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godmadeaterribleerror · 2 months

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Chapter 6 - I've Been Searching for a Fortified Defense

Series Masterlist

Author's Note: As we begin our first 5-digit word count chapter (I can’t be stopped, someone take away my keyboard) and I find a stride of about two chapters per week, I want to say that: A) I fully intend on finishing this story. I plotted out the whole thing before I started, have made a few adjustments given the pacing I’ve done so far, and with how it’s broken down right now we’ll reach the end in 2-3 months. B) Thank y’all from the bottom of my heart for reading! If you have theories or thoughts or feedback please don’t hesitate to share them! I love hearing what you think of the plot and the characters, and every interaction means the world to me. Whether you’re only reading or leaving comments as well, thank you so damn much. I’ll see you next chapter (it’s gonna be a doozy) <3

Chapter Title from Bells in Santa Fe by Halsey.

Word Count: 11.2k

Chapter Summary/Warnings: You throw a punch, and Phase One: Operation Quick and Bald goes. Not well, but it goes. Contains usual tags.

Read on A03!

Chapter 5 - Chapter 7

Taglist: @lordofthunderthr @kritara

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Ben dodged the third punch in a row, grinning widely right up until the fourth one landed on his face.

“Ha!” She yelled, drawing back to shake her first out. “Take that, you weirdly fast man.”

Ben rolled his eyes, rubbing his face lightly. It hadn’t hurt—he’d barely even felt it—but She was being real fucking smug for someone who’d only just landed a hit after a damn week of attempting to do so.

“Yeah, sure, Sunshine. Keep it the fuck up, and at this rate it’ll only take you another couple thousand years to surpass Muhammad Ali.”

She raised her brows at Ben, pausing with a tilt of her head. “You were a fan of Muhammad Ali?”

He nodded, giving her a scrunched look of annoyance. “I’m a fucking American, and there ain’t nothing more red-blooded American than punching commies like that son of a bitch did.”

“What?”

“When he fought the Russian, and won. That’s fucking American.”

“Ben, you’re thinking of the plot of Rocky IV.”

“No, Muhammad Ali fought that Russian pussy and kicked his fucking ass.”

“No, Sylvester Stallone fought the Russian pussy and kicked his fucking ass. In a movie.” She laughed to herself. “I’m shocked you even saw Rocky IV, let alone were so impacted by it to let the plot override your knowledge of a real life person.”

“Shut up,” Ben grunted, moving his hands back to a defensive stance. She fucking always won these stupid arguments, and Ben couldn’t actually prove it, but he knew She was changing the fucking internet she loved so damn much to match her claims. “Go again.”

“Someone missed nap time.” She muttered under her breath, even though she knew Ben could fucking hear her, but put her fists up anyways. “Can this be the last one? I’m hungry.”

Instead of answering, Ben just launched himself at her, and She jumped to the side with a yelp.

“What the fuck, Ben!”

He turned and threw another punch, feeling pleased at the smooth way she ducked away and met it with a punch of her own. Her face had lost the pissy shock, laser-sharp concentration replacing it. Her eyes were narrowed, darting across Ben as he moved, her bobbing and weaving wasn’t entirely shit, and her heart was controlled with her breathing. She landed her second punch, this one on his shoulder, and Ben laughed, delivering one of his own.

“Christ, Sunshine, you’re fucking weak.” He laughed, examining Her carefully for any loss of control.

“I’ll kill you with my bare hands, Bitch.” She growled, lunging forward and grunting in frustration as Ben dodged with ease.

“That’s my line.” He taunted. “And you couldn’t even kill a man with an assault rifle if he was a fucking foot away from you.”

“Blow me.”

“I’ve been fucking trying- Fuck!” She landed her third punch, and it burned. Ben reached to touch where she’d hit and felt the skin mending across his jaw.

She was grinning in a wide, toothy, satisfied way. “Suck on that, cunt.”

“Bitch,” he muttered, looking down at his hand to see it raw and red from the contact with his face, with some of his fucking hair stuck to it.

“Did you burn off my fucking beard!” His head shot up to see a half-sheepish, half-amused look on her face, lips curled and eyes wide.

“Oops.”

He yelled her name, and she had the fucking nerve to giggle. “We said no fucking powers!”

“I forgot.” She said lamely, her face less and less apologetic by the second, giggling again as she offered some of the most insincere comfort Ben had ever heard. “It’s not even that noticeable! You look just as good as before!”

His anger faded, and he gave Her a cocky smirk, raising his brows. “You think I look good, Sunshine?”

“I’m being nice. Don’t ruin it.” She muttered, her face adorably flushed, and Ben didn’t miss the skip of her heart.

“Whatever keeps you up at night.”

“That’s not the phrase.”

He winked. “I know.”

She scoffed and turned away, but not before Ben could see the slight smile on her lips. “I’m going to shower, I’ll meet you in the living room in fifteen. If you’re not there, with food, I’m eating the TV.”

Ben frowned, calling after Her figure moving down the hall. “Has the TV been edible this whole fucking time and you didn’t fucking tell me?!”

Her laughter echoed back down the hall. "You're real fucking gullible, grampa!"

“You know I can’t fucking tell when you’re joking about that shit, you bitch!”

“Fourteen minutes, cunt!”

“How the fuck am I supposed to make food in fourteen minutes?!”

“You’re a big boy, you’ll figure it out!”

Grumbling a string of cusses Ben hoped She could fucking feel, Ben grabbed a cup of instant noodles and threw them in the microwave, wondering if She would notice if he spit in hers. After pulling them out, grabbing two spoons from the counter that he almost immediately bent, spilling one of the cups as he noticed the damaged utensils, spilling the other when he noticed the first spill, and having to start the whole damned fucking thing over, Ben made his way to drop on the couch next to where She sat, wet hair clinging to her pretty face.

“Heard a lot of swearing, Pretty Boy, everything ok?”

He grunted, shoving Her noodles against her chest and letting go, not giving a fuck if she had a grip on them. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Just asking a question,” he could hear her shit-eating grin. “Thought it was a free country. Thought a patriot like you would appreciate me exercising my first amendment right.”

“That protects you from the government, not me.” Ben parroted back the words She had yelled at him after he’d made the apparently fucking fatal mistake of saying “first amendment right” in her presence.

She chuckled, her voice teasing. “Didn’t know you were capable of retaining information about something other than yourself.”

“Well, your tits were looking great while you were bitching. It helped.” He grabbed the remote, raising it to the TV. “I made food. I’m picking what we watch.”

“If you pick Game of Thrones so you can watch the sex scenes again, I’m figuring out a way to kill myself and doing it on your bed.”

“Whatever gets you in my bed, Sunshine.” He winked. “And I’m invested in the fucking plot, it’s not just the sex scenes.”

“It’s mostly the sex scenes.” She said, not even flinching at his flirtation. “Just go watch porn. See how fast you can break the fleshlights. If you do all three in ten minutes, Butcher owes me twenty dollars.”

Ben scowled, not enjoying that She’d apparently been making fucking bets with Butcher about his masturbation. “I can last longer than ten fucking minutes, I’m not a fucking pussy.”

“Prove it.”

He grinned widely at Her as her face flushed adorably, her own phrasing catching up with her head. “I’d be honored, Sunshine.”

“You’re like a fucking rabbit in heat.” She muttered. “And if you do last longer than ten, Hughie gets the money, so keep that in mind when you’re jerking it to dragon boobs after I go to bed.”

“The dragons don’t have any fucking boobs, dumbass, the fucking hot lady queens do.” Ben said smugly, ignoring her eye roll. “And I would ‘jerk it’ in the privacy of my room, but someone won’t give me a fucking phone.”

“Yeah, the CIA. I’d actually back you up with Mallory, Pretty Boy. I think giving you a phone would be really entertaining.”

“I don’t need your fucking help.” He snapped, and she laughed.

“Can’t rely on just a handsome face to convince her that you somehow deserve the internet.”

“Handsome face?” He grinned at her, and only the slight stutter of her heart told Ben she heard him.

She made a mock face of thought. “Maybe if we suggested parental controls…”

“I’ll kill you, bitch.”

“I’ll make you the most useless and sad eunuch to ever grace this sorry planet, cunt.”

Ben glared at Her, and she reached over his arm to press play on the remote.

Most of the days since the failed Sister Sage mission had been like this. She and Ben got up, trained, ate, trained more, and then watched TV with dinner until She retreated to her room and Ben fought sleep for the rest of the night, alone. Neither of them mentioned how he’d saved her, or how She had started a habit of slapping Ben awake—he was pretty fucking certain that at this point she had figured out another way to break through the nightmares but was purposely choosing to fucking hit him instead—before she’d sit next to him for an hour or two after. Ben liked this unspoken arrangement, and liked even more how She had silently agreed to it. Just because he didn’t actively hate Her right now didn’t mean he was about become a sniveling pussy mess about feelings. Even if the lack of active hatred had morphed into something pulsing in his chest that he didn’t understand, and didn't fucking want to. Making Her instant noodles and not killing her when she lied to him for fun or called him “Pretty Boy” was as far as Ben would bend.

It had been mostly radio silence from the Boys, though Butcher and Cocksucker had visited two days after they’d dropped Her and Ben back at the safe house, as Cocksucker had managed to break his arm. There had been a long, incredibly boring and poorly told story as to how the injury had occurred, involving a supe, Nikola Tesla and something called a Cybertruck, but Ben had pretty much tuned out the entire fucking conversation once he realized they weren’t here for him at all. The only thing that had kept him from retreating to his room for the duration of the visit was the small falter in Her heart when she touched Cocksucker, her jaw clenched as Ben and Butcher watched Cocksucker’s arm heal into place in a fucking disgusting manner.

When She’d let go, she’d given Ben a weird fucking look with tight lips and sad eyes that he'd only seen before on Cocksucker. It had passed quickly, her face returning to apathetic and bored, her eyes regaining the sharp amusement they usually held, but fuck it had confused him. She and Butcher had started talking about missions and planning and other mind-numbing shit, Cocksucker shaking out his arm as if he didn’t trust that it was healed, and Ben had needed to piss and gone to do just that. Before he’d left, he’d caught Her a look of where the hell are you’d going, he’d grinned back with a wink of why, you want to join me?, and she’d rolled her eyes and returned her attention to Butcher. When he’d returned, Butcher and Cocksucker had left and She was glaring at him, arms across her chest.

“Are you an idiot, or just a dick?” She’d snapped.

He’d frowned at Her, trying to figure out what had made her all fucking bitchy. As far as Ben was concerned, he’d been fucking amazing, only calling Butcher a pussy twice and managing to refrain from talking to Cocksucker at all. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Butcher told me we’re moving on operation Quick and Bald soon. He told me you knew. Why didn’t you fucking tell me?!”

“Oh,” Ben had rolled his eyes. “I forgot.”

“You forgot?”

He’d shrugged. “Well, you fucking know now, so get over it. And what kind of fucking shit codename is Quick and Bald?”

“Fuck you, it’s an accurate and descriptive name.”

“How the fuck could that be ‘accurate and descriptive’?”

“Because two key factors of this phase of my plan are the quick and the bald.”

“Your plan?”

“Yeah, my fucking plan. That I fucking deserved to know the status of.” She’d scowled. “Butcher says it’s almost ready. He’ll get us in two days once it’s in place.”

That had been five days ago. Starlight and Cocksucker had dropped in after two days, full of apologies and updates that Ben didn’t give a fuck about, and when he’d asked Her for more information about the plan, she’d told him to “suck her dick and shove his questions up his ass until they reached his brain.”

So Ben still had no fucking clue what Quick and Bald was about.

Aside from Her lingering anger at him for apparently having the fucking nerve to ask questions about the jobs he had to do—an opinion he had made the mistake of voicing, leading the unwelcome lesson on the first amendment—She was being impossibly easy to talk to, and Ben was getting dangerously close to not only enjoying her company, but finding her comfortable. Part of him was hoping she’d say something very, very soon that would allow him to grip onto hatred, or at least indifference, for the rest of his time in this stupid fucking situation.

Instead, in a way that made Ben think God himself was out to fucking get him, he’d started to tell her things. Fucking voluntarily.

One of those nights where sleep had gripped his head and pulled him under, struggling and roaring, he’d woken up once more from only the force and sting of her hand across his face. She’d sat next to him again, and he’d asked her more questions about before, all of which she’d answered with a faraway, insufferably sad look in her eyes.

“How many siblings did you fucking have again?” He’d pressed once.

“Four,” She’d responded, a wistful smile on her face. “Two brothers, two sisters. All younger.”

“Your parents had four more kids after you? What, were you that fucking annoying they needed to try again four fucking times?”

“No, I was just so adorable they needed to try and recreate my perfection. Once they realized that was impossible, they gave up.” She’d smirked, and Ben hated that somehow he didn’t doubt her words. “Well,” she’d mused to herself. “That and they fell violently out of love with each other.”

“Violently?” He’d made a face, and she’d nodded solemnly.

“I shielded my siblings from a lot of flying plates.”

Ben found another thing to hate. Her parents, and how fucking sad she looked. “You miss them?”

“My parents?” She’d snorted. “I miss my dad. I hope my mom gets her head popped.”

He’d coughed to cover a laugh. “No, you fucking smartass. Your siblings.”

Her answer was quick and soft. “Every fucking day.”

Ben had grunted, watching the distance return to her face, and before he could stop himself, he was talking. “I didn’t have any siblings.”

Before he could curse himself out and try to distract Her with something else, she had been looking back at him with wide, focused eyes. “Do you wish you did?”

“I never thought about it,” he’d muttered. “My father was such a fucking dick I’m surprised he even got my mother to marry him, let alone fucking have one kid. I think he hated me enough to never fucking risk it again.”

“Risk it?” She’d kept her voice impossibly gentle as she’d asked, and it made his skin crawl all weird.

“I was the biggest fucking regret of his life. If he could go back and stop me from happening in the first place, make my mother flush me out, he wouldn’t have fucking hesitated.”

She’d paused, and a very fucking stupid part of Ben had thought she was going to let the conversation go. Of course, he should’ve fucking known by now that She damn well wouldn’t.

“What was your mom like?”

He hadn’t fucking expected that, and it had shocked him enough to answer. “Kind. Too kind for my father, he saw it as fucking weakness and told her all the fucking time. But she was so fucking kind.” He took a heavy breath. “She was full of love, and I have no fucking clue how. It was fucking stupid, all her love, even for my piece of shit father. He’d yell at her and threaten her and mock her, but she still fucking loved him. She fucking loved everything.”

Her voice was still gentle from beside him. “Like what?”

“Animals. Cats specifically. My father had all these fucking hunting dogs he loved more than anything, certainly more than me, and the only good thing he ever fucking did was trade one to get her a cat. It was massive, fluffy and gray, and it was a fucking asshole to everyone but her. It ate like a fucking elephant, shed like a whore in summer, but she loved it so fucking much.” At this point Ben had really wished he would shut the fuck up, but he couldn’t, and he was going to have to figure out a way to blame Her for that later. “She loved art. Painting. She tried to get me to love it too, even though I could barely draw a fucking worm. But I’d try, and she’d frame all my stupid, shitty drawings and hang them around the house until my father saw them and threw them in the trash. She loved music but couldn’t carry a tune if her life fucking depended on it. They’d go to the opera because my father would donate a ton for the publicity, and she’d come back all damn giddy. I’d wait up, just because she was fucking contagious when she was that happy. Even my father felt it, enough to just go straight to bed and not kick my ass for still being awake. She was fucking smart, too. Real fucking smart. My father would joke he wished she was a man, because then her brain would be useful. She would’ve fucking jumped for joy if she saw the world now. Met a fucking woman doctor.” He paused, looking back down at Her beside him. She hadn’t looked away from him, and there was none of the pity he’d expected to see on her face. It was just open, listening intently to his words with no malice or trickery behind her eyes.

“She sounds amazing.” She’d said softly, a small smile he didn’t understand on her face. “And your dad sounds like a fucking cunt.”

Ben had chuckled in surprise. “Fucking understatement of the damn year, Sunshine. That pussy would’ve tried to pry your degree from your fucking hands.”

“Let him try, I’d burn his fucking face off and laugh while I did it.”

“What were you even going to fucking do with a PhD in archeology?" He’d asked, and she’d huffed a small laugh.

“Anthropology, Pretty Boy. But nice guess.” She corrected. “And I’m honestly not sure. I’d quite literarily only just actually received the degree before everything… changed.” She’d sighed. “I had a few job offers, but mostly in academia and business. What I wanted was to work with nonprofits to help people.”

“Help people?” He’d given her a disbelieving stare. “With a prissy fucking degree?”

“Yeah, dickwad. Help people. I was a cultural anthropologist. I specialized in the evolution of cultures and ways to combat systemic cultural oppression.”

He’d stared at Her blankly. “You’re going to have to take down the fucking fancy talk by seven, Sunshine.”

“I studied how the government and culture is mean to people on purpose, and how to make them stop being mean.” She’d said flatly.

“Oh.” He’d rolled his eyes at the dirty look she was giving him. “Oh, fuck off. It wasn’t that painful to say.”

“Yes, it was.” She’d mumbled, narrowing her eyes at him. “You’re not going to argue with me?”

“What’s there to fucking argue about?”

“I just called your beloved country an ‘oppressive system’.” She’d watched him wearily, but her heart remained steady. “Doesn’t it mar your refined American nationalism?”

“Do you fucking want me to be mad?” Ben had asked, raising his brows at her. “I can definitely find it in me, that’s not a fucking issue. But usually when we fight about this shit, you get all bitchy and don’t talk to me for way too fucking long.”

“I mean, no, I don’t want you to get mad…” She’d frowned, examining him with yet another fucking confusing look. “Does it really bother you when I ignore you?”

“No.” He’d snapped quickly. “It’s just annoying, and I don’t like having to fucking deal with it.”

She’d hummed with an amused smile on her face, and the conversation had moved on to something else. Ben had shoved down the way it had been so easy to talk about his mother with her, until it was somewhere in his gut and he didn’t have to think about the way the feeling rolled around inside him.

And he refused to even acknowledge how when She would smile now, he’d have to fight himself to not do the same.

———-

It had been a week since the Sage incident, a week since Ben had saved your life—you'd locked everything about that particular action from what you thought of it to how it made you feel somewhere deep in your chest—and you were starting to lose your mind a little bit. When Annie and Hughie had stopped by with nervous words about delays in your meticulously prepared and incredibly well-detailed plan, you’d been willing to wait another day, maybe two, before executing operation Quick and Bald. Now it had been three days, burgeoning on four, and you were worryingly close to leaving the safe house just to yell at Butcher. Ben could stay here, or follow you and help you beat Butcher up for all you cared. Which was, admittedly, worrying within itself. Especially because the whole point of operation Quick and Bald was to take preventative measures against Ben’s needless brutality.

Over a month ago, right after you’d moved into the safe house and when you had been ready to throttle Ben’s neck every waking moment—an urge that hadn’t entirely waned, but was now undercut with a weirder, stronger urge to be near him without any murderous intent—you’d spent the hours quarantined in your room perfecting your plan to get Ryan Butcher the fuck out of dodge. When they’d come to pick you and Ben up for the whole Neuman test, you’d left it in the van for Butcher to find, and had been waiting since for him to set up the dominoes so you could knock them over.

At this point, you’d be happy with not even “dominos to knock over” and just “one singular domino to throw at someone." You had begun to develop a habit of staring down the hall from the living room, trying to will someone to appear with at least a fucking update. So far this strategy was not working, and had apparently started to garner attention.

Sitting on the couch, the TV white noise in the background and noodles in your hand cold and forgotten, you felt a foreign rush of oddly tight concern run through your body. You frowned, heard your name from next to you, and turned to find that Ben had been poking your arm.

“Are you fucking alive?” He grunted, watching you with a frown.

“Literally? Yes.” You answered with a tight smile. “You have noodles on your face.”

He reached up to feel for them, not looking away from you. “What the fuck do you mean literally? How can you be fucking metaphorically alive?”

“Mind-body problem, Pretty Boy. And it’s not metaphorically, it’s philosophically.” You lean back, grinning.

“You’re a real fucking pretentious bitch sometimes.” He grumbled, still trying to find the food stuck to his beard.

“If you made me a shirt that said that, I’d wear it.”

“I’m not going to fucking make you a shirt, Sunshine. You couldn’t make me learn to fucking sow with a gun to my head.”

“Because the gun wouldn’t affect you at all?” You pointed to your own chin, mirroring where the noodle was caught.

He sneered. “Because I’m not a pussy.” His hand found the stray piece of his dinner, and he pulled it from his jaw.

“Big words from the man who took two tries to make me instant ramen- hey!” A wet noodle hits you in the face.

“Ramen your ungrateful ass didn’t even fucking eat.” Ben gave a pointed look at the abandoned cup in your hands, the food inside having long lost any heat. “Don’t fucking test me, or I’ll actually spit in your food next time.”

“Drama queen,” you muttered, peeking back at the door. “Like you don’t already do that.”

“I fight the urge to be a fucking bitch, unlike certain women.”

You nod absentmindedly. “Butcher.”

Ben snorted behind you, and a smile you hoped he didn’t see crept onto your face.

“Yeah, sure Sunshine.” His attention returned to the TV, and you did your best to not stare down the hall, trying to ignore the hope that the door now shrouded in darkness would open.

A successful effort that made you jump out of your seat when it did just that with an aggressive bang.

Ben was faster than you, practically launching himself over the sofa and bolting down the hall, a dangerous look of alarm the last thing you saw on his face before he was gone from the room.

“Shit, no! It’s me!” You heard a high-pitched shout from the shadows of the entrance. “It’s Hughie!”

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” You heard Ben’s growl of a response.

Butcher’s voice drawled from the shadows. “Oi, take a deep fucking breath and put the bloody kid down.”

“Someone fucking answer me first.”

“Put him down, Soldier Boy, before we knock your ancient ass the fuck out.” The impatient, clipped words of MM responded, almost drowned out by Frenchie's shout.

“Can someone turn on the fucking lights? It is as dark as Monsieur Butcher’s heart and asshole!”

“I- I don’t feel good.” Hughie’s voice stuttered.

“Ben!” You flicked on the hallway sconces, illuminating a scene of Ben’s full body weight pressing Hughie to the wall, Butcher and MM trying with practically negative success to pry him off, and Kimiko gripping one of Frenchie’s arms as his other groped around for direction. You let out a very long, very loud sigh. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“It’s fucking late,” he snapped, not letting Hughie go. “They shouldn’t be here so fucking late.”

“This ain’t your real house, Mate.” Butcher grunted, still trying to move Ben. “We can be here whenever we bloody well please.”

Hughie wheezed out your name in a pleading tone. “Your plan is ready. We’re here to- fuck- we’re here to get you.”

That got you moving, crossing to the end of the hall in quick, frantic steps. “It’s ready? Are you sure?” Hughie gave a weak nod, and you rolled your eyes, shoving Ben shoulder. “Put him down, dumbass. He’s not a threat, and honestly, probably the worst one to have gone after. Just, like, strategically.”

Ben glared at you, but let go. He glanced at where MM and Butcher were still grabbing him, and gave them a venomous look that got them both to let go and take hasty steps back. He shot a glowering look of they could’ve fucking waited until the morning in your direction.

You wrinkled your nose at him. No. Shut the fuck up. You turned to Hughie, not even bothering to hide the desperation you felt in your imploring stare. “It’s all ready? All of it? A-Train agreed to help? We’re sure Ashley has the information? We’re sure neither one is going to tell Homelander, and we’re not about to walk into a fucking trap?”

“Yes, yes, yes, kind of, and yes.” Butcher counted off on his fingers as he answered. “But we’ve got to go right fucking now.”

“Kind of?” Anxious energy rushed through you—that still-strange feeling lighting under your skin—and you ignored the weird look Ben shot you as it did. “What do you mean, kind of? If you fucked this up, Butcher, I swear to God-"

“Calm the fuck down, Love.” Butcher snapped. “It’s going to be fine, we’ll explain on the way. But we need to go fucking now if you want this to work.”

You gave a sharp nod, starting to pull on your boot, glancing up with a pause when you heard Hughie say your name behind you.

“Do you, uh, do you want to get dressed first?” His voice was still slightly weak as he recovered from Ben’s force.

You glanced down at your body, and decided that the oversized shirt and cloth shorts would be fine. They were from the CIA spring fire-proof collection, and that was more than enough. “Nope. Let’s fucking move.”

You were halfway to the door when a crash sounded behind you, and you whirled around to see MM firmly blocking Ben’s path, the crash seeming to have been Hughie stumbling into the wall in an attempt to get away from the standoff.

“You’re not coming, Soldier Boy. This is a goddamn delicate operation, and you’re the fucking reason we have to do it in the first place. We can’t afford you throwing a tantrum and screwing us.”

“I’m fucking coming, and it’s not up for fucking debate.”

Off to the side, Frenchie snickered as Kimiko signed how many times do you think he’s said that before?

Ben shot them an annoyed look, his fists clenching. “What’s so fucking funny?”

“Nothing,” Frenchie snickered, and his tone was so remarkably unconvincing that even if you hadn’t understood Kimiko, you wouldn’t have believed him.

Ben grunted and tried to move past MM, again to no avail.

He glared down at the firmly planted man, a familiar violent glint in his eyes. “You better fucking move now, before I make you.”

“Do your fucking worst, we’ll put you right back in the box. You’re not coming with us.”

“MM,” you said firmly, watching Ben's fists clench as the dangerous glint returns to his eyes. “We need to go.”

MM looks back at you, but remains in his place. “Are you fucking serious? You’re siding with him?”

“I’m not siding with him.” You keep your voice level, ignoring Ben’s smug face and grin. “We can’t leave him. The I go where he goes thing unfortunately goes both ways.”

“The safe house will hold him for five hours.” MM pushed, and before you could even shake your head, Ben cut in.=

"No, it won’t.”

You shoot him a look that says you’re being unhelpful, and he just returns it with his own of fuck off, you know you fucking want me there.

“Please, MM. He’ll stay quiet in the background, or I’ll burn his dick off. Right?” You direct your last words at Ben, giving him a pointed agree with me or I’m knocking you out and leaving you here look.

“Yeah, whatever. But I’m not staying in the fucking van like a pussy. And you’d better explain what the fuck is happening on the way, Sunshine.”

“Deal. But first they,” You narrowed your eyes at Butcher. “Have some explaining of their own to do.”

“Don’t lose your bloody mind, Love, it’s all in order.” Butcher said breezily, shoving past you to open the door. He gave a dramatic wave of his arm for you to exit, and with a look of doubt, you did.

The car ride was already poised to be uncomfortable. Butcher’s car was not equipped for seven people, let alone seven people where three were very large men, three were supes, and nobody wanted to have physical contact with two. As such, Butcher drove, MM sat in the front, you found yourself squished against one window with Ben between you and a remarkably uncomfortable Hughie, as Kimiko sat, slightly elevated onto their laps, between Frenchie at the other window, and Hughie. It was overall an unideal situation, made worse as your own frustration was amplified by Ben’s, and by Hughie revealing that it was, in fact, not all in order.

Your phase one, the original operation Quick and Bald had called for Ashley Barrett’s complete cooperation. You’d even painstakingly outlined all the potential ways to flip her—most involving something along the lines of hey, wouldn’t a job that didn’t make you so stressed you rip out all your hair and have to buy a bunch of wigs be nice?—and different ways to keep Homelander from finding out about her betrayal—Spain was lovely this time of year, and had a thriving BDSM community Ashley would love. While MM had managed to take care of your instructions for A-Train, the half of the plan you’d incorrectly anticipated to be more difficult, the Ashley situation was, in Butcher’s words, very fucking delicate, but we’ve adapted and everything will be bloody fine, so trust me and don’t be a fucking cunt about it.

You did not trust him. I didn’t help that you’d asked for any other possible details, and he’d pretended he couldn’t hear you. This suspicion was confirmed when, despite your incredible clarity that you would never step foot there again, Butcher seemed to be driving right to Vought Tower.

Your eyes had been steadily widening, panic starting to run through you the closer and closer you got, and you flinched when you felt Ben’s roughly shoulder nudge your own.

“What’s fucking wrong with you?” He’d asked in a low voice, barely audible over Hughie’s rambling explanation.

“You should listen,” you mutter back, trying to shut out the confusing concern he always seemed to feel at you, how it felt remarkably genuine, but was laced with anger that felt like it was trying to push out of your body. “Hughie’s explaining the plan.”

“Yeah, but all I have to fucking do is stay quiet, and I get to keep my dick. You’re being fucking twitchy and silent, and your heart is beating faster than it has all damn day, so don’t even try to fucking lie and tell me it’s fine.”

“It is fine, I’m fine-“ You paused as his words sank in. “Wait, what do you mean my heart-“

“Alright, here we go.” Butcher cut off both you and Hughie with a clap of his hands. “Everyone bloody out, let’s get this shitshow on the road.”

“Butcher,” you said, looking around to see you’d parked directly across from the tower entrance. “What the fuck are we doing here?”

“We’re meeting them right there.” MM answered for Butcher, pointing out of his window to something you couldn’t see. “It’s almost midnight, and Annie’s been making sure nobody gets inside but us.”

“But why?” You protest, even as MM leaves the car. “This,” you give a wide, general wave that hits Ben in the nose. “Cannot be the only option.”

“Both of them still have their trackers,” Hughie leans forward with an apologetic look as Frenchie and Kimiko exit the car. “This will look like they’re just getting a midnight snack, and hopefully Homelander won’t get suspicious.”

“Hopefully?!” You feel a rush of anger—not yours—and a twist of fear deep within your gut—absolutely yours. “Hopefully fucking Homelander won’t get suspicious?!”

Hughie gave an uncertain nod before very quickly scrambling to get out of the car. You take a long, deep breath, trying to steel yourself. A rush of what was becoming a familiar fuming and brittle concern ran through you. You look at Ben, to find his eyes locked firmly onto yours.

“Sorry about hitting-“

“I know how to hot-wire a car.”

You blink at him, taken aback by the firmness of his voice. “What?”

His hand moved to grip your thigh, his gaze not wavering. “I know how to hot-wire a car.”

You give him a flat look. “Yeah, I heard you the first time. Why are you telling me that?”

His frustration leaked into you. “Because say the word, I’ll steal Butcher’s car, and we’ll fucking leave.”

“What? Are you insane?”

“You look like you’re either going to start fucking crying or burst into flames, and this is a stupid fucking idea.”

“This was my plan.” You snap. “And I’m not stealing Butcher’s car. Why do you even know how to hot-wire a car anyway?”

Ben’s grip tightened. “No, your plan was stupidly well fucking thought out.”

“That’s an oxymoron.” You mutter, and he ignores you.

“And even if they haven’t completely fucking blown the execution, they completely squashed any chance of safety.”

“It’ll be fine,” you say, the words sounding fake even as you say them. “It’s late. He’s probably asleep.”

“What if he’s not?” His concern was starting to move to your throat, and there was something else, something sitting far deeper in your chest, beating and beating against you. Against you.

“Ben.” You place your hand over his. “I’ve worked too hard on this. This is the only way, and it will be fine.” You say the last words firmly and clearly, trying to make them sink into you. “Now take your fucking hand off of me, and get out of the damn car.”

He pulls himself from you, and even as his touch leaves, the concern and beat linger until he’s gone from the car. You drag yourself across the seats and ignore Hughie’s offer of a hand as you duck out of the car and onto the curb. You notice the 24 hour diner MM must have been pointing out almost immediately, half because—aside from an incredibly sketchy looking deli a few doors down—it’s the only building with its lights still on, and half because two very flustered teenagers are sulking away from the entrance, where Annie stands with her arms crossed. She’s already spotted your group, and has angeled her head in a signal to join her.

“You’re late.” She chides as you approach.

“Well, Starlight, I’d apologize, but it was those two fuckheads,” Ben and MM both receive a jabbed thumb over Butcher’s shoulder. “Who decided to draw out the bloody carpool process.”

“I told you not to call me Starlight anymore, Butcher.” Annie snaps, not giving him a chance to respond before she turns to you. “A-Train is, somehow, running behind as well. Hopefully Ashley’s just being resistant to getting food with him, but they’ll be here.”

“Isn’t running that pussy’s whole fucking thing?” Ben muttered, quiet enough for only you to hear. You step as hard as you can on his foot.

“Shut it, Pretty Boy.” You whisper over his grunt of what probably is more emotional pain than physical.

“Bitch.” He hisses back.

“Cunt.” You raise your voice so the others can hear you. “We should go inside, it’s risky to just… stand here.”

With nervous looks around and stuttered agreements, you all make your way into the diner. The lights are flickering, and it’s eerily empty with only a very nervous-looking blonde waitress at the counter. She makes a very big show of asking how many are in your party, leading you to a large, round table, and laying out the menus with shaky hands. Kimiko, Hughie, Annie, and MM try and offer her comforting smiles, though MM’s is strained as he keeps a vigilant glare on Ben. The waitress is staring at Ben herself, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, glacing back as she leaves to get your and Butcher’s coffee, Annie and MM’s tea, Kimiko and Hughie’s milkshakes, and Ben and Frenchie’s orders of “the strongest alcohol you’ve fucking got.” Your personal bet was it was going to just be very old beer.

“Why is she fucking staring at me?” Ben muttered to you, watching the waitress as she walked away. “Did you fuck up my beard that bad?”

“Your beard looks literally the same.” You dismiss. “And it’s because, as far as the public knows, Maeve killed you in a heroic act of self-sacrifice to stop your evil, anti-American attacks. That, or she wants to fuck you.”

“Hm,” he looks back at you, settling down into his seat. “Am I allowed to bring guests into the safe house?”

“No.” You say, a little more curtly than you intended. Seeing his wide, cocky grin, you clairfy. “It’s a breach of security. She would need to pass a CIA vetting and be approved by, like, twenty people. I don’t think she’d do that just to fuck you.”

Ben shrugs, his smirk only growing. “You did.”

“I’m going to cut off your balls and feed them to you-“

“Hey,” MM cuts you off, saying your name in a brisk, hard tone from across the table. “They’re here.”

You snap your head to the door, where A-Train is practically pushing Ashley into the diner.

You hear her voice clearly over the recession pop humming from the speakers. “Why can’t we just go to the fucking deli? They make these amazing meatball subs and supes eat free, so you could order for both of us- oh fuck no.”

“Oh, shit.” MM mutters, jumping to his feet with Butcher and Annie as Ashley notices them, and promptly tries to dash for the exit.

You don’t entirely blame her. You’d probably do the same. You had done the same, an unhelpful voice reminds you.

“I- Am- Not-“ Ashley is trying to get past A-Train, who hasn’t given up trying to herd her further into the diner. “Fuck- this-“

“Ashley, just listen to them, I fucking swear-“

“Why should I trust you?!” Ashley doubles over, out of breath. “You fucking tricked me! Midnight snack my fucking ass- Fuck no!” She raises a crooked finger at Annie, who has stopped in front of her. “Get the fuck away from me, you bitch.”

“Ashley, please listen to A-Train-“

“No! Just leave me the fuck alone! I don’t want to be a part of your weird fucking eye for an eye justice shit-“

“You kind of already are.” MM says as he locks the door behind her. “You work for Vought, your it’s motherfucking CEO. That makes you a part of this, like it or not.”

“Not!” Ashley shouts. “I don’t care what you have to say! Homelander’s going to fucking kill me, oh my god.” She starts to hyperventilate. “If he finds out I was here, he’ll kill you-“ She points a shaky finger at A-Train. “And then make me go on fucking TV to explain why you’re missing, and then fucking kill me-“

Butcher scoffs. “Bloody hell, lady. Calm the fuck down, Homelander ain’t gonna find out.”

“You don’t know that!” She shrieked. “He knows fucking everything! Especially since fucking Sage joined!” She spins around frantically, and her wild eyes lock onto yours. “He knows about them!” A shaking finger jumps between you and Ben. “Fuck! He’s supposed to be fucking asleep and now he’s fucking not! And he was so fucking angry about her, I’ve never seen him so fucking angry-“

Whatever else Ashley stutters about Homelander’s anger is lost to you as the world freezes. The feeling isn’t just under your skin, it’s up your spine, in your blood, circling around your brain. It’s fucking everywhere and you can’t fucking breathe, her words looping around you.

He knows. He’s angry. He fucking knows. He’s fucking angry. He fucking knows and he’s fucking angry and he fucking knows and he’s fucking angry and-

A white hot, impossibly calm feeling crashes over you. It’s angry, hungry and angry, but it’s grounding, sharpening everything around you. Suddenly the world is back in complete focus, Ashley’s shrill rambling scraping at your ears, and in the distance that weird fucking rhythm is sounding. As the feeling in your body returns fully, you realize Ben’s hand is back on your thigh. You bounce it, looking up to give him a glare, and find he’s not even looking at you. Instead, his eyes are trained on Ashley, narrowed and cold. You give a small cough, and when he glances down at you, the feeling of anger stutters with something lighter, though only for a second.

You give another bounce of your leg, a look of move your damn hand or lose it taking over your face.

No, not until you calm the fuck down his scowl responds.

You huff, standing abruptly, and his hand falls off at the force of your movement. Suddenly you feel a lot less solid, but reason that your legs are shaky from the Homelander of it all, and if any situation calls for fractured nerves, it’s this one.

“Ashley.” You call across the diner, trying not to stutter or chew off your lip as her protests falters and attention turns to you. “If you know who I am, you know I wouldn’t be anywhere near here if we weren’t certain it was safe. Just have some food with us, listen, and then you can go.”

Ashley gives you a scowl that might surpass Ben’s but nods tightly, yanking her arm from where A-Train had been trying to hold her in place. You sit back down as the group at the door returns to their seats, the poor waitress pressing herself against the bar as they pass. Letting out a shaky, unsteady breath, you try and still yourself as you look out the diner window. City lights. Music.

City lights.

Music.

It was safe. He knows and he’s angry but was safe and there were city lights and music.

Your breathing was no longer coming in short, distressed bursts, but getting air in and out of yourself still felt like an act of labor, and you needed to get it the fuck together before Ashley sat down.

City lights. Music.

You can’t hear the song the diner is playing, instead letting your whole mind turn inward, allowing the ghost of music you can no longer sing to wash over you.

Ashley sits across from you right when you regain control, and from the corner of your eye, you see Ben pulling his hand from where it had been inching towards yours.

Her eyes flit, nerves poorly hidden, from you to Ben to Butcher to Annie and back to you, and her voice is high and shaky when she speaks. “Well?”

“Ashley, we need your help.” Annie leans forward, palms flat on the table.

“Well, then we’re done. I can’t help you. They don’t tell me anything, not really.” Ashley tries to stand, but her arm is caught by A-Train. “Really?” A-Train hisses as he pulls her back into her seat beside him. “They don’t tell you anything my ass, we sit in on all the same meetings. And I pulled these files-“ He pulls out a thumb drive from absolutely nowhere and drops it on the table. “Using your name, so you clearly have access to them.”

“What?!” Ashley looks at the thumb drive like it’s going to either explode or start jizzing on her blouse. “Why would you fucking do that?”

“Insurance.” A-Train answers smugly, the thumbdrive clearly having his intended. “I can’t open it, so you’re going to tell them how, and then I’ll erase the records of you taking the files from the system.”

Ashley looks around at your group, shaking her head. “No.”

“Sorry, Mate. We ain’t really asking.” Butcher leans across A-Train, shoving the thumb drive closer to Ashley. “Do us this solid, and A-Train won’t go right up to Homelander and tell him about how he saw you also cuddly and tight with me, Soldier Boy, and his favorite missing person.”

Your heart jumps right into your throat. City lights. Music.

Suddenly, Ben’s elbow is planted against yours, and you’re pulled back down to earth just in time to hear Ashley yell, “This is fucking blackmail! I’ll fucking sue!”

“You cannot sue government officials, madame.” Frenchie says smugly, and Hughie shakes his head.

“That’s- Frenchie, that’s not even kind of true.”

“You’re also not a government official.” Annie adds.

Frenchie looks genuinely perplexed at this and gives Kimiko a confused frown, receiving a shrug in return.

“But,” you pipe up, your voice somehow bored and casual. “I’m legally dead. He’s-“ You jab Ben in the chest, and Ashley’s eyes widen. “Legally dead and an enemy of the state. You can’t sue either of us, not without admitting some Vought secrets that will be very bad PR.” You give her a twisted smile, leering across the table. “Help us, or, even if Homelander believes you, which we both know he won’t, you’ll get fired. And I’m sure they’ll be very understanding and normal about how they do it.”

You feel a flash of weird pride and realize you can see Ben fighting a smile in your periphery.

Ashley has a fearful expression, looking at where your elbow is still connected with Ben’s. “What- what's even on it?”

“Becca Butcher files.” You say, not taking your gaze from her, but you didn’t need to look around to see the sudden, rigidness with which everyone sat. You even felt Ben’s own shock run through you.

You’d be lying if you said hiding the exact contents of the file hadn’t been a very purposeful choice that you and Butcher had made. He’d cornered you, demanding to know what you planned on doing should Soldier Boy go after Ryan, and you’d told him that it wouldn’t be an issue. Ryan looked up to Homelander, that was why he stayed. He’d lost his mother, he didn’t trust Butcher, all the poor kid had was his insane, sociopathic father. Some part of you—small and sad and tired, still sitting on a staircase in Boston—understood that. But with Becca gone, gone forever, Ryan didn’t have a place to run like you’d had. Homelander was the default, and just kind enough to his son that Ryan could force himself to forgive Homelander again and again. Homelander was safe for Ryan.

You were going to make sure Ryan never saw Homelander as safe again. And that started with Becca Butcher and would end with you. So you and Butcher had agreed with a tight handshaked that he'd ripped his hand from right after, everyone was only going to know what they needed to. That was the only way it would work.

“Becca Butcher files?” MM repeats in a slow, incredulous tone. “You,” he turns with a look of shock to Butcher. “You knew about this? You’re fuckin okay with this?”

“I’m doing what has to be done, Mate.” Butcher answers flatly, then says your name. “Tell ‘em the plan, Love.”

“We need to get Ryan away from Homelander. Ryan needs to know about his mother.”

“No,” Ashley was emerging from the shock to try and stand from the table, but A-Train’s arm shot out, pulling her back down once more. “No,” she says again, looking around desperately. “Ryan, Ryan is all he has. All he cares about. You take Ryan he’ll lose his mind-“

“He’s already lost his mind.” Something snaps in your chest—a cruel feeling waking up as you watch Ashley fret about Homelander. “And I couldn’t give less fucks about what he cares about.” The feeling is crawling across your skin. “If this hurts him, good. It could never hurt him enough to make it right.” You hear drums and still can’t place where they’re coming from. “Now listen to the last fucking strand of your morality on your scalp and fucking help us.”

Ashley shakes her head again, this time with less certainty. “It’s- no- He-“ she pulls in a deep, unsteady breath. “He won’t stop until he gets Ryan back. He already is going insane about you and him and how he needs to get you back safe and put him back down, and if Ryan goes to then nothing will stop him-“

The drums are loud now, and something that’s usually there on Ben’s face is missing. Your own body doesn’t feel entirely normal anymore, but it’s not paralyzed or running. You can feel something in Ben caving, falling inward in a growing rhythm, moving in time as something in you grows. It's not in you now, it’s across you, coating your skin and singing with glee.

“Ashley,” the sound of your voice is a little far away, but you can hear it echo through you. It’s wired, hot, a warning.

“I- I can’t.”

“Yes, you fucking can.” You sneer. “You’re just too much of a pussy to do it.” Ben coughs in the way that you know means he wants to laugh, just as the drums stutter and move farther away.

“Please, I don’t-“

“Do not make me stab you.”

Ashley falters, looking you up and down. “You won’t.”

“Trust me, she will.” Ben smirks, giving you a nudge. “She’s surprisingly violent.”

“I, I won’t. I can’t. He’ll kill me-“

“You think we won’t?” Ben growls, any amusement in him gone as you feel something unbreakable and resolved through your body.

Ashley tries to run again, this time actually managing to get up from the table, but is knocked flat on her ass by A-Train before she can take two steps. You stand and give the itch, now under your tongue and your nails, a small scratch.

“Oh, fuck no.” You hear scrambling as you walk around the table and stop, staring down at Ashley.

She’s crawling back from you, back from the fire curling from your whole body, and disgust curls in your gut. For the first time you feel anger—insatiable and gory anger—all of your own. No city lights flash around you, no hollow music dances around your head. You don’t fear Ashley. She’s weak and spineless. She’s willing to cover her hands in Ryan’s blood, in your blood, to keep herself safe from Homelander. She’s staring at you, terrified, and you don’t need to touch her to know it isn’t even a fraction of all the fear you felt in that white room. That white room she knows about, may have seen, and is still trying to keep Homelander happy.

You bend down, letting all your hatred for Vought, for her, cover your features. When you speak, your words are clear and low.

“You are going to tell Butcher how to access the thumbdrive. A-Train and you are going to take some food with you, and walk back to the tower. You aren’t going to tell Homelander about this, and if he asks, offer him some leftovers. A-Train will erase your activity from the files, and you’re going to pretend the whole night never happened. If you tell Homelander about either me or Be-“ You correct yourself smoothly. “Soldier Boy, the last thing I will do before he locks me away again is kill you. Do I make myself clear?”

Ashley nods frantically, flinching when you raise your hand.

“Say it. Say that I made myself clear.”

“You-“ Ashley stutters, hiccuping. “You made yourself clear.”

You draw yourself back up. “Good. Butcher, I’m leaving. You can drive me and come back, or Ben can steal your car, but I’m leaving.”

When you turn, when you see the looks on your team’s face, all the anger is gone, and suddenly there is a crushing, painful weight of shame on your chest. They’re looking at you like Ashley had been, like you’re no better than Homelander. Like maybe you should go back in the room, it would be safer for them, it would be safer for everyone if you were far, far away-

“You heard the lady.” Ben is standing, walking around to your side. “It’s late. We’re leaving. Sunshine?” He offers you his arm, and you stare between it and your own, still covered in flame. Looking up, his face looks bored, as if this is just another Tuesday, and he offers his arm to women who are actively ablaze on a regular basis.

Your face feels slack, and all you can manage is to blink at him. I’ll burn you, Pretty Boy. It’ll hurt.

His brows subtly knit, and he doesn’t move. I’ll live, Sunshine. Don’t let them see you break. We’re going home.

You look back at your team, a wide circle of berth having formed around you and Ben. Butcher is looking between the two of you, and you recognize that glint in his eyes. You’d seen it before, but it’s only been really, truly directed at you once. In a graveyard in Boston, gravestones and bushes around you burning in the dead of winter, holding a bucket of ice that steamed off your skin. Under it, fear begins to creep back into you, exhaustion pushing it forward. Butcher reaches behind him, and your knees feel weak.

But you don’t fall. Zealous anger, strong and raw, spreads through you and Butcher’s movements still. You look down and find Ben’s arm unflinchingly looped through yours, his body at its full height as his eyes rake coldly over Butcher.

The silence hangs in the air, cut through only by Ashley’s quick, sobbed breaths. For a second you think the smoke seeping from you will overtake the room before anyone moves, but Butcher slowly reaches into his pockets, eyes not leaving Ben’s, and throws the keys at Hughie.

“Drop them off, Mate, then come right back. No bloody detours.”

Hughie stares at the keys, looking like he’s going to protest, but Kimiko grabs them before he can.

She turns to you, completely composed, no fear wavering as she locks your eyes with hers. I’ll take you.

Before you can thank her, Frenchie steps forward, signing as he speaks. “Mon Coeur, you cannot drive.”

She frowns. Yes I can.

“No, Mon Coeur, not legally.” Frenchie says, exasperated, and you have a feeling this is not first time they've had this debate.

Kimiko rolls her eyes at you. Fine. She signs back at Frenchie, throwing the keys at him. You’ll do it.

Frenchie stumbles as he catches them, giving Kimiko a shocked look, which she pretends not to see as she walks to the door, signing at you as she passes.

Let’s go before Butcher’s brain starts working.

A small smile threatens your face, and you move, tugging Ben’s arm only once before he falls into pace with you, Frenchie scrambling behind you both.

The car ride back feels longer. The moment you’d stepped out of the diner, your body had extinguished, and you had a worrying sense that the only thing keeping you from collapsing on the sidewalk was Ben’s arm firm through yours. No words were said for the entirety of the drive, you and Ben in the backseat as Frenchie drove and Kimiko lounged in shotgun, and your brain raced. Ben hadn’t let go, and the drums were fading in and out of your chest as he stared ahead into the night.

You arrived at the safe house, only a street lamp casting a dull glow across the street. The chill of the wind cutting against you as Kimiko walked you to the door, Frenchie mumbling something about keeping the car safe from Hooligans. Ben made to step inside, but halted, still not releasing your arm, as you stayed at the doorstep.

At his questioning glare, you tried to wiggle his arm from yours. “Go inside, Ben. I’ll be right there.”

He looked down at where he was still connected with you, and you felt reluctance in time with the drums, but he let go with a scowl. “Be fast,” he grunted, and stomped into the house.

You watched until he’d disappeared fully down the hall, turning to Kimiko only once his back was shrouded in the darkness of the house.

“Thank you,” you give her a soft smile, signing as you speak. “I- I don’t know what happened, I just-“

She shakes her head, and you trail off. I understand. I get angry too. She pauses, hands hovering for only a second. We are not like them. She points down the street, in the direction of the tower, and then past you, into the house. We get to be angry.

“I don’t want to be angry.” You say softly. “He wins when I get angry.”

Kimiko gives you a sad look, placing a hand on your arm. Her own frustration, her fear of Homelander, all the anger at the world, sinks into you. She holds your gaze for a second before drawing back to sign once more. He doesn’t win when you’re angry. He wins when you’re scared. You’re not Soldier Boy. Your anger is good.

You glance back into the house. “I think he- Ben- Soldier Boy- is scared. Or something. His emotions are really fucking confusing.”

You let him touch you. She signs. Does he know?

“He said he didn’t care, because he’s, and I quote, ‘not a pussy with something to hide’.”

But he’s scared? She gives you a questioning frown. Do you think it’s because of Russia? Could you fix it, like you offered for me?

“I’m not sure, but-“ you’re cut off as Frenchie honks the horn, leaning out the window.

“Mon Coeur!” His odd position makes his signing almost unintelligible, which he seems to realize, and raises his voice. “Monsieur Butcher says to get back ‘like a hare with a bomb up it’s arse'.”

Kimiko rolls her eyes at you, but signs a goodbye, giving your hand a small squeeze before returning to the car. As the engine rumbles, Frenchie pulling out the driveway, Kimiko’s calm faith lingers in you, and you walk back into the house, shutting the door behind you.

Almost all the lamps and ceiling lights of the house are off, the TV glowing from where you had abandoned it several hours ago. From the bottom of the stairs, you can see the upstairs hall is washed in a soft yellow, and when you reach the top Ben’s door is open, the light from within filling the hall. You stop at the entrance to his room, his back to you as he pulls a cotton shirt over his head.

You let out a small cough in a weak attempt to alert him to your presence.

“You’re allowed to just come in, Sunshine.” He grunts, still facing away. “I’m not a shy little virgin you need to pussyfoot around.”

You let out a small hum, walking over the threshold and stopping a few feet behind him. “Thank you.” You say softly, and he turns around to look at you.

His eyes are tired. Pained. Something looks like it’s pulling at him and it scares you. You’ve seen that expression before, when you’d woken him up that first day, at the Neuman mission, when you pulled him from nightmares with sharp hits, but never just there. It was always with something. This was like an island, just him and you, nothing pulling it out of him.

“Don’t thank me.” He says gruffly. Even his voice is drained. “You mostly held your own.”

“But-“

“And stop feeling bad about that Ashley bitch. She fucking deserved it.”

You stare at him. “You really believe that?”

He lets out a hollow laugh. “She was fucking pathetic. A fucking pussy. Fucking eating out Homelander’s fucking hand, brown-nosing him until he fucking cums and pays her, letting him take you-“ His jaw clenches. “I fucking meant it when I said we’re not going back Sunshine. I’m not a goddamn pussy liar.”

“I didn’t think you were. But, you…” Your voice fades as you try to find the words. “I could feel you. At the diner.”

“I fucking know, that was the goddamn point. I wasn’t going to let you start crying in front of those self-righteous pussies.”

“No, Ben.” You shake your head. “I could feel you. I could feel it.” You place a hand over your chest. “It was building. There was something beating against you, inside you. And you looked…” You watch him carefully. “Scared.”

“Fucking watch it.” He growls. “I don’t get fucking scared. I’m not-“

“A fucking pussy. I know.” You sigh. “I don’t want to, I can’t, fight right now. I’m so fucking tired. You can scream at me in the morning, but not right now, please.”

He stares at you, and just when you think he’s going to start yelling, he nods. “You’re…” He sounds strange. “You’re ok.”

Just like the last time he said it, the words aren’t phrased like a question. They don’t feel like a question. It feels like he’s just telling you again. But there’s something under it this time, something that makes his words almost unsure. Something that makes up your mind faster than you thought you would.

“Are you?” You ask quietly.

“Of course I fucking am.”

“Ben.” You tilt your head at him. “I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t want you to respond now.”

“You’re being fucking weird, Sunshine.”

“Please.”

He relents with a grunt. “Fucking fine. What.”

“I can fix it.” It’s so hard to keep his gaze as you speak. “It will take time, but I can fix it.”

“Fix what.” He scowls. “There’s nothing to fucking fix.”

“Your PTSD.”

“I don’t fucking have-“

“Ben, I could feel it. It’s dangerous. I could fix it.” You take a deep breath. “I can fix internal injuries as well. I offered to fix Kimiko’s muteness, but she didn’t want me to do it.”

“Then what fucking makes you think-“

“Muteness isn’t dangerous. And it would’ve been harder for me, I might have ended up mute myself. You’re dangerous like this. You can’t fucking control it, and don’t try and lie and say it’s under control. Ashley mentioned putting you back under, and you looked like someone was drowning you.”

“Shut the fuck up, Sunshine.” He leers at you. “You don’t fucking know me, know what it was like-“

“I do. You know I do.” You whisper, and the anger on his face breaks. “More than anyone else, I know. I can fix it, but you’ll have to let me. Just-“ You search his eyes, not sure what you’re looking for. “Just think about it. I won’t mention it again, I won’t even touch you, but my offer will stay on the table. Please, just think about it.”

Before you can leave, he grabs your hand. A rush of painful exhaustion runs through you, and there’s anger, but it’s not full of the fervor you’ve come to expect from him. It’s not even at you. It’s wide and almost consuming, leaving room for only a small kernel of something fragile and warm.

“I don’t care if you keep touching me, Sunshine. I've go nothing to hide from you, and that’s not going to change. But there’s nothing in me you need to fucking fix, so don’t fucking bother.”

“I’m not trying to fix you, Ben,” You murmur. "But remember, you burn, I burn. Please don't burn." Your last words are soft, and the kernel pulses.

“Good,” he grunts, releasing your arm. A small smirk crawls onto his face. “Now I don’t care if it’s here or in your room, Sunshine, but you need to go the fuck to bed. You look like shit.”

Just as he says it, the full weight of your fatigue hits you. You give a mumbled acknowledgement of his words, and try to leave the room, but all the adrenaline is gone from your system and nothing is left to stop the failure of your legs or droop of your eyes. The last thing you feel is something pulling you up before your knees hit the carpet, the last thing you see is green eyes on your own, and you hear an amused snort from above you.

“Goodnight, Sunshine. Try not to dream about me.”

You try to object, but sleep pulls you under before you can even remember why you need to.

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thecountesstribe · 2 months

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HOTD 2X6 Review and Spoilers!!

Another slow episode. The episode dragged especially considering it's currently down to the last 3 episodes of the season.

Alicent got booted off the council, LMFAO. I don't take pleasure in seeing women suffer but older Alicent earned her shit, it's what she gets. Larys thinking he was gonna be named the hand of the Regent King LMFAO. Aemond said get your toad looking ass tf on and go call my grandfather. That was smart as much as I hate to admit it. Aegon definitely remembers his brother trying to kill him though. Larys is going to be protecting Aegon from now on because he knows that they can't control Aemond, I'm mad I gotta say something decent about him but he's actually thinking with his brain. The green council is still in a mess and divided and they know Aemond is going to be a tyrant king, hell Alicent knows and she's still somehow shocked by the monster she created like she didn't have a big part to do with him harboring his worst qualities and helping him mold into it. Delusional I tell you. The small folk are suffering already and got on their asses though, the only thing I didn't like is Helaena getting caught in the crossfire again. Another Daeron mention and did they just subtly hint at Criston being his father? Meaning Alicent was really sleeping with him before Vizzy T kicked the bucket? The writing for the show is all over the place, my God.

We were a diva down and I didn't like it one bit. WHERE TF WAS BAELA?! Like we saw her husband but where was she? Ugh. Rhaena and Joffrey sighting. They were so cute! Rhaena is still trying to convince herself she doesn't need a dragon to be important 💔 and Joff just wants his momma. Nettles looks like she's officially scrapped. I'm so pissed. They could've totally given Rhaena something else to do in the meantime, they didn't have to merge Nettles and her story together. Wtf Sara and Ryan?! This is why people say there is a Team green bias and they aren't beating those accusations. What does this mean for Rhaena hatching Morning? There were four eggs does that mean she still has a chance to do it? I'm so mad. Then again after what Dumbass and Dunderhead pulled in the final seasons of GOT why tf am I surprised!

We saw baby Stormcloud!!! I never realized how much I missed seeing baby dragons on screen. It's like having baby Viserion, Rhaegal and Drogon back. My heart did a little quick thump. He was so derpy too 🥺🤣 How Aegon's supposed to get away on him is beyond me, he's literally the size of a kitten. The timeline is so messed up as well.

Daemon is still in spooky land and although I'm over it, I understand it's a culmination of all his regrets and things he wishes he could've had and done differently. We saw Vizzy T and that scene where it showed Daemon wanted to be there for him, he just didn't know how.... Man I kinda teared up. At the end of the day Daemon just wanted his brother's love and approval, he went about it in the wrong way because he's chaos personified but that's what it was always about to him. Vizzy T was his parental figure, his everything really and man 💔. Miscommunication trope strikes again. Him and Alys becoming friends even though she's the one that's tormenting him wasn't on my bingo cards. Somebody come get Caraxes outta there, I know he's bored asf. Every time we catch a glimpse of him he looks more and more over the entire thing. 🤣

One of the highpoints of the episode was Seasmoke. Dragons have personality y'hear me. More of that! Seasmoke is a whole clown 🤣🤣🤣. Why would he do Ser Steffon like that? I mean sure he got a little cocky but intentionally bending his neck for him to get on and then essentially saying “BITCH YOU THOUGHT” AND THEN BURNING THEM TO A CRISP?!! He was so funny for that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭. He said “get y'all mid looking asses on” I already got eyes for one person and he's so real for that. You guys think he used to have dragon conversations with momma Meleys about picking their riders? We know dragons pick their riders as much as riders claim their dragons but do you think Meleys taught him if the unfortunate should ever happen make sure and pick the baddest of the bunch? We know Meleys picked Rhaenys as Rhaenys picked Meleys, that was confirmed. Meleys said Pretty Women Only and do you think she told Seasmoke to get him a pretty rider to match his aesthetic if the need ever arises? I know Laenor hatched him but Laenor was pretty asf. Seasmoke saw Addam smiling on the beach once and said “yeah I gotta have that” plus it helps that he has dreads, a pretty smile, a pretty face and looks like Corlys. He said welcome back Laenor Velaryon. Addam being Laenor's brother makes it hysterical as hell too, I'm creased LMFAO. He didn't have to chase down Addam like that but I respect it, he saw what he wanted and shooters shoot. I too would chase down Addam until he accepts my advances and affection, Seasmoke been eyeing him for awhile.

Corlys is officially the hand of the rightful Queen of the 7 kingdoms.

We got canon bisexual Rhaenyra. Although I wish she was kissing another beautiful Velaryon instead, Laena I miss you so much baby, that was for me. Her and Mysaria kissing before Jace and Baela is egregious to me though. I'm just saying why everybody locking lips before the main og star couple?Rhaenyra smacking men, 100000s across the boards. She should've been doing that sooner but better late than never I suppose. That lady is still in her resentment of her husband era. Her face when Jace said they needed Daemon 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭 She's sick of hearing about that man. He's right btw, Rhaenyra go get him, he's out there giving our diva Simon grief. Mysaria actually helping her with PR and actually giving her great advice. I love women supporting women! Her sending food with her banners for the common folk was so politically savvy. Mysaria being one of the few that is actually coming in clutch to help her to win the war 😉. I still don't trust her though, something about this entire thing tells me it's gonna end badly for her. I'll enjoy them trauma dumping and bonding on one another before the shit hits the fan though. I know doomed Yuri when I see it. Jace and that one guard immediately knowing something is up with both of them is sending me though. She took off at the end of the episode to go confront her ex-husband's new dragon rider and Syrax about to be screaming at her dragon ex husband too apparently. 🤣🤣

Since they're essentially changing the entire plot and the leaks that I thought were written like fanfiction might actually be true could we get Jace surviving the battle of the gullet? It's not slated for this season but I'm here to spread my agenda. Since we're essentially fucking canon atp instead of in certain scenarios and all this for Bran the broken to sit the Iron Throne (I'm still fuckin disgusted and furious at that btw, fuck you D&D) could they switch that shit up? Let's come together and manifest it guys.

Until next week guys. I better see Baela, Rhaena, Jace and more dragons though. I'm here for them and them only.

And another thing, could you guys stop leaking shit. I block words and myself from certain pages and sites but y'know how stuff still slips through the cracks. Have some decorum and etiquette please!

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bassettmemes · 2 years

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THE LOVE HYPOTHESIS. ↳ quotes from the love hypothesis by ali hazelwood. some quotes have been edited for clarity or usability.

"carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man."

"i'm going to kill you."

"i wish you could see yourself the way i see you."

"i'm starting to wonder if this is what being in love is. being okay with ripping yourself to shreds, so the other person can stay whole."

"you can fall in love. someone will catch you."

"i'll come find you, and i'll take care of you."

"did you... did you just kiss me?"

"expiration dates are for the weak."

"i think about you before falling asleep. then i dream of you."

"it's fine. more material for my title ix complaint."

"this might be inappropriate, but, you are really extraordinary."

"i know it’s scary, being vulnerable, but you can allow yourself to care."

"everyone likes tall, broody, sullen hunks with genius iqs."

"a good kiss will do that: make a girl forget herself for a while."

"i liked you when i didn’t know you, and now that i do know you, it’s only gotten worse."

"you could stay mad, and we could go to your lab and throw test tubes full of toxic reagents at each other until the pain of third-degree burns overrides your shitty mood? sounds like fun, no?"

"my heart may be broken, but my brain is doing just fine."

"i'm fine. i mean, i wish i were dead, but aside from that..."

"i've never been surer of anything. except maybe cell theory."

"hypothesis: the more i mention an attachment in an email, the less likely i will be to actually include said attachment."

"are they deporting you back to canada because we've been sharing a netflix password?"

"tell them we didn't know it was a federal crime."

"i think that somewhere along the way i forgot that i was something. i forgot myself."

"academia takes a lot from you and gives back a little."

"not having a life came in handy sometimes."

"i do reserve the right to comment on your abysmal taste in men."

"pumpkin spice is satan’s dandruff, harbinger of the apocalypse, and it tastes like ass—not in the good way."

"hypothesis: if i fall in love, things will invariably end poorly."

"you just had to go and make me fall for you."

"a heart will break even more easily than the weakest of hydrogen bonds."

"there will only be one bed. it doesn't matter what it says; it's always one bed."

"i must say, the line between excellent career choice and critical life screwup is getting a bit blurry."

"you probably don’t like ice cream anyway, because you don’t enjoy anything that’s good in life."

"i have access to your google calendar, asshole. you're not busy. if you don't want to hang out with me, you can just be honest."

"to be fair, i don't like people in general."

"how much do you hate this, on a scale from one to ‘correlation equals causation’?"

"hypothesis: any rumor regarding my love life will spread with a speed that is directly proportional to my desire to keep said rumor a secret."

"approximately two out of three fake-dating situations will eventually involve room-sharing; 50 percent of room-sharing situations will be further complicated by the presence of only one bed."

"i'm never going to get used to the fact that professors are real people and have first names."

"that’s the thing with science. we’re drilled to believe that false positives are bad, but false negatives are just as terrifying."

"maybe so many years alone has warped me in some fundamental way."

"did this fortune cookie just throw shade at me?"

"based on the available information and the data hitherto collected, my hypothesis is that the farther away i stay from love, the better off I will be."

"i had financially rich, but emotionally poor, parents."

"talking on the phone is the hardest, most stressful thing in the world."

"no. i don't want to fake break-up."

#sentence starters #sentence prompts #sentence starter #sentence meme #roleplay prompts #rp prompts #rp prompt #writing prompts #writing prompt #romance starters #romantic starters #romantic rp meme #the love hypothesis sentence starters #the love hypothesis rp meme #the love hypothesis starters

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liverpool-enjoyer · 1 year

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footballers proposing/getting proposed to

requested by my homeboy @sztrapacska!!! ty luv <3 ik i cant pull the "i HaD sChOoL" excuse for my lateness this time so i'll jus be honest,,, i got hit w the inspiration bug n wrote a whole ass fic. abt a proposal. so i was a lil distracted. speaking of proposals actually,,,

leo: tbh it could go either way, with him proposing or getting proposed to. in the moment, he'll be really calm and collected, not at all like youd imagine someone who just experienced one of the happiest times of their life to be like. but the second he gets home hes bursting into happy tears.

ney: he gets proposed to, only cause he straight up kinda forgets about marriage as a concept. hes like "yeah we're dating and everythings fine and cool so why bother." so when leo gets sick and tired of waiting for his ass and pops the question himself neys caught TOTALLY off guard.

christian: one morning he'll be talking to his partner about wedding plans, n when he notices the extremely confused look on their face hes like "...oh SHIT i knew i was forgetting something."

lewy: oh lewandowski my beloved. hes a gun jumper. he rushes to propose prematurely without thinking of whether he and thomas are really ready for it. in fact,,, if you would like to know more about said proposal,, maybe you could read more about it here,,, (yeah its a shameless plug ok)

muller: angsty fic that i poured my heart and soul into aside, lets say thomas says yes. within five minutes of getting engaged, EVERYONES gonna know about it. hes running up to his friends and shoving his left hand in their faces so they can get a good look at the ring n hes like "!!! ROBERT AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!" its very cute, actually.

trent: drunkenly proposes to and marries an equally drunk robbo because they thought it would be funny.

sergio: though he'll deny it to ANYONE who even suggests it, hes the BIGGEST fuckin romantic when it comes to luka. so when it comes time to ask him to marry him hes not pulling any punches. dude plans a whole candlelit anniversary dinner at home with romantic spanish music playing in the background. how can luka say no.

luka: lukas not stupid, he sees the proposal coming from a MILE away (his friends suddenly inquiring about his ring size, sergio acting particularly jittery the weeks leading up to their anniversary, etc), but that doesnt mean hes any less happy. its weird, even though he totally sees it coming, he still cries like a mf (tears of joy, ofc).

alisson: now, he wants virgil to marry him, but he also wants to experience getting proposed to. so what does he do??? he "accidentally" leaves engagement ring catalogs lying around his and virgils place, and makes sure the tv always happens to be on the channel that shows reruns of say yes to the dress.

virgil: falls for it hook line and sinker. within a month of alisson putting his little plan into action, virgils dishing out the money for a ring. when it comes time to actually ask the question, hes SUPER nervous. so nervous, in fact, dude straight up forgets about the whole kneeling part. he jus takes out the ring and,,, asks. ali wouldnt have it any other way.

#also domi thank you so much i literally owe you my life cause im pretty sure this inspired me to write champagne problems #ruby i wrote the virgil/ali stuff for you i hope you enjoyed <3 #leo messi #neymar #neymessi #christian pulisic #robert lewandowski #thomas müller #thomas muller #mullendowski #trent alexnader arnold #sergio ramos #luka modric #modramos #alisson becker #virgil van dijk #liverpool fc #lfc #liverpool

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tarabyte3 · 2 years

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I Want You to Show Me Weak

Fandom: Andor

Pairing: Kino Loy/F!Reader

Chapter 3/27 (2.7k words)

->start at chapter 1<-

<- Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 ->

Summary: You're pretty sure Kino Loy hates you. He screams at you, grabs you, and shoves you against the wall, and it's becoming a problem because, well...it shouldn't fluster you as much as it does.

Warnings: Explicit rating, Smut, Prison, Prison sex, minor non-graphic injuries, Dom/Sub, sexual tension, dirty talk, praise, hair-pulling, light choking, unprotected sex, oral, angst

A/N: If you wanted Dom Kino on top of dirty talk Kino, boy do I have some good news for you 😌 Work title is from "Poison" by Vaults. Chapter title is from "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak.

AO3 Link

Chapter 3 - What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you

During your shift the next day, your hand hurts, but it's functional. It does slow you down, though, because you can't move it as well as you usually do. Alis is kind enough to help you out since he was already faster than you before you injured yourself. Now he's doing his job and nearly half of yours. You owe him big time.

But Kino's "not officially" comment is still rattling around in your skull. You're new enough that maybe you've missed something. So you ask your table if there are any unofficial rules you should know about. If anyone has more context for whatever the fuck yesterday was, outside of the whole…incident, it will be them. Because so far, the only actual rules you've been given are to do your work, keep up, don't get fried, and don't cause problems. If you do cause problems, take them to Kino. "Problems" appears to be the key word there. Covers all manner of sins.

Threl seems relieved that it sounds like you're trying to make an effort to stay out of trouble, bless his heart. He gives you a whole list of shower and tool etiquette, a lecture on respecting communal and private spaces like the cells, and what not to do during quiet hours. Which all seem like basic common sense to you because you know all of that already. You do all of it. But he says nothing about sex, possibly because he doesn't want to bring up sex to the only woman in the unit. Or the rules don't exist.

"What about fooling around?"

Jevid leans forward so he can be heard over the noise on the floor and his large belly presses against the table. "You really think Kino lets people get away with rough housing at all? You should know that better than anyone with how often you get your ass chewed."

"Once for rough housing, if I recall." Alis grins.

"Oh my god, you've all been in here far too long. No, I mean what about sex?"

They all stop, hands hovering over tools and parts, and turn almost as a group to look at you. There's an equal mix of confusion from the three younger men and concern from the three older men staring at you from around the table.

"What?? Why are you all staring at me?"

"What about it?" Alis asks with a furrowed brow, as if your question doesn't make any sense. "Sex is a pretty big topic, you're gonna want to narrow that down for us."

"Are there any rules about sex?"

They all glance around at each other, as though someone in the pod has the answers and will explain what is happening to the rest of them. Jevid clicks his tongue thoughtfully in the empty space where a tooth should be.

"Jeez, you guys are acting like I just mentioned the rancor in the room."

"That's because no one talks about it, duh." Taybus rolls his eyes at you. "You think we all walk around talking about how much we're getting laid? Or that we're getting laid at all?"

"Okay fine, how about this. Are there any rules forbidding sex? Because I'm one woman in here with forty nine men. I think my chances are a little better than yours."

"Oh my god." Sorrek sounds like someone is strangling him.

"Fine, forty eight. Happy?"

"No," Sorrek whimpers.

"Forty seven, sorry kid. Don't swing that way," Threl laughs.

You look at him in pleasant surprise. "Yeah? Well damn, Threl. Then you and I both have forty seven more chances than these fools."

"Forty six," Jevid grumbles. "I'm way too old for this bullshit."

"Fair enough, Jev." You glance at Taybus and grimace. "Let's just cut it down to forty five."

"Oh, fuck you!" He attempts to look angry, but he's trying not to laugh.

Alis, however, is fully shaking with laughter as he slides a part into place. "Woman, if you can find a way to have sex in here or get any privacy, then be my guest. Good for you, in fact. I got your high-five right here." He holds up his hand. "Most of us just…take care of it ourselves." He then waves his still raised hand around. Sorrek protests next to him. His face and ears have been turning dangerously red the entire conversation.

"Oh, and I don't?" You smirk. There is a mixture of groans and snorts in response, except Sorrek, who finally puts his head into his hands.

"But no," Alis adds, "there's no rules or anything. Just be respectful and don't get caught, you know?"

"Why, you see someone you fancy?" Taybus wags his eyebrows at you suggestively.

You have to fight not to glance over and look for Kino, and you tell yourself it's just because that weird interaction in the locker room is what led to this conversation. Not because you're attracted to him. Definitely not that.

"In this lot?" You snort. "Hardly."

"Why else would you be asking?" Taybus is grinning at you now, like he's caught on to something interesting. "You totally do. Who is it?!"

"That's enough," Threl sighs. "Did we not learn any lessons from yesterday? Let's focus."

Taybus ignores him. "It's Vage at table 1, isn't it? I saw him checking you out once."

"Nope. Don't worry, I won't steal your boyfriend." You wink at him.

Taybus flips you off from across the table. You go to return the rude gesture, when there's a hand on your shoulder. You jump and turn to see Kino standing next to you. He has a fake smile on his face. The kind he gets when he's pissed, but he wants to make a point first.

"I see we're all taking our jobs very seriously over here at table 7 today. So seriously that you're in," he pauses to check his data pad and several men at the table wince, "last place! Which puts our shift in fifth. So I have to wonder what is more fascinating than work?"

You start to say "nothing," but to your horror, Taybus butts in with, "She's got a boyfriend."

The panic washes over you and you sputter, "No I don't!' You glance at Kino in fear, but he just gives you an intrigued stare. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he's amused, even. "He's just kidding." And you don't know why you feel it's so important Kino knows that. The man could probably not care less. He does hate you, after all.

"But you asked about sex." Taybus continues, knowing damn well he should shut his mouth, but is unable to resist the opportunity to distress you further. Probably as payback for excluding him from the list. You feel your face burning with embarrassment. You suddenly wish the ground would open up, swallow you whole, and spit you out into the ocean.

"No! I didn't!" Even though you absolutely did. You just don't want Kino to know you're sniffing around after what he said to you. What will he think? Probably that you're trying to find a new way to piss him off. But he's been standing there the entire time, watching your face. Intently taking in every flash of horror and mortification.

Threl uncomfortably clears his throat.

"Enough," Kino finally growls out to the table. "Your numbers better be up by the time I come back around, got it?"

There is an off beat chorus of "Yes, Kino." He turns to look directly at you, waiting expectantly.

You squirm, and give a belated, low, "Yes, Kino."

"Good." There's a slight, pleased twitch in his eyebrow as he stares you down. He looks back around the table. "Unless you're looking forward to frying in ten hours, get to work!"

He finally removes his hand from your shoulder and stalks off. You hadn't realized it had been there the whole time. You glance at the spot he touched you without thinking about what you're doing because, now that it's gone, you can feel his absence and the thought makes your chest flutter.

"Way to go, you pissed him off again."

You quickly look up at the table, like you've been caught doing something you aren't supposed to. "Shut the fuck up, Taybus, and hand me the wrench or I swear to every god that will listen that I will smother you in the shower."

"And you'd deserve it, too." Alis says next to you. "Man, what's wrong with you? Bringing up her sex life to Kino? No wonder you aren't getting laid." The two begin to bicker as you all get back to work.

Jevid gives an annoyed grunt and checks his panel. However, you notice Threl and Sorrek eyeing you suspiciously. And you really hope they aren't going to corner you and bring this up again later.

They absolutely corner you and bring it up again later.

"You wanna tell me what that was about?" Threl crosses his arms and Sorrek looks apologetic next to him, but doesn't move. You're blocked in by the dads.

"Not really." You huff. "It's not your business and I'm far too old for the talk, guys! Come on." You give them a pleading look, hoping they'll drop it.

"It's my business if you get yourself in trouble again! They're gonna kick your ass out to some place worse than this if you keep it up." Threl sounds angry, and you feel bad that you somehow managed to stress him out this much.

"We're just worried about you. That's all this is." Sorrek gives you a kind smile. Aha, you think, the good dad, bad dad routine. You're annoyed that it's working.

"I know you are." You can't help but smile back at him, damnit. "Honestly, guys, there's nothing to worry about. Yesterday when he was patching me up, Kino asked about how I was doing and if…and if anyone had been…inappropriate to me." You wince a little because you didn't want Kino's name to be connected to this conversation at all, just in case one of them was too perceptive for their own good. "It just got me thinking. I wasn't sure what the expectations are about that stuff. Figured I may as well find out. Just in case…you know." Sorrek suddenly finds the ceiling very interesting because he can no longer meet your eyes. "That's all there is to it. Promise."

"So there isn't anyone…?" Threl trails off, letting the question hang between you.

"No. I have no prospects. There's no one throwing themselves at the pariah."

Threl's posture relaxes and he shakes his head. "Okay. Fair enough. Just be careful." Then he surprises you by giving you a mischievous grin. "I think you'd be surprised if you actually paid attention. But good luck, I've been trying to get some in here for years."

At that, Sorrek finally excuses himself with a scandalized look. You let him go and quickly turn on Threl for more details because you haven't gotten the chance to talk about it yet. The two of you gossip about who is hot or not in the corner until it's time to line up. You specifically don't mention how weird things with Kino are getting because you don't think he can handle that yet. And you aren't even sure what the fuck is going on or if you can handle it yet.

When you catch Threl and Kino talking the next day after shift, you swear it isn't on purpose. You're heading out from the showers and you overhear Threl's unmistakable deep voice from around the corner, which catches your attention. The voice that answers him is gruff and low. You'd also recognize that voice anywhere. Especially when it's saying your name. So you stop by the doorway and listen.

"Just promise me you didn't chew her ass out afterwards," Threl pleads. He sounds tired, like they've had this conversation before.

"I promise I didn't yell at her," Kino sighs, and you can feel his irritation from there. "Not that she didn't deserve it."

"You don't have to tell me. I don't know how she keeps shoving her foot in her mouth, but she's a good kid—"

"She's an adult, Threl. You're not that much older than her—"

"—and she's good at the job." Threl ignores him and pushes on. "You and I know it's more than just the work, too. It's how you work. She keeps up with Taybus and keeps him in line, and you know how hard that used to be." Kino grunts in response and you smirk at the floor. Because you'd really love to rub Taybus's face in that. "Edii loves having her there." Okay, at that you're a little surprised because you didn't think Edii has ever expressed a like or dislike for anything other than Taybus. "He's almost relaxed, Kino. He smiles now. Not often, but I know you can see the difference—"

"Yeah, I see it," Kino growls.

"—Hell, I really like her, she gets along great with Alis and Jevid, and Sorrek adores her."

There's a pause in their conversation where you begin to reflect on everything Threl just said because you hadn't thought of yourself as good for your table at all. You can be obnoxious and disruptive, and you keep getting in trouble. You don't know how any of them manage to like you despite that. Then Kino's voice pulls you from your thoughts.

"You're not telling me anything I don't already know. She could get by in here just fine if she would just think before she speaks. Or acts, apparently." You can tell he's annoyed. Which annoys you, even though you can't really blame him.

"I know she's a lot. But she isn't going to learn just because you yell at her."

"I've already figured that out, too," he huffs.

"You have, huh?" You can hear the smile in Threl's tone.

"I know what she needs." There's a confidence to that simple statement that sends a rush through you. Because what the fuck does that mean?

"What does that mean?" Threl warily echoes your unvoiced question.

"Nothing. Look, I just need you to trust me." That is the closest to begging you've ever heard Kino Loy get. "Especially when it comes to her."

You really wish you could see their faces right now. Especially Kino's because your brain is in overdrive trying to work through his words like it's a code or puzzle. Why does he have to be so mysterious and unreadable all of the time?

"Alright. I trust you, Kino. You know I do."

"Good. Now I have to go do a sweep of the showers. I'll see you later."

You jump up in panic and scramble to get away from the doorway. You can't imagine how pissed Kino will be if he catches you eavesdropping. It isn't until you're trying to act natural, and Kino is turning the corner, that you realize you were so focused on not getting caught that you forgot you're only in a towel. He stops the second he sees you and stares at you in surprise. You stare back at him.

"Hi!" You wince because there was way too much enthusiasm in your voice. So much for acting natural.

He doesn't respond. But his eyes drop away from your face and slowly glance over your towel wrapped body. It's slow enough that it's obvious what he's doing. It's slow enough that you feel like he's absorbing every inch of you. Memorizing you. And you let him because it never occurs to you that you can stop him or leave. That you have any other choice but to let him.

Because maybe you want him to.

Because maybe, if you were a braver woman, you would remove your towel and let him look even more and see if you can crack his stony expression. Or beckon him to you and let him remove it himself.

"Are you done in here?" His indifferent voice snaps you out of your thoughts. You're disturbed because where the fuck did that come from? Also, how is he so unaffected? He checked you out and now he's just, what, standing there like nothing happened?

Maybe he didn't see anything he likes, you think. And why does that thought bother you so much?

"Yeah, sorry." You hunch in on yourself, holding your towel to your chest, and you run out, giving him a wide berth. You know with absolute certainty that you're not actually leaving, but are, in fact, running away.

NEXT CHAPTER->

#andor fanfic #andor #kino loy #kino loy x reader #kino loy x f!reader #i want you to show me weak fic #fanfiction

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imabee-oralizard · 2 years

Text

The love hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood

Quotes

August 27th-September 16th

“ Right now she just needs out. The talk. Of the room. Of her own life.“-(ch 6)

“ You are such a smart-ass.”-Adam(ch 6)

“ He really did smell good. And he was funny in a weird, deadpan way, and yes, unknown ass, but friendly enough to her that she could sort of ignore that about him. Plus, he was spending a small fortune on sugar for her. Truly, she had nothing to complain about.“-(ch 6)

“ Wishing she’d gone ahead and drawn 20 dicks all over Anh's face.”-(ch 6)

“Right. Yes. Good suggestion. Olive did breath, and and the act made her realize that she hadn't done that in a while.”- Olive(ch 6)

“He looked…Not gross.”-Olive(ch 6)

“He's really into you. I can tell from the way he stares at you.”-Anh(ch 6)

“Because this was her life, and these were her poor, moronic, hare brained choices.”-Olive(ch 7)

“And the way he looked at her, kind and curious and patient…she must be hallucinating it.”-Olive(ch 7)

“I wish you were Salt-and-Vinegar chips.”-Olive (ch 18)

“You would, wouldn't you? Hate everything that is delicious and lovely and comforting.”- Olive (ch 8)

“You just want to live in your dark, bitter world made of black coffee and plain bagels with plain cream cheese. And occasionally salt-and-vinegar chips.”(ch 8)

“Olive had to convince her lungs not to stop working, to keep taking in oxygen.”-(ch 8)

“Public speaking, or even one-on-one situations where I have to impress people. That's the worst, actually. I hate it so much- my head explodes and I freeze and everyone is looking at me ready to judge me and my tongue paralyzes and I start wishing that I was dead and then that the world was dead.”-Olive(ch 8)

“I don't know. Maybe my brain is broken.”-Olive(ch 8)

“Olive, you should talk about it. And let yourself be weepy.”-Adam(ch 8)

“She was fine, this was fine, she could cry about this later.”-Olive(ch 9)

“She felt so safe with him.Invincible. A true slayer. He turned her into a powerful, ferocious person.”-Olive(ch 17)

“He was always handsome, but now, in the witching hour, he took her breath away.”-Olive(ch 17)

“Who needs to say ‘I love you’ in every language? People barely need it in one. Sometimes not even in one.”-Olive(ch 17)

“She'd been better off not knowing how attractive he sounded when speaking another language.”-Olive(ch 17)

“She’d braced herself, but it still felt like a punch in the sternum that left her void of air. Caused her stomach to twist and her heart to drop.”-Olive(ch 17)

“Olive wondered a lot of things, then told herself to stop. It wouldn't matter less, now.”-Olive(ch 18)

“It was a weird kind of ache, jealousy . Confusing, unfamiliar, not something she was used to. Half cutting, half disorienting and aimless, so different from the loneliness she’d felt since she was fifteen.”-(ch 18)

“Because I'm starting to wonder if this is what being in love is. Being okay with ripping yourself to shreds. So the other person can stay whole.”-Olive(ch 18)

“They closed their eyes and let themselves just be, here, with each other, quite, still, one last time.”-(ch 19)

“When she heard the click at the door of the door closing behind her, it was like falling from a great height.”-(ch 18)

“Something inside her- her heart, very possibly- was broken in several large pieces, not shattered as much as neatly snapped in half, and then in half again.”-(ch 19)

“Her heart may be broken but her brain was doing just fine.”-(ch 19)

“She cursed herself for never checking the peephole. She truly deserved to be axed by a serial killer.”-(ch 19)

“Olive was not in the mood for socializing, or beer, or freedom trails, but at some point she was going to have to learn to productively navigate society with a broken heart.”-(ch 19)

“She told herself that she needed to be strong, to be pragmatic, to be numb.”-(ch 19)

“He's the most disgusting, detestable, shameful, disgraceful human being. I hope he has explosive diarrhea as we speak. I hope he gets genital warts. I hope he gets genital warts. I hope he has to live saddled by the largest, most painful, hemorrhoid in the universe.”-Malcolm(ch 19)

“Nuh-uh, this is a hallmark movie. Or a poorly written young adult novel. That will not sell well. Olive, tell Malcolm to keep his day job, he'll never make it as a writer.”-Anh(ch 19)

“God, ol, you're such an idiot. But a way lovable idiot, and my idiot.”-Anh(ch 19)

“You two can be so smart and yet so slow.”-Malcolm(ch 19)

“People who cross me will come to regret it.”-(ch 20)

“A lot of lies. So many lies she'd told, so many true things she could have said but never did, all because she'd been scared of the truth, of driving the people she moved away from her. All because she'd been afraid to lose them. All because she didn't want to be alone again.”-(ch 20)

“Her voice was barely audible in the chaos going on around them, but it was what got through to him.”-(ch 20)

“He was warm, and smelled like himself, like safe and home.”-Olive(ch 20)

“Did this fortune cookie just throw shade at me?”-Holden(ch 20)

“You can fall in love:someone will catch you.”-(ch 20)

“I don't like twenty- five- year-olds who act like toddlers. I don't mind them if they're actually three.”-Adam(ch 20)

“She loved him even more for it. For looking at her like she was the beginning and end of his every thought.”-(ch 20)

#the love hypothesis #Kylie reads the love hypothesis #favorite quotes #done

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jayy-day-library · 1 year

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REVIEW: The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood

Rating: 3/5

Synopsis

As a third-year Ph.D. candidate, Olive Smith doesn't believe in lasting romantic relationships--but her best friend does, and that's what got her into this situation. Convincing Anh that Olive is dating and well on her way to a happily ever after was always going to take more than hand-wavy Jedi mind tricks: Scientists require proof. So, like any self-respecting biologist, Olive panics and kisses the first man she sees.

That man is none other than Adam Carlsen, a young hotshot professor--and well-known ass. Which is why Olive is positively floored when Stanford's reigning lab tyrant agrees to keep her charade a secret and be her fake boyfriend. But when a big science conference goes haywire, putting Olive's career on the Bunsen burner, Adam surprises her again with his unyielding support and even more unyielding... six-pack abs.

Suddenly their little experiment feels dangerously close to combustion. And Olive discovers that the only thing more complicated than a hypothesis on love is putting her own heart under the microscope.

Review

I am not the smartest person when it comes to biological science, so a lot of whatever the hell hey were talking about really went over my head while reading this book. Aside from that, this story really did capture my heart despite it being from the infamous Book Tok. Though, this book wasn't exactly as it was marketed to be from readers. When many talked about spice, it sounded like this entire story was meant to be erotica. The reality is that there was really only one sex chapter, which given the traits of our beloved heroin, Olive, it makes sense.

The prologue drew me in immediately. I'm a sucker for a good laugh especially if it's relatable. I've learned my lesson from wearing expired contacts myself! Immediately after reading the prologue, I knew we had our hero. Then suddenly two years and eleven months later we find Olive kissing some guy who is none other than our hero himself, Adam Carlson.

One thing that irks me about the beginning of the book is the first chapter where it is described that Olive had kissed Adam without his consent. At the beginning of the story, the two of them are the perfect strangers who stand at very different levels in their careers - Adam is a professor, Olive is a student which isn't exactly the power dynamic I usually go for in contemporary romance novels. While I love a good plot in STEM, specifically women in STEM, I find that the relationship could've been represented better with a more preferable age gap that does not make it seem too inappropriate. However, they do end up making it work as they start becoming more comfortable with each other, so I guess that works.

"I'm starting to wonder if this is what being in love us. Being okay with ripping yourself into shreds, so the other person can stay whole."

Both Adam and Olive have admirable goals in their careers; Olive's pancreatic cancer project and Adam's fight for his research fund while under suspicion that he may be moving to another university. This story is very much character driven with not much character development. But, if you're looking for that grumpy x sunshine fake dating trope, well then this book is perfect for you. I noticed that this story did not focus much on the flaws of the characters which added to the lack of character development, aside from them being more comfortable with each other as the story progressed. The more we got introduced to new characters, the more I started to realize that each character lacked diversity. It seemed that they each had either the same or a similar personality. Which while entertaining for certain character interactions, it all seemed repetitive in the end.

"Olive had felt that he was on her side. Over and over, and in ways that could never have been anticipated, he had made her feel unjudged. Less alone."

Conclusion

All in all, I feel that while the relationship was cute and had great development, the story could've used more personal character development for the individual characters. One thing that I did enjoy that I tend to joke about quite a bit is the fact that even though they had no "one bed trope," they ended up making their own anyways and I thought that was funny. The best takeaway from this book is that it surrounds the difficulties of women in STEM and the fact that Adam became her biggest protector in the end made my heart flip. Nothing is sexier than a man who will do anything for his woman even if it means pinning a man against the wall and threatening to kill him. Hopefully you find this book enjoyable as much a I did despite it's many flaws and it's redeeming qualities that balanced it out.

"If you say another word about the woman I love, if you look at her, if you even think about her - I'm going to fucking kill you."

#authors #the love hypothesis #ali hazelwood #books #bookish #book blog #book review #booklr #booktok

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kandadiff · 2 years

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Van Der Wulff : Halloween in a Castle

The castle was grand. Really decorated how it would have been in the past with colorful tapestries and classical paintings that decorated the walls. It was pure elegance which was an odd juxtaposition to the more modern music playing in the ball room. I originally walked in with Damien (as the devil) and max (as Bugs Bunny) on each arm. To be honest, I didn’t want to come. The whole blood situation combined with the anonymous ‘L’ text made me want to stay in the bedroom I was assigned.

I walked around the party, laughing at the playful jokes about my costume watching who it infuriated so I could maybe figure out who even set up that bucket in the first place. But I couldn’t tell – I could barley tell who anyone was. Some people were wearing masks and soon I grew frustrated and returned to my room to change into another less – obvious costume. All while Damien and max texted me to make sure I was okay. They have been really sweet since homecoming. I was spending most- if not all of my time at Damiens penthouse since. Max frequently coming over to check on us.

I had just managed to zip up the cheerleader costume from Jennifer’s body when my phone dinged. I was about to just call the boys and tell them I was on my way down when a text from an Unknown number filled me with dread.

UNKNOWN: You girls all look like pretty dolls in a great big castle. But I want to remind you that I am still the queen! And the queen orders you to give Jackson your undying attention tonight until I demand you pull away.

Feeling bold and frankly, not in the mood, I typed back. ‘And if I don’t want to play your games?’

I was met with pictures. Candid shots of me and Professor Jefferson, it was undeniable what we were doing in his office. Something that was very against the rules of not only the school but he was Naomi’s father. The number texted back.

‘UNKNOWN: If you refuse the queen, I’ll let you choose who I send these too. Negan, Naomi or your parents. Imagine what they would do. Xoxoxo L’

I tossed my phone on the bed and ran my hands through my hair. Lux was the only one who knew about this affair. Was this cunt back? No she went missing, Makayla saw her after we kicked her ass in the woods get into a car. Where would she even go? After she went missing her family sold there house and moved away. Now this, well this was exactly a Lux thing to do. I sighed and looked at the pictures again. I had to play her game to keep this buried.

I sucked in a breath and headed downstairs. I spotted Jackson right away, he was tispy dancing with a few people and I strode confidently to him. I saw Damien and Max on either side of the ballroom eyeing my next move. The pictures swirled in my mind as I saw his newly dyed blonde hair, clinging with sweat to his forehead. His pirate costume charmingly jingling around as he danced with someone in a mask I didn’t recognize.

I knew there was one word I could say to get his attention off anyone else but me. “Puppy.” I called out to him. The way he turned towards me made my heart ache. His big brown eyes and goofy smilelooked just like his nickname and I held out my hands. “Dance with me?” Whichever girl was next to him tried to pull him towards her but it was no use. He took my hand and lead me to the dance floor.

“You think Damien would hook up with me tonight?” Tori whispered to you excited. Her arm was linked in yours as soon as Xavier stepped away. What was taking him so long? You tried to pull away but she just went to you closer. So you tuned her out instead looking around when you spotted Edward.

‘Son of a bitch!’ you thought. There was Edward dressed like Danny Zuko from grease, with Ali on his arm dressed as Sandy. You rolled your eyes after making eye contact with him your eyes rolling to Camila dressed as Cinderella, hanging onto Shawn who was dressed as Captain America. He was staring longingly at you. He motioned with his head for you to step away with him but you just looked away.

“Would you ever hook up with Damien?” You heard Tori ask and jerked your arm away confused.

“What?”

“Just a question.” She said blinking innocently. “How about a threesome?”

“Tori can you get me a drink?” You asked and her brown eyes widened.

“Yeah okay, what do you want?”

“The stronger the better.” You said and she nodded quickly weaving through the crowd. You quickly left the spot you were in in search for Xavier. You spotted him by Tatianna, both laughing and drinking. You wanted to be upset because your drink was in his hand but how could you? He was laughing with his best friend. Finally out of the big house and into freedom. You smiled as you walked toward him. A loud ding from your phone pissing you off and you took out your phoen to place it on silent seeing the familiar unknown number texting you.

UNKNOWN: You girls all look like pretty dolls in a great big castle. But I want to remind you that I am still the queen! And the queen orders you to kiss his friend. Any friend but it has to be one hes close to.’

You looked down at your phone annoyed. Quickly texting back ‘who the fuck are you?”

UNKNOWN: Doesn’t matter. I know who you are and you can refuse to do it. But then again….How will Xavier feel if he knew the woman he loved not only let him take the fall for the crime he spent 4 years behind bars for but also hooked up with the police officer that convicted him.’ Pictures of you and mark in his car flooded your phone so fast you quickly lowered your brightness in hope no one would see. ‘UNKNOWN: Play my game, and no one will know xoxo L.’

You stared at the L on the end of the text. L…Lux. She was the only one who knew about you and Mark. Was she back? No. You thought her dead. She had to be, draven beat her. You beat her. I beat her. But this person – whoever it was had proof.

You eyed Xavier, seeing now Robin and Billy approaching. His best friends. Your new targets if you were to play.

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covetyou · 6 months

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hey there, my bootyliking sweetie! I’m here to play a game of horny ‘WOULD YOU RATHER’ with you, BUT it comes with a little evil twist 😈

WOULD YOU RATHER:

fuck Joel, but he talks about his dead ex wife all the time and breaks down crying mid-fuck [though he will still make you cum]

fuck Dieter, but he’s silent and seems uninterested at all [except his dick is hard]

aly omg. this is deliciously evil.

realistically I don't think I could take anyone seriously if they cried and sobbed mid-fuck, sorry Joel, go fuck your therapist if that's what you need to do but that ain't me.

fucking someone who is totally uninterested but still hard? bb that's just like having a human sex toy to use, that sounds like perfection to me LET'S GO, come here Dieter.

#coveted asks #aly you have my whole ass heart

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hmslusitania · 2 years

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Sharing different heartbeats in one night

5x18 spec! Spoilers for the things we know or can guess accurately about 5x17 and 5x18

"Penny for your thoughts?" Eddie asks, handing Buck the beer he'd gotten from the bartender. Buck is leaning against one of the trees in the park, staring into the middle distance, and he doesn't look particularly anything. Not happy, not sad, not...

"A whole entire penny?" Buck asks, taking the bottle while the corner of his mouth twitches.

"Eh, I was rounding up," Eddie says and Buck knocks his shoulder into Eddie's in reprimand. "But seriously, you look very out of it."

"Oh, yeah, just thinking," Buck says. Eddie opens his mouth and Buck cuts him off with a quick, "I know, I know, always dangerous."

Eddie snorts and sips his beer, scanning the party. Hen and Karen are absolutely absorbed in each other on the dance floor, and near them, Maddie and Chim are having a tentative slow dance that doesn't quite match the tempo of the song, but it looks hopeful anyway. Near death experiences will do that, Eddie supposes. Bring people back together.

"Where's Taylor?" Eddie asks, forcing himself to sound neutral. Neutral is the best he's ever been able to get.

"We broke up," Buck says.

Eddie has to remind himself a few times that "congratulations" is not the appropriate response to someone ending their longest ever relationship.

The party continues late into the night. Hen and Karen leave for their second wedding night sometime around sunset, but the rest of their group stays to dance the night away. At some point, Eddie loses Chris to Toni and Clive's offer to take all three boys -- Denny, Chris, and Harry -- for a slumber party, and Eddie gets to stay and have fun. He dances with Maddie for a minute, and takes a turn with Athena while Bobby laughs, and with some of Karen's friends, and the entire time it weighs on him.

Buck is single now.

Buck is single. And Eddie is single. And Eddie's in love with him.

Not only is he in love with him, but he's doing well enough now that he can admit that to himself, he can hold that thought in his mind -- in his heart -- and it doesn't feel like a live wire anymore. It feels hot to the touch still, sure, but more like cupping a warm mug of coffee in his palms than something deadly.

And Buck is single.

And Eddie could tell him.

"Come dance," he says instead when he finds Buck sitting by himself at one of the tables. It's a relatively safe request, since it's a fast song, and Eddie's been dancing with a group of people that includes Chim, Ravi, May, and someone who might be in charge of the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter.

"Yeah, alright," Buck says, and allows himself to be dragged to the dance floor.

There's a pervasive sense of joy that seeps through the whole reception. A happiness and acceptance and general wellness that settles in Eddie's bones. And yeah, he's still got some shit to work through, but he's doing so, so much better.

He could tell him.

They share an Uber home -- Taylor's keeping the apartment and Buck's been sleeping on her couch, so it makes good sense for him to just come home with Eddie -- and they're about to turn onto Eddie's street when he finally works up the courage.

"Buck--"

"I've been thinking--"

They both fall silent and do a shuffle of you go, no you go first that results in Buck going first.

"I've been thinking I need to try being single," Buck says and Eddie's stomach falls out through his ass while his heart jumps to his throat. "I -- I think the only time I've really been single, it wasn't my choice, right, because Abby left and then Ali broke up with me, and it definitely wasn't like it was something I chose and so I didn't want it and I didn't try to use it. But now, now it's like, I broke up with her, so I should try to embrace it, right, and I should, like, figure out how I can just be me. With-without trying to be a certain version of myself just to try and make someone else happy. I have to figure out how to be happy with myself. You know?"

"Yeah," Eddie says softly. Because it makes sense, it definitely makes sense, even if it takes that nascent shred of joy and courage that had been bubbling in Eddie's chest and smashes it like a bug on a windshield. "Yeah, that sounds like a healthy and mature decision to make."

Buck smiles, ducking his head in that bashful way he does.

The Uber stops at the foot of Eddie's driveway.

"What were you gonna say?" Buck asks while they slide out of the backseat and simultaneously fish for keys. Buck finds his first and lets them in to Eddie's house.

"Nah, nothing much," Eddie says. He swallows the lump in his throat and warms his hands on the cup of coffee in his head. It'll still be there, when Buck's ready. "Just that you can stay with us as long as you want."

#the ghost ship scribbles #9-1-1 #911fic #buddie #buddie fic #anti bucktaylor #cue season 6 Extreme Pining Era #911 season 5 speculation #911 spoilers

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justanotherrpmeme · 2 years

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Consequences of Advanced Spellcasting

" Jesus, we could not have screwed up that spell worse, and we can't take it back. ” " Yeah, I don't really do slow. ” " There are certain energies, certain spells, which are far too powerful for one magician alone. ” " If you lose control, they will turn against you. They will kill you. ” " They will consume you. Change you... into something else. ” " Hey, babe, it's me. Um, ahem, just got your message. I'm so sorry, I got stuck. ” " Never gets old, does it? ” " Better than money. Better than sex. ” " We've both been so busy with school. ” " You're kicking ass. Just don't forget to manage your shit. ” " Now, try holding these. ” " So clean. Very advanced. ” " This might actually be hard. ” " What took you so long? I'm starving. ” " Welcome to our gracious abode. ” " Oh, come on. He's a high-strung super nerd. We love those. ” " I'm not an experienced drinker, ” " Wait, you don't wanna try it again, do you? ” " I need to know the truth, that's all. ” " Well, the last time we asked that question, somebody died. ” " Never mind. What do you care? ” " You're stupid. You have a stupid face. ” " The whole thing is fucking pointless. ” " You know, as a psychic, you'd think you'd have seen all this coming. ” " Okay, I'll work on it. Jeez. ” " So, it's got lots of space. Lots of light. It looks really great. ” " Okay, can we just talk about this now? Where is your head? ” “ Why do I feel like I'm talking to myself? ” " I'm--I've just been busy with class-- ” " Are you seeing someone else? ” " Why would you ask that? ” " I'm just--I'm starting to feel like the asshole. ” " Hey... I love you. You know that. Look, I know I've been moody lately, but... I feel a lot better. ” " We believe it's a garden variety haunting. ” " I just--I don't trust her. ” " Okay, look. I just-- I think trying to drown people seems a little violent. ” " He may not have even known what he was doing. ” " So you gonna tell me what's in the box or... ” " Shit. Uh, let me-- let me try it again. ” " Should be easy. You're distracted. ” " So how do you manage it all? ” " I'm not judging you. I started out like you and you have a good life. ” " All I know... you have to mean it for magic to work. ” " That wasn't so hard, was it? ” " Know what? I did hear about that. ” " Loathe as I am to admit it, I don't actually know anything. ” " Sit. Relax. Let your mind wander. ” " It's pretty simple. But you gotta start by letting go, tough guy. ” " That part of my life is behind me. ” " I know how it sounds, but I was young and... ” " You know how it is when you're that age. You get...terrible ideas. ” " I thought I could make him love me again. ” " Oh, some kind of love spell? ” " I thought if I could make myself prettier. ” " Oh...God. No one warned you how dangerous that was? ” " Wait here. I'll be back. I'm gonna fix this. ” " It was-- It was totally untested. ” " I begged him to stop, but he wouldn't, and that's when it went totally out of control. ” " I think we're close. Hold this, will you? ” " Let me do the talking. ” " What the hell are you doing here? You know these guys? ” " You say that like I had a choice. ” " So this is it, huh? The real you. ” " Do you ever stop to think about how maybe you treated me? ” " Why are you saying this? ” " No, that's not true. I-- You know how I felt about you. ” " Admit it. Just admit it. ” " So, you're gonna punish me for that? ” " I don't know what else to say. ” " I'm sorry, but I mean it. You could really get hurt doing this shit, and for what? Grow up. ” " Do you love magic? Is it in your soul? Is it like the secret heart of what you always were? ” " I made the mistake of thinking you were just psychic, but it... it's more complicated. ” " This is not a joke. You do not have the luxury to mess around now that this is out of the bottle. ” " You will study this. You will master this. Do you understand? ” " I don't know what happened. I don't know how it got so bad. ” " How long were you to douchebags gonna leave me out there? ” " Look, they're not even alive. Th--they're... something else. ” " What? Just because you couldn't do it? ” " You're making it up as you go along ” " I'm not patronizing you. I'm telling you that this is not a good idea. ” " I was kinda surprised you called. Thought you disappeared again. ” " You wanna talk about it? Please? ” " I-- I don't know how to talk about it. I got involved with something. ” " I started taking it when I was applying to grad school, and then I was taking more and more. ” " I-- Can I-- I don't know, can I hug you? ” " I can't believe it's you. I missed you so much. I don't even know what to say. ” " It's not gonna work. You have to stop. ” " Why did you think you had to save me? "

#roleplay meme #sentence meme #ask meme #rp meme #meme

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imaginesandideas · 3 years

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the keys

Happy Sinday! 🥳 I’ve been teasing y’all about this one long enough, so here it is!!

summary: You’ve had a bad day, so you go to the one place on Crockett Island that feels like home...

word count: 3,5 k-ish ooof

WARNINGS: A LOT of emotions and some confessions, slightly philosophical and existential themes, mentions of death, grief and nightmares, but most of all, it’s NSFW (18+ only pls) and poetic filth (also remember to wrap it before you tap it my darlings!)

p.s: Hassan is a switch and I take no criticism 🤭

~~~~~

The day started off beautifully.

You keep reminiscing that goodbye kiss. His fingers were keen but reserved, as if he was stopping himself, or the both of you for that matter, because it was already 9am on Friday. There were things for you to get done before the weekend, meetings to attend, people to talk with… the regular.

“I- have- to- go-“ he purred into your lips with each intake of breath between rushed kisses.

“Me-too- sheriff-“ you responded back emphasizing the last word with a smirk.

You’re just as breathless as he is. Cause he makes you feel so many things, makes you smile even now when you think about that morning.

When he’s pulled back, a tired sigh escaped his lips.

“Wade is going to give me a lecture about being late again. And it’s all because of you, you know?”

And though he was making a tough guy face again, all serious and frowned, you couldn’t help but get lost in the softness of his warm, smooth gaze. So full of devotion that you wish you could shrink yourself sometimes.

But the day went on. And pretty quickly it isn’t just memories of him that cloud your mind...

Maybe it’s just one of these days, you think. Sometimes everything is too much, even the normal, repetitive tasks seem too hard to bear.

And so you end up walking yourself to the El Shabbaz home instead of your own earlier than usually, not really hoping that he’ll be there.

Well, you know for a fact that he’s at the school meeting, he’s been stressed about it all week, partially because he’s been having some problems with Ali lately. The boy is clearly going through some sort of a phase, normal at his age but still. It’s something new. For both of them. Especially after the loss of Ali’s beloved mother and Hassan’s soulmate…

The key feels even heavier your hand now than it did when he first gave it to you.

You didn’t get the whole idea at first, laughed it off, called him a party-killer to which he responded with a sincere „just in case”.

But underneath it all, you felt grateful. For the trust he’s given you, for the fact that he’s opened up to you enough to actually let you in. For the fact that he literally gave you a key to his life on the island forgotten by everyone.

Especially grateful, because today you feel like you have nowhere to go, despite having a house of your own nearby. And you crave the safety he provides you with.

The house is empty upon your arrival. Looking around you notice Ali’s backpack tossed in the corner, so you assume he must be busy catching the last breaths of freedom somewhere, before his dad comes home and grounds his ass for good after today’s parent-teacher meeting.

It feels natural to be surrounded by these walls by now. Wrapped in their familiar warmth, identical to the one Hassan carries with himself everyewhere he goes. In the firm but gentle way he walks, speaks, touches. With the attention and empathy he emanates.

But you aren’t a visitor here anymore, no, you know which way to go, and almost instantly, you head towards Hassan’s bedroom. It’s only fair since you’re seeking a temporary shelter of his presence. Even if he’s not physically there.

Once inside, you smile softly. There are some clothes scattered here and there, some already folded. At his nightstand, some trinkets, memories locked inside objects. You note that he borrowed that book you were talking so much about from the local library. Even started reading it. The thought itself makes your heart grow a little fonder.

Now, you don’t remember falling asleep but here you are, fully awake, fully clothed under a thick blanket that smells exactly like him. Α significant contrast to the feeling of cold sweat running down your back.

It was a nightmare, still alive in your head and heart. An irrational one really, a mess of horror, gore and running. The details already become a blur as you blink away the darkness that surrounds you. But maybe sometimes it’s better like this, to not remember.

When you pick up your phone it’s past 11pm already.

And at an instant, you hear him. Hear his footsteps on the squeaking wooden floors, his exhausted groans.

Then you hear him in the kitchen. The dishes as they’re being carefully put in the sink, most likely after he and Ali have had a late dinner.

You wonder if they prayed together before Ali went to sleep. There’s been some tension between them around this topic in the past few weeks, and you know just how much it affects Hassan as a father. It saddens him but he doesn’t want to fight his son, he wants to lift him up above everything else.

And then you hear something you haven’t heard before, a melody. It’s a quiet, hushed one, but nevertheless it’s sweet to your ears.

It never crossed your mind how his voice would sound if he sang, but hearing it makes him seem like a different person. The lyrics are foreign to you, maybe it’s not even English, you cannot tell from afar. But it’s so mellow, so smooth. Like you’re in a dream again, but this time it’s a good dream.

You close your eyes, wrapped in his smell, tone, his warmth.

His touch.

„Hey… oh love, you should’ve texted me, I wouldn’t make so much noise, wouldn’t wake you up.”

The man sat on the edge of his own bed is wrapping the covers slightly tighter around you, eyes wide and attentive, rough hands somehow even more careful. And he’s worried, you see it in the wrinkles around his eyes and on his forehead when the nightstand lamp finally illuminates his face.

„Hassan.” You sit up suddenly, arms hardly enveloping his broad frame. He smells like cigarette smoke and something peppery, like herbs he brews for a better sleep. The hairs from his beard scratch the top of your head briefly before he plants a prolonged kiss there. His embrace calms you down, it always does. And still, your voice trembles ever so slightly as you speak again, this time into his chest. „I just had a terrible day and thought I’d stop by. Wanted to wait for you but I think I fell asleep, and now you’re here.”

„Shhh, it’s alright, I know… I know how it feels…” He whispers with a pained sigh. Both of you inhale deeply in an almost meditative manner, and exhale nearly simultaneously. You chuckle at that and he smiles to himself.

„You used the key.”

He’s smiling even wider now, proud like a lion. You can’t see it, still glued to his chest, but you feel it in the way it puffs out with pride underneaths your fingertips, in the way his voice rings over your head.

Slowly, you crane your neck to look him in the eyes.

He’s so smug about it, with that damn smirk on his face.

„Yeah I did. And what about it?”

A dry chuckle.

„What about it? Well, a ‘thank you’ would be nice for starters?”

But your lips are at his first and he doesn’t mind, instead he plays along your little game. His hands are slowly becoming greedy as they glide over your sides, groping with each confirmatory moan that leaves your mouth.

Your fingers desperately try to reach his skin but it’s like his clothes purposefully stand in your way, effectively shielding him from you.

You want him out of that damn shirt, you want to rip it off and feel him instead.

Suddenly Hassan pulls away. Both of you pant as he warily turns around to peek at the door. Always a father. And it looks so hot on him, it makes you want him inside you even more.

„You drive me fucking insane.” He breathes out.

„I know.” Of course you’re teasing him, provoking the reaction you desire the most.

He knows, he’s smart and you’re more than aware of this. He could leave you right now and save his pride, but that same pride won’t let it slide just like that, not when he has you at his grasp. So close he can feel your heart beating nearly in the same rhytm as his.

Beautiful like a dream, with disheveled hair and heated skin.

And when he looks as you like this, you just know.

It takes you forever, even longer than that evening, hell, longer than that whole damned day. Cause it took hours on hours on hours of building each others’ trust. But it’s out at the speed of light and yet it seems like eternity almost.

„I think I love you.” You whisper.

Hassan stops breathing for a second or two, or so it appears. His mouth agape but you catch a glipse of sparkle in his eyes.

„You- think?!”

No, he doesn’t even give you a chance to add anything and instead knocks the air out of your lungs as he launches forward, locking lips with yours again. And this time it’s more fervent, moving down to your neck, teeth worshiping your skin with slow but violent markings.

And then, lower, but only when you nod at him in consent as you lay down. Right now you’d do anything just to make him go faster, just to cut your bated breath short.

Desperately, you grip the longer strands of hair atop his head and he hums into your freshly uncovered hip.

He keeps dreaming of your skin, have been ever since he’s touched you for the first time. And every time he gets a chance, like a starved man, he feasts. Feeds of the feel of your skin, off your touch. Mouth latches onto the flesh of your thighs, and he nips and sucks, leaves a trail of kisses down your legs while removing the oh-so irritating pieces of clothing along the way. When he sits up again it’s only so he can quickly get out of his own clothes completely.

And to admire you. Your perfectly carved form reflecting in his eyes.

And you too cannot help but just stare, in complete awe of him, of the things he does to your head.

Brows furrowed in an alluring way. Mouth curling into a smirk when your eyes descend over his heaving abdomen. Eyes so dark you could swim in their night abyss.

“Stop staring, or I won’t be able to stop myself any longer.”

His voice is almost authoritative now and you straighten your leg in an attempt to reach him somehow.

“Then don’t.” You tease. And it’s already too late to turn back.

Hassan shoots you a scolding look and you groan, helpless as ever. He’s about to ravish you whole, even if he keeps acting that he’s taking his sweet time with you.

In no time he crawls in between your parted legs.

“Hassan! Oh-”

You’re trapped, a moaning mess trying to shimmy away and out of the reach of his puffed lips and thick tongue, the sharp scratches of his soft beard on your delicate skin. It’s like his face was sculpted to please. To please you. Now he just wants to hear a whine, a cry. A plea.

Hassan wants you on the edge, begging, praising him.

He needs to see you break right in front of him for mere moments that feel like a whole eternity. An eternity within and with you.

„Please…”

It’s an unspoken confirmation. He earned it.

He’s doing a fucking good job.

And you just look so spent and ethereal when he looks up at you from beneath a thick line of his eyelashes…

Yet again, he climbs up, stopping at your sternum to place another loving kiss there before he glances at your elated face. When he raises on his stretched arms, you don’t even have to beg again.

Your whole body tenses for a second or two, eyes wide open as he enters you steadily.

He’s thick and veiny. Fucking delightful to say the least. You’ve been with Hassan plenty of times, on numerous occassions, but each time it’s bliss. And each time it makes the air stop in your lungs.

Your brain is filled to the brim with chants of his name, clouded with pleasure, till it leaves your body with tears gathering in the corners of your eyes.

“Oh God- Hassan-“

He, on the other hand, is feeling ecstatic, as he pants like an ancient idol in raging fury. Skin glowing with sweat and whole body rhythmically shaking and tensing at the same time, with each calculated thrust.

“Come on sugar.”

Yet again he finds himself lost in you. The entirely of you. Surrounded by your tightening walls and soft pieces of sentences, moaned repeatedly into the air. They’re being pulled out of you with the sheet force of his hips snapping into yours, and his chest grows with pride.

„Baby- oh Hassan, p-please”

The sheer thought of filling you makes him feral. Gripping your hips the man speeds up, following your moans and gasps, screams silenced with the force of your teeth biting into your lips.

He wants to worship you, please you forever, he thinks then. Had been thinking about it even before he’s given you the key.

It was so easy to fall for you and it still blows his mind.

Suddenly you gasp and he catches it last minute. Cause every time he can, he does everything in his power to watch you at the gates of your bliss. He drinks it with his dark, hungry eyes. The way you squirm, how you pant and moan, how your body shakes involuntarily. He sees that light in your eyes and comes too, with a shudder and a line of deep, throaty moans that make your walls twitch again.

“Oh fuck.”

You feel everything and nothing all the same. You’re not even sure who said it first, maybe you just repeated it in your head, or maybe you both did between the rapidly taken breaths.

When he pulls out you miss his closeness already. The pleasure is just one part of it all really, cause you miss that intimacy, that weave you create together. As if words, languages can’t bind you two enough, as if there is more.

Sometimes in your conversations Hassan mentions fate, how it affects our lives whether we believe in some sort of god or not. He says that some things are inevitable, like change or loss. Like grief.

Same goes with people. They come into our lives for different reasons. Some of them are destined to change our lives, some are destined to teach us. About loss, forgiveness, patience, joy. And all of them, all of these relationships will be interwoven into the fabric of our being. Deep down you wonder if he tells you that on purpose, because he believes that something just like that led you to each other.

That afterthought keeps coming back to you whenever you’re together. Even now, as the mattress dips under his weight by your side, and you feel like maybe all of it, the lows and the ups, were meant to led you both here.

And maybe you do want him to remember what you impulsively uttered, right before your bodies became one yet again…

“I’m glad I gave you that key.”

He exclaims out of blue, pulling you out of your thoughts. And smiles right in your face, all smug like the sun itself, like he was right all along. And most likely, he was. He always fucking is.

You snort half-slyly.

“Of course you’re glad. I warmed your sheets for free. You’re welcome.”

“Free? Come on, I paid you back with all the interest.” He frowns first, but sighs right after when he notices that you’re trying to stifle a laugh at his genuine offence.

He cups your jaw in his rough hands then, and you inch closer instantly taking the opportunity to climb on top of him.

You’re always so damn difficult, but that’s fine. Nothing he cannot handle.

Though it doesn’t help that you look so beautiful in the soft light cast by his nightstand lamp... Maybe they still have them at that one store from the mainland. He should probably buy another one now, for symmetry’s sake. And for you too.

Cause he could watch you all day in this damn light. Your illuminated skin feels soft underneath his fingertips, curves defined by time and the way you’re positioned. Sat on top of him, like a sculpture just for him to admire. Like he got the best seat at a venue.

He never admitted it out loud but when you’re above him... it actually might be his favourite place to be. It makes him hard all over again, but there’s still time for that.

In moments like these he wishes he could grasp you whole, make himself bigger just so he could embrace you completely, hide your sensibility from the cruel world you were both born into. He’s been through a lot in his life, and he knows you can handle just as much, but still he’d do anything and more to protect both Ali and you.

Your more delicate fingers are a big contrast to his rather sturdy facial features when your hands reach to caress his face.

In your eyes, he looks regal, skin and hair are like peppered with threads of time and experience. He laughs when you tell him that he’s like „fine wine”. Mainly cause it’s cheesy, and he doesn’t really believe it most of the time. But you know the smile that comes after you say it.

He’s… happy with you. You make him feel better about life and himself, even if he didn’t admit it to you yet.

Feeling goosebumps on your skin when he draws mindless shapes on your back he decides to try his luck.

“Did you really mean it?”

Like a thunder, it rips through your spine. He heard your hushed confession. He remembered it.

“What do you mean?”

Play dumb, your mind prompts you. But really you just want him to say it back. So you know everything he’s done for you, everything he’s ever whispered into your hair, into your brain, was real. That you didn’t dream it.

With a long inhale beforehand, he speaks in a low tone.

„That you love me.”

The reality is simple as it is. Both of you crave confirmation, an assurance. That none of this is going away, that the other is just as much in love.

For Hassan it’s harder to admit out loud. His thoughts are often dark, he’s already experienced love and loss, he feels grief everyday. And he didn’t expect happiness again. In reality, he’s been mentally preparing himself for a lonesome and grim aging full of regret.

And yet, life slowly becomes brighter with you. It gets easier each day and there’s no denying of that. He wants you in his life.

You whisper back shakily.

„Yeah. I do.”

His lips curl into a small smile. A smirk almost.

„You just want a gratuitous fuck every once in a while, that’s what it is.”

This old fucking bastard. You’re ready to stand up but he sits up and locks you in place, with his arms intertwined behind your back.

„Hey, hey! Look at me! I was- well... trying to be funny like you. And besides, you know I would never mind even if you did. Especially since you always come for me so beautifully.”

You groan looking away, only it’s very difficult when he starts assaulting your chest with those plump lips of his. Kicking yourself mentally for the moan that just left your throat on its own (to his clear satisfaction), you give in and lock your gaze with his once more.

And it’s like seeing affection personified. Even his brows, with that bloody hot cut going through one of them, look apologetic and soft. Only for you.

“I know I’m no fun most of the time, but that’s why I’ve got you.” He speaks slightly louder now, in his signature honey dipped tone that makes your thighs tremble. In fact he has a firm grip on them right now, relishing every little reaction of your body to his words. Feeling what’s invisible to the naked eye.

“And I want you to know, that I think…” A deep breath and he looks into your eyes again. “I love you too.”

You eyes well up, but so do his. Fingers tearing through the dense forest of his beard, you cup his jaw and lean forward slowly. The kiss itself is like a stamp now, like your signatures combined. An oath signed by your pledges.

Suddenly he pulls away and both of you groan in dismay.

„Okay no crying on my watch.” His fingers swiftly gather the tears that alredy started reaching your cheeks.

Next, you feel him shift underneath you, like he’s getting impatient.

Truthfully speaking he is, and so are you. He’s been on your mind almost all day, and now you know that the feelings have been mutual all along.

As you shift over his lap, Hassan growls.

„You want me again?”

You decide that you love it when he speaks to you in this tone. Authority dripping like lliquor. Savory and sweet. Sharpened by cigarette smoke and peppermint. And yet, rich as milk.

„I always do.” His cock twitches between your legs at your response. When you move over him, positioning yourself on your knees, spreading yourself open, right above the already swollen head, he swallows with a clear bob of his Adam’s apple. „But this time - it’s my treat.”

~~~~~

#hassan el shabbaz #sheriff hassan #sheriff hassan x reader #hassan el shabbaz x reader #midnight mass imagine #midnight mass fic #midnight mass fanfiction #midnight mass smut #im honestly in shambles so please bear with me here 🤧#FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS WELCOME IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!!#full fic #my fics

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

Note

"We are marble buddies." First, it's heart warming, then it's tear enducing and then it's heaping helping of 'Oh, you mother fucker.'. That episode of Squid Game hit me hard and got even harder with each episode after.

Right? And it gets even worse the more you think about it. Knowing of Il-nam's betrayal colors so much of the story for me.

Gi-hun greets him by making small talk about how he's the first one to arrive, 001, when in reality Il-nam never arrived at all. He was always there. He was never drugged, manhandled, undressed by a bunch of strangers. Il-nam took off his fancy suit upstairs and donned the sweats like a costume, playing the part of another frail, terrified kidnapee.

When the games start and the Red Light, Green Light massacre has just ended, II-nam is the only one who moves during the next round, grinning all the while.

Because he already knows what's going on! And he knows he's not in any actual danger! This guy isn't going to risk getting shot during his "I'm poor and have to play death games to get by" make believe session. No way it's not rigged to ensure his safety, so off he pops, smiling at his own fun. (Which, you know, obliterates the Front Man's claim that this is all about fairness, how dare you learn the game ahead of your peers, Doctor, that's cheating. When, you know, there's a real cheater in their midst the whole while.) I suspect that's also why Mi-nyeo gets to sit out the marbles game: all the orchestrators likely assumed that Il-nam would be the odd one out, since no one wants to pair with an old man, so they built in an excuse for his survival, but instead end up giving that to Mi-nyeo when Gi-hun makes his unexpected offer. But at the time of Red Light, Green Light, the viewer brushes this behavior off with the assumption that, since he's terminally ill, he's just fearless.

Which generates the expectation that he'll continue the games because he has nothing left to lose, in turn creating a feeling of real love for him when he "saves" everyone by choosing the X. When in reality, he chose to be 001. He chose to have everyone vote in reverse order. Sure, it was always possible that there'd be a huge sway for or against the games, rendering his final vote useless, but with the 50/50 split things are as they "should" be, with him pulling the strings. Let's remind everyone of the hardships they're enduring outside so that they consciously want to come back and risk their lives.

And then he runs into Gi-hun! "Runs into" with, like, the biggest scare quotes imaginable. He was in the neighborhood, my ass. We know he doesn't need to bunk down with a friend. We know that this organization is stalking every player (keeping an eye on the 7% that didn't come back, Gi-hun's final phone call telling him to get on the plane, etc.) II-nam orchestrated this "run in" so he could build his relationship with Gi-hun, fucking with him all the while. Yeah, I'll have some of the alcohol you can barely afford. In turn you can have some of this uncooked ramen that meant nothing for me to buy. We're both just poor, struggling fellows, right?

(Compare all this to Sang-woo who, yeah, turns ruthless by the end, but before that was actually compassionate in everyday matters. He lets Ali borrow his phone, buys him food, and gives him bus fare, all without any expectation that he'll be paid back. It's only when the game pits them against each other that he tries to leverage that kindness to save himself.)

From then on, Gi-hun and II-nam have a number of heart-to-hearts that, upon reflection, just read as more manipulation. Gi-hun has a horrifying flashback and admits that he was involved in a deadly strike, which II-nam comforts him over. Yet not only is this another moment of the elite just playing at understanding, but he's playing at surprise too. There are detailed records of every player's life, including the past choices that helped lead them to this level of debt. Gi-hun's firing is absolutely a part of that and no way does II-nam not know. He's just taking advantage of Gi-hun's trust. What particularly fascinates me though is how he plays up his illness. I'm not sure whether he could have faked the fever (perhaps something in the food, if he really wanted to go that route?) and he is legitimately sick, but everything else carries the implication that he's playing the cancer up for his own use. It's too much of a coincidence that he forgets his name right when Gi-hun asks for it in front of a crowd, especially when this is an organization so obsessed with anonymity that you're shot the moment you lose your mask. No way that, for a man who's real game is torturing these people, he coincidentally loses his memory right when Gi-hun needs him to play, causing intense terror that they'll both be killed. He just happens to find one marble left, inducing more horror that Gi-hun could still lose. He just happens to regain his faculties long enough to accuse Gi-hun, then "sacrifice" himself, all while giving an emotional goodbye that will haunt him for the next year, only to then reveal his duplicity. It brings everything II-nam does into question. Did he actually wet himself? Or did he find some of the extra water and dump it on his pants? As someone whose father has a brain tumor and has seen every one of these symptoms, they're all depicted in a way that's very convincing... but Il-nam's true identity makes me suspicious of it all.

The real kicker for me though is that we have no reason to doubt Il-nam's claims about his past. Gi-hun makes a point of asking if that's really his name, if what he said was really true, and we're reassured that it was. Il-nam seems to have been truthful about everything he said... he just didn't say a lot. Which means that (if we trust the story's lack of proof that this isn't true) he really did grow up in a neighborhood just like Gi-hun's. He really did watch his son after a long day at work. At some point, prior to becoming the wealthy powerhouse determined to entertain himself and others, Il-nam was someone whose situation looked a lot like the players'... and that personal experience didn't create a shred of empathy in him. He got out and began exploiting his former community, not helping it, and since then he's actively encouraged others (like the detective's brother) to do the same. It's all so horrible.

I actually ended up calling the twist ahead of time. I knew for sure once we saw the Host reaching for his mask and I recognized Il-nam's hands. But I wasn't sure when I reassured my mom that, despite the clearly horrific nature of this show, there was so much good and hope too. Don't worry! It may be depressing in many respects, but it's so heartwarming to see these bonds forming; people helping one another get through such tragedy. There's one relationship in particular that's just the sweetest. You'll love watching that!

An episode later when everything marbles happens and I'm sure of Il-nam's duplicity:

#squid game #squid game spoilers #mymetas

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toorusluvr · 3 years

Text

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ADRENALINE: KAGEYAMA TOBIO.

characters: kageyama tobio x f!reader

cw: angry sex + unprotected + vaginal penetration + hair pulling/grabbing + slight degradation + missionary + kageyama blowing your back out uh + oral (f! receiving) + c*wgirl position um.

wc: 3.1k

crossposted on my ao3 🤍

The sound of the buzzer surprised you when you snapped out of your thoughts and came back to reality. The match had just ended with Sao Paolo 4 - Ali Roma 3. You watched your boyfriend's team shaking hands with their opponents. The look that was plastered across your boyfriend's face, the infamous Kageyama Tobio, was evident, at least to you, that he was frustrated over their loss.

His face was red, and his body ran hot. Kageyama stepped out of the court and gulped down his mineral water. The plastic bottle was scrunched up by his massive hands before being thrown in the garbage bin near the bench. He sat on the bench while their coach gave them some honest feedback from the match. Kageyama tried to calm himself down, but he just couldn't. It's an important match, and sadly, they lost.

You knew when he's mad, you wouldn't even dare to go and comfort him because he told you before that he dislikes being comforted when he's angry. He's afraid of hurting you with the words he didn't mean to say. What you did was, went straight to your shared apartment and prepared a comforting dinner for him. He must have been starving after running around the court all day.

The door clicked open from the outside, and you immediately woke up from your quick nap. You have fallen asleep on the couch after cooking for Kageyama. His eyes landed on you, who was rubbing your eyes. "You're home", he heard you said with a groggy voice. Kageyama looked at you with an annoyed expression. It was obvious. Somehow you got scared by how angry he looks sometimes.

"Tobio", you breathed out when he threw himself onto you. He pushed your back all the way against the couch. His thighs were residing on either side of your body, caging your body with his muscular built. Kageyama's hand touched your face lovingly before lifting your chin in a forced manner.

"Look at me, baby," he said. You did not dare to make any eye contact with him. Perhaps, you were scared. He would be scared if he were in your shoes too. Kageyama lightly slapped your face, "I said, look at me, slut."

You hesitantly looked at your boyfriend in the eyes. He flashed you a cocky smirk when you finally looked at him in the eyes. Your heart was about to jump out of your chest when you locked eyes with Kageyama. His presence was like a different person.

"I want you all to myself tonight. Understood? I don't care if you're tired or anything. Just take it all like a good fucktoy you've always been, alright? Hm, baby?" he needed to lash out his frustration on someone, and you're his little cocksleeve. You need to oblige him nevertheless.

You mustered your courage to nod your head. At last, you nodded your head slowly. Obliging your boyfriend's request to please him. Your throat felt dry, and it hurt when you know what is about happen. It's not like you disapprove of it, but angry sex with Kageyama will always leave your legs bruising the following day. Has it always been a good time? Yes.

Kageyama's lips hungrily kissed yours. His hands could not stay still to his sides, always needing to touch you on any parts of your precious body. His fingers reaching for the buttons of your pyjamas as he sucked on your sensitive skin. A soft moan escaped your lips when he nibbled on the same spot over and over again.

He threw your pyjamas top aside. Only leaving your upper body naked without a single thread. The cold air made your nipples turned perkier than your boyfriend's doing. What more when Kageyama twirled his fingers around them teasingly. The back of your head hitting the soft cushion of the couch as you tried to breathe normally. Heavy breaths started to fill the silent living room when your boyfriend continued licking and sucking on your sensitive nipples.

Kageyama held you by the waist as he latched his lips on your nipples, taking one of your nipples in his hungry mouth. His warm tongue twirling around your nipple as his free hand fondling your other breast — massaging them with a firm squeeze. Soft whimpers coming from you sounded so fucking beautiful in his ears. Writhing and begging him to give you more and more.

"Tobio," you breathed shakily when he left a trail of wet kisses along your lower body before tugging on the waistband of the bottom of your pyjama. His hands removed your bottom off of your legs quickly. You shut your eyes closed as you felt his hands rubbing on your bare thighs. You could feel every inch of his fingers against your skin.

Kageyama's eyes landed on the wet spot forming on the material of your panties. "Always so needy for me, aren't you?" he clicked his tongue. His fingers rubbing your clothed cunt for more friction. A soft whimper elicited from your mouth as he rubbed your core teasingly. Kageyama got impatient and slid off your drenched underwear and tossed it aside.

You are now naked, body on display for him. His gaze was filled with lust and anger. Kageyama harshly laid you on the couch. His massive hands spreading your legs apart so he could have a better view of your wet cunt. Your pussy glistening with arousal slick, and you looked cute trying to cover yourself.

He kissed your inner thighs before his lips sucking on your skin to leave hickeys. It's like a work of art, and Kageyama has always been proud of the marks he leaves on you. It feels like he owns you as his property. No one else gets to have you except him. He's not obsessive. He just likes to claim what is his. And your pussy? It was never yours. It's his.

You felt his minty breath fanning over your core. A shiver ran down your spine when you felt his warm tongue lay on the entrance of your core. The tip of his tongue gliding up and down your drenched pussy. Your eyes rolled back as you felt your orgasm building up. "T-tobio," you whimpered once you felt he got too close to your clit. Your fingers in his soft black hair tugging on it lightly to hold yourself back.

Kageyama chuckled when he watched you throwing your head back. "Fuck, baby. You look so pretty moaning my name like this. Moan, my name louder, baby," he said breathily. The tip of his tongue circling on your clit before sucking on it gently.

You watched Kageyama savouring your taste, his tongue lolling while sucking your pussy as he eyed you from below. It's such a pleasant view. "Oh- god", you let out a loud moan as you felt the tight knot in your lower core crashing. "T-tobio, please. Please make me cum" you pleaded. Your grip on his hair loosened as you tried to grind your pussy against his face. "Please, please, please", you writhed.

Kageyama watched your chest rose up and down, indicating your orgasm was near. He would never let you come on the first try. He moved his face away from your pussy, and he harshly took your chin in his hand. "Turn around for me, slut. I am far from being done with you," he gritted through his teeth. You obeyed his order and turned around to get on all fours for him.

He gave your ass a powerful spank that left a red handprint on your ass cheek. You winced in pain as your body jolted forward due to the powerful impact. Kageyama used two of his fingers to collect your wet juices. The squelch noise made you wanted to hide your face in embarrassment. He collected your wet juices on his fingers before inserting them down your throat. "Suck your juice, baby. Taste how fucking good you are."

You sucked on his slender fingers until they are clean. Kageyama scoffed before he rubbed on your clit in a circular motion. Your body wriggled even though his strong hands kept you to stay still. He got annoyed at how you couldn't stay still for him, and you earned another spank from him. "Can't you fucking stay still for once?" he jeered.

"I can't", you replied while struggling to catch another breath. "Feels too g-good", you whimpered as your hands clutching on the couch.

Kageyama turned your whole body over without even letting you come. You felt empty when he removed his fingers from your aching cunt. "N-no," you murmured under your breath. Not a second after, Kageyama hovered on top of you. He grabbed you by the waist and carried you to your shared bedroom without saying anything.

The door to your bedroom was pushed from outside by Kageyama. He then threw you on the bed. You felt the bed dipped with his weight when he hovered on top of you while taking off the white tee he was wearing. He extended his arms on either side of your body and inched his face closer to yours. His eyes scanning your naked body being displayed underneath him.

You could feel your face turning warmer as adrenaline coursed through your veins. Your eyes trailing your boyfriend's movements in silence. Kageyama then rubbed his palms against the inner of your thighs once again. His fingers collecting your dripping wet juices before licking them clean off of his slender fingers. You shut your eyes closed as your fingers clutching onto the bedsheet.

Kageyama spread your legs wider so he could bury his face in between your legs. He glanced over you from below and saw how you were whimpering quietly made him wanted to give you more than you deserved tonight. The tip of his tongue rolling on your slick folds. He felt your body moved, but he held your thighs wide open to prevent you from moving. Kageyama sucked on your juices, alternately licking your folds and using his fingers to pleasure you.

When you felt his thumb reaching for your clit and started to rub slow circles on it, you let out another sinful moan. Your back arched lewdly against the soft mattress. Your knuckles had turned white from clutching onto the bedsheet. "Tobio," you mumbled quietly. Drools forming on the corner of your lips, and your mouth felt dry. "Please", you begged.

"Please what, baby? Say your words" he made a snarky remark.

"Please fuck me already," you spat out in frustration. You then realised what you said may have sounded differently to Kageyama. You heard he clicked his tongue before he flipped your body over. Your face now buried in the soft mattress below you. Kageyama pulled your legs towards him. He gave your naked ass a harsh slap before pulling your hair. He leaned closer to your ears, "Then beg."

You shut your eyes closed as your breath hitched. "Please, Tobio. I want your cock inside me," you pleaded. Your hair was still pulled by his hand. He let go of your hair. Kageyama placed his hand on your waist. And with a sharp thrust, he slid his cock inside of your pussy. You gasped when you felt the stretch burnt. Kageyama's breath became staggered when he felt your tight walls clamped around his throbbing cock.

"Fuck," he cursed under his breath when your pussy swallowed his cock all the way to the shaft. "Your pussy is taking my cock well," he snickered. He gave your cheek another powerful smack before he thrust into you harshly. His hips slammed onto yours. The grips on your waists were hurting you a little. But the pain did not matter at the moment as you wanted to cum on your boyfriend's cock so badly.

You let out a deep moan with your head being buried in the bedsheet. Kageyama pinned your head down as he relentlessly fucking your pussy. He slightly threw his head back when he felt so close to coming inside you. He had to hold himself back from coming too fast. Kageyama grunted softly as he pulled your hair back. He pulled your chin closer to give you open-mouthed kisses, while his hand grabbing your hair. Your tongues twirled around each other as both of you moaned into each other's mouths.

He broke the kiss and pinned your head down on the mattress again—both of his hands grabbing on your waists as his hips slamming onto yours harder than before. You felt the familiar coil forming in your stomach. "Tobio," your pleas were muffled against the bedsheet. Kageyama then brought pulled your hair again and made you faced the headboard while he's rearranging your guts.

Moans and pleas came out of your pretty little mouth. Drools in the corner of your lips as your jaw was left wide open the entire time. You sniffled back your tears, "Please, please, I'm coming, Tobio!"

Kageyama let out a deep groan as he felt your walls clenched around his cock. The tip of his cock hitting your cervix — your orgasm approaching closer as he continued fucking your sloppy pussy. He heard you let out a shriek as he gave the final thrust before your orgasm washed all over you. Your face planted on the mattress as you tried to regain your breath. Kageyama then came right after you — spilling his cum inside of you.

He collapsed beside you. Kageyama brought your body closer to his and gave you kisses on your forehead. There was a comfortable silence in your shared bedroom for a moment. "I know you can do it for me once again. Come on, baby," he said.

You got on top of him and locked eyes with him for a second. Kageyama then bucked his hips for you to slide his cock inside of your dripping pussy. Your mouth slightly parted when his cock stretching your walls once again. He let out a soft groan when your pussy swallowed him as a whole. His hands on your waist, carefully guiding you to ride his cock.

Kageyama eyed your beautiful face — your hair sticking on your forehead because of the sweats. Your pelvis moving on its own even though you were struggling to take his cock. Your boyfriend let out a chuckle when he saw you struggling. "Cute," he murmured under his breath. "A pathetic whore," he slipped out. You then got on your feet while crouching on top of him.

He watched your tits bouncing as you rode his cock. Your hands on his toned chest while riding his cock. When you felt the familiar knot forming in your lower core, you let out another moan as you threw your head back. The pleasure was different tonight. Kageyama removed the strands of hair that fell on your face. He groaned softly when he felt his cock twitched inside of you. Both of you were so near to coming for the second time tonight.

"Mmm, I'm coming" you bit your lower lip. Your pace became quicker while chasing your orgasm eagerly. "H-ahh... Tobio," you moaned your boyfriend's name for the nth times. Kageyama rolled his index and thumb around your perky nipples. You felt another tear dropped on your face while your high approaching faster. Whimpers and soft grunts filling your shared bedroom.

"Come for me, baby," Kageyama let out a deep groan. He threw his head back against the mattress when he felt so close. You nodded eagerly — your finger playing with your clit to stimulate your orgasm faster. Both of your legs were trembling, and when your orgasm crashed, you let out a deep moan before collapsing onto your boyfriend's body.

You felt cum dripping on your thighs. Laying on top of Kageyama, you breathed heavily to gain your composure back again. He caressed your head with so much care. "Do you want to do it again?" you heard him asked. You groaned slightly before facing him.

"What? Didn't I tell you I won't stop even if you are tired?" he raised his eyebrows at you.

Ah, of course, he remembers that. "Fine," he heard you said. Kageyama smirked before he got you off of him.

This time, he fucked you in missionary. Kageyama pulled your body closer to his while his right hand squeezing your throat. With a shaky breath, he glanced over to where his cock was drilling in and out of your sensitive pussy. The clear white string coating his cock and your pussy, eventually making a mess on the clean bedsheet.

Your hips bucked as you were struggling to keep your eyes open to look at your ethereal boyfriend. "Fuck, Tobio. It-it's too much," you mewled.

Kageyama could feel the strong grips from you. His hips slamming onto yours harder as he felt so close to coming once again tonight. The stretchy feels of your walls kept drawing him in — clouding his mind from any rational thoughts. He just wanted to fill your cunt full with his seeds.

The soft sound of your cries echoed together with the sound of his balls smacking your ass in your silent bedroom. You clawed on his toned biceps as you rolled your eyes back. "Tobio, right there!" you choked.

Your boyfriend let out a pleased hum. His left hand playing with your sensitive nipples before latching his lips on it. He gently nipped on your nipples and sucking on them with soft grunts coming out of his mouth.

Your chest rose heavier, and your moans became broken when you felt your climax approaching. "Please, Tobio," you cried.

Kageyama picked up his pace before folding your legs in half. His cock buried deeper in your pussy — the tip of his cock hitting your g-spot over and over again. He heard you mumbled incoherently while begging to come with his permission.

He thrust harder into you when you let out a sudden scream. "Fuck," you sniffled. Your mind was clouded with lust as you tried to recall what happened after coming down from your high.

Kageyama let out a deep groan when he painted your insides again. His cum trickling down your thighs before he pulled out his cock. "Hm, that was amazing," he planted a soft kiss on your lips.

You smiled when Kageyama peppered your face with soft kisses. "No, I'm not done yet," you heard him said.

How many times did you come tonight? You have lost count. The next thing you knew was, you had to get a day off from work the next day. You were limping for the entire day. Kageyama still took care of you, though.

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