#also my favorite title so far is “ends & means” which also happens to be The M.O.B. fic of the au ^_^

[pyrriax]

hi guys. um. anhedonia au is getting out of hand.

(looking at my list of. 15 potential fics. i guarantee writing absolutely none of them but im thinking about them <3)

[assumptionprime]

Playing Dark Souls 2 again and damn, in spite of its rough edges, I think it’s my favorite.

They’re all good, mind you. Dark Souls 1 is the foundation, and 3 is playing the hits while also saying that it can’t just play the hits forever and has to end.

And Dark Souls 2 is doing its own weird different thing and I love it.

I think it has the best story of the three games, because it really concerns itself with people.

The intro isn’t a list of people and monsters you need to kill, it’s your story. How you came into this land. You are afflicted with the curse of undeath, and it’s destroying your life and your mind. Everything that follows is based around that. You’re not the Chosen Undead, a title put on you in the first game because of a role you’re expected to play in some legend. You’re the Bearer of the Curse, because that’s your concern in all this, your curse.

You see it afflict others throughout the game, too. Most of the characters in Majula can’t remember how they got here, their goals, their lives before Drangleic are fading, same as yours. Lucatiel is by far my favorite NPC in any Souls game, a tragic view of another cursed undead that doesn’t quite make it. You fight alongside her. She confides in you, forms a bond with you. And then, as the last remnants of her mind, her self, leave her, she begs you to remember her name. Vendrick, the mighty king of Drangleic, is a shell of himself. He shuffles around in his own tomb, having long ago succumbed to the curse. He may as well already be dead. In every way that matters, he is.

And if you don’t figure something out, it’s going to happen to you, too.

Some to do has been made about the world layout not making sense. Some say it’s bad design or development troubles leading to compromises. Others say it’s intentional, that time and space are warped, though I think that’s either not true here or done much better in DS3. I subscribe to a third camp I’ve seen a bit less frequently: These nonsensical ways you move between some of these places are because you forgot how you got from one place to the other.

“So you got to the top of the tower, then what?”

“Oh, then I got on an elevator, which took me up— up to… I was on an elevator… then I was in an old keep sinking into a lake of lava.”

You’re losing your mind and your memory, you just can’t remember what happened between Earthen Peak and Old Iron Keep.

So you go slay the old ones, find Vendrick, seek out the ancient dragon, defeat Nashandra and—

It doesn’t work. You don’t cure the curse. You can either take the throne, or keep looking for a cure. We don’t see what kind of monarch you are to your ruined kingdom if you stay. And we don’t see you find a cure to the curse if you leave.

You lose.

It’s left to you to decide, does continuing to fight this fate have meaning? Is the struggle, in and of itself, worthwhile?

Dark Souls 2 is about going Hollow, and I love that it goes in such a different direction with its lore and story to be that.

[autismprotocol]

TMAG Theory Board Update (EP 11-12)

Hi guys sorry about the late posting I've just started a new quarter of college and its been pretty hectic. also got into my school design BFA program so pretty stoked about that! Anyways lets get into the Episode Breakdowns because even though not a lot of lore related things happened I still have a lot to talk about

For the breakdown I'll separate each by episode in sequential order

What Happened in Episode 11: Marked

Celias Rude Awakening- we jump right into the weirdness straight away with Celia waking up on the side of the interstate. she indicates that this is not a weird occurrence and ends the scene by telling someone named Jack that she's "on her way." If you remember episode 8 after Celia and Sam talk to Gerry and Gertrude, she mentions stuff about wanting help with her own mystery. When Sam asks about it she says she's looking into Time travel, other dimentions and teleportation. Many people have theorized that maybe Celia is just a super heavy sleepwalker, but I think the she teleports random places out of nowhere. This could be a side effect of her reality hopping if this Celia is originally from The archives universe.

As for the identity of Jack I'm not quite sure about that yet. I cross referenced the name Jack with past episodes of TMA. The only thing that came up was Jack Barnabas from the statement about dating Agnes Montague (aka an avatar of the desolation and Jesus-like figure for the cult of the lightless flame) So Unless Celia is secretly Agnes of Agnes reincarnated , I can't find any way to link Barnabas to Celia. (if anyone has a theory feel free to send it my way.)

Sam Lore- this one is pretty minor story-wise but I thought it was interesting. Before the statement for the episode is presented we get some classic Sam and Alice Banter ™ most of it is pretty lighthearted but I noticed Sam mention something that could indicate he might be an amputee.

These could not mean anything and I find it weird that it hasn't been mentioned until now but thought it was kind of cool and I will probably be drawing sam with a prothetic leg in the future cause I really like this head-canon. It also begs to question if he is missing a leg. it might have anything to do with his past as a Magnus institute test subject but then again could just be a fun character detail added by Jonny and/or Alex .

The Statement- Getting into the statement we get another Ink5oul appearance. Also possible Ink5oul identifying as she/they. (and lets be honest being a fear avatar is pretty non binary core). I found this Episode gave me a feeling of a hybrid between the Vast, Buried and the Flesh some people are theorizing that is might be a new entity called the Deep but I think that the fear of the ocean could easily apply to the vast or buried. Not much to say about this story though pretty standard Magnus horror that also gave us a hint to what Ink5oul's goal could be/which entity they serve.

Post Bonzo- Gwen has a debrief with Lena after her first Externals Liason assignment and her meeting with Mr. Bonzo. Undoubtedly Gwen is still pretty shaken from her encounter, even arriving late to work due to sleeplessness. Gwen is able to ask Lena a few questions mainly she wanted to know who's name was written on the letter given to Bonzo

Lena is largely unhelpful but tells Gwen she should have worked it out by now and if not to pay close attention to the case load for the next couple of days. before the latest episode my guess was Klaus because that is the only person mentioned so far that the OIAR intends to kill. but more on that later

Marked- Now were getting to my favorite thing about this episode. This episode title can have two meanings. The first is the more literal interpretation. Tattoos are marking of the body and the case this episode was all about tattoos so easily a good name would be marked. But I believe this is a red herring meant to misguide listeners who have not consumed all 200 episodes of TMA because if you know the world of Magnus Archives the term Marked takes on a entirely different meaning.

In TMA the term marked is used to indicate that somebody has been influenced by one or more or the fears and are one their way to becoming an Avatar. I think this could be a coded way to tell the audience someone in the OIAR has been marked. I have two potential candidates

Alice Dyer- Alice has been having dreams about the Institute after her and Sam's adventure into the ruins. also she mentions feeling like someone's watching her (common to people influenced or fed upon by the Ceaseless Watcher/The Eye) My guess if she is marked it would be by the Eye.

Gwendolyn Bouchard: Probably the most likely culprit. The main way an entitly tends to mark people is through encounters with other avatars. Gwen has just had an encounter with Mr Bonzo last episode who I strongly believe must be an avatar of some sort.

What Happened in Episode 12: Getting Off

Aww Sam!!- Sam asked Celia out and it was adorably awkward. not much to say I just loved this interaction and I'm longing for a new Magnus brand office romance hopefully is wont be an agonizing slowburn that ends tragically like a certain pair of morons from Archives (I love you Jon and Martin but Jesus christ)

It's Bonzo time bitches!!- Probably one of the most gruesome Magnus statement I've ever listened to (good work Alex) Mr Bonzo completely annihilated some poor dude at his bachelor party. Based on the date of the Incident the I can confidently say that whoever Baz (the groom) was he was our mystery person the OIAR sent Mr Bonzo to get rid of. Along with some of the bloodiest imagery we learned a few things about Bonzo. The most interesting detail is that Bonzo has to be summoned by playing his theme song I think the CD of his theme song acts somewhat like the tapes did in TMA by materialising out of nowhere. Also fun fact you know that torn seam that is right down Bonzo's middle? that is actually is his mouth lined with rows sharp teeth so I guess I know that now (so fun) Moral of the story dont f*ck with Mr. Bonzo

Alice knows something: Theres been this recurring audio glitch throughout TMAGP thatnks to a few extremly observent fans we have started to relize that these glitches are not at all random and are actually letting the audience know when a character is lying (i actually reposted somones deepdive into all the istances of this glitch so far if you guys are intrested in knowing more) why i bring this up now is becuase since we know when any charater is lying we also know when they are being truthful if there is no glitch when they say somthing and at the end of this episode this interaction occurs

Alice goes ahead and makes a joke about this to annoy Gwen but the fact theres no audio glitch when she says "I know" means she does actually know who is behind the OIAR and is activly refusing to share it with Gwen or the others. What do you know Alice!?

and that's about it im already loving these next batch of episodes and am so excited to learn more (ERROR has to show up somtime )

thanks to everyone who resonded the poll on the last update I will continue to include drawings into the breakdown even if it takes me a little bit of time to post. anyways I wrote this all in one sitting and I'm about ready to pass out so thanks again and the ask box and comments are always open for discussion and theory crafting.

-Echo

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

I know this isn’t very in line with the usual “haha magnus archives worm lady” posts I usually make, but this is very important to me and I want to spread as much awareness as possible.

One of my favorite games of all time is Dead Cells, a fantastic indie roguelike developed by Evil Empire. Recently, it was announced that it’s upcoming 35th update would be the last one for the game. Now, let me start off by saying that on its own, this isn’t what I’m upset about. The fact that Dead Cells has gotten as much support as it has over the years is quite frankly incredible, and 35 updates, most of which have been free and very high quality, is an amazing amount of support. Rather, I am more concerned about the circumstances behind this announcement.

The announcement was…off, for a number of reasons. For one, Update 35 has been in Alpha and Beta on Steam for a while now, and it’s not exactly an update you’d expect the entire game to end on. Still quality, but not exactly a “grand finale.” Also strange was how long it’s been in alpha and beta, as it seems to have been in development hell for over six months. And finally, it’s clear that there was so much more planned for the game. For example, 2023 was said to be the biggest year for the game, and yet we only got two updates. Granted, one of those updates was very big, but not nearly big enough to really live up to the title of “biggest year so far.” By all accounts, it definitely seemed like there was some sort of internal issue that cut the planned lifespan of the game short. If so, that would be very unfortunate, but I would have been willing to accept there was probably nothing that could be done. However, recently some information about what actually happened has shown up, and….yeah I’m pissed.

For those who didn’t know, Dead Cells was originally made by a team named Motion Twin, but after the fourth update, most of the people working on the game left to form their own team, Evil Empire. Evil Empire has developed every update for the game since that split, and yet, they are rarely credited as the makers. Motion Twin is the company that promotes all of the new updates, as if they made them, and unfortunately very few people know which company actually makes the game. Recently, Motion Twin announced a new game called Windblown (proclaiming it was made by the same team as Dead Cells, when it certainly wasn’t), and based on recent interviews with Evil Empire, we learn that Motion Twin pulled the plug on Dead Cells against Evil Empire’s wishes. Evil Empire loved making the game, and planned to continue updating into 2025, expanding the gameplay and lore, yet Motion Twin decided to pull the plug, either to promote Windblown (which if so…why? You can have two games?), or simply out of spite towards Evil Empire, which seems unfortunately possible due to the fact that the devs do not seem to have the best relationship. And to add insult to insult to injury, Motion Twin straight up lied by saying that Dead Cells stopped development because they “don’t want the game to feel bloated”. ….THEY DON’T EVEN MAKE THE GAME WHAT THE HELL?!

So yeah…this is a really terrible situation. Dead Cells is a game that means a lot to me, it’s helped me through some very tough times and there are many other people who hold the game dear to their heart. So please, anything from a simple reblog to making your own posts about the matter goes a long way. Spread awareness about what’s going on. Tell people about how Evil Empire has put so much hard work, love and dedication into the game, and wishes to continue. Tell people about the lies that Motion Twin have been telling. Pressure the two teams into splitting away from each other entirely, so that Dead Cells might get a chance at continuing development. (Be respectful about it though, don’t commit any forms of serious harassment.) It would seriously mean a lot to me and many others, and I would greatly appreciate it :).

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 8 thoughts

i’m conflicted. i didn’t like this episode, and i don’t know if my reasoning is valid or not. but i guess at the end of the day it’s all subjective, right? it’s MY BLOG and i decide which episodes are good vs bad in the juni-verse.

(do not be offended if this is your favorite episode and i am slandering it. it’s not personal, pinky promise, but i explain my reasoning at the end, so let’s jump in)

((also i hear geese right now. not relevant but highkey distracting))

oooo today’s episode title looks french… i thought at first that it would mean (feminine) someone who forgets something, but it actually means “a type of dungeon with a single escape route”. the more you know!

i’m excited to watch this episode. it sounds interesting. it also sounds like it could be really really dark. so let’s see! (verdict: DARK!)

we open on high school picture day. a girl named amy is getting her pictures taken. these girls are in very cute outfits. a guy from the photography company is staring at amy though… OH! and stroking her picture in a darkroom. HELLO??? jail jail jail. 

(we later learn his name is carl. he will be referred to as “the creepy man” and “carl” alternatively throughout this post)

he cut out her picture and put it next to a picture of himself??? is he making a collage? GROWN MAN! GROWN MAN DOING ALL THIS BTW!!! in what looks like a trapdoor darkroom beneath his house. is this the aforementioned oubliette….?

amy is sleeping and. SOMEONE IS COMING IN HER WINDOW. NO MA’AM. it’s carl, who says that “nobody is going to spoil us”. a little girl sees this happen!!!! noooo… but maybe she can give a clue?? i mean a witness to a kidnapping seems like it’ll help solve the case, right?

now we are at a burger place, someone is taking a while to fill up some drinks- her name tag says “lucy”. and then there is BLOOD all over her from her nose. the boss looks majorly freaked. and she FAINTS! mumbling that nobody is going to spoil us. OH… so lucy and the girl must have some sort of connection. boy, that seems it'd be disruptive to the work day…

bum bum bum bum!!!! spooky noises. spooky imagery. you know it, you love it: the intro.

mulder and a very large coat are here to investigate the kidnapping. he is looking about at various rooms and walls. 

noooo, he is in a child’s bedroom :( and he finds a very sad mrs. jacobs looking out the window. he says they will do everything they can to help but she is like “how could you really know how i feel?"

well actually he is quite well versed in kidnappings!!! so please be mindful of your words. she walks away and he looks very sad. way to dig some stuff up for the guy. she didn’t mean it, i know, but still, it was a very purposeful dialogue choice.

(mulder is staring intently at dark red spots on the carpet) “it’s blood”, says a guy we have never seen before. excellent work detective. could have had me fooled. i was thinking it was jam /s

this guy thinks it was someone that knew her, mulder does not think this is the case because it was so bold. fight fight fight!

oh, he actually came on this case to talk to lucy from the burger place!!! and not for the kidnapping. we should have known that was far too conventional for our friend.

(door opens) (deep sigh) (scully’s voice from off screen) "mulder…" <- yeah this had me giggling. not even really sure why. they are reunited after a flight apart. it must have been harrowing. 

so, he explains: the girl, amy, is 15 years old, and was kidnapped. and twenty miles across town, lucy was repeating the same words the kidnapper said as she passed out! “well that’s spooky”, scully notes, and mulder replies “that’s my name, isn’t it?” <- LMAO

OH GET THIS: Lucy was kidnapped when she was 8 for FIVE YEARS!!!! until she was found by the side of the road. HUH??? THE PLOT IS THICKENING. same guy…? scully seems very deep in thought

first thing lucy says upon their entrance: “i’d like a cigarette” in the hospital. queen i think there are laws against this but idk 💔 

they explain that amy said those same words about spoiling it for us at the same time she did, and lucy has a thoughtful look on her face then says no, i know nothing about it. NOT BUYING IT!

paused on scully’s face to take notes and she really is just so beautiful huh. 

lucy asks when she can leave and they say um probs when the doctor says you can. and she’s like, no they said it was up to you. so they’re like uh yeah you can go. this is very exciting and she doesn’t even change before she leaves. 

CREEPY MAN ALERT. he’s on the side of the road with a busted tire and a tow guy offers to change it for him for $10. a screaming deal! until this fellow picks up a crowbar looking thing and screams LEAVE ME ALONE and chases him away!!! deeply suspicious behaviors. tow guy calls him a freak as he drives away. a very rare deserved case of calling someone a freak as you drive by them.

back at the station, the lead agent or whatever his title is tells mulder that lucy and her boyfriend have a criminal record, but mulder doesn’t think she’s involved. i’d have to agree, but maybe i’m easily fooled. 

“mulder, i got something- something weird” scully strides in the room and announces. and i’m thinking, YEAHHHH BABY, WE LOVE THAT AROUND THESE PARTS!!!

so, here is the weird stuff: lucy had two types of blood on her shirt that night… so scully is gonna test and see if there was a match to amy’s. but mulder doesn’t want lucy treated as a suspect, so he says to try and keep that quiet.

now we’re at a halfway house. a guy is going up some stairs whilst lucy shivers in bed. she has scratches all over her face and complains about being unable to see. and it looks like she has the same scratches as the girl in the creepy guy carl’s hole!!!

mulder rolling up to the halfway house. he asks to take lucy to dinner, as the paramedics say she is probably better now after her episode. 

she is going to town on some soup and insisting that she is clean, and you can even ask henry about this. she is very insistent that she CANNOT help amy, but he is trying to gently be like. well... maybe you CAN. and she says: NO.

back in the hole, amy is having pictures taken of her. and screaming

at the station. mulder is watching a video of lucy from 1978 where she is crying on the ground and also screaming. her eyes were hypersensitive to the light when she finally escaped from her kidnapping all those years ago. it’s honestly very upsetting to watch.

oh!! scully has a break in the case: all the school photos were sent out EXCEPT amy’s. and the assistant was fired THAT DAY AFTER THE SHOOT. his name is CARL. and he spent the last 15 years institutionalized “for a bipolar condition”. well would that make him not a suspect for whoever took lucy…? i can’t do math. but if she got back in ‘78 then it would be possible, right? because idk when s3 takes place. anyway, mulder’s gonna show the photo to lucy and see if she knows him.

(i groan when a story makes a villain bipolar or have any other mental health issue to enhance their ~scariness~. it’s cliche, it’s perpetuating harmful stereotypes, and it’s bad writing. i was mentally throwing tomatoes at the screen)

carl is leaving and he left amy in the basement. is this her chance to break free? or is it a trick. she finds a hole in the wall sealed with some wood and starts to rip it up 

back to lucy cam. mulder is trying to get her to stop running away and he grabs her shoulder and she says “DON’T TOUCH ME. i don’t like to be touched” this is understandable and he apologizes.

anyway, he shows her carl’s photo, and she starts to run away again, indicating that she does, in fact, know who it is.

back to amy cam. she’s trying to break free, but he is coming back in his car! he hears her trying to get out and sees her running out the window. she is running!!! into the woods!!! run run run run!!!

lucy is also running. 

but no!!! they both fall!!! mulder picks lucy up. nooooo, amy failed her escape attempt :(

but upon seeing the photo, lucy confirms that it IS the same guy that took her way back when. she says she feels like she’s going through it all over again. 

however, scully and the cops are at the door! lucy is suspicious. reveal: THE BLOOD ON THE UNIFORM WAS AMY’S!!! mulder is saying she didn’t do it, but scully says it’s concrete evidence. unless you believe in the migration of blood. 

carl is explaining to amy that she shouldn’t have run. she asks for some water. is she gonna make another break for it? no. she does not. but she does ask for her mom and also for her to please not die here. it’s very sad.

mulder throws out a theory: maybe lucy bled out amy’s blood. it’s a stretch. “i hate to say this mulder, but i think you just ran out of credibility” <- girl i think that was a while ago.

i jest, but it appears scully does not. yowch. okay, yeah, bleeding someone else’s blood is a little rough in terms of an idea, but some thoughts we try and keep inside our heads in terms of our pals having wild theories.

OHHHH... scully insinuating that he is seeing his sister in lucy, and that is why he cannot see her as the perpetrator when all the evidence points to it…. oh i felt chills... or some sort of adjacent negative experience. bad feelings washed upon me.

he says that not every single thing he does or says is traced back to his sister but… i’m actually not gonna agree with him on that one. anyway, he’s mad at her. and i would be too tbh!

someone is coming in to the station who saw carl. it’s the tow guy!! and he was spotted heading near the place lucy was found years ago!!! 

carl witnesses the cops racing off to his place. but the agents go to the photo store to see if he has an account. not a bad idea on behalf of mulder.

although, we don’t even know if they go in because next they are ambushing carl’s property. and they see the trap door!!! is she in there??? and she is!!!

WAIT NO. IT’S LUCY?? everyone is confused. 

okay, so they DID go to the photo store, because they have the photos of amy that were taken in the basement… i see now. i am listening and learning.

the cop guy wants to take lucy into custody because she can’t say why she is at the crime scene, but mulder is like “no i’ll take her” and scully tells the cop dude it’s alright. so now she must see what he was saying. he’s walking lucy out. and she’s saying that carl hasn’t touched amy, and then she starts shivering and coughing, saying she is cold and wet. and mulder’s touching her….

he says lucy is trying to tell them amy’s in a river, so they try to go there. and then when carl dunks amy underwater, lucy starts spitting up water!!! and then drowning in the car on land. 

agents are running in the woods.

they find carl, and mulder shoots him. then he runs off holding amy. so he starts doing mouth to mouth and she’s doing chest compressions and lucy is coming back to life?? maybe?? no.

scully is trying to tell him to stop because she’s dead, but he won’t, and they actually come to blows about it. he’s sitting there all soggy and wet and crying. but then she finally starts coughing!!! 

mulder learns that lucy was also dying, and he gets all freaked out and runs back to her. and lucy is, in fact, dead. he’s touching her face as water pours out of her and she’s crying. mulder is full on kneeling at her dead body and sobbing. and damn, if this moment didn't get me right in the chest.

scully shows up to the halfway house, where mulder is sitting on lucy’s bed with a bunch of pictures of her. scully says amy had NO INJURIES and she can’t explain it, but nobody wants to talk about it because everyone is relieved to have her back. and it turns out lucy drowned. despite being on land.

“mulder, whatever there was between them, you were part of that connection, did you think about that?” <- AUGH (girl who is in pain as scully tries to put into words how important he is to not just her, but the whole world)

but he says that dying was pretty much all amy could do to escape from her past. and i'm thinking, well, if this whole episode has been a way to comment on your past... what exactly are you saying? because i'm hearing things i don't like. what about the power of healing and friendship? have we tried this?

i’m not sure how i feel about this episode, so i want to hear your thoughts even more than usual. actually, i am pretty sure that i didn't like it. i love a good character-centric episode, and this was definitely a mulder episode, but i felt that scully was really sidelined. like REALLY sidelined. to the extent she felt almost mean, with the losing credibility comment and trying to get him to stop doing CPR and bringing his sister up into it. on the other hand, though, she did seem to accurately describe the situation as himself projecting his past onto these people. it was pretty clear that was the case no matter how much denial he had going on.

luckily, in long form content like this, when something is written that feels out of character, i have an ease of just ignoring it i feel is usually denied in tighter season or movies. like yeah, everyone has an episode or two where their favorite character acts weird as hell. i could already point to a couple episodes on mulder’s behalf- cough cough genderbender cough cough 3- so maybe this will even out the tally of agents doing stuff that feels wrong. and like those episodes, i can ignore them. i am the rememberer and when i need to i am also the forgetter.

(now, you may present an argument to me that these actions WERE in character for scully. and i will not deny you the chance to present that argument my way. i shall hear out cases with a fair and impartial nature. but my opinions have been voiced)

characterization aside. this was another dark episode with almost no lightheartedness. there were a few things i giggled early on, like the way she just announced his name when they’re reunited, but other than that… childhood kidnapping? a real bummer. also, their psychic connection wasn’t even explained. it didn’t seem to follow any sort of logic at all. she would just… snap into it sometimes and then out of it. but you couldn’t really tell why she’d snap into it beyond it seemed moments where amy was in danger. but like. when you’re kidnapped you’re basically in danger 24/7. so: ??? 

and the transmutation of physical injury. they said that amy had no injuries, but we could see she had the same face cuts and scrapes as lucy. so are they ignoring that or are we thinking that lucy dying absorbed all that damage…?

mulder also ends the episode saying that he thinks death was the only way lucy could escape her suffering, which has troubling implications for his own character and those who love him.

hmm. idk, i just don’t think i liked this one. i’m learning that i find children being hurt less campy and fun than aliens and bigfoot. a good scary episode can be that, both good and scary, but i didn’t feel scared because it still was fantastic in nature. when there was a real scary episode- i’m thinking of irresistible in s2- the reason that felt so scary was because it WAS an entirely human, no supernatural elements at all, spooky episode. and that was the whole point; that episode was used to explore scully’s greatest fears, her struggle with being unable to control every aspect of life, trying to grasp who she can and cannot trust, and the depths to which the human soul can descend. so we had something similar going on here, except that lucy was taking amy’s damage, and you can see how that sort of transmigration makes for a harder sell on the commentary of the evil things humans can accomplish, no?

hmm. again, please let me know. i actually might look this one up, because ever since i learned that there are wikipedia episodes for every single episode, i have mostly neglected that fact to avoid audience ratings sullying my own hot takes on the subject. but this one has me curious. 

[gaywriterthings]

SquidBob Master List: Your SpongeBob SquarePants Guide to SquidBob Episodes

NOTE: Some episodes that focus on Squidward and SpongeBob's relationship are not counted either because of there being other characters directly involved too* (like "Naughty Nautical Neighbors"), Squidward is only shown to dislike/strongly hate SpongeBob or their relationship is not painted in a very positive light (like "Restraining SpongeBob" or "Employee of the Month"), their relationship is painted in a pretty neutral light/there's nothing special to note there** (like "Just One Bite"), the episode is focused mainly on Squidward (like "Squid's Day Off"), or because of the episode just being bad/universally disliked or there being a bunch of Squidward torture (like "Smoothe Jazz In Bikini Bottom" or "Abandon Twits"). I made this list to focus on their friendship and for people who like the ship, so only episodes that actively do that a positive are going to be listed, even if they just have one notable scene.

I will also provide descriptions for those who don't just want to watch the episodes for themselves, so that means there will be spoilers ahead. The descriptions of the episodes will be focused on Squidward (with a few exceptions), as it's far, far, far more apparent in the show how much love and care comes from SpongeBob's side of the relationship. What I want to highlight here is that there's a lot of love and care coming from Squidward's side too, despite how less it's shown.

*One episode I was thinking about including, season 11's "Mustard O' Mine," was removed because it technically falls under this category. However, I will label it before we begin as an honorable mention, as it's a Krusty Krab related adventure starring SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick where Squidward gets along very, very well with both of his neighbors and is shown to be incredibly happy for a good chunk of the episode's time. It is very good by season 11's standards.

**Another episode I was thinking about including, season 13's "Food PBBFT! Truck," was removed because it technically falls under this category, as I surprisingly couldn't find anything special to note about it during my rewatch. I wanted to label it as another honorable mention though, since it's one of those "SpongeBob and Squidward Krusty Krab adventures," one of my favorite episode genres. It's like "SpongeBob in RandomLand," but more tame and taking place in Rock Bottom. It is pretty good by season 13's standards.

I will try my best as someone who's shipped SpongeBob and Squidward for years to remain unbiased, only stating the facts of what happens in each episode and none of my personal opinions or interpretations, other than an emoji to let you know which ones are my favorites. However, if you would like to know more about what I think of any particular episode on this list, please let me know and I will be very, very happy to talk about it.

With all that said, please enjoy!

KEY:

⭐️ - Classic Episode

🍔 - Krusty Krab Related Episode/Adventure

🩵 - Caring Squidward

💕 - My Personal Favorites/Recommendations

❣️ - Specific Notable Scene

1. ⭐️🍔🩵💕 Pizza Delivery - Season 1

As the title suggests, Squidward is thrust into a pizza delivery with SpongeBob, during which two quickly get lost, and he makes known how adamant he is of disliking the entire situation. However, in the end, when he watches a customer act terribly mean to SpongeBob for forgetting a drink he never even ordered, Squidward is immediately shown to be worried about him. Upon seeing him break, fall to the ground, and sob, Squidward becomes furious, and pays the customer his karma for what he had driven SpongeBob to by slamming his pizza in his face.

2. ⭐️🩵❣️ SB-129 - Season 1

Though this episode happened because Squidward was trying to get away from SpongeBob, in the end, when there's no way for Squidward to get back home, he realizes just how much he actually misses him. Saying so out loud is what ultimately does bring him back home, where he then tells SpongeBob (and Patrick) they don't know how happy he is to see them.

3. ⭐️🩵❣️ Fools In April - Season 1

Though Squidward pulled a horrible prank on SpongeBob in this episode that drove him to tears, he soon begins to feel very bad about it, saying he never meant to make SpongeBob cry. However, he has difficulty telling him he's sorry, but his conscience and sheer amount of guilt eventually drive him to run to SpongeBob's house and shout through the door, saying three times he's sorry and that he never meant to hurt him, but in fact likes him, likes living next door, and likes hearing his foghorn alarm in the morning and his high pitched giggling at night.

4. ⭐️🩵💕 Dying For Pie - Season 2

Once Squidward is told by Mr. Krabs that SpongeBob is going to die by the end of the day, he immediately becomes very scared and worried. He begins to freak out and cry, and tells Krabs that he's going to "make SpongeBob's final hours the best he's ever had", and that there's gonna be so much love "he's gonna drown in it". He then asks SpongeBob what the most fun thing he can think of is and spends the entire day with him doing everything on his "friendship list," a list he keeps of the fun things he likes to do. It is incredibly obvious just how much Squidward genuinely doesn't want SpongeBob to die, and when he finally thinks he has, he immediately begins to sob. He shows nothing but care for him almost the entire episode.

5. ⭐️ Squidville - Season 2

Though Squidward finally moves out of Conch Street in this episode, he's quickly shown to find his new life in Tentacle Acres boring and repetitive. SpongeBob is still on his mind, something as simple as the sound of a reef blower making Squidward think he's there. He realizes he prefers the life on Conch Street with someone like SpongeBob, as different from him he may be, rather than the life in Tentacle Acres with other octopi just like him. In the end, he becomes the "SpongeBob" of Tentacle Acres before ultimately moving back home by the next episode.

6. ⭐️🩵💕 Christmas Who? - Season 2

Despite how jerky Squidward acts towards SpongeBob in this special, once SpongeBob tells him he made something for him so he "wouldn't be left out when Santa came", his whole attitude changes. Once he opens the gift and calls it "the greatest gift he has ever gotten,” Squidward realizes how just awful he'd been acting. He realizes all SpongeBob had wanted was to spread a little joy, and despite still not liking the holiday, Squidward then dresses up as Santa to convince SpongeBob his wish really did come true. He tells him that he was the one who brought Christmas to Bikini Bottom, causing him to become so happy he faints. Squidward then keeps this Santa charade up for the rest of the episode, "giving away all his stuff just so SpongeBob wouldn't be sad." The episode ends with Squidward playing the clarinet SpongeBob had made for him.

7. ⭐️🍔💕 Graveyard Shift - Season 2

SpongeBob and Squidward are together the entire episode and get along fairly well, with Squidward teasing SpongeBob and telling him a fake story to scare him during the night shift, letting him know it was a joke when he got too scared. Later on when they believe the story had become real, Squidward holds on to SpongeBob and tells him he's "always sort of liked him."

8. ⭐️🍔💕 Krab Borg - Season 3

SpongeBob and Squidward get along very well in this episode. When SpongeBob tells Squidward he believes Mr. Krabs is a robot, Squidward, although not really believing him, keeps up conversation with him and goes along with his attempts to prove to him that Krabs is a robot. After Squidward is finally convinced, he works together with SpongeBob to interrogate who they think is Robot Krabs and get him to tell them what he did with the Real Krabs. After SpongeBob tells Squidward that the robots in the scary movie he watched that led to all this ended up being in the characters' imagination, he makes up a lie to excuse himself and leaves Squidward behind with an angry Krabs, and he doesn't even get mad at him for doing so.

9. ⭐️❣️ Born Again Krabs - Season 3

After Mr. Krabs breaks his deal with the Flying Dutchman, he angrily shows up at the Krusty Krab. After SpongeBob sticks up for him, the Flying Dutchman tells Krabs that he'll give him another chance if he helps him settle a bet. He then makes him choose between SpongeBob and all the money he has in his pocket- which ends up being 62 cents- and Krabs immediately chooses the money. After the Flying Dutchman takes SpongeBob to Davy Jones's locker, Squidward is angry at Krabs for letting it happen and stands up for SpongeBob. He tells Krabs he should be ashamed of himself for what he had done, and makes him feel remorse for his actions.

10. ⭐️💕 The Two Faces of Squidward - Season 5

SpongeBob and Squidward get along very, very well the whole episode. Though Squidward is initially angry at SpongeBob for hitting him with a door and landing him in the hospital, once he realizes he has become handsome, he leaves the hospital with SpongeBob and hangs out with him for the rest of the day. Squidward is smiling the entire time, not once finding SpongeBob's presence annoying or getting angry at him. The next day, when Squidward realizes the Bikini Bottomites adore him too much, he runs to SpongeBob's house to get away from them and ask him for help.

11. ❣️ Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful - Season 7

When SpongeBob offers to help Squidward with his community service, he cleans up every single piece of trash in town for him. Squidward is shown to be very shocked and grateful and tells SpongeBob he "hates him a little less now," to which SpongeBob tears up at and tells him it was a "beautiful thing to say". Even after Squidward finds out what he had done with all the trash, in the end, when he sees it had caused Squilliam's statue to melt, he thanks SpongeBob a third time.

12. 🩵❣️ Sponge-Cano! - Season 7

After SpongeBob sings a song to Squidward all about being grateful for the life he is living, Squidward tells him that "being his neighbor leaves him with nothing to be grateful for." He soon tells him he doesn't want his help ever again, and SpongeBob obeys his wishes. However, as the episode nears its end and Squidward is about to fall into a volcano and SpongeBob is the only one who can help him out, he lets him know that he does appreciate his friendship and he is grateful, even quoting his song and saying "I am grateful for the life I am living, who knows how long I will have it?" and reminding him that he learned that from him. After SpongeBob pulls Squidward to safety, he tells him he always knew he felt that way and thanks him for opening up to them.

13. Love That Squid - Season 7

This episode is all about Squidward crushing on a sophisticated female octopus named Squilvia. SpongeBob offers to help him when he has difficulty asking her out, and he lists to Squilvia all the reasons why one should want to date Squidward, concluding with the fact that he knows "anyone who is lucky enough to go on a romantical date with him would get to experience things on a whole 'nother and very special level". After this gets Squilvia to agree to go on a date with Squidward, SpongeBob puts on a wig and a dress and takes Squidward on a "practice date" to prepare him for his real one. Squidward goes along with this, and stays fairly calm throughout the whole date. Though he does get angry at SpongeBob at the end, when he realizes Squilvia had overheard his outburst and finds him dreamy because of it, his anger immediately fades and he gushes to SpongeBob about it, leaving him happy for him.

14. Are You Happy Now? - Season 8

SpongeBob acts nothing but nice, caring, calm, and patient towards Squidward in this episode, more so than he has in any other. Concerned after Squidward tells him he doesn't have a happiest memory, the two cry together before SpongeBob offers to help him create one, which Squidward accepts. With each try, something goes wrong the second Squidward begins to feel happy that instantly crushes his mood, but nothing that happens is SpongeBob's fault in any way. When the two return to Conch Street, Squidward concludes that he will never have a happiest memory and retreats into his house for two weeks. Not once during those two weeks does SpongeBob invade Squidward's personal space or try to check up on him like he would in any other situation. He lets him have that time to himself because he understands he needs to leave him alone, and only tries to get a hold of him once he becomes concerned and fears the worst.

15. 💕 Hello Bikini Bottom! - Season 8

In this special, SpongeBob and Squidward go on tour with Mr. Krabs as their cheap manager and Patrick as their dimwitted roadie. Though there are a lot of things in this episode that don't necessarily go Squidward's way and he was shown to complain a lot, he got along fairly well with SpongeBob almost the entire time. It was evident in his face how happy he was during his first gig when he was duetting with him in the supermarket. More and more things begin to go wrong on their tour, however, and after their tour bus drives off a cliff suffering a flat tire with no spares available, Squidward finally decides he's had enough and begins to walk back home to Bikini Bottom. Saddened after his failed attempts at getting him to stay, SpongeBob hops up onto the top of the bus with his ukulele and begins singing a song directed at Squidward with a self-explanatory title of "Never Give Up." About 40 seconds in, the song turns into a duet between the two of them, during which Squidward decides to turn around and head back to SpongeBob. The song ends with the two of them playing their instruments together, and comes to a close after Squidward joins SpongeBob on the top of the tour bus. Squidward is pleasantly surprised at the way their duet sounded, telling SpongeBob "that was actually kind of good", before the two raise their hands to high five.

16. 🍔 The Sewers of Bikini Bottom - Season 9

SpongeBob and Squidward get along pretty well basically right from the start of the episode. Almost immediately, they begin to have a sort of childlike fun together flushing random stuff down the toilet in the Krusty Krab's bathroom, smiling wide and laughing. When they accidentally flush Mr. Krabs' safe containing the secret formula, however, they begin to freak out and Squidward tells SpongeBob to go retrieve it. After he steps into the toilet and flushes himself, Squidward realizes the severity of what he had done, and tells himself that flushing SpongeBob down the toilet was "despicable, even for him," and then flushes himself to go after him. As the two of them begin to make their way through the sewers, they continue to get along well, and Squidward goes along with every little thing that happens without question, remaining fairly chill about his situation right up to the end of the episode.

17. ❣️ The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

Whenever SpongeBob and Squidward are together in this movie, they get along pretty well. After SpongeBob turns them all into superheroes, Squidward loves how buff he becomes, and is very upset to lose all that muscle when they return home to Bikini Bottom. Back there, however, SpongeBob tells him not to be sad and that he left him a little surprise under his shirt. After Squidward lifts his shirt to reveal rock hard abs, he smiles wide and playfully punches SpongeBob on the shoulder, telling him he's "okay in his book."

18. Out of the Picture - Season 10

SpongeBob is the only one in this episode to show genuine interest in and love of Squidward's art, both convincing Mr. Krabs to hold Squidward's art show at his restaurant and buying one of his paintings because "he loves it". Despite the things Mr. Krabs puts Squidward through in this episode, he doesn't catch on to the fact that Krabs is trying to get him killed and remains pretty chill about it all. That is, until Krabs gives up and just starts chasing him with a mallet, during which SpongeBob is on Squidward's side and is determined to keep him safe no matter what. All in all, the two get along very well the entire episode.

19. 🍔 The Check-Up - Season 11

In this episode, SpongeBob and Squidward work together to give Mr. Krabs his physical without his knowledge because of his fear of check-ups. While working together, the two get along well, and Squidward never really gets mad at SpongeBob at any point in the episode.

20. 💕 Squid Noir - Season 11

SpongeBob and Squidward become hard- boiled detectives in this episode, getting along fairly well the entire time. They work together, side by side the whole episode, to solve the mystery of who stole Squidward's clarinet after it goes missing.

21. 🍔 Bottle Burglars - Season 11

SpongeBob and Squidward get along pretty well the entire episode. After they accidentally throw away the secret formula and Plankton finds it, they work together to sneak into the Chum Bucket to steal it back. Though they fail, Squidward goes basically the entire episode without complaining or getting mad at SpongeBob, simply just working with him to accomplish what they need to.

22. 🍔 Sanitation Insanity - Season 11

After a trash problem at the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs is sentenced to pick up all of the trash around Bikini Bottom. Instead of doing so himself, he orders SpongeBob and Squidward to do it for him. Though Squidward makes it known that he doesn't want to do that job, he gets along well with SpongeBob the entire time, simply going along with everything that comes his way.

23. 🩵❣️ Appointment TV - Season 11

In this episode, SpongeBob is in a rush to get home after a long day at work to watch a never before seen episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy that is airing on TV that night. However, he is constantly stopped by people asking for his help, and by the time he finally gets home, he has missed the airing and finds that his VCR had gone haywire, causing things to burst into flames and rendering him unable to watch the episode. He begins to cry loudly and says his life now has no meaning, and all of his friends- including Squidward- immediately begin to feel guilty for taking advantage of him and his kindness. They then work together to create a live performance of the episode for him, Squidward reprising his role of Dr. Negative from the season 10 episode "Mermaid Pants," and SpongeBob, in tears by the time the show is over, tells them he "loved the love they showed him."

24. 🩵❣️ Pineapple RV - Season 12

Although Squidward is mad with SpongeBob (and Patrick) almost the entire episode, near the end when he leaves them in the woods and starts to drive back home without them, he immediately begins to worry about their safety. Quickly, he turns around and drives back to frantically search for them, only to be met with the sounds of their screams from inside of a nearby cave. He then runs into the cave, delivering a karate chop to one of the sea bears inside- despite the fact that he is terrified of them, shown in the season 3 episode "The Camping Episode"- and shouts "Don't you dare eat those morons!"

25. 🍔 SpongeBob In RandomLand - Season 12

Despite how many weird and random things happen to SpongeBob and Squidward in this episode, Squidward goes along with every single thing like they're common occurrences, barely ever complaining and simply just working with SpongeBob to accomplish what they're in RandomLand to do. The two get along well the entire adventure.

26. Pat Hearts Squid - Season 12

Though this episode is focused on Squidward and Patrick's relationship, when Squidward is enraged after Patrick becomes "a better Squidward," SpongeBob is on his next door neighbor's side. He gives him good advice on how to deal with his situation, Squidward is very grateful (showing so by picking SpongeBob up and air-kissing him), and he gladly hangs out with SpongeBob as he follows his advice.

27. 🍔💕 Bubble Bass's Tab - Season 12

In this episode, Mr. Krabs sends SpongeBob and Squidward to Bubble Bass's house to collect his tab after he refuses to pay it. Squidward is the most determined to complete this task, starting off by kicking down the door to his house- which SpongeBob calls "masculine," and Squidward briefly gets flustered at. Once they're inside, Bubble Bass tells them he'll pay the money he owes if they play a board game called the Three Deadly Challenges with him. SpongeBob, who loves the game, immediately agrees, but Squidward doesn't want to go along with it, questioning why SpongeBob is giving Bubble Bass the upper hand while he's the one that owes them money. He gives in, however, when he sees how much SpongeBob really wants to play. He then plays alongside him in a life size version of the Three Deadly Challenges, going along with each one and eventually actually getting really into it with the help of SpongeBob's imagination, defeating Bubble Bass at last. The episode ends back at the Krusty Krab with SpongeBob and Squidward happily dancing the tango together.

28. 🩵💕❣️ The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run

After Mr. Krabs, Plankton, Sandy, and Squidward find out that SpongeBob and Patrick are going to be executed in the Lost City of Atlantic City, they rush over to save them. Even though Squidward says he's just going to see Kelpy G, he says his piece to Poseidon and his audience to try and convince them to save SpongeBob's life when they arrive. He says that even though he can't stand him, he loves him. Though he calls him annoying, he also calls him sweet and nice. Finally, he concludes by calling him his friend, and saying that he doesn't deserve to die. This brings the audience to tears and makes SpongeBob incredibly happy.

29. Squidferatu - Season 13

After SpongeBob finds out that Squidward has been getting Nosferatu's mail for years, he lets him know he needs to deliver it to him and Squidward tells him to come along. Once they finally arrive at Nosferatu's castle, Slappy tells them that they need to spend the night due to "inclement weather." However, the two soon believe that Nosferatu is trying to attack them, and they run through the castle, working together to figure out how to stay safe. They get along pretty well the entire episode.

30. Mandatory Music - Season 13

In this episode, Squidward lands himself in a court ordered music class for his poor clarinet playing. SpongeBob ends up being in the class as well, wanting to practice playing his nose, and nearing the end of the episode, Squidward has shown no improvement and his clarinet is forcibly destroyed. SpongeBob comforts him when he is crying, offering him a tissue, and once he blows his nose, it is found to create trumpet noises. SpongeBob starts cheering him on, telling him he's "finally found his instrument." After Squidward is declared the "most improved student in the class", he smiles, and the episode transitions to him giving a public performance with his nose playing. SpongeBob continues to cheer him on the loudest, and the episode ends with Squidward wiping a tear from his eye and happily continuing on playing.

31. ❣️ Swimming Fools - Season 13

Though Squidward was mad at and rude to SpongeBob at a couple points in this episode, near the end he calms down and becomes soft and apologetic. He comes clean to SpongeBob about using his pool without his permission, admitting to him how jealous he was of it. SpongeBob then comforts a crying Squidward and lets him know that they're "best neighbors", and that he can use his pool "any time, day or night". Squidward then smiles and thanks him.

[altraviolet]

re: new fic ramblies

haha guess who's gonna be in the new fic :D but with a face & hands (I'm assuming he was forged with a face????)

Damus! haha what a loser. an incredibly powerful loser...

(poor Damus)

(but not really)

I haven't been able to think of a happy ending for the new fic. major character death isn't ideal but it's what feels like the logical end to the themes of the story. I'll keep thinking because I like & prefer happy endings. alternately, I need to think of a "cheating death" ending that doesn't feel unearned or too miracle-y

I've never plotted out a story in full before. I prefer to write snippets and scenes as they come to me and discover the story that way. I've been writing out questions ("What is the ending?") and then writing out tons of answers to the questions ("Ending X or Y or Z"), but things are very slow to slot together. It's hard to make decisions about what to do because either I don't want to pick the wrong thing, or nothing so far appeals to me. Essentially, the problem is the problem, in that, I don't know what's supposed to happen, so I don't know how to write what happens 😄

One of the things that made TEG fun for me was putting my favorite characters in there. I haven't done that the same way so far... maybe I should try, haha.

Damn. Plots are hard! xD

Regarding IDW1 Soundwave: I went through the tf wiki (each comic has a Quotes section) and grabbed as many Soundwave quotes as I could find. I'm analyzing his way of speaking so I can try to understand his character. Instead of making a whole new character out of him, I'd like to challenge myself to write the IDW1 personality. So far I've gathered that he states the obvious in a way that is insulting without being overtly insulting, which is, in itself, a skill xD

Hound: You captured Megatron?! Bumblebee: I, uh, rescued Megatron. Megatron: You assisted me. Soundwave: This is not important.

Though it seems easier to characterize him by way of other characters' reactions:

Jetfire: Good luck. Soundwave: When has luck been on our side? Jetfire: Always a pleasure.

If anyone somehow magically has a repository of IDW1 Soundwave quotes, please let me know xD

Regarding AU vs fan continuity, which is a phrase I just learned... I'm not sure how to characterize this fic. It's basically ganking the IDW1 characters, but putting them on a Cybertron with a vastly different beginning. Instead of Primus and the Guiding Hand and the God Wars, the expansion, the Ark, functionism and ratioism, etc etc, there's going to be a totally different mythological/diety set up. It's still going to be deeply rooted in what being Cybertronian means (as far as I can define it). I read that a 'fan continuity' would be recognizably Transformers by a non-fan (as opposed to something like a coffee house AU), and that's the goal. So maybe I should be using that phrase to describe it. I guess... if The Angel Breaker still felt like a Transformers story to you - it had recognizably Transformery elements - that's more the vibe than IDW1 itself.

On another note, I should probably use this fic as my excuse to finally utilize Scrivener, but I'm... I don't wanna, haha. I don't wanna learnnnnn iiiiiiiiit... I'll just suffer with my 7 year old version of OpenOffice. Also I have concerns about how to transfer fic from Scrivener to AO3. AO3 does not like OpenOffice. I have to write out all the html, which is annoying, but it is a devil I know.

I'm going to tag all the ramblies and posts regarding the new fic as "re: new fic" until it has a title. Then I'll be able to retag with the title name :) I think it will be interesting to do some rambly posts about the new fic, because it's kind of like talking aloud with a friend. I did a lot of talking to myself for TEG, haha.

New fic characters so far: Soundwave, Ravage, Laserbeak, Rodimus, Flatline, Damus

[holmesxwatson]

James Lovegrove’s Sherlock Holmes books

James Lovegrove has written a ton of Sherlock Holmes books over the years (all Victorian era/canon era). I recently came across his latest series on the Hoopla app while I was browsing audiobooks that were available and the cover art totally roped me in. I ended up reading all three books in the newest series, all the Cthulu casebooks and a few in his earliest series. As far as I can tell, his books seem to be split into three different series based on the structure of the subtitles and the different cover art. I enjoyed all the books I read by Lovegrove for different reasons, but as I've already established in my other book rec posts, I mostly only care about the Holmes/Watson dynamic. So listed below are Lovegrove's Sherlock series in chronological order, which also happens to be, in my opinion, the order from least to best Holmes & Watson dynamics •ᴗ•

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The New Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Titan Books Series, 2013-2018

I honestly just realized while researching links for this post that Lovegrove's books in this series are part of a bigger series with multiple authors (lol me), so I'm not going to list all the titles here, but they've been published from 2011-2023 and Lovegrove has written six of the 21 books. The other authors in the series are Guy Adams, George Mann, Cavan Scott, Mark A. Latham, Nick Kyme, Philip Purser-Hallard, and Tim Major. I read the first two Lovegrove books in this series last after reading his other SH series and the stories were pretty solid. One of them was a WWI-era story, which is a time period that I love to read about. The only thing I will say is that the Holmes & Watson vibe is a little too I'm-smarter-than-you-do-keep-up for my taste, which is why I took a break after reading the first two. But I wouldn't be against dipping back into this series at some point in the future and also checking out what the other authors have to offer.

Goodreads series page (x)

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The Cthulu Casebooks, 2016-2023

There are four books in the Cthulu Casebooks series and the framing device is that James Lovegrove himself is a descendant of H.P. Lovecraft, which is how he comes into possession of Watson's secret writings on his and Sherlock's real adventures going up against Cthulu and other eldritch horrors. These books are not just a romp through a mashup of literary worlds, there are very real stakes and things get dark. I really liked these books, I'm not really a Lovecraft fan at all, but I have read some of his works and of course I'm aware of all the elements from his works that have transcended their stories and are really a part of general fantasy/horror fan knowledge. My best friend is a huge Lovecraft fan and we read these together, so they were able to tell me how precise the Lovecraftian elements were -- they were precise -- so Lovecraft fan approved. The framing device was my favorite thing, especially the author's note at the end of book three, which was a very bone-chilling way to end the book (that I was listening to on audio in my dark house at night -- oops).

Sherlock Holmes and the Shadwell Shadows

Sherlock Holmes and the Miskatonic Monstrosities

Sherlock Holmes and the Sussex Sea-Devils

Sherlock Holmes and the Highgate Horrors

Goodreads series page (x)

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James Lovegrove's Sherlock Holmes, 2019-2021

This was my favorite series out of the Lovegrove set and also the first that I read. I felt like the Holmes & Watson dynamic was especially great -- and for me that means: they felt more like equals, there was just the right amount of bickering, and they cared deeply about each other. While I was reading these I took some short notes to help me remember what was special about each book, here they are below next to the titles. I would say that the covers and titles make the series seem like it might have fantasy elements, but it's more like they are debunking their clients outlandish theories before getting stuck in on the actual case.

Sherlock Holmes & the Christmas Demon (has a Three Garridebs-esque scene; Holmes dresses up as Santa!)

Sherlock Holmes & The Beast of the Stapletons (a continuation of HOUN complete with a short estrangement of Holmes & Watson)

Sherlock Holmes & The Three Winter Terrors (the dedication at the beginning of the book is to Jeremy Brett ❤)

Goodreads pages (x) (x) (x)

Here’s my goodreads shelf with all kinds of Sherlock Holmes books that I’ve read or am hoping to read. Let me know if you have any recs! And check my pinned post for other book recs posts!

[googledetective]

the theories that have been presented on this cast + one of my own :)

I do want to mention that I strongly believe this is a prequel due to a conversation I had with a bunch of people on discord earlier. (Everyone was 16+, dw.)

I haven’t seen anything about the first two at all so far, so I’ll be skipping over them and onto the third guy (oh my fucking lord).

(Also this post from @nesisamess helped a lot)

Staring onto the third dude,

(both posts are made by @zitherwaifuus :)

It seems that here this guy has some sort of relationship to XF-Future Tech, which if you’ve seen Min’s side story, you’d know is the company that came into her life and groomed her to be the Ultimate Student. She received special tutoring for them and worked her ass off for that title her entire life because of that. Next, this guy shares the same tie pin she does, and it’s also very notable that she dresses up with the same button down and tie in her MV. Not only do I think she is linked to the company now, but she might be working there before she was in the game. Who knows, though.

Next, I have not seen anything on the fourth girl besides a bunch of people on discord theorizing what the dandelion in her hair could mean. Unfortunately dandelions have different meanings from different cultures all over the world, so until it’s specified about where she’s from, I don’t think there’s many assumptions we can make yet.

Number Five, the purple guy.

Everyone seems to think so far that this is Elliot Cuevas, Charles Cuevas’s deceased brother. Now let me tell you that although I can’t see it based off design, the way he looks (playful and kinda weird but happy) and the way he was described by the creator in the latest qna (a popular joyous dude), can definitely make me see this being real. The only thing that is super far fetched about this is that we know he died a long time ago, and so if this is a prequel, it would have to be at least 15 years before drdt even starts.

Here’s also some more evidence from @sunlit-haru supporting the ‘that’s Elliot’ theory.

Now we’re up to the protagonist, who mind you is definitely my favorite so far. I will eliminate the rest of you protag dickriders so I will be the only simp left.

ANYWAYS, in the about page for this, it’s stated that this is a fangan for someone who wants to be the perfect teacher. Now with the hidden quote on the drdt tumblr page about this teacher…

( @demodraws0606 ‘s post)

Uh oh. I think we’ve figured out who this mysterious teacher might be. As for who is talking to them, I’ve personally got a few ideas, but they are not backed with any evidence.

1. The mastermind from this first killing game

2. Mai Akasaki or David Chiem still

3. The mastermind of the drdt killing game

Whoever it is, I think that these games are surely related and that each current kg participant does have a relation with one of these cast members. And that previous killing game’s end is why this one is happening.

Then, based off the post up top and a few others, people seem to think this is Teruko’s brother. I’m going to give a wild theory (no evidence) that Mai Akasaki knows him, only bc of the red in his hair. Then I think Mai would’ve found Teruko, and she would’ve been trying to reconnect them. Just a theory, though. There’s no evidence based around that this guy might be Teruko’s brother though, sadly.

Last but not least, @1moreff-creator pieced together some of the text on his badge:

I’m just gonna say that I’m seriously impressed with your efforts cause I have no fucking clue that could even be readable lmao.

*UPDATE ON TEXT: holy mother of god, @xmicrophonyx is a fucking god, and deciphered it. Here you go, and we all have got to give a serious thank you to them.

Sadly I cannot link the image of what the phone number gets to, but it gets linked to a yellow pill. I don’t have any ideas on how it would relate to the game, but I think it does. It’s used for high blood pressure and heart failure. If he’s really related to Teruko, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had high blood pressure lmao.

Also, the area code for 555 is just North America.

Here’s what I found on Wikipedia:

“The telephone number prefix 555 is a central office code in the North American Numbering Plan, used as the leading part of a group of 10,000 telephone numbers, 555-XXXX, in each numbering plan area (NPA) (area code). It has traditionally been used only for the provision of directory assistance, when dialing NPA-555-1212.

The central office code is also used for fictitious telephone numbers in North American television shows, films, video games, and other media in order to prevent practical jokers and curious callers from bothering telephone subscribers and organizations by calling telephone numbers they see in works of fiction.”

I don’t understand the first part, but it seems that this is a fictional number. If someone could explain to me wtf that first part even memes, I might be able to give more info.

Anyways, it seems that this guy ended up being a teacher at HPA, before or after the killing game. But I think this was very worth mentioning.

Unfortunately I’ve seen nothing about the next two, but I want to say that the girl in all pink (#8) I think is Felicity Giles, if that’s even possible. I just feel that’s Arturo’s sister. I know, I’m a weirdo. Even if #7 looks more like Arturo, I just cannot see it.

Moving on, nine and ten! If you look at them closely they’ve got the same eye pattern, suggesting they’re siblings, or likely twins, since they’ve got the fire/ice scheme going on.

Lastly, eleven which oh my god, Arturo’s dream girl! But she’s been theorized to be Whit’s mom. Here’s the post that argues a pretty convincing reason of why.

Oh boy. That woman is pretty cool and is very elegant, and has the same shade of blond hair that Whit dyed his too. I don’t think she’s any coincidence.

But joining along on that last little paragraph of this person’s post, it’s starting to seem a lot of characters do have connections to this cast and are seemingly mentioned quite a few times.

UPDATE: oh my lord, @accirax literally went on a deep dive for us and gave us a pretty good explanation and educated guess on everyone’s talents. I’m not going to link it because they covered pretty much every logical point as to why they have their guesses. Here’s the post if you haven’t already seen it https://www.tumblr.com/accirax/728687594893885440/drdt-new-character-talent-analysis

Anyways this is just the sum-up of everyone’s theorizing + a bit of my add on to it, and huge kudos to everyone who’s been making theories so far. I’ll be updating & crediting if there’s anymore notable things that come out.

Thanks for reading!

[maryfailstowrite]

Do you want to know who one of my favorite DRA characters is???? do you??? no, you don’t, but I’m telling you either way: it’s Kinji Uehara. Here’s why.

(obviously, spoilers for DRA ahead, so…. beware :))

So, to me, Uehara is an intriguing character from the start. When you hear the title “Ultimate Priest”, it makes you imagine a loud guy who is going to ramble on and on about God and religion and accepting Jesus Christ into your heart and all that… but you’re met with a quiet man that explicitly tells you that he doesn’t force his faith onto others. Even Yuki is a bit surprised, and this brief conversation leaves you wanting to find out more about him…

And oh man, do we find out more.

I think his first shining moment is in chapter two. When Kinjo is trying to start his dictatorship- I mean cult- Sorry, when Kinjo is trying to establish himself as leader of the group, and says that whoever doesn’t agree with his conditions must get out and will be seen as a preliminary criminal from now on. We see Mekaru get out and tell Kinjo he’s insane, which is a power move, by the way, but expected from her. This is Rei Mekaru we’re talking about, after all. She ain’t taking no one’s bullshit. Then Kizuna gets out (not without yelling and crying a bit before, of course), which was also expected given her mental state at the moment… And then there’s Uehara. He literally just gets up and leaves, and only explains himself because Inori asks him to.

So far, Uehara has been a pretty tame person. He got along with everyone, helped at the trial, and overall, he had never gone against anyone. But now he opposes himself (or, rather, Kinjo opposes the both groups against each other, but that’s another tale) against the main group of students, and decides, for some unknown reason to everyone, that being seen as a potential murderer is better than having to follow Kinjo’s rules.

His response to being asked why he’s leaving? This:

Then he walks out. Just like that.

Obviously, the Ultimate Priest would be a pretty moral-driven person, right? He’s supposed to be a spiritual leader, after all.

The first interpretation of this we make is that associating with Kinjo and following his orders would eventually make Uehara do something that goes against his moral compass. Even if Kinjo tries to make himself seem reasonable and reliable, it’s pretty damn obvious he’s not after the first trial. We know that he has a pretty black and white view on criminality, as far as thinking that all murderers (no matter their motive, circumstances, etc.) should die, a moral view that is a stark contrast to the Christian concepts of mercy and forgiveness. Concepts Uehara, as a priest, would base his world view on.

Kinjo and Uehara are basically opposites, morality wise. Kinjo would do anything (and in his case, it really is anything) to maintain the order he believes the world (in this context, the school and his classmates) should follow, and he’d go to any lengths to make sure justice finds every person he sees as ‘bad’, no matter how drastic or dark anyone else thinks his methods are. Uehara, on his end, doesn’t hold any grudges against any of the students that stopped talking to him after he left Kinjo’s group, and he doesn’t even hold a grudge against Kinjo, who is the whole reason why he’s been ostracized from his classmates. He still collaborates with the investigations and in the trials, and there’s nothing that points to him being mad at anyone for basically leaving him to his own luck in a killing game. He believes in and practices the mercy and forgiveness he’s been taught to have as a priest…

Or does he, though?

(Note: There is another interpretation to his response after being asked why he’s leaving. But we need to know what happens after chapter two to make it, so we’ll get to it later.)

Now, chapter three is his chapter. It’s his last chapter alive, and here’s where we get a more deep dive into him. But we can’t talk about any of this without talking about the murder itself, so… let’s get that out of the way.

The third murder case is incredibly gruesome (or at least it was for me), especially Inori’s death. You can hear her screaming for help inside the lab minutes before you open the door and find her tied up and burnt to death. It looks like an excessively cruel murder, especially considering there was no real reason to kill her in such a painful way. She was one of the weakest, if not the weakest character in the cast (physically speaking, of course), and she wouldn’t have shown much resistance if simply attacked (especially against someone like Uehara, who is double her size).

Plus, aside from Inori and Yamaguchi, two other people were attacked. Kinjo was left unconscious on the library floor, and Mekaru was taken out with chloroform and shoved into a locker. It feels unnecessary, and like attacking more people means the possibility of leaving more clues behind… but we’ll get to that later, so hang on for a moment.

Now, personally, after the victim reveals, I was conflicted. I had gotten spoiled, so I already knew who the killer was… and I was in denial about it. I wondered what could’ve driven Uehara to commit such a cruel and almost sadistic crime, and I was a bit scared they would pull the ‘oh my god, this character that seemed calm and collected up until this point is actually super insane and a cold-blooded murderer’ thing the original Danganronpa always does in chapter 3. In this aspect, I was pleasantly surprised.

Uehara being the traitor is a super surprising reveal. Even after ‘solving’ the murder case and voting correctly, it had never crossed anyone’s mind that Uehara was the traitor. Yet, that was exactly why the murders even happened in the first place. The motive video they had been given only existed to give Uehara instructions: If he killed now, the children Monokuma had kidnapped from Uehara’s cathedral would be freed, and if he didn’t get caught, he’d get to see them after getting out.

Of course, Uehara complied. Those kids were very dear to him. And we discover that originally, Uehara’s plan was far less gruesome: He kidnapped Inori from the infirmary and killed her with the spear while she was passed out (I assume he used the chloroform on her too, since she’s passed out when Yamaguchi finds her). But Yamaguchi’s appearance throws his whole plan away, and, as we see in the trial… Uehara breaks down easily under pressure. In other words, he panicked.

I think this is pretty important to understand why he did what he did. He never intended to kill anyone if it hadn’t been because Monokuma coerced him to, much less in such a horrible way. But after killing Yamaguchi “on accident” (wasn’t an accident, but it wasn’t his original plan), he probably started panicking and tried to bullshit his way out of it. He knew he couldn’t just let Inori go, because she’d immediately know he was the one that killed Yamaguchi. Even if she was passed out as he tried to save her, if a guy tried to kidnap you and someone else appeared dead a few hours later… it would be pretty suspicious. Plus, her coat was drenched in his blood, so… yeah, no way she wouldn’t put 2 and 2 together. So, Uehara started putting together a new plan with the first things he saw on the way. He had the phone on him, so his mind probably went there first, and then he started making up the rest of it from there.

Don’t take this as me trying to excuse his actions, though. Even if we think he didn’t realize just how painful his method was when he planned it, he still fucking electrocuted someone alive, which is horrible. He could’ve let Inori go and let her know he was the culprit, sacrificing himself, because the children would’ve still been released. He still had that selfishness in him to want to survive. But I think that imagining him making up a new plan on the way in a panicked state makes it easier to understand why he did things that seem completely unnecessary. And since we already know he’s not good under pressure because of the trial… I don’t think it’s hard to imagine him like that. He most likely acted on the first ideas he had using things he already had on him (the phone for Inori, the chloroform with Mekaru) or the first things he found, and that’s why his plan is so messy. Why did he drag Yamaguchi to the library when he could’ve just left him in the art room’s locker? To leave him next to Kinjo? He wanted to pin the murder on the guy that believes all murderers should die? While said guy was unconscious? Or was it just to confuse everyone and make them think the murders happened at the same time? And why did he shove Mekaru in the locker with the dried blood? That was basically leading the cast to an important clue. Why did he leave Inori’s coat in the art room’s trash? Knowing that they would investigate there, since that’s where they found Mekaru?

Like I said, the more murders/attacks, the more clues you potentially leave behind. And if we take into consideration that he was acting on the go, and that he didn’t have much time to cover up what he was doing (because he did a ton of shit)… It was impossible for him to get away with it. He probably knew this, but he held onto the hope that perhaps he’d be able to survive, and that’s why he breaks down when he realizes he’s cornered in the trial. But when he realizes that he’s been caught, he calms down because… at least the children are safe, right? Right?

One of the most heartbreaking moments in this chapter is the reveal that the children are, in fact, far from safe. Before killing Uehara, Monokuma shows him (and the whole cast) a video of the children’s dead, decomposing bodies, driving Uehara into a state of shock he dies in. I think this is a great way to make the cast’s fear and hate for the mastermind grow, but I feel like it’s also there to make a point. Uehara tried killing his classmates so that the kids could survive. He tried to choose by himself who lived and who died, and in the end, it only caused more deaths. This situation brings a pretty interesting debate to the table, and a pretty important one for the development of the game too.

And that’s what makes this case different from your usual chapter three double murder. The murders didn’t feel pointless. In the original Danganronpa series, it felt to me like some of the murders were just… there. Especially the third cases. They didn’t help develop anyone’s character, they didn’t help advance the overall plot, they just happened. For example, the third case of Trigger Happy Havoc. Celestia goes from being the “Queen of Liars”, a calm and collected woman that maintained her cool even when faced with the deaths of her classmates… to a horrible liar that was caught in, like, 5 seconds. Not to mention, her motive was money. Sure, I can perhaps sympathize with the fact that she wanted to make her dream come true with that money… but as the Ultimate Gambler, she could’ve won that money after getting out of the killing game. It isn’t a particularly strong motive, and it doesn’t make Celestia’s character better or more interesting. The reveal that Celestia was actually Taeko Yasuhiro is probably the most interesting part of this chapter, but we probably didn’t need two murders to happen to make that reveal, did we? Plus, she dies like, half an hour later, so it’s not like that reveal served for much. The deaths of Hifumi, Taka and Celestia don’t particularly develop anyone’s character, and they don’t push forward the overall plot either. They get rid of characters they didn’t want surviving, and that’s about it.

But DRA chapter three didn’t feel like that. And I think the main reason for this is, surprisingly enough, Kinjo.

The third trial is the start of Kinjo’s downfall. Like I’ve already stated before, Kinjo and Uehara are opposites when it comes to morality, so I believe it could only be him who pointed out Kinjo’s issues. And he does it in the only way Kinjo would listen to him: Using Kinjo’s arguments to support his own actions (and the murder he committed).

When Kinjo is going on and on about Uehara being a serial killer (which isn’t factually correct by the way, but sure, Mr. Cop), Uehara tells him that it’s strange Kinjo is showing such strong opposition to him and his actions when they were both using the same logic. Of course, Kinjo is a bit taken back by this, and asks Uehara to explain…

Uehara then responds with this:

He quotes Kinjo. He’s not only using the cop’s logic against him, no, he’s using the same phrase Kinjo used to defend himself and his actions to defend his crime.

After this, Uehara elaborates further: He explains that he sacrificed the lives of the fifteen students for the lives of 100 children. He just chose to save the most people, even if a few lives were lost in the way… Doesn’t that remind us of someone?

Kinjo deliberately chose to put a few people in danger for a chance at saving a higher number of them. He didn’t directly kill anyone, sure, but he wouldn’t have cared if they were killed. Kinjo protected everyone else and left the ones that didn’t agree with him to die, because he thought that was the way in which the most people would survive.

Uehara knows he wasn’t in the right. He knows murder is still an awful act, no matter what the reason was, and that he’ll have to pay for it in the afterlife. But Kinjo doesn’t. Kinjo thinks picking and choosing who survives and who doesn’t is the right thing to do. That’s what Uehara wants him to realize: That the reasoning that drove him to kill is the reasoning Kinjo was using as a leader, and that it would only drive Kinjo down the same path Uehara was dying in: a path of blood-stained hands, a path of guilt, and a path of death.

No one can play God. Not even the Ultimate Priest.

And Kinjo actually reconsiders his stance after the trial (and after everyone turns against him). Even if it was a dead end, because Kinjo ended up just standing stronger on what he believed in until the fourth trial, it makes him wonder about his actions, and it foreshadows what happens in chapter four. It lets us see that Kinjo doesn’t stand as strong and he seems, and that his views are bound to fall apart sooner or later.

Uehara and his murder case develop Kinjo’s character. He’s quiet after Uehara asks him to reconsider his stance so far (which is a lot, considering how much he bitched every time a murderer was found guilty), and he even asks Yuki if he’s wrong the next day. The trial, and especially the conversation with Yuki that it triggers later, helps us see Kinjo as a man who’s been put under too much pressure for too much time. A man that has been trying to protect everyone around him his whole life, but that had a completely wrong approach to it. Instead of the crazy bitch we see him as the whole time, we get closer to the actual person Kinjo is, not the leader he makes himself to be.

Of course, one could argue that having him just break down in chapter four would’ve led to the same series of events (aka him trying to kill himself, and therefore remembering everything and triggering the plot for the rest of the game), but… it wouldn’t have felt the same. If Kinjo had fainted in the fourth trial, then killed himself the next day, it would’ve just left us with a sense of helplessness. It would’ve felt like something that was bound to happen, because no one could’ve helped Kinjo… and that’s what case three brings to the table. Kinjo could’ve been helped. Uehara helps him question his actions, and if only Yuki had pushed Kinjo in the right direction when he opened up to him, perhaps we could’ve seen a much different Kinjo for the rest of the game. But that doesn’t happen. Case three makes us see Kinjo waver and falter, and it foreshadows what happens later on: it lets us know that Kinjo’s confidence wouldn’t last forever, and that he was going to break sooner or later. And it also adds to Yuki’s sense of despair when he sees Kinjo shoot himself in front of everyone: he knows it didn’t have to happen like that. He knows he could’ve helped, he knows he had the chance to, but he wasn’t capable to step up when Kinjo needed him. It makes the scene feel a lot different, and I really like what chapter three adds to the further development of the game.

But when has this turned to be about Kinjo, huh?! This post is about Uehara, so let me get back to him now. Remember the note I left after talking about chapter two? That there could be another interpretation to what he tells everyone when he leaves the group protected by Kinjo, but that we needed to know what happened in chapter three to talk about it? Yeah, let’s talk about it now.

“I always act in the way I believe is right”. We can still interpret this as him refusing to work under Kinjo’s leadership, since it would be a direct betrayal to his core values as a priest. But knowing now that he’s the traitor, it makes me think that perhaps it wasn’t so much about him not wanting to work with Kinjo as a leader, but rather about him wanting to distance himself from his classmates. I think that “doing what the believes is right” could mean causing the least harm he could to his classmates, and distancing himself from them was the only way he had to do that. Knowing he was the traitor would hurt much less if he didn’t get along with anyone in the first place, right?

We get to know the person Uehara is before the death game, even if briefly, from the flashbacks Yuki has in chapter six. We know he tried to think of the well-being of his classmates. We know he was the one that lead Inori and Yamaguchi to the warehouse while the Monokumas attacked the Kisaragi Laboratory in an attempt to protect them, and we know that even if he had a hard time adapting to a class environment when he first entered Hope’s Peak, he formed a bond with Yamaguchi because “he is a more warm-hearted man than any of them”. When one of the Monokumas enters the warehouse, and Yamaguchi holds him so that Inori and Uehara can escape, Uehara tells him that he’ll come back for him. And even in the killing game, we get to know him as a gentle-natured person, and we see just how deeply he cared about the kids he took care of at the cathedral (to the point of becoming completely numb when he finds out they’re dead). Even when he tried to kill, his original plan was to make the least harm possible… but that went horribly wrong, so not like it counts too much (again, I’m not trying to excuse his actions or take any responsibility from him, that murder was fucking awful). He was going to betray everyone sooner or later, sure, but I can imagine him trying to do it in the least harmful way he could. He was forced into a position where he had to do that to cause minimal damage, after all.

Uehara goes from being a quiet person that doesn’t seem like he’ll do much for the plot, to one of the most interesting (and important, in my opinion) characters in the narrative. DRA excels at creating characters with many layers, characters that feel human. There are few characters that can be considered a hundred percent good or bad, because… that’s not how humans work. It plays with the roles you expect the characters to have, it plays with your expectations, and it still allows room for a lot of interpretations of its characters and events (which is something I love in all pieces of media). And isn’t this the beauty of it? The humanity of media? Being able to see and reflect completely different ideas from the same content? In the end, all this doesn’t matter. I could write a whole book of interpretations and theories for the game, and it wouldn’t matter. What matters is that there is room for different interpretations, and that they all together build an independent and unrepeatable experience for the player. So, if there’s something you have to take from all this… enjoy your games. Write about them. Analyze them. Draw fanarts. Make AU’s. Cosplay. I don’t care how good or bad you’re at it, enjoy your favorite pieces of media to their fullest. Allow them to make you think. That’s the only thing that matters, after all. And that’s why I’m writing all this.

Oh, and also, love Kinji Uehara. That’s, like, super super important too. God bless you all, and see you next time.

[forjongseong]

al caer la noche // jay (ENHYPEN)

pairing: secretary!jay x CEO!fem!reader (Part 9 of the series)

genre: office!au, fluff, smut (minors dni) // warning: older reader; Jay calls reader “Boss”; profanity; making out; unprotected sex; creampie; mentions of somnophilia; another 'ex' appears; handjob; 69 (you read that right) // wc: ~10.1k

previous chapters:

part 1 - carmesí part 2 - mi reina part 3 - millones part 3.5 - hasta los dientes part 4 - vente conmigo part 5 - tusa part 5.5 - apaga y vámonos part 6 - versos de placer minisode part 1 - cuando nadie ve part 6.5 - yo te quiero más minisode part 2 -la niña de mis ojos part 7 - aeropuerto minisode part 3 - falling autumn minisode part 4 - night night part 8 - ambulancia minisode part 5 - subtítulos

next chapters:

click here for the masterlist

summary: as the days goes by, your relationship with Jay becomes even more domestic, and it's only about time until you both make it official.

author’s notes: welcome to PART NINE! we've come so far, haven't we?

after feeling off for about a week, I finally managed to finish this. I said I wanted it out before December, but it's only December 3rd now so I guess I am not that far behind.

Recently one of my closest moots, @end-hyphen, just had her birthday! So I am dedicating this part to her since she is the official ambassador of this series HAHA

as for the title of this part, it means "by nightfall" and it is taken from one of maye's song, which also happens to be my favorite.

I hope you'll enjoy reading this part too!

taglist: @jaylaxies @thots4hee @nyanggk @end-hyphen @jayked @yoursjaeyun @maggstar

(send an ask if you want to be added)

You stirred in bed and changed your position to face the right side of it. When you felt that the bed was empty, you slowly opened your eyes and let yourself adjust to the brightness of the room. Judging from the sunrays, it was probably close to 9 in the morning. It usually takes you a while to gather your consciousness whenever you wake up, and for a second you thought you were still dreaming when you heard the faint sound of music from outside.

Recognizing that the tune playing was Frankie Valli’s Can’t Take My Eyes Off You, you walked out the bedroom door slowly and found Jay mopping the floor, using the mop handle like a microphone stand.

“Pardon the way that I stare, there’s nothing else to compare.”

You leaned on the doorway and crossed your arms in front of your chest, amused at the sight.

“The sight of you leaves me weak, there are no words left to speak.”

You chuckled when you saw Jay clutching his chest like he was in immense pain, still unaware that you were watching him.

“But if you feel like I feel, please let me know that it’s real…”

Jay started mopping again as he continued to sing, beginning to reach places on the floor that he had missed before. You were sure he was going to catch you looking in a moment.

“You’re just too good to be true,” Jay sang and his eyes finally land on you. “Can’t take my eyes off you.”

You were actually amazed that he was not surprised to find you awake, since he really was the jumpy type, but when he ditched the mop to pull you into him all you could do was laugh. He spun you around to the music and continued to sing, this time right to your face.

“I love you, baby, and if it’s quite alright, I need you, baby.”

The way he moved you around with ease and sang to you with theatrical expressions made you unable to shake off the huge grin on your face. He led you through your moves with utmost grace and only stopped when the song reached the end of the chorus.

“Let me love you,” he sang, dipping you and kissing your collarbones. “Good morning, my queen.”

When he pulled you back up, you smashed your lips into his to thank him for the lovely serenade. He even stepped back from how sudden you jumped into him, but then he placed his arms around your waist firmly as he let you kiss him with passion.

“I feel like I should be rewarding you for cleaning up,” you breathed into his mouth as your hands clenched his t-shirt.

“That’s bullshit. I live here too so it’s only my responsibility,” Jay responded, rubbing your back gently. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I really need to finish mopping.”

You giggled when he attacked your cheeks with kisses, and when he let go of you, you headed straight to the kitchen. Last night, you entertained Jake, Heeseung, and Sunghoon to a lovely dinner, since game night was now officially held at your place. Whenever they came over, Jay was always in charge of cooking, while you were always responsible for cleaning. However, the boys stayed longer than usual last night, and because you were having so much fun with them, you decided to push back cleaning to the next morning.

Staring at the spotless counters and empty sink, you blinked before checking the drawers and cabinets for the clean utensils. You looked back at Jay, who coincidentally was also looking at you, and he smiled and gave you a wink.

“Jay,” you whined, closing the drawers and crossing your arms again. “I already said I would clean this morning.”

“And I’m happy to take care of it,” Jay answered, not looking back at you. He was done mopping and was now about to put back all the stuff to their right places. “Don’t worry about it.”

The gears in your head began turning, figuring out the best way to show Jay your gratitude, and the ideas that popped up in your head ranged from buying him a gift to, well, giving him head. You then concluded you would do everything, but not all at once.

---

The sun was setting and the lighting made your office turn into an orange hue. You checked the time on your phone, wondering why it was taking so long for Jay to return to the office. There were no missed calls or text messages either, so you decided to just call him, thinking that he’d get back to you in an instant if he was unable to pick it up.

“Hey,” Jay’s voice echoed throughout the room as you put him on loudspeaker. “I really was about to call you.”

“Is the meeting over?” You asked, eyes scanning your monitor. You then heard a little bit of rustling and faint sounds of people. “Where are you?”

“I just arrived at the supermarket. It’s on my way back and I figured there were a couple of things that need restocking.”

He’s really a malewife at this point, you thought.

“Okay, so does that mean you’re not coming back?” You typed for a while before clicking save on a document. “I’ll see you at home?”

“Yeah.” You could hear Jay fumbling with the phone. “Hey, can you turn on the camera real quick?”

You picked up your phone and did as he said. You were then greeted with the aisle filled with sanitary products. Frowning, you waited for Jay to give you context.

“I checked last night and I think you’re running out of pads, but I forgot which one you use,” Jay explained, stepping closer to the shelf of pads. “Is it this one?” He asked, pointing to a pink packaging.

You were so touched that all you could do was smile and cover your mouth.

“Baby? I think someone is looking at me weird,” Jay said, voice sounding worried. “Nothing to see here, Ma’am, I’m just picking up stuff for my girlfriend.”

You realized Jay was explaining himself to a lady passing by, and you just laughed silently. “It’s the one to your right, babe.”

“Oh, right,” Jay responded. “You use the one with wings, huh. Why are they so fucking expensive?”

“Because being a woman is fucking expensive, love,” you chuckled as you replied to him. “Now get out of there before someone thinks you’re a pervert.”

“See you soon, Boss,” Jay ended the call with a smooching sound to the phone.

You decided to call it a day and started tidying up your things. You placed your empty glass on the minibar since the janitor would always start cleaning from there, and as you gathered all your belongings into your bag, you heard two knocks on the door.

“Yes, Hwiyoung.”

Hwiyoung peeked into your office while holding up his phone. “Park told me to get your car ready. Are you done for the day?”

The way you did not even tell Jay that you were done with work, and that he just assumed, but did it correctly, made you feel butterflies. It was not the first time he did it either.

“Yes, I am,” you smiled at your second assistant as you held up your bag. “You can tell the others to get off work too if they’re all done for the day. I don’t want anyone staying late.”

“Alright, Miss. Does that mean I can make plans?” Hwiyoung asked you while he texted the group chat.

“Of course you can.” You walked to the door and waited until Hwiyoung was done texting. “Plans with a girlfriend?”

“Huh?” Hwiyoung blinked at you, obviously caught off-guard by your question.

You laughed at his reaction and gave him a pat on his shoulder. “You’re a good man, Hwi. If you’re dating someone, let me know. I need to make sure she’s not taking advantage of my assistant.”

Hwiyoung blushed at your comment and excused himself to go back to his desk. You said goodbye to him as you walked out of the office, smiling because you had never seen Hwiyoung so flustered before.

---

It was still early into the night, but you were already in your bed scrolling through your phone with the lights off. Jay told you he was going to hit the gym for a couple hours before heading home, so you had dinner without him and went on to shower and do your skincare routine. After a good twenty minutes of just laughing at TikTok videos, you began to feel sleepy, so you texted Jay that you were going to bed. His reply came to you late, as he only checked his phone once he was done, and by the time he arrived home, you were fast asleep.

The sound of him walking back and forth and even showering in the bathroom did not wake you up at all, and sometimes Jay was amazed at how you were actually a heavy sleeper. After washing up, Jay carefully climbed onto your shared bed and wrapped his arms around you, spooning you from behind. The coldness of his skin actually made you wake up, and you flinched a little when his skin made contact on yours.

“Sorry, baby,” Jay spoke softly into your ear before he leaned in to kiss your bare shoulder. “Did I wake you up?”

“You feel cold,” you commented, voice croaky from the sleep. You then turned around to face him. “Did you take a cold shower?”

Jay nodded. “Sorry for not spending the night with you.”

“It’s okay,” you yawned, hiding your face in Jay’s neck as he chuckled and stroked your back. “Are you not cold?”

“I’m not because I have you.” Jay rubbed your sides and kissed your forehead. “You’re always so warm.”

You hummed as you brought one hand up to caress Jay’s face. “I got the right temperature to shelter you from the cold.”

Jay chuckled at your statement and began kissing your face. You let him, not bothering to reciprocate because you knew that he knew you were too tired and only half awake. He kissed along your jawline, your neck, and stopped to suck your skin there once he heard you moan. Your grip on his shirt tightened as he moved down to your collarbone. He then grazed his lips over the top of your chest, tugging down the dainty camisole you had on to expose one of your breasts. When he latched on to your nipple, your fingers got lost in his hair, and you whined as he began sucking.

“Jay,” you whispered, “I don’t think I have the energy to do anything.”

He merely groaned at you as a response, too focused on giving your breasts the same amount of pleasure. You felt his teeth graze your skin and you hissed, pulling his hair back so he would look up at you.

“If you want to fuck, you’re gonna have to do all the work,” you said, your eyelids heavy as you struggled to speak. You could already feel your arousal dripping, so you figured he might as well proceed.

Jay moved back up to level with your face, and he touched your chin with his fingers as he kissed your lips. You sighed into him, and you were already feeling cold from the loss of contact from his hands on your body.

“Turn around,” he whispered.

You did as he said, and he quickly pulled you into his embrace again, with one arm under you and his hand cupping your breast, while his other hand pulled down your panties to your knees. You whimpered when you felt his cold fingers palming your core, and when he drew a stripe along your folds, you shivered.

“God, baby,” Jay grunted as he pulled down his boxers. “So wet.”

You placed your hand above his, guiding him to squeeze your breasts while he rubbed his shaft along your folds. He coated himself with your wetness until he felt it was time to align himself with you. You felt his tip grazing your entrance and you arched your back, pushing your ass towards his hip. He held you firmly by your waist as he entered you, bottoming out in one go, and all you could let out was a shaky breath.

“Fuck,” Jay said as he began thrusting in and out of you. “You’re so fucking warm. So fucking tight.”

You moaned in pleasure at the friction he was causing, and you guided his hand to make him rub your clit.

“Do you want me to go slow, baby?” He asked, leaning in to kiss your cheek.

You tilted your head so you could reach his lips and kissed him. “Any way you want,” you answered with a whisper.

Jay began gradually increasing his speed, sliding his dick in and out of you with ease from how much you were dripping for him. His thumb pressing on your clit made you feel like you were reaching your high even sooner, so you did not bother concealing the almost pornographic moans that you let out for him.

“Not too loud, my queen.” Jay kissed your neck and gently sucked on your skin. “I don’t want anyone else hearing your beautiful moans.”

Your hand traveled backwards, cupping his ass and pushing him closer to you, desperate to feel more of him. He chuckled and continued to rock his hips into you, and when he felt your grasp around his wrist tightening, he knew that you were close.

“Cum with me?” He asked, almost like a proposal. You nodded, and with a couple more strokes you arched your back as he released his cum inside of you, with you reaching your high just seconds after. Your walls clenched and milked him dry, and you began to feel the sting on your shoulder from how hard he was biting you there.

Jay’s arms wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to him as he did not show any signs of wanting to pull out of you soon. You stroked his arm lovingly, even bringing up one of his hand up to your lips so you can kiss it.

He chuckled, kissing the back of your head as a response. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, my prince,” you sighed. There was a brief moment of silence before you spoke again. “If you feel like you need me and I’m asleep, you can fuck me if you want. I mean I don’t have to be awake for it, right?”

You could feel Jay freeze when you uttered the last question. “Baby?” You called, tapping on his arm.

“You mean like… somnophilia?” Jay asked. When you nodded, Jay carefully slipped out of you and made you face his way. He pulled his boxers back up and you also put your panties back on during the process. “You can’t be serious.”

“You have my consent,” you stared into his eyes and intertwined your fingers with his. “I don’t mind.”

“Does that mean you would do the same thing to me too?” He asked, genuinely curious. The shift in the subject made you giggle.

“Do you want me to?” You asked back. “Like, if it gets too hard to wake you up, do you want me to try sucking you off while you’re still asleep?”

Jay closed his eyes and bit his lips, almost as if he was imagining it happening. “Please don’t judge me, but that actually sounds hot.”

You chuckled weakly, and it made Jay laugh with you too. He placed his hand behind your neck and pulled you into a kiss.

“Then you have my consent too,” he murmured into your lips. You mouthed a ‘good’, and the next thing you remember was the two of you drifting off to sleep.

---

It was the last week of November, and it had been a routine for you to visit Jay’s parents every last week of the month. Before you and Jay drive to his parents’ house on Saturday mornings, you would always grocery shop with him on Friday evenings. For this very reason, you cut your working day short and sent your employees home early as well.

The moment you entered the supermarket, though, you suddenly felt lethargic. You tailed Jay as he grabbed a cart and started walking towards the poultry section, and before he could grab anything, you tugged his sleeves.

“I’m actually really sleepy right now, I think I need coffee,” you said, voice already sounding weak. “Can I just wait at Starbucks?”

“Of course.” Jay let go of the cart to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “Are you okay?”

You nodded for reassurance and gave him a smile. He then kissed your forehead before you turned around and walked towards the Starbucks that was strategically located next door. You checked the app on your phone and noticed they had a new menu, and you had a buy one get one free coupon. You decided to try out both the new drinks, figuring that Jay would want one once he was done shopping.

There was a line before you and when you sat down to wait for your order, it took a while for the barista to make your drinks. Once they called out your name, you quickly went to grab your drinks and waddled back to your table, setting the two cups in front of you. One was a gingerbread latte and the other was a red velvet oatmilk latte. You stared at them both, not realizing that Jay was already steps away from you.

“Well that was quick,” you commented, gesturing for Jay to take the seat in front of you.

“I already had a list,” Jay said, showing his phone and the shopping list that all had checkmarks on them. “What did you get?”

“New drinks. I wanted to try both but I don’t know which one I actually want,” you eyed the drinks and Jay smiled at you, noticing how you were already able to get rid of the fatigue even though you had not consumed any caffeine yet. “I’m gonna sip both.”

Jay watched calmly as you unwrapped a straw and punched it through the lid of the gingerbread latte. You gave it a swirl before sipping it curiously, and you stared into a distance. Jay was observing your face, waiting for a reaction. When your nose scrunched up, not in pleasure but in confusion, he chuckled softly.

“That’s weird,” you muttered bluntly, not exactly speaking to anyone. “Let me try this one.”

You used the same straw to sip on the red velvet drink, and your face lit up the moment you tasted it. Jay was now touching the gingerbread cup and looking at how pretty the color of the drink was, complete with the whipped cream and red sprinkles on top.

“This one is better,” you said, taking your straw out of the red velvet drink. You then pushed the cup towards Jay and handed him a new straw before putting your own back into the gingerbread latte and vigorously stirring the whipped cream into it.

Jay frowned. “I thought you said it’s better, why are you giving it to me?”

“Because you should give people the stuff that you like,” you answered, remembering that it was a lesson your parents taught you when you were young. “I’ll finish the gingerbread latte.”

“It’s okay, baby, I’ll drink that one.”

“Let me suffer the consequences of my own choice.” You raised a hand to stop Jay from taking your drink away from you. Jay snorted at your comment.

“Okay,” he said, wiping off the smirk on his face as he could not believe how adorable you were acting. “Can I at least try both too?”

You nodded and waited for Jay to sip the red velvet, and then you reluctantly handed over your gingerbread latte to him. He gave the exact same reaction that you made when you took the first sip and you giggled seeing his face.

“That is strong,” Jay commented after clearing his throat. “Alright, thanks for the drink, babe.”

You just smiled and continued to sip your gingerbread latte, chugging it down like there was no tomorrow since you did not want it to go to waste.

---

You and Jay arrived at his parent’s house early in the evening, when it was hours after lunch and was supposedly the best time for a coffee break. As soon as Jay pulled up in the driveway, you let yourself out and started bringing all the belongings towards the house. Jay’s mother opened the door just as you reached the porch and shrieked in surprise, seeing your face covered with the pile of groceries in your hands.

“Oh, dear Y/N, come here,” she said in a rush, taking half of your load off of you. You then grinned and leaned in as she kissed your cheek to greet you. “Thank God you arrived while the sun is still up.”

“Why? What’s the problem?” You asked as you ditched your shoes for the indoor slippers. You followed Jay’s mother to the kitchen once you checked that Jay has got the rest of the stuff from the car.

“Jay’s father, and yours too, soon, needs to go shopping for this Christmas party we’re attending. His suit doesn’t fit him anymore and I need his accessories to match mine.”

You nodded and finally realized where Jay has gotten his fashion sense from. “What’s the plan?”

“We can prepare dinner while the men go out shopping. Fun, right?”

You caught a paprika that almost rolled off the counter and smiled. “I’d love that, Mrs. Park.”

“Oh,” she waved off her hand at you once she was done setting the groceries on the island. “Enough with the formalities. What do you call your mother?”

“Mom?” You answered but asked at the same time.

“Alright, then just call me eomma so you don’t get confused,” Jay’s mother smiled warmly at you and put her hands on her hips. “So what should we start with?”

You were still in the middle of processing the shift in the way you were supposed to address Jay’s parents when Jay walked into the kitchen with his jacket already off and hanging on his arm, twirling the car keys on his finger.

“Appa just said you wanted me to take him shopping?” Jay asked his mother, kissing her on the cheek.

Jay’s mother merely nodded before looking back at you. “And you can call his dad appa too, okay?”

You smiled sheepishly as you nodded, and then you noticed Jay looking at you and then his mom. Jay’s father then appeared, looking all neat and stylish, brushing his hair back with a comb.

“Ready to go, son?”

“Are you going to make her cook? Eomma, she has zero experience.”

You scoffed at Jay’s remark while his mother roared with laughter. You then dragged Jay by his arm and made him walk towards his father to shoo him away, not forgetting to reach out to Jay’s father for a side hug.

“Kart later when you get back, Appa!” You said as you cheerfully waved at him and Jay walking away.

“Oh, it feels nice to be called appa by a daughter,” he said, placing a hand over his chest sentimentally. Jay rolled his eyes and just dragged his father to the front door.

You returned to the kitchen and washed your hand, noticing that Jay’s mother was already unwrapping some of the produce and laying all of them out on the island. You took the apron that she had prepared for you, and as you put it on you decided to stand strategically next to her.

“So, did he ask you yet?”

For some reason you knew what she meant even without her providing any more context. You cleared your throat before answering.

“Technically, yes, but he was kinda out of it,” you observed how Jay’s mother was chopping the paprika, and once you got it she handed over the task to you.

“What does that mean?” She asked, moving on to prepare other ingredients.

“He was drunk when he asked me.”

“Oh, that punk.”

You let out an unladylike cackle as a response towards Jay’s mother’s unfiltered feelings. You continued to cook with her, following every instruction and trying your best to keep up with the pace. In between activities, you also ended up sharing your biggest insecurities as well as your worries, and by the time cooking was done you were almost a crying mess.

“I just don’t want to let anybody down, Eomma,” you said as you choked back a tear.

“Sweetheart.” Jay’s mother turned to face you, wiping her hands on her apron before she put her hand under your chin to tilt your face up. “You’re not letting anybody down as long as you love him. And believe me, he adores you.”

You pouted and let a tear run down your face. Jay’s mother clicked her tongue and quickly wiped your tears away.

“Whatever your decision is,” she continued, “I’m sure he would respect it. And if he doesn’t, you tell me. So I can beat his ass.”

Her comment made you chuckle softly as another tear fell down your face, and because you were overwhelmed you opted to rest yourself in her embrace, hunching over since Jay’s mother was a little shorter than you. She rubbed your back in an effort to comfort you, and you squeaked a little ‘thank you’ in the middle of your sobs.

---

The drive back home was somewhat calm and comforting. Jay made you put on a playlist that he had specifically made for a night drive, which contained songs that were uplifting enough that it would keep the driver awake, but at the same time chill enough to keep the passengers content. You tapped your fingers on your thigh to the beat of the current song playing, and as the car stopped at a red light, Jay intertwined his fingers with yours and pulled your hand to kiss your knuckles.

You did notice that Jay loved showing you how much he cares for you through physical touch. You didn’t mind, and you did let him know that the way you showed him love was different. So on moments like this, where he would initiate contact, you would always smile to yourself, or to him, to acknowledge his form of expression.

This time was slightly different, though. You shifted in your seat and turned to face him, reaching out for a hug. He embraced you without question, also while keeping an eye on the red light.

“All good, babe?” He asked right in your ear as he stroked your hair gently.

You nodded before tilting your head to kiss him on the cheek. “I talked a lot with your mother today.”

The light turned yellow and Jay pulled back, rubbing your arm lovingly before putting his hands back on the steering wheel. “Is it something I should be concerned about?”

“No,” you answered softly. “But I’m loving the monthly meetups we have with them. Promise we’ll never skip it?”

Jay smiled at your words, keeping his eyes on the road. “Promise.”

When you arrived back home, Jay excused himself to go shower first while you checked your kitchen cabinets to decide on a hot beverage for the night. Your TV was already showing Netflix, and it had become almost a tradition for you and Jay to watch one movie before you go to sleep on Saturday nights, that was if you were not staying at his parents’ house, of course.

You decided on chamomile tea, and by the time you brought the two mugs to the coffee table, Jay walked out to the living room with a towel around his neck and a bottle of micellar water and a pack of cotton pads in his hands. You looked up at him in question, as you were seated on the floor, and he calmly put the stuff right next to you on the table before making himself comfortable on the sofa.

“So you can take your makeup off here instead of the bedroom,” he said, not waiting for you to actually question him.

Your heart did a flip at the simple gesture, so you got up on your knees and shuffled towards him, pouting your lips so he could kiss them. He did, and as you turned back around he slapped your ass playfully.

“I’ve noticed that you’ve been slapping my ass quite often,” you commented, taking a cotton pad and drenching it with micellar water. “Do you like it that much?”

“Can’t really blame me. You’ve got a cute ass,” Jay shrugged, reaching for the remote.

You snorted as you started removing your makeup. “You can do it more.”

“Really?” Jay froze with the remote in his hands. “You mean like in bed too?”

You found it amusing that he became so intrigued at the idea of spanking you. You chuckled to yourself and quickly finished cleaning your face so you could join Jay on the sofa. You snuggled into him and as you predicted, he put an arm around you before resting his palm on your ass.

“Depending on the mood,” you said, looking up to him and placing your hand on his cheek. “You can spank me.”

“Yes,” Jay cheered, emphasizing the S as he leaned in to kiss you, squeezing your ass and making you chuckle into his mouth. After a short game of tug-of-war with your tongues, you rest your head on Jay’s lap and lied sideways facing the TV, telling him to start the movie that you already picked.

---

“Where is it again?”

You looked at Jay through your vanity mirror as you were clearing the table and rearranging your skincare products. He was putting on a shirt and as he popped his head out from the collar he turned to look at you while brushing his hair back.

“At this café at a mall. I forgot but I’ll text you the address later.” Jay grabbed the jacket that he hung behind the door and spritzed his perfume on it.

“How long do you think you’re going to be there?” You asked again, this time not looking at him as you were focused on putting your perfume collection in order of most used to least used.

Jay looked up at the ceiling to think for a split second before replying. “I’m not sure, babe. Maybe two hours tops? I’m pretty sure I’ll just be talking to my inner circle.”

“Did Heeseung go to the same high school as you?” You turned your Diptyque bottle to make it face the front, and then you turned around to face Jay, bringing your legs up to the ottoman you were sitting on.

Jay shook his head. “I met him in college,” Jay said as he put on his jacket and walked towards you. You looked up at him and he leaned in to give you a peck on your cheek. “I’ll keep you updated. Don’t mute your phone.”

He knew that your phone was almost always on mute, and it made you miss a couple of texts from him before. You chuckled and just nodded at him. “Have fun at the reunion,” you said, pulling him in for a hug and resting your cheek on his stomach.

Jay smiled and stroked your hair for a while before pulling away, not forgetting to blow you a kiss once he left the bedroom. You sighed and decided to walk over to your desk outside to do some work in advance before Monday comes.

You played your most upbeat playlist and ended up lip syncing and just swaying to all the songs most of the time, only managing to do a tiny bit of work. The whole time you were also texting Isa and Yoon in your group chat since they happened to be online at the same time. You then realized you had an unread text from Jay, and it was the location of his high school reunion.

It had been almost three hours since he left, and when you glanced outside the window you noticed that the sun was almost setting. You were sure their activity was just late lunch, but you did not know how many people came or how long they were actually going to hang out. You let Jay know that you were going to go see him there, claiming that you had to get something at the mall too.

Just as you arrived at the mall, dropped off by Heeseung, your phone vibrated and you saw that Jay texted you that the party had moved to a different café but still at the same mall. You paused in your tracks and quickly searched for the café location on your phone. At the same time, Jay spotted you from a distance, and he sent you another text as he smiled, keeping his eyes on you.

“Is that her?”

Jay looked at the girl who sat beside him, Lucy, who was eyeing him and his phone the whole time. He shifted in his seat before he nodded, and he caught the glint of disapproval in her eyes.

“Guys,” she said, flipping her hair back to look at the rest of the group. “Jay’s auntie is here to pick him up.”

Some of the people laughed, while Jay’s inner circle looked at him warily from across the table. Jay scoffed and shook his head, knowing that Lucy was just saying that as a joke, but he decided that it would be better for him to go see you, instead of inviting you to the lion’s den.

“I’ll be right back,” Jay said, mainly to his three friends in front of him, before he stood up and walked out of the café.

You still had your nose buried in your phone when you heard Jay call your name. He came running to you and immediately pulling you into a hug, and you were just confused because he was acting like he hadn’t seen you for days.

“Dammit, I swore I was about to locate the café,” you murmured into his shoulders before melting into his embrace and hugging him back. “What is going on?”

“Nothing,” Jay reassured you, rubbing your back before pulling away from the hug. “Give me two minutes and I’ll be with you.”

“I thought you’re still catching up with your friends? It’s fine, I can walk around,” you peered over his shoulder and saw that a couple of people from inside the café were looking at your direction.

Jay moved to shield you from their stares and gave you a warm smile. “I’ve talked with them enough. I’d rather keep you company now. Two minutes, okay? Don’t go anywhere.”

You nodded and watched as Jay basically sprinted back into the café. You decided to turn your back on them and just mindlessly scroll on your phone, waiting for him to come back. It didn’t even take him two minutes to find his place beside you, putting an arm around your waist and kissing the top of your head. You were genuinely curious about the sudden display of affection, but you decided to just ask about it at home.

---

You changed out of your outfit into a comfy lacy bra and pajama shorts, and you used a dainty kimono as a cover up since it was a little chilly. Jay was seated on the sofa with his white shirt and grey joggers, replying to a couple of messages on his phone.

“Anything interesting happened at the reunion?” You asked as you grabbed a bottle of vitamin water from the fridge.

“No, it was just a bunch of reminiscing old memories. Like talking about our teachers and stuff,” Jay replied. He continued to scroll on his phone and did not budge when you sat beside him.

“I would love to say hi to your friends, you know,” you placed your drink on the coffee table before leaning back on the sofa. “Why do I feel like you didn’t want me there?”

You noticed that Jay stopped scrolling and his thumb just hovered over the screen. You fixed your position and pulled both your legs up the sofa, and you made yourself face Jay, leaning your head sideways on the headrest.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” You asked again, this time with a voice so soft that you almost squeaked.

Jay instantly felt regret and put his phone away on the table. He shifted in his seat before facing you, taking one of your hands and just playing with your fingers as he spoke.

“I know I never ask about your exes, and that you only told me about them when it was relevant. I don’t know if you even want to know about my past, but I feel like I should be telling you anyway.”

You frowned as you stared at Jay, who was completely focusing his gaze on your hands and how his fingers were intertwined with them.

“Aside from catching up with my close friends, I feel like going to that reunion was a mistake. The rest of the kids are jerks anyways.”

You cleared your throat and straightened your position. “It sounds like you’re saying everything but nothing at the same time.”

Jay took a deep breath as he let go of your hands and buried his face in his palms. He then leaned back on the sofa and decided to stare at the ceiling as he continued to speak.

“I mentioned you to my friends, and everyone else were busy with their own conversations, so I really didn’t notice that Lucy was actually listening.”

You calmly listened, resting your head again on the sofa.

“Technically, she’s not my ex, but we were… something.”

And just like that, the image from hours ago became clear. Your mind rewound to when Jay shielded you from their view, and you did catch a glimpse of a girl who was looking at the both of you with the most bitter expression on her face.

“Like friends with benefits?” You decided to just shoot your question.

“No!” Jay almost jerked up in his seat. “No, nothing like that. It was just like a situationship, if that’s what people call it these days.”

You stretched your arm on the headrest, fingers almost grazing Jay’s ear. He tilted his head to look at you, and you tilted your chin to ask him to continue.

“She just made comments that I did not want anyone to hear. Especially not you.”

You scoffed and gently flicked Jay’s ear. He flinched in response. “You think I can’t handle a hate comment?”

Jay looked into your eyes and saw that you were practically angry at this point, and that if he refused to tell you everything, he knew the conversation would end badly.

“Well?” You asked, challenging him.

“She mentioned your age and sort of mocked you, that’s all. That’s why I wanted to leave right away.”

At this comment, you let out a snicker before you moved to stand up. Jay’s eyes followed your movements, and in an instant he already looked worried.

“Baby?” Jay sat up, watching as you made your way to the kitchen.

“I mean if she’s speaking the truth, can you really blame her?” You retorted. You started checking the drawers for nothing, just intentionally making noise. You didn’t know if it was the comment regarding your age, or that Jay had someone special you didn’t even know about that made you irritated. What you did know is that you wanted to be as far away as possible from him.

“Look,” Jay spoke as he walked towards you. “You wanted to know, so I…”

“How long was your relationship with her?”

“That’s irrelevant.”

“I want to know,” you said, leaning on the counter and putting your hands together, expecting an answer.

“Just over a year, I think,” Jay replied as he decided to sit on the stool across you.

“And it didn’t work out because?” You continued to press on him and disregarded the way your brain was telling you to stop the questioning right then and there before it turned into a bigger argument.

“We wanted different things,” Jay answered. “Y/N,” he called on you before you could ask another question. “If this is bothering you I’d rather not continue.”

“Okay,” you smiled, walking past him and heading right into your bedroom.

From your tone, Jay knew that your okay did not mean okay at all. He sighed and brushed his hair back before following you, and when he entered the bedroom you were already lounging on the bed, with a book that you were half-done reading in your hands.

“It’s killing me that you’re acting this way, and I know you don’t like it when I ask questions, but I really need to know,” Jay said, frustrated. He was leaning on the door with a hand in his pocket. “What’s bothering you? Do you want me to tell you everything about high school? Everything I did with her?”

His last question was definitely a mistake, and he knew it the moment it left his mouth. Jay shuffled to your side of the bed and kneeled down beside you, carefully taking the book out of your hands.

“Please,” he begged. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know, Jay,” you replied with the strongest voice you could muster. You didn’t even realize that you were already choking back tears. “Sometimes I just wonder why you’re with me when you could really be dating someone your age.”

“Are you kidding?” Jay stood up before sitting on the edge of the bed. “Our age gap has never been a problem for me.”

“That’s the thing,” you said, avoiding eye contact. “It is for me sometimes.”

Jay stared at you for a couple of seconds that felt like an eternity for you, and you realized that he was probably searching for the right words to say. He moved closer to you and took your hand, bringing it up to his lips for him to kiss.

“I’m sorry that I never considered it from your side,” he whispered. “But believe me, Y/N, I’ve never felt anything like this before. I don’t just love you, I’m in love with you. I can’t stand being apart from you for too long. I just want to do everything with you. Every little thing reminds me of you.”

You felt a lump on your chest, and you were sure it was because you were overwhelmed. You wanted to return everything Jay said to you because you felt the exact same way, but words weren’t coming out of your mouth. All you could do was let out a shaky breath when Jay scooted even closer to you, hands moving up to cup your face.

“I’ve never brought up stuff about my past because I do not want to even think about it. I just want to focus on the present and the future. And my future is you.”

You failed to hold in the tears you were choking back, so you looked down as they fell to your hands. Jay pulled you into his arms, wrapping you with his warmth as you sobbed into his shoulder. Your hand clenched his shirt and he began stroking your hair gently, shushing you and whispering comforting words in your ear.

Once you stopped sobbing, Jay pulled away to look at your face. He wiped the remaining tears from your cheeks before leaning in to kiss you. You sighed into the kiss, and he didn’t mind the salty aftertaste that lingered on your lips.

“So you don’t have any other exes?” You asked in between sniffles.

Jay chuckled. “Baby, I thought we were over this.”

You punched his shoulder lightly. “Just answer me.”

“I don’t,” Jay said, kissing your cheek.

“Then how do you explain this?” You asked, caressing his cheek and staring into his eyes.

Jay frowned. “What do you mean ‘this’?”

“The way you’re treating me.” You rubbed your thumb across his cheek and he nuzzled into your touch. “And the sex.”

Jay couldn’t help but burst out laughing at your last remark. You pouted as you were sure you asked a serious question.

“For the first part, you can say my parents raised me well,” Jay explained. He put his finger under your chin and tilted your head up. “And for the second part, I just watched a lot of porn and romance movies, to be honest.”

“Pervert,” you commented, earning another hearty laugh from him.

“But you’re reaping the benefits, right?” Jay kissed your nose playfully and you just shook your head in pretentious disgust. “And what about you? Where did you learn how to make those beautiful moans? You drive me crazy when you moan.”

“I read a lot of smut,” you said, matter-of-factly.

“Pervert,” he returned your comment before attacking your neck with kisses. You squealed and fell lying down on the bed, completely accepting the fact that Jay was now attacking you with no signs of backing down.

---

It was basketball night for Jay and his mates, and for tonight you decided to stay at home to catch up on the work you still had because you left the office early. You knew you were going to have a packed Friday the next day, so you decided to go for peace and quiet at the comfort of your own home.

As soon as you got home, you showered and changed into more comfortable clothes. Your dark green kimono outer paired with the black lacey top and shorts as a set was your current favorite. To lift your mood even more, you put on the new perfume that one of your friends bought for you from Paris.

Once you made yourself a cup of hot silver needle tea, you cozied up on your sofa, placing your laptop on top of the cushion on your lap and started typing away. You played Christmas jazz instrumentals on your phone and let it connect to the Bluetooth speaker, so as the setting sun casted an orange shade in your living room, the calming music also made you more focused on your work.

You decided to just wait up for Jay to have dinner since he was going to be home soon and you weren’t feeling that hungry either. You finished your cup of tea, and after checking a couple of notifications on your phone, you continued to work on your laptop, changing your positions once in a while so you would not strain your legs. After a while, you heard the lock beep and as Jay entered, you shouted out to him.

“Welcome home, baby,” you said without taking your eyes off your screen. You turned the music off before you continued to type until you felt a shadow hovering over you. When you looked up, Jay was looking at you with an unhappy face.

“It’s almost 9, why are you still working?” He asked, pulling the strap of his duffel bag off his shoulder.

“I left early today and I wanted to get ahead of tomorrow,” you explained. Your hands paused over your keyboards and Jay immediately took one of them, kissing the back of your hand.

“I’m gonna go shower, and if you’re still working by the time I’m done, I’m gonna get mad,” Jay said. He leaned in to kiss the top of your head before disappearing. You just smiled and continued to work.

You swore only five minutes had passed before Jay returned to the living room, with a towel over his head and his favorite sleeveless black tee paired with his black shorts. He smelled like your soap and shampoo, and you like how it mixed with his own scent. Before you could say anything to greet him back, he yanked your laptop away from you and carefully placed it on the coffee table.

“Jay,” you muttered out of surprise. “I wasn’t done typing.”

Jay pouted as he walked in front of you, threw himself on the sofa beside you, and lied down while placing his head on your lap.

“Your hands can continue to be occupied,” Jay said, his hot breath tickling your thighs. “Please stroke my hair.”

You chuckled but did as he said. You brought up the towel and started rubbing it gently over his hair to dry it better. Jay closed his eyes, feeling content as he faced the TV. Once you were done, you pulled the towel away and set it on the armrest.

Jay shifted in his position and turned around, facing your stomach. He scooted closer and playfully pulled your top up before leaning in and just hiding under your top. He then kissed your belly button and you shook your head laughing. He began blowing raspberries on your stomach and you pinched his arm to make him stop.

“It tickles!” You said when he uncovered his face to give you a look of protest.

He reached out his hand and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear before caressing your cheek. You leaned in to kiss his forehead and he closed his eyes. When you pulled back, he frowned and started sniffing the air.

“Do I smell a new perfume?” Jay asked, opening his eyes completely and looking at you. “It is new, isn’t it?”

You nodded. “It’s a solid perfume that I’ve never tried before. I put it under my ears only. Do you like it?”

Jay groaned in an effort to lift himself off your lap. He sat sideways, an arm beside your thigh supporting his weight. He then nuzzled into your neck and took a quick sniff.

“I like it,” he said, sniffing again. “It’s fresh and subtle.”

He moved to sniff your right side and you just laughed softly, craning your neck.

“It’s so good?” He declared, sounding more like a question. Once he was done sniffing you he kissed your jawline.

“I’ve read that solid perfumes are meant to be sniffed only when you get closer to the person wearing it.”

“That’s sexy,” Jay commented. You just raised your eyebrows and nodded. “You’re sexy.”

You snorted at the sudden compliment, and Jay was just looking at you as he bit his lower lip. He placed his fingers under your chin and kissed you again, deeper this time, making a point that he wanted you. You grabbed him by the neck and pulled him closer, returning the gesture. Eventually, Jay’s arm gave out and he fell on your lap again after a hot minute of just kissing you.

He didn’t want to stop there, so he leaned into your stomach again and started peppering your belly with kisses. You smiled and brushed his hair back, observing him with adoring eyes. His hand made its way to your breasts, and the moment he started massaging your tits it became harder for you to control your sounds.

You brought your feet up to the coffee table, making your thighs tilt and giving Jay enough elevation for his mouth to reach your breasts. He began sucking on your tit, and squeezing the other with his hand. Your breath had become shaky at this point, and you desperately reached down his body to find something to touch.

Lucky for you, and for him, he was already hard. As he continued to suck on your boob, you began palming his crotch, gently rubbing your hands on his clothed erection. He groaned and almost grazed his teeth on your nipple before pulling away to look up at you.

“Can you take your top off for me?” He asked softly, his eyes almost sparkling.

“Only if you get naked for me too,” you said, smiling.

Jay sat up and ditched his t-shirt and shorts in an instant, and you were still in the middle of pulling your lacey top off when he settled himself on your lap again.

“But wear the kimono again,” he requested. “It’s a great color on you.”

“Very well, my prince.” You squished his cheeks together before pulling him for a kiss. Once you donned the kimono again, Jay smiled so widely before licking his lips.

You returned your attention to his throbbing dick in your hand while you let him suck on your tits again. You could see the precum on his tip as you carefully slid your fingers up and down his shaft. Jay began moaning, keeping his mouth latched onto your nipple. Every time your hand squeezed harder, he sucked harder, and the way he looked on your lap just made you fall in love with him all over again.

You can tell from his erection that this simple action was turning him on a lot, so you began stroking his hair and whispering comforting words to him. At one point, he opened his eyes and looked up at you, mouth still full with your boob, and you froze the image in your mind, wanting to remember it forever.

“My sweet prince,” you whispered, letting your hand do its job by spreading his precum all the way down to the base of his cock. He whimpered and bucked his hips up, trying to fuck your hand.

He pulled away from you and you saw a string of his saliva still connected to your breasts. “I’m close,” he announced, and when he looked at you, you nodded.

You pushed his head back into your breasts again and let him leave as many love bites as he wanted, all while your hand began pumping his cock faster. He began moaning louder and without further warning, he cummed all over his stomach. You saw the ropes of white staining his toned abs and you gently guided him as he rode out his high.

Jay began to catch his breath, and you brushed his hair back, chuckling as you saw a bead of sweat trickling down. You kissed his forehead and he reached up to your arm, rubbing his hand up and down. The towel that you conveniently placed on the armrest proved to be useful, as you reached for it and cleaned up Jay in less than thirty seconds.

“Are you still on your period?” Jay asked. The question almost caught you off guard. You folded the towel neatly before putting it away.

“No, it ended two days ago.”

“You made me wait for sex for two days?!” Jay spat. You threw your head back laughing before looking back at him again. “Get naked, now,” he demanded.

“Oh my God, Jay,” you placed your hand flat on his abs before poking him there with your pointy finger. He flinched on your lap. “You just had an orgasm.”

“And?” He asked, raising his eyebrow. “You say that like we’ve never gone for multiple rounds before.”

“I’m saying slow down,” you cooed, your hand caressing his face. “The night is still young.”

“Yeah, and I’m hungry,” Jay said, pouting.

You looked at the time and turned your head around to look at the kitchen. “I can cook you some ramen if you--”

“No, I want to eat you.”

When you stared back into his eyes you realized he was serious. He pouted and gave you his puppy eyes, and you just melted, pushing his face with your two hands and kissing his nose. “Okay,” you said, before tapping his shoulder so he could move away.

He began palming himself as he watched you pull your lacey shorts and your panties down in one go. You look at him and pinched the hem of your kimono. “On or off?”

“On,” Jay answered without missing a beat. You shook your head smiling. Jay then lied back on the sofa and you tilted your head.

“I thought you said you wanted to eat me out?” You asked, a puzzled look on your face.

Jay nodded. “Please place your pussy here,” he touched his lips, “and face that way,” he pointed to his legs.

“If you wanted 69 you could just say so,” you giggled, carefully throwing one leg over his head to get into position.

“Oh, my queen,” he sighed once his face came into contact with your core. “You should have told me you’re this wet.”

You had to admit that Jay sucking on your boobs while you jerked him off aroused you as much as it did him. But at this point, you realized that sometimes words can be set aside and you could let your body speak for itself.

The moment Jay licked a stripe down your folds, you jerked forward from the sudden warmth. You began stroking his dick, which was almost hard again. You took him in your mouth and started to mimic his ministrations on your cunt. When he licked a stripe along your folds, you licked a stripe along his shaft. When he sucked your clit, you sucked his tip. At one point he chuckled into you, noticing what you were doing, and the vibration you felt almost sent you into overdrive.

You moaned when you felt his tongue enter you, and since you had his dick in your mouth you almost choked. You were determined to take all of him and to return every single loving gesture he was making, but it was getting harder with every minute. You jerked your hips away from his lips, but it only made him pull you down harder, his two hands resting comfortably on your ass cheeks.

The choking sound you unintentionally made drove him to dive into you deeper. His tongue ran down your folds before entering you completely, and you whimpered, mouth full with his cock and body shaking from the pleasure. You felt the familiar knot in your stomach and you had to let go of his dick in order to breathe. You kept jerking him off with your hands though, but now your moans were clearer to him, so he continued to eat you out until you came on his face.

Your legs were shaking but you kept yourself up, determined to help Jay reach his second high of the night. Breathing heavily, you were about to take his length into your mouth again, but his hands stopped you and he began to just guide your hand up and down his shaft until he came on himself again. You carefully dismounted and just sat on the floor, buck naked, leaning your head on the sofa and still having your palm wrapped around his dick.

Jay looked at you with a regretful look on his face. “Babe,” he said, licking his lips and tasting your juice. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you nodded weakly, moving your hand to intertwine your fingers with his. You then sat up to get on your knees, and grabbing the same towel you used earlier, but with a different surface, you began wiping his mouth and chin.

“Babe,” Jay chuckled, stopping you by grabbing your wrist. “Your legs were shaking so much, I can’t believe you’re cleaning me up, right now.”

You shook your head. “Remember when you said that it’s your responsibility to clean up this place since this is your home now? Well, you’re my home, so it makes sense for me to clean you up.”

Jay laughed softly before taking the towel away, and he swiftly wiped away the cum from his stomach. He then pulled you towards him, moving back so there was enough space for you to lie down on the sofa. You did, and immediately turned to face him, nuzzling his neck.

“How was basketball night?” You asked, closing your eyes.

Jay snaked an arm around your waist and began rubbing your sides. “Uneventful. We placed a bet and I lost, again. I have to order late night snacks for them later.”

You giggled and tilted your head to kiss his chin. “Seems like you came home to a snack too.”

“Oh, I did.” Jay smiled. He pulled back a bit to look at you and found you beaming at him. “I got a whole meal.”

You pursed your lips and Jay chuckled before kissing you. He then pulled you closer into his embrace, rubbing your arms to keep you warm. The actual late-night snack can wait.

-END-

© forjongseong 2022, all rights reserved

read the next part: after last night

[eponymous-rose]

So I've been rewatching Star Trek: TNG as comfort TV during/post-move and just got to Yesterday's Enterprise, which I remember liking well enough, but man, it's really unusual in the context of the rest of these early episodes. For one thing, the violence shown is a lot more stark than we've seen in the show thus far - Riker with his throat cut, Captain Garrett with the metal shrapnel in her head, lingering close-ups on dead faces. It's dark and moody and the "happy ending" resolution (as far as we know at this point, anyway) is saving the few survivors of a brutal battle, patching them up, and then shipping them straight back into that battle to be killed.

Given the show's not-so-great track record with its female characters, it's weirdly refreshing that we get a re-do for Tasha Yar. And yeah, she falls in love with a dude and goes off with him on his ship, but she was ready to say goodbye to him and that would've been that - what finally prompts her to step willingly into the meat-grinder is the realization that she had an "empty death" (Guinan had some really raw lines in this one) in the other timeline, and that now her death can have some meaning. It's nicely done, if a bit of a self-flagellating "mea culpa" on the writers' parts.

The alternate timeline isn't the gleeful, campy evil of the Mirrorverse, it's just an exhausted grind through the final days of a losing war. Lots of little touches show how desperate things have become - Wesley's been fast-tracked to a full ensign, Picard is a tactician first and foremost (he takes officers' opinions under advisement, yes, but he's also keeping from them the inevitable, imminent surrender), the bridge is laid out so the captain is front and center with everyone else in the background. As a contrast with the actual Enterprise's chill 90s living room lounge vibe, it's pretty striking. It's like a sneak preview into the bleak and war-heavy sci-fi that would start saturating pop culture a decade or so later, and then it's a firm rejection of that premise - "This isn't a ship of war. It's a ship of peace."

I have a long, long history with TNG - DS9 is my favorite Trek on balance, but TNG is encoded in my DNA. From around ages 3 and 5, my brother and I were watching and rewatching TNG constantly. (My parents would laugh over the fact that my brother didn't know how to read yet but had memorized the episode titles of the first couple seasons.) We had pajamas. We scoured every garage sale and had a giant metal can full of action figures and phasers and tricorders and ships and even, shockingly, that transporter toy that made things disappear using mirrors.

The tactile experience of those toys is burned in my brain - the loose nacelles on the Enterprise model, the click of the left phaser button, the little hole at the bottom of the Borg cube that we once stuck a pencil in and had the tip of the graphite snap off and rattle around forevermore. My brother and I played incessantly with our action figures, to the point where most of them had the paint at least partially rubbed off - we created hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of new episodes over the years. The first time I ever used a touchscreen was at some sort of Star Trek exhibition in Canada in the early 90s that we stumbled across on our way to visit my grandparents.

I'm always fascinated by how kids interact with fictional media - my brother and I were so young, but we obviously knew Star Trek wasn't real. Except... I just always assumed that important people watched it, realized "well, that seems nice", and were actively working to make that future happen. I was (perhaps a little embarrassingly) older when I realized that no, we weren't gonna be out there on science missions to the stars during my lifetime. At least, not in an Enterprise kind of way.

At any given time, there's just this Star Trek filter over how I experience the world - when I got to go to college thanks to scholarships, I had that weighty feeling of responsibility and awe that came with daydreaming about Starfleet Academy. I saw my career shift from the gold of engineering to the blue of science to the red of command. And the older I get, the more I appreciate a show that, for all its flaws, managed to make a utopia interesting and complex.

Because TNG was such a phenomenon when I was a little kid in the early 90s, a lot of my family relationships also have TNG tied up in them. I remember going to my grandparents' apartment and my uncle showing us a fan magazine about the show. I remember another uncle who didn't really "get it" but gifted me and my brother astronaut ice cream because he knew we liked that space stuff. I remember watching most episodes curled up on the couch or my parents' bed with my brother and my mom and dad. When Mom got sick and we talked about death, I remember the way she wistfully brought up the Nexus from Generations or how she hoped she could see the next season of Picard (she didn't, sadly, but she really enjoyed that first season). Hell, one of the first real bonding moments I had with my otherwise hyper-professional and businesslike PhD advisor was when she made a TNG joke, I laughed at it, and she said, "I just love that show, everyone's so nice to each other."

It's just been a lot of fun coming back to this show, is all. I think I periodically forget how much it's affected me and the extent to which it was a fundamental, formative influence. While a lot of it either hasn't aged well or fails to hold up to modern media analysis, so much of it is still lovely, and occasionally there are these moments of shockingly good storytelling.

Star Trek good.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by the lovely @maggiemayhemnj - thank you!!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

Ten. I was cross-posting everything for a minute there, but I lost steam and now I only post here - except for Aphelion, which I am co-writing with @something-tofightfor. That still gets posted in both places.

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

68,449 - not counting Aphelion. My tumblr word count is... a lot higher.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Right now just Pedro Pascal characters.

4. top five fics by kudos?

Gonna go by notes on tumblr instead because that's where most of my stuff is:

Bes'laar Din Djarin x F!Reader (based on artwork by @stealyourblorbos!)

Survivor Blues Joel Miller x F!Reader

Forever Din Djarin x F!Reader

The Cold Offends Me Oberyn Martell x F!Reader (The Viper & The Wild Thing universe)

Point of No Return Ezra x OFC Clara

5. do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to all comments because I appreciate them SO MUCH MORE than I can accurately convey. I love hearing from people about what they liked or what shocked them or what made them feel things, and I really love the chance to sort of have a micro mini chat about it in the comments. That being said, sometimes I completely check out and miss a whole batch or a whole fic worth of comments goes unresponded to for far too long. And I always feel bad when that happens, which sometimes results in me responding to things WAY after the comments were left, to the point where it wouldn't surprise me if the person has already forgotten the fic/what they wrote... but I haven't forgotten how much it meant to me that they read and commented on my work. So even if it's 6 months to an eternity late, I intend to respond to them all.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It Pours From Your Eyes Joel x Tess

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like most of them have happy endings, but we'll go with A Little Christmas Magic - Frankie x F!Reader as perhaps the fluffiest happy ending.

8. do you get hate on fics?

I have gotten non-fic specific hate directed at my writing before, but that was a few years ago and it hasn't happened since. Which is cool because the fewer people wasting their time and energy on being unnecessarily mean about things - let alone about stories about silly little fictional guys - the better.

9. do you write smut?

I do, but I do not consider it one of my strong suits, and I typically only include it if it fits with the overall story though a few times I have written smut just to be filthy as a challenge... and as a treat.

10. craziest crossover?

I've been slowly spinning a True Detective x Tim Rockford crossover like a rotisserie chicken for months but I've only managed to jot down a few unconnected snippets thus far. And a title. It's gonna be called (maybe, if I ever actually write it) Flat Circle, Twisted Game.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, but if I did I would be absolutely PISSED. And I can't say I'd be nice about it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but that would be cool AF.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I am currently co-writing Aphelion with @something-tofightfor and it is so much FUN.

14. all time favorite ship?

In all honesty it's probably Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt. I was straight up ready to stop watching Parks and Rec if they didn't end up together.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

lol what kind of passive aggressive, self-doubt feeding question is this? I'd like to finish them all and I try like hell to believe that I will.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I think it's probably describing natural settings? But maybe dialogue. Idk.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Smut. Also keeping the momentum to finish things in a timely fashion, but mostly smut.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I try to only use it when it makes sense or when it benefits the story and not just as like... a novelty or an afterthought.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Teeeeeeeeeeechnically? Like first one I ever made content for? I guess that would be the Twilight series. But I will not be sharing where to find that here. And if you find out where it is, you take that knowledge to the grave with you, you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME, FRIENDS?

20. favorite fic you've written?

Even though it's nowhere near done, I love and am so very proud of Survivor Blues. But then again, even though it's a few years old now and I feel like my writing has grown since finishing it, Point of No Return will always have a very big piece of my heart.

Tagging: anyone who sees this and wants to play! Please tag me so I can see your answers!!

[bardengarde]

I hope you struggle with this ask game as much as I did. Love you.

BJ: 3, 20, 22

Hawkeye: 1, 2, 6, 12, 24

God Shan you said you were going easy on me then I reviewed the questions.... I wish I had an emote here for BJ's sarcastic smile. Love you too though, and augh.... *cracks knuckles* BJ Hunnicutt

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Already this isn't fair, because you know me, you know my blog title, you know my beliefs. ...The entire episode of "Hanky Panky" though. I hate that he cheated on Peg (while still recognizing the significance of it to his character arc, and the archetype he fulfills). It was a hard fall when I got to that episode for the first time. I was rooting for him, we were all rooting for him. And the fact the date the episode released on is so close to my birthday- it felt like a targeted attack.

There are maybe other things..... won't share them here though, y'all stay safe.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Assuming I'm meant to answer other than Hawkeye since they're canonically best friends, I really would have liked to see his and Klinger's friendship expand more. I love the banter they have, they seem to get along great, and even if Klinger isn't a dad in the show I feel like he has dad energy and I feel like they'd be really stoked to show each other pictures of their kids in the future and be excited for one another and the milestones their kids reach. I'll stop myself before I go too far off on the deep end with headcanons, but I think their dynamic is often fun and sweet and would love to see it explored more.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

To be so real with you, I've not read enough fics to have a good answer for this- like down to details. I guess my thing is knowing that BJ is a very complex characters with multiple layers- I feel like I'd get annoyed if I read a fic that took a very fanon approach to BJ and made him like a malicious liar type, which I don't think he is at all. Or if he was boiled down to jealousy or anger issues. That said, I love reading a fic where someone can nail his sense of humor or puns.

Hawkeye Pierce

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Why DO I like him, honestly??? I'm rewatching the show from the beginning rn and god.... I landed on this guy??? Echoing your answer when I asked you, he's definitely very complex and I am always learning new things about him/ coming to a different understanding in my interpretation of him. I really appreciate his character arc and what Alan Alda did with his character; I appreciate his views on him as well. I'm also drawn to characters where just about everything happens to them, and god Hawkeye might have pioneered that trope /hj

I'd also argue that I like Hawkeye so much because he's so much unlike the majority of my favorite characters previously. Traditionally, I've been more drawn to serious, academic characters, or charming and romantic, or softer and gentler, or even clean-cut types, and Hawkeye is.... different, to say the least. Not to say he's not capable of some of those qualities... sometimes, but he's... just vastly different than say Aramis, Enjolras, Riza Hawkeye, Peggy Carter, Philippe (mitim), and so on, and so on...

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Hah.... This is also hard.

I like how imperfect he is. I would personally think of him as a good person (I say while wincing a bit), but I think more accurately he is a person who is trying to do his job to the best of his ability in one of the worst possible circumstances. And he tries to help people who are being mistreated along with it, and while standing up against idiocy and injustice, and being firm in his pacifism.

Despite that, he's sleazy, disrespectful, sometimes outright mean, and overall probably not someone I would want to be close friends with in real life. (At least, not at where he is in my current re-watching of the show.) He's not a 'saint in surgical garb'; he's a person. A very flawed person. And I like that. I like him. 6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I don't think I can answer this without getting too deep with it. Let's just say I like to think I'm funny sometimes.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I know none of these are new to you Shan, but you'll hear them again!!!

-I think one of Hawkeye's favorite ice cream flavors is Rum Raisin. I think he also likes splitting a banana split with someone else (as a kid- with either of his parents, does it on dates sometimes, etc)

-I'm purposefully twisting a line given in the show about him having a 'pet' stuffed owl, and saying he had a stuffed owl toy as a kid named Hooty.

-I think his favorite color is red.

-I have a very important headcanon to myself that after his mom passed away, he was given a lot of extra care and love by the moms of a few of his friends in Crabapple Cove. One would send along an extra packed lunch with their kid to make sure Hawkeye had something to eat at school. Another stopping him to fix where his hair looked a mess and straighten his shirt for him. And so, so many hugs and endearments. None of this was done because they thought that Daniel Pierce was neglectful or couldn't take care of Hawkeye, but because Daniel was grieving as well and they wanted to help where they could and ease some of the load off Daniel's shoulders with not only him becoming Hawkeye's sole guardian, but also while still being the towns doctor as well- while he's trying to pick up the pieces and get back on his feet.

I like to think even as an adult when Hawkeye sees one of his friends mom's who had helped taken care of him, he still runs up to them and gives them a big hug. :,)

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Hehe, there's the rub because I don't know if I have one. Mayyyybe Grantaire since I have Les Mis on the mind today, but not reallyyyyy. No offense to Grantaire but Hawkeye is a lot more competent and cares a lot more about things. But drunk, comical, not straight, in love with a blond- that checks out.

[bunni-v1]

May I request Jamil relationship headcannons

Jamil Viper Relationship Headcannons

TW: Mild swearing

Info: Headcannons, Fluff, Jamil Viper x Reader

Summary: In title

Housewarden’s part here

🍓Ah! How exciting, finally writing my first request! Sorry for the wait lovely, school is really kicking my ass. Anyway, writing for Jamil is such a delightful treat, I hope I did him justice! As always, enjoy this little treat <3

-Jamil is a tough one to crack, perhaps the most difficult in the twst cast.

-To put it simply, Jamil is the most cautious, paranoid bastard you will ever meet when it comes to forming relationships (that’s so bpd-core of him omg).

-The fact that he let down his walls enough to consider getting close to you is a miracle in and of itself, but dating him? Seriously? It’s probably proof that there is a god somewhere.

-He’s similar to Leona with how standoffish he is at the start of your relationship. He’s far more affectionate and easy to be around compared to Leona, but he keeps a sizable distance between the two of you for a very long while.

-Can you blame him? There are so many factors that he has to think about when it comes to sharing himself with someone, expecting him to just be 100% comfortable immediately is just an impossible ask.

-First of all, there’s his schedule. Not only is he an honors student with hard classes and a demanding major/minor combo, but he’s also the vice house warden of Scarabia, he’s also on the basketball team, he also has to mother Kalim and the rest of Scarabia 24/7. He’s busy all the time, and now he has to (read: wants to) fit you into that already demanding schedule.

-Secondly is his title. He’s a servant to the Asim family. Regardless of how much he can separate himself from that title at NRC, at the end of the day his duties lay with Kalim and his family. It’s a heavy burden, and it isn’t something he wants to place onto your shoulders as well.

-So, please excuse his stony demeanor, he’s not exactly used to sharing himself and being attached to someone emotionally.

-At the start, despite the distance, he insists on keeping between the two of you, he’s still a very caring partner. He’s always sure to make time for you in the little ways he can.

-He invites you to eat lunch with him and Kalim (he would prefer it were just the two of you, but alas he has to keep Kalim alive), checks in with you when you pass in the hallways, ensures that you’re resting and eating well and healthy. The cute, little things are the things that matter early on with him.

-He, much like Leona, does not expect the same back from you. It isn’t something he’s used to, so it really throws him through a loop when you slide him something sweet from the cafe during class together or when you send him a text checking up on him and making sure he was going to bed at a semi-reasonable time.

-It really is the little things with him. They slowly, ever so slowly, build up over time and make him more and more stable in your relationship.

-And, holy shit, a comfortable Jamil is the absolute best Jamil.

-As he gets comfortable, he becomes more and more open to affection. As he becomes more affectionate he also becomes more flirty he gets.

-He is so good at flustering you, it’s his absolute favorite pastime to see you flail around after he teases you. Not that he’s malicious about it. He just really enjoys the power he has, as your boyfriend, to completely and totally catch you off guard with a compliment — which he means wholeheartedly, of course.

-He also grows more and more physical with you. Not in a way that would make you uncomfortable, but again in a way that would fluster you and get your face heating up like no tomorrow.

-Hand on your waist? Check! Around your shoulders? Of course! On the small of your back just a little too low? Oh, his absolute favorite.

-Loves to sprinkle little kisses on your face, but this happens almost exclusively in private. He isn’t super into PDA for the most part, but he does have his moments.

-He really enjoys cornering you in semi-private-but-not-private-enough-that-you-aren’t-totally-safe-from-being-caught hallways and teasing you until you’re literally begging him to let you go to your next class.

-Other than his adoration for teasing you, he’s really just a big old softie.

-Being with Jamil kind of feels like you’re already a married couple. He is so very affectionate with you, and it's a warm affection that never wavers no matter how long you’ve been with him.

-He does the husband thing a lot when you’re both in the kitchen. You know the one in those sappy romance shows where he grabs you by the waist and sways you side to side with him while he rests your foreheads together and whispers out his admiration for you. 

-Dancing quietly late at night in his room to a soft song from his homeland.

-Singing to you at random times when you’re alone, love songs that make butterflies flutter in your stomach.

-You are so lucky to have him.

-He loves cooking for you. In fact, he has always made food for you even from the start, and he lives to see the way your face lights up when you take a bite of something he prepared with his own two hands. (You swear you can taste his love and admiration with each bite you take).

-Your opinions of the food he makes are the only thing that matter to him. Please, for the love of the seven, praise him. The adorable way his eyes light up and the tiny little smile he gets makes it so worth it.

-Another, more serious, thing to note about Jamil is the way he presents his emotions to you. He really struggles to show how he feels outright in a manner that would be deemed socially acceptable, so a lot of the time he comes off as exhausted. Especially when the two of you have little disagreements.

-It’s very easy to interoperate the way he sighs and how blank his face looks when you argue to look tired of you and like he doesn’t want to have this conversation, but that’s very far from the truth.

-The tiredness when serious topics come up is just his default. He doesn’t really understand how to deal with all these intense feelings coming about so he turns it off so he can focus on the main task at hand, whatever the two of you are talking about.

-He takes every issue that comes up extremely seriously, which is exactly why he doesn’t want to make it worse by accidentally blowing it out of proportion, so he takes the stone-cold logical route because he knows that works.

-Bringing it up to him makes him feel terrible, and of course, he apologizes profusely. He loves you and he respects you, making you feel otherwise is like a slap in the face for him.

-Great thing about Jamil is that he’s incredibly good at negotiating and talking things through. For his emotional unavailability and any disagreements, it’s usually very quickly solved between the two of you with a little easy conversation.

-As I touched upon before, Jamil is still a servant to the Asim family. His loyalty to them, unfortunately, must come before you for his family's sake.

-Luckily, Kalim likes you.

-It is inevitable that you and Kalim grow close when you’re dating Jamil. They’re practically (reluctantly, in Jamil’s case) attached at the hip. You frequently see Kalim, almost more than you see Jamil, so you absolutely have a good relationship with him.

-Kalim actually is so happy about your relationship with Jamil that he goes out of his way to ensure that you and Jamil get to actually maintain that relationship.

-He will force Jamil out of the dorm to spend time with you, cause “accidents” that force Jamil to pay more attention to you, and all that cute stuff.

-He’s incredibly intentional when he wants to be, or at least when it comes to making Jamil’s life “harder”

-Now, your closeness with Kalim is both a blessing and a curse in Jamil’s eyes. He’s happy enough that Kalim likes you and you like Kalim, considering his situation. Sure, Kalim causes a lot of issues in his attempts to “bring the two of you closer”, but Jamil will happily take any excuse to be around you.

-The issue? Jamil’s jealousy.

-Now, let me get this straight, Jamil is not a jealous partner in any regard. Actually, trust and loyalty are the foundation of your relationship with him, he has no reason to think you’d cheat on him with anyone. (Why would you, he’s literally your best option on campus in the first place.)

-With Kalim though… his inferiority complex flares up. His whole life — literally his whole life — he’s been second to Kalim. Deep down in his gut that irrational fear that, again, even with someone who he loves so dearly, he will come second to Kalim is there.

-He never actively stops you from being around Kalim, but he is sure to keep a close eye on the two of you when he can. He does vocalize this concern with you, of course, not wanting you to think he doesn’t trust you to be loyal at all.

-As I’m sure you’ve guessed, communication is key with Jamil. The two of you keep constant communication for everything, little or big.

-Sleepovers. At. Scarabia. Literally all the time. You practically live there.

-Sometimes Kalim is there, usually only at the start until he wanders off to his own room for bed, but usually, Jamil is sure to plan around Kalim so he can have you to himself.

-He is most free at night, so that’s when you spend most of your alone time together. Despite how exhausted he may be, he really does go out of his way for you, because he loves you.

-Sleeping over in Jamil’s room is always a delight because not only does he spoil you, but he lets you spoil him. He makes the two of you tons of delicious snacks that you hand feed each other, watches movies with you (usually whatever you want unless you insist he picks it), and this man will sing you to sleep.

-The best thing though? Playing with his hair. Yeah, he styles yours as you want him to and he loves running his fingers over your scalp to see you shiver, but god to touch Jamil's hair is an honor. 

-He won’t let you do stupid things to it, of course. He guides you on what you can and cannot do with it the first few times he allows you to play with it, but as time goes on he trusts you to do whatever you’d like with it.

-Finally, my personal favorite, is the best way to fluster Jamil.

-He is a very sturdy guy, it's hard to take him off guard, but you can. The best way to do it though? Wear his second jersey to his basketball games, it’ll get him.

-Generally just being openly affectionate with him at times he does not expect is a surefire way to get him all hot in the face and stumbling to catch himself before he makes himself look even more atrociously stupid.

-In the end, Jamil is a great boyfriend. He’s loving, caring, and all-around wonderful to be with. He values balance and trust, and he’s always sure to keep up a steady flow of communication with you. 10/10, I want him as my own.

[chirpingfromthebox]

My favorite bits from Boston's post-game press interviews after PWHL Finals Game 3

You can find the entire video here! Be sure to give them some views/likes/nice comments, because her channel is great and the support helps more people find it.

At the table were Megan Keller, Hilary Knight, and coach Courtney Kessel.

Technically, my title here is a lie. Usually I just pick my favorite parts, but this is just all of them, because they only asked 4 questions. The whole video is only about 3 minutes long. It could be that the reporters just didn't have anything more to ask given the circumstances, or it could be that they were picking up the STRONG vibes that the Boston crew very much did not want to be there.

Hilary Knight especially looks like she would throw hands at anyone who asked an impertinent question.

Transcriptions under the break.

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REPORTER: For any of you guys, given everything you have done this season so far to get to this point, what are the emotions to keep it alive for one more game?

COURTNEY KESSEL: Two more games.

REPORTER: Sorry! Two more games- one more win at least.

[for context, from the way it sounded I do believe this slip-up from the reporter was a legitimate mistake of phrasing and not a dig at Boston.]

MEGAN KELLER: I mean, I think all year long it’s been a journey for this team. We’re used to having to fight for everything. For every inch. Playoffs, this finals, it’s a series. So we have to find a way to turn the page here and learn from this game. We’ve got two more games coming up.

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REPORTER: For Courtney, how would you describe—or for a player—just how difficult it was to get any shots net in the early goings of that second period?

COURTNEY KESSEL: I think Minnesota’s done a great job of setting up a trap after they score. They’ve done it in all three games. We’ve gotta find a way to beat it, to get pucks in with possession and not chase the game.

R: Maybe I’ll follow up, for Hilary, what do you think the forwards can do to get a little more space or generate more with what they’re giving you?

HILARY KNIGHT: I’d say that a lot of our forechecks are broken. So it’s just that second quick support and making sure that we’re placing pucks in a position to help us play into our speed that we have. We have a handful of talented players, so just having that disconnect has really bit us tonight.

[if you only watch one part of the video watch this one. To quote @hockeyisforwomen: “Knight is absolutely steaming.” I can't properly describe to you the levels to which she appears to be fighting to keep her cool. You can see it the whole interview, but here it's on full display.

Also note that she's been tapping her pointer finger the whole session, but by the end of the session she's switched to her middle finger. Just a coincidence? Or a message to the press? You be the judge!]

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REPORTER: For Megan, how much life did you guys get from Alina’s goal there at the very end of the second period? Breaking the long shutout streak. Getting you on the board with just a few seconds left in a tight game.

MEGAN KELLER: Yeah, I think that gave this team a lot of life. You know, it’s fun scoring goals. Especially under two seconds. That’s happened quite a few times here. I think going into the third it definitely gave us some life. And just a few defensive breakdowns at the end there that kinda cost us.

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REPORTER: For Courtney, what’s you message, kinda, turning that page and pushing, getting ready for another one so quickly turnaround in this series?

COURTNEY KESSEL: I feel like our backs have been up against the wall for quite some time. We were down 5 points heading into that World’s break. I think the run we went on to get us where we’re at is something to- it’s an accomplishment for sure. So we know what it’s like to fight back and we’re going to continue to fight.

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[End of Interview]

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What I got from these interviews is that this loss seems to have really rattled Boston. They are either about to crack under the pressure or they're about to go absolute beast-mode on Sunday.

Personally, I'm hoping for the latter. As much as I want Minnesota to win it all, I love the Boston team. They've struggled a bit this season, but when Boston brings the heat? My gods, they bring the fire! And there's nothing better than best-on-best. If they can turn this loss into fuel for the game on Sunday the way they've been doing ever since the world's break? Oh my friends, it'll be epic.