#an alien themed bubble gun

[natjennie]

would anyone who doesn't watch fantasy high care to explain what's going on here.

[sojuyae]

verdict of heaven

summary: (Oda's pen danced across the paper. A single stroke at a time, he crafted him, shaping him into something magnificent, something that shone like the sun. But as quickly as he had breathed life into him, your existence had taken precedence over all else.) 

dazai osamu / reader

notes: mild yandere themes, this is ummm after PM! Dazai? but before ADA? unhealthy relationships, dazai bathes you, dependency

"Is the water too cold for you, dear?” Dazai asks, drawing out the vowels of the endearment like he used to.

He adjusts his seat next to the bath tub before dipping his hands in the water, his bandages soaking as he cups the liquid, his lithe fingers almost making contact with your sides. “I think it’s fine.” He replies to his own question after moments of your silence. 

(You don’t understand why he’s so insistent in taking care of you.)

You look down on the water, its clarity enabling you to glimpse beyond where your arms burst with vibrant colors of purple blue and faded yellow — colors you used to when looking up the sky — colors that were once emblematic with something beautiful. 

(You’re simply an individual who was once together with someone who had been special to him.)

Yet, these wounds are not from Dazai, and he has no intention to cause harm to you; it drives you insane — when you look at these marks, all they accomplish is to serve as a reminder of what you brought about to yourself when you refuse his help.

(A dear friend he had been to Dazai, and a lover to yours.)

Lukewarm water is poured on your back, cascading down the tub, inciting ripples. Dazai’s ungloved hand trails his name with his fingertips, warmth imprinted in each letter despite the coolness of his skin. “You’re awfully quiet these days.” He stops, the initials still searing. The way the soft pads on his hands treat you delicately pains you so. 

Then, you feel soap being lathered gently on your back, in repetitive, circular motion. 

These are the same hands that wield a gun, and these are the same hands that used to bring you a rose after your work — "From him," he would murmur, and you shouldn't have dismissed the notion that Oda would be lazy enough to make Dazai deliver a single rose to you. 

Knowing that the same hands can be used for a variety of purposes and that their nature is just as complex and paradoxical as the individual to whom they correspond is an alienating experience.

As if used to your silence, he continues on his task, The soap frothing as he generously squeezes more of the thick substance over his hands, an overwhelming scent of rosemary — the same one he uses — pervades the room. He rubs his palms together, making a bubble of foam and suds that shortly spreads between his fingers, before smearing it all over your back.“

“Talk to me [Name],” Dazai drawls, a playful huff escaping his lips, his hands now on your arms — he must’ve hated your silence; his fingers now digging on your back. “I miss your voice, you know?“

“There was no need for you to do this,“ You start, voice hoarse after hours of not talking. The suds slip down your forearms, leaving a moist trail in their wake. His hands working the soap into the crook of your elbows, your body limp to his advances. “Oda never asked you to.“

His hands stop at their movements. A strange silence pervaded the room, and there was a palpable sense of tension. Your ears hurt from the agonizing silence. It seemed as though the walls themselves were closing in on you as the air was so weighted with tension. The stillness persisted, lingering over the room like a foreboding cloud.

Then, Dazai gently placed his head on your shoulder, his soft locks of chocolate tickling your neck as he absorbed the warmth of your skin. He didn't give any thought whether your shoulders were soaked. An intimate act for who you both are. Too delicate. Too tender.

“Oda has nothing to do with this,“ You can feel his lips curl up into a smile from behind. “It is of my own volition.“ 

[cellarspider]

Spider's Big Prometheus Thing: Index Post

Being a list of all the posts produced in the course of this inexplicable project of mine. This project is now complete, at an unexpectedly extensive thirty entries long.

I swear, I didn't intend for it to go like that, but it was fun to write.

All entries have at least a minimum level of citations for where to start looking for more facts on any subject external to the movie itself, which includes everything from how DNA is sequenced to how Nickolodeon slime is made, and from the comedy in mislabeled portraits of early church fathers to the correct attribution of a cat's contributions to historical linguistics.

Be aware that there's also hidden rambling and bonus facts in the image alt text. A lot of them.

0. Introduction

Setting the scene, including my background, my intent, and where this movie is going.

1. Opening

Expectations, landscapes, and aliens.

Rambles: DNA, whether aliens would have it, and why it doesn't look like a pale bacon ladder.

Alt-text rambles: nano-bubbles.

2. Discovery

The Isle of Skye is gorgeous, the movie attempts to establish its themes, and why it had already got my hackles up. Rambles: how cool ancient and pre-modern peoples were, the implications of humanoid figures in European cave paintings, and misplaced lions. Alt-text rambles: seriously, Skye is just so cool. Erich von Däniken and modern publishing royalties are not.

3. David

We meet the loneliest android, and his fandom of choice. Rambles: I go nuts for a paragraph over Proto-Indo-European. Alt-text rambles: Help me remember a dude's name, that time Ron Perlman saw Sigourney Weaver do something so cool he forgot to act, and a Coronation Street conspiracy theory.

4. Humans (Derogatory)

We meet the human crew, and analyze why they're a mismatch to the movie's established expectations, and what subgenre they fit in most. It isn't the one the movie seems to be aiming for. Rambles: 50s B-movies and their Men Of Science, modern movies and their quietly suffering scientists. Alt-text rambles: inconsistently moist characters, Idris Elba's christmas tree decorations.

5. Pseudoarchaeology (Extremely Derogatory)

We meet Old Man Capitalism, poor logistics, and how the movie began to really lose me through dropping in some racist pseudoscience tropes. Rambles: more logistics (of alien bioengineering), historical art styles, what the world was getting up to in the 600s CE Alt-text rambles: Linguistics, more ranting, the life and extraordinarily ornate death of Kʼinich Janaabʼ Pakal. Rants: the existence of writing, people who don't look like you can still think, stargazing and how conspiracy theorists don't understand it.

6. Roads

Poor firearm safety with Chekhov's Gun, when movies move too fast, atmospheric chemistry, and the moment I began to yearn for blood. Rambles: First contact protocols, why 3% CO₂ won't kill you but it will make you weird, my personal experience digging up a Roman road. Alt-text rambles: the logistics of securing items in moving craft, linguistics, atmospheric science, colorblind-friendly diagram design, swearing about orology, and cursing the crew for their fictional crimes against archaeology. Rants: Why they should've stayed in orbit, and my impassioned defense of historically significant transportation infrastructure.

7. Masking

The bit that made most people realize these characters were idiots. Featuring an attempt at themes. Rambles: NASA's policies on biological contaminants Alt-text rambles: Benedict Wong having nothing to do, helmet design, driving on dusty track, the tiny overlap between archaeological horrors and Minecraft, the CDC's excellent captions on men sneezing. Rants: Nominating a man for the Heinrich Schliemann Archaeology Award, all these people are catching space covid

8. Ghosts

Comparing the Engineers to their series antecedents, and I develop a slight soft spot for the geologist. Rambles: Set design in Alien, how carbon dating works. Alt-text rambles: Adventure games, GET DOWN MISTER PRESIDENT, I get very excited for Dune: Part Two, the archival devotion of people with rare blorbos.

9. Dignity

Personal, professional, social, and media context for the treatment of people's remains. Rambles: Personal experiences around the archaeological discovery of human skeletons, professional codes of ethics, movies that handle dead bodies better by being more crass about it. Alt-text rambles: None, the main text gets full focus this time.

10. Atmosphere

How intertextual imagery is overused, how the one major character arc is developing, and a whole grab bag of miscellaneous shambolic events. Rambles: How tourist-breath can destroy artifacts, and a deleted scene Alt-text rambles: Whether explaining mysteries is always the wrong decision in fantasy, the usefulness of helmets, Mass Effect's loading screens, please someone give me more recommendations for things where Giger creatures aren't all bad, and how cultural variation in gestures can make you look like an asshole. Rants: they aren't done desecrating the dead oh boy it's just gonna get worse

11. Decontamination

How to present an audience with events that make no sense, how to do it eerily, and how Prometheus does this by accident. Rambles: NASA's Apollo 11 quarantine policies Alt-text rambles: How 2001: A Space Odyssey put on a cosmic lightshow, how traditions are faked for political and social power in Midsommar, confusing lab equipment, robot arm safety, the use of camper vans in space exploration, umarell behavior, and robot horror movies. Bonus text rambles: pressurized gas cylinder safety, and how the cargo of one truck apparently tried to join Roscosmos. Rants: Laboratory safety

12. Shocking

Mary Shelly would not be proud of them. Rambles: Which home electrical appliances their tomfoolery is equivalent to. Alt-text rambles: Semiotics and Alien, reuse of props and art department equipment, the cast's inability to look at things, how the first chestburster scene intelligently incorporated spontaneity, and I completely lose my mind over a single computer readout, finding out in the process that the Engineers are close cousins to the common house mouse. Rants: I didn't think that "don't stick electrical plugs in people's ears" would be something that needed to be said, but here we are.

13. Family Tree

A soothing ramble about some of the cool bits of my job. Rambles: How evolution has made some vertebrate blood white or green, how genomes are sequenced, and how to determine the relatedness of species. And more. A lot more. I love my job. It's so cool. Alt-text rambles: How Nickelodeon slime was made, how hecking tiny molecules are, why blue-tongued skinks have blue tongues, my review of Dune: Part Two, how hard I worked to not turn Gene Wilder into a jumpscare, lots of enthusiastic explanations of DNA sequencing techniques, the aesthetics of the machines wot do that for you, how "snip" no longer sounds like a verb to me, and how I started out as a computational scientist.

14. Cheers

David poisons a man, and how his character arc ties into christian-influenced existential dread. Rambles: series continuity, gnostic theology, Ridley Scott's beliefs. Alt-text rambles: How to ruin petri dishes, Vickers' questionably carbon-based existence, the game of Operation, hand doubles in filming, how the funniest possible misidentification of an early church figure is wandering around the internet, the cool genders of suit actors, gnostic Archons, and the Engineers as Sophia. Rants: Holloway seems unaware that archaeologists study dead people, Ridley Scott is his own biggest problem.

15. Unworthy

The movie does something I'm not going to joke about. Don't read this if you're having a bad day. Big content warning for Holocaust imagery.

16. Intimacy

Your asexual commentator grapples with Hollywood's terrible track record on romantic and sexual chemistry. Rambles: Why we don't say an archaic-looking species is "older" than another, how religious scientists do what they do Alt-text rambles: the human family tree, Abbott and Costello, pitcher plant cultivars, the creative possibilities of a Buddhist version of this movie, and Stephen Still's lack of accordions. Rants: I've never been a boyfriend but I'm pretty sure that's not how you do it

17. Threat

Prometheus takes a hard turn into old slasher movie tropes. Rambles: A movie trailer that gave Wee Spider the screaming heebies Alt-text rambles: The age rating of Prometheus, a spontaneous X-Files crossover AU, Pitch Black, how likely it may or may not be that the images in the post will get flagged, critter behavior, insufficient EVA suit design, and the content balancing I take into account when selecting screenshots. Rants: This movie does not seem to know what it is. Alt-text rants: Ditto, focusing on characterization.

18. Flames

"Mac wants the flamethrower!" Rambles: I wandered off in the middle to watch a 40k comedy video, does that count? Alt-text rambles: More content-balancing, what kind of very English critter David appears to be, dune buggy design, Star Wars: The Old Republic is worth your time, Dune: Part Two is worth your time, an extremely long ramble about integration of CG background elements, and Oblivion memes. Alt-text rants: Movie color grading and lighting, undercutting scares.

19. Stars

The movie shows how good it can be when no dialog is involved. Rambles: The movie Contact and how Prometheus could've learned from it. Alt-text rambles: How I estimate large numbers from a still image, a brief Baldur's Gate 3 appearance, the set design and staging of a room made for giants with squishy computers, the use of color to make a cohesive scene, facts about Uranus, visual intimation of threat, VFX wizardry, practical FX wizardry, Michael Fassbender's wordless acting.

20. Expectant

The movie shows how good it can be when character choice is removed from the horror. Rambles: the inspiration and place of chestbursting in Alien movies, the continuing religious symbolism in the movie, the clunky dialog, how to build or undermine tension, and the good blending of practical and CG effects, and how tiny creatures of the ocean manage to be more uncanny than horror critters. Alt-text rambles: reading details the prop department never meant for you to see. Alt-text Rants: the return of the head-exploder and the first sight of actual PPE, slowly mangling a plot point's name until it has been thoroughly folded, spindled, and mutilated.

21. Underdelivered

The movie shows how terrible it can be when horror doesn't build tension. Rambles: Contortionists in horror, hillbilly horror/hixploitation movies. Alt-text rambles: Resident Evil 7, Dead Space and "strategic dismemberment"

22. Hubris

The movie tries to do some themes again Rambles: my ineffable desire to genetically sequence ditch weeds, Left Behind Alt-text rambles: Brad Dourif's commitment to the bit in The Two Towers, nigh-invisible wheelchair product placement, the Fallout series in general and the upcoming show in particular, praise for an epic-length critique of Left Behind, Robert Zemeckis' bizarre quest to mocap everything Rants: This movie does a terrible job representing both religiosity and atheism

23. Informed

Exposition is delivered, and plot points try to knit together. Rambles: The Silent Hill movie, Pacific Rim Alt-text rambles: Pyramid Head's secret unclothed backside, demanding environmental enrichment for scientists, greebling, Tumblr's favorite shitty copper merchant Rants: What could've been done instead of an exposition dump and daddy issues Alt-text rants: these people and their interior design are tempting fate and testing my patience

24. Inscribed

I go rogue and ramble about constructed languages and cuneiform for an entire post. Guest appearances from Klingon pop music and a delightfully eccentric Assyriologist. Rambles: All of it. Alt-text rambles: the self-awareness of conlangers, fingernail length, Schleischer's Fable as a warm-up for the next section, my primary conlang derangement, speculation about whether cuneiform was legible for the blind, my beef with the cowards at Lucasfilm for refusing to use Star Wars' coolest letters, my love for Warframe's Grineer, going into far too much detail about redesigning Prometheus' Engineer script, and finally, the many crocodiles of ancient egyptian hieroglyphs. Rants: None/all of it

25. Judgement

We discuss some of what the movie doesn't. Rambles: Fiction and morality, Blade Runner, biblical allusions the story could've made and doesn't Alt-text rambles: Lance Henriksen's insane career, the paintings of John Martin and a surprise George Washington, Rutger Hauer's effect on Blade Runner, my tentative plans for the next essay series. Rants: Germs, old man makeup. Alt-text Rants: The characters are reading ahead in the script again, the half-assed Engineer writing system continues to hurt me

26. Awoken

I go bananas over PIE. Rambles: fix-it fic for this damned movie, PIE, how to avoid PIE, how to analyze PIE, and my personal alternative to PIE. Alt-text rambles: calculating how long the Engineer's overslept, their potential spiritual kinship to Moominpapa, behind the scenes photos of the suit actors, Prometheus rants in the days of LiveJournal, the game Hades, how hard it personally is to get PIE right, the linguistics nerdery of the Hittite empire, and watermarks. Rants: how the movie fails its premise and hurts my soul with linguistics

27. Shortcomings

The characters, and movie, fail to get their message across to someone bent on their destruction. Rambles: David's confused religious symbolism, Star Trek Alt-text rambles: My desire for fanfic, behind the scenes photos, what other critters the Engineer's suit actor has played, the naming of Australopithecines, crash-proofing a movie set, alien gender, Gandahar and how French animated SF in the 80s was awesome, Scorn and its expert consultation from a cenobite, and Doctor Strangelove. Rants: the assumptions of the human characters, I go from trying to be measured to actively spiting the writer for his take on thoughtful SF Alt-text Rants: Del Toro is the only one who gets me, the movie has forgotten its main character just had a major surgery, one last rant about how terribly unsafe the Prometheus was as a ship, before it becomes definitively not a ship.

28. Momentum

It's the bit where she doesn't turn. Rambles: How to fix the dumbest thing we've seen in a hot minute, Edge of Tomorrow and feeling Tom Cruise's fear, how the dead thing is never really dead in horror. Alt-text rambles: How hard it is to find the most catchy song in We Love Katamari, more behind the scenes pictures of my blorbos, Friday the 13th Part IV, bad braille, and trilobites. Rants: I mean how can you not when the movie forgets how space works? Like, the idea of 3D space as a concept? Also, a particular rock earns my ire, and my ranting about interior designs on ships finally pays off.

29. Dissonance

The ending of the movie, and its tonal incoherency. Rambles: Protagonist-centric morality and lack thereof Alt-text rambles: Star Trek TNG, green blood, caecilian teeth. Rants: shallow christian themes, sequels that could have been, Shaw's confusingly deployed robo-racism Alt-text rants: sequel disappointments, inadvisable post-caesarian activities, how the hell do you fit that much 'burster into one chest, biological plausibility in alien extend-o-mouths

30. Justification

A breakdown of a post-release interview with Ridley Scott, explaining some missing details. Rambles: Gnosticism again, Mesoamerican and European human sacrifice and the exoticization of shared cultural practices, and a hearty book recommendation. Alt-text rambles: Icelandic volcanoes, The Collector (2009), Stephen Speilberg's War of the Worlds and how scaring the shit out of someone isn't necessarily the job of a horror film, the Tollund Man, unique cultural practices, Hello Future Me, and my opinions on what we've seen of Alien: Romulus. Rants: Ancient peoples weren't stupid, an unexamined christian-centric worldview, an unexamined christian-centric worldview, I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGh

[moss-bride]

You make me want to believe in love. Chapter: 15

Scp 035 x Reader

The three do this in rotation shifts. Someone is to keep an eye on him at all times. A lord in the house is what they need and she fills those shoes like the step-sisters did Cinderella. As in ill fitting but forcing the foot in.

And in her nightingale watch she drags the TV to his room just for fun. If she's gonna be stuck here, might as well watch her shows. Her popcorn finishes and she grabs it to settle on the couch and ignore the burning stare of the presence inside the shell. Snuggling a blanket.

On the floor at the foot of his bed she lets the channels lights flicker over his cocoon. “It's time to teach you what good television is.”

She makes it to the Spanish section and lands on a famous telenovela named ‘Teresa.’ she queals her excitement.

The episode playing is mid season when Teresa finds out her ex boyfriend (who she broke up with in favor of her highschool professor to escape poverty, don't ask) has become a rich successful doctor and her professor/boyfriend is now poor.

It's messy and a perfect drama watch.

Her mother had clicked off it whenever it came on TV back when it aired because she said that the main star of the show (Teresa) was a loose and immoral woman that she didn't want her daughter to look up to.

Look at her now! She may not be as manipulative as the titular star but she is a thousand times worse.

She drinks heavily in the coming days, sword at her side and gun on her hip. Looking out over the gate from the window of his study and taking a swig.

Her body is lathered with goopy medicine on her burned skin by the palace maesters of healing.

It's an odorless paste that is thankfully less greasy than human lotions. She is told to run it on all skin exposed to Anguish daily and layer think bandages on half her body. The result is her crawling the halls in mummy garb glaring at anything that moves.

Hate burns at the back of her throat and it is the slow creeping of acidic vomit. For herself and everything in existence.

As for him…

The stream of black had stopped and slowly hardened around him. Their entire form is hidden by a shell. Cocooning in an attempt at protection.

She takes a swig of beer and slouches on the chair. Muttering to herself. Then stumbles towards the bed, standing over it.

The slimy pit of them living inside the wet, a faint light emanating amongst the sludge. Perfect for a prop at universal pictures theme park. The new “aliens” production. She swears that there is even a glimpse of their frowning pallid mask.

Giorgia had smacked her hand away when she attempted to touch it last time. Without the maid in the room she creeps closer to the bed.

It's flaky but strong. She pokes at the cocoon,

It lurches in reaction and she snatches her hand back in disgust. “I almost didn't come back.” it is the first words she has said to this thing that is the curdled form of her tormentor.

“You hear me? Could have left you to die for good this time.” she sneers. “But I didn't. Don't know why I -” she cuts herself off and downs a heavy gulp. Slumping against the pole of his four poster bed. Listening to the maid bustle next door.

It's them and her in this room. No anxious Giorgia suspicious at her moves. A mistake on her part.

She zeros in on the door, waiting for an interruption that doesn't come. With no witness she crawls onto the bed. The black silk sheets sticking to her salve.

Splaying one leg over the cocoon, it collapses at her weight by four inches, bubbling and writhing until she can feel the barest form of limbs through the membrane trying to push her off.

A shoulder. A head. A neck. Not much else. On top of it her hands rove and dig into the mesh, stopping when she locates it. The frame of an endoskeleton.

She traces a bandaged hand on the column of his throat. Never noticed how swan-like it is, an elegant stretch that perfectly fits her palm.

In her drunken madness she can't resist. She pushes down. The form of a gasping throat under her hand. Struggling as she tightens her grip, pushes harder with her legs, splayed over his body. The creature that is him within the shell wiggles, sensing on a subconscious level her intent.

Anguish sends her a mental image with the last bit of strength. Her body swinging from a noose. Letting out a jagged bark of a laugh. How funny.

It seems he is partially aware of the comings and goings outside the shell.

She releases her hold and falls back. Staring at the ceiling listlessly.

Her bottle spills on the carpet red fading to black.

Maybe this place has finally claimed her. Slowly becoming one of those lost souls on the street that can barely utter a sentence. They had called that affliction a pestilence.

‘I hold your life in my hands 035. Can you feel it?’

Beside her she feels a drumming, a steady beating thump emanates from them. Turns out he does possess a heart. Or an alien semblance of one. Lungsacks perhaps.

Instead of bursting from its rest, it sat there, silent and mostly dormant. As soon as she leaned her face close, breath brushing the flakes, she observed his signature liquid that oozed from the eye and mouth holes, corrosive and dangerous to touch.

Her hands are too swollen to feel but she frantically thumbs a ridge. “You want to have everything? The king's throne, the universe at your feet? Prove it. Get out.”

His fury was like a living thing, a darkness that grew within him. The pressure built until it spilled forth as he layed helpless in his cocoon

When she addressed him, he didn’t answer with words, but he did acknowledge her presence, and his response was in the form of a mental image, spine-chilling and morbid. As its response echoes through the room, the darkness seems to swallow her whole, leaving her alone to confront the chilling reality of her unconscious companion..

She bursts into laughter. Choking gasps of air. Tossing to the side she buries her head on the decorative pillows. Nothing is funny.

If he was conscious he'd go into a long droning speech about the manner of existence and the perspective of shells on a forgotten beach. Which she'd promptly tune out.

TV playing, her mind continues to wander.

She snoops around the room, looking through his closet and drawers. It's all so tidy and comfy.

Black curtains with crystals trims and a scent of sandalwood

There is a huge window. The one he often stands and looks down at her from the courtyard. The dark sun beams down at her and the sky actually seems charming rather than eyestraining

This book he has in his room must be well loved if he separated it from the ones in his study. She opens a page and sees that the paper is yellowed with age and fragile

‘Sonetti completi di Cecco Angiolieri’

It's written with a flourish of a practiced poet and she knows that that is what this man is.

Most of them are of a man desperately pleading for a woman who spurned his love. Complaining about his wife or his mistress in the same breath. Very smooth and in line with the expectations of men in the 13th century

“Here you were making fun of me for being a romantic! Hypocrite.” She reads the work aloud to this sack of misery beside her. Reserving her snide comments to when he would emerge.

I claim misery as my child,

and I call it my mother too;

I was conceived out of heavy grief,

and my wet-nurse was melancholy,

and my swaddling clothes were a sheet

whose common name is trouble;

from the top of my head to the soles of my feet

there was nothing in me that could be called good.

Then, when I was grown, a wife was given to me

for my refreshment; she talked

from the early morning until the sky was full of stars;

and her talking was like a thousand guitars:

when such a wife dies, if her husband remarries

he has no more brains than a boat of gravy.*

Clicking her teeth and wishing this Cecco guy would get a healthier hobby like gambling. After a while she decides that this book is pretty appropriate material for Anguish

Giorgia interrupts them. Setting down a basket fool of rags and potions to rub on her dearest lord. “What are you doing?”

She turns the page. “I'm just reading to our patient.”

“ Our Lord did not invite you to share his bed. Get. Off.” she’d give anything for the ability to roll her eyes. She stands and sits on a chair instead. Closing the book, she glares at the maid.

Giorgia had been at her wits end but her unchanging mask speaks of another reason.

She gives in and asks. “What is it?” already knowing the answer

“It's White’s messenger again.” Diligence keeps sending them to their doors, expecting that they'll listen to them talk

She waves them away with a scowl. “Until Anguish is healed we will remain on lockdown mode..” she's had to repeat the line at nauseum since the party. It's a headache to say day after day.

Giorgia's stare is long and she returns it with equal force.

“Just continue to make sure no one gets in.”

The people of Anguish’s palace are tense. To be reliving the moment of their masters near death has made them a humorless bunch. The black lord's healing takes its toll and seeps energy from his house. The aether mentioned before is focused to his room at the top of his princessy tall tower. Where he lays waiting for his true loves first kiss to wake him up from the dastardly spell of an evil queen.

Black has his own miniature force of soldiers. A simple platoon. Giorgia told her that the others have vast nations at their disposal and it makes her a bit paranoid.

The servants bring her papers and invitations and cards as if she's the master of the house. Her and Giorgia share the mantle uneasily, deciding the work evenly amongst themselves.

The woman doesn't speak a word to her beyond what is necessary. All the rapport they shared is gone. Whatever.

As she regained her footing, she felt a heavy, throbbing pain in her leg. The sedative had worn off, leaving her in a world of raw agony. She tried to move her leg, and it obeyed with a sting of thousands of ants.

A bath would be great. Maybe a chance to rest her bone tired body.

She enters her room and tosses her clothes onto the bed, scattering the mountains of papers, the forms and requests from the underclass. She had attempted her best to read them last night and found that they possessed the same legibility as chicken scratches. She can't read a thing on them. (Others are mailed in leaking…. Grape juice smelling substance. Scared to even begin questioning what this is. But by the way Sforza reacted when she told him (with blatant disgust) it is not good )

Enough of it! She's taking a skin searing hot shower to melt away her thoughts.

The ominous floating sphere that serves as a shower head pours over her hair and she could moan.

She takes off the bandages and sinks into the pool of water. Picking at the scabs and the blister sacks that taunt her with her body's fragility.

She hasn't visited Galileo. Sforza had interrogated her on how she escaped and where the humans went. Trying their hand at burrowing into her head to try and fetch the information with Giorgia serving as his backup and watching her movements.

But to cut things short, with everything going on, the Lord's injury, the non-stop messages, etc, putting her in a cell until she spills isn't going to help.

She carefully scrubs with a sigh. Letting her head fall back as the wonderful refreshing feeling calms her achy skin. Clearing away the earlier migraine.

When she opens her eyes there waiting on the other side of the bath is lord white.

“Jesus Christ!” She leaps to get her clothes and protect her dignity sinking into the water. “What the fuck are you doing here!?”

“You did not respond to my letter. What else is a soul to do.”

She moves to the far corner and hunkers down. “How did you get in?!”

“A passageway only I am privy to.” She should have Sforza follow them and block it. Can't afford anymore winding rats to sneak in and finish them off.

Her body runs hot. Yelling at them to get out which they ignore. “But we must speak, dear.”

“I'll answer you, just let me wash and get some clothes on!”

They wave an elegant hand. ‘go on’

“Look away.” she's not trying to flash them her tits or other goods

White looks quite offended but obeys. Turning their head slightly to a wall opposite to her.

“You must understand I cannot reveal myself to be involved with Negredo. I am the last remnant of the order from the days of old. The sole protector of the king. This plan is older than you can even begin to conceive. Red and Yellow talk now of descending here at prying Anguish from you.”

She scrubs her armpits. “I get it. You could blow your cover. Pass me the soap by your feet please?”

They do so. “You have revealed your hand.” They sternly lecture. “Right now Red plots to dispose of you and Yellow has visited his knights to release his frustrations.”

“Then I will remain vigilant and wish Dyo a safe recovery on my behalf.” there is no flowery poetry or emotional prose they display for their injured ally. The terrible force and duplicity that is the inner circle of the Lord's of Allagadda proves duplicitous by the day. A snake eating its tail.

“When Anguish rejoins, all will act as if this bump never happened. You have been in Red's eye since your arrival and is likely writing to his beloved Ambassador.”

She orders. “Where is the passage you came through? Show all of them to me.”

Her authority has no effect. “I'll leave the task of future discovery to you.” White slips out as suddenly as they came. Out the corner of the bathroom, entering a different subspace, a blip in vision that the human brain can't register. Hate it when they do that.

“Giorgia!” she shouts as loud as she can. She hears her at the door. Knocking growing to banging. She shivers and crosses her arms again, sinking further into the water.

Sforza pounds at the door. “Are you well?” the handle jiggles. Then it's beaten at.

White somehow keeps the door clothes through the sheer force of an invisible hand.

Sforza and two other guards manage to burst through the door. Clutching them to her chest as she's finally able to breathe without being under their heavy gaze. She lunges for her clothing. Still dripping wet the pants and shirt become soggy as they absorb the water on her body.

The nerve of that thing! Anguish had told her Diligence was the less lascivious of the Lords and she had naively believed them!

On the bed beside her.

He remained still, waiting to see what the agent would do next. He had for centuries reveled in his inhuman nature. He has known himself to be cunning, ruthless, and brutal. Enjoying destroying the lives of his hosts and sowing seeds of chaos throughout history. He was there at the French revolution. The great fires of London. A courtier to the introduction of Mansa Musa.

They should be grateful he chose them. He doesn't spare them a thought if he could help it.

But... She made him question everything he thought he knew about humans. Or just her.

Needlessly, valiantly, stunningly, stupid. Laying beside him a thin shell apart.

[hero-nerd]

Retrying this because I messed it up the first time but here’s my Batman essay

A young boy watches as his parents are gunned down in an alley and goes on to be a hero single handedly fighting crime in Gotham. Many know the story of Batman that has been told for generations. One common theme in this story is the idea that “Batman works alone”. However, that is not the case. Through Batman's alliances, the value Batman places on working with others, and Batman's early years, this essay will describe why the idea that Batman works alone goes against his character.

Batman has had many different proteges over the years. The first of which was introduced in 1940, only one year after Batman himself was introduced. This is Dick Grayson, the first to hold the mantle of Robin. Robin was not meant to be such a storyaltering element when he was introduced. In fact, he was simply a narrative fix. The writers were having trouble giving readers enough information when their main character did not speak much, and using thought bubbles was infringing on the mysterious vibe they wanted to give Batman. The solution was simple: give Batman a sidekick. Thus the beginning of the Robin mantle was born. Several characters after Dick Grayson held the mantle of Robin. These characters are Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, and Damian Wayne. Tim Drake and Damian Wayne both currently hold the mantle of Robin, depending on what comics are being looked at. Robin is not the only mantle that has fought by Batman's side, there was also Batgirl. Barbara Gordon, Cassandra Cain, and Stephanie Brown who has served as both a Batgirl and a Robin.

Even as these characters begin to move away from their original roles as Batman's sidekick, they continue to work alongside him. Two notable new identities are Nightwing and Oracle. Nightwing is Dick Grayson’s hero identity, and he operates in Bludhaven, Gothams sister city. However, that does not stop him from coming to Gotham to help out, like he does in Batman: A Death In The Family, a comic that will be talked about later in this essay. Barbara Gordon goes on to become Oracle after she is paralyzed by the Joker, and works as an informational hub and tech guru for not only Batman but many heroes. So even as Batman's sidekicks grow up and become their own people, Batman is not left to do his work alone.

Batman is also part of a superhero team called the Justice League. Within that group he fights alongside Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern, and many others. These people are not his sidekicks or proteges, but instead they are equals working together to save the world. This team can be seen working together in the series Son of Kal-El. While this series is not focused on Batman, it gives us a good look at him working within a team. In issue one, there is an attempted alien invasion on planet earth at the same time Superman's wife is going into labor. Superman leaves the battle against the invaders at his teammates’ insistence to go be with his wife as she gives birth. When he arrives there, he finds that Batman is standing guard. When Superman asks Batman what he is doing there instead of the battle, Batman replies “I am receiving updates. I can protect your family and the planet at the same time”. This shows that Batman is willing and able to work with his team not just at the bare minimum of planetary defense, but going above and beyond to help his teammate during a time of need.

Another comic including both Batman and Superman emphasizes the value that Batman places on working together. This comic is Volume Two of Superman’s Rebirth. In this story, Superman brings his son, Jon Kent, to the batcave where Batman helps run some tests on Jon to learn more about his emerging powers. After that, Batman and Superman put their sons through tests together to teach them how to work as a team. Even when they are able to successfully complete the task on their own without the others' help, they fail the mission because they did not work together. Batman and Superman even go so far as to sage a fake attack to put their kids in a circumstance where they will have to work together. This dedication to teamwork shows that Batman places a lot of value on working with others.

In 1988, fans were given a chance to vote on whether Jason Todd, who was currently operating as Robin by Batman's side, survives an attack with the Joker. It was a close call, but in the end it was voted that Jason Todd does not survive that attack. This infamous vote could fill an entire essay of its own, but that is beyond the scope of this paper. Instead, we will look at the ramifications of the death of Batman's sidekick. After Jason’s death, Batman did not take a break from crime fighting. Instead, he threw himself into it more than ever. Without compromising his no kill code, Batman became more violent towards the people that he fought. He also became a lot more reckless. This resulted in him receiving more injuries. He was spiraling at an unsustainable rate, and refusing to take a break. This was noticed by someone named Tim Drake, a young boy who had discovered the identities of Batman and both Robins, his favorite heroes. Tim knew that Batman could not go on like this, so he approached Dick Grayson and revealed that he knows Dick’s vigilante identity. He explains to Dick what is going on with Batman, and asks him to go back as Robin, because Batman needs a Robin. Dick refuses to go back to being Robin, but he does go back and help Batman as Nightwing. During this, both Batman and Nightwing get into big trouble, and are saved by Tim Drake who donned the Robin costume to help save them. Batman takes him in as a new Robin soon after. This plotline is interesting because it really goes against the “Batman works alone” narrative that so many people like and instead it explicitly expresses the opposite. The whole moral of the story is that Batman needs a Robin by his side or he wouldn’t be Batman.

Until now, we have been examining Batman after he has established his alliances. While all of the Robins and Batgirls and the Justice League show that Batman works with many people in his career, there was a time before that. Bruce Wayne’s story begins one fateful night in Crime Alley as he watches his parents lose their lives in a mugging. He is left in that alley, and is found and comforted by someone named Leslie Thompkins. After this Bruce’s butler, Alfred Pennyworth, becomes his guardian. As he grows older, Bruce begins traveling the world to learn skills from all of the greatest masters that he would need in his journey to fight crime in Gotham. Batman Year One is a comic series published in 1986 that shows Batman's origins. His first night crime fighting, he is not Batman. He wears a disguise to look like any other civilian on the street, with a large scar drawn on his face to bring attention away from his identity. He gets into a fight with someone on the street, and loses. Somehow he manages to get back to Wayne Manor while bleeding from a gunshot wound in the leg. He lies there, weakened, wondering if this was all for nothing, if he should let the wound kill him, when a bat flies in through the window, sparking the inspiration for Batman. After that, he rings a bell to signal for his butler to come. This scene is referenced in the Robin 2021 series, when Batman's son Damian is asked to recall what Bruce's first step to becoming Batman was. Damian goes on to recount the journey that was just laid out from alley to world traveling and training to the bat flying through the window. The person asking Damian this says yes, that is what led up to Bruce’s decision to become Batman, but what was actually his first step? Then Damian realizes what the true first step was. In issue 9 of the Robin 2021 series, as his answer to the question of Bruce’s first step to becoming Batman, Damian says “The bell. He rang the bell… My father’s first step in becoming Batman was asking for help.”

We know the story of the boy who watched as his parents were gunned down in an alley who then went on to be a hero single handedly saving Gotham. However, I present a different take. A young boy who watched as his parents were gunned down in an alley, who was then comforted by another. Who went on to be raised by a man who accepted him as his own. Who trained under the tutelage of many greats, who accepted help to build the legend known as Batman today. As boy turns to man we see alliances form with peers, mentors brought to study under him, and soon step out from his teachings to continue working alongside him as equals. A man so entwined with others that without them by his side he cannot be who we know him to be. As shown through his alliances, the value he places on working with others, and his early years, we see that Batman is not the story of a solitary Dark Knight working alone to fight back the darkness of Gotham city. Instead, at its very core, Batman is a story about helping and being helped. It is a story of many.

[what-if-i-just-did]

Writing Masterpost

Triggers should be on the posts themselves, but if I missed anything, please tell me! If you want me to write something, or you want to ask my oc's a question, or whatever, just send me an ask! And don't be shy about it, cause I really love getting asks, especially for writing stuff. Also this is my AO3- go check it out!

Fanfics

August Destiel Prompt List -just a thing I did

9/11 SPN thing -what where the boys doing during 9/11?

"You're home" -a Destiel fix-it in honour of 5 nov

Whumpcember 2023 Masterpost -31 whump prompts for Team Free Will

Finally - Home -a minific about Dean and Cas' first kiss

Dean's Vows -what it says on the label

This Broken Angel With His Shotgun -Human!Cas gets drunk and listens to a song. Angsty

Whump

Recaptured Whumpee Drabble -Magical whump, found family and post apocalypse world in one drabble

Bubble Water Whump -Autistic whumpee prompt

It gets better -Caretaker and Whumpee becomes Whumpee and Whumpee

Information Source -A person with superpowers goes a little crazy due to corrupt superheroes

Guilt & Revenge Masterlist -OC whumpee gets abducted by kids he used to bully and tortured. Includes a captivity and a recovery arc

Angel, Demon, Human -Emotional whump with biblical themes, a fallen angel love story

"Humans are weird"

These don't all play in the exact same universe, eventhough they have some of the same OC's. There also isn't really a timeline or whatever.

Sight Guide Masterlist -A continuing story inspired by Superior Eyesight

Aliens & Neurodivergents -What it says on the box

Sometimes Less Is More (+ the person who asked for it) -Bringing a gun to a laser fight

Superior Eyesight (and the neurodivergent side) -What if humans could be invisible?

Body Language: Contradictory -An alien tries to learn human bodylanguage

Expressions -An alien is confused at hearing humans talk

Horrifying Defense Mechanisms -Just act crazy. Aliens don't like crazy humans

We Will, We Will, Rock You! -When you're bored but you can pop culture

How To Write X / Writing Tips

Bilingual Characters

Realistic Future Names

Other?

Werewolf Drabble Thing -How to become a werewolf

Please don't tell me I'm a prophet -Meeting an Angel

He's Not The Villain -When you get abducted so often the heroes stop caring

His Blue Eyes -Two sentence drabble

The Fairy's Forrest -A fairy tale about a little girl, a witch, and a fairy

The Demon & The Child -A woman summons a demon to take care of her child as she leaves for work

Favors from the Afterlife -a ghost follows her friend around

Non-Fiction

I remember -An open letter to my ex, but there's so many trigger warnings seriously.

What I can -Me having various emotions about how fucked society is and how I make a difference

She's Puking -Short drabble about my relationship to puking through the years. Mind the tw's

[astralscrivener]

For the Ao3 Year In Review Ask Meme: #13, #19, and #22 <333 I'm really curious about the theme one and I wanna give you the chance to hype yourself up ^u^ <3333 Love you!

WAH my #1 hypeperson...i love you too !!!!!!!!!!!!

13. what's a fic you think should have gotten more attention?

everybody (on twt, at least) is always so excited about my vague tweets about my "the blades ruined keith's mental health" fics, but then i do not get that same engagement on the fic!!! anyway

bad luck charm (twist the knife again)

and also at skyfall. always at skyfall. you guys want protective lance? you guys want empathy link jewelry? you guys want shiro and keith having the worst times of their lives? you want adam in space????

please. please. on my hands and knees begging pathetically

19. any new themes popping up in your work? or are there old themes resurfacing?

it took me this long to realize just how deeply lonely keith is and just how much his galra side effects him. i have also renewed my focus on his inner anger and rage and how much that side of himself scares him (versus how necessary it is on the front lines of a war, if he wants to keep his loved ones safe), but the loneliness that comes with that is something i haven't explored since like...2018 maybe? 2019? my fic output went down since 2019 so that could be one reason why i haven't explored as much of it but also just. i think with the distance from the show between 2019 and now i lost sight of some of the characters a little bit, and i feel like i'm finally finding my footing again

also renewing my focus on survival. how far are you willing to go to survive? to keep your loved ones safe? how do you grapple with the price of that, knowing your actions to save one person may hurt countless others? or, how do you look your loved one in the eye and tell them that one life does not outweigh infinite others, even if it is their life, specifically? wough. i missed this a lot

22. share a deleted scene, if you have one

i have so many deleted scenes all the time always. anyway i've tried and failed to rewrite the next chapter of stealing our own place in the sun so many times. vague spoilers ahead but a dozen different versions of this got scrapped:

Shiro wished he had a hangover. He woke to the sound of clapping and groaned, squinting against a bright light. Everything ached, but especially his head and his arms. When he tried to move them, he realized that his hands were bound behind him, and everything jerked into sharper focus as instinct kicked in. “Oh, good, you’re awake! No need to panic!” Shiro whipped his head around, ignoring the pain in his neck and shoulders. He was bound to a chair in what could only be called a dressing room—there was a lighted mirror behind him. In another corner, there was a chair where his suitcase had been tossed haphazardly, Paladin armor spilling over the sides of it. Beside him stood a random alien wearing a headset, who looked more than a little terrified at whatever expression Shiro wore. Then, in front of him, a small green alien in a trenchcoat who was smiling far too broadly for the situation. “Hi, Shiro!” said the alien, whose name Shiro didn’t know. Shiro blinked and bit down on every question that bubbled up inside of him. He knew better than to just give information away. Then again, biting his tongue in the bar had done him no good, because the grifter alien was really a bounty hunter who knew exactly what and who he was. Or something like that. This alien didn’t look the part of a bounty hunter, but really, Shiro had no idea at this point. “Oh,” the alien said when Shiro didn’t answer. He cocked his head. “We didn’t mess you up too badly with that stun gun, did we?” Before Shiro could react, the alien raised one of his four arms and slapped Shiro across the face.

ao3 year in review!

[uclahorror]

Blog Post #3

This week we discussed a lot about the film "Daughters of the Dust". To me, I got a lot from watching and analyzing the various details of the film. I really liked how thought-provoking it was and how it was so culturally rich in terms of the characters, costumes, and settings. I also really liked that we got an introduction to who Julie Dash is and how we as an audience could better understand what she is trying to send over to her viewers. The fact that she produced the first national distribution by a Black woman really made me appreciate how special this film is in it of itself. In addition to the gorgeous cinematography, such as the repeated visual of trees and nature, Dash amazingly captures their cultural richness through the dialect and emotional themes. The significance of the film is so far-reaching. I like how Professor Due pointed out how the film shows a lof of cutting edge technology for its time. The cameraman in the photography scene, the bubbles, and so many other scenes show how the film has forward-thinking themes. This added many elements of looking back into the past through its cultural symbolism while also having messages that are directed toward the future. The themes of memory and ancestry through the rituals which are shown throughout the film, such as the bottle tree and teaching the slowly lost language of Indigo make the film so much more rich and powerful and truly enable it to leave a lasting impact on its audience, regardless of their own culture and spiritual background. To me, the theme of familial bonds and sexuality are so universal, and they way in which Dash conveys these themes enables the viewer to appreciate those themes as their own lives as well. Thursday’s class we talked about Brother from Another Planet. This was one of the most interesting of all the things we have watched in class thus far. I loved how lively and busy the scenes were and how the story kind of developed on its own. One thing I liked how was Professor pointed out that the Alien noticed the gun. Although the scenes serve to be a metaphor, I appreciated how Professor Due recognized the inconsistency.  To me, the two lectures we had this week were so interesting and truly were so thought-provoking. I was very intrigued as Professor analyzed the film and I honestly didn’t want it to end. 

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: West Coast Avengers #18: Lost in Space-Time, Part Two: TIME WAS...

March, 1987

Trapped in the OLD WEST -- it’s a SHOWDOWN -- up against the WILDEST OUTLAWS of the 1870′s!

Dangit, Englehart! You just wanted to do another cowboy story, didn’t you?

This man just can’t get enough of cowboys. He crammed one into the Celestial Madonna Saga aftermath too.

At least this trip to the olde times seems to have a more colorful cast and no Kang. I hope no Kang. I’m still Kanged out from that big Kang story that had all the Kangs.

Anyway.

Last time on West Coast Avengers: Hawkeye decided to recruit Firebird for the West Coast Avengers and took the team to go look for her. Instead of her, the team found some desert themed villains and their boss Dominus. Dominus tricked the West Coast Avengers into stepping on Dr Doom’s time machine and sends them back in time to get them out of his hair.

Meanwhile, Hank Pym stayed home to try to kill himself but Firebird (actually she’s calling herself La Espirita now) shows up and stops him by telling him the good news about Jesus. I’m exaggerating a little BUT ONLY A LITTLE.

See?

Over a two-page spread specifically to annoy me, La Espirita unpacks her less Jesusy argument in favor of life.

Although, Bonita has gotten even more into Jesus while she’s been off-page.

She tells Hank that he’s not a failure and she knows because she studied the Avengers’ files!

The coolest Avengers adjacent people are the ones who do the homework.

She points to his discovery of the Pym Particles, how he became Ant-Man, how he mastered robotics and invented Ultron-1.

Uh, hey, Bonita? That’s a bit of a sore spot?

And Hank argues that all of his accomplishments are so far back that he hardly remembers those days. He sidelined science to make superheroism his main goal and then he blew it!

La Espirita: “There’s always hope! Maybe you just didn’t do it right!”

Hank Pym: “‘Didn’t do it right’?! I did it four different ways!”

La Espirita: “But you tried to be a type of hero not in tune with your nature! You must try to be a hero as you are!”

Hank Pym: “What? The Amazing Lab-Man?”

La Espirita: “No! But use your skills as god gave them to you! Don’t try to be an Avenger like all the others! Be unique because you are unique! I came back to this compound to see the Avengers -- but I’ll stay to help you reclaim your life!”

Oh, so I guess she wasn’t just lurking in the bushes waiting to play guardian angel.

If the West Coast Avengers had waited a day, Bonita would have come to them and they wouldn’t be going on a cowboy adventure.

Makes you think.

And she’s given Hank a lot to think about too. When he protests that she doesn’t even know him, she replies “you’re a child of god, Hank -- as are we all!” and Hank throws down the gun and starts crying.

Now the healing can begin, I guess?

This is a weird subplot.

I guess I should just be glad that comics are mostly background radiation religious because otherwise I’m half expecting Hank to come out of this born again. Even though that’s not Bonita’s religion.

Anyway, the West Coast Avengers got sent back to cowboy times, right?

Well, they don’t know that yet.

They’ve just arrived in the stereotypical desert and are trying to get their bearings/having a breakdown.

Iron Man: “We’ve stopped!”

Wonder Man: “But when -- and where?”

Mockingbird: “Yes -- when? This could be prehistory! This could be any time -- there’s no way to tell in this desert! S.H.I.E.L.D. trained me in hard science, Clint -- not time travel -- !”

She’s been pretty chill about her life being comic book ridiculous but this is where she draws the line.

Hawkeye disagrees. This is all a perfectly logical chain of events to him! Which he ‘proves’ by recapping the previous issue.

Y’know, chased those four desert themed villains to a cave, met an alien spy, stood in a specific spot, sent back in time.

Nothing overwhelming there!

Mockingbird: “Oh, thank you, honey -- I understand everything now -- !”

But what she’s really thinking, in a thought bubble is: Maybe when I’ve been an Avenger as long as he has, I’ll think a story like that is logical -- but I doubt it!

Anyway, thank goodness they have Tony Stark, Iron Man, here to something something time travel!

Iron Man: “Well, any machine that Victor Von Doom can build, Tony Stark can operate -- so let me have a look at the controls -- ! Sure... there’s the temporal displace... the V.B.L. link...”

Cool technobabble, Tony.

Wonder Man Simon Williams gets annoyed with Tony here for JUST ASSUMING that he’s the only science guy here! Dangit, Simon used to science too! Sure, he seemingly hasn’t done any science in years and instead of getting back into science, he decided to become an actor but HOW DARE they not ask Wonder Man to do a science thing!

Wonder Man: They all ignored me when I was a coward, but now that I’ve gotten self-confidence, and Hollywood stardom -- Wonder Man’s getting tired of playing a supporting role!

So when Tony declares that the time machine is broken so that it can only go backwards in time and is skeptical about whether it can be repaired, Simon jumps in declaring he’ll take a look at it.

Wonder Man: “Let me take my turn at it, Iron Man! Simon Williams gave Stark International a good run for its money once!”

Iron Man: “ -- Until Stark International put you out of business -- ! Sure, Simon -- be my guest!”

Haha, ouch, Tony!

Still annoyed that Simon dissed the original Avengers and indirectly called you old, huh?

Before Simon can start trying to science harder than Tony, the West Coast Avengers hear a YA-HOOOO! beyond a nearby ridge. A YA-HOOOO! that Hawkeye recognizes.

Hey, it’s the Rawhide Kid, the Two-Gun Kid, and Ghost Rider (but not the motorcycle guy)!

So now the West Coast Avengers know they’re in the Old West. Handy that there were a bunch of cowboys around this specific middle of nowhere.

These specific cowboys are even engaged in very cowboy activities when the Avengers spot them. Hawkeye even suggests that the Avengers hang back and just let them cowboys cowboy.

Rawhide Kid kicks ass despite being a shortie, Two-Gun Kid shoots three guns out of three guys’ hands, and Ghost Rider lets himself get shot so the bullet can pass harmlessly through him.

Just normal, typical cowboy activity like never actually shooting bullets into a person.

After the... uh I don’t know if they were bandits or what they were up to but they sure get chased off. And while watching them go, Two-Gun spots the (West Coast) Avengers and gets really excited.

He gallops his horse forward to greet his “pard” Hawkeye.

Hawkeye catches his old pard up on what’s up with Hawkeye. Now there’s two whole Avengers teams, Hawkeye is leading one, and he married Mockingbird.

Iron Man is pretty excited to meet the Rawhide Kid because he’s read alllll the dime novels written about him!

Rawhide Kid: “G’wan -- who’d wanna write about a cowpoke like me?”

Steve Englehart holding up his hand, jumping up and down excitedly.

Anyway, Two-Gun exposits that in the Olde West it is now 1876, three years after the last time Hawkeye was back in past times and two years after Two-Gun went back to the past after getting his fill of the future/present.

And he explains that those dudes they were just fighting were robbing a stagecoach and working for several gang leaders who are the cowboy equivalent of supervillains.

There’s Iron Mask, the man in the iron mask who is invulnerable because he’s wearing an iron mask.

I don’t see how it matters. These good cowboys don’t seem to shoot anybody in the body anyway.

There’s Hurricane, a quick-draw guy in a snazzy shirt.

The Rattler, who brings the power of acrobatics to Old West crime.

Red Raven (yum?) who can fly thanks to a flying harness apparently made by I dunno some First Nations group or other.

Doctor Danger, Owner of Magnet.

And a guy who calls himself the Fat Man, who has a boomerang.

They were apparently inspired somehow by the stories of the cowboys and Avengers assault on Castle Kang.

The Sinister Six these ain’t. Hell, they ain’t even the Legion of Losers.

I do appreciate that their “powers” are kept within the realm of cowboy action. But Rattler and Red Raven (yum) break the aesthetic by having costumes indistinguishable from modern superhero/villain tights. They needed something more of the time period.

I imagine these outlaws having powers like “owns a magnet” is why Wonder Man is excusing himself from the plot. Iron Man could already mop up this whole group on his own; having Iron Man and Wonder Man would be over over kill kill.

So Wonder Man is going to fly off with the time machine and take it to the local blacksmith to help him repair it because he’s very sure he can do a better job than Iron Man can can.

(Part of the reason why Wonder Man thinks he can do a better job is that Doom’s time machine was invented around the time Simon Wonder Williams was in business with Williams Manufacturing. Sure, Simon hasn’t kept his hand in the science game but maybe that’s an advantage? Because Tony is probably getting himself confused by knowing about later technology. Except you’d think the time machine would be ahead of its time since I’m pretty sure that in the 60s, THE TIME MACHINE WASN’T A COMMON TECHNOLOGY.)

Anyway.

Since Wonder Man is going to be working on the time machine and the West Coast Avengers don’t have anything better to do, Hawkeye decides the team will help take down the Sarsaparilla Swilling Six, or whatever they call themselves.

Iron Man agrees with the decision on the basis that it will keep their minds off being TRAPPED IN THE PAST FOREVER.

Tigra volunteers to ride with Rawhide Kid and immediately starts flirting, to his consternation.

It’s going to be later revealed that he’s gay. That’s not relevant but I just remembered it. He gets a Marvel MAX miniseries.

Mockingbird rides with Ghost Rider But The Cowboy One Not The Skeleton Man.

Hawkeye rides with Two-Gun so the two pards can catch up. They’re good pards.

And Iron Man flies ahead to see if he can spot the outlaws. I don’t know how heavy his armor is and I don’t know if he can ride a horse but anyway they’re out of horses.

He’s uneasy about being trapped in the past but he’s actually more uneasy that Wonder Man will show him up by fixing the time machine where Tony couldn’t.

Iron Man: “So much for being the more mature member of the team!”

Hey, admitting it is the first step. To something. I dunno.

Anyway. Pard catching up.

Two-Gun is in a weird state. He wasn’t happy in the future/present because there was just too much strangeness for a simple cowboy like him. But after seeing all the wonders of the future/present, the year of 1876 seems... boring.

Hawkeye asks if Two-Gun would want to try the future/present again but he’s just not sure.

Tigra continues to flirt with Rawhide but he pays some compliments back, wondering why Two-Gun came back to the past/present if the future had women like Tigra.

Annnnnd.

Ghost Rider is being weird.

After being taciturn the whole time, he suddenly decides that Mockingbird is a goddess.

Oooookay.

Ahead of the riders, Iron Man has lost the fleeing outlaws. He chides himself for subconsciously assuming that cowboys are primitives because they seem to have outsmarted him.

Iron Man doesn’t think that he’ll be able to find them on his advanced sensors because men and meat without advanced technology doesn’t give much to detect but he tries anyway.

And his sensors ping something big and subterranean. Ah ha, thinks Tony, this is probably related to the outlaws clearly.

So he flies back to inform the others because:

Iron Man: “[The cowboys] should take the lead at the end, anyway! It must not have become permanent, since it didn’t make either the history books or the dime novels -- but just as Kang inspired this era’s ‘super-villains’, Two-Gun’s adventures with us have planted the Avengers’ spirit in this arid soil -- and this is one Avenger who wants to nurture that for all it’s worth!”

Tony be like well nothing we’re doing here is notable because I would have heard about it.

About an hour passes between Iron Man meeting with the others and telling them what he detected and Rawhide tracking the outlaws to a likely cave.

The West Coast Avengers plus cowboys charge in and see.... everyone.

Whoops. That’s a lot.

As the flying guy that flies, Iron Man immediately confronts Red Raven who is also the flying guy that flies.

Except, as far as I can tell, Red Raven is only a flying guy that flies. And Iron Man is walking, flying armory.

So Red Raven, a guy who doesn’t do anything except fly, has a bunch of dudes lasso Iron Man and try to drag him to the ground. Because this is cowboy times, of course, there’s lassos.

But Iron Man, who is a walking, flying armory, pulls back on the lassos and starts whipping around the army of lassoin’ mooks.

Hawkeye brags that Iron Man is the weakest member of the team and starts blowing up other mooks with his exploding arrows.

But he finds his arrows yoinked away by... DOCTOR DANGER, OWNER OF MAGNET!

Even Hawkeye, man who uses archery to be an Earth’s mightiest hero, thinks this is a ridiculous character concept.

And then Fat Man, owner of boomerang, knocks Hawkeye’s bow out of his hand with his boomerang.

Then Two-Gun shoots Fat Man’s boomerang to bits. Which. I guess. He’s just a guy now. He’s not even carrying an actual gun.

Doctor Danger, owner of magnet, tries pulling away Two-Gun’s two guns. And he also yoinks another arrow from Hawkeye.

Or Hawkeye let the arrow go because its one of his gas arrows.

Hawkeye pulls another one of his patented arrow based hoodwinks! Classic Hawkeye!

Meanwhile, Iron Mask grabs Mockingbird to use her as a hostage.

Geez, Mockingbird. He’s in a metal suit. He cannot be stealthy.

But Ghost Rider rides out of the shadows to save her.

Tigra squares off against Hurricane as he quick draws and fires at her feet. But she just dodges away because REFLEXES.

She dodges right into the grasp of Rattler but she shreds his costume with her claws and then hurls him at Hurricane, knocking them both out.

Wow. Tigra and Hawkeye knocked out two of these jokers each. And Mockingbird got captured. She is not doing well.

Oh and Iron Man rips off Red Raven (yum)’s wings because Red Raven is a man with the superpower of equipment based flight and owns a gun and has nothing else going for him.

Iron Man hasn’t even had to use his repulsors!

Granted, these are villains that are leveled to cowboy heroes. This is like rolling into the starting world in a video game with endgame heroes.

Iron Mask: “This can’t be happening! These -- these ringers have helped the kids best all my men! But Iron Mask is never caught unprepared! I’d hoped not to use him -- to keep him secret for my assault on the territorial capital -- but now -- Come forth, my secret weapon! COME FORTH!”

Haha what?

So Living Totem is from a 60s Rawhide Kid comic so he’s definitely in the idiom of this general cowboy times adventure, I guess.

But like.

Why?

Also: does he naturally look like this or did he decorate himself like a totem pole as camouflage when he was stranded on Earth?

In his original appearance, Rawhide Kid assumed that he was trapped underground by medicine men but I don’t know if he was just wildly speculating. Either way, this guy was buried underground but was freed when a silver mine Dug Too Deep and unleashed this hidden fun stuff.

Have no idea how Iron Mask convinced a giant alien that hates humans to work for his gang but there we are.

Anyway, Living Totem brags that he’s invulnerable to anything of Earth but that doesn’t stop the Avengers from collapsing a cliff on top of him.

To cap things off, this big boy was what Iron Man’s sensors detected.

Two-Gun and Rawhide drag the entire captured gang and gang leaders to the town jail.

I seriously doubt that the jail has enough cells for all of them but it lets Two-Gun feel accomplished.

And the Avengers West Coast assemble over at Boom-Boom’s smithery where Wonder Man admits that welp actually an old west blacksmith can’t actually help him repair a time machine.

Dangit, the irony of the situation is that the replacement parts they really need are transistors and even though Iron Man loves transistors like they’re his own children, the ones in his suits just aren’t the right type!

I actually do miss Iron Man talking about transistors whenever he did anything.

And the thing of it was the he did that because transistor revolution started in 1959, several years before Iron Man was introduced. So it was the big new technology and comic writers don’t often understand the big new technology except that it can be peppered through a story for flavor.

So if Iron Man was invented today, would his armor be crypto powered? God I hope not. Transistors were actually useful.

Anyway.

Two-Gun is right on hand to try to soften the blow of being stuck in the past.

Two-Gun Kid: “Hawkeye -- I know this seems like terrible news, but you’ve lived here before! If you have to stay, I’ll do everything I can to make you and your team happy!”

There’s really a deep friendship between these two pards.

Anyway, Wonder Man isn’t ready to give up yet.

Sure, the time machine is half-broken. Which is to say, it’s half-functional. It’s stuck in reverse so why not go further back in time?

Hawkeye: “HUH?!!”

But Wonder Man’s got a Wonder Plan.

They can’t go back to the present but they can go further into the past... say to the time of Ancient Egypt where Nicer Rama-Tut ruled?

As a refresher: Rama-Tut is just younger Kang and he was a dick who fought the Fantastic Four. But then Kang got old and tired and in a very Kangish way decided he hated himself at a different point on the timeline.

He gave up conquest and returned to rule Egypt, presumably without having to conquer it. Anyway, he was a cool guy give or take being a god-king ruler of a land that required at least some force to maintain power.

So if the West Coast Avengers show up, he’d probably totally fix the time machine! Because he’s a great guy, Older, Nicer Rama-Tut is!

Ghost Rider objects that this is a really dumb idea that could strand them LOST IN TIME FOREVERRRR but Hawkeye is going to do it anyway. Because giving up without trying ever reckless idea just isn’t the Hawkeye way.

Ghost Rider keeps objecting but Mockingbird tells him hey glad he’s concerned but Hawkeye said they’re doing the reckless plan so they’re doing the reckless plan because he’s the chairman of this wacky team.

Wonder Man proposes that the team try going back one hundred years first as a test before trying to go all the way back fifty centuries. Just to make sure they can control the time machine.

But when Wonder Man activates the time platform and it starts building up power, Ghost Rider goes wild.

He bonks Mockingbird, slings her over his horse, and rides off with her.

Ghost Rider: “Mockingbird must not be lost! The goddess must remain with the ghost!”

Hawkeye tries jumping off the time platform after his wife but Wonder Man and Iron Man hold him in place because “energy-flux” would tear him apart.

And I imagine having half of you in one century and half in another is probably bad for homeostasis.

Two-Gun and Rawhide realize that they’re going to have to go after Ghost Rider to rescue Mockingbird. Even though they have no idea how they’re going to reunite Mockingbird and Hawkeye even if they DO rescue her.

What a mess.

The Avengers -- and the PLOT -- have been split between three different centuries!

Hank Pym and La Espirita are still doing stuff in the 20th century. Mockingbird is having further mandatory cowboy adventures in the 19th. And the rest of the West Coast Avengers are on their way to the 18th!

Dammit, time travel!

Follow @essential-avengers​ because I don’t have an essential-west-coast-avengers tumblr. Like and reblog? It’s up to you.

[dailycharacteroption]

Wild Builds 1: Intrepid Pulp Space Hero

 If you know your comic book history, you probably know that comic book superheroes owe a lot to the pulp heroes that preceded them: bold action heroes, some sporting superpowers of their own, that fought against injustice, Nazis, and other villainous groups both mundane and fantastical.

The origin of the term “pulp” refers to the cheap paper used to print said serials and novellas on, another tie that they share with comic books, though such characters often also got adapted into radio plays and television shows, even movies as well.

A common recurring image in the more science fiction-themed pulp heroes was the classic image of the intrepid space hero, usually wearing some manner of futuristic armored spacesuit, complete with bubble helmet, a ray gun pistol, and usually featured with some beautiful human (or sometimes not human) woman that they’ve rescued and/or are defending from some alien menace.

This is your classic Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon type, though they are hardly the only examples, and today I aim to recreate the feel of such a character in today’s build, which will use Starfinder’s rules.

 For this build, we’ll be going with the envoy class with the combat expertise alternate class feature. In this way, our pulp hero will be surprisingly savvy in combat even though they’re not typically wielding giant guns or stabbing implements. Conversely, while they do not gain the expertise dice to their skill rolls with the combat expertise, they still remain highly skilled characters.

As far as options go, having a good variety is a natural pick for these resourceful heroes, but the Expert Diversion, Keen Observer, and Maneuver Expertise talents all make for a clever hero that can read a situation, think on their feet, and fight surprisingly well in close quarters. As far as improvisations go, Clever Feint, Don’t Quit, Duck Under, Exactly as I Would Have Done, and so on. Anything that gives them an edge even when facing multiple foes. Meanwhile, for feats, I’d recommend improved unarmed strike for emergencies, as well as at least one weapon proficiency feat, especially if they have a signature weapon beyond pistols. Beyond that, anything to, again, increase survivability and control of the battlefield.

This build is expected to work alone and fight by the skin of their teeth, but in a game like Starfinder, you’re naturally going to be working with allies, so don’t forget your improvisations are meant to help allies too.

 That does it for this week, but I really hope you enjoyed it! Coming up with these builds has been a lot of fun, as has been exploring what makes these classic ideas in media tick.

[radellama]

Games I Played in 2021

Going to start off by saying, I feel I didn’t really get to play many games this year, and when I did I found myself feeling very :/// about current gen games. I had some help modding my 3DS as I was too busy to do most of it, and it was probably the best thing to come of this year gaming wise for me. I don’t know if my crankiness this year is attributed to outside factors reducing my patience and letting my over-critical self run rampant, or if perhaps I’ve finally aged out of being the target audience to most things and need to just stay in my bubble. Regardless, there's a lot of salt and weird games in my gaming recap of 2021 ahead. Also I’m not counting games like solitaire and sudoku even though they’re probably what hold the most gaming hours for me this year. Possible mild spoilers for some games I discuss, and I kinda gave up on reviewing properly so have fun deciphering these rants :P

Happy Home Designer

Well, theres not all that much to say here but I’ll find a way to make this a paragraph too long, I bet :P I wasn’t happy with New Horizons at all, and when I saw HHD come out years ago I was always curious, as collecting furniture was one of my favourite parts of Animal Crossing. Playing this was nice, but its a brain off kinda game. It was nice designing spaces for villagers, though it really did feel like a spin off game (funny to say that, when a lot of people would debate how much of a game a casual one like AC in general is) I played for a solid couple of months, had fun and then slowly stopped playing as the repetitiveness set in.

I would like to make a side note here and say. Fucking hell why did ACNH essentially make this game as the DLC. And only JUST add Brewster in? And not even in his own Cafe, he’s back in the museum… I stopped playing NH a while ago and seeing all these updates that SHOULD’VE BEEN THERE IN THE BASE GAME come out kinda makes me mad. I bought the DLC for my siblings as an early Christmas gift, but I don’t think I’ll buy it myself. Why? Cause I have Happy Home Designer on my 3DS and can already play it and it’s probably better lmao. I feel like AC has gone downhill ever since the app came out and I just miss playing Wild World.

nooks homes - https://youtu.be/uzbhyEiNi5k

first preview - https://youtu.be/ONYdWhLEFRU

tom nooks theme - https://youtu.be/0Khgfifk69Q

~~

Sims 2 DS

This game is fucking weird. It’s barely a Sims game, its actually a hotel management game. And a weird one. You crash your car on the outskirts of this weird and isolated town in the desert, and then stuff happens and you kinda take over the managerial position for the absent hotel manager. I had this game on my DS as a teen, I used to play it when I’d hang out in my parents parked car and for some reason sat in there for hours in the summer heat and it’d be worse than a sauna. I think it enhanced the vibe of all these weird npcs going a little loopy in the desert tbh. The game is still weird, I got further than I did as a kid, but I’m at a late game stage where I don’t really care to go further, so I’m calling it done.

I think it was a bad choice to have it be real time, I think an internal time system would’ve worked better at adding more of a constraint to the chores you have to perform and make the late game more challenging. Having events like alien invasion or goonies attacking prompt countermeasure challenges (spraying aliens with a water gun or dressing up as a superhero rat to stun and arrest goonies respectively) have a time limit of one real life hour is too easy. It takes barely 3 minutes to prepare and find them, attack them and get it over with. Theres also not really any stakes if you lose, so half the time I’d just ignore them lol. I don't’ really know what to say to this, its so fucking strange that it’s hard to describe, and the reason why I stopped was just cause I didn’t care to go collecting useless skill points that are only useful for this one mission, poor game design. Also, can’t even whoo hoo in this game smh 0/10

strangetown at night - https://youtu.be/tkcnohuXygc

electric pop - https://youtu.be/IMnCXpCMqfs

disco blitzkrieg - https://youtu.be/krWWnsgBo9Y

~~

Sims 3 DS

This is the worst sims game I’ve ever played you can barely do anything and most the furniture is ugly. I made my oc Harland and this was the first time I ever considered that I never made a last name for him, and then I made him a nurse and then spent most his free time reading. You can’t even whoo hoo here either smh 0/10. For some reason I played it for 5 weeks straight. Harland is now the best dr in the world and he has read almost every book ever. As you can imagine, it was boring and it sucked.

No song recs cause its not immediately popping up when I search and I don’t care to look cause the ost was bland tbh.

~~

Mario Kart 7

Hm. So. Last year I didn’t include games like this, but I really haven’t played much this year and I feel like being salty. MK8 didn’t need to exist, all the tracks I thought were originals to that game were actually from here. There’s not enough difference to warrant 8 existing, apart from the DLC they added on the Wii U and Switch, but even then… if mk8 was just an expanded port of this game, it’d be the EXACT SAME. This was a mario kart, nice to just zoom around when I was in desperate need of a brain break between the most chaotic uni term I’d had all year, but MKWii is still superior in my eyes.

Not linking any songs but this soundtrack is better than the soulless ‘jazz’ in MK8.

~~

Super Mario Kart

Just here as a companion to the previous entry. This game is still hard as shit and I’m glad they moved away from go-kart driving. Spinning out and bumping around sucks ass and popping wheelies in MKWii is more fun - but I still love this game cause I grew up on it and koopa looks pink and naked.

Listen to the soundtrack that I’m not linking here cause I’m lazy and will just hum it from memory :P

~~

Harvest Moon SNES

This game was a big part of my childhood. I played it again and got pretty far. It suffers from being a 90s game, which is especially apparent in winter sections where there is absolutely nothing to do other than feed your animals. It’s a very bare bones farming sim cause as I understand, it’s one of the first mainstream ones ever, and I love it’s simplicity like that. Trying to cover my whole farm in grass was an ambitious task [and I mean doing this with no cheats too] but I was determined. I almost got there, and married a woman and had 2 kids and it was fun, but the absolute lack of anything to do during winter and seeing that I’m barely halfway through the month on my second year was just a bit rough. I think I had more patience for this as a kid, and also I was so busy that I preferred to be boring and play sudoku in my spare time instead of harvest moon winter. This is a lovely game and very chill, and I loved dipping back in to play on the comfortable portability of my 3DS.

Town - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mwe_Y8QqdP0

Summer - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfK0Lg6byrw

trolls cave - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3EkT-jUNAg

~~

Dandy Dungeon

This was one of the best games that I played on Switch this year, and it’s one that I used to play on mobile during high school lol. Its a nice wrapped up definitive edition or something, it’s very charming and cheeky, and I like its simple premise and execution. I highly recommend playing it just because it is so simple and easy to get into, I think it’s a dungeon crawler lite but I dont really know that genre so lmao. You just go through levels, plot out a path and bash up enemies. It was a mobile game, so I mean it when I say simple, but its good fun and I recommend it. If the mobile version is still up it should be free, and I only bought it on switch because it was on sale.

demon lord - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCpmPf9S_VM

Retrograde life - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5ydIElLOHA

wonderbad battle - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL1Q_XlE6pE&t=13s

~~

Castlevania 1987

This was the other best game I played on Switch this year, and its a NES game. I was excited seeing the Castlevania collection, as I’ve always wanted to play the early stuff, but kept forgetting to go find ways to play. Yeah yeah, its a sin to buy shit like this when I don’t agree with the way Nintendo are going about whatever blah blah, but this is a neat little collection and convenient to have and now I don’t have to set up a nes emulator on my wii.

Onto the actual game, I played for like 90 minutes and had the best time. I don’t know if I’ve really just had that shit a time with gaming this year or if I’m just a cranky boomer gamer at heart, but this was awesome. It was fun cracking the whip and the enemies looked funny, and the first boss fight I encountered was challenging in a refreshing way by being so simple (no that doesnt make sense, yes i was just glad to play a game from back in the day and enjoy it for what it was) I died entirely too much, but I was playing after christmas lunch on my sister’s tv while chilling in the corner so i couldn’t really see the tv properly and was tired, but I can’t wait to play through all these games next year. Also the music is really good, especially by NES standards. But, if you couldn’t tell already, I love these older soundfonts and am always impressed with how much depth they can convey in their little beeps and boops. Yeah, I barely played, whatever, I had fun and it was one of the highlights of my gaming year, so its going on the list.

Vampire Killer - https://youtu.be/TAz_4zHBT1M

Stalker - https://youtu.be/SMTKbZKnXzU

~Skyward Sword HDtps://youtu.be/x8-NIlObLtA

~~

Skyward Sword HD

Ahh Skyward Sword, what an awesome game to celebrate the 25th anniversary, I’ve got the gold wiimote and the anniversary CD - Oh wait…. This is actually the 35th anniversary. And they’ve released… the exact same thing that they did for the last decades one….. Not even a Zelda all-stars like Mario? Not even a unique little game? We’ve done this before. Skyward Sword with an anniversary remote but this time there’s no soundtrack cd that comes with it. Ok…

That particular grumble aside, this is one of my personal favourite Zeldas, despite all it’s flaws, and I was excited to see it in HD and at the potential of getting a new wave of appreciators. There are some quality of life improvements that are very much appreciated, like reduced Fi sword-splaining, and being able to look around with the camera.

I was very curious to see how the dual stick sword play would go, as I believe like the last time we saw SS released, it could be the trial run to see how a mechanic works and refine it for the next game. (think the stamina in sswii -> botw) I didnt play SSHD for long, but I did play long enough to try out this dual stick sword, and I gotta say, once you get over the learning curve, it’s pretty good. It felt nice to have incredibly precise control of the sword, and it was fun slashing through the enemies this way and took me right back to all my playthroughs on the wii. However, I found the motion controls to be ASS here on switch. I don’t know why everyone complained about the motion controls on wii, I played as a dumb kid multiple times over the years and never really had a problem with them. I’m willing to bet all the people who complained about the motion controls on wii were people who didn’t calibrate the remote like it asked you to. On Wii, I’d only have to recenter the pointer once every couple of HOURS, and by that time it was often long enough that I would be satisfied with the session and stop for the day. On Switch, it was mere MINUTES between having to recenter. In fact, often during normal enemy encounters, I’d feel like I had to recenter after defeating a single enemy. Sure, it’s handy that theres a quick button to press and it recenters… but I shouldn’t have the motion controls be worse on a supposedly superior console. I can’t say for sure if I’m just a grump about this, but when the switch was announced and everyone was fawning over the motion controls and vibration, by the time I actually got to try one out at a demo, I was largely unimpressed. Once again, I am really dissapointed by the way the motion controls were adapted here for a game that is centered around it. If by chance, you think I might be doing something wrong and there’s a way to calibrate the joycons better for optimal play, please let me know. I just feel that with my current understanding of the way both types of motion control works, I just don’t see how the motion control could work better than the wii without something like the sensor bar to guide it.

I will also say, although so far with my short time dipping my toes in, and enjoying the dual stick, this absolutely sucks ass with joycon drift. I wont say anything for certain cause I haven’t played through the whole thing yet, but although changes like being HD and camera control and less Fi ramblings are appreciated, we’ve been here before, and this is really the most bare bones of a remake/port to current gen. I love this game so so much and I think it really didnt get the chance to be appreciated for what it was, but cmon. THe motion controls were so fun back in the day and I loved most the main and side quests, the soundtrack was absolutely gorgeous and I think this zelda game makes the best use out of all its items. Like, yeah you don’t use the slingshot as much after you get other items, but you can upgrade them and keep using them, like there are multiple places to use the beetle and the whip ect, their use isnt just confined to the dungeon you find them in and the occasional secret to remind you that those items still exist. I enjoyed the dungeons and the scenery of the game was always beautiful, its exciting to see it in HD and I so desperately hoped that this would give a chance for those brilliant bits to be seen for what they were and for old fans and new enjoyers to come together on that, and it seems that botw2 has stronger references to ss so I cant wait for that to overshadow this game. But tbh, this just reminds me of every grievance I have with the switch in one beautiful game. Whadda hell.

fi’s farewell - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DAJBU4Wtqg

gate of time - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0np8WU2Znw

ballad of the goddess - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23hJeaLotEw

~~

Detroit Become Human

This is an interesting one… As it’s probably easy to guess, I love stories about robots/androids because I find them fascinating. (Blame it on Data from Star Trek and Robo from Chrono Trigger :P) I watched a playthrough with a friend in a massive binge session when it came out, and it was super fun. I know theres controversy with the creators or something, in all honesty I forgot what the deal was, but I bought this for like $4 in the bargain bin so lmao. While I wouldn't’ exactly call this a game, it is a pretty fun choose-your-own-adventure story. You follow three plotlines that are happening simultaneously, one of the special detective android, Connor - one of the caretaker who’s taken custody of a small child, Kara - and one of a different kind of carer android that eventually become robo jesus and spreads deviance in order to fight for android rights, Markus.

As I’m sure everyone knows, the Connor sections are the best; detective work and mystery solving are really captivating and I feel you get to see the best of both a concentrated pov and more at large pov of how androids are treated through his sections. His deviance is interesting, and I was glad to see an older gentleman be his partner protag instead of yet another young and generically-attractive dude lol. The way Connor bounces off Hank during investigations and seeing either a friendship begin or witness the absolute crumble of Hank’s mental state was compelling for the most part, and the chemistry between the actors really made their sections memorable.

Kara’s sections are a bit weaker, as you do have to take care of a little girl named Alice during it, however I thought there were still stand out moments, even if they felt melodramatic and strange at times. You also get the choice to gain a companion on your journey, Luther, and I think he is one of my favourite characters in the game because he has such an interesting introduction/backstory and he is still willing to selflessly help (if you go down the right path) from seeing how much Kara cares about Alice. While a lot of people may find Kara’s sections boring, I think they’re important as they showcase a much more domestic pov for the android racism thats going on and helps flesh out the worldview at large - though the reveal that happens during the Jericho arc for her is fucking dumb and I hate it, it could’ve been done better but I see what they were going for.

For me, Markus was actually the weakest of all the sections, especially as I feel he had the most potential to say more in his sections. He starts as a well off caretaker for a rich artist that has high support needs, and it’s clear that they have a close relationship like a father and son. This directly contrasts with the domestically abusive caretaker situation Kara was in that birthed her deviance, which is part of the reason why I feel Markus’ section, especially at the beginning is weaker. However, him being in a more affluent situation and living in a different bubble to other androids at large gave him a unique perspective of both human and android lives, which did make it interesting that he became a messiah of sorts and led androids to revolution. What I found really weak though, was that he just kinda. Becomes a leader without really earning it. He didn’t actually experience the full weight of android racism, so it often felt like he hadn’t earnt the leadership positions he’d been quickly thrust into which made it hard for me to follow in a narrative sense. Why were they all so quick to trust him and follow him? It felt lazy as hell lol. Especially when, as I’m playing, I’m thinking just briefly about it further than surface level to create more satisfying explanations, I wish there was a bit more refinement put into his story. As the one to lead the revolution, I wish they touched more upon android ptsd, as I feel him trying to work through the heavy emotions that come with deviance and realising how bad their situation is would’ve been both a better motivator for his protests, and a better companion plotline for Connor and Kara.

All three could’ve done with more refinement tbh, and before anyone tries to suggest that it be a much bigger focus on Connor, or even the whole game centered around him - no, that wouldn’t work lol. I love the Connor sections, but they’re actually just not strong enough to stand on their own, and part of why they are so fondly remembered is because there was more action and they felt more refined compared to Markus and Kara lol. I understand that it is incredibly difficult to commit to a huge branching story like this, but a little more time in the oven with better writers, or at least a producer or something that had a better understanding of the vision and could help keep everything tied together would’ve been awesome. Its still a decent game all these years later, but its so fucking shallow at the same time. Like imagine a more refined version of this game, one that tackles three important aspects of android life and deviancy that all converge for the climax and is more than the most shallow of allegories for racism or xenophobia. Connor’s relationship with Hank is interesting! Play up the tension between Connor trying to be genuine and work well with the jaded and often hung over detective as he battles ostracization from humans for being a freak android thats taking over their jobs and being considered a traitor to androids for working with humans to put them away. Kara’s deviancy is interesting! Play up how hard it is for her to shed android-ity in order to blend in with humans enough to keep Alice safe while they travel to try find a new life for themselves, and toeing the line between when to trust humans or androids as the social opinion during protests changes. Markus’ journey from having to run away for his own safety and having to work his way through the broken and rejected android undergrounds is interesting! Play up the aspects of how objectified androids are, how easily they’re thrown away and fucked over and explore ptsd within reject androids. Theres a really interesting scene after Markus runs away and wakes up in a garbage pit, and has to crawl through living graveyards of barely working androids and pull them apart so he can rebuild himself. I thought they were going to go somewhere with this, to show how much that affects him and how it reflects his patchwork view of android life, going from the easiest life he could possibly have to falling right into the pits of android hell. Link him more with the android religion that Connor and Hank investigate, show us how taboo it is considered for them to have built their own societies, cultures, religion, and what they’re willing to go through to stand up for their rights. I would’ve liked to see more strange protests from them as well, ones that really showcase how different they are as androids, but also highlight how similar they are to humans. I think struggling to appeal to humans while also trying to convince androids to become deviant has a lot of potential, as you see in the game the more you make controversies the more public opinion goes down which makes some mild consequences in later sections. Markus’ sections are the parts to get really gritty and uncomfortable with that! We have two other aspects covered but his in game section feels like more of a retread of what Kara is going through which is sad.

This is rambly and I do really love the concept, and theres a lot I haven't discussed, but I think i should call it here. Love the concept, wish more competent writing teams were allowed to explore this subject matter more and lean into how cool it could be, and the soundtrack is awesome actually! (even though most the bangers are from connors lol)

Now - https://youtu.be/-ODbE6OY0s8

they all look the same - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Rf2Ecl7dDg

will you trust me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAkZtKi1RLk

special mention of that one luther trailer - https://youtu.be/dDdShA6t9H4

~~

Another Eden

I was recommended this game by a friend about half a year ago, and tbh I only really had my interest fully piqued when the chrono cross event was announced. It was a pleasant surprise tho, I enjoyed most my time with it even though I zoomed through the main story to unlock the cross event. It may have been detrimental for me to zoom as fast as I did, but I also feel this is just a little too adjacent to the kind of games I like that I wouldn’t have enjoyed it much more than I already have if I went slower. Its a nice little jrpg-lite mobile game, it has gatcha elements that I didn't really understand and it was only until I was about halfway through chap 15 that my friend told me how to use it and I’d been brute forcing my way through the game like a normal jrpg lol. The graphics are cute, the music is mitsuda inspired, and the story was nice, even though it got really goofy near the end.

I enjoyed the beginning a lot, travelling through time to figure out what force is tearing the timeline apart and how to stop it, but it seemed to really go off the rails near the end and then the big impactful moment was kinda ‘undone’ in the after-scene to introduce the further chapters in part two of the game. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m interested in continuing further, the end was nice enough as far as I’m concerned, and when I finish the cross event I think I’ll be happy leaving it at that. I’m glad to have played it, and it was nice seeing how much chrono trigger in particular seemed to inspire this game - (I believe a significant amount of the team had worked in chronoverse or were at least huge fans, what with between Kato writing again and Mistuda doing the main theme :P) - but I feel it wasn’t quite as good at ct lol. Thats to be expected, as a mobile game and kato having done the story for cross and dreamers, but ehhhhh it was so close to scratching an itch for the kind of stories like ct, but it just didn’t hit the spot. Perhaps this is more because its mobile game, or I’m just far too in love with ct that its incomparable to other games (or maybe cause I filled my party with guys who my friend described as ‘male cleavage’) but I think I’m happy with just this little stint I did in order for the rarity that is chrono content. Definitely worth trying out for yourself, I think I actually had more fun with other quests than the main one overall, as there were a large variety of side quests and character quests that added flavour to the world. Enjoyable, but just a bit too adjacent for me to hold it in any higher esteem than this.

Moonlight Forest - https://youtu.be/20ASkSK_Jis

Main Theme - https://youtu.be/CDz2QzLCYTI

Ratle - https://youtu.be/Ti7gIv9BVnw?t=3209

[aion-rsa]

Critters: The Making of a Comedy Horror Cult Classic

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Rupert Harvey knew he was on to something with Critters after one memorable test screening.  Specifically, it was the scene where the Critters, who had already been terrorizing the Brown family, were standing on the doorstep of the family’s home talking in their guttural language with subtitles translating for the audience…until one of them is blown to gooey bits by a shotgun blast (wielded by none other than E.T. mom Dee Wallace), and the other lets out a subtitled “Fuck.”

“It totally destroyed the audience,” Harvey recalls. “They just howled. We lost the next scene because they were laughing so hard and I thought: ‘Okay, this is probably going to work.’” 

It had already taken a lot of work for Critters to get this far. 

Bringing Critters to Life

Released on April 11, 1986, the horror comedy about a small town and farm-dwelling family under attack from little furry space aliens with a taste for human flesh was unfairly dismissed by some as a Gremlins knock-off. 

But that did a disservice to the unique tone of Critters; a sci-fi comedy featuring belly laughs alongside genuine moments of terror. A film that owed as much to 1950s sci-fi B-movies as it did anything else, with its tale of picturesque Americana under attack from aliens. 

It also overlooks the film’s quirkier narrative aspect like the pair of shapeshifting alien bounty hunters who arrive on Earth to hunt the Critters down, with one of them assuming the form of a popular Jon Bon Jovi-esque rock musician. 

This surreal sci-fi tone, coupled with the copious violence, occasional bad language, and general unpredictability of it all helped give Critters the feel of a rebellious younger brother to the more mature Gremlins.  

To many, it was the cooler, edgier movie and one that boasted underlying themes that remain universal to this day. 

More importantly, the accusation of imitation was incorrect. If the two films were related, it wasn’t by design with screenwriter Brian Dominic Muir first writing the script for Critters back in 1982, two years before Joe Dante’s film hit cinemas.  

“I don’t think I saw Gremlins until we were in post-production,” Harvey, who produced Critters and worked on two of its three original sequels, tells Den of Geek. “It was certainly not something we were thinking about very much at the time, if at all. 

We were dealing with very different creatures and the fact that they were so different in concept meant I wasn’t terribly bothered by it. Gremlins were these mythical, earthbound, magical beings whereas Critters were extraterrestrial. People who say there are similarities are just influenced by the fact Gremlins was such a huge success, but it was a much bigger budget movie.” 

Muir’s script didn’t see the light of day for nearly three years before he showed it to friend and fellow budding filmmaker Stephen Herek who developed it further. That was where Harvey came in. 

The three men met while working on Android, a distinctive low budget sci-fi film Harvey was producing alongside independent movie trailblazer Roger Corman.  

“Brian gave me Critters to read and l loved it,” Harvey recalls. “It was an archetypal American story about foreigners invading the homeland. It’s quite prescient given the current state of politics in America. There was this quintessentially American setup with this almost pioneering family struggling through adversity to come out the other side.” 

35 years on, that notion of protecting the homeland is one Harvey feels is reflected in the inward-looking politics increasingly prominent in America and the UK today. That sentiment was already bubbling under the surface when Critters came out in the Reagan-era of the 1980s.

“It was novel to look at that then through the lens of Critters,” he says. “No one was seeing the film in those terms but that human fear of outsiders coming in has always been there and has been a fundamental part of cinema and drama since forever.” 

Harvey agreed to develop the film under his production company, Sho Films. Though he mulled over an offer to produce a low budget version of Critters with Corman, everything changed when Bob Shaye and New Line Cinema came calling. 

Writing Critters

“New Line was really a mom-and-pop operation at that point. They hadn’t made A Nightmare on Elm Street yet. They weren’t the New Line of today, but Bob offered to double our budget, so I did the deal.” 

Even so, Shaye took some convincing on the choice of director. 

Herek would go on to helm Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead, and a string of big budget Disney movies in the years that followed but had never directed prior to Critters, having previously worked as an editor. 

“Stephen, to his credit, even though he had no leverage other than a script we wanted to make, absolutely insisted that nobody would direct it but him and if he didn’t it wouldn’t get made,” Harvey says. “He stuck to his guns and there was never any shift in that position on Brian’s side. I had to convince Bob on several occasions to go ahead with us and, even during production, to actually stick with Steve. But we were all very glad that he did.” 

On the writing side, Harvey enlisted Sho Films’ in-house writer Don Opper. A fellow Roger Corman acolyte, Opper had written and starred in Android where he also worked with Herek and Muir. 

He was seen as the ideal candidate to work alongside Herek after Muir became unwell. 

“Brian, unfortunately, became quite ill not long after we started making Critters,” Harvey says. 

Muir was reportedly battling Hodgkin’s disease at the time. Though he recovered, the writer, who often wrote under the pseudonym August White for Full Moon Entertainment later in his career, sadly died from cancer aged 48 in 2010.  

“He was a very sweet, nice man,” Harvey recalls. “In Brian’s absence, Don worked with Stephen on polishing the script. One of the ways was to enhance the family and their relationships.” 

By then the distinctive looking Opper had also been cast in the pivotal role of Charlie McFadden, the town drunk and a conspiracy theorist convinced the fillings in his teeth are picking up signals from outer space.  

Like a cross between Randy Quaid’s deranged pilot from Independence Day and Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade, Charlie would eventually emerge as a fan favorite, appearing in each of the three Critters sequels. 

He was one of several quirky locals introduced early on in Critters with much of the first third of the film dedicated to establishing the Brown family, their farm, and the characters of the fictional Kansas town of Grover’s Bend where the Critters land.  

In one picture postcard scene of the perfect nuclear family, the Browns gather round the breakfast table in a primary colored kitchen, blissfully unaware of the approaching danger and disruption to follow. 

That slow build-up may be less commonplace today, but it’s something Harvey believes was crucial to the success of the film. 

“That was one of the things that appealed to me about the script,” he says. “If you set that up properly and the audience is in there with you. They gain an understanding of the family dynamic right away and they are engaged. It helps you then feel for each one of them subsequently…The rules are the same, and they have been since the first Greek dramas; storytelling is still about humans and the human condition. Just making stuff about what the monsters are doing has no appeal.” 

Critters came during a time when horror comedies were commonplace in multiplexes.

“Studios started to notice in test screenings that the audience response was often bigger when you capped a scare or moment of high tension with a bit of wit or humor,” Harvey explains. 

Post-screening surveys bore this out; using humor to emphasize or punctuate a terrifying moment drew a bigger response from the audience. Regardless of the visceral impact of the scare itself. It made it more memorable to viewers.

The Cast of Critters

It helped that Critters boasted an impressive cast to bring the script to life.  

Blade Runner’s M. Emmet Walsh appeared as the grouchy local sheriff while Dee Wallace, who had starred in E.T. only a few years earlier, was also convinced to sign on as the Brown family matriarch Helen. Billy “Green” Bush was cast as the hardworking man of the house Jay Brown with Nadine van der Velde as his high school teen daughter April. 

Despite some impressive names, Harvey ranks the casting of future Party of Five and ER star Scott Grimes in the role of mischievous central teenage protagonist Brad Brown as the most significant. It’s Scott who first discovers the Critters and Scott that begins to fight back against them using his slingshot and potent firecrackers coming off like a hellish Kevin McCallister from Home Alone. 

“Scott was tailor-made for the role,” Harvey says. “He was at the center of the craziness and he had the audience’s sympathy and support because no one was paying attention to him.” 

For all the acting talent on display, however, much of the movie’s success rested on the tiny shoulders of a few hedgehog-like puppets. 

“The biggest challenge was making the Critters appear to be a viable threat as the antagonists,” Harvey says. “We were really fortunate that we found the Chiodo Brothers.” 

A trio of siblings who specialized in stop motion and animatronic work, the Chiodos were relative newcomers to the movie business and would go on to projects like Elf and Team America: World Police. 

“We knew from the script we were dealing with a fur ball that got around fast by rolling around and was all teeth and voracious,” Harvey says. “That was the extent of the design parameters. They came up with the drawings and the details as to how they would work.”

Harvey cites the Critters’ distinctive, almost limbless design as both a blessing and a curse.  

“From a construction and manipulation point of view, they were relatively straightforward,” he says. “But from an action perspective, there was not a lot you could do with them.” 

While other projects, like New Line’s later Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, would struggle with glitchy animatronics, there were no such problems with the Chiodos’ creations with each running impressively well thanks to a crack team behind the scenes.

“Even though the Critters were fairly simple creatures, there were times for some of those shots, when we had 10 guys running different cables and things to them to get them right,” Harvey recalls. “They had eye movement, mouth movement, lip movement even their little arms and legs move because these things needed to look as believable as possible. But it was still tough to make these things that rolled around something scary and frightening rather than cute and laughable.” 

That was where Billy Zane came in. A good horror villain needs a good victim. Cast in the role of April’s unsuspecting boyfriend Steve Eliot, the then unknown Zane ended up falling afoul of the Critters in arguably the film’s standout gory death after encountering the furry fiends while enjoying a makeout session in the family’s barn. 

“It was the first thing he’d ever done. I think he’d arrived in L.A. a week before,” Harvey says, recalling how uncomfortably hot that barn scene was for everyone involved. “It was 100 degrees in the barn. He had little furry creatures stuck to his stomach and was covered in fake blood. It was so hot and sticky. We stayed there for the whole day, getting all the inserts and various other bits and pieces to make the scene…But that setup in the claustrophobic space of the barn helped to make the scene much scarier because we could set it up in a kind of way that made the punchline, the payoff, much more visceral.” 

The Bounty Hunters

For all the machinations of the Critters themselves, it’s their pursuers from outer space, the two faceless bounty hunters, who almost steal the show.

Especially after one decides to take the form of fictional hair metal superstar Johnny Steele, the singer of “Power of the Night” a song so pitch-perfectly cheesy, you had to wonder if Steele is a real artist rather than musical theater actor Terrence Mann. 

“I went to see Terrence who was appearing in Cats on Broadway. He’d been suggested by a friend and was seriously interested in doing the film,” Harvey says. “We had a friend in New York who was in the music business and had a recording studio. He put together some tracks and we created this imaginary band that he stole the identity of the lead singer from.” 

Despite some striking similarities to artists of the time, Harvey insists Johnny Steele wasn’t set up as a deliberate lampooning of any one artist.

“The band was generically inspired by particular bands of the time,” he says. “There wasn’t any one group or individual. We were post punk and before real heavy metal. There was more of a glam goth influence.” 

Teaming up with Charlie and Brad, the bounty hunters eventually destroy the Critters though it comes at a cost to the Browns, with the family home blown-up in the process. It was a powerful symbol of the way these invaders had shattered their lives but not their spirit. Unfortunately, New Line Cinema didn’t like it as an ending. 

“Bob wanted it changed so that the house was rebuilt in the end but I was against it so we had a few arguments about that, but it was Bob’s money, and we did it and it came out very successfully.” 

Shaye and New Line would occasionally prove tricky customers, with Harvey often forced to traverse the familiar pitfalls of independent filmmaking.

“We were in production and things were really tough and there was one point in time when Bob and I sat down in the trailer and he explained to me some things that I won’t go into,” Harvey says.  “Things were very tricky for a week or two financially, but they sorted themselves out. That was a typical attribute of an independent movie. ‘Oh God you’re spending $150,000 dollars a day, can you spend $100,000?’. Not unheard of but no fun at the time.” 

For all the trials and tribulations of the film, cast, and Critters themselves, however, he has fond memories of working on the film.

“We weren’t stuck in Los Angeles in some smoke-filled space,” he said. “The set was built on Newhall Ranch, this huge bucolic area of land outside of L.A and there we were for five weeks shooting in relatively hot temperatures.” 

Critters Sequels and What’s Next

After a quick turnaround in editing, Critters was released in cinemas, proving to be a hit with over $13 million made at the box office off a budget of $3 million. This kind of success made sequels inevitable.

Though Harvey was unavailable for the second film, he returned for the third and fourth movies, which were filmed back-to-back and released direct to video.

“By then video cassettes were a huge component to New Line’s early success and helped finance the Nightmare on Elm Street and Critters sequels and all of the other movies that they then started making in order to become the powerhouse they became,” Harvey says. “I think it funded something like 40 to 40 to 50 percent of New Line production for that period of time.”

Harvey was initially hesitant to get involved, citing Shaye’s wishes to make the sequels for even less money than the first film. However, he ultimately relented after agreeing to film them back-to-back.

Harvey has mixed feelings about the two sequels, particularly the third movie, which he had conceived as being “much darker and much more violent” than what eventually made it to the screen.

“I wanted to do a George Romero homage for the third film,” he says. “I was very much interested in the claustrophobia of the tenement building in New York City, that kind of atmosphere. Boy, did it ever turn out differently.”

Having also agreed to direct the fourth film, which was set in space and wrap up the franchise, he found himself too busy to oversee work on the third movie.

“It was different. I didn’t have as much to do with Critters 3 because I was directing the fourth film. We were shooting back to back. We had a week down in between the two. All the time we were shooting Critters 3 I was prepping Critters 4.”

While the fourth film featured both a young Angela Bassett and Brad Dourif on top scene-chewing form, the third entry has become among the most noted in the years since thanks to the presence of a young Leonardo DiCaprio in the main role.

“It’s the movie that shall remain nameless on Leo DiCaprio’s resume,” Harvey jokes.

He doesn’t have a lot of memories about DiCaprio on set though there was already a sense he was destined for big things.

“One day he told me he needed some time off. He had to go and audition for this movie. After he came back I asked ‘How did it go?’ and he said ‘Robert De Niro is really great’. he’d been off auditioning for This Boy’s Life…And of course, when he did that movie, it was like, ‘Holy shit. Well, where was that actor when we were making Critters 3?’” 

While Leo is unlikely to return to the Critters franchise anytime soon, Harvey, who had no involvement in a recent TV revival, believes that there is life in the old furballs yet.

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“It’s not a franchise that’s going to go away,” he says cryptically. “Whatever comes next needs to be something that is responsive to contemporary sources. I can’t really say too much about it, because nothing is final. All I can tell you is that I don’t think this is the end.”

The post Critters: The Making of a Comedy Horror Cult Classic appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[stony-ao3-feed]

My Struggle

Read it on AO3

by Cup_of_Tears_JR

The year is 2058, after the Covid-19 apocalypse the Nexus opened, causing a convergence of timelines. Under the assumed name, Franz Jung Kook Ikari ekes out a living as a humble factory worker living in the PanGermanic TransUnion. He worries for his sons, their future and the fate of the universe.

Will Franz be able to stop the coming collapse?

Will Franz’s true identity be revealed?

Words: 161, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, Haikyuu!!, Naruto, Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars - All Media Types, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, Dragon Age - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, DCU (Comics), K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS, One Direction (Band), One Piece, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Original Work, Supernatural, Doctor Who, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, The Witcher (TV), Final Fantasy, Dragon Ball, Hetalia: Axis Powers

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other

Characters: Al Gore, Slash - Character

Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou, Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Kakyoin Noriaki/Kujo Jotaro, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Frodo Baggins/Sam Gamgee, The Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Clark Kent/Lex Luthor, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin, Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Alternate History, Sexual Content, Smut, BDSM, Polyamory, Porn, Slow Build, Gore, Suicide, Sad, Supernatural Elements, LGBTQ Themes, Love, Forced Orgasm, Orgasm, Relationship(s), Past Rape/Non-con, Slice of Life, Mental Health Issues, Abduction, Blood, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alpha/Beta, Threesome - M/M/M, Orgy, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Anal, Anal Plug, Double Anal Penetration, Anal Gaping, Rape, Magic, Science Fiction, Watersports, Knifeplay, Master/Slave, ABDL, Furry, Old Top Gear, Mecha, South America, Xenomorphs (Alien Series), Whipping, Drugs, Sounding, Female circumcisions, Trans Male Character, Slavery, Maturation, Clones, Clone Sex, Post-War, Swordplay, Edgeplay, Guns, Gun Kink, Fire, Skull Fucking, Oral Sex, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Blood Drinking, Blood As Lube, Angel/Demon Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, ugly bastard, ntr, Horse cock, Blue Balls, Outer Space, Space Opera, Space Pirates, Daddy Kink, Mommy Issues, Sugar Daddy, Flashbacks, Flash Forward, handicapped, Amputee, Public Claiming, Hot Sex, Smoking, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Underage Drug Use, Underage Rape/Non-con, Clowns, Blow Jobs, Sad Ending, Fantasy, Inflation, Sonic Screwdriver, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Detroit Red Wings, Necrophilia, Texas War for Independence, Movie: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), Oral Fixation, Oral Knotting, cucumber, Self-Harm, Self-Insert, Self-Hatred, Monsters, Bubble Bath, Hotel Sex, Loss of Parent(s), crab, Crab/Human Hybrids, Male Cinderella, Yandere, Goblins, Alien Sex, Anger Management, Next Generation, Time Travel, Loss of Virginity, Virginity or Celibacy Kink, Shotacon, Lolicon, Russian Roulette, Fruit, Islam, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), Israel, Netorare, Money

Read it on AO3

[ao3feed-jily]

My Struggle

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3byqEMd

by Cup_of_Tears_JR

The year is 2058, after the Covid-19 apocalypse the Nexus opened, causing a convergence of timelines. Under the assumed name, Franz Jung Kook Ikari ekes out a living as a humble factory worker living in the PanGermanic TransUnion. He worries for his sons, their future and the fate of the universe.

Will Franz be able to stop the coming collapse?

Will Franz’s true identity be revealed?

Words: 161, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, Haikyuu!!, Naruto, Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars - All Media Types, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, Dragon Age - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, DCU (Comics), K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS, One Direction (Band), One Piece, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Original Work, Supernatural, Doctor Who, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, The Witcher (TV), Final Fantasy, Dragon Ball, Hetalia: Axis Powers

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other

Characters: Al Gore, Slash - Character

Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou, Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Kakyoin Noriaki/Kujo Jotaro, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Frodo Baggins/Sam Gamgee, The Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Clark Kent/Lex Luthor, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin, Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Alternate History, Sexual Content, Smut, BDSM, Polyamory, Porn, Slow Build, Gore, Suicide, Sad, Supernatural Elements, LGBTQ Themes, Love, Forced Orgasm, Orgasm, Relationship(s), Past Rape/Non-con, Slice of Life, Mental Health Issues, Abduction, Blood, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alpha/Beta, Threesome - M/M/M, Orgy, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Anal, Anal Plug, Double Anal Penetration, Anal Gaping, Rape, Magic, Science Fiction, Watersports, Knifeplay, Master/Slave, ABDL, Furry, Old Top Gear, Mecha, South America, Xenomorphs (Alien Series), Whipping, Drugs, Sounding, Female circumcisions, Trans Male Character, Slavery, Maturation, Clones, Clone Sex, Post-War, Swordplay, Edgeplay, Guns, Gun Kink, Fire, Skull Fucking, Oral Sex, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Blood Drinking, Blood As Lube, Angel/Demon Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, ugly bastard, ntr, Horse cock, Blue Balls, Outer Space, Space Opera, Space Pirates, Daddy Kink, Mommy Issues, Sugar Daddy, Flashbacks, Flash Forward, handicapped, Amputee, Public Claiming, Hot Sex, Smoking, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Underage Drug Use, Underage Rape/Non-con, Clowns, Blow Jobs, Sad Ending, Fantasy, Inflation, Sonic Screwdriver, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Detroit Red Wings, Necrophilia, Texas War for Independence, Movie: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), Oral Fixation, Oral Knotting, cucumber, Self-Harm, Self-Insert, Self-Hatred, Monsters, Bubble Bath, Hotel Sex, Loss of Parent(s), crab, Crab/Human Hybrids, Male Cinderella, Yandere, Goblins, Alien Sex, Anger Management, Next Generation, Time Travel, Loss of Virginity, Virginity or Celibacy Kink, Shotacon, Lolicon, Russian Roulette, Fruit, Islam, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), Israel, Netorare, Money

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3byqEMd

[destressjournal]

DCOM Rankings #91: Girl vs. Monster

So this is definitely the point where I completely checked out of Disney channel for good. I saw no adverts for this, no trailers, no promos, nothing. I have seen a separate review for this movie on caitlovesdisney on YouTube (she goes by a different name now), so that’s how I kinda knew what this movie was about beforehand so I wasn’t too blinded going in. But yeah, I keep saying I’m headed into unknown territory but now this is really it. 2012 i was a junior in high school and 17 years old. I was watching more adult shows at this point.

But let’s talk about this movie. Soooooo it was just straight up meh. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it. There are both good and not so good aspects about this movie, and I already chose a grade for it halfway through my viewing. I gave it a straight C. I will explain why of course, cuz this is what I do. Strange to say I’ve been doing this for almost a year now...wow...

Ummm let’s start with the overall story. What I did like about it was the concept of facing your fears, that it’s something all kids and adults will relate to. Fear is everywhere, and you basically just have to manage it. Fear is actually helpful for avoiding harmful situations like a bear attack, but when it turns to anxiety about smaller stuff like public speaking, that’s when it something you need to get control of. Obviously I think most kids these days don’t deal with bear attacks on a daily basis so I think this lesson is super important, and surprisingly isn’t as explored in other halloween-themed kids movies. So I give this movie a point for that!

I didn’t like the concept of the monsters and that whole lore. The monsters are just vapor in the air? And they just need to be destabilized and put in a containment unit and that’s it? Sorry I personally think that’s dumb. There was this monster hunter show on Nickelodeon that was probably only around for 1-2 seasons but I already know their concept of monsters was much more enjoyable. Or maybe it was aliens. Same difference really. I don’t know, having them be just gaseous beings makes the action wayyyy less action-ny. But I’m sure that was the point because they can’t use guns and spears in DCOMS, and they can’t kill the monsters, so this was probably the best they could do to get around that. Not much wiggle room there.

The characters were okay. The actor who played Skylar definitely knew how to act tough and fearless, but when it came time for her to act scared she just looked like she’s staring at the sun with her mouth open, all squinty like. Besides the acting though, Skylar was probably my favorite character but it isn’t saying a whole lot. Just the dynamic between her old and new personality with fear added in was really cool. The side characters are honestly the same person in two different people, and the rival antagonist was a little bit threatening in the beginning but had to take a backseat for the real monsters the rest of the movie. So like there was almost no point to her being in the movie at all. The love interest was lame and 1 dimensional and just something for people to ship Skylar with. And a possible love triangle drama that never really came to fruition. Cuz like once the action started its was all about the monsters and nothing else.

The villain was also okay, I mean she was your typical mustache twisty villain, not really sure what her actual plan was, to scare Skylar to death? I honestly don’t know. But the monsters get their power from fear and they weaken when up against stronger people. I do also like that concept about the monsters because it’s just like real life. Things that scare you have more power over you, but when you’re not as scared, you’re more in control. And that you can’t get rid of fear completely so the monsters will always be around. It’s just a matter of containing them. From THAT standpoint I can see why they can’t be killed. Still, the action sucks and I’m not gonna lie about that.

Skylar’s parents and the assistant were also fine. Nothing to complain about or boast about. The assistant is pretty much comic relief and the parents are the heros that get trapped so Skylar can save the day. That’s pretty much it. The practical/digital effects were passable, like the portable radar and the machinery in the lab. I think most of the budget went into the monsters themselves, and they didn’t look too bad for a TV movie.

Then here’s the cringey part of the DCOM, the fact that they tried to put as many songs as they possibly could with a story like this. Literally a song started playing within the first 5 minutes of the movie. Classic 2010’s Disney Channel. Everything’s a musical. I also find it funny that in the middle of the movie Skylar tries to sing one of the songs with the love interest’s band, and Skylar runs out of the room and the other girl (the third party in this “love triangle”) got up to sing in her place, and the boy looks like he’s in pain as he’s playing the guitar but he’s still playing he never stopped cuz the song is more important than the girl he actually likes. Doesn’t even question further why she has her neck brace off and how she could sing, just goes along with it. Then they have a dance party literally in the middle of the cemetery....whyyyyyy. Cemeteries are respected places, don’t teach kids that they’re a fricken halloween decoration.

I will admit that despite the awkward song placement in every single scene where there was a song, the songs themselves were not too bad. They did get stuck in my head after a while. It’s that bright bubble gum pop that graced Disney channel last decade. And I honestly don’t mind it. Still wouldn’t listen to these every day. I have a playlist of Disney channel songs that only go up to around 2011 and that’s it. I’m happy with that.

As far as the scare factor goes, I can totally see how this can be a freaky to little kids. Cuz of the floating heads that come at them on the screen. Like I was scared of the floating thanos head in twitches when I was a kid, and I was an older kid, like 10. Not that I was scared of anything now, but I think it would still be a neat idea to rank all the Halloween DCOM’s on their scare factor. DLUTB would be at the top, that’s for sure!

I’m honestly not sure what else to talk about. I feel like I’ve exhausted every avenue. So might as well give it my official grade. Just a plain C, like I mentioned earlier. This movie has slightly more going against it than for it, but I can’t possibly give this a D, plus I know I might rewatch it for a possible Halloween DCOM marathon.

The next movie was Disney channel’s next big musical hit after HSM and camp rock. But obviously I’ve never seen it. So this should be fun! Woooo!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 15/05/2021 (Coldplay, J. Cole, Trippie Redd & Playboi Carti)

I’m awful at predicting this chart, I really am, but most of that is probably down to how I only make vague predictions at the end of each episode without even considering most releases that’ll actually chart. Let’s just say I didn’t expect nine new arrivals this week. At the top, however, little has changed as the absolutely huge “Body” by Russ Millions and Tion Wayne with a remix featuring whoever the hell is spending its second week at #1. The rest of the chart, however, gets a bit more interesting. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

The biggest story to effect the chart this week is of course 2021’s BRIT Awards happening this Tuesday, which I’m sure boosted a lot of songs during the mid-week. I also actually covered the awards show on that day if you’re curious, with some of my observations, predictions and opinions. We can very clear see – or hear, for that matter – the impact of the BRIT Awards in this week’s chart, as it did cause a lot of gains and new arrivals that shook up the chart right in the middle of the tracking week. Firstly, we do have some drop-outs from the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, only one of them, “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy, being all that important given it was a top five hit but we do have a handful that lasted five or more weeks or peaked in the top 40, like “Medicine” by James Arthur flopping embarrassingly, “Addicted” by Jorja Smith dropping out to prepare for the rebound next week given her album release and “Solid” by Young Stoner Life, Young Thug and Gunna featuring Drake.

Speaking of Drake, he also provides the singular returning entry as “Wants and Needs” featuring Lil Baby is proving to be the actual hit from that three-pack from March, coming back to #65. Scaling down the chart, we also have some notable losses, songs that dropped at least five spots on this week’s chart. Those that fell include “Your Power” by Billie Eilish dropping harshly to #15 off of the debut, as well as “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S at #18, “Confetti” by Little Mix to #21 off of the return (with Saweetie, the artist quite literally solely the reason it’s had this second wind, still bizarrely left without a credit by the UK Singles Chart), “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max at #27, “Titanium” by Dave at #31, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted (yes, THEY’RE credited) at #36, “Patience” by KSI featuring YUNGBLUD and Polo G at #42, “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon at #44, “We’re Good” by Dua Lipa at #47, “Way Too Long” by Nathan Dawe, Anne-Marie and MoStack at #49, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #51, “Beautiful Mistakes” by Maroon 5 and Megan Thee Stallion at #55, “Don’t Play” by Anne-Marie, KSI and Digital Farm Animals at #56, “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK at #59, “Commitment Issues” by Central Cee at #67, “You” by Regard, Troye Sivan and Tate McRae at #69, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #70, “Hold On” by Justin Bieber getting ACR’d at #71, “Streets” by Doja Cat at #73 and finally, “6 for 6” by Central Cee at #75.

Filling up the room for those losses, however, are the gains, always a tad more interesting, as the songs that rose at least five spots on this week’s chart – or make their first appearance in the top 40, 20 or 10 – are usually having the BRITs to thank to some capacity. The climbers include “Summer 91 (Looking Back)” giving Noizu his first top 40 hit at #31 (and I’ll admit, the song is growing on me), Griff also getting her first with “Black Hole” at #35 thanks to her win and performance at the BRITs, “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI rebounding to #13 thanks to that once-again uncredited remix with Miley Cyrus and finally, entering the top 10 for the first time is “Anywhere Away from Here” by Rag’n’Bone Man and P!nk at #9, getting the boost from a perfect trifecta of gains: Rag’n’Bone Man released his album on Friday then on Tuesday had the closing performance of this song at the BRIT Awards with additional vocals from the Lewisham and Greenwich NHS choir, who are also now appearing on a new release of the song the day after, prompting a whole lot of sales, of which I assume and hope are going to charity. It’s Rag’n’Bone Man’s third top 10 hit, P!nk’s 21st(!) and interestingly enough, the NHS choir’s second top 10 hit as they had the Christmas #1 back in 2015. With all of that out of the way, I suppose it’s time to get to our varied array of new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#74 – “Dick” – Starboi3 featuring Doja Cat

Produced by Nius and SoFLY

This week is kind of a weird week if that wasn’t immediately obvious as our new arrivals are kind of all over the place, starting with... well, I think I could say less about the song than the title does. Starboi3 is this SoundCloud rapper from New Jersey who made a song with Doja back in 2019 – I assume she was more accessible for features back then –and it didn’t blow up at all, really, giving Starboi3 some additional traction but not until 2020, in which Doja Cat got her #1 hit and TikTok picked up this explicit single as a new sound. Sadly – or thankfully – the song was never released officially onto streaming until very recently, meaning, surely, the hype’s over by now? The answer to that is no, as it’s climbing up charts in both the UK and the Bubbling Under in the US... so there’s got to be something good about this song, right? Well, no. Not at all. Of course, that is subjective, but I do question your sanity if you’re honestly enjoying this unlikeable nobody shout “Dick!” over a basic, no-melody trap instrumental with heavy 808s not too dissimilar to drill, before going into a beyond basic chorus and verse about, well, you can guess, with rhymes sounding either like an awful freestyle or a kid with a rhyming dictionary. “She not with him tonight, she not with Jim tonight”? Of course, that’s in the post-chorus because if there’s one thing this song needs, it’s a freaking post-chorus. I also don’t think Starboi3 realises that making her scream for her parents is quite the opposite of sexy – or even raunchy and mindless, as it’s actually just creepy and terrifying. Speaking of terrifying, Doja Cat is here and not even she can add a less basic flow with a verse that just ends up going in one ear and out the other, even if I do like the seductive backing vocals that at least try to make this not a slow, joyless slog. However, I do NOT like the Pickle Rick reference. To be fair, this was 2019, but also to be fair, never reference that again, I am begging you. This is a disaster on all fronts and probably one of the worst tracks I’ve had to review in this series. Good start!

#64 – “Freaks” – Surf Curse

Produced by Surf Curse

This new song is actually even older, being released initially as a deep cut from this Nevada duo’s 2013 album. As you’ll probably tell, this is charting off of people streaming after hearing the song on TikTok and, I mean, at least the song’s actually good this time, careening off of a clearly surf-inspired clean riff surrounded by some basic drumming and a good bassline. It’s not great as it does feel increasingly basic as I said, almost like one of those local bands that don’t get much national attention or traction but do play some gigs and get some love at those places, to the point where it’s kind of big if they play shows outside of their region... which makes sense because that is exactly what they are. This is just some band from Reno but here it is charting on the UK Singles Chart and while it’s here, I should say whilst there’s not much here to discuss given how minimal it is, Nick Rattigan’s vocals are fittingly desperate for the theme of social alienation and particularly rejection as it’s pretty obvious he’s aiming venom at himself for a bad break-up, although given the sound and tone of the song, probably his first, with that double meaning of the mantra in the outro, “I won’t wake up this time”, potentially being a crushing line for someone in similar circumstances. That’s not me, exactly, so this doesn’t hit, but I’m glad that Machine Gun Kelly song from last week got replaced with some actually decent alternative rock on the chart. I hope this does well.

#60 – “One Day” – Lovejoy

Produced by Cameron Nesbitt

“One Day” is the biggest track from new English rock band Lovejoy’s debut EP, Are You Alright?, and whilst I was planning on not mentioning the fact that the band is fronted by Minecraft YouTuber Wilbur Soot, that is the only reason it’s charting – and he’s charted with “Your New Boyfriend” a couple months back, a song that I actually kind of liked. It’s also immediately obvious in the writing that this comes from an Internet personality, with some not-so-well-woven detail and increasingly gratuitous self-awareness that eventually cycles back and ends up as seeming like they have none at all... okay, like most indie bands but that’s beside the point. This happens to be Wilbur’s least favourite song on the release – one that I haven’t listened to because even if I’m not too old for mindless pop music, Minecraft YouTuber alt-rock may be where I draw the line – and I can completely understand the distaste for this given that it starts with the line, “Why’d you have to kill my cat?” I also have some qualms with the song sonically as it may be the most derivative rock single I’ve heard on this series, given how obviously it rips from indie rock bands of the 2000s, with an oddly clean mix that doesn’t exactly fit the obvious stream-of-consciousness lyrics and Wilbur’s erratic delivery. Also, there’s a whole lot of trumpet on this song, which I guess is a surprise, but that doesn’t make up for a drummer who can clearly play very well but has to chaotically play over a song with practically no groove. I do like that second chorus in how it builds up to a somewhat anti-climactic guitar solo but as a full song I do not really get the appeal of this that I don’t get out of other post-punk revival bands from decades back who are still pumping out music. This isn’t bad – I swear, don’t dox me – but I just want something more compelling from this. I will always be glad regardless of the quality that we have more rock on the chart, though, even if this’ll be gone by next week.

#57 – “It’s a sin” – Years & Years and Elton John

Produced by Stuart Price and the Pet Shop Boys

One of my favourite performance from the BRIT Awards this year was Olly Alexander of Years & Years sharing the stage with the iconic Elton John to cover Pet Shop Boys’ “It’s a Sin” which had renewed interest from last year as it was the namesake for a hit TV series about HIV/AIDS, for which this fittingly played a role and has kind of been recontextualised as a gay anthem, which makes complete sense if you look at its lyrics about the Church telling Neil Tennant “how to be”. It’s also one of the Pet Shop Boys’ most camp and theatrical songs, so giving it to Years & Years and Elton John to cover for the BRIT Awards make all too much sense. No, they’re not able to live up to the theatricality of the original, especially if Alexander’s vocals are going to be this clearly manipulated at points, but with Elton John’s piano laying a perfect foundation for the rising intensity of the track, we do get a sense of that original melodrama, with the synth-work and house groove coming in before Elton John’s voice, sounding smokier and wiser with age, and in my opinion, more compelling as a vocalist, especially if they’re both going to sell this song with the most convicted of deliveries. I don’t think a cover could ever live up to that original iconic track but if anyone’s going to get close, it’s Elton John. Expect this to rise next week.

#50 – “Never Left” – Lil Tecca

Produced by ThankYouWill, Taz Taylor and Cxdy

I’ll always be annoyed that Lil Tecca blew up as a rapper instead of a producer, as I don’t think this guy has any likeability or charisma about his flow, cadence or delivery, and that’s only after you get over how dry and whiny his voice can get. However, he can make some great and incredibly infectious beats for other rappers, including a song I see becoming a hit soon in SoFaygo’s “Knock Knock”, which I will bet on at least making the Billboard Hot 100 if not the UK Singles Chart. It’s unbelievably catchy. With that said, Tecca is here in the form of some SoundCloud raps over a boring synth pluck and vaguely tropical Internet Money trap beat, sounding and flowing way too much like Gunna for his own benefit, or Gunna’s benefit, if we’re honest, as this shows how easily he can be replaced. I usually don’t write off this type of rap and will absolutely defend it, but this song isn’t even catchy or unique. I mean, I don’t like “Ransom” either but at least it was kind of fun and I still know the lines in the chorus a couple years later. I’ll forget all about this by next week if it doesn’t stick around. At least he shouts out Chief Keef. God, I hope he charts sometime, that’d be funny.

#45 – “All I Know So Far” – P!nk

Produced by Greg Kurstin

So, P!nk is back but not with a studio album, rather an upcoming live album in which the two new, original songs are about or featuring her daughter. This is the second single from said album and is probably coasting off her appearance at the BRITs in terms of a relatively high chart debut. I’ve never been that big a fan of P!nk but she has her classics, none of which are in the past 15 years but that’s beside the point. This single in particular is an acoustic ballad dedicated to her daughter in which P!nk provides a rapid intensity alongside pretty great-sounding acoustic guitars, pounding drums and strings that sells the content about empowering yourself, with some nice lyrical detail about always being yourself, basically, which would come off as cliché and preachy if it weren’t for some oddly specific lyrics in those verses and the chorus that basically just tell her daughter that despite the fact the world will constantly try to crack down on her and everything she does much like life does to anyone but especially women, she should stand up for herself and what she believes in. However, none of that cuts deep when she’s being raised by a millionaire, huh? There’s little Hell to be put through when you’re born with a silver spoon, huh, Willow? Regardless, this isn’t a bad pop song and its content isn’t as misguided as it is just sang by the wrong singer, although I’d find it hard to get a singer with as much rasp and wisdom in the mainstream to sell this as convincingly as P!nk does – vocally, not lyrically. This is a couple steps above that last single, “Cover Me in Sunshine” at least, which was just insidious. Next.

#32 – “Miss the Rage” – Trippie Redd featuring Playboi Carti

Produced by Loesoe

Okay, so all of our last three new arrivals are in the top 40 and we start with... o-okay, well, it’s 2021, anything can and will chart and I should know this by now, but it’s still surprising to see a song by these two guys debut so high, especially since Whole Lotta Red produced absolutely no charting hits in the UK outside of “@ MEH”, which doesn’t really count. This is Trippie’s highest-charting song ever in the UK that isn’t fronted by KSI, so I guess streaming must have been that good – also, the charts are still weak. For what it’s worth, I do like both Trippie and Carti to their respective extents, and I am aware that this is only as big as it was because of the hype from the leak, which also featured Mario Judah, and that in itself was a big song but it took years for Carti’s feature to be cleared by the label, as is infamously true for much of Carti’s work and even his last official collaboration with Trippie that was actually deleted after release. I’m still hoping on an official release for his verse on Yung Lean’s “Yayo”, but whilst we have this instead, I might as well talk about it and... Well, let me explain to you what I see as the appeal of these two rappers. That appeal is, mostly, that they don’t rap even though they both very much can. Trippie yells, moans, growls, screams and spends most of his work singing in his typical raspy, venomous voice, whilst Playboi Cart spits and coughs his way through substance-less ad-libs to the point where any actual wordplay or lyrical detail gets you excited for that brief moment. In this song, Trippie and Carti don’t eschew the typical role of a rapper and both just... rap normally, which would not be a complaint if they weren’t so bland in that role, which is the whole point of their unique, phlegm-filled deliveries in the first place. As a result, this song just ends up feeling empty, even if this awfully-mixed, bass-boosted beat with some lovely distorted video-game synths and hardly audible trap skitters does go incredibly hard. Don’t get me wrong: this is still catchy and Trippie flows very well over a beat that sounds made for him and Carti. Hell, Carti has grown on me so much recently that my fondness for this might just be me eating anything he releases up. With that said, he’s the worst part of the song as his baby-voice style emphasises how lacking this song is in just anything. I do like the wordplay at the tail-end of the verse as, yes, that happens, perhaps not as iconic as some of his other oddly profound or clever lines on his last record but at least it’s something. At least this is some interesting American trap, unlike...

#25 – “i n t e r l u d e” – J. Cole

Produced by J. Cole, Tommy Parker and T-Minus

The pandemic has affected the music industry to the point where big-name rappers release album interludes as lead singles. Said album has songs shorter than this interlude, with most of its dull filler feeling like additional interludes, quite unbefitting for such a big and hyped-up album from Cole which frankly is just another boring addition to an already consistently dull catalogue. I’m just not interested in what Cole has to say because he’s never been likeable and I feel like there’s better rappers that bridge the gap between old and new like how Cole sees himself as doing, the “MIDDLE CHILD”, perhaps, like, you know, Drake? If we want to go for a more direct comparison from lesser-known rappers, the direct comparison I use for this new record is Aminé’s latest, also made up of a variation of trap bangers featuring massive, charting names versus introspective, conscious lyrics, yet Aminé is an interesting character with quotable lyrics that aren’t embarrassing, knows how to write an actual hook and whilst he also brings on both classic and modern features, he’s never out-done by them, creating an actual bridge rather than just some guy who thinks he can write his own role in the industry and culture without his own music backing his case. Unfortunately for me, it works – every freaking time – largely because of his continually loyal fanbase but also a general public interest in the guy that I do not understand, especially when more than a decade into his career, he’s still pushing out mediocre projects. He cuts his album’s length by a ton and still ends up with a bloated record. I barely need to talk about the track itself, right? Even if it has as much structure and effort put into it as his normal songs do, it’s labelled quite literally as an interlude. Sigh, well, in this interlude, Jermaine raps over a drowned-out soul sample and admittedly, sticks to the topic of reminiscing on where he came from, the violence in Fayetteville, a similar violence of which was what killed Nipsey Hussle, who he compares amongst Pimp C and Jesus as they all died at 33. Cole himself is 36 so I guess for once he doesn’t think he’s Jesus. It took him a while to realise.

#12 – “Higher Power” – Coldplay

Produced by Max Martin, Oscar Holter and Bill Rahko

I assumed this would debut at #3 until the BRIT Awards performance gave it a boost to debut at the top but I guess everyone else had the same opinion of that awful opening performance as I did, because here it is at #12. Well, that doesn’t matter, right? Coldplay’s last album similarly underperformed... but at least that time, they had a genuinely ambitious album for once in their careers with some genuine experimentation and themes I did not expect to come out of Coldplay. It was a better album but not an accessible one, with its only pop single being a bittersweet anti-war anthem which trivialises bombing in the Middle East to onomatopoeia. It’s a great song but it wasn’t going anywhere, so it’s no surprise that their next lead single is a soulless synth-pop track produced by Max Martin. Admittedly, the synth tone in the intro is kind of unique in all its nasal 80s nostalgia, but, man, I thought we moved past just rehashing for a hit, Coldplay. This is pretty obviously just a crap attempt at being “Blinding Lights” which trades in its machine-gun loco-motive drum pattern for one that is a lot more stiff, and its iconic, memorable lyrics for a forgettable set of love-struck laziness. Oh, yeah, and Chris Martin is far from the Weeknd both in the studio and live at the BRIT Awards – seriously, dude sounded half-alive. This isn’t offensive, just a bore that is clearly a desperate label move ready for when they can tour again, and if their last record proved anything it was that Coldplay seemed like they were finally above that.

Conclusion

Well, that’s our week – again, a questionable one at best and kind of a bad one at worst. Either way, this is a strange array of songs and I do like how the UK Singles Chart subverts everything you’d expect of it so often that chaos becomes the trend, even if not all of it is any good. I guess Best of the Week goes to “Freaks” by Surf Curse, with an Honourable Mention to Elton John’s cover of “It’s a sin” with Years & Years. Surprisingly enough, J. Cole actually doesn’t get Worst of the Week as the album gets a lot worse than that interlude, so he gets a Dishonourable Mention alongside Starboi3’s “Dick” being crowned Worst of the Week, and honestly probably Worst of the Year so far, not that I’m keeping track of that. Here’s this week’s top 10:

What’s coming next week? More J. Cole, Olivia Rodrigo’s newest single and probably – and hopefully – some album tracks from Jorja Smith and Nicki Minaj. For now, though, thanks for reading. It’s a big week next week, and I’ll see you then!