#also should I watch more than just Jordan’s pov

[butxherz]

The god lore in mianite does confuse me a little bit .. most of the confusion is from the fanart though bc I look at season 1 dianite and Ianite and then I see fanart of them at a later date and im wondering what happened that caused their dynamic to change

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 90)

Lucy Bronze x Reader (68) & Jordan Nobbs x Leah Williamson (23)

Masterlist (other parts here)

((3.4k))

Due to popular demand, I'm going to post a chapter bi-weekly, every Thursday and Sunday night until we hit Part 100!

YFN POV

“For someone so independent, you’re very needy,” Jordan chuckled.

YFN pouted, looking at her watch again. “They’ve been gone all fucking day. Surely that’s a bad thing?”

The slightly smaller woman shrugged. “Not necessarily. I mean, what if they’re just tying everything up with a pretty bow to make sure that it’s all sorted today? With both Lucy and Leah speaking, and then our testimonials, along with Ridley and Alexia, and your injury report, surely that’s enough to have Kristie locked up for the foreseeable future.”

Kristie. She never wanted to hear that name again. Lucy had no intention of letting her be in the same room as her, and Leah had offered to go as a character witness, knowing that her fame would make them realise how important of a case it was.

Jordan reached out and squeezed her hand. “It should be an open and shut case. Especially seeing as you didn’t want to go for the harshest punishment.”

“I just didn’t want her doing it to anyone else. She needed to know it was wrong.”

“Some jail time and community service will definitely get the message across.”

“And restraining orders…” she murmured. That had been Lucy’s non-negotiable.

“Leah there is going to throw a spanner in the works too. Her platform is massive. No one in their right mind will want her publicly speaking about how Kristie got away with her friends being stalked and then assaulted to the point of this.”

She gestured to YFN sitting up in the hospital bed.

She squeezed her hand. “Thanks for being here, Dory.”

Jordan’s little smile took over from her serious, friend look. “Of course, mate. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

A few minutes later Lucy’s doctor returned, or rather, her doctor too.

“I’m sorry for the delay,” he said as he stood next to her bed with a gentle smile. He was one of those men that you were always comfortable around. The benevolent type. “The scans are good - better than I expected given your… history.” Another smile, though this one was sympathetic. “Would you like the good news or the very good news first?”

She felt herself let go of tension she didn’t realise she’d been holding.

“Save the best for last.”

“Very well.” He put the scans up on the light box and pointed to her collarbone. “The second surgery went well. The screws are holding, though I’m afraid I need you in the sling to keep it immobile for the next 4 weeks or so..”

She sighed, though knew it was the case. Her Christmas was officially in a sling.

He continued. “Unless there’s an incident, or any issues with pain, I won’t need to give it a check-up until just prior to Christmas, and then I’m hoping to have you out of it for the new year.”

She smiled and nodded. “Well, that’s positive…”

He moved onto the next two x-rays. “Your forearm and wrist are healing well, though I’m afraid the cast will need to remain on for the next 6-8 weeks. We’ll give you a check-up when we get rid of the sling. Your jaw is also healing nicely, I know the bruising has been persistent, but expect it to be gone in the next week or so..”

“I can handle the cast,” she chuckled. “My shoulder is just in need of a good movement.”

She’d just wanted to swing her arm around, to roll her shoulder, instead of having it stuck where it was. It was a level of frustrating that bordered on pain.

“There are a few small massages that you can do to help, though you’ll need to be quite gentle with them, and careful not to shift your collarbone too much.”

He handed her a sheet with the exercises.

“Lucy can help with these. Any issues, give me a call.”

“Thank you,” she replied, gratefully. She was always grateful at the opportunity for Lucy to touch her more.

Jordan took the sheet interestedly and looked over it.

“Now onto your ribs. They’ve been thrown around a bit…” he looked at her with eyebrows raised and she blushed, knowing full well that she’d been abusing them a little too much with Lucy. “…which I understand.” He was politely giving her an out. “You already had several past injuries and you’re very limited with your movements given your state, and so it’s understandable that your ribs are catching the brunt of it. Though, you’ll need to be more mindful. No overexertion. No twisting yourself. No…excessive movements.”

To his credit, he did seem entertained by it.

“I think you should call Lucy and tell her that directly,” Jordan joked.

YFN’s mouth dropped open, though he and Jordan shared a good chuckle at her expense. She made a mental note to not tell Lucy so that she didn’t lose any part of her sex life.

“Now onto your kneecap…”

She braced herself for bad news, but how could it be, when he’d said the worst of it first?

“It was only ever a minor crack, however I wanted you to keep your full weight off of it as you can’t exactly use crutches. I’m going to keep the brace on, however you can walk on it again.”

She grinned – her first thought being that Lucy was going to be so happy. She could picture her face lighting up now.

“Now don’t overdo it. Don’t put all of your weight onto it at once. Place your foot on the ground and ease your weight onto it. It’s a slow process, but you need to build that habit up so you’re not overdoing it. The brace will be on for another few weeks, and I’m hoping to take it off just before Christmas.”

No brace for Christmas. Lucy was going to be thrilled.

“Hoping…” he said again, making sure she understood that it was only a possibility at this stage. “…and you can take the brace off for showers now, just don’t put all of your weight on it in the shower.”

No more garbage bags. She nodded. “Thanks, Doc.”

They finished up with him, getting her scripts for medication and some more information. Lucy, ever the anatomy fanatic, would want to know every detail possible. Especially because it was her.

She walked slowly to the car, relished the feel of being able to use her legs like legs again. She was officially The Little Mermaid.

She groaned the relief for her hips and lower back as she did so, knowing this would take a lot of strain from Lucy needing to carry her around.

She slipped into Miles, Lucy’s car, and Jordan slipped into the driver’s seat. The footballers had taken Leah’s Mercedes as it was lower to get into and Lucy hadn’t wanted her dropping into the seat and struggling to get out.

It was later in the afternoon now, and she looked at the time, wondering why it was all taking so long.

“Celebration dinner?” Jordan asked.

“Why do I feel like you all had this planned already?”

“Maybe. You know Lucy…”

“Has she messaged you?!” She looked over at Jordan who seemed to barely be able to see over the steering wheel. She gave a sympathetic smile. “No, sorry. But the table is still booked, so maybe we should see if they make it? I would suggest Katie and Caitlin but they’re not in town. Most of the girls are with their international squads. We can ask Alex but Jill is in Manchester. There’s a few other’s in town.. LJ and Keira, maybe?”

“Oh, that’s an idea!”

Jordan gave them both a call. LJ wasn’t available, however Keira and Georgia were. They met them at the Italian restaurant Lucy had booked and made a night of it. The girls joked about how they’d be in trouble if they were caught eating carbs when they were in season, though YFN had convinced them that they’d deserved it after their hard fought victory over the Netherlands. The more she got to know Keira, the more she got along with her. She opened up slowly, though at the end of the day, they both thought similarly, and had a similar sense of humour.

It was also one of the first times she’d been close and in intimate conversation with Georgia since she’d caught the first kiss between her and Lucy. They spoke about the game, Scotland, how much they needed to win by, Lumos and the interviews. The three footballers had a good catch up now that they all played for different teams, and they saw less of Jordan.

The two opted to skip dessert as they’d apparently already been too bad, though once they saw Jordan and YFN’s desserts, they couldn’t help but try a taste.

When their dinner was ending, she checked her phone and her stomach sank.

“Still nothing?” Jordan asked, seeing her reaction.

She gave a sigh. “No. You?”

She shook her head.

“Doesn’t usually take this long, surely?” Georgia asked. “What, are they hand delivering her to jail?”

“There must be a good reason…” Keira comforted. “Either way, we have time to do the interview if you want?”

They were being efficient, with Keira offering at dinner to come over and do the couch interview that YFN had suggested was best to ease the ‘Wonze’ fanatics of the internet. She still didn’t know Keira well, though she could see that she’d offered partly because not only did she want to get it over and done with, as she hated interviews, but she knew YFN needed a distraction from the current legal situation that Lucy and Leah were tied up in. She called Bridget and Emily to see if they were available last minute for the interview. They were more than eager, as she knew they would be, though still offered them extra pay for the inconvenience.

After dinner, they made their way to Lucy’s and settled in, Bridget and Emily setting up for the interview while she ran through queries with Keira prior to it.

“Did you read the questions and prompts I sent..?”

She hadn’t expected her to, as the interview wasn’t supposed to take place until later in the month, however things seemed to be working this way for her for some reason.

Keira nodded, asking questions and YFN couldn’t help but be impressed at her eye for detail.

She’d said that Jordan and Georgia didn’t have to stay, but they’d insisted, wanting to catch up on lost time.

The interview went for just over an hour, though it was exactly what she’d wanted. Keira had not been tense at all, and she was proud of herself for creating such an environment. To be fair, she even felt like she’d flirted with her a little, which had surprised the Australian. She’d never seen an interview with Keira so comfortable before. Hopefully that would suppress the ‘Wonze’ fanatics who’d been sending her so much hate on social media.

Keira took photos for their interview, while she answered Georgia’s questions about the content process. She had very little content outside of the Lionesses as she played at Bayern Munich and they weren’t exactly known for their social media. They didn’t have time for another interview that night as the girls had training the next day before flying out to Scotland, and needed to get rest.

They all left, though Jordan stayed with her. She looked at her watch as they walked out of the door. 8pm. She hadn’t heard from Lucy since 7am.

She sighed, dropping her hand in defeat. Jordan gave her a cuddle. “They’ll be home soon..”

She cuddled into her friend, allowing herself to relax when her phone buzzed. She jumped immediately and grimaced at the pain that shot through her body as she grabbed for her phone.

Joe calling…

At this time of night?

“Hey, Joe,” she answered, feeling awkward calling her that.

“Hello, YFN. How are you?” Her voice sounded as soft and regally calm as ever. It was comforting to her.

“I’m doing well. It’s late – is everything okay?”

“Oh, yes. I was calling to check in on the hearing today. Did it go well?”

She wondered if she’d used any of her influence to help the situation. Her voice suggested that perhaps she had, though just a little.

“Luce and Leah aren’t home yet. They’ve been gone for over 13 hours.”

“I see. It’s not unusual, though. I’d like an update when they’re done, please. I need to make sure this is all wrapped up so that you’re safe.”

Seeing as you don’t want the security team I offered, she could practically hear her saying. Catherine was worried about her, which made her feel loved. She’d never had that from a mother figure beyond her grandma. Her heart softened.

“Thank you…” she said, gratefully. “I’ll let you know when I know. Also, I had a check up today. Everything is healing well, and I can now walk, albeit gently.”

“I read the report you sent through,” YFN could hear the smile in her voice. “I was very happy to read that. Hopefully you can be moving a bit more freely by the new year.”

“Fingers crossed!”

She gave a light laugh. “Mine certainly are. Now, I was thinking about the Gala event this week that Lucy and Alessia are doing this week. We’re a bit on the back foot with everything since there’s so much going on, however I was hoping that the timing will work out to have our own Lumos event this week, on Friday or Saturday perhaps. Do you think we could get any high profile players in that time?”

“How many were you thinking?”

“Ten maximum. I don’t want the focus to be lost if there are too many.”

“Well, Lucy will be with me for a little before headed back to Barca. Most girls will be back with their teams by then. I think I can get Jordan Nobbs, Leah Williamson, potentially any players from the WSL, and also perhaps… perhaps…”

“Perhaps?”

She pondered. “Perhaps… Alexia. That’s a big maybe, though.”

“Alexia would be the white whale, if we could get her on. Otherwise, it sounds great. Perhaps some other nationalities too, if you can?”

“Coaches too?” She asked, trying to think who would be available at a moment’s notice. “I could ask Sarina. Emma. I could get Caitlin for Australia, Katie for Ireland, Yui for Japan, Ashley for Canada, or similar if they're not available?”

“Brilliant. I do hate to drop this on you last minute, though I have been wanting to get it done before the rush prior to Christmas. If you could look through availability and give me a date and names, I’ll work on booking a location for Friday or Saturday so we can start promoting it.”

“Consider it done.”

“Thank you, YFN. About tomorrow night, I have a location to meet. I’m assuming Lucy will be coming also?”

“I think Leah and Jordan have a right to be there too.”

She could practically hear her nodding. “I’ve sent the location and time to Mark. I have an aircraft departing at night for you. I’ll put you all on the manifest. You may need to clear it with the Lioness management.”

“Leah will handle that…”

“Perfect. I’ll send you the flight details.”

“Cath-” She cut herself off. “Are you sure about this?”

“There’s only so much hiding I can do. This is an unnecessary evil, unfortunately. You’ve been through too much already. I won’t have you fighting him too. I’m hoping to finish this once and for all with him tomorrow night, though from then on, my intention is still to be the silent partner while you are the face of Lumos. Has anything changed for you in regards to that?”

The empathy in her voice had YFN feeling comfortable. Comfortable enough that she could have said no, and Catherine would have accepted it without question.

“Nothing has changed on my end. I’m just very eager to get us onto a schedule where I’m not chasing my tail with interviews and events.” She chuckled. Catherine shared in her chuckle.

“Oh, I know. I’ve been hoping the exact same. It’s good to hear we’re on the same page, though. We’ll speak more tomorrow night. Until then – keep me posted on the hearing and anything you need at all, let me know.”

YFN and Jordan fell asleep on the couch, their feet overlapping under the blanket they shared as their heads were at opposite ends. She wasn’t sure how long she slept for, however she was woken by a warm kiss to the cheek and Lucy’s deep, comforting voice. “I’m here, little one. Everything’s okay.”

“Luce?” She mumbled, half asleep. She opened one eye, followed drearily by the other as she looked at her favourite person. Her expression was peaceful, which calmed the Australian.

She looked down at Jordan who was sitting up with Leah next to her, the two talking quietly. She looked back at Lucy.

“What happened?”

“It’s done, little one.”

She tried to prop herself up, and Lucy helped her, wrapping a strong arm around her waist to pull her up into a sitting position. “It took that long?”

“The incident happened in Spain, so we were delayed due to that, however someone pulled some strings for us.” Catherine. Lucy gave her a knowing look. “Without her, this would have been dragged out for weeks.”

“It’s done?”

She nodded as she reached out to stroke the yellowing bruises on her jaw. “Jail time for a period. Community service for the rest, as you didn’t want her to be stuck in there for the maximum time. Restraining orders for life. She won’t be attending any games in the future. And she apologised. It’s done.”

“She…apologised?”

“Mainly to me, but yes. She cried a lot.”

“That must have been hard…”

“Yes and no. I don’t like seeing someone upset, but she did hurt the person I love so… my empathy was not there for her. I’m just happy it’s all over.” She leant forward and gave her a soft kiss on the temple. “What did you two get up to, love?”

“We had dinner with Keira and Georgia,” Jordan said from across the couch.

Leah gave YFN a smile. She looked tired.

Lucy was caught off guard. “Oh?”

“It was great,” she reassured, putting her hand under the collar of her shirt, and on that strong collarbone of hers. “I did my couch interview with Keira after it.”

Lucy looked impressed, though like she had questions for when they were alone. She didn’t blame her.

“And?” Jordan prompted.

“Oh! And Lumos wants to host a public event with 10 female footballers in London this Friday or Saturday. Are you all free?”

“You know I am,” Lucy murmured, leaning her head against hers.

“I’ll be in town.” Leah answered.

“You already know I’m in.” Jordan agreed, looking at Leah. YFN hadn’t realised until just then that it must have been a while since they’d done something like that together in public.

“And I messaged Riddles, hoping to get Alexia if she’s back in town…”

“Mmn. I’m sure it’ll all be perfect. You’re good at the last minute organising,” Lucy teased.

She rolled her eyes. “And whose fault is that?”

She gave an innocent look. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. But I do wonder how the doctor went today? I have an email titled: ‘No funny business.’”

Jordan cackled. Actually cackled. YFN blushed, a little embarrassed and frustrated that she had to tell her. Lucy didn’t understand. Bless her, she was incredibly smart, though a lot less quick for these types of situations.

“Everything is healing well apart from my…ah…ribs. They’ve not been having the rest they should.”

“I believe he said they’ve been ‘thrown around a bit’…” Jordan offered.

Lucy clicked and gave a guilty look. Before she could speak, YFN jumped in, trying to distract her with ten different things to keep her mind away from limiting sex with her.

“But everything else is healing well… hoping to be out of the sling by the new year and the knee brace by Christmas. Also, I can officially walk.” She gave a proud smile. “No more looking for the wheelchair in Scotland, Luce. I’ll be the one-armed flamingo with the Australian flag.”

[coolcattime]

For the character ask: 2&8 Jordan, 3&7 Tom, 25 Ianite (or god of your choice)

Jordan

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I really like Jordan’s relationship with Andor. It’s genuinely nice to see him interacting nicely with someone who wants to be friends with him. Like Andor is by far my favourite of NPCs' canon interactions with Jordan (and yes, that includes with Ianite, because S1 they barely interact, S2 just NO, and I haven't seen Isles).

I like their friendship, it’s nice, and it’s nice to see Jordan get the interaction and friendship with a fellow Ianitee that he clearly wanted throughout S1.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

This might be a confusing one, but I don’t like when people remove Jordan’s “relationship” with Capsize. For a couple of clear things before I go into this, this is a very new feeling for me, I do like Jordan as a character, and I understand the want to get rid of this plot point. Hell, when I’m not focusing on canon, I also think it’s easier to get rid of this plot point, but with kinda universe canon plots…

I think how Jordan interacted with Capsize, and how he interacted with other people relating to Capsize, is the worst thing he did in Season 1. AND I also think removing that makes him so much less interesting. It’s just, it’s like a bad thing he did and I think it’s just a lot more interesting for him to actually have to learn, grow, and apologise for it than to remove his part of their fractured relationship.

Also, in general, I think there’s so much character conflict you can do, especially if you ship him and Tom (or even him and Dianite), that you kinda can’t if you remove his absolute obsession with a woman that does not like him, to the point of being actively aggressive towards other characters (*cough* he’s in the goddamn closet *cough*).

(I’ll be honest, maybe my opinion changed because of Danganronpa 2, and having very similar opinions about Kazuichi, but I really think there’s something there worth exploring rather than removing).

Tom

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

I think him disappearing for a lot of the plot in Season 2? Like it’s a little hard to pinpoint an exact moment (because I only ever watched Jordan’s POV, and in general don’t have a great memory for canon), but him kinda just disappearing throughout most of the Season 2 plot is not the most fun just in general for the character. It does not help that I don’t really remember when he disappears, just that it’s after Andor’s prison break, so like I genuinely don’t remember what he’s about for (like, it doesn’t really matter, I’ll put him in scenes he wasn’t present for, but it’s a little frustrating I guess).

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Generally, I like that a lot of the fandom content with Tom explores his relationships with other characters. Like, I think as a character, a lot of his best actions and moments come from his interactions with other characters, and seeing people in general explore that in the fandom is always really neat. (I feel like I should have more to say, but in general this is kinda like very much that I like seeing how people interrupt and explore his relationships with other characters. Like I think there’s something more to it, but I’m not really sure what it is.)

Ianite

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

So I’m going to answer this in relation to Season 1 Ianite, as I think she’s the most focused on.

My original opinion, first when Jordan just made her up on the spot, was “Damn you petty man, I love this.” I really like when people just decide to do things because they’re vaguely annoyed, and that is the entire reason Ianite exists. When she was actually shown to be real, I was like “Oh cool, a mystery.” I was very invested in the plot of Season 1, and genuinely did like the focus on Ianite.

Now, I kinda wish she had stayed more of a supporting character. This is kinda two fold, both in that the fandom focused a lot of their energy on Ianite (because they focused a lot of their energy onto Jordan), and also that the actual Season 1 Ianite I was interested in kinda wasn’t anything in S2. And now my opinion is both “I wish I saw more of this character” and “I wish this character got less focus so the other characters could have some” in a very odd way.

[sinterblackwell]

oscars 2022 (book ver.)

there were a lot of books i read this year, a majority of them ones i really enjoyed. even so, it wasn’t that difficult to put together my top ten favorite reads, but i felt very uncomfortable with not getting to talk about books outside that range that still affected me a great deal. so!! this list helps me with that!!

a booktuber (@/Tori Morrow; highly recommend watching their videos, especially if you’re a big fan of sci-fi/fantasy since that’s majorly what they read and talk about) introduced me to this end-of-year activity where i could talk about these books that still stood out to me, even if they didn’t make it to the top 10. i think having trouble wrangling a certain # of stories into a list when you’ve read up to 135 is pretty valid but yeah!!

let the 2022 oscars (book ver.) commence!!

warning: this post is really long :’)

best supporting actress:

- martha wolf from “self-made boys” by anna-marie mclemore

“People always find something wrong with how much or how little women are doing,” Martha said. “We don’t do as much as they think we should, we’re boring or frigid. If we do more than they think we should, we’re easy or fast. There’s no winning. So I kiss exactly as many or as few girls as i want.”

aka my gay awakening. while she’s not the most major side character in this great gatsby retelling, she still has her lines, and she still has a big effect on the story that jumps the gun at times. as sparse as her scenes were with nicolás and gatsby, when she did show up, she always threw me for a loop because i was crushing on her hard lol (still am). also her voice added to the overall message of the novel set during a time where living loud & lavish was the big move but if you were too loud or too honest, you were a pariah. all the rules & expectations are so muddled in their idiocy that even gatsby complains about it, and he’s the one who appears to live the most lavishly of them all!!

but yeah, martha’s character really stood out to me, and the conversations she had with nicolás specifically were phenomenal so i don’t care if she’s seen as more minor compared to daisy or jordan, she’s my supporting character.

best supporting actor:

- alim from “you made a fool of death with your beauty” by akwaeki emezi

“Imagine that, Feyi. We’re alive, and I love you.”

alim will forever go down in literary history as one of the best romantic heroes to date, and it’s all just in how sincere and beautiful his presence in this story is. the moment feyi first lays her eyes on him, there’s this immediate attraction, which just stirs up a lot of trouble and believe me, there is a big storm coming for sure. but alim’s presence in this story is like a steady hand through those rocky waves and he doesn’t just make feyi feel that rush of feeling alive, he makes her feel comfortable in just getting to be in the quiet of the storm, because she knows he’ll always be right there with her if she lets him.

the connection that he & feyi have together when it came to both of them experiencing grief over a lost partner is incredibly profound, and i just loved so much how in a story that was solely in feyi’s pov, we still got to learn so much about alim and see so much of him. the way his love language isn’t just cooking the most heavenly meals, but through his incredible way with words, and how natural and peaceful it feels having him by your side, he’s such a force to be reckoned with.

i wish i could see more of him & feyi, and i wish their romance could’ve gotten the attention it deserved by making it to the finals in the 2022 goodreads choice awards. it was a big big snub to me, but hopefully to heal some of the wounds, their story being mentioned on my part here gives some attention.

best cinematography:

- “city of speed” by alex london

Drakopolis was like one of those dolls that you opened to find a smaller doll inside, and then a smaller doll inside that one, and on and on. You could live your whole life in the city and still discover strange and terrifying new things inside it every day. It was unsettling, Abel thought, but also a little exciting. It was hard to be bored in Drakopolis.

my reading journey with the battle dragons series is one that feels so epic, and yet it also feels so lonely, because no one ever really talks about this middle grade series, and that breaks my heart.

this cyperpunk fantasy with racing dragons and powerful gangs and such immersive storytelling isn’t on a lot of people’s radar and that feels so wrong to me.

one of the best things about it, and especially with this second book here, is how vivid this world feels, how bright & gritty & expansive it is. this story only takes place in this single city called Drakopolis, but it has such a wide impact that it feels like you’re seeing so much of what the author has to offer. the underground races that are considered illegal, the glittering signs of the city and the black markets that sell a vast range of items—all of it so descriptive in this book here that i could see it so clearly in my head, and i loved it a lot.

i loved how cinematic the story felt, and so sweet, and so for that, that’s why i feel it best deserves the winning praise for this category here. hopefully in the future, more readers can see that as well.

best original screenplay:

- “dark room etiquette” by robin roe

If he’s alive, I’ll read his thoughts. If he’s dead, I’ll summon his ghost. Tell me, Daniel, what present do you want?

The big one.

this category speaks to a story that was crafted in a way that makes it stand out, its structure manipulated so as to mimic the story itself. for this book, the start of it felt so monotonous and as if the main character was living in a bubble that was fit to burst. it felt very reminscent of jake from “the taking of jake livingston” by ryan douglass, which garnered some mixed reviews because of how flat the main character read at the beginning. both ya, one horror & one thriller—what both roe & douglass did with these stories was they wrote their characters like that on purpose so that when the tone of the story did shift, when the characters were forced to react to what was happening to them and to those around them, you as the reader were confronted with their break in reality.

it was astonishing to witness how the authors crafted these characters’ surroundings as a nod to how it may have felt for both of them living in a society that acts so completely fake at times and demands conformity but then when there’s a shift, it’s as if the walls fall all around them.

“dark room etiquette” was such a phenomenal read that deserves so much more praise for its writing and the character work as we observe the three different stages of sader’s life that changes him fundamentally. the way he molds itself when the situation calls for it and is left misshapen because he doesn’t have any real sense of his own identity was just…something else, and it made the last quarter of the book so meaningful once he learned how to try & fit back inside himself. but first, he has to reckon with all the trauma he’s endured as other characters and their traumas are also given a spotlight.

best new author (debut or new to me):

- freydís moon

“It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” - “with a vengeance”

for this category, i’m cheating just a tad because one of this author’s works is present in my top 10, but i think when your new favorite authors from this year all have a place in your top 10 list, it goes to show how much they deserve to be considered for this category. the reason why i chose this one as the winner here is because i feel i don’t talk about this author nearly enough.

moon’s social media presence (freydísmoon on insta, freydis_moon on twitter) means the world to me as i watch them promote their writing and also open my eyes to a new genre of literature where erotica meets a holiness like no other, and their descriptions of worship as their characters reclaim their bodies for themselves completely takes your breath away. i feel an immense sentimentality for the fact that the characters of exodus 20:3 and with a vengeance are latine, and so the representation is even more powerful because the latine community have our own kind of relationships to the Catholic faith and how our identities can be disconnected from family.

each of moon’s books have such different tones but share similar threads that as a reader, is so completely beautiful because it’s such a versatile experience. with with a vengeance being the one with the most anger & violence, it’s amazing seeing moon release three kings a couple months after, a cozy fantasy set in a small seaside town that has its own power with the forces of magic and exploration of fertility. their writing is like complete chaos but it’s a welcome one that i’m so thankful to have found, and i’m really excited for their new release set to come in early february as i know it’ll be absolutely everything.

best ensemble cast:

- the characters of “fragile remedy” by maria ingrande mora

Keep going, Pixel. Keep going.

i have a very soft spot for this small group who are forced to live out in the Withers, a ravaged wasteland left abandoned after an illness swept through society and tore these characters down into drug-ridden spaces as those with much more power built their own utopia.

while the narrative of the story is mainly told through the eyes of nate, his little found family and the other characters he attaches himself to are bigger than life and make their own home in this dystopian society where it’s every life for themselves. the difference though, is that this group stick together, and in this broken society that leaves others high & dry, sticking together in a group is probably the smartest choice so as to not simply fade away.

there’s one character, specifically, in this ensemble, whose relationship with nate i absolutely adore, and it was such a heartbreaking dynamic that is so unconventional but is a product of how broken this society has gotten. alden & nate’s connection is very significant to me, and is one i’ll never forget; it pains me that not more readers know about these characters at all, but i’m just glad for now i discovered this story the way i did, which was completely by chance.

best book i haven’t read yet:

- “the midnight girls” by alicia jaskinska

i love this category because the pressure i feel to read this book is so strong with how quickly i knew it deserves this spot here.

i really really have to read this book soon. i had the perfect opportunity to read this story of monsters back in october for the halloween season, and if not then, then just reading it during the fall would’ve been fine. but no, now we’re in winter where currently the temperatures are below freezing in my area, and i am barely holding on. i’m certain that with zosia’s comfort in the cold and ice of winter, reading this book in january would be another good opportunity.

whenever i do read this story, i know it’ll be so fun, and so interesting as well because the writing i could already tell is beautiful as hell, and it’s so wicked these characters. i can already feel the anticipation for something guaranteed to be five stars by how good its premise is, so i just need to hop on quick.

best director:

- ryan la sala for “the honeys”

what i like about this category is that “best director” isn’t simply dedicated to an author who had the best writing or whatever. there were a lot of authors i met this year whose stories went in all different directions that took me to some extreme highs & lows, it was mind-numbing as hell. but what this category is really spoken for is when it comes to a certain type of writer who just really took the story to a whole new level that left you completely boggled.

originally, this category felt best directed towards tal bauer with “stars”, whose direction of the story was books in the making and because of that, it felt so much more epic than ever. but since i wanted to exclusively highlight some books that weren’t included in my top 10 favorite reads list, ryan la sala’s debut horror novel was the best contender for this position.

the writing in this ya is so surreal and deadly in its descriptions of an atmospheric setting glowing with light but that is rooted in strange visions and manipulative strings. it’s a compliment i don’t shut up about and never will because the fact that it was so surreal made the direction it went towards in its ending absolutely bonkers, and i still can’t quite wrap my head around it after the two months i’ve read it since.

what i can say is that i very much look forward to more of what this author has planned next in their writing career because it’s clear they have their own visions that on paper will blow readers’ minds, and i’m totally here for it.

best actress:

- mina rahman from “a show for two” by tashie bhuiyan (runner up: cherry neita from “the princess trap” by talia hibbert)

I wish for happiness in whatever form it might be.

tashie bhuiyan has quickly solidified herself to be one of my utmost favorite ya authors because of how much i absolutely adore her main characters. with only two books under her belt, bhuiyan has swept me away with not just some of the sweetest ya romances i’ve ever read, but also some of the most wonderful & hard-hitting narrators that i’ve met. karina from counting down with you meant so much to me when i was reading her story last year in 2021, and now this year i got to read mina’s, and it made me cry just as much as i did last year, if not a little more.

karina’s story filled me with a lot of anxiety because of how much pressure was building on her shoulders due to her desperate need to please her parents who have such high & unattainable expectations for her—and i say unattainable because it means it would cut away at karina’s happiness, and she would have to lose parts of herself in order to make them happy. for mina, she’s much more defiant with her parents, much more poised when it came to holding her head up high against her parents’ disgust of her attitude and just her presence in general. her defiance isn’t one that stems from acting like your usual stubborn & rebellious teenager, but rather one who’s had to grow up way too fast on her own and has had to fight to get what she wants no matter what. her parents have shamed her so much for her dreams and have tried to make her feel stupid for wanting to make it big in film and believing that she does have that chance. to see such a strong character try to beat back against those low expectations but then have moments where they still get so tired, it was incredibly difficult.

i think one of the hardest things about tashie bhuiyan’s stories up to this point is the very very toxic relationship that the main characters have with their parents. the pure shame & disappointment these adult figures hassle on their eldest daughters, even if it’s portrayed in different ways, it is such a heavy & emotional experience to read about. i’ve been made aware how it’s this portrayal that mixes up a lot of readers because of the stigma that it reinforces of how Muslim families interact. i can’t speak on the Muslim representation, i just really connected a lot to karina & mina, and i wished so much for their happiness because i believed so much in them as other characters believed in them, too—what was most important was seeing them get to believe in themselves and their aspirations, and it was a hard journey to get there. i feel very very protective of these characters, and this is one of those instances where i won’t stand for any backlash against them, especially mina, because i’m of the strong belief that they deserve none of it, and that is that on that.

the reason why i added cherry here from the princess trap as like the “runner up” is because she was just such a fun & sweet character that is partly what made my first talia hibbert book such a memorable experience. the way that she’s so confident in herself and her style is what draws the eye of other characters, especially ruben, and i was absolutely obsessed with how obsessed they were with her because she really is that character. her presence in the story was so mystifying but she wasn’t some mirage, this was all her, she was real & she was stunning as hell. she’s very relatable and she’s one of those fictional characters i wish i could have in my life because her voice was absolutely everything, and she’s someone i could genuinely look up to.

it was very important to me to include her in this category because of that.

best actor:

- amastan from “the perfect assassin” by k.a. doore (runner up: reid giordano from “fire season” by k.d. casey)

I choose to believe that your strong sense of justice will prevail among your kind and that you will emerge as their natural leader, even if I cannot believe in what you do.

the funny thing with this one is that at first, reid was immediately my first choice because he was everything!! he was such a brilliant main character who went through such a tough and honest character journey that was so well-developed and he’s still growing!!

but then i thought about amastan from the chronicles of ghadid series, and how my immense love for his voice in the story was enough for me to rate the first book a little higher than i would’ve if he wasn’t the main character. and you want to know something that still blows my mind?? amastan apparently didn’t even exist as a main character in the original draft of this series!!

so yeah, he’s someone that’s stuck with me a lot: and it’s partly because of how he was our first glimpse into this family of cousins who assassinate their targets for the better of their city. i loved his love for history & the way he challenges the idea of what a good assassin is supposed to emulate, and his character in general just hit a sweet spot in my brain that has now had me latch myself to him, and to this world he lives in that made my entire chronicles of ghadid experience such an immersive read.

he has his morals and he wants to believe in the better of others, but he’s still really strict when it comes to crossing that line, and that makes him an absolutely wonderful mentor, as we see in book two. i was really happy to see his pov again in the final book, even if it was pretty brief, but he still had a larger than life role in my heart and in this series. i am very thrilled that it took a random bookstagram post to have given me the opportunity to meet him in the first place.

.

.

.

and that is a wrap!!

[wajjs]

I posted 5,835 times in 2022

That's 459 more posts than 2021!

975 posts created (17%)

4,860 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bashful-berry

@kiseiakhun

@wellthatjusthappend

@puppetmaster55

@yeats-nana

I tagged 3,208 of my posts in 2022

Only 45% of my posts had no tags

#dc - 438 posts

#hal jordan - 426 posts

#blob post - 390 posts

#green lantern - 297 posts

#blob talks - 255 posts

#mdzs - 130 posts

#the untamed - 112 posts

#kyle rayner - 106 posts

#anonblob - 102 posts

#jason todd - 91 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#re that issue with the not subtle white saviour/white colonialism trope in which guy is stranded on an alien planet and he's gotta be like.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

pov: your fave isn't from the batfam

891 notes - Posted April 26, 2022

#4

I have a question and it's what are the feelings you're having about the movie because it seems pretty intense 👀

Okay so to be 100% honest, at first I didn't think it was going to be as moving and heartfelt as it is.

Not only does the cast give AMAZING PERFORMANCES, literally everyone is EXTREMELY GREAT, the cinematography and the music score are just. mind-blowing. And I'm not using that word lightly.

As someone who does NOT like current Batman stories, this film left me in love with the character. Honestly. YES, it's still violent and gritty like all modern hero movies are, but it is also HOPEFUL AND HEARTFELT. It truly is a love letter to Bruce / Batman and to Gotham, and to the relationship Bruce has with Gotham.

The script just gets who Batman is supposed to be. It gets Batman, it gets Gotham and the complicated relationship between the two. The undercurrent of hope and self realization is what makes it so moving and finally a good depiction of the character that's not all about being edgy.

Yes, it's 3 hours long. The good thing about it is that the movie isn't rushed and the plot has time to develop beautifully. It's also a detective story. You have Bruce following Riddler's clues and trying to solve the case. It's less about the brutish violence and more about the intellectual part. The fight scenes are sooo well choreographed. He's not invincible. He's not infallible. Just. JUST. EVERYONE WHO LIKES BATMAN EVEN A LITTLE SHOULD WATCH THIS FILM.

1,039 notes - Posted March 3, 2022

#3

Variant cover for TASK FORCE Z #12

2,169 notes - Posted June 17, 2022

#2

Cover for TASK FORCE Z #12

2,860 notes - Posted June 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

sleepy tired but coffee machine at work can make hot cock so I'm surviving

5,995 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[imaginemyreality03]

🌿🔨It’s never too late in life to discover who you are🔨🌿

🛑 SPOILERS AHEAD 🛑

Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail- Ashley Herring Blake

Read: March 26 -> April 3, 2024

BRA Score: 73/100

Favorite Quote: “When you’re ready to talk, I’d like to listen.” -Isabel Parker-Green, Pg 356

Abbreviations: AHB- Ashley Herring Blake, DGDC: Delilah Green Doesn’t Care (the first book in this universe), APDF: Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail.

~~~~~~~~~~

Book Gist: Astrid Parker is trying to hold on to the one part of her life that hasn’t fallen apart in the last year: her interior design business. She gets hired to design the semi-famous Everwood Inn for their feature episode of Innside America, it’s a chance she can’t pass up. But of course, the whole thing has to go awry from the start, when she screams at a woman for spilling coffee on her ivory dress her first morning on the job… and that woman turns out to not only be her lead carpenter (and number one collaborator) but also an Everwood herself. Talk about starting off on the wrong foot. Now this project is a task of survival: get back in the good grace of Jordan Everwood, succeed at this redesign to keep her business afloat, and try not to have any sexuality crises along the way. She is only partially successful here.

Tags: Enemies/Rivals to Lovers, Sapphic, Adult Romance, Smut, Coming Out in Adulthood, Third Act Breakup, Messy Exes, internalized homophobia (ish).

~~~~~~~~~~

Overall Review:

Pre-Read:

I tried to read this when it came out, and I made it like half way through before I put it down and just, forgot to pick it up again. I didn’t mean to DNF but it was not very encouraging to continue. It felt slow, I couldn’t feel the chemistry between Astrid and Jordan, and I still really didn’t like Astrid because of her in DGDC. This time around, I discovered that if I had continued reading literally 4 more pages, I would have finished the book that first time around, because it finally sold Jordan and Astrid to me at that point.

Astrid:

First impressions aside, I don’t think I was ever gonna LOVE this book, because I do have a general dislike for Astrid, both for who she is and how she was around Delilah (they are both at fault for their relationship, but I read a book in Delilah’s POV first, and Astrid was an ass for no reason so many times). That being said, while I would not be friends with her IRL, from a reader/writer perspective, she is a fantastic character. She is deeply flawed and actively acknowledges many of those flaws. She works to do better and her growth through this book is truly admirable. Watching her journey in trying to come out and to unlearn the habits she didn’t even know she had due to her upbringing, and all of her own thoughts she had to challenge in order to find her happiness… I am incredibly proud of her, she is a great main character. Still not gonna choose to spend any free time with her, but she served her purpose well in this book.

Jordan:

Jordan, I am obsessed with. I think the tarot thing wasn’t really made to fit. I think AHB was just really determined to include it, but don’t give Jordan enough connection in her backstory or personality to defend how invested she is in this tarot deck. We just know she bought it after Meredith left her, but we don’t know if Jordan had any prior interest in Tarot or anything similar, like astrology. It felt a bit forced, but other than that, I really did enjoy her. She’s brash and excitable and sarcastic and she’s on this journey of rediscovery too that is really fun to watch.

Meredith should just… move to somewhere international so they never have to see each other again, because while she’s valid to want a change in her life, she completely disregarded everything her wife did for her and everything that she felt for the sake of her “personal reawakening and need to find her destiny”. It was disrespectful of her relationship and of Jordan as a person. So, she can leave. You don’t get an I-had-cancer get-out-of-jail free card for being that much of an asshole.

Cast:

I wanted more of the Bright Falls cast tbh. Especially really defining the way the group works with Delilah in the mix, and Josh back for good. I wanted more Josh being subtly bullied and tested for his promise to stay and be around. I felt like it was way too quiet, when all Astrid had outside of work was her friends, but there was no routinely seeing each other, or weekly get together. There were a handful of group outings and one event. I needed a bigger fix than that. But seeing how Delilah filled in a space they were missing was so beautiful. Claire kinda lost all her personality, but she also had like 6 minutes of screen time in bookish terms, so I’m not necessarily surprised that’s what happened.

Plot:

The plot overall and the main conflict wasn’t super convincing for me. I feel like there wasn’t that much buildup of the risks involved for Astrid and Jordan if this doesn’t go well. But also, I feel like there hasn’t ever really been a risk of this not working out. There weren’t any actual opportunities or reasons to watch for presented to the readers about what could happen that would lead to the Reno failing, or the episode not airing. I knew they were worried, but i was never really worried for them. It just didn’t have the weight it needed to in my opinion. And it was so drawn out, but not in a slow burn kind of way, in a “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel about this lady, and I’m so involved in my own issues I’m just gonna ignore this weird feeling and move on” kind of way. There wasn’t obvious chemistry to start, just conflict.

Other Comments:

What also probably didn’t help my perception of this book was some of the reviews I read on here before I started it (and I want to be explicitly clear that this is in no way the fault of any other poster or creator and I am in no way criticizing their opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and is allowed to put that on the internet. If I didn’t want to hear it, I wouldn’t read it. This is entirely on me).

A few people posted reviews about why they didn’t like AHB’s writing, and pointed out parts of her writing style and how she develops and includes her queer characters, and especially how she leans into stereotypes and performative allyship.

That’s a rough summary, I can’t remember exactly what was said. But those were the thoughts I had in my head while I was reading, and it did make me very sad, because there was a lot of Delilah and Claire from DGDC that I really related with and I felt very connected to the way that these characters were presented in that story. Reading APDF, I could identify a few points that could be interpreted as this kind of thing, but I didn’t feel that they were as a big a deal, I guess. So that also turned me off from the book at the start, so maybe (ironically) this book was doomed to be a disappointment for me.

All in all, it was a good book. Maybe not worth a reread, but I can’t say I didn’t enjoy some of it. 😐

[pretend-writer]

Down Below (Chapter 78)

Summary: After being sent down on Earth with the other prisoners from the Ark, Y/N Reyes faces series of events and learns about survival. With new things happening around her, she is now starting a new chapter in her life.

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader, John Murphy x reader, Raven Reyes x sister!reader

Word Count: 2k words

Warning: swearing, mention of death and violence

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

Couple of McCreary's criminals stayed behind with the guards, with a help of Indra watching over them. Meanwhile, I've decided to interrupt Russell with a surprise visit.

I insisted I'd go alone, the less people the better especially knowing that Russell wasn't quite the violent type; There was no way he’d lay his hands on me, I had no worries about him at all. He had killed Clarke because of his greed, I highly doubt that he'd kill more of us out of anger.

Some people disagreed with me, not surprised. Of course Bellamy, Josephine and Murphy wanted to come with me, Jordan wished to tag along too. Delilah being sacrificed for the prime hit him pretty hard, I didn't blame him for wanting to confront him.

As we barged into the lab, we were greeted with a startled look on all of their faces. Simone and Emori instantly looked upset, Abby looked like she was dying for her next fix.

'How in the hell did you guys escape?' Simone cursed, stepping up in front of me.

'It's not very hard, you know. Now would you guys be so kind and give us back the blood you made.' Murphy took out his hand, motioning them to hand it over.

Approaching fast, Emori reached for John's hand. 'John, what are you doing?'

'We can't let them continue to deceive and kill their innocent people, it's not right. Now they got us involved too.'

'Just hand us the damn blood.' I walked over to Simone that had it in her hands, 'Haven't you guys lived enough already?'

Simone chuckled, 'You don't get it do you?'

'What, killing people thinking their sacrificing themselves to false Gods? Of course I don't get it, I'm not a homicidal bitch like you.'

She reached her hand out, smacking my cheek while holding the blood in her other hand. I couldn't react and get her back as Bellamy was quicker than me, grabbing Simone's collar. 'Get your fucking hands off of her.'

'Let go of my wife!' Russell screamed at Bellamy, trying to reach over her but was suddenly distracted by Murphy.

He had snatched the blood off of Simone's hand, laughing as he hugged it in his arms. 'You guys are awfully slow.'

'Do you really think that's a smart move, Murphy?' Russell rolled his eyes. 'One word and the guards will storm in here and shoot you without a warning.'

'You shoot me, I drop this bad boy and the blood is destroyed. You really want to do this Russell?'

He huffed, turned to look at Emori and back to John. 'You fucked everything up, you know? I trusted Emori when she said you were with us.'

'That's your own fault for trusting her, I never agreed to this. I honestly just want you dead.'

'What do you guys want from this anyway? Why do you care what our community is doing? These people believe in us, believe that the Primes store peace and prosperity to Sanctum.'

How can that come out of Simone's mouth? Saying that their community chose to sacrifice their lives for a God that they've made up? 'They sacrifice themselves because they believe in the lies you told them. I care because you're killing your own people.'

'Can we just compromise? Agree to disagree and live on with our lives as we did these past few days?' Josephine tried to be the middle of man of this, siding with her family as well us siding with us.

'I thought I made a deal to compromise with Russell but he chose to betray me instead.' I looked at Josephine, understanding where she was coming from but hoping that she will finally realize that what her family has been doing is completely wrong. 'This outcome is all your father's fault. I didn't want any of this to happen.'

'Whatever happens to me and my people are none of your damn business! What we do does not concern you at all!' Simone raised her voice at me, veins tracing down her face as she seemed angry as ever.

'Now that you're getting us involved, it certainly is. We don't have to make these stupid blood for you, you know that right?'

Murphy's POV;

Y/N and Simone have been yelling at each other for quite sometime now, I'd want to help her but I wasn't in the position to defend her. Besides, she could handle herself well.

Simone's facial expression changed as she heard the words come out of Y/N's mouth, it was as if she had triggered her.

'I've had enough of your attitude already.' Simone screamed as she charged at Y/N, punching her in her stomach.

Before I was able to jump in to help, Y/N grabbed her arm, twisting it to the opposite direction that had Simone scream even louder. Turning her whole body around, she then kicked her back which had her falling next to Russell.

As Simone fell to the ground, she breathed. 'What happened to no violence?'

'You fucking punched me in the gut, I'm not just going to stand there.'

Just as I was about to make a snarky comment at Simone, Abby had snatched the blood from my hand. I quickly turned to her, 'What are you doing?'

Abby wasn't listening and instead ran out the lab. All of us trailed her from behind, ending up next to the airlock chamber. She had locked herself in the chamber, attempting to float herself and the nightblood with her.

Her hand was on the lever, her other arm tightly holding onto the nightblood. Y/N approached closer to her, trying convince her from the other side of the airlock. 'Abby, let's rethink this okay?'

'Don't fucking tell me what to do!' Abby yelled, tears running down her cheeks. 'Why do you care anyway, they lose the blood and you get to see me float myself. Win-win situation for you, I'd say.'

Y/N huffed, shaking her head. 'Don't be fucking stupid. I don't agree with you nor did I enjoy being threatened by you at the bunker but I don't want you dead, Abby.'

'I've lost everything, Y/N!' Abby started to sob, 'Russell killed my daughter, Marcus left me. I have nothing left, what do you know about loss?'

'We've all lost something, Abby.' I approached her also, standing next to Y/N. 'You guys sent us down to Earth when we were only kids, when we barely understood right from wrong. A lot of us lost parents, not that I really cared but some do. I understand that you're angry and frustrated but don't tell us we don't know how you're feeling.'

Y/N had never fully told me what happened down at the bunker, all I know is that Abby had done something to her, something that she will never forgive her for. She never told me the whole story, said that she wanted to forget everything because it was so awful what happened.

Even with all the altercation between her and Abby, Y/N was still trying to stop her from floating herself out of the airlock. I know how much the bunker had messed her up, I was honestly surprised that she was willing to help Abby.

‘Why are you trying so hard to help me? I’m the one that’s responsible for your misery right?’ Abby looked straight into Y/N’s eyes.

‘Like I said, I don't want you dead. I'll never forget what happened but we can always work our way to forgive. We’ve all worked our way through hell, we can get through this too.’

I admire Y/N’s strength, which are one of the reasons why I loved her so much. Watching her fight for Abby made me feel stupid about letting her go, being dumb enough to not say I love you back to her.

Abby nodded her head, ‘You’re right Y/N. You’re right. I’m sorry.’

She opened the airlock and slowly walking out as Y/N rubbed her hand on Abby’s back, trying to comfort her while she continued to sob.

'Maybe it's time to end all this, dad. We've done enough already.' Josephine said, surprisingly. Perhaps all of this have overwhelmed her, finally understanding that it wasn't worth the pain they were causing.

Russell inhaled dramatically, rolling his eyes as everyone had their eyes on Y/N and Abby. ‘Don't be a fool, Josie. It's never over.'

'If that's how you feel, so be it.’ Abby suddenly shoved Y/N to the side, pulling Simone from behind her and yanking her into the airlock chamber with her. Bellamy, having the faster instinct, caught Y/N before she fell to the ground.

‘Let me out, Russell! Help me, please!’ Simone banged on the glass from the other side as Abby locked the chamber again. ‘Anybody, help me out please!’

‘Simone!’ Russell looked at Bellamy, Jordan and then to me, panic all over his eyes as he tried to look for help. ‘Please get my wife out of there.’

Abby shook her head, ‘It’s too late now.’

Y/N pushed Bellamy’s arms out of her way, running towards the airlock as she screamed. ‘Abby, don-’

She was too late, Abby had pulled the lever as if she was committed to do so. Abby seemed as though she was ready to float herself, I doubt that Y/N would've convinced herself otherwise.

Bellamy pressed the button to close the airlock, comforting Y/N as she looked distraught. It was selfish of me to feel jealousy towards Bellamy, when Y/N needed someone to lean on when one of our people had died tragically. I couldn’t help it, I was mad at myself for fucking everything up.

Josephine and Russell on the other hand was emotionless, Simone was gone faster than the snap of a finger. They’ve probably haven’t gotten the grasp of any of this, since they were not familiar with the floating method.

‘What... did you guys do...’ Russell mumbled, staring into space as if he was staring at a ghost.

‘Seems like Abby took your wife for taking her own daughter away from her. Fair trade I should say.’ Jordan said angrily. I didn’t think he had it in him to say such harsh words, even though we all know we were all thinking the same thing.

Josephine shook her head. ‘We did a shitty thing, I know. But was that really fair? How dare you say that, she murdered my mother!’

‘Just how you murdered our friend! Just as how you murdered Delilah, she didn’t know the whole truth about what she was sacrificing herself for!’ Jordan took a step toward Josephine, screaming his lungs out. ‘Your family has been doing this for years, there’s no excuse for that!’

A sudden loud bang echoed, Jordan falling hard onto the floor without saying another word. Josephine screamed, looking at her father with a gun in his hand which was aimed towards Jordan.

Josephine froze into place as the rest of us ran towards Jordan to see if he was alright, but it was too late once again. He was already bleeding to death, bullet going straight through his chest.

'None of you guys move or I will shoot again.'

Everything had clicked; I really should've had killed Russell when I had the chance. I could've protected Jordan, I bet Monty was ashamed of me and all of us that it ended up being this way.

Or maybe Y/N was right, if we just accepted the trade, no one would end up getting hurt. Sure, Russell would still live but he wouldn't be an issue as long as he stayed in Sanctum.

None of this would've happened if I'd just stopped Emori from this, while we were marching back to the ship. I could've said something before we left Sanctum. There were so many chances where I could've stopped this and I did nothing.

And now Russell is unpredictable, all hell broke loose and he had gone insane. His lover was gone, forever and there was no going back. Abby and Jordan were gone and we might lose more of our people, even lose the love of my life because of my stupid choice.

[redstainedsocks]

Back to the beginning

So I wanted some context on what had happened to Zach in the first place and also to show some of the differences pre- and post- captivity and lo, another POV character was born.

Warnings: violence, fight scene, knife mention, taser, injuries, kidnapping on video, torture mention, scared whumpee, aftermath of captivity, stress/trauma responses.

Part 1, part 2

Sasha had watched the security footage many times. Possibly hundreds. At first looking for clues for a way to find Zach after he’d been grabbed, then later out of guilt, and then later still out of a desire to see him again at his best—whole and fighting and fierce.

They had all thought it would be the last time they’d see him alive. They’d been proven wrong when two videos and a couple of dozen photos had been sent on a memory card to their headquarters. Footage of Zach bleeding and blurry and suffering. He’d been tortured, clearly. The extent of the damage was impossible to tell but it didn’t look good.

It was his eyes in those pictures which had haunted Sasha—they’d been lifeless, empty of joy. He looked like a man who believed there was nothing good left to experience. And then they’d found his body—or, so they’d thought.

That was two years and three months ago, and now he’d been found, alive but littered with injuries, and he was on his way here after three days in hospital.

Sasha couldn’t say why, in her nervous anticipation, she opened the window and played the video again. It seemed to happen without her deciding to do it, some kind of ingrained response to her worry. There was no sound but in Sasha’s mind it played with background static. The black and white footage was grainy, but she’d seen it so many times by now that it looked crystal clear to her eyes.

She’d been Zach’s field partner that day and she’d let him down. They’d come up against a wall of tear gas and retreated; it was an ambush no doubt about it. The first sight of Zach on the footage was him stumbling backwards, arm flung out. The inside of the building wasn’t caught on the CCTV, she knew they’d left out of a side door but that was where her memory ended. Someone had been waiting, taken her down with one swift blow to the back of the neck. The last glimpses of Zach on that day were here, while she had lain unconscious just out of view, mere feet away.

Zach was clearly fighting someone, his back was to the camera but he jolted, parried and blocked with an assailant just off-screen. His weapon had been knocked aside and he fought empty handed for a drawn out series of blows and strikes back. There was one long, agonising minute where he stumbled out of view of the cameras before he reappeared with a small knife in hand. Probably the one from his own boot but they had never been able to verify that.

He slashed and jumped back, his instincts and training were strong and there was no reason to believe he couldn’t hold his own in a one-on-one fight. He circled his opponent and faded into the shadows to the right of the screen, and came back with speed, arm raised, ready to strike. The person he fought was in range of the camera by that point—masked and unidentifiable—and they grappled for a long moment, until Zach was thrust aside. He found his feet easily enough, caught his balance, and blocked two hits to the face but took one to the stomach. He doubled over, the footage wobbled, static blurred the screen for a second.

As Zach straightened the last time Sasha held her breath. She leaned in closer to the monitor knowing what was coming.

Zach stumbled forward with a sudden jerk, his arm hanging limply and his knife dropped out of shot while he doubled over. He took a harsh blow to the face and swung around, going down hard on one knee. Even after all this time Sasha still winced. She could see the bolt of the crossbow glinting where it protruded from his shoulder even in the lowlight film.

She had a burst of pride, like always, as Zach clawed back to his feet. He blocked another punch that should have sent him sprawling, kicked away the knife that he’d dropped so it couldn’t be used against him, and faced his attacker once more. Her stomach flipped as the end of the altercation drew near. There was a short grapple and the bolt in his shoulder was grabbed and yanked on, and Zach threw his head back in what could only have been a howl of pain.

Once Zach was shoved to the ground the second attacker appeared, and he tried to get up only to be tased into a twitching, helpless tangle of limbs on the ground. Sasha watched with a sense of righteous anger burn through her, it was worse now that she knew this brutal fight didn’t only lead to weeks of pain and a messy death for Zach… but years of lost time, where he could have been subjected to almost anything. Knowing now that it only got worse for him made her sick.

He snarled at them, bared his teeth, tried valiantly to get back on his feet and keep fighting and only went still when they tased him a second time—paralysed and possibly unconscious. She watched them rip off his helmet, his arm bracers, his Kevlar vest, all of it discarded onto the tarmac beside where he lay. The two attackers were brutal, landing kicks and slapping Zach around the face.

Sasha sped up the footage, watching at two times the speed as one of the attackers made a brief call, a van pulled up—license plate obscured—and they dragged Zach into it. There was only a dark grey puddle that Sasha knew to be blood left behind. She stopped, closed the program, and rubbed at her eyes.

She knew what came next, she didn’t need to see it. Her team arriving too late, the ambulance that was called to assist her, the weeks of sleepless nights and fruitless searching. She pulled her hair out of her braid to plait it again with practiced ease, a way to calm her nerves. She’d lived with her shortcomings that day, made as much peace as she could knowing she wasn’t the only one to blame. The entire mission had been compromised and she only played one small part in the turn of events. It still kept her up at night though, it still ate away at her confidence at her ability to do her job—though she would never tell anyone that.

And today… she was going to look the man she let down in the eye. The man who had been through hell and back, the man she should have helped to protect, should have been fighting side by side with. How would he react? Did he hold resentment? Would he rather not see her?

For that matter, it was possible he would rather not see any of them, but the team was the only safe place he thought he could gp?

The message came that the vehicle was only a few minutes away and Sasha stood and smoothed down her shirt, grabbed her jacket and put it on, if only for something to hold on to if she needed to ground herself. Best to face it head on and get it over with. Better to know. She’d had enough years of thinking the worst.

She wasn’t the only one who decided to be part of a welcoming committee and they met the convoy of vehicles in the underground car park below their current office headquarters, and came out of the lift just as the cars pulled to a stop. The windows were blacked out and she waited anxiously next to Lacey and Jordan as their old leader, Emit Bryson climbed out of the first car with his assistant in tow. Bryson looked tired, his frown lines looked deeper than usual on his dark skin and shadows blurred under his eyes, but he had a bounce in his step that Sasha didn’t think she’d seen since Zach was taken. He caught her eye and nodded, smoothing down his wool coat with one hand while the other loosened his tie and top button. His walking stick was, for the moment, tucked under his arm and out of use.

Archer jumped out of the second car and helped to guide a tense man out after him; a man who shrank in on himself trying to look smaller than he was, and it took Sasha a second to put the pieces together. That was Zach. He had a blindfold over his eyes and was utterly still when Archer let go of his hands. The blindfold was a necessity to protect their new location until Zach could be confirmed to be uncompromised and fit to know and protect their secrets once again. It still seemed cruel when she thought about how untethered Zach must feel.

Archer leaned in and spoke to Zach, and Zach slowly reached up and pulled away the sleep mask that had doubled as a blindfold. His eyes were brightly alert, flicking quickly from place to place, and Sasha could only guess at how many times he’d had to assess danger while completely helpless before it.

Besides the rise and fall of his breath that rocked him back and forth he was frozen in place when he wasn’t being guided to move. His movements were jerky and so unlike the vibrant man she knew before. Zach was nearly always doing something with his body- tapping his foot or fingers and he was fluid and smooth, almost dancer-like when he moved, his posture relaxed and easy, unless he was alert out in the field. Which she guessed, in a way, made sense. He’d gone out on a mission it had never ended, he’d never got to come home. This was what years of being unable to relax, unable to rest, probably did to a person.

It turned her stomach, and made the whole thing seem suddenly more real—the stuff of nightmares come to life.

Bryson strode forward and gestured for Zach and Archer to follow. Sasha turned and locked eyes with Jordan and Lacey in turn, seeing her own shock mirrored on their faces. As much as they’d tried to prepare themselves, seeing Zach like this was never going to be easy.

Lacey recovered first and stepped forward first, raising her hand and offering a wide smile. “Hey, we all came down to see you, I hope that’s alright. Way to be overwhelming right?” she laughed breezily, breaking the tension as she shoved her hands in her pockets with a shrug. “We just wanted to welcome you home, well, back.”

Zach latched on to each person who spoke, his attention zeroed in on whoever was moving and addressing him like his life depended on it.

“You all know each other well enough, I think Zach will be able to lead the way in how comfortable he feels able to talk to you all, and how soon,” Bryson said.

Zach’s eyes widened, and he licked his lips with obvious nervous energy. Sasha wanted to reach out and pat him on the shoulder, say something, anything. Offer comfort. What comfort could she have to offer?

“I can… yes? Hi. Hi, all of you.” He glanced around the sea of faces but Sasha was fairly sure he didn’t actually see any of them, not really. Zach’s voice shook but he smiled briefly, a flash of upturned lips, and then looked to Archer for something Sasha couldn’t name.

“It’s been a long day, long… lots of days. Let’s get upstairs first and then we can all say our hellos and I miss yous and all of that. No reason to rush, we have time,” Archer said, smoothing over the awkwardness. He muscled forward with his large frame to call the lift down and Zach stuck close on his heels, close enough to bump with his elbow though Sasha noted that he carefully kept his body from touching. “I could really go for some coffee, dunno about anyone else.”

“I think some refreshments and a good sit down will be in order, yes,” Bryson replied. “Did anyone buy more of my favourite blend yet?”

Jordan, with his smooth voice and easy grace, answered. “Of course, what do you take us for? We wouldn’t let you go without it two visits in a row. I think someone made a run out for Zach’s favourite tea too, so we have the basics covered.” He winked at Zach and Zach blushed.

The lift pinged open behind her and Sasha moved aside to let everyone through, Zach’s gaze landed on her and he winced, she watched him swallow and carefully fold his arms across his chest. Her heart withered, desperately sad, furious all over again… until he raised three fingers from his elbow and tilted half his mouth up into a smile.

She smiled back broadly, nodded at him, and he melted into Archer’s side looking positively exhausted.

Sasha had no idea what any of it meant, or where his head was at, but the fact that he hadn’t yelled or dismissed her or cried… that was better than her worst fears. Maybe it would be alright? There were too many of them to fit in the lift, the passengers from the cars took up all the space and Sasha, Jordan, and Lacey waved them off. They could have waited for a second lift, but none of them wanted to stand around awkwardly waiting. There was too much nervous energy between them, so they took to the stairs instead.  It was four flights up to their main office, and if she thought the time for useless wondering about what had happened to her friend was over—well, she had ninety-six stairs and several painful days ahead to ponder it more.

[Taglist: @haro-whumps, @whumpthisway let me know if you’d like to be added or removed]

[wanderingpages]

Version 1

All Human, Dark AU (Part 7). You don’t name your livestock; they’re easier to kill that way. Cardan has a job, getting information out of young college student, Jude. But getting information means getting close but how close can he get if at any given moment, he can be given the order to kill her?

Trigger Warnings: Crude language, Drugs, Sex, Murder/Talks of murder, Sexual/Physical Assault.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, ∞ Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

∞

Cardan’s POV

Jude’s got a thing for cherries, I learn. She had ordered a bowl of the maraschino ones meant for the milkshakes they serve later in the day. She also ordered two different stacks of pancakes – regular buttermilk and blueberry – and a plate of bacon. I’d say she’s trying to run a bill, but she also hasn’t really eaten in two and a half days. She sips at her orange juice, I know she hates it, especially with pulp, but she’s drinking it to prove a point, I suppose.

She takes a cherry by the stem and sucks at the sweet liquid coating the bright fruit before popping it out of her mouth. I watch her tongue dart out to lick at her bottom lip and my fists tighten on the cutlery I have in each hand. Suddenly I’m wanting way more of whatever bullshit mess of substances Ghost had poured into the flask I had stashed in Jude’s bag. Her brows crease as if she’s in thought and she very absently licks at the cherry before tugging it off the stem and rolling it against her cheek like it’s a hard candy.

“What are you thinking?”

She shakes her head, coming out of her thoughts and focuses on me. If I thought they looked golden last night under the glow of the table lamp, the sun shines on her eyes like a goddamn beacon. “You wouldn’t care,” she tells me.

“What I’d do to be swimming in your cerebrum, right about now.” Anything not to be thinking about the reality of us. While Jude had been out cold, Valerian had pulled me aside to tell me what he’s found during his clean up at Jude’s. Who he’s found. A quick background check from Ghost only confirmed that too many coincidences can only mean this has been a long game in the making.

Jude’s lips twitch but she fights the smile. “I could say the same about you,” she mumbles, finally chewing the cherry in her mouth. Her fingers immediately grabs at another stem from the bowl and I’m not sure I can watch her molest more fruit this early in the day.

“You don’t want to know what I’m thinking. I don’t think you’re old enough.”

“Eighteen is just two weeks away,” she muses and that throws me way the fuck off. I do a quick mental calculation of her birthday and yeah, she’s less than two weeks from her eighteenth.

“Fuck,” I say, unable to hold back the breath that escapes me. “This is fucked.”

“What is?”

I’m too honest when I tell her, “You’re too young for this shit. All of it.”

She wrinkles her nose like she always does and it bewitches the hell out of me like it always does. “Are you less inclined to kill me because I’m not eighteen yet?” I’m less inclined to do a hell of a lot more than that because she’s not eighteen yet, but that isn’t what stunts me.

“You shouldn’t have a bounty on your head. Shouldn’t be caught up in all of this.”

Jude rolls her eyes and I get it before she says anything. Pot, kettle, black and all that. But it feels different. “And how old are you that your so stunned about the cruelties of life and how the bitch cares not of youth when she hands us our fates?”

She manages to amuse me and I have to stop myself from smiling. “You should write fortune cookies.”

“If I make it past tomorrow, I guess I’ll think about it.” And then she tongues another cherry.

I close my eyes and breathe deeply through my nose. “23,” I tell her.

“Like Jordans.”

My eyes snap open, “What?”

She blushes, “can I claim still being high off of whatever Valerian gave me? Which,” she points out, literally pointing at me with the hand still dangling the cherry, “is what I’d been thinking about. What the hell did he give me and should I worry about withdrawal… symptoms?” Jude’s words slow down and her brows furrow again.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Withdrawal symptoms…” and softer, she says, “Dad…did that.” She’s in her head now, remembering something she probably shouldn’t have, triggered a memory she’s either repressed from her own free will or the will of her father’s. She glances down and I catch her wrist. She looks back at me startled, then hesitates before saying, “I’ve seen him, I think… a long time ago…” her eyes go unfocused as she recalls this, “I can’t remember who. She was in our basement. We weren’t allowed to go down there. Hell, he’s built catacombs under there. But I was young, very curious. I got lost until I found Dad standing in a room with a woman. She looked so old, very scary… this had to have been before mom died,” she talks to herself now, but I hold her wrist tighter.

“Why? How can you tell,” I probe. If her mother died when Jude had only been eight, this memory is from a time before that.

“Dad didn’t resent us much,” she says but it sounds off like she doesn’t trust her own confession. She shakes her head, “I was so scared, watching the woman. She was tied down, but she wasn’t really fighting it – I think she had been begging to stay. Because Dad had been supplying her with something. Heroine? It was in a needle. Dad was saying he’d let her have it if she told him where something was…or someone?” Jude shakes her head, “I guess in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that important currently. I was just trying to say, he got her addicted to something.” She frowns, her voice far off, then she says my name and something in my chest tightens. “Cardan, I don’t want to be like that.”

“You won’t,” I assure her softly. “It was medical grade morphine and some valium. I think he crushed up two extra strength Tylenol, too.” She relaxes but only so much. I raise her wrist and tug the cherry into my mouth and she looks startled as if she’d forgotten she was holding on to it, forgotten I was holding on to her. Around the bite, I hesitate to ask, “What happened next?”

Her free hand rubs at her temple, “I don’t really remember. Dad found me – I was no sleuth, but he wasn’t angry. I think after Mom’s death, if that had happened, he would have punished me somehow – but he didn’t then, he had picked me up and carried me to my room, told me she was an evil witch or something fantastical like that. Told me if I wasn’t a good little girl, I’d end up just like her.” I don’t want to tell her she’s viewing this with rose colored glasses on because she was a child and no kid should ever have to go through the shit we both did, but even I can read between the lines. Her dad wanted her to see. No way he couldn’t have known she was there. Just another boogie monster to keep her in line.

Her eyes widen, “What did you just say?” I frown, realizing I’ve said that out loud. Before I can respond, she says, “No, you’re right. Another boogie monster. He showed us a lot of them.” She shivers and my body tenses, thinking of all the horrible people Jude’s father showed to his daughters, just so they’d stay in check. It reminds me of my foster parents, except where Jude’s dad made sure the harm was only mental, Asha never tried to stop her or her husband’s dealers from touching me, hurting me. Most of the time, they abdicated for it – easier way to get their fix of whatever crack without paying. “Cardan?” I blink, leaning back to take her in.

She’s playing with the remains of her food now with her free hand, stalling – and I’m letting her. This wasn’t my best idea, but I’m not the torturing kind of guy in this duo between Madoc and I. I couldn’t leave her alone, tied to my bed. “Hmm?” My thumb absently slides up her wrist, tracing the length of her palm. My brows furrow at the raised skin I feel, and I glance down to see a scar right at the center. She closes her fingers carefully around my thumb, keeping me in place, but quietly telling me not to ask.

“You have a look on your face,” Jude tells me. “Sad.”

I let my head loll back, bracing it against the seat. “Not sad. Resigned.”

“Stoic people are the easiest to mend,” she points out with her fortune cookie crap again. “The deadliest.” Because they don’t care, is what she doesn’t say. But it’s true. The only thing that ever kept me alive back then had been the thought of going home to Sophie. After she was murdered, I had no real reason to live. I figured I’d avenge her death or die trying. Each day, I’m closer and closer to walking into a line of fire.

I pull my hand from hers, getting up and searching my pockets. I find a wad of cash and toss it onto the table, definitely over tipping. When I look at her, Jude is staring at her still outstretched hand, palm up, fingers flexing on emptiness. She looks up at me with her doe eyes and I try not to read into the look on her face, more reminiscent of sad than mine ever looked. “Come on,” I hold out a hand and she takes it slowly, softly. Not unsure. But she’s had enough to deal with in her lifetime, she shouldn’t start to trust me now. I’d kill her in a heartbeat and that would just be another person on the list of people to hurt her.

The sick part of me – and that’s more than a small portion – would rather have her die by my hands than anyone else’s. I keep that to myself, but if my hand tightens around hers, neither of us acknowledges it. I grab hold of her bag and when we’re by the truck, I toss it in, only keeping the flask with me. I’m still mulling over what she’s said about her dad, wondering why he’s donned such a god complex. Long minutes later, after mazing through the city, using back streets and unnecessary turns, we make it to an alleyway, reeking of dead meat, piss and smoke.

Jude makes a face at our surroundings as I rap against the metal door near the dumpster. I turn and lean against the brick wall and she grimaces, muttering something about hundreds of different bacteria mutating and multiplying and being transferred on to my clothes. The first thing I say to her since leaving the restaurant is, “Your dad’s a cult leader.” I roll my eyes and take the last bit of whatever from the flask. Jude sighs and rests a hand on her hips.

I try not to read into her still wearing my shirt and knotting it just enough for her midriff to show. “Blah blah blah,” she mutters, “Sheeple and whatever.” She runs a finger in a circle above her head, indicating a halo. “Saint Jude, blah blah, he’s a fucking tyrant. You’re not telling me anything new. He’s got a handful of followers that thinks he’s the prophet. Besides, you’re one to talk.”

“Yeah?” I raise a brow, and she lets out a huff, running her hands over her hair, smoothing back pieces that have fallen from her braid. I roll up my sleeves to my elbows, and watch almost in amusement but partially in satisfaction, her face as she takes in the lines of ink I wear like armor. The detail is excruciating, all shades of gray and black, realistic – as is Dain’s style – skulls and daggers and roses and quotes and animals and partial faces; eyes and lips here, hands there and not a single drop of color. The cover up for the dark scars and skin deep bruises.

She blinks and then looks up at me, cheeks blushing pink at having being caught. She swallows and narrows her eyes at me. Jude looks at me like she wants me and she hates that she wants me. After the morning we’ve had, the feeling’s quite fucking mutual. She clears her throat, chin raised as if she’s going for a hoity expression. “Church of Mav ring a bell?” I smirk, but let her continue thinking she’s one up me. “Didn’t our dearly departed mayor Greenbriar claim such a church over a decade ago?”

I shrug, “A big cathedral he doesn’t have to pay taxes on. You think I have an ounce of shame, darling? It was the HQ for his little drug trafficking ring. Where do you think that surge in H came from?”

She lets out a huff, the breath blowing a few strands of hair from her face. After a beat she asks, “Do you do it?”

“Shoot up or sell?” She looks as if she doesn’t really want to elaborate, nor does she want the answer. “Neither,” I say, but I don’t ease her mind. “I don’t work for Eldred. I work for whoever pays me the most and that’s never the case with dealers.”

She gnaws at her lip and my eyes find her soft freckles. They don’t just grace her pretty face, but they dip down her neck, her chest and possibly lower. She shivers, when she catches my perusal and I grin. She’s peaked, nipples hard even through her bra, yet she forces her hands to her sides, fingers fisting tightly, as if she’s trying not to cross her arms over her chest. My eyes focus on her neck for a moment, a small thrum beating hard against her skin. The urge to reach out and touch it, to wrap my hands around her neck, is not lost on me. She sucks in a deep breath, certainly peeved at me yet she remains as close to me as she possibly can without actually touching me – or the filth around us. She clears her throat, after three minutes of us staring each other down, and says, “so.” She rocks back on her heels and licks at her lips, tinted a shade deeper from the candied cherries she had been eating. I wait until she finally continues, “a cat, huh?”

I quirk an eyebrow and she meets my gaze, expectantly. She’s childlike sometimes, in her mannerisms, bright eyes, nervous lip bites, questions, but there’s a bit of a bone deep sort of wariness in the depths of her eyes that make her seem much older than she is. “Elvira?” I’m teasing her, only because I promised that whatever happened earlier in Dain’s house would never leave through that door. Talks about her sister, Sophie and the likes. So, I can’t tell her the cat is Sophie’s. The only thing I have left of her. “You still on her, baby?” but even to me, the words seem hollow.

Jude continues, and like the night we first met, it’s noticeable that she hates the empty quiet between us and has this urge to fill it in. “You don’t seem like the cat type. Pet snake, I can see,” she murmurs, eyes running over my ink again before she can realize her mistake.

I let the side of my lips quirk, “Do you like snakes, Jude?” Her eyes flash to mine and her lips part in horror when she understands what she walked into. “I can show you a real pretty looking snake you can pet,” I say, just to watch the red in her skin darken further, the gold in her eyes turn bronze with heat.

Her eyes dip to my jeans before flashing back to my face. She feigns indignance. “Do it, then” she dares me, eyes focused on mine. My smile widens and there’s a split moment of panic in her eyes until I reach for the collar of my shirt and tug it to the side. The head of a serpent lies ultra-realistic against my shoulder, down to my chest. The rest of his body trails down my back and around to my torso. It’s my biggest piece, but blends seamlessly into the rest of monochromatic ink. A king snake.

“Alice.”

“Alice?” She squeaks out, but looks relieved that I hadn’t gone for the buttons on my jeans instead. “You named your snake tattoo Alice?” She frowns and mumbles more to herself than me, “You’re real fucking scary then you go and get a fluffy black cat and keep the McDonald’s Happy Meal toy on your dash and name your snake tattoo Alice.”

I lift a shoulder like I it’s not that big of a deal. “I like Lewis Carroll.”

Her eyes widen, “Of course.” She shakes her head like she can’t believe how obvious it’s been all this time. She smiles slightly, bemused and a hand lifts to trace over the scales, curving along the head gently. “When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark,” Jude quotes.

“That’s not in the books,” I say softly, basking in her curious touch.

“No, but it’s my favorite line from the movie.” She looks up at me, looking as if she wants to say more, but my ears perk at the rustling I hear above us. I shut my eyes, annoyed I had forgotten for a moment. I glance up, tilting my head for a moment, catching just the slightest movement of curtains from one of the many windows on the floors above ground level. “That’s –” I wrap a hand around the back of her neck, cutting off her sentence and pulling her closer to me. Her hands immediately come to my sides to steady herself and I toss my other hand over her shoulder, holding the flask away from her. “What are you doing?” her voice is hoarse. “What the hell are you drinking?”

“Shh,” I place my head against her, letting my hand slide from her neck, around to her shoulder, her chest, slowly down her shirt to where she’s knotted it. Her skin is hot to the touch and when I slip under the hem to caress just above her navel, she sucks in a breath. “Breathe,” I tell her quietly, when she doesn’t exhale right away.

She lets out a shaky breath, her lips touch against mine as she speaks. My body reacts more than I want it to, the taste of cherries teasing me. “Were you drinking juice this whole time?” her fingers at my side dig in deeper and my tongue darts out to lick at my lips, teasing hers in the process. Ghost does mix his drinks with more sweetener than anything.

I smile, its half there and more wry than anything, but don’t answer her. “He’s watching,” I tell her quietly. Her eyes widen and her lips part against mine. “Don’t ask me who,” I warn her. I tilt my head, nose skimming the side of her cheek as I nip at her jaw, knowing if we stayed as previously, I’d do more than claim her mouth. Jude gasps and tilts her head up, inviting. Her eyes are lidded but they still dart from side to side, checking windows I realize. She wants to know who we’re putting on a show for, if not why. I press a kiss right below her ears, letting my tongue flatten against her flesh. I pull away just to take her earlobe between my teeth, sucking the skin into my mouth. Her eyes are shut now but her body falls against mine, her nails digging deeper until it stings.

“Cardan,” she murmurs and I find that part of me wishes we were different people in a different time. Still tracing my tattoos, somewhere else, just us and less clothes. And in the end, I won’t have to kill her.

“King,” I sigh into her skin. “I’m not Cardan here. I’m King.” My nose touches against hers, my hand is at the center of her chest now, stroking between the swell of her breasts. “And you, little jailbait,” I tug her bottom lip into my mouth and bite down hard enough that her body squirms against mine. “You’re mine.” I lick at the sting.

“Yours,” she whispers, words hitting me harder than it should. If I let her, Jude could shatter my already broken heart. She pulls away just the slightest and slowly opens her eyes.

“Just for today,” I say quietly. “No one touches you, but me. You get me?” It takes her a minute but she nods in understanding – that if don’t stake my claim on her here, then she’s fair game behind that door. My eyes fall to her neck, and though it’s to spite her when I say it, I imagine my name in gold around her neck anyways. “I really should have collared you.”

“That’s so messed up,” her lips tilt down but her pupils blow out and I’m so fucking immersed in her.

I confess, “I could let those pretty browns consume me.” In a moment of sheer astonishment, I realize, “I think I’d let you. Let you burn me with your gold if I didn’t think I’d be the one to darken the flame.”

Jude’s breath catches and the hues in her eyes are magic I have no right to be a witness to. For a moment, I think she’d break our truce and tell me something about Sophie’s eyes and how I said they were green. I think I’d press her against the grimy wall and let her know how much I’m not at all thinking about the woman I would have married had we more time. She swallows and glances down. There’s a freckle on my face I know she likes to focus on when she’s flustered. Her body slumps just the slightest bit forward and she confesses, “On good days,” her voice is so soft, so gut wrenching, I almost forget we’re putting on a show. “Dad thought my eyes made me look like his salvation.” She glances up and I see why the fucker would think so. Of course, his ego would turn something so beautiful into something so selfish. My hand slides down to her stomach and I press firmly down on the soft skin there. I don’t know if I’m trying to anchor her, or myself. “I’m the only one with them. Taryn has more green in hers and Vivi’s eyes are dark like his. Oak has bright blues like his mother. But mine are… it should be like Taryn’s.”

I move my arm from her shoulder and find the waistband of her pants, securing the flask against her skin. She jumps but otherwise doesn’t comment. “On bad days?” My free hand finds her face, knuckles grazing down her cheeks surprising both of us. My hand on her stomach rises to that front clasp on her bra. I feel the beat of her heart quicken when I slip my middle finger beneath the material, hooking on to the narrow bridge. “Jude?”

Her lips twitch but her half smile is self-deprecating. “Can’t you guess?” And I could. Because I feel the same way. “I was a curse, on bad days. A reminder of all the evil shit he’s done. How does gold look like the gates of heaven and the burning flames of hell all at once?”

“Because you were his favorite.” I don’t mean to say it, and even though her brows furrow and her lips part to ask, she doesn’t get to question my conclusion, especially since not so long ago, she had told me her twin was his lap dog. If he’s claimed God, then Jude’s the angel that fell. The door beside us unlocks and creaks open. I pull away from her skin and drag her body closer to mine, taking her under my arm. Her hands slip from me, and later I’d see the small rows of crescent shaped bruises she’s left behind. “Don’t talk to a single person there,” I tell her quietly.

“If I do?” she lets a hand wrap around my back.

I smile lazily when I say, “I’ll fucking blow his brains out, baby.”

“Of course,” she mumbles. “Out of pure context.” My smile grows genuine as I lead her into the building.  We’re met with immediate frost and florescent lights, a sharp contrast from the light of day. “Oh my god,” Jude murmurs, I glance down to see her face scrunch in disgust. “This is a meat locker.” I watch as she takes in the massive carcasses of animals hanging from hooks, obscuring most of the doors, exits and entryways.

“King,” Says the man who’s been spying. Jarel. Tall, slim, generally not dangerous looking until he uses his knife to skin and slice. He’s stops short of meeting us, coming to lean against the dead cow, only meat and muscle, blood pooling beneath, eyes still intact. He watches Jude, and I pull her tighter against me. He smirks, eyes darting to me for a second. He knows better than to ask me who she is, but I have the strangest feeling he already knows.  He smiles down at her, when he realizes what she’s been staring at. “Nore,” he tells her, patting the hind of the cow. “Hurt me to kill her,” he lies. “Named her after my wife. Now they’re both dead,” he laughs and Jude jumps against me. Her breathing grows heavy and I wonder if she’s got it the moment I do.

If she knows I’m no better than Jarel. If she remembers that’s all she’s supposed to be to me: Nore. Cattle.

���Jarel,” I say. I nod my head for him to lead the way. “We’ll meet you up.”

Jarel watches us for a moment. Eyes alight with the information he thinks he’s got from me. “Baby?” I call out Jude when her fingers get stiff behind me.

“Shiit,” Jarel drags the word out, amused.

I roll my eyes and turn my body to Jude’s. “Careful,” I tell her. Her brows furrow, head snapping in search for Jarel, only to realize he’s now gone. Her wide eyes look up to me in confusion. “Let go of the gun, Jude.”

Her body tenses and the hand behind me freezes on the gun there. Slowly, she releases her grip, one finger at a time. Her eyes are even wider than before, “Oh my god,” she whispers. “I didn’t even – I didn’t even know you were carrying,” she puts a hand to her forehead. “What…”

I smooth the crease between her brows with my thumb. “I'm guessing Daddy Duarte might have managed to enhance the fight part of your fight or flight instincts. I’m guessing adrenaline is a trigger.”

She frowns, looking down at her hands, “I…I know him.” she looks up at me, confusion all across her face. “I don’t remember how, but I do know him. Jarel,” she shivers. “Nore…”

“Don’t force it,” I tell her. “It’ll come on it’s own.”

Jude sighs, “Who should be writing the fortune cookies now, huh? What are we doing here?”

I grab hold of her hand, not quite trusting she won’t snap and go in guns blazing. “A job, Jude.” I lead her past swaying carcasses, towards the back of the room where a door is ajar. I push it open to reveal a staircase. Jarel is on the second floor, barren of furniture or any indication that it should be a livable space, save the too big kitchen running over with ashtrays and alcohol, and the table set in the middle of the room. Men and women are posted by each corner, a semblance of a small get together.

Jarel takes a seat at the head of the table and I pull Jude crossway on to my lap at the opposite end. I nip at her ears, my eyes on Jarel when I quietly murmur, “No trigger finger, baby.”

She blushes but keeps quiet, eyes darting to the people surrounding us before landing to the man in front of us.

“Eye candy?” Jarel muses, because this is not at all how I ever conduct business.

I shrug, “Madoc is a little preoccupied if you’re missing his pretty face.” I drape an arm over Jude’s thighs, the other holds on to her waist. “We’re a package deal, these days.”

Jarel laughs, “Never thought I’d see the day, King.”

I give him a hard stare, mouth flat. “Enough pleasantries. I caught word that you have a job for me?”

Jarel leans back on his seat, drumming his fingers together. “I do.” His smile still lingers even as he talks. He looks at me, then Jude. “What do you know about Justin Duarte?”

∞

@cute898, @monawa, @afexiss, @somebodysqueen, @nish247, @andromeddea, @avenrebekah, @gamer670, @daddycardan, @outofstyles13, @vi0let-femmes, @babyillyrian @queenofdorkville, @courtofmadness, @queengreenbriar, @stormymeow,@goldbooksblack, @littlemergirl4779, @lalunaswhisperer, @archerons-arrow, @illyrianundercover, @atla-lok143, @fangirlinghard-spoilerson, @soup-that-is-too-hawt, @3am-reading, @tangledraysofsunshine, @readmeaway, @gently-say-aha, @breezyfreezey, @soup-that-is-too-hawt, @fi-fi-firefly, @alongwiththewindd, @an-teo520, @dracolovelaceisinlove, @sleeping-and-books, @city-of-fae, @inejghxfaa, @franticlittlegeek, @darlingod, @ame233, @feysand-dot-acotar, @l0sts0uls1128, @tswaney17, @shadesoflondonxoxo, @rapunzel1523, @hoegreenbrair, @lost0nline, @vera0124, @afexiss, @pala-done, @blackbirdswords , @sjmsstuff, @tintinnabulary, @flashytrashy, @the-unicornspoop, @books-and-sleep, @cailleach-na-speirtha, @acourtofstudyingandsuffering, @nitrot150, @foundtheavacados, @justccstuff, @goawayi-mreading, @kickassunicorn, @hoegreenbrair, @sjmsstuff, @feelthismom3nt-blog, @feeoly, @faefromthenorth, @queenofxhearts, @lovemollywho, @velarian-trash, @tessas-herondales, @alissa-kirk, @sophiespievak, @galllatea, @georgialeighc13, @clockworkgraystairs, @pilesofriles, @queentearss, @mustangsally913, @pilesofriles, @fangirlforever0704, @dayanna-hatter, @empress-ofbloodshed, @izou1204, @tintinnabulary, @13luecloud, @furiousflowerponypizza, @bamchickawowow, @ireallyshouldsleeprn, @hizqueen4life, @thebookish-fangirl, @judehatescardan, @cardanslittletail, @burninjurdan, @rowaelin-percabeth, @amapformyjourney, @ghostlyrose2, @nephilimlove, @judexcardanxgreenbriar, @charincharge, @flowersinvegas, @selcouthdream, @lizzzziebear, @sleepybabything, @ysitsohardtofindaname, @lahistoriaquenoteconte, @blackjacks-donuts, @sincerelymetoyou, @brit-alltoowell, @poeticbrownmermaid, @aelin-queen-of-terrasen, @flamingliterature, @whatafuckingbabe, @thesirenwashere, @drewstarkeyobx, @dorkzrul, @an-ironic-pisces, @sluttyskeletonss, @ironic-noodles, @ireallyshouldsleeprn 

[therewrites]

We Are Who We Are Overall Thoughts *spoilers*

This review will be discussing briefly some of the episodes so far, so SPOILERS

So I started watching the HBO original series, We Are Who We Are, and I am conflicted. When I initially watched it, the dialogue made it hard for me to enjoy it so I stopped. Then after a couple of weeks after its airing, I thought, what the hell? And this time, I was pleasantly surprised. I always maintain the belief that pilot episodes are either boring, messy, or just bad so I try to push past it in order to get to the good shit. The pilot for We Are Who We Are was...I’m not sure how to explain...different? It certainly wasn’t bad and it made an impression on me, but this show as a whole is hard to limit by just a few words. It’s really something that you should watch and experience yourself.

It was only after the first 3 episodes that I began to understand the tone and mood that Luca Guadagnino was trying to convey. A lot of the time, the dialogue is abrupt and choppy and can make no sense. It can be frustrating, especially when you have two characters that aren’t communicating effectively. But I think that was the point. Guadagnino is a very realistic director, he captures the most realistic elements in a film. A lot of the conversations between characters is meant to emulate real life. Like, what the hell do you say when a conversation becomes awkward? Well, nothing sometimes.

While Guadagnino’s typical cinematography may suggest whimsy, in WAWWA’s case the small structured and synthetic model of the military base is juxtaposed to the very concrete characters. When I started to view the show less as simply a televised airing of fictional characters and problems, and instead looked at them as people, I began to really enjoy it. 

Take the main character of Fraser, played by Jack Dylan Grazer. Fraser is meant to be seen as an extremely complex and troubled kid, but the difference between him and every other teen in a coming-of-age drama is that he isn’t polished. His drinking and drug habit isn’t framed as romantic or beautiful, in fact most of the time it’s portrayed as his weakness of sorts. In the first episode, Fraser has one of his mothers drive him home after getting pretty wasted and Luca graces us with a direct shot of him throwing up. And before that, Fraser is stumbling on a bridge when he drunkenly falls and cuts his face. Everything the character does is messy, uncoordinated, yet extremely real and relatable. Hell, in one shot you can clearly see him do a Naruto run!

Caitlin/Harper is a character that I enjoyed watching, as well. Jordan Seamon did a fantastic job and I really connected with their character. Initially we see Caitlin as this mysterious girl, and in the pilot we are meant to assume that their relationship with Fraser is supposed to develop into a romantic one. This is not the case as it seems that Caitlin is trying to come to terms with who they are. The biggest shift in Caitlin’s character isn’t their friendship with Fraser but probably when they get their period. 

This was a moment that even I related to, even though I am cis when I first got my period I didn’t tell my mom until the day after. The possible confusion and shift in their reality that Caitlin felt was only heightened with the conflict of their boyfriend wanting to be more physically intimate, and Fraser’s eventual discover of Harper. I would have like to see exactly why Fraser seemed drawn to Caitlin. I’m assuming viewers were supposed to think that Fraser is attracted to her, or something. But both Caitlin/Harper and Fraser are queer coded and their respective sexualities are alluded to not being straight. It would’ve made their standing as platonic friends more clear if this had been established stronger. 

I definitely think the writer could have devoted more time to giving certain characters proper conversations. It would’ve given more development to certain characters and better context for things. However even without that, there is a lot that the audience is showed that can’t be told through dialogue. The power struggle between Sarah and Richard being one. So far, there hasn’t been any explanation as to why they have a such a volatile relationship other than Richard being a homophobe. 

Through deeper inspection, I was able to interpret it as: Richard may heavily resent the fact the Sarah was promoted to Colonel and not him. It is never made clear who has the better credentials, Sarah or Richard, but assuming that she was the one promoted it is a safe guess. This may be highlighted by the fact that Sarah is a women, and also gay. Even before episode 7, it was clear that Richard did not respect her authority. I also interpreted it as Richard being upset that and openly gay women was promoted instead of him, a black man. 

Of course this is just based on my own personal knowledge of how the U.S. military can be towards people of color and LGBTQ+. Regardless, the competitive tension between two parents is palpable without needing dialogue to explain.  

When conflict happens, I can kind of figure out which characters are going to react and which one’s will stay silent. I think the show is trying to accomplish a drastically realistic and raw series. It took me while to adjust to it, but by maybe the 2nd or 3rd episode, it starts to grow on you. Despite not liking a good majority of the characters, I was very surprised by how invested I was in them. 

Like, Danny is my least favorite character because he displays very abusive and explosive tendencies, and doesn’t seem to care about the world around him. However, getting glimpses into his character and seeing how Richard ignores him for Caitlin/Harper, his suicidal thoughts, and how he is trying to reclaim his cultural and religious background makes me empathize with him. 

Even though I hate his character, I can see that he is struggling. I appreciate the way that this show freely shows dark skinned black boys dealing with mental health issues, and personal development. Rarely are issues like suicide talked about in the black community, so seeing Danny talk about it and Craig offering(admittedly poor)comfort was touching. This is a general vibe that I get from nearly all the characters on WAWWA. I also appreciated the how Danny is actively trying to convert to Islam. In shows, rarely is Islam ever portrayed in a positive manner. Especially when female characters are shown to be struggling with their religion, Islam is shown as this barrier that prevents them from living life. Hopefully it goes without saying that the “taking off the hijab” as a way to show that a female character is “liberated” is overplayed and does not offer any respect to the countless Muslim women who choose to wear hijabs. 

Now I think the pacing of some of the storylines could have been handled a bit more gracefully. Like how we jump from Fraser and Harper being kind of enemies(not really but you know what I mean), to just them hanging out in Richard’s boat was jarring. I would have at least liked to see the scene of them talking on the rocks at the beach. It would’ve given more insight on Caitlin/Harper’s character and also on Fraser too. Also how quickly Maggie and Lu(Jennifer but I love the name Lubaba, it’s my aunt’s name)jump into a physical affair. I just would have liked to see a build up of tension between all these characters but I don’t think this entirely ruins the plot. 

I was very iffy when I learned that the show would be focusing on trans identity and gender and sexuality, but not actually hire a trans male actor. I was afraid that the show would completely botch the experiences of being transgender, and honestly I don’t have the authority to speak on whether or not this affects the quality of the show. I am cisgender, and only can empathize with this particular situation as much as I can. But I would like to hear to the opinion of someone who is trans and elaborate on the ways that they did/didn’t like Jordan Kristine Seamón’s portrayal. 

Now at the time I’m writing this, the season finale has yet to come out. But I’d also like to briefly discuss the most recent episode and how it developed Jonathan and Fraser’s relationship. I was VERY worried that Guadagnino was going to take their relationship in the direction of inappropriate. While nearly all the depictions of Jonathan and his actions have been trough Fraser’s pov, it didn’t stop me from side-eyeing some of the interactions they shared. Of course after it was mentioned that Jonathan was supposed to be in his late 20s, nearing 30 I was immediately uncomfortable with the very flirty behavior he exhibited. 

So when the scene of Fraser going up to his apartment after Craig’s death, I was very on edge. If Guadagnino had gone the extra mile to show an even larger age gap then I would’ve been pissed. While I enjoyed Call Me By Your Name, the implication that sexual relationships between barely legal teenagers and adults well into their 20s was sensual is something that I see as very weird now that I’m older. So seeing Jonathan as the object of Fraser’s affections made me extremely warry. 

And honestly, I’m still surprised that the scene even happened in its entirety. I’m sure that Jack was not in any danger of being exploited but there were definitely points while watching I thought, what the fuck is going on? I was very worried that it would escalate, but I was happy to see that Fraser was the one who stopped it from going further.  It made sense to me that this scene took so many liberties to be as graphic as possible without being too graphic, in order to show why a situation like that would be scary and confusing for Fraser. It wasn’t lost to me that Marta and Jonathan were the one’s initiating all the sexual advances. They held all the power in that scenario, even more so because Fraser is younger and has the tendencies to not make the best decisions. Though it seemed that Fraser was trying, he knew that the situation was fucked up.

I’d like to hear what JDG felt and thought doing this scene. What was his character’s thought process?

I’ve seen a lot of people compare the show heavily to CMBYN, which is fine. Besides certain cinematic parallels that people pointed out, I don’t see the clear comparison. CMBYN is more of a love story and it’s more polished than WAWWA. Now when I say tat, I don’t mean it as a negative. Rather, We Are Who We is obviously more devoted to realism and its characters. I appreciate the inclusion of more LGBTQ+ people and black main characters with development, something that CMBYN lacked. And for some people who didn’t like the show based solely on the fact that it wasn’t a CMBYN tv show, I suggest just going into it with no expectations and enjoy the mess. 

And I’d also like to take a moment to commend Jack Dylan Grazer for his job in We Are Who We Are. All of the main cast are amazing actors and actresses and did a really good job bringing their characters to life. Though, I had always associated JDG with supporting roles that, while highlighted his acting talent, only put him in a one-dimensional light. As good as It 2017 was, JDG’s role of Eddie is only meant to be seen as a comic relief. In WAWWA, I was able to forget that he was teen actor, Jack Dylan Grazer, and really see him as Fraser. It’s worth mentioning that in a GQ interview, Grazer also mentioned how this role made him reevaluate is approach to acting. 

And after reading an interview he did with a Interview Germany, with him saying he spent months in Italy reading the script and trying to perfectly craft this character, I was immensely impressed. I hope that he knows that all his hard work payed off and made a really dynamic and interesting character. I really hope that in the future JDG continues with more mature or multi-dimensional roles because he displayed that he has the talent to do so. Him being so young makes me optimistic in knowing that he is definitely going places in his career. I also hope that there will be a season 2 of WAWWA because despite having hour long episodes, the show still felt way too short. There is a lot about Fraser’s character, and all the others’ characters, that I want more information and analysis on.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

how would rank nate's girlfriends (in terms of their relationships with nate and them as people)? lmao

hmm. this is hard. what’s easy is saying i loved natessa best, and hated naterine most. more under the cut!

i think i’ve mentioned enough times that most people know i think nate & vanessa were the best - they both supported each other equally, their relationship was very 50/50, they both respected & valued each other, etc. their relationship was so real and so balanced, i really loved watching that play out and think it made no sense, the way they caused the dissolution of it? especially since after breaking up with vanessa he suddenly seems really into commitment - see how he is with bree buckley!! where was that energy when you were dating someone who was actually cool, natie! 

i don’t know where to put serenate, because i love serena as a character, and i think nate was very committed to that relationship from day 1, but i don’t think serena ever took him as seriously as he deserved to be taken / as HE took her, & i don’t see that particular relationship to be fulfilling in a long-term way for similar reasons that i don’t ship danessa romantically. their break up felt organic to me. that said, serena WAS his best friend and she did care about him and want him to be happy, which is more than you can say for most of nate’s girlfriends.

blair & nate may not have had any sort of romantic spark when we saw them on the show (& honestly, i think nate was initially not a very good bf to blair)- but blair did her best to be there for him, and the implication of childhood friends is that she was there, paying attention for him & being there for him for a really long time. i think blair/nate had a really strong platonic connection that the show never went into, and i think by virtue of that they still rank relatively high from a nate pov at least. 

jenny/nate is also complicated to place, partially because i’m always going to be partial to lesbian!jenny & probably won’t write her as anything else. that said, of late, i’ve been seeing people who love her as much as me, if not more, who see her as someone who likes men, and the last thing i want to do is start a fandom war over ‘is this female character with unspecified sexuality lesbian or bi?’ because those NEVER end well. anyway i’ve become more tolerant to interpretations of jenny that aren’t her being lesbian, and i HAVE read a decent chunk of really good n/j fic. i think they had a closeness on the show that neither of them had with anyone else, where they could talk about their trauma with each other, which makes them special to me. that said, i don’t think their canon dynamic was necessarily the healthiest - jenny often used nate as a means to like, obtain social power, and nate became more passive than ever and just let jenny do whatever she wanted? it’s interesting to me because i feel, theoretically, like nate & jenny could be really healthy together but the show didn’t do that. 

i have a really weird soft spot for jenate shippers though, ever since i got those hateful jennycourse anons. i just hope y’all are having a good time in fandom, and not being dragged down by losers who send anon hate. (unconnected fun fact: sending me ship hate only makes me ship something more! and feel the urge to validate people who ship it.)

now we have a ton of guest stars & relatively unmemorable girlfriends. 

i liked lola and raina!!! raina & nate > lola & nate, for me, tbh. raina & nate had such a childlike enthusiasm and during that day that they do things they’ve never done before, they were both SO happy and it was so cute. eating ice-cream together, talking about starting an ice-cream company, raina kicking nate’s ass at just dance... i wish we’d gotten more raina. i think i actually like raina x nate more than serenate, come to think of it. we didn’t have enough of her, though. raina would’ve been such a GOOD series regular. 

i liked lola & nate!!! lola reminds me of kelsi from hsm for some reason i cannot articulate, and her relationship with nate was VERY chill. low-pressure, drama free, etc, from what i remember. twas cute.

now we are into the less nice ones!

bree :( nate was so into this relationship and there were times when he seemed like he would genuinely be happy with her, but i disliked bree as a character so much that i just could NOT get behind his happiness. it baffles me how men settle for bree buckley after vanessa abrams.

juliet, next. i never liked juliet from the beginning, and i say this as a flex ;) idk she was just really pushy, and her whole “I Can Help You Improve Your Life Even Though You Have No Idea Who I Am” thing felt like a major red flag. i felt vindictive glee about my judgement being right on that one, lmao.

sage goes here, because we only have catherine & diana next. but to be really honest, i think the problem with the sage/nate relationship was nate. he should not have been dating her once he realised she was in high school. teenagers have crushes on people in their 20s!! it’s normal!!! it’s the responsibility of the adults to Not engage and to turn them down if they try to initiate something!! 

diana is the second worst to me - the fact that she’s working for nate’s grandfather, the hashtag workplace harassment of it all... it’s really devastating.

i’ve implied before on this blog that catherine (& naterine) was the worst thing - genuinely traumatic, and it’s implied that after a point, she’s manipulating him & all the sex is coerced, which is undeniably the most terrible. like... the implications are of caon rape, so it really does not get worse than this.

i have not counted jordan steele or ivy dickens (she was never really his gf, she just kissed him + i can’t take her really seriously, given that she was cheating on dan’s dad with serena’s dad and apparently this was completely unironic and non-satirical) because the wikia says that they never officially dated & unlike jenate, those 2 aren’t even Main Characters.

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 5)

Lucy Bronze x Reader (5)

Masterlist (other parts here)

(A little bit of Lucy's POV. I love the subtle differences in what they notice and how they think... 🥹)

Lucy was going crazy. She couldn’t get YFN out of her head. Seeing her in the rain, those big blue eyes filled with worry as she held Jordan, a woman she’d never met before. The way she was always smiling to herself without even realising it. The amount of care she had for anyone and anything around her. Lucy knew she should have been prepping for the game, but she just had to message Jordan to get as much information out of her about YFN without her being suspicious. She was a writer, and a dreamer. A typical little go-with-the-flow Australian. Everything she did had made her fall just a little harder, from seeing her in the crowd wearing her jersey and hugging her family, to seeing her jump for joy at her goal, and laughing and bantering with Jordan like they’d known each other for years. Lucy knew she wore her heart on her sleeve but tried to hide it a lot of the time. This was a more aggressive form of that. Perhaps it’s because she’d been alone for so long now, watching Keira move on had been difficult, but she still wished the best for her best friend. She’d been with people since then however she couldn’t help but feel that this was different. She was falling. Hard. She didn’t even know if YFN was attracted to women. Or athletes. She hadn’t texted or called after Lucy gave her number to her, but was beaming when she saw her in the stadium. Was she just giving her space to prep for the game? Lucy had been frustrated at her overthinking and dug into her prep work. She pushed in the game, hard. She wanted to impress her. Her knee was screaming and she almost broke a rib when she somersaulted over a player, but it was all worth it to see the look on her face. She knew she was being cocky when she asked for a hug, but god it was worth it. She smelled so good and was so small and warm, it made Lucy tingle. She also knew she was being cocky when she asked if she wanted her autograph, but she was more than happy when she said yes. She was tempted to sign over her chest but thought better of it, opting for her collarbone instead. Lucy had to summon up most of her confidence to make it neat while they were touching each other. She placed a little number 2 with a smiley face next to it. When they locked eyes, the shy Lucy came out and she had to take in a deep breath and look away to avoid exposing her feelings in public. And although she was looking at Jordan and worrying about her when it came to deciding about the dinner party, her heart was aching to know YFN was coming.

Lucy was impatiently waiting, her knee bouncing. She’d saved two seats between her and Jorge for them and was beginning to worry. Were they coming? Just as she pulled out her phone to text, they walked through the door. Jordan in oversized clothes again and YFN wearing jeans and a loose black button up shirt, half tucked in at the front. Her golden brown hair was up in a messy but pretty bun and she looked happy. Their eyes met and Lucy had automatically stood as if she were back in the 1800s where chivalry was king. She internally cringed at herself. They both looked over at Leah and YFN leant in to whisper something in Jordan’s ear. They two were suddenly laughing loud and hanging off of each other. A tiny bit of jealously twinged in her stomach and she pushed aside the stupid feeling. Lucy was a little disappointed when Jordan sat in the seat closest to her, though she was grateful to have some good chats with a much happier looking Jordan while YFN met most of the squad and their families. It warmed her heart to see her bantering with her family, especially her nephew. She knew she had to seize an opportunity to talk to her, and was happy when she was finally next to her. They brushed up against each other sometimes, a few of those times purposely by Lucy.  The feeling of being so close to her was addictive. She was addicted to seeing her smile, hearing her laugh and the touches of her skin. She wondered what it would be like to go further, and just as quickly as the thought came into her head, she pushed it aside every single time it popped up. And it popped up a lot.

Lucy sharing her food felt so natural between the two because YFN would always be so grateful and happy, and always offer something in return. Food was one of Lucy’s big love languages and she could feel it was YFN’s also.

When Lucy opened the bathroom door and saw YFN, she was surprised. One of her teammates had said they thought she was on the phone outside. She froze and found her body stuck there. There was no one else in the bathroom, and she locked eyes with the Australian who seemed just as nervous. This had all but positively confirmed to Lucy that she wasn’t crazy, and that the feelings were mutual.

“Hi,” Lucy tried to sound confident, but it came out nervous.

“Hi..” YFN replied, her cheeks reddening. That little smile she always had on her face deepened and she ducked her head slightly, breaking the eye contact. “I’m just going to..” She gestured to the door shyly and when Lucy nodded, YFN brushed past her to the door. She wanted to step aside but she couldn’t will her body to move away from her.

The door swung open and YFN fell backwards. Lucy went immediately into protective mode and caught her with both hands on her waist. She looked over YFN’s shoulder to the drunk man, ready to get protective and put YFN behind her.

“Oh… sorry wrong one.” The door closed and the two stayed like that for a few seconds before YFN spun around in her arms and Lucy suddenly felt the wall against her back. It was happening. She felt her hands grab onto her biceps which made Lucy feel strong and confident. God, her lips. She looked back up and her eyes reflected the same feelings Lucy had. They slowly leant towards each other, both breathing raggedly and trying their best to control their bodies.

Lucy didn’t want to give in first, she prided herself on being strong, but their lips brushing softly across each other cut the last string of self-control she had. Thankfully she felt YFN give up at the exact same time. Lucy moved her hand up to cup the side of her face and felt YFN pulling on her shirt in desperation as their lips finally came together. Soft. Sweet. Her tongue became a little curious and Lucy groaned at that. She wanted to touch her anywhere, everywhere, and her lack of control surprised even her. The feel of YFN’s hands squeezing her biceps and tangling in her hair was further exacerbating her desperation.

Control yourself, she thought. The door had a lock, she knew she could just reach over and they would have privacy to go further. Would YFN want that? She heard YFN swear and it turned her on more. YFN bit her lip and tugged on it slightly. Lucy couldn’t help but moan and swear herself. This woman would be the death of her. She took her revenge and bit YFN’s bottom lip slightly harder, making sure to lick it softly afterwards to show she could be hard and soft also. She needed her. YFN tilted her head to the right and as Lucy did the same, their tongues met. The intensity increased and they were gasping and swearing and grabbing. It took everything in her to not lock that door and fuck her against the wall. Lucy felt YFN grab her and pull her backwards off of the wall. Oh, it was happening. She shivered and moaned, holding one hand cupped against her jaw and the other moving down to feel her neck, over one of her excited nipples, down over her abdomen and around. She snaked her hand under her black button up shirt and brushed softly up her back, using it to pull YFN hard up against her.

“Lucy,” she gasped. Lucy felt herself get wetter at the sound of her name on her lips.

The door swung open and YFN leapt away like she’d just been caught doing something illegal. It was just Georgia, but Lucy internally groaned at the thought of Keira and Leah finding out. The last thing she wanted was a million questions. Lucy looked at YFN. Her blue eyes were wide and worried, her swollen and now pinker lips slightly apart to catch her breath. She was stunning.

Georgia opened and closed her mouth multiple times before she found words, “Sorry! I’ll come back.”

Lucy went to take a step forward to stop her but was too late. What could she possibly say anyways?

She turned to look at YFN again who had a shy smile like a kid caught doing something they shouldn’t have. It was sexy.

“Is that bad?” YFN asked, gesturing to where Georgia had just been standing.

Lucy shook her head. “No, she’s a good friend. She’s just a kid though, and she’s very good friends with my ex.”

“Oh…” YFN looked slightly worried.

“It’s okay, it’s not a problem at all.” Lucy reassured her and took a step forwards. Noticing her expression, she stopped.

“We’re strangers, Luce. You don’t know me… and I don’t know you,” YFN whispered.

Lucy nodded, understanding. It was an unusual situation but the feeling was just too strong to ignore. “I know everything about you that I need to know.” Lucy said softly, trying to reassure but not scare her. She’d spoken to Jordan a lot about YFN and that was a lot of the reason she liked the Australian so much. As well as the obvious sexual tension. “As for me, well… I’m a public figure so you know I’m not a psychopath.”

“Those two things are more likely to be in common that you realise..”

Lucy gave a little chuckle. “You got me there. Not a psychopath, at least in the daylight. But I’d really like to spend more time with you so we can get to know each other a bit better?”

YFN nodded and gave her little dimply smile as she looked at the ground. A few strands of hair fell over her face. “I’d like that.”

Lucy’s heart melted and she reached out and took her chin between her thumb and forefinger, tilting her head up so she could see into those blue eyes again. Lucy was frozen again, wanting to kiss her but not wanting to overstep. Luckily for her, YFN stepped forwards and kissed her again, though this time it was incredibly soft. Their lips softly pressed against each other, and her eyes almost rolled back into her head. The break apart came with a little disappointment but with this overwhelming tingly feeling over the entirety of her body.

“Fuck.” They both whispered.

YFN stepped back with a happy little smile, the dimple reappearing. Her phone dinged then and she pulled it out to look. Her expression dropped.

“Oh…” she said. “Pineapples. I need to go.”

Lucy was confused. “Pineapples?”

YFN grinned at her. “My safe word. Pineapples.” She didn’t say anything else, leaving it and watching as Lucy thought it over.

She has a safe word? For sexual activity or… it clicked suddenly. “Jords..”

YFN smiled at her, seemingly impressed she could work out what she was referring to. YFN nodded. “Pineapples.”

Lucy followed YFN out of the bathroom and as they rounded the corner they saw Jordan sitting and uncomfortably shifting as Leah was sat next to her trying to talk. Jordan saw them both and a wave of relief washed over her. She didn’t seem to notice that they’d just exited the bathroom together a bit dishevelled. Lucy spotted Georgia who looked between the two and then back down at her plate as if she were trying to keep a secret. She rolled her eyes. Keira was sat right beside her so she knew it was only a matter of time. YFN was first to the pair, her arm coming around Jordan for a hug.

“Hello, I’m so sorry for interrupting but Dory, can you take me home? I think I ate something bad.” She rested her chin on Jordan’s head and Lucy couldn’t help but grin at the white lie and quickly try to cover it.

Leah looked surprised and a little hurt seeing YFN with her arms around Jordan. Did she think they were together? “Oh… are you okay? Sorry, we haven’t met. I’m Leah.”

YFN let go of Jordan and shook her extended hand.

Lucy decided to jump to the rescue. “I should have introduced you earlier, Leah, this is YFN. YFN, this is Leah Williamson, Captain of the England Squad. And I can testify to the food poisoning, I’ve been holding her hair back for the past 10 minutes.” She knew Leah would find out about the lie when Georgia opened her mouth, but she would deal with that later. Right now they just needed to get Jordan out of there.

Lucy saw YFN press her lips together. To anyone else she would have a neutral expression but to Lucy, the dimple gave away her trying hard to hide a smile. She wasn’t lying, she had been holding her hair for the past ten minutes.

Jordan turned in her chair and put a hand on YFN’s stomach. “Oh no, are you okay?” She asked, playing into their little game.

“I’ll be okay, it must have been all of those condiments.”

“Oh yeah?” Lucy chuckled. “Worth it though, wasn’t it?”

YFN rolled her eyes at her. “Worth the regret.” She pointed to one of the dips. “My best guess is the pineapple dip. Who makes a pineapple dip?”

Lucy laughed and YFN smiled at the sound. Jordan gave a little giggle also. Leah seemed confused.

Jordan stood up and put an arm around YFN. “Let’s get you home then, yeah? We can go to mine and watch a movie. I have a heat pack we can put on your tummy.” She tightened her arm around her and rubbed her other hand on her stomach.

YFN liked movies? “Ohh, yes please.”

“Do I get an invite?” Lucy asked.

The pair looked at her, worried that if they let her come, Leah would also want to. Lucy regretted it as soon as she said it, but she couldn’t help wanting to spend more time with YFN.

“I think you should stay with your party, mate. I need to look after this one anyways.” She patted YFN’s head with her spare hand, obviously being a little flirty in front of Leah.

YFN was quick to notice and Lucy could tell she felt bad for Leah. “Again, I’m so sorry for interrupting you two. And it was lovely to meet you, Leah. I’ve heard a lot of good things.”

Lucy knew she wasn’t lying. Although she was Jordan’s ex, she knew Jordan would never speak anything bad about her, because there wasn’t anything bad to say. It made Lucy feel warm to see the sympathy YFN had for someone she’d never met, and even more, someone who was her friend’s ex.

Leah nodded but the frown remained on her face. “Lovely to meet you too. Hopefully we can chat again sometime. Take care of yourself.”

With a quick smile from the pair, they left the restaurant and Lucy couldn’t help her eyes linger on them all the way out the window to the car. She knew she was about to be bombarded with questions from Leah but she didn’t mind. As they got outside the restaurant, the two were pushing and shoving each other and laughing as they walked to Jordan’s car.

Lucy grinned after them.

[myfriendscallmecoelophysis]

What about another Ianite pov, when Jordan barely talked to her because she was busy with Tom and Dec? Her hearing his jealous/worried thoughts on how Tom might be trying to steal her from him, but she calmed him, reminding him of her favor and maybe a gift to do away his thoughts? I like to think storywise that Jordan was being shy when he said he was low maintenance, before giving in with an ask for an enchantment. Also, Ianite being surprised when Jordan suddenly gave her pearls as thx. =^^=

Rewatching bits of the series, there is definitely something a little bit suspicious about Ianite. Nothing evil yet that I can see, but there is certainly some sort of secret ambition there. I think the way I write all of the gods will morph and change as more story is revealed and more of the subtleties of their words become clear. That said, this doesn’t 100% fulfill everything you asked for Anon but I hope this was kind of what you wanted.

Enjoy and as always

Find me on Ao3:

Selenejessabelle12626 for the tame stuff

Lady-Spieroles for the less tame stuff ;)

~

“I destroyed the temple. Dianite asked me too. Since then I’ve genuinely felt bad when Karl saw that all his time and effort that went into it. And because of that, I am renouncing Dianite.”

From her perch above the stand, Ianite’s eyes narrowed. She’d not factored this possibility into her plans. The humans below were rightly shocked by the confession and the subsequent renouncement. Already they too were shouting their doubts of the validity of the Zombie’s claim.  

Her Champion, the clever thing he was, realized the implications earlier than the others. 

“If you’ve denounced Dianite, who do you align with?” He asked, the other two falling silent in anticipation. Ianite herself was just as curious. From what she’d seen of the Zombie he did not fit in well with either of her brothers. From her understanding, the Dianite of his world had been far more ruthless than her own. He’d praised pointless destruction and murder and encouraged his follower to do such things at every turn. The Dianite of this world, while sometimes mischievous, would not stand for the behavior the Zombie exhibited. Perhaps it was not the Zombie who’d renounced Dianite but the other way around and this was simply the Zombie trying to save face. If that were true, then he would likely choose Mianite, to fully spite Dianite. There may be three Gods in this realm, but her two brothers were rivals through and through.  

“I'm sick of the destruction and chaos just ensuing and things being broken and tampered with. I’m trying to make a little bit of peace through the world. All I’m saying is that there should be balance in the world.” 

Then he spoke that word. His black eyes had found hers as the word that drove her every motivation fell from his lips. He’d chosen her as his new God. 

They pronounced him guilty of his crimes against Mianite and his new follower’s Temple. In the true spirit of Trial! though, his punishment was just an annoying inconvenience. They waited for him to emerge from the mine beneath the courthouse, discussing what had occurred and the implications. 

This world, so new to its heroes and to the Gods as well, had no precedent for such a dramatic shift. The heroes were prophesied to let their gods reach their true levels of power. They, she and her brothers, would be unable to grow into their destinies without a hero to push them each to do so. Where did that leave Dianite? She may be wary of his plans and what he might know of her own but he was still her brother, she did still care after him.

“If Dianite has no hero, what does that mean? Who gains the Zombie?” She asked the priest quietly. Her Captain and Mianite’s follower were having some menial discussion nearby but she hoped they were too distracted to hear. 

“If he was to join you, what would it cost?” The priest replied with a knowing look. He seemed to be unconcerned about the implications to the greater world at the possible switch, more concerned with the actual validity of the renouncement itself. 

“To join me?”  She questioned, surprised that he, the priest of this world, would entertain the idea. 

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Her Champion shouted, his gaze turned to her in shock. So he’d heard then. She’d seen his reaction, the offense in his words back in the courthouse when the Zombie had implied he might join her. She knew the Captain was protective of her and worked hard to prove his loyalty. He was the follower she wanted, the follower she deserved, the one who would help bring her goals and ambitions into reality. She would choose him over any others. But perhaps this opportunity would give her a chance to further investigate what her brother might be planning.

“I would want an offering.” She said after a moment of thought. “A replacement of the pearls he so cruelly burned in front of me.” It was, all things considered, an easy task. Especially given that the Zombie had a sword enchanted to increase the amount of materials able to be gained from the killing of monsters. 

“80 Pearls. A steep price. I feel.”  She specified. It was doable, logical enough and what appeared to be too cheap a price. Her Captain at least felt as much, eyes narrowing in frustrated disbelief as she named it. She watched him fly away with a frown on his lips and without a word to her.

He was angry. Furious even. She understood why. He’d worked hard to earn her loyalty in this world, he always had she knew from the visions of her past lives. For her to even consider taking another Champion and at such a low cost of time and effort could be considered an offense to all the Captain had worked for. 

She did feel bad about tricking him so, but if she did want the Zombie to think he had earned her favor, she needed to ensure that he thought such a thing was actually attainable. He knew as well as they all did of the Captain’s loyalty to her, he knew that the Captain would not take such a thing as the Zombie joining without a fight. It would discourage the Zombie if he not only had to fight his friend but her as well. She would give him the easier fight, let him think he’d joined. If Dianite thought whatever plan he’d set in motion was working, Ianite would better be able to prepare for what may be coming. 

“Ianite, when will we know he is under your wing?” The Priest asked. 

“When 80 pearls are presented to me. I shall claim him as a second hero. I need to consider how best to choose who my true hero is. The Captain… or the Zombie.” 

This statement was what earned the truer stab of anger from her Champion. He was already unhappy at the prospect of there being two followers of Ianite, but for her to imply that there could only be one true hero and that it may not be him? His proximity to the temple he’d built for her gave her a glimpse into his feelings and actions. He was in his home, rifling through his belongings with a certain level of intensity, slamming the chests as he went. 

He was not a man with a short temper, she knew that well enough now. He put up with a great deal of teasing from the others but perhaps her apparent dismissal of all he’d done for her had pushed him too far. Despite the intriguing potential pushing him to fill the role of Dianite’s hero might provide, she was not willing to make him think she’d truly chosen another. That was a way to almost certainly damage the trust he had in her irreparably. She valued his trust far far more than his potential to gain her an upper hand in this silent and subtle war they were beginning to wage. She could not let him believe this lie. 

She spoke to him in his mind, away from the prying ears of the others. “You still hold my favor, Captain. Do not fret. There are other things at play I’m afraid.” She could not risk telling him further of her plans, nor what was coming and how she planned to combat it. But letting him in on her current thoughts of this change would be more beneficial than harmful in the long run.

“What else is at play?”

“I am not yet able to disclose all that I have seen. But for now, please. Keep this between us.” 

“I am scared.” He confessed. She was reminded that despite the part all the heroes were to play in this, in the fate of this world, they were still mortals in the end. She and her brothers may treat them like pawns on a gameboard but they must never forget that their pawns were breakable, physically and mentally so.

“Play your part. Allow the Zombie to believe he too has my favor.” We will see where his true loyalties lie. For they are certainly not with us.

“Very well My Lady.” 

[echoalyssa]

Imagine Jordan Hearing The News About You

The road was practically empty, just you and a car coming the opposite direction. Soft music played through your speakers and you smile, thinking of your boyfriend, who you’d be with in just an hour when you arrived back in California from a road trip.

You couldn’t wait to be in his arms again and spend late nights watching movies together and doing all the fun things that the two of you did when you were together.

You barely see it coming, you can barely process what is happening. But all of the sudden, the car coming the opposite direction is upon you. There’s a screech and the sound of metal grating against metal. And then nothing.

~Jordan’s POV~

Jordan was counting down the seconds until he was finally reunited with his girlfriend. He’d been antsy the whole day, barely able to focus on anything but the girl he was in love with. He’d probably flunked his AP Bio test because of it.

He couldn’t sit still, his knee was constantly bouncing, his foot tapping the floor or his fingers drumming against the closest surface.

“How far away is she?” Mrs. Baker asks him.

Jordan smiles at her, “Thirty minutes last I heard, she can’t really text and drive.”

His mother nods and resumes her task of putting the groceries away.

The doorbell rings and Jordan jumps up to rush to the door. When he opens the big white door the pizza delivery man stands holding a box of pizza and a bottle of soda.

“Jordan Baker?” He asks.

Jordan confirms his statement and pays him before taking the food from him. He’d ordered pizza knowing that Y/N wouldn’t have stopped for dinner on your drive out of eagerness to see him again.

He’d set up his room for the two of you to watch one of your favorite movies. He has the movies, blankets, and food. All he needed now was his girlfriend.

~~~

It’s been forty-five minutes and he hasn’t heard from his girlfriend, she should have arrived fifteen minutes ago.

Worry gnawed at the edges of his mind and he chews on his lip as he sits at the counter, still restlessly drumming his fingers against the marble counter top.

‘It’s probably just traffic,’ he tells himself in his head, ‘she’s just stuck in traffic.’

But it’s also 9 PM and how many people are really on the road at nine?

His mom sits next to him, typing away on her laptop.

She’s told him that she’ll be at the house soon. That there’s no need to worry.

Jordan can’t help himself, he knows that you’re on the road but he has to call you. He’s worried. He presses the call button and listens anxiously as the phone rings. And rings. And rings.

His phone tells him that the caller is not available. He stares at the message utterly confused and a million times more worried.

“She’s not answering.” He says to his mom.

She reminds him that she’s driving and that it’s illegal to be on a call while driving.

So Jordan takes a reach and settles back into his chair, sure that Y/N will be with him soon enough.

Except another hour has passed when his phone finallly rings displaying the caller ID that he’s been desperately waiting to see. He jumps up, snatching his phone up from the counter and jams his finger onto the green button.

“Y/N!” He says into the phone, “Where-“

He’s cut off by a gruff male voice, “Is this Jordan Baker?”

“Yes? Who is this?” He asks, quickly followed by, “Why do you have Y/N’s phone?!”

“My name is Tony Sharpe, I’m with the California Fire Department. Y/N has you listed as her emergency contact,” He pauses to say something to someone on the other end, “Y/N was in an accident earlier tonight-“

His heart stops and he crumples to the floor. His mom rushes towards him having heard the paramedics statement because of how loud Jordan always kept his phone volume.

Jordan hears a strangled sound, an he won’t realize that it’s him making the noise.

His mom grabs the phone from his hand and presses it to her ear. “Is she okay?”

She’s frantic but more controlled than her son.

“We’re rushing her to the hospital now. She’s not conscious and from what we can tell she has multiple broken ribs, a broken wrist, and some severe lacerations. She hit her head, we’ll know if there’s any damage there once we get to the hospital.”

Jordan can barely hear the paramedics words due to the rushing of his head, all he can think about is Y/N and the fact that she’s hurt. His mom grabs him, pulling him towards her as she cries too. Y/N was family to her.

“What hospital?” She gasps out into the receiver, the paramedic tells her but Jordan doesn’t hear him.

He couldn’t think of anything but Y/N.

Y/N was injured. Bad.

A/N: There will be a part 2 to this :)

[herenya-sedai]

What we criticise when we criticise WOT

I started thinking about this after a comment about the amount of criticism (or lack thereof) that exists about The Wheel of Time.

How much criticism you encounter is going to differ, depending the fandom spaces you frequent (different spaces have different fans and different norms around expressing criticism). And whether you consider the amount of criticism to be too hot, too cold or just right probably depends on if you agree with the criticisms you see, and whether or not all of your criticisms are being discussed.

In other words, your mileage may vary.

But also it occurred to me that there are different “categories” of criticism, and that some of those are more prevalent than others.

(This is generalised observations of what criticisms I’ve seen, with “I’ve seen” being the operative phrase. It’s not a judgement about how readers should or should not critically engage with WOT.)

1. Criticism of characters, which includes “character hate” as well as less impassioned analysis of characters’ flaws and poor choices. This is the easiest sort of criticism to make. It can be very subjective, and you don’t have to marshal a tonne  of evidence to back yourself up unless you really want to.

Also, I suspect that WOT attracts so much of this sort of criticism because there are so many potential targets, I mean, main characters. With most other books, intense dislike for a main POV character can easily colour one’s opinion of the whole story. But because there are so many characters and storylines in WOT, it’s possible for all things you love about WOT to outweigh your dislike of a few characters.

2. Criticism of Jordan as a storyteller, which includes (but isn’t limited to) complaints about his handling of romance, the Shaido plotline, and level of detail about characters’ clothes. This usually involves less vitriol and more objective judgements and more supporting evidence. Like complaints about characters, this sort of criticism turns up in fandom spaces both in fans’ discussions and in reviews by first time readers (who may not ever finish the series, let alone identify as a fan). 

3. Criticism of the themes and messages of the narrative. In my experience, this tends to be the least common form of criticism and all my ideas for why this might be relate to the sheer length of WOT.

There is just so much to consider, and finding evidence can be a challenge. If you want all the scenes in which Perrin appears, you can do a keyword search of the ebooks, consult a fan wiki/encyclopaedia for a list of all the Perrin chapters and summaries of his actions. There isn’t such a straightforward equivalent for finding all scenes relevant to a particular theme (for an example, the accuracy of one gender’s view of another gender) and for working out which of those scenes are the most significant.

I think it’s totally understandable that not everyone is prepared to commit to doing that.

WOT’s length is a possible deterrent for those readers who dislike more about WOT than they like. The time commitment WOT takes could -- and presumably for some, does -- deter them from reading all the books, let alone from immersing themselves in WOT so that they able to construct thoughtful arguments about it. (I would argue that, for many topiccs, constructing thoughtful arguments often depends on understanding WOT in its entirety rather than having only read a few books.) 

This limits who then participates in critical discussions, presumably to a greater degree than for other stories, because most other stories are so much shorter! I’ve studied books which I did not like reading but I enjoyed critically analysing them in class and in essays, and while I don’t seek out that sort of experience in fandom, I know other people do, happily setting forth to read or watch something for the sole purpose of being qualified to criticise it.

Furthermore, after reading fourteen massive books, there are things about WOT that initially jumped out at me for one reason or another but no longer do so. I have constructed interpretations for why they make sense in context, or I decided that enjoying the books depended on not considering them too closely, or else they now just seem like a normal part of WOT. With these things, I’m less likely to ask “Is this problematic?” and “How is this problematic?” and “What messages does this send?” and I suspect I’m not the only fan who has, through exposure, become accustomed to WOT as it is. 

This reminds me, somewhat tangentially, of something Leigh Butler said in a review for *checks google* TOM:

And now I’ve just noticed that in a post purporting to be a review of Towers of Midnight, I haven’t actually said whether I liked the book or not. In fact, now that I think about it I never really said in either of my reviews of The Gathering Storm whether I liked that book either. Which is telling, because in some ways I feel like the question isn’t even relevant. Not for me, anyway. The Wheel of Time has, through a chain of events that still kind of boggles me sometimes, become so much a part of my life that asking me if I like it is sort of not worth dignifying with an answer. It’s like asking me if I like my family. And yes, I happen to adore my family, but even if I didn’t, that would hardly matter; they’re my family. Whether I like them or not is completely beside the point.

[pretend-writer]

Down Below (Chapter 72)

Summary: After being sent down on Earth with the other prisoners from the Ark, Y/N Reyes faces series of events and learns about survival. With new things happening around her, she is now starting a new chapter in her life.

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader, John Murphy x reader, Raven Reyes x sister!reader

Word Count: 2k words

Warning: swearing, mention of death

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

It was hard to grasp why majority of us were in on staying in Sanctum. Call me paranoid but it was hard to trust someone who we barely knew; I mean look what happened with the grounders, Mount Weather, Diyoza and McCreary.

But Clarke always knew what was best for us right? She was the person we had to listen to because she kept us together, kept us sane and had our back throughout everything. Obviously Clarke knew what she was doing.

She knew it was a great idea to leave Raven, Marcus and Octavia outside when the radiation was going to kill us. Clarke knew to shoot me in the head when I tried to save them. She knew to betray her family and side with the enemy that was trying to kill them for the valley.

So it was such a great idea to listen to her to stay here. Not that we had a say in it at all.

Some of us knew that this was a terrible idea. They interviewed Clarke, horrible candidate to represent us, to show us that we were reliable to the community. That we were no harm.

But that was a lie wasn't it? All we've been doing since we landed on Earth was fight war one day after another. We've made enemies, soon joined clans but continued to kill each other. Who were we to tell them that we deserve to live with them.

Somehow, someway Russell and his people accepted us into their community. Don't know what lie Clarke pulled out of her ass but they were more than excited for us to stay with them. Too excited.

So enthused about welcoming us that they've invited us to attend their Opening Ceremony for "Naming Day", whatever that meant.

John and I sat together, watching everyone mingling and introducing themselves to our new "people."

'You know it's bad for your skin to crinkle your brows like that.' John laughed softly, watching me stress over these new people that we had to live with.

Looking over at Murphy, I rubbed my forehead as I tried to hide my facial expression. 'I'm sorry. Force of habit to not trust people, that's all.'

'Enemies wouldn't save lives. Matter of fact, I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for them.'

'Please don't tell me you're defending them.'

'Ah, no. It's just that-' He bit his lip as he gazed at the people. 'I don't know, it doesn't hurt to have a little hope. For us.'

My jaw dropped, 'John Murphy talking about hope? Wow, you must be a different person.'

He nudged me, 'I died, didn't I?'

'Not funny.'

'What? Too soon?' He chuckled a little until he saw that I wasn't joking. 'Aw, baby I'm sorry.'

The flashback of that moment still terrified me, the way he lied silently, not moving a muscle. 'I was scared that I was going to lose you.'

John smiled, kissing me on my temple as he wrapped his arm around me. 'I'm not going anywhere. Your sister calls me cockroach remember?'

'Right, the infamous cockroach.' I kissed his cheek, leaning into his chest.

As I look up I see Raven approaching us with a huge grin on her face. 'It's been a long, long time since I've seen you two cozying up like this. You two lovebirds need a room?'

'I think you should get Jordan a room.' John pointed at him flirting with Delilah, the girl that everyone was celebrating Naming Day for. 'Man, I bet Monty is so proud.'

As I was laughing at the joke, I saw Bellamy and Clarke talking in a serious tone then eventually hugging. I didn't know what they were talking about but my guess was she was apologizing for the billionth time about all the "mistakes" she had made.

Raven stood in front of my view, looking over me with her arms crossed in front of her. She was probably confused, assuming that I was staring at Bellamy for a different reason.

As I looked up and met my eyes with Raven, she shook her head. I continued to stare at her with a straight face, showing her that I didn't care about what he did, more so annoyed about what Clarke was doing. I didn't want to say that aloud, of course.

Besides, I was angry with Bellamy. I didn't give a damn about what he was doing. If he wanted to make amends with Clarke that was going to betray us again, he can knock himself out.

Speaking of the devil, I heard their voice getting closer. Knowing Clarke's voice from miles away, I rolled my eyes as she started to speak to us.

'The ceremony is about to start soon. Don't really know what we're supposed to do but it'll be good for us to attend.'

'Count me out.' I laughed sarcastically, 'You guys can have your fun.'

Clarke rested her hands on her hips, 'We don't want them to think we're being disrespectful right?'

'I don't give a damn about what they think about us. I never agreed to stay here anyways.' I stood up and approached Clarke. 'They were digging into our history, did you ever think to ask them questions as well?'

Bellamy cut in, defending Clarke. 'She's doing the best she can for our people. They've agreed to take us in and because of that, we have a home now.'

'Okay, so where are the rest of our people? Some are still in cryo and stuck in the ship, correct?' I shook my head, 'It's always whatever that's convenient for you. Not us as a whole.'

'Soon enough, we will bring them here. Right now, we just bring whoever can represent us as a whole and look the best we can.'

'Mhm.' I hummed, staring at Clarke as my thoughts went elsewhere. She brought Madi back, having Gaia by her side as she was trained to control the flame in her neck.

She only brought people who were convenient for her, using us as bait to make ourselves look good when in all reality was that we had a ugly history behind us.

Why couldn't she bring Indra? She was smart in these situations, great at communicating and talking with people. Matter of fact, knew how to handle and escape tough situations. Yet she brought Gaia with us; without her mother. Only to use her to benefit her "daughter", Madi.

The fact was that nothing that was coming out of her mouth made sense; if we were safe and welcomed into the family, why couldn't we bring the rest of our people? Why couldn't we start settling into this "wonderful" place if this was our home now?

'Clarke again with the bullshit. How long will it take for you to betray us this time?' A chuckle escaped my mouth. 'I'll be in here, away from these people while I enjoying the booze I haven't had in years.'

'Same here. I'm going to the bar.' Raven didn't bat an eye before she walked away. I followed her to the back, where the bar counter was.

Sitting down as I took a deep breath, I pouring my first shot. 'I probably should just go back to cryo, pretend that none of this is happening.'

'I hear ya. I'll join you if you actually mean it.' John jumped in, sitting next to me as he poured a shot as well.

'Do we really believe this crap? I mean come on, it's so obvious Russell or someone has something on Clarke.' Raven shook her head, taking a sip from her beer that she had before.

'Clearly, he didn't want us near Sanctum and now he's so welcoming. I agree, something is definitely not right.' I knew I sounded paranoid, but given the fact that Russell almost wanted nothing to do with us, it did sound a bit odd.

Raven looked at me with a smirk on her face. 'You want to snoop around? I mean no offense to them but I just don't trust them.'

Murphy raised his brows, 'The perfect Raven Reyes suddenly wants to be bad? Wow.'

'How is this bad? I need to make sure we're not falling into some trap.'

'I'm down for that. Whatever we need to do to keep us safe.' I smiled.

'Do we have to ruin this?' John sighed, 'I mean come on. We're in paradise right now. Let's leave it be for a few days, enjoy ourselves.'

Raven shook her head as she grinned, 'Okay now you're crazy. You want to turn down being bad?'

John nudged Raven, 'Leave me alone. Recently died here.'

I instantly looked over at him, Murphy noticed too because he apologized. 'I-Sorry Y/N. I guess it's just my way of coping. I'm sorry.'

'Yeah, I know.' I sighed, understanding his part but also sensitive to the subject. It hurt to see him like that and the flashbacks just drove me crazy.'

'This is why we need to keep it be, for now. Let's just enjoy this moment. Y/N, when was the last time you were relaxed?' John smiled, 'Let's go on a date, you and me.'

'A date?' I didn't know why but my mind went blank, what is a date exactly?

My whole life I was trapped in a metal box that was floating out of space, the life after that all I knew was fight and survival. I've never in my life never dreamed or even thought of a date. A moment to spend quality time with a significant other.

'What did you sound like that.' John scratched his head. 'I mean if you don-'

'No, no. It's just that, I've never even thought about any of that stuff.' My cheeks got warmer, I could feel myself blushing. 'I'd love to go on a date with you.'

His eyes widened, John's cheeks getting pink as well. Raven giggled, 'You two act like you haven't seen each other naked. Why are you guys shy all of the sudden.'

The joke made everything worse, our cheeks getting redder. I took another shot and then hit my sister, 'Okay stop with that!'

'What? It's true.'

Murphy rolled his eyes as he laughed at Raven, then turned back to me. 'Meet me in front of the staircase tomorrow night. The one that goes up to that palace, okay?'

I nodded, butterflies in my stomach as I was excited. It had been a long time since I've looked forward to something, hell, it had been a long time since I've been genuinely happy.

Bellamy's POV;

She was smiling, so beautifully and so happily. I haven't seen Y/N smile so genuinely since I left her on Earth. Now she was smiling, except I wasn't the reason behind that joy.

Reyes was done with me now, I knew all the reasoning behind it. Everything she had said about me was true; I was a hypocrite, I was a cheater, I was everything she didn't deserve at all.

Of course she left me for Murphy, he was good. He'd done a lot better in the Ring than I ever did. Hell, anyone up there did better.

Now, I deserve what had come to me. The love of my life with another man, me being miserable once again. But I couldn't complain, I deserve this. After hurting Y/N, not pulling her out of the struggle that she had been facing under the bunker.

She had called for help so many times, the silence but loud cries of suffering that I ignored. Not to mention the fact that I've pushed my sister away also; I didn't know why I was behaving the way that I was.

This time, I was alone. Facing these new strangers that we started sharing their spaces with, facing them by myself. No one wanted to be near me but Clarke. I didn't know how I felt about it, considering Y/N had really strong feeling towards her but it was better than nothing.

The fact of the matter was I had to do better, I had to win Reyes back and make her love me again. Go how it used to be, how it was supposed to be when she flew up to the Ring with us.

But I couldn't tell her my secret; Y/N couldn't know about the six years that happened with me while I was up there. She should never know.