#also in general im just. struggling to keep a fixation.

[oathweave]

god i need to rebrand

[lemon-sugarcoats-nothing]

How do you decide what to draw, and when it's done?

Text: "This is a great question! I usually "wing it" when it comes to deciding when my drawing is done. (More below)" "Finding ideas...? It kind of depends! Sometimes I'll get a strong picture form in my head while I'm doing something else. Other times I just sit and draw whatever."

Now to elaborate on my process for deciding when to stop, how far to go with shading, etc. Most of it has to do with how I feel about drawing something, but also to do with keeping things visually appealing. Here I've laid out each general step of my drawing process from start to finish:

1. Sketch, Meant to be quick and generally convey the subject. I will sometimes draw and post things just as cleaned up sketches if just adding visuals to a text post, for shit-posting, or just if I'm not too interested in what I'm drawing.

2. Line art, I almost never post *just* line art, but i will occasionally post line art with one color to fill in the silhouette to help with contrast and character recognizability.

3. Flat color, I often post ask responses at this stage (maybe with simple hard-edged shadows here or there), but outside of ask responses I only leave character reference art at this stage just because the colors are purest for the character. I don't usually leave it without simple shading because it can be hard to read the subject's form, and its not my cup of tea. I lightly airbrush a warm color over the line art so that the harsh black doesn't contrast too much with the bright colors.

4. Shaded, a step up from simple hard edge shading I'll layer more than one shading color (layer set to multiply and lowered opacity) and blend out the edges in some places to soften the form. Then I add lighting and highlights - first using a textured soft airbrush over a large area, then use a round airbrush with hard edges for the highlights, blending out the edges in some areas to soften the form. This is usually where i stop for simpler character pieces, either for ask responses or for personal art. (Highlight layers are set to "add-glow")

5. Atmosphere, or adding additional shading elements to engage the subject with an environment or specific lighting condition. Here I've done a sunset lighting condition - I put a purple color over the whole subject set to multiply and opacity lowered, then airbrushed a reddish orange tone (on a separate layer, set to add-glow and opacity lowered) over the highlighted areas to bring warmth back to the lit spots. Then deepened the shadows using the hard edge airbrush again, a dark blue color (multiply layer, lower opacity), and then blending some of the edges out to show the form better. This is where I'll merge the line-art layer with what i now have of the coloring and shading, if i didn't already do so prior. Last I went back over the highlights with the orangey color (add glow, lower opacity). Once I get to rendering like this, I don't often stop here because by this point I'm likely hyper fixated and will keep pushing the values and adding details until I get to 6.

6. Details and bounce light. I texture-airbrushed a blue bounce light color, erased some hard edges in using that hard edged airbrush and then blending some of the edges out. This then gave me a guide to add in bounce-highlights with a hard pen, that i blended out in some places. I then further pushed the main highlights using a hard pen and again, blended out the edges. All layers set to add glow and opacity lowered. This is where I'll usually stop for finished rendered pieces, because I struggle to find other things to add or change, and the hyperfixation is thinning out and caving into my hunger/sleepiness. Might add hard white highlight details, but those are the finishing touches.

7. Wtf details. Added in hair strand details and fly-aways, blades of grass, I'm up way too late and struggling to end the drawing process - Or im just enjoying rendering the hair. I almost never add in stray hairs like this, but it's something i enjoy visually.

Again, a lot of where I stop comes down to my energy, time, and the vibes I'm going for. Hope this answers your question!

[cyberwitchhhhhhhhh]

Whats keeping you stuck🦋?

Pile#1

Cards:The High Priestess ,Page of pentacles,Justice,Ace of cups

Okay pile one ! Im seeing whats keeping you stuck is keeping to yourself when you need to go and explore whats out there your very kept away when it comes to having to talk or going for an interview this is what’s keeping you down maybe your going through a stage where you want to go out and learn something or you want to go out and make money but maybe parents or teachers maybe even friends are putting you down which is making you want to sit back down and keep to yourself your very worthy of having a chance in opportunity I’m also seeing you sitting back on a opportunity because your afraid of other people taking credit for your things I’m seeing protection is the main thing keeping you down right about now .Im also seeing love is also keeping you stuck you don’t know if you should let karma do its course or handle it yourself whatever you might of been through in love there getting there karma there’s no need to worry as long as your satisfied in your new relationship.🦋

Pile#2

Cards:Four of cups,Eight of swords,Five of pentacles,King of swords,Six of swords

Okay pile two! Im seeing that what’s keeping you stuck is the past either its a past relationship or a disagreement or something that’s keeping you fixated on the past I’m seeing you cant let go of the past because you don’t know how to forgive people you tend to hold grudges on people and you trap yourself in this anxiety where your struggling to get out of because in your mind you think about what you could of did or should of did you tend to give yourself a little bit of the benefit of the doubt but you go right back to worrying .Im also seeing whats keeping you stuck is negative thinking all in general but the abandonment of someone either a father figure with the king of swords here or a boyfriend I’m seeing a older male here so I’m seeing you missing something in your life thats dealing with a male but instead of having all this to worry about take all of your problems and solve them one by one if you have to cry or whatever do it release.🦋

Pile#3

Cards:Six of pentacles,The Emperor,The sun ,King of cups

Okay pile three! Im seeing what’s keeping you stuck is you being to nice you not being able to say no people are always sticking out there hand but they cant do the same for you your a healer and your always expected to give people chances and do for people but when is it time that you put your foot down and start sticking up for yourself in general this is all about learning when people really need you and when people are just taking advantage every storm has a rainbow just because one person is mad and upset doesn’t mean the next person will .Im also seeing whats keeping you stuck is a older romantic man that you keep running back to because its your joy just because one thing makes you happy doesn’t mean you have to keep running back to it .🦋

[missmeinyourbones]

L DO U HAVE ANY NSFW DABI HEADCANONS 🙏

OH BOY DO I 😀😀😀

tags: nsfw, praise, edging, oral, marking, spit, minors and ageless blogs will be blocked.

ok....u guys need to hear me out...LOL

obviously the heavy belief is that touya is pretty rough, dominant, nasty, etc. and i do agree w/ most of that (🤒🤒🤒he definitely has his moments) i just....think that he's different when its not just sex and when he's actually in love with you

like his whole life has been quick and rough and brutal. its all he knows. so when you two are making out and youre on his lap and hes practically biting and swallowing you whole in the heat of the moment, as if ur gonna disappear in between his fingertips, you pull away for a second and hes like...ur leaving me huh :/ but youre like no!!! lets just slow down for a second n feel each other...learn each other a bit better

you just kinda have to reteach him everything in a way??? y'know with a lot of reassurance and convincing, reminding him that youre not going anywhere, that he can take his time with you. and so he does!!!!!

so with that being said, i think he has a pretty big praise kink LOL both giving and receiving (especially!!!!) its obvious that he's struggled with things like approval and affirmation, so simple things with you telling him what feels nice, how good of a job hes doing, how loved you feel, it goes right to his dick LMFAO he loooooves knowing that he's doing more than enough to make you feel this good

i also think he's into edging....because once you tell him to take his time with you, he certainly does. he learns what feels good for you, not just for him—because this is different. he wants you to feel just as good (if not better) than he does, its no longer just about chasing his orgasm or getting himself off. he wants you to thoroughly enjoy the whole experience. hes a big fat TEASE...often throwing your own words back at you with the whole "i thought you wanted me to take my time" or "patience, doll. im learning you, remember?"

oral fixation oral fixation ORAL FIXATION. obsessed with having things in his mouth or putting things in yours ;} loves sticking his fingers down ur throat or having you suck your own slick off of them. one time u ride him and put ur fingers in HIS mouth and he cums so fast LOL. a big sucker....likes sucking and biting on any part of you he can reach: lips, neck, shoulders, boobs, thighs...he likes keeping his mouth busy (when he's not using it to tease you🤨🤨🤨)

one of the popular hcs i agree with is definitely his possessiveness. hes so pathetic and whiny and (for lack of better wording) desperate. so when he finally opens up and is willing to give this much of himself to someone, theres no going back. ur his and he will remind you every chance he gets. easily jealous and handsy. likes to mark you with hickeys, bites, messy makeup, stains on your clothing. likes spitting in ur mouth. likes to make you look as fucked out as you possibly can, then makes you say that he did this to you. that youre his. only for him.

in general i think hes a freak LOL he hides a lot of his true feelings and fear of intimacy behind that sort of rough, nasty, "its just sex and pleasure for me" exterior. once u love him and he knows that, it gets so much better. can be nasty AND soft. rough AND tender. he can do it all baby <3

[symptoms-syndrome]

Hi! I’m curious to hear (in a vague way) what the process was like uncovering the DID if you’re comfortable answering. Like how long did it take? Did your therapist(s)/treatment team first consider other diagnoses? And anything else you feel comfortable sharing.

Hihi! This is sort of a hard question to answer for me, but I can try!

What constitutes my "treatment team" is sort of hard to define in this sense, because IDK if you mean "the ppl over the course of my life" or like "the one who wrote it on paper."

I've been seeing a therapist since I was 6 years old. I started going to outpatient programs like when I was in my early teens for Behavioral Problems. In those I was diagnosed with everything in the book so like. In that sense other diagnoses were considered? I think by the time I was 18 and kicked out of the house/able to see a professional of my own volition not connected to my parents/disciplinary programs, I was mostly labeled as BPD, PTSD, depression + anxiety, OCD, maybe NPD or ODD. I don't really give a single shit about any of those because I don't define myself by diagnoses anymore, or try not to, and my therapists as an adult told me it was majorly fucked that I was diagnosed with all that as a teenager. Most of them weren't even legit they were just labels to try and pin down why I was a Bad Kid. Spoiler for that, the answer was that generally teenagers act out when they're subject to intense trauma basically all the time and aren't listened to and are institutionalized. Tends to fuck your brain up real bad. I'm a lot better now not bc I got over the laundry list of diagnoses, but because I'm in like. A stable and supportive and independent environment.

I was officially diagnosed as an adult, exact ages escape me but probably like 19? It came as a surprise to me but fit like a glove re: my experiences with memory loss, not remembering where I am, meeting people who have met me before but I didn't remember, people telling me I did things I don't think I would, etc. It was really upsetting to hear because it's such a. Permanent and perception-of-life altering disorder. I was definitely hoping it was something that could be like. Cured more easily. It was also definitely hard to come to terms with the fact my childhood was That Bad, when I didn't really think it was before.

My therapist at the time said it was almost stupidly obvious that was what I had, even tho I wasn't like. Aware of it.

So like. How long did it take is hard to answer. Overall, if you count all the time I was being seen by psychiatric "professionals?" Over 10 years. If you count just that therapist? Like one year.

I'm a lil scatterbrained RN, so I might add more detail later or if u send another ask. I guess the question is so open and vague it's hard to answer without a full autobiography LMAO.

But I guess it would be useful to know why you wanna know. Then I could probably give a better answer. Are you considering the diagnosis for yourself? Are you trying to see if ur experience is shared w others? But also keep in mind I'm a weird little anti-psych dog who in general rejects the idea of seeking diagnosis for treatment. RN in therapy I mostly talk about my day to day struggles with whatever (like "damn, I've been really fixated on [specific trauma] this week" or "I made a friend" or "I'm really stressed about this argument I had" or "later this week im going on a date and i don't wanna fuck it up") and occasionally parts stuff comes up. Therapy hasn't majorly changed I don't think. Then again I'm real shit brain right now and my memory sucks ass. Maybe I can answer better later I just know if I didn't answer at all I'd forget.

[eggyrocks]

hi eggy<3 i would like 2 request a match-up of 3 hq charas pls! i’m bi-romantic so guys/gorls is okay!

mbti: infp-t,,, super shy but talkative once we’re 1-1

astrology: aries sun, pisces moon, leo rising<3

hobbies: fashion!!! reading, traveling, making art/music, astrology, anime, k-drama, listening 2 podcasts, collecting cameras + photography, witchcraft lmao (tarot & crystals), collecting plushies, k-pop, ballet as of dis month, bullet journalling in my toto puzzles, tbh i weave in & out of hobbies as i pls n i lov 2 try new things! recently embroidered kageyama’s ics sweater saur i could wear it 2 da hq movie premier in 2 days & root 4 him<3 not sporty but i do stretches & mobility class & lift weights 2 strengthen my body bc im cLUMSY n get injured easily:( fav sport im acc gud at is rock-climbing dhshsdh also i’m a mom of 2 bunnies🥺

likes in d8s/relationships: nature, artsy fartsy spaces, thrifting, going 2 cafes & for ice cream!! amusement parks + rollercoasters!!!! taking photos. i lov ppl who can tease me n we can go back & forth. someone who is super smart & knows a lil bit abt everything & who can teach me new tings is who i tend to go for. quick whit is also a plus! gives me nicknames. tells me abt their day n is secretly sentimental. someone who i can tell all my hyper fixation of da day/wk/month to & won’t judge:,) someone who keeps their promises & tries to make it up 2 me when they fuck up. someone who is >:( at first glance but is acc rly sweet once u get to kno dem! my lov lang is words of affirmation & acts of service but i also lov 2 give ppl gifts esp when i travel! not big on physical touch but head pats make me weak🥺

dislikes: unwanted physical touches w sexual undertones/sexual innuendos directed towards me bc i’m ace, loud noises unless it’s at a gig, ppl w no manners, ppl who talk all abt them n never ask anything abt others, broken promises, someone who gen makes fun of things i like or doesn’t show interest in the tings i’m interested in, inconsistency, ppl who dun support therapy, homelessness, women’s rights, gay rights, mental health, etc. & da biggest red flag for me is racism!

tysm u big cutie!!!<3 forever supporting ur works & ur indulging in ur spotify playlists🤍🎀☁️🩰

thank you so much for your donation <3 get your own matchup here

match up number one: tsukishima kei

the epitome of >:( on the outside but secretly sweet

and i mean very secretly

but tsukki would be quietly obsessed w/ you in way that he thinks is not obvious but it actually is extremely obvious

like would be thinking of you all the time

like if he was out in public and saw smth that reminded him of you he would take a picture of it not even to send to you just to keep it on his phone bc he likes things that remind him of you

and literally any single time that man sees a plushie he thinks you would like he's getting it for you (his love language is absolutely gift giving) the collection would actually start to get out of hand a point

i imagine it going something like this:

"i got you another plushie"

"i don't have enough room for anymore"

"...i will get you a shelf for them"

he's so tall would love to pat you on the top of the head it would give him such smug satisfaction

tsukki would lightly tease you but would do it with such stars in his eyes that it could not even remotely be misinterpreted

like he'd say something like "you're such a dummy" but he'd have such an adoring look of love in his eyes you know that basically translate to "i am madly in love with you"

would be the very protective type and would verbally decimate anyone who made you uncomfortable

like you wouldn't even have to tell him he would just be able to tell from your body language and know immediately

in general pays very close attention you and would notice those little things abt u

the type of boyfriend that might, at first, struggle with communication but would put in an honest effort to improve

extremely respectful of any and all boundaries you have & would find it very easy to express affection in way that ur comfortable w/ because tbh he's not very big on physical touch either

very understanding even if he doesn't outright say it

a very show don't tell bf like you know he would do anything for u even if he doesn't say it frequently bc he just does it all the time

match up number two: shimizu kiyoko

would be the sweetest gf of all time :(((

also can be very shy but would be very comfortable around you

she would love nothing more than to participate in your hobbies with you

asks for tarot card readings and what books you're reading and would proudly wear any and all embroidery done by you and asks you to teach her ballet

her instagram would be filled with pics of you and your hobbies

def a words of affirmation gf; she might be shy at first but into the relationship would spare no detail in expressing her love & admiration

extremely well adjusted and emotionally mature so communication with her would be so easy, any (rare) mistake she made would be immediately owned up to and would do everything she could to make it up to you

knows that there are people who have crushes on her but is very clear abt her dedication and would never even consider doing anything to hurt ur feelings

very clear in her loyalty to u

would love to plan trips with you <3 would write out a whole itinerary of all of your favorite activities and does her research beforehand to make sure everything runs smoothly

would wear coordinating outfits with u on trips (best dressed partners on vacation tbh)

when ur comfortable with it would love to show affection in small ways like squeezing your hand or patting your head but primarily shows affection through genuine and thought out compliments

lots of little sweet dates getting little treats and coffee and ice cream; would love to try new things with you

being with you would make her feel emboldened to try new things and be a little different <3

match up number three: kita shinsuke

polite king tbh

most respectful man alive

would honest to god make you feel like you are royalty genuinely the most dedicated partner of all time

loves to watch your favorite shows with you and would listen to you talk about your hyperfixations eagerly

would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on everything and loves how much you love things

like you never have to worry about him making fun of you for the things that you like because he genuinely cares and loves to learn about the things u care abt

like if you were ranting abt something you love and got worried/insecure for whatever reason he would say "please keep going i want to hear more" and you'd just know he means it 100%

me tearing up bc i luv kita & he'd be such a good bf

does everything in his power to make you feel safe and comfortable at all times

very doting and loving

would let you take the lead in the relationship and would frequently ask you how you're feeling and what you need and is happy to adjust the way he would show affection to meet your comfort level

a little bit crazy like he's like oh you like plushies? let me learn how to make them for you

like he would absolutely learn how to crochet to handmake you gifts

every gift you would ever get him is like a priceless item and he either proudly displays them or he keeps them on him at all times

like if you got him a postcard from somewhere you travelled he would keep it in his wallet all the time

supports you in any and everything you do

bonus match up: akaashi keiji <3

hope you enjoyed !!!!

[doubledyke]

hey, i’ve read some of your writing and i really like it. do you have any tips?

aw dude that's really sweet. i'm really self conscious about everything i write so i appreciate hearing that. i'm still learning myself, so my advice is probably gonna be kind of obvious yet nebulous (much like my writing). oh and im not great at following my own advice, but we can ignore that.

first and foremost i'd say try to have fun. get weird with it. don't stress too much about it. it's supposed to be an enjoyable pastime, so write what YOU like, how you like. the "rules" of grammar and composition are helpful, but you're allowed to be a lot more lax with creative writing. i know i am 👀

in my humble opinion, you can never have too many details, even- or especially- oddly specific ones. personal experiences are a great way to inject some minutiae, and i enjoy the insight they provide into the author's perspective, background, thought process, etc.. there are infinite other tools at your disposal too. like the number of times i've found myself browsing ancient, niche forums just to confirm one insignificant bit of information is ridiculous.

don't be afraid to take your story as seriously or unseriously as you want. sometimes i'll be snapped out of focus with the thought of "am i really writing this rn" 😂 but i just try to remind myself that i'm (usually) having fun, i'm not hurting anyone and someone might even enjoy the final product.

for eene, try to listen to the voice acting as much as you watch the animation. and don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone when writing a character. i'm neither comfortable, nor very good at writing for ed, but i nutted up and gave it a shot recently and yeah it's nuclear level cringe but i suppose it can't get any worse, right? RIGHT???.... i love learning new words, so when i'm writing for edd (and in general) you know i keep that thesaurus tab open. with eddy, there's always room for more irreverence. i'm also one of those people that cannot help but drop almost every g when i write eddy. and it's just as important to get their idiolects down, which can be tricky. BUT that's mostly if your goal is to stay close to the source material, which is definitely not necessary. i'm just not a very creative person 😂

if you're in a rut, skip to another section, or hell even another chapter. the fic i'm working on rn was hatched from a simple premise several months ago, so i started at the end and have been building on that. an unconventional starting point can be really helpful when you're struggling to start at all. because i'm me, it's turned into a nightmare beast that i can't seem to contain, but i still have a general idea of where we're going and we'll get there eventually lmfao. to that point, outlines, bullet points, notes, etc. are all very useful.

take breaks, let her sit for a while. i'll write a whole bunch, leave, come back to review and be like girl what the hell is this. fresh eyes make a big difference! however, don't be like me and get too caught up in the weeds. i make compulsive little tweaks of my shit up to the point and even after i hit post. more often than not, it's more stress than it's worth. i just can't help it 🥴

and then of course, read other people's stuff. i'm not much of a fiction reader but i make exceptions for the sake of my hyper-fixation. it truly does help to see different perspectives and styles of writing. everyone has a unique voice that really comes through in creative writing, which i love. i've gleaned a lot from reading other people's work as well. i frequently come across new and creative ideas for changing up sentence structure, dialogue tags and narration by reading stuff from fellow fans.

aaaaaand yeah idk what else really. like i said, i'm not the best at writing but i think as long as you're getting your ideas across in the way that you want to, you're golden. anyone who makes shitty remarks about someone else's writing can sit and spin honestly.

[qwuilty]

Give more postal 1 hcs ?!?! Please :D

Im getting ready to head to bed soon but yknow what, hell yeah i can share some more:

I think Dude, in all universes really, would have absolutely grown up on public access television. It was cheaper, accessible, and always there, so it makes sense to me. P1 specifically i can see being a sesame street kid, his favorite being snuffy (for reasons that are totally not depressing relating to deep profound loneliness and a sense of disconnect from people i swear)

He has a pretty bad posture issue as well as almost constantly tense shoulders. Since hes fairly tall, hes gotten used to having his head tilted down leading to neck pains. Hes also just generally not great at taking care of his health and hygine which doesnt really help his case, either physically or socially since he's well. Kind of sweaty.

His eyesight isnt bad enough to NEED glasses all the time, but he does wear them when having to read small fonts and more blurry text. Due to aforementioned not really keeping up with his health, his glasses are probably way out of prescription now, but theyre so damn expensive, hes willing to take the slight migrane.

He has kind of a set up in his living room for camping out during bad nights, mainly being he has a pillow and blanket on his couch to sleep on and a cheap chair he dragged over to the table by his window to look out at whatever he percives as being out there. Usually to keep himself somewhat level headed or at least TRY to, he puts on a documentary or some nonsense fluff show on a lower volume. The news is an absolute no at this point though, too much doomspiraling and paranoia on top of already being paranoid.

Im usually kind of hesitant to assign like music headcanons cause it relies on my own taste vs others, but i generally agree with stuff like him liking NIN, Korn, i also think hes unironically a big Radiohead fan, he likes their sound. (Does not help that despite it being kind of a joked about song, i think creep is very fitting for him-)

He tries his best to be humble and not too needy, it's good virtues, but he cant help getting excited about praise and fixate on others words. He's the kind of guy who thinks all day about someone who said he did a good job in the morning, he does things mostly out of (or what he at least wants to come off as) a more selfless kindness and simply because he has to, but praise and adoration is something he wont say no to. And he will want more and more of it, so be prepared.

Physical closeness is something he's always struggled with, platonic or romantic. There's a feeling of a barrier between him and other people so he tends to sit a good distance away, not wanting to intrude upon others. Having someone go more into his space can disorient him, makes him pretty flustered to be even recognized as a living person too.

If someone breaks through to him, he may be a bit clingy at first, he didnt have much experience establishing proper boundaries so figuring out someone elses is another can of worms. He can be convinced to step back a bit and calm down, but even still, frankly the man is just absolute touchstarved. Touch drought for this man.

[quetzalpapalotl]

can you elaborate on “quote unquote poc artist”? im glad you’re sharing with people that kahlo wasn’t a good person, just got curious about that phrasing

I made that post in a moment of frustration because I saw something about how Frida hated white people and I'm just tired of the way foreigners (and even Mexicans) talk about her. I'm not trying to say Frida was the worst person to ever live or that you can't enjoy her as an artist and relate to her struggles, because there are far more deplorable artists hailed in the canon of art history. But just... you know, she's not a perfect feminist progressive icon and you shouldn't treat her as such if you don't understand the context she hails from. But really this is just more than just her. I will try t explain but keep in mind that I'm trying to summarize very complex matters that I'm not even used to talk about it in English and I'm only just one Mexican.

I feel like the term POC should not be aplied outside of the US. I mean, I'm not a Usamerican, I don't wanna say what terms minorities there should or shouldn't use. But from my perspective, the way gringos talk about this sort of stuff is oddly fixated on skin color and blood percentages which doesn't realli make sense to me and is a poor framework to speak about ethnical and racial issues here.

But people still apply them and that's US-centrism, generally, Usamericans are very bad at recognizing their own US-centrism or that in an international conext they do have privilege, or that being Usamerican is in itself an ethnic identity, but people treat it like it isn't and the US is devoid of culture because they think of US culture as default.

So, English colonizers in what's now the US didn't exactly mix with the Natives. "White people" in the US are descendants from those colonizers or immigrants from other European countries, there was always a clear distinction between them and Native Americans. Spanish colonies worked differently, pure-blood Spaniars were at the top, but eveyone was having children with everyone and that was a part of society to the point they had this whole system to name every combination of whether you come from a mix of Spaniard, Indigenous people, Black slaves or a mix of a mix. So nowadays, most of us have indigenous ancestry. Some have light skin, some have dark skin, colorism is still very much present. Frida's skin was on the lighter side and her dad was a German, is she a POC???

So the fact that most of us do have Indigenous Ancestry makes us feel uh, entitled to prehispanic culture, but really, blood doesn't make us Original People, that's more of an Ethnic matter, because there are still Original People that maintain their culture, or a version of it that has changed over the years since the Colonization. There are many groups with different names and traditions that are supposedly legally protected and are also heavily discriminated against. When someone like Frida dresses with a tehuana, she gets praised for "connecting with her roots", when a Zapoteca woman does it, she's mocked,

Mexicans are children of rape, as Octavio Paz desribed us, which is a complicated baseline to create a cultural idetintity. Our culture is a mix of what was here and what was imposed by the Spaniards, there's the tokenization of prehispanic cultures with a sense of entitlement, the fact that the Mexican identity is in large part a post-revolutionary manufacturation, there is the hatred and idolization of Europeans, the heavy colorism, the classism, the struggles of globalization, the neo-colonialims with the intervention of foreign capitalists, the gentrification due to foreigners coming here, and, of course, the Anglo/US cultural imperialism that erodes the culture inherinted from both the Indigenous and Spanish people.

There is a whole lot going on that I have neither the words or time to unpack, but I hope it makes you understand why it bothers me so much when Usamericans try to apply their frameworks here. I really don't have a point, I just want gringos to understand that they don't understand and that blood doesn't magically make you understand. I don't even know if this makes any sense.

Anyway, uh, please don't dress up as Frida Kahlo and her clothes are a marginalized culture's regular clothes and not a costume. If you wear traditional Mexican clothing make sure you're buying them from proper artisans and try to at least learn what culture they belong to.

[mbti-notes]

hi i’m an istj. i fear the problem im going to describe is resolved by being more Te proactive and taking on more leader responsibilities and failing. just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable. anyway i get involved with groups that align with my values to get things done but it always feels like i somehow join things that aren’t as efficient as i’d want them to be or stagnate. at the same time that i have strong opinions about what to do i resent having to take on more responsibility to enact it. i want to be part of an established, moral, process/group but it seems like everything is in flux all the time. just making sure: is this Te-Ne dysfunction ?

Your question is about type development. An important aspect of type development is understanding the weaknesses and flaws of your type, in terms of the ways that your type tends to misuse functions. You seem to believe that your problem boils down to a simple lack of desire to lead in group situations (weak Te?), but it probably goes far deeper than that.

Si-Ne problems often manifest as a general aversion to change, specifically, unwillingness to change how one looks at a situation, which would then significantly alter one's approach to it. Imbalance between Si and Ne becomes a very unhealthy stubbornness when one is also prone to Si-Fi loop that thinks in terms of pure absolutes. In essence, you believe what you believe and you want what you want, and nothing and nobody can break through that mental wall. Perhaps not even you.

Auxiliary development is meant to help with Si extremes and Si-Fi loop stubbornness by making you care more about empirical facts (Te) than your frustration (Fi). It isn't always easy to develop the auxiliary function when you come to believe that it interferes with what makes Si feel most comfortable (e.g. "just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable"). If using the auxiliary function feels so "tiring", it doesn't mean that you should avoid using it. Quite the contrary. It's an indication that you haven't yet learned to use it properly, which means further development is necessary.

Te wants efficiency, that much is true. However, what separates immature Te from mature Te is how exactly one conceptualizes "efficiency". When Te is immature, one has a very rudimentary understanding of how to be efficient. For example, one is likely to believe that efficiency is achieved through assertiveness or even brute force, i.e., "making" things happen despite all the obstacles in the way. Is it any wonder that using Te feels tiring, then? You're essentially forcing yourself to swim against the current. Si doms are painfully aware that their energy is finite, so they quickly run out of steam.

However, Te isn't really about mustering up energy. This is not what makes TJs smart, strong, and formidable. Mature Te conceptualizes efficiency as reducing the amount of energy required whenever possible, which is why they have a lot of energy to take on very heavy workloads - some people call it "working smart". This is done through facing the empirical facts of a situation head on and learning to work closely with them, which makes it far easier to make them work in your favor.

Your problem requires a two pronged attack:

Are you able to change how you look at situations in order to improve your approach (to address Si-Ne imbalance)?

Are you able to face the empirical facts of the situation and work with them rather than against them (to develop better use of Te)?

Wanting to be part of a process/group that aligns with your values in order to enact some good in the world is an admirable thing to strive for. Presumably, the other people involved in the group have the same sense of mission, otherwise, they wouldn't have joined. However, what you fail to take into account is that people aren't generally single-minded.

Human beings are complex because they are motivated by a multitude of factors, whether they realize it or not. They are full of psychological conflicts, contradictory desires, irrational impulses, old baggage, and unconscious bad habits. And when you bring people together, all that stuff comes out and creates complicated entanglements. A "group" only becomes a "team" when it is able to overcome those psychological obstacles together, and it can be a very long process of learning how to maximize strengths and mitigate weaknesses in every individual member. That's why a lot of groups simply fall apart. While your intention to join the group seems simple and straightforward (because Si-Te is admirable in its ability to keep things simple and straightforward), other people's intentions might not be so simple. If you fail to take into account the irrational aspects of human nature, you will cause yourself needless suffering.

Your frustration with people is likely a manifestation of your unrealistic expectations of them. Perhaps you aren't able to understand people who don't resemble you, let alone work with them. And you will certainly be doomed to fail if the only way Te knows to deal with individual differences is to force everyone to become more like you. That's an impossible task, not because it requires the energy of a thousand suns as you assume, but because you're choosing to fight against reality. Mature Te would advise that you should first face down the empirical facts of how people operate if you hope to discover the most effective way to influence them. Your repeated experience of feeling disenchanted with groups tells you that you're missing an important piece of knowledge about groups and how they operate.

I'll give you a very simple example from my own life. I used to gather with a group of 30-50 people once a week to conduct planned discussions. The discussions never really started on time despite everyone being in their seats because people weren't focused enough at the start of the session. There was often whispering and sidetalking and such that would go on for about half an hour before the room felt settled and focused.

One method of addressing the problem arose organically. Whoever was the main speaker simply started shushing people and it became a thing. Sometimes, it would even escalate to calling people out, like a teacher scolding a student in a classroom. This definitely made the social atmosphere less inviting and more tense. Sure, people would shut up after being called out, but they became less focused due to seething with resentment. Power struggles aren't great for group morale, especially if it's supposed to be a group of equals coming together for a common cause.

It all sounds quite childish, but these kinds of judgments are useless. You can call people childish, inefficient, incompetent, etc etc, but it doesn't solve the problem. And, worse, being judgmental blocks you from understanding people better and working with them. Perhaps an ISTJ would see this as a "mess", an "inefficiency" that wastes time, and evidence of bad character when people break the rules.

However, if you change the way you look at the situation, you might not be so quick to make such judgments. Actually, it's kind of weird for a bunch of people who know each other well to enter a room and immediately sit down quietly. Humans have a natural tendency to socialize as a way to strengthen interpersonal bonds. Isn't group cohesiveness a good thing, since it encourages better cooperation? If you are able to see the benefits of their chatty behavior and how it contributes to group cohesiveness, then instead of fighting against it, you would think of ways to harness it.

The real problem wasn't inefficiency; inefficiency was merely the symptom. The more primary problem was that a lot of people joined the group not just to "get things done", but also to make friends. The structure of the event denied them from fulfilling that important need and then they were more likely to act out. This problem was discovered when people had a chance to talk about what was frustrating them, which meant that the group had to make space to conduct some uncomfortable conversations.

To address the problem, the group eventually decided that the first 15 minutes would be devoted to socializing and allowing people to catch up, with the explicit promise to get down to business when the time was up. Some people brought drinks, others brought snacks. Some even showed up early to have more time to socialize. It enlivened people and enriched their relationships. Being "officially" allowed to get the chattiness out of their system, they were better able to sit down and focus on the planned agenda. The meeting felt like fun rather than a chore. And if you're interested in a cause, don't you want to recruit more people to support it? Making things more fun is one good way to attract support. You can look at it as wasting 15 minutes OR you can look at it as a 15 minute investment.

Solutions to human problems require:

cognitive empathy: figuring out what's really going on inside people's heads (in Te terms it means working only with the empirical facts of the situation, rather than indulging negative Fi judgments)

strategy: taking the time to work with people and figuring out the best way to help them get over obstacles (in Te terms it means investing energy early and wisely to maximize your returns later, rather than putting effort into the wrong places or only stepping in to tackle mere symptoms of the problem)

creativity: harnessing natural human tendencies to produce something useful or worthwhile (in Te terms in means taking what's already there and transforming it into a NET positive, rather than getting too fixated on every little negative detail and losing sight of the bigger picture)

Te can be a great function for dealing with human problems as long as you overcome the immature aspects of it, such as impatience, bluntness, or inflexibility. Every person is unique, so every group is different. Let go of the idea that there is only one way to approach a problem/conflict and you will start to be more creative in your approach. By accepting the fact that things are always in flux and using empirical evidence to understand and predict how change works, TJs become much more effective and efficient at everything they do. When it comes to people, meeting someone different from you is an opportunity to learn how to deal with that kind of person. The more knowledge you have of human psychology under your belt, the better you get at dealing with people's weird or negative tendencies. If a strategy works, use it again. If it doesn't work, adjust it to fit their psychology better.

In your situation, you see the problem as people being inefficient, so your inclination is to step forward and do something to "make" them more efficient. Humans aren't built with the prime directive to be efficient. They're not machines. Their psychology is messy, so trying to force them to behave like a machine is to force them to go against their psychology. In other words, you're choosing the least efficient approach. The more efficient approach, though it requires more intelligent thinking on your part (you want to become more intelligent, right?), is to properly understand the more primary problem of what's really causing them to be so inefficient in the first place. That is the way to discover the right strategy. If you are able to target those obstacles at the very root, efficiency improves more naturally.

Oftentimes, working smart doesn't require you to step up and be THE leader for everyone. As an introvert, it's probably more comfortable for you to work behind the scenes to talk to people, get a better idea of what they need and/or what problems they're experiencing, and incrementally remove the obstacles that are preventing them from focusing on what they should be focused on. You can't fix everything all at once, so just do what you can to fix what you are able to fix at any given point in time. It's a process and some progress is better than no progress.

[vsa-pieldepapel]

Your Kris grill post is very based. In honor of autism awareness day, do you have autistic headcanons for them and/or for any other Deltarune characters you hc as autistic? Like, the characters’ special interests, stims, etc? Go wild.

Only kris, really - ralseis social awkwardness gives me autist energy that can be funny to jest about but I pin it more on him being alone for most of his life. I like to think susie may have undiagnosed adhd, inspired by my husband who got his diagnosis this year (birds of a feather kek) and thats why her academic performance is so shit. I remember I made a very stupid drawing that does not reflect my actual takes on the characters about it as a joke lmfao

Okay disclaimer I grew up being an autist on a 3rd world country and many of the attitudes muricans on tumblr dot com have about it are alienating as fuck. I think the site romanticises and makes being an autist funny (not new, Ive been on tumbly since 2013 and saw it even pre dashcon), especially the teens and Its not. Especially when youre a girl and a tomboy like I am and you could cover it up just well enough No one can figure how fucked up you are, but not well enough to ever be respected by teachers or peers as an equal kek. I don’t like to share my history with it but it is for the most part very negative and self acceptance a struggle So im sorry, Ralsei^2 this answer may not be happy or generally positive- I’m in therapy to assess these things about myself but they are open wounds as of now

So. Kris

I’ve said in some kriselle post I see kris as xx chromosome/afab/whatever the socially accepted term is (I cant keep up with these language changes and policies because oh shit, imma fucking autist, that on top of that doesn’t even live near the same cultural context as the USA lmao) that is, in part, because of that too. My takes on it are rather simple

-kris is seen as the town weirdo because of their unusual behaviour and demeanour associated with being on the spectrum

-the little quirks like the spinning/jiggle jiggle/ball of junk/overt gestures when ACTing/putting stuff on the ground and patting it when you drop it/ etc are overcompensation for this aka kris is a bit of a social clown to compensate for their social deficits (real)

-toriel is kind of a tiger mom but kris can cover up their weirdness well enough they’re seen as “quirky” instead of anyone ever thinking to look into it (projecting there hard lmao) which is also why alphys tries to emphasise they’re “normal”

-the reason kris rarely talks or is said to be quiet (in canon, I make them talk lmao) is because they go mute under certain circumstances and generally suck at verbal communication

-has a fixation with knives and, on a wider spectrum, with smithing/metalwork

-likes bath bombs because of the smell and warm water

-noelle confides her own quirks with them because she just sees them as “quirky” but that gives her the confidence to

-susie and kris become such good friends in one day because autism/adhd solidarity that I have experienced myself irl (kinda crack headcanon here)

That’s it really. This ask was so hard to answer and I feel very cringey and afraid posting it but oh well autism awareness day etc etc if it gets too bad ill just delete the post

[dog-teeth]

i don't know if you've answered this already, but how did you know that you were enby and not just a masculine cis person ( i'm very sorry if this sounds offensive, i don't know how to word it )? i've been questioning my gender lately and this is just a question that keeps popping up to me. also i love your art, hope you have a lovely day!

hiii thank you basically i just didnt want to be a girl and didnt feel like a girl, it wasn’t a matter of how masc/fem i am, i didn’t want to be seen as female at all, even if it was in a very masculine way. basically as soon as i found out that there was genders other than male and female i knew that was me, i’ve never ever felt comfortable being a girl, i just didnt know it was something i had control over and could change. being autistic, gender never really made sense to me in the first place, like other social norms it always seemed forced and fake and unreasonable. so i was a very gender nonconforming child and as soon as i learned i could be more than gnc and actually be a different gender, i knew i wanted to. when looking to the future, i do not want to grow up and be a woman, or a man. it was pretty straightforward for me to realize i’m nonbinary, though i still struggled for seven years after that and i still struggle with it, though im in a much better place now after figuring out im bi & genderfluid + physically transitioning and just spending more time being myself.

in general though, i don’t find it helpful to ask “what am i?” when trying to figure this stuff out, instead its better to ask “what do i want? what will make me happy? what would i be like ideally, if i could choose a gender and presentation at will?” and just experiment w your presentation and labels. if you want to be cis and be gender nonconforming thats fine, u can dress however u want and use whatever pronouns u want. if you want to be nonbinary u can be nonbinary, there is no other requirements.

if you’re questioning, my general advice is to not fixate too much on labels, since no ones experiences are 100% encapsulated by labels, they’re just words, and humans are more complicated than that. everyone experiences gender differently. instead, focus on thinking about what you would like to change, who you want to be, and how you feel about your current gender + other genders. if you end up being cis thats fine it’s better to try out new things and realize they aren’t for you than to never try at all. you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by playing around with ur identity!

the lines between gender nonconformity and transness are extremely thin and blurred and often overlap. trying to distinguish the two is messy and often impossible. only recently did all these neat lines become draw, i was watching an interview with leslie feinberg and kate bornstein where zie defined transgender in a similar way to what we would call gender nonconformity now, not as identifying as a different gender, but instead as disrupting gender norms in any capacity. just remember its all fake and malleable and just try to focus on making yourself happy and comfortable.

i hope something in this was helpful sry its just kind of a rant.

[pochapal]

As a fellow pokespe-to-homestuck-pipeline bitch, I need to know: how do you classpect the dexholders?

this is a question which has haunted me for years because despite being fuck deep in homestuck i Just Don't Know.....a lot of the dexholders don't interact with the world or express themselves in a way that easily maps onto the classpect system. i have a few rudimentary ideas but some of them are just total blanks. but i will endeavour regardless.

(long post, you have been warned)

for the kanto kids: i have no idea on red and green. im sorry these two elude me no matter how much i think. green has some elements of the prince archetype but other than that it's just ?????? i'll try to pin them down but they'll be my weakest guesses.

red could be an heir of life - heir is like THE basic shonen protag power growth arc, and life in that red is associated a lot with the fucked up genetic abominations in kanto, and ultimately helps to molecularly stabilise his eevee, which are all in the wheelhouse of life

green i think i'll say prince of mind - prince in the self assured position of power he occupies and his tendency to disregard/destroy things without hesitation, mind in that he is very fixated on abusing his enhanced tactical knowledge to always be two steps ahead of red, and the two synthesise nicely into a strategic blindspot that costs him his victory that forces him to rethink and actually care about others.

yellow i lean towards sylph of heart - obviously a nonaggressive healer, but also there is So Much Identity Stuff swirling around her that can't be ignored

blue i am tentatively saying thief of blood - thief in that she takes things for herself and has the classic thief trait of being repeatedly humiliated and punished by the universe for responding to abusive circumstances that aren't her fault, and blood in that everything she takes is for the sole purpose of generating bonds with those she loves and cares about (silver, her parents, etc)

similarly but differently i think silver is a rogue of blood as a counterpart to blue - he's driven by that same desire to seek out his closest bonds but his ethical transgressions more greatly benefit those around him (stealing the badges to gain entry to the league to assist the others in stopping the masked man, taking giovanni's book and bestowing it to green at the end of frlg)

gold is probably a knight of light - knight definitely in that he is tied up in an uneasy struggle with the hero's call and whether or not to embrace it or reject it, but through and through he is drawn to try his hardest to protect others. light because that kid gets so many lucky breaks (hatching pichu's egg at the critical moment) and also makes so many lucky breaks happen to others (his dumb police poster keeping silver from being found out and caught).

crystal is a mage of space - mage in that she receives an effortless boon of knowledge that she takes for granted until a disabling injury forces her to reassess her relationship to her abilities, and space in that she is very good with finding physical places to locate pokemon and has excellent unconventional control of the physics of handling objects in 3d space (ie her pokeball throwing game is godlike). also space-like in that she is frequently alone and isolated from her friends and often comes in clutch from behind the scenes to save the day (her role in the emerald arc).

ruby i am slightly less certain of because while he does have clear classpectable qualities - running away from himself and his power until being forced to embrace it, viewing the world and presenting himself through a shallow selfish superficial lens until, again, that all gets stripped away and he's forced to confront how he's really felt all along - i can't map it as easily. first instinct says something like knight of heart (creating a false self to put forward while running away from the true self and rejecting the desire to help others despite being very good at that) but his hero's journey isn't very knight-ish, so i'm also thinking something like prince (in that princes have the ultimatum of self-reflect or perish) but that's Literally Dirk Strider and ruby is not a dirk-esque character. so then maybe something like maid might fit (bound in service to the worst parts of his aspect, then breaks free to the boon of immense power and actualisation) so i think yeah. MAYBE maid of heart but this is on unsteady ground.

sapphire meanwhile is easier to class but less easy to aspect - she's obviously a witch in that she's very easily attuned to her abilities and has the Universal Witch Trait of being stepped all over by the ones she cares about at one time or another, but aspect is harder. i think breath is a pretty good fit given her tendency to go with the flow and follow her desires without second thought (her decision to do the gym challenge), and also breath in that she's susceptible to manipulation attempts (see when she almost mistakenly ends up picking a side in the aqua/magma debate) due to an inherent propensity to not be a bitter skeptic. so yeah witch of breath fits nicely.

emerald...hm. everything about him is a lie and/or a joke, and he's actually quite cruelly focused on the battle frontier at the cost of everything else before eventually getting over himself. so i think terribly enough bard isn't the worst class fit for him (person we laugh at who also has a callous streak) but in terms of aspect...perhaps doom, because he doesn't take a single thing seriously until it's too late he almost allows a pretty bad mass death event to unfold and because doom is also tied with the laws and rules of reality and bard is about fucking up these things (see how he both adheres to and makes fun of the battle frontier's rigidity). plus as a neat bonus jirachi's main power is called doom desire so it's a nice symmetry.

sinnoh is gonna be shakier because i'm not done with the arc and am just getting to the real character development stuff, but i think diamond is likely a page of space. page in that he is the slowest to get off the ground in terms of heroism but is on track to reach greater heights than maybe any other dexholder, space because despite his namesake being the game revolving around the pokemon that is the god of time, dia is uncannily good with the manipulation of physical matter (his cooking being always perfect, and his ability to come up with an execute the mach razor leaf) and also he has the space player trait of A Chronic Fear Of Ending Up Alone that gets fulfilled because the universe is cruel and horrible.

pearl i'm thinking is a mage of mind, mage in that like crystal he is benefitting from an innate source of tactical knowledge that he's taking for granted, and mind in that everything revolves around strategy and seeing one step ahead (his ability to call out pokemon moves in advance). obviously then what is going to happen is there's going to come a point where pearl's knowledge is gonna run out and it's gonna bite him hard, forcing him to re-evaluate and retrain his abilities with a heightened conscious awareness this time. the aftermath of the galactic bomb is going to be a very fun one i think.

platinum is probably a maid of void. maid in that she is in service to the less pleasant parts of her aspect, and void in that she lies a lot, keeps secrets and obfuscates who she really is, and also has a desire to seek out previously unknown information. i think this was shown in the canalave arc where she'd spent so long upholding the enigmatic aloof rich girl act despite it being kind of a terrible person and it all fell apart when the veil was ripped away, forcing her to shift from concealing herself from others to uncovering what is concealed to her (ie the uxie memory, and all the stuff she excitedly discovered on the journey). once she's self-actualised for good platinum will i think be super cool and competent in ways beyond what she is now. i am excited for that.

so in conclusion:

red - heir of life

green - prince of mind

blue - thief of blood

yellow - sylph of heart

gold - knight of light

silver - rogue of blood

crystal - mage of space

ruby - maid of heart

sapphire - witch of breath

emerald - bard of doom

diamond - page of space

pearl - mage of mind

platinum - maid of void

i can't speak on the unova dexholders and beyond because i have not read those arcs yet but i might revisit this again once i get through those. sorry this is so long but i have many thoughts!

[sugabeaniee]

𝓢𝓶𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓔𝓼𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓸

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: Akaashi Keiji x gn!reader

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: pure fluff 

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: You find a picturesque cafe on your way to class, not knowing that you’d soon become the baristas favorite regular. 

They smelled of freshly ground espresso. The scent that wafts through the air as you grind, tamp, and then brew immediately. They were the perfect blend of attributes that suited your palate.

Your run-ins began as mere interactions between a cashier and customer. You’d often run by the quaint café on the corner on your way to class, never giving it much thought. However, on the odd day that you happened to be running a bit early, you decided to test your luck and try the snug café out. The café itself was modest yet charming, maple wood lining almost every feature. It was as if you had been transported to a foreign country in the span of a second, and you questioned how you had never noticed such a café before. Hues of emerald and butterscotch danced around, leaving their mark throughout the establishment. Crystal vases full of daisies, fox glove, and buttercups littered the tables, refracting miniature rainbows as the sun hit them in just the perfect angle.

You slowly made your way up to the counter, admiring the display of pastries and breads that were for sale. You weren’t sure of what to order, nor did you want to waste your time eyeing the menu, so when you reached the cashier you merely asked them to decide for you.

“Can you give me your favorite drink? Hot or iced, it doesn’t matter!” You chirped.

The soft-spoken, raven-like cashier simply nodded a yes before giving you your total price. You quickly paid the bill, struggling to hurriedly get the cash out of your wallet. “You can keep the change!” You muttered in fear of keeping up the line trying to put the spare money back into your bulky wallet. You checked your watch, 15 minutes until class. You were grateful that you still had plenty of time and were able to get some caffeine to go.

Patiently clasping your hands in front of your body you turned back to observe the cashier whom you spoke to just moments ago. You allowed your eyes to roam his visage. He had charcoal, tufted hair that fell a bit messily, and sharp features with malachite eyes. You hadn’t been able to get a good look at him as you had been anxiously rushing to let the next person in line go, however, now that you were a bit calmer, you could definitely tell he was handsome.

You were snapped out of your daze and back to reality once you heard your name being called. You quickly grabbed the cup and briskly walked out of the café. Still 10 minutes until class you thought, picking up your pace into a light jog. Your university wasn’t far by any means, but you were a notorious slow walker and thus always had to half-jog to class in order to make it on time. You took a quick sip out of your drink, slightly burning the tip of your tongue. You winced, but as the pain wore off you nodded in approval of his drink choice. Hmm.. flat white. He has unexpectedly good taste.

The following interactions between the two of you continued similarly. You would stop by the café more frequently, slowly but surely becoming a bit of a regular. The raven-like cashier wasn’t always present, yet you attributed that to your odd schedule. You didn’t have a set time to visit the café, rather you stopped by when you had a second in your schedule. You oftentimes also used it as a place to study, finding it to be quite inviting and pleasant. Soft classics would often flow through the speakers and would blend with the irreplaceable sounds of the espresso being brewed or the milk being frothed, harmonizing into a calming lull. It had become a bit of a habit to allow the raven-haired cashier to pick your drink, appreciating the lack of decision. As your visits became more frequent, he had begun to pre-select a drink of the day for you, finding a bit of excitement in choosing a new drink for you to try. He’d begin to ask what you thought of the drink that day, making a mental note if you happened to dislike a specific drink. Even though your visits had become almost daily at this point, you never seemed to remember to ask the cashier his name. However, by now he definitely knew yours.

Akaashi would often await your arrival, his eyes lighting up whenever he saw you round the corner and walk towards the shop through the shop windows. His part-time job was never truly exciting until you came into view. He was so used to the monotone hum of his daily chores, everything became second nature and he often thoughtlessly ran through the motions of the day. However, when you became a regular his life seemed to achieve a golden hue. Everything seemed brighter and more intriguing. Akaashi wasn’t the most experienced barista, thus he would spend hours researching different recipes in order to always bring you a new drink. In his spare time he would practice creating new drinks, giving his co-workers the job of judging the taste.

Although making the new drinks was entertaining, Akaashi’s favorite thing was when you would stay to study. You encounters were often brief, so when you decided to sit down for a few hours he would often memorize your every detail. His co-workers would tease him for staring but he could honestly care less what they thought. To Akaashi you were tantalizing and ethereal. He didn’t know much about you other than your name and his assumption that you were enrolled in the university close by. However, the mystery made it that much more appealing. He enjoyed watching your pencil glide across your papers as you took notes on your most recent assignment, or the way you often got frustrated when a reading passage and having to re-read it several times. At times you would doze off, your head resting against your palm and nodding as you tried not to succumb to the tiredness. As much as Akaashi would love to watch you nod off, he knew you would most likely beat yourself up if you lost precious studying time, or so it seemed from the pile of assignments littered across the table. He’d make you a second drink on the house and quietly place it on your table, careful to not startle you. You’d often wake up at the sudden movement near you, a rosy flush scattering across your cheeks as you noticed he’d left you yet another drink.

You weren’t sure how long this went on. The café on the corner seemed like a second home at this point, most of the workers now knowing you by name. You seemed to slowly figure out the raven-haired barista’s schedule, making a point to stop by when you were sure he was there. You weren’t quite sure why or how your attraction to him began, yet who could blame you for being attracted to such a beautiful young man. Often times you would muster up the courage to ask for his name, but soon be interrupted by the next customer in line or one of his co-workers. Perhaps the world thinks our lives shouldn’t cross paths you thought, giving up on pursuing anything further. You sat down to study at your usual table, pulling out your notebooks and assignments. You quickly got to work, falling into a studious spell. Hours later you were brought back to existence by the rattle of a mug hitting against a ceramic saucer. Your raven-haired barista slid the drink across the table with a small grin. You muttered a quick thank you before continuing back to your studies, however, a melodic voice broke your concentration.

“I’m not sure if this is overstepping your boundaries, but I’d like to ask if you’d join me for dinner sometime?” He asked shyly.

As always, a blush bloomed across your face, this time rising to the tips of your ears. You were surprised that he spoke to you, much more that he seemed to be asking you out on a date. You were sure that your fixation was one-sided, however that was far from the truth. You mustered up all the courage in you in order to reply to the good-looking man in front of you.

“Shouldn’t I at least know your name first before I let you take me out?” You countered.

“Akaashi. Akaashi Keiji.”

a/n: ahh this is a bit of a self-indulgent drabble. I’ve had this idea for a while, but never got to writing it. I’ve been studying for about 9 hours straight today and I’m so mentally tired, but I really wanted to write this for some reason so here ya go! I hope y’all like it (it’s also late at night so im sorry for any mistakes >.<) Let me know if you guys would like a general taglist! I plan on writing more drabbles like these in between updating my smaus and whatnot. 

[warmau]

ghost hunting w mark .?

★ ghost hunting!au mark lee | other nct aus

when people talk about fun places, you’re sure they don’t list haunted amusement parks as one of their go-to picks

that is - you don’t think a haunted amusement park is anyone's go-to pick in general for anything

but you are ecstatic about the fact that you’re finally getting to go to one

if one because you love amusement parks and also.............any place that might have ghosts

which is why you’ve taken up vlogging about these spooky encounters, ghost adventures was going to end up having nothing on you if everything went well

mark lee, your best friend and designated camera man for this adventure, is the total opposite

“listen - isn’t this considered trespassing?”

he asks, voice shaking and camcorder shaking too, as you two slip through a small opening in the large gates leading to the park which have now grown over with moss

the only reason mark even agreed to come with you is because the camcorder is his dads..........and trusting you alone with technology is..........well..........

“not really, it doesnt say private property keep out anywhere!”

“yes it does, we passed a sign when we were-”

you wave your hand around as if to dismiss the legitimate claim he’s making 

instead you look around at the broken down rides and abandoned roller coasters

the peeling paint on some of the plastic figures of animals that are strewn around and the rolling pieces of garbage that signify that people did once come around here to enjoy themselves

now it’s just .......empty........slowly being reclaimed by nature and-

“ghosts! ghosts mark, im sure someone has had an freak accident here and is now roaming around seeking revenge!”

you say it with such cheer in your voice, but poor mark pales at the thought

you start to scope out a good place to film and end up pointing straight at a huge, heart shaped tunnel

“lovers lane! imagine if a couple went in there years ago and never went back out - and if we go in there we can meet them and they’ll-”

“try to kill us?”

mark finishes your sentence and you pout, “no! they’ll tell us their story and we can lament their woos together - now lets go!”

you grab mark’s hand, pulling him toward the dingy looking ride and although the situation is one that mark wishes so desperately he wasnt in

the warmth of your palm in his makes up for it

but

as soon as you manage to hop over the broken chain, moving deeper and deeper into the tunnel

mark starts to rethink that

because of course he likes you, but does he like you enough to go ahead and get himself dragged into the underworld by angry spirits well-

“mark? are you coming? if not, you can wait out there by yourself!”

on second thought, he rushes in right after you - nearly tripping on himself and bumping into your back

you turn, steadying him and your touch again makes this whole bizarre thing seem a little more ok

“im ok!”

he says, happy that the near pitch black darkness hides any goofy expression he might be making

but for some odd reason, you’re not saying anything back

he can still feel your hands steady on his shoulders - you aren’t letting him go

in fact, he thinks you might actually be gripping him pretty hard

“hey-”

he starts and you, who is staring behind mark 

over his head at the long and frightening shadow behind him

it’s white and glowing and its eyes are deranged, long hair whipping around its face as if to hide what it truly looks like

swallows

“are you ok, whats wrong?”

he asks again, lifting the camcorder and using the light from the recording flash to try and read your expression

mark registers your shock too late, as the shadow from behind him - pushes him hard against you

you tumble over, feeling your feet catch on the edge of the side of the tunnel

you think you’re going to hit the gross, murky water but instead you fall hard into one of the boats thats been docked there for god knows how long

and mark topples in right after you

the camcorder gets flung from his hand as he braces himself as to not squash you and just as he manages to steady his fall 

hands blistering where his palms hit the old wood of the boat

the tunnel lights up and you hear a long, scratchy laugh echo through

the lights are pink and flashing on and off, something somewhere is still laughing and you look up into mark’s terrified eyes as he hovers over you

“c’mon new lovers, won’t you stay and take a trip down the lane?”

you scream and as does mark, struggling to get back up and then outstretching his hand to help you two

without thinking, you push yourself directly into his chest and yell that you two need to run. now!

the voice returns and you swear you feel something try to tug on the back of your shirt. mark feels it too.

“where are you going? you two can’t leave without professing your feelings!”

he hops out of the boat and tugs you after him as you two try to scurry back toward the entrance

marks hand is clutching yours, even though you’re both sweating with anxiousness and fear

just as you two make it to what looks like the outside, the shadow appears again

this time you do see its face - a long slit mouth and cracked, scaled skin

“no no, you can’t leave. go back inside, take a trip with me! spend the rest of your life in a tunnel of love!”

it lifts its hand and you think its going to slam it down, claws dripping of something red are about to dig into mark

when you remember what this thing had said before

profess your feelings?

you close your eyes and shout

“i love mark lee!”

the shadow fixates its deranged glare on you - then lifts its hand again

oh no did it not work?!?!

but mark seems to have caught onto your train of thought, even panicked out of his mind, he yells back his confession

that he loves you

and the shadow which looked so real and scary is gone in a cloud of smoke

the flickering pink lights dull into that darkness again and you and mark fall out of the entrance, which when you turn back has changed from the heart shaped lovers lane into a pile of old racing go-carts

you look at mark and he nods

still holding hands, you two get the hell out of there

only to realize hours later when you’re sitting together in disbelief on the floor of your bedroom

that one) mark’s dad is gonna kill him for losing that camcorder

and two) those confessions you both yelled back there

kinda sounded real

past the fact you were doing it to save yourselves from a huge, ugly apparition

“so-”

you look and see mark shyly scratching the back of his neck

“how about we pick a place that isn’t haunted for our first date?”

mark breathes a sigh of relief 

“im so happy you said that.”

[mxndwitch]

Small life update under the cut

hello my loves, i feel the need to give you a small life update, because it will most likely affect my reply speed and general social activity on here, so:

My mental health has gone down the drain lately and I am not entirely sure WHY this has started so suddenly, but I’ve struggled with depression for the better part of a month now. I have no motivation to even leave my bed most days and often I just - don’t. I’ve been stuck at home for over 7 months now, because work had to close in October when our lockdown started with no perspective to going back any time soon. Yes, I work a mini job from home, but that’s just 10h a week and doesn’t help with the feeling that I have no life anymore. I have literally no social contacts outside the internet 90% of the time and have noticed a severe increase in my anxiety as well. On top of that, my boyfriend moved 2 weeks ago for a new job and kinda broke things off between us tonight so - love that for me xD

Anyway, the reason why I am saying all this: Please excuse me if I take longer to reply currently, or don’t react to IMs in a timely manner. I feel like I need to make some changes to help with my mental health and reducing my online times is one of those steps. So I might utilize the queue more now and be a bit more reluctant to start new things, just until I feel like I’m not drowning anymore. I might also do the exact opposite of this xD bc I like to hyper fixate on my fictional worlds, when the real world is falling apart xD so we’ll see. It’s also possible I’ll be more selective in who I reply to, just to keep my muse alive and do what sparks joy for me in that moment. Either way, please be a bit more patient with me than usual.  I love you all <33