#and I wrote an essay I am so sorry </3

[benetnvsch]

Hi I'm making a kunikidazai playlist, do you have any kunikidazai song recommendations?

Ps i love your kunikida and dazai dogies!

aaaah wait this is so fun ?? Huge to Me that ur coming to me for knkdz song recs ahh im flattered *stares at u with my big ol eyes*

unfortunately, I have like... No Taste in Songs and all the songs I like which I think 'fit them' are for very specific reasons that Probably Only exist to me but shhh- it'll try my best to share them in a way that makes sense and u can give them a listen if u want or just ignore them ahah :'')

Anyway - here's some songs that have made me think of kunikidazai when listening to but they get more and more obscure/inaccurate (might just be me taking an opportunity to talk about songs I like... whoops)!!

Adding a break cuz it's long ahah

1. Worst Case Scenario- The Hoosiers

This song to me is such a one to the other song, can be either knkd or dz addressing it to the other - both kind of criticizing each other's lives and how they behave but genuinely wishing the other to be better

2. Icarus - Bastille

Similar to the last one, feels like it could easily be a one to the other song but where they're more just aggressively concerned for each other's lives (Dazai w/Kunikida and his ideals and Kunikida with Dazai and his suicidal tendencies and both of them with their self-sacrificing tendencies (knkd and the helicopter and dz in the elevator))

3. Remains- Bastille/Rag n'Bone Man, Skunk Anansie

Another Bastille song,, this one is closer to an actual love song KDJFHKFJh but uhh,, it's a nice lil tune about always loving each other, even after death- even if not getting along always and that kind of just makes me think of knkdz (55 minutes knkdz specifically bc they do die (for a bit) together there)

(Also poet by Bastille is the Kunikida song ever if ur interested in just knkd)

4. Stranger- Covey

had to sneak a covey song in somewhere ahah- feel like this one would be more of a Dazai POV one just Not Feeling good enough for Kunikida's partnership (work, platonic, romantic or otherwise) esp when his past was still kept secret from him

5. New Face- James

This one's strange but here me out... It's Dazai's entrance Exam Kunikida POV coded to me- Been wanting to make an edit with this to the entrance exam stage play for forever

extra lyric,, that is vaguely also kunisaki to me ehehe

6. Cornflower Blue - Flower Face

This whole Song is SO Knkdz to me,, romance but in some strange morbid-is way with foreboding dark undertones and the constant threat of losing the other ahah

7. Garamond - Arm's Length

Garamond feels like another realistic KNKDZ song where it's... Not The Best Relationship but they're trying and are both dedicated to each other but it's still somewhat destructive/self sacrificing so idk??

8. Chateau Lobby #4 (in C for Two Virgins) - Father John Misty

This might be one of my favorite romantic songs of all time and so I just had to find a way to connect it to KNKDZ ahah- but? I like to view it as maybe?? them both trying to find a Normal relationship in another and just experiencing actual like,, healthy romance,, but this I feel?? would kinda be not accurate to canon and represent perhaps more of an idealized version of knkdz </3

but yeah, these two lyrics specifically remind me of them,, the first one would be from kunikida's pov as has always made me think of his plan of waiting till a certain age to date/get married/etc. and the idea that falling in love with Dazai would change how he views that and the second would be from Dazai's pov when they actually get together

Anyway - you probably didn't ask for such a long response and I'm sorry for rambling I just really like music ahah kdhj-

[rpgchoices]

tw for abuse

So I tried to break up with Wyll and refuse his romantic dance and ask him about the tadpole, but why is the game SO CRUEL WITH ASTARION?

Like, if you want him to use the astral tadpole he straight up says no, So you can have a wisdom or intimidation check (if you fail them he is going to break up with you and be so mad).

But basically the wisdom check is trying to use one of his old memories (the worst possible memory) against him to remind him he is too weak, and he needs power if he wants to stay safe.

The intimidation is literally using his self hatred against him. If you play with the vampire lord ending you can break up with him and tell him you preferred him as he was, and he is shocked because he was "pathetic"

The thing is, to soften him/get the good ending (chosen by him without persuation checks) I think you need him to accept that he is who he is, and he is okay as he is. Coincidentially, trying to talk him out of the Cazador ritual is so insightful, both here in the video (this is before you get attacked by the other spawns) and later (after you get attacked) you have some options/dialogues about how he is so different now, he is not like "them"/his old pathetic self anymore.

This is the other post-attack dialogue:

When I played friendship Astarion, the most interesting part post ritual was the dev literally spells it out:

In the crypt you also find a book about Cazador's master and the rules he made for Cazador, and the abuse Cazador suffered before killing his master in revenge.

And of course:

[yuri-is-online]

I can get why yutus so afraid of azul. He's heard a hundred stories about a suave, smug, but clingy octopus and then he meets him and hes this possessive little swinderler who's trying to get him to sell his soul to him and fuck his parent lmao

referencing the tags on this ask about this au

Tako Yutu didn't have the easiest time as a kid.

He was a chubby little thing raised by a single parent who didn't have the clearest memories of his father, or of their past at all really. I wrote Yuu and Yutu as being a sort of outcasts in the community because people thought they were strange, and were skeptical of Yuu's amnesia. Azul! Yutu was really bothered by that, much like his dad he got bullied and sought solace in books, but unlike him Yuu decided to enroll Yutu in some martial arts classes and hey. He was pretty good at those, his submission holds are real bad news, even won him some competitions. But he's not some muscle head even if he sort of looks like one (he didn't really drop his baby weight so much as he did bulk up) so when he gets his first real look at his father... everything in him is screaming that this guy is sketchy. He knows that Azul and the twins are watching him even if he can't see it outright and to make matters worse, when he asks his parent about him they make a face. A face Yutu knows well that he thought was reserved for the annoying nosy couple who lived next door to you and not his father. His father who Yuu's few memories had made sound wonderful; his father who was supposedly talented and hard working, smart and proud of it, but so desperately in love with his parent they still longed for him with broken memories in a completely different world. His father who Yuu had said he was so much like.

"He's not a bad guy." Yuu says and Grim huffs.

"Don't listen to them Henchuman 2." Yutu has no idea how he feels about Grim calling him that. "Azul's reeeeeeeal bad news. If he's interested in ya' it can only mean one thing, he's after your tuna and he's after your magic."

"That's two things." A smooth voice says at the same time he does and for once, Yutu sees surprise on Azul's face when he tries to make eye contact and not carefully calculated confidence.

"Well they do say great minds think alike." His father says and extends a hand. "But I must say you didn't strike me as the shy type, it is Yutu right?" The way he says it, the way he shakes his hand, Yutu knows he at least suspects him. So he smiles and makes sure to make his handshake just a touch too firm when he responds.

"That's right." Yutu is impressed that Azul doesn't flinch even slightly when he pulls back his hand, if anything his little action makes his smile wider. "And not so much shy as just curious and knowing better than to poke my nose where it doesn't belong."

"Not until you've asked anyway." Azul really isn't content with letting him remain ambiguous, he thinks nervously glancing back to Yuu. "But still there really is no need to bother the prefect over such trivial things, if you have questions about me you can just pay me a visit at the Mostro Lounge. My door is always open to poor unfortunate souls such as yourself." Azul smiles at him and adjusts his glasses and Yutu is... impressed even if the thought of being alone with this man terrifies him. But he's going to have to be eventually, Azul really wants to talk to him for some reason and Yutu finds himself wondering if he's going to find it possible to lie, or just what price he will be expected to pay to have the privilege of keeping his secrets.

But when he looks at the way Azul talks to Yuu... he isn't sure if he likes it but he does find it funny. Azul is so horrendously down bad and Yuu is so unaware of it (there's a part of him that thinks Azul might be a little bit jealous of him which he finds really funny). And Yutu understands why Yuu likes Azul so much. He is everything they remembered him being: smart, ambitious, and motivated. It makes him a little more secure in his existence even if he doubts that Azul will like having a son like him. But that's ok too because a son like him is exactly what's needed to make sure his parents get to stay together in this timeline.

now if only he can convince him to stop bugging him for his real name

[djsangos]

//who are THESE fresh squids?? (made here)

okay these guys might not get a mention on this blog for a while- if ever- so i'm gonna talk about them now bc i've been rotating them in my mind for a while

these are captain's siblings! the ones they left behind when they were 14 to run away to inkopolis. captain certainly isn't proud of leaving them behind at ALL, in fact the one thing they wish they'd done differently is taking them with them, even if it would've been damn near impossible to take care of 2 younger siblings all on their own away from home when they were already struggling to take care of themself. they have no idea how their siblings fared with their neglectful ass father after they left, but pierce (right) was only a year or 2 younger than them, so they hoped he'd be able to leave soon too- taking harper (left) with him

so yeah harper (left) i think is probably around 16 or 17 now, having been 7 or 8 when captain left. since she was pretty young she didn't really know exactly why they left, and they didn't tell her either, so i'd say she probably resents them for it. she's a hotheaded edgy teen, classic rebel, you know the deal.

and then there's pierce (right), who's around 21 or 22 now, so he would've been 12 or 13 when they left. even if they didn't say a word to him before packing their bags and hopping a train at the asscrack of dawn, he knows exactly why they did. because being a kid and not only growing up, but having to parent your 2 younger siblings in your father's place, is hard. he basically had to take on their role as caretaker of harper when they left, being the second oldest, and that's how he realized. he doesn't resent them exactly, but he does wish they'd at least said goodbye. he's an outwardly chipper guy, and puts on a brave face even at the worst of times.

and they both did eventually get out of that house- pierce didn't leave as soon as he turned 14 like captain did (though cod, he wanted to) but when harper was old enough to be left home alone he got a job and saved up what he could to get himself and his younger sister out of there. and then when harper was 12 and he was 17, he got them both out of there. they might have gone somewhere else first, but i wanna say they probably ended up in splatsville, living in an apartment together with pierce doing what he can to support harper through school, and she does some turfing herself to help with rent and save up her own money so she can get her own place eventually.

i feel like the reason they probably haven't run into captain is that captain lives in inkopolis and only really goes to splatsville to visit rookie, and the last time they saw their siblings, neither of them were fully transformed yet, and they aren't so easy to recognize anymore themself. so if they've happened to pass each other on the street, it'd take more than just a cursory glance to realize just who they're passing. so it could definitely, and likely will, happen eventually. who's to say.

[eggtqrt]

fahrenheit 451 i never finished but it was a GOOD BOOK

OMG FAHRENHEIT 451 WAS LIKE MY FAVORITE HIGH SCHOOL BOOK will never forget that ray bradbury predicted airpods

[lifemod17]

thoughts on 'Unaired EP'

IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-

below the cut in case you don't want spoilers <3

Nobody's Soldier

THE FUCKIN FALSETTO IS DRIVING ME INSANE ITS LIKE HE LACED THIS SONG WITH CRACK

"Benzos and gasoline" line is WILD (it is so hot for no reason wtf Andrew)

the little break that happens at 1:43 with. i don't even know what that is? like a sort of distorted / reverbed guitar bend / riff? either way, LOVE THAT.

also lets give it up one time for the organ, that is SO GNARLY, YOU CANNOT DENY IT!!!

hearing the live version vs. this recorded one is different, I literally went "OMFG WHAT IS THIS PART" starting at 2:53 when he gets all whisper-y WHY IS IT SO HOT

Listen man, I am a sucker for a good pause, and that pause after the bridge has me UNWELL.

SLOWING IT DOWN for the ending will never not be iconic. you don't see that happening a lot!

the intake of breath on the outro??!! tumblr user lifemod17 is NOT FARING WELL

July

so full of hope and promise and really just about having that thing or that someone to look forward to. The definition of "postpone that funeral"

THE SYNTHS??? FORGIVE HIM FATHER FOR HE HAS SYNTH!!!

"JUST KNOWING THAT'S GETTING ME THROUGH"?!?!?!? I wanna throw up. that is a Tonee-ass line. yeah 'July' is DEFINITELY taking the crown. This is my favorite from the EP.

i WAS right! he says 'prada' because it just made so much sense with the 'wore me out' line.

the whole second half had me in SHAMBLES. the lyrics were already insane but also throw in his soft voice mixed with the FUNKY & GROOVY beat?? I fear it is so over for me (I was genuinely screaming into a pillow and needed to sit down even though I was already sat and also I didn't know what to do with my person so I was just laying there and looking up at the ceiling while fighting off tears. I was SHOOK.)

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and makes me want to roll downhill a field and pick flowers to give to strangers

Have I mentioned the pen game? Because it is on level 9000. His pen was on fire when he has writing this

B A S S O U T R O GOT ME ACTING TF UP

That You Are

I was not expecting the lyrics to be "that I'd be anywhere that you are". im sorry but that is devastatingly beautiful and rips my heart out brb sobbing

my wig quietly and peacefully ascended from my head.

it's a lot more raw, production wise. the vocals aren't super clean, but I actually really like it this way!!! it makes the song that much more precious, gentle, intimate

Bedouine's vocals NEVER DISAPPOINTS!! She always has a way of transporting you with her music- makes you feel like you're floating above water

I needed to sautee the yearning for this one, its so pretty but hits you right in the feels

The fact that this is speculated to be the contender for the spot of 'I, Carrion (Icarian)' I'M GONNA CRY AGAIN Andrew please do an EP breakdown cuz I need to know!

that little instrumental interlude towards the bridge is so lovely and the entire song really! I think they did a good job of splitting the vibe 50/50 <- I say this because I listen to Bedouine a lot and the vibe of her songs is definitely here. it just really shows that they both wrote this together. its not a feature, its a collab

We're all gonna cry and then afterwards we're all gonna hug cuz this song just inflicted so much emotional damage upon all of us

[kohakhearts]

goh parentified child syndrome. go(h)

my time is here at last. thank you for enabling me <3 apologies for taking months to finish writing this giant post!

welcome to my dissertation on this fucking Dynamic <3

ok! first thing, let's establish our criteria for Parentified Child Syndrome. this is obviously not like, an actual diagnostic Thing, but there are a million and one articles out there for us to look through. so i did the tough work of scouring those to find some Symptoms we can use as anchor points here. a lot of this is split into "emotional" (parents seeking comfort from their children, rather than comforting them) vs. "material" (parents assigning their children responsibilities that are not age-appropriate (e.g. grocery shopping, paying bills, etc.)) needs, but for simplicity i'll just merge them together - because realistically, they often go hand-in-hand. so the primary symptoms we'll work with here will be:

disruptive childhood behaviours (particularly at school)

stress and anxiety

reluctance to participate in play/age-appropriate activities with their peers

difficulty acknowledging and accepting one's feelings

insecure attachment styles

need to feel "in control"

distrustful of others/self-reliant to a fault

absenteeism and poor performance in school

passive communication style

the other obvious prerequesite here is the family dynamic. so let's dissect that one a bit!

goh's family situation isn't actually like...100% clear. but i have analyzed every episode where his family is even mentioned like it's my full-time job and i have no reason to believe his grandmother actually lives with him. so in the scope of this essay, i am assuming that she lives nearby, and most likely has a key to the apartment, but does not live with them.

otherwise, we are given enough context to assume that camille and walker have been busy with work goh's entire life (though i'd choose to believe for my own sanity that in his infancy his mother at least wasn't working...though given the type of job she has, that's actually...kinda hard to say for sure). we can also assume that they've at least been self-employed for the majority of his life. it's clear that they are fairly well-established in the city/in their field by jn, and since goh is supposed to be 10 at this point, it makes sense to me that they've been building that company up pretty much his whole life.

in terms of the work they do, goh tells ash, my dad is a system engineer and my mom is a programmer. they run a company together. granted, we don't see very much of their actual workplace, but what we do see is completely void of other people. as in, camille and walker do all this work BY THEMSELVES.

nothing in the anime otherwise disputes this! if anything, goh's explanations of his parents' lifestyle just reinforces it. he also suggests that during periods of harsh weather and heavy system use, his parents are busier than usual. this implies that they are most busy during holidays. this is actually further implied by the flashback in jn015 where they explicitly say to him that they're sorry for having to work through the holiday. his reaction, being completely unengaged, not even really even acknowledging it, tells us that this is the norm.

however!! he also shows off a special device to horace in jn032 that he says his parents made specifically for him, to help him learn more about mew. this suggests that they must have some amount of free time to dedicate to him...but they show their love for him through material gifts related to their line of work (his computer set-up, too; he tells scorbunny that his parents set it all up for him).

otherwise, we see camille and walker privately share their concerns about goh (a clear awareness that he doesn't have many friends, concern about him being lonely because of them, etc.) but never actually confront goh with their concerns or appear to go out of their ways to do anything about it. i wrote a bit about this and the symbolism of having him catch a cubone of all pokemon in the episode we're introduced to his family here but the tl;dr is that camille and walker demonstrate care for goh to each other but not to him - presumably to compensate for their physical absence, we get the impression he's given a lot of freedom and little to no discipline.

which brings me to the first criterion:

disruptive childhood behaviours (with a side of absenteeism, which presumably contributes to poor performance in school)

goh's school life is obviously inconvienent to the plot progression, so for narrative purposes the writers have him just not go to school. in jn049 we get the explanation that goh had made a promise to their teacher to show up to school for tests...but the weird thing about this scene is that chloe's surprised by it:

since in jn001 and jn002 we see that chloe is goh's only point of contact amongst his schoolmates and that she hand delivers schoolwork to him at her dad's lab, the only way this exchange really makes sense to me is if it's a new arrangement. even the fact that goh makes a point of saying "hey, i followed through, go me" to their teacher here gives that vibe.

so, we can extrapolate from that that...prior to whenever this agreement was made, goh just didn't go to school because he didn't want to. but given how schools operate, we can pretty safely assume his parents are aware of this. and i have strong reason to believe that they have at least been on the receiving end of phone calls from teachers or administrators, because of these lines from jn015:

all things considered, this is a weird assumption to make, especially about your hyper-independent introverted child...unless there's a history of disruptive or unfriendly behaviour to inform that assumption. and based on goh's behaviour in jn001 at professor oak's pokemon camp, i don't think it's so out there to say the pattern probably was there.

goh is actually a super sweet kid towards his parents and has a clear admiration for them both. even in flashbacks, his whole thing is kind of like...he doesn't want to bother them. they fall asleep on family vacation and don't spend time with him? well, that's fine! he'll just find something else to do! in that same episode in the flashback sequence, they pick him up on the side of the road alone in the pouring rain and he doesn't say a word to them. even though he was angry and upset before.

so, yeah. i think it would make a lot of sense if he were well-behaved at home and not so much so at school. but camille and walker, even when they learn about things that happen, don't seem to probe or discipline him. whether because of any combination of giving him leeway out of guilt or of not wanting to encourage him to act out at home, we don't know. but the disconnect obviously exists.

which then contributes to

stress and anxiety, difficulty acknowleding and accepting one's feelings, and passive communication style

goh is socially awkward, yes, and clearly very anxious socially especially early on in jn, but a lot of that seems to come from an inability to express his wants and needs. i think jn003 has some of the most succinct examples of this - ash having to realize he's struggling and to reach down to him when they're climbing the tower in order for him to even accept that he can get (and needs) help getting up, and then later one when he stumbles over his words trying to ask ash to be his friend.

i think another good example is in jn007, after he gets knocked out at the flute cup. passive communication relies a lot on shifts in body language and in, well, passive statements. when ash approaches him to tell him to cheer up, goh doesn't actually really...respond to that. he does this

and then runs off. which he does fairly often, actually, even as late as jn135. it's emotional avoidance 101. literally just run away from the thing that's bothering you. something else we see in jn135 is him backing out of admitting he wants to go on a journey - because he is concerned about ash's reaction (though i think it's a little more complex than that, but i'll circle back to that).

and of course there's jn062, which i wrote a lot about in this post. but the whole thesis of the episode is that goh has learned through his relationships up to this point that it's okay to not understand your feelings but you still have to feel them. and it's actually a really beautiful character development moment for him, but also reinforces the fact that he still doesn't know how to grapple with his own emotions. after finally finding drizzile and explaining how he knew he would find it there, he starts to cry and doesn't know why. but even aside from feeling vulnerable, it's kind of a culmination of this stress he's been carrying with him throughout the whole episode...and the sense of responsibility he feels for driving drizzile away. which is a great segue into

insecure attachment styles and need to feel "in control"

if there's one thing i feel like people sleep on regarding goh's character, it's how much of a mother hen he is. he's obviously very thorough and thoughtful when it comes to looking after his pokemon - as in jn062 where he spends all that time chasing down drizzile after it runs away, even to the point of telling ash and chloe that they should stay behind because it's getting late but that he's going to keep looking - but he's the same way with ash.

off the top of my head, things like buying extra scones because he knew ash would want them, making ash wash his hands after eating ice cream, chastising him about punctuality, you know...very parental kind of things. he actually does it with horace too, when they first meet, by bringing a lunch for them both when he goes back to the forest to meet him again.

anyway, being a Mom Friend is cute and all, but it also REEKS of parentified child. taking on responsibilities that aren't yours to fulfill? yeah. that's a need to feel in control. it's what he's used to! it offers him security!

the other side of this is...chloe. goh's first friend, who he refuses to consider a friend, or let consider him a friend. but, like, she obviously IS his friend. and yet our introduction to them gives us this exchange

goh and chloe have a pretty tense relationship at the beginning of jn, wherein she is clearly trying to help him (by you know. getting his homework for him and shit) and he blows her off in a text message, which she complains is a repeating behaviour. chloe is obviously very loyal to him, even though he doesn't seem to repay the favour. again, there's a big disconnect here.

insecure attachments generally stem from anxiety over potential rejection and/or poor self-esteem cultivated in childhood based on parents’ emotional availability (or lack thereof) to their children. by keeping chloe an arm's distance away, goh keeps himself safe from the dangers of vulnerability, taught to him through childhood encounters with emotionally unavailable parents.

i'm not here to armchair diagnose (ok, who am i kidding, yeah i am), but i think goh's attachment style is anxious-avoidant. his clear avoidance of making friends, the multiple times we see him break off his friendship with ash only to minutes later be like "me and the bestie"...yeah, that's avoidance. but he does crave intimacy, arguably even more than he fears it.

hence why even though he knows ash would want him to journey on his own...he still convinces himself that actually telling ash that would be, as he calls it, a "betrayal of [their] friendship." my theory is that he's not concerned that ash will be upset - he's concerned that ash won't be upset enough. which is why when then ash turns it around on him and says he's going on a journey, goh gets upset and pushes him away. he does the exact same thing with horace when they're younger. just a complete 180 - he wronged me once, so he's the worst and i can't forgive him, ever.

the difference with chloe is that she actually takes care of him more than he takes care of her - which changes the dynamic from "i have to do everything to keep this person in my life, including suppressing my emotions for their sake" to "i cannot express to this person that i have needs and desires because they'll think i'm too much and they won't stick around if i do." which is primarily avoidant, but insecure attachment nonetheless.

this is extrapolation, but i think his relationship with chloe is so different because we are supposed to get the sense that they have a more familial dynamic. so, she's the one person he can't push away from him - but as he learned in his actual family dynamic, he also can't be too close to her. he doesn't want to be smothered; he doesn't want her to feel smothered by him. so they maintain a degree of separation that only begins to go away after her father begins literally housing and feeding him, thus integrating him and ash into their family in some honorary way.

which brings me to the last point, i guess, which is

reluctance to participate in age-appropriate activities with peers and self-reliant to a fault

these are, i think, the traits that jn is most blatantly attempting to better in goh throughout his arc. so i won't spend too long hashing it out, because i think these are things we all know he struggled with!

in flashbacks, we see him alone at school; during the first episode, at professor oak's camp, he is always physically distanced from the other kids and chloe even points out that he's basically doing professor oak's job at one point! he's not on the same level as the other kids and it's clear he doesn't want to be. when he meets horace, we see that it takes him some time to get comfortable enough with him to go explore the forest together and become friends.

he doesn't go to school, but that doesn't mean he isn't learning things - he becomes a very self-directed learner early on, from what he see. he's not just like...rotting in his room playing video games. he's studying and researching. the only times aside from with horace that we see him in a flashback doing something that isn't solitary is with pokemon - and even then, he's like...reciting their pokedex entries. his abra story at the end of jn is precipitated by him saying he was going through his dad's old pokedex (which is a whole other thing - this implies walker used to be a trainer, but neither of goh's parents seem to have pokemon...perhaps they're too busy with work to look after them? a theory for another time, i suppose, but it has undeniably being gnawing at my brain since that episode aired lol).

and of course, there's the fact that in jn062 he tells drizzile he was never comfortable with confiding in his parents or his grandmother...suggesting that he never confided in anyone, because we don't really get the sense from the whole "i don't NEED friends" exchange in jn001 that he considers chloe a reliable confidant, either.

the other place we see his flawed sense of self-reliance, aside from like...everywhere in the first 10 or so episodes, lol (something that is reflected pretty beautifully and symbolically in scorbunny's story, too!), is in project mew. he has to learn how to work in a team - and he clearly hates it. at this point he's found one person to rely on, but that already feels like too much. the raid battle with articuno is the most obvious example of this. he isn't good at being a leader, but he also isn't good at being a follower. because he's only ever been responsible for himself, and he doesn't trust anyone else to know how to direct him, but he also has no clue how to work within the parameters of a team.

i also want to say, as a final note, that i actually think this is all extremely intentional writing. obviously in the west we have a strong capitalism culture too, but the work culture in japan is very toxic (just google "japan work culture" and you can see right away how intense it is lol) and i'm not actually surprised at all that pokemon would make such a direct commentary on that - a lot of japanese kids could probably relate to goh and his emotionally absent, work-obsessed parents! they are clearly pretty well-off, but their dedication to work supercedes matters of home and family, because that's how it's supposed to be. as a result, goh admires them a lot for this dedication - but his arc is primarily about letting go of the "work" part of interacting with pokemon and learning how to have fun and make the most of his experiences. and i think that's a really lovely message for modern pokemon to be sending to kids :')

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

ok so ive been rewatching psychoville and saw on the wikipedia that there were a bunch of websites made for the series (they were all written by reece and steve btw) which i've been looking through cos they are genuinely SO fucking funny & also just amazingly creative lol!

anyway i know people in the fandom probs already know about this (since the show came out literally 15 years ago pfft) but i thought i'd share some of my fav bits (but honestly would just recommend just checking them out if you haven't i have been crying with laughter for literally hours lol)

i will say that a lot of the media (videos, games, etc) no longer work on the archived sites rip but i'm sure people have uploaded some of the stuff (vids especially) to yt or other places lol

so a) i love that we get some background stuff on jelly and 2) 'captain CRACKERS' bernie clifton's dressing room reference question mark ??????? (ofc bcdr was AFTER this but i know love the idea that mr jelly trained under len pfft)

what that red raw stump do though 👀 (sorry pfffft)

mr jolly's website wasn't that interesting soz tho i did like him comparing being a doctor to being a clown lol

the comment about fag bears did make me wheeze i'm afraid lol i also loved the blurry photos of lomax's commodities lol (kinda reminded me of the bit in tlog w/ that terrible old photographer guy lol)

when i tell you i DIED with laughter at the 'now known as hull' bit like u just know reece wrote that bit pfft

not really a funny thing but this poem written by david honestly kinda breaks my heart lol... i think it also a lot of additional context to david's guilt when he thought he'd killed his father(faver) because perhaps he felt guilty about NOT feeling guilty you get me? like, it felt to me that when maureen told david it was SHE who killed her husband, it didn't feel like he was mad at her for doing it, but more that she kept the fact from him. it's about... the mutual oedipus-coded obsession with one another that couldn't even be destroyed in death and in this essay i will....

ghoul_lass23 is just like me but about tumblr lol fr

nothing feels more cursed than the phrases 'the river minge has burst its banks', 'crying creamy tears' and 'fleshy rapunzel' (which i've just noticed they misspelt lol... don't think that was intentional lol?) so if i had to read this so do you <3

the way that i kinda wish this actually existed tho pfft... also, it does kinda remind me of that video where jenny nicholson talked about that insane reality show 'opposite worlds' lol

'cross between seven and glee' is honestly sending me pfft

also on this part there was a script from stinkfinger (which is a show mentioned on the show) which sounded suspiciously like a reference to tlc lol

the less said about swastknickers the better

(will say i did nearly piss myself laughing at the nazi section of the hoity toity website lol which wasn't a sentence i thought i'd type today lol)

i just love these kinds of jokes pfft

also the whole biography sections of each of the pantomime cast are fab lol tho i AM kinda pissed they made debbie from yeovil and yet didn't give her a west country accent lol!!! (i guess they thought it'd be a bit much w/ joy being bristolian but i'm still mad about it lol)

also i know people have probably already pointed this out but i do find it funny that brian in the in9 episode last night of the proms is a closeted gay guy who likes watching drag was probably a reference to brian in this show that was a drag queen like... is anything these guys do NOT a reference??? u know those gaylor fans who obsessively look for clues in her songs about her apparent secret sexuality? all i'm saying is that i think they'd really like the extended reece shearsmith & steve pemberton universe pfft

all three of these made me cry with laughter lol

ohh this is interesting lol so obviously they suspected that some people might be all 'um why didn't the sprinklers go off during the fire at ravenhill? plot hole much!' so they wrote this into one of the websites so they could be like SEE! WE'RE ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU DUMBASSES lol

both the jeremy kyle reference (remember when that was a thing? yikes... my mum used to watch his show CONSTANTLY...) and nurse kenshington's thoughts on david and maureen are interesting lol.. also there's a reference to the serial killer top trumps in this bit lol! (do people still play top trumps?? man i LOVED top trumps lol...)

the entire sunnyvale care home section is so fucking funny (both the website AND in the show lol mrs wren/mrs ladybird face is unironically probably my favourite character on the entire show) these were just some of my fav gags lol...

ok but why is this the SECOND reference to a guy punching a child who was apparently looking at his dick lol!??!! did this happen to one of you ??!!?!? reece did you punch a child ??!???!?!??

&&&& that's it lol

there were a few websites i didn't spend long on or generally weren't that interesting (coughmidgetgemscough) but honestly? i was really captivated with just how funny and well put together all these sites were! you can tell they had a lot of fun making it and i'm sure fans at the time LOVED being able to have this semi-interactive element of the show lol

there was just something so wonderfully late 00's about these websites lol i genuinely don't think i've laughed this much at anything in literal months and all of this is just solidifies that psychoville is a criminally under-appreciated masterpiece lol

[lxvebun]

whisper of the heart pt II

bun's notes: I'm really glad you guys enjoyed the first one so much :3 hopefully you will like this one as well.

synopsis: Genshin boys voicelines about you!

content:Alhaitham/Kazuha/Thoma/Cyno x gender neutral reader (so they/them prns used) in this series, their vision is in tune with their emotions, part one explains it the best. Cyno was incredibly difficult i'm sorry if it sucks shsjsjs. Eng is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes!

Part one

Alhaitham

About y/n:

"y/n and I go a long way back. They are a very intelligent, kind, and creative person. We studied under the same masters. Academic rivals? I wouldn't go as far as to say we were rivals per se, but the occasional competition between who got the highest score on an essay wasn’t out of the ordinary. Who won? Well, our scores wouldn't differ much at all actually. Even to the decimal, we usually got the same. When they asked our masters how such different essays could receive the same score. According to our masters, it seemed I lacked creativity in my writing, as they overdid the creative aspect. The masters words, not mine. Although I’ve read hundreds of books and essays in my life already, none could compare to the way y/n wrote theirs"

About vision:

"Unlike other people, I’d say I have decent control over my emotional elemental power, it at least doesn’t manifest in an obnoxious physical sense. That said, as much as I try to control it, the light of my vision starts to flicker and flutter to the rhythm of my heartbeat. So you can imagine the light show that starts once y/n enters my view *sigh* They think it’s, and I quote, "Adorable"...I suppose that makes it alright"

About relationship:

"Hah, You’re surprised I'm in a relationship? While It’s true that I don’t appear as the most approachable person out there, not that I mind, even I am not immune to love… While there’s no scientific proof out there that soulmates exist, against all logical sense, I’d like to believe y/n and I are."

Thoma

About y/n:

You haven't met y/n? Oh, they’re such a sweetheart! such a kind and inspirational soul. I’m sure you’ve seen them run around Inazuma City or Ritou before. They have the prettiest eyes and the most lovely smile. they run a lot of errands and help with general activities and festivals. In their free time, they usually help me out with housekeeping or acompany me to the market. You’re surprised I'm talking so lovingly of them? Well, of course, I would, they are my partner after all"

About vision:

"sigh I’ve had to switch to steel handle brooms instead of the normal wooden ones. It happened one too many times that I would be sweeping the floors and y/n would come up to me, resulting in small waves of fire to flutter around... Let’s just say, I’m glad my Lord has a hydro vision.

About meet cute!:

y/n and I both share a love for animals, I actually met them while they were nursing a bird back to its strength, the poor thing was still young and completely soaked because of the heavy thunderstorms. Word went around they were caring for it and I decided to take a look and see if they needed help, little did I know that I would be meeting the love of my life. We routinely feed the stray dogs and cats together when we’re both free:)"

Kazuha

About y/n:

" I was able to sense their presence in the wind long before I met them. A fragment of my soulmate in the form of a warm summer breeze, bearing the scent of roses and those familiar mapel leaves. As much as I wanted to follow it, I was still a wanted man after all. I couldn’t just return to Inazuma, no matter how much my heart cried for it.

At that time I started to keep a journal on what I was doing, what I was thinking of, and where in Teyvat I was whenever the wind carried them to me, So I could show it to them when we did finally meet. I never had the chance to finish that journal because our paths crossed sooner than I expected. Apparently, just as the wind carried them to me, it did the same for them. Fate has an interesting way of bringing people together. From the moment I stood face to face with them, I knew who they were and by the sparkle in their eye and the way they immediately rushed into my arms, I can guess it was the same for them. We’ve been wandering together ever since"

About vision:

"I’m well aware of how visions respond to your emotions. I don’t actively try to fight it, In a way, i think it’s quite romantic how my vision responds to seeing y/n by sending a breeze through their hair or twirling flower petals around them. They don’t seem to mind either"

About love language:

"From the moment y/n and I met, we decided to travel together. With every step we took, we got to know each other better, and with every rest under the starry night sky, our relationship grew stronger. They love nature as much as I do, and while I show my adoration for it in poems and music, they show their appreciation in colorful paintings and sketches. If we ever run out of paper on the road, I’m not against them using my arms as a canvas, the same way they allow me to ink love poems onto their skin. That way it doesn’t matter how far apart we are, we wear our love for each other on our skin

Cyno

About y/n:

"y/n? The fact that they are my partner is not something I tell many people, but since we are so close, yes, they are. They joined the forest rangers a while ago, I met them when I dropped of some books from the Akademiya Tighnari needed. And while I gave them to Tighnari, I decided it was a good time to tell my new joke…..Tighnari did not find it amusing, but y/n did. To this day, their laughs are still the sweetest melody I've heard, and I'm fortunate to hear them every day through my excellent jokes.

About vision:

"Please, don’t bring that up, I still feel bad about it. I didn’t know my vision would respond so strongly……fine, the first time y/n and I held hands, I got so...flustered I accidentally send a small shock wave where our hands intertwined. They weren’t hurt, but I still feel bad about it. It hasn’t stopped them from holding me though, I’m glad about that

About TCG:

"y/n and I are both quite the genius invokation tcg players, and the more rounds we play the more....energetic we get. Let's just say that Puspa cafe does have a noise limit....

For my birthday they got me a beautiful commissioned card with artwork of us on it. Having it around has become a good luck charm for me. I always keep it on the very top of my deck.

Thank you for reading angels!

[nightcolorz]

I stumbled on your blog and i love it sm!!

Its so weird, because i am a huge Marius fan, and you put many reasons why he is my absolute favorite character as things why he SUCKS! Its so cool to me, to read something so accurate and then have someone put out a completely different opinion on it! (i do not think he is Good, none of them are. But i think he is cool, his better qualities resonate with me the most of all the characters, i love lore, and i love reading about him the most)

There are few things, that i do not understand and it bothers me endlessly! I just can't figure out where some readings come from, very sinserely (because i want to respect other readings and interpretations), maybe you could help me understand?

First: that Marius dislikes being challenged and tries to "keep Armand to himself"(generalizing) - as i read it, Marius prefers people who challenge him, can stand up to him. All of his paramours are like that - Pandora, Bianca, Armand, Lestat, Daniel..even Botticelli actively defy him, in a way other characters don't and Marius himself is vocal on that being something he admires about them. He does not know how to deal with that, oh no, but he loves it - the fire he himself does not possess. He also actively helps Armand learn about his culture and family, ready to be left behind when they visit Kievan Rus. He also never shows any type of concern about Armands "daytime" personal connections. As i remember, he encourages it decpite objections, actually.. My personal reading is that most drama and abuse between Marius and Armand is about Marius refusing the codependency Armand desperatly wants. (and them being oppisitely unhealthy about that)

Second: there is a notion, that Marius would not want Armand to grow up? And i do not understand where it comes from at all... Marius actively states (and thinks) that his own wish is to see Armand grown into a Man and he refuses time and time again to turn him before then (or to turn him at all) , until Armand is on the deaths door. (i also saw a thing about shaving, but all of them are shaved before the turning as an old ritual, canonically, i believe, only Santino is unshaved so. I might be wrong tho lol. One of canon reasons (again, if my memories are not faulty) - facial and body hair might go in and out of style, so clean shave helps them blend in better)

I you would spare some time to let me understand where those come from i would be forever grateful, because i sometimes think i am blind (and i might be! Thats why i ask. I am a bit scared that i might be percieved in bad faith, but if i have a blindspot i will not see it myself, so getting outside help is the only way haha)

I hope you have a great day! Thnx for the very least reading my ask!

(this is going to be slightly shorter then I initially wanted it to be bcus I wrote a whole essay and tumblr DELETED IT, so I’m so sorry ur going to get a condescend version of my thoughts 😰 I hope they still make sense, anyways)

Thank u sm anon ur so nice omg 🥹❤️ it makes me so happy that u like my blog!!! Don’t worry at all about coming off as bad faith u only come off as respectful and curious to me. I’m going to answer ur questions the best I can! 🙏

I think that the reason a lot of my Marius posts seem to contradict parts of canon is bcus Marius is a very self contradictory character. His wants are often in conflict with each other, and in his relationship with Armand he is always warring between conflicting desires.

First: I definitely agree that Marius seeks out people who challenge him and does rlly enjoy it (to an extent lol). but the way I perceive it, marius likes to be challenged *to an extent*. He doesn’t want a partner who will be weak and docile with him, he wants a partner he’ll need to fight into being docile and he wants to loose that fight<3.He prefers someone with some fire in them, clearly, based on his choice of lovers lol. And I think this is bcus Marius likes the chase, like any vampire. He likes the thrill of being with someone who makes him hurt for it a little bit, he likes fighting and arguing and struggling to stifle a spark he knows is too bright to put out. But also, like most ppl lol, Marius likes to be challenged only so much as he isn’t challenged to the point of having to change himself. He doesn’t want to change his perspective, whenever a partner of his gets him to rethink how he thinks or acts he tends to get rlly mad. He wants to be challenged as long as it’s fun, if he’s uncomfortable or feeling like he might actually adopt a new perspective or change as a person he puts a stop to it. At the end of the day he needs that teacher and student or master and subordinate dynamic to stay in tact. He likes to be challenged but he doesn’t like to be weakened or caught off guard in anyway that makes him question his authority or his strength.

When it comes to Marius helping Armand rediscover his culture, yas! This actually is a good transition bcus this is also a good example of what I’m talking about when it comes to the being challenged thing. Marius is happy and eager to help Armand heal from the demons of his past by rediscovering the family and culture hes forgotten, so long as Armand is obedient and answering to his call at the end of the day. Marius is happy to be left on the sidelines, up until armand starts disregarding his authority and moving away from him on his own path. After coming home from Kiev Armand realizes that he doesn’t gain anything from learning from Marius and he would rather learn on his own by discovering himself and processing what this new culture means to him. And Marius let’s him have this, until he realizes that he’s loosing his control over Amadeo and he is not going to come back to him without a push, and he beats the absolute shit out of him 😭 again, challenged to an extent.

Second: when marius first buys Armand he explains in blood and gold that part of why he chose Armand was bcus he wanted a vampire companion in Bianca, but he felt too guilty to turn Bianca bcus she was a bright young woman with a future ahead of her, so he chose Armand to be his future vampire companion instead bcus Armand was broken enough to not have a chance of a future anyway (therefore turning him is guilt free). Then, marius learns very quickly that Armand could easily have a future just as bright as Bianca, once he’s under his care he starts to prosper, and he realizes that turning him into a vampire would be equally as cruel as turning Bianca. So his motive changes, and he decides that his desire to turn Armand is wrong and he should instead give him the chance to live a full human life just like any of the other boys. Marius wants this bcus he knows that it’s the right thing to do, to give up the person he loves for their own good. But it’s also, deep down, not what he wants at all, bcus it agonizes him to think of a future where he doesn’t have Amadeo. So this creates this self contradictory mess, where Marius is aiming both at the same time to turn Armand into a vampire and also to let him live a human life. He starts doing contradictory things, like feeding Armand his blood and exposing him to vampirism + getting him hooked on it, and then sending him out to “experience humanity” bcus that’s what Marius wants for him.

It caused Armand to be driven absolutely insane, bcus he’s being communicated two different things about what Marius wants for his future. I think Marius’s conflicting desire causes part of Armand’s desperate begging for him to turn him. Armand is so fed up with this mind melding conflict he just wants Marius to rip the band aid off and do it 😭 cuz they both know it’s what they both want. And Marius knows that this is the terrible abusive option, and he can’t get Armand to see this bcus Armand is too far deep in his love brain.

So my answer is, Marius wants Armand to grow up bcus he knows that’s what’s best for him, but he continues to hold out on the possibility of vampirism and refuses to cut ties with Armand bcus he rlly does want to turn him against his better judgement, which in my opinion reads as a desire to keep him young, under his control, in that limbo stage where he doesn’t need to make a decision. Partly bcus if Armand is young and compliant and his body isn’t changing the clock isn’t ticking and Marius doesn’t have to confront that his choices r either loose Amadeo or ruin him.

when it comes to the “shaving Armand was part of a vampire ritual” personally I don’t remember that? It’s not that I don’t believe u, that could totally be accurate and it definitely sounds like smth that would be canon, but I’m struggling to remember if I read that and forgot. I’ve always perceived the Marius shaves Armand cuz he wants to preserve his youth thing as accurate bcus it’s interesting and makes sense for the characters and I don’t remember anything that contradicts it lol, I also don’t remember any other character being shaved pre turning as a ritual besides Armand so I didn’t consider if it was a vampire thing. but u could be right and if so oops I’m sorry for spreading misinfo 😭 but either way that’s still gonna be my headcanon and my interpretation is much the same lol

I hope u have a great day anon and find this interesting ❤️ thank u for the ask!

[iamyoursonly]

3AM (29/03/2024)

wrote this at 3am because i had a dream of him and i needed some hallucinations desperately <3 sorry for not posting for so long though, i had so many tests i could barely breathe :(

Late nights but no movie night, I’m just overworking myself, as I sit at the same spot for the 27th hour.

My tired eyes drag across the computer screen, lazy fingers typing the last few words with my keyboard to complete my long due essay. Headphones listening to pop music to keep my mind awake, well the unhealthy amount of caffeine also helped with that.

I take some freshly washed grapes that I previously prepared for myself and put one in my mouth, slowly chewing and getting a taste of how sweet the grapes are. Suddenly, my mind wanders to think of how it would feel like if there was someone to feed me grapes when I’m doing work.

I slap my face and take another sip of my coffee when my mind tries to wander away and think about that ‘homeless romantic’ crap again. I could’ve been doing that if my immature self didn’t choose to become a become a doctor. I just sigh and continue the essay.

Until I couldn’t, and I passed out on the table.

“My love? Are you alright?” A man whispered into my ear, his voice was so hot and addictive though. Complaining would be the last thing I would do honestly. But I had to get up and check who it was.

I open my eyes, slowly getting used to the light at my desk again, only to find the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my whole entire life. He was gorgeous as a greek god that only Zeus had crafted himself. His features as sharp as a knife, and he looked divine.

“Am I hallucinating?” I mumbled, and as if I said it out loud, the man whispered again. “No you’re not, sweetheart.”

Well I better be in heaven for working my butt off completing that stupid essay. Seeing that I’m face to face with this beautiful man, I’m 100% sure I spawned into the correct place after I died. So this is the after life, it’s not even half bad to be honest. Like just look at him, he must be my guardian angel that is on his way to guide me to the staircase to heaven. The staircase will definitely be as gorgeous as his eyes…

“Hello? Darling? Are you still with me?” He says again, and I leaned closer to admire his features. I whisper a soft “Yes, I am.” As I focus on his ocean blue eyes, and before I knew it, I was drowning in that ocean his eyes held. His eyes was blue like a beautiful sunny day, it was that shade of blue that everyone liked, and I couldn’t help but admiring them a little bit too much too.

“Earth to y/n?” He tries yet again, but this time I could just focus on how snowy white his hair was, it was as white as the whitest paint ever made, and it looked so beautiful and silky I couldn’t even describe how much I wanted to run my fingers through his hair.

As if he could read my mind, he grabbed my face and closed the distance between the two of us, and our faces were so close I could feel his breath… He can touch me! And I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I wasn’t. “Sir…?” I choked out, with his face so close to mine, I could barely control my pacing heartbeat, let alone my flushed expression. I could just stare into those captivating eyes of his and think about how beautiful he is… Honestly, even the most beautiful words cannot describe how spectacular he looks.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, and with us this close, I’m definitely not okay.

“May I ask who you are and why you’re here?” I ask, trying to put up a strong face, trying not to show my weak side.

“I’m Gojo Satoru,” he replies swiftly, without hesitation, “And I may come from the future but don’t freak out please. I’ll explain.”

I just look at him, not knowing how to react as my mind had suddenly gone blank from this shocking news. “Time travelling? That’s possible?”

He chuckled as if he knew how I would react, “How old are you, darling?”

“I’m 14.” I tell him, a bit curious about what he will tell me next. “I’m 29.” He tells me, “It’s 2024 right now, right? I was 16 during that time.”

It took quite a long moment of silence for me to process this new idea of time travelling that I never thought would happen in the near future. I just look at him and his smile as he moved away from me. The amount of questions I had started flooding my mind, I had to resist the urge to ask him all at once.

“So you’re in the year 2036?” I ask him, and I got my answer in a second.

“Actually 2037, it’s March right now, right? Well, I was born in December.” He said, with a smile.

“Why are you telling me all this? What do you want from me?” I started blurting out the questions I had in my mind for a while. And he just looked at me. “I just wanted to see if you met me yet, by that I meant my 16 year old self.”

“Huh?” I started to get confused, “What do you mean by that?”

“We’re dating, darling. In the future, and we’re engaged just last month in 2027.” He smiles, looking so happy I could almost know what to anticipate for the future, “You’re definitely the best thing that happened to me, I could see why I chose you as my wife.” I sat there in shock, not knowing the right words to say, but I felt a hot rush of heat on my face, I must’ve been blushing so hard when I heard him say that we will be engaged… I mean engaged with that man? What luck did I have to be able to pull him?!

“When will we start dating, may I ask?” I manage to choke out, and he laughs, making my face blush an even redder tone. Then he puts a finger up to his lips, as if telling me that it’s a secret, “Wait and see, it won’t be fun if I just spoil all the fun.”

His watch suddenly starts beeping really loudly, as if signalling him to go back, and I was right.

“Sorry darling,” he shows me his watch, and it shows that he had a minute left, “It’s time’s up for now, but I’ll see you later.” He just gave me a big hug and then he disappeared into thin air.

I still didn’t know how to react to that chain of information, I just sat still for a long time, so long that I could feel my butt hurting because of that. The wind blowing my curtains away from the touch of the windows, and that woke me up, that cold breeze of wind at night but with just a tiny bit of warmth to bring me the comfort I needed.

As if I needed something cold to continue this thinking, I head down the convenience store, in my silly pyjamas, I needed to get my daily doze of milk at 3am for better thinking. Not thinking that anyone would be there at 3am just like me, but I caught a glance of a tall guy with some snow white hair, and in that instant, I couldn’t stop my body from running towards that isle that he was in.

The tall guy turned to look at me, as I was panting from running so fast towards him, and he stared at me up and down, “Are you okay, miss?” I look at him, and I could see the sparkly ocean blue eyes I’ve just seen a moment before, but this person looked like a mini version of him — that Gojo guy. Even their voice sounded somewhat similar…

“I am, thanks for your concern.” I tell him, and he gave a slight smile before grabbing the last bottle of milk to the counter.

“Hey!” I call out to him, and he turned back to look at me, “What is it?” he says.

“I wanted that bottle too,” I say, a blush starting to creep up on my face, I think that explains the smirk on his face, “It might be weird asking but do you mind sharing?”

He just laughed out loud, breaking the silence in the air, and I just look at him with my blush creeping up my face so much faster than before. “So?” I ask again.

“I’ll just give you the bottle.” He tells me, then he heads to the counter to pay while I can’t even move my legs from embarrassment to stop him from paying for me. I simply stood in shock and waited for his return in the same position. He came back and gave me the bottle, I held onto the bottle tight and I maintained eye contact with him before he started leaving the store with both his hands in his pockets.

“Wait!” I call out, again, and he looks at me, “Would your name be Gojo Satoru?”

He didn’t necessarily respond but he did give just that tiny nod I needed to confirm, then he mouths the words, ‘I’ll see you later.’

master list

[attleboy]

Why do u draw?

oooooooo [rubs hands together] a fun one that probably isn't that deep but i'm going to take way too seriously!

so the short answer is fun, but i can never just say one sentence and be done with it soooo i elaborated and wrote a whole essay below. sorry not sorry

anyway if you didn't want my origin story no shame in that, it's not gonna be on the quiz, just keep scrolling :P

to cover all my bases let me start from the beginning and work my way forward...

i think pretty much all kids draw at least a little just because they can, but the thing that really inspired me to take art seriously was the great abundance of cat animations on youtube in the early 2010s... warrior cats amvs mostly, but also artists like bani the kitty and splashkittyartist! you can really see these inspirations in my early digital art hehehe (see below by attle b. age 8)

from then until about age 14 art was just... my thing? i did it pretty much everyday, probably couldn't have imagined life without it... i think back then my motivations were more inline with your typical social media artist motivations... get better, be seen, and maybe make a career out of it? never made it that far though because ehhhh life has different plans i guess

i fell into an art slump in the middle of high school for a variety of personal reasons i won't get into, and as such i had to give up my dreams of creating art as a job

as sad as that was in the moment, it forced me to change my outlook on the whole ordeal in a way that i think was ultimately healthier for me.

that brought me to where i am now! since i have no goals beyond keeping at it as a hobby, i do it simply because i enjoy the process, the product, and i feel like it lets me connect with my interests in a way i otherwise couldn't.

it's a fun way to express love for the things i care about, and while i still enjoy honing my skills i don't feel the same pressure to be perfect that i used to which is really freeing!!

so in that sense it's intrinsic motivation that makes me draw what i draw... however, the amount of art i put out and the polish i give it is definitely motivated by the eyes i have on me... while i'd still be drawing the same things if no one was watching, i would not be putting nearly as much effort into it, nor would i be doing it as regularly, so i do thank you guys for keeping me on track there <3

that's it i think? i could get into the philosophy of it, but i'll spare you that... okay thank you for letting me yap!!! ^-^

[oddvanilla]

embarrasingly this is all from this week. 💀

your dinner :3?

I just finished watching a video talking about how bad caffeine is. Not for just teens. Like everyone

Because the original caffeine is some white bitter powder that can EASILY be mistaken for cocaine,, and soon caffeine producing companies had to pick roasted coffee beans to not cause suspicions by healthcare organisations that caffeine is drugs or something,, although it DOES work as drugs

And the average adult could only drink 4 cups of coffee a day, or around 2 energy drinks— while a teen can consume HALF that amount (2 cups of coffee and half an energy drink can) so uhm...this REALLY isn't healthy for you because

1) caffeine can stay in your blood system for a REALLY long time. If you drink a huge sized latte at 2 pm, (almost the same amount as caffeine and sugar in an energy drink like monster or red bull), the caffeine will stay in your blood system until 2 AM. and it won't be completely gone, maybe around ~45 mgs will stay there.

2) although caffeine was portrayed as a drink for people who are most productive, the side effects are CRAZY. If you consume energy drinks regularly you're increasing your risk of getting diabetes and/or a heart attack. You're regularly consuming large amounts of sugar and I'm sure you can't burn off those calories quickly, which will eventually... surprise surprise....get you diabetes☹️

3) another horrible side effect is lack of sleep. Yes caffeine will make you wake up for longer, but it will also wake you up in the morning early. Which isn't good as it might interrupt one of the most important and essential stages of your sleep: deep sleep. Aka, a stage where you actually get the rest and restoration. Once you skip that stage, yes you got 7 hours of sleep but you STILL feel tired. So if you sometimes sleep for long hours and feel like you're tired, then you should reduce or even stop your consumption for caffeine. Especially if you consume it a few hours before your sleep time.

OOPS I JUST WROTE AN ESSAY😭😭 ANYWAYZ, YES !!! IT'S my dinner 🤤 SORRY FOR MAKING THIS TOO MUCH LMAOO

[alexanderlightweight]

Hello! For Writing Wednesday could we please have some more Spoils of War or Created for Death? I’m obsessed with both of these to an insane degree:

What I love about SoW: tentative!Alec whom Magnus has to work at gaining trust from? I love it. There’s a line in one part about Magnus having to fix how the Clave broke Alec before Magnus can gentle him and I just—gorgeous, perfect, headcannon accepted. Veiled consorts? Hooooooly that’s so cool omg I swear I heard a symphony in my head when I realized where you were going. The mask? Alec’s hesitance and obedience, thinking everything is out to hurt him but doing it anyway because what choice does he have, is so beautiful, and Magnus mourning a little that he didn’t have more time to make the experience better for Alec but not willing to risk the delay and risk Alec growing even more distant is just 😍—lmao I could write an essay about how much I love this universe.

CoD: I fucking love eldritch angel nephilim and this is giving EVERYTHING. Nephilim who are cobbled together projects of the angels, their biology so skewed by angelic power that even the nephilim don’t know what their children will look like/heal like/die like. Mostly the difference being subtle, but sometimes Not. Raised to hate and fear their full potential, anything that is Too Angelic, and Alec a living hearsay/blasphemy even when his blood was only 30/70 because if it. AND THEN. It’s not losing Jace that tips Alec over, it’s Magnus dying—demon-born prince/king of edom enemy of the Clave. So gorgeous, holllyyyy. I can’t even think too much about Magnus collaring 6-winged Alec, about Alec kneeling for him, about the terrible kindness and protection in Izzy disowning her brother, about the gentleness of Magnus hiding Alec away and covering his eyes and hushing him because even the ANGELS wouldn’t know what to do in this situation, with this new body, and then Team Immortal coming in and IMMORTALITY and wow

Anyway yeah sorry for spitting up my lovestruck brain in your asks but I had to make sure that you knew you’ve struck me deeply with your writing and that’s why I’m begging on your doorsteps for literally any content in either one of these verses 💜

i'm very glad both stories are being enjoyed so much and please don't apologize i love stuff like this! it's a huge compliment but also it's just really nice to see that other people are as into and obsessed with my verses as i am. because sometimes i wait for my sleep meds to kick in and i just plot where i'm going and end up passing out in the middle of a mental scene being written lol

so i wrote a thing for spoils of war and thank you! i'm glad it was enjoyed because i have this big headcanon about how consorts are really magically important to warlocks and magical kings if dominion magic is in the fic and a big thing about that is protecting the consorts identity. via masks but also cloaking the consort in so much magic that you can't even tell anything abut them besides what the warlock allows you to know. and there is a lot of history thats hinted at

-

for created for death

izzy was fucked up about that, okay. but she had to relinquish alec as a brother because otherwise the clave still had ties to him. since they don't need them anymore, the clave sort of doesn't let true nephilim have any rights. so alec had to be disowned as a nephilim and then magnus was basically like 'okay but my magic is on him so hes mine since i calmed him down' and izzy was like 'he totally counts as a weapon. yours now. because thats the safest thing for alec atm

so alec is actually 70/30 and most nephilm are 30/70 in a angelic/mundane equation. which is why he was being kept watch over by the clave but uh, the fear of magnus dying kinda made him lose it

i hope you enjoy this!

<3 lumine

spoils of war

—

Alec doesn’t know what’s going on.

Magnus didn’t bother explaining what the ritual was or what it did beyond that it was yet another bonding ceremony. But even their political wedding that signified the end of a war didn’t feel this elaborate.

Alec knows it doesn’t really matter, that he’ll be taking part in the ritual whether he knows what it does or not. In fact, it's almost better not to know than to know what he might need to do.

Alec can’t say no to whatever is going to happen and he knows that, so he takes comfort in the fact that he can still see. The mask has magic in and through it and Alec tries not to consider where it’s from and why he can feel nephil magic still fading from it.

Instead, he concentrates on Magnus and his magic and puts out the thoughts and details of his surroundings, like being watched by over a thousand warlocks and their companions, all hidden with their faces hidden behind a variety of masks.

It’s daunting to be here, to be taking part in something that feels so old and sacred when Alec was supposed to be no more than chattel. Fodder for a war built on the blood of innocents that Alec’s own people started.  It feels wrong to be here so defenseless and yet know that Magnus’ magic will protect him better than any weapon.

—

Carefully, Magnus uses magic to take off Alexander’s ceremonial collar and he instead replaces it with a loop of pure magic that will slowly take on more and more power until the image of it will always become whatever Magnus wishes it to be.

For now, however, it is a tight loop of deep purple magic that pulses with Magnus’ magic and power in time to Alexander's every breath.

It’s a show of power to summon a single adamas arrow — one that Alexander gave to Magnus by his own hand — and hold it without harm. Alexander sucks in a startled breath — perhaps at the sight of one of his own arrows or that Magnus can hold it with ease — and Magnus can feel him quiver under Magnus’ palm.

“My protection is absolute. When you bleed it will be because I wish it, for no other is allowed to spill your blood.” Magnus uses the arrowhead to nick Alexander’s upper lip — just as he cut the lower with the stele — and then he leans forward to lick it off and suckle the cut until he earns a whine of pain.

“The flames of Edom will devour all before allowing anyone to touch you without my permission.” Magnus promises and his fingers dance with flames that brush harmlessly over Alexander’s neck — the shard of Magnus’ soul claiming Alexander in an undeniable way that will protect him from harm in Edom.

Alexander seems torn between leaning forward and stepping away and Magnus knows his boy better now than he did when they were wed. Alexander needs no leash as Magnus first thought, just a steady hand and Magnus’ voice.

The bonds between them are the only tether Magnus will ever need with Alexander.

“Sweetheart—” Magnus teases, his voice caressing Alexander with magic and he can see how his boy shudders at the sound and feel of it. He steps forward unconsciously, he's been instinctively drawn to Magnus from the very beginning and Magnus croons and reaches out. His palm blooms with hellfire before settling on Alexander’s hip and Magnus pulls him closer still.

“Should any look at you without being graced by my benevolence, their sight shall be consumed by my magic. A payment for stealing a glimpse of what is only mine to see.”

Magnus’ vows are instinctive and there is a primal surge of delight as he takes the ritual a step further, cursing any being who would dare look at Alexander’s uncovered face without his blessing.

It’s an old tradition.

Older still than the ritual Magnus is using and it’s something that has been out of style for over three centuries. Magnus still remembers the stories of how the legend of Medusa started. A warlock desperate to protect her gorgeous consort cursed her love with a vicious, loving protection.

Magnus knows now that Alexander expects to be a spectacle.

A disgraced nephilim in the eyes of his own people, traded away for a peace bought with his soul and virginity. Alexander expected to be paraded around as a mockery, a whipping boy for the clave to offer to the warlocks and it’s clear that’s what the clave told him he was.

But Alexander is not something to be gawked at.

He is not someone who Magnus will allow others to see, not to admire and certainly not to laugh over. Alexander is his consort and if that means that Magnus veils him in magic and curses all those who dare look upon him, then so be it.

[girljeremystrong]

i’ve been reading a lot of essays recently and i was wondering if you have any that you’ve really enjoyed? i love digging through your book recs and you would love to know your thoughts<3

hiiiii <3 okay so first of all i admit i don't read a lot of essays! but here are some collections that i read and loved:

miami + slouching towards bethlehem + south and west + let me tell you what i mean by joan didion are all really good. joan didion's style is unique and reading her writing never gets boring. love all about these.

intimations by zadie smith is a little tiny collection of essays she wrote during the pandemic and the various quarantines, and i think zadie smith is a brilliant writer and i really enjoyed this.

what white people can do next by emma dabiri because i am a white person who wants to be better and this little book is filled with very well written and interesting essays.

the fire next time by james baldwin technically consists of two "letters" about racism and how americans (and all people) need to react to it and deal with it.

carry by toni jensen is a sort of memoir sort of collection of essays about her life as an indigenous woman in america and about race and police brutality and gun violence.

we are never meeting in real life + wow no thank you + quietly hostile by samantha irby are collections of very funny essays about her life and pop culture and they're light hearted and great.

little weirds by jenniy slate which has whimsical little essays as well as stories, i think she has a really delicate way of telling her point of view (really looking forward to her second book coming out later this year!)

minor feelings by cathy park hong is a very interesting and important collection of essays slash memoir about race and her experience as an asian american.

the collected schizophrenias by esmé weijun wang i first picked up because there's history of schizophrenia in my family and this book absolutely allowed me to see the issue from a very different perspective. it's very interesting and offers a unique point of view on chronic illness and mental health.

calypso + me talk pretty one day by david sedaris were very entertaining to me. sorry i like david sedaris! i really do think he's funny!

these precious days by ann patchett is a gorgeous collection of essays about writing and books and life and death by another one of my favorite authors. i think this one is so great.

genuinely though i would love it if you told me some of your favorites because i think i need to be reading more!!! hope you can find something you like among these and i hope you're having a great day!!!!!! 💖

[slytherinshua]

warning: sappiness ahead fr

it's been 424 days since i started my blog, and here we are.

1000 followers.

1000.

10 to the power of 3.

that is, in fact, a lot of people.

i can't even begin to understand how 1000 people like my writing. i think that it will still take me a while to feel like a good writer, even though i've just accomplished this milestone of followers.

i feel like a novice all the time, because, well, i've only been writing since january of 2022 (613 days, if i've calculated correctly). this hobby of mine was spontaneous and new and is still something i need to get a lot better at. i never wrote when i was younger apart from academic essays, it just wasn't something i found interesting, but since i've gotten into fanfiction, i've found my place where i can write and be creative.

the sincerest thank you to everyone who likes my writing. whether you were my first follower or my 1000th follower, i love you.

somehow this has started to feel like a well thought out thank you speech for some big occasion, even though it's just funny old tumblr dot com where little zanna reached a milestone. but this feels like an eventful day, but i'm still writing just whatever comes to my mind, none of this post was planned beforehand.

i want to really really thank the people who have been a big part of my life, my tumblr moots and close friends. (more sappiness ahead ew)

@eternalgyu hannie is the entire reason i am even writing on this platform. she was the start to everything, from the very second i created this blog to now, she's been here for all 424 days. and i can't even understand why she has stuck with me for that long, but i love her more than anyone else on this planet. i've dumped all my ideas on her and given her spoilers for fics i was writing. she's given me so many ideas and suggestions that have really helped along the way to create this blog and get it to where it is today. she will always be number 1 for me. she is irreplaceable. hannie, i love you so much.

@blue-jisungs axe :D the first blog i followed, and my first moot. she has been here from before i hit 100 followers. she's read my shitty old writing from when this blog was just starting to form. and i thank her for sticking with me cause my writing back then was not the greatest, let's just say that. axe has always been someone i looked up to, especially when i was first starting. i loved her writing and it inspired a lot of the first fics i wrote for this blog!! she'll always be one of my closest friends, i love her so much.

@hannahsophie0103 thank you for being one of the first people to send in requests, and for continuing to give me ideas. i get a lot of requests now, but when this blog was still a fetus, my inbox sat empty for weeks and weeks. i got so inspired and motivated whenever i got a request, and writing was truly so fun whenever i felt like i was writing for someone.

sorry for lumping you all together, but all my caratblr moots, i love you so much. everyone in the moot circle especially-- who i've talked to on the discord server-- you are some of my closest friends, and i love how we're all here, just writing some silly little fics for seventeen on tumblr. some of you have absolutely incredible writing that i can only hope to achieve one day. when i read some of your fics, it feels like actual art. words strung together so beautifully that i can say with no hesitation that you've created an actual masterpiece. thank you for inspiring me and talking to me daily, i hope you haven't gotten bored of me. you all feel like my close friend group, who i could share anything with and you'd still support and love me. thank you for being friends with me, and i love you.

i think that we've passed all the sappy speech part yay!! now to announce my 1K follower event :) *drum roll*

the love sight event.

what's the love sight event, you may ask? well, although i had dozens of ideas for what to do once i reached 1K, i decided that since txt was the start for this blog, i wanted them to be the centre of my event.

love sight will be a multiple part series where each member of txt will get their own fic.

i've put a lot of thought and planning into this event (only the planning though, i have a long way to go for actually writing the fics, but i'll get there eventually). i expect that actually completing this event will take... a very long time. so please bear with me as i write these fics!!

i have some other things planned soon for fics, such as the caratsland song event and some possible collaborations, so if there is a wait between fics for love sight, i'm sorry about that!!

i hope you all really enjoy the event, and once again, thank you. all 1000 of you, thank you so much. - zanna