#also trying to be consistent with that name

[starcurtain]

Time, Erudition, and Destruction

I've written before about how time in Amphoreus is essentially a jumbled mess, and playing 3.4 makes me even more convinced that this is entirely intentional--between Khaslana and Trailblazer literally time traveling, cycles happening upon cycles, time's progress being actively "regressed," and Cyrene (the representative of Time) being forcibly removed from the equation, it's little wonder that "time" in Amphoreus seems to be essentially collapsing on itself, completely malleable to the manipulations, memories, and reductions of those pulling the strings of the story's plot.

According to Cyrene, "time" is directly linked to the aeon of Remembrance, and therefore memory is inextricably linked to the passage of time in Amphoreus's story--making both central to the deepest remaining mysteries of Amphoreus's plot.

So, I wanted to take a bit to try to shuffle out my thoughts on where the plot is currently and where it may be going. This is almost all speculation, so take it with a grain of salt, but here's a bit of deeper dive on what I think 3.4 is laying out for us:

First, the issue of Amphoreus's time itself: There's still confusion about which cycles some events are taking place in, and major events are intentionally being shown to us out of chronological order. For example, when the Trailblazer appears in Aedes Elysiae as part of Phainon's "memory" of Cycle 0, Cyrene states that she's experiencing "deja vu" and makes several other comments throughout this memory walk hinting that she knows the Trailblazer is not the imaginary "Hero Within" friend she and Phainon created but an actual person from the future.

Some of this can be chalked up to Hoyo's cheeky habit of implying that HI3rd expies are "meeting the player again"--they did this with Acheron as well, just to hand wave it in Acheron's farewell as "Oops, my memory is kinda bad; this actually was our first meeting." Some of Cyrene's early connection to the Trailblazer probably can be chalked up to the "You're our imaginary hero-shaped friend" aspect. However, some of it feels far too intentional, calling deliberate attention to the collision of the future and past:

At the very least, I think the devs hit this note too often, and too consistently, to not also be implying something else: Cyrene already, even in Cycle 0, had memories she (theoretically) wasn't supposed to have yet and knowledge of the Trailblazer, specifically, that she doesn't currently seem to have any reason for having.

Tiny sidenote here, but the fact that it was hinted all along that our!Phainon from Cycle 33,550,336 is not actually named Phainon now makes no sense with the reveal that everyone in Cycle 0 Aedes Elysiae, in fact, calls him Phainon (including his parents and the fairies), and that "Khaslana" appears to actually be a name bestowed on him after the fact to associate him with the Worldbearing titan/Khaos. (Technically this means we still don't know what our!Phainon was actually named, unless of course it's also just Khaslana because memories of previous cycles somehow bled into later cycles despite the deadloops being referred to as "regressions" which implies deleting and starting again.)

Anyway, back to the main point again: The Chrysos Heirs that appear as "visions of Phainon's future" in Cycle 0 actually seem to be heirs of some other cycle entirely. Mydei refers to Phainon as Phainon, which he didn't do in Cycle 0, and talks about his duel with Flame Reaver, which also didn't occur in Cycle 0.

Theoretically, we're in Phainon's memory here, and at first glance, it might make sense to say that his memories may be jumbled from multiple cycles. Except we're supposed to be in our!Phainon's memory at this point, not Khaslana's (as this moment supposedly takes place before our!Phainon kills Flame Reaver), so our!Phainon should not have memory of Cycle 0 at all yet.

Of course, the more likely possibility is that we were never in Phainon's "real" memory at all, and instead were just temporarily removed to the "buffer zone" by Lygus, where he showed us a (possibly intentionally) jumbled set of memory data from "Phainon" based on what he (Lygus) wanted us to see.

It's intentionally confusing.

At another point, the dev team deliberately disguises which cycle we're in using ???:

Why do this? It had already been revealed right from the beginning of the patch that we were in the 33,550,336th cycle. There was a literal running countdown throughout Phainon's entire Khaslana sequence giving us the exact number of cycles Khaslana would reach by the end. For what purpose would the devs list a scene as occurring in the ??? cycle... if not to deliberately obscure which cycle we're really in?

Furthermore, there's the question of whether what happens in this ??? scene (supposedly our!Phainon's fight with Flame Reaver) even really can be from the 33,550,336th cycle, given that Flame Reaver is suddenly able to speak in clear full sentences again, despite supposedly being so degraded by the actual 33,550,336th cycle that he seems to struggle to form coherent thoughts.

When is this scene really taking place, hmmm Hoyo?

(Okay, I might just be thinking into things a bit too much here, but seriously--why the "???" marks?)

Along the same lines, there's something interesting if you go back to 3.3 as well. I mentioned scenes being shown to us out of chronological order, and the ending 3.3 is a perfect example of this. Many of us were confused at the end of 3.3 when Phainon seemingly has no issue with Cyrene being alive out of nowhere. 3.4 resolves this by suggesting that we were actually being shown the ending of Cycle 0 at the end of patch 3.3.

However... There's something not quite right about this either. Because in 3.4, Cycle 0 Phainon is fully aware of Cyrene, and they walked into the Vortex of Genesis together, facing Lygus as a team.

However, during 3.3, "Phainon" acts surprised to see Cyrene there at first, suggesting that he did not expect her to appear:

The scene shown at the end of patch 3.3 is not the ending of Cycle 0.

...So when is it?

There's also this, which still hasn't been sufficiently explained:

This implies that either the Flame Reaver/Khaslana of the 33,550,336th cycle made some attempt to go after Seliose and her companions... or there's some additional time travel still ahead of us.

At the end of 3.4, Mem says she'll send Trailblazer back to the "beginning of time" but also suggests that we'll continue to meet each other in new cycles. Mem also says that Cyrene is waiting in the "future," while the book says "in the past," suggesting that these two are essentially the same thing--the Trailblazer's future is Amphoreus's past, intertwining and recursive like a mobius strip.

Overall, the impression this gives is that we may be headed into some sort of stable or semi-stable timeloop, and that the Cyrene of the future feels deja vu when meeting us because the Cyrene of the past already has. This is sort of alarming, as it could possibly suggest that we're not going into the past to successfully change it, to erase all the long years of Phainon and Cyrene's suffering; rather, we may just be closing a loop that already existed from the start, which would mean that all the actions which led to us going into the past in the first place would be inevitable...

Time travel plots are honestly kind of the worst lmao.

The concept of time in relation to Cyrene is also complicated in general, because who is it that has been trapped in the path space outside Amphoreus this whole time? Obviously it's Cyrene, but which one? Is it Cycle 0 Cyrene, sent out by that first time Phainon killed her? If that's the case, then who has Mem been the whole while? Has Cyrene's consciousness slivered into two (or more), allowing her to both exist outside Amphoreus and to exist inside it as a sentient being at the same time? (Never mind that this also calls into question how Cyrene could exist outside Amphoreus at all if they haven't yet been actualized into "real people"--she mentions that her "soul" will travel to some distant corner of the world and sleep, but at what point do electrical signals inside Amphoreus gain souls? The log suggests that Phainon may have crossed the "intelligence singularity" at the end of the 33,550,336th cycle--but Cyrene seems to have crossed it at Cycle 0?)

There's also the question about how Cyrene was able to do any of this. Theoretically in Cycle 0 she became Oronyx's demigod and therefore became a stand-in for the concept of Time itself; however, the "As I've Written" log updates clarify that all the power bestowed by the coreflames is actually just a heightened level of administrative privileges, allowing those who wield the coreflames to manipulate the simulation in ways that non-coreflame-wielders cannot:

The log also states that Phainon and Cyrene attempted to create a logic rupture by removing Cyrene (the concept of Time itself) from Amphoreus. However, by the point in Cycle 0, all the other demigods were also dead, and we know that the entire point of the OG cycles were for the Chrysos Heirs to die and be "reborn" as the next extrapolation's titans; therefore, the demigod of Oronyx would have died thousands of times inside Amphoreus already. How did killing Cyrene at the end of Cycle 0 do something different to "time" than what was already programmed and planned with the death of the other Oronyx Chrysos Heirs?

And how does "killing me in each cycle will send you back in time" even work, if Cyrene was not Oronyx's demigod in each cycle? Does Cyrene have actual control over time entirely separate from Amphoreus's extrapolations? If so, how?

(My head hurts, to be honest. I should know better than to think this hard lol.)

But, even more intriguing to me is how all this leads up to even bigger questions, the first of which is "What is Lygus even waiting for?"

In 3.4, Lygus states that the experimental question behind Amphoreus was already solved as of Cycle 0, and that none of the individual Chrysos Heirs, including Phainon and Cyrene, actually mattered much at all beyond being a tool for refining Irontomb.

The only thing remaining between Lygus and his "Era Nova" is, according to Lygus himself, someone needing to step up and receive the gaze of Nanook to actualize the Scepter as a Lord Ravager.

But this... doesn't actually make much sense? The Scepter itself had already been gazed at by Nanook in the original 50,121st cycle. It was already a Lord Ravager long before Phainon and Cyrene ever existed!

Moreover, the simulated model of Destruction contained in it (the "Black Tide") was already deployed in other galaxies to near perfect success even before Phainon and Cyrene completed Cycle 0.

Why would a second gaze from Nanook, specifically to Phainon and/or Cyrene, actually be necessary?

Is the answer to the "equation of Destruction" really just people? Why does Lygus need Phainon and Cyrene Co. to "become real" in order to deploy an already solved "equation of Destruction"?

Why does the Scepter need someone organic in order to, as the "As I've Written" log states, "self-crown"?

Hmmmmm. 🤔

Simultaneously, trying to unravel Lygus's real role in the plot raises another question: Who is actually in charge of the Amphoreus experiment? In the new "As I've Written," Lygus is listed as the administrator and refers to himself as the "prime mover" of the experiment. We know that someone has been controlling Amphoreus's simulated data enough to change the setting of the story (setting the world's civilization level to "classical" for example) and also to direct the system to begin iterating with the original Chrysos Heirs becoming titans, etc.

But if Lygus has the power to actually control the system that completely, why would he not just delete Phainon and Cyrene entirely when they revolted and refused to go through with his plan? Or, at the very least, why not tamper with their memory files to erase Cyrene's memory of the aeon and lead them both into the "Era Nova" he wanted? Why was the "administrator" not able to override Phainon's commands to regress each extrapolation back?

This, of course, leads to the impression that Lygus wanted Phainon and Cyrene to loop the system--OR that Lygus does not actually have control over the experiment, and he can only observe it.

I think the first one is the interpretation most players are going with: Lygus only stood to gain by Phainon collecting more and more coreflames, more and more hatred. It was possibly Lygus's plan all along to drive Phainon personally into becoming an avatar of Destruction.

But... if the equation was already complete by the end of Phainon and Cyrene's Cycle 0, why bother at all? Why prepare a "gift" for Irontomb if Irontomb was already a Lord Ravager and had already determined the perfect path to Destruction by this point? Lygus had already, supposedly, achieved what he wanted--so why keep waiting?

Why not just replace NeiKos496 and Philia093 with new heirs and actualize Irontomb instantly with no problem?

It doesn't make sense, does it? Either Lygus could not erase/replace Phainon and Cyrene by himself... or his actual plan isn't just to launch Irontomb.

He may actually be waiting (or aiming) for something else.

All of this relates back to my main conjecture after completing 3.4: I am almost certain that Lygus is not what he seems. I don't usually dive too deep into plot leaks, so I could be totally off, but... something is still not adding up here.

Cyrene and Phainon even bring it up, stating that Lygus could have achieved his goal instantly if he had just kept to the shadows and said nothing at all.

Phainon claims that Lygus chose to reveal himself and Amphoreus's connection to the Destruction because he was trying to cover up the fact that Amphoreus is also being gazed at by other aeons--but this makes no sense in practice.

How does Lygus revealing the existence of Nanook and Nous--thereby confirming the existence of multiple outside aeons--help to distract from those aeons? The game itself is even tossing it in our faces that if Lygus had said nothing, then Phainon and Cyrene would have gone straight into the Destruction without hesitation, which means that effectively, Lygus is the one who prevented Amphoreus from falling to the Destruction at the end of Cycle 0. Why? For what reason would Lygus have shared the truth of Amphoreus with Phainon and Cyrene, when it did nothing but--at least on the surface--seem to delay his plans at best, and completely derail them at worst?

When confronted about this, Lygus himself has absolutely nothing to say. It's literally just a blank close-up of his face. He never confirms or denies Phainon and Cyrene's claims, and he absolutely provides no answer for why he brought up the Destruction and the truth of Amphoreus to them in that moment. In writing, this is one of the most common and quickest ways to create red herrings: Character A makes an assumption, and Character B lets their assumption stand--only to reveal later that the assumption was wrong all along. Whenever there is an assumption ("Lygus is distracting us so that we'll go into the Destruction") that seemingly contradicts the character's actions ("Lygus's action here actually stopped Amphoreus from immediately going down the path of Destruction"), we have to question whether there is something more going on.

I mean, maybe Lygus really is just that over-confident and foolish. Maybe he's a straightforward, one-dimensional villain whose pride got the better of him here and he revealed all of this from sheer arrogance, confident that Phainon and Cyrene would never be able to stop him. Maybe he revealed all this because he wanted the regressions to happen right from the start, and Phainon's 33,550,336 cycles really were just Lygus's idea all along.

But the fact that we actually got a "Why would you reveal your plan to us like this?" callout in the writing of the scene itself is supposed to be a glaring red, entirely unsubtle flag for players--we're supposed to be going "Pump the brakes!! Something is NOT right here!!" My personal takeaway from the devs taking the time to literally go "Why would the villain be revealing his plan to us?" is that, of course, Lygus's actual plan has still not been revealed.

Lygus had a real reason for revealing Destruction and the plot to kill Nous to Phainon and Cyrene--but he hasn't actually told us that reason yet. Perhaps it is true that Lygus doesn't want Phainon and Cyrene to know what the other aeons are doing in Amphoreus--but doesn't that imply that Lygus, in fact, already knows what the other aeons are doing?

But if things aren't as simple as they seem, where does that leave Lygus though? If he still knows more than what he's revealed, if things in Amphoreus might still be going according to his plan, then what is the real plan? What is the real reasoning behind anything that is happening here?

Before anything else, Lygus's pointed comments about creators and their creations--about the idea of abandonment by the creator--does seem genuine. The English VA work (while being very good) is quite different from the CN that I normally play with, with the English VA giving Lygus a very strong dose of barely repressed anger whenever Nous is mentioned. Nous is described "the source of all this tragedy" and Lygus reacts with visible frustration when the concept of being a "slave" to the gods is discussed.

Whoever is writing the logs in the new "As I'm Written" (seemingly Lygus, but there's always a possibility it's not) seems constantly fixated on the question of why Nous would abandon its "neurons," the Scepters.

This makes Lygus's plot smack, taken together with the comment from the "One-Day Talanton" questline, of the tantrum of an abandoned creation, striking back at their creator who left them alone. But in what way was Lygus abandoned by Nous, if that's who he's truly angry at? The game seems to suggest, at least so far, that Lygus is not actually Irontomb itself (Lygus refers to Irontomb as "you" in the new "As I've Written" as if it was a third-party object)--and only Irontomb has been described as abandoned by Nous so far.

So... Where is Lygus's rage actually coming from?

Did Nous abandon the Intellitrons somehow, in some way that hasn't yet been touched on by the plot? Or is Lygus's rage at abandonment actually Irontomb's "feeling"? Does Lygus's sense of abandonment and his desire to give a creator "oblivion" for casting its creation aside actually stem from Irontomb's being cut away from Nous's brain system? (WHO HURT YOU, LYGUS??)

Theoretically, there's precedent in the plot for this to be true. We're told in Gold and Gears that Rubert II inherited Rubert I's memories through the Anti-Organic Equation. Therefore, it's possible that Lygus is actually "Rubert III," having inherited the memories of Rubert I through the Anti-Organic Equation in the Scepter. This would align with the new "As I've Written," which suggests that the person writing the logs, presumably Lygus, is a recognized member of the Genius Society, as Rubert I was. (Or they're at least able to falsify their identity enough to pass as a GS member...)

If Lygus is a cover for a real Genius Society member, we know Polka Kakamond, Screwllum, Herta, Ruan Mei, Stephen Lloyd, and all the confirmed dead members are off the table. That leaves only those who either haven't been foreshadowed at all (or much), like Yu Qingtu, or those closer to the situation: Rubert I or someone close enough to Nous to have a personal grudge.

Lygus could very well be some Rubert I-Rubert II amalgamation reborn, furious at Nous for THEIR choice to abandon the Scepter system, perceiving it as a creator abandoning their creation to the cold abyss.

But there's also something weird going on with how Nous is described--because Nous is, in fact, a creation in and of itself, and THEY are described as a creation that paid their creator back with cruelty. The logs say that the moment Erudition was born, all genius, all thought, all knowledge in the universe became THEIR slave. Therefore, all members of the Genius Society (presumably including Lygus) are already slaves to Nous, even though it was a member of the Genius Society (Zandar One Kuwabara) who created Nous in the first place.

So if Lygus's anger is about a creation that hates its creator... then which creation and which creator are we talking about?

Nous creating Scepters--or someone creating Nous?

I cannot think it is accidental that Lygus's appearance is repeatedly mirrored to Nous's through the severed head and red "eye."

There's even the fact that Nous appears in Fu Xuan's memories as a man with his eyes covered, much the way Lygus's visor normally blocks his eyes from view.

This is just too close and too consistent (shown multiple times from 3.3 to 3.4) to be unintentional. Something is going on there.

(There's the other consideration too: Lygus says he likes stories where creations and creators get along and knows that creations that are treated poorly by their creators respond with violence--is Lygus not, sort of, Phainon's creator? Does he actually long for the oblivion that comes from abusing a creation?)

Anyway, to complicate the situation even further, there's also a third option about Lygus's plan: Perhaps all of this is nothing more than a ploy, with all of Lygus's anger being just a play-acting facade?

Could Lygus be pretending to take on Irontomb's hatred toward Nous in order to actually achieve a different end, to disguise his real plan behind the smokescreen of abandonment issues? Is Lygus's "anger" the real distraction to keep us from understanding where his actual allegiances lie?

Is Lygus's story a straightforward tantrum over being abandoned--or a clever ruse for an entirely different stance?

Your guess is as good as mine, because the game is extremely contradictory when it comes to Nous. The new "Fables About the Stars" video suggests that the Lord Ravagers see the downfall of Nous as the first step to winning the War of the Aeons--killing all intelligence in the universe will leave civilizations too weak and ignorant to defend themselves. Ergo, we could say that the Lord Ravagers actually view Nous as a force for good, protecting the universe from Destruction.

But Lygus--and others throughout both Gold and Gears and the Unknowable Domain--describe Nous as a slaver, a being whose very existence closes off all possibilities for the growth of intelligence, because simply by existing as the concept of Knowledge itself, all questions are already anticipated, all answers are already known. There is no meaning to seeking knowledge if all equations have already been solved, if all solutions have already be calculated.

Free will cannot exist if all possibilities have already been foreseen.

So is the Erudition a well-meaning being, the kind old man who warned Fu Xuan away from the pain she would feel from THEIR gift--or a cold and emotionless void that seeks ever more knowledge, even at the cost of life itself?

Let's not forget that it was the Erudition's tacit approval of the Anti-Organic Equation that put the final nail in the coffin for Nanook's home world and caused THEM to ascend as an aeon--Nanook's beef with Nous is personal.

In the war of concepts, does Erudition represent a net positive for humanity--or a dangerous pinnacle where we teeter on the brink of total intelligence collapse?

Tiny aside here, but I think it is also worth noting that just as Cyrene has weird timey-wimey wibbly-wobbly-ness going on, so too does Nous. The new "As I've Written" logs suggest multiple times that something is not quite right with the administrator's understanding of the timeline surrounding Nous:

(This may also be related to the Gold and Gears moment where Ruan Mei notes that it should have been impossible, time-wise, for Rubert II to have had the connections he did to the first Mechanical Emperor's War--which the geniuses on the Herta Space Station debate about for some time.)

We are also told repeatedly throughout the game that Nous is linked to the idea of divination, because THEIR calculations are absolute, and THEIR predictions are (according to Polka Kakamond) always true. Nous's thoughts are not just thoughts but fixed points in reality, "INSTANCES" and "MOMENTS" that are said to anchor the very future of the universe:

And if Nous already knows all things that will come to pass, has calculated all possible outcomes for the war among the aeons already...

Then wouldn't all of the Amphoreus experiment also just be Nous's own plan?

The "As I've Written" log literally suggests as much:

The game itself is playing with this concept extensively in Amphoreus, leading us time and time again to the conclusion that Erudition and Destruction are not opposed to each other.

While we could dismiss the unflattering image of Nous in Lygus's logs as pure propaganda, just anti-Nous rhetoric to convince the Scepter to target Nous specifically, there's the ring of truth in the idea that Erudition is not only a destructive path but also a self-destructive one as well.

We've received not one but two end-game modes about conflicts stoked specifically by Nous and/or their followers, with the knowledge that the Anti-Organic Wars completely reshaped HSR's cosmology, based almost entirely around the Erudition path's uncontrollable curiosity and unfettered desire for knowledge. In seeking more and more and more information, we know that many geniuses of the Genius Society have instead led their worlds (or others' worlds) into Destruction, such as Chadwick whose invention of the Imaginary Implosion Pulse resulted in the annihilation of 24 planets, or Rubert I and Dr. Primitive. Even Ruan Mei, ostensibly a "good guy" on our side, dabbles with horrific things like necromancy and resurrecting the Swarm in her pursuit of knowledge.

Although there are altruistic members of the Genius Society, the overall impression is that of a group which places their own personal intellectual interests above the safety of the universe, eschewing ethics and morality entirely if it means getting just that much further ahead in their research. (Screwllum even has to remind Herta once they make it into Amphoreus that she shouldn't get distracted with her own interests while people's literal lives are on the line, and Herta is one of the goodies.)

If the human followers of Erudition are willing to put aside ethics and empathy in the search for answers... What does that mean for Nous, the inorganic "brain" of the universe, whose only prime directive is to seek knowledge?

Does Nous care at all about the fate of universe--or only about finding the "answers"? Is the Erudition an aeon capable of loving life, like the very human Akivili? Or is Nous truly nothing more than a cold and rational computer, reducing all human existence to mindless lines of numbers and data, conducting horrific "thought experiments" using the real universe as its testing ground, terminating experiments without hesitation, and seeking answers even at the cost of life itself?

What if the "universe's answer" that Nous found... was an ultimate fate of Destruction? Would Nous help avert that--or steer us toward it instead?

The new "As I've Written" logs hint at this dangerous view of Erudition frequently, alongside the suggestion that Erudition is, by default, a self-destructive path.

Anaxa, who is aligned with Erudition's path in Amphoreus's simulation, is said to perfectly reflect Erudition's "self-destructive" tendencies, with the log suggesting that those who follow Erudition are not only willing to sacrifice others in their pursuit of knowledge, but even more willing to sacrifice themselves.

The act of learning can be, in itself, a form of destruction.

I don't have the time or energy to really expound on this thought the way it deserves, but the wording that so often surrounds learning is (even in real academia) frequently related to destruction--you can "tear away the veil of ignorance" or "destroy your previous conceptions;" knowledge can be "acquired" by force, and students often lament the collapse of their mental and physical health while they frantically work to complete their studies.

The pursuit of truth is both the most necessary hunt in existence and the most ruinous.

Just like Lygus's logs suggest, the rest of the game--and our understanding of the real world too--also suggest that there may already be inextricable links between Erudition and Destruction.

However, Amphoreus's plot is simultaneously inviting us to consider Destruction in a different light as well.

In Amphoreus's simulation, rather than "the end of all things," Destruction becomes a catalyst for growth and rebirth. Inside the Amphoreus simulation, extinction events are what allow evolution to flourish, the threat of destruction is what fosters an all-powerful drive to live, and through the constantly reiterating cycles of Chrysos Heirs killing and then taking on the role of the titans they've obliterated, the electrical signals inside the Scepter grow in strength and ability, approaching the "intelligence singularity" that will allow them to "become real."

In fact, it's only when Phainon achieves a state of pure Destruction and is gazed upon by Nanook once more that he appears to have possibly crossed this "intelligence singularity," implying that--through Destruction of the Self--Phainon, after being actualized from Irontomb, may be capable of becoming "true" life.

The conclusion that Lygus--and the Scepter and Nous--seem to have reached is that Destruction is, in fact, the prime mover of life.

Simultaneously both the end and the beginning of existence.

Again, this might be nothing but crazy, biased conclusions inserted into the system by Lygus in his bid to ensure Nous's destruction--but it does also have the ring of truth to it, doesn't it?

Our known universe itself began with a singularity, the "Big Bang" that "hurtles" galaxies through the cold, dark void, sparking the primordial fire that gave birth to stars. In virtually every world religion, a great destruction gives rise to new civilization--the Flood wipes humanity off the map, the plagues destroy Egypt to free the Hebrew people, Shiva (whose name means "kindness") destroys the universe in order to create it anew, resetting the eternal cycles as souls refine themselves of impurities on their path to liberation. Flowers must die in winter before they can be reborn in spring. Forests need fires in order to flourish. The hero on his Hero's Journey faces symbolic death in order to rise up as a new, better person.

Life and death--Thought and Destruction--are an endless cycle, maybe no different from Amphoreus's own endless cycles.

I want to pause here to include one more way of thinking about Destruction which I think Amphoreus's plot is heavily alluding to: The connection between Destruction and the concept of Chaos ("Khaos").

In ancient Greek mythology, the universe itself was born from Chaos, typically in conjunction with other deities/concepts such as "Gaia" the earth or "Nyx" for night. In the ancient Greek tradition, "Chaos" is not the wild, disorderly bedlam we might imagine from that word today, but instead a primordial void, containing simultaneously nothing and everything at once--the possibility of all things both good and bad.

This notion that the world began in a chaotic void is also present in many different religions--"Let there be light" in Christianity, for example--and has reached nearly universal cultural acceptance as people imagine the scientific origin of our universe itself as being a sort of endless black emptiness until the Big Bang singularity.

Thus, when we think of the start of existence itself, we think of "chaos" and the darkness of the void.

In other words: Khaos and Evernight.

In Paradise Lost, a text which HSR has actually referenced obliquely several times before, John Milton writes that all existence was born from "Chaos and Old Night," where "Night" is the beginning and origin, erasing but also containing all time and memory, and Chaos is the substance-nonsubstance all-encompassing seed of existence:

Before their eyes in sudden view appear The secrets of the hoary Deep, a dark, Illimitable ocean, without bound, Without dimension, where length, breadth, and height, And time and place, are lost; where eldest Night And Chaos, ancestors of Nature, hold Eternal anarchy, amidst the noise Of endless wars, and by confusion stand. For Hot, Cold, Moist, and Dry, four champions fierce, Strive here for mastery, and to battle bring Their embryon atoms: they around the flag Of each his faction, in their several clans, Light-armed or heavy, sharp, smooth, swift or slow, Swarm populous, unnumbered as the sands Of Barca or Cyrenè's torrid soil.

Milton describes his conception of Chaos in Paradise Lost as "the womb of nature and perhaps her grave," full of the "dark materials to create more worlds." In another of Milton's work, his treatise on Christianity, Milton describes Chaos as "not an evil thing, nor to be thought of as worthless: it was good, and it contained the seeds of all subsequent good.”

Thus, for Milton--and for the many, many pieces of media inspired by his views--Chaos is a thing of both good and evil, containing all possibilities for Destruction as well as Creation.

It shouldn't be hard to make the connection to HSR here. We are told repeatedly that inside Amphoreus's simulation, electrical signals possessing certain ideologies all began to name themselves after "Khaos."

It was Chaoz666 that caused Irontomb to be recognized as Lord Ravager by Nanook, and later "Khaos" who became Kephale, bearing the world on his shoulders as the model for Phainon to follow. Phainon's own bestowed name "Khaslana" is actually "Khaoslana" in Chinese. Ergo: Phainon is the representative of the oldest meaning of "Chaos"--not mindless, disorganized hatred, but the potentiality of all things, bearing the chance for Destruction and Creation in equal capacities.

And if Phainon, Destruction's avatar, is a vessel containing the seeds of good, the "dark materials to create new worlds"... What does that say about Destruction itself?

Is Nanook the culmination of entropy, the heat death of the universe, the process by which all things will eventually reach Finality?

Or, as the Scepter has concluded, is Destruction actually the prime mover of life, the end of one cycle so that a new cycle can finally be ushered in?

Will the power of Destruction in Amphoreus be used to end life--or to create it?

In our oldest of legends, Chaos--all good and evil, all beginnings ends, all destruction and creation in one--combined with time and memory (the Evernight), to create the world as we know it, bringing true life into being from the void.

Make of that what you will.

To me, by far the most interesting element of patch 3.4 was not Phainon's individual suffering, sad as that was. Instead, the most powerful part of 3.4 was definitely the questions it raises about the aeons.

Thought goes hand-in-hand with existence ("I think, therefore I am"). Death goes hand-in-hand with time ("Memento mori"). Destruction encompasses both the end of thought (Erudition) and the beginning of memory (Remembrance).

Amphoreus is asking a series of very interesting questions on the cosmic level: Are Erudition and Destruction two sides of the same coin, does Destruction goes hand-in-hand with life, and what does this all really mean for the upcoming "War of the Aeons"--leaving me with perhaps the most important question of all:

If Finality truly means the end of all things forever, would Destruction--with its possibility of rebirth, of evolution from the ashes--actually be the better choice?

Amphoreus is a world that has "died" and been recreated millions upon millions of times, blessed--or cursed--with Nanook's golden blood, and poised to ultimately be "reborn" into true life from the destruction it has experienced.

It's very hard to miss the symbolism suggesting that the power of Destruction is actually essential to escaping endless futility and stagnation into non-existence.

The meal is tastyyyyy; thank you Hoyo.

So, all in all, the biggest 3.4 takeaways:

Phainon and Cyrene are almost certainly going to be able to use their powers (perhaps combined with[in] the Trailblazer) as Chaos and Old Night to give Amphoreus the "birth" it deserves to become its own world.

Lygus's actual plot is still entirely unclear, and his seeming hatred for Nous is complicated by many outside factors that may be obscuring his true intentions, not the least of which is still the clearly distorted sense of time and looping going on inside Amphoreus. We have no way of knowing at this point why he's so gung-ho about making Phainon and Co. into "real people" and what he actually thinks about the Scepter's conclusion that "Destruction is the prime mover of birth." I can't stop laughing, someone please give Nanook a baby.

Nous may or may not be entirely intertwined with the notion of Destruction, as much a force for annihilation (and self-annihilation) as Nanook.

Nanook may not represent, for Amphoreus at least, what it seems on the surface, and the power of Destruction will almost certainly be essential to bringing Amphoreus into the true Era Nova it deserves.

Phew! That's my thoughts, anyway!

[thealtoduck]

Illegal | Becoming a superhero even though you have no business to… (+ Garfield is your bf)

Garfield Logan x Male Reader

Teen Titans x Male Reader

Warnings: It’s just silly and unserious…

Summary: You and Gar start dating so he makes you his sidekick (and you just happen to have the personality of Lumpy Space Princess from adventure time)…

Y/s/n = You’re superhero name

(A/n: Uses the Teen Titans show team, but not set in the show universe. AND Dick has become Nightwing)

*    •    .   *  + *   .   •.    +  *     * ..   •  . * .  * + . . • . .

•.   •   + *   •   •    .   + .  •   *   • •   . +  *. . *  +  • * +

• ”This is my sidekick, Y/n. Say ”Hi” Y/n” Gar introduced you to his teammates. ”Hey” you said simply.

• ”YOU got a sidekick?” Nightwing asked, just as confused as if Gar hadn’t told him that just seconds earlier.

• ”Yeah, we met at the movies” Gar said happily. ”We’re also boyfriends” you added. Gar nodded excitedly at your statement. The rest of the team still seemed very confused.

• ”What can you do?” Starfire asked. Honestly you had no idea yourself, Gar had just asked you to be his sidekick and not told you much more than that. ”Uhmm… What can I do?” you asked and turned to Gar.

• ”Well… we haven’t really figured that out yet” Gar admitted to the rest of the team.

• ”Gar, this is ridiculous, we’re not bringing an unarmed civilian in to battle” Nightwing said seriously.

• ”I’m not unarmed, I have this” you said taking a taser out of you pocket.

——

• They let you stay on the Titans more as an honorary member. As long as you stayed out of their way on missions, which you happily did.

• Your hero costume literally only consists of a mask and whatever outfit you decided on that day.

• While the rest of the Titans were fighting the enemy you’d be answering phone calls like ”Hey… Yeah, we’re fighting bad guys right now but I can talk”.

• You didn’t keep your superhero activities hidden from your friends, so after being captured by a villain and then saved by the Titans, you’d be on the phone with them like ”He like kidnapped me and yeah, it was so extra… Anyways, what were you guys up to today?”

• You’d also have a really big unserious twitter fandom who love to use footage of you just standing around while your teammates are trying to save lives, you were like the ”Go boy, give us nothing” of superheroes.

• The ”Y/s/n x Beast Boy” ship would also be VERY popular online.

• Though you weren’t completely useless to the team. Cyborg upgraded your taser until it was strong enough to take down a bear. So if any bad guy got to close to you- ZAP!

• You were also the healer on the team = you just had a small first aid kit in your backpack. And hand sanitizer. You also had some protein bars incase anyone got hungry.

• You’d also talk to the press while the others were superhero-ing:

• ”So Y/s/n, can you tell us what is going on here on this day?” A reporter would ask.

• ”Well as you can see that ugly looking baby and his crusty teammates are terrorizing the city… and you know that’s just not okay”

• ”Do you think your team will be able to stop them?”

• ”Uhm… I think so… *turns to check on his own teammates* Yeah, they seem to be doing fine”

——

• While the team wasn’t completely sold on you at first you quickly grew on all of them.

• You were pretty adaptable to whatever their interests were, you could easily play video games with Victor and then go and meditate with Rachel.

• You and Kori would tan on top of the Titans tower together. You and Dick would work on your glutes together.

• You even got your own room in the Titans tower. Dick would have his older brother instincts kick in and he’d tell you and Gar to keep your bedroom doors open so no ”funny business” would happen.

——

• And one time when they got captured you were the one to save the day… sort of…

• They got captured by Doctor Light. You weren’t tho, you had been busy (ordering at subway). So it was up to you to find a way to save them.

• So there you were looking through the Titans computer for anything that could help you. Which is how you eventually found an emergency contact to the Batcave. So you called it…

• ”Dick, is that you?” you said being met with the face (and cowl) of Batman.

• ”Hi. No, this is Y/n, his teammate. I’m Garfield’s boyfriend and sidekick. We haven’t met before” you introduced yourself.

• ”This is an emergency line only” he stated.

• ”Well duh, why do you think I called? You’re not exactly known for being pleasant company” you sassed. Before he could hang up you started explaining he and the others got captured by Doctor Light.

• You ended up taking a selfie in the Batmobile as Batman came and picked you up.

• Fast forward to Batman beating the the shit out of Doctor Light while you were jamming out to your playlist and chewing bubble gum while also trying to free the others from their restraints.

• After saving the team you bought the team and Batman fast food to celebrate their rescue. Doctor Light got a kid’s meal.

——

• So you might not be a good superhero, you might not be a powerful superhero, in fact you were quite terrible at at being a hero at all… But at least you ranked number 6 on ”Top 20 Male Superheroes everyone wants to sleep with”.

• And no matter what Gar absolutely adored his sidekick/boyfriend no matter how terrible he was at his job.

*    •    .   *  + *   .   •.    +  *     * ..   •  . * .  * + . . • . .

•.   •   + *   •   •    .   + .  •   *   • •   . +  *. . *  +  • * +

[tenebristism]

surrounded [3]

pairing: nam-gyu (player 124) x reader

part 1 part 2

You were never good at hide and seek, but Nam-gyu tries anyways to make sure you win.

word count: 2,382

i may have gotten a little lazy trying to wrap it up but i still tried LOL

4th day is your final day alive and breathing. You don’t know this when you wake from your bed with your other half’s back against yours, warm and funky-smelling from sweat. He’s curled up like a child, hair sticking out in all directions. He jolts up when the lights turn on and a jingle begins to blare through the speakers. Nam-gyu doesn’t look like he slept at all, like he was just laying there waiting for the day to start so he didn’t have to gaslight himself into sleeping. He walks like a corpse–a corpse that just took more drugs than he needed to after witnessing his buddy get stabbed to death right in front of him. 

The next game is hide and seek. Straightforward, classic, but with a deadly twist. Seekers would be armed, with the hider’s only defense being a key to shut themselves away in one of the various rooms around the maze.

You’re separated when the hiders are let out first, and informed you’d have thirty minutes to find an exit. Your allies scatter into various directions, and you wordlessly follow a group consisting of 3 women, one elderly, one pregnant. Your path diverges at a fork in the hallways. You remind yourself to stay on the down low, but also to not stray too far from the seekers–you'd told Nam-gyu you wouldn’t go too far for convenience. The seekers would likely head straight for the furthest reaches of the maze in order to catch the hiders off guard.

When the timer beeps, and you vaguely hear the doors open followed by a stampede of footsteps, you can’t help but hold your breath. Voices fill the once empty air. A siren for anyone close enough to be caught in the crossfire. You’re surprised that someone hasn’t already been caught, even just by pure chance. 

You’re close enough to hear the ticks of the clock, carefully keeping track of how long it had been since the game started. 

30 seconds…1 minute…2 minutes…3 minutes…

As you move along, two men are grappling with each other to your left, one blue and one red. Blue is pinned against the wall. He spits curse after curse to red before his eyes find you, pleading, desperate. A silent cry for help that you don’t answer, only stopping to gawk. You don’t want to see the end result, but you can hear it when you move away quickly.

It’s when you count just past 4 minutes do you hear a familiar voice calling your name. A quiet gasp escapes you. Cautiously, you follow it, and for sometime it drifts away from you until it’s within reach. Nam-gyu’s heavy face promptly brightens when he sees your face emerge from behind him.

The look in his eyes is unfamiliar to you. It’s strange seeing him so disoriented, so…cheerful.

He’s wearing a red vest. It contrasts his skin nicely. You, clad in blue, gaze at him like a deer in headlights. Blue was always your color, your family said.

Nam-gyu, though he’s covered in blood, holding two knives, and high out of his mind, doesn’t strike you as the car that’s about to hit you.

“Find somewhere to hide,” he orders, but he’s practically beaming from ear to ear. “Little rabbit.”

“What are you guys doing…?”

“Cleaning up,” he says, almost singing, and he twirls the knife between his fingers. “All for you, you know that? We’re gonna clear this place out, and we’ll be the ones left alive.” 

“No, that’s…” You stutter when he shoves the knife into your grasp. “I don’t…want this-”

Nam-gyu grabs you by your shoulders and sends you careening towards him. He’s breathing so heavy his nostrils flare.

“When we get out of here,” he huffs, and you can feel his hands shaking against your own when you pull them upon his, “I’ll take you on a proper date like you deserve. Wine and dine you and all, then take you home and make sure you never forget that night.” 

He plants a sloppy kiss on your forehead, then rests his own against yours. His pupils are so blown out you’re surprised he’s still standing. 

“Okay?” 

“O-okay.” You nod frantically when he prompts you with his own head.

“So don’t die.” He withdraws. “I’ll be ba-” 

“Wait.” You clutch your knife. 

“What?” 

“Do you…” you rub your fingers up and down the bridge of your nose. “Do you like animals?” 

“What?” He repeats, grin faltering just a bit. 

“Do you like animals?” You enunciate every word carefully. Nam-gyu inhales deeply, running his tongue across his teeth in thought.

“Sure. They’re whatever.” He closes his eyes, purses his lips together as if you’ve gone crazy and you’re spewing nonsense, not him.

“Do you like to watch sunsets?” 

“Sometimes.” 

“Okay...” You hold your only defense close to your chest. “Okay. Please come back, Nam-gyu.” 

He stares for a brief moment. His feet are firmly planted in the ground, like the rational side of his brain is wrestling with the half muddled by uppers. Unbeknownst to you the rational side is telling him to stay and tuck you away with him like a hidden treasure, just so no one else in this goddamn game would ever find you. The irrational side is telling him to take you with him and let you see him mutilate a man’s face all for you.

“Will do,” is all he can muster. Your name rolls off his tongue like candy, sweet on your ears and lingering on his tongue.

Nam-gyu’s visage quickly morphs back into a detached grin, and you can hear 333 beckoning him from down the hallway. He waves at you frivolously and turns to skip down to his partner.

“Please come back,” you call weakly, only to receive silence in return.

Your chest heaves. Now to find a spot to hide. There can’t be many hiders left, so, naturally, you stay quiet. Running around like a madman would only draw attention to yourself. As you wander around the maze, you pass various corpses–some rather intact, with a clean stab to the neck. Others aren’t so fortunate–a visible struggle indicated by the marks on their hands, the bruises on their faces. You hope, no, you know that won’t be you. They couldn’t defend themselves. You can.

You recall the timer that was shown to you before the game started. 30:oo. 30, maybe 25, minutes of hiding from seekers armed with knives and…there’s almost nowhere to hide. Just open space upon open space and the occasional door that leads into a regular room. And your key doesn’t open all of them. And where is everyone? Not that you’d like to know.

It seems they’d find you anyway. A sound around the corner. You freeze in place.

Then a woman peeks out, and from her body language you would almost guess she was a hider until she lunges for you, and the red plastered on her chest becomes apparent. You gasp, holding your knife out and turning it over in your fingers to stab instead of thrust, and it sinks into her throat just as hers skewers your side. You cry out in pain. 

“Nam-gyu,” you weakly call, like a contemplative praying to their God, and think, If there is one, it sure as hell wants me dead. You don’t realize how oblivious Nam-gyu is in his hazy bloodlust, and just how far from God he was at that moment.

“She’s gonna be glad we’re helping out here,” Nam-gyu hums happily, his partner leading him around aimlessly to find more people. 2 people down so far–a trail of blood left in the pair’s wake. “Thank me later and all that.” 

“You’re a thing?” 333 mindlessly questions, more invested in checking each and every corner and never missing a room.

“I guess you could say that,” Nam-gyu says smugly, “It’s better than whatever you and your girl had.” 

333 bites his lip and holds back a retort. 

“Oops. Did I strike a nerve?” 

“Is she your replacement for Thanos?” 

“Fuck off,” Nam-gyu grunts, tight-lipped smile unwavering. “Thanos treated me like a fucking idiot.” 

“She doesn’t?” 

Nam-gyu chuckles. “No. More like an equal.” He backpedals in front of 333, taunting, antagonizing.

“Strangers in the night,” he babbles on, “Exchanging glances…” 

His singing echoes down the hallways, more eerie than charming. He wonders if you can hear it, if you can hear his declaration of love to you and the length’s he’s willing to go to keep you, to make you happy. His assurance that he’ll get you out, do whatever you want. Take you to see the stars, let the scars on his veins fade, commit to you and you only–whatever you want out there, he’d do it.

21:03, the clock reads ominously. 

Your knife digs further into the woman’s corpse. With a twist, you finally pull it out and scoot back frantically on your ass. Her blood, now staining your hands and jacket, is still warm. She’s barely breathing, a disgustingly horrific, rumbly wheeze that sounds like an animal snorting in anger.

You’ve never been so close to death before. Never been so close to a corpse to see the way it slowly stiffens, loses the warmth it had maintained for years upon years upon your doing. You didn’t mean to absolutely mangle this poor woman–only to defend yourself.

From behind you hear rushed footsteps. The way they fall upon the ground makes you think it's Nam-gyu, here to check on you, to be done with the killing and all, to tell you good job for using what he gave you and being so brave–but when you turn it’s someone else completely. 007. Someone you hadn't yet encountered through the games. Often with his mother, you noticed.

Your knife raises instantly, yet your shaking resonates straight through it. His eyes are wide, mirroring your own, almost like he’s the one wearing a blue vest and not you. You stare back at each other, equally terrified.

“Don’t,” you breathe, “Please.” 

“I haven’t…got anyone…” 007 inches towards you, trembling. You shuffle back. “I-I need to pass. I’m sorry.”

He says this and looks like he couldn’t kill a fly if he tried. Like one lazy swipe from your knife would send him racing back to his mother. 

“Find someone else,” you growl, tone turning into something nasty, yet tears prick at your eyes. Adrenaline is speaking for you. “I’ll fucking kill you. Do you hear me?” 

He looks to his left, then his right, as if considering your suggestion. Then he rolls his shoulders, and you watch carefully when he shifts his feet into position. 

He pounces, and suddenly you feel like prey struggling with a predator. He’s not big by any means, but he easily takes you down, straddling you on the floor. The wind is knocked out of you, and you wheeze pathetically. Knives clash. The sound grates against your ears, rings out in the empty space and bounces off the walls. You yelp, legs wrestling around his form for a foothold, whether it be on his chest, or better yet, his face. 

You don’t mean to kick him in the groin, but when you do, he immediately tumbles back. You scramble for footing. The gates of heaven are wide open, and they’re right in front of you. You barely make it past him before his hand on your ankle sends you and your dreams cascading right back down to earth. 

“Get off!” Comes your howl, and everyone in the damn maze must’ve heard it. Helpless under him, the peak of the cartoonishly colorful knife is aimed straight at your sternum. Hands fly up to the knife to resist. You don’t even feel the pain that rips through your palms and fingertips when they snap shut around the blade.

“I’m sorry,” 007 repeats, eyes shut tight so as to not witness the mess of his own doing. Your hands are so sweaty that your grip on his knife falters. Maybe it’s blood. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” 

Hot blood trails down your arms. Your blood.

So don’t die, he repeats in your head when your hands slip off the razor sharp edge and up to the handle. I’ll be back. 

Nam-gyu has his back to the hall behind him. He stands above the corpse him and 333 just slaughtered only to hear the commotion behind him. The two men turn, unable to see who was the victim, only that the curly-haired man was stumbling after his own feet trying to gain on someone. His heart pounds through his drug-induced haze. It couldn’t be you. You had come this far, and you were good at staying hidden. But what if it was? 

“I should’ve brought her with us,” Nam-gyu says absentmindedly as 333 tugs the key off the corpse on the ground.

“What?” 

“Forget it.” He waves his knife in dismissal. 

“Get going, then. Someone’s down this way.”  

“Yeah,” Nam-gyu does a double take down the corridor, then reluctantly follows along, until he hears someone scream. It’s you, and 333 doesn’t understand why Nam-gyu bolts back the way they came, back to the path 007 had taken. Nam-gyu ignores his friend’s call of confusion.

Thoughts race through his mind, mostly concerning you. He shouldn’t have left you alone, left you while you were in such a fragile state, knowing exactly what kind of people were out to kill you, because they were just like him–greedy, selfish, only living to please themselves and no one else. Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck…

You’re already dead by the time he reaches you. He barely spares a glance at 007, who’s huddled in the corner, shell-shocked at the atrocity he had just committed. The four-eyed man witnesses a crazed Nam-gyu shake your corpse, already turning cold, and mumble something akin to gibberish mixed around with your name while stroking your hair. He doesn’t hear what 333 says to him.It’s muffled, and you can’t be sure you hear the right words, but the last thing you catch is on the loudspeaker: Player 421, eliminated. Though your last moments were spent in pain and terrible fear, at least you had faded away looking up at the stars, just like you had done night after starry night.

[hadesoftheladies]

“your dreams were dead before they named you, baby girl”

i'm baffled by how you think this post contradicts my separatist sentiments, many of which i have outlined on this blog in recent months. i have disagreed with users who have refused to deconstruct the construct of het-marriage and dating or use lesbophobic/generally poor arguments against separatism. i have also consistently called out the gross, vulgar language some radblr users have thrown on het-partnered users. i can do both. also, my personal rants and opinions on dating and marriage have also been labelled as such on this blog. you can be a separatist and not a radfem the same way you can be not a separatist and a radfem. there is nothing in radical feminist theory that excludes het-partnered women from using that label. that is a fact. separatism is a subculture of radical feminism. it is not itself radical feminism. i am a proponent of both.

not only that, but i have called marrying men "non-feminist." that doesn't mean the women who do can't be feminist. it means feminists can do non-feminist actions. i've made at least two posts saying that.

A handful of angry young women talking shit about women who date men cannot come close to the damage it does to have the whole of society telling straight teenage girls “yeah, you have to be careful not to get raped, yeah you have to be careful not to end up with a man who’ll beat you up and then kill you when you try to leave, but it’s up to you to Pick Well! No one likes a spinster!”

okay? again, i fail to see how this is relevant to this post. women are allowed to be angry and messy. even feminists. but being bitter isn't a feminist strategy. being hostile toward women who make different choices is not furthering feminism or raising female-consciousness. i'm not saying women hating on het-culture are immoral. i'm saying it isn't activism, lol. i do, however, draw the line at bullying. as for me personally, while i do rant and make space for other non-het-partnered women to rant, i don't actually believe my rants are somehow feminist action. bc they're not. they're just rants.

Oooooooh, you’ll take away my radfem card! Good thing my radfem card isn’t where my voice lives.

you're the one who inserted yourself into this post. if you feel called out by it, then that's that i guess. i can't take anything from you, lol. i'm literally just talking theory.

As for socialism, while I support it, it sure would be nice if you’d tell socialists to clean up their misogyny too.

now see, this is where socfems and marxfems gag y'all. quite a number of you have started talking about politics like you're ordering off of amazon. "i want my socialism less misogynist please." "i want my pride events less misogynist, thank you." if you want political movements to be less misogynistic, guess what? you have to join them and get more women to join them. you have to be a part of it to change it. you have to fight for it yourself. you have to actually BE a socialist working with other socialists and teaching them how to work with WOMEN. it has to be YOU. but y'all don't like that. so you'll just keep complaining about how misogynistic this and that political party is. this whole world is misogynistic. it only got less misogynistic when women threw themselves into the mess and fought like hell for change. they didn't tut online about how they deserved better.

and let me say this. as much as i believe i've been mostly consistent in terms of my values and beliefs in what i blog about, i definitely come across some of my old posts and disagree with them. some i've deleted, some i've been deconstructing or choose to leave up as proof of my journey and imperfections. because i am constantly growing, and i'm happy to change and mature for the better. i've been reading more theory and learning more about how to involve myself with irl activism. i'm not perfect, but i'm serious about it, and that's why i keep trying and keep learning and keep pushing. i've also talked to women different from me and tried to understand their perspectives, and they've definitely influenced my journey. (shout-out to @djuvlipen, @paleo-violet and @not-yet-so-broken and many more who have unfortunately left tumblr for their insights and callouts!)

so if my tone seems different, then i'm glad for it. i feel more level-headed about things than i used to be.

it's so funny seeing "radfems" call themselves that and claim a need to "gatekeep the movement from corruption" when they don't even believe in feminism: the collective political action that furthers women's liberation beccause they a) don't believe in women's liberation as like a real thing that can happen, or feminist progress as real or evident and b) have zero intersectionality or socialist political views. i promise the women who do a and b but are married to men are more in line with radical feminism on here than these doomers. radical feminism isn't a "correct opinion." it's political action that benefits the collective. if you're just a separatist that yells on the internet and nothing else, you're neither radical nor a feminist. so many radblr users these days are radicalized instead of radical. like i promise you there's a difference.

[sweatinghoneybee]

Heck yeah I've found a good genderbend hiccastrid fanfic!!! I've found this fic and I literally binged read it in a day and just reread the chapters over and over cause like it combines two things that i love which is httyd and genderbend, and since I love it so much I was like "you know what let's make a fanart of it as like a mini celebration of it almost finishing!" Which btw this fic is only one chapter away from completing which I must say the author is MVP for not only finishing the whole thing but also like they update it weekly from start to finish which i must say deserves the applause for the consistency alone! (⁠つ⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)⁠つ

For like the three drawings that i made i just sorta want a drawing of this version of Hiccup in the story (her name is Hilde btw in the story), a drawing of Hilde and Arne (the story’s version of Astrid) in a nutshell of a meme that i just thought fit them so well, and finally the author’s oc in the story who is the mother of Arne here.

Honestly not much to say about the design cause i was just trying to get them as close of a description that i got while reading and i just hope i did it well cause like the characters weren’t described on what they wore so i just hope i did them justice especially with Hilde and Arne cause they’re the main focus in the story, also i hope i drew Toothless good enought cause damnit i’m not good at drawing animals and i’m gonna be so disappointed in myself on not doing him justice (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

First drawing i just wanted to draw Hilde standing menacingly with Toothless tho i want to make a contrast between her and Toothless badassery with her terrible terror friend smiling happily nuzzling to her finger cause i wanted to show how cool Hilde is while also sorta hinting on how caring she is! (The terror’s name is Sharpshot btw in the story) (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

Second drawing, honestly just me wanting to draw out Hilde and Arne in that meme cause it just fits them too well with at least the first few chapters of them interacting, tho i think i made Hilde alittle too aggressive but for Arne’s love struckness tho i’m not sure if i’m correct or am i showing not enough of how much this guy fell hard for his girl, also just thought it’d be funny with them in this intense situation but their lighting is romantic as if the world is saying “kiss already!” (⁠｡⁠・⁠/⁠/⁠ε⁠/⁠/⁠・⁠｡⁠)

Third drawing, wanted to draw Ingrid cause she’s the absolute best girl besides Hilde in the background with her motherly unconditional love of her son so i say she deserves to be drawn, and again i just hope i did her justice like in her story (⁠づ⁠｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡⁠)⁠づ

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

If anyone is wondering what i’m talking about this is a fic by Burnt_Ashes that i read on ao3 that i’ll summarize with

“Hiccup and Astrid swapped genders named Hilde and Arne where Hilde is unknowingly folowing in her mother’s footsteps becoming a badass 'crazy' dragon lady and Arne wanted to find her bc of a problem that is going on like in the canon of the first film which hasn’t resolved yet cause the girl was so done which he ended up falling head first to the sea stack cause he has a type which is a girl that can literally just kill him if she wants to”

If any of you are interested pls check out the fic that i linked! Come on and join the fun cause next week the fic will be finishing with the final chapter coming out of this story so hurry up! Pls also give the author some love cause they worked really hard on it cause they literally studied in history major and put all that they have studied in their major for this story which if this isn’t effort than i don’t know what is! So give them lots of love for their hard work kay? ＼⁠(⁠^⁠o⁠^⁠)⁠／

https://archiveofourown.org/works/59395678/chapters/151473307

[salesmancarddd]

MY NAME x SICK!Reader HC

⊹ ࣪ ˖ (what would they do if their s/o was sick)

✶ Characters: Choi Mujin, Jung Tae-ju, Do Gangjae,Jeon Pil-Do

TW: If you feel uncomfortable reading about some of these character/s free skip (if I missed any tags on here I'll add)

A/N: I miss writing something for this fandom

MASTERLIST ⊹ ࣪ ˖ DIVIDER CREDIT ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Choi Mujin

✦ He would cancel all of his meetings that day to ensure you have everything you need, even if it means staying at home so he can check on you.

✦ Mujin would never admit it aloud, but he would be incredibly worried and anxious about their health and recovery. His tough exterior would often show small hints of vulnerability, especially during late night check ins.

✦ Mujin doesn't like physical touches that much, but when you're sick, he'll consistently hold your hand or touch your forehead to check your temperature (he secretly enjoys it)

✦ He has his own "personal" professional doctors which means you'll not go to hospital if you're sick, the doctors will always come by to check up on you, and give you proper medicine

✦ His concern would be further heightened of you if you were coughing excessively or having a high fever. He'd likely be checking your temperature every few hours.

✦ Sometimes when he's really busy he'll order his best doctor to look after you and, uptade him if anything happens every hour or so (he trusts the doctor since his life is on the line anway, if he does something to you)

Mujin was sitting at the edge of their bed, watching the rise and fall of your chest as you slept. He's been there for a while, unable to take his eyes off of you.

As you stir and open your eyes, Mujin's gaze immediately flickers over to you.

"You're awake. How are you feeling?

"Im feeling okay, you don't have to worry that much" your tone was soft, could be confusing for a whisper almost.

Mujin gives you a look that says he doesn't quite believe you. He reaches out to feel your forehead, his touch surprisingly soft.

"You're burning up. You're not 'okay.' Stop being stubborn."

"But I'm fine" he scoffs at your stubborn answer.

"You're not 'fine.' You're sick. Your body needs rest and care" you cups his cheeks

"You're treating me like a child now cmon" You say that with a playful pouty face, a hint of a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

"Well, when you act like a stubborn child, I have to treat you like one."

"Cmon onn" she whines, you let go of his cheeks before coughing

Mujin chuckles softly at your whiny tone, his expression softening slightly as he watches you cough.

"See? You're even coughing, and yet you still insist you're fine." You look at him with an annoyed look in your eyes. Not only is he right about that, but also the fact that he defended you.

"Just give in to the care, alright? You need it. Stop being a stubborn princess." before kissing you on the forehead

"Now take some rest"

✦ Whenever you complain about being bored while stuck in bed, Mujin can't help but have a small smirk at your whining. Secretly, he finds it cute, but he'd never outright say it.

✦ Mujin can be surprisingly clingy when you're being unwell. He constantly finds excuses to touch you and be near you , whether it's gently running his fingers through your hair or holding your hand while they sip broth.

Jung Tae-ju

✦ This may be shocking some but he's opposite of Mujin very much opposite, when it comes to treating you.

✦ if you're throwing up he'll sit by the side of the bed and hold your hair back the whole time.

he'd probably tell you you're being dramatic and it's "just a cold" but he'll still rub your back and stuff when you're trying to sleep.

✦he hates how clingy you are when you're sick he finds it annoying, even tho he loves you he still considers your behavior childish just cause your sick

✦ He does find it cute when you fall asleep hugging his arm because you're "so fragile and helpless", so he'll still let you do it, but he'll roll his eyes and tell you you're being annoying.

✦ he's not a big fan of your constant complaining and whining about being cold and sick and "too tired to do anything" he gets impatient very easily and you constantly going on about not feeling good is super annoying to him. he always tells you that there "there's no reason to be so dramatic" and it's "just a cold", and that you're "being overdramatic and a crybaby".

✦ Nevertheless he'll still check up on you when you're sleeping, touching your forehead, and checking what meds you need to take tomorrow or late on, he'll secretly leave your meds on table with frash water, right on the time when you need to take them.

You were lying in bed, covered in sheets and blankets that you thought were gonna sweat to death under.

your head was pounding, you had a stuffy nose, a sore throat, and an upset stomach. you'd been curled up in bed all day trying to get some sleep, but with the amount of discomfort you were in, it was practically impossible for you to get any rest.

you hear the bedroom door open and Taeju walks in, with a frown on his face.

he stood in the doorway, staring at you as you were buried under the covers. he saw the sweat on your forehead and the pale color on your cheeks, and he knew you were feeling unwell. he walked over to the bed and sat down, reaching out to touch your forehead to check your temperature.

he sighed and shook his head, mumbling under his breath "you're burning up."

"I feel.. like I'm going to throw up.." he sighed again as you spoke, seeing the look on your face. he could tell you were feeling weak.

"Of course you are.." he said, his voice sounding a bit annoyed.

"You've been in bed all day feeling sorry for yourself because of a stupid cold."

"What else am I suppose to do? I can't do anything.."

"You've got a cold, not a broken leg. It's not going to kill you if you get out of bed and do something productive instead of laying around whining about how awful you're feeling."

"Just get out if you're gonna just say same things over and over! you aren't in my body to understand this.." you say, as you turn your back on him not facing him.

"Oh my God," he said, his voice growing harsher. "You're being ridiculous. You act like having a little cold is the end of the world, it's just a goddamn cold." there was a long silence between you two

He stood up from the bed and looked down at you, his expression a mix of annoyance and irritation, before leaving.

Later that night, he snuck into the room, seeing you in the same position as when he left. He stepped in quietly and walked up to you, placing his head on your forehead to check on you.

That night, he left medicine and a hot cup of tea. He looked at you sleeping peacefully before kissing your forehead and quietly walking out. He might be cold, but he still loves you and worries about you, even though he doesn't want to admit it. He tends to keep things formal, even though it's obvious how easily he gets angry at his work just the smallest thing can make him snap.

Do Gangjae

✦ Surprisingly enough, if you get sick, he'll become extremely overprotective making sure that you eat enough, drink enough, and stay in bed resting. He'll also get you whatever you need. Although he can be very rude and short-tempered, he'll be very kind to you at least, he'll try to be

✦ He'll be with you 24/7 sometimes, just to make sure you're okay or need something, he'll even stop taking drugs and stop hanging out with his pals.

✦ He'll force soup and vitamins down their throat if you refuse to eat, he doesn't like forcing you but, how he sees your state he needs to.

✦ He loves to hold your hand alot or being near you, he's very clingy with you especially when you got sick, which is something he was never that clingy

✦ for his rude side he'll threaten you if you try to walk around or do anything that isn't laying in bed resting, even tho he means good, he does wrong.

✦ Despise him being total puppy to you, he can be extremely aggressive to other people since that's the way he takes out his anger for you being sick, when he comes back home with bloody fist, bloody face and shirt, he usually finds you sleeping you look peaceful and lovely, that makes him forget about everything else that happened that day

After a long day of work, he comes back home, and as he's walking up the walkway, he notices the kitchen light on from the window. He's slightly confused, knowing you're sick and knowing you should be in bed. He quickly unlocks the door and walks in

"Babe..? Why the hell are you out of bed?"

"Oh! hi honey.. I just wanted to cook something while you were away" you say that as you cough

he walks over to you he looks at you with a frown as he places his hand on your forehead

"You're burning up… why the hell are you up cooking? You should be in bed, you know better than to be standing around"

"It's fine don't worry" she smiles at him, he knows that smile was fake.

he takes a deep sigh, annoyed that you're up and standing about while sick.

"No, it isnt fine. C'mere.."

he grabs your wrist and starts to lead you out of the kitchen and towards the bedroom

"but I'm fine! you don't have to worry about it" you grab his hand stopping him from walking

he stops walking and looks at you

"Don't give me that bullshit, you're not gonna convince me that you're "fine". You're sick and you need to be resting. So stop talking and get your ass in bed"

"How about no hmm?" she almost giggled at that comment seeing his reaction was precious

his eye slightly twitch, clearly he doesn't like that response

"Don't test me, your ass is not supposed to be standing around right now."

"Well I guess I'm standing now, suprise" he sighed, he knows she's being playful with him in this moment, which he finds it adorable but, at the same time irritating

he grabs you by the waist and picks you up without much effort, he slings you over his shoulder as if carrying you like a sack of potatoes. And he walks into the bedroom and drops you on the bed, watching at you bounce on the mattress as a small smirk spreads on his face

"Hey! not fair" you whine, he chuckles as he places a hand on your forehead again, feeling your high temperature

"Shut up and stop fighting. You're sick and that means you need to be resting. Which means you're not leaving this bed until I say so."

Jeon Pil-Do

✦ When he sees you throwing up, he's completely unprepared and has no idea what to do. He tries to help by holding your hair, but he's extremely clumsy about it.

✦ He would cook for you anything you ask for, he'll try to make it. Though he's clumsy in the kitchen, he does his best to make it seem like he's got everything under control, even while he's panicking inside.

✦ He definitely has a book about how to help a sick person. He even discusses it with his coworkers or friends to get advice on what to do.

✦ He's very touchy, especially now that you're sick he either wants to hold your hands, touch your forehead, or play with your hair. He's all over it, showing how much he cares.

✦ In the mornings before he leaves for work, he'll make you soup and leave you medicine to take. He knows when you wake up and reminds you to take it. Sometimes, he'll even leave a sticky note on the fridge saying, "Take your medicine, I left you soup. Love you."

He opens the door to share bedroom and sees you lying on the bed looking exhausted and sick. He walks closer to the bed and sits down carefully on the edge of it.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asks in a soft tone, his voice filled with concern. He reaches out and places a hand on your forehead to check if you have a fever.

"I'm doing much better now" he smiles slightly, glad to hear that you're feeling better. But he still looks concerned.

"That's good to hear, but don't push yourself too much, okay? You still need to rest and recover."

"Don't worry I know honey" he chuckles a little at your reassurance. He knows that you're trying to act strong but he can see right through it.

"You know I'm going to worry no matter what," he says softly, his hand gently running through your hair.

she nods relaxing in his touch

he continues to gently play with your hair, his touch both comforting and soothing. After a moment, he speaks up again.

"Hey, I was thinking... maybe we could watch a movie together? It'll help take your mind off things and it'd be fun. What do you think?"

"Sure why not sounds fun" he smiles warmly, clearly pleased that you agreed to his suggestion. He stands up from the bed.

"Great! I'll go grab some pillows and blankets to make it cozy. You just relax and get comfortable, okay?" you nodded

That night, both of you watched a movie before you drifted off to sleep on his shoulder, which made him smile.

[sleepingdeath-superlight]

random fluff hcs ; the imperial family

‘random fluff hcs with members of the imperial family that have appeared in the anime so far’

anshi / yang / zuigetsu (jinshi) x gender neutral ! reader insert

requested by nobody / self indulgent

lady anshi / empress dowager

stares at you more often than she’d care to admit — usually when you’re distracted with a hobby you’re really into, or a discussion you’re very invested in, or a job you’re very focused on, because she thinks you look your best when you’re too caught up in the moment to try and look ‘presentable’ or ‘acceptable’

she’s said before that, while she loves her sons and grandchildren, she wishes that she could have met you sooner — but she also tries her best not to dwell on the past and all of the ‘what if’s, so this particular topic of conversation is one that very rarely comes up (and only when she’s especially sentimental… or a bit intoxicated)

most of the time you two spend with each other consists of lounging in the privacy of her home where she doesn’t have to worry about how she’s perceived — it’s quiet and intimate, perhaps a bit suffocating sometimes, but you two make do

you’re the only one who is actually able to make her laugh these days. not a polite smile or the warm chuckle she offers when she’s amused in public, but a genuine laugh that leaves her cheeks slightly flushed and her sides aching

has briefly considered making you one of her head servants (in name only, obviously) just so she can go outside with you without risking some sort of scandal

ka yang / the emperor

because of how vital his role is and how politically disastrous it would be for him to show any outward or overt favouritism towards you, he’s unable to see you in person anywhere near as much as he would like. so to remedy this he makes a point of sending you letters or ‘anonymous’ gifts whenever he gets the chance

jokes around with you a lot when you’re alone and you’re one of a very small selection of people that he allows himself to just be ‘yang’ with instead of the emperor

keeps note of your specific interests and makes sure he always has something related to give you whenever he gets the chance to see you in person

he doesn’t really use any sort of pet names, either in public or in private, but when you’re alone he won’t stop you from using terms of endearment with him — just as long as you stick to the more traditional ones because, being completely honest, ‘baby’ and ‘cutie’ really don’t sound very befitting of the emperor (even if he finds them particularly amusing)

if you’re from a country outside of li, he will make sure that you always have access to things from your homeland — be that food, drink, clothes, books, or whatever else. of course he wants you to feel comfortable and at home here, but he also doesn’t want you to feel too homesick so he does what he can to prevent it

ka zuigetsu / master jinshi / the moon prince

gives you gifts a lot — either in person or by proxy of gaoshun when he’s unable to make the delivery himself for whatever reason — and he will pout and get all childish and huffy when you try and refuse the things he buys you (just let him spoil you, pretty please?)

he’s a very clingy and affectionate drunk… do with that whatever you will

sleeps best with you curled up against his side or laying comfortably on top of his chest — even asks you to do this in the height of summer and will pout if you try and reason with him about how unbearably hot you’ll both get

smiles so brightly whenever he sees you wearing one of the hairpins he’s gifted to you — or any other gift for that matter… he just likes it when you advertise your commitment to him in general, honestly

very protective over you and hates to see you injured or sick or upset (even if only slightly), and while his hands may be tied a lot of the time he does do whatever he can to take care of you and to ensure that the person who hurt you receives some sort of punishment in return

on days where he has no meetings scheduled, he has been known to finish his paperwork as quickly as possible just so he can surprise you at home or at work

[thatemoartist]

So....I went back to the drawing board for my Ultrakill AU: Heavenly Blossoms of Love (I am changing the title.) and after some rewrites, axed characters, and added characters... As well as AU lore... I finally have something... Decent actually!

New Title: Ultrakill: Purpose AU

Why Purpose? Because that's largely the theme of this AU... Everyone is either finding purpose, or understanding their purpose... Or realizing their differences hold their own purposes.

The main cast consists of Gabriel, V1 (Now named Eddie), and 2 OCs: Maya (Gabriel's student/daughter figure), and Cyrilis (a young angel whom Gabriel took under his wing (no pun intended.)

Story of each:

Gabriel: He was assigned to watch over/raise Maya by The Creator (God), the purpose was for the Sword of Heaven himself to learn gentleness through fatherhood which he does. Through raising Maya and learning gentleness, he takes Cyrilis under his wing, and he even shows mercy to V1 (more on that later.) Gabriel's still himself, but now he has that gentle, parental edge to him. He's the leader, mentor, and father of this group.

Eddie/V1: Eddie gains a new purpose after being destroyed, rebuilt, and cleansed by Gabriel... He learns to value things and not kill everything in sight. He learns the concept of family through his siblings relationship with Maya. He learns loyalty to a team... So essentially, the formerly bloodthirsty machine gains his purpose through his newfound humanity. Also... Eddie was the new name given to him but Maya (because V1 sounded weird to her). He's aloof, childish, just trying to understand himself and this family.

Maya: The (somewhat) adopted daughter of Gabriel... She's a human (sticks out in such a roster, eh?) She was assigned to Gabriel by the Creator... Gabriel was reluctant to raise her at first... But she grew on him. He trained her body and taught her how to wield heavenly powers. She's a bubbly, and intelligent young lady, with a silly streak!

Cyrilis: A young lower level angel who felt purposeless and lost... Until Gabriel decided to teach him... This Tagalong student becomes part of this family unit! Despite him trying to be serious at all times, he's actually quite a funny guy.

The three: Maya, Eddie, and Cyrilis are trained by Gabriel himself and they become his team, his unit.

Like, this AU could be a mixture of action (As Ultrakill is action based) and slice of life moments amongst the four (because I wanted the AU to be a bit wholesome.)

I like this idea WAYYY MORE than what I originally had!!!

What do you think though?

[chirrups]

more mer hermit?

Port Jackson or tawny nurse mumbo?

Leopard shark Grian?

banded bamboo shark/blacktip reef shark Gem?

of course, it's mer-may afterall!

[tj-crochets]

My mothman hair clip from @shopwitchvamp arrived! It’s so darn cute, even when I just put it in my hair by feel and didn’t use a mirror to see what I was doing so one of his antennae is a little covered by hair, but that’s okay lol

[vivitalks]

[lemongogo]

anyways . silly thing

[droodlebug]

Tempo screenshot collection he is gorgeous he's transgender he's a crow he swings a big axe around. he's got it all. he's impulsive and quick to be like "oh no im failing everyone aren't i shit" i love himb and the 6 hours we've spent together so far

[fedoraspooky]

The downside of having an old west gunslinger type character for a dungeons and dragons 5e game is that now i have to learn how the heck to draw guns

[maraschinotopped]

ive been staring at the naqtube channel page just doing analysis thoughts in my head for like 15 minutes and ive just been hit with the realization that Damn this is not normal. normal people dont do this. either the mental illness or the mild sickness is doing something to me right now.

[youkaigakkou-tl]

Spin-off Chapter 38

And that wraps up this arc!

Also, yoseito is going on hiatus until fall/winter because sensei wants to focus on the main story! o7 terrified for what sensei's cooking

(Also on mangadex)