#also the post was because I imagined hugging my therapist for some reason

[noirapocalypto]

I think I just need to sob into someone’s shoulder. I think that would really fix me. I just want someone to be with me while I cry. Even for a little bit.

[tervaneula]

Okay i got an emil notification about your NQK update before your tumblr post?! Now that surprised me!

It's like 1 AM and i don't think leo is the only one with Insomnia - ngl i felt that am getting called out 😂 - So we start and i think because it's been a long time friend the previous NQK chapter i really forgot that F!Donnie is now " Donatello " whil F!Mikey js "Michaelangelo" and brain was flipping between "huh? Is that the youngest or the eldest?!"

So we start right off with with F!Dee getting jealous and boy oh boy i believe little ol' Donnie will find this exciting and more of a "parent figure approval" 😂

The talk goes to the bandana and i kid you not i remembered previous fics where some F!Leo/s had either put the other masks as a nice accessory ir put it on his sword and just hung it there as a memory (forgot the fic).

So this makes me think of "How F!Leo would make of the bandanas AFTER he make peace with decades of war?" It really makes me excited thinking about it 🤩

Also it made me think - don't know if i asked before but - does F!Leo still can open his portals and travel? (I know in other fic he can but what about the Canon fic NQK?).

It's kinda sad how Leo's still holding on to the masks but still understandable because well... It's been decades of WAR! That can't be just brushed under the rug with a nice few months in the lair. So until F!Leo finally decided when he can " move on " he deserves to keep the masks with him...

F!Leo hugging ghost!F!Dee was so sad and somewhat... Bittersweet? Because he's glad he can see/talk and almost hug his twin but that's about it, he wants to be greedy and have the two of them, april, his dad back home but that would be too much (And am sure he would be worried about 'Don't push your luck' type of quote or he may lose everything).

But AHHHHHHHHH AM SCREAMING FOR THE ART PIECE YOU MADE! SURE IT'S SAD BUT THE COLORS AND ART STYLE IS REALLY WARMING ME UP AS IF IT'S - again - A BLANKET!! I LOVE THIS FEELING 🩷🩷🩷🩷

Then que F!Mikey entering the chat (lmao ngl thought that was little mikey) and took a pic lol!! I don't know if he can take picture of ghosts but imagine if you can use mystic power or ninpo to see ghosts in the picture?! That would be awesome, F!Dee & F!Raph would mess with so many people.

And then here comes Dracum entering the chat 🐐😂 MF i can imagine him entering the room with sandal in hand ready to beat F!Mikey up especially after hearing "I used it to lift a blanket up" 😂😂😂

But it was so surprising to me when be gave him a "therapist" card, from the color purple i thought it was from either Donnie or 🤢 Big mama 🤢

But god i love a soft carrying dad draxum like my next door neighbour! Always welcomed 🩷

That's all for my review for the chapter! It was such a great treat since it's been a while! Am still gonna keep my eyes - and phone - open for any updates because LORD I LOVE NQK🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

LMAO YEAH that's because I really wanted to publish the chapter that day but was already crashing when I posted it, so couldn't make a Tumblr post until the next day 😂

Hehe we'll see what Leonardo will do with the masks! First of all, wash them, probably :D He has a weird relationship with all of his keepsakes, re: the Raph-like prosthetic arm. He doesn't want to get rid of them but seeing them also still hurts, despite everything :')

Yes NQK Leonardo can use his portals!! He just hasn't had a reason to do that in the main fic (yet 😎)

God. Fug. Dang dude. "Don't push your luck or you may lose everything" legitimately made me tear up. That whole paragraph contributed, actually. "HE WANTS TO BE GREEDY" like ajkhjdsfhj how dare you (/aff) hit me with an emotional bomb like this all of a sudden. He does. He wants all of his family, he doesn't think it's fair that only three of them survived, and this brings us back to the enormous guilt he feels for not being able to save everyone.

Donatello is there with him, not in flesh but literally in spirit, he can be hugged and talked to, but Leonardo wants him to live. It's so freaking heartbreaking. I as the author have the power to bring him his family back, in flesh and blood and bone, but like I said ages ago, that's not what NQK is about. It's about accepting loss and healing and finding happiness, and about family and love. They can't change the past any more than what they've already been graciously given, the only way is forward. ;_;

BUT THANK YOUUU for liking the drawing, it makes me go 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 so bad jdfhj (and to make it worse, I made a different version which I'll post here later)

Ninpo ghosts show up in photos normally!! At least in NQK universe they do 😂 Too bad for Donatello, can't do all the crime if he can be caught in 4K

Soft caring dad Draxum ftw<333

THE THERAPIST CARD. Oh my gosh Draxum does NOT trust Big Mama one bit, rest assured, and Donnie has no such connections. No, the light purple colour is actually referencing... drum roll... THIS GUY

Yes Tev is now a yokai and a part of NQK universe but no, she won't show up in the fic so no worries about me actually bringing in non-canon characters. "Leonardo Goes To Therapy" is not a chapter I want to write, nor sprinkle in the appointments in detail, so it all happens off-screen 😂

Thank you SO SO SO MUCH again for reading and spending your precious time writing this comment!!!! It made me so happy but I'm a little sorry that this reply got so long and rambly XD ANYWAY ILYSM

[breathinginthissilence]

Hello, because kudos or hits count in large fandoms is not always a reliable metric, what are your favourite Thorki fics that you'd recommend? (Because I remember your writing from Bedge and Jon/Stephen fandoms ;), so I know that you'd like the type of things I'd like). Sorry if this is out of line and thank you regardless

Oh boy here we go, lemme just scour my bookmarks though I bet I miss an important one BUT I WILL TRY AND THIS MIGHT GET LONG BECAUSE SO MUCH GOOD OKAY...in no particular order:

Stormbreaker by ladylapislazuli (a WIP but it was updated last month after 2 years so there is hope!): during IW, Thor travels back in time to when he and Loki were late teens, no one recognizes him, and Loki develops a big old crush that makes Thor go oh shit how do I deal with this and let him down without revealing I'm his bro, bro?

just in it for the game by grim_lupine: Post-Ragnarok, onboard the Statesman, people think Thor and Loki are fucking and Loki is like this is hilarious and also makes me look great...hijinks ensue.

Along a Desert Highway by triedunture: Loki gets cast out along with Thor during the events of the first movie. Just a sweet fic that warms my heart.

Eight Months of a Century by stereobone: Loki and Thor shack up with the Avengers to keep Loki safe because Thor totally knocked him up and Odin, they imagine, won't react well. Mpreg, I suppose, except kinda not since we're dealing with a being who is a shapeshifter and also magic, so

Soft Shocks by stereobone: Loki and Thor pretend to be married for typical 'Loki told the Jotuns this was the case' reasons. Features one of my favourite oh-so-convincing lines from Thor, when he says 'That's me, I am a husband' to convince a dude he's married to his bro...it's a whole deal.

Safe Passage Through the Anus by Anonymous: Grandmaster makes Thor and Loki star in porn, Thor and Loki try and pretend as though this is, like, totally the first time they've done each other. I died reading this

The Price by Ark: Thor brings Loki back after Infinity War, but there's a price. Bring tissues, but read this one 100%

Reveille by Ark: Thor wants to see Loki again. Bring tissues for this one too. All of Ark's stuff is amazing, but these two are my fave.

Faceless by thefirstwhokneels: Also a sequel that you should read. Thor and Loki keep visiting a tavern where you can sleep with anonymous people who have their faces well-concealed. They each get really attached to this one person: naturally, each other.

How soft your fields so green by ravenbringslight: Aliens make them do it. Loki is put out because the sex is...fine. He thinks he deserves better.

No Common Thing by ravenbringslight: Loki follows Thor to a brothel. It gets complicated fast.

Face hell and walk backwards into the light by ravenbringslight: Post-IW, Loki is dead but did a really bad job of crossing over. Thor is the only one who can see him.

Hug Therapy by astolat: Thor is trying to save Loki through hugs and other means. His therapist probably needs therapy herself after this.

Take the Long Way Home by cavaleira: Thor and Loki strike a deal.

Inside Out series by hjbender: Loki and Thor get together on the Statesman, it ends in Loki pregnant accidentally, there's a great 'poor Bruce' moment in this one as he deals with their bullshit

The Hope Only of Empty Men by Clarice Chiara Sorcha (claricechiarasorcha): SHIELD/Avengers do some dark medical shit to convince Loki he's pregnant as it calms him down. This one is a bit cracky and dark, don't expect a happy ending

Also Built On Ruins by coyotesuspect: post-Ragnarok, the council decides the solution to the Loki Problem is Thor marrying him. I adore this fic

[helloalycia]

worth the wait [five] // daisy johnson

summary: the longer Daisy spends with you, the more you realise that maybe nine years isn't enough time to get over her.

warning/s: mentions of PTSD.

author's note: this is the final part, but it was a little long so i’ve put it into two posts. hopefully the daisy stans appreciated it 😊

part one | part two | part three | part four | part six | masterlist | wattpad

I woke with a start, immediately feeling my hair sticking to the nape of my neck and the need to shake off my duvet.

The fear of my nightmare still implanted in the pit of my stomach made me reach for my bedside lamp. I half expected someone to grab my hand in the dark, my imagination working overtime to scare the living hell out of me, but nothing happened except for the lamp turning on.

I sat up in bed and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. It was just a dream, nothing real. And I knew that, logically, since I was in my childhood bedroom instead of a dark torture chamber. Yet I couldn't stop crying and imagining the worst.

It was getting worse – the nightmares, the anxiety, the nausea. Ever since Daisy and my mum had told me to see a therapist, I knew it was getting worse, but I still hadn't done anything about it. Clearly, things had to change.

Barely thinking about, I found myself grabbing my phone and dialling Daisy's number. I hadn't spoken to her since she came over, and it was my fault things had been left on a bad note. That was only last week and I felt like an idiot as I heard the phone ringing.

"Hello?" her groggy voice came through, and I immediately felt bad.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I tried to silence my heavy breathing. "Hey, Daisy. It's, er, it's Y/N. I'm sorry, I– I didn't mean to wake you. I–"

"Y/N?" she asked, voice laced with fatigue and confusion. "Are you okay? What is it? Where are you?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you," I said quickly, trying to maintain my shakiness. I brought my legs up to my chest and wrapped an arm around them tightly. "I'm at home. I just–" I flinched, closing my eyes. "I'm sorry, did I wake you? My parents gave me your number and I– I didn't know what else to do–"

"You don't need to apologise," she cut me off, wakening up a little by the sounds of it. "I'm glad you called. What's wrong?"

I smiled dryly, wiping away at my tears. "I, er, you were right about me. I should have–" I breathed out deeply. "I need to talk to someone about... yeah. But right now I... I can't go back to sleep."

"Do you want me to come over? I'm not far and–"

"No, no!" I said quickly, slightly embarrassed. "You don't need to– it's the middle of the night. I just– I don't know what I was expecting. I just didn't want to be alone and I didn't wanna wake my parents and worry them."

"Of course," she said reassuringly. "It's okay. I won't come, but I can stay on the phone with you if you'd like? We can talk. Or we can just stay silent. Anything you want."

I sniffled and put my head between my legs, feeling my shoulders relax a little. The last thing I wanted was to be a bother to her.

"Thanks," I muttered, and I wasn't even sure if she heard it. "I'm sorry for how I acted last week... with this."

"We don't need to talk about it," she said softly, her voice raspy as she'd just woken up. "I just want you to be okay."

I closed my eyes, breathing out quietly. I wasn't sure what to say, but the sound of her voice was instantly reassuring.

It was quiet between us, for at least another minute or so, and all I could hear was her breathing on the other side. As much as I appreciated the company, I knew it was unfair of me to keep her on the phone.

Swallowing hard, I said, "Daisy?"

"Yeah? Are you okay?"

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, knowing I wasn't. "I don't think–" I sighed awkwardly. "I won't be falling asleep any time soon and I– er, you should go. I don't want to keep you on here for no reason."

"It's not for no reason," she reassured. "I'll stay on until you fall asleep, Y/N. You'll get tired eventually."

"But if I don't–"

"I'll stay on."

I nodded, despite her being unable to see me. "Thank you..."

It went quiet again, and I felt my heart rate returning to its normal pace as I distracted myself with the sound of Daisy's breathing. It wasn't hard to tire myself to the sound, as I was already exhausted, just scared. But when I closed my eyes and let her breathing comfort me, it almost felt like she was right next to me, and my fear slowly faded away.

—

When I woke up the next morning, I was drooling on my phone screen as the sun streamed through my curtains. When I wiped my mouth, a yawn escaped my lips and I moved my phone from my pillow, confused to why it was there. But then I remembered the early hours of that morning and felt my face flush with embarrassment. I checked the screen, seeing the call wasn't still on, but there was a text from Daisy.

Daisy: hey, Y/N, I hope you feel better in the morning. I figured you wouldn't want to wake up to me on the phone, so I hung up. Please don't be angry, but I'm on my way over to see you. I just want to make sure you're okay.

That message was sent fifteen minutes ago, so I wouldn't put it past Daisy to already be outside. It was embarrassing, don't get me wrong, but I appreciated that she cared enough to check on me, even after I'd treated her disrespectfully.

I'd just managed to brush my teeth when Daisy arrived. My mum called me downstairs, claiming it was for me, and I tried not to fidget in my pyjamas as I descended the stairs and saw Daisy waiting by the front door. When she saw me, a relieved smile was on her lips.

"Hey," she began quietly, hesitant to say more in case I was mad.

I exhaled slowly, shoulders relaxing at the sight of her. She'd helped me more than she'd known, and with that thought in my mind, I moved forward and hugged her gratefully.

"Thank you," I whispered into her shoulder, closing my eyes as my arms laced around her neck.

She returned the hug and I sensed her surprise.

"Anytime, Y/N," she replied with a squeeze. "I just want you to be okay."

I nodded, lingering for a moment longer than I probably should have, before pulling away. She searched my eyes with a hint of concern and I subconsciously grabbed her hand and kept ahold of it.

"I'm gonna book an appointment with a therapist," I told her, the thought terrifying me in itself, but I knew it was the right thing to do. "And I wanted to ask if you... would you..." I swallowed hard, suddenly unable to meet her eyes. "Will you please come with me?"

"Of course I will," she promised, squeezing my hand and earning my attention. "I'll be with you whenever you want." She blinked, clearing her throat with realisation. "I mean, for the appointments, obviously."

Thankfully, her messy words brought a smile to my face and reassured me about the whole therapy thing.

"Thank you," I said, finding it cute how she was the one to avoid my eyes now. "Since you're here, you may as well stay for breakfast. If you're not busy, that is."

"Breakfast. Sure. I'd love to."

I didn't let go of her hand as I tugged her towards the kitchen to join me.

—

Having Daisy back in my life was probably the best thing to happen to me in a long time.

Not only had she literally saved my life as Quake, but she was also saving my life every day after. Whether it was accompanying me to my therapist appointments or hospital appointments, or hanging out with me way more than she needed to, she was more present in my life. I didn't ask her to – it only began when I'd asked her to come to my first therapist appointment – but she'd chosen to. And I didn't want to question it because I'd missed her more than I cared to admit.

My parents took her in as family like no time had passed and I was accepting her back into my life, too, but I didn't want to get too attached. She had a job to do at the end of the day, and knowing Daisy, she wouldn't stay for too long. I guess, in the back of my head, there was still that expectation of her picking up and leaving, just like she used to. Which was silly, since that was years ago, but still...

Despite her presence in my life again, we'd been avoiding talking about what we'd missed in each other's lives. The specifics anyway. I knew she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. and found her family, and she knew I became an investigative journalist and did many news packages on different topics, but I didn't know anything more and neither did she. I wasn't sure if it was on purpose or if we just avoided it without thinking, but I knew we had to face the music soon.

We were getting coffee after she picked me up from one of my therapy sessions when I brought it up.

"So, my therapist has been helping me with some stuff," I began, staring at my coffee as we walked back to my house. "Stuff outside of my PTSD, that is."

"Oh?" Daisy asked, and I could see her looking at me in the corner of my eyes. "Like what?" 

I took a sip of my coffee, trying not to feel embarrassed as I answered, "Well, we obviously talk about my life. And what happens in it. Who I'm with..."

"Yeah..." Daisy was grinning now.

I rolled my eyes, wishing my face wasn't as warm as it felt. "She noticed you've been dropping me off and picking me up and... you may have come up in conversation."

"Ah, so you talk about me," she said slowly, trying very hard not to laugh. "Did you tell her how amazing I am? Or how beautiful, charming and funny I am?"

I sighed, finally lifting my eyes to look at her. Brown eyes twinkled with amusement as she gave me her usual teasing smile, making me shove her in the shoulder gently. Laughter spilled from her lips and I hated the butterflies in my stomach at the sound.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, falling into step with me again. "You were saying. Go on."

Looking back ahead as we walked, I said, "Yes, well, we talked about you. And then she recommended that I try to catch up with you more. You know? Because we both talk so much about the good old days and even now, but not the in between. Not the parts that we weren't there for."

I looked back to Daisy when I finished, and she thankfully lost her amusement as she nodded in agreement. I half expected her to take the piss, but she was supportive as she glanced at me.

"I like the sound of that," she said, easing the nerves in my stomach. "So. What do you want to know?"

I cleared my throat, taking another sip of my drink and thinking of where to start. "Okay, erm... why don't we start with your S.H.I.E.L.D. friends? They're your family and I would love to get to know them better. What are they like?"

She nodded thoughtfully, sipping her coffee. "S.H.I.E.L.D., okay. Well, you met Jemma. She's basically my sister. Her and Fitz – I think I mentioned him before?" I nodded, recalling her throwing in the name in one of her stories. "They're together and they've been with me since I was recruited a few years ago. We've been through a lot together, but they've got my backs and I've got theirs."

I smiled at the carefree expression on her face. Just talking about them put her at ease and I felt a little better knowing that her time after high school wasn't completely terrible like I imagined.

"Then there's Coulson, of course," she continued, glancing at me every now and then to see if I was listening. "He's basically our dad. He's the reason I'm even with S.H.I.E.L.D. and he's always looking out for me, even when I'm doing stupid stuff."

"So, regularly then."

She nudged me in the arm at my comment, making me chuckle.

"He was how I learnt about my family," she explained. "There for me when I found them. When I got my powers. When I lost my family... he's been there through it all. I'd do anything for him."

I watched her carefully. "He sounds important to you."

Her lips curved into a small smile as brown eyes met mine. "He is."

She continued to tell me about the rest of her team and what everything was like at work, and the whole time she did, she was smiling.

"I'd love for you to meet them all," she finished, and I was surprised at the hint of nervousness in her voice. I didn't think she ever got nervous. "I mean, you've met Jemma, but the others– you should meet them, too. If you want to, that is."

"I'd like that," I said instantly, appreciating the way her eyes lit up and she tried very hard to hide her smile.

She cleared her throat, distracting from the pink spreading on her face, before asking, "So, you basically know about everything interesting that's happened to me these past nine or so years. What about you? Anything life-changing occur for you?" I opened my mouth to answer, and she added, "Apart from travelling around the world and being an investigative journalist?"

I feigned offence. "I hardly think that's fair. That's like me asking you not to talk about working for S.H.I.E.L.D. or being Quake."

Rolling her eyes playfully, she said, "Go on. Tell me something different."

I looked away from her in thought, thinking back to the past nine years. "I guess... oh, I know. I was almost married."

Her jaw dropped. "You were what?"

A laugh escaped my lips at her intrigued expression. She shook her head with disbelief.

"I have to know more," she insisted, before raising her brows. "You? Almost married?"

"It does sound strange," I agreed with amusement, before recalling the event. "It was about two years ago. I was with this guy who worked at the same paper I did. We'd been together for about a year and–"

"–and you realised he had a second family in the Bahamas?" she finished with a roguish grin.

"Very funny." I narrowed my eyes jokingly. "But no. I just realised I didn't love him. Well, I wasn't in love with him."

"Ouch."

"Ouch indeed." I paused, remembering the poor guy's face when I broke the news to him. "It was a month into the engagement when I told him the truth. He was very understanding, but–"

"–but you broke his poor little heart," she concluded, before wrapping an arm around my shoulder and tugging me closer. "Dear Y/N. The heartbreaker."

"Fuck off."

She laughed when she saw me attempting to fight a smile from my lips. Though eventually, one appeared anyway. Daisy always had the ability to bring out the best in me like that – I'd missed it.

"How about you anyway?" I asked, hoping for an opportunity to tease her in return. "Any boyfriends or girlfriends I should know about? Crazy exes, maybe?"

She snorted, swallowing her coffee before giving me a knowing look. "You're gonna need to brace yourself for this one. I doubt you'll believe me when it comes to this."

I rose an eyebrow with curiosity. "Damn, you've got me hooked, Johnson. Proceed."

And of course, that was the first and last time I heard about Agent Grant Ward. An interestingly dark tale of a dickhead of a man whose existence I was glad was no more.

"...so, do I win?" Daisy asked once she finished talking about him.

"Win what?"

She stared like it was obvious. "The best ex story, duh!"

"Wow." I snickered, shaking my head. "I guess you do."

Fist-pumping like an idiot, she said, "Knew it. Nothing ever beats homicidal psychopath almost-boyfriend."

"You need help."

"No, no I don't. I have you."

"Uh-huh."

"Love you, too." 

—

Three months passed since returning from Myanmar and I was finally in a place where I could return to work. Even though I'd been putting together my research and interviews into a coherent news story at home, I hadn't physically been back to the newsroom in about a year.

My therapist had been helping me to treat my PTSD, my physical therapy was helping me get back function in my shoulder and arm, and the injury itself was almost healed, though I still had to wear a cast. Everything was actually beginning to look up.

I'd even sent off the complete news series about what I'd discovered in Myanmar to my editor which got published just before I returned to work. So, of course, as soon as I got there, that was the first thing everybody congratulated me on.

"Views have been going through the roof," Taylor, my colleague and closest friend at work, said as soon as he spotted me walking to my desk. "Your story is all anybody has been talking about!"

"Good to see you, too," I joked, an attempt to disguise my embarrassment at all the attention. "It's only been a year since we last saw each other."

He gave me a grin. "You know I missed you, Y/L/N, get over here."

I rolled my eyes playfully but accepted his hug, being careful of my shoulder. He squeezed me gently before letting go and perching himself on the edge of my desk as I took a seat. It felt strange to be back, but a good strange.

"I still can't believe you're actually here in the flesh," he said after a moment, eyeing me suspiciously. "I've been so used to quick calls and texts where I try to convince you not to do stupid stuff."

Chuckling, I shot him an appreciative smile. "You know I'm grateful for that. Even if I didn't listen."

"You not listening helped you get the best story though," he countered. "I bet you didn't expect S.H.I.E.L.D. to make the bust in the end though."

I sighed, shaking my head. "Definitely not. But I owe them a lot. They saved my life."

His expression softened. "That's another thing... thanks for not dying on me."

"You're welcome," I returned, though appreciated what he meant. "Now. Catch me up on everything I missed. Gossip an' all."

That was enough for him to pull up a seat and remind me of everything I'd missed whilst being away. We'd spoke many times whilst I was gone, but nothing quite beat a good bitching session in person.

Eventually though, our editor ended up interrupting and asked to see me in her office. I wasn't worried in the slightest, but there was still that tiny part of me that imagined the worst.

"You can stop holding your breath, y'know," Karla told me when I stopped before her desk. She seemed amused as she added, "I wanted to congratulate you on the human trafficking story."

Relaxing my shoulders, I raised my brows. "Oh. I– thank you. I'm glad you liked it."

"You put a lot on the line to get the results you did, but it shows," she continued proudly. "You've made an excellent name for yourself and done your fellow journalists proud."

"I didn't do it for that," I said politely, "but thank you. I just wanted to help those people in Myanmar the best I could."

She smiled. "And you did."

"Well, S.H.I.E.L.D. did."

"But you shared the truth, didn't you?" she reminded me. "Don't belittle this achievement."

I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet and watched as she took a seat at her desk chair.

"I heard that it was Quake who saved you back there," she said curiously. "You know, we've never actually gotten an interview with her. Nobody has."

Oh, so that's what she actually wanted.

"I thought, well, since you know her, you could get us an exclusive?" she asked.

I chewed on my lip. "Erm..."

"You don't have to," she added, noticing my reluctance. "But it could be good for everyone. The city can get to know its hero, you can get a great interview under your belt. And our paper gets all the views. What d'you say?"

I was beginning to regret putting that one quote from Daisy in my article now... I should have known Karla would want more. That was the thing with editors – you give them one taste and they want to eat the whole thing.

"I'll ask," I decided, which she seemed to love. "No harm in asking, but I can't promise anything."

Karla leaned back in her seat, nodding. "Very true. Thank you for understanding. I'll let you settle back into work now. Remember to take it easy, yeah? Don't want to lose my best journalist from overworking herself."

I smiled awkwardly as she laughed, before nodding in response and leaving her office.

It wasn't that I didn't want to interview Daisy, but I didn't want to ruin what we had by asking for a favour. Everything between us was going well, even if it was probably temporary and she'd have to leave soon. I assumed that anyway. And on top of that, I was certain I was falling in love with her again, just like I had nine years ago.

Could you blame me? It was impossible to just remain friends with her when she went through all this extra effort to make sure I was okay. Her kind, considerate, supportive self was always on my mind whether I liked it or not. A girl could dream, right?

After my first day back, Daisy picked me up outside. She insisted when she rang me at lunchtime to make sure I was okay, wanting to know everything about how my first day went. I couldn't find it in myself to say no, so I eventually found her sat on a chair in the lobby when I came downstairs after work.

[herstarburststories]

You Have A Home

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader

Summary: After a call from Y/N, Sam comes back town to help -- and brings Dean with him.

Requests: N°1 heyhey, could you do a Sam x reader where they went to college togehter and later meet again and they realise their feelings for eachother...xx + N°2: can you do a college sam headcanon with medicine student reader

A/N: This was fun! The monster here is mentioned in season 6, when the boys ask Bobby for advice on how to kill it. This is my first Samgirl long imagine, with Dean being the flirty he is. I wrote this almost one year ago, so it's more crude and I'm nervous to be posting it! And my piece for @cajunquandary 's 600 challenge, my prompt was monster of the week. Dividers by @talesmaniac89!

Dean's eyes remained on the road when the bitter statement left his body, tangled with a wry chuckle, “I can't believe you are still in touch with those people.”

“Those people?” Sam arched elbows, slightly skeptical by his brother's tone, “They were my friends, Dean.”

“Sammy, all our friends? Dead. They all die. Or worse.” He glanced at him for a moment, pursing his lips together. It might not be an easy assignment, but was part of the job. Sammy had tried to run away plenty times and always came back, when would he understand? “We don't get to have friends. You should've learned that.”

“They are not our friends, they are my friends. Also, they don't know about the hunting life, they aren't in harm.” Sammy hissed once the other locked his green eyes on the road again. Dean sighed, moving one hand away and up from the steering wheel in a rendition gesture.

“Whatever you say, man. I'm just warning you, this doesn't usually end up good for them.”

Sam scoffed, Dean could get on his nerves sometimes, “We saved many people that got to have a good life.”

“Yeah, but those people didn't know us before that. I told you when you left Stanford--”

“I didn't keep contact, okay!? I just... I just still have a phone that they have the number of. No social media, no calls on birthdays.” Nervously gesticulating, he added, “I know how to keep them safe, Dean.”

“So, old friend?” The eldest Winchester asked after the few minutes of silence that followed Sam's outburst, “Female old friend?”

“Yes. (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Dean smirked, and Sam to rolled his eyes at his behavior, “Keep it in your pants.”

He'd let out a malicious laughter before turning on the radio, the first guitar sounds of AC/DC playing in the background.

“I think you'll be the one not keeping it, Sammy.”

“Hello?” The woman in nothing but a towel who had opened the door greeted them with a question, her brown eyes glaring at the two men with clear confusion.

Dean had no shame to check her out, innerly celebrating that she was still wet from her shower. Perhaps visiting Sam's friends wasn't that big mistake. “Hey, you.”

She grimaced at Dean for two seconds before turning her attention to Sam again, sudden recognition written on her face.

“Sam? Sam Winchester?” He nodded, smiling that light-hearted boyish grin at her. Not caring about her dressings, she just threw herself at Sammy, hugging him tightly. “I missed you!” She pulled away only to hit his shoulder. Her short stature didn't match Sam's, but he'd still make a grimace at her attempt of slap. “Why didn't you call? God, your hair grew a lot. Listen, I have some scissors.”

“Tried that, didn't work.” Dean interrupted their reencounter, trying to get in the conversation. An usual lopsided grin on his face, “Dean Winchester, Sam's brother.”

“Layla, Sam's friend.” She gave him a friendly smile in return, opening space for them to pass through the door before closing it, “Come in, I need to change in clothes.”

“I wouldn't even dream of that. Seriously.”

Layla would just wiggle one of her brows at Dean's comments, not impressed by it, “Ele é sempre assim? (Is he always like this?)”

Thankfully, Sam still remembered a bit of his friend's native language. He just chuckled, managing to apologize for Dean's typical Dean behavior, “Unfortunately. Sinto muito. (I'm sorry)”

“(Y/N) is in the kitchen. I'll be right back.” Her accent was thicking stronger duo the comfortability around Sam. Excusing herself, the caramel skinned girl leaded upstairs.

“What did she say?” Dean asked, side glancing at the path Layla had just gone on, not even sure of which language she'd just spoken, much less what was said. Sammy didn't bother replying, satisfied to grin at his obvxion brother. “Dude, come on!”

“Sam!” A well-known voice filled the room as the image of (Y/N) appeared in front of them, dressing your loyal cook's avental. You didn't think twice before jumping on Sam. “I missed you, giant!”

He, like always, caught you with a light-hearted laughter, “I missed you too, cupcake.” You two spent a few moments like this, enjoying each other's warm and long lost touch, until Dean cleared his throat. You finally went back to the ground, embarrassed by having a stranger to see that level of intimacy between you and Sam, “This is Dean, my--”

“Handsome brother. Hello, cupcake.” Dean was so going to tease Sam for the rest of his life for it.

“You really live up for Sam's description.” You giggled, heading towards the kitchen “Come in, I'm baking.”

“So, you and Layla still live together?”

“Most of the time, yes. You know how she is, comes and goes. Never wanted to stay in a place for too long and got a job that supported that.” The boys followed you, Dean examining the kitchen and trying to discover what you were cooking through the smell, while Sam couldn't take his eyes on you, “Apparently, just like you.”

Even though your back was facing them as you checked the food, the bite didn't pass unnoticed, “I had to leave, (Y/N)”

“I understand that, Sam. But you never called or texted. It was like I--” You quickly corrected yourself, “We never existed for you.”

“It's not like that.” Sam sighed, how could he justify? He knew you wouldn't buy a simple excuse. You were smart, and knew him too well to swallow a 'I went on a trip with my brother and just decided that college wasn't my deal' and leave it for that.

“I'm here!” Layla declared, arriving into the room with an excited smile, it was good to have the gang back together. Although, the tangible tension almost made her go back to the shower, “Am I interrupting something?”

“A sitcom DR.” Dean answered with sarcasm, spreading his figure on the chair when you turned around with an apple pie in your hands “What about we talk about the ca-- Is this pie?”

“We heard a scream followed by a loud roar and (Y/N) stayed near the camping part because there was still a signal and I went looking for who it was. When I got there, the thing ran away. Jorge's body... No human did that. His chest was cracked open irregularly, as if it was done by an animal and his heart looked weird. Like it was squeezed and drawn on up somehow?”

“We got a Samia.” Dean stated, relaxing on his spot. Some sault, rosemary and fire would do the job just fine, “Let me guess, it left a clawn near the body or inside it?”

Layla nodded, “Right in the chest or what lasted of it.”

“Are you okay? Finding the body in that state.” A comprehensive manner englobed Sam's question, whom noticed the normality with his friend described finding a shattered body.

“Just some guts.” She shrugged, a grimace was all the reaction they'd get. Crying wouldn't help, neither being terrorized as they expected her too. “I've seen Grey's Anatomy enough not to care about it.”

“Well, I'm literally a medicine student and I am still not okay with that. Especially after you made me go and check the body.” You argued, glaring at your best friend who'd only roll her eyes in response.

“I needed a professional to say if he was dead or not!”

“You need a therapist.”

Dean got up, looking straight at Layla. Time to play the hero in shining armor, “Don't worry with that, we will take care of it.”

Frowning, you were the one to respond, “Do you work for the police now or?”

“Are implying that we investigate it by ourselves?” Your best friend added.

Dean couldn't believe his brother. How the fuck did he let them get inside without saying they didn't know about the hunting business? It was a luck shot that they didn't think much when he said Samia.

“Nope. Not you two. We will do it.” The blonde one said, pointing at them with a smirk.

“I agree, we will do it.” Layla replied, matching his taunt smile.

“Sam, I'm not letting you and your brother do it by yourself. Jorge was my professor, I knew him. Besides, we found the body.” You got on your feet and crossed your arms, waiting for a response. Sam always had a sort of hero complex, ready to help no matter what, but there was no way you'd be letting him go into danger with his brother. Getting in your dormitory to kill a cockroach back then or facing an idiot during a bar fight to protect one of your friends was something, but this? They were talking about looking for an assassin. What if something happened to him? You were the one who called. All on you. The thought of Sam getting hurt for any reason was unbearable, but because of you? You weren't willing to do that.

“You would be in danger, (Y/N). You both.” He tried to explain, internally hoping you'd accept his reasoning and let it go. Sam didn't want you to become one of the friends who knew about this life, you deserve more. He already lost one woman he loved in this city, he couldn't lose another.

You huffed in frustration, “Just like you will!” 

“It's different.” As he was terrified of, you insisted. Arms crossed still and eyes locked with his, determined to get something from him. Sam was smart enough to know that you would keep it going. Perhaps he could give you a short explanation, “Me and my brother, we are used to this. We hunt things like that.”

Layla tilted her head to the side. The way Sam talked remembered her of animal hunting, although she highly doubted that was the case, “Little more explanation?'”

“Monsters are real. Vampires, werewolves, spirits. The list goes on. Call us crazy. Roll the credits.” Sarcasm saltered every word of Dean's as he gestured up and down with a cocky smile. Everyone glared at him, a special furious look from his brother, “What? I thought they knew what we did and that's why she called.”

“Sam?” Your voice was fragile when you said his name, a demonstration that you would believe him through the fear of the truth, but that he had to say it.

Sam laid his hazel eyes on you. God, how he wished he didn't have to confirm anything, to break your vision of world so abruptly, “Dean is right. Supernatural things are real. I know it sounds--”

“Unbelievable? Problematic? Scary?”

“Yeah, all of them.” Sam offered you a humorless smile, then holding your hand the way he used to when you were nervous about an exam, “But I wouldn't lie to you, cupcake.”

The silence was broken by Layla opening a bottle of Whiskey, pouring them for the three people in the room besides herself. You rolled your eyes at your best friend, while Sam wore a tiny smile and Dean was astonished.

Noticing the eyes glued, the latina just shrugged “What? If you are gonna tell me that Dracula is real and you are a sort of Buffy's apprentice, then we will need some alcohol.”

“Why did you call?” Sammy asked, his brows knotted together, mouth slight open as he waited for your response. “You didn't know what I did. And he wasn't my professor at Stanford. Then why did you call, (Y/N)?”

You could make up a hundred excuses. Lie and say he was the one friend besides Layla that you had somehow a way to get to. Appeal to the excuse of 'I felt something weird about the death and you said I should call if I ever had a problem of any kind'. But for as much as you felt horrible for using a death as a pretext for calling him, that was partially the truth. You already had put yourself into a mess of monsters and a drained heart, it couldn't be scarier than being honest to Sam and to yourself.

At least, you hoped so. But your heart was rushing like when you saw Jorge's body. Jesus, when did love become so morbid?

You took a deep breath, oxygen barely achieving your lungs, and then started to talk.

“I wanted to call you the minute that you left, Sam. I almost did a million times.” You answered, looking down at the bottle of a sort of plant that he was putting in a dark green bag. “I thought about what you could be doing, what was so important that you couldn't send me a message. But you just didn't want to call, I guess.”

“I wanted to call, of course I did.” You scoffed at his statement, looking up to match his eyes, “(Y/N), I'm serious.”

“You didn't even come to Jess' funeral, Sam. Layla said that maybe you needed to leave to clear your mind, that was too much to deal with. But I was so worried, and sad and confused and I wanted to talk to you because you would understand, you always did. About anything. And I wanted to give you some sort of comfort, but--” You lifted your hands and shrugged your shoulder, a broken chuckle leaving your body. “But you weren't here.”

“You stopped leaving messages after two weeks. Calling was gone when it made a moth.” You sniffed. Sam's lips curved into a pure, cautelous grin. God, he was always so sweet. “The emails took two months.”

“You were never good with dates. I gave you a calendar in your freshman week.” Your teeth met your lower lip. He didn't answer, only nodding at your affirmation, omitting the fact that he still had the calendar between latin books and pieces of newspapers, “Yet, you remember all of it.”

Sam leaned forward, holding your hand with all the delicacy you would expect from a sculptor. It had been too long since he hugged you, and his touch made all your skin tickle with warmth. “I missed you too, (Y/N). I thought about you all those years.”

“So, Cupcake?”

"Let's focus on the case, Dean."

“Then you can go back and eat your cupcake?” He remarked with a grin. His brother just huffed, pointing the flashlight through the trees, “So, Layla…”

Sam rolled his eyes, like he usually did when Dean started being too Dean for his liking, “Dean. The case.”

Before he could make another teaseful comment, a roar invaded their audition. The hunters gave each other a quick glance before heading towards the direction of the noise.

Shaking the salt and rosemary mixture in his hands, Dean smirked, “That's it. Time to shine, cupcake.”

“I have to admit. Being patched up by a doctor is better than by Dean.”

A surprised, half relieved laughter came out your body as you finished another stitch on Sam's arm. That boy was unbelievable; openly talking and making jokes about his brother, who was also being patched up by your best friend in company of a bottle of whiskey, while he spoke about Layla's name being a rock song. You were working on a large wound on his shoulder-- which you were sure that was full of dirt from the forest.

Medicine student, but I'll take that complement.” You winked at him, gaining a soft grin from Sammy, “I was expecting more blo-- Why are you smiling? I'm touching a recent wound. It doesn't look dangerous, but I'm sure it is supposed to hurt. A lot.”

Sam's answer came out easily, the bare, vulnerable truth: “I'm happy you are here.”

You looked at him, his hair longer than before, but the soft simper remained on his face. You bit your lip to hold a giggle; her heart dared to hope. What he expected when he said things like this? A quiet contentment spread through his expression while he watched your reaction.

“You should have come home sooner.” 

His mouth formed a line, “I don't have a home, (Y/N). It's just Dean, me and the road now.”

“No, Sam.” Shaking your head lightly, you intertwined your fingers with his. His life was dangerous, you couldn't afford the luxury of waiting even more to share what you had finally admitted to yourself in the moment he walked through the door. It didn't seem like the easiest, simpler situation. But the only hard thing you couldn’t go through was to be away from Sam Winchester. He lingered on you for years, you were done letting him run away. It was time to hold his hand and walk together. “You should've come home sooner. To me.”

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[sugarandspace]

The Storms That We've Braved

Summary: Buck visits the Diaz household in the middle of a school day and is greeted by a guilty-looking Eddie and a happy Christopher who is watching movies instead of being in school like he should be.

A/N: I love post-tsunami fics and wanted to write something that focuses on how Eddie is doing after it and this happened!

AO3

Buck knocks on Eddie’s door, his other hand holding the takeout coffees. He had been using his day off productively by running some errands and had stopped at their favorite coffee place after, deciding that instead of going home, he could visit Eddie. It’s a school day so Christopher won’t be home, but Buck can see Eddie’s truck on the driveway and knows that his friend is in the house.

It takes a moment before the door opens, and when it does Eddie looks surprised.

“Buck?”

“Hey,” Buck greets and moves past Eddie into the house. “I thought I’d stop by.”

Eddie closes the door and when Buck looks at him again he can see that something is off with Eddie. He looks tired and as Buck studies his best friend’s face closer, he can see that Eddie looks almost… guilty?

Did he interrupt something?

“I can leave,” Buck says slowly. “If this is a bad time.”

“It’s not-” Eddie starts, but he’s interrupted by Christopher appearing from the living room.

“Buck!” Christopher says happily. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“Hey Superman,” Buck says and crouches down to greet Christopher with a one-armed hug while he’s trying not to spill the coffees. Eddie sees him struggle and takes the cups from his hand, and Buck is able to hug Christopher properly.

If the hug lasts longer than normal, no one but Buck needs to know that it’s because last night he woke up at 4 am screaming the boy’s name.

It’s been two weeks since the tsunami. The physical scars have healed and Buck’s back at work - albeit in light duty. He doesn’t exactly like it but he’ll endure it if it means that he’ll eventually be back with his team.

It’s the mental scars that are taking a little longer to heal. As if the trauma of being in a natural disaster wasn’t enough, he’d been there with Christopher, and on a day when Eddie had left him alone with the kid for the first time.

Buck lets go then, before the thoughts get a tighter hold on him and he’s unable to do it at all.

“It’s a surprise visit,” he tells Christopher. He knows that the boy should be in school right now but he doesn’t want to ask him why he isn’t, in case it has something to do with the tsunami and he would bring up bad memories when the boy is smiling so widely. “What are you up to?”

“Dad and I are watching movies!” Christopher tells happily. “You should join us!”

Buck looks at Eddie who still looks like he got caught doing something he shouldn’t, but Eddie nods and it’s all Buck needs to be able to answer Christopher.

“I’d love to,” he says. “You can go on and continue watching the movie, I want to talk to your dad first.”

“Okay!” Christopher says and disappears back to the living room, using the wall for balance as he walks.

Buck nods towards the kitchen and they both walk there, and Eddie places the cups on the counter.

“I know he should be in school,” Eddie says immediately, like he thinks Buck needs to know that he knows. He leans his hip against the counter and Buck mirrors his position next to him.

“Why isn’t he?” Buck asks kindly. “Is he sick? Did he have another nightmare?”

Buck knows he’s not the only one who’s been struggling with nightmares. Eddie told him at work that Christopher has been waking up some nights, scared and crying. After a particularly bad one, Eddie had called him at 2 am apologising profusely at waking Buck up, but explained that Christopher was refusing to go back to sleep until he heard that his Buck was okay.

Little did Eddie know that Buck hadn’t been sleeping either.

“He’s fine,” Eddie says. “I think talking to that therapist has helped him. He hasn’t had any nightmares for the past two nights.”

“Then what is it?” Buck asks.

Eddie’s silence is worrying, but Buck doesn’t push him. He seems to be struggling with whatever it is and Buck doesn’t want to make him shut down when he’s about to say something.

“It’s me,” Eddie says quietly. He rubs a hand across his eyes and looks down to their feet, looking almost angry with himself. “I had a nightmare and I couldn’t send him to school so soon after it. We were eating breakfast and I kept thinking about spending the next few hours without him and I didn’t want that. I needed to be able to remind myself that he’s okay.”

Buck is about to say something but Eddie continues speaking. It’s like he’s trying to get it all out as fast as possible before he loses the courage.

“And I know it’s selfish,” he says. “I know his education is important and that he has friends at school he likes to spend time with and that he genuinely enjoys most of his classes. I know all that.”

He looks up at Buck then, like he needs Buck to understand that.

“I know,” Buck says. “You love that kid and you want to do what’s best for him. But it’s okay to do what’s best for you as well. What happened wasn’t easy for you either, and if you want to keep your kid a little closer than normal, no one can blame you. Missing a day of school is okay. I think having a small break and spending time with you might be good for him too.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything and Buck isn’t sure if he believes his words, so he decides to change the topic for now. But only a little.

“Do you want to talk about that nightmare you had?” He asks. He’s half-convinced that Eddie will just brush him off because Eddie doesn’t like to be vulnerable. But he also thinks that Eddie looks like he might want to talk this time, and Buck will do all he can to make it easier for him. “Was it about the tsunami?”

Eddie nods.

“I wasn’t even there,” Eddie says, and he sounds so damn guilty Buck wants to shake him and make him see that he did nothing wrong. “I didn’t see the horrors you two had to see, I didn’t experience even a fraction of the things you two went through. I should be able to be strong for him.”

“Eddie,” Buck sighs. “It’s understandable that what happened shook you as well. You might not have been there when the tsunami hit, but you had to stand at that field hospital and listen to me tell you that I had lost your son and-”

“You didn’t lose him,” Eddie interjects. “It was a natural disaster and it took you two away from each other. None of it was your fault.”

Eddie’s voice is strong and he looks Buck in the eyes as he says it, making sure the words are heard and understood.

“Thank you,” Buck says, because replying with I know still feels a little bit like a lie. It’s something he’s working on, and he appreciates Eddie’s help. He wants to be able to help Eddie too. “But my point still stands. There was a moment when you didn’t know where your son was and what might have happened to him. All you knew was that he’d been in the eye of the biggest natural disaster the state has had in years. I can’t even imagine the fear you felt in that moment.”

Eddie is quiet for a moment before he says, still looking at Buck intently.

“I don't think you need to. I think you know.”

Buck gives him a sad smile in reply.

“What happened was traumatic for you too,” Buck summarises. “It’s okay to be affected by it.”

“When did you get so wise?” Eddie asks, obviously trying to lighten the conversation up. Buck allows it.

“Therapy,” he replies with a smile on his face. “I can recommend a good therapist if you want to.”

To his surprise, Eddie seems to be considering it.

“Maybe,” he says. “But now I have a movie to finish.”

Buck laughs.

“I can leave you to it,” he says, happy to see Eddie smiling again and glad that he was able to make him feel a little better. “I know you want to spend time with Christopher.”

Eddie’s smile falls after those words.

“Stay,” he says. Then after a short pause, “Christopher’s not the only one I want to spend time with after last night.”

Buck looks confused for a moment before he understands. He was in Eddie’s nightmare as well.

“You mean a lot to me,” Eddie says, and Buck tries to ignore the way his heart stops a beat. If only Eddie knew how much he means to Buck. But this is not the time for that conversation, so Buck listens as Eddie keeps talking. “And sometimes I worry. With Christopher it’s easier. I can be there for him when he has a nightmare and if I have a nightmare, I can walk to his room and make my dumb brain believe that he’s okay.”

“I told you that you can call anytime,” Buck reminds him. “I meant if Christopher has a nightmare but I meant if you need it too. Anytime, Eddie. And for any reason.”

“That goes both ways,” Eddie says. “And before you try to say anything, I’ve seen the dark bags under your eyes. I know that you don’t get enough sleep. And I can fathom a guess why that is.”

Buck doesn’t try to argue, knows it would be pointless. He also knows that he loves Eddie more every day.

When Buck’s words fail him, he trusts his actions. He steps closer and pulls Eddie into a tight hug.

“We’ll be okay,” he says and he truly believes his words. “All three of us.”

Eddie holds him back just as tightly, “We have each other.”

Buck’s heart warms at being included, and he holds the hug until he can feel Eddie pulling back.

“I think we have a movie waiting for us,” Eddie says with a warm smile and nods towards the living room. “You take the coffees, I’ll grab a juice for Christopher.”

Buck does as he’s told and they go to the living room where they settle comfortably on the couch, Christopher in the middle.

By the time the credits roll around, all three of them are asleep on the couch, in various states of leaning against each other. It might be a very uncomfortable position, but it’s the best rest Buck has had in two weeks.

[olivetreehugger]

SnK Scouts/Veterans as Health Care Workers

Note: features Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Levi, Erwin and Hange. A part two to my “SnK Warriors as HCWs” post found here. warning: mentions of blood, trauma, gore (it’s healthcare). Also, I know Hange is nb, I headcanon them as female, so I will be using she/her pronouns. 

Eren: this boy is definitely too involved in everything and has too many people depending on him at once to not be a nurse. The kid barely passed the NCLEX but that didn’t stop him from applying to every trauma center within a 25 mile radius of him. He got hired as a night shift trauma ICU nurse  and he frequently picks up shifts in the ER. He wears the cheapest scrubs he can find, often stained with ink in the pockets area. He isn’t a shitty nurse per se but there are tasks that still need to be done at the end of his shift and he gives a crappy report that’s missing too many details. Nurses hate picking up his patients, it’s always a mess. His charting is really spotty and he gets called into the manager’s office all the time to fix it. 

Still, he tries really hard to improve his time management and skills. He wants to be like his friends Mikasa and Reiner, who are the best nurses he knows. He wants to be involved in the traumatic cases and emergencies because he wants to learn as much as he possibly can. He’s really good at wound care, for some reason (hint hint). He’s kinda cocky sometimes too, which can be troublesome when Dr. Galliard is working. People know to steer clear of those two when they’re both  in the ER. Also, Eren always has a black cloud around him; whenever he works it’s gonna be a hella busy day in the hospital. Lots of emergency surgeries, intubations, codes and deaths. He’ll always jump in to help you if your patient is crashing, though, no matter how busy he is. 

Mikasa: she’s a prodigy. She was a straight ‘A’ student in nursing school, got a perfect 75 on the NCLEX and was immediately hired to the trauma ICU after doing a short internship there. She worked night shift for a year but her sleep schedule was so so fucked she started having night terrors, so she switched to day shift. Eren still calls her a traitor for it :/. She keeps trying to get him to switch over but he just hisses at her and threatens to chug a case of Monster energy drinks. She hasn’t given upon him yet, though.

This girl’s work ethic is beyond measure. She comes in exactly at 6:30 am, looks up her patients, takes report, gives a great update to the doctors when they round, and provides impeccable care to her patients. She knows exactly which treatments the doctors will order before they even speak. She’s incredible at inserting IVs--everyone in the hospital knows Mikasa Ackerman can put an 18g in a 90  yr old lady’s arm AND get blood return (just trust me, it’s flipping impossible). She has great skill when it comes to emergency situations and is a big believer in team work. If she notices your patient’s crashing and you don’t know what to do, she’ll calmly coach you and save your patient, too. All before lunch time. 

It doesn’t take Mikasa long to be promoted to charge nurse. When she’s in charge all the reports, paperwork and audits are completed before shift change. She divides the patient assignments really well and is very fair to the new grads. All around she’s an incredible nurse and leader on her unit, but don’t be fooled. If it’s been a rough day, Mikasa will get in her car and sob so loud her throat goes raw. A lot of people depend on her and working in a trauma ICU is really, really demanding. A lot of patients are demanding, rude and busy. She has a lot of trouble with stress management and is thinking of cutting her hours down so she can catch a break. Someone please hug her <3

Armin: for some reason my brain is just SCREAMING respiratory therapist. Like, I imagine this beautiful blond boy in gray scrubs (the color for RT’s in my hospital) going around helping intubate patients, giving nebulizer treatments and doing blood gases. I can just see him huffing and puffing when the attending doctor is overzealous about weaning vent support. -“Why are we changing the patient to pressure support? do you see how tachypneic he is on volume control?”

-“are you gonna put in the order? if not, your patient’s gonna be on PRVC all day, I’m not changing it without an order”

-“Doc, the patient looks like crap and their blood gas looks like death...oh, you still wanna extubate? ok, well I’m gonna leave the ventilator in here just in case. better yet, let me call a pastor in here, too.”

This kid is sassy af and he knows it. He’s smart af too, knows everything there is to know about the lungs and respiratory care. Knows every ventilator mode better than most doctors. Will certainly tell a resident off for ordering the wrong type of inhaler for a patient. He’s so damn intelligent that he even made the ice queen Annie melt like a popsicle. 

 He has no chill when it comes to his patients and even less chill (like -4078875874670) when a doctor gets in his way. For this reason, Armin has recently been toying with the idea of going to PA school so he can have a little more autonomy. He works al over the hospital, usually frequenting the trauma, CV, and medical ICU. The nurses there love him. 

Jean: Jeannie boy. Baby. Sweetie. He’s also a nurse. He is strictly dayshift and trauma. When he first started, he thought he’d do a year in the ICU and then go to CRNA school. He didn’t want to be around sickly patients with hopes and dreams and fears--it was too icky for him. But, over time, he learned that he LOVED trauma. Jean loves the controlled chaos that comes with the ugly, bloody messes that roll in through the ICU’s doors. He always gears up for trauma season (summer time) by bringing Dunkin Donuts iced coffee for everyone on the unit (day and night shift because he’s a supportive king). He gets really good at dealing with arrogant trauma residents and ortho docs who think they’re hot shit. When Jean sees a resident yelling at a nurse, he jumps in and threatens to have their license revoked. He will dig under their skin and page them incessantly throughout the day, too, just to get back at them. Jean is not a fan of lateral violence in the workplace, no sir. 

He always, always makes sure every room is stocked and new bags are hanging for the next shift. He has a thing where if things aren’t properly organized on the unit his brain just spazzes. He’s on the unit council and education committee because he also loves to teach the new grads. He also doubles as charge nurse, when management can’t be there (there can be one or more charge nurses amongst the staff, they usually work different days, though) He and Mikasa work so well together, teaming up to get tasks done, coding patients, running them down to get scanned, etc. People joke they’re the mom and dad of the unit. It makes them both blush <3 (Eren doesn’t like it, lol)

Jean loves to see patients healing from horrendous injuries, he’s constantly cracking jokes with the awake patients to try to make them feel better, and he’s really good at calming anxious family members down. Our boy just makes such good connections with people. He’s the guy you call when your confused patient is one second away from ripping his breathing tube out. He can convince the most restless, agitated patient to chill out. He’s got the voice for it. Also people love his mullet. It looks great. 

Connie: I really didn’t know at first but I feel like Connie would make a great physical therapist. He’s got great energy, he’s funny and I could see him dancing to Earth, Wind & Fire in front of his patients to hype them up for therapy. He’d be very sweet with them 

Sasha: I’m sick and tired of the food jokes, quite honestly. She’s more than that. In my mind, she’s an occupational therapist, helping disabled patients learn to feed, dress and clean themselves again. She works directly with Connie as they round on all their patients in the hospital, they make a great team!  She’s extremely patient and would make a very good nurse, but is unsure of where life is taking her. That is until she meets Niccolo the dietician in the cafeteria, and she falls hard. He encourages her to follow her heart and she does!  

Levi: Hm. This one stumped me. Levi is a bit...cold. It’s not like he has incredible social skills. He’s meticulous and focused and kinda mean? He reminds me of an anesthesiologist, tbh. Like he’ll sedate the shit outta you for surgery, makes sure you don’t die on the table, and then drops you off to the unit as fast as he can. He never takes off his mask while in the hospital and he scrubs maybe four times before surgery. He is very good at medication calculations and knows everything about nerve blocks, intubation, pain medication and sedation. He can look at a person and just KNOW what kind of sedative to give and how much. Your blood pressure will never bottom out while he’s there, he’ll warn the surgeon and immediately get that norepinephrine started.

 If Zeke is the one operating, Levi is on his ass to finish up the surgery ASAP and to not linger, because Zeke takes his time and ignores the tele monitor alarming in the background. After surgery, this 5′2 demon will scream at the 6′ resident about the importance of blood pressure management and sedation in neurosurgical patients. Levi plays no games and he also just really hates Zeke lol

He seems like a jerk but genuinely cares about getting his peeps through surgery. His favorite surgeon to work with is Hange Zoe, because she’s brilliant and fast, but also cognizant of her patient’s hemodynamics. Levi likes taking trauma cases as long as it’s with her. When he drops a patient off to the trauma ICU or goes there to intubate, he makes sure Jean or Mikasa are there because he knows everything is gonna go smoothly. He trusts them a lot. He likes Armin, too and even let him intubate a few times. On his breaks, he’s drinking tea and reading a Williams & Sonoma catalog or scrolling through cleaning Tik Tok lol.

Erwin: This man. This beautiful and hunky beefcake. Omg. I HC him as someone who went to nursing school, became a charge nurse on the trauma unit back in the early 2000′s and fell in love with it. Erwin would eventually fall in love with leadership and educating, too. He went back to school and earned his Doctorate of Nursing Practice (a practice doctorate). He managed the trauma unit for ten years before his brilliant leadership skills and wicked smart brain got him elected as the Director of Trauma Surgery recently. He is the first person with a nursing degree and DNP to ever accomplish this, so it’s very controversial. A lot of toxic doctors threaten to leave the hospital for this (because they’re assholes), but Erwin threatens to fire them in response and it usually shuts them up. 

He often holds lectures in the hospital auditorium. With a mind and voice like his, people are so drawn in by him. He advocates for nursing staff, for reimbursement when continuing their education, better staffing, parking, etc. He makes nice with doctors and gets them to sign petitions for the nurses to get these things. He’s a bit manipulative He’s also a fantastic manager and director, he’s really good at negotiating things. The nurses and residents all love him because he rounds on every ICU frequently, brings food, and asks them how he can help. He can be a bit daunting because of his height and deep voice but once he starts talking to you, you just get sucked in. All around an absolute king. 

Hange: This character reminds me of a trauma surgeon and intensivist (ICU doctor) we have, Dr. Omi. A great surgeon, really really smart, but takes absolutely NO bullshit. She will yell at you if you freeze during intubating. She wants you to recite every step before you take it, otherwise she’ll take the tube from you and do it herself. In surgery, she’s the same way. She wants you to learn, but by her standards. If she asks a question, you better know the answer or fess up right away, she doesn’t like the “uhms” of uncertainty as you try to search for a shitty response. Either you know it or you don’t. And if you don’t, she’ll teach you. Yeah she can be rough around the edges, but she’s got a big heart. She loves her trauma team. She buys them breakfast and gives them funny personalized gifts. One time, she bought an apply tree for Mikasa and brought it to her car at the end of a shift. Mikasa forgot to plant it and it died in her backseat. Hange will sometimes ask, “Mikasa, how’s your apple tree growing?” and Mikasa will lie through her teeth. “It’s growing!” Fess up, Mikasa. Those google search apple trees are starting to look familiar.

All around Hange loves to work and teach. She is a wonderful trauma surgeon and has saved tons of lives.  

[buckysmischief]

running in the dark - 1

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 1,291

Warning(s): language, angst from the start but ends on a good note

AN: It you haven’t seen x men first class and/ or don’t know who Alex Summers is & need a face for the character, just google Lucas Till. & if anyone wants to be tagged, there’s 23 spots.

to the permanent tags - if you don’t want to be on the list anymore for any reason at all, message me and let me know. ill be making a post about it in a few days (maybe) but just figured id mention it now lol

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Your attention wasn’t fully on Alex and he could tell, “Where’s your head at?”

“You,” you lied, “and this game.”

“You hate baseball, Yn. Don’t lie.” Alex Summers was a blonde hair blue eyes masterpiece who was sculpted by the gods, too bad their temper wore off on him.

In the hopes of avoiding a public argument, you thought telling the truth would be the safest bet, “My anxiety is just really high, Wanda and Pietro kinda dropped a bomb on me before I left the house and I haven’t processed it. Remember my old neighbor that I was close to, but we fell out of touch? He’s coming back apparently.” For a moment you thought he had dropped it, but no, he’s been wanting to start a fight since you made him late to the game.

“So you’re telling me that you’re thinking of another guy and the irrelevance of his life to yours in the middle of a date that I paid for?” He always knew how to play the victim, and any other night you would have fallen for it, but not tonight. So you ignored him. “Well I’m gonna go, have fun finding a way home.”

You didn’t have to find one, Wanda was always on standby for situations like this - which was reason number four she didn’t like him. The fact that it happened more than once wasn’t information you wanted to share, but after a long session with your therapist you knew that it wouldn’t do well to keep that information to yourself. If Bucky was here it would have been him, which was something else she wanted to talk about but your time would always run out around that point.

The drive to the house from the stadium was short and quiet, but the moment the smell of the ocean began to fill your senses you felt yourself becoming more grounded. Living at the beach was the one condition you had when Wanda suggested you get a place together, which is why she had four houses picked out before she even asked you.

You just wanted to go sit on the roof and watch the waves crash into the sand, but if Pietro’s car parked in the driveway meant anything it was that the three of you were in for one hell of a night.

“Hey there, doll.” Correction, the four of you. “Long time no see.”

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Anger was never an emotion you felt for Bucky before he left, but over time it became the only one you could remember.

Bucky knew you wouldn’t be exactly thrilled to see him, not after cutting all communication, but he didn’t expect that. He expected awkward silence, shifty eye contact, even you going off on him. If he knew you were this mad, pretending not to know him mad, he would have gone about this totally different. “Let’s walk the beach, the moon’s just bright enough to light the way.”

“No.” You wanted to run to him and give him a hug that would make up for the eight years of silence, but when you looked at the man who was standing in your living room… he was a stranger. This Bucky’s hair was shorter and he stood taller, you could spot a few tattoos on his arms and another creeping up the side of his neck, he even had facial hair. If so much had changed on the outside, you weren’t ready to find out how much had changed on the inside, not yet. “You’re a stranger, could be a murder for all I know. Or worse, someone who just up and leaves. Already had that happen once tonight, wouldn’t wanna risk it a second time.”

You ignored everyone and walked up to your room and had every intention of going to bed, but the voices coming from downstairs were too distracting - especially since you couldn’t make out what they were saying. It didn’t help that you longed to have your toes in the sand ever since Bucky mentioned that walk. The last thing you were going to do was show your face downstairs though, so your bedroom window was the only way out.

Once you were safely on solid ground and you could taste the salt in the air it was like you could breathe again. In the last six hours your entire world had turned upside down, again. It always seemed like one thing after another but the last six alone have been a complete joke. Sure, lashing out probably wasn’t the best move but what else were you supposed to do? Pretend everything was okay? Not a chance.

“You know, after all these years it’s comforting to know this is still your happy place.” You didn’t hear him coming, but you figured he’d show up eventually.

“So you’re not a stranger.” he started to smile, figuring you were finally over it and ready to talk, but that wasn’t the case. “You’re a stalker.”

“Can you just drop the attitude for five minutes and look at me? You can be mad at me all you want after that. If you can’t give me five minutes then I’ll leave, but when you’re ready I’ll be at Pietro’s.” He stood behind you for a few more minutes, neither of you speaking a word, before deciding to walk away. Your feet were moving before your brain could even register what was happening, and when Bucky turned around with arms wide open because he knew no matter what you’d never let him walk away from you, you ran even faster.

The two of you just sat in silence for a while, but eventually Bucky’s curiosity got the better of him, “So, who is Alex?”

“Alex Summers, he was a grade ahead of us.”

“You’re dating that asshole?”

“How surprised are you really?” Truth be told, he wasn’t. Of course he hoped that at some point over the years you would stop dating losers and find someone who treated you right, for many years he hoped that guy would be him, but sadly he knew neither of those things would happen.

“You deserve someone who’s going to treat you right, Yn, that’s it.” He meant it. Even if that person was someone else, he meant it. Bucky had tried moving on from you by dating a couple different women but they could never compare to you, especially Natasha. She was so jealous of his friendship with you, even the idea of you, that she had somehow manipulated her way into alienating you from his life. It was something he couldn’t undo, but something he was determined to make right.

“So what about you?” wanting to change the subject as quickly as possible, you asked the first thing that came to mind, “How was the Army?”

“It was fine. Got to travel a bit but I mostly stayed in Texas. How have things been here?”

“They’ve been great.” The lie came out easy, it always did. “Do you wanna head back in? I’m starving.”

He pulled you up from your spot in the sand and as he was carrying you back to the house you realized you weren’t mad at him anymore. You had a glimpse of hope that maybe this was the first step in things finally going back to normal since he left.

“So,” he spoke softly, “we’re good?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, we were never not good.” acting as if you didn’t treat him as a stranger only hours ago.

“I was hoping you grew out of being a brat.” Everyone knew that would never happen.

“Me? A brat? Sergeant Barnes, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

perm tags (49/50): @sociallyeneptbarnes @hopesbarnes @stuckonjbbarnes @superavengerpotterstar @estillion14 @sleepingspacedragon @geeksareunique @imsoft-barnes @piper-koko-barnes-rogers @murdermornings @distractedgemini @screaming-fridge @readeity @whatinthyworld @my-drowning-in-time @valkyriesryde @buggy-blogs​ @hey-its-grey @pinknerdpanda @brokenthelovely @theannoyingnightmarecollector @death-unbecomes-you @rhymesmenagerie @teasgyu @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @https-bucky @also-fangirlinsweden @goalexis123 @missmeganrachel @sunflowersandcherry @miraclesoflove @matsumama @reann-loves-sebstan @thinkoutsidethebex @thefridgeismybestie @niall2017 @maddope @imagine-all-the-imagines @thummbelina @m3ga1nsp1r3d @romaniansweetheart @thebadassbitchqueen @king-sebb @nerdy-bookworm-1998 @bonkyboinkybucky @slaytherinthoughts @kingkassam @anti-the-glitch-bitch @poppunkdork

series tags (2/25): @rebekahdawkins​ @writerwrites​

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

[wise-the-will]

okay I'm going to rant about byler in your inbox if you don't mind, honestly Mike and Will's relationship is so wholesome it hurts. every bad patch of their friendship just bring them closer and make them better people. I know there's antis and such like "Mike is growing out of Will's childish behavior", but Mike isn't, he really isn't. their love is honestly inspirational, like they're the reason I believe in love even if they're not canon. Mike is literally a definition of I hate pretty much everyone but you. if you touch him I will eliminate you. and both of them are really soft supportive boyfriends. Mike trusts Will so much it's scary, will was literally possessed and Mike still had his trust in him. and will, I feel like will be the person to allow Mike to hurt him mentally but not leave him. and that much trust could be toxic on both sides(depending on who your with and im not trying to romantize this at all!!! Will is definitely trying to work on letting people walk all over him) but with them it's like they're literally soulmates. and yes I'm all talking about in this world that the duffer Brothers have created not Finn and Noah in the slightest. but just imagine will supporting Mike every step through him becoming an author. and Mike doing the same supporting will every step to become an artist. unlike mileven they actually make each other better people, and don't tear each other down. Mike only acts On emotion when he's with Will because he actually loves will. and will is so honest to Mike, more honest to mike than his own mother. its precious, truly.

okay theories and scenario type things:

1) they would be the couple that everyone in the neighborhood hates because they're supposed to be homophobic but there is definitely some if not most neighbors that do not like them because they are gay but think they're amazing and so so kind.

2) they get along with each other's families so well it's amazing, Mike and Joyce just *screech* Joyce takes care of Mike like son( in law). and like I said will and HollYY.

3) they would most definitely end up getting a demonic cat and call and exorcist because they have seen way too many horror movies (thanks will) and have lived through too many, to know how bad this is going to get.

4) will get so incredibly messy when he paints like, his artwork is wonderful and not messy at all it's like a piece of well, artwork. so sometimes he hugs Mike after he finishes painting and Mike has to take a shower because of how much paint got on him.

5) if Mike does become an author and I really think he will, I imagine him not telling will until will reads his book that he made one of those little pages like thank you sections, and just talked about how much he loved will.

6) will has to have a therapist, because of PTSD, overall mental health things, and his father. but Mike needs one too. and will has tried so hard to make mike go see the same therapist so he can get help with his stuff.

thats all i could think of but if i think of anything i will send it over your way if you don't mind. also i have a post somewhere on my blog about adult byler headcannons so if you wanna see more of some i have :)

First off I’m so sorry I responded to this like 2 days late but here we go

Like you said they really do care for each other a lot and I feel like they would both go to the ends of this EARTH just to save each other because you know that’s just what loves about and they’re deeply in love and it’s so soft and fluffy and adorable and they make me cry sometimes

They balance each other really well especially since Mike is like such a touchy person and Will is just right for that but they balance each other’s personalities as well, and not just emotionally because Will has had problems with not wanting to be treated around like he’s fragile glass and yeah he had a terrible father that called him slur and then a couple years later he somehow went into another dimension being chased by some monster and fighting for his life because that’s scary as hell and then a year later gets possessed by this demonic shadow monster and he’s scared shitless but he for sure isn’t fragile, he’s tough and I can’t wait to see that in season 4 and mike definitely doesn’t treat him like that because he knows what he’s been through

1) there would for sure be those homophobes because it’s the 80’s and I totally agree that some would think they’re sweet and kind

2) they do get along with each other’s families especially Joyce and Mike, because Joyce just knows and does trust Mike the most out of all Wills friends because she literally let mike inside in season 2 because her son was being possessed and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t let any of the other friends do that especially since the shed scene

3) Thank you for noticing my dumb chaotic cat head canon it was honestly just to be funny but honestly this would probably happen and I’m super glad that you put this in here

4) TOP TIER MESSY, he’s painting and all of a sudden he gets mike all painted up because hugs him or kisses him and then mikes just complaining like “stop you’re getting me all messy” and “great now I have to take a shower” but internally he loves it and he loves Will and he’s happy with Will and it’s just cute and fluffy

5) Will would be so supportive but then he reads mikes little thingy and he says something along the lines of “you should really become a writer you really talented with this stuff” and Mike just says “I already plan on becoming a writer just wanted your opinion” or something like that

6) Will for sure would beg mike to go to his therapist with him because that therapist has like really helped but because Mike is so damn STUBBORN he keeps saying no for god knows what reason, maybe because he feels like her ok compared to Will but he’s definitely not and Will knows this and I feel like they would definitely get in a fight about this and Will would let a tear fall and yell something along the lines of “you need this just as much as I do so don’t FUCKING pretend that you don’t need this as much as I do” and they’re both crying and mike finally agrees and says he’s sorry and they kiss and cuddles so close it looks like so impossible to be that close but they’re comforted and they tell each other they love each other so many times

You’re definitely free to send more and sorry I didn’t get to this sooner and I’ll definitely check out some of your byler thingys

[temporoom]

Kind of wanted to get this out of my mind quickly, so uhm... kind of a personal post? Semi-vent with heartfelt ending? Anyway. If you are uncomfortable with this feel free to just keep scrolling.

WARNING: Internalized homophobia, dubious consent (?)

One of the things that has been bothering me recently is my sexuality. It’ll probably seem weird to old followers because I never hid being bisexual, and most of stories reflect that (since I write all my characters bisexual unless mentioned otherwise). But recently, my certainty was doubted. And I’ve been thinking back to who I am attracted to.

Back in January, I got a boyfriend, with whom I broke up with a first time after a few weeks, before getting back together only a week after, and definitely broke up with him around a month ago. The reason for that was mostly because of the sudden and brutal realization that I might be just not attracted to men at all.

I luckily didn’t grew up in an environment that would make me ashame of whatever sexuality I might have, but my father always insisted on perpetuating lineage for some reasons, and since my father’s way of thinking corresponded to me more, it also stuck in my head in a way. And so, I always imagined my future with a man despite knowing I was attracted to girls, because I wanted to stay true to that principle (and also because I liked the idea of being married and having children). But that future was only seen as something that would suddenly happen, and I never actually imagined having a passionate relationship with anyone. In my head, I would be single and then married, without any of the in-between that normal couples would have. Romances described by others was nice to witness, and I enjoy it, but I never saw it for myself.

And then, I went from single to the social statue of being in a “couple”. Not only did I lost that statue of being single, but then I realized that I had to be with another human being. That realization was one of the reasons I broke up the first time. I wasn’t ready. But it was tense at home at the moment and I ended up being touch-starved and needing something outside of the safe environment I grew up in, and so I accepted going out with him again after he asked me while I was in a moment of weakness. (He is a very cool guy don’t worry)

The first time I was confused, because I never imagined anyone falling for me ever, and the first person who asked me to go out with them just happened to be head over heels for me (no one asked me out before, and no one ever fell in love with me before). So I thought that I might just needed to clarify our feelings, and put some effort in the relationship to make it work out this time. I was feeling bad for this poor guy who I was treating as a test subject for relationships, but I really needed to think about something else at that moment. And so I put the effort. I held his hands, I accepted physical contact, I acted sweet and all... 

And it felt like a performance. Which in a way I knew it was, because I knew I wasn’t in love like he was in love with me. 

I thought it was fine, and I could keep up like this. After all, he was everything I could ask for in a guy, and I should be happy. And so I put in the effort... And the relationship advanced quicker than I would have expected. 

As he was touching me, I suddenly felt like I was dissociating, I was seeing myself on the third person, controlling a character and not my own body. “I’ve seen it act like this, so I should do like this right?” before I realize it, it was starting to become too close to something too deep, and when I came back to my senses... I was terrified. I was terrified and scared. He kindly asked me if I wanted to stop, and I said yes. He hugged me for a while, and I waited, eyes open in the dark, for him to fall asleep so I could sneak out of bed. He noticed, and let me be, moving a way. I stayed there, eyes open in the dark, heart beating fast, but it was nothing romantic, just irrational fear. I ended falling asleep for a couple of hourse before waking up earlier than I ever did. I went to the bathroom with my clothes in my arms, dressing up there before he could my body again, and then I sat at the end of the bed on the ground, staring at the wall, feeling like I would cry.

I came to the same conclusion as before, doing someything with another human being was just plain terrifying. But something else came to me at that moment... the face of a girl I knew back in high school. This girl was a rollercoaster of emotion for me, she had a boyfriend but was flirty with anyone, and when she had noticed that she had an effect on me... She had taken full advantage on it. Grazing my arm in class with her nails, hugging me tight while pressing her entire body against mine, showing herself of to me in the changing room after gym class... She had drove me crazy. She was also the one who made me realize I could have sexual desire... What I didn’t had with my boyfriend at that moment.

I thought back to when she had allowed me to touch her stomach, how my body had felt like I was burning, the electricity coursing through it just from the contact of my hand with her skin... When it had been with my boyfriend... It had felt empty, and I had quickly went back to analyzing the forms of the body like an anatomy book. 

And sitting on the ground, staring at the wall, the dim light of the morning lightening up the room, I realized I liked girls. Only girls. 

I wasn’t sure at that moment, so I was still denying it in my head. “No I just can’t make it work out with him. It’s fine. Maybe I will find someone else, and I will have children, and everyone will be happy and... My brother can’t have children, my sister can’t either... If I can’t, if I can’t then I will be useless.” I ended up messaging a friend about it, because I needed to vent to someone, and she listened willingly, but agreed that she couldn’t really help me on that matter. And I knew that even with seeing a therapist, I was the only one who could know. 

Words from friends and family came back to my mind as days passed by “I imagined a future where we had families, and you were married to a beautiful woman.”, “You often talk about girls, but you don’t seem attracted to men.”...

“What do you prefer?” She had asked in the dark classroom, her eyelashes fluttering, her fingers tracing patterns on my arms, a sly smile on her pink lips. “Boys... or girls?”

“Both.” I replied quickly, my breath getting caught in my throat, I could feel the red burning on my cheeks. 

She hummed, as if she knew, as if she knew I wanted to reply “You.”

As if reading my mind, youtube started recommending me Tiktok compilations of lesbians Tiktok. It was stupid, but I needed answers, and so I clicked on the video.... and then another... and a third... It was enjoyable to watch, but nothing gave me a clear answer. It was always of girls confident in their sexuality, or who wanted to show off their relationship... It didn’t help me. And then one thing stood out between them all, a skit explaining how internalized homophobia worked on lesbians.

Attracted to fictional male character, but not real men.

Wants to date girls, but see themselves marrying a man. 

Reassured by being identified as bisexuals...

Some other stuff too. But those three stood out to me. And another on poped up, about a woman explaining how anxiety can make some girls confuse it for attraction due to the similar feeling of nervousness it gives. 

At that point, I knew I was a lesbian, and I had broken up with boyfriend for good this time. Yet, I couldn’t accept it.

“What scares you about being attracted to girls?” Asked my mother, a sorry look in her eyes, as if she was asking what she did wrong to make me feel that way.

As if I could cry at any moment, my emotions tried to fight with my reasons. “I don’t know.” It didn’t make sense, ther was nothing rational about fearing being attracted to women. 

I started dreaming of heterosexual relationships, dreams that I would live like nightmares, as if I was back with him, performing again, smiling like a good girlfriend and doing what people asked me to... One was sexual, it wasn’t consensual, but I couldn’t see his face, so I thought it was “fine”. If I couldn’t see the face it was fine. There was no logical reasons to be afraid. Maybe I was attracted to men after all? Maybe I could still not be a disappointment...

Why did it bothered me so much? It wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s just how society works, it wants you to find your little box to fit, and you have to act like it, where is your box? Where is the box you fit in? But I couldn’t fit in the box I wanted to, I couldn’t, neither as a bisexual person, or as a lesbian liked described in all the videos I’ve seen. 

I felt more uncomfortable each day. Being with a human was terrifying, being attracted to girls was terrifying...

This night I dreamt of kissing a girl. She wasn’t someone I had knew, and yet, her face was detailed, as if she had been real, and right before me at that very moment. We talked, and her voice was soft, and our lips touched, and my body was mine, not one fabricated by my mind, and she said it was beautiful. She smiled, and I felt... at peace. Like I could see a future with this girl I just met. Our hands touched, and I woke up alone. The memory of her lips still on me.

It was my first time dreaming of a girl like this, and it was nothing like any dreams I had before, it made me feel good, at peace, as if it was where I belonged, and where I was meant to belong all my life. 

“I like girls.” I thought, and then I smiled. “I like girls.”

And I couldn’t get why I was afraid before, because that feeling of love I had felt in my dream was amazing. It was more real than anything I had felt before. I wanted to cherish it. 

This morning I woke up, thinking that I like girls. That it was alright to just think that, hope for that, and hope for something else as well. And I felt at peace.

I’m sorry to my ex if you’re reading this, you did nothing wrong, you were the best guy anyone could ask for... I’m just gay. And it’s time for me to accept it once and for all. 

Oh and thank you to anyone who read it until the end. I’m sorry I had to vent here, but I felt like I had to write it somehwere. Thank you for being patient with me!

[diaryofabeautyfiend]

Small Time Witch (16)

You had your phone on silent the entire time you were shopping. Once you realized you checked your notifications. You had a text and missed call from Steve a voicemail from your therapist and a text from Tony. You called Steve back. His message seemed to be the most urgent.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Where are you?” He sounded upset.

“In the city shopping. Why? What’s going on?”

“Did you see your doctor today?” Snitch.

“No. Look I know what you are going to say. I think I really have a handle on everything, Steve. I don’t want to see Dr. Calloway anymore.”

“Good. No, baby, that’s good. Don’t take anymore of those pills. Come back to the compound as soon as possible. We need to talk.”

“Steve you are scaring me.”

“Everything is fine, doll. Come on home.” You drove as fast as the law allowed. Steve met you outside of the gate. He stopped you before you could pull in and jumped in the passenger seat. Wanda and Sam got in the back and Bucky followed on the bike. “Just drive.” He pulled the radio out of your dash and told you to kill the navigation.

“We need to get somewhere out of SHIELD and Tony’s reach.” You bit your lip knowing exactly where to go. You started driving towards the freeway to head north.

“I have a place but you have to promise not to lose your shit when we get there. Promise me, Steve.” You tapped your fingers on the wheel and chewed your lip raw.

“I promise. Want to tell me what I’m walking in to?”

“Uh. My house. Not the one that was burned down. The new one.”

“When did you buy a house?” You were silent and started to tear up a little.

“Heimdall! I know you can hear me. Tell Thor to meet us at our house.” You wouldn’t look at Steve. You could feel his anger building. “You promised, Steve.”

“Baby, when you said ‘our house’ what did you mean?” He was gripping the arm rest so tight he almost snapped it off. He knew the answer to the question. He just wanted to hear you say it. You didn’t answer. You were concentrating on keeping the mood from escalating in the car. You were scared and it would be really easy to lose control at this moment. “Y/N I need you to answer me.”

“Loki built a house on the land that my family owns. He may or may not be living there. I don’t know because I haven’t talked to him in almost a year.” You put your hand on his arm and he pulled away.

“Nope. You don’t get to tell me how to feel right now, Y/N. I thought when you took that bracelet off he was out of your life. Out of our lives. That was a big deal for me.”

“It was a big deal for me too. I only found out about the house a couple of months ago. It’s a gift.”

“That’s a pretty big fucking gift. I can’t fucking believe you right now.” The rest of the ride was silent. Sam and Wanda looked out the window. The only sound you heard was the growl of Steve’s bike behind you.

The road went from paved to gravel to forest floor. You traveled far off the main drive. You arrived at the glen that was hidden in the shadows of a the mountains save for the beam of sunshine that shone down like a spotlight. There was a patch of grass that was singed where Thor likely landed.

You were trying so hard to hide your emotions but it was so beautiful. You took a deep breath getting a nose full of the mimosa that was now in full bloom. Wanda held your hand. “It’s stunning. I can’t believe he did all of this.”

The five of you walked into the gate. Loki was waiting in the doorway. “This is not exactly how I envisioned you seeing the place.”

“Thought she’d be alone?” Steve said blowing past him.

“Nice to see you too, Captain Rogers.”

“Don’t. Please” you begged. “Steve, honey. Can we have a seat and talk about why we’re here?” You gathered in the kitchen so Steve could explain. He confessed to knowing about the medication but not exactly what it was. He said he knew that Dr. Calloway worked for Fury and that the operation in Alaska was a rescue mission. He still hadn’t figured out the rest.

“I promise you I had no idea what that medication was not until I spoke to Agatha and Professor Xavier. Tony does and that’s why we’re here.”

“Steve, you should have come to me. The good news is I know what Aconite is. It’s been used for centuries as a poison and, in some varieties to help with anxiety. It slows the heart rate. Luckily I know an antidote. Plus I minored in chemistry and I’ve been working with Stephen Strange a literal medical doctor who helped me compound a quick dissolving tablet to neutralize the Aconite.”

“I’m sorry. I thought I was protecting you. I should have talked to you. I would never willingly hurt you. Do you understand that?” He hugged you tight and kissed you. You nodded your head and hugged him back but you were still hurt.

Loki beamed with pride. You were always one step ahead of these idiots. What a clever little witch. It irritated him to his core that you met Steve with understanding and compassion rather than blind rage when he lied to you. You were clouded by your feelings for him.

“So what’s the plan, Cap? Do we go on this mission?” Sam asked. While they discussed a plan and you excused yourself to explore. Every detail was as you imagined right down to the door knobs and drawer pulls. Loki left a clone of himself in the kitchen so he could join you.

“What do you think? Did I get it right?” he whispered. You slipped your hand in his and squeezed.

“It’s perfect. Thank you, Loki. I love it so much here. I’m sorry I’m seeing it this way.” He didn’t let go of your hand right away.

“I’m just glad you’re here. I do admit I thought it would be just the two of us. But, there’s plenty of room. I’d better get back.” He pressed his lips hard to the back of your hand. You heard Steve calling from the kitchen.

“We’re going to stay the night here and go back to the compound in the morning. Until we figure all of this out you stay and we’ll come back to get you. I trust you’re safe here.” Steve explained. You went back to the bedroom to try to get some rest. Loki took the couch. He grabbed some blankets from the linen closet and winked at you as he went down the hall.

“Baby, I’m gonna check on everyone to make sure they’re set for the night. Why don’t you go take a bath? I’ll be back in a sec.” Steve checked on Bucky and Sam who were sharing a room. The bed was large enough for the two of them to fit comfortably. Wanda was already in bed so was Thor. Loki was sitting up on the couch reading.

“Can I talk to you?” Steve asked. Loki looked around to see who else was in the room. He gestured towards the big chair across from him. Steve sat down and stared around the room trying to collect his thoughts. Everywhere he looked he saw you. Everything was soft and inviting. There was a spice to the air warm and aromatic. He wanted to curl up in this place. Get lost in here. This wasn’t his place though. Loki built it with the intention of living out your days here. There were flashes of him too. No. There was no place here for Steve.

“Can I trust you with her?” His voice was low and gritty like it was worked over with sandpaper.

“You know she’s safe with me.”

“You know that’s not what I’m asking. Can I trust you to keep your hands off of her?”

“I won’t touch her. You have my word.”

“Your word. That’s cute. You see here I was thinking you were gone. Out of our lives. It took her six months to take that damned bracelet off which means it took her six months to get over you. And here you are back in our lives again. What possessed you to build this house?” he put his hand up to stop him, “No. Don’t tell me. I already know. It’s the same reason I went out to Westchester today. The same reason I’m ready to go ape shit on Tony fucking Stark and all of SHIELD. Because you are in love with her just like I’m in love with her. The difference is she chose me. She chose to have me in her life. You just keep showing up.” Steve buried his face in his hands. He wasn’t sure if he was coming or going.

Loki was deep in thought dissecting what Steve said but also trying to figure out Tony’s play. “I’m trying to understand what binding her will do. It won’t change the fact that she’s a conduit. It will only leave her defenseless. Unless that’s what they are trying to do.” Loki’s eyes were wide thinking of the possibility that you would be able to absorb all of the powers of the people Hydra kidnapped. You’d be a nuclear bomb indeed. That’s only if you were powerless to stop it. As it were, you cast a spell on yourself that had a fail safe built in. If you kept training with Strange and Wong, you would be able to stop the lot of them. “Captain. That’s it. They are using her to steal powers. What is in Alaska?”

“Fuck. That’s it. Fuck! Alaska is a giant Hydra base housing mutants. I’m leaving Wanda with you. I’ll call Stephen Strange in the morning. Don’t tell her anything. She’ll want to confront Tony. I won’t let her. I can’t let Tony know she hasn’t been taking her meds.” Loki nodded in agreement.

Steve stood up to go to bed. He was bone tired. All he wanted was to crawl into your bed and wrap his body around yours like a cocoon.

“Steve,” Loki called after him. Steve stopped in the doorway his shoulders slumped down in defeat. “I’ll keep her safe for you. When all of this is over, the place yours. Just promise me you’ll let her be herself out here. She hides a lot from you because she’s afraid she’ll scare you if you really saw her. You really love her? Get to know the real Y/N.” Steve responded with a weak smile.

The master bedroom was painted a deep green and had warm wood trim. A large vanity was situated in the corner with perfume bottles a comb and a brush neatly arranged on top. A massive four poster bed was dead center. The posts were ornate and winding like a tree the legs like roots. The Yggdrasil tree. A big round window sat high on the wall letting the moonlight stream in. He could smell the oils you used in the tub. Warm spice notes and deep florals. That’s what your skin would smell like. He wanted to burn it into his nose.

Off in the corner there was a small winding staircase that lead to a loft. He climbed it to find a reading nook with a small table for snacks. He smiled thinking about how much you would love it up there.

On the other side of the room was a wardrobe. Inside there were dresses that you’d no doubt wear barefoot and blouses and trousers for you to wear to work. Off to the side were three little drawers. The top was for bras the middle for panties and the bottom larger drawer for sweats leggings socks and T-shirts. The bottom was neatly lined with heels strappy sandals and a pair of boots that made his cock twitch. He imagined you wearing them with the leather dress that would barely cover your thighs.

In the chest of drawers there were sweaters jeans that looked worn in and a whole drawer for tac gear in case you went on missions with them. This fucker thought of everything.

He wanted to go out there and punch him in his smug little face but stopped when he heard you sloshing around in the water. He cracked the door open so he wouldn’t startle you. “Sweetheart? Can I come in?”

“Hey. Yeah. There is plenty of room for you.” Steve stripped and eased in to the too hot water. You grabbed the big sponge hanging over the faucet and got it sudsy enough to wash him. He let you though he felt like it was somehow wrong. Like he shouldn’t be this intimate with you in another man’s home.

The bathroom was just as glamorous as the bedroom. A small gas fireplace sat perfectly positioned to warm the whole bathroom. A chandelier hung from the ceiling. The shower was also large enough for two people. There were so many spouts it looked like a car wash. There were candles placed on every and any flat surface. The place was fit for a queen. Loki’s queen.

Funnily enough you didn’t seem to care. You rinsed off the soap and kissed your way up to his neck. You used a small pitcher set on a step stool to wet his hair. When you massaged his scalp you kissed him deeply. “Close your eyes and hold your breath” you said in that low tone that made him crazy.

He shook off like a dog making you giggle. His favorite sound. He lifted you enough to sink you down onto him. He will never get enough of how you felt. The water lapped around your body as you moved. You both came quick and hard collapsing your body down around him. “I love you, Steve” you whispered as you caught your breath.

“I love you, Y/N. So much.”

You got out of the tub feeling like your limbs were made of jelly. You dried off braided your hair and slicked your skin with more oil. The one you chose was warm and slightly citrusy. Vetiver. It made your heartbeat quicken knowing that Loki remembered your mother’s fragrance. The two of you crawled into bed and slept like you’ve been sleeping in this room for ages. You weren’t sure if it was being back on your land or something else but you felt like you were finally home.

[bethanysnow]

This is my opinion. Not in defence not for or against. It is my opinion.

A. I dont think jensen ackles is homophobic. The reason people have said he is is cuz at panels in early/mid 2010s when tumblr was /the thing/ he said he didnt wanna do destiel..people were sending his wife death threats.

Let me say this again

PEOPLE WERE SENDING HIS WIFE DEATH THREATS.

Also people were sending him smut and porn about destiel. I would be uncomfy if it were me.

People can have many reasons that arent homophobia to not wanna do a destiel. Like, maybe cuz hes straight and cuz he thinks of misha as a brother and family. Would you wanna make out with someone you call family? 'Love scenes' are already ackward enough.

Everyone bringing up this idea is oh so wonderfully 'forgetting' the time period. You have to give context to when this was said. I know every single person on this fuckin site has a horror story or knows something they posted/did that now? Would be taboo or racy or not okay and would get a mob after them. I know I have. Because at this time there was the transition from 'fandom' being the super gross nerd trekie stereotype to about most anyone. And at that point? Teenaged girls. Who would be graduating college now. I can totally see being harassed at every convention you go to by girls who COULD BE YOUR OWN KID not fun. And how talking very explicitly about how they want you to fuck/makeout with your coworker could be traumatic!

Most people I know wouldnt react this way if he was gay and everyone kept bombarding him with straight content/straight romance/straight sex/straight ships. And then he not wanting to participate.

The fandom harassed and stalked and did some super sketchy things. The actors were uncomfortable. They said stop. The fandom's reaction?

"Well they didnt do what we want so they obviously must be homophobic and aweful people to not humor my 12-19 year old selfs fantasies/ships."

This isnt ok

B. I also dont think dean is homophobic. I don't think that needs to be clarified. Think about Dean's life. When has he got to have emotions? And to let emotions out? Or talk to a therapist? Everyday was truama. And from his mother's death he is told to be a good soldier for daddy john winchester. You dont think that fucks with you? That's his hard wireing. Is to follow orders and to protect while dealing with shit we cant even imagine. He needs a hug and therapy. ALSO HE IS FUCKING FICTIONAL!!!

C. Okay sure misha confirmed its cannon. But look at it for what it is. Cas knew he was gonna sacrifice himself for his best friend. What would you do when you know this?

Tell your best friend you love them and that they changed you for the better.

Simple as that. Gay or fuckin not?? Let people especially men say I love you platonically.

[hermajestykaje]

Prologue

Julie Ann Sarif sat in the chilly examination room, one bare foot dangled above the freezing tiles, the other sat flat on the pullout stand. She wore one of the ugly paper dresses but she felt naked. Dr. Morgan had excused himself to take a call, but before she left, she had told Julie Ann that her blood pressure was high and had kindly asked why. This was why Julie Ann felt naked; always a private person, sixty seconds with a cuff around her upper arm had revealed that Julie Ann had had one hell of a year!

As she watched her dangling foot bounce, she realized she did not have to say anything at all. Dr. Morgan was her doctor, not her therapist or her friend, but Julie Ann was so desperate to unload everything on somebody anybody. Maybe that was why when the doctor returned a simple, “Now where were we?” Turned into an hour in that room that stank of disinfectants, with tears running down her face and the other woman hugging her awkwardly.

When Julie Ann left, she felt a lot better, but that did not stop Dr. Morgan from giving her a prescription for a half-dose of blood pressure medicine. Julie Ann was fifty-one years old and had never had blood pressure issues; then again, she had had one hell of a year!

Christmas was the prologue to the Hell Year.

“Nah, this doesn’t feel right.” Julie Ann had said to her husband Ahsan that morning.

“What?” He asked, she covered his mouth with her hand when she saw his lips begin to form the words you worry too much. He was right, Julie Ann always worried, but there was always a reason to worry. Ahsan was in the military, as soon as she got comfortable they would have to move, Julie Ann felt like they had dragged their poor children all over the damn world and back again. They had been in Florida for a long while, Julie Ann had started to get comfortable, she had started working at a bank again and could feel the promotion to manager coming when Ahsan walked into the kitchen and announced that he would be moving back to West Virginia. For a brief second Julie Ann had considered beating her husband to death with a skillet. He had promised that this would be his last assignment.

“I want to retire at home, Ma and Pops are old, I want to be near them.”

Once again her eyes fell on the skillet, maybe she wouldn’t kill him but bringing the pan upside his head would make her feel a hell of a lot better. “You want to move me from sunny Florida, to Wasteland Virginia int the middle of Winter? On top of all that you want me to be with crazy Miya?”

“Come on JuJu.”

“Don’t you JuJu me you son of a bitch!” She snapped and stormed past him, skillet still in hand. Ahsan was six feet, six inches and nearly three hundred pounds of pure muscle, she would have to jump to reach his bald ass head and he would easily avoid the blow.

“JuJu…”

“No Ahsan, you said this would be your last assignment. You said once the kids were grown you’d retire and we could finally start taking those vacations. You said Florida was cool, especially after Daddy died, you know how I feel about Momma being by herself. You always promise me things.” She gasped, “You’re selfish!”

“I am not selfish.”

“Yes, yes you are.” She rounded on him, “Stop following me.”

Ahsan took two steps back, hands up, eyes on the skillet. He had tried her once or twice before.

“It’s not the middle of Winter.” He muttered weakly.

Julie Ann flung the skillet at him, and he had the nerve to catch it! She spun on her heels and stomped upstairs, “Mind your damn business.” She shouted at their eldest, Nia on her way to their bedroom.

Her children and their alliance with their father was another source of irritation. Ahsan could do no wrong in their eyes.

Julie Ann sat on the bed and pouted. It would be nearly a week before she would speak to Ahsan again, and another week before he was allowed back inside their bedroom. He had spent time in the living room and in the nursery with their grandson. Julie Ann had told him to go to West Virginia by his damn self, yet when the time finally came for him to leave, she followed.

Looking back, Julie Ann had to admit that things were not as bad as she thought they would be, in fact, they were not even close to the way she imagined it. Ahsan did not have to live on base, and they got the gorgeous three-bedroom home in Magnolia Park, with the stuck-up neighbors and the pool in the back.

“Oh, your boyfriend’s here.” Julie Ann had said when they were moving in and Silas Johnson swung into their driveway. “Is he why we moved back here?”

“Stop.” Ahsan grumped and kissed the top of her head. The pair had been childhood best friends and Julie Ann hated Silas since the day she met him. There was something about him, he was cocky and every time Ahsan got into serious trouble, Silas was right there by his side. Not to mention Silas was a whore!

“Goddamnit, Ahsan.” She huffed when the passenger door opened and Silas’ new wife Grace. climbed out.

“Please be nice.” He begged.

Julie Ann was nice, and to her surprise she found that she actually liked Grace. The woman was the same age as they were but looked so much younger, she was tall and shapely; a dancer’s body! Grace was quick to smile and was an all-around pleasant person. Pity. Julie Ann had hated this woman for years without actually knowing her. When Julie Ann met Ahsan, Silas was already married to his first wife Esther. The two were close friends and most of their children were the same age. Silas’ daughter Sonja was two years older than Nia; his second daughter Amore was two months older than their second daughter Rayne, and their son Amir was two hours older than Silas and Esther’s daughter Zion.

Poor Esther had struggled during her last pregnancy, she had finally found out about Silas’s whoring ways and the stress had drained her. Silas had a daughter who was a few months older than Zion, but by the time the girl was born Silas had already moved on to Grace.

It was through Grace that Julie Ann joined Mamas & Mimosas, a small women’s club for mothers. She made new friends who helped with her transition. Julie Ann also started her home-based craft business and with the help of the Mamas, the business took off online and grew to something lucrative very quickly.

Julie Ann also stressed often about Rayne because of her crazy boyfriend…also named Rayne. She lost sleep over that relationship. “He’s going to kill her,” was what Julie Ann lamented a lot. She knew she was driving Nia crazy always calling and asking if she heard from her sister. On the other hand, “Amir is going to kill him.” He son was as big and buff as his father, it took a lot to make Amir mad, the boy was some kind of saint—but at the same time Amir had a temper and once triggered he became a beast.

“Rayne is grown.” Ahsan would remind her, but she had heard him threaten to kill boy-Rayne on more than one occasion.

That situation resolved itself when one morning, Ahsan opened the door on his way out to work only to find Rayne standing there with a suitcase. “Yeah, I nearly killed Rayne.” She announced and strutted into the house like she owned the place. “What’s for breakfast Ma?”

Ahsan was on her heels, “What happened? Did he hurt you?”

“That nigga cheated on me—again, and had the nerve to swing on me when I confronted him about it. I defended myself with a rolling pin. Anyways, I’ve got court in January.”

“Your sister and brother already know about this don’t they?” Julie Ann questioned.

“Amir posted my bail and Nia drove me to the airport.”

Julie Ann and Ahsan exchanged a look, their children always screamed that they wished each other was not born but would protect each other feverishly.

Rayne had always been the most daring of their children, so she often found herself in sticky situations. She was also the most hot-headed and provoking so she usually started fights with her siblings. She was closer to Amir than she was to Nia, although the pair were always at each other’s throats. Nia was the most stable of the children, she married her high school sweetheart Timothy and the pair had a son, TJ, together. Amir was a chaotic neutral, he was the most affectionate and shared a close relationship the entire family. He was the one who convinced Julie Ann to move with Ahsan. “I’m in this weird traditional phase with work, so I still have to go up to Louisiana all the time. I’ll keep an eye on Gran’Mere for you Honey.” Amir never called Julie Ann Mommy, or Ma, or Momma because Ahsan always called her honey, so somehow, he thought that is what he was supposed to call her.

Nia, Tim and TJ came up the week before Christmas, Amir was not sure if he would be able to make it since the Coast Guard had finally transferred him fully to Florida and people tended to be idiots during the holidays. When the front door flew open and Rayne strode in from her shift at the bar Christmas morning with her brother behind her, rather than feeling excitement, Julie Ann’s feeling of dread grew worse.

“Something’s going to happen to my baby.” Julie Ann told Ahsan when she caught him away from the children.

“Is this about the psychic thing?”

“You know my feelings are never wrong.” Ahsan did not believe in—as he puts it—mumbo-jumbo, but he had to admit that these strange inklings Julie Ann got were never wrong. She knew something was going to happen to his older brother, and not long after he ODed. She knew Nia was going to have a baby and a year to the day she told her, TJ was born.

“Let’s not focus on that. Let’s just try to enjoy the day with our family and friends, okay?”

“Yeah…”

All in all, it was a good day. Two year old TJ was his usual, dramatic self being the center of attention. He wanted to go swim in the pool since he did not understand that water froze in the Winter. He was usually attached to Tim or Amir’s legs and would rather play dominos with his Papa and the men than with the mountain of toy he received as gifts. There was an awkward moment when Esther passed by for some food and met Grace and the Mamas at the house. “We’ll get brunch on the weekend, okay?” Julie Ann said as a way of apology.

Silas disappeared for about an hour and the girls grilled Grace on where their father could have gone but she just smiled.

“Oh shit, that boy done brought his girl here?” Ahsan’s father Armand said.

Amir laughed, “Come on Pops, you remember Zion.”

Armand’s eyes bugged out of his head, “That’s Lil ZiZi? Got damn!”

“Stop.” Ahsan slapped his father on the arm and tried to swallow his laugh. The other girls swarmed their sister, there was a lot of giggling and squealing.

“Look at that fool.” Amir grumbled when Rayne pushed her way through the Johnson girls. When they were little and Rayne was mad at Amir, she always told him that she wished Zion was her sister instead of Amir being her brother and he would cry every single time.

Ahsan chuckled, “It’s so good to have my family all together in one place.”

Julie Ann felt his eyes on her.

Two days after Valentine’s Day, Ahsan came home early from work looking terrible and Julie Ann wondered if he was sick. He made her sit on the couch and took a seat beside her. “We’re going to Florida. Tim called. Something happened…with Amir…”

[aliceslantern]

Give/Take, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 9

Ienzo has been too busy since the war to be overwhelmed by the past. But with little progress to be made in his work with Kairi, old nightmares start to invade.

Riku is a glorified housesitter. Lonely and faced with no choice but to wait for a way to find his friends, he eagerly accepts when Ienzo asks him to help do repairs around the castle. Before long, the two strike up an unlikely friendship, united by their dark pasts and their attempts to be better people.

But just as they begin to consider something more... Kairi wakes up.

Ienzoku (Ienzo/Riku), post-Melody of Memory, slow burn. Updates Thursdays until it's done.

Chapter summary:  On different worlds, Ienzo and Riku write each other letters.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

Ienzo,

Sorry for the radio silence over the past few days, but things have literally been so insane I haven’t had a minute to myself to write this note. My mom is barely letting me out of her sight--not that I can blame her. She goes between being outraged to dropping everything and hugging me. She wants to know everything, and I’m trying to tell her as much as I can, but still editing the most… incriminating parts until she’s ready. You understand. Even when I was home before we never got into it.

I haven’t even really had time to enjoy being home. I’ve had to see family, friends, and they all want to know where I’ve disappeared to. People all over town, too, want to know what happened and where I went. A lot of people assumed that I’d gotten myself killed.

Including my parents. That was, and still is, the hardest thing I’ve had to accept. Starting to grieve someone and just beginning to make progress only to learn they’re alive… I feel so guilty. Now I wish I’d gone back home during Kairi’s year of sleep, even for a little while.

I’ll tell you more about what happened, but I just wanted to… start to get a status update. “Any news?” How are you? How have you been? What are you and the guys up to?

Write soon,

Riku

Dear Riku,

Thanks for your text. Of course I understand how overwhelming everything must be, and this was an unusual homecoming. I just hope it’s been more joyful than bittersweet, though I fear it’s the latter. I’m hoping this transition becomes less of a traumatic one for you. And even if it is… well. I am an impartial ear.

Correction--a somewhat impartial ear. I will yell at, and/or make fun of, anyone who gives you grief.

Do tell me about Sora and Kairi. Things must be dazzling for Sora especially--I can only imagine what sort of journey he’s gone through, and I’m probably wrong. Hopefully the three of you get to spend some time together, just relaxing and being friends. It’s the least of what you deserve.

I, on the other hand, don’t have much worth reporting. I’m continuing to work with Aeleus and Dilan on the repairs, helping Even with his various little experiments. I’m trying to figure out where I would be most helpful, but that has been somewhat difficult. I’m sure you can sympathize. It’s finally starting to get warm again here.

If I ever quit faffing about and find something worth writing about I’ll let you know…

Yours,

Ienzo

---

Ienzo,

Ha ha. For some reason I don’t believe you’ve been as lazy as you said you’ve been. Though part of me hopes you have. You deserve a little rest too.

On the topic of rest…

Right after I got your letter the puppet strings that have been keeping me awake since I got home snapped. I fell asleep on the living room couch and didn’t wake up for thirty-six hours. Mom was hysterical; she thought something was really wrong with me and took me to the doctor (which, considering how long it’s been since I’ve been home for any length of time, was my pediatrician. Awkward.). But the doctor just said what I told her, that I just needed to sleep . And sleep, and sleep… maybe it’s my turn to sleep for a year. Ha ha.

Yeah, yeah. Spare me your lectures. I’ve been so wired that even when I tried, I couldn’t sleep.

Sora and Kairi are doing as okay as they can. Of the three of us, I think Kairi’s bounced back the quickest. She’s already talking about re-enrolling in school to catch up. Considering she’s the mayor’s daughter, it made the news when she got back. She’s like a celebrity, though because she’s Kairi and she’s perfect, she’s got it under control. I mean that with no sarcasm whatsoever.

Sora…

As you can probably tell by me skirting around the subject, Sora… isn’t completely okay. Physically, he’s fine. Healthy. But it’s… between the Keyblade War, and what he experienced alone while we were all, very briefly, dead (which, remind me to tell you about that if I haven’t, because it is a trip.). He’s been ALONE for so long. I’ve never seen him so shaken, and he’s so quiet . Talk to him and he tries to be all smiles, of course, but a few of us were at the beach and instead of being all up in the middle of it like he usually is, he was sitting aside… alone. Kairi’s been trying to gently pry, but he keeps saying he’s okay. A tired act I think all of us know well by now. Honestly, I’m not sure what to do. What kind of therapist here would get what he’s gone through, anyway? The most we can do is be there, and keep on top of him, and hope he heals and processes over time. Makes me feel like a shitty best friend, but the emotional stuff was never my forte.

Sleepily yours,

Riku

---

My sleepyhead,

Hopefully by the time you get this you’re actually conscious. You had a long ordeal. Physically, emotionally, of course you’re exhausted. I hope you’re actually listening to it instead of pushing through. Been there. Done that. It is not worth it. You’re probably also still growing, believe it or not. The human male keeps growing and developing until twenty-five, and unless my knowledge of Destiny Island’s time stream is way off, you’re not exactly there yet.

I’m glad Kairi is doing well, and taking all of that in stride. If it were me I would’ve thrown in the towel long ago. I think school would be good. A taste of normalcy. You three deserve to get back to your lives… whatever that means. Or at least rest a while before finding greener pastures elsewhere.

It’s disheartening, but not surprising, that Sora feels the way he does. Like I said, I can only imagine what he might have gone through. Though I don’t like it when you say you’re a shitty friend when I watched you struggle to save your friends for a literal year. You’re too hard on  yourself, Riku. Being there, after everything else you did for him, is enough. Make sure to take time for yourself too. Though if Sora’s condition deteriorates, do let me know. I’ll see if I have any sort of psychological resource which might help him more than just a standard therapist with no notion of the greater World outside. Hopefully he’ll start to feel more himself once he settles back down.

This… very brief death occurrence you were referring to intrigues me. What was all that about? Fortunately it seems to not have stuck, but regardless, I felt my heart jump into my throat when I read it.

The others have been asking after you, Ansem especially. He says to “send his regards” and I promise it’s friendlier than it sounds.

I wonder, do you have sea salt ice cream where you are? It’s the height of summer and Scrooge McDuck is out. None of my cohorts here are willing to share. It’s been war.

Craving sea salt,

Ienzo

---

To the insatiable sweet tooth--

No, as a matter of fact, we do not have that particular sea salt ice cream here. If we want it, we have to go off-world. There are other, more native flavors which you might like, like dragon fruit or star fruit. (It’s mostly fruit. Sorry, we’re islanders.)

Sora seems to be doing a little bit better. Roxas, Xion, and them came to visit, which seemed to brighten his spirits, or at least distract him. Sometimes he still stares off into the distance and he’s not quite as chatty. This is going to take a long time.

As for the death thing… well, part of why Sora disappeared was because he went back in time to save us after the dark prophecy was fulfilled and the Demon Tide killed us… apparently. Even I can’t keep it all straight in my head, and it happened to me. He changed the flow of time to save us, and “abusing” the power of waking to save Kairi was the final straw. I… don’t like thinking about it much. It makes me feel sick.

Mundane life feels weird. I do chores around the house, and I mow lawns for some pocket change. Can you imagine it? The magic would make it easy, but it also unsettles people, so I do it with a mower. I had to go to social services to get an ID and we waited in line for two. Hours. I almost went insane. But at least it no longer has the awful picture it did when I started high school.

Speaking of, mom wants me to re-enroll right away, and dad wants me to do night school and speed through a general high school degree. I’m not sure how I feel about it, honestly. Kairi and Sora are excited, and I think it’ll be good for them. Maybe I’ll take a year, or do it online, or something. Though I’m sad to say my computer literacy isn’t nearly as good as yours.

How are you feeling in the castle? It must be summer for you guys there, too, though I imagine there aren’t beaches or anything. I didn’t see any. Do you have any summer activities? Or do you just sit in the library with a moldering old paperback all day?

Gainfully employed,

Riku

---

Dear Riku,

Thank you for satisfying my curiosity about that experience. I knew time travel was a factor in Sora’s disappearance--but I didn’t think it went like that for all of you. Terrifying. Awful.

A fantastic way to start a correspondence.

To answer the question… no, there are no “beaches” in terms of ocean beaches, but when I was a boy Radiant Garden did have springs on the far edges of town, as well as public pools. I was not allowed to go to them much--Even was rather neurotic--but yes, they do exist. Did exist. The restoration committee has it on their very, very long list. The paths down to the springs probably need some maintenance.

That is to say, when not in the lab I am sweating and thinking of cooler days. Though I know this might feel borderline chilly for you. Indifference to temperature is one of the few things on my waning list of what I miss from being a Nobody.

I’m glad you have some way to fill your days… that, and the idea of you working outside appeals to me. I imagine it must bore you.

I don’t spend ALL of my days in the library. Just most of them, lately, as am still trying to get this place even the slightest bit organized. If I had the resources I’d digitize everything. It’d make life so much easier. But I am one person with one computer and there are thousands upon thousands of books here. As a boy I used to have the fantasy of reading all of them before I turned eighteen. But, alas, that has not happened, and some of the texts are too boring, or in another language, or are too fragile to be handled. I clearly had very interesting ideas of leisure.

I still have not been able to get my hands on any decent ice cream.

Unsatisfied,

Ienzo

---

Ienzo,

I wanted to talk about this earlier but I had to get things settled in terms of my room. (Long story. Not a fun story.) Would you ever consider visiting? I could come get you. My parents are okay with it. In fact, they for some reason link you with me coming home, which I guess is true. You did help us get the clue Kairi needed. Either way, you’ve already made a good impression.

(If it’s not clear, I miss you.)

I can take you to a real beach. Show you around, not that there’s a whole lot to see. A change of scenery might be nice. Sora and Kairi want to hang out, too. Sora says hi.

If you’re busy, of course, I can come to you. But I know you’ve been there a long time, and there’s not always good memory there.

No pressure. Let me know.

Riku

---

Riku,

I think you may be on the right track with a change of scenery. I’m afraid what little wit I had left me, and when I was explaining to the others I’d like to visit, it became clear very quickly that our relationship is more than surface level. For that, I’m sorry.

However… the more I think about it, the more appealing it is. Even doing nothing--with you--is better than sitting here doing nothing by myself.

That is to say I miss you too.

I can be ready whenever is most convenient. I’m sorry for making you come all this way, though.

Ienzo

---

Ienzo,

Please, the flight will give me a few hours’ of peace and quiet. It’s been great spending all this time with friends and family, but… I feel kind of suffocated sometimes. Besides, I better keep my piloting skills in tip-top shape. Sora’s mad that I’m better at it than him. What can I say, it’s one of my many natural talents. Along with gardening, apparently.

Bring light clothes; it’s HOT here. And sunscreen. I mean it.

Looking forward to seeing you, and talking to you, in person.

Yours, Riku

[evans-heaven]

Notes on Defending Jacob ep.4 (for fun lol, also not spoiler free)

This post is gonna be shorter (maybe lol) than the first one cause it's just one episode this time around! Definitely not crying about that 😅

Just a reminder, I'm not a pro and this isn't really a review, but I am shoved rather far up Chris Evans' bum, soooooo that should tell you everything you need to know before you read these notes (or any I make in the future) 🤣😋

Another reminder that I'm not asking anyone to take me seriously. I make these notes because I enjoy doing them.

K I'm done let's get into it!!

I knew the swimming scene was coming in this episode but damn, right off the bat huh? I'm okay with the heart attack tho so no sweat 🤣

Laurie sitting in her car in the parking lot outside the store, immediately I knew why, and I think a lot of us did too. It was so sad to see. Really places us inside the depth of the situation, even if its such a small action, it speaks volumes. Poor thing must have been tired physically and mentally. My heart got torn in two every time I saw her on screen throughout the episode. I just wanna give her a damn hug 😩😭

The juxtaposition of Andy and Laurie's faces during the meeting with Joanna, while subtle, says a helluva lot about how they feel. It was such amazing facial acting. Its clear from their expressions alone, who knows the story is bs and probably will admit it, and who also knows the story is bs, but definitely won't admit it.

The way Jacob and Joanna bounced off of each other as he continued his (bs) story, was intense, and the score added to it. Jacob's rising nerves led to mine doing the same, and I even found myself trying to figure out how he could have told the story better. Joanna's expression, the 'this lie ain't shit' one, was also quite influential. Like, you wanna help this 14 year old kid, but he can't even help himself and shit just keeps piling up.

Andy babe I know thats your kid, you wanna protect and coddle him but the police was the appropriate choice of contact. And clearly theres some deeper shit going down. He didn't call you or anyone else because it's not as it seems.

"Our memories are often less reliable than we think, particularly in moments of stress" PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who immediately thought of Laurie's memory of Jacob at the bowling alley. Like obviously it was a 3 second scene, and it seemed pretty telling, but what if that's only part of it? Or what if shes not remembering it the way it went down? Like, her kid was accused of murder, and what she thinks would make it make sense might be plaguing her and being twisted by her, because of stress and fear.

My immediate reaction to Laurie's rant at Jacob was to yell "I'M SORRY" 😭 legit felt like sis was reading ME the riot act. Stress is just piling up on her and she will not have her kid acting like everything has no reason to be the way it is. Waiting in parking lots for groceries to open is not normal, having all your friends alienate you is not normal, being the talk of the town for negative reasons is not normal. So sit tf down, eat your unseasoned food and stop complaining.

In that one moment, for Andy, everything was okay as he and Jacob sat watching the movie. Until, he realized everything wasn't okay. He just had to remember that his kid, who sat there, care free, laughing at the film, was gonna be on trial for murder. It's as easy to forget as it is to remember. Seeing Andy's face change so subtly, from a smile to worried gaze, broke my heart.

Andy saying 'of course not' when Laurie asked if there was a part of him that thinks he might have done it. Who was he trying to convince?

👏🏽LET👏🏽ME👏🏽TELL👏🏽Y'ALL👏🏽SOME👏🏽THING👏🏽

That acting in the scene where Andy met Matthew? That perfect mix of chill and resolve (for lack of better word) in the way Andy spoke? The 'don't fuck with me' energy that radiated off of him? Where is the Emmy?? WHERE IS IT???

Andy's just getting increasingly desperate and its lowkey unsettling. Idc if hes a snacc, dude is being a little ridiculous and needs to do himself a favor and see things from his wife's perspective. I know it may be hard but I don't even wanna imagine where his denial is gonna take him. Also the protectiveness leading him to burst into his kid's room in a very embarrassing way was...cringe 😅

As much as I wanted Laurie to have felt normal for once since everything went down, even for a fucking hour or two, I lowkey was waiting for some shit to happen in the diner. It just seemed too good to be true. The heartbreak/shock on Laurie's face when she found out was too real.

I'm interested to see Andy's meeting with his dad. I know its gonna be difficult/uncomfortable and the amazing acting I know we're gonna see will convey that really well. Also lowkey some shade from Laurie in that scene, I love 🤣

A few more short notes:

Andy ffs your kid's story sucks for a reason 🤦🏾‍♀️

Needa know the conversation Derek and his mom had with Pam 👀

That food looked hella unseasoned, put some butter on the bread at least lmao

Andy/Chris' laugh 😭🥰

Fuck Neal

Like seriously fuck him

The little guy playing young Andy omg 😭🥺

Fucking white kids oh my gawd y'all think I could ever tell my mother to shut up 😂🙄

That DO YOU HEAR ME with the lack of the "r" in hear...🥴

Some of those images Jacob saw in the therapist's office 😣 I know that was the point but sheesh lol

Who gets a salad with fries lmao is that normal

Did Jacob fold his pizza? Is that also normal?

Reporter lady didn’t deserve those fries smh 🙄

There was a lot of food in this episode 🤣

Jay Kobbs? Really? 🤦🏾‍♀️🤣

Whatever it takes 😭 okay Steve Rogers 😭

Amazing acting from Michelle Dockery in this episode, especially the diner scene.

Amazing acting from Jaeden in the meeting with Joanna.

Amazing acting from Chris Evans no matter the scene (are we surprised? No lol), but especially when he met Matthew.

Thats all for now, see y’all for the next episode <3