#because why in the hell am i making this much effort on a post for this platform??

[sinterblackwell]

oscars 2022 (book ver.)

there were a lot of books i read this year, a majority of them ones i really enjoyed. even so, it wasn’t that difficult to put together my top ten favorite reads, but i felt very uncomfortable with not getting to talk about books outside that range that still affected me a great deal. so!! this list helps me with that!!

a booktuber (@/Tori Morrow; highly recommend watching their videos, especially if you’re a big fan of sci-fi/fantasy since that’s majorly what they read and talk about) introduced me to this end-of-year activity where i could talk about these books that still stood out to me, even if they didn’t make it to the top 10. i think having trouble wrangling a certain # of stories into a list when you’ve read up to 135 is pretty valid but yeah!!

let the 2022 oscars (book ver.) commence!!

warning: this post is really long :’)

best supporting actress:

- martha wolf from “self-made boys” by anna-marie mclemore

“People always find something wrong with how much or how little women are doing,” Martha said. “We don’t do as much as they think we should, we’re boring or frigid. If we do more than they think we should, we’re easy or fast. There’s no winning. So I kiss exactly as many or as few girls as i want.”

aka my gay awakening. while she’s not the most major side character in this great gatsby retelling, she still has her lines, and she still has a big effect on the story that jumps the gun at times. as sparse as her scenes were with nicolás and gatsby, when she did show up, she always threw me for a loop because i was crushing on her hard lol (still am). also her voice added to the overall message of the novel set during a time where living loud & lavish was the big move but if you were too loud or too honest, you were a pariah. all the rules & expectations are so muddled in their idiocy that even gatsby complains about it, and he’s the one who appears to live the most lavishly of them all!!

but yeah, martha’s character really stood out to me, and the conversations she had with nicolás specifically were phenomenal so i don’t care if she’s seen as more minor compared to daisy or jordan, she’s my supporting character.

best supporting actor:

- alim from “you made a fool of death with your beauty” by akwaeki emezi

“Imagine that, Feyi. We’re alive, and I love you.”

alim will forever go down in literary history as one of the best romantic heroes to date, and it’s all just in how sincere and beautiful his presence in this story is. the moment feyi first lays her eyes on him, there’s this immediate attraction, which just stirs up a lot of trouble and believe me, there is a big storm coming for sure. but alim’s presence in this story is like a steady hand through those rocky waves and he doesn’t just make feyi feel that rush of feeling alive, he makes her feel comfortable in just getting to be in the quiet of the storm, because she knows he’ll always be right there with her if she lets him.

the connection that he & feyi have together when it came to both of them experiencing grief over a lost partner is incredibly profound, and i just loved so much how in a story that was solely in feyi’s pov, we still got to learn so much about alim and see so much of him. the way his love language isn’t just cooking the most heavenly meals, but through his incredible way with words, and how natural and peaceful it feels having him by your side, he’s such a force to be reckoned with.

i wish i could see more of him & feyi, and i wish their romance could’ve gotten the attention it deserved by making it to the finals in the 2022 goodreads choice awards. it was a big big snub to me, but hopefully to heal some of the wounds, their story being mentioned on my part here gives some attention.

best cinematography:

- “city of speed” by alex london

Drakopolis was like one of those dolls that you opened to find a smaller doll inside, and then a smaller doll inside that one, and on and on. You could live your whole life in the city and still discover strange and terrifying new things inside it every day. It was unsettling, Abel thought, but also a little exciting. It was hard to be bored in Drakopolis.

my reading journey with the battle dragons series is one that feels so epic, and yet it also feels so lonely, because no one ever really talks about this middle grade series, and that breaks my heart.

this cyperpunk fantasy with racing dragons and powerful gangs and such immersive storytelling isn’t on a lot of people’s radar and that feels so wrong to me.

one of the best things about it, and especially with this second book here, is how vivid this world feels, how bright & gritty & expansive it is. this story only takes place in this single city called Drakopolis, but it has such a wide impact that it feels like you’re seeing so much of what the author has to offer. the underground races that are considered illegal, the glittering signs of the city and the black markets that sell a vast range of items—all of it so descriptive in this book here that i could see it so clearly in my head, and i loved it a lot.

i loved how cinematic the story felt, and so sweet, and so for that, that’s why i feel it best deserves the winning praise for this category here. hopefully in the future, more readers can see that as well.

best original screenplay:

- “dark room etiquette” by robin roe

If he’s alive, I’ll read his thoughts. If he’s dead, I’ll summon his ghost. Tell me, Daniel, what present do you want?

The big one.

this category speaks to a story that was crafted in a way that makes it stand out, its structure manipulated so as to mimic the story itself. for this book, the start of it felt so monotonous and as if the main character was living in a bubble that was fit to burst. it felt very reminscent of jake from “the taking of jake livingston” by ryan douglass, which garnered some mixed reviews because of how flat the main character read at the beginning. both ya, one horror & one thriller—what both roe & douglass did with these stories was they wrote their characters like that on purpose so that when the tone of the story did shift, when the characters were forced to react to what was happening to them and to those around them, you as the reader were confronted with their break in reality.

it was astonishing to witness how the authors crafted these characters’ surroundings as a nod to how it may have felt for both of them living in a society that acts so completely fake at times and demands conformity but then when there’s a shift, it’s as if the walls fall all around them.

“dark room etiquette” was such a phenomenal read that deserves so much more praise for its writing and the character work as we observe the three different stages of sader’s life that changes him fundamentally. the way he molds itself when the situation calls for it and is left misshapen because he doesn’t have any real sense of his own identity was just…something else, and it made the last quarter of the book so meaningful once he learned how to try & fit back inside himself. but first, he has to reckon with all the trauma he’s endured as other characters and their traumas are also given a spotlight.

best new author (debut or new to me):

- freydís moon

“It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” - “with a vengeance”

for this category, i’m cheating just a tad because one of this author’s works is present in my top 10, but i think when your new favorite authors from this year all have a place in your top 10 list, it goes to show how much they deserve to be considered for this category. the reason why i chose this one as the winner here is because i feel i don’t talk about this author nearly enough.

moon’s social media presence (freydísmoon on insta, freydis_moon on twitter) means the world to me as i watch them promote their writing and also open my eyes to a new genre of literature where erotica meets a holiness like no other, and their descriptions of worship as their characters reclaim their bodies for themselves completely takes your breath away. i feel an immense sentimentality for the fact that the characters of exodus 20:3 and with a vengeance are latine, and so the representation is even more powerful because the latine community have our own kind of relationships to the Catholic faith and how our identities can be disconnected from family.

each of moon’s books have such different tones but share similar threads that as a reader, is so completely beautiful because it’s such a versatile experience. with with a vengeance being the one with the most anger & violence, it’s amazing seeing moon release three kings a couple months after, a cozy fantasy set in a small seaside town that has its own power with the forces of magic and exploration of fertility. their writing is like complete chaos but it’s a welcome one that i’m so thankful to have found, and i’m really excited for their new release set to come in early february as i know it’ll be absolutely everything.

best ensemble cast:

- the characters of “fragile remedy” by maria ingrande mora

Keep going, Pixel. Keep going.

i have a very soft spot for this small group who are forced to live out in the Withers, a ravaged wasteland left abandoned after an illness swept through society and tore these characters down into drug-ridden spaces as those with much more power built their own utopia.

while the narrative of the story is mainly told through the eyes of nate, his little found family and the other characters he attaches himself to are bigger than life and make their own home in this dystopian society where it’s every life for themselves. the difference though, is that this group stick together, and in this broken society that leaves others high & dry, sticking together in a group is probably the smartest choice so as to not simply fade away.

there’s one character, specifically, in this ensemble, whose relationship with nate i absolutely adore, and it was such a heartbreaking dynamic that is so unconventional but is a product of how broken this society has gotten. alden & nate’s connection is very significant to me, and is one i’ll never forget; it pains me that not more readers know about these characters at all, but i’m just glad for now i discovered this story the way i did, which was completely by chance.

best book i haven’t read yet:

- “the midnight girls” by alicia jaskinska

i love this category because the pressure i feel to read this book is so strong with how quickly i knew it deserves this spot here.

i really really have to read this book soon. i had the perfect opportunity to read this story of monsters back in october for the halloween season, and if not then, then just reading it during the fall would’ve been fine. but no, now we’re in winter where currently the temperatures are below freezing in my area, and i am barely holding on. i’m certain that with zosia’s comfort in the cold and ice of winter, reading this book in january would be another good opportunity.

whenever i do read this story, i know it’ll be so fun, and so interesting as well because the writing i could already tell is beautiful as hell, and it’s so wicked these characters. i can already feel the anticipation for something guaranteed to be five stars by how good its premise is, so i just need to hop on quick.

best director:

- ryan la sala for “the honeys”

what i like about this category is that “best director” isn’t simply dedicated to an author who had the best writing or whatever. there were a lot of authors i met this year whose stories went in all different directions that took me to some extreme highs & lows, it was mind-numbing as hell. but what this category is really spoken for is when it comes to a certain type of writer who just really took the story to a whole new level that left you completely boggled.

originally, this category felt best directed towards tal bauer with “stars”, whose direction of the story was books in the making and because of that, it felt so much more epic than ever. but since i wanted to exclusively highlight some books that weren’t included in my top 10 favorite reads list, ryan la sala’s debut horror novel was the best contender for this position.

the writing in this ya is so surreal and deadly in its descriptions of an atmospheric setting glowing with light but that is rooted in strange visions and manipulative strings. it’s a compliment i don’t shut up about and never will because the fact that it was so surreal made the direction it went towards in its ending absolutely bonkers, and i still can’t quite wrap my head around it after the two months i’ve read it since.

what i can say is that i very much look forward to more of what this author has planned next in their writing career because it’s clear they have their own visions that on paper will blow readers’ minds, and i’m totally here for it.

best actress:

- mina rahman from “a show for two” by tashie bhuiyan (runner up: cherry neita from “the princess trap” by talia hibbert)

I wish for happiness in whatever form it might be.

tashie bhuiyan has quickly solidified herself to be one of my utmost favorite ya authors because of how much i absolutely adore her main characters. with only two books under her belt, bhuiyan has swept me away with not just some of the sweetest ya romances i’ve ever read, but also some of the most wonderful & hard-hitting narrators that i’ve met. karina from counting down with you meant so much to me when i was reading her story last year in 2021, and now this year i got to read mina’s, and it made me cry just as much as i did last year, if not a little more.

karina’s story filled me with a lot of anxiety because of how much pressure was building on her shoulders due to her desperate need to please her parents who have such high & unattainable expectations for her—and i say unattainable because it means it would cut away at karina’s happiness, and she would have to lose parts of herself in order to make them happy. for mina, she’s much more defiant with her parents, much more poised when it came to holding her head up high against her parents’ disgust of her attitude and just her presence in general. her defiance isn’t one that stems from acting like your usual stubborn & rebellious teenager, but rather one who’s had to grow up way too fast on her own and has had to fight to get what she wants no matter what. her parents have shamed her so much for her dreams and have tried to make her feel stupid for wanting to make it big in film and believing that she does have that chance. to see such a strong character try to beat back against those low expectations but then have moments where they still get so tired, it was incredibly difficult.

i think one of the hardest things about tashie bhuiyan’s stories up to this point is the very very toxic relationship that the main characters have with their parents. the pure shame & disappointment these adult figures hassle on their eldest daughters, even if it’s portrayed in different ways, it is such a heavy & emotional experience to read about. i’ve been made aware how it’s this portrayal that mixes up a lot of readers because of the stigma that it reinforces of how Muslim families interact. i can’t speak on the Muslim representation, i just really connected a lot to karina & mina, and i wished so much for their happiness because i believed so much in them as other characters believed in them, too—what was most important was seeing them get to believe in themselves and their aspirations, and it was a hard journey to get there. i feel very very protective of these characters, and this is one of those instances where i won’t stand for any backlash against them, especially mina, because i’m of the strong belief that they deserve none of it, and that is that on that.

the reason why i added cherry here from the princess trap as like the “runner up” is because she was just such a fun & sweet character that is partly what made my first talia hibbert book such a memorable experience. the way that she’s so confident in herself and her style is what draws the eye of other characters, especially ruben, and i was absolutely obsessed with how obsessed they were with her because she really is that character. her presence in the story was so mystifying but she wasn’t some mirage, this was all her, she was real & she was stunning as hell. she’s very relatable and she’s one of those fictional characters i wish i could have in my life because her voice was absolutely everything, and she’s someone i could genuinely look up to.

it was very important to me to include her in this category because of that.

best actor:

- amastan from “the perfect assassin” by k.a. doore (runner up: reid giordano from “fire season” by k.d. casey)

I choose to believe that your strong sense of justice will prevail among your kind and that you will emerge as their natural leader, even if I cannot believe in what you do.

the funny thing with this one is that at first, reid was immediately my first choice because he was everything!! he was such a brilliant main character who went through such a tough and honest character journey that was so well-developed and he’s still growing!!

but then i thought about amastan from the chronicles of ghadid series, and how my immense love for his voice in the story was enough for me to rate the first book a little higher than i would’ve if he wasn’t the main character. and you want to know something that still blows my mind?? amastan apparently didn’t even exist as a main character in the original draft of this series!!

so yeah, he’s someone that’s stuck with me a lot: and it’s partly because of how he was our first glimpse into this family of cousins who assassinate their targets for the better of their city. i loved his love for history & the way he challenges the idea of what a good assassin is supposed to emulate, and his character in general just hit a sweet spot in my brain that has now had me latch myself to him, and to this world he lives in that made my entire chronicles of ghadid experience such an immersive read.

he has his morals and he wants to believe in the better of others, but he’s still really strict when it comes to crossing that line, and that makes him an absolutely wonderful mentor, as we see in book two. i was really happy to see his pov again in the final book, even if it was pretty brief, but he still had a larger than life role in my heart and in this series. i am very thrilled that it took a random bookstagram post to have given me the opportunity to meet him in the first place.

.

.

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and that is a wrap!!

[hazelfoureyes]

⟢Alastor x Cupid FemReader Tasked with making a demon believe in true love or you can’t return to heaven, things immediately go off the rails when you hurt yourself and Alastor catches one of your most troubling arrows; Mania

˚₊ · »-♡→ Week 1 and Week 2

˚₊ · »-♡→Week 3 and Week 4 smut💦 (keep reading)

Alastor lets you leave the hotel! Together! For soup. Later, your plans to make Alastor lose his obsession backfire. But like, in a hot way so you’re not that mad about it. A+ for effort?

˚₊ · »-♡→Week 5, Week 6, Week 7, and Epilogue smut💦

「warnings/promises: smut, I once again misuse a fucking prayer in a sacrilegious way, soup, spoon feeding, Angel texts, so much cum, bondage, tentacles, just good ole fashion fucking in the radio station, not quite dubcon but Alastor doesn’t really listen, hell has twitter and lets be real it’s just normal twitter, giant Alastor, Horse Luci」

Minors DNI ♥️ 🧹lovingly

You finally managed to leave the hotel. It was of course with Alastor at your side, microphone pressing into the small of your back like a third arm. It was as if he worried you’d just turn around and run.

He opened every door, pulled out your chair, and when your left hand shook and dropped your food he took on the task of feeding you. It was embarrassing, to say the very least. The sinners in the restaurant staring, a brave few filming or typing furiously on their phones.

You got a buzz on your own cell, a gift from Angel when he realized Alastor wouldn’t let you speak with others alone. 

He texted a link to a post on some hell site, to a photo of you right then, at that exact moment, being spoon fed by the radio demon. You considered smashing your head into the table until you blacked out. If you got up and left would you make it back to the hotel before someone realized you weren’t a sinner? You were absolutely terrified of someone noticing you as heaven sent.

Heaven kicked? Heaven thrown. Yeah that one felt right.

“You need to eat. You can’t heal like this.” Alastor sounded concerned, but you fought the urge to care. 

He hadn’t apologized to Husk, but Husk did say Alastor seemed to avoid eye contact which was basically a gift to him. Alastor had come to your room to dress you the next day as he always did, neither of you mentioning the day before. The hall was magically pristine by the time you left.

A tiny sliver of you thought he felt embarrassed. But decades of experience told you that Mania didn’t afford embarrassment, the stricken couldn’t be truly manic if something like that was holding them back.

Maybe it had been such a shallow cut he hadn’t gotten the full punch of Mania?

Another attempt to feed yourself, slowly bringing your spoon to your mouth, “You know when I heal I am going to finish my task and leave, right?” 

An odd laugh, a non-existent tear wiped away, “Adorable. No. I promise you, that won’t happen.”

“Alastor.” You put the spoon down with a clink.

“I love when you say my name. May I offer you more reasons to hold it in your mouth?”

“Al-,” you groaned, “I can’t stay forever.”

He hummed, a show of pretending to think about what you said, “Wrong! You can. And I argue, you will.”

You tried again with the spoon, regretting soup. Your appetite had been shot for awhile and it seemed easy enough. Wrong. Again. There was a constant tremble to your hands since arriving. Perhaps experiencing pain for the first time was rattling your body so much that it couldn’t cope. “Why would I ever do that? This is literal hell.”

Alastor leaned over, taking the spoon from you with ease and bringing it to your mouth, “Because I’ll make you understand it’s where you belong. They didn’t appreciate you,” his grin widened, “Not like I do. Like I can, if you’d let me.”

Annoyed and flustered, you took the help to eat. “Thank you.” A spoonful, “How can you say that though? I’m the one and only Cupid.”

“Actually, no. You’re not. You are just the current incarnation. They’ll replace you.” 

You regretted telling him that. They could. Just replace you, that is. There was nothing stopping them. You stared into your soup, lips curling down.

“Don’t look so defeated. I’ll make you happy, for eternity.” 

Your eyes rolled. “When do you plan on starting that eternal happiness?”

You didn’t look at him when you said it, but you could see his hand slow, then become completely still. Had you wounded him?

He pivoted, “Doesn’t Cupid have wings?”

Another spoonful, “Of course.”

Alastor waited while you took a drink, determined to make you eat the entire bowl, “Where are they?”

A pause. Where were they? You hadn’t realized you couldn’t feel them. They weren’t everpresent, but their weight still sat between your shoulder blades at all times. Always. Normally. But now? 

“You don’t know? That’s troubling.” Alastor read your face with ease.

You shot him a look. Stop doing that. Stop replying to unspoken thoughts.

“Apologies.”

Another text before you could snap at him.

You slid the phone away from Alastor, face red. “Do you think, honestly, if you’re capable of it, that I’ll ever be able to go home?”

His hand came to your neck, running over your collarbone, “For the record, I’ve never once lied to you.” You rolled your eyes, fine, okay, “With your heavenly body, even as weakened as you have been here, I’d say just a few more weeks.”

You turned the phone face down.

“Good…that’s good. If you plan on winning me over, your countdown has started.” You pushed the soup away, appetite gone. The idea of never returning to heaven made you nauseous. He slid it back to you, face stern despite the smile he wore.

The walk home was quiet, your stomach full of unwanted soup.

No, not home. The hotel. 

He usually spoke a lot, clearly loving the sound of his own voice. His hand replaced the staff, settled on your back as he guided you. You could feel the warmth through your clothes. How could he be so hot and not be sweating? Another sinner thing?

The thought hadn’t left you by the time you came into view of the hotel gates. Maybe you had been replaced. How would you know? Maybe that was why your wings were gone. Surely there was some way to communicate from hell.

You found Lucifer as soon as you returned, unbothered by Alastor’s presence, “I need to speak to heaven.” 

Alastor was saying something but you had gotten quite good at tuning him out. Lucifer snapped back, the men quickly devolving into arguing again.

“Lucifer.” You said it with your chest. 

His apple topped cane whirled, a golden circle appearing with a crystal clear image of heaven’s glowing gates through its center.

A loud noise erupted behind you, a high pitched static wail, familiar tentacles flailed and a long shadow of a growing Alastor stretched across the wall. His back was bent into the lobby ceiling, perhaps three stories tall now.

The sounds of magic popping as Lucifer shapeshifted accented the sounds of horror with that of whimsy. You approached the portal, those black tendrils slithering around your ankles but you easily slipped out of them as their owner's energy was pulled to full demon Lucifer slamming into him.

Almost, you could see it. 

A monstrously large hand came down, shaking the hotel and knocking various objects off their perches in the lobby. Charlie and Vaggie, someone else you’d come to enjoy the company of, flew down the stairs.

The common area was filled with the sounds of yelling and breaking glass. You crawled over his hand as Alastor’s fingers curled around your body gingerly. He tried to pull you from the gateway but while he slowed, Lucifer now a flying horse kicking him in the face, your outstretched hand strained to enter the portal.

Your fingers grazed the doorway, the air around the lobby fizzing and warping as a desperate screech tore from Alastor’s wide and impossibly thin chest. The grip tightened around you. A static whine threatened to pop your eardrums.

As your fingertips pressed past the ring, they stopped. Something impenetrable and unseen between you and heaven. 

Alastor must have noticed it too, his grip loosening as you clamored on hand and knees to the portal. Your palm ran over the doorway, searching for a hole or seam to rip. Just under your skin was your home, bright and clean and painless. A tiny ‘no’ fell from your lips, smacking at the barrier with your open hand.

Alastor returned to his normal, still terrifying, height. Lucifer came forward, their fight losing motivation, his small hand on your shoulder as you sat on the hotel lobby floor. He closed the portal and apologized, “Sorry kid. Let’s try again when you finish that task, okay?”

Alastor’s arms went under your back and knees and lifted you off the ground. You didn’t resist or argue. Your eyes were unfocused, vision blurry with tears, as you were carried past the others. Vaggie looked ashamed, which was odd given she had more character than half the archangels could muster together between them.

There existed permissions for who could enter the heavenly realm, a list meticulously kept. They’d removed you from that roster. They’d locked the doors behind you.

You felt good. The final week of your first, and hopefully last, month in hell was marked with taking off your sling for the first time.

A good three day wallow in a metaphorical cave helped you emerge with renewed vigor. Of course they locked the gates behind you, otherwise you’d just go home. That made sense. That made sense.

That had to make sense. 

Deciding to take a risk and attempt to expedite your homecoming, you and Angel made plans. Like a teenager in a party movie you snuck out of the hotel when Alastor was asleep. Well, so you assumed. You weren’t really sure what he did behind closed doors.

Angel brought you somewhere he felt people would be receptive to discussing love and talking to angelic beings, and admittedly also very high. 

Sling off but still being as gentle as you could, you leaned across the small standing-only table to talk-shout with a rather cute aquatic demon. An eel? Or maybe some kind of water-fond lizard? It didn’t matter, his glasses were cute, both of you a little drunk,  and you quite good at saying the right things.

And all of the right things were said, and you felt maybe if nothing else you’d enjoy your first demonic lay, when the power shut off.

Everyone filed out, bummed and bothered to find most of the neighborhood shrouded in darkness.

Angel tapped your shoulder and pointed up the hill to the hotel, radio station a glow with a red light, “Ya know, I wouldn’t be surprised.” Nothing to do but to stare, you stayed quiet and angry while he flagged down a taxi knowing the trip would be fast without traffic lights, “Guess Daddy Dead Eyes is calling you back.” 

Anger grew and grew in your chest as you were charioted home.

Jesus, to the hotel. Stop doing that.

You burst into the radio station tower, Alastor barely reacting. Until, that is, you marched up to his desk.

Pinned before you could react, his body pressing into yours as your ass ran up onto the desk.

“Sneaking out like a child?” His voice was low, soft, unnatural. “Why do you intentionally torment me?” 

 “I have done,” you tried to move but only succeeded in rubbing your stomach against his crotch, “no such thing. You’re just possessed.”

He responded by pressing forward, no accident, as his eyes narrowed on you, “Correct. I am a man possessed.” When he rolled himself into you, an alcohol primed groan escaped your mouth. 

“I thought you didn’t care about those things,” your eyes flashed to his lap pushing into you and then back to his glare.

“You’re my exception that proves the rule. If you’re so desperate for attention there’s no need to leave the hotel to find it.” His smile was poisoned by the simmering anger in his eyes, “Dear.”

It was the alcohol and annoyance at losing a chance with glasses-man, Jake or Jark or something not worth a scrabble move, that made you sneer a reply, “Not yours. I am a divine creature, demon. Your body would just filthy me.” Nose up, feeling absolutely better than him in every sense, you pushed him off and left. 

That was easy. Wow. 

Proud of yourself, you made it to the elevator before you realized— illusions. Perhaps his illusion was the idea sex with you was worth the effort, more so than others. He said it himself before, he didn’t care for such things. Perhaps if you could show him it was as boring and unattractive as sex with anyone else could be, maybe you could shatter his mania with disappointment.

You pulled a u-turn and heel-toed right back into his station. Giving him no time to react this time, you climbed onto his chair and straddled him, “On second thought, try your worst. Let’s get it out of your system and move on.” You ground your hips down. He only smiled up at you, amused. Taking his hands you set them on your waist, giving him permission to handle you, “Claim me. Make everyone know I’m yours.” He didn’t move. You were starting to feel embarrassed, had he goaded you just to make you look stupid? He would.  But your kind invented the tension before sex between enemies, “If you can.”

That did it. His hair visibly stood on end, “It is not a matter of ability. It’s about-”

“If you can’t, that’s fine. No need to start lying to me now. But don’t say I never gave you the opportunity.” You smirked, hoping he enjoyed a taste of his own sardonic medicine, and lifted yourself off of him.

His hands came to life on your hips, helping you rise and then flipping you onto your stomach. Your arms pushed radio transmitters and various old timey fuckery away to make room for yourself.

Those talons slipped up the center of your bottoms and crooked into your underwear. Long and strong, his fingers felt you. “Is this a perk of a heavenly body or is this,” two fingers dipped into your already wet and relaxed entrance, “all for me?”

You fought the urge to respond with anything other than malice, “Don’t flatter yourself.”

In heaven no one needs preparation, no one needs lube or required stretching to keep things whole and fun. You would love to say that quality followed you down, but unfortunately, like perfect health and angelic wings, it had not. 

You decided to chalk it up to the alcohol. Always an easy excuse to offer yourself.

Alastor’s hands pulled away and up, finding the place just above the Rosie’s Emporium clothing tag and ripping the bottoms and underwear clean in half.

You bit into your hand to keep your excited shriek to yourself but unfortunately couldn’t stop your legs kicking up. His laugh echoed off the many windows. 

Why couldn’t he be worse at this? Why couldn’t Alastor be clumsy and meek and awkward at sex? No, the menace you’d gotten almost used to was confident and commanding, you felt yourself twitching in anticipation. People have a misconception that Cupid was a chaste and wholly emotional creature, which was false. First of all, Cupids varied based on the incarnation. Just like other heavenly creatures their personality was varied and unpredictable. 

Personally, you weren’t suited for the job. If you were honest. Why couldn’t your quiver just be full of Eros and Agape? Even of those two, sexual love was more your speed. Romance was fine and lovely but perhaps you’d gotten a little jaded. 

Luckily for you, fucking Cupid was something many winners had on their afterlife bucket lists and you rarely found yourself with an empty bed.

Your attention was stolen back, Alastor’s clawed hand grabbing at the flesh of your thighs, “Oops.”

Focus. Why were you doing this again? Your system was metabolizing the alcohol now, and with the air cooling off your exposed sex, everything was awash with lust. Did you want to diminish his mania or were you just horny?

Would it really be so bad to admit you were both?

Deep breath, you remembered. Boring. Banal. The plan was to be motionless and not provide him any satisfying sounds. Don’t touch him, don’t try to push back on him, no tricks or fancy shit. The sooner he was over this you could make someone trust in love and fuck off home. 

Seconds turned to a minute, your ass in the air as Alastor’s hands pawed at your skin. You wanted to ask what the hold up was, but you didn’t want to give away how much you were needing him to just fuck you already.

“Do you miss flying?”

You looked around, were you so drunk you missed an entire chunk of conversation while thinking about how to hide thirsting for his dick?

“Yes…?” True statement.

“Allow me to help with that.”

There was a moment you half expected to be chucked out the window, but almost worse than that, you heard him seat himself in the chair again before your body was picked up and off the desk. “Alastor! I don’t-,” Hands flailing, feet moving around the best they could, you struggled against the familiar tentacles he had command over. “I do not allow it!”

Your hands batted at them fruitlessly. One came under your knees and folded them to either side of your chest before wrapping around your waist twice, a second across your chest like a seatbelt snug and secure. Had you been on the floor you could almost be mistaken for taking a deeply devout praying stance. Only your arms were free to move, the position making you open and incapable of taking back any semblance of control. 

“Alastor!” Stretching, you could almost reach the edge of his work table, but your fingers and toes curled in as you were seated on something hot and stiff. Your lips quivered, desperate to keep silent as you were pulled down onto him. Reaching back your hands found his stomach, raking your nails across the skin in need of anything to grip. 

When you heard him chuckle to himself, you knew you were already losing. Plan backfiring entirely. You pulled your hands back to your center, taking ahold of the tentacle nestled between and across your chest. 

“Heavenly Father,” his voice was quiet but sure, your eyes so wide you worried you’d get stuck making a permanent face of utter shock and despair, “bless us and these thy gifts which we receive from thy bountiful goodness, through your name, our lord.” You were lifted off his lap, Alastor’s swollen tip dragging along your unstretched walls as he said the Lord's prayer, “Amen.” Pulled back down before the second syllable even reached your ears, you cut into your bottom lip as a scream bounced around behind your teeth.

Heathen.

“I would think you of all people knew how to finish a prayer.” Alastor chided, “What will heaven say?”

If heaven knew you were being impaled midair on an overlord’s cock, they’d create a second hell for you to rule. Population of none. Except maybe some horny nuns.

As he found a pace he seemed happy with, slow and long draws out of you, you realized how fucked you were. Looking down, you could see one of his hands was settled at the base of his cock, those long fingers draped down his balls. The other hand was unseen and unfelt. 

“Alastor.” You tried to sound stern.

“Oh I doubt heaven knows my name. Not yet at least.” He sounded unbothered, almost unaffected. “Not until I’ve spirited away their little angel of love.”

You were almost insulted at how easily he could speak despite being buried so far into your wet, hot cunt. Maybe you had been spoiled in heaven, people usually so turned on by the idea of you that they were coming undone as soon as you were wrapped around them or in them in whatever way you decided.  

A broken chant of “be bored, be bored,” in your mind as Alastor hummed, that mystery clawed hand falling at your back. Biting your lip, you tried to think about anything other than how full he was making you. Did the glasses man at the club have a cock as thick as Alastor’s? Would you have been as satisfied as you were now? Every down thrust made the tuft of fur at this base press against your ass. Soft. You wanted to grind against it, the idea pulling a wanton moan out.

Fuck. Failing to distract yourself because you got distracted. It was so hard to think about anything else than your body being pushed open again and again. The blood on your lips was sweet, licking them clean before finding a new spot to bite down on. Quiet.

“Ah, are you giving me the silent treatment?”

Could this son of a bitch read minds? Could sinners read minds?!

 If you didn’t reply, that was confirmation. But if you did reply, you were breaking your goal of not talking.

“Just…,” you took a deep sigh, knowing this was going to be rough, “I’m not really feeling like making any noise.” A shrug, the best you could manage at least while bound and held aloft in the space above his lap. Pretending this was normal and boring was a feat. “I’m not a vocal person during sex. I prefer to just lie there and get serviced. Don’t mind me.”

That sounded awful. Perfect. 

“Oh? Well then, I guess I’ll not worry myself.” You could hear the smile in his voice. Less perfect. He began to hum a little tune as your body, partially upright, was now being tilted forward at a 45 degree angle from his lap. His cock was bending in you, head pressing harshly up into your walls. 

Heart beating so fast you felt a dizzy spell hit you, that renewed anticipation almost as arousing as the sensations.

His humming continued like he was reading the paper. You’d never ridden a roller coaster, but you’d seen many people do it before and this was surely the same feeling; right at the peak before the drop. When the ride operator stills you and lets you stare down at the height before you. Your stomach was flipping, excitement tinged with fear. 

You were pulled off his dick until you felt the bell of his red tip get just outside your entrance. Was he going to pull out entirely?

No. He pulled you down by way of shadows and fucked you just a couple inches into your cunt. His head was dragging out past your tight hole and smashing back in, directly hitting your g-spot. The spongy bundle of nerve endings was dented with every thrust.

You weren’t used to having your entrance stimulated so much, the skin luckily becoming slick as your own wetness was fucked out of you. 

“That feels weird, please.” How quickly you gave up. “Stop pulling out like that.”

A considerate sigh, “But you’ve gotten so wet, my dear. You’re dripping down my thighs already. I don’t think you want me to stop.”

Could you cum like this? You felt like you could, maybe if you just…you quickened your breath, faster and faster. Your stomach heaving, you felt the crescendo of pleasure. 

“On second thought!” He stopped.

Your toes wiggled, hands gripping the tentacle on your chest. Quiet. Shh. Don’t argue. Boring. Don’t care. The building orgasm waned, you felt your blood pressure lower. This really was hell. 

Alastor’s head was just sitting in you, burning hot and throbbing. You were sure you could feel his heartbeat. 

You two were locked in a standoff. Someone had to let on they were enjoying themselves; Alastor releasing pent up frustration with your attitude toward his affections, you chasing down a rare penetration-only orgasm. 

An idea struck you, a way to hopefully antagonize him and bruise his pride enough to force him into your hand (pussy), “Thank God. I think it’s almost my bedtime.”

Alastor’s smile strained, a twitch coming over his left eye. A trap. But the idea of letting you down and off of him seemed far worse than the small defeat you were offering. “Allow me to rock you to sleep then, sweetheart.”

Success! Shit! 

You reached out, the angle of your punishment allowing you to grab the edge of the table and grip. Alastor’s annoyance translated to an inhuman pace, him pulling you off entirely from his cock before bringing you back down. He was positively slipping in and out of you, your lower lips puffy and soaked around him. This degree of wetness was something you couldn’t remember feeling outside of marathon sessions. 

When your hands tightened, a shock of pain tore down your arm, a scream bringing Alastor to a sudden stop. “My collar…” Pain was apparently not a kink you enjoyed, though you briefly wondered if heaven allowed it at all. 

You couldn’t even fuck properly. You couldn’t do anything right. All you managed to do was fail. A sting to your eyes as the air hit your welling tears. Did humans feel this pain often? Your body was righted and turned, you looked down to Alastor’s face as you were brought to him. He looked so soft, usual smirk a sweet toothless smile, “I told you to keep the sling on, didn’t I?” He looked happy.

Your arms found his shoulders and your head came to his chest, “Shut up and finish already.” He didn’t release you from the binding, instead pulling the right arm under the hold of his slender tendril to keep it safe and out of the way.  His hands were both at the base of his cock while you were gently riding him. Well, “you”. He was still using his powers to manipulate your body on and off of him. Alastor’s fingers were spreading your arousal down his shaft and along his tightening balls, if you had looked at his face you’d have seen a weakened man there, furrowed brows and lust drunk eyes. But you didn’t look, trying to hide the same expression on your own features. 

Left hand free, no need to hold yourself up, you made lazy, and you hoped subtle, circles around your clit. You weren’t sure if this was a total failure or not, but you could finish and say something good came of it. You, specifically. 

Things were quiet, though. The loudest sound in the room was the wet pop coming from where his body was meeting your sopping hole. His breathing was fast and soft, sighing when he bottomed out. Another bite to your lip, a few more deep hits to your cervix, and you enjoyed a small but satisfying release. The hand on you stayed through, riding out tiny waves of pleasure as you twitched around him. When you felt his release you sighed, you did it. You think. Maybe. Regardless. 

As he slowly lifted you, you considered if your legs could hold you—

Up you went and back down you fell as he took a new, quicker pace.

“A-Ah-lastor?! You,” you bit your tongue, “already finished?”

You had made a mistake earlier that you hadn’t even realized. But Alastor had been holding it between his sharp teeth, “How many times?”

Absolutely no idea what he was talking about, you gasped out a reply, “What!?”

“How many times should I fill you before you’re too filthy to return to heaven, do you think?” He couldn’t be serious. “Three? Five? You see, the advantage of using my tentacles is that I don't get tired.”

Oh, but he was serious. 

The battle was entirely forfeit somewhere around the third time he flooded you with his seed.

“These aren’t the usual screams I enjoy from my studio, but I’m not averse to them.”

 When he felt you’d learned whatever lesson you were supposed to be taking in by the pump full, you were finally removed from him. He covered your lower half with his coat around your waist. It would be lying to say you were surprised to find his wide shoulders and small waist wasn’t just an illusion of his well tailored, yet oddly torn, coat. He was annoyingly attractive. Who gave him the right?

Your legs gave out when you tried to stand, warm hands pulling under your armpits to get you back on your feet. As much as you wanted to push him away, you were still a little tipsy and your legs still getting used to full blood flow. His arm held out for you to use for stability, you took it and wobbled silently to the floor you both lived on. Before you left the elevator you looked down and saw a line of white dripping down your inner leg. Took longer than you expected, honestly. 

When you turned to the right to go to your door, his arm came around your waist and shepherded you to his room on the left. You shot him a look, asking what he thought he was doing. 

He laughed, “Oh, after tonight’s little escapade, you’re moving!” He opened his door and gestured for you to enter, “Welcome home, my dear.”

What was worse than a failure? A catastrophe? This was that. 

“Now come on, we need to get you cleaned up.” A hand patted softly at your ass before ushering you inside.

He did just that, wiping you down and undressing you before settling you into his bed. Exhausted and sore, you decided to argue after sleep.

When you awoke, you checked your shredded bottoms for your phone. Nothing. 

An answer was found when you mentioned it to Alastor, who asked what you were searching for so early in the morning, “Perhaps someone at that venue you enjoyed has it? Too bad you can’t go back and ask.” He was resting his back against the headboard, you realized he’d unbuttoned his shirt quite a bit. “Oh well!”

How was he always making you scream?

ᡣ𐭩ˋ°•*⁀➷ masterlist

∰ Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult (general tag list):

@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei , @wettiny-in-smutland , @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog , @coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic , @poinappel , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum ,

@ivebeenthearchersstuffn, @rubyninja1 , @simphornies , @alleystore , @readergirlstuff , @berry-demon , @chirimeimei , @fairyv-ice , @olive-frog , @thonethatflies620 , @tiredkiwiii , @ilikemyteawithmilk , @whateverlololo , @psipies , @howabouticallyou , @roxxie-wolf , @ive-no-idea-what-to-call-this , @fizzled-phoenix , @fjorjestertealeaf , @phobophobular , @surusurusuru , @mariaclarade-la-cruz1 , @whateverlololo , @simplyonehellofanotaku , @xixflower , @i-am-nonbinary-bean-deal-with-it , @roxxie-wolf , @a-case-of-attachment , @multifandomfanatic02 , @watereddownmilk , @raynerrold , @crazii-saber-wolf , @valkyrie-expeditions , @bontensbabygirl , @sillyb0nez , @oo0lady-mad0oo , @jazzmasternot , @pseudobun , @fraugwinska✨, @alitaar , @straows , @alastorssimp , @angelicwillows , @b-o-n-e-daddy , @one-and-only-tay , @asleeponelmstreet , @tremendoushearttaco , @mutifandomkid , @sapphirecaelis , @itzzzkiramylove  @saccharine-nectarine , @viannasthings , @looking1016 , @ultimate-duck-king-lucifer , @blakeaha , @astraechos , @reath-solia ,

🏹Alastor stalkers: @celestial-vomit , @amurtan

@faeoffaith , sailorsmouth , @jeannyjaykaydeh , @jyoongim , @cosmic-lavender , @saturn-alone , @lustylita , @radio-darling , @kaylopolis , @dickmastersworld , @leviskittywh0re

@asianfrustration13 @alittletiredcry @sirens-and-moonflowers @alastorssimp

[lycheedr3ams]

König would NOT cheat!

heated rant about my opinions on könig's loyalty to his s/o

part of the exploring könig's character series (organized masterlist to come)

disclaimer: i am not judging any fanfic writers for the things that I am going to discuss in this post. i don't mean hate towards anyone. but also, this fandom has really gotten away from how characters are in canon just to satisfy the readers' desires. fanon is NOT canon, and it should not be!

König would not cheat.

think about it. he grew up likely with few to no friends, could never really connect with anyone, was an outcast. then his s/o comes along and completely breaks his walls down and accepts him for who he is. do you seriously think he would cheat on the one person he ever trusted enough with his whole heart? the only person in his whole life who ever accepted him for who he was?

i've seen some fanfictions that said König would come back from a bar with hickeys all the time, or how he would cheat on you repeatedly throughout your relationship. (firstly, in all of these fanfictions, the reader stayed with König. idgaf who you're with, if you've been cheated on, leave! this is setting such a bad example for impressionable people). I don't think the writers who described these types of scenarios understand social anxiety or what it's like to grow up ostracized. when someone has social anxiety (i can speak on this topic since I have it) they're not going to just go up to strangers and start making out with them or do random hookups. especially in König's case, since not only does he have social anxiety, he is often feared by others and adopted the "lone wolf" persona so that people would leave him alone. for him, it was easier that way.

and why the hell would König even want to cheat on the one person he can trust? how could König give up that trust and love just for a one night stand or some random drunken make-out at a bar? also, i don't really see König going to bars by himself, let alone making out or fucking a random girl. König knows what it's like to be alone, to have absolutely no one. do we really think König would give up his s/o just for some momentary fun? i don't think so at all.

i can't even imagine how much time it would take to build a relationship with König, and how much effort it would take too. I think König would see and appreciate that time and effort you invested in him and rarely, if ever, take it for granted. he would appreciate everything you do to make him feel accepted and loved. and to give that up to kiss a random girl? he'd never.

i honestly don't know how to best articulate into words the intense emotions i have on this topic. it literally boils my blood when I see fanfic writers saying König would cheat on you, because he fucking would NOT! people who think a life-long outcast would cheat on the one person who ever accepted them have clearly never known what it's felt like to truly be an outcast.

i will shout it from the rooftops. König would not cheat.

and fine, let's say hypothetically he DID cheat... I don't think he'd ever be able to look you in the eye again. he'd be so ashamed for what he did when he remembered how lucky he was to have your love. he would be quiet and shaky and would never forgive himself. he wouldn't be able to shamelessly come back to you every time like so many fanfictions I've read said he could

[sidekick-hero]

Carry you

(steddie | rated t | wc: 4k | cw: drug addiction, hurt Eddie Munson, post break-up, hopeful ending | @steddielovemonth | prompt by @starryeyedjanai "Love is letting someone take care of you" | AO3)

When Eddie opens his eyes, he has no idea where he is.

That should probably scare him, but the only thing he can think in that moment between blissful nothingness and cold, hard reality is "the bathroom at the party looked different." Because he is in a bathroom, that much he can say. There are white tiles everywhere and a roll of toilet paper in front of him and... is that a plastic handrail?

Lifting his head is a Herculean effort, but somehow he manages to do it, even though it makes his stomach turn.

In front of him is a freestanding shower and a bathtub with stairs to get into. The bathroom is huge and sterile, smelling of disinfectant.

As more and more of his senses come back online, Eddie notices several things at once:

#1 He's wearing what can barely be called a gown, cold air hitting his exposed skin everywhere. His back, his legs, hell, even his junk gets more of a breeze than he likes.

#2 He's nauseous, his stomach rolls uncomfortably, and his head is killing him, a sharp pain that's increasing in intensity by the second.

#3 He knows that something is definitely very, very wrong and he can feel the anxiety rising like bile in his throat.

It's that last realization that triggers his fight or flight response and in seconds he's off the toilet he's sitting on, the sudden movement sending him stumbling, his legs wobbling and his head spinning. Everything hurts and he feels so weak. He catches himself on the railing next to the toilet and figures that's what it's there for. Although he has no idea what kind of person would have such a strange bathroom. The last one he was in, at Tim's or Tom's or Terry's party, something with a T, for sure, the tiles had been black and there had been a lot of bamboo furniture and gold accents. It had smelled nice too, vanilla and cinnamon.

He staggers to a door that hopefully leads out of this fucking nightmare. Maybe Gareth or Freak are behind this, to teach Eddie a lesson for ditching them again to go partying when they had to pack up their shit after the show. But not Jeff, he's too nice to do something like that. The next morning, when Eddie arrives with a hangover the size of his ego, to quote Gareth, Jeff will only look at him with disappointment.

Or maybe they just don't care enough about him anymore to pull a prank on him. Eddie can't remember the last time they even talked to him, beyond discussing the bare minimum for their shows.

Leaving the bathroom, he carefully walks down a long hallway with the ugliest yellow linoleum Eddie has ever seen. It hurts his eyes and his stomach gives another unpleasant churning. On his right, he sees a glass door with "Intermediate Care Unit" written in big white letters.

What the fuck?

He turns right and continues down the hall, hoping to find someone who can tell him where he is and why his body feels like it's been hit with a sledgehammer. Repeatedly.

"Mr. Munson, you shouldn't be out of bed," a stern voice calls from behind him, and when he turns around he sees a middle-aged woman in white scrubs looking at him with a stern expression on her face.

Feeling more and more like he has landed in an episode of The Twilight Zone, Eddie looks at her with an incredulous look on his face. "Who are you? And where is everyone?"

She scoffs at his answer, clearly not pleased.

"I am the nurse responsible for getting you well enough to leave this ward as soon as possible, and you would make my job a lot easier if you would go back to your bed." Before he can process the meaning of her words, she continues. "As for everyone else, well, no one else overdosed, so I would assume they're all home by now."

Eddie can only stare at her open-mouthed, disbelief and horror probably written all over his face, because her own face is softening slightly.

"Now come on, let's get you back to bed, you really shouldn't be wandering around."

She gently takes his elbow and leads him to a door with the number 719 on it. As she opens it for him, Eddie sees three beds inside. To the left and right, he sees two old men, both looking directly at him. The one on the right says, "We tried to stop him, Nurse Elli, we really did," in a high, nasal voice that is already getting on Eddie's nerves. "The kid wouldn't listen to us, would he, Harry?"

"Exactly," Harry answered, at least in a deeper, more bearable tone.

Ignoring the geriatric Ernie and Bert, Nurse Elli leads him to the bed in the middle and helps him to lie down again. Only then does Eddie remember that all he's wearing is a thin hospital gown with an open back. Well, he thinks, Nurse Elli has seen worse in her profession than his pale, scrawny ass. Besides, it's not like much of his modesty has survived the last two years of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll that have been his life.

By the time he's back under the covers, his nurse has turned around and is walking back over to the door. A bone-deep exhaustion has begun to seep into his body, slowly dragging him back under, but seeing her walk out of the room gives him a burst of energy.

"Wait! Someone needs to tell me what happened. What am I doing here?"

Embarrassment burns hot under his skin as he hears the tears in his voice, but the sound of it breaking at his question makes Nurse Elli stop. She turns back to him and her eyes are much kinder than before.

"The doctor will be with you shortly. He'll explain everything to you, Mr. Munson. I'll let him know you're awake now."

And then she leaves, and Eddie sinks back into his bed in the hope that the next time he opens his eyes, it will all have been just a bad dream.

It was not all just a bad dream.

The next time Eddie comes to, he's alone in his room, except for a middle-aged man who seems to be the doctor Nurse Elli told him would be stopping by.

Doctor Owens explains that he overdosed on alcohol and coke at a party at some music producer's house and had been in a coma for two full days. They quickly stabilized him, pumped his stomach and gave him fluids through an IV. Eddie is lucky he's still young and his system recovered from the shock quite well. When he showed signs of waking up, they brought him down here from the ICU to free up his bed for someone who needed it more.

"If Mr. Harrington hadn't called 911 and told them to come get you, you'd be dead right now, Mr. Munson. I'm sorry to say this, but from what I've heard, no one at the party even cared, just insisted that you brought your own drugs and they had nothing to do with it. Mr. Harrington has also been your only visitor so far."

His words should make him angry or sad, something, but he can't process them. Not when his brain is still struggling to make sense of the first part of his statement, Eddie’s heart racing in his chest.

"Mr. Harrington? As in..."

"Steve Harrington, he says he's a close friend. He's the one who called the ambulance, gave the operator your cell phone number so they could track your phone and get you to the hospital. He's been visiting you every day since. He also called your uncle, because we are not allowed to give out any medical information to anyone outside of the family. Your uncle should be here soon, I called him yesterday to give him an update on your condition."

His mind is reeling, too many thoughts fighting for dominance and one word screaming louder than any of them in his head.

Steve, Steve, Steve.

How... it couldn't be. Not after their last fight. Not after the things he said to Steve. To his horror, he feels tears burning hot in his eyes at the memory. A memory he had pushed as far back in his mind as he could because every time he thought about that night he wanted to curl up into a fetal position and cry.

"You are a lucky man, Mr. Munson. This man seems to care a lot about you, as does your uncle. You should let them help you. And if you will allow me to be very clear with you: You need all the help you can get. You're young, so your body can take a lot. But it's not in good shape. You have an old man's liver, and your spleen and kidneys are showing signs of the abuse you put them through. The echo also showed some irregularities in your heartbeat. If you continue down the path you're on, your organs will fail and you will die, Mr. Munson. Painfully. So my advice to you is to get clean as soon as possible. We have some facilities we work with, a nurse will bring you some brochures."

Eddie could only nod numbly, tears now falling freely from his eyes, his throat tight and his head aching. Everything hurt. Especially his heart.

"Okay, we'll keep you here for two more days until we're sure you're stable enough to be on your own." Doctor Owens tells him, turning to leave and get on with his day, as if he hadn't just dropped a damn bomb on his head. He pauses at the door and turns back to him.

"And a word of advice from someone twice your age who's seen a lot in his time here: stick with people who really care about you, like Mr. Harrington, instead of spending your time with people who leave you lying in a bathroom in your own vomit."

With that, he steps out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him and leaving Eddie alone with his thoughts.

Eddie doesn't know how long it's been since Dr. Owens left. It could have been hours, days, weeks, for all he knows, too deep inside his own head to spare any thought for the passing of time. Lying in a hospital bed, the nausea and pain raging through his battered body, Eddie finally breaks down and lets the thoughts come.

He's lost in his memories, thinking about everything that led him here, alone and in pain in a hospital bed, after nearly killing himself with things he swore he'd never use. Weed was fine, though he didn't indulge much anyway, preferring to sell it and make some much-needed money than to smoke it himself. But coke? Nah, he knew how epically stupid it would be to even try that shit.

And yet he did.

A party to celebrate the release of their first single. One lapse in judgment while flying so fucking high that nothing could touch him. One bad decision was all it took for him to succumb to the effects of the white powder.

The high he felt after snorting his first line had been magical and he's been chasing that feeling ever since, blind to all he's sacrificed in the process.

It changed him, he knows. Every euphoric high that made him talk a mile a minute, overly affectionate, loud and brash and in love with the whole world would inevitably end in a crash. He became irritable and hostile toward the people he loved, thinking they were out to get him. Whenever his friends or Wayne or Steve so much as looked at him the wrong way about his new habit, he would lash out at them.

He became increasingly angry and accused them of trying to control him, of envying him his success and happiness.

That's when he started drinking, too. He drank himself stupid so that he wouldn't have to think about the way Steve was starting to look at him as if he didn't even know him anymore. To forget the sad look in Wayne's eyes or the way his friends had started to avoid him. When he was drunk out of his mind, he could forget the way the Coffin boys had started talking about him behind his back, could ignore the murderous looks Robin kept sending his way.

Thinking back, Eddie felt like everything had spun out of his control so fast.

It's like one day he comes home to Steve, ecstatic about signing their first record deal and celebrating the start of a new chapter with the love of his life by dancing around their living room barefoot, laughing and kissing each other, promising happiness and forever.

Only to throw that love right back in Steve's face the next day by calling him needy, clingy, and full of bullshit.

He claimed that Steve was holding him back and that Steve didn't love him, that he just didn't want to be alone. He also said that Steve still thought he was better than Eddie, better than the town freak, the fuck-up, the trailer trash.

You don't want me to succeed and finally step out of your perfect shadow, because then what would stop me from leaving you, right?

Eddie regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth. Secretly, he had always feared that his success would cause a rift in his relationship with Steve. Eddie had no desire to leave Steve, because Steve was still the best goddamn thing that ever happened to him, but he couldn't help but feel that he was losing him anyway. Even more so when he had seen Steve's face crumble, when he had seen the exact moment when his heart had broken into a million pieces.

He had wanted to take Steve in his arms and apologize for saying cruel things he didn't even believe. It had been his own insecurities that had caused him to lash out, and he had hurt Steve before he had a chance to be hurt himself.

Instead, in true Munson fashion, he had run away and hasn't seen or heard from Steve in six long months that have felt like years.

Steve looks almost exactly the same as he did the last time Eddie saw him.

That's not a good thing, though. Because Steve had been driving himself crazy with worry about Eddie for months before Eddie had taken Steve's heart and torn it apart right in front of him.

Back then he had the same dark circles under his eyes that he has now. The usually golden skin is still too pale and Steve's trademark hair looks even more disheveled from how often he's run his hands through it. His well-fitting jeans, which once hugged his ass just right, now sit baggy on his too-slim frame and Eddie hates it.

He hates that Eddie could still hurt Steve even after he left. That even from a distance he managed to ruin the only person who ever really loved him besides Wayne. There should be some kind of warning sign on him: Beware, do not get attached, will hurt you.

"You're awake," are the first words out of Steve's mouth, and despite everything, Eddie can't stop his heart from responding to the sound of his sweet voice. Steve sounds tired, weary, but to Eddie's ears his voice is better than any Metallica song could ever be.

He tries to smile at him, but he feels as tired as Steve sounds, so it lacks the usual spark.

"Sure am. From what I heard, I have you to thank for that," Eddie adds, unable to help himself. He still doesn't know why and especially how Steve knew he needed help. If this were a Nicholas Sparks novel, their love would have created an invisible bond that made Steve feel when Eddie needed help.

But this is real life, and no matter how much he loves Steve, there is no invisible bond holding them together. Just an unbridgeable chasm.

Steve is still hovering at the door and Eddie thinks he is fighting the urge to wring his hands. Eddie knows his tells by now and he figures Steve isn't sure he's welcome here. Which is ridiculous, because even at his worst, Eddie will always want Steve around, no matter what crap Eddie tells him.

It takes a lot of effort, but Eddie manages to sit up and lean out of bed to pat the chair next to his bed, his eyes never leaving Steve.

Eddie sees Steve's shoulders slump, some of the tension visibly draining from his body at the gesture, and Steve walks over to him and sits down tentatively.

"So..." Eddie begins, dragging out the 'o'. "What happened?"

Steve looks up from his hands in his lap, obviously surprised by the question. "You don't remember?"

"No. The last thing I remember is sitting on a leather couch with a bunch of people I don't know and don't care about, fooling myself into thinking I was having fun." Eddie has had plenty of time to think about his life and where he went wrong, so he decides to stick with honesty. Steve deserves as much and more. "Someone handed me a bottle of whiskey and I opened it and started drinking straight from the bottle. That's the last thing I remember. The next thing I know, I wake up in an ugly bathroom that smells like disinfectant, my whole body hurts like I've been hit by a train, and I have no idea where I am."

Before he can bring himself to say the next part, it's Eddie who has to look away, his eyes focused on his hands playing with the edge of the blanket.

"They told me it was you who called 911 and helped them find me. They said without you I would have died lying in my own vomit." He swallows audibly, tears burning in his eyes, wondering how he could have cried more in the last ten hours than in the last ten years. "They also said you were the only one who came to see me."

Eddie forces himself to look up and into Steve's eyes as he says, "Thank you, Steve. You didn't... I don't deserve you doing this. Not after..." The words die in his throat and he feels like he's choking on them.

He can't do this. He's a fucking coward, not worth saving. Not even worth looking at someone as good and beautiful as Steve.

There's a crease between Steve's eyebrows that Eddie used to smooth with his thumb and lips every time he saw it, and his fingers itch to do it again.

"You called me," Steve tells him, his own hands playing with the edge of Eddie's blanket. "At the party. You called me from the bathroom. I thought it was a butt call or maybe drunk dialing, I hadn't heard from you in months, Eddie."

Eddie winces at his words, but Steve chooses to ignore it.

"But then you sounded so small on the phone. You called me 'Stevie' and 'sweetheart' and then you started to cry." Steve looks like he's about to cry, too. His eyes are glassy and Eddie gets lost in the way the light breaks in them, gold and brown and green all mixed together.

"You told me you weren't feeling so good, that your stomach hurt and the room was spinning so you had to lie down. Your voice -" And here Steve's own voice breaks, after it had already started to shake badly, and without thinking Eddie grabs Steve's hand and holds it tight.

"I'm here, Stevie. You saved me. I'm okay."

"But you almost weren't!" Steve insists, his voice rising, and Eddie finally understands the depth of Steve's feelings. After all these months, after everything Eddie had said and done, Steve still cared deeply for him.

"You talked like you were dying, Eddie. You weren't drunk dialing, you were calling to say goodbye, asshole. You were telling me all these things that I needed to hear you say for months. But I wanted to hear them with you in the room so I could punch you in the face and then kiss it better. Not like this. Not as your last words over a fucking phone call."

That's when Steve breaks down, the tears finally overflowing and he buries his face on the bed at Eddie's hip, their joined hands pressed against his wet cheek.

"Baby," Eddie whispers, shocked, his own heart aching worse than ever as he begins to run his fingers through Steve's messy hair. "Shhh, it's okay. I'm so, so sorry, Stevie. I never meant to hurt you, but it seems like that's all I did."

Taking a deep breath, Eddie continues. "I don't know what I told you on the phone, but since I woke up I've had time to think about it all. I don't know if I can ever make it up to you. Or to Wayne and the kids, Gareth and Jeff and Grant. If I will ever deserve your forgiveness, but I want to try. I want to deserve it one day. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but... I will go to rehab. I will quit drugs and alcohol, I will clean up my act. And then, if you let me, I will try to make it up to you every single day for the rest of our lives."

Steve slowly lifts his head from the bed and looks at him, searching Eddie's eyes for something.

"Why?" Steve asks, his hand gripping Eddie's even tighter.

There are so many reasons, so many things Eddie wants to say, but in the end there is only one simple answer.

"Because I love you."

The smile on Steve's face tells him it's the right answer, even more so when Steve presses a kiss into his palm. But then he turns serious once more.

"I haven't forgiven you yet, Eddie. You hurt me too much and I need time. But I need you to stop trying to run away from me. I don't want you to go to rehab and clean yourself up before you come back to me. I want to be with you every step of the way. Do it together. Because if you love me, you have to let me take care of you. You have to let me in, Eddie. Let me carry you for once, like Sam carried Frodo when he couldn't go on. Trust me not to let you fall. Please."

"Did you really just make a reference to Lord of the Rings?" Eddie demands and Steve rolls his eyes.

"Is that what you get from everything I just said?"

Eddie sobers up immediately. "No, it just made me fall a little bit more in love with you, and I didn't think that was possible."

"So what do you say?" Steve asks, chewing his lip between his teeth, and Eddie suspects he's not even breathing.

"It's going to suck, Stevie," Eddie says in a quiet voice, stroking Steve's knuckles with his thumb."Are you sure?"

"Yes." No hesitation, no wavering in his voice. It's the same tone, the same determined look on his face as when he told Eddie "Fuck'em," when Eddie told him people in their small-minded town would talk if Steve held his hand in public.

"There's a bunch of brochures of places to check out. Wanna help me pick the least horrible one?" Eddie says, pointing to the table in the corner of the room.

Without another word, Steve gets up to grab them, and for the first time in a long time, Eddie allows himself to hope.

[danieyells]

hi there,

thank you so much for all the voicelines you post !! if it’s okay, can i request subaru’s ?

thank you again !

You're welcome! At some point I might go back and put in the ones I leave out because they don't appeal to me as much lol but since i always end up posting 99% of them anyway I think it's enough for most people hahaha. It's all of them now! Sorry for the delay.

I WAS GONNA OMIT ONE OR TWO BECAUSE OF SPOILERS but eh i'll just warm for like. extra spoilers. since after doing more code peeking it wasn't the spoiler i thought it was. SUBARU IS A SWEETIE THOUGH. I also read Subaru's chats which were put in the code recently and. Man this guy needs anxiety meds. I have a small guess as to what his stigma is, but we'll learn in a few days anyway.

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"I'm very sorry to have kept you waiting. It's wonderful to see you again."

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"It looks like there's a notice for you. I'd be happy to go pick it up for you if you've got your hands full. Oh, forgive me if I'm overstepping."

oh no he's anxious about helping--

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"I really am so lucky to be surrounded by so many kind people like you."

"I never thought I'd get the chance to enjoy the lifestyle of a student until I came to Darkwick. Every day truly is fulfilling here."

it feels like subaru is like. . .the only one who actually enjoys school life here. . .or who really enjoys being here period lmao. . . .

"You think I'm always smiling? Ha ha, I hear that a lot. It just happens when I'm around all of you."

"I may be the captain, but it's just in name. I think Haku is much better suited for the job than me."

"I've been working since I was four, so people often said I was mature for my age. But the truth is, I've still got a lot to learn."

that makes two characters whose parents have essentially been keeping them from normal life and normal childhood for work reasons since they were four year olds. . . .

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"I tend to just have hot water for breakfast. I know it would be better for me to eat a proper meal, but it's just so much effort."

DO WE REALLY HAVE TO START WITH "I NEED THE GHOULS TO EAT PROPER FUCKIN MEALS". . . .

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'm sorry I'm so late. The campus is so crowded I can never manage to walk in a straight line, so it always takes me longer than I think. Silly, isn't it?"

baby you're hardly the first person i've met with anxiety about crowds. you're fine.

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"What would I do without Haku's help? Hotarubi would be a mess without him."

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I wonder if I should apply early to take out any common artifacts I might need for this mission. I'll ask Haku what he thinks..."

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Ah!  You surprised me there... I just got back from a small errand. Do you need something?"

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Ever since I was a child, the performing arts were my only focus. Maybe that's why people always say my mannerisms are so peculiar. It bothers you too, doesn't it?"

poor boy doesn't know how to act if he isn't acting. . .he doesn't know how to exist off-script. . .no wonder he made a deal with a demon. it's probably the first thing he's ever done for himself.

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'd like to go to the cafeteria, but the line is always so long. I feel bad taking time to choose while people are waiting behind me. The bar of entry feels a little high."

i am once again suggesting subaru get anxiety meds. hell go to sinnostra and get some weed, i bet they sell that. i hear it can help.

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'm just about to go and meet a friend. I hate to inconvenience you like this, but if it's something urgent, could you speak to Haku about it instead?"

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"What am I going to do? We're supposed to be meeting up in an hour... If I cancel now, they'll hate me..."

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Whew... I'll walk you back to your house, {PC}. Oh, it's no problem at all, I assure you! I wanted some fresh air anyway."

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"I have an Anomalous Ecology test coming up. It's such a fascinating subject, I couldn't help but stay up all night studying. Now I'm a little sleep-deprived."

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'm going to stretch my legs a little. I might not have a show to practice for right now, but I need to keep putting myself through my paces. I'll get rusty otherwise."

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'm sorry my phone's been making so much noise. I recently downloaded an app by mistake, and it won't stop sending me notifications..."

awww he's also technologically incompetent. . .poor guy was probably raised with such a heavy focus on his career he just. never needed a smartphone. anyone he needed to contact or who needed to contact him was probably always very close by. it sounds like he didn't even properly go to school before going to Darkwick. Somebody please take this boy on a walk. like anywhere. take him to a library. buy him a churro. can sho make churros? this is somebody who's never had any sort of normal social experience and sees how different he is and wishes it weren't the case, unlike Ritsu who assumes everyone else is like him, i think he'd like to have some more Experiences.

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"... ...Oh! Hello, {PC}—I didn't even notice you there. My mind was somewhere else."

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Good morning! Sorry? My hair's messy? You're right, it's sticking right up at the front... That's embarrassing. I'll fix it right away."

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I usually have lunch in the dormitory. I do eat on the terrace with Lyca every now and then, but he seems so busy these days..."

Lyca is one of the members of Obscuary, btw! Seems like he and Subaru are friends.

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"I didn't take you for a night owl, {PC}. Since you're here, I suppose I'll stay up a little longer. You're sure you're okay? You're not sleepy?"

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Do you visit Sinostra very often, {PC}? I see... Oh, no reason. I was just making conversation. Ha ha."

why do you ask that. . .a certain mafioso captain wouldn't happen to be suspicious of you would he. . .or maybe you owe them money. . .or maybe you used to be part of Sinostra and moved to Hotarubi. . . .

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"It's getting late, {PC}. How about we finish this tomorrow? Thank you for keeping me company all this time."

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"Oh, I couldn't ask you to come all the way to my room to wake me up—I'd feel terrible. I do very much appreciate the thought, though."

it's okay buddy jin already makes them do it, one more pit stop won't hurt.

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Oh, hello, {PC}. Sorry, I was actually just on my way out. I should be back by evening—do you mind if we speak then?"

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Lyca has seen my message, so why hasn't he responded to it? I hope nothing bad has happened to him..."

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Lyca will adapt well to human society, I'm sure of it. I'm so relieved that Darkwick chose to trust him. I can't thank you enough for your help."

he really likes Lyca huh? that is his dog.

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"You can't sleep? Then let me tell you some stories. Legend has it that evil spirits appear once you've told a hundred. Now, what number was I up to..."

BOY IS TRYNA GET YOUR ASS HAUNTED.

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"I don't want to seem like I'm testing you, I just... I get really anxious sometimes... I'm sorry. I'm being weird, aren't I?"

he's the type to ask 'are you sure you love me? are you sure you wanna be with me?' after you get married and move in together and own a house and have two kids with another on the way. he's the hyper anxious 'i'm sorry we disagreed about our favorite colors do you hate me?' friend(affectionate) I wonder though, is he apologizing for seeming like he's testing you because he's using his stigma to see what you've been up to or something. . .? Probably not lol it's more likely he just keeps asking if you like him

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"There is no time like spring. Everyone seems more relaxed this time of year. It's reassuring to see."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I have some sakura mochi. I was just about to prepare some tea to go with it—would you like to join me?"

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"They have no control over whether they bloom, and yet they get made a spectacle of nonetheless... Oh, sorry—I was talking about the cherry blossoms."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"There are many different flowers growing in Hotarubi, but I think the wisteria are my favorites. This is the best time to see them, so you should take a walk around."

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"Hot today, isn't it? It's always raining in Hotarubi, so it does provide a little escape from the blazing summer sun, but... Ha ha. It is very humid, isn't it?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Summer makes me think of the ghost story Yotsuya Kaidan. The scene where Oiwa becomes hysterical, having realized her her face has been disfigured— incredible."

Yotsuya Kaidan is one of the best known japanese ghost stories! It's extremely violent, so read the summary at your discretion. The scene in question has Oiwa shown her reflection by her sister's boss to see that the cream she was given by a woman who was in love with her husband was actually some sort of poison that instantly scarred her face. She grabs a sword and goes to kill her, only for her to accidentally slit her own throat.

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Hotarubi House holds regular festivals during the summer months. If you need a yukata to wear, I'd be happy to pick one out for you."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I don't mind scary stories, but when that biwa in the tea room started playing by itself, it did make me jump a little..."

slight spoiler, although you can probably figure it out from this but. . .Zenji is a ghost. Subaru currently can't actually see him or hear his voice. . .only Haku, the pc, and, perhaps not so oddly, Towa can afair. All of his youtube content doesn't have him or his voice in it because he can't be recorded by cameras. So Subaru doesn't realize that the biwa playing on its own is actually Zenji playing the biwa.

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"The air has gotten crisper, and the leaves are changing color. I know it's only natural for the seasons to shift, so why does it make my heart ache so much?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Oh, these? They're some chestnuts I found. I know—I should give them to Sho. I'm sure he'll be able to make something delicious with them."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"That's another kuchikiri tea ceremony under my belt. It's an annual tradition where one cuts open a tea jar to reveal the tea that was preserved from the first harvest."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"On long autumn nights when the moon is shining beautifully in the sky, it's hard to resist taking a walk outside. Don't stay out until too late though, {PC}."

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"...Oh, {PC}. Good morning... I had a hard time getting up today. It must be the cold... Ha ha. Not very captain-like, is it?"

Jin, Taiga, and Ed are all prone to not getting out of bed. and Yuri falls asleep on operating tables when he has down time. Trust me Subaru you are perfectly captain-like.

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Today, I'm going to order ingredients from one of my favorite stores so we can all make negima—tuna and scallion—hot pot together. Please, do join us."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"It's cold out today. I was just thinking about lighting the fire. Would you like to come and warm up with me?"

oh subaru you don't even know how that sounds

(between 8pm and 5am)

"People say winter makes you want to snuggle up with someone, but I find that a good blanket does a much better job."

i agree that blankets are much easier to manage than people lol. probably warmer too.

His birthday: (February 20th)

"A present? For me? Thank you... I didn't expect you to do anything for my birthday, so I'm a little caught off guard. I really appreciate it."

Your birthday:

"Um... Happy birthday.  I really hope this year will be a wonderful one for you."

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year. I hope I can depend on your guidance and support again this year."

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"Chocolate? Oh, It's Valentine's Day, isn't it? Does that mean these are for me...?"

nah i just wanted you to look at them. YES THEY ARE FOR YOU BBY. why would you be showing him chocolate if it wasn't for him! On any day, not just valentine's day!!

White Day: (March 13th)

"These are for you, {PC}. I put in a special order for monaka from my favorite confectioner in Ginza. They're wafers filled with bean jam—I hope you like them."

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Earlier, Haku told me he was switching houses. It gave me a real shock— I'm very relieved that it wasn't true..."

i bet subaru made the most scared kicked puppy face and started apologizing for being such an awful captain and blamed himself for that haku would go to a different house and haku had to quickly explain it was just a prank for fear that subaru might burst into tears.

Halloween: (October 31st)

"Happy Halloween. I know it's nothing special, but I've prepared some treats for the occasion. Oh... But you're more than welcome to play a trick instead."

please don't trick him. april fool's day was hard enough for him.

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Merry Christmas. We already have our New Year decorations up in Hotarubi, so it has a real east-meets-west atmosphere now. I hope everyone is okay with it..."

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Everyone seems busy at the moment. Maybe I should use this opportunity to tidy the garden..."

(13 affinity and above)

"{PC}? Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just worried because you were so quiet..."

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"You're back... I'm so relieved. I was worried I'd done something to make you feel uncomfortable..."

this man shakes like a chihuahua 24/7. like you can taste the anxiety coming off of him. i love him. he's so pathetic(affectionate). i wanna squeeze his hand reassuringly and tell him everything's gonna be okay. i wanna hug him and pat his head. i wanna take him places so he learns more about the world outside of working. i wanna watch him do schoolwork excitedly because he's never really gone to school before and it's a new and exciting experience. i want him to experience the most mundane aspects of life with wonder.

good boy. yeah. get him anxiety meds /nodnod

[soothinglee]

| 2 AM - myung jaehyun x gn! reader - 800 wc✔︎

my notes⎯ hey...how y'all doing? I know it's been a long time since I've posted something but I'm in college now! and life is busy, but I promise i'll get better at it. hopefully after I post this I can begin another one! here's my man in a fanfic for y'all( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ). warnings⎯ lowercase intended, cursing, not really proofread. songs⎯ 2 am | SZA and pain | pinkpantheress

"do I really to come over now?"

"well, yes."

an exasperated sigh leaves your lips as a heavy hand drags at your cheeks, "jaehyun, I love you, I do, but it's 2 am."

the luminescent glow from the device next to the pillow dims from being untouched. being the only light in the dark room, you can see the dark shadows beneath your lashes on the screen.

"okay but I need to show you something! It's important!" he rebuttals, his words slowed due to his own exhaustion. there's ruffling on the other end that follows.

"so important that you can't wait until the sun comes up?"

the sound stops, breathing; soft and quiet replaces it while he hesitates. it had been a long time since you had last seen jaehyun. him always busy flying to different countries, visiting onedoors all around the world while juggling intense practices and concerts, and you; buried under the weight of being a 2nd year in college, trying to get used to the mountains of school work assigned along with working an exhausting job.

there is no word strong enough to convey the feeling of the empty bed beside you. his space cold and open from where he usually laid. he couldn't make it home tonight, trapped in by the walls of the dorm due to a late night and scheduled activities for the following day.

you shudder as a cold breeze passes by you, "I'm waiting?"

"I miss you." he says after a moment. there's a heaviness to his voice, he's pouting, you can tell. his bottom lip poked out as he gazes at the contact name he put for you. "I wish I could come over but...you know how management is."

"I know." you unconsciously match his tone. a sigh. "yeah, I know."

"but..." he starts back up again. there's movement on his side and you hear him huff with effort as he tries to sit up. "they never said anything about you coming over here."

"sure, but that's because I've never been over there. you always come to my place." you finger for the switch to the lamp on your bedside table, tired of being surrounded by black. "I don't want to start now and then have to put rules in place that weren't there before. it'd be troublesome."

a long whine leaves his lips, thumping his fists lightly in a miniature tantrum, "but they know who you are! they trust you."

you sigh for the umpteenth time, "jaehyun." your voice trails off.

"what?" an abrupt scoff catches itself through the speaker, "you don't want to see me?"

"no, not at all!" you get out hastily, "you know how much I've missed you since you've been on tour; hell I'm pretty sure our texts show it, but I've been working too dude. and I'm sorry but I'm even too tired to even get up to use the bathroom."

"ew." it comes out quietly but still audible. "sounds like you need to invest in a catheter."

"die."

the line goes silent. the window on your left was propped open with a wooden stick you found at your job. the street below sings with cars passing through the leftover rain. it lulls you to sleep, the weight of your eyelids slowly closing in on itself.

"jaehyun." you mumble, finally feeling the effects of a tiring week. "why are you so quiet."

he clears his throat, "I can't be quiet?" the words rush out in a hushed voice, each one colliding with another.

"no." the duvet beneath your back shifts, "it's weird."

he pauses, a garbled noise releases from the back of his esophagus and it causes him to hesitate longer than intended. "how mad would you be at me if I were to say, hypothetically, that I was, hypothetically, on my way to your apartment with an overnight bag." he takes a breath and sheepishly adds, "hypothetically."

a sigh much deeper than the last deflates your body as you finally relinquish. you should've know playing this game with jaehyun wouldn't mean a thing to him. when he wanted something he got it, no matter if he had a packed day to come in the following hours.

"at this point," you start hiking the covers up closer to your chin. "I don't give a damn."

"I figured." you can hear the smug smile in his voice, the beep of the elevator doors opening for him and promptly closing as coded. "I'll be there in ten babe."

defeated, you turn your back towards the phone on his pillow, "yeah yeah, you know how to get in."

he laughs wholeheartedly, a sound resonating deep within his chest. it's easy to envision the cheeky grin that graces his face.

"of course, see you in a little, sleep well."

[tomlinfonda]

"Why are artists so butthurt about AI art? Horse carriage drivers didn't complain when they invented the car, they were just grateful that the technology evolved and made it easier to get around."

Art is not a carriage, it's not a vehicle. Its purpose is not to be efficient, to do a practical job with as little effort as possible. Art is not something that can be automated, because its artistry lies in the humanity of its creator. Art is wonderful, from a baby's first drawing, inexperienced and unskilled, to the paintings adorning the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

If you consider yourself an AI artist, I ask you: are you proud of yourself when the computer has completed another image that you will claim as yours? Do you look at it and feel the joy of having created something?

Does the generative process teach you how to see the world better? With every image created, do you evolve? Do you understand the planes of the face better now than 1000 images ago? Do you know what rim light is, and where to put it? Do you understand light sources? Tones? Could you take a piece of paper and shade a portrait by yourself?

"AI software is just like Photoshop or Blender, the next step in artistic technology".

It's not though, is it? A digital artist uses a pen to put colors on screen, chooses where to put each brush stroke, when to smudge or use the liquify tool. A 3D sculptor manipulates basic shapes into characters just like a traditional artist molds clay. An AI "artist" doesn't make any of the thousands of choices that lead to the creation of a real piece of art.

"But art is hard, and I'm not good enough."

Neither am I! Man, I'm not the worst artist in the world, but I'm not great, still not at the level I would like to be. Sometimes I draw something and I look at it and realize that it sucks ass! Sometimes I post a drawing online and realize that I drew a character out of proportion, that the light source is not consistent, that I've shaded outside the lines! And you know what's great? That I get to have an understanding of what I did wrong! I get to evolve! I redraw something from 5 years ago and realize that my composition is much better, my shading more believable. And I know that in 5 more years, I might redraw it again and pride myself in how much I've evolved.

I've been drawing since I was a baby, and I still have a long way to go. And that is also fine, because art is a lifelong pursuit, growing, changing, just as I am.

It's okay to not be good. Hell, it's okay if you don't even try to get better. By drawing, you WILL. It's inevitable that, by practicing, you'll learn.

You know what will not make you a better artist? Software that will generate your "art" for you. The result might look more complex than what your skill level allows you to create right now. But it doesn't look better. You could draw a crooked circle on xerox paper and it will look better than all the AI art in the world. Because you made it. Have some faith in yourself. Your vision has more artistic value than what that computer generated.

"If you're afraid that AI will steal your job, learn to draw better!"

I'm trying. Are you?

[mostrovskaa]

Just out of curiosity, you make the mockups for your faux sticker set by yourself from scratch? or maybe mofidy existing ones?? I Think they look very good and add so much to the comms and you even theme them to suit the characters instead of using the same one over and over, like wow that takes some effort!! Your art is amazin! Do you reccomend some tutorials/tips and tricks/sites for mockups like these?

Hi! Thank you so much, I am so glad you like these! To do these I most often use stock images and public domain images alongside textures and scans of objects (notes, paper, scribbles, book spreads etc.) I made myself and mofidy them into digital collages. I also sometimes use preexisting mock-ups for graphic designers and just edit the hell out of them to make them suit my patchy aesthetic, but I prefer to just use the previous method of putting images together, because it gives me more of a field to work with. It does take a bit of effort, yes, that's why I don't make them for every commission post but I like to create them anyway as much as I can, to visualize a digital product in a semi-realistic way :-)

If I want to create a specific effect, I often just search up some photoshop tutorials or just experiment with filters untill i find something exciting or nice graphically. There are a lot of places that offer free textures to use, for example sites with materials for 3d modelling that offer these things - which I love to use in my work. But they are super easy to create on your own as well traditionally. I often take pictures of scraps, dirt and the like to later put into these types of images. You can also find that many museums and art institutions offer public domain images (of artwork, documents and the like) from their collections!

All in all, the process of making these comes from my need to explore how all the effects, filters etc. from digital programs can be used to achieve interesting visuals. I am by no means any authority on the topic though, I mostly just explore and if I like something - explore it more.

Sorry for the long anwser, but i think this is something other people would also enjoy to know!

Thank you again!

[kurain-genealogy]

i said i was gonna post about it and i am. i don't think william afton hates his kids. i don't think william afton is a mad scientist that kidnapped and put children in hallucinogenic gas chambers. whatever the fuck dittophobia said about afton doing all that, plus not stopping/furthering the bullying between michael and cc, is just dumb & wrong. william wanting his kids to fight, even die, is comically evil in the "bad writing" way. him being characterized as someone who experiments on children (including his own with no regard for their lives) in order to achieve immortality or whatever his supposed motivation is, is just really... nothing? as a character there is nothing to make him feel real. in an attempt to flesh out this character, they made him into a cartoon villain with "evil" being his only defining trait. whatever, i could talk for so long about how dumb i think all the dittophobia stuff is but i think most ppl on tumblr are on the same page regarding that.

to me, william afton is best characterized as someone who, at the Very Least, Doesn't Want His Own Children To Die. he can be a shitty father all around, or he can be a genuine loving father who is also a serial killer, as long as he Cares if they Die? most of what makes william afton an interesting villain, and where a lot of people interpret his motivation comes from, is how despite all his best efforts, he cannot prevent the death or downfall of his own family. he is in a tragedy of his own making, a self-imposed hell crafted by his hubris and violence. if you take this away, why should i care what happens to him? william afton was scariest when he was just purple guy and we knew nothing. william afton is most interesting when we have all these relationships and dynamics where we can seriously study and speculate the circumstances behind/around his actions, when he has something to lose (and will lose). william afton is most stale when more things are added to his story without purpose, filling in gaps that were better unfilled or we didn't even know were there – anything after UCN, basically. bro isn't scary anymore because he's either peepaw afton who's brought back despite his story being over, or he's cartoon network's newest over-the-top villian that you can't take seriously.

okay anyway. ANYWAY. william doesn't hate his kids. even if he's a shitty father, i think he still loves his kids. why else would he try and scare his kids away from the robots if he didn't want them to die? why would he design circus baby after his daughter if he didn't care for her, adore her, even? if you believe the theory that he talked to cc through the fredbear plush (idr if that's actually canon), why would he be trying to protect/comfort him?

i don't think he's a perfect, or even a good father, by any means. if you interpret him to be on the better side, that's great and fine. i'd love to hear how other people interpret/characterize afton if you wanna share! continuing on for this post, i'm going to lay out how i personally see william afton.

to me, he is someone who is very concerned and preoccupied with his image and how others view him & his family. even if he's super shitty and awful towards his kids, he at least cares that they all look good as a family unit, that they're well behaved, that he can send family portrait holiday cards to all his business partners and investors.

he strikes me very much as the typical authoritarian parent of the 80s. harsher on his sons because "men don't cry," wants his kids to say "yes, sir," and "no, sir," believes in "tough love," often says "my house, my rules," he has the final say in everything, maybe thinks hitting them from time to time is a normal, necessary punishment. not all entirely malicious, but thinks he's doing what's best, what's right, acting like a parent and father Should act, perhaps how he himself was raised. unfortunately, a very common parental mindset (even outside of serial killers). maybe he was a little scarier sometimes though, a little more unhinged or violently angry. who's to say.

but he's still just a guy who could exist in real life. he still eats dinner with his family every night, hangs his kids' drawings on the fridge, had to turn the car around because they wouldn't stop fighting in the backseat, attended awkward parent-teacher conferences, everything. he was once a new father who happily came home with his first newborn, lost countless nights of sleep over the course of two more, loves them because they're his.

meticulously and senselessly killed children, then came home and tucked his own into bed and kissed them goodnight.

he can be abusive and still love his kids. he can be a murderer and still care for his own kids' lives. maybe the loss of his own kids is what triggered his actions, or maybe it was something else. i'm fine with not knowing because we don't need to know everything, and it's more interesting when we don't.

Something Is Seriously Wrong With This Guy And We Don't Know What or Why. when acquaintances find out he's a suspected murderer, it should be shocking and upsetting. he's such a great man and father, he wouldn't murder those kids! when michael discovers his father's crimes, he should be in denial. sure, he could be scary sometimes, but he wouldn't kill anyone... right? there's a great cognitive dissonance between who he appears to be and who he actually is.

whether william descended into grief-induced madness and obsession, or was just always some kind of freak, or both, i don't think he saw his own family as disposable. even if he didn't truly love them, he at least needed to keep up his own facade as a friendly family man. personally i like to see him as someone who was a shitty father but still loved his kids, because people like that exist, and it makes him a much more interesting, realistic, and nuanced character than if he just didn't care about them At All.

[dapper-lil-arts]

So uh. My freelance work here is kind of dying.

I thought i'd keep my long-term followers on the know-how, so i might as well write about my current circumstances here, give y'all an update, so to speak.

So, for several reasons, most of them not even my fault, i've been getting less and less commissions, almost none, actually, and the ones i get are usualy on the cheaper side, which is bad concidering that this is my livelihood, commission money pays my bills, my groceries, and my taxes, and now i sure as hell am strugling to imagine this will sustain me for long. Twitter is a sinking ship ever since elon went over, Specificaly for people like me. I had just broken into 12k followers there, a huge milestone for me, and then i got shadowbanned, and for the last few months i've gotten *nothing*. It's completely dead, i'm stagnated there, all my arts are censored, and there's no way for me to undo it or fix it, and so i've gotten less and less comms out there, which sucks because its the only reason i was even on that stupid site. Here on tumblr, meanwhile, the CEO went on a massive transphobic streak, and a lot of lgbt folk (which composed a lot of my following,) decided to jump ship, and i sure as hell dont blame them, but sadly that's more potential costumers that bailed, and there's no proper website to go to. Anywhere i'd go, i'd be starting from scratch again, which would be utterly disheartening and frustrating, and there no website that is kind to artists, with no algorythim, that also have a messaging system (the latter being ESSENTIAL to the way i do comms) So i'm kind of stuck. I just. have nowhere to go, and nothing to do. And last but not least, my own fault, I've just been drawing and creating what *I* specificaly want, on an hedonistic streak this year. That's why theres so much pony bs on this blog now, and why i was straight up posting poetry a while back, and have written hundreds upon hundreds of fanfiction pages in the last few months; Which, unfortunately, is a terrible business decision if your intent is making money. Which I surely should have prioritized, but in the end, its not up to me, its up to the costumers... So now i'm a bit stuck. I've enjoyed the things ive drawn and written more than anything i've ever done, and yet, i've never been less successful on the actual business side. I'm still considering my venues, my possibilities, but there's not many. Trying to get a job would certainly pull me away from creation, and i'd hate it regardless of what it was, and on another venue, theres no guarantee that going back to furry titties would bring me money.

and that's whats heartbreaking about it too. no matter how much effort i put on my work, theres no guarantee of sucess, so why even spend time trying to craft a masterpiece? why not just follow trends and make a tiktok account or whatever the fuck makes money these days. I'd rather not, frankly. And i wont. Well, that's about it. Thanks for reading this update, that's how my life is goin atm. i'm going to continue doing as i am right now, but yknow... I'm not sure what i should do, if you want to give me suggestions, feel free.

[thrawns-backrest]

Prompted by this post and the related interview, reason 15467352 why I think Dave Felony isn’t up to the task of writing live action Star Wars.

I was going to harp about how this proves Filoni hasn’t read the books but this interview is from before the canon trilogies were out so touché on that. And yet this just proves to me why Filoni isn’t the guy for the job of writing Thrawn. Or any live action imperials for that matter.

I’ll start by saying that one thing I will concede is that the notion of the Imperial military being plagued by incompetent officers is not entirely unrealistic. Given that it’s a stratocracy, you can expect to find people who used politics to climb the ranks rather than actual military competence - it’s a kind of French Revolution situation kind of thing. Historically it’s been known to happen in our world.

Combine that with the fact that the Empire is racist, elitist and (kind of) sexist as all hell and you have a limited pool of people to pick from when filling its ranks, pushing some genuine talent to the fringes or excluding it altogether.

The thing I’m entirely tired of seeing though is the implication that it’s the majority of Imperial leadership that’s like this and by this I mean incompetent. The overwhelming majority at that. But more on the Empire’s moronicity later, let’s talk about Thrawn.

“He’s not ambitious in the way where he needs to see himself promoted, or a governor one day. He purely wants to dissect them; that’s what he enjoys!” This. This grinds my gears so much. For starters it proves that Filoni sees Thrawn as this ‘quirky baddie’ where Zahn treats him as an actual person. There’s something almost condescending in taking a neurodivergent coded character and being like ‘aww, look at them, they’re so happy doing their little thing they don’t have any other goals and ambitions whatsoever :)’.

To get things straight, Thrawn has always been annoyed by the limitations placed on him by an inferior rank. You could argue it’s for the simple reason that a higher rank gives him more freedom to act and pursue his goals but that’s just what that is, a simplification.

And that’s where Filoni’s problem lies:

Filoni is good at writing cartoons. And before people raise their pitchforks, I don’t mean this in a negative way. Writing cartoons forces you to squish complex ideas into a digestible format, the genre needs simplification and caricature to work and doing that well is a talent all by itself.

You’re meant to put in some extra effort to suspend your disbelief in order to enjoy the deeper complexities of the story. Where that stops working though is when you step out of the genre and move into live action and our good buddy Dave doesn’t seem to realize that.

It may admittedly sound like I’m being unnecessarily harsh on him and I probably am but I do realize the guy is just doing what he does best. I doubt he has any real beef with neurodivergents or has no actual clue that militaries need a base level of competence in order to function and thrive.

Neither is he the only one guilty of implying the Empire’s competent staff can be counted on the fingers of one hand. “It’s just so different for them to have a bad guy that’s, you know, actually smart with how he uses the Imperial war machine!” Okay, Dave. Sure Dave. “[…] with the exception of Tarkin – Tarkin’s strategically intelligent” Oh so there’s two of them! (okay okay, I’ll stop here)

My point is, you can’t get away with making the antagonists so stupid in a realistic setting. I recently saw someone compare Kenobi and Andor in terms of portraying your antagonists correctly and I have to agree that Andor is the only star wars live action media in recent memory that gets it right. (Though even Andor is guilty of injecting some stupid into its plot in order to enable implausible events to happen. I’m looking at you, Maarva’s speech.)

Because the thing is, the more bumbling and idiotic you make your antagonists, the more it detracts from the efforts and skills of your protagonists when defeating them. The Empire is sprawling and all powerful, so much so that it takes several force users pulling deus ex machinas out of their ass to bring it down. In conjunction with the extreme dedicated efforts of the Rebellion mind you.

It took a timely coincidence of hubris, political corruption and flawed strategy working together to allow it to happen. Give me media that explores why the Empire endured for so long, the mechanisms in place that made ordinary people turn into cogs of the machine, the selective process behind constructing an absolutely ruthless, dangerous leadership, media that looks at how these same conditions can come about in our world rather than the unrealistic explanation of ‘people bad because bad’.

Zahn, Gilroy, Luceno and many others are examples of writers that do this justice. Pass the baton on to Filoni and you end up with an antagonist who’s smart as an exception because ‘he’s just so quirky’ while still bearing all the hallmarks of a cartoon villain, the ominous gloating speeches and sadistic behaviour and whatnot.

I’d be hella remiss to say it hasn’t left its mark on the fandom either. The amount of times I’ve seen characters like Tarkin, Krennic, Palpatine, etc. be moronified (while Thrawn inevitably gets his victim treatment) while completely ignoring the fact that defeating them was no small feat and their having weaknesses to exploit isn’t something that detracts from just how dangerous and scary these motherfuckers were.

The Clone Wars was a good show. Rebels was a good show. But by god is Filoni bad at transferring his skills to live action and no one can convince me that Thrawn isn’t the best example of that.

[babydollmarauders]

MEDIA MANAGEMENT — JACK HUGHES (PART FOUR)

one — two — three — four

notes: i got a couple of these pictures from @/sholden43 on twitter! so creds to her for pics 2 & 5!!

y/ndevils00

liked by njdevils, john.marino97, and 31,697 others

y/ndevils00 hello and welcome back to y/n’s post-game web show!

i’m so happy to announce that njdevils clinched!! LET’S GO, BABY!!

to get us on the scoreboard, we had a goal by the amazing, the talented, the ‘leaves his socks on the bathroom floor’, LIL JIZZY!!! now, i’m not one to brag, but THAT’S THE GUY WHO HOGS MY BLANKETS AND I AM SO PROUD! we also have a picture of him side-eyeing me at the bench and then looking directly at me. that’s the face of love, people!

but before that goal could take place, maraschino cherry got put in timeout. BOO!! but don’t worry guys, he was given a stern talking to during intermission! he told me he’s gonna be a good boy now!

immediately after marinara’s sin bin placement, my favorite dilh was the victim of a giant toddler attack 😡 but rest assured, bradytkachuk was put in the naughty boy box as well! which is what led to my spectacular boyfie’s goal!

not long after that goal, woodchuck had a fight with said giant toddler… he did not win.

then, my bestest friend, brattman scored the third goal of the night! i rewarded him with the biggest and bestest hug i had to offer during 2nd intermission!

following that, dawson’s creek hit ‘em with a one timer that knocked their pads off! he was rewarded with a pat on the head! i, however, did not get a picture of him because he was hiding from my camera… he’s spending too much time with jackson.

in the final period, ham sammich taught the senators how to dougie! LET’S GO! happy for you douglas!

and to close the game, we had an empty net goal by my father that is not my father; TATAR SAUCE!

overall, i am so proud of the effort put forth from my team that i put together myself and pay out of pocket to entertain me! let’s go to the playoffs boys!

tagged: jackhughes, john.marino97, sharangovich17, miles.wood44, jesperbratt, dougieham, tomastatar90, and njdevils

jackhughes i appreciate the sentiments, but did you really have to call me out like that?

y/ndevils00 it’s for the plot babe!

jackhughes i’m 99% sure that’s not what that means

y/ndevils00 and i’m 100% sure that you’re a loser

trevorzegras stop flirting it’s gross

y/ndevils00 @/trevorzegras ariana, what are you doing here?!

jackhughes that’s actually the look of someone who did not like when you started cheering “go lil jizzy, get a hat trick you coward!”

y/ndevils00 it’s called tough love

jackhughes i think i prefer the love you give me at home

y/ndevils00 noted. can’t promise your suggestion will be put to use

john.marino97 once again, y/n’s “talking to” was not actually a talking to. she hit me in the head with a rolled up newspaper, that i still don’t know where she got, and told me to “pull myself together”

y/ndevils00 well when you put it like that, you make me sound like a bad friend

john.marino97 you’re the worst

y/ndevils00 that’s not what you said last week when i brought you dunkin

miles.wood44 i mean, i thought i won that fight

y/ndevils00 …stick to your crypto

miles.wood44 ouch y/n/n

y/ndevils00 i keep it real on my page, if you can’t handle the heat, block me

y/ndevils00 wait don’t actually! i’m sensitive

dawson1417 she really did pat me on the head. like a dog.

y/ndevils00 cause you got the dog in ya!

dawson1417 you concern me

y/ndevils00 i’d be worried if i didn’t

tomastatar90 my daughter that is not my daughter!

y/ndevils00 take notes boys, this is someone who accepts me for me!

jesperbratt i got a better hug than hughesy

y/ndevils00 hell yeah, you did!

jackhughes that’s cause i get something better

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes jackson!

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 still not my name

dougieham thank you! but why the full first name?

y/ndevils00 because it’s your name. is it not?

dougieham it is?

y/ndevils00 i rest my case

trevorzegras hughesy is a beast

y/ndevils00 does that make me beauty?

trevorzegras i’m not sure how to answer this without upsetting you

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes i hate to tell you this, but you need to find a new best friend. your current one is mean. may i suggest @/jamie.drysdale ? still a duck, just a nicer one

jamie.drysdale did i just get a y/n notice?

trevorzegras stay away from jimbo, you witch!

[scary-lasagna]

hello, I don’t really understand your request situation right now so if I’m sending this at the wrong time I’m sorry.

But, I just read your post about Slender’s dark secrets, and I really liked it! So I was wondering if you could talk more about them.

Have a good day!!

I decided to dive into the bit about the...things Slender has done to the earlier residents.

Friends

"Why the Hell would he do that? That's a fucking strong assumption to make, Jeff." An offended tone slapped the walls of the Rec Room, unusually empty besides a proxy and a infamous killer.

Jeff and Toby have never really clicked well. Something about Toby has always managed to rub Jeff the wrong way: his walk, his love of talking too loud, his abrupt tics, and his unkept hair, for a few examples.

Jeff just didn't want anything to do with him. But that didn't mean that he hated the poor bastard. Even so, they had more in common than they thought. Not that Toby knew that.

"I'm just saying, it all makes sense, right?" Jeff faced his palms up with a casual shrug from the beanbag chair, "He killed her. And I'm not just saying that to piss you off or anything. I mean look at what he did to Kate. She's terrified of him."

Althought Toby wasn't entirely close to Kate, it was obvious how much she avoided pissing Slender off, and always happened to be missing whenever things got tense around the manor. Her burns...had he also been the cause of them?

"Just because he may or may not have done something to KAte doesn't mean that he's an evil creature. Why would he kill a random chick in Michigan? Slender wouldn't do something like that-" Toby refused to believe it, not after Slender had took them all into open arms.

Jeff pinched the bridge of his nose before dragging his palm down his face. He crossed his arms as he stared up at the proxy. "Toby, who the fuck do you think cut the breaks in Lyra's car? Who drove Tim's friend to insanity? Jack's culty origin? Fuck, even Jane. She didn't have a violent bone in her body until my incident. I mean, think about it, doesn't it all just lead back to him?"

"It doesn't matter!" Toby didn't flinch at the mention of his sister, but then again he didn't have anything backing up his claim. It made him angry. He knew he was right.

"Then ask him, Toby." Jeff nonchalantly scratched his neck, "And you'll come back not remembering a damn thing like last time." He rolled his eyes toward the brunette. "And the time before that, too."

"You're fucking with me."

"'Fraid not." Jeff tsked and wrestled himself out of the beanbag chair. "Start leaving notes for yourself, Tobs'. That's how I figured everything out."

___

"I'm not quite sure I am comphrehending your accusation, Toby. Do you believe I had something to do with Lyra's passing?" The Tall Man sat at his great oak desk, his spindly fingers clasped together on his desk mat.

"I-It's just sketchy. I mean, my memory is spotty, yeah, but right after I caught The Sickness, she died." Toby adjusted his seat on the leather office chair, scooting to the edge. His leg bounced. His nails were wearing thin from the abuse of nervousness.

"Toby, why on Earth would I do something like that? In no offense, it would be pointless to me to harvest such a small soul. From my recollection, Lyra did not have any great power that would have ade her a sustainable feeding victim." Slender suddenly furrowed his brow line, his head tilting ever so slightly, "You should know this Toby. Are you feeling alright?"

"I've been a little under the weather, I guess. I'm sorry for pointing fingers, everything has just been so confusing lately. I'm loosing track of time, and I can't remember what I did yesterday." Toby ran his hands through his slightly gready hair, and took great effort in slouching into the leather.

"Perhaps it's time for a mental health day. I'll adjust your schedule to fill in Kate for your shift in the next three days." Slender opened one of the larger cabniets in his desk, pulling out one of the many vintage tabloids he used to schedule his proxies. "And if we see no improvement, then we can adjust or change your medicine if needed."

As Slender set the tabloid down, Toby noticed a familiar face peeking out from under one of the many loose papers among the mess of a busy desk.

"Why do you have Brian's folder open?"

Slender paused, craning his head to eye the headshot picture. "I'm simply refreshing my memory of his medical history. No need to wear your heart of your sleeve, Toby." Slender quickly dismissed, waving Toby's concerns away. He seemed a bit more hasty to modify the schedule.

Toby's voice dropped into a gravely tone.

"Are you sure?"

Slender slowly lifted his head to look at Toby, who seemed to be fixed on a leaflet.

Kate. More specififcally, Kate's fresh burns from so many years ago, all photographed and on display. The nights of restless sleep must have finally caught up to Slender, and forgot to tuck them away before allowing Toby to burst in.

"Did Brian do that to Kate?"

"I will now be asking you to leave, Toby, this is a breach of confidential information on Kate's behalf. I'll adjust your schedule. Have a lovely vacation." And even though the words seems so considerate, Slender stood at full height, a tendril slithering around the front of the desk to tuck any pictures under loose papers. "Leave."

Maybe Jeff was right.

Toby stood quickly, and pivoted on he heels to walk out of the room. But something stopped him. An unforeseen force keeping his body in place.

"Absterge rasa, a medietate prius. Mote fiat."

Toby turned, his brows furrowed in confusion. "Y'know, your German sometimes sounds really weird!" He laughed, "Anyway, I gotta drop that paper off to Jeff, you said he's in the Rec Room, right?"

[peaterookie]

Trials and Tribulations of Scanning: Lupin III Manga

Hi!

It's been a while since I've made a proper Lupin essay, and this one is going to be a bit different from all the ones I've done too.

Throughout the years in the manga community, I've gotten very accustomed to the process of scanning and archiving this series, it's something that I sincerely do enjoy doing so I wanna just dedicate a post talking about it and also bring attention a huge project of mine.

Disclaimer that this isn't really gonna be a comphrehensive history with a bunch of details about the scanning process done on the series before I entered the fandom, I just wanna talk about certain parts that I think are worth writing and my experiences doing it myself.

Okay this intro's gotten long enough let's get started.

Let's talk about the tokyopop scans of the OG manga and HOW SHIT IT IS.

Oh poor og manga... you were doomed from the start from the moment you were uploaded publically. Because who the hell is going to want to read something that looks like this???

An important step when I scan my pages is cleaning, it is the process where you take the initial scans, which I call raws, and polish them to make it prettier. When you see the scans of the og manga, it is very very clear that the person did not bother to clean any of these at all.

The coloration of the pages (which should not have been there at all if they decided to scan in grayscale) gives it an unpleasant old vibe, and should have been editted to turn into something more black and white.

I honestly do not understand why anyone would just leave a page this bad and assume that people would be fine reading something that looks like this. I am very convinced that the quality detered some people from checking the manga out any further because at its worst, it's unreadable and the details of the art is hard to decipher.

It's very easy too!! I can easily take this place and edit it on my phone to turn it into...

This!

Ain't that much better already. and it only took me a minute to do just that, imagine just how better the rest of the scans would've been if the person gave a bit more effort to clean their pages?

One of the many things i've learned is that when you do something for a community, whatever you put out might stay there forever and become a permanent impact on the people using your product, so it's important to make it look good!!!

What is good about the OG manga + new adventures though is that there exists high quality scans of it, just in japanese. So while there is still no good scans of the english version, people can always find a better alternative elsewhere.

Shin Lupin III though... is a different story.

(insert cool transition here or something)

Here is what I really wanted to talk about.

Shin Lupin III, literally. has. no. good scans. It's all shit. You get trash or garbage and that is it.

"But Peater! What about the Tokyopop scans! They're pretty good right?"

You're absolutely correct! Until you realize that Tokyopop did not fully translate Shin Lupin III, leaving approximately 100 chapters worth of manga in horrible quality 😂😂😂

Those missing parts are the ultimate problem, and the guy that is now in charge of translating the rest of Shin Lupin, Oranges, does not do the scanning justice (the one above.)

I do not know what kind of source he uses, but it is absolute horseshit, and again, he doesn't seem to bother with editting them to make them look better. I'll just provide more examples, to really emphasize how horrible it looks. You can barely see what's going on with some of them.

Someone pointed a flashlight while scanning this

(Editor's Note: So it seems like Oranges did the bare minimum and fixed the scans on the San Francisco arc so he is slightly forgiven)

And what the Japanese scans? Hahaha, it gets worse.

From an simple look at it, you might be tricked into thinking that this is a good scan! has nice lighting, black ink, BUT THIS IS WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.

Look closer. The lineart is melding into each other, the cross hatching is blurred, the kanji is barely readable.

This is the works of an Al upscaling tool.

AND THEY DID THIS, FOR EVERY SINGLE PAGE! THEY LURE YOU INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY LIKE "omg!! san francisco scans!!" AND THIS IS WHEN THEY TRAP YOU INTO A MELTING POT OF AI SHIT TO NEVER BE ABLE TO HAVE GOOD SHIN LUPIN SCANS EVER AGAIN AND AM SICK OF IT!$_+$(2!(_(!_(+7(0#+#?@!

And so that's why I'm going to be doing something about it!

My project for this year is to rescan Shin Lupin III in higher quality. No AI upscaling involved, everything will be done by hand. Here are the previous panels again but scanned by me!!

See the differences now!! This is what happens when someone puts effort on their scans!! wowwwww

I've already finished scanning the raws for every single page, and now it is only time to clean them.

When will I finish this? I can't tell you, but I promise that it will be done and released before the year ends. I hope you guys are looking forward to this!!

Darn, I actually didn't get to talk much about my process and how i got into scanning huh? Maybe some other time if people are interested.

But for now, goodbye, and thanks for reading!!

[queenofmalkier]

Okay, I just have to say it to anyone feeling isolated or picked on or like the Main Character standing against Amazon's Wot-Show wrongs: nobody is mad that you don't like the show. People have different opinions! Different expectations! In a series this long there's dozens of things people will disagree on in terms of importance and that is normal!

You know what nobody likes?

The condescending, holier-than-thou attitude of some individuals who don't like the show who have decided that It Is Actually Bad And Terrible and anyone who likes it is Wrong.

Who constantly invade show-friendly spaces, who review bomb, who basically act like five year olds having a tantrum in the middle of Target.

People who I'm sorry to say don't seem to understand that there's no one way to adapt a series. Think of it like the works of Shakespeare and move on with your day.

The way I'd do it is going to be different than the way you'd do it, which will be entirely different from the way a third person will do it. That doesn't make any of us wrong - and YET you get mad when reasonable people point out that when you say the show is an Evil Bad Wrong No Good Bad Adaptation Without Question you are discounting those of us who think it's honestly not bad.

And then those same people wrap themselves up in a mantle of hurt and victimhood because everybody is being mean to them! Nobody understands!

Honey, we understand talking to you about the show right now is like talking down some drunk guy in a Denny's parking lot who is screaming at the curb. You aren't making rational points. You are Big Mad and trying to make it the problem of anybody who doesn't think the way you do.

I know I've made an effort to be understanding and empathetic about it, I've tried to explain my reasons for enjoying the show while seeing the point of others who hate it, but I'm tired of only receiving "that's cute you think that but Actually I Am Correct still" in return.

There's no growth, no learning, no further understanding. At this point it's bitching to bitch while pretending to be the only one knowledgeable on the subject. It's screaming about "that's not what I'm asking for!" while, actually, the complaints you're making are very much asking for a perfect 1 to 1 adaptation or some secret third thing that remains a mystery to me.

Either way, I love ya'll, I love WOT, I hope like hell this is a taken as the I Don't Know What Else To Do intervention, come-to-maker post it's meant to be but if it's not and you're angry maybe think about why.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Friday everyone! Doing today cause I shall be doing 5x01 On Sunday like I mentioned before to not be posting on Christmas. :) Holy crap we’re on the S4 finale. I remember when I watching it when it premiered thinking is this real life? Thought I was in a fever dream haha Made some long gifs to fit everything in LOL This one is super packed also this ep doesn’t need much more of an intro. So let’s get this party started.

4x22 Day in The Hole

Our fav patch work family gets the cold open. This moment truly is Tim and Lucy in mom/dad mode. Makes me so damn happy. Tim complaining because Tamara is late to meet them. Moaning on and on saying they have to go... but makes no effort to actually move or leave. Because the both of them have Tim wrapped around their finger. That man isn't moving but will complain the whole time about it LOL Lucy going into wifey mode calming him down saying she’ll be here. Relax. ha

Tamara pulls in and almost hits someone. In a police station parking lot... Their reactions I’m dying. Just a couple of concerned parents watching their kid almost cause an accident. Lucy is a proud mom as she pulls up. Clapping her hands. Tim looking like the stern father. He glares at the car wanting to see if this car is safe enough for her. This is a glimpse into them as parents. I’m liking what I see. Also can I say how cute it is Lucy wants Tim to look at her car in first place. Of course he said yes.

Tamara comes out and says isn’t she pretty? Saying it’s her first car. Lucy correcting her saying actually her car was her first. Tamara makes a joke about it being her fifth if they’re talking stolen. Tim has such a dad moment. ‘What?’ She loves to push their buttons it’s hilarious. Telling Tim it's a joke. Just loves messing with her pseudo mom and dad. Lives for it really. This is a fantastic way to start this episode off.

The family energy in this scene giving me all the feels. Lucy telling her to get it checked by the mechanic first. That you never know what cars from seized police auction go through. Tamara says Tim set her up with his guy already. Lucy is beaming about this. Says ‘Awww you do have a heart.’ ha Tim can't be seen as soft so he deflects.

But you are soft for both your girls Tim…This much is obvious ha You're a soft little puppy for them. I mean it's only for them but a marshmallow none the less. His reply is sassy af. Saying it’s purely out of self interest. He didn’t want to deal with Lucy being a drag with her dying in a mangled fireball of metal on the 405. The scoff/look Tamara shoots his way is hilarious. Tim fires back ‘Joke.’

Like Father like daughter and I’m dying with the cuteness in this cold open. Also Tim mirroring her posture from when she said 'Joke' to him. LMAO Unfortunately a drug sniffing dog starts barking at the car. Tim opens the hatch back and searches it. Find kilos of drugs hidden in the compartment. Tamara looks so sad. ‘I’m not getting my car back am I?’ Hahaha Sorry my dear you are definitely not…

Lucy looks up who the car is registered to. It's ‘Jake Butler.’ Lucy pulls up his mug shot and is confused as hell. Ahhhh the beginning of Dim it’s glorious. They pick up his doppelgänger and it's pretty amusing. Didn’t have room for that portion but his ‘Yo, why you looking like me?’ LOL Kills me. They get him into interrogation and the girls are having a field day with it. Enjoying Tim's discomfort so very much. Tim isn’t about this whatsoever of course.

Lucy says maybe they were separated at birth? Tim replies he’s a year older than him and was born in FL. You can see how unsettling he finds this. Tim tries to brush this off. Saying he doesn’t look that much like him. Ok honey… Angela saying he’s not the brightest bulb. Lucy gets excited and says ‘Tim and Dim’ LMAO Enjoying herself far too much with this. Angela and Nyla are joining in on it laughing with her. They aren't helping tamp down her excitement about this at all.

Tim calling Jake 'Dim' is hilarious. Lucy's face when he does is too cute. Also It cracks me up the minute they enter interrogation Dim hits on Lucy. Doesn't waste any time. I’m dying. Also you know Melissa and Eric had a blast filming these scenes. They’re so funny. The cockiness on Dim saying she would remember ha! Man isn’t lacking in the confidence department that's for sure. They tell him they found his car. He gets all excited saying someone stole it LOL

They inform him it was towed cause he parked by a hydrant haha Tim confronts him about the drugs in the car and Dim denies having it. Because of course he does. His fingerprints are all over the bags. Tim says he helps them and they’ll keep him out of prison. Dim gets offended and says he thought they had a bond ha.

Lucy asks where the drugs came from? He tells them Mexico that he was supposed to drive them over the border. But then he wanted to see his girl first before he dropped them off. I.e. Juicy heh When he came back out the car was gone. Tim asks for the name of the guy they were going to. He tells them Ray Hajek. Lucy gets a look in her eye and asks if his crew ever met him? He tells them no but why? We watch Lucy light up and Tim is confused why she is so excited haha

It’s here we see Lucy’s excitement go into hyperdrive. I love this portion because she is like a kid in a candy store with this. The sugary high to go along with it LOL Grey and Angela are no help to Tim whatsoever. They are beyond amused by Lucy’s antics. Like to note how easily Tim gives into Lucy’s demands here btw. You're married you just don’t know it yet.

Once he agrees Lucy gets ultra hyper which has me cackling. I love how she stops him with her hands. Because she’s too excited to walk now. Saying all the things they need to do to get him to look like Dim. Tim pointing out she is enjoying this way too much. Duh. I love her excited speed walk to catch up to him and say he needs tattoos. Lucy was a little too excited for those tats heh She sure loves the idea of a clean cut Tim Bradford covered in tattoos.

We pan to Lucy being on the team watching Tim’s OP. Part of the rescue team if needed. Kinda nice to see her on the watching end instead of him. Being just as much the worried wifey as he is the husband for her when she does UC. He gets taken up to the boss and does a damn good job of it. They’re pissed at him first because he disappeared with their drugs. Tim saying he went to ground because he didn’t want to get caught. Trying to avoid jamming him up.

He then asks why Wisco his heavy shouldn’t throw him over the balcony? We watch Lucy and Angela tense up. Tim has this handled with his reply above though. He is shocked with his intelligent reply. Saying he heard he was dumb. Tim continues on saying he wants people to think he’s dumb. Means they underestimate him.

That answer is enough for him. Tell Tim get his cash on way out. Or he could do another job for him and triple it. Tim asks what kind of job? He won’t divulge that portion just yet. Only that it’s heavy and tomorrow. They’ll need a driver. They heard his old lady is fast. Tim makes a crack 'Sometimes too fast.' He laughs and tells him they’ll be in touch with him.

Angela catches Lucy and tells her she had Dim’s GF picked up. Lucy is like 'Ok…Wait why are you being weird?' Angela says she needs to see for herself. She is enjoying this far too much. It’s Juicy! Haha Having AU Tim and Lucy makes my soul happy ahahah Now Tim is the one enjoying himself. Lucy is in shock when she sees her doppelgänger. Angela adding in ‘I guess we know who’s going undercover with Dim.’

Tim’s taunting is funny I’m rolling. ‘Yeah Juicy.’ ‘No’ ‘Mmhmm It’s Juicy’ LOL I’m dying this is so hilarious. Not so funny when it’s your double eh Lucy? Also you know Angela was enjoying this way too much as well. Lucy’s ‘I don’t like that…’ cracks me up. She is so disturbed by having her own double. She was having fun before and now she doesn't like it. Also probably stirring some stuff up there is an AU version of them out there. Not only that but they're together.

We’ve arrived at THE scene for the episode. Tim is over at Lucy’s for OP prep. Saying the backstory has to be airtight. Lucy agrees with him and asks how they met? Tim's answer of a BBQ is vanilla as it gets. This is why she’s the UC babe LOL Lucy telling him that’s lame. I love her just being so upfront with him. She always is but there is a confidence here I love. This is her wheelhouse and Tim is just along for the ride. This is her show really and she proves that in this scene.

Tim is such a stubborn turd saying ‘You think you can do better?’ Oh Timothy you’re about to have your mind blown and your brain broken…She starts out strong saying ‘Watch me.’ Lucy rubs her hands together. Saying they met because he was on the run from the cops. Tim nodding along but not totally sold yet. Lucy continues on with he ended up in her building frantic.Looking for a place to hide.

That she was the one who opened up the door for him. That she lied to the cops for him. It's here we see Tim starts to be impressed with her backstory. That sweet smirk of his in the second gif. You know he is in awe of her right now. That smirk and head tilt is a dead giveaway. Look at how soft he looks gazing at her. Fooling no one sir.

Lucy’s confidence continues as she finishes up their backstory. It's the smug smile and direct eye contact she gives him as she delivers that line above that gets me. I watch this scene and I’m still in shock we got it. That Lucy is talking about their alter egos hooking up while the cops search for him. Thus his brain malfunctioning. Tim’s reaction is glorious. It will always make me laugh no matter how many times I see it.

Kudos to Eric for crushing it like he always does. Lucy short circuited his brain and it shows. He is having an repeated error message and failing to reboot. You can tell he’s trying to hide the fact she turned him on a little. She achieved this with her confidence through out the story and just blowing his mind right at the end. The man will never recover. He is legit speechless.

Tim was not expecting her to go there at all. She floored him while simultaneously turning him on LOL His professional brain came to a screeching halt when she finished. Also I'm sure he wasn't expecting to be turned on by just her words either. His body was not ready for such things. Good thing he’s sitting cause I’m sure his pants just got a little tighter….

Tim then remembers he has to reply to her plan now haha Trying to gain his wits about him. Telling her ‘Ok….that..that's pretty good actually.’ Pretty good? She just blew your backstory out of the water. Then proceeded to make your brain stop working. You know he’s a mixture of turned on and impressed as hell with her. Won’t say so but his face said it all for us didn’t it? He legit had his jaw drop like a cartoon hahaha

Tim is seeing she truly is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to UC holy crap. She is also basking in the fact that she crushed his plan with her own, made him speechless, and then got a compliment out of him. Lucy is feeling pretty proud of herself when she says 'Thank you.' I love seeing this confidence on her. It's a good look. Just like I'll never over Tim's growth same goes for her. To see the confident bad ass woman she is now. How far she's come. I love it seeing it.

Once Tim has some semblance of a brain back he mentions the elephant in the room. That if they’re gonna sell they're together. They’re gonna have to...You know…. Lucy knowing exactly what he’s talking about but giving him a hard time. Trying to get him to say the words. Pretending like she has no idea what he’s talking about. He continues to get flustered and stammers around. Poor Tim. He struggles with his words and stutters. He’s shocked she doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Lucy is enjoying herself far too much. Look at her face. Letting him dangle and trip over his words. Knowing talking about this is making him so very uncomfortable LOL So mean to do to your soulmate Lucy ha She finally throws him a lifeline and says we might have to PDA? Tim gets frustrated she strung him along and says never mind. Lucy stops him and says he’s right. If they’re going to kiss it shouldn’t be for the first time.

Then the awkwardness that is them pre-kiss ensues. They’re not sure what to do now…So Lucy suggests they stand up. No one does awkward better than these two. They’re so out of their depth right now. It's hysterical. I love a nervous Lucy Chen she is beyond adorable right here. The way Tim starts to lean in and she bails LOL Saying ‘No’ with a nervous giggle ejecting far away from him I’m rolling.

She totally chickens out at first and I don’t blame her. After last episode I'm sure her emotions are going haywire in this moment. Being shy because she already knows of the feelings there. That this was going to bring them out even more. Tim is about to find out himself what this kiss will reveal. Tim is exasperated and not understanding what’s going on here.

He's got a let's do this and get it over with attitude. The thing is Tim is nervous too. Look at him in that first gif. Takes a deep cleansing breath before trying to give her a kiss. He is just as nervous as she is. One thing to banter and flirt with your partner. It's another to kiss them. They’re both buzzing with nerves and it’s adorable af. Hats off to Eric and Melissa in this scene. I can feel all their anxiety and giddiness in this moment. They do an amazing job in this portion.

Tim get frustrated again and says ‘Oh, you know what? We’re professionals. Let’s just get this over with.’ Lucy’s reaction is the best part LOL Telling him 'Whoa! that’s romantic.' His childish reply of saying he wasn’t trying to be romantic LMAO OMG it’s a good thing you’re about to kiss. Because I wanna yell at them to kiss and get a room already.

Their banter is primo in this scene. Legendary really as is this entire scene. We talk about them being married a lot but never more so than before this kiss. Lucy telling him he’s succeeding and he replies with his pouty face. It’s all so hilarious to watch unfold. Lucy’s nervousness continues to shine through. Trying to reset herself as she psyches herself up to kiss him.

Tim never fails in making me laugh with his expressions and reactions. Telling her in an sarcastic tone to ‘Take her time...’ LOL Lucy trying to give herself a pep talk while Tim stands there exasperated af with her. He is so very done at this point. Just waiting her out at this point. Because he’s used to his wife antics. I love his annoyed deep sigh he let outs when she’s ready to rejoin him. The way he swings his arms in impatience lol

Tim finally leans in and gives her the most pitiful peck on the lips. He’s so proud of himself when he pulls back though. It’s pretty damn adorable if you ask me. He is expecting praise from his girl only to be demolished by her. Lucy was definitely expecting way more than what he just delivered. It's almost like she has to hold back a laugh at his lack luster attempt. Also that he thought he did a good job with it. Saying ‘I'm s...Sorry, is that it?' After all that build up just an innocent peck on the lips? Tim is so offended about her critique till she lays one on him. Effectively silencing him with a kiss. Also like to note how I love how this season started with an almost kiss and ends with an actual one. Lovely bookend.

I’ll never be over her cutting him off with her lips and grabbing him by the face. Pulling him forcefully towards her lips. *phew lord* Has his whole face in her hands while she has her way with him. I love how he stumbles into the kiss at first. If you watch him in the beginning of this gif you see him fall forward into the kiss. Wasn’t expecting that show of force from her. He needs a second to readjust his body into what’s now happening. Both of their frustrations with each other melting away once their lips touch. Takes them a moment to find their rhythm. Then it’s all about melding into one another. Fitting like the perfect puzzle pieces they low key always knew they were.

How Lucy’s right hand drops to his chest as she gets comfortable in this kiss. In his arms. Doing what comes naturally while in them. She keeps her left hand firmly on his face though. Keeping those beautiful lips of his directed at her. We watch Tim start to melt into Lucy as well. See how his body begins to relax against hers. His hand has made it's way up to her shoulder. Had this continued I have no doubt they would've swapped places from where they started. His hands continuing their journey upwards. Tim encasing her face in his hands as he continued to kiss her as if his life depended on it.

We see them start to get lost in their kiss. That argument of their's a moment ago is long forgotten. It’s such a sexy first kiss sweet lord. Tim has quickly adjusted from the beginning of the kiss. He's eased into it now and is ready to go for more. We saw him begin startled then quickly relax into her as the kiss goes on. Seems so natural like they've done this before. Reminds me of Chandler and Monica. When Joey/Rachel ask Chandler what he felt when he and Monica kissed after being friends for so long? Telling them felt like 'Why haven't we been doing this the entire time?' This kiss represents that line IMO.

Look at the way he is melting into her as he looks to deepens that kiss. He’s attached to her upper lip. We can see a little tongue too. Don't think I didn't see you slip that in Timothy heh. He is ready to take this further when their pseudo daughter walks in….I love it being Tim who deepened that kiss. Making that all important first move once again. Lucy wasn’t complaining one bit btw. Cracks me up how Tamara's first solution is to go. Let them have more time alone. I'm sure she's thought of them getting together before.

She doesn't seem terribly shocked by this so much as incredibly amused. How could she not with how they are? Then the awkward hilarity begins. I’ll never be over Lucy’s ‘Oh!’ As they fly apart from each other. Both trying to put a continent between them. It’s so damn funny. Went from hot and heavy to insanely embarrassed. The music stopping abruptly as well. Never fails to make me laugh my ass off. There is so much to love after the kiss as there is with it.

The way they scramble to explain why they were making out is priceless. Stumbling over their words and each other. Lucy trying to explain that this is 'Work' Uh huh. Sure let's call it that. Tim adding on they're going UC. Tamara is bemused to say the least. Telling them they don't have to explain themselves to her. Tim then starts looking desperately for items he didn’t bring LOL Then realizing he has nothing to gather up.

'You know what? No. I didn't bring anything...' LMFAO Flustered Tim Bradford is a joy to watch. Lucy already broke his brain earlier and then destroyed it with that kiss. You know he’s in love because that man doesn’t get flustered easily. He legit doesn’t know what to do with himself. Other than awkwardly retreat from Lucy. He is shook and it’s showing big time.

I love that he’s a complete disaster just from kissing Lucy. This entire scene is iconic and makes me so happy to watch. They awkwardly point at one another. For what reason I couldn't tell you. Other than they don't know what to do with themselves right now. The height of nervous awkwardness has arrived and I’m joyful Haha They’re both so embarrassed and flustered it’s glorious.

Lucy is flaming red after she tells Tim 'G...Good work tonight'. She is mortified she just said that to him after they made out. Tim replies in kind because he is also nervously awkward as he leaves. She can’t even look at him as he makes his hasty exit. Her back is turned to him as he departs and does another dorky finger point. Saying bye to Tamara as he does. Lucy's facial expressions are legit killing me. She then she turns around to face Tamara and it only gets worse.

Lucy has no idea what to say to being caught making out with Tim. Tamara's face in that second gif is hilarious. It's like she's giving Lucy a chance to explain herself further. Wanting to see what she'll come up with. She notices Lucy isn't in the right state of mind for answers. So Tamara saves her further embarrassment and says she’s headed to her room…Bless you. Your pseudo mother needed that LOL

We join Tim in the hallway post all of that mess haha. I once again must commend Eric and his wonderful expressions. He conveys so very much in this moment. It’s the range of emotions he expresses that is so impressive. He just nails it. This is the moment where Tim realizes his feelings for Lucy. Yes she short circuited his brain 100 percent here. But there is far more to this expression than that.

4x21 was Lucy’s epiphany episode. This is Tim’s 'Oh shit I’m in love with Lucy' moment. It’s like he finally has the answer to why he’s always felt the way he’s felt. Why he fought so hard for her not to wash out. Why he said and did things he didn’t totally understand for her. Explaining why he was so protective with her in UC. Why he was ALWAYS happier around her. Just like Lucy it’s hitting him like freight train. His feelings coming sharply into focus.

He goes from broken brain, to realization he’s in love with her, to oh shit I’m in love with my best friend...what am I going to do? The way his eye bug out a little as he comes to this conclusion is everything. That kiss cleared the skies in his brain. He can see clearly now and it scaring him a little. Everything was muddled before and now it’s clear as day. He looks back at her door before he is able to unroot himself from that spot. Tim Bradford is in love with Lucy Chen and it’s just hitting him ❤️

The awkward cuteness continues the next day. Tim is sitting in his truck with his thoughts. Probably having an existential crisis in the process tbh. I bet you he didn't sleep a wink last night either. Probably trapped in his thoughts the entire time. Also he is clearly just waiting for Lucy to appear. Which is pretty damn adorable.

He perks right up when she arrives. Makes me heart so happy actually. Giving me all the feels. He is so adorable waiting on the girl he loves so he can talk to her. They’re both so smitten at this point my heart is gonna implode. She spots him waiting in his truck. Then does her adorkable wave at him when he notices her looking at him. It's so cute I cannot. They’re both so nervous it’s beyond precious.

First off love them matching in colors. I feel this was intentional both being in light blue. Once they reach each other the air is rife with unresolved tension. They cut each other off both wanting to speak. Lucy tells him to go first. You can see Tim desperately wants to clear the air. Be vulnerable about the kiss. We see the hope on Lucy’s face as he struggles to find the words. That he is going to say that kiss unlocked something, that it was more than just a practice kiss etc.

That does seem where he is headed when he started this convo. Then our boy loses his nerve completely. Says they should work more on their backstory …You can see the sheer disappointment on Lucy’s face that he said that instead. Probably wishing she had gone first and not him. It’s ok Tim you’ll gain the courage in 5x08 don’t worry. My little awko tacos. How I love thee.

Phew lord that was daunting to write about and tackle haha The sheer volume of gifs out there for this one are immense. But damn I love their slow burn so very much and adore writing about it. Can’t believe we’re done with s4 what a trip.

~~~

Side notes-non chenford

Nolan had a SL but meh.

The only parts worth mentioning are Nell/Elroy being adorable. And how hilarious it was Pete slept through the entire fight scene for Bailey LOL

Thank you to all the readers been with me on this especially those from the very start. You know who you are :) Your likes, comments and reblogs have been a bright spot in my day shall see you all in S5 woo.