#also it's december now and somehow it made me think what the heck happened this year

[atsu-i]

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[ithinkyourehuman]

2022: In Review

It may be too early to review the year; but to heck with it, Spotify was Wrapped at the start of December and everyone’s still happy about it!

In contrast to what people expect: 2022 was definitely not 2020 too- at least for me. Here are several new points that I learnt so hard the past year:

1. Carpe diem I was a crazy hustler as a university student. I tried to achieve as much as possible, neglecting my utmost important duty as a student. I focused on a lot of extracurricular instead. Every minute matters to me. Heck, I even count how many minutes I took to climb the stairs at every uni building! Unfortunately, this raging lifestyle lasts even after college. With a lot of friendship circles I gathered through college, I revisit my friends almost every week, I attended a gig almost every month. All for the sake of not disappointing my friends and looking forward to fun surprises and moments I may be able to create with my friends. It keeps on happening until this guy came and taught me a very valuable lesson: carpe diem. You can enjoy life. You do not have to rush. That guy made me sit and talk about a lot of things in a lot of hours. Time passed by and I sit still. There was not one second that I wanted it to end. At first, I was confused. I wanted to fight the instinct! It was all angry but happy but warm but nonsense at the same time. The process was so painful that I had to visit a doctor cause I had endless gastritis for the whole month. (P.S. This guy is now on a great relationship with my friend. I’m so happy that he found someone who could cater his need. I’m also grateful that I knew now why God let him enter my life - it was all for a good reason afterall!). Before I me this guy, I thought ‘living in the moment’ means that you enjoy every activity that you create. Today, my take on ‘living in the moment’ was to enjoy the process. This past month (ever since the hurtful gojek hike xD), I’ve been taking bus going back and forth to work. The time I spend walking to the bus stop, the time I spend waiting for the bus, the time I spend at the bus, the time I spend walking home. It took me twice the time I could’ve saved if I was riding a personal vehicle/gojek, but I find joy in that. In commuting. In seeing a glimpse of other people’s life passing by. In spending time thinking about nothing while the bus slowly - but carefully - drop me to the nearest stop from home. The low fee, the convenience, and the time privilege was all worth it - public transport somehow made me feel so alive.

Which brings us to the second point. 2. (I think) I listen better now. Before I become a part of my current office, I take conversations for granted. I will talk to you if there’s a curiosity I need you to answer. Look, I empathize with you, I take notes on your life updates, but unfortunately I need to spend my time ‘wisely’ to something else more productive than just talking to a friend.

Boy.. was I wrong. Until this day, I still don’t enjoy talking very much. Especially to people who - I don’t think - genuinely cares about me (I think I have a trauma on this). But in office, you need to build connections. You need to build a sense of closeness.. and you can’t really close your eyes (ears, to be exact) because you wouldn’t know what surprises would come from your conversation partner!

My favorite part is to make them talk about themselves. It’s so good that you can continue the conversation without having you to spill part about yourselves that you’re not comfortable on. Occasionally, one or two facts about you would be necessary to create a delusion of closeness (a person with high ego who only needs to be listened to won’t need this :D) - just for the sake of it.

3. You have to feel better too. Not everyone is born cold-hearted like me. Not everyone was educated to be able to say what’s on their mind instantly. Some people can’t say what they wanted to say and it’s not their fault. Maybe the timing wasn’t right, maybe the situation does not ‘feel like it’, maybe there’s other concerns you can’t guess.. maybe it’s you.

But you don’t need to worry. If the information it’s meant for you, it will make its way through.

Happy holidays.

[stealingpotatoes]

Trying to Explain the Desmond (sorta) Lives AU: Part 2

(part one)

(hi I’m back and I was bothered to write more explanation. bla bla sorry for the mess also this bit was acccidentally lengthy and 2.5k words, whoops)

> > > >

Shaun and Rebecca more-or-less knew they were going to find Desmond. They more-or-less knew they were going to see him. They more-or-less knew that he was going to be all glowing like he was in the footage. This being said, they weren’t really prepared for um… any of that to actually happen. 

Desmond is standing here, he is talking. He is moving.  Alive. Shaun and Becs are across from him, silent and dumbfounded at the sight of their long-dead friend. 

(I need you, my darling reader, to think of the most confused and shocked you’ve ever been in your life, and then bap, you’ve more or less got what’s going on in this room tbh.)

“Desmond?” Shaun finally asks in shock. 

“...yeah?” Desmond answers, obviously very confused at Shaun’s tone. 

“Holy shit,” whispers Rebecca. 

“What happened? We were in the Temple and- and then suddenly I’m here and I’ve got… these?” He gestures vaguely to himself-- the Isu markings.

What he said is enough to sort-of snap the duo out of their shock enough. “What?”

“Yeah, what?” Des agrees.  

“No, no. The temple-- 2012… that was six years ago. And you...” Rebecca says (still looking at Des with an expression that can only be described as ‘what in the genuine fuck’). 

Shaun and Rebecca wouldn’t have even noticed Galina coming up behind them if it hadn’t been for Desmond’s slight shift into near ready-to-fight, tho he relaxes after a second (his eagle vision’s still there and says she’s an ally). 

Shaun and Becs manage to take their eyes off Desmond for long enough to glance back at Galina, who’s come to find them. 

“You were not replying on your comms--” Galina stops and takes a proper look at the man behind them. “Oh. He does not look dead.” Then back at Shaun & Becs; “We all need to go.”  

Desmond is somehow even more confused than he was earlier. “Why would I look dead? And-- who are you?” 

Shaun has manners, even in very confusing situations; “This is Galina. She’s an Assassin. And Galina, meet… Desmond Miles.” (audible question marks) 

Shaun and Rebecca share an awkward glance. “We’ll explain everything when we get to safety?” Becs says, though she’s really not sure how they are going to explain, or what they’re even going to explain.  

The two random assassins who don’t have names also came out of the fight fairly unhurt and meet up with the rest of them. They’re pretty weirded out to see a person with glowy lines on his face, and have heard of Desmond Miles’ death. However they’re obviously not as weirded out to see him alive because they just didn’t know him. They’re probably doing the best here lol. 

Galina’s pretty confused but she’s become very good at compartmentalising over the years, so isn’t dwelling on things right now. 

Shaun and Rebecca are-- okay, to say Shaun and Becs are “dealing” with this is definitely the wrong word. They’re moving forward like Assassins should, while trying to comprehend that Desmond is right there… and also trying not to look at him too wide-eyed and shocked.  To them, everything feels like it’s going way too fast and way too slow all at once.

The trio and Galina all get into a van and head out of there, not planning on waiting for more Abstergos. 

//

They reach an old Assassin safehouse outside of the city after a very Odd drive. The two unnamed Assassins stayed in the city to keep investigating and keep up their work before, so now it’s just Shaun, Becs & Desmond in the safehouse with Galina on watch outside. 

They get in, make sure they’re safe -- protocol stuff. But Des really needs some answers. Like right now.

“What happened?” Desmond asks. This time it’s very serious, and you can almost feel the hundreds of years of killers’ lives he’s lived behind his voice. 

Shaun and Becs share yet another look. The disbelief hasn’t worn off at all, but they’re, as I said, moving forward. “What’s the last thing you remember?” Shaun asks. 

It quickly comes to light that Desmond has no memory of what happened after touching the Eye-orb-thing in the Temple. It’s just “a helluva lot of pain” in December 2012 and then boom, waking up in the middle of a city (shut, i know i still haven’t thought where), in October 2018. He also can’t recall bursting out of that Abstergo facility either -- his memory seems to start from where the weird glowing-eyes-and-apple-light thing he had going on stopped. 

“But the Temple was six years ago?” Desmond quietly half-asks, half-states. 

“Yeah...” says Rebecca. 

“Then where have I been for that time.” 

“You died.”

“What?!”

Shaun takes over; “Or at least, we thought you died. In 2012, we got clear from the Temple as you told us to. But then Abstergo, they--” (how on earth do you say this) “They got there before we could. They took your body and...” 

“But obviously you didn’t die because you’re here.” Becs gestures at Des. 

“Right,” Shaun agrees unsurely.

Des nods slowly, trying to take this all in. “But that doesn’t explain… all this.” he gestures to the Isu markings on his face. “Or what I can do.” 

“Do you know what you can do?” Becs asks. She and Shaun don’t really know what was happening w Des’ whole abilities thing at ALL because they only saw a small bit recorded.

Des shrugs, but then unzips the definitely-stolen-hoodie a bit and pulls the opening to the side so his bare collarbone is on show. “I got shot when I… when I woke up.” Rebecca makes yet another confused expression. “There’s nothing there?” She’s right; there’s no wound, no blood there. Not even a scar.

“Exactly.” 

“Oh.” 

“I heal faster, I know that. And--”

“What’s that?” Shaun numbly gestures to his own chest where a scar starts on Desmond’s. It’s not like either of them have seen Des shirtless much at all before, but that wasn’t there in 2012, they’re pretty sure. 

Des looks down then unzips the hoodie a bit more and oh. 

Shaun and Becs didn’t notice that on the security footage. Tbh Desmond barely noticed it, too busy looking at the glowiness. But that’s an autopsy scar. Des has an autopsy scar. That’s...

Desmond zips his hoodie back up, but everyone in the room is Very Confused. 

This is even more question-mark-inducing and raises about a billion questions; Did they do an autopsy on an alive person (for the sake of taunting the assassins)? Shaun and Becs wouldn’t put it past Abstergo; the Templars are messed up like that. 

Or… did Desmond genuinely die? And did Abstergo… bring him back somehow? 

Either way, Shaun’s mentally decided the “weird Isu clone of Desmond” idea is probably wrong because why would they autopsy a clone of a dead man?? makes no sense.  

There’s more long pauses of bewilderment before Rebecca makes the very good suggestion that they all have something to eat. So yeah, they eat, they’re chatting. It’s mostly basic stuff. They should definitely have all had medical checkups first, but they’re all very much too confused and in shock to do like… anything. 

It’s a bit awkward at one point (more awkward than the ENTIRE ordeal of seeing your dead friend again has been) because Shaun catches himself before telling Des a part of a story that involves secret Assassin crap and stops awkwardly. 

Desmond seems to catch on, and he’s like “I get it. Abstergo might have done something to me.” Made him a mole or a sleeper agent like Daniel Cross. 

Shaun and Becs feel really bad, but Desmond’s got this weird air of resignation about him. He understands. He knows he might be all messed up and controlled by Abstergo. That being said, the general resignation might just be pure shock at everything. A Lot Has Happened to him in a Very Short Span of Time (to him). 

They continue on chatting, mostly inane shit. Desmond asks if his parents are… still around. Shaun and Becs assure them they’re fine, though still fighting. Say a little about how William took Des’ death really hard, (no duh), and dropped out of the fight for a year. Only came back after finding out what Abstergo did to Des’ corpse (or… alive body???) -- tho the duo try to avoid saying what Abstergo did for now. 

However there’s another pause when Rebecca is, in very vague terms, explaining what happened in London in 2015. Rebecca starts telling Des what the Shroud is when she pauses and looks like she’s just solved some complicated code.

“I thought you were skipping the secret details?” Des asks.

“This isn’t that-- the Shroud heals people. Like, really fast,” Rebecca says.

Shaun gets where she’s going. “Ah... so say if someone got shot, it would heal almost immediately. And there would be no scar or visible wound afterwards.” 

Desmond takes a moment, and then he’s like “...you think I have the Shroud’s powers?” 

Now this doesn’t really solve any questions, and if anything creates more… but it adds something? Heck, this is all so confusing for everyone involved.

Anyways at some point they decide to actually all go to sleep. Galina’s still here btw, she also goes to sleep lol. Though before they do go to their own beds, Shaun and Becs have a quick chat about how weird this all is. Very Weird. 

Uh yeah so shrugging noises, Galina at some point the next day is assured the trio will be fine on their own and heads back to the city to investigate with unnamed Assassins. 

At some point they do actually do medical checkups lol, and comes up as, overall, Good. Desmond is pretty spritely for a dead guy. 

However they run into an issue: the DNA thingie just Isn’t Cooperating. It won’t sequence it. Probably definitely because they don’t have any tech that can get his wacked-up now-a-lot-more-isu DNA. But it also means they can’t check to see if he’s got the same DNA as he did. So yeah. 

For Rebecca and Shaun, it’s weird how quickly everything starts to feel like old times. As if they might be back in Monteriggioni, or the Temple, hiding out from the Abstergo and the Templars, as if the six year gap never happened. I mean- it’s not quite the same, obviously. Desmond glows now, and there’s always Something to remind them that they thought he was dead, that he was gone -- that something might be Wrong with him. 

Desmond’s, on the other hand, in this very awkward place. Aside from the fact he now has superpowers (which he doesn’t yet know the extent of), he’s also dealing with the fact he was supposedly dead for 6 years. That the world moved on without him and his friends haven’t seen him for six years. 2012 feels like days ago to him, not years. Shaun and Becs are very happy to have him back -- but Desmond didn’t know he was ever gone . So where they’re nostalgic for old times, he can’t help but only notice the differences? 

They need to find out what the heck happened in the 6 years they thought Des was dead. Seeing as the Abstergo facility that Desmond escaped from is -- funnily enough -- crawling with Abstergo agents that would very much like to get the three of them, (and that the trio has been told to lay low and try to go as dark as they can for now, while they all try to figure out what’s happening w Desmond) going back there to find crap out isn’t an option right now. So what Rebecca and Shaun are doing -- with a bit of help from Desmond, though he isn’t a tech guy or necessarily allowed to go into the Assassin database stuff yet -- is trying to scrounge up anything they can on Des and the missing six years.

They’re also slightly trying to work out some of Des’ powers, but they’re wary of him using them too much as Abstergo might pick up on whatever power traces he’s giving off. Shaun thinks Desmond definitely has a second PoE-based ability, and thinks it may be the Apple. 

One of the first nights, Desmond asks Shaun and Rebecca what they are going to do if Des turns out to be a sleeper or something. They can’t actually come up with an answer. 

Tbh, the search for info isn’t going brilliantly, even with two of the Assassin’s best searchers on the case. There are other assassins and PLENTY of Initiates looking for info across the world too -- Desmond just… coming back is a very big thing, and moreso is how he came back (ie all Isu-y). They haven’t heard any word from their mentor, Mr Miles senior, though. 

But then Rebecca has an idea! If Desmond’s conscious memory doesn’t know what happened, maybe his genetic memory does? Small issue: they don’t have an animus with them. So they ask for one ig lol. 

Anyways, they’re all chilling, researching, and trying to get to grips with the INSANE idea of EVERYTHING, ya know? Friendship hours. Catching up -- tho Des doesn’t have much to tell. There’s also emotional times!!! Shaun and Becs getting to say what they never had the chance to say while Des was alive, hugs, talking a little bit about the fact that his death (or “death”, perhaps) hit them Hard (though it’s difficult to talk about for all three). 

The first piece of the puzzle that they get isn’t from somewhere they expect. 

About a week after Desmond showed up (so after about 4-5 days of them being at the safehouse), Layla Hassan gets out of Atlantis. She’s just done the Trials via Kassandra and got the staff of Hermes Trismegistus (...in doing so, losing one teammate and gaining some anger issues. oops). Layla’s not that important yet. What is important right now is when she opened Atlantis.

Layla doesn’t have an exact time as to her opening the gates, but guess what happened very soon after the rough time she opened it? One Desmond Miles burst out of an Abstergo facility, glowing like your overly-dramatic neighbour’s Christmas lights display. 

So then this all just adds more mystery to the uh... Mystery™. Did opening Atlantis resurrect him? Did it give him these powers for some reason? If so, why?? The gang also find out/ the Assassins overall realise that opening Atlantis caused some weird powersurge in every PoE -- but if that caused some kind of surge in Desmond too, does that mean he’s a Piece of Eden now? He has the powers of at least one, PoE now, they know, so…? There are too many questions and nowhere near enough answers. 

The trio is itching to get out there and start investigating themselves -- but they’re told that there’s another assassin coming to join the three of them soon (it’s protocol to not say Who), before they start doing anything, and that they should wait for them. Also said Assassin is bringing one of them mini-animuses (animi? whatever; the one Layla has in ACOd) so they can do the genetic memory thing like Becs suggested. 

So I guess it’s time for more waiting, for whomever the assassin may be...

[elsanna-shenanigans]

August Contest Submission #18: The Concrete Rose

Words: ca. 5,500 Setting: mAU Lemon: No CW: Angst, brief Hansanna

October 12, 2019

From the second Elsa saw her roommate, she knew she would become her muse.

Douglas Academy of the Arts produced hundreds of graduates every year already with an astounding, artistic reputation. Anyone that had a future in the arts ran through Douglas Academy first. But that prestige came at a price, success at all costs meant that almost everyone was cold and cutthroat; no one was a classmate, everyone was competition.

It was a mantra that all the students bought into except for two people: Elsa and her roommate Anna. From a simple handshake and a peace offering in the form of a chocolate bar (“The vending machine accidentally gave me two, how lucky is that?!”), Anna stood out from everyone else in Elsa’s eyes.

They became quick friends despite how drastically different they were. Elsa was reserved and stayed in her head a lot, Anna loved people and spoke every thought that came to her. Elsa was constantly second-guessing her decisions and had a keen eye for details, Anna was more impulsive and loved seeing the bigger picture. Elsa was a sculptor who kept her works secret until they were finished, Anna was a dancer who would always post videos of her practicing for her latest performance.

The one thing they had in common was their need to support the other.

One day well into their first semester, Anna barged into Elsa’s room with a flyer that she’d gotten in almost all her classes: an advertisement for the 3-D Art Showcase in three weeks. “You’re doing this, right?” she asks, pushing the flyer in front of Elsa’s face. “You’re entering a thingie into the thing?”

Elsa plucked the flyer out of Anna’s hands and turned back around in her chair, “Not a chance. I heard first years get eaten alive at these showcases, I’ll wait until next year.”

“Oh come on! You’d kick so much ass if you entered something. Remember that clay canary you made me?” Anna pressed her palms against Elsa’s shoulders, which almost knocked the pencil out of the unexpecting sculptor’s hands.

Elsa shook her head, “That was different. I’d have to make like… something fancy and intricate if I want to even be considered for the showcase.”

“Well, can’t you at least try? Please?” Anna slid her hands down so she could wrap her arms around Elsa’s shoulders from behind. “I can help you just like you helped me while I was rehearsing my first interpretive dance.”

It took a while for Elsa to get used to Anna’s touchiness, but she learned to accept it. This was just another thing that added to Anna’s eclectic personality, and besides Elsa was a big fan of the rosemary body wash she was using. “Anna, all I did was press play on your speaker.”

“Which helped out a lot!” Anna assured her. “You know how much energy I could have wasted doing that myself?”

“… not a lot?”

“Just think about joining, okay? Knowing you, I bet you probably have like five ideas running through your head and when you pick one, I’ll do whatever I can to help turn that idea into something concrete.”

Well if thinking about it was all that Anna was asking her to do, then Elsa could do that. Less commitment that way. And she was right, of course, there were five ideas floating around in Elsa’s mind but none of them she could latch on to and say that that was the one to work on. “Alright fine,” she said after a dramatically heavy sigh, “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s my girl! Oh shit, I’m gonna be late for rehearsal!” Anna sprinted out of Elsa’s room to grab her dancing shoes. Before slamming their shared door shut, she said, “If you eat my spaghetti, I’ll kill you!”

November 5, 2019

There was something that Anna told her that day which stuck with Elsa much more than she thought it would.

Turning an idea into something concrete.

What if she sculpted something out of concrete? It was a near guarantee that a lot of the sculptors entering the showcase would be using clay, recycled metals, or wood; using concrete would probably help her stand out and better her chances of being picked. After a researching how to make this work, and some choice words of encouragement and dancing from Anna, Elsa set to work getting everything she needed for her crazy idea.

There was still, of course, one glaring problem: What was she going to sculpt?

Her answer came to her during Anna’s first performance of the semester. It was an interpretive dance that told the story of a young gladiator fighting for the freedom of his sister who was enslaved by a vindictive landowner. Her ability to tell this story without words (not even in the song she chose) wowed the audience and inspired Elsa as she waited for every beat of the story she’d seen Anna tell maybe a hundred times in their dorm.

Elsa decided to recreate one of the poses Anna did where she jumped in the air and punched her arm out like she was thrusting a spear into an unseen adversary. It was a painstaking process that tested her dexterity and her patience even more so, she shut herself in her room until it was finished. In the end, the sculpture was much smaller than she wanted it to be because she underestimated how much concrete mix she actually needed. And a piece of Anna’s skirt chipped off because it refused to stick to the wire mesh. Still, overall she was very impressed with herself.

And so it seemed was the showcase committee, because she was given one of the last remaining spots on the showcase floor.

Elsa somehow found a way to keep Anna from seeing it beforehand, so when she went with her roommate to the showcase, her reaction was genuine.

Anna gasped, “Holy shit, is this me?! She’s so pretty!”

Everyone in the building looked at them with judgmental glares, especially the judges. Elsa didn’t mind all that much, she wasn’t expecting to take a ribbon home, this was more about proving she could hang with Douglas’ best and to thank Anna for supporting her these past few months.

“I ran out of time to add details to the face, so I kept it blank,” Elsa explained. “I hope it doesn’t look too creepy.”

Anna shook her head, “No, I love it! It’s like… it fits so much with Henry’s character, the gladiator I mean. He presents himself as this nobody that could be anybody, like Henry is just a faceless idea, but he stands for justice and integrity, which can speak to anyone.”

Elsa smiled, her heart fluttering from the feeling of being understood. “I’m glad you were able to see that. I think I’ll steal that explanation when the judges come over.”

“Fine, but if you win a ribbon then you’re buying me dinner. For believing in you and for being your muse.”

“Pssh, you are not my muse.” How in the world did Anna already know that?

Anna squeezed Elsa’s shoulders and smiled, her eyes seeing right past Elsa’s thin resistance. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Michaelangelo.”

The judges came around a few minutes later to ask her some questions and write notes on their clipboards. Anna wanted to talk her roommate up so badly but settled on providing moral support right next to Elsa as she answered the questions concisely and with the professionalism that got her into Douglas Academy in the first place.

She didn’t win a ribbon, but decided to take Anna out to dinner anyway.

December 26, 2019

“I think concrete should be your thing,” Anna said before taking another long sip of her hot chocolate.

“My thing?” Elsa asked.

“Yeah, like the thing that makes you stand out from everyone else. The thing you’re known for. Da Vinci had his inventions and paintings, Degas painted ballet dancers, you could be the concrete rose.”

Elsa chuckled, “Concrete rose? That sounds more like you than it sounds like me.”

Anna gasped, “Why Ms. Elsa, you best be careful or I might just take that as a compliment.”

“Uhh you should because it was.” Elsa gently kicked her foot forward to keep the front porch swinging. They drank their hot chocolates in silence, relishing in that post-Christmas bliss. Elsa’s family was always a little more dysfunctional around the holidays, but when Anna told her she’d be spending her Christmas in the dorms she knew that couldn’t happen. Her best friend deserved a real Christmas for the first time in forever.

When their mugs were empty, Anna spoke again, “Thank you for letting me come with you. I… maybe I would have felt a little lonelier this Christmas. And I’m happy that I’m not.”

“Anna, you’re my best friend- heck, you’re like the sister I never had. I can’t leave my sister hanging, you know?” The confession is so raw and unusual for Elsa that it doesn’t feel right coming from her lips at first, but the more this moment sat the better it felt.

She looked to Anna, her red cheeks were a sign that the cold was finally getting to her. “I had a lot of foster siblings growing up… none of them liked me all that much.”

“Well that’s their loss.”

“Thank you, Elsa. Really. Everything you do means a lot to me, I hope you know that.”

Elsa smiled and tapped her shoe against Anna’s, “Everything you do means a lot to me too.”

Anna brought the empty mug back to her lips. “So, if we’re sisters, does that mean I get to steal your clothes and burst into your room to tell you stupid nonsense?”

“You mean you don’t already do that now?” The force that Anna pushed her with almost sent Elsa off the porch swing.

October 21, 2020

Elsa and Anna complemented each other’s strengths in a way neither of them ever expected. The 3-D showcases happened four times a year, and Elsa entered every one of them with the support of Anna. There were also four major dance performances throughout the year, and Anna entered every one of them with Elsa’s support.

Anna had taken second place for interpretive dancing at the last competition, but Elsa was still looking for her first major win. She felt confident, however, in her entry for the upcoming showcase.

“I mean I love it of course, but it’s ambitious,” Anna said while looking over Elsa’s sketch. “How are you gonna carve out the bird and the cage at the same time?”

“I was thinking of making the cage and bird separate, and then putting them together,” Elsa answered. “If I get the dimensions right, I can hammer some nails underneath the cage so it stays put.”

“Hmm, alright well you sound like you know what you’re doing.” Anna handed back the sketch. “And I’m gonna support you a hundred percent. No matter what.”

“I know you will,” Elsa said while putting her arm around Anna’s shoulder. “… I think this is the one.”

“I think so too,” Anna said proudly. “And when you come back with a ribbon-”

“You’re buying me dinner.”

Anna gasped and wriggled out of her best friend’s arm, “Rude!”

Elsa rolled her eyes, “Oh please, half my budget is spent feeding you. I’m sure you can afford to buy me dinner one time.”

She saw the gears turning in Anna’s mind, trying to come up with a rebuttal, but in the end she groaned and said, “Fine, I’ll take your bum ass out for dinner, sis.”

Elsa worked harder than she ever had before, inspired once again from seeing Anna’s latest performance. It was a soliloquy in dance form, about a bird who’d spent their entire life on the move and in the hands of many owners, but never once being allowed out of its cage. It paralleled Anna’s life story: the foster child from New York who was only getting her first taste of freedom now. She paid special attention to the bird’s eyes, wanting them to emulate the longing and ambition she saw in her best friend.

The process resulted in a lot of tiny cuts and a couple of sleepless nights, but it was all worth it in the end. She won second place at the showcase.

True to her word, Anna took her out for dinner that very night on the condition that Elsa wear the obnoxiously huge, red ribbon. They had to stick it on her shirt with a safety pin. “Alright, where does Madame Second Place want to go for dinner?” Anna asked, dressed in an adorable skirt and blouse combo.

“I was kinda joking, you know?” Elsa said. “You don’t actually have to buy me dinner.”

“Oh please, you can’t get cold feet now. I mean you’re already wearing the ribbon, that’s like… I don’t know, it’s like when your high school prom date puts the corsage on you. It’s official, no backing out.”

Elsa raised an eyebrow, “What so you’re my prom date now?”

Anna pursed her lips, “Well maybe not for prom, it’s too late for that. But I’ll be your date if you want me to.”

That answer leaves Elsa speechless.

“Ooh, I know where we can go!” Anna added before Elsa could finish catching up to the millions of thoughts running through her mind. “There’s this really good Mexican place downtown. I heard they sell this burrito that’s the size of your forearm, and I have long forearms so I wanna see that. Sound good?”

Elsa blinked and said absently, “Yeah, let’s go.” They walked side by side to Anna’s car, all the while Elsa pretended she wasn’t seeing her best friend in a brand new light.

May 15, 2020

It’s a scary feeling to know that you’re in love with your best friend. Even scarier when you’ve considered them your sister for almost two years now. It’s like being strapped in to the world’s best roller coaster against your will. Sometimes it’s exhilarating and you think maybe this isn’t so bad, but most of the time you’re screaming and want to get off.

Elsa’s been on the same damn ride for months now and it hasn’t gotten any easier. But she’s accepted it, which is something she never expected.

All of Anna’s errant touches, her smiles and glances, and even just the way she says “we”… Elsa has second-guessed each and every single one of her behaviors. And yes, she would probably stop overthinking if she’d just talk to Anna but she doesn’t know how. It’s hard enough trying to have a regular conversation with her now, it’s nearly impossible approaching her with a talk about their feelings.

And even so, she’s accepted the fact that she’s fallen in love with her best friend. For the past two years, they’ve been nearly inseparable, there’s no one in the world she knows better or cares about more than Anna. Falling in love with her felt almost inevitable.

But did Anna feel the same way? Well, she’d find out soon.

For the last 3-D showcase of their second year, Elsa had been working on a particularly special project. It didn’t have to do specifically with Anna’s last performance, but it was dedicated to her nonetheless.

Rising from a slab of concrete, she sculpted out a finely detailed rose, complete with a realistic crack where the stem breaks out and defined petals spiraling into the rosebud. It represented Anna’s ability to grow and flourish from a life of a constantly uncertain home life and rough nights on the streets.

At the base of the concrete slab, she wrote ‘For Anna, for everything’. When Anna notices the inscription, that’s when Elsa would tell her how she feels.

She shut herself out from the world for a particularly long time; Anna only saw her when they were walking to classes together, and even then Elsa remained tight-lipped so as to not spoil the surprise. Her patience had to be rewarded, she figured, or else this would have all been for nothing.

When the showcase finally arrived, Elsa waited anxiously for Anna to show up. She said she would be running late because she needed to meet someone, but that was fine because it gave Elsa more time to figure out what she’d say to the judges. Which in turn helped keep her from pacing around the showcase floor like a lonely, lovesick puppy.

When the judges came, she defended the lack of complex expression and vibrancy of her piece by quoting Henry David Thoreau’s opinion on simplicity. And she covered the etching with her hand because that was one question she’d rather not answer just yet. At least not to them. The judges looked impressed with her answers and one of them even mentioned that she had a knack for giving life to her sculptures. The high from that compliment should have lasted her throughout the entire day, but it was shot down almost immediately.

When the judges left, she saw Anna walking towards her. But she wasn’t alone, she was with a guy.

And they were holding hands.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, I was waiting for this guy to get his fucking shoes on.” Anna patted the guy’s chest with a coy smile. He was tall, proper, and with fashionably thick sideburns. The way he wore his t-shirt and jeans looked awkward, as if he was ripped straight from a 19th century portrait and was forced to wear modern clothes to blend in.

“Hey in my defense, I didn’t know I was going to the showcase until you texted me like half an hour ago,” he said while wrapping her arm around Anna’s shoulders.

“Lies. And propaganda.” Anna turned to Elsa with a softer smile on her lips, which was just another hit to Elsa’s already bruising heart. “Again, I’m sorry I was late but I figured it was time for you two to meet. Elsa, this is Hans. We’ve been dating for a month now.”

A month?

A… a month.

Elsa’s doing her best to remain polite and cordial, but it’s hard when her entire body feels like it’s crumbling onto the floor. She extends a hand out anyway, wincing when Hans takes it with more strength than she’s expecting. “It-It’s nice to meet you, Hans. Anna’s lucky to have you around.” The words come out of her mouth like a rejected poison.

Anna talked some more, so did Hans, and maybe Elsa nodded and smiled when she needed to, but for the life of her she couldn’t tell you what the hell they talked about. When it came time for the… couple to examine Elsa’s sculpture, Anna beamed at her with that same pride that was on her face since day one and Hans said she did a good job. Elsa kept her hand over the inscription the entire time.

She won another second place ribbon. When Anna noticed the inscription, Elsa said it was a thank you for being a wonderful friend. Each word felt like pulling teeth.

September 4, 2020

They met at the campus coffee shop while Elsa was isolating herself. Ironically, Anna was going there to get a hot chocolate to surprise Elsa.

She brought Anna and Hans together.

It was a very lonely summer for Elsa. Since Hans lived in New Jersey, it wasn’t that hard for him to visit Anna whenever he wanted, which is exactly what he did. They spent almost every moment of the summer together, and while Elsa pretended to be happy with getting texts, the occasional phone call, and a surprise weekend visit from her best friend, none of it could stop the constant ache in her heart.

Move-in day for their third year was especially brutal, she unpacked absentmindedly while listening to Anna and Hans joke around and kiss when they thought she wasn’t looking. She tried all summer to let go of the feelings for Anna and to just be happy for her, but it felt like the more she tried, the more she held on.

“Alright, that’s the last box.” Anna wiped her hands on her jeans and looked at Elsa and then at Hans. “Let me just change out of this gross, sweaty shirt and we can get something to eat?”

“Of course, babe.” Hans kissed her and walked out of the girls’ dorm, Elsa finally let go of the breath she’d held since they started moving their stuff in.

“You’re coming with us, right?” Anna asked.

Elsa wasn’t expecting her to to talk to her, and she had to take a second for her mouth to catch up with her mind. “Uh no that’s okay,” she finally replied. “You two enjoy yourself, I want to unpack all of my stuff before I eat.”

Anna raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure? If you’re worried about being a third wheel, trust me it’s not gonna be like that.”

Elsa tapped her fingers on the stacked boxes in front of her. “No, I’m just not hungry yet. That’s all.”

“Well… alright, but I’ll bring you back some food and I won’t take no for an answer.” Anna peeled off her shirt and disappeared in her room to find a new one. From somewhere inside the room, she added, “We’ll hang out sometime soon okay? Just the two of us.”

October 1, 2020

'Sometime soon’ turned out to be nearly a month later. It wasn’t for lack of trying, but with the third year at Douglas being notoriously difficult, they needed to spend a little more time adjusting to the bigger workload and busier schedules. And any free time Anna did have was taken up by Hans…

Elsa continued to pretend to be okay, and she actually relished how busy their third year was going to be because it gave her something else to think about. A six-page essay on contour ate up time she was going to spend thinking about the sexual innuendo Hans was 'accidentally’ adding to him and Anna’s conversations.

The busy times couldn’t last forever, though, and Anna and Elsa finally found some time to spend together- just the two of them- one night on top of one of Douglas’ parking garages. It was a place they’d gone to many times just to get away from the staunch air of pressure and competition in every corner of every building underneath them. This was a place for them to breathe, a home away from a home away from home.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much lately,” Anna said, breaking the silence from their lack of conversation. “It’s just that this is the first relationship I’ve been in and… I don’t know, it’s exciting and new. Not that things aren’t like that with you, it’s just-”

“Anna, you don’t have to apologize. Whatever time I get to spend with you is just fine.” Elsa bites her tongue before she can say that she still wishes she had more time with Anna.

“I just don’t want you to feel like I’m neglecting you, that’s all.”

“Well, you’re not, so it’s okay. I’m okay.”

“Okay…” Anna scooted closer to her, their bare elbows touching made the nerves in Elsa’s arm tingle and send shockwaves through her entire body. “Sooooo, you want to know what I’m doing for my next performance? You know, so you can start figuring out what you’re gonna do for the showcase.”

Elsa looked away, “I don't… I think I’m gonna skip the showcase this time.” She wanted to say she was going to skip the showcase this year, but that would have set off too many alarms in Anna’s head. She could deal with the one alarm she saw going off behind her best friend’s eyes.

“How come?” she asked.

“It just looks like it’s gonna be a real busy year, and I think I need to focus on getting through it. Once I can do that, then I can start thinking about sculpting again.”

“I… see.” Anna looked out across the campus. “And that’s the only reason?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?” Elsa wondered if there was something she said, or some visible part of her full of pain that she’d forgotten to cover up.

Anna shrugged, “No reason. Just wondering.”

Elsa didn’t have it in her to pry, so she also went back to looking at the buzzing nightlife of Douglas Academy. With luck, they wouldn’t have to address this ever again.

November 30, 2020

Luck remained on Elsa’s side for nearly two months, and then they returned from Thanksgiving Break. Anna had declined her invitation to spend Thanksgiving with her, and instead she spent it with Hans’ family. Who, as it turned out, was exceptionally rich.

Anna spent a good hour gushing over their massive house with the hot tubs (plural) and rooms as big as their whole dorm, and then talked about all the people that were there for Thanksgiving dinner and how amazing the food was. Knowing Anna’s struggles, Elsa tried to remain supportive while she gushed over Hans and his family and his really nice house. And then she said something that should have remained a thought.

“Sounds like you dodged a bullet not joining me for Thanksgiving.”

Anna pounced on that out-of-character remark immediately. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Gosh, what could she say that wouldn’t sound passive-aggressive? Elsa decided on, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that. I’m really glad you had a good time on break.”

For a second, that looked like it would work. And then Anna closed her eyes and sighed, “Oh god… you don’t like Hans.”

Elsa didn’t say anything, which is the worst thing she could have said.

“Elsa, we’ve been going out for months now. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I…I guess I…”

Anna sighed and waved her hand, “Never mind, I guess it doesn’t matter. Look, I like you both so I don’t want things to feel awkward or whatever. What can I do to help? I want you to like Hans so that things don’t suck between us.��

There’s nothing Anna needed to do, this was a problem that Elsa had to deal with on her own. That’s what she wanted to say to her best friend. But instead, there was another disconnect between her brain and her mouth and she said something that was bound to make things worse, “You don’t even know why I don’t like him.”

Anna nodded, “You’re right. So why don't you like him?”

Elsa wrung her hands together, “Anna, we shouldn’t talk about this.”

“What? But you’re the one that brought it up.”

“I know, but it’s just not… this won’t end well.”

“Is this one of those things where the protective older sister hates every guy her sister dates and thinks that no one’s good enough for her?”

“No,” Elsa replied. And under her breath, she muttered, “I wish.”

“Elsa, we’re the only two people in your room. I heard that.” She scooted across the bed to get closer to Elsa, their fingers nearly touching were enough for Elsa to feel like her arm was on fire. “Just… tell me what’s wrong. Please?”

Though it felt like the wrong thing to do, Elsa pulled her hand away. “I don’t know if I can,” she replied. “Can we drop it please? For now?”

“… okay.”

December 13, 2020

This was the longest time Elsa and Anna had gone without talking to each other. Sure, they were polite and fake when Hans was hanging out in their dorm, and they still said good morning and whatnot to each other, but they hadn’t made an effort to really talk to each other in two weeks.

Knowing this was her fault, Elsa set out to craft an apology to Anna. After deciding on recreating the canary she made her during their first year, this time in concrete, she went to work quickly on creating the mesh outline for it. One night, during this process, she heard a knock on her door. A knock that could only belong to one person.

She took a deep breath and then opened her door. “Hey Anna,” she said far too generically.

“Do you love me?”

Elsa tensed up so much she almost tore her doorknob off. Any answer would have been a good one, but instead she remained frozen in silence.

“Hans and I had a fight and he said…well I mean he thought that… areyou in love with me?”

Still as a statue, much like the concrete rose Anna’s holding in her hand, Elsa somehow found her voice long enough to say, “Anna, I didn't…”

Anna nodded, and in the darkness of their shared loft Elsa could finally see that her best friend had been crying recently. “I should have known. I’m sorry.” She walked away, pressing the concrete rose closer to her chest, and disappeared into her room.

January 20, 2021

Though their relationship had hit an all-time low, Elsa felt it was wrong not going to Anna’s performance. She still very much wanted to support her best friend even if they still weren’t talking all that much. But Anna smiled at her the other day and that… gave Elsa hope somehow? Either way, it was enough to get her to stop being a coward and show up to the performance.

She arrived at the auditorium just in time to see Anna walk on to the stage, but not with enough time to find a seat. So she stood by the entrance awkwardly as the music began playing through the speakers. What conspired for the next five minutes was the most poignant expression of heartbreak and longing that Elsa had ever seen in dance form.

It started off as a simple ballroom dance, and though Anna had no partner you wouldn’t realize it in the way she moved. But her mystery partner continued to pull away no matter how many times Anna chased after them. When the partner disappeared, Anna continued to dance alone and while her moves were perfect and calculated, she let her posture slump with every break in the song. By the end, she’s nearly dragging herself along the floor hoping to make it to the end of the song, all the while reaching out for someone. Something. The song ends with her laying on the floor breathing heavily and the audience erupting in applause.

And for the first time in a very long time, Elsa felt a jolt of inspiration.

February 15, 2021

Elsa sat by the base of her sculpture. The judges had come to talk to her long ago and spectators were slowly trickling out of the building, but she couldn’t leave yet. In fact, she’d wait all night long for Anna if she had to. The note she left underneath Anna’s door even said so.

This had to be the fastest yet most detailed sculpture she’d ever created and there were no doubts as to what inspired her. Time continued to tick away, and Elsa continued to sit.

Finally, after an eternity, she saw the familiar silhouette of her best friend walking through the door. She was wearing the same skirt and blouse that made Elsa fall in love with her in the first place.

Quietly, Anna closed the gap until they were a couple of feet apart. “I got your note,” she said softly.

Elsa nodded, “I watched your performance.”

“Oh, I… I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.”

“I was in the back of the auditorium. But it was beautiful, I’ve never seen anyone move like you do. I’ve never seen anyone express heartbreak like you did.” Elsa wrung her hands together, “I’m sorry if this is inappropriate, but did you and Hans…”

Anna nodded, “A couple of months ago, actually. But my performance, it… wasn’t about him.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No, it…” Anna took her first glimpse at Elsa’s sculpture and it completely threw her off. “Oh my god.”

Immortalized in concrete was Anna in a stunning ball gown, her face content while she swayed in the arms of her dance partner. Except unlike the gladiator sculpture, Anna’s partner was completely visible.

And it was Elsa.

“I know it’s a little forward, but it didn’t feel right having you dance alone,” Elsa replied. And with much less confidence, she added, “Is that okay?”

Anna looked at her, confusion settled on her face. But then that confusion chipped away slowly but surely until a beautiful smile was seen in its place. “It’s perfect,” Anna replied, “Y-you did it again.”

Elsa blushed, “Well, I do have a pretty wonderful muse.”

“Well, I think that muse owes you dinner. What do you say?” Anna reached out her hand, eyes telling her that this was what she wanted.

“She doesn’t owe me anything.” Elsa took her hand and a lovely, warm feeling enveloped her. “But I’d be glad to go with her.”

Anna squeezed her hand and said, “Then it’s a date.”

Elsa’s sculpture won first place that day.

[yamithediaperdork]

A very little guy Christmas (DC)

It was the most wonderful time of the year, at least if you asked a certain orangeish red haired freckled faced 10 year old in a 19 year old's body.

wally west always loved Christmas but this year was better then any other as Christmas morning also happened to land on the 4 month anniversary of him and his wonderful boyfriend Dick having moved in together.

Their modest little one story house was well stocked thanks to stocks Dick had from his adopted father Bruce Wayne that were managed by Lucas fox meaning neither boy HAD to work out side of the occasional superhero stint.

Dick had actually been thinking about getting a bigger house till wally had pointed out they didn't have a butler and he wasn't gonna just clean the palace pointing out 'just because I move at super speed doesn't mean I'm not still putting in the same effort'

That being said, Wally had taken it upon himself to put up the Christmas decorations, Dick had just come home with the box with the speedster had removed it from his hands and it look like a Christmas explosion had happened in the house, both inside and out.

"..You know, Barry warned me but I didn't believe him." Dick had teased.

"Hey! I left the tree alone for us to do together." Wally had said, a mock pout on his face, and earning a kiss on his freckled cheek from dick that almost made him melt.

"That you did Wall man, that you did."

As the pair had set up the tree, Dick couldn't help but gush mentally about how much his lover and best friend seemed to have regressed just from such a simple act. he loved the freckled dork with all of his heart and it was that love that helped him get over the semi hurt he'd experience a month before after discovering the dork's secret, something he apparently thought was so shameful that not even Barry or Iris knew about. Considering the bond between the three that said lots.

Still while he had been temped to confront wally at the time, Dick had a better plan and was waiting for Christmas morning, when his adorable little speedster would get a very special Christmas present from Santa.

"Dick! you're not gonna believe this, but somebody, and I don't know who, ran in here and stole the last of those awesome sugar cookies you made while we were getting the tree decorated! I bet it was Zoom, he's always had a sweet tooth!" Wally said, shaking Dick out of his distracted thoughts.

Dick smirked. A speedster wasn't totally unnoticeable if you knew what you were looking for and while you wouldn't be able to do much to stop them in most cases, there was a tell tale vibration in the chest that you could feel if you trained yourself to notice it. even then Wally's claims that it could of been Zoom (who dick knew for a fact was locked up in Iron heights at the moment) Wally's claims fell flat due to the scatter of crumbs on his chin and a smudge of icing on his lip.

"Really? that DASTARDLY fiend!" Dick chuckled. "He even went the extra mile to plant evidence on you!"

Wally froze and blushed, then wiped his face getting icing and crumbs on his Christmas sweater and gave a sheepish laugh.

"oh uh..well, see.." wally started, rubbing the back of his head with the other arm.

"Relax, I'll make more after this, but your helping this time. note that means helping me make the dough and cook it, not stealing half of the cookie dough one tea spoon at a time." Dick chuckled.

"I can handle that, BUT!" and wally held up a finger. "Only if I get to lick the beaters."

"Deal dork."

With the presents under the tree, Wally had to keep fighting the urge Christmas eve not to just unwrap them and re wrap them at super speed to see what he got. For one, he knew it would spoil any surprises Dick had planned for him and well for anther.. he was Nightwing and had been trained by the freaking batman. there was no way Dick wouldn't of found out somehow.

Believe it or not, living with the world second (or was that third?) greatest detective could be a pain, no matter how great his butt looked.

'Though it IS a very, very sexy butt.' Wally thought, watching as Dick bent down to add a last second extra three presents.

"heh, really going all out and spoiling me this year even after I made you wear that ugly sweater huh?" Wally giggled, sitting on the couch and sipping at some eggnog.

It's a wonderful life was playing on TV though never of them were really paying attention to it, it was just a Christmas tradition that Dick had with Bruce and wally had been fine with carrying it on over to their house.

"Oh, these aren't from me. Superman was doing a favor for Santa and dropped these off early, he knows what a good boy you've been." Dick said and smirked.

Wally giggled, he of course knew there was no such thing as Santa (though given what kind of world he lived in, he'd maybe had spent A LOT of time in the north pole when he first got his powers looking for Santa's workshop) He loved how small dick was treating him and wised that he could of confessed his hidden side to Dick.

But with all the weirdo's that dick had dealt with in Gotham, the last thing he wanted was for Dick to find out that sometimes wally liked to act even younger then he had been since December 1st.

"heh, you think superman helps out at Santa's workshop?" Wally asked, winking, and keeping the little game going.

"well maybe once or twice, Likely doesn't do it too much or he'd put the elf's out of work you know." Dick fired back.

Wally snorted, he'd gone for anther drink of eggnog and now some flew out of his nose and onto the front of his own ugly sweater.

"Ha! Picture a picket line around the fortress! 'Workshop jobs for workshop elf's!' and all that!"

"heh, Or maybe he just doesn't care for the work uniform, having to wear the fake ears and all." dick said, coming over as wally was caught up in a fit of giggles mentally picturing it.

Dick smirked as the movie wasn't even halfway over and wally was already falling asleep, he'd caught him going out on a dozen pointless patrols though out the day but Barry had warned him wally tried to tire himself out on Christmas eve under the whole 'the sooner I go to bed, the sooner it's CHRISTMAS!' mindset.

Despite having no powers of his own Dick was pound for pound the stronger of the two (at least when wally wasn't using his speed to add force to his attacks) and Dick scooped the cutie up in his arms, wall's chest to his own and the sleeping redhead's face resting on his shoulder and getting it damp with drool.

arm under his silly little lover's butt and thigh's Dick carried him to their bedroom, gently setting wally on the king sized bed and then slowly getting him undressed, trying not to wake the little guy up.

Getting wally out of his sweater and pants and socks was the easy part, and Dick had originally planned and tucking wally into bed in just his Flash brief's.

The he got a look at the stained on them and rolled his eyes, the boy just didn't like to wipe right!

'Oh well, let's me get to see that cute freckled ass.' Dick mentally chuckled and slowly, carefully, a bit at a time got the undies off of the fastest dork alive.

picking out a pair of loose boxers (with a lighting bolt them going on) Dick tugged them up most of the way, getting Wally's cute little pee pee (though Dick knew it was a grower not a shower) covered up the rolled him gently over onto his side, and drooled little as he looked at dat ass.

the white almost pale skin (Since Wally didn't have the patience for tanning) made the brown freckles all over the boys bubble butt stick out and if it wasn't for the fact he'd of woken wally up, he'd of leaned down and blew a raspberry on one of those cheeks.

'Sigh, the things I do for the greater good.' Dick thought and tugged up the boxers instead and got the wall man tugged under the blankets.

Looking at the clock it was only 8 pm, and Dick wasn't used to going to sleep this early due to his years of patrolling the streets at night.

'..oh what the heck.' He thought, and after going and turning off all the lights in the house and making sure the doors were locked, made his way back to their bedroom and stripping down to his own undies, crawled under the blankets.

it wasn't even five seconds later before wally was snuggling into his chest and cooing 'daddy'

'...I could get used to this." Dick thought with a grin.

Wally yawned as he woke up, a grin coming over his face. He was alone in the bedroom though that wasn't anything new considering, same with Dick carrying him to bed when he conked out.

the only mild surprise was that he hadn't been woken up by a raspberry on his cheeks, he knew how much Dick loved his tushie.

Getting out of bed he slipped on a cream white sleeping robe, not bothering with a top or pants and his only detour as he made his way to the living room/kitchen because of it's open concept was to tap a kidney so to speak.

Dick had made coffee and was reading a new's parent, the tree lights on and a fire going in the fire place and he looked up to see Wally and smirked.

"About time sleepy head! I thought you were gonna sleep the whole day away." Dick teased lightly.

"he, It's only 6:30 in the morning Dick."

"Like I said.."

Blowing a raspberry at Dick wally eyed the presents under the tree and was about to make his move when Dick cleared his throat.

"I was thinking, I know normally Barry and iris let you open all your presents first..But I wanna open MINE all up first. trust me, it'll be worth the wait." Dick said, setting the paper down and coming over leaving his mug behind as well.

wally whined like a little boy and then bit his lip, He WAS semi used to ruling Christmas morning and it couldn't hurt to let Dick this, if he had to. he guessed.

"ooook. just don't take forever. I've seen you with wrapping paper, you try and save it!" wally said, unable to keep the BRAT out of his tone.

"I swear, I'll go fast..not as fast as you but.." Dick chuckled and took a seat.

In what took what seemed like hours to wally (though it was only 15 minutes at most) dick had unwrapped his presents, Having gotten marital arts gear, tech and books from members of the bat family (and some cook books from Alfred) It was his present from wally though that had Dick squealing with delight, as it was a old stuff toy robin Dick had tossed out when they first moved in together since it hadn't handled the move and had basically come apart.

Wally had found it, rescued it and after a few (ok a lot) hit and misses had managed to get it cleaned, stuffed and restitched back together.

"I know it's not as fancy as the other presents bu-" Wally was said, rubbing the back of his head but was cut off as Dick Hugging him hard and kissed both his cheeks over and over.

"Thank you! I love it!" Dick gushed. "This makes me SO glad I went all out for your gifts!"

"heh, ooooh? and speaking of~" wally said, grinning like a fool and blushing at just how much Dick treasured his cheap fixed up stuffed toy over the insane amount of cash that had been spent on his other gifts.

"Yes! Though hand on, I wanna give you your gifts in the right order!" Dick said and semi rushed and pushed wally onto a seated position on the floor.

"heh, jeez, remind me that plushies are the way to your heart." Wally giggled, but took a seat cross legged and holding out his arms, his hands all in 'gimme!' mode.

The first present was from Wally's parents, a set pot's and pans even though they already had some, they tended to try and be practical.

The second was from his ex Artemis, who he was still friends with since the break up had been on both of them and she was dating Red arrow these days. It was a book on the zen of archarcy, though wally wasn't much into shooting.

The third and forth were from Tim and Barbra, Robin and batgirl and were some lower tech versions of the gifts Dick had gotten and the firth was large book with lots of fairy tales in it with vivid drawing to go along with the text.

"heh, Guess Alfred doesn't know I'm not much of a reader." Wally said, blushing at that gift and how childish it was.

"oh you'd be surprised what Al knows." Dick said in a amused voice.

Wally went to ask what that meant but was shushed as the first present from Santa was handed to him, and Dick stood by, with a HUGE grin on his face as wally took the bulky thing and torn at the tape, only to freeze and blush red all over and look back up at Dick.

"Merry Christmas little guy." Dick said as wally looked back down at the pack of little waddlers, the diapers for big babies in his lap.

"I.. but ..you.. " wally whined, trying to find the words to ask just HOW Dick had known Wally was a closeted adult baby!

"Before you ask, Just remember, I'm a world class dective, I found out last month and you have NO idea how hard it's been to keep it to myself till now. well mostly to myself." Dick chuckled.

"...Mostly?" Wally asked, gulping and looking back under the tree.

there was still two more presents from Santa, a present or two from dick, -groan- a present from batman and..

"Tell me you didn't tell Barry and Iris!?" wally whined and pouted.

"I would but that would set a bad example for my baby boy. you shouldn't fib." Dick laughed.

Dick felt a little bit bad as wally whined and whimpered, clearly he hadn't of wanted Barry and Iris to know but they were coming over for dinner later (with Dick and wally going to Wayne manor for dinner on boxing day) and he wanted him free to be a little guy all day.

"can i at least get one of my diapies on before we open the rest?" Wally whined, hugging the pack close to his chest and making Dick smirk.

"Open up your present from Santa then we'll get my widdle man in his diapies." Dick said, Kissing the redhead's cheek and breaking the pout from his face, though damn if wally didn't try and keep pouting, it just kept turning into a grin.

'Santa's' other two presents it turned out were a six pack of wipes and baby powder for the babies bottom, making it clear to Wally that Dick was more then willing to change him.(and BOY did Dick watching that realization click and the the MASSIVE blush that brought!) and then a second pack of diapers.

"Don't worry, we'll get more as you need them, we can even clear out your underwear drawer if we have to." Dick said cheerfully and got a reply that was music to his ears.

"DADDY!"

"awww, it's ok. I know you'll wanna make me all sorts of presents. Now, ready to get your diapies on?" Dick asked, coming closer and gently pushing Wally onto his back.

"Y-yeah but right here?" wally asked, eyes darting to the window, even though the curtains were drawn shut.

"hey, you wanna be a big baby, you have to go with it..when does a BABY get to chose where he gets his huggies changed?" Dick asked teasingly.

"I hate you so much right now!" Wally huffed and laid back, crossing his arms.

"No you don't." Dick said.

"..No I don't." wally agreed.

it was surreal, having his loving boyfriend being so ok with this and slipping into a daddy role with such ease.. It also had wally mentally cursing himself for not having spoken up sooner since he could of been rocking out in diapers ALL this time!

he closed his eyes not in shame but in bliss and his arms uncrossed as a thumb found it's way into his mouth as Dick pulled his undies off then opened the package.

"How many diapers do you want on little man? you can keep sucking your thumb and show me with your finger unless it's gonna take more then five." Dick teased gently.

wally squirmed LOTS at that, he had toyed and experimented with layering of course, what big baby hadn't? but those were cheap store brand diapers and he wanted to make these last.

Thinking about it for a second, wally held up three fingers.

"ok, can do.. Hmm.. Should of gotten your robe off first." Dick said.

Wanting to speed this along and get his butt back in diapers wally took matters into his own hands, thumb out of mouth and eyes open as he quickly shed the robe and tossed it down the hall like it was on fire and then was back on the floor, shivering a little from the cold, and a whole lot from excitement.

"heh, well that takes care of THAT I suppose." Dick laughed and tickled Wally's tummy as the speedster went back to slobbering on his thumb, but kept his eyes open this time.

Dick made a show of it, Unfolding each of the bulky baby print diapers and teasing wally almost with them and making the little reach out with his free hand, all I want.

he was almost making Wally's little guy stick up to a full 6 inches.

"Well, if I had ANY doubt you didn't want this before." Dick chuckled then added "Butt up wall man."

Wally listened to daddy and lifted his hips, all three diaper had been layered on top of each other and it felt like he was resting his butt on a pillow as his tushie came back down, his stiffly twitching wildly and Wally blushed, he was gonna cream hands free any second now.

"Guess I better stop teasing and hurry up before you shoot and coat yourself and have to go for a bath." Dick chuckled, quickly sprinkling LOTS of baby powder on Wally's privates and BARLEY getting the inner most diaper taped up before wally started to jerk his hips up and down, crying out around his thumb as load after load of 'baby milk' shot out into the diaper, Dick watching the show and though his orgasmic haze Wally could see Dick was getting excited as well.

Dick had to admit, while he'd of never thought of being a daddy dom before, he was finding it super fun and hot as fuck. watching wally cream that hard just from his huggies had Dick wanting to replace that thumb with a certain put of himself in Wally's mouth, but this was all about the baby and there would be time for that later.

Waiting for the hip's to stop jerking Dick moved a hand down and even though the thickness of the diaper could feel how hard his boyfriend turned baby boy was spurting and leaned down, smooching the big babies cheek and setting off anther wave of orgasmic bliss for the little guy.

Once wally was done, Dick smiled and rubbed Wally's tummy.

"have fun?" Dick asked and wally nodded. "Do you still wanna go on with the rest of the diapers or do you need a bit of big boy time after you cream?"

He wasn't being mean, he'd be happy to keep babying little wally but also didn't wanna force this on him anymore then he already had with the telling Barry and iris and Bruce.

wally pulled his thumb out, and there was a line of drool with it that Dick somehow found just even cuter and he gushed in a babyish voice.

"me wanna wear diapies ALL day dada." Wally coo'ed.

Dick's cock almost shot then and there and he was positive it was only his training in self control under Bruce and other martial art master that kept him from shooting though his undies and coating wally.

'maybe I'm gonna need a diaper too at this rate.' dick mused to himself then out loud. "Ok little guy!"

triple diapered and feeling all so small in the most wonderful way, Wally had turned into a little cuddle bug and kept nuzzling into Dick whenever he wasn't opening a present or waiting for Dick to get him one.

His present from Barry and iris was a large teddy bear, with a kid flash outfit on and by larger it was almost as big as his upper body and he gave it LOTS of hugs and named it Teddy flash right then and there.

His present from Bruce was confusing, as it was a book about how to stop bed wetting and he held it up for Dick to see with a eyebrow raised.

"Yeahhh..Bruce didn't really get what I was trying to tell him and just settled on thinking you were a bed wetter so I ran with it." Dick explained sheepishly.

"heh, Ok. Guess that means no wearing to grandpa's house huh?" Wally giggled.

"Ha! yeah, don't think that'll work out..though Alfred semi knows hence the fairy tales and well, Tim's got a lot of quirks like you so think he'd just get jealous." Dick chuckled.

Wally giggled LOTS at that and then it was time for his gifts from Dick, which included two type of paci's (one with a naughty nipple and one with a normal) A set of Lego blocks but the big ones meant for babies, a rattle, a few more stuffies (A anther bear, a owl, a rabbit) and a diaper shirt that was main yellow with the flash logo on the front and on the back went 'Faster pooper alive!' in red lightning text.

He also got a teddy bear themed shirt and shorts outfit, a couple of toddler show DVDS and of course his FAVORITE onesie, the one he insisted on right away, was a red one with green trim and a picture of mistletoe on the small of the back, just above the butt and text about it saying "Kiss under the mistletoe"

Getting the onesie on the little guy wasn't easy, Dick would have to see if Iris could let it out some or something or just cut back on the diapers when Wally wanted to read it.

But as the protege of the god damn batman wasn't one to give up quick and with a lot of effort and grunting he got the crotch snaps done up, though he had to make use of some spirit gun like he used to keep his mask on to do it.

unsurprisingly Wally wasted little time as soon as it was on, rolling over and getting on his hands and knees and offering his massive padded rear up and looking over his shoulder.

"Welllll Daddy? Aren't you gonna kiss me 'under the mistletoe'?" he asked, breaking into a fit of giggled.

"I suppose I better do it now before you go uh-oh." Dick countered and too lots of hoots and giggles, Leaned in and planted a big old smooch on Wally's diapered butt.

"Hehehehehe I might be a BIG baby..But your a BUTT kisser!" Wally giggled like mad.

Seeing how excited wally was Dick made a mental note NOT to let him have sugar while he was in little mode.

"Soooo what do we do noooooow?" Wally asked, plopping back on his butt, leg's spread.

"well I'm gonna go make use breakfast while YOU have a very, very important mission." Dick said, grabbing the first DVD he came across and noting the title then opening it.

"Ohhh?" Wally asked, tilting his head and getting the normal paci clipped to his onesie.

"Yup! You need to start watched Paw patrol so you can explain it all to daddy when he goes to watch it with you later. think you can handle that?" Dick asked.

Wally smirked and then put on a fake look of concern.

"it'll be tough.. but I MIGHT be able to handle it if I have my super science blocks to put together while I study the Intel sir!" Wally giggled.

"heh.. well of course!" Dick said, going and getting the dvd in the machine and turning on the tv, and hearing a weird scuffing noise turned around and grinned ear you ear.

Wall had the container of blocks in one arm, and was rocking his hips and using the other arm to guide him as he scooted across the floor on his butt!

'Just how did it take me finding diapers not to see what a little guy he is, and just how the hell does he manage to adult at all?' Dick wondered.

With the blocks dumped out (after Dick got them opened since there was plastic to cut and Wally was too little to have a knife of course) Wally set to work while sucking on his paci to make a semi mock computer, while Dick cued up the menu and had episode 1 ready to go, he was just waiting on 'agent baby' to give the thumbs up he was ready.

give the thumbs up wally could feel a familiar pressure building up rapidly in his bowels and thought about letting Dick know he had to go poopie, and ask to use the potty, he'd never actually crapped himself before.

'nggggh.. nah. he said I hafa think like a baby and babies dun get to pick when and what they use their diapers for.' Wally thought and leaned forward as Dick passed him by, deciding to give his boyfriend a slight warning of what was coming by giving out a poot.

Instead, the 3 days of backed up poopie in his tummy (his eating habit's sometimes could back him up for days as food struggled to get though) took the opening and a soft 'eek!' escaped from his lips and a massive amount of poopie forced it's way out into his diapers, bulking them out even more but because of the spirit gum the onesie couldn't just pop open which meant once the back of the diaper was full, it only had one place to go.. the front.

Hands on the floor and on his knee's wally suckled hard on his paci as his poopies coated the front of his diapies, making him make tinkles and milk again and as the massive load came to a stop three or four minutes later, he opened his eyes and saw Dick smiling, having watched the whole thing.

"So glad you made room for din din. I'll change you after we eat." he said and then gently and firmly pushed wally onto his squishy and smelly seat and made the big baby make anther load of baby milk.

Unsurprisingly, he wasn't able to tell daddy much about paw patrol.

The end

[junjungsunwoo]

To My Past, My Boyz | My First Love

What happens when letters you wrote in the past about your old feelings are sent out?

What’s going to happen when old feelings resurface?

Word count: 2.2k

Taglist: @kvydence , @yeongwvnhi, @geminirules, @yuta-senpai , @geniejunn, @mingyuwus, @jaxminskale​

To My Past, My Boyz masterlist

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- December 2012.

It was a cold day today, winter had just started days ago, making the temperature in Seoul cold. Even though you were inside the school, the skirt you had to wear for your uniform was not making it very warm for you. You look out the window to see the ground covered in white powder. Under the shining sun, the snow had looked like tiny piles of diamonds which made you smile.

You loved the snow, you loved how gentle and fragile they are. How a single touch could melt or break them, how each and everyone is different from another and are unique in their own way. You love how they were so beautiful, and yet so difficult to keep.

As you admire the snow outside, you don’t hear the teacher coming into the classroom. As he walks towards his desk, the class continues to talk as if they didn’t even notice the teacher coming in- which, they probably didn’t. The teacher slams his books onto his desk, making everyone turn their head to look at him. He was wearing a smile on his face, his usually bright eyes, somehow even brighter today.

“Good Morning Class!” he begins, as the class finally quiet down completely, everyone in their own seats waiting for him to continue. “Today is a very special day for Deobi high school!” He exclaims with the most excitement you’ve ever seen a teacher shown.

“Since you guys are freshmen, I don’t expect you to know what today is so,” He grabs a piece of chalk before turning around, his back facing you- as he starts to write onto the blackboard. 

Winter Fair Preparation Day

“Tada!” He turns back around, his arms extended to his side his smile still on his face. “Today is the preparation day for the fair we are having tomorrow,” He begins, “it’s called the annual Deobi Highschool Winter School Fair, and we hold it every winter!” He excitedly announced. 

As the teacher starts to explain about the fair, you look out the window once again. This time, there was a boy walking across the field. He was talking to someone happily as he walked past your view. He had black hair and his eyes were turned into crescents as he smiled. Just as you were about to get a better look at the boy, the teacher finishes explaining about the fair.

“Alright, who wants to help with the preparations today?” Your teacher asks and a couple of students raise their arms up. You were still looking out the window when your seatmate- also your best friend elbows you and signals to you to raise your hands. You did as told without even knowing what was happening. Just as you were about to ask Eric, your teacher speaks up once again. 

“Alright thank you for volunteering to help set up the preparations for tomorrow!” Your teacher says before he asks the students to turn to the textbooks. “What the heck Eric!” you whisper to your seatmate. “Why’d you tell me to do that? I didn’t even want to volunteer!” you whine to him.

“Well then you should have paid attention,” he whispers back to you, “and I needed someone with me, so please y/n?” He begs you with his puppy eyes, he knew you couldn’t help but say ‘yes’ whenever he uses them.

“Ugh...fine. But only this once.” 

“Is there a problem Miss Heo? Mister Sohn?” Your teacher interrupts your conversation, the whole class now looking at the two of you. 

“Ah no sir, sorry sir.” You tell him, as the two of you turn back to face the front, now focusing on the lesson.

As you put on your winter coat, Eric drags you outside to where the other volunteering students were. As you got to the group, they were already starting. You were all instructed to different jobs, and unfortunately for you- Eric was sent to build the temporary stalls that are used for tomorrow with some of the others, and you were on your own to move boxes to each stall.  

As everyone moved to their own places, Eric comes up to you to apologize for not being able to stay with you and help, before he ran back to meet with his group. You were now left in the cold with all of the heavy boxes next to you. Figuring that you had no other choice, you start to move them.

Trying to finish this as soon as possible, you try to stack boxes onto one another. Picking up the pile of boxes, you didn’t expect the weight of it to be so much heavier than what you had expected, and it causes you to almost lose your balance. As you finally stable yourself on the slippery road, you begin to walk forward. Not being able to see anything over the tall stack of boxes, you carefully walk in small, awkward steps. Just as you finally got used to the feeling and started to walk a bit faster, you bump into someone, knocking you butt first into the snow. 

“Oh my god!” You hear someone say, ignoring them, you try your best to get up quickly from the freezing snow.  As you were about to stand back up again, you slip from the slippery, snow-covered road under you, and you fall back onto your butt once again. “Here-” the voice says as you see a hand reached out for you to grab, “I’ll help you up.” 

Placing your hand onto the stranger’s they pull you up from the cold snow. You look up only to see a very handsome boy in front of you- it was the boy you saw earlier in the day, the one that was smiling while walking across the field. He was staring at your legs that were still covered in snow, his face scrunched up in concern.

“Hey, are you okay? I mean- I did bump you into the snow, and you’re wearing a skirt.” Your eyes travel down your arm as you see that your hands were still connected,  as he also notices that he was still holding your hand, he quickly lets go and apologizes.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You told the boy, “Thank you for helping me, and sorry for bumping into you, I couldn’t see where I was going.” You bowed to him, as a sign of apology as he tries to tell you that it was okay.

“Uh, were you trying to move those boxes?” He points to the now fallen boxes on the snowy floor. You nod, as he starts to stack them up like you once did, before picking them up with ease. “Then let me help you!” He sends you a small smile.

You could feel your cheeks start to warm up, but you shrugged it off, thinking that it was just the cold. As he begins to walk towards the stalls, you quickly pick up the slightly smaller ones before walking a bit faster to catch up to him.  

“Thank you! Uh…” You pause, as you realized that you didn’t know this boy’s name.

“Sangyeon. Lee Sangyeon, I’m a senior here.” He flashes you another smile, as you unconsciously look away. 

“I’m y/n. Heo y/n, a freshman.” You introduce yourself.

“Oh! So I’m your sunbae huh?” He lets out a small chuckle before he realizes something, “Heo...are you perhaps Heo Hyunjun’s sister?” He asks you, as you nod in confirmation. 

“Ahh...no wonder you looked like someone I knew.” you didn’t know Sangyeon knew your brother, but it was none of your business anyways. As the two of you moved the boxes to their own stalls, you start to talk more and more, getting to know each other as time passes. Soon, all the boxes were moved and the two of you were exhausted. 

Grabbing your bag, you pull out a water bottle- it was one that was unopened. You give it to Sangyeon, but he tries to refuse. You tell him that it was a sign of gratitude, and force him to take it before he eventually gives up and opens the bottle to take a drink.

“Thank you for helping me Sangyeon- or do you want me to call you sunbae?” you asked him, your head tilted in curiosity- which Sangyeon found cute.

“Ah, you can call me whatever really, I don’t really mind.” He flashes that damn smile again, and your heart starts to beat a little faster, as you feel the heat that you thought was gone come back. “And, you’re welcome. I saw that you had to move those boxes by yourself in the middle of winter while wearing that,” he pointed to your skirt, “and I just knew I had to help.” 

“Well, thank you for helping me Sangyeon, really, thank you.” You bowed to him in gratitude, before he lifts you back up, telling you that you didn’t need to bow. Just as you were about to say something else, a single snowflake lands on the tip of your nose, distracting both you and Sangyeon from the conversation you both previously had.

“Look! It’s starting to snow!” Sangyeon excitedly tells you, as if you couldn’t see it for yourself. He holds out his hands to catch the small, fragile snowflakes and watched them before they melt. 

“Don’t they look beautiful?” he asks you as he watches the snowflakes in his hand melt.

“Yeah,” you looked at him, 

“They look very beautiful.”

- January, 2013

It’s been weeks since you’ve met Sangyeon, and you just can’t get him out of your head. Even though it was just a small moment of him helping you move boxes, you can’t help but remember everything about him. How his eyes would turn into crescent when he smiles, or how he says he likes to make music in his spare time. No matter what you were doing, he was always there in your head.

Ever so often when you’d see him in the halls he would always flash quick smiles or waves or hellos to you as a greeting. When that happens you‘d find your cheeks heating up and your heart beating loudly. You don’t know what was wrong with you, but you knew this wasn’t something normal. 

You didn’t want to ask anyone about it since you were scared that people would avoid you or make fun of you because of it, so you kept it to yourself instead. You were scared, so scared and you don’t know what to do. So you did the only thing you could think of- avoiding him.

Now every time you see him down the halls, you’d go the other way, and if you can’t you’d look down at your feet and ignore him. Every time you’d make eye contact, instead of smiling back at him, you’d look away. You’d act as if you didn’t see him even though he was clearly in front of you, or you’d simply pretend like he didn’t exist. 

But the feelings never went away.

Instead, they feel like they’ve only grown. How he doesn’t even have to look at you, the moment you hear his voice you’d immediately turn hot, every time someone says his name will bring a smile on your face. You couldn’t take it anymore- what was happening to you?

Finally, you gather your courage to ask your mom, you tell her what you’ve been feeling, and you tell how everything that was happening was caused by this one boy. She couldn’t hide her surprise on her face when you tell her. You were scared that it was going to be something dangerous, but your mom simply puts her hand on your head.

“Sweetie, that means you like someone.” She tells you. “You’re not sick or anything. It’s a normal feeling when you like someone.” 

After that, you head to your room, where you sit down on your bed to think.

Like. 

You liked someone.

That someone was Sangyeon.

God, you were stupid. Why didn’t you figure this out earlier? That way you wouldn’t have started avoiding him like the plague. Thinking back now, you remember that every time you’d avoid him, he’d have this look on his face, as if he was...hurt by what you were doing. 

You doubt he was actually hurt, there was no way he’d be hurt by someone as insignificant as you. You were nothing by a new freshman at Deobi high school like the 100 other new students. But you really did regret what you did, but it wasn’t like you’d have a chance with him anyway. He was a popular senior while you were a new freshman that nobody knew, there was never a chance with him. 

So instead of sulking over a relationship that would have never happened, you walked over to your desk. Sitting down, you stare at your diary, debating if you should write down your feelings. As you grab a pen and open your diary, you think of a better idea. Setting down the book and closing the book, you grab a spare piece of paper instead and a blank envelope. Garbing your pen once again, you start to fill the paper with your feelings and thoughts.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Dear, Lee Sangyeon, the popular senior of Deobi Highschool,

Uhh...hi? I’ve never done this before so I don’t know if I’m doing this right. 

[myheroacademiaposts18]

MHA One-Shot

Hi! This is a one-shot that I wrote a while back in December 2020. I thought I’d share it on here for the heck of it. 

‘Our Victory’

My Hero Academia One-Shot

Set after the league’s escape in the war arc

Written in December 2020. Edited in August 2021.  

Word count: 1.3k

Characters do not belong to me! They belong to Kohei Horikoshi!

-

Dabi sat at the edge of a rooftop. It was dark, but the stars lit up the night sky.  

A lot had happened. Shigaraki was hurt badly but healing. Spinner and Mr. Compress also had some injuries and were healing, but more slowly due to their lack of a regenerative quirk like Shigaraki. Toga was fine physically, but mentally she was damaged...more than usual. The death of twice took a huge toll on her. Since they had made their retreat, she hadn’t said a word. She would only cry and then go quiet. She hadn’t spoken to any of the members.  

Dabi winced when he felt the cool breeze against his skin. Everything hurt. His brief encounter with his brother Shoto left him in quite a messy state.  

“Damn it.” He muttered. Just trying to move his arm a little bit, he wanted to scream. The pain was beyond anything he could put into words. Maybe he shouldn’t have come up here. But a part of him didn’t mind the pain. He needed to feel it. He needed to feel something.  

He closed his eyes. His mind drifted to his previous encounter with Endeavor. He was so close. He had almost done it. He was going to end Shoto and himself and enjoy every minute of Endeavor’s pain and suffering.  

Okay maybe his planning in the end seemed a bit impulsive. Being in the moment, he wasn’t really thinking straight. But now, since his plan wasn’t successful, he had to deal with the consequences of his recklessness. He opened his eyes and glanced at his arms. He grimaced at the sight. ‘What a pain.’ He thought.  

“What the hell are you doing up here? Weirdo...”  

Dabi sighed at the familiar voice. “Why are you sneaking up on people in the middle of the night? Creep...”  

Shigaraki slowly made his way to Dabi’s side. He sat down and winced at the pain that shot through his body.  

Dabi glanced at him, taking in the leader’s current state. “You look terrible.” He stated bluntly.

“Right back at you.” Shigaraki mumbled. His voice was weak. He felt much worse than he looked.  

“At least you’re healing. I can’t exactly say the same.” Dabi said with a shrug. The simple movement made him want to scream in agony. ‘Damn it.’ He thought bitterly. He should be used to this pain by now. Still, it made it hurt no less.  

“Nice hair.” Shigaraki stated with no emotion whatsoever. Dabi only scoffed in response. “Compress and Spinner were able to catch me up.”  

“So, you know about Twice...”  

Shigaraki sighed, keeping his gaze to the ground below. “Yes. And I also know that you are pro-hero Endeavor’s son.”

Dabi froze. He had forgotten for a moment. The league had witnessed his little show and of course Shigaraki was going to hear about it.  

“Were you ever going to tell us?” Shigaraki finally looked at Dabi.  

Dabi was quiet for a moment. “Maybe. I don’t know. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d stick around long enough for it to matter.”

Shigaraki frowned. “Well, after that stunt you pulled, I think I have a right to know.”

Dabi sighed. “Why the hell not...” He thought about where to start. “My name is Touya Todoroki. I am the eldest son of pro-hero Endeavor. I was born with an enhanced and evolved version of his quirk. Unfortunately, it was a quirk my body was unable to handle.”

“Pretty easy to tell.” Shigaraki said plainly.  

Dabi narrowed his eyes at him. “Can you let me finish?”

Shigaraki shrugged. Dabi took his silence as a cue to keep going. “Endeavor put all of his focus into training me to be his successor. It wasn’t a brilliant experience, but I didn’t mind. I just wanted to make him proud...like any naïve young boy. When my two siblings came along, they didn’t possess the quirks that my dad wanted so he continued to train me. Then, Shoto came along. And he was born with the perfect quirk my dad was looking for.”

The familiar feeling of rage ignited within Dabi. “I was tossed aside. Suddenly, I wasn’t good enough. He put all his energy into training Shoto. My little brother’s existence shattered all of my dreams.” He chuckled lightly. “He didn’t have it easy. I heard it all. I saw it all. But despite the pain I knew Shoto was going through, somehow, I wanted that to be me again. At least I would have a purpose.”

“You wanted to be abused?” The question had sounded a bit insensitive, but Shigaraki was genuinely confused by Dabi’s statement.  

Dabi chuckled darkly. “I wanted to make my father proud. I grew up believing that my only purpose in life was to be what he wanted me to be.”

“That sucks...” Shigaraki muttered.  

“But then I wasn’t good enough. My entire existence was stolen from me.” He said coldly.  

“So how did you end up...” Shigaraki paused for a moment, looking at Dabi’s scars.  

Dabi sighed and thought for a moment. “I was thirteen...maybe fourteen. It gets harder to remember as time passes. It feels like centuries ago. After my mom was put into the hospital, things changed. They got worse. She was no longer there to defend Shoto when things got out of hand. I hated it all. Everything made me so angry. One night, I decided to push myself beyond my limits. I was desperate. Burning myself when I used my quirk was common but that time it got out of control. After that night, I never looked back. My family believed I was dead.”

“Until now...”

“Yeah.”  

Shigaraki sighed. “So, you joined the league, stuck around saying all of that nonsense about that damn stain, just for revenge?”  

Dabi only shrugged in response.

Shigaraki stood quiet. He was in deep thought for a moment.  

“If I had told you who I was, would you have let me join the league?”

Shigaraki was a bit taken aback by the question. “I didn’t even trust you as your ‘Dabi’ persona so no.”

Dabi said nothing, keeping his eyes on the streets below.  

“But I would now...”  

Dabi turned his gaze to him with confusion.  

“If Toga wants to go on a murder spree freely, that’s fine. If Spinner wants to go around killing ‘fake heroes’ as stain’s successor, I don’t care. If you want revenge on pro-hero Endeavor and that boy, that’s fine too. Even if we had a name change, we’re still the League of Villains, right? So, you don’t have to do it alone. I already said it before. All the league’s ambitions would become a reality. No matter the outcome of this last battle, in the end it will be our victory.”

“Huh...” That’s all Dabi could manage to say. He was speechless. He shook his head and let out a short laugh. “That was a little cheesy.”

Shigaraki glared at him, a slight blush of embarrassment appearing on his pale face. “Y-you get what I mean.”  

Dabi laughed. “The first place I feel like I belong and it’s with a bunch of freaks.”

“Well, you’re a freak yourself, aren’t you?”  

“I guess you’re right.”

Shigaraki hit him lightly over the head. “But don’t pull a stunt like that again.”

Dabi scoffed. “You know so much about me now, but I still don’t know much about you.”

“And you never will.” Shigaraki slowly stood up. “I’m not telling you anything.”

“Aw and we were having such a moment.”

“Good night.” Shigaraki said harshly and walked away.  

Dabi smirked and shook his head. He looked up at the night sky. “Just wait Endeavor. It’s not over yet.” He chuckled darkly.  

He slowly stood up straight, wincing slightly at the pain. Shigaraki’s words echoed in his head.  

“Our victory.”

-fin-  

[gossipchii]

The irony of the crest

FF.net: here / AO3: here

Characters: Takenouchi Sora and Izumi Koushiro

Words: 1200+

Notes: HOORAY I’M STILL ABLE TO WRITE? AND I FINALLY GOT THIS IDEA OUT OF MY HEAD? 

I love this underrated duo soooooooooooo much, I hope you do as well!

Enjoy!!!!!!

Sora did not consider herself to be a nervous person, in fact most people tended to praise her calming aura. However, there she was, at the frozen yogurt shop taking a glance at the clock every five seconds. Of course, she knew she was early, which meant he was not late, he was never late, yet her foot could not stop stomping.

“I did not realize I was late, I’m so sorry,” Koushiro was carrying a backpack almost his size, Sora wondered how such a tiny human could carry so much weight.

“You’re not late, I’m just very early!” the mouth of her stomach felt as if someone was punching her, she winced in pain. This was not how she was planning on feeling at such a young age.

“I got worried for a second,” Koushiro sighed in relief, getting rid of his backpack, looking somehow taller. Sora had wanted to talk with Koushiro for a while, but she had not found the words on asking for alone time with him without it seeming off. Not that they were not close, Sora considered her fellow redhead one of her dearest friends, but she had never asked him for a one in one chat. “Are you going to order something?”

“Oh, sure!” truth was, the mere thought of eating made her sick, but it would be weird if she did not order a fro-yo, considering she had chosen where to meet in the first place.

Koushiro seemed excited, one would never guess a boy-genius could be so passionate about frozen yogurt and its toppings, he chose them so carefully, taking in fact every flavor and coming up with weird combinations, which Sora could never be brave enough to try.

They went back to their seats, and soon enough Sora realized she had to get ready to come clean and spit out the words that made her meet him in the first place.

“Thank you for taking some time off to talk with me, I know how busy you are, with the computer club and school, and your multiple projects.”

“It’s nothing! Miyako is taking care of everything today, she’s such a bright mind, I feel safe knowing she will take over the club next year.”

“Crazy to think they’re kind of our descendants, sometimes I wonder how did Miyako inherit my crest instead of yours, but then I remember how much she cares for everyone around her, and it makes sense.”

“I’m glad your crest is in her hands, it’s such power not anyone could bare it.”

“Yeah…” she had not had a single bite of her strawberry fro-yo, which was slowly melting. The Crest of Love, how ironic. “Even if I miss the Digital World all the time, I’m glad it’s not totally on our shoulders anymore, we have so much going on right now.”

“Right! You’re doing fantastic with the Tennis team, and Taichi with Soccer as usual, and Yamato is basically the local superstar!” The punch in her stomach came back, this time harder. She took a deep breathe. “Is everything alright, Sora?”

“I mean, nothing’s wrong but…” she was glad the store was almost empty, people did not really crave frozen yogurt at the beginning of December, plus she knew how much Koushiro loved it, she was in a safe space. “I’ve been thinking lately about the future and how our actions could affect it. I love the dynamics of our group, you know?”

“Yes, I’m particularly fond of them as well, but change is inevitable.”

“I know, and lately destiny has showed me this, Jou keeps getting ready to be a doctor, Mimi moved out to the United States, Daisuke and company joined our group…”

“You’re right, I hadn’t realized how many changed had happened in such a short time.”

“And many more may happen soon.”

“What do you mean?”

She took a deep breathe, leaving her untouched fro-yo in the table. “Lately, I’ve been having this annoying stomachache non-stop, it’s so annoying, I feel like throwing up half the time.”

“That sounds serious Sora, have you considered seeing a doctor? Or at least talking with Jou about it?” She scoffed, Koushiro was so innocent somehow.

“Actually, that’s the reason why I asked you to meet me.”

“But Sora, I know nothing about anatomy, and you must not believe everything you read online, you know? It may be a wonderful place, but it’s also very dangerous!”

“Don’t worry, I already know what’s going on, I just have no idea what to do with it.”

“So, you’ve seen a doctor? Didn’t they tell you if you should be taking medicine?”

“My stomach hurts, but I’m not sick, heck, I think I’m actually the opposite of sick. I think I’m in love.” She bit her lower lip, whispering the last part of her sentence.

“I…” Koushiro’s cheeks heat up immediately, that was the last subject he thought Sora would want to talk about.

“I have been trying to hide it for months now, but it’s gotten to the point where it hurts so bad, I know I have to do something about it,” she sighed, avoiding Koushiro’s dark eyes. “But if I do something about it everything will change, and it may not even be mutual, there’s so much at stake here, I’m scared.”

Koushiro left his fro-yo right next to Sora’s, clearly analyzing this whole situation. He could not believe Sora had chosen him to talk about the matter, he felt flattered she trusted him that much.

“I’m guessing it’s someone we know?”

“You’re guessing right, I wish we had the power to choose, because then I wouldn’t have to change a thing about our group’s dynamic…” Koushiro felt in his gut who she was talking about, but she clearly did not want to mention names. Maybe empathy was not his strongest quality, but he knew Sora well enough.

“I may not be the best person to be giving advice on this matter, but I’m certain you’ll be better off by telling them.” He sounded so serious, not an ounce of mockery in his voice. That is when Sora reaffirmed, she had made the right decision in confiding in Koushiro, he made her feel sane.

“I mean” he continued, “even your body is begging for you to let it out, I believe it will end up feeling free once you say it out loud.”

“I know you’re right, it’s just very frightening.”

“And by saying it you’ll be the bravest in our group.” They shared a comfortable silence, both stirring their melted fro-yos. “By the way, this person? The luckiest.”

“You really think so?” Sora’s eyes lit up, adding them a few shades of red.

“Absolutely, I know it’s scary, but no matter the outcome, you’ll come out a winner.” Sora could not resist, and she knew Koushiro was not much for physical affection, but she hugged him. Their friendship was nothing like any other duo in their group, they communicated through an unspoken language, which assured her she had made the right choice. She felt almost in peace.

“You’ll be the first one to know once it happens, I promise.” And Sora wasn’t one to break a promise, she started planning her next move that very same night.

[dailybestiary]

Books of Magic: The Voyage of the “Princess Ark”

(Images by Jim Holloway and Thomas Baxa come from PDF scans of Dragon Magazine, are © Wizards of the Coast or their respective copyright holders, and are used for review purposes.)

Previous installments in my “Books of Magic” series were, weirdly enough, about books.

This time, I want to tell you about a series: Bruce A. Heard’s “The Voyage of the Princess Ark,” which turns 30 years old this very month.

TVotPA ran in the pages of TSR’s Dragon Magazine nearly every month from January 1990 (Dragon #153) through December 1992 (Dragon #188). A serialized travelogue and adventure story told in 35 installments over three years, TVotPA was part Master and Commander, part Star Trek, and part The Adventures of Asterix (the last two of which Heard explicitly cited as inspiration in his letters columns). It follows the saga of Prince Haldemar of Haaken, an Alphatian wizard who recommissions an old skyskip and sets out to explore the lesser known regions of the Dungeons & Dragons game’s Known World, which would soon come to be known as Mystara.

Some background might be necessary for those of you who aren’t familiar with the chaos that was D&D at the time. In the 1980s and 1990s, Dungeons & Dragons and Advanced Dungeons & Dragons were two different games. I’m simplifying the chronology here, but basically in the late ’70s D&D was meant to serve as a simplified gateway to introduce fans to fantasy role-playing before guiding them on to AD&D. But in the 1980s, thanks to the release of the Moldvay/Cook Basic and Expert Sets, and then the five Mentzer box sets (the ones with Larry Elmore dragons on the cover, now referred to as BECMI D&D—for the Basic, Expert, Companion, Master, and Immortals Rules box sets), D&D had become a viable game in its own right, with its own world, referred to only as the Known World.

The Known World—particularly as it was showcased in the Expert Rules—was a mess: more than a dozen nations slammed together in the corner of a continent to illustrate for young DMs the various forms of government you might find in D&D beyond kings and queens. Along the way, these nations also served as analogues for real-world societies ranging from Western European countries to Native American nations to the Mongolian khanate. But it was a glorious mess, thanks to a series of excellent Gazetteer supplements that had rounded out and mapped these nations in great detail, capped off by a box set, Dawn of the Emperors, that described the Known World’s pseudo-Rome, Thyatis, and its rival empire Alphatia, a nation of wizards across the sea.

By the end of 1989, then, D&D was at a crossroads. It was clearly the unloved child, seen as “basic,” best for beginners. Its setting did not have the novel support of Dragonlance or the energy of the surging and more thoughtfully conceived Forgotten Realms, then only two years old. The Gazetteer series had covered nearly all the known nations (two more would come later thanks to popular demand). And even Dragon Magazine rarely carried D&D material—a fact that was excruciating to me when I started picking up issues in late 1988 as a 5th grader.

Into this void stepped Bruce Heard. He’d been the architect of the Gazetteer series, had written some of its best installments, and was the overmind behind the D&D line at the time. If I’m remembering my history correctly, he approached the editor of Dragon, the amazing Roger Moore, about supplying a column that would provide regular D&D content for that starved segment of Dragon’s audience. In his editorials and answers to reader letters, Moore had made several mentions of needing more D&D content for the magazine, so he was a receptive audience. Heard got the green light, and “The Voyage of the Princess Ark” was born.

I still remember where I was when I realized this was happening. I missed the series launch—with my tiny allowance, I could only justify buying Dragon issues that really interested me, and Dragon #153 hadn’t leapt of the shelf at me. (Not having the Masters Rules box at the time, I didn’t realize the illustration of a continental map plastered with “WRONG WRONG WRONG” was referring to the D&D world.) I did have Dragon #155 (still one of my favorite issues of all time), but somehow I skipped past TVotPA Part 3—I wasn’t reading issues cover to cover yet and somehow didn’t grasp what was going on.

Then came issue #158. I was away for a week at Boy Scout summer camp, and I’d brought the June issue of Dragon with me. Having torn through the articles about dragons (June’s theme was always dragons), I turned to an article illustrated with a wizard and an ogre/elf cross riding pelicans. Better yet, they article had stats for playing these ogre-elves as PCs.

D&D stats.

THIS WAS A D&D ARTICLE!

And it was part of a SERIES!!!

With some effort, I tracked down the issues I’d missed—no easy task for a just-finished-6th-grader—and soon was buying Dragon every month. Moore and Heard’s plan had worked. I was hooked on both TVotPA and Dragon from then on. (The next time I missed an issue, I’d be a college freshman and the industry was on the verge of collapse.)

Most installments of TVotPA followed a simple template: The Princess Ark would fly to some new spot on the map, the crew would get into some trouble (usually brought down on them by the actions of Captain Haldemar himself), and then more or less get out again, either due to a last-minute save by Haldemar or some surprising turn of events. All this played out in the form of log entries—originally by Haldemar, then supplemented by other crewmembers as the cast expanded—that allowed Heard to deliver both in-world descriptions and rollicking action at the same time. The article would then offer back matter containing rules content or setting write-ups, and sometimes conclude with a letters column of readers reacting to the setting or seeking clarification on some arcane point of D&D rules and lore.

While this template was simple, it was never boring. The episodic nature of the series let Heard play in a variety of tones and genres: lost-world pulp, courtly drama, horror, farce, even a Western—heck, he slipped in an homage to the Dark Crystal (which at the time I didn’t get, not having seen it) as early as Part 5 (Dragon #157). As well (without getting into too spoilery territory), various overarching antagonists and plot threads—including a threatening order of knights, a devious dragon, two major status quo changes, and divine machinations—kept things simmering in the background from episode to episode. The characters likewise became more developed as Heard’s writing grew in confidence and ambition, and reader affection grew for side characters like Talasar, Xerdon, Myojo, and the rest. Once the series was up and running at full speed, it was a sure bet that if you didn’t like that month’s story, you’d dig the rules write-up, or vice versa. And when the story, setting, characters, and rules all came together, such as in Dragon #177, an episode would just sing.

Once again, I can’t tell you how thrilling this series was to 6th–9th-grade me. First of all, it came along at the perfect time. Heard’s writing literally matured just as my reading did, so the series and I literally grew up together. 6th grade was also the year I discovered comics, so this was also the era of my life when I was falling in love with serialized storytelling. Similarly, it was my first time really embracing the epistolary form.

Perhaps most significantly for this blog and my freelance career, the column was also an early primer for me on game design. Watching Heard tweak D&D’s simple rules to evoke a more complex world, especially when looked at in concert with D&D’s Gazetteer and Hollow Word supplements, gave me the courage to think about tweaking/inventing lore and systems myself. Heard also made a habit of pilfering monsters from the Creature Catalogue, seeing potential in them no one else had, and then suggesting entire cultures for them. (If that doesn’t sound like someone you know…what blog have you been reading?) He made creating a world seem easy, because he did it month after month after month.

Finally, TVotPA was thrilling because it was clear proof that someone took “basic” BECMI/Rules Cyclopedia-era D&D seriously. And that meant someone took us, the fanbase, seriously too. Back then, I couldn’t afford AD&D. Even if I could, I didn’t want to mess with all the complexity. Plus, I loved the Known World. I loved the Gazetteer books and the Aaron Allston box sets. By writing and publishing TVotPA, Bruce Heard and Roger Moore made me feel like they cared about and for fans like me. I didn’t have Raistlin, I didn’t have Elminster…but I didn’t need them, because I had Prince Haldemar of Haaken and his magical Princess Ark.

In fact, it’s no exaggeration to say that falling under the spell of Dragon and TVotPA were some of the most magical and mind expanding moments of my middle school years.

But what does this mean for you, the current Pathfinder or D&D fan? Should you read “The Voyage of the Princess Ark”?

Obviously I’m going to say yes, for all the reasons I’ve listed above. If you like maritime adventures, steampunk, or pulp adventures, this is obviously the series for you. If you like Pathfinder/D&D where a wizard is as likely to throw a punch as he is to go for his wand, this is the series for you. If you like on-the-fly worldbuilding, this is the series for you. If you like setting, story, and rules expansion all mixed together every month, this is the series for you.

TVotPA has never been collected in its entirely (more on that later), but there are PDF scans of all that era’s Dragon issues online. Start at Dragon #153 and keep reading. I’ll warn you that the first installments are a little slow, but I’d be surprised if you aren’t pulled in by the end of Part 8 (Dragon #161). If you’re the sort of reader who wants to sample a series running on all four cylinders before committing, I recommend Part 18 (Dragon #171), set in the pseudo-Balkan nation of Slagovich, or Part 24 (Dragon #177), when the crew encounters the Celtic-influenced druidic knights of Robrenn, as great places to get a strong first impression.

To my eye, “The Voyage of the Princess Ark” consists of four major arcs, plus a smattering of follow-up material that owes a debt to the series. If you do decide to dive in, here’s a quick reading guide:

Arc 1 / Parts 1–10 / Dragon #153–163 / This arc launches the series and introduces us to several major antagonists. The first few installments are slow going, but by Part 6 (Dragon #158) or 7 (Dragon #160) we see signs of the series as it will be in its prime.

(Dragon #158 also looks at D&D’s immortal dragon rulers; some of this info will later get superseded by a more canonical article in Dragon #170 a year later. Don’t sleep on Dragon #159—though it doesn’t have an installment of TVotPA, there is some fun Spelljammer content in that issue. Speaking of Spelljammer, Dragon #160 also has a companion article entitled “Up, Away & Beyond,” that serves up rudimentary rules for space travel in D&D in tandem with the action in that month’s TVotPA.)

As you have probably just gleaned, this arc also takes the Princess Ark briefly into space and introduces D&D’s second, secret setting, the Hollow World, which was being launched at that time .

Arc 2 / Parts 11–15 / Dragon #164–168 / This short arc deals with the ramifications of a major status quo-altering event at the end of the previous arc. As the crew comes to terms with their new circumstances, Haldemar learns more about the ship itself and the magics behind her. The arc ends with yet another status quo shakeup and detailed maps of the Princess Ark.

Arc 3 / Parts 16–28 / Dragon #169–181 / Hex maps! One of the calling cards of the D&D Gazetteer series was its gloriously detailed full-color hex maps, so it was kind of a disappointment when TVotPA served up only rough sketches of coastlines and mountain ranges. Part 16 gave us what we’d wanted all along: glorious hex maps (detailing the India-inspired nation of Sind no less!). They weren’t always perfect—several issues in the #170s had the wrong colors for mountain ranges, or even seemed crudely painted with watercolors—but by Part 24 (Dragon #177) we got the crisp, expertly designed nations we expected in our Known World.

Early in this arc, we also get a passing of the torch between artists. Parts 1–17 were illustrated by Jim Holloway, who I like for his action scenes, his expressive faces, and the classic stern captain’s look (complete with mustache) he gives Haldemar. (Holloway also does the best dwarves, gnomes, and halflings in the fantasy business.) Starting with Part 18 (Dragon #171), we are treated to the more angular, stylized look of Thomas Baxa, with Haldemar losing his mustache and gaining a silver-streaked ponytail. Terry Dykstra takes over in Part 25 (Dragon #178); his style is more cartoony (his Myojo really suffers from this), but he keeps Baxa’s character designs till the end of the series.

Now that I’ve totally buried the lede, let’s unearth it: This arc is, for my money, the series at its absolute prime. Action-packed stories. More characters in the spotlight. Meaty setting descriptions and rules content. New PC races and classes. Even heraldry for each nation! Heard also continued his habit of dredging up D&D creatures from the Creature Catalogue and loosely tying them to real-world cultures for great effect. I suspect many of you will love the French dogfolk of Renardy or the English catfolk of Bellayne, not to mention the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reference he sneaks in there.

(By the way, it should be noted that today in 2020 we’re more hesitant to do such A+B design. But remember, 1) 1990–1992 was a different time—by ’90s standards, Heard is engaged in pretty solid, multiculturalist worldbuilding, and 2) Heard grew up in Europe (France originally, I believe), so while some of the characterizations and comedy is broad, the settings are grounded in both on-the-ground familiarity and good research, and the humor is affectionate and of a piece with works like Asterix that any European reader would be familiar with. In other words, don’t stress it and just enjoy that the dog-dudes are shouting “Sacrebleu!” The one exception might be the depiction of Hule, an evil D&D nation that has always been hung with vaguely Persian or Arabian trappings…but again 1) Heard was working within the established canon, and 2) the Known World setting more than balances that out with the Emirates of Ylaruam, an Arabian/Persian-inspired nation that was depicted with lots of sensitivity and care by Ken Rolston and others, to be followed by the amazing Al-Qadim setting for AD&D. So I don’t think there’s much in here that should raise alarms from a cultural sensitivity perspective, but if something does strike you discordantly, remember we’re talking about works that are 30 years old and make allowances as you feel you can.)

Along the way, you’ll also get a sneak peek at what would become AD&D’s Red Steel setting and the Savage Baronies box set—including some of the first Spanish and Moorish-inspired nations you’ll find in fantasy RPGs of this era—learn a bit about the Known World’s afterlife and undead, and even get an honest-to-Ixion cowboy shootout, as well as lots of PC options and deck plans for the evil knights’ flying warbirds, which put the Klingons’ warbirds to shame. (Oh, and while you’re reading, don’t skip the two articles about the Known World’s dragons in #170 and #171!)

Arc 4 / Parts 29–35 / Dragon #182–188 / Dragon #158–181 is among the best two-year-runs Dragon Magazine ever had, and TVotPA is a large part of the reason. But a lackluster issue #182 was a first quiet sign of a long slow downturn to come. The fact that that issue’s TVotPA entry was only a letter column portended even more dire things. In fact, three of the seven installments in this arc were purely letters columns, which was a huge disappointment at the time: We’d waited a whole month and got…just letters?!?

By this point, I think we knew the Wrath of the Immortals box set was coming—one of those world-shattering setting updates that was being pitched as a relaunch of the setting, but which could also serve as its climax. My hope at the time was that Wrath of the Immortals would kick things into a new, higher gear for both the Known World (which by then we knew as Mystara) and TVotPA, especially since the D&D Rules Cyclopedia had only come out the year before. But alas, it wasn’t to be.

Thanks to the three letters-only entries, the writing was on the wall. In Part 35 (Dragon #188), TVotPA wound its way to a close that felt appropriate but not properly climactic. God, what I wouldn’t have given to have traded those three letters columns for one last showdown with a certain dragon, those dastardly knights, or any other more suspenseful end! The end we got was nice and tidy enough (and took us to fantasy Louisiana, Australia, and Endor), but it wasn’t the end we wanted…in part because we didn’t want it to end, ever.

Arc 5 / Coda & Part 36 / Select issues of Dragon #189–200, Champions of Mystara, Dragon #237, #247 & #344 / In 1993, TVotPA was replaced with “The Known World Grimoire.” This was a grab bag of announcements, letters columns, nitty-gritty details on running dominions (Companion and Master-level D&D players got to have their own lands, castles, and even kingdoms if they so wished), and other sundries. Most of these are skippable. Four exceptions are four “Grimoire” entries which could practically be TVotPA installments: Dragon #192, which covers the manscorpions of Nimmur, Dragon #196, featuring the orcs of the Dark Jungle, an article on D&D heraldry in Dragon #199 (which is an edge case, but I’m including it here because the rules could be applied to the coats of arms of the various Savage Coast nations), and Dragon #200, which looked at the winged elves and winged minotaurs of the Arm of the Immortals. Coming out as it did in the giant-sized issue #200, this last article felt like what it was—a last goodbye to D&D’s Known World/Mystara as we knew it before Mystara’s relaunch as an AD&D line.

(Dragon #200 also had a nice article on making magic-users in D&D more distinctive. There was also “The Ecology of the Actaeon” in Dragon #190, one of the only D&D ecologies to be published in Dragon’s 2e AD&D era. Somewhere in this time we also got the news that the Known World would be relaunched as AD&D’s Mystara setting, whose products were famous for coming with audio CDs and not much else.)

Around this time TSR also published its TVotPA-inspired—and utterly maddening—Champions of Mystara box set. I say “maddening” because, at least to me, it clearly felt like a “Sure, here fine, have your dang box set” product, a too-pricey production made because fans demanded it, but not out of real love from anyone at TSR but Bruce Heard himself and co-designer Ann Dupuis.

(Let me be clear: This is all speculation; I can’t confirm any of that; I’m just saying what it felt like.)

Among the reasons for my disappointment: There was no new content featuring Haldemar and his crew. One of the booklets reprinted most of TVotPA…but not the first 10 or so entries (so it wasn’t even the complete epic! *headdesk*) and none of the ancillary material, just the story logs. Another booklet was deep in the weeds of skyship construction—hell yeah, you could build your own skyship!—but gave little content to, say, inspire lots of fun skyship-to-skyship adventures in the vein of Spelljammer, such as tons of skyships from other nations. The box did contain eight standalone cards with other ship designs, but most of these were one-off constructions by solitary wizards and rajahs, not enough to really launch a campaign. My favorite booklet was the “Explorer’s Manual,” which gave us some new setting details we hadn’t seen before, including an amazing subterranean nation of elves and gnolls that I still think about to this day…but again, it was all too little, too late—for this fan, at least.

In other words, don’t try to buy the Champions of Mystara box set—at time of writing it’s crazy expensive and not worth it for anyone not actively playing BECMI D&D right this minute. If, after reading the entire series, you’ve fallen in love with TVotPA (which admittedly was my goal in writing this) and absolutely must have Champions for that nation of elves and gnolls, get the PDF on DriveThruRPG.com.

Years later, as Dragon was limping through the late ’90s before its rejuvenation in 2000, Heard provided 2e AD&D rules for Mystara’s lupins and rakastas in Dragon #237 and #247, including writing up tons of subraces inspired by actual pet breeds. If you’ve ever wanted to play an anthropomorphic St. Bernard or Siamese, these are the articles for you.

Finally in 2006, when Paizo had taken over publishing Dragon, they invited Heard to deliver one last TVotPA entry in Dragon #344…giving us, if not a climax, definitely one last burst of palace intrigue and action to bridge the gap between the series proper and the events of Wrath of the Immortals. Over and above all the other coda material I’ve mentioned, this actually fits in the saga—it’s even labeled Part 36. If you want to ship out one last time with Haldemar and his crew, track it down.

Finally x2, there is the world of Calidar. After being thwarted for several years trying to get permission to write new TVotPA content, Bruce Heard has created his own game world filled with skyships and adventures. I own the books (which are rules-light so fans of any system can use them), but haven’t had time to read them yet; hopefully you will be a more determined fan. Keep an eye out for his various Kickstarters and definitely show your support.

Finally x3, if you think I am the only diehard Known World/Mystara fan out there…wow, no, not by a long shot. The Mystara fan community is one of the most dedicated in gaming. In addition to holding a torch for BECMI/Rules Cyclopedia-era D&D, they’ve taken it upon themselves to continue mapping and describing the remainder of Mystara as part of the fan community based out of the Vaults of Pandius website and the stunning fanzine Threshold. I’ve only skimmed Threshold a little, but it is stunning work on par with the Pathfinder fanzine Wayfinder for the amount of effort the fans put in and the quality that comes out. Kudos to everyone involved!

“The Voyage of the Princess Ark” is a testament to the creative heights one writer could achieve in a fantasy world.

“The Voyage of the Princess Ark” deserves to be spoken of in the terms we use for Pathfinder’s Golarion; AD&D’s Dark Sun, Planescape, and Al-Qadim; and Vampire the Masquerade’s World of Darkness. And Bruce Heard deserves pride of place in the company of Greenwood, Grubb, Weis, Hickman, and others of his era.

Heard showed us that simple rules didn’t mean a less complex world. Heard showed us that a few lines of monster description could be blown out to fill entire nations. Heard showed us that the cultural diversity of our own world could inspire our fictional ones. Most importantly, he showed that if you put in the work month after month, you could achieve amazing things. And he did it for a neglected fanbase of underdogs and windmill-tilters. He championed an audience and a world when no one else would.

“The Voyage of the Princess Ark” is also why I spent nearly seven years serving up monster ideas for another underdog fanbase. And the inspiration and work ethic I took from it is a big part of why I’m lucky enough to occasionally be freelancing on a professional basis today.

Three years isn’t a long time in fantasy fandom. If Elminster and Drizzt are Star Trek, perennially chugging along, and Harry Potter is Star Wars, a brilliant core surrounded by progressively less compelling follow-ups, then “The Voyage of the Princess Ark” is Firefly, a ragged crew whose sojourn was cut short, but whose legacy far outstrips its impact at the time.

Or at least, that’s the way its legacy ought to be.

Give “The Voyage of the Princess Ark” a try. Maybe I’m overselling it. Maybe years of nostalgia have painted a picture rosier than the original could ever live up to. Maybe, in an era where outstanding fantasy worlds and strong writing are almost commonplace, current readers can’t perceive the lightning-in-a-bottle magic that was this series.

Maybe. But I think there’s something more there, something perennial, something of value even when placed side by side with the embarrassment of riches that is Pathfinder 1e/2e and D&D 5e.

The only way you’ll know is if you book a berth on the Princess Ark and see for yourself.

Happy flying.

[kinomiakai]

Fic Decade in Review!

I thought I’d do something a little different this year - so, instead of going over all the fics I’ve written this year, let’s talk about this decade! They’re all SNS (except for the original stuff I’ll throw in there for the sake of accuracy) and will be under the cut :)

If you want to check out the actual summaries and stuff, this is my fanfiction.net account, here is my ao3, and here’s all my original work!

2010:

August: Konoha’s Number One (a dramatic dark!naruto thing that I only keep up to show that I’ve grown as a writer oh my god please don’t read it I’m just putting it here for the sake of honesty ajkhdksa)

2011:

...whoops

2012:

August: Alcohol Induced (my first ever attempt at smut)

September: Perceptual Organization (my attempt to both study and write fic)

October: Worthless (my only ever attempt at first person)

2013:

...uh

2014:

nope

2015:

we’re getting there

2016: (we take off!!)

October: How To Break a Mask is finished after 10 years (whoops), and I get an ao3 account!!! (HtBaM, Alcohol Induced, Perceptual Organization & Worthless are moved there - in the interest of time I’m only going to put ao3 links from now on but everything is also on ff.net!)

Still October: Both Name? and Strictly Professional are posted!

November: Home and The Jutsu are posted! (what the heck I wrote so fast back then???

2016 + prior word count total: 88,285!

2017:

January: I post Sleepless and Miscommunication and Masquerade! Woooo!

September: Posted both The Bet and Can’t Stand You! Can y’all tell I was trying to get better at smut lmao

October: Speaking of smut, Stress Relief was posted this month :D

December: I pause writing Enter Naruto to write Rebuilding in like a week like some sort of fever dream, and somehow have it ready for sns month! (I think this was a big turning point ksjdhkshf)

2017 Word count total: 60,784!

2018:

January: I post the first chapter of The Birthday Chronicles! (which was originally supposed to be a oneshot, oops)

February: I immediately follow it up with the prequel, The Present

April: I post Long Enough! which is definitely long enough to not be a oneshot but is the first fic I genuinely couldn’t bring myself to break into chapters

May: I update The Birthday Chronicles with another chapter that kinda sorta maybe stands alone?

June: I post Unnoticed!! Nice to be back in canon :)

July: I post Some Nights are a Storm! The first time I’ve wildly rewritten a fic. You guys are nice enough to want to read the first draft, too :)

July (again) to August: I start posting Enter Naruto on Sasuke’s birthday! I post a chapter a day and you guys read along and it’s amazing. It’s a culmination of at least two years work and every bit was worth it, I have such fond memories of that :) (A whole bunch of firsts here - writing Sasuke’s parents, writing Kakairu, writing slowburn, writing this MUCH, writing that many smut scenes, writing consistently over a long period of time)

September: I try my hand at one of my favourite tropes in (6+1) Times :) Also the first time I’ve ever written them as kids!

October: I post the third bit of The Birthday Chronicles!

November: I write Online for one tumblr prompt and A Night of Poor Choices for another!

December: I give a christmas gift to all my readers in the form of ‘Tis the Season (and I made a hard deadline!! Woohoo!)

2018 word count total: 203,850!!!! (lmao thanks Enter Naruto)

2019:

January: uhhhhh Under Pressure just kind of happens

February: I write C’mon in a burst of speed in the hopes of cheering up a very sweet anon!

March: we’re back in canon again for a flame, a cave and a feeling!

April: I fiiinnnaaalllly get around to write that Proposal x Wedding prompt and I take lots of liberties with tradition in Reborn by Flame!

June: I finally start posting Something Good! And you guys are all so sweet, even when I make you cry. (Definitely a sadder fic then I generally post, but I’m so glad you came along with me for the ride!) - /// - I also make a patreon and start posting my original work for the first time ever - starting with Some Sort of Feeling!

July: we celebrate Sasuke’s birthday to his unending annoyance in Sasuke’s “Not a Birthday Party” Birthday Party! - /// - (July’s patreon fic is The Worst Date Ever!!)

August: I give you guys a teaser & give a lovely anon a oneshot they requested in the form of Bite Me! (it’s gotten so long now friends. there’s so much happening please help) - /// - I also finally post a wlw fic on my patron as 🍀 (the girl from the bus stop)

September: I post Waiting for an Answer, based off an idea I had yeaaarrrsss ago! - /// - (Similarly, on patreon, I post The Woodcutter and The Witch, set in the world I’ve been thinking about for absolute ages!!)

October: I spend a whole bunch of way too late hours in a haze writing A Hostage Situation until somehow a fic just kind of morphs out of it

November: I finally get to share Moments, the piece I did for @eclipsed-zine​! I also post Undeniable, linking all my fics together :) - /// - On patreon I make up for last month by posting chapter 1 & chapter 2 of my long-term project: The Forest!

December: I forgo the christmas present in favour of making your yuletide gay with The Best Best Man! I get to finally write some proper inosaku in :D - /// - I post chapter 3 of the Forest on patreon, and my patreons vote for their christmas gift to be chapter 4 :D <3

2019 word count total: 137,965 of fanfic & 40,100 words of original content!

Stats of the decade: 39 fics - 539,984 words!

I’ll try to beat it in the next ten years :) Thanks for being part of my life, guys! It’s really been awesome to be able to invest myself into writing like this. I hope I can bring you all even more happiness in the next few years!

[kayincolwyn]

Whatever It Means To Be Human (Easter reflection, 4/12/2020)

As many others throughout the world have been pointing out over these last couple months, these are strange times that we're living in.

Back in December around Christmas I started getting sick, and in January I had to go to the ER for some kind of infection that was giving me a sore throat as well as a fever and headache, got a look over and a prescription for a week long course of penicillin which seemed to knock out the infection (and later got hit with a 1200 bill for that ER visit, because my insurance didn’t cover it, that I still need to pay back, which I was livid about when I first found out about it but now am trying to accept as best I can because I have bigger things to worry about). A couple weeks later I had a followup checkup (with a very sweet and very pretty nurse, so no complaints there) and I remember staff at the clinic being pretty jumpy about some virus over in China (now widely known around the world as the coronavirus, or Covid 19) that I honestly hadn't heard about before then, and they were asking me if I had traveled to China or had any interaction with anyone from there, and of course I said no, and I remember being kind of annoyed by their jumpiness at the time. Well, needless to say, now I can see why they were being so jumpy.

I've had some kind of bug or another off and on since then, like a lot of people do in the wintertime, but because of, well, 'everything that's going on' (a phrase I've been using and I've heard a lot of people using lately, like it's become some kind of collective cultural meme) I find myself worrying much more than usual about a little cough or stuffy nose or feeling a little under the weather. At first, like a lot of people, I thought this was no big deal, that it would be another of those diseases that infected a few people but would be quickly contained, and then when that didn't happen I thought, like a lot of younger folks, that I would be fine and just needed to worry about older folks that I care about, but now I know that I could potentially be taken out by this virus too, and even at the ripe old age of 37, so now I worry about myself as well as others, and I admit that, while I’m trying to be brave, part of me is scared.

Even with that worry and anxiety, and with the whole world changing so drastically in just a matter of weeks, I'm still working (with the realization that janitorial work has more value than perhaps I initially thought or felt) and still busing it to and from work and going to the grocery store as needed, while usually wearing my newly acquired neoprene half mask (with inserted filters provided by a friend) like armor, and while washing my bloody hands more than at any other time in my life, and while trying to boost my immunity as best I can with vitamins and supplements of various kinds. Strange times indeed.

I admit it's kind of odd to be considered an 'essential worker', to hear some even hailing people in my position as 'heroes on the frontline' or something like that, when for years I've felt that being a janitor was equal to being at the bottom of the totem pole, and over the years I have on occasion been made to feel less than by others because of my place on the totem pole (though to be fair I've also received my share of gratitude and kindness from others concerning my work as well, which I'm thankful for and appreciate). I mean, I don't really see myself as particularly heroic (I see doctors and nurses and other healthcare workers who are directly risking their lives in order to save others as far more heroic than myself, for example), but just as a guy trying to do his job in order to provide some service to others while also making a living, but I appreciate the validation nevertheless.

As an 'essential worker' (though even among 'essential workers' I still feel like I'm at the bottom or at least near the bottom of the totem pole), I just want to say that I feel that we all have a part to play in this world, that we all have something that we can contribute to the world, even if it may not seem like much.

Like I have seen some people online ragging on celebrities for trying to entertain others from the safety and comfort of their homes (with many of them being out of work at the moment for obvious reasons) but I would say that trying to entertain or encourage others in whatever way you can, even from a distance, can be meaningful and has its place, because we could all use a little entertainment and encouragement sometimes. I mean, for example, people out there can rag on Gal Gadot for trying to sing Imagine with a bunch of other celebrities who may or may not have any musical talent or ability in some online video, but even as cheesy and cringe-inducing as that may be, I still loved her as Wonder Woman (and through that role she has inspired many people, including many young women and girls) and I appreciate her desire, as well as the desire of everyone in that video, to uplift others in some way. Heck, even just trying to stay home as much as possible, trying to keep your distance from others, trying to be mindful of others, as she and many other celebrities as well as everyday people have been and are doing, in this time can be meaningful and shouldn't be completely discounted.

And to me it's not about being 'essential' or not, or 'heroic' or not, it's just about being human, and doing what you can to be a decent human in whatever way you can.

Of course being human is hard, as every human, no matter who they are or where they are, gets their share of suffering and sorrow in some way or another or at some time or another in their lives (though to be fair some certainly do seem to get a bigger share than others, and some comparatively less), and being a decent human is even harder, as it's often a challenge to do some good or do the right thing with all your faults and flaws and with all your limitations and shortcomings, and then going above and beyond that and being someone that most others would think of as a 'saint', well, that seems nigh impossible.

And what does it mean to be human anyway?

I guess that brings me to something that's been on my mind, and is on my mind more now what with it being Easter and having Jesus on the brain a little more than usual (hey, you can take the boy out of the Christianity but you can't take the Christianity out of the boy).

In times like this where the world is shaken up and we're in a semi-apocalyptic state of mind, where our mortality not just individually but collectively is more in question than usual, the question of what it means to be human looms large for many of us, along with those often asked questions about where we come from, why we're here, where we're going... you know, the usual fare.

Lately I've been reading some books by former evangelical Christians, including Unfollowed by Megan Phelps-Roper, granddaughter of Fred Phelps, founder of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, as well as books by Frank Schaeffer, son of Francis Schaeffer, an influential evangelical thinker and theologian.

Being a former evangelical Christian myself who is trying to find his way after questioning and deconstructing and for the most part walking away from that way of seeing and operating in the world, I can resonate with much of what they have to say and share, like the pain and loneliness there is in walking away from a community that you can no longer agree with to try and find your own path, or how with freedom to think for yourself comes an uncertainty that you have to get used to because now it's on you to decide what you will believe and where you will stand rather than just following what others have taught you or told you, or the mixed feelings about who you were and where you were when it wasn't all bad and it's part of who you are today and even while you don't want to, and really can't, go back, you're still grateful for it somehow.

And in their books they both wrestle with what it means to be human, what it means to be a good person, with the value of life and the value of love, because those questions and concerns still matter to them whether God or some higher power exists or not, just as they still matter to me on some level.

I've also been thinking a bit about Fred Rogers, better known to the world as Mister Rogers, the widely beloved children's TV host, after watching the recent film which stars Tom Hanks as Rogers, A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, as well as the documentary Won't You Be My Neighbor?, and listening to a podcast about him called Finding Fred.

My late friend Erin McCarty was a big fan of Fred Rogers (I even sent her this Mister Rogers t-shirt that I found at a thrift store which she wore proudly in some of her photos on Facebook) whom she saw as a real saint, and she was far from being alone in thinking of him as one. Fred Rogers was one of those people who seemed to go above and beyond just being a decent human, as he was by all accounts a highly exceptional human, who, while having his share of quirks and eccentricities, more than most dedicated his life every waking hour to pursuing the good and showing love to others (and most especially children, whom he could be thought to be the patron saint of if he were canonized as a saint I should think) and even in such a way that no one with a sound mind and clear conscience could find any fault in him.

Those closest to him knew that he at times struggled with feeling inadequate, with feeling as though he wasn't really making a difference in the world, like what he was doing wasn't enough, but even so he continued to move forward, continued to try, an artist whose art-form was kindness and empathy (or as that podcast Finding Fred put it ‘a genius at empathy’).

I remember I was talking with a friend of mine about Fred Rogers the other day and he said that he thought if there was anyone who could perhaps have been the second coming of Christ it was Rogers, and while some might think that sentiment a little sacrilegious, I think it's a testament to the respect many people have for the man's character. People may on occasion playfully mock Mister Rogers for some of his mannerisms, for the way he talked or dressed or otherwise expressed himself (though of course much of that was for the sake of the children he was communicating with), but if you were to ask anyone with any sense at all they would admit that he was, if nothing else, a good man.

I guess the same could be said of Jesus, whose teachings about life and love Fred Rogers, being a Presbyterian minister who took his faith seriously (even if he was kind enough and wise enough not to push it on others as many religious folks tend to do unfortunately), sought to follow and apply to his own life as best he could. Many have parodied Jesus in one way or another over the years (in fact the next book I'll be reading just in time for Easter is Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, which I look forward to reading as it sounds like fun) but most would agree that he was, if nothing else, a good man. Even the beloved comedy group Monty Python, most of whom were agnostic or atheist, after studying the gospels in preparation for what would eventually become their classic comedy Life Of Brian, decided against making a film where they mocked Jesus but instead made a film that mocked the church that often failed to follow his example. Instead of focusing on Jesus in the film they decided to focus on a guy named Brian who was mistaken for Jesus, following him on all of his adventures (or misadventures), while occasionally showing the real Jesus respectfully somewhere in the background (much as was done in the film Ben Hur). They said their reason for doing this was that they couldn't help but appreciate much of what Jesus said and did in the gospels, or as they said in their decidedly British way 'you can't take the piss out of it'.

As Frank Schaeffer points out in his book Why I Am An Atheist Who Believes In God (which I thought was a pretty clever title, and one I can kind of resonate with as I’m somewhere in the middle like that myself), some things that Jesus says and does in the gospels, or at least is recorded as saying and doing, don't really make sense or seem inconsistent with the general thread of kindness and empathy that can be seen in Christ's teachings, and having read the gospels at least a couple of times myself (or at least a couple of their English translations anyway, where no doubt much gets lost in translation), I would agree. He wonders if maybe some things were taken out or added in, if the writers sometimes spun some things to bolster their own point of view (which humans tend to do unfortunately), or if some things were simply a result of 'the telephone game' as it were (with most of the gospels probably being written decades after the events that they chronicle took place so that's not really out of the realm of possibility), and he may be right (as much as many Christians out there, especially the more fundamentalist among them, who may believe that scripture is infallible and inerrant, would hate to admit it).

But whatever the case may be, there is still enough of that thread of kindness and empathy in Jesus' story and message that countless people have been inspired by it through the centuries since he was said to have lived and died (and at least according to the Easter story, risen from the dead), including people like Fred Rogers, and also including people like Megan Phelps-Roper and Frank Schaeffer or myself, who even though they no longer identify as Christian still see some value in Jesus’ example and teachings, or at least as they now interpret them.

Many still seek to follow that example and apply those teachings today, including in these very strange, and very difficult, times, trying to walk a path of kindness and empathy when the world seems to be falling apart. I can't really say for sure how much I'm doing that myself, walking that path, with all of my faults and flaws and limitations and shortcomings, but I would like to think or hope that I manage to do a little good each day and get things right at least on occasion.

The truth is though that many of us, including me, feel as though we don't measure up to the standard that someone like Jesus sets (or at least appears to set when you read about the kind of life he led), or even to the standard of someone like Fred Rogers. It just seems nigh impossible to meet that kind of standard. I mean I can't really speak for everyone who struggles with this, but I know that I have often struggled with wondering if I'm good enough, have debated whether I'm making a difference in the world, and have had doubts about whether I am even a decent human, let alone a saint. I feel like I fail or fall short in some way or another every day, feel like I don't care enough, don’t give enough, don't live big enough or love deep enough. Maybe some of my family and friends who see more in me than I see in myself might argue with me on this, but it's still how I feel sometimes, or even much of the time, and is a daily internal struggle for me.

But hearing about Fred Rogers, who some half jokingly (but also half seriously) would call the closest thing to a second coming of Christ that they can think of, having similar struggles gives me some perspective and comfort though, and it makes me wonder if even Jesus himself had such struggles, even if they may not have be written about, even if they were only written in his own heart, as blasphemous as the thought of someone whom many claim and believe to have been the Son of God, or even God in human form, actually struggling with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt may be, but blasphemous or not that thought gives me a strange kind of comfort.

I remember in reading the gospels one of the parts of Jesus' story that resonated most with me was him wrestling in prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane before he was arrested. Just imagining him being scared and uncertain and agonizing in the dirt and just being, well, more human like me, because I've been there too, is somehow encouraging, because if that's God, or a representative of God, or even just a very good man, maybe it's okay for me to be scared and uncertain and to agonize in the dirt too, because maybe I'm not alone in that.

One of the things that Fred Rogers is famous for saying is 'I like you just the way you are'. In the podcast Finding Fred, the podcast host, who greatly admires Fred Rogers, sometimes expressed struggling with that idea, being a black man who has experienced a lot of racism, and also being someone who has been mistreated in a lot of ways by others throughout his life, he wondered how he could like someone just as they were when, well, there was so much wrong with some people out there. One of his guests on the show, another admirer of Fred Rogers, suggested that what Rogers meant by 'I like you just the way you are' wasn't that everyone was perfect in every way, nor that everyone's words or actions or choices should be condoned, let alone praised, or that people didn't need to learn or grow in different ways, but rather that underneath all the dirt and the muck of our imperfection, our imperfect words and actions and choices, and no matter how deeply buried, there is something of value, something of worth, some spark of the divine in us, which can never be completely destroyed, and no matter how much others, or even we ourselves, may try to.

Of course, much like the host of the podcast, many of us struggle with seeing that that is true of those whom many of us would call 'monsters', the murderers and abusers and tyrants of this world, the worst of the worst if you will, but then it appears that Rogers was able to look at people even like that and see something of value and worth in them, seeing something of beauty beneath all of the ugliness, or at least the potential for it anyway.

I think of another man that many could think of as a saint, named Daryl Davis, who is a black man that has made it his mission to try to befriend members of hate groups, including members of the KKK, not in a concerted effort to convert them to his way of seeing things necessarily but simply to give them something to think about through their just knowing him. He has helped many to walk away from the KKK and other such groups simply by extending the hand of friendship to them, and he challenges others to try to break down divides by seeing the humanity in others, including those who are different from us, or even those who hurt us or frighten us.

I also think of Fred Phelps, who was the founder of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, and who has become an icon of religious hate to many, and what his granddaughter Megan wrote about him in her memoir Unfollowed, how even though to most people he was a terrible human being, even a monster, to her he was her 'Gramps', whom she loved dearly even if looking back she knows that he got a lot of things wrong, and she spoke of how towards the end of his life when he was falling into dementia that he softened considerably, and even to the point that his own church effectively excommunicated him and abandoned him in a retirement home, where Megan and her younger sister Grace, who had recently left the church (and at great personal sacrifice to themselves), snuck in without permission from their family to see him one last time, and Megan says he was mostly lucid at that time, and instead of reproaching them for having left the church he only expressed his love for them in the end. It seems that at the end of his life Fred Phelps didn't cling to his dogma and hate so much as his relationships and love, which is encouraging.

Fred Rogers (the other Fred if you will), whom Fred Phelps himself often mocked as 'a wuss and an enabler of wusses' among other things, even going so far as to protest at his funeral, would have been proud I think that Phelps had come so far at the end, and I am sure he would have said to him 'I like you just the way you are' and I think the humanity buried even in someone like Phelps was what Rogers was pointing to by saying that to everyone he encountered.

Frank Schaeffer spoke of his mother, Edith Schaeffer, in his book Sex, Mom, and God, in much the same way, even going so far as to say that even being straitjacketed by the limitations of her religion and its dogma she was a force of nature and he could see her humanity shine through throughout her life, especially towards the end when, as Fred Phelps did, she softened, and said that ultimately she was better than her beliefs, or that something in her, her humanity, rose above that.

And maybe that humanity, or that divine spark, or whatever you want to call it, was also what Jesus was pointing to and trying to call out, and whether that be in the everyman on the street, or in the seemingly irreparably damaged people that you may find in prisons (or even sometimes in governments) or even among the religious who can get so mired in their ideology and self-righteousness as to forget that spark within them or in others.

It may seem nigh impossible, if not flatly impossible, to live up the standard of what many of us think of as saviors or saints, but I think of a scene in A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood where Roger's wife Joanne says that 'Rodg' (as she affectionately called him) wouldn't want people to think of him as a saint, as he believed that anyone and everyone could walk the path that he walked, or at least tried to walk, and in their own special way.

I also think of how Jesus said to his disciples that they would do even greater things than him, which when you think of the kind of example that someone like Jesus set, namely one where you are willing to die for what you believe in and stand for, that seems like a pretty tall order, but it makes me wonder if, as controversial as this may be and contrary to popular and widespread religious opinion that has been built up around him for centuries, maybe Jesus wouldn't want us to think of him as a savior anymore than Fred Rogers would want us to think of him as a saint, because maybe instead of putting them up on pedestals we're meant to try and follow their example as best we can.

I remember one of the guests in the Finding Fred podcast saying that maybe instead of just looking back on Rogers and his example with admiration and nostalgia, we could also try to be like Fred Rogers ourselves, much as those who seek to follow the way of Jesus (which Rogers himself was trying to follow) instead of just looking back can try to be like him as much as they are able, and in their own special way.

With it being Easter today as I post this, I honestly don't know whether or not Jesus rose from the dead, heck I am not even one hundred percent sure if he even existed (as there are those who argue that he didn't, even if most historians would agree that he did, though most of them think that most of what was written about him was just fanciful legend that was built up around him, which may or may not be the case, because none of us can really know for sure on that since we weren't there, and unless we invent time travel or something it will continue to be a matter of faith, and faith alone), but then I am willing to keep something of an open mind about it, and even with where I am now I can still understand why many look to Jesus as a symbol of hope and the love of God, and why people see something meaningful in the story of his life, death, and resurrection because even if it may not be literally true (and again on that front it is a matter of faith), that doesn’t mean it isn’t mythically true. Whatever the case, I believe that his example and message of kindness and empathy lives on (even if one has to dig through a number of inconsistencies and mistranslations to find it), much as Fred Rogers’ similar example and message lives on.

And I guess this brings me back to 'everything that's going on', and the question of what it means to be human.

One of the things that a lot of people have been saying through this crisis that all of us in the world are facing is that 'we're all in this together' and I think it's safe to say that there's nothing quite like a pandemic to remind us of how much we value our relationships when we are having to keep our distance from others, including those we love, for our good and theirs, and when we are fearing for not only our own health and our own life but also for the health and lives of others.

I recently watched the film Contagion, which came out about ten years ago, and many are seeing it as eerily prophetic as much of the film parallels what is happening now, but one of the underlying messages of that film, as one of my favorite Youtubers, Like Stories Of Old, pointed out, is how much our relationships matter, how much those connections that can so easily be taken for granted matter, when we are faced with existential threats such as the one we seem to be faced with now. More likely than not, as in Contagion, this pandemic, as bad as it may get, will not be the end the world, but it is certainly shaking it up and it appears it will continue to do so for awhile, and in the midst of that all we have for sure is eachother, even if we can only be there for one another mostly at a distance and in spirit.

In A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood there was a moving scene where Rogers says concerning death and how difficult it is to talk about it that 'anything that is mentionable is manageable', and I think the same applies to the situation we are in now, we can face this and face it together, because we're not alone in this mess, not alone in the dirt, even as lonely as it may feel at times.

Our situation is also a reminder (and is another theme in Contagion) of how connected we all are, especially in this globalized world that we now live in. A friend of mine here on Tumblr was telling me in a recent message how this whole situation shows how interconnected we all are, and how every choice we make can impact those around us and can have a domino effect, even having effects, whether positive or negative, that we aren't even aware of.

What he said reminds me of this passage from the classic children's book Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster, which I finished reading for the first time just a couple days ago, where there is this exchange between the book's chief protagonist Milo, accompanied by his loyal companions Tock and Humbug, and the princesses Rhyme and Reason:

“It has been a long trip,” said Milo, climbing onto the couch where the princesses sat; “but we would have been here much sooner if I hadn’t made so many mistakes. I’m afraid it’s all my fault.” “You must never feel badly about making mistakes,” explained Reason quietly, “as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons.” “But there’s so much to learn,” he said, with a thoughtful frown. “Yes, that’s true,” admitted Rhyme; “but it’s not just learning things that’s important. It’s learning what to do with what you learn and learning why you learn things at all that matters.” “That’s just what I mean,” explained Milo as Tock and the exhausted bug drifted quietly off to sleep. “Many of the things I’m supposed to know seem so useless that I can’t see the purpose in learning them at all.” “You may not see it now,” said the Princess of Pure Reason, looking knowingly at Milo’s puzzled face, “but whatever we learn has a purpose and whatever we do affects everything and everyone else, if even in the tiniest way. Why, when a housefly flaps his wings, a breeze goes round the world; when a speck of dust falls to the ground, the entire planet weighs a little more; and when you stamp your foot, the earth moves slightly off its course. Whenever you laugh, gladness spreads like the ripples in a pond; and whenever you’re sad, no one anywhere can be really happy. And it’s much the same thing with knowledge, for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer.” “And remember, also,” added the Princess of Sweet Rhyme, “that many places you would like to see are just off the map and many things you want to know are just out of sight or a little beyond your reach. But someday you’ll reach them all, for what you learn today, for no reason at all, will help you discover all the wonderful secrets of tomorrow.”

While I think the main themes of The Phantom Tollbooth are the value of education as well as how you see and experience the world around you, I think this passage could also be applied to how we learn how to live and love, and how you follow a path of kindness and empathy.

It's a process to be sure, and we will all make mistakes along the way, but as Reason says, we can learn more from being wrong for the right reasons than being right for the wrong ones, and trying to apply what we've learned as best we can and holding onto our reasons for doing so is just as important as what we learn. And there's a purpose to it, to living and loving as best we can, and it can impact the world around us, it can be like a ripple in a pond that spreads out in ways we can't know or even imagine, and who knows, maybe it will take us to places that we couldn't have even dreamed of...

Maybe that's something to try remember whenever we get discouraged (and I know I do plenty, as I’m sure most of us do), much like Fred Rogers did, and perhaps even Jesus did, and when wondering whether or not we have cared enough or given enough or lived enough or loved enough, that even seemingly little things can have a great impact and can actually make a real difference in the world.

In Fred Rogers' last television appearance after 9/11 he spoke of how his mother said in times of crisis that you should "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” I remember in the Finding Fred podcast they pointed out how in that message he was speaking to the children who are now grown ups themselves, the ones who had watched his program as they were growing up, and he was pointing to their own humanity, to that divine spark within them, and calling them to become those helpers themselves.

Even in that instance Rogers struggled, as he was so shaken by the enormity of the events of 9/11 that he felt that nothing he said could really help, and yet many, including myself at the time, even not being as familiar with Fred Rogers then as I am now, as I hadn't really watched his show growing up myself (I was more of a TMNT and Transformers kind of kid back in the 80s), were encouraged by what he had to say, and it made an impact, it made a difference. It helped.

And we can help too in our own way, and even if we too may feel shaken up by the events of our own time, these strange times that we're living in, we too can make an impact and a difference, we can help in some way, and however small and inconsequential what we may have to offer may feel, and whether it may feel decent or good or 'essential' or 'heroic' enough or not, we can help, and even if we may not know that we are helping.

As far as the answers to some of those big questions, like where we come from, why we're here, and where we're going, honestly I'm not sure what the answers may be, I mean I have some guesses, but I don't know with absolute certainty (and I'm having to learn to live without that anyway, even as I try to look forward with some hope and look back with some gratitude), but whatever it means to be human, I think it may have something to do with doing what you need to do even when you're worried and scared, with trying as much as you can to lift up others when they're down or maybe even when you're down, with the value of life and of love, with not being alone in the dirt, with seeing some measure of value and worth in jaded and cynical adults as much as you may see it in children, with extending the hand of friendship, and maybe even to those that are different from you, or looking for the humanity even in those that hurt and frighten you, with somehow loving those that others may only see as irredeemable monsters, with seeing the light in someone even if they are held back by things that limit and hem them in, with not insisting that others put us up on pedestals whenever we do some good or get something right but that they try to do the same themselves as best they can just as we are trying to do, with learning and growing in every way we can, with facing difficult times together, with trying to encourage and support and help one another, and even as imperfect as we may be and are. Maybe it has something to do with all of that.

I hope that we'll get through these strange times, that we'll not only survive them but that this may also push us to change some things for the better, that this will push us forward somehow, through death towards resurrection, that this will remind us of our humanity, that spark within us, and while I don't really know why we are in these strange times, or why 'everything that's going on' is going on, really I do hope that in the end it will move us a little closer to finding out, both for ourselves and for eachother, what it means to be human.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 10/13/20: FREAKY, THE CLIMB, MANK, HILLBILLY ELEGY, AMMONITE, DREAMLAND, DOC-NYC and MUCH MORE!

It’s a pretty crazy week for new releases as I mentioned a few times over the past couple weeks, but it’s bound to happen as we get closer to the holiday movie season, which this year won’t include many movies in theaters, even though movie theaters are still open in many areas of the country… and closing in others. Sigh. Besides a few high-profile Netflix theatrical release, we also get movies starring Vince Vaughn, Margot Robbie, Kate Winslet, Saoirse Ronan, Mel Gibson and more offerings. In fact, I’ve somehow managed to write 12 (!!!!) reviews this week… yikes.

Before we get to the new movies, let’s look at a few series/festivals starting this week, including the always great documentary festival, DOC-NYC, which runs from November 11 through 19. A few of the docs I’ve already seen are (probably not surprisingly, if you know me) some of the music docs in the “Sonic Cinema” section, including Oliver Murray’s Ronnie’s, a film about legendary jazz musician and tenor sax player Ronnie Scott, whose London club Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club has been one of the central cores for British jazz fans for many decades.

Alex Winter’s Zappa is a much more satisfying portrait of the avant-garde rocker than the doc Frank Zappa: In His Own Words from a few years back, but I was even more surprised by how much I enjoyed Julien Temple’s Crock of Gold: A Few Rounds with Shane MacGowan, because I’ve never really been a Pogues fan, but it’s highly entertaining as we learn about the chronically-soused frontman of the popular Irish band.

I haven’t seen Robert Yapkowitz and Richard Peete’s in My Own Time: A Portrait of Karen Dalton, a portrait of the blues and folk singer, yet, nor have I watched Marcia Jarmel and Ken Schneider’s Los Hermanos/The Brothers about two brother musicians separated from childhood after leaving their native Cuba, but I’ll try to get to both of them soon enough.

Outside of the realm of music docs is Ilinca Calugareanu’s A Cops and Robbers Story, which follows Corey Pegues from being a drug dealer and gang member to a celebrated deputy inspector within the NYPD. There’s also Nancy (The Loving Story) Buirski’s A Crime on the Bayou, the third part of the filmmaker’s trilogy about brave individuals in the Civil Rights era, this one about 19-year-old New Orleans fisherman Gary Duncan who tries to break up a fight between white and black teens at an integrated school and is arrested for assaulting a minor when merely touching a white boy’s arm.

Hao Wu’s 76 Days covers the length of Wuhan, China’s lockdown due to COVID-19, a very timely doc that will be released by MTV Documentary Films via virtual cinema on December 4. It’s one of DOC-NYC’s features on its annual Short List, which includes Boys State, Collective, The Fight, On the Record, and ten others that will vie for juried categories.

IFC Films’ Dear Santa, the new film from Dana Nachman, director of the wonderful Pick of the Litter, will follow its Heartland Film Festival debut with a run at COD-NYC before its own December 4 release. The latter is about the USPS’s “Operation Santa” program that receives hundreds of thousands of letters to Santa every year and employees thousands of volunteers to help make the wishes of these kids come true.

Basically, there’s a LOT of stuff to see at DOC-NYC, and while most of the movies haven’t been released publicly outside festivals yet, a lot of these movies will be part of the doc conversations of 2020. DOC-NYC gives the chance for people across the United States to see a lot of great docs months before anyone else, so take advantage of some of their ticket packs to save some money over the normal $12 per ticket price. The $199 price for an All Access Film Pass also isn’t a bad deal if you have enough time to watch the hundreds of DOC-NYC offerings. (Sadly, I never do, yet I’m still a little bummed to miss the 10Am press screenings at IFC Center that keeps me off the streets… or in this case, sitting on my ass at home.)

Not to be outdone by the presence of DOC-NYC, Film at Lincoln Center is kicking off its OWN seventh annual “Art of the Real” doc series, which has a bit of overlap by running from November 13 to 26. I really don’t know a lot about the documentaries being shown as part of this program, presented with Mubi and The New York Times, but check this out. For just 50 bucks, you can get an all-access pass to all 17 films, which you can casually watch at home over the two weeks of the fest.

Okay, let’s get to some theatrical releases, and the one I’ve been anticipating the most (also the one getting the widest release) is Christopher Landon’s FREAKY from Blumhouse and Universal Pictures. It stars Kathryn Newton as Millie Kessler, a high school outcast who is constantly picked on, but one night, she ends up encountering the serial killer known as the “Blissfield Butcher” (Vince Vaughn), but instead of dying when she’s stabbed with a ritual blade. The next morning Millie and the Butcher wake up to discover that they’ve been transported into the body of the other. Oh, it’s Friday the 13th… oh, now I get it… Freaky Friday!

Landon is best known for writing many of the Paranormal Activity sequels and directing Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones. Msore importantly, he directed Happy Death Day and its sequel Happy Death Day 2 U, two of my favorite Blumhouse movies, because they so successfully mix horror with comedy, which is so hard to do. That’s what Freaky is all about, too, and it’s even harder this time even though Freaky has way more gruesome and gory kills than anything in Landon’s other films. Heck, many of the kills are gorier than the most recent Halloween from Blumhouse, and it’s a little shocking when you’re laughing so hard at times.

Landon does some clever things with what’s essentially a one-joke premise of a killer in a teen girl’s body and vice versa, but like the Lindsay Lohan-Jamie Lee Curtis remake from 2003, it’s all about the talent of the two main actors to pull off the rather intricate nature of playing humor without losing the seriousness of the horror element.

It may not be too surprising with Vaughn, who made a ton of dramas and thrillers before turning to comedy. (Does everyone remember that he played Norman Bates in Gus Van Sant’s remake of Psycho and also starred in thrillers The Cell and Domestic Disturbance?) Newton is a bit more of an unknown quantity, but as soon as Tillie dawns the red leather jacket, you know that she can use her newly found homicidal attitude to get some revenge on those who have been terrible to her.

In some ways, the comedy aspects of Freaky win out over the horror but no horror fan will be disappointed by the amount of gory kills and how well the laughs emerge from a decent horror flick. Freaky seems like the kind of movie that Wes Craven would have loved.

I’m delighted to say that this week’s “Featured Flick” is Michael Angelo Covino and Kyle Marvin’s indie comedy THE CLIMB (Sony Pictures Classics), a movie that I have seen no less than three times this year, first when it was playing Sundance, a few months later when it was supposed to open in March… and then again last week! And you know what? I enjoyed it just as much every single time. It’s an amazing two-hander that stars Covino and Marvin as best friends Mike and Kyle, who have a falling out over the former sleeping with the latter’s fiancé, and it just gets funnier and funnier as the friends fight and Kyle gets engaged to Marisa (Gayle Rankin from GLOW) who hates Mike. Can this friendship possibly survive?

I really had no idea what to expect the first time I saw The Climb at the Sony Screening Room, but it was obviously going to be a very different movie for Sony Pictures Classics, who had started out the year with so many great films before theaters shut down. (Unfortunately, they may have waited too long on this one as theaters seem to be shutting down again even while NYC and L.A. have yet to reopen them. Still, I think this would be just as much fun in a drive-in.)

The movie starts with a long, extended scene of the two leads riding bikes on a steep mountain in France, talking to each other as Kyle (once the athlete of the duo) has fallen out of shape. During the conversation, Mike admits to having slept with Kyle’s fiancé Ava (Judith Godréche) and things turn hostile between the two. We then get the first big jump in time as we’re now at the funeral for Ava, who actually had been married to Mike. Kyle eventually moves on and begins a relationship with his high school sweetheart Marisa, who we meet at the Thanksgiving gathering for Kyle’s extended family. In both these cases, we see how the relationship between Mike and Kyle has changed/evolved as Mike has now fallen on hard times.

It's a little hard to explain why what’s essentially a “slice of life” movie can be so funny. On one hand, The Climb might be the type of movie we might see from Mike Leigh, but Covino and Marvin find a way to make everything funny and also quite eccentric in terms of how some of the segments begin and end.  Technically, it’s also an impressive feat with the number of amazing single shot sequences and how smooth some of the transitions work. It’s actually interesting to see when and how the filmmakers decide to return to the lives of their subjects – think of it a bit like Michael Apted’s “Up” series of docs but covering a lot shorter span in time.

Most importantly, The Climb has such a unique tone and feel to other indie dramedies we’ve seen, as the duo seem to be influenced more by European cinema than American indies. Personally, I think a better title for The Climb might have been “Frenemied,” but even with the movie’s fairly innocuous title, you will not forget the experience watching this entertaining film anytime soon.

Maybe this should be called “Netflix week,” because the streamer is releasing a number of high-profile movies into theaters and on the streaming service. Definitely one of the more anticipated movies of the year is David Fincher’s MANK, which will get a theatrical release this week and then stream on Netflix starting December 4.

It stars Gary Oldman as Herman Mankiewicz, the Hollywood screenwriter who has allowed himself to succumb to alcoholism but has been hired by Orson Welles (Tom Burke) to write his next movie, Citizen Kane, working with a personal secretary Rita Alexander (played by Lily Collins). His story is told through his interactions with media mogul William Hearst (Charles Dance) and relationship with actress and Hearst ingenue and mistress, Marion Davies (Amanda Seyfried).

It I were asked to pick one director who is my absolute favorite, Fincher would probably be in my top 5 because he’s had such an illustrious and varied career of movie styles, and Mank continues that tradition as Fincher pays tribute to old Hollywood and specifically the work of Orson Welles in every frame of this biopic that’s actually more about the troubled writer of Citizen Kane who was able to absorb everything happening in his own Hollywood circles and apply them to the script.

More than anything, Mank feels like a movie for people who love old Hollywood and inside Hollywood stories, and maybe even those who may already know about the making of Welles’ highly-regarded film might find a few new things to appreciate. I particularly enjoyed Mankiewicz’s relationships with the women around him, including his wife “Poor Sarah,” played by Tuppence Middleton, Collins’ Rita, and of course, Seyfried’s absolutely radiant performance as Davies.  Maybe I would have appreciated the line-up of known names and characters like studio head Louis B Mayer and others, if more of them had any sort of effect on the story and weren’t just

The film perfectly captures the dynamic of the time and place as Mank is frequently the only honest voice in a sea of brown nosers and yes-men. Maybe I would have enjoyed Oldman’s performance more if everything that comes out of Mankiewicz’s mouth wasn’t an all-too-clever quip.

The film really hits a high point after a friend of Mank’s commits suicide and how that adds to the writer’s woes about not being able to save him. The film’s last act involves Mank dealing with the repercussions after the word gets out that Citizen Kane is indeed about Hearst.

Overall, Mank is a movie that’s hard to really dig into, and like some of Fincher’s previous work, it tends to be devoid of emotion. Even Fincher’s decision to be clever by including cigarette burns to represent Mank’s “reels” – something explained by Brad Pitt in Fight Club – just drives home the point that Mank is deliberately Fincher’s most meta movie to date.

You can also read my technical/crafts review of Mank over at Below the Line.

Ron Howard’s adaptation of JD Vance’s bestselling memoir HILLBILLY ELEGY will be released by Netflix into theaters ahead of its streaming debut on November 24. It stars Amy Adams and Glenn Close, but in honesty, it’s about JD Vance, you know, the guy who wrote the memoir.  The film follows his younger years (as played by Owen Asztalos) while dealing with a dysfunctional white trash family in Middletown, Ohio, dealing with his headstrong Mamaw (Close) and abusive mother dealing with drug addiction (Adams).  Later in life, while studying at Yale (and played by Gabriel Basso), he has to return to his Ohio roots to deal with his mother’s growing addiction that forces him to come to terms with his past.

I’m a bit of a Ron Howard stan – some might even say “an apologist” – and there’s no denying that Hillbilly Elegy puts him the closest to A Beautiful Mind territory than he’s been in quite some time. That doesn’t mean that this movie is perfect, nor that I would consider it one of his better movies, though. I went into the movie not knowing a thing about JD Vance or his memoir but after the first reviews came out, I was a little shocked how many of them immediately went political, because there’s absolutely nothing resembling politics in the film.

It is essentially an adaptation of a memoir, dealing with JD Vance’s childhood but then also the past that led his mother and grandmother down the paths that made his family so dysfunctional. I particularly enjoyed the relationship between the older Vance and his future wife Usha (as played by Freida Pinto) earlier in their relationship as they’re both going to Yale and Vance is trying to move past his family history to succeed in the realm of law.

It might be a no-brainer why Adams and Close are being given so much of the attention for their performances. They are two of the best. Close is particularly amusing as the cantankerous Mamaw, who veers between cussing and crying, but also has some great scenes both with Adams and the younger Vance. The amazing special make-up FX used to change her appearance often makes you forget you’re watching Close. I wish I could say the same for Adams, who gives such an overwrought and over-the-top performance that it’s very hard to feel much emotionally for her character as she goes down a seemingly endless vortex of drug addiction. It’s a performance that leads to some absolute craziness. (It’s also odd seeing Adams in basically the Christian Bale role in The Fighter, although Basso should get more credit about what he brings out in their scenes together.)

Hillbilly Elegy does have a number of duller moments, and I’m not quite sure anyone not already a fan of Vance’s book would really have much interest in these characters. I certainly have had issues with movies about people some may consider “Southern White Trash,” but it’s something I’ve worked on myself to overcome. It’s actually quite respectable for a movie to try to show characters outside the normal circles of those who tend to write reviews, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the movie might be able to connect with people in rural areas that rarely get to see themselves on screen.

Hillbilly Elegy has its issues, but it feels like a successful adaptation of a novel that may have been difficult to keep an audience invested in with all its flashbacks and jumps in time.

Netflix is also streaming the Italian drama THE LIFE AHEAD, directed by Edoardo Ponti, starring Oscar-winning actress Sophia Loren, who happens to also be the filmmaker’s mother. She plays Madame Rosa, a Holocaust survivor in Italy who takes a stubborn young street kid named Momo (Ibrahima Gueye), much to both their chagrin.

I’ll be shocked if Italy doesn’t submit Ponti’s film as their choice for the Oscar’s International Film category, because it has all of the elements that would appeal to Oscar voters. In that sense, I also found it to be quite traditional and formulaic.  Loren is quite amazing, as to be expected, and I was just as impressed with young Ibrahima Gueye who seems to be able to hold his own in what’s apparently his first movie. There’s others in the cast that also add to the experience including a trans hooker named Lola, but it’s really the relationship between the two main characters that keeps you invested in the movie. I only wish I didn’t spend much of the movie feeling like I knew exactly where it’s going in terms of Rosa doing something to save the young boy and giving him a chance at a good life.

I hate to be cynical, but at times, this is so by the books, as if Ponti watched every Oscar movie and made one that had all the right elements to appeal to Oscar voters and wokesters alike. That aside, it does such a good job tugging at heartstrings that you might forgive how obviously formulaic it is.

Netflix is also premiering the fourth season of The Crown this week, starring Olivia Colman as Queen Elizabeth and bringing on board Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher, Emma Corin, Helena Bonham Carter, Tobis Menzies, Marion Bailey and Charles Dancer. Quite a week for the streamer, indeed.

Another movie that may be in the conversation for Awards season is AMMONITE (NEON), the new film from Francis Lee (God’s Own Country), a drama set in 1840s England where Kate Winslet plays Mary Anning, a fossil hunter,  tasked to look after melancholic young bride, Charlotte Murcheson (Saoirse Ronan), sent to the sea to get better only for them to get into a far more intimate relationship.

I had been looking forward to this film, having heard almost unanimous raves from out of Toronto a few months back. Maybe my expectations were too high, because while this is a well-made film with two strong actors, it’s also rather dreary and not something I necessarily would watch for pleasure. The comparisons to last year’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire (also released by NEON) are so spot-on that it’s almost impossible to watch this movie without knowing exactly where it’s going from the very minute that the two main characters meet.

Winslet isn’t bad in another glammed-down role where she can be particularly cantankerous, but knowing that the film would eventually take a sapphic turn made it somewhat predictable. Ronan seems to be playing her first outright adult role ever, and it’s a little strange to see her all grown-up after playing a teenager in so many movies.

The movie is just so contained to the one setting right up until the last 20 minutes when it actually lives the Lyme setting and lets us see the world outside Mary’s secluded lifestyle.  As much as I wanted to love Ammonite, it just comes off as so obvious and predictable – and certainly not helped by coming out so soon after Portrait of a Lady. There’s also something about Ammonite that just feels so drab and dreary and not something I’d necessarily need to sit through a second time.

The animated film WOLFWALKERS (GKIds) is the latest from Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart, directors of the Oscar-nominated Secret of the Kells (Moore’s Song of the Sea also received an Oscar nomination a few years later.) It’s about a young Irish girl named Robyn (voiced Honor Kneafsey) who is learning to be hunter from her father (voiced by Sean Bean) to help him wipe out the last wolf pack. Roby then meets another girl (voiced by Eva Whittaker) who is part of a tribe rumored to transform into wolves by night.

I have to be honest that by the time I got around to start watching this, I was really burnt out and not in any mood to watch what I considered to look like a kiddie movie. It looks nice, but I’m sure I’d be able to enjoy it more in a different head (like watching first thing on a Saturday morning).

Regardless, Wolfwalkers will be in theaters nationwide this Friday and over the weekend via Fathom Events as well as get full theatrical runs at drive-ins sponsored by the Landmark, Angelika and L.A.’s Vineland before it debuts on Apple TV+ on December 11. Maybe I’ll write a proper review for that column. You can get tickets for the Fathom Events at  WolfwalkersMovie.com.

Next up is Miles Joris-Peyrafitte’s DREAMLAND (Paramount), starring Margot Robbie as Allison Wells, a bank-robbing criminal on the loose who encounters young man named Eugene Evans (Finn Cole) in rural Dust Bowl era North Dakota and convinces him to hide her and help her escape the authorities by taking her to Mexico.

Another movie where I wasn’t expecting much, more due to the generic title and genre than anything else, but it’s a pretty basic story of a young man in a small town who dreams of leaving and also glamorizes the crime stories he read in pulps. Because of the Great Depression in the late ’20, the crime wave was spreading out across the land and affecting everyone, even in more remote locations like the one at the center of Dreamland.

The sad truth is that there have been so many better movies about this era, including Warren Beatty’s Bonnie and Clyde, Lawless and many others. Because of that, this might not be bad but it’s definitely trying to follow movies that leave quite a long shadow. The innocent relationship between Eugene and Allison does add another level to the typical gangster story, but maybe that isn’t enough for Dreamland to really get past the fact that the romantic part of their relationship isn’t particularly believable.

As much as this might have been fine as a two-hander, you two have Travis Fimmel as Eugene’s stepfather and another generic white guy in Garrett Hedlund playing Allison’s Clyde Barrow-like partner in crime in the flashbacks. Cole has enough trouble keeping on pace with Robbie but then you have Fimmel, who was just grossly miscast. The film’s score ended up being so overpowering and annoying I wasn’t even remotely surprised when I saw that Joris-Peyrafitte is credited with co-writing the film’s score.

Dreamland is fine, though it really needed to have a stronger and more original vision to stand out. It’s another classic case of an actor being far better than the material she’s been given. This is being given a very limited theatrical release before being on digital next Tuesday.

This might have been Netflix week, but maybe it could have been “Saban Films Week,” since the distributor also has three new movies. Actually, only two, because I screwed up, and I missed the fact that André Øvredal’s MORTAL was released by Saban Films LAST week. Not entirely my fault because for some reason, I had it opening this week, and I only realized that I was wrong last Wednesday. Oh, well.  It stars Nate Wolff as Eric Bergeland, an American in Norway who seems to have some enigmatic powers, but after killing a young lad, he ends up on the lam with federal agent Christine (Iben Akerlie from Victoria).

This is another movie I really wanted to like since I’ve been such a fan of Øvredal from back to his movie Trollhunter. Certainly the idea of him taking a dark look at superpowers through the lends of Norse mythology should be right up my alley. Even so, this darker and more serious take on superpowers – while it might be something relatively unique and new in movies – it’s something anyone who has read comics has seen many times before and often quite better.

Wolff’s character is deliberately kept a mystery about where he comes from, and all we know is that he survived a fire at his farm, and we watched him kill a young man that’s part of a group of young bullies.  From there, it kind of turns into a procedural as the authorities and Akerlie’s character tries to find out where Eric came from and got his powers. It’s not necessarily a slow or talkie movie, because there are some impressive set pieces for sure, but it definitely feels more like Autopsy of Jane Doe than Trollhunters. Maybe my biggest is that this is a relatively drab and lifeless performance by Wolff, who I’ve seen be better in other films.

Despite my issues, it doesn’t lessen my feelings about Øvredal as a filmmaker, because there’s good music and use of visual FX -- no surprise if you’ve seen Trollhunters -- but there’s still a really bad underlying feeling that you’re watching a lower budget version of an “X-Men” movie, and not necessarily one of the better ones.  Despite a decent (and kinda crazy) ending, Mortal never really pays off, and it’s such a slog to get to that ending that people might feel slightly underwhelmed.

Seth Savoy’s ECHO BOOMERS (Saban Films) is a crime thriller based on a “true story if you believe in such things,” starring Patrick Schwarzenegger as Lance, a young art major, who falls in with a group of youths who break into rich people’s homes and trash them, also stealing some of the more valuable items for their leader Mel (Michael Shannon).

There’s a lot about Echo Boomers that’s going to feel familiar if you’ve seen Sofia Coppola’s The Bling Ring or the heist movie American Animals from a few years back, but even with those similarities, Seth Savoy has a strong cast and vision to make more out of the fairly weak writing than another director might manage. Schwarzenegger, who seems to be pulling in quite a wide range of roles for basically being another generic white actor is only part of a decent ensemble that includes Alex Pettyfer as the group’s ersatz alpha male Ellis and Hayley Law (also great in the recent Spontaneous) as his girlfriend Allie, the only girl taking part in the heists and destruction. Those three actors alone are great, but then you add Shannon just doing typically fantastic work as more of a catalyst than an antagonist.

You can probably expect there will be some dissension in the ranks, especially when the group’s “Fagan” Mel puts Lance in charge of keeping them in line and Allie forms a friendship with Lance. What holds the movie back is the decision to use a very traditional testimonial storytelling style where Lance and Allie narrate the story by relaying what happened to the authorities after their capture obviously. This doesn’t help take away from the general predictability of where the story goes either, because we’ve seen this type of thing going all the way back to The Usual Suspects.

While Echo Boomers might be fairly derivative of far better movies at times, it also has a strong directorial vision and a compelling story that makes up enough for that fact.

In theaters this Friday and then On Demand and Digital on November 24 is Eshom and Ian Nelms’ action-comedy FATMAN (Saban Films/Paramount), starring Mel Gibson as Santa Claus and Walton Goggins as the hired assassin sent to kill him by a spoiled rich boy named  Billy (Chance Hurstfield) who unhappy with the presents he’s being brought for Christmas.

While we seem to be surrounded by high concept movies of all shapes and sizes, you can’t get much more high concept than having Mel Gibson playing a tough and cantankerous* Kris Kringle (*Is this the week’s actual theme?) who is struggling to survive with Mrs. Klaus (played by the wonderful Marianne Jean-Baptiste from In Fabric) when they’re given the opportunity to produce military grade items for the army using his speedy elf workshop. Unbeknownst to the Kringles, the disgruntled hitman who also feels he’s been let down by Santa is on his way to the North Pole to fulfill his assignment.

You’ll probably know whether you’ll like this movie or not since its snarkier comedic tone is introduced almost from the very beginning. This is actually a pretty decent role for Gibson that really plays up to his strengths, and it’s a shame that there wasn’t more to it than just a fairly obvious action movie that leads to a shoot-out. I probably should have enjoyed Goggins more in a full-on villainous role but having been watching a lot of him on CBS’ The Unicorn, it’s kind of hard to adjust to him playing this kind of role.  I did absolutely love Marianne Jean-Baptiste and the warmth she brought to a relatively snarky movie.

I’m not sure if Fatman is the best showing of Eshom and Ian Nelms’ abilities as filmmakers, because they certainly have some, but any chance of being entertaining is tamped down by a feeling the filmmakers are constantly trying to play it safe. Because of this, Fatman has a few fun moments but a generally weak premise that never fully delivers. It would have thrived by being much crazier, but instead, it’s just far too mild.

Malin Åkerman stars in Paul Leyden’s CHICK FIGHT (Quiver Distribution) as Anna, a woman unhappy with her life and inability to survive on the little money she makes at her failing coffee shop. When Anna’s lesbian traffic cop friend Charleen (Dulcé Sloan) takes her to an underground fight club, Anna her trepidation about joining in, because she has never been in a fight in her life.  Learning that her mother has a legacy at the club, Anna agrees to be trained by Alec Baldwin’s always-drunk Murphy in order to take on the challenges of the likes of Bella Thorne’s Olivia.

Another movie where I’m not sure where to begin other than the fact that I’m not sure I’ve seen a movie trying so hard to be fun and funny and failing miserably at both. Listen, I generally love Akerman, and I’m always hoping for her to get stronger material to match her talents, but this tries its best to be edgy without ever really delivering on the most important thing for any comedy: Laughs.  Sure, the filmmakers try their best and even shoehorn a bit of romance for Anna in the form of the ring doctor played by Kevin Connolly from Entourage, but it does little to help distinguish the movie’s identity.

Listen, I’m not going to apologize for being a heterosexual male that finds Bella Thorne to be quite hot when she’s kicking ass in the ring. (I’m presuming that a lot of what we see in her scenes in the ring involves talented stuntwomen, but whoa! If that’s not the case.) Alec Baldwin seems to be in this movie merely as a favor to someone, possibly one of the producers, and when he disappears with no mention midway through the movie, you’re not particularly surprised. Another of trying too hard is having Anna’s father Ed (played by wrestler Kevin Nash) come out as gay and then use his every appearance to talk about his sex acts.  Others in the cast like Fortune Feimster seem to be there mainly for their bulk and believability as fighters.

Ultimately, Chick Fight is a fairly lame and bland girl power movie written, directed and mostly produced by men. I’m not sure why anyone might be expecting more from it than being a poorly-executed comedy lacking laughs.

And yet, that wasn’t the worst movie of the weekend. That would be Andrzej Bartkowiak’s DEAD RECKONING (Shout! Studios). Yes, the Polish cinematographer and filmmaker who once made the amazing Romeo is Bleeding, starring Gary Oldman and Lena Olin, has returned with a movie with the onus of a premise that reads “a thriller inspired by the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013.” No, I did not make that up. It mostly takes place in Nantucket, Massachusetts, which I guess is sort of close to Boston, but instead it focuses on the relationship between teens Niko (K.J. Apa) and Tillie (India Eisley), the latter whose parents died in a plane crash that might have been caused by a terrorist. It just so happens that Niko’s brother Marco (Scott Adkins) is an Albanian terrorist. Coincidence? I think not!

Once you get past the most generic title ever, Dead Reckoning is just plain awful. I probably should have known what to expect when the movie opens with Eric “Never Turned Down a Job” Roberts, but also, I strong feel that Scott Adkins, better known for his martial arts skills, is easily one of the worst actors ever to be given lines to say in a movie. And yet, somehow, there are even worse actors in this movie. How is that even possible?

Although this presumed action movie opens with one of three or four fight sequences, we’re soon hanging out on the beach with a bunch of annoying teenagers, including Tillie, who is drowning the sorrow of recently losing her parents by literally drinking constantly in almost every single scene. When she meets the handsome Eastern European Niko, we think there’s some chance of Tillie being saved, but it isn’t meant to be.

Part of what’s so weird is that Dead Reckoning begins in territory familiar to fans of Barkowiak’s movies like Exit Wounds, Cradle 2 the Grave and Maximum Impact but then quickly shifts gears to a soppy teen romance. It’s weird enough to throw you off when at a certain point, it returns to the main plot, which involves Adkins’ terrorist plot and the search by FBI Agent Cantrell (played by James Remar) to find the culprit who killed Tillie’s parents. Oh, the FBI agent is also Tillie’s godfather. Of course, he is.

Beyond the fact that I spent much of the movie wondering what these teens in Nantucket have to do with the opening scene or the overall premise, this is a movie that anything that could be resembling talent or skill in Barkowiak’s filmmaking is long gone. Going past the horrendous writing – at one point, the exasperated and quite xenophobic Cantrell exclaims, “It’s been a nightmare since 9/11... who knows what's next?” -- or the inability of much of the cast to make it seem like anyone involved cares about making a good movie, the film is strangled by a score that wants to remind you it’s a thriller even as you watch people having fun on the beach on a sunny day.

Eventually, it does get back to the action with a fight between Cantrell and Marco… and then Marco gets into a fight with Tillie’s nice aunt nurse Jennifer where she has a surprisingly amount of fighting skills. There’s also Nico’s best friend who is either British or gay or both, but he spends every one of his scenes acting so pretentious and annoying, you kind of hope he’ll be blown up by terrorists. Sadly, you have to wait until the last act before the surfboards are pulled out.  (Incidentally, filmmakers, please don’t call a character in your movie “Marco,” especially if that character’s name is going to be yelled out repeatedly, because it will just lead to someone in the audience to yell out “Polo!” This is Uwe Boll School of Bad Filmmaking 101!)

The point is that the movie is just all over the place yet in a place that’s even remotely watchable. There even was a point when Tillie was watching the video of her parents dying in a car crash for the third or fourth time, and I just started laughing, since it’s such a slipshod scene.

It’s very likely that Dead Reckoning will claim the honor of being the worst movie I’ve seen this year. Really, the only way to have any fun watching this disaster is to play a drinking game where you take a drink every time Eisley’s character takes a drink. Or better yet, just bail on the movie and hit the bottle, because I’m sure whoever funded this piece of crap is.

Opening at New York’s Film Forum on Wednesday is Manfred Kirchheimer’s FREE TIME (Grasshopper/Cinema Conservancy), another wonderful doc from one of the kings of old school cinema verité documentary filmmaking, consisting of footage of New York City from 1960 that’s pieced together with a wonderful jazz score. Let me tell you that Kirschheimer’s work is very relaxing to watch and Free Time is no exception. Plus the hour-long movie will premiere in Film Forum’s Virtual Cinema, accompanied by Rudy Burckhardt’s 1953 film Under the Brooklyn Bridge which captures Brooklyn in the ‘50s.

Also opening in Film Forum’s Virtual Cinema Friday is Hong Khaou’s MONSOON (Strand Releasing) starring Henry Golding (Crazy Rich Asians) as Kit, who returns to Ho Chi Minh City for the first time since his family fled after the Vietnam War when he was six. As he tries to make sense of it, he ends in a romance with Parker Sawyers’ American ex-pat and forms a friendship with a local student (Molly Harris). Unfortunately, I didn’t have the chance to watch this one before finishing up this column but hope to catch soon, because I do like Golding as an actor.

I shared my thoughts on Werner Herzog and Clive Oppenheimer’s FIREBALL: VISITORS FROM DARK WORLDS, when it played at TIFF in September, but this weekend, it will debut on Apple TV+.  It’s another interesting and educational science doc from Herr Herzog, this time teaming with the younger Cambridge geoscientist and “volcanologist” to look at the evidence left behind by meteors that have arrived within the earth’s atmosphere, including the races that worship the falling space objects.

Opening at the Metrograph this week (or rather on its website) is Shalini Kantayya’s documentary CODED BIAS, about the widespread bias in facial recognition and the algorithms that affect us all, which debuted Weds night and will be available on a PPV basis and will be available through November 17. The French New Wave anthology Six In Paris will also be available as a ticketed movie ($8 for members/$12 for non-members) through April 13. Starting Thursday as part of the Metrograph’s “Live Screenings” is Steven Fischler and Joel Sucher’s Free Voice of Labor: The Jewish Anarchists from 1980. Fischler’s earlier doc Frame Up! The imprisonment of Martin Sostre from 1974 will also be available through Thursday night.

Sadly, there are just way too many movies out this week, and some of the ones I just wasn’t able to get to include:

Dating Amber (Samuel Goldwyn) The Giant (Vertical) I Am Greta (Hulu) Dirty God (Dark Star Pictures) Where She Lies (Gravitas Ventures) Maybe Next Year (Wavelength Productions) Come Away (Relativity) Habitual (National Amusements) The Ride (Roadside Attractions, Forest, ESX) Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (Netflix) Transference: A Love Story (1091) Sasquatch Among the Wildmen (Uncork’d) All Joking Aside (Quiver Distribution) Secret Zoo (MPI Medi Group/Capelight Pictures)

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, I think you’re very special and quite good-looking. Feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[all-hail-the-witcher]

cats the movie was created by the mafia and here's why

so since one (1) person said that they still wanna hear this theory imma post it

first, the reviews of cats are so mixed, it's confusing. im not even sure if everyone is talking about the same movie. lets look at some of the more wild ones:

but then i found these two:

both of these reviews (the second one especially) explicitly mention celebrities, which, made me think of a conspiracy theory

i once watched a video (i think it was a shane dawson one) where he discussed how people believe that it could be a possibility that the government uses celebrities and their scandals to distract the population from their wrongdoing and general mishaps. that being said, lets unpack what we know about cats:

-cats themselves (as in the animal) are generally very cute and people find them funny. it is commonly perceived by some that the internet - youtube specifically - is “that place with the cat videos” and people are very entertained by them (think about tik toks, twitter and tumblr threads, vines, and ig accounts) and even interact with cats if they happen to be allergic to them. it is safe to say that the human population has somewhat of an obsession with cats. 

-cats the musical is generally misunderstood by a lot of people. i have never actually seen it but from what i understand its a musical about cats competing to see who will die and theres one good song (memory). the internet has gone about about “what the heck is cats even about” for many years before the movie came out in the form of memes and other random internet jokes.

and now lets address the us government. right now most people agree that its plenty shitty for various reasons. even people in other countries Dont Get It. (im not going to get too into it because chances are if you have an internet connection you've heard about the shit the us government has done recently)

now. onto the movie itself. (hang onto your hats this is where it gets wild)

according to google, cats is a british american film. it is a well known fact that america was originally colonized by the british and we gained our freedom in 1776 (i really hope thats not news to you) but the war didnt end until the british surrendered at yorktown in 1781 and the treaty of paris wasn't signed until 1783. the british were notoriously salty afterwards, continuing to pirate american ships and do other generally annoying things which resulted in the war of 1812. it was not until after the war of 1812 (which officially ended in 1815) that the british recognized america was independent and actually started respecting them. britain and america were also allies and have famously teamed up to stop people from taking over the world (ie ww2 amongst others).

youre probably wondering what the hell this has to do with cats. stick with mw, we’re getting there.

in the weeks after the 2016 election, there were many memes circulating the internet along the lines of this:

needless to say, it was a wild time for america. 

now, admittedly, britain was Also in the midst of their own wild time because of brexit, but somehow the election results managed to kind of overshadow that (at least in america). 

so lets review some Important Dates:

-june 23, 2016 -> brexit is proposed

-november 8, 2016 -> 2016 election

-march 2017-> britain formally announces leaving the eu

additionally, in 2016 the worlds biggest superpowers were (in order) the us, russia, china, india, and the uk.

now, onto my theory.

the mafia has always notoriously been trying to be stopped by the government for their crime and is a strange organization with a lot of money. the mafia Does still exist although mostly in new england. since 2016 there has been a disconnect between the government and the people due to the staggering amounts that do not support the current president. the mafia may have seen this as an opportunity to overthrow the current government/president and cabinet and place their own person there so that they wouldn't get as much shit from the government. 

this theory does get a little bit complicated regarding the presidents suspected ties to the mafia. however, the mafia is very powerful and i have no doubt that they could have somehow blackmailed trump or implemented false records in order to depict the president falsely. or they could have tricked the president into working with them in order to gain secrets to help them overthrow him. the possibilities are endless. 

so in the time between the 2016 election and when britain formally announced leaving the eu, the mafia probably had some time to scheme a little, thinking up possible ways for them to overthrow the government. 

after britain announced leaving the eu, someone in the government must have realized that it was making britain widely unpopular and they should do something to clean up their image. so they take a peek around and happen to notice that america is royally fucked cause of the president and there are people threatening to move to canada cause of it.

but why is any of this of importance to britain?

well, britain used to be the top world superpower before ww2, but then were beat out by america both after the war and when they announced nsc 68, a plan to make amerias military stronger and provide aid to american allies being threatened by communism. although britain and america stayed allies, it is likely that britain may have been a bit salty about this. and, if they could somehow get rid of trump and weaken the country this may bump the us from the lead world superpower and (if they were lucky) also russia and china who the president was more or less involved with.

low and behold who has the same desires? the mafia.

so the mafia and britain team up to defeat the us government. but how will they do it?

my friends, that is where cats comes in. 

as stated, the government has previously used celebrity scandals to cover up and distract from their own. the mafia and britain would not have wanted to make this seem like anything out of the ordinary, so they decided to implement this form of distraction, but twisted it into grotesque exposure. but they needed a vehicle in which to use this

if you refer to my information on cats from before, american people love cats and cats the musical is a somewhat loved classic that makes little to no sense. additionally, theater fans have recently been calling for screen filmed shows so they dont have to spend lots of money on tickets (see newsies live and bandstand) so in order to pass this off as normal they chose to use cats.

howmst ever, they needed to make the american people not like cats anymore so that they wouldn't be easily distracted by them. how to accomplish this? make the cats in the movie cgi celebrities. 

the celebrity lineup of the movie is quite impressive, containing the following:

james corden, judi dench, jason derulo, idris elba, jennifer husdon, ian mckellan, taylor swift, and rebel wilson. 

these celebrities were all chosen for the type of audience they would draw in so that it would be as vast as possible. (old people, young people, middle aged people, etc).

the mafia paid these celebrities handsomely and coerced them into being in the movie. 

now, lets discuss the timeline. 

the movie itself premiered on december 20th and the mafia and britain would have begun creating it as soon as march of 2017. scripts take up to 12 weeks to write, putting them at june of 2017. pre production takes 10 weeks, putting them at about halfway through september 2017. it takes about an average of 10 weeks to film, putting them at december 2017. and, according to pixar, animating a movie can take between 4 and 7 years, however, the reviews have stated that cats only took about a year to animate the movie, putting it at about december 2018. this would give the mafia about 7 extra months for any needed editing or fixing between when they could have hypothetically started and ended the movie itself because the trailer came out in july of 2019.

they would have wanted to release the movie just before 2020 because that is when the next election takes place and they would need everyone to be immune to propaganda. 

the mafia and britain creating cats explains a lot of things such as:

-why james corden has not gone to see the movie

-why the animation is so horrifying

-why the movie was made in such little time

-why the celebrities in the movie are actually in the movie

-why the budget was able to be so large if it was an epic flop

-peoples general confusion as to why the movie was even made

see, they would have known that even if not a lot of people saw the movie, it would have made headlines just because of how bad it is, terrifying people of both the celebrities in it (remember this includes james corden, a prominent talk show host and taylor swift, one of the top song writers) and of cats themselves.

in conclusion, cats was filmed by the mafia and great britain in an attempt to overthrow the us government.

be careful who you vote for in 2020.

[wolfwhiteflowers]

RG movies and tv speculations

So since we’ve been getting lil non-confirmation news that the Rick movie(s) will be starting soon (like Jan. maybe), I’ve been thinking about it. Everyone’s reaction is all bringing back the same comments and concerns they said before. The fandom is skeptical and doubtful. Everyone’s tired and want closure. I get that. Anyway, I think it’s gonna happen at least the first one. We waited for like a year and some months for actual news of it starting. lol This all reminds me that it’s all show business, $$$, and hoping for GREAT writing and luck. Eh I really need to somehow have low expectations and stuff. :\ I think we waited more because of new deals, like movies being in theaters/Universal.(and it was always trilogy movies right?) I just want a good ending to Rick’s story. sigh.

I’m excited about the Rick movies starting, but then I’m like idk ..what to expect and, even if we get some kind of an idea, will it be good? idc about Jadis at all (but she’s the one who brings him to somewhere he’s at) Will Heath be there? ...and I hope Michonne will be in those movie(s)!!! It all comes down to great writing, cast, etc. Ahh.

I think I need to write down what I want and hope for...and also think of what would be the most disappointing ways and just be ...expecting less. bleh

-Random thought.. Maggie speculations... and spoilers!

I saw a post about if I still miss Maggie during s10. I realized that I don’t care that much. I guess it’s partly because of the writing and AMC...Maggie didn’t have other friends, loose end arcs in s9. I wasn’t that interested in Maggie in s8 or s9 because it’s like she was not with the TF that much and she’s mostly angry. :\ Then also her friends are all dead in Hilltop. But mainly, I don’t feel like I miss her because, even though it was a shitty “ending/exit” for her, she took her son and went with Georgie in a different community, and they’re doing fine. I think all the comic Maggie moments had been shown already - Negan plots. So in a way I feel Maggie’s story is done and fine/happy ending. But Maggie is returning to the show in s11 (and lil bit in s10 in some way that Idk). I think Maggie will be like a new character. Kind of like how everyone’s changed a bit from the big time jump. I think Maggie will be ..like comic Gov. Pamela or someone like that. Maggie might be president (like in the final comic issue/endgame/future.) Both comic characters are kinda similar. Idk but I’m curious what the writers will do with Maggie in s11. Maggie might be the ..erm “antagonist” or so. Yeah....I hope, if the show does it, it would be interesting and complex. But ofc it’s gonna rile up remaining TWD fans. Idk. ahh I really hope Hershel Jr isn’t gonna be like Sebastian. :| Idk..I liked Hershel Jr’s story even tho it upsets people but I liked his reasons. He misses his dad. So..I think s11 will be like s10 but kinda like Carol and Daryl/TF as the mains and Maggie introducing Commonwealth/communities..as a guest star? supporting character?. Kinda like we say Atlanta group but Morgan isn’t part of it but he’s still part of the group. Anyway, there’s gonna be a lot of traveling ..bigger world..political. Maggie is a main from the other side of the show.

-Other remixes (plots) I recently noticed that could be shown in s11. I think Aaron will be like comic Rick. Yumiko will be like comic Michonne with the lawyer stuff. Magna will be like comic Dwight-maybe, with not so loyal to Daryl.The mains will be adapting a lot to either comic Rick, Michonne, Carl, Andrea, Eugene’s plots.  Lydia is like Sophia or Carl. ???

- So I’m kinda wondering why the first movie is starting their pre-productions now in December. Idk much about movies and just speculating. I’m wondering if it’s to wait till DG is done filming and maybe even NR and MMB/and others to be done with s10. (filming was done before Thanksgiving). Maybe it’s also Jan to March is when the writers and GN are have time to write and set things up to film the movies. They had FTWD and TWD:WB to think about too and scripts. Idk but Gimple thinks he can do it. heh.

Anyway, so if it’s not about the timing or something, it would be cool if NR and MMB are part of the movie(s). They already have the contract deal to work for three years. Which it’s like I guess the show will end in s12? And that deal said like they’re also part of the TWD universe prj. so maybe they also do the movie(s). Idk. For me, I would love to have Carol and Daryl in the movie(s)! I think for show business it would be even better for Gimple to have all the mains and from other shows (FTWD, TWD:WB) in the movie(s) to be part of it. Because the movie(s) is a big deal right? They gotta sell it big. But Idk how that would work. Ahh I would love it if the movie(s) is a big Rlchonne and CaryI movie. :P

-My theory..my wishes...

I think Gimple kinda also wanted the first movie to be made after s10/after Michonne left the show-to find Rick. Idk when the movie will come out in theater but some fans say winter of 2020. So with that theory, it’s like s10 finale, movie-1, s11, movie-2, s12, and this could be where everyone comes together and do movie-3 for the final ending of Rick’s story (and maybe TWD show’s series finale).

oh tv gods, so many promises and commitments. O_O

-My wish so far(or an idea I hope it goes that I have rn)is that I want Carol and Daryl to be part of the movies...like C plot of the movie. I want Michonne to be reunited in first movie or be like a B-plot star of the movie.  Idk I have these ideas of how the movie(s) will go and I keep thinking of Lord of Rings for some reason or a movie where characters travel and reunite in the end.

-So I have these ideas so far of the movies. Michonne leaves to find Rick (without the kids). There’s a lot missions and traveling Michonne had to do to get to him, make friends, and maybe once she does find him and is with him, they both fight their way back home. First movie could be about why Rick couldn’t get back to his family, his recovery from his injury, introduce these new characters that are friends and foes.(Maybe some father and son trope in it?) Since, I’m a biased Carol fan/Caryler, I think Carol and Daryl will go travel with the Grimes kids to get the kids to be with their parents. I call it the Carol’s mission. Her story’s endgame might be like being able to have the Grimes kids protected, live, and have them be with their parents.

I feel like the Carol’s mission idea might not happen because it seem like it won’t work out. Maybe Carol’s mission will work in the third movie. I just think it’s part in plan (or not and writers just want Grimes legacy in the show and ratings stuff) that plan to have Carol to look after the Grimes kids as Michonne leaves in s10. Idk why Michonne will leave without her kids..but there’s a reason...idk what. Or, I’m wrong with this kids thing. From the s10B trailer and spoilers.., it seems like it’s Uncle Daryl looking after the Grimes kids. But what about Lydia? It seems like Carol is actually gonna be the one to look after her and be a parent figure to her. Idk why it’s like the writers switched this. In s9 and s10..writers kept like mentioning that Daryl is Lydia’s parent figure. So ?? Unless it’s some kinda pre-set up to the Caryl family? Carol bonding with Lydia, and Daryl bonding with Grimes kids..= Carylydia and Grimes kids.  Dixons and Grimes kids. ??? Anyway, I feel like Caryl will be part of the movies and travel or follow Michonne’s path to get her kids to her (in third movie maybe). It would be kinda like Caryl’s New Mexico dream/endgame in a way for them.

So those are my ideas..it’s a mess but it’s on the post. :) Now I go think of those headcanons/fanfics whenever and hope the movies goes... well.

-Man the writers gotta know their themes, tropes,...I hope uh Gimple really planned this story out.

Idk what the heck is gonna happen or how or even to think it will happen. But if the movie(s) do happen, I do hope it’s way better than the SW’s sequel trilogy movies. I hope the movies have good writing and a happy ending where the Grimes family are all together.

[jannepaule]

Practical Magic

I first learned about Chinggay Labrador through Candy Magazine and Summit Books' Popped series back in college. Years later I stumbled upon @practical_magical on Instagram where she does tarot stuff and well— practical magic.

Since then I've been curious about what the cards have in store for me but hesitated to book a reading for some reason until last December, I finally did it. #Yay! 

As the new decade begins and I turn twenty-five, I feel like a big chapter is opening up for me. I need new perspective on how to go about things and to allow paradigm shifts to happen (rough translation: what the heck am I gonna do with my life?) and so much fresh perspective is what I got. 

At beginning of the session, Chinggay explained that everything is connected and from there our conversation became free-flowing and all the cards that came up shown relevance, one way or another. 

We talked about career mostly but also goals and surprise, surprise the heart and internal shenanigans. 

Internal Battles

I knew that a lot my problems are internal. Admitting this out loud and discussing it for the first time with someone who won’t judge me seems like the first step to address the problem.  Since everything is internal, Chinggay said that I need to focus on the heart because it’s what needs balance right now. In every phase of our discussion, a card that represents the heart would come up.

8 of Cups – Just Walk Away: which meant letting go of emotional baggage that I probably don’t realize I still have up to this point (I thought I am done with this?!) and the feeling of comparing my life with others.

Ace of Cups – Let the Feelings Flow: Again, it’s the heart that needs help in terms of relationships and emotions. This is when she said something that I never considered but is actually true:  

“sometimes, naghahanap din tayo ng problem. When everything’s okay, sometimes we like a little bit of drama in our life” And I felt that. 

I also got the THE HIEROPHANT card which is the heart in the seven cards that represent my energies. The Hierophant is a teacher card and it is teaching me something right now.  She said that my heart is restless because there are so many things inside that needs to be communicated, hence, The Chariot Card appeared which tells me to speak up. 

"You can’t expect other people to read your mind, kailangan mong magsalita" , Chinggay said.

Getting a clarity on my heart’s situation made me realize where to start in navigating through my feelings and thoughts and that is from the inside. 

Goals: l Pacing and Progress

Career Growth

Career has been the main topic of our discussion. The first card I got for career is the Queen of Pentacles: Earth Mama. Chinggay said that I need to be in a situation where I feel taken care of and if my job affords a certain level of stability, it should be the bare minimum. That is exactly where I am right now. I’m in a much better place compared to my previous job and I am thankful for that every day. 

It is just that I am also starting to feel stuck and I wanted to know how to grow from here. I was told that it’s normal that my head is starting to question because I am hitting twenty-five, but not every thought needs to be acted on, as the Taming the Tiger: Do Not Let Your Fire Consume you card suggested, the card represents my mind.

The other cards relating to my career that came up where all pretty on point too. 

Page of Pentacles: RESPONSIBLE OBSERVER. This card represents my past and it could mean that I got into the job because it’s the responsible thing to do. Maybe the initial purpose of it (whether it might be because it’s the right thing/adult thing/grown-up thing to do) must have been fulfilled that is why I am starting to feel that I need to move on somehow.

Knight of Wands: Fire Cracker. The Knight of Wands is very impulsive and a travelling card, always wanting to leap which says a lot about my current situation.

SPACE EXPLORATION: Respect the Space available for Growth. This card represents the body. It means that I may feel trapped/confined but where I am right now has so much space available space to grow.

A change of perspective is all I need. I realized how I’ve been so focus in making changes in my current role at work that I am forgetting that I could still grow in other areas of my life.

★ Practical Magic tip: Your tendency to want to do something different doesn’t have to be related to your job/work. If you feel that your energy is getting stale, find a way to channel it to other avenues. Hold on to where you are first and exercise growth and adventure in other area.

The World. I got The World card for my future. It’s the last one in the major cards and the culmination of everything. It means that I am ending certain milestones in my life and it really feels like that. She told me that I need to look forward in the wrapping up of this chapter.

She further explained that this is leading to something bigger than what I can see from where I am. "The world is literally in your hands and if you waited out, you'll see it’s worth" she said. All the growth I am looking for will lead me to this world. This future. And this isn’t just about career but all other aspects of my life as well which left me feeling hopeful and thrilled to say the least.

Driving 

When we tackled goals, it’s weird that I didn’t mention losing weight and learning how to swim when these have been on my list in the past five years. Instead I told her about learning how to drive first, as if it has been on top of my head and it’s what my intuition is telling me all along. I almost want to give up on this goal but it’s funny how it connects my past, and how it could unlock so much possibilities in my current situation towards the future I am moving towards to: the world. 

Although I got The Chariot card as one of the seven cards that represents my energies, the card has an actual car pictured on it. I also got the 8 of Wands: Getting in the Fast Lane for my intuition card, which means moving and picking up pace already. If I think more how everything is connected, these two cards are pointing towards the driving. I need to take that lessons already.

★ Practical Magic Tip: Instead of setting of a specific time, set monetary goal for the driving lessons. Set aside specific amount of money each month until I reach the amount I needed to enroll for the driving classes, even if it’s not yet this year. (this is because I told her that instead for paying for the lessons, I tend to spend the money to other stuff aka travels. This made more sense and it seem more achievable. Discipline though!)

This tip actually opens another perspective not just in achieving the driving thing but in other goals as well. I realized that another internal problem I have is that I tend to box myself and my goals in the 365 days that only leads to disappointment when I don’t reach them by the end of the year. I didn’t realize that this is one of the “self-limiting mindset” I have when I was answering the Braver Goals workbook last January. Another aha! moment for me; new and important take on how to set out my plans for the next years. 

Saving up (for the House)

Saving up is a goal that has been on my list forever. Saving up for the house is something else, something bigger. I think I mentioned this because of the recent talks with my parents about our house. The cards I got honestly didn’t quite resonate with me at the moment but the gist of it is to not give up on the dream. It may not happen in the next few years, but I need to keep the house as the image in my head to keep striving.

Chinggay also explained that some of our goals are not just about the physical manifestation of what we want to achieve but it also means a lot symbolically. The driving could mean freedom from the discomfort of being stuck literally and figuratively. The house means stability and security and whether or not the house come to fruition, I would be able to find another way to find security and stability along the way—which made a lot of sense right?

As I learned through the reading, I thought that maybe learning how to swim also symbolizes being able to move around and being free, still related to removing myself from being stuck.

HOMEWORK 

To wrap up the session, Chinggay gave me a “homework”. From the deck, I picked three cards for: what I need to do, what I need to stop doing, and what I am doing right.

THE TOWER represents unexpected changes. What I need to do is to be that change instead of waiting for an outside force to make it happen. Maybe this part is called homework because I am really thinking about what I need to become that change that I need. 

8 OF WANDS: IN THE FAST LANE. Getting this card for what I need to stop doing conflicts with what my intuition is saying that I need to start moving fast. I think it surprised both me and Chinggay a little when this appeared, but she was able to explain it in a way that made so much sense.

My intuition is telling me that I need to pick up pace but my logic is always checking on how fast I am moving. I admitted to her that this is another internal problem I have: I tend to compare my speed with others and I don’t appreciate that I am actually moving. 

What I need to stop doing is putting pressure on myself about how fast I go. 

★ Practical Magic Tip: Stop measuring yourself in feet and in yards if your movement is really in inches. As long as you are doing things to get you moving, it’s fine.

THE EMPRESS. The Empress knows how to take care of herself, like the Queen of Pentacles that is all about self-care but she’s also very creative and restful. Your logic might be telling you that you are supposed to be hitting milestones already but the Empress moves through life in a relaxed manner. If that’s your pace, let it be your pace. This is what I am doing right. I think The Empress is spirit card. 

Other Practical Magic tips (and tricks):

8 of Wands: In the Fast Lane – This card represents my intuition and Chinggay said that my relationship to my intuition is strong because I pay attention to the discomfort. It is telling me that something needs to change and I need to pick-up pace. This when she said: 

“Baka kasi ang bagal ng mga nangyayari ngayon, na sobrang stable. Naghahanap ka ng something to make your heart feels like it’s beating again” And girl, this speaks to me on a different level.

7 of Swords – Watch Your Back. The card that represents my motivation is telling me to have fun but watch out for the feeling of passiveness which is the anxiety that is starting to creep me up right now. Ask yourself what makes you passionate, find that something that makes you excited. And your passion is not even about your purpose in life because purpose changes (five years ago, five years forward), she explained.

7 of Cups – Day Dream Believer. This one is for purpose in life and priority.  It’s saying to keep dreaming, keep aspiring and adding goals to your list. Give yourself new dreams.

8 of Swords – Trapped but Not Really. This card represents my creativity center, another one of the cards that represent my energies. It means that you are not as stuck as you think as you are. You need to have more fun to remind yourself that there is so much room for growth. (still relating to my career and feeling being stuck, amirite?)

7 of Pentacles – PATIENCE. This card came up when we’re discussing the driving goal. It tells me to be patient and give myself time and maybe not just about the driving but with the other goals as well. It also says a lot about my struggle with pacing. I need to be patient with own progress and my own pace.

#NoFilter: ASK THE QUESTIONS, PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE ANSWER. Repeating cards are like underlines that give emphasis to its message and I got this #NoFilter Card twice which I think also relates to the chariot card that is telling me to speak-up. All of this is just a way to get to know yourself better and the answers will help you in the next five years of your life when you enter your thirties she told me.

#NoFilter: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. This one came up when we’re talking about career and I think it should also fall under what I should stop doing. I tend to compare myself with others (or with just one particular person, tbh) that is why I am questioning my pace and progress.

The Death Card

Death card means that certain things need to die in order to make new things. Out of all the cards we pulled in this reading, this is the one that left the biggest question: 

“what are you willing to give up? What are you willing to sacrifice? Think of the things you need to let go so you can explore new things”

It seems big and daunting at first, in terms of stability it’s impulsive shopping and eating out where all my money goes that derail my goals. As for my internal battles, these feelings and thoughts that are weighing me down and holding me back. There is so much of it that I need to let go to be honest and on top of everything, old bad habits need to die to.

Since the death card is in the middle of all the cards, it means that I am in the middle of change. I must remember that I am in the process of getting there: the world. I don’t need to experience everything right now. 

The entire session has been quite enlightening. So much of the answers are inside of me and I know some them already but sometimes I just need another person to emphasize to me for it to make sense. More than what the cards says, Chinggay gave so much practical advices and did wonderful job in reading and explaining them for me. I am so grateful and glad that I took this chance. 

Having someone else offer a fresh perspective on to go about m minus the prejudice on how to look at life is exactly what I needed and doing this now seemed like the right time. 💖

I know that I won’t be able to figure out everything all at once but at least I know where to start directing my energies to. There is so much more to learn but as what she told me, “you don’t need to know all the answers right now.”

I’m in the process of discovering myself, still a work in progress.

If you reached the end of this very long post, thank you. I hope you get something out of it, too. And if you are interested in practical magic readings, you can find her website here.

P.S. She used PM Starter Deck, Quiet Mystic, and #NoFilter deck for our session.

[deeahhnuh]

2019!

I've done this year-in-review thing since 2007! 2007-2012 are over on my old LiveJournal, and 2013-on are right here on my Tumblr. :)

2020. 2020! That year sounds space-age or something lol, and not like it's just, well, tomorrow. Happy New Year, Tumblr!

What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?

Not too much, lol! I guess I just kept doing the things I usually do, but tried to do them better/improve them (when it comes to work!), or do more of them (fun times and family times!).

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Every year I mention that I don't really make New Year's resolutions - more like little goals all year! - but hey, it's a new decade! This year I think I will make a resolution that I will hold myself to. In 2020, I resolve to work hard - like really hard - on being healthy! Eat right, exercise, lose weight, work on maintaining less stress - be good to myself! I know everyone makes that kind of resolution, but it's a good one for a reason. :)

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Aw, no new babies this year!

Did anyone close to you die?

Sadly, yes... my uncle (my dad's oldest brother) passed away in May. ♥ We also lost a beloved neighbor in August.

What countries did you visit?

Lol, none!

What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?

I seemed to lack the ability to chill this year, haha - I stressed out about everything! :O So I’m ready to go with the flow better in 2020!

What date(s) from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Can’t think of any big dates, but this December marked 5 years since I graduated (and gave a speech at the departmental ceremony, to toot my own horn lol!) from the University of Maryland! Time is bizarre - 5 years feels both forever ago and also not that far back!

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I’ve been working in the registrar’s office at a community college for three years now! I love it, and I’m proud of the work I do!! :)

What was your biggest failure?

Everything’s a learning experience of course lol, but thankfully I didn’t goof too bad this year! ;)

Did you suffer illness or injury?

Oh my goodness, I started off the year with a thumping in my right ear (the name for it is “pulsatile tinnitus” - which somehow makes it sound scary!). :O Happily, that mess dissipated in a few months’ time, but it sure did worry (and annoy) me! Other than that - all good! :)

What was the best thing you bought?

I was very fortunate this year to buy a few things that really made me smile!

I do love a perfume! Dior Addict is a stunning, spicy vanilla (I love ‘em sweet!) that really hits the spot.

I’m also pleased, on the “I stan goofy dance music” front, to have found a couple of old Ministry of Sound compilations that I’ve had bookmarked on Amazon for awhile - they came back in stock this year and I snatched ‘em up. Anthems Sound of Dubstep (2012) is brash and obnoxious fun, and Sessions Ten (2013) is slightly less brash but just as obnoxious so I love it. They’re both releases from the Australian arm of MOS!

Oh and one of my fave used record stores had a copy of one of DJ Rap’s “Bad Girl” CD singles with mixes I didn’t have; I was kinda shocked to see it and very very happy to buy it! It was only 99 cents. Wow!! I do like a ridiculous deal! :)

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My mom is amazing, as always, and so are my dad and brother! I love my fam!!

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one!

Where did most of your money go?

See above - my more frivolous spending went toward perfume and goofy dance tunes, haha!

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I will never, ever forget opening a very special present for Christmas this year. I love and adore It’s a Wonderful Life, and I even wrote a paper about it in college. I used a fabulous book as one of my sources - The It’s a Wonderful Life Book by Jeanine Basinger - and since then I’ve always had it in the back of my mind to purchase it someday. It’s a fantastic keepsake kinda thing for a fan of the movie. Unfortunately it always seemed to be out of stock, or way too expensive to consider, so over time I kind of just put it on the back burner.

But just a few days ago on Christmas morning as we all opened gifts, I tore wrapping paper off a box, pulled off the box top, and bam - there it was. Decorative tissue paper obscured it, but I could see the book cover peeking through - The It’s a Wonderful Life Book! My mama, the best mama, found this awesome book for me! My Christmas - my year! - was made! ♥

What song will always remind you of 2019?

Here’s a Spotify playlist of the songs that I loved this year; most are old releases lol. New(er) songs and albums I loved this year:

“Like Sugar” by Chaka Khan. Funky!

“Lost in the Fire” by Gesaffelstein feat. The Weeknd. Cool and atmospheric!

“Lights Up” by Harry Styles. Boy band guy makes good lol! Great tune.

Mazy Fly (2019) by SPELLLING. Dark, richly layered, weird, beautiful.

The Destroyer - 1 and The Destroyer - 2 (2019) by TR/ST. Two EP-ish releases that make up a whole album-ish listen. The Destoyer - 1 slightly edges out the second release, but I just like hearing so much synthy TR/ST goodness!

Compared to this time last year (2018), are you:

Doin' all right, and hopeful for a great start to 2020!

What do you wish you'd done more of?

Listen to more albums - new or old! The last few years I seem to listen to a handful of albums a year, then spend the rest of my music-listening time playing dance music compilations. Ah well, maybe I'll catch up on my massive "to listen" list in the next decade lol!

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Stress (see above lol) - but I'm def working on it! :)

How did you spend Christmas?

Family time!! ♥

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2019?

Nothing, yay lol!

How many one-night stands?

None lol

What was your favorite TV program?

My silly cartoons! Family Guy, American Dad, Bob's Burgers, and SpongeBob SquarePants (lol idk, nostalgia is hard to kick!) still make me laugh even though I am otherwise a perfectly reasonable adult. :)

Bravo's Real Housewives - all of 'em! - crack me up and bring the totally ridiculous drama!

The Orville is fantastic, one of my fave more recent shows. I love the cast! Each episode really adds to their stories and builds the show's world. Looking forward to the next season!

Emergence is a great new sci-fi show with a strong cast - especially the sensible, big-hearted lead Allison Tolman - and suspenseful storyline!

I haven't seen the first season, and to be honest I don't think I'd be able to explain what the heck it's actually about because I'm easily confused, but American Gods caught my attention this year! The cast is excellent - even if the plot escaped me, lol, I really got into the characters.

And What We Do In The Shadows! Such a delight!!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?

I love a classic, slightly minimal style, but I'm just happy to look decently put-together lol!

What kept you sane?

My fam, my entertainment stuff (music, movies, TV, magazines), working with wonderful colleagues... ♥

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No! :O

What was the best book you read in 2019?

The It’s a Wonderful Life Book was probably the best book I read (well, most of it!) this decade. ♥

What was your greatest musical discovery?

SPELLLING is awesome - definitely an artist I'm excited to hear more from!!

What did you want and get?

I won't say The It’s a Wonderful Life Book again! :)

On a more serious note, I had my first MRIs in a while for MS maintenance - my previous neurologist retired and my new doctor wanted to get a baseline. I was very, very anxious about getting the results. My former doctor last ordered an MRI in 2011, so this was definitely a good and highly necessary step, but very nerve-wracking! I'm so fortunate to not be experiencing symptoms - and haven't since my initial occurrence of optic neuritis in '09 (though I was actually diagnosed with MS in 2011) - but what might the MRIs (brain and T- and C-spine) reveal?

I wanted to receive good results - a report of stability, not progression. And would you believe it? I did. My (amazing!) neurologist gave me the greatest news I had all year - stable, no new lesions, all good!! Of course this is for now - who knows about the future? - but I'm thrilled, and thankful. As this year ends and I reflect on all the good, this takes the cake!!

What did you want and not get?

Pffft, nothin' lol! I've got so many lovely things and reasons to be thankful - who could ask for more?!

What was your favorite film of this year?

Lol I did not see many new movies, but of the '19 films I saw, my fave was Knives Out! I only just saw it yesterday - what a fun way to close out the year! Fantastic cast, clever story, funny - just all-around entertainment.

I also loved Yesterday. All the Beatles references and the obvious affection for the group and their fans just felt like a great big hug! So good!

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Girl I'm well and truly a thirty-something now - 33!! I had fun! I did lots of little fun things with my fam - like shopping, watching movies, that kind of good stuff!

What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Like I said above - who could ask for more? Not me! :)

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I'm late to the David Harbour bandwagon - but better late than never!

And also Daniel Craig in Knives Out was a good thing.

What political issue stirred you the most?

Ew, there's something stirring like every hour or so.

Who did you miss?

Losing my grandmother at the end of last year really colored a lot of this year... and then losing my uncle added more shadows. ♥♥♥

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019?

I always answer this one with a twist on the Pet Shop Boys song title and my life philosophy - "Happiness is an option." So here we go! The chorus of the song acknowledges that "it is not easy," and some times are definitely like that. This year had those moments, and next year will too, because that's how life is! It is often not easy.

But! The last bit of the chorus follows "it is not easy" with "happiness is an option." Things can stink, but they can be okay too. That's what "happiness is an option" has always meant to me, and it means that just as much this year. Maybe even more!!

What quote can be used to sum up your year?

See above haha! "Happiness is an option” has been my fave quote for years, and I’m gonna keep on living it! :)