#also mind that my TV is ancient

[by-your-leave]

The Devilman 1987-90 DVD Collection being JP/NA region exclusive hmmm I may have to invest in the old VHS tapes

[mostlysignssomeportents]

I assure you, an AI didn’t write a terrible “George Carlin” routine

There are only TWO MORE DAYS left in the Kickstarter for the audiobook of The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

On Hallowe'en 1974, Ronald Clark O'Bryan murdered his son with poisoned candy. He needed the insurance money, and he knew that Halloween poisonings were rampant, so he figured he'd get away with it. He was wrong:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ronald_Clark_O%27Bryan

The stories of Hallowe'en poisonings were just that – stories. No one was poisoning kids on Hallowe'en – except this monstrous murderer, who mistook rampant scare stories for truth and assumed (incorrectly) that his murder would blend in with the crowd.

Last week, the dudes behind the "comedy" podcast Dudesy released a "George Carlin" comedy special that they claimed had been created, holus bolus, by an AI trained on the comedian's routines. This was a lie. After the Carlin estate sued, the dudes admitted that they had written the (remarkably unfunny) "comedy" special:

https://arstechnica.com/ai/2024/01/george-carlins-heirs-sue-comedy-podcast-over-ai-generated-impression/

As I've written, we're nowhere near the point where an AI can do your job, but we're well past the point where your boss can be suckered into firing you and replacing you with a bot that fails at doing your job:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/15/passive-income-brainworms/#four-hour-work-week

AI systems can do some remarkable party tricks, but there's a huge difference between producing a plausible sentence and a good one. After the initial rush of astonishment, the stench of botshit becomes unmistakable:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/jan/03/botshit-generative-ai-imminent-threat-democracy

Some of this botshit comes from people who are sold a bill of goods: they're convinced that they can make a George Carlin special without any human intervention and when the bot fails, they manufacture their own botshit, assuming they must be bad at prompting the AI.

This is an old technology story: I had a friend who was contracted to livestream a Canadian awards show in the earliest days of the web. They booked in multiple ISDN lines from Bell Canada and set up an impressive Mbone encoding station on the wings of the stage. Only one problem: the ISDNs flaked (this was a common problem with ISDNs!). There was no way to livecast the show.

Nevertheless, my friend's boss's ordered him to go on pretending to livestream the show. They made a big deal of it, with all kinds of cool visualizers showing the progress of this futuristic marvel, which the cameras frequently lingered on, accompanied by overheated narration from the show's hosts.

The weirdest part? The next day, my friend – and many others – heard from satisfied viewers who boasted about how amazing it had been to watch this show on their computers, rather than their TVs. Remember: there had been no stream. These people had just assumed that the problem was on their end – that they had failed to correctly install and configure the multiple browser plugins required. Not wanting to admit their technical incompetence, they instead boasted about how great the show had been. It was the Emperor's New Livestream.

Perhaps that's what happened to the Dudesy bros. But there's another possibility: maybe they were captured by their own imaginations. In "Genesis," an essay in the 2007 collection The Creationists, EL Doctorow (no relation) describes how the ancient Babylonians were so poleaxed by the strange wonder of the story they made up about the origin of the universe that they assumed that it must be true. They themselves weren't nearly imaginative enough to have come up with this super-cool tale, so God must have put it in their minds:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/29/gedankenexperimentwahn/#high-on-your-own-supply

That seems to have been what happened to the Air Force colonel who falsely claimed that a "rogue AI-powered drone" had spontaneously evolved the strategy of killing its operator as a way of clearing the obstacle to its main objective, which was killing the enemy:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/04/ayyyyyy-eyeeeee/

This never happened. It was – in the chagrined colonel's words – a "thought experiment." In other words, this guy – who is the USAF's Chief of AI Test and Operations – was so excited about his own made up story that he forgot it wasn't true and told a whole conference-room full of people that it had actually happened.

Maybe that's what happened with the George Carlinbot 3000: the Dudesy dudes fell in love with their own vision for a fully automated luxury Carlinbot and forgot that they had made it up, so they just cheated, assuming they would eventually be able to make a fully operational Battle Carlinbot.

That's basically the Theranos story: a teenaged "entrepreneur" was convinced that she was just about to produce a seemingly impossible, revolutionary diagnostic machine, so she faked its results, abetted by investors, customers and others who wanted to believe:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theranos

The thing about stories of AI miracles is that they are peddled by both AI's boosters and its critics. For boosters, the value of these tall tales is obvious: if normies can be convinced that AI is capable of performing miracles, they'll invest in it. They'll even integrate it into their product offerings and then quietly hire legions of humans to pick up the botshit it leaves behind. These abettors can be relied upon to keep the defects in these products a secret, because they'll assume that they've committed an operator error. After all, everyone knows that AI can do anything, so if it's not performing for them, the problem must exist between the keyboard and the chair.

But this would only take AI so far. It's one thing to hear implausible stories of AI's triumph from the people invested in it – but what about when AI's critics repeat those stories? If your boss thinks an AI can do your job, and AI critics are all running around with their hair on fire, shouting about the coming AI jobpocalypse, then maybe the AI really can do your job?

https://locusmag.com/2020/07/cory-doctorow-full-employment/

There's a name for this kind of criticism: "criti-hype," coined by Lee Vinsel, who points to many reasons for its persistence, including the fact that it constitutes an "academic business-model":

https://sts-news.medium.com/youre-doing-it-wrong-notes-on-criticism-and-technology-hype-18b08b4307e5

That's four reasons for AI hype:

to win investors and customers;

to cover customers' and users' embarrassment when the AI doesn't perform;

AI dreamers so high on their own supply that they can't tell truth from fantasy;

A business-model for doomsayers who form an unholy alliance with AI companies by parroting their silliest hype in warning form.

But there's a fifth motivation for criti-hype: to simplify otherwise tedious and complex situations. As Jamie Zawinski writes, this is the motivation behind the obvious lie that the "autonomous cars" on the streets of San Francisco have no driver:

https://www.jwz.org/blog/2024/01/driverless-cars-always-have-a-driver/

GM's Cruise division was forced to shutter its SF operations after one of its "self-driving" cars dragged an injured pedestrian for 20 feet:

https://www.wired.com/story/cruise-robotaxi-self-driving-permit-revoked-california/

One of the widely discussed revelations in the wake of the incident was that Cruise employed 1.5 skilled technical remote overseers for every one of its "self-driving" cars. In other words, they had replaced a single low-waged cab driver with 1.5 higher-paid remote operators.

As Zawinski writes, SFPD is well aware that there's a human being (or more than one human being) responsible for every one of these cars – someone who is formally at fault when the cars injure people or damage property. Nevertheless, SFPD and SFMTA maintain that these cars can't be cited for moving violations because "no one is driving them."

But figuring out who which person is responsible for a moving violation is "complicated and annoying to deal with," so the fiction persists.

(Zawinski notes that even when these people are held responsible, they're a "moral crumple zone" for the company that decided to enroll whole cities in nonconsensual murderbot experiments.)

Automation hype has always involved hidden humans. The most famous of these was the "mechanical Turk" hoax: a supposed chess-playing robot that was just a puppet operated by a concealed human operator wedged awkwardly into its carapace.

This pattern repeats itself through the ages. Thomas Jefferson "replaced his slaves" with dumbwaiters – but of course, dumbwaiters don't replace slaves, they hide slaves:

https://www.stuartmcmillen.com/blog/behind-the-dumbwaiter/

The modern Mechanical Turk – a division of Amazon that employs low-waged "clickworkers," many of them overseas – modernizes the dumbwaiter by hiding low-waged workforces behind a veneer of automation. The MTurk is an abstract "cloud" of human intelligence (the tasks MTurks perform are called "HITs," which stands for "Human Intelligence Tasks").

This is such a truism that techies in India joke that "AI" stands for "absent Indians." Or, to use Jathan Sadowski's wonderful term: "Potemkin AI":

https://reallifemag.com/potemkin-ai/

This Potemkin AI is everywhere you look. When Tesla unveiled its humanoid robot Optimus, they made a big flashy show of it, promising a $20,000 automaton was just on the horizon. They failed to mention that Optimus was just a person in a robot suit:

https://www.siliconrepublic.com/machines/elon-musk-tesla-robot-optimus-ai

Likewise with the famous demo of a "full self-driving" Tesla, which turned out to be a canned fake:

https://www.reuters.com/technology/tesla-video-promoting-self-driving-was-staged-engineer-testifies-2023-01-17/

The most shocking and terrifying and enraging AI demos keep turning out to be "Just A Guy" (in Molly White's excellent parlance):

https://twitter.com/molly0xFFF/status/1751670561606971895

And yet, we keep falling for it. It's no wonder, really: criti-hype rewards so many different people in so many different ways that it truly offers something for everyone.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/29/pay-no-attention/#to-the-little-man-behind-the-curtain

Back the Kickstarter for the audiobook of The Bezzle here!

Image:

Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

--

Ross Breadmore (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/rossbreadmore/5169298162/

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[nightingaelic]

Things that are Now Fallout Canon

(according to the Special LIVE Report from Galaxy News that preceded the Fallout TV series' teaser trailer release on December 2, 2023)

Vault 33, the focus vault of the Fallout television series, is located beneath Santa Monica, California. It's also implied to be very, very expensive to get into.

Bottle and Cappy, the mascots for Nuka-Cola and its theme park, Nuka-World, were about to embark on a seventeen-movie-long series of animated films before the bombs fell.

The sinking of the RMS Titanic happened in Fallout's alternate universe. The news announcer jokes about the world going down like the infamous ship, including the deadly lack of lifeboats.

Camels exist in this universe, too! The news announcer actually fucks this one up, because he says dromedary camels have two humps - dromedary camels have one hump, while Bactrian camels have two. Or maybe we'll get a sound bite from Todd Howard in a few months where he claims the camel breed names are swapped in Fallout, who knows.

Pets were not allowed in the commercially-advertised vaults. The news announcer regrettably informs listeners that they can't bring their cats, dogs, or even fish with them due to logistical concerns and safety hazards, but they are more than welcome to purchase Vault-Tec-branded gravestones and hold pet funerals before they move underground. Hypothetically-speaking, it wouldn't surprise me if people tried to smuggle their animals in, anyway.

Someone stole the Fallout universe's original moon landing flag from the Museum of Technology in Washington, D.C. - another headline report, with no further details. It was in the same exhibit as the Virgo II lunar lander, which stayed put for at least 200 years.

Vault Boy was named "World's Sexiest Man" in 2077 (when the report is being aired) - no word about which publication or organization bestowed this title upon an animated mascot.

Vault-Tec trademarked the thumbs-up emoji in the Fallout universe - which is very much in character for the company, but something about there being emojis in the world at all hit me wrong.

Vault-Tec instituted a "breeder search program" alongside vault placement purchases, and encouraged polyamory to get people to procreate (and buy more vault spots). I'll admit that this one seems plausible but shaky, because by this point in the report the news announcer is losing his mind while stalling for the vault door to open, and he might just be making shit up.

Nuka-Cola ran its own version of the Pizza Hut "BOOK IT!" reading program, called "ZAP IT!" Kids were required to read over 10,000 books to win rewards. If we use picture books for the math, and allow for five minutes to read each book, that's about 833 hours (34 straight days) of reading to get some soda.

Moby-Dick by Herman Melville and the ancient Greek myth of Daedalus and Icarus both exist in the Fallout universe.

Resulting Thoughts

"The ghoul" in the show is possibly named Howard - unsure if that's a first or last name. In the teaser trailer, Walton Goggins (who plays the ghoul) is shown dressed like a Hollywood cowboy on the day of the Great War, riding a horse to try to escape the nuclear bombs that hit Los Angeles with an unidentified child. Meanwhile, the Galaxy News headlines report that a box office hit called "The Man From Deadhorse" is getting a sequel, which is currently filming at California Crest Studios, and the news announcer says the film is "Howard-led." Whether the ghoul is the lead actor, we don't know, but it seems like a solid enough hint at his origins.

I'm glad that the show is going to delve more into the idea of the haves and have-nots, what with vault entrance being both selective and expensive. The most recent games in the series don't talk about this enough, in my opinion.

This isn't specific to the show adaptation, but it's becoming more noticeable to me that the Fallout series is crawling forward in terms of relating to modernity. I'm not sure how to feel about this - for example, I don't really mind if the soundtrack of Fallout 76 features the Beach Boys and other 1960s songs when it used to be strictly limited to 1930s and 40s music. On the other hand, I thought that using a news announcer that sounds more like a modern podcast host than a Transatlantic-accented journalist was an odd choice, and as I said above, I really did not like the idea that pre-war America knows what an emoji is. I'll get over it, but I'm anticipating that there will be some more artistic choices in the adaptation (and future games) that rub me and others the wrong way because they don't fit our definition of what Fallout "is." I'm not saying anything new, people have been arguing about that forever.

Overall, I'm excited. We're probably not getting a new Fallout game until 2030, so I might as well try to enjoy this. I will be keeping my bingo cards handy, though.

Anyway, I transcribed the damn report because I'm very normal. Feel free to use!

Fallout - A Special LIVE Report from Galaxy News

with occasional commentary from yours truly

[An upbeat, strings-led orchestral jingle plays, and black-and-white picture focuses on a spinning, silver globe. The globe is being circled by a vintage toy rocket. The words "GALAXY NEWS" fly in, and are quickly wiped and replaced by script declaring "Vault-Tec Presents..." The picture is circle-wiped and transitions to a high view of a vault entrance, with no visible script or markings to indicate which vault it is. The large, circular vault door is closed, and the access bridge to the door is not connected. A timer counting down from 60 minutes is overlaid in the bottom left corner, just above the Galaxy News globe logo and a signal tower graphic next to the word "LIVE." News headlines scroll along the bottom of the screen, the first of which reads "GALAXY NEWS SIGNS 10-YEAR PARTNERSHIP DEAL WITH VAULT-TEC." The headlines are separated by small lightning bolt graphics. The music continues throughout, and a male news announcer's voice cuts in.]

Good morning! Or, afternoon! Or evening, depending on where in the world you are. If you're just tuning in with us now, you're in for a treat. Welcome to the unveiling of Vault 33, one of the flagship vaults of Vault-Tec's arsenal of vaults.

[The second scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC VOTED AMERICAN COMPANY WITH BRIGHTEST FUTURE."]

Galaxy News is here live with an exclusive look at the next generation of apocalypse-proof, purpose-built luxury housing, sponsored by our friends at Vault-Tec. Vault-Tec: Revolutionizing safety for an uncertain future.

[The third scrolling headline reads "ROBCO INTERPLANETARY PROBE PROBES DEEPER INTO SPACE THAN ANY PROBE HAS PROBED BEFORE."]

If you're a regular viewer of our programming, we consider you an astute, engaged citizen, doing your part to stay informed on the latest news impacting this beautiful country of ours, and so it will be no surprise to you that we are on the precipice of a nuclear armageddon. But, fear not, Vault-Tec is building the ultimate shelter-in-place solution for the more doomsday-savvy customer: A veritable ark meticulously designed to weather the geopolitical storm surely headed our way any day now. And for the first time on live broadcast, the fine folks at Vault-Tec will be giving you a tour of their newest product unveiling, from the comfort of your home.

[The announcer takes a break, and the music swells. The vault remains closed, and no activity whatsoever is visible around it. It might as well be a static image. The fourth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-WORLD BREAKS ATTENDANCE RECORD FOR FOURTH STRAIGHT YEAR. GALACTIC ZONE GIVEN CREDIT FOR INCREASED NUMBERS." The initial song ends, and a new strings song with a more staccato rhythm begins. The news announcer returns.]

Welcome, once again, to Vault 33, nestled in the coastal west side of sunny Los Angeles County, and minutes from the yet-to-be-destroyed, bustling downtown promenade. Should nuclear annihilation one day come for this quiet beach-side town, you can take comfort in knowing you are safely buried deep, deep below what numerous trade publications once called "one of the best places to live." Right now, ladies and gentlemen, what you're looking at is peace of mind. Billions and billions of dollars and decades of R&D funneled into the high-grade protection engineering that only Vault-Tec can bring you.

[The fifth scrolling headline reads "WE ASKED OUR VIEWERS TO ANSWER A SIMPLE QUESTION: WHAT IS THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH AND WHY IS IT AMERICA? HEAR THE RESULTS TONIGHT AT 10PM EST." At this point, the news announcer starts to sound less formal and more excited.]

Aren't we a bunch of lucky ducks! Vault-Tec has tapped us into their closed loop security feed to bring you a sneak peek behind a vault entrance airlock. That large, fortified steel blast door you see there is the only thing standing between you and the rads.

[The sixth scrolling headline reads "UNITED STATES AGAIN ACCUSED OF ATMOSPHERIC COUNTER-ESPIONAGE BY THE REDS."]

Very soon - very soon, I'm told - Arnold? Are we - yeah - and we're very soon, and we're very soon. Very, very soon, I'm told, that gear door will open, and Galaxy News will be on the ground to give you all a walking tour of the facilities! Including the accommodations one might expect in a state-of-the-art, modern residence thanks to a partnership with RobCo Industries and some of your shelf-stable forever favorites like BlamCo and Sugar Bombs! There's nowhere to hide from explosive good taste! Boom!

[The news announcer disappears again, and the strings conclude and are replaced with a meandering clarinet-led number. Several scrolling headlines go by: "U.S. RENEWS DEFENSE CONTRACT WITH WEST TEK, HERALDS VALUE OF POWER ARMOR IN ALL THEATERS OF WAR." "ESPIONAGE THREAT SUBDUED IN DOMESTIC URANIUM MINES." "PRESIDENT DECLARES NUCLEAR STOCKPILE 'SAFE ENOUGH.'" "BULLETIN OF THE ATOMIC SCIENCES SETS DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO HALF A NANOSECOND TO MIDNIGHT." "ATLAS OBSERVATORY CHRISTENS NEW TELESCOPE, RE-COMMITTING TO A NON-VIOLENT PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE." The song ends, a new one begins, and the news announcer returns. The vault still hasn't opened, and he's dropped what was left of his professional tone.]

And we are... stalled out. We're still... having technical difficulties. You know, sometimes things go bad and there's just no way you can plan. It's kind of like what's happening with the world right now, there's no way you could've been born into the world and know how you were going to end - know how the world would end. How will the world end, in fire or in ice? Well, it turns out -

[laughter]

It turns out it's gonna be fire...

[The twelfth scrolling headline reads "CHRISTMAS TOY TRENDS: RETAILERS REPORT SHORTAGE OF POWER ARMOR FIGURINES."]

Arnold! What's that? Okay. Yes.

[sound of paper pages being flipped through]

Okay. Arnold just handed me a fun fact. We're gonna do fun facts, fun facts.

[The thirteenth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA QUANTUM GETS FDA APPROVAL, FOUND TO CONTAIN 'HEALTHY AMOUNT OF RADIATION."]

Fun fact about the construction of these massive vaults: They use concrete. Hm. That hardly counts as a fun fact, Arnold. Now is there an update on when the door... the door's gonna be open? Arnold? I'm sorry, is there an update on the door? Is there an update on the crane? Is it a crane problem, or a door problem? Is it a pr- is it a crane problem, or a door problem? Arnold? Arnold! Arnie!

[sigh]

Okay...

[The news announcer gives up, and a song with a lot of muted trumpet comes in to serenade more scrolling headlines. "NO ONE'S BEATING THIS DEADHORSE. 'THE MAN FROM DEADHORSE' TOPS BOX OFFICE. A SEQUEL IS ALREADY IN THE WORKS AT CALIFORNIA CREST STUDIOS." "ATLAS WEATHER EXPERIMENT BELIEVED TO BE THE CAUSE OF UNEXPECTED SNOW FLURRY IN LOS ANGELES." "DEVELOPING: REDS CONTINUES TO DENY EXISTENCE OF STEALTH SUBMARINES, US INTELLIGENCE SUGGESTS OTHERWISE." Woodwinds replace the trumpet, and the news announcer returns, pivoting to an unrehearsed sales pitch for his sponsor.]

If you have the money, please - please, guys - get a Vault-Tec vault. Get in there! Think of it as a life raft, a bit. Our country is the Titanic, and these vaults are the life rafts - right? - attached to the side of it.

[The seventeenth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA MASCOTS 'BOTTLE AND CAPPY' TO APPEAR IN ANIMATED FILM FROM CALIFORNIA CREST STUDIOS. WILL BE THE FIRST IN A SEVENTEEN PICTURE DEAL BETWEEN THE COMPANIES."]

Now, were there enough life rafts on the Titanic? If you remember - no, no there weren't enough, and so many, many people died, and so, it's a nice allegory actually, because they're not going to die in the freezing ocean, which would be - actually, it's a little faster to die by fire than it is by drowning in the cold, so it is kind of an advantage to be dying now, th- rather than on the Titanic, the RMS Titanic.

[The eighteenth scrolling headline reads "SUPPLY LINES FOR RED FORCES BREAKING DOWN." Sort of like this announcer. He pivots again.]

Now - can you call a survivor of a nuclear holocaust a person, anymore? I don't know. Their brain is going to be cottage cheese, and they will be crawling... crawling on the ground, stuffing sand in their mouth, their blind eyes melted out, like the white of an egg, just dripping and dribbling out of their eye sockets.

[The nineteenth scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC ANNOUNCES COMPLETION OF VAULT 33 UNDER SANTA MONICA, CA."]

They raise their face towards their... god... and scream, "Nooooo! Whyyyyyy! What did it all mean?" It turns out it didn't mean much if you didn't get a spot in a Vault-Tec vault."

[The twentieth scrolling headline reads "MILITARY UNITS SENT TO QUELL UNREST IN SEVERAL STATES."]

"Now, let's talk about the luxury interiors of Vault-Tec vaults. We have camel leather. You've heard of cow leather. Probably. Camel leather is a great deal softer, isn't it? It comes from the camel, who keep their water on their backs in a hump. Sometimes two, if they're a dromedary. Now, let's talk about camel leather and why it is more supple, and why it is cooler to the touch, and we can talk about it forever but what you want is luxury, what you need is safety: Where you go is Vault-Tec. That's it.

[I feel like I need to point out that dromedary camels only have one hump, and no camels store water in their humps: It's actually just fat up there that they can live off of while traversing deserts. Regardless, the announcer is gone again. The scrolling headlines remain. "NUKA CORP SPINS OFF ATOMIC RESEARCH ARM INTO SEPARATE CORPORATE ENTITY AFTER SEC APPROV." "SUPER DUPER MART ANNOUNCES RECALL OF BLAMCO MAC & CHEESE FOR TRACE AMOUNTS OF DAIRY." "VAULT-TEC STOCKS SOAR AS US ECONOMY BECOMES FEAR-BASED." "BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, FIREARMS AND LASERS TAKE DOWN NATIONWIDE WEAPONS SMUGGLING RING." Another woodwind-heavy song starts up, and so does our announcer.]

Um... Arnold?

[throat clearing]

Arnie! Can we- do- do we have a- can we start a clock? Can we - is there, like, anything we can do? I feel like people need something to hold onto, there's a lot of empty air. There's a lot of dead air, here. People need something to hold onto, people are freaking out, and I'm freaking out because I like to have - I like to bring people comfort - uh, in, in this crazy time. There's, there's only a few things you can predict -

[laughter]

In - in the world, and uh, I thought that opening the vault on time would be one of those things.

[The twenty-fifth scrolling headline reads "MILITARY SETS THREAT LEVEL OF POSSIBLE BIOLOGICAL WEAPON ATTACK FROM REDS TO HIGH."]

I was kind of counting on it as a - a thing that would bring some amount of normalcy, some amount of comfort. Something happening the way it's supposed to in a world that feels like it has been turned upside down by evil. But, unfortunately that is not the case. Here we are. Another thing we don't know. Another thing we have to grapple with.

[The twenty-sixth scrolling headline reads "TEDDY FEAR MANUFACTURER SETTLES CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT, DENIES TOY BEAR CAUSES SLEEP PARALYSIS NIGHTMARES IN CHILDREN."]

This particular vault and these technical difficulties that we're having right now have absolutely nothing to do with the product that you will buy when you buy a Vault-Tec vault. Now, Vault-Tec vault living is living the dream, and it's the only way to safety unless you're... the President of the United States, or something like that, and you have a mountain in Colorado to go under and direct the events of the world. Not many of us are that, there's only one of those... uh, and his various and sundry advisors, I'm sure they'll be fine, but you won't! You won't be fine!

[The twenty-seventh scrolling headline reads "WERE TEDDY FEAR BEARS MISUNDERSTOOD? ONE PSYCHOLOGIST THINKS SO."]

If a vault is out of your price range, there are lower-cost alternatives to purchasing a spot with Vault-Tec. They don't sound... good, if you ask me. Anti-radiation pills? Good luck with that. Not sure how anti-radiation pills will hold up against temperatures rivaling the surface of the sun, for example. But maybe that's just me!

[He's gone again. We're 15 minutes into the countdown, and the woodwinds have really started to outdo their own whimsy, at this point. Headlines continue. "TEDDY FEARS SKYROCKET IN POPULARITY AND PRICE DUE TO SCARCITY CAUSED BY RECALL." "VAULT-TEC ANNOUNCES NEWLY AVAILABLE SINGLE VAULT SPACES FOR SALE." "THIS YEAR'S FALLOUT SUIT DESIGN FEATURES ENHANCED PROTECTION, 20% MORE ZIPPERS." The whimsical woodwinds finish up and a bouncy, brassy horn piece takes over. This summons the announcer.]

When you see that vault, it's all gonna be worth it, fellas. It's all gonna be worth it when you see that vault. Now kids, you're probably wondering: Can I bring my pet doggy, or my pet kitty, into the vault? You can't. Unfortunately... it's a hazard in so many different ways. Uh... tch, uh, their hair can get caught in the ventilation system, you'll have endless problems, where do you put their waste? Where do you put... their food? So many, so many problems, so... we have specially-made Vault-Tec gravestones.

[The thirty-first scrolling headline reads "VIRGO II LUNAR LANDER NOW ON DISPLAY AT MUSEUM OF TECHNOLOGY IN WASHINGTON, D.C."]

We have specially-made Vault-Tec pet gravestones for your children to have many funerals for their pets before you go into your Vault-Tec vault. Memorialize your pets now with Vault-Tec mini pet gravestones! Dig a hole in the sand, put the pet in there, and put that gravestone - and it's got a space where you can write the pet's name - right before you go in the vault, no pets in the vault. Not even fish. No, not even fish.

[The thirty-second scrolling headline reads "FLAG FROM VIRGO II LUNAR LANDING STOLEN FROM MUSEUM OF TECHNOLOGY." The news announcer is really getting aggravated.]

What is happening? What is - Arnie! What is - what is happening? Okay - okay! Alright!

[The music and the headlines fill the space again. "NUKA-WORLD TO RAISE TICKET PRICES FOR UPCOMING SEASON, EXPECTING AN 'EXPLOSIVE' YEAR." "GWINNETT ANNOUNCES NEW PALE ALE SO PALE IT'S TRANSPARENT." "HAPPY NATIONAL SOCK HOP DAY!" "VAULT BOY NAMED WORLD'S SEXIEST MAN." The news announcer tries again, attempting to play up the complete inactivity happening onscreen.]

So much is happening here, we've got... the crane, as you can see, it's - it's about to be lowered, and I'm told - and I'm told... the weather. The inclement weather is - keep - I think the weather... there's a pressure cha- it needs to be - yes, of course. The pressure needs to be right to open the vault, or else the differential pressure between underground and overground will cause... a, uh... uh, the furniture to, uh...

[The thirty-seventh scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC REGISTERS TRADEMARK ON THE THUMBS UP EMOJI." This one made me physically recoil.]

L- Look... get a Vault-Tec vault. If you can't afford a whole vault for your family, that's fine. Buy time in a timeshare, one of our timeshares. And it's not the kind of timeshare you're going to regret, this is one that's not a scam, because you can look down at your intact body in a Vault-Tec vault and say, "Look at me! I'm whole!"

[The thirty-eighth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA PATRIOTICALLY SALUTES SUCCESS OF NEWEST FLAVOR LAUNCH - NUKA-COLA VICTORY. EXCLUSIVE REDESIGN COMING NEXT YEAR WITH 'A TASTE AS SWEET AS FREEDOM.'"]

Stay whole in a Vault-Tec vault! Keep it together, meaning your corporeal form! Keep it together in a Vault-Tec vault! You'll be skipping around in a workout area, and... check out those barbells! Why not work those biceps while you're down here? What if there's an emergency, and somebody breaches your Vault-Tec vault door? Well, you're gonna want to be in shape to fight off that rageful beast!

[At this point the scrolling headlines loop back to the beginning.]

Now, is it a human? If you kill it, will its soul go to heaven or hell? Don't worry about it! Just get it out, because even its presence in your Vault-Tec vault could kill you and your entire family! These people are irradiated. It's not healthy, right? It's like putting your hand on a radiator. Don't do it.

[Music break. That vault still isn't opening. The song ends, and the news announcer clears his throat.]

We don't... have the exact scoop yet, ladies and gentlemen, so Arnie, why don't we put some music on while we wait for the skinny?

[noticeable pause]

I- I- I- I- don't know what song, put on anything, I'm dying up here.

[The next song opens with energetic trumpets that sound like they're charging through a movie theater snack stand. It's followed by a big band track that seems to re-energize the announcer.]

And, if you're just joining us, we're preparing to head inside the latest and greatest product offering from Vault-Tec. Vault 33, a pristine subterranean society purpose-built for America's best and brightest to wait out the nuclear fallout. There's no telling what will remain once this global conflict reaches its inevitable conclusion: That's why it's important for patriots like you to purchase a guaranteed spot in America's future. It's up to you to keep our golden society going, propagating forth until we have the ranks to repopulate the world outside.

"What if I don't have a partner or family right now?" you may be asking. "Don't give up on love so soon!" I say. Where better to meet eligible partners than in a cherry-picked community of like-minded individuals? If you find you need a bit more assistance, Vault-Tec has breeder search programs to help you find the one, or the two, or the three, four, five! Vault-Tec is a very open society, so go ahead and purchase that single vault space, and that single may become a double before you know it! And what better place to find someone to love, than safe underground?

Please stay tuned as we prepare to bring the crew, and the world at large, inside our Vault-Tec facility.

"But what if I don't have the money for a vault right now?" you may be thinking. You should never let not having the funds today stop you from reaching your dreams. You can always pay tomorrow, into perpetuity. Vault-Tec is reportedly constructing financial packages that allow for customers to continue payments on select economy vaults, in the event of total societal extinction. So don't worry, purchase away! Vault-Tec upholds traditional American values, and they believe no one should be excluded from the pursuit of life, liberty, and debt.

[Music break, wherein the song concludes and switches to something more pensive and staccato.]

A- Alright? Yes? Arnold is telling me - yes? We are moments away! Moments away - from having some kind of movement here. I'll believe that when I see it. Sorry Arnie, but your credibility with me could not be any lower at this point.

Let's talk about the amenities in these concrete miracles. Radiation King will be providing television sets, modern kitchen appliances.

[throat clearing]

The sofas will be... I'm sorry, do we know who makes the sofas? I'm sorry, do we - do we know who makes the sofas? Do we know who makes the sofas? Arnold, do we know who makes the sofas?

[Arnold does not reply. The announcer is miffed.]

What else is new. Yeah.

[Dejection turns to anger immediately.]

If you could please just give me something? If you could please just give me something to update? I'm sitting here with nothing! I'm sitting here... with nothing! This isn't my job! I'm a journalist! I report things, I don't... vamp! Is there even a - is, is there a clue? Is there, do the crane people - have the crane people chimed in? Have the door people chimed in? Is it all one person?

[Arnold presumably says some inaudible form of "I don't know." This does not please the news announcer.]

Well maybe con- maybe connect yourself to them. You should get yourself a radio. Get yourself a radio, Arnold. That's your job, to communicate with me the facts about what's going on, and it's my job to communicate to the people who are watching - we're trying to save their lives - you know, and this isn't advertising for me. This is a product I believe in!

Arnold, what do you do? What skills do you - are you somebody's son? Are you - are you somebody's kid, or something?

[Arnold can finally be heard, somewhat garbled from distance or technology: "My uncle is, uh, is the general manager of Galaxy News, your employer." The news announcer considers this.]

Your uncle is the manager of Galaxy New - mmm. Well, that explains how you got this internship. I'm sorry for everything I said, but... you can understand my frustration, here.

[The music concludes, but the announcer keeps going.]

The, uh, vault foreman is out here, and he is, uh, uh, doing hand signals. Ooh, yes, it's going to be a while, let's play some music for the people, Arnie.

[A new song starts. We're nearly 30 minutes into the countdown before the song switches over and the news announcer starts up again.]

All right folks, we have an update! They've got eyes on the gatekeeper out walking the grounds. It appears he was attempting to retrace his steps after misplacing the key and his wallet - still no word on the key itself, please stand by for more on the wallet, as this story continues to unfold.

Still on standby as we wait for the situation in the vault to resolve, but folks, there is plenty to get the American public up to speed on in the meantime. World news stories! Breaking, breaking news from the international desk. Peace negotiations between America and her adversaries crumbled in Anchorage, Alaska, this past weekend, a city recently liberated from foreign occupation, leading experts to believe nuclear war is indeed on the horizon. One more reason, America, to tune into the presentation Vault-Tec has for us today. Preparation, resilience, and smart spending are the only way our precious republic makes it through that long, dark night.

[This revelation approximates the date of the broadcast, which is happening not long after the Battle of Anchorage. The clash in Alaska officially ended on January 10, 2077: This news bulletin proves that attempted peace negotiations followed, then failed.]

Going the way of the dinosaurs has never felt this fun! If only the dinosaurs had Vault-Tec technology. Now, the dinosaurs died because... a meteor came from space, right? They had nothing to do with it. We have everything to do with our own demise. It's almost like… people are a virus that is destroying the Earth, we're a planet-killing virus. And people do say, "Oh, well, you know, well, the cockroaches... will outlive us and the the aardvarks or whatever will outlive us." Well, they won't. They're going to die too, because this is the real deal, guys. This is the end. So if you're not underground, I don't know what you're doing.

I wonder how we'll evolve. Will we develop a different kind of skin, some kind of leathery, plastic skin to fight off the nuclear fire? Who knows, but the only way to find out is to purchase a Vault-Tec vault, or a space in one of our timeshares.

[Music break again. It's a rather lively waltz.]

For those gathered around their Radiation King TV sets today, thank you for your patience. Rome wasn't built in a day!

[laughter]

Very soon you will witness… one of the greatest modern advances since the Virgo II moon landing - you won't want to miss this, the future of you and your future children depends on it.

[Exasperation sets in.]

Honestly, who wrote this copy?

[Arnold presumably raises his hand.]

You did, Arnold? Well, that's not surprising. It leaves… yes, well, it leaves a lot to be desired. They couldn't hire a professional writer? You look like you're 15 years old.

[Arnold inaudibly corrects him.]

You're 23? Yeah, well, 23-year-olds look like they're 15 now, still too young. What could you know about the - what could you possibly know about the written word, Arnold? Goddamn it. What could you - what do you know about writing and oratory? Nothing, I'll answer y- for you, nothing. The lack of professionalism - myself not included - disgusts me. The lack of professionalism disgusts me, Arnold!

Speaking of nuclear fire, you should see the muffin tray they left out for me. People want a blueberry mu- you want a muffin, okay? A muffin. Not a little squirt of dough, with a little powdered su- give me a muffin, give me a real thing, okay? Give me some snacks! You're going to give me some coffee? Good. I need a snack, to balance it. I'm not the only person in the world who needs a little bit of fat in their stomach when they eat a... big haul of caffeine.

[throat clearing]

Stand by as we wait for the situation in the vault to resolve.

[The music does some flourishes, then finishes.]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's official: We're experiencing some technical difficulties. And before we can open the vault - Vault 33, our flagship vault, full of the, uh, finest luxury items available to mankind, a- as of now - maybe we could put something on to keep people company while we figure out the technical difficulties. Sorry, these difficulties of course have nothing to do with Vault-Tec's vault tech. In- in- indeed…

Look, I need to have a whole cigarette right now. Just put on the song. Where are my smokes?

[The music starts up again while the announcer burns through a cigarette at the speed of a Corvega.]

Well, well, well! Here we are again! Ladies and gentlemen, we're dealing with a hiccup. Now, hiccups... might seem like a momentary stoppage, but this is a big hiccup. It's like God is hiccuping.

Vault-Tec is reporting that there's only one gatekeeper and one key on this vault model. The keys for these vaults are one of one, it fits like a glove, but it's - it's - these - these locks are very, very complicated.

God, it's so good to be on the other side of this. I don't think people know. People really don't know what's coming, and that's probably good. If you haven't watched… if you haven't watched the news up to this point, don't pick it up. Don't… just try and stay ignorant, uh, really don't find out what's going to happen because… it's bad, um, it's over.

[laughter]

The Earth is a slaughterhouse, and we are cattle!

[laughter]

We- we'll go back into, uh, a society resembling Bronze Age Mesopotamia. That's where we're going. It's not fun. Um... disease is… really prominent, um… we don't treat women well - let's just face it, it's - they - we don't treat them well now, but back then… oof. Rough. Rough treatment of women. You think we're racist now?

It's going to get bad. Where you want to be is underground. Vault-Tec vaults.

[A really tinny muted trumpet rises to its occasion as he disappears again for a bit.]

You know what else is great about Vault-Tec vaults? The air purification system. Let's talk about air. You need air to breathe, I need air to breathe, we need air to breathe. Vault-Tec's got it in spades! We've got oxygen candles straight from our finest nuclear submarines that you can burn, that turn nitrogen and carbon dioxide into oxygen molecules. Perfectly breathable, perfectly safe for your children, and your children's children, and your children's children's children in case we're there for three sweaty generations of sweaty living underground! In a fresh vault!

In fact, we put a family in a vault for 10 years and let them out just to see how it would go… and here they are now! "We loved it, uh… We loved it! That was great!" Uh… that's - I'm making it up! I'm making that up. I am imagining what could happen if I had more information about the vaults, but I don't have that information, so I'm making it up! Ha! Vault-Tec vaults, yes. Say yes to the tech!

[The music saves us for a bit.]

Unfortunately, we are back, the vault hasn't opened, and we have had absolutely no movement towards the vault opening, so! Hope you enjoyed that music. I know I was tapping my feet. Let's get back into it, where are we?

The US government has been quietly testing T-60 power armor suits as part of their long-standing defense contract with West Tek, following up the T-45 and T-51 efforts in the ongoing war with the People's Liberation Army.

[hisses through teeth]

How about that? How about that. The Man from Deadhorse gallops to a fast start at the box office! The Howard-led western is said to be the next smash for California Crest Studios.

[So the ghoul's name is probably Howard Something, or Something Howard. Interesting, but the announcer doesn't care and decides to throw another tantrum.]

Am I crazy or is this taking forever? I don't think I'm crazy, but I feel crazy! In fact, I might be the only person involved in this whole production who hasn't lost his mind! I'm looking at you, Arnie, I'm looking at you!

[Looking at Arnie yields nothing, again.]

"You don't know what to do, you don't know what to do." You idiot! I can't even get the word- I can't even get the information from you. Worthless!

[grunt of rage]

It's just me and Arnie here, I'm in hell, he's sitting there smiling at me, I'm in absolute hell!

Do you have a spot, Arnie? Do you have a spot in a vault? Oh! You do! What vault is that?

[long pause]

Oh, that's the one I'm in. Oh. Dear God.

[deep breath]

I guess we should get to know each other.

Ladies and gentlemen, we don't even know what's wrong here… but I can assure you that what isn't wrong is Vault-Tec technology, this has nothing to do with Vault-Tec's patented lock technology and everything to do with stupid people and human error. If you're this inefficient at work, what is home li- do - how do you wipe yourself?

[Uncalled-for, news announcer man.]

Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy this music while we figure out what's going on.

[Musical break number who knows. Just over 11 minutes remain on the countdown.]

In other sponsored news, Nuka-Cola is celebrating the success of one of their newest flavor launches, Nuka-Cola Victory, with an exclusive redesign release later next year. Students that read over 10,000 books can be part of the ZAP IT! Program, rewarding literacy with sugar!

[deep breath]

I don't like Nuka-Cola. Personally... I don't like Nuka-Cola. Too sweet. I don't drink it. But it's popular, I have stocks in it, I invest - I invest in it. I don't drink it. It's the way the world is. Just because it's popular, doesn't mean it's good, just because it's good, doesn't mean it's popular. A can of Nuka-Cola, what is that, it's energy slowed down, right? It's the energy of the universe slowed down, right? What are we, what am I? We are energy slowed down into the form of a human being. All that's about to stop.

[laughter]

All that's about to stop! All that's about to go away! Maybe there's life on other planets. Maybe there's not. Are they going to come save us, no! If I were on another planet, and I came here, I would have an endless belly laugh at our folly, I mean, the folly of man! It's funny, there's so much written about the "folly of man." I mean, read Moby-Dick. Read… uh… what di- what happened with the - the wax wings, the wax wing guy? Wax wing man, Mr. Wax Wings, Daedalus. What's his name?

[Arnold hazards a guess we can hear: "Shakespeare?"]

Arnold, Shakespeare? Arnold, Arnold, good god… Shakespeare? Where did you go - you went to one of these hippie schools...

[Arnold tries again: "I think it was Icarus?" The announcer is ecstatic.]

Icarus! Icarus. Wow! You are good for something. Wow, Arnie!

Now, Icarus, he was close to the sun. In a Vault-Tec vault, you'll be as far from it as possible. You will be up to 50 feet underground, in a Vault-Tec vault, safe and sound in the knowledge that the wax on your wings will not be anywhere close to anything that will make it melt, except our new Vault-Tec oven!

[The horns come in again.]

Where are you f- what's your family situation? Do you have kids or…

[Arnold probably shakes his head.]

No kids? Good for you.

[laughter]

Are you single?

[Arnold: "Yeah."]

Ahh, yeah. I wouldn't recommend going into a vault single. You might want to lock someone down and take you in there - if only to help you fight - and, uh, survive, it's good to have a partner. Yeah… oof!

Anyway, glad I'm safe and secure in my vault! Um… I'm in the tax bracket that kind of... automatically gets a vault, so, sorry everybody. Uh… I'll be, uh, doing this thing called surviving, while you are all burning.

[deep breath]

What's the point of any of this? What's the point of any of this? Nobody - nobody listening to this can afford one of these things. Everybody listening to this is about to turn into an idea!

[laughter]

Instead of a being! But, here we are! Let's whoop it up! Let's whoop it up! It's a big parade… for the end of mankind! It's a big parade! Here's the final celebration, Arnie! Here we are!

Let's stake our claim in a dying planet! Let's plant our flag in a dead rock, and see how we feel. Let's see how we feel after the flag is planted, Arnie.

[a deep sigh]

I don't know how much longer I can do this, man.

[another deep breath]

My voice hurts, I'm thirsty, we're out of water, the muffins they laid out at the top of the day are dry and old, I feel dry and I feel old.

I give up! I give up.

[chuckles]

What's the point of this? I mean, what's the point of anything? I'm... I'm broken.

[Emotion creeps in.]

I'm broken. I'm changed. I am broken and I have changed. I…

[one more deep breath]

Thanks to you, Arnie. Thanks to you, man. Thanks, you're the best, yeah, thanks to you, pal. Thanks to you, buddy boy. You are just awful. You disgust me. Yeah, I'm just - I'm sorry. I'm - I'm just… I'm fried, man. I'm - I'm fried, pal. I'm fried. Dead. Gravestone, dead. Oh yeah, that's, okay.

Oh, god. Where are we in the process of the door opening?

[Arnold: "Yeah, it's over."]

What?

[A record scratch stops the music. Two minutes remain on the countdown.]

What's that? Oh!

[The announcer clears his throat, and the music changes to a triumphant fanfare.]

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm getting word. Ladies and gentlemen... I've gotten word that we are star- we are starting, ladies and gentlemen. It's happening! Here we are! Here we are, we got it, we got it, and now…

N- and now, this afternoon is unlike any other afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. It was the morning, now it's the afternoon - here we go! The crane is loweri- Here we go!

[relieved laughter]

Okay! Really close to the time where I can go, and get out of here! The crane is lowering, it is happening, the tumblers are tumbling! The crane is lowering, the tumblers are tumbling, we are… go! We're going! It's opening! It's opening!

[The static image of the vault has not changed in the slightest bit.]

You try doing this! You try doing this, Arnie! You try filling the time! Next time we'll switch places, Arnie, and you can try it! Oh boy, oh boy, here we go, thank god we're doing it and it's happening. I see motion, I see- I see Vault-Tec… I am convinced! Guys, this is great, it's been great, Arnie? It's been great. Arnie, it's been great. You know, I hope we are in the same vault. I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you, Arnie.

[slightly unhinged laughter]

As long as this happens right now, I am fine with spending the rest of my life with you! As long as the vault opens right now. The fact that nuclear fire could fall from the sky at any moment has made this broadcast that much more important. Thank you, thank you so much for joining us!

[corvid-ae]

So you want to listen to Main Range?

Great! I know how intimidating it can be to try and start listening, so I’ve tried to compile a guide to the main story arcs. More under the cut (minor spoiler warning)!

Also known as the Monthly Adventures, it’s a great way to get into the DWEU and definitely one I would recommend. It is also accessible, with the first 50 stories available on Spotify, or available to buy from Big Finish or second-hand fairly easily (or, you know, via less-legitimate means).

Main Range involves stories from the Fifth, Sixth, Seventh and Eighth Doctors, and various TV and original companions. If you are a fan of eighties and nineties Who, then Main Range might be for you! My general recommendations for people are to pick a specific doctor AND companion(s) to listen to and go from there. Although, if you’re looking for a first story to try, why not start at the very beginning (a very good place to start) with the Sirens of Time.

While many Main Range stories are stand-alone, there are also some overarching plots, which are actually very companion-focussed. Trying to understand these arcs and listen to them in order can be intimidating for people looking to get into listening, however its probably simpler than you’d think.

To help you out with all of this, I have done my best to write down the stories that are probably best listened to in order, with a bit of an explanation about how it fits into TV continuity if relevant. The order is pretty easy to follow as it is pretty much just in release order. No, Big Finish did not intentionally try to confuse their audience by releasing stories out of order (okay maybe they did just a little). However I have provided the story number in brackets [like so] for clarity.

Also, to be clear, all of the arcs are self-contained, so seperate arcs don't have to be listened to in the order I've written them down in, unless I've specified otherwise (like with the Evelyn and Hex storyline).

Again, it is not super important to listen to things in order. If you are getting bored with a story or with listening in order then feel free to skip things. Maybe you could just skim the Tardis Wiki page for the plot if you like. To help, I’ve also marked any of the super plot-heavy stories with an asterix. Most other stories, especially ones that I don’t mention here are standalone and can be listened to however you like.

Also feel free to let me know if I miss anything! Happy listening :)

Fifth Doctor:

The Erimem Arc

This takes place after Planet of Fire and before Caves of Androzani, and features the Fifth Doctor, Peri and an original character called Erimem - an ancient Egyptian princess. This is a pretty good arc and one I would definitely recommend. Please feel free to skip Nekromanteia though it’s genuinely terrible.

[24] The Eye of the Scorpion*

[38] The Church and the Crown

[41] Nekromanteia

[56] The Axis of Insanity

[59] The Roof of The World

[69] Three’s a Crowd

[71] The Council of Nicaea

[81] The Kingmaker

[99] Son of the Dragon

[102a] The Mind’s Eye

[104] The Bride of Peladon*

The Key 2 Time

A trilogy featuring the Fifth Doctor and an original companion called Amy which acts as a sequel to the Key to Time. It is set between Planet of Fire and Caves of Androzani. The Fifth Doctor meets Amy again in the boxset Wicked Sisters.

[117] The Judgement of Isskar

[118] The Destroyer of Delights

[119] The Chaos Pool

The Stockbridge trilogy

Featuring The Doctor and Nyssa and set in the fictional town of Stockbridge which was first introduced in the Fifth Doctor’s DWM comics. Knowledge of that is not at all essential however. Set between Time Flight and Arc of Infinity.

[127] Castle of Fear

[128] The Eternal Summer

[129] Plague of the Daleks

The Older Nyssa Arc

This is set between Enlightenment and the King’s Demons and features Tegan, Turlough and an older Nyssa - some years after the events of Terminus.

[136] Cobwebs*

[137] The Whispering Forest

[138] The Cradle of the Snake

[146] Heroes of Sontar

[147] Kiss of Death

[148] Rat Trap

[159] The Emerald Tiger

[160] The Jupiter Conjunction

[161] The Butcher of Brisbane

[172] Eldrad Must Die!

[173] The Lady of Mercia

[174] Prisoners of Fate

[195] Mistfall

[196] Equilibrium

[197] The Entropy Plague*

The Hannah Arc

A very short trilogy featuring the Doctor, Nyssa and another original companion - Hannah - an Edwardian woman. Set sometime between Time Flight and Arc of Infinity.

[185] Moonflesh

[186] Tomb Ship

[187] Masquerade

The Season 19 Gang Arc

Set during the events of Season 19, these stories feature the original gang of the Doctor, Adric, Tegan and Nyssa.

[221] The Star Men

[222] The Contingency Club

[223] Zaltys

[234] Kingdom of Lies

[235] Ghost Walk

[236] Serpent in the Silver Mask

The Kamelion Arc

There’s not much to say about this apart from that these three are probably best listened to in this order? Set between the King's Demons and the Five Doctors (i think) and featuring Tegan, Turlough and Kamelion.

[247] Devil in the Mist

[248] Black Thursday/Power Game

[249] The Kamelion Empire

The Marc Arc

These stories follow the Doctor, Tegan, Nyssa, and an original companion Marc - a man from ancient Greece. It is set sometime between the end of Arc of Infinity and Mawdryn Undead.

[256] Tartarus*

[257] Interstitial/Feast of Fear

[258] Warzone/Conversion*

[266]Ghost Station/The Bridge Master/What Lurks Down Under/The Dancing Plague

[267]Thin Time/Madquake*

Sixth Doctor:

The Evelyn Arc

One of my favourite arcs with some great stories, and maybe where things get a little confusing. This arc features the Sixth Doctor and an original companion, Evelyn - an historian from modern-day England. Set sometime before the Sixth Doctor meets Mel I think.

This arc set up some story aspects which are explored further with the Seventh Doctor’s stories - specifically, the Forge trilogy. There are a few ways you could listen to these but to keep it simple I would also recommend listening to the Seventh Doctor story the Harvest before you listen to Thicker Than Water, and then A Death in the Family once you’ve listened to all the Evelyn stories AND the Forty-Five anthology. This could also be listened to concurrently in release order with the Hex storyline which I’ll outline a bit later.

[6] The Marian Conspiracy*

[9] The Spectre of Lanyan Moor

[11] The Apocalypse Element

[22] Bloodtide

[23] Project: Twilight*

[37] The Sandman

[40] Jubilee

[43] Doctor Who and the Pirates

[45] Project: Lazarus*

[57] Arrangements for War*

[58] The Harvest (7th Doctor)*

[60] Medicinal Purposes

[73] Thicker Than Water*

[100] 100 BC/My Own Private Wolfgang/Bedtime Story/The 100 Days of the Doctor*

[143] The Crimes of Thomas Brewster

[144] The Feast of Axos

[145] Industrial Evolution

[115] Forty-Five anthology (7th Doctor)*

[140] A Death in the Family (7th Doctor)*

You can theoretically listen to the following before or after Thicker Than Water if you want - they are sort of standalone stories with the Doctor and Evelyn:

[78] Pier Pressure

[84] The Nowhere Place

[108] Assassin in the Limelight

The Charley Arc 2.0

This is best listened to once you’ve listened to the Charley Arc with the Eighth Doctor. Featuring the Sixth Doctor and Charley.

[105] The Condemned*

[111] The Doomwood Curse

[114] Brotherhood of the Daleks

[116] The Raincloud Man

[124] Patient Zero

[125] Paper Cuts

[126] Blue Forgotten Planet*

The Flip and Constance Arc

Featuring the Sixth Doctor and two original companions, Flip - a girl from modern-day England - and Constance - a woman from World War II. Set sometime before the Doctor meets Mel.

[143] The Crimes of Thomas Brewster*

[156] The Curse of Davros

[157] The Fourth Wall

[158] Wirrn Isle

[182] Antidote to Oblivion

[183] The Brood of Erys

[225] Vortex Ice/Cortex Fire

[184] Scavenger*

[204] Criss-Cross*

[205] Planet of the Rani

[206] Shield of the Jotunn

[218] Order of the Daleks

[219] Absolute Power

[273] Colony of Fear

[220] Quicksilver*

[231] The Behemoth

[232] The Middle

[233] Static

[263] Cry of the Vultriss

[264] Scorched Earth

[265] The Lovecraft Invasion

The Older Peri trilogy

Featuring the Doctor and Peri from after she marries King Yrcanos.

[192] The Widow’s Assassin*

[193] Masters of Earth

[194] The Rani Elite

Seventh Doctor:

The Hex Arc

A great arc that sort of starts with Evelyn’s arc. I would not recommend starting this until after you’ve listened to Project: Lazarus, but maybe at least listen to The Harvest before Thicker Than Water (no stress if you don’t want to juggle listening to arcs concurrently). Features the Seventh Doctor, Ace, and an original companion from 2020s London - Hex. Set after the end of Classic Who.

[58] The Harvest*

[67] Dreamtime

[74] LIVE 34

[79] Night Thoughts

[82] The Settling

[89] No Man’s Land

[92] Nocturne

[106] The Dark Husband

[115] False Gods/Order of Simplicity/Casualties of War/The Word Lord*

[120] The Magic Mousetrap

[121] Enemy of the Daleks

[122] The Angel of Scutari*

[139] Project: Destiny*

[140] A Death in the Family*

[141] Lurkers at Sunlight’s Edge

[149] Robophobia (side note: this is our introduction to Liv Chenka who is one of the Eighth Doctor’s main companions from Dark Eyes onwards).

[151] The Doomsday Quatrain

[152] House of Blue Fire*

[162] Protect and Survive*

[163] Black and White*

[164] Gods and Monsters*

[181] Afterlife*

[189] Revenge of the Swarm

[190] Mask of Tragedy

[191] Signs and Wonders

Also at some point before or after the Angel of Scutari you can listen to the following as they are standalone stories:

[226] Shadow Planet/World Apart

[245] Muse of Fire

[268] The Flying Dutchman/Displaced

The Klein Arc

An Arc featuring The Seventh Doctor and an original character, Klein - a woman from 1940s Germany. Set after the end of Classic Who.

[25] Colditz*

[130] A Thousand Tiny Wings

[131] Klein’s Story/Survival of the Fittest

[132] The Architects of History

[175] Persuasion

[176] Starlight Robbery

[177] Daleks Among Us

Klein is also involved in the final story of the Daniel trilogy which spans the Fifth, Sixth and Seventh Doctors.

Eighth Doctor:

The Charley Arc 1.0

The best Main Range arc in my opinion. If you listen to anything, listen to this. Featuring the Eighth Doctor and original companion Charley, with another original companion C’rizz in Part 2 of the arc.

Part 1:

[16] Storm Warning*

[17] Sword of Orion

[18] The Stones of Venice

[19] Minuet in Hell

[28] Invaders from Mars

[29] The Chimes of Midnight

[30] Seasons of Fear

[31] Embrace the Darkness

[32] The Time of the Daleks

[33] Neverland*

[50] Zagreus*

Part 2:

[52] Scherzo*

[53] The Creed of the Kromon* (TW for sexual assault in the Creed of the Kromon. Feel free to stop listening after episode one or just read the Tardis Wiki page for relevant plot info)

[54] The Natural History of Fear

[55] The Twilight Kingdom

[61] Faith Stealer

[62] The Last

[63] Caerdroia

[64] The Next Life*

[72] Terror Firma

[75] Scaredy Cat

[77] Other Lives

[80] Time Works

[83] Something Inside

[88] Memory Lane

[101] Absolution*

[103] The Girl Who Never Was*

The Mary Shelley arc

A short arc featuring the Eighth Doctor and Mary Shelley! Yes, that Mary Shelley.

[123d] Mary’s Story*

[153] The Silver Turk

[154] The Witch from the Well

[155] Army of Death

Multi-doctor arcs:

These are mostly trilogies featuring stories which Big Finish probably mostly intended to be listened to together.

The Forge trilogy

Relevant to the Evelyn and Hex arcs - best listened to in conjunction with the rest of their stories.

[23] Project: Twilight (Sixth Doctor)

[45] Project: Lazarus (Sixth Doctor/Seventh Doctor)

[139] Project: Destiny (Seventh Doctor)

The Villains Trilogy

[47] Omega (Fifth Doctor)

[48] Davros (Sixth Doctor)

[49] Master (Seventh Doctor)

The Harvest/TheReaping/The Gathering trilogy

^^^ I’m naming it that because the other name I’d give it would be a big spoiler lol (if you saw me forget the Harvest out of this no you didn’t)

[58] The Harvest (Seventh Doctor)

[86] The Reaping (Sixth Doctor)

[87] The Gathering (Fifth Doctor)

The Brewster Arc

Thomas Brewster is also vaguely relevant to the events of Stranded with the Eighth Doctor but it’s not really important.

[107] The Haunting of Thomas Brewster (Fifth Doctor)

[113] Time Reef/A Perfect World (Fifth Doctor)

[143] The Crimes of Thomas Brewster (Sixth Doctor)

[144] The Feast of Axos (Sixth Doctor)

[145] Industrial Evolution (Sixth Doctor)

The Sorsha trilogy

[165] The Burning Prince (Fifth Doctor)

[166] The Acheron Pulse (Sixth Doctor)

[167] The Shadow Heart (Seventh Doctor)

The 1963 trilogy

These don’t really have an overarching plot as far as I can remember, they were just released as part of the 50th anniversary.

[178] 1963: Fanfare for the Common Men (Fifth Doctor)

[179] 1963: The Space Race (Sixth Doctor)

[180] 1963: The Assassination Games (Seventh Doctor)

The Companions Trilogy

[198] The Defectors (Seventh Doctor)

[199] Last of the Cybermen (Sixth Doctor)

[200] The Secret History (Fifth Doctor)

The Master trilogy

[211] And You Will Obey Me (Fifth Doctor)

[212] Vampire of the Mind (Sixth Doctor)

[213] The Two Masters (Seventh Doctor)

The Daniel trilogy

[237] The Helliax Rift (Fifth Doctor)

[240] Hour of the Cybermen (Sixth Doctor)

[244] Warlock’s Cross (Seventh Doctor) (Klein is in this one if you want to listen to her arc beforehand)

[ailendolin]

List 5 topics you can talk on for an hour without preparing any material.

Thank you for tagging me @the-20th-century-girl!

1. Palaeontology: I didn't get a PhD for nothing and even though it's been years since my thesis defense, I'm sure I could still do the full presentation without preparation. I dedicated three years of my life to this (ten if you count my bachelor's and master's degrees as well) and I certainly don't mind talking about this childhood dream of mine or the issues surrounding academia, especially here in Germany.

2. Ghosts and anything Six Idiots related: the Six Idiots have been such a huge part of my life for the last few years even my family now knows who I'm talking about when I mention Thomas lol. They're lucky the original Ghosts isn't on TV here or I definitely would have made them watch it with me (on that note, I made my dad watch Bill last year and he enjoyed it!).

3. The Lord of the Rings: the films and then the books changed my life 23 years ago and if prompted, I will happily discuss why the Eagles were not the solution to the ring problem and why the Silmarillion is absolutely incredible and not dry and boring at all. Oh, and don't get me started on the musical or I will lament for an hour about the Springle Ring not being on the cast recording.

4. Survival stories: Uruguayan Air Force Flight 571 is just the latest in a line of survival stories that I have been fascinated by over the years. I'm sure I could talk about it for an hour alone but there's also the Franklin Expedition, the Donner Party, the Endurance Expedition, the Terra Nova Expedition, the Batavia shipwreck ... I think you get my point. There is just something about humans facing such extremes adversities and, if they're lucky, rising above them that I find deeply touching.

5. Animals in captivity: a few years ago, the documentary Blackfish opened my eyes to all the issues surrounding animals in captivity. I will never forget the pictures of Orca teeth being so far eroded that you can see the root canal or that one time my palaeo prof took one look at a skeleton and promptly asked if the specimen came from a zoo because he could immediately tell by the deformed bones and worn teeth. I don't try to convince people not to go to zoos because it's none of my business to tell them how to live their lives but if asked I do tell them why I don't visit those places anymore in the hopes that they too will realise that a fun day out for them is a lifetime of miserable imprisonment for the animals they claim to love.

Honorable mention goes to History because I have been fascinated by a wide range of historical topics over the years (the Pacific theatre of war, Chernobyl and nuclear power, the Plague, Napoleonic Wars, Ancient Rome, mountaineering history, medical history ...) and could talk about any of them for hours if prompted.

Tagging @amalthea9, @professorlehnsherr-almashy and @ginevralinton but no pressure!

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

the pjo tv show is making me have thoughts about hephaestus & apollo’s dynamic, as well as apollo & ares dynamic — so i was wondering if you had any hcs for either duo or both !!

GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE

I do for sure have some Thoughts on Apollo & Ares so I shall start there.

Apollo & Ares

Favorite Son and Least Favorite Son.

After Apollo was born, we all know he went on a mission to avenge his mom. That included killing Python, but I also headcanon this preteen storming up to Ares and demanding a fight for his mom's honor.

This was brought on because in the mythos, Ares actually chased Leto around and drove her from place to place, never letting her rest for long.

Obviously, Apollo isn't too keen on this and demands a duel.

Ares takes one look at this kid and goes you know what? I like his spunk. I'm keeping him. and lo and behold Apollo gets distracted by Ares showing him how to properly grip a sword's blade.

Also fun fact! In Ancient Greece, fathers raised their sons and mothers the daughters. Fathers would teach their sons how to swim and write, so this gets interesting once you put ToA's context with it.

In all honesty, I don't think Zeus was too involved in Apollo's growth. He was still there, of course! Enough to have a hold on him and. well. manipulate/gaslight him/abuse him.

However heartbreaking it would be to think about Zeus teaching Apollo these things (my heart. my poor sobbing heart.), I would also find it heartwarming if Ares did that instead.

Or Poseidon. But I personally think he taught Apollo how to ride horses. Let Ares have his thing :3

Because wouldn't it make sense that if Zeus couldn't find the time teach Apollo, then that responsibility would fall to the eldest son?

Jump to the giant twins now.

Apollo helps Ares recover. That is all.

THEY WERE ON THE SAME SIDE IN THE TROJAN WAR !!!!!!

Okay so. Diomedes tried to stab Apollo a few times when he was rescuing Aeneus, and Apollo CANONICALLY tells Ares about it - and lo and behold, Ares gets into a fight with Diomedes (and gets shish-kabobbed).

SO I CONCLUDE-

Apollo: Diomedes tried to stab me :(

Ares: WHAT.

Apollo: Yeah three times.

Ares: WHY.

Apollo: Aphrodite's kid? Aeneus? I was saving his ass after Diomedes stabbed Aphrodite.

Ares: THAT BITCH.

Apollo: But don't worry I took care of it-

Ares, picking up his spear and sword: HE SHALL TREMBLE BEFORE MY FURY. NOT EVEN HIS ARMOR WILL MARK HIS GRAVE WHEN I FINISH WITH HIM. HE SHALL CHOKE ON THE BLOOD HE HAS SPILT AND I SHALL LAUGH AS HIS CORPSE DECAYS. HE WILL RUE THE DAY HE HARMED EITHER OF YOU-

Apollo: he didn't touch me tho-

Ares: BUT HE TRIED!

Ares, snapping his cape: I shall take my leave. Got a bastard to stab. rides down and fights beside Hector. gets stabbed by Diomedes.

Ares, clutching his stomach: ...this didn't go as planned.

Apollo, patching it up after Zeus yelled at Ares: you don't say?

anyway. Apollo & Ares would also watch battlefields and Ares would basically be like "right. this is how to properly disembowel your enemies!" gruesomely decapitates some poor mortal. "See? Easy!"

also they would sing!!! war hymns and other things. Ares can dance too btw :3

also when Aphrodite and Apollo were polyculing with Adonis, Ares was doublely jealous because Adonis is 1) taking the attention of his girlfriend and 2) banging his favorite brother

Ares also cautioned Apollo about drawing too much attention to himself, especially Zeus's.

Too bad Apollo didn't quite take it to heart...

I think Ares already knows Apollo is being abused by Zeus. He knows the signs. He knows what's happening...because it happened to him first.

He would drop hints. Which...weren't very subtle, and kinda freaked Apollo out a bit because ohmygodsdoesheknow-?

And when Revolution time came around? You bet Ares sensed it coming from a mile away.

And perhaps he did...hmm...like with the master bolt theft...ooo gonna have to marinate that for a bit. see what i can cook up there. or if any of you have theories shoot them at me!

back to the thing. Once Ares catches wind It's A Go...he's gonna be on Apollo's side. Because godsdammit he's sick of Zeus and his horrible parenting a good war would give him a clean slate.

...Even if he has to put up with both Hera and Athena.

Apollo & Hephaestus

okay so. I haven't thought much about them because they are elusive for me BUT-

The show gave me a THOUGHT!

"Some of us don't like being that way either."

HEPHAESTUS DOESN'T LIKE THE SYSTEM. HE DOESN'T! HE HATES GOING ALONG WITH IT!

MY FIRST THOUGHT WHEN I HEARD THOSE WORDS?

APOLLO

he doesn't want to be part of it either. but he buried it inside himself. but post toa...he doesn't want to do that anymore.

and I think Apollo does like Hephaestus! I remember there was a moment where Apollo mentions being in his study or something and missing the entire 40s or whatever staring at Hephaestus's Newton's Cradle.

why was apollo in there. and did hephaestus let him in there?

BECAUSE HEPHAESTUS IS A PRIVATE GUY RIGHT? WHAT'S APOLLO DOING IN A PRIVATE ROOM OF HIS?

...unless he invited him in :D

I need to do a lil' more digging on Hephaestus and Apollo but I hope this was all interesting :3

feel free to add on readers!

[entertext]

HGSN 22-3

Chapter (Japanese)

(Please hit the green thumbs up at the end of the chapter to show support)

Rough translation by me

P1

Rie: How long has 'Hikaru'-kun been asleep for?

Rie: The medical examination turned up nothing, right?

Yoshiki: It's already been 2 days. It probably...takes time. For life-threatening damage

Yoshiki: So it sounds like you don't have any idea who that man was either, Kurebayashi-san?

P2

Rie: That's right... but it sure is strange~

Rie: From the sound of it, he came to cut 'Hikaru'-kun to check if he wasn't human...

Yoshiki: A spiritual medium... or someone like that?

Rie: Then someone in Kubitachi must have hired him, right?

Rie: If that's the case, it wouldn't be strange for word of 'Hikaru'-kun to have spread under the surface

Rie: Despite that, it's been two days without anything happening

Rie: What was his goal?

Yoshiki: Wasn't it to exorcise him?

Rie: Huh? No, no, you can't, you can't!! Ahaha

Rie: There's no exorcising something like him~

P3

Rie: Although he's much weaker, he's not at a level where humans can do anything to him.

Rie: Whether he can do anything to humans is a different matter, mind you...

Rie: What humans can do to him is to physically remove him from the village...

Rie: or perhaps lock him up?

Yoshiki: Oh, I see...

Rie: Stay on alert, and if it gets dangerous, you can take refuge at my place. I'll also look into that man

Yoshiki: "Look into"...how?

P4

Rie: People with the sight have our own ways of searching

Rie: (A medium...? or was it that company...?)

Yoshiki: (Just a housewife...?)

TV: {Male in his twenties reported missing...last seen at Kibougayama's Darumazuka* Tunnel...}

(* - 達磨塚 - "daruma" + "mound/grave")

P5

TV: {...a tunnel known as a famous paranormal hotspot. On the morning of the ■th, the man, a Ytuber, posted to social media, "I'm going to Darumazuka. If I make it back alive, I'll upload the video"...}

Yoshiki: (The patient in the next bed has their TV turned up so loud...)

Rie: Hey, do you know? What made Darumazuka a paranormal hotspot?

Yoshiki: It's a famous place...but I don't have a clue why

Rie: A long time back, they found bones here

Rie: A massive amount of ancient bones

P6

Rie: This was something that happened before you were born, Tsujinaka-kun.

Rie: The odd thing was that all of the bones were only from the torso

Rie: And in Udekari, they found only bones from the arms...

Rie: And in Ashidori, only bones from the legs

Yoshiki: Uh-huh...?

Rie: It was said that there was a practice of dismembering the body for burial, but...

Rie: The strangest thing was that for all of the remains

Rie: The skulls were the only parts never found

Yoshiki: (Skulls...)

Yoshiki: Ah

P7

Yoshiki: (The man I saw the time I was engulfed by 'Hikaru'...If you look closely, doesn't he look like Hikaru?)

Yoshiki: (A memory from Nounuki-sama of seeing the Indou's ancestor...?)

Yoshiki: ("The crime of the Indous" "A god that grants wishes in exchange for a particular kind of offering")

Yoshiki: (Severed heads?)

Yoshiki: (Now that I think about it, the monsters I've seen up til now...)

Yoshiki: (...have all been messed up above the neck)

P8

Yoshiki: (That man offered a severed head to Nounuki-sama and wished for something)

Yoshiki: (Is that connected to the mass deaths?)

Yoshiki: (The heads went to Kubitachi...)

Yoshiki: (And the other parts were buried elsewhere?)

Yoshiki: ....

Rie: Tsujinaka-kun!

Rie: 'Hikaru'-kun has woken up...!

P9

Yoshiki: 'Hikaru'...!!

===

Next chapter: 2023/12/19

Twitter Extra (link):

At this point...he's no longer surprised by much anymore...

==

Some of you may remember the Ytuber that went to Darumazuka Tunnel from the Vol 3 Promotional Riddle Game.

[igglemouse]

The morning light pulls me from my sleep as the headache reminds me that I've probably had a little too much to drink but not too much to have forgotten about yesterday.

The room around me is bland and simple, a space that's mine but one can hardly tell with how impersonal it is right now. It might as well be a hotel room.

Still I am thankful. I do miss home, deeply, but at the same time I realize I can't go back and that here, Oasis Springs, isn't so bad. My father, a man I don't enjoy mentioning as he is a horrible person and yet for some reason he's done me this kindness.

I wanted to deny this, to say no to this simple bit of fortune, but that would have left me as prey among wolves...

The kitchen is my sanctuary. Despite waking up with darker thoughts the moment the mixer starts mixing a smile forms on my face. Ideas push into my mind about how to give my waffles a bit more kick but not only that, what else can I sell for my food stand?

Just the act of cooking is meditative for me. It's ancient alchemy you know? Our ancestors would just stuff whatever they found in their mouths and might throw it over a fire but how far have we come from those times?

I am surrounded by modernity. Bottles of sauces and jars of spices. Each honed over the decades to add texture, flavor, and aroma, making this all a science not only to enhance taste but also to tickle the soul.

Making simoleons however is not so much a science. I started earlier in the day which might have hurt me because in the end only forty simoleons were made. I could say that this was the worst day ever but then again forty is better than four.

Perhaps there is a secret to it, finding the right time, the right dishes, the sweet spot? I don't know. All I can do is pack up and try again tomorrow.

The day's light fades and with it the realization that expectations were not met. Again. This whole food stand business has really been a story of ups and downs and while I'm sure I can take it, it doesn't make the process any less frustrating.

I sink into the cushion of my couch, flip on my TV, and spend some time wondering what can be done to be a lot more consistent. Improving my skills obviously, the better the food tastes the more likely people come back over and over again. Skill will come with time, practice, and patience.

Perhaps its my marketability that is lacking? Watching commercials is a reminder that sometimes a good advertisement campaign is all a product or service needs to make simoleons.

An insistent knock at the door breaks up my thinking. That's right, I do have an expected guest today...

Of course my visitor is the increasingly familiar face of Pascal of of course I step aside and invite him inside. He takes a moment to take in my small place, the hint of being impressed on his face but its only a hint because he opts not to say anything other than to ask if he might sit.

There isn't much here, a couch, a table, and a bed. My only income is my food stand and that's not at all reliable yet and so the dining table seems as good a spot for a conversation as any.

"So, what's up?" I ask, suddenly feeling nervous, even more so than my conversation with him yesterday? How does that happen? I guess because then I thought he was just some random handsome guy and now I know that he's very ambitious and might just be the most eligible bachelor in town.

"Dunno, just wanted to see you again is all," he says casually but still looks around some. "You have a nice place."

"Gracias," it's then I take a small breath and calm myself. He's here, isn't he? He doesn't have to be and yet he is. The attraction is mutual, I assure myself, so I should act like it.

"Flower Day is tomorrow," he mentions, as if that has some meaning to me. It doesn't, not really. I've always thought of it more as a filler holiday. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do something together?"

"A date?"

He chuckles. "I guess you can call it that, yeah."

There's a lot of confidence in his offer as if it is a formality itself, he expects a yes, and I plan to give him one but only after one question is answered. "Why me?"

"Why you?" This catches him off guard. "What do you mean?"

"You don't have a lack of options, I am sure, so what makes me stand out from the others?"

This draws another laugh and a look my way as if I have asked a silly question. I suppose I'm just not used to seeing the worth in myself. I mean eventually I figured I'd find love and settle down and start a family but I certainly didn't come to Oasis Springs with that in mind. It was more like I was pushed out into the desert and forced to survive. Any friendly travelers I meet on the way would be appreciated but not necessary, never necessary.

"You're humble," he says breaking a silence between us I wasn't aware of until his voice made it apparent. "A lot of the women that approach me or vice versa expect it all and its clear that they only see my ambition, not me. They make me feel like I'd be the supporting character in their story and nothing else."

"There is nothing wrong with being a supporting character-"

"But mainly, I want a woman who is prepared for failure."

"Failure?"

He leans in just a little, taking the measure of me, seeking eye contact as if it was all he needed from me. "If I break my leg in three places would you still be with me?"

"I-I didn't even know you played for a pro team!" I say jokingly but also defensively.

"Exactly!" He says with some satisfaction. "So, tomorrow? Date?"

I push out a breath and give my head a nod. Before, the answer would have been yes but now? Yes? I'm a little less sure, this conversation felt more like a try out than just two people getting to know each other. "Yeah, sure, let's see what happens."

Episode List - Next

[copperbadge]

Re: your Shivad calender,, I hadn't realized that Twelve Points happened so close to Lady and the Tiger. There's something really funny about Alanna and Jerry being like "we're engaged now" and then Eurovision National Finals is happening the Next Weekend. Caleb's life is in crisis and the Duke and Duchess are in the background looking like a settled long-engagement couple. asjskshsk

YES. It wasn't intended at first, but someone pointed it out to me when I was posting Twelve Points and it's super hilarious. If they were ever to turn the Shivadh novels into a tv show or miniseries, every episode would have at least one scene where something hugely dramatic is happening in the foreground while in the background Jerry and Alanna are just there, out of focus and poorly lit, wreaking havoc of some kind.

There's a bit in Twelve Points where Alanna refers to Jerry as her boyfriend, while he's been calling her his fiancee, which makes sense mainly if you understand that they got engaged two hours after first sleeping together and that was like. Four weeks previous. And Alanna is having a perfectly proportionate reaction while Jerry finds it funny to insist they're on the verge of marriage. :D

I actually lampshade the whole situation briefly in Royals/Ramblers:

"I don't mind being married, though. I mean if your grandparents are on you about it," Jerry said. "And maybe you want the big fancy wedding, you know, Bride's Big Day."

"Not really. Do you?"

"No," he said, looking relieved. 

"Then no wedding for now," she said. "Besides, we can always elope."

"Funniest way would be to call each other our fiance our whole lives and then elope when we're seventy," he said. 

"I'd never really thought about it until Eddie brought it up one time," she said, "but as he pointed out, you are really dedicated to the bit." 

"At least I manage to commit to something," he said.

Part of it is funny because I'm deliberately playing into some tropes there, both in romance and in real life -- the protagonists who fall in love super fast, but also the way that royalty have traditionally had of becoming engaged very quickly once they've found a "suitable" match. Alanna and Jerry are incredibly "suitable" for each other -- they're of the same age, education level, and peerage rank, and they both bring significant personal wealth to the marriage. Neither of them want to lean into that life, but they keep getting punted into it by fate. :D "Oh no, I accidentally fell in love super fast with someone my aged relatives will approve of. We are inadvertently going to join two ancient dynasties into one. We got engaged and THEN started dating."

[limerencecalls]

So I’ve no real experience writing my own fanfic, but since I’m going through a relationship break this kinda wrote itself for my own therapy, and because why can’t Steven Grant exist in this universe for us during our post-breakups? Sigh.

Minor warnings of soft nsfw, more sensual than sexual except for the last bit. I know it ends abruptly. 😏 Maybe I’ll write more soon…

Warmth. Soft. Comfort. Safe. The fuzzy edges of wakefulness prod at your sleepy brain, your senses letting you know that you feel safe. This is wonderful, you think, and wonder why you feel this at ease. You stretch, noticing the gentle puff as the blanket slides over your bare skin.

Wait— your eyes pop open as you register that it’s not only the blanket touching you — for a confused moment you don’t remember if you’d been the one to ask or him to offer, but Steven’s there curled towards you, wearing the same thing from the night before, sound asleep.

It had been late and you’d been so exhausted, physically from the long work day and emotionally due to the barrage of spiteful texts from the ex who had been blowing up your phone all day. Blocking only helped for so long, before he made another number in an app and used it to harass you. By the time you’d been done your evening shift, the tears and anger had boiled over and you were grateful that Steven had sensed you needed a safe person to be around. So you’d asked him over to try to occupy you with takeout and tv. The moon had crept across the sky as you distracted yourself with pad Thai, a documentary about ancient Egyptian architecture, and your sweet coworker who insisted half of what the documentary person said was inaccurate.

You glance down at yourself now and see that your shirt has come up during your sleep, exposing your stomach and breasts to the smoothness of the blanket. It often happens, but knowing he stayed the night makes you feel embarrassed in case he was still awake to notice it happen. But he’s asleep now.

You watch him for a moment, grateful he stayed. Then, as you reach up to pull your shirt down, you feel a small stirring in the depth of your belly that causes you to stop. The feeling rapidly growing, you instead reach out to his white tshirt and gently tug it upwards so that his torso and chest are bare also, letting your gaze trickle over the gentle ridges and valleys that rise and fall in time with his breath.

He doesn’t seem to sense as you inch close to him. You hesitate a moment, but the desire to breath in his scent and to smell of him overrides that pause quickly. Raising up on one elbow, you lean towards him tentatively, watching his face for any sign of waking. Then slowly, deliberately, you press your bare self to him, sighing as you feel your breasts squish against his skin. His warmth radiates over you, coaxing out a bit more confidence and a surge of longing.

But— he lies blissful in sleep, unaware. As much as you want to lean in and start kissing down his body, you hold yourself back. After all, he just spent the whole night and didn’t try anything. Maybe he isn’t attracted to you. It would be wrong to assume he did and wake him up in an awkward and compromising way.

Then again, your shirt had been lifted up. Maybe that was him? Your eyes trail down to where your fingers are tracing the edge of his sweatpants. Curious things with a mind of their own. They brush down with intention and you stifle a groan as they edge the thick outline of his bulge just under the fabric. Maybe it was a bad idea to ask him to stay last night. It had been only a few weeks since the breakup, but sex had been such a frequent part of life before that and these past weeks had left you with constant unmet need.

—————-

THE END, for now 😜

[psychicpinenut]

netflix atla review

i decided that i wanted to see it through anyway so i finished the netflix atla. here are the things that made me want to hurl rocks at my tv (i might not remember a lot of things because i stopped watching after ep 4 and only continued this week so this might get rambly as i try to recall things)

let me start on the cast. no offense to these kids but my god. one of the things i hate the most is when you can tell an actor is acting. the whole time you could see that they walk up to their mark, stop there and recite the lines like they're in a high school play. and i get that they're young and probably don't have too much experience but i just keep thinking about the original voice cast who were children as well at the time of recording and they're some of the most talented actors i've ever heard. but then again i know they had to not only find people who resemble the characters but can do martial arts and act. so whatever, i hope they'll grow more during this. the only actor i liked was dallas liu who is the oldest of the main cast (i believe he was around 20 when they filmed this) which is probably why he doesn't have a chronic case of child acting.

constantly making up and/or changing lore:

why can aang only speak to past avatars in their shrines?

roku is sidelined in favor of kyoshi (who for some reason is extremely aggressive towards him) who can see into the future apparently because she gave aang a vision of the northern water tribe being destroyed instead of sozin's comet coming.

aang somehow being "lost" to the ocean spirit at the end which is ???

sokka and katara can enter the spirit world with aang

koh keeping his victims like some fucking spider and only gives them back after aang gave some stupid totem back. they also brought him so forward that he doesn't tell aang about tui and la which was the entire fucking point of looking him up in the first place

yue is a fox? in the spirit world?

wan shi tong is there also in the spirit world

i'm guessing they're already abandoning the ancient library storyline because they already intoduced wan shi tong and zhao was shown that he found out about tui and la from the fire sages in roku's temple. which is going to be interesting because that's where sokka finds out about the solar eclipse but i guess they'll come up with some other solution like toph can sense the moon moving through her feet or some shit

tui and la becoming mortals for only one night?

zuko having extensive research on the avatars should mean he knows that roku is his great grandfather but we're either leaving that one out or he's just not good at research

they took out sokka's sexism, thus eliminating any chance of character development, in favor of putting in actual sexism perpetrated by the show itself. suki is made into this small town girl, rapunzel type of character who needs sokka, the man, to bring the world to her and expand her mind. and then instead of sokka being grateful to suki for teaching him, she's the one that's thankful for ... going there? and bringing the world to her? because strong women mean they can punch right?

constant references to book 2 in the first season

they made so that aang didn't actually run away from his responsibility as the avatar - which is a pretty important part of his arc as that guilt follows him through the entire series - but that he only took a little trip to clear his head. which makes everyone accusing him of disappearing seem dumb and unfair

which leads me to bumi. why the fuck would bumi be so pissed at him? the whole episode he's antagonizing him and yelling at him to go do his job as the avatar meanwhile he's holding him hostage and making him do his challenges. like let him go so he can do his job maybe?? stupid

the entire ep 3-4. they really just shoved like 5 episodes together into one which i get because they don't have time to do everything but they did it so badly and the messages from each episode disappeared in favor of the CGI fight scenes.

like what do you mean sokka barely even got to interact with jet? that's the episode where sokka is proven to have good instincts and leadership because he saw jet for what he was.

why are teo and his dad here? what about aang's massive grief over the industrialization of his wiped out culture?

why would jet try to kill bumi? they completely obliterated the moral dilemma of jet wiping out a fire nation village because he sees that as justified even though he's killing civilians who happen to be fire nation.

for some reason they had sokka and katara go through the secret tunnel which is kind of fucking weird. i don't mind if they cut the kaang romance line but it is going to be interesting once it comes to the earthly attachments and some plotlines that revolve around aang having a major crush on katara. also what do you mean the badger moles sense "emotions"? toph is about to sense people's emotions in her feet and learn bending that way

they mary sue'd katara. she's bad at waterbending until she isn't and suddenly she's a master just from self taught basic waterbending she learned from the scroll gran gran gave her?? which is another thing they robbed us of because katara going to great lengths to steal the scroll shows how determined she is and desperate to learn waterbending but here she just gets handed the scroll. she's timid and lukewarm the entire season, the only time i can recall her even raising her voice is when she's arguing with sokka over jet. she gets mad at pakku for not letting her fight which is stupid because girl who is gonna stop you? go and fight?? you should be getting mad at pakku for not even trying to teach you waterbending. then she brings the entire untrained female population to the fight because girl power™. despite all of this, she's proclaimed a master without any actual training and beats zuko's ass purely because she's So Good. like at this point she shouldn't be able to hold her own against zuko without the full moon's help because as soon as the sun comes up zuko easily overpowers her ("you rise with the moon i rise with the sun"). which didn't happen here because she's a self proclaimed master now apparently

aang didn't bend a single waterdrop the entire season. it's book 1: water. it's called water. where's the bending aang? too busy doing another stupid walk and talk

stripped of iroh telling zuko he thinks of him as his son

stripped of one of the rawest lines i've ever heard on television: "my father says she was born lucky, he says i was lucky to be born"

which leads me into azula's character. they brought her in earlier just so her role in the whole season can be her groveling at ozai's feet, seeking his approval, trying to outdo zuko. which is insane cause she already outdoes zuko by a mile. she's a prodigy. they make it look like ozai favors zuko over azula which is so fucking insaaaane it made me so mad. she already knows she's better than zuko, she doesn't need her father's approval. also why isn't her fire blue.

iroh being the one who kills zhao. this one pissed me off so badly because in the original, as the ocean spirit takes hold of him zuko reaches out to zhao to try to save him.... that man tried to have him KILLED. and zuko still tried to save him. but zhao's arrogance didn't let him take his hand and that was his demise. that single act tells us so much about zuko and they just??? took that out??? so iroh can just murder him?? instead of it being the ocean spirit's revenge for killing its partner? instead of giving us that glimpse into who zuko is as a person? i'm going insane

don't even mention the fact that zuko fought back against ozai during the agni kai. he was literally banished because he refused to fight him. he got the scar because he refused to fight him. that's who zuko is!!!! and then they show us that he, a 13 year old boy who is still fairly inexperienced at bending, could have defeated ozai but he chose not to?? i'm sorry???

during the meeting where he spoke out against their plan, they made it look like he only spoke up because the general taunted him and not because he thought what they wanted to do was morally wrong.

now tell me which line hits harder: "compassion is a sign of weakness" or "you will learn respect and suffering will be your teacher". yeah...

yue bringing sokka to the spirit oasis to heal momo?? it was so fucking stupid and unserious that they were cradling a cgi lemur that i was in tears of pain. i almost gave up there

sokka constantly talking about wanting to be a better warrior and bossing katara around but doing absolutely fuck all to prove himself was insane. sokka was just standing around the whole season making bad jokes (cause wow they made sokka unfunny somehow) and flirting with women.

there was no goofiness or lightheartedness to aang. he took everything so fucking seriously it actually hurt to watch because they blew things out of proportion that didn't need to be. why was he so afraid of his normal bending power? not even his avatar state power but just his airbending. constantly angsting over his responsibility and how he's failing as the avatar. jesus fucking christ.

since zuko never stole katara's necklace, june had to use some fuckin random fabric she found on one of the trees that could've belonged to anybody??

zuko was able to capture aang after june found him instead of getting his ass whooped and paralysed so when zhao basically forces him to hand aang over to him, it's easier to guess who the blue spirit is as zuko makes a whole scene about it earlier

truly the one thing i really liked was the addition that the 41st division was the crew he protected at the war meeting

circling back to the first episode where we start out in the past and we get to see the whole genocide of the air nomads instead of finding out along with aang. we also get to see how he ends up in the iceberg so we don't get his story paralleled with zuko's backstory like in the storm. i mean whatever but the aang and zuko parallels were always dear to me.

hated zhao's actor. instead of him being intimidating and scary, he was acting like a frat boy and talked like tom cruise's character in magnolia. just simply annoying

jet telling katara to just stop being sad about her mom and she stops being sad and suddenly she can bend again. and later when he tells her she can bend because he helped her, she straight up denies it because it was "all her" like i gotta disagree there cause no, it was definitely him who helped you.

icing on the cake was when zuko walks into a bar and the patrons there reference like 4 storylines that they skipped over

so anyway... that's all i could think of at the top of my head and i hope they fuck up less in the upcoming seasons god willing

[mysticbeaver]

10 for rolf and kevin boy, 11 for kevrolf, 12, 16 & 22 for rolf and kevin boy 😁

Under the cut

10. What's your favourite piece of fanart for Kevin / Rolf?

For Kevin I'd say any fanart by guainumbi, like this one. (Fun fact - although they deactivated ages ago I found the artist on insta and I got in touch with them... they were really happy to hear of people still enjoying their old fanart 😊). Another honorable mention is chocowhomps' awesome stuff, their transmasc Kev AU is kinda out there, but you gotta respect that kind of passion and commitment.

For Rolf I'm thinking this this Rolf galore by mariekanker, they always draw him sooo scrunkly shsjdshjd💥. And shape101's portrayals of Rolf's family and all the OCs they made were fun to see.

11. What's your favourite piece of fanart for kevrolf?

It's gotta be this masterpiece. It blows my mind that it's got WAY much more notes than any other kevrolf fanart (getting close to 1k I think! wtf, that's like top eene posts... well, apart from that ship we don't talk about). I'm also fond of this doodle thing, maybe one of the first ones I ever saw, and it's so ancient I used to think it was done by a storyboard artist, but someone confirmed to me it came from Brah-J (kik0thek1ller) on deviantart (they did fanart way back when the show was still on I think)

12. What's the funniest or craziest AU idea you've ever come up with?

In my deeper brainrot moments I've definitely imagined some zombie survival AU, mostly to entertain myself. It's a common AU idea, I know (oh no, now I'm remembering @torra-and-the-toons's unfinished In The Ed comic, oh the memories... *rubs eyes*)

16. Do people irl know you participate in fandom?

No way haha, I'm kinda reserved about how I spend my time, let alone being in a 20+ year old cartoon fandom. But I guess I could have some fun chats with my big sis about it cause she knows me well for the loonie I am 🤣 and she's a tv show addict anyway.

22. Give us a headcanon for Kevin / Rolf

-Kevin is a bit touch-starved (surprise surprise, I keep drawing parallels between him and Eddy lol), it's kinda self-inflicted because of the tough guy persona he puts up, and how high-strung he secretly is while pretending to be "chill". I think Nazz in her sensitivity might realize this eventually and help him be more genuine with himself and others. Rolf and her should give him some surprise hugs 😁 although it would annoy him (this fanart is sweet btw)

-Despite his frustrations, deep down Rolf is very grateful of his surroundings and how tolerant and friendly everyone is with him, and he grows more conscious of this as he grows up. He could have been a lot more unlucky, especially in school, a kid like that would be a prime target for bullying.

[blueikeproductions]

The EarthSpark Expedition game came out, and since no one is really talking about it, I’ll toss around my two cents. Spoilers naturally.

So first things first, the game’s placement in the story. I think most of us were going to write it off as an adventure in a micro-continuity that didn’t fit with the show. Well that is thrown out the window. The game takes place after S1, with a small recap in the form of a charming RP game by the kids and Terrans.

The story feels like an epilogue, documenting the aftermath of what happened to Mandroid after his Doomsday Project went kaput. Well, he seemingly survived, though we don’t see him in person until the end of the game, and he’s giving the Doomsday Project another crack with the Energon Activator. This time he requires three relics to power the contraption, so naturally Bee is sent on a mission by Optimus to collect them, with Alex as Bee’s wingman.

The twist however is Mandroid has upgraded his mind control chips, having reprogrammed Skullcruncher, Skywarp, Nova Storm and Grimlock again, but also Optimus Prime, meaning Mandroid was playing 4D Chess to get Bee to essentially do his dirty work for him. It is kind of interesting Manny had to reprogram the jets since they willingly served him before, but then again after trying to obliterate (TERMINATE!) all Cybertronic life it makes sense the femjets wouldn’t want to anymore lol. Poor Grim can’t catch a break, but this time he seems to shrug off the experience, mostly calling it unpleasant. To my surprise, Skullcruncher can talk here. I wonder why he’s largely mute in the show (besides what I assume is budget).

Optimus being mind controlled is interesting. I know EarthSpark sorta dabbled previously, but it’s been fairly rare for Prime to be “charged with Evil” ala Attack of the Autobots. The Last Knight did it too, but well we all know how that went down financially. The point being after years of Prime being sort of rigid and untouchable, in what feels like heavy mandates from Hasbro, it’s refreshing to see some experimental stuff with Optimus again. EarthSpark’s strength with Optimus was returning to the well meaning, dorky sweater vest father figure from G1, and going farther with a AotAutobots/Dark Awakening vibe with Expedition is especially fun. Especially since it was a big defining moment for Bumblebee and Rodimus, so it’s fun to see it homaged here.

I also like the designs of the various henchbots Bee fights in the game. They appear to be generic Transformers, but I forget what their context was in game, but could we get toys of them, Hasbro.

As for Mandroid, when he finally appears in person, the truth is revealed. The Mandroid we’ve been following is an AI backup of his personality made before Doomsday MK1. The original officially died. His current body is a giant misshapen Arachnimech with tv screens bolted to its body to show off his original human face. Inevitably, Mandroid looses and finishing him off, Bumblebee blows a hole in his body with a MegaMan style charged shot. Hashtag says Mandroid likely can’t revive again as the ruins of GHOST HQ, now overgrown with plant life curiously and looking like ancient ruins in a shot amount of time, has really cruddy Wi-Fi, so the AI couldn’t escape into another body. Bee nevertheless seems determined in case Manny DOES return, implying we COULD see him again in S2 in some capacity. That being said, the vibe I get also feels like Bertram from Family Guy. How he died in show following a botched attempt at killing Stewie via time manipulation, only to return in a Family Guy video game as the main villain picking up where he left off, only to die again with a nonchalant joke about how we’ll never see Bertram again after this. So 50/50 at Mandroid’s return methinks. For all we know, as of typing, the villains of S2 are COBRA as part of Energon Universe synergy.

Still the story was fun. Definitely very Furman, and kinda nostalgic as a result. The Terrans are all perfectly in character of course. The only thing kinda holding it back is the voice acting, as none of the actors from the show are reprising their roles. Though the actor who played Bee in Netflix WFC reprised the role here, and he’s definitely one of the better actors, when otherwise the acting is a little… subpar. Way better than WFC and Prime Wars, but having that amateurish feeling from Cyberverse… They give it their all though and they still feel like their characters so that’s good.

As said it feels like an epilogue, though while fun to see Mandroid back at it, it DOES feel a tad repetitive using the same Doomsday weapon but slightly different, and using mostly the same Transformers being “Robo-Smashed”. I feel like you could’ve gotten some cool gameplay using Shockwave, Soundwave (& the Cassettes), Bombshell, Starscream and Hardtop. Personally I’d have liked including some new Transformers, like how the TFP game was built around the Decepticons rebuilding the Unicronian Thunderwing, with him as the final boss. Something like that maybe, only Mandroid has unearthed a Combiner, a friend recommended the Masterforce versions of the Seacons, with the final boss being a Mandroid controlled King Poseidon. Ah well maybe for the sequel then.

[starrystevie]

hiya everyone! the month of june is a big one for not only myself personally but also for this blog so we'll be celebrating a few things:

my own birthday on june 24th!

reaching 2k followers! (which is still mind blowing where did y'all come from)

pride month!

now i may not be a gif maker or edit maker, but i do want to celebrate by interacting with you all in the ways i know how! i'm going to be hosting what i like to call "roll for...?", a mysterious way to get stranger things content from me for the rest of the month. starting today, june 13, you can send me in asks for things to roll for (just make sure you go over the rules before sending in an ask pls <3)

if you're interested in participating, click the read more for the rules!

how it works:

i'll have the following categories to pick from: drabble, playlist, or aesthetic/moodboard. pick one of those categories and then select up to 3 of the following subcategories for me to roll specifics for: ship, trope, vibe/colors, length, era, crossover. whatever subcategories go unchosen, i can use if i want to! each of the subcategories will have a few options in them that i will then roll for to leave the final product up to the luck of the roll. if needed, any additional details will be left up to me! if you would like it to be entirely my pick, please select 3 ships listed below for me to choose from and i will take it from there. warning, some categories will be easier for me to combine than others (ie vibe with crossover might be challenging) so please take every post with a grain of salt. this is all just for fun. these will be posted as i can get them done, so feel free to send in asks whenever you want to! i will stop accepting asks for this project on june 30th but will probably still have things to post after that. all posts will be tagged with #rollfor2023 to help keep things organized.

important to know!:

if you have any triggers or things you wouldn't want to me to include, please let me know what to avoid. i'll honor it no questions asked. all drabbles will be rated anywhere from general to mature with absolutely zero explicit smut unless you tell me you are comfortable with it being included. overcommunicate with me and we'll both be happy campers!

subcategory specifics:

ship: 1. steve/eddie, 2. robin/nancy, 3. robin/chrissy, 4. jonathan/argyle, 5. joyce/hopper, 6. bee's pick of steve ship (platonic or romantic) trope: 1. enemies to lovers, 2. friends to lovers, 3. one bed, 4. the italicized 'oh', 5. soulmates, 6. bee's pick of shop au vibe/colors: 1. whimsical/pastels, 2. angst/dark muted, 3. hopeless romantic/soft pinks, 4. cheerful/bright & bold, 5. bittersweet/blues & greys, 6. angry/dark reds length (around a certain word/song count): 1. 100-300 words/3 songs, 2. 300-500 words/5 songs, 3. 500-750 words/8 songs, 4. 750-1000 words/10 songs, 5. 1000-1500 words/15 songs, 6. bee's pick era: 1. ancient greek, 2. 1980s, 3. modern/2020s, 4. 1800s wild west, 5. 1940s, 6. unspecified fantasy world timeline ala lotr or got crossover (all chosen from my favorites!): 1. moulin rogue, 2. across the universe, 3. bee's pick of disney movie, 4. grishaverse, 5. glee, 6. supernatural

an example ask (can copy / paste if you'd like!):

i would like a drabble with a roll for ship, length, and crossover. avoid character death and mentions of drugs.

i hope this makes sense, so please let me know if you have questions! i'm truly just wanting to do something fun for the hell of it because isn't that we're all here for anyway?! rejoining the fandom side of tumblr this time last year has been such a great decision. i've been able to meet so many of you wonderful people and remember what it's like to enjoy fandom spaces again without shame. best of all, it's gotten me writing again, which had been such a big part of my hobbies that i had pushed aside. getting back into writing as a way to express myself and make content with some fucking guys from some fucking tv show has made a massive difference in my happiness over the last year.

i thank you all so sincerely for being with me along the ride. tagging some of my beloved buds here in no possible order because if it weren't for y'alls support, i never would have written half the things i have. thank you from the bottom of my heart, truly <3

@buckleydiaz @thefreakandthehair @yournowheregirl @scoops-stevie @gothbat99 @bayouteche @toburnup @stevethehairington @judasofsuburbia @henderdads @sharpbutsoft @kkpwnall @figthefruitfaeth @fastcardotmp3 @fragilecapric0rnn @wynnyfryd @stargyles @jeysuso @bitchsteve @lovespiralls @riality-check @cheatghost @legitcookie @hellsfireclub @sanguineterrain @kingofscoops @roykentt @sidekick-hero

[incorrect-fnaf-quotes]

out of all the aus you have, which one's your most favorite ?

(I've been meanin to read more about them but my brain is like those ancient animatronics !! very glitchy and needs some good bonks to get workin again (like those old tvs) !! darn brain)

also, if you wouldn't mind, I'd love to maybe make some fanart of either your aus or your quotes n stuff !! I've been meanin to make some for your Glam Fred n Glam Bon ones cause they're my favorite goobers (as well as Funtime Freddy n Toy Bonnie)

anywaybs, apollergies for this super long ask, hope you have a great day/night !!

Hmm... well, I do really love all of the AU’s a lot, and choosing just one as a favorite out of everything is a little hard. I’ve thought about it a couple of times.

Maybe it’s the Dr. Scraptrap AU? Or the Reluctant Follower Jeremy & Animatronic Vanny AU? I’m not too certain. But even then, I still really love the Swap AU & the Glam Bon & Fred AU.

I’m bad at deciding-

And I don’t mind at all! You’re perfectly free to make fanart of any of the AU’s, or any of the quotes! That would make my day :) People have already been doing drawings for quotes before.

Though, I don’t think anyone has ever done any AU stuff before—so if you ever did, I’d love that.

[cant-get-worse-than-this]

Introduction post!

Basics

Hi!!!

My name is Kesar (or any other variant of the name Caesar is fine to call me!) and I am 14. I am neurodivergent. I am an Asian-European (India and Sweden!), Hindu, and my pronouns are he/they!

Interests and Likes

I have a hyperfixation/special interest (I don't know which to use because I'm in denial about being autistic LMAO) of the Mediterranean, mostly Italy and Spain but also France, Portugal, Egypt, Greece, etc!

Languages

Due to my interest, I have taught myself Italian all on my own and I study Spanish at school since 2020, so I can speak them both at a good level.

All of the languages I speak as well as some more info on my history with them:

Swedish, I speak it every day and a bit at home

Hindi, I speak it every day at home with my family, it's the language I have grown up with mostly.

English, I speak it here and I consume a lot of English media. Also I went to an international school for a couple of years.

Spanish, I've been learning it at school. Ever since I started learning it I've been the best in the class (this is very much a flex, I am very proud of the fact). I speak it at a very good level but I'm not close to fluent.

Italian, I am very proud of that I speak it because I learnt it all on my own using primarily music. I started learning it in 2021 but then took a LONG break for almost 2 years and in 2023 I got back on track and learnt it so well I'm almost at the same level at it as I am at Spanish hahaha

French, as I speak Spanish and Italian it wasn't that hard for me to get a grasp at French. I'm definitely not good at it and am best at written French, not spoken, but I understand enough to say I know it. Also, I can carry a conversation in French so. Yeah. I also really like Lupin.

Urdu, as I speak Hindi I understand Urdu well. Of course there are words I don't know, but since I understand so much of it and I speak it better than I speak Spanish or Italian I had to include it.

Music

My favourite song artists are Marco Mengoni and MIKA. They are my top 2. I love them so much.

I also listen to Mahmood, Måneskin, Queen, The Lonely Island, Lady Gaga, Kali Uchis, Megan Thee Stallion, Veronica Maggio, Shreya Ghoshal, and a lot more.

Apart from that I like English music from 2000 to the late 2010s. I also like Hindi music, rap (i listen to a LOT of Megan Thee Stallion, she's such a queen), Eurovision (although I am not supporting them this year due to them including Israel, Free Palestine🇵🇸), Hispanic music, Francophone music, Italian music and Swedish music. I also enjoy classical, both South Asian and European.

TV

I love TV! My favourites are dramedies. I like comedy a lot. My favourite type of show would be sitcoms because I understand them and I grew up with them and I like their humour. Here are TV shows I very, very strongly like in no particular order:

Brooklyn Nine Nine, Community, 1899, Mythic Quest, Lupin, Monk, and probably more that I just don't remember right now.

I have also watched a lot of other things, but this is all that comes to mind.

There are films that I really like, and most of them I have watched more than a few times. Like there were literally periods when I would just keep rewatching these:

The Kung Fu Panda film series, The Hotel Transylvania film series, The Lorax (specifically the Italian dub), The Shrek film series, and once again probably many more.

Other stuff I like:

Doraemon, Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse & Across The Spiderverse, Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhaan (2020), Smiley (2022), Saiki K (TV series, I haven't been able to read the manga :/), etc.

Books

Mostly I read fact books, in middle school the librarian hated me for (metaphorically) eating up all the books on ancient Egypt, but I also have a few books I really like!

I love Rick Riordan. My favourite from him is definitely The Kane Chronicles but I also like PJO. I'm TKC all the way, though.

I also like Geronimo & Thea Stilton as well as Diary of a Wimpy Kid. They give me comfort.

I have a lot of queer books I bought for the sole reason of them being queer but I haven't read them yet hahahaha. I'm almost finished with Friday I'm In Love by Camryn Garrett!

Playlist time!

My Marco Mengoni playlist:

My Brad Bakshi playlist:

My Trobed playlist:

My Braddavid playlist:

That is all I can really come up with right now, but I will probably edit this soon! I'm not very good at stating what I like and all of that because I'm always scared I'm not telling everything or that people won't understand how I like it and stuff LMAO so don't be surprised if I take this post down :( I'm trying to get better though, so I'll keep it up!