#also to be clear - that video visually is just that still image. not of her performing the song. was unsure how or if i should word that in

[krockat]

hi i was randomly reading tags late at night on videos, and i saw yours you added onto https:// www dot tumblr dot com/krockat / 726501511214022656 a while back asking for the source of the music and not sure if you ever figured it out so apologies if you did, but its part of the ost from the anime black butler, not a game! but if someone did use it in a game i hope you find it too!

ouffh..... anon........

see... in that post in those very tags you speak of.. . I.. i did promise i would give plenty praise and love to those who would help solve my mystery.....

and you did nothing wrong anon.

you are a beacon of light, a shining example of a person just randomly going out of their way to be a nice little light-shedder-on-er-er, while prev just doing some'n simple n pleasurable (as pleasurable as the mixed crockpot of reading random strangers tags Can be) for themself.

but.. lemme tell you.... this is rough news.

to have a rare glance of something so similar to this great (i mean no, the quality of said game itself might be questionable, but a great soundtrack and alternative Weirdness and nostalgia of a seemingly never discussed old playstation game relic of my memory lossy past - it is despite it all quite great a) mystery -

it was so hopeful and enticing!

and then i learned.. and then i learned.. it was actually from my number one enemy-anime Black Butler!!

you see, black butler and I have history.

apart from it being a creepy show where two adult demons thirst for a child boy (that for some further context also had an unfairly banger ost that deep inspired my youth), it was, infact, and here comes an actual Real trigger warning for the content ahead:

.

.

warning you, here it comes! the tags will have what specific triggers this is about.

.

.

a tool used in grooming me.

so, while i really am grateful for your kind message and explanation - to find that this music that was so similar to what i remember from the soundtrack of the game - was actually from that show? Oh real unfortunate. just realllll unfortunate.

lemme tell ya when i woke up to read i got a notif w the beginning premise that someone had figured out this mystery song - meaning also maybe the coveted mystery game?

even barely awake and conscious as i was, and just really there initially wanting to check what time it was, because my alarm certainly hadn't called yet and the darkness seeping from my curtained window spoke of other promises -

and when then i ofc immediately opened that shit up and was left face to face with the reality of KROCKAT ENEMY-ANIME NUMBER ONE - ?

oh i knew it was gonna be a special kind of day.

so, sorry for no earlier reply but i was put into a certain state of reflection these last couple days.

and it's been interesting, actually

which might sound a tad bit morbid to those inclined,

but well you know us Aquarius Suns(TM) Hahoo - who often find morbid and sad stuff fun and entertaining to think about and toss and turn around like an old sausage in a corporate bodega hot revolver grill. just a lil interest in that

it actually got me to get into a creatory headspace. thinking about all that shit.

so yea pretty good now, but the first hour of gripping w that? yeah. idk how or that i would or could or would want to explain perhaps why or how or in what way that little fact did affect me.

but. you've still done me a great service. and i intend to make good on that reward i did promise whoever would solve my inquiry.

thank you you kind little folk! very very nice of you to come in to my ask and give me answers! you seem like a nice type.

...

but yes a post this long and involved (?) does got to have an end, and one useful trick to end things you don't know how to end is to put music at the end of whatever it is.

now, Best ending would be to have the music of the Actual game's ost i was talking about. but i still don't know what the game is.

Worst ending is probably just that bl*ck b*tler song that baited me (yes i am now "blurring" it out as this is the end part of the post that's meant to end as a reprieve)

and not to say that would necessarily be a bad way to end the post. hells, it might be the interesting (♒🌞) way to conclude this post.

but i think i will just leave you with this.

(sorry that it is a link to spotify. and that it is a from a corporate-y compilation album. and w songs i haven't vetted. i had no choice in what release it was. do you still like me)

(here also comes a youtube link. )

[image ID:

Black and white picture of Swedish jazz singer Monica Zetterlund - on a youtube thumbnail and link to a video upload of her singing the song "Att angöra en brygga".

end image ID.]

[bonny-kookoo]

Looooove Unstable.

I was thinking about a drabble where OC has a wet dream at her cage, and jk watches but at first don’t understand and get worried thinking she is hurt untilllllll he is not worried anymore…

(I think with her cage you mean her room in JKs ship haha) ((also oof I gotta make all the GIFs myself now since the videos are still too new haha)

-> Masterlist

When your vital signs change, the ring on his finger displays a small message, alerting him of something being off.

He'd gotten the device recently just to soothe his own mind a little concerning your safety- and it worked. You seemed pretty cool with it too, now wearing your collar a lot more often after he'd bought a smaller transponder for it that's not as heavy and clunky than the old one, along with a softer, more comfortable to wear collar in general that's not so.. basic.

It's an investment for the future, down the line. He was serious with himself when he decided to keep you until you want to leave. So why not at least make your stay more comfortable?

Pulling the feed of your vitals up on his control screen, he notices your heart rate in particular having gone up. He's a little worried- are you scared? If yes, what's frightening you? He knows that humans get nightmares- and that they can terrify them so badly that they can actually die from it. So of course he's worried now.

But when he does what he always keeps as a last resort, which is turning on the surveillance camera of your room, he's caught off guard by what he sees.

You're indeed asleep. Clearly dreaming. But with the way you're.. moving, sheets between your legs, lips parted, hips slowly moving back and forth, it's clear that your dream isn't one of terror, but pleasure.

And he's not sure what to think of it.

He almost instantly shuts down the camera again the second he realizes what he's watching- but the image doesn't leave him even after the feed simply displays the message 'Disconnected'.

He's never looked at you in a more.. sensual sense. He's never thought of you as a potential partner, even just in a sexual sense. Would you even be able to last through the ordeal? Maybe. You seem to have good stamina after all.

Why is he even thinking about that?

It's not like you're interested in him like that. Or that he's interested in you like that. It's probably just natural- considering he himself hasn't had any.. sexual relief for quite a while now, it's only normal he's seeing you as a potential partner. And the fact that you're visually attractive to him, only adds to his primal instincts.

And you? Well, he takes your behavior as somewhat of a compliment. You must feel very safe to let yourself go like that. And he'd be an asshole to interrupt your.. private time like this.

So he rather just keeps an eye on your vitals, can't help but laugh when they normalize again, before he notices a blinking light signaling the shower in your room is in use.

Well, he hopes you at least had a good time-

Because he needs a cold shower.

Ice cold.

[ladybugsimblr]

simshaderoom Good Morning! Just dropping off some interesting pictures we received in the DMs. Looks like there was a confrontation between #Bailey Kay her husband #Quinton and #Dizzy at 55 Degrees yesterday. We don’t know what was said but we can tell it wasn’t a friendly conversation. Stay tuned.

view all 16,103 comments

dizzydes I was just trying to clear the air before lawyers got involved, but as you can see the Queen B and her bully wanna be gangsta husband were not trying to listen. I was threatened and feared for my life so I chose to walk away before it escalated further. I’ll see them in court instead.

rubberbandshan Wooow! So what you’re saying is you interrupted their date with foolishness I’m sure. Bailey and Quinton wanted all the smoke. You realized you were about to get dead and ran away. Copy. Next.

kingb This is the visual definition of fucked around and found out 😂. Q should’ve mushed him with one finger to the forehead like Ghost did Tasha. Sir, please don’t try that again.

realisticrachel That’s assault so no. Grown adults can’t be fighting and arguing in public. Sad.

anon I like Dizzy but I still would want to see a fight lol. Also cameraman had one job. We needed video and audio. Who only takes pics in a situation like this?

bflyhive Absolutely NOT!! Please leave BK alone. She has more important things to worry about like her tour outfits. Anyone who stands in the way of me and the Hive pit will catch these hands.

bkstan AND FEET! When do we ride for the Queen? I stay ready.

B&QForever Oh Dizzy. You tried and failed miserably. She don't want you. Get over it. I'm riding in the front seat. Ready!

killabutterflies Just say the word B. We got you!

c.spiracy I've studied these images and I keep coming back to Dizzy and his fists. I don't condone violence but I too would ride for the Queen. Give us a sign BK.

rubberbandshan Not gonna lie. I'm riding too. Waiting for the Butterfly signal! 🦋

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Bad Batch 3.1 ‘Confined’ Recap

Image from this post by @isthereanechoinhere96

Fuck you for starting with that line

Why are the captions in a serif font?

Going heavy on the theme of freedom for the clones already in the recap. Foreshadowing?

Rex!

CODY

Meme by u/No-Needleworker5295 on Reddit

Ah fuck here we go again

Why must I be made to relive this?

Damn the music is really hitting hard and it’s only the recap

Spoilers for Season 3 below!

Mayday! *sobs*

Oh great, it’s fuck face again

Hemlock being a bastard as per usual

Poor Omega

“Prisoner? Omega, you are no such thing.” Said to the child kept in a cage.

Still not trusting and heavily side eyeing Emerie

Why do they let Omega carry around a little lunchbox? That seems like an obvious security risk. As does the cell with a window, even if it has a heavy grate on it.

LMAO Crosshair looks the saddest, wettest, most bedraggled little meow meow in existence

Who are those other clones??? I must know

Why are they taking blood samples from the top of the hand? That seems like the least useful place to take it from

“All of us serve a purpose here” Big oof

The shots and framing are making it pretty clear that the blood, and Omega's blood in particular, is important

So many commandos with the glowing visors

Oh, it’s a door scanner. I thought Omega was sitting in a cell in that shot in the trailer

Nala Se (derogatory)

Lmao that wasn’t even subtle. She just destroyed Omega’s blood sample without even hiding what she was doing

“This research, it’s not like what we did on Kamino, is it?” Pretty sure what you did on Kamino was just as horrific. Though you can’t really blame Omega for that seeing as she’s a literal child who was also probably experimented on

M-count. That’s midi-chlorians isn’t it. Lol they aren’t even being subtle about this. Force sensitive clones ahoy!

“Experiments on the specimens” Jesus H Christ

Vault? That doesn’t bode well

Everything about this episode is very eerie and sinister

Ok that is an excessive, overkill amount of security. Who the fuck is in there?

And straight into electrocuting space dogs. Great.

I knew the lunchbox was for hiding something!

Batcher? Aw, she named them after the Bad Batch

Yes, stick your arm into the cage with the aggressive space dog. That’s a good idea

Nuggies???

He was shivering T_T

Who are all of these clones??? I keep pausing the video and zooming in but I can’t see any identifying characteristics on any of them yet. 

And there he is

Oh fuck Crosshair’s hand is shaking. I know most people have probably watched the clip of this already but I deliberately didn’t. Shaking hands for a sniper is Not Good. That’s his right hand too, so presumably his trigger hand/finger/whatever it’s called? Is this a physical injury inflicted on him by their experiments or PTSD or both?

I’m intrigued at how much relative freedom they’re giving Omega. She’s not being kept in a cell all the time like the other clones. Though I suppose this is part of their plan to make Nala Se cooperate.

Ok the tap dripping in Omega’s cell is definitely a visual metaphor for how repetitive, dreary, and isolating this all is

That’s 21 tally marks

Oh, she made a straw Lula. Ow

[shrieking in distance] – what shrieking? Captions, what are you going on about?

Oh fuck that’s a lot of tally marks. And a hair change. Lots of time has clearly passed. They’ve updated Omega’s model too but I think it’s a tad heavy handed as she hasn’t aged that much.

Wow, she didn’t even look at Crosshair. Is this attitude change Omega being ground down by what’s happening to her or something she’s doing deliberately to try and play along and be more cooperative so she can find out about more stuff? Also, that’s the second time she’s walked past Crosshair in the same spot at the same time of the day. That seems deliberate. 

Lol could you be any more obvious with the lighting in that shot that Omega’s blood is important? It’s like the vial of her blood has a moody spotlight on it. Important plot point here!

Nooooo Batcher’s hurt 😭

Bacta sponge?

“If I get the chance to escape, I wouldn’t think twice about leaving you behind.” Hmmm, you keep telling yourself that Crosshair

“I’m not them.” T_T

“Don’t risk anything for me. I belong in here.” Oooooooooowwwwwwwww

“None of us belong in here.” Damn right

There is some really lovely cinematography and framing in this scene between Omega and Crosshair

Well that was brutal and heavy handed

A successful transfer? A successful transfer of what?

The “specimen” has a high M-count. So they’re force sensitive. Now for the speculation on who it is?

“You should not question my loyalty to science, Doctor.” LMAO bitch what?

Urgh, of course they’re killing the dog once it’s friendly

Ahahaha squished

Aw, she’s setting Batcher free but she doesn’t want to go. 

“I didn’t know you were so cruel, Omega.” Oh fuck right off

Piss weak attempt to help there Emerie

Hemlock getting his evil baddie laugh moment

Clever. Omega knows why she’s here.

Urgh, of course Hemlock would threaten Crosshair to get Omega to cooperate.

Re-education?!?!?! You sick fuck

“Actions always have consequences. Sometimes not in the ways we imagine.” I am really hoping that line comes back to bite him in the ass later on

Oh fuck off with bring back the doll Emerie. That is such a bait to try and get Omega to like her and behave

That’s 164 tally marks. Omega’s been on Mount Tantiss for 5 and a half months

Aw, Batcher made it out. And that’s the crashed shuttle from earlier that she’s howling on the top of. More foreshadowing?

[nozomijoestar]

LIFTING THE SPOILER WARNING ON THIS POST FOR LAUNCH DAY

Here's my initial analysis and thoughts on Asuka's ending (character episode) in Tekken 8

caught yearning in 1080p

handsome

thinking abt getting students now that the Zaibatsu ate shit (btw you don't find out the Zaibatsu is pretty much on track to being done with no leader again, which is why they continue the tournament presumably after the final battle unless you look through the character episodes, not the main story, for some fucking reason)

Asuka finally smiled at her accepting her and the feeling is mutual, this ending had great role reversal in the sense instead of previously only getting clear insight into Lili's feelings and thoughts now we're openly getting them from Asuka in response- she also felt tempted to give in to her old reaction first think later ways but here she's finally thinking before deciding it doesn't matter why, she enjoys fighting Lili and she finally seems to recognize what Lili's schemes are about on a level (wanting Asuka's attention and getting back at her for having lost), this is the closest so far we've ever gotten to a "I like you too"

this is on top of the teasing and compliment she gave Lili's ability in the same scene, and also correcting Lili on the Kazama Motto Asuka learned, which only Asuka could have told her at some point suggesting further closeness

"Softness overcomes hardness" you two are (HOPEFULLY) starting to change your relationship to be softer (also the hilarious hypocrisy of Asuka BARELY being a person living by any softness in practice)

I love that she even refers to Lili as "That noble (rich) girl", an ojou-sama, which is far better than calling her by nothing or using a rude form of You (anta) as in the past (and generally she's given up calling Lili by rude terms be it in the story mode or otherwise including Shaheen's ending, which is honestly more about AsuLili than him lol, it's also incredible seeing Asuka glad Lili's life was protected and joking about Lili being a handful with someone else)

And despite provoking Asuka in a very shitty way reminiscent of Feng, the premise of this ending is Asuka beating Lili at the tournament so Lili will honor her word of putting Asuka's dojo back the way it was before she bought it- which Lili does after losing rather than refuse out of spite, even if she then uses taking it in a fight to provoke Asuka again, it's nice that she IS willing to listen to Asuka when it comes to promises

honestly if you cut the entire scene into only my screenshots here it still looks so fucking gay

Video source ( @ 1:03 )

This is the de-facto best Asuka ending yet, at last she's happy, hopeful, not confused, and at some form of peace and connection in her life

ALSO ASUKA DIDN'T CALL LILI A DINGBAT SHE CALLED HER AHOU (Idiot/Moron) LIKE ALWAYS AND IT WAS SOFT THIS TIME 😭😭😭😭

Plus Asuka might finally get the dojo back up and become the next leader with Jin's image being fixed and thus how people would see Asuka since they're related, as well as the current war being over- though Reina's new devil bullshit will probably ruin this in the future

EDIT: I FORGOT TO MENTION

PAIR OF BIRDS; BIRD MOTIF FOR KAZAMAS RETURNS

I doubt these are Jun's birds specifically it's more likely just symbolic of Asuka and Lili if it means anything at all. Also doesn't have to specify meaning lovebirds, in general their characters will always be put together. But it is funny how Jun's birds always appear to show her connection to someone she loves, so there could be a parallel here that Asuka's bird imagery would represent the same sense of connection. If it is a visual metaphor for lovebirds though by the time we get Tekken 9 then, the cinema of it all.

ALSO Harada has said Jun attracts animals because of her spiritual mastery over martial arts. She's at a level of power where animals don't run because of sensing her aura; she can suppress her fighting spirit. With how at peace AND in control of herself Asuka is in this ending, maybe the birds imply she can move in a similar direction from here on. And it makes sense too because Asuka has returned to a state of equilibrium now that she doesn't have the stress of the world being in chaos affecting her. As a person who prefers being in control, she's back to feeling some control over her life.

----

THINGS I DIDN'T LIKE:

1. It's great that the tone of their relationship is now friendlier, but like in story mode and other places they appear as a pair, we're never shown anything on how they started transitioning from fighting all the time to agreeing to listen and partner up in general, nevermind during a global war they're supposed to have their own personal stakes in beyond not wanting to die (those personal stakes ended up being entirely irrelevant anyway which is it's own problem)

There's a problem present where you're shown the end result of an emotional shift with none of the journey or even a simple scene explaining how they got there, much like the main story and other characters in general many plot points and character changes are resolved off screen showing only the results with no explanation the majority of the time. In the main story this gets even more egregious because even how a character knows specific information usually doesn't get explained at all either unless it relates to Jin understanding the devil gene. This writing makes a lot of things simply happen like it's checking off a list.

In essence, WHERE is a scene connecting Asuka who did nothing but fight Lili and get pissed with her to the Asuka who's tolerant of her, is more catty and accepting than outright angry, is now willing to joke and play around with her, who taught Lili the Kazama Motto she learned (though I guess this one you can say Lili found it while looking up Asuka's family, something we ALSO don't get Asuka's thoughts on beyond surprise) and so on

2. The fact this scene ends with provoking another fight, as much as I like that it's friendly now, isn't the best direction. This fits again into problem 1; there's no on screen room to let these characters breathe and illustrate what made them change now to the viewer. There's no fresh angle given about their relationship outside fighting or even a new approach on their relationship within it. There's no pause in the formula which many people are tired of (and people are already back to calling Asuka a useless piece of shit who's a complete fucking joke, and I can't really blame them entirely because on a surface level all they see is the exact same situation as it's been for twenty years of cutscenes).

Also the logic of having this scene exist is confusing in itself. Nothing in the game story clarified if Asuka sat the tournament out or did participate but was eliminated and decided to follow Lili's progress in Rome as a spectator. A scene explaining either of those would give better weight and context to this one.

3. Zero mention of Asuka's father or his current condition

4. Having Lili imitate what Feng Wei did to dojos like Asuka's is the cruelest way she's ever provoked her. Whereas before it was often ridiculous, silly, and teasing, involving an event that led Asuka to spiral adds something uncharacteristically spiteful toward her from Lili's end. Insofar as what Lili has previously used to get her attention anyway. Keeping Asuka's trauma out of it has always seemed to be a line Lili was willing to respect. And it's off too because this is happening when they're supposed to be becoming friends/are friends now. It's too personal to be brushed off the way it is.

The only way I can rationalize it is if Asuka has let go of her anger towards what Feng did in part (but she still has a special intro where she wants to attack him on sight saying they finally meet so, I don't fuckin know, that may as well have been included as an easter egg if they're gonna do nothing with it) or she never really gave enough of a shit about the entire thing in the first place. You can make a loose argument using prior games to show Asuka never really cared about the revenge aspect as much- but her behavior sorta contradicts this at the same time. So really who fucking knows. Based on how she reacts here I guess it's not a big deal at this point cuz she doesn't get mad and jumps into messing around with Lili like a friend anyway.

Maybe this could be explained too by whatever made them act friendly now in the first place, but again we never saw that. So instead it comes out worse than if we knew.

5. WHY THE FUCK DID THEY MENTION THE ENTIRE MAIN KAZAMA FAMILY WAS ELIMINATED BY OGRE IN THE STORY MODE THEN HAVE THE NEWS NOT IMPACT ASUKA AT ALL

We also never see them discuss what Lili knows about the family in any depth between themselves

Viva le sex gay I guess but now I have more questions than answers and that's a problem when the game acts like I've been given answers it never provided. I got something I wanted but with nothing to show for it.

EDIT 1/27/2024 : However that won't discount that I do love what I received and the potential it represents; I adore this shit.

[lulu2992]

From the Inquisitor to the Baptist: The Evolution of John Seed

In addition to concept art and behind-the-scenes content, early visuals and deleted dialog can still be found in the game itself, notably in its files, and reveal more information about how John and his personality have changed during the development of Far Cry 5.

All the sources and references indicated by the superscript numbers will be given in the last post.

Part 4: Personality and morals (Far Cry 5)

First, let’s have a look at this screenshot of the performance capture footage of the game’s first mission, “The Warrant”, that was officially posted in August 2018⁴¹.

While the Father, the Marshal, and the Sheriff are all played by their original actors, the Heralds are not. That said, they don’t say a word in this scene and are just standing in the background, so it wasn’t necessary for Mark Pellegrino (Jacob), Jenessa Grant (Faith), and Seamus Dever to be on set that day, and their characters could be played by other people. I don’t know how old the footage is, but the number “170803” in the title of the sequence could be a date: August 3, 2017. There are two other numbers in the video, “170616” and “170615”, which could mean other parts of the intro were shot on June 15 and 16 (but this is just a hypothesis).

Behind Greg Bryk, the actor on the left in the screenshot seems to be Jacob, as the eldest Seed brother stands in a similar position, with his arms crossed, in the finished scene. The woman on the floor is surely Faith, and her posture is quite different from what we see in the game (but, interestingly, reminiscent of the way she poses in the family portrait found in the Holmes Residence³¹). The attitude of the third actor, who must be John, isn’t identical to the Baptist’s in the finalized sequence, either.

Instead of standing with his arms behind his back, he has one foot on the platform and, judging by the way his left hand is positioned, it looks like it’s possibly either in the pocket of his coat (maybe just the thumb) or resting on a gun. While, in Far Cry 5, John is simply observing the scene, attentively but calmly, and the “tough” brother seems to be Jacob instead, in this early version of the intro, his attitude is defiant and draws more attention to him, like he wants to make it very clear that you shouldn’t try to attack him or his family.

This is consistent with what we’ve seen in the first promotional images, concept art, Inside Eden’s Gate, the TV spot, and what is described in Far Cry Absolution: John used to appear more threatening and confident. In the game, this was toned down a bit and he, on the contrary, seems to want to look more “polite” than overtly menacing. This might be due to the fact that, as evidence suggests, his methods, although still violent, aren’t as extreme as they used to be.

In the final version of Far Cry 5, John gives tattoos that represent people’s sins and then cuts them out to make them Atone. This is brutal, yes, but from his point of view, this isn’t gratuitously brutal. He genuinely believes he’s helping and saving people, and that suffering is indispensable. The day his parents “threw [him] on the ground” and made him experience unbearable amounts of pain, he says he reached a point where “all [he] could say was yes” because he felt “clear” and “free”. Whether they’re right or not (since it seems the Voice Joseph hears is real), the members of the Seed family have conditioned themselves into believing that their trauma was a divine “test”, that it gave them purpose, and that people needed to experience the same thing to serve the Project, survive the Collapse, and be worthy of passing the Gates of Eden. John, because of what he went through, now believes pain has purifying properties, and he hurts others so they too can experience the epiphany he had while he was being tortured as a child. He can also get zealous and doesn’t hesitate to threaten or harm people who resist him, mostly because he can’t do his job properly and impress the Father if they don’t comply (and ironically, it’s precisely when he gets angry and carried away that Joseph is disappointed), but he doesn’t torture people just because he enjoys it. On the surface, it may look like pure sadism, but it’s more complicated; there’s reason for his actions. What gives him satisfaction is more the result of the pain he inflicts (look how exhilarated he is when he’s finally made Nick Atone) than the simple act of inflicting pain. He sees “torture” as a means to an end: Salvation.

In the game’s files, though, deleted content reveals that, earlier in development, John was more violent, would mostly hurt for his own enjoyment, and was, in general, a more hypocritical and narcissistic person, and it appears a few needless acts of brutality were removed from the game.

For example, this is what the transcript of John’s radio call to the Deputy for their Atonement looks like in the “oasisstrings” file⁴², which contains all the in-game text:

Your actions have consequences, Deputy. I've gathered all your friends here in Fall's End to Atone for your sins. You're welcome to join us. After all, if it weren't for you they wouldn't be in this predicament... This is your last chance to say Yes, Deputy. Don't be late.[SFX of an electric saw and someone screaming]

As you probably know, the “SFX of an electric saw and someone screaming” isn’t part of the call at all in the game, and it’s not in the audio files either. The sound effect would have made it seem like John was busy gruesomely torturing someone when he decided to call the Deputy, and that he casually resumed hurting them as soon as he was done talking. I think it’s interesting that the developers considered including this but eventually decided against it. Without it, the call sounds “normal”. Threatening, but normal. The scream and the electric saw would have made John look like someone who gratuitously tortures without any empathy… but this simply isn’t who he is anymore, so the SFX had to be cut.

In the Prima Games guide, a screenshot reveals what the Confession room in John’s Gate used to look like:

The room isn’t grey just because the lighting is different; plastic tarps are covering the floor and walls. The Confession room used to look more like a torture/kill chamber in which a lot of blood was expected to be shed. The wrapped dead bodies were more visible… and also seemed more consistent with who John apparently was at the time: basically a (somewhat caricatural) serial killer. Although he knew how to look refined, it seems neither he nor his methods particularly were.

When you explore the Holland Valley, you can stumble upon an excerpt of Deputy Joey Hudson’s Confession. In the broadcast, clearly recorded and made public by John in an attempt to make the Junior Deputy worry about their partner’s safety and lure them into his bunker, here is what we hear:

John: It was the Father who said to me, “Take them, John. Take them even if they resist, for those who deny the Project are the ones most in need of its salvation. Though their sins are great, their souls are not beyond saving. All they must do… is Confess.” Are you ready, Deputy Hudson? Hudson: Go fuck yourself. John: Hmm… I know. Opening yourself, exposing your darkest secrets can be… challenging. It can be scary, but… this is a safe space, there is no judgment here. Do you wish for me to hear your Confession? Hudson: Go. Fuck. Yourself. John: That’s... not the magic word. John: Do you wish for me to hear your confession? John: *sighs* You just have to say "Yes." Hudson: Go. Fuck. Yours- *screams* John: Do you wish to Confess? Hudson: *still in pain* Oh, fuck you! Fuck you! John: Embrace it. John: Embrace the Power of Yes! Hudson: *crying* Please, stop. Please, stop! Please, stop... Please... John: Do you wish to Confess? Hudson: Yes... John: There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

Hudson’s screams make the broadcast hard to listen to, but it turns out it used to be even worse.

There are 16 sound files in this “sermon”, but there were 9 more (so 25 in total) in the “complete”, previous version, which sounded like this:

John: It was the Father who said to me, “Take them, John. Take them even if they resist, for those who deny the Project are the ones most in need of its salvation. Though their sins are great, their souls are not beyond saving. All they must do… is Confess.” Are you ready, Deputy Hudson? Hudson: Go fuck yourself! John: Hmm… I know. Opening yourself, exposing your darkest secrets can be… challenging. It can be scary, but… this is a safe space, there is no judgment here. Do you wish for me to hear your Confession? Hudson: Go fuck yourself!! John: That’s... not the magic word. Hudson: Go fuck yourself. John: Do you wish for me to hear your confession? Hudson: Go. Fuck. Yourself. John: *sighs* You just have to say "Yes." Hudson: Go. Fuck. Yours- *screams* John: Do you wish to Confess? Hudson: *screams* John: Shhh… It’s okay. This happens all the time. Hudson: *still in pain* Oh, fuck you! Fuck you! John: You just have to open yourself. Hudson: *screams* John: Embrace it. Hudson: *screams* John: Embrace the Power of Yes! Hudson: *screams* Hudson: *crying* Please, stop. Please, stop! Please, stop... Please... Hudson: No... *screams* John: Do you wish to Confess? Hudson: Yes... John: There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

While the in-game version is painful to listen to, it seems a bit less violent in comparison, like John is only hurting Joey (who used to be more confrontational too) when he believes it’s required, just enough to make her say “yes” so he can finally do his job. He’s also a bit less mocking in the final broadcast, and unlike in the long version, when she asks him to stop, he does. To me, shortening this audio to only keep what’s “necessary” (from John’s point of view, of course; it’s still harsh) makes him seem less pointlessly sadistic, and I see this as another proof that his violent tendencies were deliberately toned down.

In deleted radio calls⁴³, John was also more taunting and insulting towards the Deputy, calling them “a wayward, filthy sinner” he could easily find if he followed “the stench of sin”. He also used to tell them it was their fault if he hurt people, for example in this one, supposed to be triggered sometime after the mission “The Confession”:

Wrath... all that anger you carry inside of you is a disease. It spreads out... infects others. It's even infected me. It's making me do something I don't want to do. You see, after you fled your Confession this... rage started boiling up inside me. I'm afraid your friend, your... Deputy Hudson... will have to bear the brunt of this rage you've given me. She's going to be the one who pays for what you've done. And you only have yourself to blame.

In Far Cry 5, he still taunts the Deputy and threatens to harm their allies if they keep hurting the Project, but not as much, and it appears he doesn’t always plan on carrying out his threats; he mostly wants to scare them so they “behave” and let him do his job (but it doesn’t work very well). In the deleted call, I think he seemed to be a less sincere and more manipulative person, and this John would likely have kept torturing people even if the Deputy hadn’t done anything, simply because he enjoyed it, but he prefers to guilt trip them and tell them that they should feel bad for his actions.

In the game, when Hudson is finally out of John’s Gate, she says something I think is very interesting⁴⁴:

When you escaped the bunker... John didn't say it... but you could see it in his face. Failure. Things got worse from there... Like he was trying to make up for something. Prove to his brother he could... I never thought I'd make it out of there.

I like that the radio call in which John says the Deputy’s Wrath has “infected” him and is “making [him] do something [he doesn’t] want to do” was cut. Again, it didn’t sound genuine; he clearly wanted to make their friends suffer and was just blaming them for his behavior. In Far Cry 5, I love that John doesn’t talk about his feelings at all and doesn’t admit he was angry when the Deputy ran away from his bunker. On the contrary, while they’re fleeing the Gate, John encourages them to leave. To me, it sounds like he’s actually very upset about the situation, probably even more than “early John” would have been, but because he doesn’t want to lose face, he pretends he’s not and that them leaving was his plan all along anyway.

When Hudson reveals that John was visibly vexed after the Deputy’s escape but “didn’t say anything”, I think it’s more compelling than him then calling the Deputy to tauntingly and hypocritically put the blame on them. And when “things got worse from there”, Hudson (rightly, I think) concludes it was because John wanted to “prove to his brother he could” make up for that failure he painfully knew was his, not because he simply felt like hurting people and used the Deputy as an excuse.

What this deleted radio call reveals, to me, is that in earlier versions of the story, John was too conceited to take responsibility for anything, and he wasn’t ashamed because others were always the problem. The final version of John doesn’t have such a high opinion of himself anymore, as much as he wants to give the impression that he does and that nothing can affect him. After the Deputy’s escape, he silently withstands that blow to his ego and then works his hardest to fix his mistake. Unfortunately, it doesn’t change the fact that people then have to suffer, but my point is that the motivation behind his actions is different.

There are more proofs of “early John”’s hypocrisy and narcissism, such as this piece of concept art for his home, Seed Ranch⁴⁵:

In the picture, we see flower beds, colorful garden furniture, a fountain, and a golden (maybe even gold) statue of the “old” Eden’s Gate logo, the one with an eagle, which indicates the artwork was made rather early in development. And they aren’t visible in the artwork, but in the sound files, Nick and Sharky also mention tennis courts⁴⁶!

When people join Eden’s Gate, they are expected to give up their worldly possessions, not to give them to the cult (although it’s always an option since they need supplies for the Collapse), but because Joseph preaches about how Greed, consumerism, and selfishness have perverted humanity, so it’s better to live a simple life. It seems awfully hypocritical, then, for one of his Heralds to own such a luxurious property...

But in the game, although it’s still big, it looks like there are fewer rooms in the ranch, and its exterior isn’t as fancy anymore⁴⁷. No fountain, no gold statue, no colorful garden… and no tennis court.

More cut content suggests that Seed Ranch wasn’t just where John lived. In the deleted in-game encyclopedia (still available in “oasisstrings”), the description of the ranch said:

The power of yes gave John Seed this dream ranch overlooking the Holland Valley. it has commanding views, a private air strip, and secluded soundproofed rooms for his most invigorating religious pursuits.

In the files, it’s also possible to find this kind of NPC dialog:

The cultists were talking about taking me to John's ranch. People who go there... they don't come back. Or they come back wrong.

And a deleted mission objective said to “rescue Mary May from John Seed’s Ranch”, so she would be taken there at some point. In Far Cry 5, converts go to John’s Gate after their Cleansing so he can hear their Confession and tattoo them... as well as make them suffer because, as a cultist explains in the mission “The Cleansing” to people who’ve just been baptized:

Confession without pain isn't Confession. You'll scream out your sin, then you'll wear it on your flesh before John peels it off of you. It's a beautiful thing.

Clearly, “early John” would also torture people in his ranch. And did he really believe it was for “religious” reasons, like it seems he does in the game, or was that, once again, at least partially an excuse? Given what we’ve seen so far, my guess is it was the latter.

A mysterious “sex room” located in the ranch is also mentioned in the files, but it was cut from the game and not much is known about it⁴⁸. If it was a literal “sex room”, it would either be yet another proof that John used to be hypocritical and to not always practice what he preached, or confirm that the “no fornication” rule originally didn’t exist. “Sex room” could also simply be a joke name used by the developers to refer to a torture chamber. But if we want to trust what one of the survivors says in Far Cry New Dawn⁴⁹…

This place used to be a ranch owned by a cultist named John Seed. I always heard rumors that he had some kind of pervert basement and was real disappointed to find out that it wasn't true.

…there apparently is no such room in John’s house.

Given how luxurious the ranch looks, you would expect him to want to spend as much time as possible in it, but it turns out he doesn’t. In fact, one of the cultists guarding the property comments⁵⁰:

Haven't seen John here in a long time. He's super busy.

And in a letter found in his bunker⁵¹, John wrote:

Everyone's human, and that's why I don't want to put myself on a pedestal. I don't ever want to get back up there again. I'd rather be here with all of you and the new souls in this bunker.

At some point during the development of Far Cry 5, John would expect his followers to live a simple life, serve the Project, and rigorously follow its rules while he would do the opposite. In the final version of the game, his faith in his mission and his devotion to the Project seem sincere, and he would rather work tirelessly and live in his Gate among his “brothers and sisters” than lounge in his ranch. Said ranch is also not as much of a display of wealth as it used to be, and nobody gets tortured there anymore. A bag of “oregano” can still be found in the living room, but since no one says anything about it and it really doesn’t seem to me that John would break the cult’s rules and smoke drugs, I consider it to be a relic from the past, a vestige of the time he seemed to only care about himself.

John is involved in three more abandoned storylines in the files, and they all demonstrate he used to be more hypocritical and violent. The first one is revealed by a mission objective that said to “find John and Mary May’s secrets”⁵², and it seemed it was related to the mission in which we would go rescue her from the ranch. Unfortunately, it’s unknown what the secrets were about, but it’s very likely John didn’t want them to be exposed because everyone would have seen his true, ugly colors and how dishonest he was.

The second one is revealed by Hurk Jr. who has this line in the files⁵³:

Good thing for us John and Jacob haven't sorted out their brotherly nonsense. I mean if we're lucky, they'll just take each other down. If not, well, I'm going to keep some grenades around with John's name on 'em, eh? It's comin' to a head man.

In the game, they aren’t in conflict. On the contrary, Jacob seems rather protective of his family, and John strives to impress his brothers.

As for the third one, we know about it thanks to one of Kim’s deleted lines⁵⁴:

John Seed's a piece of shit. When news spread that I was expecting, that scumbag spread rumors that HE was the biological father of my baby. I don't know if he was trying to create a wedge between me and Nick or if he was just doing it to laugh at us. It was stressful and all for nothing. I can tell you, we don't need to go on a talk show and have a DNA test. Nick is the father.

Again, in the game we know, it seems absurd that John would want people to believe that he had an affair with Kim, with whom he isn’t married, considering what the Project’s rules are and that a letter found on the Ryes’ porch, titled “John Seed’s plea”, proves he’s already amiably tried to talk them into joining the Family:

Nick, The Collapse I talked to you about has started. I know you want to protect YOUR FAMILY. The only way to do this is by joining OUR FAMILY. Our bunkers have everything Kim & Baby Rye will need to survive. There are dozens of expecting mothers and children here already with us. This is my final plea to you. Say YES. John Seed

Spreading distasteful rumors about them seems counterproductive, but again, John the Inquisitor probably wouldn’t have cared as long as he could have fun at the expense of other people.

In Far Cry 5, John the Baptist simply isn’t this man anymore.

To be continued…

[good-beans]

hiii ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ i've always loved your milgram posts and was hoping to hear you talk about them more. it's a bit of a vague question but i was hoping to hear your thoughts about the characters or songs? or really anything that's been on your mind! apart from that i hope you've been having a good day (or night!)

!!!!! Omg thank you so much?? This made me so happy ;----; I’m sorry if this is more than you bargained for LMAO, I planned on jotting down a few ideas and then I just kept on writing..... I hope you’re having a lovely day/night as well!✨

So, I’m actually not that great with coming up with crime-logistic theories (timelines, cause of death, etc), but I’ve been really interested in the insights we get on characterization from the visuals – specifically looking at the image of the self each prisoner creates. The videos come directly from inside their minds, so these self-portrayals aren’t biased with any manipulation, or how they want Es to view them. I’ve been bouncing these around in my head for a while, so thank you for the reason to actually put them down somewhere! So here are details I’ve gathered on each of them: (And as with everything in Milgram, this is just how I understood the symbolism – if people have other interpretations, I’d love to hear them!)

I've been adding edits as the videos come out, it's through Double now 👍

Haruka: In T1 he definitely views himself as guilty and dangerous. Though it’s dulled with crayon/mixed media, he conjurs a version of himself that’s committing acts of violence even in his suffering. The fact that his younger self takes place as the victim is huge to me. I know it could mean a lot of different things, but my personal interpretation is that Haruka sees his younger self in his little sister. He’s been in her shoes, at a time his mother loved him best. He believes he is the reason she stopped loving him, so he hates this younger version of himself. And this leads him to hate her now that he’s seeing the similarities. I believe the crimes happened extremely recently, so it’s interesting that he portrays himself as a child in much of AKAA. He’s not trying to gain any sympathy with it, he still genuinely feels like a child because of how much he struggles with everything. I don’t know what it means yet, but I’m really interested that despite all the water imagery he creates, he visualizes himself sinking, but never actually drowning/short of breath.

Yuno: Between both her videos, we only ever see her, her, her. This is because her motivations start and end with herself. I know her situation relies heavily on her clients, but in her mind, the one who was in control the whole time was only her. She’s the only one she can trust to take care of her and show her real love. She got into her line of work to benefit herself, and she went through with the abortion to benefit herself. She's taking the ultimate responsibility for everything that happened to her and everything that she did. Though it makes me happy to see it framed as all self love, it’s also clear that she’s unhappy with her decision. And, when everything revolves around versions of herself, there’s only one person she has to hate... 

Fuuta: His self-imagery makes it really clear how his mindset changed between trials. In T1 he genuinely saw himself as the hero, the perfect knight-in-shining-armor. Once doubt started to creep into his mind, though, he suddenly portrays himself as a criminal hiding/running in dark areas. It also emphasizes what he was saying about he and Es being the same: the girl that he accused of being guilty turned to ash after being sprayed with his paint, and he starts turning to ash along with Es’ accusation and paint spray. I know people took that as his suicidal intent, (and while that’s still a thing he does express in Backdraft,) I actually think his burning is just his fear that he’ll die at the end of Milgram. Another little detail, but someone mentioned Fuuta only lowered his mask in BIO while he’s looking at his phone, showing that he was comfortable being his true self online. Meaning, he had to hide some part of him in the rest of his life. The original post said it was his sexuality, but I feel as though it’s just his general paranoia of living around warriors for justice who are constantly evaluating everyone’s behavior. 

Muu: Like I said, the mvs are unaffected by how the prisoners want Es to see them, soI was confused when people accused Muu of lying in T1 – that’s really how she took the situation! In her mind, that pain and mistreatment made up everything in her. Her being a bully didn’t matter then, because it was her being a victim that led to the murder. In T2, it becomes obvious that she does harbor guilt. No innocent person would imagine themselves as a monstrous, destructive creature like that. If she really saw herself as ‘queen bee,’ her self-image would be flawless and lovable. INMF also showed she wasn’t exaggerating when she said the murder was to free her: we see her self-image undergo a full metamorphosis and sprout beautiful wings to fly away after she committed her crime. Though she feels guilty, she still believes it was necessary to free her and is grateful for it. 

Shidou: I’m still working on something more solid for him, but it’s neat that T1 he’s expressing so much guilt, yet his self-image is engaged in very abstract activities (like gardening and eating). In T2 he’s chilled out a bit, but that’s the video that death is literally following everywhere he goes (flowers dying behind him, ghosts surrounding him). It’s also worth noting he has his doctor’s coat on for most of Throw Down, and then the only time he has it in Triage is at the very end when he’s vowing to help the other prisoners. I’ll get back with a more solid conclusion on his soon…

Mahiru: Like Yuno (and semi-Haruka), the fact that she’s the only one to appear in her T1 mv means all her turmoil at that point was focused inward. She saw herself as the center of her story, which isn’t necessarily a selfish thing. It means she didn’t blame her boyfriend for anything that happened, even though we know it was likely both of their behaviors that led to the crime. Still, she’s taking all the focus on herself, showing off all the things she did and failed to do for him. The fact that everything is styled like magazine pages hints that she genuinely sees their relationship as the picture perfect example of love. After all, she was just “being herself” when she got him killed. Even that deep in her heart, she’s convinced love makes everything glossy and perfect. T2 is an exaggeration on both if these concepts -- she still places all the blame/responsibility on herself, but with the doubt creeping into her mind, she now paints herself as a villain who's actively causing harm. She still believes love can make things seem perfect, but you get the sense she's become more aware that love wasn't transforming her, it was blinding her.

Kazui: So this is an interesting one. I know that the performance aspect in Half is obviously taken as him acting that he loves his wife when he’s fallen in love with someone else. However, the fact that he’s singing the song about how he doesn’t love her, while still on stage/in costume, gives me a different idea. His emotions are so incredibly repressed and fucked up that even in the privacy of his own heart, he feels like he has to act sad about her death when he actually has more complex emotions than that. Not that he’s happy about it per se, but the feelings are too complex for him to show even himself. (We’ve all been there, where even in our private thoughts it’s embarrassing to be excited about something terrible and we pretend we aren’t.) That’s why I think he sounds so different in Cat – he’s able to start processing that he may be relieved, or freed that she’s gone. Or maybe he’s just realizing the murder was indirect, and he’s allowed to mourn her without feeling personally guilty for her death. So I agree the costumes represent hiding his emotions, but I think it symbolizes him lying to himself rather than just lying to his wife. Now with Cat out, he also shows a shift of seeing himself more guilty. Rather than a passive character, his self appears as someone known for manipulation/deception/trickery -- someone in charge of the situation. He's coming to terms with his active role in Hinako's death. There's also a lot of his vices shown explicitly, like his smoking and drinking. He's painting himself in a much worse light as his guilt gets to him. (There's also something to be said about the whole thing appearing under a filter of advertisement/magazine style, but I have yet to form a conclusion I'm happy with on that)

Amane: The major thing I took away from Magic was the idea that Amane really felt isolated in her cult. She saw herself as a normal girl, but no one else is like her. The other children are all animals, and the adults in charge are animalistic or robotic. There’s such a divide between her and everyone else. She’s not living up to their religious standards the way that everyone else seems to be. With the adults, it could be the general feeling that they never listen to or understand her because of her age. In T2, she presents a new idea: she's struggling with how complex and contradictory the self is. The human psyche has so many parts and motivations, all represented by the marching band members. She wants to be good. She's flawed. She wants to help. She's hurting. She knows she's made mistakes. She thinks she deserves punishment. That punishment is killing her. The adults around her make behaving look/sound so easy, but at her age it's so difficult to be a good girl! She wants to show this to Es, since she believes her own misbehavior + following the rules is what led to her murder.

Mikoto: He’s got So much going on with identity and sense of self, but I don’t have a ton on him that hasn’t already been said lol. I’ve joked that the reason Meme got the most views is because it’s the mv that shows the most skin, but on a serious note I think it’s really telling that there are so many bathing/showering/teeth brushing shots. Those are the stereotypical times we’re completely alone with ourselves – cleaning off everything external so that it’s just us in our purest form left when we’re done. An interesting switch I've noticed in Double is that the two major alters never appear beside each other -- there's the reflection in the mirror at one point (and I think they're face to face in the last shot?) but we never see both onscreen at the same time. This is because each one wants to distance themselves from the other: Bokukoto wants to show he's far from a killer, and Orekoto wants to make it clear he's the one who was violent. Neither wants to be mistaken for the other, but it's much easier to do so since they look exactly the same in this video (no color-coded clothes or eyes or lighting.) A minor detail, but the fact that his own mind conjured up quotes around the word "savior" makes it clear that Orekoto is slowly realizing his actions may have gotten Bokukoto into more trouble than they saved him from...

Kotoko: I don’t have too much on her at the moment since a lot of her scenes seem to be memories of her actual life and are already in line with what she’s admitted about herself. Still, I think the running-alongside-wolves scenes reveal a lot. She very clearly works alone, but wolves are known for hunting in a pack. Does she have a pack we haven’t seen yet? Is there a reason she’s no longer with them? Does she just dream of running with one because she craves that belonging so deeply? @tokyogruel pointed out that wolves are known for caring for weaker pack members, and that there have been analyses of the Harrow wolves being Kotoko's family members. This is revealing a more prominent focus on family than she's made known so far. She doesn't see herself as an elevated hero -- she always views herself as part of a team, which can be seen in her 'deal' with Es and all her T2 commentary of their partnership (despite being their prisoner). She's always been working with and for others.

[frostironfudge]

I Think I Met You In My Dreams Once - Bucky Barnes - One

Summary: After receiving an honourable discharge from his military service that was caused by the loss of his arm, James Barnes begins to come to terms with several things. He also finds solace in youtube videos, memes and social media, where he happens to find you.

Pairing: Ex-Military!Bucky Barnes x Fem! Plus Size!Reader (Modern AU)

Word Count: 3930

Chapter Warnings: Descriptions of how Bucky lost his arm, military dynamics, gun fire, bombs, injuries, rehabilitation, angst, crying, hurt bucky, some fluff

A.N.: This idea has been in my head for several weeks and I usually do not write full length fics while I have one going on, but I just couldn't stop making up all the scenarios and I had to share this, please note most of the military stuff is based on research (if it isn't accurate then its going to be under author too creative liberty lol) i hope you enjoy the fic! (images for the header are taken from pintrest)

Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Fic Masterlist || Main Masterlist || AO3 || Fic Playlist

Chapter Two

James Buchanan Barnes remembers every detail from that day. Even though he wishes he could forget. Only a few days or nights from his life left a profound impact; intensity of such level that he can list off every minute detail. 

The comms were compromised to an extent. The Lieutenant had warned them, a final call of fall back was ordered.

Bullets were flying as the mud and dust kicked up, dancing in patterns that could be admired in the belting heat of the sun. If only it was a day of leisure. 

“We need to fall back.” James reminds his unit as he sets his sniper rifle, the target locked on the viewfinder. The shot never transpires; instead he feels weightless floating, his dog tags glow as he floats, gleaming in the sunlight.

The dust floats around him, begging to envelope him. Begging to pull him under. James falls upon his left arm, the crunching sound cannot be a good sign. The Sergeant chooses to ignore it. The ringing in his ears is a chilling reminder of their unit’s highly compromised status.James pants then opens his eyes trying to get a visual on everyone. 

“Sergeant Barnes!” Torres' panicked voice floats above the unrelenting gunfire. 

“Fall back! Defend, we need to get back behind the line!” James roars, the focus on his people; leading them to safety distracts him from his injuries. Dust floats as does the scent of gunmetal and copper.

“Sergeant!” Another Corporal bellows, then yelps in pain. Fuck, fuck, fuck. James Barnes watches the Corporal, Jessica fall, her chest still rising and falling gives him hope.

James pushes himself up from the prone position, biting back the wince at the pain surging from his left arm. He drags himself staying close to the ground moving towards the Corporal. 

She stays curled up, tears flowing mixing with the dust and soot. 

“No one left behind.” He reminds her. Reaching his arm out he pulls her close trying to move her from the line of fire.

His unit attempts clearing a path, James knows standing up gives them a better chance. Even thought it brings its own issues. 

“Sergeant, my leg…” The Corporal brings to his attention, he sees only the blood ooze.

“Jones, you better hold on.” He tells her, using the remaining strength of his left arm to push them upwards while taking her weight with his right arm.

“Go on without–,”

“Corporal.” Is all James says in warning, cutting off her thought.

There is no ceasefire, Jessica Jones; the Corporal and Sergeant Barnes begin to move quickly towards the line of control. She puts most of her weight upon him. James shifts them quickly allowing his left hand to shield her, grabbing the grenade he had on him.

“Torres!” James calls out, Torres raises the walkie, speaking into it quickly the distance aiding the communication to base. 

He then gives a nod in confirmation to his Sergeant’s question.

James Barnes turns, another bullet lodges itself in his left arm at the elbow, a second lodges itself against his deltoid. Bucky’s right hand launches the grenade giving them the last bit of hope to return to the line.

The blast doesn’t make him flinch, his unit’s steps falter and then he bellows at them to run. Torres grabs Jones from Sergeant Barnes who takes his rifle  

They run, run till their lungs burn with an ache and their throats dry. They take support upon each other, till they reach the military vehicles.

The drive is frenzied quiet sobs from Jessica, disappointment lacing their soft exchange of words. James sighs loudly, enough to warrant silence.

“We followed orders and no soldier was left behind. We will get back to safety and return smarter and more vigilant. You all did good. Do not let this put you down.”

James encouraged not allowing anyone to feel guilty about retreating. 

The vehicles stop and they enter the medical tent first. 

Jessica Jones is treated, her leg can be salvaged. The relief that floods the unit is soon gone as they all give silent glances to his arm. James still ignores the aches and pains that may be originating in his arm. It feels numb and sore to him. 

The Lieutenant watches James with a grim expression, “Sergeant Barnes, care to get yourself checked?” 

He nods once satisfied his entire unit is being looked after. No soldier left behind. The doctor comes in and begins his examination. 

After a minute, a mere sixty seconds, James counted before anything was spoken. That entire minute brought everything to an end. Everything. 

“It’s a dead arm.” The Sergeant registers the words a minute after they are spoken from the army doctor.

James tries flexing his fingers, moving his wrist, elbow, he watches the dark tinge spread over his arm. 

How would he continue? He had to go back out there.

No. They could salvage it. 

“Fix it.” James says in a voice so cold, so devoid of emotion even he cannot recognise it.

“Sergeant Barnes, I’m, there is no easy way to say this—,” The doctor looks ruefully at the superiors, then at the soldier.

“Doc, fix it, get the bullets out.” James begs coldly. 

“There is too much trauma we need to amputate–,”

“No. I need my fucking arm, what good is a one armed soldier?” James wants to mock the thought, the insinuation that the arm is gone. Lost. He had too much on his shoulders to lose anything. 

“Sergeant, we’re moving you to the hospital.” The Lieutenant's voice is distant.

All that flows through James is the sudden pain, all of it that he had blocked out, all the searing, burning. 

The feel of broken fragments. 

The blaze of the first blast, the harsh twist of the joint when he landed on the arm. 

The burning bullets and stinging of the mud on open lacerations.

James Barnes screams, screams till his vision blacks out and he opens his eyes to muted cream walls. 

A monitor beeping steadily. 

His mother rests her head upon her hands against the bed he is upon. James tries reaching out his left hand to soothe the furrow between her brows.

He frowns when he doesn’t feel his arm. He looks down at the large bandages around his shoulder and torso. His right hand moves over where his left hand should be, he even lifts the blanket. Not that this would somehow be a magic trick. Or an elaborate illusion. 

The med tent doctor’s words come back to him, “It’s a dead arm.”

They had to amputate his left arm.

They took his arm. A part of him. 

The monitor beeps rapidly and his mother’s tears are an everlasting presence as the medical staff tries to calm him down. 

What is he going to do?

Who even is he anymore?

They then came in, his superiors mostly looking at the floor. Small velvet boxes in their arms.

Medals of Valour. 

The certificates he earned. 

The ranking badges.

The dog tags.

The small bag contained the memories of his family.

The Honourable Discharge from service.

All of his years of service, from the age of nineteen to twenty-six neatly packed into these small pristine boxes.

A manila folder for the Veterans Affair mandates.

A rehabilitation programme. 

A few pats on the back, and his unit’s remembrances. 

Seven years worth of his efforts neatly tucked into small boxes and pieces of paper. James would laugh, he actually could. He felt nothing. Nothing worth smiling, nothing worth crying. Emptiness. 

Home doesn’t feel like home. James wonders how much of his life had yet to be changed. The emptiness follows him. He thought it would be left at the door of the hospital. Then he thought he could leave it at the rehabilitation door. But it follows. 

“What is it, Bucky?” Winnie Barnes questions her son watching the light behind his blue eyes flicker away.

“I’m nothing, Ma.” He tells her eyes on the trees outside his room’s window. 

“You are everything.” She reminds him.

“Ma, no, nothing–, this I have nothing to add or do, or provide… How am I supposed to take care of you? Of Becca?” Bucky trails off, the implication this has upon the family. The government would only help till a limit. No matter how many lives he may have saved, or attempted to save, they only gave him shiny lapels for his clothes.

He clutches his dog tags tighter and they make small indents upon his palm.

“Bucky Barnes, what you have gone through, is an event that will have a profound impact upon your life. However, you get to choose how you get through it. If you want to find something else, something you excel at, or if you want to stay disconnected, angry at why this happened. It is not an easy road my child, but your family is there for you.With time you will learn to be there for yourself. And my sweet, sweet boy; your mother is here to take care of you. I know why you want to take care of us, but let me be a mother, your mother.” She cups his cheeks, wiping his tears and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Bucky smiles only for a moment, to appease her. Once she leaves the room he allows himself to be weak, to cry, to feel sorrow of a future he cannot have anymore. 

Who would even offer employment? 

What could he even do? 

How could he be the man of the house anymore? 

His father’s disappointment creeps at his already heavy chest. Bucky lays in his once familiar bed, he misses the ones back at base. 

Curled upon his right he sees the poster of the band he once loved in high school, he hung it himself so proud of their latest music. A fresh wave of tears take over him. The losses that defined him and the ones that he never allowed to modify his being. 

All plans to find a sweet girl to call his own, twirl in his arms, to hold, to have a future. All down the drain because who would want him now? 

Who would want a broken shell of a man? 

Bucky allows himself to cry till he cannot anymore. 

After ten months of physiotherapy he enrols into a trial for prosthetics, not keeping his hopes high. They had a rigorous selection process and the waitlist number he was given, further dulled his hope. 

Learning to live without his arm was the main goal. Basic things, cleaning himself, shaving, and wearing clothes had become huge roadblocks rather than simple activities of daily living. He got through, stood up after each tumble. Relearned how to live. 

Bucky finds solace in exercising and working out, an hour of the day that he allowed himself to process his emotions in a physical manner. It quickly becomes a respite and finding himself still strong with one arm does add to him feeling more himself. 

He also goes to therapy, Winnie watches the light return in her son’s eyes but never fully. 

She watches as he gets a job at the library, then enrols himself into night school. 

Bucky then takes a free online coding trial, realising he enjoys it. 

Learning to code with one hand takes time, he focuses on making sure he writes it correctly first before adding the symbols required. 

He learns how to code with one hand, then takes up a course. Later he joins a smaller company working on the back end of things. It’s decent money but he enjoys himself. He returns to his joking demeanour. Even joining in social media. 

He prefers watching and commenting rather than posting, most of the pictures are of him and Alpine, well more so Alpine.

He met the sweet white furball two months ago and could not leave her in the alley in that crappy box. 

She now sits in one of those huge cat towers like the queen she is meant to be.

Bucky also begins to reconnect with old high school friends namely, Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers. Both notoriously known for their antics on social media and gaming videos. 

After another year he finally is recruited for the trial, he originally signed up at Stark Industries. A pioneer programme in conjunction with MIT. Peter Parker the guy, no, the kid interning for the ever ready to have a sarcastic banter boss of his, Tony Stark. Peter presses a few things on the keyboard watching the corresponding occurrences upon the screen with a smile.

“Parker, give me some good news or I’m revoking caffeine access. Which will get your aunt to somewhat stop giving me heat for making you a caffeine addict.” Tony stands behind the kid, a pleased smile on his face.

“So Barnes, what's the first thing you’re gonna use the arm for?” Tony questions, Bucky contemplates answering.

“Probably be able to code with both hands… or probably scratch that itch on my back.” Bucky huffs out a laugh, Tony shakes his head.

“Honestly the right hand could get some rest at night then,” Stark wiggles his eyebrows and Bucky rolls his eyes.

“I thought you wanted this to be an advancement and not a sex toy.” Bucky reiterates from a previous seminar they had made mandatory for the participants.

“Paying attention, well done.” Tony taps his nose.

“Alright, Mr. Barnes, please lift a finger.” Peter requests, all three hold their breath as the metal fingers do nothing. Staying open. Bucky huffs, flicking his wrist in dismissal of the idea.

Tony gasps overjoyed.

Bucky then looks at the hand, the left hand. The one he moved, he flexes his elbow, it happens. He looks at the two researchers. Gratitude brimming over in tears. Tony wipes his own tears and Peter sniffles.

“Okay, okay he qualifies for phase two. We have to calibrate so it works and responds to you. It will be a detachable prosthetic since the charging is an issue, I’m trying to solve it with a lighter battery. Once I find that it will be a permanent one.” Tony and Peter begin rambling and Bucky only follows the lines of coding on the screen trying to make sense of it. He understands the script and the way it's written to function. 

That is how the next  few months go, learning, calibrating, coding, battery tests. 

A repeat of Physical Therapy adapting to doing activities with both arms again. 

Peter struggles one day with the encoding. Stark went for some gala, to secure grants and fundings. Bucky realised early on the man never stopped, a plethora of ideas swirling in his head. 

“Can I take a look?” Bucky questions and Peter gives him a curious look then it dawns that he can code too. 

“Yes, please end my misery.” Peter turns the laptop and Bucky hovers both of his hands over the laptop. For a moment he hesitates only by re-reading the lines written. The problem was transition movements during compound movements, jerks constantly which prevented smooth motions. 

Coding with both hands was newer, he had practised in the facility, since the arm was yet not his, Stark said something about the Princess of Wakanda having to sign off on the distribution to those patients who could not afford it. Since the metal sourcing was from their country.

Though Bucky had been given several assurances he was a shoe-in for the arm. He still hesitated getting attached and fully dependent.

So he took away the metal arm and worked on the code with his right, then showed it to Peter, for approval. 

Peter then put the lines into the simulator and they waited for five minutes before Peter asked Bucky to repeat the problematic movements. 

No jerks, clean movements.

“You genius.” Peter praises him, Bucky finds his smile turn shy at the praise still not used to appreciation.

“I’m going to tell, Mr. Stark.” Peter gleefully announces.

“Take the win, Parker.” Bucky tells him he doesn’t want trouble for the young intern.

“Nah, you will get credit and I could honestly use the help with another coder on board. Plus, even though its biomechanics plus coding I could handle that part easier. We also might be getting another intern on board, they just finished their degree earlier in exercise science with another in kinesiology.” 

That is how Bucky finds himself standing with Alpine in the cat backpack, a suitcase and one cardboard box in front of the apartment building that had his two best friends, in New York City with a generous job offer from Tony Stark. 

Winnie stands next to him, her eyes lingering for only a moment on the arm, knowing her son was whole even without it. She had reminded him, incase the whole keeping arm thing never went through. 

“You will visit often.” She says setting down the small set of crockery into the kitchen. 

Bucky wants to laugh knowing her tone is not that of a request but of a command.

“I will, Ma.” He assures her, enveloping her in a hug.

“We’ll make sure he does, Mrs. Barnes.” Steve assures her, her eyes on him now.

“I should hope so since the two of you should be joining him.” She uses the same tone and Bucky gets a kick out of his friends fearing his sweet little mother.

“Oh now, you know I won’t give up any chance to see the prettiest of the Barnes.” Sam winks at Winnie and Bucky gives him a glare. 

He settles in, as does Alpine making a home near the windows that allow sunlight to hit right at her pillow. Bucky even caved in and bought the suction cup cat hammock for her but she refuses to climb on it. Even with treats as a bargaining chip. 

It is a few days later that Bucky’s phone chimes. He looks away from the screen briefly.

Steve Rogers has tagged you in a comment.

@.bbarnes are you ready for the new episode? If I have to sit through the hot daga again, I am warning you.

Bucky wants to laugh, they had recently begun watching Buzzfeed Unsolved with Ryan Bergara and Shane Madej. It is an enjoyable series and Bucky was always a firm believer in the paranormal. A Boogara if anyone would ask him. So Steve had a bit of an issue with one of the segments of the ‘Post Mortem’ episodes but Bucky loved every bit of it. These two hosts made him laugh and also shed light on cases and haunted places. 

@.captainrogers the hot daga is an ingenious creation, gripping storyline, music, great animation. Stop being unappreciative of art. I will report you to the authorities.

Bucky chuckles, setting his phone back down. It was enough of an issue with Steve and Sam being on opposing ends of the paranormal believing spectrum.

Just as he was returning to his work, the phone chimes again.

@.watchingthemoonlight replied to your comment

@.bbarnes honestly i agree with you, also what authorities are you contacting I need to snitch on my bestfriend too.

Bucky has a wry smile, no one has ever responded to his comments, let alone interacted unless it was a woman sliding into his DMs which hardly was for prolonged conversations. Curiosity brims over and he clicks the profile,

Y/N 

Bio: more caffeine, less stress-eine. a proud hufflepuff 

Private Account 

Request to Follow

The picture is of you looking to the side sipping on a beverage. He notices the way your skin is flushed. The small round picture can provide him with little indication of who you are. 

Bucky goes back to your comment, pressing reply, something about your unknown profile drawing him in.

Your phone chimes, though it’s late at night and you know your best friend has slept, you look away from the powerpoint about the topic which is going to be in the exam tomorrow morning.

@.bbarnes replied to your comment.

@.watchingthemoonlight never knew a hufflepuff could be a narc.

You narrow your eyes, an amused huff leaving past your lips, oh he thinks he’s smart. Making a comment based on stalking your profile.

You click on his username. Two could play this game. 

James Barnes

Bio: This account may bear my name but it’s just an Alpine fan account. Cat dad.

The profile is open, not too many followers, he is handsome, there is a picture of him you find adorable. Mostly because of the cat, Alpine you assume, is nuzzling her nose against his and both of them are smiling.

Not many solo pictures, a few with friends and one where he’s making a silly face and you find that his blue eyes are beautiful. 

You return to the comment, typing away and not really expecting a response.

But when your phone chimes off within a minute you find yourself eager,

One text message: 

From: Cable Service Provider

This is a reminder that there will be a downtime in your cable service will be affected from 11:00 till 14:00 p.m. Inconvenience is regretted.

You frown, setting the phone back. Then look back at the abandoned exam topic.

Bucky’s lips twitch as he reads the notification, then a smile when he reads the reply.

@.watchingthemoonlight replied to you.

@.bbarnes what would Alpine think of her father? He forgot Hufflepuffs are the most loyal. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. #alpinesupremacy 

Before he can respond he gets a text from Peter about an impromptu video call meeting with Tony and Shuri, he checks the time 4 p.m. maybe he could reply to you after the meeting.

“There he is!” Tony beams, waving at Bucky as they wait for everyone to join in.

“Hey there Tony!” Bucky waves back, they repeat the greetings as Peter joins and then Miriyam joins and finally Shuri.

“These are my favourite people!” She beams at the two interns.

“Here I thought I was your favourite.” Tony says with feigned offence.

“Oh come on now, you know I adore your work Mr. Stark.” Shuri holds back a laugh at the way she has worded the sentence.

“But not me.” Tony pouts, Morgan clambers up his lap, waving shyly at the screen.

“Hey there Maguna.” Bucky greets her.

“Hi Bucky!” She beams.

“Whatcha doing?” He asks as everyone coos at the sweet child.

“In a meeting with dad.” She says sweetly, “I’m taking the notes. Problem solve.”

“You’re gonna help us solve the problem? That is awesome.” Bucky praises and she giggles.

“Still offended, only she is allowed to call you Bucky.” Peter adds, “I’m a cute kid too.” 

“Hey only my best girls are allowed to call me that. My Ma made the rule.” He raises his hands in defence.

Shuri laughs as Morgan scrunches her nose taking notes and when asked to show what she had this far, it was a drawing of stick people in boxes on the computer screen.

That earned Morgan more adoration and Tony made sure to have copies made to send to all of them. After all, it was a Morgan original.

Another hour later you decide to leave the exam to the gods of luck. Your phone holds no other notifications, setting your alarm and three back ups, and then settle into bed. 

Just as your eyes close to allow slumber to take over; the phone vibrates twice. 

@.bbarnes replied to your comment:

@.watchingthemoonlight you’re right she is looking displeased. As a fellow hufflepuff (and narc) I apologise. #alpinealreadylikesyou

second notification:

@.bbarnes sent you a follow request

/accept/             or                    /decline/

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[lemon-dokuro]

Music talk again. I haven't had much time to draw, but a lot of time to listen to all sorts of music. This time, it's a horror song lyrically, and the video is a little creepy.

Tsugihagi Sandoku! Might be my favourite work by Machigerita, especially in terms of lyrics. Even the music video, though pretty simple, is very aesthetically fitting. Though I love all of his darker, more visual-kei inspired songs. He's surprisingly versatile as a composer, but this kind of style is his strongest suit. Or was, rather. He hasn't made such songs, or any original songs, or any songs at all, or even posted anything online in ages now. I hope he's doing alright! His stuff is very nostalgic for me, because I, like a lot of anime-loving kids, used to scare myself with creepy vocaloid songs, and he's made, like, a lot of those, to the point that it's surprising. I had a lot of "Wait, he did that too?" moments going through his discograpy. But apart from that, he just seems like a nice man. So I really hope he's alright.

Lyrics discussion below — if anyone even cares. I know that nobody reads my music posts (lol), but still, a customary content warning for murder, death, cannibalism and child abuse mentions. Though they're presented in a horror story way, not in a real life tragedy way.

Firstly, if you don't know japanese (and even care), you can use the translation by pricechecktranslations on their tumblr. It's a good one.

Anyway. This is somewhat common for Machige, but the lyrics are rather vague and don't have a clear story. And that's a good thing, it's a very good move for horror specifically. Another work of his, "Okaasan", is rather scary because it doesn't tell you much and just gives you an image of something bizzare, threatening and fast-approaching. Though Tsugihagi Sandoku is a bit different, since there's no immediate threat presented to the listener, just a sad and slightly bizzare image, so it's more disturbing than outright scary. Really, the only actually outwardly horror-ey thing is the girl's last mentioned meal. However, I kind of dislike the intended (or at least commonly accepted, but from what I know about the official novel, it really is intended) story behind the lyrics. You know... How it's about a girl who's neglected by her mother, whose only friend is her doll. How she's so lonely that she begins to hallucinate the doll telling her to kill her mother, and how she does that. And eats her also. It's just... Very silly and whimsical, if you ask me. The whole "voices telling a loner to kill whoever wronged them" thing is so stereotypical for the horror genre. At least the presentation's stylish, elegant and rather vague. It's better this way. "Nothing is scarier" and all. It might've been a fantasy and all. I like that kind of phantasmagorical lonely horror feeling. It's like the girl is slowly going insane because she feels so alone and unloved.

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 349

So a long while ago, I bought a Hidden Object game called Season of Mystery. I had bought it for one reason, it was published by Square Enix, and I wanted to know what a hidden object game published by them was like, it helped that it was under 2 dollars.

Which was a good thing, because I didn’t check when that game was made (2010). If you’re not familiar with the Hidden Object game genre, it is, what the genre says on the tin, you find hidden objects. Often today, these type of games are mystery games with a story plot and have a lot in common with point and click adventure games. I like these kinds of games because I grew up on them, and I can finish them in a day. I can’t promise the narrative is always good, but most of the time it’s not awful. I would actually recommend them to people who have never played video games and are my mother’s demographic.

So why am I talking about a game that was made in 2010? Because I forgot Hidden Object games when they were first designed were very different and objectively harder than the Hidden Object games made today. Now to be clear, I am considered old in some circles; I was a child of the 90s.

And as a child of the 90s, I grew up on Highlight magazines, back when getting a magazine subscription was still very popular. It was a very popular children’s magazine that my mother had a subscription for. It was great! It had stories, puzzles, little arts and crafts and it would keep me out of her hair for like an hour… maybe…

It was very hard to use books to keep me busy because I would burn through them so quickly as a child. 

Anyways, one of the consistent pages in a Highlights magazine was a page called Hidden Pictures, and like Hidden Objects, you had to find the object. Now, you can actually look this up, Highlights still exist, and they actually now sell books just full of these Hidden Pictures. The way Hidden Pictures worked was that the artist drew a scene, and then hid within it, more drawings disguised as other things. 

Another similar thing to this are the I Spy books which make a scene out of a lot of little objects and then you can go look for all those objects. 

Both of these inspired the Hidden Object genre, and the first games that came out were designed like that. They were often pictures that were imposed, stretched or hidden into a main scene and that was because they were probably very heavily influenced by those types of puzzles. It was also boosted by the fact that the first Hidden Object games could take stock images and put them into the game itself since it was just hiding an image within an image. This made developing them cheaper in the long run.

The fact that the games were designed like old fashion page puzzles using realistic images made the older Hidden Object games much harder to find things in. I forgot that, that was the reason why I had a harder time with old Hidden Object games.

At some point, probably because the market for Hidden Object games was becoming very saturated by mid-2010, the developers of those types of games began to draw everything by hand. It sounds counter intuitive because that would have raised production costs, but it made the games more visually appealing. I suppose since they had to draw it all out themselves, they decided they might as well make scenes that visually made sense. So objects no longer were being hidden, pretending to be another object, but rather the scenes were designed more like I Spy books and just full of a lot of things. Like a pantry full of food, or a junk drawer.

But yea, that’s a weird change to Hidden Object games that had passed through my brain while trying to play (and giving up) on a very old Hidden Object game.

[hypers-of-music]

“Яitual”: A Transition

Arca’s most recent single, titled “Яitual”, dropped on Apr 24th, 2023. The song has many of the traditional Arca features, but is similar to "Altar" because of its extreme sonic distortions. The sounds are slightly less discernable, much more muddled than the majority of her songs and is generally harder to follow--as is "Altar". The lyrics are also on the unprecedented "side" (for Arca) because of its emphasis on the female figure, specifically the waist, “Her waist is snatched/her waistline It's in your figure.” This is really one of the only discernible lines from the song, as the majority of it are ad-libs and repetition, ultimately making it quite difficult to understand its content when contextualizing it with the rest of her discography.   

Unlike her music videos for Prada/Rakata, the aesthetics of this video are much more muted. There is still a clear integration of the post-humanism, however rather than creating an alternative universe and population, “Яitual” is just Arca. In this video she dances in numerous rooms and spaces, but all of which are solely occupied by the image of her on cyborg, mechanical legs. I think this song is sort’ve coming off as a transition period or song for Arca, possibly attempting to now move away from her KICK series and begin a new project.

This would begin to explain why we see the same themes in both the lyrics and visuals for the song, but both being very muted versions of them. There’s not as much color, posthumanism, technology, and generally not as many lyrics! Overall though, I’m excited to see how Arca will tackle entering the next phase of her music career.  

[sjjnyc]

Embodiment and Power: Asia Dorsey's Winter Herbal Immersion

In 2022 I was researching mermaids off and on while writing two fictional short stories about mermaids; Wild Sun Catchers and Naomi. Fast forward to the Spring of 2023, I unexpectedly had the idea pop in my head to organize a merfolk happening that would coincide with the release of "The Little Mermaid" starring Halle Bailey and other amazing actors. Luckily people were interested in participating and everyone's contributions were amazing!

The Little Mermaid premiered in mid-May and I wish I could have seen it at the movie theater on Court Street in Brooklyn, but I saw it at a local theater in Gilbert, Arizona. A desert mermaid going to see and support some of her kinfolk on the big screen. It's amazing how this one film generated even more conversations, projects and visual representations of Black mermaids.

Shout out to the merfolk imagery that existed before the "Little Mermaid" release, like Bianca Barclay (who also happened to grow up on Staten Island) bringing mermaids to life in Netflix' "Wednesday".

Note* These images do not represent the various environments mermaids can be found in. I'm still waiting to find images and video of swamp, marshland and mangrove merfolk! #WetlandsAreLife

Photo Description: From Top to Bottom - a house with a short dock in a Louisiana swamp, marshlands in the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and an image of Mangroves.

A strong presence of mermaids has been in my life for two years now. I feel that not only is this happening in my life and expanding and deepening my identity, but on a collective level, mermaids have come into the collective consciousness (in 2023 specifically) in such a big way, it makes me think, knowing how the ocean and the cosmos reflect and are in conversation with each other, there is something going on in the stars related to mer-creatures.

It's mid-August now and I just finished watching a new Netflix TV series that, what do you know, has a mermaid character and symbolism in it. Right then and there it hit me while watching this tv show that the mermaid spirit(s) is with me for the rest of my life.

I'm grateful that I could participate in Asia Dorsey Winter Herbal Immersion, which was chock full of information on living a lifestyle of nourishment, with a special emphasis on supporting the kidneys. Later on, she would participate in Water School's Open Residency offering a workshop called "Interview with the Mermaid". The experience was like how we might imagine encountering a mermaid; she was there for a clear moment, and then she was gone. All I can say is, if Asia ever does this again, I would join in a heartbeat.

During the immersion we got to choose from a short list of herbs one we wanted to work with during our time together (and beyond). I wanted to work with Oat straw, but what was available to me at that time was Nettles (also on the list), because it just so happened that my AirBnB host (thank you river!) gifted me a large mason jar of Nettles. It would be a few months later when I finally started gaining a grasp on establishing a consistent herbal routine, coming into my power day by day.

The spirit of the water element in the kidneys

I learned a lot, and I really recommend you take the winter immersion the next time Asia does it. The first thing I noticed about the course is how it brought our attention to the kidneys, and this organ's connection to water, winter, the ocean and mermaids. We learned about the kidneys through various lenses, particularly Traditional Chinese Medicine, so when I continued researching the kidneys through this healing tradition, I learned that the kidneys are: where our life force and genetic inheritance are stored, play a role in memory ( I don't have a great memory so I think my Kidney Essence needs support), are the home to Zhi, the spirit of the Water element. This excerpt from the article really got me:

"Zhi, the spirit of the Water element, is housed in the kidneys. It is known as one’s Will power, ambition, purpose, and destiny. Zhi is a force that allows a person to move along their destined path without much conscious thought or effort. And, it’s thought to be the innate power of life itself – life that wants to live, strives to stay alive and survive".

Endless gratitude to Traditional Chinese Medicine practioners, your ancestors and the legacy of your healing traditions which help other cultures learn more about the body.

I'm African-American with Ghanaian heritage, how can I learn about the kidneys within my own cultural context? I'm not 100% sure, but I think throughout the course Asia was connecting Mami Wata to the kidneys, and I'm thinking now, how even if there isn't a lot of cultural literature or media about African-American healing practices specifically about the kidneys (peep the emergence and rise in visibility of Black water workers), we can CREATE our own cultural connections between the kidneys, water and whatever else, we can CREATE culture. Does this make sense? I think this is what Asia is doing.

Sometimes people in the U.S. and around the world think that African-Americans (with layered identities) have no culture or are culturally disconnected and poor, when the reality is that we have rich cultures (plural, because Black culture in the US is similar across the board but different based on what part of the country you are in), and like other cultures, we create from our deep individual and collective wellsprings.

Black folks and kidneys . . . let's talk about it.

Nourishing foods for the kidneys, aka nourishing foods for merfolk during the winter season

Photo description: I found a random photo and recipe of a pot of bone broth with onions, carrots and other vegetables.

I'm still processing what we learned during the course, but one section that really stuck out to me was the foods and tonics we can eat that support our kidneys, some of which come from the ocean. I was excited to learn that I was already, unknowingly, eating kidney foods like dried seaweed snacks, berries, yogurt (although I eat a cashew alternative) kale, salmon, (salt and chocolate covered roasted) almonds, sardines and now nettles. Now I want to eat nourishing kidney foods more intentionally, and start incorporating foods I don't ingest a lot, like bone broth, oysters and black beans.

Out of all the places in my body I'm interested in exploring and being called to pay attention to, I don't think I would have ever looked more deeply into the kidneys until taking this immersion. The kidneys have been trying to get my attention for some time now; I just didn't know the signs were connected to my kidneys. It feels overwhelming sometimes how much attention and awareness the body needs. I took this course when I visited Albuquerque, New Mexico. My AirBnB host invited me to a group gathering where we walked to the Rio Grande. I spoke to the organizer along the way who told me her life's work is to be embodied, and that has stayed with me.

PROMPT: Go check out Asia's website! What sparks your curiosity?

[sheetmusiclibrarypdf]

Relax and Reflect - A Fading Summer's Eve - FINAL FANTASY XV (sheet music, 楽譜)

Relax and Reflect - A Fading Summer's Eve - FINAL FANTASY XV with sheet music, 楽譜

https://vimeo.com/491973640

Final Fantasy XV music

Final Fantasy XV: Original Soundtrack is mainly composed by Yoko Shimomura, who is known for her involvement with the Kingdom Hearts series. Shimomura was responsible for at least 80% of the soundtrack; the rest of the pieces are variations of her compositions that were handled by other people. Yoshitaka Suzuki worked as composer/arranger, and Shota Nakama worked as composer/arranger/orchestrator. Shota runs a group called Video Game Orchestra (VGO) that does rock symphonic concerts and operates in the recording industry. VGO was contracted to work for Final Fantasy XV, and Shota conducted all recording sessions and contracted the orchestras and the choirs. Every line ensemble was through VGO, and Shota's team mixed it as well. This is the first time a Final Fantasy game uses a North American orchestra. Suzuki worked on the game for one year, on and off, and did have a crunch time. In total, he did around twenty-five pieces. At the same time, he was also composing for the movie, Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV. Nakama started working on the game in 2014, and worked on the trailers. Some themes featured on Final Fantasy XV: Original Soundtrack aim to encompass "friendship" and "filial bonds." Shimomura tried many different methods, discussed with directors to share the world view, looked at images for inspiration, and read and took in the story to be inspired. The way Suzuki composed for the game was to get many gameplay videos. He imported them to his software, and then composed to the video as if he was in the game as a player. The sadness for the compositions thus came intuitively. Visually, he realized what was happening in the game, seeing it from two different points of view—composer and player—and tried to incorporate whatever emotion he was experiencing into it. Suzuki has cited his experience with composing for the Metal Gear series as an advantage when he composed music for the base infiltration scenes in Final Fantasy XV. Final Fantasy has such a long legacy, and the composers valued its spirit, and thus would throw in the "Prelude" (such as in "Hellfire"), and put in little fragments of the previous melodies and motifs. Yoko Shimomura was working on Final Fantasy XV: Original Soundtrack even when Final Fantasy XV was still known as Final Fantasy Versus XIII. Since the game was not originally part of the main Final Fantasy series, Shimomura felt she did not need to worry about following in other Final Fantasy composers' footsteps. By the time Final Fantasy XV was announced, Shimomura had already developed a clear concept of how she could continue on her initial path. The rebranding of Final Fantasy Versus XIII necessitated new music. Sho Iwamoto, audio programmer at Square Enix, talked at Game Developers' Conference 2017 how music is incorporated into Final Fantasy XV. He designed and implemented an interactive music system, as there was a worry making the music interactive would distort the music or not make it memorable. According to Iwamoto, Final Fantasy music is known for being epic, memorable, to have a strong melody line, and to be one of the selling points of the series. The aim was to have seamless transitions while not losing "epicness". The goal was not to avoid repeating the same music, but to enhance the player's emotional experience by playing applicable music that would suit the situation. For example, when riding a chocobo, the music picks up pace when the bird trots. The music also changes when the chance to summon appears and when the player summons, and during set piece boss battles, to reflect what is happening, such as the music fading into a dramatic finish just as the boss dies. In outposts like Hammerhead and at Galdin Quay, the background music seamlessly changes when the player steps into the restaurant. The transition time for the chocobo music is set longer so that the music would not change every time the player must slow down to avoid a tree or to turn. Release The album was released on December 21, 2016. The basic soundtrack was released on 4 standard CDs and on Blu-ray, which includes the music, movie data, and active internet support. A limited edition version was also released. It contained the Blu-ray soundtrack with two bonus videos, a CD with select song arrangements, and a "Special Music Collection" Blu-ray with select tracks from all numbered Final Fantasy titles, Dissidia and Dissidia 012, Type-0, Justice Monsters Five, and Kingsglaive. Read the full article

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week 10 /11

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGyEd0aKWZEmusic vedio análisis

The music video for Ellie Goulding's "Burn" can be categorized as both conceptual and slightly narrative, as it follows a storyline and does not feature any clear performance aspects. The desired feel and atmosphere for the audience is achieved through the use of shots and mise-en-scene. The video appeals to the younger generation, particularly those aged 16-25, which is Ellie Goulding's own age bracket. The scenes and actions depicted in the video do not appear forced, as they reflect how young people behave when having fun and going to parties. Both genders are represented in the video through their clothing, actions, and connections with the viewers. Therefore, the video can be enjoyed by both males and females, not just because Ellie Goulding is a female artist. In conclusion, the "Burn" music video successfully targets its audience by featuring relatable activities that viewers can aspire to or have experienced themselves.

These images captured in the first ten seconds of the music video serve as establishing shots, allowing the audience to gain an understanding of the location and setting. Referred to as wide shots, they show different sections of a field with crops, suggesting the time period to be either sunrise or sunset due to the low positioning of the sun in the clear sky, which creates striking visual effects. As the video progresses, the time of day will become clearer. In one clip, Ellie Goulding is briefly introduced with a wide shot, where she faces away from the camera with her arms outstretched. The camera's perspective during these initial ten seconds appears to be at ground level, or the perception of objects has been intentionally altered to make them appear closer than they are.

Following the initial establishing shots, the music video progresses to fully introduce Ellie Goulding as the artist. She begins lip syncing as the music picks up, with a range of camera angles used to capture her performance. These angles include close-ups, long shots, and wide shots positioned slightly higher. As she walks towards the camera, a short walking subject shot is used to show that she is still in close proximity to the original location, with the sun still shining and the space remaining open. While lip syncing, Ellie makes direct eye contact with the camera, forming a connection with the audience and evoking certain emotions. Her casual outfit, typical of a teenager, consists of all-black clothing, including shorts, a top, a hoodie, and trainers. While following the conventions of pop videos to some extent, her outfit's coloring is not as bright and fun as typically seen. Ellie wears a statement gold necklace, adding a feminine touch to her outfit. Her makeup and hair styling are kept minimal and natural-looking, as seen in the screen grabs above. Overall, these details connect the song to the target audience, making it more relatable.The above images depict the lead-up to the chorus and the chorus of the song "Burn" by Ellie Goulding. The first image is a wide shot that shows a change in time as it is now dark, with only car headlights and stream lights providing illumination. In the shot, Ellie is dancing and spinning happily, indicating what is yet to come. The subsequent shots continue to show Ellie dancing and lip-syncing during the up-tempo chorus, while the group of individuals runs instead of walking, with a tilt shot capturing their feet.The next set of shots are contrasting as they switch from night shots of Ellie dancing to medium and long shots of her lip-syncing and dancing in a field. These shots have varying angles and a slower editing pace that matches the beats and lyrics. The group of individuals also moves into the night, with wide shots fitting all of them into one frame. When the lyrics repeat themselves, the group reaches Ellie's location, and they start dancing like it's a party, with fast-paced cuts between the dancing scenes and Ellie's lip-syncing.There is a change of scene again, and it's light out as the extras are seen running down a hill. The remaining shots consist of close-ups, wide shots, and high-angle shots, with Ellie in a white outfit, symbolizing innocence and purity, and surrounded by white lights. Sparklers and flares add to the party atmosphere in another shot, while the last shot of the music video depicts a pattern created with small lights, possibly symbolizing the song or Ellie herself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGyEd0aKWZE

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I’ve watched the original video, I’ve watched the original video on mute, I’ve listened to the song without the video, and I’ve watched a performance version, and it still isn’t coming together for me. To be clear: I’d much rather Soyeon swing and miss than not be allowed to swing at all. But given the herky-jerky, not terribly appealing nature of the music, this is a song that’s going to live and die on the strength of its ideas, and the ideas don’t come across enough.

There’s been a lot of chatter about Soyeon’s use of English, though I don’t think that’s actually the problem, with one exception--I think “think outside the box” coming in the first line sets her up for failure. It’s not awkward; it’s not misused; it ties in easily to the image of a boxed-up Soyeon coming later in the video. But that particular phrase is so tied (in American English, at least) to vapid corporatespeak that it becomes distracting. If Soyeon had stuck it later in her verses, in context, it would’ve had more punch.

I think the problem actually lies with the concept and the visual ideas. There’s clearly some Marilyn Monroe inspiration going on here, and invocations of mid-century burlesque, and old-school, Veronica-Lake-esque glamour, and also nods to Madonna in Minnie’s Material Girl sequence and Soyeon’s cone bra. On top of all this there’s the woman as art, as statue, as Shuhua, Yuqi, and Soyeon are all at separate points on a pedestal surrounded by blank-faced, menacing onlookers. But that’s a lot of separate points of female objectification through Hollywood! We have Marilyn Monroe as the victim of the “sexy sexy” role, but Madonna’s whole invocation of Marilyn was to create a character who wasn’t a victim, who knew exactly what she was doing. (I had forgotten completely the storyline of the “Material Girl” video, in which Madonna rejects younger suitors to make out with the unpretentious older guy... who happens to be a big-shot movie producer.) Meanwhile we remember, if maybe not entirely accurately, the burlesque dancer as having gained in autonomy what she lacked in fame and fortune: she got to decide what she took off, when. To complain about being pressured into being, or punished for being, “nude” while wearing burlesque outfits is to muddle the question of agency, which is already muddled enough for a self-producing female group in the Korean idol industry. During the second chorus the members of (G)I-DLE dance while the set catches fire around them, as if they’re laying waste to this circuit of objectification--but they’re still dancing sensuously and in sync while wearing thigh-highs; if you just saw that shot you could just as easily conclude that they set the set on fire by sheer force of hotness.

I’ll admit to a bias here: taking five Asian women and making them all matchy-matchy blond and pale makes my skin crawl. (And yes, I did, in fact, have the same problem with “Ice Cream Cake.”) I don’t know how you simultaneously revel in Hollywood glamour and complain about how limiting and dehumanizing it is. Yes, they look great, but either we’re supposed to say “They look great” or think outside the box; which is it?

[oxplant3]

The Very Best Scary Movies of Perpetuity

You've probably become aware of the genre, however what are the best scary movies? Here are night of the living dead that have actually influenced scary movies. Psycho, The Thing, Genetic, Alien, and Torment are among the best. You may want to check them out if you have not. If you're new to scary films, you might be curious about the history and category of these movies. There are many terrific scary films that you may find yourself getting lost in the category! Psycho A psycho horror motion picture is one that challenges the audience's capability to compare truth and fiction. These films frequently feature supernatural and fear-inducing creatures, totalitarian authorities, and puppets with working minds. Oftentimes, the movie's ending is unexpected, and the audience might find it challenging to analyze the storyline. Nevertheless, psychological scary films can also check out crucial societal concerns. Here are some examples of psycho scary films: The very first Psycho movie, from 1959, is based upon the novel by Robert Bloch. The novel depicts the perverted and twisted side of the man next door. This makes Norman Bates among the 10 most popular psychopaths in movie history. The movie also inspired a series of follows up. While there are some creepy moments in Psycho, none are especially memorable. One scene, in particular, is a traditional in horror movie theater, however there are some areas of the film that should have further study. Another key scene in Psycho is the iconic shower scene. This sequence equates the anxiety an audience feels at a violent disruption into cinematic language. As such, it is essential to keep in mind that Hitchcock uses ninety breaks in 45 seconds to create a scene that is both eerie and frightening. This subversion of visual grammar, in addition to its narrative implications, is maybe Psycho's crucial contribution to cinema. Its impact on movie theater is undeniable. The important things The Thing is an extraterrestrial shapeshifter. In this 2011 horror movie, the titular animal can take the type of people and other creatures. In fact, the title translates to "shapeshifter." It is the type of beast you might get out of a motion picture based upon the initial book. In this film, John Carpenter weaves classic styles from both genres into one frightening story. The Thing is a great example of a beast from scary movie history. The Thing is among Carpenter's earliest films, and was made before CGI was common. Hawks and Nyby's original film was an early example of this type of cinematography, and it was just with the release of home video and cable television service that the film was valued for what it was. This film embodies the terrifying forces of nature and is a satire of modern society. The Thing's presence exemplifies the existential dread of guy and humankind, however it does not always make its intentions clear. It's a complex, unknowable entity that can damage humankind if it chooses to. The important things's dark score by Ennio Morricone is another reason this movie remains one of the best-known scary movies. Regardless of the absence of female characters, the cast of The Thing is quite interesting and includes an intense realism to each performance. And despite the fact that the film's ending was controversial, it still remains an outstanding horror movie. It is among the few that does not include a female protagonist. Hereditary Hereditary is a traumatic new horror movie that builds on the horror movies of the past while crossing a variety of lines. It draws motivation from timeless horror motion pictures and recent flicks like Poltergeist, however its director, Ari Aster, does not waste time mentioning his impacts. Instead, he goes into the spooky details and draws back the electronic camera to present a cathedral-like image. The movie opens with a destructive disaster: the death of Annie's cherished matriarch. Annie's guilt over the loss of her mother is deep. She attempts to get in touch with the dead, but to no avail. She then takes part in a desperate seance with the ghost of Ann Dowd, a mysterious, deranged woman who is consumed with the household. As the traumatic problem unfolds, Annie's psyche is consumed by regret and misery. Hereditary is one of the most disturbing horror films of recent years. In spite of its lack of dive frightens, it manages to preserve a scary environment throughout. While the film may include a couple of scenes of gore, its storyline is very complicated and scary. You'll feel entirely awful throughout the movie. However, you'll also enjoy the motion picture's surprisingly uplifting ending. Alien Practically everyone has their favorite genres, and Alien is no exception. This 1979 sci-fi movie combines both science fiction and horror to create a twisted, unnerving experience. The movie starred Sigourney Weaver, who was then just 29 years of ages, and Tom Skerritt, who played Captain Dallas. The film also stars John Hurt and Ian Holm. John Hurt was 39 years old when he starred in the movie. The Xenomorph, an arachnid-like space creature, was motivated by human fears of being ripped apart and immolated. Despite the movie being embeded in area, the aliens simulate the imagery of wasps, which lay their eggs in their victim and appear once they have actually gestated. In fact, the first Alien victim is male, which plays on manly fears of rape. The aliens' existence also indicates unwanted pregnancy in ladies. When it comes to the follows up to Alien, The Thing and Signs share the very same underlying storyline. Both films include ensemble casts and a lovecraftian scary setting. While the movie is a bit similar to the original movie, it's much darker. Both films include Scarlett Johansson as an alien, and both films have troubling scenes. If you're searching for a brand-new horror film, ensure to check out these 5 movies. The Birds A real-life event is the motivation for the Birds scary movie. In 1961, a toxin in anchovies and squid poisoned countless seagulls, including many that attacked humans. In this movie, a real-life incident proves the efficiency of The Birds' toxic substance. However how do the birds eliminate people? Whether the birds are killed by their own claws or by pecking at individuals's windows or doors, the bird attacks are enough to send out shivers down any audience's spinal column. In The Birds, Alfred Hitchcock describes a comparable event in Monterey Bay as the inspiration for the film. Seabirds were wrecked by a contaminant brought on by algae in their diets, causing them to lose their memory, suffer seizures, and crash into homes. The humans were stunned since these birds were a threat and they were triggering damage to individuals and animals. They were at threat of termination, and the motion picture uses this reality as a plot hook. A real-life incident inspired the Birds film. The Birds is loosely based upon a short story by Daphne du Maurier released in 1952. The film has actually influenced many catastrophe movies based upon "revenge of nature" catastrophes. In the film, Melanie Daniels, a young San Francisco socialite, follows a lawyer called Mitch Brenner to Bodega Bay. She meets Brenner in the bird shop, however prior to she can return home she is attacked by a seagull. Hitchcock's Psycho Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho is among his most popular films It's based on a 1959 book by Robert Bloch, and is among the most awesome thrillers of all time. Alfred Hitchcock meant ball game to be jazzy, however instead hired a string orchestra, and the result was among the greatest movie scores in history. The film's renowned piece of music, "The Murder," has actually ended up being a traditional piece of movie music, as does the broad psychology of murder and the Oedipus complex. Hitchcock's film had a complicated production history. Although Paramount executives initially balked at the film's subject matter, they backed the director's vision and financed the movie with his own cash, and eventually consented to disperse the movie for a percentage of its gross. While Hitchcock had been dissatisfied by the results, the motion picture became one of Hitchcock's most popular movies, and he is credited with rewriting cinematic history. While Psycho was a business success, it likewise broke many of Hollywood's rules. Hitchcock flouted the Production Code, which prohibited nudity, sex, or violence on the screen. For example, the "shower scene" is one example of this censor-defying. The filmmaker never reveals a knife cutting flesh, and instead uses liberal doses of thriller, shrieking violins, and other non-traditional approaches. Slasher movies. Slasher movies have a rich history, going back to the '50s. These films feature photogenic young adults or teens who are cut off from civilization and aid. These films usually start with a female victim's ruthless murder, and end with a female survivor. The film category has also been influenced by other categories, consisting of giallo films, which became popular in the '60s. The slasher subgenre of scary films is anchored by a few noteworthy examples. The most well-known one is Senior prom Night (1980 ), which stars Jamie Lee Curtis. While this movie treads the ground of cliches better than others, it still uses adequate character development and decent chase and death sequences. The film was met with high expectations when it first came out, and a lot of critics deemed it a dissatisfaction. The popularity of slasher movies has subsided for many years, and filmmakers are now seeking brand-new ways to terrify audiences. Critics of these movies have actually argued that they rely too greatly on gore, nudity, and graphic violence. Filmmakers have pertained to understand that a great horror film need to not be overly graphic. This is why the structure of the movie is essential, and structure suspense and stress is important to an excellent horror motion picture.