#and I will not write this till I'm done with pain mess

[saragarnier]

Away from you pt.2

pairing: Jay halsted x reader

summary: when y/n found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her she left Chicago, without saying a word.

warning: Angst maybe and bad english since it's not my first language.

A/N: i'm actually thinking about writing a part 3, but i'm not sure.

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Previous part, next part

When Jay got home that night, he went straight to the bedroom, without noticing your absence at once; he was really tired after the intense day at work and after the night he spent with Hailey. He was feeling guilty about it, obviously, but he could find the courage, he just couldn’t tell his future wife that he completely messed up with everything. He loved her, he really loved y/n and he didn’t want to lose her, even if she would have all the rights to do it, after all he cheated on her, just few months before the wedding.

Jay was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realise that she wasn’t still at home; he removed the badge and the gun from his belt, placing them silently on the bedside table, then he looked around and he finally noticed that you weren’t sleeping in the bed. He frowned, looking around and trying to understand where you were; he couldn’t hear the noise of the shower and the bathroom’s door was open, so you couldn’t be there either. He searched the entire home, then he took his phone out and he messaged you, hoping that you still were with Kim outside.

He tried to not get worried, but he couldn.t help himself when he saw that the message hadn't been sent successfully; he stayed awake for another hour, before falling asleep on the couch, waiting for your return.

He woke up the next day, feeling pain all over his body because of the position he fell asleep with; he looked around and he got up, searching all the house to find you. The bed was still done, and it didn’t seem like someone slept in it the other night, so it was clear that you didn’t come back home.

Feeling his hear skipping a beat because of his worry.

Why didn’t she come back home?

Had something happened last night?

Was she in danger?

He grabbed his phone and called for Kim straight away, walking all around the house while waiting for her to respond. He knew that it was still early in the morning, and he didn’t want to wake her up, but he had no choice. Y/n could have been in danger, something could have happened to her while she was coming back home, and he needed to know at what time Kim and her left the bar.

“Jay, it’s six in the morning, what’s happening?” Kim whispered when she answered the phone, seeing Jay’s name on the screen.

“Is y/n with you? Did something strange happened yesterday? Did she leave the bar after a call from the hospital?” Jay questioned her without taking a single breath. He just wanted to know if you were okay, if you were with her, maybe after drinking too many beers. He couldn’t understand for what reason you didn’t come home last night and he couldn’t believe that something bad happened to you or he would have known by that moment, his brother Will would have advised you.

“What? No, she left around ten pm and she walked away saying that he needed to do something… why? Did something happen?” Kim got up from her bed immediately, especially after hearing his tone of voice and hearing how worried he seemed to be.

“Fuck.” He exclaimed, shaking his head, still walking all around the house; he grabbed his badge and his gun, then he left the apartment without even reaching for his jacket. It wasn’t cold outside, but you definitely needed to have a jacket with you all the time in Chicago, at least till the begin of the summer. “She didn’t come back home last night and she doesn’t respond to my messages or my calls. I’m going to call Mouse and to make him track her phone, after that I’ll call Voight if I notice something strange, okay?”

“Shit…” Kim whispered, worried. “Tell me if you find out something, okay? “

“Sure.” Jay reassured her, then he hung up and he called Mouse instead.

He waited for almost a minute before his friend answered the phone, still in his dreams; Jay could tell just by his voice that he woke up Mouse and that he wasn’t really happy about that, but he just couldn’t wait any longer, especially if something bad happened to you.

How could he have been so stupid?

You were never late, he should have called Mouse and Kim the night before, he should have called them before to make sure that you were okay. What if someone kidnapped you? What if someone hurt you?

It would have been his fault.

It would have been his fault because you went out with Kim alone because he wanted to spend the evening with Hailey, he would have been his fault because he should have called for help immediately, he would have been his fault because he wasn’t by your side.

“Mouse, I need you to track y/n’ phone right now!” Jay said without waiting a minute.

“What do you guys have with tracking each other phones, uh?” Mouse replied, mumbling something about last night, when you called him.

Jay froze at hi friend’s words; he pulled up and he parked the car before crashing into someone else, then he took a deep breath and he try to stay focused on Mouse.

“Wait… what does that mean?” He whispered, afraid of what he could have discovered.

“She asked me to track your phone yesterday’s night… she seemed worried about you falling again into ptsd and I immediately tracked your phone. I told her that you were in your older apartment and that’s it, I didn’t hear from her after that.”

In that moment, all the dots connected.

That’s why Kim said you left earlier that’s why he noticed the backup- key in the wrong position, that’s why she didn’t come back home and that’s why she didn’t respond to his messages or calls.

She knew.

She found out.

He messed up and she knew it.

Jay stayed silent for what looks like hours, even days for him, even if it was probably for just one minute or two. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice he was crying, not until he was brought back to reality from Mouse.

“Uhm… Jay, there’s a problem…” he whispered. “I can’t track y/n’ phone, it’s like it’s dead. Maybe she didn’t have the chance to charge it? But why did you need her location? Is she with you?”

Jay gulped, looking outside of the car, looking at everything and nothing at the same time. he was like a ghost, he felt like a ghost, he felt like he was dead, like he lost all.

And he did.

If she really saw him with Hailey, he knew that he lost the love of his life, and all for what? Some sex with his partner at work? He said he loved Hailey, he always said it when they fucked, but while doing it he always thought about y/n, about the love of his life. It’ didn’t make sense, it didn’t make sense for him either and he didn’t expect the others to understand, that’s why he never told you or anyone else, even if he really wanted to after the first time he and Hailey had sex together.

“Jay?” Mouse asked again, worried when he didn’t hear anything from his friend for minutes. “Are you okay?”

“I ruined everything, Mouse.” He whispered at the phone, crying silently. “I lost her… I think she broke up with me… I think she left…”

“What?! What does that mean? She couldn’t have done it, couldn’t she? Why?” Mouse didn’t really understand what was happening between his friend and his friend’s fiancé, but it was clear that something bad happened between them since he heard Jay crying on the other line of the call.

“I cheated on her… I cheated on her and I think she found out… she didn’t come home last night, she doesn’t respond to messages and calls… I don’t know where to find her, I don’t know where to find her to talk to her and explain everything to her. She had all the rights to know the truth from me, but I can’t do it if I can’t reach for her.”

Mouse stayed silent for some minutes, then he had an idea.

“She works at the hospital, maybe she’s there, no? It’s seven am and she had to present her resignation letter if she really wants to leave Chicago, no? Maybe she’s at the hospital to do it, maybe you still have time.”

It was one last hope and Jay accepted it; Jay took it immediately.

“I’ll call you from the hospital. Thank you, Mouse.”

He hung up, dried his cheeks from the tears and he drove towards the Chicago Medical Center as soon as he could; when he arrived, he met his brother, Will, but he was to focused on finding y/n, so he ignored him and went straight towards Meggie. Before he could ask her where his fiancé was, Jay got stopped by Will, who pushed him into an empty room.

“Will I do nit have time for this right now!” Jay exclaimed, trying to go out go the room to find you.

“Well, you’ll have to find some time because I want to know why y/n presented her resignation form on a fucking mail!”

And that was when Jay lost his last hope.

“W-What?” he whispered, sitting on an empty chair before falling on the ground. “She left?”

It was too late.

He arrived too late.

Will nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder, and trying to reassure her in any way possible.

“What happened, Jay?”

“I fucked up… I fucked up and I lost her, Will.” He whispered. “I lost her.”

And it was true.

He lost you.

And the best part was that being a detective’s fiancé helped you to find a way to be invisible.

New phone.

Only cash.

Being a ghost.

You didn’t want to be found, especially not by him and, while he was crying on his brother’s shoulder about losing the love of his life, you were landing in New York city, trying to find a way to hang on, trying to start a new life.

A life away from him.

Away from the last version of you.

[anatase-7987]

Fanfic idea #01

Inspired by this idea of Vinsmoke siblings gaining emotions, here is my first take on fanfic idea: (I'm not good at writing so just throwing it out there...)

After WCI, Reiju and Ichiji rescued Niji and Yonji from Big Mom's territory, and they were quite injured on the way out. They all needed blood transfusion, especially Niji and Yonji whose blood was left at the bare minimum amount for keeping them alive (but not awake). However, the blood supplies in Germa's lab was not compatible with them, even that it was their original blood. Neither Reiju nor Ichiji's blood could help solve the situation as their own blood were modified to their own abilities. Turned out that during the fights at WCI, Sanji's blood somehow got into their veins, mixed up with their own blood and miraculously created a new kind for each of them, which Germa's lab had no control over. Judge was, of course, furious as the 'failure' messed up his 'perfect solders'. He decided to toss them and created a new batch so that they were not affected by any blood-related issues. (Judge may or may not tell the scientists to end them or let them be without any blood transfusion, and in the event that he did, Ichiji and Reiju had to fight to escape and took their brothers with them.)

Even though she was not fond of the three brothers, growing up with them did have some bonds to Reiju. After all, they were influenced by Sanji's blood, and she experienced that from the very early stage when she took care of him. So when Ichiji asked Reiju to sail with him and the two unconscious brothers on a stolen snail ship to follow the Straw Hat's ship, after knowing that they were tossed aside, she agreed.

Their snail ship caught up to the Straw Hat on Wano's land, after Wano's fights finished. Reiji spoke to Sanji about the situation while the rest of the Straw Hat stayed alerted, notably Zoro whose hand was on his swords the entire of the conversation. He did not like the presence of the cook's siblings, especially the death path that the cook asked for if he ever lost his mind by the genetics awaken. Yet Sanji, being the kindest man of himself, agreed to donate some of his blood. And Chopper, being the genius doctor of the ship, found out the compatible blood kind for each of them (meaning Reiju, Ichiji, Niji and Yonji) and utilized the facility on the snail ship to multiply the blood supplies. (And Robin being the protective mom, accompany Chopper to the ship.)

And with Sanji's blood in their system, they started to encounter things that were not registered in their systems before.

Physical pain. The pain of injuries, bruise, burns coming from the organs, from the flesh as a result of constant practices and fights.

Invisible pain. It came as the sorrow of their mother's passing that they could not express at that moment, the guilt of bullying their own brother for being different, the remorse for all the horrible things they had done that would haunt them till the end of life.

Some weird 'feelings' that could be described as 'an interesting annoyance' that centered around Zoro and Sanji.

Zoro, despite his hateful behavior towards Sanji's siblings, respected the cook's decision. After all, it was Sanji's call, not him. Instead, he presented around Sanji most of the time: in the ship's kitchen when he cooked something for the siblings (because in Sanji's mind they all needed food and Sanji fed others); he followed Sanji when he brought the food for the siblings: he may or may not guard the kitchen when Ichiji attempted to talk with Sanji... To the point that Sanji assured him that he would not run away again. Regardless, Zoro definitely threatened 124ji with Enma the moment they recovered without Sanji presence. To which Reiju actually encouraged Zoro to ask Sanji out, as she saw through his actions, while the three brothers pretentiously protested and ticked him off in the similar way that Sanji usually did. No doubt they were his siblings. (I like the original idea in the post that the 'highlight' of their awaken emotions was to see Zoro's flirting through the usual bickering with oblivious Sanji.)

The siblings were now granted a new life. Once again, they owned Sanji their lives. Sanji just dismissed that and told them to take a good advantage of this second chance to live with freedom. Sanji may or may not tell them to stay away from Germa as the kingdom would fail eventually, or if they wanted to take over, form an ally with the Revolution Army and rebuild the reputation then.

Side note: I also like the idea of the cooking competition at Wano (with the prize of all the rarest spices and ingredients to the wining party, of course, Sanji wanted it) having both the siblings and Straw Hats supporting Sanji. Like, Niji and Zoro was fighting over who would offer their sword to Sanji to handle a delicate fish or a tough cut of meat. Or Yonji and Luffy fought over who helped finished more dishes that contributed to the dominant result at the end. Ichiji, deep inside, was a little bitter on not contributing to the help while putting on the pretend modest elder brother face (he may or may not ask Sanji if he needed help igniting the wood oven/grill or roast the meat, to which Sanji refused at the risk of Ichiji may blow up the kitchen). Reiju, Nami, and Robin had a blast witnessing some comedic moments of their lives. To Nami and Robin, it was on a daily basis, but to Reiju, it was the first time. Their first time, freely enjoyed 'feelings' to their heart content.

[balancingdiet]

So i just finished the movie earlier and I am in so much feels right now HAHAHA. Just a mini rant regarding the movie! MAJOR spoilers ahead

i'm so happy i went in blind for the movie so i literally have 0 information about it. The only thing I know was Heiji and Kaitou Kid were gonna be it. So colour me surprise when there were a lot more easter eggs and fun references to canon scenes than I expected, and I do semi-enjoy them. But I was truly SHOOKEDTH when Aoko appeared. I literally gasped and was screaming internally in the cinema because MY BABY GIRL??? While it made sense that she should be there when Inspector Nakamori was shot, I still didn't expect her to be included in the movie at all. Every scene with her were the best moments I had tbh, followed closely by Kaitou Kid's angst when he couldn't save Inspector Nakamori (hmm yes i love the pain and guilt and emotional distress HAHAHAH) I would probably need a second or third watch to fully grasp how they solve the riddles to the treasure thingy, but I'm okay to cast that concern aside in exchange for enjoyable, strong character-driven moments! But sadly, the dynamics were kinda lacking in this movie for me. There were just so many things going on, with the confession plan, then the murder, then the kidnapping, then the riddle, then the story of the swords... you get it. This movie had so many things going on that nothing was going on at the same time? I felt like if I were to watch any other movie with Heiji&Conan/Kid&Conan/Heiji&Kid in it, their dynamics would be the same and underdeveloped. In fact, what I love were actually the unconventional or lesser popular dynamics? Like I mentioned, Aoko really steal the show, and I enjoyed her interaction with Conan and referencing to Kaito's younger self LOL. And when Ran noticed and was supportive of Heiji's confession plan, their moments were super nice and cute too! (Though it was no shocker when Heiji's confession was ruined, once again. At this point I really do feel bad for him.) Now, to the important part: the cousin reveal HAHAHHAHA When Heiji asked Conan if he has a sibling or something, I was kinda "hmm??", but I didn't thought they would really go with the reveal in this movie. While being a KaiShin shipper, I still adore ShinRan and KaiAo a lot (those KaiAo crumbs cured my sadness HAHAHA). I'm not sure if I would incorporate this new reveal into any future KaiShin fics (if I'm writing any), but still I am kinda disappointed that they decided to reveal it this way, like it's just a "by the way thing". But what was worse was that Toichi is indeed really alive, with this information backed and followed up since the Midnight Crow arc in Magic Kaito Manga. This "plot twist" actually felt rather flat, like it was done just for the shock factor and not for substance. Like there really wasn't a point for it? Unless the dcmk verse is really going to unite and they are going to take down the BO + Snake gang together in the future? Idk. This whole thing feels cheap... and an unnecessary plot device. Honestly, it would be a lot cooler if Phantom lady (Chikage) plays a more active role than Toichi's "Kaitou Corbeau". His actual death was what motivated and made Kaito who Kaito is today. And to just rip that away because Gosho cannot allow good characters to remain dead... is just kinda ugh. MagicKaito-verse is kinda messed up for me now and I felt a little bit sad when I walk out of the cinema after that LOL. I still love DCMK and I will always adore all the characters in my heart (bigger shoutout to Aoko though LOL), but I just hope that whatever direction Gosho takes with the story, it's for the better: Rather than relying on the characters to make the plot interesting, he should address/better the plot that drives the characters to complete their interesting stories. Not sure if this make sense but yeah. Oh well, if you have read till this far, thank you for hearing my long rant! I do feel a bit better after this HAHAHAHA

[spookyspecterino]

Just finished the main quest for Starfield and I have many feelings. And those feelings are manifesting themselves into fic ideas.

I guess there isn't really a point to this post other than to get my feelings down in writing and see how it compares to everyone else's.

I've put them all below the cut for those who don't want spoilers.

Ok yeah.. so where do I even start?

The fact that you get split up from your followers and in the new universe everyone is kinda ??? about you. I get it, I do, but like... that hurts so much. I feel so empty. I spent hours and hours talking to them, doing their quests, getting to know them, and bonding--and poof, I'm alone in a universe where none of them are the same and I can't grow close to any of them again.

And at the end, in our original universe, Sam is encouraging us to go into the Unity even though he knows we probably won't end up together in the next universe... BETHESDA that's not ROMANTIC that's TRAGIC. It was like a gut punch hearing Sam say we would miss each other till the end of days but had to do this anyway--and then to say he's bringing CORA, too? HUH?? You're going to not only take her away from her mother and grandfather, but also throw a 12 y/o into a new universe ALONE???

Some things are going to change in my fics, I tell you what. All of it doesn't sit well with me.

And the absolute hollowness of the new universe!! A little bit into it and I'm sitting there going I WANT TO GO BACK, PLEASE LET ME GO BACK. It just feels like the whole thing is entirely NOT WORTH IT.

I've lost Sam, I've lost Cora, and all my other companions. The emotional disconnect from the new universe companions leaves a GIANT hole in my heart. I am hurting. What is the point??

All this has done is inspire me with the most heart-wrenching angst fics I've ever thought of, and to start the whole game over again. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED this game up until this point. And I like how they're trying to do this death/rebirth motif and the impact you the player has on your world. EXCEPT, if you want me to keep playing, the companions are a large part of what made the game good for me and everything after has felt oddly lazy--like they gave up trying to make the game unique and meaningful after. The 10 different NG+ differences are fine. But still empty, and you're left with busy work in the form of artifact collection. I really regret going to a new universe, but the whole game, and your followers, are all pushing you to do it--so the game is pushing you to do this, but for what? I was so excited for the possibilities for what comes next...but it fell so flat for me. At least I can channel this pain into writing fics.

...Ok, well... rant over. If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading this jumbled, emotional mess. This isn't meant to be a review either, just my perspective. So if you enjoyed this NG+ aspect, I'm genuinely happy for you. Let me know what your thoughts were on the end of the game, or if I've missed something crucial and I should keep going with my original character.

[white-poppie]

Eyes burning in the Sun

Request: can you please do a Kurapika x reader. the reader helps Kurapika fight the phantom troupe and even ends up fighting one of them. (This is my first time I'm sorry if I mess up on anything I also read the rules multiple times.)

A/N: Ohh nonnie, don't worry you didn't mess up anything!! I am so happy that you read the rules ahaha ( you are so adorable omg my heart-) Hehe like I would leave any opportunity to write for 'pika dearest.

Genre: Friends to Lovers! (first-time writing non-established relations xo) Warnings: extreme violence--be warned, reader is a specialist, too mush floof

"I am going on the hunt with you this time!" you slammed the door, causing him to flinch and spill his green tea on his shirt. You were the one always lecturing him about taking care of himself and yet you disturbed one of his only moments of calmness.

"The what, now?" he blinked, dazed.

"I wanna help you in hunting the phantom troupe this time," you huffed causing Kurapika to drop the tissue in his hand and look at you concerned, he walked up to you before any questions left his mouth.

"Absolutely not!" he commanded.

"I won't be any hindrance to you!" you pouted making his resolve tremble ever-so-slightly.

"It's not about being a hindrance, Y/n!" he paced around his room, "its about your safety, I can't let anyone else dear to me get hurt, no, not again!"

"Kurapika!" you kept your hands on his shoulders, "I am fine, stop worrying, geez!"

"Oh-I" he quickly fixed his tie and cleared his throat, "I apologize."

"Please let me help you," your eyes softened, "I am concerned about you, that is why I want to accompany you, I think you are fully capable of handling them by yourself, but my mind is restless--please let me come with you."

He gulped and averted his eyes, "fine, you may."

"But if any situation comes where you are in danger, flee immediately!"

Kurapika should've known better than to trust you to flee in the face of danger.

"Twenty meters and Sixty degrees clockwise from your current position," chided through the device, "Machi, she is alone, you can catch up to her."

Kurapika rolled up the sleeves of his white dress shirt and looked at the direction you pointed. You were hiding behind some alleyway, a device in your ear and binocs in your hand, spying at the troupe.

"Isn't it suspicious how only one member is there?" he mumbled.

"It is..." you whispered, narrowing your eyes and before one could say knife, there was a hand around your mouth. Your eyes widened in fear and a muffled shriek automatically left your throat.

"Y/N?" Kurapika asked concernedly, but before one could say knife, he was struck by Machi.

"Focus, chain bastard," she hissed and he had no choice but to oblige. First he had to deal with the issue in his hand and then look after you.

You looked around to see a short man holding your mouth, eyes widening in fear as you recognised him to be the cruellest member of the troupe: Feitan.

You did the most reasonable thing anyone could have done.

Scream? No.

Cry? No.

Beg for mercy? Absolutely Not.

You...bit his hand.

Now listen, it might not be the most ethical tactic, but as long as it works, right?

Feitan hissed as he realized his grip from your mouth. You kicked him where the sun doesn't shine and made him double up, gasping in pain.

"You bitch!" he snarled wildly, landing blind hits on you, which you were able to dodge. You took advantage and twirled him till he was facing the wall, in his weakened state, you grabbed him by the back of his neck and slammed his face into the wall.

His head hit a gross splat and you were sure it was enough to keep him unconscious for a while.

Making an escape from the alley, you ran towards Kurapika.

You weren't shocked to see Kurapika and Machi having a fair fight. Her strings were invisible when they wrapped around his forearm, drawing blood from them as he hissed in pain.

And you swore to heavens you never wanted to shave someone's hair off so bad in your life.

You took a pocket knife and snapped her string, giving Kurapika enough time to wield his chain of justice and pierce it through her chest.

That was what you thought...until your head was hit with something cold, forcing you to fall on all fours, groaning in pain as warmth trickled down your head.

You turned your head to see Feitan smiling sadistically, your vision tunneled from the impact.

"Y/N!" Kurapika shouted. God, it was their plan to make him unable to move. He was driven between killing Machi and saving you from Feitan.

Heh, you knew better than being a hindrance, "k-kill machi," you stuttered out, "I'll hopefully buy you enough time until then."

"Y/N-" his voice died in his throat as he shook his head to rid of the haziness.

You got up hesitantly and stared into his dark eyes, how menacing.

"Why do always attack from the back?" you asked, crossing your arms in front of you. He blinked in surprise at the casual conversation you were channelling in the middle of a fight. You looked at Kurapika, he was holding out quite well.

You slowly moved a little towards the alley while glaring at him and the poor guy didn't know how to react. You leg finally came across the metal rod you were looking for, instantly grabbing it, you charged at Feitan but he was quick to dodge.

You huffed as you swing again, landing a clear hit on his arm. It might have seemed like an unneeded move, but it was necessary to connect your nen-channel on his arm, one of the weakest points of the body.

Your nen was concealed through In, but your ability was versatile, you could connect your aura through a bullet and fire it and it would successfully attach to the person, or you could use a knife and stab, even physical attack worked as long as you make contact with the target, one way or another.

But Feitan was cunning, he knew you motive and was ready to cut your aura nodes. You panicked and quickly and uttered the command, "Kaze!"

A sharp gust of wind snapped his arm in half...the scene reminded you of Heaven's Arena when you were watching the fight of Hisoka.

He groaned in pain as you looked over to see Kurapika, win as Machi retreated from the fight. He groaned in anger as she ran away, but his legs gave in due to tiredness.

You turned to face Feitan but he was gone too. Groaning in irritation you walked up to Kurapika and sat on the ground with your back on a wall.

"Hah, they ran away," he ran a hand through his gold locks, shutting his eyes tightly in despair, only to be met with a soft weight on his shoulder.

You kept your head on his shoulder, knowing well that you would die of embarrassment when you snap back to reality, but right now you wanted nothing more than his embrace.

"I am so glad you are alright," you laughed hoarsely, "I was so scared when I couldn't see you, I thought maybe-maybe-something might go wrong on your side or mine."

He leaned onto your touch, pushing back your hair from your forehead with dried-up blood.

"You promised you would run away," he moved away and looked at you, gently holding your hand and bringing it to his face. Heat rushed onto you as you bit your lips.

"I am sorry, I cannot leave you alone, can I?" He smiled and kissed your knuckles and you couldn't help but embrace him tightly.

He was quick to melt into your touch, "so uhm...do you want to go on a date with me?" He asked hesitantly and your tightened hug was all that he needed for an answer.

IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE THIS AAAA

Im sorry nonnie, hope you are not mad at me, I was having such an intense burnout TwT

I love pika shoo mush ommg uhuhuhu

Tags: @denkis111, @jazzylove, @lordmypantsaresocool, @futuristicallykawaiiturtle, @kristaline2dmensimp,@rintaroubby @nanaseishiro @innerpurple,

𓏲 🥀  Occasional Critters ▒ Wonderland's citizens ▒ The red king's rules    

Hunter x Hunter (ハンタ x ハンタ)

[sweetheartmotives]

☆*Yandere Magical Girl*☆

Desc and possible Tw: Yandere themes, Torturing someone, Ripping off someone's fingernail and breaking their finger, broken bones and mentions of kidnapping.

Let me know if I missed any!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• Yandere Magical Girl who… became your friend thru handing you a pencil and then chatting it up with you.

• Yandere Magical Girl who… really enjoys spending time with you! Studying? Count her in!

Hey, Wanna have a sleepover?

• Yandere Magical Girl who… would never tell you about the danger she fights. She doesn't wanna worry you!

Oh these bruises and scratches ? Don't worry, I just fell yesterday! :)

• Yandere Magical Girl who… stalked you before you two even became friends or Acquaintances.

Hiding behind a wall Ahhh.. they almost saw me!! :(

• Yandere Magical Girl who… would try to finish her fights as fast as she can. She couldn't stand being in battle and knowing you could be injured! :(

Sorry, I'm not interested in chatting with you. My songbird could be in danger as we speak.

• Yandere Magical Girl who… can be quite ruthless in battle. The feeling of you being hurt or worse, Dead, Really makes her blood boil.

Her covered in blood, scratches, and bruises Songbird! Are you okay? You aren't hurt are you?? :((

• Yandere Magical Girl who… couldn't kidnap you. She felt bad, She didn't want you to be sad or hate her. But she checks your phone and makes sure no one else is trying to steal you away ♡

Hi songbird! Oh ur going on a date? What's their name :) why? No reason, just interested is all! I'm gonna break their bones and rip off their fingernails.

• Yandere Magical Girl who… uses romantic nicknames to scare off potential dates or someone eyeing you.

Hi honey bun! The nickname? I wanted to try something new out, I love you as my best friend and I give all my friends nicknames! I wish you would ask me out already :(

• Yandere Magical Girl who… saved you. An enemy had taken you as a quick snack, But luckily she was there to kick butt and show off infront of her dearest!

Ahhhh.. I guess you found out huh.. don't worry songbird! I promise to be careful, Just stay hidden okay?

• Yandere Magical Girl who… let you watch her in battle. She kept you far away ofc, and everytime she shows off her super cool moves.

Are they watching? Well. They aren't gonna see this coming! >:3

••Yandere Magical Girl who… shows you her wand and outfit.

pretty? Thank you songbird I'm blushing!

••Yandere Magical Girl who… was shocked when you finally asked her out.

Oh.. songbird.. yes ofc I will go out with you! Crying tears of joy

• Yandere Magical Girl who… isn't shy to torture anyone who messes with you. Someone pushed you and didn't apologize? Meat grinder! :)

Breaking someone's finger and ripping off the nail Stop crying. You made my poor songbird upset.. you pushed them and didn't apologize, you could've hurt them! So shut up already.

• Yandere Magical Girl who… tortures then kills their enemy if you ever get injured by one of their stupid attacks.

Songbird! It's okay just rest your eyes for a second.. I'll be done in a second! Tortures her enemy for hurting you, even if it was just a tiny scratch.

• Yandere Magical Girl who… would never, Ever, Think of hurting you. It doesn't matter if it's mental or physical pain. She doesn't care, she will never ever hurt you. :(

• Yandere Magical Girl who… feels her heart break when you cry. You got dumped by someone you really really liked or got cheated on? Don't worry! She'll make it all better.

Oh songbird I'll have to hang up now, I'm so sorry. I have things to take care of at the moment, But I'll call back don't worry! Torturing your ex in an alleyway

• Yandere Magical Girl who… will love you till the end.

I love you so so much, songbird. Let's be together forever, okay?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~this time, there's no nfsw, I genuinely don't know how to write Female smut! I'm learning rn so if you want me to, I'll do so! [She's 19 btw!]

Thank you all for reading, She was on my mind! I enjoyed writing! :3

[jungle-angel]

oh my goodness 🥹 could we see 47 with miles miller if you don’t mind, maybe with a little 34?

Babes I do not mind in the least, I love writing for sweet little Miles, plus this is good practice (lol).

You and Miles were a giggling mess by the time the two of you reached your hotel room, the both of you slightly tipsy from all the mixed drinks the two of you had at the reception. But regardless, you and Miles had so much fun that night, surrounded by friends and family as you danced the night away and celebrated the beginning of your lives together.

Up to the room you went, your heads swimming and a warm buzz ringing throughout your bodies. Miles set your suitcases down near the dresser so they would be ready in the morning, making it less of a hassle for when you caught your flight out of Bozeman and headed for Hawaii.

"What a night," you yawned.

"I know," Miles chuckled. "I'm ready for bed too. All danced out, my head is buzzing....I think Mom, Dad and Arnie drank way too much."

You laughed a little, knowing that Miles was right about one of his war buddies who had been at the wedding. Arnie, Alex Stone and Dan, who had been the head cook and supreme commander of the El Royale's hotel kitchen back in Lake Tahoe, had all taken rather humorous photographic evidence of the shenanigans they had all engaged in at the reception, which was sure to become the butt of many hangover jokes in the near future.

You made your way into the bathroom, turning on the water in the bathtub and hanging your satin and lace bed-slip on the hook for when you were done. "Miles, honey? Can you do me a favor and unbutton my dress?"

Miles nodded, his nimble fingers undoing the silver buttons on the back of your dress. You shivered when you felt the back of his warm fingers brushing against your skin. "Sweetheart, wait," you whispered to him. "Just wait till I'm done? Please?"

Miles snaked his arms around you and kissed your cheek. "Whenever you're ready," he murmured.

He gave you that little moment of privacy as you slipped off your dress, hanging it on the hangar and the hook where your bed-slip was. You sank into the hot water, washing out your hair and taking off every last little bit of makeup you could get at before your face came clean. You thoroughly scrubbed with the pink grapefruit and mint bodywash the hotel staff had left and when you felt you were clean enough, you let the water out, dried off and changed into that white lace and satin slip that Kathy, your mother-in-law, had given you while the boys were all out at their Stag event.

Goosebumps quickly formed on your skin when the air conditioning hit you like a bat outta hell, but more so when you saw Miles lying shirtless underneath the thin white bedsheet, the bright glow of the little tv on the stand illuminating the room as it played "Two Mules For Sister Sara".

You felt his gaze on you, his eyes lighting up and his jaw wobbling a little when he saw you in your bed-slip. "I hope it's not too much but..."

"C'mere," he beckoned gently.

You made your way to the bed, Miles gently taking you by the hand and smiling at you the whole time. You crawled in beside him, the two of you snuggling into each other to keep warm.

"Baby?" Miles whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Can you.....I want you to warm my cock up for me," Miles answered. "M'so cold."

You crooked your finger, beckoning him to roll on top of you. Miles slipped inside you with incredible ease, kissing you deeply as he gently thrust in and out of you, taking careful pains to rub his tip against your sensitive clit.

"So warm," he murmured. "You're so warm Mrs. Miller."

You giggled and smiled against his kiss as he thrust himself back into you, staying still for just a little while longer. "What do you think sweetheart?" he asked, kissing the tip of your nose. "Think we can go a round or two before bedtime?"

"I'd love to," you chuckled. "Just remember though, we need to be up early to catch our flight."

Miles smiled as he kissed you again, rocking his hips against yours. "Whatever you say Mrs. Miller," he cooed.

[piratical-princess]

This is just personal whining but I need to let some stuff out.

Our house slowly flooded because the previous owners installed a pipe wrong. Mold everywhere. Now our bedroom floor is gone, bathroom is gone, kitchen is gone. Everything is in boxes. Luckily, insurance is helping pay, but I am the one who deals with them so it's on me to make the phone calls and send the emails and take photos of everything and make sure the contractors are on board and schedule appointments. Meanwhile, we are both using the Murder Bathroom, so named because it looks like a prison cell only much much much smaller, and there is no sink so we are washing hands and dishes in the shower. The gent doing the rebuilding on our house just told us he couldn't start work till the insurance company sends him payment, which could take two weeks, and then it's two weeks for him to get the work done, give or take. My baby is due in seven weeks.

Also, being pregnant, I'm fighting every day with my shitty health insurance company, and my doctor's office who does not want to work with my insurance company, and trying to get my application for Medicaid to go through but they are making me jump through every hoop, be on hold for hours, go to local offices and wait as their system crashes, accuse me of not reporting my pregnancy on the application because they simply didn't read it, then gave me forms for my employer to fill out which, because my employer is a paranoid lunatic, he is reading every line with his lawyer a hundred times before he will sign something as simple as a form proving that I am employed, and acknowledging that I soon will not be.

And speaking of my employer, because he is a sexist dick, he will not provide maternity leave, and when I told him I was pregnant his first response was that I should look for a different job before I start to show, even though I have been faithfully working for him for five and a half years. Then, he began fighting with me because he wanted to add a bunch of physical labor heavy shit to my duties and I told him I can't because, you know, pregnant, and he accused me of coasting because he simply did not want to hire anyone to replace our last kennel tech and expected me to pick it up in spite of having my manager duties and being super hugely pregnant, so now it's just a given that I will not be returning to work once I have the baby.

On top of all that, I have gestational diabetes due to this baby, so I can't eat any sugars or breads or pastas but because of other pregnancy risks I also can't eat lunchmeat or beef or eggs that isn't cooked to death or anything else I can think of besides carrots and lettuce, but because I don't have a kitchen, I can't cook or prep anything healthy. I also have carpal tunnel in both wrists, also pregnancy related, and can't pick up so much as my dumb cat without shooting pain. Then there's the pain from standing, and also the pain from sitting, but I can't lie down too much either.

And - which should be good news - I was accepted into the largest comic convention in Florida that should hopefully bring in a good amount of money to help with the joblessness and the baby, but it is HUGE, busy, at a venue two hours away, and mere weeks before my due date, so now I have to book a hotel, go through the box city that is our house to get all my art stuff ready to go, research hospitals near the convention center in case the kid comes unexpectedly, and order hundreds of dollars in supplies.

Oh and my bank account got hacked into for the third time.

If anyone read all this, thank you and I'm sorry. It just helps to write it all out. I just want to be excited to have a baby, and spend time getting ready to have him in our lives, but our lives have been such a gigantic screaming mess. I have never been so stressed. Sometimes I do not have it in me to be a sturdy oak tree.

[shanie]

Hiii Shanie! (is that what I should call you? 🤔) I'm the guest from ao3 that sent you that long ass comment 😆😅

Just wanted to start of by saying how extremely sweet it was of you to do this and also how much I appreciated you taking the time out not once but twice to write back! Tbh yes my dumbass did not realise what "noodle incident" meant till you explained it so thank you for that 😊 clearly I'm a bit new to all of this. 😅

Honestly I'm extremely late to the party. I discovered zowens only a little after they won their tag titles last year. I had no idea who they were before that. I took a break from wrestling for about 13 years and only got back into it by accident because of Sami, then Kevin, then zowens. I was switching channels and stubbled upon zowens who happened to be on screen at the time.

So I've had to go back and do a bit of digging and now and then I'll find something that everyone already knew about yearsss ago 🙄😂 and I'll get all excited over it, but everyone else has already been there done that 😂 (also absolutely no one I know likes wrestling or really even knows about it 😭)

I know I've missed out on a LOT with these two (their "glory days") 😭 and I get only glimpses of the past here and there, but I guess as they say better late than never 😁 So I'm enjoying your stories so so much. It's pretty incredible the way you write and the journey you take us on through it.

Ta

🐨

PS. the draft this week..zowens..😌

Hello again, nonnie! 

Glad you could make it! 

I was hoping to hear from you. This mess of business with AO3. Bleh. Hope they get it straightened out soon. 

First off, don’t feel bad for not knowing what “noodle incident” meant. I don’t know if a ton of people do these days. TV Tropes as a website has sort of fallen into obscurity in the past decade or so and that’s where I got the term from. Looking it up, the definition on the site (found HERE) apparently comes from Calvin and Hobbes. Of note: The way I use the term isn’t exactly correct because I have explained the pneumonia incident a little, and will do so in upcoming writing more, but I use the term improperly anyway because it makes sense to me. 

Regardless, stay tuned for more info about the pneumonia incident!  I will warn you though, the current story it’s being written into, “Never Say Goodbye”, is VERY dark. I’m probably going to have to up the rating on it. I use my writing as therapy and I’m going through some stuff right now, so this is how it is manifesting. Hope this doesn’t make you or anyone else hate me, but just know that writing it is helping me cope with my pain and getting me to a better place. 

So yeah. Forgive me. 

Second, don’t feel bad about just discovering Zowens in 2023. Some of the best people just discovered Zowens in 2023! I don’t know how much of last year you’ve managed to see but there is a fair amount of stuff just between summer of 2022 and fall of 2023 that is epic. If you haven’t gotten to explore it yet, I recommend starting HERE. It’s an episode of The KO Show from back in May of 2022 that planted the seeds of the entire Zowens storyline that would go on to them becoming tag champions. That said, as another video reference, that episode of the KO Show would actually be followed up on in August 2022 to properly start the storyline... in a post-show segment after Smackdown in Montreal. Finding video of that post-show segment can be difficult, but HERE is a fan video that has most of the encounter, minus the section that involved Matt Riddle (and the Zowens hug he spurs on) 

Really though, if I had to offer some key highlights, just in WWE, I’d recommend the last ten minutes or so of NXT’s R-Evolution PPV, their match at Battleground 2016 (DEFINITELY Key viewing), The very end of Hell In A Cell 2017 (and the Zowens segment from the next episode of Smackdown), the 10/31/2020 episode of Talking Smack, The leadup and immediate aftermath of their WrestleMania 37 match, the clips I linked above from May and August 2022, Royal Rumble 2023 main event (OMG THAT), and most of all, the ENTIRTY of the 3/17/23 episode of Smackdown which, telling you now, as a Zowens shipper was like a friggin fever dream the night it happened. Cannot understate how that was some Joker Origin Story stuff that night, but the payoff was AMAZING.  

All that said? Like Kevin said at WrestleMania 37. They met, at this point, almost 22 years ago, and the journey has been nuts. If you want a good, easy-to-absorb rundown of those 22 years or so, I highly recommend Mithen’s substack Ring the Bell. It has so much information that starts from the beginning and goes step by step along the path. They’re writing a book too! Keep an eye out for that. 

Anyway, it’s great to see you here and if you need any more tips about how to dig further into the story, let me know. I know you said “Their glory days” but the truth is, in their own words, they’re “Destined to do this forever” and the glory days aren’t over yet. The story has been going on for over 2 decades but it hasn’t ended yet and I don’t believe it ever will. The Sami and Kevin show, and by extension, The Kevin Steen and El Generico show, will never end. 

Over 20 years and counting.  Long live Zowens/Steenerico 

Enjoy the ride. 

[rooklinensinker]

THIS IS BY NO MEANS GOOD

I'm just one of those people that...

*cringe*

write songs to vent about things. I usually forget about them which is kinda sad honestly. But looking at them piled up, I realised "oh damn i have a tumblr and nobody cares if you're cringe on tumblr!" so i decided to post them here if not just to keep them safe somewhere.

Like it or not, I'm kinda proud that I made something.

Sometimes that itself is enough to make me feel better about things.

I've always had trouble with either executive dysfunction or just not being able to balance time. But because work is a duty I couldn't just take my mind off it, even when I did nothing for days on end. I wouldn't do basic chores because I needed to do this first. But I never moved. And then the deadlines would come and I'd panic and break down again. And then I'd work all at once, not eating nor resting until I could finally catch up. I never did. Even when my work was finished it never felt like the race truly was. Even now, years later, I feel the same. It's maddening like you're not truly growing up, if such a thing is even real. Because you keep having the same problems over and over.

Anyways, here's a song about working.

Lyrics:

I hunger no longer cuz the longer I hunger

The more I forget I exist

Something always feels so amiss

Let's not think about this, there's no time

The longer I try to focus, the more my brain just tries to escape

Why am I stuck in this place?

Wish I could send myself into space.

Building my castle of trash with the moths as my witness

Can't think of future or past

Cuz that shit's too serious

I do not know the time or date but I know my deadline's soon

I cannot afford to eat

till I finish this one bit

I may stay awake till I hallucinate

But isn't this just the creative process?

All my friends can do it so I guess

that makes me just that ✨useless✨

I may faint and dissociate

But at least I gotta stay awake

I am working right now

I am working somehow

And it's working working working

Next morning I wake up and it leaves me stunned

My work looks like shit and needs to be redone

That was not in the plan. Fuck!

"What do I care? Let me just sleep!"

...

Sleeping feels so tiring

So is being alive, weeping in the shower

I promised this would be the last time

but I can never keep it.

My nose bleeds and head aches.

I'm aware of all my mistakes.

Procrastination raised the stakes

which is why I keep working working working

I may complain

"Hustle the pain away"

"There's bigger fish in the sea"

That's what I aim to be

But I'm drowning drowning drowning

--------space for a lil mental breakdown------------

Why feed a machine that doesn't work?

So I work to eat, but I can't think anymore

I work till my eyes give up seeing

I work so I forget my own being

Everybody seems like a fucking prodigy

while I'm wasting my time being good ol' mediocre me

If I can't keep up, I'll be left in their dust

----- more mentally ill activity---------

Work is done...

Yay! 🎉

I can take the day off today. ☺️

✨And proceed to do nothing for the next 5 months!👀✨

...

I can't do anything but think I should be working.

"Why have fun, when I should be working?"

"You're gonna die so don't ask why and start working!"

Leave my mark in the market of labour

My only worth is the work you savour

I hope it's worth it so I better get working.

....

Why ain't I working? working working

I have to keep working working working

I can't move but I need to keep working working working

I'll die if I'm not working working working

paralysed from my work, but I need to get working

I'm too tired to work yet I can't forget

that I should be working.

Guess what I should be doing right now 😃✨

[mcalhenwrites]

So in preparation for moving, I'm going through all my stuff. I have a donation box, I have stuff I need to mail people (esp if I can get to some WIPs of gifts I have)... It's a bit overwhelming, bc health is so bad that getting everything done is hard. (That's also why I started packing last week. I know I can't do it at once with my low spoons.)

The elephant was made for a friend but I haven't talked to him in a long while (we just fell out of touch) and the poor thing is homeless, and this baby blanket continues to be unsold. I really wish I could place them somewhere and actually make some money (which would help, bc moving + S&H of some of the gifts I want to finish and send). But yeah. (Also, I hate etsy, I only use it to shop, and a lot of the artists I was buying from are begging for people to use their shops from their own websites due to the cut etsy takes these days. I don't have resources or web know-how, so... yeah. Whatever. haha.) Also, I miss my gremlin cat, she fucked up these (seahorse is mine iirc, but she got the cat charm's ear)... I really think the cat charm isn't too bad, maybe it could have a home someday too.

Then there's my collection of shit that I just... have either finished or is nearly finished or just needs a little more work?

I don't remember what stitch I was even USING on that baby blanket. The bunny just needs sewn. (Hate.) Same with the fucking pumpkin, that square bit of orange ombre. XD ACE FLAG TURTLE... That was supposed to be for a friend. Appa??? (I have yet to watch Avatar, meant to and never did, but I THINK that's the name) TEEPO (for myself) (I might be able to salvage it?) Um... Tikki from Miraculous Butterfly bc I wanted to make her, but never fucking finished... A PIG? A BUNNY? DUMPLING? CAT? I don't know. It's a fucking graveyard. This is only a dent in my WIPs, bc I still have Willow, Tessa, Lester (all OCs)... I packed Tessa and Lester away though. They'll wait till after the move. I want Willow done... if I can settle on his design finally LOL I also found a friend who runs a studio who'll take a bit of yarn I don't want off my hands. (Same one that Appa??? is meant for, actually, so maybe I can send it all together???) AND I FOUND IGNIS I WILL FINISH HIM FOR LATT I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I WILL NOT LET THAT POOR MAN GO UNFINISHED (plus he can be sent with other stuff) And I know I have a sore spot about people always interacting with my crochet but ignoring my writing especially when I said, "I'm quitting crochet bc of fibro and to focus on my writing" and people reacted badly to the news, as if I wasn't posting shit like this years before I quit:

Yeah. Not sad that's behind me. ;A; Especially when I'm posting stuff like this and still wholly feel this sentiment:

And never had time to do it. And it felt like no one cared, and only recently does it feel like finally people do want my writing. IDK it's painful. It's a mess. I don't know if I can easily go back to crochet. If I do, I have to be so fucking careful to never fall into this pit, and I honestly am anxious about this post bc it's clear I do want to make gifts... but that attracted so many bad characters into my life. The free pattern demands, the free gift demands, some people being one week into trying to be my friend and thinking they're being crafty sending me amigurumi pictures of their favorite characters and going "I wish I had this" COOL GO LEARN TO CROCHET :) And people seeing what I did and never even commenting on my work, just going "pattern?!" or going "how did you do such and such and such" as if I am an instructor with all the free time in the world.

So that's why I only post OCs, and why I have told people not to share their gifts if they do get them... or to just simply not credit me if they post them. Do not leave a trail back to me. XD So yeah, weird history with crochet, but... maybe I'll get some OCs done after I clear stuff out. Focus on myself, bc I never do, despite saying I will. I seldom make myself the things I want to. And it's my time, materials, and spoons! Also, no, if I finish stuff, I'm not posting images unless it is OC related, unless it's a rare time like now that I'm okay with displaying a few projects. Which is nearly never. I have my writing back. I'm still depressed af, but mental health is still tons better bc I stopped guilting myself that my writing time needed to be crochet time. I missed it so bad. Not crying bc I am relieved, nope. :') (I'm crying.)

[misery-has-no-company-now]

Chapter 1 of "The Hidden Hurts Less"

Heyyy so I know I said I'll make fics for some other hcs first, but this idea came to me in a rare bout of inspiration. We were discussing some stuff in our history class (not really related to Oppenheimer, just a part of our course) and I realised that New Mexico would have actually been the first victim of an atomic bomb, and no one would have ever experienced such pain before; so I decided to write that.

Also, for the record, I'm not exactly hating on Gov in this fic. People who've seen my replies to stuff know I love him too, especially as Con. But that doesn't mean he didn't do some pretty messed up stuff as well, and though I'm not sure how good I am at it, I've done my best to make this from New Mexico's perspective - so whatever is written about Gov is from his view.

I really felt like writing not just the aftermath of atomic testing, but also how the states might have felt the first time it happened in their land. I was actually trying to make this entire fic at once, before I realised I could break it down into chapters; so here's the first part. We can use some New Mexico angst on this site, so this chapter is about him being in pain and confused as to what he is going through ): He's mostly alone in this chapter, except in the part where he remembers stuff from the past, so that is the only place where there are dialogues really. There will be more in the next chapter once I write it. He'll learn what is happening to his land in the next chapter I guess. This one was a little slow I know but I've collected at least 14 pages of research and I don't intend for it to go to waste so this will definitely be a multi-chapter fic.

I'm new to writing fanfics so I think I'll make it clear that I am open to constructive criticism, just don't be rude. I also am yet to proofread this, but I suppose I'll do it once get around to putting it on Ao3 as well, after I write all the tags and everything. Till then, I'll leave this here for you guys.

The Hidden Hurts Less

New Mexico felt sick the moment he woke up. His entire body was burning; with the raging inferno in his lungs so strong that had he not been in as much agony as he was, he might just have believed he could breathe out fire. 

He peered through his ablaze eyes to check the time. 05:29 A.M. Whatever could be happening at this time in the early morning? Was Gov up to something in his land? Even if he was, he couldn’t have sensed it anyway. He didn’t quite know why - or how - but he never could detect the presence of the personification of the country he was a part of, whether it was as a territory of Spain, a province of Mexico, or now as a state of USA; although he wasn’t sure if Gov was the personification of the federal government or the country. 

He tried to focus on where it hurt, attempting to recognise what his land and his people were going through. A fleeting moment of relief passed through him when he realised that a massacre of his natives was not occurring at the moment. The genocide had been cold, devoid of any warmth, and with a more freezing chill than any winter he had ever experienced in his dry terrain. It had felt as if his skin was cut in several places as all the blood drained out of him and his heart beat slowed with the disappearance of his people. This was far different from that. Right now, his heart was racing faster than it ever had. Faster than the speed of the plane when North Carolina took all the states and territories on a flight. He didn’t feel like he was losing blood, but rather as if all his blood vessels would explode with an insurgence of the same. 

Whatever he was experiencing now was the scorching pain of being set on fire, rather than the piercing sensation of losing his people. He was distinctly glad the latter was not the current case; the Navajo Nation had suffered enough. Uptil now, seeing her ache had hurt him more than anything else. Yet this new pain, one he had never gone through before, made him wish he was dead. He had thought he would die many times in his immortal life; during a plethora of national disasters and wars. But never had he been in such a situation that he hoped something or someone would kill him. His chest felt like it was tearing apart, not into two as the Dakota territory had in 1889, but into multiple fragments like how someone would rip a piece of paper they were ashamed of. And then stamp on it apparently; since soon after, he could feel a huge pressure on his stomach, making him fall to the floor - a movement followed by a powerful wave of dizziness which fabricated black and purple spots in this vision, nearly causing him to pass out.

He shut his eyes and stayed there, kneeling near his bed, till his head no longer spun to the extent that he might faint. The moment he gained the courage to reopen them, he discerned from the corner of his eyes a bright light flash across the sky; and then another sharp pain in his head, which felt like it was being stabbed multiple times from the inside. He’d only ever known New York and New Jersey to describe having such  ‘migraines’, as they had called it. He had attributed it to them being old though. He didn’t understand why his head hurt that way. Or why there seemed to be a portal about to open to heaven. Or why he was in so much pain. Or why anyone was doing anything to even cause him this much suffering at this time of the day. Or why…he continued to panic till his spiral made him nauseous. 

He tried to distract himself instead of thinking about what hurt. He’d never undergone such a situation before, so he wouldn’t be able to understand what was happening on his own anyway. The only way to get an answer - he figured, from the hazy fog that blurred his usually alert sense of logic - was to find out where the pain was coming from, and go there to see what happened. 

With this delirious thinking, he forced himself up, ignoring the screams as every moment inflicted more torture upon his beaten-down body. Was he the one screaming, or was that just the loud ringing in his ears? The moment he paid attention to that, the high-pitched resounding hum subsided; only to be replaced with the thunderous, deafening boom of an explosion. He felt it come from somewhere south of Los Alamos. 

Los Alamos. The place had just been a remote location in the mountainous regions of the northern parts of his state for a long time, until Gov approached him one day - with a shady as ever demeanour only further heightened by the need for secrecy in this war - to explain that he would be using this piece of land for a ‘strictly confidential’ mission he had to carry out. New Mexico had, of course, argued about this. Well, at least he tried to. Gov had successfully managed to shut him up by saying it was for Hawaii, as payback for what took place in Pearl Harbour. Personally, New Mexico knew of a lot of other ways to compensate her for those bombings, but he chose to keep his mouth shut, deciding it would not bode well for him to anger Gov right now, especially during these times when the steel glint in his pale grey eyes was so conspicuous. He’d heard enough stories from the states defeated in the Civil War to know better. Alaska taught him not to provoke a sleeping bear. Texas taught him not to agitate an already aggrieved Gov. 

So he’d let Gov use his land. He didn’t exactly have a choice in that anyway. His options weren’t ‘yes’ or ‘no’. He had to take a pick between ‘peacefully permit’ and ‘via force’. He never got to know what it was that Gov was doing in this area. He only ever received one answer, which remained unchanged despite the variety in his questions. 

“Why Los Alamos?”

“That’s classified.”

“What do you need my land for?”

“That’s classified.”

“What are you doing with all that plutomin you’re mining?”

“That’s classified.”

“Why are there so many people entering this place?”

“That’s classified.”

“What do you even think will happen if I might learn something?!”

“...That’s classified.”

New Mexico had never felt as violent tendencies as he did when speaking with Gov.  He kept reminding himself that he was doing this for Hawaii. That he was tolerating Gov so that their country could have a better chance of winning the war they only recently joined. Punching that shady Fed in the face would only provide a short-term bliss. It wouldn’t really help anyone, least of all him.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but worry about what Gov might have done today, with the unknown pain being worse than he had ever imagined hell to be. He had to go and check what happened. His people were more important than any fear he might have of disobeying Gov, who had firmly told him to stay out and away from that site. But he didn’t actually have to go to Los Alamos though. He could feel the thuds of a bomb at least 200 miles away from there. He had no restrictions for going to that area. As his anxiety about what the new agony was caused said pain to mildly fade into the background, he teleported to the place he felt it from; and though he had no idea what to expect, nothing he could ever have envisaged would have helped him prepare for what he would soon learn.

[magic-hcs]

Hayo first time asking (as far as I can remember...) and I've never done one of these matches before so I'm down to give it a try and roll the dice 🎲

Let's lay some basic information down with bullet points

-I'm biromantic and asexual (meaning I'm romantically attracted to both men and women but have a very low libedo)

- I've taken multiple quizzes on soul traits, cause let's be real they're fun and 8 times out of 10 I've gotten justice so that's my metaphorical soul trait

- I look good in dress shirts

- I eat a lot

- I'm short (5'3)

- I have both black hair and black eyes

- I'm white (who would have guessed)

- I wear green clothes except for one yellow/brown outfit that a wear for Job interviews

- and finally I would wear rings over necklaces any day, they're just easier to wear

So to continue with my personality I'm on the jokester spectrum, pranks aren't my Forte and neither of puns but I'll say the most out of pocket things that'll catch you of guard and have you rolling, I'm adaptable to people around me so I can mesh with other groups but with complete strangers im a bit shy. When I dislike someone (which mostly happens if the the do something that rubs me the wrong way) I will hold a grudge and it could last years, and finally I have a bad habit of bitting off more then I can chew and then choking as I chew it anyway

Moving on to hobbies after that mouthful, I have a wide variety of randoms I pick up, to mention a few, crochet, sewing, embroider, slideshows, art, coding, baking (I made a fire cheescake), cooking, writing, Pottery, reading I think you get the idea, oh wait, can't forgot mythology (particularly Chinese mythology). You should go to the next paragraph before I take up more of your time-

For my likes I am an avid enjoyed of all things fruit, in particular berries, my favorite being raspberries which are especially good frozen. I love the sky, particularly clouds and stars, my favorite weather is when the clouds are defined in shape and the sun breaks patches through it. Fall is a good season for me as I thrive in cold temperatures, half my friends are convinced I'm cold blooded since my skin is frozen all the time. On the opposite spectrum I like fire, fireworks, hot meals (LASAGNA, hibachi, lo mein and pot stickers) Rollercoasters, fairy lights and dystopia movies and literature.

Finally moving on to dislikes, don't worry it's almost over. I despise sand, it gets everywhere and is a pain in the butt to clean up. I hate it when people act entitled to something or act pompous, and when people make a huge scene in confronting the person in a white knight way, it just rubs me the wrong way.

The end

If you read through all of this gabblygook I commend you on your perseverance so feel free to take your time with this. I'm completely ok with multiple matches and wouldn't mind some polyamory so go as nuts as your creative brain desires

I really like how you did your matchup essay! It’s very creative and fun to read!

~~matching…~~matching~….~matching~~…~DING~

You match really well with Syrup!

✨✨

(US Papyrus) Syrup:

Syrup is a jokester true and through, loves to send you memes and funny jokes and gets excited to find out your reactions. Your out of pocket comments are the highlight of his day.

Hope you don’t mind lots of snuggles and cuddles throughout the day the further you get into your relationship. Syrup is a very touchy boy. Even though you wouldn’t think so when you first meet him and at the start of getting to know him. He’s a bit distant in the beginning but as you get closer he both gets more sand more open and touchy till one day he’s just practically a koala clinging to you. (Not really, but you get what I mean.)

This is also a funny thing, one moment he’s sticking to you like glue and the next he’s retreating to his skeleton cave room for some alone time.

Another funny thing. This boy has no problem hugging, snuggling and touching you but the moment you initiate something he’s a flustered mess. It’s downright precious.

The both of you are in the ‘hold a grudge for a long ass time’ squad. Though Syrup is a bit more petty in that regard. Sometimes you’ll have to put him straight.

(Syrup just because the guy in front of you took the last blueberry ice cream, it’s still no reason to give them the stink eye.)

Hope you don’t mind damsel catching, treating minor injuries or are good at untying stuff, because Syrup is one clumsy boy. He trips over air out of nowhere - don’t worry, Syrup isn’t all that heavy when catching him so no need to be worried about your back - blurts out sentences that aren’t completely English or are a combination of multiple things (for example when he tried to say ‘waffle’ and ‘pancake’ and ended up saying with a serious expression; “do ya still have those waffalapacake?”) He forgets the door wasn’t open and walks straight into it, or gets his clothes or headphone cords stuck/tied up with anything and everything.

Syrup will deadass joke/pun whenever you catch him when he trips. It’s to deflect that’s he’s very flustered because, oh stars you’re so close and, OH STARS YOU’RE HOLDING HIM VERY INTIMATELY, BE STILL HIS SOUL.

One of those jokes is definitely this one : “heh, can’t help falling for you, eh?”

Syrup is in awe at the amount of hobbies you have, whenever he’s just laying around he likes to watch you do your things. It’s just so calming to watch and he loves seeing the process of unfinished creations getting finished. It’s just so fascinating. He will boast about you to his friends and brothers. This is the law. He is just so proud of you and finds you so cool. He once asked you to teach him pottery and he blushes everytime you touch him to guide and teach him how to do it.

You two share your experiences, opinions, advice and tips on coding with each other and help each other out when one of you is stuck. Syrup is very happy he has someone he can geek out with about coding and electronics other than Undyne.

Loves and I mean loves listening to you ramble about Chinese mythology. He loves learning about other cultures and their folklore. You two will definitely bounce off random mythological facts and tales off of each other.

Syrup is not a fan of real life fireworks because it’s so loud, but watching them on a screen is more his style. When he found out you liked fireworks he researched how to make some, so be ready to be surprised by some magic infused fireworks as gifts every now and again. (They don’t leave waste behind nor are very loud or dangerous, so win win.)

Stargazing definitely becomes a thing for you two, Syrup is able to name a few constellations but not many. He knows for example the Puppis and Mensa. And yes exactly for the reasons you’re thinking of. What can I say, Syrup sometimes has a childish sense of humor.

Syrup isn’t one to make a huge scene, he’d rather solve stuff behind the scenes. He doesn’t like having the spotlight on him in a situation. So you’ll be fighting your own battles most of the time, with only a little magic interference from Syrup if it’s getting out of hand.

✨✨

I hope you enjoyed your matchup!

[fumblingmusings]

Do you have any music that you associate with characters when you write or in general?

My music taste is objectively bad I hope you know. I like Eurovision and K-Pop (BEFORE IT WAS 'COOL' I HAVE STANNED GIRLS GENERATION SINCE 2011 GET ON MY LEVEL BTS ARMIES OR WHOMSTEVER) so my choices are... bad. Basic. Melodramatic. Problematic? Another adjective ending in tic.

So uh. Music. You can guess if you like which songs refer to whom. I think many of them are generic enough to span many nations at one point or another. They're all far more dramatic than canon I can say that much. :|

Melanie Martinez - Void

Pipe down with the noise, I cannot bear my sorrow / I hate who I was before / I fear I won't live to see the day tomorrow / Someone tell me if this is Hell / I gotta escape that void / There is no other choice, yeah / Tryna turn down the voices / The void ate me / Look at the mess I've done / There is nowhere to run, yeah / Holding a loaded gun / The void / Like a priest behind confession walls, I judge myself / Kneeling on a metal grater / Bloody, like a body that has died and it's myself / Tangled in my own intestines

Konata x Generdyn - Fight Back

Nah, this ain't hate speech, this is faith preached / This is Shakespeare mixed with Banksy / This is screaming out until you can't breath / This is I don't care how long it takes me, yeah (I don’t care) / 'Cause I know freedom reigns here / Already overcame fear / So if I wanna see it then I gotta be / Imma be the change (Yeah) / I'm defiant, I rise in a crisis, I know what the price is, I'll show 'em what a fight is / I'm the leader of the pack / I'm here, where you at? / Set the flame light a match / I will fight back

Rina Sawayama - Holy Til You Let Me Go

Tried to pray the pain away / Just like you taught me (But something had changed) / Came to shelter from the blame / But I left taking all the shame / Oh, you saw a light starting to shine / Wanted it only for your eyes / Older and wise, God on your side / I was the martyr who paid for your life / I was innocent when you said I was evil / I took your stones and I built a cathedral / Found my peace when I lost my religion / All these years I wished I was different / But, oh, no, now I know / I’m holy till you let me go

Chelsea Wolfe - The Waves Have Come

Creation was the only word that made you feel you never were / An endless hope is all it was and holding sacred all were / And don't forsake the way we were and don't tell me you never would / And we don't need physical things to make us feel and make us dream / When earth cracks open and swallows then / We'll never be tired again / And we'll be given everything the moment we realize we're not in control / And all you know gets older when the sun goes down and everything / Begins to fade away the waves have come and taken you to sea / Never to return to me

Lana del Rey - National Anthem

It's a love story for the new age / For the six-page, we're on a quick, sick rampage / Winin' and dinin', drinkin' and drivin', excessive buyin' / Overdose and dyin' on our drugs and our love / And our dreams and our rage / Blurrin' the lines between real and the fake / Dark and lonely, I need somebody to hold me / He will do very well, I can tell, I can tell / Keep me safe in his Bell Tower Hotel / Money is the anthem of success / So put on mascara and your party dress / I'm your national anthem, boy put your hands up / Give me a standing ovation / Boy, you have landed, babe, in the land of / Sweetness and danger, queen of Saigon

Marina - Immortal

I wanna be immortal like a god in the sky / I wanna be a silk flower like I'm never gonna die /I wanna live forever, forever in your heart / And we'll always be together from the end to the start / That's what we do it for, to reserve a place / It's just another part of the human race / That's what we do if for, to reserve a space / In history it's just part of the human race, race / I'm forever chasing after time but everybody dies, dies / If I could buy forever at a price, I would buy it twice, twice / But if the Earth ends in fire and the seas are frozen in time / There'll be just one survivor, he memory that I was yours and you were mine

Loreen - Under Ytan

I often think about you / As if you were my own brother / I have changed too / Into a merciless monster / When I see all the evil / That we, as human beings, have unleashed / The senseless suffering / Then I find it harder to understand / That we all were children once / And we all were helpless once / We loved without limits / We loved unconditionally / Under the surface / We're all small / Under the surface / A good soul can be lost

[thorne1435]

You're all disgusting pedos and you should stay away from kids. Normal people would have a problem with men, dressed in frocks and lipstick and go to the female bathroom. You literally have no reason to complain when half the society is lifting you up unfortunately for your bullshit by giving you opportunities which you Don't deserve in women sports. Just because you're a weak man afraid to stand up for yourself and are insecure of who you are, you bitch about your life and expects special treatment? The ban on your freakish trans rights was something good and effective after all, Kentucky did something good. When straight people even SAY something regarding the trans community, you get all defensive and bitch about it till no end and you have the audacity to even go as far as attacking us in mobs! Don't even get me started on those disgusting drag queens, they're fucking pedos and exposing such vile parts of their body needs to be categorized as child abuse. HOW are you okay with a grown adult flashing their privates at your children? That's legit disgusting and creepy and messed up. Fucking kill yourself disgusting groomer, you'll be doing everyone a favor 🙄 maybe then people won't get tired of your incessant whining and bitching

Hey dude, chill. Like, I can see what you're trying to do, but you're doing too much, so none of it's working.

You're trying to get me emotional so that when you tell me to kill myself at the end, I'll be caught up in the negativity and I'll go for it impulsively. But that's not gonna work if you can't at least write a coherent sentence. I need really solid logic to start doom-spiraling, or at least solid logic from my perspective. And uh, from the look of it, I don't think you can pull it off, yourself.

Like, okay, did you ever stop to think about why or how a transgender woman would be offended by you saying she was a "weak man"? Like, I'm not even a man, I don't care if I'm "weak" by masculine standards. You're full of shit either way though because I don't know what you could possibly mean by "afraid to stand up for yourself." I'm doing something that gets me hate like this and I've pretty consistently clapped back, even when it wasn't that funny. I'm doing it right now! Is this not standing up for myself? And I still accept Anon Asks, because you guys have yet to damage my self-esteem.

Anyway, I've never taken part in or encouraged the brigading of any TERF or transphobe ever. And I never would! That's not how my brain works. I feel sorry for you all, I talked about that pretty recently, because I understand that your mindset comes from a place of pain that I was in myself for years. And unlike you, when I see people who are doing something gross I think how miserable they must be and how I can help fix that problem. Even when I know I can't! So, yeah, even a cursory glance at my blog would've done you some good here.

I've never gotten special treatment in my life, or at least not for being trans. I live in rural Kentucky, and I feel like I've said that more than once, so...y'know, again, you could've figured that one out pretty easily. But anyway, it just means I'm scared in public. Do you think the MAGA-hats and Yee-Yees out here drop rose petals at my feet when they clock me and tell me how brave and noble I am for wanting tits? If I said anything too fag-y to the wrong one, they'd just pull out their conceal carry and fucking kill me. That's not even basic knowledge of me, that's just basic knowledge of the political climate.

Also, I don't care about sports. I never have and I never will, I don't think they should be played on a professional level at all, so even if we are ruining women's sports (which nobody watches), I...don't give a shit. I feel like I've said this more than once, so I really am just appalled.

Also, I don't care about drag, I never have and I never will. Though, I must give you some credit here, I haven't talked about that one before, because I'm not, like, militantly apathetic, I'm just apathetic.

I don't think it should be banned but also I'm never going to go to a drag show ever. To me, banning it is kind of like banning the opera, if that makes sense. Like, not everyone likes it, some people find it or the people who enjoy it irritating, but usually it's just not for those people. It would be kind of self-absorbed to label it "immoral" though.

I guess I shouldn't be too offended, but I'm only really offended in the first place that you didn't bother to get to know your mark. Am I somehow worth harassing yet not worth the effort of doing it right? Come on, man. Give me a little respect here. If not for me, then for the love of the craft.

You're never going to pierce my cynicism without cyberstalking me and saying something brutal and devastating based on the oversharing I've done. Give that a shot next time, I know you can do it. It'll be rough, you'll have to think really hard, but I believe in you, and I can't wait to see what you come up with Angry-Drunk Anon

[princessraptor]

So with all the siatica pain and real life being complicated in some regards I decided to stop trying to push myself to update twice a week. Like sure it was nice when I could, but it makes me feel a lot less pressured and I guess it's working since I'm now working on chapter 93 (Jon is Never to be Allowed to do Anything without Adult Supervision Ever Again, yes I am proud of the title) and just feel more chill.

Which is good cause whew boy is chapter 92 something. Gonna need a lot of content warnings for that bad boy. Took a couple days to get through writing the panic attack scene, and a lot of laying in my bed thinking back to my unmedicated days and going "bitch you lived like this???"

At least the chapter before it is fun. For me if no one else, cause I get to use one of my OCs that I love and is A Mess. My bestie who looks over my stories to make sure they make sense also got a kick out of seeing him. As a rule i dont like having OCs being a major part of my stories, but I feel statement givers (which is sorta what that was?) are an exception. It's weird, I don't really mind it in other stories I've read, but I always worry people won't like any OCs I make so I just keep them away from stories i post on AO3

But overall I'm really happy with chapter 91, and I think 92 is good too though I havent given it a read over (and its a bit of a monster compaired to normal chapter length).

I'm also alternating between working on that and chapter 4/5 of Statement Addiction. IDK why I always end up working on two chapters of that one at the same time, maybe the diffrent format between chapters? Though I am almost done with chapter 4, just need to add another nightmare. I'm trying to decide if I should wait till its done to start posting, that was nice with The Whole Beholding Thing. At the very least maybe I should wait till I'm halfway through before adding more?

And I've been sorta working on the Elias POV Cattastrophy one. Slowly.