#and I already hate having to click reblog and switch it to post

[browneyesandhair]

This is torture! I want my quick queue button back and now it is there but not highlighted so I can’t click it? Jail. Jail for tumblr staff

[anim-ttrpgs]

Help Save the World of TTRPGs and Their Creators.

Okay I’m being a little dramatic, but at the same time I’m pretty serious. This is a call to action, and the livelihoods of myself and lots of other people, many of them (like myself) disabled, are depending on it. This is a post about why, what you can do about it, and (perhaps least often answered) how.

This post is actually an accompaniment to another discussion by someone else. If you don’t want to listen to a 90-minute in-depth discussion of much of what I’m about to tell you, you can just keep reading. Otherwise, click here or here and listen to this either before or after you read this post. (They’re the same thing, just different sources.)

If you have ever made or reblogged posts urging people to switch from Google Chrome to Firefox, you should be willing to at least give a try to other TTRPGs besides D&D5e for much the same principle reasons. I’m not telling you you have to hate D&D5e, and I’m not telling you you have to quit D&D5e, I’m just asking you to try some other games. If you don’t like them, and you really want to go back to D&D5e, then go back to D&D5e. But how can you really know you won’t like other games if you have literally never tried them? This post is a post about why and how to try them. If you’re thinking right now that you don’t want to try them, I urge you to look below to see if any of your reasons for not wanting to try them are covered there. Because the monopoly that WotC’s D&D5e has on TTRPGs as a whole is bad for me as a game designer, and it’s bad for you as a game player. It’s even bad for you if you like D&D5e. A fuller discussion of the why and how this is the case can be found in the links above, but it isn’t fully necessary for understanding this post, it’ll just give you a better perspective on it.

If you’re a D&D5e player, I’m sure at some point or another, you’ve been told “play a different game”, and it must get frustrating without the context of why and how. This post is here to give you the why and how.

[The following paragraph has been edited because the original wording made it sound like we think all weird TTRPGs suck.]

Before that though, one more thing to get out of the way. I'm going to level with you. There’s a lot of weird games out there.

You are gonna see a lot of weird TTRPGs when you take the plunge. Many of them try to completely reinvent what a TTRPG even is, and some fail spectacularly, others really do even up doing something very interesting even if they don't end up being what a core TTRPG player wants. But not every indie RPG is a Bladefish, lots and lots of them are more 'traditional' and will feel very familiar to you, I promise. (And you might even find that you like the weird experimental bladefish type ones, these are usually ideal for one-session plays when your usual group can't play your usual game for any reason.)

You're also going to probably see a lot of very bad games, and man have I got some stories of very bad games, but for now I'm just saying to make sure you read the reviews, or go through curators (several of which will be listed below), before you buy.

Now that that is out of the way, I’m going to go down a list of concerns you may have for why not, and then explain the how.

“I don’t want to learn a whole new set of rules after I already spent so much time learning D&D5e.”

Learning a new set of rules is not going to be as hard as you think. Most other TTRPGs aren’t like that. D&D5e is far on the high end of the scale for TTRPGs being hard and time-consuming to learn and play. If you’ve only played D&D5e, it might trick you into thinking that learning any TTRPG is an overwhelmingly time-consuming task, but this is really mostly a D&D5e problem, not a TTRPG problem as a whole.

“D&D5e has all of these extra online tools to help you play it.”

So what? People have been playing TTRPGs without the help of computers for 50 years. To play a well-designed TTRPG you won’t need a computer. Yes, even if you're bad at math. There are some TTRPGs out there that barely even use math.

“I’m too invested in the narrative and characters of my group’s current ongoing D&D5e campaign to switch to something else.”

There are other games, with better design made by better people for less money, that are the same kind of game as D&D5e, that your current characters, lore, and plot will fit right into and do it better. And no, it's not just Pathfinder, there's others.

“I can’t afford to play another TTRPG.”

You probably can. If you’ve only played D&D5e, you might have been made to think that TTRPGs are a very expensive hobby. They aren’t. D&D5e is actually uniquely expensive, costing more than 3x more than the next most expensive TTRPG I can think of right now. Even on the more expensive end, other TTRPG books will cost you no more than $60, most will cost you less than $20, and a whole lot of them are just free. If you somehow still can’t afford another TTRPG, come to the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book club mentioned below, nominate the game, and if it wins the vote we will straight up buy it for you.

(By the way, if you had any of the above concerns about trying other games besides D&D5e, that really makes it sound like you are in a textbook abusive relationship with D&D5e. This is how abusers control their partners, and how empires control their citizens, by teaching you to think that nothing could ever get any better, and even though they treat you bad, the Other will treat you even worse.)

“If I don’t play D&D5e, which TTRPG should I play?”

That’s a pretty limited question to be asking, because there will be no one TTRPG for everything. And no, D&D5e is not the one TTRPG for everything, Hasbro’s marketing team is just lying to you. (Pathfinder and PbtA are not the one system for everything either!) Do you only play one video game or only watch one movie or only read one book? When you finish watching an action movie like Mad Max, and then you want to watch a horror movie, do you just rewind Mad Max and watch it over again but this time you act scared the whole time? No, you watch a different movie. I’m asking you to give the artistic medium of TTRPGs the same respect you would give movies.

“I want to play something besides D&D5e, but my friends won’t play anything else!”

I have several answers to this.

Try showing them this post.

If that doesn’t work: Make them. Put your foot down. This works especially well if you are the DM. Tell them you won’t run another session of D&D5e until they agree to give what you want to do at least one try instead of always doing only what they want to do. This is, like, playing 101. We learned this in kindergarten. If your friend really wants to play something else, you should give their game a try, or you’re not really being a very good friend.

If that doesn’t work, find another group. This doesn’t even mean that you have to leave your existing group. A good place to start would be the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club which will be mentioned and linked below. You can also go to the subreddit of any game you’re interested in and probably meet people there who have the same problem you do and want to put together a group to play something other than D&D5e. You might get along great with these people, you might not, but you won’t know until you try. Just make sure to have a robust “session zero” so everyone is on the same page. This is a good practice for any group but it is especially important for a group made of players you’ve just met.

“I only watch actual plays.”

Then watch actual plays of games that aren’t D&D5e. These podcasts struggle for the same reasons that indie RPGs struggle, because of the brand recognition and brand loyalty D&D5e has, despite their merit. I don’t watch actual plays, or else I would be able to list more of them. So, anyone who does watch actual plays, please help me out by commenting on this post with some non-D&D5e actual plays you like. And please do me a favor and don’t list actual plays that only play one non-D&D5e system, list ones that go through a variety of systems. The first one I can think of is Tiny Table.

“I can just homebrew away all the problems with D&D5e.”

Even though I want to, I’m not going to try and argue that you can’t actually homebrew away all the problems with D&D5e. Instead, I’m going to ask you why you’re buying two $50 rulebooks just to throw away half the pages. In most other good RPGs, you don’t need to change the rules to make them fun, they’re fun right out the box.

“But homebrewing D&D5e into any kind of game is fun! You can homebrew anything out of D&D5e!”

Firstly, I promise that this is not unique to D&D5e. Secondly, then you would probably have more fun homebrewing a system that gives you a better starting point for reaching your goal. Also, what if I told you that there are entire RPG systems out there that are made just for this? There are RPG systems that were designed for the purpose of being a toolbox and set of materials for you to work with to make exactly the game you want to make. Some examples are GURPS, Savage Worlds, Basic RolePlaying, Caltrop Core, and (as much as I loathe it) PbtA.

“I’m not supporting WotC’s monopoly because I pirate all the D&D5e books.”

Then you’re still not supporting the smaller developers that this monopoly is crushing, either.

Now, here’s the how. Because I promise you, there’s not just one, but probably a dozen other RPGs out there that will scratch your exact itch.

Here’s how to find them. This won’t be a comprehensive list because I’ve already been typing this for like 3 hours already. Those reading this, please go ahead and comment more to help fill out the list.

First, I’m gonna plug one of my own major projects, because it’s my post. The A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club. It’s a discord server that treats playing TTRPGs like a book club, with the goal of introducing members to a wide variety of games other than D&D5e. RPGs are nominated by members, then we hold a vote to decide what to read and play for a short campaign, then we repeat. There is no financial, time, or schedule investment required to join this book club, I promise it is very schedule-friendly, because we assign people to different groups based of schedule compatibility. You don’t have to play each campaign, or any campaign, you can just read along and participate in discussion that way. And if you can’t afford to buy the rulebook we’re going to be reading, we will make sure you get a PDF of it for free. That is how committed we are to getting non-D&D5e RPGs into people’s hands. Here is an invite link.

Next, there are quite a few tumblr blogs you can follow to get recommendations shown to you frequently.

@indierpgnewsletter

@indie-ttrpg-of-the-day

@theresattrpgforthat

@haveyouplayedthisttrpg

@indiepressrevolution

Plenty of podcasts, journalists, and youtubers out there do in-depth discussions of different systems regularly, a couple I can think of off the top of my head are:

Storyteller Conclave (I’m actually going to be interviewed live on this show on April 10th!)

Seth Skorkowsky

Questing Beast

The Gaming Table

Rascal News

Lastly, you can just go looking. Browse r/rpg, drivethrurpg.com, indie press revolution, and itch.io.

Now, if you really want to support me and my team specifically Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy, our debut TTRPG, is going to launch on Kickstarter on April 10th and we need all the help we can get. Set a reminder from the Kickstarter page through this link.

If you’re interested in a more updated and improved version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy than the free demo you got from our website, there’s plenty of ways to get one!

Subscribe to our Patreon where we frequently roll our new updates for the prerelease version!

Donate to our ko-fi and send us an email with proof that you did, and we’ll email you back with the full Eureka prerelease package with the most updated version at the time of responding! (The email address can be found if you scroll down to the bottom of our website.)

We also have merchanise.

[relaxxattack]

ok yeah lots of memes about how the shitty new UI is literally a direct carbon copy of twitter and we hate it because of that, yea yea

here’s some actual/extra reasons why the UI itself is shitty beyond the fact that it’s stolen from twitter (in just my personal opinion)

it’s claustrophobic as hell. the old UI felt breathable, felt like you could scroll and actually look at your posts, and now there’s enough shit going on on one page that it actually gives me a headache. (i’ve heard other people say this as well, so maybe it’s not just me that’s overstimulated by all the fucking noise on the dash?)

the ‘dash sorting’ (for you / your tags / what you missed) is way too high up the page now and appears crowded against the top where things like the bookmarks bar are on most browsers. not that anything in this new UI isn’t crowded.

i’ve seen it mentioned plenty already, but there’s quite a lot of unnecessary duplication-- as in, the same buttons that exist in the new left navigation panel show up on the right in blog view, which is just completely annoying and unneeded clutter.

the fact that post interaction options are all on the right side of the posts, but dashboard navigation is now all pushed to the far left of display, is extremely annoying. i’m right-handed, so it’s extra annoying for me to have to constantly go all the way over there. maybe that’s easier for left-handed people, but if the case was supporting diversity, why not just put an option in dashboard preferences to switch the side of ALL the controls? because the post interactions are still on the right.

while we’re on the subject-- tumblr’s original design was actually MUCH more intuitive and easy to navigate. the reason for this is that everything you needed to click was in one small area. you scroll up and down the dash, move slightly up to navigate (home/asks/notifications) and slightly down to the side to interact with a post (reblog/reply). extremely simple, easy to use, even ‘lazy + addicting’, which is what all social media studio exes are supposed to want right now. changing the ui to actually be more work and more frustrating to navigate seems completely opposed to what their obvious business strategy should be.

tumblr’s original design was also much more breathable, with the small icons in the corner looking organized and not taking up much space, and lots of room for the posts themselves to be the main attraction.

there’s the fact that copying someone else’s brand entirely actually just puts you in a bigger, wider pool with much more competition, and makes you much more likely to immediately fall short of that and go bankrupt.

tumblr's original purpose was to be geared toward blogs, and these updates, along with the writing on the wall about blog themes being completely phased out soon, is completely against the original purpose. although sometimes website purposes change for the better, so take that as you will.

and finally the obvious point that you can tell from all the memes: this change is almost universally hated by the core tumblr userbase-- aka the site’s loyal consumers for years and years. driving out their main demographic seems like a very obvious, very quick way to lose a lot of fucking money. they also did this “carbon copy of twitter” update literally just a week after sitewide protest about the idea of this site being anything like twitter, so it feels like a massive Fuck You to literally all of the users. tumblr is rapidly approaching their trust thermocline, and show no sign of slowing down.

these are just my opinions about the ui, and i’m only one person. so feel free to add on other design flaws you think people should be aware of or able to mention! i will probably also be submitting this post as feedback to staff, and will be taking their surveys when i can as well.

[moniibu]

Reader finding out that Yan Bully is being sweet to them, kisses Yan Bully and is slowly falling for them?

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY X FEM READER *:･ﾟ✧

this is based on my other works, which are on my page. i plan on making a masterlist soon where you can just click.

things to watch out for: yandere themes, bullying, lovebombing(?), possessiveness, delusions, etc.

word count: i’m a little too lazy to do a word count this time 😅, but we both know it’s over 1k

summary: you and *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ have had a few rough patches. all of a sudden, her demeanor has switched, leaving you confused, angry, and captivated.

notes: hi everyone !! i am so sorry i took so long to make this request as well as make more parts for *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧, since you guys like her so much. i’ve been busy with school and personal things so i haven’t had that much time until now to write this.

thank you once again anon for sending in a request! it means a lot to know how much you guys like my work.

this isn’t an official part two to the last request post i made, but i will be referencing from it, so make sure that you read it so you know what i’m talking about.

this honestly goes more with the second one rather than the ask itself, but they’re similar, so i added them both.

reblogging/reposting is appreciated, and like this anon here, if you would like to see anything specific, just request since requests/ask ARE OPEN !!

someone commented about the name a while ago, but this was already made, so i might use the name in the next post if i make another post about *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧

remember, this is a LESBIAN post, so MEN & MEN ALIGNED PEOPLE DNI!!

thank you guys all sm for the love and support!! i hope you enjoy this next post, *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY X FEM READER *:･ﾟ✧ !!

it’s been two weeks since the whole “buy me food or else” incident, and ever since then, it’s been like hell. you hated *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧. you hated the way that she purposely targeted you, or the way she made sure that you were alone from everyone else so that you would have to be by yourself. you hated the fact that you had to personally change your route to school just so she would leave you alone.

you hated *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧, loathed her even, and you were sure that she felt the same way. that is, until she started following you around like she was your own personal bodyguard. instead of bullying you like she used to, she now had a possessive streak.

she no longer targeted you. instead of making you eat alone, you were now forced to eat with her and the rest of the delinquents. you were now forced to sit with her when you two shared a class. you two “coincidentally” started sharing a gym class? now no one wants to be your partner —which is thanks to her— only leaving you with picking *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ as your partner.

you hated it. she went from being the biggest migraine to completely controlling your life. in fact, the change in *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ actions only fueled your hatred more than it was before. you knew you needed to get rid of this version of *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧, and fast. or, at least back to where you two weren’t as close as she tried to force now.

you secretly tried to find a way to get rid of *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ once and for all, or at least tried too. *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ saw all of it, and quite frankly, she thought it was kinda cute. did you really think you would be able to get rid of her? she likes you, and will do anything in her power for you to feel the same way and understand how much love she has for you.

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ thought it was funny at first, until she realized that means she failed in giving you an understanding that you were hers. she wanted to love you and protect you. she wanted to cherish you, and if given the chance, provide for you. she failed at letting you know, but there’s nothing money and connections can’t fix, and she has plenty of them.

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ first starts harassing your friends into giving her information on what you liked. the ones who did got things in return, like getting full marks for the month or being ranked top 10 in the school. the others who decided to keep their mouths shut while *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ was being nice? they were either pulled from their sports and clubs, or purposely given bad grades unless they gave up information. the ones who still wouldn’t let up were given a talking to by some of *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧’s other “friends”.

a couple of people dropped you while others looked at you in disgust. you were shocked and confused. you didn’t know what happened, or what got your friends to act like this until you realized that this must be one of *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ doings.

honestly? you were embarrassed and blue. why would she do this? what did you do that was so terrible that not only did she bully you and force you to buy her food, but now she decided to alienate your friends from you? you had enough. you decided you were going to confront her right after the day was over with.

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ locked herself in the bathroom. after getting information from your friends, she personally dressed herself to make sure that she was your exact type. she wanted you to blush the second you saw her, for you to look at her and get all coy the way she does —internally— with you. after finding out you liked people with curls, she went to the salon that exact day to make sure it was perfect.

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ had on a black compression shirt, outlining her muscles. she knew you had a thing for them, and wanting to show them off so she could prove to you that she was strong and could take care of you if needed. she was nervous. so far, she’s done a 180. it might come as a surprise to you, but she genuinely wants you to know and see how much she wants you.

once *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ believes that she looks good, she grabs the bouquet of red roses and her gift bag of a necklace that she knows that you’ve been eyeing. she hopes that you don’t reject her.

after all, she’s *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧, there’s no way you could reject her. sure, she would be upset, but she knows deep down that you love her. you rejecting her —if you do— just means that she has to try again until she gets it right.

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ walks down the hallway with her head held high. she’s confident, and gotten rid of everything that might ruin what could come true.

you on the other hand are a complete opposite from how *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ is feeling. anger is pulsing through your veins, and you can’t wait to see her so you can demand answers on why she did what she did.

you walk down the hallway and see *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧. while she has a mixture of happiness and being flustered on her face, you on the other hand mismatch her energy. *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ can see it, and her mood immediately changes.

“*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧, get over here, now. let’s talk.” you leave no room for argument, anger clear as day in your voice.

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ follows behind you silently like a kicked puppy. she’s usually angry, cold, and walks around with an “i don’t care” attitude. yet here she was, wondering what it was that she did that make you talk to her that way.

you lead *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ to an empty classroom. after she walks in you shut the door behind you. “sit. we’re going to talk and you will explain yourself. i don’t care if you want to or you “don’t care”, but we’re not leaving this room until you say something.”

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ does as you say. she sits down, and waits for you to speak, which is a first for you. you look at *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧. the sight of her makes you sick and angry to your core, but you wanted answers, no matter how rough the situation might go.

you may want answers from her, but after all, she’s a bully. you two are alone, and if she wanted to, she could beat you up and leave you the classroom in pain. you think about how to go about it without making something wild like that a possibility. you begin to tear up. all the emotions you’ve been holding back begin to crumble. your walls are beginning to break, and the reality of the situation finally hits you. the woman in front of you purposefully bullied and targeted friends and people you knew, and for what? a bouquet of roses? a necklace?

you don’t say anything at first, but eventually you feel your eyes water, which turns into tears running down your cheeks. you may look like a crybaby right now, but you don’t dare to wipe them. you want *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ to know exactly how much pain and heartbreak she has caused you.

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧’s heart breaks at the sight of your tears. she’s never wanted to cause you this much pain. the fact that your crying over her actions makes her want to take her anger out on someone. she made you cry, which makes her feel like an ass. *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ may act like a bully and that she doesn’t care about anyone or anything, but the sight of you crying is making her feel something she hasn’t felt in a long time:

guilt.

she doesn’t say anything, but looks bewildered when you say something. *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ lifts her head up, asking for you to repeat yourself.

“i said, why.” a sob comes out of your throat, but quickly switches to anger. “WHY. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU THAT HAS MADE YOU LIKE THIS.” you shout. “WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU THAT HAS MADE YOU TARGET ME.”

it was the first time *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ has seen you show an ounce of actual emotion. the question catches her off guard, and all she can do is muster out a “what?”

“stop acting dumb.” you sneer. “everyday when i come to school you’re right in my face, picking on what i’m wearing. when it’s lunchtime, you purposely drag me to your table, even when you know i don’t want anything to do with you or your other delinquent friends. you then target my friends and bully them, for what? a gift? and you think that a twenty dollar bouquet of roses and a necklace will make up for everything you’ve done?”

“w-what? no! that’s not why i did it.” *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ banters, or at least tries to. “you have it all wrong. please, let me explain.” *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ gives you a pleading look, and the only thing you can do is agree in response.

“fine. that’s why we’re here, aren’t we? explain yourself.”

“okay. it was like that in the beginning. i did hate you. i hated the fact that you acted so nice, even when people gave you a look that meant that they hated you, and i know you could see it too. i hated how you smiled to everyone. i hated how you had a calming vibe and for once in my life, you were a person that didn’t make me immediately hate them. while i was hating you, i didn’t realized that i loved you, and because i didn’t understand that feeling, i took it out on you.”

by now, *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ is on the verge of tears herself. “stop crying. you have no reason to cry. you were purposely rude just because you could be.” the look you gave *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ was full of disgust and shame. instead of acting like she didn’t care, she switches up, grabbing your wrist desperately. “please! i’m sorry! please, give me a chance! i know you don’t believe me but at least let me at least prove it to you.”

before you could say something to combat her, she shoves the roses in your hands. “please, give me a chance to prove to you that i don’t actually hate you. i want to let you know that i’m truly sorry.” before you can say anything, *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ gives you a peck on the cheek and walks out of the classroom.

at first you didn’t believe her, but *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ kept true to her word. she’s a delinquent after all, so when it came to your friends, she could care less. but with you? *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ changed up her whole act. it began with her giving you a small smile before you walked through the door. she would look at you lovingly if you walked past her.

as for the gifts, she brought you one each day. the first day, it was a pair of earrings from a store you liked. the second day, it was a coat from a store you were window shopping at. each day it was something you longed for, or it was something little that showed you that she was paying attention to you.

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ has become desperate. she had been bringing you gifts, smiling at you, and even staring at you. she was beginning to think it didn’t work until you grabbed her hand, leading her towards the classroom you took her to two weeks prior.

“I don’t forgive you, at all. what you did has hurt me, angered me, and irritated me. you still have a lot to make up for if you want me to forgive you.”

“i understand.” *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ says. “i’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if that means that you’ll forgive me.”

you stand on your tippy toes, reaching towards *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧’s lips, giving her a kiss. “thank you for the gifts. i appreciated them.”

you look away shyly before pulling away, or at least try to. before you can pull away, *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ grabs your arm harshly, smashing her lips onto yours. she grabs your waist, pulling you as close to her as you physically can. she grabs your arms and puts them on her neck, kissing your jaw and your cheeks before going back to your lips, kissing them once more. *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ rubs the sides of your waist, asking to put her tongue inside your mouth.

you grant it, and for what seems like forever, the two of you have a make-out session that makes it feel like you two are in your own world. *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ moves forward, almost demanding more. your tongues move in a frenzy, and while you hate to admit it, you’re enjoying the kiss yourself. you rake your hands through *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧’s hair, which makes her moan into the kiss.

your let go to break for air and stare at *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧. you look at her before she grabs you in her arms, hugging you like a lover. “don’t worry. i’ll make it where you’ll see my actions and immediately know it’s love instead of doubt.”

“i’ll know it when i see it.” you scoff. outside, there was someone that saw your make-out session. you didn’t see it, but *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ surely did. she looked at that person with a haunting look in her eyes, almost daring them to try and fuck with her.

*✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ was happy that you accepted her. you may not have accepted her fully, but it was a start. maybe you should’ve went with your instincts and removed her from your life forever. *✧･ﾟFEM YANDERE DELINQUENT/BULLY *:･ﾟ✧ had just gotten a taste of you, and she was already addicted. now that she had you in her arms, she was never letting go.

you were hers.

forever.

*✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:

*✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*:･ﾟ✧ *✧*

this idea was made and created by @moniibu. all rights reserved to @moniibu, and you are NOT allowed to steal, copy, or translate this work.

January 2024.

[liaromancewriter]

Regrets

Premise: When Max agrees to date other people, Sienna can’t help but wish for what could have been.

Book: Open Heart (post series) Pairing: Sienna Trinh x Max Valentine (M!OC) Rating/Category: Teen. Angst Trope: Pining Words: 690

A/N: I was re-reading New Year’s Eve and it put me in the mood for writing a fic full of delicious pining, set during part 3 of Love Somebody. Inspired by Prompt 862 from @creativepromptsforwriting: “The sound of the steady rain on the rooftop suddenly made her feel homesick.” Tagging for reblog to @creativepromptfills​

Sienna Trinh lay in bed watching the hands on the clock slowly creep forward. If she listened hard enough, she could hear the tick, tock from its internal gears crashing against each other. But the sound would only remind her that she had to leave her bed and get ready for work.

She couldn’t make her body move when her heart was broken. More than broken. It was shattered. Sadness filled her in a way it never had before, not even when she’d ended her relationship with Wayne. Then, she’d felt relief. Now, everything was dark and hopeless and she wasn’t even sure why.

No, that wasn’t true. She needed to stop lying to herself. It was all her fault and pretending wouldn’t change anything.

The sound of the steady rain outside suddenly made her feel homesick. But it wasn’t for a place. It was for a person who could have been hers if only she’d been brave enough.

She closed her eyes, her mind transported to last summer. The feel of his skin as his hand clasped hers. The brush of his lips, the taste of him. His body pressed against hers, his heat surrounding her.

That night as they’d left the club and walked back to his apartment, soft rain had started to fall before turning into a deluge. Almost home, his hold on her hand tightened and they began running, laughing the whole time as they rushed inside his building, dripping water on the marble floor in their wake.

She loved laughing with him; the deep, rumbling sound lifting her spirits. She would do anything to hear it again.

Pulling the covers over her head, she unlocked her phone and scrolled down to the last message he’d sent her a couple of months ago letting her know everything was set.

Their plan to fool the tabloids had been successful so far. Maybe too much.

She switched to the Pictagram app and clicked on the HSTea feed. Their latest post showed Max Valentine in the arms of another beautiful woman and speculation about his revolving love life rife in the comments.

Her eyes traced his features, seeing past the smile to what others couldn’t. How much he hated this. She had asked and he’d protested, telling her they would find another way. But in the end he had agreed to do this for her. Only her.

And in doing so, she’d pushed the final nail into her heart because now she had to live with the results. No matter how much they’d said it was temporary, looking at him now she knew he would find someone more worthy than her.

Whoever she was would be lucky because he’d give her everything that was in his heart to give. As for Sienna, she would put on a smile and get through it because he was her friend first. She wanted him to be happy. To have love.

It was just too damn sad that she had loved him first.

Sienna Trinh loved Max Valentine and wanted to belong to him forever. And he would never know because she had been too much of a coward to say the words when she had the chance.

She told herself that while Operation Fake Tea played out, there was a still hope for them at the end of it. But that lonely voice inside her, the one that came out when she was at her lowest, said she’d already lost him.

Sienna heard her roommates outside her bedroom, the sounds muffled by the rain. She should get up and join them as they headed out for their shift. Instead, she did what she had never done in all her years. She called in sick.

Placing the headphones over her ears, she let her mind drift to a smoky bar and dancing in the arms of the man she loved; to late night texts and video calls that made her heart flutter; and to feeling safe in his arms on a rooftop under a moonlit night.

For those brief moments, she was happy. For now, it would have to be enough.

Perma-tags: @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @forallthatitsworth @queencarb @potionsprefect @quixoticdreamer16 @schnitzelbutterfingers @mainstreetreader @bex-la-get @headoverheelsforramsey @thegreentwin @dorisz @custaroonie @takemyopenheart @jerzwriter @mm2305 @a-crepusculo @rosebudde @lucy-268 @crazy-loca-blog @writer-ish @wanderingamongthewildflowers @trappedinfanfiction @rookiemartin @anonymousrookie @natureblooms24 @coffeeheartaddict2 @mysticalgalaxysstuff @lady-calypso @sincerelyscarring @beezybean

Max & Sienna only: @gryffindordaughterofathena @utterlyinevitable

@choicesficwriterscreations​ @openheartfanfics

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with tatooedlaura (Laura Sprys)

Laura has 28 fics at Gossamer, but the big treasure trove of her stories is at AO3, where she has 193 fics. Thank goodness for the richness of the X-Files and for talented, creative people like Laura who can find so many interesting ways to tell tales in the show’s universe. Big thanks to Laura for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Maybe reading mine but reading older fic in general is something I still do and something I still find entertaining. I do wish i could get into my old fics and post a warning that some of those were written before the author: ever had a drink, ever had sex, ever had a boyfriend, ever lived on her own, ever had a real job, or ever experienced much of anything in the real world.

Then again, fanfic is a perfect time capsule for the age and it’s always fun to see where the originals started and how they’ve grown.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

Back in the day and up and through today, it has always been a fun experience. From it, I’ve learned to love writing. I’ve learned that fans are crazy, weird, wonderful, generous, talented, committed, passionate, and imaginative. In a fandom, you can think whatever you wish and write about anything you like and because I’ve been around so long, I’ve gotten to watch the storylines shift and the relationships change ...

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Originally, I never had much interaction with people other than ones who sent emails commenting on my fanfic … the internet at my parents house was dial-up and I had to access through the AOL free disks that arrived in the mail so, for the most part, I didn’t have the bandwidth or the connection speed to do more than upload stories and download episode guides.

Good lord, I remember submitting a story and having to wait upwards of two days to two weeks before the new batch of stories was posted ... then ephemeral came around and you could actually have your story up in under a day ... all ya'll who started on tumblr and ao3, you have it great, let me tell you :)

One thing that stands out in my mind still (and I’m still friends with her on Facebook) was a woman from western Canada who I stumbled across somewhere while looking for the blooper reels. She offered to send me her copies on VHS for my collection. I don’t think she asked for payment and one day, a package arrived from a lovely woman near Lethbridge, bloopers playable, tapes labeled in clear printing. I still appreciate that 20 some odd years later :)

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Fandoms are crazy places. Tread lightly at first but enjoy what you want, ignore what you don’t, rewrite what you hate, and write what you love. Don’t be an asshole when you don’t agree with someone … when you do, tell them …

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I was on board from the first episode. It was a show about two people who you felt were destined to be together but weren’t, and wouldn’t be for years. It was a cop show about aliens and a monster show with cops. I was in the right place at the right time in the right frame of mind and there was just something that clicked and I never looked back. Friends were not allowed to call me on Friday night and once it switched to Sunday, I made sure that my parents got us on early evening bowling league so we’d be home in time to watch. Even my boyfriend (eventual husband) knew to shut the hell up from 9-10pm, even if he was sitting next to me on the couch (with my parents in their chairs watching as well)

Also, my 56-year-old dad had a crush on Scully from the start so that was entertaining as hell as well

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I have been writing stories in my head for literally as long as I can remember. Watching some episode, I honestly don’t remember which one, I suddenly had an idea for a story about Mulder and Scully. I had never written a story with pre-existing characters before and it was totally foreign to me. How do you write a character with a current storyline. It was weird, it was difficult, it was some of the most fun I’d had writing up to that point.

Suddenly, I didn’t have to explain or describe the characters, think of jobs and mundane things … they already had those … and it was great.

Honest-to-God, my first fic was written, in pencil, on a yellow legal pad by flashlight while lying with my head at the foot of my bed so I could see my parents coming down the hall if they happened to wake up at midnight to go to the bathroom. Later fics were written by the light of an 10” TV/VCR combo with me still lying with my head at the foot of the bed. I still have those old legal pads somewhere and I remember having to type them in secret, having to wait until the house was empty for 20 minutes to an hour at a time. Uploading them was always unnerving because of the slow dial-up and the fact that I didn’t have my own email address, but had to use my dad’s. I’d have to make sure to check it whenever I could, intercept the feedback I’d get off gossamer.

I was such a damn rebel.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Well, I now know how to interact with people given tumblr and AO3 but it hasn’t changed much. I contribute a little more now that I understand posting on social media but mostly, I still just write like a fiend and post, read voraciously and give kudos and likes often, comment some and reblog.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I dabbled and have a favorite ‘Fringe’ fic … I tried to read a Harry Potter fic once … I type ‘West Wing’ occasionally in ao3 and tumblr ...

And nothing, absolutely nothing, has ever caught me like the X-Files did in regards to the fandom experience.

I have shows I watch and re-watch and re-watch but no two characters have ever had me writing and thinking and planning like Mulder and Scully. No other combo has ever made me write upwards of 300,000 or more total and still have plenty of stories to tell.

I’m okay with this.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Aside from Mulder and Scully and the gentlemen three of Frohike, Langley, and Byers … I love all Scully’s nieces and nephews in my ‘Life’ series … I also love Corduroy (picture books), Harold (purple crayon fame), Neville Longbottom, the characters from my own novels, Katniss (book not movie), Anne Shirley, Elnora (from the Limberlost), Will Stanton/Merriman/Barney/Jane from ‘Dark is Rising’ and 10,459 others …

I’m a children’s librarian so most of my favorite books are those written for the younger and YA crowd. I like my job :)

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I watch this show all the damn time. I will think about Mulder and Scully when I have nothing else to think about, normally writing and editing whatever story I may have in the hopper at the time about them.

My husband laughs when I have the show on. He knows all the episodes with me and it’s one of my comfort shows that I don’t have to pay attention to when it’s on. During it, I have edited books, decorated cookies, been sick, been recovering, simply wasted a perfectly good day because I could.

My 17-year-old daughter keeps it on while she does homework and works out.

It’s a staple at our house and no one is allowed to make fun of it, even though we all know that parts are completely ‘make fun-able’

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I read fic all the time … I have worked my way through AO3 starting from the beginning and if it was more easily readable on a phone, I’d work my way, once again, through gossamer.

Restated from above: I dabbled and have a favorite ‘Fringe’ fic … I tried to read a Harry Potter fic once … I type ‘West Wing’ occasionally in ao3 and tumblr ...

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I have all kinds of favorites on tumblr but right now, I honestly don’t remember most of the names … I pretty much read everything that comes through my dashboard and every few days, i read through the newest posts on AO3 … I love you all!!

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Of X-Files fics, I love my newer stuff … I read “Life” and its sequels every few months … ‘Your Place or Mine’ is another one I will read … actually, I’ll just say it .... I read all my own fic over and over again …

With fic, you get to write the characters as you want to see them and write situations that you want to see … I write for myself most of all and I love to read what I wrote :)

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I write them all the damn time. I have tons of snippets and half-finished that I occasionally glean things from but while sometimes, old stuff morphs into new, sometimes, it just needs to gather that dust and live a quiet little forgotten life in some backhand folder on my dropbox account ...

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

First question is answered above.

As for other creative work, I have published two YA novels, have the third in that series in editing … I have five other novels in the hopper in various stages of ‘good lord this needs an edit or twelve’ …

I am writing things constantly in my head or on my laptop … most is crap … stome sticks … some turns into fic and some turns into books …

But the point is, I am writing, in some form, at all time :)

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Some two sentence conversation will spark an idea … the line of a song will inspire an idea … a word will start a sentence which will turn into a paragraph which will tumble straight into a story … and sometimes, stuff just pops in my head for no damn reason at all ...

What's the story behind your pen name?

On gossamer, I am L. Sprys because that was my name at the time :)

On tumblr and AO3, I’m tatooedlaura because my name is Laura and I have, now, six tattoos (yes, I spelled it wrong in my handle but that’s life) … when I decided on the name, I think I only had two

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

They do now … it took me years to crack and tell them … my husband has never read them, nor have any of the people I have told (as far as I know)

Now, I don’t really care who knows … I’ll tell them I write smutty X-Files fanfiction and family-friendly X-Files fanfiction …

I am too old at this point to be embarrassed by what I like to do. If they laugh at me, I tell them they only get to laugh when they’ve published a book and I pull up my books on Amazon … I’ve only had to do that once and it shut them right the hell up …

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Gossamer: L. Sprys

Tumblr and AO3: tatooedlaura

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I love you! I see you! I appreciate you! I hope you enjoy! Don’t judge me for my grammar issues! I will never be able to spell the word ‘excersize’!

(Posted by Lilydale on April 27, 2021)

[latetaektalk]

hi there ^^' i'm... kinda new to this whole tumblr thing and have been wanting to write on here for a while but this huge place is kinda scary sometimes haha ;; do you have any writing tips or tricks that would be good to know for newcomers? (also your music taste is immaculate, i love it)

hey love 💕 first of all, welcome to tumblr!! its a fun place,, youre gonna love it, and learn to hate it lol second of all, thank you for complimenting my music taste 😳

now im not quite sure if you want only writing tips or writing blog tips, so ive included tips and tricks for both!

WRITING BLOG TIPS :

have a masterlist. this might seem stupid and obvious, but ive seen people with no masterlist. people are lazy, so if they cant access your writing easily, they will just click away.

have a clean theme. aesthetics are important. they are. people love clean and easy to navigate themes. again, people are lazy, so if you make it easy to click through your blog and get to your writing, youll increase the chance of people reading your stuff!

how to get your work show up in general. putting links in your fanfic might lead to your story not showing up in the search. ive also heard that a banner thats too big can cause that. even using too many tags can lead to your work not showing up. its complicated.

the first five tags. im sure youve heard abt this already but the first five tags are the tags that will actually show up! so if someone follows #bts fluff and you tag your fic with that, your fic can show up on people's dashes as a recommended post!

tag accordingly. speaking of tags, please tag accordingly! theres nothing more annoying than finding a jimin fanfic in the taehyung fanfic tag. i really discourage you from mistagging your stories. if im scrolling through the taehyung fanfic tag and find a jimin fanfic, it makes me want to not read it. just tag your fics accordingly.

reblog your fics. i mean it. seriously, reblog them as much as you want! people live in different time zones or sometimes forget abt wanting to read your stuff, so reblogging it consistently for a week or so to get it on people's dashes helps!

teasers and taglists. i recommend doing both! teasers help to get people excited for your story and taglists ensure that people will read it, or at least remember to!

dont stress abt notes. now, this is less of a tip but rather something i just really really really want to tell you! i know youve heard this before, but please do not stress about notes. tumblr fame does not exists! it doesnt matter if your writing gets 2 notes or 300 or 5k notes! i do understand how getting a lot of notes can be motivating (every fics deserve all the love in the world by the way!!) but in the end, it should not be your motiviation to write. focusing on notes will ruin writing for you. it will. the amount of notes your fic will reach has nothing to do with how good your writing is. dont let something as superficial as notes ruin the fun of writing for you. its seriously not worth it! write for you and no one else!

WRITING TIPS :

write self indulgent fics. i seriously think all fics should be self indulgent. writing fics should be fun, so please write whatever you want! also, theres no such thing as an overdone trope. if you want to write a fake dating enemies to lovers fic, please write it! you might think there are already a bunch out there and its not worth writing another one, but youre wrong! there isnt one out there thats been written by you yet. go write it!

make playlists. now this is a bit specific to me because im absolutely obsessed with music, but making playlists that fit the mood of the fic has always helped me while writing and gotten me out of writers block before!

take your time. writing is freaking hard and when writers block hits, theres rarely ever something that you can do. try not to stress too much abt it! it happens to the best of us!

balance dialogue and detail. its important to find a middle. if im reading a fic and theres paragraph after paragraph after paragraph of detail, the chance of me just skipping that part is really high. because even though i love detail, it does get boring. so use dialogue to spice it up!

reading. okay, this sounds weird because youre asking for writing tips, but reading seriously help your writing so much! if you wanna improve your writing skills, reading a lot is going to be key. now, im not saying reading is necessary, but i do think that it can help you to better! whats even more important though is that you try to analyse people’s writing while reading. when i say you should analyse people’s writing, i do not mean you should write an entire analysis of a book, but to take a second and think to yourself how the authors just did that. how did they convey oc’s sadness? why did they just describe the weather? whats the purpose of this scene?

switch up sentence/paragraph length. shorter sentences/paragraphs = emphasise something and pick up the pace. longer sentences/paragraphs = slow down the story and allow for more detail. its important that you do a mix of both. utilise the length to your advantage. a well placed short sentence/paragraph can pack a lot of punch and turn your sad story in a heartbreaking one.

outline your fics. look this is very personal again because some people dont like to outline their fics, but i recommend outlining your fics. and when i say outline your fics, you can do it as little or as much as you want! it can be a few notes, or a long list of every detail you want to include. i just want you to know where this story is headed. its so easy to write yourself in a corner and trust me, you dont wanna end up there.

allow yourself to be free. this connects to the previous point i just made. even though i do recommend outlining your fics, i am also a firm believer of taking the story somewhere else if you feel like it. ive scrapped complete outlines before. half of the scenes i write also arent in my outline at all. you dont have to stick to the outline. if you think that a specific scene would add something to your story, then please go ahead and write that scene. just always remember where youre headed and dont loose focus.

have fun. i just really wanna reiterate this point again. its just so important to me that you have fun while writing! seriously. its just fanfiction. it should be fun. go crazy. i support you!

okay bub i hope this was helpful 💕 if you have any other questions/want more tips/want me to elaborate on something, please just hit me up! my ask box is always open!

[suntrastar]

abstract: chapter 2

chapter 1!!  chapter 3!! you can also find this fic on ao3 :)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Artist!Reader

Summary: Wait- Bucky Barnes attends your art class? And you didn’t even recognize him?

Word Count: 7500 exactly. i am so lame.

Author’s note: hello!! when i was uploading ch 1 on here it never once crossed my mind that i should probably add ch 2 as well ... but oh well! it’s here now. hope u all like it. reblogs and likes and whatever else are very much appreciated. also i forgot to say last time- i paint a little but i am NOT a professional artist! i’m making all of this up as i go! if i’m wrong with something do NOT tell me. shh. but ok now enjoy!!

A blank canvas stands before you, as big as your torso and propped up on an easel. White, unmarked, clean- pristine and teeming with potential.

You hate it.

In your lap sits your sketchbook. Pages upon pages of rough, half-baked ideas, each more mediocre than the last. You thought that maybe you could churn something decent out if you came to your studio, soaked in enough of the atmosphere to coax out some sort of productivity.

Well, you were wrong. It’s the opposite- the empty canvas is slowing your thoughts down, muddling them together, disorienting you.

You stare at it for the better part of an hour, white searing into your vision, shoulders sagging with each passing minute.

There’s something there. You have something, a rough chunk of an idea in the back of your mind that could be great, but you can’t figure out what it is. And it’s not something you can just google- you can’t search up how to think a thought you haven’t had yet- so you sit on your own, unproductivity festering, oozing out like the orange from the skylights.

You’re not doing too well. The sun sets before it’s five, it’s Monday, you have a fifth adult class to teach, yesterday you only got to a third of your chores. It sucks- you should be better than this! Put-together, neat, confident, creative, actually able to do something.

You wallow freely, feeling no satisfaction when you reach forward and push the side of the canvas with one finger, tipping it off the easel and sending it clattering to the floor.

The warmth of the sun burns into your back. You don’t like wasting time like this, never have. Maybe you needed to, though, to help get you back on track.

You heave out a sigh and crack too many joints as you stand up, folding up your easel, picking up the dreaded canvas, shoving your sketchbook into your purse. The drawing pencils you set out on the table are neatly lined back up into their metal tin, the kneadable eraser kneaded for a few frustrating seconds before it’s put back as well.

You zip your coat all the way up to your chin. It’s still freezing outside, and the walk from your studio to the subway, from the subway to the other studio, is always a cold one.

***

At least you can move on from the watercolors.

Oil pastels! Still not a very desirable medium, but for today, you’ll take it. At least it’s saturated, at least you don’t have to worry about the whole thing coming apart with a spare drop of water. The way it stains your fingers and blends unpredictably is kind of charming, too.

You run through your demonstrations. You gesture to where the paper is located. You make a few suggestions for what people could draw: trees, landscapes, birds. Then you remember a box of handheld mirrors the studio owner keeps in one of the storage closets, and run over to get it.

“You can use them for self portraits,” you say, and then a particular man in the back scowls, and then you add that it’s optional.

But Steve takes two mirrors.

You don’t have time to analyze all of that. You walk around, offer a few words of advice. Shonna lays the preliminary sketch for a heron, and you’ve never seen grey and yellow look so nice together. Your favorite couple, Marcie and Ahmed, draw each other, but neither of them can draw. They laugh at themselves as they misshape each other’s noses, miscalculate the distance between each other’s eyes.

It’s cute. You stop at them and laugh a little, before continuing your round to the back of the room, to Steve and Bucky.

“Everything working out okay?” You say, while Steve frowns into a mirror.

“I feel kind of stuck-up doing this,” Steve says, and brings the mirror even closer to his face, right up to his eyes.

You laugh a little. “Don’t worry,” you say, and peer down at his sketch, which is already looking uncannily like him. “It looks just like you! You even got the nose right.”

Steve nods, still bothered by the apparent narcissism of this activity. He pulls a peach pastel from the set. “I guess,” he says, unconvinced, and streaks the pastel over the side of his drawn face, and you quietly marvel over how well he understands shadow. “Are you okay?”

The question catches you off guard.

“What?”

Steve sets his mirror down.

Next to him, Bucky glowers at you, like he wasn’t smiling at your bad jokes in the cafe, like, two days ago. He’s so vehement- you’re starting to think that you dreamt up the entire encounter.

“You look kind of stressed,” Steve says, and then winces. “Sorry. I didn't mean it like that.”

“It’s okay,” you say quickly, and hesitate for a second, before thinking what the hell, and deciding to just let it out. “I am stressed. I’m so stressed- Steve, I’m, like, this close to losing it.”

Steve’s eyebrows knit together. “What’s wrong?”

He’s so sincere. Always so nice, and you don't even care that Bucky’s glare deepens when you pull out the seat and sit down in it, because you are dying to tell someone.

“I have this show in the summer,” you say, and clench your hands, because just the thought of the show makes you want to wring your own neck, “but I still have no idea what to do. I mean, I do, but it’s like, I have point A and point B, but I don’t have the line connecting it. Does that make sense?”

“What are the points?” Steve asks, and takes up the mirror again, to analyze the lower portion of his face.

“Okay,” you say, and lean back in your seat, and maybe it’s a little unprofessional, but you’re cool enough that it really isn’t, “Point A is that I want everything to be busy. Lots of patterns and fabric and plants. Like, I don’t want there to be any resting space for your eyes, because that’s boring. And point B is that I want to use people- and this is where the problem comes in, because I don’t know what people to use.”

You’re talking kind of fast, but Steve seems to still be understanding what you’re saying.  “Why not?”

“Because I want it to be personal. For my previous stuff, I would just post ads on Instagram whenever I needed models, and take pictures of random people and paint them. But I don’t want to do that again, but I don’t know what I want to do. I want people to look at the people and say ‘wow, that’s personal,’ but I don't want them to be able to tell how personal it is. Like, personal at an arm’s length.

Steve stares at you like you have definitely lost it.

You pointedly don’t look at Bucky.

Then he reconsiders, and gives you a supportive little smile, and you can feel your stomach sinking further and further down.

“I don’t fully understand that,” he says, and reaches not for the orange or red pastel, but the pale blue one. “But I’m sure you’ll get it. Just give it some time.”

You watch him outline his chin, the left side of his nose, little strokes of his eyebrows. Blue and leaving little smears and flakes of color, and creating this swirling pattern with one of the streaks of peach, like ocean and sand upon each other, so pretty and bold.

“Thanks, Steve,” you say, and he grins into his mirror, still adding blue. It looks amazing. “Also, would you ever consider switching careers? The art world is missing out on you.”

He blushes.

“Use people you know.”

You and Steve turn fast to look at Bucky, still glaring. His red oil pastel, held tight in his gloved hand, looks ready to snap.

At least you’re sitting diagonally from him, instead of directly across. At least you don’t back down from looking him in the eye.

“For what?” you say, like you aren’t following, even though you are- you just have a feeling that he won’t tell you what he’s thinking unless you ask for it.

“For your painting thing,” he says. “Because it’s personal. To you.”

You stare at him like he’s crazy for a second or two, and he looks into his own mirror, set flat on the tabletop, without peering at his face. You glance over at his paper, at half a page full of perfectly identical red boxes, and realize that he’s drawing the ceiling panels.

Okay- lame.

But also, like, funny.

Then it starts to click.

“Wait,” you say, and you feel bashful, because he’s been listening to you this whole time, and in his silence he must have been thinking of you, and the thought of that is just too satisfying for you to let go of. He’s been thinking of you.

Or maybe he just wants you to leave.

“That works,” you say, and then you suddenly have the connecting line. “That works perfectly. It’s, like, not personal, but…”

“Familiar,” Bucky says, and you are half a red box away from leaning over the table and throwing yourself into his arms.

That’s exactly it.

“Thank you,” you say, and your brain is running a mile a minute, and he’s just staring at you. “Thank you so much. That’s exactly it, oh my god.”

You don’t even realize how far you’ve leaned over, hands balanced on the table, craning your head towards him. And you don’t even care- pieces are shifting and everything makes sense, and the weather outside isn’t cold, it’s beautiful! And this class is wonderful. Bucky himself is wonderful.

You float through the rest of the class. The clarity of your thoughts is jarring, the way you understand what you’re trying to do now. Flowers, fabric, and then you have an idea with a pair of earrings. You ache for a pen and sheet of paper to write it all down, but if you started doing it now, you don’t think you would be able to get up once the class ends.

Once, you smile at Bucky. He doesn’t return it- and you’re too in over your head to care.

***

He’s not genuinely interested.

This is a precaution. Bucky takes lots of precautions- he sleeps with weapons at his bedside, goes out with knives strapped to his body, always sweeps unfamiliar rooms before sitting, doesn’t tell anyone anything. This is just another thing thrown on top of his already exhausted routine, necessary to his safety and sanity and-

To his basic peace of mind.

He’s not a very good typer, so he asks JARVIS to look it all up instead, and transfer it to his overpriced, Stark-issued laptop.

There’s relief in that action itself- he tells JARVIS the wrong name twice, because that’s how personally disinterested he is. So disinterested that even something as simple as a name eludes him.

He doesn’t care.

The information gets transferred to his laptop. Bucky takes his time, carefully scanning the screen, preparing to tuck away anything concerning, for future reference.

There is a lot of information.

Articles- too many articles. Editorials, interviews, reviews. And pictures, and even videos, and he wonders if Steve ever brought this up to him, this level of renown that apparently you possess, and Bucky just wasn’t paying attention. But no, that couldn’t have been true- he’s been genetically enhanced to always be paying attention.

He’s a slow reader, and whenever the fonts are too small it gives him a headache, so rather than reading an article, he goes to the pictures tab.

Your art shows up first. He clicks on the picture to enlarge it, and it takes a long while for him to fully comprehend what he’s seeing.

A woman dancing with a cow in the background, a woman with butterflies on her eyelashes. Two men wearing crowns of pearls, but when he zooms in closer, they’re birds. A figure in a dress, wearing sleeves that resemble fish, with a halo of koi fish circling her head. Everything has to do with animals, and there’s so much movement, and he doesn’t like art, but he does have to admit that it’s all so pretty.

And there’s lots of yellow.

And as he scrolls further down, there’s pictures of you. In some, you stand with people who look ridiculously pretentious, with weird hair and odd clothes and thick-framed glasses. Other artists, he guesses, who have to let everyone know that they’re artists before they even open their mouths.

Then there’s pictures of just yourself. You, unsmiling next to a half-finished canvas, in the middle of twirling a paintbrush between your fingers. You, unsmiling in a white-walled photography studio. You, smiling while wearing a ridiculous sequined dress, which confuses him until he reads the description, and learns that the dress itself is an art installation.

It makes his head hurt.

He looks some more, even though he’s not really learning anything. Or maybe he is learning, just nothing concerning like he was hoping for. Something that would justify this search in the first place, but all he’s found is that you have pretentious colleagues and wear ridiculous dresses and deserve Steve’s admiration the way you’ve been receiving it.

Eventually, he coaxes himself into clicking a link. An article with a big publication, too big for just an art instructor- but you’re not just an art instructor. you’re, like, good. The article is an interview, which could have just been recorded and uploaded, but for some reason, it was transcribed and written in article format anyway.

The twenty-first century is stupid like that.

When it was written, you had just had your first solo exhibition, and it was more successful than anybody ever anticipated. The interview is meant to be a little off-the-wall, charmingly eccentric, asking about favorite foods and then your future aspirations in the same sequence, and then debating different colors and some political situation within the same question.

Bucky stumbles through a paragraph or two, not really comprehending anything but getting the gist, and his head hurts more, but he’s blissfully relieved of it all when Steve barges into his room without knocking.

He shuts his laptop screen so hard that the screen nearly cracks.

“Woah,” Steve says, and puts a hand up, but doesn’t take any steps back. “What was that?”

“Nothing,” Bucky says, and stares at the laptop with fury, as if he’ll be able to close the tab that was still open through telekinesis alone.

“O-kay,” Steve says, totally unconvinced. He hoists the bag on his shoulder- his gear bag, with his supplies. He’s headed out for an indefinite period of time, anywhere between three days and two weeks. In the bag is his suit, in its patriotic spandex glory, his other supplies, bandages and a gun and a sketchbook.

To pass the time, if he gets bored on the flight.

“Are you leaving now?” Bucky asks.

Steve nods his head. “Yeah. Just came to say bye.”

“You mean see you later,” Bucky corrects, because those two things mean different things, and the difference is enough to matter to him.

“See you later,” Steve says, and he shifts, one massive wall of muscle leaning from one foot to the other. He’s uncertain of something- like Bucky can’t handle himself on his own.

He can handle himself.

Bucky lifts one silver hand and waves.

***

He doesn’t need to go.

Steve hasn’t returned, still somewhere in South America, away on a mission. It’s not like anyone is going to check, either, if he attends or not. It’s not like this is required, like he has some sort of moral or contractual obligation to show up.

Still, it’s become part of his routine, and deviating from routine makes his skin itch. As Monday strikes again, he slides into his seat in the art studio. At least he’s not too early; he doesn't know how he would be able to handle any pre-class conversation without Steve being there to do the actual conversating.

You start right on time. Always so prompt.

“We’re going to be working with oil pastels again,” you say, and make a big gesture with your hands. You wear chunky gold earrings that wink under the lights. “But I’m going to let you do whatever you want. Draw whatever. I’ve got out a few different types of paper, and some different tools for creating textures- I’ll show you all how to use them really quick.”

You scrape a sheet of paper hastily colored purple with something that looks like a plastic knife. Then you use something that looks like a plastic-toothed comb, and then some other pointy plastic objects to make lines and whirls on the paper. Texture. He watches the paper, some, but mostly you.

You look over at him two times. No more than you do at anyone else, but he still notices- as a precaution.

“Okay, I'm done. You all can get to work,” you say, and set the purple sheet down on your own table, at the front. “Have fun. Get crazy with it.”

Bucky looks down at the paper he’s set on the table, yellow-white and slightly textured. He looks at the oil pastels, sitting so dejectedly in their little cardboard dish, a product of low budget and disuse.

He takes the yellow one.

You come over to his table some time later, after getting to everyone else. He’s always last, he’s noticed- because he sits at the back, and because you like to take your time talking with Steve. But Steve isn’t here today, which means you won’t linger, which means he can continue on sitting in peace.

“How’s it going?” You ask. One of your hands comes to rest on top of the chair across from him.

“Your shoe is untied.”

Your smile falters as you look down, at your red sneaker- you wear hot red sneakers- but reaffirms itself a second later as you slide the chair out, and prop your foot up on it.

Bucky suddenly feels off. Your knee rests slightly above his head, and your head is tucked down but still looming high over him, cast in shadow. He’s beneath- under. And you’re double-knotting the laces of your shoe.

“Thanks,” you say, and it’s awkward to thank someone for something so little, but you don’t say it like it’s awkward. “I probably would’ve tripped on the laces. Anyways, again, how’s it going?”

He considers the question. “Fine.”

“Fine,” you repeat. You take your foot off the chair and tuck it back in, and then lean- loom even more- over him, looking over at his piece of paper.

He glares at you, even though you’re not looking at him.

“Wow,” you say, and your eyebrows are creasing, and he thinks that you’re struggling to come up with something to say, and after seeing those paintings online, he can’t even take offense at it. “Those lines are so… straight. How are they so straight?”

Because his metal hand has an internal stabilizer.

“They just are,” he says.

You look at him. Everything suddenly feels stuttered and slow, drenched in honey. He’s expecting some type of joke, and praying for the ground to open and swallow him up, bury him under six feet of tile. Has silence always been this unbearable?

“Awesome,” you say.

Then you look away and he’s able to breathe again, and you’re turning away, ready to flounce back over to someone else. He looks back down at his paper and picks up the pastel again, fingers pressing over the paper wrapper, so that he doesn’t get anything on his glove. He draws another straight line.

“Wait, one more thing.”

You turn around and his head snaps up, fully alarmed.

You take in his expression and look like you’re about to laugh. But you stifle it back, bite on your lip as you pull the chair back out again and sit down, across from him. Steve isn’t even here- Steve isn’t even your motivation for being here, today, and all he’s thinking about is you in that ridiculous art installation of a dress.

Floor-length. V-neck.

“So,” you say, and Bucky can’t look at you. In his peripheral vision he sees you curl your hands together, resting on top of the table. The glass on the watch flashes. “So, you know the idea that you gave me last week? With painting people I know? I started this painting of my mom- and all of these ideas in my head make sense to me now- wait. Let me show you, first.”

He keeps his eyes dutifully trained on his paper. Still, he can hear the smile in your voice as you pull your phone out of your back pocket, tapping away at something before turning the screen around for him to see.

Your arm is stretched all the way across the table. Bucky leans in a little bit, to see the picture you’ve pulled up.

A partially painted image of a woman that looks like you but not you, with almost the same face as you, but with hands mottled with age and a mouth starting to droop at the corners. Your mom, apparently, sitting with her hands clasped the way you’re clasping yours. She wears earrings that look like huge flowers, lilies, or something, and in a white dress that looks halfway like a swirled illusion.

“Nice,” he says, grudgingly, and you keep your hand outstretched. He wonders if you want him to take the phone from you, if you’re waiting for him to say more. “I like the dress.”

You beam at him. He’s been looking at you without realizing. “Thank you. I actually got the idea or the pattern from Steve- I’m just stealing ideas, aren’t I- but did you see the thing he did with his self-portrait last week? The swirls? It was so pretty- I couldn’t help myself. Anyways, where is he today?”

“Out of town.”

Dread curls at the pit of his stomach.

Bucky doesn’t know why, but he has the heavy, stone-cold realization that he does not want to be talking about Steve right now.

It must show, because you’re in the middle of opening your mouth to say something, and then abruptly close it.

“Oh,” you say, and you shift. He realizes that he doesn’t want you to leave yet, either. “Nice.”

You’re getting out of your seat. You must be feeling it too, the heaviness, the atmosphere so overwrought with polite dislike, because he still doesn’t like you, even though he knows your name now, but-

“What’s your next painting going to be?” he asks, so quickly that it comes off as a little frantic.

Your eyes widen and you’re carried back down, drifting back into your seat.

“I’m so glad you asked that,” you say, as you settle in. For a second, you’re frighteningly put together, shoulders straight, hands neatly folded, earrings glinting. “I’ve been wanting to tell someone about it so bad.”

You want your next painting to be of your dad. A portrait of just his face, close enough to add little, inconsequential details. You have this idea where you create patterns that look like flowers out of his wrinkles. He has teeth that are always yellow, because he drinks so much coffee, you say, a habit you’ve picked up, but you want to paint them almost neon, bring as much attention to it as you can. His hair is thinning and you want to make it all blue, like a receding tide.

It devolves, and his grip on the pastel loosens as you fall into something more and more jumbled, divulging other ideas you have, about things that aren’t directly related. You want to go big- much larger than life. A canvas as big as your body, just to paint a head. You make your own canvases, too, and you show him your palms, skin beneath your fingers raised and bumpy, with a ropy pink scar on your right hand. It’s from an incident with a saw, you say, even though you know your way around a saw. He almost wants to touch it.

Bucky thinks of his own right hand, with as many scars as it has lines. What does that mean, in terms of fate? He knows his way around a saw, too, and many other bigger, dangerous things, but you don’t know or don’t care about it. It devolves further, you sink lower in your seat, shoulders curving forward, and you’re telling him something else about nothing, and you aren’t minding that he’s mostly focused on just listening.

*

You’re laughing when someone behind you clears their throat.

You turn back, to see Shonna, looking uncomfortable as she fiddles with the strap of her purse.

“I’ve got to go,” she says, and, for whatever reason, gives you a look. “I finished my drawing, so I’m taking it with me. See you next week.”

“Have a good night!” You say, and cast a spare glance at your watch, to see how early she’s leaving.

She’s not leaving early.

You’re running nearly twelve minutes over.

“Oh my god,” you say, quietly, and pull away from Bucky. You have to pull this back together, quickly, you stand up and clear your throat.

“Hey, everybody,” you say, and so many people older than you turn to look at you, but the situation you’ve put yourself in doesn’t let you appreciate the thrill of it. “I wasn’t paying attention- we’re running past time. You all can go ahead and head out. I’ll clean up today. I’m sorry.”

Bucky is ignored, and it’s funny how quickly you’re able to slip away from him, him and unrelenting blue eyes and a stoic silence to bounce all of your thoughts off of. You keep your back to him and head back to the front of the room, standing and exchanging pleasantries as everyone heads out, apologizing with smiles and chastising yourself for being so careless.

Nobody berates you, though. You keep on expecting them to. There’s a sudden, sharp pain in the back of your neck. They all leave, and then it’s just you, standing by the entrance and staring at all the tables you have to clean, all the unfinished art projects you have to slide on the art racks, alongside the sticky poster-painted houses and clouds and corner-suns drawn by the kids in your Wednesday and Thursday classes.

All by yourself.

Or not.

Bucky lingers, putting his pastels back in the tray. He’s so silent that you missed him the first time, even though he was standing right there. Isn’t he some type of spy?

“Bucky, I got it,” you call. Without anyone in the room, it's like everything you just said to him didn’t happen. There’s no buffer and it’s just you and just him, and it's so empty. “You don’t have to clean up.”

Something in his gorgeous face shifts. You wish he was a little more expressive. His eyes hang dark underneath the brim of his dorky hat.

“I can help you,” he says, and adds, after an impossibly long second of hesitation, “I’ll make sure you don’t break any jars.”

You laugh out loud, but you’re confused. First listening to you talk on and on, now offering to help you and trying to make a joke- he doesn’t like you enough to be doing any of it. 

You know you like him, or at least find him intriguing enough to disregard his douchiness, but, like, still. Something’s off.

But then again, how do you deny him after that joke?

“Thank you,” you say, so formally, and you want to grimace. “That’s really nice of you.”

He blinks slowly, and you think that he’s going to smile, catch a ghost of it in his eyes.

It vanishes too fast, as he slides the cover back on the tray of sad oil pastels. You’re about to make some cynical comment about the lack of funding for the arts, just so there’s something to occupy all this new space between you and him, so you don’t accidentally lessen the space by doing something dumb, like moving closer to him.

“Where do I put these?” He asks, holding the sad tray up.

***

Steve returns for the seventh Monday class! You’re so happy when he walks in through the doors, abandoning your stacks of paper and speed-walking toward with a smile and a bouquet of paintbrushes.

“Hey, Steve!” you say, and he spooks, a little, but relaxes when he sees it’s you. No Rina today- she’s been leaving early lately. Maybe there’s some residual fear in her, just from that stare she was subjected to, all those weeks ago. “It’s good to see you.”

You get those stares every week, multiple times an hour, are getting one right this second- she needs to get over it.

He smiles and comes further into the classroom, meeting you over one of the tables. “It’s good to see you, too. Sorry I missed class last week.”

You wave him off. “Don’t worry about it. Here, take these for a second.”

In his massive hands, the paintbrushes look silly. Like dandelion stems, but it’s Steve, so he holds them gingerly, at a distance, like the wood might snap if he applies even the tiniest bit of pressure.

It’s not a good thought that you have next- it’s a deplorable thought- but you wonder if all super-soldiers have hands like that.

Behind Steve, there’s Bucky, standing in his usual black ensemble and glower. You know, now, that if you asked him to help, he would, but your mouth suddenly goes gummy and you trail off to the shelves instead, talking yourself up as you try to find a container for the brushes.

There, on the top shelf. How did it get all the way up there? You swipe it off and turn around, cheery and hopefully composed enough to not let any of your deplorable thoughts slip, and-

He’s there.

Not there, not all up in your face the way you would not want him to be, but closer, next to Steve instead of behind. His cheeks are rosy. You look out the window, to see if it looks cold. His face is pink, but he looks cold. Winter Soldier. You’re running hot, hot, hot.

“Hey,” You say, and politely smile, like while cleaning up last week, you didn’t spend an extra twenty minutes just talking to him.

“Hey,” he says, and does nothing, like the impassive brick he always is.

God.

You can’t be like this. This isn’t… it’s not cute. It’s embarrassing.

“Help me find the palettes,” you tell him, and place the container on the table for Steve. “I’ve been looking for them, for, like, ten minutes, and I can’t find them. And we’re painting today, so we need palettes.”

Steve dumps the brushes into the container. Bucky nods. He understands the importance of the palettes.

“Okay,” he says, and in the time it takes you to turn back to the shelves, he’s already standing behind you, surveying the shelves with you. Steve is probably giving you a look- he and Bucky seem like the kind of friends that tell each other all of their feelings, paint each other’s nails and read each other's diaries- he probably knows what’s going on.

If he does, you would like for him to tell you. All you know is that you’re really liking this.

Bucky finds the box of palettes wedged in the back of one of the shelves, in between thick pads of watercolor paper and glass cases of craft knives.

“Thank you,” you say, as he hands the box to you, as his fingertips just barely brush against yours. “Thank you so much.”

You catch another ghost-smile. “You’re so welcome,” he says.

Behind Bucky’s back, Steve gawks at you in disbelief.

*

Acrylic paint- the love of your life.

“It’s best for me to just let you guys loose,” you say, in your spot at the front of the room. Even now, your hands are itching, humming with energy, humming for a paintbrush. “If you need help, ask me, of course, but it’s more fun to just try and see what you can do.”

That’s part of why you love it- for its ease. Quick-drying, not water-soluble once dried, saturated. What is there even to explain? That you apply it with a brush? That you can blend with it? All of that is, like, obvious. All of it can be learned from trial, and any error can just be painted over.

Expression is so simple, with acrylic paint.

It’s messier, too, but nobody’s perfect.

You walk around. Shonna sketches out more birds- finches, yellow and mid-flight. Marcie and Ahmed start by painting without sketching first- one going for a sunset, the other palm trees. Classic. You catch a few others, silhouettes, some flowers, some abstract paint splatters.

Then, of course, you head to the back.

Steve is something out. You can’t tell what it is, yet, but you know that it's going to be beautiful. It’s already beautiful. He looks up and gives you a wordless smile, then gets right back to work. One of his hands is splayed over the sheet of chipboard, the other drawing quick, light lines with his pencil.

You wish that you could give them canvas. But canvas is expensive, and again- funding is bad, and you want to save the few you’ve scrounged up for one of the later classes, when everyone is more confident in their abilities.

Bucky mixes paint on his palette. Red and… black.

“That’s a pretty color,” you say, nodding down at the sad maroon. He looks up at you and you ball your hands into fists, placing them on your hips, not because you put your hands on your hips, but because you feel like you should be doing that right now, with how he’s looking at you. Gutting you.

He acknowledges you with a nod, and goes back to mixing the colors. 

Good grief, how much more is he going to mix?

You’re suddenly searching your mind for something interesting to say.

It’s awkward, and you’re even more mad at yourself- how can you be awkward in your own class? You’re so off today. Even Steve is solely focused on his canvas, and you’re happy for it- he’s drawing and really getting into it, but now you have no reason to linger!

You stay, for another awkward, insufferable second, before moving on to somewhere else.

It’s whatever. You want to think about it, but you push it out because there’s so many more important things to consider- like the painting of your mom nearly finished in your studio, the sketched-out canvas of your father, the dozens of other little ideas pushing up through the cracks in your thoughts, like delightful weeds.

You want to paint Rina. If her hair is still red when you see her, you’ll draw her upside down with poppies, wearing whatever crazy outfit she wants. You want to paint another friend, who’s constantly travelling but might be in New York next month, draped in gold jewelry and marigolds. You might even- you might even draw a few people you don’t talk to anymore, or people you don’t talk to enough, draw them with pansies and chrysanthemums.

Flowers. First, you were fixated on animals, but now it’s flowers- but it’s wholly unsymbolic, because symbolism gets trite, and you just want to make something that looks pretty.

Nobody asks you for help. Acrylic is fun like that- it’s a medium where you can help yourself.  The class gets loud- lively, even, and you just sit in your chair at your table and take it all in.

Bucky, in the far back, works on his painting with concentration that rivals Steve’s. You look for too long.

He can probably feel your eyes on him. You wonder if you should look him up, but that’s weird. Really weird, and what would you even search for? A Wikipedia article? Pictures? An interview?

Maybe you should, but you like the hot-and-cold mystery just how it is.

*

The class ends on time. You’re extra vigilant today, showing people how to lay their paintings on the drying racks, showing them where to dump their paint water.

You say that you’ll wash the brushes. Bucky can tell that you don’t trust anyone else to do it properly. You say that you’ll wipe down the tables, too, and you’ll move all the supplies back to the shelves. All you want is for everyone to put their paintings away and wash their palettes.

The work is done, and everyone files out, spurred by you wishing them all a good week. Steve lingers, as usual, and Bucky follows behind him.

You didn’t talk to him that much, today.

“Did you figure out your painting yet?” Steve asks.

“I did,” you say, and tell him exactly what you told Bucky, but more clearly, more well-articulated.

And less… elaborate. No talking about the idea for the second painting, no mentions of the canvases you make yourself. You don’t show him your palm.

Steve chats with you for a few minutes, until the conversation fizzles out. He shifts his shoulders and tells you he’s going to go.

“Have a good week,” you say, smiling, looking back at Bucky.

Steve gets to the doorway, and Bucky stays right where he is, and his stomach does a flip, because he can’t believe that he’s really going to be doing this.

“You coming, Buck?” Steve says.

“I’m going to stay back for a minute,” Bucky says, while looking at you.

He’s not a confident person, but he’s also not not confident. He just does what he has to do, without thinking, without sitting on it long enough for it to morph into anxiety, because when you've been impassive for seventy years, it’s hard to turn the faucet back on. 

Right now, though, he might be getting what they call butterflies.

“Why, is there something you-”

Steve cuts himself off. He understands.

“Nevermind,” he says, backtracking. “Okay. See you later.”

He leaves.

“What’s up?” You ask, as you head over to the sink. You’re so nonchalant, and he doesn’t know if he’s resenting it or grateful for it, so he just watches you pull cleaning supplies from the cabinet underneath.  “Are you here to help me clean up?”

No, but he’ll do it, if...

“Yeah.”

You reach out and rip a wad of paper towels from the dispenser.

“Great,” you say, and he’s just thinking, No, this is not great. You hand him a spray bottle and the paper towels. “Wipe down the tables, please. I’m going to get started with these brushes.”

He starts to wipe down the tables.

You get the sink running.

The streaks of paint on the tables haven't dried yet, so it all comes off with no effort. He gets through it all pretty quickly, one table after another.

Then he’s at your shoulder, tossing the wad of paper towels in the trash, setting the spray bottle precariously on the sink’s edge, since your legs are in front of the cabinet.

What else could he do? Sweep? Turn off the lights? He doesn’t know if you would trust him to do either of those things. He could close the blinds, but the sky is in transition, from grey to blue to ink, and he likes the way the dark seeps into the room.

It sets up the atmosphere.

You give him a quick smile, rub your thumb over the bristles of another brush. “That was fast.”

He shrugs.

It’s a dead conversation- he’s not used to this. Maybe he should be chatting you up, but he doesn’t chat people up, ever. You’re supposed to be the one that talks first, says something for him to go off of. He’s not good at this, but he suddenly wishes that he was.

“Cleaning brushes is such a painful process,” you say eventually, trying to sound exasperated, even though you’re  clearly not. “Takes forever- oh, wait. Not painful, paint-ful. Get it? ”

He gets it.

“You’re funny,” he says, and it’s not much, but it’s something. He wants to laugh but doesn't.

You add another brush to the growing pile of clean ones, laying on a bed of paper towels. The sink water drains slowly, dirty grey-brown.

“I know,” you say. “But anyways, I have a question.”

“What is it?”

“Is Bucky your real name?”

The fuck?

You’re genuinely asking, brows drawn close together. He wants to reach out and smoothen it. And also tug the strings of your apron loose, and hook a finger inside the hoop of your earring. He’s wanting to do lots of things- all crazy, irrational things.

“No,” he says, and he sounds weird saying it, when all that’s weird is you having asked in the first place. Your frame of reference for him is so poor- which is better for him, better for everything. It’s almost flattering. “It’s a nickname.”

You open your mouth for the next question, but he beats you to it.

“My real name is James.”

You abruptly look over at him in disbelief. “No way. Really?”

“Really.”

You’re on the last brush. You run it under the tap and the bristles send streams of purplish paint water over your fingers, and turn your head, looking over at him. He meets you back, glare icy, even though inside, he’s burning up.

“You don’t look like a James,” you say, and grin at him, and keep yourself looking at him as you finally shut off the sink.

He knows he doesn’t- that’s why he doesn’t go by it. But he’s going to indulge you, because he wants to.

“Don’t look much like a Bucky, either.”

“It’s a cute nickname, though,” you say suddenly.

His heart leaps to his throat.  

“You think it’s cute,” he says, and he shifts over and leans, against the wall, crossing his arms. He’s been standing too close, feels so unnaturally light. He can’t even pretend to dislike you anymore, not when you use the word cute to describe him, not when he likes it. Not when your name is rattling through his head over and over, a mile a minute.

“It’s so cute” you start, nodding along to yourself, “It’s like… nevermind. I don’t even remember what I was about to tell you. Can I get your number?”

That was not smooth.

At all.

But it still works, doesn’t it? You’re not trying too hard, so he doesn’t have to try too hard, either.

“Yeah,” he says, and smiles at you- and takes extra satisfaction in the way you light up. Yellow and radiant.

“Okay.” You wipe your hands down on your apron before pulling out your phone. Its case is glittery pink. The tips of your fingers have pruned.

Before, this would have all been so easy. Bucky could have you beside him the day he met you, turned you over in a whirlwind, in a flurry of milkshakes and dancing to music nobody listens to anymore. He wonders if he should miss you- and then tries to imagine you in a red lip, peroxided curls and a modest day dress, and gets the answer for himself.

He doesn’t miss it.

“Here,” you say, and hand him your phone, and he takes it immediately, he’s so over in his head.

He types his number in with his right hand. When he hands the phone back, the question is already burning in his mind.

“When will I hear from you?”

He shouldn't ask. But he needs to know, always needs to know things. Things can only be so irrational, it has to start making sense sometime- and anyways, it doesn’t seem to bother you. You stare at his number, type something in and put your phone away, and the whole time you’re grinning, and he realizes.

You’re pretty.

“Sometime.” you say, and you reach behind your back to untie the strings of your apron. As you bring the neck of it over your head, you wink.

Sometimes, parts of him still feel frozen, trapped in ice, like he wants to smile but can’t remember how, like he’s forever moving too slow, falling too far behind and below.

Right now, he’s all thawed out.

“You’re gonna keep me waiting like that?” He says, and he takes a daunting step forward, cocks his head to the side. He’s on autopilot, reacting on muscle memory alone- this is flirting, this is charming like it’s ‘38.

You nod, adopt a mock seriousness. “I am,” you say. “I like to keep a little bit of mystery.”

“Mystery girl.”

“You know it.”

His heartstrings loop over themselves, tying into in a double-knotted bow.

[imanativeofswlondondahling]

Hidden in Plain Sight (3)- Tom Holland X Reader

A/N: This story is fun to write, but school is taking over little by little so sorry if this gets delayed more than I mean for it to be! Enjoy Chapter Three!

Word Count: 2165

Warnings: Swearing? Maybe? To be honest I can’t remember if I swore or not but knowing me I probably did. But there is mention of a killer moth so if that’s as trigger as it was when it was flying around my room then I’ll mention it here.

You had the absolute worst day. You were hoping it was going to be a good day since you had put on one of your favorite outfits to wear to work. But as soon as you got to work, everything turned into a shit show. A project you thought was finished didn’t save the last days edits, your boss got on you for something that was your coworker’s responsibility, and someone ate your lunch, which you’re not entirely sure how that happened, but it did. Add to it you have the start of what you think is a migraine, the last thing you want to do is anything work related, but because you’re behind on the project that is due tomorrow, you’ll probably be up all night working on it before going in tomorrow to continue working on it at the office. So heating up some soup to eat while you work, you decide to scroll through Tumblr while you wait for it to heat up. 

The news of Spider-Man, and therefore Tom Holland, staying in the MCU still hasn’t died down, which let’s be honest why should it? It’s fantastic news. Out of all the Spider-Mans, Tom’s portrayal of it is your favorite and you would be so sad to see him taken from Marvel just because Sony, Marvel and Disney couldn’t come to an agreement on things. It’s only been a couple days since it was announced, but you wouldn’t be surprised if this was talked about for weeks at least. You reblog a couple of photos, adding some of your usual hashtags. Honestly, you want to be distracted by asks, but you know that the likelihood that people will respond is low, plus you shouldn’t let yourself be distracted by Tumblr when you have the project due tomorrow. 

Hating seeing notifications, you click on the second icon from the right on the bottom of your screen. You clear off the notifications from reblogs and likes but notices your app is still showing a notification, on the messages side. It’s probably just from one of your friends. You flip over to the other screen and see a message from none other than Tomholland2013, who you’ve been messaging on and off over the past couple of days, ever since you sent him that edit.

You haven’t been super active on tumblr lately. Everything ok?x

Been super busy at work lol. Big deadlines coming up.

You don’t expect to get a message back since you figured from your messages where he mentioned he was in the early hours of the day while you were only in the late afternoon, that he was probably asleep since you got home later from work than you had planned. So you set your phone aside as you pull the broccoli cheddar soup from the microwave. However, you’re pleasantly surprised to see a message waiting for you when you pick your phone back up to head back to your computer to keep working.

Ah, big deadlines. What kind of work do you do, if you don’t mind me asking?x

Hm, this new tumblr friend of yours is awake even though it’s probably the middle of the night for him?

I don’t mind. I work in graphic design. Isn’t it the middle of the night for you? 

It would be if I was at home. I travel a lot for work. I’m currently in New York, so it’s only 9pm.x

But it definitely feels like I should be asleep. I’ve only been in New York for a few days and my mind is still on London time.x

What kind of work do you do? 

You set your phone down and boot your computer back up. You know you have shadows to deal with and layers to add back before even getting to the stuff you were meaning to get on today. This project was going to be the death of you. 

Tom stares at the message. How does he respond to that? He can’t very well tell you he’s an actor. That blows all of this. He likes being able to be open with you and the moment that it comes out that he is actually Tom Holland, well you might not be open with him. Could he tell you he works in the movie field without having to admit who he is? Could he play it off that he’s still a fanboy, because he will be a marvel fanboy until the day he dies, without blowing this whole thing up? There’s just something about you and being able to connect with someone who has no idea who he is that is different. 

Even on your blog today, you shared things from months ago and still reacted like it was your first time seeing them. Your whole blog just radiated positivity, even though your messages sounded like you had a lot on your plate outside of the internet world. He wants to be able to know you without the pressure of having to be, well, him. But you’re not asking him to spill everything about who he is. Just a snip-it. 

Film production. Getting ready to head off to a new project actually.x

Must be fun to travel for it. Anywhere fun?

Cleveland actually. Haven’t been there before, so maybe I’ll find something fun to do outside of the project while I’m there.x

Maybe you’ll run into Tom. He’s supposed to be there shooting a project I think. Especially if you’re also in the film industry, you’d already have more of a way into things than say I would lol 

I don’t know if I’ll have that much time off to look for him.x

Well if you happen to run into him in said little time off, tell him there’s probably half a million if not more tumblr users willing to marry him, should he be in need of a wife, husband, or nonbianary pal.

Would you happen to be one of those said half a million?x

He shouldn’t have sent it. You have been pretty good about responding, but after sending that message, he hasn’t heard from you in over twenty-four hours and he’s beside himself. You also haven’t posted on your blog. Which makes him think you’re avoiding him on the site all together, which is even worse. The flight to Cleveland, wouldn’t have been half bad if he wasn’t worried the whole time about what you might have been sending while his phone was on airplane mode. And of course the one time he would have paid any amount for on flight wi-fi, it was down and no one could use it.

As soon as the plane lands, he’s flipping the switch to connect his phone again. He needs to see if you’ve messaged back. He’s ignoring all the other notifications that pop up, looking for only on apps notifications. And while you haven’t posted again, you have messaged back. Which makes him suddenly feel like he can breathe again. 

I’m not the one who took Tom’s name on here. I feel like you might propose to Tom before I even have a chance to meet him IRL.

I don’t think I’m Tom’s type.X

And what do you think Tom’s type is? 

And it takes everything to not just describe you. It wouldn’t be hard. He had spent a lot of time deep diving through your blog. He had looked through your #me tab on your blog. It was filled with everything from selfies to posts about things you had done. And you were the kind of person that he was into. It wasn’t an only physical attraction thing. It was the things that you found important enough to post about. The little things about your day that you shared about. But instead of typing back you, Tom decides to type something different.

I think he would be into someone down to earth. Someone who is into sharing time with friends and family equally and someone who has a great sense of humor. Oh and they would HAVE to love Tessa. That would be a must.x

Wow you’ve thought a lot about this.

Do you disagree?x

Surprisingly no. But I thought you’d say something more… I don’t know physical I guess.

Why’s that?x

I don’t know. I just did.

What do you think he’d be into?x

He can’t help but ask. He wants to know what you think he’s like. There’s enough speculation out there about what he’s like, but for some reason, knowing what you think about him, it means something to him.

I would say, similar to you- family, friends and Tessa would definitely be at the top. Sense of humor would be important. I also feel like with there being so much he can’t talk about to the public, having someone he can trust with stuff would be important. I also think trust would be important so that he has a space he can just be himself too. 🤷‍♀️

Pretty spot on. All of those are important to him. He wants to ask if those things are all important to you, but asking that would come off weird, so he takes a different approach.

Honestly if I wasn’t such a div when I was making accounts I would have just made a Tessa fan blog. I’m a bigger fan of her than of Tom. x

SO TRUE. How can you not be?! She’s the purest thing in this world (sorry to Tom) and every time he shares more of her with us I melt a little.

Paddy had sent him that picture of Tessa this morning, maybe sharing it would brighten everyone’s days. Especially knowing that you were such a fan of her too. Adding the picture to his Instagram story, with a quick caption of missing this sweet girl, he quickly uploads it.

APPARENTLY TOM CAN READ OUR THOUGHTS?!

What do you mean?x

Cute Tessa content just uploaded to his Insta story. Apparently he’s away from her and missing her 😭

She’s just too pure for this world x

I needed that right now.

Something wrong?x

Work project might kill me. 

It’s due by the end of the day, but photoshop keeps crashing and I might scream. 

I’m sorry love x

I’m restarting my computer for the third time today and it’s not even noon yet. 

You know he’s English so the love thing shouldn’t throw you. Plus he’s a boy on the internet. But for some reason, it feels like something more. So instead of saying anything about it, you just keep messaging like nothing happened. A small part of you is hoping that by not mentioning it though, it might happen again.

Tom spends the rest of the day messaging you when he can. He knows you’re working on a project that has a deadline, so he doesn’t expect you to be at his beck and call. But when he gets a notification at almost eleven o’clock at night his time from your blog, he hopes it’s one of your personal posts to make him laugh. He isn’t let down.

THERE WAS A MOTH FLYING AROUND MY ROOM AND NOW I CAN’T FIND IT IM GOING TO DIE. IF IT EATS ME YOU ALL KNOW WHO THE MURDER IS

#me #killer moth #save me #if i die i leave everything to tom

He can’t help but send you an ask about it.

Tomholland2013 asked: You know moths don’t eat people right?x

Y/T/B: You didn’t see how big this one was. This one was definitely of the people eating variety with how big it was. And now it’s hiding in my room waiting for me to close my eyes and then it will sneak up on me, kill me, and devour me whole. 🖕

Tom laughs at your reply before sending another ask. Sure he could do this in your message thread, but he’s betting the asks are helping distract you from the moth.

Tomholland2013 asked: That’s a quiet defensive response from someone who is going to be eaten. If you want me to come save you from a killer moth, maybe be a bit nicer.x

Y/T/B: If you will race over here, find this moth, and release it into the wild so that it can’t kill me in my sleep I will make you as many Tom edits as it takes in gratitude. 👏😘Just come save me please. I swear I can hear him laughing in the distance. 

Tomholland2013 asked: If he’s laughing in the distance, I’ll be over to take care of him. No one gets to disrespect my favorite blog and get away with it.x

Y/T/B: Thanks darling. I really, really appreciate it. Now I must be off to hunt this moth, before he hunts me.

Tags: @serendipitous-amor​ @im-still-tryin-to-find-it​ @tomfiction4​ @im-deeply-shallow

[rantingfangirl]

I’m Tickled Pink

Summary: An attempt to bring some spice into Alfred F. Jones's life leads to a prank war of epic proportions.

Pairing: UsUk

You can also find this on AO3 and Fanfiction. I’ll reblog with the links :)

Arthur Kirkland was boring.

Alfred had walked into their arrangement knowing this, but he hadn’t thought that it would be such an issue. Having moved into the shared apartment three months before, he figured that he would’ve pulled Arthur out of his dull, monotonous tendencies and into the light. That, by now, Arthur would be tagging along to the club three blocks away from their university or maybe a bar, at the very least.

Except, it hadn’t happened.

He sat on their couch, a joint investment after Arthur’s had taken its final challenge—that is, Alfred’s ass—and collapsed two weeks after Alfred had moved in. Arthur sat in a wingback chair on the other side of their living room, cradling a book and a cup of tea— or at least that’s what he figured it was— a cat snoozing in his lap. Alfred stared, not as subtle as he should’ve been, softly tapping his thumb against his phone’s screen.

Arthur spoke as he flipped the page, “Yes, Alfred?” There was a hint of smugness in his voice, the same tone he got when he was about to roast Alfred into oblivion. Fuck him.

Alfred glanced down at his phone, clicking it open. He would keep him waiting, he decided, opening various social media apps and checking his timeline. It wasn’t until around five minutes later that he actually answered. “Nothing.”

He expected— hoped— for Arthur to get mad. To curse at him or tell him off. Anything that would give him something to do, to open up the possibility, no matter how small, for Alfred to have a little fun in his life.

Arthur did nothing, instead turning another page of his book. The pages were at this point yellow from use, Alfred only knowing that from a previous snooping session. How many times he had read it, Alfred had no clue, but the number had to be high. And how he managed, after all this time, to have never—

He had an idea.

Alfred had to wait for several hours for Arthur to go to bed. The latter always went early, waking up at the crack of dawn to do who-knows-what. It was then, after the rattling had gone silent, that his plan went into full motion.

If Arthur didn’t give him some mode of attention after this, then he supposed that he would call it quits. Alfred made sure to leave everything in the exact spot that it had been, not an inch out of place. He ended up going through about a quarter of the roll of paper towels, but Arthur wouldn’t notice. Probably.

It wasn’t until the next morning that he would be able to see the results.

Alfred woke up earlier than usual, sliding on a random t-shirt before walking out into the living room. Arthur sat in his usual chair, a book— a different one from the night before, strangely enough—in hand.

He sent Alfred a look, pure hate in his eyes. Alfred grinned, pushing his fingers through his hair, suddenly realizing that he forgot his glasses. “Good morning to you too, Mr. Rogers.”

Arthur reached for his tea and Alfred found his smile widening. Finally. Finally.

Arthur’s knuckles had gone white from clenching the mug, and though his face was calm, there was burning rage in his eyes. Oh, this would be fun. “Try this.”

Before Alfred had a chance to answer, the mug was all but shoved into his hands. It sloshed against the rim, missing his shirt only to spill onto his fingers. Alfred winced before looking up, suppressing the grin that was tugging at the corners of his lips.

“I don’t drink hot tea.”

Arthur scoffed. “Well, you’re going to fucking drink it, whether you like it or not.” His eyebrows shot up when Alfred didn’t move to drink from the mug. Arthur’s hand lifted, waving him on. “Go on, take a sip.”

Alfred didn’t bother to keep in his cringe. On one hand, he knew what it was going to taste like, and by God, it would be bad. But on the other…

He sighed. Even though Arthur knew he did it, he wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a confession.

Fuck it.

In a split-second decision, Alfred knocked back half of the mug, an immediate gag coming up his throat. His eyes watered. Fuck.

He couldn’t help but wonder how much sugar Arthur normally put in his tea because god damn. It was ten times worse with salt.

Alfred handed the mug back to Arthur, not bothering to keep back the cringe wrinkling his nose. “Jesus Christ, man, no wonder you always look like you’re about to explode.” He scrubbed his tongue against the roof of his mouth, anything to get the taste out his mouth. “What the hell did you put that?” The glare Arthur sent his way was one of pure hate. As his roommate’s upper lip curled into a sneer, Alfred couldn’t help but wonder what this would pull him into.

Arthur would find someway to absolutely ruin him, he was sure of it. A man with that little friends, one who read that much, he had to have some tricks up his sleeve. Sure, Alfred had never seen any evidence that he could pull the stick out of his ass and have some fun, but he could dream.

Excitement welled within him, pushing and pulling at his insides. This would be good. It had to be. Maybe he would curse at him, roast him to his very core. Arthur, according to Gilbert, was a savage in middle school. He could pull it off.

The sneer on Arthur’s lips faded, replaced by a cool, trained frown. As his face deadpanned, Alfred could’ve sworn that there was a hint of amusement in his eyes.

“I suppose I can live with it.” A beat later, Arthur picked up the mug, taking a long sip from it. No cringe. Nothing to indicate that there was anything in there other than normal tea.

Fuck. This guy had guts.

The feeling of failure followed him into the next morning, climaxing as Alfred made his first cup of coffee for the day. Arthur had already gone, leaving for his eight AM class without saying a single word. As if he’d forgotten the events of the day before.

Alfred leaned in towards the coffee maker, wafting in the scent as his cup slowly filled. He would have to try harder, at the very least do something different.

He glanced towards Arthur’s bookshelf before shaking his head. Arthur would kill him if he even dog-eared a book and made that clear his first day. If he did anything to them—Alfred shook the thought away before it could fully develop.

Grabbing his now-full cup of coffee, Alfred made his way to the pantry, taking a sip before setting it on the counter. He fished out a box of off-brand Oreos, pulling back the plastic film covering them.

Alfred reveled in the neat rows, exactly as he left them the day before. Taking a couple into his hand, Alfred dipped them one by one in his coffee. No matter what Arthur said, the result was addicting.

He took a bite out of the first one, ready to savor the pleasant mixture—

Something was wrong. Very wrong.

Whereas he expected a light mixture chocolate and mocha, a surge of mint took over his senses. It overpowered everything in his mouth, tasting worse than the salted tea, worse than the sauerkraut his grandmother shoved down his throat as a child.

Toothpaste. Someone replaced the icing with toothpaste.

Alfred spat out the concoction into the sink, throwing out the other ones he had dipped but had not yet eaten. Even with it no longer in his mouth, the hellish taste remained. They hadn't been like that yesterday, so it must’ve—

A thought popped into his head.

Slowly, Alfred took a step towards the package of not-Oreos. And then another. His lower eyelid started twitching, an irritating habit from when he was a kid.

Alfred once again peeled back the plastic cover, choosing a random cookie from each row and taking a small bite. Every single one of them. Filled with toothpaste.

He huffed, sliding the entire package in the trash. At the very bottom, several piles of slightly off-white and broken discs lay in their final resting place.

Alfred stared at the piles, flexing his fingers before digging them into the meat of his palm. The bastard didn't even have the heart to save the icing.

He scoffed.

The taste still having remained, Alfred made his way to the bathroom. Perhaps this whole thing made them even—no. No use in thinking like that. Arthur fucked with his Oreos, packages of those costing much more than a cup of tea.

Alfred flicked the light switch, the inner cogs of his mind already turning with ideas for revenge. He grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste off the counter, only to find the tube empty.

 And from there, a prank war started. Grass seeds in Arthur’s keyboard, an air horn duct taped to the bedroom door, a couple hundred sticky notes stuck to his car.

No matter what he did, Arthur would retaliate, whether it was the next morning or a week later. A box of glazed donuts from Alfred’s favorite bakery, but instead of the usual grape filling, mayonnaise. Paper cut out into the shape of a bug and taped to the underside of the lampshade. Mentos frozen in ice cubes, just waiting for Alfred to pour a can of coke over the top.

Now, after a good six months of going back and forth, Alfred knew he was ready. He was going to touch the books.

He wouldn’t mark or cut them up, of course. Hell no, he wouldn’t. Alfred decided then and there that he liked living, especially with all his limbs attached and organs in the right place. No, Alfred would just use them for a few moments.

Arthur was at the store, had just left, so Alfred had time until he would notice the start.

The entire setup took around three hours to organize, Alfred’s backpack filled to the brim with delicately used hardcovers. He placed the first one on the kitchen counter, propped up against a teapot to catch Arthur’s eye, before ratting around and scribbling a quick message on a post-it note and attaching it on the cover.

He placed the next one on Arthur’s favorite chair, another sticky note on the cover. The next, on his dresser. Another one on Arthur’s pillow. One by one, a book and a post-it note, some in the most obvious places in the world, others in nooks and crannies that only Arthur knew about.

Some in gallon backs to keep away the elements, others set on the dining room tables and couches of Arthur’s friends and family.

Which led them both to here.

Arthur sat across from him at the coffee shop they frequented, arms crossed, an irritated gleam in his eye. Alfred took a quick sip from his coffee cup, the memory of the those terribly minty Oreos tapping its way into his head. He pushed it back down.

Arthur huffed, his frown deepening, arms crossed, an irritated gleam in his eyes. Tapping his fingers quietly against the honeycomb wood, the look he gave Alfred sent spiders crawling down his spine.

“Alright, what did you have me running all over town for?” Just hearing his voice set his head spinning.

Alfred sat forward, bopping his knee up and down, up and down. He grinned. “Did you find all of them?”

Arthur’s glare had slowly lost its bite these past short months, filled with something unrecognizable. Undiscovered.

It was a look that drove him crazy, that left him reeling to find an answer. To find the key to tell him what the hell it was, what the hell it meant. But so far, nothing.

“I suppose that I did.” Arthur took a sip from his tea, the koozie slipping down the side of the cup. Alfred watched as a tongue darted out from Arthur's lips, cutting short a small drop of tea.

Fuck. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

“Except for one.”

Alfred grinned. “Oh?” The bastard never let anything go.

A deadpan. “You know which one I’m talking about.”

And indeed he did. There was no denying the that in his laptop bag sat the gem- the jewel, the prize?— of Arthur’s collection. No, he would see right through it if Alfred lied.

With a sigh, Alfred set the book on the table. Immediately, Arthur grabbed it, turning it and observing the front cover. Around thirty seconds later, he cracked open the first few pages, the final sticky note falling from the inner cover.

The sticky note that would either damn him or…

Alfred tightened his grip on his coffee cup as Arthur picked up the post-it, spiders crawling up and down his back. This was it.

“Page 231? You won’t be sending me to the next town over this time?” The joke was dry as hell, but Alfred couldn’t help but laugh.

“Nah, man.” He took a sip of his coffee. The bitter bite calmed his nerves, slowed the spiders down. But barely. He swallowed, pointing a finger towards the book. “I even dog-eared it for ya. So you didn’t have to look to hard.”

The way Arthur glared at him—oh, that made him mad. He had taken the bait. Good.

The glare morphed into a scowl as Arthur pulled at the dog-ear, one small enough that it could be easily smoothed out. He would’ve killed him if Alfred had done anything more, and he certainly didn’t have a death wish.

The scowl fell when Arthur stopped at the page. “Alfred—”

“Don’t.” The word left Alfred’s mouth before he could stop it. He quickly backtracked, holding his hands up in slight surrender before Arthur could bite back. “I mean—I didn’t do anything to it. Just read it. The fifth paragraph from the top. Aloud.”

Arthur blinked, glancing down down at the page. “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how—

“Ardently I admire and love you.” Alfred joined in at the final line, the small speech he had been rehearsing the entire of the thirty minutes before Arthur arrived.

The latter had frozen, that unknown expression creeping up on his face. It hurt, in a way, to not know what he was thinking.

“Alfred?” Emotionless, as if he was distancing himself.

He swallowed, itching for his coffee, for something to hold. “Yes?”

“Is this what I think it is?”

He could say no, say that it was all a prank. That was their dynamic now, it wouldn’t be unexpected. Wouldn’t be a surprise.

But there was something about the look in Arthur’s eyes that made him hopeful. That gave him the inkling that maybe—maybe—this would work.

Alfred sighed, looking Arthur dead in the eyes.

For the man who could knock down three shots before Alfred could do one.

For the man whose eyes froze with rage when his boss called him on his day off, or when a professor cancelled class when he had already left.

For the man who could down a mug of tea mixed with salt without a trace of a cringe.

For the man who laughed at the dirtiest and darkest of Alfred’s jokes, no matter how far he went.

Fuck, Alfred was in deep.

He pushed his fingers through his hair. “Yeah. It is.”

Silence.

Alfred raised his head from his coffee, Arthur staring at him with that damn look.

And when he smiled, Alfred knew that Arthur Kirkland was never boring. He was.

[cibokilley]

This tiny cat means the world to me. She’s the sweetest, most fragile cat I’ve ever met, and she snuggles like a champ, she’s a one-of-a-kind kitty and I’m not just saying that. I am in debt thanks to this cat, but y’know what? Money comes and goes. There’s only one Carmen. To me, there isn’t even a choice.

So, rather than reblog the original post which was hugelong, I’ve made a shorter version for easier viewing.

April 15th 2019

Went to see her last night, and she was improving.  She had the energy to fuss over her bandages -- the vet uses vet tape, a kind of non-sticky tape that binds to itself, to keep her IV steady on her leg, but cats tend to hate this, so she was quite put out about the whole thing. The ultrasound came back positive for a slightly enlarged liver, thus confirming the fatty liver. They're still trying to get her ketones levels down, which means she's got quite a while to spend in the ICU. I'm heading over in an hour to see her again. I'm gonna ask the doc about her prognosis. While I'm hoping this bout of diabetes will be temporary (6 months of recovery time, from what I've heard), she may turn out to be diabetic for life.   

But at least she's off the prednisone now.

April 16, 2019, 9pm

Just got back from visiting her again. Our girl is... getting better! The vet techs have told me that she's eating again, which is a GREAT sign of recovery. They had her on fentanyl as a painkiller, but after I asked for them to give her a little more -- she was curled up tight, not a good sign -- so they switched to buprenorphine, and her appetite immediately returned. With the painkillers she's also more active, and was grooming herself -- something she hasn't for a long while. Complicated story about that. Anyway, the current bill is sitting at $5170.40. The cost will continue ticking upward until she can be released. It'll be a thousand dollars per day. $6500 may not even cover this, but I'll see what I can do. Thank you, everyone who's already donated or has reblogged this fundraiser. I am in much deeper debt to your collective kindness. <3

April 17, 2019, 10am

GOOD NEWS 

Got a call this morning from the vet, and Carmen might be able to come back home either tonight or tomorrow! What this means is she will no longer have to be intently monitored in the ICU because her ketone and glucose are at safe levels now. They're still working to customize her insulin doses in order to prescribe a set amount per day, whether it's twice a day or once a day, along with a prognosis. More news after I visit her tonight. 

And yeah that’s another grand onto the current cost. 

[sinsiriuslyemo]

hello all! Here is the newest episode of Cuba v DR!! The ending is near! Also, I think we may have missed a giveaway, so we’ll hold it for this post! Each comment or reblog equals one entry! Thanks so much to everyone who continues to read this story!

EPISODE 42

You took a bite of your sandwich in your kitchen that afternoon as you looked at the clock. You could probably finish the laundry within the next two hours if you put your mind to it. As you finished the last of your soda, you set down your sandwich to grab the laundry basket from off the table just as your phone began to ring.

“Hello?” you asked, tucking the basket under one arm and moving to the washing machine.

“Hey tia,” you heard on the other end.

“Eddie! Que pasa?” You couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across your face at the sound of his voice.

“Not much. I start school next month. Just starting out with a couple classes. I’m gonna meet with my advisor, too and figure out how many credits I still need. Met with a therapist today, too and worked out a schedule for once a week sessions,” he answered. “How are you guys? How was tio’s birthday?”

“Small, you know how your tio is about parties. We just had a few people over for cake and presents. I’m so excited to hear you’re getting ready to go back to school. Your tio Rafi just had his baby. I’ll text you some pictures.”

“Yeah, I know. Tio called me after he was born and sent me a bunch of pictures of him. He’s so cute,” Eddie answered in a chuckle. “Have you gone to see him yet?”

“Yeah I went yesterday. Oh my god he smells just like a new baby. So good. He looks a ton like Roxie, don’t you think? I wish you could see him in person. We miss you, but I’m also thrilled to hear you’re settling in so nicely, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, he does look like Roxie,” he replied.

“How’s Greyson? Did he get the recipe I sent him for paella?” You started to load the washer with your free hand.

“Yeah, he got it. He’s good, really busy with his job,” Eddie answered. “How’s the center?”

“It’s thriving. We’re looking into expanding now. I’m honestly so excited,” you said with an eager smile.

“Oh that’s great!”

“It’ll help so many kids, you know? It’s what I dreamed about since I was younger. God it feels like an eternity ago since I got that center.” Your phone pinged with an incoming call from a number not saved in your phone. “Oh hey, I got another call. Can I text you later?”

“Yeah, sure,” Eddie replied. “Talk to you later, tia. Love you.”

“Love you too sweetie.” You ended the call, switching over to the other number. “Y/N Ramirez speaking.”

“Y/N, this is Diane from Guardians of Education. I’ve called with some good news! My bosses are interested in buying your center,” you heard on the other end.

“Buying? Oh no, I was looking for investors, not people to take over for me. I think there’s been a misunderstanding…”

“Oh I see,” Diane answered. “Um...well, I’m not so certain my bosses will be interested in investing, they were hoping to acquire, but I can certainly ask.”

“Please do. In acquiring, do I lose all my rights to the center?” You frowned at the thought. That place had been with you almost from the start.

“Yes, it would be a clean sale and our company would absorb yours,” she replied.

“I see. Please if you can, discuss the investment with them. If not, can I have some time to consider the offer?”

“Certainly,” she replied.

“Thank you, I really appreciate all of your time and consideration,” you said. “I will wait for your response on the matter.”

Once you’d ended the call you frowned to yourself. Sell the center? That place was your baby, your sanctuary. You couldn’t do that. Could you?

As soon as the laundry was dry, you moved upstairs, changing into a pretty dress and putting on a little makeup. It was just lunch but you enjoyed dressing up for Nevada lately.

You hurried to the restaurant the two of you decided to meet at, coming inside and sitting down at your usual table. You were looking over the menu when you felt a hand on your shoulder and you jolted as your eyes looked for the source.

“Hey,” Nevada said, sitting across from you. “I ordered for us already. You look nice.”

“Thanks,” you said and looked down at the menu. “Anything noteworthy happen today? Or is it too early for crime?” you teased.

“Just a regular day,” he replied, stretching his arms over either side of the booth. “You?”

“Guardians of Education called,” you said, frowning. “They want to buy the entire center instead of investing.”

“Shit,” he replied. “What are you gonna do?”

“Honestly, I don’t have a clue. This center is everything to me. It’s the best present I’ve ever gotten. But this is a chance to help kids and it could be so much bigger than just the Heights, you know?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “That’s true.”

You sighed, genuinely distraught. “I don’t know if I can give that place up. I still remember the day you gave it to me and how it made me feel. It was the first hope I’d had since prison. I had felt like I was lost without teaching, but you made me a place to keep my dream alive.” You smiled at the thought.

“Then keep it,” he replied, bobbing his shoulders.

“I don’t know, I hate making business decisions,” you said with a groan as the waiter brought your food.

“Then sell it “

You immediately grabbed your fork and took a bite, humming thoughtfully. “I’m just gonna think on it. There’s no need to make a rash decision, right?”

“Right,” he replied, picking up his sandwich and taking a bite. “How much are they offering?”

You thought for a moment. “Huh...I didn’t even think to ask.”

“You didn’t ask how much they’d give you for it?” he asked in a chuckle.

“They caught me off guard, I’m not good with business on a good day.” You scrunched up your nose in frustration. “I don’t even know what an appropriate price would be.”

“You should probably get it appraised so you go in knowing how much it’s worth,” he replied.

“Oh that’s a good idea!” You took another bite of your meal. “You are so good at this stuff. Thank god. I was gonna call Roxie to ask her advice but she just created a human life and I think that takes precedent. Although I feel like she’d love a distraction from the baby.”

“That bad, huh? He a cryer?”

“Not really, he seemed like an angel. I can’t figure out why she wouldn’t be all over that baby. She acted like he was a bomb or something.”

“Coño, pero you were only there for a couple of hours,” he replied. “And we both know how you get around babies. You’re a baby-hogger.”

“I didn’t hold him too much,” you said with a shrug. “I tried to hold him longe but he didn’t like the perfume I was wearing. So I’m gonna hold him next time the entire day,” you teased.

“Wow,” Nevada chuckled, popping the last piece of his sandwich into his mouth. “I can’t wait to see him, little Rafael.” He snickered, taking a sip of his water.

“He’s so cute, but also made me realize I never want more kids,” you said with a laugh. “You’re right, we have more than enough and even changing one diaper made me realize how much I don’t wanna raise another person.”

“Good, cause I’m all tapped out,” he answered.

You chuckled and sipped your drink. “I’m already not sure what’s gonna happen when we have three teenagers in the house at once.”

“We can ship their asses off to boarding school,” he teased.

“Sounds good to me,” you said, grinning at your husband. “Oh and Izzy texted me to say thank you again for visit her. I think it made her day.”

“She texted me too, that girl’s a little crazy,” he replied. “She needs to catch a break, you know?”

“Even I think her life is a little depressing. It seems like trouble just follows her. Between the first gallery shooting and the second one blowing up I am in awe that she still wants to create work. Is Jasper upset? I know he had work in there too.”

“No, he had the place insured, paintings too and he’s got a guy in the precinct down there. He got his investment back,” he answered.

“Lucky Jasper. At least things worked out for him. I was worried a little. Izzy should have insured her work. Although do they do that if she’s not rich?”

“Well, her paintings were in the building, which was insured. So he’ll probably cut her a check for the estimated losses as soon as he works out a break down with his suit,” Nevada answered. “She’ll get a cut.”

“Well at least that’s something, she’ll be able to afford more paints and supplies.” You sighed. “I wish I knew how to help her more. She actually seems to either be in full denial or total acceptance.”

“You can’t fix it,” he said. “Just be there for her.”

“I know, it just sucks. When I was a little girl and I had a problem, I felt like Rafi could fix anything. Even when I was older. I want to be there for my little sister.”

“You can be there for her, you just can’t fix everything. Sometimes people don’t want something fixed, they just wanna know that everybody else has their back,” he said.

“You’re right,” you said with a smirk. “As always.”

“I know.”

Leonard got off of the elevator in building 811 on 183rd and Amsterdam, Detective Fernandez trailing not far behind him. As they approached the door, the stockier man exchanged a glance with his detective before he brought one thick paw up and knocked twice.

“Julio Dominguez, this is NYPD! Open up!” he called out in his baritone of a growl.

There was the click of a lock before a man opened the door, rubbing a hand over his face. “NYPD? I didn’t do anything.”

“You own a 1998 black Chevy van, where is it?” Leonard asked, ignoring Julio’s statement.

“It was stolen, coño, where were you people when the fuckers took it, huh?”

“You never reported it, so how could we know it was stolen?” Detective Fernandez replied.

“You’re all always around when we don’t want you. Figured you’d be here to stop an actual crime,” he mumbled. “I haven’t seen my van in a while.”

“We’re cops, not fortune tellers, Dominguez,” Leonard said as he took out his phone and nudged his detective before he began to walk back to the elevator. “It’s Williams from the three-three. I need a BOLO to all boroughs on a 98 Chevy, black, license Alfa-one-Sierra-four-zero-four.”

Roxie was up early that morning making coffee and breakfast for everyone. She was excited to take a look at her new bakery location options. Jacob was supposed to arrive at her place any moment now. Rafael was holding Liam’s bottle with one hand while he ate with the other while Helena tried to get Roxie to sit down.

“I have it, Roxanne. Go on and sit, eat with your family,” Helena said, finally prying the spatula from her daughter’s hand.

“You know I enjoy cooking for my family, mum,” Roxie argued half-heartedly as she moved to sit beside her husband, handing him his coffee. “Good morning, my love,” she said with a smile.

“Morning, babe,” Rafael replied, setting down his fork to burp Liam as he looked up at his wife. “You sleep any better last night?”

“Not really,” she said softly and shrugged. “Did you?” She reached over, gingerly touching her son’s head for a few moments.

“About as much as he did,” Rafael answered, glancing at Liam as he patted the infant’s back. He smirked softly before turning towards Roxie. “You want him?”

“I would but I’m leaving in a minute. Besides, you two look so cute,” she said with a laugh.

At that moment Liam burped, a thin stream of milk rolling down his chin and onto Rafael’s shoulder.

“Adorable,” Rafael groaned in a chuckle. “You won’t be gone long, right? Liam loves spending time with his mommy.”

“Shouldn’t be more than a few hours. We only have four locations.” She let her thumb stroke over the baby’s head. “You understand, right Liam?”

The baby boy scrunched his face in discomfort just before a high-pitched toot sounded from his bottom. His face relaxed again, eyes shifting to his mother’s voice.

“I’ll bet that little trumpet has an encore coming up,” Rafael mused, kissing the back of his son’s head.

She opened her mouth to speak just as a knock at the door pulled her attention away. “That must be Jacob, he wanted to see the baby for a moment before we went,” she said, moving to the door and smiling when she opened it.

“Congratulations are in order,” Jacob said, holding out an envelope for her. “This is for your newest edition to the family.”

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do anything,” Roxie said as she let him in. “He’s over here with Rafi.”

Looking over Liam’s head, Rafael smiled politely at their visitor. “Morning Jacob.”

“Good morning, Rafael. Fatherhood treating you kindly?”

“So far so good,” Rafael answered.

Jacob moved over to look at the baby and smirked. “Damn, I owe some people at Lavender in London some money. He looks just like you, Roxie.”

“Thank God for that,” Rafael teased as he gently rubbed Liam’s back.

“I think that just means he’ll have my love’s witty personality,” Roxie said with a grin. “Oh mum, I’d like for you to meet Jacob, my business partner.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Jacob. Roxanne has spoken highly of you,” Helena said, coming into the dining room from the kitchen to shake Jacob’s hand.

“I see where Roxie got her beauty from,” he said with a smile, shaking her hand before turning to Roxie. “Shall we? The real estate agent said he’d meet us there.”

“Yes, I will see you all in a bit. Wish us luck.” She moved to kiss Rafael and Liam before following Jacob to the door.

“Say bye to mommy,” Rafael said to Liam who began to cry.

“Oh, I know a sweet boy who could use a change and some time with nanna,” Helena said as she gently took Liam from Rafael.

“He’s beautiful, Roxie,” Jacob said as they stepped into the hallway. “You know, I meant what I said, I can handle this alone if you’d prefer to stay with your family.”

“No, no, a third location is important,” she said with a frown. “I swear, you choose to step away from your newborn for a few hours and you’re the worst mum on the planet. I’m not leaving him alone with a lit stove, he’s with my mum and his dad.”

“I wasn’t insinuating anything, I was merely offering. I honestly think you coming with me looks more poorly on my part than on yours. I would be remiss if I hadn’t at least offered,” he replied.

“I’m sorry, the hormones are making me a little off kilter,” she admitted, offering him a smile. “I haven’t been feeling much like myself.”

“That’s to be expected I imagine. Child birth can take a lot out of a person and it takes time to get used to being a new parent. My children are eight and twelve, I’m still not used to it.”

Roxie snorted a laugh. “I like your kids,” she said as the two got into a cab to head over to their first location. “Was their mother ever...uneasy with them as newborns?”

“Not sure. We had a nanny for the most part,” he answered. “She did once begin to cry hysterically in the middle of the night when our youngest was collicy, but as soon as we realized the problem it was remedied in no time at all.”

“Oh,” she said softly. She had begun to feel like these feelings were just hers. Her mother described something similar, but not exactly the same. “I like your kids,” she repeated as she got out of the cab when it stopped at their destination.

“You’ll fall into a routine before you know it. Being a mother will become second nature,” he said with a smile.

“So I’ve been told,” she said with an empty laugh. As they moved over to the real estate agent, they made their way inside the first location. Roxie looked it over, inspecting it, asking detailed and long-winded questions as she looked over the building permits. In the end she spent two and a half hours at that single location.

“Roxanne, not to be a bother but we do have three more locations to get to,” Jacob reminded with a concerned look.

She looked up from the permits and nodded. He was right, plus she had only supposed to have been gone a few hours. She felt a sense of dread to going back to those four walls. She loved her home but she was getting stir crazy in the house. “How early did you and your wife take your baby out? Just for walks or something.”

“Han was about two weeks old when we took him out to a family occasion, but only a few days when we took him out just for a walk,” he answered.

“I think I need to be out of the house for a little while,” she said softly. “You know? I’m tired of seeing the same thing everyday with no change.”

“I’m shocked you even have the time to notice. Our nanny was constantly up for diaper changes and feedings. Babies can be quite demanding,” Jacob replied.

“He is very demanding, but Rafael seems to love all of the nurturing, so I let him take over when he wants. He’s so excited to have a son,” she said with a smile.

“Well, I’m glad. It’s good he isn’t one of those fathers that leaves that child rearing to the mother,” Jacob replied.

“No, he’s a huge help,” she said with a smile as they got back into a cab to head to the next location. By the last location, Roxie was worn down. “I think I like the third,” she said as she yawned, looking at her phone.

She’d been gone six hours and she still had to meet with Josie. She sighed. At least she’d make it home by dinner.

“The third place was the best design-wise, though it is the most expensive,” Jacob replied with a nod. “But I agree, it’s the best location for another store. Go on, get home to your family. I can handle the negotiations.”

“Alright, check in with me later?” she asked with a smile.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Of course.”

She moved to the cab, hoping in and firing off a text to Josie asking where to meet. It wasn’t long before her phone pinged with an answer from Josie, offering to meet at Roxie’s apartment.

Roxie gave the cab driver her address and headed home to her husband and baby. The second she was through the door she could hear Liam crying.

“I’m home!” she called out.

“Dinner will be ready soon!” she heard her mother call back as Rafael came out of the nursery with Liam.

“Hey, he needs to eat and I gave him the last of what you pumped earlier,” her husband said. “Can you take him?”

“Yes of course,” she said, taking the baby and sitting down to feed him. “How was he today?”

“Fine, we had a great day. Read a few stories, played on the sensory mat. He really loves the orange ball on that thing, and he got to meet Mowgli. I got a lot of pictures, you’ll love them.”

She smiled. “I’d love to see them tonight.” She looked down at Liam while he ate. “You must have had a busy day Liam. Would you like to take a walk outside tomorrow?”

“That sounds great, I bet he’d love that. Might be good to get him some fresh air, too,” Rafael replied.

“You’re coming right? I don’t want to take him out by myself.”

“You’re nuts if you think I’m gonna miss his first walk through New York City,” Rafael answered with a smirk just before there was a knock at the door. “I’ll get it.”

Roxie grinned the second she saw Josie’s face. “You’re here!” She looked down at Liam to see he was still feeding.

“Am I?” Josie replied as she came inside. “Are any of us really here?”

“Hi Josie,” Rafael said in a chuckle.

Once Liam was finished, Roxie pulled up her top and put him against her chest and started to burp him. “I’m so excited to see you. How are you?”

“Oh, you know, same ole. Looking for a roommate since apparently, I cannot afford to live alone as I thought I could. I forgot how expensive it was to be single.”

“Oh really? Izzy is looking for a roommate. She gets lonely now that her nephew and his boyfriend moved out,” Roxie offered as Liam finally burped. “Done eating then? Do you miss your daddy?” She smiled up at Rafael. “Want to hold him?” She waited until Rafael took the baby.

“No, you haven’t seen him all day. Take your time,” Rafael answered with furrowed brows.

“No shit, I’ll have to get in touch with her and see if she’s into the idea of us being roomies,” Josie answered.

“Definitely give her a call,” Roxie said with a smile. “You want to hold him? As long as you sanitize your hands first.”

“Sure! Wait…” Josie looked at Rafael hesitantly before shifting her eyes back to Roxie. “Is he going to explode?”

“Of course not, don’t be silly.” Roxie watched Josie run hand sanitizer over her hands and arms. She stood and gently placed the baby in her friend’s arms. His little eyes stared up at Josie’s face.

“Well, hey there little fella,” Josie said with a grin. “Damn, you’re cute. You live around here?”

“He’s really cute right? A lot of hair too. Which is weird, I didn’t have heartburn,” Roxie said with a chuckle.

“Heartburn? Is that a thing?” Josie asked.

“Oh yeah, tons of mums get heartburn when their baby has a lot of hair,” Roxie informed.

“Josie, darling, are you staying for dinner?” Helena asked as she came into the dining room with a serving bowl of food.

“Oh please stay,” Roxie pleaded.

“Sure, I could eat,” Josie replied, handing Liam back to Roxie. “I have to pee first though.”

Roxie looked down at the baby, watching him watch her. “Hi again, Liam.”

She couldn't be certain, but could’ve sworn that she saw the corner of his little lips curl upward as he gazed up at her.

“Oh stop it,” she said with a smile. “You can’t possibly be that cute.”

You moved to the table up on the roof, setting plates down as you hummed along to the radio you’d turned on to entertain you while you prepared for dinner. Sunday’s were both your favorite and least favorite time. You loved family but the preparation was always a lot.

“I think the sweet potatoes are done,” Amber said as she opened the door. “Want me to take them out?” She’d come earlier than usual so the two of you could hang out beforehand. Now that people were arriving, the two of you were focused on getting things ready. Melissa and OJ had already arrived, along with your mother and Gladys, only leaving Omar and Izzy left to arrive.

“Yes!” you called back to her before walking over to your husband. “How’s the pig?”

“Probably just a few minutes,” he answered.

“Barbie!”

“What?” You turned your head smacking your husband in the face with your ponytail.

“The fuck?” he groaned, rubbing the slight sting out of his nose.

“Sorry babe.”

“What did you want me to do with the green beans? Bring them out already?” Amber asked.

“The fuck are you guys doing green beans for? What is this Thanksgiving?” OJ mused.

“Yes, but keep the lid on them so they don’t get too cold. Ask Melissa what else needs to be done!” you called back, ignoring OJ’s question. You sighed once Amber closed the door. “Honestly I wish she’d just set the table and not insist on helping with the cooking. She’s always been awful with food.” You moved to set the last plate down.

“No shit, I’m shocked Omar is still alive,” OJ replied in a chuckle, earning a laugh from Nevada.

“Oye, the pig is ready whenever you women are done making Thanksgiving dinner,” Nevada said, nudging your ribs.

You wagged a scolding finger at both men, unable to stop a grin. “There is nothing wrong with green beans.”

“Yeah, sure, if you’re trying to whitewash Latin cuisine,” Omar chortled as he came onto the roof. “By the way your mom’s looking for you and Amber is putting salt on the beans.”

“Oh sweet Jesus,” you groaned and smacked Omar’s arm. “Why wouldn’t you stop her?!” You rushed downstairs.

“Cause it’s more fun to watch you freak out,” he replied with a grin.

“Amber, you don’t salt green beans. That’s what the butter is for.” You took the salt from her hand.

“Really? Okay, where would you like me?” Amber asked. “I’m here to help.”

“Perfect, can you go get the kids washed up for dinner? We’re just waiting on my sister,” you said.

“Your sister’s right here!” Amber called out after you.

“Then tell her to help out!” you called back, grabbing the green beans and moving back up to the roof and dropping the plate off quickly before moving back down to the kitchen as Melissa and your mother started to carry the food up to the roof.

“Oye, we need to have that conversation before we eat,” your mother said as she followed you into the kitchen.

“Now isn’t a good time, mami.” Your brows furrowed as you stepped to the side. “Que pasa?”

“Como que now isn’t a good time, pero are you expecting the president of the United States to come to dinner?”

“Que pasa, mami?” you repeated.

“I had a talk with your brother last week and he told me something that I want to talk to you about,” she said.

“Okay… what would you like to talk about?”

“What happened with him y la tipa esa,” she replied, gesturing with her eyes in the direction of the stairs that led to the roof, where Amber had just gone.

“Amber? Mami, it happened years ago. It doesn’t matter now.” You shook your head and sighed. “If you want to know, you should ask Rafael or her. Not me.”

“Si, he told me everything,” she replied, arching a brow. “Let me ask you something, Y/N...did you even care about how your brother felt about you being best friends with the woman--ah no, espera, women--that broke his heart?”

“Women? What are you talking about?” You furrowed your brows. “Emmy? It’s not like we’re close.”

“I don’t understand why Lily calls her tia then or why she still sends birthday presents,” Lucia challenged. “You never corrected her? Lily? When she calls Emny tia, you’ve never explained to her that she’s not her tia?”

“She grew up knowing Emmy. It was habit to call her tia and I didn’t correct her because I didn’t think it was much of a problem.”

“She’s not done growing up, como que she grew up knowing Emmy? She knew Emmy for two years of her life, she’s eight, pero que te pasa, chica?” your mom answered, placing her hands on her hips. “Eso es una boberia. But what I want to talk about is why you betrayed your brother after la dama esa did what she did to him.” She used a thumb to gesture towards the stairs again.

You purses your lips. “Do you think I loved that my best friend and brother dated? No. It was always going to get complicated. They were going to break up because Raf is picky and Amber can be terrible most if not all of the time. Did I picture she’d leave without warning? No. I had no idea and frankly I didn’t want her back in my life. But over time I forgave her. I figured if I kept her away from Rafael it wouldn’t be a problem. I was obviously wrong. Of course I feel guilty for what happened and how I handled it. I know I was a bad sister for it. But what’s done is done and I want to move on. Rafael moved on. So did Amber. It’s done.”

“Ah si? It’s done? Bueno, I’m so glad that you’re fine with being a bad sister,” your mother replied as Omar and Nevada stumbled into the kitchen.

“Oh shit, sorry,” Nevada mumbled.

Lucia ignored the interruption, eyes still on you. “Déjame decirte algo, Y/N. Ese es tu hermano, not some guy off the street, me entiendes? He deserves your loyalty over anyone else. Pero since you’re okay, I guess everything is fine, right? Who cares about how anybody else feels as long as Y/N is okay!”

“Should we go back upstairs?” Omar asked.

“No, you’re fine to stay,” you said sarcastically, crossing your arms. “Enjoy the show. At least you’ll see where I get my dramatics from,” you mumbled. You knew you were wrong in this case but you were not about to admit that to your mother.

“Dramatics. Was it dramatic when Rafael called to tell you que esa mujer told him she loved him and then left? Was it dramatic when she disconnected her phone, too? Oh no, esparte, it was dramatic when she called you a year later to tell you that she was sorry for what she did to you and you forgave her just like that.” She snapped her fingers. “Right? I taught you better than that, Y/N!”

“We’re gonna go upstairs,” Nevada said, pulling Omar out of the kitchen.

“How could you forgive someone for doing such a thing to your own brother?!” your mother shouted. “Esa tipa is not your family! Rafael is, he deserved your loyalty more than someone who would do that and then just show up one day and act as though everything is fine. How can you sleep at night?! How could you look at your brother in the eye and say you love him when you were so quick to stab him in the back?!”

“Amber and Rafael never should have happened,” you said simply. You wanted to talk about this with your brother. Work it out with him. Not your mother. The fact that she was involved did nothing but infuriate you and you had never fought well when you were mad. You needed to talk to Rafael, not her.

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT, Y/N!!!”

You heard footsteps coming down the stairs. “Oye,” Nevada poked his head from around the door. “Everybody can hear you guys, por favor.”

“NO. THE POINT IS THAT THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND MY BROTHER. END OF DISCUSSION.”

Lucia widened her eyes. “COMO?!”

“Oh shit,” Nevada mumbled.

“DON’T THINK YOU’RE TOO OLD PARA UN CHANCLETASO! ME ENTIENDES? FALTA RESPETO!” your mother shouted.

“For real, you probably shouldn’t have said,” Nevada said.

“Oye! Dale paraya, carajo!” Lucia snapped, swatting the back of Nevada’s head. He wasted no time in dodging back up the stairs and away from the situation.

“I’m done with this. You can argue all you want but I’m done,” you said, moving past your mother.

“Si, okay. The world according to Y/N,” Lucia replied, following you up to the roof. “As long as Y/N is happy, everybody else can go to hell.” She didn’t stop walking, even when you did, until she shoving the door to the roof open and walking to the table to sit.

“Not everyone, but some people can go to hell,” you mumbled in frustration to yourself. You took a deep breath before moving out to the table and sitting down as well.

“Everything okay?” Amber asked you in a quiet voice.

“You do not wanna get involved,” you mumbled to her. “Trust me on this.”

“Okay,” Amber mouthed with wide eyes, turning back to Izzy. “So anyway, like I was saying, just think of this as a hiccup. You’ll get back on your feet in no time.”

“I know, it’s just so freakin frustrating. I had a real chance with Jasper. He’s a big time art name and all of it went up in flames. Literally.” She sighed and poured her glass of wine to the brim.

“He’s loaded, he’ll be fine,” Amber replied with a shrug.

“He knows it wasn’t your fault, Iz,” Nevada said, taking a swig from his beer.

“He’d be crazy to work with me again. Clearly after two incidents I have some kind of curse,” she groaned. “Maybe my dad was right and art is never gonna make me money.”

“Dad sucked,” you said with a smirk. “Nothing that ever came out of his mouth was right.”

“I guess,” Izzy replied with a shrug.

“Mami, why was abuela yelling at you?” Lily asked.

“Oye, don’t worry about it,” Nevada said.

“But why was she mad?” Lily asked again.

“Lily, it’s grown up stuff, okay? I promise you, it’s okay. Abuela and I are just having a disagreement,” you said as you stroked your daughter’s hair.

“It’s always grown up stuff,” Lily groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t be a smart ass,” Nevada said, arching a brow at his daughter.

The dinner was awkward and felt longer than usual, you barely listened to what anyone was saying. By the end of it you told everyone to leave the dishes and you’d handle it. You loved cleaning dishes when you were upset. It had always been very therapeutic.

The second the last person had gone, you went right to it, rolling up your sleeves and starting to scrub your frustrations out on the plates while Nevada put the kids to bed. By the time you were halfway through the dishes, footsteps sounded from behind you and Nevada came in, sitting at the kitchen table.

“What the hell happened with you and your mom? She didn’t say a word during dinner,” he said.

“She wants to drag up things from the past, attack me in my own home? I am not dealing with her bullshit. I will talk with my brother on my own. God she is so infuriating!” You slammed another dish down and turned to Nevada. “She is so stubborn!”

“She’s your mom, not some chick. What happened?” he asked again. “I’ve never seen her that pissed before.”

“She’s mad I’m friends with Amber after what she did to Rafael. And she decided to confront me in my own house. She has some nerve. I’m not doing Sunday dinner next week. Not just so she can come in here with her attitude and judge me. No thank you. Count me out.”

Nevada furrowed his brows. He decided he wouldn’t acknowledge your threat to cancel Sunday dinner and instead try to decipher what had actually happened. “What’d Amber do to Rafael?”

“Amber and Rafael were a couple.”

“Yeah, that much I already knew,” he replied.

“Then Amber left Rafael without a reason or a single word of goodbye. It was a horrible thing to do, I don’t disagree. But you know what would have stopped all that? If my dumbass best friend and my dumbass brother hadn’t dated in the first place. It happened too many years ago for me to think about. I made mistakes. Forgave too easy and I hurt my brother. But that’s none of her business!” you shouted.

“Actually, what would’ve stopped it is if Amber hadn’t been so damn cold. That’s fucked up. No wonder he was so pissed when she first showed up here,” he replied. “So wait, your mom’s pissed at you cause Amber’s a bitch?”

“She’s pissed I stayed friends with Amber. Stop calling her a bitch.”

“She is a bitch,” he replied with a bob of his shoulders. “Pero, you didn’t know about her leaving like that, right?”

“Yes I knew. Please don’t turn this into a lecture. I really can’t handle it right now. I don’t want to hear how I’m a bad sister. I know that.”

He let out a breath that puffed out his cheeks. “I’m not gonna give you lecture…” He pressed his lips together and averted his eyes, clearly trying to keep himself from saying something.

You groaned. “Okay fine, lemme have it. Let’s get it over with.”

He opened his mouth, shaking his head as his brows jumped to his forehead. “I’m not saying anything...but if somebody did that shit to my brother, they’d be cut off, no question. That’s it.”

You sighed, taking your gloves off and taking a deep breath. “Can we not talk about it?” you pleaded. “Can I just have some support emotionally for a second? I will talk to my brother. But right now I could really fucking use a hug. I am just about done with this shitty Sunday.”

He scratched the back of his head and stood, going up to hug you and pat your back.

You rested your face in the crook of his neck and let out a sigh. “I’m sorry we ruined dinner,” you mumbled against his skin.

“It didn’t ruin dinner,” he replied. “You should probably talk to Rafael...has he ever mentioned anything?”

“I’m going to talk to him. I promise. I don’t think we’ve ever talked in detail or anything but I apologized!” You thought for a moment, quickly realizing that you couldn’t remember exactly when you’d apologized. “I...I must have apologized. Didn’t I?” You pressed your face tighter against Nevada and frowned when you realized that you never had apologized. “Oh my god, I’ve never apologized.”

“Shit, that’s cold as fuck,” he mumbled. “Coño and I’ve heard you tell him to get over what happened, too. A bunch of times.”

“Fuck, I fucked up so bad. What do I do? Oh my god, how does he not hate me?” You looked up to your husband. “How do I bring it up after I’ve said so many horrible things?”

“He doesn’t hate you cause at the end of the day, you’re his little sister,” Nevada answered. “I don’t know how you’re supposed to bring it up, pero...you can’t just let him keep thinking that you don’t give two shits. Cause I know you care about him.”

“I know. Shit. Okay I’m gonna talk to him soon. We need to talk.” You let go of Nevada and sighed. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, sure,” he replied. “It’s gonna be even more fucking awkward for me to see Amber now, pero...I’ll figure it out.”

“You two don’t like each other anyway,” you said with a quirk of your brow. “Doesn’t seem like much changed.”

“No, except now I know I was right about her all along,” he mumbled with a shrug.

“She’s still my best friend. You don’t have to like her, but please don’t trash talk her in front of me.”

He snorted and rolled his eyes. “Figures.”

“I don’t feel like that’s too much to ask. You don’t see me criticizing the people you hang out with. And trust me, I have plenty of ammunition if I wanted to.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” he asked, turning to face you with a smirk.

“Do you want me to start with the criminals or the strippers or what? Because I can go at random. If I judged people, I probably wouldn’t have married a crime lord, don’t you think? Amber made some really terrible mistakes. So have I. I shot a woman in the face once. Two if you count Trinity.”

“You didn’t answer the question,” he said, smirk growing.

“How about your sociopathic brother to start? Jasper, who I enjoy but has more ties to the dark world than Satan himself. Remember when you hung out with Natalia? That was super fun. What about the gun running motorcycle gang?”

Again he snorted. “That’s all shit everybody knows, at least they’re not sneaky mother fuckers. And none of them ever tried to come between family.” He started to turn around, but then added. “Oh and I never hung out with Natalia. We did business together, that’s not the same thing.”

“Yeah I remember, you did real good business,” you grumbled.

“What the fuck does that mean?” he asked around a grin.

You batted your eyelashes and did your best Natalia impression. “We make a good team, don’t you think Trujillo? You give me very good...how do you Americans say...tactical support.”

“Wow,” he replied in a chuckle. “I’m sorry, is that supposed to make me feel bad? I was never friends with that puta. I never invited her to Sunday dinners or defended her when she fucked up. You lost this one, mami. Least Natalia never played the ‘I’m so innocent, nothing is ever my fault’ card. I can’t say the same for Blanca. Coño, she even tried to get between me and you a couple times, pero what, she gets a pass for that? Carajo, what is she the only fucking female in New York?”

“She’s my best friend for reasons I don’t think most people will get. And that’s just how it is. She’s my best friend. I did not lose. Your friends suck way worse. And Natalia couldn’t play the innocent card because she was too busy trying to take what is mine.”

“My friends suck? And you invite them to Sunday dinner? Treat them like family? Coño, you’re colder than Blanca, you two deserve each other,” he replied.

“Not family friends. Of course I love the ones who come to dinner. I love having this much family. You know that.” you said as you rolled your eyes.

“What friends are you talking about then? Cause the only people I consider real friends are the ones who come here,” he replied.

“Never mind, I’m so tired of today,” you said with a laugh, running your fingers through your hair.

“Oh, okay, yeah, sorry about that your highness. Go ahead get some rest,” Nevada replied in a chuckle as he turned and walked towards the stairs. “You know what your problem is, babe? You give out that friendship title like it’s fucking candy. Shit, I’ve heard you call Emmy and even Roxie your best friend and we both know that’s not true. I don’t know why you think it’s cute to tell people they’re your best friend when everyone of them knows that you’d sell them out in a split second for Blanca. Shit, you’ve even sold me out for her. I’m not trying to be a dick, I’m just telling you the truth.”

You frowned and looked at your husband. “Did I really sell you out for her?” you asked softly.

“Couple times, yeah,” he answered, bobbing his shoulders.

“I’m really sorry, you’re my husband. I should have had your back.” You hadn’t even thought about it before. You chose Amber over everyone and you couldn’t keep doing that. You two weren’t in college anymore. “It’ll never happen again. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place.”

He nodded his head. “It’s okay. She’s good at making other people look like assholes and being the hero in a situation. You just haven’t seen it,” he said softly. “I’m not trying to talk shit, I’m just telling you what I’ve seen, from an outsider’s point of view. And I only tell you cause I love you, I don’t think you deserve to be manipulated, that’s it.”

You moved to him, kissing his cheek. “Thank you,” you whispered. “I may not like everything you say but you’ve always had my best interests. I forget that sometimes.”

“Course I do, I’ll always tell you like it is. You know me, I don’t sugarcoat shit,” he answered, gently squeezing your hip.

You smiled at him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Lets go to bed.”

“Go ahead, I’ll put the rest of the dishes in the dishwasher and be right up,” he said, kissing you briefly and moving to the sink.

[fromthedeskofelizabeththird]

So this is the Bullshit

I don’t believe in call out posts. I think they’re unnecessary and usually create a tidal wave of drama over a misunderstanding or an issue that might have been resolved with a simple click of ‘unfollow’ or block’.

This is one of those instances where it is necessary. Where the actions of one person are genuinely harmful and quite likely malicious and it’s actually impossible to know the extent of everything they have done.

Before I proceed, I want to make it clear that I do not condone sending this person hateful asks-or, indeed, any- asks about their behaviour. If you wish to unfollow or block them-or not- then that is your business. But I did not make this post to encourage spiteful behaviour.

I want to thank everyone who contributed to this post, whether it was sending me data, good vibes, proofing or just cheering up my cranky butt at varying points between now and April. Without further ado:-

This is a callout post for user Vallanoble, for actions spanning back to February of this year.

Before I start, I need to point out a couple of things, this is a long ass story. It might take at least one session to get through all of the receipts, of which there are many.

Also: tumblr took a shit on the formatting and none of the links work now. Everything is ugly but I have a back up I’ll post when whatever weird glitch this is fixes itself.

SEVERE TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS POST

Secondly, for much of April, before this story crossed over to tumblr, Vallan went by a nickname that was an amalgamation their general location on my statcounter and the fact they had sent weird anons as opposed to their actual name. Now that the story is being publicly connected to a singular individual, I’ve edited out all references to physical locations from my data and switched out the actual place in the document with the word ‘dipshit’. Yes, this took hours. Yes. I had a LOT of help. This is in the interest of protecting user privacy, however and not dishonesty.

First things first, Dipshit anon is an overly passionate Zen fan. They don’t interact much, so tbh I never really noticed them ?? But for sure they were following me around the time of this post 

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/155205738770/1-am-i-the-only-person-who-feels-like-zen-is

(which seems to be the first they reblogged from me) and I recall they had been for quite some time at the time of this one

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156327734615/i-love-how-you-always-take-survivors-opinions-into

which they later alluded to in a post of their own.

It’s important to actually note several things happening at this point:-

Random overly enthusiastic Zen anon exhibit A // http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156228295970/you-know-theres-something-that-annoys-me-like

Not so rando enthusiastic Zen anon // http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156308585305/i-have-a-question-how-did-you-interpret-zens-bad

Zen anon the third // http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156206700610/what-are-your-thoughts-on-the-conflict-between-zen

Zen’s creepy childhood brought up with the beginnings of resentment towards a Jumin post made only shortly before

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156210280495/honestly-im-so-glad-youre-talking-about-how

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/155500851985/what-do-you-think-to-the-thoery-that-jumin-is-a

Tbh I’m a bit annoyed that tumblr removed their historical notes from posts so I can’t actually reference stuff properly >:[, but January was a very busy month in terms of Zen anons (a pretty recent thing, so I don’t think Dipshit had been following me for THAT long??) asking me about stuff while I posted Jumin fics and other Jumin meta, all while Dipshit anon liked the posts all of thirty seconds after I answered them, which basically led me to the conclusion they’d probably been the one asking in the first place.

In January, they talked to me about fanfiction

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156305150630/vallanoble-replied-to-your-post-wait-why-dont

This is important. At the very least please take note of the tone

In January, they were also posting this, complaining about Jumin blogs shitting on their favourite character.

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/156356257463/something-ive-noticed-is-that-almost-all-the

(I took screens in case of deletion)

This post is fine on its own, but crucial context for what came later.

By this point, I had them tagged on Statcounter, though I didn’t know about these posts until February, when this debacle happened

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157102446080/i-looked-everywhere-my-desk-my-files-the

Tl;dr, in a conversation about how Jumin fans felt uncomfortable about a particular phone call, an anon came out of the blue to change the thread of conversation to Zen. Why is that familiar?!?

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157093746030/just-read-through-all-the-debating-about-jumin-and

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157097601850/the-breadcrumbs-call-is-outgoing-not-incoming

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157098711835/im-honestly-not-trying-to-be-so-salty-but-im

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157097035190/seven-does-make-passing-guilt-trippy-comments-in

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157112807900/to-clarify-it-was-annoying-that-the-discussion

Take note of this post and this one

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157112807900/to-clarify-it-was-annoying-that-the-discussion

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/157097417010/i-just-meant-during-the-conversation-about-sevens

Same day, take note of this

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/157117392193/lj-writes-shippers-my-ship-is-totally-not

(screenshot), 

plus this post from a short while earlier 

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/155827891443/what-really-irked-me-more-so-than-just-the-fact

(screenshot 1) 

(screenshot 2)

Same behaviours as before. Both resenting discussion of Jumin where relevant and blaming me personally for gross fandom behaviours I was not guilty of. I had statcounter data too (no longer unfortunately, as I have the free version), but anyway, I blocked the user and went on my merry way.

Note:- In case it is not clear, I was able to work out the identity of Dipshit and block them based on their historical activity, previous asks they had passed onto me (which in turn led to their tag on stats), stat counter data at the time of the debacle (data I don’t have anymore, but they remained tagged in April) and a cross reference of posts on their own blog.

Side note:- Here is Dipshit admitting to sending the anons (paragraph 4)

And again, (paragraph 2)

And again (paragraph 2)

And again

A n d   a g a i n

In any case. Check out these posts from March 

http://themystic-messenger.tumblr.com/post/158096675544/vallanoble-replied-to-your-post-me-i-dont

(screenshot)

, [x] 

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/158933352583/the-amount-of-hate-and-aggression-towards-people

 (screenshot)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/158973582463/yall-rant-and-rave-about-how-rika-abused-v-and

 [x]

 (screenshot) 

and this one from April

http://themystic-messenger.tumblr.com/post/159234167469/i-rly-love-all-ur-posts-bc-i-agree-with-your

(screenshot here)

Once again, crucial context for what comes later.

Prior to JuminV week, I received this ask

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/159180924940/zenxv-and-zenxjumin

This question came off the back of this ask to Jun, which was liked by Dipshit anon.

https://xeraeus.tumblr.com/post/159177453126/what-i-was-asking-a-question

There is currently no evidence to tie the ask itself to Dipshit however, in light of what happened later, I am including that detail nonetheless.

On the first day of JuminV, this was posted

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159427686298/sees-zen-x-jumin-content-stop-that

 (screenshot here)

followed succinctly by this ask

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/159426686395/am-i-the-only-one-annoyed-about-the-popularity-of

I made the connection to Dipshit Anon after replying. Juminzen week, as far as we know, was not in the works until after JuminV week had already started. Therefore, it’s unlikely that first message is connected to it and it was sent for a different reason.

Note:- Here is Dipshit directly admitting to sending the JuminV ask Part one, part two

In any case, since I didn’t want to start ship drama, I dismissed them?? I blocked them by IP around this point.

After I responded two more responses came, citing a disability when reading and claiming to ship JuminV over Juminzen tl;dr because it was not fetishisation. I deleted both of these messages and blocked by ip. I would not have deleted them if I had already made the later connection.

I posted to twitter at this point, joking that it was the first day of JuminV and already I’d blocked the entirety of the University of Dipshit by IP.

I posted again a short while later after checking statcounter and making the connection.

Dipshit anon’s name or URL was not mentioned. The fact that they actually studied at the university was assumed, though not confirmed nor referenced by myself the tweets were later deleted and this is to the best of my recollection

Things went quiet, but then the mod of JuminZen week started liking my tweets about Dipshit anon (which in turn made me suspicious, as we did not know one another and did not talk until May). Strange asks started arriving to other bloggers in regards to JuminZen. My statcounter traffic started to spike with visits from the university of Dipshit.

In this period I made jokes about “Dipshit anon”, based on the fact that I had blocked them by ip more than once and they persisted in viewing my blog, leaving me to redirect their individual ip addresses to rick rolls, crash safari and more. In private I also complained about them, because their actions were making me uncomfortable.

They posted this on the 14th, which later made me suspicious

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159572324383/if-someone-makes-a-jumin-x-zen-week-i-will-boycott

(screenshot here)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159700504123/wow-im-feeling-like-shit-i-want-to-die

This is what they posted on the 17th 

(screenshot here)

This is definitely about me, considering everything I’ve covered so far and this paragraph

were the same person who talked about listening to survivors expressing discomfort yet you shut me down just for not liking your fave. even when i phrased things nicely and came just to discuss things you immediately responded aggressively and accused me of trying to start drama. well im sorry that i saw you discussing similar topics and thought i could come and express my feelings to you but obviously you only care about specific instances of homophobia or problematic things that occur in the fandom if they have to do with bashing ur gross fave, jumin the ultimate misogynist han

The thing I didn’t understand was why it was framed as if friends were laughing, but

#dragzenweek

#dragzenweek was established as a joke (and regardless of opinions on the matter, it was not actually tagged with Zen’s name), but Alyx reported receiving genuinely hateful comments from fans of Zen and people who hated Jumin over it. One of them was Dipshit anon, which I pointed out at the time on twitter. Alyx posted a screenshot of a post from their notifs with Dipshit Anon’s URL blanked out and I was able to identify it. I personally feel from the manner the screenshot was edited, it would not be possible to identify the user without prior knowledge. (Please don’t take my word for this, however. Here is a screenshot)

I was in contact with other friends about Dipshit anon’s behaviour and the possibility they were connected to other current dramas (at that point, I was the only person to receive an anon in regards to JuminZen who knew where it came from) both in private and otherwise. I was concerned, but did not want to spread malicious, unwarranted gossip.

It’s important to reiterate that in any given public conversation about Dipshit Anon, they were only ever referenced as such and not as any individual tumblr user. Dipshit-originally- referred to the general location of their Ip and Anon referred to the fact they had sent an anonymous message.

I spoke to Alyx about this at the time expressing concerns that Dipshit anon thought I was perhaps connected, or at the very least somehow involved with dragzen week.

On the 19th/20th April, I made a private document, detailing everything I currently knew, with links, screenshots etc (the first draft of this document). I did not want to keep repeating the story and if I was actually going to suspect this person of behaving badly, I needed proof. This document could not be liked, reblogged etc and and was only circulated privately among friends who had been in conversation about Dipshit thus far. It was a presentation of the facts as I knew them and intended to inform, leaving everyone to come to their own judgement on the matter.

Remember that at this point, beyond sending asks to Alyx and their priors with me, we did not know for sure Dipshit was connected to other dramas and without statcounter data, there was no way to actually prove it.

On the 19th of April, Alyx posted this screenshot to twitter. 

At the time we joked about how this remark was actually unfair of both characters, as while it’s certainly true that Jumin can be quite mean to Zen, Zen is hardly kind to Jumin either. Neither the screenshot nor the subsequent thread were tagged JuminZen or Juzen. You would have had to have gone directly onto Alyx’s page to find it.

This coincides with the following twitter based traffic to my tumblr page.

Worth noting is that Alyx’s twitter is listed on their tumblr page, where they also received hateful messages about the week on the 20th of April,

 which once again coincides with twitter based traffic from Dipshit Anon. 

Considering Dipshit Anon complained on the 17th about me and my friends and then Alyx received a complaint about their hateful friends, I do not think it’s too much of a stretch to suggest a connection.

Also around the same point, off the back of sentiments from other people that someone was trying to perhaps stir bad feeling betweeen Juminzen and JuminV shippers, I commented that I knew of two potential problems in this regard, one of which was Dipshit anon who I knew for certain had sent me an ask that would have caused drama. I mentioned victim complex, by the way, as a comparison to the Juzen shippers sending asks badgering artists. I was rather suspicious that no matter how shady their behaviour, ultimately Dipshit anon would convince themselves they were doing the right thing and anyone who told them otherwise was being a bully or a homophobe, having seen such behaviour before- both from them and other fandom dramas.

Also worth noting is that my tweet was on my own personal twitter page, which is not listed anywhere and was written J*zen. It was not retweeted and no one commented on it. It would have been impossible to find without either going directly onto my page or searching Dipshit Anon.

Around the 20th, Vess confirms traffic from Dipshit anon coming through from Val’s blog. Vess continues to receive traffic from them over the next few days. This comes after a tweet expressing the belief that Dipshit anon is, in fact, more than one person. In response, I note that the messages I received (of which there were three) came from Dipshit anon, which I know for certain. I do not confirm or deny anyone else’s, however.

That same day, Gillian also questions if Dipshit Anon is making the rounds. However, I personally do not comment on that thread.

On the 21st of April, Dipshit anon posted hate directly to the Jumin Han tag because “they wanted Jumin stans to see it”

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159807410203/i-just-wanted-to-let-you-know-that-im-in-the-same

Screenshot is here

Note:- this gained a negative reaction on twitter as it broke established etiquette.

They later received an anon asking to stop sending messages.

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159834049063/look-im-not-here-to-convince-you-that-jumin-has

Screenshot is here

Note: I don’t know who sent this message. Up until this point, I had complained about them for stalking my blog, sending an ask that would have created a shit ton of drama and expressed my own concerns that they might have been doing the same to other people. None of us had mentioned sending asks about Jumin outside of that one post on the 19th, which related to askZen. This was not officially connected to Dipshit Anon at the time.

They later express righteous anger at the idea of “popular” Jumin and V stans blaming them for drama

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159834850458/apparently-someone-is-going-around-sending-angry

Screenshot is here

Note:- a quick search made it quite apparent that no ‘popular’ Jumin or V stans had referenced this blogger recently. However, this post comes shortly after dipshit anon was referenced as victim complex 101 on twitter (as dipshit anon). The connection was not made until later.

Dipshit anon claims to have been harassed, without mentioning names. 

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159836552898/leave-me-alone-i-honestly-dont-know-what-the

Could be true, considering the Jumin post, though is not tied to that and no asks are published. Feels victimized for content they post on their own blog. Also claims not to have sent anons and only have lurked in the Zen tag, which is, frankly, untrue.

Note the phrasing:  honestly how narcissistic do u have to be to think that one person who you had a disagreement with once is going around over 2 months later harassing every person who like jumin??? like???  <- this is about me

Link to Post - https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159836552898/leave-me-alone-i-honestly-dont-know-what-the

Screenshot

Note:- This message also comes off the back of me saying on twitter (not 100% seriously)  that I’m almost tempted to do a call out. Also note that this mostly came from the fact that they accused us of stalking and bullying on tumblr based on out of context comments from twitter.

Dipshit anon claims that people are spreading misinformation. 

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159838725443/honestly-i-dont-like-people-who-blame-things-on

At this point the only information being passed around is a private document containing links to legit sources that cannot be reblogged to avoid this exact thing. References being mocked, which … this blogger has not been referenced on tumblr. Has only been mocked for their efforts as Dipshit anon. Based on things they have actually done.

Screenshot is here

Dipshit anon refuses to give receipts on behaviour and references not wanting to start drama even though they spoke about boycotting an event only recently and tagged their hate that same day.

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159839414888/im-reading-ur-posts-abt-these-blogs-accusing-u-of

Screenshot is here

Dipshit anon tells another person that they have only made posts on their own blog irt Jumin, which is not true. They also say that their behaviour comes as a result of wanting their experiences as an abuse survivor to be considered. (Deleted! Screenshot available) Remember, they are not the only survivor here and they know this enough to try and use it in a vaguepost

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/156210280495/honestly-im-so-glad-youre-talking-about-how

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159700504123/wow-im-feeling-like-shit-i-want-to-die

Screenshot is here

this private post was only referenced on twitter. In replies to conversations, not all of which mentioned Dipshit anon. Usernames were not mentioned. It was not posted on tumblr. Enough said. It was at this point that everyone started to suspect they were actually watching people’s twitters.

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159839641293/whos-saying-its-you-whos-sending-the

Screenshot here

Demands information from the people supposedly sending them hate Deleted, I took a Screenshot

Posts this by way of a receipt (does not link actual users) Deleted, but I took a Screenshot

Note: You cannot just stumble across tweets !!! Also, the topic of conversation WAS Jumin. Dipshit got defensive after I refused to change the topic.

I would also speculate that this ask Alyx received on the 21st came from Dipshit anon, given these factors:

The timeline -  having asked Alyx and knowing that ask arrived somewhere between 5am and 3pm cst on the 21st of April, which places it on the busiest period of Dipshit anon’s posts that day. Between the Jumin hate and many other of their corresponding posts

the knowledge that Dipshit anon was watching our twitters

the data that proves they were watching both Vess’ blog and mine for certain

They arrived at Vess’ blog via referral from Val’s. With this in mind and the facts above, it’s not unlikely that during this period they actually lurked everyone’s blogs.

This ask arrived during a very difficult climate when Dipshit felt particularly angry and in their own words, was stressed and emotional.

Not only that, but they themselves were on the receipt of criticism for posting hate in tags on the 21st.

I did a search of their blog for mentions of Yoosung and Unknown and they have explicitly stated a dislike for the Yooran ship  (screenshot)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159453918143/mysticmessengerspambot-gah-im-tired-of

This is speculation, but considering the evidence, I believe it is fair.

On the 22nd April, Dipshit Anon sends a message to Alyx (part2)(part 3)

They send a message to Serena shortly afterwards

Here is how the conversation goes:

S:  “I’m a bit confused about what it is you want me to tell you, honestly. I never thought that we were engaged in drama nor were we fighting, considering I’ve never spoken to you before.”

DA:  “No, I didn’t think so either. But apparently you and some others had a post listing things I’ve done and I was really confused?? There was accusations of me sending people who liked Jumin mean asks which I didn’t do? I just wanted to clear everything up and figure out where that was coming from.”

S:  “I don’t recall anyone saying that people were sending Jumin fans mean asks. Can you be more specific?”

DA: “Um, wasn’t that the entire point of what was going on though? There were tweets saying that I was sending harassment to people who like Jumin?Someone sent me a message telling me to stop sending asks to people who like Jumin which I didn’t do? And it seemed like it was from one of you guys. I could be wrong, though.”

S:  “Well, I didn’t send that message, and to my knowledge none of my friends have sent you anything.”

DA: “That was the bulk of my frustration. I saw some tweets assuming that I was sending anon asks to random people about Jumin which I didn’t do, and I was overwhelmed and upset at being told I was doing something that I didn’t.”

DA:  “Okay. Then what was all the hype about saying that I was harassing Jumin fans? And that there was a private post that apparently had a bunch of evidence that I did a bunch of things? I honestly was super confused on what everyone thought I did and that’s why I was upset.”

S: “Do you want to link me to a specific tweet claiming that you’re harassing Jumin fans, because I still do not recall anyone saying that.”

S:  Honestly, it’s really not my responsibility to entertain you, but I’m a bit tired of this and I have exams to study for so I’m going to anyway. First of all, my friends and I aren’t a hive mind. I don’t know what it is they’re saying about you at all times, and just because they say something it doesn’t mean that I personally agree with it.

Second of all, I was referencing this ask that you sent to Louise when I referred to sending asks trying to start shit:http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/159426686395/ … I’m not interested in debating whether or not that was actually your intention; it doesn’t really matter to me because that’s the effect it would’ve had when it landed in Louise’s inbox had she chosen to reply to you seriously. And I know that you were the one who sent that ask, because of this post that you made subsequently, so don’t bother:https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/159700504123/wow-im-feeling-like-shit-i-want-to-die … For some reason, you chose to pretend that her response was some sort of personal vendetta against you for disliking Jumin, even though her response has nothing to do with Jumin’s character at all and simply stated that she doesn’t want to partake in an argument that’ll cause friction with JuminZen fans. And then you did a whole lot of misconstruing by saying that she’s belittling you for your justified anger or not taking your experience as a survivor seriously, which is a very serious and untrue accusation to be making of a person who is also a survivor. Hence, my annoyance with you.

Thirdly, I posted my incredulity at the fact we’re the same age, because of your assertion that adults in the fandom are bullying you despite being an adult yourself, and despite the fact you aren’t being bullied. Getting blocked isn’t being bullied, it’s being ignored by someone who has no requirement to engage with you anyway. Fourth, it annoys me that you said you haven’t sent any asks about Jumin since months ago, when you just sent that JuminZen ask like two weeks ago, because that’s lying. This entire time you’ve remained anonymous in our discussions. We’ve literally been calling you “Dipshit anon”, and your url hasn’t been publicly revealed anywhere. None of this information is available to anyone except in our group of friends, since the post containing these and other links is private, and we’ve only been sending it through private messages to people we are friends with. The fact you decided to listen in on a conversation about things you really did and claim that having that conversation is bullying is your problem, not ours. Have a good night.

Screenshot of Dipshit Anon loading my blog one hour before I am referenced in this conversation

Before Dipshit Anon’s response, I learn that Vergil received a strange JuminZen ask and receive clarification that, while he did receive traffic from Dipshit (the location), the one in his askbox was Italian. Around this point we discuss potentially eliminating Dipshit from this particular inquiry, but also to keep an eye on them in case of future problems. I too received traffic from Italy recently.

Dipshit begins deleting posts off their blog around this point. (The final two on the list)

Vess confirms traffic from Dipshit anon

Dipshit Anon’s response 1,

  2

, 3

, 4

, 5

, 6

, 7

, 8

, 9

, 10

, 11

, 12

, 13

, 14

, 15

, 16

Some notes:-

In regards to point 8, this person is blocked from my blog for reasons I have already explored and it is manipulative, to say the least, to complain about my reaction to them when they had no business being in my inbox in the first place.

The phrasing of point 8 actually is very manipulative in general “oh well, she doesn’t care”. My emotional labor is not for their profit, nor consumption.

Speaking of manipulative, consider the point about age. Dipshit anon repeatedly refers to themselves as a child when they are nineteen, repeatedly complains about adult bloggers and grownups being condescending and in points 8 and 9 complains about an inherently present power dynamic that I should be aware of when speaking to younger bloggers, all while sending asks on anon. I cannot feasibly guess the age of anonymous asks.

I don’t actually remember saying anything about Zen and Seven fans on my twitter or tumblr. I also cannot find anything on my twitter about this. So. Um. Receipt?  

I believe that point 11 is true to an extent. I believe they probably found DragZen on the 17th and, from there, found Alyx’s tumblr. I also believe that from there they found Alyx’s twitter, which would give us something of a timeline so far. It certainly brings us to their angry post on the 17th, in any case.

It’s true that I identified them as Dipshit anon, but only after concluding that their URL was blanked out satisfactorily and only because Dipshit anon was the name I had been using from the beginning to identify the person that sent me a questionable ask and continue to load my blog afterwards.

The next part in 15 is just. Where do I begin? Even Dipshit is not sure whose anons I identified as theirs. As a matter of fact, I only identified Alyx’s. When Vess got statcounter, we compared data in the interest of accuracy (as I later did with Vergil), but none of this happened on my public twitter.

When Dipshit refers to Gillian receiving asks, I believe they are talking about this, which I did not confirm

Point 15/16 makes me really uncomfortable, for reasons I will come to at the end.

Here is them viewing my blog around about this time

S:  Okay, re: everything else now.

1. All right, if you didn’t consider that ask as being about Jumin then I’m fine with setting aside the idea that you lied about it. It was personally frustrating to me because I really don’t care what asks you sent about Jumin months ago, I was annoyed by the response to Louise’s way of handling the JuminZen asks from a couple of weeks ago. It’s pretty clear by now that you probably didn’t even have that JuminZen ask in mind the entire time all of this was happening, but that’s what I was thinking of in terms of everything else I posted. I have my thoughts on how the situation could’ve been handled differently by both you and me, but at this point I don’t think it matters anymore and in the interest of resolving things let’s call it a misunderstanding and move on. I already said I don’t really want to debate whether or not that ask would actually have started drama so I’m not going to.

2. I wasn’t aware of the timing of your post was after the DragZenWeek incident and not after the ask you sent Louise, but upon re-reading it makes a lot more sense in that context and I’m sorry for making assumptions. To ease your worries, Louise wasn’t stalking your blog. She has an app called StatCounter that allows her to see where people are accessing her blog from—that’s how she put together who it was that had sent her other messages prior to the JuminZen ask, and that’s how she was able to block your IP address. By the way, she also knows you’ve been bypassing her IP block to visit her blog these last few days.

I can understand why you were stressed, honestly. I disagree with the way you do a lot of things, but I’ll readily admit that I personally made a lot of assumptions that I didn’t have a real basis for making, and I’m sorry. I stand by my statement that no one claimed you were going around and harassing Jumin fans with asks, though.

To explain my own point of view, most of what was annoying *me* was that you were conflating responses to you with disliking you for liking Jumin. I can’t speak for anyone else, obviously, but I personally could not care less if you hate Jumin. Speaking for myself here, I’ve said multiple times that although Jumin is my favourite character, I’m completely sympathetic with the reasons people would have for hating him, and I’ve also said that I would never engage in a debate over him with someone who says Jumin reminds them of past abuse because that isn’t my place to speak. Most if not all of my friends have said the same or similar, and honestly, I don’t want friends that don’t have that attitude and when I dislike someone I make it pretty damn easy to tell. But you were accusing Louise of that, which I think is especially insensitive because Louise is also a survivor, and now you’re saying that you meant for all of that to apply to Alyx too—not that you need to know this, but Alyx heavily criticizes Jumin’s route for the exact reasons that you probably would. Again, it’s a very serious thing to accuse people of being abuse apologists, especially when you don’t know the situation.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m sincerely sorry that you were hurt by my words yesterday, especially because some of the claims I was making were unfounded. Gossip is something I generally try to avoid, and I think this entire situation was a good reminder as to why I do that. I still don’t think this falls under the definition of bullying, but I do empathize with your perspective and I’m sorry for my involvement.

I’ll go back and delete any posts about this that were made by me. Here are my recommendations for you:

1. I don’t know if you have the extension XKit, but it allows you to blacklist certain words so that posts containing them don’t show up when you’re browsing tumblr, and it allows you to block posts that you dislike/don’t want to see. It’s a good tool to help you stay safe while navigating the site, and I think you should probably put Jumin’s name into it since you’ve mentioned that you find him severely upsetting.

2. Use the “anti” tags when you want to discuss character hate/critique, or don’t tag at all. It’s totally within your rights to critique a character, and using the anti tag means that anyone who chooses to interact with your post is consenting to do so knowing what they’ll be getting into. When you tag a post, you’re basically giving people permission to engage if they want to, so if you want to have a critical discussion about a character with like-minded people or people who disagree but are interested in having a discussion, that’s your way to do it. If you only want to discuss with like-minded individuals, you can throw on an “#I’m not interested in debating this” tag so people who disagree know to stay away. There’s a reason none of the DragZenWeek posts were tagged with Zen’s name and this is that reason.

3. This goes for both of us, but if you’re seeing something happening out of context, don’t assume that you know what the context is. You didn’t know what it was I was talking about when I discussed asks you sent, I didn’t know what you were talking about when you made that post (and I also assumed it was you sending the other asks, double bad on me). I don’t think I’ve anything more to say on this subject. If you do, feel free. Thank you for taking the time to contact me in spite of your social anxiety—I understand that that was hard to do and I appreciate it.

Dipshit Anon:

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate you clearing things up. I usually tag my posts with anti-Jumin, but at that time I was still emotional and defensive about things I previously mentioned, so I thought that tagging it would send a one time message to people that like Jumin to not harass survivors that feel uncomfortable with him about it. That’s all I wanted. It was a bad move on my part and I’ve gone and fixed it and I’m sorry.

I forgot to clarify these things - I didn’t think Alyx was being insensitive towards me being an abuse survivor - I made an error when constructing that sentence and it made it seem like I was including them in that statement. I just was upset because I was under the impression that they thought I was pathetic and attention seeking for my deleted post on DragZenWeek.

I can’t remember what exactly happened that made me say that thing about Louise being insensitive to abuse survivors and not liking me because I didn’t like Jumin, but that wasn’t about the JuminZen ask I sent or the previous one for February. It was something to do with her statement about me being attention seeking and seeing some responses to other people’s asks who criticized Jumin or something. I honestly can’t remember, and looking back at the post I don’t know why I said that, and I’m sorry.

I feel like a lot of this was due to misunderstandings by me and a little on the others sides and I reacted defensively and angrily to situations when I didn’t know the entire story. That just led to more statements and miscommunication on both sides and it spiraled out of control. Nevertheless, I apologize wholeheartedly and I appreciate you giving me a polite and courteous reply. I’ve been dealing with some tough stuff in real life for the past few months, including a traumatic brain injury, that’s clouded my judgement and made me more volatile and sensitive to criticism or what I misunderstand as negativity directed at me. I know that doesn’t excuse anything, but I just wanted to clarify that I’m not usually like this, and I usually keep to myself. I’m digressing, but I sincerely do apologize. I appreciate your clarification and will definitely do the the things you recommended. If you could, it would be very much appreciated if you could pass along my apology sentiments to everyone else that was involved. You don’t have to, and I’m not expecting them to forgive or unblock me or anything, I just want them to know that I am sorry and I’m usually a reasonable and nice person when not under extenuating circumstances.

Thank you again and I wish you the best.

Also - clarification about why I didn’t have Jumin’s name blacklisted - I’m on mobile Tumblr a lot, because it’s just easier for me to use because of a lot of convoluted reasons related to my learning disabilities and mental illnesses. But I do have them blacklisted on my computer, and when I’m on mobile if I see a particularly terrible hate post about Zen or a post that is praising Jumin but uses examples of Zen and why he comes up short in comparison, I’ll block that person. I usually don’t really care and avoid that stuff, but I have encountered several blogs in particular (none of which belong to you or any of your friends) that express extreme animosity towards people who say Jumin makes them uncomfortable or reminds them of past abuse. That’s kind of where that ask response was coming from. I just wanted people not to bug others who don’t like him. But it was done in the wrong way and I’m sorry. Also, I was only checking Louise’s blog because I was paranoid that she was going to post things about me and I wouldn’t be able to see them. I’m not going to do that anymore and I’m sorry.

And those blogs I mentioned that attack abuse survivors make numerous posts saying stuff like “if you say jumin made you uncomfortable I don’t like you” or “people who are triggered by jumin are the worst” and etc. Again, it wasn’t you or any of your friends, but some of those people who do that were really insensitive. I’m sorry for tagging the post though and getting y'all dragged into it.

Notes:-

There is a difference between EXPLAINING your actions where relevant and EXCUSING them. And excusing them is very much what’s happening here, given this phrasing:  I’m usually a reasonable and nice person when not under extenuating circumstances.

Disability or stress or emotion is not an extenuating circumstance for accusations of abuse apologism and stalking, nor is it an extenuating circumstance for repeatedly insisting on engaging in conversation with someone who has blocked you. It’s not an extenuating circumstance for flat out lying in some cases and manipulating the facts in others. It’s not an extenuating circumstance for listening on a conversation you aren’t included in and choosing to accuse the people having the conversation of bullying instead of asking for context.

Secondly, Dipshit’s comment here:  I forgot to clarify these things - I didn’t think Alyx was being insensitive towards me being an abuse survivor - I made an error when constructing that sentence and it made it seem like I was including them in that statement. I just was upset because I was under the impression that they thought I was pathetic and attention seeking for my deleted post on DragZenWeek.

Given the timeline we have so far, their post on the 17th, Alyx’s asks around that period and the traffic on my blog, I think it’s more accurate to suggest that they WERE including them and are backtracking.

Also in regards to this:  I can’t remember what exactly happened that made me say that thing about Louise being insensitive to abuse survivors and not liking me because I didn’t like Jumin, but that wasn’t about the JuminZen ask I sent or the previous one for February. It was something to do with her statement about me being attention seeking and seeing some responses to other people’s asks who criticized Jumin or something. I honestly can’t remember, and looking back at the post I don’t know why I said that, and I’m sorry.

Once again, given our timeline, the fact that if I called them attention seeking at all it wasn’t until after the 19th in replies to other people and Alyx and I chatted about Jumin on twitter on the 19th, I feel it’s fair to conclude that this could be a legitimate memory blank, but it’s more likely to be backtracking.

It’s also very clearly backtracking irt:  but that wasn’t about the JuminZen ask I sent or the previous one for February, when both are explicitly referenced in the post itself.

I usually don’t really care and avoid that stuff, but I have encountered several blogs in particular (none of which belong to you or any of your friends) that express extreme animosity towards people who say Jumin makes them uncomfortable or reminds them of past abuse.

This is the second (?) time they’ve angrily drawn other people into a conversation about unrelated topics and they have made posts about boycotting events, they tagged their hate only recently etc. I think it is fair to conclude from all evidence so far that they do care and they don’t avoid that stuff.

I’m on mobile Tumblr a lot, because it’s just easier for me to use because of a lot of convoluted reasons related to my learning disabilities and mental illnesses

I went back to count and Dipshit anon mentions their illnesses, injuries and more on seven separate occasions and always in the context of gaining pity, thereby shifting the power dynamics of the conversation.

Dipshit Anon remains blocked as of April 2017

As of 22nd of April 2017, they continue to load pages of my blog, despite their own statement that they would not:

Also, I was only checking Louise’s blog because I was paranoid that she was going to post things about me and I wouldn’t be able to see them. I’m not going to do that anymore and I’m sorry.

Also worth noting is that this traffic came through a t.co reference, which is the shortened url format from twitter.

In response to this, I made my tweets private again and removed the link to my blog from my twitter bio.

As of May 8th 2017,  they continue to load pages of my blog.

I believe this occurred because of a reblog of this post.

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/160437244740/your-recent-reblog-made-me-realise-how-mistreated

As of the 10th of May, I receive traffic on a singular VxMC-centric fic from Dipshit (the location). This traffic recurs over several days right up until the 14th.

I do not usually receive traffic from Dipshit the location with this amount of frequency. I also knew that Dipshit the person had been browsing my blog. This put them on my radar.

On May 15th 2017, I learned of this ask on Void’s blog 

http://vo-dcc.tumblr.com/post/160686201606/i-saw-you-were-one-of-the-artists-for-the-zen

(screenshot).

At the time, I had my suspicions that Dipshit might be involved and a brief check on their posts that day reveals that Dipshit did intend to submit to the fanzine.

 (Link)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/160685696123/zen-fanzine-project

At approximately 9am that morning, I receive traffic from them on statcounter.

The interesting thing about this is that at first I was not entirely sure why this traffic happened. I do not reference anything about this incident on my blog until approximately midday, when I reblog Void’s answer to a second ask. 

http://vo-dcc.tumblr.com/post/160688531186/the-creator-of-the-zen-fanzine-did-clarify-that

(Screenshot) (Here is the time stamp of when I actually reblogged it)

From 8.30am onwards, Void and I were talking privately about the situation, at which point (a little before this conversation) 

Void referenced typing out a long post, which likely became the one they later posted. (Having chatted to Void, they later confirmed that it was in fact, already posted by the time of that screen.) This creates something of a potential timeline of Dipshit seeing the post shortly after it was posted and following through to my blog shortly afterwards. (Note: I believe I was not the only one to receive this treatment, but I’ll get to that later)

In any case. I asked Void to check if they were blocked by Dipshit and it later transpired that they were. 

I encouraged Void to get Statcounter, we compared notes and here is a full compilation of all traffic 

  from  

Dipshit received within the first day of installation. (Pls note that the date is different because of time zones. I live in Britain and for me these times are in the evening of the 15th. US people would be even further back in the day)

Here is a screen of Dipshit later admitting to sending both asks covered so far to Void

Note that I said I was not the only person whose blog potentially received attention from Dipshit as a result of Void’s posts. I believe that Dipshit actually went through the blogs of several people who either commented or expressed support for Void over the course of those few hours spanning from when they first received an ask to the 9am response.

This would not only fall in line with current evidence at hand, but also their actions in April.

Exhibit a

, exhibit b

, and exhibit c

(link)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/160688548033/lmao-i-just-found-out-that-this-gross-person-who

 (I’m coming back to this one later)

Also take note of this reblog by user setthestarsxonfire.

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160686536882/i-saw-you-were-one-of-the-artists-for-the-zen

 (Screenshot)

They made a post a short time afterwards, further going into their feelings on the matter

 (link)

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160687270552/please-guys-dont-go-hating-on-another-person

Afterwards, they received three asks (ask a,

  ask b

and c

) (link to a,

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160689487552/juzen-is-an-abusive-ship-its-unhealthy-and

  link to b

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160690376012/oh-my-gooooodddd-did-you-just-say-that-zen-needs

, link to c

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160691061357/i-only-replied-to-part-of-your-response-because)

When reviewing statcounter data, it’s clear that Dipshit reviews the #notes of posts and flits from one blog to another.

While this was happening, I was in conversation with user mariamagica, having seen them comment on Void’s post that they knew who was sending the anons. Considering that this was the same person who had liked my tweet about Dipshit Anon way back in April, I was curious to know what they knew and if we had any shared experiences.

It transpired that Dipshit was so well known to them and had caused them so much bother that they were able to reference them by name within a matter of seconds. They sent me this screenshot sent to the askbox of the Juminzen week blog.

Mariamagica had them blocked, but I encouraged them to get statcounter and here is their Dipshit traffic from the 15th.

A short time after this, Vess and Jun confirm that Dipshit followed them that same day.

Dipshit continues to lurk my blog.

Having gone over the events of the day, I made a post at 18:46 my time. This is a soft warning and a pre-emptive call out. Up until this point I had not said anything about Dipshit anon publicly on my tumblr, but I was running increasingly low on patience. I blocked them in February and kept the details to myself at the time, but they continued. In April, we resolved it peacefully but they continued. At this point they were on strike three.

In my post, I listed three examples of asks from Dipshit. 

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/160701054230/attn-mysme-fandom

These were all examples I could confidently attribute to Dipshit and as it gained so many reblogs, I gained 

  a

    lot of traffic  

  from Dipshit 

in that period.

This traffic extends to my personal blog

I received an ask 

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/160703102265/hi-im-not-looking-to-start-drama-and-am-here-on

(screenshot, including timestamp of receipt)

-Dipshit on my blog in that exact same time frame? Check

-Not my ask but trying to pull the high ground with me about it anyway? Check

-“Please consider the abuse victims!!1″ To a survivor? Check.

-Sending a really questionable anon in general? Check.

After my response saying that if I received any more messages I would reply with their URL, Serena got a message from Dipshit, complaining that I should apologise to their friend 

for blaming them for things Dipshit had done.

This earns the biggest of sighs and rolliest of eyes from me and there are hundreds of things I could say about it, such as the sheer unlikeliness of a random mysme blogger I have never heard of before (and incidentally never blocked) showing up to send me an ask with the precise same objections as Dipshit while Dipshit is on my blog, all while having no involvement with what Dipshit is doing. Even Dipshit acknowledged they were friends and went so far as to link their Zen centric blog.

They later post the following screens to their blog, which confirm that they sent these 

asks to Stars and encouraged another person to send more: 1

,2

,3

,4

Also. This is what a receipt for blocking looks like.

However, if a chat is what’s going these days, here’s a chat

between the mods of JuminZen week 

discussing whether or not to block 

Dipshit, drafting a response and discovering they were already blocked, 

as forwarded to me by mariamagica <3

I’m especially interested by the use of the word “demonise”. Demonise only makes sense in terms of me addressing Dipshit and publishing their URL, neither of which have anything to do with their friend…who up until that message was anonymous in this conversation.

User setthestarxonfire also receives two

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160705202992/hi-there-i-just-wanted-to-check-aside-from-any

https://setthestarsxnfire.tumblr.com/post/160706326042/thanks-for-your-kind-response-and-for-being-so

asks about this in much the same vein with identical phrasing. (screenshot one) (screenshot two)

You may recall I referenced user capitolscum. That is the personal of mmscum, who I was also in touch with at this time. Through the reblogs of my Attn:-Mysme fandom post, I became aware that they too had received strange anons.

As it happened, Scum had received three anonymous asks. One

, Two

and Three

(Links: One, Two and Three)

https://mmscum.tumblr.com/post/160542799049/you-should-read-jealous-wolf-by

https://mmscum.tumblr.com/post/160544142294/i-meant-what-isnt-his-its-a-little-odd-to-say

https://mmscum.tumblr.com/post/160556930029/anonhave-you-read-either-of-those-fics-if-you

This prompted the following essay:- 1,

2,

3,

4,

5,

6,

7,

8,

9,

10,

11,

12

Which corresponded with this review on AO3 (Please zoom)

This coincides with this ask 

and this response from Scum (part one and two)

It also prompted this chat (part one)(part two)

I’m including this chat for the sole reason that this is how Dipshit described it post call out

It’s unclear what exact fic Dipshit is referring to, though Scum believes the comment they’re referring to is this one, on a fic exploring Zen’s recovery as a survivor of a traumatic incident prior to the first chapter.

There’s also this post 

https://mmscum.tumblr.com/post/160144676634/i-love-my-followers-but-this-is-the-first-time

addressing negativity in fandom (screenshot here),

 to which Dipshit anon responded twice (one, two) 

(links)

http://mmscum.tumblr.com/tagged/vallanoble

I’m including this for the sheer ridiculousness of the fact that it happened two weeks ago and shows them discouraging their own behaviour.

Scum, post callout, received this review on the same fic

Considering both the linguistical patterns and the complaints both matched Dipshit, we did a bit of investigating and if this is a coincidence it’s a very unfortunate one.  

And now we arrive at the 16th of May.

Void gets notifications from Dipshit

and their reaction 

speaks for itself.

Remember this?

Void is 17. Younger than Dipshit and a minor.

I have 

multiple visits 

from 

Dipshit that day (Is it worth me even saying it at this point? Whatever)

Here is Mariamagica’s traffic for that day (All of the ones from the university are Dipshit)

17th of May, today!

Dipshit 

is active 

on my blog and Void’s 

(The one blacked out the most.)

Scum passes on their statcounter data to me and Dipshit is not only a visitor 

but recently went through the notes of this post

http://mmscum.tumblr.com/post/160736788924/mmscum-mmscum-i-love-my-followers-but-this-is

which somewhat ironically was partially inspired by their actions.

Considering this fact and the fact that they visit my blog in the wake of this reblog

http://fromthedeskofelizabeththird.tumblr.com/post/160765050395/fandom-commandments

(statcounter)

their subsequent blog post becomes slightly more interesting.

(Screenshot one)

 (Screenshot two)

 (link to post)

https://vallanoble.tumblr.com/post/160777864913/if-your-let-people-ship-what-they-want-uwu

It’s past midnight now and I’m about to go to bed. I have only one thing to say on this matter, however.

The adage that the internet is not your safe space is not a suggestion that it should not be safe. It means that the internet is not the safe place of any individual person. It belongs to all of us and there is going to be opinions, ships, characters etc you do not like personally. But it is NO ONE’s job to keep you safe but your own. It’s nobody else’s responsibility to write characters as you see them. It’s no one else’s job to keep the content you don’t like off your radar or create the content that you do. There’s no justification for treating real people badly over fictional things.

A few other notes post call out:-

Dipshit remains blocked. Here is a screenshot of a message they sent to me the day after I posted the call out (part one)

(part two)

from a new blog designed to collect receipts (this is not hyperbole: screen shot one

and two

). This blog has since been deleted.  

I am not a shipper of Juzen and so bad behaviour within the community is not something I would know of immediately or in much depth, however:

Dipshit considers an anti Juzen week to educate the homophobic women who ship it.

This is an interesting one, as it coincides with the appearance of the blog juzenisgross, which specifically posted excerpts from Why does he do that (a book about abusive relationships and domestic violence) in the juzen tags on the first day of juzen week.

This is a loose thread on its own. However. This is the time stamp of the first post on the blog.

This is Dipshit on my blog.

Once again, possibly coincidence, but incredibly unfortunate if so.

Here is Dipshit continuing to send lengthy messages to content creators 1,

2,

3,

4,

5,

6,

7 

along with her refusal to blacklist tags

[princeadams]

The Ultimate BATB tag

Rules:

- Always include the rules.

- Answer the questions as truthfully as you can.

- Tag at least 3 people at the end of the tag.

- You don’t have to be tagged to paticipate, you can do the tag even without       being tagged.

- Tag the post “#BATB Tag” so we can keep up with the tags.

- That’s literally all there is to it! Have fun!

You can use this as reference:

https://gastt.tumblr.com/post/160009844702/the-ultimate-batb-tag

When did you start your blog, and why? I started right before I saw the movie because I knew I’d be obsessed and wanted an area away from my  main multi-fandom blog where I could freely fangirl and shitpost and whatnot. Also, my “likes” on Tumblr were filled with four years worth of BATB meta, fan art and fanfics, and I wanted to clean my likes out so they would actually be a specific place for bookmarking. I had 14,00 likes before I made the blog, and now that I’ve almost completely cleaned it out I have about 900. Still not great, but it’s getting there.

Where did you get the idea for your url? Obviously the growl at the end. I decided I wanted daysinthesuns for my main blog, and I'd had danstevensgrowl saved for a little while. For daysinthesuns, I saved it when the titles for the new songs were announced, I think that was in late summer.

Where did you get the idea for your icon? I didn’t make my icon, I just got it from an icons post by someone on Tumblr. I like the color pink and I love 1991 Belle, so I went with it. 

What was your first choice of url? dayinsthesuns was the first one I had for this blog, then I switched to danstevensgrowl. If you mean what my ultimate choice would be, I’d really like to have daysinthesun or princeadam. On my main blog, my first URL was weareteenageheartsforeveryoung and it stayed like that for 3 years or so.

What was your first icon, or the oldest you can remember? And if you can, post it. This is the one I’ve always had, but on my main blog I had a picture of Miley Cyrus from the movie LOL once, a picture of Elvis once, and my freshman year of high school I had my favorite fan art of Adam hugging Belle from behind with his chin on her shoulder while she’s reading. 

Would you die for the person on your icon? I mean, I consider myself to be Belle, so that’s a bit weird. But if my icon was Adam, yes, in a heartbeat.

Which url of your mutuals are you most jealous of? Hmm. I don’t know, I honestly like my URL. However, if we’re talking about @gastt‘s mutuals…you know who.

Which icon of your mutuals are you most jealous of? I love @ohstaythisway‘s icon, I would use it if she wasn’t already.

Do you have any sideblogs? And if you do, what are they about? And if you don’t, what would your sideblog be about? I have a ton that I made while cleaning out my likes to get meta and fanfic out of there, I have an Anakin Skywalker one and a Pride and Prejudice one. I also run the Tally Hoes Archive, and I have a professional blog to showcase my articles and other things I’ve written.

Are you satisfied with your blog currently? If not, what would you change? I guess, I mean, it’s a trash blog so I don’t aim for the content to be high quality. 

If you weren’t in the BATB fandom, what would you post about? Star Wars, Doctor Who, basically everything I post about on my main blog.

What fandom(s) did you belong to before BATB? BATB was actually my first fandom, but after that, Divergent, Once Upon a Time, Doctor Who and finally Star Wars. 

Which blogs do you regularly check up on? @je-suis-em-jee and @theteaisaddictive because they’re my favorite fic writers.

What would you say is your most common tag? “Prince Adam” because I reblog gifs of him a lot.

How many people are you following, and how many people follow you? I think I follow around 300, my main blog has 1,700 followers and this blog has a little over 200.

Who are your current top three fans on Tumblr (for this month)? For this blog, it’s @trippsykes, @lee-lee-ed and @snipandsnail. Thank you guys :)

What is your top post (for this month)? It actually won’t show for some weird reason, but I’m guessing it’s my Ultimate Fic Rec post. 

Which post are you most proud of? Probably my meta about the enchanted object’s part in The Mob Song.

Which post are you most embarassed by? The Meme Queen Adam fic and every time I’ve self-promoted (which is a lot of times.)

Weirdest message someone ever sent you? When I posted my selfie for the Introduce Your Self(ie) challenge, I immediately got a DM from some girl with a weird URL saying I was hot. I assumed it was a porn blog so I marked it as spam and blocked them, but then I looked at their blog and it was kind of normal? So I hope that wasn’t one of you guys lol. 

Weirdest message you ever sent someone? God I don’t even want to know

Have you ever received anon hate? And if so, for what? When I was 13 I got a ton but I honestly deserved it. I had this ongoing joke where I acted like I was really self-absorbed and snobby ironically, because I actually hated myself and had been struggling with an eating disorder. But either way, I took it too far and I was really obnoxious and people called me out on it, some less gracefully than others.

Do you have any blogs blocked, and if so, which? I’m sure I have a lot blocked for spam and stuff. 

Have you ever thought about quitting Tumblr? If so, why? Not really, because I’m kind of terrified of ever deleting anything. I hate the idea of erasing any part of my life, even if it’s a part I’m embarrassed by or don’t want to think about.

What device do you use Tumblr the most? (e.g. Laptop, Tablet, Phone, etc.) Probably my iPhone, since I’m always in class and stuff.

What was the last thing you searched on Google? Meme Queen Adam bc I was too lazy to go on my profile on Archive of our Own and click on my fic, I just wanted to get the link the quick way lol.

What time is it currently as you make this post? 11:45, I really should go to sleep after this.

What are you wearing currently? Star Wars pajama pants and a black camisole. 

If you had to legally change your name (in real life) permanently, what would it be and why? Belle, because I’m a dork.

What kind of characters and/or pairings do you tend to turn to? Is there a recurring theme to it? I feel like in terms of male characters I always love the brooding, angsty, damaged guys with tragic backstories, like Prince Adam or Anakin Skywalker. For female characters, I always like strong, witty, outspoken women, like Belle and Elizabeth Bennet.

Tell us a favorite of yours and why? (Literally any favorite, something that touches you and you’re passionate about.) I guess Beauty and the Beast in general, honestly. There’s so much to love about it, but it really changed my life when I fell in love with it all over again the summer before my freshman year of high school. I was doing a Disney movie marathon alone, because I really didn’t have any friends at the time, and I actually skipped Beauty and the Beast because I figured I remembered it well enough from my childhood that I didn’t need to waste time re-watching it. However, I still had some time to kill before school started, so I watched it again, and not only was I struck by the Beast’s character and how deeply and unconditionally he loved Belle, the message of Beauty and the Beast really got to me. After I recovered from my eating disorder and dealt with (deserved) backlash on Tumblr for my crappy sense of humor and coping skills, I’d become really tough and rigid and pessimistic as a default. Suffering from such an awful illness really kind of stripped me of the usual kindness and warmth I held. Belle kind of helped me get it back, helped me find myself again, and the movie in general helped me to believe that maybe it was okay that I was fat or my voice is weird or that I’m short because I’m eloquent and I’m kind and true beauty is found within. Maybe my words and my heart is enough. I still struggle with believing that today, but I would’ve given up on believing it and given up on myself a long time ago if it wasn’t for Beauty and the Beast. When I started at a new high school after becoming obsessed with Beauty and the Beast, I was both a new person and my old self at once, and the optimism and kindness and open-mindedness I’d regained helped me to finally let people in a bit, and I made a ton of friends. My love for the musical also inspired me to join theatre, which I never would’ve given a thought if I hadn’t loved the musical.

Tag 3 or more blogs to do this tag, and also add what you associate them with and tell them what you truly think about them.  I can’t tag @gastt because they already did it and literally made the tag, but gatt, you are such a loyal and supportive person. I don’t even know your name or your face or anything like that, but I don’t have to to know that you an amazing person and all us Tally Hoes are so lucky to know you.  I tag @mmedegarderobe, my sin sister and fellow Mass Communications major, my other fellow mass communications major @thestanfoubrew, the mother of the Heelys meme @uncledisney, and my two favorite fic writers - one I’ve loved since I first fell in love with BATB, the other more recently, @theteaisaddictive and @je-suis-em-jee. You both are so talented and wonderful and portray the characters that are so close to my heart perfectly. 

[desmonandmirah-blog]

Writing challenge: Day 2 \(^-^)/

Alright before I begin. I will just say right now that I might be posting more of this later on after the writing challenge is complete, because I will be honest it was really fun to write the first Chapter. So I thought it might be a good idea to continue to write it before I get hunted down and killed for not writing more.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy, please leave a comment below and tell me what you think. :)

Today’s challenge: Write a Fan fiction!!

Today’s fan fiction is actually a mix of present day and street fighting, please don’t hate too much, this is my first time that I have EVER written Fan fiction.....Anyway I hope you enjoy it.

...............................................................................................................

Waking to the sound of the alarm, Celaena curses under her breath at the clock that sits on her night stand. After a long moment of just lying on her back staring at the roof of her room, she sighs dramatically and tries to untangle the bed sheets from around her aching legs. Of all days it had to be why did it have to be Monday? I really shouldn’t have tried to...... Before the thought could be finished, “See you again” By Wiz Khalife is floating through the air from where she remember dumping her phone late last night. Groaning loudly, she walks over to the foot of the bed where she also dumped her bag from last night. When she reaches down to retrieve her phone she looks at the caller ID and has to fight the urge to roll her eyes. She unlocks her phone and answers with a satisfaction.

“What Cortland, don’t you like the fact that you will always be second place compared to me?” Celaena leans against her bed and starts to pick at her nails, the phone wedged in between her shoulder and her ear.

A growl on the opposite end of the phone makes her grin grow even wider.

“Well, not everyone has the same amount of experience as you Sardothien,” Sam says through the phone. “Besides, I don’t think you liked my little surprise,”

Scoffing, Celaena switches her phone from her left ear to her right as she walks over to her mirror. Her golden hair is cascading down her back, her blue eyes piercing with the core of gold around her pupil. On her golden skin a dark bruise is starting to form, a result of letting down her guard when she was in the middle of a fight with Sam.

“Cortland, you better run fast today,” She hisses into the phone. “Because I’m going to gut you.”

For a moment there is silence before Sam starts to laugh.

“And here I thought that we were getting along,” Sam says, Celaena can hear the smirk in his voice.

“What do you want Sam?” Celaena growls into the phone.

She can hear him laughing to himself, as if he had the upper hand when it came to fighting.

“Who said I wanted anything?” He asks causally.

Too Causally. Celaena smirks to herself.

“Cut the crap, you need me for something,” She says once again picking at her nails. “And if you don’t tell me now I might as well hang up now because I have more important thing to do,”

Silence echos through the air around her and in the phone. She waits, listening for any sign of life. She is about to hang up when Sam finally breaks the silence.

“You really know how to treat your friends don’t you Sardothien.” He grumbles. “You shouldn’t of threatened Lysander, Arobynn wouldn’t appreciate it if finds out and you know what he’s like.”

Celaena freeze, remembering all too well what her mentor is like. A familiar burning in her right hand makes her frown slightly, but only slightly.

“I never recall you being but anything but hostile towards me Cortland.” She scoffs into the phone. “Besides what Arobynn doesn’t know won’t kill him, and anyways Lysander needed to be taught a lesson about respecting people who could easily kill them if they felt like it,”

Celaena can’t contain the feral smile from tugging on her lips as she waits for Sam's response. After a second she walks over to the side of her bed and sits down heavily, leaning back with her free hand looking through her window to the outside world.

“No,” Sam mumbles in her ear. “But he will find out, it’s only a matter of time, then what? What are you going to do? Fight him? Celaena, he’s the King of Street fighters, you can’t expect to win against him.”

For a moment, she just smirks to herself.

“Well, well, if I didn’t know any better, it almost sounds like you care what happens to me,” She purrs softly.

She can see him rolling his eyes in her mind, her smirk widens and she laughs to herself.

“But we both know that’s not true, now hurry up and tell me what you want so I can get ready for school.” She says getting to her feet and walking to her closet, she opens one of the doors and tries to find the pair of ripped skinny jeans she brought last week.

“I need a favour,” Sam sneers.

Celaena clicks her tongue and shakes her head warily.

“Tut, tut. Ask again nicely and I’ll consider helping you,” She coo’s softly.

There is a grunt in her ear and some shuffling of what sounds like paper. For a moment she swears she can hear the ticking of the cogs turning in his head as he thinks.

“There was trouble last night in the Pits after you left,” He huffs, “And could your royal highness please help me?”

She laughs loudly making Sam curse. After a few moments she regains her breath and is standing up straight, she runs a hand through her hair. She had left the pits last night victorious and with a wallet full of money. Most of Arobynn’s newest patrons were mistaken to put their money on Sam, she smiles at the memory of him landing on his ass in the ring. Only to remember looking up to see that some of the crowd were shocked and the some were scared, Celaena though that someone must have shat themselves. Well they shouldn’t have judged this book by it’s cover.The thought makes her smile slightly. Last night she had taken the money she had won and swaggered towards the exit, people had hurried to move out of her way looks of fear on their faces as she had passed them.    

“Well if you put it that way then there is no way I can refuse. I’m interested, what happened at the Pits? Now tell me what happened exactly.” She says slowly.

“Well if you must know, Arobynn’s new clients didn’t like the fact that they lost their money,” Sam explains. “They all told Arobrynn they wanted their money back-”

“Knowing him, he already spent all the money on the whore,” She interrupts seething.

A boiling in her boil makes her realise that she is trembling. Damn him, all he does is spend the money I worked hard for. Celaena girts her teeth and forces herself to calm down a little, her heart beat is still racing inside of her chest when Sam continues.

“Arobrynn has upped both of our owed amounts, he said that we have to have most of the money by Friday next week or we will both be hunted down and be brought in front of Arobynn and punished.” Sam chokes on the words as they tumble out of his mouth and into Celaena’s ears.

She is now frozen, her blood is ice cold in her veins, her heart stopped dead for a few moments before pumping once more. Celaena’s eyes sting as she runs her free hand over her face, she is shaking once more. After a few moments of silence she tries to pull herself together, she hasn’t made a sound until now, a small grunt escapes her as a tear runs down her face.

“Celaena? Are you okay?” Sam asks ,sounding worried, to her surprise.

Celaena whips the tear off her cheek as if it burned her.

“I’m fine,” She scoffs. “It’s you who should be concerned about how you are going to get the money.”

Sam sighs. She can almost imagine him running a hand through his hair in defeat.

“That’s why I called.”

..............................................................................................................

So what did you think? Did you enjoy it? Should I continue on with it?

Please remember that this is my first time writing Fan fiction, though I will say that it wasn’t hard to get into Celaena Sardothien’s mind, but figuring how to end it was the hardest part of this.

Please let me know what you think of it, don’t hesitate to reblog and like it.

:)

[sasslightertm-a]

RULES

I. Mun and muse are separate entities. Please treat them as such.

II. Feel free to ask questions directed at my muse. Also, feel free to tag me in a starter or rp. I’m up for three-ways and/or group rps so long as the other partner(s) already agree(s).

 If it takes me over a week, drop a notice in my inbox. However, don’t flood my inbox just because we’re both online. Sometimes I only have muse for certain threads or I just might not feel up to RPing at the moment.

If it takes a while for me to respond, it will because of these reasons: (1) I do not have Internet access; (2) the thread is in my drafts and I am stuck on how to respond; (3) I missed the inbox ask or reply/Tumblr ate it; (4) I have a life away from Tumblr; or (5) I may need to take a break from role-playing so I can recharge and my muse can come with with ideas. It will not be because I am ignoring you or I don’t like you or your muse.

III. If you ask to RP, you write the starter.

IV. DO NOT REBLOG MY ROLEPLAYS IF YOU ARE NOT INVOLVED. Message me or go on Anon if you have a comment about a thread.

V. Personals, do not reblog my OOC posts (unless tagged 'Charmed' or 'Chris Halliwell'), headcanons, drabbles, and roleplays. Doing so once will result in a warning. If it happens again, you will be blocked.

Regarding NSFW content:

NSFW material (gore, violence, blood, etc.) may happen on this blog. However, please let me know if you want to smut with Chris before we add it in a thread. I tag NSFW and trigger warnings as such. I do use Read Mores for smut on this blog. I'm also perfectly fine with doing a fade-to-black.

I don’t have any triggers; however, threads with suicidal themes, self-harm, and sexual assault on my muse make me extremely uncomfortable. Please discuss it OOC first.

I will not RP smut with minors. (This should be pretty self-explanatory.) If you are a minor and want to RP smut with me, I will do a fade-to-black.

I am of age to RP smut, as is my muse; however, I play Chris as being grey-asexual. He does have a very low sex drive, but it's very rare that he wants to act on it. (That being said, he is fine with both men and women.)

God-modding

Basically, don't do it. If you want specifics, this includes:

Metagaming (using OOC information in an IC thread).

Killing off my muse

Forcing history on my muse

Forcing a ship

Speaking for my muse

Describing my muse’s thoughts or emotions

Doing an action for him

Forcing a situation upon him without giving me, the mun, a chance to respond.

Doing ANYTHING for my muse

Having your muse know mine when they’ve never interacted.

In short, you write your muse and let me write mine.

GUIDELINES

I. This blog is multi-verse, multi-ship, and selective.

II. I track the tag #twicebornwitchlighter.

III. Mun's FC is Sally McKnight (aka Thorn) from the Hex Girls as she appears in Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost.

IV. On my writing style: I use sentences, paragraphs, one-liners, and gifs/icons/icon gifs. If you don’t use icons, gifs, or one-liners, that’s fine. I’m okay with just writing sentences/paragraphs. Basically, I tend to use everything and my style can be rather fluid as a result.

V. My portrayal of Chris is taken mainly from the TV series and is very heavily headcanon-based. I do not read the comics, but I do consider the tie-in novels to be canon to the TV series.

Interacting

I. If you come to me with an rp idea, I request that you write the starter. Please don’t ask me to write it. In addition, do NOT come into my inbox with "Hey, wanna rp?" or "Can we rp?" and not have an idea for what you want to roleplay.

II. I prefer to use the IM messaging system solely for OOC chatting and plotting. I won’t role-play or respond IC over the messaging system.

III. I will not tolerate hate directed at me or my partners. Anon hate will be deleted or responded to IC (if it is directed at my muse), and I am not responsible for my muse’s actions.

IV. I do not smut out of the gate, with a couple exceptions: (1) It has been plotted out with the other mun; (2)  it has reached that point in a thread where both muns feel it is appropriate.  

V. I do not roleplay with muses that have no bios or rules pages. I also do not roleplay with cartoon/anime muses (unless they have a faceclaim), self-inserts, YouTuber faceclaims, and Mary-Sues.

OCs / Crossovers / AUs

I. I am willing to crossover with the following fandoms: 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 

Teen Wolf 

Shadowhunters/The Mortal Instruments  

Witches of East End 

The Vampire Diaries  

The Secret Circle 

Wizards of Waverly Place  

Ghost Whisperer

If I am not familiar with your fandom, I will not write with you.

II. On OCs: I am extremely wary and selective when it comes to playing with OCs. I won’t always say no, but I won’t always say yes either.

For OCs (and all potential partners), I check out the bio page, rules/guidelines, and read some posts to see if our writing styles will click and if your muse will be a good foil for mine. I’ve had a few bad experiences in the past with OCs, so please respect this. (This also goes for Phoebe and Cole's unborn son.)

I will not roleplay with OCs if

there is no about page

they are a next gen sibling to Chris (my Chris has zero right to regard your muse as his brother/sister/half-sibling/step-sibling)

their sole existence is to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with Chris (or it is part of your OC's backstory that they are in an established relationship with him when we have never interacted). I am not writing Chris solely so your muse can get laid by a pretty witch.

III. All that being said, I do love OCs and AU muses. Hit me up.

Shipping

I. I ship Chris with chemistry. That’s it. However, I do headcanon him as a demiromantic grey-asexual—he has a very low sex drive and will have sex if it is what his partner wants, but he rarely feels sexual attraction. It will also take a long time for him to fall in love with your muse.

II. Don’t assume relationships. Do not assume my muse is best friends with yours, knows who your muse is, that your muse is an acquaintance of or related to Chris, or that they are in a romantic/sexual relationship. The only time this is okay is if your muse is one of the Halliwells or a character Chris has met in-canon. (Even then, I am extremely selective when it comes to Halliwell muses.)

III. Related to the above, do NOT force a ship. If your muse makes sexual advances towards Chris and he shuts them down, do not have your muse continue to pursue him. It is okay if your muse falls in love with him, but he is under no obligation to return your muse’s affections. Also, PLEASE talk it out with me first if you want to ship your character with Chris—and keep in mind that I have every right to say “No” to a particular ship.

IV. I do not write incest or mpreg.

V. Again, I am not here solely to write smut. If that's all your muse wants Chris for, then it would be best if you found someone else.

VI.  All ships are independent of each other, so Chris is not cheating on anyone. That being said, the set ships I have for Chris are the following:

Chris/Bianca

Chris/Morgan

Chris/Mon-El

Chris/Jace

DISCLAIMER

I am not associated with The WB, Charmed, or Drew Fuller in any way, shape, or form. Nor do I own the character of Chris Halliwell. This is just a roleplay/ask blog for fun.

Most icons are from hunts done by charmedindiehelp (found here). I also make my own icons. Gifs and all the background images seen on this blog are my own. That being said, it's best not to take anything you see on this blog.

My version of Chris is TV and heavily-headcanon based. I do not take the comics as canon, nor will I accept the upcoming reboot as canon (if anything, it will be in an alternate universe from this blog). My anti-reboot tag can be found here.

MUN

Call me Jess. Timezone is MST, USA. I'm a 20+-year-old undergraduate student, so I will not be on Tumblr all the time. This is also not my only RP blog.

English is my first language. I know a little bit of Spanish and am an intermediate German speaker/writer (I've been learning German for 4+ years). Sometimes I may lapse into Standard German (code-switching is a problem for me, since I'm at the point where the languages are clashing in my head). If I do, forgive me and I'll provide a translation.

Mutuals can contact me on Skype.