Chapter #26
Summary:
“He showed me how to love. He showed me how to trust. He showed me how to believe. He showed me how to hope. He showed me how to dream. He showed me how to desire. He showed me how to be content. He showed me how to feel safe.
“Nearly eight years ago, I thought I knew, believed, understood, comprehended and meant everything. Nearly eight years ago, what I knew, believed, understood, comprehended and meant shifted. Nearly eight years ago, I met…Him.
“Today. Tomorrow. Forever. It all means something because he means everything.”
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Peter can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong, that something is going to happen and admitting such a thing to others has never been his strong suit. Peter is usually extremely reticent when it comes to revealing how he feels to anyone but himself. However, Stiles isn’t just anyone else and the amber eyed man he promised to keep the wolf updated. He trusts his mate to do so and that makes all the difference.
Weirdly enough, as he steps outside, the sky begins to darken. The alpha wolf’s brow furrows at the sudden change. He figures he should get going or he’ll be late.
Allison is looking forward to spending some time with the SO of her boyfriend’s brother. She and Peter haven’t interacted as much one on one.
When he pulls up, she smiles and gets in the car. “Hello.”
The man nods with a smile. “Hello. Are you ready?”
“Born ready. What about you?” she teases.
He sends her a smirk. “Same.”
✶ 🔎 ❤︎ 🔍 ✶
If anyone had asked Peter whether or not he would attend a writing workshop he would have laughed and said: ‘Absolutely not.’ However, when Allison brought it up, knowing that Peter is an avid reader, he couldn’t say no. Now that he’s here he’s actually really enjoying himself.
The woman leading the workshop smiles. “All right. Pencils down. Who wants to read their work first?” she asks, looking around the room. “How about you?” she says, pointing to Peter.
Peter swallows thickly and nods. “Sure.”
Allison gives him an encouraging nudge as he stands. He clears his throat and looks down at his paper. With a deep breath he begins.
✶ ❤︎ ✶
“Definition. Define. Defined. I used to believe that the definition of happiness was having everything I wanted or at least making people believe I did. I used to believe that if I couldn’t hold it in my hand, then it wasn’t enough to keep me happy. I used to believe that I had to see it, touch it, hear it, smell it and taste it. If I couldn’t do those things…I didn’t include them in my definition of happiness.
“Meanings. Mean. Meant. I used to mean yes when I would say no. I used to mean no when I would say yes. I used to say I’m fine when I was anything but fine. I used to say I meant what I said and said what I meant. I used to apply meanings to things when they didn’t mean anything. I used to believe that I could use a million words, and everyone would either comprehend their meaning or have no understanding at all. If they couldn’t comprehend…I didn’t have any intention of letting them mean anything to me.
“Understandings. Understand. Understood. I used to understand my thoughts. I used to understand my actions. I used to understand my feelings. I used to believe that what I thought mattered more than what anyone else did. I used to believe that my actions were always right. I used to believe that feelings were weakness. If such things were a weakness…I didn’t give them any weight beyond furthering my desires.
“But then all those definitions, meaning and understandings, what I would define, mean and understand, how I defined, meant and understood…they changed. They changed the day I met him.
“No longer did I believe that the definition of happiness was having everything I ever wanted. Because everything I ever wanted was him. No longer did I care whether or not others believed I was happy. I still believe that I have to see, touch, hear, smell and taste my happiness.
“Every day I see the moment his eyes open, and the sunlight catches them making them shine like gold. Every day I see his lips curl up in a smile and his mouth open in a laugh. Every day I take his hand in mine and slide my hands under his shirt, just to feel his bare skin against them. Every day I take him apart piece by piece beneath the sheets and put him back together again. Every day I worship his body from head to toe, not an inch of him left unclaimed by my lips. My ears relish the honor of hearing the echoes of every single sound he makes. Every day I hold him in my arms, and I am content because I smell the scent of his shampoo, the sweat so uniquely him, the sweetness and saltiness of his breath after eating his favorite candy. Every day I unite our lips and as the petals dance together, joined by twisting tongues…I know true happiness.
“With him I say what I mean and mean what I say because the idea of not being honest with him, of lying to him is unthinkable. He understands me in ways that should scare me, but I am not afraid for him to see all that is me. I am not afraid for him to know the man and the beast down to the last cell in my body. I am not afraid because I am safe with him. I am not afraid because I trust him. I am not afraid because I love him. With him I have no secrets, no lies, nothing kept, nothing to hide. There is no part of me that he doesn't see. There is no part of me that he doesn't know. There is no part of me he hasn't touched, inside and out. There is no part of me that does not belong to him. My head, my body, my heart and my soul…they are his, forever, in their entirety.
“I once believed I understood my actions. Yet, I didn’t understand why I got him flowers. I didn’t understand until I saw the pleased smile on his face as he cradled them and brought them to his nose. I once believed I understood my actions. Yet, I didn't understand why I ironed his shirts and pants for work. I didn’t understand until I saw tension bleed from his shoulders as he pulled the crisp fabric over his shoulders with a grateful tilt of his lips. I once believed I understood my actions. Yet, I didn’t understand why instead of shutting him out, I threw the door wide open and let him in. I didn’t understand until I watched him sleeping, with eyelashes fanning his cheeks, pink lips parting with each breath, expression smoothed out, peaceful, perfect and mine.
“I once believed I understood my feelings. I once believed I knew what happiness was. I once believed I knew what love was. I once believed I knew what contentment was. I once believed I knew what trust was. I once believed I knew what safe was. I once believed I knew what commitment was. I once believed I knew what home, hope, dreams, desire, and love were. My past naivety still astounds me.
“Because now I know what I did not truly know before. I now know what happiness is. I now know what contentment is. I now know what trust is. I now know what safe is. I know now what commitment is. I now know what home, hope, dreams, and desire are. I now know what love is.
“Happiness is…Him. Happiness is what I feel when he laughs and when he smiles. Happiness is what I feel when he tells me about his day and when he opens up to me. Happiness is what I feel when I make love to him and when I married him. Happiness is what I feel when I look in the mirror and hear his words reciting everything that he loves about me, from my blue eyes to my neck, my strength to my touch, my smile to my smirk, my name to my wolf and my everything in between. Happiness is what I feel when he cooks for me and when he curls up on the couch with me. Happiness is…Him.
“Contentment is…Him. Contentment is what I feel when I look at the home we’ve made together. Contentment is what I feel when I trace the ring on my finger. Contentment is what I feel when I rest my ear on his chest and hear the steady beating inside. Contentment is what I feel when I hear the thump, thump, thump of his heart. Contentment is…Him.
“Trust is…Him. Trust is what I feel when he listens to what I say. Trust is what I feel when he comforts me after nightmares. Trust is what I feel when he stands up for me. Trust is what I feel when he gives me advice. Trust is what I feel when he gives me his heart. Trust is what I feel when I look into his amber eyes. Trust is what I feel when he knows what I need without me telling him what I need. Trust is…Him.
“Safe is…Him. Safe is what I feel when a storm rages outside and he kisses me gently. Safe is what I feel when the power goes out and his hands cup my face, his thumbs rubbing back and forth along my jawline. Safe is what I feel when anniversaries come bearing grief and he wraps me in a blanket and makes me a cup of my favorite tea. Safe is what I feel when the world is dark and cruel and he holds me close, his lips caressing my forehead. Safe is…Him.
“Commitment is…Him. Commitment is what I feel when we got our marriage license framed. Commitment is what I feel every time I unlock the door to our home. Commitment is what I feel when we get groceries together. Commitment is what I feel when we talk about children. Commitment is…Him.
“Love is…Him. I love his golden eyes like liquid molten melted gold. I love his pouty pink rose petal lips waiting and begging to be kissed. I love the beauty marks splattered all over his body, the ones on his face like the constellation Orion’s Belt. I love his pale, milky white skin and tracing the definition of his muscles. I love how beautiful and ethereal he looks in the moonlight. I love how gorgeous and breathtaking he looks in the golden rays of the sunlight. I did not know love before I met him. Love is…Him.
“Before I met him, I thought I knew everything. Before I met him, I thought I understood everything. Before I met him, I thought I defined everything. Before I met him, I thought I meant everything I said.
“Yet when I met him, I realized I knew nothing. Yet when I met him, I realized I understood nothing. Yet when I met him, I realized I defined nothing. Yet when I met him, I realized I meant none of what I said.
“Now that I’ve met him, I know, understand, believe, comprehend, mean and define…Home. Now that I’ve met him, I know, understand, believe, comprehend, mean and define…Hope. Now that I’ve met him, I know, understand, believe, comprehend, mean and define…Dream. Now that I’ve met him, I know, understand, believe, comprehend, mean and define…Desire. Now that I’ve met him, I know, understand, believe, comprehend, mean and define…Love. He is my home. He is my hope. He is my dream. He is my desire. He is my love.
“People say that there are days they will never forget. People say that there is one event that becomes so central in their life, it becomes before and after that event. I will never forget the day I met…Him. I will always see my life as before I met…Him and after I met…Him.
“I never believed in soulmates. I never believed in the one. I never believed in fate. I never believed any of those and if I had I never would have believed such a thing would happen to me, that such a person would be mine.
“But on June 5th, nearly eight years ago I met my soulmate. On June 5th, nearly eight years ago, I met the one. On June 5th, nearly eight years ago, I began to believe in fate.
“On May 31st of this year, I claimed my soulmate. On May 31st of this year, I claimed the one. On May 31st this year, I claimed my fate.
“On July 31st of this year, I married my soulmate. On July 31st of this year, I married the one. On July 31st of this year, I married my fate.
“He showed me how to love. He showed me how to trust. He showed me how to believe. He showed me how to hope. He showed me how to dream. He showed me how to desire. He showed me how to be content. He showed me how to feel safe.
“Nearly eight years ago, I thought I knew, believed, understood, comprehended and meant everything. Nearly eight years ago, what I knew, believed, understood, comprehended and meant shifted. Nearly eight years ago, I met…Him.
“Today. Tomorrow. Forever. It all means something because he means everything.”
✶ ❤︎ ✶
No one said a word the entire time Peter read his writing and when he looks up everyone is watching with wide, awed and emotional expressions. He glances at Allison who has apparently been recording the entire thing on her phone.
Suddenly, after what feels like ages of silence, the group erupts in applause and oh if Stiles saw how dark the wolf’s cheeks turned at their applause, he’d never let him live it down.
“That was phenomenal,” the woman—Ivy—says. She looks around at the rest of the writers and gestures to Peter. “This is why we do these workshops because the possibility of finding someone who weaves together something like that is intoxicating.”
Peter takes a seat and feels his phone vibrate. When he checks it, he sees it’s the video Allison took and shoots her a smile. ‘Thank you,’ he mouths.
‘Welcome,’ she mouths back.
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