#also the story actually has a little educational moment on racism which i was not expecting

[torgawl]

SOEMONE IS REALISTIC AHSNWHSJSJ

[mariana-oconnor]

Thor Bridge pt 1

Marvel has officially ruined everything because all I can think of at this title is

Big intro spiel from Watson today. Lots of stories he isn't going to tell us.

The following narrative is drawn from my own experience.

On the contrary, I found that he had nearly finished his meal, and that his mood was particularly bright and joyous, with that somewhat sinister cheerfulness which was characteristic of his lighter moments.

Watson: Holmes was eating and happy, this creeped me out.

"...we may discuss it when you have consumed the two hard-boiled eggs with which our new cook has favoured us."

New cook? What happened to Mrs Hudson? I thought she did the cooking.

And apparently Holmes has to throw shade about their taste in literature... or rather the timing of their literary entertainments.

I hope it was a good story.

“You have heard of Neil Gibson, the Gold King?” he said.

No, but if he doesn't wear gold all the time - an entire suit of gold - I will be very disappointed.

What on earth does 'the interesting personality of the accused' mean? I assume we will find out, but that's a peculiar little phrase to throw in there.

"This man is the greatest financial power in the world, and a man, as I understand, of most violent and formidable character. He married a wife, the victim of this tragedy, of whom I know nothing save that she was past her prime, which was the more unfortunate as a very attractive governess superintended the education of two young children."

So Gold King is a dickhead and quite possibly the actual murderer.

“Well, in the first place there is some very direct evidence. A revolver with one discharged chamber and a calibre which corresponded with the bullet was found on the floor of her wardrobe.”

By 'direct evidence' you mean 'entirely circumstantial and very probably planted'.

"Then the dead woman had a note upon her making an appointment at that very place and signed by the governess."

Really fucking dumb of her to lure her to the crime scene, take the weapon away but leave the note that had lured her there. And to put the murder weapon in her own room.

"Finally there is the motive. Senator Gibson is an attractive person. If his wife dies, who more likely to succeed her than the young lady who had already by all accounts received pressing attentions from her employer?"

...does she want his pressing attentions? Nothing about that sentence indicates that she reciprocated his advances or encouraged them. You have established him as a violent and unpleasant man - a side of him she'd probably see, living in the house - and sure there's a chance she's in it for the money and doesn't care that he's terrible, but also... he's terrible. More likely she turned him down and he decided to eliminate both of the women he hated in one fell swoop.

"On the contrary, she had to admit that she was down near Thor Bridge—that was the scene of the tragedy—about that hour."

“Mr. Gibson is coming. Mr. Gibson is my employer. I am manager of his estate. Mr. Holmes, he is a villain—an infernal villain.”

More evidence that Mr Gibson is a terrible person. But can we believe Mr Bates?

"She was a creature of the tropics, a Brazilian by birth, as no doubt you know.” “No, it had escaped me.” “Tropical by birth and tropical by nature. A child of the sun and of passion. She had loved him as such women can love, but when her own physical charms had faded—I am told that they once were great—there was nothing to hold him."

There's a lot to unpack there. The racism. The misogyny. The ageism. The racist misogynistic ageism.

The thing about scared employees reporting on their bosses is that they don't want to be caught by said bosses.

The thing about frauds trying to frame other people is that they don't want to be caught by the people they are framing.

Although so far everything Mr Bates has said corroborates what Holmes said at the beginning of the story, albeit with more... racism (Holmes actually was a little misogynistic and ageist, but I glossed over it).

...then with a masterful air of possession he drew a chair up to my companion and seated himself with his bony knees almost touching him.

“What were the exact relations between you and Miss Dunbar?” The Gold King gave a violent start and half rose from his chair. Then his massive calm came back to him. “I suppose you are within your rights—and maybe doing your duty—in asking such a question, Mr. Holmes.”

Huh... that's like an actually reasonable response to the question. Initial outrage at the rudeness of it, then tempered with understanding that the facts are required.

Huh.

I sprang to my feet, for the expression upon the millionaire's face was fiendish in its intensity, and he had raised his great knotted fist.

Ah, there's the violence we were promised.

"You're like a surgeon who wants every symptom before he can give his diagnosis.”

You mean... a competent one?

"Well, the stakes are down and the reserve open, and you can explore where you will. What is it you want?” “The truth.”

You can tell he's American because he's talking in American, see?

And don't we all, Holmes. Don't we all.

But alas, the truth will have to wait.

[niccoughlan]

Hi Liz! I finally caught up on s3 of sanditon. So much happened!! What are your thoughts on it?

ty for asking!!! lengthy observations here and under the cut

yesss! so my favorite observation someone had (on fb iirc) was that is was kind of a regency "love actually"? so many love stories, big and small, grand and humble. i love that. i think the absolute highlights was the montrose kids (harry + arthur too), georgiana and her mother, lady susan and samuel. tbh i like heybourne, they are cute, but they didn't intrigue me as much as the other couples. i do get chills at both cliffside scenes but the writing on colbourne was somewhat up and down for me. however, rewatching s1, i realize sidney pinged dramatically between extremely angry and being in love. he had great moments, "my truest self," the boat conversation, and really, really bad moments (ep 1 ballroom yelling, i think he yelled at charlotte aggressively in the boarding house where g lives, being a brothel patron [yike]). colbourne had great moments, cliffside confessions, trying to get her back in s2, developing into a more patient father, and bad moments, yelling at her after the garden party, being cold to his child and ward, etc. so i can't be an unalloyed devotee to either leading man. samuel, however, has never done anything wrong in his life ever!!!! that man has humor, wit, education, a career, but knows how to party down and flirt artfully with a high ranking courtier.

other highlights of the season:

miss hankins romcom heroine era is NOW

lady montrose was a FANTASTIC gentrified mrs bennet

the use of "gallows" to convey the risks of same sex love at the time was fantastic, they did not beat us over the head with it like some shows (fucking downton abbey). harry was so wonderful and charming and i was surprised because the preview pictures of the montroses didn't encourage me. i hate when shows introduce new characters but don't integrate them well or support them with good writing, but they were a fantastic contribution to existing characters and plots.

edwarddddd. ok augward is... yike. and him using wentworth's "you pierce my soul" was slightly yike. but jack fox is my legit show crush and i could watch him play anything, but villain-heroine is everything. eloise was INCREDIBLE during the scene where edward broke her heart, what a talent that young woman is!

lady denham romcom era!!! i love mr pryce, i also noted he tried to woo her with buggy rides which i HOPE is a throwback to esther and babbington with carriage rides

tom's trumpesque ruthless developer era was a lot but i know the narrative framework needs a 'villain' in every storyline. my only regret is it wasn't revealed mary was faking her illness to troll tom.

the interior set of g's party was EXQUISITE

some folks on fb wanted lockhart redeemed. hard no for me due to the racism, so i was glad to see him go full villainy, and his entrance was serving cruella (plus the fun little dandy cane was menacing until it was shown he didn't need it by skipping down the steps)

lady susan!!!!!! sophie winkleman being both minor british royalty AND a consummate actress is so charming to me. i was so glad to see that character developed instead of retaining the fairy godmother quality from s1 that didn't really show WHY she was drawn to charlotte.

the end was serving pure sense & sensibility with the confusion over engagements. the s&s ending is one of my faves of all time.

very interesting cinematography this season -- many beautiful shots from the floor up at g entering a room, behind people's heads

i loved to see the tea room feature heavily again, i love a good tea room

the show was kinda bold this season in a few ways: frank portrayal of racist and misogynist tropes of black women as hypersexual, seducing white men etc; the sidney slander during the trial dflkshfh; charlotte kissing colbourne whilst engaged

OTIS HEA. i liked him in s1 and thought they clearly showed his heart was true but behavior foolhardy. the actor looked so young in s1 but hottttt in s3.

so the homages. i was less a fan of the overt line borrowings ("you have bewitched me") and more a fan of storylines being borrowed (colbourne rescuing georgiana a la darcy rescuing lydia). i am not mad about it but it did take me out of the scenes somewhat, although i recognize it was fully intentional and meant to be a valentine to period drama devotess.

i take some issue with edward's storyline in s3 after going SO dark in s2. but i'm willing to have selective memory because i'm the jack fox fan of all time

ok last thing - i bought a sanditon prop from a dealer/collector. he has a whole box of them and i'm gonna help him index them and make sure real fans (instead of resellers) are able to have a chance at getting one. it's a prize ribbon from the sandcastle contest in s1 held by tom (kris marshall). i framed it with my pop's help. :)

ty for asking and sorry for writing so much!

[littlemixnet]

To me, a good ally is someone who is consistent in their efforts – there’s a difference between popping on a pride playlist or sprinkling yourself in rainbow glitter once a year and actually defending LGBT+ people against discrimination. It means showing my LGBT+ fans that I support them wholeheartedly and am making a conscious effort to educate myself, raise awareness and show up whenever they need me to. It would be wrong of me to benefit from the community as a musician without actually standing up and doing what I can to support. As someone in the public eye, it’s important to make sure your efforts are not performative or opportunistic. I’m always working on my allyship and am very much aware that I’ve still got a lot of unlearning and learning to do. There are too many what I call ‘dormant allies’, believing in equality but not really doing more than liking or reposting your LGBT+ mate’s content now and again. Imagine if that friend then saw you at the next march, or signing your name on the next petition fighting for their rights? Being an ally is also about making a conscious effort to use the right language and pronouns, and I recently read a book by Glennon Doyle who spoke of her annoyance and disappointment of those who come out and are met with ‘We love you…no matter what’. I’d never thought of that expression like that before and it really struck a chord with me. ‘No matter what’ suggests you are flawed. Being LGBT+ is not a flaw. Altering your language and being conscious of creating a more comfortable environment for your LGBT+ family and friends is a good start. Nobody is expecting you to suddenly know it all, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a perfect ally. I’m still very much learning. Even recently, after our Confetti music video I was confronted with the fact that although we made sure our video was incredibly inclusive, we hadn’t brought in any actual drag kings. Some were frustrated, and they had every right to be. You can have the right intentions and still fall short. As an open ally I should have thought about that, and I hadn’t, and for that I apologise. Since then I’ve been doing more research on drag king culture, because it’s definitely something I didn’t know enough about, whether that was because it isn’t as mainstream yet mixed with my own ignorance. But the point is we mess up, we apologise, we learn from it and we move forward with that knowledge. Don’t let the fear of f**king up scare you off. And make sure you are speaking alongside the community, not for the community. Growing up in a small Northern working-class town, some views were, and probably still are, quite ‘old fashioned’ and small-minded. I witnessed homophobia at an early age. It was a common thought particularly among men that it was wrong to be anything but heterosexual. I knew very early on I didn’t agree with this, but wasn’t educated or aware enough on how to combat it. I did a lot of performing arts growing up and within that space I had many LGBT+ (mainly gay) friends. I’ve been a beard many a time let me tell you! But it was infuriating to see friends not feel like they could truly be themselves. When I moved to London I felt incredibly lonely and like I didn’t fit in. It was my gay friends (mainly my friend and hairstylist, Aaron Carlo) who took me under their wing and into their world. Walking into those gay bars or events like Sink The Pink, it was probably the first time I felt like I was in a space where everyone in that room was celebrated exactly as they are. It was like walking into a magical wonderland. I got it. I clicked with everyone. My whole life I struggled with identity – being mixed race for me meant not feeling white enough, or black enough, or Arab enough. I was a ‘tomboy’ and very nerdy. I suppose on a personal level that maybe played a part in why I felt such a connection or understanding of why those spaces for the LGBT+ community are so important. One of the most obvious examples of first realising Little Mix was having an effect in the community was that I couldn’t enter a gay bar without hearing a Little Mix song and watching numerous people break out into full choreo from our videos! I spent the first few years of our career seeing this unfold and knowing the LGBT+ fan base were there, but it wasn’t until I got my own Instagram or started properly going through Twitter DMs that I realised a lot of our LGBT+ fans were reaching out to us on a daily basis saying how much our music meant to them. I received a message from a boy in the Middle East who hadn’t come out because in his country homosexuality is illegal. His partner tragically took their own life and he said our music not only helped him get through it, but gave him the courage to start a new life somewhere else where he could be out and proud. There are countless other stories like theirs, which kind of kickstarted me into being a better ally. Another standout moment would be when we performed in Dubai in 2019. We were told numerous times to ‘abide by the rules’, which meant not promoting anything LGBT+ or too female-empowering (cut to us serving a four-part harmony to Salute). In my mind, we either didn’t go or we’d go and make a point. When Secret Love Song came on, we performed it with the LGBT+ flag taking up the whole screen behind us. The crowd went wild, I could see fans crying and singing along in the audience and when we returned it was everywhere in the press. I saw so many positive tweets and messages from the community. It made laying in our hotel rooms s**tting ourselves that we’d get arrested that night more than worth it. It was through our fans and through my friends I realised I need to be doing more in my allyship. One of the first steps in this was meeting with the team at Stonewall to help with my ally education and discussing how I could be using my platform to help them and in turn the community. Right now, and during lockdown, I’d say my ally journey has been a lot of reading on LGBT+ history, donating to the right charities and raising awareness on current issues such as the conversion therapy ban and the fight for equality of trans lives. Stonewall is facing media attacks for its trans-inclusive strategies and there is an alarming amount of seemingly increasing transphobia in the UK today and we need to be doing more to stand with the trans community. Still, there is definitely a pressure I feel as someone in the public eye to constantly be saying and doing the right things, especially with cancel culture becoming more popular. I s**t myself before most interviews now, on edge that the interviewer might be waiting for me to ‘slip up’ or I might say something that can be misconstrued. Sometimes what can be well understood talking to a journalist or a friend doesn’t always translate as well written down, which has definitely happened to me before. There’ve been moments where I’ve (though well intentioned) said the wrong thing and had an army of Twitter warriors come at me. Don’t get me wrong, there are obviously more serious levels of f**king up that are worthy of a cancelling. But it was quite daunting to me to think that all of my previous allyship could be forgotten for not getting something right once. When that’s happened to me before I’ve scared myself into thinking I should STFU and not say anything, but I have to remember that I am human, I’m going to f**k up now and again and as long as I’m continuing to educate myself to do better next time then that’s OK. I’m never going to stop being an ally so I need to accept that there’ll be trickier moments along the way. I think that might be how some people may feel, like they’re scared to speak up as an ally in case they say the wrong thing and face backlash. Just apologise to the people who need to be apologised to, and show that you’re doing what you can to do better and continue the good fight. Don’t burden the community with your guilt. When it comes to the music industry, I’m definitely seeing a lot more LGBT+ artists come through and thrive, which is amazing. Labels, managements, distributors and so forth need to make sure they’re not just benefiting from LGBT+ artists but show they’re doing more to actually stand with them and create environments where those artists and their fans feel safe. A lot of feedback I see from the community when coming to our shows is that they’re in a space where they feel completely free and accepted, which I love. I get offered so many opportunities to do with LGBT+ based shows or deals and while it’s obviously flattering, I turn most of them down and suggest they give the gig to someone more worthy of that role. But really, I shouldn’t have to say that in the first place. The fee for any job I do take that feels right for me but has come in as part of the community goes to LGBT+ charities. That’s not me blowing smoke up my own arse, I just think the more of us and big companies that do that, the better. We need more artists, more visibility, more LGBT+ mainstream shows, more shows on LGBT+ history and more artists standing up as allies. We have huge platforms and such an influence on our fans – show them you’re standing by them. I’ve seen insanely talented LGBT+ artist friends in the industry who are only recently getting the credit they deserve. It’s amazing but it’s telling that it takes so long. It’s almost expected that it will be a tougher ride. We also need more understanding and action on the intersectionality between being LGBT+ and BAME. Racism exists in and out of the community and it would be great to see more and more companies in the industry doing more to combat that. The more we see these shows like Drag Race on our screens, the more we can celebrate difference. Ever since I was a little girl, my family would go to Benidorm and we’d watch these glamorous, hilarious Queens onstage; I was hooked. I grew up listening to and loving the big divas – Diana Ross (my fave), Cher, Shirley Bassey, and all the queens would emulate them. I was amazed at their big wigs, glittery overdrawn make-up and fabulous outfits. They were like big dolls. Most importantly, they were unapologetically whoever the f**k they wanted to be. As a shy girl who didn’t really understand why the world was telling me all the things I should be, I almost envied the queens but more than anything I adored them. Drag truly is an art form, and how incredible that every queen is different; there are so many different styles of drag and to me they symbolise courage and freedom of expression. Everything you envisioned your imaginary best friend to be, but it’s always been you. There’s a reason why the younger generation are loving shows like Drag Race. These kids can watch this show and not only be thoroughly entertained, but be inspired by these incredible people who are unapologetically themselves, sharing their touching stories and who create their own support systems and drag families around them. Now and again I think of when I’d see those Queens in Benidorm, and at the end they’d always sing I Am What I Am as they removed their wigs and smudged their make up off, and all the dads would be up on their feet cheering for them, some emotional, like they were proud. But that love would stop when they’d go back home, back to their conditioned life where toxic heteronormative behaviour is the status quo. Maybe if those same men saw drag culture on their screens they’d be more open to it becoming a part of their everyday life. I’ll never forget marching with Stonewall at Manchester Pride. I joined them as part of their young campaigners programme, and beforehand we sat and talked about allyship and all the young people there asked me questions while sharing some of their stories. We then began the march and I can’t explain the feeling and emotion watching these young people with so much passion, chanting and being cheered by the people they passed. All of these kids had their own personal struggles and stories but in this environment, they felt safe and completely proud to just be them. I knew the history of Pride and why we were marching, but it was something else seeing what Pride really means first hand. My advice for those who want to use their voice but aren’t sure how is, just do it hun. It’s really not a difficult task to stand up for communities that need you. Change can happen quicker with allyship.

Jade Thirlwall on the power, and pressures, of being an LGBT ally: ‘I’m gonna f**k up now and again’

[avani008]

Historical Make Me Choose! 2. Mughal or Maurya, 8. Religion or Art. Talk About: 3, 6, 9, 15

Make me choose between the Mughal and Maurya dynasties:

This is especially grueling, because--well, luck being on my side--I want to someday write origfic historical fantasy based on both of them. So, to start with, I will take the coward's way out and say both, because they're both entertaining in different ways.

The Mughal dynasty is well-documented, which is amazing for finding out hilarious anecdotes (Hamida Banu dissing Humayun! Akbar's cheetah obsession! Jahangir's hilariously honest autobiography) as well as--reading between the lines--some pretty amazing women. The Mauryas, in contrast, are so spottily documented, we can't even be entirely sure that the Buddhist and Greek/Macedonian sources are even talking about the same events/rulers, but assuming it is so--it's a wild ride, starting with a teenager overthrowing the dominant dynasty and his line conquering most of India within two generations. From a writing standpoint, having so much left empty is a gift, leaving so much available for the imagination. And yet, I wish we knew of more ladies from that history, because what little we do get is so fascinating (Durdhara's family connections and bizarre death! Dharma who sounds steely enough to be a second Kunti! Most of Ashoka's wives, who all seem super strong-minded in their own right.)

Make me choose between studying religion and art.

Oh, religion definitely. Not that art isn't great (it is!), but religion involves so much stories, and such insight into the psychology of any given culture. I had a college instructor who argued that religion and the afterlife told you more than anything about the general optimism/worldview of a culture (ie, Mesopatamia which had erratic floods and a harsh worldview had gods who really didn't care about them; whereas ancient Egypt, with regular floods and prosperity, had an afterlife that, assuming you could get in, was one big party.) Plus, religion affects passing references (how many casual Mahabharata and Ramayana references do you see in India media? Or just in conversation?) and swear words (such that an utterance as hilarious as the word "Zounds" could be an actual profanity. Amazing.)

A historical misconception that you hate.

AHHH there are so many--the inherent classism in deciding Shakespeare couldn't actually be a dude from Stratford, but a university-educated nobleman!--but at the moment, one of the most bemusing is the claim that Mughal princesses were forbidden from marrying. I keep on running into this as fact, and...don't actually see that it has any actual basis in fact, at least not during the reigns of the six major emperors. For evidence, I present the following deep dive:

(behind the cut due to length)

Most of the time I see this cited as "Akbar forbade princesses from marrying" so we'll start with him. Certainly Akbar's aunts and sisters were mostly married, so that's not an issue.

Of Akbar's daughters that I can find: Mahi Begum died young, so she doesn't count. Aram Banu Begum seems to have been --well, if we believe her brother Jahangir--kind of A Lot, despite being her father's favorite, so it seems likely marriage either wasn't her thing, or no one was agreeable to marry her. His other two daughters, Shakr-un-nissa and Khanum Sultan, were both recorded as having married, however, with their marriages arranged by Akbar himself.

But, hey, maybe he came to that decision later. So let's look at his granddaughters: Jahangir had plenty of daughters, and I can't find references to the marriages of all of them (or even how long they lived, for that matter)--at least one, Bahar Banu Begum was married to her cousin Tahmaras, and probably others too. Another of Akbar's granddaughters, Jahan Banu Begum (daughter of Murad) was also married to her cousin Parviz.

Of the generation following: let's put aside Shan Jahan's three daughters for now, since none of them married but i would argue they're a special case. Parviz, who I mentioned before, had one daughter Nadira Banu, who married her cousin Dara Shikoh; his brother Khusrau also had a single daughter Hoshmand, who married (you guessed it!) a cousin. The final granddaughter was Arzani begum, also granddaughter of the disgraced Nur Jahan, about whom I can't find a reputable death date, much less whether or not she was married. So--yes, for the most part, these women all ended up married cousins, but it's not strictly accurate to say they couldn't marry period.

A final note on Aurangazeb, who also gets accused of hte "prevented daughters from marrying" stance: yes, his most prominent daughter Zeb-un-nissa never married, but it certainly seems she had proposals aplenty and her father only vetoed the most prominent because he disapproved of the groom's father (who was his brother. the cousin thing, again.) Two of his other daughters did marry, with no objections recorded.

So honestly? It seems marriage wasn't forbidden by any means. And for those women who didn't--well, is it so impossible to believe that these princesses figured that a life in the imperial harem (which isn't the Orientalist boring fantasy most people imagine, but instead a city of women, with libraries! and schools! and markets! hunt! play chess and polo! From the harem, women could watch politics, or engage in trade, or create architecture, or participate in community service. By no means, it was great, but opportunities sucked all-around for anyone who wasn't a cis-male in that time, and this life must have seemed preferable....) with a loving father/brother was much better than being married to some rando. Plus, esp in the case of Shah Jahan's daughter, their mother died in childbirth, quite infamously--to me, it makes perfect psychological sense that they might all be leery of marriage/childbirth.

A historical figure you think is underrated.

Sadly, most figures from Indian history, but picking one at random: Razia Sultan! Not only awesome for being the first female Muslim ruler in Indian history, but also a really really good one--committed to public service, working for civil rights for the poor and those who didn't share her racial/religious/cultural background, and also open-minded/anti-racist enough to, at the very least, make a man of African descent her foremost advisor and friend. (I ship Razia/Yakut, and NOTP her relationship with Altunia pretty strongly, but even otherwise; she clearly respected Yakut as an equal, which says a lot about her. LOVE HER.

A historical myth/legend/rumour/story (flexible)

Oh, forget it, we're going to talk about Razia and Yakut, or at least the rumor they were romantically involved. A few words on Yakut: he was of Abyssinian ancestry, and actually came to her father's court as a slave, but was soon freed and allowed to rise up the ranks (this was very much a socially accepted Thing in the Mamluk court--more on this later--but he definitely had to face significant racism. Sure, there's no actual proof that he and Razia were involved, but--she made him her Master of the Horse (you know who else did? Elizabeth I for Robert Dudley. Just saying.); she never turned from him, even in the face of nasty rumors, and his loyalty to her meant he died in battle defending her throne; and fwiw, she didn't marry another as long as he lived. It's...questionable, too, how voluntary her marriage to Altunia was to me; certainly, being held hostage by the dude doesn't make for a great start. Now, again like Liz I/Robin Dudley, they could just have been BFFs/platonic soulmates, but if so I don't care--their dynamic is just A+ to me and I love it.

A historical headcanon that you have.

Akbar was dyslexic, and this was the reason behind his famous illiteracy.

[sarita-daniele]

On Fanfiction and Original Fiction

I have a lot of feelings about the Tumblr debates surrounding fanfiction vs. “real writing” and am going to try to engage with them in the most productive/positive way possible, hopefully in a way that holds space for writers of all backgrounds and ability levels.  

A note on my background, for context: I’m a professional published writer and writing educator. I hold an MFA from one of the top ranked MFA programs in the country. In the six years since completing my degree, I’ve been published in journals, anthologies, won literary awards and fellowships, been solicited by agents and presses for upcoming manuscripts, and have my first book coming out next year. My career has unfolded within the literary establishment, and I’m familiar with both its merits and its bullshit. I’m also a successful writer (of poetry, literary fiction, and speculative fiction) who gained many of my first, lifelong writing tools through fanfiction.

I’ve spent a lot of time processing the elitism, classism, and racism that writers (including Latinx writers like myself) face in the MFA world and in the publishing world. I’m working in a literary tradition that uplifts white male American minimalism as a style all writers should value and work towards. A literary tradition that discounts story structures that come from oral tradition, and discounts popular and genre fiction without considering why people connect with those stories. There are so many ways in which writers use their privilege and education to put each other down, and I think that this discussion engages some of these inequities even if it doesn’t come from that place.  

As an educator, I’ve taught in a range of literary spaces. I’ve taught at my top-ranked university, where most of my students were financially privileged and had years of access to elite education. I’ve taught in inclusive nonprofit spaces with writers of all ages and backgrounds. I’ve taught in community spaces, writing poems and stories with homeless youth who dropped out of school, whose imaginations and ability to tell their own stories was no less than the young people who had more linguistic tools. A recent class I taught for my nonprofit was called “From Fanfiction to Fan-worthy Fiction”. In this class, I worked with teen fanfic writers to examine craft differences between fanfiction and original fiction. We talked about the tools they gained from fanfiction: writing genuine character moments, understanding character archetypes and tropes, asking “what if” questions and filling gaps in representation, writing toward an audience, developing a consistent writing practice, and learning to write toward the units of scenes and chapters. We also discussed the pitfalls they might discover as they transitioned to original fiction: original world-building, developing complex and nuanced character backstories, finding the right starting place, understanding story structure and pacing, breaking away from fandom inspiration, and editing and polishing.

Within the class, we talked about how, if we only read fanfic, our understanding of storytelling will be limited to what works in fanfic. There’s a world of story out there, and if we want to write original stuff, novels and short stories and poetry will help us gain the tools we need. This is what I think post “read real books” was getting at, but in a world where young people have their attention so divided by media and technology, I try to celebrate any reading my students are doing. If students tell me what kind of fanfics they love, what kinds of tv shows and videos games and stories they love, I recommend books they might also love. I had the privilege of growing up in a household where my love of books was fostered. This isn’t true for all writers. Some of my most successful writer friends and most talented students didn’t grow up in spaces where reading was valued or encouraged. I react against “read real books” because the phrase contains a certain privilege, as if people aren’t reading “real books” out of laziness or lack of ambition, or because they’re in a fanfiction bubble. It implies that consuming story outside of books isn’t “real”. Some of my students have felt intimidated by novels but welcomed by fanfiction. It isn’t a matter of yelling at them and telling them they’re doing something wrong—it’s a matter of helping them see that they can locate their love of story and character in books, then providing access points.  

I wouldn’t be a professional writer if not for fanfiction. There are successful writers who have written fanfic and see it as separate from the development of their original work, which is great. But for me, who grew up with no writing community, with little access to creative writing education, and no place to geek out over the books I loved, fanfiction was an incredibly valuable training ground.

The heart of this argument is: who gets to call themselves a “writer”? Who gets to call themselves a “real writer”? What assumptions do we make in the process of assigning those labels? In my opinion, anyone who writes is a writer. My adult student who won literary awards and has her first book of poetry coming out with a major press. My friend who writes for Marvel. My friend who won the Yale Younger Poets Prize and a Lambda Literary Award. My retired adult student who always had a yearning to write but never actually tried it, who took her first class in her sixties. My thirteen-year-old teen student trying to find her way back into the education system, who had no grammatical tools, no education around writing, but wrote songs and raps just for herself. The sixteen-year-old fanfic writer who wrote to me seeking private coaching, who saved up all her money from her first job for those coachings, who didn’t even know what the past tense was and wrote and read only what you’d consider “smutty” anime pairings. All of these people were writing. All were doing the work of writing with the tools they had. All of them had an interest in learning more.

I like to believe that all fanfiction writers are writers, whether they pursue publication or not, whether they write original work or not, whether they develop their tools further or not, whether their writing has value for others or just for their own expression. If those writers want to improve—and we should always be improving, no matter how much we’ve published—then they can learn by reading, they can watch Youtube tutorials, and, if it’s accessible to them, they can pursue education in literary spaces. There are books that earn praise within the literary establishment that leave me cold. There are fanfics that ignite my emotion. There are lauded books that have forever changed me as a person and obscure books that have changed me equally. If you feel that writing is part of who you are, and it’s something you practice often, then you’re a writer, no matter what skill stage you’re at. I hope that claiming that title for yourself empowers you to develop your writing, using whatever tools you have available.

And if you want to take classes with me or other awesome writers from anywhere in the world, with lots of free sessions and scholarship opportunities, check out GrubStreet!

[avid-adoxography]

So uuuuh, love triangle with Kardok uh? Tell us more about it 👀

Oh! Sure thing anon, but first a little disclaimer: I'm gonna base the answer on snips and bits from notes of my very old and in dire need of an update MediEvil fic, so take it as it is for now aight? Also put your seatbelts on and hold on tight, this is gonna be a bumpy ride yeee-haw! kdhdh

* Edit: I had to put it under another cut because it got longer than expected and again I don't wanna monopolize the dashboard with my posts

Basically my ME!Sona [redacted] and Oliver used to be a thing back in the days. They were so in love and they were the embodiment of happiness as a couple, despite her family disapproving of their relationship because of him (unwillingly) working for Zarok, their "lack of perspectives in life" given that both want to be artists (a painter and a bard respectively) and some fantasy racism just because, until one day Oliver just disappears. First it's days, then weeks and then months pass without her having a way to reach him if not through letters. Their correspondence, however, is short-lived because they suddenly break-up (through some very, maybe too much?, carefully planned and indisputable reasons they must go separate ways), just before my Sona could tell him she's pregnant. The news are so devastating for her, having lost the only good thing that happened to her, that she has a miscarriage and, unable to cope with the loss, she locks herself into her room and lets herself wither away.

And here is where the Cult makes its official apparition; posing as a holy institution, they convince her parents to entrust them with their daughter, assuring them that she will receive not only a flawless education but room and board without them having to fork out a shilling. And so she's taken into their custody, in a secret temple hidden away from the outside world (although is easy to find if you know where to look, hint hint) where she discovers the truth of her very being and her powers within.

In the meantime Oliver is being kept prisoner in the depths of Zarok's lair, subjected to the worst experiments by the latter to create an army of Fazgûls (he's the Adam of the situation let's say, with him being the first Fazgûl ever created and all). Long story short he kinda loses his mind here also because of his drug addition (he poisons himself to forget what Zarok forces him to do, mostly when it involves killing people) and so even when the sorcerer let's him go he's in such a dire mental state that he basically can't do anything but crawl to bed and fall into a coma, a dreamless sleep populated only by the ghost of his lost love. And regret. Lots of it.

Cut to some(?) years later, and my Sona returns to Peregrine Shire, her hometown, which she will destroy overnight when she unintentionally transforms into her true form. Zarok notices the huge beast wrecking havoc in the distance and goes "Damn girl, I could use that for war!" and orders his goons to go fetch her. Oliver is among them and realizes™ they're heading where my Sona lives, so in a moment of found lucidity he sprints into action trying to take her to safety (hint hint he can't, or at least not in the way he's thinking of).

Long story short, she gets taken to Zarok's lair but she escapes thanks to Oliver, Lord Kardok is put to the chase and manages to make her crash from the skies into the Silver Woods (rip Ghost Ship, ye shall be missed). She transforms back before he can see her and connect the dots, but she's injured and she's once again in one of those situations that threaten to break that already fragile thread that holds her sanity together (having burned her hometown to the ground and probably her parents too so she's left with nothing to turn back to. AGAIN.) so she kinda just, wait for him to finish her off. But he doesn't and actually decides to pick her up and bring her home with him. To tend to her wounds and interrogate her about the beast since she was the only person around to witness it fall ofc, no other reason at all! (<- is lying, also I remember it was a very good, almost touching passage in my fic so here's that too but details djdh)

Long story short, he takes an interest in her, she reciprocates, Oliver goes through an existential crisis when he sees them together but he's fine (spoiler alert he's not or rather he's very conflicted and it will show, and tbh my Sona still feels something for him but she can't forget what ""his"" letter put her through), then Lord Kardok and my Sona get married, but then the war happens and then she's pregnant again (of a child of dubious paternity but shhhh you didn't hear it from me 🤫) but then he dies and then the Cult claims her and then a century passes and Zarok returns... It's all quite a mess ngl jdhhc

So yeah, that's about that I guess, hope this helps and thank you so so much anon for actually forcing me to sit down, look through my MediEvil stuff and out together somewhat of a decent answer... That also works a reminder myself of all the blood and tears and sweat I've put to come up with all this succulent lore™ djdhhdh

[clvmtines]

welcome aboard, clementine martinez, student #2. we are excited to set sail with you !  has anyone told you that you look like alexa demie? according to our records, you hail from florida, usa, prefer she / her pronouns, are a cis woman, and are here to study creative writing. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your online lottery win — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + charming, + free-spirited, but also - restive. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the billiards room. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a casino chip carried around for luck from home. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!

hi friends! i’m very excited to be here. i’m jay (est, she/her) n i used to play astrid nyland a few months ago if anyone remembers bt i had to leave for personal reasons. i’m so glad to be back now that i hve life sorted and some free time for summer break <3 read on for some details abt this new muse of mine, clementine. 

01. biography !

so ! clementine was born in florida. & yes, her real name is clementine. her mom thot it was the cutest name idea ever. clementine mostly goes by clem. she comes from the town [redacted] in florida bcoz i am too lazy to look up a specific town <3 but alas ! it was swampy and humid and she lived in a trailer park. 

her parents got knocked up at nineteen. clem was born nine months after a particularly wild 1999 fourth of july. her birthday is march 26th and she’s an aries. 

(TW: addiction, child injury) clem’s dad was a gambling addict and petty criminal—he wld steal credit cards n whatnot. he wld gamble away diaper money n it would cause constant fighting until her dad finally left. her mom took this very hard n began drinking a bit too often, leaving clem to to make cereal for dinner n fend for herself. once clem tried to make hot dogs on the stove and spilled boiling water on herself. got a p bad burn on her arm/shoulder and still has a big scar.

the soundtrack of her childhood was cicadas buzzing and stray dogs barking. the sizzle and pop of natty light cans. turning up her ipod to max volume to drown out the sounds of her mother fighting with her new boyfriend.

throughout her upbringing, clem’s dad was always in and out of the picture. he’d blow into town when he hit it big. he’d take her on these little “adventures” like staying in a motel 6 n renting movies at block buster n ordering good pizza nt the dominos shit she ate with her mom lol. ofc he was charging it all to someone’s stolen credit card. he’d always promise to, like, take clem away. n clem was a daddy’s girl so she believed him. the last time it happened was her h.s. graduation. her mom didn’t show ( "overslept” after a bender ) but her dad did and surprised her n said everything wld be different. bt then he bailed on their plans for the next day n when she called his cell, the number was disconnected. tht was the defining “i’m done” moment. clem promised to never be disappointed by her father again.

(TW: racism) her mother has mexican ancestry and clem’s always been called her twin. but clem was raised in a predominately white area and honestly ?? it was really hard without her even realizing it. she’s still unpacking a lot of things today abt her youth that jst weren’t okay bt she thought were normal. like microaggressions, stereotypes, being fetishized by boys in high school. gross shit.

as a kid, clem was rumored to be really poor bc she wore tattered clothes n got free lunch at school. once she invited a friend to her house & the next day they told everyone it’s in a trailer park. that reputation—the “trailer park girl”—was really hard to shake. and clem got almost desperate to shake it. she was endlessly trying to set her old self on fire and emerge from the ashes like a phoenix.

eventually clem became more “popular”. in school she was, like, a straight b student. very average although super creative and quick-thinking. she always had street smarts. problem solving skills. independence. more of, like, practical intelligence as opposed to book smarts because academia bores her tbh. she was like why am i reading these overrated boring books by dead white men or learning abt polynomials when i know nothing abt how to pay a mortage or do taxes. like...she saw the american education system as bullshit and put in modest effort because she didn’t believe it deserved her sweat and tears. 

however, she entered the online lottery for the seas program on a whim and got in. so she’s studying creative writing now.

02. personality !

first thing you shld know abt clem is that she’s a compulsive liar essentially—she tells various stories to make her life seem better than what it was. to one person, she’s an heiress to a real estate company and grew up wealthy. to the next she was raised by nomadic hippies. some of her lies are small fibs while others are grandiose tales. she rarely talks about her actual upbringing. she hates talking abt her family or the v real trauma of growing up in a household where both parents struggled w/ addiction; the uncertainty, the broken promises, the fact that she had to grow up so soon and deal w/ so much. it wasn’t fair, and if she thinks about it too much, she feels this anger. anger at the universe. anger at her circumstances. she doesn’t know where to put this anger. she doesn’t know how to shrink it. so she avoids it.

despite her rough upbringing, though, clem is actually really sweet and kind. she’s adventurous, fun-loving, free-spirited, and bold. 

bt ! she can also be closed-off, competitive and restive. 

she’s seemingly tight with everyone? like she’s jst that girl who can get along with anyone tbh. 

in her spare time you can catch her tanning by the pool, hanging at the bar, playing pool ( which she learned from her dad ), and socializing. she’ll never say no to hanging out with people. 

she learned a lot from her little “adventures” with her dad, who was very good at conning others and often involved her in his dumb little scams. clem is suuuper good at pulling the ‘im baby 🥺’ card to get what she wants.

she can be a little selfish, because she grew up looking out for herself. 

stubborn and dogmatic as hell !!!

she doesn’t do too many relationships but when she does fall, i imagine she falls hard and fast. she refuses to be made a fool of, tho. when she gets vulnerable she flashes back to being a kid, waiting all day for her dad to show up only to have him bail on her. again. she hates that feeling. so if she, like, senses a shift in someone’s energy she’ll b like, “i’ll break up with u before u can do it to me” and the person wasn’t even tryna dump her lmao.

has a lot of sex. too much ?? sex?? mayb. but she’s v sex positive.

her personal style is v late 90s. hair clips, big scrunchies, neon, fur trim, crop and tube tops, hoop earrings, chokers, patterns, platform shoes, biodegradable glitter cuz it’s good fr the earth *winks*. clothes from o-mighty.......actually jst google o mighty, pull up the images and That is clem. she dresses like a bratz doll. she’s dedicated to the aesthetic.

03. headcanons !

her item brought from home is a hot pink poker chip from a casino. her dad gave it to her. he said it reminded him of her because of the color; he got it during one of his winning streaks and said it was lucky. she has a complicated relationship w/ her dad n doesn’t even speak to him anymore, bt she will never go anywhere without it.

she’s a smol bean—only 5′4

an astrology girl and she reads palms ! she absolutely makes astrology tik toks that people only watch because she’s hot. her flirting technique is to ask you to read your palm.

she doesn’t typically drink to get drunk. but she does love a good sugary cocktail. to her, a drink is like an accessory. a blue fishbowl by the pool, a jack and coke as she stands around a bar. usually she'll nurse the same beverage for a while. if you see her wasted it usually means she’s going thru it emotionally lol. the one thing she does do is drugs tho 

pretty much listens to exclusively female artists.

a bit of an activist. environmentalism, feminism and the like, she’s v outspoken. vegan for ethical reasons (TW: drugs) bt still does cocaine. she wears shirts with ‘my pussy my choice’ bedazzled on the front.

loves to rollerblade ! back home she didn’t have a car so she’d bike or rollerblade. now she still has her blades and she’ll use them when the ship docks. 

03. wanted connections !

Friends, bffs, ride or dies, friends who are like siblings to her, maybe a friend with an unrequited crush on either side ??

an ex she dumped/cheated on/otherwise self sabotaged their relationship because she was afraid of vulnerability.

an ex friend who realized she lies a lot abt herself n felt betrayed. OH ! ESP if they opened up to her on many occasions abt intimate, personal stuff. imagine the betrayal they felt when they found that everything they thought they knew abt clem is a lie.

someone who she actually opens up to. a confidant. or, maybe, like, a stranger she drunkenly spilled her soul to and now she avoids them like the plague.

a rival. clem can be competitive.

her drug dealer 

someone she knows she shouldn’t hook up with and… does it anyways. like a friend’s ex or smthing. spicy <3

i welcome anything !

[ayellowcurtain]

So, I've been reading through the Wtfock tag a few times a day and it seems like very day the people get more and more angry at Kato (as they should), but I can't help but think that this is exactly what the producers want us to think and feel. Because, in Skam we are always meant to hate the "william" character at first because he is cocky and conceited, but, with the exception of Charles from SkFr, we all love the "William" character especially Senne. Kate is meant to make us feel this way. 1

(2) Kato is going to get her hell week too. She is going to say something to make Moyo wake up and realize how toxic she really is, and then she will get her redemption. Moyo got his redemption after calling Robbe and Sander gross. I think Kato will hopefully get hers too. It would be nice to have her use her instagram fame for something useful. I'm trying not to judge too harshly until the season is done.

Sorry, anon, you lost me with the “we all love the William” hahahaha because, my god, do I hate the Williams. 

With the exception of Senne and Alexander (which does not mean these two are in any way, shape, or form, close to being perfect, because both of them have a little too much of William in them still). And I don’t mind Edoardo. 

The rest is just... a mess I’ll never be able to support. The OG William is a close second place to the William I hate the most. 

Back to your messages: We all dislike Kato because she’s racist. Simple as that. 

I get when people are uneducated, but this doesn’t seem to be it. And we need to understand not everything can be excused, her behavior so far can’t be excused, she needs to be called out. Not only she’s racist, but she’s a little manipulative and a brat. I was actually very much enjoying this season until she opened her mouth that morning to talk about Moyo and Yasmina called her out, but that wasn’t enough. She kept saying stupid shit. The way she tried to explain herself to Yasmina also seemed to be that she’s more than well aware of what she was implying.  

Again, I’m not at all saying Moyo is a good guy, because we’ve seen him enough to know better. His five-second excuse to Robbe wasn’t enough for me, wasn’t enough to make him a “good guy”. He’s cool in Kato’s POV, but he was still an ass in Robbe’s and Zoe’s POV. 

If this was the producers’ idea of writing a villain story, they missed their point by a long shot. 

At this point, I can’t see myself feeling bad for Kato for whatever hell week is coming her way. I have a feeling she’s still going to be a brat after being called out by Moyo or Yasmina or anyone and she’ll act all disrespectful and dumb all over again, she’ll be all alone and the producers will want us to feel bad for her when she’s just getting what she deserves. The writers didn’t manage to write her well enough for me to feel anything for the girl. 

When they got close to getting my full attention, my affection for Kato, they made her a racist. 

That’s the problem: I don’t think Kato is going to wake up that easily. And she’s old enough to educate herself. I don’t need Moyo or Yasmina to tell her things. She needs to get her shit together by herself and for herself. She needs to apologizes, to know what she’s apologizing for, and to be better. And to constantly check herself out, her attitudes, her words, her actions. It’s the bare minimum she could do. And we’re running out of time for her to do all of that on-screen, in front of the audience to teach them some things too, seeing how some are struggling to find the racism in this season, somehow. 

I don’t think Moyo got his redemption. At least we didn’t see it. With the videos Robbe made of him I assume (ASSUME, that’s very different from KNOWING) they talked more about things, but we didn’t see it or we didn’t hear about it, so this is just a headcanon, the show didn’t give us any more information other than that tiny moment where he apologized. Maybe a photo of Robbe and Moyo on Moyo’s insta, with some long, loving caption would give us even more hints that the apology we saw wasn’t the end of that conversation. 

His redemption with Kato was bigger than his redemption with one of his closest friends, WTFock didn’t care enough about one of their most successful characters to make Moyo apologize properly to him so I don’t know what they expected from us to feel about a character we barely know. 

I tried not to judge harshly until WTFock left us with a racist main and bad writing. We’re almost halfway through the season and not much has happened, it keeps getting worse and messier and weaker. Something happened behind the scenes, that’s the only way I can wrap my head around the messy, boring, plain plot they’re giving us. 

Their instagram post today was a clear indication that they’re actually blind, thinking they’re doing something right with this season. 

[asterekmess]

1-11 Scott/Posey Stans always try to deflect criticism of the way Scott McCall is written in Teen Wolf by claiming that ANY attempt by a fan, a viewer, or a critic of holding Scott to a level of behavior that one would expect of a character who is a main and the self-proclaimed hero of the show is “racism”. Except that their accusations don’t make any sense whatsoever, because Scott’s canonical shitty actions and behavior don’t stem from his race (or canonical lack of thereof.)

Okay hun, this is a doozy, so I’m putting it under a Read More.

2-11 Scott McCall is mean. He’s mean to Stiles, he’s mean to Allison, he’s mean to Derek, he’s mean to Peter, he’s mean to Cora, he’s mean to Lydia, he’s mean to Jackson, he’s mean to Erica, he’s mean to Isaac, he’s mean to Malia, he’s mean to Malia, he’s mean to Kira, he’s mean to Liam, he’s mean to Chris, and he’s even mean to Theo (“You are barely even human!”) Scott McCall is deliberately rude to the Hales, Boyd, Ethan, Danny, Hayden, Jiang, Tierney, and Melissa.

3-11 Scott McCall deliberately USES, INSULTS, HUMILIATES and DEHUMANIZES people in ways that demonstrate that he is fully aware of what he’s doing. Scott McCall deliberately disregards other people’s needs in order to fulfill his own. Tyler Posey being half Mexican doesn’t change the fact that his fictional character Scott McCall is a whiny coward and an abusive piece of trash,

4-11 and that his so called ‘defense squad’ enjoys the power fantasy that Scott can be cruel, can lie, can assault, can lash out, can violate other people’s boundaries, bodily autonomy and consent, can commit premeditated murder, can break the law without impunity, can dehumanize, can gaslight and victim blame his friends to his heart’s content and no one should ever hold it against him

5-11 In both the production and in some Scott supremacist fanfics, there’s often the premise that people are evil and in the wrong if they call Scott out on his bullshit or hold his toxic behavior against him. Take Season 1. As much as the Scott McCall defense squad brigade love framing Stiles and Derek getting shit done and prioritizing people’s life over Scott’s jealous fits and temper tantrums as the height of depravity

6-11 Scott/Posey Stans consciously and steadfastly ignore all the cruel things that Scott says and does throughout the seasons, such as “How much Adderall have you had today?” OR “What are you trying to do?! I just made first line! I got a date with a girl who I can't believe wants to go out with me and everything in my life is perfect! Why are you trying to ruin it?!” OR “The hunters had a reason to slaughter your entire family and pack”

7-11 (As an aside, it’s amazing to me how Fanon rewrites Scott as this brilliant thinker and strategist and mastermind who is so much smarter and better than everyone else in every way even though Canon Scott spends the entirety of Teen Wolf doing absolutely nothing except get his ass handed to him by everyone, whining about wanting to be popular/get his dick wet/play lacrosse, screaming at his friends and girlfriends, being utterly useless when left to his own devices,

8-11 and planning to bite Stiles against his will because he doesn’t know what to do. But I digress.) Or take Season 5. In the rain argument in Lies of Omission (5x09), Scott McCall’s hypocritical, dehumanizing speech to Stiles is one of the meanest, cruelest, most disgusting manipulations I have ever seen a television character deliver to another television character they supposedly cared about. It’s victim blaming and gaslighting at its vilest.

9-11 And, of course, the Scott McCall defense squad focuses exclusively on the idea that Stiles didn’t behave “the right way” in that scene (AKA taking Scott’s bullshit without clapping back like Scott wanted and demanded), and cannot entertain for one moment the idea that Scott provoked that response by dehumanizing Stiles and by accusing Stiles of being a violent, dangerous, inhuman monster and serial killer based on Theo’s words alone.

10-11 After all, it’s part of their power fantasy. Scott being “abandoned” and “mistreated” by his “ungrateful” friends serves another type of fantasy: the poor oppressed martyr. It doesn’t matter why Scott is abandoned or who is leaving Scott, it’s all about Scott McCall’s right to own people and demand his friends’ love, friendship, loyalty, sympathy, forgiveness, obedience and devotion without having to account for his own abusive behavior.

11-11 And that’s Scott Stans’ point: Only Scott McCall Is Important and Damn Derek/Stiles/Liam/Other Teen Wolf character for having a life and motivations that don’t revolve around Scott! To them (and to Canon Scott), the pack exists not to serve all its members, but to serve and validate Scott McWhinyCall. Because, after all, that’s what antis want for themselves – validation in the face of shortcomings and bad behavior.

Wow, that was a lot of anger. Do you feel any better after venting that? I really hope so, it honestly looks p cathartic. Okay, I apologize in advance if I don’t come across as quite so passionate, I’m kinda bleh today and I already used up all my righteous fury in an earlier post, so I’ll do my best.

I honestly understand the worry about people disliking Scott as having racist motivations. As I said in another post, there aren’t a lot of Latino (wait, I read somewhere to use latine? Should I use that instead? I’ll use that, someone correct me if I’m wrong. The thing also said latinx was not great bc of pronunciation issues? I’m not educated enough on this. Halp, please.) Latine protagonist characters in popular television, especially for teen dramas like Teen Wolf. Intentional or not, written into the show or not, Scott is half-latine. His mother is a latine woman. We don’t see them speak spanish or take part in any specific cultural traditions, but that doesn’t make him white. Yes, his character was written for a white guy, but Tyler Posey is the one who got the part and we can’t strip him of his heritage just because the show originally meant for Scott to be white. My husband is almost always mistaken for white, even though he’s also half-latine, but that doesn’t make him any less latine. There’s little enough representation as it is, and if we start being picky about whether characters were ‘intended’ or ‘written’ as POC, everything will just fall to shit. Plus, as a white person, I have literally no rights to decide that Scott’s white. I’m cool with that. Would prefer to just stay in my lane, if I’m honest. With Scott established as being a POC, it’s totally reasonable for other POC and fans of Scott to be worried that those of us who don’t like him have that opinion because of either passive or active racism. There are a lot of occasions where Protags of Color were either liked less, or actively disliked for just being ‘not white.’ It also doesn’t help that Scott is one of very few “good” Characters of Color in TW (whether we agree or not, he is presented as a ‘good guy’). We have Boyd, who dies in 3A and doesn’t get much character developement in the meantime, and Kira, who sticks around for a while, then has to leave because of ‘losing control’ which is apparently a very common stereotype for POC, especially within Fantasy or Supernatural settings. Other than them, the other POC are either bad guys or just morally dubious. I’m not sure where Deaton falls on the scale either. I understand it being frustrating to some people for us to take one of the few “good’ characters and see him/describe him as a villain. It’s important for white people, and honestly, anyone not latine (because even POC can be racist against people who aren’t their race) to be self-aware and analyze the various reasons why we dislike Scott and make sure that we aren’t accidentally being passively racist. Just because we’re sure we aren’t, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t double check. And if we find we are, then it’s up to us to correct that mindset and educate ourselves. There is no shame in learning that you have not great habits or mindsets and working to fix them. That’s how growth works. It’s equally important that when we’re writing fic, we watch how we portray him and the other POC in the show. I’m not saying we can’t write Scott bashing fic. Fuck knows that I’ve written plenty of Bad Friend Scott McCall fic, and I don’t intend to stop. But we still need to be self-critical and make sure that we’re not writing Scott (or the others, please assume from here on out I’m saying Scott and the others) into racist stereotypes. We shouldn’t reduce him to just a “Yes” man, or make him constantly submissive, or constantly vicious and angry and mean for no reason. It’s one thing to write him as doing something bad or cruel and making it realistic for the story. It’s quite another to have him just randomly pop in to say “fuck you” and hit someone (I’m not referencing something specific here, I’m just saying dumb stuff). Honestly, I don’t know enough about this and I’m not really entitled to go into too much more detail. Instead, I’d recommend that even if you don’t think you’re hating Scott for racist reasons, still read This Post about racism in fandom/fanfic. When I read it, it was both reassuring and intimidating. I have anxiety, so I’m usually worried about doing things for ‘the wrong reason’ even when that’s not actually my reason for doing the thing. Reading this gave me a clearer view of my own thoughts, and it honestly made me feel a little more comfortable with my own mentality because it gave me a structure to think about and consider when I’m worried that I’m doing something racist. It’s worth the read. I’d also like to reiterate the suggestion on that post, to check out the blog Writing with Color, which is a great resource for writing Characters of Color. It doesn’t have as many resources for fanfiction writing and the grey area involved in writing characters that your reader already knows, but their ask box is closed at the moment, so maybe when it opens again someone’ll send in an ask about it (If I actually remember to, I’ll do it myself, but that’s unlikely, so if one of you feels so inspired, please do so and help a fic writer out!)

Now. I cannot speak for every single fan of TW who is anti-Scott in some way. Obviously not. But, I can speak for myself and for the experiences I’ve had within the fandom. My issues with Scott are many and complex and a lot of it is intrinsically connected to issues with the writing of the show in general and with the creators and the calls they made. In all the conversations that I’ve had with other fans, I’ve never seen anyone list Scott’s race as a problem. I’ve never seen anyone talk about how they wished he were more submissive or more obedient. Maybe that he would listen to actual adults once in a while, but not that he be unreasonably obedient of white characters. I’m not all-knowing on the subject of racist stereotypes, but nearly every complaint I’ve seen was based on details from the show and specific moments and dialogue, not just a general disgust with his existence. Furthermore, for all the anger I see directed at those of us that prefer Stiles, Derek, or even Peter, I’ve also never talked to anyone who liked those characters who wasn’t willing to admit that there were plenty of points in canon where they fucked up or did something wrong. Again, I don’t know everyone in fandom, so maybe there are people who won’t admit those things, but they aren’t in the majority.

I personally hate the way I see Scott treat people in the show. I hate the really vicious things he says and does and the chronic lack of self-awareness or growth. Even worse, the way the show excuses his behavior, be it intentional or not, has soured a lot of other parts of the show. The clearly impulsive moments that could easily be excused by him being a really stressed out teenager make me a lot more frustrated than they would, had I not known that he would never get better. That he would never stop saying things like that. I can’t even make myself enjoy the genuinely sweet moments with him and Allison or him and his mom, etc. I might hate that he left Stiles’ messages unanswered and skipped an entire day of school during a crisis to hang out with Allison, but I would’ve liked to enjoy their banter, the soft moments between them that are actually really nice. I can’t though, because so many other things about his character have ruined that for me.

It isn’t okay to attack people for disliking a character and throw around such charged words like “racist” and “abuse-apologist” or anything else. First off, this is fiction, and we all need to keep that in mind. These are not real people we’re talking about. Secondly, calling someone racist because they disagree with you (unless they are actively saying/doing something actually racist) isn’t okay and it isn’t an adult way to deal with things. Someone not liking a character doesn’t automatically make them racist. Someone happening to prefer a white character over a Character of Color doesn’t automatically make them racist. Sure, they might have passively racist motivations that even they don’t realize. But it is not up to strangers to come yell and call names without proof. There are plenty of reasons that have nothing to do with race (Not saying “i don’t see race.” I’m saying “Not About Race”) that I like Stiles over Scott, ranging from the fact that he’s physically more my type, to sharing a neurological condition with him, to just preferring Dylan O’Brien as an actor because he makes me fucking cry every time he cries on screen. What’s important is that we self analyze and check ourselves and our opinions to make sure that we aren’t falling into the racist habit of disliking Characters of Color for no real reason. But that isn’t something that other people can do for us, and it’s not their place to tell us what we think. Calling a stranger racist for saying they hate Scott’s behavior in the show doesn’t do anything for racial equality. It just makes people stop listening to the word ‘racist.’

There are times I seriously get frustrated with TW to the point of considering not watching anymore. Of closing my blog and stopping reading fanfic entirely because every single time I read a fic where Scott’s a ‘good guy’ or a ‘good alpha’ or where Derek is glad to be a beta again because he likes following Alpha Scott, I get squicked so badly I have to click out and just sit there for a second to settle. I can’t disentangle the things he does/says in the show from the fic.And I’ve written Good Friend Scott McCall fics. I have multiple wips where he’s either a decent person or he grows from being a dick to being a decent person. With my own work, I know that there’s an awareness to his behavior in the show and an active intent to rewrite/fix his behavior so that he is a nice person. With other people’s works, I don’t have a guarantee (unless it’s mentioned in tags or author’s notes, and I don’t expect people to have to explain themselves that way), and it personally makes me uncomfortable to read something when I don’t know if the writer actually sees Scott that way. It’s a personal preference, and one that I stick to pretty strictly.

Scott brings me no joy, and with him as the main character, I’ve come perilously close to cutting myself off from the most welcoming, loving fandom I’ve ever been a part of (except the Merlin fandom, but I don’t blame anyone who can’t compete with them. They’re fucking magical.). But I’m still here. I still love, if not the reality of the show, then all the potential I see in it when I watch. I love watching Derek and Stiles interact with each other and with the other side characters. I love seeing the glimpses of Boyd that we get, the tiny scenes of Erica, the snarky moments with Isaac. I even like Kira, though I haven’t seen a whole lot of the show where she’s in it/genuinely can’t remember it (I can’t even remember how far I’ve seen total, but I don’t think it was past S4, and I haven’t seen past S2 in months and months) and she spends most of her scenes with Scott, which just....kind of ruins the scenes for me.

That’s the glory of fandom though, of media in general. I don’t have to like Scott. I can love Derek and Stiles instead and I can choose not to read fics where Scott is a major player or an Alpha at all. I can read fics where Kira’s part of the pack without Scott ever getting involved, and see her interact with everyone else. Or fics where Boyd never dies and watch him bake or read or play lacrosse with the pack. I can curate my own experience, whether that means blocking tags or users or filtering fics, or just straight up skipping certain scenes/episodes of the show itself. I cope with my frustrations by coming on this blog and ranting about it. Yeah, this is a public space, but it’s also a space people choose to view. If they don’t like my opinions, they can block me or unfollow me or all of the above. They don’t have to read it, just like I don’t have to read any of their pro-scott stuff. I also read fic that does explore how Scott’s behavior is problematic and cruel sometimes. Fic that either erases him or turns him into the villain, I find fun and interesting and the relationship between him and Stiles cracking into pieces is something I find extremely cathartic, so I read it pretty much every chance I get (though, i’m so picky about fics I read, you’ve no idea). I also write fic. I write the most mushy, self-indulgent sterek fic and Stiles-centric fic and and Scott bashing fic that I can possibly write. It’s a joy and a therapy all its own. Fuck, I’m rewriting the entirety of canon for fuck’s sake and I’ve made so many changes that at this point I honestly have issues remembering what happens in the show, bc I rewrote the damn thing.

At the same time, Scott fans are gonna write their power fantasies. They’re gonna write anti-Stiles stuff and anti-Derek stuff, and whatever else tickles their fancy. They’re gonna make their own rant posts and gifsets. And to be quite honest, I don’t give a single flying fuck. I already have those tags filtered out on Ao3. I don’t follow any pro-scott tumblrs. That shit doesn’t show up for me most of the time, unless it’s not tagged properly, and even then I just click out, take a second, and move on.

No one is required to like or dislike specific characters, and it’s unfair of anyone to tell us otherwise. Fandom is built on choice. The choice to disagree with canon, or to re-envision it altogether, or to love it entirely. No one can take that away from you. So long as you aren’t hurting anybody, just keep doing you, friend. I’m here for you to vent to when it gets to be too much.

<3

[victoria-daydreams]

Till Kingdom Come

Chapter One: My Story Is Much Too Sad to be Told

AN: I’m fairly shocked at the reception this story got, I didn’t expect to gain immediate attraction because I posted it at like 3am lol. Nonetheless, I am grateful to all the people who read this story. Once again, this chapter is dark as well. I promise this whole story is not going to be doom and gloom, but it feels inappropriate to even try to glaze over the cruel treatment of slaves in America and to be honest, this chapter is probably just a glimpse of what real life slaves were put through.

Word Count: 3.1k

Trigger Warnings: slavery, violence, physical/mental abuse, racism, racial slurs

Chapter Two: Life Being What It Is

That was seventeen years ago.

Sabine's life had changed for the "better", at least that's what Mistress Genevieve would try to convince her as such. Sabine certainly didn't see it that way, she was still a slave, after all. Not to mention, that the Martin family has for all intents and purposes, mentally and physically scarred her for the rest of her life.

Sabine was fucking miserable on the Martin Plantation.

From the moment Sabine arrived on the plantation as a child, she became something of a pet project to Genevieve. She taught Sabine arithmancy, how to read, write, and to speak proper English and French. This was not out of kindness though, no, this was a source of derision. Whenever Genevieve would host any type of social gathering, Sabine would find herself being paraded around by her Mistress to her guests.

She despised the gatherings with every fiber of her being, she was subjected to the most degrading comments by the party goers.

"Dear me, I didn't know negros had the capacity to learn how to read,"

"Genevieve, you must have the patience of a saint to be willing to teach a member of an illiterate species,"

"You taught the monkey to read and write? What's next Genevieve, music?"

This is what Sabine had been put through for as long as she could remember. Every time she learned and mastered something new, Sabine knew what was to come. She hated the fact that accomplishing something a white person could do was met with oohs and awws in the most mocking fashion from Genevieve's friends. Sabine remembered one night that word had spread at a party that she was fluent in French and for the rest of night she was bombarded with requests of ‘saying something in French’. She felt like an animal in a zoo and she knew that's how most people viewed her in the first place.

"Teach anymore parlor tricks to your pet Genevieve?"

Sabine would internally scowl every time she witnessed Genevieve be lavished in praise by her friends for her work. Isn't it sweet? The benevolent mistress bestowing an education to a lowly slave like herself. The Southern Belle, extending her graciousness to one of her lowliest effects.

Oh, but Sabine would find little ways to carry out her revenge especially as she grew older and was given tasks that held more responsibility. Her favorite way, "accidentally" pulling her mistress' corset too tight or "accidentally" stabbing her in the scalp with hairpins. Her yelps of pain would bring a ghost of smile to Sabine's lips which would instantly vanish if Genevieve turned around to scold her for her carelessness. And of course Sabine would offer a quick apology, telling her mistress that she didn't mean to and will be more mindful in the future. But the second Genevieve left the room, Sabine would let out a snicker only to be popped in the back of the head by Alice, the woman, who's in charge in keeping the rest of the slaves in order.

The blow was not out of malice, further from that really, it was out of love and concern. Alice had been like a mother figure to Sabine since the day she arrived on the plantation.

"One day the Mistress is not going to put up with your 'mistakes'," Alice warned, worry was evident in her eyes.

It wasn't until Sabine would turn sixteen the following year that Alice's warning would finally sink in for her. The most ironic thing about it was the fact that it didn't happen because of one of Sabine's mischievous acts, it happened because of the wandering eyes of Genevieve's husband, Aaron Martin. What's even more ironic, is that Master Martin didn't even want Sabine in the house at first, he wanted to make her a field hand. Genevieve convinced him otherwise, saying that she would be malleable and make the perfect, obedient slave since she had no attachments on their plantation.

She was wrong.

The decision to keep Sabine as a house slave would be one that Genevieve would come to regret, but only out of wounded pride. Sabine, on the other hand, longed for freedom and was desperate to escape the growing tension between Genevieve and Master Martin. She doubted that they knew how many times she fantasized about running away from the plantation. It was more than once as each day passed.

She had good reason to as well, Sabine had noticed that the mistress had been short-tempered with her as of late. And that was never more evident on one fateful day, where everything in Sabine's life seemed to further spiral out of what little control she had.

Sabine wiped down the top of the fireplace on the far wall of the parlor room, humming to herself.

"What's that song?"

Sabine stumbled in surprise of hearing Master Martin's voice, his French accent only slightly there. Pushing away from the fireplace, she tightened her grip around the rag in her hands as she stood at attention. His thin lips were curled up into a smile, a smile that Sabine was sure he thought would put her at ease, it didn't. Matter of fact, the expression had the exact opposite effect, Sabine thought his smile looked like a wound opening. Everything about the forty-five year old man unnerved her, Master Martin had a complexion that teetered between being pale and matte, short, dark brown hair sat on top of his oblong head. His long face made his humped nose prominent, but the most terrifying feature on his face was those piercing gray orbs.

It was the eyes of a predator stalking its prey.

Bowing her head in apology, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you, Master," Sabine apologized, vowing not to hum again.

"You didn't disturb me. What is that song?"

It's something that her mother would sing to her when she was younger. Sabine couldn't remember the words to the song, but she knew how the tune went, it was the only piece of her mother that she had left of her.

Shaking her head, "I don't know," Sabine lied remorselessly.

Instead of letting her get back to her work, Master Martin just continued staring at Sabine, it made her flesh crawl. His eyes traveled from her face before letting them roam down to her neck and then onto her chest. This had become increasingly normal behavior for Master Martin, each week it seemed like he managed to find her alone and just study her figure. His eyes would always linger on her breasts, and that was what made Sabine most uncomfortable in his presence.

Master Martin leaned against the door frame, "You've been filling out your dress quite nicely as of late Cecile," he commented, now looking at slim waist and then her hips as his tongue darted out to wet his lips.

Sabine had to swallow down the bile she felt that might escape her mouth.

"Cecile!" Genevieve's shrill voice called from down the hall. "Cecile! Where are you, you daft girl?!" she yelled, as she stopped right beside her husband. "Aaron, dear, what are you looking-" she began, but cut herself off when she followed her husband's leering gaze. Genevieve's expression hardened and she narrowed her eyes at Sabine, pressing her lips together into a thin line. She stormed over to Sabine and came to a stop in front of her.

"Mistress I-" Sabine started, but Genevieve's hand whipped out and struck her hard across the face. Sabine's head snapped to the side and she lowered her stare to the floor, her breath uneven as she rubbed her cheek.

It was the hardest slap she had ever received.

"You stupid girl! Why are you distracting the Master?" she demanded, glowering at Sabine. "Get out of here and get back to work!" she ordered, her rising temper reflected in her face.

"Yes Mistress," Sabine replied, quickly bowing her head as tears began to well up in her eyes.

"And didn't I tell you to cover that horrid hair of yours? The sight of it is revolting!"

Genevieve had never once demanded Sabine to cover her hair, not until that day. But from that day on, Sabine wore a headscarf religiously to cover her head. Sabine figured that Genevieve's thought process probably fell along the lines of, if Sabine's hair wasn't visible then she'd become less attractive. It was a flawed logic that did nothing of the sort, much to Genevieve's and Sabine's dismay. So, for Sabine, the physical and mental abuse she received from Genevieve increased on a scale that she never experienced before.

The days of Sabine just being a pet to show off to Genevieve's friends to poke fun at her, were long gone.

Genevieve now saw Sabine as competition for Master Martin's attention. Attention that Sabine never wanted in the first place, Genevieve could keep her disgusting husband all to herself for all she cared. But of course, Genevieve would never see it Sabine's way, no, somehow Sabine's at fault for Master Martin's lustful stares.

Things only seemed to get progressively worse for Sabine as the years passed and her body continued to mature. Not only did she draw the unwanted attention from her perverted master, but she unfortunately also captured the eldest son's attention, Marc. He was almost a spitting image of his father, but was by far, worse than him. He's actually touched her in inappropriate ways, too many times for Sabine to recall. At least Master Martin just stared at her, although Sabine was sure that one day he might begin touching her as well, her worst fear was that he would flat out rape her.

Lord knows, Marc had been working his way up to it.

Sabine noticed that he had become increasingly aggressive as of late. And that frightened her to no end. She remembered one time after a dinner party she had to serve in the parlor room where the male guests were playing cards. She had just finished serving a round of drinks to Marc's table and the way he decided to thank her was to roughly squeeze her ass with a disingenuous smile. This action made the men at the table roar with laughter, but all Sabine could feel was mortification.

She wanted to curl up into a ball and cry in the corner of the small shack that she called home.

Sabine wanted to believe that the abuse she was suffering could not get any worse, she thought wrong. For, not only was she terrorized by the Martin's, but Marc's arrogant, smug college friends who often visited the plantation, partook in her torment as well. They would whisper things in her ears that no upstanding, God-fearing gentlemen would ever say to a white woman.

And for having such a supposed repulsion and violent reaction to someone of her complexion, white men sure seem to fancy negro flesh. It was confusing, yet terrifying realization. How could you hate and treat someone with so much scorn, but at the same time want to sleep with them?

Sabine's worst experience with one of Marc's friends was that he managed to corner her and forceful stick his hand up her dress, grabbing her thigh, luckily his hand wasn't able to go any higher thanks to one Alain Martin.

The only kind-hearted Martin in the family.

Alain, the curly headed and bright blue-eyed boy who always had a boyish grin on his face. He actually treated Sabine and the other slaves on the plantation like actual human beings, showing them dignity and respect, something that was completely foreign to them. Sabine wondered how the cruelty that Alain's family gleefully inflicted on the slaves didn't corrupt him and make him turn out like them. Maybe it was because Alain had actually questioned his surroundings as a child and didn't simply just accept what his mother and father told him as fact. She could recall many times Alain saying, ‘that doesn't seem right’ as a child.

And as Alain grew older, he continued to challenge his parents on the practice of slavery, prompting several arguments and debates, especially when it was dinnertime. Sabine had been a witness to quite a few of the shouting matches that would erupt at the table between Alain and Master Martin, Alain would also go at it with his older brother. Marc claimed, 'that because of the negro skull size all they were capable of was menial work and that white people were justified for enslaving them. With no one to oversee the negroes, they would hurt themselves'. This claim only enraged Alain further and Sabine as well.

Sabine had more knowledge in her pinky, than Marc's thick skull.

She pitied Alain, he had become the black sheep of the family. He attended college in the North and his views against slavery had only become stronger. He was an unapologetic abolitionist, which of course was completely the opposite of what his family believed. There would be many times that Sabine found herself listening to Alain as he vented out his frustrations about his family. She didn't mind, because that's what friends do, you let them vent.

However, it was not always like this, the bond they shared now as young adults would seem unimaginable to Sabine when she was younger.

Sabine and Alain had spent a lot of time together as children, but not because she wanted to, at first. The only reason she and Alain were in close proximity all the time, was the fact that she was tasked with fanning him while he had lessons with his tutor. Sabine resented him, they were only two years apart and yet here she was fanning him like he was some type of king. She was cold towards him (as respectfully as possible) and it went on like that for a couple of months, until Alain decided to speak to her when his tutor went inside the house.

"Pssst, Cecile, do you know how to say this word?" he asked, pointing to a word in his book.

Internally, Sabine arched a brow, she didn't know if he was asking out of genuine curiosity or to mock her.

"No sir," she answered, her grip tightening on the fan at the fact that she had to address a fellow child as 'sir'.

"You didn't even look," he argued softly, looking up at her. "Come on, I know you're smart, probably smarter than me," he added, moving the book closer to her eyes.

"Don't let the master and mistress hear that," Sabine remarked mindlessly, before freezing at what she let slip from her mouth.

Sabine expected to hear Alain run from his seat and tell his parents what she said, instead she heard giggles.

"You're funny Cecile," he commented, shaking his head.

A breath of relief left Sabine and she craned her neck, "What's the word, sir?" she asked, her eyes scanning the ink on the page.

"This one," he replied, pointing to the third word on the page.

Sabine nodded her head, "It's glaciers, sir," she said, before looking at Alain.

"Thank you Cecile," he smiled, bringing the book closer to him again.

"Your welcome sir,"

"Alain," he corrected.

"What, sir?" Sabine asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Call me Alain,"

And from that day forward, to some extent a friendship was born. The breaks in between Alain's lessons where his tutor wasn't present, were the only time that the two of them could really speak to each other. Alain did most of the talking, he told Sabine things he probably wasn't supposed to and if his mother ever found what Alain told her, Sabine was sure that Genevieve would just about faint. Sabine on the other hand, was much more reserved on what she was willing to tell Alain. She never told him anything personal, just mainly what she did each day. Sabine was afraid of telling Alain something that could somehow finds its way back to Genevieve. But, as years passed and they slowly matured, Sabine finally felt that she trusted Alain enough to tell him her real name when they were fourteen.

She hadn't heard the name Cecile since.

It was a friendship of secrecy, but that didn't mean Alain wouldn't try to protect Sabine as best he could. Alain could do it overtly, like he done with Marc's friend by yanking him away from Sabine and punching him square in the jaw. Other times, he would opt for more subtle ways that were just as effective. Remember the assault that Sabine suffered in the parlor room? Well, Alain was a witness to his older brother's molesting of her.

Alain strode over to Marc, appearing as though he was going to tell him off, which for Sabine's sake, she hoped he wasn't. It would only lead to further humiliation of her in some sort of fashion and probably Alain as well. Alain approached the table where his brother was playing cards when he suddenly tripped over his feet. Sabine watched in almost awe as the champagne flew in the air before raining down all over Marc, soaking his hair and a part of his evening jacket and dress shirt.

Marc's face turned beet red.

Sabine had to force herself to keep a neutral face, for a grin was threatening to form on her lips followed by uncontrollable laughter.

"You clumsy idiot!" Marc exclaimed, venom laced in his insult.

Alain didn't seem affected by the remark, "I'm so sorry brother," he apologized, without the faintest hint of sincerity in his eyes. "I'll go get some towels for you," he offered, before turning to look at Sabine. "Will you escort me? I would hate for my clumsiness to resort in another mess," he explained, and Sabine nodded.

"Of course sir," she stated, and led Alain out the parlor room.

Once they were in the hallway and out of view from everyone, Alain grabbed Sabine's wrist and pulled her along to the bustling sounds of the kitchen. Entering the room, Alain let go of her wrist and the two of them stared at each other before bursting out in laughter. Sabine felt tears forming in her eyes and used the back of her finger to wipe it away.

"You're going to get an earful from your mother Alain," Sabine warned, with a breathless laugh.

"I don't give a damn," Alain declared, a proud grin on his lips. "Marc deserved it," he added, nodding his head.

Sabine leaned back against the counter, "You didn't have to do that for me," she said, looking over to her friend.

"No," Alain disagreed, vigorously shaking his head. "I had to, Sabine," he corrected, his expression turning serious. "Marc assaulted you. He humiliated you," he continued, his hands bawling up into fists. "Humiliation in return, it was the least I could do," Alain explained, and Sabine ran her hand up and down his arm soothingly. "I know it won't erase what was done to you Sabine, but I had to do something," he finished, his gaze soft as he looked at her.

"It is a small victory I shall revel in for a long time," Sabine said, placing her hand on top of his shoulder. "Thank you, Alain,"

Chapter Three: Steal Away

[trippinglynet]

Drug Use for Grown Ups by Dr. Carl L Hart

“I am an unapologetic drug user. I take drugs as part of my pursuit of happiness and they work” begins Dr. Carl Hart’s newly released book, Drug Use for Grown Ups: Chasing Liberty in the Land of Fear.

Dr. Carl Hart is a professor of Psychology at Columbia University and the former the Psychology Department Chair. He is a research scientist that focuses his efforts on understanding drug use and drug addiction. His personal journey took him from being a supporter of strict drug laws with harsh penalties to being an advocate of legalization and science-based public policies.

His new book, Drug Use for Grown Ups, explains why drug policies in the United States are deeply flawed, often propped up by racist appeals and unsupported by science. Dr. Hart’s personal story is also compelling, and he effectively weaves his own narrative throughout the book providing a fresh perspective on the issues.

Dr. Hart grew up in a poor neighborhood. He used and sold drugs, and kept a gun in his car. After completing high school he joined Air Force, which started him on the path of higher education. Ultimately he earned a Ph.D in neuroscience, in large part because he wanted to solve the issue of addiction, which he blamed for many of the problems his childhood neighborhood faced.

As his knowledge grew, his perspective changed. He began to see drug abuse as a symptom of a problem, rather than its cause. Unemployment, racism, classism, poverty, and boredom contribute to drug abuse. In contrast, he recognized that physically and mentally healthy people may choose to use drugs to increase their personal happiness, without imposing any cost on society and little or no harm to themselves. Recreationally he has used, and in some cases continues to use drugs to improve his life. Among the drugs he has used are heroin, MDMA and cannabis.

Drug Use for Grown Ups has been released at a perfect time. Decriminalization of cannabis has lead to a broader reconsideration of drug policies. The voters of Oregon recently voted to decriminalize all drugs, and focus resources on treating those who experience troubles. In the coming years our social policies toward drugs and their users will be reconsidered, and Dr. Hart’s message needs to be heard loud and clear in any debate.

Let’s take a moment to review some of the themes Dr. Hart touches upon.

the War on Drugs

The foundation of American drug policy has never been the public’s good health. Instead, it has been a tool used by politicians and law enforcement to consolidate power and advance personal objectives. The War on Drugs has been and always will be a war on the poor and people of color. It has been used to stoke fear in middle America, often using deeply racist rhetoric. The prize is large: A $35 billion industry. An industry that relies on one drug crisis after another to sustain it.

A now familiar refrain began in earnest over 100 years ago, when white America was first warned of the pending dangers of drug abuse. In 1914, a New York Times article announced “Negro Cocaine ‘Fiends’ Are a New Southern Menace.” (See insert). The author, an accomplished physician, warned of the “Negro fiend’s'“ homicidal propensities, and super human abilities: “[T]he deadly accuracy of the cocaine user has become axiomatic in Southern police circles…. the record of the ‘cocaine nigger’ near Asheville who dropped five men dead in their tracks using only one cartridge for each, offers evidence that is sufficiently convincing.” [FN]

But we need not look back 100 years to see this same rhetoric. The crazed super-human negro theme appeared in 1991, when Rodney King was badly beaten by Los Angeles police. The assault was justified initially by the claim King was on PCP at the time of the beating, and the use of PCP, it was reported, can give super human strength.[FN] When toxicology showed no traces of PCP, the argument became that it was reasonable for the officers to use overwhelming force because they believe King was on PCP. [FN] Missing from news reports is the demonstrated fact that PCP does nothing to increase human strength, although it can reduce the perception of pain as one is badly beaten.

When Trayvon Martin was shot to death by George Zimmerman in 2012, Zimmerman’s lawyer argued that Mr. Martin’s drug use could have made him aggressive and paranoid [FN]. While barring testimony that Martin regularly used marijuana, the judge in the case allowed a toxicology report to be admitted that showed trace amounts of THC in his body. The amounts were well below the threshold for any type of intoxication, and suggest that he had not used marijuana for at least twenty-four hours.[FN] As Dr. Hart notes, Zimmerman’s “[defense team] reverted to the familiar and tired marijuana-crazed Negro script, illustrating the enduring persuasive power of this myth.”

And in 2014, while peacocking his proposed harsh drug legislation, Maine Governor Paul LePage sounds the familiar tune of the negro menace coming to town, and leaving in their wake a trail of drug-fueled destruction and impregnated white girls.

Wait, what? Impregnated white girls? Yup, read (or better yet, watch the video):

I’ve got a bill into the legislature right now to take the traffickers….these are not the people who take drugs….These are guys with the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty. These types of guys, they come from Connecticut and New York. They come up here, they sell their heroin, then they go back home. Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young, white girl before they leave, which is a real sad thing because then we have another issue that we got to deal with down the road.

A racist dog whistle through a bullhorn, cynically used by the Governor of one of the whitest states in the nation.

These drug laws, enacted via race-based fear mongering, are often drafted to primarily impact poor and BIPOC communities. Selective enforcement further leverages their discorporate impact on vulnerable populations. Dr. Hart notes, for example, that the infamous 1973 Rockefeller drug laws in New York State created mandatory 15 years to life sentences for the possession of small amounts of heroine or other drugs, and “More than 90 percent of those convicted under the Rockefeller laws were black or Latino, even though they represented a minority of drug users.” And one should not forget the crack cocaine laws, which provided penalties of 100 times that of powdered cocaine, despite there being little difference between the two compounds other than the manner in which they are ingested (smoking vs. snorting), and the population perceived to be using them (black vs. white).

The False Science of Drug Abuse Policy

"There are virtually no data on humans indicating that responsible recreational drug use causes brain abnormalities in otherwise healthy individuals. "

As a research scientist, Dr. Hart is able to go beyond reviewing the contemptible motivations and tactics of some of the anti-drug crusaders, and addresses head on the science of drug use. Drug policy should be routed in public health concerns, not in political power grabs. U.S. government action should be designed to promote those values articulated in our Declaration of Independence, which guarantees our citizens the birthrights of “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Dr. Hart correctly notes that the Declaration of Independence “proclaims each person’s right to live as they see fit, as long as they do not interfere with others’ ability to do the same. And it declares that governments are created ‘to secure these rights,’ not to restrict them.”

A common sense approach to drug regulation is for the government to balance public health concerns and an individual’s pursuit of personal happiness, using scientific data to weigh the costs and benefits of restricting individual freedom. The first step in this process is to look at objective, peer-reviewed scientific studies of drug use. It turns out this isn’t as easy as it should be.

First, studies often show that either the harm from drugs isn’t particularly high. For example, back in 1972, Richard Nixon declared drugs to be “Enemy Number One”, and the phrase “The War on Drugs” became popularized, which included aggressive prosecution of marijuana use. This was simultaneous with Nixon’s own Shafer Commission releasing its finding, following a comprehensive, science-based analysis of the issue of marijuana use in the United States. It found “No significant physical, biochemical, or mental abnormalities could be attributed solely to their marihuana smoking” and recommended decriminalization of its possession.[FN] It’s no surprise that one of Nixon’s closest aids later told a journalist that the War on Drugs was a war on the “antiwar left and black people”[FN]

"Over my more than twenty-five-year career, I have discovered that most drug-use scenarios cause little or no harm and that some responsible drug-use scenarios are actually beneficial for human health and functioning."

But what about studies that do find drugs to create some type of harm? As Dr. Hart developed his professional expertise he came to a troubling conclusion: “I came to realize that drug-abuse scientists, especially government-funded ones, focus almost exclusively on the detrimental effects of drugs, even though these are, in fact, a minority of effects.” And concluded, “over my more than twenty-five-year career, I have discovered that most drug-use scenarios cause little or no harm and that some responsible drug-use scenarios are actually beneficial for human health and functioning.”

Dr. Hart calls out bias at National Institute of Drug Addiction, and in particular, the roll of Dr. Nora Vokow, NIDA’s director. NIDA is a government agency, with an annual budget in excess of $1 billion. Many scientists rely on NIDA grant money to do their studies. While recognizing Dr. Vokow as an accomplished researcher, Dr. Hart also paints a picture of a bully, who overstates the negative impact that recreational drugs have on the brain, while essentially ignoring any benefits. Many scientists don’t publicly share their views for fear of repercussion, including the loss of critical funding from the NIDA. In short, “it is difficult to disentangle politics from science when dealing with a federal organization such and NIDA.” Personally, I doubt that a research agency that names itself “National Institute of Drug Addiction” rather than the “National Institute of Drug Health” is likely to produce unbiased analysis anytime soon.

Unfortunately, the issue goes beyond the almost inevitable bias in U.S. government funded studies. Even when a scientific study is well designed, researchers can interpret the results to support their own pre-conceived notions, an issue Dr. Hart provides evidence of. The press can then take the study and further distort findings with sensational headlines. Dr. Hart takes the time to walk through several examples where these distortion have occurred as well. He also provides a basic framework on how to read studies, and to interpret their results. He even spends a fair amount of pages criticizing his own early work, which reflected a lack of working knowledge of the substances being studied, resulting in flawed study design.

Finally, the government can then selectively pick studies to support whatever policy they wish to pursue, typically one that will require more government and more funding for law enforcement. We have already seen how the Nixon administration ignored its own committee’s findings to pursue an anti-drug agenda. The prohibition of LSD and psilocybin was also driven almost entirely by politics, with barely a fig leaf of scientific data to support it, and only after over fifty years of active repression of scientific research is the therapeutic value of these substances once again being documented in double blind studies.

And for MDMA, a drug that has always shown significant promise for treating psychiatric conditions, the DEA effectively shut down research into its benefits in 1985, arguing MDMA need not have caused any actual harm to be placed in Schedule I, and that a potential for abuse was sufficient. [FN] Today, both psilocybin and MDMA are on the verge of being available for legal use under medical supervision. Even Peter Jennings and ABC News took our politicians to task for their treatment of MDMA in a 2004 special news report. (See insert).

The hypocrisy and personal greed of politicians who promote the War on Drugs is clear. But perhaps no clearer than in the case of John Boehner, the former Republican Speaker of the House, who opposed cannabis during his three decades of government service. He retired in 2015 and three years later did a complete about face from his prior thirty years in government by supported cannabis legalization. Why the quick change? He joined the board of Acreage Holdings, a Canadian firm that is the largest multi-state owner of cannabis licenses and assets in the United States. Shockingly, when asked about regrets in promoting an anti-Cannabis that resulted in mass incarceration, he noted “I don’t have any regrets at all” and when pressed elaborated “The whole criminal justice part of this, frankly, it never crossed my mind”. As Dr. Hart notes, Boehner doesn’t “seem to give one fuck about the extensive harms caused by the prohibitory policies he once supported.”[FN]

Stigmatization and The path to effective policy

We’ve already seen the harmful motivation of politicians, the challenges of bunk science, but a third factor really colors everything. The stigmatization of drug users.

A few years back, when Trippingly.net was suddenly gaining unexpected media attention, an interviewer asked why I had started a “harm prevention website”. Irritated, I shot back that Trippingly was not a harm reduction website. The confused and well-intentioned interviewer asked me what Trippingly was, if not focused on harm reduction. I stumbled at bit, before clumsily declaring it to be an “awesomeness enhancing website”.

It wasn’t an unfair question really. At the time, virtually every website that discussed the recreational use of drugs wrote disclaimers that they didn’t advocate the use of drugs, and hid behind the veil of “harm reduction.” I didn’t even immediately understand my own frustration at the question, but underlying my emotional outburst was frustration of the very premise of the question; the premise that any website that focuses on drug use must be dedicated to reducing some type of harm, despite almost all Trippingly’s content being focused on the positives I perceived associated with psychedelics and many other drugs.

Dr. Hart also bristles at phrase “harm reduction”. For him, “It doesn’t capture the complexities associated with grown-up activities such as love or war or drug use. Instead, it preoccupies us with drug-related harms. And the connection between harms and drug use is reinforced repeatedly through our speech.” Maximizing the safety of any activity, whether it be driving a new car, engaging in a new workout regime, or embarking on drug use has safety as an element, but not the primary focus. Dr. Hart suggests a better phrase would be “Health and Happiness”, which focuses on both using compounds safely, and using them in a manner that promotes personal happiness.

Again, effective public policy is one that balances the health of the user (and any concurrent costs to society) and the user’s happiness and personal freedom. The current prohibition culture fails society and users alike by creating more problems than it solves.

The use of virtually any recreational drug in an appropriate setting by a healthy user is likely to be safe at a reasonable dose. Troubles begin when a user takes a drug in an unsafe environment, at an inappropriate dose or when the drug has been adulterated. The criminalization of drug use has made each of these problems worse, not better.

The first step in safe drug use is education and information. A drug user should have access to clear, science-based information on how, where and how much to take a drug. And the drug user should have access to pharmaceutical grade compounds. The quickest route, of course, is legalization of all drugs, including the legalization of sale and distribution of pharmaceutical grade drugs. Until that day, providing education to drug users about the effects, dosages and risks coupled with inexpensive and anonymous testing of psychoactive compounds would go a long way toward true harm reduction.

Let’s consider this proposition by examining one of the most controversial drugs, heroin. Remember, Dr. Hart has noted that he has used heroin for years, without creating any social harm, and suffering no apparent adverse medical effects. He even deliberately used heroin daily to develop a dependency to better understand withdrawal (very unpleasant, but manageable).

We have all been bombarded with the latest drug crisis, the Opioid Crisis. When we dig down a bit, the crisis is not quite what it seems. Let’s take heroin as an example. Heroin presents risks to the user. But Dr. Hart introduces us to Barbara Broers, a professor at the University of Geneva, who notes (in a quiet, and matter-of-fact tone), “Heroin is one of the safest drugs.” Dr. Hart reaction at hearing this at the time likely reflects most people’s: “I’m not exactly sure what I said or if I even said anything, but I am certain that the incredulous look on my face communicated, ‘Get the fuck out of here!’”

Dr. Hart next systematically walks through the risks and statistics associated with opioid use: most heroin users do not become addicted, but risks increase if you are young, unemployed or have co-occurring psychiatric disorders. Perhaps more importantly for public policy, the real concern is adulterants in heroin. The presence of fentanyl when a user is expected heroin can kill. The issue isn’t that fentanyl is so inherently dangerous. It’s that the effective dose of heroin is much larger than that of fentanyl, and the unexpected substitution can easily cause a user to overdose.

The unpredictability of the heroin supply has driven many users to take prescription pills, such as Percocet or Vicodin, however, these drugs contain only a small amount of opioid and a larger dose of acetaminophen. So a user chasing a opioid high might be tempted to take several pills to achieve their goal, but in doing so risk liver damage from the acetaminophen. Similarly, users that combine opioid and a sedative, such as alcohol, greatly increase their risk.

Note, that none of these issues are inherent in the use of heroin. They are caused by the prohibition of heroin, which creates both an unreliable black market and an information gap. Dr. Hart aptly concludes: “People are not dying because of opioids; they are dying because of ignorance.”

The same argument can be made with almost all drugs that are subject to the prohibition. For example, next time you read about an overdose death on MDMA, in all probability the death is the result of the drug’s true content or strength being misrepresented to users, or the drug being mixed by the user with other drugs.

A Note on Drug Exceptionalism

No all reform efforts rest at the feet of politicians. We all share responsibility to move the ball forward. Most readers of Trippingly are seeking information about psychedelics. The psychedelic community historically is unusually well educated, financially stable and predominantly white, although for the past few years I have witnessed a rapid and welcomed demographic diversification. Nonetheless, even with the shifting demographics, one will quickly encounter drug exceptionalism in our community.

Dr. Hart recounts being approached by a middle-aged white military veteran who shared his experience with “plant medicines” he used not to “get high” but to facilitate his “spiritual journey”. Dr. Hart felt some contempt, not anger at the man personally, but a general annoyance “with the mental gymnastics that some psychedelic users perform in order to distance themselves from other drug users.”

I have always advocated for the recreational use of drugs, along with the use for personal growth and healing. In many ways I believe the lines people draw between these categories are fairly arbitrary and almost always self-serving. As a frequent public speaker, I often encounter drug exceptionalism. Almost always certain drugs are viewed in a favorable light, while others viewed negatively. Tellingly, which drugs belong in which bucket varies predictably depending on my median age and race of my audience.

My first observation speaking to groups is that once I declare myself as a strong proponent of the recreational use of drugs, including the recreational use of psychedelics, I find most of the audience seems to breath a collective sigh of relief. Yes, it’s ok to have a good time on psychedelics and not have to always deal with heavy stuff. Here’s your permission slip. Enjoy.

But then things get tricky. I don’t view the use of psychedelics as being in any way morally superior to the use of any other compound. I do believe (with certainty) that certain drugs require a higher experience level and diligence than others. Some drugs are plain simple to use. Others are not. However, in the psychedelic world there is a common hierarchy of drugs, which might look a little like this: Ayahuasca> mushrooms/LSD> MDMA> Adderall> crystal meth> heroin. I suspect that almost everyone in an average psychedelic discussion group would agree with this ranking if they were entitled to switch only one ranking. Dr. Hart takes this thinking to task.

First, he notes that the distinction between having “a good time” and healing or spiritual enlightenment is often difficult to parse. “Sacred experiences that positively affect one’s self-perception, worldview, goals, and ability to transcend one’s difficulties are hard to separate from one’s feelings of pleasure or happiness.” What’s more, he notes he has experienced all these effects after taking non-psychedelic drugs.

Dr. Hart goes on to note that he wouldn’t classify MDMA as a psychedelic. “It is an amphetamine, period.” And of course he is right. MDMA creates an experience that is distinct from many other amphetamines, but its chemical composition makes it an amphetamine. Moreover, the subjective experience of ecstasy is far more closely aligned with other stimulants than any classic psychedelic. Nonetheless, Dr. Hart is undoubtedly correct in his conclusion that “MDMA is categorized as a psychedelic by respectable, middle-class white folk because they use and enjoy it.”

We owe it ourselves and others to look beyond this type of elitism. Choose your own intention but abandon any pretense of superiority when it comes to our substance of choices.

Closing Thoughts

While Drug Use for Grown-Ups is an important book, it is also an enjoyable read. Some of Dr. Hart’s most moving material only relates tangentially to drugs. His relationship with his wife and son and the racism they encounter are powerful. The risk associated with vulnerability Dr. Hart describes is heart breaking, and an important read for anyone who has not experienced systemic racism. Hart’s own struggle to be open about his drug use, and his call for others in positions of power (and privilege) are important messages to the growing mass of middle and upper class people who have discovered drug use to be a powerful way to improve their quality of life.

A new War on Drugs is starting. It is a cultural war, in which we can no longer afford to allow half truths and outright lies be told. And war in which we must not allow people to be marginalized because their choice of drug is not our choice of drug.

[tontonico]

The Meaning of Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey’s memoir opens with the great line: “I refuse to acknowledge time, famously so.” As if to establish the rules of the book, then add, with a toss of hair, but you knew that.

Most readers of The Meaning of Mariah Carey, which the record-smashing songstress wrote with Michaela Angela Davis, probably already did know that (and are happy to stick to Mariah’s anti-schedule), but there’s plenty in the 337-page volume that will surprise even the most devoted Lambs. Most surprising of all, though, is perhaps how elusive the chanteuse remains even when she makes herself so vulnerable.

She may not keep time, but it’s well known that Carey can keep rhythm, and that’s a more accurate measure of how she tells the story of her life. While the memoir’s four acts are chronological, the short chapters within them aren’t necessarily, and her storytelling is most effective in these distinct, vivid anecdotes rather than thoroughly contextualized narrative. Isn’t that the way we remember things, anyway?

The book’s first and best section, “Wayward Child,” relies the most on these well-chosen vignettes, each as piercing and specific as a song, altogether giving an impressionistic rendering of her fraught childhood. (She punctuates her memories, too, with her lyrics that were inspired by them, and the Audible version of the book, read by Carey, contains musical interludes.) The daughter of a Black father and Irish mother, Carey grew up with a brother and sister who were older and darker (in their energies even more than their complexions, she observes) than her, in a home — actually many homes, adding to the instability — where she never knew safety. The earliest childhood memory she shares is of cops breaking up a brutal fight between her father and brother when she was 3 years old; among the last is Mariah’s 20-year-old sister allegedly trying to pimp her out at age 12.

Her childhood is filled with danger, trauma, violence, fear — and music. A mostly informal education from her opera-singer mother and her friends comes so organically to the life of a little girl who had so little else, it reads like destiny that she and music found each other amid such turmoil. And it’s what takes her, of course, to the next phase in her life, in a sharp switch from want to abundance, neglect to suffocating control.

Carey’s account of her marriage to Tommy Mottola — who, for example, once screamed at a dinner party that Thanksgiving was canceled because Carey had expressed admiration for an artist in whom Mottola was uninterested — and their life in the mansion she called “Sing Sing” is harrowing. Mercifully, it overlaps with her emergence as an artist, and her writing about her life in music, while less shocking than many of the personal details, offers great insight and behind-the-scenes tidbits as well as displaying her sincere devotion to the art form (and to her fans, whom she shouts out repeatedly).

Carey’s voice is as distinctive to read as it is to hear: She addresses her reader as “dahling” or “baby” here and there, and her constant, flexible use of the word “festive” reveals it to be a deeply held personal ideal rather than just a vaguely pleasant adjective. Even in describing her lowest lows (and there are some bad ones), the writing is never austere; like her narrative structure, Carey’s prose has rhythm and high drama, savoring moments and details with melismatic indulgence.

The singer explains elements of her larger-than-life image — including some of her famous “diva” behaviors — by explicitly linking them to pain; for one, she often has photo shoots with voluminously blowing hair because she so desperately longed for the flowing waves she saw in shampoo commercials as a child, while her own textured tresses were constantly tangled, forsaken by the adults around her who didn’t know how to care for it.

That untamed hair is emblematic not only of the extreme neglect of her childhood, but the racial otherness that she has felt throughout her life — and that she expresses in some of the memoir’s most perceptive, affecting passages. As a child, her awareness of racism develops in cruel waves (there are three different, and differently devastating, stories of people she knows finding out her father is Black); as an adult, she has constantly had to assert her own racial identity in an industry (and with a first husband) that tried to erase her Blackness. She reacts to the word “urban” every time she brings it up.

The last three decades become somewhat muddled in the telling as her career becomes richer and her adult life more complicated, making it harder to prioritize — not to mention that, once she’s famous, there are publicly known pieces to correct or gaps to fill in. She can’t disregard time in these later sections, where everything needs more context, and The Meaning loses some clarity for it. (In an error that speaks to this confusion, one paragraph appears twice, 40 pages apart; it somehow feels appropriate, however, that the passage is a reflection upon the delayed triumph of Glitter.)

So, too, does it become more conspicuous when she leaves things out, like the bipolar diagnosis she revealed two years ago (“because I don’t feel like there’s a mental-illness discussion to be had,” she told Vulture last month). She is also better at starting stories than finishing them (a habit one could attribute to her being an Aries, which she mentions repeatedly). This applies to the memoir as a whole but was most disappointing in the case of her romance with Derek Jeter, the beginning of which makes for some of the book’s dreamiest, most hopeful moments.

It’s hard to begrudge her these omissions, though, when she’s recalled such great suffering and even greater survival. She’s already explained how pieces of her persona are armor, and in which moments she forged them; let her keep some stories. They belong to her.

In an early anecdote, the police are called to little Mariah’s home after a violent scene. “One of the cops, looking down at me but speaking to another cop beside him, said, ‘If this kid makes it, it’ll be a miracle,’” Carey recalls. “And that night, I became less of a kid and more of a miracle.” By the end of the compelling if imperfect Meaning of Mariah Carey, you believe it. She’s a miracle, a memoirist, a singer, a songwriter — the girl’s got range. Famously so. 

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I’d go so far as to say that the nomination probably saved the site, in fact. For those who need a little background: despite being a small voluntary project the site was nominated for the 2014 Publication of the Year award by Stonewall, the UK’s largest LGBT charity, just nine months after its inception. This was a landmark step in Stonewall’s positive new direction on bi issues. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time Stonewall had specifically nominated a specifically bi publication or organisation for an award. At this point my co-founder, who was taking care of the business side of things, had recently jumped ship and I was seriously considering packing the whole thing in. I won’t lie, I was astonished to read the email.

I’d worked on a publication which won the award under my editorship a few years previously. Unlike Biscuit, however, g3 magazine – at the time one of the two leading print mags for lesbian and bi women in the UK – had an estimated readership of 140,000, had been going for eight years and boasted full-time paid office staff and regular paid freelancers. Biscuit, by contrast, was being dragged along by one weary unpaid editor and a bunch of unpaid writers who understandably, for the most part, couldn’t commit to regularly submitting work.

Little Biscuit’s enormous competition for the award consisted of Buzzfeed, Attitude.co.uk, iNewspaper and Property Week. We didn’t win – that accolade went to iNewspaper – but the nomination was nevertheless, as I say, a huge catalyst to continue with the site. I launched a crowdfunder, which finished way off target. I sold one ad space, for two months. Then nothing. I attempted in vain to recruit a sales manager but nobody wanted to work on commission. Some wonderful writers came and went. There were periods of tumbleweed when I frantically had to fill the site with my own writing, thereby completely defeating the object of providing a platform for a wide range of bi voices.

The Stonewall Award nomination persuaded me to keep going with the site

The departure of the webmaster was another blow. Thankfully by this point I had a co-editor on board – the amazing Libby – so I was persuaded to stick with it. And here we are now. I don’t actually know where the next article is coming from. That’s not a good feeling. But, apart from for Biscuit, I try not to write for free anymore myself, so I understand exactly why that is. As a freelance journo trying to make a living I’ve had to be strict with myself about that. I regularly post on the “Stop Working For Free” Facebook group and often feel a pang of misplaced guilt because I ask my writers to write for free, even though I’m working on the site for free myself, and losing valuable time I could be spending on looking for paid work.

Biscuit hasn’t exactly been a stranger to controversy, in addition to its financial and staffing issues. Its original tagline – “for girls who like girls and boys” – was considered cis-centric by some, leading to accusations that the site had some kind of trans/genderqueer*-phobic agenda. Which was amusing, as at the height of this a) we’d just had two articles about non-binary issues published and b) I was actually engaged to a genderqueer partner, a fact they were clearly unaware of. Now the site is under fire from various pansexual activists who object to the term “bisexual”. To clarify – “girl and boys” was supposed to imply a spectrum and, no, we don’t think “bi” applies only to an attraction to binary folk. The site aims the main part of its content at female-spectrum readers attracted to more than one gender because this group does have specific needs. But there is something here for EVERYONE bisexual. Anyway, it’s a shame all of this gossip was relayed secondhand, and the people in question didn’t think to confront me about it (which at least the pan activists have bothered to do). We damage our community immeasurably with these kinds of Chinese whispers.

Biscuit ed Libby, being amazing

Whilst trying to keep the site afloat, I’ve also been building on the work I started right back when I edited g3, and trying to improve bi visibility in other media outlets. I’ve recently had articles published by Cosmopolitan, SheWired, The F-Word, GayStar News and Women Make Waves and I’m constantly emailing other sites which I’ve not yet written for with bi pitches. Unfortunately, although I am over the moon to be writing for mainstream outlets such as Cosmo about bi issues, it’s been an uphill struggle trying to persuade some editors out there that they have more readers to whom bi-interest stories apply than they might think. It’s an incredibly exhausting and frustrating process.

Libby and I are doing our best with Biscuit. I can’t guarantee that I would be doing anything at all with it if Libby hadn’t arrived on the scene, so once again I would like to mention how fabulous she is. But we desperately need more writers. We need some help with site design and tech issues. We need a hand with the business and sales side of things. We can’t do it without you. And if you know any rich bisexual heiresses who read Biscuit, please do send them our way. 😉

Grant Denkinson’s story

denkinsonpanel

Grant speaks on a panel chaired by Biscuit’s Lottie at a Bi Visibility Day event

So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in. 


“I’ve been involved with bisexual community organising for a bit over 20 years. Some has been within community: writing for and editing our national newsletter, organising events for bisexuals and helping others with their events by running workshop sessions or offering services such as 1st aid. I’ve spoken to the media about bisexuality and organised bi contingents at LGBT Pride events (sometimes just me in a bi T-shirt!). I’ve helped organise and participated in bi activist weekends and trainings. I’ve help train professionals about bisexuality. I’ve also piped up about bisexuality a lot when organising within wider LGBT and gender and sexuality and relationship diversity umbrellas. I’ve been a supportive bi person on-line and in person for other bi folks. I’ve been out and visibly bi for some time. I’ve helped fund bi activists to meet, publish and travel. I’ve funded advertising for bi events. I’ve set up companies and charities for or including bi people. I’ve personally supported other bi activists.”


What made you get involved?

“
In some ways I was looking for a way to be outside the norm and to make a difference and coming out as bi gave me something to push against. I’ve been less down on myself when feeling attacked. I’ve also found the bi community very welcoming and where I can be myself and so wanted to organise with friends and to give others a similar experience. There weren’t too many others already doing everything better than I could.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“There have been great changes for same-sex attracted people legally and socially and these have happened quickly. Bi people have been involved with making that happen and benefit from it. We can also be hidden by gay advances or actively erased. We still have bi people not knowing many or any other local bi people, not seeing other bisexuals in the mainstream or LGT worlds and not knowing or being able to access community things with other bis. We are little represented in books or the media and people don’t know about the books and zines and magazines already available. The internet has made it easy to find like-minded people but also limited privacy and I think is really fragmented and siloed. It is hard to find bisexuals who aren’t women actors, harmful or fucked up men or women in pornography designed for straight men. We have persistent and high quality bi events but they are sparse and small.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?

“I’m fed up of bi things just not happening if I don’t do them. Not everything should be in my style and voice and I shouldn’t be doing it all. I and other activists campaign for bi people to be more OK and don’t take care of ourselves enough while doing so. People are so convinced we don’t exist they don’t bother with a simple search that would find us. We have little resources while having some of the worst outcomes of any group. I don’t want to spend my entire life being the one person who reminds people about bisexuals, including our so-called allies. I’m not impressed with the problem resolution skills in our communities and while we talk about being welcoming I’m not sure we’re very effective at it. I’m fed up with mouthing the very basics and never getting into depth about bi lives and being one who supports but who is not supported. I’m all for lowering barriers but at a certain point if people don’t actively want to do bi community volunteering it won’t happen. Some people are great critics but build little.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Why are we doing this personally? I’m not sure we know. How long will we hope rather than do? Honestly, are there so few who care? Alternatively should we stop the trying to do bi stuff and either do some self-analysis, be happy to accept being what we are now as a community, chill out and just let stuff happen or give up and go and do something else instead.”

Patrick Richards-Fink’s story

085d4de So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.

“Mostly internet – I am a Label Warrior, a theorist and educator. Here’s how I described it on my blog: “One of the reasons that I am a bisexual activist rather than a more general queer activist is because I see every day people just like me being told they don’t belong. It doesn’t mean I don’t work on the basic issues that we all struggle against — homophobia, heterosexism, classism, out-of-control oligarchy, racism, misogyny, this list in in no particular order and is by no means comprehensive. But I have found that I can be most effective if I focus, work towards understanding the deep issues that drive the problems that affect people who identify the same way that I have ever since I started to understand who I am. I find that I’m not a community organizer type of activist or a storm the capitol with a petition in one hand and a bullhorn in the other activist — I’m much better at poring over studies and writing long wall-o’-text articles and occasionally presenting what I’ve gleaned to groups of students until my voice is so hoarse that I can barely do more than croak.” So internet, and when I was still in school, a lot of on-campus stuff. Now I’m moving into a new phase where my activism is more subtle – I’m working as a therapist, and so my social justice lens informs my treatment, especially of bi and trans people.”

What made you get involved?

“I can’t not be.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“I feel like we made a couple strides, and every time that happens the attacks renewed. I hionestly think the constant attempts to divide the bisexual community into ‘good pansexuals’ and ‘bad bisexuals’ and ‘holy no-labels’ is the thing that’s most likely to screw us.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?



“It is literally everywhere I turn – colleges redefining bisexuality on their LGBT Center pages, news articles quoting how ‘Bi=2 and pan=all therefore pan=better’, everybloodywhere I turn I see it every day. The word bi is being taken out of the names of organisations now, by the next group of up-and-comers who haven’t bothered to learn their history and understand that if you erase our past, you take away our present. Celebrities come out as No Label, wtf is that. Don’t they make kids read 1984 anymore? It’s gotten to the point now that even seeing the word pansexual in print triggers me. I’m reaching the point now that if someone really wants to be offended when all I am trying to do is welcome them on board, then I don’t have time for it.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Stay strong, and don’t give them a goddamned inch. I honestly think that the bi organizations – even, truth be told, the one I am with – are enabling this level of bullshit by attempting to be conciliatory, saying things that end up reinforcing the idea that bi and pan are separate communities. We try to be too careful not to offend anyone. Like the thing about Freddie Mercury. Gay people say ‘He was gay.’ Bi people say ‘Um, begging your pardon, good sirs and madams and gentlefolk of other genders, but Freddie was bi.’ And they respond ‘DON’T GIVE HIM A LABEL HE DIDN’T CLAIM WAAHHH WAAHHH!’ And yet… Freddie Mercury never used the label ‘gay’, but it’s OK when they do it. And he WAS bisexual by any measure you want to use. But we back down. And 2.5% of the bisexual population decides pansexual is a better word, and instead of educating them, we add ‘pan’ to our organisation names and descriptions. Now, this is clearly a dissenting view – I will always be part of a united front where my organization is concerned. But everyone knows how I feel, and I think it’s totally valid to be loyal and in dissent at the same time. Not exactly a typically American viewpoint, but everyone says I’d be a lot more at home in Britain than I am here anyway.”

[soyouareandrewdobson]

The first comic: Maturity or rather the lack thereoff.

Something I commonly saw within the last decade was people arguing that animation has reached a new peak by the amount of quality in storywriting put into them and some even claiming cartoons have become more mature, particularly compared to shows of the 80s and 90s. Dobson too joined the trend and as such made this little comic in 2015 titled “Mature”, in which he argues that cartoons for children are more mature and handle serious subjects better than any media tagged with an r-rating or not following the format of animation.

  While I admit that the comic is not the most offensive and insulting thing Dobson has ever created when soapboxing about nerd/american culture, I do think “Mature”  actually in composes quite a good insight in how Dobson does not understand concepts of storytelling and overhypes the achievements and merits of children entertainment to a degree that is hurting the “cause”. Which greatly annoys me as a fan of storytelling and animation in general and paints Dobson as incompetent in the field of work (cartoonist, comic writer/artist) he tries to engage in. And I can bring this lack of understanding by Dobson down by just one simple question:

What exactly counts as a mature subject here?

 Dobson randomly accuses any form of fiction that is not a children’s cartoon or comic to have no idea how to approach a “mature” subject, but he can’t even give an example of what he defines by this term.

See, for me a mature subject is e.g. an social, emotional or political issue we as humans can correlate to in the real world. Either as a result of personal experience or a bigger picture in our history and culture (such as racism, poverty, existential dreed, personal/emotional growth, any form of oppression etc.) Something that does not only drive a story forward as a source of conflict or a character’s backstory/arc for the sake of entertainment, but may even make us think afterwards.

 And as much as I like cartoons, I do not think this is something children cartoons do most of the time.

 And before I get accused of thinking cartoons are only something for kids or that a thoughtful story can not be told via the medium of animation, let me put a few things into perspective.

Unlike Dobson, I do not have an educational background in animation. However, I grew up with a lot of cartoons, animated movies and comics from all over the world and thanks to the wonders of the internet read up here and there on the different ages of animation and certain tidbits in what went into the making of certain works of fiction and why they may have been a huge thing in the time periods they emerged in.

As such I know that the medium of animation can be used to not only create “child appropriate” content, but also movies like Barefoot Gen, Fritz the Cat, Felidae, Animal Farm and so on, which tackled themes of social issues, political worldviews and personal/historical tragedies.

 Then there is the fact, that depending on the culture, there are very different interpretations in what can be considered “child appropriate” in certain parts of the world and therefore what themes a cartoon may tackle. Like how in European children cartoons such as Alfred J. Quack there was a story arc resembling the rise of Adolf Hitler in power, to tell about the heroes of the show working in the underground against an obvious fascist regime. Or how in certain Japanese children shows the subject of death can be rather common, while in American cartoons just mentioning the word “die” seems a red flag to some studio executives. Lastly, a lot of early animation, (particularly western animation) did not even start off as something targeted primarily at children. Animation started off as a technique to tell a story through “moving pictures” and some of the first animated shorts ever had a huge fanbase of adults and children. “Snow White”, Disney’s first animated movie back in 1933 was a technical marvel at the time. A movie we nowadays mostly consider a children’s movie with a slightly dull story compared to other Disney outings, was back then a risk that earned Disney multiple Oscars and was appreciated more by adults than it was by children, despite being based on a fairy tale. A type of story mostly considered “appropriate” for kids.  

 What I am trying to say is, that I am aware of how not all children cartoons are the same and can vary in terms of “maturity”. Something I think Dobson can’t, because he also can’t see that there is a huge variety of “children” cartoons.

 Despite his background and claims to consider animation an art, Dobson has shown a huge lack of knowledge or admiration for shows/movies that do not fit into the specific mold of “western animation primarily targeted for children and airing on american television”.

And that is not a claim I make half-heartedly. I have done research on the guy, I know how he likes to brag when he considers he found a great cartoon or something interesting. So I find it telling that aside of nostalgia for certain 80s and 90s cartoons we all know, Dobson’s recommendations and taste in shows seems to be primarily focused on just the most recent stuff everybody else likes/a very small pool of rather generic shows. I am not saying he should be contrarian on principal and e.g. dislike Gravity Falls, but he lacks initiative to look out for new and old stuff himself.

I in fact remember when he asked twitter first if he should give Wander over Yonder, one of the best cartoons of the last decade, a chance, cause it seemed he was too chicken to have an opinion on his own.

Then again, weirdly enough, Dobson actually tends to be contrarian for the sake of it, till someone he respects or sucks up to tends to have a different opinion on a show/movie. For example, while he acts like Frozen is a great movie franchise and defends the second movie to the point he becomes anti-feministic when a woman has a different opinion than him on it, he actually gave the first movie a terrible review on deviantart back in 2014. Accusing it of “same face syndrome” and a shame to the name of Disney. Obviously that was also before the hashtag #GiveElsaaGirlfriend became popular and he went so far as to hint he thinks an incest ship with Anna was great. And Legend of Korra? According to first deviantart posts by him garbage. Which was an opinion swiftly changed the moment Korrasami became popular in the fandom by season 3.

 The point I want to make with this digression is, that there are a lot of past actions by him hinting on the fact that Dobson kinda despises animation, when it does not fit within a very narrow niche of things he likes. Further indicated by his disdain for “adult” animated shows or hostility towards foreign animation, except the occasional movie by Studio Ghibli for example.

 Because of this lack of a bigger picture, I do not think Dobson is aware how in terms of story, cartoons can heavily vary. And when it comes to mature subjects, you can’t really engage with them if you lack a story carrying them in turn. Let’s look again at the comic. What cartoon characters do you see in it, when Dobson talks about how he believes children cartoons “treat these (non-defined) mature subjects with FAR more respect than the hardest “dark, grim and gritty” stories”?

Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony, three main characters of Spongebob, Steven Universe, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Blossom from the Powerpuff Girls and Mickey Mouse. You want my opinion on them? None of them are from any cartoons tackling mature subjects in a huge manner.

 However, they are from great shows. (Well, everyone but Steven, but I explain that later.)

See, this is where putting cartoons into perspective within the vast history of animation, comes in handy. Cause looking at them it is undeniable that people put effort into these shows. Effort in the animation and the writing in order to create an entertaining product, decent enough that not only little kids can enjoy it as a mindless distraction, but even older people can find merit in it, thanks to characters with decent personality, good humor, world building and even an engaging story. But all of that doesn’t make these shows or any story necessarily tackle a “mature subject”. Sure, the latest incarnation of My little pony was not as saccharine as its predecessor but rather cartoony as a good 90s show, but that doesn’t mean the new version is the Schindler’s List of animation (excuse the hyperbole). Same for the other cartoons, with Dobson also not acknowledging the fact that Spongebob e.g. had quite some dips in quality over the years (and even made pretty awful jokes about serious subjects such as suicide) or that Steven Universe, while tending to tackle mature subjects for its story (like trauma, war, abuse, self esteem issues, racism, rape and homosexuality) has failed multiple times over its run (even back when this comic was made) to treat these subjects not just as plot and drama points, but also with enough respect within the narrative, to the point a lot of former fans of the show turned their back on it, cause they had enough of the issues they could relate to being simplified and resolved in a cookie cutter manner so Rebeca Sugar could tell a whimsical story about gay space rocks and forgiveness.

 Let us not even forget the fact, that while there is a huge number of cartoons with decent writing and value to them (and that those were not only created within the last 10 years or so), there is also just a lot of garbage out there that counts as “kids animation”. Cartoons and movies that were written with not a care in the world and at times outright more mean spirited as some of the stuff Dobson likely hates in life action. Are you telling me those toilet humor driven garbage piles of creativity are mature?

 The point I try to make is, Dobson’s GENERAL statement that kids cartoons tackle mature subjects better than other form of media, is factually wrong, because a lot of shows don’t even try to be mature in the first place. Which however does not mean, there aren’t attempts made at being mature or tackle a mature subject.

 Growing up with cartoons since the 90s, I saw quite a few cartoons once in a while having episodes with themes to them that were surprisingly “dark”, dramatic or related to issues I and other kids could also see and relate to in the real world. Bullying going out of control, eating disorders, school violence (even school shootings), dealing with the passing of a loved one, to name a few basic ones. Gargoyles and Hey Arnold were two very important cartoons for me in that regard, with Gargoyles showing me how dramatic a good action cartoon could be when compared to other action cartoons at the time (like Ninja Turtles) and Hey Arnold episodes like “Helga on the Couch” giving me a rather somber look into what “therapy” looks like closer to reality, while normally being a show with the slice of life adventures of a kid in the big city.

And I do highly appreciate that nowadays there are more cartoons doing ongoing storyarcs and as a result of actually having more drama to them, adding tension and character development to their plots. Things we did not quite have to the degree we have nowadays back then in the average show. But it is debatable if those things are equal to ��mature subjects” such as racism, abuse or trauma. Cause at the end of the day, a lot of kids cartoons tend to only scratch the surface of those things in order to flesh out a plot, instead of making the plot about those issues. Which at times is even for the best if you ask me. Cause we should not forget, these shows and movies are made for kids. And because of their age, a lot of kids lack at times the knowledge and experience in life to properly understand the themes and subjects some people may try to convey with their work. Particularly when you want to tackle subjects such as trauma, abuse and war which lets be honest, a lot of people can’t even comprehend in their complexity as adults. So how are kids supposed to comprehend them? One way, in my opinion, is by simplifying them and turning them into part of a narrative instead of the main focus of the narrative. But that in itself doesn’t always work and can have negative consequences in multiple ways. For example by making the story suddenly non engaging, delivering the subject in such a manner that people can get the wrong message of what you are trying to say or (at worst) simplifying it to such a degree, it becomes outright offensive to others.

A good example that comes to my mind for that would be how Captain Planet back in the 90s tried to tackle the subject of AIDS in one episode. On one hand, considering how the disease was a big deal back then but no one openly talked about it, you kinda have to give credit to Captain Planet to tackle it. On the other hand, is a subject such as a deadly disease that back then was barely researched and killed millions, really something you want to tackle on an overly preachy (but considering whose company produced it, also very hypocritical) kids show, where most of the time the solution to a problem was not even grounded in reality? And spoilers, the episode treated AIDS not even as the big deal it was, but as something the villain would exploit to spread a rumor on the ill kid, because that somehow equaled a chance to pollute the world more. Not really mature, if you ask me.

 What all of this ranting is boiling down to, is that Dobson failed to make a case for how kids animation is able to tackle mature subjects, by not putting his opinion in the bigger context of what animation is/can be and what he means by the term “mature theme”. All he did was just indirectly soapbox that he thinks every other form of media is incapable of being about a serious issue, in doing so also insulting the art of storytelling in itself by disregarding anything not expressed in funny pictures specifically made for children or manchildren on tumblr who want to act they are the big boys, cause a cartoon horse made them feel sad.

He did so by making a very weak argument, not being able to present it in a manner that was hard to debunk and by drawing a comic in which everything looks surprisingly lifeless and like the least amount of quality and effort (things I argued can make a great cartoon) was put into it.

 Which ironically, is the total opposite, of being mature.

And lastly, can’t believe I have to say that, but Dobson, the Pokemon’s name is Butterfree, not Butterfry. Butterfry is what you get when you make a statue of a Futurama character made out of something you put on your bread.

[beenjen]

Phew, another week in the bag. This one has been an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve watched the press conference with the Floyd family, my heart rate became so elevated, my Apple Watch registered the alert to me. When his brother and wife came up to the podium with his young daughter, stating how this is much more than one life effected, that there will be no weddings, graduations, bedtime stories, that touched me on a deep level. I FELT that pain miles away on my back porch. I REALIZED the depth of the loss, and it’s not merely for that one family, that one little girl who now has to grow up not having those moments I had, the ones I hope for for my own children. I feel as though I’ve been in a fog, but that it’s clear now, my loved ones have been suffering, and though I always felt equality in my heart, I wasn’t providing actionable change. I was complacent.

That is over. This past few weeks has lighted a fire in my spirit, I have had tearful conversations with many people, some of which I apologized, for words that I realize now, were minimizing of their life’s experiences, some where, I’ve had to be firm that I do not agree with their thoughts and won’t be listening to the bullshit. Some where we laughed over memories. I am blessed to be surrounded by many so gracious, in that they told me, ‘jen, I always knew where you were in your heart, it’s never been a question’ - and though I’m glad to know that, I want it to not just be in my heart that my love and support is felt, I want it out in the world.

While I, at this point, am unable to participate in person at protests, I am able to support in other ways, and that’s been my goal this week, to find those ways. This comic really brought that home to me, because in the end, it is our ACTIONS, that show our stance.

I’m also proud, that many of the companies and business I support, have come out strongly, in support of the black community and against discrimination and systemic racism. I know, you can’t only surround yourself with the likeminded, however, that is firmly the base I stand on, and the outliers, well, education by action, leading by example. Too, any that have not taken this stance, will no longer gain my support by my dollars, and while I am but one, I have shared which companies are and aren’t part of this movement to my family and friends, and that, is bigger than just me. They too, will pass this on, and it will grow. It may be that I pay more, or pay shipping, or change certain companies for my goods, but it is a step, one that I’m committed too.

On the flip side, I’ve had 2 weeks of steady weight loss and healthful eating. I feel strong physically and nurished by what I’m putting in my body. The change I’ve made, which I’ve mention previously, is adopting 50% or more of veg per meal, and I’ve not had any processed carbs/sugars.

It’s crazy, that I was stuck at the same place for months, and felt I was doing my part by intermittent fasting and getting in cardio 3-5 times a week, but that when I shifted my diet slightly, only adding more veg, I’ve lost 4 pounds. Boom. I’m very pleased with these results, I feel good about incorporating more veg and nixing a lot of processed bull from our house. True, it takes some mindful prep and effort, both with shopping and cooking, BUT this sets me up for continual progress, less chance of vascular disease or diabetes, and trains my children to want these healthier options v something less nutritious. Win win.

I continue yoga, I’ve been back on the treadmill, though I’m not pushing for the mileage I was focused on previously, and that’s a hard acceptance to make, its more about getting the heart rate up and down, the benefit of cardio for my heart as well as the fasted cardio for fat burning. My focus is now on health and benefit, not just on the scale, and the peace that transition brought, is a good one.

I’m actually eating MORE, though it’s what I’m eating that I feel has made the difference. That and assuring water, drinking hot teas to aid digestion. I suppose, it’s more mindfulness? Though I do continue 16/8 as I feel it does aid the body as well, allowing for rest time and regeneration.

Um, that’s pretty much it I guess. Another all over the place post, it’s where I’m at in my head though, so, there have you. Here are some pics of life with my beautiful hearts

We’ve wrapped and stained the back porch posts, have a gutter company coming to hang that last portion, some downspouts are planned into rain barrels, and we are looking at adding a stone gas fireplace this fall for more outdoor use throughout the winter months.

My little garden babies are coming along nicely, and I’ll share their progress sometime in the future.

Blessed be xx