#also some of the managers are fucking CREEPS and it's real bad and communication between management sucks

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Shoutout to me from five weeks ago, about to start my new job, saying "watch this space, in about four weeks my mental health will be deteriorating rapidly". That bitch was bang on the money.

[tamarhasoddthoughts]

Rant time! Its 12am so ofcourse the thiam obsession is creeping back and i just want to talk about what everyone has talked about which is The Elevator Scene.

Ok.

So we all know that scene, yeah but like. Lets talk about the before. So Scott calls Theo when he was about to dip from beacon hills(i think. I have not watched this show in 2 years everything I'm saying may very well be complete bs) and he specifically tells Theo to get ‘liam’ and the others out of there because of the hunters(?is that even correct?) and Theo hauls ass back to the hospital JUST in time to grab Liam and shove them both back into the elevator.

Its just. Do you realise the amount of times Theo has saved Liam? Like, not just from danger but from himself aswell. Theo has saved Liam so many times and i just Dont. get it?

Like you can, of course, argue that it's because Liam brought Theo back from hell and he feels indebted to the guy but i frankly just Dont believe that and i never will

Why? Because even though Liam brought Theo back SCOTT allowed him to stay out of hell. Lets all be real here. If Liam had not managed convinced Scott to let Theo stay his ass would have been back underground. Liam was insistent, yeah, but Scotts his alpha. He would have put theo back if he(Scott) really wanted him to. So, realistically, i feel like he'd be more indebted to Scott rather than Liam.

Of course he's still be grateful to Liam but not grateful enough to be running up and down beacon hills to save Liam from every and all mortal or non-mortal peril yk?

Like i feel like we forget as a community that Theo is SELFISH and not a really nice guy. Like he's one of my favourite characters of all times but he was not a good person in s5 and yeah he reformed in s6 (best character development arc Imo) but there's just some traits that have been so ingrained in you that you Dont really forget them and i hc that Theo still struggles trying to fight some of the instincts he's used to (spying, lying, idk counting the amount of heartbeats whenever he walks in a room YOU GET IT) and if it was, for example, stiles or fuck idk Scott, would Theo do the same for them?

Those might potentially be bad examples but literally think of ANY other teen wolf character: would Theo do for them what he did for Liam? Would he? I Dont think so.

So Scott mentions Liam is at the hospital and in danger and Theo goes immediately, like turns that truck Around lmfao, and he saves Liam and then he opens his mouth and utters the lie ‘Look, I'm not dying for you’ because not only is he a lying liar who lies he's is also an emotionally repressed lying liar who liars.

Because in the same hospital in 6a(? Is it 6a or am i tripping) he literally made himself bait. There's a chance that Theo could have been shot and would have been forgotten. There's even potentially a chance that he could have been killed and sent back to the place he would have done ANYTHING to not go back to and what does he do? He sacrificed himself for Liam. FOR LIAM

And the thing is, i feel like before Scott called Theo, he would have been out of beacon hills in a flash. He potentially sacrificed his only chance to leave that hellish town because of Liam. Liam.

Liam is the only one that Theo continuously saves over and over and over again throughout s6 hell even SEASON 5 and yeah that was because of his mega evil plan but still. Theos just intentionally proving my point rn

So Theo lies and Liam lies back and they have that ultra gay stare down in that stupid fucking elevator and then Theo looks down and i know that it's a popular hc that Theo looks at his lips but me and many others choose to believe that Theo looks at liams heart because one of the many differences between these two hooligans is that Theo is an EXCELLENT liar and Liam is…. not. So when Liam lies ‘Im not dying for u either’ Theo can tell and ohmygodtypingthisoutismakingmemadwhyweretheynotcanon

And then they fight together and quite literally take bullets for one another (this ship makes me laugh why are they like this) after professing their fraudulent lies and Theo takes gabes pain and then they fuck nasty in the hospital bathrooms the end

LMAO I FUCKING HATE THIS SHOW AHDBBDHDBD

[darkeninganon]

Heyo! Back at it again with Ghost Dream (Gream). He has a little weirdness happen in this chapter, mostly because my brain just yeeted off to Pluto. I don’t think I need any Trigger warnings, I mean... Tommy gets a little shaken up emotionally, but beyond that, this is a pretty safe chapter.

Gream smiled, setting up the final blocks to complete the diorama on the table. It had taken many days, but finally Gream had completed it, with the help of Tubbo, Ranboo, and Tommy. It was an exact replica of the server. Well, with a few changes. Some places had no walls, and the building in place of the prison was nothing more than an obsidian box surrounded by red and orange string. There were also the dolls, almost exact replicas of the people of the SMP.

Almost.

Tomothy had a blue sweater on, instead of whatever the real Tommy was wearing. William was grey-skinned, had no white streak, and was wearing a yellow sweater. Prezbo was wearing a classy suit, reflecting his position of power. Lethe was wearing a cloak and bandages over his eyes. Gream even made one like himself, naming it "Nightmare", it lacked a mask though. He was not about to try and figure out how to make a doll-sized mask. There were so many more as well: A centaur-like creature named "The Warden" sat on top of the prison box, a tall cloaked figure standing in a sandy area along with many other smaller ones, including a fox man; most notably was a figure in a bloody suit with crooked eyes, a pink scar slashing vertically through one, a beanie, a gold tooth, and a square smile. "Fangs", "Raev", "Sir"....

Gream shook his head, fear and dread creeping up his spine and making his stomach roll. He sighed, setting the dolls down after inspecting them. Raev was his favorite in the group; Gream had given him bright orange hair and a smile, plus a cute green-black suit. It clashed with the hair and fur, but Gream didn't mind, it was kind of cute in a way.

Gream continued to just stare at the little scene, sitting cross-legged as he took it all in. All of these characters were related, their stories tied together in some way. Gream reached over, pulling Nightmare from the little brick house he stood on and placing the doll in the cell The Warden stood on. That was where Nightmare belonged.

Gream spun to look at the door as the floor creaked, Tommy looming in the doorway, staring at the ghost.

"Hey there. Your table is finally done?" The teen asked, stepping into the room and over to the table. He wouldn't deny, it made him nervous; it was a replica of the SMP with New L'Manburg, the oldest version of the Community House, and the maximum security cell of the prison, plus Snowchester and Las Nevadas. It was like the server had been spliced between several time periods. "Looks good."

Gream looked back at the table, nodding. "Thanks. I also made the dolls." Gream motioned to them. He noticed Tommy tense, specifically when looking at the one in the prison. "That's Nightmare. He belongs in jail."

Tommy knew Dream was... quiet, to put it lightly, but he had never seen Gream do the same. "Yeah, and why's that?" he asked, sitting next to the ghost.

"He did a lot of bad things." Gream grabbed the doll, pulling it from the "jail" to look at it more.

"Well... sometimes people do bad things for a good reason-"

"That doesn't make it okay. Nightmare did a lot of bad things. He wanted to have a family... He wanted Tomothy to be his little brother, but Tomothy chose William, and William was a megalomaniacle dick to everyone, even Nightmare. But then William died and things got better." Gream placed Nightmare back in the cell. "But... William managed to convince Tomothy that Nightmare was evil, and Nightmare saw people drifting apart because he gave Prezbo a test, and Prezbo failed it." He grabbed the two dolls, holding them close. He then placed Prezbo back in the town he had built, placing Tomothy in a bare plains-like area with wooden fort-like walls around him. "Prezbo kicked Tomothy out of their home because Nightmare got mad and threatened the town. Then, Nightmare tried to... twist? Corrupt? No, neither of those words work..."

Tommy's breath hitched, and it took a moment for him to speak; "Manipulate?" His voice pitched up. Fuck, he really had to get that under control. It was such a tell.

Gream looked to Tommy, nodding solemnly. "Yeah. Nightmare tried to manipulate Tomothy into liking him. Like William had done when alive. Instead, Tomothy just hated him more." Gream picked up another doll, rolling it around. "Then, Nightmare asked for Lethe's help. A favor. Lethe needed to protect the server, but he had to forget everything unless there was actual danger. A True threat. They cast some... spell or something, and Lethe forgot." Gream placed the doll in the area that looked like Snowchester, and now Tommy could see who it looked like: Ranboo. "there is a way to reverse it, but... I don't know if Lethe knows it."

Tommy watched, listened. It was so obvious who was meant to be who. It was like Gream... Wait... "Hey, so... you said Nightmare wanted a family, right?"

"Yeah."

"So... he made everyone think he was evil... and now he's in jail, yeah?"

"That's right. Mostly. He is in jail."

"Well... did... I mean, how did he get in there?"

Tommy watched as Gream seemed to think, staying silent and still before grabbing "Nightmare" from his cell. "Well... everyone teamed up against him. But... even though he'd never see anyone again, he was happy."

"Why?"

"Because, they were finally a family." Gream placed the little doll back in the cell. His voice was soft, wistful.

Tommy nodded. "Pardon me." He stood and left, Gream nodding to show he had heard. Tommy barely made it to the stairs, clinging to the railing as he finally broke. Gream was... He wasn't just playing out his memories, he was sharing what he felt and his thoughts at the time. Dream was... Jealous? No, that didn't excuse his actions, at all! He was still worse than... But... No, he wasn't. Dream was just more physical, less mental.

Tommy took out his communicator, sending a message to Tubbo and Ranboo: We need to talk. Meet me at Snowchester. Bring the others Ranboo. Tommy grit his teeth. He couldn't let Wilbur near Gream. Wilbur would see Gream as an easy mark, and likely a way into Las Nevadas. Sure, seeing Dream's version of everyone on the SMP was unnerving, but it was even more unnerving that he has so perfectly replicated Quackity and Las Nevadas. Quackity who was likely the reason Gream even existed in the first place, and also someplace Dream had never seen. Gream probably didn't even know he had done that.

Tommy swung open the front door, hoping to meet the others right at the tunnel; nearly smacking right into Wilbur. Fuck.

"Tommy! There you are! Now, look, I know me and Quackity were a bit intense-"

"Not now Wilbur."

"Okay, but hear me out! We need so much more stone, and more importantly, we need to team up with-"

"I have more important things to worry about here."

"It'll just take a moment! We team up with Tubbo and Ranboo and let them expand into our land right by Las Nevadas, and-"

"I'll talk to you about it later, alright?"

"Alright, but real quick, We also need to come up with a plan to get Dream out of Prison-" Tommy tensed, unseen by Wilbur; "Because, you know, he has that book that brought me back. God, imagine how useful that'll be! No more death ever! We can fight for eternity and no one can stop-"

Wilbur's head was snapped to the side. Tommy had punched him. "He's not a fucking tool you can just lock up once you're done using him! What the fuck man?!" Wilbur groaned, rubbing his jaw as he slowly turned to look at Tommy, clearly wanting to say something, but too shocked to do so. "You will... never get the revive book, or the power it holds... Dream is... I hope Sam kills you again." Tommy turned away from Wilbur, storming over to the tunnel. He knew Wilbur was following silently behind, confused and desperate to say something, to get to the bottom of why Tommy just punched him.

Tommy stood by the tunnel, furious. Sure, Dream was a dick, and everything would have been solved if Dream had just talked to Tommy, but at the same time... Asking Gream more about Nightmare would shed some light. But he needed everyone else to show up first, to see what Gream was doing. Tommy tapped his foot, staring at the sky as they waited for everyone else.

Ranboo burst from the tunnel, trident in hand, panicked expression, netherite on. "What's going on?!" Someone crashed into the poor half enderman, causing him to make that distinct noise of an enderman in pain as they crashed to the ground.

"Shit! Sorry-" Phil couldn't complete his apology as the rest on the Syndicate tumbled out of the hyper tunnel, crashing into each other.

Tommy snorted, trying his hardest not to laugh as the four people untangled themselves. Ah yes, the most fearsome group on the server, couldn't navigate a hyper tunnel. Tommy lost it as Tubbo came speeding out of the tunnel with a scream, crashing into his platonic husband and causing Ranboo to let out another pained enderman noise. Something about Ranboo yelling like an enderman was just so funny to Tommy, surely he was cursing in the language of the End.

"What did you want to talk to us about, Tommy?" Niki cut in, her usually calm voice cold, snapping Tommy out of his laughing fit.

"Right, uh... Let’s walk and talk, yeah? It's a little tough to explain." Tommy lead the group to the mansion, casting a quick glare at Wilbur. "So, you all know about Gream, yeah? Of course you do, anyways, he was building and working on a table to play games with when it comes to spending time with Big Mike, since neither are really allowed to leave due to safety." Tommy glanced back, making sure everyone was following along; Techno and Wilbur looked completely lost, while Niki looked confused but was clearly listening. "So, the thing about this table, more importantly the dolls he made for the table, is that they're... well... This is going to sound really weird, but it’s everyone and everywhere on the server. You’ll see." Tommy pointed to the door, and everyone crowded around to peer into the room.

Gream sat by the table, looming over it. Even with the cursed mask on, it was clear he was concentrating hard on something. The table and dolls had his full attention. Tommy motioned for everyone to linger back, hiding just outside the door-frame; before he walked in, he let out a quiet cough to not startle Gream. The ghost looked up at the noise, spotting Tommy and nodding at the teen.

"Hey Gream. I... actually had a question for you about that uh... Nightmare character." Tommy carefully walked up to the table, pulling the doll from the cell.

"Well, ask then."

Tommy smiled nervously, fidgeting with the toy. "Well... You said he did bad things because he was angry... jealous, actually. Um, why didn't he just talk it out?" It was such a huge risk, and for all Tommy knew, this could make Gream angry and have the ghost snap like he did back at his house.

Gream was silent, perking up as if thinking about something. Finally, he sighed. "Nightmare... Nightmare can't figure out his emotions... and he doesn't like talking about them... Someone... Hurt him once, someone he loved. It’s something I understand, but... you prefer talking about things, right?"

Tommy was quiet, frozen. "What?"

"I..." Gream pulled on the edges of his mask, a puddle of acid began to form under him. "Ever since the incident with Jack and Puffy I... Tommy, you're not telling me the truth, are you? No one is!"

Tommy flinched. He could hear netherite armor being thrown on behind him, but he took a breath, relaxing as he placed the doll back in the cell. "You're right. I haven't been honest. But-" Tommy held his hand up as Gream glared at him; "But I have my reasons. Nightmare... He did bad things for a good reason... He knew he'd go into jail for it, didn't he?"

Gream was silent, thinking again before nodding.

"That's why he asked Lethe for a favor. Well... People do bad things for good reasons all the time. I'm... withholding information from you for some very good reasons. It's not just for your safety, it's also for me. The things I'm keeping from you... they're things I don't like talking about, ever." Tommy sighed, running a hand through his hair. It sucked having to try to explain it, but now... Now they'll get to see things from Dream's view... something that no one was interested in before-

"Dream died?!"

Tommy cringed as he was reminded that Wilbur was there. "Yes, Dream died. Congradu-"

Wilbur shoved Tommy out of the way, grabbing Gream's hand and shaking it vigorously. "It's amazing to meet you! You and I were such- Oh man, we had so much fun together! I was... What was the word again? Oh yeah! I was your vassal! You helped me blow-"

Tommy shoved Wilbur away. "Alright, enough! Leave the poor guy alone!" Tommy stood between Wilbur and the ghost, Gream didn't need to know that he helped destroy L’Manburg or was a traitor or anything like that. Wait... Tommy shook his head. Dream was never really on their side.

"You... I don't like you."

"I'm.... What? What do you-"

"You're a megalomaniac aren't you?" Gream crossed his arms, glaring at Wilbur from behind his mask. "You... You were... Why do I hate you?" Gream turned away, pacing around until he looked to the table. He grabbed Nightmare and William, setting them up along with Tomothy on a hill. He stared at them, gently fiddling with Nightmare as he stayed quiet.

Wilbur went to go say something, but Tommy stopped him, staring intently at the ghost.

"You could have been a good leader... But I don't want to be a good leader. I hate you so much, I'm going to be worse than ram man... I will tear this place apart because I hate you... Tomothy gave up everything and you gave up nothing, you are going to get him killed..."

Gream removed Tomothy, setting him up with Prezbo on top of an obsidian wall. "Can't we all just be a family... No, you're the bad guy... but why?" Gream stopped, picking up Nightmare and holding him close. "But why?"

[1kook]

paint job, hand job

a some way, some how jk smut drabble  ((there’s references to it but honestly this could be read alone)) tags; established relationship, more autoshop fun, handjobs, praise pink, spitting :/, nipple play, jk gets pampered basically, hints of domesticity notes; I wrote sw,sh bc I specifically wanted to write this scene and in the end I forgot about it…. so here it is in drabble form 🤩

also thank u to my buddy @kigurumu for reading this over for me 🖤🥺 no more wrong usage of verb tenses🤩 and u have rumu to thank for it!!!!!! also thank rumu for sliding me this gif v.v

In the past few months, you’ve come to learn a multitude of new things about Jungkook. He was still as wonderful and endearing as he’d been his whole life, and with no soul-crushing secrets between you two, you were exposed to a whole new side of him. There were, of course, a lot of nice things, tiny actions you had only just begun to notice; the way his eye twitched when he was looking at a car, the mindless way he’d bump his foot against a wheel when he was thinking. But for all the wonderful things Jungkook was, you would also catch sight of weirder quirks. Not weird in that they made him a terrible person, but weird as in they weren’t exactly qualities the majority of society strived to have. There weren’t many, but the ones you knew of weren’t exactly ideal to your position as his girlfriend.

One, he was extremely bad at asking for help. One time you caught him floating through the bread aisle at the supermarket, hands drifting over the plastic bags as if his touch alone would remind him which was your preferred brand. It was amusing watching him wander like a ghost until you finally walked up behind him, gestured towards a loaf. You didn’t mind little things like this, after all you were very picky about buying the correct brands, and Jungkook knows this. At the time, you thought it was adorable. Overtime, however, you can admit that his fifteen minute detour to the bread aisle could have easily been cut in half with one simple text your way.

Two, he was easily stressed. Jungkook’s job was pretty grueling during the fall, when college kids were back on the roads and fucking up their cars every chance they got. Thanks to the multitude of employees on his team, he was never doing too many repairs at once. But every so often, he’d find a project that spoke to him and he’d pour every ounce of dedication into it. He always did good, always left customers happy. The real obstacle was Jungkook’s own need to always one-up himself. He was perpetually unsatisfied with his work, no matter how many times people praised him.

Lastly, and probably where you find yourself struggling the most, was his inability to communicate these things. He never asked for help, never told you he was feeling stressed. It was a guessing game with him, trying to figure out if he needed some extra support or not. You slipped up at times, tried to help him with something only for him to wave you off with an amused smile.

But there were other times where he desperately needed you and didn’t know how to ask. Like now, the shop completely dark save for a lamp shoved up beside his lonely form in the empty garage.

Rolling your sore ankles around once, your heels clack loudly as you enter the space, keys tossed somewhere onto the metal tabletop as you set to work preparing him a snack. His newest project was repairing a beat up Ford GT from the early 2000’s, a silver body with dark blue decals running over the hood. He had found it somewhere by his mom’s house, fell in love, and had been on a mission to revive it since. All this would’ve been fine, normally, if Jungkook wasn’t so set on getting everything perfect down to the last detail. Tonight, it was fixing the exterior. The garage reeked of paint.

It had been like this for the past three days. You would come over, catch him cooped up in the garage late after working hours, and make him something to eat. The weekend had been okay because you had stayed over most of the day and checked in on him when you could. But Monday was trickier to plan around; one glance at the clock told you it was a little past nine.

That morning, as you packed your lunch, you had been mindful of setting aside some for him too. Now, as you pulled a plastic container of washed and scalped strawberries for him, you were glad you had thought ahead.

It’s much brighter where he is compared to the rest of the garage, the yellow glow of the lamp glaring down at where he’s carefully running a brush against the edge of one, straight line. If he hears you come closer, he doesn’t acknowledge it, furrowed brows narrowed at the metal before him. Setting the container on a tool cart beside him, you lean down to brush your lips against his cheek. “Hi,” you murmur, wait for him to mindlessly turn his head and kiss you.

He does, a quick kiss, before diving back into his work. A beat of silence, and then, “hi, baby,” quietly, almost robotically. You don’t mind, leaning over his shoulder to glance at how perfectly he manages to paint along a straight edge, even with you breathing over his neck. He’s got the stool raised up today to properly lean over the hood of the car. Shorter than you still, but higher up than how you usually find him beneath a car. After a moment you return your gaze to the side of his face, pink bottom lip caught between his teeth as his eyes scan over his work, round glasses barely clinging to his nose. Cute, you think, faintly nudging the spectacles up the bridge of his nose for him. He mutters a soft, “thanks.”

You hum, wrapping your arms around his shoulders when he finally leans away from the car, dark eyes scanning over the paint job. Occasionally you pluck a strawberry out from the container, hold it to his lips as he munches through it, puckered lips mindlessly opening and closing for you. You don’t stop until he’s eaten half of them, by which you then move on to your daily questioning. “What else d’you eat today?” You ask.

It takes him a moment to respond. “Subway,” he says, gestures with a nod at the discarded wrappers in the trash.

“And when was that?”

“Around noon.”

You sigh, rest your forehead on his shoulder. “Baby, that was a long time ago. Have you even showered today?” You ask, tug the beanie off his head to get a whiff of his hair. It smells okay, but you have a feeling his last shower was yesterday night. Jungkook doesn’t say anything but at the first brush of your fingers through his hair, he dissolves. His head rolls back, desperate to feel your touch on him for the first time in a while. You snort, dragging your nails along his scalp. “Feel good?”

“Mhmm,” he hums, body loosening. “So good.”

You beam, trace your fingers down the curve of his neck, until goosebumps are springing up. “You’re so tense,” you note, hands drifting to rub over his shoulders. Jungkook sighs, head falling between his shoulders as you get to work on them. “You need to relax, honey.”

“I know,” he sadly agrees, and, like a baby, stretches his arms up cutely, before letting himself slouch again. You let your hands drop, wrapping your arms loosely around his chest. “But I wanna do good.”

“You always do good,” you tell him, squeezing his middle in reassurance. Jungkook sighs like he doesn’t believe you. “But,” you add, and at this he visibly deflates. “You’d do even better if you relaxed every now and then. No one’s waiting on this car. It’s just for fun, remember?”

He’s always had this obsession with perfection. You suspect it stems from his past, his relationship with Sojin, and most importantly, his relationship with her dad. One can only take so much criticism from their lover’s parents until they snap. Snap, or begin to believe it’s true. He must’ve suffered through so much in their time together and never once did he fight back, a thought that makes you frown as you watch his knee bounce nervously.

Another sigh. You kiss behind his ear, rubbing your hands soothingly over his chest. However, you greatly underestimate how strongly your thirst for Jungkook runs, because even now with him all mopey in your arms, you want nothing more than to please him.

A subtle brush over his abdomen, and Jungkook inhales a tight gasp, abs curling beneath your wandering hands. The sweatshirt he's wearing is your only obstacle. Pressing your lips to the mole on the back of his neck, you move your mouth to his ear. “Let me take care of you?” You murmur, nibbling at one of the tiny hoops that lines his ears.

He tenses up, turning his head, half-lidded eyes analyzing your features. After a moment, he nods, cheeks flushed.

“Good boy,” you purr, hands creeping beneath the hem of his top, faintly tracing over his skin. Jungkook lets out a shaky exhale, muscles tensing under your touch. Another kiss beneath his ear.

It’s rare that he lets you do this, let’s you pamper him while he does nothing. Jungkook was a fairly proactive lover, always making sure you were completely satisfied before anything else. In the past few months of being in a relationship with him, you can hardly remember a time he came without you.

Which is why you take extra care gliding your hands up his chest, over his pecs. His heartbeat thunders beneath your palm, skin so soft and kissable. You’ll save that for another day, you think, tracing a finger over his nipple. It hardens quickly, and you don’t miss the way he shifts in his seat as you begin rolling it between your fingers. “You like that?” You hum, lips pressed against his ear.

It’s so easy to get as close as you’d like, breasts pressing against his back. Jungkook nods, shaky breaths escaping his throat.

While one hand busies itself on his chest, tugging at the sensitive buds until he’s jolting in his seat, the other creeps back around his waist. You run your hand along the skin above his waistband and relish in the way his muscles twitch, until you’re finally slipping it down over his sweats.

His cock is hard, painfully so, and a soft moan escapes him when you run your hand over his length, cupping the head gently. “Look how hard you’ve gotten,” you tease, pressing your palm down more forcefully. Jungkook huffs. “Just from me playing with your nipples,” you chuckle, kissing down the side of his neck. Even through the fabric, you can feel every twitch of his cock, every throb as he grows more and more aroused.

“You like having your nipples played with?” You ask, abandoning his cock to slip both your hands up his shirt again. Jungkook complains with a soft whine, rolling his head back to the ceiling. He’s choked off when you catch both nipples in your hands, pinch the pebbled buds. His hips squirm against the stool, rutting up into nothing, as you continue over his chest. “How does it feel, sweetheart?”

“G-Good,” he gasps, knuckled fists trembling on his knees, pale from how tight he squeezes them. “Can you…?”

“Can I what?” You hum, finally releasing him in favor of gliding your hands down his stomach and over his thighs teasingly. He’s pliant under your touch, muscular thighs reduced to two trembling masses at your every touch.

Jungkook bites down a whimper, eyes trained on the hands that dance over his lower half, barely brushing over his cock like he wanted them to. “Kook?” You croon, right against his ear. He bucks into the air, his head finally lolling back to rest against your shoulder. “Finish your sentence, babe.”

He nods but you can tell he doesn’t remember what he wanted anymore, eyes rolling back behind his foggy glasses. You smirk, pressing a chaste kiss to his jaw. “I, um,” he falters, legs spreading wider as you continue massaging your palms over them. “You…um.” A few more stuttered ‘ums’ later, and then, nothing.

After a moment it’s obvious he won’t say anymore, mind a frazzled mess as he falls headfirst into the sensations you’re bestowing upon him. “It’s not proper to say ‘um’ so many times,” you scold, finally let your hand rest over his cock. He sucks in a breath, teeth clenched. “Good boys don’t do that, y’know.”

“S-Sorry,” he chokes out, and you forgive him with a squeeze around the head of his cock. “Wanna be good,” Jungkook pants, voice strung high.

“I know you do,” you murmur, kissing down his neck as your hand continues rubbing over his cock. His hips circle, body sinking further back onto you as he melts under your touches. “Wiggle your pants down for me, sweetheart.”

“Yes, yes,” he concedes, hands scrambling for his bottoms. Unravelling yourself from around his waist, you wrap your arms around his shoulders instead, watching him as he struggles to tug the rest of his jumpsuit down.

“Kook?” you call, watching his trembling hands fight with his boxers. “relax, okay?”

He nods, takes a deep breath, and then slowly tugs his bottoms down. He doesn’t manage to get that far before his eagerness wins over, and he’s struggling to push them down past the bulge of his muscular thighs. You decide it’s enough, pushing his hands away as you wrap yourself around his waist again, nuzzling your face behind his ear.

“Good boy,” you praise, and a tiny whimper catches in his throat. You glide your hand over his thigh and let it sit at the base of his cock, thumb and forefinger teasingly wrapping around the base.

“Fffuck,” he moans, twitching beneath you.

There’s a pearly bead of precum that forms at the tip, creamy substance slowly dripping down his cock and leaving a glistening trail in its wake. “Pretty,” you comment, watch it pool around your fingers. “But not enough. Kook, spit,” you demand, feel the way his body tenses up at your words.

“Huh?” He chokes, ears and neck flushed as his brain fully wraps around what exactly you’re telling him.

You shift closer, tightening your hand around his cock as you listen to the whine that rips itself from his throat. “You heard me. Lean over, and spit on your cock,” you repeat, feel him shake beneath you. “You’ve done it before, right? Used your own spit to get yourself off.”

He doesn’t answer, so you give his engorged member another squeeze that has him sputtering back to life. “I-I have,” he admits, blush high on his cheeks. “But I never just...spit. On it.”

You hum, watch the way his fingers flex on his thighs.

Deciding to switch tactics, you push as close as you can, licking a thin stripe up the curve of his ear. “But I love watching you spit,” you pout, loosening your grip on him ever so slightly. His cock remains just as stiff, standing almost completely on its own. “Love feeling it all over my body, down my pussy,” you moan, and the way you rub your thighs together is no act. Jungkook throbs in your hold, biting down another groan. “Don’t you wanna know how good it feels?”

His breaths come out shaky, head nodding at your words. He ducks down, dark hair covering his eyes from your view, but not his mouth. His lips pucker, and ever so slowly, a thin trail of spit drips down from his mouth, glistening in the lamp light until it finally reaches his cock, coating his length in a thick sheen that drips down over your knuckles.

Fuck, he was gorgeous. “That’s it,” you gently encourage, slowly beginning to work your hand over his cock. The glide is slippery, squelching noises filling the huge garage as your fist pumps up and down his cock. “Doesn’t that feel good?”

Jungkook groans, bucking into your palm with every squeeze you give. “Ye-yes,” he pants, skin warm and flushed as you kiss over his neck.

His cock is still so hard, twitching for you. You could do this for hours, feel the heavy weight of his arousal in your hands, listen to his tiny gasps of excitement. His head lolls back again, and you can’t help the endeared smile from watching him fall apart in your hands. “Sweetie, look,” you call out, finally making your other hand useful as you cup his balls.

Jungkook hisses. “Babe, that’s—“ a moan rips itself from his throat, your hands massaging over his swollen balls, caressing him as your hand picks up its pace on his cock. “Too much,” he whimpers.

You press a kiss to his neck, nibble at the skin until it’s bruising. He’s quivering like a leaf, sweat trailing down from his hair and over his skin, your name falling from his lips like it’s all he knows.

The head of his cock is angry and swollen, dripping in precum and his own saliva. You want it in your mouth, but the moment was already so fragile, so close to the end, you didn’t want to mess that up by pulling away. So you tighten your grip, licking the beads of sweat from his neck until Jungkook spasms in your hold.

“Fuck, shit, I’m gonna,” he grunts, body caving over as his orgasm hits, grabs him by the throat until he’s gasping for you to stop, voice wobbling on every syllable. You don’t, choosing to stroke him through until his cock is limp, jumpsuit stained with pearly splatters of white.

After he’s done, you press another kiss to his ear. “Good boy,” you smile, straightening your back after wiping your hands against his soiled uniform. You step away and snatch some napkins off the metal table to wipe him down.

You can tell he’s not completely there yet when you crouch down in front of him, dark eyes unfocused as you make a lousy effort to wipe the splattered droplets of cum off his jumpsuit bottoms. “Hello,” you tease, nudge his chin with your hand. “Anyone there?”

Jungkook snaps out of whatever post-orgasm trance he’d been in and helps you to your feet. “Fuck, that was good,” he sighs, and you giggle. “Screw the car, can we just go to your place?”

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[trials-by-blood]

Umm...I always see Yautja being paired up with someone strong and skilled and stuff. I was wondering if you could write something with any Yautja being with someone who is shy, meek, and a little chubby. And when they're alone or think they are they sing along to music and dance even though they can't.XD Sorry if I'm asking too much or anything...

Fegris, the dump world where the unwanted are left to rot and crumble.

  This was once a world where the yautja would crash their obsolete vessels so that they could not fall into use by the other space faring races. Ships were not the only things they left behind. Exiles, heretics, or anyone who upset the balance of their society were also left to wither, but not all did.

  In the following ages, other peoples would use Fegris as a place to forget their burdens. The Faceless Ones unloaded their collected specimens here when science deemed that their time of usefulness had ended.

  Now generations of humans, yautja, clade, mind eaters and all manner of invasive species build their cities here, clinging to half remembered mockeries of their mother cultures. Here, all Forgotten busy themselves mining ore, seeking pleasurable escape, stripping precious metals from ancient wrecks, gambling, farming, extorting, building, destroying, breeding, killing.

  One of the few honest livings to be made anywhere, the food service industry, prospers here. Organic people must eat, so this work will never die.

  Heather, an old name from an old world no one can recall, worked for her room and board at what would best resemble a mall food court. It wasn't a particularly hazardous occupation, so long as you don't taste-test the food or stay long after the coalition of retail outlets close.

(OOC: Okay this ran WAY longer than I anticipated and I had to make the choice to cap it off at 2,500ish words. I’m sorry if this TOTALLY misses the vibe you were hoping for, I kinda got carried away. Oops)

  Once, she'd made that mistake. Even her cold hearted rock-sucker of a boss told her not to bother finishing the cleaning if it meant staying after hours, but she hadn't listened. Heather hadn't wanted to leave her work half done and risk losing her job and newly acquired living space on her first day. So she'd stayed to wipe down the counters and load the trolly cart with the leftovers for the cooler. The reward for a job well finished was stepping out into the market spaces abandoned by customers and workers but repopulated by the local Yautja Bad-bloods and their rivals, The Cranium Skaggers. They were working through a territorial dispute.

  The Skaggers were human, but barely. They injected enhancement serums, most barely tested, directly into their brain tissues via an implanted port installed at the top of their shaved heads.

  Heather had stepped out of her safe enclosed little work area into a street brawl, and was pinned between the doors she'd only just locked and the carnal violence of the city. One of the yautja, who's vision was... not like hers, must have mistaken her bright heat signature and rapid heart rhythm for a Cranium Skagger.

  Oh, she tried to run when she saw him move on her with his unhuman, talon tipped hand outstretched to seize her. Heather had dropped her bag, the keys, the silly hat which matched with her uniform, and she ran but he was fast, so horridly fast for something so big, heavy, and grieved with bulky armor.

  It only took him three strides, thud thud thud, to reach her and tangle his terrible claws into the back of her long tunic. She was thrown, landing hard, disoriented and crying out as deep, raw pain shot up her left hip and into her pelvis. Something was broken.

  She saw him, her attacker, and the blades attached to his dominant arm glistening with the blood of Cranium Skagger's, but she didn't even think to cover her face. All she could do was scream for help.

  Her plea was answered. A great clawed fist smashed across the Yautja's mask with such force that his yowling face was revealed as his helm was torn from him. Next, skulls collided with a clapping of flesh so sharp, Heather thought someone had cracked a whip above her.

  One Yautja had begun to fight another. That was when she did the sensible thing, curling her arms over her head and making herself as small as she could.

  She survived that night. That battle resolved itself as she lied on the ground trembling and weeping in terror, but her savior stuck around after all the others had left. He put her things next to her, and waited until her boss came to collect her and get her help. The yautja must have gone through her communicator for her contacts.

  The fractured hip was easily and painlessly repaired but the procedure had completely drained her savings. To her shock and mild horror, someone had wired to her account credits in the exact amount to replace what she'd spent at the Urgent Intervention Facility to fix her leg.

  When she returned to work, who was there at the food court? The yautja who'd stayed that night. He stood out like a broken finger, the cleaned hand bones and torn out skull ports of Skaggers littered about what he wore like grim badges of honor. The sight of him watching her enter her workplace sent a chill up Heather's spine.

  This kept up for weeks, until The Indecent was months behind her. She'd go to work, and he'd be there, just watching. Heather's co-workers weren't fans of her admirer. Yagon, the young clade boy who took the morning shift before her was the least fond of the yautja lingering around.

  Today, as Heather stepped past her bad-blood observer who had decided to lean against the wall next to the employee entrance, Yagon was peeking out from the door to keep a watchful eye on her as she came in for her shift.

  Yagon chittered irritably, antennae vibrating as he took off his smock and hat so he could scratch his double claws at the translator hanging on a lanyard around his the joining of his head and thorax.

  The voice emanating from the little box was monotone and purposefully slow so that it could be heard clearly as he continued chirping and tweeting.

  "You know what that creep does all day waiting for you to come in? He listens to recordings of you singing on your shifts."

  Heather cringed. That was creepy. She'd had a feeling that he'd been able to hear her sing to herself from where he usually hung around, but she never thought he'd record her. It felt incredibly invasive. She briefly imagined confronting him about it, but thought better of it. He could crush her skull between his hands as if it were a brittle little Skitterling egg. She hunched her shoulders and hugged herself a bit.

  Yagon then turned and dropped the claws of his primary arms on her shoulders.

  "I can file an anonymous report for you. Please? I don't want to come in to work one day and find out something happened to you."

  Heather sighed, trying not to vividly imagine how an exiled yautja might retaliate to that.

  "N- no, I think that would just make things worse, Yagon," Heather tried not to whimper.

  Yagon finished folding his smock and hat into his bag and left, but not before offering twice more to file that report.

  A few hours passed and Heather caught herself singing a handful of times as she fell into her work routine but always stopped when she remembered who was listening. It felt awful, being observed so closely and denied the personal freedom do anything without fear of having it recorded for some stranger's entertainment.

  Again, she thought about confronting the yautja watcher, but couldn't help the violent catastrophes imagined with the idea.

  She felt like she couldn't make a noise or do a thing for herself to make this crappy job the least bit bearable without putting on some bizarre show for Captain Cranium Crusher out there! Heather's frustration built and built until she couldn't take it anymore.

  The walk-in cooler. It was sound proof, right? The moment she finished the lunch-rush line of customers holding out their trays for their greasy food, Heather tore off her gloves, tossed them in the general direction of the trash chute and turned on her heel to stomp her way to that cooler door.

  Heather glanced over the counter to confirm the Skull Collecting Jerk was still out there haunting the seating area. There he was, arms crossed against his chiseled chest, ass planted on a chair that could barely hold his weight with his big ugly sandled feet propped up on one of the tables. Bastard.

  She pulled open the thick insulated door and slammed it behind her. First she simply bellowed angrily, stomped her foot, slapped a bag of single serve condiments as hard as she could manage, doing anything to break the severe edge from her frustration.

  "UGH! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" She tore off her work smock and threw her hat on the floor to stomp on it, "I'M JUST A SHORT, ROUND, NOBODY WHO SHOVELS SLOP ONTO PLATES SIX HOURS A DAY. I'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN IN A REAL FIGHT! I'M NOTHING! WHY ARE YOU WATCHING ME? WHAT THE FUCK COULD BE SO INTERESTING ABOUT ME?! STOP WATCHING ME, YOU ASSHOLE!"

  Then, spitefully, she sang her favorite song, watching the misty puffs of her breath dissipate as her heart pounded.

  Now, she felt cold and her throat hurt from belting out her very favorite lyrics so harshly. It wasn't fair, she shouldn't have to be reminded of that night every afternoon on her shift. It sucked, and somehow she felt guilty for being angry even though none of this was her fault and she knew she had every right to be angry. So Heather curled up and cried in the cooler for a half-hour at the helplessness she felt. It felt gross, and she knew by now there had to be a never-ending line of pissed off customers outside. She was afraid of confrontation and couldn't ever imagine herself actually standing up to anyone. She could already tell that she'd be crying in her apartment after work too. Whob wouldn't after the verbal abuse she'd no doubt suffer at the service counter from customers tired of waiting.

  Miserably, Heather stood and steeled her resolve to go back out there. With a deep, shaky breath, put her smock back on and fixed her hat.

  "I'll get through it because I'm good at getting through it," she told herself to make it easier to reach for that door.

  Chur-clunk. Chur-clunk. It was jammed. Oh no the cooler door was stuck. Heather put her weight into her next push, then her entire being into the push after that.

  "Oh GODS I'm going to freeze to death!" she wailed, pushing at the door again with everything she had.

  Frustration, anger, helplessness, now panic. She didn't want to die alone of hypothermia at work.

  There was a bang and a great dent had appeared in the thick door. Before she could figure what was happening, the door was torn completely from the reinforced hinges. Heather shrieked and fell squarely on her bottom.

  There he was again, who else would it be coming to her rescue and staring coldly down at her through the dead lenses of that helmet.

  In one swift motion he lifted his left arm and clicked away at the keys of his gauntlet computer with those claws. The hologram display showed Heather a collection of files marked with icons she recognized. They were just cropped, slightly fuzzy pictures of her name tag for work. With a few more taps of his claw, all of the icons dissolved. He deleted them. He'd deleted all of his recordings which pertained to her.

  "Oh, shit, you heard all of that," Heather whimpered, clutching her head with both hands in mortification. He must have heard what Yagon said earlier too.

  He said nothing, made no noise. He just stood there like an imposing statue for a few tense seconds before turning to stride away.

  She wasn't fired for the broken door and spoiled food. Before she could even collect herself from the floor in the cooler, her boss was wired a credit transfer for "damages".

  Later as she heard of his generosity, it also explained the mysterious funds appearing in her account after the hip procedure. That had been Him too.

  Her "admirer" didn't come back after that, which was a relief for the first week or two. After a while she found herself over thinking the whole thing. Yautja were notorious for being socially incomprehensible. Heather wondered if he just pitied her so much after one of his own kind damn-near destroyed her that he felt responsible for her continued safety. Or, maybe he was just a stalking sleeze-ball. She tended to flounder between the two conclusions, but one thing was certain, he was respecting her boundaries now and she appreciated that.

  After nearly a month, she decided that the best closure she'd get was accepting that the entire ordeal was some bizarre misunderstanding, totally on his part, and he did a few nice things but that didn't make up for the weeks and weeks of discomfort he'd inflicted.

  More time passed, Heather became more comfortable with her new job, and she very nearly forgot about that Yautja. The only time she remembered him were on cold days when her hip would ache, but it was pleasantly warm out on the afternoon she came in for her shift and found Yagon agitated with his antennae twitching so fast one might expect them to fly off his head. Heather looked around, hoping that the cleaning she couldn't finish the night before hadn't upset him. What she found was... Unusual, and she certainly hadn't left the thing there last night.

  It was a skull, from what she wasn't sure, sitting there on the counter by the check out scanner.

  "The Creep is back. This time he left a name with that." Yagon's translator couldn't read the inflections in his speech, but Heather could tell where the translator omitted expletives.

  "W-hat was it? His name?"

  "Stone Fist was the direct translation. I can't get the translator to say the correct pronunciation in his language and he made a scene about it until I threatened to call security. You know what that thing means, don't you?"

  Heather nodded, she knew what it meant. Everyone did. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the empty sockets of the skull. It was as if it were staring through her being.

  "I can still file that report, Heather," Yagon offered again.

  "Don't, I mean... As long as I don't take it, then nothing happens. Right?"

  "As far as I'm aware? I think that's how it works."

  If Heather didn't touch it, he wouldn't come back. If she took it home, he'd follow her home because accepting an offering like that was an act of giving permission to pursue courtship.

  Working with that lifeless skull watching her was eerie to say the least. She covered it with her hat midway through her shift so she didn't have to look at it. At the end of her shift as she fiddled with the patterned key to lock up before she left, she considered the skull one last time. No, She wasn't taking it, but she'd leave a note. Two notes actually, one to ask Stone Fist if he would consider an actual conversation before anything else, and a second note to apologize to Yagon for asking him to speak with Stone Fist again.

To Be Continued?

[lochrannn]

AU_gust: I found something in the woods somewhere

Read on AO3

prompt no 28: Werewolf

Relationship: Lila Pitts/Diego Hargreeves

Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts

-

Diego didn’t spend a lot of time out and about during the day. But he’d been staying in this town for almost a week now, had gone out every single night, driving into the woods, hiking through them for hours on end and looking for tracks and clues, but so far he had come up with absolutely fuckng nothing.

So, tired but also very frustrated and bored, he ventured out into the town’s small center.

Restless, he walked into the small coffee shop to get something to keep him awake and to have something to do.

He’d just placed his order when a voice behind him said jovially, but with a bit of an edge, “Any luck yet, wolf man?”

Diego turned around to see standing behind him the young woman who seemed to run the flower shop across the street, who he’d noticed the few times he’d come here to get a coffee, wearing a green apron with sheers in the front pocket and a very calculating expression.

“Wouldn’t still be here if I had.” He tried not to sound too annoyed, but he was getting the feeling that she was trying to antagonize him a little.

“Mmmhh, must be tough,” she answered and then looked past him at the barista, “Hey Hazel, I’ll pay for whatever our poor luckless hunter is getting and the usual for me to go, please!”

“You don’t have to…” Diego began a bit irritably now but was interrupted by the florist patting his shoulder and even though she was clearly fucking with him and he usually wasn’t this easily played, there was something about the sharp grin and just general attractiveness of her face that had him distracted just for a second.

“No no! That’s ok, big guy, you are protecting our community from the big bad wolf after all, the least I can do is show our gratitude!”

Diego did not appreciate the way her words were dripping with sarcasm and he really wasn’t sure why, he was very used to people not liking having him around as he usually showed up when there was fear and anger in a community, people often didn’t respond well to him, it never bothered him much.

But before he could respond with any kind of retort, the florist breezed past him and took the paper cup that was handed to her by the barista, who had apparently decided to serve her first, handed over a couple of bills, and then she passed him to leave with a sarcastic salute.

When Diego left the café with his own drink, holding the steaming cup between his hands to keep them warm, he looked up at the sign over the flower shop. Lila’s.

He was turning to head back towards his car, still irritated at himself for letting this Lila woman’s attitude bother him so much, when he spotted an old fashioned milk truck slowly driving down the main street.

Fuck!

He’d taken too long and now someone had called the Swedish triplets.

Diego didn’t have a bleeding heart. When a town hired him to deal with their werewolf problem, he would efficiently hunt the creature down, capture it and hand it over to the authorities if he could, kill it if he had to protect himself, but he didn’t take any perverse pleasure in it. It was his job and he was good at it and he liked that it gave him the opportunity to protect innocent civilians.

But the werewolves themselves were either wild animals, who deserved to be treated humanely, or the older ones may have been conscious of their actions while transformed, there was no real scientific consensus on that, and then they should face whatever justice could be meted out to them, but not simply be murdered by some hunters.

And the Swedish triplets were the kind of hunters who really enjoyed the kill.

He’d better find the wolf he was hired to deal with before they did.

-

Diego wasn’t that lucky.

Crouched down in the underbrush in the middle of the night he watched, horrified, as the werewolf was confronted by the Swedes and the biggest one shot at it.

He could see a spray of blood erupt from the side of its head and it staggered and then somehow managed to bolt. But he knew it wouldn’t be able to escape the Swedes for long.

It was a relatively small wolf, either a pup or a female. Diego wasn’t old fashioned but still it really didn’t sit right with him that the Swedes were just hunting it down for sport.

Out of concern for his own safety he should have taken his indignance and wounded sense of justice and get himself out of the thick forest, but instead, he started hurriedly circling around the Swedes who were not moving from their spot, talking to each other in their native language, possibly strategizing, and took off in the direction the small werewolf had run off to.

It didn’t take him long to spot the first smatterings of blood on the leaves of saplings and low-hanging branches.

And then he almost stumbled over her.

The florist, Lila, he corrected himself, was lying naked and shivering in the cold dirt, curled in on herself and clearly unconscious.

He could see blood in her hair and while he crouched down next to her and gently brushed the hair out of her face to assess how badly she was hit, a tiny part in the back of his brain thought that at least now he understood why she’d been so hostile towards him.

The wound was luckily shallow and not life-threatening but it still represented a blow to the head and Diego hoped it was shock and not brain trauma that had caused her to lose consciousness.

Although, he was suddenly reminded, the shivering could also be from the cold. No longer covered in fur, there was nothing protecting her from the elements.

Diego shrugged out of his thick coat and bundled her into it, pulling her close against his body.

Ok, that might have been because the second he was out of his coat he was also freezing. And he definitely didn’t feel a tug somewhere in his chest when her head fell against his shoulder and her shallow breathing started to tickle his neck.

He tried to pull his concentration away from her weight and warmth in his arms and instead come up with a plan of what to do next.

When he had spotted her lying in the dirt, something instantly shifted in his conscience and he knew with full certainty that he could neither let the Swedes get to her, nor did it feel right to hand her over to the authorities while she was this vulnerable.

He decided that either way the first step was to get her to his car and he was just about to lift her up, when he heard the rustling sound of a small group of people walking through the forest.

He ducked back and against a large tree trunk, doing his best to cover Lila with his own body, hoping that his dark clothing would keep them hidden if the Swedes got too close.

And then she stirred.

“Nnngghhh, what the…MMMMPPPPF!” she grumbled quietly but Diego couldn’t risk them being heard, so he pressed his palm over her mouth and watched her eyes widen in alarm as he tried to trap her limbs between the tree trunk and himself.

“Sssssshhhh!” he shushed her as quietly as possible and for a moment he thought she understood his nonverbal message, but then he felt a sharp sting in his palm and realized that she was biting him hard.

He pulled his hand away and suppressed a yell and instead hissed at her, “Jesus fuck! I’m trying to protect you!”

Whether it was that or the unmistakable sound of the Swedes creeping along, way too close to them for comfort, Diego wasn’t sur,e but either way, it shut her right up.

They stared at each other trying to communicate silently, but not really getting across any other meaning than that they were in this together, when Lila started shivering violently again and she grabbed the edges of his coat to try and close any gap in the material.

Remembering that it was the only thing protecting her from the cold, Diego wrapped his arms more tightly around her and Lila pressed into him, trying to get any warmth off of him that she could.

When there hadn’t been any other sign of the Swedes for a good five minutes, they readjusted and Diego lifted Lila up onto his back, supporting her with his arms under her thighs, trying hard not to think about the fact that she was literally butt naked against him, his coat only covering so much, and she wrapped her arms securely around his neck before they set off.

Once they got to the car, Diego bundled Lila into the passenger seat, found his emergency change of clothes, an oversized sweatshirt and a baggy pair of sweatpants, and handed them to her as he got into the car.

He was glad to concentrate on maneuvering out of the thicket of trees without his headlights on, so they were not signalling their location too clearly, and was barely distracted by Lila wriggling into his clothes and then wrapping his coat around herself again, clearly frozen to the bone, before fiddling with his heater to try and warm up the inside of his car.

Once she was dressed, he gave her a once over out of the corner of his eye, noted once more that she still had a bleeding head wound and was contemplating what to do about that when she finally spoke.

“Are you going to take me to the police?” she asked, tone neutral.

“No.” Diego answered with certainty. He didn’t really know why, but he knew that he just couldn’t do that.

“Where are we going then?” There was a mixture of unease and irritation in her voice now.

“I don’t know,” he breathed out, trying to convey that he felt about as lost as she seemed to be.

There was quiet in the car for a couple of moments and Lila turned to look ahead at the actual road they’d now reached and Diego had finally turned on the headlights.

“Thanks!” she said softly.

[balkanradfem]

okay so the most garden ladies are nice but there's two women who just hate me because I'm a disobedient little goblin and I am kinda enjoying it bc it's nice to be hated without any real potential for harm.

The lady gardening right next to me, she has some very fixed ides about how things should be done and is sure that she Knows BestTM and gives me directions about how I HAVE TO garden, or else it will all fail for me, according to her. I come in that garden filled with ideas I found on youtube and online articles and literally do nothing the "right way".

Recently she's been criticizing my every move, apparently my idea to plant potatoes far apart to save them from bugs will actually cause my tomatoes to get eaten by potato bug, my soil is just "not good enough" and I'm doing it wrong by mulching so much (I'm the only one who mulches), I'm never throwing slugs away far enough (I walk like half a mile before throwing them in the wilderness but she wants me to kill them instead and I don't kill animals), and I'm wrong for making my own choices abt where to plant things.

We had a conversation about "no dig garden" a while ago and she heard about it and thought it was stupid and impossible. I shrugged and kept piling up composted leaves, straw, hay and mulch on my garden, until the first few level of topsoil was just compost I didn't need to dig thru it to plant anymore. She noticed and I think it rubbed her very wrong I just barged in there with zero experience, achieved good soil out of dense clay and don't even have to dig anymore, while doing the exact opposite of what she's been telling me to do. So she's trying to prove to me that it "actually sucks" because "there's still clay underneath" but every single plant has been doing well, I barely have any weeds to pull out and my top soil doesn't get damaged by sun, wind or any bad weather, actually it's insulated by straw so temperature changes wont affect roots.

She was also one of the people to tell me I "can't grow broccoli myself, I have to buy transplants" and said it over and over and then I grew them myself and they were big and fed me for months. My ego has been feeling very good about it. I think maybe hers isn't doing so well, but you know?? If your pride depends on a rando not doing as you say and succeeding... you gotta deal with that lmao. Kudos for sticking to tradition but I'm gonna use every new discovery about gardening to succeed and will ignore all of "advice" that is just a poorly disguised attempt to scare me into thinking I'm doing things wrong by refusing to obey. Had enough of that from abusive parents.

Another lady who hates me is an elderly lady with a weird vibe, literally tried to order me around the second she met me, and I was to assume it was "for my own good". My disobedient ass would die out of spite before being ordered around for anyone's good. I was sitting down in the grass as it's one of my happiness activities and she got behind me and went "Get up." And I play into assuming she means well and explain, No, this cannot harm me, I am perfectly content, did this all my life, wont get sick. And she wont accept it. She told me to get up 5 times, very aggressively, before I finally went "You're going to have to bring in 20 people to carry me. Nobody can force me." And the fact I had to go that far to get her off my case alarms me. What kind of self-justified do you have to be to insist on controlling a person you just met! She wouldn't even look at me after that. I am also enjoying that bc I managed to repel that particular bad vibe away from myself. I heard her ask crazy invasive questions to other ladies and they answer! What a crazy thing to do.

I still have to say, their conversation methods are far advanced to what m*n have been saying, apparently if they're walking by me working they expect a conversation and this is their starters: "Is it growing? What is that? Are you gardening? What are you doing? Is that doing well?" And I'm literally.. like what.. do you want me to say??? The plant is RIGHT THERE YOU CAN SEE ITS DOING WELL. IT IS OBVIOUSLY GROWING. ITS A FCKING SUNFLOWER. I AM OBVIOUSLY GARDENING. It's lower than toddler level communication. They will just throw the "blarafgbdsdfg tell me things like I'm a baby" and expect me to play along. THESE ARE ALL OLD CREEPS. And I just refuse to look at them until they go away. One of them dared to go "hey babe" at me and got the "we will not talk further" and withdrew.

I can't differentiate between them bc they all say equally idiotic shit so I have no clue how many are there. Some of them stare from a distance and I ignore them, then come closer and ask me shit, like I was just pulling up grass today and a creepy guy was like "are you pulling up grass?" like oh my god, I'm supposed to deal with that???? I'm supposed to act like this is a thing a person older than 2 can say to me??? and if I say "no, I'm cleaning the chimney" they think I'm making a joke and not telling them they're being stupid! god... it feels like being predated on every single time, thats the only reason why they don't feel like fucking idiots and don't care just how horrible they are at socialization or how much they're embarrassing themselves and obviously annoying me by saying stupid shit at me, it's only because they're never trying to start up a conversation, they're just there to force a prey to react to them, I'm the amusement, the fact that I have to listen to most idiotic shit said on earth is the amusement. I need the goddess of soil to open up the earth and swallow them whole every time they feel like opening their disgusting mouths in my direction.

I know I went against everyone in this post but listen, these two ladies, we hate each others as equals, there is no predator-prey stuff going around, there is no "me being afraid to retaliate" when they're telling me stuff I don't want to be hearing, I never  worry they'll trample my plants, I never have to be self-conscious of what I'm doing when they're watching me, I never once felt any danger or chance of violence while talking to them. I don't dislike their hatred because I'm still human in their eyes, and I can repel their entitlement with a bit of harsh words. For m*n tho? Nothing will ever repel their entitlement. Nothing will make them go after ther own business. Nothing they ever said to me regarded me as an equal or a human being. I was approached as a toy and nothing more. And even though all I want is for them to turn around, leave, and never look at me again, it's not safe to ask for it, nor would I get that. In fact, them knowing just how badly I want to be left alone will make it more amusing to invade in my presence, to rid me of pleasure of gardening in peace. It's not safe to do anything but pretend to be a boring rock they can't get any amusement from, and wait for them to leave. That's what you have to do when a goddamn bear attacks you. I hate it so much. I need to be growing my food in a space with no human predators. Mean ladies still invited. I will not listen to them tho.

[hesesols]

Into the WILD

Day 16 of Ichiruki month 2020

Trapped inside fantasy MMORPG. Send help please?

Rating: T

FF/ao3

.

The first thing that strikes him as odd is that the ground underneath him is dewy soft. Not that the carpet in his tiny student accommodation isn't soft. It just isn't as soft by comparison and doesn't smell so strongly of grass and urgh- he hates pollen with a vengeance.

It makes his nose itch like mad and –

Wait!

Last time he checked summer was already over and the northern hemisphere was entering early autumn.

.

Brown eyes open in alarm.

The sun is in his eyes as he sits up and he's lying in a sea of golden tulips and ruby red camellias, blades of grass and crushed flowers under his fingertips.

He isn't alone.

There are others next to him. Each one garbed in unusual medieval clothing- intimidating-looking armours with spikes and brightly-coloured capes, fur-trimmings and equally garish-looking armbands; brandishing weapons that range from claymores to wooden staffs. Everyone seems to be in more or less the same state of disbelief and wide-eyed amazement at their new surroundings.

Where are they?

And holy shit! Is that a real-life armoured bear?

.

"You look like you could use a hand there, Kurosaki."

"Ishida?"

Ishida or at least who he assumes to be Ishida- his annoying cousin of sorts and fellow guild member- stands in front of him, offering an outstretched hand. Ichigo recognizes the voice but those pointy ears, the gleaming ivory bow that stands at a grown man's height and strange cleric-like clothing- those are definitely new. He grabs hold of it and pulls himself up, wiping at the grass stains with a fierce scowl before turning to the strange elf-like creature.

"What are you wearing?

Uryuu snorts, "I could ask you the very same question, Kurosaki."

Ichigo glances at the midnight black armour he has on- light weight, extra resistance to magic and +25% endurance to all physical attacks- wait, where did that come from?- the reassuring weight of Zangetsu in his hands-

He blinks.

.

Name: Zangetsu. Also known as: Sword of the Moon, Cursed Fang. Status: Legendary. Raid item from the Sacking of the Gollum King's Palace at Hueco Mundo. The mythical black blade forged by the Grandmaster Yhwach over the Fires of Sokyouku for a full year and a half in preparation for the Conquest of the Soul King's Throne (see also Conquest of the Soul King's Throne). Grants the wielder—

.

Reeling from the surprise, he falls flat on the grass.

How the hell did that just happen? How did all those words and background information just pop into his head unprompted? Almost like they're in a fantasy RPG gam—

"What's going on?"

Uryuu's smile is grim and sardonic, sliding the half-moon glasses up the bridge of his nose before he tells him, "Don't freak out but I think we're inside the game."

.

.

.

"Anything?"

Uryuu shakes his head.

Ichigo sighs. The lines of communication are down and no one has been able to log back out into the real world since they first entered.

"This doesn't make any sense at all!"

10,000 WILD players across the world and different servers who were online and active at precisely 12 midnight that day somehow found themselves transported into the game world and trapped there as their game character persona.

They're calling it the Lockdown.

No one has a clue as to why they were the only people affected, nor do they know how they came to. One minute they were logged in, playing the game as usual; the next thing they know they're lying flat on their asses in this strange new world strongly reminiscent of the game world of WILD, as their respective game characters.

He's one of the lucky ones he thinks. As a human Swords Master, there isn't much alteration to him besides the clothes and the muscle bulk added to his physique, unlike Chad who woke up as a bear armed to the teeth with a war axe and metal gauntlets. It wouldn't have been a pleasant wake up call for anyone, much less someone who wakes up trapped inside a fantasy MMORPG.

"What about Keigo then? Have you managed to locate him yet?"

Uryuu's eyebrow twitches. The pale blue glow from his hand falters for a fraction of a second when his attention shifts to shoot his guild leader a nasty glare.

Ichigo growls before mumbling out an apology to the raven-haired Cleric. He knows of course that Uryuu is trying his best and really in a strange new world that seems equal parts deadly and fascinating, the best is all they can do.

He's just … frustrated over the lack of answers and to make matters worse, one of their own still remains unaccounted for. Out of all the guild members who decided to switch servers during the Lockdown, it just had to be Keigo- scatterbrain extraordinaire. He wouldn't trust Keigo not to get sold on some crazy-ass get-rich-quick scheme in the real world, let alone in this virtual reality full of bloodthirsty monsters just waiting to make a nice dinner out of unsuspecting players.

The double doors to his studies are suddenly pushed apart, jolting him out of his thoughts. Orihime stumbles in barefooted and narrowly avoids tripping over the trail of her druidic dress robes in her excitement. Her cheeks are flushed and the pretty flowers in her flower crown bloom and blossom in magnificent shades of pinks and violets as she makes her announcement.

"Kurosaki-kun! I have his location!"

Ichigo jumps to his feet.

.

Finally!

.

It's the first piece of good news he's had since he found himself stranded here with the rest of his guild members.

"So where is the idiot then?"

Behind her, trails Tatsuki- their resident cynic and Shield Maiden who purses her lips and informs both him and Uryuu rather miserably, "You're not going to like this. He's in the Forest."

Ichigo resists the urge to face-palm as he sees Uryuu rubbing at his temple.

"Keigo must have been on his way back to HQ and decided to take the shorter route," Uryuu rationalizes things- as the team tactician he excels at it, "he couldn't possibly have known."

That's right. Keigo couldn't possibly have known that he would get sucked into the game and be left standing in place of his game character.

Tatsuki gives a derisive snort, "Doesn't make a difference. A level 25 Bard like him can't possibly survive the Forest of Hueco Mundo alone. He's going to get himself killed. The Forest is no man's land- level 70+ Hollows and player killers aren't warded out."

All eyes turn to their orange-haired team leader.

"What do you want us to do?"

Call it instincts but Ichigo has a nasty suspicion that player death in their new world would also mean certain death in the real world. The thought makes him nauseous and for obvious reasons, he isn't too keen on testing out the theory himself.

Keigo may be a pain-in-the-neck and downright insufferable at times but damn it! He's one of them. He's their pain-in-the-neck and they can't just leave him there.

In the real world, Ichigo Kurosaki may be just an ordinary university student bogged down by studies but here in WILD, he's a guild leader, it's his job to look after his guild members and he pledges to make sure that every single one of them makes it back home to the real world in one piece.

Ichigo heaves a loud weary sigh, grabbing the sleek black katana by his side.

"Let's go get our idiot back!"

.

.

.

"I told you we should have gone left instead of right!"

Tatsuki can feel her skull throbbing. She should have just stayed behind with Chad and Orihime.

"Stop yelling at me! It's not my bloody fault that you're so fucking incompetent that you couldn't get a better map!"

"Oh so I'm the incompetent one?! Never mind I was the one who organized the rations! We would have starved to death days ago if I hadn't triple checked our provisions!"

Tatsuki grimaces as the feel of exhaustion creeps in as does the unbearable chaffing on her thighs. It wasn't just the lines of communications that were shut off with the Lockdown. It turns out the Portals- their main means of transport have also been disrupted and that means that the full distance between Karakura and the Forest had to be covered by good old-fashioned horse-riding.

They've been riding nonstop since they left Karakura, trading horses with NPCs in the farmlands nearby to push ahead at a gruelling pace and rescue Keigo as soon as possible. It is a noble cause but the trade-off for the weeks' long worth of hard-riding leaves the three riders surly and sullen. This virtual reality that they're trapped in certainly feels real enough, right down to hunger pangs and sore muscles.

Chaffed thighs, bland food, little sleep and the heat (the sheer humidity was making her hair frizz) made for horrible traveling condition and it seems that both Ichigo and Uryuu are about to hit their respective boiling points.

She rolls her eyes, tugging at her horse's rein to halt.

"Both of you need to shut up before –"

A sudden rustling in the bushes nearby draws their collective attention and sure enough from the depth of the overgrown bushes, a Hollow emerges. This one seems more reptilian in features, flickering pink tongue and all. Something jumps at the back of her mind but Tatsuki ignores it.

The Guide is nothing more than a useless collection of WILD lore and trivia.

She doesn't need a lecture on Hollow classes and their special attacks to know that the only good Hollow is a dead one.

With a loud battle war cry, she unsheathes her blade and leads the charge, throwing herself against the beast.

.

.

Ichigo leaps through the dense foliage with Zangetsu drawn and bloodied in his hand. Despite Tatsuki's misgivings about his foolhardy plans and recklessness, the woman is just as bad with her own brand of battle lust, leading the charge like a crazy berserker.

All hell literally broke loose the second they stormed through the clearing. The sheer number of the Hollow horde overwhelmed them and forced them to break formation and the three of them took off in different directions in a bid to divide the remaining Hollows' attention.

He ducks behind a tree to catch his breath. Having lost sight of both Uryuu and Tatsuki during their retreat, he is in a sour mood and more than a little embarrassed that a level 98 Swordsmaster like him is being forced back by a horde of weakling Hollows in level 50s.

"Psst. Ichigo."

Ichigo grips Zangetsu tightly, eyes nervously darting at his surroundings. He could have sworn that he heard Keigo's voice. Well it's either that or he's officially losing his mind.

"Over here."

A head pops out from the bushes next to him and Ichigo reacts accordingly- nearly slicing the newcomer's head clean off his shoulder and Keigo almost becomes a casualty of friendly fire before Ichigo sees through the heavy layer of disguise and stops the blade mid-swing.

"Keigo?"

The bard is barely recognizable with his slashed and dirtied tunic, patches of dirt and dried leaves covering his face.

"The fuck you doing- sneaking up on me like that! I could have killed you!"

Keigo couldn't have cared less. With a loud wail and snot running down his face, he throws himself at his saviour and professes his undying gratitude in between hiccups and tears.

"ICHIGO! I knew you would come for me! I never doubted for a second!"

"Get off me! You stink!"

The happy reunion doesn't last as the roar of a Hollow and heavy footsteps of a lumbering giant still their movements. Ichigo pushes Keigo away from him and readies his blade, but even his quick reflexes are no match for the suddenness of the attack.

"ICHIGO!"

The Hollow's swipe knocks the air right out of him and sends him flying. The tree trunk of a young sapling snaps in half as his back connects painfully with it. The pain disorients him and he is enough of a doctor's son to recognize the signs of concussion. Also, he thinks he might have cracked a rib (or two) as fresh blood- metallic in taste gurgles past his throat.

His vision clears in time for him to see the Hollow- a Dragon class one with beady yellow, thick, iridescent scales covering its front and gigantic wings sprouted at his back, rearing up for another charge.

This time at Keigo, who is down on his knees- eyes wide with fear as he scrambles to get away from the advancing Hollow.

There's no time to think. Ichigo pushes everything he has- the very last spurt of HP and MP within him towards Keigo, taking his place before the monster with gapping mouth, awaiting certain death to come.

.

.

"Out of the way!"

His eyes snap open just in time to see a small lithe figure, sunlight reflecting off the bone white armour- so bright that he squints, leaping through air and landing gracefully on the Hollow's back. A glint of light flashes yet again and before his very eyes, one of the Hollow's tattered wings is cut off, an arc of blood spurts high into the air and the Hollow's roar of anguish follows.

"Are you deaf or stupid? Get out of the way!"

Ichigo doesn't hesitate. With Keigo tucked under his arm, he pushes past the pain and sprints for the clearing.

With them gone, the mysterious stranger makes quick work of the beast, easily dismantling its other wing before diving for the kill; sinking the white blade somewhere between the soft scruff, flabs of excess skin free from the scaly armour.

Ichigo watches in silence as the dying monster screeches in pain, a swan's song in roars of fury before it topples over with dead eyes, a fine cloud of dust from where its body fell.

With the urgency of the situation gone, he focuses on the newcomer. Sheathing Zangetsu as it becomes apparent from the markings and sigil on the stranger's shield and helmet that he is a Paladin, one dedicated to the path of the light. They're in safe hands- for now at least.

"Where did you come from?"

The Paladin regards him oddly.

"What do you mean?"

.

"Princess!"

Half a dozen of swords are suddenly drawn and held under their throats by what seems to be a band of armed knights. Their armours gleam with the same bone-white shine and the leader of the men- a tall redhead with inked markings across his forehead approaches them with a fierce scowl and the intent to kill.

Next to him, Keigo yelps.

"The fuck!" Ichigo curses. His chest hurts, he's barely standing on his feet and now this?

Can this day get any worse?

.

"Watch your mouth, you punk!" The redhead growls threateningly, "You're in the presence of the Princess."

Amber eyes narrow. Did they think he's stupid? There's no one vaguely even female in their company unless—

The Paladin removes his helmet and a cascade of black hair- dark as the night pours forth. Apple cheeks, soft petal lips and elfin features curtailed somewhat by the iciness of her stare and her unsmiling face.

Their eyes meet.

.

Oh!

.

The short stature suddenly makes so much sense. Ichigo gulps.

"They're Heroes, Renji."

Renji scowls and gives them a dirty look.

Ichigo's eyebrows knot in confusion. "Hang on- what do you mean by Heroes and how are you a princess? Royalty isn't a job class and Paladins don't call themselves Princesses. I don't care what level you are, that's not allowed by the game admins."

The smile on the woman's face- Ichigo doesn't know what to make of it, but he thinks he's about to be made into a fool of epic proportions, especially when she pushes past her armed guards and tilts his face up by the chin with the tip of her white blade.

Smirking with dark violet eyes gleaming, she tells him, "That's because I'm not a Hero. Look closer."

Sure enough- when Ichigo focuses his gaze at her, her presence is shrouded in golden aura. The Guide pings- very belatedly and most unhelpfully, he might add.

.

Name: HRH Princess Rukia of the noble house of the Kuchiki, heir apparent to the throne of Seireitei. Status: NPC

.

He bites his tongue.

"B-But- but NPCs aren't sentient," Keigo blurts out.

Ichigo turns just in time to see him give out a pained yelp, being pummelled by the angry redhead, "Oh I'll show you how non-sentient my fists are!"

He winces. That looks like it would hurt… a lot. But Keigo's an idiot with thick skin, he'll live.

Rukia- her name rolls off his tongue easily. He refuses to even entertain the idea of addressing her by her royal title. For starters, a princess isn't supposed to be a Paladin, or know how to fight or use a sword, or look this good while having him at her mercy.

He gulps when violet eyes narrow at him.

"And you? Do you think that NPCs are non-sentient beings too?"

Ichigo is a fast learner and gives a quick shake of his head.

"Good-" her lips curve into a smile, hair dipping low to tease at the contours of his face as she whispers into his ear- "Because this NPC just saved your life. I'll show you just how deadly I am with my sword before you dismiss me as just another background token NPC."

The sword tip leaves his neck.

"Now, hold still."

That's all the warning he gets before a green glow is emitted from her hands- smelling faintly of mint and something fresh he can't quite name. He shuts his eyes, letting the healing magic wash over him, knitting most of his superficial cuts and wounds back into place.

When the light fades, his chest still hurts but at the very least he feels a little less light-headed and breathes a little easier despite the pain.

He wants to thank her- both for her healing and her timely rescue from the Hollow but she refuses to meet his eyes.

"Renji," she barks at her captain of guards who immediately stands to attention.

"Take them with us. He needs a proper healer. I can't set his broken ribs."

"It's Ichigo!" he calls out, interrupting their conversation and earning himself a hard glare from Renji but Rukia's gaze is almost thoughtful.

"Can you still ride, Ichigo?"

He nods.

A horse is brought to him under Rukia's instructions and as soon as he is properly mounted with Keigo seated behind him, the woman sounds the horn, black hair unbound and flailing in the wind as she leads the company into a gallop.

"To Seireitei!"

.

.

FF/ao3

Review, like, comment or reblog to send some love my way pretties~~~

I have a thing for fantasy AUs. Can’t you tell? Click on link for rec list of some off-main Isekai/Game animes. I have a special place in my heart for them.

[patheticwithanem]

2020 in Retrospect

Hey friend,

I know it’s late, but I HAVE TO DO THIS. I kind of promised myself I’m writing about the year that was. I’m not exactly sure why; maybe it’s to put things in perspective going in to 2021? And today’s my fourth year anniversary with my employer, so I guess it’s perfect timing? (More on that later)

So I was going through my notes (I have this habit of writing down what happens on a daily basis - be it activities, emotions, drama, name it) and one thing’s for sure. 2020 SUCKED. It did. But I’m committing to this no matter what!

First things first: lots of profanities along the way. Well actually, I was about halfway writing the letter when fucking Tumblr decided to refresh and delete what I’ve been writing for about one fucking hour now. So I have to fucking do it all over again. If this is the Lord telling me to stop being sentimental about 2020, fret not my Lord! I’m one stubborn son of a bitch, so I’m carrying on.

Here’s how the rest of the year unfolded. 2020. Let’s go.

JANUARY. Reunions?

January 1. Had a get-together with a few relatives in Malabon. It was fun! I used to be so allergic to family reunions but I guess age creeping in changes you? You value people even more now? This was also the last time we’re able to spend some time with my uncle from Singapore. He brought his family to spend the holidays here. He’s a sweetheart and a great father who’s missed.

January 9. I attended a college dormmate’s wedding. I remember contemplating whether to go or not only to realize I’m actually lucky to be even invited given the fact that I chose to be distant for them for a long while. I also told myself that not showing up is so far from what I’m trying to be. Although I wasn’t there for the whole thing, I’m glad I did come. I was able to bond with my roommates once again whom I treated like brothers ten years ago and that was nice. A not-so-close dormmate even introduced me to his boyfriend and that’s huuuuge. The bride was beautiful too, and I’m glad she’s in the best place right now after all she’s been through. She’s a strong one, that girl.

January 11. Got invited to a birthday pool party of a colleague at work. I have to say I’m actually quite surprised I was invited to this. She’s always had my back though and always kind of looked after me, so I had to go. It was fun but I didn’t get drunk AT ALL. 

January 12. AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. The Taal Volcano erupted. It was awful especially for everyone living near the area because everything was covered with ash. It was also a day before my brother’s birthday and we thought the ashfall would be worse the next day so we decided to celebrate earlier. 

January 19. Went to a fiesta. Did not expect to survive that at all. It was a different kind of neighborhood, but the people were nice. 

January 25. Went to a public market with co-workers to buy clothes, eat chicken wings for dinner and then our regular fix of karaoke. Good times. 

Anything else? I was able to book a birthday trip to Yogyakarta, which I eventually canceled because of youknowwhat. Tragic.

February. Blindside!

February 7. Blindside’s a bitch. Yes, that’s what I had written on my notes. I legitimately felt blindsided. So story: I have a friend who I found out was pregnant (let’s call her Ms. Preggy, sorry) and me and her bestfriend (let’s call him Work Son because he was my work son in a lot of ways) decided to hold an intervention for her. The four of us including a friend I’m going to call The-Now-Bestie (kind of a spoiler) whom I had a misunderstanding and was not in speaking terms with will be coming to Work Son’s place. Essentially, the goal was to make Ms. Preggy open up about her pregnancy and her issues with the douchebag father; make her feel that she has us and she doesn’t need to be alone in this. I think it went well, in that regard. However, the whole thing was awkward in epic proportions. It’s as if me and The-Now-Bestie didn’t want to acknowledge each other’s existence, and when we didn’t have a choice, we were sarcastic to each other. I also really felt like an outsider among the four that time; like I wasn’t supposed to be there and wasn’t really contributing to anything. It was a really lonely feeling. I decided to distance myself to them after that.

February 13. WINNERS AT WAR PREMIERE! Words can’t even express how excited I was to see some of my heroes again on screen! Parvati with that “phoenix rising from the ashes” confessional? Damn, girl! Still a fucking legend! It was also nostalgic Yul working his godfather magic once again. I’ve always seen him as a top-tier winner and someone I looked up to for what he represented to the Asian community and the history of Survivor. It was also nice seeing Kim, Tyson, Tony, Sophie, Natalie and Sandra. But I must say I kind of missed Todd. He was my favorite winner and was a great storyteller, a great strategist and a great character with an amazing comeback story. He would’ve been perfect for a season with this caliber of players. And as much as I hate Jeff Probst for shoving him down our throats, I wanted to see Cochran play with these winners! Caramoan’s my first season (a late superfan, yes) and he’s the very reason I got so hooked with the show. I used to think it’s a game where people like me never win. So to see someone like Cochran who’s awkward in every sense of the word (and owning it) win Survivor, it is very inspiring. I like speaking in metaphors and it’s funny how much metaphorical Survivor can be to how I see life now. I see Cochran and if he can win in Survivor, I feel like I can win in life, as silly as that sounds. Cochran sucked his first season, but he then went on to play this dominant game his second try while still managing to be the adorkable underdog that he is. I love that story. Man, I get so worked up when I talk about Survivor! I wish I had that same passion with anything else.

February 19. Mom slipped and had to be rushed to the nearest ER. Good thing there were no fractures and she was fine. I guess we can thank the fats for that? LOL

February 21 ‘til 23. WEEKEND STAYCATION! I needed this! Drinking at the hotel taproom with a live band? YES! Indian for lunch and surf-and-turf buffet for dinner? YES YES YES! That lamb chops, MY LORD. Thank you.

February 29. Leap Day. I started journaling again. 

March. FUCKING COVID.

March 16. The Start of the Lockdown we all come to love now (punk, sarcasm). 

March 17. Politics is so taboo to discuss especially over dinner. But then BAM. I had a major fight with my dad (and by major, I mean MAJOR in a get-out-of-the-house-in-the-middle-of-the-pandemic kind of major). It was basically about a comment he made that’s so misogynistic (towards the Vice President) that I just knew I can’t just let go. It was sooo bad I got all pissed, and when I’m pissed, I can get scary. Maybe it’s the voice or the eyes or both, but the fight got really heated on the verge of getting physical. Which now that I think about it is stupid just because of fucking different political views. Well, I can never get behind the President and they’re huge fans of him and I’ve come to terms with that but it’s just... bleh. I’m not even gonna try to rationalize it because I can’t. It’s just.. disgusting. Oh fucking well. 

April. Wander-fucking-lust.

April 1. I started a 30-day Financial Detox which basically meant no unnecessary expenses. No online shopping, no paying for leisure. None. It was April Fools, but I was dead-set on saving! (Spoiler alert: I failed.)

April 6. Meltdown. I just really couldn’t hold it in anymore.

April 11. Dad’s birthday. After not talking for over a month (which is no easy feat in a tiny condominium unit), we acknowledged each other’s presence. By April 15, it’s like nothing happened anymore. He even gave me a home haircut (which for a beginner, is pretty good). On other news, I started watching The Politician on Netflix and t’was the day I started obsessing on Ben Platt and his music. 

April 16. A year ago, I was enjoying sidewalk pho and almost making friends at Cu Chi Tunnels and the Saigon Skydeck of the Bitexco Financial Tower in Ho Chi Minh. Damn, covid.

April 18. That crazy border-crossing from Saigon to Phnom Penh a year ago. That was fulfilling. Damn, covid.

April 19. A year ago, I was experiencing sunrise at Angkor Wat. Wander-fucking-lust UGH. 

April 30. That Town Hall shoutout from our company’s President because of reaching my quota from last month. That really felt good. As much as I hate to admit it, I like being validated from time to time. It definitely meant a lot especially coming from her who took a chance on me. I was patting my back.

MAY. Endure. Let Go. 

May 14. KING TONY WON. Very well-deserved win. A disappointment of a season if you ask me, but props to the king for dominating an all-winners season. Respect for that. Also Natalie and Michele played great games as well and they should be very proud of themselves. I feel like a proud father to these winners HAHAHA!

May 16. Was pleasantly surprised with Dead to Me. That car scene between Jen and Judy on that ninth episode from the second season? Damn. That’s one of the few moments I teared up because of a TV show. That was powerful. All that tension building up and then that sudden release? I really felt that.

May 26. Why do I always feel all this fucking rage inside of me? I try to think of any triggers but I can’t seem to find one that’s actually reasonable. It’s like the isolation getting the best of me. I initially thought quarantine’s going to be a cakewalk for an introvert like myself, but it wasn’t the case. I feel like I’m losing my shit because I was stripped off of the usual things I have access to whenever I feel uneasy and anxious and angry like this. Endure, let go, I know. But it’s so much easier said than done, right?

JUNE. Breathe.

June 12. So the plan to sell the condo and find a new place is real. We went to this great place in Valenzuela and it was a great house and all but I felt weird. Maybe I was having trouble letting go? Maybe it’s just me being averse to change yet again?

June 15. Slept 6am for that How To Get Away With Murder series finale. That speech. VIOLA. Chills all over my body. 

June 18. New phone was delivered. That was fast.

June 27. First time visiting the village we moved to. We were checking a different house this time and was already picturing us living there. Still felt weird, but maybe less.

Looking at it now, I realize almost nothing happened in this stretch of months. Pathetic.

JULY. Change (that’s not necessarily good lol)

July 3. The Anti-Terrorism Bill signed. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. 

July 10. Doomsday. The ABS-CBN renewal disapproved. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. Also, that first house we checked was bought this day. First heartbreak.

July 22. Decided to donate to one of my elementary teachers to help finance school supplies for his students in the province. That felt good. 

July 24. folklore’s goooood. This is the Taylor Swift sound that I love. (I had to write that down because that was a 2020 highlight to be honest)

AUGUST. Getting older. Again.

August 2. Donated to another cause: to help a really close friend’s mom (who’s a school principal) on financing their students’ lesson modules (they needed more paper so the donation was going to be used to buy more paper). That felt good.

August 3. Started obsessing on Dear Evan Hansen. I mean come on. HOW COME I ONLY KNEW OF THIS NOW?!?! The story, the acting, the soundtrack... it felt like I asked the Lord for a musical for me and he gave this on a silver platter. 

August 9. Lasagna, baked sushi, lechon belly, pansit, cake. Weird combination, I know, but that’s me!

August 11. Discovered the Slowly app. Changed my life since then! I’m not even exaggerating. I guess it has to do with feeling extremely lonely amid the pandemic and getting this platform where you can talk to literally anyone while still keeping your anonymity. And it strips you off of instant gratification you’re so used to because you actually have to wait for your letters to be sent and to arrive. A great exercise for patience if you ask me! And since you have to wait, you make your letters longer and more worthwhile. It’s a platform free of judgment which relies heavily on building actual mental and emotional connections. It’s a gift, truly. NOT EXAGGERATING; YES I’M THAT LONELY.

August 23. The house search continued. This time, the South!

August 24. It was my first time watching a Korean drama and I gotta say I get the hype now. Korea makes great stories and they take their time when telling these stories. The story centering about mental health was definitely what got me to try watching It’s Okay to Not Be Okay, but the show’s so much more than that. That was a great watch.

SEPTEMBER. Finally some light?

September 1. Second year anniversary. I still really miss her.

September 5. My cat’s 5th birthday! Of course we had to celebrate for her with baked macaroni and burnt cheesecake. 

September 11. Lost uncle. He gave a good fight. 

September 19. SENSE8. It’s a show that doesn’t need any explaining. It’s the BEST. I love this cast SO MUCH. I remember thinking if I ever get a tattoo (which is unlikely), I’ll maybe have the title of that Sense8 series finale inked on me. AMOR VINCIT OMNIA. Love conquers all. 

September 27. After a series of unfortunate events, we were led to this house on the same village we keep going back to, and the moment we saw it, we were sold. This is going to be our house. And it happened.

OCTOBER. Surprises?

October 6. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.

October 12. Booked a trip for next year because I’M HOPEFUL AS FUCK.

October 21. Had the best conversation I had in a long time. 

October 22. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t. 

October 28. Organized a digital event for work. I’m still on the fence whether I’m proud of it or not. It was my first event, and I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. While I enjoyed all the preparation that came with it, from making that tactical marketing plan to coordinating with the organizers and my team, I felt like it was bland. There were lapses here and there and I know that we all tried the best we could, but maybe I just pictured it a little better in my mind? It wasn’t a flawless event and maybe I wanted it to be flawless. But it was fun. I never would’ve imagined me hosting an event, but I did. 

NOVEMBER. Decisions.

November 14. So news came and we’re finally moving. The buyer of the condo got approved and it was only a matter of weeks to settle documents and payment and we’re good to go. I had mixed feelings about it. It took me back to that time we started looking for houses. I wasn’t exactly ready to let go of the place I grew with for the past five years. And I wasn’t also ready to let go of the convenience, and the relationships I only have started building with friends I found along the way. But at that moment I knew I had to be happy because they were happy. My family was happy. I knew I have to be happy.

November 21. Started all the packing. Packing meant decluttering and reminiscing, so letting go of more things which was overwhelming at first, but inevitable. 

November 23. I had something checked in the hospital, and something happened and it wasn’t supposed to go that way but it did and it was so fucking bizarre lol

November 28. HAPPY MOVING DAY. It’s that day of the year. Stress was off the charts because of the time constraint and frankly, the lack of preparedness. Good thing a few people helped us with the rest of the packing. It was an impossible task for me and my sister alone so we were glad we got all the help we needed. I did most of the heavy lifting, so I had bruises all over my body for weeks, but after all was said and done, it felt surreal. Felt like everything coming full circle. That first night in the new home? I’ll never forget that. That was special.

December. The end of an era.

December 2. I went back to the condo to stay for a few more days. Get to feel the place one last time. Also lost a huge deal at work to a competitor. I usually really get depressed with these losses, but for some reason I felt indifferent about it. I guess it was my mind telling me I’ve mentally checked out of work already? That maybe it is really time to move on to something that’ll make me care about what I do again? Make me feel again?

December 4. Met someone (who we can call the Professor) I’ve been talking to for a while now. We’ve had some really great conversations leading to this night; talks at 3AM that’s kind of liberating? I was upfront about the moving and that I only have a few days left in the place which is probably why it happened. Professor was also upfront about leaving the country in a few months for an opportunity to work and do research in Japan for five fucking years. It was awkward at first; but we eventually warmed up to each other and spent the night together. 

December 5. Things escalated pretty quickly. The Professor gave me a shower (that was weird but I was feeling it and I thought it was sweet and sexy?). We cuddled until we slept and there was breakfast prepared when I woke up. I don’t usually get to experience this kind of stuff so I really appreciated that. I was feeling it. I thought I can get used to this! I left the place and was invited back again so I stayed over for another night. We’ve had a few more interesting conversations. I was not expecting some of the things we discussed especially the talk about long-distance relationships. The Professor asked me what I think about it and I was honest; I’m not against it but it’s not something I’ll take a chance on if I wasn’t sure about it. Mantra’s always been connection first before commitment. I’m not the “take a leap of faith” kind-of guy; I needed to be sure. Or at the very least be really mentally and emotionally connected with the person. I thought that made perfect sense. I still do.

December 6. So it was finally goodbye. Me and my sister went to the nearest church to donate a few clothes and shoes and to attend a mass. Bid farewell to the Professor too and promised each other to keep in touch. I also had an awkward encounter with my sister’s “friend” who she sneaked in the condo for God knows what for. Pretty sure they did the nasty.

December 13. We went to our old house (the one I spent my younger years in) to get a few stuff for the new house. I only really wanted to get my old bicycle because I want to be biking regularly for the next year. I want to take that fitness journey seriously! So I got the bike and I got to spend some time with some childhood friends. Good stuff.

December 15. A teammate resigned at work. The funny thing is he did it after getting that 13th month bonus HAHAHA! I can’t blame him though after learning about the salary he gets when he’s performing three functions in the team. That’s insane. But it really made me wonder: am I still in this for the long haul? Or do I move on too?

December 17. So I had my work desk and wardrobe delivered. Felt so nice buying things for my room! 

December 19. We got a new dog! Another French Bulldog. He’s pretty sweet. Someone’s not happy! (MY MOM)

December 22. And then this happened. We were supposed to meet after my dentist appointment (which I only used as an excuse to meet and I thought that was obvious) but the Professor never showed up. I waited for FIVE FREAKIN HOURS. I had like clothes with me because we agreed I sleepover but FUCK. Good thing a friend kept me company, but that was horrible. I thought YOU NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. I deserve better.

December 24. We had our house blessed. It was all super spontaneous; we invited a few friends and relatives over and had an intimate gathering. Mom got emotional (AGAIN).

December 27. So Ms. Preggy (from February - oooh that rhymed) had her son baptized. Since she lives a little father from the city, we decided to have a little staycation with some friends there too. The-Now-Bestie and Work Son was there, and we had beer and homecooked food and a slew of great conversations to cap off the year. 

Also December 27. I knew I needed to get something off my chest. And I just had to say it. 

“You’re so unfair. You shouldn’t have done that. Gave me false hopes. Gave me a “3-day trial period” only to disappear without any warning. Made promises you never intended to keep. You could’ve just told me you’re not interested anymore and I would’ve been fine with that but instead, you ghosted me. For the past few weeks since that weekend, it never seemed like you wanted to get to know me better. Or even just keep the communication going. It’s been one-sided and I wonder: has it always been this way? Maybe I’m remembering things differently. I told you I like you and I meant that. I’m still wrapping around my head why and how it happened to be honest. Maybe it’s that weekend? Maybe it’s the conversations leading up to when we first met? I don’t know. But things changed after that and I should ask you for an explanation but it’s really not the point. The point is I thought we can work something out and you hurt me. You may feel like you’re running out of time because of Japan but it’s no excuse to do that to anyone, really. You seem so sure about what you want so I hope you get whatever that is. Merry Christmas. Thanks for the memories.”

That was intense.

December 28. The Professor responded. “I apologize... I am getting attached... I had to “ponder on its implications to me in the long run”... I decided to slow down... It hurts... “That weekend that we met felt like I knew you before”... I am afraid... “You have no idea how hard it is to leave everything behind every 4-5 fucking years not because I wanted it but because I have to”... I still hope to continue whatever we have... “I will always remember you. Please don’t forget about me.”... YADA YADA YADA. 

I know. You know me. I try to empathize as much as possible. But I mean, come on. These are things I already know. It’s not what I needed to hear.

December 31. I needed to say something one last time. There’s already a lot of uncertainties in the world with COVID and life and everything else. I knew I needed answers; I want the binary. I want the black or white for this one. I’m not taking the gray with me next year. So I asked the following questions:

“What do you want from me? Do you want to be friends? Or we stick with occasional catching up on Viber every once in a while (because that’s what it sounds like to me)?”

“What do you want to get from your last two months here? What are you looking for? Just make the most “fun’? Or look for something that will stick?”

“Have you told me anything you really didn’t mean?”

“That one time we talked about long-distance, were you asking me?”

Fast forward to now: I never got the answer I needed. I guess this is one of those rare occasions where no answer is the answer. And after a few weeks of contemplating about it, I am leaving it behind in 2020. 

I’m actually at peace with that.

So there you have it. The suck-fest that is 2020. The first month of the new year wasn’t so bad. I feel this great energy. This year’s going to be different. I did tell you that this letter’s perfect timing. That’s because I’ve resigned and I’m moving on. A friend told me a while ago that he’s proud of me for finally taking action. The 2018 version of myself wouldn’t have done what I did and he was happy for me. I wanted a clean slate and I took it. That I was finally taking ownership of my life. 

I was elated. My friend usually spoils me with compliments and encouragement and my ever reliable negative self-image tend to disagree with him but for the first time in a very long time, it felt right. I’m not usually excited for New Years, but I guess I am?

I say bring it on, 2021.

Until then,

Patheticwithanem

[swordlesbean]

there’s more than one reason adora and glimmer’s relationship fractures, but shadow weaver is a huge part of it, though she ultimately plays a much more passive role compared to how she actively fucked up adora and catra’s relationship. the tension between adora and glimmer in regards to shadow weaver really comes to a head in 4x07, and i’ve highlighted the particularly yikes-worthy moments here. 

basically, glimmer makes some questionable choices regarding shadow weaver that don’t take into consideration adora’s history with her, and adora has a reasonably unhappy reaction to it, and then glimmer responds to adora’s reaction in a way that is frankly terrible and makes the situation more tense. 

and we could just say “what the fuck, glimmer? not okay!” and move on, but hey, that’s not what i do! so let’s take a moment (or many moments because brief and concise is also not what i do) to consider how we got to this point from both glimmer and adora’s perspectives. 

so glimmer. glimmer is grieving her mother and is overwhelmed by her new responsibility. the war has taken a turn for the worst, the horde is gaining ground, and she feels like she’s failing and not doing enough to protect everyone. usually she could rely on her friends for comfort and support, but she’s feeling isolated from them because their whole dynamic has changed now that she’s queen, and she feels like they (particularly adora) don’t trust her judgement or think she’s capable.

enter shadow weaver. glimmer’s always been insecure about her powers because of having to recharge them, but now shadow weaver’s helped her become more powerful than she’s ever been. she’s also able to learn the kind of magic her father knew from a person that taught him, which makes her feel closer to him. but most importantly, shadow weaver appears to recognize her authority and power and treats her like the queen, advising but still letting glimmer be the one to make the final decision, unlike adora and bow who keep challenging her and are trying to keep her out of the action to protect her. nonetheless, glimmer never actually trusts shadow weaver, just uses her knowledge and advice when it’s to her advantage, and she doesn’t understand why her friends can’t recognize this and just trust her on how she’s handling the situation.

but it’s not as straightforward as that, because shadow weaver isn’t just some random asshole. she’s the asshole that raised and mistreated adora, and glimmer knows it. she may not know detailed specifics about adora’s abuse (or catra’s for that matter) because adora most likely hasn’t discussed it in depth, but glimmer has still seen enough to get it. she saw how adora was in a constant state of panic in mystacor at just the thought of shadow weaver’s presence. she witnessed how shadow weaver strapped adora down and tried to wipe her memories in an incredibly painful way (which glimmer just managed to prevent). that was enough to make her hate shadow weaver. she was very protective of adora when shadow weaver turned up in bright moon, and she only agreed to work with shadow weaver grudgingly in order to rescue adora.

but now her circumstances have changed so much, and she’s got all this responsibility, and shadow weaver is seeming kind of reasonable, and it’s just so easy to be frustrated with adora. because adora keeps questioning her judgement about shadow weaver instead of just trusting her and her ability to take care of herself. because adora is the face of everyone being over-protective of her in a way that is very much like how her mom was, but it feels more stifling than ever because she’s the queen now, yet she’s still being treated like she’s less than capable, and it feels like she has less control of her life than ever. because she’s angry at her mom for being gone, but it doesn’t feel right to blame her, so she directs that anger at adora instead. because adora was there and didn’t stop it despite having all the power of the mighty she-ra at her disposal. because the scared and sad little kid part of glimmer that just desperately wants her mom to hold her is whispering, “it’s not fair, it should’ve been adora instead.“ (which... adora agrees, but that’s a whole other topic of discussion!)

everything that’s going on in glimmer’s life makes it easier for her to disregard adora’s feelings and concerns, even though she knows enough about shadow weaver that she should be able to recognize why it bothers adora so much. and if she was in a better state of mind, she almost definitely would understand and would be more considerate, but she’s not there right now. and yeah, glimmer’s behavior is mostly due to her being so caught up in her own grief and stress and insecurities that there’s no room left to really think about how adora feels. but maybe there’s also a part of her unconsciously trying to punish adora for what happened with angella. and we might also consider: purposeful pettiness. glimmer’s got a real mean streak that creeps out when she’s under pressure, and adora keeps butting heads with her, so at least a little of her lack of consideration for adora’s feelings is probably down to spite. which is... not great, but also makes sense. 

speaking of adora, let’s talk about her perspective. big picture, she isn’t totally blameless in the breakdown of her relationship with glimmer. she’s not adept at communication and expressing her feelings, and her own insecurity-driven behavior (over-protectiveness, need to control situations) inadvertently taps into glimmer’s self-doubts and pushes her further away. however, in this particular situation, i think adora’s reaction is not only understandable but very much justified. her friend is doing her dirty. 

shadow weaver controlled and manipulated and abused adora all her life and made her watch as catra was abused too. she’s only recently come to understand how she was mistreated and is still in the early stages of working through the damage, and then suddenly the abuser she’s just escaped is living with her in a place she’s come to think of as safe, and there’s no way to completely avoid interaction. adora tried to set boundaries in s3, but in their first encounter in s4, shadow weaver makes it clear she’s still intent on fucking with adora’s head when she attempts to make adora doubt her friendship with glimmer.

shadow weaver just being in bright moon is enough to put adora on edge and make her uncomfortable, but it goes further than that, because then she finds out glimmer is learning magic and taking advice from shadow weaver, which sets off all kind of alarm bells. adora is intimately familiar with shadow weaver’s manipulative brand of mentorship, as well as her brand of dangerous magic. in adora’s mind, the only kind of magic shadow weaver could ever possibly teach is dark magic, because that’s all she’s ever seen shadow weaver use, and it’s how she’s seen shadow weaver threaten and hurt people. and adora knows shadow weaver will end up hurting glimmer somehow, because that’s what shadow weaver does, especially when she’s taken an interest in you, like she did with adora, like she’s doing with glimmer now. but glimmer tells adora she doesn’t have to trust shadow weaver, she just has to trust glimmer.

and adora does trust glimmer, usually, but how can she trust glimmer with shadow weaver? glimmer doesn’t know shadow weaver like adora does. glimmer doesn’t know her skillful manipulations, the heaviness of her cloying false affection or her terrifying ominous threats. doesn’t know how easily she can slip into your head and make you question your reality or crush you under the weight of her expectations. doesn’t know the way she can make you feel like the most important person in the world and cut you down to worthless pieces in the same breath. doesn’t know how she can force you to watch as she hurts the people you love but somehow trick you into carrying all the responsibility and blame and guilt for it.

and it doesn’t help that glimmer keeps giving adora very good reasons not to trust her when it comes to shadow weaver. because glimmer threatens a horde soldier with magic in a really intense way that is reminiscent of shadow weaver. because glimmer just laughs when shadow weaver makes a gaslighting comment about adora being paranoid. because shadow weaver is suddenly wandering around bright moon freely without guards and it’s under glimmer’s order and glimmer never thought to mention it to adora. and whenever adora brings up shadow weaver, glimmer gets annoyed, brushes her off, says they’re wasting time and she needs to let it go. and even though they’re only meant to be acting, glimmer sounds serious when she says adora’s just mad she’s not shadow weaver’s favorite anymore, and that reminds her of when catra said she enjoyed being shadow weaver’s favorite, and why can’t either of them just understand how shadow weaver has always made her feel bad?

but adora is adora, and it can’t be about how she feels, it has to be about what she can do, which is stop shadow weaver from causing more harm. it’s not about how shadow weaver has hurt her, it’s what shadow weaver has “done to us,” the collective. after all, shadow weaver’s already hurt glimmer once by holding her captive and torturing her, so adora keeps framing her concerns in regards to how shadow weaver might hurt glimmer again and how adora is just trying to protect her. and yes, it’s true that adora is absolutely concerned about glimmer getting hurt, because she loves glimmer, and she’s already been forced to watch as one best friend was irreparably damaged by shadow weaver, but this time she has the power to stop it from happening, if glimmer would just listen to her. 

but then it’s not just about protecting other people from shadow weaver, it’s also about adora instinctively trying to protect herself. because adora’s gut feeling towards shadow weaver developed before there was glimmer and likely even before there was catra, and that’s the feeling adora is reacting to the most. that feeling being fear. shadow weaver has been making adora afraid for as long as adora’s been alive.

and if adora was capable of communicating that fear, if she was able to be more direct about how shadow weaver has harmed her instead of a general “us” or instead of future possibilities about how glimmer might be hurt, maybe she would’ve had more luck getting through to glimmer and easing the tension between them. maybe then glimmer would’ve been reminded what adora’s experienced at shadow weaver’s hands and would’ve understood adora’s reaction wasn’t about about adora not trusting her or thinking she’s incapable, but about adora feeling scared and unsafe because her abuser is once again living in her space and giving seemingly well-received guidance to someone that’s supposed to be on her side, someone that’s been her best friend and primary support system in her new life. but adora hasn’t learned how to talk about stuff like that yet, because adora hasn’t learned how to be considerate of herself and her feelings and her needs.

anyway, that’s a lot of words, so i’m going to wrap it up with a familiar refrain: GET THESE KIDS INTO THERAPY.

[vaguely-concerned]

The Untamed Liveblog

Yes hello I watched the whole thing and wrote down some of my thoughts and feelings along the way so I wouldn’t fuckign EXPLODE! Only look under the cut if you’re prepared for a truly outrageous amount of rambling (...no really)  

- I am elated to find that so far every adaptation I’ve seen has faithfully preserved the absolutely bizarre structure of the original book, I am appreciating the dedication haha

- the actor lends this version of lan wangji such an edge of youth and vulnerability right from the beginning, it breaks my heart. I don’t care how good he is with a sword, you can’t expose this pure sweet boy to the horrors of war!!! 

- I am so glad I already know who all these characters are and wtf is going on, I can’t imagine watching this first time without that knowledge lol 

- I love how they’ve made nie huaisang look so small and soft next to all the other cultivator, he looks like a floofy and eternally confused baby birb ;______;

- nhs citing the goldfinch as the reason he doesn’t want to die (presumably because no one will know to take care of it) TOT ur meant to be comic relief in this part of the story buddy you can’t make me cry like this yet!!!

(also the actor for wwx effortlessly sliding into being protective and reassuring and Good in a crisis. wonderful!)

- the actor for xue yang has chosen to go with the sexy baby school of evil acting normally associated with female villains and for that I can only applaud him

also setting up characters who are going to be important later on is something this show is doing better than the original haha, both the extra wen quing & ning and song lan & xiao xingcheng content is appreciated. (especially the latter suffered from ‘oh yeah those two -- actually wait who the fuck are these two again’ syndrome for me when I read the book. additional note: I am very sorry but clearly they are gay there’s no other explanation here)  

- poor jiang cheng, they really haven’t given him much help in this huh. I would sort of have preferred it if they let him be ever so slightly less abrasive in the beginning, like in the book and the animated version; I’m not feeling quite as devastated over this relationship as I did in either of those.

- lan xichen’s soft knowing smile is a blessing every time. just a nice man. did not deserve this. protect.  

- kudos to the actor for jin guangyao for the instinctive creeping unease I feel whenever he talks, even at this stage. he’s a wrong ‘un sir he’s a wrong ‘un

- y’know both the fact that nhs spent three days catching a bird and kept it with him undetected and that he’s the friend you go to for the good porn and managed to not only smuggle it into the cloud recesses but did so without getting caught... some wonderful subtle foreshadowing here (to make up for the very blatant visual foreshadowing that’s already been given out I assume lol)

- anyway lan ancestor lady and baoshan-sanren? gay. sad and gay. (I love how thoroughly wwx is getting to meet the in-laws btw lol how often do you have to meet your future spouse’s family from like three generations ago and take care of her rabbits for her after she’s gone, all before you even get to second base)

- fkadshfkasjdlhfsdjkfh the sheer consistency of nhs wistfully commenting on all the beautiful men surrounding him fsadfkjsdhfksd I think they might oh so subtly be hinting at some stuff here. HILARIOUS that this version, which has to maintain at least the veneer of some plausible homoerotic deniability, is a lot more overt about it than the book, which is free to be balls to the wall as gay as you please  

- oh no nie mingjue just showed up my entire heart is on fire. BIG BROTHER!! so stern yet fair, so righteous, so worried y______y also can we talk about how his ‘hmmm I think imma stab it?’ approach to evil in general and xue yang in particular would have saved everyone a lot of grief later on? and he tells wwx the whole necromancy thing is probably not a good idea? (I really like how he does it too, he has so much Older Brother Energy it spills over when he talks to other kids around huaisang’s age lol. it’s good that they show his temper isn’t indiscriminate at all, he’s not angry at wwx even though his idea is provably incredibly dangerous) sole ornery voice of reason nie mingjue, also did not deserve what’s about to happen, I cry and my tears are blood  

- ‘yeah okay I get that you’re mad but have you maybe considered... I didn’t do it?’ is an unusually weak opening move from jgy considering nmj literally did just see him absolutely 100% do it

- there should be a WARNING at the beginning of episodes where nmj cries so one could be PREPARED for the emotional devastation!!!!! tollest & stronkest man of the cast also stupidly pretty and heartbreaking while crying, it’s not fair

- I love how every cultivation sect’s home (except for the wens b/c they’re cartoon villains) is refined and beautiful and luxurious, even when it’s in a restrained way like the lans’... and then there’s the nie place which is like ‘please understand that this is a fuckn fortress’

- aww this doomed jiang cheng/wen quing thing is cute! too bad about... everything that’s about to happen happening huh

- oh wen ning.  very hilarious that he’s known as the ~*ghost general*~ forevermore when actually... he is baby... cinnamon roll baby... too good for this world, too pure...

- how is this cgi turtle somehow less egregious than the one in the animated version lol. I quite like this bad little friend! long neck.

- oh NO lan wangji finally letting himself show that he’s in pain when they’re in private... i’m uwu  

this beautiful boy is so long and lanky tho, I must admit he triggers my parental instinct more than the hot boy alert at this stage (but that’s fine I’m not the one who’s going to smooch him that’s wwx’s job lol)

the look of absolute disbelief and despair lwj gives when wwx thinks he’s in love with mianmian... this show is a cinematic masterpiece and I will hear no other opinion  

- lwj looking at the love of his life completely missing the point: are you a joke to you (the answer is yeah)

- okay we’ve officially hit the point where everything’s about to go to hell for real, pray for me I’m not sure I can handle this again

- jiang fengmian acknowledge your other son who desperately wants your attention and affection challenge (unfinished)

- watching this scene knowing exactly what this promise means to jiang cheng and that wwx is going to break it... this is fINE

why the fuck did I do this to myself I know what’s about to happen when will I learn to quit while I’m ahead lol

- the change in subtext from the novel that EVERYONE sees wangxian coming from day one is so painful from jiang cheng’s side. this poor boy really has abandonment issues pelting him from every direction huh. tfw your idiot genius brother doesn’t even fucking realize he’s basically announcing he’s leaving your clan and your side to get married one day ;______;

- man mxtx is just so GOOD at peppering in the small private tragedies that somehow sting even worse than huge atrocities going on. the fact that madam yu and papa jiang never manage to reconcile and communicate except possibly in death... oof my friends. oooof.

- WAIT WHAT NO DON’T SHOW ME THE CHILDREN WHO’RE ABOUT TO DIE WHAT THE FUCK YOU MONSTERS

- like we’re right at the worst part now and she is an asshole... but damn madam yu’s last stand is epic tho. like a champ to the end

- wen zhuliu’s actor being able to uphold a look of tremendous boredom at all times regardless of what’s going on around him is Poetic Cinema Bitches

- jiang cheng and wei ying are holding hands on the boat... stab me in the heart... end my suffering

- you know what in this version we get to see that madam yu knew her husband came back for her and they died holding hands and not everything’s on fire yet, so far this isn’t quite as harrowing as the animated version. the dead children are fucking me up but the tone of the animated version is like a nightmare, this is less disturbing to me

also can we talk about how madam yu fought them off the whole day and night and her husband gets his ass owned within five minutes 😔 oh papa jiang

- oh okay turns out jiang cheng’s ‘I want my mom and dad’ gets to me in every adaptation good to know

they’re so young they’re bbs I don’t want to be here anymore haha

- wen ning. a sweet angel. just the goodest of boys. his sister raised him so well ;______:

- wen quing is so ethereally beautiful and also looks like she could stop a train with the force of one glance. like she’s my height but her presence is immense

- oh I see we’ve arrived at the tiny adorable flashback bbs part of this journey, let me just... just lie down somewhere huh

- outside of the central romance this is a tale about people who love their brothers very very much and it’s real sad for everyone involved

- me watching nie mingjue kicking down the doors to reclaim his own dang fortress: YEEEEAAAAH GO OFF DAGE!!! i um love him and his very handsome face

- jiang cheng dreaming about his family is EMOTIONAL WARFARE!!! how fucking dare!!!

- y’know what this isn’t a bad way of adapting the burial grounds thing! also pretty cost effective I imagine, gotta think about the budget when so much of it goes into fabulous wigs and robes

- credit where it’s due, the actor for wen chao makes his face do some shit I didn’t know human faces could do and he’s enjoyable to watch in the capacity as your friendly neighbourhood hate sink

- lwj consistently using wwx’s personal name even when talking to total strangers now... mhm this is also fine

- I can’t beliEVE this show is somehow less subtle about the gay stuff than the book, jin zixuan basically just asked lwj if he and wwx were... y’know... I guess cultivation partners would be the way to go here lol. between that and nhs more or less asking them if they were off fucking after the whole cold cave debacle... what a time to be alive even if they’re not going to kiss on-screen  

- huaisang I hate to have to be the one to tell you this but your brother is an entire snacc. and yet I respect him way too much to ever proposition him, I know he is busy winning a war and being Righteous and slowly being driven mad by the ghost in his sword on top of raising his little brother, I’m not here to complicate things for him any further

I love this version of nmj so much though. this sense that he also sees the stuff that is genuinely good in jgy and has a real moment of grief that the dude just can’t seem to get away from his basic insecurity that causes him to do horrific things, even when handed other opportunities... the fact that he seems regretful and worried when asking jin zixuan how jgy is doing with the jin....... everything to do with his little brother...................... oh no he’s Soft in his private life this is awful

- poor lwj’s ‘I have a bad feeling about this’ face in this scene haha, he’s staring at this talisman like ‘I only know one person smart and dumb enough to pull this off’

- can’t wen quing just get one nice thing. one nice thing just for her. hasn’t she been through enough. give her her brother back and a nice quiet place to practice medicine and maybe some soft romance with jiang cheng eventually this show is kind of selling me on this.  

- unexpectedly my favourite part of the revenge scene is just the camera switching back to lwj and jc watching in horrified silence like ‘...O___o dude this is fucked up tho right?? it’s not just me that’s messed up??’

- one is forced to wonder about wen zhuliu tho. this version reads as pretty explicitly depressed/suicidal to me, he’s kind of an interesting villain since his main traits are unquestioning loyalty mixed with unending indifference and also seemingly not too pressing a will to live

- oh nhs desperately trying to keep it together and pretend nothing’s different ;_____; this version is really driving it home that wwx is a lot of people’s only friend -- jiang cheng is mentioned to not have anyone but his sister to play with before he arrived, lwj was raised primarily on books and rules and his brother is ELATED that he has one (1) friend now, from the sheer depth of the attachment I’m willing to bet nhs hasn’t had many real friends in his life either. wwx gives and gives of himself and doesn’t know how to take help in return.    

- foreknowledge is a beautiful thing; if you look at nhs when it’s revealed wwx didn’t bring his sword you can visibly see his brain kicking into overdrive haha. smart boy.

- big sister ;_______; I am an older sibling so I haven’t really had the feeling of having an older sister to look to, I see why it might be comforting now

- oh this is some real uruk-hai shit!! honestly the special effects in this aren’t half as bad as I’d been lead to fear, some of you guys just weren’t forged in the crucible of shitty sci-fi channel cgi at an early age and it shows  

(honestly the weird fight stuff threw me much worse in nirvana in fire, because that series has such intricate, credible and realistic political world building and then people are flying all over the place through wire fu and it is so disorienting haha)

- oh nhs looking up at his brother like a puppy during the war council T______T baby bird boy

(between this point in the main story and fatal journey it’s very interesting how clearly nhs needs the emotional stability and safety of his brother -- who also seems to be his parental figure -- to function properly, even in his late teens. it looks like he needed more time to grow up than the rest of them even before they were all thrown into this awful bullshit. well he does have a lot of murderkitten brain to grow I guess that’s fair enough lol. wwx has some of the same thing with his sister too)

- whenever lxc and nmj look at each other it feels like the only two adults in the room meeting each other’s eyes like ‘...oh dear’

- aww lwj getting some advice from his brother. this poor kid really hasn’t been raised to handle the moral complexity of the real world huh, good thing lxc is here to lend some nuance to lan qiren’s unforgiving dogma

- oh lan zhan

- nmj’s plan to just idk somehow go in alone and fight the wen overlord mano a mano to avoid any more casualties... a spine made of steel, a heart made of gold, a head made of wood :’) truly a perfect man, good thing his brother got the brains in that family and he has some more sensible people around him

- in the face of inevitability I plead... jiang yanli... please don’t marry this asshole your son is going to be predictably insufferable

wwx has suffered through so much the last four months or so and yet his real breaking point is seeing his sister cry and can I just say -- relatable content

- NO! NO STOP HURTING HIM HE’S JUST GOOD AND HANDSOME AND DOESN’T DESERVE THIS

(could be applied to like 98% of these characters but in this case it’s nmj b/c I love him)

I do find it very funny and oddly comforting that nmj is literally so fuckn mad that it takes three times as many attacks for the evil sorcery stuff to take him down than we’ve seen used on anyone else fsdkfhasdkj too angry to die  

wHY has my brain chosen for me to attach so deeply to perhaps The single most inevitably doomed person in this entire cast, at this point I’m just being cruel to myself lol

- I can’t describe how much I love the fanficiness of this story, in the best ways. the emotional fallout from the destruction of the lotus pier gets more screentime and attention than the entire sunshot campaign, and that’s exactly how I want it to be.  

- they’ve been doing some great work to establish that the jin are also jeeeeeerks for such a long time, how’s that for foreshadowing

- equal opportunity traitor jgy gets his stab in lol one must respect the grift, though, he’s set himself up pretty darn good

*lxc stops nmj from killing jgy, hello darkness my old friend starts playing in the background*

fatal journey builds nicely on this fundamental thing that the nie boys take their responsibility to their people extremely seriously, it seems to be the fact that jgy so blithely talks about them as necessary casualties that really sets him off

- adlfsdfhsdkjh lxc and nmj meekly being like ‘...we could maybe... not commit war crimes? if that’s at all possible? no?’

*slaps ‘I don’t think you even tried at all’ stars on both of them* (I mean I actually do kind of see where they’re coming from a bit, they just came out of a pretty costly war and I wouldn’t feel too comfortable getting right back into it with arguably the wealthiest faction, who’s also been keeping back a bit and thus kept a lot more reserves. well played jin bastards well played)

- I could stop here. if I stopped here everything would basically be as okay as they could be and the world full of hope still. I suppose the question here is... do I love myself enough to quit while the going is good. and the answer is no I already started the next episode

- I think one incredibly endearing aspect of this version of nmj is that he has a look of faint but permanent worry about him. he walked onto the screen with a vibe of ‘...oh boy I don’t like where this is going’ and he’s just kept going ever since

in the book he’s kind of a flat character (whose one trait is Mad), I love that they’ve given him some depth and nuance here! probably partly down to the actor doing a great job, but this version has a real sort of warmth to him and also seems downright uncertain at times -- he thrives when there’s a clear goal and black and white sides, and is probably not  t h r i l l e d with the weird tentative political situation after they take down the wens lol. thank god he has his little brother to make ‘bitch please’ faces over his shoulder when the jin get weird about things

anyway I’m always on the ‘nhs you are SO valid’ train, but in this version nhs is quadruple valid, in fact only mianmian is more valid in this entire world

- one of my favourite parts of this show is when wwx enters a situation and the camera takes some time to zoom in on the faces of his family and friends to convey their sense of ‘oh god what the fuck is he about to say now’ dread    

- jiang yanli asking her little brother if he doesn’t want to stay with them anymore while crying is emotional kryptonite, help

this poor woman, she had to put all her points into emotional intelligence b/c god knows no one else in this family did

- hell YEAH lan zhan go break some rules!! treat yourself my guy

- hey sis if, theoretically, one hypothetically found oneself in -- for the sake of argument -- love with, as the case may or may not be, someone... how would one tell?? asking for a friend

- the whole summary of this fucking show is just ‘weaponized sibling feels’ everything hurts with foreknowledge why did I keep going

- aw no blindfolded kiss scene but here’s a scene with real earnest emotional intimacy stuff going on instead... I will joyfully take it your honor

- I do value and respect the translators giving us these subtitles so much... but they did also force me to read the words ‘bosom friend’ with my own two eyes right there and that was not very cool of them

- why oh WHY must jiang yanli, best person in the world, have been cursed with the horrible fate of being in love with the dumbest man on the planet

*jiang yanli juggling all the idiot men in her life* oh god my little brother is causing an international diplomatic incident again time to bUCKLE UP

oh ho ho you know shit is getting real when big sister gets mad I LOVE HER. suddenly you see she definitely her mother’s daughter after all lol

wwx crying because his sister just fiercely defended him in public... im uwu

- I hate jgy with all my heart but I do feel bad for him too. his barely faltering :) look while all his asshole relatives gang up on him sdfhskahf

- again the jin are dicks but when it comes to aesthetics they do go off, that’s such a beautiful shade of blue

- dsflhsdakjlfhsdakjfl sd this shot of lwj and nmj right before lxc drinks is the funniest framing imaginable b/c lwj is wearing a look of complete stonefaced

-___________-

and meanwhile nmj, who presumably has seen lxc drunk before since they’re longstanding bros, looks worried as fUCK

- awwwww I do love nhs capitalizing all of jc’s attention so the others won’t start shit with him/so he won’t get to say something publicly he’ll regret later because he’s (understandably honestly) mad at his brother for making his life even more difficult than it has to be (I have every sympathy with wwx but buddy... buddy must you make everything more complicated for your bro every darn time this is a real delicate political situation and he’s not suited for that even without your antics)

it’s a very nhs move because he comes across as slightly boorish and rude and thus leaves jc blameless and thus protected, you can get so far if you have no self respect lol  

- showing us exactly how wen ning died is honestly a little too mean this is not fun

- good god this poor grandma has been through the wringer hasn’t she

- oh. oh wen ning, who never meant hurt anyone in his entire life :(

- listen okay the end is in sight just a couple more horrific tragedies to get through and then it’s the weird romantic comedy buddy cop antics of the current day timeline to ride to the end

- it cannot be overemphasized how much this lan zhan is Baby, I so desperately want to help and protect him

- I’m going to stop shouting out individual actors on this show they’re all goddamn brilliant haha (but am I tho)

- most valid person in the cultivation world mianmian

also enjoying the exemplification of nmj’s character that is ‘not sure how I feel about this dumb kid with the big mouth digging his own grave ever deeper but that girl’s got guts and I respect that’

- wen quing is getting a taste of the dangers and pitfalls of having wwx as a little brother dfhskdalfhsdaklj she and jyl should compare notes (he’s so good tho T-----T)

- how does wwx’s actor have such natural dad energy at such a young age, too powerful

- people give so little thought to how fucked up jc’s situation really is here, like he’s just being an asshole for the sake of it. spend three fucking seconds looking at it with some realpolitik in mind and realize that the clans around him have just shown that they can and will wipe out an enemy clan together if need be, and that his own sect hasn’t even gotten back on its feet after the war that almost wiped it out. like wwx is unquestionably morally right but has gone about it in such a way that it’s real fucking hard to support him without going down with him and how do you calculate that risk when you’re responsible for so many more lives than your own

also so sad about jc being so afraid this entire time that wwx would leave him like everyone else... and now he has :( jc doesn’t handle it well but then who would at this stage

- there is something so pure about a quietly horrified lan zhan getting Dad Advice from these guys (well he’s going to be needing it soon enough so)

oh the utter softness of his face looking at wwx and ah yuan ;_______; thank god, some fluff to bolster my heart before we set off into the last harrowing ordeal here

LAN ZHAN’S ENTIRE FACE LIGHTING UP AT WEI YING ASKING HIM OUT thank fuck there’s still some joy left in the universe

this poor love struck man, someone help him  

lan zhan conscientiously grabbing ah yuan’s toys is fskhdfksjdlfhskjdhf

- lan zhan looking around the demon subduing cave: babe I love you more than life itself but this is tacky as hell

- crying because wen niiiiiing

- crying because sibliiiiiings

okay this is the last time the three of them will be together and nominally happy, need to appreciate it through my tears

- actually I take it back please just let the bad thing happen now so I don’t have to live in suspense anymore lol (...this probably says a lot more about me as a person than I’m strictly comfortable with)

- the fact that none of wwx’s little adopted wen family are AT ALL intimidated by him anymore is just... it’s too much to bear

again tho this book/show is so willing to let you dwell in the emotional stages of things in a very fanfic sort of way, I think it’s what makes the sad parts so much worse (and makes you feel so incredibly attached to these characters)

- I gUESS it’s a testament to jin zixuan’s character that he has any decency at all, considering who his dad is and where he was raised

I’m cracking up at their dad being the one who still doesn’t trust jgy tho lol snake recognizes snake

- jgy’s faint look of ‘are you fucking kIdDiNg me rn’ whenever all these jin douchebags talk is very entertaining. if he didn’t go on to do all that murder and incest and (probably) infanticide I’d sort of cheer for him no matter what kind of sociopath he is

- not to be a downer or anything but isn’t one month a little premature to be celebrating the survival of a baby in fantasy old timey china tho

sometimes I feel like looking back at history is just seeing a whole lot of dead children (and this is why I think that even if god did exist it would be morally inconceivable to worship him! sorry just a quick detour into my personal grudge against the inherent cruelty of the world there, let’s move on)

- it’s uncomfortable to watch even the outlines of the jin sect’s slow insidious stranglehold on power. even these random shopgoing nobodies know that nmj is Not Happy about these watchtowers and that it’s probably going to happen anyway. the jin are snakes but at least they’re clever about it and I do kind of respect that

- oh everything’s about to go so wrong I hate it

NOOOOO don’t make the zombie baby fight, nothing good will come of this

- man this is hitting me worse than lotus pier actually I’m just... crying haha

it’s almost cathartic tho... there’s something about wen quing’s dignity and certainty that really helps? I just really wish they hadn’t brought the whole little group, god I want them to be okay so badly and ah yuan will be all that’s left and. and just throw me into the ocean and let me sink tbh

- I know this is all so much black cgi smoke (pls let us see the red version again at some point btw that was cool as shit) but the emotional metaphor of wwx that you can’t take on more and more of other people’s suffering and trauma and not care for yourself because you will lose control of that at some point is just. very nicely done. (he’s a bit of an odd serial codependent for a lot of the story, isn’t he. thank god lan zhan is not a quitter)

- jin zixuan’s mom is breaking my heart a little here. this lady has been married to THAT GUY all this time and now this as well. sorry lady, I guess jgy probably Took Care Of You at some stage after this

- a) this is just real good acting for wwx. this is the perfect level of unhinged for this, even though I’m always like ‘just. just shut your mouth for one time in your life and stop digging this grave any deeper six feet should be enough for anyone huh’ at this stage of the story and b) I am cackling inappropriately at the shot-reverse-shots between wwx, jiang cheng and jgy. jiang cheng looks like everything he ever loved is falling apart around him and jgy is like ‘oh wow I didn’t even have to provide him any rope he’s doing an excellent job at hanging himself without me’

I love wwx so much but it did take him an unconscionable length of time to realize that when you set big enough things into motion you will not be able to control who it crushes along the way or who might steer it in the wrong direction. other people exist and have agency and a lot of those people are bad honey :(

- ah yes lwj being stopped by a barrier made of the physical manifestation of wwx’s trauma when he tries to reach him :’) this is okay and cool and fine    

- it’s admirably obtuse of everyone to look at wwx at this stage and still think he’s in control of uh anything lol

- oh okay that went better than expected I don’t know if I’m just inured to sadness at this point

jiang cheng looking like a little boy clutching his big sister’s body is tugging at my heartstrings a bit tho

- ooooh this battle hardened intense lwj!!! I guess I can sort of see it now

- oh lan zhan 2, electric boogaloo

- finally! time for some comfort up in this hurt

- my man nmj still so fucking angry in the afterlife that anything even remotely connected to him is shaking with rage in sympathy in the real world. a mood

- fdsahfsjdklfhsdajk wwx being like ‘I can take everyone saying I was evil but how DARE you not mention I was also a snacc’

- when do you think nie huaisang really realized that his brother wouldn’t have children and that he was up for the sect leader seat next? nie mingjue seems to have known pretty far in advance himself and tried to prepare his brother accordingly, but that kid really didn’t want the job so I imagine he’d try to live in denial as long as possible

vaguely related: no other family is ever mentioned by either brother or anyone else, and nie huaisang straight out says that he is the only main disciple (I seem to remember and with the caveat that I might have misunderstood the translation) when there’s the talk of them being sent to the wen as hostages -- I suppose you sort of have to be very selective when your ancestral cultivation method is sketchy enough that you should keep that shit on the down low and you know people die young from it. so I think it’s possible if not probable that huaisang is the last of his family. isn’t that a fun little thing to think about? haha. ha. help me  

- this random street vendor is an unexpected strong comedy performance, every face he makes is pure gold

- fkshafkjsdhfasd best introduction of adult nhs

- the quiet luminous love on lwj’s face whenever he looks at wwx in the present... give this man all the awards. it’s nice that wwx gets to be scared and childish and vulnerable with someone who loves him no matter what too, he’s been through some shit

- oh okay I see so the reason they chose to make fatal journey the way they did was because they already had the set built

- *nhs dropping one set of robes like that one gif from anastasia to reveal another even more luxuriously dandy-ish set under it* oh wow what a surprise to see you two down here, coincidences amirite (anyway here’s the testament to all the sins of my ancestors & a trail of breadcrumbs to lead you to the murderer of my brother)

no wait that’s slightly later isn’t it. well the point still stands

- dead!nmj is truly a mood -- “I don’t know where I am, who I am or what the fuck just happened but I do know that I am PISSED OFF”

(actually in the book I found that almost comforting -- at least the dude got to spend his afterlife doing what he loved (i.e. being angry), but this more nuanced and sympathetic version being trapped like that just. makes me very very sad)

nice of him to stick around to play a few rounds of hot or cold with his little bro’s friends tho lol. I mean from what I understand of this take on canon it’s actually the spirit of his sword and not him in person? but close enough, let me keep him as long as I can okay

- jin ling getting his dumb ass cask of amontillado’d within ten minutes of entering the tomb smh

look at your ROBES young man what is your (other) uncle going to say??

- hAH what did I say. pedagogic mastermind jiang cheng at it again

enjoying the fact that they chose the floofiest most benign-looking of dogs to play this ~*terrifying hound*~ so much

I have a lot of sympathy for jiang cheng, and the actor is doing a good job at aging him up here (not as good as lwj’s but then you can’t beat perfection). the way he’s calcified into bitterness and anger b/c he can’t express his emotions in a healthy nuanced way feels very... real I guess, people get like that sometimes

- I am somehow really endeared to this version of jin ling. a dumb baby, but a baby

- poor lan zhan lol “I LEFT YOU ON YOUR OWN FOR TWO HOURS AND YOU ALREADY MANAGED TO TAKE ON SOMEONE ELSE’S CURSE??? BABE!!!!!!!”

he consistently uses jiang cheng’s personal name too huh. well it is his brother in law I guess ETA: actually I’m an idiot ignore/forgive me, that’s jiang cheng’s courtesy name isn’t it. lan wangji is being salty/maybe-deliberately-maybe-not-(but-definitely-tho) distant/polite with him I think 

- y’know... as I watch lwj carry the love of his life around on his back with all the tenderness in the world and I see people in the comments yell about why do you always need everything to be gay they’re just good friends you’re all crazy... I realize all over again that there really is no level of queerness they’ll ever find legitimate or acceptable. which like. feels bad, but there’s also the freedom in remembering they are always going to be assholes no matter what I do, there’s literally no need to listen to them at any time.

- I am CRACKING UP; watching this episode right after seeing fatal journey sure is a treat hahaha. nhs really must enjoy the acting on a deep level because he is hamming it up and I am living for it    

“It’s nothing at all like unorthodox demonic cultivation methods!” he protests with his big innocent doe eyes, having yelled the exact same accusation at his brother within ten seconds of finding out about it dsfdskjha

- awww that’s such a sweet way of telling nhs who he is while both of them still get plausible deniability :’)

this show is making it a LOT easier to figure out nhs’ deal earlier just through visual storytelling and his reactions when lwj and wwx aren’t looking, but I guess you sort of have to do that without the benefits of selective POVs that you can do in written stories

- lan zhan’s little smirks are such a blessing

- can we talk about how INCREDIBLY rude lwj and wwx are being barging into other people’s ancestral tombs like they own the place. I know I said break some rules lan zhan but there’s such a thing as common decency too at least wipe your feet at the entrance or something

stop being big bullies!!! (nhs actually sounds a little salty at how debonair they are being lol he’s like yeah you’re doing what I want you to but you don’t have to be such dicks about it)

- nooooooo nmj don’t die ur so sexy ahaha (I jest so I do not cry godddddd my heart big brother come baaaaaaack)

I’m honestly finding it very hard to live with knowing that the last thing nmj saw in life was jgy having his little brother in his clutches D:D:D: looking at it like that... of course he came back mad as fuck, I’d probably do the same thing

- boys boys I love and support you but could you maybe not stand around talking about how this was totally a horrific murder like the murderee’s little brother isn’t standing right there?? i mean it’s useful for him but it’s kind of mean of you, I know neither of you were raised in a barn  

okay there’s wwx irrepressible protective instinct that’s better. I just... nhs standing there looking small and sad and soft and lonely isn’t the whole truth but it is part of the whole truth, it’s nice to see wwx being like this even after all those years. (the physical closeness in their friendship in their youth in this version is so gooood. outside of wwx the only two people we see nhs consistently allow close or seek out closeness from is his brother and MENG YAO, who can frankly burn in hell even more than usual for the flute thing in fatal journey.)

- lan zhan contemplating the inherent impermanence of everything good in the world and then immediately getting blackout drunk -- MOOD. also I have never seen a scene where someone so obviously was about to press a soft kiss to someone’s forehead or cheek, don’t worry wwx I see you through the censorship lol

(it’s incredible how well they’ve adapted the love story considering the fact that they technically uh can’t)  

- wen ning: shambles, zombie-like and disheveled with horror movie monster eyes, into frame

all of us: omg a BABY ToT

- live action drunk lan zhan is living up to the hype I am  d y i n g

this poor repressed man

fjskdfsdkjhf he could do sword fighting in his damn sleep probably

I will say that leaving ‘wei wuxian was also here’ is going to scare the crap out of these poor people whose only crime was keeping well fed chickens

- they r so in love someone hold me

- this nmj!kid I am LOSING IT, this is so cute I want to lie face down on the floor and cry

- the yi city arc is my least favourite part of this story, so I’m fortifying myself to get through a couple of hours of sexy baby xue yang here

- Dad/troll teacher!wwx is in fact everything

- oooh wwx has the same weird crooked fingers as me when they’re extended! just some small Facts About Your Friendly Neighbourhood Blogger there

- this is not at all a bad take on ah quing! she qte

- ‘what’s your husband look like?’ song lan, crying: beautiful

- xxc you didn’t think it was a little weird the dude wouldn’t tell you his name -- even a name -- all this time. honestly

I know you’re in a bad place and this is sort of a rebound thing from your actual true love but stop letting him gaslight you like this buddy :(

- time for some MASSIVELY FORESHADOWING PARALLELS my friends

- I don’t know if I’m just a heartless monster but I honestly don’t care that much about anyone but ah quing in this little sideplot lol (probably my complete disinterest in xue yang tainting everything else)  

- xue yang and jgy: the ‘sad backstory dude still inexplicably extra mass murder’ club

- godddd I’m so bored I’ve listened to this guy cackle ~*madly and evilly*~ for three episodes now when will it fucking end

- lan jingjy you are VALID

- fhsdkfhsdkj can’t get over baxia being like ‘OI you two stop gazing soulfully into each other’s eyes for five seconds and get on with avenging me’

must be annoying spending your afterlife in a pouch third wheeling the two most obnoxiously in love people in the world, I think this spirit sword is being admirably restrained and patient all things considered

- big brother I am so sorry you had to hang out under there all this time while this boring bullshit plot happened above you ;________________________;

I’m actually not clear on what the nie sect does with the bodies of the dead -- the saber tomb seems to be exclusively for the weapons/we see that some of the cultivators will go down there while they’re still alive to sacrifice themselves... maybe they go in the walls? I guess nhs is breaking tradition in a lot of ways tho so who knows!

- ‘from what I’ve seen he’s not so bad’ wei ying he smilingly asked you to use POWs for target practice I’ll allow lxc to be this dumb but you really have no excuse

- this duckling in red is a gentleman and a bro, one to watch

- wwx seductively arranging himself in the open window to cover his panic fsdkjfhsda

- lot’s wife WISHES she had the level of salt jiang cheng does

- ‘if they ask me any weird questions I don’t know the answers to I’ll have to pretend to be a total psycho’

lan zhan, dragging his husband with one deadpan face: I’m sure that is going to be a huge feat of acting for you babe

- NIE HUAISANG FALLING INTO FRAME AND LAUNCHING HIMSELF FROM ONE PERSON TO ANOTHER LIKE A GORMLESS WET RAG, I STAN ONE (1) BOY

‘but new problems appeared’  how is he such a mood

again tho you can give your unknowing accomplices so much space to investigate if you just don’t bother with self respect or dignity at any stage of the journey lol

- fjshdfkjlsahd that beat of lan zhan clearly taking a moment to contemplate the idea of wei ying confessing his love naked in public there

- uncle and nephew bonding time T________________T  

- fsakfhsadkjlfhsad I can’t deal with this mission impossible ass music in the background as a little paper gingerbread man scoots around the palace

whoever animated this was clearly having a lot of fun, I love the little details like his dangling legs and him rubbing his lil paper bum after landing

- poor qin su, one of the most screwed over people in this whole show. at least in the book he didn’t mean to

- ah su, you’re being very unreasonable about this, what is a little incest between friends

- straight culture is this being chill to keep in the adaptation but god forbid anyone got a loving queer kiss at any point (not blaming the showrunners at all, they’re clearly stretching the limits as far as they will go and maybe a bit more at a few points)

- YES SISTER CALL HIM THE FUCK OUT I always felt like she’s known something was a little off for a long time but never could put her finger on what exactly

- ‘can you still not let me go’ hey jgy you piece of shit who’s keeping whose head in a weird serial killer cabinet here

- THANK YOU FOR BRINGING HIS HANDSOME ALIVE FACE BACK TO MY SCREEN IF ONLY TO MAKE ME SAD

- he’s so beautiful and righteous and strong 😭😭😭😭 dage come back to us

(makes even more sense that he’s so pissed off about what jgy did if he’s already shown clearly that he’ll shut down the people fucking with him if it’s brought to his attention. he gave you every opportunity you little oh-it’s-never-really-my-fault worm of a man)

- another nmj about to cry warning needed here help me

dON’T FUCKING TOUCH HIM YOU SLIMY FSKJLDHFKSJDHFSKDJLHF

the nie traits are undying loyalty, rage, and the intergenerational trauma of watching your parental figures succumb to death and madness through the same cultivation path you practice

- my cause of death: nmj’s eyes shining with unshed tears

this version has that edge of vulnerability to him, you suddenly do realize he was once just a kid watching his dad die a horrifying death and then having to take on all that responsibility and raising his brother

nie boys unfailingly devoted to the people under their protection I’m gonna go bury myself under a tree or something

- I’ve had to turn the volume down so I can barely hear anything b/c my emotions are too big to for my dumb body to contain already I can’t listen to this

- extremely sad but also a little funny that part of the reason nmj died was that he had no interest whatsoever in the arts. ‘music is music right?’ says local jock

- I’ve just been whimpering the last twenty minutes this is awful

- huaisang’s voice breaking on ‘big brother, it’s me’... sdlakhgsdjklfhsadjkghsdkjlfhdskljhgsdalkhgsdklgjhsdjklhgkdjslhgjskd I’m going to the bottom of the mariana trench and I’m staying there goodbye

- I can’t wait to watch nie huaisang end this putrid trash man’s whole career in the most devastating way possible tbh

- I’m just so SAD T______________________________T I hate jgy so much my heart burns with it I’m so glad he’s about to get some dramatic irony shoved up his -- but I digress

- haha poor jin ling standing there watching all this messed up shit like ‘O.O thanks i’m nine’

- I wish I was as good at passing the fuck out on command as nhs, I feel like it would solve a lot of my problems

- just some low key soulmate shit no biggie

- wwx is basically fantasy old timey naked again here the SCANDAL except no scandal they’re clearly married

- wwx is being so much more patient with lxc than I would have found it in my heart to be at this stage. he’s like ‘lxc you are my brother in law and I truly appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me but it’s sadly up to me to gently confront you with all the ways you’ve been a dumb ho just b/c you think jgy has pretty dimples 😔’

- “You’re not qualified to talk to me” oh lwj I love you so much. I thought committing murder was forbidden by the lan sect rules but there you go  

- it honestly baffles me that some people think nmj would be the strictest parental figure in this universe when a) everything about huaisang suggests otherwise and b) lan qiren is right there

madam yu has that ‘super unforgiving to her son’s face but will also tear anyone criticizing him a new one’ mixed energy too  

- lqr: I raised a perfect obedient righteous cultivator

me & wei ying: you’ve ruined a perfectly good boy is what you did look at him he’s too repressed to breathe

- well their dad clearly paid enough attention to worldly matters that two kids resulted from it, I’m not quite sure where we’re going with this lxc

one’s an accident two’s a pattern etc.

- wow I was so confused about ‘confidante’ being used here b/c it makes absolutely no sense in context, and the comments helpfully informed me that it’s more accurately translated to ‘soulmate’ or something like that; that does make a whole lot more sense yeah

- bb!lan zhan kneeling in the snow is more than anyone’s supposed to have to live with tbh

- lxc being like ‘so yeah my brother will keep loving people long after they’re gone and unable to give him love back! just a fun fact there, something to think about anyway here’s wonderwall’

- soft, ever-so-slightly messy haired at home lan zhan deserves the world

- oh wwx’s shift away from thinking the truth doesn’t matter at all to realizing the truth of you being held fully and with love by one person in your life is enough as lwj plays their song ;______________________________; this is almost more romantic than a kiss scene would be honestly jesus christ  

- little apple is the best of us tbh

- apologies but they have 100% started to fuck off-screen at this stage, the looks wei ying is giving him dsafasdfhsjkd

- I take it back mianmian and little apple are the best of us

- imagine just finding the light bearing lord, second peerless jade of lan in his immaculate white clothes, peeking out from between your hay bales one day

- the exponential increase in lan zhan’s blessed little smiles lately: my oh-they-fawking thesis is validated yet again

- wei ying lying through his teeth: of course I remembered your face at once who do you take me for  

(lan zhan: smirks in quiet satisfaction)

- walejhgskdjhgsjdaklfhsadjkflafhsjakdsf wen ning is so cute I don’t know what to do with myself

- wei ying this is where you first asked him out of course he remembers

- lan zhan is like ‘oh shit I forgot to tell him about our son and at this point I’m kind of embarrassed to bring it up’

- I am NOT thinking about the lotus pond they made for him here, you can’t make me

- ‘the worst time in their lives’ yeah, but there was such love there too. it  h u r t s 

- the actor for wen ning is so good at making his expressions look deeply earnest but also a little uncanny, like moving his face doesn’t come naturally to him anymore but his Good Boyness shines through

- DRAGGED in public by his own son. rip wwx he had a good run of it before his untimely murder

- wow thank goodness sect leader yao survived all this time, his death would as we all know have been a huge loss to society as a whole

- “I’m just here to round up the numbers” I love him more than I can convey to you in words

I’m a simple person, I hear nhs’ chronically befuddled voice and a burst of pure joy is released in my heart

sdfhjksadhfsad his soft little 😕 face peeking out from behind people’s shoulders fkjsdhfsdjal

- will I ever get enough of nhs masterfully manipulating a situation through his own apparent cowardliness and uselessness? no is the answer to that it’s always entrancing to watch

nhs as a teacher, nodding sagely as his disciples exchange glances: it’s never too late to go home instead of going big. saying ‘fuck this i’m outta here’ is always an option

- also nhs seemingly doesn’t use a saber at all anymore, where he at least used to have one back in fatal journey times. I’m very happy he’s trying some new things, time to break that very sad traumatic chain of dying young and furious

also him getting someone else to do the work of fixing the ward or whatever fskdfhaskdlf

teacher nhs, waving his pupils away b/c he’s busy painting or something: class dismissed. and remember, if at all possible, get someone else to do your homework for you. as long as you don’t get caught that’s an automatic A

- wwx is literally the cat surrounded by knives meme here lol

- lol lol lol wwx just removed his outer tunic thing to reveal lan zhan’s undershirt still under there and you can see lan qiren silently seethe with ‘that little hussy has seduced my nephew away from the righteous path’

(do I personally believe in slut shaming of any kind? nah it’s dumb as fuck. do I think lqr does? yeah)

- hahaha I can’t tell if nhs’ slightly glazed look here is b/c wwx did something he didn’t plan for him to do or if it’s because he’s for all intents and purposes half naked in front of them. (tbh I think there’s a case to be made in this version that he has a sort of wistful would-never-act-on-it-for-a-million-different-reasons-lan-zhan’s-furious-jealous-stare-being-foremost-of-them crush on both wwx and lwj from back when they were teens)

- WOW all these dicks inviting themselves to lotus pier!!! r u d e

- lan zhan flexing on lan qiren by raising a happy well adjusted child even while he’s mourning the love of his life: what like it’s hard

- wen ning kept that toy for sixteen goddamn years don’t touch me

- I’m crying about jin ling give me a moment. he is baby okay he’s even younger than ah yuan by at least four years

the image of him hugging the only thing he’s got left of his dad... fsdalkfhasdjlkfhsjdakhfsjdk

- lan sizhui has a crowd of good uncles/dads and poor jin ling has a crowd of utter disaster uncles and it’s very unfortunate (yes wwx is on both of those lists)

it is very sweet that it’s jiang cheng who consistently actually looks out for him, even in his feelings-wtf-are-feelings sort of way. the least disaster uncle, but only by comparison lol

- I think this ouyang kid might be duckling in red from before? LOVING the interspersed nhs reaction shots to him, anyway fsakdfh (I’m going to make it sad: how many conversations like this do you think he had with his brother as a kid? that’s fine we can both cry now I don’t want to be alone in this)

- ‘mr ning’ im Y___________________________________Y

- extremely Here for yet another full costume change from nhs hahaha (he’s changed at the boat already, god knows how he pulled that off but I’d expect no less from him)

- nhs must have been a sect leader for at least a decade at this point, and he still manages to exude such a powerful ‘kid at the adult’s table’ aura. incredible. mindblowing, inspirational

- ...oh they went with the same version of the previous jin leader’s death huh (but GOD FORBID that anyone should be openly gay amirite lol) O___O again though WHY is jin ling here, jiang cheng??????? he’s like sixteen, he’s never going to dare to even kiss anyone after this

- nhs has the look of a man who’s had to sit on this disgusting knowledge alone for years and finally gets to share that icky burden around, merry christmas everyone if I have to know about this so do you

- I don’t know if this is just me imagining things or reading more into it than what’s there, but I think nhs is actually sitting in the same pose his brother used to a lot in this part of the scene (the upright posture with palms resting at the top of the thighs/hips, fingers turned inwards/towards each other; it looks sort of... solid and self-contained, I guess)

- I would call jgy knowingly committing the incest character assassination if he’d had enough character to assassinate even in the book, I would never have put it past him

- y’know... god knows nmj had flaws (I think my immense depth of love for him in this version comes precisely from how hard he tries even while being deeply flawed. him dumb but him always trying :’) well actually he’s not dumb at all, he’s shown to be pretty darn politically savvy, I’m just having a hard time finding the right word here. ‘inflexible’ is maybe closer ), but the big defining difference between him and jin guangyao (and consequently xue yang) is that both of the latter are completely open about the fact that they see themselves as more important than anyone else -- xue yang considers one of his fingers worth more than fifty people’s lives, jgy kills twenty sex workers as a mere afterthought to his own revenge on his father. meanwhile nmj gets Messed Up by people dying under his protection to the degree that he came up with one of the dumbest plans I’ve ever heard just so he’d be the only one at risk, just so no one else would get hurt anymore. hmnghsjhfs.   

- wen ning, proudly: my sister was the best doctor in the world 

me, openly crying: she sure was buddy

- wwx: hey lan zhan are there any sweet patient lan ladies with an open mind around

lwj: ...why

wwx: I just think our zombie son should start thinking about getting friends, maybe even a real home

lwj, subtly relieved: oh

- JIN LING BABY BOY NOOOO D:D:D:

- nhs I need you to come in and end this man I cannot look at his awful face anymore

- ugh this garrotte sound effect is really unpleasant actually well done

- THERE HE IS!!! conveniently swooning his way into the scene again, my guy ;_______; smol and soft-looking and about to utterly obliterate a man on every conceivable level 

I love every moment of the camera dwelling meaningfully on his innocent vulnerable face, this is going to be so great 

it’s too bad he’s a behind the curtain sort of dude, I would kill for a poirot-style ‘I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here in the library’ moment here lol

- tbh jiang cheng’s got a point about that whole ‘making huge sweeping decisions about someone else’s life and never telling them about it’ thing

wwx has sort of structured himself as a person so that you’ll never be allowed to really reciprocate his dedication and sacrifices (unless you’re lz lol), and while that is a very sympathetic trauma reaction essentially it is sort of a dick move interpersonally.

- the weight and wisdom that comes along with the scars of older wwx... you love to see it

- nhs, with effortless grace, rousing from his disney princess slumber just as the real drama’s about to begin... your honor he is simply the best

-  T__________________________________________________________T big brother 

- the tinge of coldness in nhs’ eyes while he watches jgy through this whole scene even as he keeps up the ‘im baby don’t worry about me’ act.............. fashdfjlksdahfslkadj, not to say askfksjhafkjsldhfkjsalhfksjaldhfkls

- to say that jgy has perhaps ‘gone overboard with this’ might be the biggest understatement of any century lxc

- watching him kneel by his brother’s coffin here I’d like to propose that Nie Huaisang has exactly the same capacity for all-consuming rage as the rest of his family, except he can’t just vent it by hitting something real hard with a haunted murder saber so he has to get creative and that was real unfortunate for Jin Guangyao  

- one thing that’s always tickled me is that nhs did give jgy the choice. the people around him -- the people he claims to love -- could have been left out of it, no dishonor being brought to either his name or any of theirs... if he’d been willing to sacrifice himself. (probably a gambit where he knew that was never going to happen, but still!)

- nhs standing there in the background like ‘yeah yeah we all have horrifying family legacies buddy, we just don’t knowingly marry our sisters or arrange for mass murders over it’  

- arguably killing the previous jin leader could actually count as a good deed if not for the horrifying way he did it lol. jgy all over, he could have done something helpful, *john mulaney voice* and then he didn’t he just killed nineteen innocent women while he was on a roll instead

- while it’s sort of bullshit that some responsibility is taken away from wwx in jin zixuan’s death here it’s also making a bit more sense to me like this -- seems like an uncharacteristic gamble from jgy to just idk hope wwx would lose control at exactly the right/wrong moment. wwx is still at fault for how casually he treated wen ning as a weapon when he didn’t know what the consequences could be, I’m okay with this

- jin ling and the terrible horrible no good very bad week :( protect him

wow lan xicheng let’s stand around some more letting this awful excuse for a person tell this sixteen year old boy that his parents deserved to be murdered basically, I’m sure there’s a lot more fruitful discussion still left to be had here  

- talk shit about nie mingjue’s brother get hit su she hell YEAHHHHHH

big brother still looking out for him I’m fsdklfhajsdlhf 😭😭😭

- I’M SO FULL OF FEELINGS ;________________________________; at least in this version the implication feels more like he’s finally at peace? (hilariously wwx managed to purge/cleanse the saber spirit, which is the entire conflict of fatal journey haha, nhs really did get his best friend to do his homework for him yet again, INSPIRATIONAL)

- HELL YEAH FINALLY GET REKT YOU PIECE OF SHIT! PRESS F TO PAY RESPECT EXCEPT JOKE’S ON YOU I’VE GOT NO RESPECT TO PAY

They did do away with any and all ambiguity around nhs here and I’m totally cool with it, that was awesome

- I’m playing the world’s tiniest little violin right now, wow much sad fuck you and your dumb hat

- may I just say that the fact that jgy uses his last moments on earth to make lxc, a person he proclaims to love, feel as bad as possible about his now inevitable death even though it clearly wasn’t really his fault... is just proof that he has never actually loved anyone at all except possibly himself 

contrast with wwx, who tells jc that he’s sorry, dries his tears in the here and now and says to let the past go because there’s nothing either of them can do about it now and there’s no point in hurting themselves over it again and again anymore. jgy has the opportunity to give a similar kindness here and instead twists and twists the knife, so lxc will be in as much pain as possible when he’s gone. he’d rather be kept alive in lxc’s suffering than let him, someone he ‘loves’, ever heal and be happy. anyway I hope hell is real shitty for you jgy

- jgy you absolute piece of shit you couldn’t let my man have TEN FUCKING MINUTES to nap in peace? after sixteen years of your fuckery? urgh bye  

- nhs looking at lxc sadly when lxc can’t see him... one last ‘I don’t know’ finally closing out his arc... I love all of this so much, there’s such a nuance of... he is genuinely a bit sad about causing lxc pain but he also doesn’t regret what he did At All. (I guess most of what he’s done must be pretty easy to rationalize/justify to himself, since the vast majority of his work went into finding the horrible shit jgy has done and showing them the way home to roost, rather than creating fresh suffering from scratch. and then there’s also the whole mo family but uh well eggs omelettes amirite lol)   

- lan qiren telling people not to run or talk loudly b/c they’re at a temple, even under these circumstances fhakjsldfhkjsdafhkjsaldhf 

- god the casting people for this show have a perfect track record of finding heartwrenchingly cute kids my GOD

- jfdsafhaskdjfh I love how they’ve done the moment with the hat -- the way the flashback sort of indicates that nhs does recognize on a deep level that the dude he just killed was someone’s son, was after all once an innocent child, like anyone... and again, it doesn’t make him regret it. he looks tired and sort of empty, but not like he’d take any of it back. he’s seen jgy for all that he was, good and bad, and made his decision. his reaction to seeing his hands ever so slightly stained with blood is mostly ‘...eh sure’ (and he knows none of this will ever bring his brother back and I am HURTING) . just. I love him so much what an interesting character 

- lan zhan raised a child who can talk about his feelings, unprecedented & wondrous 

who’s chopping onions in here

- never getting over ah yuan being the best person in the world at roasting his dad 

- okay okay okay I’m going to have some incoherent feelings here -- the expression on nhs’ face right after wwx asks him if he intends to be chief cultivator is just... hm. how do I describe this. it looks almost like he’s thinking ‘oh yeah I forgot you don’t actually know me anymore (yeah okay that’s my bad)’? the previous scene is about lwj and wwx, The symbolic representation of true love in this world, naming each other/knowing each other for exactly who and what they are. that’s the thematic victory in this story; to be truly known, accepted and loved for the entirety of who you are, if only by one person in your whole life. (notably all sorts of love, parental, familial, platonic etc., not just romantic/sexual) and to get his victory, nhs has had to completely forsake that because his whole plan hinged on it; he hasn’t been emotionally honest with anyone for well over a decade at this point. no one really knows or understands him, and if someone ever did he’s long dead now and never coming back. and in this one moment both wwx and nhs seem to come to the quiet understanding that neither of them are who they used to be as kids and it’ll never be like it used to be again, and reach a sort of live-and-let-live truce about it.  d u d e this goddamn story 

(after all part of the reason jgy is so incredibly terrified of nmj is that he’s the first person to see straight through his bullshit to who he is behind it, and that it’s u g l y  back there. jgy + nmj = being known without being accepted or loved (b/c honestly he doesn’t deserve to be loved or accepted yeah there we go I said it), jgy + lxc = being accepted and loved without being known, which turns into disaster all around.)

- man this was actually a really solid adaptation, it was excellently done! they did rush a bit towards the end there (it was never explained why jgy didn’t kill sissi along with all the other sex workers in this version, for example, leaving a rather substantial plot hole, and they never reveal why exactly lan zhan had to take over as sect leader which breaks off lxc’s arc at the end), but all in all that was wonderful and even added some stuff I liked better than in the book! now please god never let mtxt write a sequel, just let them be in this happily ever after, all of them have been through enough ;________;

- also the music was truly epic! I don’t even begrudge them using some parts more often and blatantly than what’s probably necessary, I want to wallow in this love theme as much as the next person lol

- what am I going to do with hours upon hours of my life now? I don’t know either, I suppose I will just have to find some way to hobble on 

[hvlfwygod]

the ferryman | gabriele & abel & lucien (& chiron) (& etc)

summary: some spirits are moved more easily than others

Gabriele wasn't sure why he'd come anymore. His company was frustrating at best and— he didn't want to be uncharitable and finish the thought. He'd come not because he was doing anything particularly useful, but because he was worried. He thought Lucien had been perfectly secure in the hospital, but apparently the bed was needed. So, he was going to the Big House instead. Despite getting Jordan to seal all the windows and Chiron's repeated assurances, he could not shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong. His goddess was whispering something, but he couldn't quite catch it. Really, he just wanted to see Lucien get inside this room and the door get locked. And he wanted a friend by his side while he waited with Jordan for this transfer to occur. But Abel was sulking, honestly sulking, and Gabriele prayed to be out of the bad energy soon. "You didn't lose, Abel," he said, not for the first time.

Jordan said that he’d meet everyone there, trying to spend as little time as possible with every single component of this. He’d told them before he left that he’d done the research, and turns out, Hecate, though excellent with communicating with and guiding spirits, had no actual control over them. Turns out, there was no way that the spell was supposed to work with putting a second spirit in the body. Because Major came back, it complicated things. He was an anomaly, and there was... basically nothing Jordan could do about it, besides put a locking spell on his holding cell, apparently. He shivered under four layers, his body protesting the cold and yet refusing to warm up.

Abel was on the other side of Gabriele, just as quiet, though the gloom did seem to seep from their pores. As Gab spoke, they turned up their nose. “Ah, I didn’t say that I did.” This time. “You can stop speaking to me as though I am a petulant child.” They were almost grumbling instead of speaking. “Had I decided to go for lethal blows he would not be standing there anyway.”

Gabriele rubbed his hands together, unconsciously affected by Jordan's shivering. He sighed deeply. "I'm not speaking to—" He had half a mind to ask Jordan if he also thought that he was speaking to Abel like they were a petulant child, then he realized that doing that might vindicate them. "Alas, my attempts at encouragement fall on unwilling ears. I am sure you're correct, and let's be thankful that you went easy on the poor man." He sighed again. "I still think this is a bad idea. Jordan, the room will hold, yes?"

Abel only sighed more at Gabriele’s reply, feeling more patronized, and Jordan could feel the aura of death creeping in on him, though he didn’t know quite what it was. He hunched his shoulders up as if that might keep him warmer, and suddenly a cat appeared on his shoulders, wrapping around his neck like a scarf and blending into his hair. At the question, both man and cat tensed, and his eyes found another person as if for the first time. “I don’t fucking know,” he snapped. “I’m literally fucking here because I’m a failed magician. I think it’ll hold. I don’t know.”

Abel glared at Jordan over Gab. “Shut up. Stop sulking because you accidentally possessed a person. Poor you.”

Gabriele bristled slightly at Jordan’s reply and even more at Abel’s. Though he was inclined to agree with them: as much as he believed in second chances, and even pitied Jordan’s situation, he didn’t appreciate being snapped at. “Abel, shush. Jordan, you are not a failed magician. I would argue you’re actually quite competent, which for this instance is quite unfortunate. You’ll have to forgive my paranoia, as since you cannot do much else to assist us, we’ll have to wait until Abel is healed to help our friend.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. The vibrations off these two were unbearable. “I do not like playing with fire by giving Lucien more time to scheme, but it cannot be helped. The least I can do is make sure he cannot run off.”

Jordan clenched his jaw and Crinitus growled at Abel, looking as though he might leap off Jordan’s neck before he got a pat from his owner. “It was a stupid question. I gave an equal response.” Fuck this year, thank god it’s almost over, Jordan thought to himself as he walked away from the other two, not giving them time to reply to him. He approached each of the windows, drawing sigils so they would stay locked tightly. Crinitus followed down Jordan’s arm, as if inspecting and reinforcing the windows.

“Don’t listen to him,” Abel muttered, as though they needed to be the one to reassure Gab. “It was a good question. He’s just upset.” They hung their head. “I wish I was well enough to extract more from him. I might be. I’ve been using shadow magic each night to heal myself and I think Ime might be messing with me to keep me on the crutches as a joke.”

Gabrielle watched Jordan walk away with a weary expression, then turned his attention to Abel. He tilted his head, studying them for a moment. “I would prefer you be safe, Abel. I would hate to see you hurt yourself more. I’m sure Major would, too.” He didn’t know this, but he wanted to reassure Abel. Gabriele rubbed his chin, thinking for a moment. “How bad was it when you took those smaller ghosts out?”

“It’s not hurting me. I’m perfectly able to do it,” Abel was muttering once more. “Not like I need my leg to extract a ghost.” They rubbed their eyes with two fingers and pinched the bridge of their nose at the question. “That’s the real reason I’m afraid to do more. He started bleeding internally, I think. Coughing up blood and the like. I’ve never taken a ghost out of someone before, but it seemed strenuous.”

Gabriele decided he wasn't going to argue with Abel about why they should wait for a stab wound to heal before doing anything strenuous like exorcise a ghost. Something told him that it would only end in further frustration. Instead he focused on their answer to his question. "I see," he said with a frown. He took a few steps away from Abel, hoping the bit of space might help to clear his head. "I think I can—" Gabriele paused when he saw a car approaching. His eyes flickered over to Jordan, then Abel, then he walked over to the passenger door as Chiron unfolded himself from it. "How is he?"

"Difficult to move," Chiron said. He, too, seemed incredibly annoyed. At least they all had each other for company.

Gabriele moved to peek into the car. Lucien was handcuffed in the backseat and trying very hard to not be. Gabriele was given a hard, hateful stare, and an unkind comment that he only heard partly, muffled as the man was by the closed window. He rolled his eyes and walked back over to Abel. "I was saying, I can try to ease that burden.

Jordan felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up as Crinitus, true to his name, floofed out as he pressed closer to his owner. He had no desire to see Lucien ever again, and he walked back to Gabriele and Chiron. “Done. I’m leaving.” Despite his words, he didn’t disappear right away, awaiting any sort of further instruction.

Abel did seem like they were starting to disappear. At the sight of the car, Abel’s form began to fade from vision, as though hiding themself from Lucien.

Lucien knew it was probably a hopeless endeavor, but he tried to break out of Chiron's hold anyway. As he was hauled out of the car, he tried to push his way to freedom. Of course, it was to no avail, but it didn't stop him from kicking and thrashing. He couldn't believe there was an audience for this, and he was newly enraged when he saw that Jordan was among it. For a single moment, he thought the man was here to help him, but then it became clear and Lucien bared his teeth. "You fucking traitor," he sneered.

Was Abel even listening to him? Gabriele looked up to the sky. "That would be nice, Gabriele," he mumbled under his breath, so quiet he doubted anyone heard him with Lucien throwing such a fit. "Thank you."

With no further instructions and even less of a desire to stay now that Lucien was directly speaking to him, Jordan ignored the hissing cat on his shoulder and disappeared with a small pop.

Abel glanced over at Gabriele when he spoke once more. “Hm?” The shadows under their eyes were more pronounced, though it could be to do with their near transparency. “Ah, ya, thank you. Sorry, I just don’t know if a peaceful passing is an option at this point.”

Gabriele just watched as Chiron hauled Lucien inside. Normally he would offer to help with a task that looked as difficult as this, but Gabriele had no interest in getting kicked in the face over someone else's bad idea. Besides, Chiron was strong, and for Lucien's struggles he was inside the house in a matter of seconds. Gabriele followed after from a safe distance. "I agree. It's doubtful, with that one," he said. "But I want to try something, okay? Come with me."

Abel resisted the urge to groan loudly in displeasure, instead they just kept a small frown below their face mask. When asked them to come, they followed after Gabriele.

Gabriele managed a smile, then sped up his walk. "Chiron?" he called out as he walked into the Big House.

The centaur looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?" His arm was fully wrapped around Major's body, and Lucien seemed to be exhausting himself; his struggles were getting more vague and had longer pauses in between. Now it looked to be nothing to just hold the man relatively still.

Gabriele cleared his throat and pointed to Lucien. "May I quickly speak to—”

"I'm not talking to you," Lucien snarled.

Gabriele smiled. "You don't have to say anything, actually."

Chiron sighed. "Quickly." He tightened his grip and turned so that Lucien, glaring at anything other than him, was facing Gabriele.

Wasting no time, Gabriele moved a little closer and stared at Lucien. Eye contact would be easier, but since it was so... busy in this body, he could manage. "Hello?" he asked gently. Was he imagining things, or did Major's body slump somewhat? Regardless, he felt that he had someone's attention. "How are you feeling?"

Abel ran their tongue over their teeth as they watched Gabriele and whoever it was inside of Major’s body he was speaking to. They noted the change in posture and pitch of the ringing in their ears as they shifted their weight from their heel rather than their toes.

No answer came out loud, but Gabriele felt it: restless, uncertain, grasping at empty air. "Forgive me for disturbing you," he said; it was only because it was definitely not Lucien that he was being so polite. "What are you doing in there?" Another quiet moment, but this time Major's hands twitched slightly. Gabriele took it gently and felt the ghost become more grounded in Major's body. Or rather... many, cobbled together. There was halfway a conscious person here. Gabriele swallowed his disgust and pressed on. It felt as though a thousand pairs of eyes were on his back, so he knew he had many spirits listening in, not just the ones who responded to his greeting. "I am not here to hurt you. I simply think you are lost. This is not where you belong, and if you feel stuck, I am able to guide you out. You need only follow my voice." Immediately, he felt something brush against his hand. Just a few ghosts, but it was better than nothing.

Abel had never seen Gabriele work before, and they went from quietly sulking to entirely rapt. They could understand now why a goddess would have chosen Gab for his job. How comforting would it be to have a soothing voice to follow at a time of such confusion and stress. His voice was hope. It was a vocal guiding hand, and they suddenly forgot that they were upset and sulking.

Gabriele allowed another moment to pass to see if anyone else would join his small group, but all the rest of the ghosts seemed unwilling or too uncertain. He didn't push it for now, and let go of Major's hand. "Sono venuto per avvolgerti e proteggerti da tutte le cose malvagie," he mumbled. "I'll take you soon, stay with me."

Lucien was already starting to stir, so Gabriele stepped back, his new spiritual posse moving with him like little orbiting moons. "I will come back and talk to more. I shouldn't try to guide too many at once."

"Ugh," Lucien moaned before Chiron could get a word in. He lifted his head groggily, like he'd just woken from a long sleep, and spat at Gabriele's feet. "Fuck you." Gabriele ignored this.

Chiron did, too. "That... Well, let me know when you plan to visit, so we can have him ready."

"Fuck you."

Gabriele smiled again. "Of course." He turned to Abel. "If I can help enough of these spirits, it should hopefully make your job less... painful, no?"

Abel didn't quite know how to express how much they needed Gabriele to help them at their job. After seeing him in action, the wanted to let him know that they thought his technique was both brilliant and moving, but they weren't sure if it was quite time for such sentiments, especially in front of Lucien. They nodded once, eyes bright and focused on Gab. "I... yes, I think that it would."

He noticed that Abel was no longer pouting. It was like the whole room got a little brighter, and Gabriele's smile grew. "Good. I am glad."

Once the demonstration seemed to end, Chiron lifted Lucien off the floor completely and walked him further into the house. He kicked his legs in protest, but there wasn't much he could do.

Gabriele watched Chiron disappear into the house as he headed for the door himself. "I am going to go somewhere more secluded to finish this," he said to Abel, gesturing the ghosts surrounding him. "But I will speak to you later, si?"

Abel almost smiled back at Gab, and then remembered that the slightest uptick of their lips would be imperceptible to their friend anyway. “Ya,” they agreed with a nod, starting out of the room after Gabriele. “If you can still find pleasure in my company after today.”

[xmilitisx]

Ship: my guy/your guy

Ah shit. Here we go.

These two fucks. 

SEND ME A SHIP and i’ll tell you:

who wakes up first in the morning

Jack. He’s been an early riser since he was a small boy. Living on the farm, working it- and then living on an army base has installed an internal alarm clock that can’t seem to sleep past six a.m unless his ass is wore out. And even THAT happens fucking rarely. 

But, even so- if he’s up first, then he’s showering and then picking up clothing and tossing them in the hamper. Then he’s also in the kitchen, making breakfast and starting coffee. He’s a fucking domestic asshole if given the chance. 

who’s the first to fall asleep at night.

Jack. Reaper really doesn’t sleep. But he trusts the other man enough to watch his back even now to allow himself to sink deep enough into slumber to not wake up immediately if there’s a noise in the house. He trusts the wraith to cover him, to protect him like he always has.

And in return, when the other man has his issues with staying together- or when it’s a bad pain day? He’s right there, watching over him- like his own disgruntled, half blind guardian angel. 

what they playfully tease each other over

Food. Clothing. Breathing. Existing. Hair color. Sex. It really just depends on what day and what they’re feeling playful about. For them? It’s fluid, their relationship weirdly dynamic. There’s no set one single thing. 

what they do when the other’s having a bad day

Mostly, they kind of test each other’s mood. If they can ascertain what the other is feeling, and what kind of bad day it is- then they sort of work around it. Jack’s the more domestic of the two, and will tend to not quite hover? 

But close to it. 

He doesn’t like being out of sight of the other man if it’s a bad day for him. 

As for his own days? He tends to act like a wounded animal and go to ground and hide if he’s in pain, or having one of his days where the PTSD or anxiety turns him into a shaking mess unable to function outside of four enclosed walls for the day. He doesn’t like anyone seeing him like that. 

But- he’ll let the other into his hiding place. Let him coil around, let him stop the shaking. 

how they say ‘i’m sorry’ after arguments

They don’t. There’s no verbal communication for apologies. It’s all done with actions. Actions have always been easier for them than words.  So, when it counts? They stick to what they know works best. So they’ll do things for the other. Favorite foods. Favorite movies. Favorite fabrics. 

which one’s more ticklish

Fucking Jack. He’s got ticklish spots on his left side, the one that doesn’t look like hamburger meat.

their favourite rainy day activities

Movies. Books. Sometimes it’s just laying on each other and talking. Or not talking. Maybe it’s just napping. It’s whatever the mood calls for, and the mood is fluid and ever-changing. Occasionally it’s straight up beating the shit out of each other, then grinning like idiots after. 

how they surprise each other

Existing. And occasionally showing up with unplanned date ideas after missions, and sometimes in between them. They weirdly some how, manage to make room for each other in between this personal war they have going. It’s stupid as fuck. 

But it works. 

their most sickening shows of public affection

They’re really fucking bad about finding alleyways to make out in. Someone’s hand is gonna creep into the back pocket of the other. Occasionally, they’ll settle for just sliding an arm around someone’s waist. 

Though there was the one time someone stuck a tongue down someone’s throat to make a point. It stopped the Jehovah’s Witnesses real fucking quick in their tracks. 

[sweetness47]

The Reality in the nightmare

Pairing Dean x reader

This is for Kari’s Supernatural Halloween Challenge @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

Prompt: “I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.” Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Summary: What’s real and what’s not?

It was one of those weird creepy nights, the kind that just make you want to retreat to the safety of your bed, pull up the covers over your head, and silently pray to Chuck for morning to come quickly. Of course, it didn’t help that it was All Hallow’s Eve, or Halloween for the other 99% of the population. I used to be innocent of all the creatures and monsters that roam the earth, until my twin brother, the only living relative I had left, was brutally murdered, body parts scattered everywhere. I would have been next if Sam and Dean hadn’t burst into my home and dispatched the werewolves that had attacked my home. The brothers took me in and taught me to hunt, and over the years they have become family to me. Cas, Mary and Jack are included in that group. Dean and I married shortly after I came to live at the bunker, going on two years now.

But anyways, like I said, it was creepy, with a chill in the air that just felt wrong somehow. It was a horrific, terrifying evil kind of wrong feeling, and my stomach filled with dread. The town was dark, empty streets, and fog rolled in, as if it wasn’t already weird enough, and the temperature dropped drastically. The entire demeanor of the place seemed to change then, shadows seemed to come alive, like they were stalking us, waiting for the right moment to strike. We disproved the alive shadow theory quickly enough as Jack shot a ray of angelic light at one. Nothing happened, so we shrugged it off. My senses were on heightened alert, even with the shadows being just that, I just couldn’t shake that feeling we were in deep shit.

Sam, Jack and Mary decided to go in one direction where the town center split, while Cas, Dean and I went in the other. We kept Walkie talkies with us as the cell reception was choppy and unreliable at best. The plan was to check in every five minutes with each other. As my trio walked through the dark, deserted streets, I sensed some movement, so I motioned for everyone to duck down out of sight. What we saw is something I will never forget, even though I wish I could.

Weirdos, creepy ones at that, sauntering slowly down the road. What’s worse was who these shitheads looked like. They were masked horror movie villains, like slasher movie ones, and they looked so goddamn real, and worse, felt real too. These weren’t kids or teens. Every movement they made suggested they were every inch the real thing: Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Leatherface, and Ghostface. The harder I tried to get any sign of people in Halloween costumes, the more I felt overwhelming dread. I glanced over to Cas, who nodded, confirming the bad feeling in my gut.

Dean, sensing my tension, tried to lighten the mood with one of his charming antics. “well, there’s something you don’t see every day. It’s a live action horror movie marathon!”

I shot him an unamused glance. “Funny Dean, truly hilarious. Smart Ass!” I slapped his arm. “Does this look like a fucking Sci-Fi convention? No! Those things in the masks? Bad news babe, trust me. I believe those are the real thing there. You’ve watched those horror movies with me. Go ahead genius, tell my gut it’s wrong!”

Dean sighed, knowing the truth. “Yeah Y/N, you’re right. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.”

I tried to send word to Sam through the radios, but all I got was static. Whoever or whatever was casting the spell that animated those creeps in the masks must have also put up a radio wave dampener. Fortunately, that wasn’t our only method of communicating. Cas seemed to have limits on his angelic abilities, but I was able to send word out to Jack, who relayed the message to Sam and Mary.

We tried to get closer to the group of killers and noticed Jason carrying something on his shoulders. Oh sure, cuz these assholes weren’t enough to make someone shit their drawers, we had to have Chucky here too. Fuck! This just seemed to get better and better. All we need now is Jigsaw, Freddy and the damn Loch Ness Monster, and we can do the fucking Monster Mash.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and I pulled Dean and Cas out of harm’s way just as a large axe came flying at us from behind. We had been so busy trying to hide and stay in contact with the others, that we forgot to watch the dicks near us. We rolled and came up in defensive position just in time to face off against the very shit heads we were hiding from. The five had now become seven, and we were now fully surrounded and cut off from each other. I tried to warn the others, but Chucky somehow managed to shoot waves of pain through my skull, it felt like it was being driven over by a steam roller.

“Y/N!” Dean tried to get to me, but his path was blocked by Myers and Ghostface. Cas took out his angel blade and prepared to square off against Freddy and Jason. Dean retrieved his demon blade from his belt, preparing for the fight of his life. I was in a ball on the ground in a fight of my own, as my brain screamed at me. Chucky’s grip was strong, too strong, and I couldn’t move to save my own ass.

The Goonies funfest was interrupted by Jack, who sent all of them flying far from us. He was joined by Sam and Mary, who helped me up at Dean came rushing to my side.

“Sweetheart, baby girl, say something, please.” He pleaded, his voice etched with worry.

Everything sounded so far away, but I managed a whisper. “I’m ok Dean, I just need a minute.”

Cas spoke up. “Might I suggest we find someplace more hidden for your rest?” He gestured toward our adversaries who were already re-grouping and coming back for round two. We all agreed and took off down the road as fast as we could, with Castiel carrying me. I was way too disoriented from the mental attack earlier. We broke into a hardware store and barred the door with anything and everything we could find. We hid and waited, hoping they wouldn’t find us. Dean held me close, and for the first time, in all the years I’d known my husband, I felt fear from him.

I reached my hand to his cheek and reached up to place a kiss there. Then that sinking danger feeling came back as movement caught our attention in the dark. We all grabbed weapons and stood back to back, watching every angle, as creatures slowly advanced toward us. Dean grabbed my hand while we waited, perhaps to comfort me, perhaps for his own comfort, or maybe both. With chilling apprehension, we watched vengeful spirits, lycans and vamps we’d killed in the past, encircled our group, joined by the movie monsters.

“I love you Dean.” I whispered as the headache from before returned with a vengeance, and now plagued Cas and Jack as well. We all held hands, all six of us, and prepared to go down fighting…

“Y/N! Y/N! C’mon, damn it, wake up baby girl, stay with me! Fight it, fight with everything you’ve got! I need you, our beautiful baby boy needs you, we all need you!” Dean was holding my hand, pleading for me to wake up? What the hell?

Chucky must have been playing with my mind, part of his torture I guess. Dean was right here beside me, we’re still surrounded, and Jack’s power isn’t working. I can’t get my body to do anything, like I’m being held down by an unseen force…

Jack’s voice rang inside my head. “Come back to us Y/N. You need to fight her! Wake up! Follow our voices back and we can defeat her together. I don’t want you or your unborn child to die!”

I looked to the young nephlim beside me, also being tortured by the wooden puppet. He didn’t even glance my way. What the fuck was going on? Wait a sec, both voices said something about a baby? I look down at my flat abdomen, and for one brief second, I saw a rounded belly, and a lot of blood pooling at my feet. Then, as quick as it came, it vanished. The pain in my head got worse, like someone had put my brain on a busy highway and it was now being driven over by 100 semi’s simultaneously. Then the most excruciating pain I’d ever experienced ripped through my abdominal cavity. What the…was that a contraction?

“We’re losing her!” Dean’s panic rose. He turned to Jack and Cas. “Send me into her mind. I’ll get her out! We’ve got to try something!” They nodded, knowing that it was pointless to argue with Dean when my well-being was involved. Dean lay on the bed beside my pale body, racked with sweat and blood, and closed his eyes.

Mary waited at the end of the bed, ready to catch the baby. She looked over at Rowena, who was working desperately to undo the nightmare curse. “She’d better not die, or I’ll kill you myself Rowena. Dean won’t even get the chance.”

Cas came to stand by Dean. “Remember, if you die in the dream, you will die out here. It is a dream world, which means it can be controlled, but you still need to be careful, since it was conjured by that evil witch-demon. Keep the mindset that it is a dream, you can be anything, do anything, as long as you believe that nothing can hurt you. Find Y/N, the real one, and convince her you’re real, and she needs to wake herself up. I can keep you connected for about an hour before the baby’s health rapidly begins to deteriorate. Jack will be the beacon between here and there, and will guide you to where your wife is, but it will be up to you to get her out.”

Dean glanced over at Rowena, who rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I kin. I’ll have ye all know that Y/N is one of the few who treats me like a regular person. I consider her a friend and want her well as much as ye all do.” Her words were sincere for once, no hidden agendas, and Dean nodded, mentally preparing himself for the journey ahead.

Cas’s eyes became white as he touched Dean’s forehead, then touched mine. Jack then did the same to act as my husband’s guide inside the nightmare. Sam stood by Mary and said, “Bring her home man. And you come back too, alive.”

Dean nodded as his eyes closed, his fingers still laced with mine, as he travels inside the dark horror that is my supposed reality. He stands in the street intersection where the dream us first encountered the gore team. Jack appeared briefly to inform Dean of my whereabouts.

“She’s in a building about five blocks from here, to the east. It’s a hardware store.” Jack pointed toward the place where we had run to. “Be careful though, whatever is here…it’s evil and it wants Y/N dead.”

Dean smiled. “Thanks kid.  She’s not dying today, not on my watch. I’ll bring her home.” Then he took off down the street toward my location.

Meanwhile, I was completely immobilized between the pain in my head and the pain in my stomach. The gruesomes were all standing there, making sure all of us were trapped and forcing our loved ones to watch Cas, Jack and I slowly perish. We were the ones that had the power, I guess that made us more of a threat.

It was a shift in the air that caught my attention, breaking the hold on my power and my mind long enough to throw Chucky across the room, thereby freeing Jack and Cas. The masked groupies had also noticed the change, their focus no longer on us. Their mistake. Then I heard my name, and it sounded like Dean’s voice, but that couldn’t be…he was still here beside me. But I heard it again, closer this time. With the masks distracted, I moved and slowly made my way to the window. Sure enough, Dean was there, except he was dressed like Rambo and Terminator had a kid.

Dean the Rambo-inator stopped short as he came face to face with the dickheads. “Y/N, if you can hear me sweetheart, you need to wake up. This,” he gestured toward the town and the creatures, “none of this is real. You were hexed by that bitch witch-demon so that you couldn’t defeat her. It caused your labour to start a week early. Please, baby,” his voice faltered, “I need you to live, and our son needs his momma.”

There it was again, the baby reference. Then the abdominal pain started again, more intense this time. Contractions! Shit! I’ve been in a dream world this entire time. I looked down at my stomach again, now swollen and blood everywhere. Memories, real ones, surfaced. The witch, the baby, the hex…another contraction shot through my whole body, and I crumpled.

“Dean!” I cried as the pain took my breath away. One by one the villains and the imaginary town vanished, all except that stupid fucking wooden pest. Holy shit! The witch was the possessed toy!

“Dean, Chucky is the witch! Kill the doll and you kill her!” I shouted.

Dean’s imagination produced a large steel baseball bat with metal spikes all over. His body was now covered in warded armor. He gestured, mocking the bitch, “Bring it!”

The doll grew to match Dean’s size and strength. “Sure thing Rambo.” He lunged at Dean, knocking him off balance. He fell backwards but caught himself mid-fall using magic of all things. My eyes nearly popped out of my head as I witnessed the act. Dean’s ever-present fun side surprised me yet again as he now took the persona of Dr. Strange, and all the ancient magic that came with it.

“Eat shit, bitch!” he yelled as he lashed out a powerful energy whip, hitting Chucky with a wood-shattering crash. The witch screamed as the puppet disintegrated, leaving nothing but dust. Dean ran over to me as he changed back, picking me up and carrying me back to the street intersection where Jack waited to pull us out.

We all came back just as another contraction hit, my screams reverberated through the bunker as Mary held her hands out. “Push!” she commanded me as her voice broke into my thoughts, and with Dean behind me I crunched forward, pushing with everything I had. “Again!” she yelled, and I did, past the pain and trauma, to the life begging for it’s first breath. As I collapsed my head onto Dean’s lap, a soft cry filled our ears. Jack washed the tiny infant and brought him over to us. As we marveled at the miracle in my arms, contractions started again.

“What the hell is happening? I know there was only one baby. Cas?”

Cas placed a hand on my abdomen. He frowned. “There is indeed a second child.”

All of us stared in shock at the angel’s words, then another wave of pain brought us back to the current issue, and everyone was scrambling for more supplies. Mary stood ready as the head crowned, then a horrified expression crossed her face before a knife lashed out, slitting her carotid and sending her to the floor. Jack attempted to intervene but Chucky swung a large sword, decapitating the nephlim in one clean stroke. Then without missing a beat, the doll cut off the heads of Cas and Rowena. Blood spray was everywhere, decorating walls and bedding.

Sam became the doll’s next victim as he tried to exorcise the possessed toy. His screams filled the room as his body was literally ripped apart, piece by piece. Dean stood to face the doll, grabbing a chair and swinging it at Chucky. He managed to catch the toy off guard for a moment, but his victory was short-lived the puppet threw Dean against the wall hard, shattering his spine with a sickening crunch. My husband tried to work past the pain and stand up, mouthing the words “I love you.” to me as Chucky split his skull in two with an axe, grey matter everywhere.

It was my turn to scream a I scrambled off the bed, my newborn tucked safely in my arms. “Stay away you bitch.” I snarled.

The Chucky-witch laughed, flinging me against the wall and snatching my child from me, dangling him just out of my reach, like a dog with a bone. “I swear, if you harm that baby I will make sure I haunt your ass across this plane and the next, and I will make it my mission to make sure you die painfully.” My words were laced with venom as I stared at her.

Chucky just smiled and snapped his fingers…

“Fuck Y/N! Wake up!” Dean’s panicked voice broke through the final barrier of the nightmare, and my eyes opened. The jackhammer in my head was going strong as I tried to focus. That’s when I noticed the abdominal discomfort. My pupils went dark with anger as my memories came flooding back in full.

“The baby…!” I cried.

“Is fine Y/N. You and Dean have a beautiful baby boy.” Jack beamed as he walked over to me, gently placing a small but feisty bundle into my arms.

I looked over at Dean, who’ grin was wider than the chesire cat. I wrinkled my nose at him. “You named him already, didn’t you.”

It was a statement more than a question. Without missing a beat he said, “Yep, and it’s a good one Y/N, don’t you worry. We were calling him Daisy, weren’t we?” He roared with laughter as I slapped his arm. “I’m joking sweetheart, honest. How about Jackson Dean Winchester?”

My eyes darted over to Jack, who was exceptionally happy with that choice. But I had one question left, and I scanned the room for the one person who could verify the answer for me. “Rowena, thank you for helping me get back. Is she gone now?”

Rowena nodded. “She won’t be comin’ back any time soon Y/N. The headaches should be gone by tomorrow.”

I smiled a thank you to my friend and then I held Jackson close, snuggled into Dean’s arms, and relaxed.

[sam-lives-story]

#SamLives - Chapter 5

“The Livestre҉a̲͉m”

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Also find the latest chapters of this story on [Archive Of Our Own]

‘Hi Jack! I wanted to know if you’ll have Sam in another video? He’s so cute!’

‘Hey there Jack, i’ve been watching your channel for a while and I wanted to say thank you for always making me smile. And by the way are you okay? You look really tired. Is Anti trying to take over again? xD’

‘Jack! Bro! Hi-five! *Wha-psh!* You’re so funny!!! I love your videos and I really like all the stuff you do with the egos. Is Schneep coming back? What about Chase? Does Sam count as an ego? I wanna see him again. He’s definitely real right?’

‘Is Sam real??? :0′

‘Holy shit #SamLives omfg’

‘You okay jack? You look really tired in your videos. Don’t forget to take care of yourself! You take care of us all the time, Maybe it’s our turn to take care of you! Get some rest and don’t worry about missing an upload. We’ll understand! <3’

‘Dude are you dropping hints again? Is Anti gonna show up again? I’m so scared! x3′

Jack was sitting hunched over in his desk chair, scrolling through his asks on Tumblr with a slightly strained look on his face. It was becoming harder and harder to find ones he could answer without either lying or giving away hints about his future plans for the egos. He groaned and let his phone fall to the carpet, his head dropping to his desk with a quiet ‘thunk’. He really didn’t feel up to recording today.

It had been three days since his call with Mark and the other YouTuber had been evasive any time Jack tried to question him about what he’d been talking about. And since that call, Jack’s paranoia had only gotten worse. Four more recordings had shown hints of Anti in the background, and it made him scared to try and record another one when that glitch could be watching him, creeping up on him while he was fully immersed in a game. He had been editing out the glitches before passing his recordings on to Robin, had tried to cut out the parts where Anti had shown up and blamed the missing sections on “camera issues, don’t worry about it”. No need to worry Robin if it turned out to be nothing but paranoia. Jack didn’t want to be leaving clues where they didn’t exist, especially since he already had plans for the upcoming month. Anti showing up prematurely would ruin things.

...then there was the fact that oh my god Anti is real what the hell is going on. Because now, Jack was sure it wasn’t just him and Robin that had seen Anti. It wasn’t just his own caffeine-driven delirium or Robin playing a prank. No, the entire community was talking about it...which meant it really did happen. Anti really was showing up. Which made this entire situation that much more terrifying. Not only was he scared that people knew Sam was real...he was getting scared because everybody else thought Anti wasn’t.

The buzz of his phone between his feet made him jump, heart pounding, and it took him a moment to catch his breath. Jesus...he panted softly, clutching at his chest, closing his eyes for a moment. It was nothing. Just his phone. Just...a text, or something. He picked it up, read Robin’s message, and groaned.

Robin: Having issues with the second upload today. Might have to stream instead. Is that okay?

Jack pressed his phone to his forehead, eyes squeezed shut, thinking. If he started a stream, and something happened live, he wouldn’t be able to cut it out. He wouldn’t be able to hide it. If he was streaming, people would see his exhaustion seeping through between his cheerful humor and energy.

Maybe he could wear makeup?

...not the worst plan

But that still left Anti...

With a huff, Jack sat back in his chair and typed back a reluctant message.

Jack: Yeah...yeah, I can stream. Jack: Keep an emergency contact on speed-dial just in case. Robin: Why? Expecting a break-in? You haven’t been playing The Game have you? That shit makes good nightmare fuel Robin: I doubt anything bad will happen lol...but sure, whatever you say.

Jack let his eyes close again and he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Another message.

Robin: So should the emergency contact be Felix, or PJ, or should I just start screaming “HEY MA” if something goes wrong?

Jack threw his phone across the room.

"NO! SCREW YOU KALE-POP-08!”

An hour into the stream, and those who were watching were all laughing as he died, yet again, in Fortnite. Not that he was really mad at all. He chuckled along with the rest of them, groaning at his defeat, flopping over in his chair.

“Jackieboy Man, beaten again! How could this happen to me?” He took a deep breath, singing at the top of his lungs: “How could this happen to meeee? I’ve made my mistaaaakes–”

The chat responded by spamming the lyrics, to which Jack let out a chuckle.

“Ah well...guess I’m still kinda mediocre. But hey! I finished fourth! Not bad at all.”

Jack grinned and opened his mouth to start using his “Announcer Voice™” to commentate on Kale-Pop-08′s game, when the chat suddenly switched gears. Everybody began spamming basically the same thing in all caps.

» TURN AROUND! 0.0

» LOOK BEHIND YOU!!

» BEHIND YOU!  D:

» JACK, BEHIND YOU!!!

All the color drained from Jack’s face and he spun in his seat, head whipping over his shoulder - and he let out a strangled sound, his eyes flying wide. There, in the corner, was a dark shadow. A distortion in the air. A glitch. And Jack knew full well what it was. Anti. In the real world. Right behind him. This was the first time he had actually managed to spot the digital demon outside of replays of his own recordings...and he didn’t have a fucking clue how to handle it.

“No!” he shouted, running on autopilot, his chair falling out from beneath him and his headphones tumbling from his head. He scrambled to his feet, backing up against the desk, as far back from Anti as he could possibly get. “N-No! Stay back! Don’t...d-don’t touch me! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!”

His tone was turning desperate and scared and the stream was all but forgotten, panic blinding him in the moment. The darkness warped, morphed, a pair of brilliant green eyes staring at him from the shadows. A glitching, distorted, high-pitched version of his own laugh echoed back at him and he shuddered, a chill running down his spine.

“B-Back off, Anti!” he snapped, his bravado fading fast. Then before he knew what was happening there was a hand gripping the front of his shirt and pitch-black eyes boring into his own.

“E͙ṅjͩo͆y̑iͭnͨg͛ o̠u᷈r͌ l᷉i᷅t̋tͣl̈e̘ g͡a̓m᷊e͘,̓ a᷄r̫é y̲o̒ū̦̩?͕”

The voice sounded so like his own, but at the same time - so different. Darker. Distorted. Broken. He barely had time to register what was happening before he found himself being yanked backward away from the desk, tumbling across the floor with a cry of shock. Jack dragged himself to his feet, trying to get out, get away - then his back was slammed against the wall and there was a hand at his throat.

“I͆'̾m̦ a᷉ ḷĭṫtͤl͙e̡ dͨi̇s̢a͞p̣pͪo̺ịn̤tͪe͐d͗ t͓h̓o͡u̪gh,” Anti sneered, grinning wickedly. “Tͩh̎ọu̢g̤h̤t͊ y͋o̮u͠'̭d͖ a̓t̛ l̇e̬aͧs̽tͤ lͣeͪt̏ t̫h̓e̎ w᷇o͊r̮l͏d̊ s̪e᷀e̐ m͜e͍.͗.̬.̏b̓u̗tͪ n͌o̩,͑ y̢o͒u᷇ h̔idͥ m̻e᷇ ăw͋a᷆y̠ l̕ḭk͡e ä́ di̓rͤty l͇ỉtͭt̰l̃e͙ s̜ȅcͪr᷉e᷈t̀.”

Jack clawed at the hand around his throat, but he couldn’t get a grip on it. It wasn’t fully solid. Trying to grab Anti’s hand was like trying to dig through a bin of tiny, static-charged Lego’s.

“H̾o͐w̎ m̿a̴n̒y̾ v̢i͂dͧe͖o̤s͖ dͪi̪d̐ Iͤ s͌h̖o͗w͠ ṳp͎ i͛n̉?̄ H̽oͨwͯ ma̾n̬y o͠f͎ t᷀h͘e̥m̶ d͙i̟ḑ y̩o᷈ủ c̬u͈t͎ m͋e͝ oͤu̼tͨ oͯf̗?͛”

Anti shook him roughly, clutching at Jack’s neck so tightly he found himself gasping, choking, trying to catch his breath. Anti turned away from Jack slightly, eyes landing on the computer across the room, the stream that was still going on...and he grinned, a wicked, sharp, dangerous grin.

“W̧e͒lͅl̔ y̡oͫư c̦aͫn̟'̯t͏ ću̸t̞ m͝eͫ o͎u̿t͙ o̩f̄ tͭh̭i͙s̓ o̡n̻e. Ťh̍ȇŷ c̯a̸n̄ s̐e͓e̒ mͣe̽ nͮoͯw̔,᷉ c̱a̬nͣ'͍t̙ t͂h͆eͦỷ?̪ B̜u̕t̙ i̱ť l̴ōôk̦s᷅ l͂i̐ke͍ t͌ḧ́e͕y͡ m̳i᷈g̬h̹t̓ hͤa͂v̖e̕ bͤȇe᷄n᷉ t̤ỏo̽ lͫa̘t̵e᷆.̍” He tilted his head to the side, his image glitching and delayed, the action looking far from human...and the laugh that left him was even less so. “Yͧo̿uͯ'ͣr̕e᷀ p̵a͔yͣi̜n̪g̓ a̤t̲t͞e̽n̼t͆ĩo̢n̬ nͫO͐w̋ A̕řE͘n̓'̈́T̛ y̎O᷉Ǘ?̟!͌?͌”

Jack was struggling, fighting, trying to get air, little spots appearing in his vision–

“Leave him alone!”

A small but brave voice came to life in Jack’s head...and apparently, Anti heard him too, because the glitch flinched and took a step back. Not enough to let go of Jack, but enough to let him have some air. Anti’s grin faded and he looked...oddly tense, as far as Jack could tell from his spinning vision. He coughed, tried to warn Sam, tried to get him to leave.

“S̮t͈a̙y o͈u̪t͗ o͛f͎ t͇h͠i᷉s͆,ͨ S̥a̼m͝.ͦ”

“No! You stay out of it! L-Leave Jack alone! ...please?”

Jack couldn’t see Sam, didn’t know where he was, only knew he was somewhere on the ground, and the thought of him being involved in this at all...it terrified him, more than being alone in the room with Anti. He struggled harder against Anti’s hold. He had to get away, had to...had to keep Sam safe...had to protect...

“...I̛ w͞a᷉s᷄ g͋e͇t̖t̾i̗n' b̎o͡r͘e̴dͤ a̴nͩy͉w᷁a͔y͐.”

And much to Jack’s shock and relief, Anti glitched and distorted, disappearing and reappearing across the room, still in the camera’s view but out of Jack’s reach. Jack let out a hoarse, strangled gasp and crumpled to the ground, coughing, trying to breath, clutching at his throat as though he couldn’t believe he was still alive.

He really, honestly, couldn’t.

Anti let out a dramatic, glitching sigh.

“S͐'͎p̀p̭o̲s͝e̾ I̾'͔l̂lͮ h̒âvͧe̦ ṭa͎ sͥa͓v͈e͈ t̔h᷇e͇ f᷀u̯n̲ u̮n̥t̜i͏l̈́ n͢e᷆x̐t᷉ ṫỉmͥe͑,ͪ J̱a᷁c̹ǩa̱b̘o᷄yͨ~”

The glitch shot one last, giggling grin at the camera, the vanished with a flurry of distorted pixels.

“...Jack? J-Jack, are you okay?”

Jack nodded mutely, still struggling to find his breath, to find his voice.

‘Yeah. Thanks Sam. I think you might have saved my life.’

Sam preened at the words, his worries fading away in favor of a few happy squeaks and a little cuddling against Jack’s leg. Jack smiled softly. He raised his head, eyes locking on the computer, on the desk. The stream.

Oh, fuck, the stream–

Jack scrambled to his feet, scooping Sam up as he went and tucking him in his hoodie pocket, careful to keep him out of sight of the camera. He stumbled over to the desk and dragged his chair back to where it was supposed to be, dropping into it and staring into the lens. He opened his mouth - and he couldn’t think of what to say. His entire body was still pulsing with terror, his hands shaking horribly and his eyes twitching nervously as though he was sure Anti was still hiding in the corners of the room. Jack, for once in his life, was utterly speechless.

He had almost been killed.

He had almost died.

If Sam hadn’t been there, he was certain he would have.

And suddenly it was like everything came collapsing down on him at once, the adrenaline wearing off and giving way to the shock and the fear and the overwhelming emotions that accompanied a near-death experience. He shuddered and buried his face in his hands, knowing full well he was being watching, knowing full well that thousands of people were witnessing his breakdown.

“...s-sorry,” he finally managed. The word was mangled and hoarse and came out a little wheezy. “Sorry you...s-saw...fuckin’ hell...”

It was with a shaking breath and shaking shoulders that he forced himself to look up at the screen, his eyes seeking out the livestream chat.

» Holy shit did you see that?!

» Guys I don’t think that was fake, look at Jack

» Dude Jack are you okay?!?

» That looked real. Holy fuck how did they make it look so real????

» Look at him, he looks so scared

» Ohmygod Jack! Are you okay?

» That was some amazing editing, holy shit I’m dying

» JACK! TALK TO US! PLEASE LET US KNOW YOU’RE OKAY!

» He looks absolutely terrified, I don’t think he’s faking it, I think that really happened

» Guys look at the marks on his neck

» OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST SAW THAT HOW DID HE DO THAT WHAT THE FUCK

» Jack? Are you alright? Please say you’re alright, I’m so worried about you!

Jack took a breath, then another, a half-hearted, shaking smile making its way onto his features.

“I’m alright,” he assured them, knowing he sounded like hell and knowing it was half a lie. “Jus’...just a little shaken, is all. I’ll be–” He broke off with a cough, wincing. “...I’ll be f-fine. Just need ta rest fer awhile. I dunno if I’ll be able to scream for ya for a few days. Heh...”

He tried to lighten the mood with a joke, and while it seemed to calm some of the chat, knowing he could still be humorous after that, many were still worried.

“...I’m...I’m gonna end the stream here, I think. Sorry for cuttin’ it short.”

And after a quick, and much quieter, goodbye, Jack turned off his camera. He sank back into his seat, eyes closed, and dragged both shaking hands down his face. What...what the hell was he supposed to do now...? Sam made a quiet questioning noise from his pocket and his breath caught, pulse skyrocketing. Sam...Sam could’ve gotten hurt. He, Jack, could have died, and–

–and suddenly he was out of his seat, staggering from the room and finding his way to the bathroom, turning on the faucet. It took him almost three tries to do it, his other hand clutching the basin like his life depending on it. Then he was splashing water in his face. Trying not to throw up. Trying to calm himself down. Because if anything was going to prove to him that Anti was real, what had happened tonight certainly did it.

Jack didn’t even bother eating dinner or changing into pajamas. It took everything he had to make it to his bedroom, and once he was there he curled up, shaking beneath the covers, his phone flung to the other side of the room, Sam curled up against his chest. He couldn’t even trust technology anymore. Anti had only ever shown up in videos. He had only ever shown up while Jack was at his computer. And, perhaps, during that phone call with Mark where his perfectly-unbroken phone had shocked him. So despite the buzzing he could hear across the room, despite the number of times he saw the screen light up, no way in hell was he going to answer it. He wasn’t going to risk it.

Jack ignored it, and he ignored the rest of the world...and now, here, alone in the dark with Sam as his company, he finally let himself break. A strangled sob broke free from his damaged throat and he cried, actually openly cried, for the first time in a very, very long time.

[A/N] ...sorry? ^^;

Also find the latest chapters of this story on [Archive Of Our Own]

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