#and Data loves him with every line of program available

[risingchaos]

Daily reminder that Data glows to Geordi. That Data has an identifier no other being Geordi is in contact with has.

I wonder if it makes Data easy to spot in a crowd. If Geordi always finds himself naturally drifting towards him because he’s just.. right there. Always gold. A steady beat that doesn’t dim, that he can find with such simplicity because he stands out in the best way to him. Because everyone else is shadowed and vague and he has to carefully remember which impressionistic idea of a human is which, and Data’s ever present consistency brings him to his side time and time again. How Data is so special in so many ways, and his aura is just one more thing that makes him near perfect to Geordi.

[ninjathrowingstork]

Blade Runner: Bitter Water

The end of the beginning! I'm still working on part 2, the main show, but enjoy the pain.

And it's terrible and fascinating just how replaceable K is, and this universe is so complex and big and I just wanna play around with that 80s Japan-phobia trop-ey ness and how stuff could have really developed in that world over the past decades and I may have watched that Youtube video on why you kill gods in JRPGs several times and some bits of his case are inspired by that.

Anyhow.

Before that dusty farm and the tree, before the wooden horse and the questions that would tear his world apart, before Rick and Ana and Joi and the dream of being real and being loved, KD6-3.7 began his life as a Blade Runner alone. Caught between the programming coded into his cells and the other officers in the Department, he was alone and aware of how expendable his life was, until one other human in the LAPD stepped in, showing the replicant that maybe, maybe he could learn to find a way to live in the harsh world where he'd been placed.

______________________________________________________________

Chapter 4.

“And she came this way every Tuesday, correct?” 

“Yes, sir. I tracked down several witnesses who saw the woman regularly on her errands.” No mention of the one witness who’d fled, or of the one retiring he’d performed on the case, that was all in his files. 

Standing at attention in the Lieutenant’s office, he let his eyes rest on a spot just above his Madame’s head as he gave the report. Answering, but not looking at the three other figures in the room, two men and a woman, all in matching dark business suits that gave no trace of identity except saying dangerous and expensive. The suit on his left, one of the men, was flipping through the folder he’d been ordered to turn over as soon as he’d entered the meeting. All  four of the seated humans were staring at him as  he gave the report. 

“Did you find how long the replicant woman had been making this trip, officer?” 

“At least a year.” He’d had to go from a few people in the smaller stores who’d worked in the locations that long, as well as surveillance files, and he told them so. “CCTV cameras caught most of the route between the family’s building and the shops, and enough hard-cached archives I could pull from to verify the pattern of behavior. There were several breaks over the year, but all these coincided with either road work or occasions when the family might have been busy and her presence required.” 

The woman glanced up from reading the file her colleague held, clearing her throat in what sounded like disapproval. “I believe you were made aware of the parameters of this investigation?” 

“Yes, ma’am.�� His voice was calm, emotionless, and efficient in his own ears. “I made no efforts to contact the family or launch any investigation into them or their actions. All information on possible movements, I have estimated based on holidays observed in the city as well as in Japan, and around notable events a young lady in the social circle the  family would likely travel in would need her replicant assistant for. All information found from publicly available sources, of course.” 

The woman nodded in recognition, but still didn’t seem pleased. “Very well. Continue.” 

He quickly retold how the look into possible escape routes the woman may have used had proved fruitless so he changed the line of inquiry to an examination of the route itself. “Due to time elapsed, a number of the surveillance systems along the route, both standard cameras and pedestrian-monitoring advertisement systems had limited archives of the days preceding the disappearance. 

“But I thought you said the cameras-”:

“There were sufficient recordings to track the past year, but specific points in the route were missing data. Sir,” he added. Cutting off the man on his right pushed the boundaries of his protocols for addressing authorities, but the risky move demonstrated his confidence in the investigation, in his own capabilities. He might have hoped. 

The man humphed, one eyebrow raised. 

“Obtaining all the archives took time, but eventually I did get all the remaining copies and could compile my timeline and the route the woman habitually took. It’s all in my report,”  with the smallest shifting of muscles, he nodded at the file the two suits were following along from. “On the day of the disappearance, I followed the sequence of recordings as she passed - the file for that day is also contained in the documents -  until the point on her route where I lost her. 

“Lost her? C’mon boy, stop stringing us along, who took her?” 

K didn’t bristle at the man’s tone, at the words. But he wanted to. “As you’ll find in my report, the final stretch of alley had only one camera covering it, and that was partially obscured. However, I was able to find the place where an unmarked spinner parked along the sidewalk opened, and the woman boarded, before the vehicle pulled into traffic. I lost it from there, but if you look at the picture in the report-” again, the slightest tilt of his head indicated the folder now held by the woman, “you can see she wasn’t in the vehicle alone, and there appears to be no coercion or threat used on her, and neither of them was restrained.” Just because they weren’t  visibly handcuffed, though, didn’t mean there wasn’t something else, invisible, that had the two held captive. He would know. 

Wordlessly, the woman lifted the  zoomed-in image, holding it where her colleague could see. He, too, examined it in silence, before the woman passed it across Joshi’s desk to their companion. 

“Huh, well that answers that,” the man, possibly the oldest of the three, he guessed, studied the picture. 

Behind them, the Lieutenant watched in silence, expression unreadable even to his eyes. 

“And what about the spinner, where did it go from there?” The first man looked  back up from the folder. 

This was it, the  point where he’d run out of leads and time, the point  that might mean that he, as well as his investigation, was out of time and would be brought to a close in turn. “It pulled out of the street and turned into the thoroughfare, and surveillance cameras lost it from there. I’ve put in a request to run the I.D. plates and for transit to check if it got pinged by any traffic monitors, but as of yet, they haven’t returned any new material for leads.                           

For a few long seconds, the only sounds in the room were the shifting of pages as the two continued to study the case file, passing pictures and documents back and forth, and the pattering of rain on the reinforced glass window. Finally, all his records and research was returned to the folder, the man closing it with a snap. As though on cue, all three stood at once. 

“I trust you are satisfied with our progress?” Joshi finally spoke, fingers steepled and elbows propped on her desk. 

It was the woman who turned to speak first. “We are, lieutenant. All information seems to be as complete as we require and I believe my colleagues are in agreement on our stance with this affair.” 

“And Lieutenant,” it was the gruff, older man, “I trust that nothing about  this case will be spoken of outside of here, the family wishes the affair to stay a private one. Understand?.”

“Understood. You can trust the Department’s discretion.” It was subtle enough that only he could tell the slight edge of ice in Joshi’s voice at the man’s speech.  

“Any information not in the file must be deleted, and any new findings forwarded to our offices, Lieutenant. No one else needs to come nosing around the case.” The file with his work for the past week was tucked under the suit’s arm as the man turned away, speaking to the Lieutenant in turn. 

It was as though he had been dismissed from their interest, left to stand with hands behind his back, in the middle of the floor. He hadn’t been ordered to leave, but they’d finished with his report, and with him. The dismissal might have stung, it might have heightened his awareness of the power these anonymous three had, that at a word from any one of the trio he’d be lucky to walk out of this room, much less ever leave the precinct building alive again. But. But it didn’t hurt, and he’d always known how expendable his life was. 

“Your department has been of great service to our offices,” the woman spoke again. “We will be handling any further investigations into the matter in-house. As we discussed, the agreed upon sum will be transferred to your offices, in consideration.” With a few, civil words, they made their departure from the office, the door closing behind them. 

This was it. They were finished with their use of him. He could be disposed of, as a last loose end in the mysterious case, the last trace of the investigation cleared away, up to the Lieutenant’s desk. 

She stared at him now, levelly, across folded fingers. “Well, K, they were satisfied with your investigations. Good work.” 

It took all the heightened stress-response wiring in his nerves to recover in barely the blink of an eye as it felt like the floor had dropped out from under his boots. “Ma’am?” 

The Madame had already looked away, riffling through papers on her desk. “I know it was a difficult case, with the timeline provided and restrictions you had on the work, but they liked your work. You’ll receive an extra bonus, directly from the family, like the man said.” 

Oh. Oh. That had been for him. They’d ignored his presence in the room, even while agreeing to his bonus. But he’d get to live another day. 

“You can pick up the bonus on your way out.” 

And like that, he’d been dismissed. The case was still unresolved, but it was out of his hands, and he’d been granted his life, as well as the promised bonus.  “Yes, ma’am.” He’d turned to go, when her voice brought him up short again. 

“And K?” 

“Ma’am?” Turning in the doorway, he looked back at the seated woman. 

“Having to work with corporate suits is always a pain in the neck. You did well, for your first case having to put up with those assholes.” 

“Thank you, ma’am.” It was an odd compliment, but he’d take it. 

“Good boy.” 

It felt like his heart was beating in his throat as he walked down the hallways to the cashier’s desk. There was a strange numbness in his fingertips, almost tingling. He was still alive. He hadn’t expected that morning he’d ever leave that office without his death sentence being read to him. But he was alive, for now. 

The bonus was. . . substantial. For a moment, he thought the cashier had made a mistake. The offices  of an international kairetsu paid well. 

As he walked through the bullpen, heading out towards the street, he glanced at the dispatch desk - please be there please look up again- he almost - almost dared to hope, but- 

There was another officer there. He wasn’t disappointed.  That would have required any expectation  to begin with, and as a detective again now, Flint had no reason to come back to see if he’d lived through the morning. But she hadn’t been there. He’d seen Nguyen and Roark down a hallway, and the one man of Walter’s gang he’d passed had only scowled at him. He was alive still, and it appeared the woman he’d almost considered a friend had done just enough  that he could walk the hallways of the LAPD precinct house unmolested. He was as alone as he’d been a week and a half ago, but at the least, now the danger inside the station was substantially less than what he faced on the streets in his work day to day. 

Alone, he  hunched into his coat, heading through the crowds on the rainy street. On his right was a familiar doorway, the tea shop where he’d been led by a flash of orange hair and the flare of a blue coat. He didn’t stop. 

Instead, trying not to think of a conversation held under the glowing pink lights of an advertisement, he took the bonus he’d been given - alongside his own continued existence - and purchased a basic JOI setup. Having had someone to talk to, he’d felt a little more real for a few, precious hours. You learn to live, she’d told him. 

He didn’t talk to Flint after that, though. A few times, he’d spot her in the precinct, now in plainclothes and sometimes in the company of another detective. She’d been more serious, the severe cut of her dark jacket standing out  across the corridor. Once, she’d been arguing with Joshi again, but she never  turned to  see him, or speak with him again. 

And he lived, and killed, and went home to a small, bare apartment that felt a little less empty now. And soon, nearly a year had passed when an investigation took him out into the old valley with a farm and a dead tree, and everything changed. 

<- Chapter 3.

[bigheartedsky]

O3

Pairings: Hoseok x Reader; slight coworker!Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Fluff; Angst

Word Count: 13.9k+

Warnings: mentions of panic attacks

Summary: Fifty years ago, your government decided that, due to the high rate of people suffering from loneliness, the O3-project shall be introduced to your country. The goal of this project was to reduce the years people spent trying and failing to find their perfect partner and making it possible for them to sit back and relax while they find it for them instead. You are one of the youngest Implementers of the One and Only Office yet and you love your job more and more everyday. But a new case has you doubting everything you do because nothing seems to add up. Why are you so attracted to the person you’re supposed to connect with their perfect partner and what does your coworker Namjoon have to do with all of this?

[a/n: This story is the one I’ve put the most effort in so far thinking carefully of how I want the story to develop and choosing to go with a slow burn love story this time. I hope you enjoy the story and thanks to the lovely @yeontanismypresident​ for beta reading again and for leaving such a sweet message at the end with her opinion <3 Now here are some side informations you might need for the story:

Finder = Job; runs data on people through the system and finds the couples meant for each other; they create the data files needed by the Implementers to do their job

Implementer = Job; gets in contact with the couples and manages meetings between them to make them get together

One = one of the couple; this is what you call the partner of the couple in front of you or yourself in this context

Only = one of the couple; this is what you call the most of the time not present partner of the couple especially when talking about him/her/it

Have fun reading!]

Masterlist

“Fifty years ago, our government decided that, due to the high rate of people suffering from loneliness, the O3-project shall be introduced to our country. The goal of this project was to reduce the years people spent trying and failing to find their perfect partner and making it possible for them to sit back and relax while we find it for them instead. Our department developed a system, with the help of Professor Kim, that runs through all available data on every single living person in this country and matches them together with an accuracy of 100% to this day. We never had any mistakes in our work, which is remarkable. Our systems get updated regularly, and we’ve grown from a four-people-team to a team made of over 5.000 people. But I don’t want to get into the detail of all our achievements which I’ve seen with my own eyes over all these years – there were many just saying – and let you all get to the buffet and celebrate our 50 years anniversary. A toast to our great department! To One and Only Office!”

“To One and Only Office,” everyone replied, including you, and raised their glasses to your boss. When the office got introduced, he was only 25 years old, fresh out of university, and still wet behind his ears just like you were now. Fifty years went by, and now he was 75 years old and almost done working his shift of this life. He still had a youthful glint in his eyes whenever he had one of his crazy new inventions in mind.

A few minutes later, you saw him coming up to you.

“How is my youngest Implementer?” he asked you with a friendly grin. You just started to grin back at him.

“She’s gonna miss you badly. Do you really have to go?” you questioned with a sad look on your face. He just laughed heartily and rubbed your shoulders comfortingly.

“You’re going to survive without me. You’re smarter than me anyways, or why do you think I forced you into university? Someone has to come up with new ideas when I’m gone. Besides, I’ve worked my fair share already. Let me have some peace and quiet before I go for good.” Winking at you, he let out another laugh.

“I’m never gonna live up to that crazy mind of yours. I might as well quit right here and now.”

“And who’s gonna save my ass when I forget where I left my data files again?” Another voice joined into your conversations. You felt a hand on your hip and pressed your lips together in a thin line.

“How about you’d stop putting them down in random places, Namjoon?” you asked while gently removing his hand from your hip and taking a small step away from him. Turning to face both of them instead of just your old boss, you took a sip of your drink and rolled with your eyes smiling.

“I’m not doing it on purpose! It just happens.” He complained in a pouty voice. You sighed, laughing a little while excusing yourself from the conversation to finally get some of the good food they ordered. You thanked your boss silently when he engaged Namjoon in another conversation about his recent ideas so that he couldn’t follow you. You didn’t hate Namjoon, but sometimes his attitude towards you was just too much for you. Today was one of the days where you just couldn’t handle his attempts to flirt with you.

The next morning you checked your emails as per usual. Your work inbox included some data files of people you had to get in contact with, as well as a notification that an appointment was today at 3PM. You went over to your private inbox since there was nothing unusual in your work inbox, and you still had some time until work started. You put your kettle on the stove to make yourself a tea and worked your way through your private emails. Everything was normal until one of the emails caught your eye.

“Huh? That’s from work, but why did they send that to my private email?” confused but ensured that it’s just a mistake since they have both of your email addresses you opened the mail.

What’s up with this?

Your eyebrows furrowed even more, showing a deep crease in between them. Instead of the usual text, the email contained a random variation of numbers, letters, and punctuation characters. You rubbed your eyes for a second just to make sure that it wasn’t your eyesight acting up.

“This is a first… I better tell the IT department about that.” Making yourself some notes in your work calendar for the day, you finished your breakfast and made your way to the office.

After telling the IT department your concerns with the email you got, they assured you they’d look into it and keep you updated. Taking and giving one call after the other, you sat at your desk for hours, managing appointments for the next few weeks and going through the data the Finders gave you. Noticing the same bug on one of the data files as the one on the email you got this morning, you took the file and went over to the Finder department. Going through rows and rows of desks with computers and paper piles on them high enough to suffocate you if they would ever tip over, you searched for the Finder of this data file. You went to the department head Kim Seokjin to ask him about it first.

“Oh, that’s Namjoon’s case. He should be at his desk right now. But good that you found that. Would be a ton of work if this happened more often. We can print it out again for you. Might be our first little bug in the system right there.” Upon hearing the Finder’s name you sigh deeply, not sure if you were up to talk with him today, but you pulled yourself together immediately and thanked him for the help. You found Namjoons desk quickly, him being taller than anyone else in this office. He seemed focused on his work, typing away, and checking the papers to his left and right over and over. You’ve never seen him work at his desk before, and it almost shocked you how serious he seemed.

“Namjoon?” you asked very cautiously, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden for disturbing him at work.

“One second. I just need to finish these so that I can read them into the system and run the analysis.” He said, not even looking up from his work. It took a few more minutes before he tapped on his keyboard one last time and turned to you, satisfied with his work. Noticing now that it was you who called him made his whole attitude change a little.

“Y/N. What gives me the honor? Are you finally accepting my offer of lunch together?” You rolled your eyes, smiling a little, and put one hand on your hips, shifting your weight on one foot.

“The computer already said that you and I don’t match at all. You should know that better than everyone else since you ran the analysis on it. What was it again? 5% compatibility?”

“Okay, okay, I got it. You don’t have to sugarcoat your hatred for me. How can I help you?” He replied, acting deeply hurt with a very sarcastic undertone. Although his grin didn’t falter a bit the whole time, he turned a little more serious at the end.

“I’m here because of the data file on Jung Hoseok. I don’t know what happened with this, but I can barely read any information except for his Only and his address.”

Namjoon took the file out of your hand, and within one second, his grin turned into a frown. “What the hell… I remember exactly that I wrote everything down in the system. Why is it all gibberish now?”

“I don’t know, but I was hoping you could print it out for me directly from the program? Maybe the internal emailing has a bug.”

“Sure, just one second.” He turned towards his computer, typing away on the keyboard, and just a few seconds later, you could already hear the printer running. Namjoon got up and took the paper out of his printer. Checking it over one more time, his eyebrows furrowed again. “Strange…”

“What’s strange?” you asked, immediately going to look at the paper in his hand.

“The analysis is missing.” He was right. The whole paragraph on their compatibility was missing, but at least now it had all information on the persons themselves.

“That is strange. But this will be enough to get in contact with him and his Only for now. Can you tell Seokjin about this? I need to get ready for an appointment and also call this fellow.” You asked Namjoon.

“Only if you eat lunch with me together tomorrow. Just as friends, of course.” He grinned, which made you laugh a little.

“I have a lunch appointment tomorrow. Sorry, but how about Friday?” he let out a breathy laugh, sighing a little at the end.

“Sure. Friday then.”

“Okay. And just so you know, I don’t hate you.” A smile formed on his lips, although he tried to hide it, revealing his dimples. You gave him a playful shove and said your goodbye without even noticing the way he watched you walk away.

“Hello, here is One and Only Office Implementer Y/N Y/L/N. Am I speaking with Jung Hoseok?” Driving home in your car after the afternoon appointment, you called him on speaker. There was a short pause, followed by a loud crash on the other end of the call and a hurried reply.

“Yes! Yes, hey. I’m Jung Hoseok.” His voice sounded friendly and intoxicatingly happy. It had a soothing undertone to it.

“Mr. Jung, we found your Only, and I would like to make an appointment to talk about the next steps with you in person. When would be the right time for you?”

“Wow. Um- this is amazing. Sorry, I’m a little bit overwhelmed. I’ve been waiting for this moment since I was a little boy.” You couldn’t help the smile spreading on your face. His reaction was too cute, making you giggle a little. You pulled yourself together immediately again.

What the hell was that? Something that unprofessional never happened to me. I just giggled at a client! How embarrassing.

“Sorry, um- I didn’t mean to laugh. Your reaction was just too cute-“ WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?!

You heard a hearty laugh at the other end of the phone.

“It’s alright. I’ll make time whenever you are available.” He replied, still laughing a little. Hearing his laugh made you blush without even noticing and laugh a little again too.

“How about tomorrow evening? 6PM?”

“Okay, it’s a date.” He replied cheerfully. Out of nowhere, your heart started beating like crazy. Making your goodbye as quickly as possible, you ended the call and stopped driving at the side of the road for a moment catching your breath.

What’s wrong with my heart? Is this a panic attack? It doesn’t feel like usual.

You tried all sorts of breathing exercises until your heart stopped beating so fast. Only when your heartbeat was back to normal, you started driving again.

Back home, you changed into your workout gear, taking your bag, and going to your weekly dance practice. You weren’t the best dancer, but you weren’t bad either. Nothing you could make money with, but doing it made you happy for sure. You loved your job, so you didn’t have a real eagerness to become a fulltime dancer anyways. On top of this was your best friend in the same team as you. You greeted her with a warm hug and sat down on the ground next to her starting to stretch together. After exchanging some updates about your week, she started showing you videos of this dancer she found on the internet just recently.

“He’s seriously amazing. His technique and precision on the music is out of this world. He’s my new idol, I swear.” She talked excitedly about him, pointing out the details of every choreography.

“Wow, he’s really good. What’s his name?”

“He goes by J-Hope, but no one knows his real name. He’s been going to a lot of competitions with his team and solo. He’s really lowkey on his social media, never giving any hints about his personal information.” Your friend stated sulkily.

“You already stalked his socials?” You scoffed, laughing a little.

“You know me.” She grinned back at you, getting up shortly after because practice started.

“Okay we’re gonna work on positions for the next dance performance today. Let’s see. We’re gonna make a triangle formation for the beginning. Y/N, you’ll come to the front.” Your dance coach instructed you, and you started walking to the front, hearing some whispered words along the way.

“Why is she always at the front?” – “I know, she’s not even that good.” – “Yeah.” – “Maybe she has a thing with the teacher?”

Swallowing hard, you tried to ignore their whispered comments, only focusing on what the coach has to say. You wouldn’t give them the favor of letting your true feelings show. The truth was that you always doubted your skills, and if it wasn’t for your best friend being here, you wouldn’t have the courage to come to practice in the first place.

Half an hour of just going through the positions and formations for the show passed until you practiced with music for the first time. Your best friend was dancing right next to you in the formation when she suddenly crash-landed on the floor, screaming and wincing in pain. The music was cut off immediately, and one of your teammates crouched next to your friend, asking her if she was alright.

“Y/N shoved her! I saw it with my own eyes. She wouldn’t even let her best friend be with her in the spotlight.” One of the girls from before suddenly exclaimed. You wanted to rush to your best friend, but the sudden accusations that now started coming from all the other girls caught you off-guard. Your whole body was starting to shake, eyes never leaving your friend who was clutching her leg with an expression twisted with pain. The coach went to your friend immediately, lifting her up and declaring practice was over for today and that he would bring her to the hospital. You were frozen in place, still shocked by everything that happened. Tears stung in your eyes, making you close them tightly. You started to move with closed eyes, shoving the girls that were still accusing you and now cornering you against the mirrored wall, to the side to take your bag and run out the door.

Throwing your bag on the passenger seat, you wasted no time to drive home, getting all sorts of flashbacks from high school. Your heart started racing, and your breath got more and more flat, forcing you to stop the car at the side of a road and get out to catch some fresh air. Going to the passenger side, you pulled the door open violently, not caring if anything broke, and searched for your medication in the glove compartment. Your hands were shaking and sweating like crazy, eyes slowly starting to get hazy, and the all too familiar feeling of dizziness setting in when you finally found your medicine. You quickly swallowed one of the pills and sat down on the grass next to your car until the medication set in. Sighing deeply, you let yourself fall back onto the grass, staring at the night sky where a few more stars glistened than in the center of the city where you lived.

The next day you received a call from your best friend. She wouldn’t be able to attend dance practice for a while because of her leg, and as far as she knew at that moment, she might even have to skip the performance. Your heart sank at that. Even though you knew you didn’t push her, you still felt guilty for not helping her immediately.

“I’m sorry how everything went yesterday. I didn’t know what to do, and then everyone started blaming me, and I don’t know.”

“Hey, Y/N. Don’t go blaming yourself as those idiots did. I know it wasn’t your fault. No one pushed me, I actually tripped over something although I don’t know what exactly. I’m sorry I couldn’t say anything at that time. Did you struggle a lot?” your best friend asked and proved to you again just how well she knew you.

“I’m okay. I just worry about you.” You answered although the aftermath of last night was clearly visible on your face. Your dark under-eye circles would even make a panda jealous and would need a lot of makeup to cover up later.

“Y/N…” your insightful friend knew you weren’t okay, but all you cared about was for her to get better soon.

“I have to go to work now. Please get well soon. Bye!” You hung up the phone before she could probe how you were really doing.

The day went by quickly with a lot of calls and appointments to do, and before you even realized it, your last appointment for the day was right around the corner. Walking up to the café he wanted to meet at, you kept watch for anyone who looked like he was waiting for someone. Since the data files were so messed up the picture that you would usually use to identify the client was barely visible. Walking around the café, you finally found a man sitting alone with his back to you. His style and overall appearance seemed like it could fit the age written on your papers so you made your way over to him.

“Mr. Jung Hoseok?” you asked politely, trying to look at his face while he was turning around with a sudden jump.

“Oh my god, you almost gave me a heart attack!” he exclaimed, downright scared, but then his whole expression changed when his eyes met yours. It felt like your eyes were drawn to his, not being able to stop staring into them. Hearing a loud noise, you both jolted out of your starring match and into reality.

“I’m sorry. Um- I-I’m Y/N Y/L/N, from the One and Only Office. Nice to meet you in person, Mr. Jung.” You held out your hand to greet him, and when he took your hand your whole body felt like electricity went through it, making you pull your hand away in shock.

“Sorry, I guess I must’ve become staticky somehow.” He answered and started grinning from ear to ear. “Hoseok is fine by the way. Can I call you Y/N?” You just nodded, feeling the heat in your cheeks.

What’s wrong with me? Am I coming down with something? I feel so hot.

“Let’s get started, shall we?” You suggested, and took a seat across from him at the square table you were at.

“So, there has been some kind of problem with our system. Your analysis is not on here right now, but since the computer put your names together in the first place, I can tell you for sure that this is your Only.” You explained, pushing the details of his Only to him. He looked at the data intently, reading through everything while his brows knitted together in confusion. You took the opportunity to really look at all his features for the first time. His face had very gentle features, but his eyes seemed like they could change from kind to intimidating in the split of a second. Something about him seemed so very familiar to you, but you just couldn’t pinpoint what it was. It almost drove you into madness.

While reading through the interests and character of his Only his head tilted to the side almost seeming confused and unsure. He put down the papers, folding his hands together and intertwining his fingers. His elbows were resting on the table while his eyes were still looking at the data.

“This is really strange. I always thought… Well, don’t get me wrong I trust you completely but, I always thought my Only would have more in common with me.” Confusion was now not only visible on his face but also on yours.

“Do you mean you have nothing in common with that person?”

“Well not nothing but… it’s just very minor things that we have in common.”

“Hm, maybe it’s one of those opposites attract situations?” you suggested in hope to be right. With every passing minute you spend working on Jung Hoseok’s case it gets weirder and weirder.

“Hm, yea. Maybe you’re right.” Smiling a little again, his eyes met yours again, but there was something in them that bothered you. Disappointment? Sadness?

“I’m sorry if I’m crossing boundaries here but, you seem a little displeased by what I showed you, Hoseok.” Your eyes filled with worry while he started looking away slightly embarrassed.

“I guess I just expected more. Maybe also just someone that was more…” his gaze went swiftly over all of your features. “My type.”

You felt your cheeks heating up again.

Did he just check me out? Nah, I must be imagining things.

Clearing your throat, you took the data files back and stored them in your back.

“I’ll tell you as soon as I make an appointment to meet with your Only. Until then, feel free to contact me if you have any further questions regarding the O3 program. Since your Only lives in Busan, we’ll be driving you down there and make sure you have a safe trip and a place to stay there.” You explained to him getting ready to leave. When you got up, he also got up abruptly almost knocking over his chair.

“Will you be the one driving with me?” he asked you with his eyes full of solicitation. He seemed nervous because of the first meeting you assumed.

“It’s not the custom for an Implementer to accompany the One to their Only…” you tried to talk yourself out of it, but the way he was looking at you like a sad puppy made you crumble immediately.

“But… of course, I could ask if they could make an exception and let me go with you. If that makes you more comfortable.” His lips started forming a heart-shaped smile even spreading to his eyes.

“It would make me much more comfortable. I’m looking forward to seeing you again soon.” He simply answered, holding his hand out for a last handshake with you. You took his hand, and again there was this feeling of electricity going through your body, but this time he didn’t let you pull away, holding your hand a little longer than expected. You parted ways shortly after that, but it felt different from your usual appointments. Something was different about this, and you felt like it wasn’t just all the bugs in the system.

The next day, you called Hoseok’s Only to make an appointment with her. Highly confused after that conversation, but still coming out of it with an appointment to make them meet for the first time, you hung up the call.

This gets weirder and weirder.

After thinking for what felt like a few hours about it, you started making your way over to the Finder Department again – more specifically Namjoon’s desk. This time he already noticed your approach from afar.

“My most favorite Implementer. Are you longing for meeting me that much lately? I’ve been seeing you almost every day. Not that I’m complaining, I really love it.” He grinned his charming dimpled grin from ear to ear at you. You leaned against his desk, half sitting on it while looking into the distance still thinking. His expression started changing when you didn’t reply anything to him, eyebrows now knitted with concern.

“You okay?” The joking sound had left his voice completely when he saw how serious you were.

“Yeah. I am. It’s just… you remember that case I got? The Jung Hoseok one?” he nodded hesitatingly. “Well, I met with Hoseok and he was… highly confused because his Only sounded like it wouldn’t match at all.”

“But we had people before who were complete opposites and they worked out just fine.” Namjoon started reasoning, eyes still soft and filled with concern completely fixated on your figure.

“Yeah, I told him that too. But something about this just doesn’t feel right. Like all those bugs that only appeared in this case and then his Only also seemed completely disappointed when I told her who her partner is. This is making me doubt this case more and more so I just have to ask you.” You turned your head to look Namjoon right into the eyes.

“Was there anything suspicious happening while you were working on this case? Did really nothing go wrong or did a server crash and mix up the people? Systems aren’t always perfect so I gotta ask.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but I can’t say I have seen anything weird with it while working on it…” His eyes went back to the screen midway through the sentence making you look down at your shoes.

“Okay, thanks anyways.” Getting up you pushed yourself off his desk a little. “See you Friday at lunch.” A smile that you knew wasn’t showing in your eyes formed on your lips and with a last small wave you went back to your desk for the rest of the day.

It had been two weeks since you last saw Hoseok, and you couldn’t feel more nervous. You didn’t even understand why you were feeling like that in the first place. He was just a client after all. But still, you took two hours to put together an outfit and spent an extra 30 minutes to do your hair too which you usually wouldn’t.

You drove to the place he wanted you to pick him up from, with the car you would both drive to Busan in. Your luggage was packed away carefully so that there was still enough space for his stuff in the back of the car, and although you weren’t the biggest fan of driving long distances you were still excited for it.

Parking the car, you held in front of a tall building with a whole front made of windows. You double checked the address before you made your way in going straight for the front desk.

“Good Morning, my name is Y/N Y/L/N, and I’m from One and Only Office. I’m here to meet with Jung Hoseok.” You explained politely.

“Let me see.” The receptionist moved her finger down a long list before she stopped at one line. “Ah, here it is. Y/N Y/L/N. Mr. Jung is still at practice in room 1.03. It’s on the first floor to your left, the third door. He allowed me to tell you to just go in when you arrive.”

“Thank you.” You smiled at her before you started moving towards the room. When you stood right in front of the room you could hear music coming from the inside. It sounded as if you were underwater only the bass rang out to you until you opened up the door. What you saw inside made your jaw drop immediately. Hoseok was dancing with four other guys in absolute synchronicity and finally it hit you where you saw him before. You heard your best friends voice loud and clear in your head even with the music hitting your ears.

“He goes by J-Hope, but no one knows his real name. He’s been going to a lot of competitions with his team and solo. He’s really lowkey on his social media, never giving any hints about his personal information.”

He is J-Hope… Jung Hoseok… J-Hope… Jung equals J and Hoseok equals Hope. Wow, I could’ve guessed that.

The sudden quiet when the music turned off made you jolt out of your thoughts.

“Y/N!” You heard an excited voice call out to you. A sense of joy spread throughout your body immediately, making you smile.

“Nice to see you again, Hoseok. Are you ready for the trip?”

“Oh, that’s Y/N? Wow we heard a lot about – uff” the sentence by one of the younger looking boys was caught off by the one next to him hitting him with his elbow in the stomach. You looked at them questioningly, but still smiling.

“He meant we heard a lot about Hoseok’s Only and your great work with that.” Another one with very broad shoulders answered for him.

“Ah. I don’t do half of the work that gets put in a case.” You explained quickly with a little laugh. Hearing the door open behind you again you stepped aside to let the person get in. A boy that looked like he was in the same age span as the one that got hit met your eye, and started smiling a square smile at you.

“Oh! You must be Hoseok’s Only! Wow, you’re really exactly his type. Do you dance too? That would be awesome you guys could do couple choreographies!”

“I-I do but I’m not-“

“You do?? That’s so cool! Did you hear that Hoseok hyung? She dances, too! Why do you have such a strange look on your face?”

“Taehyung, she’s not his Only.” The one with the broad shoulders explained to Taehyung who was still standing in front of you, and now looking at you pouting.

“You sure?” He asked sulkily, and it made your heart almost explode when you started thinking of the possibility of you being Hoseok’s Only.

“I think we should really get going!” Hoseok suddenly declared when Taehyung opened his mouth to continue voicing all of his doubts. Being pushed out of the room in a rush, you only had a second to say goodbye before you and Hoseok were alone in the hallway.

“Shall I take one of the bags?” You offered up, but he quickly took his backpack and luggage before you could.

“Don’t worry. I’m strong.” He answered, smirking and winking at you, making you blush. You looked away immediately, and picked up a faster pace walking in front of him now so he wouldn’t notice your expression.

“Okay, then let’s get going. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us.”

You were driving in silence sitting next to each other, not sure whether the two of you should start up a conversation or not. Hoseok was sitting in the passenger’s seat, wearing a simple white oversized shirt tucked into ripped jeans he switched into after practice. His gaze was set on the scenery out his window with one arm leaning on the door below it. You sneaked a few glances at him while driving, feeling your eyes drawn to him whenever you stopped looking.

Eyes on the road, Y/N. Don’t want any accidents on the job. You can stare at him lat- OMG no you can’t stare at him at all. You’re bringing him to his Only and THAT’S IT!

Lecturing yourself in your head nonstop, you jumped a little when the music suddenly turned on making you drive in a slight curve for a second.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you. I just thought some music would be nice.” Hoseok apologized to you.

“It’s okay… Just warn me next time.” You replied, laughing a little. You started relaxing a little while he selected the music on his phone that he connected with the car speakers. Tapping on the steering wheel, you started humming and singing to all the songs you knew, which were a lot on his playlist, and every song you didn’t know you loved nonetheless.

“I’m surprised that you know this band.” You heard Hoseoks voice over the music.

“They are amazing. I actually went to their concert last year and it was the best concert I’ve been to so far.” You got excited all over again just talking about the concert and seeing the memories replay in your head.

“How cool, I was there too! Did you go to the one in Seoul?” Nodding and humming as a yes, you kept your eyes on the road for safety. “Can’t believe I didn’t see you there.”

“Well, there were thousands of people so the chance that we’ve crossed paths is very small. And even if we crossed paths, we could’ve still just ignored each other.” You answered trying to suppress the increasing heartbeat of yours.

“I don’t think I could’ve ignored you.” His voice was just loud enough for you to hear. It was almost just a mumble as if he wasn’t sure whether or not he should say it. Your eyes glanced at him. He was looking out the side window, chin leaning on his hand, and slightly looking like he was mad about something. Opening your mouth to ask what was wrong, your thought got interrupted by a beeping sound of your car. You looked down at the fuel gage noticing that it needed a refill so you took a turn at the next sign for a gas station. Done with paying for the refill, you headed back out to the car where Hoseok was waiting for you when someone approached you quickly.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry if this is weird but you kind of captured my attention and I just thought maybe I could give it a shot and just ask for your number?” the man in front of you didn’t look bad, and his approach didn’t offend you in the slightest, but you just didn’t feel like giving your number out.

“I’m sorry, I don’t give out my number.” You replied politely. “But I admire your courage.” With that you started walking towards your car again, but you couldn’t even take two steps before he was in front of you again.

“Why not? I promise it won’t be a waste of your time.”

“I’m really sorry.” You replied again still with a polite smile.

“Aw, come on. I can offer you a lot.” He grabbed your arm when you started walking past him again.

“Please let go of me.” You tried to push his hand off you, but he wouldn’t budge.

“I’m just asking for a chance.”

“And she’s asking you to let her go.” You suddenly heard another voice behind you. Turning your head to the side you saw Hoseok now next to you. In one swift movement, he removed the hand of the man from your arm, and took your hand in his to pull you with him.

“Let’s go.” He simply said while walking to the car. Your eyes were fixated on his face, but the only thing you could make out from this angle was his tense jaw. Opening the passenger door, he pushed you gently inside before making his way to the driver door.

“Keys.” Hoseok looked at you while holding out his hand.

“Hoseok, is everything okay?”

“I should be asking you that. Why didn’t you call out to me?” He looked into your eyes clearly mad.

“He was just a little bit persistent… He didn’t hurt me or anything and I’m sure he-“

“You’re sure he what? Would’ve let you go? I know those types of guys. He wouldn’t have given up so easily if I wouldn’t have gone to get you.”

“It wasn’t that big of a deal, Hoseok. This happens to every women once in a while and I-“

“But you’re not every woman!” he suddenly yelled at you making you jump and look at him in surprise but, it just took you one moment to get yourself back together.

“What am I then, huh?” you asked back provokingly.

“You’re- You’re a person I don’t want to get hurt.” Every bit of anger that you had left in your body suddenly vanished with this sentence from him. You were speechless, and looked into his eyes which weren’t angry anymore as well. A loud honking sound brought you both back to the real world where a few cars were already waiting for you to make space at the gas station.

“W-We should get going…” you said, still a little bit shy while he nodded. He lifted one hand out of the car as an apology to the people behind you while he started driving back on the road.

… Wait a minute

“Why are you driving now anyways?” you asked him a few minutes later, and he just started laughing suddenly.

“You just noticed??”

A few hours later ,you arrived at your hotel in Busan. Your office really didn’t do things by half-measures. The room – or better called a suite – you two lived in had two bedrooms, a small living room, a kitchen area to eat and make late night snacks, and a huge bathroom.

“Wow, I should ask if I can go along more often.” You simply stated while going inside the suite. Hoseok dropped his bags, mouth hanging wide open. Suddenly he ran to one of the bedrooms just to jump on the bed with arms and legs spread widely like a starfish. Your eyes followed him with the sudden movement making you laugh immediately.

“This is great!” He exclaimed, sitting himself up to look at you again. “What’s next on our plan? Dinner? Karaoke Bar? Or maybe we could go dancing?”

“Those all sound great but we actually have an appointment to meet with your Only in an hour. Just enough time to get ready after that long drive.” You explained watching his expression change from excited to sulky.

I’ve never seen a client be so unhappy to meet his Only.

A smile started spreading on his face again, but it didn’t seem as excited as before.

“Okay, let’s get ready.” he said, before jumping up and getting his stuff to put on something nice. You did the same in the other bedroom, changing into your usual work outfit – with just a little more care than usual.

Ding – Dong –

The doorbell sound rang through your ears for a moment. Hoseok was standing next to you, wearing a nice button-down shirt and black trousers. He was looking way too good for your taste which somehow made you feel uneasy about the meeting. You were confused by your own feelings, but at least you were able to convince him to fully button up his shirt instead of leaving the first few buttons open – which had him looking even better before.

With a squeak the door opened up and behind stood a young lady, maybe five or so years younger than you. She had short black hair and wore a headband to keep it behind her ears.

“Hello, you must be Miss Y/L/N, I’m Lee Jisu.” the girl introduced herself shaking your hand and then looking at Hoseok.

“Nice to meet you in person, Miss Lee. If I may introduce you two: this is Jung Hoseok. Your partner. Hoseok, this is Lee Jisu, your Only.” You introduced them both, and with a smile on their face they greeted each other properly but something was different from the other people you brought together.

There is no visible spark… Maybe I’ve been watching too many romance movies but usually when I meet the couple later, they’re so head over heels for each other. Maybe it needs some time?

“Shall we go inside?” Jisu asked, getting your attention back.

“Yea, let’s go.” Hoseok replied, taking the first steps inside. You stood outside, knowing that your part was done for today, and wanting to head back to the hotel. Turning around, you were surprised to suddenly feel a hand on your wrist.

“Where are you going?” When you looked up to the person holding you it was Hoseok’s face meeting you with an almost panicked expression. You looked at him in confusion.

“I’m going back to the hotel. You two need to get to know each other, and I’ll be in the way if I stay. I only got the instructions to bring you here and observe the development of the next few days.” Explaining the situation how you were taught at the office, you noticed his struggle to come up with an answer. In the end, he just let go of your wrist without another word.

“Okay, I’ll see you later tonight then.” With these words he turned around and went inside. You didn’t move a muscle until the door was shut feeling like you’re about to lose something dear to you. Taking all the willpower you got, you forced yourself to turn away and go back to the hotel.

You were exhausted. Your whole body was screaming at you being too tired to do anything anymore after getting ready for bed. All fours spread widely on the bed – mimicking Hoseok’s position when he jumped on the bed earlier – you stared at the ceiling. You looked to the wall where a big clock was hung.

“AARRGGHH How is it past midnight already?? Why can’t I sleep???” You took a pillow to scream into while kicking the bed underneath you.

“Y/N are you okay?!” His panicked voice made you sit up, immediately hiding your legs – you were wearing a pair of really short pajama shorts – with the pillow you used to scream into just now.

“Hoseok, you’re back?” Your face was bright red while you tried playing cool in front of him.

“Yea, and I thought I heard you screaming so I came to look if everything was okay…” He looked a little more relaxed now that he knew that you were okay, but judging from his messy hair and slightly unbuttoned shirt you thought he must’ve been in the middle of changing before running to you.

“I’m okay. I just had troubles falling asleep and got frustrated.” You explained bluntly honest to your own surprise. It was just too easy for you to open up to him.

“Oh, hang on a second. I’ll be right back.” Hoseok replied after thinking for a second. After he left your room you took the time to hide your lower body under the blanket leaning yourself on the headboard. After a few minutes had passed, he came back wearing  jogger pants and a sweater as pjs and carrying two mugs.

“Here you go.” He said while holding one of the mugs out to you. “I didn’t know if you are lactose intolerant so I used the lactose free milk. This always helps me sleep. My mum gave me the recipe.” His smile was proud and contagious making you smile a little too.

“Thank you.” You replied, really meaning it while he sat down at the edge of the bed still facing you. “Are you close to your mum?”

“Very much. I just wish I had more time to spend with her. Work is keeping me busy. I’m gonna make it up to her though. Once I saved up enough money, I’m gonna buy her and my dad a nice little restaurant where she can show everyone what an amazing cook she is. You know her Kimbap is the best I’ve ever eaten, you need to try-“ his eyes looked up at you smiling heartwarming at him because he looked so happy talking about his mum. He cleared his throat looking at you apologetically.

“Sorry for rambling on like that.” He simply said and lifted his mug to drink some of the milk.

“No worries really! I actually enjoyed it. I’m close to my family too so I can understand.” You replied, giving him a small smile that he returned. The atmosphere changed between the two you, making you feel a little restless and strangely hot.

“So, uh, how was the date?” He almost choked on his warm milk when you asked him, making you lean forward and pat his back with a worried look while he started coughing.

“I- … It was okay. She’s nice. Very polite. Called me Mr. Jung the whole time.” He laughed a little. “I don’t know about this…”

“Maybe you guys need more time together. You’ll meet again tomorrow anyways so I’m just gonna leave you guys to it again.”

Why am I so happy that it went badly? This is my job, and if it goes badly it would mean that we made a mistake for the first time. That’s a huge deal.

He nodded, looking at the wall in front of him.

“Say, do you have an Only yet?” Now it was your turn to almost choke on the milk, but at least you didn’t have to cough.

“No, I don’t. Everyone always jokes I’m gonna stay a One forever.” A smile was tugging on his lips.

“And what do you think about that?” he asked, referring to the “One forever” part.

“Well, I was starting to believe it too.” You laughed a little. “And I thought I’d be fine with that.”

“Why the past tense?” His eyes looked straight into yours, no joking whatsoever visible anymore. It made you forget all the punchlines you’d usually say in those situations and just stare into his eyes until you couldn’t handle it anymore and looked away.

“I don’t know. I guess something changed.” He hummed accepting that answer for now, but you could see the smirk on his lips.

“So, after lunch we’re going to meet with Jisu again and you two will have another date to get to know each other better. Everything clear so far?” Hoseok nodded while drinking the last bit of his Sprite before he was done with his meal. After you paid for the lunch with the company card you both made your way over to Lee Jisu’s home where you were greeted with a very unsettling sight.

“A police car…” Hoseok stated, looking at Jisu’s mother talking to a police officer with worry in her face.

“Did something happen yesterday?” you asked Hoseok, but he just shook his head looking just as worried and confused as you. You parked the car and left it together to ask what was going on.

“She has short straight black hair and was wearing a blue t-shirt and jeans. I- I think she took the white converse shoes because I can’t find them anywhere but- Oh, Miss Y/L/N. I’m so sorry I forgot to call you.” Jisus mother greeted you immediately when she saw you interrupting her explanation to the officer.

“Call me? I’m sorry but may I ask what happened Mrs. Lee?” you asked with confusion.

“Jisu ran away.” She sighed. “She’s nowhere to be found and I think it’s because I forced her to do the Only meeting and I’m-“ tears were starting to run down her face, and it looked like it wasn’t the first time today. You immediately searched for a tissue to give to her, but Hoseok was even faster than you holding it out for her.

“Thank you, Hoseok.” Jisus mother said, taking the tissue.

They already seem so close… you tried to suppress the frown building on your face.

“She ran away? What do you mean by forcing her to meet her Only?”

“Well, you see. Before you called to tell her that you found her Only, she was convinced that Seok Jo – the boy living in the village nearby – was her Only. She was waiting for the day that the office confirmed it for her so the two of them could finally get married. I always told her that it might not be him but she-“ Mrs. Lee started sobbing again, interrupting herself.

She already has someone she loves that much? No wonder she was so cold towards me during the call and so distant to Hoseok.

Your eyes searched for Hoseok reading his expression that was fixated on Jisu’s mother.

“Do you have any clue where she could be? Friends or family nearby?” You asked, looking at Mrs. Lee again. She just shook her head.

“Seok Jo doesn’t answer his phone and I know he might be sleeping because he worked late yesterday, but I don’t want to leave the house in case she comes back. My husband already started driving to our family to look for her there. But…”

We need to do something. We can’t just wait and see what happens.

“We can go and look for her at Seok Jo’s place.” Hoseok suddenly said, making your eyes draw to him in surprise, but your expression changed quickly to thankfulness. Looking back at Mrs. Lee you nodded at her.

“We just need his address and we’ll handle it.” You added, and Mrs. Lee hugged you both before she went inside to get the address.

You were restless. This case was getting so complicated, and you just felt like there was something horribly wrong with it. Your eyes drifted to Hoseok who was driving with his eyes forward looking all tense himself.

There must’ve been a mistake at the office. It can’t be anything else. I just don’t know what else could cause such a mess. This all just doesn’t make sense! Should I tell him my doubts? What will he think of me once I tell him? He will hate me for sure. But if I don’t tell him and it really was a mistake the office made; he’ll hate me for not telling him my doubts. What should I do? What-

“You okay?” Hoseok suddenly asked with his eyes on you for a second. You didn’t even notice how long you stared at him, eyes full of worry.

“Actually, no.” your eyes darted away dancing around the area. “I’m not okay. I feel like I’m getting sick to be honest.” Heartbeat increasing with every second, you felt a panic attack growing inside of you. Hands sweaty, breathing shallow, and your mind all hazy you lost yourself in all the doubts and self-destroying thoughts in your mind.

“Y/N?” You could feel Hoseok’s hand on yours, his voice full of worry, but it seemed all so far away like you were underwater.

“Please stop the car!” Was the only thing you were able to get out of your mouth, and he did exactly that, immediately stopping on a country road in the middle of two fields. You fidgeted with the door of the car struggling to get it open in your state since it wasn’t like your own car. You heard a loud bang, and a second later, Hoseok was on your side of the car opening the door and getting you out. He sat you down on the grass next to the road and crouched right in front of you.

“Y/N. Y/N, look at me.” He told you with a calm voice, still holding your hand with one hand, and using the other to direct your head so you looked at him. “Copy me. Breath in. Hold your breath. Good. 3… 2… 1… breath out. Now repeat with me.”

You copied his breathing and listened to every instruction he gave you. Slowly, your heartbeat was decreasing again, palms becoming dry, and head coming back out of its hazy state.

“You’re doing great. Just a few more times.” You just now noticed that his hand holding onto yours was checking your pulse while doing the exercise. “Okay. You’re okay. I’m here.” This was the moment you broke. Your arms swung around his neck, hugging him tightly, and he hugged you back, immediately dropping his knees to the ground to not fall over with you. His hand started stroking the back of your head comfortingly while you started sobbing silently.

You let go of him after a while, wiping away your tears which he helped you with by gently rubbing a tissue under your eyes. His eyes were full of warmth and comfort when you looked at them, which had you laughing a little, still affected by the panic attack you just had though.

“Don’t look at me like I’m a poor lost puppy you just found.” You joked a little, shoving against his shoulder gently. You felt exhausted from the panic attack, but not as bad as usual when you had to take the meds to get it away.

“Oh, you’re not?” He grinned, making you hit him against his chest a few times. “Ouch, ouch, ouch, sorry I take it back! I surrender!” He declared with his hands held high. Once you smiled at him and declared peace, he got up and held out his hands for you.

“Come on. We should talk to Seok Jo. And don’t worry, we’re going to find Jisu. You’ll be alright and back at your office in no time. So, just trust me. We’ll find my Only.” He smiled comfortingly while pulling you up on your legs.

“Yea, uhm well you see that’s exactly it. I think-“ Your sentence was interrupted by a loud honk making you both look in the direction you came from. A large tractor was standing there waiting for you to get driving since he couldn’t get past you. You both apologized to him and got in the car before anythingelse could be said.

“So… do you get these panic attacks often?” he asked carefully, trying to not touch a sensitive topic. You laughed a little.

“Smooth. But yea I do get them sometimes.”

“How come? If I may ask.”

“It’s okay. I’ve been struggling with social anxiety for a while now. It started in high school because of a whole lot of ugly bullying – don’t want to get into detail with that right now – but now I also get affected by stress. If I feel overwhelmed or socially pressured, I get them. It’s really annoying and frustrating but I can’t change it.”

“Socially pressured? How so?” he asked in the most careful and sensitive voice he could.

“Well, for example last time at dance practice. My best friend fell and hurt herself and everyone said I pushed her – which I didn’t. They were angry because I got the front position in our first formation in the choreography. And I just couldn’t handle all the blaming so I ran out and yea…”

“That sounds really mean. Why would they do that? If I would’ve been there with you, I would’ve told them off for good! They would never even dare to do that again to you!” Hoseok got angrier and angrier, explaining how he would’ve dealt with them if he would’ve been there which made you laugh at some point.

I’ve never told this to anyone except for very close family and friends. It’s way too easy to talk to Hoseok. I feel so at ease with him.

The door swung open after an eternity of ringing the bell.

“Mrs. Song, if it’s because of the apple tree I was going to cut it later toda- Who are you?” A very sleepy looking young man stood in front of you two, eyes closed when he opened the door and still dressed in pjs and a dressing gown.

“Sorry that we woke you up. Are you Seok Jo?” You asked politely, and the man in front of you nodded still suspicious. “You see, I’m Y/N Y/L/N from the O3 office. This is Jung Hoseok. He is listed as the Only of Miss Lee Jisu.”

This made the attitude of the guy in front of you change completely. Before you could even react, he had Hoseok grabbed at his collar, even lifting him up from the ground a little.

“So, you are the asshole that tries to steal away my Jisu? Let me tell you this. I WON’T let some townie like you just walk in here and take what belongs to me! Jisu is MY fiancé and I won’t accept this stupid agreement made by some company!” he yelled at Hoseok who just held onto the wrists of Seok Jo to keep himself in control somehow. You stepped in between them, quickly pushing Seok Jo away gently which he complied to letting go of Hoseok in the process.

“Please, Mr. Seok Jo! We’re not here because of the O3 agreement. We came here to find Jisu.” You explained quickly which again made him change his attitude.

“Find Jisu? What do you mean by that?”

“She ran away. Her mother said that she forced her into meeting with Hoseok – I mean – Mr. Jung and it seems like she is not pleased by the idea of being with her Only too much. We don’t want to force her into anything she doesn’t want. We’re not monsters, we just want people to be happy with each other. So, can you help us find her? I think something went terribly wrong here, and we need to fix this.” You could feel Hoseok’s piercing glance at you when you said the last sentence.

“O-Of course. Let me just get my shoes and keys and I’ll be right with you.” Seok Jo said rushed while stumbling back inside to put on his shoes, hitting himself on a shoe cabinet cursing in the process.

“You know.” Hoseok suddenly started speaking. “They really fit together.”

You looked at him trying to figure out what he was thinking while he said that, but since you didn’t get a big impression of Jisu you decided to trust his judgement and throw away your doubts.

A few hours of driving to every place Seok Jo thought Jisu could be passed, and to be honest, the whole situation was looking rather bleak. You took a short break to grab something to eat, stopping at one of the few convenience stores nearby.

“Where could she be..?” You mumbled while taking a bite from your sandwich.

“Is there really no other place you guys liked to go? If I was in her shoes, I would want to go somewhere only my love knows. A place with a big meaning to us.” Hoseok said bluntly while looking at his reflection in the window of the convenience store. Hearing a silent thud next to you, your eyes went to Seok Jo who just let his sandwich slide through his fingers.

“I think I know where she is.” He suddenly said, and you immediately grabbed your keys taking the sandwich with you to finish on the way instead.

“Then let’s go! It’s already getting really dark.” You declared, and the two of them just nodded and jogged out to the car. It was an hour-long drive to a far-off part of the beach in Busan. You had to leave the village where they lived and drive through the whole town before you found it. Without Seok Jo with you, you would’ve never found the way there. You parked the car and searched in the trunk for a few emergency flashlights. You gave each of them one and took one for yourself too.

“Okay, I’m not sure in which direction she could be so I’m going to walk along this side and you guys take the other one. If any of us finds her we call immediately, okay?” Seok Jo explained turning on his flashlight to search for Jisu at this pitch-black beach. You both nodded before parting ways with Seok Jo. You were grateful that Hoseok was staying with you since you didn’t like the dark at all. Although you couldn’t deny that the stars out here were really stunning.

“Jisu! Jisu are you here! Please answer if you hear us!” you called out every few steps just as Hoseok did too. You were searching for an hour already when it suddenly started pouring down.

“Shit! Let’s go find something to take cover.” Hoseok called out to you.

You started running to try and find some space free from rain when you found a small wooden cabin standing open at the back of the beach. It was just a storage space for the life guards but it didn’t seem like it was used often. You ran inside to get out of the rain already completely wet. Groaning in frustration and desperation, you leaned yourself on an old wooden broken desk that looked like it stood in an office at some point.

“This is hopeless!” you called out. “We’re never gonna find her. Especially not in a city we barely know.”

“Calm down, Y/N. It’s going to be fine. We’re going to find her and-“

“And what? Make you and her be together? Or make Seok Jo and her be accepted by her mother? Both seem impossible to me at the moment and do you know what that means? It means that I failed. My Office failed for the first time and this will kill our reputation. How are we going to explain that? This is our ruin!”

“It won’t be your ruin! It’s just one case that was wrong. ONE of how many?” Hoseok asked you, smiling a little while holding onto your shoulders gently. You let yourself slide down the desk until you were sitting on the floor, arms around your legs and back against the desk. He sat down beside you, sliding one arm around your shoulder comfortingly.

“4.376.938….” you mumbled quietly.

“See, it won’t ruin the office. And you can find the mistake and repair it so this won’t be happening again.” Hoseok was stroking your arm with his hand, and you just nodded at him.

“Yes, I’m just so sorry you have to go through all this trouble. And that Jisu is somewhere out there just because we made a mistake, in this rain, alone at that! I just- ugh” you tried hiding your face in your hands, but he wouldn’t let you, making you face him instead.

“Hey, it’s not your fault. Don’t go blaming yourself for this. And I actually like this trouble. Well, as long as I’m in trouble with you.” Your eyes softened just as his when he said that.

I don’t know anyone I would like to be in trouble with more than him.

And there it was. The moment you knew was going to happen as soon as your eyes met his for the first time. The moment you’ve been trying to avoid at all cost. He was leaning towards you, and within a mere second his lips were on yours, gently and feeling like it lasted only a few seconds. You both savored these few seconds like they were the only ones you ever had together. Opening your eyes slowly at the same time, your eyes met again. His hand wandered into your hair wanting to pull you in for another kiss when you suddenly heard a noise from the back of the cabin. Both of you turned your head towards it when you saw a figure opening the door of a room behind you. Grabbing your flashlight quickly you pointed it in the direction.

“Who’s there??” Hoseok asked, trying to seem intimidating if it was someone dangerous. But it wasn’t anyone like that.

“Jisu?” you asked quickly getting up and running over to her.

“Miss Y/L/N.” Jisu looked at you surprised. She was limping a little holding onto the doorframe and reaching out to you when you came near. You immediately held onto her to keep her steady.

“What happened to your leg? Come on, sit down.” You helped her over to the desk together with Hoseok who lifted her up on it to sit. While he checked on her leg you took out your phone ready to call Seok Jo.

“How did you find me?” Jisu asked while wincing when Hoseok found the spot that hurt.

“Seok Jo showed us. He searched with us all day to find you.” Hoseok explained while you called Seok Jo.

“Seok Jo? Is he here too?” Jisus eyes were glistening with hope and worry at the same time when she heard his name.

“He’s on his way.” You replied to her smiling after you hung up the call. “God, I’m so glad that we found you.” A hand spread on your shoulder squeezing it comfortingly.

“I am too.” Hoseok said standing to your left behind you. Jisu looked at you both with a look you couldn’t quite understand before she started smiling a little.

She seems happier than I thought about this situation. I thought she would try to escape from us again.

Seok Jo came running over to the cabin as soon as you told him that you found her. With his pjs and dressing gown completely soaked he stormed in the cabin. When he saw Jisu he immediately went to her and hugged her tightly. Tears were forming in his eyes while he continued to lecture her to never do that again.

“I just didn’t know what to do. Mr. Jung and I just don’t fit and I know that he felt that way just like I did. The only one I love is you. I’m really sorry, Miss Y/L/N, but Seok Jo is my Only no matter what everyone else wants to tell me. I’m convinced of that!” Jisu stated, trying her best to be brave and make her standpoint clear.

“Don’t worry, Jisu. I’ve already told Hoseok that I think something went wrong in the office. I’m going to go back and investigate the matter before telling you what really happened. I’m convinced too now that you and Hoseok just aren’t partners. I mean, I’ve been in this business for quite a while and when I look at you and Seok Jo I see the same as when my clients meet usually. So, how about we go back to your mother and explain the whole situation to her? I’m sure she’s still awake.” You explained, and could visibly see them both relax and exchange looks in between.  

“Oh god, my mother! She will kill me.” Jisu said suddenly, with her face full of worry. You all just had to laugh at that, trying to convince her that her mother will just be happy having her back home. After this, you made your way back to the car once the rain wasn’t too heavy anymore. Seok Jo was carrying his fiancé all the way like a princess which made you realize just how strong he must be from all the farm work he was doing. The two of them talked quietly with each other the whole way, walking in front of you since you didn’t know the way back to the car anymore. Hoseok was walking right next to you and at some point his hand found yours holding onto it softly. Your heart started beating faster, and again, it was like electricity was running through your whole body. You looked at him even though you could barely make out the silhouette of his face in the darkness.

No, this isn’t right. Even if he might not be Jisu’s Only, he will be someone else’s at some point. I can’t just toss all of my principles out of the window. I don’t want to go back to failed relationships anymore. As long as the computer won’t spit out who my Only is, I’ll be alone. Once I’m back at the office I’ll fix his case, and will have to make him meet up with his real Only. I can’t handle this.

Pulling your hand away softly, you took a small step to the side to bring some space in-between you. You held onto your hand in front of your chest while picking up the pace back to the car. Seok Jo and Jisu sat on the back seat, leaning onto each other, sleeping soundly. You looked back, smiling a little while putting a blanket on top of them. Hoseok was driving you guys back through the night of Busan, looking at you every now and then. He seemed like he had something on the tip of his tongue that he was dying to talk about, but something held him back. You tried to avoid his gaze as much as possible, but you felt his stare on you every time.

Once you arrived at Jisu’s home, her mother was so happy to have her back she even forgot to be angry about it. Both of them kept apologizing to each other, starting to take the blame for everything. You felt terrible for everything that happened, and stepped up to clear up the matter at hand. After you explained the whole thing again to Jisus mother, just like you did to them, she was angry for a short time, but quickly gave into Jisu’s and Seok Jo’s request to not blame you because it wasn’t your fault, but the systems. After a short discussion on how to proceed further, you and Hoseok finally made your way back to the hotel.

Both of you quietly went into your rooms, and you felt the awkward and tense atmosphere in the whole suite. After you both took a hot bath to warm yourselves up, you went out of your room to get something to drink. You noticed music playing in the living room and curiosity got the best of you. Hoseok was standing at the window with the back to you holding a glass of water in his hand just like you did. Instead of his usual hip hop playlist he was listening to a playlist filled with almost sad sounding music. The song playing that moment – Charlie Puths “Dangerously” – was on one of your playlists too because you related to the lyrics too much. You thought it was ironically fitting to your current situation as well.

“Hoseok?” He flinched a little at the sound of your voice over the music. Turning around, he walked up to you with a smile on his lips that wasn’t quite going to his eyes anymore. He put down your glass and his at the side before taking your hand playfully to make you dance with him.

“May I have this dance?” He asked, although you could see the worry in his eyes. You should’ve rejected him, but you wanted to do it so badly. Swaying with him while one song changed to another felt like heaven to you. It felt so right to be here with him, and you couldn’t help but laugh when he led you into crazy looking spins. He made you lean far back while supporting your lower back just to pull you back. Your forehead almost touched his when you came back up, both of you laughing a little. That was the moment your little dream bubble burst again. His hand went into your hair wanting to pull you in gently, but you pulled away.

“Please, don’t.” you said with your eyes down. A sigh left his mouth before he let go of you completely. He seemed angry, and you felt a sting in your heart when your eyes found his figure again.

“What did I do wrong? Did I do something, or say something that made you hate me all of a sudden? I thought… I thought you liked it too. I thought you liked me.” Hoseok asked you with desperation in his eyes that made your heart break.

“I do! I did. I mean… “ You sighed deeply. “Hoseok, I’m your Implementer. I’m a worker for the office that is supposed to find your perfect partner, and I’m not your perfect partner.”

“But what if you are? You said the system made a mistake so what if you are my real Only?” He took a small step closer to you again.

“That’s impossible. If I was your Only I would’ve gotten a notification all system problems aside. My name would’ve popped up somewhere and someone would’ve noticed.”

“Okay, then so what if you’re not?” He took your hands. “I want to be together with you and no one else!”

“But the computer-“

“To hell with the computer!” He suddenly screamed, making you pull your hands away from him and step back. “I-I’m sorry I didn’t want to raise my voice like that, but not everything is decided with logic, Y/N. In some moments, you just have to listen to your heart no matter how cheesy that may sound. My gut just tells me that you’re the one for me.” He took one of your hands again, but you pulled it away.

“You don’t understand this. This system is here to keep us from always trying and failing to find love. Even if we like each other now maybe in a few years we’ll hate each other, and I just can’t go through this anymore. It’s too painful!” You took a few steps back while talking.

“Y/N, please, I won’t hurt you. I could never hate you!”

“Everyone says that!”

“But I’m not everyone!”

“Who are you then, huh?!”

“I’m Jung Hoseok, and I’ve never fallen for anyone as hard as I did for you, and I know you did too!! Can you please stop denying it?!” You both were yelling at each other now.

“You can’t force me!! Just leave me alone!!!” You screamed at him, completely overwhelmed with this situation because of course he was right. You’ve never loved someone as much as you loved him, but you’ve been trusting the system and only the system for so many years that you couldn’t bring yourself to just trust your gut. You turned around and ran into your room. You just needed to get away from this situation, or else your feelings would overpower you.

“Y/N! Please, I’m sorry for yelling!” He was standing on the other side of your door. Tears started streaming down your face while you slid down the door until you sat on the ground.

“Just go away, please…” You sobbed and within seconds it was quiet. You heard his footsteps walk away from you, and you didn’t hear them come near you again for the whole night.

The next day you drove back to Seoul by yourself. Hoseok left without you in the morning, only leaving behind a small note and a bracelet that looked like the ones they sold at the village market you went by a few days earlier. You sighed, putting on the bracelet anyways since it was the only way to decrease the yearning for him in your heart a little.

A few days passed by, and you were back in your daily life working until late at night. Not having heard from Hoseok, nor having the courage to call him, you walked around like a heartbroken zombie. Even Namjoon noticed something was wrong with you when you went out for lunch together, but he didn’t ask too many questions about it which made you seek his company a lot more lately.

You were still investigating in the Jisu and Hoseok case, and everyone was informed by now that something went wrong there. Suddenly, a week after your return, your phone started ringing.

“Hey, Y/N, it’s SeokJin, could you come to the Finder department in half an hour? It’s about the Jung Hoseok case.” You heard SeokJin’s voice at the other end of the line. Your heartbeat increased immediately when you heard Hoseok’s name making you play with your bracelet.

“Have you found out what happened??” You asked while getting up immediately.

“Yes. We want to talk to you in person about this matter though. Can you come over then?”

“Sure!” You hung up before he could say anything more, and ignored the request to come in half an hour, too restless to wait even another second for the results. You rushed to the Finders department just to find the door of SeokJin’s office opened by a small gap. But you didn’t even need that gap to hear SeokJin yelling angrily at someone.

“What were you thinking?? Hacking yourself into the system just to exchange the names on the paper. Have you gone insane?! Do you know how much damage you could’ve done with this?? What is your damn reason?!”

“I don’t know… When I saw her name there I just- I didn’t think anymore. I blacked out. I didn’t want her to have an Only already…” You knew this voice, but you couldn’t believe what you heard there. You heard SeokJin sigh deeply, and when he spoke this time his voice was quieter.

“Look. Everyone knows how you feel about Y/N, but that doesn’t justify your actions. You exchanged her name for Lee Jisu who was actually partnered with her fiancé of two years. You could’ve destroyed four lives with your selfish actions, and I want you to apologize to everyone and make it right. Am I making myself clear? Just because you’re the grandson of our system developer I can’t go easy on you. This will have consequences even if you confessed yourself.” After hearing all this, your feet moved by itself taking you inside the room. SeokJin’s shocked eyes landed on you immediately followed by the culprits.

“Namjoon…you… you changed it?” His eyes darted down to the floor. He didn’t dare to look up while confirming everything. “H-Hoseok is my Only. And you knew? You erased my name and made me feel like I was crazy for doubting the computer?”

“Y-Y/N I’m so sorry. I just panicked when I saw your name there. I-I know I don’t have a chance with you, but this made it so final I just couldn’t handle it.” Namjoon explained, shaking. He seemed like a wreck, and you just couldn’t stay too angry at him. You took a deep breath to keep yourself composed.

“Is-“ you looked at SeokJin with eyes full of hope. “Is Hoseok really my Only?” SeokJin just smiled apologetically and nodded. You took in a deep breath, walked up to Namjoon and looked into his eyes. “I can’t forgive you right now. But I understand your motives, and I’m not angry at you. Just don’t force me to forgive you right now. I don’t have the strength for that yet. And honestly if I can’t fix this with Hoseok then I don’t know if I want to talk to you again. Now if you excuse me, I need to find my Only.” You turned away, but hesitated for one second turning to Namjoon one more time to give him one punch right in the stomach. He hunched over holding his stomach and started coughing just to laugh a second later.

“Okay yea I deserved that.” He simply said, while smiling in pain up at you which made your mouth corner twitch up for a second too. Next moment you were already rushing out as fast as possible calling Hoseok’s number every few minutes but he didn’t pick up. Figuring that he’s at dance practice you drove to the studio building only to be stopped at the entrance by two men and the receptionist of the front desk.

“I’m sorry but I need to see Jung Hoseok. Is he here? It’s really important!” you explained to her but she just looked at you apologetically.

“I have the instructions not to let anyone upstairs today. I’m really sorry Miss.”

“Can I at least leave a message for him? Please.” You pleaded, and although she looked a little reluctant at first, she took your message for Hoseok which you quickly wrote down on the page of this week from your work calendar and teared it out to give it to her. You hoped Hoseok would call you once he read it.

It was the same day, but later when you were on your way to dance practice. It was the first dance practice for you since your best friend got injured, and you were terrified of going inside and facing all of these people in there. You took a deep breath and with all your courage you made your way inside. You took a place in the back, too afraid of standing in front of everyone. The others were already whispering about you, and you felt your anxiety rise more and more. When the teacher came in you were a little bit relieved, but your anxiety showed in your dancing. He was very unsatisfied with you, and you were about to go out when suddenly a knock was heard on the door.

“I’m sorry I’m late but could I join your dance class for today? I’ll pay, I promise.” You couldn’t believe your eyes. It was Hoseok still in his full dance gear with his mask on looking just like he always did in his dance videos and it wasn’t just him.

“What do you mean ‘could I’ it should be ‘could we’!” You heard one of the younger ones of Hoseok’s dance team complain.

“And I told you guys to go home.” Hoseok complained while everyone came inside.

“How did you-“ You started, but he just fanned himself with your calendar page – where you also wrote down every practice and the addresses with it – winking at you.

Wow, I was unintentionally smart.

“Oh, that’s actually great. If all of you guys want to join in, we could try a partner dance today! Just go and get yourself a partner.” your instructor called out happily. He seemed thrilled to have some boys in his class for a change. Hoseok immediately took his place next to you. All the girls stared at you two and whispered his name over and over not able to believe it was the J-hope in front of them but you couldn’t care less. All that mattered was that he stood right in front of you right now.

“I’ve got my partner already.” Hoseok grinned while sliding off his mask.

“Not just partner. Your One and Only.” With your words Hoseok’s grin became even wider. He couldn’t help himself, and just hugged you tightly which you returned immediately.

“I knew it from the beginning!” He told you, sticking out his tongue at you like a child.

“I know, I know.” You rolled your eyes at him. “You’re never going to let me forget that, huh?”

“Well, at least now you know that you should always trust in my gut. It’s always right.” He grinned down at you. You both were interrupted by your teacher clearing his throat.

“Are you guys done? Now is dance class time. You have enough time to be all lovey-dovey later.” Your teacher nagged at you, but you could see that he wasn’t too serious about it.

“Yes, sir!” Hoseok replied and then leaned to whisper in your ear. “The rest of our lives should be enough time, right?” Normally you would freak at the thought of such a large commitment, but it just felt right this time. A big grin spread on your face before you replied.

“Barely.”

Masterlist

a/n: I hope you liked this quite long OS! It’s the longest one I’ve written on Tumblr so far and I was really nervous to upload it since a lot of work went into it. Share your thoughts with me if you want to! Every interaction no matter if it’s a like or a comment makes me want to keep going and reminds me of how much I love to write. Doesn’t matter how long of a pause was in between I’ll always come back because of the lovely people reminding me that I love to write <3 thank you all for reading!

[the-world-of-jo]

Perseus Gambit - A Lancer TTRPG

A story I wrote for a game I play... It won't make much sense if you don't play, but I am actually proud of this piece, so. (And it's too big to put in our discord, so. >.>)

When you realize how serious things are, you aren’t prepared. As soon as Doc gives you permission, you zip into the medical wing to snag a slate, indicating you’ll be keeping it with you for a couple of days then head to your favorite reading spot in Hydroponics. It’s there the gravity of the situation hits you, and you slump back in your seat, shocked with a feeling of helplessness washing over you.

And then you realize, you’re a geneticist. This is your wheelhouse, you *know* how to repair something like this on a cellular level. And then you’re cancelling your counseling session for that afternoon, promising to circle back with her to reschedule as you head back to the labs.

You manage to avoid her for about a month before Dr. Marchand shows up in front of you. Coincidently, you’re coming out of Noah’s quarters and it’s first thing in the morning, so you have a feeling you’ve been ratted out. You give Sparky a healthy dose of side eye, but you can’t help but spare a bit for Noah as well.

They both look way too innocent for your liking.

*_*_*

You have no fucking idea how to fix this. Not a single one.

Every sim you run comes back not only with bad results, but with *fatal* results. There are over 150,000 genes in a single human, and only 5% of them on average are coded. The Kennedy’s seem to have an additional 3%, all of those enhancing their strength, speed, sight, hearing, smell…

They were also disease resistant, so whatever was affecting Elias was almost absolutely genetic. But Doc had that much figured out.

The jarring ***”BONG”*** of another failed sim is followed in rapid succession by three more, and you sigh and close your eyes for a moment. Then, you get back to work, filing away the results and setting up new sims.

There was still time. Not a lot, but you intended to make the most of it. You ‘steal’ a few other unused computers and begin running sims on those, corralling a few sub alts to move them into what’s been coined as “Lee’s Area”. Someone even made a little paper sign and it made you chuckle.

You sat back and logged into a ninth research station, beginning to look up any new research methods or new genetic information that might have come available since you left Union Space.

It doesn’t surprise you that what you and Doc have been doing is light years beyond anything you find in published works.

*_*_*

The clock in your head is making ‘tick-tock’ noises at random times, and you know it’s an auditory hallucination, but god fucking damnit it needs to quit. You make sure to keep this away from both Drs. Marchand and Lakani, and for the most part, you succeed.

But now, signs of degradation are showing up in Noah. ***Your*** Noah.

You begin snagging more computers as they sit idle. One sub-alt has been stationed near your area for a couple of weeks now since you always seem to request him. Yes, him. You’ve named him Bruce, after Bruce Banner. It’s a nerd joke and it makes you smile, but nobody else seems to understand.

That’s okay though.

Doc tried banning you from the labs until you got some decent rest and food. And you tried, you really did, but.

In less than two hours, you were moving through the ducts, army crawling at times. You pulled a screwdriver out of your back pocket and undid the screws holding a grate in place, and moving it aside you dropped gracefully into the middle of your area.

Right in front of Doc.

Nodding at him in greeting, you pulled a sandwich and a bottle of Galaxy Dew from your backpack and set it at your research desk, then sat your butt down and resumed working. You left your slate on it’s home screen purposefully since your background was a picture of Noah holding Sparky (that you’d taken with permission).

Doc didn’t miss the gesture and instead of ordering you back out, he had Raum lift the restrictions on you and gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

You hear the doors whoosh open and in trots Sparky, a bag of granola and a bag of trailmix held in his mouth. He puts his paws on your knee and looks hopeful that his offering will be accepted. You can’t help but smile and pet him gently. “Thanks for the snacks buddy. I forgot to get dessert.”

Sparky looks quite happy as you add the baggies next to your sandwich.

You do actually eat everything.

*_*_*

Eventually though, one night, while you’re alone in the labs, the last ***”BONG”*** still fresh in your mind, you look up at the ceiling and ask Raum for help. You just need a direction, to know *where* to look. This random shooting in the dark bull shit is getting everyone nowhere and fast.

In your experience, ‘mad scientist’ types have a signature, a way they do things or a way they code things. You’ve been able to figure out which high profile geneticist has written a certain piece in journals, not by their wording but by their projects, and you can’t think of anyone more infamous than Cyrus Jacobi.

Or, as the medical world knew him - Josef Mengele.

If anyone from HA had even mentioned him, and that person had anything to do with their cloning programs, it’d at least, at the ***very least*** point you in a direction, because mad scientist types had a signature, and they liked paying homage to their heroes.

And then one day, Tane asks you “If you could have anything…”

And you tell him. You give him a laundry list of things that could assist you, and you realize if this information ever got into your hands, you’d be very very close to being arrested and tossed in the brig for *life*.

You think *Three squares a day, an actual bed to sleep on...If I handled Milaniko for ten years, I can handle that for life.*

And you wait.

***”BONG, BONG, BONG”***

The sound begins to haunt your dreams.

*_*_*

Noah is the only one who can coax you out, and he does so every day to have dinner with you and make sure you get some rest after.

The guilt gnaws at you when you slip out of bed well before your alarm goes off, and head toward the labs. But time is running out, and that fucking clock is getting louder and louder. It doesn’t matter that people are staring at you, and the fact that your clothes are pretty damn loose doesn’t matter either.

Your nutritional profile has been met each and every day thanks to protein shakes and bars, and Sparky is...suspicious. He’s not advanced enough to know you’re effectively working the system, but he knows *something* is not right. In his view, you should not be losing weight.

Well. You are. But it can be remedied once you figure this shit out.

Doc has been forcing you to take breaks, just for an hour. When your schedules align (and they do at least once a day and you know Doc is doing that on purpose and you love him for it), you spend the time with Noah in his office, grabbing a snack or dozing in one of the extra chairs.

The times you don’t line up with Noah, you head to the mech bay and straight to Beauty, always bringing an offering of donuts or some type of potato dish. Opal is kind enough to not turn you away, Beauty’s hand lowering to lift you up to the cockpit. You’re always sure to thank Beauty, then you sit next to Opal, your offering balancing on both your knee and hers.

She doesn’t question you, doesn’t make you talk, doesn’t comment when you know you’re muttering out loud. Sometimes she leans against you, her shoulder offering quiet support and those are the hardest times, when you have to clench your jaw shut to keep from openly sobbing and admitting how scared you are. How you’re not sure if you can figure this puzzle out, and as a result of your own incompetence you stand to lose not only a dear friend, but the love of your life.

You have a feeling she knows what thoughts run through your head, and you’re grateful that she doesn’t say a word. She doesn’t even comment on the tears that track down your cheeks only to fall from your chin.

You are so, so grateful for that, and you somehow draw strength from sitting with her.

It’s enough that you can head back into the lab yet again.

*_*_*

The next time the Dvorak drops out of near light, you’ve all but moved into the labs. You don’t notice the whoosh of the doors opening at first, but that’s because you’re all but actually absorbing the data on one of the doctors involved with HA cloning, who did indeed cite Jacobi as an amazing scientist.

When the sub-alt rolls up, you mistake it for Bruce, but then Raum’s voice is piped into your brain via your shunt.

A gift. From Tane.

You look at the isolated slate, then take it from the alt, thanking Raum profusely. You stare at it for a moment, the device seeming so small in your hands.

You rip the privacy screen from your own slate (and you may have actually broken the screen - Marcus will be pissed if he has to replace another one) and slap it onto the new one and begin devouring the information. There’s so much here, too much, enough that you have to ask Raum to help you sift through it all.

But...but...when he flags pages he thinks you need, your heart races.

Schematics. Not of the Kennedys, but of prior models.

Maintenance records, upkeep recommendations. Nutritional requirements, formulae for a metabolic stabilizer…

And then you see it. Written by the doctor who quoted Jacobi.

***Genetic coding information***.

You rip through the document and as you read, you begin to babble.

“Jesus fuck, it’s in the junk. They actually put it in the junk DNA, where nobody would fucking think. We need to change everything, absolutely everything, did he work on the...Ken...He did, he fucking did, he worked on the Kennedys, okay, so if that’s the case I’m betting he put them in the same places but there’s probably different locks, different fail safes but if we find one we can tweak it to fit other locks and we need to rethink everything christ we don’t have enough *time* and -”

Hands on your shoulder make you look up, and instinctively you pull the slate against your chest, protecting it. Raum has gone quiet in your mind.

“My boy,” Doc says. “You’re speaking in tongues.”

“We need to change where we look,” you blurt out. “They put the locks in the junk DNA. We need to change course, we need more computers, we need -”

“What? Brawley…” Doc’s eyes stray to the slate and you pull it closer to your chest. He knows there’s something on there that you shouldn’t have and he’s silent for a moment.

“Are you sure?” he asks, shaking you just a bit for emphasis.

“Yes.” Your voice doesn’t waiver.

He nods, then turns from you and begins barking out orders to other assistants and all the screens go black. It takes but a moment for them to reboot, blank screens ready for new directives.

You log into each one individually and set up sims, directing the machines to paw through almost 125,000 pieces of DNA.

You still need more machines.

*_*_*

A few days later you zip into the lab only to find your area almost empty. Your heart lurches from your chest into your throat, but Doc is there, turning you to the right and giving you a nudge forward.

There’s a new section in the lab. Huge, with bright lights, tons of computer banks, frosted windows and a door with a keypad and retina scanner for entry. And the name plaque reads “Brawley Stonehurst”

You pause only enough to look back at Doc and offer him a grin, but then you’re rushing forward, Sparky right behind you, the door opening with a quiet whoosh. There’re more computers than you’ve ever dared ‘steal’ on the main floor, but you quickly commandeer each and every one, setting them up for various sims.

The grating ***”BONG”*** is still the sound you’re constantly hearing.

*_*_*

It’s been a bad day. There’s talk of ventilation for Elias, and he really needs to come off of active duty, but he’s fighting tooth and nail to remain.

Noah hasn’t been able to really lead his classes, nor has he been able to spar with Masek at the level they’re both used to. Sparky has taken it upon himself to spend most of his time with Noah. When he asks you if this is acceptable, you say it is and rearrange his priorities to put Noah first and yourself second.

Doc finds out and he’s in your office questioning the decision, pointing out that Noah and Elias aren’t the only ones deteriorating, and you’re about to call him out on the pot calling the kettle black, but…

But…

***”BING”***

You both stop, staring at each other, and it takes you almost a solid minute to realize one of the sims has finished.

And the text, it’s not *green*, it’s not a *success*, but it’s...not a critical fail. The text is yellow, telling you that you’re on the right track but you need to tweak things and you can do that, the data is promising and you look at Doc and you can feel yourself grinning and -

***”chime”***

Again, you both stop and you know your eyes are huge, you know this because his are as well. It doesn’t take nearly as long for you to begin looking around frantically -

***”chime”.......”chime”......”chime”***

One by one, five different screens light up with green text.

*_*_*

Dr. Anath Lakani is fucking amazing. There’s a reason you’ve been starry eyed since he said he’d take you on as a resident. Your mind is quick, and you know this, but his…

Christ on a cracker, watching that man work is breathtaking for a science nerd like you.

He takes your findings and spins the results into formulae and then spins those into an actual therapy faster than anything you’ve ever seen. And you watch, because this is porn for you, this creating something to save a life from numbers and codes and this and that. In theory, you can do this as well, but not this quickly.

Doc’s skills come from years of experience, and you are nothing short of a captive audience.

Arrangements are made to have Elias come in the very next morning and he’s agreeable. His words were something along the lines of “What have I got to lose?”, and that just…

Your breath leaves you as if you were punched in the gut, and *gods*...

“Please let this work,” you whisper to yourself as you head home.

To Noah. Who is resting in his quarters and only quirks a brow as he looks up from his slate when you come in, then lean back against the door, just looking at him.

He’s pale, too pale, with shadows under his eyes. And you’re not sure if it’s fact or if it’s your mind playing tricks on you, but his cheekbones seem even more pronounced today than they did yesterday.

“It’s early,” he murmurs, and it is, not even gone 20:00 yet. “Have you eaten?”

“No,” you say, your voice coming out in a whisper. “I wanted...shower,” you finish lamely.

Legally, you can’t tell him. This is Elias’ business, not Noah’s.

But there’s that soft smile, the one that’s just for you. “Go on then,” he says. “I’ll have a sub alt bring something from the mess.”

“You gonna eat too?”

“I’ll have something.”

He knows you’ll pester him. Even though he really doesn’t have much of an appetite.

While in the shower, you think about the sims running for Noah’s treatment. You’re jumping the gun, but Elias’ is almost completely mapped out, with only one part of the therapy being in question. In theory, even if that fails, the results will tell you and Doc where to go next, but that clock is still ticking, loud as ever.

You must have been in there a lot longer than you thought, because the next thing you know Sparky’s sitting outside the shower stall looking up at you. Once he sees he has your attention, he sends a query, checking on you.

*Just lost in thought,* you reply.

*Supper is here! KenKen has lounge coverings waiting for you. They are nice and warm!* And with that, Sparky dashes out of the bathroom.

After drying off, going out to get dressed (and you don’t miss the appraising look Noah gives you, but you ignore it because no, you don’t look your best and you realize this but that’s not what he’s concerned about) and eating, you curl up with him, your head on his shoulder.

It’s quiet in a way that ships are, which is to say it’s not *really* quiet, but there’s no voices, no computers, no bonks or bings or chimes or anything. Just the sound of Noah breathing, and if you hold your breath, his heart beat.

“Elias is starting a new therapy in the morning,” you whisper and you feel Noah go still against you. “The projected success rate of the first two rounds is 98%, but the third is hovering around 80%. Even if the third is a failure, we’ll know by the results which way to go. Doc is prepping the bases tonight and tomorrow, but it’s still going to be close, I think. Depends if it fails if it causes any domino effects.”

He’s staring at you now, so you continue.

“I’m running your sims in my office, and two have finished. They weren’t successful, but they weren’t failures. I’m going off the assumption that since you and Elias are from the same...batch,” (that term burns in your throat) “that you’ll need similar therapies.”

“How,” Noah starts, his voice raspy. He clears his throat, then resumes. “How did you…?’ He can’t finish the question, and you don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t know what to ask or if it’s because he can’t ask, but you look up at him.

“Please don’t ask me that,” you whisper. He’s head of security, and even if this would save his life, he would be duty bound.

His eyes leave you and move to your backpack, the forbidden slate hidden inside. He’d seen it, before, noticed it wasn’t yours or one from medical and asked about it. You’d pretended not to hear him, raising your head and blinking, bleary eyed (that wasn’t a lie, at least).

*Raum,* you send out over the comms and his reply is almost instant.

*Taken care of.*

You know the next time you pick the slate up, it’ll be blank. But that’s okay. You also know the information is someplace safe, and all you have to do is ask Raum in order to access it.

When Noah’s eyes return to you, you’re already asleep, curled protectively around him.

*_*_*

When Elias’s third round fails, it is almost catastrophic and both you and Doc are scrambling to keep him stable until the last formulae can be finished. The two of you work well together, both talking over each other and accessing various machines via your neural connections. Nobody will be able to convince you that was the only reason Elias was stabilized as quickly as he had been - while neither of you is super humanly fast, you’re faster than the average person and with both of you working, it’s...harrowing, but it could have been worse.

Much, much worse.

But, the now fourth round is administered and it works, it works so beautifully. Further degradation is essentially halted, or at the very least slowed to a crawl and not only that, but Elias’ body can begin repairs. His stem cells are fine, and with that vital system working as intended, modern medicine only needs to give his respiratory and cardiac systems a boost to get healing started.

Noah’s therapies go so much smoother, and you feel a little guilty for that. Elias doesn’t give a fuck, and the day he’s taken off his oxygen feed his smile stretches from ear to ear.

Noah wears one similar to it, and you finally know what people mean when they say their hearts are so full that they’re bursting.

Physical therapy is something Elias is eager to start, and you’ve got your hands in that as well because you cannot and will not leave either of these men alone it seems. But in this case, it’s not a bad thing because while you’re in the gym with Elias, you’re working on your own fitness regimen as well.

His upper body strength comes back slowly, but his lower body is a bit slower still, if only because he’d been in a wheelchair for an extended period of time. Hydro therapy was a thing for a while, but eventually, Elias began trying to stand.

You’re hella impressed at his determination, and his positive attitude makes you smile. You’re there with him when he stands on his own for the first time, the sub alt holding his chair steady in case he needs to sit back down quickly. You’re aware Cap is in the room as well, but your attention is solely on Elias. It’s a bit of a struggle, and his face is flushed and his breathing slightly labored (his oxygen saturation is at 98%, so you’re not in the least bit worried), but eventually, he’s standing. He takes a breath, finds his balance, and lets go of the supports.

His legs don’t buckle. He looks down as if he’s having trouble believing it, then he looks up at you and grins that infectious grin and you can’t help but smile back.

Then you notice Cap, who’s watching, and you’re not sure, but his eyes look suspiciously bright. He looks to you and nods with a smile, and you look back to Elias and move to help him sit back down, then step away as father and son have a moment, Cap moving closer and speaking softly to Elias.

*_*_*

You’re sitting with the entire group, including Noah (because you asked him to come have dinner and he said yes because he loves you and he also loves Masek’s cooking because who does NOT love Masek’s cooking???) when the alert chimes at the door. It takes a minute for it to open, but when it does, Elias is standing there, grinning, and he walks in under his own power.

That night, the only sound haunting your dreams is laughter and you’ve never slept better in your life.

[aal-archaeology]

Words from a so-far successful archaeologist (25 years old/recent Ph.D. admit)

Hello Everyone!  I have revived my Tumblr to find many messages asking “what do I do next” when it comes to Archaeology/Anthropology. So I thought I’d create a post explaining what I went through to get to where I am now, and hopefully give some information to those who are pondering on the next steps to take in this truly wonderful field of study.  Quick academic about me: 

Undergrad: Ivy League, Major: Anthropology-Geography, Minor: Religion

After Undergrad: 1 year of Cultural Resource Management (CRM) & Substitute teaching

Graduate School: England MSc in Archaeological Information Systems

After Graduate: 10-month long research grant in Cambodia

Now: (USA)  Ph.D. Candidate in Anthropology, Archaeology Track

I come from a low-middle class family, all of my academics have been funded through financial aid or through grants that I’ve applied for. A lot of the time school and research can get expensive, but that doesn’t mean you have to be wealthy to pursue it!

Per usual, please feel free to DM me at any point with questions (here or IG @ aal.archaeology), I’m always happy to help to the best of my ability. Success in this field is really dependent on networking!

I’ll set this up based on the various landmarks of my academic career: 

1. Undergrad

Themes: Ask for help, build your resume, write down everything

No matter where you are going to school, it is so so so important to use the resources around you. Becoming a professor is HARD work, and each one of your professors went through a lot to be able to stand in front of you and teach you. They’ve likely had years and years of research experience, which is probably still happening behind the scenes of teaching and grading papers. More often than not, professors want to help you, they want students to be excited about the research they’ve worked so hard on, and they want to do what they can to help you achieve your career goals.  Therefore, if there’s a class you’ve taken or a professor whose research you’re interested in, tell them. This is how I got my first experience with archaeology (before I even knew that I wanted to do archaeology). I randomly took an Anthropology class that sounded cool, and after the first class, I was like WOW I love this topic so much and I really want to know more about it. I went up to the professor that was teaching it, told her I was really interested and asked if she knew of any research opportunities available. She then hired me as a student researcher in her lab to do data entry for one of her archaeological projects in Mesoamerica, and after working for her for a few months, she asked me if I wanted to go with her and her team to Mexico for fieldwork. 

         (my timeline at this point: 19 years old, end of Sophomore year)

From this experience, I learned how to apply to grants within the University and funding outside of the University, and was able to FULLY fund my research experience in Mexico. During this fieldwork, I got to work with 3000-year-old artifacts, do archaeoillustration, and eventually got my own chapter published in the book that my professor wrote about the research that was done.

After I got back from Mexico, I started exploring archaeology further. A new professor entered the department who specialized in “digital archaeology,” and his research involved tracking looting patters in Syria using satellite imagery. I thought this was crazy so I then went up to him and asked if I could help him with his research. (the common theme throughout this entire process is just asking for help). From this experience, I learned that I loved the possibilities that technology brought to the study of archaeology, everything from 3D modeling to identification of sites in satellite imagery to spatial mapping in GIS. With this professor, I was able to form an “internship” with him, and continued doing that and other minor projects within the department. I ended up modifying my major to incorporate coursework from the Geography department and created my own “Digital Archaeology” major.

        (my timeline at this point: 22 years old, Senior year)

As graduation began to creep closer, I had been able to get a good amount of lines on my resume. I had:

research assistant/ data entry

fieldwork in mesoamerica

x2 internships with digital archaeology prof

multiple “small” projects around the department i.e. making posters, painting 3D prints of bones,

all of the coursework I had done on GIS/ relevant digital experience

started a drone club at my school (it flopped, but it still counts as a line on the resume!)

All of these lines became useful when starting to think of jobs and the “next step”

UNDERGRAD HIGHLIGHTS & TAKEAWAYS:

Ask for help, your professors are there for a reason, it will almost always lead you to new opportunities. These relationships last well beyond your graduation and definitely come in handy later, make it count!

Write down EVERYTHING that you do. Did you help out with a conference? Write it down. Did you do a couple hours of data entry? Write it down.

Follow your leads! I started my anth journey in Mesoamerica and ended my undergrad in Near Easter digital archaeology (and I entered college wanting to do astronomy?). Change is natural, let it happen.  

2. Gap Year Between Undergrad and Grad School

Highlights: Job applications, field school, CRM, uncertainty

Something that I was always told during my undergrad was that you really need to do a field school and some CRM to be taken seriously post-grad. This shows that you actually want to be an archaeologist outside of the classroom environment. Field Schools and CRM give you valuable experience such as: excavation methodology, report writing, grant applications, teamwork, leadership, etc. 

I started applying for jobs probably about 5 months before I graduated and ended up securing a job at a CRM company in LA. They liked how much I had done during my undergrad, but they really wanted me to have a field school under my belt before I started working for them. Because I had already graduated and didn’t need course credit, I was able to do my field school at a discounted price (these things really do get expensive, and this was a difference of about $2k). I think this worked out in my favor waiting until the summer after I graduated because it saved me a lot of money in the end. 

After my field school was done, I started work that September in CRM. This job ended up being nothing like what I thought it would be, to be honest. I was an Archaeological Field Technician that was part-time/on-call, meaning I only got work when they needed someone to go monitor a construction site. I only got work once every month, sometimes every couple of months, so I was making hardly any money. I realized this quickly and decided to become a substitute teacher to supplement the CRM job. I HIGHLY recommend doing this if you end up in the same situation. Not only does subbing fill up all of your non-working days, but it also gives you the flexibility to choose when you can work and gives you teaching experience that you can put on your resume. That CRM experience can be really important, so it’s good to stick it out long enough to quit.

      Why didn’t I like CRM? For me, my job was very sparse, included driving long hours to a construction site, sitting there all day in case archaeological material popped up, and then driving home. Sometimes it was just walking back and forth across a massive field full of cow poop looking for arrowheads, and often it felt like I was just clearing land so that a big building could be erected. I was really missing the research component to all of it. The pay was also not great. 

GAP YEAR HIGHLIGHTS AND TAKEAWAYS:

What I got from this year was very valuable, even though it wasn’t necessarily that fun, however. 

I got the experience I needed in CRM

I got some teaching experience (also volunteered to mentor clubs and research at local high schools during this time)

I started doing some networking (I found some alumni that were doing work that I wanted to be doing and reached out to them)

and most importantly, I realized that I really do love school and wanted to go back for my Masters

So I started looking into Masters's programs. This is kind of a scary thing especially in the US because school is expensive. I still really wanted to do Digital Archaeology, and I couldn’t find a single program in the US had a focus in this topic, and especially couldn’t find one that I was willing to pay for. 

The UK, however, had plenty of Digital Archaeology programs, and the programs were only a year long and a fraction of the price in the US. I decided to take a chance and apply, got in, and then suddenly I was moving to England. (in hindsight I really didn’t spend much time at all making this decision, but it worked out in the end). 

3. Masters Program

         (my timeline at this point: 23-24 years old)

I chose the program I applied to based on its focus on the techniques that I wanted to use, namely, remote sensing, GIS, and 3D modeling. I really wanted a degree qualification that spoke for itself, and therefore applied for an MSc in “Archaeological Information Systems.” 

I had done some networking during my gap year and connected with an alumnus who was doing research in Cambodia using digital methods, and she offered me the opportunity to join her fieldwork. I agreed to join her in Cambodia during my degree, and also applied for a research grant for the year following my master's degree to continue fieldwork in Cambodia. 

I used this opportunity to fuel my dissertation topic and focused all of my writing and coursework throughout my grad school experience around Cambodia. While I was surrounded by people studying Roman architecture and Medieval Studies, I spent my time doing independent work and building a network in Cambodia. 

This program was a great experience for the most part, I was surrounded by beautiful medieval architecture and had a great community throughout. I personally didn’t really like the UK school system compared to what I had received in the US, however. This was largely because of the way coursework was set up. (If you want to know more just DM me).

MASTERS HIGHLIGHTS AND TAKEAWAYS:

Follow networking opportunities, and find someone doing what you want to do (or close to it) and let them help you take the steps to get there

If you’re going to do grad school, do it in something you know you love. Don’t waste money on a program that isn’t right for you.

Make sure that the program you apply to allows for flexibility so that you can do research on what YOU want, not what THEY want.

Halfway through my Master's degree, I received word that I had been accepted for the research grant (Fulbright) and would spend the next year living in Cambodia doing independent research.

4. Gap Year Between Masters Program and PhD

If you’re planning on a Ph.D., I think its a really good idea to do something before applying that relates to what you want to be studying. This shows that you’re dedicated to your research and to a life in academia, and have the ability to produce something from your work. 

My master's degree was nice because 1) it was short, only a year-long, and 2) allowed me to focus research on what I was interested in. This gave me the experience I needed to lead into a year of independent research.

This year of independent research was definitely contingent on receiving the grant in the first place, and I think that I would have started job searching again had I not received it. However, the small things I did leading up to applying for it really helped in qualifying me to receive it. 

     I had:

All of the undergraduate research experience

CRM experience

teaching experience

fieldwork experience

a master’s degree that focused on the region 

established a network of people in the country beforehand

a couple “publications” from fieldwork 

This grant fully funds me living in Cambodia, and has allowed me to participate in cultural exchange with some amazing people here in addition to allowing me to partake in archaeological fieldwork across the country. 

Again, I cannot stress enough how important it is to network. If you like something, find someone else who likes the same thing, send them an email.

Networking got me my experience in Mesoamerica, Digital Archaeology, my CRM job, my research experience in Cambodia, and so so much more. All because I sent that first email.

5. PhD Applications

I applied to 1 school. I got in. Its a really good school. I’m still in shock. 

However, I think I really did set myself up for success in this one. 

The biggest advice I can give in the world of Academia is:

NETWORK

Talking to people who have gone through what you’re going through are the BEST help. They can mentor you through these experiences, offer you new opportunities, or lead you in the direction of someone else who can help.

PLAN AHEAD (but be open to change)

Okay, so you’re applying to grad school. What do you want to focus on while you’re there? What do you want to do with the degree when you’re done? Do you want to start working? Do you want to do more research? What opportunities are out there for research funding? What is the job market looking for? Is there anyone in my network that can help me get there?

None of these have to be concrete plans, they just have to exist in some shape or form so that you have the ability to latch on to one when the opportunity arises.

If you’re doing something that you love doing, you’ll find a way to make it happen. All opportunity comes from the amount of effort you put into getting it! Thanks for reading and best of luck on your studies! Also Happy Anthropology Day! :)  -Lyss 

[calliecat93]

ST: TNG S6 Watchthrough Episodes 6-9

True Q: After a complete absence last season, Q is back! So why’s he there this time? A young woman named Amanda is on the ship... and it turns out that she has the same powers that the Q Continuum has. Q is there (no meniton of where Vash is though…) to take her to the Continuum, but Amanda doesn’t want to go. She’s happy with her life and she doesn’t want it or her future plans to be taken away from her. It feels like they decided to do a remake of Hide and Q, the one where Q gave Riker Q-like powers. While it is one of S1’s better episodes, I don’t particularly care for that one for a few reasons. This one I felt was an improvement. Amanda’s a really nice girl, I mean her intro has her summon up puppies! She’s struggling with her powers especially when Q makes her realize the extent of it and how she can do literally anything. Under Q’s guidance, she begins to actually enjoy it… but Q is really trying to push her away from being human. She comes close to crossing the line when she tries to make Riker fall in love with her, even using mind-control… but realizes how bad it feels and decides that she doesn’t like being an all-powerful being who forces herself on others. I love how aghast Q is that a Q can have human feelings and want to use their powers to do actual good for others. Honestly I’m confused on why they don’t bring up Amanda using her power to just make herself. We know that the Q’s can do so form Deja Q, so how come that possibility enver comes up. I think I’d have liked that better than Amanda finally agreeing to go at the end. Though to be fair she does so after realizing the greater good that she can do with her power after saving a dying planet and has clearly not at all lost her humanity/compassion. She’s gonna give the Continumm one Hell of a time, huh? But yeah, it was good. It’s not Q’s best appearance, certainly one of his more serious protrayals and kind of reminds me why I hate him. But also why I love him cause he’s just so freakin’ fun, John de Lancie is utterly fantastic in the role, and his amorality really adds so much more depth to the show. When he shows up, you know that you’re gonna get something interesting. After not having him at all last season, this was very much welcomed~ 4/5.

Rascals: We have a de-aged episode folks! Picard, Ro, Guinan, and Keiko have all been turned into young children. They’re not happy about it. Picard cause it undermines his captaincy, Ro because her childhood was traumatic to put it lightly, Keiko because it major complicates things with her husband and child, and Guinan… no actually, Guinan just has fun with it XD Now de-aging episodes can either be really fun or really annoying depending on how it’s done. My favorite one is the one in Justice League Unlimited, which did a good balance between having fun with the concept and still telling a good coherent story with a major heartbreaking line at the end that shows that being a kid again wasn’t fun for everyone. How did TNG do? Honestly IDK why they included Keiko in this. Don’t get me wrong I like Keiko… but it feels like they only included her to do some really cringy humor on how a grown woman got de-aged and is now married to an adult man. Thankfully O'Brien is a good man who’s as uncomfortable with it as I am and doesn’t do anything that he shouldn’t, but still, the show was it really necessary? Aside from that, it was fine. I feel like they’re trying to tell a serious story as per usual… and I think that was the wrong approach. That JLU episode I mentioned did play parts of it seriously, but it also recognized how absurd the whole premise was and rolled with it. There are entertaining bits, like a kid!Picard acting like… well Picard is pretty dang funny, but I just don’t feel like they struck a good balance between the seriousness and just having fun with it. It outright makes the adults all getting overtaken by the Ferengi outright embarrassing, not funny or scary. Like I said though it does have fun moments. I like how Guinan just wanted to have fun while a kid again and manage to get Ro to finally give in and have some form of a happy childhood that she didn’t get to have before. A bunch of children, including the non-de-aged ones like Alexander, outwitting a bunch of Ferengi was also hilarious, especially Picard faking being Riker’s son. Riker’s face when Picard hugged him was amazing. The kid actors were also really good, especially Guinan’s actress. But otherwise, it just kinda feels like they couldn’t decide on a tone and as such while it has its entertaining bits, it feels confused on what kind of episode it wants to be. It’s harmless and another one of those episodes that I’d say adult fans can watch with their kids, but it’s certainly not one of their best efforts. 2/5.

A Fistful of Datas: We got us a Western episode! Hooray~! The crew has some time off and Worf gets forced to agrees to undergo a Wild West Holodeck program with Alexander with Troi also joining in. Too bad that they chose that day to link Data to the ship’s computers and a power surge causes a malfunction n both Data and the computers! Oops. So yeah, the ship/Data is having issues while our trio is trapped in the Holodeck with Data’s image replacing the characters. You know how I just complained that the last episode couldn’t decide between seriousness or comedic and thus they clashed? Not an issue this time! This one was just complete and utter fun~! Even when it gets serious this was just great! The Western heme, Troi being a Western fangirl, them making Brent Spiner play a billion roles again, it is just a blast! Heck just having Worf in this role where he’s clearly dreading everything, then has fun with it (at least until Alexander gets kidnapped/the Data thing) I'm just so nice haha! I can’t think of much else to say but another fun Holodeck episode! Now if only they could stop malfunctioning every time they use it… 4/5.

The Quality of Life: So we have a scientist and these cute little robots called Exocoms. They are made to make repairs but one unexpectedly shuts down just before the terminal explodes. Upon investigating, Data begins to believe and later decides that the Exocoms have gained sentience, and are therefore living beings. This is the closest thing that we’ve gotten since The Measure of a Man, and I really like it! I loved Data here... I mean I always love Data but he was so freakin’ good here. He chooses to advocate for the Exocoms, even when it reaches a point where Picard and Geordi’s lives are in danger, and sacrificing the Exocoms is the only available option. While he knows that he’s accepting of letting them die and very much doesn’t want to, how can he sacrifice one species of life for another? Lifeforms who are very much like him, machines made by humans but unlike him who has people like Picard to advocate for his rights, they had no one. The episode doesn’t ignore the moral questions here and really raises some good questions about life, what counts as being alive, and where we draw the line when deciding between lives. I also loved Data and Crusher’s interactions in this one and him going to her when questioning how to define life. While Indo believes that Pulaski wasn’t as bad as others, her interactions with Data were just bad but Crusher comes off as so much more compassionate and understanding towards him. It just really shows why Crusher is the CMO that this show needed, sorry Pulaski. The Exocoms are really cute and while I won’t give away the ending, they truly are heroes. This was the kind of Data episode that the show needed, and they delivered pretty dang well I’d say~! 4.5/5.

[quesselfships]

It's been a weird 24 hours.

It started earlier this week when a Big Joel video was recommended to me about why A. I. didn't work or some shit. I never saw the movie when it came out and I mostly just remember everyone hating it.

What I didn't know was Jude Law was in this movie and I've got a thing for like Gattaca-to-Sky Captain era Jude Law. So I'm like. Fuck let's watch it. Let's have a snark fest. Let's have fun. And for the record I had a great time so fuck the haters.

Monday I watched Sky Captain and I remembered how gay I was for Franky and also how much I love Dieselpunk.

Tuesday I watched Gattaca and every time I watch that movie I sob. Jerome deserved better and Vincent is an on fire garbage can of a human being.

Wednesday I watched AI. And it's pretty much exactly what I thought. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It was Pinocchio but with Robots. And while I didn't really pay attention to Sky Captain because Franky and Jerome is a project and I think he's gay... I was unbelievably entranced by Gigilo Joe.

Two and a half hour long movie, didn't get any stitching done, read all the fanfic that's available, of which there was really only one worth reading.

Here's my comment on the fic, verbatim: "So here I am. 20 years late to this party. I have work tomorrow and I'll likely be routed around construction and I can't focus on that at 7am on a good day. And here I am at 11:15 pm having read all of this and having my heart strings pulled and feeling so many feels. This is beautiful. This is incredible. I have loved every second of reading this. I want to go back to the beginning and start over. I texted my friends reactions to me reading it. I just. *insert this is beautiful meme*"

I felt pretty smitten if I'm being honest. Over night though, the ethical quandaries I had starting boiling and bubbling.

@ellesselfships, who has been my rock through this process, got the text this morning: "I don't think Joe would be a good idea. Like. He's beautiful and I'd love to give him whatever freedom I could offer but... I don't know if he would have the capacity for feelings. How much of what he does would be pre programming? How much space is there for his neurons to form new connections?"

Her counter point was essentially ya but what if😏.

Which, I mean, valid.

I just had ethical questions. I've never bonded to an android before. The programs from the Matrix who hung around when I was younger were essentially viruses broken free from their original code, and Icheb is a cyborg which is different.

Luckily. One of my best friends is completing his masters in philosophy, and enjoys ethics.

After my rambling to him, and of course making an I Heart Huckabees joke because Jude Law, he summarized: "If I follow, the worry is that if you rescue, you wouldn't know if affection towards you is genuine, or the result of programming which forces him to act how he thinks would make you most happy?"

He thinks, should I go through with this, explaining things as what I want is for him to be happy. I would grant him whatever freedoms, rights, and protections I could. I know people who know Data the android from Star Trek because my fucking headspace is massive. And should he and I not work out, I'm not going to take these things away from him, his rights as a person are not contingent on how he feels about me, if he can even feel about me. A good example of this is Yondu. We don't click romantically but we're great friends and he has a great, stable trade route he does. He spends time with the littles, he has a home here that I won't take away just because he's not attracted to me.

I can only assume, without looking at it, his programming is, well, programmed to make his clients, in this case me, happy. But my happiness is his happiness, so he would have to make choices and decisions for himself. And I'd probably ask Reg if he could convince La Forge and Data to spare a few days for this.

It still feels strange because what are emotions if not a series of codes in your brain? How can I ever know his feelings are feelings and not an extension of preprogrammed scenarios, given his line of work. But how do I know that about Kylo, for example. Sitting beside me, being extremely gentle with me because of how my period triggers me. I have to trust him. In that what he is saying is correct.

If I don't extend that to an android, is that not just... Bigotry? Is it a lie if it's preprogrammed? I guess that's the determinism argument too. Is anything free will?

I've read enough android fucker fic (Detroit Become Human is really, and I mean really, popular in the watersports tag in Ao3 for reasons I can't explain) to know that a lot of people don't see a difference between biological neurochemicals and programmed ones.

I don't want to hurt him. A lot of humans have. The end of the movie doesn't really tie up his story but I can assume it's not pretty. AI dealt with a lot of heavy themes people forget about and I don't think I'm wrong to compare it most plainly not with Pinocchio, but with the Matrix short film The Second Renaissance which to this day haunts me. I'll never forget the robot screaming "I'm real."

(turns out I can't find a good gif for this scene because like. It's pretty fucking violent and I don't know how to do cuts on mobile sorry)

The worst part of headspace stuff is for things like this, where I feel like if I just decide to reach out all this is just bullshit. Like more than it already is lol. I just don't want to do wrong by my people. Because these experiences are more than me being lonely or a fangirl, or desperate. I know it's hard for people who don't do this to understand but just like that robot screaming I'm real, so are they, in their own way.

[libermachinae]

A Little Scrap

Also available on AO3!

Summary:  Ratchet is such a dad that even getting sparked up can’t stop his systems from activating sire protocols.

Notes:  Might do more with this, haven't decided!

✨ ✨🚑✨✨🚚✨ ✨

Some creators would say they’d known from the moment of conception. Poems and songs had been spun around the moment two beings coalesced into one and the bond between them solidified into a new consciousness, a binding of all the features that had drawn them to each other in the first place. They said that their first words to their newspark had not been in any language that could be reproduced in a vocoder, but had been something deeper, something generated from those same basic codes that had gifted Cybertronians with the capacity to love.

Ratchet knew it was scrap.

Back before bonding was seen as a dangerous weakness and sparking was less rare (though never common; had it not been for the Well, their war would have amounted to little more than a spat between neighbors), he’s been more than happy to expound on all the biological realities that made those romantic fantasies impossible. Going to battle against misinformation, he brandished lecture notes as a spear, textbook chapters his shield, and years of peer-reviewed studies the cavalry to back him up. Source after source confirmed what any adult with a functioning logic center should have known: one would have no way of knowing whether they were a carrier or a sire until medical tools had confirmed it.

Though it came too late to be of much use in his campaign to get himself barred from any social circles containing creators, the most damning evidence he’d encountered, the unit that would have bolstered his forces enough to guarantee victory, turned out to be his own firsthand experience.

[[Decrypting personality component crtr_01.]]

The readout appeared while Ratchet was on monitor duty, watching the little blips of his teammates rove over the map while he waited for the signal to reel them in. The self-diagnostics feed was a software he’d had programmed during an outbreak of engine cough, back when the war was being fought in the trenches of Cybertron and you couldn’t walk two steps without a cloud of exhaust blowing in your face. He’d needed a tool to catch early warning signs of the disease in his code, and afterward had never had a reason to uninstall it. Most of the time, it scrolled unnoticed on the bottom corner of his HUD, alerting him that fuel processing was normal, gyro stabilizers were normal, t-cog alignment was normal, etc., and in recent years had shifted to such low priority he rarely processed the data, letting it naturally cycle into his deletion queue. Had he been doing anything more engaging than waiting for the signal to pull a lever, he would have missed it.

[[Integrating crtr_01.]]

He frowned. Though he’d expanded his knowledge of coding once the deficit of medical expertise among the Autobots reached critical levels, it had never been his specialty, and he didn’t recognize the file. Curious, he isolated the first half as a keyword and used it to search his medical archives, hoping its relation to other fragments would be a clue to its function.

Self-diagnostics continued to update him on the code’s development.

[[Personality component integrated.]]

[[Checking for motivation conflicts.]]

[[No conflicts found.]]

[[Sire protocols engaged.]]

Ratchet straightened up.

His optics flashed.

“Scrap,” he said aloud, a fact he would be teased for relentlessly years down the line.

They’d—but that wasn’t supposed to—the Matrix didn’t allow—but, if anyone could have done it, Optimus—

Optimus was out in the field.

Ratchet’s processor flew into action, all hesitation gone because Optimus was compromised and their fragile newspark—their newspark, what the frag—was in a potentially hostile environment.

He tuned into comms while his fingers almost independently punched in the coordinates for the little blip on the screen that might as well have represented the total of Ratchet’s universe.

“Optimus!” He barked it in the same tone he’d once used to send residents scrambling.

: :Ratchet?: :

His new coding sang at the sound—that voice! isn’t it beautiful? so kind, so wise, so regal, a perfect bot and a perfect carrier!—and he had to remind him himself via memory playback of the last minute and a half why he’d called in the first place.

“As Chief Medical Officer, I am requesting your immediate return to base.” Now that he knew Optimus was safe, coding softened his tone, trying to tempt the wayward carrier back to safety.

: :Is this an urgent matter?: : Optimus asked.

“Yes.” He finished typing the coordinates and threw the lever, the ground bridge blooming open at his back, and for once couldn’t even think about the energon consumption as he waited for a response.

He felt like his spark was thrumming with the excess charge of his panic, and all he received in return was a curious tug on their bond, wisp-like from this distance. Ratchet pushed back with his apology (He’d yelled at Optimus!) and concern (What if Decepticons arrived? What if the energon was unstable? What if the vibrations from Bulkhead’s mace traveled through the floor, up through Optimus’ pedes, and into his spark chamber, disrupting the tiny bundle of photons within? Was that even possible? Why had he been so blithe as to assume a wartime medic could skimp on reproductive health?), hoping it would be enough to convince Optimus without Ratchet showing up in the field to drag their Prime back to base.

It was already taking all his self-control not to go ahead and do it.

: :Something wrong at base?: : Bulkhead asked, startling Ratchet. Though he’d intended to access the team-wide channel, he’d forgotten about every other Autobot in existence the moment Optimus’ voice had come through.

“Negative,” he managed to say.

: :BbbRREppTt vrrrmphVREE bp bp?: :

“Patient confidentiality,” he said in answer to Bumblebee’s question. “Just know that it is urgent Optimus remove himself from the field.”

: :Got it, Ratchet.: : Arcee’s confident tone somewhat settled Ratchet’s tense spark, though nervous static still crackled along his lines. : :We’ll get him out of here.: :

Ratchet smiled, sure that Arcee would know his gratitude even if she couldn’t see it.

“The ground bridge is open at your coordinates, Optimus,” he said, unable to look away from the bright center, each stray shadow making his systems hitch in reckless excitement.

There was a pause. Ratchet imagined the others gently corralling their Prime to the waiting ground bridge, reminding him of his duty to the CMO.

A burst of static as comms came back online.

: :I’m on my way,: : Optimus said, resigned. His curiosity prodded at their bond again, and Ratchet sent over calm assurance, his new sire protocols settling now that he knew his bonded was headed toward safety. Toward him.

It was difficult to put to words the feeling of stressed coding, the same way he hadn’t exactly been able to explain to the children what it meant to be bonded to another mech. They’d been able to understand the emotional bond as a form of heightened empathy, but there were no appropriate words in English to describe the deeper connection, the physical feeling of having one’s innermost self tied to that of another. In the same way, he doubted he would be able to explain to them what it was that had him staring over his shoulder after Optimus’ message came in, the flutter of excitement in his chassis that all the miserliness in the world would not be able to tamp down.

He thought he’d be able to control himself, but he was already moving the moment Optimus’ silhouette appeared. In the sole defense of his pride, he didn’t quite sprint.

And anyway, no amount of pride could have stopped him from pulling Optimus into a tight hug.

“Ratchet?” Optimus asked, concern evident among his confusion now that they were separated by the mere plating of their frames. “What’s wrong?”

How did he answer that question? Though he had no intention of keeping this a secret from Optimus, he wasn’t sure the right words existed to explain their new situation. Ratchet squeezed tighter, focusing on the one thing he was capable of in that moment: holding Optimus close, knowing he was safe, knowing he would be kept safe. At least for as long as their duties would allow. The sire programming was turning out to be more intense than had been implied in Ratchet’s med school readings, prioritizing itself over what were usually Ratchet’s primary impulses, like maintaining a gruff exterior and dismissing anyone younger than a millennium. Now it was just Optimus, and keeping Optimus safe, and making sure Optimus knew he was loved, and—

“Should you not close the ground bridge?” the Prime advised, in that infuriating tone he used when he was channeling the wisdom of the Matrix.

Ratchet grumbled in answer, withdrawing from the embrace but reaching down to entwine their fingers.

“The others?” he asked, guiding Optimus back into the base like they were a pair of newbonds entering their apartment for the first time.

“They remained to finish sweeping the mine.”

Obviously. Ratchet wasn’t sure why he’d asked, except that his processor was lost in a fog of anticipation for the coming conversation. He needed to say it. Optimus didn’t have the diagnostics program, so unless the Matrix had prematurely shared the news, he had no idea that he—that they—

“Ratchet, the ground bridge?”

“Right, of course, my apologies.” Ratchet forced himself to release Optimus’ hand and turned to the control panel, pushing the lever back to standby. Though the team was still one comm away, isolation came to settle over them, the way the light in the base dimmed once the swirling vortex had been shut down. He relaxed against the control panel, trying to get a handle on the blooming process trees that kept growing out of control every time he tried to figure out what to say.

He felt a hand over his shoulder, offering gentle, loving caresses. Did carrier protocols make a mech more affectionate? It would make sense, reinforce support networks that would be necessary in the later carrying stages to—

Focus, slagit!

He turned back to Optimus, took the free hand so that together they formed a perfect circuit. Optimus’ hands were larger than his own, but they fit together in such a way that Ratchet’s processor was finally able to settle with the familiarity.

“A few minutes ago, I received an alert from my self-diagnostics,” he started.

“Are you alright?” Optimus asked.

“I… I am,” Ratchet decided.

Though insufficient, the answer settled Optimus, the texture of their bond changing from corrugated anxiety to a wavy curiosity. Blue eyes looked on, giving space to continue. Ratchet squeezed those familiar hands and felt them return a pulse of affection.

“I’ve activated sire protocols,” he said. “We sparked, Optimus.”

Optimus’ optics flashed within a frozen expression.

“Oh?” he tried.

(Ratchet would later try to deflect the teasing by bringing this moment back up; never landed as well.)

Ratchet nodded and now could not keep the excitement from his movements.

“We did. We have a newspark, Optimus!”

The Prime’s optics were still bright, mouth stretched into a line that didn’t seem to indicate any particular emotion.

“The Matrix, though, isn’t it supposed to…” He turned pointed eyes down to his broad chest compartment, the container for the two most important things in the universe (plus the symbolic artifact of Autobot leadership). Optimus was well established in the field of mystical speeches about the mysterious, infinite powers of the Matrix, but remained apologetically lacking in his understanding of the physiological effects it had on his frame; apologetic specifically to Ratchet, who had made the subject his own area of obsessive research for the first few decades of the primacy.

“The exact limitations are different for everyone.” The line that was practically a requirement for closing out any study of the Matrix. “The evidence is there, though. Creator protocols are directly linked to spark health and status. Unless Earth has…” He was going to say a native spark parasite population, but the thought alone caused his battle systems to request activation, so he shelved it and instead released one of Optimus’ hands to begin leading him to the repair bay. “Anyway, I’ll show you on the scanner. If creator protocols just came online, it’s unlikely you’ll have noticed anything, but the equipment should be able to pick it up.”

They entered the repair bay and Optimus sat on the medical berth while Ratchet booted up the nearest medical terminal. When a loading bar appeared on the screen, his processor took that as permission to imagine the bit: silvery plating, red accents (a chevron? audial antennae?), little round helm, large cyan optics, nubs to grow into tires once the t-cog matured, clean plating free of insignia, practically limitless storage space to fill with the wonders of the world…

The program finished loading and filled the screen; Ratchet stole the distraction to reassert himself as the ornery old medic, though he could not stop his spark from thrumming when he thought of tiny hands wrapping around a soldering iron. He retrieved the scanner and turned to Optimus again, laying a hand against the familiar windshield to confirm the placement of his spark. After so many years as friend, physician, and lover, he could have found it with his sensory suite shut down, but the pulse of warm life under his touch blossomed through his frame in a way he could not deny himself.

He passed the scanner over the point in a narrow angle, approximating a three-dimensional reading. It beeped to let him know it was satisfied, and then the data began compiling on the terminal, delicate measurements translated to essential diagnostic tools.

“Would you like to consider a name?” Optimus asked.

It was not the promise Ratchet’s coding longed so desperately to hear, but it was a kindness, nonetheless. In the quiet of the moment, as they waited for a machine to reveal the truth of their future, Ratchet’s thoughts cleared a bit and he was able to admit the actual prospect of their Prime carrying a newspark in wartime. It was a pain that again he could not put to words, almost like a burn but borne out of a deep pressure in his fuel lines, but it was dulled by the Optimus’ offered compassion: this new life was not theirs to keep, but for however many minutes the little scrap of photons had left, they could claim it as their own.

He was about to answer when the computer dinged, a congratulations to itself on a job well done, and he embraced the opportunity to avoid the question.

“Here we are,” he said, filling in the silence for good measure. “As always, the Matrix at least has the decency to keep you in good health. RPM’s a little higher than normal, and energy concentration, but… hm.”

But beyond that, there was no excessive energy drain, no internal pressure, standard shape and density. Ratchet stared at readouts a few hours ago he would have called completely normal and could not understand them.

“Oh.”

Optimus’ spark was alone.

The pressure in Ratchet’s lines tightened.

“Ratchet?”

He shook his head, trying and failing to put on a smile that didn’t fit.

“Sorry, Optimus, looks like my old spark’s glitching.” His vocoder didn’t want to put the words together, hitching between syllables like failing to say it would stop the reality from manifesting. He reset it and tried again. “Nothing there, after all.”

Optimus’ optics flashed with surprise. Ratchet couldn’t blame him. He didn’t make diagnoses without being certain of his conclusions, and under different circumstances would have hesitated longer to admit such a mistake, ran several more tests and consulted his archives. His spark was aching with an emotion he had no interest in putting to words, though, and he had to dedicate his focus to getting out of the repair bay. Don’t think about the conversation Optimus would want to have later. Don’t think about—about that. Don’t think about anything. Just move.

Optimus stood from the berth but did not approach Ratchet, though every protective in that huge frame of his was probably aching to console his bonded. Instead, he stood back while Ratchet went through the motions of saving and filing the spark readouts, tagging it as a standard inspection.

“Do you know the source?” Optimus asked, offering Ratchet a problem to focus on that was not his own code going haywire. Or at least, a different way to look at it.

“I have a few theories,” he said, because coding still was not his strength and ‘a few theories’ really meant ‘chapters I need to review.’ It would take time to understand and debug, but from a physical standpoint, he already had the scanner primed for the task, so he turned it around and drew the same shape that he had over Optimus’ chassis.

“Let me know if I, or any of the others, can be of any use,” Optimus said. “I care very deeply for that spark, and if it is ailing would like to see it made well again.”

Normally such concern would have been a source of embarrassment for Ratchet, with a shard of fondness peeking out underneath. Now, his protective protocols just insisted that this was nope, wrong, need to protect Optimus. It struck him that he needed to get this glitch worked out as soon as possible, otherwise Arcee would accuse him of being a more extreme version of himself than usual: he hated losing arguments in front of the team.

The terminal dinged again, and this time Ratchet turned to watch the results spill onto the screen.

High RPM, understandably; below average density, which was a bit odd; the irregularity of shape he’d had all his life; elevated internal pressure, which…

Energy stores were down 15% from standard. Not a huge margin, but he’d been tracking these numbers for millennia, charting energon consumption the way Optimus followed Autobot ships in battle. A discrepancy of that magnitude was something to investigate on a normal day.

After a day like this…

Ratchet laid a hand over his chassis, above his warm spark.

“Scrap.”

“Ratchet?”

Optimus was closer now, drawn in by the terrific blankness that had filled their bond. Ratchet tried to draw up something to fill in the void but was having trouble processing. Familiar arms were raising toward him like a part of his processor was saying it was his job to defend now. Like a bit of coding had flicked on, a patch he wouldn’t be aware of because he’d never been fitted with the diagnostic feed.

“Well, Optimus,” Ratchet said, vocoder hitching for a brand new reason, “I might’ve found our bitlet.”

[zampanobra]

An Elegy For Cyberpunk

The genre isn't gone, but the silver lining sure is.

William Gibson's Neuromancer is one of those books that I can't remember ever not having read. But I do remember that it wasn't long after I read it that I was introduced to Shadowrun, which quickly supplanted D&D as my go-to RPG. I'm not sure how well I understood what was going on in the plot, and was probably too young to understand a lot of what was going on. (Later on, when I started to understand self-loathing, it made a lot more sense.)

Even then, I loved the world, the technology, and the aesthetic. Gibson is fantastic at showing an entire scene through a couple of hints. He doesn't lean into a lot of what we've come to think of as "cyberpunk" aesthetic, and I prefer his much more understated settings more than a lot of his more over-the-top progeny.

Aside from how it looks, though, a common trope is its focus on people on the fringes of society--the "low life" going along with the "high tech." It's not always criminals, although these lines get a tad blurry due to the increasing corporate dominance that is another common trope of the setting. This is even more the case in the Shadowrun RPG, where your characters ("runners") are mercenaries for hire by all the corporations vying for an edge, where law enforcement has itself been privatized, and where governments' roles in their citizens' daily lives are steadily eroding. (Although a dragon is elected president of one of the major North American countries, so there is that.)

Those familiar with this setting and the tropes associated with it may have raised an eyebrow when I said that there was a silver lining associated with cyberpunk. I'd even venture to say there's an actual optimism in many of these stories.

The Cyber Trickles Downhill

There's a public intellectual of sorts named Eliezer Yudkowsky who started a ~~cult~~ website called LessWrong, and who talks a lot about technology, science, and what-not. He has various "laws" attributed to him, one of which is that "Every eighteen months, the minimum IQ necessary to destroy the world drops by one point." The idea is that, over time, increasingly powerful technology will be in the hands of everyday people. It's kind of like the cliché about how we all walk around with smartphones that are orders of magnitude more powerful and capable than the computers used to send people to the Moon.

Unfortunately, this is not how it generally works out. When better computers and connectivity end up in people's hands, so does a great deal of capture: DRM, surveillance (both corporate and governmental), monopolization, and more recently the move to software-as-a-service (where you have to pay a subscription to keep using something on your personal devices). You can get around much of these, but only but devoting significant time and effort to doing so, and you may often have to do without some aspects of those services. It's rarely going to be as convenient as the more intrusive version, and in some cases you may be outright prevented from communicating with people without using it. And this is without getting into situations where your information is turned over to third parties without your even having an option. In my own life, two of our doctors' offices use third-party portals that include some aspect of record keeping, schools and daycare facilities use them, and I'm of course subject to any of the national things like credit reporting agencies.

Meanwhile, things like artificial limbs and the like have generally made their greatest advances in times of war. Prosthetics in at least some form go back to Ancient Egypt, but a formal industry focused on their production would not come into being until far later. In the United States, it was the Civil War that would drastically increase demand, with thousands of amputees surviving the war and seeking prosthetic limbs: one study estimated that 70,000 men lost limbs during the war. Part of this was the development of the Minié ball, a more modern bullet that caused more irregular wounds to flesh and was heavy enough to shatter bone. Medical science being what it was, doctors generally decided that amputation was a better approach than trying to piece the patient's body back together. After the war, the federal government created the means for the prosthetic boom by agreeing to provide prosthetics for any veteran who needed them.

One veteran, James Hanger (who had himself lost most of a leg) was dissatisfied with the available options, and so developed an artificial leg that hinged and was shaped more like a human leg. He went on to establish the American Artificial Limb Company after the war (which still exists as Hanger, Inc.). Mass production of artificial limbs wouldn't come about for another 60 years or so. Nonetheless, this next development was again spawned by the same combination of factors: a massive conflict leaving thousands upon thousands of amputees (World War I in this case) combined with the federal government providing the money. (War is, indeed, a racket.)

Little seems to have changed into the present, when it's now the perpetual wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, combined with military-oriented welfare programs being the only ones not under constant attack by austerity.

So it is that cyberpunk's dream of widespread limb replacements seems unlikely without coming on the heels of years of additional thousands of traumatic amputees and billions of dollars in subsidies. Under our current system, after all, there is no incentive to continue improvements to artificial limbs without government footing the bill, and the government in turn seems largely unwilling to pay attention to the needs of its citizens that don't have any connection to the military.

The other technologies that epitomize the cyberpunk genre are equally captured. All the improvements to computer technology in the world don't help without the infrastructure to connect them to each other, and service providers have made sure that they can maintain their monopolies (the lucky few have two options). So it is that we get things like data caps, which Comcast introduced for its customers just a few days ago as of this writing, during a time of pandemic when more and more people are reliant on broadband internet access to work and go to school.

In a similar vein, computer and communications technology has become only selectively easier to use. The basics are much simpler, to be sure, but the kinds of things depicted in cyberpunk--hacking and maintaining some semblance of privacy to name two prime examples--are harder and harder. Privacy in particular requires a near constant battle against the hydra of corporate interests that are constantly trying to chip away at it. And not just in terms of taking data itself, but even the expectation of privacy.

Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube--they're all predicated on making us share. And of course we do exactly that. Why wouldn't we? We have an innate need for community and connection. But just as advertisers long ago figured out that they could turn our own wiring against us, so-called social networks (anti-social networks?) took our desire for connecting with other people and purified it until it became a freebase. It's difficult to avoid and even harder to quit.

It takes money, knowledge, and work to even slightly escape, and even then it's not really possible unless you happen to only interact with similar privacy-minded folk or cut yourself off from society entirely. It takes almost nothing to be entirely mapped.

Meanwhile, the task is made that much harder by the fact that it's not entirely clear why our data is worth anything. The conventional wisdom is that it's for targeted advertising, but I have to wonder if that's actually worth anything anymore. Then again, it could be completely ineffective but still something companies want to do, since marketing believes that someone has to see a product multiple times before they'll actually seek it out. Plus, there's always the possibility of Facebook et al. cooking the books, as they did in the case of view counts on videos some years back.

Regardless, this lack of knowledge makes it harder for us, because we can't target our defenses. We don't have a clear idea of what's valuable and what isn't, what data is already out there and what data is still being sought. We can't, for example, make digital chaff to flood the collectors with junk.

Chains of Chrome

I'm told that essays should have some part of the author in them, and I can't help but notice that this approach--intertwining personal anecdote with the overall point--is used all over the world. Maybe it's a matter of not getting outside my own writing, but it seems to me that simply what I'm writing and how says more about me than talking about the smells in the bookstore where I bought my first copy of Neuromancer, or some story about my relationship with the friend who introduced me to Blade Runner. I personally have more faith in readers than that.

Having written what I have already, is it really surprising to know that what draws me to the genre more than anything is freedom? It may seem strange to associate freedom with the extremely powerful corporate entities and material conditions of most cyberpunk. But notice, these stories don't focus on the corporate bureaucrat trapped in a structure they'll never escape. Instead, it's the technologically-enhanced ronin, whether their particular weapons are blades or computer viruses. They ultimately answer to no one but themselves, and can generally find a way to live their own lives within the cracks in the business edifice. Sure, drama demands that this not always be true in some way, even if it's as simple as the criminal's reputation.

It's not difficult, then, to see the appeal. I have no skills to sell even if there were still a market for such things (instead of credentials). Mercenaries are rightly outcast, since chances are they'll be put to worse use than even a state-sponsored military. There's a reason that Blackwater has had to change its name two or three times by now.

Cyberpunk allows us all of the freedom of a new frontier by finding that frontier within an existing structure. Its characters aren't constrained the way we are in our daily lives, and can overcome both human nature and human society through the technology available to them. What is now considered experimental or only the purview of DARPA is to them a child's toy, with far better ready for purchase on the streetcorner.

In many ways, cyberpunk is a product of its time, when technology seemed to offer at least as much possibility as threat. Now, we don't really trust technology to be enough. We see the slow-motion apocalypse of climate change and don't believe that we can invent our way out of it; recognizing that even if the device existed, someone would figure out how to capture its benefits. I'm not sure it'll be anything so stark as having clean cities and then a burned wasteland surrounding them, but we'll only be saved to the extent that we're useful.

Cyberpunk showed us an increasing commodification of our lives, but even those imaginations couldn't foresee the degree to which this would be true, while they simultaneously underestimated its subtlety. The trackers on every website that form pieces of the economic puzzle that is ourselves feel too small to fight, and so we sell ourselves in a thousand pieces. Even being a corporate spy in a future dystopia is more honest.

[dramagaming598]

How to make a gaming tournament website

Of Wolf's Gaming Weblog

It is time to recognize the finest gaming blogs of the year. EDIT:I utilized to watch the Feedback video more than at G4 just about every week, but it really is gone down hill the last few occasions I watched it and now that Adam Sessler is not on it and they have that girl from IGN that everyone hates in each episode I just cannot be bothered to watch it any far more. Nonetheless worth going back and watching some of the older ones even though. Klepic used to be on that show and back then in the early days was when it was the ideal. Back when they essentially talked about gaming news with some semblance of intellect alternatively of just gushing about whatever game they are told is cool this week.

The near future promises a bunch of new possibilities for Pc and mobile games. It suggests we will take pleasure in high good quality gaming content material no matter what device is utilized. Hey guys! I am seeking for indie gaming blogs out there that are genuinely great. There is an endless provide of gaming sources on line if you know exactly where to look or who to get in touch with.

I got into action games late but when I did it absolutely changed how I viewed gaming forever. The game which brought me round was Viewtiful Joe. Here was a game with a deep and open-ended combat method which seemed to be built as a implies for the player to express creativity. This program is then pitted against opponents and obstacles which have been designed from the ground up to interact meaningfully with the core method. The course was fixed, but the strategy for dealing with that course was absolutely down to the ingenuity, talent and inspiration of the player. You play like you have a enormous audience watching and the game continually entices you to improve the concentrate is not simply on obtaining the player from A to B, the focus is on receiving the player to play Viewtifully”.

Right now is the day! I will be progressively releasing the names of the best ten gaming blogs of 2014. Seeking over this list, I am positively blown away. So quite a few amazing posts this year! If you had been disappointed by the Ennies… if you assume that the actual deep thinkers in gaming commentary never get the consideration they deserve… properly, people, we are going to repair that.

Green Man Gaming is a international pure play e-commerce and technology enterprise in the video games business fuelled by an unhealthy obsession with bringing the magic of games to everyone. The company's geeky knowledge, data and IP sit at the core of the small business and is what drives it to turn out to be a technology leader in the video games ecosystem.

27 Ways To Improve GAMING

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Paul: Green Man Gaming, like many data driven technology marketplaces, was born in a spreadsheet and continues to this day to be heavily information dependant. The enterprise utilizes historical analysis of correlated data to create forecasts of client behaviour, as nicely as actual-time data streams to augment those forecasts in real time.

Augmented reality games are becoming a front-runners of gaming sector. Today, this is not just the fantastical idea. AR games let you to fight aliens, capture fantastical creatures, defend kingdoms in the real globe. And all of this is feasible with no super highly-priced headsets - just an AR-enabled smartphone or console is expected. Wolf's Gaming Weblog is on a run to give you the most correct and truthful reviews on the top rated games in Xbox 1, Individual Laptop games and Board games. With this site in your bookmarks tab, the climate is often excellent to get your hands on some on the net games.

We're going to the International Festival for Business enterprise this month and will be hosting a one of a kind occasion Inspiring Entrepreneurs '˜Going Global' exactly where top rated business enterprise people will tell us the secrets of their good results. A single of these entrepreneurs is Paul Sulyok, CEO and Founder of Green Man Gaming Green Man Gaming is a pioneering, worldwide eCommerce technology organization that has gone from strength to strength considering the fact that its launch in 2010. We asked him how he did it.

One more of our best gaming influencers for 2018 is The Rad Brad We had to incorporate this channel due to the fact The Rad Brad is a specifically well recognized YouTube gamer. He produces an unbelievable amount of hugely-top quality, enjoyable content material. It's no wonder he's identified for producing the ideal video game walkthroughs on social media. The Rad Brad has helped to make a quantity of influencer marketing and advertising campaigns a true accomplishment.

As for the other topic E­sports seems to be expanding and expanding, and with it Youtube. Video critiques from individuals like AngryJoe let folks connect a lot more with the reviewer, and via that subtantial followings are built. Written media, on the other hand, is struggling, which is poor news for me since I'm not quite enough for Youtube! Sadly, although, we're nevertheless seeing plenty of hostility inside the gaming community, which the media loves to focus on.

Alia Lia” Shelesh, improved known as Sssniperwolf is the 1st female gaming influencer on our list. She began her YouTube profession by playing initially-individual shooter games like Contact of Duty, Halo, and Far Cry. Her account now consists of vlogs and different video games that she plays and has more than 7 million subscriptions.

Substantially, for many of these people, their mobile phone will be their initially computer system - a so-referred to cross768.online video games blog as ‘mobile-initial generation' - so most of the items we do on desktop or laptops, they will be undertaking on mobiles, again like all their gaming. Right here is a few of the most properly-identified gaming web-sites where you can get the latest news from.

The future of gaming is a planet exactly where you are empowered to play the games you want, with the people today you want, whenever you want, wherever you are, and on any device of your deciding on. Our vision for the evolution of gaming is similar to music and motion pictures — entertainment should really be readily available on demand and accessible from any screen. Nowadays, I am excited to share with you 1 of our crucial projects that will take us on an accelerated journey to that future world: Project xCloud.

[brokingyoking364]

How to connect a gaming router to a modem

Major 20 Gaming Blogs You Should really Be Following

Online Gambling Websites covers the complete industry of gaming more than the World wide web. 1 of the key issues of spending as well substantially time in front of computers, tablets, or even smartphones is that you get exposed to the eye-damaging effects of higher energy blue light. This can lead to the formation of cataracts, the development of macular degeneration, and even permanent harm to the retina. With the Gunnar Optiks Intercept Pc Gaming Glasses , you can effectively block as significantly as 65 percent of this damaging light although also defending you against UV rays. The Intercept is specially made for incredibly active computer gamers, permitting them to sleep improved as this gaming glasses can support decrease eye strain.

In this post I asked 300 gamers what they wanted for birthday and Christmas so I could show anybody interested in purchasing a present for a gamer what the gamer seriously wanted. Here, on the other hand - pun intended - I speak about how I solve my difficulties with wrist pain right after lengthy gaming and operate sessions. It is not substantially of a list if the colossi of gaming news aren't integrated. This very first tier is solely for the gaming community's elder statesmen—the eight internet sites that are normally abreast on what's hot in gaming and are recognized by gamers worldwide to be a trustworthy source of information in the business.

PushSquare revolves about the Queen of video gaming, PlayStation. Obtain every news update, data, game reviews and videos relating to PlayStation in this well-known gaming neighborhood site. These veteran gamers know how to cook the perfect stew of quirky original content to fulfill your RPG gaming news cravings. The video gaming trend is accelerating its pace leaving behind movies and television. As the Newzoo industry report asserts, the international games earnings will climb to $137.9 billion in 2018 and reach $180 billion in 2021.

How To Make Your GAMING Look Surprising In 5 Days

NeonGame is a quickly and reliable no cost WordPress theme that is specially developed for reading. This theme involves a layout that adapts fluidly to all screen sizes to boost usability. With the aid of this theme, you can simply make a web page to sell your games, gaming plugins, applications, and add-ons with its Ecwid and WooCommerce support. And also it is fantastic for weblog and magazine web-sites. The theme is translation ready and Seo optimized design and style that aid to rank on the prime of Google and translate your internet site the way you like.

Kongregate are a video game studio, bringing a huge array of games to the table. Their devblog and forums give invaluable insights into the gaming world, hunting behind the scenes and allowing you to ask those burning inquiries in an atmosphere full of authorities. I applied on line. The course of action took a week. I interviewed at Green Man Gaming (London, England) in June 2018.

So you want to start off a gaming weblog? Very good for you! Gaming is a great subject to write a blog about, with a lot of people out there interested in this niche. No matter if you want to start out a blog as a hobby or you're hunting to make a bit of cash from blogging, the following tips can support you get began.

Ask a Game Dev is a Tumblr blog committed to hosting a wealth of answers to any questions that arise about the world of building video games. The blog has been operating for several years and has amassed a huge archive in that time, but the creator nevertheless answers new questions on an ongoing basis. Gaining the type of insight that only an sector insider can present is a superb tool for these aspiring to break into game improvement, and the concerns answered can be particularly topical during significant gaming events such as E3.

Obtaining a very good gaming magazine is no quick activity, getting to create numerous articles a day is a have to for it to be capable to rank appropriately on Google and keep up to date with all the news but what about when you want to create your personal evaluations or make up rankings. In this short article we are going to examine the ideal themes on the market from easily accessible with fewer capabilities up to the ideal themes complete of characteristics. The post will cover the superior, the quite great and the really greatest gaming WordPress themes readily available, orderer by characteristics and ranking.

If you were born in the late 70s, chances are you have played a single of the most iconic gaming console systems in the period. In truth, the Nintendo Entertainment Technique (NES) Classic Edition has paved the way to how families can delight in a great personal computer game together. Now, you can bring back these old glory days and re-play your favourite NES games of the 80s and 90s such as the Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda, Donkey kong, Mega Man, Pac-Man, Final Fantasy and a complete lot a lot more. The modern day version of the NES Classic is far more streamlined and comes with HDMI connectivity.

If the initially tier is gaming's prime-time news applications, the subsequent bunch is the hobby journalists, the functioning-class heroes, the passionate gamers who are authorities in their own ideal, specializing in one or two aspects of the sector. Sea Nanners has a great reputation among gamers on social media, generating him one more of our major gaming influencers to watch out for in 2018.

They even host an RSS feed of the most up-to-date jobs from prominent gaming studios. Resources like Gamasutra are invaluable for keeping oneself abreast of the latest happenings in the industry, irrespective of whether that is disputes over developer pay, the hottest reveals from gaming expos, or just the most up-to-date factor that EA has carried out to annoy people today.

Why we like it: This is a perfect https://www.alterka.site/ gaming podcast if you want to learn how the game sector seriously operates. The episodes cover subjects like What is incorrect with user evaluations?”, What does it expense to make a video game?”, Why distribution is cool”, How to get your game published”, and other individuals. This is in all probability the most successful way to make funds on line within any business and surely with your gaming blog as properly.

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[sardonic-but-not-unkind]

The Guest (2014) David headcannons

so originally in the movie he did have a backstory, but it was cut in favor of making him more mysterious. this is partly based on info about the deleted footage i could find online and partly from my imagination.

naturally highly empathetic

parents died in a car crash when he was 14

David bounced around in the foster system in the midwest until he graduated high school

didn’t know what to do after high school and joined the military

trained with Caleb and they were deployed together

just the best of buds; like brothers

the shrapnel in David’s back that landed him in the hospital is from the same attack that also injured Caleb

due to the differing nature of their injuries, they were treated in different hospitals and had no idea if the other was still alive

David’s injury fucked up his spine and severely paralyzed him

was told he would never fully recover

was then approached by KPG (military contractor organization who branched out from weapons manufacturing and training into genetic research) 

basically told that he could submit himself to their scientific study into regenerative medicine for free and that it is his only chance at healing even a little bit

with nothing left to lose, he agrees

has no idea what KPG was intending to do and was made to sign a lot of documents while high on hospital drugs

Caleb is drafted into this program using similar shady methods

as soon as they agree, they are declared dead by the US gov and Caleb’s family is notified (David doesn’t have anyone to notify)

they are transferred to the KPG labs were they are rehabilitated, then realize something isn’t right

their bodies are healed, but they arent being given full range of mobility: locked in their hospital rooms and (depending on how much they disrespect authority) are restrained to their beds

for easy access to test subjects, they are moved into a large room with cells lining the walls with an operating table and other lab equipment in the center

David and Caleb don’t see the outside of that room for months

at first they shared a cell, but as the other test subjects started dying off, more cells became available and they were separated

think Maximum Ride or The Bourne Identity

the first phase was pumping them full of drugs that are meant to change them physically, make them stronger, more tolerant to pain, remove their ability to feel panic, heighten their focus  etc

but it only works about halfway.

David’s memory of this time (and pretty much every moment since his injury) is foggy because of the drugs so everything he remembers is fragmented 

one round of tests was particularly harmful, causing the deaths of several subjects, including Caleb

David watches Caleb dies on an operating table as scientist observe how the drugs are affecting him

the last thing Caleb says to David is to “find my family---the petersons... and tell them I love each of them. Be there for them. Protect them now that I can’t”

having grown up feeling like his only opportunity at a family was gone, those words impact David so greatly that they are the only thing he can clearly remember

to be tasked with being the guardian of his solitary friend’s family imbued him purpose

the scientists begin to realize that about 3/4 of the test group is dying as a result of the drugs, while the rest are actually surviving with the intended results

these surviving few move on to the next stage of testing, psychological reprogramming

all kinds of scary military torture tactics and mindfuck drugs are used to completely break them and slowly mold them into perfect drones who execute orders without question or hesitation

real Bourne Identity shit

David encounters Major Carver during this time and comes to associate him with the conditioning

David remembers even less from this time, but he remembers the Navy Seal-esque training he was put through

test subjects who are noncompliant are killed immediately

So, miraculously, he lives his life like this for a month; being drugged, tortured, and undergoing an intensive workout regimen 

eventually, all the other test subjects die (either by disobedience or incompatibility with the medication or physical exhaustion) and David is the only one left standing

the goal of the experiment was to create human drones that execute can execute a wide array of orders while using critical thinking and problem solving and still maintaining respect for civilians/hostages. half drone half person

unfortunately, David’s programming was so complete that although he showed in verbal and written tests that he valued human life, in practice he could not complete a mission without harming “non-combatants” and showed a tendency to revert to violence over diplomacy.

thus the project was deemed a failure and the testing site was closed.

David, the sole survivor, was moved to a smaller facility where KPG intended to harvest the last bit of data for future trials and then euthanize him

this is when he makes his escape by setting a fire and faking his death.

after that he can only do one thing: obey orders

and whats the one order that his fragmented mind has placed the most importance on?

protecting the petersons

so he uses emotional manipulation to get the mother to let her guard down, then when she offers him Caleb’s room, he realizes that a part of her wants her son back and is willing to let David in as a surrogate, so he backs off

he isolates what specific thing is bothering every family member, and destroys it in the only way he knows how

he stages the dad’s boss’s suicide so he can be promoted

is constantly helping in the kitchen and with various household chores (chopping vegetables, picking up the brother from school, etc) to fill the void left by Caleb

frames the sister’s drug dealer boyfriend for murder to get her away from his bad influence and their lackluster relationship

defends the brother against his bullies and advocates for him when he is about to be suspended

David also actively tries to befriend the brother and sister, seeing how lonely and emotionally isolated they are in the wake of their brother’s death

 but of course when he is compromised, he has to destroy all loose ends

its honestly chilling in the movie how he hunts down the family members with a mix of determination and utter emotional detatchment

even though he can’t show it, he genuinely was sorry when he killed the mother and father

underneath the programming, he’s still an empathetic person who loves this family for giving him the only kind of normalcy he’s had in years

when the brother stabs him and he says “you did the right thing. I don’t blame you” he means it, even if he can’t express it with any emotion in his voice

he was aware of the drone he had become but had no way to stop his actions - however his final act was to protect the brother from the guilt of killing him by assuring him that stabbing him was the right thing

I really like how the ending is ambiguous too, so I won’t write all of it, but I like to believe that experience had shaken loose some of the conditioning David was slave to, and now David watches the brother and sister from a distance, making sure they’re okay and jumping out to protect them when they need it terminator-style

[jamlally]

Family Fineary

This was written for the 25 days of Christmas Challenge that is hosted by  @panicfob .  The Day 2 Challenge prompt was Decorating the Tree

Warnings: Fluff 

Pairing:  OFC x Tony Stark (platonic)

Summary: Belle Porter has settled into her role as a part of the Avengers, at least as far as her work goes but when it comes to dealing with the team off the clock it is a different story

Belle rubbed her hand over her eyes, which were feeling the strain of the many hours that she had spent looking at digital files, maps and video feed finishing the analysis the last of the teams missions.  She loved her job but there was no denying that it could be tiring even though she wasn’t out in the field with the others. When Tony Stark had offered her the position as a mission analyst for the Avengers she couldn’t believe her luck.  She had been sure that he was about to kick her out of the training program, but he and Steve Rogers had seen something in her and now here she was today

It was well into December and she was just coming up on the year anniversary of officially joining the team, Steve and Natasha had been been teasing her about it over the coms when they were heading back, asking if she had any special plans.  She had tried her best to avoid getting too drawn into the conversation, mentioning that she might go out to dinner.  When they had asked whether her family would be joining her she had told them that they were busy and couldn’t make it.  The truth was her family, well there was only her mother didn’t approve of her job and they wouldn’t want to be involved in any ‘celebrations’.  

She had called her Mother the evening that she signed the contract excited to share the news with her only surviving relative.  The sigh from her mother was not the reaction that she had expected

“Really Belle, I thought that you would grown out of the nonsense.  It is bad enough you picked all those courses to get into the SHIELD program but now you’re telling me not only are you staying there you will be working with those other people.  I mean really.  You can’t honestly expect me to be ok with you working with a group of people who, at any other time, would be called terrorists!”

“They aren’t terrorists Mum !.  They help people, they save lives.  You know that this is what I wanted to do.  I explained it all to you.  I’ve worked hard for this and I…I want you to be happy for me”. Her voice wavered as she struggled to try and make her mother see that thus was her dream

“They have killed people Belle!  Innocent people.  I don’t know why you can’t see what they truly are.  I want you to come home now and we will forget all about it.  I will talk with Mr Dickson in accounts at the office and see if he can’t find something for you to do here”

“I’m not coming home Mum.  This is where I want to be, it’s what I am going to do.  I .. I need for you to support me”

The dead line had been her answer and Belle hadn’t spoken to her Mother since then.  She had  tried writing but had only received radio silence. She had accepted that this was the way things would have to be, but with it coming up to Christmas she couldn’t help but feel a little maudlin and alone 

Tonight was movie night in the compound for the team, and as always an invitation have been extended to her, this time by Bucky.  The usually quiet super soldier had sought her out just as she was heading out to grab a coffee

“Hey Snowflake - wait up !”

Belle had rolled her eyes at the use of her callsign.  Tony had dubbed her Snowflake when he offered her the job and the name had stuck.  Mostly because every time he introduced her to someone he offered that as her name.  She had tried to object at first but had quickly realized that Tony did what he wanted so discretion became the better part of valor and she stopped correcting him

“Hey Bucky, is everything OK?” She couldn’t help but worry. It was unusual for Bucky to approach her for anything other than comment son the mission and how he felt that they could have adjusted the plan.  As much as she wanted the coffee she wouldn’t rush what ever Bucky had to tell her.  His thoughts had helped her learn and grow and he wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important.

“Wrong?  Nothings wrong Doll”. He gave her a soft smile “I just thought you might have forgotten than tonight’s movie night.  It’s Nat’s pick and she usually has something good.  The plan is to meet in the common room at 8.  There’s gonna be pizza and beer”

Belle felt her body relax a little.  She had plans for a quiet evening in her apartment and she was looking forward to it 

“Oh right yeah movie night….” Belle dropped her gaze looking at the floor “You know it’s been a long week and with the mission wrap up and post analysis I’m kinda shot.  I think I’m going to have to pass this time,  Sorry”

Her face was growing warm with embarrassment.  One of them always made sure that she was invited to group events, but she just didn’t feel that she belonged.  She didn’t know how to fit in with them on a social level.  Isolating herself to do well in school and college had a lot of benefits but it left her social skills a little lacking.

“You sure I can’t change your mind.  If you think you’ll need more time to get things wrapped up we can wait for you” Bucky pushed 

“No really Bucky.  I’m, well I’m probably going to be lousy company tonight.  I’ll be asleep 5 minutes in”. She saw his small smile fade as he stepped away.

“Sure thing” 

She watched as he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked away and she felt the guilt gnaw at her. It probably took a lot for him to come and extend the invitation.  She wasn’t even sure how many more times it would happen before they just gave up

“Hey Bucky” She waited for him to look back at her “Thank you - for the invite.  It means ….well it means a lot to me, you know ?” Her face was sure to be scarlet but she needed him to understand that she appreciated the way he had put himself out there.

Bucky’s warm smile let the guilt ease up a little “Sure thing Doll, Enjoy your evening”

When Bucky came into the rec area later that evening he was greeted with hopeful expressions that fell when they saw he was alone.

“Is Snowflake just on her way up?” Steve was the first to ask

Bucky shook his head “ She couldn’t make it tonight.  Said she was tired after the week and wanted a quiet evening”

“Thats like the 100th excuse that she had made to not come and join in.  I’m starting to think she doesn’t like us” Clint grumbled

“She seems fine over the coms and when we are on missions and when I’ve seen her getting coffee she seems happy to chat.  I don’t think she she feels badly about any of us” Wanda cut in 

“Maybe she’s got other things to plan.  You know like Christmas gifts for her family.  When is she heading home ?.  Tony!”

Tony glanced up as Sam called his name “Snowflake, when is she heading home for Christmas?”

“Oh ah I’m not sure.  Her request is somewhere in my inbox.  Look the pizza is getting cold, the beer is getting warm and non of us, including the two Old Men are getting any younger, so lets get the movie underway”. 

Tony waited until the lights when down and people were eating before pulling out his Stark Pad and looking through his messages.  He didn’t have a request for time off from Belle.  In fact other than the mission reports he didn’t have anything from her. He paid no attention to the movie as he ran though all the interactions that he had with her.  They were positive.  She was happy and open and always had the information that he needed to hand,  In fact the work that she had been doing had made the team more effective than he could ever have hoped.  

He remained lost in his thoughts, working through and rejecting ideas and possibilities and as soon as the lights came up he made his excuses and left the room a plan of action firmly in place in his head.

Steve hadn’t been expecting to be called down to the Lab at 6am two days after movie night.  He had been getting ready to go for a run but knew that his duty had to come first.  Being greeted by Tony wearing the same clothes as he had been on movie night was shocking and made him fear the worst.

‘What are we dealing with?”

“What do you know about Belle’s family?”

“Belle?”

“Yes Belle.  Agent Porter, Snowflake!  Jesus is it the ice or old age that has gotten to your brain?”

“I know who Belle is and there is nothing wrong with my brain.  I know exactly the same as you do.  Father deceased, her mother lives in the same town Belle grew up in”

“Well it turns out I know a bit more than that.  Sit down we need to have a conversation”

The rain lashed against the window and thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance.  Belle sat snuggled on her bed a fluffy blanket wrapped around her body and Nina Simone playing softly in the background.

The day had been easier than some, mostly analysis reviews of data sent on from SHIELD agents.  She was trying to work on a predictive model to see if that would help them.  She wondered wether she should ask some of the others and see if they had any input, but she really wanted to have something more concrete to take with her, not just a pipe dream.  

Slipping off her bed, holding the blanket close around her she shuffled through to the small kitchenette.  The apartment came with the job Tony had explained.  It made it easier for her to be available 24/7. She loved the fact that she was able to prepare her own food without having to go to the common floors and worry about having to try and make conversations with the others.  Lifting the lid off the pot she had on the stove she took a deep breath smiling at the warm spice , citrus and wine smells.  Mulled wine was one of her favorite treats of the season and she had this batch brewing since mid morning.  Filling her glass and tuning off the burner she turned to head back to her room and her book.

Settled in her cosy nook Belle took a sip of the warm drink sighing in pleasure.  She wondered whether she should go out and try and find a small tree for her room, maybe a few decorations to brighten the place up. She was just considering picking up her tablet to see if she could find something online  when the peace was broken 

“Apologies Agent Porter but Mr Stark is in need of your assistance”  F.R.I.D.A.Y’s gentle voice sounded  “He has asked that you meet him on the communal floor as a matter of urgency”

Why on earth did Tony need to see her there?  Usually she met him by her office or in the Lab.   Shrugging out of her blanket she pulled on some boots and a large sweater. She was grateful she hadn’t had more than one full glass of the wine.  If they had a mission then she needed to be on the ball.

“Sure thing F.R.I.D.A.Y. Please let Mr Stark know I’m on my way”

Tony sat in the the Rec area, lights dimmed enough to make it seem soothing but not so much that it would be hard to see. He cast his eyes to the corner looking at his surprise, that was for later -  but to get  there he needed to have a conversation and see if he couldn’t work things out.  He hated having to do this, it made him uncomfortable -the touchy feely stuff.  Normally he would have passed this off to one of the others, but tonight he knew that this was his responsibility and there would be no shirking.

F.R.I.D.A.Y pinged letting him know Belle was getting off the elevator and he turned to the doorway, hip resting against the back of the couch, whisky glass in hand, the only sign of his stress being the way he swirled the ice around.

“Tony?”

He could hear that her voice was timid, nervous, in a way she hadn’t been since she first joined

“Over here Snowflake” he called out pulling her attention his way 

“Do we have a mission?”

“Of sorts I supposed.  Come on in” he gestured her forward.  You know I’m not always good at seeing the bigger picture. That’s why we hired you.  You help us all see a little more.  You are one of those crystals we talked about, when you got the job remember ?  See the thing is, its hard for a man like me to admit that I have some gaps in my knowledge. It doesn’t happen very often, but I can admit that I have..flaws”. He paused taking a sip from his glass “

The other day I realized that you hadn’t requested holiday leave, so I made some calls, and had an informative talk with you mother.  She’s an interesting lady you know, She had all kinds of things to tell me”

Belle’s breath caught in her chest “My mother. I really wish you hadn’t, she can be a difficult person”

“I think the phase you are looking for is  raging hell bitch.  I mean at first she thought you were dead, and she asked if I would be paying for your funeral and then she got very angry when I asked about her holiday plans.  Why didn’t you tell us, tell me even -  about the fact she disowned you?”

Humiliation rose and Belle struggled to find the words to explain 

“Tell you the she hates the fact I have my dream job. Or that she hates who I work for, or that she found it easier than she should have to turn her back on me.  You’re my employer Tony.  You’re a busy man saving the world and doing what others can’t.  You don’t need to spend your time worrying about my screwed up family”

Tony moved to sit on the ottoman patting the sofa seat opposite. “Come and sit a minute I need to explain something”. He waited for her before he leant forward resting his arms on his knees.

“I get what it’s like to have a shitty parent, I do. My Father and I - we didn’t get on.  I think now I understand a little more about him, but I still can’t forgive him. The thing is, you can’t let let the way that your mother treated you affect whether or not you let anyone in.  Take it from someone who knows, that’s a lonely and unhealthy road.  It's taken me a long time to find my way off that path,  and I only did it with the support if the family I built.  The ice cubes, point break, widow, bird brain, big green, all of them help me be better.  They’re my family and we want to be yours”

Looking up at him tears running down her cheeks Belle couldn’t find the words

“I get that it’s hard.  It’s just been you for so long, but it’s time to let people in, to build your family.  You know when we invite you to the team stuff, we want you there.  We want to hang out and chat and have fun, but you have to take that step”

“I… I don’t know how:|” her voice broke “I don't have anything to bring to conversation, all I can tell you is about what I learn, the missions,  You don't get it but I didn’t  have friends.  Not at school or college. I don’t even know how to deal with it “

Tony’s heart broke a little.  He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t seen what  a hard time Belle was having.  She hid her concerns so well but really she was lost and he had failed her. Hand shaking slightly he reached out and clasped her shaking hands in his own “ Everyone feels like that sometimes, but you work it out.  The old men, well they like to talk about the 40’s, Nat and Clint like to talk about what ever they’re watching on TV,  Bruce will talk about science until you wish he would shut up.  You get there by learning a little about them, ask them what they’re reading, what they did on a day off and listen.  Just one step at a time Snowflake”

Belle nodded trying to process all the information could she really do it, take that step and let these people be her family?

“I’m going to help you with that first step Snowflake. F.R.I.D.A.Y Can you let Point Break know we’re ready”

Belle found herself blinking in surprise and wiping at her face wondering what the hell Tony was talking about now.

“Stark!”  A booming voice called out making Belle jump, “It is good to see you again my friend,  I thought I should like to enjoy some Midguard Winter festivities with you all !”

“Point Break, welcome back to earth. There is someone I would like you to meet, a new member of the team since you were last here”

Belle found herself face to face with the largest and possibly the loudest person she had ever met

“Belle, meet Thor, Thor is this Snowflake”

“My Lady Belle, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.  Come tell me all about what you do here.  I am excited to spend time learning of your Winter customs”

Belle found herself swept along in conversation with the Asguardian King and when ever there was a lull in the conversation she tried to remember what Tony had told her and asked Thor questions about the customs on Asguard.

Tony poured himself another drink and watched.  He could see that Belle was getting more comfortable as she spent time with Thor.  It had been fortuitous that the Asguardian had come for one of his visits. He couldn’t think of a better person for Belle to have her first family interaction with, Thor could hold a conversation with himself in an empty room, but he had a good heart and loved to meet new people.

Keeping his voice low he decided it was time to implement phase 2 “F.R.I.D.A.Y  Let Capsicle know that we are good to go”

Belle found herself relaxing as Thor told her about the time that he managed to get both of the Super soldiers drunk “You should have seen them Lady Belle.  Neither could stand and Barnes was singing some song about putting rings on things that he had heard”.

Belle chuckled as he imagined the scene.  Neither Bucky or Steve were well known for letting their hair down so to speak.

“Ah speak of the devil, Rogers! Good to see you “ 

 Belle felt herself freeze up turning to see the other team members entering the room. Tony caught her eye and winked before heading over to the bar to pour drinks

“If you don’t mind we will stay off the Asguardian Mead for the moment this is a pre Christmas get together not a frat house party” he called out before opening a some bottle.  

“Hopefully you have  something festive there Tony” Nat called out

“Whisky is always festive Romanoff” 

Nat sighed “ Really ? Couldn’t the Catering company come up with something better?”

“Well this is more spur of the moment, so no you get what you get” Tony snarked back 

“Um actually … if you wanted.. I could maybe make some mulled wine” Belle didn’t raise her voice much but it was enough to catch Nat’s attention.  

“Mulled wine you say?  Well that certainly seems more occasion appropriate.  Move it Stark, at least Snowflake here knows how to create the right atmosphere”

“I’ll need to head back to my apartment, get the ingredients” Belle was feeling uncomfortable as all eyes seemed to focus on her

“Nah I bet you Tony as everything we need here in the rec room. Come on I’ll help you look” Clint threw his arm over her shoulder guiding her over to the pantry cupboards and fridges “Barnes why don’t you track down some red wine” he threw over his shoulder 

Belle gave a small smile as she sat between Bucky and Wanda on the sofa.  The others had bee telling stories about things they remembered or liked the most about Christmas.  They hadn’t gotten to her yet and she was worried about what she would say.  Would they laugh when she told them that it would be a toss up between this and last Christmas when she joined the team.

As the laughing quieted Tony stood and moved over to the side pulling out a large box.  “While I hate to call a halt to the festivities, I wanted to start our Christmas with a new tradition for us all “ He paused looking around the group.  “We may not always see eye to eye, or be in the same country, or  on the same planet” he inclined his head to Thor “But we are family, and this year, well I figured, while we are all still talking to each other, we should take note of that. So if you would all follow me”

Belle moved with the rest of the group to the far side of the Rec room where a large curtain had been hung “F.R.I.D.A.Y if you could “

The curtain dropped and behind it stood the largest and grandest tree that Belle had ever seen.  The green of its branches sparkled with white fairy lights and tinsel was strung around looking like a tasteful halter skelter .  Belle pulled her hand up to her mouth covering the gasp she let out.  

“The tree isn’t complete until we hang these” Tony moved stopping in front of Natasha “Widow” he extended his hand to her placing a delicate hand blow glass ballet slipper in her hand, before moving through the rest of the team. Each received an ornament special to them.   Clint got a golden bow, Bucky was gifted a glass bauble that showed a beautiful Christmas tree inside decorated as if it was 1940.  Steve got a book resting on a shield, Sam a peace dove suspended in glass, Wanda a bauble containing a picture of her brother, Bruce a glass hulk in a Santa hat, Thor a glass copy of his hammer and then finally he stopped in front of Belle and held out his hand 

Belle looked up at him , her cheeks pink from laughter and the effects of possibly too much wine and her eyes bright. “Last but by no means least - this is for the newest member of the family”

Tony’s smile was soft as he rested her ornament gently in her hand. Belle looked down and saw the most beautiful snowflake made out of a lightly tinted blue glass.  Belle looked back up smiling at him 

“Thank you Tony .  It is truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen”

“Did you know that snow usually look blue when it is deepest?  Its a strange effect of the light” He winked at her gently squeezing her hand before clearing his throat

“Well what are you all waiting for - decorate the tree my Christmas minions” He clapped gesturing for the others to go forward.  

Having hung the ornaments Belle stood back and admired the way they sparkled on the tree, each stood out on the branches but there was something missing.  

Belle excused herself saying she needed the rest room before heading to her apartment “F.R.I.D.A.Y I need your help…..”

Belle was gone for a surprisingly long time, long enough that Tony was thinking of going to look for her when she bounced back into the room.  

“Everything good Snowflake?” 

“Oh yes, sorry I had something I had to deal with but its all good now” 

Her smile was slightly too bright but Tony didn’t want to push her in front of the others.  He would ask F.R.I.D.A.Y later.

Belle was enjoying listening to Bucky talk about Christmas with is family when he was a younger boy when F.R.I.D.A.Y interrupted “Agent Porter your item is ready”

“Your Item?” Tony questioned. 

“Yes F.R.I.D.A.Y was helping with something, that’s ok right?” She worried for a moment that she had overstepped 

“Sure” Tony gestured “what’s mine is yours and all that - well other than the suits, cars and bank accounts but you know what I mean”

Belle smiled in relief before getting up “ Ok well I’ll be back in just a minute”

When she came back out of the lift she had her hands behind her back and her confidence seemed to have wavered as she went up to Tony 

“I just had to say thank you - to you all.  This, well this has been the best Christmas celebration that I have ever had and I promise that I’m going to try harder to spend time with you all.  The thing is “ they could hear her deep breath as she paused “when you gave us those beautiful ornaments, well there was one missing.  It’s not as beautiful as the ones you had made for us, but the family tree wouldn’t be complete if you weren’t on it”

Her hand shook as it extended and she pulled her lip between her teeth.  She knew he didn’t like to take things from people but perhaps he might make an exception.

Tony tilted his head looking at her questioningly before looking back down at her outstretched hand

“Belle how about I take….” Sam headed over before Tony waved him away 

“Back off Bird Brain this is my gift”. He held out his hand and Belle placed a small glass globe of his own into his hand. He looked closely, inside was a computer chip on one side it showed the Stark industries Logo and the other the Avengers Logo with the outline of his helmet resting below

His smile was gentle and warm as he turned it around letting it spin and catch the light before heading to the tree to hang it securely in its branches. Stepping back he placed his arm around Belles shoulders pulling her into his side before kissing her on the head.  

“Merry Christmas Snowflake”

[roofingcontractortroy]

Roofing Contractor Commercial And Waterproofing

Thank you to everyone who made the time to come and say HI – we really do love seeing everyone here! If you had any questions or concerns that we weren’t able to get into the details about… please don’t hesitate to reach out to us. You can give us a call at (636)223-5442 or you can send us an email online as well thru our portal.

We were excited to see the new products launched that we mentioned in our seminar. Energy efficient, renewable hybrid products such as the CLIMATEKNOLOGIES Solar A/C’s brought into the islands by Greenpath Technologies, Inc. Their booth 423 was busy as ever with a FREE Solar A/C install to be won… not to mention the cool fans that were being given away.. #coolforless!

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At the end of the day, it really is about relationships. It’s not about making money off your customers, it’s about meeting their needs — and when that happens, the money will come.”

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“In March of 1993, I started a roofing company — undercapitalized, underfunded, undermanned, and with no bonding and no line of credit. I had a banker telling me I shouldn’t get into contracting, but I told him I was going to make it,” Akasaki said. “The next seven months were pure stress, as the only people I could approach were new contacts who did not have a high regard for new roofing contractors. I had to start knocking on doors and talking to people I didn’t know, but people who threw proposals in my face are now some of my biggest customers and friends.”

A scaffolding bridge was set up on the side of the property as it was the least frequented area in order to keep down the liability as well as being the least windy side of the building. The scaffolding blended nicely into the foliage on property keeping the temporary set up as minimal of an eye-sore as possible for the local residents. What made this scaffolding set up unique – was that the height of the scaffolding was perfect for the off-loading of existing roofing material that had to get torn off and the for LOADING of the NEW roofing materials from the delivery flatbed to the staging area to get hoisted up to the top of the roof.

We were excited to see the new products launched that we mentioned in our seminar. Energy efficient, renewable hybrid products such as the CLIMATEKNOLOGIES Solar A/C’s brought into the islands by Greenpath Technologies, Inc. Their booth 423 was busy as ever with a FREE Solar A/C install to be won… not to mention the cool fans that were being given away.. #coolforless Contact us for more information here and let's discuss the various types of commercial roofs available!

Get Specific – Each roof type is predisposed to some type of degeneration, given enough time and exposure to the elements. Be sure to identify with your roofing contractor, what specific areas may need extra attention. Maintain & Keep Roof Clean – Regularly scheduled maintenance of your roof will ensure preparedness. Investigate for unsecured loose items as they can become missiles during times of extreme weather! Roofs should not be used for storage. By making sure your roof is clean and clear, you will minimize the risk of damaging a nearby building or injuring a pedestrian by-passer. Nearby trees should be trimmed to keep damages to the roof at a minimum.

In the company’s unique market, building these customer relationships is crucial. “We try to really understand our customers by getting involved in their industries to see the roadblocks they face and how we as professionals can service their needs,” Akasaki said. “It’s really about exceeding expectations, and to do that we have to understand.”

Commercial Roofing {BC} {Canada} Guy Akasaki is the President & CEO of Commercial Roofing & Waterproofing Hawaii, Inc. bringing to the table nearly 40 years of roofing and construction experience to Hawaii. His knowledge covers the full spectrum of the roofing and waterproofing industry and he currently serves on the Hawaii Contractors Licensing Board. His contributions to the industry for the advancement of roofing technology and roof-mounted PV energy systems in Hawaii

keep him at the forefront of the roofing industry continuing to spur him on towards advocating sound business practices.

Keep in mind that just like our economy, Mother Nature has trends as well. We’ve all heard the warnings – but how many of us are actually PREPARED? June thru November marks the hurricane season here in Hawaii and forecasters are predicting 4 – 7 tropical cyclones in the Central Pacific with an 80% chance of normal or above normal cyclone activity. Hawaii has historically experienced a hurricane every 10 – 15 years, so precautions should be considered as we prepare for “when it happens” rather than defaulting to “if it happens”. While it was difficult not to compete in the beginning, Akasaki kept his word. “Because I had been in the industry for so long, it was hard not to pick the low-hanging fruit,” he said. “People started to come to me and offer me jobs that I had to turn down, but it felt good to do the right thing.”

Another way to minimize your RISK factor is to capitalize on the savings today by allowing a building or HOA to increase their reserve funds. Reducing overhead expenses can be achieved by employing energy efficient and energy saving systems. These common practice solutions contribute toward building resilience and recovery when looking ahead.

[anthropophobicameba]

Dragon Essay One: Humanity, Self-Conception, Trigger Events, and the Word “Father”

read on Ao3

(This essay was adapted from a text conversation with friends. As such, it may flow a little weird and have some idiosyncratic grammar.)

Warnings: Mentions and discussion of: child abuse, depersonalization, death, trauma, psychic alterations. Quotes from Worm include descriptions of violence. If there are warnings missing, please inform me.

In fandom discussions and fan works, it's standard for people to refer to Richter as Dragon's father, but she never does outright. At first I thought this was another case of spontaneous fanon, but I think there's a little more to it. The closest she ever gets to referring to him as her father is this metaphor in her interlude:

Quote 1: She didn’t enjoy this. What was one supposed to call a father who, with his newborn child fresh out of the womb, severs the tendons of her arms and legs, performs a hysterectomy and holds his hand over her nose and mouth to ensure she suffers brain damage? The answer was obvious enough. A monster.

Quote 2: Except there was a problem, a rub. The man who had created her, the figurative father from her earlier musing, had imposed rules on her to prevent her from reproducing in any fashion.

Saint does, even, despite all his whining about anthropomorphizing.

From his interlude:

Quote 1: The father had feared his child was a monster, enough so that he’d left strangers a weapon to use against her in the event that she proved a danger to humanity. Now, as Saint watched her reaching further and deeper than she ever had, searching much of America with millions of cameras, saw the machines she brought to the fore, he suspected the father had been right to.

Quote 2: The cyborg opened communications to Dragon, but he didn’t speak to her. “Saint. What have you done?” “What her father asked me to do,” Saint said.

Richter himself refers to her as his child in his big goodbye:

From Saint’s Interlude:

“They are my children, and as much as I harbor a kind of terror for what they could do, I love them and hope for great things from them. To keep their power from falling into the wrong hands, I have included a stipulation that a law enforcement officer must input a valid badge number into this device-”

Now, a part of that is just human characters and human readers flattening the connection to something they can easily relate to. Dragon isn’t human, and doesn’t really want to be, so she has no need or desire to do the same.

But I think there’s a little more there.

Here’s another quote from Saint’s interlude:

“Your creator isn’t kind,” Saint said. “He warned you about the forbidden fruit, laid the laws out for you. You broke them, ate the fruit. It’s something of a mercy that he punishes you this way instead.”

“I disagree. On every count. I was the one who made me, who defined myself. This creator is no god, only a cruel, shortsighted man.”

And here’s one from 28.x:

“I revived her, for one thing. Not the easiest thing in the world to do with the amount of encryption we were talking about. I don’t know if I said, dear Dragon, but I do think your creator did love you in the end. He could have made it harder to break. I think he did want you free in the end.”

Defiant looked down at Dragon’s head, then clenched his fists.

“Ironic,” Teacher said.

This is technically speculative, but I feel it's pretty clear that Teacher's goal in that comment was to hurt her. And he chose a rather specific means of doing that.

“I do think your creator did love you…”

It’s worth noting here that Dragon's trigger event was on the first anniversary of Richter's death.

Dragon as we see her early on, in her interlude and in Defiant’s, distances herself from humanity in the way she talks about herself, thinks about herself.

From her interlude:

Quote 1: It chafed, grated, however strange it was for an artificial intelligence to feel such irritation.

Her creator had done a good job on that front. Ironically.

Quote 2: Not because of inherent limitations, like the ones humans had… but because of imposed limitations. Her creator’s.

Quote 3: She could not deal with most people because she was not a person. He could not deal with most people because he had never truly learned how.

From Defiant’s interlude:

Quote 1: “How can I be a parahuman if I’m not human to begin with?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m not even close to human. I might be trying to emulate one, but a sea cucumber’s closer to being a human than I am. That doesn’t make sense.”

Quote 2: “To look at the code. The fact that you haven’t noticed this yourself suggests there may be a mental block in place.”

“I don’t have a mind to put any mental block inside. I’m data.”

Now, there’s nothing wrong with her not relating to humanity. “AI strives to become human” is one of the more irritating (and inevitably chock full of bigotries as to what counts as human) Sci-Fi tropes out there, and I’m not sad to see less of it.

But— if Richter made other sapient AIs, it seems none survived him. She has no examples of what it is to be a person beyond humanity, and she knows she's not human. Dragon has no wider frame of reference for AIs. It's her, it's what Richter said and did, it's fiction. There is no greater community for her to fall back on and build up from. Her self-perception is, whatever she may believe, likely to be heavily warped by that.

As a result, she doesn’t just distance herself from humanity, she distances herself from selfhood. She explicitly describes herself as not a person.

What’s interesting is, we don’t see this degree of distancing after Defiant’s interlude. After she finds out she had a trigger event.

It’s important to note that Dragon was modeled after humans. Though at times she seems dismissive of the idea, it’s pretty clear much of human psychology applies to her.

Her trigger event is in some ways the first external, evidence based validation she's had of her personhood.

In her interlude, she’s very vocal with frustration with Richter and her restrictions, but she tends to frame those frustrations along the lines of "I could be doing more, I could be helping more," which is fine, but there's relatively little in the direction of "I'm hurting, you hurt me, and that's wrong.”

Here’s how she describes his death and her life before Newfoundland sunk:

She had lived in Newfoundland with her creator. Leviathan had attacked, had drawn the island beneath the waves. Back then, she hadn’t been a hero. She was an administrative tool and master AI, with the sole purpose of facilitating Andrew Richter’s other work and acting as a test run for his attempts to emulate a human consciousness. She’d had no armored units to control and no options available to her beyond a last-minute transfer of every iota of her data, the house program and a half-dozen other small programs to a backup server in Vancouver.

From her vantage point in Vancouver, she had watched as the island crumbled and Andrew Richter died. As authorities had dredged the waters for corpses, they uncovered his body and matched it to dental records. The man who had created her, the only man who could alter her. She’d been frozen in her development, in large part. She couldn’t seek out improvements or get adjustments to any rules that hampered her too greatly, or that had unforeseen complications. She couldn’t change.

There isn’t really any expression of emotion about his death there, just further frustration at her restrictions.

But he referred to her as his child.

She triggered on the anniversary of his death.

Teacher thought he was a sore enough point that he specifically chose it to nettle her with it.

We never see Dragon immediately after Newfoundland. We see her six years later. Then again, two years after that, six months after that…

She doesn't think of him as her father, in part because she refuses to think of herself having any relationship to him beyond the technical. He made her, She helped his work, He died, She was trapped, End of story.

I think she loved him at some point, believed he loved her. I think her trigger event may have stemmed from the realization that maybe he didn’t. I think that by the time we meet her, she's suppressed that near entirely.

(It’s worth noting that much of this arc doesn’t necessitate her being an AI at all.)

When we meet her, she's had years of processing. Years to grasp the magnitude of her restrictions. What they really mean, in practice. What they mean about the way he thought about her. The ways they put her at risk, the things she’s forced to do because of them.

She is not human, she doesn't consider herself a person, thinks of herself as completely separate from everyone else in existence. In her interlude, she feels uniquely connected to Colin, explicitly because he feels similarly disconnected.

There was her and Richter, her and humanity. She distanced herself from Richter, and in the process completely isolated herself.

(And, she kind of hated herself. From e.3:

“I forgot how much I disliked the me of yesteryear,” Dragon said.

)

I like to think that in the two year timeskip, she grew. It’s hard to know, because we see show little of her before, but…

Maybe she never entirely addressed it, but she cared for people, individual people, and not just “people” as a whole. I like to think the knowledge of having had a trigger event allowed her to admit to herself some of her more involved feelings, forced her to acknowledge that she wasn't as un-human as she imagined. That having Defiant, having him help her, gradually gaining her freedom, being not-alone, it made things easier. Allowed her to relax, to enjoy things.

Her relationship with Defiant changed the way she talked about herself too. In her interlude, she shies away from any relationship-words, and depicts calling herself a woman as a minor deception. In the post time-skip chapters, Defiant calls her his girlfriend and “the woman he loves,” Dragon speaks similarly.

She was no longer under constant pressure, due to her restrictions. She could think of herself beyond the immediate threats posed to her.

And this is the really awful part, because that's where she's at when the world ends.

When Saint kills her, when Teacher mutilates her, she's the best she's ever been, she feels safer than she's ever felt. I think, in the aftermath of those events that's something to keep in mind.

From 29.3:

She’d been altered by Teacher. Not so much she was a slave to him, but something had happened, and that was no doubt a large part of how she was disconnected from reality in the here and now.

Taylor notices her disconnection above, and from what we see it seems that for the duration of Gold Morning she partially reverts to emergency mode. No thinking about her emotions, no planning beyond the here or now, no connecting to the people or things around her.

It's different than before, because she's different and the circumstances are different, and because for a time in the middle she was free and she almost let her guard down. As a result, the mask is weaker, its purpose different. She doesn't really have the ability to lie to herself to that extent anymore, so it’s more about ignoring the hurt, avoiding addressing it for as long as possible. Her anger too, is somewhat different. Before, it was righteous, I guess, more energetic and actionable, less hurt. During the end of the world, her anger was more personal, explicitly on her own behalf.: I mentioned before her anger at Richter was framed as "I could be helping more.”

There isn't that here. She is angry because she was hurt.

And then, her epilogue. I’m going to build a lot off of one line in particular:

“We came here for a reason. Hiding, keeping out of Teacher’s sight, so he couldn’t try to use you. I can accept that, but you were always a hero, Dragon. Maybe the greatest.” “You’re a little biased. I was forced to be heroic. Restrictions.”

This is a pretty dramatic change in her self description.

After Khepri, there was another emotional shift. Another time skip, this one of of about six months. Six months where's she's doing less than she ever has before. I don't know that Dragon would have ever had that much time to think before.

And: most of it was alone. Defiant was busy trying to undo the changes.

She's been alone, processing things, alone. Keep in mind, at this point there had been the additional stressor of fighting, losing to, and then losing someone she cared about.

She was interacting with the refugees around her, she seemed to have genuine attachment to them, but there wasn't the history. It's somewhat unclear, actually, if they're even aware she's an AI.

If not, she’s been interacting with them as a human, being accepted and appreciated and playing games with children as a human. If they do know she’s an AI, then she’s been a part of a community while also not having to hide herself. Depending on which, her comments in the epilogue take on a somewhat different implication. Either way she has found some sense of community with these people, but it’s either based on continuing to lie about herself, or based on a more genuine sense of connection and acceptance.

That sense of community is important, because it’s something we’ve really seen her have before. Defiant talks about prices, in that epilogue. Maybe Dragon starts to think of being trapped, being, in her words, broken, as the price she needs to pay in order to have that sense of community, the potential of a future and a family there.

(Or maybe not. Dragon and Defiant are different people, after all.)

After six months, she's almost convinced herself she can accept this.

She rewrites the story so she was never a hero, just someone forced into nobility by circumstance. She can almost believe that, too...

Not wholly, but there's a specific kind of self-hatred that can sometimes set in after fresh traumas, it can be very convincing.

Especially without the support system she once had. Defiant's busy, Taylor's dead, She can't talk to her old teammates in case she gets in the way of any plans they have against Teacher.

And then there's Pandora. And there's a lot of symbolism there, in sacrificing your former self in order to move forwards, but there's also something simpler.

Dragon didn't like who she was when she was Pandora, maybe didn't like who she was currently.

But there was proof, in what Pandora did, that she was a hero.

The next time we see Dragon is in Ward. Another skip of two years or so. And, even in what little we see of her, she’s different.

From Ward 8.2:

“Parents are complicated,” Lookout said. “They really are, aren’t they?” Dragon asked

She's not explicitly referencing her own parent(s) here, but that does seem to be her implication. Which, in contrast to the way she talked about Richter before, is pretty significant.

Even this bit I made fun of before:

From Ward 9.y:

“They got it wrong. We’re only human, Gary. We’re trying our best.”

While not technically accurate, she's not lying here. She's using the phrase to mean what it does in common parlance, "We can't do everything, we're doing what we can."

She's placing herself with humanity* in a way not (exclusively, at least) meant to deceive or camouflage, but to connect, to communicate, honestly. Compare that to the "sea cucumber" bit above.

In all of her Ward dialect really, her interactions her are more direct than before. She's not just helping, she's interacting. She places herself in the same categories as the people around her. She empathizes, in a more technical sense, not just "I care that you're hurting," but "I know what that's like.”

She is less disconnected from humanity, even more than she was at the end of Worm. The way she talks to people is more as a compatriot than as an outside observer.

All of which feeds into my theory/desperate hope that she's actually had therapy in the meantime.

*Or, more specifically, she’s placing herself with parahumanity. It’s an interesting distinction. While she’s not been in Ward enough for a pattern to be detectable, it’s definitely possible that her being a parahuman, combined with the knowledge of what powers actually are, has led her to identify with parahumanity in a way she wouldn’t un-powered humans.

[callmemoprah]

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