#although i normally am good about understanding movies/tv shows there is a chance this just went all above my head and that i have compl

[l0v3c0r3e]

i need opinions on the barbie movie from the ppl who have seen it as i really want to love and understand this movie more but i can't

[lazycheesecakeee]

Stray kids as love languages

Ok so I started thinking and that’s never good and somehow this got CHUNKY AF :))) But I hope you enjoy reading my messy thoughts about skz expressing love :)

Bang Chan

Giving: Gifts/Words of affirmation

Yeah SO… we all know how he always seems to always give the closest people to him, like everything, including the moon and a fucking rocket to the moon as well, and build it too, that before he gets anything at all? He is definitely a giver. He buys food, drinks, anything.

Anything you would accomplish, no matter how small would be an excuse for him to go out and buy you a meal and while you are there, if you only happen to glance at something twice, you already have it? Yeah you might feel bad and try to pay or say “stop giving me things all the time” but he would not stop and he would buy you the thing and shower you with praises for how well you did, even if you think it is not such a big deal.

You have a normal day when nothing happened? You go to the store together, he pays. He comes to visit you randomly. On the way he buys a flower and a random chocolate or a drink because he remembers somehow that you said you wanted to try it like 3 months ago. And the list never ends. He has a good sense for what people want too. So if you are close to him he gives you EVERYTHING. Showers of praises and all of his fucking money :)))) BOY HAS NO LIMITS.

Receiving: words of affirmation

Listennnn, as much as he gives and never stops, like NEVER. (Take his credit card away lmaoooo), when you acknowledge his little appreciations and thank him sweetly or give him a hug to let him know you are grateful, he gets immense satisfaction. I feel like he is the one to give but if he feels like he is used in the slightest he definetly cuts the rope short real FUCKING FAST.

I feel like he def is SUCH a sucker for appreciation and words of affirmation AND COMPLIMETS. He wants to feel needed and like his efforts are worth it. And giving him the verbal queue that his efforts don’t go unnoticed, that despite his busy schedule you appreciate the time with him, that his hard work and struggles to be the best are worth it, that the nights in the studio are fruitful and he is doing a good job, THAT would really make his entire day and his anxieties dissipate. Let him know he is wanted. Poor baby someone give him a sleep schedule too and some melatonin :)))))

Lee Know/Minho

Giving: Acts of service

He def strikes as one weird cranky, moody, annoying bitch with his behaviour but if you pay closer attention he is actually so observant and thoughtful/caring. He seems like you would not want to go to him for things but I actually think that if you take the time and grow close to him he is one of the most caring and protective people tbh.

Like it’s in his nature to pay attention to what close ones are doing, their schedules, interests and habits. He is the kind of person to never purposefully say or make a fuss out of doing something but somehow he knows you need something or you want something. And he buys the thing and puts it in the fridge. Or changes the sheets because he feels you are too sad and unmotivated and that would be good. Or buys something definitely because “he wanted it” but gets more, and a side of the thing you like a lot, because “it was there”, definitely not because he thought of you and that it would bring you joy. Or he would like pick a prescription for you or refill your water bottle before leaving or tell you to bring band-aids because you complained those shoes hurt you. Or tell me this boy would not chop the onions for the pasta sauce so you don’t ruin your mascara (I am not sobbing you are).  And he somehow fits himself in and things add up so well and your life is so much easier despite him claiming he „did nothing”.

Receiving: Words of affirmation

Although it doesn’t seem like it, something tells me it’s true. I read on an internet thing that people that seem cold and don’t want/seem to have the need for verbal affirmation and validation from strangers get actually more satisfaction from it than people who say it explicitly.

He also def strikes me like he was raised to be tough, to recover fast, to not be a cry baby and just get up and do the job, suck it up, be strong and independent. A little bit of trust issues into the mix as well ☹ You can actually kinda see a sort of anxious behaviour type of thing in him. So I feel like if you actually grow closer to him (ahem Jisung), acknowledging his efforts and how he makes your life easier, THAT would bring out the asshole being like “oh really? Hm interesting you think I do so much for you huh?” but he actually does thooo and you saying it would bring him like so much joy and make his heart happy.

Like each time you give him a compliment TM he would act like “yeah I know” or act disgusted but high key it soothes his spirit and ego when you say such things. He just loooves to hear how much you loved something he cooked or how attractive he was while dancing or how he was really thoughtful, and you appreciate it sm. He seems to have the nature to give, and he seems to expect to go unnoticed but when and if you do acknowledge his heart is actually swooning over it.

Changbin

Giving: Physical touch/Gifts

I think he would be the type to bring weird things to you for no reason along with 1000 kisses and a hug that is a bit too tight you know? Like his mind gets occupied with you if you are close.

And like he saw this weird card at the store or a little figurine or something which has a weird patters and he thought “Hm they must see this. They would like this strange ass thing I bought which was overpriced”. And when he gives you the thing you give like an odd smile and in your eyes is a „love you but wtf is this” and he would take your hands and look down and kiss them and say “I don’t know i thought you might like it?” And you would tease each other and he would start doing ayego and get really shy and just hug you again and place his head in your neck to avoid the eye contact, then lift you up and spin you and from there you have no chances of escaping the embrace TM.

Receiving: Physical touch

I feel like he would be a sucker for physical touch as your love language as well. If you reciprocate hugs, kisses and stuff. You know he seems like the kind to find comfort in holding you for no reason, like a hand on the knee or on your waist and if you two are comfy and give him little pets, stroke his hair, place your hand on his shoulder or biceps or take his hand with both yours or grab his middle randomly, he would swoon. Also you clinging to him and letting him cling to you I think is like thing he wishes for most tbh:) I feel like he feels safety and love by holding onto you and you onto him like he can protect you. He would like to know you trust him with that, ya know? Like he is a strong bitch ready to fight anyone coming at you and can protect you but is also your smol koala child which you can never escape.

Hyunjin

Giving: physical touch

Now this might seem weird to you BUT. He seems like he touches people out of nowhere sometimes and kinda clings. Not like all the time but enough. Like he likes being really close to you if he is close to you, you know?. He would be all up in your face with his weird ass mannerisms and humour but if they are reciprocated and he feels safe and good around you he naturally starts to cling if that makes sense? Like in a way a sort of telling others: “mine, you cannot have them before me” but also in the sense that you know he would do anything for you if you ask in those instances. Like YO, you have me, soul and body next to you, I am here :)))

Like he doesn’t seem like the type to buy things a lot (cheap ass I see you :)))) although he would sometimes) But he makes up by being there and encouraging you despite not knowing how to act or what to say all the time, he lets you know you can count on him and he is there. I feel like his touch expresses appreciation.

Receiving: words of affirmation/quality time

He strikes me as attention demanding lmao:)) OH I am yours pay attention to me I am your baby I require love and affection, undivided.

So if you make time to have lunch with him or have conversations before bed in peace (my dude seems like his thoughts overwhelm him all the time and honestly same :/ it’s kinda yikes tbh), or watch a movie/tv show, or just be in his presence when he is both excited or down, and listen to him rant and give him solutions or rant with him about random subjects and jumping around between them subjects, you would get all the uwus and he would probably be ready to dedicate his entire existence to your well being and desires.

He is just like that, a dramatic ass with overly changing emotions who wants a good connection, like a genuine one, where hours go by and someone truly understands him and things flow, ya know? (seems like the type to believe in fate type of love, which I find interesting)

Han Jisung

Giving: Physical touch/ Words of affirmation

He seems really touchyyyyy TM. But like in the way that shows physical affection because he seems a little insecure? That is kinda what he strikes me as. Like he wants to hold you. He wants to show you have him. He wants to be appreciated :( my child (and bias) help me I am sobbing:))) and he wants to make sure you know he appreciates you just as much.

Like he would hold your hand, hug you a lot or place random kisses and linger in those places? An he would compliment you and tell you your work is amazing and that he is proud and he would make lots of idiotic jokes to cheer you up, no matter the mood (we stan crackhead humour in this household) and he would tell you the most random shit he likes about you. Like “I like your socks” or “you changed your bag” or “the perfume is oddly floral just like your shirt and I like it”.

And he would make random short freestyle raps (kill me now I am in too deep) about you or a random thing you are doing. And he would just linger around you when you are busy and can’t give him attention. He wants to show trust and love through little gestures and trusts you to see them as a sign of his love because you make him happy and all.

Receiving: ALSO Physical touch/words of affirmation idk

I feel like he would like physical touch back? Like he would be fine if you didn’t like it, but like since he is like anxious and (to me) seems like a little overly aware of his “flaws and deficiencies”, he would like to know he has your “hold”. Like some sort of security type of thing.

Like small gestures, your hand on him, a little kiss, a hug, a squish :))), a little grip of reassurance and a nod of “you are doing good”. I think he would be a sucker for that. And also despite him lowkey rejecting your compliments like “yeah I know I am the best”, giving it to him would boost his self-esteem a lot, as I think he has many insecurities and quite a few complexes that are hard to express for him. So that, along with your touch and words to reassure him, he would love and get the idea that you want him close too, that he’s desired enough for you to seek his love, something like “you my dude are seen and loved for who you are”.

Felix

Giving: Giving gifts/Physical touch

He is defiantly a giver. He literally seems like he is so thoughtful and cares so much. Like we all know how his fellow members said he is great at gifts. Well duh. I feel like his gifts are not always big but like a small food or drink he brings because he knows you always love it, a flower he saw in the front of a flower shop he thought was pretty. Something you said you needed (or you didn’t say) but he knows you do need it because he just pays that much attention. A pendant necklace. A ring. A small ice-cream because the day is hot so why not. A donut that had flower sprinkles because you like to post aesthetic foods and so on. You name it. They would not be obnoxious, but it would sure show how much you are occupying his thoughts.

We also always know how he is attached to the hip to the people he is close to and he loves skinship. He said he loves back hugs, hugs, kisses he wants it all:)) So he gives plenty of cuddles for sure. You can never escape the octupus arms as you go to sleep each night, so might as well set up the air conditioning in your house as it’s about to get warm but affection and love above all, right? :)))))))

Receiving: Words of affirmation/Physical touch

I think he thrives if you return his little ministrations of affection. Does it matter? A hug, a kiss, holding him, a little massage, hand size comparison, throwing yourself on top of him on the couch or the bed at the end of the day. He LOVES it. You are also competing with Chan lol but no worries, he has plenty affections for all:))

Also I think he needs reassurance and a sense that people that are closest are proud of what he is doing(wipe your tears bitch). So I think acknowledging his hard work and the fact that he pulls through despite certain mental heath problems and telling him he does an amazing job and complementing his work would definitely mean a lot to him.

But give the boy your affection, A VerY tOucHy BoI. It makes his heart swell with joy knowing you pull him close and feel so much love for him that you don’t hold back from giving. Be an octopus with him tambien😊

Seungmin

Giving: Acts of service

Another one for acts of service. Our smol good boi which somehow does not seem smol at all because he exudes maturity and rationality lmao.

He would be such a servant if he loves you. AND YOU WOULD NOT EVEN NOTICE at first. Like I feel like he does stuff in a way similar to Minho where he makes sure your life is as easy as can be. Like puts your shoes out of the way, checks the weather so you don’t leave dressed inappropriately (forces you to take the puffier jacket despite it not going with your outfit, because “do you want to catch a cold, hm?”), gives you an umbrella. Fixes a random necklace which you broke by accident because he knows it will sit there for like 3 years if it’s in your care, and you like the necklace 😊. Makes sure you eat something healthy too(would definitely bring you washed and cut-up fruits after going out to eat at mcdonalds). And he for sure does not expect you to really notice, but if you do he is getting flustered and runs out the room with a big smile😊 what a baby tm.

Receiving: Acts pf service

I feel like he would appreciate most if you also took time out of your day to ease his life too. I feel like he would feel such relief and happiness and his heart would swell with affection and appreciation if you took on one of his (no matter how insignificant) tasks. Like he would be in a rush to leave and you woke up earlier before work to make him a coffee. Or when he comes home late you already put his clothes on the bed and prepared a bath. Or getting up and asking for extra napkins if he was not given any, or simply asking how can you make his day better. I feel like being helpful and listening and paying close attention to him would be what makes him happiest.

I.N./Jeongin:

Giving: Quality time/Gifts

He gets awkward when he tries to express feelings with words and is def not the most fond of skinship. However, I think if you were close he would be an amazing listener and sit with you and you could both share and grow together so much. He would give you the feeling he is ready to listen and be with you if you need him. 

That and also I feel like when you are out and about it makes him feel good to know he can buy you things you can enjoy, and you are appreciative of them and he has that power to brighten your day and be a mature adult by buying you things, despite not really needing them sometimes.

Receiving: Quality time/Words

You know how he struggled a bit with the dancing at first and you know how the other members say that he does nothing when someone criticizes him, he just goes out of his way to fix his “mistakes”? And also in Vlive when he said he doesn’t like to watch his own fancams because all he sees are his mistakes? My baby seems to have a bit (quite some) of an imposter syndrome and since he is young and everyone teases him, although with love, I feel like it gets a bit uncomfortable and tough. He seems he just wants to keep up, and be the best at what he does but it gets tough when you have to catch up with people who have been doing the thing for many more years than you and you are struggling with your feelings and figuring things out as you grow within a demanding contract. So I think someone to listen to his worries and give him undivided attention without judgement and put in their input without being intrusive would be the most amazing thing to him. That, along with compliments and acknowledgement of his efforts, telling him that he is doing GOOD and you are proud (although he might think that you are just saying it, since he seems to only see ways he needs to improve) would be good at raising his self esteem and encourage him to continue with his hard efforts.

[spiderling-space]

Could I request Yandere Kalim, with Soulmate Au? So Kalim and Reader would be soulmates, and Kalim is yandere for them. I don't mind what kind of soulmate Au, though, it could be timers, names, shared injures.

Although please feel free to reject if you don't want to write this.

I'm going with names since I like that the most.  It became longer than I intended. Around 2,6k words.

PS: Have your individuality in your relationships.

Italics indicate thoughts

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Kalim Al-Asim

Warning: Yandere behaviour, guilt-tripping, gaslighting (passive), unhealthy relationship

It all started when he saw the tattoo on their forearm. "That's me!" He yelled suddenly, staggering back. He then rolled up his sleeve, "Is this your name?" He asked with such excitement that made (Y/N) think he would cry if they said no.

Nevertheless, it was their name. "Yes."

They didn't think they would meet their soulmate in NRC. After the day they met, (Y/N) asked around what type of person Kalim was. Everyone mentioned how different he was from the rest of school, how supportive he was, how he was there for them when needed, the way he radiates positivity everywhere he went and always having a smile on his face. (Y/N) wasn't going to lie. At first, they thought Kalim was faking it since they had seen similar people turning out to be evil in shows and movies they watched and the books they read. However, their opinion of him turned positive after hanging out together and getting to know each other. He was one of the best people they had ever met, had the brightest smile they had ever seen. No one would be able to resist him once he smiled and looked with those bright eyes. (Y/N) was one of them. Kalim had fun ideas but they had responsibilities to take care of, they couldn't spend their entire time with Kalim. But how could they reject Kalim's idea when he looked so heartbroken after saying they were busy? They couldn't. They got into trouble with the academy for not doing or doing sloppy homework and their friends for not spending time together.

Kalim might be their soulmate but that didn't mean they couldn't spend time apart. (Y/N) promised themselves that they would say no to Kalim the next time he asked to hang out together. They were soulmates who would marry one day. If they didn't set the boundaries now, they wouldn't be able to do it in the future. And they certainly didn't want their future life to turn up like that.

Unsurprisingly, Kalim showed up. "(Y/N)!" He kissed their cheek which was another thing they needed to talk about. "How've you been doing? Let's go carpet ride!" He didn't even wait for their response as he grabbed their sleeve and started pulling.

But no more. They were going to take a stand. "Kalim, stop." He didn't seem to hear them and kept pulling but (Y/N) planted themselves like a tree, unmoving. "Kalim, stop." He didn't even look at them. "Kalim!" That got his attention. "We need to talk. Now."

"We can talk on the carpet! C'mon!" He was ever excited but his smile faltered when they didn't cave in. "Are you upset with me?" He asked, giving them puppy dog eyes.

(Y/N) was glad that he at least understood they were upset. "Yes." his smile turned upside down, it was horrible to see him sad. "No!" He smiled once again. "I mean... ugh! I just..."

"I'm glad you aren't upset with me. Let's go!" 

He must have understood that they were conflicted then why was he trying to dismiss it? It was frustrating him. "No! Fuck! I'm so done! I'm trying to have a conversation with you and you just ignore it! Do I not mean anything to you? Do -"

"You mean everything to me!"

"You did it again! You don't even let me finish!" (Y/N) couldn't stop anymore. It was now or never. "You don't care what I want as long as you get to do whatever you want! I hate it! You are suffocating me!" They pinched the bridge of their nose. "Just because we are soulmates doesn't mean we will be together 24/7. Give me a fucking break!" It felt good to spill everything out but they didn't realize the volume of their voice increase nor the people around staring at them. Damn it! Don't people have better things to do? "Can we talk somewhere private and just... uhm... fix the issue?"

Kalim looked like he was about to cry and he might have shed a tear or two, given that he seemed to wipe his eyes. Thankfully, he agreed and they went to his room for privacy. (Y/N) thought they messed up once and wanted to have a calmer discussion with him. They weren't able to sit, nervous about how he would react once he heard everything they wanted to say since just a small outburst made him teary eyes. "I shou-"

"I'm sor-"

They both spoke at the same time. "I need to tell th-"

"I'm sorry for making you feel as if I don't care for you." Kalim walked over (Y/N) and hugged them. "I promise to be a better boyfriend to you!" He kissed their cheek before letting them go. "Let's play- I mean... Do you want to play Mancala? Jamil would bring us snacks and it would be fun!" He acted as if he wasn't on the verge of crying a second ago and dismissed the issue once more but at least he apologized, that was progress.

Still...

"Kalim," They took his hands and led him to sit on his bed. "Thank you for apologizing but we didn't resolve anything. You dismissed what I feel again." They liked him, he was a good man but he just needed to listen to them. They believed he could change. "I love spending time with you but I have a personal life too. I couldn't do my homework properly for the last couple of weeks and I couldn't hang out with my friends. I need time for them too. And sometimes, I am too tired or I'm not interested in what you want to do. It is hard to say no to you when you look at me with those eyes. Please understand my wish to set personal boundaries." They didn't want to bring up guilt-tripping yet since they thought he would get better after this speech.

Kalim seemed to listen to what they said attentively. They hoped he wouldn't make a fuss about it. They felt better when he nodded. "I see." He pulled them into a hug. "I promise I'll be better for you, (Y/N)."

"Glad that we resolved it. Again, I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier." They hugged him back. "I now have to go and do my homework. See you later!" They untangled themselves from Kalim and headed out to their room.

The next day, Kalim showed up to ask them about another adventure he planned. He managed to convince them to join when he said he would be all alone if they didn't come with him. "I know I am sometimes clumsy, I hope I won't lose my balance and fall. Jamil would be with me normally but he has basketball practice for hours."

(Y/N) didn't want to go hiking with Kalim but if he hurt himself, they would be responsible in a way. They certainly didn't want Kalim to be hurt nor to be guilty of him getting hurt so he agreed to go with him. The following day Kalim came up with a new adventure. "I'd get lost in the woods without you. Jamil and I are both grew up in a desert country. He wouldn't be able to find us a way to return even if he tries. Please come with me to explore the woods so I can return safely with you." (Y/N) agreed to this too, not wanting to cause their soulmate to be lost in the woods.

On the adjacent days, Kalim came up with an idea and told them if they could come with him so that he wouldn't be harmed. They didn't want to feel any guilt if he were to injured so they joined all of them. On the last day, they said no.

Kalim gave them space after that day. (Y/N) thought he learned his lesson. Everything was fine in their life. They were even planning to ask Kalim on a date since they didn't talk for days.

"I've heard that (Y/N) tried to carve out their tattoo because they couldn't stand Kalim." 

"I heard they tried to change the tattoo so they would have a different soulmate than Kalim."

"Is that even possible?"

"I don't know but I know that they tried. Haven’t you seen how (Y/N) made Kalim cry two weeks ago? They must despise him."

“How could a person despise Kalim? He is friends with everyone and there is no one who would say a bad thing about him.” 

The fuck? (Y/N) was sure that they heard his and Kalim's name in their conversation. They certainly didn't do anything like that. As they passed the group, they received glares from everyone in the group. They wanted to tell Kalim what they heard and how idiotic it was but they couldn't reach him either by phone or by going over to Scarabia. Since they didn't get a chance to talk to Kalim, they went back to their room.

They managed to find Kalim the next day and talk briefly about what they heard. "I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding, (Y/N). I know you wouldn't do something like that." He smiled, making them feel better. They hanged out casually for the next few days then Kalim spontaneously invited them to a carpet ride.

"I'm sorry, I promised my friends that we would binge-watch this new tv show that came out."

"It's okay." They were glad to hear Kalim's positive response. He really is working himself to be a better boyfriend.

The next morning at breakfast, their mood turned sour.

"Did you know that the reason (Y/N) pushes Kalim away is that they are having an affair with someone?"

"No one would cheat on their soulmate once they learn they are soulmates. That's just nasty."

(Y/N) left without eating breakfast so they wouldn't hear any of those stupid people. They needed fresh air to distract themselves from what they heard but it only made things worse.

"My friend told me. He saw (Y/N) flirt with a guy from Scarabia right after they sent Kalim away." A guy from Heartslabyul said a student from Octavinelle and Pomefiore.

"I bet that's the person they are cheating with and they must be using Kalim's money to do whatever they want." added the Pomefiore student.

"So (Y/N) is acting the perfect soulmate for Kalim for his money and use his money to fuck around with another guy. I thought soulmates wouldn't be able to be with someone else other than each other." Heartslabyul student said

"You can break the bond but you need to do an unspeakable thing first." Octavinelle one told the group.

"Where did you hear that?"

"Doesn't matter. This means (Y/N) did something unspeakable. I feel sorry for Scarabia prefect."

(Y/N) didn't want to hear their talk anymore as they rushed to Kalim's side. Unfortunately, he was sick and didn't have the energy to talk to them as Jamil informed them.

The next day the rumors got worse. "Kalim is terminally sick because (Y/N) tried to break their bond." "They are trying to kill him." So forth.

The rumors around (Y/N) grew larger and larger. At first, their friends defended them whereas Kalim was nowhere to be seen. But their friends abandoned them too. "We believe, you didn't do anything but the others don't and they don't talk to or look at us since we are friends with you. Forgive us but we don't want to spend our student lives as ostracized." 

They were all alone. No one spoke to them. They just talked about them but never to them. They couldn't take it anymore.

(Y/N) didn't have any other choice. They had only one place to go. They thought all of these rumors would die if people saw they were with Kalim and if he said there was no problem between them. So they went to Kalim. They didn't say they came to him because of rumors but they thought he knew it deep down. He didn't care what people were saying about them as he hugged them tightly. "You should move to Scarabia. Even my room!" He said, eyed closed with a huge smile on his face. "No one would say anything about you then." They were soulmates and have been dating for months so staying in the same room wasn't outrageous for them. They accepted his proposal. He immediately asked Jamil to help them with their stuff. After placing their basic stuff in Kalim's room, he asked if they wanted to walk to clear their head which (Y/N) accepted dearly.

"At least, people won't talk about how you beat me and gave me bruises anymore!" Kalim said with a cheery attitude.

Huh? Nobody was talking about that in the school.

"Or how you sneaked into treasury room to get yourself some diamonds!" He added another rumor that didn't exist.

There was something in the way he said those that were giving goosebumps to them. (Y/N)'s mind was trying to understand why they felt on edge suddenly. It was better to confront the issue now. "Uhm... those weren't among the rumors. Whe-"

"Oh, they weren't?" Kalim looked surprised. "I thought I vented about it. Hmmm... never mind then! Let's go and ride flying carpet."

Did he say 'vented?'

"Sorry, Kalim. You said vented. What do you mean by it?" (Y/N)'s instinct was telling them to run from great danger but Scarabia was a safe place. It must be their mind playing tricks on them.

"Since we weren't together, I was feeling upset. My friends just asked me why I was upset and I told them everything. It's good to be friends with the majority of the school since I had so many friends who listened to what I said. They are such good people, listening to my worries attentively and comforting me." He stopped in front of them, looked them right in the eyes. "They say talking fixes every problem. And look! Talking made you come back to me."

Talking solves everything but it wasn't him talking that made me succumb to his wish. It was those nasty rumors. Surely he knows... Oh. Oh! That is just ridiculous, he wouldn't do something like that to me. He loves me too much for it. Still... (Y/N) wanted to believe that what they were thinking was just their mind was making that up. "Kalim, you know that the rumors caused me great problems."

He cut them off again. "Don't worry. I won't talk about your thievery and the bruises you gave me. Since you are back in my arms, there is no need for me to talk about you to my friends anymore."

"I didn't steal anything or even hurt an inch of you. Why would you talk about something that doesn't exist?"

"Those rumors won't exist as long as you are with me. Since you will never ever leave me again, you won't need to work your mind about it." Kalim told them with a bright smile on his face. "Now let me show you a whole new world!" He grabbed their hand and tugged their sleeve. "Unless you want to leave me by myself. It would be a shame if your reputation plummets down more." 

(Y/N) was too shocked to answer so they just nodded. 

"Great! Let's go!" Their mind was numb as Kalim dragged them after him.

Kalim looked like the sweetest person one could ever meet. They didn't think he would ever do something so nasty.

Is this the man whom I'll spend the rest of the days with? What did I do to deserve such fate? 

[plussizeappreciationfics]

Series: Just the assistant..?

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Plus sized reader

Summary: [Y/N], Tom's personal assistant knows that she shouldn't have fallen in love with her employer but she just couldn't help herself. When she thinks that her biggest wish is about to come true, a third party arrives and makes her question whether she'd ever have a chance to escape her situation and simply be loved back by the person she loves the most...

Warning(s): adult language

Word count: 2,3k 

Picture(s) found on: Pinterest/Google

CHAPTER TWO: The boundaries have been overstepped

“I’m fine, just make sure that the stylist closes the door behind her once you’re gone” [Y/N] spoke into her phone before letting out a soft cough, her throat sore and itchy. She heard a long sigh from the other end of the line and rolled her eyes.

“Tom, this isn’t the first time I’m sick. So what, I caught a cold a three days ago, it’s not the end of the world” she couldn’t see the actor’s frown increasing on his face as he listened to her weak voice explaining her situation. 

Hours before, the assistant had been tossing and turning in her bed for quite a while, her body not being at peace because it longed to be held again by Tom. She couldn’t stop thinking about the dinner, how intense his stares has been and how he suddenly seemed so interested in her. [Y/N] was staring at the dark ceiling of her room and shook her head in contentment, having a feeling that something special would happen to her very soon.

He felt bad because he technically had been the reason his assistant had gotten sick in the first place; After their celebration dinner, Tom had ended up not being able to fall asleep, so he had called [Y/N] over and they ended up stargazing in his backyard, barely speaking a word with each other. They just sat next to each other, shoulders and arms touching and looked up the beautiful sky with a faint smile ghosting on their lips.

By the time [Y/N] had returned home, she was a coughing and sneezing mess and thus resulted in her having to take a week off because she had caught a nasty cold. She was on her 4th day off and pretty much enjoyed not having to do much physical activity besides feeding herself and taking her medication on time.

“Tom? Are you still there?” the assistant asked, wondering why he was being so silent. The actor cleared his throat and felt his stomach churn in discomfort, the intense need to take care of [Y/N] making it hard for him to focus on anything else. He couldn’t have a good day while knowing that she was in poor health and discomfort, he wished that he could heal her with a simple hug but that was obviously impossible.

Her thoughts had been interrupted by Tom calling her, nervously asking her if his call wasn’t a disturbance because the world was fast asleep. [Y/N] gently told him that she hadn’t been able to sleep either before happily accepting his invitation to stargaze in his backyard as he had one of the best views.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m still here…Just let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. Anything. I-need you-I mean we need you strong and healthy again” Tom added a quick fake cough at the end as he had realized that he was starting to slip, he had been thinking about his assistant a lot the past few days and had found himself calling and texting her more than usual, she reciprocated to his mood and energy though. So he knew that he wasn’t bothering her at all.

Her stomach was fluttering in delight and she couldn’t help but smile and stare into space. Something is happening, Tom has been very attentive and kinda needy of my presence the last few days…Maybe he’s starting to feel the same way…Or maybe he’s going through something and is gathering the courage to finally share it with me…

“I’ll be fineeeeee, just don’t forget to tell me who your costars will be on the play. Bye” and with that, [Y/N] quickly hung up the phone before releasing the breath she didn’t know she was holding in. She had heard the slip up and forced herself to not read too much in between the lines. 

“Anyhow” [Y/N] muttered to herself while getting comfortable under the warm sheets of her bed. She still had three days of peace and quiet and was enjoying them by getting as much sleep as possible and catching up with her reading list. Today she would’ve had a busy day ahead; Tom had 2 talk shows appearances. 

She thankfully already had helped him arrange his wardrobe for the appearances through her phone and laptop, the stylist only had to come by and deliver the suits, which would be in an hour, but [Y/N] already had strictly (but kindly) instructed her to do her job and make sure that everything was alright with the clothes.

Tom had gotten a fresh trim the morning and had decided to let his long curls stay the way they were (because [Y/N] had voiced a nice compliment about the way it looked so the actor silently decided to grow it out a little more).

His driver was also on his way as he preferred to be driven to public events. Tom’s fans were known for blocking entries and streets once they’d know he’d be present somewhere. He loved his fans to death, but he knew that driving himself through a sea of frantic people (with his already bad eyesight) could cause a serious accident. 

Everything that had to be done, was done. So, [Y/N] was able to relax and focus on getting her health back on track.

She took one final glance at her phone before locking the screen and placing it on her nightstand, feeling tired and sore. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep, with her special someone lingering in her mind…

“What are you doing here?” [Y/N] wondered in confusion upon seeing Tom welcome himself into her home, his jacket already removed along with the shoes. He then made his way over to the couch where she comfortably seated, her phone in her hand and looking through her mails. She silently was thankfully for the shower she had taken thirty minutes ago because she looked like her normal self and also smelled good.

“I am here to keep you company on your final days off as I know that you have missed my presence oh so much” the actor added a dramatic sigh while sitting next to his assistant and appreciating her beauty from up close. “Of course did I miss you, I can’t stand to be parted from you for so long, oh my dear Thomas” she reciprocated his dramatic and sarcastic tone, although she was being completely honest.

Three days later

“Then we shall enjoy each other’s company before the hectic and busy world seeks our attention again, M’lady” the actor spoke with a chuckle, the bright smile on his face still very much present. He was wearing a simple pair of blue pants and his famous dark blue sweater, he looked as scrumptious as always. 

[Y/N] had to swallow hard as she forced her eyes to not scan him from head to toe, it would make it obvious that she was attracted to him, emotionally and physically. These next few hours certainly would be trick and tempting…

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Tom suggested, placed his arm around her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze for no reason at all (Well…we all know the reason, don’t we?). “Sure, you can pick one out!” [Y/N] spoke with excitement, euphoria pumping through her blood as she now knew that she was addicted to his touch. No one had ever made her feel so comfortable. She was a confident woman but to feel this extra layer of security and comfort just soothed her soul on the daily.

“We can watch whatever you want, darling” Tom mumbled, feeling a rush of contentment himself from purely having her this close to him. [Y/N] took the remote in her hand and opened the Netflix app, she looked through her daily suggestions and the top ten of most popular movies that were currently trending. Tom’s soft fingers were playing with the material of her shirt, reaching the hem of her sleeve and then smoothly drawing random patterns on her soft skin.

“How about Spirited Away? It’s been years since I’ve seen that masterpiece!” [Y/N] happily suggested, “Plus the movie also shows how love can be so strong, even when the two people barely acknowledge or talk about it. It’s all about the actions”. Hearing the short description had the actor instantly curious and so he agreed to watch it, despite never having seen it himself.

Both relaxed against the couch (yes, Tom’s arm still around [Y/N]’s shoulder, now having moved even closer so that their bodies were in constant contact), before the movie was playing on the screen. [Y/N] randomly explained certain scenes that had the actor a little bit confused and once he’d understand the reference or meaning behind it, he couldn’t help but lean in and whisper his thanks into her ear. To say that the tension was thick, sizzling yet light and delicate was an understatement.

__

[Y/N] slowly opened her eyes, letting out a tired sigh while slowly acknowledging the conscious world again. “Mhm” she mumbled, realizing that she had fallen asleep sometime during the movie. She was about to sit up straight when a strong, but gentle grip around her thick waist pulled her back.

Fuck.

She turned her head to look behind her and saw Tom sleeping peacefully, having lied down behind her at some point. He grumbled softly in his slumber before pulling her warm body closer to him again. [Y/N] felt like she was about to have a heart attack. But she still slowly repositioned herself in her previous position and stared at the TV screen.

She knew that they had overstepped a heavy boundary of their professional relationship. But did she feel bad? Nope. She felt so at ease, it was like his arms were made just for her. The current moment was one she had often dreamed about and to actually have the privilege to experience it was just indescribable.

“[Y/N]….” Tom whispered in his sleep, his voice low and rich with smoothness. He was literally trying to pull her into his body, his hands gently squeezing one of her stomach rolls. She felt his toned chest against her back along with the body heat he was radiating onto her, his head now nuzzling in the crook of her neck. When his soft breaths tickled her sensitive skin, [Y/N] thought that she was about to burst into flames. The acts were so intimate yet tender, everything she had always assumed about him now being true.

Tom Hiddleston was a clingy sleep cuddler.

“Fuck” she whispered again when he let out a content sigh, already having tears brim her eyes as this all felt like dream. The man she had been loving for three years now was finally reciprocating her love. 

[Y/N] closed her eyes and enjoyed the amazing feeling of pure love and joy, she even reached her arm out and gently ran her hand through Tom’s soft curls and sighed in pure delight herself. She wished that she could stay like this forever, just the two of them. 

__

“[Y/N]?”

Her eyes fluttered open and she (again) took acknowledgment of her surroundings. She still was lying on her couch, But Tom was now sitting next to her, along with two bags of takeout resting on her coffee table.

“Mhm? I’m awake” [Y/N] mumbled once her brain recognized the sound of Tom’s soft voice calling out for her.

“Are you hungry? I ordered Thai as it’s almost six in the evening and you haven’t eaten anything yet” his gaze was soft and kind. The assistant nodded her head and slowly sat up, silently comprehending that Tom had woken up after she had fallen back asleep again. She felt a pang of disappointment churn in her stomach once she also realized that he was pretending like nothing had happened.

“Thanks Tom, I must have fallen asleep. My bad”

But she also understood and accepted why.

“Nothing to be sorry about, I fell asleep myself and actually had a great rest. The past few days had been very stressful, and I had really needed an afternoon of peace and quiet. So thanks again, [Y/N], for letting me enjoy your company”.

Tom’s appreciation speech actually mended the disappointment she felt, she hadn’t known about the few sorrows and stressed he had had because he hadn’t voiced them to her at all, despite having texted and called her plenty of times throughout the day.

Wow…

“You’re welcome, Tom” was all she was able to respond before reaching for the takeout bags and looking at what deliciousness were awaiting her. She ignored his piercing stare, not knowing why she suddenly was the sole focus of his attention. It was hard doing so because she felt like his eyes were burning holes on the side of her face.

“You’re very beautiful, [Y/N].

She turned to him, a bright smile creeping upon her face as her heart skipped a beat. “Thank you Tom, you are handsome yourself”. He chuckled and finally looked down at his lap, a slight crimson shade appearing on his cheeks as he felt flustered and appreciated.

[Y/N] handed him the second bag of food before removing the items in her own bag. 

“That’s amazing! Do you want me to book a table at your usual restaurant?” [Y/N] asked while feeling happy for Tom’s friends, she knew that he’d have a blast with the play and that sole thought left her smiling to herself while the actor continued to share the details of the upcoming play to her, still sitting very close to her and barely being able to keep her eyes off her beautiful face.

“By the way, I have great news”, [Y/N] hummed as in indication that she was listening while continuing to unpack her food. “Charlie and Zawe have been casted as the other two main characters in the play! We’ll be all going to dinner tomorrow!”

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-Emmanuelle 💋❤️

[vulpes-z3rda]

SFW Alphabet ~ Bakugou

a/n: i have a few things in my drafts that just need editing before i publish them and then i should have a bit more consistent upload schedule, i just have college starting again soon so i’ll have to balance it!

for now though, i hope you enjoy this! yes i am moving my wattpad content over here dont @ me shush

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

For starters, we all know he isn't the most... in touch with his emotions. But he's more than ready to show whatever emotions he has to for you. I mean, he doesn't just cuddle anyone when they seriously need it.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Well, you probably beat his ass somehow in some training activity Aizawa set. Or you stood up to him when you were younger to protect Midoriya. Whatever it is you did, it made him appreciate you so much more. Also, he'd basically be like your little bodyguard or guard dog so take advantage of it. He would never admit to any of this by the way.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

I mean... of fucking course he does!!! It's not like he'll go out of his way every time to do it with you, but when he's up for it, he won't want to let you go.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He never really imagined himself settling down with anyone ever. Of course, his mind changed when you can into his life. You're the first person to ever make him question what he wants his future to be like. The bonus to having him as your boyfriend is that he's an amazing chef and he cleans very well and often.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He'd be very reluctant to do it in all honesty. This is Bakugou we're talking about, he doesn't do anything without putting up a fight. Unless he has to do it to protect you... that's really the only way he'd ever let you go.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Well, the subject of commitment is very new to him. What, with him being emotionally constipated or whatever... but he'd probably ask you to marry him after a couple of years of dating.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Let's get real here, he isn't known for being gentle with anyone so why would he be gentle on you? However, he can be a big softie on a rare occasion or when he's drunk.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He's not that much of a hugger unless you really really need one. Honestly, he's surprisingly good at comforting people once he himself has opened up to them. So expect a lot of bear, comfort hugs from this man right here.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It took him a few months. Listen, he's not used to showing how he feels to people so openly, so when he did, he was a shy b o i.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

Well... most people think it's concerning how easily jealous he gets, but you find it adorable. The worst he gets is using his quirk on them, but usually he just verbally threatens them. Like I've said before, he refuses to let you go.. he loves you too much for that.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

They're kind of steamy and passionate. Every now and then, they're just soft and loving. He kisses you on the lips and neck normally and you love that as well as forehead kisses.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

We all know he's angry towards children or anyone for that matter. But his own brats? Well, his personality does a complete 180. It scares you honestly, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

You both cuddle for a bit when you wake up before actually getting out of bed. It's a slow start to the day for you both that involves lots of love and hugs and kisses to wake up.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

This is easy, you do some things that aren't PG and things that are very fluffy and soft. It's not abnormal for a friend or a family member to come over and see you both cuddled up, under a blanket with a movie on the tv.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

A couple of months into the relationship, he starts opening up a lot more to you. It comes in drabbles, but eventually, you get the bigger picture of Bakugou. After a year or so, you have every piece to the puzzle that you need to see the picture it holds.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Very easily. He has a short fuse so if you push him too much, he'll snap and yell at you. I promise he doesn't mean it, angers just something he's never been able to completely control.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers a lot actually! He may be shit with remembering people's names, but when it comes to you he finds it hard to forget anything. The little things and the big things, he knows everything you've ever told him.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

I'd say when you went in your first date together. He's never been so happy in his life to be with "his nerd" as he called you. But seriously, he loved it and although he might never say it out loud, he appreciates that you gave him that chance

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

I'm just gonna put it out there... he's very protective of you okay? Like, he saw one guy look at you wrong and the next thing you know he's over there telling him to fucking watch what he's doing. He just really loves you and doesn't want to see you hurt ever. Trust me, he goes off on one of you get hurt during training to the point were you have to be completely hidden from him during it.

He doesn't like being protected as much but if you do, he wouldn't really mind it and appreciates that you'd help him in a time when he's in danger or vulnerable.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He plans it really well actually. He takes you to nice places and simple ones just as much as each other, he gets you trinkets that he knows you'll love and big gifts on occasions

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

When he gets really angry, he uses his quirk and destroys something in the house. You're slowly growing used to it but it still annoys you because "OI!! I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THAT POP ROCKS!!"

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

I'd say he's moderately concerned about how he looks. He gets beauty sleep still and even goes as far as to book spa retreats for you both under the excuse that he wants to see you relax. We all know it's because he likes the facial treatments they use... we all know that Bakugou. There's no hiding it.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Omg... this pomeranian right here would be l o s t without you. You finally helped him realise his feelings and understand them and now you're just gone? Hell no. He'd slowly break in confusion but pretend like nothings effecting him

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He's a sucker for playing stupid board games with you. You make it, he'll play it. It doesn't matter what the context of the game is or the rules, he'll play and he'll win.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn't like it when his s/o talks down on themselves or gives up without a fight. I mean, he's gotten over a lot in life to get to where he is, so he wants someone similar to him in that sense. Sure he understand you'll have that odd day or time period, but if it's all the time it begins to annoy him.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

He mumbles his well known phrases in his sleep. So you'll be sleeping peacefully and then the quietest "die" you've ever heard will just come from him. It's super cute surprisingly!! Every now and then he'll mumble an "I love you"

[someguynamedstevewrites]

My Roommate is an Apparition: WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A DAD - Part 2

Based on characters created by @reddpenn

————————————-

Oh man, am I late on posting this.  So many things going on.  Not to mention figuring out how to follow up the first part.

It seems people really like the first-person narration from “A-Pink-Ciation of Culture”, so I went with that again with this piece.

Almost DAILY, I get likes or re-blogs and the occasional follower despite not having posted anything since March.  I’m very curious and would like to hear from you readers about what you like about my writing and what appeals to you.  Eventually, I want to make a living off of writing, but until that time, I definitely could use any and all feedback.

Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, on with the story!

 From the Diary of Lily, March 1st, 2020:

Okay, diary, I’m coming to you because I honestly have no idea where else to go to try and sort through the evening I just had with my Dad and Tulpa.   I can’t put my finger on it, but something about tonight just... bothers me!  It’s like I’m on pins and needles and can’t stop thinking about, well, a LOT of stuff.  Just... hear me out and maybe it’ll make sense if I put this all down on paper (I.E. You).  I just spent the last twenty minutes trying to talk things through out loud, but that got me nowhere so here goes nothing:

First off, my Dad came to visit a week earlier than what I had planned, and immediately sets up shop in my living room with his NES and copy of Castlevania III.  Only problem was I hadn’t talked with Tulpa about his visit since I was expecting him until NEXT weekend.  I kept thinking that the last thing I wanted was for anything weird to happen during his visit.

Which, looking back on it, was a really stupid thing to worry about.

I mean, Dad’s a pretty open-minded guy and he’s quite weird himself.  He’s actually quite proud of his weirdness (embarrassing as it is sometimes).  He tends to under-react to all kinds of things like it’s no big deal.  I’ve even asked him why he doesn’t freak out about some of the stuff he comes across in real life or on TV, and he just tells me, “I’ve seen weirder.”   (If some of the stories he’s told me are true, then he has.  He really, REALLY has!)

For example: if Tulpa had come into the room holding a... I dunno, a plate or something, like would that really freak my Dad out?  Pfft, No!  He (maybe?) wouldn’t see her, all he’d see was a “flying saucer” (he deliberately would make that lame pun too), and then get back to his game.  Then later, he’d try and tell me about the real flying saucers he saw years ago, or something.

Since I had assumed that Dad wouldn’t have been able to see her, it eventually clicked in my head that what I was actually worrying about was, “what would Tulpa think of my Dad?”  He’s a huge Goofus that likes to make bad jokes, tell tall tales, and play video games!  And even if he did weird her out, it’s not like she could go anywhere... right?  I mean, she might avoid interacting with me because of him, but...

Oh...

Oh wow...

I just read what I just wrote and I can not believe I was being THAT irrational!  ( Man, people are stupid sometimes; me included!)

Avoid me because of my DAD!?   That’s gotta be the dumbest thing I’ve ever thought!   It’s not like he LIVES here or anything!   He’s not the one paying the rent; I am!  And... I’ve gotten to know Tulpa pretty well these past few months, but... I guess I still have a lot more to learn about her.  Case in point:

————————————-

So Tulpa tells me that she wants to meet my Dad, and after coming to my senses somewhat, I say she can sit in so long as she doesn’t touch anything (see flying saucer explanation above).  A few minutes later, she walks in looking like the tall girl from Keep Your Hands off Eizouken (I had to look the name up; I couldn’t remember it for the life of me).  By that I mean, she’s coming in as a tall, lanky, skinny, somewhat pale skinned girl looking to be about my age.  She’s wearing some modest clothes and, if I’m being honest with myself, they looked kind of cute in that outfit they had on.  It was a nice ensemble.

Then Dad says “Hi” to her.

...

Let me repeat that in case it hasn’t clicked with you yet.

My Dad GREETED her!

He! SAW! Her!

When I asked her about it later, she said to me that she thought that since he’s my Dad, then whatever it is that allows me to see her could be something my Dad has too.  So far, her theory has been proven right, but... I’m not one-hundred percent sure, because Tulpa... well... she changed.

And I’m being literal here, too!  She no longer had that transparency to her like usual.  She had a nose!  She had ears!  She had five fingers!  And she looked...

...well...

...good.

Tulpa said she had never tried doing this before, but figured that in the off-chance that her hunch was correct, she wanted to make a good impression on my Dad.  (Why do I keep thinking about that old joke in movies and TV shows about the overprotective Dad that threatens the boy about to go on a date with their daughter?)  She even went so far as to create her own “clothes”, saying she knew they’d be important.  Considering that she doesn’t wear (or need) clothes any other time, I ask her how she came to that conclusion.  I still have no idea what she meant when she suddenly bellowed out, “GOOD...!  GRIEF...!  HE’S...!  NAKED!”

[Edit:  It’s from Spongebob, because of course it was.]

So I’m not sure if Dad could see her because she purposely made herself opaque, or if he would have been able to see her if she wasn’t in her human “disguise” (and yes, I’m calling it a disguise and I’ll explain why a bit later, okay?).  But either way, she walks in and my Dad just starts chatting away like so:

————————————-

“Hi there! You must be Lily’s roommate!” says Dad.

At this point, I’m kind of frozen solid on the couch, just watching and listening as everything unfolds in front of me like it’s being burned into my retinas.  You know that saying about slow-motion train wrecks? Y’know, about how you can’t look away from them? This is probably why I remember the conversation so well.

“Heh...Hello,” she responds back nervously.

“I’m Lily’s Dad,” he says as if it wasn’t obvious, “Hope you don’t mind if we play some games out here.”

Tulpa shakes her head and stutters out, “No...N-not at all.”

“Great!” Dad responded with a smile that said, “Even if it was bothering you, I’m still going to take up the TV and play video games.  So nyeh!”  I’ve lived with him long enough to know that he’s not someone who would give up the TV without a fight.

(...gee... that kind of reminds me of someone now that I think about it...)

Tulpa then asks, “M-mind if... I watch?”

Dad gives her this big, goofy smile and responds with a, “Sure thing!” since despite him never admitting to it, he always liked having an audience around when he played games (or almost anything really) in hopes of “schooling” them. (Why he didn’t go into teaching, I will never understand.)

As soon as Dad turns back to his game and un-pauses it, Tulpa smiled, sat back, and looked content (Although it was a little weird seeing her smile with a nose to go along with it.) This snaps me out of my stupor long enough to scootch over to Tulpa and chat with her.

“You actually want to watch him play?” I ask her once more because the mere thought that she’d be interested in something outside of cartoons still hadn’t registered in my head, yet.

“Yeah...” she says as she starts to stare at the screen like she usually does during her cartoon time. “...sounded... familiar,” she said before looking up slightly while lost in thought, “...Simon... Belmont... Mega... Man... Kid... Icarus...” she said again as though that meant something. To me it just sounded almost like some kind of madness mantra, but...

“Oh! You mean Captain N: The Game Master!” my Dad chimed in out of seemingly nowhere.

“YES!” Tulpa said with excitement (worth noting that she doesn’t look excited very often, but when she does, she practically glows). “I remember...” she said before pausing to collect her thoughts and form the words she wanted to say. If I could have, I would have warned her about my Dad’s tendency to pounce on any hesitation in a conversation to take it over.

“Man, I haven’t seen Captain N in decades,” he said wistfully, “Surprised someone young as you remembers it.   I was in High School when that show came on!   When did you see it?”

“Ummm...” she hesitated, “...reruns... when I was... a kid.”

(As I’m writing this down now, I realize she was trying to hide her actual age from Dad. She looked to be in her early twenty’s like I was, but if she said she saw it when it came on the air originally, that’d make her over thirty years old at least.)

“Ahhhh! I see you have good taste in reruns!” Dad complimented.

“Th-thank you,” she stuttered back. As I listened to the awkward conversation of father-roommate bonding, I found my eyes constantly turning towards Tulpa. Not out of adoration or anything, but more like... studying her.

————————————-

On the one hand, she looked like the Tulpa that I had known ever since she became my roommate months ago.  But on the other hand, they somehow weren’t.   It’s kind of like when someone changes their looks a bit for maybe, I dunno, a night on the town, a job interview, a wedding, or something else along those lines.  Only in her case, “dressing up” meant adding additional body parts she didn’t normally have.

(To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure what to think about that...)

I’ve always been a firm believer of people being themselves, and being allowed to be themselves.  I can’t stand situations where people are unable to truly express themselves or feel comfortable.  Way I see it, life is too short to be spent worrying over stupid stuff that makes people miserable just so they can come off as normal.

Sometimes it’s because of social norms and expectations; those unspoken rules of life that people are supposed to just magically “know”.  Like if someone was going to a church or temple service, social norms say they need to wear their “Sunday Best” with stiff, itchy clothes that are dry clean only.  If I was able to go to a sermon wearing a baggy college sweatshirt, sweatpants, and slippers, and NOT be judged like I’m some kind of crazy hobo, it would have definitely made something like that more appealing to me.

Now I have nothing against anyone that likes to dress up in fancy clothes and wear them out and about; I mean, everyone likes different things, right? The point is that if I’m going to do something that makes me uncomfortable, it should be because I wanted to do it for myself.   I don’t think I should bend over backwards making myself feel bad (physically or mentally) for someone else’s sake.  Sure, call me selfish if you must, but I just can’t advocate for doing something that makes you feel bad because you wanted someone else to feel good.

I’m just thankful no one in my family has ever tried to push anything on me.  Sure, they’ve suggested things to me before, and of course made sure I didn’t do something stupid that would injure me or worse when I was too young to know better.  But overall, my family has given me a lot of freedom to do what I want, dress how I want, and be who I want to be.  Now that I think about it, I’m kind of lucky that way.

(I hope I’m making sense on this. Re-reading this, I’m not entirely sure if I do.)

————————————-

Anyway, I’m looking at Tulpa and watching them carefully, trying to figure out if they were comfortable looking like that or not.  She’s just sitting there watching my Dad play Castlevania III, and he was now on the haunted pirate ship with Trevor and Sypha.  He was breezing through at a pretty good pace and sharing an anecdote about how Warren Ellis figuratively gave him the “Turd Cape of Shame” on this old message board back when the Castlevania series on Netflix was just an idea back in 2007.  (I still am not entirely sure if that story is true or not.)

“Hey Lily,” Dad asks suddenly out of the blue, “got anything to drink?”  I offer him some lemonade, he accepts, and I go to the kitchen to pour him a glass.  As I’m doing this, I hear Dad ask Tulpa, “By the way, I don’t think I caught your name.  What was it again?”

“...Tulpa...” she says back to him.

My body freezes up for a moment as I realized that “Tulpa” is not an ordinary name.  I mean the first time she told me her name, it sounded like some kind of Pokémon.  Once again, that irrational fear of my Dad being weirded out or something enters my head, but is dispelled almost immediately.

“Tulpa?” my Dad says aloud to himself, “That’s a very interesting name.”

“T-Thank you...” she says back.

I walk in with a glass of pink lemonade and set it down on a little, folding TV dinner stand that was given to me when I first moved out for college.  I slowly sit back down again as I keep an eye on Dad.  His facial expression is the same as usual: relaxed.  You could call it a poker face, but I’ve seen him play poker and he is BAD at poker.

“Anyone in your family Buddhist?” my Dad asks casually.

I step in, “Dad!  What kind of a question is that!?”  And I meant what I said too. Who even asks something like that!?

“I was just wondering,” he says before once again shutting up and focusing on his game.

This is one of the things about my Dad that bugs me to no end: he likes to be cagey sometimes.  He’ll say something vague with the sole purpose of making the other person curious, confused, or both.  It leaves, like, questions in the back of your head that just start gnawing at your brain and won’t stop chewing away at your gray matter until you finally ask him to explain what the heck he was talking about.    He does this on purpose to “bait” people into asking him questions or to continue with what he’s saying.  So annoying!

I sigh, “Why’s that, Dad?”

He gives a little smile and continues, “Oh it’s just that this isn’t the first time I’ve heard the name “Tulpa” before, that’s all.”

NOW he has my total undivided attention and Tulpa’s too as we both unconsciously lean forward.  Practically in sync, we both say, “It’s not!?”

He’s still smiling as he says, “Nope.  First time I heard that name was when I was doing some monster research for a Castlevania Wiki I had been working on a while back.”

Tulpa practically gulps, “M-M-Monster...?”

“Well not really a monster,” he says back, “more like... a supernaturally, artificially created person.” 

(There are some times when my Dad can be down right spooky and creepy.  This was one of those times.)

Full Metal Alchemist immediately pops into my head, and without even hesitating, I ask, “Like a Homunculus?”

“Nah, more like...” he says before pausing his game and turning to Tulpa and I, “...an imaginary friend.”  Tulpa and I both tilt our heads in confusion.  Dad picks up on this and by now, he is practically glowing at this opportunity to share some weird thing he just happens to know something about.

He explains, “So there’s this word in Tibetan called “Sprul-Pa” which means “Manifestation”, okay?  And in early Buddhism, this is used as the explanation for how Gautama Buddha could travel to heavenly realms and come back again.  You could say he created a clone of himself in the other realm and then transmitted his consciousness to it from his body on Earth.  Kind of like a-”

By now, Tulpa and I were clearly on the same wavelength as she asks, “a Shadow Clone!?” at the exact same time I was thinking of it. Believe it!

Dad’s silent for a moment as he thinks to himself before finally going, “...uhhh... I guess... you could say that. I was thinking “Dream Body” but I suppose a shadow clone could work too.”  My Dad used to watch Naruto with me on Toonami years ago, so he knew full well what a shadow clone was.

He turns to face us as he continues talking, “The thing with a Tulpa is that it’s something made from nothing. A Homunculus, using your example, Lily, requires having the materials necessary to make an artificial being on hand before you can create them. But a Tulpa is willed into existence out of nothingness. It is created from the thoughts of the creator; known as a “Thoughtform” in some cases.”

(WHEN did my Dad even learn this stuff!?)

“The difference between a Tulpa and an imaginary friend,” my Dad continued to say, “is that while an imaginary friend is just that, someone that exists in your imagination, a Tulpa is made when someone’s thoughts are so strong that they will their imaginary friend into existence.”

I look over at Tulpa, and she is totally absorbed in what my Dad’s saying.

“Now from what I’ve read...” Oh my God, Dad! What have you even been reading!? “...it’s very difficult for one person alone to have enough psychic power to will a sentient being into creation. But if you had enough people thinking the same thing, and thinking about it hard enough, then, hypothetically, a Tulpa could be created.”

“So what you’re saying is if enough people think Bigfoot is real, then they can actually make it real just by believing in them?” I snark.

“Yeah, pretty much,” my Dad replies without detecting my snark at all.

“Or like...” Tulpa chimes in, “...how Tinkerbell is saved... by believing in fairies and... clapping hands?” I was a bit surprised Tulpa knew that since I couldn’t recall Disney’s Peter Pan having that scene in it.

Dad thinks about it for a moment, and then goes, “Hmmmmm... yeah! That too, I suppose.”

Right about then, Dad gets a notification on his phone. He pulls it out, looks at it, gets a somewhat serious look on his face, and then stands up and says, “Hey, I gotta make a phone call real quick. Mind if I...” he trails off.

“Yeah, sure thing, Dad,” I say back. He heads down the hallway to the guest bedroom and closes the door as he makes his call. It’s now just Tulpa and me in the living room, and we were both feeling super awkward. I turn to Tulpa and say, “So... did you know anything about all that?”

Tulpa shook her head, “N-n-no. First time I... I ever heard of... of it.” I could tell she was feeling nervous. She had started stuttering pretty badly.

All this time, I knew Tulpa was an apparition, but I never thought about what kind of apparition she was. It never really dawned on me that an apparition could have an origin story. With Tulpa, she was just... kind of there for me, and I never really questioned it. Her being her somehow felt, I dunno... “natural”, I guess.

I never thought I really needed to learn more about Tulpa, anyway. I mean, outside of the occasional mischief, Tulpa was perfectly harmless. Worst thing she ever did was the Pinkening (still don’t know how she did that), but that was partly on me because I was being a big dummy. Overall, she’s always been friendly, kind, and fun to be around, and that‘s always been good enough for me.

“You, uh...” I start to say, “...want to talk about it later?” Tulpa looks ahead of her kind of blankly, and I immediately add, “It’s okay if you don’t want to, Tulpa, I just-“

“Talk about what?” She asks, now looking at me kind of confused.

“About...” I trail off as I try to find the right words, “...about what my Dad just said and about... I dunno... where you came from?”

Tulpa clearly hadn’t thought about it before. She leaned back against the couch and audibly sighed (I think that was the first time I ever heard them sigh!), before saying, “I... don’t know... Lily...”

“Don’t know where you came from, or don’t know if you want to talk about it?” I asked her.

She thought for a moment before saying, “Both...”

I wanted to say something more to her, maybe give them some kind of reassurance, but I just couldn’t as long as my Dad was here! The frustration of wanting to talk about something with someone, but not being able to because of other people being around, is just AGONIZING!  If only Dad would hurry up and leave, but when he says he’s going to beat a video game, he’s going to beat a video game.  Problem was he hadn’t even made it to Dracula’s Castle yet, so who knew how much longer it would be?

Then Dad comes back in and says, “Hey, sorry about this, but I need to get going.”

HAAAAAALLEJUAH!!!

“Oh sweet merciful powers that be, THANK YOU! “  I thought to myself.  I was worried things were going to get all cringy like a bad self-insert fanfic.   “Aww, that’s too bad,” I fibbed out of politeness.  I mean, he’s my Dad and I love him and all, but... y’know...

“Yeah, I got a call from work and they need me to help out with something. ‘Fraid I have to cut my visit short, Lily.” My Dad powered off the Nintendo system and began packing it up. But then he suddenly stopped, looked up, then looked back at me and said, “Hey, you want to borrow my NES for a bit!?”

Dad suddenly leaving to take care of something for work happens every now and then, so that was no big surprise. But Dad suddenly saying he has to leave to take care of something and leave his NES in MY care!? THAT scared the pants off me!

“Oh my God, Dad... you’re not dying are you!?” I ask with a half-serious tone.

“What!? No! What gave you that idea!?” He shoots back.

“Because that’s the NES you’ve had ever since you were a kid! You have NEVER let anyone else look after it! EVER!” I remind him because it is one-hundred percent true.

His lame-sauce excuse was: “Hey, both of your uncles used to look after it!”

And then I remind him, “That’s because you all lived in the same house with grandma and grandpa!  Y’know, because you were all kids and everything!”

“They still took care of it,” he pouts.

“Only after they sneaked into your room, de-hooked it, and snuck it over to their room!  You know I’ve heard the stories at the family gatherings!, right?” This is all completely true.

————————————-

My Dad is the oldest of three, and at family gatherings, like around Thanksgiving, he and my uncles used to tell as many embarrassing stories about each other as possible like they were trying to one-up each other. Like, “Hey, remember that time you stuck a LEGO tire up your nose and had to go to the Emergency Room?”

And my uncle’s all like, “I WAS FOUR!”

Good times....

...now where was I?

Oh right!  Why leaving the Nintendo was a big deal!

————————————-

“C’mon, Dad,” I plead, “The only way I can see you willingly giving away your Nintendo, even if just for a little while, would be if you were on your death bed and filling out your last will and testament. So go on, spill it, what’s up with that?”

My Dad just had this look of offense on his face like I had seriously wounded him with my words. “I am NOT that overprotective of it!”

“Yes you are.”

“Okay, I am,” he admits way too quickly, “but I just thought that you having it might be a good idea in case you finally get some free time coming up. Best way to enjoy it is to play it, after all.”

I chuckle, “Dad, the only way work is going to give me enough time off to sit on my butt and play video games is if some horrible catastrophe caused the art store to shut down. Like, I dunno, a deadly virus or something.”

[EDIT, APRIL 12th, 2020: ME AND MY BIG FAT MOUTH!

AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!]

Dad chuckles and say, “Yeah... you got a point there. Still, I think between you and your roommate, you’re both responsible adults now who can get some enjoyment out of it. I’m sure I can trust you two to take good care of it,” he says before raising an eyebrow, “or is there some reason I shouldn’t leave it here!?”

“Relax! We can look after it, Dad. Nothing’s going to happen to it,” I say as I whip my head back so fast it could have made a sonic boom. Just as I suspected, there was Tulpa sitting down in front of the Nintendo about ready to poke it with her finger. “Isn’t that right, Tulpa?” I say while looking straight at her.

“Y-yes...” she mutters.

Dad smiles at the two of us and then suddenly, out of the blue, he gives me this big ole bear hug and pats me on the back!  It’s the same kind of hug he gave me on my first day at school, when I was leaving for summer camp, and when I moved into my freshman dorm for college.  It was the kind of reassuring hug that says everything is going to be fine.  “Ohhhhhhh, look at you growing up and being all responsible! I’m so proud of you, Lily!”

“Dad!  Can’t breath, Dad!” I say before he finally lets go.

“Oh yeah, tomorrow, when you get a chance, make sure to pick up a couple packages of toilet paper,” he says casually, “your bathroom’s running low and now would be a good time to stock up.”

[EDIT April 12th, 2020: HE FREAKING KNEW! 

HOW!?!?!?]

“Thanks for the tip, Dad,” I respond before saying the thing that led to my Dad saying the other thing that would make my brain do somersaults for the next few hours and ultimately come to you, dear diary, “What brought up that little nugget of wisdom? Dad-ly Intuition?”  (Yes, that pun was intentional.)

“Well I’ve always considered myself to be a little psychic here and there,” he says about twenty-three seconds before the door closes and forty-five seconds before my face faults, “and you’ve always been a little psychic too, haven’t yah?”

“Sure Dad, I’ll catch you later,” I say waving goodbye.

“Take care, Lily!  Keep in touch!  Love you, sweetie!” he calls back as he’s walking into the hallway heading out,

“Love you too, Dad” I say as I close the door and lock the deadbolt. With that family obligation out of the way, I was feeling much better not having to worry about next weekend, not having to worry about Tulpa and Dad, and could just chill and relax and-

It was right about then that my eyes shot wide open as I stared ahead of me at nothing in particular.  The gears in my head started turning faster and faster as the past few months living here started to tie together.  Tulpa looks at me, slightly concerned.  She’s still in her “disguise”, but looks genuinely concerned.  She waves her hand it front of me and my mind is working at warp speed, so it doesn’t even register.

“Are you... okay... Lily?” she asks.

I slowly turn to look her in the eye, and then ask her flat out:

“Am I Psychic!?”

[muilkyu]

𝗧𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗱

🐷 Hyunsuk

"Should there be that much blood? You're not dying right," the face would actually be kinda cute if he didn't look so disturbed, but you reply anyways.

"Yes and it's the normal amount now will you please just bring me a towel?"

"You know what you seem like you have it all figured out I'll let you do what you have to do and then you just call me when you want cuddles," Hyunsuk is already speed walking out of the room before you have the chance to reply.

God he's an idiot you think.

He loves you but periods just make him to nervous

He will give you all the cuddles in the world

He will NOT buy you pads or tampons no matter how much you ask

He is terrible at dealing with the mood shifts

🐼 Jihoon

"Babe what size do you need?" Jihoon questions over the phone.

"I need Regular and the brand doesn't matter," you respond.

"Are you sure the brand can also be important. I don't want you to feel any discomfort love."

You coo at your boyfriend and reassure him that as long as he picks regular you are fine.

100% would make a midnight run for you

He has a heating pad ready as soon as you mention your period

Buys you chocolate and snacks when you ask

Has ibuprofen or Tylenol for you when the cramps get to much

He says it hurts to see you in pain and wishes he could take all the pain away

🐯 Yoshi

"Do you want a hug or maybe a massage or I don't know...do you want me to leave?" Yoshi questions pacing around the carpet in your room.

"No but can you please stop moving your’re giving me a headache," you say holding you head.

"Okay so I should stay?" He questions sitting down on the bed next to you.

You hum and he pulls you close, tucking your head into his neck while rubbing your head.

Confused yet really wants to help

He isn't sure if he should leave or stay while you have mood swings

Claimed he would be able to help you through your period because of his sister, but he was actually clueless

He instead just cuddles you through all your cramps and headaches

🐨 Junkyu 

"Can we get ice cream on the way back," you whine pointing to a nearby Baskin Robbins.

Junkyu pauses and thinks for a moment, "I don't think we have time if we want to make it to the movie."

This doesn't sit well with you and the whiny face turns to one of sadness. You pout and slowly nod, "Okay. To the movies it is then."

Noticing your sudden shift in mood your boyfriend laughs in an attempt to lighten the mood, "Okay, we do have a few minutes to spare."

Doesn't want to but with a little push will do anything for you

He doesn't know much but is willing to learn

Doesn't want to make you upset so he just complies

He isn't a big cuddler but when your on the verge of tears from a strong cramp he turns to butter

🐹 Mashiho

"No, don't cry. I didn't mean to hurt you," Mashi says crouching down to be the same height with the couch.

You hold on the side of your stomach which he accidentally hit while trying to show you a new flip he learned.

"I didn't hit you in the stomach, why are you crying," he whines, voice becoming a little bit high pitched and it's cute.

"I get sore everywhere you fool,"

He looks a bit astonished at the new information, "Really?"

You look at him with a small glare but let up when you can still see the curiosity and remorse in his eyes, "Yes and now I need a pain reliever and a glass of water."

"I'm on it,"

He treats you like a piece of glass

All the information he knows about periods are from dramas and tv so he is really interested in learning

He doesn't want to make you cry or sad so he try to be the perfect boyfriend

When your having a bad cramp he talks in his cute voice and you smile (he considers this an victory)

🦁 Jaehyuk

"Say ahh," Jaehyuk says holding out the spoon ready to feed you a bite of bulgogi.

"You know I can feed myself right," You question back.

He pouts," I am aware, but you're already going through so much. Let me take care of you."

He looks so determined to help out so you end up letting him feed you through the rest of dinner. Even though you got a few stares from the other dinners around you.

"Let me take care you" he takes it to a new level

Anything that he can do for you he does

He makes sure your alarm is set and you're up in the morning

Makes sure you have extra tampons or pads in your purse

He also cares around a pill or two of ibuprofen

He made sure to do his research on periods to make the experience better for you

🤖 Asahi

"We should do something today," your boyfriend suggests.

You glance up from your phone, eyebrow already raised, "You want to go out."

"Sure why not. The sun is about to set and I know you want to go take pictures," Asahi replies. You smile already getting on a pair of slippers.

"To the roof we go!" You shout.

-

"The sky is so pretty look at that cloud," You exclaim, spinning around pointing at the pink and blue sky.

Ashai smiles at you. It's the first time this week he's seen you happy all week.

It's just a normal week for Asahi and you

Your cramps aren't as bad this week but Asahi despite being nervous takes care of you

He does little things that make your life easier. Such as making food for you, washing the dishes, and bringing you a glass of water without you even asking

🦊 Yedam 

"We should go to the park today," Yedam says over the phone. He can hear him shuffling with papers in the background, probably some lyrics or homework.

"I can't today. My period decided to attack me this morning. Maybe next weekend." You say.

"Ahh, well we could just stay in then." He suggested.

"No, I'll be fine, enjoy your free weekend and we can plan next weekend."

"Nope, I'm coming over and we are gonna eat Ramen and I'll sing you a song to sleep." He says.

"Okay, let's have a sleepover then."

Drops everything he is doing to be by your side

Sings you to sleep even over the phone if he has to

Sleepovers are a must for your relationship

You both love spending time together and when your cycle starts Yedam just holds you all night

He won't ask you about any of the details of your period but if he has to he'll will make you tea for your cramps

🐰 Doyoung 

"Can we make a special stop?" You ask.

Doyoung looks at you confused, "For what?"

"I need to stop and get something you just wait here and I'll be right back."

Doyoung still looks puzzled but then it clicked, "Ah, you mean feminine stuff."

A shy smile makes its way onto your face, but you nod anyways.

"It's okay we can go together." He says, already making his way to the isle.

Is comfortable with periods to an extent

Knows what to do when you have cramps or are out of pads

May have asked his mom for advice but won't admit it

Cooks for you when your hungry

Is just the perfect boyfriend when your not feeling the best

🐏 Haruto 

"It hurts. You don't understand it's painful," You groan holding your stomach.

"It can't be that painful come on."

"You know I love you but you're really clueless."

He sits down next to you, head in his hands," Okay, I know nothing about this at all. Tell me what I can do to make you feel better."

"Can you just hold me?" You ask.

"Of course. Anything to make you feel better." Haruto smiles.

"And order me pizza."

"Don't push it."

Doesn't really understand periods

He is willing to learn although he doesn't know anything

Decides to just be a good boyfriend and do whatever you ask

🐺 Jeongwoo

"Okay, I got you a chocolate chip cookie, popcorn, jelly, and orange juice and apple juice because I didn't know which one you would like. Oh and I also picked out a salad because all this sugar isn't good for you." Jeongwoo says placing all the food he picked up from the convenience store on the corner.

Chuckling you reach for the apple juice, "I didn't need all this food. All I asked for was a pack of gum."

"Yes, I know but what if you get hungry then you have more options."

"Awee, that's so cute," You coo standing up to give him a hug, "Thank you for thinking of me." Before you can give him a proper hug through he moves away.

"Sorry I love you but what if you bleed on me or something."

"Omg, really? Please tell me how I could bleed on you from giving you a hug," he opens his mouth about to respond but you put your hand up silencing him, "Don't answer that just make me my popcorn please."

Trying to be there for you

The overall fear takes over him though

Makes up any excuse to not touch you he's too afraid to make something worse

May have googled 'how to help your girlfriend through a period'

the advice didn't help

🐮 Junghwan

"Eww, no please just pick it up," Junghwan cringes pushing the pad away from him with the end of his pencil.

You laugh picking it up, "It's just a pad it won't kill you."

"How do you know that?! Anything could magically grow legs," he debates.

"I can't believe we are having this conversation right now," you say pushing the pad back into your book-bag.

You don't even get to talk about periods with Junghwan

He avoids the topic at all costs

The sight of a pad makes him feel weird

But when your having a bad cramp or just in a bad mood he will bring you a bag of jelly's or sweet bread (it makes you smile)

I hope you enjoyed!

Requested by: @kataaa2005​

[iamyoursinblog]

Nuna[END]

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: fluff, smut

Word Count: 6,7 k

Part: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [extra]

LIST

________________________

POV Jungkook

He went into the elevator and rested his forehead against the wall. So long it can't last. His breathing was heavy, and his heart was beating too fast. He barely stopped himself today. But you were too sexy. He won a small victory. But why was it feel so sad deep inside.

You were right in everything. Now it’s clear why you saw the child in him. He only thought about his feelings. Why didn’t he think about the reality in which he lived. What was he hoping for. He could not date with anyone, and if someone take a photo of him with a girl, the group would have problems because of him. He is such a fool! That's why he gets into all sorts of troubles. He cannot even come to you when he wants it, only when they have free time. “See you tomorrow” - he doesn’t even know if he will be able to leave the dorm tomorrow. But he must take a chance, not for that he went so far as to surrender so easily now. He must do everything possible. You agreed - that was the only thing that mattered. You watched a movie while you sat in his arms. He smiled. He must tease you, you must feel that need him. If while he can’t win your heart, he must at least conquer your body. He knows that you always played with guys, if he wants to be with you, he should become the main one in this game.

He quickly got home and went into the apartment. The party was in full swing. For a long time he had not seen hyungs so drunk.

“Kooky !!! Where were you my favorite, maknae. I missed you so much. ”Jin hugged him, kissing him on the cheek.

"Hyung, you're drunk!" he tried to break out of hyung's steel grip.

"Have you got a girlfriend?" asked Yoongi

“Of course, I have a lot of free time for this. What is the reason for that party? ” he quickly changed the subject.

“It's just that when you meet friends you no come so earlier and you are always drunk. And now it’s not even midnight and you are sober” Hoseok said with suspiciously.

“Reporter Kim Namjoon, Bangtan TV. Comment of this situation, Mr. Jeon” approached him Namjoon, using a bottle of soju instead of a microphone.

“Hyungs, you are all drunk. I have a photoshoot tomorrow morning. So I didn’t drink much and returned early” he made excuses.

“Okay, okay ... Justified!" Hoseok tapped with a spoon on the table.

Everyone began to laugh. He joined them, and taking a beer. " Do you like _________? Why do you constantly write dirty stuff to her all times.” asked Jin to Yoongi.

Jungkook choked a beer. ‘Why are you asking him this, hyung’, he thought. So he need to calm down. It is impossible that they all recognize on the first day.

“Yes, I like her” Yoongi replied, and Jungkook felt a growing worry inside. “We are sex friends” Namjoon dropped a can of beer, Hoseok was sitting with his mouth wide open, and Jungkook could not move from what he had just heard. He laughed out loud. “Wow ... It was worth it! This is a reaction! Daebak! She and I are friends in sex conversations. She knows everything about me and I about her. We give advice to each other, etc. There is nothing between us except friendship ”

“So you know all her boyfriends?” asked Jin

"Yes I knew"

“And do you know which idol she date?” sat closer Hoseok

"Yes I knew. But only they did not date, they just had sex. He does not have time for a relationship, she too. So they met together”

"Who is it? Who?" Hoseok bounced from excitement on a chair

"I will not say. If she wanted you to know, she would tell you herself” Yoongi replied, taking a sip of whiskey.

"But we are so interested" whined Hoseok

“I even have no doubt that you are interested”

“At least tell me from which group he is?” Yoongi shook his head, “Okay! At least tell me what agency he is from? ” did not give up Hoseok

"Okay, nevermind. Who cares who he is. This is her own business, it does not concern us. You don't want go to the barbecue? Long time we not ate grill meat ” said Jungkook

He tried to change the topic several times, but Hoseok still did not give up, and tried to find out who you were meeting. 'I wonder ____ will tell Yoongi about me,' he thought. While you were talking, the front door opened, Taehyung and Jimin came very drunk.

“Weren't you in the spa? Why the hell are you so drunk, and most importantly where? ” asked Namjoon

“We met a hubaes, they were going to a barbecue. They invited us to join them "said Taehyung, staggering

"Our maknaes are so grown" fell on the table Jin

Everyone laughed because of Jin' dramatic behavior. The rest of the night was a lot of fun. After everyone went sleep, he stayed with Yoongi in the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Yoongi asked, passing him a new beer.

"What are you talking about, hyung?" he asked him

“Do you like ________? That's why you are acting like this? ”

"Why do you think so? All is fine, hyung, I'm just tired, that's all! ”

“That you can tell others. You practically stop breathing when we talk about her. What happened at the last party? ”

"Nothing happened. Everything as usual"

“You don't want to talk, okay. I want to give you friendly advice: don’t start what you’re not sure about and don’t ruin everything because of a second desire ”

“What if I'm sure?”

Yoongi raised his head and looked into his eyes for several seconds studying his face. He got up and went up to him. Putting a hand on his shoulder, he said, “Sometimes, one-sided confidence may not be enough. Just be careful, otherwise it will hurt you in the end.” He squeezed his shoulder lightly before headed for the bedroom.

He sat and looked at the wall. Why does everyone say that he should be hurt. Is there really no chance that everything would be fine. Even your consent is more a way to show him that nothing will work out than a chance to be with him. “My confidence is enough for two,” he whispered, taking his last sip of beer. Throwing to bin empty can, he went into the bedroom. Having taken a shower, he put on his pajamas and lay down in bed. He checked the phone, there are no notifications from you, although you wrote a lot in group chat. You were still online, everyone is already sleeping, maybe you are texting with Yoongi. he opened a private chat with you and wrote

'Good night, cutie. It’s a pity that you are not near me. I want to fall asleep next, hugging you'

A minute later, the answer came: 'Didn't you say that you should get up early? Why aren’t you sleeping yet? '

'Do you worry about me? I am pleased to'

'Good night' he smiled at your answer, or rather that you did not answer his question.

'I like you, nuna. Fall in love in me'

'Crazy' he laughed after reading your answer.

Putting the phone under the pillow, he fell asleep with a smile on his face. For the first time in a long time, he slept very well. No thoughts disturbed him. Although he did not oversleep so much, in the morning he felt completely rested. He quickly packed up and went to the parking lot where the manager was waiting for him. “You look well rested, apparently you slept well.” Said the manager as soon as he saw him.

"Truth? Today I really slept really well.” He smiled as he got into the car. The first half of the day passed calmly. He could not stop smiling when they did makeup, because he was thinking about you all the time. He was wondering if you want to become their makeup artist. No, it was a bad idea. He would not be able to control himself, and all the staff would know about you within 5 minutes. While he was getting ready to shoot, he quickly wrote you 'Good morning. Have a good day. Do not strain your hand' a few minutes later he received the answer 'Good morning. Aren't you in the photoshoot? Don't be distracted from work.'

‘Oh dear, what a little grumpy. It's so cute’, he thought.. A few hours later it was all over. He hoped that their schedule was not very busy, and he could see you at least for half an hour. He got into the car and plunged in search of online flower delivery, it would be difficult for him to do it personally. He hoped that after 10 pm he would be free, so he made an order for this time and immediately paid back. He is also ordering a bottle of good wine and your favorite cake with the inscription 'Demo cake in honor of the first day of our demo relationship' While he was looking at the phone, the car stopped. He looked out the window, they were in the home parking lot. He saw other members near their group's van.

"Have you packed your stuff? If not, then hurry up”said the manager while getting out of the car.

“What, which stuff? What are you talking about, hyung? ” he asked, not understanding what was happening.

“What? Didn’t you hear yesterday? We are leaving for Busan to shoot a video, until the end of the week. Hurry up” said the manager. He stood in the middle of the parking lot, not believing what was happening now. To Busan? Until the end of the week? Stop. If this was known yesterday, Jin could tell you that they will leaving until end of the week. Really ... No, this cannot be ... You agreed to be with him because of you knew that he was leaving, and this only shows that he cannot do what he wants and date with someone he wants? The reality was too cruel.

He went into the elevator and dialed you.

“Did you know?”

“And hello to you. What are you talking about?" you asked.

“Did you know about this? Is that was your plan? ”

“I'm of course smart enough, but now I don’t understand what you’re talking about. You can calm down and ask a normal question. What exactly did I must to know and what plan are you talking about?”

“Did you know that I was leaving for Busan today until end of the week? Jin told you that yesterday? So thats why you agreed to try to be with me? To show me that nothing will happen the way I want? ”

You sighed heavily, “If you are going to make such teenage tantrums, then let's finish everything right now” you said in a calm voice and hung up. He was practically seething with anger when he reached his room. He threw things into the suitcase with force. Having collected all that is necessary, he went down to the parking lot and got into the car to the others.

"What happened? The photoshoot was a bad? In the morning you were in a good mood, ”Jimin asked when he sat down beside him.

“You're right, the mood was even too good.”

“You wrote _______ that we'll leaving until end of the week. Didn’t you make a meeting with her for tomorrow? ” asked Yoongi to Jin.

"Oh heck!!! I completely forgot. Because of our party, it completely flew out of my head. I'll write to her now” Jin took out his phone and started writing a message.

Jungkook dropped the phone from his hand. Damn, he screwed up. Again. He ruined everything without even having time to start. For an hour he could think of nothing but how stupid he had acted. Looking at the phone, he remembered the order he was doing. He went into the confirmation of the order, and sent a request to change the inscription on the cake 'Forgive me. I'm really not a mature child. Please give me one last chance.' Upon reaching the place, they had dinner and arrived at the hotel. He was settled in one room with Taehyung, but he was lucky because Taehyung went out for a walk with the rest of the members. He lay on the bed, and continued to look at the phone. He madly wanted to write or call you. But he could not. Not after what he made this afternoon. He received a notice that his order had been delivered. But you didn’t write anything ...

The next few days he did not even understand what he was doing, he just did everything that was told to him. He very often caught the worried glance of the members. But he didn’t care. On the last evening, he alone lay in the room, because everyone had left to a nightclub. Tomorrow morning they were returning home. They had a few days off.

He heard a knock on the door and got out of bed to open the door. On the threshold stood Yoongi. He had several bottles of soju in his hands. He walked by and sat on the floor between the beds. He put down two glasses and poured them. Jungkook still stood by the door.

"Sit down" said Yoongi

He went to the bed and sat on the floor opposite. Yoongi without a word handed him a glass and taking his drank it to the bottom, maknae did the same. Yoongi again poured them a full glass and they drank again. This went on several times. After the fifth glass, Yoongi finally broke the silence. "Talk" he said, filling the glasses again.

"There is nothing to talk ..."

Yoongi interrupted maknae not letting him finish the sentence. “If you say that 'everything is fine' or start talking about how tired you are. I swear I'll kick your ass. Therefore, stop lying and tell what is happening.  Or  should  I  call  and  ask _____?”

No, he certainly didn’t want it. He has not talked to you since that day. You haven’t written anything to him. You were right, now he really was hurt. He drank a glass, and tell his story. He told absolutely everything in detail, without hiding anything. He could no longer keep it into himself. He could not raise his head, he was too ashamed to look at hyung in his eye.

“God, you fool. Moron. How could it be so screwed up in a few days.” Yoongi sat and shaking his head. “Didn't I warn you that it will be so? Why didn’t you listen _______, when she told you the same thing. Of course, I understood that something goin on, but I did not expect that you had already managed to ruin everything ”

“Hyung, I know that I’m an idiot even without you. What I screwed up. This is not what I want to hear from you. ”

“No, you really listen. Another thousand, tens of thousands, millions of times how exactly you screwed up! ”

"What should I do now, hyung?" How can I fix it? ”

"What to do? To fix? Forget it, until you make the situation worse. It's not have enough for you of suffering, do you still want her to suffer because of you? Do you think I was not falling in love with her? ”

“Hyung ...” he was in shock.

“You are such a child. How could I not fall in love with her. It was as soon as we met. But unlike you, I reallist at things. Therefore, I put my feelings to hell until they grew. I have no regrets, we are good friends. But if I then tried to do something, I would ruin everything. That's why I advised you to think carefully about what you are going to do. Did you really think she set it up? ”

“Yes, I thought so. I just could not believe that she agreed. And it was easier for me to think into something bad, than to hope for sincerity on her part. When I heard in the car that she knew nothing .... Hyun, I thought I was going to die at that moment. It hurt so much for what I told to her. She is right that I am a child who is driven only by feelings. But I'm not ready to give up so easily. I will make any decision, but I can’t live if I don’t even try to fix it.”

“On the one hand, I envy you, your romantic hope. But on the other hand, I'm afraid you’ll hurt yourself even more ”

“It can’t be more hurts than now. So at least I will know that I did everything I could. And I won’t imagine every night "what could happened!"

“I won’t stop you, but I won’t help you either. The only help I can give you is to pretend that this conversation never happened. ”

They drank the last glass, and Yoongi went into his room. He sat on the floor and looked at the ceiling. He took the phone out of his pocket and wrote you the message 'Forgive me. Good night'

In the morning, absolutely everyone was tormented by a terrible hangover. On the way, they stopped at a restaurant for a portion of hangover soup. He liked that everyone was silent and no one paid attention to him. In silence, they returned home. Having taken a shower, he was lying in his room thinking what to do. He quickly dressed and drove to you. On the way, he bought flowers, he scared the seller with his appearance. She probably thought he was a robber. After a while he stood in front of your door. He looked at the bell and did not dare to ring it. Have you been home? Have you been home alone? Thoughts revolved in his head. Taking a few deep breaths, he rang the doorbell. After a moment he heard a noise after the door, it's good. You were at home. Opening the door, you examined him from head to toe.

“You're not from the delivery I ordered. What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk? Please"

You took a step back by letting him into the apartment. Turning around you went to the living room. You turned off the TV and sat on the sofa. He was following you, his head was empty. He laid flowers on a coffee table, went to you and knelt.

"What are you doing? Get up"

"Please forgive me. I will make any decision of yours and do everything as soon as you want. But please give us another chance. The last chance. Please” he was kneeling looking at the floor. He was unable to look you in the eye.

“Isn't it you who made the decision. You made it clear enough that you think of me. So why are you now kneeling in front of me and talking about some chance there” you got up and wanted to go past him. He took your hand stopping you. He rose from the floor and turned you to him.

"Forgive me. Sorry ... I just could not believe that you gave me a chance ... What did you give a chance to someone like me ... Therefore, when I heard about the trip, I could not stop my thoughts that you only wanted to play with me ... And only then I learned in the car that Jin didn’t tell you anything ... I felt like the last bastard. Forgive me."

“If you didn’t trust me from the very beginning, what the point to discuss something now. What the point was to start something at all”

"I trust you. Forgive me"

“So you made a tantrum because you trust me? So you said that I set it up everything because you trust me? You thought that I was just playing with you because you trust me? Have you even thought about me for a second? Have you ever thought for a second that I really want to try something with you? But I'm more angry  for myself. I was wrong. It hurt me too. It was too painful to hear this from you.” You turned your back to him.“ Go away ” you whispered ...

Everything inside was broken. You gave him a chance because you really started to like him. But he only hurt you. He came up and hugged you from back. You took a step forward breaking out of his arms. He hugged you again. You turned around pushing him away “I said, go away” he came up and kissed you. Again pushing him away, you hit a slap in the face. He took your wrists and pressed against the wall. He held your wrists over your head while he kissed you again. Your quarrel only excited him. The fact that his feelings were mutual, removed any fear in him. He pressed you with his body, preventing you from moving. After a couple of minutes your attempts to break out completely disappeared. He looked up from your lips and said, looking into your eyes, “I want you! You have three seconds to stop me. 1,2 ... ” before he said '3' you kissed him. This time the kiss was very hard and painful. His fingers stumbled forcefully into your body leaving traces. He could not control himself now. Everything that happened over the past week, all the feelings and pain, everything was reflected in this kiss. He lifted you up in the air so that you would wrap your legs around his waist. He went to your bedroom without breaking the kiss. Throwing you on the bed, he took off his hoody and T-shirt before kissing you again. Your fingers pressed into his skin. He practically tore off your clothes. The excitement was too strong to delay or be gently. After your kiss at the door, he woke up every night from his moans, because he dreamed of you, how he fucks you. He was lucky what Taehuyng sleep very soundly, and did not catch him when he woke up from the fact that he was moaning your name in a dream. He quickly took off the rest of his clothes before returning to bed. He sharply turned you on your stomach and bent your leg up.

You were also very excited like him, so despite the fact that you squeezed his cock inside, he was able to enter the entire length. He came out of you abruptly. And he made a harder jolt, making your body tremble. He lost the remnants of control over himself. He fucked you with hard, deep jolts. Sensations sent electric charges through his spine. The way your body trembled under him from the pleasure and your moans grew louder, covered him with a wave of pleasure. He won’t keep so long because you squeezed his cock with your pussy. He ran his fingers through your hair, squeezing them tightly. His teeth left marks on your neck and shoulders. He wanted to show everyone that you belong to him. There was nothing civilized in this sex, only animal passion. “I'll cumming now” you moaned when his jolts became too fast. He was glad, he barely held on. It was too good. The sensations were so strong that it seemed the heart would now stop from enjoying. He moved his hand to the clit and rubbed it. Your body trembled under him while you cum hard. His dick would be squeezed by your pussy so tightly that he could hardly move to make a few jerks. His dick twitched filling you with sperm. His whole body was chained by an orgasm, that fell upon him.

He was lying on you. He could feel how your and his hearts beating fast in unison. He was breathing heavily while recovering. He had never experienced such a strong orgasm in his life. He felt his cock pulsating inside you. Despite the fact that he just cum very hard, he was still completely hard on. He flipped you onto your back and entered you again. He hugged you and rolled over. Now you was lay on him. He continued to make slow, shallow jolts. Pleasure rose in waves, spreading warmth through the body. He wanted more. He felt his jolts make his sperm flow out of you. Every push made your skin goosebumps. He again felt very excited. He began to make deep jerks. Tougher than before, although they were still slow. His fingers dug into your hips, pushing you as deep on him as possible. Your hands moved to his wrists. You squeezed his hands hard enough, push him out to the bed. You kissed him hard by biting his lip. Pain pierced him, but why did it only make him more excited. “Now it's my turn,” you said. You ran your hands over your body, squeezing your breast. The sight of you swinging on his cock, and your hands playing with your breast, made him as excited more. When you descended on his cock, he raised his hips making jolt harder. Your one hand moved to his stomach, digging his nails into his abs. The pain made his cock twitch in you. He abandoned his attempts to move and lay calmly, accepting everything that you give him.  

You was put your hands on his chest. It made you change the angle of penetration into you. Your movements have become faster. His glans rubbed against the wall of the vagina. His body was trembling with pleasure. Each of your movements sent a discharge through his body that made him arch his back. “If you continue like that, I’m not enough for even 5 minutes,” he whispered, breathlessly with pleasure. You lowered and ran your tongue over his nipple. 'You want his dead', he thought when you did the same with another nipple. He was on the verge. He sat abruptly, making you stay kneel again. He wrapped his arm around your waist to control your jolts, slowing them down. He sucked your nipple in his mouth. Your breast drove him crazy all this time. He played with his tongue with your nipple, sucking it. He clamped your nipple with his teeth and felt how tightly you squeezed his cock, he repeated the same thing to another. He lowered you to cock forcing you to do hard jerks. You pushed him down again so he lay down. He was lying looking at you. Just your appearance could make him cum right now. Your body was wet, he could see red marks on your hips and neck that he had left, and your eyes were covered with pleasure. You looked very lecherous. He lost count of how many nights he spent imagining you that way while jerking off. Your pace has accelerated greatly, and your fingers have moved to your clitoris. He kept his last strength so as not to cum first. His fingers caressed your skin. He ran across your stomach, rising to your chest. Your skin was so hot. “Damn it, fuck, fuck.. I’m cumming ... Oooh, this is too fucking good.." you said and tightly squeezed his cock inside, which made his body tremble with pleasure. He gripped you tightly in his arms as you fell onto his chest. He continued to make quick hard jolts reaching his orgasm, he could not control the loud moans that burst from him when he cumming. It felt like whole his body was breaking. As if he were drawn into a hurricane, and his body just hung in the air. He could neither hear nor see anything around. He felt like in heaven.

It seems he lost consciousness for several minutes, but you didn’t even notice this, because you also came to your senses after an orgasm. His whole body was trembling. He rolled onto side when he was able to feel his body again. He lay in an embrace you and he left a tender kiss on your lips. He pressed you closer to his body, he wanted to completely dissolve into you, what was this moment never ends. Now in this world there was nothing but the two of you. He did not want to return to reality without knowing what awaited him there.

“We need a shower, but my body refuses to move,” you said, resting on his chest.

“I don’t feel my body, let's forget about the shower. I like being dirty. ” you laughed at his words. The sound of your laughter, the fact that you were lying embracing him made his melt, from the tenderness that he felt. Despite the fact that this was the first time, the feeling was as if you had been dating for many years. After a while, you still got up and went into the shower. He leaned against the wall, clutching you to him, while hot water flowed down your bodies. He did not want to lose even the slightest opportunity to feel you. Leaving the shower, he gently wiped your body while your fingers played with his wet hair. He pulled you and kissed you. Your lips are so seductive, he wanted to kiss you every second. Back on the bed, you pulled out the bedspread to the floor and were light at a clean bedding. It felt so natural. You two were cuddling in your bed. After a long time, you asked him, “Don't you have to go back at dorm?”

Reality brought you back from heaven to earth. But he did not want to let go of his, even a short, moment of happiness. He reached into the pants that were lying on the floor and pulled out his phone. He quickly printed a message saying that he would stay with friends today because they were going to drink all night, and sent it to Jin. Without waiting for an answer, he threw the phone back into a pile of your clothes. “No, don't. I want to stay with you tonight. I want to sleep with you and hugging all night. And I absolutely do not care if you do not want it. If you’ll be indignant, I’ll just bind you” he said with a grin.

"Look at you, how you talk" you answered laughing.

“And by the way, looking ahead, I want to say right away. I regard all of this as your positive response, in to give me one last chance. ”

“Okay” you raised your head to meet his eyes. "The last chance. The conditions remain the same: no jealousy, no commitment and no demands. ”

“This time I will not spoil anything”

“You didn’t forget that in a month you’re going on tour, and next week you start preparing for the concert? Just clarifying just in case”

"I remember". But he did not want to think about it now. He will simply rejoice at every moment that you can spend together. Now he was happy and you were in his arms.

[The day before leaving for the tour]

He was happy that he had the opportunity to break out to you, albeit not for long. All this time you managed to meet only for short moments. You came to the hostel several times. He remembered how quickly dragged you into the bathroom while everyone was busy in the kitchen. He left some quick slaps on your ass becouth you were changing into Jin clothes again. “I want only my clothes, my hands, my lips and my cock on or into your body. You understood?” he ripped off the shorts from you and made some hard jerks. He abruptly stepped out of you, straightened his clothes, and stepped out of the bathroom. He left another slap on your bare ass before leaving you choking on excitement. He practically laughed when he remembered that he had paid for it, because you seduced him all evening, after what you left without giving the opportunity to even touch you.

He got to your door and rang the bell. You opened the door, "Hello," you said, and he froze. You were only wearing a transparent lace cape on a naked body. A grocery bag that was in his hand slipped down. He didn't care. He began to take off his clothes while closing the door behind him. He pushed you against the wall, unfastening his pants. In a second he was already deep into you. He fucked you maybe too hard, but he couldn't stop. Each jolt into your tight hot pussy felt too good, he could not restrain loud moans. He did not care if the whole house heard his moans. He kissed you. It was a kiss saturated with lust, desire and debauchery... He could no longer endure, he put his hand between you, covering your clitoris with your fingers. He quickly rubbed it to make you cum. As soon as you squeezed his cock with force, he could no longer restrain his orgasm. You have cum at the same time. His fingers pressed into your skin while he was lost in his pleasure. Your moans mixed up filling the apartment. After a few minutes, you were still standing motionless. He hugged you, holding your body to himself while he was still inside you. “And hello to you” he laughed...

“Usually people kiss first each other at the meeting, rather than fuck hard at the door” you said, raising an eyebrow.

“Didn't I kiss you? As for me, this is the best greeting in all times”

“Didn't you left the grocery bag behind the door?”

“Heck, food” he gently stepped out of you. He took some napkins and wiped himself off. Putting his pants back on, he reached for a T-shirt that was lying on the floor. “Go to the shower, I'll prepare everything for the barbecue for now” he said, turning you towards the shower and slightly slapping you.

"Crazy". Before you could take a step, he slipped fingers into your hair. He turned your head and kissed you passionately. He ran the finger of his second hand over your pussy, playing with your clit, he made your body tremble. He tucked his head away to run a finger across your lower lip before sticking it into your mouth. Your soft moan made you tighten his grip on your hair. He removed a finger from your mouth and kissed you again. He groaned when he felt your and his taste on your lips. His fingers gripped your nipple, making your moan loudly. “You and me are perfect mix” he said with a lustful smile. He turned you and took the second nipple in his mouth eagerly sucking it. He put fingers in your pussy, stretching you. He used sperm as a lubricant to fuck you. He quickly jerk his fingers inside you, each time hitting your clitoris. While your hips not started trembling with an advancing orgasm. He felt you squeeze his fingers. “Wait. Please ... I’ll cumming now ... Fuck!” you gasped at the combination of his mouth on your nipples and his fingers with the force of fucking you. He kissed you again drowning out your moans while you hard cum on his fingers. He slowly drove wet fingers over your clit, stretching your orgasm ... He stepped back, inspecting you from head to toe. Raising his hand, he licked his fingers. His lips glistened with your juices, and he drew his tongue over them, “You are so tasty,” he grinned.

“I think I’m influencing you badly” you said, shaking your head, turning to the side of the bath. He pressed you to the wall, leaving a bite on your neck.

“I like how you influence me” he kissed you once more before letting go. He opened the door and laughed, seeing a bag around which groceries were scattered. He quickly assembled everything and went into the kitchen. He took out a grill and washed the leaves of lettuce and perilla for your barbecue. He chopped vegetables and then set the table. You went into the kitchen just when he had finished arranging everything. You easily patted his ass, “Such a good boy.” He smiled broadly when he turned and saw that you were in his T-shirts and shorts, which he left with you. “You look just unrealistically sexy in my stuff” he left a light kiss on your lips.

You laughed while preparing a barbecue. He did not want to think that he was leaving tomorrow, and would not be able to see you for a very long time. He enjoyed every second spent with you.

“I have homework for you while I am gone” he said.

"Homework? I’ve already left that age when I doing homework, plus I’ve never been a diligent student.”

“For some reason, I am absolutely not surprised at this. Bad girl. Wait you distracted me ”

"Okay, I'm listening to you."

“I want our relationship to become real, and not a demo version. I do not ask you to answer right now. Just think about it while I'm gone. If you'll miss me hard enough, answer me yes. If my absence will be not noticeable to you, I will forget about this conversation, and our relationship will remain at the same level, and this conversation will never happen again ” he tried to sound calm, despite the excitement that made his heart beat at a frantic speed.

“Okay, I'll think about it.”

Having finished dinner, he had to return to dorm and pack his things. The first time I felt sad when going on a tour.

 •…•…•…•…•…•…•…•…•…•…•…•…•

A month and half later...

He was lying on the bed in the room. He liked that the schedule was full. Constant repetition and preparations did not let him lose his mind on how much he missed you. They changed another city. You often chat with him, he told you how their tour goes, telling funny stories that happened to them. Your communication was the same. But he still haven’t answered the homework he gave you. He could not ask you, because he promised you to make any decision, but why he was so sad about it. He took out the phone and wrote to you, sending some photos from their rehearsal. Despite the time difference, you answered quickly enough. He call you, wanting to hear your voice.

"How are you?" he asked as soon as you picked up

"I am pretty good. There is a lot of work now, so I’m practically not comming back at home. ”

You talked discussing who was doing what the last days. Half an hour later, you said goodbye, wishing each other good night.

He went to the shower when he heard a notification sound. He went out and looked at the phone; he was sure that it was either one of the members or a manager. He was surprised when he saw your name on the screen. He opened the message

'By the way, Jungkook. I finally got the answer to your homework. ' His heart skipped a beat. He was worried too much because of which he did not can put at the right letters. After a third attempt, he was finally to write the message correctly

“And what is the answer to your homework?”

His heart was beating hard while he waited for an answer. It seems time has stopped going for him. Waiting seemed like an eternity. Finally got a response

'I miss you!'

He practically squealed with joy. He climbed onto the bed and jumping with joy, like a child who was got best Christmas present. He absolutely didn't care about Jimin, who went into the room and froze in the doorway.

"Are you crazy?" asked Jimin

He ran to Jimin and hugged him, lifting him into the air. He left a kiss on his cheek before releasing and going to the bathroom. Jimin was still standing in the middle of the room and was in deep shock from what just had happened. He went into the bathroom and re-read your message.

“I miss you too, so badly!!!” he quickly sent you an answer.

Now he was completely happy.

_________________________

Part: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [extra]

LIST

[wordsandshawn]

Spiral

Requested: Angst where Shawn teases the reader about her weight as a joke, but she takes it really personally and gets super insecure about it

A/N: Not quite as a joke because I don't think “joking” about someone’s weight is ever okay, but Shawn says something and y/n definitely interprets it in a certain way that kind of spirals into a mess. 

Warnings: talk about weight, descriptions of negative thoughts, negative body image, angst. 

~

With the amount of stress you’ve been experiencing lately, a lot of your normal self-care routines have been thrown out the window, partially because you don’t have the time and partially because you don’t have the energy. Self-care for you looks like going for runs, meal prepping so you can eat healthily, and taking nights off where you take long bubble baths, deep condition your hair, and just be really lazy without letting yourself focus on the stresses in your life.

Since all of those things take time, you haven’t been able to do them. Truthfully, you haven’t been prioritizing them like you should. It becomes a cycle that all just spirals downhill. You get busy so you stop taking the time to care for your mental health, but then your mental health goes downhill, and then you’re not in the right mind to realize how much you need self-care, and it continues to get worse. 

When weeks or months go by without you remembering to take care of yourself in the little ways, it really affects your mental health. You’ve really started to notice it over the past week. It feels like you’re drowning, but you don’t quite know how to get yourself back on solid land.

Talking to Shawn normally helps you feel more grounded when things like this happen, and truthfully, he’s the one who normally pulls you out of these feelings when you get like this. But he’s been in Australia, and you’ve both been pretty busy. Even when you finally get a chance to facetime him or talk to him, he’s too far away to do much. 

Your phone is propped up against a pile of laundry on your bed, and you’re Facetiming Shawn while folding the laundry. You had just finished telling him about how stressed you’ve been lately, and you how much you hate it. You explain that it seems like everything is nnever-endingand no matter how much you do, there’s always more for you to do, which is discouraging and disheartening and difficult to deal with. Lately, just the buildup of it all has led to you constantly feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

When you finish telling him all of this, you continue folding your laundry and Shawn is silent for a few moments. You don’t think much of it, assuming he’s just thinking too. When he finally speaks, he says, “Have you been running lately?” This question catches you completely off-guard and makes you feel immediately self-conscious of your body. 

Your phone had been propped up in a way that showed your whole body since you were busy folding laundry, but you grab it, no longer wanting your body to be on the screen or in his view. “No, I’ve been busy.” You respond, feeling defensive.

“I know, but maybe you should start again.” Shawn suggests.

“Yeah, maybe.” You respond before quickly changing the subject. You got the message loud and clear, and you definitely don’t want to talk to Shawn about this anymore, fearing that you’ll feel even more insecure and unworthy than you already do.

If you were in a better mental state, you might have brushed off the statement and not pondered over it. But with where you are right now, you can’t help but read into the statement. You know that you haven’t been running lately, not for the last few weeks, at least. And you haven’t been eating well either. It’s been so difficult to find the time and energy to run after a long day or to wake up early to get in a run before work. Once you fell out of the routine of running several times a week, it’s been nearly impossible to get back into it. And as for eating, meal prep and getting to the grocery store have been hard. It’s been easier to pick up something on your way home from wherever you were or to drive thru somewhere on your way to your next destination.

Apparently, Shawn’s noticed the results of this in your body. You were somewhat aware that you had been gaining a bit of weight, but you didn’t realize it was that noticeable.

You end the conversation rather quickly after that and find yourself making up excuses as to why you can’t facetime Shawn over the next week while he’s away.

When Shawn returns home a week later because he has a twenty-day break between shows, you can’t avoid him any longer. You’ve talked to Shawn less than normal over the last week, not being able to bear the negative thoughts that tend to overtake you whenever you talk to him and start to wonder what he may be thinking of you. It’s taken nearly a whole week of struggle, but you’re starting to finally feel some sense of control again.

You’ve begun making your workouts a priority, and you’ve started eating healthy. Even though it’s only been a week, you’ve noticed a change in your body. Although running used to bring you mental release, it doesn’t anymore. Now you’re so focused on running farther and faster, focused on burning more calories and growing thinner, that it only causes more anxiety.

You’re more irritable lately, and on top of the worries and pressures of work and school, you find yourself worried that you’re not enough for Shawn. You’re terrified he’s starting to think twice about wanting to be with you.

When he shows up at your apartment, you’re worried he’s judging your body. He pulls you close in his arms. It’s been nearly a month since you saw him last, so of course, he misses you. You missed him too, but you can’t help but pull away from his embrace, much quicker than he would have liked. His hands linger on your waist, but only for a second before you brush him off completely and distract him by suggesting you watch a movie. 

Shawn pushes back on the suggestion at first, saying he wants to have dinner, maybe go out to a restaurant or order in, but you lie and tell him you already ate, even though you hadn’t eaten anything since the morning. You tell him he can order food if he’d like, but he decides not to. He’s disappointed that you ate without him, knowing he was coming, and you always eat together. This is true, but you couldn’t stand the thought of eating in front of him after you’d been scrutinizing over the words he said to you over facetime for the past week.

After a little bit, he finally drops the subject of food and agrees to watch a movie. He can tell there’s something off about you, but you insist you’re just tired, and you want to relax. As the movie begins playing, you stay mostly on your side of the couch, and Shawn clearly gets the message and respects your space.

Finally, after about an hour, Shawn can’t take it anymore. He pauses the movie and turns toward you, “Are you mad at me?” He questions, clearly, he’s been searching through his mind to try to figure out what could have possibly gone wrong between the two of you.

“No,” You respond. You’re not intending to be short with him, but there’s too much going on in your head that you’re not able to speak out loud.

“What are you upset about?” He questions further. 

“Nothing.” Everything. “I’m just tired.” The most common lie.

He studies you for a moment. He sees right through that lie, and you’re not surprised that he does. “Y/n, you can talk to me. You know that right?” He says in a softer voice this time, and you nod, but you still don’t talk.

After a couple more seconds, you can’t take it anymore, and you reach to turn the movie back on. Shawn asks you questions throughout the rest of the movie to try to understand your change in demeanor, but you refuse to give anything away.

When the movie ends, Shawn turns off the tv before you can even suggest putting on another. He looks at you and you look anywhere but back at him.

“What’s wrong?” He questions, finally. His voice is soft like he’s hesitant and unsure but he genuinely cannot figure out what has happened to you or why you’re acting this way.

“Nothing.” You mumble, but you refuse to make eye-contact. You’ve never been good at keeping things from Shawn.

“Seriously, y/n.” Shawn says, scooting closer, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” You respond, slightly more forcefully this time.

“Okay,” he pauses. “What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” You snap, something you rarely ever do.

Shawn is clearly surprised, but he doesn’t get angry like you expect him to. It’s like he knows there’s something off with you, and he’s patient enough to try to figure it out instead of getting angry at you for snapping at him when he’s only trying to help.

“Look, y/n. If I did something that upset you, please tell me because I have no idea what’s wrong or what I did or how I’m supposed to fix it.” He’s running his fingers through his hair like he’s stressed. The way you’ve been acting has been freaking him out, and he can’t figure out what to do to make things better. All he wants is to be able to make things better.

You finally sigh. You know you should have just talked to Shawn about your feelings from the beginning, but instead, you chose to keep them inside where they festered and grew and led you to where you are now. 

“Am I too fat for you?”

The words come out nearly inaudible and Shawn leans closer to you, asking, “What?”

You swallow past the lump in your throat. “Do you think I’m fat?” You say, this time loud enough for him to hear. His eyebrows immediately knit together in confusion, but before he can respond, you blurt, “Do you not like me anymore because I’ve gained weight.”

“What are you talking about? Of course not, y/n.” He responds forcefully.

“It’s just that last week you made a comment that you thought I needed to work out more.” You respond, your heart is beating fast and the anxiety within you is building just talking about this topic.

“Y/n, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t say that you needed to lose weight. I think you’re perfect the way you are, and I would never say something like that.” He responds, still baffled. 

“But you did, Shawn!” You respond, feeling suddenly emotional.

“Okay, okay, let me think about it.” He responds, reaching out to take your hand in an attempt to calm you down without moving too close because he senses that you’ve been wanting distance and he wouldn’t want to push past your boundaries. He takes a deep breath, no doubt trying to regulate himself and pull his thoughts together so that he can hold you together and keep you from falling apart. “What else were we talking about? Maybe you just heard wrong or something?”

“We were facetiming, and I was folding laundry and telling you about my week and you said I needed to run more.” You explain, that exact moment was already seared in your mind, you don’t know how he could possibly have forgotten it.

Realization floods his face as that moment comes rushing back to him. “Y/n, I promise I didn’t mean it like that at all. The only reason—the only reason I asked was because I know that it helps you feel better when you run. And I know that it helps you get out of your head and you feel so much less stressed after. I remember, you were telling me about how stressed you were, and I just thought that was something that could help you mentally. It didn’t have anything to do with your body or your weight. Fuck. I’m sorry. I should’ve been thinking, but I just wasn’t thinking about that at all and I didn’t realize how it might affect you.” He pauses, and you let those words sink in for a moment. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes, genuinely looking sorry.

You realize how much you’ve over-reacted, and you believe that Shawn loves you and that he would not say something like “You need to work out,” without having your best interest at heart. “I’m sorry, I overreacted.” You respond, but even as the words leave your mouth, you’re not quite sure they’re completely true.

The doubts have still been planted in your mind. You’ve been self-conscious about your body and your weight for as long as you can remember. It doesn’t matter that people always say nice things to you if the topic of weight ever comes up in conversation, you still feel the way you do. Sometimes all of your insecurities flare up and leave you having negative thoughts for a while until you’re able to appreciate your body for the things it lets you do, for being a safe home for you to live in, and for the healing and breathing and walking and running and laughing.

“Hey,” Shawn whispers to get your attention. He noticed you get lost in your mind, and he tugs gently on your hand like a whispered come back to me. You look at him, and he says, “I love you, always.” You just nod, not even having the words or energy to respond verbally. He scoots closer to you on the couch, and this time you don’t back away. He wraps his arms around you, and you lean into his embrace.

“Do you want to know what I thought when I walked in the door earlier tonight to see you?” He asks, breaking the silence that had fallen between the two of you.

“What?” You question, preparing yourself to hear Shawn say something completely sappy and far too romantic for your liking.

“How lucky I am that the most beautiful girl in the world actually chose me.” He responds, keeping a straight face and sounding genuine.

You look at him, his face only a few inches from yours, and crinkle your nose in mock disgust. “Shawn, do you even hear yourself?” You question, but a small smile spreads across your face, and it only gets bigger when he breaks into a smile too.

“Yes. And it got you to smile, so that’s all that matters.”

You shake your head at him, but you don’t stop smiling. “I love you,” You say before tilting your chin up, your silent way of asking for a kiss. Shawn immediately obliges and closes the distance.

After a few seconds, your stomach growls, giving away your earlier lie about having already eaten. By the look in Shawn’s eyes when you make eye contact with him, he heard it too and knows exactly what it means. For a second, you’re afraid he’ll call you out or be upset, but he just reaches for his phone, “So… Chinese or Italian?” He questions naming your two favorite types of food, and you let out a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding.

“Chinese.” You respond without having to think twice this time. “And I want to get an extra side of the orange chicken sauce because they never give enough.” You add.

“There’s my girl,” Shawn says with a smile as he searches your favorite Chinese restaurant in his postmates app. And he’s right, you’re feeling a lot more like yourself since having that conversation with Shawn.

You may not just forget about the self-doubt and the feelings of insecurity that have recently been stirred up in you, but there’s one thing that you don’t doubt, it’s that Shawn genuinely loves you and supports you. He loves you for who you are. He considers himself lucky to be loved by you, and that makes you feel so loved, treasured, and valued at the end of the day.

[diyunho]

The Joker X Reader - “What Death Tastes Like” Part 2

Scarecrow’s daughter might be only 22, yet the terminal lung cancer she was diagnosed with six months ago didn’t discriminate against her age; the young woman didn’t show worrisome symptoms until it was too late. Y/N always had a fascination for the much older King of Gotham and despite the consequences, maybe it’s finally time to do something about it.

Part 1         Part 3        Part 4      Part 5

“That was very nice,” you whisper in The Joker’s ear. “I know you’re not sleeping,” you sigh and force yourself to get out of his bed after watching TV together for almost 3 hours. “I’m going, OK?” you whisper, not sure why he’s ignoring you. But you have a clue: he probably just wanted to avoid a huge fight with Emma or your father finding out about his cruel words regarding your illness. “Fine, whatever…” you admonish and exit the premises, upset he’s behaving like that since he offered truce a few hours ago. The King of Gotham is actually completely out, even if you believe otherwise.

It was awesome having him carry you in his arms and not protest when you kissed him; you have to admit you were disappointed he didn’t initiate anything once you ended up in his bed; you really thought he would. J let you snuggle to him and you hoped for more to happen, yet his lack of interest made you realize it was stupid to try and hint you wanted him. What is a 40-ish old man supposed to do with a 22 years old woman that playfully keeps flirting with him? In this case, obviously just enjoy a couple of movies which proved he doesn’t take into consideration your dumb crush.

The more you analyze this night, the more you’re inclined to vote for the exact opposite of what you did: you should have kept your mouth shut and refrain sharing intimate matters with him.

I guess sometimes genius truly skips a generation …

*************

3 Weeks Later

You didn’t come to the mansion in the last 3 weeks: when J woke up the next morning after your visit, you were gone. Emma informed him you waited for her to catch up and then went home; he wondered if you left because of what happened or if there was no reason for it at all. One thing’s for certain though: The Joker got the slight impression you evade him, especially since two days ago you dropped Emma off then raced out of the property in a hurry when you noticed he was coming out of the house. The skid marks on the pavement were a pretty clear sign you didn’t want to linger at the place you normally enjoyed hanging out at.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t mean you can escape The Clown Prince of Crime forever.

“OK,” Emma gives you a soft nudge in the restaurant owned by her parent. “You gotta help me out,” she pleads to a skeptical Y/N. “I insisted we have lunch here for a good reason: my dad brought his wacko-on-and-off-girlfriend and I can’t stand her; I need backup. Please flirt with him and say that stuff you usually say!” she giggles. “You have my blessing to go crazy, I swear you won’t hear a peep out of me! It will be hilarious to see her reaction!” she pushes you and it’s too late to escape the unwanted rendezvous you had no clue about until now.

You are already at the table and didn’t have a moment to take in your best friend’s proposal: you wish you had a warning about this plan of hers but Emma impulsiveness and surprise element runs in the family.

Maybe she thought you would love such a funny challenge…

Yeah… not really...

You know Mara anyway and bumping into her alongside J is not enjoyable to say the least, mainly due to the odd atmosphere you hope his daughter won’t notice.

“Hi daddy,” Emma pulls her chair and you take a seat by her muttering a faint hello.

“Hey kid!... … Miss Crane,” he sneers and you intensely stare at the menu in front of you without blinking.  

“I didn’t see you in forever,” Mara addresses you and you indifferently glare at her. “I must say you look terrific: you are glowing! What’s your secret?” she snickers and you duly inform:

“I’m dying. I’m sure you remember I have terminal cancer; my dad makes my meds and they do help somewhat, thus the glow.”

“As long as you’re not contagious,” the woman underlines and Emma gasps at her affirmation.

You smirk and reach over to touch her forearm, softly digging your nails in her skin.

“I am and now that I touched you, you’ll die too!”

You get up from the table while hearing The Joker saying something but your ears are ringing so you can’t discern a word.

“How can you say stuff like this?!” Emma reprimands and you calmly take a small ampule from your pocket, open it and pour some dust in the palm of your hand.

“I was just expressing a concern,” Mara gesticulates and you bend over, blowing the fine ashes in her face.

“What the fuck?!” she quickly brushes the ticklish powder off her cheeks, worried at your action. “What is this?!”

“Nightmare,” you scoff. “One of my father’s top products. I recently assisted him make it stronger and there’s no antidote. Don’t worry though, it won’t kill you and it will wear off in a few hours. Plus, it’s not contagious. Enjoy!” you leave the gathering and Emma follows, enraged things didn’t go as planned yet she can’t blame Y/N.

Since the restaurant is closed to the public due to his owner’s presence, there’s not a soul around besides J that can hear Mara’s terrified screams once the wicked hallucinogen kicks in: it’s called Nightmare for a good reason!

*************

6:02PM

“Knock, knock,” The Joker enters Scarecrow’s lab, already in a foul mood.

“Not a step further!” his movement gets halted. “Sterilize yourself if you want in: I’m making more capsules for Y/N,” Crane points at the numerous ingredients on the counter.

“Your lab is huge, if I stay right here…” J tries to convince Jonathan although he’s aware he has zero chances: it never succeeds but his stubbornness prompts him to fight the request each time.

“No!” your father firmly rejects the proposal. “Sterilize yourself and come help me!”

“Where’s your daughter?” The King of Gotham starts washing his hands in the sink by the glass sliding doors.

“She went to stay at the cabin. I got lectured,” your dad huffs, scolding in the next second: “You’re not done! More!” he commands and J reprises the cleaning process required by his very obliging host.

“Ugh,” he mumbles and continues. “Why did you get lectured?”

“Apparently, I buried myself in this place and she hates it. I also got threatened that if I don’t stop trying to find a remedy for her incurable disease, she’ll quit taking the current medications. I received orders to call Evelyn and beg for reconciliation also,” Scarecrow briefs a gratified King of Gotham:

“I guess we both have someone in our lives we can’t neglect,” The Joker dries his hands, puts on latex gloves and snatches an immaculate lab coat from the hanger nearby.

“What am I to do?...” Crane whispers. “Let my daughter die without trying to save her?...” then immediately snaps out of it. “Hair net!!!!” he shouts at The Joker, annoyed he’s trying to skip it.

“For God’s sake,” J complaints … still does as required. “What’s in for me in exchange for my services?”

“What do you want?”

“Two vials of your new, improved Nightmare formula. I witnessed it at work today and let me tell you, that stuff’s amazing!”

“How did you witnessed it at work?! It’s not released on the black market yet,” Jonathan carefully measures the quantities for your medicine.

“Oh, funny you should mention,” the evident sarcasm makes your father pay attention. “Y/N used it on Mara earlier today and she totally lost her mind! I had to lock her up in the pantry at the restaurant with three of my men guarding the door! She went bonkers!!!”

“Sorry,” Scarecrow’s flat tone irritates J. “I guess either you or Mara did something Y/N didn’t like. Welcome to my daughter’s shit list,” he cordially emphasizes.

“You shouldn’t talk to me like this,” The Joker fixes his green locks under the hair net. “One of these days I might become your son-in-law, you know Y/N showers me with her undivided affection.”

“Over my dead body!” Jonathan shrieks and The Clown Prince of Crime seems delighted.

“Hmmm… I can arrange that.”

“Just shut up and help me, would you? What am I paying you for?! Y/N needs more capsules; she’s almost out. Can you tell Emma to take this to her? I’m gonna let her chill, she’s still mad at me.”

“Wimp, you’re afraid to confront her,” J rolls his eyes and Scarecrow is not the one to be intimidated by his guest’s nonsense:

“Says the man that freaked out and searched the town for hours thinking his daughter run away when in fact she was asleep behind the rose bushes in the backyard at their mansion.”

“I didn’t freak out!” The Joker sulks at the unwelcomed reminder.

“Of course you didn’t,” Jonathan serenely replies. “Now fill out the capsules with the amount I already weighted and don’t mess up! I’ll verify your performance.”

“Give it a rest!” J growls. “Emma left for New York; she’ll be there for a couple of days. I’ll take this to Y/N.”

“Don’t think so,” he gets cut off. “I’ll send one of my couriers.”

“I’ll do it for free.”

“Why?”

“I have a score to settle,” J confesses to Scarecrow’s dismay. 

“If you hassle my daughter, I’ll create a plague designed only for your genes and I’ll exterminate you from this planet!”

“Imagine this is not the first time I’m threatened with a pathogen manufactured to ensure my demise,” The Joker hints even if he doesn’t have to.

“She is my daughter,” Crane explains, entirely understanding the reference. “The branch doesn't fall far from the tree; she knows I would so you’d better watch it!”

“Then you have nothing to worry about, right?” the pushy menace concentrates on his task, adamant in finding a way to see you no matter what.

**************

8:31pm

The Joker drives on the narrow path leading to the cabin, stirring left when a car coming from the opposite direction hunks at him.

“Heeeeyyyyy, Mister Joker!!!!!” someone yells and the other SUV accelerates past J’s yet he has enough time to recognize the aggravating pest: Sam aka Bane’s son. A few unpleasant phrases are grumbled regarding the encounter when another detail sets off the pissed King:

Y/N is racing towards the cabin after recognizing her best friend’s dad vehicle; you came out to say goodbye to Sam and take a walk when your idea abruptly changed.

“Are you kidding me??!!” J grinds his teeth while watching you stumble in the grass, then energetically gather yourself up and sprint inside, slamming the door behind.

“Wow!” he exclaims while parking close to the stairs, unsure on how this day will evolve; so far it goddamned sucked.

“Miss Crane,” The Joker taps at the heavy oak door. “Open up, I have your med!”

Maybe if you don’t engage he’ll leave.

“Is this how you thank me for delivering your pills?!” he gets worked up, thumping intensifying.

“Leave the package on the porch and go away!”

“Oh, she speaks!!!” J instantly snaps. “Open up, it’s cold out here!”

“No it’s not,” you call him out on his bullshit.

“You owe me apologies for what you did to Mara!” he demands, cringing at your defiance.

“Ha! When hell freezes!!!”

“What was Bane’s son doing here?” he tries a different strategy, definitely losing patience.

“None of your business!”

“I brought dinner,” J adds because that’s the last ace in his sleeve. “From the restaurant… your favorite. Aren’t you hungry?”

Does the silence mean you’re giving in?...

“Did you bring strawberry crepes too?”

“Yeah,” The Joker lies since he naturally forgot about desert.

The door faintly creeks and you unlock it, finally letting him in; you’re hesitant about your judgement and snatch the two paper bags out of his hands: the small one contains capsules, the big one harbors foam containers with the foods you like.

“Where are the crepes?” you frown at the lack of the delicious treat.

“I have this suspicion you’ve been avoiding me,” J talks about the reason he’s there without answering your question.

“I’m not…”

“Then why don’t you come to the mansion anymore, hm?”

His gaze circles the living room, involuntarily noticing the blood stained tissues in the trash can by the couch.

“Did you have another episode?” The Joker inquires. “Should I call your dad?”

“No…I’m fine…”

“Are you sure?” he insists and you unwrap the plastic utensils, sniffing.

“It’s not a big deal, it happens more and more often… I wish Emma was here,” you wipe your teary eyes and J bestows his infinite wisdom upon the young woman.

“Well, my daughter’s not here and I’m not renowned for making people feel better,” he twists the cap of the bottled water near him. He takes a sip then gives the container to the confused Y/N. “I’m not sure if this will help, but you can touch something my lips touched.”

You smile at his offer, kind of happy he’s using one of your catchy lines.

“What’s this? Reversed flirting?” you pout and drink from the bottle, placing it on the table afterwards.

He doesn’t bother to respond besides apathetically mentioning:

“I’ll spend the night; it’s dark outside and I don’t want to end up in a ditch.”

“It’s summertime, still sunny,” you highlight the indisputable truth to a guy that couldn’t care less.

“I’m tired. Crane pressured me to work! Did you know he took advantage of my kindness and made me sink a couple of hours in his project? What project you ask?” J cracks his neck although you weren’t curious. “I helped made your treatment,” he blurs out and your blank attitude irks The Clown. “You can compensate me by letting me crash here for the night.”

“I’m 100% sure my dad already compensated your efforts,” Y/N utters.

“Why was Sam here?” the earlier question is reprised in order to distract you.

“Are you jealous?” you nibble on your lasagna and J snarls:

“Why would I be jealous?”

“Then why do you have to know?”

“Professional interest,” the vague disclosure scores absolutely no credits with the feisty Y/N.

“That’s a huuuge load of baloney,” you shake your head and decide to unravel the mystery. “He picked up an item for his father. Don’t worry, you’re still my favorite,” you tease and The Joker protests.

“I’m not worried! I don’t even care! Can I sleep here?” he switches the topic and has to boast: “We can party all night long like we did last time!” J sassily reveals; he believes you’ll mock yet it’s not the case.

“You’re very late to this party…” your voice dies out and The King of Gotham is aware what you’re referring to. He digs his fork in the fresh salad, reassuring on a whim:

“Better late than never…”

 Also read: MASTERLIST

[haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles]

@kuroosarium asked:  Hey J! 😊 How are you doing? I hope you can relax now that your semester is over! I'm happy to see that your requests are open 😍 Could I request a scenario with Kuroo & Bokuto (separately) where they comfort/distract their girlfriend with a date (maybe getting hot chocolate at the Christmas market or just binge watching shows at home), because she's suffering from a mild burnout, because of how stressful university (college au) is? Is that okay? Thank you in advance & have a wonderful day!

haha! i am alive! and i loved writing this so much. Even though it took me a whole semester to complete it. I hope you don’t mind that I tweaked it from being Christmas-y themed (since it’s...ya know...June...oops). 

Also, I noticed you are on an indefinite hiatus from the blog you requested this from so I’m going to tag @kuroomantic and @mellearning so hopefully you will see this. (I also tagged you in the actual ask I answered...probably a bit overkill but oh well)

Hope this finds you well and makes you smile. 

- J

(also apparently line breaks no longer exist...yay. so now you get this singular tilde 😩)

~

Kuroo:

It was that time of year again. When the last couple weeks of the semester feel like they’re dragging on for years. It’s been over a month since any of your weekends weren’t spent studying. For exams that professors cruelly gave out during hell week, only to go straight into studying for finals. It’s absolutely brutal to endure, even Kuroo dialing back on the witty remarks that keep the two of you sane during stressful bouts of the semester in favor of silent study sessions.

You and Kuroo were regulars at the library, but in the weeks leading up to the end of the semester you feel like you practically live there. Camping out in a secluded corner for hours, being those people that others gawk at wondering just how the hell anyone can bear it for so long. Afterwards going back to your respective apartments each night and passing out, many nights being too exhausted to part ways and ending up falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Kuroo was lucky, having most of his exams scheduled at the beginning of exam week while you were stuck with exams scheduled at the end of the week. It tore at his heart to watch you continue to stress and study while he’s home free until next semester. He doesn’t try to get you to take a break though, knowing there’s a high possibility it will end up with his head getting bit off, so he lets you keep studying. He can wait to have his girlfriend back until the end of the week.

Though midway through the week, he stops by your apartment, just to check up since he hasn’t heard from you in a while; discovering you passed out on your couch, textbook fallen open on the floor. He rolled his eyes, placing the textbook on the coffee table, gathering you up in his arms—earning him a small grunt and one bleary eye peeking up at him.

Upon seeing it’s only him, your eye closes, and you snuggle a bit further into his arms, falling back asleep almost immediately. He chuckles a bit to himself, resorting to planning something for you once you finish. God knows the both of you need a bit of relaxation after the hellscape of the weeks ending the semester.

On the day of your last exam, he hears you before he sees you. The door to his apartment flinging open, the sound of you plopping your backpack in the entryway before your face appears in the doorway to the living room. He smiles at you, patting the spot beside him, which you all but melt into. Then you snuggle your body against his, tucking yourself beneath his arm and burying your face into his chest; a pleased sigh escaping you.

He rubs the bare skin of your arm comfortingly. “Finished?” Not even a response from you, just a slight nod that he only notices because your head is pressed to his chest. He fights the urge to chuckle at you, weighing the cost of a possible pinch to his side in reply.

“I don’t want to look at another textbook for a least two months,” you mutter, words muted against him.

Now he allows himself to laugh. “So, if I want you to do something all I have to do is threaten you with a textbook?”

He feels you grin next to him. “I’ll run for the hills—don’t test me.”

“Should I hide some around the house for some good jump scares?”

You shove him with your shoulder now. “Then you might get one chucked at your head.”

He laughs, putting his arms around you to pull you even closer. You oblige by lifting your legs and placing them over his own, so you’re practically sitting in his lap now, arms wrapped around his neck and playing absentmindedly with the dark tangles of his hair.

“Then it’s a good thing I have some textbook-free plans for tonight then.”

That earns him a groan and you lift your head to look at him with weary eyes. “Please tell me it involves no effort on my part. My brain is mush at the moment.”

He smiles softly at you, a rare expression saved solely for you. “Of course.” Then puts a hand to his chest feigning offense. “Who do you think I am?” You lift a brow at him questioningly, just what exactly does he have planned? It’s Kuroo, so it could be anything. And while you’re normally all in for his crazy schemes or fun outings, you’re wiped and don’t think you can get up from this couch even if you want to. But he knows you pretty well and you’re sure he knows you’re in no mood to actually do anything at the moment. He inclines his head to the TV. “How does a marathon of your favorite movies sound?”

A smile lifts to your lips before you bury your face once again in his chest, tightening your grip to squeeze him with a hug. “Sounds perfect,” you say, planting a kiss to his cheek. He beams and begins the process of extracting himself from the tangle of your limbs to put the first movie in the stack he procured earlier into the DVD player.

You sink back into the couch, tugging a blanket free to burrow into. Covering your face with the blanket you sigh, “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

He pops the movie in, then returns to you, pulling the blanket away to reveal your blushing face. He smirks. “You could start by sharing this blanket with me.” Your laughter fills the room and it sent his heart thundering against his ribcage; as long as he could keep you laughing, he would consider this night a success.

You make room for him, head resting on his shoulder as he stretches arm behind you on the back of the couch. He presses a kiss to the top of your head, then rests his cheek on it; subconsciously rubbing mindless circles with his fingers splayed across your opposite shoulder. You sigh deeply, your own fingers grasping lightly at his shirt; body relaxing almost melding with his.

“This is exactly what I needed,” you breathe. There is no better place to feel safe and warm than his embrace and it is definitely exactly where you want to be after a long and draining day. You don’t even mean the thoughtful plans he concocted—although you aren’t complaining—but what you really mean is that all you need is him. This comfort and rejuvenation you only find in his arms. He seems to understand, giving you a light squeeze in response.

“Me too,” he murmurs. It was true—in the flurry of stress and studying that consumed your lives the only interaction between the two of you revolved around school. Or consisted of both of you passing out from exhaustion, giving up the luxury of lazy kisses and quiet bids of goodnight, for the desperately needed solace of sleep.  

But this was perfect, and he’d go through weeks and weeks of the hell that was school for nights like this.

~

Bokuto:

When you get back to your shared apartment with Bokuto after your last final of the semester, you unsurprisingly find him waiting for you—a wide grin splitting his face in two. He’s been particularly antsy lately, making you grow suspicious that he has something up his sleeve, and you’ve been suspecting this week to finally reveal whatever he’s been hiding from you for a few weeks now.

But maybe you’re wrong, maybe he’s just excited that the break from school is here and that the two of you will be able to spend more time together now.

That thought is tossed to the wind when he gathers you up his arms before you even get the chance to slip your shoes off and squeezes you hard enough that your breath whooshes out of you. When he sets you down, you peer up at him with narrowed eyes. “Bo~,” you coo, attempting to hit that sing-song voice that tends to break him easier. “What’s up? You look like you’re about to explode.”

Instead of stiffening like he’s been caught red handed, he just throws his head back, hands on his hips and laughs towards the ceiling. “You’ll see!” His head snaps back to look at you as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. You can’t help but smirk at his display.

“What do you have up your sleeve, Bo? Come on, tell me.” You poke his side and sidle up beside him, strategically placing a hand around his bicep.

You hear him suck in a breath, your fist inclination that your tactics might have begun to work. Startling you, he shoves you away and says louder and more insistently, “You’ll see!” You lift a brow in question but retreat on your advances. He seems persistent on keeping whatever he’s got planned a secret. Fine—you’re willing to play along. He’s been able to keep it to himself for this long, which you admit you’re amazed by, and allow him to continue to do so—only so he’ll feel that much more triumphant when he’s finally able to let it out the secret.

Once he sees you disappear down the hallway, Bokuto takes a deep breath—you almost had him. Almost. He knows this last semester really wore you out, especially the last few weeks. Most weekdays you came home practically already asleep, and even when you’d have precious moments together, something as simple and mundane as just relaxing watching TV; you’d be asleep within a few moments.

He didn’t mind. You needed it—plus he would never complain about having you curl up beside him, head resting on his broad chest while yours lifted softly with each breath. In fact, it pained him to wake you up and force you to crawl into bed. Somedays he just lifted you in his arms and carried you there. The majority of the time being the latter.

Leading up to this day, Bokuto has had to resort to gushing to Kuroo and Akaashi at volleyball practice about the whole thing. Enough that they’re past smiling and being excited for him and have been pushed to the brink of entertaining the idea slitting his throat.

And now that they day is here, when he finally gets to put his plan into action, Bokuto is practically bursting at the seams to tell you. Especially since you’re already suspicious of something and attempted to weasel it out of him, knowing exactly how to break him. Setting a small hand on his arm, making it ever more obvious just how much bigger he is than you, using that soft sing-song voice that nearly did him in. Only his dramatic display of laughing and shrugging you off letting him escape from the snare you so easily set for him.

No—he is going to see this through to the end. Only for the joy of seeing your face when he reveals his plans for you. He beams at the thought.

After dinner, he attempts to nonchalantly ask you to go for a walk. It’s not uncommon for the two of you to take a leisurely stroll as the sun sets, but the way he’s shifting in his seat—doing his very best to be normal, makes you eye him suspiciously. He just maintains his uncontrollable grin, despite his best efforts to squash it as not to make you more suspicious than he can tell you already are.

You comply, taking his hand once you’re outside, and you can tell that if you were in an enclosed space, he’d be bouncing off the walls by now. You let him lead you, noticing he’s walking faster and (you don’t know how it’s even possible) but his smile, already at an incredible wattage, is widening with each step.

Up ahead, you squint and can barely make out a faint glow emerging from between some of the buildings. Unable to stop yourself, you crane your head to get a better look. Bokuto notices you trying to sneak a peek and purposefully steps in your line of sight, filling it with his beaming smile.

“No peeking.”

You just narrow your eyes but resolve to keeping your curiosity to yourself. Bokuto seems satisfies and continues on. After a few more blocks, you turn onto a street and your eyes widen at the sight before you.

In the park near your apartment that the two of you frequent, there are various tents set up and citizens milling about, all bathed in a warm glow from the lanterns littering the grass, hanging from above in the trees, and those resting in people’s hands. You gape at it all, while beside you, Bokuto is radiating pure joy.

“I saw a flyer for it on campus!!” He turns to you, grasping both of your hands in his—dwarfing them, that smile you love so much adorning his face. “Do you like it??”

Your lips tremble and without your permission, tears well up in your eyes. These past few weeks have been so unbelievably stressful, and for him to notice—for him to plan this, it was enough to bring joyous loving tears to your eyes.

Immediately, Bokuto frets. “What—what is it? Is it not okay? We can go, I just…”

You grip his hands to silence him. “No. I love it. Thank you, Bo.”

His smile returns and he gently places his hands on your cheeks to wipe away the tears now spilling over onto them.

Behind him, a familiar voice calls, “Oi! Bokuto!”

You peer around him to find your friends, Kuroo and Akaashi, both holding two lanterns each.

Bokuto beams yet again. “I invited them too!

You grin and wipe at your eyes once more, gingerly taking one of the lanterns from Akaashi’s hands. As you do so, he tells you, “Congrats on finishing the semester.”

You laugh softly. “Thanks. We all did it!” You survey the three of them, a peacefulness you didn’t know you were missing settling over your heart. It almost made you start crying again.

“Bo cut it a bit close,” Kuroo jests.

“Hey! What the heck!” Bokuto says, snatching his lantern aggressively from Kuroo.

You smirk. “All the more reason to celebrate.” He sticks his tongue out at you, but you just take his hand and follow the stream of people gathering at the center of the park; all of them carrying lanterns of their own.

You stand at the center, surrounded by your friends and the ethereal light of the lanterns, Bokuto’s warm hand in yours. Both of you look at the other before simultaneously lifting your lanterns into the sky and letting them join the plethora of ones already drifting into the night. With it, you feel all the stress and worry that accompanied these past weeks floating away with it, freeing you and letting you look forward to the days ahead. Days you would spend with Bokuto.

Turning to him, you find him gaping at you, marveling at how impossibly beautiful you look in the warm glow of the lanterns, a soft smile gracing your lips. He feels even more overjoyed that he surprised you with this. Even more so when you throw your arms around his neck and plant a kiss to his lips.

“Thank you,” you murmur against him.

That unbreakable smile splits his face in two, and instead of replying, he just squishes you against him and lets his lips find yours once more.

[thejosh1980]

Update #21 – 1 week at “The Ocean Shores Resort”

Update #21 – 1 week at “The Ocean Shores Resort”

A week ago we left quarantine in Adelaide!!!

It's been another week of mixed emotions, but I have to say, for the first time in months, they've been mostly on the positive side of things.

Last Tuesday, we left the hotel without too much hassle. They'd given us a basic breakfast the night before to have first thing and they called us down early; luckily we were ready and down the stairs we went. Before you know it, we were in the hotel reception taking our masks off!

Adelaide and South Australia are COVID free, so no masks, no problems.

The checkout was quick (the big bill comes in a few weeks!!), the staff were awesome and the police informative. They all understand that quarantine is not easy on anyone, and they were patient with our questions and worries. We had won the jackpot of quarantine hotels: Pullman Adelaide and the staff helped make our stay tolerable.

Jumped in a taxi (with masks on cause we really weren't sure yet how to behave in the outside world) and off to the airport. We had to leave the hotel by 07:30, because another bus of incoming “Covicts” were coming in that morning. Our flight was at 11:50 up to Brisbane, so it was yet another waiting game to check in and fly. But first... coffee! (we actually bought a coffee from a coffee shop! Amazing!! It's the small things...).

The flight was about about 2/3's full, no masks.

Landing in Brisbane we had to do a border check, show our papers, explain where we had been and all that. The check was there to stop anyone who may have COVID from coming in without quarantining. Each State has slightly different rules, and they do change from time to time, depending on hotspots and COVID numbers. Because the flight was from Adelaide and we left the hotel directly to the airport, we made sure we had no problems entering Brisbane (Queensland). We definitely didn't want any chance of another 14 day hotel stay!!!

Our original plan was to fly into the Gold Coast airport, which is only about 35 minutes from Mum, but there were no flights on our leaving day, so we had to fly into Brisbane (which is 2 hours from Mum's). My cousin picked us up (bloody legend!). We were hungry, and we went directly to Yatala pies. This was the moment I started to realize we were almost home. The taste of home! (Yatala Pies is a well known bakery south of Brisbane, a regular stop for many).

My cousin could drive us as far as the QLD/NSW border. Once there, we walked across the border and Dave picked us up on the other side. A little complicated, but sure enough, the plan worked.

The whole experience felt like something out of the movies. Not that it was all “Hollywood”. It was more like: I can't believe this is finally happening. I wasn't really in the moment. Yet.

As we were getting close to “The Ocean Shores Resort” (which is the name we have for my Mum's house) I still didn't feel calm...

Anyhow, we arrived, and if you've seen our IG or FB Story on the day, you'd know that when I knocked on the front door, we had actually surprised Mum (a little early), and she couldn't find the front door key to let us in!! So our reunion started off with a scream and eventually a laugh!!

Mum did cry, but we all expected her to cry more... ;) Honestly, I think we both had cried too much the past 2 months, it was no longer needed. It was all about joy and happiness.

After meeting and hugging Alex (some more tears) we entered the house to find Mum had a “welcome home” sign and our picture up on the walls (lots of me and Alex, can't go wrong with that!!).

It was surreal.

A quick house tour for Alex and we settled down. Lots of chatting and catching up to do, and a roast dinner!

We'd made it.

The next morning (Wednesday), a son's work is never done and I was up early to take Mum to school. She's part of the support unit inside the primary school, working with kids with Autism.

Even though her eyesight is deteriorating, Mum can still work. Driving a car; that's out of the question. Reading the “use by date” on a packet of chips is almost impossible. Keeping an eye on children in the playground, developing their social skills or helping them with their school work (considering the text is usually quite large and the pictures bold) Mum can still do really well.

I've learnt she has figured out ways to cope with her eyes. She has a great memory, so once she's told something, she can remember it really well (like recipes for cooking etc). She's still a keen bargain hunter when it comes to shopping. I enjoy learning that she's kept her life as close to “normal” as possible, making small changes to the bigger things to keep her independence.

But it's those small things that are hard to do alone, which is why I'm here...

After dropping Mum off, Alex and I spent the morning of our first full day in Brunswick Heads. This is the town I lived in from the mid 80's until late 90's. I went to primary school here, learned to surf here, and know the old names of the shops (the hair dressers is now a surf shop, the butcher's is a cafe, the ice cream shop is a real estate agent and the bank has recently closed). Lots of changes for me, lots of new things for Alex.

We also went down to the beach, the south wall of the Brunswick River, where the river meets the ocean. We watched some waves. Taking in the salt air (I don't think I ever realized how salty the air is here until now).

It was a relaxing day.

But I still wasn't quite “here” in my head and heart. Leaving Dresden back in July, only to be delayed for 7 weeks, then another 2 weeks in quarantine, was going to take sometime to overcome.

Time to pick up Mum from school... Home... Unpack a little, dinner, chatting and a little TV.

Thursday morning, it was time for another radio interview. To finish off the 3 part story with ABC North Coast Radio I did another live interview with Joanne Shoebridge. I'm always nervous doing these kinds of things, even though in the music world, I've had to do interviews, they were never quite as personal as this.

After we dropped Mum off at school Thursday morning, we drove up to the Cape Byron Lighthouse and luckily got a park up close to the top.

I wanted to introduce Alex to the area as much as I could, without overwhelming her. Brunswick Heads, Ocean Shores, Mullumbimby and Byron Bay all played a big part of my childhood, and I wanted her to at least know these villages a little bit as early as possible. We'd covered Brunswick Heads and Ocean Shores a little, so now it was time for Byron Bay.

Bring on the whale watching!!

Within minutes of leaving the car, we could see whales jumping out and swimming around the cape. It was a wonderful morning. I'm so glad Alex got to see them (in fact I can't remember the last time I saw whales so close to the shore). They migrate each year around September/October, so it was perfect timing.

It was a special day for Alex...

The sun was shining, the whales were in plain sight and the tourists were kind enough to stay away from Byron Bay. COVID does have its benefits. Fewer people in these tourist spots isn't always bad (although I am quite aware the economy is suffering. The borders are opening up next week and it'll be very busy then).

Back into Ocean Shores, picked up Mum from school. Home... Dinner.. Chatting... Some TV...

Friday was the first day we had to do “stuff” in regards to living here permanently, and that was banking. So after dropping mum off at work, we drove into Mullumbimby “The Biggest Little Town In Australia”. I went to high school here.

Basically Brunswick Heads and Mullumbimby are like Neustadt in Dresden. You can't walk down the street without seeing someone you know, stopping and chatting. It happened in Brunz the other day, I literally parked my car, and lo and behold an old high school friend came out of the video store to say hi... Or in Mullum, as we arrive at the bank I see an old friend who used to teach me rock n roll dancing (yeah, I can still cut a rug)... and even inside the bank, I said hi to a fella from my high school year, we hadn't seen each other since 1997.

It's a small world...

The banking took a bit longer than expected, after much back and forward we settled on our new bank accounts and how to arrange things going forward. While I've had an account here since I was very very young, I cancelled most of my stuff when I left in 2002, so now it was time to set up shop again, especially since I had my wife with me and we have a future to work towards...

We walked the street of Mullum, grabbed a coffee and we let the country hippy vibe soak in. Alex commented on how many folks don't wear shoes here and she can't believe how many new coffee shops there are for her to try (there's a lot more than when I was a kid).

Picked up Mum from school... School holidays for 2 weeks! Yippeee!!

Home... Dinner... Chatting... some TV...

Over the weekend we sorted out things around the house. Set up better internet Wifi around the house, the pool is in good condition after the winter sleep, cupboards got cleaned out and we unpacked and the car was washed (first time I've hand washed a car in over a decade!).

Sunday I watched Mark's live stream (from his front porch in upstate New York) and I felt inspired (he does that to me). So I am considering live streaming next week. I have a guitar and good internet, so why not? I just have to find time to practice ;) I'm thinking net Sunday evening here, which would be Sunday lunch time in Germany. If I don't get to it this Sunday, then maybe next Sunday... I'll keep you posted.

Overall the weather has been warm, often over 20 degrees. But the mornings are still quite chilly, with frosty dew on the golf course out back. It's not bad for coming out of winter...

Today, Monday, we went “up the coast”, to Tweed Heads.

First thing we tried to exchange my German license for a mandatory NSW (State) license, unfortunately I gotta wait for some back checks, no idea what I did 19 years ago in Melbourne, but they wanna check it out. So onwards to shopping...

Yes!!! We bought a coffee machine! Finally we can wake and with a press of a button get ourselves a cup of joe. It's the small things....

Helped mum with the grocery shopping. She knows her stuff. She knows where everything is in every shop, but sometimes she just needs me to reassure her what is actually written on the box or package!!!

So that's basically our first week...

We are settling in well. Alex and Mum get on like a house on fire. I often can't get a word in edgewise and I'm always outvoted!

I still miss Germany and I still miss Europe... (I always will). I miss a lot of the “past life”, but that's just cause Australia has moved on without me these past 18 years. Each day here I get a little closer to that homey feeling I used to have as a teenager (when I didn't know better).

In hindsight, the past 3 months wasn't too bad... We survived... But that's easy to say now...

When we were in the middle of it, it was really tough.

It was really hard packing up our lives into boxes. It was emotionally draining saying goodbye after goodbye to our wonderful friends. Playing my goodbye show was one of the musical highlights of my life, even if it was one of the saddest.

Then we were ready to leave...

As you all know, that didn't go according to plan.

That's when the really bad feelings crept in. You know it's one thing to know you gotta pack up and say goodbye to leave (you are prepared for that)... It's another when you're ready and the world says “nope, not yet”... and again and again that build up and let down was happening, and until the last 2 weeks in Germany, we had no idea why!

As some of you know, I'm not really good at spontaneity. I'm not good when the plan changes... It was tough... But...

When we took control of the situation and booked new flights, it helped a lot. We were back in control.

Quarantine was a difficult time, it got a little dark there. It brought with it, it's own set of challenges and a steep learning curve. I, for one, learnt a lot about pressure. I put too much pressure on myself. Since we arrived here, I have tried my best to relax more, in my own way at least. My to do lists are shorter...

Alex and I had already figured out how to survive the German lockdown, the packing up of our lives and clearing out the apartment. Then we had 2 months at her parents stuck in “limbo” and then 2 weeks stuck in a room together. Our marriage is really new, and we survived that without any damage to our relationship. Sure, we both have a few personal scars, but nothing a little love and tenderness wont fix. I'm proud of her, Alex has a lot of patience for me!

I'm really happy I am here to help Mum each day. Those small things will slowly become bigger things, but for now, it's great to be able to do “stuff” with her. That was always the plan, to be here in time, before things got really bad.

We've been posting often on our IG and FB stories, so I hope folks have seen the day to day happenings. I'm sure we'll continue with that, keeping you up to date visually.

I think I'll end these FB journals here, and switch over to Tumblr full time. The idea being that if you'd like to continue to read these long “new life” chronicles, I'll still post a link here when I do update there... Confused? Me too! ;)

Thanks everyone for your messages of support and love. We are very lucky, we have the best friends.... You guys rock! You're awesome! We love you.

Love

Josh and @dauntlesscoffee

[magicalmarauder]

Honesty

Pairing: Barry Allen x Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 6.2k+

Summary: Y/N has been dating Barry Allen for over a year now; however, recently you have noticed a change in his behavior. Sick of his lies and constant disappearing acts, you confront him. Will Barry tell you the truth about being the  Flash or will his desire to shield you from his secret life end up destroying your relationship before he has the chance to come clean? Angst/fluff! 

Sighing in frustration, you threw your phone to the floor and collapsed onto your bed, feeling the makings of a migraine beginning to form behind your eyes.

You had been trying to get in contact with your boyfriend of a year, Barry Allen, for over half an hour now and had finally decided to give up. Unfortunately, this had become a pattern in your relationship as of late: him forgetting about important events and you calling him relentlessly until he finally decided to show up hours later. Ironically enough, the event that had slipped his mind tonight was his way of making up for missing so many previous nights out. Great job, Barr, you thought bitterly, you really nailed it.

Groaning, you rolled over onto your back and stared up at the ceiling, contemplating what you should do. Should you go to his office to see if he had gotten caught up in work there or should you just count the night as a loss and wait to see what excuse he would come up with the next time you saw him? Honestly, it was quite impressive that he hadn’t run out of made up excuses yet. Having known him for quite some time and after dating him for over a year you could quite easily tell when he was lying and when he was telling the truth. Although you were unsure when his disappearances first began happening, you were now quite confident that his excuses were simply that, excuses. And to tell you the truth, you were becoming quite fed up with it. At the beginning, you had been patient and understanding, thinking that he would come to you and tell you what was going on with him when he was ready. However, that had been months ago now and you weren’t sure he was ever going to come clean to you. You still didn’t have the slightest clue as to what was going on. Of course, you knew that he had had a rough year what with getting struck by lightning and coming out of a coma, but that had been ages ago! If he was struggling with coming to terms with those events, wouldn’t you think he would have gone through this immediately following the incident? Not all this time later? No, it had to be something else, you just couldn’t quite put your finger on what.

Glancing at the clock, you decided that just because Barry decided not to show didn’t mean that you had to starve. So, gathering up what little energy you still retained, you stood up and gathered your things before making your way out into the city to hunt down some food.

After deciding back and forth for quite some time, you eventually settled on stopping by Jitters to get some coffee and a small snack. After all, you weren’t all that hungry, your mind instead preoccupied with a certain gangly, gorgeous man.

However, on your way towards Jitters your phone started ringing and Barry’s contact came up. For a brief moment, you contemplated letting the call go to voicemail. The small, angry voice in your head applauded that idea. He hadn’t answered any of your calls thus far, so why should you answer his?

You quickly scratched this thought though, deciding to be mature and handle this like an adult. Therefore, you pressed accept and placed the phone to your ear. “Hello?” You answered as calmly as possible.

“Y/N!” Barry’s sweet voice floated from the other end of the line. “I am so, so sorry about tonight. I had my phone off and just noticed all your messages. I’m stuck at work right now though, so I’m not going to be able to make it after all. I’m so sorry sweetheart, I was really looking forward to spending time with you tonight.”

Exhaling, you switched the phone to your other ear, not quite knowing what to say. You didn’t want to act like a brat, but at the same time, you were his girlfriend and you did not deserve to be treated this way. You could understand needing to cancel a few dates, but not every single one! And it wasn’t even like he canceled them! No, that would imply that he was respectful of your time! Rather, he would wait until an hour or so after the agreed upon meeting time to alert you that he would no longer be able to make it and that he was sorry.

“Can I come by your place later?” He asked hopefully, unaware of the inner turmoil that was raging inside of you. “I can pick up some dessert and we can watch a movie or something? Let me make it up to you. Please?”

You sighed in resignation, not really knowing what else to say or do at the moment. “Sure,” you muttered. “I’ll see you later tonight then. Good luck at work.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you soon, Y/N,” he replied quickly before hanging up.

You groaned, looking up at the sky briefly as if searching for life’s answers in the beautiful night sky. How had your relationship gotten to this point? It didn’t even feel like a relationship anymore. You hardly saw each other anymore and it felt like most of what came out of his mouth nowadays was a lie.

As you approached Jitters and looked into the crowded coffee shop, you saw something that completely stopped you in your tracks. Sitting at one of the first few tables and clearly notwhere he said he would be was your boyfriend and his long-time friend and previous crush, Iris West. It looked like they were in the middle of a pretty intense conversation, their focus solely on each other and completely unaware of anyone around them, including you gaping at them from the window.

Before they could notice you; however, you turned on your heel, making a beeline back to your apartment, fighting the tears that had begun to form in your eyes.

You tried not to jump to any conclusions, not wanting to be THAT girlfriend, but you couldn’t help yourself, especially knowing Barry and Iris’ history. I mean, how could you not be paranoid? He’s loved her since he was a kid for crying out loud! If Iris had suddenly decided to return those feelings that Barry had had for so long, how could you possibly compete with that?

Normally, you were very secure in your relationship and you would never doubt Barry and his loyalty, but there were too many factors that were stacking up for you to just ignore. First, your boyfriend had been avoiding you and missing out on so many dinners and events that you couldn’t even keep track of them all. Second, he had lied to you, repeatedly. And thirdly, he had lied to you about being at work when he was actually with the girl that he had been in love with for most of his life. You were a calm, rational person, but even you couldn’t deny that something was definitely up. Maybe he wasn’t cheating like you feared, but there was most definitely something going on and you intended to find out.

After arriving back at your apartment, changing into comfortable clothes, and settling yourself down on the couch to watch some Netflix, you decided that you would calmly broach the subject with your boyfriend when he arrived later that night and allow him the chance to explain himself before you began flinging accusations at him.

Proud of yourself for reaching this mature decision, you laid back on the couch, settling in for a marathon of your favorite TV show that you had been binging over the last several days.

***

You were awoken what felt like hours later to a soft hand caressing your face and a warm set of lips pressing softly against your hairline. Blinking slowly, the view of your handsome, yet still in the doghouse, boyfriend came into appearance.

He smiled sweetly at you. “Morning, sleepyhead,” he murmured, brushing hair away from your face. “I brought you a slice of your favorite dessert, as promised,” he informed, standing up as you tried to re-orient yourself to walk over to the kitchen and grab some forks.

Sitting up, you picked up your phone to check the time, noticing that it was three hours later than when you had fallen asleep. Clicking off the television, your eyes strayed back to Barry who was making his way over to you before handing you a small container and a fork.

“So, how was your day?” Barry questioned amicably, taking a bite out of his own piece of cake. You stared at him for a few seconds, not quite knowing how to respond. He was acting so normally as if he hadn’t just lied to you about his whereabouts after blowing you off for what felt like the hundredth time.

“It was fine,” you stated carefully. “How was work? Did you finish what you needed to get done?”

He paused briefly. So briefly that you wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t been so carefully looking for any indication that he might be lying to you. “Yeah,” he swallowed. “It was a pretty busy day, but I got everything that I needed to done so I can focus solely on spending time with my favorite girl.”

You simply stared at him, unimpressed before focusing your attention back on your slice of cake. You needed to come up with a game plan before addressing what you had seen. You didn’t want to come off as jealous and angry and spark a bigger argument than necessary. However, it didn’t look like you were going to have time to make that plan.

Noticing your silent behavior and the fact that you weren’t eating your favorite dessert, but instead stabbing it repeatedly with your fork, Barry hesitantly asked, “are you okay, Y/N?”

Sighing heavily, you dropped your fork into the container before setting it onto the coffee table. Barry, sensing that you were about to say something important, copied your actions, turning to face you with a slightly nervous look on his face.

Good, you thought bitterly. At least he had the decency to look worried.

“No,” you finally muttered, trying to keep your tone as calm and even as possible. “Everything’s not okay, Barry. Things haven’t been okay for a long time now.”

Biting your lip and looking quickly up at the ceiling, you tried to rein in your emotions so you wouldn’t start sobbing on the spot. You were partially successful as only a few lone tears quietly tricked down your face. “Do you not love me anymore, Barry?” You sniffled pathetically, finally looking back to your boyfriend and meeting his eyes, which had widened almost comically as he lunged forward, taking your hands in his own.

“Of course, I love you, Y/N! How can you even question that?” He demanded, genuinely looking shocked as to how you had arrived at that conclusion.

Removing your hands from his, you cried out. “Well, I don’t know, Barry, you tell me!” You demanded, becoming increasingly more agitated. “You’ve bailed on almost all of our dates over the last few months, you either don’t tell me why you can’t make it or you make up some lame excuse! I mean, I feel like I don’t even know what’s going on in your life anymore, Barry! I’ve asked you numerous times if everything was okay, and every time you reassure me that it’s fine, but I know you’re lying to me! We’ve been dating for over a year, for goodness sake Barry I know when you’re being untruthful or not! I’ve tried to be patient to reassure you that I love you and I support you and that I’m here for you! I keep waiting for you to come to me and open up to me, but you never do! I mean honestly, Barry, what am I supposed to think?”

Barry gaped at you, opening and closing his mouth several times, clearly not expecting this outburst from you. You were usually so calm and collected, but here you were practically yelling and waving your arms about in frustration.

Finally, Barry seemed to compose himself enough to muster a response. “I know things have been a little rough lately,” he stated, his voice quivering slightly. “And I appreciate your patience with this far more than you know, but I don’t everwant you to doubt my love for you, Y/N,” he pleaded. “You are my whole world and there is nothing or no one that even slightly compares to you. You completely turned my world upside down when I met you, Y/N, and from that moment on my heart has totally and completely belonged to you. Please don’t ever doubt that,” he declared earnestly.

Looking away, you stood up and began pacing the length of your living room. “That’s kind of hard to believe, Barr, when your actions in no way, shape, or form line up with what you just said,” you stated firmly, stopping at the other end of the room and turning your attention back to him sitting on the couch.

Barry stood up also and began taking a few steps in your direction, quickly stopping however when you pinned him in place with an intense glare. “And what about Iris?” You asked, no longer able to keep this little bit of knowledge to yourself.

“Iris?” Barry questioned, confusion flashing across his features. “What about her?”

“I know that you were with her tonight,” you murmured softly. “When you told me you couldn’t make our date because you had to work, I went by Jitters to get some coffee and some food for myself and I saw you and Iris in the middle of a pretty deep conversation.” You sighed, looking down and steeling yourself for the next few words that you were about to utter. “Do you still love her?” You asked, not really wanting to know the answer to that question but also desperately needing to know at the same time. “Have you been cheating on me with her?”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Barry exclaimed in shock and what looked to be a hint of anger. “How could you ever think that I would cheat on you?! I would never do that!”

“Just answer the question, Barry,” you whispered tiredly.

“No!” He shouted, panic slowly starting to set into his features as he seemed to finally be realizing how much trouble he was in and how truly you believed that he no longer loved you. “Not like that, Y/N. I told you, from the moment I met you, nothing else mattered. My heart belongs solely and completely to you, you have to believe me!” He begged, daring to take another step closer to your exhausted figure.

“Okay, then tell me what has been going on with you!” You demanded. “Why have you been missing dates? Why have you been lying to me? Why have you been hanging out with Iris when you tell me you’re at work?”

Pain crossed Barry’s features and your heart sunk, already knowing the words that were about to come out of his mouth. “I – I can’t do that, Y/N, I’m sorry. You just have to believe me.”

“Well, I’m finding it pretty hard to believe anything you’re saying to me right now,” you answered coldly.

Barry hung his head, at a loss as to what he could say right now that would possibly convince you to believe how much you meant to him.

“Can you please just leave, Barry?” You finally asked, exhaustion apparent in your voice. Not only were you physically tired, but this conversation had left you mentally and emotionally drained as well.  “I’ve had a really long day and I just want to go to sleep,” you stated, your eyes fixated on your feet.

“Yeah, sure,” Barry mumbled in defeat, grabbing his jacket before making his way toward the door. Pausing briefly, he said, “I do love you, Y/N. So much,” he breathed.  “If there’s anything you take away from this conversation, let it be that.” And then, just like that, he was gone.

Crumpling to the floor, you let out all of your tears of anger and frustration and heartbreak. How had you ended up here?

***

Breathing heavily, Barry ran as fast as he could, pushing his previous limits, needing to channel his anger and frustration into something before he exploded. And what better way to do that than focusing on the very thing that had caused this great rift in his relationship in the first place. In all honesty, he completely understood where you were coming from. If the situation had been reversed and you had been avoiding him, lying, and spending time with someone from your past he would have absolutely blown up on you as well. However, that just made everything all the more frustrating. He had no one to blame but himself. If he had just been honest with you from the very beginning, all of this could have been avoided. But now he was in far too deep and he didn’t know how to break the news to you or how you would even take it. You hadn’t exactly signed up to date a superhero who was constantly putting his life on the line.

Nevertheless, the main concern had always been your safety. He didn’t want to endanger your life by involving you in The Flash business. He wanted to keep you safe and well-protected. After all, that was his job as your boyfriend. He had to look after you and he thought he had been doing that by keeping you and his alter ego completely separate. However, now he was starting to see that perhaps by protecting you, he had ended up hurting you himself instead.

Letting out a scream of frustration, he turned off the treadmill, slowing back down to a normal speed only to be met with the sympathetic, yet curious faces of his friends Caitlin and Cisco.

“Everything alright in there, Barry?” Caitlin questioned, trying not to press him too hard for information but interested to know what had her friend screaming at the walls.

“No,” Barry grumbled, taking a seat on the treadmill and placing his head in his hands. “No, everything is not alright.”

“What happened?” Caitlin asked softly, coming to sit beside Barry and placing a hand on his shoulder, offering whatever support she could. Cisco followed her example and sat down on Barry’s other side, doing his best to appear kind and compassionate.

“Y/N and I got in a fight tonight,” Barry sighed, looking up at the ceiling in frustration. “She yelled at me about how I’ve been missing so many dates recently and how she knows I’ve been lying to her. She saw me talking to Iris tonight about the Reverse Flash and completely got the wrong idea. She thinks I don’t love her anymore,” Barry breathed, his voice breaking on that last sentence.

“Oh, Barry,” Caitlin sighed out in sympathy, squeezing his arm in comfort. “I’m sorry to hear about that. I know it’s hard keeping secrets, especially from those that you love.”

Barry nodded, not really knowing what else to say. He didn’t know how or even if he could fix this. He didn’t want to lose you, but he didn’t want to put you in danger either. He couldn’t live with himself if something happened to you.

Cisco cleared his throat nervously before speaking, “why don’t you just tell her Barry? You guys have been dating for so long, it’s not like you don’t know if you can trust her with your secret. You know that she’s trustworthy. It would make things so much easier in your relationship too. You won’t have to keep lying to her. All that does is hurt the both of you and honestly, dude, it’s not worth it. Look what it’s doing to you guys.”

“I can’t tell her, Cisco,” Barry stammered. “I just can’t.”

“Why?” Cisco demanded. “I mean, what’s holding you back man?”

Barry stood up, his frustration from earlier beginning to rise up once again. “I can’t risk her safety, Cisco!” Barry shouted, pacing around the large room. “If she knew my secret and she got too close to all this, she could get hurt! And I couldn’t live with myself if anything ever happened to her.”

Caitlin stood up and walked over to Barry and calmly said, “I understand that Barry. We don’t want anything to happen to Y/N either. But maybe you should at least consider it. If you want a relationship with her, you’re going to have to open up and be honest with her sooner rather than later. Y/N loves you dearly, but she’s not going to tolerate being lied to and stood up for forever. You need to decide quickly before you lose her completely and you alone are to blame,” Caitlin explained, offering a small, sympathetic smile before squeezing his arm and walking out of the room, Cisco quickly following, leaving Barry alone with his thoughts and with an important decision to make.

***

The following day, you awoke struggling to open your red, puffy eyes that had crusted over from all the crying you had done the previous night. You had no idea where your relationship now stood and honestly you weren’t sure if you wanted to know the answer. You loved Barry more than anything. He was the man of your dreams and this past year had been the absolute bestyear of your life, but you weren’t going to tolerate being treated this way. This was not how a relationship worked. Couples needed to be open and honest with one another. There couldn’t be any secrets.

Groaning, you threw your head back against the pillow, your mind once again wandering to your boyfriend and what it was that he could possibly be hiding. There was definitely something up with him. If he wasn’t having a secret affair with Iris, then you had no clue as to what it could be. But what could be so bad that he would risk ruining your relationship just to keep it hidden?

Quickly, you shook your head, dismissing any and all thoughts of your boyfriend for the time being. Thinking about this too much just gave you a migraine and honestly you didn’t want to deal with that on top of everything else that was already on your plate.

Sitting up, you stretched and made your way over to the bathroom, preparing yourself for the long day ahead.

***

Later that evening, Barry stood on top of the building across from your work office, telling himself that he was vigilantly looking after the well-being of Central City, when in reality he was vigilantly looking after the well-being ofyou. After your argument and his impromptu lecture from Cisco and Caitlin, he had decided to pass his time running around the city, helping when he came across someone in need, working on his speed, but mostly thinking about you and the predicament that he had landed himself in. Obviously, he had known that he couldn’t continue lying to you forever. He had been foolish from the start to think that you wouldn’t notice something was wrong. But deep down, he knew that he had simply been lying to himself all this time, thinking that he could have the best of both worlds: that he could have his secret superhero personality while at the same time maintaining a normal lifestyle with you safely at his side. Although he knew that that routine wouldn’t be able to continue forever, he still found himself unprepared once the moment of truth had arrived.

Letting out a long breath, he removed his mask from his face and ran his hands through his brown hair, causing it to stick up in all sorts of different directions. It had been a long day filled with a lot of running and too much thinking and even at the end of it, he was still unsure as to what he wanted to do. He had been going around and around in his head all day, trying to arrive at the best decision but he kept getting stopped by a major roadblock and that was, your safety. He had already lost his mom due to this Flash business. He hadn’t known it at the time, but he did now. And he couldn’t lose you too. He didn’t know if he could survive losing you. But Cisco had been right. If he wasn’t honest with you and if he didn’t do it soon, he would lose you in another sense of the word and he didn’t know if that was a much better alternative.

His inner monologue was abruptly ended; however, when you finally walked out of your office building, coat tugged tightly around you and heels clicking loudly along the pavement as you hurried down the street.

Pulling his mask back over his face, Barry began to follow you simply to ensure that you made it home safely, he tried to reason in his head despite the fact that he already knew the real reason he was stalking you like some creep. He missed you. It had only been a day, but he was craving you so desperately and completely he would take whatever small piece of your presence that he could get.

However, as he continued to follow you on your path home, he was stunned as a hand shot out of an alleyway, grabbed onto your shoulder, and pulled you out of his sight.

Without thinking, Barry shot down the side of the building, arriving in the alleyway only seconds later to find a man with a black ski mask pulled over his face and a knife to your throat. Noticing Barry’s presence, the man turned you around so that you were facing Barry as he continued to hold the knife against your neck.  

“Let her go,” Barry demanded viciously, using his powers to vibrate his vocal cords, thereby disguising his real voice.

“Not until the pretty lady here gives me whatever money she has in that designer handbag of hers,” the sleazy man whispered, his mouth brushing your ear, causing you to cringe in disgust and fear, eyes pleading with the man in red to save you, unknowing of the fact that it was your very own boyfriend standing in front of you.

“I’m not going to ask again,” Barry warned dangerously. “Let her go.”

The man smirked, unafraid of the hero standing before him. Either he was unaware of who The Flash was and what he was capable of or he was just incredibly stupid to so bravely stand before Barry without any fear.

Sensing that the man wasn’t going to relent any time soon, Barry sped forward, grabbing the hand that possessed the knife first, tossing it in a dark corner of the alley before grabbing his other arm, wrenching them both behind the assailant’s back painfully as he cried out.

“I suggest you get out of here,” Barry threatened lowly. “Next time, I will not be so forgiving. And believe me, if there is a next time, I will know about it, so I suggest finding a different nighttime activity,” Barry warned, before throwing the man down on the ground and watching as he scrambled up and quickly ran away as fast as he could, not daring to look back and see if Barry was watching him or not.

Quickly turning to face you, Barry’s expression softened, unsure of how to approach you, to ask if you were okay. He wanted to reach out and pull you into his arms, but obviously couldn’t do that as you were still unaware of the fact that the Flash was in fact Barry. Nevertheless, his arms yearned to reach out to you and reassure you and himself that you were safe.

“Are you alright?” He finally questioned quietly after staring at you for longer than was appropriate.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you murmured, staring at him, eyes blazing with curiosity, head cocked to the side. Barry stared at you in confusion. You had always been an inquisitive person, but when it came to The Flash and the uproar over his presence, you had never shown much interest, so he wasn’t entirely sure why you were staring at him with such intrigue now. Perhaps having a real-life encounter with The Flash now, had moved him up on your list of priorities.

“Can I take you home?” He questioned, wanting to make absolute certain that you made it home safe and sound without any further incident.

You paused slightly before nodding your head, granting permission to the masked mystery man to ensure your safety home. However, what you were not prepared for was for him to scoop you up in his arms and race you across town. Only a few heartbeats later, you were standing in the living room of your own apartment, gaping as you took in the scene of your familiar space and the man in red that so clearly stood out in the quaint, homey room.

“H-how did you know where I lived?” You spluttered, still in shock from the speed at which you had just traveled and at the fact that you were now standing in your own living room.

Realizing his mistake, Barry’s eyes widened, not sure how he was going to dig himself out of this. However, as his mind continued to race in an attempt to think up an excuse that would placate you, he didn’t notice the varying expressions that were flitting across your face at lightning speeds. Shock. Confusion. Wonder. And then finally understanding.

Following your fight with Barry, you had been distracted at work all day, unable to get the things you needed to done as your mind was too preoccupied on your boyfriend. All day, you had been thinking through the different changes and coincidences that had been happening since Barry was struck by lightning. His unexplained absences, the lying, the secrecy, etc. All day, you felt like you had been so close to figuring out what the huge secret in his life was, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on it. However, looking up now into the face of your flustered savior, who you now realized must have been watching you in order to get to you so quickly and who knew exactly where you lived, everything suddenly clicked into place. Barry Allen was The Flash. You were sure of it. It was the only thing that made sense.

Your mind began running at a million miles per hour, thinking back over the last few months. You had never paid especially close attention to The Flash, despite the entire city’s obsession with him, but you were somewhat aware of his daring rescues and terrifying showdowns with some of Central City’s most dangerous criminals. Looking back now, you were vaguely aware of Barry running off in the middle of a date and then hearing on the news hours later about how the Flash had defeated the newest threat to the city. Or how Barry would always seem frustrated and down on himself when there was something going on that he couldn’t control. At the time, you had let it go, attributing Barry’s attitude to his big heart and his desire to help others in need. But it hadn’t been that at all. Not really, anyways. He had personally found himself responsible for not being able to help because he was the masked hero that so many relied on. And as your mind continued to race, so many other mysteries all of a sudden made sense. Except for one.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You questioned quietly, your mind finally slowing down after the rapid succession of realizations that you had just had.

Barry paused, unsure of what to say. “What do you mean?” He asked, genuinely confused as to what you were talking about. He had been so captive to his own thoughts that he hadn’t noticed any of the evidence that your face had given away of the great epiphany you had just had.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were The Flash, Barry?” You clarified, hurt and exasperation in your tone.

Barry’s eyes widened in shock. “W-w-what are you talking about, ma’am?” He stuttered out. “I don’t know any Barry.”

“Oh, save it Bartholomew Henry Allen,” you retorted, anger creeping into your voice. “Don’t insult me.”

Barry stared at you, holding your gaze for a few moments before sighing in resignation and slowly removing his mask, revealing his face to you. “How did you figure it out?” He asked softly, hanging his head down in shame.

“I think the more important question is why didn’t you tell me,” you stated harshly, your voice rising in anger. “Did you not trust me?” You questioned, pacing around the room, occasionally throwing glares at the sheepish man standing in front of you. “You saw what this secret was doing to our relationship, Barry! For goodness sake, I thought you were cheating on me with Iris!” You cried, tears of anger and frustration slipping down your face. “I mean, were you ever going to tell me? Or did you not even care and you figured you’d just get rid of me that way?”

“No, no, no!” Barry shouted, rushing toward you and grabbing onto your arms firmly. Stubbornly, you shook him off and took a few quick steps back, not wanting him to touch you when you were so upset and confused. A hurt expression crossed his face, but he continued with what he had begun to say nonetheless. “You have to believe me, Y/N,” he pleaded, eyes boring into yours, desperately yearning to wrap you in his arms and reassure you, but not wanting to push any boundaries. “I wanted to tell you so bad. You have no idea. I hated lying to you. I felt sick with myself every time I had to make up some excuse, especially after last night! Never ever did I imagine that you would think I was capable of cheating on you! That absolutely broke my heart to hear those words come out of your mouth and it was then that I truly realized how much damage I was doing by lying to you. I thought I was protecting you, but in the end I ended up being the one to hurt you,” he stated, tears of his own streaming down his face as he tentatively took one step closer to you. “It was never about whether I trusted you or not. I always knew without a shadow of doubt that I could trust you wholeheartedly. I just didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t want to invite you into the insane, dangerous world that I’m involved in. I thought that by keeping you in the dark that I would be protecting you,” he finally finished, his head hanging down in shame.

You simply stood there, staring at him, not knowing what to say as you took in all this information. There were so many thoughts racing through your mind that you didn’t even know where to begin. But seeing your boyfriend standing before you, crying and pleading with you to understand, softened your anger. Now that all the facts were laid out, you truly did understand. If the situation had been reversed, you couldn’t say exactly what you would or wouldn’t have done, but you did know that you would have done whatever you could to protect him from harm, just as he had done with you. Maybe he hadn’t gone about it the right way, but his intentions had been good.

Smiling slightly at your stupid boyfriend, you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around his waist, burying your face into the leather of his Flash suit. Hesitantly, he returned the gesture and wrapped his arms around you tightly, pulling you even closer to himself.

“I understand why you did it,” you whispered, your face tucked securely into his shoulder. “I’m not saying I agree with it, but I understand why you did it.”

Barry let out a breath and held you as close to him as humanly possible, practically crushing you against his chest. A sob tore through his throat and you stroked the back of his neck reassuringly, wanting to assure him that you were there and that you weren’t going anywhere. “Thank you,” he blubbered, his face buried in your hair, inhaling your sweet scent.

Pulling away slightly, you stepped onto your tiptoes and pressed a sweet kiss to Barry’s mouth, letting your actions express all the feeling and emotions that you couldn’t quite put into words at the moment. “I love you, Barry Allen,” you whispered against his lips. “Secret superhero identity and all.”

Barry let out a breathless chuckle, pressing another quick kiss to your mouth before replying. “I love you too, Y/F/N Y/L/N, more than you know.”

“C’mon,” you smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the couch where you had had a massive argument barely twenty-four hours earlier. “Let’s sit and you can tell me all about being The Flash. I have so many questions and I expect you to answer them all!”

Barry chuckled, sitting down on the couch and pulling you into his arms. “Ok, well it all began …”

[eldritchsurveys]

752.

Does your best friend bother you more than anyone else? >> --- Who is your best friend? >> --- Do you like someone right now? >> No. Do you even think you stand a chance with this person? >> --- Do you consider yourself truly happy? >> I don’t think of “happiness” as a constant state of being. It’s an emotion like any other -- you feel happy for a period of time, and then you return to baseline or you have a different emotion. So, yeah, sometimes I am happy. A lot of the time I’m something else (or nothing). Feeling one emotion all the time at the expense of others would be awful no matter what the emotion is.

How often do you cry? >> Relatively often, lately. It’s like once you decide to stop berating yourself for having feelings, you start just having them randomly and shit. I teared up watching a youtube video yesterday and it took me a couple of minutes to figure out that it was probably the effect of the music used in the video (he used a lot of that kind of “dramatic emotional moment” music that they use in movies to cue to your brain that you’re supposed to have An Emotion right now). Are you emotional? >> I mean, yes, I experience emotions... What is the worst thing you would do for 10 million dollars? >> No. Have you ever had/do you have an eating disorder? >> No. Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? >> Yep. What do you think of people that do? >> I don’t have an opinion about other self-injurers? We all just tryna survive. What’s your opinion on drugs? Have you ever done any? >> I don’t have an opinion on drugs. Like, in general, I don’t have sweeping opinions on any broad subject like this! It doesn’t make sense to me and I am constantly frustrated at being asked what I think about a general concept as if my thoughts shouldn’t be based on contextual information and a basic understanding of nuance. Anyway. Yes, I’ve done drugs. Have you ever noticed the hidden adult jokes inside of kid shows/movies? >> Sure. Do you want to be famous? Why? >> Not at all. Because included amongst my highest values are my privacy and my ability to live my life on my own terms as much as possible. Also, it just flat-out doesn’t seem like a healthy way to live.

Do you sin often? >> Dude. What are your views on God? >> I don’t have any sweeping views on the concept of divinity. My opinion about the Abrahamic God specifically varies based upon what we’re talking about -- what holy text, what cultural interpretation, what sort of human-divine relationship, etc. What do you think happens after you die? >> My working interpretation is that the specific network that I think of as my consciousness will dissipate and that energy will rejoin the general concept of “consciousness”, from which every specific instance of consciousness arises. So to speak. Also, my body will decay (provided I’m not chemically processed and shut up in a metal box), worms will eat me, etc etc. Are you afraid to die? >> Yeah. But my feelings about death are more aptly described as, like, “holy dread”, or the kind of fear that is part-and-parcel with a strong feeling of awe and wonder. If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? >> Fuck no, dude. Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough? >> Yep. Do you have any siblings? If so, are you jealous of them? >> --- Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Why or why not? >> I don’t have any relationship with them. Because one abandoned me at birth and the other one flat-out doesn’t like who I am as a person.

Are you always wanting more? >> Sure. Hunger is one of my defining concepts. Do you make good first impressions? >> I don’t think I do, no, because I’m not interested in following certain social conventions that people expect me to. That’s not to say I’m rude, but when you refuse to shake hands, you don’t stare in people’s eyeballs, and you don’t smile at literally everything, people get tetchy. Do you feel bad for obese people, or do you just laugh? I am so unimpressed with this question. <-- like.... what the actual fuck. What would you do if you were obese? >> What do you mean, what would I do? Am I supposed to be doing something specific just because I’m fat? Like, you know, hate myself for existing in a way that isn’t acceptable to the society I live in? Bloody hell. Are you ashamed of your past? >> No. Do you miss your past? >> “My past” isn’t a real thing, it’s a story that my brain tells itself. There’s nothing to miss. Do you have a song lyric that describes where you are in life right now? >> If I did, there’s no way I’d be able to think of it right now. Who are you closest to in your family? >> --- Do you ever open up to people? >> Ever? Maybe. It’s always a possibility, if not a probability. Do you consider yourself guarded? Why or why not? >> Absolutely. Because I’m post-traumatic, that’s why. Are you an honest person? >> Sure. Do you like animals? >> I mean, I don’t actively hate animals or anything. I don’t have any specific feelings about the existence of other creatures on the planet.

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? >> I wouldn’t know. I think that’s an opinion people assert when they are following an anti-meds agenda, but it’s not necessarily grounded in provable fact. Are you a control freak? >> I have tendencies. Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you’re losing all control? >> No. I enjoy the buzz from a certain amount of alcohol, but anything beyond that is uninteresting and often annoying. I don’t feel like I’m losing control, exactly, I just feel logy and tired and irritable. Also, headaches. What do you think happens when you go into a coma? >> I assume it varies. Do you think the internet is dangerous? >> The potential for danger is always present when interacting with other people in any context, including digital.

Name all the social networking sites you use: >> Tumblr and Facebook are the only ones I use. Do you think anyone truly knows who you really are? >> “Who I really am” isn’t a concept that I find useful. People learn different things about me, are exposed to different personality traits and idiosyncrasies at different times, and filter all that knowledge through their own perceptions and biases and understandings. There is a different version of me for every person that perceives me, including myself, and all those versions are part of the intersocial network that forms the concept of “me”. (I’m sure if I lived completely alone in the middle of nowhere and had no contact with any other humans, my concept of myself would grow into something completely different -- it might grow even more fluid and less anthropomorphic, because the concept of the self is reinforced by our interactions with others.) Have you ever given anyone the chance to really get to know you? >> Sigh. Do you block people out of your life when they start to get too close? >> I don’t know, people getting close isn’t a situation I’m too familiar with these days. Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? I think both experience a lot of pressure in very different ways. It’s not a contest. <-- Do you care what impression you make on people? >> Sometimes, depending on the person. Most of the time I understand that a lot of it is out of my control, unless I’m willing to do some things I really don’t want to do. Do you think TV is too much of an influence on today’s youth? >> I think That’s Complicated(tm). What do you think people would do if all the computers crashed? >> Like, if all computers stopped working at the same time? How... would that even happen, is my question. Unless something happened to the grid in general, or something. Any wide-scale breakdown of digital infrastructure would have immediate negative repercussions in this part of the world, though, I can wager that much. Honestly, do you say racist things? >> I can’t think of anything racist I’ve said in recent memory. Aside from your general “white people” jokes, I guess. I try to keep those to a minimum, though, because most of the time it’s just... unnecessary. Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? >> --- Has anyone you loved ever died? >> Sure. Do you think people overreact when their pets die? >> I don’t think people overreact at all. I think it’s the appropriate reaction, to be upset and to grieve. I think my disconnection to pets is stranger than normal people’s connection to them, which is why I’m always self-conscious about my detachment. People don’t like it when you don’t have feelings. Do you know who you are, or what you want to become? >> *gestures in frustration at my earlier ramble about selfhood* Do you have your future mapped out? Or are you just taking it day by day? >> I find the concept of planning out one’s future to be a little silly, although I understand it’s a perfectly reasonable and healthy thing for a human to do. It just... doesn’t work for me. The only stretch of time I can be confident of is the present, and even that’s questionable sometimes. What are you going to do now? >> I think I might go out for a short walk now, the temperature’s at a good place. I wish I could go somewhere specific -- a park would be incredible right now -- but I can’t be getting on public transportation for non-essential purposes. And I can’t go to the convenience store... Guess I’ll just... walk down the sidewalk and then back *shrug* (This would be a great time to have a dog to walk.)

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Waver 1 - 13 (FINAL) | Prisma Illya 1 - 10 (FINAL) | Prisma Illya 2wei! 1 - 3

Another (and to be honest, the last) batch of impressions from the Fate/ project.

Waver 1

Well, this’ll be interesting. I’ve been hyping this show up for a while for myself, so let’s see how it goes.

Geez, this intro is like a dang movie! I’d love to see a proper Troyca movie! (<-Says the fan of Troyca.)

Wait, if it’s Kayneth Archibald, then is Archibald relatd to Archisorte? Or am I just making thing up here…? Also note Reines refers to Kayneth as “Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald”, possibly meaning Archibald is the middle name, since El-Melloi is a shared surname (or is that a title…?). That probably means Archibald =/= Archisorte and both are similar-sounding middle names. The fact Reines is Kayneth’s niece also explains things quite a bit.

Why is Waver upside down…? Won’t the blood rush to his head soon? (Sure, it allows me to ogle his hair more, but…logic rules more than my stupid whims, y’know?)

Interesting. You can see that although Waver grew out his hair, there’s two layers to it – the longer one in the front and the shorter one in the back. (I’m just curious because I like the hime cut – which is pretty similar - and long hair on dudes in general, in part because both are fairly rare.)

Okay, that explained my gripe with upside-down Waver. Thanks, Reines. (<-genuine)

Aw, Waver buddy, even at this stage, you’re plenty cute. Don’t ever change! (<- As you can see, I am an easily pleased person in most cases.)

Melvin who now???

Troyca’s comic animation rules! It’s too bad Idolish7 Second Beat is using chibis instead of this…

Professor Kayneth. I forgot he had a formal title. I wonder, does Waver - I mean, El-Melloi II – have that title as well?

I guess I should’ve known Saber had the capability to look scary, but…I never knew Saber could look so scary…

*cut to eyecatch* - *points at eyecatch* Okay, someone tried to save budget here, didn’t they???

Aw, friendship between fiction boys is cute…until it involves the puking up on blood on one end.

Waver is the OG underdog here…don’tcha think?

“…with several demands.” – Uh-oh…this is gonna be bad, isn’t it?

You need a Tuner for Magic Crests? (…Like a tuning fork, but a person?) *brow raised in suspicion*

…is it appropriate for me to say “Oh, good lord!” now? (Okay, I did that rather deliberately, but normally in these notes I’d self-censor it to be “oh, goodness” or something like that.)

Seriously, the black-haired dude in the Ionian Hetairoi is my favourite, even if only because he looks like Waver (and he’s really easy to spot, to boot).

Why is this in first person??? I’ve dropped entire shows based on their usage of 1st person cam! Room Mate and Makura no Danshi basically scarred me for life on that front…and both of those are TV shorts!

Hey, wait a second. This “use a quote on the titlecard” thing is clearly an Ei Aoki sort of thing to do. I mean, it’s in ID: Invaded as well…

Waver 2

*new blonde girl appears* - So this is the rumoured Animusphere girl (Mary), huh?

Bounded field, huh? I’m glad I chose to watch F/Z before this, then. Now I actually understand the (rough) mechanics of how that works.

There’s assassins and then there’s Assassins…*thinks about the Holy Grail War*

As it turns out, astromancy is basically astrology.

The one thing that bugs me about “Modern Magecraft” (there’s a similar concept of New Magic in Mairimashita! Iruma-kun) is…how is the magic “modern”…? Especially in a work like this, where the magic is based in arcane rituals and bloodlines…you really need to establish how the “modern” bit works.

Gray is facing away from the Animusphere girl (Mary), I noticed.

“When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” – Sherlock Holmes – Basically, the fact I’ve memorised this quote is one of the lingering impacts of my time in the Detective Conan fandom, as it can be used on things like quizzes, not just mysteries.

Can we please use proper English, Waver??? (Says me to a character whose name I still find nonsensical enough to not be proper English.) As I said previously, “whydunit” is modus operandi or motive…the new bit is “howdunit”, which would be the method.

I do believe the geocentric model was overthrown by people like Kepler.

Gray kind of looks like Saber with that hairstyle, come to think of it.

With the way Gray hides herself under that hood, it’s no mystery as to why guys love her…at least, I know ThatRandomEditor does. Of course, I’m heavily neutral on the whole affair because I don’t swing that way, but…you know…

LEMPC seems to stand for “Lord El-Melloi Production Committee”, if I’m guessing right.

I seem to remember there was a quote somewhere that said the only constant in this world was change…hmm.

Waver 3

They seem to keep calling Japan “the Far East” (or at least, Japan is part of the Far East). That’s a pretty antiquated term for a supposedly “modern” magic anime. I get vaguely peeved by the term “the Far East” because it causes people to take an oriental viewpoint on things and thus it’s kind of like people from the Anglosphere looking down on Asians. (I also get vaguely peeved by the term “Westerners” for much the same reason and “Caucasians” because it implies all people of the Anglosphere come from the Caucasus, which is false…then again, these niggles are specific to international studies, so I have a vested interest in explaining them.)

…Wow, that star-eyepatch girl is…really something, to be thirsty specifically for Waver’s Iron Claw. (Then again, with my weird tastes in things, who am I to critique her?)

Flitz von Erich. I was surprised to learn this guy actually exists…on Wikipedia, at the very least.

“Any lady should know about wrestling.” – I disagree, Luvia.

Blue furry electrical creature…I dunno how the zoology in this show works, but the fantasy series I’m reading as of the time I was typing this comment has a blue creature called a Raiju (literally “thunder beast” in Japanese, so it would suit the “Thunder” in the episode title). If it’s anything like that, I’d laugh myself silly.

This girl on the poster seems to be called Flan Noir (or something similar).

“…yellow, round, fluffy-smelling…” – What? Svin, you have no right to call a girl those words!

When is this series set if people don’t have phones as a standard? *Googles* Okay, if F/SN is set in 2004, then F/Z is 1994. That would make sense, actually. The internet as we know it was first used in 1995 and didn’t become widespread for home use until a few years later, as I remember having computers in 2004 (albeit the blocky ones with the dial-up).

I was looking at images for the source material and I think I know why I like Waver (aside from the fact he has long hair). Normally I like the boys whose appearances are hard to get right, such as En…Waver in the novels and manga for this series sometimes looks grumpy, sometimes he looks constipated and worst of all, sometimes he looks like Snape with a hook nose.

Okay, so I googled Caules to figure out who his sister was…and I got Apocrypha spoilers. See, his sister is Fiore, who is apparently in that series.

The videos got encoded funny again…

There seems to be a mystery around why Svin and Gray can’t be together…well, one deeper than just “Svin is gaga for Gray [for reasons we don’t know at this point in time]”.

Ha, the El-Melloi Class is basically just the Misfit Class from Mairimashita! Iruma-kun.

“Only the flesh was bitten off.”  

This Jupiter gibberish, I assume, is drawing upon the mythology of Jupiter – that is, Zeus – as the god of thunder and king of the gods (thus presiding over living beings).

The English is good on the bill, bar a space between “Mystics of magecraft”.

Norwich is apparently a “faculty” which the Modern Magecraft Theories guys – i.e. Waver – rule over.

Can you imagine Waver swearing? Since I had the volume off, I basically made him say “…if Sir Gueldoa had resorted to brute force, we would’ve been f***ed” in my head…and that was hilarious.

Aw, thanks 7Mononoke. “A cowardly thief sneaks away in the night. If you stride away, bursting with song, you are a conquering king.” That’s a quote from Rider himself.

So the Association has set positions for Masters in the War? Geesh…that must be hard on Waver to find out they’re closed, considering how much Waver pines for Rider.

Waver 4

I finally got the chance to listen to the ED last ep and now it’s the OP I can hear properly. This OP isn’t particularly impressive, considering it’s an instrumental (instrumentals always seem to have less impact for me unless I’m looking for something to chill to), but it does capture the London-esque spirit of the setting very well.

What’s up with this metal (?) maid off to the side, anyway?

“Good thinking to leave the door open…” – For some reason, even though it’s a completely different and much more benign context, this made me think of KyoAni and my heart sunk.  

Atrum Galliasta…I hate that man. He may look hot, but he was nothing but a b*stard to Medea.

Bolo ties…nrgh…Basically, ever since Arima wore a bolo tie, I’ve become fairly bugged by them. That’s why Bram’s bugs me.

Aw, Waver, buddy, plase don’t sacrifice yourself again. I read on the wiki you become a Servant’s vessel (specifically for Zhu Ge Liang), so keep your hopes up.

I’m seriously feeling ID: Invaded vibes from this episode, what with the lightning.

I suspect a locked room murder is going to happen soon, knowing the genre. Either that or some other crime.

Considering Fate/ was an eroge-based thing initially, these sex jokes…there’s probably plenty of them out there.

Well, it seems this series only makes sense in that non-Detective Conan way, i.e. you want to know how it all comes together and can’t necessarily figure it out for yourself until you know how the magic works. I’m randomly going to guess this is more Jupiter-based stuff and call it a day on that front.

Seriously, I never got what was up with nightgowns (or just pyjamas in general) having hats. You don’t need protection for your head at night…that’s what pillows are for, yeah? (The only reason I see a hat-like thing working with nightwear is a onesie and that’s meant to be part of the inherent appeal of the thing.)

Waver 5

I feel like Adashino is meant to be an Irene Adler-type figure…

“Peaceful Fairys” (sic)

Where did Kairi’s scar come from…?

The Black Dog was in Mahoutsukai no Yome as well, but this one looks a lot less inviting, huh?

It seems, like the name Rail Zeppelin implies (as “Demon Eyes Collection Train”), most of the people involved in this case have Magic Eyes (or whatever they’re actually called). I wouldn’t be surprised if Kairi had them as well, considering he’s wearing dark glasses in the middle of a thunderstorm.

“King Arthur is a dude, right?” - *laughs madly* They finally managed to parody their own bulls***! (Well, I’m not counting Carnival Phantasm or whatever else because this is the first time they threw a meta joke in there in the whole of this project, as far as I can remember.)  

Trimmau seems to be the maid’s name…huh. They never mentioned that earlier, I don’t think.

So what’s the difference between Fairy Eyes and Mystic Eyes?

Wait, does that even work…? The entire house is the murder weapon? That’s basically breaking the “secret passageway” thing on a larger scale.

So what’s Trevor’s motive…?

The dogs running towards the Workshop reminded me of the Hunger Games for some reason…must be the climax.

That fairy isn’t emoting much…

Oh cra-Wills is going to sacrifice himself, like Adashino was going to do! That’s the second time I’ve seen that in 2 days (the first was in the Hypnosis Mic manga about the Dirty Dawg).

Uh…Waver’s not particularly fit or fast, is he…?

Can you be paid for your case if your client is essentially dead…?

Adra? I read around and Adra seems to be a way to spell the location (or whatever it is) in the first case…which got adapted into a stage play, but not an anime. That’s probably what he’s (Waver) referring to.

Notably, the title is translated to “lance” but yari means spear…

Waver 6

I seriously wanna slap that pink-haired girl…Update: Her name is Yvette.

This is basically Gray fanservice…

If Gray = Saber and Saber =King Arthur…hmm…does it count as a girl’s party?

Homeland? Since Britain is Saber’s (aka Gray’s) home country, I think they meant “hometown”…I’d hav to listen to the Japanese to make sure, though.

I still think Waver is a stupid, or at the very least false, name for a boy, especially if he did come from Britain. That’s basically my one limitation on him as a husbando.

The red bit of the eyecatch was shapd like an eye…it did catch eyes in a sense, after all.

So Trimmau is sustained by magic.

Locked-room…or rather, bounded field…mystery time!

Luvia did mention wrestling in another episode…

I had to google that, but the Separation Castle is from the Adra case mentioned in episode 5. No wonder I don’t remember it…

“Are you suggesting there were faults…” (from Luvia) - Ooh, I was thinking the perpetrator was caught inside their own bounded field or maybe it was an outsider, but that works too, Reines.

Add calld Luvia out for her extravagance, LOL.

Catch-as-catch-can appears to be “no-holds-barred fighting”, particularly wrestling.

That case was both informative and possibly solveable by the audience. Both good qualities for a mystery.

If you summon the spirit again, is it the same Rider with the same memories? Or can you summon a different version of the same Rider with amnesia, much like Rin did with Archer? Update: Oh yeah, I did read this on the wiki at one point but then forgot about it. The next episode (7) confirms that Rider wouldn’t remember Waver if he were summoned again.

Waver 7

…C’mon, admit it, show. The glasses are not only there for plot reasons but to up Waver’s status as megane boy for the rest of this case. Not that I mind – I actually really like megane boys, but I’m nowhere near the love of Meganebu – but in the case of plausibility, I wanna poke holes into it.

Auction for which Mystic Eyes now…?

There’s a guy…with an elephant head…I know I shouldn’t be bugged by it, but I need the MST3K mantra right now.

This is gonna be a Murder on the Orient Express thing, isn’t it? All cases set on trains seem to take cues or make homage to it. (I may not be that proficient on Christie in comparison to Holmes, since Holmes was Conan’s inspiration, but Murder on the Orient Express I have read and I did secure an anthology of 4 Christie novels at one point specifically so that I could improve in this area.)

The main series never explained the bad blood between the Church and the Tower, did they…?

*sweatdrop* Let me guess…when Yvette mentions “multiplay”, she means a threesome, right?

How do anime people see out of those blindfold thing, anyway??? (Or is it that Leandra has Mystic Eyes that were sold off or otherwise tampered with?)

I believe the word is “palate”, Kairi (or subbers).

Anime characters being bagworms with their blankets is always appealing, no matter the gender. It’s funny and/or relatable, after all.

Does Gray get motion sickness…? Update: Seems I spoke about a minute too soon. She does.

Waver 8

How does Waver know that Adashino got the documents about the train? Is it because she was in all those places at all those times and he connected the dots?

This lady has heterochromia. Specifically, one is brown and the other is blue or green.

Hmm? I thought the character design was familiar for this. As it turns out, Jun Nakai (who did the character design for this) also did Gate’s, which explains it.

Dionysus is the Greek god of wine, IIRC. Hephaestion is, as (s)he explained, the confidante of Alexander the Great (had to google this one).

It’s hard to see before the brightly-lit scene where Olga reappears, but as shown, Waver seems to have cut off part of his forelocks on the left side.

What’s an Odo???...ooh, fanservice…*ogles*

The summoning of Hephaestion and Trisha’s murder may or may not be related…we just don’t know how, yet.

I think a Detective Conan Murder on the Orient Express-style mystery would be a good video ga-*googles* There’s at least one of them out there already (albeit only in Japan)...namely, this one. Spoke too soon.

Oh yeah…this is Olga’s new room, isn’t it? I almost forgot about that.

Update: I think this look at the Adra Separation Castle case is interesting. It’s similar to posts I would write, but done by a professional – namely Richard Eisenbeis of Kotaku and Anime News Network.

Waver 9

So if there’s a Servant…you have to find the Master.

Olga reminds me of Reines…kind of.

LOL, whoever thought of a zombie cooking show…?

This series really goes all-in on the zombies and the fake-outs thereof, huh? Dangit, Melvin, don’t scare us.

Melvin has a really odd relationship with Waver, huh? If you’re really insisting you’re “the only person to ever be able to hurt Waver”, I don’t quite see how you guys can be friends in the normal sense of the word.

Why would someone have a violin at a time like this…?

Interestingly, they don’t bother to do any fanservice of Caules. That scene with Gray and Yvette was fanservice for those who like them, but the only guy who’s getting to do any fanservice in this series is Waver himself…(what with him being naked and knocked out right now.)

“Sibyl” seems to be a synonym for “virgin”…(*whispers “Awkward…”*)

Update: After reading some of Marth’s posts on this series, I’m inclined to call this “Murders on a Train (with an Exploding Helicopter for Good Measure)”.

Waver 10

For some reason, there’s episode 0 – 9, then 11 – 13 on the service I’m using. Where’s 10?

I think Waver’s relationship with Rider is interesting because of the way I think of relationships myself. Waver has made it clear that he wants to see Rider again so he can basically prostrate at his feet all over again (and maybe win a wish and/or see Oceanus while they’re at it), but – hey, hear this! - I used to believe, when I was still an impressionable kid, all relationships, whether they be between friends, family or even lovers, lasted roughly in the same state basically forever (as in, friends stay friends forever, they’ll never be so far apart that they can’t kep their relationship alive etc. etc.)…Obviously, I was wrong and arguably, this change in thinking, plus the related changes in technology, are where my ability to fleetingly but passionate love both 2D boys and the series they come from comes from.

Wait, so the Child of Einasshe (sp?) is the forest, yeah? I don’t think I got that 100% straight.

I never thought the shield form of a Mystic Code could be used for snowboarding down a mountain/hill…whatever Gray just went down. I didn’t even know Add had a shield form, for that matter.

“[U]sual individual” – LOL. What a way to refer to Waver.

“Wait a minute!” – I’m just imagining Phoenix Wright all of a sudden. A Waver legal mystery series would be boring as all get out – I’m far less interested in the courtroom versions of mysteries and more interested in how the pieces fit together. (Update: Then again, I am a person who likes the action genre and courtroom mysteries don’t have much of that, which might also explain my choice.)

“…lacking the element of motive to begin with.” – Well, Waver’s not wrong…

I’m observing this apple and noticing someone skimped on the detail around the stem. Does anyone still remember Art Academy for the DS? After looking at some promo material for it, I basically learnt how to draw a proper apple (and nothing else, really). If an apple is just drawn as a circle, it doesn’t quite look like an apple up close. (Two of the main things I screw up on when drawing are perception and the colour of highlights, both of which are covered in something like an apple stem and the related indent.)

Oh goodness…I was hoping Karabo would keep his vision (or actual eyeballs)…but that’s gruesome.

I’m guessing, based on the wheelchair, that Waver’s still paralysed or otherwise not able to move around like normal. Update: Spoke too soon.

Someone encoded the video funny again…

Waver 11

What was that crossword thing…? A warding spell of some sort?

Is that an owl in the back?!

Stealth fighter…Rider wanted on, didn’t he?

Every time he appears on screen now, I basically curse Melvin. He’s entertaining to watch, sure, but he’s annoyingly prodigal (= wasteful). He’s basically Dice from HypMic at this stage (aka he’s the sort of person who’d bet away his own clothes, given the chance and incentive).

Look at the way Waver’s hair drags behind him as he walks…it’s gorgeous…

“Residual Image” (as translated in the title) is literally “the left-over image” (zanzou). Not surprising, but I find the exact combo of characters used interesting since it could be short for “nokoru eizou” (where the nokoru’s character is read as zan in the combo, as you can guess).    

Waver 12

Wow…this series really pulled something out of its butt this time, huh? “The guy without a heart”…no viewer would’ve known that actually referred to a character called Dr Heartless unless they knew of his existence somehow (the closest they would’ve been was having an inkling that this pointed to a name of the culprit).

There is an owl in the back of the auction room!

Ay? So what the heck is Pandemonium in this case?

“dotard” – Turns out this means “an old person, especially one who has become physically weak or whose mental faculties have declined.” You can’t say I don’t enrich my vocbulary through watching anime, huh?

I’m still wondering…why adapt case 7 of this series (Rail Zeppelin)? Why not case 1 (Adra)? Update: I don’t know where I pulled the number 7 from, since this is volume 4 – 5 of the series. Apparently some of the cases were anime-original though.

Waver 13 (FINAL)

Oh, Flat, you stupid…

Waver’s exasperated faces are great. No wonder Reines likes to toy with him…

I can assume Rail Zeppelin is a Ghost Liner, yes?

Can I guess that Adashino ~likes~ Waver…? Update: Turns out that’s not quite the case.

Ooh, Waver without his shirt is se-okay, I’m getting distracted. Seriously though, Waver never showed his Crest in F/Z. I never even knew what it looked like until now! The fact it’s such a simple design in comparison to his Command Seals is…kinda underwhelming, really.

I think there’s a bit of a pattern between Jakurai (from HypMic) and Waver…namely, they suck when it comes to drinking. (Also, of course, the long hair. Don’t forget it, never forget it.)

Shut up, Add!

For some reason, I felt like a lot of that last part, while getting closure for Waver, it almost had connotations of “I’ll meet you on the other side, Rider”…so it felt kind of sad, to be honest. That talk between Reines and Olga I don’t think I’d understand without Apocrypha and Grand Order, but I guess that’s to be expected in such a huge franchise. Anyways, moving right along!

Illya 1

I’ve been a bit worried about what I’ll have to subject myself to for the sake of Magical Girls…

Was that…Taiga?

Who’s Liz…?

Okusama, huh? (Okusama = someone’s wife, although it seems to be used in the plural here since I don’t think Kiritsugu and/or Iri are dead in this timeline.)

The subs I’ve got say Shiro is adopted here too (when it’s not in the Japanese), although I wonder exactly how much of UBW is going to be true in this anime…

Hmm…a bit of digging reveals Luvia’s not a Master. So throwing out Lancer is really just a joke on how Lancer gets roasted early on in Grail Wars, right?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…squick, much…(Thank goodness the source I was using edited out the loli fanservice, so I can tolerate this series a lot more…but still, suggesting you have a romance with your step-brother, even if it’s known you’re not related from the beginning, is…you already know my feelings on that, based on my reaction. Shiro is, what, 15? About twice Illya’s age!) Update: Okay, so he has no confirmed age in Prisma Illya, but he’s 17 in F/SN so I’d assum the same or similar, seeing as he attends the same school. It’s fine if it’s platonic, but this is clearly an Onii-chan, daisuki! thing the likes of which Oreimo throws down! Thank you for calling it out though, Ruby.

Oh my gosh, this looks like the Rhongomynaid (Detective Waver) and Excalibur (or whatever Saber’s Noble Phantasm is called) summoning beam! LOL!

Ruby, you lech! Don’t go praising the angles! *shakes fist* (Seriously, what if magical girl mascots were paedophiles…? *blank face* Welp, considering what’s out there on the internet, I wouldn’t be surprised if a hentai or something had such a concept.)

Hmm? Turns out the word for Servant means something like “celestial hero”. Makes sense.

Nice callback to Saber and Shiro!

Illya 2

I thought Illya would say that her parents are dead…turns out the show’s not that grimdark (to the point where it wouldn’t set the show after Kiritsugu and Iri’s deaths), huh?

Do the sticks have a gender? The subs said “she” for Ruby…

LOL, it’s Rider. I thought Lancer was gonna get his butt kicked all over again (thinking more along the lines of CCS).

It’s Gay Bul-I mean, Gae Bolg! (I’ve been reading TV Tropes again…can you tell?)

This episode was pretty pedestrian. I like it more than the first one.

What’s up with the CGI…?

Oh! Bunbun, who does Yuki Yuna! Update: They only did the illustrations for some of the series. They also did SAO illustrations, although that’s of less significance to me.

Illya 3

The sticks do have genders!!! That’s like claiming Jesus for kakera with Mudae! (Yes, that’s possible. I got him in one server.)

The power of fujoshi…is amazing! How did it get to a girl who’s so young?!

These angles are a bit disturbing…

“Casao”, LOL.

Magical girl nakama, huh?

Illya 4

MST3K mantra!

Whose quote is that again…? “Don’t think, imagine”? Update: It turns out to not be anyone’s quote at all, if Google results are to be believed.

Uh-oh! Saber Alter!

Illya 5

Padding the episode already…?

The mist is a quality of a Berserker, right?

Geez the angles piss me off…

These sticks have brains???

Can you call it teamwork if they’re always complaining about each other?

Illya 6

More padding…

Illya’s UBW!

Geesh, that last-minute shot of Rin and Luvia popping out of the ground scared me for a bit…

Illya 7

*sigh* It’s the sick episode…

I recognise the vacuum cleaner. I have the same one at home.

*sigh* Random fanservice of elementary school girls. This is what gives anime a bad name.

*Sapphire pulls out a USB port* - Ohhkay, is that stick fanservice, in a sense…? Because that’s awkward too.

Maids went out of fashion years ago…

“Lyrical Radical Genocide” - I think this Lyrical Radical things is parodying Nanoha.

Based on the cloak, it’s an Assassin.

“Listen, if you aren’t careful, you’ll die!” – Yep, because people die when they are killed. I almost missed that meme for a bit.

Illya 8

Illya’s still reeling from Miyu’s talk, huh?

I noticed it said tomoda(chi) in the background at one point.

Does Miyu exist in any of the alternate universes?

Ah, there’s yuujou (friendship) in the background as calligraphy.

I think the video got encoded funny again…

Geez, complaining about boobs? The series got worse…oh, I forgot Shiro was around in this series.

…who’s left? There’s been Saber, Archer, Lancer, Assassin, Rider, Caster and…who? Berserker, that’s who.

Illya 9

Ohhhhhhhh brother, not more bath scenes…

Iri looks almost exactly like she does in the Eiznbern Consultation Rooms! (I found those around and watched them today.)

Thank goodness the fanservice is censored…

I never realised Berseker had heterochromia until now…

One thing that I assume makes Saber’s outfit look nice to thos that like girls is the window in the top…but it goes to waste on Miyu, LOL.

I find it interesting Illya has all these concerns – the ones (or similar ones) Iri harbourd in F/Z.

Hey, the bridge! This is the bridge where Rider dies inn F/Z, yeah?

The ED looks different this time…  

Illya 10 (FINAL)

E-Eep…loli fanservice…

Now Miyu is basically what Waver is to Rider, no doubt about it.

Bulls***! Speak of the devil! I was wondering what Waver looked like in the Illya style, because I read on the wiki he makes a cameo in season 2, and…here he is. Didn’t expect him in season 1, though.

Another new ED animation. I find it interesting they’ve never once had to recast any VAs throughout the entire existence of Fate/ anime…not that I know of, anyway.

Hiroyama Hiroshi is the original Illya creator.

Okay, that’s the end of one season. I feel kind of fatigued since I finished the Eiznbern Consultation Rooms today as well, so I’m going to take a break from watching more Illya until it’s necessary to watch again in a few posts’ time.

Now that they’ve collected the cards, I’m wondering what the series intends to do next…

Illya s2 Pt 1 Ep 1

They clearly skimped on the budget when Shiro was leaving the house…

I keep forgetting Illya is meant to be German…

That bad English…is actually there in the ep. title…

Oh great…schoolgirls talking about erotic swimsuits…

This s*** is what you call “Class-S”! I have no interest in it, because I don’t swing that way! (Sorry, yuri fans…)

The problem with series that aren’t 100% made with you in mind is that your favourite characters might look ugly…that’s especially the case with En, Jakurai and Waver.

Ryudou Temple, eh? Let’s hope Assassin still looks good.

I don’t think I’ve seen that before…namely, being able to hear what’s going on outside the transformation while it’s happening.

Now this 2 Illyas thing…this is new, alright.

Illya s2 Pt 1 Ep 2

LOL, what a horoscope.

Truck-kun! I don’t think Illya would make a good isekai protag, come to think of it.

Who is this nurse? I feel like she’s from some other part of the Nasuverse… Update: My guess was right. That’s Caren Hortensia, protagonist of Fate/hollow ataraxia and Kirei’s…uh, daughter. I know he had a wife. We never met said wife, but seeing the daughter really drove that fact home.  

Uhhhhhhhh…okay, now the lesbian loli scene just made things go off a cliff for me. I’m not against lesbians or yuri – to each their own – but that scene was clearly meant to be pleasing to a certain audience.

How does anyone kill anything gently…?

Ohhhhhhkay, strike 2 for loli fanservice.

I seem to remember…that’s right, Alice from the [something] no Kuni no Alice series was evaluated on her coffee-making skills (by Julius, I think it was). That’s why I’m thinking of Alice when I see Luvia praising Miyu on something similar.

Wa-hey! It’s Rin’s Azoth dagger!

Well, the mechanics of the transformation are also something you have to think about. I’ll give the show kudos for that.  

Illya s2 Pt 1 Ep 3

Can we not with the whole “Onii-chan, daisuki!” thing?! That’s it! That’s the last straw! I’m finishing this episode and aborting early so that I can preserve my dignity…and get some proper sleep for once.

The fact Miyu thinks Shiro resembles her brother must not be a coincidence…(I’ve become far too Fate/ savvy, haven’t I?) Update: It seems I was right. Apparently, Miyu was taken in by Kiritsugu in a certain universe, but apparently this is a bunch of spoilers.

Genki na aisatsu was in the back.

This is just getting worse and worse…

So now Kuro’s name is Kuroe (Chloe), huh? Anyways, good riddance, loli fanservice! So long! I won’t miss you one bit!

[rebelwheelssoapbox]

Disability Rights & The Woes of Political Isolation

by Rebelwheels NYC Although it is true that disabled people exist within every marginalized demographic, and thus every issue impacts the disability community, (as a person can be disabled and black, disabled and transgender, disabled and a refugee etc), I am going to be talking about some issues that don't normally get the spotlight and some theories as to why that is the case.

There are many obstacles in the path of advancement when it comes to Disability Rights in the U.S. Politicians being one - and not just Republicans, my friends. Sometimes it’s not just the elephant in the room, sometimes the donkey is truly an ass.

[photo of disabled activist and editor in chief for Rooted In Rights, Emily Landau who is sitting in her wheelchair, holding up a sign that reads “Because of the Americans With Disabilties Act, I can get around my community! # Hands Off My ADA #Stop HR 620, because there were people in the Republican AND Democratic party who voted to gut the ADA. ] But I digress. Another major influence is the severe lack of disability representation in the media (TV, Movies, etc.) When there is representation, (besides there being a total lack of diversity), more than not the stories are written by able bodied people, the disabled characters are played by able bodied actors, and the plot is usually some recycled trope.

Disability is tragic, pitiful and the only chance of happiness is a cure... or death. Disability is a trick, where the character presents themselves as disabled but ha ha ha, plot twist! They are not disabled at all. Fakers! Cheating the system, swindling us all. And of course, the dangerous disabled man, usually blind and/or mentally ill, who should be feared and is typically some sort of murderer. But let's not forget the disabled character who might as well be called Angel, because they never complain or frown and pretty much exist to inspire and uplift the able bodied audience.

[A poster for the movie Me Before You, where the disabled character kills himself in the end, leaving all of his money to his able bodied love interest, because while the tagline of the film was to live boldly, apparently the film did not intend that message to include disabled people. In the image the able bodied character is sitting on the disabled character’s lap, as the disabled character sits in his motorized wheelchair.] People seem to love disabled people when we’re presented as this trope-based concept, but when we present ourselves as full fledged human beings, fighting for and deserving of civil rights? Well, that “plot line” just doesn't seem to be as interesting.

Many people don't even know the word ableism. When we are oppressed, it's not oppression, people are just being “mean”. As a result, you have this weird mix of experience (if your disability is visible) where when you're out in public, random people gawk at you, hyper aware of your existence, and yet, when it's time to talk about cuts to healthcare (as an example), such as medicare and medicaid, it's disabled who? Disabled what? Never heard of it.

[image of a disabled activist in a wheelchair being taken away by the police. A lot of people seemed to forget how disabled activists, including those from ADAPT, put their bodies on the line, when protesting Trumpcare in solidarity with the resistance. Photo source: Getty Images/PS Mag.] Now, mix all of that with the fact that there is so much injustice going on in the world, to the point where it's practically impossible to keep up with everything, and well, disability rights issues pretty much go unnoticed. But wait a minute. Is it really that simple? After all, a number of people were up in arms when there was talks of major cuts to The Special Olympics. My local politicians had pinned tweets (posts on social media) with petitions, outraged and pledging to take action, but as an example, when New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo was (and continues to) talk about major cuts to medicaid programs like the CDPA , with the exception of some minor local media coverage and a small pocket within the disability rights movement, it was pretty much crickets.

[A disabled athlete poses in front of a red backdrop with the white special olympics logo. She flexes her muscles and smiles, and has several medals around her neck] Now, it is true, Special Olympics is a federal program, where as the proposed cuts to the CDPA were only state-wide. More than that, one is a televised program where disabled athletes compete for medals and glory. There are lights, there are cameras, it's a whole production with corporate sponsors eager to scoop up that good PR. The mission is to empower people with intellectual disabilities to find purpose and confidence via sports and competition, while also inspiring [able bodied] “people in their communities and elsewhere to open their hearts to a wider world of human talents and potential.” And then we have The CDPA, lesser known but a program nonetheless, that empowers disabled people (like myself) who rely on home services, to hire their own personal attendants, thus giving them a choice as to who comes into their homes, who bathes their bodies, who makes their meals (or even helps them eat – if this is what is needed. Needs vary of course.) And while there are no lights, no cameras, no tickets to the show – it does create over 100,000 jobs, which is nothing to sneeze at.

[photo of New York State Governor, Andrew Cuomo who stands at a podium. Behind him is a blue backdrop that reads “2019 Justice Agenda”. Sadly, his justice agenda is not justice for ALL New Yorkers and in many ways, throws disabled New Yorkers under the bus] But there is another factor here that can not be ignored. The name. While I am not a fan of the term “special” when in regard to disability, when it comes to a name like Special Olympics, you can get an idea of what will be involved. There are sports, there is competition, and there are people with “special needs” aka disabled people. And then, we have the CDPA ...what the hell is the CDPA? Even if it's spelled out: Consumer Direction Personal Assistance. How many people even read the whole title? Furthermore, after reading it, do you have any better idea as to what it's about? And that is one (of many) problems that the Disability Rights movement faces. Because a lot of disability rights (at least on a systemic level, opposed to identity and the more social side of ableism), it's pretty much policy based, which is just not that interesting to most people, especially when these policies are given names like Disability Integration Act, Consumer Direction Personal Assistance. None of these names invoke any kind of emotion or intrigue.

Now, of course the disability community can't help what the government chooses to name the policies, but what if when talking about them to the public, the community referred to them with something more exciting and informative? What if the policies were given direct but intriguing Reference Names?

[photo of disabled activists from ADAPT, taken from their website: Adapt.org ] For an example, let's take the DIA or Disability Integration Act. What if that same act was now referred to as the Stop Warehousing Disabled People Act? In that moment, you now have an idea of what the DIA is about. Of course, it would be the call of organizers to pick a reference name and it would still be connected to the legal name.  Example: The Stop Warehousing Disabled People Act (otherwise known as the DIA) is an act that would prevent the state from being able to force disabled people against their will into institutions and nursing homes (because yes, that’s a thing.) And while the legal name would mostly be used when talking to people in the government, the reference name would be used when talking about it to the public, and even within our own community. The other day, I was chatting with a friend of mine, who is also in the disability community, about the DIA and he replied, “...What's the DIA?”. “You know, Disability Integration Act?” “Never heard of it.”

[photo of a man with a  confused look on his face] Given the obstacles that the community faces when trying to gain public empathy and solidarity in response to the attacks from the system, one of the last things we need is to be held back by a lack of accessible and easy to understand language / marketing.

This includes how we describe the details of the policies as well. Several times, when I’ve attempted to comprehend the details of a policy that directly impacts myself and/or my peoples, I've had to ask a dear friend in the disability community (who is a former policy analyst) to literally translate the details into layman's terms. Not only does this show that the language is not accessible, but it also begs the question, how many people won't even bother to ask? Now of course, the issue of disability and political isolation is a very complicated topic, and in no way am I suggesting that these two ideas are the solution to all that ails our community. It should also be noted that in no way is this intended to disparage the efforts of the disability activists who work incredibly hard for the liberation of our people. That said, using language that is easier to understand, that invokes some kind of emotion, beyond our immediate disability activist circle, is only a step in the right direction, and may even lessen the woes of political isolation. 

[Photo of New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo in mid speech. source: The New York Post. ] TAKE ACTION!

If you think Governor Cuomo's massive cuts to a program that not only empowers disabled and/or elderly people to choose who enters their homes and takes care of them, but also creates over 100,000 jobs for the community, then tell Cuomo, in the name of disability and worker solidarity to leave the CDPA alone. #SaveCDPA Call him at 518-474-8390 and press 2 to talk to his assistant. If you are unable to make a phone call, you can send him a message via his website: https://www.governor.ny.gov/content/governor-contact-form or reach him on twitter @NYGovCuomo