#and THEN i get to finish my eileen icon

[castielsprostate]

need to actually work on some of my wips but thinking about doing those things is so much more fun

[katyspersonal]

Looked at some models myself

Hey guyes! Remember how I complained about wanting to become an old lady? Well, I have good news for you (and myself)....

LOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!

Okay this IS pretty cool! I was able to borrow that one save-editing program thanks to a friend (and the fact that code can be reused two times) so I was looking through some models, I wanna see more and figure some other stuff too, but... jees, seeing this for myself on the BIG screen is so much better than taking low-res pause captures from low-res youtube videos fsjdfh

This set comes in one piece, as only chest piece, but covers everything including head, and attempt to wear actual head/legs/arms pieces causes clipping.

I also found out that Adella’s dagger IS a weapon that can be equipped, sort of! I found out by looking at the page with Hex IDs for weapons, and it was right up there ( x ). So yes, I tried this one too.

Turned out that it does have strong attack animation AND charge attack programmed, however, they do not deal any damage. I’ve tried several times, and nope. Adella, apparently, only uses the L1 attack with it, that is rather slow and repeats her slowly staggering to stab us - you can see the damage it is dealing is rather low, actually. So, yeah, unfortunately, not effective weapon at all... It swings way faster if you use L1 after R1, but, again, doesn’t deal damage to any enemy!

Also it IS bigger than I thought it was o:

There are also these REALLY strange looking untextured black arm pieces for some reason. Don’t even know what to use them with, because they clip through other clothes. Was also really upset to find out that I could NOT, in fact, wear Mico’s cut content handcuffs or Garden of Eyes’ head.

Again, this is just soooooo much better up close and seen by myself!

Her clothes pieces also have actual icons, and even reasonable defence stats, which is so neat? Don’t know what else it is supposed to mean other than these were intended to be possible to loot and wear, but... yeah

I was editing a save file using IDs found by that cool person Sanadsk / Omega Fantasy, ones for armors are specifically revealed in this document ( x ), but there are also IDs for stuff like weapons and items ( x ). Interestingly, there are still no Hex IDs for weapons from DLC anywhere I could find... But I think that’s even to the better, because everyone must experience getting Rakuyo by themselves jhfdshjfdshfd I think I will just gather them on my own later, by keeping track of placing a weapon with known ID, recording where it is in the save file, and then equipping a DLC one on its place and writing down the number. It is really easy, just need to play until that point now because my progress was lost due to having to switch account on one possible for online :s ....but when I finish with that, I will NOT share Rakuyo’s ID with the public, because everyone should fight Shark Giants, ahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way, a myth got debunked!

I thought Annalise had a low-res ring on her hand, but turned out that it was just a clipping issue in her fingers, that applies to both hands! D: Yeah, there is a chest piece that, rather than just giving her dress, changes entire player’s model to Annalise! With ridiculously blueishly pale skin, long demelanized hair and... no face, apparently...

So yeah, I want to find out more stuff, such as how to replace one NPC with another to take a closer look and freeze enemies/bosses in non-hostile positions, I have some ideas on how that could possibly be pulled off! This thing is also convenient if you really need to look at something but you messed a questline (like how I had to start a new game to see Henryk’s armour because I accidentally aggroed Eileen early т.т). And of course I am going to save-edit dungeons! I can’t explain it well, it just... being able to see and capture things by myself feels so much better than relying on videos and screenshots found online?

However, one thing annoyed me! Like, I don’t know if the version of Save Wizard get to use is somehow ‘wrong’, or things are JUST like this, but there was one irritating thing that only occured to me a bit late?

Basically, imagine that you want to look at Adella’s dagger close, so what you want to do, is, obviously, to replace a Hex ID for weapon you already have in your equipment with Hex ID for it! For example, unleveled Hunter’s Axe! We can see ( x ) that Hex ID for Hunter’s Axe is 004C4B40 ! So what do you wanna do when you see 100500 lines of shit like this?

Naturally, just hit search for 004C4B40! But for some reason, the search instead glows blue at 40 4B 4C 00 instead! And yeah, you probably figured by now what is wrong here, but I didn’t get it at first? I kept searching and trying to find what was wrong, and then gave up and replaced 404B4C00 with the normal ID for Adella’s dagger - 000DBBA0 . And... I got jackshit. Just empty item.

But then I did realise that the weird numbers and letters search gives me do, in fact, make sense...... This ABSOLUTE MOTHERFUCKER, for some reason, wrote Hex IDs in inverted order! And not as in, ‘write the same line backwards’, no! Instead, the ID consists out of 8 symbols but they are paired, so you have to write PAIRS in reverse order, but not reverse the order of the letters themselves! So the correct way to insert Adella’s dagger would be to write 00 0D BB A0 as A0 BB 0D 00!

BUT HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?????? AAAAAAA!!!!!!

Again, I don’t know, maybe it is on me, I just thought it was painfully obvious how to use this program and I didn’t expect something to be odd, especially with Hex IDs already known to the public - why not write them in ‘correct’ order then? But yeah, the riddle was solved, and I get how it works a bit better now. This is really satisfying that I can DROWN in references now, but I’ll need to take my time with this thing, because with some stuff I still dunno what to do. For example, I saw people edit where Doll is by replacing her ID with ID of like... some cut content model such as King or Beltran, to take a closer look, but for that I do need ID for the Doll first. :thinking_emoji:

I will find out I guess, this thing is simpler when you get around intuitively knowing where is what code.

[the-rad-pineapple]

supernatural fic recommendations

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Red Horizon by imawoomie

Words: 55k

Description: An amazing case fic set during season 12 in a development within a small town in Arizona. The case is full of twists and turns which kept me glued to my screen. And, of course, great amounts of hurt/comfort. imawoomie is one of my favorite fanfic writers, and this is definitely one of my new favorites by them.

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john dee and chocolate chip waffles by angelfishofthelord

Words: 2.7k

Description: A wholesome friendship fic about Sam and Cas after their case in 14x15 "Peace of Mind". angelfishofthelord has such a beautiful writing style and captures Sam and Cas' dynamic pefectly. This one is an instant favorite.

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Another Word For Divine by CBlue

Words: 2.9k

Description: An angsty one-shot with a happy ending centering around Mary sometime in season 13. CBlue captures her internal struggle about wanting to be a mother while also being too late to really be one.

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Irish Turf by slipper007

Words: 715

Description: A super cute Saileen drabble about Sam and Eileen visiting Ireland and some of the memories Eileen has there.

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Love Is a Parasite by dumbassnatural

Words: 3.5k

Description: A sweet Destiel one-shot full of pining about Dean getting lice and Cas getting rid of them. Cas touches Dean's hair, and it's super cute.

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Don't Stop, Make It Pop by dumbassnatural

Words: 17.7k (in progress)

Description: Post-canon fix-it fic where everyone lives. Cas becomes a gay icon on TikTok. Despite the humorous premise, the story is full of pining and angst. Cas and Dean haven't brought up the Love Confession, and it's slowly killing them both. Sam wants to be with Eileen, but he also doesn't want to leave Dean, Jack, and Cas. And Jack has become Cas' manager for his TikTok videos, but he's also just a lonely kid who wants a friend. The story isn't finished, and I can't wait to see where it goes.

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Yippie-yi-oh, Yippie-yi-aie! by dumbassnatural

Words: 2.6k

Description: This is one of the cutest Destiel one-shots I've read. The story is in Cas' POV during 13x06 "Tombstone." Pining with a happy ending.

[poohkeepsee]

I was going through my AO3 bookmarks, and I wanted to organize them a little bit. These are my Dean/Cas canon-ish fic recs.

season 5

canticles  by  2street2car Words: 10,311     Chapters: 1

“But you know something? If I couldn’t get you laid, at least I gave you a good first date.”feat: footsies at a Ruby Tuesday, stargazing, the recreation of an iconic "Dirty Dancing" scene (no, not that one—the other one), and practicing for When You're With A Girl.

FTBYAM MY BELOVED

post season 6

Someone Who's Feeling For Me  by  ellispark  Words: 45,876     Chapters: 1

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

post bunker

Sun Can't Set Until Nine  by  LeverDrift Words: 67,939     Chapters: 16

Cas moves into the bunker as his powers start to fail. Dean doesn’t know if the arrangement is as permanent as he wants it to be. He's also not sure why he keeps dreaming about his friend. All he knows is that he wants Cas to stay. Overall warnings: canon-typical miscommunication & Dean having self-hatred issues.

Life Skills  by  ilovehowyouletmefall           Words: 26,052     Chapters: 3

After Metatron steals Castiel's grace, and Cas comes to live in the bunker, Dean spends a lot of time with him, sharing all of his favourite things. Dean can't help it if sharing things with Cas just makes everything better. Besides, it's Dean's job as Cas' friend to introduce him to the joys of human life. To teach him how to be human.  And if one of the experiences they end up sharing is sex with women, well... that's just part of Dean's job as Cas' friend too, right? The desire is triangulated, the rituals are intricate.

Sam Stole My Boyfriend  by  sobsicles    Words: 8,445     Chapters: 1

“Dude, you’ve been staring at me a lot lately, like even enough that Sam noticed. More than usual. So, like, what’s up?” Dean pauses, purses his lips and reconsiders. “What did I do?”

Cas knows that would be a perfect time to confess to Dean what exactly happened and what he was thinking. Maybe, Dean had some insight into the situation or even some kind of comfort to offer. But, the longer that he sat there, he realized that he could not tell Dean absolutely anything. So instead, for the first time, Cas fumbled.

“Um,” Cas mutters and abruptly stands. “Freckles?”

Dean blinked up at him as Cas pivoted and left the room. There was only one remaining option he had and unfortunately, it involved Sam.

Aching in the Absence of You  by  sobsicles Words: 95,090     Chapters: 10

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back.

He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales.

"Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time.

By nightfall, Cas is gone.

'Communication'  by  JustAnotherSamlicker Words: 11,656

The same story told from two perspectives.

Dean bought a house and he and Cas fix it up.

Is Dean moving out? Is Cas moving in?

Should they just talk to each other already? (Yes they should)

Build a Home  by  domesticadventures Words: 20,102

After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them.

He doesn't

season 10

The Most Important Thing  by  NorthernSparrow Words: 94,462     Chapters: 14

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

season 12

Heroes for Ghosts  by  pantheon_of_discord Words: 42,922     Chapters: 7

Canon-divergent from 12.08

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

season 13

i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees)  by  sobsicles   Words: 74,173     Chapters: 8

Dean keeps going back.

When he arrives, it's always to blooming flowers and a windmill in the background, not too far from a brook, the sun painting the plains.

He likes it there. He likes to stand in front of the makeshift urn and check that it's still where he put it, switching out the flowers when they wilt. He likes to listen to the sound of birds chirping, insects singing, the faint sound of water trickling in the distance. He likes to turn his face up and feel the sun on his skin, wondering if Cas would do the same if he were here, somehow knowing that he would.

He likes to talk.

There's never a response, but Dean feels the breeze rustle through his hair and watches the flowers bob when bees come to them and stares as the windmill keeps turning, turning, turning. And he imagines that Cas is replying—the windmill is the tilted head, the bobbing flowers are a gentle smile, the breeze is whatever words Dean wants to hear at the time.

Sometimes, it's almost like he's there.

Trial and Tribulations of Raising a Nephilim  by  Sickandtiredofyou Words: 14,910   Chapters: 6

Dean has far too much on his plate, losing his mom, his best friend and now being a single parent to a newborn nephilim.

In which Jack is an actual newborn instead of a teenager.

post season 13

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)  by  sobsicles           Words:     108,427     Chapters:     4

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next.

Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want."

"What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before."

"Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out."

"Easier said than done."

Reasons to read this:

Dean reads a story that ends like despair and his reaction is FUCK THAT

Cas wears Dean's hoodie

Jack is a toddler

The Jack and Claire sibling energy we deserve

Eileen being awesome and pulling pranks with Dean while Sam thinks she's an angel

Sam knows

YOUR HONOR THEY'RE IN LOVE

First Date  by  aeli_kindara Words: 8,968    Chapters: 1

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

Also known as the Dean Winchester makes the first move fic.

season 14

Broken Road  by  thegeminisage Words:     109,629     Chapters:     7

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end.

post season 15

fools and pilgrims  by  lagaudiere Words: 31,904     Chapters: 2

Claire shows up at the bunker a day before Dean was planning to leave, with her hair cut short and a fresh tattoo on her left arm under a bandage. Chuck is dead, Jack has given up his godlike powers, and Cas is back from the Empty, which doesn't make it any easier for Dean to talk to him. Suddenly finding himself in a world without monsters, supernatural forces, or any need for hunters, Dean's solution is to go on a road trip. Claire tags along.

Dean-Claire mirror fic post Despair

what's missing is found (our souls can exhale now)  by  sobsicles Words: 27,403

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

canon(?) au  (Hunters and Men of Letters)

Dean Winchester's Secret (Angel) Boyfriend  by  reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent Words: 11,191     Chapters: 1

Dean Winchester isn't exactly a team player. So when he starts mentioning a new Hunting partner, Ellen and Jo Harvelle aren't sure whether they should be worried or relieved.

But they're starting to get the feeling there's something important Dean's not telling them about Cas...

Shot Through The Heart  by  peanutbutterjelly-pie (Aleakim) Words: 11,191     Chapters: 1

Dean is a hunter.

Castiel is a Man of Letters.

And even though they have to work together on a regular basis, there is not much sympathy between them. Castiel thinks Dean too brash and reckless while Dean in return sees nothing more in the other man than a rude asshole with an obsessive love for books and a truly terrible fashion sense.

But fate clearly has a funny way of throwing those two together over and over again.

And somewhere along the way feelings change into something neither of them would have expected.

[trippin-over-my-fandoms]

To me, episode 19 was the perfect ending. Episode 20 was good in concept, but personally I don’t think it was executed well.

I want to go into directing and screenwriting as a future career. So that means my brain never stops with story lines. Under the cut is how I think 15x20 should have gone. You don’t have to read it, and it’s okay if you don’t want to and loved how it ended, this is simply my take on how it should have gone.

----

The scene opens with shots of the various rooms in the bunker as we witness Sam and Dean packing. Shots such as panning down the halls as Dean carts out weapons, into the boys’ rooms as the box up their personally belongings, and so on. As the shots continue, it’s evident that this has gone on over the course of a few days and they’re down to just a few clothes in respective duffel bags now.

The next shot is of the boys standing in the library by the table where their initials are engraved. Miracle sits obediently at Dean’s feet.

Sam looks around the bunker, his usual Sam eyebrow scrunch like he’s taking it all in. “Can’t believe we’re saying goodbye to this place.” Dean says, scratching the dog behind his ears. Sam nods and looks to the table where it shows the engravings of their initials and their mother’s, joined now Castiel’s and Jack’s names. “Yeah,” Sam says with a breathy laugh, “it’s been home for so long that it almost doesn’t seem real.” Dean nods. “Yeah but we got better waiting on us right?” Sam’s phone dings, the camera shows him picking it up to reveal a text message from Eileen. “Speaking of which,” Dean comments.

Sam smiles and takes another fond look at the place. “Better but... There’s no way I’m forgetting this place.” Dean laughs, “Forget? Are you kidding? There’s no way in hell we’re gonna forget any of it. Not even if we want to.” His smile seems to fade with the last sentence. Sam starts to say something but Dean starts again. “We better get going. I’ve got a long drive and Eileen is probably counting the seconds until you’re officially moved in together.” There’s a knowing grin on his face.

The camera follows Sam and Dean as they exit, climbing up the stairs one last time. They both look over it and so does the audience. Then the boys shut off the lights.

The next shot is of them outside by the impala and a truck we’re to assume is Sam’s. Dean locks the bunker door and hands the key to Sam who doesn’t immediately take it and throws Dean a confused look. “We’re hanging it up for good but I want you to keep it.” He says, “knowing you, you’re gonna run out of reading material at some point. Besides, it’s better off with you anyway. I’ll probably lose it.” Sam takes the key.

Dean throws his bag into the impala and Sam puts his in the back of the pickup. “Call me when you get Bobby’s place up and running okay?” Sam tells Dean, “I wanna see what you do with the place. Maybe I’ll throw business your way.” He smiles and this is the hint that Dean goes to South Dakota to become the mechanic he’s always wanted to be with the nostalgia of running his business on the remnants of Singer Auto. “As long as you call me as soon as you and Eileen get settled. And I want to be the first one you call when you decide you’re gonna ask her to marry you.” Dean responds. Second sentence is optional.

They share a hug before they both leave. An areal shot shows them driving off.

The next scene is a small montage. It shows Dean driving the impala to South Dakota then to rebuilding Bobby’s house and fixing up cars. While on Sam’s end it’s him settling in with Eileen. (Can be done in ways that don’t necessarily show her because I understand the actress at the time of shooting possibly had other projects and life commitments.) It’s very mundane.

Then, we see them meeting up for a holiday. Maybe thanksgiving since the show ended in November. Again, can be shown in ways that hint that Dean is with someone without really showing anything other than the boys.

And then they’re meeting up for Christmas except this time there’s a few extra. And by extra I mean kids.

You get to see more glimpses of them in the domestic and happy lives they deserve and have wanted all along. You can even incorporate a, much better, aged looking version of the boys to show that they’ve grown older.

The final shot before the next scene is the two of them sitting separately at their homes, content in their lives, maybe even side by side, before it pans up at the sky.

Then it pans down on the two brothers sitting opposite each other at a picnic table somewhere in a park. They look around similar to when they had at the bunker. “So this is it huh?” Sam says to Dean who nods, drinking a beer. There’s some contrast here because in previous clips they had aged but now they seem to be younger again. “Yep, Jack’s changed the place up so it’s not just memories anymore. It’s kinda awesome.” Theyre in Heaven now, at the end of their lives. Dean has also died at some point before Sam who’s just arrived.

Sam laughs at him because Dean is still classic Dean. They’re silent for a bit and you get the two of them taking it all in.

Finally, Sam speaks, “It was...” Dean finishes for him, “A lot.” Sam nods.

“Would you do it again?”

“Yeah. You?”

Sam is quiet, then, “At the end of it all? Being here? Yeah. Yeah I think I would. So much of it was awful and I still don’t understand why but it’s all we’ve known.”

“I don’t know, we helped a lot of people. Maybe more than we realized.” This is a nod to the audience who have grown up with Supernatural and those that the show has helped get through tough times. “Maybe that counts for something.”

We spend time with the boys reminiscing over some of their memories, recaping some episodes with clips of the scenes they’re talking about. Except for some comedic relief they get parts of it mixed up.

After this is done, Dean stands, “Well, you ready to catch up with everyone? I’m sure they’ll want to here about what you got up to. They’re pretty bored of all my stories by now.” Sam nods as he stands.

The next shot is of the boys walking side by side with figures that resemble John and Mary Winchester on either side of them. This was my mom’s idea. Where you get to see them forge their own families but in the end they finally get to have the family they’ve always wanted. It Fades to black and the iconic “Carry On My Wayward Son” starts playing. A special thanks from the guys themselves and an end title card to those they helped and honoring ones they’ve lost along the way.

The End

Let me know you’re thoughts on this! Should I write it out and make it more detailed and publish on ao3? Anything you would have done differently? Personally I’m choosing to believe Supernatural ended at 15x19 to leave fans with their own endings so I’d love to hear yours as well!! Especially if you took the time to read mine!!

[goldrushzukka]

I'm a slut for question games-

1, 7, 15, 50. Answer one or answer all! 🧡

1. vibe check: describe your mood using images from your phone

7. are you planning to rewatch the show?

i am actually in the middle of a rewatch! im documenting my thoughts on twitter here and @sapphicrowena

15. favourite season

i love s13. it has everything i like: heavy-handed destiel content, very weird filler episodes, sweet baby jack, lesbians, and dean's cowboy fetish. iconic moment.

and i guess you mean 40?: what happy ending do you want from the show?

dean and cas resurrect the harvelles' roadhouse. they help hunters rolling through with their cases if they're nearby, but mostly they bicker and make heart eyes across the bar at each other and slow dance to cheesy rock ballads on the jukebox. jack lives with them because he's 3 years old and not finished being raised and claire treats him like a little brother when she comes to visit, which is once or twice a month, any time she passes through that part of the country on her way to or from a hunt. sam and eileen run a bnb an hour away that becomes locally famous for its weirdly specific library. everyone gets to grow old and die of cheeseburger heart attacks.

[intervital]

#100BrightMoments On April 7th, I'm going to start #The100DayProject where you do something creative daily for 100 days. Mine will revolve around bright moments where each creation must benefit at least one individual, and they can be my(future)self. Maybe a kind letter, a favorable review, portrait, etc. Something that can brighten someone's day. It doesn't necessarily have to be finished in a single day, but much progress must be done. Me and my future self can't be the recipient more than ten times.

Here are some ideas, and I'd like to do at least 30/42. For fun, each icon is based on the previous task. I really enjoyed doodline hehe:

💡 Fan mail

💌 Zine review

(Stapler) origami

(Book corner origami on a page) mail art [small scale artwork sent via post]

(Stamp) message of hope [mail a positive art work to be hung in the store windows of The Imaginarium of L. Delaney in New Orleans]

(Hung up sign of a butterfly) bookmark

🔖 Ode

(Scribbled lines then by Eileen) junk journal [handbound notebooks composed of junk ephemera like security envelopes, flyers, receipts, greeting cards, stationery, packaging, etc]

✂️ Care package

📦 Legacy The Sketchbook Project [original & tiny sized sketchbook projects for my future children]

(Lil & big ones) Art-o-mat® - Don't Go 'Round Artless! prototype [a hand-crafted small art object sold in converted cigarette machines across the nation. Maybe tiny junk journals?]

(Wooden block with a 💜) video for future ei [message for 5 years from now, when I'm 40, after giving birth, first time I fall in love]

📽️ Prayer

🕯️Time capsule [doesn't have to be buried, but should be sealed and has a written to open date]

(Shovel) @abandonedb2dbc on instagram (my guerilla art project where I abandon (loosely) connected books, lit mags, inspired written works & small gifts. Not sure how it'll work during Covid-19, but maybe I can catch up with the blog & story I didn't do for the last one.]

(Park bench has a ribbon wrapped book with gifts and a 🌼 beside it) The World Needs More Love Letters [a global project where each month you send letters to struggling recipients who could use some light]

(A stack of 📃✉️) book review

(Five ⭐s surrounding a 📗) meal

🍽️ The Wander Society

(⭕ with a ⚡ inside) printable [I'm not a graphic design whiz but maybe I can write up some quotes in ornate boxes? Idk lol]

(Sheet with different shapes) stickers

[My 2 in 1 sprocket printing out a sticker photo] flower arrangement

💐 Journal w/ me [video of me creating journal spread]

💻 Creative prompt

(Try with scribbled lines) underrated TV show review

📺 Sci-fi short film screenplay [an outline or a few pages]

(Potted Venus flytrap) guerilla art [artwork in public, so chalk quotes, zines outside, surprise bouquets, seed bombs. can't go outside unless absolutely necessary so maybe craft some stuff for when I can]

(🗑️ Next to a 📮 with a 🌟 sticker) cairn [artful stack of rocks, usually found in parks or hikes]

(Rocks on top of each other) #messagestoc [100 different messages in a 100 places, think I'm only on 4 lol. I'll just make one and save it for later]

(📖 With a postcard inserted) portrait [can be a photo]

📸 Book dedication [pick a book I wanna gift and write something sweet on the inside front cover]

(Dear --- I love you. Eileen) Rowan Hisayao Buchanan's # tinyisolations [she gives a weekly flash fiction/small art prompt. Randomly selected winners get sent money and also choose another person or charity that could use the help]

(☁️S surrounding a hot air balloon) Spotify playlist

🎵 @thedigitalsala (Twitter & Instagram handle) contribution [virtual Filipinx lit+ festival. Maybe I can read a piece, write a recap, organize a panel, transcribe]

🛋️ Guest blog [no clue where lol but maybe it'll manifest]

{Profile pic beneath ....... Eileen Ramos is a bipolar) video of a reading [preferably of my own work. But it would be fun to read a favorite poem or passage of an underrated author]

▶️ Handlettering [my handwriting is shitty but I think it'd be fun to try to do a quote. I could use the practice lol]

(📝 With a ✒️) Kleroteria [was chosen to write an email to be sent to 10k inboxes awhile ago. I have an idea but need more info & add other stuff. At most 3k characters, no pictures, links are ok, no ads]

📬 verse.press poetry playlist [website where you can create a themed list of poems]

(V icon) column [working on a pitch for a lit website; need to streamline & narrow it down]

(Greek column) FOUND Magazine entry [found magazine collects contributions of found notes. I have something to submit but idk where I placed them. Hopefully I'll come across it]

(Found mag logo) learningtoloveyoumore.com task [70 assignments by Miranda July & Harrell Fletcher which can be take a picture of your parents kissing, write the phone call you when you could have, recreate a poster you had as a teenager, photograph a significant outfit, write down a recent argument]

[psi-psina]

I got tagged by @taule ♡♡♡ (luv you)

Rules: tag 9 people you’d like to get to know better

Top 3 Ships:

Johnlock; The greatest and most iconic ship of all time, only made more so by how deeply reviled and boringly misunderstood it is lmao. BBC (2010) is the ultimate form but canon Holmes/Watson is every bit as good and right.

Fitz/The Fool (The Realm of the Elderlings); The only ship to ever give me more grief and brain damage than Johnlock. Truly excruciating. Ms Hobb deserves more jailtime than Mark for how she ended them, I’ll literally never get over it.

Domlene (Mr Robot); never thought I’d be someone who could become emotionally unhinged by run away with me by miss carly rae jepsen but sam esmail...you did that for me. Dom and Darlene are the absolute height of Mr Robot I just can’t believe that Esmail created such a beautiful and rounded relationship between these two characters that is thematically central to the entire show’s denouement 😭

Last Song: Tongues of Wild Boar by Hilary Woods

Lipstick or Chapstick: Chapstick/lip balm. I use Blistex every day bc my lips get so dry and it’s the only thing that helps with the cracking and flaking in winter and spring. I like lipstick but have never really owned any or bothered to wear it.

Last Movie: Prisoners (2013) by Dennis Villeneuve. Not on par with Incendies but nonetheless magnificent...and that ending, my god...

Reading: I’m actually on a good reading streak right now. In the last week I’ve read Milkman by Anna Burns, The Vegetarian by Han Kang and Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh. Currently reading Lives of the Monster Dogs by Kirsten Bakis (I picked it up used years ago and it’s been sitting around since - it’s not bad). I absolutely LOVED Eileen and I can’t wait to read My Year of Rest and Relaxation and her short stories. When I’ve finished the Monster Dogs I’ve got Convenience Store Woman (finally! - can’t wait to read this) and a few books by Yoko Ogawa. I want to read a LOT of books this year - last year I barely read anything because Robin Hobb’s final Fitz trilogy emotionally scarred me and it took me MONTHS to get over it and feel like picking up a book again.

Tags if you see this on your dash you are OBLIGATED to do it!!!

[venomlion3]

UPDATE 9/18/19 - Updated Bill’s ref to include streaks of gray hair!!

Here’s my new designs for the Losers Club based on their 2017/2019 movie versions!! Each ref comes with a kid/adult version of each Loser, a paw with their blood pact scar on it and additional refs for certain Losers (Stan’s bandages/scars, Ben’s ‘H’ scar, Bev’s long hair and Eddie’s cast)

You can see their old refs here https://www.deviantart.com/venomlion3/gallery/64416621/it

More details (aka ramblings) under the cut!

Bill Denbrough

I like Bill! His relationship with Georgie is very sweet and as I mention in his old ref I probably would've done exactly what he did if it meant I could find my sibling (and as an only child who could've had a younger brother I really feel for him,,,,). He also looks like such a dad in the 2019 movie and that's great

In IT Venomverse (yes that's a thing now if you haven't checked out my status update) he's married to Mike and Stan, and together they have 3 kids;  Harper Denbrough (BillXStan), Noel Hanlon (MikeXBill) and Eileen Uris (MikeXStan)

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Mike Hanlon

Mike is such a good character,,,,I love his relationship with his dad in the book and he's just a great guy in general. I would've loved to see more of him in Chapter 1 (I do wish he was the history nerd instead of Ben but hey I can headcanon that they're history nerds together) but I did enjoy the scenes he was in. I still don't know how to feel about him being a substance abuser in Chapter 2 but if that's how he figures out the Ritual of Chüd I guess it works??? Idk I'm just happy to see Mike get more screen time in general he deserves it In IT Venomverse he's married to Bill and Stan, and together they have 3 kids; Harper Denbrough (BillXStan), Noel Hanlon (MikeXBill) and Eileen Uris (MikeXStan)

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Stan Uris

I decided to give his adult design the scars just because I thought it'd look cool? Also his adult design is spooked since he's the only Loser that doesn't come back to Derry and I wanted to hint at that (it's a good thing the Featurette came out when it did cause it gave us a clearer reference of adult Stan after he gets the phone call and I needed that for this ref) I really like Stan! His dry sarcasm is funny and idk I just find him interesting. Also, that scene at the end of the movie where he says he hates Bill but then breaks out into laughter??? That was really cute. It's gonna be hard watching his death in Chapter 2 ;;; In IT Venomverse he's married to Bill and Mike, and together they have 3 kids; Harper Denbrough (BillXStan), Noel Hanlon (MikeXBill) and Eileen Uris (MikeXStan)

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Ben Hanscom

God Ben.......I love Ben. He's such a sweetheart and he loves Bev so much it makes my heart swell!!!!! I've been rereading the IT book in the hopes I'll have it finished before I go see Chapter 2 and there's a part where he whispers 'Beverly Hanscom' a few times and blushes super hard and I just???? Ben you are a treasure I can't wait for more Benverly moments in Chapter 2,,,, I know they get married and Bev gets pregnant after they defeat IT in the Miniseries and they leave Derry together in the book so that's awesome In IT Venomverse he and Beverly are married with 2 kids; Cosette Hanscom and Toby Marsh

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Beverly Marsh

Although I love all the Losers equally Bev always had a special place in my heart. Her relationship with the other Losers is very sweet and I just think she's rad. Also, her relationship with Ben is so cute????? Whenever I rewatch the scenes where she gets his poem or signs his yearbook I get teary-eyed, and just having her find the poem again in the first teaser trailer got me emotional all over again,,,, I can't wait to see her interactions with Ben in Chapter 2 and I ALSO can't wait to see her beat the shit out of her abusive husband yet again???? Iconic In IT Venomverse she and Ben are married with 2 kids; Cosette Hanscom and Toby Marsh

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Richie Tozier

God ok,,,,,,I know I mention in Eddie's ref that his death is gonna make me cry but Richie's reaction to the whole thing for sure WILL kill me. The Featurette made me sad because seeing Richie being so desperate that Mike AND Ben had to hold him back is just. Jesus. I already know my ass is gonna be crying in the theater because just THINKING about the Losers makes me tear up for no reason at all so when I see a sobbing Richie and a dying Eddie desperately clinging to each other and Richie having a breakdown over his death on the big screen I'll be a gotdamn mess!!!! IT Venomverse is honestly just gonna be a way for me to cope after I watch it. I still can't believe I didn't catch them throwing in Eddie's death scene in the trailer until I watched it a few times,,,, ANDY YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME ANYWAYS I love that Richie is still wearing funky patterned shirts even as an adult. He's my fashion icon and I love it,,,,whenever I wear a shirt that makes me feel like a gay dad at a BBQ I thank Richie for being my muse In IT Venomverse he and Eddie are married with 2 kids; Gwen Kaspbrak and Seth Tozier (yes, Seth's name is a reference to Seth Green who played young Richie in the Miniseries!)

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Eddie Kaspbrak

* I gave him central heterochromia because I gave him blue eyes based on what he has in the book but he has brown eyes in the movie so I just said fuck it and used both :3c Oh god Eddie............Eds..........Spaghetti Man..........I'm not ready for Chapter 2 SPECIFICALLY because of what's gonna happen to him. I love Eddie and I know for sure his death is gonna break me. Moving away from that emotional hell, I'm really happy with the casting they did for Adult!Eddie!! The adult Losers are on point anyways but Eddie's is like WOW. On another side note, Miniseries Adult!Eddie is a cutie and I love him so much In IT Venomverse he and Richie are married with 2 kids; Gwen Kaspbrak and Seth Tozier

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[artificialqueens]

Go The Fuck To Sleep- Farrah/Aja- Ortega

A/N: I feel like I’m emerging from a coffin for how long it’s been since I wrote/submitted anything. Hey everyone! It’s good to be back. In case any of you were wondering about Just the Game We’re In (and God bless you if you are because it’s literally been 7 months I’m SO SORRY) I’ve now got a little bit more free time which I’m using to write chapter 4, which should be here soon! For now though, this is a horribly cheesy, horribly unoriginal High School AU Farrah/Aja. It’s just horrible. Yeah I’m really good at selling my fics. I really hope you guys enjoy it!!

Aja just wants to get a little sleep. Farrah just wants to talk. They’re both worried for the future.

Aja didn’t see the high school obsession with sleepovers. They were boring, and the same things happened at them every time; some neon pink chick flick would get stuck on TV (and if she had to watch Legally Blonde ever again she’d commit a murder), Sasha would start smearing them all with that horrifying olive oil and egg white mixture she passed off as a face mask, and the girls would get stuck in the same rut gossiping about the other bitches they shared a year group with. She wished she could say the gossip revolved around what had been happening at the amazing, Mean Girls-esque house parties they’d all attended last weekend, but in reality the only party Aja had been to recently was her little cousin’s Christening and the most exciting thing that had happened there was her Nan cracking her pelvis dancing to Come On Eileen. Shuddering a little at the memory, Aja tried to tune in to the conversation her friends were currently engaged in.

Alexis was the one chattering away from her position on the big double bed, mouth going at around 50 miles per hour as she retold something that had happened to her in English, Aja had gleaned. Alexis seemed to be the one telling stories half the time, her constant talking both a great delight to the girls and the bane of her teachers’ lives. She barely shut up for a second in class, and often had to be sent to isolation. Aja often wondered how much of that had to do with Alexis getting held back a year. She never asked.

Sitting listening intently beside her was Valentina, one of Aja’s oldest friends. They hadn’t entirely hit it off originally, Aja finding her a little too airy-fairy and goody two-shoes to be bearable, but being sat together in one of the most dismal, soul-destroying Geography classes known to man sort of forced them to befriend each other, like two tectonic plates fusing together. She was currently smiling up at Alexis, her little angelic face covered in Sasha’s homemade face mask. Sasha herself was squashed in at the side of the bed, paying not the slightest bit of attention to the conversation- if it could be called that- and was instead biting back a smile as she blushed at the bright white of her phone screen. Aja smirked to herself. Shea. She was glad that Sasha was happy, her friend having been subjected to the barbs of Eureka and her clique both for being out and for being bald. Some individuals at their school (Sasha would call them misguided- Aja would call them cunts) seemed to think that Sasha’s fashion choice was a personal insult to anyone going through cancer, and had taken to really laying into her if she happened to be in a class with the wrong people. The fact she was gay only made things worse for her. Aja’s heart went out to Sasha. The hassle she got for being out was one of the reasons Aja wouldn’t even entertain the idea of doing so herself, at least not while she was still at school.

The other reason was sitting on the mattress on the floor beside her, laughing at Alexis’ story and completely unaware of the fact that Aja was gazing at her. Farrah was a little different to the rest of Aja’s friends, in that she didn’t find her other friends wildly attractive to the point here she had a huge, embarrassing crush on them. Farrah had joined their year at the start of term, and while most of her year group was wondering why she’d joined in the last year of High School, Aja was wondering why she’d decided to pack an entire pan of Skin Frost onto her cheekbones. That was before Alexis had steered the tiny blonde girl to their table at lunchtime, and before she eventually became part of their circle of friends, and before Aja realised she was utterly fucked because you couldn’t be around someone so bubbly and giggly and sweet and not fall in love with them ever so slightly.

Admittedly she was going a bit far there. But it didn’t change the fact that she was living out the biggest fucking cliché- she was a girl who had a stupid crush on one of her best friends, and like hell was she admitting that to anyone, least of all Farrah. Hell, she’d barely admitted it to herself. And that led Aja to another reason she hated sleepovers- the constant chat about who liked who, and how long for, and what they were going to do about it (the answer was always nothing). She seemed to be safe for now though, as talk had turned to the prospect of leaving school in a couple of months’ time. Aja couldn’t help but laugh as Valentina chattered away, excited to finally move away to uni in September.

“Girl, none of us are ready for uni, are you kidding?” she piped up, all heads in the room now craning onto the floor where Aja sat. “Look at the state of us, it’s a Saturday night and we’re all round at this hoe’s house for the millionth time instead of, I don’t know, going out or drinking in the park or something wild.”

“Drinking in the park. Shoot for the moon Aja, even if you miss you’ll land amongst the stars,” Sasha smirked from over the white gleam of her phone. Aja rolled her eyes as her friend’s quip earned her a howl of laughter from the other girls.

“You know what I mean, though. I mean, if Eureka can do it why can’t we?”

“Because the only reason Eureka gets into clubs is because she’s sucked the pole of every bouncer in the country- fact,” Alexis raised her eyebrows, clearly seeing herself as the oracle of the room.

“Well you know my friend Kimorah,” Farrah piped up, her face in awe of her own story. “She’s been going out since she was fourteen, and she’s never even been lifted or anything!”

“You’re both purveyors of bullshit,” Sasha deadpanned, earning her a holler of laughter from Aja and Alexis.

“Guys, I’m serious,” Aja laughed, once her stomach muscles weren’t quite as tight from howling at Sasha. “We need to do something soon! I mean Alexis, you could have been getting us vodka for tonight or something. We’re letting your talents as an 18 year old go to waste here.”

“Well, we don’t need alcohol to have fun. We’re fun just as we are,” Alexis shrugged, then stopped abruptly. “Oh sweet Jesus, that’s the grossest, most cringe thing I’ve ever said.”

“Can you not stand us when you’re sober then, Aja?” Valentina laughed, a hint of worry behind her words. Aja sighed and flung herself onto the mattress as the other girls looked at her questioningly.

“No, guys, come on. I just- it’s hard seeing everyone else in our year living their best lives, alright? We’re young and…I don’t know. We’re going to uni, and Sasha’s going to art school, and Alexis is staying here-”

“Stacking shelves in Tesco is a highly underrated career path, to be honest.”

“- I just mean…we’ve not got long together, and I want us to have fun. You know?” Aja finished, glaring at Alexis as a thanks for her interruption.

“We do have fun though. Just different to Eureka and her friends,” Farrah said softly, resting her hand on Aja’s. Fuck, why did she have to do that?

“Pfft, friends. They’re her clique, Farrah, don’t let her fool you any different,” Alexis rolled her eyes, thankfully not noticing Farrah’s hand which strangely enough hadn’t moved from Aja’s. Aja gave her a sideways glance, her hand completely frozen still, afraid to move it. Just as Aja turned to move her head away, Farrah caught her look of bewilderment and jerked her hand away as if Aja’s was made of boiling lava. None of the girls up on the bed noticed this exchange, and instead Valentina started clamouring for another movie.

“I swear to God if you all pick House Bunny-” Aja murmured under her breath.

“Let’s watch House Bunny!” Valentina yelped with glee, Alexis and Farrah excitedly agreeing and Sasha indifferently nodding, her attention turned to her phone again as her thumbs tapped lightning-fast against the screen.

Aja rolled her eyes. “God, you bitches can’t even pick something iconic?!”

Her mind was soon changed around half an hour into the film, where the room was completely dark except from the colours and light of Alexis’ wall-mounted TV. The three girls on the bed were all lined up horizontally along it like little hot dogs on a grill, which left Aja and Farrah on the mattress on the floor. Aja had been a hair’s breadth away from sleep, and she remembers looking at the clock and it being just past one. She could’ve just succumbed to her fatigue, that was until she felt a small shuffling at her side and the soft nuzzle of Farrah’s head against her crossed legs. Aja almost froze solid. For a second she thought about tangling her fingers through Farrah’s blonde waves of hair, but didn’t. To other girls, the action would have been perfectly platonic; to Aja, it would have been a step too far.

The clock eventually read two am, and the girls began to gradually turn in for the evening (or, morning), the telepathic mutual understanding between the five that none of them were awake enough for any more chat and none of them would keep their eyes open long enough for another film. Apart from Aja. She lay awake staring up at the ceiling, her stomach turning over with worry. The point she’d made earlier rang loudly in her ears- she and the girls didn’t have long together at all before they all went off separate places. More specifically, if she was ever going to admit to Farrah that she liked her, she didn’t have long until they would be living in opposite ends of the country. Anxiety and exhaustion chewed away at her. Annoyed at her own mind, Aja turned over on the small mattress, exasperated. Just then, she heard what sounded like a whisper. She listened intently in the dark silence of the room.

“Aja?” she turned onto her stomach. Peering at her from her own single mattress was Farrah, her eyes bright in the glow of the lights from the street outside. Aja blinked a little in confusion.

“What is it?”

“Are you awake?” Farrah whispered back, and Aja almost laughed at her ridiculousness.

“Yes I’m fucking awake, what kind of question is that? I’m looking right at you,” she snorted, propping herself up on her elbows. Farrah frowned, unimpressed.

“I don’t know! You could have been…sleepwalking or something,” she rolled her eyes, rubbing them immediately afterwards. Aja could have begun tearing apart Farrah’s last comment but decided there were more pressing matters to discuss at half two in the morning.

“Well what is it?”

“I’m cold,” Farrah said simply, shuffling nearer to the edge of her own mattress. Aja thanked God she hadn’t been asleep already, or this bitch would’ve caught hands.

“And that’s my problem because…?” Aja raised her eyebrows, watching as Farrah’s brow furrowed. She didn’t seem annoyed at Aja, more that she was working up to saying something or asking something she was too afraid to say out loud.

“Can I share with you?” she finally murmured, her eyes downcast. It suddenly felt like something had exploded in Aja’s heart. A quick hug every so often at school was easy enough, but a whole night in the closest proximity to Farrah she’d probably ever been was way too much. Still, though, Aja had never been known to make things easy for herself in any aspect of her life.

“Sure,” she said simply, scooting to one edge of the mattress and lifting the duvet as an invitation. “But if your fucking ice cube body touches me even once, I’m kicking you out.”

As Farrah smiled gratefully and shuffled over to where Aja slept, Aja praised herself for her quick thinking, which was probably a hair’s breadth away from just outright saying “but this doesn’t make me gay or anything”. Farrah’s body was warm behind her and Aja wanted more than anything to just turn over in bed and spoon her, but she reminded herself that anything more than this would be a very bad call. Trying to ignore the girl sleeping beside her, Aja closed her eyes and waited for sleep to take her.

She was almost there, until she was awoken by another whisper.

“Aja?”

Her eyes snapped open in irritation. “I was asleep that time, you shit. What is it?”

“Nothing,” Farrah’s voice carried softly from behind her. “I was just thinking.”

“Well, don’t hurt yourself,” Aja sighed, thumping her head against the pillow and thinking that if she knocked herself out maybe then she’d get a decent sleep.

“No, I was just…well, I’m worried, that’s all.”

Frowning, Aja turned over to face her. It was only then that she realised how small the mattress was that they were both sleeping on. Her face was so close to Farrah’s that their noses were almost touching, and there was only a tiny gap between their bodies, which Farrah had dutifully not breached. Taken aback a little, Aja almost forgot what she was going to say.

“What are you worried about?”

“Just uni, and going away. Everything’s just going to change and we’re all going to become such different people…and we’re all going to make new friends, and you’ll all probably stop wanting to hang out with me,” Farrah pouted, her eyes failing to meet Aja’s own. Aja snorted- Farrah had a reputation in their group for being a bit of a drama queen, and she wasn’t doing much to disprove that theory now.

“Farrah. You’re being an idiot.”

“No, I’m not! I swear this is how I actually feel! I’m worried, Aja,” she whined, eyes still cast towards the bottom of the mattress.

“Oh, girl, for Christ’s sake, none of us are going to stop hanging out with you,” Aja sighed endearingly, throwing an arm over Farrah’s shoulders and pulling her close without thinking. “We’ll all still be friends, even if we’re all in different places. Besides, home friends are like, cool when you go to uni. If you say your home friends are coming to visit then all your uni friends feel the pressure to go hard because otherwise we’ll go back to our own unis and tell everyone how shit and boring everyone is at yours.”

Seemingly cheered up, Farrah finally met Aja’s eyes as she looked up at her with a smirk. “This is speaking from experience, right?”

“Oh, shut up. Look, we’re all still going to have each other no matter where we are, okay?” Aja insisted, squeezing Farrah in the hug. She felt the smaller girl nod against her chest and suddenly felt fiercely protective of her.

“Thanks Aja,” Farrah whispered against her, bringing an arm round Aja’s waist to hug her back. Aja could feel her heart thudding heavily in her ribcage. This was exactly what she didn’t want to happen, and now they were both essentially cuddling on a single mattress in the early hours of the morning. This was the opposite of good.

“Now can you go to sleep already?” Aja chided softly, making to pull away from the hug. Farrah’s arms were insistent.

“There’s still…I’m still worried about something,” Farrah murmured, only loosening her grip around Aja’s waist to look up at her. Aja was about to hiss at her and ask what the hell the matter was now, but Farrah continued on, her voice a little nervous. “Uni is going to be…well, people have done so much. And I’ve not even…done anything. With anyone.”

Aja’s mouth suddenly went completely dry as Farrah locked eyes with her. Why was she choosing this moment to make eye contact? Aja wanted to look away but Farrah’s face was so beautiful, stripped of all makeup and glowing in the white strip of light that shone through the window.

“Well, that’s okay, that’s what uni is about. You go and you do things with people there,” Aja somehow spoke, sure that the nerves that were currently racking her whole body were evident in her voice. Farrah shook her head dismissively.

“No Aja, you don’t get it. I’ve never even kissed anyone,” she whispered, her own voice a little shaky. Aja felt the blood drain completely from her face. She didn’t want to make any assumptions, but the conversation seemed to be leading just one way and she was suddenly fearful of any of the other girls in the room being awake.

“Oh,” was all she could manage, as Farrah’s face seemed to be around ten times nearer to her own than before. Aja’s mind was working all too fast right now. Of course the girls had talked about what they’d done before, but now that Aja thought about it, Farrah had never really joined in completely, or anything she had said had been very non-committal. Farrah paused a little, as if she was hesitating, then carried on.

“You’ve kissed people before, right?” she questioned. Aja could have imagined it, but she thought she saw Farrah’s eyes dart to her lips and back again.

“Yeah,” Aja mustered a reply, her mouth drier than ever, seemingly unable to give replies that extended outwith a one-word limit. It wasn’t a lie; she’d had average encounters with a couple of the boys in her year, none of which she’d deigned good enough to repeat. Maybe this was all this was, just a simple conversation, just two friends opening up to each other, just classic sleepover chat.

“Could you show me?” Farrah asked almost inaudibly, looking up at Aja under her lashes. Aja almost choked.

“Um. What?”

“I don’t want to go to uni without having ever kissed someone. So like…can we?” Farrah asked again, a little more confident, her face now tilted up to meet Aja’s somewhat expectantly. Aja felt like her insides were about to drop out of her. Farrah was asking her to kiss her, and it wasn’t a joke. Or maybe it was. Maybe the girls were all in on it, and Valentina was just waiting on the edge of the bed with the video recording. But in the silence of the room, all Aja could hear was three sets of heavy breathing. Darting her eyes back to meet Farrah’s she realised she still hadn’t given her an answer, so Aja responded by tilting her head and gently pressing their lips together. Farrah’s lips were soft, and she tasted a little of peppermint toothpaste, and the pyjamas she was wearing smelt of fresh linen, and Aja found herself holding her tightly because holy fuck, this was actually happening. She could barely believe that this was Farrah’s first time as she seemed completely in control, lightly tugging at Aja’s bottom lip with her teeth at one point which made her want the moment to never end.

But it did. Farrah pulled away ever so slightly, stopping only to place another smaller kiss against Aja’s lips before breaking it entirely. She had the smallest smile on her face, and even in the dark of the room Aja could tell she was blushing. Then again, Aja could feel how burning hot her own face was without even touching it.

“So was that, um. Okay?” she stammered out, feeling she had to breach the silence but immediately regretting saying something so stupid. Farrah’s demure smile suddenly switched to a smirk as she rested her head against the pillow, seemingly far more relaxed than she had been before.

“Meh. I’ve had better,” she shrugged, bursting into repressed laugher as Aja’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“You fucking liar!” Aja hissed, leaning over to Farrah’s mattress and grabbing her pillow for the express purpose of smothering her. “Oh my god. I can’t believe I fell for that shit!”

“Yeah, well. It’s a good chat up line!” Farrah laughed, trying in vain to fight her off. Letting up, and a little scared in case the others were woken by the sudden noise from the end of the bed, Aja threw the pillow behind her own head and flopped down against it.

“No-one uses the term ‘chatting up’ anymore, Farrah. It’s not 1920,” Aja joked, laughing a little at Farrah’s disgruntled reaction.

“Stop being a cunt. God, sometimes the shit you say makes me wonder why I even like you.”

As Farrah snuggled contentedly against her, Aja pulled her close and made sure she had enough duvet. What had all of this meant? She didn’t know. But somehow she didn’t need to right now. With Farrah holding her the way she was, Aja had the feeling that maybe everything was going to turn out okay.

The knot in her stomach loosened, and she went to sleep happy.

[inkwellco]

FOCUS ON... SIMONE SAULT

Australian Simone Sault, star of stage and screen, has taken time out on her return home to Australia to chat with us.

Hi Simone, how’s your visit home been? Beautiful thank you. It’s always glorious coming back and seeing my family and friends here in Australia. Plus the sunshine is what I bottle up and take back to the UK, especially this time of year!

You’ve had quite a career. Can you tell us a bit about your earlier life, both in what drove you to choose dance, and the training you completed? I studied classical ballet from the age of 7yrs at the National Theatre Ballet School. I was blessed to have been taught by wonderful artists and teachers, including the late Kathy Gorham, Gailene Stock, Eileen Tasker,  Jonathan Kelly, Joanne Michel, Terese Power, all incredible dancers with Australian Ballet at the time. I trained daily and after leaving school at 14yrs old (I know!) I studied dance, still at the National, full time for 3 years before entering the professional world. As clichéd as it sounds, I don't recall a time where I didn’t want to dance. It just clicked, even at 7yrs old, it felt like breathing.

And you worked quite a bit in Australia with the Sydney Dance Company, what was that like, and how did that help set the foundation for working overseas? I adored my time with Sydney Dance Company (SDC). I had come from the Australian production of Phantom Of The Opera, back into the dance world (what I had trained for) and I was so consumed by my work, tours, and opportunities that I soaked it up daily for the 7 yrs I was there. My work with SDC was unique in the fact that, under the direction of Graeme Murphy and Janet Vernon at the time, it was a classically based contemporary Company, but with a strong emphasis on the actor/character /personality side of each member. Graeme is wonderful at extracting from you what only YOU can bring to a piece/role with the movement almost seeming secondary. I have always loved the storytelling side to a role. With this in mind, my experience with the Company aided me to continue to pursue my career overseas as I just didn’t have an agenda, I literally landed here in the UK and made a promise to myself, to say yes to any and all opportunities that came my way. Ones that assisted me in furthering my development as an artist…dancer, actor, collaborater, creative. A pact that, thus far, has held me in good stead. -Touch wood-

How do the two compare? Working in Australia versus working overseas? It’s really hard to compare the two I feel. Something I have always said is, I believe the training in Australia is second to none. However the opportunities are not always there, or indeed as plentiful as they are here in London and New York for example. Hence why I feel very lucky to have the best of both worlds, be an Aussie and take the rest of the world for everything it’s got! London has been so very good to me. There’s not a day that passes where I don't feel humbled, and above all grateful for the jobs and in particular the talent that I work with and for.

You’ve been involved in some major productions, including Phantom of the Opera, Chicago, Sinatra and On The Town, productions one can only hope to be involved in. How do you go about preparing for roles, and how do you approach each audition? Auditions are never easy, nor that enjoyable if I'm going to be honest! Why do we do it to ourselves?! It’s taken me a while to figure it out, but I do honestly believe that if the job/role is meant to come your way, it will, good audition or not. The best advice, the only advice actually is, BE yourself. Prepare of course, but just trust in what will be will be. I find that takes a lot of the stress out it. And what has always been the case for me is, if I have missed out on something I really wanted, something else from left field always shows up and I think, “thank God I didn’t get so and so because NOW I’m doing this!”

You’re also quite an accomplished choreographer, with credits including: Love Never Dies, Strictly Come Dancing and the London Olympic Games ceremonies, what a diverse range of opportunities, what were some of the standout moments from each? Oh wow, yes, I feel very lucky to be working for Graeme and Janet once again (original Choreographers of Love Never Dies) and working for someone like Danny Boyle for the London 2012 Games was rather surreal I must say. Opening Ceremony with the World watching was as good as it gets I think! That is definitely a highlight, he was/is extraordinary. I love working creatively as it continues to open my eyes to a craft that I have been involved in for a long time now, yet at times, depending on what I’m working on and who with, I feel like the student all over again… keeps you fresh!

We’ve also seen you venture on to screen, both TV and Film. Can you tell us a bit about your work on Alice in Wonderland, particularly working with Director Tim Burton, whom you’ve previously worked with on Sweeney Todd? Other credits of yours include work on Rob Marshall’s Nine, Kath and Kimderella and the TV show Galavant. That’s quite a range of diverse productions, how did you prepare for these varying roles? Tim Burton is exactly how you think he would be, brilliantly colourful and a real visionary. A gorgeous woman by the name of Francesca Jaynes choreographs nearly all of his movies, we worked very closely with her as well. With Kath and Kimderella, I had just finished working with the incredibly talented Gina Riley on the Australian production of Chicago when she offered me the role of an Hispanic lesbian that flirts with Magda Zubanski’s character, Sharon Strzelecki… as you do! It was short and sweet but I had an absolute blast. My opportunity to work with Rob Marshall on laying down the rehearsal track “Take It All” for his Nine was another surreal moment, recording it with the legend that is Maury Yeston. Rob Marshall was genuine, honest and very normal, which is always a good thing! Can you tell us how you balance work, and your other amazing role in life, being a mother? Arrr, my [not so] little Luca! He’s everything to me! He has just turned 4 and is incredible in every sense of the word. I was pregnant with Luca right through my time working on London 2012 Olympic Games. By the time we wrapped the Ceremonies I was 8 and a half months pregnant! There would be times where I was still out on the field of play rehearsing until way after 1am of a day, and he’d be kicking and hiccupping away like a trooper. The travel and nomadic lifestyle is all he has ever known, so fortunately for me he is a dream when it comes to travel and new places/work spaces. I worked in Russia for 3 months when he was around 9 months old and there has been a lot of further travel and new environments since then. Luckily he loves the theatre, rehearsal space and music, so, so far so good. I literally feel like I strap him to my back and off we go! Having said that though, he started school in September last year, so this requires a tad more planning and organising around work and travel, but fortunately I have a wonderful friend/ Nanny situation so it works beautifully. We’re about to see you in one of the most highly anticipated films of the year, Beauty and the Beast (BATB). And whilst we know you can’t give too much away, can you tell us what it was like working on set? A little bit about your role and what scenes you were involved in? On Beauty I worked with the choreographer, Anthony Van Laast, and Director Bill Condon. Working on set for over 4 months was a magical experience. We recorded the soundtrack also, so can not wait for it to release! In the early days, Anthony set us a task of filling in our back stories for our characters which then in turn added to our connection with Belle and within the village where we lived. Gaston’s Tavern (with the delicious Luke Evans as Gaston) was a wonderful scene for us all. I have a lovely moment with him…but that’s if it doesn't end up on the cutting room floor!

What was it like working with Director Bill Condon? Bill Condon is a complete class act. Knew our names from day one and just a wonderfully genuine, talented man. So much so, that during the filming of Beauty, I lost my beloved Mum, and had to subsequently leave 2 days early. After shooting wrapped, a few weeks later I received a gorgeous email from him expressing his sadness and thoughts and love. I remember how ecstatic my Mum was when she found out that I got the job, so it goes without saying Beauty is for her. Having worked on stage with a variety of performers from different countries, can you tell us a bit about working with actors and dancers from around the world on the set of BATB? It really is a case of no matter where you're from and /or what gender, there is an unmistakable bond and kinship with the people you work with. And in this case especially with Beauty. The experience and careers of so, so many are hard to fathom. I arrived on set each day so very humbled, privileged and grateful for the day that lay ahead. You knew right from day one that this was/is a very, very special moment in cinematic history.

And from what we’ve seen on social media, what was the experience like bringing the iconic music to life through dance for the big screen? Pure Joy! Anthony and Bill worked so closely together and seemed on the same page, with the same vision…which isn't always the case! The movement and staging happened so naturally, in the tavern scene especially Anthony has created a robust, energetic joyous scene. We all had a ball! Is there anything you can tell us about the film or perhaps one of your favourite moments on set? All of it really, but Gaston’s Tavern is probably my favourite! If you could describe the film in three words, what would they be? 1. Life changing (I know that’s two) 2. Humbling. 3. Magical! What advice do you have for any aspiring performers/creatives? If you want it, go get it. It’s not written anywhere in this world that you can’t have or achieve what your heart desires. Be persistent, be focused, work your butt off, stay disciplined and be nice to everyone, whether they be directors, creatives, behind the scenes, teachers, dressers, anyone and everyone. We all breathe the same air and you are only as good as your last job!  

And finally, what can we expect from you next? Involved in a show I have worked on creatively and its tour to America this year! Any excuse to head back to NY.

Thank you so much for your time Simone. We can’t wait to see you on stage, TV and on screen in 2017! Thank YOU lovely Katerina for your time and bravo. Images courtesy of Simone Sault Instagram

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hope you're having a lovely Wednesday! Since I'll be turning 31 the following week and I'm thankful for your presence, I decided to give EVERY attendee a free zine from my stash! Itll be at @thelitexhibit, friday 8-10 pm. if you make a purchase of $15 or more, you get a free book too! I wanna share my good fortune with you hehe. I'm gonna try to read as much as I can to give you a variety to choose from. if you're coming, don't forget to go to the link in my bio which is the fb event page. then register at the link within that page. Thanks, I'll see you soon! video descriptions: first is of me revealing the front cover of each book, one at a time. Some titles include Lovers & Other Strangers: One Picture. A Thousand Stories, Same Difference by Derek Kirk Kim, Diagram Vol. 1 edited by Ander Monson, unfinished stories finished by lily hoang, & objects of affection by Krishna Udayasankar. 2nd is a video showing the front cover of each zine, one at a time. Some titles include Koreangry, Strange Pop: Fried Head Photo Zine vol. 1 by takashi shimizu, sharpen by rich ives, a wave has hit again by margot terc, the tragic tale of buttitches by gnat m., and imaginary homework bt theo ellsworth. there also some prints, postcards, and a bookmark. third shows a red background & a whole fortune cookie. It’s a video of another drawn beige fortune cookie in the forefront being opened to reveal a fortune cookie slip that says in blue gray font: “THE LIT EXHIBIT: RITUALS P R E S E N T S Fortune Cookie Reading” And slowly appearing on the left piece of the cookie is a location marker icon and a icon which has “Temporary Storage” in a sign and beneath it the words “At Brooklyn Fire Proof”. The right cookie piece’s words also reveals saying: “FRIDAY JUNE 14 8 PM - 10 PM” beneath there are cookie crumbs with the following fortune cookie beige names appearing and scattered: “Joelle Eliza Angela Law Yuri Chris Exantus Erin Kim Momo Manalang Petra Magno Dena Igusti Amanda Levie Maria Rubio Ahnnie Emily Mun Melissa Reburiano Olivia Luisa Mardwig” in the upper right corner is a white banner that lowers and says in blue gray and then red font: “C U R A T E D B Y Eileen Ramos" (at Temporary Storage) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByoI7Knh8Jt/?igshid=jzdyy4vetzql