#an asthma attack is basically just distracting

[sandymybeloved]

i always forget how horrible asthma attacks are until I'm having one

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Watched LSRF's documentary and I guess I have some thoughts and a headache I need to distract myself from.

Overall, the doc was nothing special. Episode 1 was ridiculous. They filmed LSRF like they were the Beatles - incredibly dramatic music and a classic, heavy documentary style for a two! year old group. Thankfully, they toned it down a lot for the other episodes. I thought the last episode would never end... It stopped being interesting after Kkura's amazing and relatable reflection about happiness. After a lot of tears, they tried to make the last episode more about their bond and great story, but it was boring. This "review" has no structure, so bear with me. Episode 2 was about Eunchae, Kazuha, and Yunjin, while episode 3 was about Sakura and Chaewon - except they spent 20 minutes on Sakura and 5 minutes on Chaewon... as if there was nothing worth showing about Chaewon since she isn't regularly criticized for anything. She had a bigger spotlight in episode 4 due to her small break from activities, which caused by something she couldn't control - a flu. Clearly if no one is crying or feeling unwell, why have them on screen?

The biggest goal of this doc was to make LSRF look sympathetic and show how much they suffer and how hard they work. It's what you see in every idol documentary, so there's nothing outstanding about it - no offense. What was very noticeable to me was that in the first LSRF doc their staff looked like assholes, while in this one they were endlessly understanding and encouraging. Obviously, this is also a publicity stunt for Source Music. While the doc made a good job of showing the highs and lows of the girls lives, it was often less about showing their true selves and more about addressing every single critique they get.

Watching all 5 parts, I don't understand why stans were so shocked on Reddit. Compassionate? Yes. Shocked? No. Anxiety, frustration, exhaustion, fame/a dream not living up to expectations, etc. are all famous people 101. It's always the same regardless if they're Western stars, idols, or athletes. Many aspects of these people's lives are crap, due to pressure, lack of privacy, lack of time for themselves, facing public judgment, expectations vs. reality, bad contracts, competitive and perfectionist personalities, etc. But the doc didn't show anything you couldn't have seen in a random Netflix special. Also, not being happy or knowing what happiness is is pretty common at their age.

I'm not saying this to be unsympathetic or because I didn't feel for them, but I don't care about them enough to cry about it, and kpop stans need a reality check. This doc didn't really show the dark side of kpop, as much as the dark side of fame and success.

I was a bit shocked by how often Sakura broke down in tears though. She's very insecure and unhappy with her performance. She's also a perfectionist. Eunchae was the same, but she's too young to be in this industry. Her panic attack was the most concerning incident, but the dance teacher said it sometimes happened when she struggled for breath? Does she suffer from panic attacks or asthma? I don't understand if she actually panicked or just had shortness of breath.

Most of my thoughts while watching the documentary were about how stupid Source Music is as well as the industry in general. It's all terrible inefficient. Working hard isn't enough to get good results. They debuted a minor Eunchae who can't sing well, struggles with confidence, and looks scared or empty on stage most of the time. They debuted Sakura who can't sing and doesn't seem to ever have learned the basics. They debuted Kazuha who barely had time to learn to dance or sing... If they can't do the basics, it doesn't matter how much they practice, especially when they are fatigued and have no time to focus on honing their skills. Kazuha improved a lot, but Sakura and Eunchae haven't as much. They also have to pull off these tiring choreos and practice all day but it doesn't help that they seem to be too weak. If the company insisted on them working out and bulking up a bit, surely their moves would have more power and their endurance would improve? But maybe they would be "less attractive". And why waste time and tire the girls out shooting Easy for VEVO 8 times when the differences between takes were probably minimal?? I never saw the members happy about dancing and performing. It was all about perfection and reaching greater heights, but where was the drive to make music, dance, and perform? I didn't see a lot if it - only some excitement for the tour (and Yunjin who loves writing music). It kind of reminds me of BTS, who genuinely love performing and music, but at some point the pressure took some of the fun out it. I'm not sure LSFR love performing as much, which makes happiness harder for them. No wonder they have to work so much on their facial expressions. Every idol does, but when you really love performing it's a lot more natural. Kpop is just stupid. You can fake less than stellar singing in the studio and less than stellar dancing in MVs, but when idols are performing live, you can't fake anything. Most of them have 0 stage presence, poor singing skills, and so-so dancing. Why give idols choreos where all they do is jump around and there's no room for the idols to sing and the fans to appreciate the choreo? I was watching EN's new MV and the choreo practice and performance videos, and I can't remember a second of it. Most of their choreos are them jumping around like mad men in a rotating move while making sexy facial expressions (except in the cute choreos where they make cute facial expressions). None of it is memorable, appealing, genuine, unique, or interesting to watch. If companies were smarter, they'd give groups dynamic choreos, with hard-hitting moves as well as softer ones, with moments for idols to sing and engage the audience, and they would let the idols show individuality instead of perfect, boring synchronization. They would also invest more in talent and training. This is why there is no next BTS, and why SKZ and Ateez are the most popular and impactful boy groups right now. I don't get why companies don't get this. But it's easy for me to say, obviously.

This is just a rant. Thanks if you read all of it.

[mal-urameshi]

Can I request a fic about Mama Okoye giving Riri advice after an argument with Shuri?

Chronicles Of Mama Okoye and Riri! X

Turbulence

Riri's jaw was tensely set as she bounced her leg with folded arms. A TV show was running in the background but she wasn't paying attention. She'd long since given up on trying to distract herself and decided to stew in her irritation instead.

Riri huffed for what she believed to be the millionth time that day before she decided to go seek out her mother. That wasn't a particularly hard task because Okoye was relaxing on the back porch, doing her evening stretches.

Okoye looked up from her place on the floor at Riri's grim expression, "Are you finally ready to talk?" Okoye noted Riri's foul mood all day, but left her be until she was ready to talk. That was the best course of action when it came to her daughter. She would explode eventually.

Riri paced in front of her mother, "It's Shuri. She's pissing me the fuck off."

"Language." Okoye warned as she stretched her hamstrings.

"Shit, sorry Ma. " Riri winced, "Sorry."

Okoye didn't answer, leaving the floor for Riri to continue.

"Shuri made a comment about one of my calculations being off. And I told her that her eyes were f- messed up because I knew that. Then she went ahead and adjusted my equations without my consent. Like who the fu- heck does that?"

Okoye shifted into chest-to-knee stretching as Riri flexed her fists at the air, "I told her that she was wack for that and then she was all like, 'You usually are better at your work than this. You've gotten sloppy. Or is the better word, complacent?'"

Riri made a face and rolled her eyes, "She basically insulted my intelligence! Me? Sloppy? Complacent?"

She huffed and paced again, "So I ended up nitpicking every little thing she was doing. Like, she could be more thorough with the way she handles her experiments. Cuz like, the tridimensional calibration of the harmonic flux modulator is of utmost importance for achieving optimal transpositional harmonization within the intricately interwoven oscillation matrix." Riri stomped around the porch as she spoke a mile a minute.

"But nooooo she was all like: 'I must diligently synchronize the quantum phase differentials of the entangled electromagnetic resonators to ensure an efficacious deployment of the quantum hyperconductive interface.' Which makes no sense by the way. She's so ass backwards sometimes, man."

RIri sucked her teeth and plopped herself down on the hammock, "I dunno what happened after that; we are literally at each other's throats every time we see each other. There's like...this invisible line between us that we dare not cross. I don't want her checking my stuff out and I don't look at hers."

Riri slouched into her seat as she scowled, "And now, we're ignoring each other." Riri's lips quivered, "When I went over earlier she didn't even look at me and I...I guess it was maybe because I was giving her the cold shoulder." She wiped her eye of a stray tear.

"She tried calling me maybe an hour ago but I ignored it." Riri sniffled.

Okoye got up from the floor and joined Riri on the hammock. Riri wasted no time in leaning heavily into her mother's side as she wiped away a few more stray tears. Okoye wrapped an arm around her distressed child and pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

"And I don't like that I'm ignoring her, but she just pissed me off so bad. But it hurts, you know? Especially when she wouldn't acknowledge my presence or even give me a glance?" Riri tried to keep herself under control, not wanting to give herself an asthma attack.

Okoye pulled Riri closer, "You know that two wrongs don't make a right, Riri."

"Only in algebra." Riri tried to joke, but she couldn't find it within herself to laugh.

"So this all started with the comment Shuri made about your calculations?"

Riri silently nodded into her mother's neck.

"And I can imagine how wounded you felt since you admire Shuri so much." Okoye continued calmly.

Yea, her mother was right. In the moment it had stung when Shuri had called her work sloppy. Usually she was met with praise and Riri basked in the commendation, but what Shuri had said had her completely off kilter.

"And even though Shuri is a perfectionist...what's the saying? 'It is not what you say, it is how you say it.' She could have had a better approach with her criticisms. Especially when it came to adjusting your calculations without your approval."

Riri wiped her eyes as she listened to her mother.

"And speaking of criticism, it is not bad when you are critiqued, Riri. You and Shuri are both exceptional in your field and I know you are used to being right a lot of the time, but there are instances when you will make mistakes. It is only natural as you are human." She tapped the side of Riri's head, "That brain in there may work like a computer, but remember, you're not immune to error at times."

Riri wrapped her arms around Okoye as she kept quiet. She wanted to open her mouth with a rebuttal, but she decided to listen to her Mama as she talked.

"Now, instead of giving each other the cold shoulder, you should be more communicative with one another. You've known each other how long now? It should be natural." Okoye rubbed Riri's arm affectionately.

"I know how things can get in the heat of the moment, but instead of being petty." She gave Riri a playful side eye, "You should tell her how she made you feel when she made that initial comment. Tell her how it wounded you."

Riri took a shaky breath, "I can do that."

"Trying to 'get back' at her for what she said shouldn't be the way to handle squabbles. That should never be even be a thought. Because look at where that has you."

Riri cast her eyes downward as she played with her hands.

"I think you both should exercise communication. Because what if one day you both decide to give one another the silent treatment and end up never speaking again?"

Riri swallowed at the thought, "I don't want that to happen. I care about her too much, Mama"

"Then you both should act accordingly." She gently raised Riri's chin, "You should be able to tell her how you feel about certain things and the same should be for her when it comes to you."

Riri felt her heart quicken with nervousness, "But I ignored her call. What if she doesn't want to answer me, Mama? What if she doesn't want me around anymore. Oh Bast. What if she hates me now!" She smoothed a weary hand over her cornrows.

Okoye rubbed RIri's neck, "Relax, my love. Deep breaths." She demonstrated and gestured Riri to follow.

Riri allowed her chest to rise and fall a few more times until she calmed down again, "Okay, okay. I think I'm good."

Okoye smiled, "Do you think you can call her now to try to make amends? You know that Shuri could never hate you. She adores you too much."

Riri knew her mother was right. She let her nerves get to her sometimes.

"Thank you, Mama. You always keep me sane."

Okoye wrapped her daughter in a hug, "Anytime, my darling."

Taggies: @somethingcleaverandwhitty @karimwillia @neptoons1998 @pantherheart

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

My anxiety, courtesy of the nearby wildfires and incoming thunderstorms (it's dry season and will come with no rain, just fire), finances, and chronic pain, is through the fucking roof. Please help distract me. I'm this close 👌🏻 to tears.

For the unaware: I lost my home to fire in 2017. Not a total loss, but no longer inhabitable, lost most of my teacup/mug collection, most of the kitchen, the entire porch and vast majority of my wind chime collection, and we had to live in a hotel for a month. Wildfires were raging in the area and choked the air with smoke. I'm no longer able to sleep in hotels because all I smell is wildfire smoke, whether it's there or not. That housefire was the third I have experienced in my life. It took years for me to work up the courage to so much as light a candle again. My barely there asthma became severe due to inhaling so much of the housefire smoke. We moved to the west side of the Cascades in 2020, and shortly thereafter the Holiday Farm Fire arrived (look it up and see how bad it was). We lived about a mile from the roadblock and sat at level 2 evacuation, which basically means pack up and be ready to haul ass.

Fire season is extremely difficult for me.

I'm gonna have an edible. Right now, I'm wrestling a panic attack. It has been five years since my last panic attack, and it would be nice to not have one. Ever. Again.

Send me asks. Please. I need distractions. Gonna pop in a Guy Ritchie film. His stuff has never disappointed me.

[donnerpartyofone]

After a decade of living by the same station I still can't catch any train on time. I just can't do it. Any time I have to be somewhere on time, I start checking the route at least the day before if not earlier. I compulsively check it, and look out for delays/construction, as I get closer to the departure time. I make a detailed calendar alert for myself, and I set an alarm for about half hour before I need to leave, building in an extra ~10 minutes to leave "early" because I know Google Maps is giving me an "as the crow flies" travel time and not factoring in the 3 flights I need to climb to get to the platform. I watch the clock obsessively as I get ready to walk out the door at the time I have decided that this needs to happen. I care deeply about being on time, not inconveniencing others, and just being able to perform simple everyday tasks correctly. And yet, I don't think I have ever succeed at getting the train I planned on taking. I get to the platform, check the time and/or a live MTA app, find that it's confusingly long past the departure of the train I wanted to catch (which was definitely on time), and now I just have to sit around feeling bad until something else happens. I can't even tell where I went wrong. It's not like I slept through my alarm, or got distracted (that I can remember), or just decided to wing it. It's like, either I still don't know how long it takes to walk four blocks to the station, or I still don't know how long it takes to get through the station, or possibly I do get distracted, every single time, and I have no awareness of how or at what point it is happening, and I just have missing time like a UFO abductee. But every single time I have to go to an appointment I wind up RUNNING to it while calling reception to try to make them understand that I'm still on my way through a mild asthma attack. I hate the rudeness of being late, but not as much as I hate the fact that I can't accomplish basic goals that I set for myself, where I've been provided with directions, a time table, and my own 10 years of experience performing the task the same way in the same location, often on a daily basis. I can't even identify the problem and fix it. I'm trying as hard as I can to do it right. I just CAN'T. I'm just a Can't type of person. My greatest effort will never be enough. I would love to just take the hint and stop trying, but it's against the law to do that. If I can never improve at this, then my next wish is just that I weren't so fucking surprised by failing every time. It's a wonder I don't drown in the rain.

[beth--b]

calm throughout his melodrama

this is a follow up to my fic 'rest my head against your shoulder' which is on ao3 here

It had been a week since Geralt got home from his hunt and Jaskier had taken an impromptu visit to the hospital. 

Jaskier loved Geralt, he truly did. 

He loved Geralt doting on him, loved spending time with him. 

What he did not love however was the part where Geralt was treating him as though he might break.

It has been a week, he still wasn’t completely well, he could admit to that easily enough. It wasn’t normal for him to be ready to fall asleep by 8pm and out of breath just from walking from one end of their house to the other. He knew all of this, and could understand that Geralt went on a hunt and came back to find Jaskier ill enough that he had needed a hospital visit. But he also really wanted Geralt to treat him like he normally would. 

The entire week Geralt had been the model boyfriend. If Jaskier wanted a cup of tea to soothe his sore throat, Geralt already had the kettle on and ready. If Jaskier needed a nap, Geralt would have his favourite blanket ready for him on the couch if he was too tired to go to the bedroom. 

Jaskier knew Geralt loved him, but he was never normally so…attentive. 

He was a terrible person. That was all there was for it. Why else would be wishing that Geralt would snark at him over his choice in television show, or insult him about something ridiculous, though it was always said in a way that Jaskier knew Geralt meant no true harm. 

In truth Jaskier was bored.

read it on ao3 here

He had never been more grateful when Geralt had to go out to answer a call. It was local, so despite his protests that Eskel or Lambert could handle it Jaskier had just about kicked him out of the house to take the job.

The only problem with Geralt being out was that now he was both bored and alone. He had thought he wanted to be alone, at least until he actually was.

"Alright Jaskier, you wanted this, now you just need to make yourself enjoy it."

He decided that after a week of feeling like crap that a nice, long, steamy shower was in order as his first step. Then he would hopefully be feeling well enough to play his guitar, maybe do a little

composing. Geralt had made him spend the week without his guitar, lest he overdo it and have another asthma attack.

He took his time in the shower, letting the steam help clear his airways. After a good twenty minutes he reluctantly shut the water off and got out of the shower.  He dried off and pulled on a clean pair of plaid pyjama pants and a worn black shirt that belonged to Geralt. 

Head and chest feeling better than they had in days he retrieved his guitar from it's case and settled on the floor in front of the lounge. After making sure the instrument was in tune he began to work through some basic chords. 

Before long Jaskier found himself lost in his music, only becoming aware that he had been playing far too long when he began to cough and quickly found himself scrambling to his feet in search of his ventolin.

In his hurry to stand he felt his right knee twist painfully, distracted as he was by the painful coughing fit he simply hobbled to the bedroom to retrieve the much needed medication.

Once he had his breathing under control he went to stand back up, only to quickly fall back onto the bed at the pain in his knee. 

"Shit," he yelped. Taking a deep breath he rolled up his pyjama pants to take a look at his leg. After some painful probing, he came to the conclusion that his knee was likely sprained.  At least it was nothing some ice and rest wouldn't solve.

Of course that was when he got a text from Geralt saying the hunt was done and he would be back within the next 20 minutes.

Now how on earth was he going to explain this?

Torn between staying out to save himself pain and getting up to put his guitar away, Jaskier wasted half of the time he had working out a plan. Of course said plan went out the window when he heard Geralt pull into the driveway.

"Fucking shit," Jaskier muttered, pushing himself up to standing, gasping as he put weight on his injured leg. Looking at the offending appendage he noted it had started to swell.  He knew he couldn't hide this from Geralt but regardless, he limped as quickly as he could back to the lounge room and tried to put his guitar back in its case. 

Of course Geralt opened the door right as Jaskier was struggling to put the guitar case away while also trying not to put any weight on his injured leg, a painful sounding wheeze coming from him with each breath.

"What the fuck?" Geralt asked, brow furrowed in confusion. "Jask, I thought you were going to rest a little longer before playing?" Geralt broached the distance between them in a few short strides and took the guitar from Jaskier's hands.

Relieved of his instrument Jaskier found himself adjusting his stance automatically only to give a muffled cry of pain as the movement jostled his knee.

Geralt put the guitar case out of the way in one corner of the room, returning to Jaskier's side quickly, looking him over for whatever was causing his lover pain.

"What happened? Are you hurt? Do you need ventolin?"

Jaskier shook his head and leaned into Geralt’s chest, strong arms wrapping around him instinctively. 

"I fucked up. Can we sit?" Jaskier said, nodding towards the couch.

Geralt helped the brunette the couch, helping him lower down slowly until he was sitting comfortably. Geralt moved away long enough to take off his boots and jacket before sitting beside Jaskier and waiting for him to speak.

"I may have ah…decided to play for a while. Nothing too crazy and no singing. But well, you know me, I ended up playing longer than intended! had a coughing fit. I tried to get to my puffer but I hurt my knee, pretty sure it's sprained…" he trailed off, sniffling a little and rubbing a hand across his eyes.

"Oh Jask, how about I get you an ice pack and a cup of tea for your throat? Maybe some ibuprofen?" Geralt asked as he checked over Jaskiers now swollen knee.

"But you just got back from a hunt, are you alright dear heart?"

Geralt nodded, features softening as his ill and hurting lover tried to look after him, "I am fine, hardly broke a sweat." 

Jaskier hesitated, studying Geralt for any hint of a lie. Finally satisfied that Geralt really was fine he nodded. "Yes please, that would be wonderful."

Geralt dropped a kiss to the brunette's forehead before standing and heading to the kitchen.

While Geralt was gone Jaskier put the TV on and brought up an episode of a show they'd been working through while Jaskier was sick. He sat back and turned so he was leaning against the arm of the chair, his aching leg stretched out before him, and got comfortable while waiting for Geralt to return. 

Before long Geralt was back with a mug of tea in one hand and an ice pack in the other. He gave Jaskier the tea before placing the ice pack on his swollen knee. With hands now free Geralt returned to the kitchen returning moments later with water and two ibuprofen in his hand, Jaskier gratefully downed the pills and water before handing the glass back. Geralt put the glass on the floor beside the lounge and Jaskier lifted his outstretched leg so Geralt could sit down.

When both men were settled on the lounge, Jaskier's legs on Geralt’s lap and Geralt's hand entwined with Jaskier's, the show was turned on and the pair let themselves relax.

[greyzoneeeeee]

Ever so present, but invisible.

I had my first panic attack when I was 12. I went to the doctor once as a teenager(around 16/17) about it because I wasn't coping- at that time it was some sorta "Acute Anxiety" and I got a Valium elixir to help take the edge off. That actually did help, but he wouldn't repeat the prescription because it was easy to get addicted to it. Which was a good decision in hindsight. I did start getting better so never really went back to the Doctor about it. However I would say I was just getting used to living with it, and knowing it was anxiety. So I'd say I'm currently living with some sorta functioning chronic anxiety of some sort. But I can't be bothered going to the Doctor about it. Anyway, in an effort to sooth whatever is bugging me atm, and to reassure others out there, here's a list of every anxiety symptom I've ever had.

Age 12 - Random sudden onset panic attacks. Related to flying away from home for the first time and starting high school soon. Obviously didn't even know the word "Anxiety" then. Mum and dad didn't really either but the mobile doctor told me to breathe into a paper bag and that was it lol. For reference this was 2004/2005. So it was a different time back then. Age 13-15 - This was the first three years of high school. I didn't really have panic attacks and my only symptom was "weird breathing". That was the only way I could describe it at the time. Essentially it's the obstructed breathing. Either inhaling or exhaling would feel like I was breathing through an obstruction. But at the same time I knew I COULD breathe, which I think is how I've been able to keep most panic attacks away. I'm definitely prone to health anxiety, and I've always been scared of having trouble breathing (Mum had asthma). So I learnt very quickly that the only person who was gonna be able to reassure me...was myself. Year 12 - Despite being scared to go to high school, now I was scared to leave the security of school. So this year was absolute anxiety hell lol. I watched a scary movie at the cinema and it just set all the symptoms off and running into most of the year. Weird breathing, occasional panic attacks if I let myself entertain the anxiety too much, light-headed, trouble focusing and staying present at home and school, numb/tingling/shaking hands and feet, feeling an obstruction in my throat when swallowing(this one + the weird breathing kept me up at night), feeling like I couldn't breathe if I was lying flat so I slept on like 7 pillows, difficulty falling asleep, mild stomach cramps/indigestion. I'd have weird breathing basically all day and night, every day, at home and at school. The only time it left was when I played sport at school or did after school stuff. Again, this worked as a reassurance that it was JUST anxiety, and nothing physical. Despite being anxious constantly, knowing it was anxiety was the only thing keeping it from getting worse than it was lol. That was the year I went to the doctor to get Valium. I think by the end of the year I was mooostly better. For a long time after that the only anxiety symptom I would get was the "weird breathing". Most times I didn't know what I was even anxious about, but it would quietly just exist for a bit then leave. Because it is one of the oldest symptoms, I'm very familiar with it. So it doesn't stress me out much anymore when I have it.

In the last few years a few new friends have appeared. The older one is a new branch of weird breathing where I can breathe clearly buuut it feels like my lungs are too small for the amount of air I want to inhale, like I can't quuuuite get a full breath. It ends up making me yawn a lot, and if I distract myself or wait a bit I can get that good full breath I'm looking for. Doesn't happen all the time, but comes and goes in phases. It's not particularly stressful to have...but it is annoying. I had a random sensation in my throat for like a week, constantly. When swallowing, when eating, when doing nothing, it was really getting to me. Then when I went drumming for a few hours it left and never came back. So that's how I knew that was anxiety. The second friend came a little bit after that throat sensation. I went to swallow some food and my throat basically panic blocked it from going down. I FREAKED out, internally. Heart rate shot through the roof, full flight-mode hahaha. Swallowing issues really freak me out, and I think it's closely connected to the breathing anxiety. So basically any sort of suffocating/choking/inability to breathe/drowing are big fears that I seem to have always had. Anxiety is really good at finding those fears and manifesting them into physical symptoms lol. Anyway, the only thing that calmed me down was that it was the same sensation I had when I was younger and tried to swallow tablets. I was scared of swallowing tablets (hence the Valium elixir), and my throat would panic block them from going down - which in turn makes you panic more cause you feel like you're choking. It was the exact same feeling. That plus the fact I knew I was swallowing liquids just fine. So eventually that settled down. It does come and go still. It has also resulted in me being a liiitle spooked when eating certain foods like noodles in any broth, ddeokbokki, japchae because the noodles are so slimey. I do think about it when I go out and eat those foods, which means it tries to creep in. I'm able to be more present now though and not just panic, so if I feel like a bit of food swallows awkwardly I stop, take very mindful inhale through my nose, work some saliva in my mouth and push the food to the back of my mouth with my tongue then swallow it. Again my reassurance is it's not with every food, and it's never at breakfast and lunch, it's only dinner. It's anxiety, it's your brain, you are physically okay.

Mum never resonated with anxiety until she got it in her later years, but she always wished she could help me when I was younger. Dad I think instinctively knew I wouldn't gain anything from telling him how I felt LOL. Most of my friends weren't helpful, one of them didn't even think anxiety existed. I had one friend who I think was going through something similar, but we were young and she would listen to me but couldn't really help me. That was as a teenager. Now as adults we both talk about anxiety openly, she's incredibly reassuring to talk to because when she talks about her symptoms I know I'm not alone in how I feel.

I also was getting mild tooth aches near a tooth I was sus about earlier this year. I hadn't been to the dentist since pre-covid so I think I was stressing about the fact it had been a while and what if something was wrong, and I kept putting off booking an appointment cause I hate ringing people lol. Tooth ache left within days of booking that appointment, teeth were fine and I didn't even need any fillings. I was shocked hahahah.

Also sometimes if it takes me a while to sleep I'll get anxious about not being able to sleep. Then my brain keeps thinking and thinking and thinking. Mainly before a big day or event if I have to be up hella early for it. I kinda just put up with it, tell myself I'm being a turkey, distract with my phone if I need to. But above all that, DON'T LOOK AT THE TIME! For me at least, knowing the time makes it worse. Even if I'm not actively stressing....It'll quietly niggle at the back that I'm "running out of time". Even though I know I've functioned just fine with no sleep before, and the sleep the night after is suh gooood.

So....yeah that's where we are now in the early 30's. There are a few more obscure symptoms I've had but I don't remember them atm, will add them if I remember.

[celeste-clearwater-06]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something about how the Fellowship (+ Thorin?) Would help a s/o who's Disabled and Chronically ill. Like she has a lot of symptoms like chronic pain, chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, difficulty breathing at times, difficulty walking at times, higher sensitivity to the cold, difficulty talking at times, and anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction?

I've been really struggling with my chronic illnesses lately, namely my Autism, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, a really bad Overbite, Raynaud's Syndrome, Asthma, etc, so I'd really appreciate an Imagine like this. I have a really weird disorder where one of my legs is longer than the other, and it's been causing me a lot of pain and difficulty walking lately, and people have been bullying me for it a lot too, so I could really use a Comfort Imagine right now. Thanks so much hun!!

It's no problem! I'm glad I can provide some comfort!! For each character, I'll use a specific struggling area, to make it a bit easier!! I hope I got these accurate enough, and of there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out!! You are strong, beautiful and so, so amazing!! Keep being you!! ❤❤

Help (The Fellowship// Thorin x Fem!Reader)

Aragorn (Autism)

Aragorn has known you for a long time, so helping with your autism is not new for him

He's particularly experienced in reading your emotions and meeting your needs, whether it's helping you out of stressful situations or calming you down, he's there 🥺

If there are large and boisterous gatherings in Rivendell, its almost guaranteed that you can become over-stimulated quickly, and Aragorn immediately senses this (spidey senses õoõ)

He's fast to find your hand and give it a gentle squeeze of reassurance

If that doesn't seem to help, he'll instantly stop what he's doing and take you out of the room

If you're someone who prefers lots of space and little physical contact, he is 100% respectful of this and asks if you'll let him touch or hug you (very much gentleman 😌)

If ever you're confronted by someone of importance, Aragorn is right by your side to ease some of the tension

Sometimes there are things you find difficult to say or get out of your system

The king seems to know exactly what it is and will help you out by saying it or asking you simple questions that you can easily answer

And he always reminds you, no matter WHAT

YOU ARE NOT STUPID 😤😡

You may struggle with some parts of your life, but every day, he's constantly telling you that you're very intelligent and kind

His patience is unending and he'll never let you think down on yourself

Overall, Aragorn is always someone and reminding you that it's all going to be okay ❤❤

Legolas (Anxiety)

Most nights, Legolas keeps watch (since elves don't require much sleep) and notices that you jolt awake out of the random

Now, most of the Fellowship notices that you're usually awake and ready to go before anyone else

But Legolas is really the one to address you first

You were a bit nervous to explain, since you didn't want to worry him or the great of the fellowship, amount the other disadvantages you have

He gently encouraged you, and finally, you explained to him your sleep apnea

Yeah, he was very concerned

I mean, his blue eyes widened with terror when you told him that you could basically die in your sleep if you weren't attentive enough 🙃

Legolas, from now on, sleeps directly next to you, or keeps extra careful watch over you at night

Because he could NEVER see his precious mortal friend become injured... Or worse 🥺🥺❤

The other members had noticed a change in his behaviors towards you as well...

Gimli teased him whenever he caught Legolas giving you some extra lembas bread or offered to carry you 👉👈

You really tried to assure Legolas that it wasn't a big deal when you were awake, since you're aware of your breathing situation

But still 😤

Legolas will always bring you comfort and take great care of you, and that will NEVER CHANGE

Because he loves you very much ❤🦋

Frodo (Anxiety)

Frodo is familiar with the feeling of great anxiety, seeing he had a stress-free life while living in the Shire and suddenly was forced to carry a piece of jewelry all the way to giant ass volcano

It's easy for you two to comfort each other and seek refuge in thoughts and feelings ❤

He's not super comfortable with the thought of you having a panic attack though...

Only because he's never had one

It starts to give him a panic attack whenever you have one around him the first time 😳-

Any time you begin to breathe heavy or hyperventilate, halfling boy is hot at your heels, rubbing your back and reminding you to breathe gently

(So many hugs, if you're up for it)

After you calm down, he's constantly checking on you, asking if you need anything etc.

Really, he just wants to know if he can help 🥺

And even with the weight and stress of carrying the ring, Frodo manages to cheer you up somehow

Samwise (Asthma)

Sam has never had to deal with asthma once in his life

He's very nervous when the subject is brought, afraid it might trigger something inside of you 🥺👉👈

But you just chuckle, assure him that it's alright, and you have ways of keeping it under control

And now, he wants to know everything about it, just to have the awareness in case something happens

Sam just wants to protect you forever, and this was a great way for him to start

He constantly reminds Aragorn that you'll need breathing breaks and will convince Gandalf to let you ride on his horse

He'll scold Pip and Merry if they are trying to drag you around and be silly, because as he says

"You'll rouse him/her/them up! We can't have Y/N gettin injured!" 🤨😠

Sam is MOM

As always, he's very kind and always makes sure your needs are met ❤🥺

Pippin and Merry (Raynaud's Syndrome)

Very confused halfings 🤔

Also extremely concerned!

You were eating one of the lesser pleasurable nights

It was cold and rainy, and a fire couldn't be started, not to mention the quiet arguments of Aragorn and Gandalf in the nearby woods

And Pip's eyes widened when he saw the tips of your petite fingers begin to pale upon hearing Aragorn mention Orcs

"What's wrong with your hands?!" He squeaked, pointing towards your now white-colored fingertips

You hadn't even noticed, nor felt, considering they were numb anyways

Merry looked over his cousin's shoulder and his eyes also widened, not with fright, but wonder

They were both fascinated with your condition, convinced that you were casting some spell Gandalf showed you

Although you reassured them it was just an extremely frustrating inconvenience that you had, among other things

So from then on, the disastrobus duo did their best to keep you out of the cold (and stressful situations!!)

As a distraction, the pair will tell you great stories of the shire, doing little dances and skits that always cheer you up ��

Sometimes, they can be a little rambunctious though...

Merry will pick up on this fact quickly, and nudge Pippin to get him to calm down

Even though it may not feel the best

They find your syndrome absolutely fascinating!! 🤔🤔

All in all, these two are always up for keeping your beautiful smile on your face and your spirits high!! ❤🌺

Boromir (Depression)

Throughout the journey, Boromir has always found an easy way to make you smile

After all, he himself has a fascinating way of brightening anyone's spirits

Yours included ❤

Boromir may not have great stories from The Shire, like Pip and Merry, but he sure has a lot of positive things to say

He'll often suggest sparring with the two troublemaking halflings, just so you can see him goof up and get knocked over 🥺

If the nights become cold and weary, he'll give you a warm hug or a nudge on the shoulder

And a few words of helpful encouragement along the lines of;

"Don't fret Y/N. You have more strength than you'll ever know."

"Let our spirits never dampen! We've come this far!" 😊

He's also an incredible listener

Boromir wants to hear what you have to say if you ever need to rant or get something off of your chest

And don't think for a second that he would ever judge you 😤

Son of Gondor sees past all of your insecurities and knows you for your beautiful, amazing self ❤❤

Gimli (Walking disadvantages)

As you travel across great plains and mountains, your limp doesn't go unnoticed by Gimli

It may take him a while to open up about it, since he's afraid he might offend you in some way

And once he asks you, you inform him that it's a difficulty that unfortunately cannot be changed any time soon

And where you come from, lots of people tease and bully you about it

He did NOT handle it well 😳

"wHAT BLUBBERING DULL-MINDED PIGNUTS-" 🤬

Although this Dwarf is short and a bit slow at times

He's fascinatingly strong 😳

And so, he makes it his duty to be your designated carrier 🥺

At first, your a tad skeptical...

I mean, he's only around 4 feet tall...

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM THROW THAT HUGE AX AROUND?!

Gimli will happily carry you great distances when you need a break, and even longer

(Sometimes it's just to show off around the others-)

"Gimli, are you sure you don't want a break?"

"Aye lass! The strength of Dwarves is unending!" 😌

*struggling to breathe*

11/10, fantastic dwarf, will never let you down!!

Thorin (Executive Dysfunction)

Another Dwarf??

Absolutely

Thorin himself has trouble keeping composure with his time management (and sense of direction 🙄)

This means that he'll have an undying amount of patience for you and you only

There's just something about you that he fond of, and it fills in that little sassy, brooding place in his heart

Can also relate to you whenever you grow frustrated at the setback of your journey or lack of sleep

Is 100% willing to help you find your lost belongings (and once again, ONLY YOU)

Thorin will literally make the whole traveling party stop so that you can put something in your bag and make sure that you put it somewhere you'll remember

Always happy to give you extra gentle reminders of keeping your pack closed

The company is utterly SHOCKED with how he treats you

I mean, this man has always been extremely stubborn and hard headed

But when you show up, it's another person he can easily relate and share frustrations with

Also a master at organization?!? 🤔

The one thing he could do successfully was organizing the damn journey and traveling company, so ofc he's gonna be good at that 😂

Yeah, Thorin definitely has a soft spot for you

King under the mountain will never run out of patience and kindness for you 😌💙

Sorry these took so long!! I hope you like them!! ❤❤

[creatureshrieks]

Assorted Headcanons ; Steve Harrington

According to Steve, he was a lifeguard. Lifeguards, even in the 80s, needed to pass a variety of basic training even for public pools (These were provided in 1983 by the Red Cross and in 1986, the YMCA began to provide their own courses in their gyms). In order to be an actual lifeguard, Steve must have passed a test on CPR and basic first aid, as well as tell for the starting signs of emergencies due to drowning, heart attacks, stroke,  asthma, diabetes, or seizures.

Steve was also a boy scout, so he very much knows after proper safety. Something he ends up taking notice of and pointing out (lack of fire exits, etc.).

Steve has undiagnosed ADHD - He gets easily distracted when he genuinely has no interest in something (school), will forget where he’s placed things (constantly slightly dehydrated due to forgetting where he’s placed his drink), and is genuinely good at things he finds interested (basketball, swimming, anything active). He attaches to ‘unnecessary’ details (remembering the music in the background of Dustin’s recording and being able to remember where it came from) and his brain forms connections between things that make sense to him, but wouldn’t make sense to an outside viewer (When he wrote his essay for college and connected him playing sports to his grandfather in the war. It makes sense to HIM. He’s not stupid, he just has difficulty explaining his thoughts. Also, he very easily gets embarrassed when he looks ‘stupid’). Unfortunately, it wasn’t even until 1987 where ADHD began to actually be called ADHD, and for Steve’s parents the idea that anything could be wrong with their son was unthinkable. Steve failed in a lot of his classes, not only due to his general disregard for his classes but also due to his ADHD. His parents, however, thought he was either just lazy or stupid for not being able to pass these courses and Steve ended up thinking the same.

Steve likes music. He tends to pick up beats quickly and memorizes and recognizes tunes just as fast (ADHD whoo). When he’s left alone with nothing to do or he’s just bored, he often just taps out songs he likes or just that are stuck in his head. He’d pick up certain instruments pretty quickly if given the chance to learn.

Steve gets restless if he sits still for too long, hence the   hand tapping and the desire to play sports. He likes to be active.

Steve smokes weed. He gets the worst munchies when he’s high.

Steve likes cars, but mostly just in a “this car looks sick as hell and I NEED to ride it”. He appreciates the classics.   He doesn’t really know how to fix them or anything, outside of maybe changing a tire.

Steve can sing (Yeah stealing from the fact Joe Keery sings under the name Djo. Check out his Youtube, his songs are pretty cool).

Steve suffers from a variety of insecurities, namely from failing to meet the expectations of his family and completely changing his ‘persona’ in high school after meeting Nancy. He feels insecure about not being able to get into college, for being bad at subjects, and his inability to get girls after leaving high school made him wonder just what was wrong with him.

Steve is bisexual, but he genuinely doesn’t. Know it for awhile. When he figures it out, Robin would be the first person he told. wlw/mlm solidarity.

Steve is very good at making split-second decisions, adapting to the moment, and improvising. Even if that ‘improvisation’ is screaming at a Russian soldier and beating the shit out of him.

Steve can cook basic things, like eggs or pancakes. Hamburgers on the stove and more ‘simple’ meals, but if he gets distracted they tend to end up a little burnt.

Steve can’t really handle anything too spicy.

[ayellowcurtain]

Can you write a fic where Robbe is struggling with long term PTSD following the homophobic attack? And his boyfriend or/and friends try to comfort him and help him overcome the trauma?

could you write something about Robbe and Sander going to that bar and Robbe getting anxious but Sander is there for him?

ask for you to write something like Robbe having an asthma attack and how him and Sander deals with it please?

Robbe doesn’t feel too good, it’s not the usual “you’re getting out of breath” that he’s so used to it after years living with asthma attacks, it’s something else, but he checks his pockets just in case. His inhaler in his left jacket pocket, he didn’t forget it at home, he’s okay.

Sander looks at him and smiles, holding his hand tighter and Robbe takes that as an invitation to walk closer, always checking around them to see if there’s anyone else on the sidewalk.

He can see it from here, the bar - their bar as Sander says - it’s crowded, a little more than that night, but it’s also a little earlier this time.

“If you don’t feel comfortable, just tell me, Robbe. And we’ll get out of here.” Sander tells him when they reach the door, looking deep into Robbe’s eyes to make sure he understands. It’s okay if he doesn’t feel safe yet.

Robbe tries to focus on something else other than his past memories, flashing in the back of his mind constantly. He tries to remember the other time they were here. About how anxious he was, but also how he never felt so alive, wanting someone so badly it was actually physically painful at some point.

He never thought he was the one to kiss his boyfriend in public, proudly whispering where he wanted to go next with Sander, asking please as he kisses Sander’s cheek and squeezed his thigh. His touch in the back of Robbe’s neck left his skin tingling for the whole time they were inside.

Safe inside.

They’re finally sitting inside, in the complete opposite side of the bar than the other time and Sander’s gentle touch on his thigh makes Robbe more present in the moment, but also remind him again of another piece of that night, looking at Sander and he smiles. Robbe was out of it again and Sander is so patient when that happens.

“You want to drink something? A beer?”

Robbe’s throat is dry and so he nods his head. A cold, freezing beer sounds perfect right about now. Sander talks to the happy waiter and he asks for some snacks too. Soon Robbe is chugging down his beer, really thankful for the coldness that helps balance his temperature, he feels like he’s overheating.

“Come on...Show me your magic tricks again.” Sander pushes the snack bowl closer to Robbe, trying to distract him from his fears. Robbe thought he was managing to hide how he’s feeling, but maybe it’s as clear as he feels it.  He can’t seem to focus on anything, his brain is foggy and his body is anxious, trying to keep it all inside and not worry Sander.

“I don’t remember what I did that night, was freaking out.” Robbe laughs shyly. Sander is trying so hard and so he just has to push through an hour or so inside this place and he’ll be good.

“I remember every single word you said. Want me to tell you, word-by-word?” Sander touches his forehead, putting his hair to the side, it was bothering his eyes, but Robbe couldn’t bring himself to fix it. But then Sander does and Robbe flinches, looking around them, feeling his panic crawl through his veins and he holds his breath, stopping it from reaching his brain.

Sander doesn’t complain about Robbe avoiding his touch, he doesn’t even look disappointed, just puts his hand down, holding his beer instead, acting like that didn’t just happen.

“I’m sorry.” Robbe pulls his chair closer to Sander’s, feeling the lump in his throat getting bigger and bigger.

He was so worried about his trauma and how it still affects him that when he notices, it’s too late.

One can only make the other worse, Robbe can’t breath, no matter how much air he tries to inhale, it’s never enough, it doesn’t go to his lungs, he feels his neck hard and fighting to spread the air to every member to make his body function normally.

“Need to get out.”

It feels like a minute goes by but it’s probably just a second until Sander understands what’s going on. Robbe stumbles to stand up and Sander is right next to him, leaving money on their table, his hand on Robbe’s back.

“Come, let’s get out of here, get some fresh air.” Sander holds his hand tight again, that’s basically all Robbe can feel. His brain is shutting down, his lungs feel like their walls are glued to each other, never able to fill his lungs with enough air.

He hears complaints, Sander harshly pushing people out of their way, the loud noise of the heavy door being opened. Cold wind against his face makes him dizzy, but it’s better than a crowded place.

“Wait, Robbe, just breathe, ok?” He’s against the outside wall, Robbe can hear how he’s wheezing and Sander’s nervous hands touching his jacket, he finds the inhaler before Robbe can and puts it on his hand, closing his fingers around it.

-

Slowly, Robbe’s brain starts working again. He can think clearly and see where they are. Still leaning against the outside door. Sander is right next to him, holding his hand, waiting with Robbe to recover.

Even though he’s happy to breathe again - the air after an attack feels like the best thing ever - Robbe feels like the worst boyfriend. Ruining their date once again.

“I’m sorry.” He turns his head to be able to see Sander and he smiles softly.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, cutie.”

Robbe holds Sander’s hand and drags them to sit on the sidewalk and wait for a little.

He’s happy to be able to sigh, even if it’s a small struggle, at least the air he’s breathing is enough to fill his lungs for a second. Robbe sits closer to Sander, their thighs flat against each other. He quietly puts his arms around Sander’s, hugging it, resting against his shoulder, kissing and looking back, hiding against his shoulder blade.

“The start of that night was one of the best moments of my life.”

He feels when Sander laughs, moving his arm to hold Robbe’s hand, kissing the back of it.

“Yeah, it was amazing.”

“I wish it went as we planned…” Robbe whispers, regretting not drinking his entire beer before they had to rush out, his throat is dry and raspy.

“We got what we wanted, just a few weeks later, no?” Sander tries to look at him, Robbe can feel his back muscles moving and how he’s trying to look over his shoulder and so he moves, resting his chin against the edge of Sander’s shoulder, looking at him.

“Yeah. I guess.”

“So we won. Those criminals don’t stand a chance against our love. We have the right to love each other. And I’m so very lucky I can have you for the rest of my life, we’ll have so many happy nights together, going on dates or not, just staying in. As long as we got each other and our love, that counts as a big win to me.”

Robbe laughs, kissing his shoulder, still looking up at Sander, quietly intertwining their fingers in between them.

“You’re so romantic.”

“That’s all your fault.”

[rahabs]

Okay. At least you are in a place where if sth would happen now, there are doctors around who can help right? I mean even if that lung specialist isnt there yet and all. Im so fidgeting all the time when nervous or stressed too and wouldnt have any nerve to read or what.. you must be really exhausted too after such a stressful night. I wish there was someone to hug and comfort you now. I was about to send you this virtual hug gif but ugh on anon its not possible to send gifs. So pls imagine that then. 💙

And hopefully you will know soon (in a few hours) what is up with your lungs but i guess until then try taking deep breaths and not think too much about all the possibilites? Cant help it now anyway and probably doesnt help to work yourself up even more i guess? I mean i hope i dont sound rude or anything, thats not my intention to tell you what to think or do or anything. its just what i used to tell myself whenever i was in a similar stressful situation and could basically only wait for doctors to eventually do their thing with diagnosing/treatment etc.

Are there other people around you? To me it always helped trying to distract myself with other people and wondering why they are there etc because they are moving and catch my attention a bit more easily than trying to distract myself with books. But that could also be just me 😅

Anyway i actually didnt intend to write you this entire novel, especially i dont want to bother or stress you with this. Feel free to answer or ignore. I just worry and wish you good luck 🙏💙

Hello, Anon 🖤 You are so sweet and I want to thank you for your kind words! They really helped. I ended up dozing for about four hours because they found something on my chest X-ray that they worried might be a blood clot in my lung. I was put on blood thinners/anti-inflams/something (I was sleepy and stressed but I have the documents somewhere) and they scheduled me for a 10 AM heavy duty lung test where I got to breathe in radioactive dust and get scanned for 30 minutes, but by the time they were able to do that (the people didn’t come in until 10, and I got the initial X-rays done at about 4 or 5 AM) whatever it was had cleared up.

Running theory is blood clot that cleared up due to the meds/care I got by the time the second test rolled around. I feel sore and awful and mentally just very beaten down. I had the ‘VID right before it hit the news in late January/early February 2020 (full-blown couldn’t breathe, couldn’t talk for two months, people were asking me if I had asthma because I would have attacks where I’d crumple over and gasp for breath and even drinking water hurt, and I’ve never had lung issues before that) and they said in the wake of the the pandemic they are seeing an uptick in young women with similar issues, and they said it’s a 50/50 thing so they were very glad I came in so that they could rule anything out.

SO. Yes. By the time they got the final test back (at around… 12.30?) there was nothing life-threatening. But it might have been a blood clot that cleared up (apparently that can happen and my nurse sister confirmed that).

I didn’t have anyone physically (besides the EMTs who were VERY nice and I spent a bunch of time talking with them for the first hour or two before I was put in a privately sectioned curtain room) but I did have my friends that I was texting who have. Really been my rocks tonight and I love them so much and I am so grateful because without them this would have been 🥺 A whole lot worse. A whole lot worse more stressful than it already was. They made a terrifying situation so much more bearable and I was able to put on a Podcast and put my phone up by my ear and sleep (strange… I never usually charge my phone before I go to bed but oddly yesterday I thought “oh… I should really charge my phone” and so by the time paramedics came it was charged enough to get me through 12 hours of being at emergency care) for a little bit.

I am home now (I’m a bit frazzled so I can’t remember if I mentioned that) and getting some rest. I have lots of bread and eggs and some frozen meals so munch on today and I will spend it on the couch probably watching Ink Master or something. But I did want to say thank you for your well-wishes, anon,,, your messages came at a point when I was definitely alone and feeling incredibly stressed and they helped a lot, even if I couldn’t respond to this one until now. Bless you truly and I hope you are very well 🖤

[trying-write-fanfics]

Shouji Mezo X Reader Remeber part 8

Recovery girl looked at the fainted one. She came back after a little bit.

“Looks like you’re waking up.” 

“I hope I wasn’t too much trouble.” She told her. 

“Why did you use your quirk.”

“Promise you won’t judge?”

“No.”

 Y/n sighed and explained she was worried about being late for lunch. She didn’t even have time to make herself cute for her appearance.  She jumped over the stair rail, but realized she went face first and was gonna hit her head. So she used a wind quirk to push herself right back up. Then she raced to the cafeteria to get food. 

“You’re reckless! You have no control over your quirk and yet you use it?” Recovery girl scolded her. 

“I didn’t think it was gonna trigger an asthma attack. I had two rashes in a row.” she explained “I thought a third one would be the charm.”

“Has Aizawa been giving you quirk training?”

“Yeah… we haven’t learned much, but...I do use it without thinking.” She sighed. “Has my mom called at all?”

“No I’m afraid not. Do you want to call her?”

“No, I don’t wanna bother her. She’s probably really busy.”

“I may not trust you, but you shouldn’t feel nervous to call your parents if you miss them.”

“It’s fine, really. I’m used to not hearing from them. I just didn’t know how worried she was.”

Recovery girl felt a little bad. She wanted to tell Y/n her mom had to miss her and was worried, but she knew she would be lying to her. Her mother had to be distancing herself from UA to steer clear from the heros.  

“It looks like you’re making friends here.” She told her. 

“I kicked someone’s ass the other day.”

“Well that happens in a school like this.” She told her. “And just cause you can heal yourself doesn’t mean you should avoid me. You may not be a student here, but you do deserve healthcare.”

“I just feel weird about people looking at my body.” Y/n said. 

“It’s okay for you to rely on others. No need to punish yourself, that’s Aizawa’s job.” Recovery girl said. 

The class got the information from Shouji. Aizawa asked what happened and then got another message from Recovery girl. They went to training for the remainder of the class. 

 Shouji thought to himself about that whole situation. Why was she avoiding help? Would he no longer be her number favorite of the class. The image of her face pressed against his neck kept coming back to him. Was she okay? She did end up fainting. Aizawa didn’t seem worried when Recovery girl updated him on the situation. 

“Shouji you seemed distracted today.” Aizawa pulled him to the side. “If you’re worried about Y/n she’s going just fine. I’ve been trying to train her how to use her quirk.”

“She didn’t want my help.” Shouji told him.

“You will get people like that, but as a hero you try your best to save them regardless.” Aizawa said. “Do you want to check on her?”

“As long as I’m not disturbing her.” He told her. 

 Her dorm was in the teachers area. Her dorm was strategically placed that if she did try to escape it would be a walk. Behind the door he heard coughing.

“I’ll leave you two be.”

“Why do you trust her?” Shouji asked before knocking. 

“There’s a good reason why she doesn’t want to go back home, and I don’t think anyone from her old gang is gonna claim her.” Aizawa simply answered before leaving. “She’s a kid, and she knows this is her best option.”

Shouji knocked on the door after Aizawa was gone. He hoped it wasn’t a bad time. 

“Knocking! You usually just barge in!” Her hoarse voice called out. “Come in.”

“It’s not Aizawa.” Shouji said entering. 

 The room was not what he expected for someone a prisoner of UA. She painted the room, gave it fun lights, furniture an influencer has. It wasn’t his ideal room, but he didn’t sleep there did he now. Papers were all over the floor, they looked like biology notes. She was laying in bed with a laptop on her chest. 

“Damn if you were, you could help me get past the school block.” She joked.

“I just came to make sure you were fine.”

“Did you think I was gonna die? It was just a little asthma.” She told him. 

“I don’t think everyone with asthma bleeds.” He told her. 

She just tried laughing it off. She was way to calm for what was gonna happen when she returns to the classroom. 

“We know your (full name) and that you’re basically a prisoner here.” Shouji said catching right to the trace.

“Minor to reform. Not a prisoner. Did Aizawa tell you?” She corrected

“Yaoyorozu recognized you, and then Iida and Todoroki did. Todoroki was trying to ask you something at lunch. How do you all know each other?”

Y/n’s sighed in annoyance. 

“My parents were either trying to round up experiments or reform the law with influential heroes or people. I don’t 100 percent remember. I was only with them so they could show it was safe.”

He did not like that. It was almost confirming how evil her parents were. Using people and even their own daughter. He didn’t know what their goal was, but from what Shouji heard from the three who knew her, her parents didn’t seem like good people. 

“I just wanted to pretend to be a normal teaching aid for a little while longer.” Y/n whined.

“We all kinda knew you were our age.” Shouji told her. 

“Hey, at least I’m cool, I bet I made the class a lot more fun when I got into a fight.” She told him. “And thanks for taking me to recovery girl.” 

“It’s what heroes do.” He told her. “I didn’t think you would remember.”

“I remember you were fussy.” She told him. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, why do you like me so much.” Shouji asked her.

He expected her to be flustered at the question. Maybe he hoped she would shed some feelings off her chest. It was the only expectation he had, it was never normal for someone to take so much interest in him before. However his expectation of a shy weird confession was turned into something loud.

“Are you kidding! You have all these arms and not only that they don’t even need to be hands they can be ears or mouths or noses! You could be a cooler Guy Fieri! And you get to live my dream of wearing shoulder exposing shirts on school property!” She wheezed. “It’s not anything I could imagine.”

“You might be the first to say that.” He told her. 

“I’m sure that's not true.”

No he was sure. It was just weird how someone who fit the conventional body standard was the one thinking he was cool looking. 

“You’re studying biology?” He asked her.

“Yeah I took two different bio classes on top of the required one to impress my mom. If I had to be like either my parents' careers, I’d choose my mom’s because it’s too much to lie to people like my dad.”

“What about something you would want yourself.”

“I don’t know honestly, but I know I shouldn’t just stop to think, just keep learning and figure it out as I go. That’s what you students are doing, figuring out what type of heroes you want to be.” She explained.

“Will you be fine alone?” He asked her.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve lived this long, haven’t I?”

“Are you okay with the class knowing who you are?” He asked her.

“I don’t know. You all want to be heroes.” She said. “I’m probably some evil dangerous villain you all see me as now.”

He could only speak for himself, but to him, she was the weirdest girl he’s ever met. Taking out the evil rich parents, or the fact she was part of organized crime, just her by herself was weird, but nice. She had the look of someone popular, knows all the latest trends, can fight and defend herself, but her own body is a risk to her....and most of all she compliments him recklessly.

“I’m sure if you explain your side, they’ll come to an understanding.”

“Thanks Shouji.”Y/n replied

[officialleehadan]

  Trip Don’t Fall

James hated every moment of this. Of waiting. Of knowing that something was probably about to go terribly wrong. It didn’t help that when he was scared, he got even more clumsy, which was a problem considering how often he broke himself by falling off of, onto, and into, stationary objects. If he tried to bolt, nobody would have to shoot him, because he would probably break his own neck trying to scramble down the stairs.

Kathryn, however, reacted to fear with rage. 

Shatter and Ghostmaker watched them both closely, torn between amusement and the first hints of actual alarm.

James, not sure at all who to worry more for, put himself between Kathryn and her chosen targets with slow, deliberate steps that clunked slightly with the sound of his still-in-a-cast left leg. 

“Kat,” James said carefully, and faced his sister even though every instinct in his body screamed at him to keep his eyes on the two terrifying villains in the room. “Come on. Grey invited them. You knew they were coming. It was your idea to have me vet them.”

“I thought you would say no when you found out what they did to Grey,”

“Grey told me what we were up against. We need the help.”

Kathryn glared over his shoulder at the villains, who apparently were realizing quickly that James wasn’t protecting his sister from them, he was protecting them from Kathryn.

The problem, ultimately, was that Grey told them about the favor he did for the two villains. It involved a lot of murder, several innocent deaths that still haunted Grey, and a good deal of torture. Apparently Ghostmaker managed to get Grey out before the bad guys actually managed to break his mind, but it was a close thing.

So, Kathryn was, justifiably, on the war path.

James was trying to do damage control, and was mostly relying on the fact that his equally-terrifying baby sister would hesitate before actually going through him to get at the objects of her fury.

Hopefully, she would. It wasn’t like he could stop her if she decided that him being a fall-risk was worth punching two world-class villains in the face.

“If you get within six feet of me,” she told the pair, each word bitten off and dripping with the promise of violence. “I’ll reenact some of my boyfriend’s nightmares on you before I stake you out for whoever has the highest bounty on your heads. We clear?”

Before they could answer, she turned and stalked out, dangerously high red pumps clacking furiously on the concrete floors of James’s lab. James watched her go and sighed. 

Low chuckles broke him out of whatever slight relief he might have gained form diffusing the situation. 

Ghostmaker was a tall man, whose Power had enhanced all of his physical abilities as far as they would go. He was incredibly strong, impossibly fast, and had been known to dodge bullets just by hearing the brush of a finger on a trigger. Now, though, he was powered down, and leaning against one of James’s metal tables, dressed in a surprisingly casual band t-shirt, that did nothing to hide his very impressive arms, and loose jeans. Male-presenting villains, and heroes too, James had noticed, basically only came in gorgeous and burly. Beside Ghostmaker stood Shatter, who was a statuesque woman that had a smile promising death, perfect eyeliner, thick black hair, and the kind of muscle even Kathryn couldn’t boast. 

Why did everyone in James’s life have to come exclusively in shades of perfect? Even the shockingly-evil ones were just kind of like that. 

And then there was James, clad in khakis and a snuggly sweater because he had to keep the lab’s AC high to protect his computer banks, and covered to the knee in a cast, because he literally fell down the stairs. It wasn’t fair. But working out was… well, Grey tried to teach him how. James immediately had an asthma attack, dropped the weights on himself, and had to be rescued. Then he tried the treadmill, which he should have known was a bad idea, and fired himself off the back and into a wall.

One mild concussion and a lot of bruises later, even Grey decided he was genuinely hopeless, and left James alone in the safety of his lab

“I see why Grey likes her,” Ghostmaker said first, voice low and rumbling even as he spoke between snickers. “Two peas in a pod, those two.”

“Don’t be like that,” Shatter agreed. Her Power was to, well, shatter things. Anything, in fact, including people and things that, mechanically, shouldn’t be able to shatter. The last time she made the news, it was because she was holding an entire skyscraper hostage. It turned out to be a distraction, as Ghostmaker robbed the biggest bank in town, to the tune of well over a billion dollars. So far, the authorities hadn’t found a way to contain either of them, and even the heroes gave the two notorious villains wide berth. “You like her too.”

“Yeah, but, present company included, my taste in women is terrible.”

“I resemble that remark.”

“In all the best ways. Promise.”

James looked between them, realized that the banter was a calculated attempt to put him off his guard, and backed away, before immediately tripping over a stool and going ass-over-teakettle as he tried to catch himself and failed.

Before he could actually hit the floor, or anything else, he… stopped.

Oh. That was… arms. Someone caught him? Nobody was close enough to catch him.

When he looked up, it was to Ghostmaker’s bemused face

“Don’t break yourself before we get to know you,” he said, and, deposited James safely in a chair before backing away, hands visible. “Might smell all over of fear, but you’ve got a backbone of steel, don’t you?”

“Kat calls it dumb luck, mostly,” James stuttered, because what? And also he did not know how to handle being alone with these two. He was not a Hero. Or a Villain. Or anybody who could reasonably deal with any of this. And wat was that about his smell? He probably didn’t want to know. “Thanks. I mean. You didn’t have to catch me. But thanks.” 

Shatter was staring at him, amused and baffled in equal measure, and leaned against Ghostmaker’s shoulder when he returned to her side.

“Grey told us to keep an eye on you,” she said, lips painted black and parted in horrified wonder. “But I thought he was exaggerating. How do you even get through the day?”

“Fear makes me clumsy,” James muttered defensively. “It’s not usually this bad. Except when there’s stairs involved. I’m not good at stairs.”

Both villains started to laugh, but oddly, it didn’t seem like the mean sort of laugh that James usually got. The kind that meant people were making fun of him.

Before he could decide what to think of that, the clack of Kathryn’s heels on the stairs announced the return of James’s sister, and the thud of steel-toed boots told him that Grey was with her. 

James stuck his thoughts on the back-burner for now and turned to meet them. 

After all, they had a job to do, and time was running short.

+++

In the City:

James is not the vigilante, but his sister knows who is.

Lobster Bisque

Balcony Coffee

Bang Bang

Closed Cameras (Subscriber Only!)

Trip Don’t Fall

+++

More Stories!

[thisgirlsays22]

QuaranTeen Wolf Viewing: S1 EP8 Part 1

Stiles gets Scott drunk to help soothe his pain over the break up with Allison. Stiles’s voice cracks adorably while he is wasted, it is precious. 

This is all very cute, but it seems like another drawback of being a werewolf is that either you can’t get drunk or it’s a lot harder to get drunk. Scott soberly broods. 

Stiles talks about Lydia and also about being alone, BUT THEN BULLIES ARRIVE ON THE SCENE!

Harsh. But I like that this continues the theme of dangerous human villains being marked by their hats. Recall that the rando who beat Scott up (when he believed Scott had keyed his car) was wearing a flat cap. 

The bullies steal the booze! But then Scott flashes his were eyes, gets the bottle back...and then throws it against a tree. We scene jump to Scott and Stiles heading to their car, so I guess the confrontation ended peacefully after the alcohol was destroyed.

But wait a minute. We return to the bullies who are still roaming the woods, looking for other victims to bully! When the Alpha shows up and straight up throws one of them into a fire!! And murders the other one offscreen I think??

If anyone dares to try to pin this on Derek too so help me god...

Scott wakes up later in the week. His radio tells us that school has been closed for two days and that the police are looking for Derek. 

Scott’s mom comes in and continues to be very likable and offer support to her sad son. Scott rebuffs her. 

Scott :( 

Chris & Kate Argent drive Allison to school. Chris is being overprotective and basically not letting Allison out of the car until Kate intervenes. 

I have to say I’m impressed by the way Kate and Chris are being portrayed as characters. I’m so so wary of both of them but then also the fam interactions can be really fun. The writing here feels a bit more organic than with some of the other threads going on. Like hey these people are horrifying menaces to our main characters but also they are a family with real desires and cares in this world. Yay for some nuance!

Kate tries to say something to Chris and he babbles defensively about how Kate was right, they should have acted sooner, he put Allison in danger. Kate’s like, “I was just gonna say u need gas.” 

Argent comedy hour over here. 

Allison and Lydia chat and let the audience know that no one knows they were the ones at the school the other night. Allison is concerned she made the wrong choice breaking up with Scott, but Lydia points out that he locked them in a classroom and left them for dead. “He’s lucky we’re not pressing charges or making him pay for our therapy bill.” LOL. 

Sheriff is also at the school, and Stiles asks him if they’ve found Derek yet. He warns his father to be extra careful (bc of the full moon), and his father assures him that he’s brought in the big guns in the form of a state detective. 

Well, I for one feel safer already.  

Scott/Stiles/Allison all take a test. Scott can’t concentrate bc of his Allison angst + werewolf senses going into overdrive (presumably intensified as the full moon approaches. Good detail!)

Scott flees the classroom. Stiles goes after him immediately, test be damned! That is friendship, y’all. 

He finds Scott in the boy’s locker room (the favorite set location by far) having a sexy breakdown. I’m not complaining that we have had a lot of shirtless Scott this ep, but it feels bittersweet given the circumstances.

Scott tells Stiles he can’t breathe, so Stiles roots around in Scott’s backpack for his inhaler. I find it charming / a really good detail that Scott is still carrying his inhaler. He’s not fully confident about his new powers and not fully accepting of the changes IN HIS LIFE AND BODY. And I love that Stiles knows exactly where the inhaler is. And that Stiles is like ‘hey actually you’re having a panic attack, but I distracted you by making you think it was an asthma attack!’ and he talks about how he had panic attacks after his mom died. My heart.

Stiles suggests that the heightened senses / reactions / panic attack are because of the full moon. Scott says that they need to do more during the full moon than just lock him in his room because if they don’t he might kill someone!

In the next scene, there is some sort of big hunter meeting going on AND STATE DETECTIVE IS THERE!!! 

They talk about whether or not Allison will be a target and how they have to protect lives during the full moon. 

Chris explains, “An Alpha is like any other werewolf on a full moon. It struggles under its sway, which means tonight is our best chance to catch it—when it’s unfocused.” 

They discuss that it’s unlikely Derek will show up tonight. Allison’s mom enters the room with cookies and says they should cut Derek in half if they see him. She then offers cookies. EEEK!

Jackson finds Allison eating lunch and...wipes food off her lips and then eats the food...I know he’s trying to be sexy, but yuck! Instead of fleeing in horror, Allison thanks him. 

Jackson’s neck continues to bother him. In my haste to worry about Scott, I forgot to worry about how Jackson would be handling the full moon.  

Scott is eavesdropping outside the cafeteria as Jackson tells Allison she did the right thing dumping Scott/that he got what he deserved. Scott cracks a wall with his head!?!?!

We then switch to a comedic scene in the locker room (again, the fav set piece) where, thanks to a pink eye outbreak, there are some new folks on first line. Stiles is overjoyed to find he is one of the lucky guys!

Scott is made co captain with Jackson, much to Jackson’s chagrin. 

Danny, the voice of reason, tells Jackson that it doesn’t matter who the captain of the team is. He tells Jackson to get a grip. Danny is great, can we get more of him?? 

Stiles and Scott discuss this dramatic turn of events, and Scott reveals he can smell jealousy. Stiles is like CAN YOU ALSO SMELL DESIRE? The answers to these questions are crucial because they could potentially form the basis to an enormous number of fics. 

Stiles asks Scott to go talk to Lydia about him and see if he can smell desire from her. 

In a strange turn of events, Scott takes Lydia into a private classroom and asks if Allison is still into him. Lydia says that Allison will always like him as a friend, but that Lydia knows Allison made a huge mistake. Scott was protecting them, and Lydia is into that...so she starts making out with Scott?? This has to be connected to the way Jackson has been acting with Allison, right?? Or can Lydia smell that new Lacrosse Captain smell on Scott?? Is she somehow also being affected by the full moon? 

Scott makes this face at Lydia: 

[secret-kpoplibrary]

Trapped in Lace Pt. 6

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: None here

Genre: Fluff, just fluff

Summary: Being a single mother isn’t easy. Especially when you’re pretty much on your own trying to do it. And maybe working as a stripper isn’t the best but you’re doing what you can with the hand you were dealt. So when a cute new bartender starts working at your club you’re not quite sure if he’ll make your life easier or harder, but you’re willing to find out- within reason of course.

***

You can think of several things that would be more fun than what you're doing right now, grocery shopping, but it needs to be done otherwise you can't put food on the table for you and your daughter. It's been almost two weeks since her asthma attack but so far, she hasn't had another one yet. Her inhaler still goes with you wherever you take her, and at home it sits in her bedside drawer. Besides the little plastic device you now carry around for her, things have basically returned to normal. Your surprised you haven't gotten any questions from Taehyung since it happened but, you haven't been seeing him much in the last week or so anyway. Right now Athena's having a play date with Minji at Jin's house. You were kind of hesitant to let her go, but ultimately it wasn't fair for your fears of her having an attack to stop her from enjoying her time with her friends so you let her go, making sure to tell Jin about her condition and inhaler. Muttering to yourself the things on your list as you make your way through the spices and seasonings in one isle you don't even notice the familiar face approaching you until you nearly run into him.

"Oh sorry." You mutter without looking.

"Are you alright y/n?" He says almost amused by your seemingly distracted behavior.

"Oh, Taehyung? Hi." You say finally looking away from the wall of spices.

"Hi there." He smiles, "what are you looking for so intensely?" He asks.

"Ah actually I have a few things on my list from this wall." You mutter as you toss a couple different items in your basket.

"How's Athena by the way? Is she doing alright?" He asks after a moment.

"Ah, she's fine. No attacks yet since that one and she has an inhaler now so, all good for now." You explain with a small smile.

"That's good. I'm glad, you seemed super worried." He says.

"Yeah. I was, kinda terrified." You say. When another silence rolls between the both of you, you make a move to leave, "anyway, have a good day Taehyung. I'll see you around." You tell him.

"Hey y/n?" He calls as you walk away.

"Yeah?" You turn back.

"Would you, maybe wanna grab lunch with me tomorrow?" He asks.

"What for?" You ask.

"We don't talk much outside of work. Since I walk you home from work every night I figured maybe we should, you know, hang out a couple times and maybe, actually get to know each other." He says with a shrug. You bite your lip as you weigh your options, you're certain you should say no to this offer and yet, when you open your mouth to decline,

"Sure. There's a cafe not to far from here. We can meet there at say, 2:30?" You look at him.

"Seriously?" He says. He's clearly shocked by your reply. Admittedly so are you.

"Yeah, it's only lunch." You shrug.

"Alright. Cool. I'll meet you then." He says with a smile. You tell him the name of the cafe just before turning the corner to the next isle. You aren't sure what agreeing to lunch with him is going to mean, if anything, but you can't help the small smile the graces your face as you finish your shopping.

~

The next morning Yoongi comes strolling into your kitchen as per usual for breakfast.

"Good morning y/n. Good morning Athena." He says taking a seat at the island.

"Good morning Yoongi." The two of you reply together.

"I hate it when you two do that." He scrunches up is face.

"Then maybe don't say good morning to us at the same time." You chuckle setting a plate down in front of him.

"Oh hush." He rolls his eyes at you. Athena just giggles at the both of you.

"Yoons do you mind watching Athena for a couple hours this afternoon?" You ask him as you lean against the counter top with your breakfast.

"What for?" He asks as he eats. You lower your voice a little as you say the next part.

"Taehyung, my coworker, asked me to lunch yesterday." You tell him.

"Oh? And you agreed?" He asks.

"Yeah I can't even tell you why." You shake your head, "but I did agree. So will you watch her?"

"Of course I will. Enjoy your date." He winks.

"That is not what this is." You scold him.

"Sure sure." He waves you off. You roll your eyes but continue eating your breakfast without any more protests. You walk into the quaint little cafe at 2:30 on the dot, spotting Taehyung seated at a table already.

"Hi! Am I late?" You ask as you take the seat across from him.

"Ah no, I just overestimated the time it'd take me to get here so I was a little early." He smiles, "what would you like to eat?" He asks pointing at the menu up by the cash register. You take a minute to look over it before deciding on what to get.

"Have you already decided on what you want?" You ask him.

"Sure have." He nods.

"Okay then let's go order." You say.

"No no tell me what you want and I'll get it. My treat." He says before you can stand up.

"Ah you don't have to Taehyung." You shake your head.

"I asked you to lunch, I'd like to treat you." He insists. With a sigh you tell him what you planned to order and he offers you a smile before going over to order your lunches. You feel a little strange just waiting for him to return with your food. Unsure of how to pass the time you decide to do what anyone else would do in this day and age, take out your phone. You're not very active on social media, careful to keep your internet presence low for a number of reasons, but you do check it every once in a while to see what's going on in the social world.

It doesn't take long for Taehyung to return with your food, and surprisingly you fall into conversation easily with him. You try to let him do most of the talking, asking him questions about himself to keep the conversation off your own life. You manage to get by without having to talk much about Athena or your family luckily and it's nearly two hours later when the two of you finally part ways. When you walk into your apartment Yoongi is instantly asking you questions.

"What took so long? How was it? Was it awkward? Where did you to go? Did he walk you home?"

"Yoongi stop." You say cutting off his stream of teasing questions, "one question at a time." You tell him walking into the kitchen to grab some water. Yoongi follows after you.

"Where did you go?" He asks.

"That little cafe near the park." You say.

"How did it go? Was it awkward?"

"It went well actually. We got along, better than I thought. We managed to talk for nearly two hours so it definitely wasn't awkward. He was very sweet, even bought my lunch, he insisted on buying lunch actually. I made him do most of the talking though. Kept it off Athena and my family. Overall pretty great lunch." You explain.

"Dude it totally sounds like you went on a date."

"It wasn't a date." You tell him.

"But you like him." Yoongi says.

"Not the way you're implying I do, he's a nice guy though." You shrug.

"Hmm I dunno y/n. Sounds like a date to me. Sounds like you might be crushing on him too. And I know you better than anyone."

"Yoongi." You deadpan.

"Are you going out with him again?" He asks.

"We didn't make plans to hang out again. I'll probably just see him at work." You say with a shrug.

"I think you guys are cute." Yoongi says.

"I didn't ask you that Yoongi." You say with a smile.

"I know. Just saying." He shrugs returning to the living room where Athena is coloring.

"You can leave now!" You call at him, rolling your eyes at your troublesome best friend.

"Yeah I know. I think I'll just stick around till you leave for work." He says. You toss your now empty bottle of water in the trash before joining him on the couch. The rest of your afternoon is peacefully uneventful and before you know it you're putting Athena to bed and then you're off to work.

You wave at Taehyung who spots you as you walk through the crowded club to your usual backstage spot. You get ready, do your performance, and as per usual, spend the rest of the night serving drinks. At this point your shifts are practically mechanical, like a schedule that you've repeated so often you don't even have to think about it as the hours tick by. Like always, when your shift ends you change back into your normal clothes and wait for Taehyung out on a bar stool. You're only sitting for five minutes or so when he comes jogging out the back room like he does ever night to walk you home.

"How was your night?" You ask him as the two of you walk. You always try to engage in light conversation on these walks, otherwise it feels awkward and sometimes tense, at least to you. You're more comfortable starting a conversation with him now after your animated lunch earlier that day.

"Ah it was alright, busier than usual I think. I'm pretty sure there was a bachelor party there tonight." He says.

"There was! Bunny was working with them." You tell him.

"Oh was she? No wonder she didn't stage tonight."

"Yeah, she said they were pretty nice for a group of drunks commemorating their pal's wedding."

"Are bachelor parties usually rowdier?"

"They can get pretty out of hand. Especially with the more drinks they get." You shrug.

"Fair enough," he shrugs, "how did your night go?" He asks.

"Pretty good. Nothing out of the ordinary happened." You shrug. He hums in acknowledgement of your statement. Your conversation ends there, silence rolling over the two of you as you continue the walk to your apartment. It's not an uncomfortable silence, so you don't feel compelled to fill it. When the two of you reach your building you turn to thank him as usual but before you can do so he speaks,

"We should, hang out again, some time." He says. You pause for a moment before replying.

"Yeah, I had fun at lunch today. I wouldn't be against doing something like that again." You offer in response. He chuckles a little at your wording.

"How about tomorrow? Or Wednesday, if you're busy. There's a restaurant I'd like to show you." He says.

"I can probably do tomorrow. What time and where are we meeting?"

"I'll meet you right here at, 3 o'clock." He says.

"Oh- okay. I'll see you then." You tell him.

"Cool. Goodnight y/n." He smiles turning to walk away.

"Goodnight Taehyung." You call after him. Before disappearing around the corner like he usually does, he turns back and offers you another small wave and a smile, which you return before heading up to your apartment.

"Someone's in a good mood." Yoongi teases, noticing the slight smile on your face as you walk into the living room.

"I'm a tad confused if I'm being honest actually." You mutter.

"Confused by what?" He asks.

"Taehyung asked me to lunch again tomorrow." You says.

"Are you sure these aren't dates y/n?" Yoongi asks.

"He hasn't said anything about them being dates so I have no reason to believe they are." You defend yourself, "I'm only confused by his sudden interest in spending time with me." You say.

"I'm telling you that boy has a crush on you y/n." Yoongi insists.

"You don't know that."

"There's evidence staring you in the face you silly girl."

"Man it is way too late for this shit. Go home Yoongi." You shoo him towards the front door with a light laugh, "oh will you-"

"Watch Athena while you go on your little date? Sure. What time do you need me?"

"He's meeting me downstairs at 3 o'clock."

"Gotcha, I'll be here by 2:45." He says.

"Thank you." You say as he walks into his apartment. He shoots you a thumbs up before closing his door, prompting you to do the same. You take your usual quick shower before crawling into bed. It certainly has been a weird day but, you can't say it's been a bad one. You're actually quite happy with the events of today, you realize as you start to fall asleep. You haven't had a really good day like this in quite some time. Maybe spending time with Taehyung isn't such a bad idea, you quietly muse. It's the last thought you manage to complete before you finally fall asleep, your body more than ready for a night of rest, with the prospect of another entertaining lunch with Taehyung lingering in your mind.

***

Part 6/???

[mayadusenbery-blog]

12 questions about that article on treating chronic pain with more pain

Edited to add: Some thoughts on Invisibilia's response to the criticism:

They say the piece was about a "small subset of chronic pain sufferers": young people with the "rare condition" Amplified Musculoskeletal Pain Syndrome (AMPS). First, AMPS is not a "condition"—it's an umbrella term (one that, as far as I can tell, is not widely used outside of these type of treatment programs). According to Hoffart, it covers “juvenile fibromyalgia, complex regional pain syndrome, localized pain, neuropathic pain, central sensitization syndrome.” So it appears to cover basically any unexplained/idiopathic neuropathic or functional pain syndrome in children and teens. I do not know how the pediatric versions of these syndromes may differ in prevalence (or anything else) from the adult versions. But, collectively, the adult versions are not rare in the least. Fibromyalgia alone is estimated to affect at least 4 million people (most of them women) in the U.S.

This story was clearly framed as part of a broader exploration of "how our culture's attitude towards pain has shifted over the past fifty years" so the idea that it was just about one condition and one program and "was not meant to serve as a commentary on all chronic pain experiences" is hard to buy. Plus, this story is part of a larger conversation about chronic pain. While these particular treatment programs are extreme and rare, the basic theory that unexplained chronic pain is caused by patients focusing too much attention on their pain/"conversion” of emotional distress into physical symptoms/reinforcement through “secondary gain”/etc. is one that much of the medical community still holds.

It is not some radical new theory; it is a very old theory. More to the point, it has been the default theory until quite recently. The long history of just assuming that unexplained pain syndromes (that, not incidentally, mostly affect women) are psychogenic or fabricated and, consequently, not scientifically researching them and dismissing sufferers as “malingerers, liars and hysterics” has had implications for our understanding of chronic pain in general. And how we understand what is now variously called "amplified" or "centralized" pain has implications for many, if not all, people with chronic pain.

I am not against interdisciplinary pain treatment programs. I'm not against behavioral pain management techniques. I am certainly not against incorporating psychotherapy into any pain management approach.

I am against pretending we understand what is happening in "the mind" when what we really mean is that we don't understand what is happening in the body. I am against accepting unfalsifiable and highly implausible theories by default instead of doing actual science. I'm against treating patients on the basis of those unproven theories with unbelievably little regard for the potential harm to them if we are wrong.

Original post:

I don’t know what questions the journalists asked the experts in this NPR story about programs that treat unexplained chronic pain conditions in kids by forcing them “to push their bodies until they are in tons of pain” in order to retrain their brains to ignore pain.

But these are the questions I would have asked them:

1) What evaluations do patients undergo before the program to determine that there isn't an undiagnosed condition or injury that explains their pain? Literally, what lab tests and imaging is ordered? How many specialists have independently reviewed their case? How sure are you (as a percentage) that you have ruled out every possible underlying cause of the pain before accepting a patient into your program? 2) Your program is based on the theory that the pain persists because patients focus on it. But what is your theory for how the pain begins? How do you explain experiences like Devyn's in which the pain began suddenly out of the blue?

3) There are many pain experts who believe that what you call "amplified pain" is indeed caused by an amplification of the pain processing system but is due to sensitization at the level of neuron, not mediated by psychological factors like attentional focus. What evidence specifically convinces you that your theory is the more likely one? And what evidence would convince you that your theory is incorrect? Is your theory falsifiable?

4) You theorize that the pain is an expression of emotional distress in kids who are "not in touch with their feelings" and "don't have the sophisticated emotional skills they need to manage in an increasingly stressful world." Given that girls are generally more emotionally intelligent and in touch with their feelings than boys, what is your explanation for why girls are disproportionately affected by these pain syndromes? And if your theory about the root cause of the pain is correct, wouldn't the factor that explains the gender difference then need to be something nearly universal—like, say, sex-based genetic or hormonal differences—to produce such a marked gender imbalance in the opposite direction? And if that’s the case, wouldn’t that suggest that biological factors play a more important role than your theory allows for? 5) Many other experts in what you call amplified pain recommend exercise because of its physiological effect on the pain processing system. What makes you believe that any benefit from your program is due to the experience of pain and not the direct effect of the exercise itself? Have you done a study in which one control group got the exercise only (or the exercise, therapy, and breathing exercises) but without the focus on ignoring the pain? 6) Similarly, learning to distract yourself or even disassociate from the pain is a common way of coping with pain, both acute pain and chronic pain explained by an underlying disease or injury. Have you done a study in which you put patients with "explained" chronic pain conditions (say, rheumatoid arthritis patients) through the same treatment program? If patients with "explained" chronic pain report comparable reductions in pain wouldn't that suggest that what you are offering is not a treatment of the root cause of the pain but simply a (very unpleasant) way of teaching patients some pain coping skills? 7) Your program is rooted in a belief that you should not give more attention to patients' pain complaints. An asthma attack and a nosebleed are not pain complaints. What possible justification was there to ignore these problems in Devyn? 8) Upon completion of your program, what training do you provide to patients and their parents about how to differentiate between their existing pain, which they are instructed to ignore, and new pain complaints that may be a warning sign of an unrelated potentially life-threatening medical problem? 9) How did you get permission to implement this treatment program if the approach has never been proven safe and effective in large controlled studies? Do you inform patients and their parents of the untested, experimental nature of the program?

10) You believe that the alarmingly high and rising rates of chronic pain in the US are caused by the fact that American society has "focused way too much attention on aggressively relieving pain" and our medical system "asks patients to rate their pain on a scale of 1 to 10, and treats it like an emergency." How does this theory square with the overwhelming amount of evidence that pain is frequently undertreated in the US medical system, physicians get little training on pain management, and most continue to see pain as a diagnostic clue and not a problem in and of itself?

11) As our understanding of the neurobiology of pain has gotten progressively more sophisticated over the decades, many other previously inexplicable aspects of pain that we resorted to explaining in psychological terms have become explained in physiological ones (for example, phantom limb pain). Doesn’t this history give you pause about the wisdom of resorting to psychological theories for pain that is currently “unexplained”?

12) You clearly believe wholeheartedly that your theory is correct. What if you are wrong?