#also sorry to that blog if you dont want ppl to use it i thought it was really funny

[samdyke]

filled out @jesus-allegory-bingo for sam do we agree with this chart or do we need revisions (version 2)

[t4tails]

i know its an older post but irt that incest post sometimes i feel like ppl just dont and cannot get it until it happens to them. i couldnt even comprehend it as a possibility until i was 14 staying at my uncles house for a while and i still cant comprehend it as a thing that happened to me sometimes. i think its bc ppl feel security with their families in that sense— even if theyre abused in other ways, its like, “well, i know them and they’d still never do THAT.”

perhaps its bc we are still not educated about the dangers of incest as children. ever. we are taught stranger danger. we’re taught what inappropriate touch is. and when we’re a little older we’re taught to recognize grooming behaviors, but we’re never taught about what its like when it comes from family members— and what’s more we’re taught to assume the best from family members, to think of them as the exception to inappropriate touch or behaviors, when they DO make us uncomfortable instead of recognizing those behaviors as red flags. then one day it becomes too late, like it did with me. and maybe that contributes to the idea that its a non-possibility in some people, that it only happens in fiction.

the most i’ve ever seen presented to children as a red flag irt incest is the idea of a mother’s boyfriend or a stepparent acting inappropriately, but that still comes from the angle of “you havent known them for as long so this means they could also be a predator.”

we still don’t fully address what the commonly cited statistic “most sexual abuse comes from someone the survivor knows” MEANS. its not just friends. not just partners. its your family, too. its people you’ve known all your life.

but ultimately— i’m finally making my point i promise— the reason we dont address those things is because the idea that children should be able to turn to their community when their family fails them is too controversial, and not just among families that support incestuous abuse. “if my child knows they can confide in a teacher/neighbor about anything, they might become rebellious. god forbid somebody other than me contributes to my child’s development!”

people prefer the heightened possibility of their child being subjected to incestuous abuse over their child having any semblance of autonomy.

sorry for the long ask i’d usually post this to my blog but this is not something i’d be okay publicly speaking about.

hi sorry this took a bit to answer that post IS from a while ago and i wasnt sure how to respond, because i have fortunately never experienced that type of abuse myself and dont have much to add beyond agreement. i didnt want to just leave this in my inbox though since its clear you put a lot of thought into it.

i think a lot of the opportunities for incestuous abuse stem from the traditional family structure not actually prioritizing protection or comfort, but control that feels threatened every time somebody tries to bring it up. nobody wants to actually prevent it because that would mean acknowledging family as a potential threat, as well as breaking down the ways the controlling of sex and ownership by said family is already normalized in culture (ex. fathers vigorously defending their daughters virginity, etc). this is all why imo discussions on this should go hand in hand with childrens rights and body autonomy, but even in these discussions its rare to see it actually brought up

its really something that needs to be talked about more, but people struggle to see past "alabama" jokes and fauxcest porn

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

hi, sorry if this isnt a good blog to send this to i just dont know where to turn atm (if this isnt a good blog to ask for help plz lmk where would be better, soz). im 22 and figuring out im sapphic & im trying to join online lesbian spaces but everyone seems so anti-babydyke and im starting to notice that being a lesbian is more about discourse and infighting than it is about wanting to kiss a lady. i thought it was about kissin ladies and thats what i want but how do i make other lesbians not hate me? i feel like all of the other lesbians expect me to have a PhD in lesbianism before i call myself that, before i consider a femme attractive, its like i have to pass thru all these hoops to prove myself even to other queers that im a real lesbian because i can name every lesbian historical figure. again super sorry if this is a bad blog to send this to i do not have a clue who to ask about this or anything im totally lost rn lol (genuinely sorry for literally being that annoying baby dyke ppl complain about rn. ignore me if you want im not gonna be tilted. thx for listening

This isn’t a bad blog to send this too. I’m just genuinely sorry you are going through this and I’m sorry if I don’t have a way to help. But I’ll try my best!! And maybe some more people in the comments will be able to help in ways I can’t.

But just know I’m sending you lots of love and that there isn’t anything wrong with you. At the end of the day, regardless of whatever else is happening, your sexuality really is just simply who you are attracted to. And that’s okay. You are enough ♥️♥️

(I’m also going into this assuming you are at least 18+, so I apologise if I’m wrong on that )

Firstly , you aren’t just seeing things. There is definitely a lot of infighting in the community. Like a lot. I would say it’s typically more intense and in your face online then it is IRL, but I’ve also seen IRL gay groups go really deep off the end with with this stuff.

From what I have read and from people I have talked to, this has sadly sort of always been a thing. We just have different waves of it and different things it might be focused on based on the time period and the world events affecting that at the time. I think in general it’s a very human thing that allllll groups do, but when you are in a marginalised, oppressed and small group of people it can feel a whole lot more concentrated and obvious because there is less room for it to go.

Again, this is just based on conversations I’ve had and things I’ve read, so take it with a grain of salt. But there has also been misunderstandings, disagreements and different beliefs on what things are , what they mean and who should do what in the community. Ranging from politics to fashion to marriage to sex to identities around butch/femme and what it means. For one piece saying something you have another saying something different.

This can cause a lot of confusion and infighting amongst people. A lot of tension at times. And because of trauma a lot of people tend to want to be around people with similar alignments in understanding and belief.

A lot of things can affect that like age , location etc.

But none of that is a reflection of you or your worth or your sexuality. And there ARE people in the same boat as you. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

There have been waves in the past of some women using and or claiming lesbianism to be a response to sexism. We are currently living in the time after that. And because of that a lot of opinions and thoughts and actions taken place are in a response to that wave. Be it people trying to push it , denounce it , confused by it or hurt by it.

I think this has lead to some of the scaffolding of the current culture we have today.

I understand that need and drive for community and the horrible feeling that can come along when the said community feels like it is in shambles. I feel that way a lot too. And I’m sorry I can’t take that away.

I feel like I’m rambling at this point I’m sorry.

I just want to say though there is nothing you have to prove to anyone. We all figure this stuff out at our own pace. Anyone who treats you poorly for not knowing something or just genuinely not showing interest in it is on them. Your lesbianism doesn’t mean you owe anyone an opinion or a certain way of dressing or feeling. The only person you owe is yourself and that is to show kindness to yourself and be around people who respect you and love you for the wonderful lesbian that you are.

EDIT : I just re-read and you said you are 22 I’m so sorry I missed that 😩

[thatdeadaquarius]

With your language AU, I remember watching a video about a guy speaking angrily nonesense in an Indian accent and people thinking he was very angry. Imagine this as the Creator speaks angry gibberish to people and they just assume that the Creator is cursing them or something. (Or like when they speak gibberish to babies and everyone's like, "Aw the Creator is teaching that baby their divine language")

*AUDIENCE DRAMATICALLY GASPS.

✨️I look pretty good for a dead bitch✨️

She's alivveee!!!

Whats up i almost passed away from sheer academic workload, but im not in the ground yet 🥰 And with drafts outta my ass! :D

Hope yall ready for ur regularly scheduled Bullshit Genshin Sagau <3

SANDBEES THATS SUCH A GOOD USERNAME & ALSO SORRY I ANSWERED THIS SO FUCKING LATE JESUSSSSS 💀💀💀

SORRY ABT THE POLL I CANT BELIEVE I COULDNT FIGURE OUT HOW TO DELETE IT IM FUCKING CRYING I WOULD DO THIS-

Well at least i can do polls thru this in the future?? Idk tumblr is ass so we'll see how this accidental test works out...

☆

So these were the first thngs i thought of and its not super long bc ASKERS R GENIUSES OKAY

SOMTIMES I JUST WANNA PROFUSELY THANK U GUYS AS A REPLY FOR SHARING WITH THE CLASS THRU MY BLOG 💖💘💫

Saw the gif and couldnt help but think this is how ppl like Alhaitham or Diluc would react to u "speaking ur langauge"

"Our langauage" aka being a SIM 💀

◇

Stop Albedo would ask you to teach him ur lang/grammar rules 😭

What u gonna do when Zhongli asks you to teach him some words-

OH NO

NO DONT PASS ON YOUR BULLSHIT LMAO

U GIVING ZHONGLI SOME STUPID SIM WORD LIKE

Your ass: "GIGGLABAH means beautiful :) "✨️

Zhongli: "Oh thank you, how different from our own version, so excited sounding..."

You walk by him strolling the harbor and he just smiles at you and says

"You look gigglabah today my liege."

HIS REGAL FACE AND FANCY WALK WITH HIS HAND BEHIND HIS BACK AND EVERYTHING

(honestly ppl paint him as oblivious but he kinda seemed like the type of bastard who seems like he's not aware but sometimes he secretly knows the truth, he's just getting too much amusement out of it to stop doing it, LOL he does shit like the above to see YOUR reaction- LMAO)

◇

You're a maniac pls tell me u dont pass on simlish to all the serious characters-

XIAO WOULD SECRETLY THINK IT SOUNDS GOOFY BUT WANT TO BE INVOLVED BC ITS YOU ANYWAY LMAO

SO HE'S JUST SLIGHTLY SQUIRMING AND GETTIN PINK EVERYTIME HE SAYS A STUPID SIM WORD BC HE FEELS LIKE A GOOF HAHA

(& he's not the only one, others too like Kaveh, YELAN, Ningguang, Nahida, DILUC, AYAKA LMAO-)

◇

Some ppl i could see taking ur gibberish bullshittery and whether they believe its real or not is irrelevant bc theyre using it anyway-

And i dont mean in a good way 😭

LIKE IM THINKING OF VENTI.

CRAZY BARD INCLUDING SIMLISH ASS GIBBERISH WORDS IN HIS SONGS BC OF YOU

"Be cheerful like the hugkukie,

and may your cup never leaky!"

And Diluc loves you.

Really he does, deeper than he thinks-

But his eye is twitching LMAOO

◇

(Ok but if you did like multiple of these language shenanigans thruout the asks ive gotten, Kaeya would literally grow so fond of you and associate you with goofy funny shit that makes him laugh so hard that everytime he sees you he automatically is beaming with a smile, or trying to supress a warm grin- this got away from me but its 1:44am for me rn so i would love a smiley Kaeya rn -)

♡

Speaking language bs I have my 2nd oral exam for spanish tomorrow, pls send whatever good vibes u got and i am also really open to prayers from any religion as well. sobs

Hope anyone got any enjoyment out of my response bc tbh the ask is what rlly matters to me atp lmao

Until the next shenanigan-

Safe travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds mwah ♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[earlysunshines]

im not saying you have to like g!p or be attracted to penises thats up to you it doesnt really concern anyone but u but my point is was trying to get across was be careful how you word it i dont know if you wanted ur blog to be a safe space for all girls but if u did just word ur opinions with more thought

hi i saw your ask and id just like to say that i am terrible at wording things if it's not a fic. i'm rly sorry if it troubled you mentally, my opinions and all, really. my blog IS safe for all girls. i do noooottt correlate gender w genatalia, i've stated this before but gender is really a social construct in my eyes and if it came out as differently than that i really do apologize, i liitterally suck with wording things like this oops

if it really upsets you, what i've said and all with thinking that dicks are gross, then you can of course just block me and whatnot because it's my opinion and i really hope this doesn't sound mean or anyhting but i wouldn't want you on my page if my opinion on this harms you and elicits gender dysmorphia. i truly am sorry, but also i mainly hate excessively because the whole gp thing is mainly used for like excessive sexualization and whatnot

okay so im also hating on literal fan attached dicks too like i’m not hating on real ppl not necessarily 😭😭 like i don’t see gp reader usually so like?? putting a dick on a girl doesn’t make her a man it’s the fact that putting a dick on a girl to feel sexually satisfied that irks me

alllllssoo all the hate is purely because i am disgusted by dicks and that is lit my personal opinion and i hate on things excessively if i don’t like it — this doesn’t just apply to dicks like i hate on things such as literal songs much more than this too😭😭 TRUST like that's just me personally and im very verbal about it but this is just me seriously like

but seriosuly i’m SO so sorry if it offended u personally

[ghxst-system]

this post scheduled

is written during an episode and connot confirm will be coherent

lets talk about thw post abt octocon

concern came from place of paranoia and anxiety as program and ramcoa system

but being honest the thoughts mainly stemmed from issues had recently with person who has made my paranoia get to point of barely being able use tumblr.

dont want explain fully but person destroyed ability to trust anyone on tumblr and feel unsafe engaging with ppl who previoisly trusted. that person has platform on here and is running a blog for large amount of sysblr so have not felt safe with any social media use recently.

as said all over profile have bad communication and mentally am younger than appear and feel confused and unable to really engage qith stuff around octocon

was working off of info that was incomplete and couldnt understand. had both sides explain to me but believe my safety concern still valid

had 0 reasaurance from app when testing that would be safe for ramcoa and program systems and most platform never safe. felt overlooked and ignored and believed data put at risk by bot.

have had more info from atlas that explains some things but still stand by this app not feeling safe for **me** specifically. if other ramcoa systems feel same that may be bigger issue that needs addressed.

right now am in active mh episode. any people who come to blog through that op wont be engaging on this post.

op staying up for now so people know where go for update and sorry for any "fearmonger"? dont understand how being afraid is fearmonger and apologise still

this post be linked in op but still no engage for safety rn

i am not giving excuses for any harm done. am giving reason. pls forgive poor phrasing im disabled.

want also give quote that help words:

"@/atlas-oc You may not, but pluralkit is not a safe discord bot to import to from simply plural. For many HC DID systems, it is not safe for the names of alters to be public, which they are if you use pluralkit. That is what ghxst is saying. Please listen to programmed systems with their anxiety concerns, and not twist what they are saying."

from comment under op

[dominic-sessa]

life update!!!!

hi hello friends good morning good afternoon good evening its that time of the month again! this isnt really a big life update like the last time bcs i just thought id list down a bunch of things ive had on my mind.

first of all, im very happy to announce that i was able to watch 16 movies last march !! exciting!! i know ive said the last time that i quit the bingewatching thing but HONESTLY im in a work from home setup and the only way to keep me inspired is by watching a movie ... i am yet to find other ways to stay inspired so watching movies will just do for now... ALSO im gonna try to update my newsletter for the first time this year and itll probably be about the movies that i saw this march that i liked ! im now comfortable with turning the newsletter to be more about movies bcs nothing major has been happening in my life lol . so pls stay tuned for that newsletter post if ur interested!

another thing is ive decided to make this blog more personal! for the past year ive made this blog to be more about movies and gifs and stuff, and as much as i love getting the notes and reading ppl's tags, im going to try and make this blog work for me this time :) hope it doesnt get annoying or something... im also in the process of fixing my about pages and tags and all. ive used tumblr since 2012 so im still struggling with the setup. LIKE yes i want to maximize the fact that you can edit html pages and its cute and lets me be creative but at the same time, im on my phone majority of the time . and i dont like being on my laptop after work because ive literally just been using a laptop the whole day. for work. im rly shy to post some stuff about me (bcs i havent done it before fr insert the tom hanks dialogue from joe vs the volcano abt doing some soul searching and coming to the conclusion that hes just boring so he stops doing it) so if u see me doing it as an attempt to fix the personal pages on my blog, im sorry! AAAND as for the gifs thing, im thinking of changing my film diary tag, one thing i really enjoy is taking note of dialogues i love from a movie so i might just do screenshots. i really miss making gifs even though most of the gifs i end up with are LQ , but it just really isnt feasible now . (also some movies are just so tempting to gif LIKEEE valley girl and everytime we say goodbye 😭😭 it physically hurts me that i cant gif josh whitehouse and tom hanks in those movies....)

ALSO im really very very happy that ive gained new followers recently. i enjoy chatting with you guys and get so happy whenever i get the notif that someone sent me an ask/message!! ive been idle on stan twt/fandoms in general so its been a really long time since ive actually... talked to people... it makes me really happy talking to u and im sorry if my happiness doesnt show in my replies/posts. as i said, its been a while since ive done this and i usually go on here as soon as im off work (when my brain is semi-fried and the words are not wording anymore) . i hope i dont come across as bored/uninterested :(

and it isnt just about fandoms too, im genuinely insterested what u guys are up to lately and all... (in a non stalker way). it just feels nice to have friends in general ^__^

SO YEA, i think thats about it :) if u've read this all until here ilysm! thanks for ur interest and lmk how ur day was! or just send me something u want to talk about !

have a nice day :)

[angelthingy]

intro~

layout by @/pink-sugar , matching with my beloved @genderwip <3

abt me!!: she/her, they/them is okay too but not preferred c: im aro-acespec and pan, infp, and i enjoy music (my fave!!) and psychology!! im also very passionate talking about mental health and interested in queer related discussions ^-^ also @genderwip 's wife <3

abt my blog!!: i reblog basically anything i find interesting or cool, and i umm. do NOT tag anything consistently sorry- the tags will usually just be my immediate thoughts on it which might mean a lot of #DHKJSHFKJDSGFHKSAH which probably isnt useful to search for!!! ill try to tag anything with potential triggers, and if i dont please send me an ask and ill start tagging those posts - usually i wont reblog those kinda stuff much anyway though! i might talk about some personal things sometimes, and ill tag vents with #vent , #mini vent , or #not a vent (adding this in case u wanna avoid generally negative posts that might read as a vent - even if they arent meant to be one). ill also post my completely random thoughts sometimes, or some game clips (mostly celeste), or even some music and artwork that i did :D

i don’t really like the use of tme/tma and agab (when they aren’t necessary - sometimes they are though and that’s totally valid!!!) as i feel like it just divides the trans community more than helping it because experiences are very complex and putting them into these kinds of boxes is just .,,, unhelpful. i also really dislike people who claim that transandrophobia isnt a thing!! just say u hate transmascs and leave because i do not want u here!! or please learn and grow as a person and unlearn ideas that are hurtful to others, thanks :D talk to ppl outside your perspective and you may find that what you thought was morally correct was mistaken- and there's genuinely no shame in admitting that!! with that being said i am of course also open to considering other perspectives as long as they're reasonable ^-^

[natashasbitxh]

this is gonna be long, but,

i used to be into youtube fandoms alot but the only ones ive retained are dan and phil and smosh. i was big on phan but i fell out of it years ago, i still like them but im more of a causal viewer than a rabid racoon frothing at the mouth every time some content drops.

(and also realised, as im no longer a teenager anymore, how shipping real people together is tricky and there are boundaries you dont cross and should be handled a particular way)

smosh ships were cute but nothing really stuck to me. don't get me wrong they all have chemistry but GOD DOES SHAYNSE GIVE!!?? IM A RACOON ONCE AGAIN

oh my god the way ive been sucked into shanyse. the smosh pit theatre was my awakening LIKE WTF THERE'S CHEMISTRY?? then i did the customary tumblr tag search and now im re-watching every video shayne and chanse has appeared together.

im sorry for all this but i gathered you were sort of a pioneer for the ship, so it felt right to confess on here

I relate so hard with ur comment on phan, I feel the fandom has gone thru a massive transformation and feels so much for chill now! Ppl have grown and are taking into account Phil and Dan a lot more!

Yes! Rpf is a tough area! I've said it before but the most important thing is the ppl themselves and their feelings! If Shayne or Chanse (or anybody from Smosh or that knows them tbh) asked me to stop, I would in a heartbeat! I, of course, would never intend any harm! And we see such a small snippet of their lives, its truly just based off their internet personas. My one rule is that u shouldn't go out of ur way to shove rpf into the ppl's faces unless they've said their okay with it! (Example: Them finding a fic by themselves is not the fault of the author, but the author sending it to them constantly crosses some boundaries)

Okay sorry, just wanted to make my thoughts clear!! Back to shaynse!!

OMG I'M SO HAPPY U FEEL THAT WAY!! I have felt that way since I thought of the ship but back then there was NO content for them!! Not even a ship name! (@jovenshires came up with the ship name). So it almost made me feel crazy or wrong for thinking of it, I'm so happy it's been well received!!

I feel like once u see it, u can't unsee it! That theater vid has done sm for shaynse nation! However, its just below the love is blind vid because that is literally shaynse day🫶🫶

Never apologise!! I love hearing other ppls thoughts and discussing!! And thank u for calling me the pioneer for this ship, it truly is an honour! I've been called it a couple times now so I might add it to my blog, I just hope I don't look big-headed 😭

And just an overall message to anybody that sees this, I welcome conversation abt ANY smosh ship, as long as it's appropriate! (I'm not sure what to give as an example, but I'd let u know if it's not appropriate)

Thank you, anon!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Dancer anon advice

Hi all! Someone wrote me about some advice, I'm just copy and pasting it here so I can add a 'read more' line and format it a bit differently than usual so I can keep my thoughts in order!

Italics is their writing

Bold is mine

i noticed ppl were using this blog to ask about stuff, so here goes ig?

(also im sorry this was going to be me asking about gender stuff but now its just kinda my life story 😭 if you dont want to answer this, you can just write a post saying like. dancer anon i dont feel comfortable answering this or whatever)

Ahhhh, you all need to stop apologizing! I never mind helping!

im afab, and i feel like i never really fit in with gender? like, i would always be so jealous of my feminine friends but i didnt feel good when dressing feminine myself

i also take dance classes (i started at around 6/7) and i felt like i had to wear all the skirts and shit because i wanted to be pretty like the other dancers, and i felt really terrible after a few years of that, because i hated how i looked in them and how i looked when i danced

(i also used to have a dance teacher whos hands were always cold and thats all i can remember about him but i really hated dancing with him and would get relieved when classes were over. ive hated dancing with boys/men ever since)

and it got like. really bad. i believe? (my memory is actually terrible. i cant remember anything for the life of me, so it could be my mind overexaggerating, but anyways.)

i would always ask for me and my teacher to just do stretching because i hated how i looked when i danced because i hated the skirts and everything because i hate my legs and how they look when bare. i hated attending dance classes because people would see me and see my legs and see how i looked and i felt terrible all the time (i think i was around 9 or 10 at this age?)

so one day i had a whole crying fit and my dance teacher told me that i dont have to wear skirts or whatever, i can wear pants and shit (i was so fucking relieved. istg. i now wear skirts to dance only like. couple times a year maybe)

and then soon enough covid happened! (also keep in mind that i grew up like. really sheltered. i did not know what gay people/transgender people were until i read fanfiction about warrior cats 😭)

and i was so delighted! because on distance learning, no one would see me and be able to judge me for how i dress or whatever

at around this time, my fear of everyone masculine really grew. its still there. im fucking terrified of all men. i cant help it. like every boy man masculine person. i get so scared. i hate it. i hate it so much

but then covid came to a halt, yk, school started again .-. i felt like shit, honestly. i didnt have ANY clothes i felt comfortable in. my hair felt too long and "feminine" and i wanted to cut it for the longest time. my clothes made me feel terrible. i hated how the leggings would wear on my legs and how my sweaters would show my body shape and how my butt looked (i still really hate how it looks. why is it big. i dont want it to be i hate it so much)

yeah so there i am, feeling dysphoric as shit (i did not know what that was, back then, by the way, but i believe thats what i was feeling)

didnt help that my only friend was a toxic, lying, manipulating bitch who led people on for fun and always expected everyone to worship at her feet

after a while, i discovered different labels! (bisexual was the first label i had for myself. i felt good with it, ig?)

and then i got to the gender situation. i used so many girl alligned terms because i was so scared of being percieved as the very thing i am terrified of (masculine ppl). i went through demigirl, girlflux, genderfae, genderfluid, i beleive, maybe somethign else too, because i wanted to stay connected to being a girl.

Okay so here, I want to ask, what's the reason to wanting to say connected with being a girl? Is it feeling like you are partially a girl? Not wanting to be connected to masculinity? Not wanting to let go of the 'girlhood' that you grew up with? None of these reasons are bad but I think thinking about this more might help you figure out your gender.

around this time i started doing leader steps for dance. the euphoria i felt. please.

ahhhhh wait! I do ballroom, too! I'm a follower, though. what's your favorite? I LOVE tango. Okay, sorry, I got distracted.

found out i was a lesbian, used nonbinary but with she/they pronouns and felt like shit whenever anyone called me she but didnt want to make a big deal about using they

ooo, okay here- asking for your correct pronouns isn't 'making a big deal.' it's asking for what you need and asking for respect.

found out i was aroace because "people actually find video game characters attractive?" 😭

thought i might feel better as a boy? cut my hair. i loved it so much (i still do) (that was may of last year) got baggy clothes. covered up my figure. did leader steps for dance.

over the summer i started using labels such as agender? which i feel like fits me?

anyway, thats the life story part, now for the part about what the fuck am i

i feel like shit whenever im called a girl or refered to with feminine terms. im not sure if it would classify as dysphoria or not, becuase i dont feel /that/ bad about it, but it still ruins my mood and kinda makes me want to cry.

okay so here's the thing. not 'feeling THAT bad' doesn't mean anything. Dysphoria is dysphoria. and this is dysphoria. Just because you're not throwing up in a corner doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid.

if my grandma calles me granddaughter, girl, whatever in russian, it automatically ruins my mood. makes me feel terrible. i hate it.

i dont feel as bad when my sister calls me her sister, though, for some reason.

Okay! So for me, I hate being called a lady, but I don't mind my wife calling me her wife. Again, this is all completely valid <3

when i get called by she/her i hate it so much. i dont want to make a big deal about asking for they/them - sometimes my friends remeber, sometimes they dont.

ive never tried he pronouns, dont think i want to.

they/them pronouns dont give me that much euphoria either, its just like. ok

Okay! Have you tried neopronouns? If you're not interesting in those, it could just be that they/them is what feels best. And that's okay, too!

another thing. my friend has another nonbinary friend. she always genders them correctly, but almost never me. it makes me feel like shit, like she cares more about getting their pronouns than mine, even though i know that thats not a good mindset and shit.

*loud buzzer sound* wrong. Your friend should be gendering everyone correctly, not just some people. Good friends care about making their friends feel comfortable, and this friend is making you uncomfortable. Would you feel comfortable talking to them about it?

also, heres some more on my fear of men because who doesnt love being scared out of their wits irrationally :D

my dance teacher had to leave to go back to where she lives, so they gave me a male teacher (i tend to only have female ones.)

i would be in tears every lesson. i felt like shit. (also i hate the sound of peoples voices and he would always be talking and i hate it so much because his voice, amongst others, is one of the ones that hurts my ears the most.) i even went to my mom to ask her for a change which helped ig? my new teacher is really nice and i love her so,,, yeah

Okay, I want to stop here to say- a lot of this has to do with gender, right? But this particular response seems to be rooted in trauma. Without prying too much, I am wondering if there is something that happened with a man or masculine-presenting person or people? You do NOT have to share with me, but this might be something to explore with a trusted person in your life. I mean, there is a chance it's gender-related, but in the most loving way, there seems to be something deeper going on here.

anyway, you dont have to answer this, i was going to just ask for help with labels and feeling like theres no correct label for me (i use agender now, for simplicity, because i dont feel connected to having a gender at all)

So I guess my question is, how do you feel about the agender label? When I looked up the definition, it seems to be defined as exactly what you described- someone not having a gender at all.

Also, remember that your gender identity and expression are two different things! You can identify as agender (or any of the other things you mentioned) and still choose to dress however feels most comfortable and use whatever pronouns feel most comfortable. There are no set rules except: do what feels most genuine and comfortable!

if you do want to answer this but dont want to use this large of an ask on your blog, just call me dancer anon, i will see and understand 👍

again, sorry for dumping all of this on you

ahhhhhhh don't be sorry, you are a wonderful human!

have a wonderful day

you, too! please message me if you want to talk more! <3

[yooniesim]

any suggestions for becoming a sims based blog? I used to do it back in the hayday of sims 3 but it's been YEARS and I still absolutely love making sims, but I'm too shy and nervous to interact with the community ;;;

hi nonny! this is a complicated question that I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask lol but let me try it out. I think I'm gonna separate it into two parts for ease of reading. And sorry if it's a bit more cynical than you probably expected. I've just learned a lot i wish I had done from the start, lol. So here we go.

Sims content

Post whatever tf you feel like. If you love making sims, post the hell outta them and don't worry about what anyone thinks. There's no one perfect type of content to appeal to everyone; the community is made up of a million smaller niche ones. Editors, sim makers, gameplayers, storytellers, cc makers, etc. If you're passionate about it, you'll find people that love your posts. So don't worry too much.

Don't get too hung up on editing, if you want your pics to look "better" then use gshade/reshade and/or simple psd actions to your liking. Don't let it get stressful cos it ain't worth it. If you don't enjoy editing, don't do it at all. (I wrote more about how I edit & make it easier in this post)

Try your very best not to worry about notes. I know it's hard. Everyone wants their stuff to be seen, but when it comes to engagement on here, you're aiming for quality over quantity. A few awesome mutuals commenting on your stuff is way better than 600 silent likes. Also, having more attention sucks bc it brings the vile swamp rats out of their holes to see what shit they can stir up. The brief serotonins aint worth it. Just aim to find a few cool ppl to talk about your sims with cos thats all that matters.

If you want, find bachelor/ette or similar challenges ppl are doing and submit sims for them. And once you get some mutuals/followers, open sim requests so you can make sims for people. It's super fun and awesome to see your sims in other people's games! And you don't have to talk too much if you don't feel like it, but it's an easy way to get involved with others.

Social stuff & safety

Comment on peoples posts often if you like them. Engage with ppl. Reblog posts you see you like but don't really have any reblogs. I know you said you're shy but, this is most of the way to actual have mutuals that enjoy talking to you and comment on your stuff as well. You can just not talk if you want but it'll make it harder to have any engagement unless you're really good at edits or cc making.

Don't get involved with drama/discourse, it means nothing and amounts to nothing. If you're going to boost someone else's post, look into it first and look for evidence that it's even true before you reblog. If people hate on you in your inbox, block the anon and don't respond even to laugh at them. Block anyone that gives you bad vibes. They look at you funny, breathe wrong, use a color you don't like. Block. If anyone tries to start shit with you, block & completely ignore them & don't comment on it. It hurts, but there's nothing you can do about it, and people will move on if you ignore them.

Don't reveal any personal info about yourself on here or to anyone in DMs. Don't use your real name. Don't have anything connected to your other socials. Don't trust anyone on here with your vulnerable emotions, past trauma, etc. And don't say anything in DM you wouldn't feel comfortable with everyone else on the internet potentially seeing.

If you pledge to people on patreon, be aware that your email will show up on their end when you do. Dont use your real name as your patreon username.

If simblr is causing you stress, you feel like your mental health is suffering, take breaks. Log off or delete the app for a while.

And... I think that's all I can think of for now. If there's anything else detailed you wanna ask about feel free. But these are just my general thoughts. Good luck, nonny :)

[strawbearyhoney]

Just say you hate ppl with eating disorders and go

if someone were to promote depression ( literally using a pro-depression tag and telling other people how to get more depressed and encouraging others to self harm and be miserable ) and i said ' tumblr should block that tag ' would you say i hated ppl who suffer froam depression . lol

i have ppl close to me who have suffered from eating disorders and i have a complicated relationship with food myself . its one thing for ppl struggling with an ed to have a space to talk about it , to connect with other people going through the same thing , even to vent about it / their challenging thoughts and talk about when they relapse . its another thing entirely to make posts like " fat ppl are ugly disgusting monsters you have to be skinny pale and frail to be worth anything or beautiful " and then plop urself right into an echo chamber of people obessing and nodding along liek yes yes i must be thin i must be thin all i want is to be thin im disgusting

you are going to die . full stop . you are going to die . your organs will fail and your hair will fall out and your teeth will wear down from the acid of you throwing up so often . you are going to die and it wont be pretty . you are going to die if you do not get out . eating disorders kill people , full stop . liek i need you to understand how serious this is . you either recover or youre dead . this isnt me saying " i dont liek that these people are talking about something thats bad " or " ppl struggling with this should have no spaces to talk about what theyre going through " , this is me saying " the pro ana tag is so incredibly dangerous and tumblr should block it liek theyve blocked countless of other way less harmful tags " . this is me saying im begging you to do some reserach to get out of the echo chamber and i know its not that easy and you cant just say ' wow ur right im healed now thanks ' , but you have to want to get better and that starts with cutting out " thinspo " and to stop encouraging eachother to slowly kill yourselves

liek there are a host of other problems too . the fatphobia is an obvious one , but also the colourism , racism , etc . the pro ana / thinspo communities are obsessed with reaching this ideal of a skinny pale waif , so many blog titles and urls are centered around being ~ fragile ~ and ~ pure ~ and they only ever focus on white girls ( or apparently kpop stars now ) . its an incredibly toxic place . " meanspo " is a thing now ?? i couldnt stomach too much of it

but without getting into the ~ discourse ~ or how ~ problematic ~ those communities are . putting that aside . youre going to die . full stop you either recover from an ed or it kills you . and some people with eds are suicidal and that wont deterr them , for some their goal is to wither away into nothingness . ppl with eds are not healthy , mentally or physically , and that is not a moral judgment , it is a fact . people get eds for all sorts of reasons , from trauma ( abuse , bullying , sa , etc ) , from being fat in a fatphobic world , because they latch onto food as something they feel liek they can control-- there's so many reasons , an endless amount of reasons . i am not here to shame anyone for having an eating disorder

that does not change my stance on the fact that the " pro ana / thinspo " tags ( and their copycats . #proana #proed #thinspi #thinspii #thinspø #thinsp0 #ed not sheeran #ed not sherran #ana miaa etc etc ) are dangerous and should be removed . similar to how someone going into tha #depression tag and promoting and encouraging others to kill themselves should be banned

srsly if someone went into tha #depression tag and started posting and commenting on others posts liek " kill yourself , its never going to get better , heres some accessible ways to die , heres some suicide inspo , heres cute suicide note ideas , kill urself just die prove everyone wrong , everyone will be so sorry and regret the way they treated you , just die " , people would mass report them and dogpile them and be angry at them and get them banned . but when pro ana ppl do it suddenly its " let us cope " lol ????? not all coping methods are good or healthy or should be encouraged / promoted . and self mutilation is one thing , but when you are actively harming others it cant be left alone

to quote Blythe Baird from her spoken word When The Fat Girl Gets Skinny : if you are not recovering , you are dying

[what-the-hell-is-going-on-here]

Well not suire if there is a community dedicated to it, Yet- Buuut! There's definetly a nom related community that you're part of anyhow!

Also showw!!!

omg i am now Here. tbh i've been a part of the community for YEARS as a lurker, i've known about vore since 2019 LMAO- i used to lurk on DA and here for a loooong while. i feel like a little tiny veteran (to an extent.. ik there's people who have been here for way longer than me)

now that i have friends that like vore too, their input definitely helped me gained the confidence to actually interact with others and even post some of the stuff i've created :3 i've had this acc for a bit and used it especially early on when i was (admittedly) very cringe since i had nobody to ramble to, so if anyone seeing this ever goes back later than 2022.. whatever you find is your own fault LOL

i'm happy that i've already met a few ppl from posting this kinda stuff, even if we don't talk too much! everyone here has always been so cool and i feel like tumblr is the best place for soft, nonsexual stuff like this :3 it's our little niche!!

of course my blog won't be anything too formal lmao, i don't expect (or really want) a huge following so i don't form that mindset of "must create for the people, not myself"- this is just my little silly corner where i can ramble about my weird interests with other fellow weirdos :D

honestly i'm shocked- there's already a small group of people who like vore in the ult/rakill fandom, from what i've seen! (TYSM FOR ALL THE LIKES AND RBS ITS ONLY BEEN A DAY.. LOVE YALL) i didn't think so many people would have also gone "ah yes, a robot with no mouth. EAT ME." BEHEJDJ

i've been pred/preycrushing SO HARD on V1 / V2 / gabr/iel it's not even funny .... i am going bonkers lmao so im sure there will be more rambles or doodles soon

and for the fic, it isn't dont yet, but once it is i'll consider posting it! howeeeverrr.... here's a little snippet for now :3

sorry for getting off track there lol, i'm just happy to be a part of this community no matter how small :'] it's just really nice embracing parts of yourself that you thought were bad at first, and the community here has always been so welcoming <3

[nori-the-cat]

Sorry I wanted to ramble a bit bc this been annoying me these past few days

what do you think of tarot readers who might be trying to identify exactly who an idols fs going to be? for instance they may or may not be dating rn or may not want to date. But I seen so many blogs trying to really dig and dig for the info on who they are supposed to be even snooping on random ppls pages and assuming thats who they must be. Either all bc of zodiac orrrr bc they just have that vibe that they assuming. idk shits crazy online nowadays. Without even considering what the idol may or may not want or like in a person or if the idol even want to date at all which again they might not want too.

I also wanted to say I think it got harder to genuinely meet idols and celebs in more relaxed places nowadays than in the 00s or even the 90s were a slightly more reasonable time period for celebs to meet ppl more freely. I also think some idols just going to be wanted for their body or their face, ppl who follow them on tneir social medias just going to be lusting for them and I can think of a few idols that will probs just be used for sex or hook ups bc of the way their companies using their image.

You wouldnt be able to genuinely meet them in casual settings without their fans making a scene about it. One of the super junior guys said they user to dress as female and i thought he was a genius for that cause no one saw who he was when he was with his partner but thats sad too at the same time bc hes old enough by now to surely be able to openly date without stupid behaviour from his fans

Sure there some very very goodlooking physically idols but like there is more to them than their body yet all I see even on their personal tags on this site is just straight up oversexualisation of them to the point it really seem delusional and unhinged, it like ppl aint seen abs before kpop normalised male idols showing abs. So I dont think its actually possible for just to have normal conversation w/ idols if you were to meet them bc like they not going to trust easily and they might not notice u if u arent a somebody with a lot of followers. all in all it seems very vein even if the idols are likeable, I just dont like nor agree with this overreaction that ppl seem to habe toward them and their personal lives. Even i found myself getting sucked into it bc like what else is there besides celebs and idols? there just nothing normal about it anymore.

For instance I was thinking it would be more doable to meet them privately and just treat them like they are normal non idol but it just not possible anymore sadly :c theres many idols I like or wouldve liked to get to know if I had the means too without stalking ro being delulu but its so realistically impossible.

Idols cant even stand next to opposite gender without getting rumors so like I often do wonder how they going to meet their fs if that something an idol might want but then I also am like it dont matter, ik it not me. But like wouldnt you be bit curious as to what it like? yet the downside will always be social media users sending hate if they fs get found out, knetz overreacting, media overreacting, stalkers, sasaengs and so on. Yet I want bts for example to meet their fs already.

Yoongi already seem like he doesnt particularly care if he dont meet his fs but at the same time he got more chances to bc of his popularity and so on. if life wasnt about money i think kpop would ne less toxic overall bc we could then enjoy these groups more than just for the way they look or how rich they are and so on.

sorry for my long ramble but i dont think its spoken about enough cause how normalised it is to be fully deluded about idols and their personal life. anyway i enjoy your readings as they dont poke too much <3

Hello Anon, this was an insightful thought. Thank u for taking your time to share it with me. ♡

Now, you asked me why other tarot readers are doing tarot readings on idols FS. Well the answer is I don’t know. I truly don’t know. I don’t have the answer either. I also don’t want to judge how other tarot readers do their reading or what reading they like to do. I mean I do read idols ideal type, their take on romantic relationships, how they are like as boyfriend, and many more. So, who am I to say something on this? 😅

However, celebrities in general live a fairly private life. This makes them become or seen as interesting. I mean wouldn’t you want to know what your introverted friends do on the weekend? It’s the same with celebrities. The more mysterious someone is, the more other people want to know about their private life and that includes whoever they date or marry. On top of this, celebrities live a wealthy, segregated, and privileged social life which normal people can’t have. The side effect to this is that people would obviously want to know what they do on a daily basis and who they associate themselves with.

I hope that answers your frustrations. Also, thank you for enjoying my readings. ♡

[insufferable-talkstuck]

(HELPP sorry bro gonna ask this blog instead mb 💀😭)

helloo can u classpect me pls (idk heo to do this 🔥) including a little bit of vent for the sake of classpects

basically i am reclusive, secretive, spacey, knowledgeable but not in an arrogant way, creative, pretty absent minded, and very awkward :]

my main interests include TMNT, MBTI, experimental music, psychology, and marine life. (probably says nothing)

i also like drawing but sometimes i get mad jealous over other ppls art

i also have a strong interest in leftism, anti-racism and anti-capitalism. idk what that says tho

i can get RLY obsessive about my interests and i will NOT shut up about whatever im hyperfixating on

i find it extremely difficult to grasp social cues, in other words i am socially inept

i can have a lot of trouble with empathy usually, not saying i have no empathy tho

no social life. 0. not even one (1) friend. offline or online.

if i had a social group tho i think id be the weird one who is very awkward and does not get jokes 😭

i like to consider both logic and emotions when making a decision, but i tend to value logic and rationality more sometimes

i have a tendency to stay up really late, like really late (it is 5 am as i am writing this

(idk of the text below counts as a vent or not but read idk)

ive always been really bad at explaining, wording, or identifying my own emotions, idk why but its just really hard to come up with words that can accurately describe how i feel, which is why im shit at venting

nvm i think im just bad at wording my own thoughts in general, it makes me feel kind of dumb, im just as bad at that on text too 😭😭 communicating is hell

(vent-ish thing is over)

supernatural stuff is pretty cool too idk

ive been told im dry and very monotonous in person 💀 like a robot n shit

i also dont like being wrong but not in an arrogant know-it-all asshole kinda way ❤

idk what else to put here.

Seer of Void

I'm not picking up any sign that you would *want* to be assigned a void player but I don't tell people what they want to hear.

- dissection -

‘ basically — :] ’ in this paragraph you list off some traits that could easily be associated with void

‘ i can RLY — tho ’ classpects aren't political stances and tho some classes and aspects are described as more devoted or revolutionary it doesn't specifically tilt it towards any view on these things. go girl give us nothing

‘ i find it — jokes ’ you're listing traits of autism, not something that could help me classpect you. However in all technicality "lacking" so many things can be written off as void

‘ i like to consider — on text too ’ okay, Dirk strider moment I guess, if you had only left this paragraph i would have given you prince of heart and left it at that

- dissection over -

why I think you're a seer of void

seers struggle to grasp their aspect at first, how it works and how they could relate to it escapes them, but once they learn it they're comfortable in it. you talk like youre rampaging to find fragments of a personality, sloppily putting paragraphs about yourself together, but if you were to take a step back and relax I think you'd be relieved and find comfort in the nothingness, and along with it the unlimited potential you'll master but.. baby steps

bonus round

i think there would be a destructive heart player and/or a mind player in your session, you seem torn between the two, I don't see this talked about amongst the classpecting population but I do think the aspects of the players in your session would affect you. with all my evidence of that coming from the kids and trolls sessions I mean the bond is just so clear

[circular-bircular]

Mmm. I caught a few free minutes today to sit down and respond, so let's unleash this one, shall we?

Below the cut is an ENORMOUS ask, and a (incredibly long, as much as I may try otherside) response. It's about the recent "censorship" (???) drama.

TL;DR: Everyone is allowed to be angry in life, and policing that is kind of outrageously infuriating, especially in spaces where people struggle with things like emotional regulation! I'm allowed to be upset and express that upset, just as much as anyone else. Me expressing frustrations isn't "demonizing" people or attacking them, and I'm sorry if it comes across that way. If you feel I'm attacking you by posting on my own blog how I'm upset about something, or feel I'm attacking you by reblogging posts on tumblr to dissect ableism in articles you yourself posted... Figure out that feeling, or block me? Good lord.

I am not posting anything more about this topic. Please don't send asks about it, or I will simply be deleting them.

Okay. For context, these two asks (combined below) came in about 3 days ago. I was wondering if I should post them in a different format to slim them down, but genuinely, I think I want to present this as I received it. Here it is (with your system name censored, anon -- I recognize your concerns about harassment):

abt frameaclouds post :: politely + trying to come to the table not to argue but to point this out I dont think you can blame a blogger for seeing people reblogging their post from you legit screaming "how dare you" or "fuck you" at them and them then assuming that it's probs best to just block and keep back from that whole group of folks. I liked some of your additions and thought they were interesting as one of frameaclouds followers.... but the way you and others focused almost entirely on nitpicking LB Lee's stuff and some ways things were phrased (ex. - like point 3; all frameacloud said was that DID does not require trauma. you then... agreed and shouted at them?), and the way a lot of you jumped to calling it censorship and silencing when frameacloud refused to engage afterwards, really kind of makes it look like you're interpreting their post and actions in the worst light possible. it makes it seem like you're coming from a place of bad faith. you mentioned some cool perspective in your reblog, where you talked about how it came off to someone who had your specific background and knowledge and what u found the issues to be, but you haven't done the reverse: you haven't considered how your reblog was going to come across to an otherkin whose been around for a really long time and who is probably used to dealing with tons and tons of trolls who are going to take what they say in the least generous way possible, twist their words, + use it to belittle and harass them. like this is an otherkin who's been around since the grilling times and usenet days. and a bunch of people who seem to be in ur circles citing back to the post and kind of beating their chests about it even tho frameacloud is making a point not to fight or argue about it and to just block and move on...and u urself described ur response as a 'rant' which has a pretty diff connotation than 'discussion' or 'criticism'...well its likely to just project that kind of image further, that ur just here to flame war, even if thats not what ur doing or how u want to come across. ik that's how it came across to me and even after seeing some of ur past posts on ur blog that i really liked im still a little skeptical that this ask isnt gonna be either trashed mocked or taken out of context by u or someone who follows u. and also i want to remind people that like......... u r not owed access to anyone on socmed. frameacloud and any other blogger is allowed to block anyone for any reason. and its unhealthy to say that ur owed other ppls blogs and posts to platform on. respect other ppls boundaries without villainizing them cuz otherwise ur just opening up a can of worms to lie in. and ik u said in a later post that theyre well within their rights to block u but u also reblogged a post before that calling it censorship. so like... this is what i mean about coming off as disengenuous and troll-y, stuff like this is why even if i liked some of ur reblog i wont rb it. if i rb it and end up deleting it later am i gonna be told by others that im 'censoring' u? if i make a mistake and say something wrong in a tag am i gonna get jumped with a 5k word essay from four different ppl telling me how much i suck? its a hypothetical but only sorta with whats been happening on ur blog and elsewhere in this discussion. its bad form and its not super fair to frameacloud who still hasnt done legit anything yet but block ppl and i really cant say enough how much i dont blame them with some of whats been said n what sort of conclusions ppl r jumping to abt them. (also now that im thinking of the context if u did come across as bad faith engagement to frameacloud then they probably didnt respond to ur ask because it screamed BAIT to them cuz ik in their shoes id think the same. i mean their blog 99% runs on queue...the last post they reblogged that wasnt on their queue was ONE post on the 11th from their boyfriend and be4 that ONE on the 9th...all while u have someone gossiping in a prev ask that they 'often do this'. i can see frameaclouds POV)

like i swear im not trying to start a fight but can u see how this comes off. claiming u want a discussion and then thanking someone who is calling blocking censorship, saying that theyre in their rights to block but then posting an ask that says this blog that makes maybe like two or three original posts a month "does this often", the original aggro all over the reblogs that stem from ur first reblog in the reblog chart... like frameacloud is the one who blocked first but u have to srsly consider why they did + why they refuse to engage at all + what it looks like to ppl outside of the type of syscourse ur used to, like them and like me. if u want ppl to listen, then this isnt a good way to promote the kind of discussions u say u want. it just drives ppl away and maybe it feels temporarly vindicating but its not helpful. i want to see the things ur talking abt talked abt more but if its always going to be like that and theres no way for it to be less like trekking thru a field of mines where someone might blow up at u for something u dnt even realize is wrong at the time then i dunno

...

So, first off, I apologize profusely to everyone for how long-winded I am. I write a LOT, a habit I have always, always tried to break, and I now realize just how much it is to see thousands of words in response to things. This is nearly 1k of words I woke up to right before leaving for my vacation. Talk about wild to read right after waking up. (I also apologize because what follows is similarly so long winded and I cannot figure out how to not do this).

I attempted to write up my response. Took a full day and a half, writing and writing and writing. And here's the thing, I wrote around 3k words trying to explain my perspective, trying to acknowledge what I agreed and disagreed with from your asks, from your perspective, and just...

Dude, I am so fucking done with this shit. Not your asks in particular, but with syscourse in general.

This ask presents me with a damned if I do, damned if I don't scenario. I could leave it to rot in my inbox, but then I'm a hypocrite for not engaging with discussions about things, which is what I say I want people to do. I could finish writing up my 3k+ word response, but then my words are going to be twisted as they always are because I'm long winded and I am just trying my best to (probably over)explain myself.

Or... I can just. Explain as briefly as possible here what I'm feeling, thinking, and doing.

So... Here goes my best shot.

One:

First and foremost, I could care less at this point about frameacloud. Good fucking lord, I have tried to keep their username in my head through all of this, but it's genuinely so hard and I just end up scrolling up. I have never interacted with this user before this, and I clearly won't be again. My beef is not with them. I could care less about this user or their business; they are a tumblr user who exists. Wow!

My upset was about how the conversation was cut off. That's all. That's it. Wow, it sucks how all conversations are cut off when people block others for any reason. I hate how long MY blocklist is, strictly for my mental health. I hate how many people I have to block to keep myself healthy, because it cuts off communication. Is it... condemning myself to saying, "It's a shame that they cut off communication like that" when I've blocked plenty of very vocal syscoursers?

No. As I've said numerous times through all this, people should be able to block whoever they want. Even if I talk about how upsetting that may be, I mean absolutely no ill will to the person who literally should not know I'm talking about how upset I am, because said person has me blocked.

Two:

I don't care why they blocked me. Maybe they personally hate me, maybe they heard about me from who-is-page or whoever (I know I've bumped heads with them in the past once or twice before), maybe they thought I was a troll, maybe they thought I was overly angry, whatever-

That literally means nothing to me other than " :( Fucking goddamn it, that means my response will be hidden."

What I am upset about isn't that they blocked me; I'm upset that the conversation was cut short and hidden in all aspects. By that I mean, I don't care I was blocked and hidden; I care that every single user who reblogged either me or SAS's reply was also hidden. Like. Every single tag was. I don't know if that's tumblr's doing, or OPs doing, or what have you, but again -- it doesn't matter.

All I'm saying is "damn, buddy, that sucks."

Three:

They didn't respond to my ask, and I mentioned that in my follow up post to show I tried to reach out genuinely. I didn't want people to think I was posting this without trying to reach out originally. That was all. It was once again me complaining that the conversation was completely cut off, regardless of the reason why it was cut off.

And here's where I'll address the elephant that I see, or at least the first one.

I'm allowed to be however angry I want on my blog, on my posts, and in my life. I'm allowed to shout, curse, and be pissed off. And no, they don't need to engage with it, and no, I don't need to be happy about that fact.

This is a tumblr blog, sir.

I'm not a medical professional or a debater on a stage in front of a podium. I'm a 26 year old trauma survivor who got upset about a fucking severely ableist post. I think I should be allowed to be a bit pissy about it.

Being told so frequently recently that I need to "be nice to convince people" is such whiplash, because less than a year ago, I was that person. I was the person telling everyone to let go of their anger, to be nice to convince the other side, that everyone needs to be polite. I did this so much that I literally was known as the Respectability Politics Syscourser. That was a legitimate label I used. I was told so often that I was a filthy centrist and that I was worse than homophobic bigots because I was trying to get everyone to just be nice to each other. I got fucking harassed for simply posting "Everyone should respect each other" to the syscourse tags.

Is that healthy?

A topic I discuss most frequently with my therapist at the moment is reclaiming anger. I struggle severely with loyalty and fawning, convinced that if I show any negative emotion whatsoever, I'll be hurt and shoved aside and abandoned by those I love. (Ouch). Here's just a few things I've learned in the past year or so:

Anger is the part of you that knows you deserve better.

Anger is a form of self-love.

Anger is a secondary emotion; what emotion lies under it? (This is the one I struggle with the most)

In... Fall of last year (the exact month escapes me), I ended up blowing up due to how long I had kept myself censored and kept myself "polite" for others. Due to how much anger I'd shoved aside and kept under wraps for the benefit of others. Because being angry would "reflect badly" on me and my friends; because it would make what I had to share less accessible to others.

... I'm done with doing that. Therapist's literal orders. In fact, if my therapist had his way, I would not have a system blog, be part of any system servers, or talk to anyone online who has DID, because the fact fucking is, none of you are safe to talk to. It will always be a triggering space. (Thankfully, my therapist also acknowledges that he is a singlet, doesn't know my brain, and that I am my own person who can make my own choices).

If OP of the post decided to make a big huge post blowing up in anger and frustration at how horrible I am, good for them. If you block me out of anger, good for you! I do not care, because I will be happy you are doing what is best for you. I am happy OP did what's best for them.

And equally, upset that a convo about ableism was hidden.

That brings me to:

Four:

Out of all the shit said and reblogged through that little single blip on the syscourse radar (I think around 10 posts out of 20 in that single 24 hours), I do regret posting that ask about OP "doing this often". That one is on me, and tbh, I'm gonna delete it. It was drama, and I do try to avoid that. I hardly added anything to it, and while I know my perspective on why I posted it, I also acknowledge that it'll do literally jack shit to explain why. So I'm just gonna delete it and move on.

But in everything else, I was only lamenting the fact that every response was hidden beyond those agreeing with OP.

I thanked Candlelight (the first user to call it censorship from what I can see) for stating that the responses were all hidden, but moreover, for mentioning that they didn't agree with everything I said. I spoke on that post primarily driven by anger at Lee's ableism. I KNOW it was not a perfect post. That's because I'm not a Perfect Debater(TM).

All I wanted was A DISCUSSION ABOUT ABLEISM!

(Note: This is commonly seen as yelling; for me, via text, I see this as EXTREME EMPHASIS. Sorry it apparently comes across as yelling! I see it as yelling a bit in my mind, but I can see how the TONE is lost in those cases. Right now, my tone is exhausted frustration, but I see no need to ACTUALLY raise my voice at you.)

I think that's the thing that's pissed me off the most. Everyone and their brother wants to either agree or disagree with me about censorship. I have my own thoughts on censorship (it's basically always bad, but there's nuance on all things, is exclusion censorship, etc etc) but those are not relevant because nobody has even fucking addressed the ableism.

The articles -- linked by OP, but who gives a shit at this point -- came off as ableist. I reblogged OP's post because they are the ones who posted the ableist articles to the DID tags. That is how tumblr is used, is it not? And yes, I expressed my anger... at the articles... on the post that had the articles...

And OP hid those critiques for their own reasons... and I lamented that they were hidden... so I made a post about it while explaining the context ('Hey if you're wondering why I'm making this big huge long post AGAIN, OP blocked my response and everyone elses, and yes I have tried to resolve it, but this one's plan B for getting the word out that these articles and ideas are really harmful online')

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. You see why this is so hard to keep short, right? I surely hope so. There's a LOT to tackle here, and a lot of emotions, and a lot of different topics/nuances.

FIVE: RAPID FIRE ROUND (With Review!)

I don't care about otherkin spaces or know shit about them. They're triggering for me. Bluh.

I don't blame OP for blocking me.

I don't hate you or want to attack you for this ask, sorry you feel that way.

If someone deletes a reblog, I just assume they made a mistake reblogging it? Do people attack others for this shit?

I nitpicked Lee's response because Lee's response was the most ableist shit I've seen in a bit, and I did that on OP's post because they're the one who posted it.

I didn't agree that DID does not always need trauma? I explicitly said it is always trauma based? I'm so confused about that point.

Is "Ranting" seen as trolling now? I use "rant" to mean "Shit, I went on for a LONG time." It's synonymous with ramble for me.

I don't know how to break it to everyone, but posting online means it is inherently unsafe, and someone may attack you or blow up at you. It's the world wide web. It sucks. (That doesn't mean it's deserved or that I endorse that behavior; it's just... life).

Ugh.

At the end of the day, I just want to be able to have my fucking disorder and scroll tags about my disorder without seeing:

It doesn't need trauma to form

Traumagenic systems are 'obsessed with suffering'

Endogenic systems are 'healthy' forms of plurality (As opposed to DID)

Yknow. Syscourse in general.

And similar shit.

Is that too much to ask??

Anon; I know this doesn't address all of your points. I KNOW I haven't gone point by point like I wanted to. My original draft did that, but I only got halfway before hitting 3k words, and you seemed... really adverse to a long ra- ramble, not rant. Sorry? Ugh.

Just take this, and I hope this topic doesn't come back to me, because I'm kinda done with it entirely at this rate.