#always and never statements in spn

[shallowseeker]

i was thinking about naomi and i realized that despite her being manipulative and controlling she's probably one of the few leaders of heaven who view humans as something to protect. like she seems to view dean as an exception to that rule but was willing to sacrifice a lot if it meant humanity was safe.

maybe that was all a front but i wonder if that's why castiel trusted her more than other leaders, even after everything she did to him personally.

I think Cas trusts her motivation (eventually), but not her methods, so yes. I tend to agree!

(Her ends do NOT justify her means!)

But... I do love how her motivation is very solid, really, by the time everything is said and done!

"For the greater good," right?

///

I know I'm beating a dead drum, but I love how Naomi didn’t want to help Cas. She wanted to "break" him in order to "fix" him. (Like resetting a bone, maybe?)

If there’s one thing this season does well, it’s fatalism as force for good, like a kind of false reliability.

Time and again, we see characters become most dependable when they have little else to live for. They’re stripped of competing ties or driven by simple, predictable patterns of behavior or needs. Their reliability comes from this simplicity. They don’t second-guess your judgment. This makes them steady and uncomplicated—almost flat—especially compared to your more complex, dynamic, and ever-changing (ever-grieving) family people.

Both feet in, or both feet out etc etc.

Naomi fits perfectly into that mindset. To her, the more reliable soldier (brother, son, family, or fellow warrior) is the one with few attachments outside of herself, her cause, or the mission to save the world. No distractions.

((ASIDE: Ironically, by the end of the season, Sam ends up in a similar mode—reduced to The Cause, running on heroic suicidality to try and patch over the wounds of his actual nervous breakdown... his abandonment of family and friends.

That said, I’ll give Sam this (stolen from anon hi): part of his neurosis is that, unlike some of his mirrors, he’s not primarily looking for family to support himself or "keep him good." At least not in theory. What he really wants is to BE reliable. To be taken seriously, to get out from under the kids' table. He doesn’t want to let people down. He wants to be a hero.

But after the loss and shattering of his soul, then having it flayed open, his walls broken and barely mended, and then losing Dean, Bobby, and Cas in rapid succession, he’s left too mentally unwell to be the hero he wants to be.

Truth is... At the end of season 7, he’s a coward. He flees. He has a nervous breakdown and tries to rationalize this abandonment instead of looking at it for what it is. And instead of looking at it directly, he looks at it sideways—as letting Dean down, instead of facing the deeper truth:

he let himself down.

In truth, Sam has fallen far from his idealized vision of who he wants to be: a good brother, a hero to his friends, STRONG. (RELATED: Back in season 4, he was disgusted by others’ weakness because he couldn’t stand his own.) This creates a dark parallel to Naomi’s worldview. While Naomi tries to engineer dependability by severing all ties, Sam tries to embody it through suicide/his trials.)))

That’s why I love that Naomi steps in at the end to protect Sam’s wellbeing... because she’s realized she too has fallen far from her idealized view of herself as protector. She’s endangered a soul (Sam) and pushed her best soldier (Cas) away... all to her home’s detriment.

In classic SPN fashion, she went too far and ended up hurting the very things she meant to protect.

Naomi wants to be trusted, and Sam wants to be trusted. But neither knows how to rebuild that trust.

In a way, they’ve both turned their backs on who they truly are slash want to be.

///

NAOMI: "I don't know when we forgot that."

///

Last note on this

because NONE of this is what you asked for, right? LOL.

I love how Naomi winds up in a full-on Naomi-who-cried-wolf scenario. The people SHE trusts? They don’t trust her back.

She’s burned every. Single. Bridge.

And who are these people she WOULD trust?

These guys. That's right. Cas, who she tortured and poked holes in his brain, and Dean, the guy she actively tried to have murdered.

Cas turned out to be her most IMPORTANT bridge, and she burned it and stomped around in the ashes.

Irony...

She trusts them because they’re wary, rebellious, and willing to DISAGREE with her directly and vehemently—not just with lukewarm lip service. They're action-oriented. They stand up to her.

They’re not figments of always-and-never, not perfect super-soldiers or flawless war companions.

Which is also why it backfires so spectacularly. They don't trust her here, and it's all her own damn fault.

It's so crunchy!

EDIT: RELEVANT TO ABOVE

JACK: But how could the Empty get in? And I thought Heaven was supposed to be perfect. CAS: No. It's not. Nothing's perfect, Jack. But I know Naomi, and she's complicated, but there is nothing that she won't do to protect the souls that are in her charge. Try not to worry, okay? 14x09 The Spear

//

13x19 Funeralia

[bellaxgiornata]

The Devil at Your Window |11: Separation|

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader Word count: 4.4k [Series Masterlist]

Warnings/Tags: 18+; fluff, flirting, sexual tension, light angst, pining, eventual smut, identity reveal, and lots of black suit Matty

a/n: Had to give our favorite stray black cat Matt another update. Feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!

Tag list: @danzer8705 @darkened-writer @keepingitlokiii @kezibear @dorothleah @sarahskywalker-amidala @1988-fiend @haruari @millennial-birkin @marveious @sunflower-tia @fizanotfeeza @cloudroomblog @babygirlmurdock @writtenbyred @idontevenknow1359 @scriptedmoon @sarraa-26 @barnes21cz @loves0phelia @3sriracha @kmc1989 @midnightramble @marissamejia19 @ardent-crow @ujws5 @livvyliv15 @sweety18 @energerstar @steve-chandler @librarygremin @wanda-maxamommy  @mullins108 @valhallavalkyrie9 @spn-reader

Holding onto the strap of your purse with both of your hands, you stood in line at the coffee shop that you occasionally visited near your apartment. Normally you didn't stop into Dark Matter on a Saturday morning, but sitting inside your apartment and staring at the same few walls sounded far too depressing this morning. So instead, you'd decided to grab a book and walk half a block to read at the shop over a cup of coffee instead.

After bringing the Devil’s Pantry back inside your apartment when you'd woken this morning, the sight of it remaining untouched again had stirred up all those feelings of dejection and rejection once more. The fear that the Devil was really gone from your life, that you'd never see him again, had become an all consuming thought as you’d showered and gotten ready for the day. You were sure you'd finally ruined everything by suggesting that you could just sleep with him without involving feelings the other night.

Why had you even suggested the idea of a friends with benefits situation with him? Sure, with every fiber of your being you absolutely wanted to have sex with him, but that was a bold statement to make even for you. He probably thought you sounded pathetic. Or crazy. And you did want more than just a physical relationship with him. You were curious about the man behind the mask, the one who put his life on the line almost nightly for strangers in Hell’s Kitchen, the one you admired so completely. So why had you stupidly disagreed with the truth when he'd said that you weren’t the no-strings-attached type? Because you absolutely couldn't be. You'd tried doing that once before and it had gone horrible for you in the past, there was no way you'd ever be able to get physical with the masked man while keeping your feelings locked away.

Because you had feelings for him.

Hands tightening further around the straps of your purse, you clenched your jaw in irritation with the situation that you'd stupidly put yourself in. You'd opened your damn mouth and ruined whatever had been going on with him ever since you'd first found him on your fire escape in that snow storm. How was it that whenever the Devil was involved, you continued to keep digging yourself into a deeper hole? Somehow you just kept pushing him further and further away when all you wanted to do was to draw him closer. It was like the more you tried, the more distance he created between you two.

He really is like a feral stray cat, you thought. It’s almost not even funny at this point.

But you didn't come to the coffee shop this morning to dwell on your ridiculous feelings for the Devil, you came here for a change of scenery and a distraction. Trying to shove those frustrating thoughts about the Devil from your mind, you shuffled forward when the line towards the register finally moved. At least soon you’d have a coffee and your book to distract you from the overwhelming disappointment and regret at trying to hook up with a masked vigilante.

Who the hell even did that, anyway?

As you stood in line eyeing the menu behind the register while debating on what to order, the door to the coffee shop opened behind you. The stillness of the shop was immediately interrupted by a cool breeze wafting inside and the sound of a loud voice speaking in a rush as more patrons entered the building. Your lips pulled into a straight line as you tried to tune out what the man who’d been speaking was saying, but when he came to stand behind you in line, it became almost impossible to ignore him.

“All I’m saying is,” the man continued, talking to whoever he’d apparently come to the coffee shop with, “is that of the two of us, I’m pretty sure I’m the one who looks a bit more trustworthy. While you, on the other hand, look like trouble.”

“Trouble?” another voice behind you asked, clear amusement in their tone. “Is that right?”

“Sorry, buddy,” the first man replied. “I’m just telling you what you can’t see in the mirror.”

There was a light chuckle to what was clearly meant to be a teasing jab, but something about the warm sound had caused the hair on the back of your neck to bristle. That laugh had almost sounded…familiar.

“Now that’s a low blow,” the other man responded. “Shame on you for using my disability against me like that, Fog.”

“I’m just being honest, man,” the man you assumed was ‘Fog’ teased. “But hey, if you don’t believe me, maybe we should get a second opinion?”

“What?” asked the other voice. “Fog, no. We don’t–”

“Why? Are you afraid I’m going to be proven right?” Fog taunted behind you.

“No, that’s–that’s not it,” the man replied, sounding a little panicked. “You don’t need to bother anyone with this. It’s ridiculous. You can handle the interview then, Foggy. It’s fine. I’ll step back.”

Your eyes narrowed curiously as you stared ahead at the coffee shop menu on the wall behind the register. Why had the other man sounded so familiar? You’d been contemplating just turning around to sneak a peek at the men behind you in the line, hoping you could figure it out with a quick glance, but then you felt a gentle tap along the top of your shoulder and the opportunity had quite literally presented itself to you.

“Excuse me, miss?” Foggy asked from behind you. “Do you mind resolving a debate for us?”

“Foggy, please don’t bother anyone over this,” the panicked plea came immediately afterwards. “This is ridiculous.”

Too curious to ignore the man who’d just tapped your shoulder, you half-turned in place from where you stood in line, entirely prepared to ask what exactly he’d wanted resolved. The growing familiarity in Foggy’s companion’s voice had made you wonder just who was behind you, but the moment you’d turned, you were immediately shocked at what you saw. 

One of the men was the exact same handsome gentleman that you’d literally run into by the bathrooms at Josie’s almost a month ago now. The handsome guy who’d offered to buy you a drink when you’d been on your first date with Dylan. It was impossible for you not to immediately recognize him with that attractive, stubbled face covered by those familiar red glasses and the cane he was clutching in his hand. That was why he’d sounded so familiar.

His companion, the one who must’ve tapped you on the shoulder that he'd been calling ‘Foggy,’ clearly didn’t notice the look of surprise that spread over your features when you turned around. He also didn’t seem to notice the curious reaction his friend had beside him–how he'd stiffened, his lips straightening into a tight line. It almost looked as if he’d recognized you with how he'd tensed the second you’d spun around and recognized him, but you knew that would have been impossible since he was blind and you hadn’t even spoken yet. There was no way he could have known that you were the woman from Josie’s.

“I’m sorry to bother you, miss,” Foggy began, drawing your attention back towards him, “but could you answer a simple question for us? Help us settle a little debate?”

You stood there for a minute, still entirely thrown by the sight of that man again. What were the odds of running into him? It had taken you so off guard that it took you a moment to recover before you could even register what his friend had asked you.

“Uh, sure?” you replied awkwardly.

Your eyes darted over to the handsome man beside Foggy once more, unable to resist the strange pull towards him. You could’ve sworn you saw his lips twitch when you'd responded. Was it possible he’d recognized your voice? Except you’d only spoken two words, that was ridiculous. You were clearly reading far too much into this because of how surprised you were to see him again.

“So my friend and I here are lawyers,” Foggy continued, either unphased or entirely unaware of the way your eyes kept darting towards the man next to him, “and we’ve got a client interview coming up. We can’t seem to agree on who seems to have the least intimidating appearance to take the lead on it, so can you give us your honest opinion? Who looks more trustworthy, me or this guy?”

You watched as Foggy flashed you a bright, friendly smile before your attention once more shifted over to the man beside him. The handsome man from Josie’s didn’t even bother flashing a smile in your direction, his lips remaining in a tight line along his face. For a moment you lost yourself silently staring at him, something else feeling like it was scratching at the corner of your mind. 

Something about him seemed familiar. And not just in the way that you recognized him from Josie’s. It was something you'd felt with him that night you’d first run into him, too. Like you knew him from somewhere. But why?

“Don’t I…know you?” you eventually asked the man, unable to keep quiet.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Foggy’s smile drop from his lips before he rolled his eyes, looking very much like this was something that happened often. The man beside him only seemed to grip his cane tighter in his hand at your question, his jaw tensing as he stared in your direction behind his glasses.

“Sorry,” you apologized, shaking your head. Of course you’d need to elaborate if you were going to get an answer. “It’s just…I swear I ran into you at Josie’s a few weeks ago. Quite literally, I mean. By the bathrooms?”

Some of the tension seemed to ease out of the man’s shoulders at your words, as if he was very gradually relaxing. A small smile pulled at his lips a few seconds later, like maybe he really was recognizing you. In the better lighting of the coffee shop as opposed to the dim light of Josie’s, you couldn’t help but notice that he had a nice smile. It was both disarming and mesmerizing simultaneously.

Sort of like someone else you knew...

“The woman who refused to let me buy her a drink? After I probably gave you a headache?” the man asked, his expression growing more animated. “Is that really you?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” you answered with a nervous laugh, shuffling forward when you noticed the line towards the register had moved once more. “Seems a strange coincidence running into you again.”

“Well thankfully this time you didn’t actually run into me,” he teased you.

His entire demeanor became vastly different than it had been a minute ago, his expression and tone turning almost playful. Biting your lip, you tried to fight back a smile at what you thought might’ve been him flirting with you. You noticed that his friend Foggy had caught your reaction and you quickly ducked your head to further hide it, trying to take a moment to recover. This guy was attractive and charismatic–a dangerous combination.

“So you and Matt…know each other?” Foggy asked hesitantly, his eyes darting between you both.

Matt. The handsome guy from Josie’s name was Matt. You were going to store that piece of information away, even if you weren’t sure you’d have a reason to remember it later.

“Oh, no,” you answered, waving a dismissive hand in the air as you shook off the notion. “No, we just literally ran into each other for a minute at Josie’s.”

“And you didn’t let me buy you a drink because you were on a date,” Matt replied, that charming smile still spread over his mouth. 

“Dude,” Foggy said with a chuckle. “Seriously? Trying to steal women away from their dates now while they’re still on the date? That’s a new one for you.”

Laughing lightly, you shook your head at his comment. “No, he uh, he didn’t know I was,” you told him. “Which was why I’d declined.”

Matt’s head tilted curiously to the side at your response, the motion reminding you painfully of the Devil and all those times he’d done the same thing as he stood in your apartment. For a brief moment, the flash of heartache that you were trying to ignore hit you like a sharp bolt of lightning right in your chest before you shook it off. The point of coming to the coffee shop this morning was to forget about him.

“So how did that date go?” Matt asked, the corner of his lips curling a bit higher into something like a cheeky smirk. “Such a strange place to take a woman for a first date, if you ask me.”

You shrugged a shoulder, moving a few steps forward again as the person in front of you stepped up to the register to order. “Well, he didn't exactly make it past the second date, but it had nothing to do with us going to Josie's,” you told him. “Going there was a lot less stressful than some fancy restaurant, anyway. Which was what we both wanted.”

Matt’s head shifted further to the side, his brows pinching together behind those red lenses. “Not into fancy restaurants, then?”

You shook your head, noticing the way Foggy’s eyes kept curiously shifting between the pair of you. There was a little smile gradually making its way onto his face as he listened to the conversation.

“No, that’s not exactly my thing,” you answered him. “And they also just add to the first date jitters, you know?”

The lady who’d been at the register in front of you finished paying for her coffee before she shifted further down the counter, waiting for her order to be made. You excused yourself from the conversation before stepping forward to the register. But before you could order, you were distracted when you heard both men behind you begin speaking in hushed, muffled voices. Brows furrowing faintly together, you wondered what they were saying since you couldn’t quite hear their words, but when the person behind the register cleared their throat and raised an impatient brow at you, you forced yourself to tune them out and focus on ordering your coffee. 

Once you'd finished ordering and paying, you made your way further down the counter to wait for your drink. Though when you stopped at the counter, hands still fidgeting with the strap of your purse, you couldn't fight your gaze from drifting back over to the pair of men you’d just been talking to. You watched as they ordered their coffees at the register, your eyes lingering on Matt. 

The longer you watched him, the more familiar he seemed to you. Eyes narrowing at the well dressed man, you curiously watched them pay for their coffees while attempting to place why you kept getting that strange feeling around him. Had you just seen him out around Hell’s Kitchen in the past somewhere? He was an attractive man, easily someone who’d catch your eye on the street or in a restaurant. Was that all this strange feeling was about, your subconscious recognizing him? Or was there something more to it?

Before you could really think about it further, both men stepped over to where you were standing and waiting for your drink. Matt was holding onto Foggy’s bicep as they walked, Foggy shooting you a wide smile as Matt’s demeanor seemed to have changed once again. That playfulness was gone and replaced with that uncomfortable tension again, his hand once more white-knuckling his cane.

“You never answered my question, you know,” Foggy said, breaking through your thoughts. “You got distracted by my friend here.” He held up a hand, that grin still on his face as he continued with a faint chuckle. “Which happens often, don’t get me wrong. But I would still like your opinion so I can prove a point to him.”

“Right, yeah,” you said, remembering why he’d begun speaking with you in the first place. A barista behind the counter set your order down and you picked it up before focusing back on Foggy. “Which one of you looks more trustworthy, right? That was the debate?”

“Yes, that’d be the one,” Foggy agreed with a nod. “So who is it? Me or this guy?” 

Foggy paused, gesturing a thumb at Matt standing beside him. Matt looked stiff and uncomfortable as he focused his attention near where you were standing, his grip seemingly tightening on his friend's arm. 

“Go with your gut,” Foggy prompted you. “What’s it telling you?”

Standing before them and holding your warm cup of coffee in your hand, your eyes darted between the two men as you considered his question for a moment. Once again, Foggy was smiling at you, his expression warm and friendly, while Matt remained rigid beside him. His mouth was in a straight, thin line as he stood with his shoulders tensed. He looked like he wanted to bolt from the coffee shop. 

Your answer tumbled out of your mouth with barely any further thought. “Your friend.”

Foggy’s face immediately scrunched up into a look of sheer confusion at your response, clearly not having expected you to answer that. Beside him, Matt’s dark brows twitched faintly together above his glasses, as if he’d also been a little surprised at your answer.

“You wanted me to go with my gut,” you answered, taking a step backwards with your coffee in hand. “That’s what it said. I hope that helped solve your issue.”

“It didn’t,” Foggy muttered, his face still pinched in confusion. “But thanks.”

Giving him a bit of a half-wave, you turned around and headed towards an empty table in the far corner of the room and sat down. But even as you pulled your book out of your purse, you couldn’t resist glancing across the coffee shop to where the two men had taken a seat with their coffees across the room from you.

“Clearly she was biased,” Foggy complained as he took a seat across from Matt. “She already knew you. We need another opinion.”

Matt swallowed down his coffee, making a little face as he set the cup back onto the table in front of him. The barista had added far too much sweetener this time. He might've just been drinking hot sugar water.

“We don’t need another opinion,” Matt disagreed. “You can take the lead on this one.”

He heard the faint, surprised gasp that came from his friend across the table, the sound causing Matt to grin. If Foggy really wanted to handle the interview, then why fight it?

“I just need to have pretty girls fluster you more often when we’re having disagreements if this is the outcome,” Foggy joked. “Things might work out in my favor more often.”

“That’s not what happened,” Matt muttered, drawing his cup of coffee back up to his mouth. “She didn't fluster me.”

As he forced down another sip, trying to hide his reaction to the overly sweet drink as it ran over his sensitive tongue, Matt’s attention inevitably drifted back over to where you were sitting in the coffee shop. You sounded like you were reading a book–or at least, that seemed to be your intention. With the shifts in air currents and the way your fingers kept fidgeting with the flimsy pages instead of turning them, it seemed like you were more focused on him and Foggy at this table than the book in your hands. 

Tilting his head a bit in your direction, he focused his senses more closely on you. Your breathing seemed elevated, along with your heart rate. He’d already been hit with your familiar pheromones shortly after you’d turned around when you'd been in line, the sweet, delicious taste of them only tempting him further to do something he shouldn't. You were attracted to Matt Murdock, just as much as you were attracted to the other side of him that had visited your apartment multiple times now.

He continued to try to focus on reading your body, but the tapping of Foggy’s fingers against his paper coffee cup inevitably grew impossible to ignore. Before Matt could even ask him what was on his mind, his friend’s voice cut through the silence that had fallen between them.

“Who was she?” he asked, gesturing his head towards your direction even though he knew Matt couldn’t see it. “That girl we just ran into?”

He did his best to put on his most convincing smile before he shrugged a shoulder. “Just a girl I ran into by the bathrooms at Josie’s,” he replied simply. 

“She said you offered to buy her a drink,” Foggy pointed out. “Sounds like she caught your attention. Why don’t you ask her out? She’s still here, she’s just sitting across the shop. In fact,” Foggy continued, Matt catching the way his head turned in your direction before he spoke again, his voice lowered, “she keeps staring at you.”

Matt’s lips twitched at Foggy’s comment. He knew you kept looking over at him, a mixture of desire and curiosity radiating off of you since you’d turned around in line and saw him. But there was something else he’d noticed about you, too. The same thing he noticed about you that night at Josie’s when he’d run into you. He could almost hear your thoughts racing in your head.

You were trying to figure him out. Something people didn’t usually do when they met someone for the first time–not in the way you were doing it. And he worried if Matt Murdock got too close to you, you might piece it all together. You were smart and perceptive. Too many clues and you’d learn that he was the Devil, which was a secret that only Claire knew out of necessity. A dangerous one he didn’t want you to learn. You were far too good for Matt to put you in danger like that. It was bad enough that the masked man’s repeated visits to your apartment could already potentially do the same.

“Why don’t we focus on the interview,” Matt suggested, switching the topic. “That’s coming up on Monday. You should be prepared for it.”

There was a hesitant pause before Foggy reluctantly agreed. Matt could hear the way his head had turned, as if he was focusing back on you again. You, who were now across the coffee shop ducking your head away to clearly avoid Foggy’s gaze because you were once again staring at him and not wanting to be caught. That had Matt’s hand tightening around his coffee cup, struggling to keep himself seated. As Foggy finally relented and began discussing the upcoming potential client, Matt’s mind drifted back to the other night when he’d been at your apartment.

Back to your surprising suggestion.

You weren’t wrong. He’d felt what you felt. He had almost kissed you–truthfully more than those two times that you’d mentioned. You were just something else entirely to him, something he couldn’t wrap his head around. The way you always left that Devil’s Pantry on your fire escape every single night just for him, even when he’d been trying to avoid your apartment, had certainly made him feel something he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to name. Without fail, you were always eager and willing to assist him, whether it was warming up from the cold or helping with an injury to the best of your ability, you were always steadfast in your attempts to help over the past few months. Reliable in a way he’d never experienced before, and you had no idea who he was or what he really looked like.

But no-strings-attached sex? Adding some physical element to your friendship? Matt couldn’t deny he wanted that, especially not after his reaction to the way he’d accidentally overheard you the other week in your apartment. He’d certainly had moments laying in bed at night when he was wound up after a patrol and he couldn’t get you out of his head even when he hadn’t stopped by your place that evening. And he’d certainly taken care of his frustrations while thinking about you–your laugh, the feel of your touch when you’d helped care for a wound, the scent of you that filled your apartment, the way you’d felt sitting in his lap when he’d been soaked from the rain, the memory of the taste of your arousal thick in the air almost every time he visited.

God, did he want you.

But he had a feeling sleeping with you would only end up hurting you in the end. He was positive you had feelings besides just attraction for him. And this thing between you both couldn’t continue as anything serious, not with him as the Devil. The Devil couldn’t have a relationship.

But he knew Matt Murdock could have something with you. That part of him could’ve taken you on dates and maybe let you into his life a little bit. Gotten to know you better somewhere outside of your small apartment. Taken you into his own bed and let you stay the night if you wanted. Cooked you breakfast in the morning. That side of Matt could’ve given you his number, called you on the phone whenever he wanted to hear your sweet voice.

Except he knew that side of himself couldn’t have you that easily. Not now. You were too close to the Devil. Not unless the Devil stopped visiting your apartment and you somehow didn’t catch any coincidences that pointed you straight at the truth. The two sides of himself would have to be kept separate from you, that fact was clear. You could only know one of them.

Focusing back on Foggy’s conversation while half of his attention was still on you in the corner of the coffee shop, those thoughts continued to run through his mind. He’d have to make a decision on which side you’d get–unless he chose to cut you out of his life altogether. 

Drawing his coffee cup up to his lips, he drank down more of that overly sweet liquid. Matt pulled a face at the taste, his lip curling back as he struggled to hide his revulsion at the coffee. But as he was setting his cup back onto the table while Foggy continued talking, one other thought suddenly occurred to him.

He still hadn’t gotten your name.

[cupidswurld]

‘the epic love story of sam and dean’ is such a loaded statement and kripke was insane for framing it like that. not bcuz of ‘love story’ bc who CARES when u can focus on the star of the show ‘EPIC’. its true! it is an epic that’s so effing tragic that you know deep down these boys will never be happy, and could never have reached a semblance of true happiness and contentment w their lives in their new reality where normalcy is so far from reach.

like all the epic heroes, their role as protagonists is, foremost, a curse and a burden. yes, they are the heroes, yes, they will have glory, but they will lose so much and suffer so deeply for it. frankly, it’s devastatingly homeric the way that they suffer. look at aeneas! look at achilles! look at their foils, turnus and hector! this becomes most prominent when the angels are introduced and eventually, the Creator, Himself, in spn’s vision. its the age-old story that this would have happened no matter what. yes, they are bound by fate and the gods, but pietas grips them in its teeth and shakes them around like ragdolls.

we see it in aeneas, and book 6 is especially significant with his katabasis and his ability to receive closure from anchises. aeneas, after seeing his father, chooses this fate, but sam and dean are never given this emotional regulation. of course, it doesn’t help in the end, where due to the ministrations of juno (arguably), he is still filled with furor and kills turnus. which brings me to the ending of spn.

fine, i get it. spn is not a classicists wet dream, so why should it end in that way? looking at it through a queer lens, maybe dean could’ve fallen in love with castiel and that would serve as an allegory for the isolation associated with queer relationships. maybe they could’ve been a catharsis. but i truly think the ending was the culmination of 15 years of diluting the soul of kripke’s early seasons spn (which may be considered as another allegory for what queer people face to live authentically), and i wish that they had committed to fulfilling the epic love story of sam and dean. no happy endings, because it has read as a tragedy since the beginning.

spn is steeped with so, so much desperate pietas its insane. for brothers, for fathers, for honour and duty and humanity. spn is just an epic. love is only (always) there because you cannot have an epic without love. love has to be there.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

First heartache is hard; Jack Kline x reader

*Author's note*

Well this only took me two days to write which I do like when I can easily write a story that fast hehehe so @gabrielasilva1510 here is your ANGSTY Jack Kline request.

Warning: MAJOR ANGST, Character death, NO FLUFF AT ALL ONLY HURT, blood, violence (this is supernatural afterall so SPN level of violence). Basically get your tissues ready cause this is a sad one.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queen-paladin

@gay-and-ready-to-cry

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Jack stood outside in the cold night after a long training session with Bobby.  Now that his grace was gone, he had to build up his strength mortally, which meant getting punched and falling down a lot, and getting hurt whilst getting beaten down.  He thought he had felt powerless before, but his mind always went back to what happened that night at the church.  The moment he truly felt powerless.

The night he had lost you.

*Flashback*

Bobby, Mary and (Y/n) stood in the main lobby of the bunker still debating about who in the world would wanna kill Maggie.  After questioning all the hunters from the apocalypse world, they decided that none of them had any motive to hurt her, and that maybe it was just some creep or psycho looking to murder and innocent girl in the woods.

“I mean it’s not uncommon. That’s what happened to my mom’s sister once when they were younger. Some bastard slit her throat, raped her, and dumped her body over the bridge. That’s when I learned that there are more monsters in humanity than there are in the supernatural sense.” (Y/n) said.

“She’s not wrong.” Mary said supporting (Y/n’s) statement.  As Bobby nodded, they soon heard footsteps and that’s when they saw Jack.

“Oh Jack.” (Y/n) sighed with relief but before she could race up to hug him, they were horrified to see Lucifer coming up behind him.

“Hey~” Lucifer greeted with a small wave.

“Kid, what in the sam hell is—?!” demanded Bobby but Jack interrupted him.

“It’s okay. He’s here to help.”

“Him!?” (Y/n) asked exasperatedly.

“Yeah tigress, me.” Lucifer said booping her nose to which she cringed and slapped his arm away from her.  “Okay touchy-touchy Ms. Temper pants.” He said walking away following his son to where Maggie lay dead.

“Call Sam now!” Mary whispered urgently to Bobby as she and (Y/n) followed Lucifer and Jack while Bobby made a call to the boys.

“So you’re leaving dead bodies on tables now? Nice.” questioned Lucifer.

“We were waiting to give her a hunter’s funeral.” (Y/n) said.

“You won’t have to. My father he’s going to bring Maggie back to life.”

“Jack what are you doing?” asked Mary.

“What I have to do. This is my second chance.” Jack answered.

“Jack,” (Y/n) started.  “What happened to Maggie was a horrible thing that never should’ve happened. But it was beyond your control. You couldn’t have known when or where she’d be attacked and murdered.”

“But I promised her I’d keep her safe. All of them.”

“There are some things that you can’t prevent Jack.”

“I’d listen to your little girlfriend son. Plus this whole resurrection thing is kinda tricky. People don’t often come back as themselves.”

“Sam didn’t.” Said Jack.

“Yeah well Sam’s always been a little—in the head to begin with.”

“And like you’re not?” sassed (Y/n).  Lucifer snide at her comment.

“You said you’d do anything.” Jack told him.  The intense look in his eyes soon made Lucifer relent and he did what Jack said he’d do.  Placing his hand on Maggie’s forehead, his eyes glowed red and suddenly Maggie shot up gasping for air.  Immediately, (Y/n) grabbed Jack’s hand and took him out of the room and they came into the kitchen.

“(Y/n) what—”

“What deal did he offer you?” she interrupted him.

“What?”

“Back there, when you told him that he’d do anything you’d ask. What was the deal he offered you?” Jack looked at the harsh stare of her (e/c) eyes and told her.

“We’re gonna see the galaxy together. Like in Star Wars. But I said I’d only go if he helped bring Maggie back.” (Y/n) looked at Jack in shock.

“What? You’re going with him?”

“Well not just me,” Jack stepped forward and took both of her hands into his, gently stroking the back of her knuckles.  “I also said I wanted you to come along too. You always said you wanted to see the stars up close.”

“Jack I—” (Y/n) was a mixture of emotions.  Horror, shock, perplexed, torn, and upset.  “Lucifer he’s…..I can’t.”

“Why not?” Jack asked.

“Jack, there’s nothing in this world that I would like more than to explore the galaxy with you, but with Lucifer tagging along. Something doesn’t sit right with me.”

“He’s changed. He really wants to try (Y/n). Would the old Lucifer have offered you to come along with us?”

“I know that no matter old or new Lucifer, whatever he claims to be now, he’s always gets something out of his deals. And if he doesn’t, he’ll take it anyways.” Jack dropped (Y/n)’s hands, his chest rising and falling as he tried to control his anger.

“Why can’t you be happy for me for once?!”

“Jack I have always been happy for you! Looking out for you! Besides Cas and Sam, I’ve always been the one that’s always in your corner! But you can’t trust what Lucifer says! Believe me I know.”

“Oooo, did I come at a bad time?” Lucifer’s voice spoke out as he peeked his head from the kitchen door before walking inside.

“Get out!” demanded (Y/n).

“I’ll admit son, you at least picked one with fire in her.”

“How the hell did you get back here!?” snapped (Y/n).

“Does it really matter?”

“Let me think, yes it does! Now quit stalling and tell him what you’re really here for!”

“What I’m—listen (n/n) I already told him. I want to take my son to see the galaxies, the stars, hell the entire universe itself. I’m done playing second fiddle to pops and his game. I wanna be removed from the chess board completely and not have to worry about anything than showing my son the wonders of the universe. With you of course by his side if you choose to go.”

“I wouldn’t go anywhere with you if my life depended on it!” (Y/n) snarled with a sneer.  Lucifer shrugged.

“Alright well, there’s no changing your mind. Let’s bounce son.” Jack slowly walked towards him but (Y/n) grabbed his hand and pleaded to him.

“Jack please, don’t go with him. He’s using you.”

“Would you mind stop gaslighting my own son against me? Geez that’s the thing with you women sometimes, especially teenage girls.”

“Jack. Jack please.” Jack turned to her and said.

“He’s my father.” (Y/n) stood there stunned and released his hand and watched hopelessly as the two of them vanished from the kitchen.

“(Y/n)!? (Y/n)!!” soon Bobby came in and he looked around and asked, “Where’s the kid?” (Y/n) buried her face into her hands and wept.  Bobby then walked up and awkwardly wrapped his arms around the weeping girl before bringing her back to rejoin Mary and the newly resurrected Maggie.

When the brothers and Cas returned, they had told that Michael had also somehow managed to come into this world along with Lucifer.  That to (Y/n) struck a chord in how Lucifer must surely been planning something.  There’s absolutely no chance that those two archangels would willingly team-up to escape apocalypse world.  And with Maggie’s death it—it can’t be a coincidence.  She stood up and walked off.

“Uhh (Y/n) where are you going?” asked Dean.

“To talk to Maggie.” Sam immediately took off and stopped her and he said to her, “Hey, hey relax okay? Look mom told us what happened and to interrogate her now while she’s still trying to wrap her mind about being resurrected it—”

“I know Sam. You Winchesters aren’t the only ones to have been resurrected. But I have to know just who killed her. This all is one too big coincidence for them to have come back and Maggie ends up dead the same day they both come through their own rift.”

“You think it was one of them that killed Maggie?”

“Like I said, it’s a hunch but it’s too big of one to ignore.”

“Then let me come with you.”

“You just want to keep an eye on me because of my impatience.” She snapped accusingly.

“That and I also want to find out the truth. Hey,” Sam could sense the anxiety running through (Y/n)’s body about Jack.  “We’re gonna find him.”

“He’s…..” (Y/n) trailed off before confessing her deep secret.  “He’s my best friend. I—I can’t lose him.”

“We won’t. We’ve got everyone looking for them. Now let’s go see about your hunch.” Sam and her walked to where Maggie was sitting in the library trying to process everything that had just happened. “Maggie?” Sam broke her silence as she slightly jumped and turned her attention to Sam who sat down beside her at the table that was once her deathbed.  “Hey, sorry. You okay?”

“I’m alive so…..yes.” she replied.

“Right. So listen, we know this is all weird right now but uhh…..before you died, do you remember anything about the person that killed you?”

“Does it really matter? I mean don’t you guys have a lot bigger Satan-y stuff to deal with right now?”

“Yes but it’s getting handled. For now, just answer Sam’s question.” (Y/n) said.  Maggie took a deep breath in before saying.

“I—never saw his face. But…..I saw his eyes.”

“His eyes?” asked Sam.  Maggie nodded.

“They were—unlike anything I had seen before. Those bleeding red, glowing eyes.” Once they heard that, both Sam and (Y/n) looked at each other in shock.

“I knew it!” (Y/n) muttered under her breath but at that moment, a sudden loud boom sounded off from outside.  It almost sounded like a firework or a bomb had went off close by, then the lights began flickering on and off.  The three of them went to rejoin Dean and the others as the front doors of the bunker began to jostle and bang loudly, like someone was trying to break in. “Ahhh shit.” (Y/n) said under her breath.

“Mom, Bobby, take Maggie out of here through the garage.” Sam said.

“We’ll buy you some time.” Dean said.

“What no!?” Mary said but Sam told her not to argue and soon Bobby had to drag her and Maggie out of the room to make their escape.  (Y/n) came and stood beside Cas who put an arm around her as the doors continue to jostle and the banging grew louder.  The two of them took out their blades as Sam and Dean readied their guns.

After what felt like an eternity, the door finally caved in and fell with a bang as a bright light shone through the bunker.  And soon walking in with his head held high was Michael.  Immediately Sam and Dean began to open fire at the archangel but being what Michael was, the bullets had absolutely no affect on him.  The archangel slowly levitated himself down to the floor from the catwalk entrance and Cas made the first attack with his angel blade.

But Michael easily overpowered Cas and had him flying over the table and across the room, knocking him unconscious.  (Y/n) took out her curved scythes and slashed at Michael.  He dodged each attack until he grabbed (Y/n)’s left wrist and disarmed her before breaking her arm.  She let out an agonizing scream before Michael palm-strike her straight at her chest, sending her flying and slamming into the wall.

“You really thought you could run from me?” sneered Michael.  Sam immediately went on the attack after (Y/n) had been injured but Michael easily overpowered him as well as Dean who more than anyone, put up a fight towards Michael.  But the archangel soon had Dean by the throat.

“How did you—” Dean started to say but Michael interrupted him.

“Get here? Easy. I made a deal. And now this world is mine, I can save it, purge it of sin.”

“Yeah cause that really worked out on your rock.”

“Well I’m not perfect. And yes I made mistakes, but hey second times the charm.” As (Y/n) cradled her broken arm she muttered under her breath in prayer.

“Jack. Jack I don’t know if you’ll even hear this prayer but—we need you. He’s here……Michael is here. Please, help us. He’s gonna kill us.” As Michael and Dean continued to talk back and forth of each other until Michael squeezed Dean’s throat even harder almost to the point where his bones could be heard snapping (but not enough to kill him).

As Dean was starting to slip away under Michael’s grip, the archangel was suddenly thrown back against a pillar by a familiar golden aura of power.  Dean let out a loud intake of air and coughed harshly.  Everyone looked up to see that Jack had come back.

“Jack.” Sam said as he was finally able to stand up.

“I heard your prayers.” Jack only turned to look at (Y/n) and when he had seen the woman he secretly loved hurt, rage slowly began to simmer within him.

“Yeah it’s me, yay. Uhh we done yet buddy?” Lucifer also said as he had appeared behind Jack.  He then tried to get Jack to leave now that Michael had been subdued, but it wasn’t enough for Jack.

First thing he did was walk up to (Y/n), knelt down beside her and healed her broken arm thanks to the teaching he learned from Cas.

“You okay?” he softly asked as he cupped her left cheek.

“For now.” Jack softly smiled but his soft side melted away as anger and rage now consumed him as he turned his attention to Michael.  His eyes glowed as he raised his hand up and slowly walked towards Michael and said angrily.

“You hurt my friends.” Michael let out a pained groan as he hunched forward, almost as if something were burning him from the inside out.  “You hurt my family!” Jack soon yelled as Michael screamed and felt his insides being crushed.  “You hurt (Y/N)!!” as he clenched his hand into a fist now, Michael’s vessel started to bleed from his eyes and his ears.

Everyone, including Lucifer stood there in shock at just how much power Jack held.

“LUCIFER WE HAD A DEAL!!” Michael exclaimed as he slid down to the ground in pain.

“Okay, game over. Hey buddy let’s….let’s split.” Lucifer said with a snap of his fingers wanting to lead Jack away.

“What does he mean?” Jack asked as he turned to his father.  Lucifer began stammering almost trying to play dumb but Dean soon said.

“They had a deal.” Jack then turned to Dean as he continued, “Lucifer gets you, and Michael gets everything else. He’s gonna nuke our world, Jack. Just like he did his.”

“Is this true?” Jack asked his father.

“No! It’s not.”

“Is that why you wanted us to leave? And why you knew (Y/n) wouldn’t come with?”

“Leave? (Y/n) what do you know about this?” Sam asked her.

“Lucifer told him they were going to see the stars. Then Jack said he’d only go with his dad if I got to go with them. But I refused because Lucifer would be the main tag along.”

“What you were just gonna leave the rest of us to burn?” Cas said as he was finally able to stand up after his fight with Michael.

“Okay, okay let’s slow down for a second. Are we forgetting who the real bad guy is?”

“Yeah trying telling that to Maggie dumbass.” (Y/n) snapped.

“What about Maggie?” Jack asked with a crack in his voice.

“You know you’ve done some dumb things Lucifer but even you must’ve known this would turn and bite you in the ass. Jack, Maggie saw the eyes of her killer. The glowing red eyes. Which angel amongst us has eyes like that?”

“Oh come on! Jack are you really gonna believe this girl!? (Y/n) is a hater she’d say anything to get you on their side!” Lucifer tried to point (Y/n) as the bad guy but Jack wouldn’t believe his father over her again, not after the brief pain it had caused him after they had left her behind.

“Tell me the truth!” Jack demanded as his eyes glowed and he held out his hand towards his own father.  Using his powers, he controlled Lucifer’s mind and made him verbally confess how and why he killed Maggie.  He also admitted to how much he enjoyed it.  When Jack released him, he shook his head before saying, “You’re not my father, you’re a monster.”

Lucifer’s impatience was boiling to a head until he finally let out his rage in a powerful scream as he revealed his glowing red eyes.  The scream of the devil shook the entire bunker and the Winchesters and (Y/n) had no choice but to cover their ears less their eardrums explode out of their ears.

“Okay…..I tried with you. I really, really tried with you.”

“Everything you told me was a lie.”

“Because I told you what you wanted to hear man! So what I killed the girl? Big deal! She’s just a human she doesn’t matter!”

“So am I!” Jack snapped.

“Yeah, and that’s your problem. You’re too much like your mother.”

“Jack.” Cas said as he, Sam and (Y/n) started to surround the two of them ready to attack, but Jack told them to stand back and that he’ll handle him.

“Oh yeah? Oh buddy, we could’ve been something you and me. We could’ve remade the universe. We could’ve been better Gods than dad. And I really wanted pal, I wanted that but now—if I can’t have it with you well….I don’t need you. I just need your power.” Suddenly Lucifer used an archangel blade and sliced a small cut on Jack’s throat and began absorbing his grace.

“NO!!!” Cas and (Y/n) cried out.  Once Lucifer had absorbed all of Jack’s grace, he healed the cut on his son’s neck and felt ultimate power surging through him.  Lucifer’s eyes briefly glowed the golden color of Jack’s powers and immediately (Y/n) leapt towards them and with a flash of light, the three of them were gone.

The next thing (Y/n) knew, she fell down to the floor and looked around to see that they had appeared at a small church.

“Really (Y/n)? Hitching a ride, you know you’re taking the term ‘clingy girlfriend’ to a whole new level.”

“Go to fucking hell!” she snarled through her teeth.

“Yeah, yeah been there done that.” Lucifer released his grip on his son and kicked (Y/n) square in the face sending her on her back to the floor.  She briefly rolled across the floor and as she tried to sit up, Lucifer kicked her hard in the ribs.  She let out a groan as she went for her scythe then just as Lucifer was about to stomp on her chest, she slashed his leg.

Being that the material was made of melted angel blades, it managed to cause him pain but not enough to kill him.  She backward rolled and twirled the scythe in her hand as she glared up at the devil.

“I’ll admit, you always were the more fearsome fighter out of the brothers.”

“Growing up alone on the streets of West Philly teaches you a thing or two.” She spat out some blood as she took out her other scythe.  She then charged at the devil, slashing at any chance she got but Lucifer was toying with her as he dodged every single attack that came her way.  After toying with her, he grabbed her wrist and twisted it forcing her to drop her left one first before punching her in the face repeatedly.

Every blow sounded off a broken bone on her face or nose until her mouth and nose were covered in blood.  He then took her by the throat and lifted her up.

“But you’re still human. And humans break easily. Shame though, you could’ve made at least a slightly decent daughter-in-law. But you know, I can always make more and there might be another one like you out there somewhere.” Lucifer then took her right scythe out of her hand and admired it.  “Been nice knowing you tigress.” Then he swung the scythe across her stomach.

Jack who had slowly regained consciousness after losing his grace, woke up to see the woman he loved being held by the throat and saw as his own father kill her with her own weapon.

“NOOOOO!!!” Jack cried out.  Lucifer turned and said.

“Oh good you’re awake.” He then dropped (Y/n) like a ragdoll and as she began to bleed profusely all across her stomach, her body already going into shock at the amount of blood that was already seeping out of her body.

“You—you killed her?”

“Like I said, she’s just a human. There’s dozens more out there like her, but if you’d like, I can let you join her. Classic Romeo and Juliet fashion.” But before Lucifer could do anything, a bright angelic light shone throughout the church and standing there was Dean with Sam close behind him.  The shadow of angel wings coming out from Dean who had accepted Michael as his vessel.

While Dean and Lucifer talked and fought each other, Sam quickly raced over to (Y/n) after seeing her on the ground in her own blood.

“(Y/n)? (Y/n)? Hey, just hang on, keep your eyes open for me okay sweetheart?” Jack came beside her and grabbed her hands.

“I’m sorry (Y/n). I’m so, so, so sorry. I should’ve believed you this is all my fault I-I’m so sorry.”

“Not…….your……f-fa…..” (Y/n) choked out but Sam interrupted her.

“Hey, hey shhh save your strength okay? Jack, take off your jacket and put it on her stomach okay? We have to keep pressure on her wound.”

“It’s—it’s too……” weakly (Y/n) stopped Jack who looked down at her with tears in his eyes.

“No. (Y/n) we’re going to save you. Please let me save you!!”

“You—already…..did.” soon a bright light and a cry of pain echoed throughout the church and as Dean fell to the ground, they watched as Lucifer’s light was extinguished and he lay there dead.

Lucifer was finally dead.

“Is he?” Sam started to ask, almost not believing it to be true.

“He’s dead.” Jack said.  The brothers and Jack couldn’t believe it, finally after all this time Lucifer was finally dead.  Not sealed in the cage, truly dead.

“Dean, you did it.” Sam said.

“No. No man we did it.”

“(Y/n). (Y/n) did you hear that he’s really….” Jack said as he looked down, but something wasn’t right.  Her eyes were still open but there was no life to them, the soft smile was still upon her face but she was as stiff as a board.  “(Y/n)? (Y/n)?” tears began to fill his eyes.  “No, no, no, no, no, no please no!”

“Dean!” Knowing he had Michael’s power, he thought for sure he could heal the wound but just before Dean could make a step, he lurched forward in pain groaning.  “DEAN!!”

“WE HAD A DEAL!!!” Dean cried out before he too went still for a moment.

“Dean?” Sam called his brother again.  Dean rose up but his posture and the look in his eyes were different.  Dean looked around before saying.

“Thanks for the suit.” And then he disappeared, leaving Sam and Jack alone with (Y/n)’s corpse.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n) please wake up! Don’t go please you can’t die!” Jack cried out.

“Jack…..” Sam trailed off.

“There’s hospitals. Human doctors can save her right!? Sam please call them!”

“It wouldn’t do any good. I’m sorry Jack, she’s gone.”

“No she can’t be gone!” Jack picked up (Y/n)’s body and wept into her neck, pleading and begging to anyone above to save her as he wept into her cold neck.

After sending a prayer to Cas about what had happened, Cas found them and brought them back to the bunker so that they could give (Y/n) a proper hunter’s funeral.  As she lay there on the table moments before she would be wrapped up, Jack stood over her utterly broken and lost.

The only thing he could do was lean down and kiss her cold blue lips.  Deep down he had hoped that true love’s kiss would awaken her, just like all those Disney movies and fairytales she had shown him could do.  But this was no fairytale, nor was there a happy ending for them.

“Jack,” Cas voice spoke gently to the grieving young man.  “It’s time.” Jack sniffled and he said.

“I’ll prepare her.” Cas nodded and left Jack to do all the prepping alone.  Once he was done, he carried the wrapped up body of the woman he loved in his arms towards her funeral pyre.  He set the body down on the wood and watched brokenly as the hunters doused her body in gasoline before Sam was the one to light the fuse and burn her body.

As they all watched (Y/n)’s clothed body burst into flames, Jack had no more tears left to spent, but his heart continued to ache him and he would soon be the only one to remain at her pyre even after all the other hunters went back to work to search for Michael.

*End of flashback*

“Jack?” he heard Sam’s voice say.  He felt as Sam came up and stood beside him.  “You okay?”

“As fine as I can be.” Jack said monotonously.

“Look Jack, I know it’s difficult without your grace. But Bobby said you’re really improving and soon you’ll—”

“It’s not that.” Sam looked perplexed for a moment but then realized what he meant.

“Oh.” Jack nodded softly and turned to look back up at the stars.  “Yeah, I miss her too.”

“It’s all my fault.”

“Jack, you can’t blame yourself for what happened. And (Y/n) would sure as hell wouldn’t want you thinking like that.”

“But I—”

“She wouldn’t have done what she did, if you weren’t worth saving. She’s had a rough life before we found her. Trust me.” Jack sniffled and wiped away his tears.

“It hurts so much Sam. My heart it—it’s like…..a werewolf had taken it, tore it apart slowly and then put it back in my chest with no way to fix it. Why? Why does it hurt so much?!” Jack gripped his chest as he lowered his head and sobbed.  Sam cautiously reached out and brought the young Nephilim to his chest, resting his head on top of his.

“I know what you mean Jack. Long ago when I thought I had finally gotten out of the hunter’s life, I found a girl I had fallen for. Jessica, oh she was a force of nature. And—I was gonna eventually ask her to marry me. Once I had finished law school and everything. But when I came back she—it tore me apart too. I went through the exact same heartache you’re going through now. It’s tough losing the woman you love.”

“I never—even got to tell her.” Jack whimpered.

“She knows. Believe me, women like her and Jess, they always know. And it’s also probably why she did what she did.”

“How do you do it Sam?” the two of them looked at each other as Jack whimpered brokenly as a few tears slipped down his face, “How do you continue to live when they’re gone?”

“One day at a time Jack. One day at a time.” Sam brought Jack’s head back over his heart and rocked the young man comfortingly as Sam let a few tears of his own slip out, also mourning for the loss of the young woman whom he called sister for so many years.

[just-a-sleepy-idiot]

Hmm... Death comforting a gender neutral Reader who is one of his brothers' child (though brain keeps imagining the child of Pest, you can do whichever feels best. Also doesn't need to be a child reader, them being an adult works)? Perhaps during the apocalypse/nearing its end and Reader is worried about their family's safety should the Winchesters not succeed? Perhaps their worry causes problems with power control?

I finally finally completed this request! I hope you like it my dude <3 I appreciate you and your support a lot

SPN Death Drabble: Comforting the child of Pest because they’re worried for their family

The Horsemen of the Apocalypse were upon the world, and with them so did you rise up to wander the earth once again with them. You weren’t known to the Bible or other writings of the church, you were the only mortal connection that existed to them because you were the child to one of them. 

Your father was none other than Pest, the Horseman who kept on appearing on earth in a steady rhythm. But he would always bear the name of the disease he first created, the one that nearly wiped out the European population in Medieval times. 

The Winchesters slowly came to understand than everything in the Bible might as well be true and exist as Angels and Demons kept on interviewing in their lives. But the Horsemen.. they were something so foreign, something so hard to grasp that they wouldn’t have believed them to be true. And yet.. Lucifer started to summon them one by one. 

Your father was among them, and you were finally reunited with him after the long slumber all of them have been put in. 

And with them appearing again so did your powers. The power than you had inhibited from your father when you were born to a normal woman. That way you both held the power within you that had the world succumb to illness as well as the ability for immunity to said diseases. 

Lucifer had the Horsemen emerge again, but they were not free. The Devil expected them to follow suit with his hatred of Humanity, but with that he gravely misunderstood their nature. They all contributed to the Apocalypse, to Humanities demise, but they were just as natural and inherent to the world as any other Entity. Just because something caused grief didn’t mean it was bad by nature. But your powers scared you nonetheless, the thought that your family would be endangered in this unnaturally triggered process of destruction, puppeteered by Lucifer, made you feel overwhelmed with yourself and your powers.

You had never actually met your him until then, the oldest of them all. Older than god himself and all that came after. Yet the moment he came into the nearly empty Cafe you were sat in as the Storm outside swelled dangerously, sweeping across the streets and knocking over people, cars and streetsigns- the moment you saw him you felt a familiarity in your soul. A blossoming, instant trust.

The Barista dropped to the floor, glass shattered. He picked up a Cup of Coffee from the table of a Customer that was now dead as well, walking around to take a seat across from you. „Y/n.“ You weren’t sure if it was a greeting or a statement. „We didn’t have an addition to the family since World war one. You may be able to guess which one of my brothers fathered a child during that time.“ He leaned his cane against the table, his movements fluent and composed as he took a sip of the coffee.

„Uncle..“ you breathed. A part of you was nervous, the human part most likely, and yet- „I don’t know why, but I‘m very glad you are here.“ Death looked on calm as he always did, but his eyes softened at your words. It was rare, only creatures in agony welcomed his presence and service to the world. But you genuinely meant what you were saying.

„I felt that your energy is disrupted.“ He said. You lowered your head, it was true. „I‘m scared about my family, I don’t know what will happen. My powers seem to malfunction too now, when I‘m anxious I keep casting out disease! I try to keep it down, I tried in so many ways but once I slip for just a moment it gets worse and worse. It feels like I‘m playing into what Lucifer wants, and not who we are. What if my father, what if all of you…“ you felt a knot in your throat and blinked at the tears that welled up inside of you. „What if there is nothing I can do and.. in the end I‘m all left alone?“ You admitted to him, to which he responded with a knowing nod. „I see.“ You both looked out into the storm for a moment, rain started drumming against the window.

„We are forces of nature, and nature isn‘t only nurture towards this world but also destruction. You don‘t need to expect yourself to be fully in control at all times, because look at us all now. Imbalance is part of existence at times, but we will eventually claim our autonomy back. Neither humanity nor yourself can deny any part of who you are, and if you don’t trust yourself to let yourself be whatever you naturally occur to be.. it only causes more loss of control.„ You looked up at him, his dark eyes had authority yet they also offered clarity and the kind of calm that only the finality and eventuality of life could offer. „Nothing is inherently good or bad, those are simply judgements, but not a reflection of who you really are.“ Tears rolled down your cheeks, you nodded and sniffed. He was right.. „And.. what if the Winchesters fail?“

Death reached out to you and closed his slender hands over yours, „None of us are are truly a puppet of Lucifer, and as long as there is life there is us. He may have us spellbound right now, but he is just an angel. He has limits, and none can control nature forever.“ You squeezed his hands, you couldn‘t help yourself from the tears anymore. You were shaking quietly, and lowered your head to the table. It was so overwhelming, and until now you had no one to talk to about this because your father was out of reach. Lucifer send him someplace you didn‘t know, famine and war as well.

Everyone was gone but.. Death had found you. Not only did he know where you were, he approached you too to.. help. He was looking out for you. One of his hands came up to put the hair that was veiling your face behind your ears. „I promise it will eventually come together again. We are scattered now, but it is only a matter of time until we are fully restored and free again. Until then.. you can come with me. And I will find your father.“ You looked up again, gasping quietly as your tears subsided. „You.. thank you, Uncle.“ A slight notion of a smile settled on his face at the name, Death huffed quietly and nodded. „Let us go now.“

[krzsugargirl]

Supernatural was an enormous part of my personality at one point. this tumblr became active as a spn fan page and morphed into a destiel page. I loved Cas since before i watched a single episode of the show and once I did i loved misha collins for his work as an activist and his struggle during his upbringing and how he worked through it.

This response is so disgusting and I will never support him or anyone who agrees with him. He chose to speak up and this is the language he uses? “An actual genocide” - I am appalled. To hear this same rhetoric from him is absurd. An intelligent man who has always been politically active. The callousness behind his language when speaking of an ACTUAL ONGOING and MODERN GENOCIDE is deliberate. How do you downplay this genocide and then ask people to “choose their words very carefully”? Sick individual.

I hope he rots until he finds the will to learn about the history behind the genocide. I hope he will retract his statements and raise awareness to the truth.

This to me, and hopefully many other supernatural and misha collins fans, is irredeemable. No amount of nostalgia will ever excuse him in my eyes.

[lol-jackles]

Whenever Anons tell me that Jared fans are just as bad as AAs and hellers, I always ask for receipts.

The reason they won't ever be able to provide this (besides the ones Jai & co have been exposed as having faked to frame Jared fans...) is they don't exist (I know you know this lol, just making a general statement). The thing is, AA's are soooo beyond sensitive that they literally think saying we don't like Jensen's outfit at a con, or that he looks tired, or that he's had botox is "hate". You say anything even remotely critical about Jensen? You must hate him. They take such personal offense to things that are barely a slight to Jensen as hate.

Jared fans on the other hand, have had over 16 years of dealing with the hate and insults and biting their tongues. They have a much thicker skin. They are getting more assertive and pushing back more nowadays, but they still had to stay quiet for 15 years to keep the peace because, for some reason, it fell on them (much like it falls on Jared).

Btw this is exactly how and why I left the Jensen fandom completely. I was a Jensen leaning J2 fan when I joined the fandom. Problem was that I didn't immediately turn on blinders to Jensen's behavior when I joined (like a good little Jensen fan is expected to). So I made a mildly critical comment about him and was dogpiled. I was told I wasn't a real fan and that I actually hated him and was just pretending to like him. I was called some pretty gross stuff and told I wasn't wanted there. And from people I really didn't expect (at the time I didn't expect it at least). That's when I realized there weren't a lot of "safe spaces" in the Jensen fandom and it was exhausting trying to get news about him from sites where I also had to see (tagged) Jared hate and them attacking other fans like me. It was just easier to not bother anymore.

I actually saw a few posts recently from TB/GenV fans who were really annoyed that Jensen had a cameo in GenV because it's annoying how he takes over and all the gifsets and everything are all him. They didn't want him on the spinoff because that was a show mostly safe from his fans. It took them less than one season to piss off TB and GenV fans. Jared fans put up with it for 15 years.

Thank you for sharing your history. This completely jives with the many private convo I had with Dean/Jensen fans laminating the lack of safe space within their fandom that doesn't include Destiel and/or hating on Sam/Jared (X) but also expected to never discuss Dean or Jensen other than a perfect victim because AAs viewed themselves as perfect victims that the world must change and cater to them. The only advice I could provide them was to go to original posts by Sam girls (because at least they respect the show's canon) and look at who are reblogging or liking with Dean's avatar or his name.

Yeah I never understood why it fell on Sam girls to keep the fandom peace by appeasing the demented Sam haters. Just like it fell on Jared to protect Jensen from Destiel hellers' campaign to slander Jensen as a homophobe (*wave hello to MallorytoyourMickey aka Heidi aka High-D aka my buddy!*) but they won't protect Jared from slanderous lies spread by their own fandom on social media.

Which is why AAs, hellers, and even Kripke get the shock of their lives when Sam/Jared girls do strike back because they're like cats - chill and indifferent but have murder mittens and Freddy Kruger hands when rudely poked.

I’ve joked that Jared’s stans’ response to the Prequel debacle was “I’VE BEEN FREED!"  They no longer have to support and defend Jensen especially now that SPN is over, then the Prequel debacle was the cherry on top because it gave them the ultimate permission to no longer do the geek social fallacy thing. And I like to think that Dean fans are also free from Ackles Army's death grip of the character now that they're moving on to The Boys fandom.

Speaking of which, I'm not surprised to hear TB/GenV fans are annoyed by the AAs. The soap opera and SPN fandom couldn't stand them, why would TB fandom be any different? As long as AAs view themselves as perfect victims, they don't believe they need to change their attitude.

[walkergirlsposts]

I'm moving to where I blame the fans. Jensen was trying for a measured response that he wasn't happy about his character dying, no one has to be happy if they love a character who dies. But that was the first half. People who hate the finale always glom on him trying to establish empathy without ever moving on to listen to where his opinion evolved. Multiple statements after it aired of being proud of the work didn't help, so it never will.

Of course he wasn't happy. He wanted SPN to continue for years. And unfortunately AAs love to scream out, PREACH IT KING, before we hear the rest. And they'll never care about the times he said he was proud of it.

[eisforeidolon]

I always see this phenomenon. Do you also find it strange that mentality also trickles down to the actor? Jensen gets treated the same way. Which to me brilliantly highlights how stans are unable to disengage from media and get back to reality. Jensen isn’t actually Dean. He’s not supposed to be dying for Jared. He’s not supposed to be catering to Misha. SPN actually isn’t real life…. To your point, the Misha/Cas stans are actually losing the small territory they thought they owned. There’s so much actual representation in media now that their wails and whines don’t carry any weight (not that they carried much to begin with) I’ve seen people outside of SPN fandom rail on destiel for being total bait and not even good bait.

@holding-out-for-hea

Addressing this in a new post because I go on a bit (as per usual).

I have always found fans who treat actors like they're fictional characters rather disturbing. Whether we're talking in the sense of seeing them as actually being their characters (it's a job, ffs) or in the sense of thinking the RPF fans write must be trufax (you don't know these guys, ffs). Or both! It is an indicator of someone who has problems separating fiction and reality and strikes me as just creepily dehumanizing at its core. To be clear, I'm not talking about fans who are genuinely joking around, but I feel like sometimes the line can get so easily blurred between joking and “joking” I personally prefer to avoid even that for the most part.

As to the latter, yeah, that's why I've always scoffed at the assertion SPN's legacy was going to ultimately be heller positive in any significant way.

The first problem is that to believe D/C was ever a thing (or going to be a thing) in the canon pretty fundamentally required a deep dive into the fandom for the ship. Even if you wanted to, it's a lot harder to take meta whose underlying thesis is predicated on the existence of totally real signposts about the obviously intended ending of the show seriously when the ending of the show has aired and was so hilariously Not That. It's a lot harder to fully immerse yourself in an echo chamber of true belief when there's no active and prolific new reinterpretation content to be surrounded by on a weekly basis. It's a lot easier to see how cynically bait-y and baseless Misha's statements about the canon and Castiel's final scene were, given the nothingburger that's actually there. At the heart of it, so much of the necessary credulity relies on there being an active community to bolster it with years of sunk cost investment and ready-made nonsensically elaborate conspiracies to explain why it was totally going to happen but didn't.

The second problem is the hellers remain hung up on insisting D/C was some kind of uniquely important cause that NEEDED to be canon because it was fundamentally more important than not only SPN's actual premise on the strength of platonic love, but better representation than any other show's potential LGBT+ romances … because reasons. Aside from the usual arguments why that's absurd, i.e. it's just their personal obsession speaking and they constantly insist their ship is "proved" through toxic stereotypes which actually underlines the opposite of what they intend? They have also really showed their asses by vocally and obnoxiously crying it's totally unfair and doesn't measure up to what SPN could totes have done if they weren't cowards when other media canonizes popular ships like with Good 0mens. As you say, the more time that passes the more common it's going to be to have genuine, well-written LGBT+ love stories incorporated into new canons to be contrasted against D/C fandom's 'two dudes who were never each other's first priority, often treated each other like shit, and explicitly stated their feelings were familial … but looked at each other + obvious jokes = the greatest love story (n)ever told and the writers owed me!'. Even to someone completely unfamiliar with SPN and therefore unaware they entirely queerbaited themselves despite the show's content? The longer ago the show ended the more irrelevant and unimportant to good representation the ship not being canonized becomes, when it wasn't particularly relevant to begin with. Sure they got some sympathy from the unaware about That Scene followed by an angel-free final two episodes (though a lot of the buzz was just memeing the scnee because it was That Cringe even sans context), but now? Why not go watch something else that actually has representation instead of whining about a show from 2005 that ended in 2020, after all? It's old news, if you hated it that much there's newer better LGBT+ content out there being made every day!

So yeah, not only is there no there there, especially in comparison to any real love story? But the most obnoxious shippers continuing to loudly make genuine real life issues and other canons' legitimate LGBT+ representation about their bestest realest most totally canonest ship ever D/C that they were also totally cheated out of? It can only become even more obviously ludicrous and self-serving - and it was pretty blatant to anyone with a modicum of discernment and familiarity with shipper behavior to begin with.

[kajaono]

Since GO2 dropped I am thinking a lot about Johnlock and Destiel lately

GO2 proved how easy it would been to make them canon if you stop being a twat about your own characters

GO2 imo also proved that the romantic subtext we saw in BBC Sherlock and SPN was really there, we didn’t imagined things. The writers were just too narrow minded to see it themselves. Those shows could have had an gay twist easily… with the right writer

And honestly? That takes away a lot of bitterness imo. That may sound paradox, but imo our outrage after those messy endings made shows like OFMD and GO2 possible. We proved SPN and BBC Sherlock wrong. There is an audience for those storylines. And it was good that we were loud! That we kept on pushing, with every new episode being released.

Without SPN and BBC Sherlock we maybe wouldn’t be here today. And I am honestly seeing a brighter queer future ahead of us

Maybe SPN and BBC Sherlock would be different if you would write them today, we may never know. But in my heart they will always be queer. That Mofftiss and the SPN-crew were never able to see that, is not my fault.

Disclaimer: I am mentioning GO and not OFMD because GO1 was so similar to SPN and BBC Sherlock. „They are just best friends, everything else is up to interpretation“ and then Neil proved how easily this statement can be changed, if you are open minded enough

[shallowseeker]

Deep down, I think AU Michael wanted Jack by his side.

Having an enemy like Jack was probably the most direction he’d felt in ages. It gave his aimless war structure... like a sense of pseudo-purpose.

///

It was a balm against all that nihilism, if only because Jack was something concrete to strive against.

///

AU Michael’s nihilism is his outward response to grief. It grew out of God abandoning him, and because killing Lucifer was a sacrifice that meant nothing in the end.

But what makes it so compelling is that Michael's secret, inward wound seems to be a deep loneliness, a hunger for companionship. And that comes out... in his interactions with Jack.

In 14x01, Michael tests the people around him with the question, "What do you want?" If their wants are predictable and manageable, they’re easier to keep at an emotional arm’s length. (Easier NOT to be disappointed by.)

(SEE: This is also a Chuck and Amara theme. ALSO SEE: Metatron and Chuck in Don't Call Me Shurley.)

And...

Humans are too lost / too complicated / too real (SEE: Michael does VERY badly with contradictions and nuance):

Angels-"soldiers" are too armored / too homesick / too wound up waving the flags of things they don't care about to cover up all the things they care about TOO MUCH.

AU Michael doesn't want people that are attached to the idea of home, a family (i.e. people who are traditionally more like Dean or Cas)

AU Michael thinks he wants people who are fully committed to his cause—people who don’t care about redemption, who aren’t trying to fix their families or make peace with their pasts, and who don’t want to save the world….

He believes that makes them strong. But really, this is a companion who just wants to be supported. Not challenged. (Not lived with, through all of life's disappointments and complexities.)

It works for missions because:

It's (poughkeepsie) "Pure" and "Simple."

///

Because here's. The thing.

Despite Michael's modus operandi being revealed as NIHILISM...

And despite him wanting to be surrounded with all these loyal companions...

…what he wants REALLY wants is the complicated mess of FAMILY.

The one thing he never honestly asks himself... is what what he HIMSELF wants deep down.

(SPOILER: it's not as simple as destruction and revenge...)

In a very Sam-coded fashion, I think Michael's disdain is a mirror.

I think what he hates in humans and angels is what he hates in himself. Like humans, he doesn’t really know what he wants beyond nihilism and revenge on his father. He's lost, too.

And though he’d never admit it, like angel-soldiers, he’s homesick.

But… he can never go home, because he destroyed his home…

…and everyone he loved.

///

If what AU Michael really longs for is family—it becomes clear why he’s so fixated on Jack…

…and why he’s so cruel to Jack...

Michael is being "sarcastic" here, but he's ALSO revealing his hand.

He’s actually totally transparent about it, in the way only someone deeply in denial can be.

When Jack says, “No. I hate you,” it vexes Michael, even if he won't admit it.

Make no mistake, Michael’s following lecture about power is a secret appeal to Jack.

“You'll see it all... with me,” is the hand showing itself again... and why Michael REALLY wanted to kidnap Jack.

It's why Michael can't help but pivot next to the ones he's actually jealous of: Cas, Sam, Dean.

And Jack's faith in them... is also vexing.

///

14x09 (via @spnscripthunt-inactive)

"A moment of familial weakness," Michael later admits.

He's bragging about his superiority to the humans / Cas because it irritates him that Jack is more loyal to THEM than he is to Michael.

And of course, there's the elephant in the room: The most painful thing in the universe for AU Michael to face WOULD OF COURSE be a father that loves a son. A family that loves and is loyal to each other despite all the complexities, negativities, and imperfections.

And it's why he gets so vicious with Jack, too, in the next scene:

(It's why this -> "They don't love you.")

WHICH IS OF COURSE AU MICHAEL CODE FOR:

"Despite all my bluster and my nihilism, it upsets me you don't want ME as your family."

(A) I'm going to pretend that I never kidnapped you and wanted to be your family in the first place

(B) family is a JOB anyway it doesn't matter... Lucifer was an obligation that I do NOT MISS... NOPE NOTHING TO SEE HERE

(C) Actually, now that I think about it, I really want to hurt you for not picking ME, Jack

All in all...

Jack was the first thing in a long time... that gave AU Michael's endless nightmare life some meaning.

[voiceoffenrisulfr]

FIC WRITING REVIEW 2023

Thank you @loki-is-my-kink-awakening for coming up with this!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

(I just copied @foxywrites)

Words and Fics

608,490 words published in 2023

10 fics worked on

6 completed fics

most productive month: July with 241,381 words

monthly words average: 50,708 words

Words Written per Fandom

Supernatural - 10,725

Pirates of the Carribean - 52,753

Marvel Cinematic Universe - 545,012

Top 5 by Comments

Multitudes - 286

Magic and Madness - 146

Becoming Spider-Man - 46

With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear - 36

From Street to Ship - 10

Top 5 by Kudos

Becoming Spider-Man [kudos:164]

From Street to Ship [kudos: 147]

Multitudes [kudos: 99]

Salvation [kudos: 35]

With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear [kudos: 22]

Top 5 by Hits

Multitudes [hits: 4,499]

From Street to Ship [hits: 3,137]

Becoming Spider-Man [hits: 2,722]

Magic and Madness [hits: 1,678]

Salvation [hits: 733]

Fandom Events in 2023

I discovered fandom events in July, I've never finishe- no, that's a lie!

July Break Bingo! (31/07)

Upcoming Plans

Fic's I'm hoping to finish writing/complete next year:

[MCU] On the Tide

[MCU] With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear

[MCU] Silver & Gold

[MCU] Hail Hydra

Fic's that I'd abandoned at some point, which I'm hoping to return to this year:

[SPN] Salvation

Writing Reflection

Finding JBB was a revelation, and very much accounted for our absolute mania in July. We now have a delightful collection of 700+ bingo prompts spread across too many boards to remember, and it's giving us so much motivation! We've started foraying into works written more for us, though, so we 100% expect less engagement over the next twleve months... But that's okay, because writing them has been an absolute delight.

The goal of this year is to finish the current four WIPS mentioned above! And hoooooopefully hit 500,000 words again... Though there's also a novel we should start. Oops.

Tagging some of my favourite authors: @buckys-wintersoldier, @gammacousin, @42donotpanic, @mrsbarnesblog, @un-unavoidableanxiousball

There's something important to be said, though. The most important thing, for us, that came out of this year wasn't the words. It was the very specific, 'pretty prevelant' commenter that found Multitudes a third of the way through after looking for something different. This... Amazing, beautiful person, making great statements of philosophy and shrewd insights through a computer screen at three am (leading us to wonder "Are you okay or do you need therapy-"). This person who Lia adorably demanded become our friend, and subsequently, we fell head over heels in love with. What's 153 miles (or ~207, given I'm not a crow) when you find the person - or rather, people - you've been looking for? @unfortunatebeetleandfriends Our Bug, our beloved... We can't wait to see you again. We will love you as long as we live. Lieutenant, Yoshitsune - y'all were unexpected, but just as much as a goddamn blessing, and we'll see you in 16 days and 22 hours. All of our love, forever and always, infinitely and endlessly. Thank you for deciding to backscroll.

[dothwrites]

as far as season premieres go, this one is... okay? i thought we were getting zombie apocalypse and i got weird boring daytime ghosts. bloody mary is THEE scariest episode of spn but man, spn forgot how to make stuff scary somewhere along the way because the ghosts in this episode just look... like cosplayers who got lost

but that being said the PATHOS in this episode gives me some good fucking food. the way that cas is SO very careful with jack's body. like. that's his KID. and he had to watch him die. and he couldn't do anything. and it was his dad that killed him. and this is cas losing the very last bit of his faith. and cas smiting things will never cease to be amazing. but we're concentrating on the SAD here.

cas' "well i wouldn't starve" is SO VERY BITCHY. and he has every right to be at this point.

dean is doing an AWFUL lot of hindsight declarations. first he always knew that jack would go bad and then he always knew that chuck would go bad. he is very conveniently rewriting his own history and it is a very interesting choice for him to make.

cas lifts that giant slab of stone above his head and all i can do is have a dean winchester "SO STRONG" moment. (so STRONG!)

cas having to watch a demon parade around wearing the corpse of his kid is... he is literally going through one of the worst experiences of his life. and sam and dean are pretty much completely ignoring it and telling him to suck it up and get over it. and then he's ORDERED to give up his blood. cas is no longer "always happy to bleed for the winchesters" and you know what? HE'S RIGHT!

this is why the divorce arc is SO necessary (in my opinion). cas has reached a point where he has NO autonomy with the winchesters. dean, and to an extent sam, are treating him like a soldier--like how john treated them. they're giving him orders and expecting him to obey them. cas has lost EVERYTHING--his son, his family, his faith--and sam and dean don't acknowledge his loss or his pain. they expect him to get over it and do his job--follow their orders. and that is why it is so VITAL that cas leave.

cas' pain being so much that he can't even stand to be in the car with dean and belphagor... he is HURTING! he is in TRAUMA! (and i guess everyone else is too but cas is the only one who is visibly showing it, other than dean making a "whoopsie" statement in the crypt)

good to know that cas doesn't need to touch people to heal them. he just does that for dean because dean is ✨special✨. and when it comes time to fix sam cas is like "ew yucky" and makes sure to keep a good five inches between his hand and sam's body

these broad daylight ghosts are stupid

though cas being pissy because sam shot him is fun. see, that's why cas doesn't touch you when he heals you, sam. all i can think about in this scene watching cas run is misha running on his shitty old man hips and his brand new shiny titanium hips

and then belphagor mocking cas over dean's treatment over him... dean not being able to keep himself from coming to cas but immediately forcing himself away... AH IT'S SO PAINFUL. i love it.

[aapex--predator]

this is my main-blog superhub for likes & random crap

a little about me:

i'm vincent, he/him, 20 something and a lover of all things gross, perverse, and otherwise disturbing :)

sideblogs:

cold1dead1eyes ~ my whump writing

boywifesammy3 ~ spn/wincest

apex-aestheticblog ~ an old aesthetics blog

i write on ao3 as apex__predator! my main themes are gay horror-romance, non-con, gore, trauma exploration and psychological manipulation/mindbreak.

due to its possibly triggering nature, i am meticulous about tagging my content appropriately. if the tags bother you, then don’t read it. i am an adult who writes kink content for other adults. if you are a minor, i kindly ask that you don't interact with my nsfw writing.

i am open to respectful and open-minded discussion about hard-kink literature, but i will NOT engage in debates or yelling matches. if you don't like me, just block me.

if you cannot differentiate fiction from reality, i DO NOT want you interacting with me. period. my writing is often dark but i do not condone rape, assault, abusive incest or any other such subject IRL. this goes without saying. dark literature is an outlet for me to explore these concepts in a safe and controlled manner, not any sort of statement about my moral or political values. the complex psychological effect of trauma is diverse and my writing is never supposed to speak for the experiences of others. ultimately, writing is a way for me to explore emotions & difficult topics in a comfortable medium, and i want it to be the same for all of my readers. my stories are always meant to thrill, not harm!

that's all :) come be weird on the internet with me and don't be afraid to send me an ask or message

[storm-and-starlight]

Oh, absolutely, I 100% agree that fanfic has huge amounts of interiority, "looking at the characters' thoughts that we never get to see" is a huge part of why it's written! What I'm referring to with "fanfiction bad habits" (if they can even really be called that, because they're not always bad habits if you're actually writing fic!) is stuff like overdescription of appearance or gesture. Fic authors are trying to indicate that the character on the page is the same character as is on the screen, and part of what is distinctive about the character on the screen is their appearance/physicality. For instance, in SPN Sam Winchester has long(ish) hair as... more of an appearance note than anything else? you can dig for character meaning but the show really doesn't do that, but it's one of the most iconic elements of his character, so it gets referenced in fic a LOT and often in places where on a technical level it's either unnecessary or actively slows down a scene. Same goes for trying to exactly describe character outfits. If you switch to original prose and aren't trying to match a character who primarily exists in visual media, you don't need to be constantly describing their hairstyle or walk or appearance, but the habit is there and might be hard to notice or break.

HOWEVER I also completely agree with your statement that a lot of authors (ahem ahem SANDERSON) are writing like they really want to make a movie or TV show, I don't have anything to add but. yeah. that's definitely something I've noticed as well.

A lot of fiction these days reads as if—as I saw Peter Raleigh put it the other day, and as I’ve discussed it before—the author is trying to describe a video playing in their mind. Often there is little or no interiority. Scenes play out in “real time” without summary. First-person POV stories describe things the character can’t see, but a distant camera could. There’s an overemphasis on characters’ outfits and facial expressions, including my personal pet peeve: the “reaction shot round-up” in which we get a description of every character’s reaction to something as if a camera was cutting between sitcom actors.

When I talk with other creative writing professors, we all seem to agree that interiority is disappearing. Even in first-person POV stories, younger writers often skip describing their character’s hopes, dreams, fears, thoughts, memories, or reactions. This trend is hardly limited to young writers though. I was speaking to an editor yesterday who agreed interiority has largely vanished from commercial fiction, and I think you increasingly notice its absence even in works shelved as “literary fiction.” When interiority does appear on the page, it is often brief and redundant with the dialogue and action. All of this is a great shame. Interiority is perhaps the prime example of an advantage prose as a medium holds over other artforms.

fascinated by this article, "Turning Off the TV in Your Mind," about the influences of visual narratives on writing prose narratives. i def notice the two things i excerpted above in fanfic, which i guess makes even more sense as most of the fic i read is for tv and film. i will also be thinking about its discussion of time in prose - i think that's something i often struggle with and i will try to be more conscious of the differences between screen and page next time i'm writing.

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 14x09 The Spear 

“Must be Michael” “I don’t think i’ve ever had a good time in Kansas City” “Looks like these people aren’t having a good time, either” “the fuck is wrong with their teeth, man? Oh yeah these are the Michael Monsters” “huh” “Garth’s there to do a job and betray Michael, or he’s serious, and it’s a bad plot line to get him killed so they don’t have to pay Garth anymore” laughter “kinda funny” “Why would he need the decoder ring?” “Wait - Garth is doing a job now?” “that’s right - he half turned into Bobby or something” “How did we not know about this until now?” “still never understood the title from the previous episode” “fkn asshole” “god that sounded nerdy. Big Michael stuff going down soon. Sounds like a social media post. Stay tuned for more details” “what the fuck? I wouldn’t have understood that anyway” “don’t we get Lucifer back already? We never closed that arc. Sick of this Michael crap” “Have you considered that if Jack gets hurt, he loses his soul?” “Did Jack do that for real? I don’t know the terms of the deal. Any magic or any time he gets hurt? Maybe a little column A and B?” “Dude the homeless guy who sleeps in here at night is going to shit himself when he sees both of you running around with your weapons” “that’ll get you” “that’s not good. A little too easy for them” “Dude at this point why bother letting Sam live?” “Fkn idiot” “that was easy” “going to answer the cell phone, and she’s going to be gone. Yeah, that was easy” “Man they wouldn’t have written the shit like this if it weren’t for commercials” “how they cut it, ya know?” “at this point, doesn’t everyone on the planet know that monsters exist? Or is this some sort of conspiracy thing?” “those look like really heavy earrings. It can’t be comfortable” “you’re already an archangel. I don’t understand the statement jewelry but I guess I don’t have to” “Ok. That was good, but he wasn’t supposed to go in alone” “You went into where Michael is alone? Couldn’t even wait for backup?” “just kill his ass” “you’re just wasting your time at this point” “even as werewolf with super powers…he’s still…” “Why aren’t we running yet?” “really? This is the part where you pack up and leave” “pick it up dammit. That’s always the most frustrating shit when they drop stuff” “fkn stab a bitch already. God you always wait so long” “that’s not good” “God I’m so over this Michael thing” “ok”