#and I feel way way too fucking tired to do anything helpful to it

[phoward89]

Masterlist

Stepcest, Stepson!Coryo x Stepmother!Reader, Sub!Coriolanus, Soft!Dom!Reader, Crassus Snow x Younger!Reader

WARNING ⚠️ Coriolanus Snow is a warning in and of itself. Crassus Snow is a cold hearted asshole, but he's a hot asshole... Stepcest, Cuckold, older man/younger woman, arranged marriage, cheating, affairs, secrets, cussing, secret love child

Part 3:

Your first night home’s an experience, to say the least. The baby cries a lot and you're the only one tending to him. Crassus has no intentions of helping you. In fact, he already made it clear on the ride home that as his wife; as the mother of his son it's your job to take care of the newborn. That his job's to be the provider; not the nurturer.

Grandma'am gave you some advice on how often to feed baby Cassian and even showed you how to swaddle him, but other than that she wasn't going to be changing his diapers or soothing him in the middle of the night. Between her being a bit hard of hearing in one ear and old, well, she'd be out like a light once she went to bed.

And Coryo…

Ha, any help you thought you'd get from him on your first night home with the baby never happened.

In fact, Coryo wanted his ‘mommy’ to help him out with a very hard problem.

You had just managed to calm Cassian down after feeding and changing him whenever Coryo entered the nursery, which was actually Tigris' old room. You hear his footsteps and turn around, only to smile when you see him. You think he's here to help you.

But how could you know that's not the case?

“Coryo, I just put him down. But we can sit down in the rocker and watch him for a bit.” You tell Coriolanus as he shuts the door and locks it before making his way over to you.

But you don't see the slight flick of his wrist when he locks the door tho. No, you think he's in the nursery to genuinely see your son; not to get handsy with you.

Coryo comes up behind you, only to wrap his arms around you and press his bulge against your ass. “I'd like you to sit on my lap, mommy. But while you're riding my cock.” He tells you while pressing open mouth kisses up and down your neck.

What? It's your first night home with a newborn and he wants to fuck! Seriously?...

Breaking his hold around you and turning to face him, you sigh, “I'm not fucking you tonight, Coryo.”

“Why not? It's been a few days since we've been able to.” Your platinum blonde boy asks, a slight pout to his lush lips.

“I just had a baby, that's why not.” You replied with exhaustion in your voice.

“But, mommy, I’m so hard and need you.” Coriolanus says in his subby tone, batting his lashes at you in an attempt to manipulate you into riding him on the chair nestled in the corner.

“I'm sorry, but we can't do anything.” You apologize, although you truly have nothing to apologize for. “Plus, the doctor says I have to wait 6 weeks, til I'm healed, to have sex again.” You add in for good measure once you see Coryo furrowed brow.

“It's going to take you that long to heal?” Coriolanus asked in disbelief. Two months, he has to go two months without fucking you. Oh, that was quite a long time. An impossible task given that he's used to fucking you a lot.

Not even waiting for you to give him an answer, he pulls you to him and starts lightly humping against your leg. Pawing at your boobs, that are swollen and full with milk, he suggests, “Then I suppose you'll just have to help me out by giving me a hand, or better yet using your mouth on me.”

“I'm not jerking you off or blowing you tonight, Coriolanus.” You tell him while pushing him off of you.

“But mommy, I need you. Don't you want to make your baby boy feel good?” Coriolanus pressed, sounding like a needy brat, as he grabbed your wrist and placed your hand on the hardness straining his pants.

“Coryo, I'm tired and I've been taking care of the baby all day. I'm honestly not in the mood to make you cum.” You tell your lover while pulling your hand away from his crotch.

“I'm tired too, but I can't sleep until I cum. I need to cum and I need you so bad.” Coriolanus needily told you, his icy eyes flashing with desperation and lust.

“You have a hand, Coriolanus, so use it.” You tell him, feeling your patience start to wane. Shaking your head, you sigh, “I'm going back to bed, you should too.”

“Oh, so you'd rather go to bed with my hateful father, who doesn't give a damn about you, then spend time with me- touch me and make me cum?” Coriolanus asked, a sting to his voice, as you pushed past him and went over to the door.

You just shook your head, unlocked the door, and exited the nursery. You're too tired to argue with Coryo right now.

As you walk down the hall towards the master bedroom that you share with Crassus, you hear the sound of the nursery door open and shut paired with Coriolanus' footsteps heading into the direction of his room. A room that was on the opposite end of the hall then yours.

And when you reach the master bedroom, you walk inside only to see your husband sound asleep. You notice how the sliver of moonlight streaming in thru a crack in the window curtains illuminates your husband's features; cast a glow on him that makes his face seem at ease- at peace.

When you join him in bed, he stirs and groggily asks, “‘S the baby settled?”

“Yes.” You nod against your pillow.

While pulling the blankets up around your shoulder, you heard your husband’s sleep laden voice order, “Go back to sleep, Y/N. And don't wake me next time.”

Of course, Crassus doesn't want you waking him up next time you have to tend to the baby in the middle of the night. Well, isn't he such a great husband? But you don't expect anything else from him since your husband's a cold, unfeeling, stern man.

Why should he care about you being exhausted from taking care of a newborn for the very first time? You're nothing to Crassus, but a young pretty thing that warms his bed; gave him another son. A son he'll probably ignore and ridicule like he does to Coriolanus.

There's nothing you can do about Crassus’ cold attitude, so you just close your eyes and tell him okay before letting sleep take hold of you.

It's been a few days since you brought Cassian home and you're starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by being a new mom. Especially since you had no help from either your husband or your baby daddy.

Crassus is a workaholic so he’s walking out of the door before breakfast gets served and coming home just in time for dinner to be served. Coriolanus, well…he wasn't as helpful as you thought he'd be. In fact, Coryo's cut from the same cloth as his father.

Coriolanus is very ambitious and that trait has him rushing off to the University; essentially ignoring your pathetic sniffles and cries as you begin to feel overwhelmed with everything. And if he’s not at the University then he’s at Dr. Gaul's lab, doing his apprenticeship.

Coryo loves being the intern of the mad scientist because he’s able to thrive; able to showcase his talents and wits for riddles and creating mechanisms of psychological control. Working and learning underneath Dr. Gaul honed Coriolanus’ natural born abilities of manipulation and cunning. It also helps him learn how to control things around him, how to view living things, including the human citizens of Panem, as animals ranked on the food chain.

Yea…

Coriolanus Snow quite enjoys both his time at the University and his time studying under the mad scientist.

But you didn't enjoy it since it meant you didn't see him. It also meant that he’s too busy with his studies and securing a permanent job in Dr. Gaul's lab to do anything to help you with the baby.

Well, at least Grandma'am’s helping you and giving you advice about motherhood when she’s able to. But she's elderly and takes naps. Plus, she does like to visit the neighbor, Pluribus, to talk about the good old days before the war and you can't find it in your heart to ask her to stay home instead of taking her neighborly visits next door.

So, essentially it's just you and the baby.

And you're fine with that. Really, you are. So, then why are you so weepy and melancholy?

It seems that you have the baby blues.

One day,after feeding and changing Cassian, you're in the sitting room having mid-morning tea with Grandma'am. You zone out as she's talking to you, staring into your tea cup while feeling the sudden urge to cry. And suddenly, the urge becomes a reality and you're a sniffling mess.

Wiping your tears, you apologize to her. “I'm sorry, Grandma'am. I don't know what's come over me all of a sudden.”

“Have you been feeling this way for a while, dear?” Your mother-in-law asks instead of accepting your apology.

“Yes,” You nod, starting to weep again. “And I don't know why.”

“Oh, my sweet dear, you have yourself a case of the baby blues.” Grandma'am tells you matter-of-factly. Patting your hand, she reveals, “I had them when I had your husband.” She gives you a sympathetic smile. “Don't you worry, it'll pass in time.”

You nod, sniffling and wiping your tears away with your free hand. At least now you know what's wrong with you.

“Thank you for telling me about why I'm feeling this way.” You gratefully smile, eyes sore and puffy from crying.

“Oh, Y/N, with your mother not being involved much it's my duty to tell you about the baby blues and other matters that relate to motherhood.”

As long as it wasn't spoken into existence, you could ignore your mother's lack of interaction when it came to you and your newborn son: Cassian. But now that your mother-in-law brought it up, well, you're feeling depressed and hollow at the reality that your mother doesn't care about you and your son enough to visit.

It's late in the afternoon whenever Crassus walks thru the front door. He's not home early, but rather to grab an important document from his study that he needs for a meeting. A meeting that’s scheduled to start within a half hour. And he only realized that he forgot the document at home when he was going over his documents for the meeting; doing last minute preparations for speeches and presentations.

The house is quiet, given that his mother's asleep along with you and the baby; proving that all is well. Or at least he thinks all his well until he walks down the hall, towards his study, only to hear faint crying. Crassus can't help, but think that maybe the baby’s just woken up. So, he makes a mental note to check on the baby after retrieving his documents.

Crassus ignores the cries and enters his study. He shakes his head and chuckles to himself upon seeing the forgotten document on his desk. Oh, how foolish of him to have forgotten to place it in his briefcase the night before. He wasn't a forgetful or foolish person, so he figures his mind must've been too focused on making sure he had everything for today's meeting that he overlooked a single paper.

Once he places what he needs for his upcoming meeting in his leather briefcase, Crassus exits his office and goes to check on Cassian in the nursery. What he finds in his son's nursery is the baby sleeping in his crib, wrapped up like a little burrito in a swaddling blanket. Concluding that the crying’s not his son, he leaves the nursery.

Still hearing the faint cries in the air, he realizes that it's coming from the master bedroom he shares with you. Before he can even think, his feet are leading him to his bedroom. The door's cracked open, so you can hear the baby when he wakes up and cries, so Crassus peeks inside the room.

The cold, stern man sees you curled up in the corner of the room, head buried in your hands while leaning against your knees, crying. Your body's slightly shaking from your sobs.

Your husband backs away from the door, wondering why you're crying instead of taking a nap. Isn't it a known rule amongst mothers that they sleep when their baby sleeps? But you're not sleeping, you're in the corner crying.

What could have you so upset that you're a sobbing mess, curled up in the corner of the bedroom?

Crassus looks between the bedroom door and the hallway leading out into the main room of the penthouse. He debates on whether or not he should go into the bedroom and comfort you. But then he reminds himself that you're his wife, albeit sad and sobbing, because of an arranged marriage. That there's no love between the two of you, that you're marriage is one of convenience; that he doesn't owe you anything in the spectrum of emotions.

Crassus turns his back on his bedroom door, on you in your weepy, overwhelmed state, and walks down the hall and out of the penthouse. He picks work and his upcoming meeting over you.

But that's not a surprise, work means more to Crassus than you do.

Crassus is sitting in the meeting room, a folder of documents open in front of him. His secretary, Leo Davis, is sitting right next to him- taking notes and such for the imposing, cold man. The men seated at the large table in the conference room are the heads of various departments of the Ministry of War. The meeting’s being held to discuss the the fiscal Q2 that's nearing its end and what must be done to meet KPI’s before the fiscal Q3 begins.

Crassus has already said a few things about the matter, so now he's listening to the other men talk. But, he's actually spacing out instead of listening to the department heads give their speeches and suggestions.

In fact, his mind keeps wandering to the image of you curled up in the corner of the bedroom, shaking and sobbing. He just can't get that image out of his head. It's as if it's seared in his brain.

Your cold and unfeeling husband can't help, but wonder what's why with you. Why you're breaking down in the late afternoon? Did he do something to upset you, and if so then what was it? Crassus doesn't spend much time with you, so he couldn't have done anything to make you sad- could he?

“Crassus, do you have anything to add to the matter?” The head of the Ministry of War’s Commissariat Department asked the head of the ministry's National Security Department.

Crassus didn't even hear what the matter was, he was too lost in his own thoughts, but he couldn't let the men at the meeting know that. So, he just shakes his head and says no.

The meeting goes on much like this until it's over. Everyone piles out of the meeting and goes to the elevator banks or the stairs to get back to the floors their offices are in.

After a quick elevator ride, Crassus and his secretary arrive back on their floor. Leo gives him the notes he took before going to his desk, which is located a few yards away from Crassus' office.

It was nearing 5 o’clock, the normal time for people with office jobs to clock out and leave. But, your husband was far from normal. He didn't work 9 to 5, instead he arrived early and left late. Crassus sure did rack up a lot of overtime hours; he was also viewed as a highly devoted and dedicated employee.

But in reality he's just a work-a-holic, no dedication involved.

Crassus, like every day at 5 o’clock, emerged from his office only to go to his secretary’s desk to announce that they're working late. “Leo, I need you to work late tonight.”

Leo, who was greatly intimidated by his boss, is going to stand up to him for the very first time since becoming his secretary a few months back. The man looks at his boss and tells him, in a voice that's nearly shaking, “No, General Snow, I can't work tonight.”

A stony look crossed over Crassus' face as he barked out, “Why not?”

Crassus and Leo never talked about their personal lives at work, because the general always shut down any attempts. But both men knew that the other was married by the gold rings on their ring fingers. Leo, knowing that there's a Mrs. Snow in General Crassus Snow's life, hopes that his boss understands why he can't stay late.

Speaking as not just an employee, but as a husband, Leo answers your husband with, “It's my anniversary today and I promised to take my wife out for dinner to celebrate. Made reservations and everything; I don't want to disappoint her since she's been looking forward to it for weeks now.”

Crassus knows that most married couples in the Capitol, whether their unions be love matches or arranged marriages, celebrates wedding anniversaries. But, Crassus has never celebrated your anniversary.

He honestly saw no need to. It wasn't like you're close. Hell, you're more or less roommates that have vanilla sex and have a legal piece of paper stating that you're legally bound together as man and wife til death do you part.

But now, after hearing his secretary tell him he's got anniversary plans and can't stay late, well… Now he's wondering if you're upset and crying because he never took you out to celebrate your anniversary. Because he’s a bit indifferent towards you despite knowing you biblically.

Crassus doesn't even know what comes over him when he nods and tells his secretary, “Go enjoy your anniversary with your wife, Leo.”

Leo thanks his boss and leaves, excited to take his wife out for a nice dinner. But his boss doesn't realize that maybe he should leave and go home to his wife too.

No…

Crassus goes back into his office to get a head start on some of tomorrow's work instead of going home to you, his wife that's suffering from the baby blues.

Tags: @kuroosbby001 @purriteen @poppyflower-22 @meetmeatyourworst @whipwhoops @bxtchopolis @readingthingsonhere @savagenctzen @ryswritingrecord @erikasurfer @tulips2715 @universal-s1ut @thesmutconnoisseur @squidscottjeans @sudek4l @wearemadeofstardust0 @mashiromochi @gracieroxzy @belcalis9503 @shari-berri @aoi-targaryen @whiteoakoak @spear-bearing-bi-witch @gisellesprettylies @loverandqueenofdragons @qoopeeya @mfnqueen1 @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88 @v-love @swiftieblyth @joyfulyouthlover @lady-harvey @chxrrybomb22 @marvel-hiddles-stark @xjinnix @devils-blackrose @zombicupcake3 @jacesvelaryons @tempt-ress @nayveetbhh

[aranock]

I'm tired.

Just sort of in general I am exhausted. I know I put on a brave face a lot, but the hate does get to me. The constant unceasing hatred both offline and online gets to me. I'm human idk what to say. Been thinking a lot about the Bilbo quote, I might be paraphrasing, "I feel like too little butter spread across too much toast."

It's pride month, I should be feeling happy right? I convocated finally after a brutal long degree I should be feeling happy right? I like how my body looks for the first time in my life shouldn't I feel happy?

And I know that's not helpful, that feelings are not a should thing. And yet I feel it anyway :/. Not that I do not feel happy, I would say on average I am better than I have been at any other point in my life. But it does get to me.

I was invited to dinner with a former family member, a blood relative that breached every boundary I placed and even went so far as to accost me in a public space. It's hard watching someone lose all love for you the more you become yourself. Being told I'm an embarrassment to my parents by creeps online stings a lot more now that I had a blood relative say it to my face while aggressively yanking my jacket so I couldn't get away. I know its a lie, I know that this person saying that hurt my parents as much as it did me. Alas, anxiety rarely responds to facts or evidence.

Everytime it feels like I'm fine and over it; this person manages to weasel their way around boundaries to fuck up my mental health for a week. And the thing about chronic illnesses like mine is they flare up quite horrendously when you get stressed and anxious. Anxiety means waking up to acid burnt throat from reflux.

It makes my voice dysphoric all day.

I think deep down one of my greatest fears is that I am unlovable, that everyone around me secretly hates me and is just waiting for the excuse to finally be rid of interacting with me. I am terrified that I am a burden. Mortified by the false belief that I am broken.

Despite how horrific my childhood adolescence and some of my early adulthood were, my family was at least a safe place. I recognize that I was privileged to have that. With that said I think the reason this whole thing has rocked me so much is that it violated that one last place I felt safe. It has made me doubt the love of those I never thought I would.

Sometimes transphobia feels like drowning, and if you try to swim for air everyone decides to shove you further down cause actually it's proof you are faking needing breath.

I text someone anytime I go run errands, just to make sure someone knows. Had too many experiences of hate. I get anxious when I go to get groceries; will this be the time I get hit by a vehicle driven by a far right transphobe, am I going to get called a slur again, will the store staff get suspicious of me and search through all my groceries to make sure I actually paid for it. But please, tell me how I don't know what its like to be oppressed. When men sexually harass, catcall, creepily hit on, follow me around clearly I am not at all experiencing sexism. Obviously the real worst thing in the world is that women "cancel" people on the internet, and trans people exist. Did they think sending me hateful articles would suddenly make me go "oh yes clearly its all in my head, please genocide my community, I stand for nothing and have the moral backbone of a slug."

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I dont usually feel or desire to express something like this publicly. I will probably delete it later. Maybe I disappear into writing cause its easier to deal with the feelings that way. That at least then someone gets something out of my pain. That maybe it helps to condense emotional mountains to the mole hills of short strokes of a pen or presses of a key. To let them explode outward in a flurry of thoughts and words that others look at and say "I too have felt this, you are not alone, you are not wrong for feeling this way."

Anything to take the weight of it all off my chest for a second.

Because I am tired.

I'm exhausted really.

I don't want to be brave or strong or resilient. It's tiring to bear the weight of that and a billion projections. Atlas does not bear the heavens upon his shoulders because he is strong or brave. He bears it because he has no other choice. Because people put it on him.

I just want to exist; that is apparently too much to ask for as a trans woman.

If you are concerned, please don't worry I'll be fine, I was fine every other time after all. This too shall pass. But right now it hurts.

And I have had my fill of hurt for many lifetimes.

[thedevilsoftruth]

Yellow Light ♡ Shane x Afab Reader

Sumarry: Shane doesn't usually go rough in bed, but he wants to try something a little more different than his usual vanilla style ( but doesn't tell you about it. ).

Warnning: Smut!! Dom! Shane, semi rough sex, PIV, plot? What plot? established ( married) relationship.

Notes: Another writing practice. Just trying to get used to writing Shane lol. I also wrote this in like 30 minutes before I had to go to my taekwondo class, so sorry if there's typos or if it seems rushed.

♡♡♡

Shane wasn't the type to do anything too wild in bed. He just couldn't keep up with that sort of thing. He'd run out of energy quickly, and he just honestly liked something a lot more passionate and slow so he could savor his time with you. But he had been married to you for almost five years. And ever since he married you, he had been getting a lot more exercise with helping out with the farm animals, especially as of late. He was eating a lot better and just becoming a lot better of a person in general.

And because he was with you for such a long time, he knew his way around you and your body. He was your husband, and you were far from familiar to his sexual behaviors and habits. He was the same with you, too. You both had sex regularly, at least once or twice every two months, maybe a bit more than that.

So when he had you in bed that night and seemed a lot more energetic than usual, it came off as a bit of a surprise. It wasn't horrible. It was just different.

He was midway through your session together, and he was holding up strongly as if he had just started a couple of minutes ago. His face was buried into your neck, his hands pinning you down and gripping the satin black sheets underneath you as he pumped harsh thrusts into you. You were dripping with sweat, your nails digging into his back, and your legs wrapped around his waist, clinging onto him for dear life as if you were on the edge of a skyscraper. You were panting, endless moan leaving your lips as he gave you exactly what you never thought you needed.

You hadn't made a comment on it that night, waiting for him to slow down or bottom out towards the end like he usually did, but that hadn't happened yet. You weren't sure if you were going to be able to put up with the pacing, but you gave it a few minutes juat to see what he would do. He didn't seem to be slowing down or getting tired at all, and he didn't seem to want to. In fact, he seemed to be getting faster.

At the start of your session, he was taking things slow. He got you started with foreplay. He was slow when he actually began to fuck you. But that was all stripped away when he got towards the end of your session.

" Shane... ugn... s- slow--dow..n " you choked out, your voice broken and almost inaudible. Shane was too busy attacking your neck with harsh kisses and thrashing himself into you to turn his full attention to you. He looked at you, his eyes dark and nodded with nothing but pure and utter desire.

" What was that, honey? Gonna have to speak up. " He teased with a wide grin, returning his attention to your neck as his thrusts somehow got even faster. You choked on a moan and cried out at the sudden movement, your pussy fluttering at his words and aching for more.

" I said slo-ow down. " You moaned, your eyes rolling into the back of your head and your fingers digging deeper into his skin. You were so fucked out of your mind that talking was an issue and you could barely think straight. You couldn't remember the last time he had made you feel that way, let alone if he had ever made you feel that way at all.

" Too much? You seem to be loving it. " You could hear his smirk in the way he spoke. His voice was hoarse but confident, his thrusts getting a bit sloppy but still remaining at the same strong pace. Your bottom lip sinked into your teeth, and your legs jerked when he hit a spot that sent waves of pleasure running through you. He gave your ass a light smack and pulled away fron your neck to look at you.

" Use your words, baby. What do you want? " He told you, lowering his hand between your legs and rubbing your clit with his thumb, immediately causing your to buck your hips at the contact.

" Slower... go slower, " You begged, fluttering your eyes shut and your abdomen feeling the same burning sensation it always got when you were about to reach your peak. He noticed it too with the way your core was clenching onto him.

" I don't want to. But if that's what you want, then I'll give it to 'ya. " He said, slowing his pacing to make things more comfortable for you. It was only until the moment he slowed down that you came undone around him. He followed shortly after, filling you to the brim amd keeping your stuffed with his cock for a while as he tried to catch his breath.

" That was... " You were speechless. He'd never dome anything like that to you, and now... it was like he was a completely different person. He grinned.

" Just trying something new. "

[sonofshu]

‎ ‎

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

crippling anxiety hours let's go

[brightokyolights]

...

[thecherrygod]

/

[lucyvaleheart]

.

[hobisexually]

long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on

[screambirdscreaming]

ok this is a long fucking shot but does anyone out here know anything about. Allergies but rather than having itchy runny-nose symptoms you just feel systemically like shit. Like fatigue, nausea, vague headache, moderate-to-severe excercise intolerance, that sort of thing. But correlated to like, pollen exposure. Or just air quality in general?

The best ballpark diagnosis I have is asthma, but I've never actually had An Asthma Attack so I don't know if that's.... right. And even if it is, I can't really find good research or resources on managing systematic effects of asthma at this like... non-acute, non life-threatening severity.

Sometimes with weird medical shit like this, there's information that exists if only you can find the right keyword to search.... maybe somebody's got something?

Or even just, it'd be nice to hear if anyone elae deals with this and I'm not, like, completely insane*

*for this. other insanity unspecified.

[salsflore]

[meateater-lamb]

(dont read the tags actually)

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

[xamaxenta]

I want to separate myself from my physical self

[verdemoth]

mm goin through the horrors. the horrors are bad i can’t recommend the horrors.

[ii-zi]

Even when they ask, venting to people makes me feel like a tar pit lol