#and I'm so proud that i chased that doubt. that i asked why why why why until their ears bled and their voices were raw

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.

The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.

"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."

And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.

Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.

That person was a child.

I was a child.

It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.

I'm not ashamed.

I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.

I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.

If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.

[hai7ani]

CHERRY BLOSSOMS haitani rindou

sfw, nothing happens

home collection | playlist

part ii / i just want you to take me where your heart is.

Rindou is having trouble falling asleep.

He's got a 10 o'clock with the higher ups first thing in the morning. Rindou vividly remembers asking his direct supervisor, Kimura-san on what the meeting is about as soon as he was notified about it.

He’s thought it through -- there is no reason for them to want to see him personally (he’s sure he’s never given them one), nor does he remember doing anything that might have seem out of line, or perhaps appeared a little too out of place in the company. A meeting of only him with the higher ups? It's scary even for someone like Haitani Rindou to face.

"That's exactly it, Haitani. You've been a bit too out of place lately."

Fuck-

"And by that, I mean, you've been showing off brilliant work."

" . . . Excuse me?"

Kimura-san chuckles and brings a wrinkled hand up to pat his junior's back as they walk side by side together through the long corridor that leads to the break room. Rindou fixes his tie out of habit and holds a sealed envelope tight in his hand -- the paper almost crumpled -- as he brings himself together to listen to his senior's words.

"You've been doing great, Haitani. Awesome performance, extremely satisfying work and you're very punctual. Believe me, I'm glad I chose the right person to nominate for this promotion. I've been watching you ever since you started working here as a clerk, and I have to say, I'm proud of you, boy. You've been working hard every day for . . . How long has it been? Five months? Your dedication is worth congratulating. Keep it up, young man. And don't worry about the meeting, it's all part of the promotion process. You'll be fine."

Though Kimura-san's attempt at comforting him worked that day, it certainly failed miserably today. It's less than 7 hours to when he'll soon be standing in front of a conference room facing the Chief Executive and his subordinates, and he doesn’t know why.

What if it goes bad and it's not the kind of meeting that Kimura-san said it would be? What if they're there to tell me I'm rejected for the promotion? Or even worse, fired and-

Rindou suddenly hears a certain conversation of Ran and himself echoing in his head. The loud yet timid 16 year old Rindou and the childish and arrogant 17 year old Ran, that is.

"Keep up that long face and I'll smack you right square, bro. I've taught you better than this. Stop doubting everything and believe it'll go well instead. Determination pays off, you know."

"Idiot. You think everyone in the world is capable of chasing a girl their first time? Especially someone like me?"

"Why wouldn't they? Why wouldn’t you? Look, I've made sure that she likes you back. Shion even told her about how you'd waited 2 hours for her to get off work jus’ to walk her home the other day. Trust me, shitty brother, she's definitely into you too."

"Shion did what?" "You heard me."

"And about that, of course everyone is capable, because I did it." Ran proudly flashes a hardcopy of him and a girl hugging with a cheeky grin. The older boy never misses a chance at showing off, especially to his younger brother who is absolutely sick of him. Rindou moves closer to get a proper look and immediately recognises her as the girl in Ran’s class he’s been courting for months. They’re high school sweethearts now? Unbelievable.

He scoffs at the older boy, "you really did it, huh?"

There’s a certain warm and proud feeling swarming in Rindou’s chest as he gapes at the lovesick grin stuck on Ran’s stupid face. It’s what he deserves, Rindou thought. Ran’s been through hell and back trying to court this girl.

Neither young Ran nor young Rindou knows that in 15 years time, Rindou would be calling Ran's high school sweetheart his sister-in-law and stealing recipes and life hacks from.

"Fuck yeah, dude. So like I said, just do it now or you'll miss your chance and regret it for-fuckin'-ever. Also, just for your information, 'cause I'm Haitani Ran and I'm also your big bro and feel the extreme need to tell you," Ran nods his head to the direction behind Rindou. "There's a guy hitting up your missus at the counter."

Rindou has never snapped his head back so fast.

He sees a man who's about a year or two older than him holding a piece of paper and pen to you by the counter, his mouth moving a lot and you’re listening intently.

Rindou immediately regrets not learning how to lip read.

Though he is certain the man must have said something out of line because he sees you adjusting the collar of your uniform and you’re biting your lip nervously. He knows you by your habits and by looking at that, he's sure you’re feeling uncomfortable by the man’s presence. Rindou wants nothing more than to smack the sly smirk off the man’s face right away, so he stands up.

He'll win this fight.

The loud creak of the wooden chair sliding against the marble floor catches your attention and you shake your head at him with a frown.

I’m fine.

Rindou understands that much from your eyes and sits back down again, with Ran who has an arm hooked behind the chair observing he situation with an amused smirk.

The idiot lives for chaos. "Maybe this'll teach him a lesson." Ran murmurs beneath his breath as he observes how Rindou's leg is bouncing anxiously against the marble beneath his shoe, watching you and the man like a hawk.

You have a soft smile plastered on your lips as you bow at him politely, rejecting his advances.

"I'm sorry, sir . . .

But I already have someone."

Lovestruck Rindou witnesses your pretty little face look away from the man to him. You with the pretty glint in your eyes, staring deep into his surprised purple ones and him who is now a blushing mess as he fakes a cough and push his round metal glasses higher onto his nose. You see his reaction and it almost makes you giggle but you remain collected as you try to get the man in front of you to leave the store, telling him you're not interested and you have to get back to work.

And it's when he finally does, all beat and ruined, when Rindou's legs moves over to the counter -- to you -- almost automatically. He stands in front of you and suddenly it’s blank in his mind. His mouth is ajar as he tries to remember what he's came here to say.

(Rindou to this day still argues and swears it was your overwhelming presence and especially your pretty smile that's made him forget his words while he fiddled with the hem of his black turtleneck like a damn loser.)

Come up with something, you idiot. Quick.

"Rindou-kun?" Oh, good fucking gracious. That voice. The sweet voice that will be the absolute end of him.

He musters up everything in him to speak.

" . . . D'ya wanna go out with me? For lunch tomorrow. I’ll pick you up and we’ll go together. Anywhere you want . . . As boyfriend and girlfriend, that is."

You're silent for a minute, and Rindou feels his heart race. It’s hot and humid all of a sudden and he feels like digging a hole and jumping right into it and he doesn't dare look at you and he’s afraid of what's to come. But you call for him again.

"Rindou-kun, please look at me."

The boy wipes his sweaty palms on the dark denim of his Levi’s 501 and chews on his lip. He's so nervous he's certain his mother would be making fun of him when she finds out. Unlike his brother, he’s never been good with girls and has never gone to this extent at courting one. Hell, he’s not even sure if he’s been this nervous before. He’s done loads of illegal things, almost landed his ass in juvie multiple times, fought countless of gangs (both big and small), and none of them could compare to what you’re making him feel right now.

You've got a very, very wide smile ready for him when he finally looks up.

“Ask me again, Rindou."

Get yourself together, prick. Be fair to her.

“Do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

.

.

.

"Okay."

Rindou thought he’d ascended into heaven.

Today, the same young boy who is now 31 in age and an expecting father, grins at the memory. He's glad he took Ran's advice the other day. As stupid as his older brother can be sometimes, Rindou cannot deny that Ran is always helpful when he needs to be. Always there for him. Otherwise, he wouldn't be having your worn out figure sleeping beside him in your shared bed, the beautiful band on your ring finger shining brightly at him as the moonlight shines in through the curtains he’s forgotten to shut before bed.

He stares at you as you sleep peacefully; the steady rise and fall of your chest indicating that you're feeling comfortable again. It's been difficult for you to fall asleep these days, the kicking getting harder and more frequent.

"She's so impatient to come out." You pout sleepily at the father of your child as you place a hand on your bump and rubbing slow circles, trying to get her to calm down in your belly. "Just another month left, my baby."

He eyes your stomach and leans down to press a soft kiss to the skin, suddenly feeling a kick to his lips and he airily chuckles. It’s almost like the baby in your stomach recognises him . . .

Her father.

"Don't kick your mom so much, girl. Be nice to her." Rindou tells his kid in his heart.

Another kick.

Brat.

You start stirring in your sleep. Shit. You're waking up after finally falling asleep and it's all because of the father and daughter that's ganging up on you. Talking together behind your back. Destroying your sleep.

Absolutely foul.

There's a frown on your face as you move around beneath the blanket, trying to get comfortable again when your husband runs his calloused thumb over the crease between your eyebrows, gently coaxing you back to dreamland.

It's then Rindou hears it another time.

"Stop doubting everything and believe it'll go well instead. Determination pays off, you know."

He reminds himself to give Ran a call when he wakes up.

Rindou has survived the 10 o'clock. It is now 12pm in the afternoon and he's standing in the middle of a fairly new and empty office room with a woman in her early fifties who he recognises as the Operations Manager, Hasegawa Keiko. Everyone calls her Hasegawa-san despite her constant reassurance that simply calling her Keiko is fine.

Rindou directly reports to her now instead of old Kimura. Although being congratulated and trusted deeply by the company, he still feels a bit strange, standing in an office room two floors above his previous one that now has a floor to ceiling view of Tokyo city. He's also been introduced to many new faces that he'll be working with from now on. No more shitty Ito flirting with Ishikawa-san in public and harassing him on going out for drinks or the really irritating habit of the woman clacking her nails on the desk opposite of him, but he supposes he'll adapt sooner or later. He will; Ran told him that he'll be just fine earlier on the phone. He believes in his brother (and you) more than anyone in the world.

"This will be your new office from now on. Feel free to take some time and explore around, make yourself feel comfortable with the environment and so on. And as always, you can ask me if you're unsure about anything. I'll be in my office most of the time down the hall if you have any further questions." The corners of Hasegawa-san's eyes crinkles and Rindou instantly feels more at ease at her warm welcoming. She reminds him a bit of his late mother.

"I'll leave you to it now. Looking forward to working with you, Haitani-san." And with that, she shuts the door behind her, leaving him alone inside.

The silence is overwhelming.

Rindou immediately fishes out his phone in the pocket, dials in the familiar digits he's long memorised and presses the gadget to his ear.

You pick up after the third ring.

"Baby? How'd it go? Are you okay?" He smiles giddily as he pictures the worried expression on your face and you’re probably sitting on the couch watching TV.

(Everything he’d pictured is exactly what you’re doing, by the way. You've also just finished two bowls of plain white rice fresh from the pot without yourself knowing due to how anxious you felt on behalf of him.)

Your husband simply brushes you off. "Whatcha doin'? Are you eating?”

"Answer my question, Haitani!" He laughs at your tone, "take a guess, babe."

"Well, I’on fuckin' know! That's why I'm asking you.”

He thinks of how to put his words into a statement without sounding too overly happy.

"I've got it, you know.”

You have big, red question marks hanging on top of your head as you wait for him to continue on the other line.

"The promotion . . . I've got it."

Rindou spends his lunch break on the terrace talking to you on the phone. He’s eating the bento you prepared this morning before he left for work. "Finish it, 'kay? The broccoli is expensive." You nagged, knowing how much he despises the said vegetable, but it's included in the new diet he's been keen on trying so he's fine with it. He has you to keep him on track, after all.

He picks up the miserable vegetable with his chopsticks and pushes it into his mouth. Jesus- He closes his eyes as he forces it down the throat.

"Fuck, this is so painful." He coughs when he finally swallows it. You hum from the other line, "what is?"

"The broccoli. Fuckin' hell."

"Sucks to be you. Broccoli's so delicious I don't understand why anyone even hates it. You're weird. Rin."

"Says the person who doesn't eat egg whites."

"Egg whites' got no taste. It should be inedible. It's disgusting."

"And I'm the weird one."

Rindou's been so immersed in talking to you that he doesn't hear the door to the terrace opening and closing. He thought it was just him there, considering everyone else has already went out for lunch and some still remained in their respective offices finishing up paperwork.

He doesn't hear the click of a lighter and cigarette paper burning behind him as he continues to bicker with you on the speaker about why egg whites are delicious and broccolis are not.

"Anyway, I've had 'nuff. I'll be confiscating your watch-Gilmore Girls-with-me rights tonight if you don't finish your broccoli. Your daughter agrees wit' me."

"You know damn well I never miss an episode.”

"Sure, we'll see. I've got clothes to fold now, mostly yours. Bye, weirdo."

"Have I told'cha how noisy you are, mama?" He complains and you laugh and hang up after Rindou reminding you for the third time to take your daily vitamins and wear your grippy socks. That's when the eavesdropper decides to make their presence known.

Rindou nearly chokes on his food when he hears a deep voice speaking behind him. "Your wife?"

He turns around with a mouthful of rice as he takes in the situation. Oh, it's him.

The man who he recognises as Sakoda-san is sitting on a chair with his hands tucked into his pockets, a burning cigarette hanging from his lips.

The same guy who frequents a whorehouse all the way in Kabukichō. Yeah, that one. The one who keeps a polaroid of his children in his wallet on the bedside table while he fucks other women in their rooms, telling them he loves them when he doesn't even mean it.

Saying things for the sake of saying it; Rindou doesn't like that.

He decides to keep his distance as he swiftly finishes the food in his mouth. Of course, he didn't forget his manners.

"Yeah, my wife."

Sakoda-san observes Rindou from the corner of his eyes. How the young man is feeding himself spoon after spoon of the bento, especially the broccoli while he scrolls through his phone, catching up on the latest news and watching random videos that appear on his feed.

"How far along is she?"

Rindou doesn't feel like replying. He's always been a private man who keeps matters to himself, but he thinks it's not fair to the baby in your stomach, his daughter, who he feels her existence should be made known. She's not a secret and shouldn't be kept as one.

"Roughly 8 months. She's due in September."

"A girl?" "Yeah." "What's her name?" "Sakiya." "Sakiya for cherry blossom?" "Yeah." "Your wife picked it?" "We picked it."

Okay, he decides this is as far as he'll go. He starts clipping on the lid of the bento and wiping his mouth with a napkin, ready to leave the terrace (of course he doesn't make it obvious) but Sakoda-san speaks again.

"That's nice. I have a girl too. She's 11 this year. And also a boy who's turning 6." Rindou simply nods and wraps up the bento in the fancy cloth you bought at a bazaar in Harajuku. "Would you like to see a photo of them?"

He stops moving. Rindou thinks of all the options, and the one he feels like picking the most is saying no and leaving.

But he shouldn't be cruel. As much as the man he's talking to is a bad person, a bad father, a bad husband, the children have done nothing wrong. He shouldn't be cruel. It's just an innocent picture of two young children.

"Sure." He agrees out of courtesy and Sakoda-san instantly slips out the polaroid from his wallet and hands it to him. Rindou takes and looks at it carefully. They don't look too happy in it.

"I always keep this with me. Gives me a little push in life, you know?"

A little push? To do all those things to his family?

Rindou is instantly reminded of the many ultrasounds of his daughter attached on the fridge with cute bunny magnets that he glances at every day when grabbing milk from the fridge before leaving for work. He figures that a little push in life contains different meanings to both him and Sakoda-san. It makes him feel sick to the core.

"Nice photo." He hands it back to the man after he finishes looking and stands. Rindou grabs the bento by the handle and is ready to leave, when Sakoda-san stops him once again.

"How good of a drinker are you?"

"I don't drink." Liar. He was fucking Haitani Rindou of Roppongi, for fuck's sake.

"Smoke?"

"I quit."

"Why?"

"Wife's pregnant."

The older man laughs at his blunt responses.

"Your life must be pretty boring, huh?"

Rindou doesn't look back at him when he mutters these words.

"At least I am not you."

It is now past lunch break and back to working hours that Rindou finds himself standing outside of Hasegawa-san's office. He has been for the past few minutes now, actually. Thinking about what to say and what to do; if she’ll approve of him or get pissed off.

He doesn't have the courage to go in.

Rindou had contemplated on keeping the topic away from his boss for now and simply bring it up another time, but he knows that it's not possible; it's only a short time away to when you're due and it’s also not fair to you either.

Finally, after making up his mind, he musters up all the courage in him to knock on the door. He waits for the faint come in and twists the knob.

"I was wondering when you'd come in."

Shit, it was that obvious?

Hasegawa-san closes the file she was working on and leans back in her chair while gesturing to the one in front of her desk. "Have a seat, Haitani-san." He immediately follows with a creak echoing in the room, not wanting to waste more time than he already has.

"You're nervous." It's not a question, it's a statement. And Rindou knows it as he feels himself growing hot and he coughs and sits up straight. "Sorry."

"What is it you're here for?" Hasegawa-san breaks the silence first. Rindou looks down at the half crumpled envelope in his hand, thinking a little before laying it flat on her table and pushing it forward with the letters on it facing her.

She stares at the envelope before swiftly opening it up to read. Rindou watches intently as her eyes go over the letter word by word, before finally folding the paper back to it's original form and laying it down on her desk.

You don't know about this, Rindou reminds himself as he waits patiently for Hasegawa-san to process his letter. You don't know about this, so he has to be serious. He has to be straightforward and sure. He can't be leaving you alone at this time because he doesn't have the balls to request for something that will mean the world to you.

The woman leans on her elbows and looks at him with an unreadable expression. He can't tell what’s going through her mind right now. Is it good or bad? Oh, she's squinting her eyes now. Do I need to say something? Fuck, this is so confusing.

"So, according to your letter, you will be away for . . . 2 months? That's a pretty long time. And it's your first day in this department."

The atmosphere is intense.

Thinking that he needs to speak up, Rindou pulls himself together and starts explaining to his boss.

"I know it may seem unacceptable, considering that I am just only in charge of this position. I am also aware that there will be no one to take over my duties when I'm away due to a short of hands, but my family is important and-"

"-tell me, Rindou." She cuts him off with a stern look. "How much does your wife matter to you?"

He doesn't hesitate in answering. It's immediate. Quick. Determined. Sure.

"Everything."

The tension in Hasegawa-san’s face loosens and she smiles. "Then there's no reason to further explain yourself. It’s all written clearly in your letter and letting you go to be with her is what a decent human being should do.” She pauses, “I wish my husband did that for me as well. I'm a woman too, so I know how it must feel to want her husband with her at this period of time.”

To say Rindou is shocked is an understatement. A higher up that doesn't ask questions? Doesn't make you wonder if your decision was right or wrong? Doesn't shame you for having different priorities?

No. It's not because she's being soft. It’s not because she’s biased. It's not because she doesn't care.

It's because she understands.

"I wish for her a safe delivery. Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A girl."

"How nice. I have three sons myself, I wish I had a girl too, to accompany me and so on. Boys grow up a lot faster than girls do." She laughs.

Rindou places both his hands on his knees as he lets out a breath of relief. Other than the meeting earlier today, letting his boss know that he will need to take some time off is also what's been clouding his mind for the entire week.

Your due date has clashed with the moment his work became much more serious and now he has to pick between the two: to stay with work and continue to fulfil his new duties and responsibilities while pouring his heart and soul into his shitty company or to stay at home and take care of you when everyone else is busy taking care of the baby.

And the answer is clear, actually. He'll never let anything, especially work, get between him and his family, and he's never let himself be placed in a position where he feels obliged to choose between the two. If he is, then you and the baby will always come first, no matter what, and he'll quit his job if he has to.

Letting Hasegawa-san know about this is just for him to find out if he has to quit his job to stay with you or not.

And luckily, he doesn't have to. Because Hasegawa-san is an angel in disguise and he feels so terribly relieved. God, he misses you so much. He really wants to go home and kiss you right now.

"You can go now. I'll sort things out with HR. You should take the rest of the day off, too. Go celebrate with your wife and spend some time with her. And please don't worry about work, I'll have a substitute soon for your position."

"Thank you, Hasegawa-san."

"You're welcome, and Keiko is fine. You remind me a lot of my second boy, by the way."

And you remind me of my mother.

"I'll see you soon, son. Take good care of your wife, yeah?"

"I will, Keiko-san."

You are in the midst of hanging up his clothes in the closet when Rindou arrives home.

"ただいま."

"Huh? Why are you home at this hour?"

He kisses your forehead and takes the hanger from your hand. He tells you to sit down and you listen and . . . Great. He's taken charge of hanging his own clothes now.

Rindou is always doing the chores whenever he can now that you're too pregnant to move around even when you insist to him that you can do it. "I like to move around, Rin. 'Don't like to sit around 'n daydream all day, it's boring."

"Boss' let me off early." He states nonchalantly and you raise a brow. You see your husband organising his clothes by colour and you suddenly feel some kind of warmth blossoming in your chest. Much to you and his brother's demise, Rindou used to be the kind of person who doesn't hang his clothes and just throws it in his closet when he's done with the laundry but that changed drastically when he met you. You always nagged at him to hang them up and sort it out by colour, by shirt category, so it'll look more organised and neat when he opens the closet.

"Why?" "I'll tell you later." "Why can't you tell me now?" "It's a surprise." "Huh?"

You're so confused.

Rindou is facing you now. "Have you showered?" You shake your head and remove the claw clip from your hair, scratching at your scalp. "Not yet. I needa' wash my hair, though. It's kinda itchy."

"I'll wash for you." He leads you to the bathroom slowly and helps you into the shower when you both are stripped off your clothes.

You're standing on the non-slip mat and adjusting the water temperature when Rindou joins you in the shower. "I'll take you out tonight. What'chu feel like eating?" He rinses through your body and you hum softly as he starts lathering shampoo on your hair. "Dunno, but I don't feel like eating something spicy, though."

"You want western?" You let out a sigh when he scratches at the itchy spot just above your ear, "sure."

The both of you don't speak after that, choosing to relish in the comfort of the warm water running down your bodies but you're suddenly reminded of it. Cheers to him for managing to butter you up successfully.

"Are you gonna tell me why you're home early?"

"'Told'cha, boss' let me off early." "Yeah, but why?" "I'll tell you over dinner." "You're pissing me off, Rin. Tell me now."

Okay, you're getting mad.

He's grown used to your mood swings over the course of this pregnancy and after so long, he's figured that the best way to deal with it is just by simply accepting it. It'll go away eventually and he should be patient with you and your emotions. After all, it's harder on you.

But he can't deny that it's a bit funny, though. You're getting mad at him because he won't tell you the actual reason he's home early while he's busy washing your hair yet you're purring whenever he scratches at a certain spot on your scalp.

"I got some time off. You know, when you give birth then I'll get to be home 'n take care of you 'n 'Kiya."

"Oh, so you're a romantic."

"Of course."

You feel so happy after listening to him that you turn around (slowly) and pull him down for a quick smooch. "Here's one from 'Kiya." And you kiss him harder this time, "'n one from me."

Rindou is dumbfounded when he looks at you who has literal hearts in your eyes as you hold his face in your hands like he's fragile porcelain, like he's some fine china. You run your thumbs over his cheekbones and pinch his cheeks.

(Doing that made you remember the times you liked to pinch his chubbier ones when you were still teenagers.)

"'Love you."

You with soapsuds in your hair proclaiming your love to your husband for the nth time over the course of 15 years (before and after marriage) and him with his fingers tangled in your hair as he continues scrubbing.

He smirks handsomely, "you tryna skimp out on the kisses, mama? I know my daughter ain't so stingy with 'em," he removes his hands to touch on your bump, "gimme one more, baby."

A kick.

"She jus' said no."

"She said yes, you brat."

You hold him by the neck and softly inhale the scent of his musky body wash that you've grown to find comfort in. He's so endearing that you don't want to let go.

You never want to let go of him.

Rindou lands two strong and assuring hands on your waist and keeps you close to his body.

"Quit sniffin' me, I still need to wash your hair."

You suck on his neck and he squeezes your ass in return. It's nothing sexual or anything, you just like sucking on his neck randomly and Rindou never passes up the chance to grip on your fat.

Some of the foam from your hair has gotten to his face and he simply washes it off with water, though you still don't let go of him.

"Never change your body wash, babe."

"I know . . . You tell me that every day."

Rindou is helping you pick out your outfit as you sit by the dresser doing your makeup. He's holding two dresses in his hands,

"Do you wanna wear this?”

Option A: a long red floral one that he bought for you while away at a business trip in Kyoto. He saw it while passing by and immediately stopped the car to cop it from the old lady. It wasn't for a special occasion or anything, he'd just seen it and felt like buying it for you and you haven’t got the chance to wear it until today.

"Or this?"

Option B: a shorter navy blue sundress that is obviously a little too tight and small for you right now.

“Baby, please. You know I can’t fit in that.” “I know. ‘Was just foolin’ wit’ ya.” “I’ll bite you.” “Go 'head.”

He lays the red dress down flat on your bed and plops down beside it, waiting for you to get ready. “I’m still halfway done wit’ the nursery. I’ll have more time to work on it now that I’m home.” Rindou says and you finish clipping on your right earring. “It’s just the crib and rocking chair left now, right?” You’re referring to the unfinished pieces of furniture that’s sitting in the nursery room next door and he hums as a response.

"Are we finished buying Sakiya's stuff? We can get the remaining later when we’re out. Settle it sooner, you know?"

“No, we’re finished. Ran ‘n Miwa have already bought tons for us.” You think of your sister-in-law who seems more excited for Sakiya's arrival than you, constantly buying you gifts like clothes and toys for the baby whenever she and Ran comes over for dinner together. “Auntie Miwa and Uncle Ran are so excited to see you, girl.” Miwa squeals as she touches your baby bump, feeling a soft kick to her palm.

“Ran is helping us save money now?” You laugh at his joke, “he seems enthusiastic to do so.”

In another city all the way in Ikebukuro is Ran in his home office sneezing with Miwa standing behind him massaging his back. “You’ve got a cold too? Everyone around me is getting a cold and it isn’t even flu season. I’ll have to stay away from you now, Ran. I don’t like getting sick.” She blabbers along and Ran simply hushes her down with a hand to her mouth. Miwa licks it and he retracts his hand away with a scowl, “you’re nasty, love. And you talk too much.” Miwa places a hand on her hip as she looks down at her husband like a mother scolding her son, “I’m not the one sneezing and at a risk of falling sick.” “It’s just Rindou talkin’ ‘bout me, wifey. I know it, I can feel it.”

Back home in Ueno is Rindou sneezing again. “Stupid Ran, he talkin’ ‘bout me too? Asshole.” “Huh?”

Neither Ran nor Rindou stops sneezing for the next five minutes and you and Miwa are left confused, wondering about just how strong these two brothers’ telepathy senses are.

You are actively ignoring your husband’s mumbling and cursing about stupid Ran this, stupid Ran that while combing your hair and Miwa isn’t even in the room with Ran anymore.

“Stop sneezing, Rin.” “Then tell Ran to stop talkin’ ‘bout me.” “Shaddap, you’re just makin’ things up.” “‘M not.”

While blowing his nose on a tissue you handed him, Rindou hears you humming along to a song playing on the radio and he instantly feels at peace.

He's home, you're sitting pretty on the stool, you'll be enjoying Western food together at a fancy restaurant downtown later tonight, and Sakiya will be here anytime soon.

Everything is calm and fine,

and Rindou thinks he will never be giving up this serenity for the world. He'll burn it up if he has to; if it guarantees his family forever peace and happiness.

There can only be his family.

His love. His heart.

reblogs are appreciated & i hope you guys enjoyed this! ૮ ˶´ ᵕˋ ˶ა

ending is a bit rushed cus idk anymore he's successfully rotted my brain and i have fallen onto my knees for this man

[l0ves1ckf0ol]

ISSUES. . . . xavier thorpe x gn!reader

"after that night he knew it was you all along."

genre: hurt/comfort

part 1

tags: @gutterrataesthetic

semestral break begins, students went home. well, most of them. you however decided to stay behind, after all the events that happened with wednesday you didn't want to go home to your family annoying you with questions about her. it's also because if you go home you would see xavier more since your father was close friends with mr. thorpe it wouldn't help you because your cause was to ignore him to get rid of the feelings that you felt for him. yes, he's a nice guy, and yes he probably is worth the wait- you just didn't want any distractions, or so you would call him.

you couldn't shake the memory of the night where you visited xavier in prison. you were sure you were going insane, but after that meeting you pretty much avoided xavier.

truth be told, he really is a good guy. you just worry for him because wednesday treats him like shit and he still seems to chase her around. you also thought of his trust issues towards bianca, he definitely did not have a great childhood. you didn't want to do something wrong and he'd go along with it, you were scared of hurting him unintentionally.

but thus, the universe ignored your prayers and there he was, sitting at one of the picnic tables at the quad, waiting out the laze of the semestral break.

it was nighttime thankfully, more places to hide within the shadows, though you could move and travel in shadows, your figure ought to be seen, kind of like how peter pan has his own shadow.

you weren't so lucky that evening.

xavier lowers his sketchbook to his lap and stared at the cobbled wall that you were hiding in, the warm candlelight illuminating your shadow. you held your breath, did he see you? "y/n?"

you cursed mentally and walked out the walls, as if it was a portal.

"didn't know you stayed behind for sembreak." you muttered, approaching him. you couldn't walk away now. do you even want to?

xavier closed his sketchbook and placed it on the table along with his pencil. "my dad's busy anyways." he sighs, sadly. you almost felt bad. "well you know, i'm supposed to be going home now, they gave me an earful earlier this afternoon rambling on and on about addams and how she must be making her parents proud and bla bla bla" you told him with a laugh, he chuckled.

he kept giving you this look, as if he was waiting for something- expecting from the lazy poltergeist.

"i haven't been talking to you lately after you got bailed out. you okay?" xavier scoffed, "don't give me that. you were the one ignoring me, why should you ask." he muttered bitterly. you sighed through your nose, "because i'm your friend, thorpe. believe it or not." you told him stiffly, crossing your arms. xavier stood up, towering over you.

"you're one to talk about being friends, you just pop up in my life when i'm in doubt, whenever i'm feeling low. you're like my personal therapist." he told you and you chuckled sarcastically, "oh i'm sorry, for trying to cheer you up. should i stop? i gladly will." you slightly raise your voice and he notices this, he has never heard you yell before. "it doesn't feel like we're even friends anymore, y/n." he clarifies. you stare at him, raising a brow.

"we used to meet up at the art studio, copy off of each other's homework, literally skipping class together- you never talk to me anymore. it's like i don't exist unless you feel the need to comfort me, i'm not a child." xavier argues, you wanted to shove him and run away right now but you had to face him somehow. you swallowed harshly, trying to restrain yourself from saying something stupid, but you did.

"you're one to talk about my own flaws when you can't even see what's happening right in front of you." you shot back, breathing heavily, you felt provoked by him. xavier's face scrunched up in confusion, "what do you mean??" he demands.

"hello! i get that you're head over heels for wednesday, and by seeing how she treats you? you can't even fucking see that, xavier." you told him, practically yelling at him now. he was stunned, he always saw you- carefree, wild spirited and funny. now you were an angry grenade about to go off. "your daddy issues are fucking showing xavier. i just want you to feel i'll be right here whenever a certain someome treats you wrong. because frankly, for some reason i can't get enough of you." you went off, stammering between your words as you're not used to arguing someone so tall and intimidating. xavier scoffed, picking up his materials and walked away.

you scowled, in disbelief "you're seriously walking away?" you tested him, he didn't turn around, your heart falls to the pit of your stomach, a feeling you loathed. "i don't even know why i like you!" you yell after him and ran straight to the shadows.

did he hear that right? xavier stopped in his tracks, looking behind him. you were gone. he didn't know why you said that, he didn't want to like wednesday, after that night- he knew it was you all along. you were there whenever wednesday wasn't, you were there when bianca couldn't make it. it was all you. he needed to find you. more or less in your dorm, that'd be creepy he thinks. whatever you said was the truth, he had issues. you were there to stick around and see how that unfold. you don't like racing, you didn't like pursuit, which is why xavier begins to theorize that you don't want to be some sort of an option to him. you just wanted to be there for him.

he didn't want to be a creep really, so he sat outside your door, sketching away into the night, hoping to catch you, sooner or later fell asleep.

you open the door, you couldn't sleep and figured might as well go do something. then you saw him. layed down on the floor, using his sketchbook as a pillow and his pencil right beside him. he looked ridiculous you could've laughed. he looked so at peace, lately its always been a sour face or a forced smile, now he's slightly drooling but at peace.

you knelt by him and traced your index finger on his nose, his cheekbones, his jaw, hearing him breathe gently caused you to feel more regret.

"y/n?" he slowly opens his eyes to see you, blinking twice to process what you were doing as you pulled back your hand so quickly. "you have a dorm, idiot. good night." you mumbled towards him, making him pout as you felt an arm reach out to you and a hand grasping yours, not letting you go. not this time.

"'m sorry." he hums softly, getting up as he's yet again tugging your sweater sleeve like a little boy, inviting you to sit next to him. so you did, he was only looking at you now, a look with dreadful longing. "i've loved you since forever. did you know that?" he told you, his words slurring due to being a little bit tired than usual. "i mean i did like bianca, but at first it was just for you to stop avoiding me." he huffs out, childishly frustrated, leaning his head against your shoulder. "don't talk about wednesday anymore, she was just another lookalike. you both dress the same, you used to braid my hair when we were kids- she reminded me of you." xavier whispers to your ear. "admit it, you were pretty dang attracted to wednesday too." you chuckled, thinking the same.

"i had a feeling you liked me back, i just thought you didn't want to be friends with me anymore." xavier muttered, you hum in thought. "hey please. talk to me, don't leave me hanging..." he huffs.

"prove it, that you like me." you told him, xavier gave you his sketchbook. "here."

you flutter through the pages, it was either you or your shadows, a drawing caught your eye though. it was when you were coming out of a wall, at the rave'n dance, wearing a flawless white suit, your hair styled in a different way. "want more proof?"

you looked at him as he was 3 inches closer to your face. "sure." xavier held your cheek and caressed it with his thumb, pressing your lips against his. finally, a moment you waited and loathed for.

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello there lovely Fandom. Three eps in already what a trip. Once again did my best to keep this brief, concise but hitting on stuff as I watched it. Given up on the gif library till the summer so just my handmade ones till then ha lets get going.

6x03 Trouble in Paradise

Mmmm hello jammy's Tim I love you so. Asking her if she’s slept at all? Looking too damn attractive leaning against her door frame. She also looks adorable in her morning attire as well. Poor Lucy so stressed about the oral exam and friggin Primm. What a dick throwing out her cookies.

God I love Tim trying so hard to control her spiral about it. Saying she can only control herself. Trying to pry the highlighter away LOL He is giving her solid advice and she just isn’t about it lmao Poor man. I get it when I’m in my own anxious neurosis I’m same way as Lucy.

Tim tapping out knowing she won’t take a break. Knowing a lost cause when he sees one. I love her only doing so when he gives up. Chasing after her man and the shower he’s gonna take. Heh Hello shower sex. Welcome back. That’s a good break Lucy haha I'm jealous. Mmmm Tim is a glorious study break and stress reliever. I can't wait for the fic's spawned out of this moment.

How did Lucy end up in a room with Smitty practicing her oral exam? LOL He doesn’t have the worst idea about Primm have to say....Tim getting distracted by Lucy’s practicing with Smitty in the other room when he should be focusing. Loved this.

Knowing he needs to intercede when he can but barks at Celina to set up the shop first. Yum. Smitty giving her the details on Primm lmao Lucy getting excited cause she’s a dog person too haha Me too Luce me too. Tim interrupting asking WTF is going on? I’m dying.

Smitty says he’s helping her with her exam. So proud of himself. Tim asking her if this falls in line with not over preparing? It does not... Lucy deflecting saying it's Smitty though. Lmao poor guy. Tim forcing her to take a break with him and Celina. Love this. The birth charts comment oh Timothy I love you so much.

Heh I’m going to love this trio I can already tell. Also Tim saying ‘Juarez’ getting me all in my feels. God will always love Eric’s inflection makes me all feral. Lucy watching from the back seat with affectionate heart eyes. This is gonna be good.

Lucy of course brings up Aaron and how awkward it currently is. Tim immediately pulling over and scolding her I’m rolling. Lucy isn’t wrong he didn’t say boys LOL Be more married you two my god. Adoring this ep so much. Getting back to their banter in this one and I'm here for it.

Mmm loving that Metro Call sign. Idk why it's so attractive to me but it is. Love Tim and Lucy side-barring about this dude and his "Amnesia." They are Co-T.O.'ing in this episode and I'm loving sfm. Also always love me a height difference shot. Look at them. Good stuff.

Tim’s being utterly over this guy is hilarious as they interview him. (Lack of person space too. Forever love this) Eric killing with the expressions per usual. Lucy of course has the reins for this interview cause Tim wants to pop this guy ha. Classic Tim/Lucy. She is the empathetic one and Tim is doubtful af. 'Grumpy x Sunshine 'at it's finest in this moment.

It is delightful to watch Lucy tag along while he’s in T.O. mode. She is enjoying herself haha The heart eyes as she watches him in action making my shipper heart happy. Although her stepping in when he’s sweating Celina is too hilarious. God I love we are in this place with them. She can step in and gives Celina a break and Tim won't eat her.

Then she continues on to give him crap for not giving her any praise. Wifey being extra wifey in this moment. Oh my word their banter after Celina leaves. My heart. ‘Have I not softened you at all?’ Oh you have Lucy. The man went from granite to butter. Just continually shows you Lucy was always different. He doesn't treat any other boot like he did her.

Oh my god he looks sinfully delicious getting dressed while she’s waking up. Scruffy and in a black shirt. I’m fanning myself. Oh my lord. I wanna climb that man like a damn tree. Those buttons are meant to be ripped apart and off him. Phew lord. What a view to wake up to. Also never be over him just always having stuff at her place. Basically living together *screams into pillow* That sweet smile of his too good lord I'm faint. God he loves her so much. Just exudes out of this man in the smallest ways like this.

That black shirt he’s buttoning up mmmm making all kinds of feral with seeing part of his chest. He is so confident as he speaks about her resting. No regrets letting her sleep in. I bet you he watched her sleep for a bit before getting ready fully*happy sigh*. My god the looks he gives her when she thanks him. I cannot. This was such a lovely moment till she gets a text her test was in 20 minutes…..

Poor Lucy of course she’s the last one in. This made me so angry to watch her waiting. Hate this Primm putz so much. Stresssssssss watching this entire scene. Oh my lord. Hate Lucy having to defend herself to this prick. Of course he brings up the 6x01 crime scene bleh. I think she defended herself pretty well IMO. I was on edge and anxious as I watched this unfold. Feeling sick for her and angry too. Her career has been exemplary. Wanted to protect her from this absolute BS assault on her.

This scene GUTTED me. The music plus Melissa's expression I wanted to cry for her. Hug her. I knew when Grey walked up it wasn't good news. Ughhhhhhhh 17 blooody 17... I'm so angry for her it’s insane. What a shit Primm is. Like that man didn't benefit from that 5 player trade she did. My rage knows no bounds for her in this moment. Melissa's conveying so much in this moment. Well done madam. Nolan gets everything handed to him she fights tooth and nail and gets screwed for helping the man she loves out. I’m livid for her. Sure the depths of my anger will be more detailed in my summer review. For now I want punt Primm into the sun.

17th sucks a lot. If that score is combined with her written. Maybe she did over prepare. Or it's a mixture of that and her Oral not going well due to Primm. Either way it sucks. I will say I love this puppy of a man. He wrote a 7 on the award afterwards. Just to make her laugh. My damn heart. Upped his romantic game so much for her. He got this BEFORE she passed. So convinced she would be number one.

Look at the smile on Tim's face as he hands her it. He's so happy he's made her laugh. Even before they were together he always took it upon himself to make her feel better. He has sharpened that skill ten fold since they got together. Her Metro joke is cute haha Joking right back feeding off his energy. Love this. Look at her at the start of the scene and the end of this portion. He got her in a much better mood.

I love how sincere he is when he says yes he thought she’d be first. Of course he did. He believes in her SO MUCH. Why the lie detector got it wrong in that regard. This man loves you so much Lucy. She doesn't have an ounce of regret for that 5 player trade. Not once has she voiced that or hinted at that. In this moment all she can think about is how she disappointed him. The sweet kiss after he tells Lucy she could never disappoint him. *heart clutch* How far we’ve come people. Still blows me away. Lucy saying how cute the award is. It really is.

God damn I love how this relationship has made Tim so adorably romantic and soft. He's her marshmallow. Tim is so proud of himself for doing good with this. I’m beaming from how cute this moment is. The heart eyes as she tells him he did a good job. I’m dying. Friggin love this ship so much everyone. Makes my heart so happy he’s there to pick up the pieces. Makes her smile and laugh after a crushing defeat. Look at this goober of a man. Getting her to laugh and lifting her up at the same time. It’ll be interesting to see where Lucy goes after this.

Sucks she was sabotaged but a new career path might not be worst idea? I feel slightly relieved this SL of the exam has gotten its conclusion. Might not be the one we wanted for her...but I am excited to see where this goes for her career wise. It's Lucy whatever she puts her mind to she will dominate. I do love this final scene so much. How much lighter I felt after it. Gave me all the feels in best way. Look at our babies figuring out life together. I love them so much. Sucks we won't have anything for 3 friggin weeks but I understand with only having ten eps to play with.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Gonna be real honest could care less bout Nolan and his honeymoon. Snooze fest nation. Never been a huge Bailey fan. I was always a Grace fan personally.... Also them touching everything without gloves WTF LOL

Poor Aaron and Celina so awkward. Hope they inch back toward their original friendship.

Only good thing about their honeymoon is Harper and Angela showing up like BAMF's.

Love Grey checking in with Tim about Lucy and Celina. Their friendship is a dark horse. I love it when we get it. Underrated gem.

[endthedream]

sunshine

pairing: merman!jeno x reader (she/her)

summary: Moving back to the town known for it's cruse of letting fisherman disappear from the ocean isn't the best idea - accoring to your parents. But they don't understand. They don't understand that for five years you lived without knowing if the encounter you had with a strange boy with a fishtail was real. They don't understand that your heart is calling for him.

words: 21.3k

story colour: silver

note: This story is so different from everything I've written so far. And I can say with my whole heart that I'm proud of this. Everyone close to me had to witness the mess I've been while writing this. The excitment, frustration and impatience I had while working on this. I really hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Remember to always treat people with kidness!🪽

(Also enjoy the little special guest appearing in this story)

masterlist of ‘nct dream as supernatural creatures’

It feels like ages since you last been here.

The place you grew up in. The place you spent your childhood in. All your favorite memories happened in this very town.

A small seaside town south of the pacific ocean. It’s fairly known for its high fish rate. Fisher all over the world visit this town to see for themselves the wonder it promises. But as many fishers as you gain, as many you also lose as well. While the town is known for its wonders, it is also known for its curse. Many people sailing the sea around the town have mysteriously gone missing, only their boat returning safely to the shore. At first every time this happened, people would search day after day for the missing person, but after many of those incidents, people stopped. Now only a bitter taste lingers whenever an empty boat washes up on the shore.

Shortly before your parents decided to move away from the town you once called your home, a nine-year-old girl went missing. She vanished after going into the sea for a swim. She was just four years younger than you. Everyone in town was in shock, mourning over the young life that was taken that day.

So, it makes sense why your parents and friends questioned your decision to go back to the very same town you moved away from. The very same town your parents started to get scared of.

You could just say it’s the sea you miss. The smell of saltwater engulfing you. The melody of the waves crashing against the sand, hypnotizing everyone that spends just a few minutes watching it. You could say it’s the people greeting you every day, asking about your well-being, and offering you fresh fruits to try. The genuine care the people show and the fun little events they plan. You could say you miss the friends you grew up with, not having talked to them in five years and wanting to know what happened to them. Get in on the five-year worth gossip you missed. You could say you miss the person you once were back when you were 13, craving to seek what you lost and once had. But that would all be a lie.

The answer is very simple. You are going back because the town is calling you. Well, not the town itself, more someone else. It’s him calling you.

When you step foot outside the little apartment you moved in a few hours ago, you are immediately greeted with the fresh breeze of the coastal town. Salt lingers in the air, and you can hear seagulls squawking as they fly over the water. A familiar feeling washes over you, the very same you felt as a child. It makes you stop with your eyes closed, taking in the nostalgia that engulfs you. You can get used to this again. How your muscles loosen up and every doubt you felt, every hardship you had over the past months, it all fades away almost instantly. It’s like you are ten years old again, running through the small streets, chasing the wind, and filling the town with your joyous laughter.

But before you stand still on the same spot for any longer, you decide to walk around the town, intrigued by what has changed in the five years that you’ve been away.

And you notice pretty quickly that nothing really changed. Yes, the people grew older. The apple lady has more wrinkles on her phase and old creepy Mike can barely walk anymore, but the town still looks the same. You still find the graffiti at the back of the fish museum – yes, the chairman of the town insisted on making one to honor the towns trademark - was still there, looking exactly as worn out as it did before you left. The little bakery still has tape sticking over the hole a teenager smashed into the window when you were nine. You guess that they either don’t have the money or time to fix it and work well enough with the tape. The water dispenser still stands at the exact same place, a bit rustier than you have it in mind, seeming that still no one uses it. You remember your mother telling you how many germs there are on it, and it made you stay five feet apart from it ever since. You also saw one kid turning it on and tripping over as the force of the water splashed right into their face.

But most importantly, you walk by the small garden that was built further away from the town center. It was made by the Na’s who own the local flower shop. Ever since you discovered it, is has been your favorite place. You remember how you used to always come here whenever your parents gave you a hard time at home. And as you enter the small area, you can’t fight the small smile that makes its way to your lips.

The garden is filled with flowers of all kind and colors. Butterflies, bees and other small animals fly around, taking place on the beautiful flowers. A magpie flies by you and into the tree where its nest is, feeding its baby with worms they just found. You can’t help but to stare at the scenery in front of you, silently thanking the Na’s for still taking care of this place and putting their time into making it look like you stepped into another world.

You wish you could stay here all day, watching the different animals and basking in the comfort you get from this place, but the rumble of your stomach changes your mind. It reminds you that you haven’t eaten anything besides a chocolate bar, too nervous about your arrival in your hometown. So, you go to the only place you’ve trusted with your food ever since you were a child.

“Dream Team” the bakery with the smashed in window owned by the Lee family. When it comes to bread, cakes, and pastries, no one beats the Lee’s. Not even the bakeries in the city you moved to. But maybe it is just because you are biased. Mark Lee, the son of the owners, was your best friend growing up. Your ride or die. Someone you thought you would never lose. Well, everything changed when you moved.

A part of you is scared about seeing him again, dreading his reaction upon your arrival. But another part is beaming with excitement, wanting desperately to see what happened to the once awkward and shy boy.

Without further hesitation, you open the door to the little bakery and step in. And almost immediately you are greeted with the smell of freshly baked goods. Bread, cakes, doughnuts and most importantly their famous cherry pie. You haven’t had a piece of it in five years and admitting it, you missed it a lot. No matter to which bakery you went and tried cherry pie, nothing could compete with the one the Lee’s bake.

The little bakery still looks the same. They still have the same tables that you and Mark used to write hidden messages underneath and the bright orange chair standing around them. You remember buying those chairs with the Lee’s when they first opened the bakery. You found them at a thrift store a few hours from here. Mark’s mom fell in love with them the second she saw them. Saying something about how they will bring contrast into the little bakery, making people stop and stare. And that’s exactly what happened. Everyone talked about those chairs, and they became the number one attraction of the ‘Dream Team’.

Walking further in, you see the small picture frame hanging on the brick walls and it wrenches your heart. They kept the picture of you and Mark baking your first cake when you were five. It’s one of your fondest moments. You had just met Mark two days prior in the kindergarten. You always thought he was weird, not talking to anyone and mostly keeping to himself. But your mom explained to you that the little boy just moved here from Canada with his parents and that he was probably just too shy to make friends. So, you made it your task to become friends with the strange boy. You can still remember the way his eyes lit up the moment you talked to him, like he has been waiting for someone to finally approach him. And when he showed you his Pokémon card collection, you knew this friendship would last forever.

Apparently forever is a short time. Because when you moved, it only took two months for the two of you to lose contact with each other. Busy with life and responsibilities. You having to adapt to a new town, a new school and struggling to make friends. And him, well, you don’t know what happened to him. Or why he stopped responding to your calls and messages. You just hope it wasn’t something bad, or that you did something to scare him away.

“Y/N?”, you hear a voice calling out for you. Turning around you see a young man standing in the door frame of the bakery. And it takes you a second to recognize who he really is.

“Mark? Is that you?” Letting go of the things he is holding in his hands, Mark runs over to you and immediately engulfs you into a tight hug, spinning you around in circles.

Joyous laughter fills the small space. “Is that really you? Or am I just imagining all this?”

A chuckle falls from your lips, as Mark sets you down to the ground again, giving you the chance to take a good look at him for the first time in years.

He looks different, but the same. He still has his boyish smile and big doe eyes, but his features matured. Showing that he isn’t the little awkward boy anymore, but a grown man. It’s weird seeing him like this again, so used to the picture of him that is still burned in your memories.

“You’re not imagining anything. I’m really here.”

Mark smiles brightly at you, taking you in a good look at you. You have changed as well, puberty making itself noticeable on your body.

“Damn.”, Mark says, his voice a lot deeper than you have imagined it to be. “You look so good. What happened to you?”

You have to laugh at that, punching his shoulder playfully. “What a charmer. But you too Mark. You look so grown, it’s crazy.”

“Yeah, puberty.”, he smiles, being almost unable to take his eyes off you. Somehow Mark still cannot believe that you’re really standing here in front of him after all those years. He has already given up on the thought of seeing his childhood best friend ever again. But here you are, in your full glory. “But what are you doing here? Are you visiting?”

“No, not visiting. I came back, permanently.”

“What?”, the boy in front of you asks in disbelief. “But why? Didn’t you like it in your new town?”

“I did like it there. But that’s not the reason I came back.” It’s not even a lie. You really did like it in the town you moved to, but somehow no matter what you did and what you changed, it never felt like home. It was never a place you wanted to grow up in or build a life in. So, you had to come back to the only place you felt like a connection to. The place that changed your life with just one incident. “I just missed my home. My real home. And I missed you. God, I missed you so much Mark.”

Mark can’t help but to pull you into another hug. “I missed you too, Sunshine.” You smile at the nickname, wrapping your arms around tighter around him. No one has called you that since you moved, and you missed it. Sunshine is the nickname Mark’s father gave you when you were nine. He said that whenever you enter a room the sun shines brighter, like it senses the presence of someone pure hearted. He called you the happy pill since you loved to make the people around the town smile. Helping them with their tasks, gifting the children your old play toys and always wearing a smile yourself. The nickname got carried around and after a while everyone called you sunshine.

“Mark Lee. What have I told you about leaving your things at the entrance? The customers won’t even be able to get in and-“, Mark’s mother stops scolding Mark as her eyes land on the two of you. She hesitates for a second, thinking her eyes are betraying her.

“Y/N, dear? Is that really you?” You let go of Mark, walking over to Mark’s mom.

“Yes, it’s me. How have you been doing?”

You can see tears forming in her eyes, as she sets the flowers in her hand down and wraps her arms around you. “How I have been doing? God, Y/N, how have you been doing? We haven’t seen each other in so long.”

Tears stream down the older woman’s face and you can’t help but to let one or two slip yourself. “I’ve been good. Stressed from graduating, but good none of the less. And you?”

“I’m so much better now that I’ve seen you.” You huff out a laugh, letting her go to wipe the tears from your face. “Look at you. You are the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen.”

Redness fills your cheeks as you scoff from embarrassment. Marks’ mom always knew what to say to make you feel like her words are actually true. She was one of the people helping you in the process of self-love. “You always know how to boost my confidence.”

You’ve always had a good relationship with Mark’s parents. They loved you the minute Mark introduced you to them in kindergarten, glad that their little boy finally made a friend. Especially his mom loved you. Not having a daughter herself, she treated you like the daughter she never had. Girls’ days filled with doing each other’s hair and nails. Weekly meet ups to talk about boys, discuss the problems only women understand. She was like a mother to you and seeing her again after such a long time, makes you realize how much you really missed her.

“You must be starving from coming here all the way. Sit down. I will get you a plate of cherry pie.” You smile at the mention of your favorite pie, hearing your belly grumble in cheer of finally getting something to eat. Turning around to find a table to sit on, you see Mark secretly wiping away a stray tear himself.

You sit down at one of the tables, relishing the familiar feeling you have in the presence of the Lee’s. It’s comforting, knowing you are at a place where you can be yourself. A place you are loved and appreciated at.

“You know what?”, Mark says, sitting down beside you. “This is the table we used to always write stuff on.”

“Really?”, you exclaim, already bending down to look at the underside of the table. Seeing all the little doodles you made all those years ago. From deformed dogs to funny words and friendship declarations.

“Don’t think I’ve never noticed your little drawings.”, Mark’s mom says as she puts your plate with pie down at the table. You and Mark sit up straight again, giving each other a busted look. “I clean those tables every day. But I couldn’t bare to wipe them away. If it weren’t for me spraying hair spray on them, they would be long gone.”

“Really mom? That’s so sweet of you.” Mark’s mom ruffles his hair, giving her son a sweet smile.

“I didn’t want to erase the years of friendship you have.”, she points to the pie, looking at you now. “Eat up, dear. Later I will take you two out to dinner so we can catch up some more, okay?”

Both of you nod, you already stuffing your mouth full of cherry pie and Mark laughing at your messy face. All while Mark’s mom watches you. A soft smile on her lips, glad to see the two of you together again.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Later that day you enter the bakery yet again, having changed out of your sweatpants into a summer dress. You see Mark cleaning the tables while his mom counts the income they made that day.

And you notice the vase of beautiful orange and yellow tulips on the register. “Those are beautiful.”, you remark as you lean closer to them, inhaling the sweet scent.

Marks’ mom looks up at you, a smile forming on her lips. “They are from ‘Flora’.”, she says, walking over to you.

“Flora? Isn’t that Jaemin’s parents’ flower shop?”

“Yes.”, Mark answers this time. “Well, it turned more into Jaemin’s store. His parents still help out a lot in the store, but Jaemin does most of the work these days.”

You nod, thinking about the just mentioned boy. Na Jaemin. You still remember the kind boy with the prettiest smile you have ever seen. How can you not remember him, when you had the biggest crush on him in middle school. You almost feel like the little girl again that blushed at the mere thought of being in the presence of Jaemin. Everyone had a crush on him at some point. He made girls and boys melt into a puddle right in front of him without even doing anything.

It's crazy how you can still vividly picture yourself standing at your locker until the bell rings just so you could get a glimpse of him. But from one to another day that changed. And suddenly the kind boy didn’t interest you anymore. Your focus was put on something totally different.

“Didn’t you have like the biggest crush on him?”, Mark asks with a teasing voice, knowing exactly what the answer to his question is. You used to always vent to Mark about your crush on Jaemin and how perfect he is. Mark would just tell you to shut it and go talk to Jaemin, completely over your constant raving.

“I mean, yeah, but that was so long ago.” The longer you think about Jaemin, the more intrigued you are to know what has happened to him. Did he change a lot? He probably did. “Is it okay if I quickly head to the flower shop and say hi to him? I just haven’t seen him in so long.”

“You’re sure it’s not for another reason?”, Mark asks, wiggling his eyebrows at you. But before you can react, his mom already nudges her elbow into his rip cage.

“Mark, stop that.”, she shakes her head at her son. “Of course, sweetheart. How about we meet at the restaurant?”

“Sounds perfect.”, you say, excitement rushing through your veins. “See you in a bit.”

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

The smell of flowers variates between sweet and fruity, and musky and deep. It fills you with happiness, relaxation and calmness. You read once that the floral scent can help with anxiety and stress. Lavender and Jasmine are even said to have a sedative effect on the nervous system and can help to provide better sleep. Sticking your nose into a Boquete bursting with aromas and scents can lift the spirit and the soul. That’s why the scent of flowers is an inspiration for perfumes and beauty products. The scents can take us to other places, evoke people and create memories.

That’s why the minute you step into ‘Flora’ you feel like you spent the whole day relaxing at the beach. It feels like this is the first time you woke up from a deep slumber and you’ve never felt more alive. It feels like a fresh breeze on a hot summer day, feeling the first ray of sunshine after a long cold winter, taking a long walk in the forest and listening to the birds chirping.

You look at the different types of flowers, in all their colors, forms and sizes. You don’t even know the name of half of these flowers.

“Welcome to Flora. What can I do for you?”, a deep voice speaks up, catching your attention. As you look at the owner of the voice, your eyes almost bulge out. Na Jaemin stands behind the register, hair falling over his eyes and a bright smile on his lips, the same you remember from when you were younger. He definitely changed. He looks older, not in a bad way. Jaemin just looks more mature. His features more defined, destroying the boyish image you still had in your head. But that was not the only thing you noticed is more defined. The hot weather made Jaemin wear a white t- shirt, showing off his arms. And you guess, he must be hitting the gym regularly, because that can’t happen overnight.

“And so, we meet again, Na Jaemin.”, you greet him as you walk over to him, a sweet smile on your lips. You watch the boys’ eyes widen in recognition of you.

“Y/N?”, his voice filled with disbelief as if the last person he expected to see was you.

“Yep, in full glory.” Jaemin walks around the corner and stops right in front of you. Like Mark, not believing you are actually here and thinking his brain is playing a joke on him.

“What?”, his hands hold your shoulders, slightly shaking you to test if you’re real. “What are you doing here? I thought I would never see you again.”

“Well, as a talented poet once said, ‘Never say never.’” A scoff leaves Jaemins’ lips, shaking his head in disapproval.

“You are calling Justin Bieber a poet now? I always forget you are best friends with Mark. Dickinson would turn in his grave if he heard you say that.”

“What can I say.”, you remark between a chuckle. “Mark and I have taste.”

Looking at Jaemin, you understand why you’re ten-year-old you had a crush on him. Not only is his bare presence captivating, but he also has one of the kindest souls. Never going a day without having done something good for other people. He knew exactly what to do and say to make people swoon over him, but he never used it to his advantage. Always having the purest intentions with his actions.

“You took over your parents store?”, you ask him after some seconds of silence.

“Oh, yeah. I started working here fulltime after graduating.”

You nod as you listen to him, letting your eyes wander around the store. You haven’t been here a lot, always too nervous about the possibility of running into Jaemin. Occasionally, you went in the store with your mom when she was having trouble picking out beautiful flowers and needed your help. But other than that, you always avoided the store. And now years later, you start to regret it. The flower shop is beautiful. Not only because of the endless colorful flowers filling the space, but also because of the wooden furniture giving it a cozy touch. Soft music plays in the background and an orange cat lays on one of the unoccupied chairs, snoring from deep slumber.

“Do you like working here?”, you ask him, as you your eyes meet his again.

Jaemin nods his head, looking around the shop himself with fondness in his eyes. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, and I’ve never been happier.”

You coo at him, happy that he found his place in life. “That’s wonderful to hear.”

“What about you?”, he asks you now, looking back into your eyes. “Why are you here again?” For a moment, you consider sitting down with him, telling him everything that happened over the years and everything that inspired you to come back. But you realize you have enough time to do that, not planning on leaving any time soon. So instead, you opt for a less complicated and long answer.

“It’s a long story. But I guess I just missed home and wanted to come back.”

“Well, we can always sit down and then you can tell me the longer version of your answer. How those that sound?” Another smile forms on your lips, noticing that you actually can’t stop smiling in his presence. “Sounds wonderful. You can tell me your schedule and we can figure out a day and time. I just need go now. Mark and his mom are waiting for me.”

Jaemin walks back behind the register, writing down something on a piece of paper. “Here’s my number so you can contact me.”

Taking the paper, you bid your goodbye, promising to text him as soon as you are back in your small apartment and heading to the door.

“Y/N?”, Jaemin calls out for you, making you turn back around to him, the doorknob resting in your hand. “I’m glad you’re back. We all missed you a lot.”

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

You can’t wait any longer. Sitting in your apartment makes you go crazy, when you know what could be waiting for you.

After going out for dinner with the Lee’s, you spent the rest of the night in your apartment. Pacing up and down, trying to ignore the raging urge raising in your veins. The moment you arrived today you could feel the ocean calling to you. You could feel him calling to you. And while that could just be your delusional mind playing tricks on you, trying to convince you of something that probably didn’t even happen, there was a part of you that still hopes. That still believes. You are not the thirteen-year-old naïve girl anymore. You are a grown woman. A grown woman who has a sane mind.

So why are you at the very end of the beach, far away from where the people usually spend their time on the sand, shortly after midnight? To prove something to yourself? To help those sleepless nights tossing and turning and trying to find answers to the millions of questions in your head?

You sit down on the rocks that separate you from the water. No one can see you from here. So, it’s just you. You and the soft melody of the waves crashing against the shore.

“I don’t know if you can hear me.”, you start to speak up into the darkness of the night. “I don’t even know if you’re still here. I mean it’s been five years. Why would you still show up?” You lean back on your hands, closing your eyes and letting the night breeze engulf your body. “I never forgot you, you know? All those years I’ve been thinking about you. If you are doing well and what might have happened to you. You’re probably wondering where the hell I’ve been. Well, it’s a pretty long story. My parents got scared of the rumors and the fisher disappearing, so they decided to move away. Far away from here, actually. That’s why I could never visit. But I wish I had. I didn’t realize how much I missed this town until I was gone. I didn’t realize how much I missed you.”

You scoff at your own words. “Do you know how pathetic that sounds? Everyone thought I was crazy, even my own parents. No one believed me. No one believed that you were actually real. My parents told everyone that it’s just my imagination, putting the fault on my age. But I knew I didn’t imagine you. How could I? When I felt you, right under my fingertips. Even days after the incident, I could feel the softness of your skin. I just want to know, please.”, you beg, voice coming out as a bare whimper.

“Are you still there? After all these years. I’m not leaving again. This time I’m staying, Jeno.”

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

The next days went by painfully slow. You visited the same place, sitting on the very same rocks and talking into the nothingness every single night. Not giving up your hopes. Your parents may have called you crazy, but they also didn’t raise a quitter. You know the truth and you will try again and again until you can finally be at ease.

You also have been meeting up more with Mark and Jaemin. Sometimes together, sometimes separately. It feels nice, having actual genuine friends again. The new friends you made in your old town couldn’t even be called friends. They never cared to invite you to meet ups, talked a lot about behind your back and spent their free time gossiping about everything that breaths. But they were the only people you had and so you learnt to tolerate them.

“I’m destroying you.”, Mark shouts as he follows the dance steps on the Tv. You don’t know what brought you into this situation. A Wii controller in your hand as you play Just Dance against Mark, while Jaemin sits on the couch. His belly aching from laughing at the two of you.

“Destroying me?”, you scoff. “Look at the score, I’m winning.” You must admit, after playing a few rounds, you’re out of breath. Your muscles are aching and your lungs collapsing, but you can’t let Mark win. The thought of having him brag about a win is fueling the fire inside you and makes you push through, despite your body’s complaints.

“You forget that you play against the master Just Dance player.”, Mark voice comes out in short breaths, showing the exhausting clearly.

“Is that why you lost two rounds against me?” Mark only rolls his eyes, ignoring your teasing comment and focusing on winning the game.

But as it comes to the last second, every move he makes gets declined, making you win with a huge head start.

“Take that Just Dance master.”

“That’s so unfair.”, he whines as he throws himself on the couch. “The Wii controller is ridged. I would have totally won.”

You roll your eyes into the glass of water you’re drinking. “Whatever makes you sleep at night.” Looking at the clock you let out a slight gasp. It’s already near midnight. “Oh god, it’s so late. I should head home.”

Another whine leaves Mark’s lips. “Why? I want a rematch. My ego can’t handle losing against you.”

“You’re like a little kid, Mark. We can play tomorrow again.” You grab your coat, putting it on so you don’t freeze from the cold night air.

“I will walk you home.”, Jaemin says, standing up as well and grabbing his own coat.

“Oh no, you don’t have to. If you want to stay, you can do that. Don’t worry about me.”

“No, it’s fine.” Jaemin shrugs his shoulders. “I have to open up the flower shop early tomorrow anyway, so it’s better if I go home as well.”

The walk to your apartment is, well, a bit awkward. While the both of you did hang out this week, it was just one time where you were actually alone. The other times with Mark by your side. But you don’t mind the silence. It’s nice, if you’re being honest. You enjoy not having to engage in forced small talk and just enjoying each other’s presence.

When you arrive in front of your apartment, Jaemin doesn’t bid you goodbye. Instead, he just stands there, seemingly like he wants to say something.

“Okay, spit it out. I can see that you want to say something.” Jaemin lets out a deep chuckle, raising a hand to brush the lose hair in front of his eyes away.

“Busted.”, he states, trying to break the tension that lingers in the air. “I just wanted to say that I’m really glad you’re back, Y/N. I know we didn’t have a lot of contact back when we were younger, but you were always a very dear person to me, and I was devastated when you moved.” Jaemin rubs the back of his neck, nervousness written all over his body. “I’m just glad to have you back.”

“Is that all you want to say.” He hesitates for a moment before nodding his head. “I’m glad to be back as well, Jaemin. Thank you for telling me that, it means a lot to me.”

Jaemin gives you another nod, before blowing out some air. “Well, I should better go. See you tomorrow, Y/N.”

That night you didn’t show up at the beach, too focused on Jaemins’ words. For some reason you have the feeling that it wasn’t everything Jaemin wanted to tell you that night. And it makes you wonder, what exactly made him so nervous around you?

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

When you show up the next day, you feel the difference in the air. The waves are louder, crashing hard against the rock you’re sitting on, turning its once beautiful melody into chaos.  

“I know you’re here.”, you speak up after a few minutes of silence. “I can feel you watching me, Jeno. I’m getting tired of this. Please just come out.” But as every night, you speak into the void.

“Okay, I’m leaving. I’m not in the mood to wait today.” As you get up to leave you can hear a splashing sound, louder and heavier than the waves normally make. And you know that it wasn’t a wave or a fish. You know exactly what it was.

“You weren’t here yesterday.” That voice. So familiar, but yet so strange. Sounding like dripping with honey, filling up your senses with its sweetness. Sticking onto you, and not once letting you go.

So, you turn around to look at the boy in front of you. The boy everyone told you, you imagined. The boy that has been haunting your dreams, calling for you in the ocean, having a tight grip on you. The boy that made it impossible for you to let any other guy come close to you, that made you hesitate whenever someone asked you out. And the boy that changed your life. By just one incident. Not being able to control yourself, you smile. You smile at him with relief written all over your face. This is what you’ve been waiting for. The day you couldn’t wait to come. The day you finally saw the merman, whose life you saved, again.

“Hi Jeno.”

Five years ago

Your mom always told you to be aware of the dangers that lay in the unknown. To never make rapid decisions without thinking long and hard about it. She told you to stay away from strange man on the street and only talk to people your parents already introduced you to. To never take candy from anyone you don’t know and change the side of the street when you see a white van parked close by. But your dad taught you to be kind. To smile at people on the street and greet them with a friendly hello. He told you to help when you see someone in need and never hesitate to offer to take over some chores, they aren’t able to do. To tell people kind words and take every opportunity to make someone’s day better. He told you to spread kindness all over the world, because we don’t have a lot of it anymore.

So, that’s why you hesitate as you see someone lying in the sand far away from where the visitors on the beach are, not showing any signs of being alive. It is the two different approaches on life your parents taught you, that make you stop where you’re standing and think about your options. You don’t want to get kidnapped or get into a troubled situation with a strange person. But at the same time, you want to go up to the person, see if they are still alive and help them.

As you take graduate and slow steps forward, your first worry starts to fade. You don’t see a strange man laying on the ground, but rather a young boy around your age. He’s covered in seaweed, lying face down in the sand. For a minute you think he is dead by the way he lays so still, but as you get closer, kneeling beside him, you see his back rising and falling, signaling that he is breathing. Relief washes over you, having feared that you might have to report a dead body washed up on the shore. It would be the first time.

Because of the curse creeping over your small town, it’s not an uncommon thing for people to go missing and bodies never being found. So, that would have been the first time a body was found. And you’re glad it isn’t.

Still, you kneel on the ground, not knowing what to do. Maybe you should go and tell your parents, or just any nearby adult. They probably know what’s best in this situation. But at the same time, what if it would be too late? What if you leave and when you come back the boy is either dead or even worse, gone. You can’t risk that, can you? Or maybe it’s just the fact that you don’t want to get caught here, so far away from the people on the dangerous shore with the big rocks. Your parents would ground for the rest of your life and that’s not what you want as the towns summer festival is approaching.

Reaching out a hand, you softly place it on top of the boys’ bare back, gasping as you make contact with the coldness of his skin. You shake him gently, seeing if it gets a reaction out of him, but nothing. No flinch, no fluttering of the eyes, nothing. So, you shake him harder, calling out a bunch of phrases, like ‘Hello?’ ‘Can you hear me?’ ‘Are you conscious?’. But still nothing. No reaction at all.

You look around, searching for something, anything, to get him to wake up. And as your eyes land on the salty water in front of you, you got an idea.

Standing up, you walk towards the ocean. You kneel again, forming your hands into a bowl and scooping up some water. Walking back to him, careful not to let the water drip, you do the only thing you think is left to do. You splash the water right on his face.

And almost immediately, the young boy awakens, eyes wide and mouth agape. He looks around for a few seconds, dazed and confused about where he is and how he got here. That is until his eyes land on you, looking down at him. A scream leaves his lips, and he scrambles away, trying to get into the water. But his body isn’t moving, the sand around him and the seaweed covering his body, making it hard for him to get away.

“It’s okay.”, you say with a calm voice. “I’m not here to hurt you. I just found you laying here, and I wanted to help you. You don’t have to be afraid of me.”

But that does not face the boy, he still tries to get back into the water. Crawling forward with his arms and that’s when you see it.

Something silver shimmering under the seaweed. It catches your attention immediately. Getting closer to him again, you raise your hand to push the seaweed away, gasping and backing up when you see what’s underneath.

Instead of having legs like you, the boy has a tail. A silver fish tail with scales, shimmering under the shining sun. The boy turns around to you, seeing your shocked expression. He lets out a panicked sound, wiggling around like a fish on land, which he probably is.

You watch him, shock still consuming your whole body. It’s like you can’t move anymore. Every single muscle in your body is paralyzed. And you question if this is even real. Maybe you’re just dreaming all of this and in a few seconds, you’ll wake up, relieved that it was all just in your head. You wish you could move your arm to pinch yourself, but nothing of your body is responding to you. All you can do is watch the young boy with widened eyes.

He struggles, letting out a few whines and groans before eventually giving up. He just lets his head sink down, body heaving from exhaustion.

“Are you just going to watch me struggle or help me?”, he speaks up, his voice unusually deep considering he looks so young. You shake your head, coming out of your trance before looking at his face, which was now turned to you. “And it’s rude to stare at someone’s tail, you know?”

You raise your eyebrows at him, not believing the situation that’s happening to you. Is a fish really talking to you? Well, maybe half fish. While his lower body is a fish tail, his upper body still looks human.

“So, you’re just going to let me die?”, he scoffs, rolling his eyes at you. “Great, this is not how I imagined my last day alive to be.”

“Die?”, you ask, voice breaking as you speak.

“Yeah, die. Like heart stopping. Lungs not breathing in air. That kind of dying.” You can hear him sigh, probably thinking you are dense by the way you are still staring at him. “If I don’t get into the water soon, I’ll be dead. So, please. As shocked as you are to see a merman, just help me get into the water.”

“You’re a merman?” You didn’t mean to raise your voice so high, but the absurdness of the situation isn’t making it easy for you and your brain to process.

“No, I’m a dinosaur. I’m just shapeshifting right now. Of course, I’m a merman. Why else would I have a god damn tail?” He sounds on edge, like he’s losing his patience with you.

You stand up again, walking over to him. “I will help you. Under one condition.” He sighs, signaling you to continue with whatever you are about to say. He already knows it can’t be anything good, but anything’s better than dying.

“If I help you, you have to tell me more about you and you merman life.” The boy lowers his head again, thinking about your condition.

“Okay. I’ll tell you more about me. But please help me now, I feel like I will pass out in any second.”

Taking both his hands in yours, you pull the boy towards the water. It takes you a few minutes and several tries before you’re both in the water. The water stops right above your navel. The boy swims around you, feeling strength fill up his body again.

You watch him for a while, mesmerized by the fluent movements of his body. He looks so surreal as his silver tail shines brightly whenever he dives down into the water, splashing water onto you every now and then. But you couldn’t care less. All you are interested in is witnessing a miracle, a wonder, something straight out of a movie. For a second time that day, you think it is all a dream. Surely, this can’t be reality. Mermen are just fairytales. Something made up by seaman back in the day to scare people away from the ocean. You once heard that the merpeople are ugly creatures, scales covering their body and a smile that could kill you on the spot. But looking at the boy in front of you, you realize that the stories told in your village aren’t true. Merpeople aren’t disgusting sea monsters who look like something straight out of a horror movie. The opposite, to be exact. The boy looks like art, like he belongs to a museum.

His face is sharp, with high cheekbones and a defined jawline. His eyes are big, representing those of a puppy. And his plump lips are colored like a peach, matching his skin tone perfectly. The messy black hair covers most of his eyes, but every now and then when he comes up from the water you can get a glimpse of the brown orbs.

“Hey!”, you exclaim as you see him swim further away from you. “We had a deal.”

“I know.”, he says, looking over his shoulder to meet your gaze. “Meet me tomorrow at the rocks right there.” You follow where he’s pointing at, seeing the big rocks not so far from where you are standing in the ocean. “At 11 pm. Don’t be late.”

“But my parents won’t allow me to be here at 11.”, you try to say, but he’s already swimming away. Not caring about a word you said afterwards.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

You can’t believe you’re actually doing this. It’s not like you. Never in your life have you sneaked out, not even when Mark tried to force you three weeks ago. When he was going out with the popular students at your school. Your parents raised you to be well-behaved, to listen to them. They have rules in your household and one of them is your strict curfew. You can’t go out after 8 pm, and that’s still understandable considering you’re thirteen. But this rule sticks until you’re sixteen. You have to go home at 8 every day until you’re sixteen. You can already imagine the teenager fights you will have with your parents.

But up until now you have never broken that rule. Not once in your life. That was until you met the mysterious boy.

The sand feels cool under your feet, causing goosebumps to form on your skin. Even though it’s summer, the air feels cold so far away from the town. You still feel the warmth of the sun as you climb up the rock, trying to get to the top. As you climb you wonder if this is a good idea. You don’t know if you can trust this strange boy with the silver tail, or if his intentions are to harm you. You don’t know where he comes from or why he was stranded on the shore. All of this could lead to you ending up like all these fishers, lost and never found again. But still, your curiosity got the best of you. Humans were always intrigued by the unknown.

Arriving on top of the rock, you can already see a silhouette sitting at the edge of it, leaning back on their arms with their face tilting up into the sky.

“The stars are shining so bright tonight.”, you hear the familiar voice speaking. You walk closer to the figure, soon seeing the silver tail dangling at the edge of the rock, getting splashed with the water that crashes against it. It reflects in the moon light, causing it to look like small little crystals. “Haven’t I told you it’s rude to stare at someone’s tail?”

“Sorry.”, you respond, adverting your gaze and looking right into the boy’s face. A smile adores his lips, his head croaked to the side as if he’s mocking you.

“Come here, sit down.” With slow steps you follow his instruction, sitting down beside the boy, letting your feet dangle down. “I didn’t think you would actually come.”

You shrug your shoulders, looking down at your hands that nervously fidget. “We had a deal.”

A laugh leaves his lips, and you swear in that moment, you’ve never heard a prettier sound in your entire life. It’s almost like everything about him is perfect. “You’re adorable.” Blush creeps up your cheeks upon his comment, never being called that before.

“It’s so fascinating.”, he says, placing his cold hand to your chin and lifting your face so that you’re forced to look at him. His other hand takes place on your cheek, letting his thumb run over the heated skin. “How blood rushes into humans’ cheeks when they get flustered. I heard about it, but I never witnessed it myself.” He leans closer, eyes scanning your face. His scent takes up all your scenes. The salt of the water on his skin and the hint of something sweet. Vanilla? “I’ve never been this close to a human before.”

You take a shaky breath, trying to calm down your fast beating heart. “I’ve never been this close to a merman before.”, you remark, voice coming out as a whisper.

He lets out a small laugh, leaning back again, placing his hands back on the rock. “You didn’t even know I existed until yesterday.”

“That’s true.”, you nod, pulling your knees up on your chest so you can rest your head on them. “But I know now.”

“Yes, you know now.” There is something lingering in his voice. Like a hidden meaning behind his words, but you don’t know what it could be. “What do you want to know?”

“Are there more of you?”

“Yes.”, he nods. “A whole town, but we’re far down in the water. No human could ever find us. Even if they tried, they wouldn’t make it. And if by some weird accident a human does make it into our town, they will be taken care of by our guards.”

“What does your town look like.”

“It’s colorful. Corals allowed us centuries ago to use them as homes under the condition that we take good care of them. They give the town the prettiest colors. We also use a lot of shells, big shells, to decorate around the town.”, he stops for a few seconds, thinking about how he can explain it to you. “It’s nothing like your little human town. It is a kingdom, and it looks like that. Tall columns surround our castle and there are sharks, dolphins, and seahorses swimming around at all times. Most of them guard us, others are our friends. The castle itself is mostly built from bricks and stones we found back then, to make it as stable as possible. It’s large, larger than your town with thousands of fish swirling inside. We also use ship wracks as a warehouse for our belongings.”

“Are there a lot of sea people living in the kingdom?”

He snorts at the choice of your words, looking at you with amusement glinting in his eyes. “Sea people. That’s a funny way to describe us. But yeah, a lot of sea people live there. I can’t tell you any numbers, but it’s a lot.”

You nod, trying to picture what it must look like where he comes from. It must be beautiful, breathtaking. And a part of you wishes you could go with him to see it for yourself.

“If there is a kingdom, you must have a king and a queen.”, you remark, looking at him curiously.

“A king and three princes. You’re talking to one of them right now.”

A gasp leaves your lips, louder than you had  expected it to be. “You’re the prince?” He nods at your question, showing you a charming smile. And you see it, as you’re looking at him for longer. It’s what you see in movies. The charming smile, the confident posture, the cocky attitude. “Oh god, it makes so much sense now.”

“What makes sense?”

“That you’re a prince. You’re too cocky for your own good that can only come from being treated like royalty.” He lets out another laugh, loving how honest you are. “Like come on what kind of mermen voluntarily meets up with a potentially dangerous human? Only a prince who’s already confident by being praised every day.”

“Dangerous? You are far from being dangerous.”, humor laces his voice, but all you do is glare at the young boy.

“How do you know? What if I end up kidnapping you? You should feel scared.”

“Don’t get me wrong.”, he says, turning his body so he’s facing you. The boy leans down his face, his nose almost touching yours. “I was terrified at first. When I saw you, I thought that I was captured by humans and that it will be my last day alive, but then you froze up like a glacier and I knew you were as shocked to see me as I was to see you.” One of his hands graces your cheek again, feeling the heat return yet again. “And then earlier I saw the way you react to me. The heated cheeks, the goosebumps on your skin and I knew, you aren’t danger.” Leaning back again, the boy shows you a satisfied grin. “And anyway, you couldn’t even fight me if you tried to. You’re just a little girl.”

“Little girl?”, you let out outraged. “I’m thirteen.”

“And I’m fifteen. Two years’ worth of more experience, in any department.” You just roll your eyes, folding your arms and looking back into the ocean with a scowl. Little girl, as if you were a little girl. Just because he’s older and stronger build doesn’t mean you couldn’t easily fight him. “But you’re my brothers age.”

Your scowl disappears and you look back at him. “You have a brother?”

He smiles again as he sees your face, scooting a bit closer again, but just to rest his shoulder against yours. “I have two. Fourteen and thirteen and go on my nerves every single day.”

“I wish I had brothers.”, you tell him with a pout on your lips. “Any sibling would be cool. I was always alone. I had to play alone, eat alone. It got so bad to the point where I created imaginary friends and would talk to them all day long.” You chuckle at the memories of three-year-old you. It’s hard to believe at what a young age you can feel loneliness so present. “That was until Mark came into my life.”

“Mark.”, he repeats the name. “Is he your boyfriend?”

“Mark? No, he’s my best friend. We’ve been friends for almost ten years now.” You smile as you talk about much, showing the value you feel for your friendship.

“So, you don’t have a boyfriend? Any boy that you’re interested in?”, he asks, making your cheeks turn into a slight shade of pink again.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. But there is a guy I like. His name is Jaemin, but he is…”, you stop yourself, shrugging as you don’t know how to describe Jaemin. He is the nicest boy you’ve met. With a kind smile and an even kinder personality. But he’s also popular, a bit too popular for your liking.

“He is?”, the boy in front of you asks, persistently wanting to know about Jaemin.

“He is just Jaemin. A lot of girls have a crush on him. I don’t think I have a chance.”, you shrug another time, trying to hide the hurt you feel.

“Then don’t try.”

“What?”, you exclaim, looking at the boy with confusion. “Why?”

“I don’t know.”, he admits. “Just don’t try.” But before you can say anything, the boy sits up abruptly. Every bit of comfort that was in his body drained within seconds. He looks down at the ocean, with wide eyes and you swear you can see his chest raising and falling faster. In front of you isn’t the carefree, confident boy you spent your night with. Suddenly he is tense, his eyes hardened. You look down as well, trying to see what he’s seeing in the ocean. But all you see is blackness.

“I have to go.”, he says, already making an effort to climb down the rock.

“What why?”, you ask, not wanting him to leave yet.

“I have to go. My father is searching for me, and he can’t find out I’m here. Meet me tomorrow at the same time, okay?”

But before you can answer he is gone within the ocean. Leaving you alone in the cold, dark night with your thoughts spiraling in your head.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Looking at him now, you don’t see the little boy he once was. This is not the carefree, cocky little prince. This is a man. His features matured, showing the years you haven’t seen. His body changed as well. Muscles spread around the smooth skin. His tail a slightly darker shade of silver, but still shimmering and shining under the moonlight. Jenos’ hair still has the same color, black like the night sky, but it’s longer and messier. But what changed the most are his eyes. The big brown eyes turned smaller, almost like he’s in a constant scowl, keeping tension in his forehead. They don’t spread warmth and comfort anymore. They are cold and emotionless.

“What are you doing here?”, he asks. His voice far from sounding friendly.

“I came back.”, you answer him, hope gleaming in your eyes.

“Why would you do that?”, he averts his gaze, looking into the ocean and away from you like he’s ashamed to be talking to you.

“Why? Because I wanted to. I missed this town.” It’s only half the truth, but you don’t want to scare him away. It’s been five years since you saw each other and the last thing you want is to make him leave again. You want to enjoy this moment for as long as he allows you to.

“Tell me the truth. I know you’re not telling me everything.” Without even looking at you, he can sense that your answer isn’t all you wanted to say. But it doesn’t surprise you. Jeno knows how to read people. He watched them for such a long time to be able to understand their body language or the sound of voice perfectly.

“I came back because I wanted to see you again.” He scoffs at that, and you can see him lowering his head. You wish you could see him right now. See the emotions on his face, but he keeps his back turned to you.

“Five years, Y/N. I waited five years for you to come here and say this.”, he turns around to you, face empty of emotions. “I waited every single day for you to come back, but you never did. I waited and waited, but not once did you show up.” He shakes his head, letting little water droplets fall to the ground. “I thought you were dead. For three years I thought something happened and you died. I had to live with that thought because what could I have done? Grow a pair of legs and ask the people in the town about you?”

Tears fill his eyes, but he blinks them away, not wanting to let you see how much this hurts him. “It was until one night they threw a party here. Underaged high school students taking over the beach with their cheap beers and loud music. A crying Mark was here getting comforted by Jaemin. They sat here, at this exact spot. They sat on our rock. Mark kept on talking about how much he misses you and how he wished you were here. And Jaemin told him that you are probably happy where you are. I thought that my theory got confirmed and I wanted to leave to mourn for you, but that was until Mark spoke up again. He said that it’s unfair that you had to move away and leave him here alone, but that he hopes you are happy in the new town. And that you find a better best friend than him. One that doesn’t suddenly ignore all your calls just because something tragic has happened in his life.” Jeno stops for a second, taking a big breath. “You never told me you were moving. You never told me you were actually leaving me and never coming back, Y/n. But still, I waited here. Every single day I waited because I hoped you would come back one day and miss me as much as I missed you. Why didn’t you just tell me? Why couldn’t you just let me let you go?”

Tears stream down your face as you listen to how his voice cracks with all the emotions he’s been holding back. “Because you told me to never talk to you again.”

He scoffs, wiping away the salty tears on his face. “I never thought you would listen to me. You never did before that.”

“But you sounded so sincere. I thought you didn’t want me in your life.”

He shakes his head again, eyes finding yours. “I can’t live a life where you aren’t in it, Y/n.” Speechless by his sudden confession, you just stare at him. A million thoughts in your head, but not one forming into a sentence.

“Has Mark ever told you why he was crying that night?”, he asks after a few seconds of silence. You shake your head, raising your hand and wiping away your own tears.

“You should talk to him.”, Jeno says, voice laced with sympathy. “Ask him about his dad.”

“His dad? What happened?”, you croak out.

“It’s not my place to tell you, but all I know is that he needs you. Even two years later, he still needs you.”

“But what about us?” Jeno shakes his head, signaling you not to speak.

“It’s okay. We have time. Mark needs you more now.” And for the first time since you saw each other again, he shows you a smile. A small one, which you almost didn’t notice. “Meet me here tomorrow at the same time and we can talk about everything, okay?”

You just nod, not knowing what to do add. Jeno turns around again. After glancing one last time at you, he lets himself fall into the water. Leaving you in the dark, cold night yet again.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Mark sounded tired when he answered the phone, but you didn’t care. You needed to talk to him now and find out what Jeno meant.

Now you sit on his bed, thinking about a way to speak to Mark. You don’t know what happened to his dad or why Mark didn’t tell you about it, but you also don’t want to assume the worst. Maybe Mark just forgot to tell you, considering it hasn’t been long since you’re back.

“Okay, what’s up?”, he asks after a while, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “You didn’t call me at 3 am just to sit here and not say anything.”

You sigh, turning towards Mark. His hair is a mess, sticking out in every direction. He dyed it blonde a few days ago, talking about wanting change in his life. And you have to admit that this hair color really suits him. Especially since he’s also been growing his hair out a bit. There are obvious eye bags under his eye, showing the lack of sleep he’s been getting. You don’t really know why. Maybe something has been keeping him awake lately. You feel bad for waking him up, but you couldn’t wait until the next day. Jeno’s words not leaving your head.

“Mark, you’re my best friend and I just want you to know that if anything’s wrong, you can always talk to me.”, you start, looking him directly in the eyes. And you think Mark knows what’s about to come. You can see it in his eyes.  

“You know?”, he asks, voice wavering a bit. You just slightly nod, scooting closer to him to take his hands in yours. “I wanted to tell you, I swear. When it happened, all I wanted to do was call you and tell you about it, but I couldn’t. You started a new life, and I didn’t want to take that away from you, or make you feel bad for it. And when you came back, all I wanted to do was spend my time with you. Make up for all the time we lost. I didn’t want to bother you with my problems, I just wanted back what we once had when we were kids. A carefree friendship.”

You feel so much in this situation. Sympathy, regret, sadness, grief, hope. But on top of it all, you feel proud. Mark had to go through all of this. Not alone, since he had his mother and Jaemin, but he still had to endure the pain of losing a very important person in his life. And instead of being selfish and calling you when he needed you, he decided not to. Just to make you have a carefree life. Just so you don’t have to worry about it. Mark is the most selfless person you know. And you are proud to call him your friend.

“Mark, you should’ve called me. No matter where I am in the world, I would always choose you. I would drop everything I’m doing just to see you. And I know it’s not what you want, but it’s what you deserve.” Mark wipes away a stray tear sliding down his cheek with one hand, squeezing your hand with the other. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was a stupid car accident.”, he starts, tears filling his eyes as he remembers the incident. But you know he needs this, so you hold his hand tighter and give him all your attention. Because you need it too, even if you’re not aware of it. And for the rest of the night, you talk about everything you missed in the past few years.

Five years ago

The breeze in your hair feels different, colder, and sharper than before. The waves are louder, crashing against the shore as if a storm is about to begin. You don’t know what the weird feeling in your belly means. If it’s just the nerves about seeing Jeno, or something deeper, something you should be worried about.

Jeno is late, which is a first. In the three weeks you’ve been hanging out, he was always here before you, but this time is different. This time you are the one to sit on the icy rock, shivering from the wind as you wait for him to arrive. You brought a book, one of your favorites. Jeno loves it when you read to him, finding it oddly comforting. He finds it fascinating how humans can come up with such bizarre stories, planning them out to an extent, and making money off them. But he doesn’t complain, he wants you to read to him every night.

“You’re late.”, you say as he climbs up the rock, his body dripping from the salty water. Even though the two of you met up a bunch of times now, you’re still in awe every time you see him. Jeno knows that and he’s been taking advantage of it more than you like.

“Take a picture, it lasts longer.”, he teases with his signature grin. Eyes disappearing into small half-moons.

“You’re so funny, Jeno.”, you say, rolling your eyes at him. “Don’t distract from the subject. You’re late. Hasn’t anyone told you that it’s rude to stand up a woman?”

“First of all,”, he begins speaking, brushing the wet hair out of his face. “I didn’t stand you up, I’m here now. And second, you’re hardly a woman.”

A gasp leaves your lips, punching his arm slightly. “You’re being mean again. You know I can just leave.”

“No!”, he exclaims, grabbing your wrist to prevent you from standing up. “Don’t leave, please.” His eyes are wide, filled with panic. And for a moment everything is silent. You look down at his hand and tight grip he has on you, wondering what has gotten into him.

“I was just joking.”, you say, trying to calm him down. “Are you okay? What was that reaction?”

He blows out the air he’s been holding and let’s go of your wrist. “Sorry. I don’t know what just happened. I just thought you would actually leave before we could spend time together. Before you could read to me.”

You nod, not convinced by his statement, but trying not to overthink it too much. “Do you want me to start reading now?” He nods at that, turning his body so he can see you better. “This is actually a poem book. I got it from the old thrift shop two years ago. I will read you one that I really like. It’s called ‘Deep Ocean Blues’ and is by an anonymous writer.”

“In the depth Of her lonely ocean blues Neither lost nor found at sea, She buried her dreams Deeper than she could reach And she made herself a humble home Tucked underneath the ocean floor

She found the familiar In the darkness of the water Like a magnificent storm Blue almost black almost gone — Hazy memories floating Reminding her Of what she could’ve been Now crushed and washed away

The more time she spent there The more she began to crave, The weight of water Crashing onto her skin Vast dark space holding her close Like her old dear friend Did way back when

Loneliness He welcomed her back Every time she swam in — He’d play her an old blues song Deep muddy waters Just for her Melancholy fanfare To keep her hypnotized

Mesmerized By the sound of his ocean song, She knew loneliness And treacherous waters Could always find her here Dancing with solace Right on the ocean floor”

Jeno hangs on to every word you read, mesmerized by the words and the meaning behind them. He swears that no other book tops this form of writing. He heard about poems before from visitors at the beach, but he’s never got to actually hear one himself. But he understands the popularity of them. It’s so different from what you’ve read before. It is unique and beautiful.

“Did you like it?”, you ask, looking up from the book. Jeno nods at you with glossy eyes. As you see that, you scoot closer to him, leaving the book lying on the rock as you gently place a hand on top of his. “Everything okay?”

He shakes his head frustrated by this situation, frustrated by what he has to do. Jeno tries to keep his emotions down, to not show you what this is doing to him, but he’s failing. He’s failing miserably and it only makes it harder for him.

“I’m so sorry.”, he whispers, small tears rolling down his face. You reach up, wiping each one away. “This is the last time we will see each other.”

You pause, your hand falling into your lap. “What?”

“I’m so sorry, I wish this could be different. I wish I could sit here forever with you and have you read to me, but this has to end. For your sake and for mine.”

“But why?” The sadness in your eyes destroys him. Jeno knows this sight will haunt him for as long as he lives, but he has to do it. If his father and all the residents of his town find out what he’s doing every night, they will come for him. And you probably as well. They will find a way, he knows that. Nothing is more important than to hide from the human world, to not expose the secret they’ve been keeping for centuries.

“Don’t ever talk to me again. Don’t come here anymore. Please just leave and forget about me.”

“Forget about you?”, you raise your voice, outraged by his proposition. “How do you expect me to forget about you?”

Jeno rubs his temples. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but he didn’t think he would feel his heart break into a million pieces. “Please do me this one favor. Leave. Don’t search for me again because I won’t be here.”

Jeno leaves over, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead. So soft that if you hadn’t smelled the salty scent of his skin, you would not have felt it. “Goodbye, Y/n.”

“No.” You try to reach him, but he’s faster, dodging your hand. “Don’t leave me, Jeno. Please. You can’t leave me.” Tears stream down your face, blurring your vision. You furiously wipe them away to see again. But as you open your eyes, Jeno is gone. Vanished. Like he was never there in the first place.

For the next two weeks you showed up at the same place, hoping to find Jeno again. But he was never there. He kept his promise of not coming again, but you never lost hope. You told your parents about it, hoping they would believe you. But they didn’t. They told you to stop being childish and imagine stuff. Even Mark laughed at you, telling you that he loves your imagination.

And after those two weeks, you started to doubt it yourself. Maybe you did imagine Jeno after all. But it all felt so real. Every lingering touch, every conversation. It all felt real.

Hope became your best friend that day.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Jeno doesn’t know what to feel as he makes his way back home with slow swings of his fin. Is he supposed to feel happy? Relieved? Angry? Betrayed? Is it possible to feel all those emotions at once?

When he saw you again after such a long time, he wanted to wrap you in his arms and make sure you would never leave him again. But at the same time, he wanted to scream at you, get all the pent-up frustration and pain out. Jeno wanted you to feel what he felt over the past five years.

Because he did suffer.

At first, he was in shock. Shock of what he said to you, of how he left you. Jeno couldn’t believe he actually sent you away and told you to not ever talk to him again. He didn’t realize what that actually meant to him. Never in his fifteen years of life has he spoken to a person in this way before, always choosing to be nice and gentle, even teasing, and cocky sometimes – though that side mostly came out when he was spending time with you. He couldn’t believe it and he didn’t want to.

After that came denial. He thought that if he just told himself over and over again that it didn’t happen his brain would eventually believe him. If he just suppressed his thoughts about you, he would eventually forget about you. If he just stopped visiting those rocks, he would not long for you anymore. But that never happened. Jeno found himself coming back to the place after waiting two weeks. Every single night, he came back.  He waited in the water, looking out for you, but you never showed up.

The next phase was the worst. Anger. Neither Jeno, nor any other person in his life could recognize him at that time. He started lashing out more, destroying small things that once had meaning to him. Everyone got worried because they couldn’t believe that this was the once so kind prince. Especially his brothers. They tried many times to talk to him, get him to open up to them, but they failed every single time. Even though one brother knew more than the other.

Bargain. Jeno doesn’t like to remember this time. He felt pathetic, weak, pitiable. He was making promises every day to himself, trying to convince himself that he could fix this. That he could fix the two of you. Jeno tried to negotiate with whatever higher power there was to help him get you back, but nothing happened. Nothing helped and nothing changed.

Next up, Jeno was sad. Humans would say he had symptoms of depression. Nothing could make him smile, not even his brothers who normally light up his day just with their presence. Jeno didn’t want to swim around the town to help the people or discuss plans for expansion with his father. All he wanted was to be with you. To sit on your rock, talk about everything and nothing and hold your hand once again. Jeno never thought he would miss someone’s touch so much. Worse enough that he never saw you around again. Not at the beach with Mark nor at any other town event that he could get a glimpse of. It was like you had vanished or maybe something worse.

Lastly, the upward turn. The feeling you get right after the depression lifts. After he overheard the conversation Mark had with Jaemin, Jeno felt relaxed knowing nothing happened to you. Part of him was sad that he would never see you again, but the other part was happy for you. All he ever wanted for you was to live the life you sought, to be happy and carefree. Jeno started to slowly become who he once was again. He spent more time with the people in his town, his brothers and his best friend, Aiya. He felt like he could start over again. Begin a new life, a life that sadly doesn’t involve you.

Acceptance never came. Jeno still lays in bed sometimes, thinking about you and everything he could have done differently. He wonders if you miss him as much as he misses you. If you feel the same longing that he feels. The longing to hear your voice again, touch your skin, and feel the weird swirling in his belly. He fantasizes about you waiting for him on the rock, your beautiful smile welcoming him. He thinks about it so often that when it actually happened, he couldn’t believe his eyes. There you sit, with a beautiful dress on. Your hair gently swaying in the night breeze. Jeno thought it was his mind playing tricks on him, that he was officially losing it. But then he heard your voice, the melody to his song. You talked to him for a few minutes, not knowing he could hear you. And he wanted to say something. He wanted to go up and talk to you, confess how much he missed you, but he couldn’t. It was like he was frozen.

And for the next few nights, the same routine continued. You talked to him, while he just listened to you. And then you were gone again. You didn’t show up and he thought that yet again he messed up. He thought that if he had just sucked up the courage to talk to you, you wouldn’t have left again. But when you showed up again the next day, he knew he had to take this opportunity. He had to talk to you. And that’s what he did.

“I swear if I find him, he’s going to get the lecture of his life.”, Jeno hears a familiar voice mumble not far away from him. A smirk appears on his lips, as he gets an idea. He swims behind a coral, waiting for the voice to come closer before jumping out.

“Talking about me?”, he says, watching the orange clownfish gasp in shock. A laugh bubbles out Jenos’s throat at the shocked expression on the fishes’ face.

“You scared the living bubble out of me.”, she exclaims, frowning at the merman in front of her. Jeno can’t help but let out an even louder laugh, loving the reaction he’s getting. “You think that’s funny?”

“I’m sorry, Aiya.”, Jeno mumbles between chuckles. “You just looked so cute. The way you got shocked.” His best friend rolls her eyes, letting out a huff of annoyance. Jeno knows that calling a fish his best friend might sound weird to some people, but to him it is the most normal thing ever. He grew up with Aiya, always having her around. They went through thick and thin together and he seriously couldn’t imagine a life without her in it.

“You’re lucky I’m the one who found you.”, she says, swimming around the merman. “The king is searching for you and if your brothers would have found you, then-“

“Then what?”, before Aiya could finish her sentence, she gets interrupted by another voice. Turning around, Jeno is faced with the presence of two mermen. To be exact, the probably most important mermen in his life.

“Chenle.”, Jeno calls the name of his brother with a smile. “Nice to see you. And you too Jisung. You got a haircut?” The said boy shows his brother a sheepish smile, nodding his head excitedly.

“Don’t try to distract from the obvious right now.” Not once in his life could Jeno fool Chenle. Chenle has always been attentive, watching Jenos’ every move. It was different with Jisung. The clumsy boy had to put his constant focus on not breaking things or getting caught into an underwater swirl.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” This lame excuse even makes Aiya let out a frustrated sigh. Jeno was never good at lying or hiding anything. Especially not from those close to him. He is an open book, always eager to share the exciting things in his life. So, when he first met you, he almost couldn’t contain himself. He wanted to tell the whole world about you, but he couldn’t.

“Is it about the girl?”, Chenle asks, eyeing his brother suspiciously. In this moment Jeno wished he wasn’t so transparent. He could just deny it, move on and never let the others know, but his hesitation already calls him out. “So, it is.”

“What girl?”, Jisung asks, titling his head to the side. You can almost see the question mark appearing on top of his head.

“Jeno met a girl five years ago. A human girl. He hung out with her for a couple of weeks but sent her away so that dad couldn’t find out about her.”, Chenle explains to his brother, earning a shocked look.

“That’s why dad was so suspicious of Jenos’ whereabouts back then and Jeno was depressed for such a long time.” Chenle nods, looking back at Jeno who nervously bites his lower lip.

“Is she back?” This time another voice speaks up. It’s Aiya who asks the question. He can see the worry in her eyes. Everyone knows what that means. They know what danger comes with interacting with humans. But they also know what happened to Jeno last time.

“She is.”, Jeno confirms, lowering his gaze to the ground.

“What are you going to do?” That’s a question Jeno doesn’t know how to answer. He doesn’t know what he will do, what he wants to do. If he wants to part ways with you again considering your different lives. Or if he wants to be selfish and see you every night like you did five years ago. If he wants to follow his feelings and let himself fall even harder than before.

“I don’t know.”, he answers honestly, earing sympathetic gazes from the three around him.

“It’s okay.”, Jisung speaks up, having all eyes focus on the younger boy. “You don’t have to know right now. Sleep a night over it and then follow whatever your heart desires most.” The young lays his hand on his older brother’s shoulder. “You’ve always been a person I looked up to. Do you know why? Because you make the decisions that work best for everyone. You always know what to do, even in the most difficult situations. Even in situations that would make most people insane over. You will figure this one out as well. I know you will.”

Jeno feels his heart clench, never having heard such sweet words from his younger brothers’ mouth before. “We should go.”, Chenle utters. “Before dad sends out a search petrol for all of us.”

Beginning to swim in the direction of the castle, Jeno catches up with the small clown fish, who swims unusually fast. “Are you in a hurry or why are you racing back home?”, he asks.

“No.”, Aiya answers a bit too fast. “I’m not in a hurry. I’m swimming normal. The way I always swim.”

“Is it because of Jungwon?” Upon hearing the name, the fish stops for a second, before presuming to swim as if nothing happened.

“Jungwon? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jungwon, another clown fish, just moved into a coral in your kingdom with his family, having been lost in the sea for a long time. Your dad welcomed them with open arms, offering them a home to stay in permanently. Aiya and him got along almost immediately, striking up conversations whenever they could, leaving lingering gazes whenever the other one wasn’t watching. Only a fool wouldn’t notice the obviousness of the situation. That fool is Aiya.

“You’re meeting him again today?” Jeno watches his best friend’s reaction closer, trying to read her expression, but she’s not letting anything show. She just continues to swim, ignoring Jeno completely. “Well, I just want to tell you I’m happy for you. Jungwon seems very nice. I hope that whatever the two of you have turns into something beautiful.”

Leaving it like that, Jeno enters the kingdom, waving at the other mermen and mermaids, showing smiles to the fish and sharks. He enters the castle, swimming up to where his fathers’ throne was.

“Before you go.”, Chenle stops him. “Be nice, okay? Father is on edge today.” Jeno nods, slightly worried about that knowledge. But he doesn’t let that face him.

“Jeno.”, his father speaks up with his loud voice, sitting up to be able to look at his oldest son better. A big scepter in his hand and a crown on his head. As long as Jeno can remember his dad has always had white long hair and a white beard, making him look less intimidating. “You kept me waiting.”

“I’m sorry father. I was out helping the villagers.” His father nods shortly, motioning him to come closer, which he does.

“Jeno, what I’m telling you now is something that will stay between the two of us. Don’t tell it your brothers or your little fish friend, you got me?” Jeno shakes his head in agreement, heart already beating faster at what is about to come. “I’m getting old. I can feel my bones weakening and while it’s not my time to go yet, I can’t rule a kingdom like this. You are twenty now. You’re old enough to become a king.”

“What are you saying?”, Jeno stutters out, eyes wide in pure shock.

“What I’m saying is that in two weeks I’m stepping down from my position as king and I will crown you as the next king. I trained you for this your whole life, and I think it’s time.” Jeno doesn’t know what to say, overwhelmed by everything he just heard. “I will get everything ready. Tomorrow will start the preparation, so let’s meet again after breakfast.”

All Jeno can do is nod, before turning around and leaving the room. He realizes he has two weeks left. Two weeks until he will be king. Two weeks until he has to make a decision about the two of you.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

You’ve never been this nervous in your whole life. Not when you had to hold a presentation in front of 100 students or when you were seven and your mom made you read the poem you wrote out loud to your whole family. Nothing compares to how you feel when you climb up the rock and see Jeno sitting here. For a while you just watch him. You watch his back glittering from the salt on his skin under the moonlight. You listen to the splashing sound his tail makes as the waves of the ocean crash against it. You prepare yourself for what is about to come, fearing that this might take a turn you don’t want it to.

“You’re so beautiful.”, is the first thing you say to him. And you could slap yourself in the face for such a cringey sentence. Jeno just chuckles, turning his body so he faces you.

“What a nice greeting. I could get used to that.” He holds out his hand, gently guiding you to sit beside him. “You look beautiful as well, Y/n. But it’s no surprise, you’ve always been beautiful.” The familiar heat is rushing back into your cheeks before you can even stop it. No man has ever made you do that. Countless have tried, but only Jeno could make you blush like a little schoolgirl.

“I see you still have your way with words.” You keep your tone light, teasing. Not wanting to add on to the tension that still hangs in the air.

“That’s one thing that hasn’t changed.”, he says, a deeper meaning behind those words. He intertwines your fingers with his, tugging you a bit closer to him. Jeno knows he may be moving fast, but he has waited so long to be close to you again. He’s longing to feel you again, wanting nothing more than to hold you in his arms again. You comply, scooting closer until your thigh touches his tail. It’s a weird, yet familiar feeling.

Jeno smiles at you, lifting his other hand to tug a lose strand of hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry for yesterday. When I saw you, all the emotions I held in started rushing out. I never should’ve let that out on you. I’m sorry.”

You shake your head gently, not wanting to hear an apology from him. “You don’t need to apologies for voicing your thoughts and emotions. I’m glad you did. If you hadn’t done it, I would have never known how much I meant to you.” You take a deep breath, tasting the salty air on your tongue. “Moving was the hardest thing I’ve had to do, because it meant I had to leave the things I love behind. My friends, my school, and you. Not one day has passed that I didn’t think about you. I never forgot about you, even though you told me to. I have to admit, I had a phase where I thought I imagined you. That I made you up because I was lonely, but I quickly realized that that’s stupid. I could have never imagined something as wonderful as you.” You watch a single tear drop fall down the boys’ face and you quickly raise your hand to wipe it away. “I’m sorry for leaving and I’m sorry for never telling you. If I could, I would redo everything, but since that’s not possible, let’s live in the here and now.”

Jenos’ smile gets even bigger, consuming his whole face and forming his eyes into little halfmoons. “Thank you for telling me that. I really needed to hear that.” You just shrug your shoulders, trying to play it off, but it’s not working. Jeno sees right through you. “Can I kiss you?”

The question comes unexpected, catching you off guard. Your mouth gets dry, and your head empties of any thoughts. It’s like your brain stopped working, unable to give commands to the rest of your body. The only thing you can do is nod. You can hear Jeno mumbling a small ‘cute’ but you don’t pay attention to that. Because the next thing you feel is Jenos’ hand on your cheek, leaning down until your noses are touching. He looks into your eyes one last time, before closing the remaining space and placing his lips on yours.

Fireworks light up in the sky. Sirens are heard all over the world. Suddenly you understand all those love songs. This feeling is worth writing a three-minute pop hit about.

Jeno kisses you with such gentleness as if you are porcelain and kissing you harder would break you into a million pieces. His lips are soft, slightly chapped but nevertheless soft. The hand on your cheek gently caresses your skin, making your heart skip a beat. Your hands are on his sides, touching the exposed skin. Jeno shudders a bit as you stroke his rib cage, swallowing a small groan that threatened to leave his lips. He pulls you even closer until you’re on your knees, chest touching his. He can’t get enough of the feeling of your lips, and neither can you. Enjoying every last bit of it until you eventually have to force yourselves apart to breath.

Jeno leaves a few gentle kisses on your cheek, making his way to your neck. He innocently places a kiss on the place where your neck meets your shoulder, giving it a few kitten licks, before lifting his head again to look at you. His eyes are small, pupils dilated, feeling as if he was high. Maybe he was high, and your kisses are his drugs.

“I never want to stop doing that.”, he says, his voice raspy and deeper than before. It sets a set of butterflies free in your belly.

“Me neither.”, you admit, still panting from the kiss. You let your head drop on his shoulder, smiling to yourself at what just happened. Jeno wraps and arm around your waist, also not being able to fight his own smile.

“How was your talk with Mark?”, Jeno asks after a while.

“It was okay.”, you answer with a sigh. “As okay as it can be. But we talked for a long time, and I think it brought us closer as well. So, I count it as a success.”

Jeno squeezes your waist, affirming that he’s glad to hear that. He knows how much Mark means to you. That’s why he’s genuinely happy you two could work it out.

Having Jeno so close while the waves form a gentle melody, you can feel your limps getting heavy and your eyes dropping every now and then. You can’t help the yawn that leaves your lips either, making Jeno chuckle.

“It’s time for you to go to bed.”, he says, but you just whine in responds. You don’t want to leave, loving this moment too much to let it go. “It’s okay, my love. We will see each other tomorrow again.”

“Promise?” You look up to him, searching his eyes for an honest answer, which he gives you with a small smile on his lips.

“I promise. Get home safe and sleep well. I will be here, waiting for you.”

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Dazed. That’s how you feel as two weeks pass by. Jeno and you have been meeting up every single night, talking to each other, playing games, and most importantly kissing. Most of your time together was spent kissing. You never leave without having your lips sore.

You feel like you’re floating on a cloud, tasting the sweetness of eternity. Those two weeks were the happiest you’ve ever been and that didn’t go unnoticed by your friends. Mark has been asking you questions about it nonstop, wanting to know who your secret boyfriend is. But you keep your mouth shut, telling him there is no secret boyfriend. Even though both of you know that’s a lie.

Currently helping Jaemin transport an order of flowers to his costumer, you notice how quiet he was. Jaemin has always been quiet, more reserved, but not like that. He would always talk to you, ask you about your day, but not today. Today he seems distant, deeply kept up by his thoughts.

“Are you okay?”, you decide to ask him, trying not to let the flowers in your hand fall to the ground. When Jaemin asked you to help him carry the flowers across the town, you hesitated. He never asked you for your help. But being the nice person you are, you eventually agreed. Now you at least have the nice sent of the freshly trimmed flowers right under your nose.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine.”, he says, seeming like he just got woken up by a daydream. You let out a chuckle at that, watching his slightly startled expression.

“You sure? You seem a bit off today.” Jaemin shakes his head, trying to find the right words. “But you don’t have to tell me.”, you add. “If you don’t want to talk about what’s going on, I totally accept that. But I’m always here if you need me.” The boy smiles at you, showing off his teeth. You’ve always loved how Jaemin smiled, so bright and full of joy. It’s what caught your attention first and what eventually made you fall for him.

“There is something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”, he starts, his voice raising a bit like he’s trying to build up the confidence to say whatever has been on his mind. You just nod, signaling him to continue.

“Ever since we’ve been children, I’ve had the biggest crush on you. I loved how kind you were to the people around you, how you never judged anyone, how you didn’t let stupid stereo types cloud your vision. You opened your arms to everyone without hesitating. That’s what amazed me about you. I loved how you could sing every song that played on the radio, how the moment you walked into a room the sun started to shine brighter, and how no matter what happened you always saw something positive in everything.” He smiles to himself, fond of those memories. “But I never felt good enough. I never felt like I was worthy to love you, worthy to have you. I thought I had to become a better human before I can even consider trying to be in your life.”

“You not enough?”, you ask, shock lacing your voice. “Jaemin you were more than enough. Every girl in school had a crush on you because you were the definition of perfect.”

You can see his cheeks turning into a light shade of red, but before you can comment on it, he speaks up again. “Don’t try to distract from what I want to say.” You hold up your hands in defeat, making a zipping motion over your mouth. “Before I could ask you out, you moved away, and I thought I would never see you again. I thought I would never have the chance to ask you out. But that was until you came back. All the emotions I thought were gone over the years came back with one look into your eyes.” He sighs, nervously running a hand through his hair. “I feel like I’m finally good enough for you, Y/n. So, will you go on a date with me?”

You stop walking, mouth agape and eyes wide. This is what your twelve-year-old you was waiting for. The Na Jaemin asking you out on a date. But instead of feeling ecstatic, jumping into the air and screaming your lungs out, you felt sorry. The minute you met Jeno you knew that what you felt for Jaemin wasn’t even close to what real love would feel. The small crush couldn’t compare to actual feelings. And it didn’t change. Your heart is still beating fast, but not for Jaemin anymore.

“Jaemin, god, I feel so stupid.”, you start saying, not knowing how to put your thoughts into words.

“There’s someone else, right?”, he asks, making you look up to him with wide eyes. “Mark told me about it. But he said that you told him there wasn’t anyone, so I thought I could try my luck. Apparently, luck isn’t on my side.”

“I’m so sorry.”, you start to apologies, but Jaemin just shakes his head, waving his hand in the air.

“Don’t apologies for your feelings, or the lack of those. It’s okay. I mean it sucks, but rejection is part of life.” He nods, trying to convince himself more than you.

You stand there, silence surrounding the two of you. Jaemin looks at you after a few seconds, a small smile on your lips. “Whoever he is, I hope he is treating you the way you deserve to be treated.”

You nod at his words, trying not to let the tear that’s threatening to leave your eye go.

“And if you ever find yourself in the situation where he isn’t there taking up all your thoughts, I’ll be waiting for you. Until you’re ready for me.”

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

“Jaemin asked me on a date.”, you tell Jeno after you two laid down on the cold rock, watching the stars.

“Oh really?”, Jeno asks, not lifting his head from where it lays on your lap. You’ve been playing with his hair for almost ten minutes, enjoying the silky feeling of it between your fingers. Jeno has his eyes closed, basking in the closeness of you. The moment you stepped foot on your rock, he latched onto you. One body part always having to be connected to you in some way. You don’t want to complain, enjoying how openly clingy he is, but something inside of you has a weird feeling.

It’s been lingering in the air for a while now. Like both of you know something big will happen, but none of you want to address it. None of you want to face the obvious elephant in the room. It’s like you know that as soon as the words leave your mouth, it’ll change everything.

“What did you tell him?” The question leaves his lips in a whisper. One part of him fears he might hear you agreeing to the human boys’ proposition, but the other part wishes you would. It would make things easier for him, a lot easier.

“I told him I can’t.”, you say it as if you’re stating an obvious fact. But to Jeno it isn’t obvious. He doesn’t understand it. Why would you choose to stay with him? A merman who will never be able to give you the life you want. It’s not like he can grow a pair of legs and join you in your town. He has a tail, and his place somewhere else. He has responsibilities, such big ones that there is no way around them.

“You should go on a date with him.” As these words leave his mouth, the world stops turning for a second. The sounds stop, no more waves crashing against the shore, no more birds chirping in the sky. It’s quiet, just a dead dreadful silence.

“Why would you say that?”, you whisper, not trusting your voice. You tug softly on Jenos’ hair wanting him to open his eyes and look at you, but he refuses. He tightly squeezes his eyes together because he knows seeing your expression would kill him. Jeno saw it last time, your shoulders sinking, face drained of all color, and eyes filling with so much sadness. He can’t endure that another time, he can’t have your face haunt him again.

“Maybe it would be better.”, he tries to hide the shakiness of his voice, not wanting you to see how much this affects him. “You know since he’s human. He could give you the life you want, the life you deserve. I can’t give you that.”

“Jeno, what are you talking about? You are making no sense.”, you push him off your lap, not wanting him that close when he talks such nonsense.

“I’m making sense. Think of it in a logical way. If you dated Jaemin you could have everything you want. You can see him at all times, go into town with him, travel with him. You can marry and have a family. You can let people see you. You wouldn’t have to stay awake until five in the morning to talk to a creature with a tail. You wouldn’t have to hide away your feelings anymore.”

You scoff, looking at the boy with a frown. “Jeno, don’t you think I know all of this? Don’t you think I know it would be easier to date someone that was human. But I’m still here. Even though I know all this, I still come here every night. Because I want you and no one else, Jeno. Love isn’t defined by a pair of legs, by who knows about it and who not, or by how much someone has to give up. Love means sacrifices, compromises, and agreements. It’s communication, honesty, and trust. It’s what you feel, not what others tell you to feel.”

Jeno hides his face in his hands, fighting not to break down. He is so close to letting it all out. The tears, the frustration. He wishes things could be different, for you both to exist in a world where you could actually be with one another.

Tomorrow he will be king of the town he grew up in. He will have to face bigger responsibilities. Responsibilities that are bigger than love. And he wishes to have just one part of his body, even if it is just a blood vessel, that could be selfish. But he can’t be. This is bigger than him, bigger than you. He can’t risk meeting you anymore, exposing his world and bringing his people in danger.

“I can’t, Y/n.”, he whispers quietly.

“Can’t what?”

“I can’t love you. I want to, but I can’t.” His hands shake violently, fighting every part of his body that wants to show weakness. “I will be king tomorrow. And I can’t lead them to danger.”

“Danger?”, you ask. “But I’m not dangerous. Jeno, I would never do or say anything.”

“I know.”, he speaks with more force. “I know you wouldn’t, but just meeting up with you is dangerous. The potential of someone seeing us, it could bring death to my whole town. You have to understand that it’s just too dangerous.”

“The only thing that’s dangerous is the ocean itself.”, you remark, looking down at the water. “Especially this ocean. It’s cursed.”

“Cursed?” Jeno looks up at you, confusion written all over his face. “How could our ocean be dangerous? It is so beautiful and mesmerising. It would never hurt you unless you hurt it first.”

“Explain that to the people going missing every year. All those fishers that visit our town, fishers that have lived in my town long before I was born. They go out on the ocean and disappear mysteriously. No one wants to go far into the ocean, worried that they will disappear as well. We’re scared of the cursed sea and grieving for those who we lost.”, you explain to him, but the older boy just shakes his head violently.

“Those fishers you’re talking about are threatening our existence. They are not here to explore the sea, they hunt us. They kill our people and threaten to expose our secret, we must do something to protect ourselves.”

You feel devastated, hearing such words coming from the boy you thought was sweet and kind. Never did you think he would support killing your kind, even if it means protection to his own. Isn’t it all about peaceful living within each other? Isn’t it about harmony, not war? Because if you start a war, it’s not going to end. By killing those fishers, they only achieve the opposite of what they want. They draw attention to them, making even more people curious about the mystery of the ocean, of the curse. You can’t believe there is no curse.

“I grew up getting told to never enter the ocean around our town alone. To never go past my knees into the water. To be careful not to cross the protection line they drew for the once who go for a swim. I grew up afraid of what would happen once I got out there. Up until I was twelve, I couldn’t even come close to the shore, afraid of what might wait for me. Town people found ship recks, pairs of shoes and even necklaces of the people who went missing. Some even said they heard screams late at night, but when they went looking there was no one there.” When you look at Jeno there is no compassion in your eyes, remembering what growing up here meant for you. “Shortly before I moved away a little girl went missing. Two days later they found her hair clip washed up on the shore. What did that little girl do to you?”

“She saw my brother.”, Jeno whispers.

“She was nine years old.” Your voice is loud, filled with frustration and skepticism. “Even if she told anyone, no one would have believed her. The same way no one believed me when I told them about you. What would you have done about that? Kill me too?” Jeno stays silent, not daring to answer the sarcastic question you asked. It makes you stop breathing for a few seconds, shoulders sinking. “You wanted to kill me?”

“No.”, he answers. “Maybe. I don’t know. I was scared at first, okay? You saw me and you could have easily told all the fishermen. What if they sent an army down to our kingdom and all because I wasn’t careful?” There is an edge in his voice, like his breaking point is coming soon. “But when I saw you again that next day, I couldn’t bring myself to. You were just so small and harmless. You shined brighter than the stars and your eyes were filled with a curiosity I could only return. I was never that close to a human before, having just watched them from afar. I wanted to know more about you and then I fell in love. Hard and unconditionally. More than a fifteen-year-old should have.”

You shake your head, his words breaking your heart into a million pieces. “Maybe you’re right.” As Jeno previously, you press your lips together, hiding the sob that threatens to leave your lips. You don’t want him to see you cry. Not after everything you found out. “Maybe I should go on that date with Jaemin.”

When you look at Jeno after saying those words, you can see his heart breaking. His eyes gloss over and his whole body sinking into itself. But eventually he nods his head. “Yeah, you should.”

You shakily sigh, looking at the ocean in front of you, passed the horizon where the unknown lays. “So, that’s it?”, you ask him, silent tears streaming down both of your faces. “This is the end of us?”

Jeno clears his throat, wiping away the saltiness on his cheeks. He allows himself to have this moment. This one last moment with you, basking in the comfort of your presence. He allows himself one selfish moment with you just for a few more seconds. Jeno listens to your rapid breathing, enjoying the warmth your skin radiates even though you sit a few steps away from him. When he closes his eyes, he can still feel the roughness of your fingertips stroking his back, your lips engulfing his in a gentle kiss, and your weight on his body, feeling like a warm blanket. One last time, he thinks back to the gentle words you exchanged, the confessions you made, the secrets you shared. He treasures them in a box deep inside his heart, locking it away.

When all that is done, he opens his eyes again, turning his face to look into your waiting eyes. “That’s it. That’s the end.”

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

A broken heart. A metaphor for the intense emotional stress or pain one feels at experiencing great loss or deep longing. Mark told you that similar to death, there are five stages of heartbreak. Denial, bargain, depression, and acceptance. If you judged it yourself, you would say you’re in the depression stage. You want to be alone, sit in your tiny apartment and eat your sadness away with ice cream. You don’t want the boys to come around all the time, forcing you to go outside and get ‘a change of scene’. They think it helps you, but all it does is remind you of what you can’t have. You see couples roaming the streets, holding hands, and laughing with each other. You see their happiness and all you feel in envy. You want that, you want that so bad, but you can’t have that. Not with the one person you want to have it with.

“I can’t see this anymore.”, Mark speaks up after watching you poke around your favorite dish. The cherry pie. You can’t believe that a few weeks ago, the thought of this pie excited you so much that you couldn’t wait to wake up the next day and taste the sweet flavor on your tongue. But now you can’t stand the cake. The cake tastes bland, lost all its sweetness. Its taste resembles your emotions. “This is your favorite, and you can barely even look at it. You know, I thought bringing you hear would cheer you up, but clearly, I was wrong.”

Mark puts down the rag he used to clean the counter, taking off his apron and making his way to you. He sits down beside you, grabbing your hands and turning your face so you look right at him. “Listen to me. I know, you don’t want to talk about what happened and only a fool wouldn’t be able to see what is going on.” He sighs, trying to find the right words. “And as much as I want to find the person that made you feel this way and make them regret it, I also still remember how happy you were. You never shined as brightly as you did in the time that you spent with them. I could see how loved you felt, and as your best friend, I never wanted to see you differently again. But as your best friend, I also have to be honest with you. It can’t go on like this. You are hurting yourself even more with your behavior and I can’t keep watching you do that.”

You lower your gaze, knowing deep down that what your friend is saying is right. But you’re helpless. You don’t know what to do to change things. How to stop the pain you’re feeling. If you did, you would have done it by now. “I don’t know how to.”

Mark shows you a sympathetic smile, squeezing your hands gently. “That’s what I’m here for. Whenever you’re stuck and you need a helping hand, I’m here.” You nod at him teary eyed, appreciating having a friend like Mark in your life. “Either you move on, find a way to cope with it. Even move away again if you have to. Just for a while to get away from all the bad memories. Or you confront the person once more, talk it out and hopefully then make peace with the situation.”

“I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”, you tell Mark, sadness filling your eyes once again at the thought of Jeno.

“Then make him. If he loves you, the way I hope he does, he will listen to you. He will let you have this one last conversation so you can have peace.”

“You really think so?”, you ask him, hope gleaming in your words. Mark nods his head eagerly.

“Yes, I know so.”

“Thank you, Mark. Thank you for always being there for me, even when I act like a sulky baby.”

That makes Mark let out a chuckle, happy to at least see a glimpse of the normal you back. “That’s what best friends are here for, Sunshine.”

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

The waves are calm at this time around. The sun having just set a few minutes ago, still tinting the sky in its beautiful colors. It’s almost like a scene out of a movie. And for the first time, you don’t feel scared of the ocean as you take place on the big rock. For the first time you appreciate the beauty of it, even though you know the truth about it.

“I don’t know if you’re here, Jeno. I don’t know if you can even hear me. But if you really love me, the way you told me, you will listen to me now. I want to have one more chance to talk to you again. I can’t leave you behind like this. I know that I will regret it and I know that you will regret it as well.” Silence, nothing but silence surrounds you. “I’m sorry for not showing sympathy for you and your people. I know that you just do what is right to protect yourself, but I still stand by my opinion that it’s not the right thing to do. I will never support those actions, but I’m trying to show more comprehension for your situation. I’m sorry for getting so emotional and not listening to you as I should have. I was stubborn, but so were you. I think that’s one thing we have in common. And I’m sorry for making it so hard for you to let me go. I understand now that whatever we have was doomed to end at some point. We are different, way too different to work out. I built this picture of us in my head. I lived in my own bubble and when that bubble burst, I didn’t want to accept that. I wanted to live a life where the two of us could be together, grow old together. And for a moment, it felt like that could happen. For a moment I was caught up in my own delusions, not wanting to let go. But I know now. I know that what you did was for the better and I’m not mad at you. You chose the right thing, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

You see the familiar silver shimmering of a tail appearing right above the surface of the water. This is your sign. You step out of the clothes you wear, a bikini underneath it. Climbing down the rock, you feel the warmth of the water meeting your cool skin. The water welcomes you, engulfing you like a warm blanket, coddling you to sleep. Jeno meets you in the water, wrapping his arms around you and nestling his head in your neck. He doesn’t say anything for a while, just enjoying having you close again.

“Thank you for telling me all that.”, he mumbles, head not moving an inch from where it’s buried. Lifting a hand, you gently play with the hair in his nape.

“It’s my pleasure, my king.” He scoffs at your words, but you can feel his smile against your skin. Jeno lifts his head, looking in your eyes once more. “I still don’t want to live a life where you aren’t in it.”

Your confession doesn’t budge his smile. Instead, he gently lifts his hand, tugging a wet strand of hair behind your ear. “I have a proposition for you. Becoming a king means that you can never be selfish. You have to give and give and give and accept that you rarely get anything back in return. You have to be selfless, caring about the wellbeing of your people. But every once in a while, we should be selfish. We should take what we want and take a risk.” You don’t know where he’s going with what he’s saying, not making any sense yet. “How about once a year we meet up. Right here on our rock. We talk, we spend the night together and then part ways again until the next year. In that way the risk will be lower, but we can still live a life that involves the other person.”

“And when shall that be?”, you ask him softly.

“May 24th.”, he answers, a knowing smile on his lips.

“The day we first met.”, you recall the distant memory. It lures a grin out of you, remembering how small you once were. How innocent and unknowing of how much this small encounter will change your lives. Jeno just nods, having the same small flashback as you do.

“Will I see you next year on the 24th?”, he asks, hope glinting in his eyes. And with the way he is looking at you, it’s hard to say no.

“I’ll be there.”, you promise him, leaning closer until your noses touch. “I won’t leave again.”

And for the last time the two of you close your eyes and let your lips meet in a sweet kiss. Locking the promise of a see you again. Even if it means you have to wait a year.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Seven months have passed and while the bitter taste of leaving Jeno still lingers in your mouth, you don’t feel your heartbreaking anymore. You feel hopeful, ready to start a new chapter of your life.

So, when you enter ‘Flora’ with a determination to start this new life, there is not one part of you that feels nervous. You’re sure of your decision, having had months to think about it. Now it’s your turn to choose happiness, to guide yourself into the life you deserve. Because that’s not only what Jeno wants for you, that’s what you want for yourself as well.

You walk through the store, inhaling the sweet scent of the flowers and taking in the sea of colors. You always felt like you belong here, right in this store. It pulled you towards it, ever since you were a child. And only recently have you realized why. When you spot what you’ve been searching for, your heart skips a beat. But it feels right. Never has anything felt so right in your life.

Sensing a presence, Jaemin turns around from where he was watering the flowers. Shock written on his face as he spots you, having just seen you two hours ago.

“Y/n?” He says your name like it’s his favorite melody. Like it’s the only word he repeats before going to bed. Like it’s what gives him the energy to live. “Is everything okay?”

You nod at him, taking a few steps forward. Over the months Jaemin has never left your side. Always making sure you eat enough, taking you out to distract you and even buying you new books whenever you finish one. He was the person you desperately needed in the time of your sorrow. He was and still is the person you deserve. You gradually noticed your fast beating heart whenever he was around you. The way your cheeks would become a deep red shade whenever he complimented you. And how you couldn’t stop thinking about him. But you had to wait. You had to wait until you were over Jeno. Until your heart has healed, put itself back together.

“Remember when you told me that if I find myself in a situation where he isn’t there anymore to take up all my thoughts? And that you will wait for me until I’m ready?” Jaemin nods, mouth hanging open, waiting for your next words.

“I’m finally ready for you.”

Bonus scene

Saying bye to Jaemin with a gentle kiss on his lips, you make your way to the beach. It’s sunny around this time, summer slowly showing its face. You enjoy the sun again, after a long dreadful winter. It feels like a reward after having to wear hoodies and sweatshirts for a long time. Now you can put on your cutest sun dresses again, go to the beach with Jaemin and Mark and live a little. Jaemin and you even planned a little trip to Italy, wanting a change of scene after so much happened in your lives.

You can hear a small yawn from the baby seat you are holding. Looking down you see your two-month-old daughter slowly opening her eyes, waking up from her nap. Smiling as you see her little face scrunched up, not ready to leave the dream land yet. “It’s okay, baby. You can sleep some more.” You can see her calm down after hearing your voice, closing her eyes again.

Shortly after last year’s meet up with Jeno, Jaemin and you found out you’re pregnant. It was a shock at first, not having planned such a thing to happen three years into your relationship. But that didn’t stop you from being excited about it either. Even though you hadn’t planned it to happen, it felt like it was the right time. That got confirmed the second you saw your daughter in the arms of her father. Jaemin loves her, and he’s not afraid to show it. Carrying her around at all times, talking to her like she can understand him. Sometimes he just stops and stares at her with this look in her eyes, like he can’t believe she’s real.

As you get closer to the rock, you can already see the silhouette of Jeno. You don’t know how he will react to the little baby, but you wanted to show her to him. Envolve him into the happiness she had brought your ever since she was born.

When you see him turn around, you can see the hesitation in his eyes as he spots the baby seat. Carefully trying to get a look, but not daring to get any closer. “Is that?”, he asks, unsure of how to phrase it.

“Yeah.”, you answer him with a big smile. “I found out shortly after our last meeting that I was pregnant, that’s why I didn’t tell you.”

He just nods, watching as you take a seat beside him, gently getting the small child out of her seat. Jeno doesn’t know what to say, or what to do. All he can do is observe you. He notices the constant smile on your lips, your eyes filling with so much pride as you look at your baby. You’re a mother, he realizes. And that title has never fit anyone better than you.

“You want to hold her?”, you ask him, giving him an encouraging nudge. And as much as he would like to decline the offer, scared he might do something wrong, part of him is tempted to do it. Just for a few minutes he wants to be selfish. He wants to know what it feels like to sit beside you, having a child in his arms, imagining it was his. He wants to know what it could feel like to have a future with you. A future in which everything is possible. In which he can be who he chooses to be, love who he wants to love. A future that involves you and him. Marrying, having children, and growing old together. He’s been dreaming about that a lot more lately, as if his head was telling him all along that you were expecting a child. He’s been longing a lot more as well recently. Longing for you, your touch, your voice, even just your bare presence. And he’s been making wishes a lot more as well. Wishes to be able to change everything, to leave his life behind and join yours again. Just for a few moments, he wants to feel like all those things could actually come true.

So, he nods at you, letting you place the small being in his arms. Her head rests comfortably against his chest, and you two hear her sigh, as if she found her place. As if she claimed him, and never wants to sleep anywhere else but his chest.

“Someday.”, Jeno speaks up, eyes leaving your child and meeting yours. “Someday in another life this could be us.” Jeno looks at you as if you’re his world. As if you picked the stars from the sky only for him. As if he can’t live without you. “In another life we can be happy together, having a family of our own. And I can’t wait for that other life to come.”

[samgirl98]

Mending a Family 24/?

Prev | Next

I'm not too proud of this chapter. It feels a bit disjointed, but I needed certain things to happen to progress the story a bit. Sorry if it's not my usual standard of writing. Let me know what you think

Dick was with his siblings. They were playing with Mar’i. Soon, she would start school, and he was terrified of letting her go alone.

She was his baby; she was too young.

Tim came up to him, holding a cup of coffee. Dick frowned at his younger brother. Tim had the audacity to smirk and take a sip. His bags were prominent. The brothers stood next to each other in silence for a while. Dick watched as his little girl floated in the air and her aunts and uncles chased her.

“I found some footage of Jason close to the Canadian border.”

Dick straightened. He knew his younger brother was alive thanks to the present he had sent Alfred.

“He had a kid with him.”

Dick turned toward Tim, surprised.

“What,” he asked.

“Yeah, the kid was four or five, maybe six, but I doubt it. Barbara and I found the footage a while ago, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. I haven’t found any more traces of them, but I think Jason crossed the border.”

Dick turned to Mar’i. Did she have a cousin?

Why was he feeling betrayed when he had kept Mar’i away from Jason?

“Give me a moment,” Dick said, walking away from Tim. He took out a phone and called Roy. He was surprised the man had picked up.

“What do you want, Grayson?”

“Does Jason have a kid,” he asked without preamble. He wanted to catch the other man off guard. A surprised person was most likely to tell the truth.

“I have no idea what you mean, Grayson.”

“Listen, if Jason has a kid with him, we deserve to know.”

“You don’t deserve to know shit about Jason. You guys abandoned him. How about you leave the man alone, and you and your whole family get therapy? I hear Dinah has some openings.”

Roy hung up, and Dick still hadn’t gotten his answer. How was Bruce going to take this? Should they even tell him without more evidence? What if Jason had a kid and left because he didn’t want the family around his child?

Mar’i’s laughter seemed to haunt him.

____

Danny pouted as Jason took pictures of him. He looked so cute with his little backbag.

“Daddy, are you done yet,” Danny whined.

“Almost, kiddo, just one more picture, please?”

It wasn’t fair for daddies to have puppy eyes.

It was Danny’s first day at school, and his dad was going overboard with the first-day pictures. Jazz couldn’t help but smile.

“We’re gonna be late,” Danny said. He didn’t care about being on time but wanted the torture to stop.

His dad had enrolled him in a school for gifted children. He would be taught in French and English. Danny knew he would hate it. Well, he would only have to deal with it for one semester, and then he could bow out of preschool.

Daddy drove him to school.

He suddenly felt nervous when he saw the building and all the kids entering.

“It’ll be fine, chum,” Jason told his son. He felt his little boy’s anxiety. “Do you want me to walk you to your classroom?”

Danny nodded. He took his daddy’s hand, and they walked into the building. Jason introduced himself to the teacher. She seemed nice.

“Okay, kiddo, you’re gonna be brave, right?”

Danny nodded. He had never been away from his dad. What if something bad happened?

“It’ll be fine, darling boy.”

His dad hugged him, “Now, go and have fun.”

Danny let go of his dad. He looked back one last time before entering the classroom. It was colorful. The five-year-old in him liked all the colors and toys. The sixteen-year-old in him cringed away from the noise. It was tough being two ages at once.

Danny sat by a girl with glasses and blonde hair.

“Bonjour, je m’appelle Sarah. Comment t’appelles-tu?”

“Sorry, I don’t speak French,” Danny said.

“Hi, I’m Sarah. What’s your name?”

“Danny,” he said. The girl smiled at him, showing that she had missing teeth. Oh, Ancients, were his teeth going to start falling out soon?

“Nice to meet you, Danny.”

Danny took a deep breath. If he would be here for the next few months, he might as well make a friend so he wouldn’t be lonely.

Danny smiled at the girl, “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Okay, class, let’s get to know each other,” the teacher suddenly said.

Danny sighed; it was going to be a long day.

____

Jason sighed.

It was going to be a long day. He didn’t know how dependent he had gotten on taking care of Danny.

Now that his little boy was gone, he didn’t know what to do with himself. He went back home and spent the day with Ellie.

He kept the phone close in case the school called.

He never imagined how long the day would be without Danny around. Is this what every parent had to deal with when their child went to school?

He knew school was good for Danny. It would help entertain him, and it would be easier to make friends. But, God, he was missing his little boy!

Ellie giggled at him as she threw her baby food on his face.

“Now, Ellie, we don’t waste food.”

The little girl gave a toothy grin. Jason couldn’t help but smile back.

“Maybe you should go out on a walk,” Jazz came and said suddenly.

“What, why?” He got another spoonful of baby food, and Ellie gladly bit into it. Her little teeth left marks on the spoon.

“You need to learn to deal with Danny being away. Maybe find a hobby to do. You’re not going to feel better staying indoors.”

“I’m fine,” Jason said. Ellie had finished her food.

Jazz rolled her eyes and took Ellie with her. Great, now what should he do?

He went outside and sat on the porch. Suddenly, the phone rang.

Jason picked it up before the second ring sounded.

“Hello,” he said, feeling scared. What if something had happened to Danny?

“Hey, Jay, it’s me.”

Jason felt himself relax at Roy’s voice.

“Hey, Roy, how you been?”

“Good, good,” Roy’s voice trailed off.

“Is something wrong? Is Lian okay?”

“Yeah, Lian is good. How are the kids?”

“Great, Danny started his first day of school today.”

“Oh, ouch, I remember Lian’s first day in preschool. It was tough.”

“I have a feeling you called for something,” Jason said after a moment of silence.

“Dick called me earlier,” Jason tensed again, “He asked me if you had a kid. I didn’t tell him anything.”

Jason sucked in a breath. Dick knew, which meant that Bruce would know soon. Would he have to move again? He didn’t want to lose his son!

Jazz came out with Ellie in her arms, frowning, “What’s wrong?”

“Do they know where I’m at?”

“From what I can tell, no. Look, I don’t think you should worry, but I had to tell you they knew about Danny.”

“Yeah, thanks, Roy. You’re a real one.”

“Take care, Jay. I’ll keep my ears to the ground.”

“What’s wrong,” Jazz asked. She sat by Jason; even Ellie looked concerned.

“My old family knows about Danny. What if they come and take him away from me?”

Jazz put her hand on Jason’s, “Hey, look at me. Neither Danny nor I will allow anyone to break up this little family. Besides, Raven has shielded us with spells; they won’t find us. And if they do, we’ll kick their butts.”

“Thanks, Jazz.”

They sat in silence, each contemplating the future.

@itsberrydreemurstuff @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @skulld3mort-1fan @theauthorandtheartist @emergentpanda-blog @jaggedheart11 @fisticuffsatapplebees @booberrylizard @fantasticbluebirdfan @thegatorsgooseoose @cyrwrites @kjoboo91 @crystallicedart @amaramizuki666 @spekulatiusmuffin @meira-3919 @kilasmess @bubblemixer @lexdamo @wonderland-daisy @mj-arts-n-stuff @amyheart19 @dolfay @the-church-grimm @undead-essence @aph-mable @lizisipancardo @purrloin77 @writer-extraodinaire @charlietheepic7 @sinfulloccultist @nootherusernameworked @coruscateselene @chaoticchange @itsberrydreemurstuff @gmkelz11 @feral-bunny31 @paroovian @thatonegaybitch68 @d4ydr34min9 @overtherose @fandomwandererer @vipower001 @thordottir45 @blackrabbitt3t @rosecinnamonbun @bianca-hooks123 @epilepticnerd @dat1angel @consouling @flamingenchiladadragon @all-mights-asscheeks @ender-reader @fuyu-bitch @ravenswife

[gglitch1dd]

hello, I'm new to ur content and I just passed by ur tumblr/content last month, I was hooked and I really liked ur work especially the villain deku ones :33 I was also wondering if I may request this idea of villain deku accidentally killing his darling (this is my first time requesting and I'm kinda nervous on asking content creators), I got this idea from this video from yt called something with Amy (u can search it up if you wanna find out more abt the vid) and I instantly got vil!deku vibes from it. That's all and great job on your work and keep writing I rlly love it!!! <33

Hello Anon, baby!! I'm so glad you love my content! It makes me so happy to hear! Don't feel nervous! I don't bite. Also I'm proud of you for requesting it, despite knowing my answer. That still takes guts <3

Hmmm very interesting. Also ALOT of people love Villain Deku. I don't know why but I am more than happy to write for him. Now let me see what I can do about this.

Note: TW-Death. Reader dies. Izuku has sad boi hours. Mentions of blood and guilt.

Now personally, I don't think Midoriya would EVER kill Y/N. I mean he loves you too much. He wouldn't even dream of putting you in a situation where you were in danger and he could be the cause of it, especially if you weren't a villain yourself and you didn't fight or have a quirk to protect yourself.

He's crazy but he isn't THAT crazy. But in the one out of a million chance he does, you best believe it would tear him up from the inside out. It would split his head in half worse than any hero or person could do to him. He would feel as though his world would crash down and hurl at him from the sky.

It wouldn't be on purpose, hell he would assume you were far away from the battle like you should have been.

Midoriya would no doubt be fighting against a hero, most probably Dynamight (mostly because the guy won't leave him in peace) but also because it's fun. He had a plan. It was going to be flawless. He would trap Dynamight under a building. He had done much worse to him in the past and with how strong Dynamight was, there was no doubt he would survive it (much to Midoriya's dismay) but it would give Midoriya time to think a bit.

Or at least that was the plan. Until next thing he knew when he did have the time and Dynamight was trying to get out, he couldn't find you. It scared him because you weren't where he told you to be. You weren't anywhere until Midoriya just so happened to be walking down the building he brought down and he saw an arm that oddly resembled yours. It only fully settled in when he saw the engagement ring he had gotten you on your finger.

Your arm lifeless, like the rest of you and blood pooling from underneath the rubble. Midoirya would be speechless, motionless. His heart and soul would leave his body as he realised that you were dead. You were gone. Your arm pale and there being too much blood to even consider you being alive. You weren't just dead. You were killed.

Because of his actions.

Midoriya would immediately dissociate. Mostly because you were his world. You were his everything. The breath in his lungs and the beat to his heart. He was in love with you. Yah he had his ambitions, he had his own dreams and goals that he thought he would never stop chasing and yet without you it all seemed pointless.

Mostly because you made his dull and hell feeling existence in this world, worth living. You made waking up in the morning better. You made coming back home better. Hell you just made him better. Yet you had died because of him. At the end of it, the love of your life was your greatest downfall.

The guilt of killing someone he cared about. Someone he loved, someone he wanted to marry would overtake him so hard, I don't even think he would fight once he realized that Dynamight was free and that he was being detained.

It would only sink in hours later, sitting in a cell in Tartarus where he would feel the most intense pain, not physical, all just mental and emotional- overcome him. He wouldn't be able to breathe, to think. His head would feel as though it was splitting in two. You were gone. It was painful but it was the truth.

He would probably go mad at some point (not like he wasn't already mad) but then at the end of it, I think he would pull a Midoriya Izuku, escape Tartarus and head back to base to think. He was without you. Without his rock. Without the love of his life. So that only meant one thing.

Since his world was empty without you in it,

he may as well destroy everything else.

Nothing made sense without you anyways and besides. You were his baby, his precious dumpling. He would do anything for you. And in order to punish himself, he would even break down the world for you. As a tribute to your life.

He would swear it, at your grave, hands in his pockets. A fresh bouquet of flowers would be set for you and he would smile softly down at your name etched. "I apologize my love, I pray one day you would forgive me." He would whisper, eyes hollow and tired but a small smile staying on his face. "I promise to finish what I started. I also promise I will try to do it as quickly as I can... So that I can reunite with you soon."

-Glitch1d

I hope this was okay Anon, and I hope you loved it!!<3<3

<My Izuku Midoriya Masterlist>

[theloverboyisdead]

Wait that was KENTA??

Summary: Kenta makes progress in feeling comfortable around x-hunter. Very heavy on Alan being a supportive and perfect. (Its rush pls don't judge to harsh I beg)

3rd pov

After everything that had happened X-Hunter and friends more or less taken Kenta in. While he had contributed to the terrible things Tony was doing it was pretty clear that he never actually wanted to and at the end of the day he was a good person forced to do bad things.

Kenta was appreciative of the fact that they were so keen to have him around but that didn't mean he didn't struggle to be comfortable. He couldn't bring himself to do or ask for anything if it could potentially even slightly inconvenience someone.

He didn't doubt that they were happy to do things for him or even just be there for him but he had never been allowed to want and asking Tony for something usually had its consequences. He felt as if he still wasn't allowed to ask for anything not that he would even know how.

He also didn't feel right joining in on the way they all teased each other. The playful jabs that would be met with a light hearted sarcastic comment. What if they took him as actually being mean? What if he just wasn't allowed? He just couldn't risk losing what he had with them.

Fortunately he had a new family that was very stubborn.

Kenta pov

"North and Sonic are gonna go to the store tomorrow to stock up the pantry at the garage is there anything you want them to grab for you?" Alan asked me. I've been working there doing paperwork since everything calmed down and I really enjoy how kind everyone is here.

"No it's okay I don't need anything," I tell him. This is true while I do have snacks and drinks I like I don't actually need any of them. I know that's not the answer he wants but that's all I can bring myself to give for now.

"Kenta that's not what I asked and I know that it's hard for you to ask for things and I also know that one conversation is not going to fix that but I promise you that we all want to be there for you. We want you to join in on the jokes. If we didn't we would not have welcomed you here so for the love of god please just tell me what to add to the list for you," Alan lectured. I noticed he was like that, always making sure everyone knew they were cared for. He was genuinely the kindest person I've ever met. Not that it was much of a competition.

"Uhm... I really don't know, maybe just some sports drinks," I was so caught off guard by how blunt he was being. Even though I did believe him I still couldn't breathe as I scrambled for something to request.

"Okay good, you can text me or one of them if you want a particular brand or flavor or if you think of anything else."

I nod before he turns to walk out the door probably to keep asking around.

"And Kenta, I'm proud of you for asking I'm sure that took a lot but that is what we are all here for. We are family here and we really hope that you will see us as such when you are ready," Alan said and slips out of the room with a smile.

Oh-

*1 year later*

Alan pov

It's been a slow day at the garage which to most people would mean calm. People idly doing their work at a comfortable pace in no rush to get a million things done. Not at X-Hunter though, not for me.

Slow day means that means that everyone is running around and being loud. Not for work but just enjoying themselves as they work. I absolutely love these days just my boys without weight on their shoulders just free to have wreckless fun.

Unfortunately today I got to be the central target for any teasing and wrestling. I would absolutely never tell any of them but I kind of enjoy it, they would never let it go.

I had spaced out watching them chase each other around when I suddenly have someone lunge on my back to start wrestling. Of course it was North ever the problem child.

"Why must you do this to me while I was minding my own business," I ask him more of a rhetorical tease than an actual question.

"Because it's fun duh," North retorts as he tries to put me in a headlock.

"Careful old people's bodies are sensitive you don't want him to throw his back out do you," a voice behind me speaks casually.

"Hey I'm not that o-" I start as I turn around. Wait was that Kenta?? He didn't even look up and just continued filling out paperwork but he had a noticeable smile on his face.

The entire garage was quiet from shock. Everyone had turned around to check that they heard it right too. If it wasn't for the smiles across everyone's face they might be mistaken for being upset.

"HOLY SHIT KENTA IM SO PROUD!!"  North shouts as he runs to hug Kenta. Me too.

[esssteee]

Thanks for the tag @yletylyf <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 13

2. What's your total A03 words count? 351,919

3. What fandoms do you write for? grishaverse and castlevania. i'm still a baby writer, having started actively contributing to fandom works not quite 2 years ago.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

we are the wild youth chasing visions of the future (gv, aleksander/alina), young liars (gv, aleksander/nikolai), with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai), winding and unwinding (gv, aleksander/nikolai), i will eat you alive (gv, aleksander/nikolai)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yep, almost all! if i receive several in a row, chapter after chapter and by the same person, than i will more likely just respond to the last one, but i do like giving an answer to any feedback and show of love i get!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

um, good question. i don't think I've written a true angsty ending. i have several open/ambiguous endings, but the ending for me and the devil (gv, aleksander/alina) is the most ambiguous of the bunch just because it can be interpreted as alina just going stir-crazy from being alone and forgotten for so long and imagining aleksander by her side and staying with her, so it can be angsty if you take it that way.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) cause they end up pseudo married and ruling together (yay!)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! too small a fandom writer for that and i'm ever thankful for it!

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

me? smut??? XD just look at the rating for each fic and the associated tags, i guess i do love developping characters through the very intimate act of them falling in bed together. no real kinky sex or anything, but there's often lots of hidden (and not so hidden) feelings behind the act. most smut i've written can be considered rough and/or passionate, since there's a kind of desperation born out of the characters thinking they only have that one single time to be with the other so they're giving their all. i do love exploring the vulnerabilities that come from that for sure!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no i haven't. it's never really been my fav thing, but if done well, it'd read one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so, not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i had someone asking to translate one, yes.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

that i've written? aleksander/nikolai in gv for sure, aleksander/alina a close second. but as a reader, i just love love love the perfect OT3 that is alucard/trevor/sypha from castlevania (if you haven't read baba by crownofpins, GO READ IT NOW)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

none, i'm just terribly slow right now. life is throwing a ton of shit at me (dog being very sick, work is horrible, energy at the lowest point), but i keep daydreaming about each fic and slowly coming up with future parts in my head if not on paper.

16. What are your writing strengths?

ah man i don't know, getting into the character's head for which i'm writing the pov from, making their thoughts and feelings just as important as anything going on. i guess because of that i strongly favour inner conflict storylines.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

too wordy. also pantsing my way thru a fic instead of really sitting down and coming up with a plan ― we are the wild youth chasing visions of our future really forced me to come up with a strong plan, which i never would have been able to do without @theonewiththeory's immense help, girl i never would have been able to achieve what i did without you!! it is my first fic in english, the first one i wrote as an adult, and it shows, but i'm still proud of it! but i definitively continue to struggle with planning and too often i fall into the bad habit of vibing along with it. also, big external-conflict plotting is a hard thing for me, tho i wish i could become better at it since it's always so fun as a reader and i'm always impressed by writers who pull an intricate plot so flawlessly!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i'm not a fan of it. so often the other language is plain up butchered, and there are ways to do it without having to juggle the hassle of writing a dialogue in another language and needing to translate it so the reader knows what's going on. but as all things, they are exceptions to the rule and anything can be done well!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh man the lord of the rings (with a very mary sue oc even! but i remember having such self-indulging fun with that oc and all the research needed to flesh the story out) and the legend of zelda/ocarina of time (at least i went with link for my mc in this one!)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

when i was 12, i started a complete rewrite of ocarina of time which i of course never posted online. it was in french and i was only doing it for fun. but i still have one version of it and oh boy is it cringe-worthy XD big fail, i read that question as the first fic written ― my brain is really elsewhere these days. my fav fic is definitively with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) which became a comfort reread when i need to feel better by reading about familiar and intimate characters. the whole series (of monsters and men) is something i'm really proud of, even with its faults and misgivings, but that third and final part has left me with the biggest impact personally.

Tagging: i'll tag a few people (no pressure, it's only if you want of course!), but anyone else who see this and wanna do it too, have fun with it (and tag me! i wanna read about people <3)

@theonewiththeory, @ladyverdance/@greensaplinggrace, @inahandful-of-dust, @aloveforjaneausten, @fantomette22, @goatsandgangsters, @zizygy, @itsnotunfinisheditsmystyle

[azulejo178]

Smile dear!

This fanfic takes place after the events of chapter 7 of hazbin hotel

Warnings: this is a tickle fanfic, if you don't like it keep scrolling.

I'm sorry if it's very short, I've been busy with exams. When I finish taking them, I'll try to upload content more often. You can leave me ideas in the comments. I hope you enjoy it. ♡

.⭒☆━━━✰━━━☆⭒.///////

- "What's got you all worked up, dear? Is there more on your mind than just angels?" Rosie asked, concerned.

- "What do you do when someone you love lies to you about who they are?" Charlie replied.

- "Romance is my specialty, come on, give me the details."

- "My girlfriend is an exorcist angel and she was never able to tell me."

- "Damn, what a secret. How does that make you feel?"

- "Um, I feel angry. I thought we shared everything."

- "And she always supports me in my ideas and... and now... I don't know if all of that was true or a lie... that thought is horrible. Do I really think like this? Yes, no... maybe?"

- "But do you love this girl?"

- "Um, I don't know... yes."

- "And have you ever doubted that she feels the same way?"

*Charlie shook his head no.

- "So what's the problem?" Rosie asked.

- "That she was part of those people who have caused us so much trouble."

- "But... doesn't your silly hotel try to redeem people?"

- "Yes..."

- "Maybe that girl is also seeking redemption."

- "No, because she knows better than anyone that I believe in second chances, why hide it from me?"

- "Because it's hard to admit things you're not proud of, especially if those things hurt the ones you love. She messed up, of course, she's not perfect, but dear, nobody here is. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that words are meaningless, but actions reflect the heart."

"Thank you, Rosie," Charlie said as he gave her a tight hug.

"Hey, I know what will cheer you up."

"What thing?"

"Something I haven't done to Alastor in a while." Charlie opened his mouth to speak but only giggles came out as Rosie began tickling his sides.

"Haha Rohosie."

"That's my name, dear," Rosie replied as she pinched his ribs.

"Noho-"

Charlie tried to escape the ticklish sensation by kicking Rosie with his legs.

"Oh no, you won't get away," said Rosie as she magically conjured some flowers to hold his hands.

"Much better," Rosie said as she went for his armpits.

Charlie burst into laughter.

"Look, it seems like I found your spot," Rosie said with a chuckle.

Charlie was a small and cute puddle of giggles. Although he had to admit that it felt good just to laugh and let go.

Years went by without her laughing like this. The whole issue of angels and extermination had her very overwhelmed. Rosie noticed that she didn't even make a real attempt to escape. In reality, being Lucifer's daughter, she was 100 times more powerful than Rosie, but still, she sank into the feeling without complaining and lost herself in her emotions.

When Rosie noticed that his laughter had stopped, she decided to stop and got up to bring him a glass of water.

"Do you feel better?" Rosie asked.

"Yes, thank you," Charlie said with a smile.

Rosie returned the smile.

"Hey dear, now let's go. We have to convince them. But before that, let's go visit a certain deer," said Rosie raising her voice slightly knowing that Alastor was behind the door and had heard everything and quickly went out to chase after him.

"Then the only thing that was heard were giggles and squeals throughout the room, the inhabitants of the cannibal city looked at each other with a smile, except for Susan, who thought to herself: Ash, how ridiculous, when will they tell us the news?"

[unproblematicme]

Shortcut

(Wrote this after watching Season 2 of Good Omens. I'm rarely in the mood for crossovers, but sometimes it happens.)

Determined gold meets concerned brown. A staring contest ensues. Since Muriel never knows when she is in a staring contest, Crowley wins. Muriel looks away, taking in the mahogany wood bed with the soft sheets and the magic circle surrounding it. It’s incomplete because Crowley had to get into the bed without disturbing the runes. With a doubtful glance on her face, Muriel looks from Crowley to the piece of chalk in her hand and back.

“Are you sure?” Muriel asks.

“Absolutely.” With a determined nod, Crowley falls onto the mattress. “Complete the circle.”

“We don’t even know if it works.”

“I trust you.”

“But why? I’ve never done this.”

“You’re good with books, no?”

A little proud grin chases the insecurities from Muriel’s face for a second. “Well, I got the hang of it rather quickly.”

“See.” Crowley nods at her. “And you found the ritual in a book, right? And you did what the book said. What could go wrong?”

“Actually, a lot,” she answers. “It simply not working is not even that concerning. It working but not as intended? Pretty concerning. You could get trapped, in a dreamless sleep or, worse, in a very dream heavy sleep.”

“I’m willing to risk it.” Crowley waves dismissively.

“And,” Muriel adds, “it could actually work as intended. He will not like that.”

“Leave that to me.”

Muriel falls silent. Again, she eyes the setup and bites her lips. Once more, she meets Crowley’s eyes and smiles a sad smile.

“I’m not Aziraphale,” she whispers.

Looking at her expression, full of self doubt and fear, Crowley’s face softens.

“I know, Buttercup,” he says. “And yes, I wish he was here. For many reasons. But none of them is that I do not trust you with this ritual, alright?”

Letting out a sharp breath, Muriel nods in new found determination. She smiles as she holds up the chalk and squats down to close the circle. 

“You need to stay focused,” Muriel says firmly. “The… further you go, the harder it will be to get you out when you lose yourself.”

“Got it.”

Crowley gets comfortable on the mattress. Awkwardly, Muriel lets her eyes flick around.

“Should I use a sleeping miracle on you?”

“Won’t be necessary,” Crowley says. “I’m good at falling asleep. Get yourself a book so you can read while you monitor me.”

Smiling brightly, Muriel nods and dashes out of the room.

Focused on his breath, Crowley closes his eyes. The overall situation makes sleep harder lately, but having spent weeks on finding the book, studying the ritual and easing Muriel’s anxiety without even a tiny nap, helps a lot.

Soon Crowley feels his eyelids grow heavy before they flutter shut and he drifts off.

A moment later, Crowley finds himself in a pub. Looking down, Crowley sees he is not dressed for the occasion. But nobody in the mediaeval pub seems to take note of his tight black jeans, dark shirt and leather jacket. 

Laughter and song ring around him and red evening sun streams through the small windows. At least twenty tables are lined up in the large taproom, all occupied by different people of all ages and classes. At the bar sits a familiar blond man. His cheeks are reddened by wine and maybe something else and he waves at Crowley. The white robes look even more out of place than Crowley’s attire but that does not stop people gazing at him in adoration. But he only has eyes for Crowley.

Bittersweet emotions flood Crowley as he walks towards the door. It’s hard to leave. Especially, as a soft hand lands on his arm. Against better judgement, Crowley turns around. Crowley’s heart beats with pain and longing as he stares into Aziraphale’s pretty face. The lightest trace of offence lies on the angelic features but still a smile lifts the cherub cheeks.

“Will you really just leave without at least one drink, dearest?” he says. With a coy flutter of his lashes, he whispers, “I rented a room above the pub. In case it is too loud for you here.”

It’s proof for the success of Muriel’s spell that Crowley rejects the beautiful gift the dream offers him. 

“I need to go,” Crowley says.

Aziraphale’s midnight green eyes fill with tears. “You… leave me?”

“I’ll come back, angel,” Crowley promises. “I’m always coming back for you.”

Before Aziraphale or his own stupid heart can stop him, Crowley turns and hurries to the exit of the pub. He kicks open the door and stumbles outside.

He steps onto a large stone bridge. Surprised, he looks behind himself where no trace of the pub is left. Alright. He is lucid, but this is still a dream. Things can change randomly in this place. Or at the will of its ruler.

There are other people on the bridge, but they don’t acknowledge him. Or each other. They stare into the distance, sometimes they disappear, or reappear, sometimes they step through doors that materialise out of nothing. Maybe they aren’t real, maybe they are guests like him if, unlike him, not in control of what is happening. They are welcome, he is probably not. Not like this.

With a snap of his fingers, Crowley performs a veiling miracle. Demonic power surges. It seems to have worked but he isn’t sure it has. Or if he did it too late.

Crowley can’t know if he’s discovered yet. He assumes he’d notice. Either way, he has to proceed so he looks to both sides of the bridge. To the left, it stretches to a large ocean, its image wavering before his eyes. On the right, he sees a huge gate with two gigantic leafs in a long and high stone wall. Crowley has no idea how anyone could open it. But he can see the merlons of castle towers behind the walls. That has to be his destination.

He walks up to the gate. As expected, it doesn’t move when he leans against it with all his weight. For a moment, he considers turning into a snake and slithering upwards, just as he has done all those lifetimes ago in Eden. To get to Aziraphale. 

But it would take long and who knows what kind of surprises this place could come up with meanwhile. He decides on using a miracle. If the veiling miracle worked, it will hide him further. If it didn’t, the miracle to open the door won’t work either.

Crowley lifts his hand and focuses on the right leaf of the door. It moves! Ever so careful, willing the metal hinges to be quiet, Crowley creates a gap just big enough for him to slip through.

He reaches a garden. No, two gardens. It’s an untamed place with a small rivulet travelling through the high grass, passing rocks, overgrown by wildflowers. It’s also a garden, worthy of a castle, with broad straight paths of pure white pebble stones, leading around orderly flower beds with well-groomed plants. Artfully cut trees stand at every crossroad and line the main path up to the castle door. The two versions flicker before Crowley’s eyes and it takes him a moment to find his orientation. 

Carefully, Crowley looks out for any guards, but sees none. He decides to see it as a good sign and hurries around the building, wary of the changes of the flora and the ground. No intention to walk through the main entrance he lets his eyes wander along the walls.

“Bingo,” he whispers as he sees a narrow, simple wooden door. Next to it, is a window and he peers through it into a big kitchen. Nobody is there so Crowley opens the door. He is a little surprised to find it unlocked, but maybe the Lord of this place just feels safe enough here in the heart of his realm.

But then Crowley steps over the threshold. As soon as his foot meets the ground, his surroundings blur and shift. The light wooden floor of the kitchen turns to black marble stone, the warm orange light of the hearth fire disappears and is replaced by a cold lightblue glow. Without a sound, the walls stretch away from him, widening the space to at least 10 times the size. Pillars of the same dark marble as the ground appear on the sides as Crowley finds himself in front of a throne.

A slender man, clad in black, sits on it, tilting his head as he scrutinises Crowley.

“And where do you think you are going?” he asks.

“Lord Morpheus!” Crowley exclaims, way more happy than he feels, and bows. “What an honour to meet you.”

Unsurprisingly, his charms don’t work. They’re either lost on the King of the Dreaming or leave him unimpressed. Crowley has a hard time reading the man. The man that is no man. When demons and angels are in human form, this form shapes their nature. Crowley can use his talent to assess humans, their intentions, their character, just as well on them then. 

Dream of the Endless is a whole different thing. Even in this form, taken to be understood by mankind, he doesn’t look very human. Sure, he is beautiful, in an uncanny, unearthly way. His body, while very tall, might pass as a lanky human male if not for his skin which is the colour of the moon, just as pale and luminescent. In contrast stands his black hair, stretching from his head in messy strands, not unlike a sea monster's talons. To say his eyes were black as well would not do them justice. They are, but deeper and darker than his hair and clothes. The universe lies in their depth, vast, empty, Stygian. Sometimes, stars glow in this darkness. Or die.

“I would say the honour is all mine for courtesy’s sake,” Morpheus finally says. “But a trespasser can hardly expect my courtesy.”

“Trespasser sounds very negative…”

“That’s because it is.”

“Right. Look I…”

Crowley falls silent when Morpheus narrows his dark eyes at him.

“You aren’t from Hell,” he says after a while. “Not anymore. There is some of it still clinging to you. You’re a demon. But not of Hell.”

“Nope.” Crowley says. “Kicked me out.”

“Twice an outcast then,” Morpheus says, his voice awfully neutral. “So you haven’t come here to enact Lucifer’s revenge for the lost game, I suppose.”

“Whaaaat?” Crowley exclaims. “Never! I was rooting for you actually. Big fan.”

“How flattering,” the Dream Lord says drily. He sounds uninterested, but for the first time something akin to amusement plays around the corners of his mouth. “So what do you want?”

“To ask for your help,” Crowley says genuinely.

“Hmm. And you thought breaking into my castle, the heart of my kingdom, would soften me to your inquiry?”

“Oh, you know how it is,” Crowley says, gesturing wildly. “You try to get an appointment and they never call you back.”

“You’ve come all this way.” Morpheus sighs. “It was a bold move and sure took some effort. I will admit I’m curious what made you go to such lengths.”

“My friend. Aziraphale, the angel,” Crowley explains. “I think he is in trouble. He went to Heaven a few months ago and I haven’t heard of him since.”

“And what do you need from me?”

“Since my last break-in, they cranked up security in Heaven,” Crowley says. “No demon, especially not me, gets in. Your realm, however, could be a shortcut.”

“No,” Morpheus says firmly. “Many people cannot reach their loved ones. I can’t allow them all to use my kingdom to get to them.”

“But… but, this isn’t just about Aziraphale,” Crowley hurries to say. “He is in Heaven, they are keeping him and Heaven sure is plotting against Humanity. They always are. You… you sure don’t want all the Dreamers to die, do you?”

“Me having my preferences for the Waking World’s fate does not justify a meddling of this dimension,” Morpheus says. “Besides, nobody sleeps in Heaven. Nobody dreams in Heaven. I can not reach it.”

“Really?”Crowley asks. “Damn.” After a beat, he asks, “If someone were to sleep in Heaven, you could? One person would suffice?”

“In this case, I could, but still wouldn’t.”

“Wow, you're irritating."

"So I've been told." Morpheus nods.

"Listen, this is important," Crowley pleads.

“Your friend was not captured. He went willingly, didn’t he?”

“Well, yes, but no, I mean, I can’t be a hundred percent…”

“Even if I would agree to allow this inappropriate use of my realm, just to reunite you with your lover,” he says, “I would not do it for an unwilling lover.

“He is not… un…willing. He’s just-”

“I know your deepest thoughts, Crowley,” Morpheus interrupts. “Your friend left you to return to Heaven.”

“Yeah, well, if you look into my nightmares, you won’t get the most optimistic interpretation of things,” Crowley grumbles. 

Morpheus hums thoughtfully. “Maybe not. What is your… optimistic interpretation?”

“There isn’t really one,” Crowley admits. “But I don’t think he wanted to leave me. I… I did believe it at first and I was angry. However, I had time to think about it and he… he wouldn’t.”

“If he wouldn’t, why did he?”

“Maybe they threatened him,” Crowley says quickly. “I mean, Michael threatened to erase him from the Book of Life, maybe the Metatron threatened to erase…”

“Wait!” Suddenly, Morpheus is no longer sitting on his throne, but standing right in front of Crowley. Up so close, he is not much taller than Crowley, but still an impressive presence. “They spoke of the Book of Life?”

“Erm, yeah.” Crowley nods. “I thought it was just some horror story. But apparently, it’s real.”

“It is real. I just thought… no matter. Wait here.”

With that, Morpheus dissolves into whirling sand and disappears.

Coughing, Crowley pats his shirt. “Rude.”

He can’t say how long he waits. Time is a funny thing in the Dreaming, but still he gets nervous and is relieved when Morpheus returns.

“I will help you,” Morpheus declares.

“You will? Really?” Crowley asks, surprised. “I mean, yes, good decision!”

“Under two conditions.”

“Name them.”

“One, there needs to be a Dreamer in Heaven,” Morpheus says. “Someone needs to fall asleep up there.”

Crowley nods. “I’ll think of something.”

“Two, when you find your friend, you both come to me and he tells me everything he knows about the Book of Life.”

“How do you know he knows anything?”

“I don’t. But if he does, he has to share it with me.”

For the first time, Crowley hesitates. He doesn’t feel comfortable making agreements for Aziraphale. In addition, he doesn’t know if he can trust Dream of the Endless with sensitive information about the Book of Life. Then again, while the Dream is a petty, resentful being who can hold grudges over aeons, he would not deprive himself of the objects for his disdain by erasing them from the universe’s memory.

“Alright!” Crowley says. 

“Very well.” 

Morpheus offers his hand and Crowley shakes it. The Dream Lord’s skin feels cold and smooth, like polished marble.

And Crowley wakes up.

End Chapter 1

Let me know if you would be interested in more

[azumasoroshi]

continuing from the last post, we're back to izaya with the bag over his head and earthworm

and it's really interesting because he's animated in a way that makes you really, REALLY doubt that it's izaya

ok it's hard to show in photo form but like. the way he tilts his head back and forth with earthworm moving the scissors makes him look wary and nervous? and you cant see his face but his body language is so far from relaxed that you're like oh they must have captured nakura or some other person. no way izaya's actually in there

and after she asks about his sisters (you still cant see well in photo form but i gave you the timestamp and the episode number so :3) he shakes his head back and forth quickly with some kind of wobbly sound effect and it's so unlike izaya!!!! izaya wouldn't react to any of this right??

and then we cut to here!! and it's like oh yeah that definitely isn't him. he's literally outside with mairu right now

side note but awww they're so cute. im sure they're 100% normal mentally sound siblings who definitely didn't decide their personalities via a fucking coin flip ahahaha

orihara family is so fucking weird. sometimes i wonder if izaya is good at dodging shizuo's attacks because he's used to his siblings attacking him all the time (which is really cute actually) or if his siblings saw him getting chased around by shizuo all the time and thought 'hey that looks fun' and decided to attack him too (decidedly less cute but a lot funnier)

im assuming it's the first one though since the twins have been doing martial arts probably before izaya was in high school?? probably

it's funny how he's actually caught off guard here. like his ultra instinct carries him but he only turns after mairu makes a noise

like he's the king of environmental awareness as opposed to shizuo who kinda blocks everything out so this is hmMMMMm

mayhaps he lets his guard down around his siblings :eyes: ohoho do i sense a weakness orihara-san??

there was this line in the izaya youtuber au where namie is like damn i'm this proud at catching izaya off-guard for like a second?? my life is fucking sad. that's how i feel right now

smug bitch

flexible characters get me going bro like vash the stampede. izaya. why do i keep grouping them together in my head like they're both human lovers (albeit for very different reasons) and they're both flexible and they're both voiced by johnny yong bosch. what's the deal here what is fate trying to tell me about my taste in fictional men

i will never get tired of his acrobatics ugh

bro has a fuckin rectangular prism for an ass what is going ON there

um. gayass

what was i talking about again OH YEAH the earthworm thing. well not like i can talk about that any more until we cut back there

im not taking screenshots of the entire "fight scene" (it's just izaya dodging and being a little shit like "oh woe is me why would you attack an innocent civilian in public??" (he's the one holding the knife, mikage's brother points out)

and we're back! still not sure how exactly that works considering the transition between phones - was earthworm showing him the footage or something?? or playing the audio, because she asks about mikage right after

in any case izaya continues to keep his head low, visibly reacting to what she's saying/pouring the water but never saying anything

we switch away again to him talking to celty and we're at a really weird place where half of it feels like izaya's going to be under there and earthworm is actually getting to him this time, and we'll see through the flashbacks a series of fuck ups or how he planned to be here and be unphased but he's a little bit shaken by the torture methods

and the other half of it feels like oh, through the flashbacks we'll find out how exactly izaya caught on to them trying to capture him and made a stunt double

the one post that's like "i dont see him complaining" continues to crack me up

we cut back to earthworm again but im running out room of this post lmAOOO

it's incredible how hard it is for me to stop talking like this is actually insane. see you guys in the continuation post i guess

[danwhobrowses]

One Piece Chapter 1088 - Initial Thoughts

So we're back for some more One Piece, and given the title 'Final Lesson' we look to be wrapping up the Fullalead incident.

A giant hand looms over the escape ship, but how will this part wrap up

Spoilers for the Chapter, Support the Official Release also

A pre-time skip colour spread for this week to commemorate the Netflix live action, even though it comes out the end of next month

We start with a flashback of the 'first lesson' Garp gives to marine students as a guest lecturer

A baby and an old man are stranded on an island of fierce beasts, but you only have a boat that can carry two, what do you do?

Young pre-puberty Coby answers as you'd expect: give the boat to the old man and the baby

But Garp says that's wrong - with a projectile aid - you should leave the old man!

Not-so-subtle foreshadowing eh?

Prince Grus had that cap even back then

Lecturer of course displeased by Garp's statement, since all life must be valued, but Garp retorts that the potential of youth is limitless, and thus you have to protect the future

Flashing further but not in present day, we see the fallout of Amazon Lily where Coby was captured

It appears he offered himself in exchange for 800 other marines and a battleship

Back in the present and we're back with the giant hand, cannonfire being useless against it

Oda, man, why is Tashigi here? I was so excited to see her come on board to contribute to rescuing Coby but she hasn't even stepped one foot off this ship! No fighting, no cutting this giant hand, why do you keep giving her nothing to do? Even Helmeppo's doing something!

Justice will prevail seems to be the prelude to Garp's latest plan

Coby's gonna destroy the hand once Garp gives them an opening, Helmeppo will make sure Coby has a clear shot and then Grus will use his fruit to catch the debris

Coby has doubts, but Garp says to never second guess yourself in the heat of the moment

Y'know like he did against Luffy at Marineford...

Grus and Coby are on the move, and the pirates chase him thinking them weak without Garp

Helmeppo takes a cannonball to give Coby and Grus more distance

Aokiji's back to confront Garp, but tis but a scratch

Aokiji says he was worried, so Garp launches at him, saying it's proof he's gone soft

Garp's taking aim at the main pirate head, right for Pizarro

Pizarro tries to not get distracted, but he eats a Galaxy Divide to the face

Much like Robin's DF, Pizarro sustains damage when the island is hit, which is a gigantic weakness to the fruit really, Pica didn't have that

The impact was able to split the whole pirate head too, which Coby takes as an opening

'So what are you gonna do?' 'I'm gonna live up to his expectations' - that's a good response

More flashing back as Garp asks Helmeppo why Coby is always looking so beaten up

Knowing that he wasn't combat savvy, Coby has been doing extra training on the daily, on top of Garp's special training, including working on the battleship bags

HIbari fears for Coby, as Kujaku looks to flee and Pizarro brags about his size compared to Coby

Honesty Impact goes straight through the hand, and the arm!

Everyone's surprised at Coby's strength, except Garp who's doing his proud parent laugh

Grus catches the debris and Helmeppo catches Coby

Hibari with a tacklehug as well, Coby's been picking up ships quite rapidly in his last few appearances

Celebrations happen as Tashigi confirms the rescue

But of course, Garp tells them to retreat without him

Coby wants to go back, but Grus remains defiant

Garp says they're all the future of the Marines as he stays behind, impaled in ice and surrounded by Blackbeard's men

And a solemn look on Aokiji's face

Narrator tells us that the news will say that Garp is reported as MIA after rescuing Coby, but also the headlines will be overshadowed by the Egghead incident, where Luffy will take on a siege on the future island

A break? Oda was 5 weeks not enough for you!?

It was another really good chapter, one that cements the progress for Coby with that punch.

I will admit that the enjoyment was dampened by the lingering issues I've had with this part of the story; frequent breaks upon breaks have not helped with pacing and Tashigi once again appears but does nothing.

It's not hard Oda, you put her here for a reason right? We could've had her on Egghead right now conflicting over statements that Luffy has captured the guy the Straw Hats let her take the Punk Hazard kids to in order to get treatment. Where's Smoker in all this too? You couldn't even let her cut one person? Could've even had her cut some of the rubble that fell out of Grus' net but noooooooooo. Do something with her, Chekhov's Gun is meant to fire! Also I still miss Bogard.

Also we got nothing of Perona and Moria, which is weird. Maybe they're on the Blackbeard ship going to Egghead? Seems strange we don't see them at all during the incident aside from the flashback of how Coby escaped his cell.

Aside from that though it kinda ended how I expected, Garp always would stay behind to defend Coby. He's looking in a bad spot mind you, but I still can't convince myself he's dead. To be fair, I can't convince myself that Kaido and Big Mom are dead either, but with Garp it feels like with all the Ls Fullalead took they benefit more from Garp being alive and used as a bargaining chip the same way they intended to use Coby. Garp is not SWORD either so the Navy don't have that out to use. In addition, Aokiji's ice can be used for pain relief and the spire could in fact be closing his stab wound, there's more to his face than just sadness.

Now though it seems next chapter we will return to Egghead, a chapter earlier than I predicted, so that must mean that 1090 has something cooking. But once more we are forced to wait, why does Oda like making us wait?

[atinysunbaby]

🌟Your first time meeting Enhypen🌟

(Heeseung and Jake)

Lee Heeseung

"Sorry-" You apologize to the person you just bumped in. The aile's quite small, resulting in a difficult passage. You manage to get to your seat in one piece, putting your luggage in the compartiment at the top.

No one else is sitting in your row yet, so you take your place right next to the window, like indicated on the ticket. Once you're comfortable, you close your eyes sighing in relief, only to be interrupted by a voice. "Umm.. hello?"

You turn your head immediately, your attention directed on his magnificent appearance. While being concatred on his face, you don't hear anything he's saying, until you make eye contact with him and start panicking. You answer the first thing that comes to your head. "I- Yes!"

Then you see the confusion on his face and mentally facepalm. "Yes?"

He repeats titling his head to the side like a cute puppy. "Your name is yes?"

You gasp and shake your head embarrassed. "No! No it's not, sorry- It's Y/N... I was uhh.. thinking about something!"

He smiles at your nervousness and tells you his name. "I'm Heeseung."

The way he says it makes you look at him once again, only to find his gaze already on you. You can feel the tension between you both, none of you looking away until someone clears their throat.

Your head snaps in the direction of the voice and you're met with another handsome man. "Yea- this shit was getting to intense bro."

Heeseung's face heats up and he slaps the boy's arm. "Shut up!" After teasing the flustered boy some more, Jay as he introduced himself, leaves to sit in the row behind yours.

For the whole flight, Hesseung and you had a great time conversing. Before you left on separated ways, you exange numbers. He shyly waves at you from the exit. You mirror the movement, hoping to see him again soon.

Jake Sim

Your everyday routine starts with walking your dog at early hours in the morning, spending that time to breathe in the fresh air and fill your mind with positive thoughts.

"Come on pup!" You call your adorable puppy over, waiting for him to come sit in front of you so you can put his leash on.

He excitedly runs over, breathing heavily with his tongue hanging from his mouth, no doubt knowing that it's one of his favorite moment of the day. You can easily notice his eyes shining with expectation and can't help but chuckle at his enthusiasm.

"Alright buddy, let's go!" You both make your way down the street, your dog stopping a few times to mark his territory and sniff around. You meet a few people on the way, but one person in particular steals your attention. "Don't! No please Layla!"

You watch as the boy desperately chases after his dog, sweat covering his forehead as if he had been running for a while. You feel bad for the guy, especially when the animal stops right in front of you with a proud look on her face, her tongue out and head turning to watch as her owner approaches.

"S-shit what a little fuc- ugh! You're such a bad dog Layla- why me?" He doesn't even acknowledge your presence for the first few seconds, too focused on scolding the little fugitive and hurriedly tying the leash to her collar back on. "I'm not mad girl, but please- don't you ever dare to run away again."

"Such a cute dog you have!" The moment he realizes someone heard and saw the whole thing, his face grows even redder then after all the cardio he did. "Oh shi- umm.. could you please pretend this didn't happen? I- I just ugh- this is really embarrassing."

"What do you mean? What just happened? I was just about to ask for your name." You play along to his request and don't mention his previous struggle and you're glad you did when you see his body becoming less tense and a smile appearing on his beautiful face. "I'm Jake, and this is Layla. What about you and the little buddy you have there?"

"Y/N and the cute pup's name is Rocky. Really nice meeting you Jake." You both smile uncontrollably and try not to stare too hard at each other. "So.. I need to get to work in about an hour but would you maybe.. like to exchange numbers?"

"Yes of course!" You chuckle at his eagerness, but you can't deny you feel the exact same way, you're just a little better at hiding it. You give each other's phone back right when you're done. "Ok so, talk to you later than?"

[shepherds-of-haven]

Hi Lena! I was wondering, which of the characters are most popular among your friends/family who have played shoh?

Hi anon, you might find this a bit weird, but I have never shown ShoH to any of my friends or family--they all know I'm working on a game, but I won't tell them what the name is or anything about it! 🥹😂 This is my modus operandi as an author and has been since I was young... I'm an extremely solitary writer, to the point where my professors and thesis directors would comment on it: even when I was in grad school, they knew I just sort of put my head down and did my own thing once left to my own devices, and that's when I do my best work! My creative process just tends to be really introverted and independent: I know what I want to accomplish and, while feedback always cheers and motivates me, I don't feel inclined to share with my non-writer loved ones until the whole thing is done! Even my editor and agent are aware that I don't talk about or share snippets of in-progress stuff; they just get the whole behemoth in its finished form at the end, or they get nothing! 🤣

So I don't talk about what I'm working on or show it to anybody in my offline social circle until it's completely finished and published! I can't explain exactly why, but I hate talking about my work or am very shy when it's the main topic of discussion (except in workshop/class/professional settings), especially when it comes to friends and family--even though they are beyond supportive, loving, and encouraging! It's a me thing, not them. So I avoid sharing it at all costs until it's done, set in stone, polished to its best form, and there's nothing to influence/change/doubt anymore because it's out there and pretty much out of my hands! (For example, I don't think I could write Chase or Tallys's thirst trap FWB routes as freely if I think there's even a chance of, like, my little sister or something reading along as I write it, so I just treat them as completely separate, divorced worlds and do whatever I want with total freedom until it's too late to worry about it!) It's worked out so far!

The only one who really knows about Shepherds is my partner, but he hasn't read beyond the Prologue because he always gets stuck reading the first chapter of something and then having to wait literal years on the edge of his seat until I'm done with the whole thing (this is happening with my current novel, too); because I always want to see his reactions to the final product rather than being "spoiled" while it's a WIP! But that means he gets teased with a really tantalizing beginning and then has to wait on agonized tenterhooks until I decide to end the torment. 😃 The only exception was when I was writing We Have Always Been Here: after several months of writer's block and tearing my hair out over it (and before I'd gotten my agent or editor), I finally caved and asked him to read what I had, we hashed it out, and I had an epiphany and completely burned that draft to the ground and started over. (Its main premise was fundamentally flawed, hence the writer's block: if you've read WHABH, you'll be interested/similarly mortified to know that the first version had aliens in it.) Then he read the new manuscript before I submitted it to my agent, and then read the book again when it came out, so in the end he had read three versions of the same story by the time it was published. So there were no surprises left for him, which wasn't as fun for me! He was thrilled to do it, but I wanted to see his awe and excitement and 'wow!' reactions when I was finally finished and proud of the final product, not when I was in the weeds with a draft I was ultimately going to slaughter anyway. 😂 So for Shepherds and everything else moving forward, I'm not letting him read anything until it's done!

We have joked here and there about livestreaming his reactions when he finally gets to read the whole thing for the first time, because I just know he's going to be shook and his reactions are always the best 🤣 I've kept all the big story details quiet to really get the most out of his patience, so he will be going in pretty much completely blind... All he really knows is that Blade's stock was initially the highest among fans, and his character went 👀 when meeting Tallys for the first time, but I truly don't know what else will happen with him beyond that... I'll be sure to keep a log when that time comes, if people are as curious as me!

Thanks for your question!

[skinnydippingsmile]

Peaky Blinders snippet

Thomas Shelby meets Zelda at the fair, trying to forget his past relationship with my mc- Mariana

A take on what Tommy and Zelda’s meeting could have been like

"Feeling lucky today boys?" A girl asked, approaching us with a smile

She was a gypsy girl through and through

With dark hair half pinned up, hoops dangling from her ears and a seductive look in her eye

She was trained to bring in customers, that was obvious.

"Maybe, why?" Freddie grinned

"We have a competition going, throw that bag over there the furthest and you win, and with big arms like you boys, I doubt you'll have any trouble" she said, running her ringed hand up my arm

She was good, I'll give her that

Distracting with her charm and smile

But it takes a kidder to know one

"No thanks, we're not here to play games" I said

She shrugged

"Fine, be a spoilsport" she teased, before slipping between the two of us to leave.

But I grabbed her arm, stopping her

"I'll have my cigarettes back though" I said, receiving a glare from her

She held her ground, before realising I wasn't messing around, and pulling them from her top

"Fine" she said, handing them over

Before leaving once again

"She's... something" Freddie commented, watching her leave

"Yeah, untrained" I said, she wasn't subtle at all.

But as I put my cigarettes back into my pocket, I looked down and realised

I had been played

She had taken my fucking pocket watch

The one Mar bought me.

"Where is she?" I asked, looking behind us

That was her ploy then, when you steal something and someone catches you, they don't assume you've stolen anything else

People always stop at one, they always have the confidence they caught a thief early.

"Uh, left at the horses, why?" Freddie asked

"She took my fucking watch" I said, going after her

I rushed down the direction she went, catching sight of her at the end of a row of stalls, before she looked back and caught on that I had realised.

She raced off, so I chased her

She hopped the gate out of the field and into another one, so I followed her, down a hill and across a small wooden bridge before I finally caught her

And pinned her against a large tree

She smiled at me, trying to catch her breath

"You're fast, for a townie" she laughed

"I'm not a townie" I said

I was Romani, like my mother.

I'd grew up on the road, in these fields, I knew how to scam someone and I knew how to deal with scammers.

"Give it back" I said

"Or what?" She asked

"Give it back" I demanded

"It's just a watch, what makes it so special?" She chuckled, pulling it out of her top, I reached to grab it but she held it up over her head

"Not so fast, what's it worth?" She asked

"Not a lot" I lied

"Must be for you to want it back so much" she said

"I don't like being stolen from" I said.

"And I don't like being chased" she smiled

"Just give it, and I'll leave" I said

"Hmmm no" she smirked

"I think I'll hang onto it" she said, tucking it into her bra

"Fuck sake" I cursed.

"You want it? You get it" she said

It was clear what she wanted

She wanted to play games, she wanted to fuck and she thought she was doing a good job at seducing me

When in reality, I was just happy not to be thinking about my problems, and I wanted my watch back

So I gave her what she wanted

I grabbed the side of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss

She responded easily, grabbing onto my shoulders and kissing me back just as hard

I wasn't proud of myself right now

I felt shameful as I pushed her up against the tree and fucked her

And I tried my hardest to think of her

To think of anything.

But my mind kept going back to Mariana

The way it always fucking did

And when she finally came, I was just glad it was over

I sat down by the tree, trying to catch my breath as she sat beside me, resting her head on my shoulder

I didn't want her beside me

I didn't want her to touch me

I just wanted my fucking watch back so I could leave.

To read more or the lead up, head to wattpad

Queen- Prequel- Joyce2205