#and STILL KEEPING SOMEONE NEAR

[paperlovesadness]

Summer comes; replay the scenes, frequently deceives

Rose-tinted fantasies deep inside of me

and

Your touch so ever tempting, I'll keep you near

Specifically aren't helping with my urge to connect things back to... A certain romance if you get what I'm saying.

I really... His lyrics... I can't help it I'm so sorry 😩

[ferociouslycreativemystery]

Finally finished washing, mending, ironing and polishing my thrift store finds, so please behold my first ever cosplay 😁

I got two pairs of shoes, one men's pair which is more worn but fits the cosplay better, and a unisex one that I just absolutely adore for everyday wear as well!

[questforgalas]

The High Republic series confirmed that part of a Jedi youngling’s day in the creche are midday naps on little nap mats, and now the image of all our faves in youngling form curled up on the nap mat is living rent free in my head

[maeamian]

Becoming deeply radicalized against the idea of crewed Mars missions, y'know how the Rovers keep sending back better and better data what if instead of that we made an even bigger one and devoted nearly 90% of its capacity to holding a guy in a bubble on top of it instead of sending back useful data, but wait! They'll eliminate like a half hour of latency and also almost certainly contaminate the landing site and possibly the entire planet, so it's not all downside.

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??

But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!

But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?

[cherry-treelane]

everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life

[lavenderjewels]

this was the most evil thing that’s ever happened in jjk

[ryllen]

my daughter has no personality other than being timid & poor from the start i kinda want her to pair her with someone manipulative that she trusted only because they are an octoling

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

[yaoianime]

Soon im rly gonna do it

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

[practically-an-x-man]

of course the day I plan to put in my two weeks notice is the day the dogs are actually calm and manageable and I should get out early

[anghraine]

Another form of Depression Discourse that I'm extremely wary of is "here are some things that can help with depression, so it's totally curable! You just have to do The Things, even if they're hard."

The issue is that—yes, there are things you may be able to do that can help with depression, for some people. There are habits that are likely to be helpful, like dragging yourself to things you normally like or getting exercise where possible.

Does this mean that those things intrinsically cure depression if you just pull yourself up by your bootstraps try hard enough? No. They can cure some people's depression completely. They can help other people's. It depends on the person.

But for me, the incessant do this, do that, you've got to take responsibility and get over it, has always been far more discouraging than learning about things like the relatively high rate of recurrence. I used to think that the reason I couldn't get past it was wholly on me. It kept coming back because I was lazy or undisciplined or self-indulgent or simply not doing the right things for whatever reason. Not trying hard enough. I told myself that if I could just summon up enough will to push myself past it, I would cure myself by sheer personal strength.

But I never could.

It tended to come back worse when I was under a lot of pressure, but no matter how good things were, it always returned. I'd spend a week or two feeling really good and motivated and energetic, then irritable and anxiously go-go-go yet very distractable—and then there'd be this awful crash into another episode of depression, over and over and over. I lived in my favorite city, I took walks, I went to readings, I volunteered, I kept myself and my apartment clean, and yet I couldn't overcome it.

The only thing that really put a significant dent in it was getting diagnosed as bipolar and put on mood stabilizers and eventually antipsychotics. And it still comes back! The crash is less extreme, most of the time—but I have grad student insurance for my medication, I have a psychiatrist and access to counseling when I need it, legal accommodations, and necessarily keep a fairly strict schedule. Going to my university in person rather than online helps, doing things I ordinarily like helps, sleeping regular hours helps. None of them help very much without medication. And for me, nothing helps enough to cure it.

The point is not that improvement is impossible, or that it never goes away for good. It does for some people! It does for many people. But, without denying the effort those people have put in, there is an element of good fortune to that. I think it's important for the people who aren't cured, who can never pull the bootstraps hard enough, to know that that's not a moral failing. It's not because we're weak or undisciplined, it's not because we aren't trying, it's not because we have any less value or merit than the people who get better or people who never have depression at all.

So, personally, I think a more important, generally accurate, and compassionate message than "depression will get better if you just try hard enough" is this one:

Whether you're cured or not, whether the usual recommendations help much or not, whether medications help or not: this isn't your fault.

[aq2003]

[takes a long drag from cigarette] keyleth would kin the doctor doctorwho

[impossible-rat-babies]

first OC thought of 2024 is brought to you by HW we love to see it !

[arielluva]

grief is such a weird emotion bc i can be fine most of the time even if it think about it, but then sometimes thinking about it digs it up all over again