#also i'm extending lots of love to everyone who's been part of this conversation but honestly right now i'm coping with a lot of family

[hotchgirlsummer]

i'm a mess but

⤷ aaron hotchner x reader

summary ⤷ Aaron has this date all planned out but things seem to fall apart and they're forced to improvise.

pairing ⤷ aaron hotchner x fem!bimbo!reader

warnings ⤷ fluff! slight angst - reader opens up about her horrible dates. aaron mentions haley, her death, and how he feels about it (briefly). not a warning but jack and jess make an appearance!

word count ⤷ 7k words

a/n ⤷ HELLLOOOOOO! i wasn't really expecting the first part to blow up but the support and love i received in my first bimbo!reader fic was so overwhelming 🥺🥺🥺 thank you to everyone who read the first one and i hope this second part lives up to your guys' expectation and to your liking. i received three requests involving aaron and bimbo!reader so i'll be working on the two before incorporating the third request in part three of this saga! also i have a possible plot for spencer reid x bimbo!reader and i'm trying to gauge if you guys would be interested in that? as always, feedback is appreciated. have a day as fantastic as yourselves!!! ❤️❤️

masterlist | part one: mess of mine

✪

“And just as a reminder, we will be having the weekends off for this month as Strauss has deemed we deserve a break after the continuous cases that took away most of our time,” Hotch reiterates before they end their final meeting for the week. This announcement was met with cheers and applause by the rest of the team. “Anyway you can have them extend our weekends off for the next, say, 12 months?”

This time Hotch cracked a smile as he gathered his files and into his folder as he shook his head, “Only way you can have that is by making a wish to a genie.” The team looked among themselves, each of their faces etched with surprise and amusement as they rarely got to witness their unit chief ride in on their jokes; behind their entertained expressions, they were curious as to what prompted this change. Rossi schooled his expression as well, despite knowing about the cause for Aaron’s welcome change in demeanor, he knew that his friend wanted to share the little ray of sunshine he found on his own terms. “If there’s nothing else, you all are dismissed for the rest of the week. Have a good one.”

As the team slowly dispersed out of the room, Hotch found Rossi smirking at him to which he raised an eyebrow at him, “Penny for your thoughts, Dave?” To which the mentor looked around the round table to ensure that everyone but them had left, “So, I’m assuming tonight’s the first date then?”

The faintest shade of red littered Aaron’s cheeks as he nodded and exited out of the room, “Tonight is the first date, yes. I’m picking her up after her shift at 7.”

Rossi looks at his watch and smiles upon seeing that their unit chief had a solid hour prior to picking up his date for the night. “Normally I’d wish someone good luck on their first date,” Hotch appreciated in that moment how Rossi leaned into his ear to whisper that as to not catch the attention of the nosy profilers, “But something tells me you would not need it in this scenario. Have a great weekend, Aaron.”

“You too, Dave. Try sticking to one jazz club this time, yes?”

Chuckling when Rossi flipped him off, Aaron hurriedly packed all of his things in his briefcase before heading out of the office. As he waited impatiently for the elevator to bring him to the floor of their parking lot. Turning on the radio, Hotch found himself smiling upon hearing a pop song — that he once was not familiar with until he started talking with Y/N. What started as constant texts, transitioned into hour long phone calls where their topics of conversation ranged from her opinions on how the internet’s influence on fashion trends have both been good and bed, her singing him the new song she had stuck in her head — which explains how he was now familiar with a lot of the songs that were played in the radio — but the one thing that seems to be a constant subject is how he would look good in certain styles of clothing.

Once home, he was delighted to see that Jack had been all cheery from his day at school and soccer practice. He indulges in his son’s excited recollection of his day, relishing in the giggles he let out everytime his son praised the dinner that was prepared for him; though it was just chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, and some fries, he supposes that if it were made with love it would taste like a fine meal. It was like time passed by quickly after their meal as Jack was already bathed and dressed in his jammies before 6:45. After a quick chat with Jess, he was out the door and anxiously driving to the boutique. Once parked right out by the store, he was just in time to see his sweetheart exiting the front door and closing the aluminium security shutters. Jumping out of the car, he surprised her by gently pulling her back and lowering the shutters. “Aaron!” Came her surprised giggle, hugging his arm and looking at him like he was her whole world. “You’re here!”

“I did promise to take you out on a date, right?” He teased once he was sure the chutters were secured. Chuckling, she nodded her head as she smiled widely, “You did! And I was so excited for our date, you know? Phoebe got so annoyed with me talking her ears off about how handsome you were and how nice you are.”

Grateful that she was too busy rambling so she couldn’t witness Aaron blushing, he walked her to his car, opening the passenger door to reveal a bouquet of pink and white flowers; handing them to her with a smile he spoke, “For you, sweetheart.”

“Aaron! They’re so pretty!” She squealed excitedly and threw her arms around him, nuzzling her face in his shoulder, “Thank you, thank you! You’re spoiling me way too much already!”

“Well I have to, sweetheart,” He explained as he helped her in the car before quickly jogging to the driver’s side and continuing on, “Have to treat you like a queen, you know?”

“Does that mean you’re my handsome king?” Her question had him reciprocating the sweet smile she had on before reaching for her hand and placing a kiss on her knuckles and affirmed, “I’ll be whatever you need me to be, sweetheart.” And in turn, that made heat spread throughout her face.

The drive to the restaurant was short yet filled with so much light and conversation. Stepping out of the vehicle once Aaron opened the door for her, she smiled at him, “Thank you, Ay-ay-ron.”

Before entering the restaurant, the couple were met with views of disgruntled customers, some of them having wet stains on their dresses while others seemed to have  food stains on them. Puzzling her, she looks up at Aaron, “I wonder if they’re alright.”

They were about to find out for themselves upon reaching the host’s stand and announced their arrival, “Reservation for Hotchner, please.” The host who had their back turned faced them with an uneasy smile as they too were trying to rid the blemishes and food stains that unfortunately clung onto his work clothes; he looked down on the their tablet that served as their scheduler and frowned upon looking up at them, “I have to sincerely apologise, Mr. Hotchner. There has been an unfortunate incident, one of our servers tripped which caused this domino effect to the other servers, causing them to drench our customers and staff in food. Not to mention that one of our new chefs in training caused an identical chaos at the back.”

“You can use a butter knife to get rid off the food there,” She pointed to both the host’s shoulders that had some food residue that looked very well edged in the fabric; next thing she noticed wine stains by their chest, “And for the wine, putting hydrogen peroxide and dishwashing liquid in the stain for about ten minutes will get it out.” The way she shared the information so casually paired with the way she tilted her head to the side and pursed her glossy lips made it all the more surprising that she new what to do; but beside her, Aaron felt nothing but pride swell in his chest as he pressed her closer to him by her waist. 

“I appreciate your advice, ma’am,” The host then faced Aaron once more before saying, “Unfortunately we are not in any capacity to entertain our beloved guests for the rest of the evening. We’ll put a note to put you in our priority list for next time if that sounds fair?” Nodding as he held back a frown of his own, the unit chief understood that things were past their control, “That would be much appreciated, thank you.”

With that the couple then left the restaurant, Aaron tried to school his features as he tried to hide the panic in his face; however as Y/N looked up to see him she pouted as she saw that there was a slight furrow in his eyebrows. Reaching up to rub the skin between them she cooed, “Don’t frown, Aaron. Why are you even frowning?”

Almost immediately a smile replaced the mentioned frown as he explained, “Well since the restaurant is a bust, I’m sensing that I’ve just wasted your time, sweetheart. The date’s pretty much ruined already.” Her offended gasp took him aback, causing them to stop just as he was about to open his car door for her, “Well good thing a dinner is not the only you go out for a date! Plus, you just saved me, you know?”

“Saved you from exactly what, sweetheart?”

“From having a fancy dinner! Don’t get me wrong, the décor looks amazing and all, but sometimes their menu is so hard to pronounce too! Like just say roasted, why use sweltering? And don’t get me started on their alcohol — bordeaux, wine, brandy? It’s all just so confusing,” As he walked her to the passenger seat and helped her in, he just chuckled lightly as he tried to console her, “They do tend to differ in ingredients and alcohol percentage.”

“Even you get it,” She whines out to which he now smoothed the furrow she had which quickly disappeared upon feeling his touch in her skin. Swiftly moving to the driver’s side, Aaron looked at her with a soft expression before asking, “Why don’t I get your mind off of it then? How would you like to spend our time together?”

His heart melted at the excited grin she had as she thought deep about how to spend their date before rambling, “We could go bowling in this place on 6th Avenue, oh but they have league games today. Oh! How about we go to this drive-in theatre just by the outskirts of town?” Just as he was about to agree to her suggestion she pouted once more, “But wait, their movie for tonight is a kid’s one, Megamind, I think.” Her excited gasp accompanied by her light taps to Aaron’s shoulder made it evident how excited she was by her current idea, “We could go right into the city centre! They have different kinds of food trucks this day of the week!”

“You sure that’s what you want, sweetheart?” He got her affirmation as she buckled her seatbelt up and nodded, “Sure do, Aarbear! I heard there was a food truck that would sell raspberry and cherry cotton candy.”

“Aarbear?” He questioned the nickname although he could not deny the warm feeling that washed over him upon being granted to him. She hummed, “Ever since we last saw each other, I’ve been thinking of cute nicknames for you; since you call me sweetheart. Aarbear is my favourite just because you remind me of a teddy bear. Just so snuggly and cute.”

“Snuggly and cute? Sweetheart, have you taken a good look at me? I’m the farthest thing from that don’t you think?” Aaron playfully countered as he relished in their playful banter. “You know what? Yeah, I have taken a good look at you and if I say so for myself you always look dashing and,” Her train of thought was cut off when she gasped out loud and saw the coat he was wearing, “And I thought I told you to wear the pink suit I got you! Why didn’t you?”

By that time, they had already reached the public parking that was allocated for the food truck event, Aaron looked at her chuckling as he thought she wasn’t serious about her little plan for the pink suit she gifted him; but upon seeing her expression which consisted of a frown with her wobbly lips and a furrowed brow, he knew that it was serious and important to her. Hoping to appease her feelings, Hotch then lifted his hand up to rub on her cheek gently and as she nuzzled herself deeper into his warmth, “I’m sorry, sweetheart. But I might have mentioned it before, but I don’t really know how to pair up clothes, you know? That’s why my suits and slacks have always matched.”

Placing her chin centre on his palm, she shoots him a smile as her upset expression now melting into an excited one as she speaks, “Does that mean I get to dress you up? I get to rifle through your wardrobe?” Removing herself from his hold, they both tried to ignore how empty it felt when they were not within each other’s reach; but to help diminish the emptiness they felt Y/N then laced her hand with his large one and grinned, “Next time we go out for a date, we go to your house first so I can dress you up and make you even more handsome! Oh there’s this new sweater line that came out and I wanna see how the sweater brings out the brown in your eyes.”

“Already planning our next date, sweetheart? You already want me around you that much?” Unsure of whether he can handle the truth of her answer, Aaron kissed her knuckles as he made his way out of the car and opened the passenger door for her. Leaping out to wrap her arms around his large figure as she hummed against his shoulder, “I sure do, Aarbear. So hopefully you don’t get sick of me right away.”

“I don’t think I could ever get sick of you, sweetheart,”  Aaron reassured her as they began walking towards the plethora of food trucks that were present in the little festival going on, “Besides, the only thing I plan on getting sick on is a ton of cotton candy. Was raspberry your favourite flavour?”

Failing to hide how giddy she was at his sincere revelation, she smiled as she laced her fingers with his and dragged him to where the food truck that sold cotton candies were. “I do like the grape-flavoured ones, do you have a favourite?” It was in that moment that Aaron wished he had a camera permanently lodged into his brain so he could capture the way her eyes sparkled as she inquired more about his interests. He hummed as they stood in line in front of the food truck, “I don’t think I’ve explored enough of these flavours to have a definite favourite.”

Her gasp paired with the soft tap on the shoulder was another thing that was quickly becoming a favourite of Aaron’s. Upon reaching the front of the line, Y/N took charge and ordered three kinds of cotton candy. As she reached down for her wallet, she was caught off guard at how quick her date was in tapping his own credit card against the machine. 

“Aaron! Why didn’t you let me pay?”

The two walked a few feet away and sat down on the bench nearby before he smiled and pinched some cotton candy and offered it to her, “Now what kind of man would I be if I even let you touch your wallet throughout our date?” 

Returning the favour by feeding him some cotton candy as well, she pursed her lips as she concluded, “A handsome gentleman, still. And don’t ever think differently.” From there on they fell into an easy conversation which ranged from childhood shenanigans to workplace happenings. For Y/N this was a complete 360 switch to see Aaron’s eyes crinkled in joy and his posture relaxed; seeing him so serious and stiff on their first meeting gave her the impression he’d be too uptight. In her mind, she’d do anything to keep the beautiful smile on his face. “Wait, so Garcia was able to access the file that I didn’t know the password to?”

“Took her less than five minutes to do that, sweetheart,” Aaron informed her as the two wiped their mouths of any crumbs and threw the container in the trash before strolling once more to get more food, “What else are you in the mood for?”

“Can we get some tacos? It’s been quite a while since I’ve had some,” With that Aaron led the way as he spotted the specific truck sooner, “So Garcia can hack into anything?” As they stood in line in front of other patrons, Y/N made sure to only whisper her question so as to not attract any unwanted attention from curious ears, something that did not escape Aaron’s observant nature and something he appreciated.

“Absolutely, it only takes her about ten minutes to do so. There’s rarely anything she can’t crack,” He answers, however he’s left more puzzled as she stands on her tiptoes and whispers in his ear, “Do you think she can hack into something for me?”

“What exactly do you need to get hacking into, sweetheart?”

At that, her glossed up lips — which compared to last time that was a soft red shade, this time around she had a flushed pink hue with a slight shimmer to it — formed a pout as her eyebrows furrowed in frustration as she recounts, “Because I signed up for Snapchat a year ago and then now I forgot which password I used to it, it reached to a point where I’ve tried so many times that they told me I’m no longer allowed to try guessing. And I wanna get access back to it because everytime I take a cute selfie of myself I send it there.”

 By the end of her story, they reached the front of the line and Aaron paused their conversation for a while to order for the two of them; his heart fluttered when Y/N patted his shoulder gently as she whispered, “Extra cheese on mine, please.”

Once they were handed their food, the two stepped away and once again found a bench to give them privacy. Before even taking a bite from her taco, she faced him and her face was once again etched with concern, “So? Do you think Garcia will help me? I can give her a cute little outfit in the boutique if she does. Or whatever else she wants, promise.”

Smiling at her as he allowed his first bite to go down before replying, “I’m sure she’d love to assist you even without the promise of repayment.” She was midbite when she looked up at Aaron, cheese at the side of her mouth as she seemed confused with what he meant before he clarified as he wiped the corner of her mouth with a napkin, “I’ll let her know you need help, sweetheart.”

Shrieking out of excitement wasn’t the only way she expressed her relief but also with the way she tried her best to wrap her arms around him without causing both their tacos to crack as they hit the ground, “Thank you, Aar! Can’t tell you how happy I am to hear that! Do you think Garcia will like cupcakes or cookies more? I’ve been meaning to bake since it’s been a while, you know.”

“I know for a fact she wouldn’t mind either one, sweetheart,” He leaned closer as if he was sharing a secret and whispered in her ear, “But I do know you and her will get along well.”

Her nose scrunched up in excitement as she shimmied her shoulders in a little dance, “You did mention she likes little quirky gadgets and she dresses a lot like I do. Maybe she and I can go shopping sometime? You mentioned you work with other ladies too right? Alexa and GG?”

“Alex and JJ, sweetheart,” He gently corrects her as threw his napkin after finishing his taco in the nearby bin, “But yes, I’m sure they’d love to meet you. Maybe in the near future we can set that up?”

Her excited nod caused some of the taco sauce to spread past her lips, prompting Aaron to wipe the sides of her mouth as she replied, “Do you think they’d like me though? Some people I’ve met before say I’m too much or you know,” The slight pause between her train of thought made him worry about what previous perceptions were about her so he encouraged her on, “Know what exactly, sweetheart?”

Perhaps it was the way he gently coaxed her or the way he rubbed her back was full of care but it got her talking as she mentioned, “It’s just, people like my friends say that I’m dumb, that I’m no fun to be around with,” She sniffled a little which proved to be the wrong thing to do as it accidentally got some sauce on her nose, to which she scowled a little and threw the wrapper away and she felt a sudden wave of shyness take over her as Aaron was quick to wipe by her nose, “I don’t have very many people who stay — except for my family, I guess, but they don’t really have that much of a  choice — so I don’t know,” She looks up at him and it was only then that Aaron got a good look of her eyes that had a glimmer of both hope and sadness, “I’d really like for you to stay, Aar.”

“I’d like that too,” Came his immediate reply as he brought her into his warm embrace, tucking her head underneath his chin as he tried to get across every ounce of affection he had had for her, “I promise I’ll keep you close to me, sweetheart.”

Slightly detaching herself from his hold to take a good look on his face, she smiled up at him, “Have I ever mentioned that you’re one of the most handsome men in the world? If not the most? Like, inside and out,” She pulled away fully from his embrace and frowned as she recalled her statement, “No wait, I don’t think it works that way. Do you mind being called beautiful? I know some guys are uncomfortable with that. Or maybe I can call you a pretty boy?”

Shaking his head at her silly antics he just kissed her forehead and teased her, “I thought Aarbear was the nickname you had for me?”

“I guess that’s just one of the struggles for when you’re the most perfect man in the world, hm? Having too many options for a nickname since you’re everything good,” she giggled. 

Just as he was about to reply with some sort of a witty comeback, the shrill tone of his phone broke them out of their trance. Dread filled his gut immediately at the thought of a case whisking him away from a great date; he shot her an apologetic expression before saying, “Sorry,” And answering the phone and being pleasantly surprised that it was just Jess calling, “Jess? Is everything alright?”

Deciding to keep herself preoccupied while Aaron tends to his call, Y/N mindlessly grabbed for his free hand and slowly traced over the lines on his hand and smiled upon noticing how much larger his hand was and when she lined up her hand against his, she rubbed the skin of it and realised that she could get used to the warm feeling of his touch.

“I’m sorry about that, sweetheart,” Aaron apologised as he pocketed his phone and that seemed to break her out of her trance as she looked up at him and mirrored the small frown he was sporting, “That was Jess, she’s the aunt of my son. She said he awoke from a nightmare and won’t calm down. Apparently, he’s been asking for me and refuses to go back to sleep until he sees me.” 

“Then you should go to him,” Was her instant reply as she stood up on her feet and held out her hand for him to take, “Let’s go to your sweet boy, Aarbear.”

Taking her by the hand, he smiled at her as he led the way back to the car he decided to check in with her, “I’m sorry to spring this on you, sweetheart, but I’m a single father to a five year old.”

Upon being helped into the passenger seat she waited for Aaron to buckle himself in beside her before asking, “So what’s he like? And what’s his name?” The unit chief could not hold back the smile from how sincere she was in her curiosity. “Jack is a talented soccer player, he’s slowly getting into music and he can’t wait to audition for their spring play. I will say though he takes a lot of traits from his mom, which might be a good thing for him, honestly.”

Scoffing in offence, she gently scolded him, “Do not talk about yourself in that way, Aarbear! You’re smart, kind, funny, always keeping alert and all that. You have a lot of good qualities, you know.” There was a comfortable silence that took over for a few minutes before they were at a red light where it got Y/N thinking, “Wait, so if you have a son he has a mother, right?”

“I do believe that is how biology works, sweetheart,” His lighthearted joke was his attempt to soften the upcoming difficult conversation they were definitely going to have  in light of her recent discovery of his son. 

“Where is his mom then? Wait,” She panicked as she looked at him and gently held onto his forearm, “Oh God, please don’t tell me I’m making you cheat on your wife. That I’m not the other woman.”

Her somber pout while adorable made his heart clench as he realised she was concerned about what Haley meant to him as it shows how serious their relationship is to her. So he reached over the console and rubbed her knee comfortingly, “You’re not the other woman, sweetheart. Jack’s mother, Haley, is not in the picture.”

“Why not? Is she okay?”

Her kind nature came through once more and every time Aaron has a glimpse of it, it makes him feel like he’s in this trance-like dream where his dream woman came to life by merely manifesting it. “She unfortunately passed away. We had this unsub — bad guy — who went after me and my family.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Aar,” Y/N sympathized once Aaron was parking his car in their assigned stall. Once parked he looked at her and there was a slight tremble in his lips as he shared with her, “She was killed, and he was about to go after Jack but I was able to put a stop to it before doing so.”

“You saved Jack,” She reminded him of his heroic act as she smoother over his trembling lips with her thumb as she tried to comfort him the same way he did her everytime she nearly spiralled into overthinking negatively, “You didn’t kill Haley, the bad guy did. That’s not your fault, okay?”

Slightly rotating his head so he could press a quick kiss to her palm, he smiled at her, “Thank you for that reminder, sweetheart; I needed that.” 

Feeling the heat creeping up her cheeks she smiled too and grinned before gasping out, “Wait, we’re here already, right?” At his confirming hum, she then quickly said, “We need to get to your boy!”

Aaron found himself frowning not because their moment was cut short, but he was unable to open the door for her and escort her out of the vehicle. Upon reaching the elevator of the building, he noticed Y/N was bouncing on her heels as if she were nervous. Just as he was about to check in on her, the elevator had a soft ping and opened the doors to reveal that they were on their floor. Gently placing his hand behind her back, he led her to their apartment and he hated that his sweaty hands slightly dampened her dress; but she didn’t seem to mind it and instead unknowingly calmed him down by smiling brightly at him.

Upon entering their living space, Aaron could vaguely hear Jess keeping Jack occupied by talking to him. “Jack? Buddy? I’m home,” Aaron called out gently as he made his way by the hallway while Y/N settled by their couch as she didn’t want to intrude any more than she already had.

Almost instantly the sound of pitter patter of tiny feet, “Dad!” Jack ran towards his father’s embrace and Aaron opened his arms as he allowed his son to nuzzle into his neck and carry him. “How are you feeling, bud? Aunt Jess said you couldn’t go to sleep?”

He rubbed his eyes with his hands as he frowned, “Yes, had a nightmare, dad. I was so scared I couldn’t get back to sleep with you.” As Jack laid down his head on his father’s shoulder that’s when he noticed a pretty girl sitting. “Who is she, dad?”

Y/N smiled warmly as she waved, Aaron sat him and his son on the armchair near the sofa she was sitting at and mentioned, “This is Y/N, she’s my friend, Jack.”

“Nice to meet you, Jack,” She held out his hand for a shake and while she understood that kids are naturally shy, especially around people they’re unfamiliar with, she was thoroughly surprised when he shook her hand and had a shy smile on his cute little face.

“Hi Y/N, I’m Jack,” When he retracted his hand she took a good look at him before mentioning, “You look like a princess.”

Indulging him she then leaned a little closer and playfully whispered, “Don’t say it out loud, this princess just snuck out to meet with her prince.” Jack giggled at her silly reply and mirrored her actions and came a little closer, “And? Where is he? Did you get your happily ever after?”

“Not yet,” She replied as she shyly smiled and took a quick glance at Aaron, “The story isn’t done yet. But you do know what a princess needs? A knight of shining armour who can be her best friend! Can we be friends, Jack?”

Looking up at his father, he shot Aaron a questioning look and inquired, “I know Y/N’s your friend but can I be her friend too?” Feeling his heart warm up at the way how gentle and considerate Y/N was to Jack — knowing that she couldn’t automatically assume Jack will see her as a friend and instead she’d have to earn it — paired with Jack’s interest in getting to know her, he smiled down at his son as he steadied his grip on his growing toddler who seemed to be wiggling a little at the excitement of having a new friend, “I’m more than alright with that, Jack. But it’s up to you, okay, bud?”

Nodding at his father before facing Y/N once more, Jack showed her his toothy grin that came out every time his father told him a silly joke before concluding, “I’d love to be your knight friend, Y/N. Does that mean we’ll go on adventures?”

Giggling and clapping her hands in delight, Y/N nodded before calming down and saying, “We sure can, Sir Jack! But maybe after you’ve had a good night’s sleep? That way we both will be energised and ready for whatever adventure comes our way?”

Right on cue, Jack let out a little yawn that Aaron partially thought Y/N induced out of him by mentioning he had to sleep, “Okay, I can’t wait for our adventure already!”

“After a good night’s sleep, okay, bud? I’m gonna put you to bed now,” Jack didn’t fight his father much and instead curled his arms around his neck, signalling that he wanted to be carried back to bed. As Aaron stood up, Jack unclasped one of his hands and waved at Y/N and smiled, “Bye, princess Y/N.”

“Sweet dreams, Sir Jack.”

Once the two men disappeared into the hall, Jessica came into view and walked towards her. Taking initiative Y/N reached out for her hand and introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Y/N. Aaron mentioned you were Jack’s aunt.” 

Shaking her hand, she confirmed, “Yeah, I’m Jessica. I’m Jack’s mom’s sister. Did he mention Haley to you?”

A sincere, sombre expression washed over her face as Y/N pulled Jess in for a hug, “He did, and I’m so sorry about what happened to her. From what he’s told me, Haley was such a lovely soul.” Noticing that Jess tensed slightly at the hug but relaxed because she didn’t realise how good a hug can be from someone earnest; which is why Jess was puzzled when they pulled away and Y/N had a frown. “I didn’t ask first before hugging you, sorry ‘bout that. My family did always say I was such a big hugger.”

“Don’t worry about it,” The blonde woman reassured her as she reached out and held Y/N’s hand, “I appreciated the hug and your kind words.” Beaming brightly at that, she looked down at their hands and her sharp eye couldn’t miss the blouse Jess was wearing and noticed, “Are you wearing Nanette Lepore?” Taking her aback, Jess then had her mouth open in surprise as she was unsure how to respond to that. Y/N, however, took this opportunity to babble on, “You have a good eye! She really shocked everyone when she revealed that her fall spring collection was mostly going to be perfumes but I was really excited to buy one, but shipping costs are a pain in the butt.”

“I’m sorry but our conversation took quite a turn here,” Jess tried to steer their conversation and Y/N smiled as she explained, “Oh sorry, I get so excited when the topic is fashion and all that. I work at a boutique, always thinking about designing my own clothes, but I don’t know.”

It was then that Aaron walked in the room, “Sorry for the delay, Jack requested quite a few stories tonight.” Placing a hand on his date’s shoulder and facing Jess with a tight-lipped smile, “Jess, I appreciate you looking out for Jack tonight. I was out on a date with Y/N earlier and I hope that it won’t  cause too much of an issue between us.”

Jess appreciated Aaron’s vulnerability at the moment as she knew how bad her brother-in-law’s mindset and confidence was following Haley’s passing. He was deep in his belief that he was unable to open up to someone and if he ever did, they’d walk out on him after having a good, long conversation with him. Reaching out to rub his forearm that she couldn't  help but notice was colder than usual before smiling, “I know, Aaron. And can I say just how lovely Y/N is.”

“Oh oh, before I forget,” Y/N reached for her bag and fished for something and made her way back over to them and handed a card to Jess, “Next time, please do swing by in the boutique. I’d love to give you some clothes that will really go well with your style! Plus, it’d be fun just chatting up with you and there’s a cute little cafe nearby too.”

Taking the calling card and looking at it first before pocketing it, Jess smiles as she hugs Aaron and gives the same affection to Y/N before parting ways, “I’ll definitely give you a call when I can swing by, okay? Enjoy your evening, guys.”

As she was putting on her coat and slinged her bag over her shoulder she looked at Aaron, “Oh and Aaron?” The man raised his eyebrows and just as he was about to ask what’s wrong Jess winked at her, “I think you found yourself a keeper.”

With that, Jess allowed the two lovebirds their privacy, the two snuggled with each other on the couch but just as they made each other comfortable Y/N looked up at Aaron and had another confused pout, “What did Jess mean when she said you found a keeper? Did you lose a tupperware container?”

Aaron chuckled lightly at her question before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead and shrugged, “I’m not too sure too, sweetheart. I’ll ask her the next time she swings by.”

Deciding to let go of the topic, she then nuzzled her cheek into his chest as her hand mindlessly drew random shapes on his chest; it was Aaron that broke the silence by apologising, “I’m sorry our first date didn’t exactly go as planned. I’ll make it up to you next time, I promise.”

Looking up at him through her lashes she smiled at him and gently shook her head, “It’s okay, Aarbear. I had fun at the food truck festival. If I only knew I was going to be meeting sweet boy Jack, I’d buy him a few cotton candy flavours.”

“I’m sure your sweet personality made up for the lack of treats you gave him, sweetheart,” He tickled her sides gently to elicit giggles from her and when she did he wished he recorded it as it was such a joyous sound, “Besides, he will be looking forward to some princess-knight adventures you two will be having.”

“Is that okay with you though? I’ve read some stories where kids don’t like it when their parents date someone else. I don’t wanna come across as evil or anything,” She worried and now she stopped her movements and just looked at Aaron with worried eyes. 

This time it was Aaron who had his hand rubbing her back gently to coax her back into her relaxed state, “Sweetheart, I wouldn’t worry about that. Did you see how at ease Jack was when you were talking to him earlier? I don’t see any scenario where he would treat you unkindly and you to him.”

Nodding her head softly she then leaned against his shoulder once more as she said, “Okay, but if he ever tells me or you that he needs some space from me, I’m gonna do it. And you can’t stop me from doing it.”

Humming as a reply, Aaron appreciated how Y/N was respectful of Jack’s boundaries. They were basking in a comfortable silence before Y/N asked, “Did you really have a great time with me, Aar?”

“Of course,” Came his immediate reply, “Did I give the impression that I didn’t?” He felt calm when she gently shook her head and sighed out before sadly recollecting, “No, you didn’t. But I just went on dates before where it ended up with them just calling it a night right away. They’d mutter under their breath that they can’t handle being around me for any longer.”

Her quiet sniffles had him fearing that she thought this was how their relationship too was gonna go; choosing to reassure her, he lifted her chin with his hooked finger and looked serious yet loving as he spoke, “I’m sorry to hear you’ve been on terrible dates with terrible boys. But let me reassure you that I do not, in any way, think of you in that way. Can I tell you a secret?”

Looking at him with curious eyes she nodded as he took his queue to reveal to her, “You bring so much happiness and joy in my life. I don’t think you can ever be those mean things that they said. In fact, I think you’re all I could ever need and want.”

Having to bite back her smile as she tried to not show how his words affected her she smiled and leaned in to press a kiss on his cheek, “You’re too sweet to me, Aaron.” She bit her lip before continuing her train of thought, “Would it be too soon to say that I like you a lot? Like, I know it’s only been nearly two weeks since we’ve talked to each other but you make me so happy. Whenever I get a text from you I smile so wide, it even got to the point where Phoebe has to tell me to stop smiling and giggling too much because it might creep out other customers.”

Laughing along her story as she did so, he shook his head as he shared, “I feel what you mean, sweetheart. I have to be careful of my reactions everytime my phone rings because of you. Which is hard to do around profilers.”

“Wait, profilers? Is that the ones who try to understand the bad guys or the ones who just do the research on how to find the bad guy?”

Chuckling as he found her confusion unfortunately adorable he clarified, “We do a little bit of both, sweetheart.” She gasps out loud as she frowns, “You do both? That sounds exhausting!”

“Well thinking of you does make me feel less tired, sweetheart,” Rubbing her cheek softly as he took in her features led him to focus on her lips that he had thought about kissing ever since they met, “Would it be too soon if I told you I wanted to kiss you, sweetheart?”

“Not at all,” Came her instantaneous reply, “I’d love for you to kiss me, Aar.” 

And with her consent he gently pulled her in softly by the cheek, tightening his hold on her without hurting her and slanted his lips overs. Feeling her smile into the kiss as she held onto his shoulders, bringing him even closer to her. Their lips felt warm and like puzzles fitting into place, after both of their initial shyness they both opened their mouths and allowed their tongues to entangle in a sweet dance as their hands took in every part of themselves that were new to each other. 

The couple poured all of the unspoken feelings they both were too frightened to share — all the premature love and companionship — was made evident by their sweet kiss that felt natural. Despite her unwillingness to do so, she had to slowly detach herself from his lips as she had to gasp for breath. Her fingers ended up playing with the short hairs at the nape of his neck and while she separated from his lips, she couldn’t pull away from his hair as she looked up at him, “That might be the best first kiss I’ve ever had with someone.”

Pleased with her conclusion, Aaron quickly littered sweet pecks all throughout her face before placing a long, loving kiss on her lips before nodding in agreement, “And the best part about it is that that’ll be just the first of our many kisses, sweetheart.”

[antianakin]

MY STANCES ON CONTROVERSIAL CHARACTERS ARE AS FOLLOWS

Anakin Skywalker: This one's fairly obvious, but I'm one of the people who doesn't see Anakin as redeemed by the end of ROTJ just because he saved one person he personally gives a damn about. My definition of redemption is about atoning and making amends, and Anakin has no possible way of actually DOING THAT for most of the things he's done, so there's no real way of acquiring redemption. He can be a better person, he can be forgiven by individual people for things he's done to them, he can keep choosing to be selfless instead of selfish, but none of that necessarily means he has to be considered redeemed. If you think he's redeemed at the end of ROTJ and that's what brings you joy in your interpretation of the story, great, I honestly don't care. But if you choose to come into my notes and get mad at me because I don't think the space fascist is redeemed just because he decides to save his own son, you will now be blocked on sight, I'm done having that conversation with people.

The Jedi As A Whole: Wonderful people with a beautiful culture that never did a single thing to deserve what was done to them. They were not corrupt, they didn't need to reform their culture in a single way. There was nothing more they could've done for Anakin or the Republic that would've stopped what happened. They don't steal children, they adopt them from parents who choose to let their children lead a better life, and become part of the large extended Jedi family. They are intergalactic therapists whose literal way of life IS therapy for those who choose to follow it. They were outplayed, but they did everything they could've possibly done. Sometimes, it is possible to commit no mistakes, and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life. (Side note here: This is an incredibly pro Jedi blog, if you come on my blog and criticize the Jedi in any way, you will be immediately blocked, I am so done with this fandom's anti-Jedi sentiments, consider this your warning.)

Padme Amidala: Deserved better from the Prequels, has such potential and promise and I want so dearly to save her from her toxic ass marriage to a fascist MAGA manchild, but damn am I glad Luke and Leia didn't have to grow up with her as a mother some days.

Bo-Katan Kryze: I wish I could like her, but the writers are making it SO HARD. They don't seem to ever remember that she gleefully set an entire village on fire because they dared ask for their enslaved people back and to not be occupied anymore, but I do.

Satine Kryze: I wish I could like her, but I don't have enough nostalgia for her to overlook how bad the writing is for her. She treats Obi-Wan like garbage, brings out the worst in him, acts very arrogantly about just about everything and never has to take responsibility for her own mistakes so she gets to die a martyr.

Aleksander Kallus: Literally has to have his ENTIRE BACKSTORY retconned so he can be "redeemed" within the span of one episode. Also manages to "All Lives Matter" Zeb into thinking that judging Imperials for their fascist choices is the same as judging an ENTIRE SPECIES on the actions of one individual who was acting in self-defense anyway. Stop saying he's got the best redemption arc in Star Wars, it sucks fucking ass and he's not a fucking Fulcrum, he just stole the title from Ahsoka and didn't earn it and he was a shit spy anyway.

Crosshair: Bigoted dickhead who treats everyone like complete crap and then goes full fascist as a punishment for the world when no one wants to risk their lives to save him. His redemption arc was completely half-assed and he should've had to do a LOT more to gain people's forgiveness and absolutely no one should've been forced to apologize to HIM.

Bode Akuna: Basically just Anakin lite and we all know how I feel about Anakin. No sob story justifies anything he's done and I didn't find him all that interesting or sympathetic, personally.

Rafa and Trace Martez: I actually loved them, I thought they had an interesting relationship with each other and with Ahsoka, I appreciated how different they felt and the arc Ahsoka goes on with them. I don't mind that they used them to showcase the rising anti-Jedi sentiment among the citizens of Coruscant, I just wish their opinions hadn't been presented as though they were right. I love that we see they've joined a rebellion of sorts post-Order 66 and I wish we'd gotten to see more of Trace, Rafa, and Rex working together rather than the absolute trashfire that we're actually getting on TBB.

Ahsoka Tano: Relationship status: It's complicated. I DO like her, generally, but I REALLY dislike the way she's constantly written in later stuff to be better than everyone else and to have basically zero flaws so that she can end up like a messiah or a goddess of light reborn or something. It's boring, it's annoying, and it just isn't any good. I particularly don't care for how she consistently gets utilized to bash the Jedi Order and absolve Anakin for all of his sins. Ahsoka deserves better, but I'm also immensely frustrated with where her story's taken her and the way fandom tends to treat her. We also just straight-up need more main female Jedi characters and as long as Ahsoka's around it feels like it'll never happen. She's completely irrelevant to the story overall and I'm annoyed at how much Felony is trying to make her more significant than she is instead of just letting her stand on her own for once.

Sabine Wren: I love the Rebels version of her, but the Ahsoka show version sucks. I have decided it simply does not exist for Sabine. That isn't the real Sabine and it never will be. That's not Sabine's story, the real Sabine would never try to be a Jedi because quite simply she doesn't NEED to be. And the real Sabine would NEVER disrespect Ezra's sacrifice by undoing it and then leaving him to deal with the fallout. It's stupid, it's ugly, and Sabine deserved better.

Hera Syndulla: Much like Sabine, I love the Rebels version of her, but the Ahsoka version sucks. The Ahsoka version deserves to be kicked out of the army or whatever, she's a terrible mother and an even worse General and quite honestly not that great of a friend. The real Hera would NEVER act like orders didn't matter just because she doesn't like them or refuse to see the logic in letting go of Ezra after he's been missing for 10 years so that those resources can go to people who they can confirm are still alive.

Shin Hati: She's so so so boring. She has the personality of cardboard, it basically consists of "crazy eyes" and that's about it. She is pretty literally just Darth Maul but a girl. Like every single part of her character so far is indistinguishable from Maul aside from the cosmetic stuff. I hope she dies in season 2 and never gets a redemption arc. I'd say Sabine deserves better, but honestly Ahsoka!Sabine deserves her.

Grey Jedi: Stop trying to make fetch happen. It's not going to happen. Let Grey Jedi stay in fanon where it belongs, none of your faves are Grey Jedi in canon and they never will be.

[former-leftist-jew]

I really loved your post about religious extremism and I wanted to add that a lot of the people using the "peaceful, noble Palestinian" trope (like you said, the noble savage trope) would have no problem understanding that a Christian population is bigoted against gays because they were raised in that faith and ministered to by bigots -- for instance, Russian leadership using the language of Christianity to make "same sex propaganda" illegal (I literally know someone who went to jail for kissing another woman in front of Russian police) and then holding them to account when said government is removed from power, or even refusing to forgive them even when they've changed. These are totally understandable reactions to bigotry, even societal bigotry (my grandfather remains deeply homophobic due to his Christianity and even if he one day changes, I don't know that I'll be able to forgive him for supporting conversion therapy).

But when it's a non-Western population? Suddenly those people CAN'T be bigoted and CAN'T have been fed antisemitism and hatred for their entire lives because. I don't know, it's different with them! I know so many wonderful, affirming, progressive Muslims who have done the work to reinterpret and decolonize their faith, the same as I do Christians, Jews, Hindus, etc.. But I also know that in the Middle East, many don't DO that sort of reflection -- largely because they don't have the ability to due to decades of corrupt leadership and authoritarian rule. You can be a victim of religious extremism by virtue of being raised in it, but we NEED to hold these people to the same standards as we do Westerners coming out of religious extremism.

I'm not shocked Palestinians support Hamas -- it fucking sucks in Gaza, and has for a while. That's how terrorism gets its roots, same as the Taliban, the KKK, Al-Qaeda, etc; it preaches to a suffering population and promises it everything it wants, if only you'll hate XYZ group, if only you'll give us your children, etc. If we truly want to free Palestine -- which I do, I am a supporter of Palestinian self determination and ending anti-Arab racism and Islamophobia -- then we need to understand all this and help them decolonize and de-terrorize.

(I hope any of that made sense, I just sort of rambled)

Daww, thank you! I'm glad my pot struck a chord with you. ^_^

Yeah, believe it or not, I do have a lot of sympathy for the average Palestinian Muslim/Christian. It's just... like Atticus said of Mayella Ewell in To Kill a Mockingbird, my sympathy doesn't extend so far as to condone anihilating Israel and massacring all Jews.

I do believe that everyone has a right to self-determination and self-government. Gay people have a right to marry who they love, trans people have a right to dress and live as the gender they identify as, Arab Muslims have a right to worship Allah with Muhammad as his last and final Prophet, Jews have a right to self-determine and self-govern, etc.

TBH, I think there's a cruel irony that an estimated 30-60% of Palestinian Arabs share ancient Canaanite/Hebrew ancestry with modern Jews (meaning, they're also descended from ancient Jews), but since the region was forcibly conquered and converted by Islamic Caliphs in the 600's, it's fair to assume their Jewish ancestors were colonized and/or forcibly converted. (Or at least passively pressured to convert over time, since non-Muslims in Sharia Law are made to pay a poll tax and live as second-class citizens to Muslim citizens--so who wouldn't want to switch to Islam under that literal two-tiered legal system?)

Part of me thinks, "Why would you WANT to stay with Islam when your ancestors were conquered and forcibly converted (or at least passive-aggressively pressured to convert) as sure as Vietnam is largely Catholic because of their French Catholic former colonisers? BUT AGAIN, I respect their right to self-determination and their desire for self-government. If the Palestinian Muslims with ancient Hebrew blood want to stay with Islam, live in an Islamic society, and be ruled by an Islamic government, that's their right.

With that said, part of me feels like the average Palestinian Muslims (and Christians) have been duped by their Islamofascist government to see Israeli Jews not as long-lost brothers and sisters who finally returned home after centuries in exile, but as "foreign invaders" trying to take what little scraps they have. Both in the early 20th century and early 21's century.

You know that leftist meme that goes like:

"A CEO, white kid, and black kid sit at a table. The CEO's plate is piled high with 10 cookies, white the kids' are empty. He then tosses a cookie to the white kid and says, 'That black kid wants to steal your cookie.'"?

That is LITERALLY Hamas is doing to the Palestinian Arabs and Jews!

Hamas notoriously hoards as much of Gaza's food, fuel, water, resources, and wealth as they can, throw their people just enough scraps to get by, and then tells them, "Those Jews wants to steal your land, your religion, and your liberty. Help us kill the Jew, and you'll be living in Paradise." When the state of the rest of the Middle East (which have little to no Jews left in them) shows otherwise.

And I'm so disgusted by how the Left West recognizes that manipulation tactic when it comes to rich white CEO's duping poor whites into blaming black "welfare queens" and brown "illegal immigrants" for their lack of the good life, but somehow CAN'T connect the dots when Islamofascist dictators who openly hoard all their country's resources for themselves and spread oppressive violence and misogyny to the rest of the population do the exact same thing to the average impoverished Muslim regarding "Jews" and "Western invaders."

The average Muslim? Believe it or not, I DO have some sympathy. Based on what I've seen and read from various ex-Muslims, it sounds like Arab Islamic culture doesn't really encourage critical thinking, self-examination, or widespread education as the norm. MANY ex-Muslims I've met and talked to IRL, and that I follow on social media, talk about how, when they were growing up

A lot of Palestinians are also pretty upfront about how "we don't question" what they've been taught about Islam and Jews.

But, you know what? As far as I'm concerned, it's time to START questioning. It's time to START thinking about it. It's time to START making room for non-Muslims to live beside and share equal rights and resources with Muslims.

And I'm so grossed out that the Western Left encourages the religious bigotry, intolerance, and "no dogs or Jews allowed here!" segregation because "It's their culture/religion." Well then, they need to change with the times like everyone else.

[darkstar225]

Twice's 10th member being babysat by Girls Generation (SNSD)

A/N: Heyyy, I'm coming up with a lot of stuff for you guys so I can make up for the time I'm gone lol! Sry for taking so long to post :D I hope that my friend AlexHarris661 who gave me this idea on Wattpad likes it! :)

The request: Hi I really love your book. I want to request can you do where y/n is still a minor (like 14) and the members have a schedule until late night and they left y/n with girls generation and they all love her and she took a liking at Tiffany who thought y/n is adorable hugging a stuff dinosaur. They play games and feed y/n and at night Tiffany cuddle y/n to sleep and y/n want to visit them again because she had a lot of fun with them.

PS: Tysm for everyone who reads what I write, I hope I can bring a smile to your faces every time I post! I'd like to thank whoever sent me this idea 'cause I loved to write it <3

__________________________________________________________

The city of Seoul sparkled under the night sky as TWICE hurriedly made their way to their packed schedule. It was a typical day in the life of K-pop idols, and as always, their tightly packed itinerary left them with little time for anything else. However, today was different because they were faced with an unexpected situation... Y/N, their youngest member, who was only fourteen years old, had a school event that required her attendance.

As they gathered in their dressing room, concern etched on their faces, Nayeon, aka mom number 2, addressed the issue. 

Nayeon - I know we're all swamped with our schedule today, but our kid has a school event that she can't miss. We can't leave her alone at the dorm, so I was thinking... What if we ask Girls' Generation if they could look after her for the day?

The members nodded in agreement, relieved that there was a solution to their predicament. They knew that Girls' Generation were not only their seniors but also friendly and caring idols who had a deep bond with TWICE. It was a fortunate coincidence that they had a day off.

Jihyo, TWICE's reliable leader and Y/N's omma, took out her phone and quickly dialled a number. 

Jihyo - I'll call Taeyeon unnie. She's usually the one we talk to.

Within moments, Taeyeon answered the call. After a brief conversation, they arranged for TWICE's sunshine to spend the day with Girls' Generation. Despite the hectic schedule ahead, the TWICE members felt a weight lifted off their shoulders, knowing that Y/N would be in good hands.

As Y/N arrived at Girls' Generation's spacious apartment, she was met with warm smiles and welcoming hugs from the legendary K-pop group. The members of Girls' Generation had always been like big sisters to her, and she felt at ease in their presence.

Taeyeon, the group's leader, ruffled Y/N's hair affectionately. 

Taeyeon - We're so glad you're here, baby. It's going to be a fun day with us.

Y/N beamed up at Taeyeon.

Y/N - I'm excited, unnie!

The other members gathered around, introducing themselves to TWICE's angel and making her feel right at home. Sunny, Sooyoung, Yuri, Seohyun, and Hyoyeon all had a unique warmth about them, and it didn't take long for Y/N to feel like she was part of their family.

But it was Tiffany, with her bright smile and warm eyes, who captured Y/N's heart from the moment they met. Tiffany knelt down to the younger girl's eye level and extended her hand. 

Tiffany - Hi, sweetie. I'm Tiffany. I've heard so much about you.

Y/N shook Tiffany's hand shyly, feeling a flush of excitement. 

Tiffany - I know who you are! You're my favourite member!

Tiffany's eyes twinkled with delight (her moon eyes when she smiles are so cute). 

Tiffany - Really? That's so sweet of you to say!

The youngest's face lit up as she reached into her bag and pulled out a stuffed dinosaur. It was her favourite plush toy, and she held it out to Tiffany. 

Y/N - This is Dino, my best friend!

Tiffany took the stuffed dinosaur, hugging it close to her heart. 

Tiffany - Wow, Dino is so cool! You have excellent taste, babygirl.

The bond between Y/N and Tiffany grew stronger as they spent the day together. Tiffany showed the girl around the apartment, letting her explore the world of Girls' Generation. They played games, sang together, and even danced to some of TWICE and Girls' Generation's hit songs. Tiffany was impressed by Y/N's talent and enthusiasm.

As the day progressed, the members of Girls' Generation took turns preparing meals for Y/N. They made her favourite dishes and made sure she had a variety of delicious food to choose from. TWICE's lovebug was amazed by their culinary skills and felt incredibly spoiled by the attentive care they showed her.

By the time evening rolled around, Y/N was starting to feel a little tired. Tiffany noticed her yawning and gave a suggestion.

Tiffany - How about we get you ready for bed, sweetie?

Y/N nodded, suddenly feeling a bit shy. 

Y/N - Okay, unnie...

Tiffany helped her dongsang change into her pyjamas and tucked her into a cosy bed. As Y/N snuggled under the blankets, Tiffany leaned down and kissed her forehead. 

Tiffany - Goodnight, pet. Sweet dreams.

Y/N - Goodnight, unnie. *whispering with her eyes drooping with exhaustion*

Tiffany lingered by Y/N's bedside for a moment, watching the young girl drift off to sleep. She couldn't help but smile at how adorable and precious Y/N looked, clutching her stuffed dinosaur tightly. Tiffany had always loved children, and this kid had a special place in her heart.

Once Y/N was sound asleep, Tiffany quietly left the room and joined the other Girls' Generation members in the living room. They sat together, reminiscing about the fun day they had with Y/N.

Yuri spoke up, her voice filled with warmth. 

Yuri - She's such a sweet and well-behaved young girl. I can see why TWICE adores her so much.

Sunny nodded in agreement. 

Sunny - It's been a while since we had a little one around. She reminds me of when we were rookies.

Tiffany couldn't help but gush about Y/N like a proud mom. 

Tiffany - She's just so adorable, especially with her stuffed dinosaur. I could cuddle with her all day.

The other members laughed at Tiffany's confession, knowing how much she adored TWICE's cutie pie. It was heartwarming to see the usually glamorous and charismatic idol turn into a soft-hearted and affectionate caretaker.

As the night wore on, Tiffany decided to spend some more time with Y/N. She quietly entered the room and saw the young girl sleeping peacefully. Tiffany carefully climbed into the bed, making sure not to disturb the young girl. She wrapped her arms around Y/N and held her close, feeling the warmth of their shared embrace.

In her sleep, Y/N instinctively snuggled closer to Tiffany, burying her face in the older idol's chest. Tiffany smiled, her heart filled with love and contentment. She couldn't imagine a more precious moment than this.

The next morning, Y/N woke up to find herself still wrapped in Tiffany's comforting embrace. She blinked up at Tiffany, her eyes wide with surprise. 

Y/N - Unnie, did you sleep here all night?

Tiffany nodded with a tender smile.

Tiffany - I wanted to make sure you were safe and sound, sweetheart.

Y/N's heart swelled with affection for her new older sister or mom (lol). 

Tiffany - Thank you, unnie. You're the best!

After a hearty breakfast prepared by the Girls' Generation members, it was time for Y/N to return home. She gave each member a tight hug and thanked them for the wonderful day and night she had spent with them.

Tiffany knelt down to Y/N's eye level and whispered.

Tiffany - You're welcome to visit us anytime, boo. We had so much fun with you, and we'd love to have you back.

Y/N's eyes lit up with excitement. 

Y/N - I'll definitely come back, unnie. I had the best time ever!

Y/N had spent an unforgettable day and night with Girls' Generation, and as she returned home, she couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth and contentment. The memories of their time together filled her heart with joy.

As she stepped into the TWICE dorm, her fellow members greeted her with hugs and smiles. They could see the happiness radiating from her, and they were eager to hear about her day with Girls' Generation.

Jihyo - Dinner is ready, baby! Come join us at the table.

Y/N eagerly joined her unnies for dinner, amusing them with stories of her adventures with Girls' Generation. She recounted how kind and caring they had been, and how much fun they had together. The members of TWICE listened with interest, their smiles growing wider with each passing story.

Nayeon - It sounds like you had an amazing time, kid.

Jeongyeon - We're so glad you got to spend time with Girls' Generation. They're like family to us.

As the evening wore on, Y/N's thoughts kept drifting back to her day with Girls' Generation. She had felt so loved and cherished by both her TWICE sisters and her new friends. It was an experience she wouldn't soon forget.

After dinner, as TWICE's honey was getting ready for bed, she couldn't shake the feeling of longing to see Girls' Generation again. She knew that it might be some time before their schedules aligned for another visit, but she couldn't help but express her desire.

As she entered the living room, where some of the members were gathered, she took a deep breath and spoke from her heart. 

Y/N - Unnies, I had the best time with Girls' Generation, and I really miss them already. Do you think we could visit them again sometime?

Momo, Sana, and Mina, the J-line, exchanged knowing glances. They could see the genuine happiness and connection Y/N had formed with Girls' Generation, and they couldn't deny her request.

Momo spoke up as her eyes filled with understanding. 

Momo - Of course, darling. We'll do our best to arrange another visit soon. You've found a special bond with them, and we want you to be happy.

Sana and Mina nodded in agreement. 

Mina - We'll make it happen, lovely girl.

Y/N's heart swelled with gratitude for her caring and supportive unnies. She knew that she was fortunate to have not one, but two incredible groups of idols who loved and cared for her like family.

As she settled into bed that night, she couldn't help but smile. She had found a place in both TWICE and Girls' Generation, surrounded by people who cherished and adored her. She knew that the future held more wonderful moments and memories with her two idol families, and she couldn't wait for the next time she would get to see Girls' Generation and bask in their love once again. And as she fell asleep, she could only have one thought:

I love my dear chosen family.

A/N: I'm sorry for any errors, English is not my first language. Pls, let me know if there's something wrong, ty for reading <3

[words-and-threads]

I get the impression that a significant part of the difficulty discussing Israel and Palestine is the prevalence of dogwhistles and the fucking peanut gallery of people waiting to sing along. Someone says "The Israeli government and military are committing a genocide and some Israelis actively support it" and the chucklefucks chime in with "Yeah! Jews have nothing to complain about! They run the world!" Someone says "Jews have been and still are under threat all over the world" and the other chucklefucks cheer on "Yeah, they're only bombing civilians in self-defense and in any case Muslims aren't real people."

And even if you absolutely do not fucking mean that people are going to take it that way because every way to express a reasonable and compassionate opinion about the situation has been used to camouflage bigotry already. And when someone else expresses those opinions you have no idea whether they're being reasonable or leading you somewhere horrible.

Of course people are paranoid. How are they supposed to know whether you're engaging in good faith when you're saying THE EXACT SAME SHIT the bigots always start with. And every reasonable conversation seems to end with them having to slam on the breaks when it goes wrong. After a while you default to defense rather than do the whole charade of "Why yes, Israeli civilians don't necessarily have anywhere else to go" followed by "what? No that does not mean anything they do to Palestinians is self-defense that's stupid what's wrong with you?" Like...why even bother?

I mean, I suppose the answer is because then the chucklefucks win but I can't blame anyone for just being too fucking tired to wrestle the conversation back from them one more time, especially if they're also afraid for the lives of their loved ones.

I don't totally know what my point is. I guess...extend each other some grace? Some people are in full defense mode because they are in fact under threat, if not from you personally. They're scared and probably in pain and not in a place for dispassionate debate. If they want reassurance that you don't want them dead, it's because those sentiments are rampant and sometimes coming from people they thought they could trust.

And on the other end, a lot of people genuinely want to help. They don't want anyone to die and they're trying to offer compassion in an extremely delicate situation. They can't un-poison the well and there's nothing they can say that doesn't risk being misinterpreted. I've been in this situation so many times with those recovering from abuse. I can try to earn their trust but I can't definitively prove I'm safe. It's exhausting and kind of hurtful to be treated as a secret abuser who just hasn't revealed themselves yet, even if I understand it's got nothing to do with me as a person.

Even the chucklefucks aren't coming from a place of pure unbiased reason. I mean, of course they aren't. They're expressing their own pain and fear and trying to find safety and belonging. They're just doing it in a shitty and ineffective way, like a man falling back on homophobia to prove he's a hetero manly man. The harm they can do is absolutely real but their actual opinions don't warrant consideration.

And of course all of this is made harder by the fact we're talking to strangers by text so we have no clue what anyone is really thinking or even what they mean half the time. Trying to pull a coherent narrative out of that mess is probably pointless. It's just people. People flailing around trying to say the right thing and trying to be seen and trying to help and trying to strike a blow against Bad Thing and trying to figure out how they feel and how everyone else feels. Let's just assume we're all gonna fuck it up at some point and not define each other's entire personality by those fuckups.

-signed, some internet blowhard whose opinion should also not be taken uncritically

[aspenforestsystem]

Intro post!

We've been here a while and over the course of time this has become an OSDD/System and Alterhuman/Otherkin blog. So this is what this blog is about now, lol. Sorry to anyone who followed us for the moss or goblincore stuff, it's okay if you unfollow. Edit: Also blog about multiple mental/physical disabilities.

We are part of an undiagnosed OSDD System. (We've done a lot of research, please respect that. If you don't agree with us then please leave.)

Some of us within the system are non-human and have found much comfort in the Alterhuman or Otherkin community. So we are going to collectively share this Blog.

Edit: We are also Undiagnosed Autistic with PDA Type and Partially Verbal (again we've done extended research). Also Hard of Hearing. And Physically disabled from undiagnosed/unknown conditions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About Us:

Abysmal (Abyss for short) They/Them. Polymorphic Shadowkin. Is ageless/age slider. Minor Forest Deity. Favorite colors are Green, Brown, and Black. Loves Bread, Moss, Slugs, and Isopods. Has inner world / headspace memories. Role is emotional protector.

AN (pronounced Ann) TW: Death and Car Accidents. She/They. Ghostkin. Is 19+ years old. Split / died from when the body was in a very bad car accident we should have died from. Favorite colors are Black, White, and Pastels. Loves candles/incense, the attic, singing, and bread (too). Has memories from before dying we think. Role is Trauma Holder for Car/Driving PTSD.

Rosemary, She/Her. Vampire/Succubus kin. Ageless/Forever-Young (is old AF lol). Favorite colors are Red, Black, and Pink. Likes interior design, chocolate covered cherries, Love-Poems, flowers. Doesn't really have past memories as far as we know. Role is Sexual Protector.

Edit because there are more of us who want to post:

Petunia, She/Her. Dogkin/AussiePom. Age slider. Favorite colors, All the colors! Likes Food and head pats and play and and and!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Doesn't like bad humans! And being told I'm bad girl! (I'm not bad girl, you are!) Role? *Tries to roll over*

Sassy, She/Her. Catkin/Maine coon. Age slider. Favorite colors, idk. Likes naps, watching the birds, and basking in the sun. Dislikes loud noises, the over excitement of others. Role, not really sure.

Sprout, They/Them. Changeling/Fae/Creature/Cryptid kin-thingy. No age. Favorite colors, green, brown, red, yellow, orange. Likes the forest, mud, food, creeks, clay. Dislikes mean peoples who hurt forest. Role, pretty sure to escape reality, to make body feel good, to make us have fun again.

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DNI: MAP/Pedo, Nazi, KKK, Racist, Anti-POC, Anti-LGBT+, Anti-Kin, Anti-System, Anti-Furry, Pro-Shipper, Anti-Agere, Ableist, ProLife, Propolice, MAGA (I Will Block You)

Minors are okay, but please do not engage in long term conversations with me (I just want to keep everyone safe).

[harrumphingtons]

!!!TBB S2E14 "Tipping Point" Spoilers Under the Cut!!! -- Episode Thoughts

THIS EPISODE WAS SO GOOD AHHHHHH THAT WAS AMAZING

CAN CROSSHAIR PLEASE JUST BE SAFE AND HAPPY NOW I AM BEGGING YOU FILONI

HOWZER IS SAFE HOWZER IS ALIVE HOWZER HOWZER HOWZERRRRRRRRRRR

Echo was such a badass omg that whole sequence was incredible Echo is back Echo is going what he does best yessssssss

Echo is also wearing pants!!! Not just the kama!!! Makes him less conspicuous and less recognizable i guess? Although I kind of miss a kama and I definitely was wishing he'd. y'know. have rex's handprint back on his chest. i really thought that would happen.

CROSSHAIR WAS NEVER TRYING TO ESCAPE HE JUST WANTED TO PROTECT WITH BROTHERS AND SISTERS I CANNOT PLS HELP ME AHHHHHH

Also him missing shots and being genuinely out of it was like. Thank you for actually showing some side effects of drugs and torture. But please stop this is scaring me. Can he be rescued very soon please and thank you.

Wrecker being so happy fishing and helping out rebuilding ahhhhhh I love it I love the domesticity I love that they're putting down roots I love that he's happy and I HATE that it is likely not going to stay this way

OMEGA MISSED ECHO SO MUCH OH ME OH MY I ALMOST CRIED THAT WAS SO SWEET

Aside from me ranting about smaller details in the episode, I do have some actual speculations and theories and stuff:

Echo and Hunter's conversation was very, very, very intriguing, as many others have pointed out. I've seen a couple people saying, in regard to the "when will it be enough thing?" thing, that Echo likely feels like he has to atone for all the brothers he "killed" while he was imprisoned, even if he rationally knows it wasn't his fault. I think this might be part of it, but I also feel like the point of this conversation was to further highlight the differences between Echo and the rest of the Batch in terms of how they think and who they consider family. Hunter doesn't understand the point of trying to rescue all the other clones and sees it as a sort of valiant mission that Echo and the others will eventually have to give up on when 1) they feel they've done enough, or 2) they realize it's impossible to save everyone. meanwhile, Hunter's greatest objective is keeping his family safe. However, Echo (and Rex and Gregor and all the other regs in the network)'s mission objective is more similar to that than Hunter realizes. When Hunter points out the the Empire is too powerful to defeat, Echo says, "It's not about that. It's about fighting for our brothers." Echo is fighting to keep his family safe, too, but his family isn't like Hunter's--it's a lot larger.

Echo and Rex and the rest of the "regs" have always been shown as regarding the entirety of the clone army as their brothers. No one in the Bad Batch has ever shown that kind of attitude. I'm not saying that's without reason; they likely grew up isolated and when they did come into contact with regs, they were often bullied. But it is important to note that the Bad Batch's family does not extend beyond Hunter, Tech, Wrecker, Omega, Echo, Crosshair somewhat (given obvious current tensions between him and the others, he's not entirely part of their family at the point), and to some extent regs who've treated them with kindness and care about them, like Cody and Rex. However, Echo's family not only includes the Batch but also Rex and Cody and Gregor and Howzer, and every other clone in existence because all of the regs were raised together, as brothers. Echo's dedication to (since the very beginning of season 1) fighting the empire, joining Rex, freeing or otherwise helping other clones, etcetera, has never been about taking down a power he knows is too powerful to defeat. It's always been about saving and protecting his family, the same way everything Hunter has done since the Batch took Omega and left Kamino has been to protect his family.

Another thing I've been seeing talked about a lot: Hunter's skepticism in regard to Crosshair's message. A lot of people have been criticizing him for this, but I personally think he was completely justified. Crosshair did, after all, choose to stay with the Empire of his own accord, and since Hunter has no idea when Crosshair's chip was removed (although I'm pretty sure it's widely assumed to be right after the ion engine scorch on Bracca), he can't be sure which actions of Crosshair's can be blamed on the chip. Did Crosshair order his squad to fire on Omega on Bracca, or was that the chip? Hunter doesn't know. And like I said before, Hunter's main priority is protecting his family, a family Crosshair is currently not exactly a part of. His belief that it is possibly a trap is not unfounded, at all.

Moving on from that, I'm very excited to see how the last two episodes go down. Theories: Obviously, the Batch, now including Echo again, and maybe with the help of Rex, Gregor, Fireball, or another clone in the network, is going to end up trying to rescue Crosshair. Whether this happens because Omega is taken to Tantiss or just because they want Crosshair back is to be seen, but I think it's going to be the first one -- or maybe even both mixed together. The Batch will leave Pabu with the intent of finding Crosshair, and this is how Omega is captured, and this is how the find Tantiss in the first place, which leads them to Crosshair. As much as I hate to think about it, it is very likely someone will die at the end of the season and it's probably going to be either Echo or Crosshair. If it is either of them, it'll likely be in a sacrifice move to save the others -- or, in Crosshair's case, maybe even to save just Omega. Ultimately, either of those deaths would tie into the title of this episode, making either Echo's differing thoughts or Crosshair's situation and one of their subsequent deaths Hunter's tipping point. It would be what pushes him over the edge and into the fight against the Empire, for revenge for his brother.

[julemmaes]

Robyn

Rowaelin Month, Day Ten

A/N: I'd planned on posting them in order, but you get what you get. Idk when the other prompts will come tbf. I hope soon. Anyway, I managed to write over 6k words today and I'm pretty fucking proud.

This is just fluff over fluff, so yep enjoy!!

Word count: 3,047

Rowan was unbelievably late as he sped through the streets of Orynth.

So late that the school had called not only him, but also the front desk of the place where he worked when he hadn't answered the call on his personal phone. Sorscha, his assistant, had entered his office with an embarrassed smile on her lips, as if she didn't want to tell him that he had forgotten for the umpteenth time to pick up his daughter from school.

Lorcan had joined him, for some strange reason, but Rowan had stopped bothering when it came to his best friend. He'd been trying to figure out how he reasoned for years and had come to the conclusion that there was no logical sense in the actions of the man sitting next to him, who was currently singing at the top of his lungs to one of the songs on the Frozen CD - which much to the chagrin of both of them, had gotten stuck in his car radio months before, forcing them into hours of torture.

He would never deny that the songs were all quite catchy, but after the sixteenth time Rowan had had to listen to Let It Go at maximum volume, his positive opinion of the film had begun to waver.

As they pulled into the school parking lot, Rowan noticed with deep regret that the only cars still there were those of the teachers and school staff.

They both got out of the car, Rowan walking quickly towards the entrance while Lorcan dragged behind him.

He greeted the caretakers sitting at the entrance, who returned a big smile. A smile that grew even wider when his large, imposing friend entered a few moments later. He stopped to talk to the old ladies and Rowan walked down the corridor he knew led to Robyn's classroom.

He could hear muffled voices from inside the teachers' room on the left and the one he knew belonged to Miss Galathynius coming from the right. He looked out over the classroom, spotting the two people sitting at a desk.

As soon as his daughter saw him, her eyes widened and a huge smile flashed across her face.

No words. No "hello, daddy!" or "I missed you!" from the little girl.

Her teacher turned as she leapt out of her chair and ran towards him, hugging his legs and looking up at him. Rowan smiled at her in turn, running a hand over her hair that was shot in every direction.

"Hello, little bird," he murmured to her. The child's smile widened even more if that was possible.

The woman a few feet away from them pulled herself upright, crossing her arms over her chest and offering a sincere smile to the child, who hid behind his thighs.

Rowan was about to tell her that Robyn was shy with everyone like this, ready to defend his daughter's behaviour as he was used to doing in front of every adult, but he was beaten to the punch.

"It's good to see you, Mr Whitethorn," she said, extending a hand. Rowan shook it without hesitation. "Actually, I just wanted to write you a letter regarding Robyn," she continued, never taking her eyes off the little girl. "Nothing serious," she hastened to reassure him when Rowan grimaced, "quite the contrary. Robyn is remarkably good. One of the best in the class, though I shouldn't offer that information so bluntly."

Miss Galathynius winked at him, but he couldn't process what he'd just been told.

"Sorry, could you-"

The little hands clamped around his trousers tightened a fraction more and Rowan looked down, trying to figure out what was bothering his daughter, but then something happened that he hadn't even dared to dream about in recent times.

"You're here!"

The little girl broke off and ran away from him in less than the blink of an eye.

Rowan turned just in time to see Lorcan grab Robyn in mid-air, spinning her around as he brought her to his chest and showered her with kisses. The loud, incessant laughter that erupted from her seemed too much coming from that fragile little body, but he never tired of hearing it.

"Why hello baby!" said Lorcan laughing in turn, starting to tickle her until she begun to rebel and he was forced to let her slide to the floor. Robyn was still laughing at the top of her lungs and nearly fell to the ground as she squealed left and right, letting herself be pushed around by the closest thing to an uncle she had ever had.

When Rowan turned back to the woman, she was wide-eyed and her lips slightly parted as she watched the massive man dressed completely in black and the menacing face turn into a completely different person the second he had seen Robyn.

He chuckled, "I know, it's not every day you get to see a little girl be so comfortable with a brute like that."

Lorcan, who was listening to everything, looked him straight in the eye and without stopping smiling and playing with the little girl, mouthed to him to fuck off.

"Well, yeah. You caught me a little off guard." she confessed, still shocked to hear how Robyn was having a full conversation with Lorcan. They couldn't hear anything of what she was actually saying, but even just the fact she was talking to someone seemed to have Aelin unsettled.

She returned her attention to Rowan and let out a breath that sounded more like a giggle, "I've never heard her laugh before."

He nodded, blushing a little at the teacher's surprised but relieved tone.

"I'm sure the dean warned you about the problem she has," he said in a low voice. He grimaced at her poor choice of words, "I mean, not problem, but the difficulty she finds in interacting with people she doesn't know."

Liar, he told himself. Robyn hadn't spoken to anyone but him and Lorcan since the day Lyria had died. It wasn't a difficulty, but a response to the trauma that prevented her from speaking to anyone who wasn't part of her immediate family.

"I know, I know. We've been looking for solutions together." she informed him. "I give her a white board every morning. Come on, I'll show you." she turned to the desk they were sitting at earlier and raised the magnetic board, on which a few words were scribbled on. "I'll write here what she might need. Yes. No. I need to go to the bathroom. I'm thirsty. I'm hungry." she read, listing the various options. Rowan gaped. "We've only just started going over the alphabet for a second time, so she can't really read or write yet, as I imagine you know, but the little drawings next to each sentence help her."

She continued talking, but he couldn't quite follow.

The woman in front of him - aside from being breathtakingly beautiful - had done as much as she could to help her child with communication.

"Mr. Whitethorn-"

"Rowan. Please, call me Rowan." he said, clearing his throat once he realized how hoarse it sounded to his ears. Lorcan walked up to them at that point, still holding Robyn in his arms and positioned himself next to him, letting their shoulders touch in a comforting way.

"Call me Aelin, then," she smiled at them both. Then she made a small grimace, turning to Rowan, "I wanted to ask if it bothered you, that I sought a solution like that. Maybe I put her in distress, embarrassed her. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I wanted to solve this on my own. I really wanted to discuss it with you, with your husband too, to avoid misunderstandings. Maybe we could arrange a meeting."

He was about to tell her that she had given him the exact opposite of annoyance, that he had been more than pleased that she had helped Robyn this way, when her words finally registered.

Lorcan, beside him, had opened his mouth wide and his lips were slowly bending into a mischievous smile.

Rowan furrowed his brow, "I'm sorry, what?"

Aelin's smile seemed to falter. "A meeting? With you? To talk about how to handle the situation," then she shifted her gaze to Lorcan, "You're more than welcome to join as well. I didn't know Robyn had two dads, I apologise for assuming Robyn had a mum and dad. That was very rude of me-"

"I love this," Lorcan whispered, laughing in shock. He turned to Rowan with eyes that sparkled with amusement, "I would definitely be the top."

Rowan looked at him with an expression of complete shock on his face, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Robyn gasped, opening her eyes wide and bringing a hand to her mouth, pointing then to Rowan's.

"Yeah, sorry, love. I shouldn't have said the bad word." he apologised, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. He turned back to Miss Galathynius, "I'm sorry to have to disappoint you, but we're not married."

"No need to lie, sweetie. I'm sure Aelin," he gave her a knowing look, "doesn't mind at all about our relationship status."

Aelin nodded, "Well, yes. That doesn't change anything. Mr..." she turned to Lorcan, searching for a name.

"Salvaterre."

"Mr. Salvaterre can still attend. The fact that you are not yet married is no reason why you cannot both be present at the meeting. You don't have to worry, we are a very tolerant school and if anyone bothers you, you can come directly to me."

A sound of sheer glee escaped Lorcan.

Aelin continued, "I mean it. I was pleased to see both of you today. I was also pleased to see Robyn smiling so much." she concluded, looking the little one in the face.

Rowan took a deep breath, bracing himself, "No, I meant, we're not a couple. We're not gay. He's her uncle."

The woman's blonde eyebrows shot up and a second later she turned almost as red as the dress Robyn was wearing as Lorcan shook his head muttering something very much like 'you're no fun', which made Robyn giggle.

"Why did you even get off the car?" he asked him exasperated.

Lorcan shrugged, "Because I missed my little bean, you monster." he replied, clutching Robyn to his chest. The little girl clutched Lorcan's shirt in her chubby little hands and Rowan huffed, shaking his head.

Aelin brought her hands to her face, leaning against the desk behind her. She shook her head, her face still hidden, "Oh, god. I'm so sorry."

Lorcan let out a dry laugh, "Don't worry about it. It was fun while it lasted." then he turned to Rowan again, who was still trying to recover from the idea of being involved in a relationship with his friend, "You're really no fun."

"Yeah, no fun dad." repeated Robyn.

Silence fell over the class. Rowan looked at her with wide eyes and blinked once, twice. Robyn was staring at him with a sweet scowl that mimicked so much that of the man who was still holding her, but Rowan couldn't get over the fact that his daughter had spoken while Aelin was still beside them.

He was about to talk, noticing how Robyn had started squirming in Lorcan's arms, when there was a knock at the door.

They both turned, Aelin peering over Rowan's shoulder, and saw the figure of a petite girl with black hair and eyes standing in the doorway, watching them with her head slightly bent to the side. She had a tag on her t-shirt that was too colourful to belong to someone who didn't work in a school with children, so he guessed she was a teacher herself. Besides, Rowan felt like he'd seen her elsewhere. Probably every day when he picked Robyn up from school, he said to himself.

"I know you're not supposed to eavesdrop but I stopped by earlier and heard you were a couple of dads," she said by way of introduction. "I just wanted to reassure you that the school is an extremely safe place. I'm the one who did most of the interviews with the parents," that's where they had met then, "and one of the questions that is asked is just about the tolerance of the people who will be attending the school."

Aelin watched her, remaining silent the whole time and putting on an amused smile, nodded, "That's what I was telling them. How tolerant the school is. They make such a cute couple, don't you think, Elide?"

Rowan turned to her, arching an eyebrow, silently asking her what she was doing. The woman, as if she could truly understand what he was trying to convey to her, nodded her head towards Lorcan, who Rowan only then noticed was standing weirdly, his eyes fixed on the woman in the doorway.

He grinned, deciding to take his revenge right away. "Oh, yes. Thank you so much for the reassurance," Rowan began to play along as well. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lorcan turn towards him, dropping Robyn to the floor, who made a disapproving noise at being dumped so suddenly. "We are happy to know that this school is a safe place for our daughter. And for us."

Elide offered him a blinding smile, "Good. I'm happy to hear that you are pleased so far. And I am happy that Aelin is the one who is taking your daughter's class. She's the best one here."

Rowan didn't know her yet, but he knew the thing Elide had just said could only be true.

"Well," she said again, giving them an apologetic smile, "I really must go now, but if you need anything, you can find all my contact details on the website. Have a nice day!"

Aelin and Rowan said their goodbyes, thanking her. Lorcan took a while to recover, but when he realised he was staring into empty space he ran towards the door, almost stepping on little Robyn, who was moved by Aelin.

"We are very much not gay, miss!" he shouted into the hallway. Aelin, now beside him and with a hand on Robyn's shoulder, cackled. With Lorcan's infinite luck, someone walked by just then and gave him a stern look. "Oh, shut up ma'am. I'm an ally. The best ally."

Rowan shook his head as Lorcan launched himself in pursuit of the poor teacher and burst out laughing when he heard him shout, "I'm not homophobic! I'm willing to suck someone's cock if I have to prove it to you!"

Aelin opened her mouth wide before bursting out laughing in turn.

Robyn, seeing both adults so happy, giggled too and Rowan bent down to pick her up. The little girl laid her full head of white-light hair on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

She was tired and Rowan really needed to get her home to sleep.

He glanced at Aelin and reduced his lips to a thin line, "I'm sorry about the commotion, I'll try not to bring him into the building again. Even if it means tying him to the seat."

The soft laugh she gave made something tighten in his chest. He frowned.

Aelin didn't seem to notice the effect she had on him, "Don't worry, Elide is crazy about fools like him. If he says the right things, we might start seeing each other outside of school too."

Rowan nodded, now too caught up in the thought of having to take Robyn home to focus on anything else.

They agreed on when to hold the parent-teacher meeting and then he grabbed Robyn's backpack, walking towards the exit.

He was thoughtless as he reached into his pocket for his keys and balanced everything else - including the girl - on his other arm, but when Robyn's hand brushed his cheek, he looked down and his eyes met their twins. Green against green.

"What is it?"

The little girl's voice never stopped making him smile. Each time was like the first time she had said dada.

"I really like her."

Rowan frowned, "Who?"

"Miss Aelin." she whispered, almost as if she was afraid they might hear her.

He smiled at her, "Yeah? You like her?"

"She's nice to me."

Rowan had to put her down as he opened the door and let her get into the back seats by herself.

"I'm glad she's treating you well, love," he let her know, buckling her in.

He hoped she'd tell him more about her new teacher, but like any kid her age, the topic of conversation couldn't last for more than four lines apiece, "Where's Uncle Lorcan?"

Rowan snorted, "No idea, little bird."

Robyn nodded, "Elide is pretty too."

And as if those words had summoned him, Lorcan appeared beside the car, making them both scream. He entered the car in a heartbeat and turned to his daughter, who was still settling into the seat. "Do you know Miss Lochan?"

But before she could answer him, Rowan had entered the car in turn and smacked the back of his head, which made the Robyn giggle, "You're not using my daughter as your wingman. Now stop it and buckle up."

Lorcan gave him a gentle push, before doing as he was told and for once he was happy he'd convinced him to do something.

Or at least, Rowan thought he had convinced him.

"What if I left you a note to deliver to Miss Lochan, Rob? Would you be up for it?"

Rowan knew, even without looking at her, that she was nodding emphatically.

Keeping his eyes on the road, he murmured, "Could you stop calling my daughter Rob, please? You'll give her an existential crisis."

Lorcan clicked his tongue against his palate, "Rowan, I'm not giving her a damn thing. We live in this new world, okay? Your daughter could be called Simon and still be a beautiful princess. Grow up and educate yourself before you talk shit."

"Aaaah!" shouted Robyn, "Bad word!"

Rowan sighed and shook his head, but still he was smiling.

This was his life. Had been for the past two years.

And he wouldn't change it for the world.

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[helloalycia]

The Wrong Lifetime – Five // Wanda Maximoff

chapter four | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad | chapter six

author’s note: dying of cramps but didn’t wanna leave y’all hanging, so enjoy! x

Taking Wanda to Blackpool was something I couldn't stop thinking about for the past three days.

I kept telling myself that I had to remain calm, not make her feel uncomfortable with my obvious attraction to her, and to give her the best day out considering she'd never been before. It wasn't anything more than a girl spending time with her soon-to-be sister-in-law, and I had to keep reminding myself that whenever I'd feel a stir of desire in my chest at the thought her pretty smile or intoxicating gaze.

My family were thrilled when they heard of my plans with Wanda. My parents were glad I was actually making an effort to get on with her, whilst my brother was excited I was becoming 'best friends', as he put it, with his fiancé. That one stung a little, the guilt pricking my insides, but I convinced myself that that was exactly what I was doing. It wasn't wrong if I didn't think of Wanda in any way but what she was. Right?

The weekend came around quickly enough, and on Saturday morning, I met with Wanda at the train station where she waiting for me with an enthusiastic smile.

"I brought my watercolours and sketchbook so I can paint what's there," she explained as we boarded the train. "I also bought a lot of pencils in case some snap. I'm gonna draw everything I see so I don't forget a single thing."

We slid into our seats and I smiled with admiration as she continued to ramble about all of the things she wanted to do today. She looked so lively when she spoke, her hands moving about frantically to express her excitement, and her lips permanently etched into a smile when she wittered on. I didn't mean to stare, but God, she looked beautiful.

"Thank you again for doing this," she finished, head turning to mine.

Now, I'd read and written many clichés of someone falling for someone else, particularly the moment they knew they were too far gone. It was hard to believe if they were true depictions of liking someone, but I liked reading and writing them.

It was now that I learnt that they were no exaggeration, for when she looked my way with a beaming smile and glowing green eyes, I knew it was too late. There was no going back for my attraction to Wanda.

"No need to thank me," I spoke slowly, surprised I could speak at all since she'd knocked the breath from my lungs. "I'm glad you're excited."

The journey was a few hours long and we made conversation the whole way. It was the longest I'd spent alone with her since meeting her and I was intrigued by everything she had to say, hanging onto every word with all of my attention. If that wasn't enough, her accent only made everything she said sound so much better. She was naturally soft-spoken, but syllables rolled off her tongue in a silky, raspy way with her accent entwined in her words. I loved it.

At one point, the topic of our families came up and I felt like my brother came up in almost every conversation I'd had with anyone who discussed family, so I took this as my opportunity to get to know hers instead.

"What's it like to have a twin?" I asked, leaning on my elbow as I watched her attentively.

She mirrored my action playfully, though answered my question. "It's just like having a normal sibling, except they're way more annoying."

I smiled, imaging just how annoying Pietro could be as a sibling.

"I love Pietro, but he's very frustrating at times," she spoke with a hint of endearment. "He constantly throws it in my face that's he's older than me by twelve minutes. As if that makes a difference."

A chuckle flew from my lips as she pouted at her own words.

"But he's also my best friend," she said with a sigh, like that fact was irritating in itself. "He knows me better than anyone and he's the easiest person for me to talk to. I don't have to hide anything from him." She paused, glancing upwards in thought. "Well, almost anything."

Pursing my lips, I wondered what she meant as she mumbled the last part, but didn't question it. Everyone was entitled to their secrets.

"So, you and your family moved to England when you were kids, right?" I tried to recall what my parents had told me of them. "From Sokovia."

"Yes, we were about..." She scrunched up her nose as she tried to remember. "Eight years old, I think?"

"Wow, that's young," I realised.

She hummed in agreement, smile fading as her eyes fell to her hands. "Yeah... I don't remember much, but there was a lot of unrest at the time. A war. It was dangerous for everyone and my parents were lucky to get us out when they did."

I frowned, knowing some of this already, but it was sadder to hear when it was coming from Wanda herself.

"Our extended family didn't make it out," she continued to explain, voice quieter. "I didn't know them much, my parents' siblings, so it's not that sad for me. Pietro, too. But it's strange to think, you know? Especially when all of your family are around with this wedding and–" She sighed, shaking her head and looking to me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring the mood down."

I straightened up, reassuring her instantly. "Wanda, you don't need to apologise. It's okay. I... I didn't know any of that. I'm glad you told me."

She nodded, though the regret was still present in her gaze.

"I'm sorry all of that happened," I expressed honestly, not looking away. "But I'm glad you're here, if it makes a difference. You– your family are good people."

A small, appreciative smile graced her lips. "Thank you."

I shrugged, trying to brush it off so she wouldn't notice the heat rising up my neck. "It's nothing... so Sokovia. You speak Russian and English. That's pretty bloody cool."

She laughed wholeheartedly and any hint of sadness disappeared from her face, reassuring me completely. I didn't like to see her sad, especially when there was nothing I could do to make her feel better that I knew of.

"I promise to teach you some Russian today," she said with amusement. "A few words, just to diversify your vocabulary."

"Gee, thanks."

Another laugh escaped her and I chewed on my lip to contain my grin. I could get used to that sound.

—

When we reached Blackpool, Wanda was radiating with excitement. We couldn't make it two steps anywhere before she whipped out her sketchbook and began to sketch. She wasn't kidding when she said she was going to capture everything she saw.

I was patient, since the reason we came was for her, and watched as she worked. It was cute, seeing her concentrate and trying to stop dancing around with excitement every time I showed her something new.

We walked along the promenade and dipped in and out of the shops, looking at the gifts and clothes they sold. We bought a few things to commemorate the trip, but then Wanda was quick to drag me back outside so she could sketch the view of the beach from where we were stood. The grin on her face was convincing enough for me to let her drag me wherever she wanted. She looked so happy and I didn't care about anything else.

Eventually, around lunchtime, we headed to a café to have a break from all the excitement. Or rather, a break from running around. For Wanda, it was a better opportunity to sit still and sketch some more.

"So, you're drinking what, Y/N?" she asked, not looking up from her sketches as she worked.

I looked at my tea and lowered the cup. "Er, tea?"

"In Russian," she instructed.

"Oh." I cleared my throat, remembering what she taught me earlier. "Chay."

"And what's in the chay?" she asked, lifting her eyes to meet mine patiently. "The milk?"

"Moloko," I remembered, and the proud smile on her face reassured me I was correct. My shoulders relaxed as I returned her smile. "Thanks."

"You're a natural," she assured me, before looking back to her sketchbook. "I only taught you the words. You remembered it yourself. And before you know it, ty budesh' govorit' polnymi predlozheniyami na russkom."

My mouth opened with confusion, not knowing what she said. She seemed to realise as she chuckled at my expression.

"Never mind, milaya (darling)," she said with humoured eyes, before resuming her sketching.

I breathed out, taking another sip of my tea before grabbing a fork to dig into my pasta. As I chewed, I watched Wanda move her pencil effortlessly, creating lines that somehow resulted in a perfect drawing of the horizon.

"Do you only draw and paint landscapes?" I asked curiously.

"I can do portraits, too," she answered with a nod, glancing at me. "But they're never as good."

I gave her a knowing look. "I doubt that."

She merely smiled in response, eyes meeting mine for a moment, before shaking her head with amusement and looking back to her sketches. I chuckled, leaving her to it as I enjoyed my lunch and read the newspaper.

It was nice to just sit and enjoy each other's company as we did our own thing. I'd occasionally glance up to see Wanda focused on her drawing and smile, allowing myself to appreciate the sight, before looking back down to the paper and enjoying my pasta.

By the time I finished my food, as had Wanda, she straightened up and tore a page from her sketchbook. The noise pulled me from my reading and I looked up to see her holding the paper towards me.

I quirked a brow, but she simply shook the paper, signalling for me to take it. With confusion, I took it and became speechless when I saw what she'd drawn. It was me reading the paper, the exact view she must have had from being sat opposite me. It looked exactly like me, probably better since I knew I didn't look that good, and I was amazed at her talent all over again.

"You did this just now?" I asked with disbelief, looking up at her.

She shrugged and distracted herself with her pencil. "Yeah, it's not much. It's not my specialty."

I scoffed. "You're kidding. Wanda, this is amazing!"

Bashful smile on her lips, she glanced up at me. "Maybe it's the best portrait I've done. But I think that's down to my subject."

Even when she was embarrassed, she was still capable of turning the tables on me, leaving me a flustered mess. It was like her superpower. A very annoyingly cute superpower.

"That's what you look like y'know," she continued, nodding to the paper in my hand. "When you're focused on reading. You chew your lip with thought. And you get this little crease–" she pointed between her brows with a laugh, "–right here, and you seem to forget that anything else exists."

A sweet smile spread on her face as she tilted her head, watching me with intimidating eyes, very much aware of the effect her words had on me.

"You're very observant," I said, trying not to stutter, her gaze making me nervous. "Perfect skill for an artist."

She hummed in agreement, though didn't look away. "Mere artistic observation, right?"

My heart was hammering in her chest the longer she stared, especially when her words dawned on me. I'd said the exact same thing after she confronted me about picking her ring. I wondered if she could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

Just like the first time I saw her, I was at a loss for words and couldn't look away. She was compelling, beautiful and remarkable all at once.

—

"Nebo," I said, hoping it was the correct word for 'sky' in Russian, as Wanda had taught me.

She grinned. "Yes! And horizon?"

I pulled a face as I thought carefully. "Er...gorizont?"

"The student is soon to become the master," she said, and I rolled my eyes, knowing that was anything but the truth. I appreciated her encouragement though.

"Okay, before we head to the beach, we have to buy some rock," I told her, leading her to the stall on the promenade. "I got it last time and it's so good."

She furrowed her brows. "What's that?"

I smiled at her expression. "It's a sweet. Kind of like boiled sugar that's formed into a stick of, well, rock."

She didn't seem convinced. "If you say it's good, I trust you, I guess..."

I laughed, grabbing her hand and tugging her to the stall. "You'll love it."

After getting two sticks of rock for Wanda and I, we began to walk to the sand. I glanced at the brunette, wanting to see her reaction. She eyed the hard candy before attempting to bite it, a small piece breaking off at the top. Crunching on it, she scrunched her nose up.

"It's hard," she noted, swallowing the piece. "Tasty, though."

"It's better if you suck on it, love," I let her know with a hidden smile. "Tastes much better."

She did as I said, beginning to suck on the top, and seemed to enjoy it more. Giving me a thumbs up as she sucked it, I couldn't help but laugh again. She looked adorable, so I left her to it and did the same as we walked along the sand and towards the benches in the distance.

Like a child experiencing something for the first time, she began to point excitedly at Blackpool Tower and the ferris wheel in the distance and I just kept nodding along, letting her get excited because it made my heart skip a beat every time she flashed me a smile.

When we reached the benches, I was glad that today wasn't a busy day. It wasn't exactly tourist season, so the beach was scarce of anyone but residents of the town. And even then, our side of the beach was pretty empty, giving us first dibs on a bench that wasn't broken or uncomfortable.

Settling on it, Wanda pulled her legs up and sat cross-legged so she could lean on them and pull out her watercolours. I sat beside her and leaned back, inhaling the salty air and exhaling peacefully. I never had much reason to visit here apart from when my parents took my brother and I on the occasional trip, but it was nice to appreciate the sound of the ocean washing over the sand and the seagulls squawking in the sky. A big difference compared to back home.

Another silence formed between us as she painted the water ahead, and I couldn't help but glance her way, watching her pucker her lips with concentration. All she'd wanted was this and I was glad I could finally give it to her.

So she wouldn't notice, I looked away and stared out at the blue expanse of ocean before me. I should have been appreciating its beauty, but all I could think about was how it was no contest to the girl sat beside me.

"I'm really glad you brought me here today," she said out of the blue after a while, "but I wouldn't have said yes if I'd known you would be bored."

I looked to her and saw she was still preoccupied by her painting. "I'm not bored. We came here so you could see the water and find some new subjects to paint. And that's exactly what we're doing."

She sighed, looking up at me with a questioning glance.

Smiling reassuringly, I said, "I like the quiet. And I like watching you work. You look happy. It's good to see."

She tensed her jaw, stifling a smile, but her eyes said it all. She was grateful. Of course, her eyes were also very easy to get lost in, even if she didn't mean for me to. And right now, under the sun, I found myself drowning in pools of blue.

"What are you thinking?" she asked quietly, a hint of a smile on her face.

Stupidly, I felt compelled to tell her the truth. "I'm thinking about how you have really pretty eyes."

Attempting to make me flustered yet again, her favourite hobby by now I was guessing, she raised a brow teasingly. "Oh, really?"

It didn't bother me this time though, as I maintained eye contact and felt my heart swelling with adoration. "Yes. It's like you hold all the elements in a single gaze."

Her smile faded and that's when I realised what I'd said, my heart dropping to my stomach in an instant. Swallowing hard, I looked away and shook my head. An apology was waiting on the tip of my tongue when she spoke with realisation.

"It was you."

I glanced her way nervously. "What was?"

She was staring like her mind was working something out and I was the missing piece. "The letter that Y/B/N gave me last week. He wrote the exact same thing. What you just said."

My brows knitted together with confusion, then it hit me. The love letter Y/B/N wrote. The one he assured me was for his own eyes. He'd given it to her. And I'd just gone and said the exact thing he'd written on it, no doubt passing it off as is his own words.

"Th–that wasn't me," I got out, shaking my head slowly. "I didn't even know he gave you a letter, Wanda."

She continued to watch me, eyes squinting with scepticism. I swallowed hard under her gaze, trying to think of how I could come back from this. But apparently I didn't have to, because she suddenly leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine.

My mind was foggy when her fingers rested behind my neck, tugging me closer. I closed my eyes, melting at her touch, and began to kiss her back, moving my lips against hers. She was slow and gentle with me, her lips as soft as they looked and sending the butterflies in my stomach into a frenzy. I could have kissed her forever and been content, but my brain finally caught up to my actions and I reluctantly pulled away, stunned.

Glancing around to make sure nobody saw us – there was literally nobody here – I caught my breath and looked back to Wanda. Her eyes were drawn to my lips before they flickered to meet mine, darkened with desire.

"Why did you do that?" was all I could think to ask, and I was acutely aware of her fingers still grasping my neck, the skin burning where her tips grazed.

She licked her swollen lips, expression softening. "I think I've been falling for the wrong Y/L/N."

My lips pressed together, missing the feeling of hers against them. Never in a million years did I expect her to say something like that. I thought she'd been teasing me this whole time, but now, maybe there was truth to her actions.

"Did you really mean what you said?" she asked apprehensively.

"What?"

She swallowed. "What you said about my eyes. Did you mean it?"

Well, she'd kissed me, so there was no going back now.

I nodded, noticing the hesitance in her eyes. "Yes... you're beautiful, Wanda."

She didn't say anything and the silence was deafening. I almost wanted to run back home and pretend this never happened, but that was the cowardly side of me. The other side, the disbelieving side, wanted to stay here with her and keep living in this little bubble we'd created.

"Can I kiss you again?" she finally spoke, eyes flickering between mine for confirmation.

Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded slowly, and she didn't waste another second as she leaned in once again. This time, I wasn't so surprised, so I kissed her back quickly, trying not to think about how wrong this was. How I'd been taught that this was wrong. Because I refused to believe this was wrong, that it was a sin, when it felt so damn right.

Wanda felt right.

—

When I got home later that afternoon, I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

Wanda was all that was on my mind. Everything about her was floating around up there – the contagiousness of her smile, the brightness of her eyes, the taste of her lips. When I left this morning, I wasn't expecting to return with– well, I wasn't sure what we were, but we'd decided to give whatever this was a go.

Of course, she was still engaged to my brother, but I tried not to think about that. She made me happy and maybe in a different lifetime we could have been together, but this was the wrong lifetime which meant I'd have to make some wrong decisions, this possibly being one of them.

The guilt was still present, but the adoration I had for Wanda overpowered it. The fact that she actually liked me back was too thrilling for me to even concern myself with the lack of future this relationship would have. I just wanted to enjoy what we had whilst we had it, even if it meant being together in secret.

"So, how did your trip go?" my mum asked me when I returned, looking up from her knitting.

I stifled my grin the best I could. "It was fun. Wanda loved the seaside."

My mother seemed pleased as she smiled my way. "Y/N, that's great. You know, I'm really proud of you for making an effort with her. It means a lot to everyone."

"Mhm."

"She's going to be your sister-in-law after all," she continued knowingly, "so it's good you're spending time with her. Maybe you could do it more."

I hummed in agreement, my heart fluttering at the possibility of spending more time with Wanda. "Yeah, that could be good."

"Go on upstairs, you must be tired from the travelling," she said after a moment, noticing my distant headspace. "I'm glad you had fun today."

Wanda's smile appeared in my mind again, her lips ghosting my own. I sighed contently.

"Me, too."

[chrisevansluv]

Here is the 2012 Detail Magazine interview with chris evans:

The Avengers' Chris Evans: Just Your Average Beer-Swilling, Babe-Loving Buddhist

The 30-year-old Bud Light-chugging, Beantown-bred star of The Avengers is widely perceived as the ultimate guy's guy. But beneath the bro persona lies a serious student of Buddhism, an unrepentant song-and-dance man, and a guy who talks to his mom about sex. And farts.

By Adam Sachs,

Photographs by Norman Jean Roy

May 2012 Issue

"Should we just kill him and bury his body?" Chris Evans is stage whispering into the impassive blinking light of my digital recorder.

"Chris!" shouts his mother, her tone a familiar-to-anyone-with-a-mother mix of coddling and concern. "Don't say that! What if something happened?"

We're at Evans' apartment, an expansive but not overly tricked-out bachelor-pad-ish loft in a semi-industrial nowheresville part of Boston, hard by Chinatown, near an area sometimes called the Combat Zone. Evans has a fuzzy, floppy, slept-in-his-clothes aspect that'd be nearly unrecognizable if you knew him only by the upright, spit-polished bearing of the onscreen hero. His dog, East, a sweet and slobbery American bulldog, is spread out on a couch in front of the TV. The shelves of his fridge are neatly stacked with much of the world's supply of Bud Light in cans and little else.

On the counter sit a few buckets of muscle-making whey-protein powder that belong to Evans' roommate, Zach Jarvis, an old pal who sometimes tags along on set as a paid "assistant" and a personal trainer who bulked Evans up for his role as the super-ripped patriot in last summer's blockbuster Captain America: The First Avenger. A giant clock on the exposed-brick wall says it's early evening, but Evans operates on his own sense of time. Between gigs, his schedule's all his, which usually translates into long stretches of alone time during the day and longer social nights for the 30-year-old.

"I could just make this . . . disappear," says Josh Peck, another old pal and occasional on-set assistant, in a deadpan mumble, poking at the voice recorder I'd left on the table while I was in the bathroom.

Evans' mom, Lisa, now speaks directly into the microphone: "Don't listen to them—I'm trying to get them not to say these things!"

But not saying things isn't in the Evans DNA. They're an infectiously gregarious clan. Irish-Italians, proud Bostoners, close-knit, and innately theatrical. "We all act, we sing," Evans says. "It was like the fucking von Trapps." Mom was a dancer and now runs a children's theater. First-born Carly directed the family puppet shows and studied theater at NYU. Younger brother Scott has parts on One Life to Live and Law & Order under his belt and lives in Los Angeles full-time—something Evans stopped doing several years back. Rounding out the circle are baby sister Shanna and a pair of "strays" the family brought into their Sudbury, Massachusetts, home: Josh, who went from mowing the lawn to moving in when his folks relocated during his senior year in high school; and Demery, who was Evans' roommate until recently.

"Our house was like a hotel," Evans says. "It was a loony-tunes household. If you got arrested in high school, everyone knew: 'Call Mrs. Evans, she'll bail you out.'"

Growing up, they had a special floor put in the basement where all the kids practiced tap-dancing. The party-ready rec room also had a Ping-Pong table and a separate entrance. This was the house kids in the neighborhood wanted to hang at, and this was the kind of family you wanted to be adopted by. Spend an afternoon listening to them dish old dirt and talk over each other and it's easy to see why. Now they're worried they've said too much, laid bare the tender soul of the actor behind the star-spangled superhero outfit, so there's talk of offing the interviewer. I can hear all this from the bathroom, which, of course, is the point of a good stage whisper.

To be sure, no one's said too much, and the more you're brought into the embrace of this boisterous, funny, shit-slinging, demonstrably loving extended family, the more likable and enviable the whole dynamic is.

Sample exchange from today's lunch of baked ziti at a family-style Italian restaurant:

Mom: When he was a kid, he asked me, 'Mom, will I ever think farting isn't funny?'

Chris: You're throwing me under the bus, Ma! Thank you.

Mom: Well, if a dog farts you still find it funny.

Then, back at the apartment, where Mrs. Evans tries to give me good-natured dirt on her son without freaking him out:

Mom: You always tell me when you think a girl is attractive. You'll call me up so excited. Is that okay to say?

Chris: Nothing wrong with that.

Mom: And can I say all the girls you've brought to the house have been very sweet and wonderful? Of course, those are the ones that make it to the house. It's been a long time, hasn't it?

Chris: Looooong time.

Mom: The last one at our house? Was it six years ago?

Chris: No names, Ma!

Mom: But she knocked it out of the park.

Chris: She got drunk and puked at Auntie Pam's house! And she puked on the way home and she puked at our place.

Mom: And that's when I fell in love with her. Because she was real.

We're operating under a no-names rule, so I'm not asking if it's Jessica Biel who made this memorable first impression. She and Evans were serious for a couple of years. But I don't want to picture lovely Jessica Biel getting sick at Auntie Pam's or in the car or, really, anywhere.

East the bulldog ambles over to the table, begging for food.

"That dog is the love of his life," Mrs. Evans says. "Which tells me he'll be an unbelievable parent, but I don't want him to get married right now." She turns to Chris. "The way you are, I just don't think you're ready."

Some other things I learn about Evans from his mom: He hates going to the gym; he was so wound-up as a kid she'd let him stand during dinner, his legs shaking like caged greyhounds; he suffered weekly "Sunday-night meltdowns" over schoolwork and the angst of the sensitive middle-schooler; after she and his father split and he was making money from acting, he bought her the Sudbury family homestead rather than let her leave it.

Eventually his mom and Josh depart, and Evans and I go to work depleting his stash of Bud Light. It feels like we drink Bud Light and talk for days, because we basically do. I arrived early Friday evening; it's Saturday night now and it'll be sunup Sunday before I sleeplessly make my way to catch a train back to New York City. Somewhere in between we slip free of the gravitational pull of the bachelor pad and there's bottle service at a club and a long walk with entourage in tow back to Evans' apartment, where there is some earnest-yet-surreal group singing, piano playing, and chitchat. Evans is fun to talk to, partly because he's an open, self-mocking guy with an explosive laugh and no apparent need to sleep, and partly because when you cut just below the surface, it's clear he's not quite the dude's dude he sometimes plays onscreen and in TV appearances.

From a distance, Chris Evans the movie star seems a predictable, nearly inevitable piece of successful Hollywood packaging come to market. There's his major-release debut as the dorkily unaware jock Jake in the guilty pleasure Not Another Teen Movie (in one memorable scene, Evans has whipped cream on his chest and a banana up his ass). The female-friendly hunk appeal—his character in The Nanny Diaries is named simply Harvard Hottie—is balanced by a kind of casual-Friday, I'm-from-Boston regular-dudeness. Following the siren song of comic-book cash, he was the Human Torch in two Fantastic Four films. As with scrawny Steve Rogers, the Captain America suit beefed up his stature as a formidable screen presence, a bankable leading man, all of which leads us to The Avengers, this season's megabudget, megawatt ensemble in which he stars alongside Scarlett Johansson, Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr., and Chris Hemsworth.

It all feels inevitable—and yet it nearly didn't happen. Evans repeatedly turned down the Captain America role, fearing he'd be locked into what was originally a nine-picture deal. He was shooting Puncture, about a drug-addicted lawyer, at the time. Most actors doing small-budget legal dramas would jump at the chance to play the lead in a Marvel franchise, but Evans saw a decade of his life flash before his eyes.

What he remembers thinking is this: "What if the movie comes out and it's a success and I just reject all of this? What if I want to move to the fucking woods?"

By "the woods," he doesn't mean a quiet life away from the spotlight, some general metaphorical life escape route. He means the actual woods. "For a long time all I wanted for Christmas were books about outdoor survival," he says. "I was convinced that I was going to move to the woods. I camped a lot, I took classes. At 18, I told myself if I don't live in the woods by the time I'm 25, I have failed."

Evans has described his hesitation at signing on for Captain America. Usually he talks about the time commitment, the loss of what remained of his relative anonymity. On the junkets for the movie, he was open about needing therapy after the studio reduced the deal to six movies and he took the leap. What he doesn't usually mention is that he was racked with anxiety before the job came up.

"I get very nervous," Evans explains. "I shit the bed if I have to present something on stage or if I'm doing press. Because it's just you." He's been known to walk out of press conferences, to freeze up and go silent during the kind of relaxed-yet-high-stakes meetings an actor of his stature is expected to attend: "Do you know how badly I audition? Fifty percent of the time I have to walk out of the room. I'm naturally very pale, so I turn red and sweat. And I have to literally walk out. Sometimes mid-audition. You start having these conversations in your brain. 'Chris, don't do this. Chris, take it easy. You're just sitting in a room with a person saying some words, this isn't life. And you're letting this affect you? Shame on you.'"

Shades of "Sunday-night meltdowns." Luckily the nerves never follow him to the set. "You do your neuroses beforehand, so when they yell 'Action' you can be present," he says.

Okay, there was one on-set panic attack—while Evans was shooting Puncture. "We were getting ready to do a court scene in front of a bunch of people, and I don't know what happened," he says. "It's just your brain playing games with you. 'Hey, you know how we sometimes freak out? What if we did it right now?'"

One of the people who advised Evans to take the Captain America role was his eventual Avengers costar Robert Downey Jr. "I'd seen him around," Downey says. "We share an agent. I like to spend a lot of my free time talking to my agent about his other clients—I just had a feeling about him."

What he told Evans was: This puppy is going to be big, and when it is you're going to get to make the movies you want to make. "In the marathon obstacle course of a career," Downey says, "it's just good to have all the stats on paper for why you're not only a team player but also why it makes sense to support you in the projects you want to do—because you've made so much damned money for the studio."

There's also the fact that Evans had a chance to sign on for something likely to be a kind of watershed moment in the comic-book fascination of our time. "I do think The Avengers is the crescendo of this superhero phase in entertainment—except of course for Iron Man 3," Downey says. "It'll take a lot of innovation to keep it alive after this."

Captain America is the only person left who was truly close to Howard Stark, father of Tony Stark (a.k.a. Iron Man), which meant that Evans' and Downey's story lines are closely linked, and in the course of doing a lot of scenes together, they got to be pals. Downey diagnoses his friend with what he terms "low-grade red-carpet anxiety disorder."

"He just hates the game-show aspect of doing PR," Downey says. "Obviously there's pressure for anyone in this transition he's in. But he will easily triple that pressure to make sure he's not being lazy. That's why I respect the guy. I wouldn't necessarily want to be in his skin. But his motives are pure. He just needs to drink some red-carpet chamomile."

"The majority of the world is empty space," Chris Evans says, watching me as if my brain might explode on hearing this news—or like he might have to fight me if I try to contradict him. We're back at his apartment after a cigarette run through the Combat Zone.

"Empty space!" he says again, slapping the table and sort of yelling. Then, in a slow, breathy whisper, he repeats: "Empty space, empty space. All that we see in the world, the life, the animals, plants, people, it's all empty space. That's amazing!" He slaps the table again. "You want another beer? Gotta be Bud Light. Get dirty—you're in Boston. Okay, organize your thoughts. I gotta take a piss . . ."

My thoughts are this: That this guy who is hugging his dog and talking to me about space and mortality and the trouble with Boston girls who believe crazy gossip about him—this is not the guy I expected to meet. I figured he'd be a meatball. Though, truthfully, I'd never called anyone a meatball until Evans turned me on to the put-down. As in: "My sister Shanna dates meatballs." And, more to the point: "When I do interviews, I'd rather just be the beer-drinking dude from Boston and not get into the complex shit, because I don't want every meatball saying, 'So hey, whaddyathink about Buddhism?'"

At 17, Evans came across a copy of Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha and began his spiritual questing. It's a path of study and struggle that, he says, defines his true purpose in life. "I love acting. It's my playground, it lets me explore. But my happiness in this world, my level of peace, is never going to be dictated by acting," he says. "My goal in life is to detach from the egoic mind. Do you know anything about Eastern philosophy?"

I sip some Bud Light and shake my head sheepishly. "They talk about the egoic mind, the part of you that's self-aware, the watcher, the person you think is driving this machine," he says. "And that separation from self and mind is the root of suffering. There are ways of retraining the way you think. This isn't really supported in Western society, which is focused on 'Go get it, earn it, win it, marry it.'"

Scarlett Johansson says that one of the things she appreciates about Evans is how he steers clear of industry chat when they see each other. "Basically every actor," she says, "including myself, when we finish a job we're like, 'Well, that's it for me. Had a good run. Put me out to pasture.' But Chris doesn't strike me as someone who frets about the next job." The two met on the set of The Perfect Score when they were teenagers and have stayed close; The Avengers is their third movie together. "He has this obviously masculine presence—a dude's dude—and we're used to seeing him play heroic characters," Johansson says, "but he's also surprisingly sensitive. He has close female friends, and you can talk to him about anything. Plus there's that secret song-and-dance, jazz-hands side of Chris. I feel like he grew up with the Partridge Family. He'd be just as happy doing Guys and Dolls as he would Captain America 2."

East needs to do his business, so Evans and I take him up to the roof deck. Evans bought this apartment in 2010 when living in L.A. full-time no longer appealed to him. He came back to stay close to his extended family and the intimate circle of Boston pals he's maintained since high school. The move also seems like a pretty clear keep-it-real hedge against the manic ego-stroking distractions of Hollywood.

"I think my daytime person is different than my nighttime person," Evans says. "With my high-school buddies, we drink beer and talk sports and it's great. The kids in my Buddhism class in L.A., they're wildly intelligent, and I love being around them, but they're not talking about the Celtics. And that's part of me. It's a strange dichotomy. I don't mind being a certain way with some people and having this other piece of me that's just for me."

I asked Downey about Evans' outward regular-Joe persona. "It's complete horseshit," Downey says. "There's an inherent street-smart intelligence there. I don't think he tries to hide it. But he's much more evolved and much more culturally aware than he lets on."

Perhaps the meatball and the meditation can coexist. We argue about our egoic brains and the tao of Boston girls. "I love wet hair and sweatpants," he says in their defense. "I like sneakers and ponytails. I like girls who aren't so la-di-da. L.A. is so la-di-da. I like Boston girls who shit on me. Not literally. Girls who give me a hard time, bust my chops a little."

The chief buster of Evans' chops is, of course, Evans himself. "The problem is, the brain I'm using to dissect this world is a brain formed by it," he says. "We're born into confusion, and we get the blessing of letting go of it." Then he adds: "I think this shit by day. And then night comes and it's like, 'Fuck it, let's drink.'"

And so we do. It's getting late. Again. We should have eaten dinner, but Evans sometimes forgets to eat: "If I could just take a pill to make me full forever, I wouldn't think twice."

We talk about his dog and camping with his dog and why he loves being alone more than almost anything except maybe not being alone. "I swear to God, if you saw me when I am by myself in the woods, I'm a lunatic," he says. "I sing, I dance. I do crazy shit."

Evans' unflagging, all-encompassing enthusiasm is impressive, itself a kind of social intelligence. "If you want to have a good conversation with him, don't talk about the fact that he's famous" was the advice I got from Mark Kassen, who codirected Puncture. "He's a blast, a guy who can hang. For quite a long time. Many hours in a row."

I've stopped looking at the clock. We've stopped talking philosophy and moved into more emotional territory. He asks questions about my 9-month-old son, and then Captain America gets teary when I talk about the wonder of his birth. "I weep at everything," he says. "I emote. I love things so much—I just never want to dilute that."

He talks about how close he feels to his family, how open they all are with each other. About everything. All the time. "The first time I had sex," he says, "I raced home and was like, 'Mom, I just had sex! Where's the clit?'"

Wait, I ask—did she ever tell you?

"Still don't know where it is, man," he says, then breaks into a smile composed of equal parts shit-eating grin and inner peace. "I just don't know. Make some movies, you don't have to know…"

Here is the 2012 Detail Magazine interview with chris evans:

The Avengers' Chris Evans: Just Your Average Beer-Swilling, Babe-Loving Buddhist

The 30-year-old Bud Light-chugging, Beantown-bred star of The Avengers is widely perceived as the ultimate guy's guy. But beneath the bro persona lies a serious student of Buddhism, an unrepentant song-and-dance man, and a guy who talks to his mom about sex. And farts.

By Adam Sachs,

Photographs by Norman Jean Roy

May 2012 Issue

"Should we just kill him and bury his body?" Chris Evans is stage whispering into the impassive blinking light of my digital recorder.

"Chris!" shouts his mother, her tone a familiar-to-anyone-with-a-mother mix of coddling and concern. "Don't say that! What if something happened?"

We're at Evans' apartment, an expansive but not overly tricked-out bachelor-pad-ish loft in a semi-industrial nowheresville part of Boston, hard by Chinatown, near an area sometimes called the Combat Zone. Evans has a fuzzy, floppy, slept-in-his-clothes aspect that'd be nearly unrecognizable if you knew him only by the upright, spit-polished bearing of the onscreen hero. His dog, East, a sweet and slobbery American bulldog, is spread out on a couch in front of the TV. The shelves of his fridge are neatly stacked with much of the world's supply of Bud Light in cans and little else.

On the counter sit a few buckets of muscle-making whey-protein powder that belong to Evans' roommate, Zach Jarvis, an old pal who sometimes tags along on set as a paid "assistant" and a personal trainer who bulked Evans up for his role as the super-ripped patriot in last summer's blockbuster Captain America: The First Avenger. A giant clock on the exposed-brick wall says it's early evening, but Evans operates on his own sense of time. Between gigs, his schedule's all his, which usually translates into long stretches of alone time during the day and longer social nights for the 30-year-old.

"I could just make this . . . disappear," says Josh Peck, another old pal and occasional on-set assistant, in a deadpan mumble, poking at the voice recorder I'd left on the table while I was in the bathroom.

Evans' mom, Lisa, now speaks directly into the microphone: "Don't listen to them—I'm trying to get them not to say these things!"

But not saying things isn't in the Evans DNA. They're an infectiously gregarious clan. Irish-Italians, proud Bostoners, close-knit, and innately theatrical. "We all act, we sing," Evans says. "It was like the fucking von Trapps." Mom was a dancer and now runs a children's theater. First-born Carly directed the family puppet shows and studied theater at NYU. Younger brother Scott has parts on One Life to Live and Law & Order under his belt and lives in Los Angeles full-time—something Evans stopped doing several years back. Rounding out the circle are baby sister Shanna and a pair of "strays" the family brought into their Sudbury, Massachusetts, home: Josh, who went from mowing the lawn to moving in when his folks relocated during his senior year in high school; and Demery, who was Evans' roommate until recently.

"Our house was like a hotel," Evans says. "It was a loony-tunes household. If you got arrested in high school, everyone knew: 'Call Mrs. Evans, she'll bail you out.'"

Growing up, they had a special floor put in the basement where all the kids practiced tap-dancing. The party-ready rec room also had a Ping-Pong table and a separate entrance. This was the house kids in the neighborhood wanted to hang at, and this was the kind of family you wanted to be adopted by. Spend an afternoon listening to them dish old dirt and talk over each other and it's easy to see why. Now they're worried they've said too much, laid bare the tender soul of the actor behind the star-spangled superhero outfit, so there's talk of offing the interviewer. I can hear all this from the bathroom, which, of course, is the point of a good stage whisper.

To be sure, no one's said too much, and the more you're brought into the embrace of this boisterous, funny, shit-slinging, demonstrably loving extended family, the more likable and enviable the whole dynamic is.

Sample exchange from today's lunch of baked ziti at a family-style Italian restaurant:

Mom: When he was a kid, he asked me, 'Mom, will I ever think farting isn't funny?'

Chris: You're throwing me under the bus, Ma! Thank you.

Mom: Well, if a dog farts you still find it funny.

Then, back at the apartment, where Mrs. Evans tries to give me good-natured dirt on her son without freaking him out:

Mom: You always tell me when you think a girl is attractive. You'll call me up so excited. Is that okay to say?

Chris: Nothing wrong with that.

Mom: And can I say all the girls you've brought to the house have been very sweet and wonderful? Of course, those are the ones that make it to the house. It's been a long time, hasn't it?

Chris: Looooong time.

Mom: The last one at our house? Was it six years ago?

Chris: No names, Ma!

Mom: But she knocked it out of the park.

Chris: She got drunk and puked at Auntie Pam's house! And she puked on the way home and she puked at our place.

Mom: And that's when I fell in love with her. Because she was real.

We're operating under a no-names rule, so I'm not asking if it's Jessica Biel who made this memorable first impression. She and Evans were serious for a couple of years. But I don't want to picture lovely Jessica Biel getting sick at Auntie Pam's or in the car or, really, anywhere.

East the bulldog ambles over to the table, begging for food.

"That dog is the love of his life," Mrs. Evans says. "Which tells me he'll be an unbelievable parent, but I don't want him to get married right now." She turns to Chris. "The way you are, I just don't think you're ready."

Some other things I learn about Evans from his mom: He hates going to the gym; he was so wound-up as a kid she'd let him stand during dinner, his legs shaking like caged greyhounds; he suffered weekly "Sunday-night meltdowns" over schoolwork and the angst of the sensitive middle-schooler; after she and his father split and he was making money from acting, he bought her the Sudbury family homestead rather than let her leave it.

Eventually his mom and Josh depart, and Evans and I go to work depleting his stash of Bud Light. It feels like we drink Bud Light and talk for days, because we basically do. I arrived early Friday evening; it's Saturday night now and it'll be sunup Sunday before I sleeplessly make my way to catch a train back to New York City. Somewhere in between we slip free of the gravitational pull of the bachelor pad and there's bottle service at a club and a long walk with entourage in tow back to Evans' apartment, where there is some earnest-yet-surreal group singing, piano playing, and chitchat. Evans is fun to talk to, partly because he's an open, self-mocking guy with an explosive laugh and no apparent need to sleep, and partly because when you cut just below the surface, it's clear he's not quite the dude's dude he sometimes plays onscreen and in TV appearances.

From a distance, Chris Evans the movie star seems a predictable, nearly inevitable piece of successful Hollywood packaging come to market. There's his major-release debut as the dorkily unaware jock Jake in the guilty pleasure Not Another Teen Movie (in one memorable scene, Evans has whipped cream on his chest and a banana up his ass). The female-friendly hunk appeal—his character in The Nanny Diaries is named simply Harvard Hottie—is balanced by a kind of casual-Friday, I'm-from-Boston regular-dudeness. Following the siren song of comic-book cash, he was the Human Torch in two Fantastic Four films. As with scrawny Steve Rogers, the Captain America suit beefed up his stature as a formidable screen presence, a bankable leading man, all of which leads us to The Avengers, this season's megabudget, megawatt ensemble in which he stars alongside Scarlett Johansson, Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr., and Chris Hemsworth.

It all feels inevitable—and yet it nearly didn't happen. Evans repeatedly turned down the Captain America role, fearing he'd be locked into what was originally a nine-picture deal. He was shooting Puncture, about a drug-addicted lawyer, at the time. Most actors doing small-budget legal dramas would jump at the chance to play the lead in a Marvel franchise, but Evans saw a decade of his life flash before his eyes.

What he remembers thinking is this: "What if the movie comes out and it's a success and I just reject all of this? What if I want to move to the fucking woods?"

By "the woods," he doesn't mean a quiet life away from the spotlight, some general metaphorical life escape route. He means the actual woods. "For a long time all I wanted for Christmas were books about outdoor survival," he says. "I was convinced that I was going to move to the woods. I camped a lot, I took classes. At 18, I told myself if I don't live in the woods by the time I'm 25, I have failed."

Evans has described his hesitation at signing on for Captain America. Usually he talks about the time commitment, the loss of what remained of his relative anonymity. On the junkets for the movie, he was open about needing therapy after the studio reduced the deal to six movies and he took the leap. What he doesn't usually mention is that he was racked with anxiety before the job came up.

"I get very nervous," Evans explains. "I shit the bed if I have to present something on stage or if I'm doing press. Because it's just you." He's been known to walk out of press conferences, to freeze up and go silent during the kind of relaxed-yet-high-stakes meetings an actor of his stature is expected to attend: "Do you know how badly I audition? Fifty percent of the time I have to walk out of the room. I'm naturally very pale, so I turn red and sweat. And I have to literally walk out. Sometimes mid-audition. You start having these conversations in your brain. 'Chris, don't do this. Chris, take it easy. You're just sitting in a room with a person saying some words, this isn't life. And you're letting this affect you? Shame on you.'"

Shades of "Sunday-night meltdowns." Luckily the nerves never follow him to the set. "You do your neuroses beforehand, so when they yell 'Action' you can be present," he says.

Okay, there was one on-set panic attack—while Evans was shooting Puncture. "We were getting ready to do a court scene in front of a bunch of people, and I don't know what happened," he says. "It's just your brain playing games with you. 'Hey, you know how we sometimes freak out? What if we did it right now?'"

One of the people who advised Evans to take the Captain America role was his eventual Avengers costar Robert Downey Jr. "I'd seen him around," Downey says. "We share an agent. I like to spend a lot of my free time talking to my agent about his other clients—I just had a feeling about him."

What he told Evans was: This puppy is going to be big, and when it is you're going to get to make the movies you want to make. "In the marathon obstacle course of a career," Downey says, "it's just good to have all the stats on paper for why you're not only a team player but also why it makes sense to support you in the projects you want to do—because you've made so much damned money for the studio."

There's also the fact that Evans had a chance to sign on for something likely to be a kind of watershed moment in the comic-book fascination of our time. "I do think The Avengers is the crescendo of this superhero phase in entertainment—except of course for Iron Man 3," Downey says. "It'll take a lot of innovation to keep it alive after this."

Captain America is the only person left who was truly close to Howard Stark, father of Tony Stark (a.k.a. Iron Man), which meant that Evans' and Downey's story lines are closely linked, and in the course of doing a lot of scenes together, they got to be pals. Downey diagnoses his friend with what he terms "low-grade red-carpet anxiety disorder."

"He just hates the game-show aspect of doing PR," Downey says. "Obviously there's pressure for anyone in this transition he's in. But he will easily triple that pressure to make sure he's not being lazy. That's why I respect the guy. I wouldn't necessarily want to be in his skin. But his motives are pure. He just needs to drink some red-carpet chamomile."

"The majority of the world is empty space," Chris Evans says, watching me as if my brain might explode on hearing this news—or like he might have to fight me if I try to contradict him. We're back at his apartment after a cigarette run through the Combat Zone.

"Empty space!" he says again, slapping the table and sort of yelling. Then, in a slow, breathy whisper, he repeats: "Empty space, empty space. All that we see in the world, the life, the animals, plants, people, it's all empty space. That's amazing!" He slaps the table again. "You want another beer? Gotta be Bud Light. Get dirty—you're in Boston. Okay, organize your thoughts. I gotta take a piss . . ."

My thoughts are this: That this guy who is hugging his dog and talking to me about space and mortality and the trouble with Boston girls who believe crazy gossip about him—this is not the guy I expected to meet. I figured he'd be a meatball. Though, truthfully, I'd never called anyone a meatball until Evans turned me on to the put-down. As in: "My sister Shanna dates meatballs." And, more to the point: "When I do interviews, I'd rather just be the beer-drinking dude from Boston and not get into the complex shit, because I don't want every meatball saying, 'So hey, whaddyathink about Buddhism?'"

At 17, Evans came across a copy of Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha and began his spiritual questing. It's a path of study and struggle that, he says, defines his true purpose in life. "I love acting. It's my playground, it lets me explore. But my happiness in this world, my level of peace, is never going to be dictated by acting," he says. "My goal in life is to detach from the egoic mind. Do you know anything about Eastern philosophy?"

I sip some Bud Light and shake my head sheepishly. "They talk about the egoic mind, the part of you that's self-aware, the watcher, the person you think is driving this machine," he says. "And that separation from self and mind is the root of suffering. There are ways of retraining the way you think. This isn't really supported in Western society, which is focused on 'Go get it, earn it, win it, marry it.'"

Scarlett Johansson says that one of the things she appreciates about Evans is how he steers clear of industry chat when they see each other. "Basically every actor," she says, "including myself, when we finish a job we're like, 'Well, that's it for me. Had a good run. Put me out to pasture.' But Chris doesn't strike me as someone who frets about the next job." The two met on the set of The Perfect Score when they were teenagers and have stayed close; The Avengers is their third movie together. "He has this obviously masculine presence—a dude's dude—and we're used to seeing him play heroic characters," Johansson says, "but he's also surprisingly sensitive. He has close female friends, and you can talk to him about anything. Plus there's that secret song-and-dance, jazz-hands side of Chris. I feel like he grew up with the Partridge Family. He'd be just as happy doing Guys and Dolls as he would Captain America 2."

East needs to do his business, so Evans and I take him up to the roof deck. Evans bought this apartment in 2010 when living in L.A. full-time no longer appealed to him. He came back to stay close to his extended family and the intimate circle of Boston pals he's maintained since high school. The move also seems like a pretty clear keep-it-real hedge against the manic ego-stroking distractions of Hollywood.

"I think my daytime person is different than my nighttime person," Evans says. "With my high-school buddies, we drink beer and talk sports and it's great. The kids in my Buddhism class in L.A., they're wildly intelligent, and I love being around them, but they're not talking about the Celtics. And that's part of me. It's a strange dichotomy. I don't mind being a certain way with some people and having this other piece of me that's just for me."

I asked Downey about Evans' outward regular-Joe persona. "It's complete horseshit," Downey says. "There's an inherent street-smart intelligence there. I don't think he tries to hide it. But he's much more evolved and much more culturally aware than he lets on."

Perhaps the meatball and the meditation can coexist. We argue about our egoic brains and the tao of Boston girls. "I love wet hair and sweatpants," he says in their defense. "I like sneakers and ponytails. I like girls who aren't so la-di-da. L.A. is so la-di-da. I like Boston girls who shit on me. Not literally. Girls who give me a hard time, bust my chops a little."

The chief buster of Evans' chops is, of course, Evans himself. "The problem is, the brain I'm using to dissect this world is a brain formed by it," he says. "We're born into confusion, and we get the blessing of letting go of it." Then he adds: "I think this shit by day. And then night comes and it's like, 'Fuck it, let's drink.'"

And so we do. It's getting late. Again. We should have eaten dinner, but Evans sometimes forgets to eat: "If I could just take a pill to make me full forever, I wouldn't think twice."

We talk about his dog and camping with his dog and why he loves being alone more than almost anything except maybe not being alone. "I swear to God, if you saw me when I am by myself in the woods, I'm a lunatic," he says. "I sing, I dance. I do crazy shit."

Evans' unflagging, all-encompassing enthusiasm is impressive, itself a kind of social intelligence. "If you want to have a good conversation with him, don't talk about the fact that he's famous" was the advice I got from Mark Kassen, who codirected Puncture. "He's a blast, a guy who can hang. For quite a long time. Many hours in a row."

I've stopped looking at the clock. We've stopped talking philosophy and moved into more emotional territory. He asks questions about my 9-month-old son, and then Captain America gets teary when I talk about the wonder of his birth. "I weep at everything," he says. "I emote. I love things so much—I just never want to dilute that."

He talks about how close he feels to his family, how open they all are with each other. About everything. All the time. "The first time I had sex," he says, "I raced home and was like, 'Mom, I just had sex! Where's the clit?'"

Wait, I ask—did she ever tell you?

"Still don't know where it is, man," he says, then breaks into a smile composed of equal parts shit-eating grin and inner peace. "I just don't know. Make some movies, you don't have to know…"

If someone doesn't want to check the link, the anon sent the full interview!

[fakeikemen]

Katara's Grief

(This is my first attempt at a meta post and I know that this has probably been already done but I just needed to get it off my chest and go on a little rant and it kinda got long so bear with me.)

A lot of the hate on Katara stems from the fact that she keeps on mentioning her mother's death at every chance she gets and invalidates other people's pain to assert that her suffering is the worst of the lot.

And even though everybody is entitled to their own opinions, I'm gonna point out why I think the aforesaid claims are not exactly correct.

First we'll take a look at; Katara's Backstory:

We know that Kya is killed in a fire nation raid and that Katara had been the last person to see her alive before she leaves the tent on her mother's insistence. Only to come back a few moments later and find her dead body. This, in itself is a traumatising event.

So yes, her mother died. Other people in the story go through far worse. You're not wrong when you say that.

But what is more important in Katara's story is the aftermath of her mother's death.

As Sokka says while talking to Toph in "The Runaway" in B3 Ep7:

Sokka: When our mom died, that was the hardest time in my life. Our family was a mess, but Katara? She had so much strength. She stepped up and took on so much responsibility. She helped fill the void that was left by our mom.

As an eight year old, she had to force herself to grow up to step into her mother's shoes and raise herself and her elder brother and simultaneously look after the entire village after her father left to fight in the war. She had to do all of it by herself.

In face of all her responsibilities, she never really had the chance to simply be a grieving child lamenting the loss of her mother. She habituated herself to caring more about others than herself (We see this trait in the entire series as she acts as the stand-in mom friend for the entire Gaang with an exception of Suki and Zuko). She ended up bottling her feelings of grief, resentment, guilt and rage deep within herself.

She had to give up an extensive part of her childhood where most children focus on figuring themselves out, to become a mature and responsible person who was working as the immovable pillar holding up the family and even the whole village not much later.

She put up a strong front to help others and pretended to be fine even though she was hurting inside the whole time.

She could never find any closure from the situation. She never got over it.

Moving on to the criticisms:

1. Katara keeps on mentioning her mother like a broken record:

Here are the number of times Katara mentions her mother's death (not sure if that's all of it, lmk if there are any others):

1. In her first scene with Sokka

Katara: Ever since mom died, I've been doing all the work around camp while you've been off playing soldier!

2. A short while after she meets Aang

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

3. A short while after she meets Haru

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

4. A short while after she meets Jet

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

5. In the swamp after she sees a vision of her mother

Katara: I thought I saw Mom.

6. In the Crystal Catacombs with Zuko

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

7. A short while after she meets Hama

Katara: We completely understand. We lost our mother in a raid.

8. Repeated mentions in The Southern Raiders episode

(Most of the episode basically)

The first mention with Sokka is in the middle of a siblings' spat where she tells off Sokka for trying to act as if he were superior when it was obvious that in the face of the gaping hole that was left by Kya's sudden death, Katara had shouldered much more responsibility.

When she tells it to Aang, she uses it as a proof that the Fire Nation is capable of immense cruelty and destruction.

The Gaang travel all around the world and meet different people affected by the war in different ways. So when Haru, Jet and Hama narrate their own stories, Katara sympathises with them and talks about Kya's death in lieu of "I understand, the Fire Nation hurt me too."

After they got separated, Aang, Sokka and Katara each had their visions and after they get back together, they all mention their visions and so does Katara.

When left alone in catacombs with Zuko, whom she considered as the face of the Fire Nation— the same Fire Nation that had her mother killed and forced her father to leave to fight in the war, she has a meltdown where she rightfully accuses him of all the bad things he's done and then breaks down while talking about how the war has cost her i.e., by causing her mother's death.

The Southern Raiders is the episode where Katara hunts down the man responsible for her mother's death. If you think mentioning Kya repeatedly in this episode is uncalled for, then I don't know what to tell you.

In all the incidents mentioned above, Katara mentioning her mother's death is a very natural occurrence is the respective conversations. She mostly talks about Kya's death to either extend her sympathy or to use it as an example of the ruthlessness of the Fire Nation.

Another fact to be noted is that 70% of the Gaang's storyline is followed via Katara from a narrative point of view. Plus, being the mom-friend, she acts as the spokesperson. Considering that Kya's death is a major event that played a huge role in shaping Katara's life and is also the source of her severe, unresolved trauma, which acts as the driving force of her story, it is only natural that she brings up this topic whenever she is engaging in a deeper conversation.

It is us as the viewers who have seen her from the start and already know about her mother's death and we see her talking to multiple people about it. Which is why it might come across as repetitive to some people.

While, Kya's death is not necessary information that everyone needs to know, Katara talking about it never comes across as a forced or unnatural.

2. Katara invalidates others' pain because she thinks she has suffered the most:

First of all, if anything, Katara is the most empathetic person of them all. As the mom-friend of the group, not only is she their constant moral support, she also helps them untangle and sort out their own feelings. She is also able to tap into issues that aren't said out loud.

Instances of Katara helping and supporting Aang, emotionally are uncountable.

She is the first one to notice Sokka's sour mood in B3 Ep4 "Sokka's Master". And even though his insecurities seem baseless, she validates him (by saying "I'm sorry you're feeling so down" instead of something like "That's a dumb thing to say") and knows exactly what to do to cheer him up.

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway" she has the insight to understand that Toph's unruly behaviour is caused by the mixed feelings she has about her parents even though Toph's herself never talked about it.

She even reaches out to Zuko in B2 Ep19 "Crossroads of Destiny" even though she used to think of him as the face of the enemy.

But then there's The Southern Raiders.

Ah yes, that episode where Katara is extremely OOC and a total b*tch.

Agreed that she said some things that she definitely shouldn't have said. But like, she's just 14?? And has been hurting on the inside since she was 8?? And pretended to be fine just for the sake of other people?? Like, there's a limit to how much she can have her shit under control?? And she did a real good job of Sokka's upbringing and taking care of the village and taking care of Gaang on her own?? Some people out there are really willing to forget everything she has ever done just because she was mean for 5 minutes?? A traumatised 14 yo shouldn't be villianised and called toxic because she got mad and lashed out at people that one time??

But here's my take on the scene anyway:

When Aang gets to know that she's going to go face her mother's killer:

Aang: Um ... and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?

Katara: I knew you wouldn't understand. 

Aang is a non-confrontational person who prefers running away from difficult situations as opposed to Katara who firmly stands her ground and is never afraid of confrontations. Katara had approached Aang only hoping that he would understand. But going by his dismissal, he obviously doesn't understand the burning need that she has to confront the man who had single-handedly destroyed her childhood. (Most people infer that what Katara means is that she thinks that Aang doesn't understand the pain of losing people. And so does Aang, I guess)

But things start getting even more tricky when:

Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet.

In all honesty, this is probably the most insensitive thing that she could've heard from anyone right then, let alone one of her closest friends. Hearing herself being compared to a homicidal maniac just because she wants to avenge her mother's killer. (No, I'm not justifying murder but there's a clear difference between homicide and avenging someone's death. And Aang may not be my favourite character but I do love him but this wasn't really a good thing to say either. And he wasn't even mentally distressed in the very least to be completely lacking tact or a filter.)

And then the situation escalates:

Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.

Katara: Then you didn't love her the way I did!

After 6 long years of Katara bottling in her dark feelings and letting them fester inside herself, she is finally letting them out and the first things she faces in a span of few minutes are outright rejection, invalidation of her feelings, comparison to a homicidal maniac and nothing akin to the unconditional support that she has provided to everybody. Her own brother tells her that he is siding with the boy who just compared her to a homicidal maniac.

Yes, accusing your own brother of not loving your mother enough is a very cruel thing to do. But both Sokka and Katara know that she doesn't entirely mean it.

But also, there is one very important factor in here:

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway", Sokka says to Toph:

Sokka: I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture. 

Katara overhears this conversation just as Sokka had meant her to.

This dialogue lets us know that Sokka's coping mechanism has made him suppress all memories of Kya and replace them with memories of Katara in order to attain a semblance of normalcy.

Both Katara and Sokka had very different ways of coping with Kya's death. Katara pressed down her feelings and tried her best to pretend to ignore them while Sokka partially succeeded in forgetting her.

When Katara first hears these words she is shown to be crying. But if she were to remember these very words while she was justifying herself infront of her own brother and a close friend for wanting to avenge her mother, it would've had a negative impact on her.

In her rage, she would've thought: "Of course he doesn't want to avenge mom. Because he doesn't think it's worth it and that's because he doesn't even remember enough of her to be mad about her death."

And for someone who has spent each day of the last 6 years trying to fill in the shoes of her mother and experiencing her absence everyday, the idea of forgetting her mother is a ridiculous concept to her.

Her thoughts would have quickly derailed to: "He didn't love her enough to remember her."

In light of these thoughts, saying "Then you didn't love her the way I did" doesn't feel out of the blue.

No, I am definitely not justifying what she said, I'm just laying out a possible explanation to why she said what she said.

Yes, she should've apologized to Sokka for this and I think that they definitely should've had a long conversation about their mother's death and how it affected them. Between Katara supressing her feelings and Sokka supressing his memories, i don't think they ever had this conversation.

But sadly we are given neither of these scenes.

Tl;dr: Everytime Katara mentions her mother, it's with good reason and I don't think it's fair to call a character toxic when they lack a mind to mouth filter for 5 minutes and say some mean things. And considering all that Katara has done for everybody, it isn't fair at all.

Peace out!

[queercapwriting]

Important reminders about identities in our communities and our fiction from @purplesaline​ (edited by me slightly, where indicated, to take out the personal context from which these are drawn).

“Lee made some really good points... I’d also like to understand why [someone’s] identity grants [them] the right to be the arbiter of how a character should be portrayed but someone who is also non-binary and gay isn’t allowed. In many... posts that I’ve read regarding this subject it consistently comes across as... being dismissive of Cap’s identity and othering them from the community. Additionally I’d like to know why [people] seem to think that if an autistic person asks for very specific things in a fic that is representative of their own lived experience it qualifies as bad representation because [someone else doesn’t] relate to it as an autistic person. Is it purely because the person doing the writing is neurotypical (or assumed to be)? I might be able to give more credit to that logic if they had done it of their own volition but they were essentially acting as a ghost writer. It’s sounding an awful lot like [people] are allowed to demand people represent an identity [they] inhabit in a way that [they] relate to but that other people who share the same identity but have a different lived experience than [others] aren’t allowed to ask for that shared identity to mirror them. [People in our communities sometimes] say that these other representations are harmful and problematic because they don’t fall in line with [everyone’s] lived experiences but in disclaiming those representations [it is] harming people. There is no single way to be any identity whether it’s a gender identity or a sexual orientation or neurodiversity or any other identity out there and because of that you’re going to find honest representations of that identity that can read as stereotypical because sometimes a persons lived experience of their identity falls in line with the stereotypes. It is unfair to invalidate their lived experience of their identity, it is harmful to invalidate their lived experience of their identity. What is problematic is not that that example of an identity exists but that there is not a more diverse sampling of the different ways people can inhabit the same identity. And as a final point I have a HUGE problem with [people] deciding that just because characters have been portrayed as having sex in canon that it negates any chance of them being portrayed as Ace forever after. Having had sex doesn’t not disqualify someone from being Asexual. There are many reasons why someone who is asexual might have sex, not least of which is that they hadn’t come to the realization that they were asexual. I think [people’s] arguments would hold more water if this was a discussion about the representation on the show itself rather than fan service fiction and would hold more water if the fanfic world was lacking in the very representation [some of us] claiming to be the ‘correct’ one but even if we just look at the microcosm of QCW’s fic library alone there are multiple fics representing each of a wide variety of identities. How [someone] can claim Identity Erasure when there are ten fics representing the canon identity to every one fic representing an alternate identity i really don’t understand. One of the biggest draws for people about fanfic is the ability to change canon in a way that allows them to relate more completely to the characters and/or the show and to me that’s one of the best things about it. To try to police that? You come across as an elitist gatekeeper deciding who is or is not worthy of gaining entrance to the VIP club. Doesn’t the LGBTQIA2+ community deserve better than that? We’ve already got far too many cishet people telling us that we’re not worthy of being in mainstream society, let’s not mirror their actions in our own community. While [people in our communities’] criticism of representation that [people] find harmful to [their] lived experience of [their] identity is certainly allowed, [the] policing of the way other people express and represent their own lived experiences of their identities (even if that is through a proxy) is unacceptable...”

and 

“Okay so, first of all? Queer and Dyke? Some of us have gained a lot of empowerment from those words. I get that they are still being used as slurs and that they are really harmful to a lot of people still but this then becomes a case of “please don’t use that term in reference to me” and that’s cool but [people] don’t get to police how I, or anyone else, chooses to label themselves (or their incarnations of fictional characters). Sure [one] can point out that it’s possibly problematic because of the negativity still associated with it but it’s not a simple issue and a “You’re a bad person for using it how dare you” isn’t gonna cut it...

And look, I get that [people in our communities are] upset about what [they] see as stereotyping identities but the fact of the matter is that there are people who relate to those portrayals and by saying that it’s wrong to be portraying characters that way [people] are invalidating their experiences the same way [they] are feeling [their] own invalidated. The solution here isn’t a reductive one, but additive. Taking away representation because [not everyone] relate[s] to it is harmful to those who do relate to it. It’s definitely important to point out where representation is missing and that the experience portrayed isn’t indicative of everyone with that identity but instead of tearing someone down for trying and, if the comments left on these stories is any indication, succeeding in representing the experience for at least some, maybe try the approach of either a) asking for a representation that differs from what was already written or b) write [one’s] own. We need to avoid building ourselves up by tearing others down.

Now as for [people’s] point of a writer changing a canon lesbian into another identity if they don’t claim that identity themselves. That’s a complicated one. On one hand Cap is essentially acting as a proxy for a lot of people who want to see their head canon in writing and for various reasons can’t write it themselves and I see nothing wrong with that. These people trust Cap with their vision and from what I’ve seen most appreciate the results.

Changing the identity of a marginalized character is a bit trickier for sure. On one hand yah there aren’t enough canon lesbians on tv or in media in general but I don’t think fan service fiction is necessarily the place to be policing that. If for no other reason than [one] run[s] the risk of trampling over someone’s attempt to learn more about themselves through exploring these identities in fiction. I’m not trans and I’m not nb but I did go through a period in my life where I was seriously questioning my gender identity and writing about it was one of the ways I explored that about myself.

I think maybe the line there is the same one we tread with cultural appropriation. Changing a canon lesbian into a straight woman is blatantly problematic but changing them into an identity that is even more marginalized and has even less representation is maybe not as much of an issue. It’s human nature to want to take the thing we can most relate to and then change it so it reflects our experiences even more, which is why [we] see the gay characters being head canoned into ace characters etc.

Which isn’t to say that it’s not also problematic but I think that more than being problematic it’s just scary to see already slim representation being appropriated no matter who is doing it. I would honestly rather give someone who has no representation a portion of mine, however small mine may be, than them not having any at all especially knowing how much harder they would have to fight to claw anything away from the ‘mainstream’ than I would.

So yah, it’s not clear cut and there is no easy answer to that one but I’m certainly falling on the side of letting the even more marginalized appropriating canon lesbian characters and that it’s acceptable for someone to write outside their own identity especially if it’s fan service.

As for the pulse fic? Cap said they realized it was problematic and removed it which I think shows a great deal of character. Their intent for writing it in the first place though? Not off base. It’s natural for us to process grief through fiction, we do it all the time. Using a traumatic event in a story isn’t necessarily trivializing it, in fact it cam be incredibly helpful and healing for many people, author and readers alike. I read the fic in question and I didn’t see anything that stood out as being disrespectful. Obviously [people] saw differently and that dichotomy is going to echo on a larger scale as well and I think that this is another instance I prefer to err on the side of 'if it helps people then it’s acceptable’ and for those who would be harmed by it them we take the same action we would in other situations where content can be harmful like content or trigger warnings.”

[camslightstories]

Breath in, Breath out

Baby Danvers. Alex Danvers x reader, Kara Danvers x reader. 

Notes: Hi!!! This request took a lot of me, I didn't know how to write neither with what script. Its not one of my best works but well. So I'm sorry its not that good, I hope you like it. I will gladly receive any comment, feedback, suggestion or request. Have a great day!

Request: Anonymous - “Maybe a oneshot where B!D has an asthma attack?”

Taglist: @captain-josslett​ @aznblossom​ @multi-images​

The mornings in National City would be warm, and attractive to look forward to. The smell of coffee invaded your nose as you waited for your sisters outside of Noonan’s. It was a cloudy day, with small breezes that hit your body as you waited. 

Your chest has been giving you shortness of breath at some moments of the day, for now, two weeks. Your chest closing out, as your breathing began to feel heavy for the fifth time today. Coughing trying to catch your breath quickly as you saw your sisters approaching you with a worried face as they saw your small attack. 

Since you can remember asthma was a part of your life. In middle school and high school attacks became usual since you had two hours of practice before and after school. It had been a while since your last attack about 3 years since it happened. It was the worst one yet, leaving you in a hospital bed for weeks after it happened. After two years without a single attack, you left your inhaler at the side. You were leaving a healthy lifestyle without any obstacles. 

Kara and Alex had always been the overprotective type of sisters over you. And your asthma problems did not help the situation. They would do helicopter parenting on you every time, everywhere, on any occasion. Your tolerance for their protectiveness was quite high compared to them. 

The blonde reporter was the first one to hug you before your red-headed sister invaded you with questions. “Are you okay? What happened? Are you dehydrated ?”

“I’m fine, Al. It's just the weather.” You responded quickly brushing off, as you extended your hands to bring your oldest sister into a hug. Both of them grabbing their corresponded coffees after the greeting. 

With a donut in your right hand and an ice pistachio frappuccino on the other. You walked side by side with your sisters through the bay of National City. Catching up with the latest of your lives since you last saw each other. 

Kara claimed as the three of you sat on a bench. Alex mostly had bugged you with protective questions, but when you kept quiet after the redhead asked about your grades. Your Kryptonian sister decided to take the lead. “But you are not overworking yourself, are you Y/N?”

You quickly responded as you took another bite of the donut, trying to evade the question. “Nope, working and studying just fine”

The truth was that as an engineering student, with people thinking highly of you. You had to bust your ass off studying and working in your Junior year in college. Your schedule may have had to change to 2 hours of sleeping and 5 coffees a day but it was the only way to be best for the people you loved and cared about.

“Why are you lying!?” Your oldest sister yelled as she tugged your oversize jacket. 

You responded as you abruptly moved your arm from her gap, giving her an annoyed look, when she tried to pressure again for the same thing.“I’m not lying, Alexandra”

Your blonde sister keeps quiet as the federal agent kept pushing your buttons for questions. Your face retains the annoyance of the situation only to change when your breathing becomes heavier and difficult to retain. 

Your voice began to crack when you felt your chest tightened. And your breath getting caught in your throat after your sister concluded in the conversation. “You are not even going to finish it like you don't finish anything! You are just treating this like a hobby only in the end to come to us saying how you made the wrong decision again!”

Kara was caught off guard as Alex yelled at her. She went into shock watching your whole reaction of hurt when it came from one of the persons you love the most. The redhead’s face went into complete regret the moment you responded. 

“Fuck you, Alex” Your breathing gets heavier as you hear the words coming out of her mouth. Coughing slightly before walking backward slowly getting away from her. Tears threading to come out and you clenched to your backpack before walking away.

Your coughing began to increase as you walked to your apartment, the day seemed to get colder and the feeling of hurt that your sister gave you wasn't helping either. Sure you had your problems in deciding what you wanted to do, you were a not very successful person in a lot of things. Even after trying to do a lot of things, you failed on all of them. And it wasn't because you didn't try hard enough because you weren't made to do certain things.

You are not even going to finish it like you don't finish anything 

Alex’s words kept running through your head as everything around you started to collapse. Your breathing became heavier and you felt as if you could even breathe. Your mind became clouded as your vision did. No words were coming out of your mouth when you tried to ask for help. And in the blink of an eye, you felt falling into the concrete as you were caught by two familiar arms leaving you unconscious.

Your blonde sister listened to your heartbeat as they kept walking. She knew that leaving Alex in her regretful feelings, to chase after you who were hurt by your oldest sister wasn't the best idea. You would have yelled at her too, separating you from them and shutting everyone out. While the redhead would just go to drown herself in alcohol.

The moment she heard your heart rate increased, she flew over immediately to see you in front of your apartment building. With your hand in your chest as you looked around, hyperventilating and coughing losing balance. Kara called you a few times only for you to be lost in your world. Wrapping her arms around you the moment you lost consciousness, she recognizes everything. 

Calling Alex to meet her at the hospital, she gently carried you into it. Kissing your forehead before pulling you into a hospital bed as the medical team came to check on you after she had yelled for them. The facade on hers and Alex’s faces as both of them stood scared for your life. 

Kara could hear the doctor's orders, as they shocked you more than once. Regaining you back to life. It was an asthma attack, you hadn't had one in years. This one seemed to be the one that could have ended your life and the worst one you ever had. 

Alex cried into Supergirl's shoulder as the doctors came out, letting them see you. You were in the hospital bed connected with various machines. You looked somewhat peaceful, your lips were still blue from the attack. Kara remained quiet as she comforted your oldest sister. The blonde blamed herself because she wasn't fast enough, and they had lost you for minutes. And the redhead blamed herself for the attack maybe if she wasn't yelling at you, it wouldn't have happened.

----

“Aren't you missing something?” You woke up to a wide and bright light in front of your head. Trying to regain your breath as you did putting your hands immediately to your chest. Lifting your head you see both of your sisters embracing each other, making you smile sadly before joking.

Kara and Alex immediately chuckled softly before walking to each side of your bed. You coughed after the words left your mouth. Your hair bothered your eyes, trying to move it you tried to move your hand only to find it hard enough to reach.

There wasn't any strength left in your body. Everything felt heavy and strange just like all those years before. You had felt it the moment everything went black. 

Alex moved the hair out of your face, as Kara held your hand. Words getting caught in her throat as she opened her mouth multiple times. Kara took the lead as she first addressed the question. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay” You murmured, giving them a reassuring smile. 

Alex started to claim tears running down her cheeks “I’m sorry, I'm so sorry”

You shake your head before speaking. Your voice came out as if your mouth was full of food. “It’s ok, Al”

“I didn't mean it, I didn't Y/N/N” Alex sobbed into your chest as you tried to comfort her, whispering comforting words as she cried. Kara stood at the side rubbing her hand, quiet as she watched your’s and Alex’s interaction. 

 You responded quietly, as your tears began to come out.“I know, okay? I know”

Memories of sisters' night, crying and laughing. At your and your sisters' lowest and highest moments. Days and nights begin at each other's side at every moment of the day and night. Ice creams, pizzas, potstickers, and more things exchange as you were in each other's embrace. 

“We are your big sisters, and we are going to bug you in all the possible ways to protect and also to annoy you, little one,” Kara said making you three laugh wetly, as you nodded before the three of you hugged each other. 

And you knew that even sometimes when their words hurt you, and stabbed you in the back with the truth. That they did it because they loved you, they cared about you, and they wanted the best for you. As you did for them. 

[the-paris-of-people]

Hi. This is really not a question but more of a rant. A really really long one. I apologize in advance. I honestly care waaaaayyyy too much about this show than I should. Clearly too bored🙈.

After reading people's comments on this show and the ships, there are so many things that irk me and I thought I'd share even if I might get crap for it. So here goes:

1. "Ben only wants Devi when she is with Paxton." I.e. it's about Paxton. Lol people are funny. As though Ben thinks he can compete with Paxton on a social level. He's not stupid, he knows full well he can't. It's about Devi and in part her obsession with Paxton. People don't like thinking about things from Ben's perspective because they just don't like him. He's the one that finds out Devi is cheating, she runs after Paxton at the party ( now granted before she runs out, she's intensely staring at Ben and then realises Paxton is leaving but Ben's not gonna remember that) and she was busy chumming it up with Paxton in episode 3 in front of Ben with absolute disregard for him. So his natural defence is to guard himself and have his walls go up. It is a valid response. He burries his pain (exactly what Samberg said). And does not let his guard down around her romantically until episode 10 when Paxton literally rejects her at school. At the school dance, sparks are flying between those 2. Is Paxton around at the time...Uhm no (I'll get into the whole Aneesa thing). In his mind Paxton is out of the picture and it's like he can almost trust her again. And then when Paxton shows up with Devi, he basically feels like a fool for ever thinking that he was ever something more than 2nd best or sometimes anything at all ( especially considering Devi still wants Paxton after Devi and Paxton's last public interaction that Ben witnessed- I mean he does not get to see the shit behind closed doors). But then when Eleanor spills the tea, that look on his face is disbelief, yes a little bit of jealousy but overwhelmingly heartbreak. He is essentially watching the chance he never knew he had go away. Now you could argue that he should have known that she wanted him back but she broke his trust and does not explicitly say, " I want you back". Ben's not trying to get burnt again based on some assumption/hunch. He has been wrong before.

2. "How dare Ben be upset that Devi is with Paxton when he is with Aneesa". Fair point. Just like how dare Devi be upset and lose her shit over Ben and Aneesa. But yet it still happend. Devi gets 5 episodes allowing her to be upset and Ben can't even have one moment when a firkken bomb gets dropped on him.

Aneesa and Ben should have never date. Everyone knows that. He was never over Devi. He just pushed those feelings down to make him believe he was over her. I obviously don't agree with this. Aneesa doesn't deserve that. Ben needs to go to therapy. He needs an outlet. He is similar to Devi in that he doesn't want to process what happened and would rather move on and react. However, his reactions are far less impulsive/severe as Devi's. Him dating Aneesa is unfortunately a reaction. He didn't give himself time to really process how he feels. People say he dated Aneesa solely to spite Devi which is not true. Is there an element of " you never wanted me but someone else does"... absolutely but Aneesa is also very kind to Ben, they get along really well and she puts him first. Technically what's not to like. I mean if it was just to spite Devi, could he have not tried to hustle his way back in with Shira?? Problem is that dumb dumb didn't work through his Devi feelings and let's just be honest, the same spark and chemistry he has with Devi, is missing with Aneesa. It often feels forced, especially in regards to the pace of the relationship. I so wished Aneesa remained friends with Ben. That's what he needed...not another relationship.

3. "Aneesa is so amazing, she doesn't deserve to get hurt." I agree. She absolutely doesn't deserve to get hurt just like Ben and Paxton didn't deserve that crap Devi pulled. I think Aneesa is a great addition and I like that Devi has someone within her community to connect to. I'm South Asian myself and I genuinely value this aspect of my own life. I mean she is pretty great, kind and the anorexia rumour Devi unintentionally started was pretty heartbreaking. That scene where she talks to Devi at the relay about it, is so sad (especially coz we as viewers know Devi messed up). Now that being said is Aneesa also low key shady? YES. And it's not because she dated her friend's ex. It's because she started dating him knowing that Devi started the rumour about her because she was jealous about Ben and her. How does she think Devi would go from being so jealous that she starts a rumour, to the next week becoming their biggest "Stan". Come on girl. But there was no way Devi could say no after the crap she pulled with Aneesa. Ben did ask her out so if there is blame, he absolutely gets it too but he didn't know why Devi started that rumour (based on his surprised AF face when Eleanor spills the tea). Which leads me to my next question. Why didn't Aneesa tell him? Aneesa said Ben was supporting her through the rumour. She probably told him Devi started the rumour but didn't tell him why? That is odd? Clearly if Ben had known, he may changed his perspective on Devi actually wanting him instead of ignoring his feelings.

Lastly Aneesa knows there are unresolved feelings between Devi and Ben. This is evident from that dance scene. She literally runs to cut in their pretty intense conversation. Like why you running girl? I didn't think much of it at first but coupled with another moment, it makes a lot of sense. When Ben agrees to dance with Aneesa, he looks back at Devi and lingers and Aneesa picks up on this and pulls him away. It's a blink and you will miss it moment but it is there.

Now all of this doesn't mean she needs to get hurt but they probably need to break up. Ben needs to be single for a while and work through how he feels about Devi, Aneesa and most importantly himself. Whilst I don't particularly enjoy their relationship, you never get to see it from either of their perspectives. Maybe that could change things but honestly I just prefer Ben and Devi.

Also can everyone stop acting like Ben is dating Devi's best friend. Being brown doesn't make you automatically best friends and Ben and Devi met Aneesa the same week. People are acting like he is dating Eleanor.

4. "Devi chose Paxton". Please! The only thought through decision that girl made in regards to these 2 boys is when she chose herself and decided not to be Paxton's little secret. I mean in episode 1 and 2 she can't decide so she dates both. In episode 3, she interacts with Paxton because of the whole tutoring thing. He says they don't makes sense. While she seems a bit sad she doesn't seem too upset like she is season 1 and she isn't looking for any opportunity to spend time with him (unlike season 1). Episode 4,5,6,7 and 8 she is losing her mind over Ben. Half way through 8 she knows she has no choice but to let him go. But even after that she doesn't pursue Paxton. He does that at the end of episode 9 when in all honesty she hasn't really thought about him in a while. Then of course Paxton does what he does and she finally choose herself, issuing an ultimatum essentially. Paxton does eventually show up...but it's a choice by default. She just yo-yo's between them. She also needs to be single, deal with her loss, love herself and think about what she wants.

5. "Devi loves Paxton". Sure bud. Does have Devi have feeling for Paxton? Duh! But is it love. Nope. People like to confuse infatuation for love. She has been infatuated with this boy this the 3rd (she knew squat about him). When her dad died, she turns that infatuation into an obsession. It like becomes a full time hobby in season 1. She ruins relationships over it. In season 2 you can argue there is more depth to it and Paxton does grow in Season 2. But somehow she is still fixated on the fact that it's Paxton Hall-Yoshida. I mean she smells him (totally normal), Mc Enroe's comment at the relay was, "did this hunk of beef just say he likes spending time with her", when she breaks up him she says , "you are very good at kissing" not possibly any of his other good qualities. And at the end she says , "I guess I'm Paxton Hall Yoshida's girlfriend now". This boy is so far up a pedestal that if he fell of it, he'd break something. Now granted if he fell of it in Season 1, he'd be dead. So progress I guess...

Maybe the relationship will change in Season 3 and she genuinely falls in love with him. I mean Id be sad but obviously a real possibility. But also that relationship needs to move on from being just the "Paxton project" which it was basically all of season 2. Maybe actually talk about her every once in a while.

Also people who find the ending so amazing because he shows up...bare minimum bro. I understand his perspective, how does it look to go back with someone who cheated on you. Fair point 💯. However she didn't start this shit up again. He did. He liked her so much that he had to make out with her In the middle of the night out of the blue but not enough to respect her publically. That's some BS right there. If he started it, he should have thought it through instead of guilt tripping her. But he is a teenager and ALL of them make incredibly stupid decisions (we all have). Devi messed up big time too and she apologized. The same compassion must extend to him but in no way is it a grand gesture, it's the bare minimum...like her apologies

6. "Paxton forgave Devi forgave Devi so quickly whilst Ben didn't and was so mean". He did forgive her pretty quickly. Good for him. However let's not act like circumstance didn't carve the way for that. They were pushed together because of the whole tutoring thing and he knows that they have to see each other all the time. So logically just makes sense to keep the peace. But still mature oh his part. Also he wasn't as emotionally invested as Ben. Did he have feelings? Yes. However, based on his inner monologue (Gigi Hadid) his ego took more of a hit because how could Devi, the "weirdest girl" he ever liked two time him with Ben Gross. Did his feelings deepen by the end? Yes. But at the start...it isn't that deep.

Also it's great and all that he "forgave" her so quickly but he sure did like bringing it up a lot. Like at the relay guilting her, upset at the end of 6 because he failed...I mean wtf girl you owe me- I don't really care what else is going on in your life, again in episode 8 in the car and finally we all know the mess that is episode 10.

In regards to Ben. His anger is justified for reasons stated in point 1. In fact his reaction seems more real because he is deeply hurt by Devi. Do I like some of his reaction (i.e. nose piercing-will discuss this further) ...nope but she only sincerely apologises to him in episode 8 vs 3 for Paxton. He accepts it. People acting like they would be so calm and chill about being cheated on. And yes he did cheat on Shira. He tries to kiss Devi at party twice but apologises that day and the following week. He doesn't try anything with Devi the whole of episode 10 until she kisses him. He acknowledges that it was wrong and immediately breaks up with Shira. Although cheating is not something we should condone can we actually acknowledge that Shira was the worst and doesn't even remember Ben's name. Compare that to Devi's premeditated cheating. Her Eleanor are literally laughing at how amazing they are for pulling it off and Devi didn't care about either of their feelings cause she was going to be India. Sorry but that is far worse. She also thinks she can bullshit her apology with Ben. He isn't here for that...which is fine! He kept trying his level best to avoid her but even that she wouldn't let him do.

7. "Ben is Horrible". Has Ben done some shitty things. Absolutely. People complain that he has never apologised for anything. Fair enough. He needs to apologize for the UN comment and the psychosomatic comment. It was incredibly hurtful. However, no one does call him out of it. Now you could argue he should just do it. Please... have you watched these particular set of teenagers? None of them apologise without being called out on it first(except maybe Fabiola). And you only get called out my your support system ... which Ben does not have. He practically looks like he raised himself. He doesn't have parents to put him back in line or a sister to call him out on his shit. Devi has her mom, cousin, grandmum , Elanor, Fabiola and her therapist. Does she ever listen to them the first time? Nope. And her first time apologies are such messes. She only gets it right the 2nd or 3rd time. All of them have some form of support but not really him. And it is heartbreaking. It's why I genuinely believe he needs to go to therapy. He needs an outlet to express everything he feels. He also needs to be held accountable for those comments and understand the root of it (ok let's be honest Devi even in their rivalry was probably the most constant person in his life, and fighting with her meant she stayed close by- it's a subconscious thing). He should apologize to her and also find better ways to communicate what he is feeling. The nose ring thing was manipulative. I agree. He should apologize. But I'm not gonna lie, it doesn't piss me off as much because I think it's pretty messed that it took that for her to realise how much she hurt him. Also tbh if you were willing to alter your body on a 2 minute thought out dare, you wanted to do it anyway. But again not a healthy way to emote on Ben's part. The David thing doesn't upset me because he knows how to pronounce her actual name. It's not like he doesn't know how and doesn't bother to try. It was part of their rivalry to irritate her. I honestly find it quite endearing as part of their friendship and think Devi does. I may be wrong and she may not like it and in that case he needs to stop and apologize.

I am not upset by him coming over to her house and calling her out about Aneesa. She deserved it. Also if she was that uncomfortable she could have taken him outside to talk like she did with Paxton. She is clearly comfortable enough to have him in the house. And her therapist agrees with Ben. If he hadn't, she wouldnt have known that Aneesa was leaving. Her mom took away her phone. And even then her first attempt at an apology was soooooo bad. And I don't think Ben did it solely to get Aneesa to stay so he could date her. This is Ben, he was willing to do long distance with Devi from India, I think he could have done the same with Aneesa from like the same town 🙄

I genuinely like Ben because he is a good kid. He makes mistakes like they all do. His personality is hilarious to watch but also his and Devi's relationship is so special. Me liking Ben and Devi has nothing to do with what Paxton has or has not done. I just like the dynamic between the two. They obviously care deeply for each other. Their conversations are hilarious. I love their banter. I love how comfortable they are with each and am sometimes surprised by the depth of their conversations. But also they have amazing chemistry. All the jealous looks and angst are between these two idiots pining for each other. I think she does have chemistry with Paxton but it's more because he is PHY, school Adonis. I mean let's be honest, he'd probably have chemistry with Fabiola solely cause he is PHY. The two nerds just match each other and it's so funny how often they are in sync. It's honestly adorable. They just get each other. That bathroom scene was the sweetest thing and also proves he's not this terrible person. She only comes out of the stall because of his support. He is genuinely hurt for her when technically it should have been a great moment for him.

I do believe the two have to be single for a bit before admitting their feelings for one another and moving forward. That's why my main thing for season 3 is that he absolutely cannot interfere in her relationship with Paxton. He needs to give her the space to figure that. Do I think there will be moments between them... absolutely but no cheating please. Everyone needs to move on from that. If they do it...I honestly think il be done with the show.

Anyways sorry for the really long ramble. If you made it to the end thanks for your patience 😌

Thank you for this beautiful masterpiece, I pretty much agree with everything and need to put it out there for the world to see

[elia-de-silentio]

Seriously, what's up with Jeanne?

While this particular arc seems to be focused on everyone else, I'd like to make a little recap about a character who, even if the narration has not focused on it as much as for other characters, is one of the most sorrounded by mysteries: Jeanne.

This is her 'birth'. Her parents had been mentioned a few chapter earlier, but as we can see here, they are the ones who adopted her after finding her completely on her own. Jeanne herself is confused by the memory, and can't locate it well.

But we see her in what looks like some sort of water tank, with a reassuring figure practicing Pedagogy 101: always favor the child search for an identity and self-esteem!

But still, returning to the tanks: here's a figure who, from the vague details we can see of her, looks a lot like a young Jeanne in a tank ... but in the present time.

We see that now Ruthven is in front of it, but it's very unlikely that he was the Candle Holder: back when Jeanne was a child, he was still a moderate, his change didn't incur until Louise and Eric betrayed him. In fact, he seems very nice and encouraging to a recently-adopted Jeanne.

So, her childhood in the care of her parents goes swimmingly: she is loved, she meets Chloé who becomes like an older sister to her. To Candle Holder's face, she becomes an outgoing, mischievous child, with a warm and cheerful personality.

Then something terrible happens. Her parents betray Ruthven for ... nobody bothered to explain why, a lot of vampires are killed and Ruthven loses his eye as a consequence. The ever-so-progressive vampire culture informs Jeanne that children pay for their parents's sins, and from now on, she's a bourreau, a tool, exactly like Candle Holder told her.

Moreover, she convinces herself that it's her fault, that she disobeyed; from that moment onward, she dedicates herself to mindlessly obeying the Senate's orders, slaughtering without mercy her own kind on opposite factions.

That is, until Chloé. Faced with the order to kill the one she was so close to as a child, Jeanne can't be a tool anymore; she fails her mission, and has a breakdown, killing all the people who were with her. Appearently, it's something that happens often to bourreaus (e grazie al cazzo).

After this, the Senate nonchalantly talk about getting her 'destroyed' (not 'killed', notice the choice of words), but Ruthven intervenes on her behalf, pretty much saying that if the rest of the Senate isn't using their toy anymore then there are no problems if he takes it.

The immediately following panels are estremely interesting and, I think, the most important for what is going on right now. We see Jeanne laying on a bed, next to a table with some food; Naenia appears and hoovers over her, laughing creepily, but we don't see the Parade of Charlatan, or a conversation that implies Naenia stole her real name.

There is a blank in Jeanne's memories, and next thing we know, Ruthven is there, the room is completely trashed, and both him and Jeanne have signs of a fight. The only thing certain is that Ruthven drank Jeanne's blood, as shown by the stains on her neck and him ordering her to remember her oath. Then, he puts her into an induced slumber, something that was mentioned right in her introductory chapter, from which she will wake up to become Luca's chevalier.

Now, we get to the present times. We know that, on occasion, Jeanne suffers from the uncontrollable impulse to drink blood; she is on medicine, but it doesn't seem to be very effective, and given Vanitas's surprise at finding out something like that exist, I half-suspect it of being more of a placebo.

Still, it is not clear if she is a curse-bearer or simply addicted to blood, as Vanitas futilely tries to ask: Ruthven's command forbids her from speaking. Personally, I think she is neither.

We have seen time and time again that curse-bearers have an intense craving for blood, so much that they can't stop from draining completely their victims; but Jeanne always managed to stop herself before really harming Vanitas.

As for the 'addicted to blood' theory ... well, she showed no signs of being so before, especially since she was a bourreau under constant surveillance, and she wouldn't have had the opportunity to become it; neither she had it as Luca's bodyguard, a position of extreme responsibility.

But there are a few little hints that, at least to me, paint a very interesting picture.

As we have seen, Jeanne was 'born' in a water tank. But she isn't the only one: another very similar figure is being watched over by Ruthven. This led to two fandom theories: that the one we see is not the real Jeanne, currently still asleep, or that she is some sort of clone.

We see that this figure is not completely unaware: she flinches, in consequence of something that happened when the whole group was caught in the parade of Charlatan. Was it Noé calling Naenia, since the panels were shown immediately after? Or was it because Jeanne was having a vision of a distorted form of her parents?

Now, the first of these possibilities led others on this site to speculate that that was actually the true form of Naenia, that is, the vampire queen. An interesting theory, because when Chloé forces her into a physical form, she looks ...

Now, it might be just Mochizuki's style, but aside from the sheer volume of hair and the huge eyes, it seems to me that Faustina looks quite a lot like a young Jeanne.

Moreover, there is a shot of Ruthven's hand that is very similar to the one in Jeanne's scene above. Here is Faustina having flashbacks to when Ruthven ... eh, boh? Killed her? Destroyed her in some other way? It still isn't clear. Again, it could be just a representation of Ruthven extending his powers, but until confirmed otherwise I'll keep that into consideration.

Now, the very first image we got of the Vampire Queen was a frame of her hand, dark-skinned and extremely thin. But when she manifested as Faustina, she had fair skin. So maybe it was a result of her near-death condition, like she was a mummy?

Moreover, in that flashback, Ruthven said something about having her 'vanish', and Loki comments about smashing the queen's corpse. But for what we see, it looks pretty whole, even if in a not-so-great state. And both Loki and Veronica - there is a silhouette that looks a lot like her - seem to be fairly young for vampire standards, so whatever happened, it likely wasn't a long time ago.

But we know that her malnomen Naenia was around from before Ruthven was betrayed and corrupted, and likely before he got himself adopted into the Oriflamme's family and got his position of power. We see her trying to sway Chloé and do something that hurts Ruthven himself.

The point I'm trying to explore is: Jeanne was born in a tank, and Candle Holder called her a vessel, something that should not have had a will of her own. What is both the 'Jeanne is in the tank' and 'Faustina is in the tank' theories are correct? What if Jeanne is Faustina's clone?

Besides the resemblance, there is what little we see of Candle Holder. A sleeve; but to me, it looks quite similar to the Senate's formal wear.

If there is some cloning of the vampire queen going about, the Senate would definitely not only know, but also be the one to arrange the whole thing.

So, here's my tentative theory: Faustina's true name gets corrupted by as of now unknown means, and the nature of her malnomen is taking away other vampires's names. This has repercussions on her physical state as well, the Senate notices, and does something about that; to her body only, which does squat to actually stop the cursebearers spread. Besides this failure, they don't want to throw the vampire world in a major political crisis; so they made up some clone of the Queen, perhaps in the hopes to transmit to them the original's memories and personality, thus making them 'vessels'. Perhaps this works for a while, but eventually, even the new bodies start to manifest something wrong, and get discarded for other clones.

At some point, due to some accident, one of the clones escapes, wanders off, is found by Eric and Louise, and developes a personality of her own: Jeanne.

But after some time, she starts to develope strange symptoms too, namely her compulsion to drink blood, which manifested itself after she met Naenia. We know that she fears she'll stop being herself; maybe she risks to become a part of Charlatan in her own right?

As for why, if this theory is correct, the Queen hasn't been seen in public in a long time ... well, maybe there was some accident, and are waiting for the next clone to be ready? They can't exactly bring in a Queen that looks like a young girl if she was an adult woman in her last public appearence.

I realize that, as it is, it's a pretty shaky theory, but I wanted to share it, while waiting for anything to confirm or debunk it.

Thanks to anyone who bothered to read my ramblings!

[itsany62]

SteveTony - Getting Together

Here are some Getting Together fics that I adore. Don't forget to leave kudos and nice comments in every fic!

Lovesick, by royal_chandler, 3 k >, fluff.

The depth of the flu aisle in the pharmacy is substantial, overwhelmingly so, and Steve is half-convinced he needs to return to the front and trade his basket for a full-on cart.

There's a Party Going on Right Here, by Annie D (scaramouche), Post-Endgame.

After the Battle of Earth, Tony hosts a party.

Open Tab , by machi_kun , 5k> words, Post-Avengers 2012.

Tony has a lot of money. Really. More money he could possibly ever spend by himself. So what if he spends some of it buying gifts for his friends? People like gifts! And Steve is his friend. His best friend, actually, inside the Avengers, and he’s glad it turned out this way - so it’s also a way of saying 'thanks for putting up with me', he thinks. He just wants Steve to be happy. If Tony can make him happy, then why wouldn’t he? Tony buying Steve gifts is no big deal. Shut up, Rhodey.

(Pretty) Odd, by machi_kun, 5 k> words, Developing Relationship, Fluff.

In his file, Tony Stark had been described as eccentric. He had also been described as a narcissist, as a self-destructive liability, as not-recommended, and all sort of fancy words that are used to disguise the fact that they were calling him an all-around asshole; And that’s a very long list of bad adjectives, for a guy Steve saw carry a nuke behind his back to save the city, gave them a place to stay, and is slowly showing himself to be one of the most curious people Steve has ever met. Maybe Tony Stark is eccentric – and maybe he is a bit of an asshole. But maybe he’s also more than that.

Six Times DUM-E Made It Worse (and One Time He Fixed It) by FestiveFerret, 4 k > words, Outsider POV.

DUM-E has a lot of Very Important jobs to do, and he does his best to do them right. Sometimes, though, things don't work out very well.

All he wants is for his humans to be happy.

Sweet Child O' Mine by starspangledsprocket, 9 k > words, Age Regression/De-Aging, Fluff.

After just their second outing as the Avengers, everyone except for Steve and Tony are turned into toddlers. Madness ensues.

'Cause Everytime We Touch by Perlmutt, 5 k > words, Touch-Starved.

Steve noticed it the first time they were officially introduced at Fury’s office after the battle of New York.

He extended his hand for a handshake, a silent peace offer after their horrible first meeting at the helicarrier almost a week ago. Stark looked at it like it would bite him any second. Steve could see how his hands twitched where he’d buried them in his pockets. But instead of taking his hand, he stared into his eyes for a moment and nodded before turning back to Fury.

Only later would Steve learn that it wasn’t hatred or aversion.

how the thought of you does things to me by Finduilas, 6 k > words, Mutual Pining, Domestic Avengers.

Steve has a thing for Tony's butt. Tony has a thing for Steve's beard. They're both very obvious about it (just ask any of their friends!), but somehow they manage to also be completely oblivious.

Right here waiting by gottalovev, 19 k > words, Cat Dads.

Steve has been missing Tony like crazy since he left the compound. One day, Steve drops in unannounced at the tower, and when on a walk for coffee they rescue newborn kittens.

Or: A yearning Steve, an oblivious Tony, and co-parenting kittens. (= fuff!)

picture perfect (picture us) by starklystar, 18 k > words, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Photo Shoots.

Tony has a habit of being handsy during photoshoots.

Steve has a habit of being flustered whenever Tony touches him.

Misunderstandings happen.

Or, five times Steve and Tony went to a photoshoot

+ the one time they had better things to do.

++ the one time they take their photoshoot online.

take me out (to the ball game) by muItifandomjess, 1 k > words, Fluff.

“Take me out to the ball game, take me out with the crowd,” Steve sings, his shoulder bumping into Tony’s as he sways back and forth. “Come on, Tony, sing!”

“I am a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist,” Tony protests around a mouthful of hot dog. “I do not sing.”

Or, Steve and Tony go to a ball game. It all kind of snowballs from there.

Drifting Further Everyday by GotTheSilver, 8 k > words, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Steve’s quiet a lot of the time, it’s almost like living with a ghost, and Tony kind of hates it; he lives with more than enough actual ghosts every day. The longer time goes on, the more Tony recognises what’s going on, sees the jumpiness, the haunted look on his face, and he gets it. Realises they’re both trying to bury things they don’t want to talk about. More often than not, Tony turns around in the workshop to see Steve sitting there, patiently working on something in his sketchbook or reading an actual book, usually something he missed during the years he was frozen.

Somehow Steve is filling all the gaps in his life Tony didn’t realise he needed filling.

Goop, Or Five Times Steve Rogers Was Covered In... Something, And One Time Tony Was by Bill_Longbow, 7 k > words, Mutual Pining.

There were a lot of things Steve had expected about the future; sleek buildings, sleeker electronics, and all the food you can eat. Being covered in alien goop wasn't one of them.

or

How Steve being covered in... stuff, brings Tony and Steve closer.

The art of longing by itsallAvengers, 63 k > words, Oblivious Tony, Not Actually Unrequited Love.

Steve's used to missing his shot. To being too late, too scared, and losing everything. But he really did think that this time, with Tony, something could work.

Then Tony meets Mark. He's cool and charming, he's a scientist and he's perfect for a man like Tony Stark.

And suddenly Steve...

Well. Steve just doesn't have a place anymore

earth laughs in flowers by starksnack, 3 k > words, Love Confessions, Secret Admirer.

A secret admirer has been sending Tony flowers and confessions of love.

Crash Into You by FestiveFerret, 15 K > words, Post-Avengers (2012), Stranded.

Tony was pretty used to crashing.

It seemed like these days more often than not his return to earth in the Iron Man suit was at least somewhat out of control. He couldn't count the number of times he'd used a helpfully situated building, a local landmark, or, hey, even a teammate to slow a wild descent. And he'd be damned if he'd admit it to Pepper, but on more than one occasion he hadn't even been conscious when he'd hit the ground.

So crashing wasn't really a new experience. He would get banged up a bit, maybe put a scratch in the suit somewhere, but bruised ribs healed and there was no better way to work off the post-battle high than smoothing dents out of his most prized possession.

He had a feeling crashing in the Quinjet, without his armour, was going to be a bit different..

I like me better (when I'm with you) by I_write_things_sometimes, 79 k > words, Domestic Avengers, Friends to Lovers.

If you ask either of them how they got together, they'd go back to an unremarkable night filled with expensive food, rich donors, and lots of schmoozing. And, of course, the anxiety attack that started it all.

"Not recognizing someone was strange enough, but the longer the two men spoke with — or, more accurately at — Tony, the more convinced Steve was that the conversation was unwanted, at least on Tony’s part.

The first clue was that Tony was actively leaning away from the men he was talking to. Steve had learned firsthand that Tony was an incredibly tactile person. When he wanted to talk to you, Tony engaged completely; he’d sling his arm around your shoulders, squeeze your arm, or drag you around as he talked, walked and usually did at least two other things. Even when he argued, Tony was often immediate and in his opponent's space; Steve knew that from experience.

Right now? Tony was scanning the outskirts of the room rather than making eye contact with the men near him. If Steve had to guess, Tony was looking for the nearest exit."

Or, the way Steve Rogers and Tony Stark became friends and then more.

Mission SteveTony by itsallAvengers, 7 k > words, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Steve Rogers.

If the entire team of Avengers could please stop trying to get it on with Tony when Steve is right there, he would really appreciate that, thank you

you'll wait a long time by nanasekei, 16 k > words, Pining, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie).

Steve and Tony share a moment during a wedding. Things escalate from there.

-

Alternatively: Four weddings, a funeral, and one very emotionally stunted idiot.

The Game by FestiveFerret, 5 k > words, Gay Chicken.

The game starts when Tony walks into the garage to find Steve sitting astride the R1200RS, staring down at his phone, and he maybe, just a little bit, walks into a car.

Talking Bodies by itsallAvengers, 13 k > words, Misunderstandings, Insecure Steve Rogers.

Coincidentally, the physical effects of romantic and sexual desire match up very closely with the physical effects of fear. But it's not a problem-- it's not like anyone is going to be able to hear the way your heart speeds up, or see the minute dilation of your pupils, are they? They'd have to be some sort of Superhuman to do that.

And what's worse than a Superhuman hearing that quick pulse and seeing those dilated eyes and concluding that you're in love with them?

A Superhuman hearing that quick pulse and seeing those dilated eyes and thinking you're terrified of them.

more than just a dream. by frostfall, 10 k > words, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Parent Tony Stark.

Tony: Fine.

Tony: I think I might.

Tony: Just might.

Tony: Have a teensy-weensy crush.

Peter: ;)

Peter: Is it who I think it is?

Tony: Unfortunately, yes.

Tony: You happy now?

(Peter thinks he's found the perfect partner for his dad. Tony thinks his son has officially lost his mind. Steve's just oblivious to the fact that he's out of Tony's league.)

don’t want you to get it on (with nobody else but me). by frostfall, 4 k > words, Jealous Steve Rogers, The Pocky Game.

There are a lot of things that Steve doesn’t get about the future. But it’s fine. He will, eventually. He has time.

But one thing he knows is that he’ll never, ever be able to wrap his head around is the fanfare surrounding Pocky.

(Or Steve’s jealous of biscuit sticks.)

check yes (if the feeling isn't new) by cvptains, 12 k > words, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Meddling.

After the battle with Thanos, both Tony and Steve struggle with reconnecting in certain aspects of their lives. Sam Wilson and Peter Parker are totally over it.

Where both Steve and Tony's respective friends make accounts for them on the renowned dating app, FlickLove, and the results come out a bit... surprising. Cue unadvisable meddling that really — honestly — comes from good intentions.

take my heart clean apart by mistymountainking, 13 k > words, Tony Stark Has Self-Esteem Issues.

He’s tired, so tired of waiting, tired of touches with no meaning, tired of holding his breath when Steve’s in the room, tired of keeping this love to himself.

“I can’t—I can’t, if you don’t mean it.”

***

Tony comes home exhausted after an SI event. Steve acts as welcoming committee. It's an old, careworn routine they've perfected over the years, but tonight ends up going in a very different direction.