#and Venat's the only one she actually listens to

[birues]

I love Pandaemonium raids but after a while I'm pretty sure Tuana told Themis and Erich she's actually come from another realm bc it was so very obvious she wasn't a familiar

[elizabethrobertajones]

How did they feel about the Endless?

While I, Lizbob, was wracked with existential torment about the whole thing, Frog was like "Oh, they're just complicated ghosts. We've dealt with ghosts before, I know what to do!" ... which was also pretty much how she handled Elpis as well, treating Venat like the only alive person she talked to the whole time because no one else had any forward agency on the story (SHE THOUGHT - Ultima Thule with the steel chair etc).

Actually, I think UT hit Frog harder than me, and Living Memory hit me way harder than Frog. It was very strange sobbing my eyes out over something while knowing Frog was way more likely to be concerned entirely with her friends and the ongoing pressures of the plot. I wanted to loiter for ages in the zones before they got deleted and she was just "End of the world imminent, gotta moooove".

So, that said. I think she immediately rationalised pretty much all of the Endless as ghosts, and only had a bit of uncertainty over Otis because she couldn't quite tell from his telling of it if he was his whole soul in a robot suit or if he was also a stripped down and re-uploaded blank soul. Of course the way to deal with ghosts is to treat them like the living and respect their wishes and listen to them, but always with the thought of "how can I help you in the long run to not be like this any more, but to move you on back into the Lifestream and get things going normally again?"

She's encountered more than enough times things which should not have souls in the most technical sense which did end up seeming to live so fully or to show so much spark it was hard to deny they felt real - from her Anima doll from the HW relic quests (still travelling with her on all the MSQ!) to meeting the Twelve and learning they were extremely juiced up constructs of memory. The thing that made her pause most was comparing the Endless to Amaurot!Hyth, who had a little sparkle based on Emet Selch's creation putting too much into it, and he felt far more real than any of the other shades. But he was still a recreation.

Once she knew they were blank souls with a memory pasted over, it felt SO wrong because the first soul could have been anyone, and the memories over the top were a copy adding the personality layer. Even if they were wholly authentic to the person whose memories they'd once been because a whole soul was powering a complete set of memories, they were still just ghosts which weren't the contiguous version of their old selves; the older ghosts like Krile's parents had probably had their souls burned out long ago, and who knew where the ball of energy that had once been Cahcuia was now? Was she in Zoraal Ja when we fought him?

So all Frog's time with the Scions and other travels had given her a rather detached scientific thought process about the Endless themselves. It was all for her friends and their response to the Endless that she felt pained, because it was real enough to show them how their loved ones would be in that situation, and to even get emotional closure for the living and answers from their memories. But she wasn't even sure that when the Endless were deleted, their true souls in the Aetherial Sea, if they had made it, would even know they had that closure. And she couldn't even say anything like that because it would be entirely heartless to deny that it was real in a way that mattered to those who had known them. Wuk Lamat DESERVED to feel she'd said goodbye to Namikka properly, you know? And that's entirely depending on if the souls used in regulators were actually released to the Aetherial Sea on death and that was where the entropy was coming from, and not destroyed in the process. In which case there was even less hope of any of this having meant anything more than something the living could cling onto.

I think in the end it was just a horrible ache in her heart, but mostly for the living, and a sense of needing to end this whole process :(

The weirdest thing to her was making people forget the dead, and even denying them being able to visit and hang out. If the living could take weekend trips to the Great Funfair In The Sky and have the grandkids play with great gammy as she was as a fellow 6 year old that would utterly blow up the concept of generational family in such a fun way and she thought it would be MORE of a balm to the living, having seen how her friends reacted to their ghost family, that anyone should go visit them and know that death wasn't the end and their loved one had merely gone onto a new stage of life. She wouldn't have agreed with it ethically but as a culture living with such a technology it would have made sense emotionally and been MUCH harder for her to think about tearing it all down with no hesitation, because it would have at least been emotionally sustainable even if it wasn't energy sustainable. The utter cloistering of the dead and the refusal to let the living have grief was what did it for her. She did the side quests in Heritage Found, she saw immediately how fucked up the people were without memories of their loved ones and how much it had damaged them. The regular people were all suffering in such a profound way. She was feeling on a crusade for the living before they set foot in there.

(Meanwhile, Lizzy, watching Erenville get called Fussy Little Bun Bun: WAAAAH AHOO HOO HOO BLURRRRR HOO HOO)

[ishgard]

iris & zinnia for the botanical prompts!

[from @/icehearts, and sorry for the angst lmao]

Oh that's fine I love angst thank you so much >3 Answering for Ahru and I'll put them under a cut because 1. length and 2. spoilers! All the way through EW.

iris :   if your muse could convey one last message to someone they have lost or left behind ,   what would it be ?  

~Snippets from Letters to the Lifestream~

To Venat: I feel like you know everything already, but if I don't say it I think it'll fester in my lungs. I hated you. Resented you, feared you. I didn't understand you at all. Not until it was too late. I'm so sorry. Thank you for never holding it against me. Thank you for loving me and believing in me. I love you too, so, so much.

To Wilred: I don't know if it means much, but I am so, so proud of you. You may not realize it but you gave me hope and inspiration - to be a better person, too. (there are smudges here, and the lines are scribbled in a more shaky hand) I wish you could see Ala Mhigo now, free and thriving. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you.

To Haurchefant: It's been so long, since I would walk into your quarters and unravel my trials and tales to you. My quill faltered over the paper for so long, remembering how easy it used to be. I never had to pretend, never had to be more than exactly who I was. Thank you. For that, and everything else you gave me. A home, a family, a life. You know, it's not an easy thing, to live after someone dies for you. It's actually really, really hard. But you always believed in me, didn't you? Thank you for that, too. Also, just one more thing. I wish I'd said it then, but I was too foolish to figure it out. I love you. I love you. I love you.

To Emet-Selch: I imagine writing you like this is just going to annoy you. But if anyone actually found these letters it'd be you, I'm sure. Are you having a good rest? The birds are singing, children play, and the star continues to thrive. But what I really want to say is that I miss you. In ways my 'feeble mind' can't fathom but my soul feels keenly. I look forward to meeting you again one day, and annoying you in the next life too.

To Zenos: You godsdamned fool. Why couldn't you listen for once? If you come back again I... Well, I won't kill you again, but I'll do you one worse. I'll make you live. Really live. Oh, you're going to hate it. You're going to love it. (at the bottom of the page, written small) You will come back, won't you?

(on the back of the page, scribbled at a slant in a faster, angry scrawl) You saved me. I hate that you did. But it makes sense that you did, in our special way. I know only you would truly understand it. But here's the thing you won't understand: I love you for it.

zinnia :   how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ?   has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?

Ho boy. I'm gonna break this down per character (a few, not all). Gonna put the rest under a cut!

Haurchefant: Bad. To summarize, her mindset basically became "I have to keep going for him, I have to keep going for everyone who is still alive, I have to be everywhere, always, and not ever, ever let this happen again, I can't let anyone else die for me." This was a mindset already seeded by the attack on the Waking Sands and the Bloody Banquet, but really took vicious root with Haurchefant's death. She ran herself ragged until basically post-Stormblood.

I want to say she did gain good things from it too in the long run but that's more her own healing done over a long period of time. She did also realize after he died that she loved him (big oofies), which would be the seed that gradually opened her heart and steadied her spirit in the long run (though also reliant on A Lot of Other Stuff).

Zenos: As far as growth-through-others goes, I feel like Hau and Zenos are two sides of the same coin for Ahru. The two little consciences on her shoulders. Wounds Haurchefant left in her spirit Zenos carved on her flesh to bleed out. I wrote this thing post-SB that I think gives at least some impression:

A kindred beast wrapped in war and bitter despair. A cutting pain that leaves her gasping, bleeding - alive. Human. She remembers in the struggle what it feels like to drown, to barely stay afloat, and then, against all odds, to survive. It is the bricks and mortar of who she is, reconstructed in a terrible dance for the heavens to gaze upon. As her teeth bite down on supple flesh, and blood spills down her throat, she is once more the victor. Once more, alone. 

So yeah, Zenos was absolutely her mirror, and losing him (both times) hit terribly hard despite all the damage he did. But she also realized exactly what made them different; all of the love and companionship she had in her life, deep roots that made the whole world her beloved home.

She also greatly embraced the idea of 'being a monster', at first in a kind of rabid way, on the heels of that mindset mentioned in the Haurchefant section, though gradually more in the sense of 'being a monster isn't such a bad thing': She's powerful and strong and can protect her friends.

Venat: Ahru had so many suspicions about Hydaelyn for so long, and then to have them sorta-kinda 'confirmed' by Emet-Selch? Well, it was more complicated than just giving her the rights to be like "Aha! I knew it!" Because that truth of course came with a lot more information, that made everything a lot more complicated.

I think a lot about meeting her on the boat, how once upon a time Ahru would have chosen the option about 'no longer being able to trust Hydaelyn' - because she never really did. But instead, by this point, she felt so much more compelled and asked 'why show yourself now?' Ahru has always been deeply curious (almost not even a strong enough word) about the Ascians and what drives them, about Zodiark and Hydaelyn.

So then to meet her, to share her stories, to learn the truth behind her blessings, changed everything for her. To learn how similar they were, how deep their connections ran. To learn that this Goddess has been standing firm, waiting for her, just. How soul-shaking it was. She had such little faith in Hydaelyn, and Hydaelyn had so much in her.

There's a lot of other complicated feelings between Ahru and her mother, Ahnia, when compared to the sort of warmth and acceptance she realized Venat gave her. Basically, in the course of Endwalker, she gained a sort-of-mother figure who was then taken away from her and it's a really complicated sort of grief she's dealing with there. It isn't, however as debilitating or damaging a grief as some others, for the most part. Rather, she feels more strong and resolute, renewed of purpose.

There's a common theme in a lot of Ahru's loss, of realizing too late what should have been cherished. And that isn't always her fault, either! she's had to realize. But if there's one thing it's all taught her it's to really hold those she loves close, to keep an open heart, and cherish every encounter.

[watanabes-cum-dump]

Hello please perceive my Azem OC

Okay thabk ye for looking at her I will now ramble abt her under the cut

So Lucifer's whole deal is that she inspired Emet Selch a lot as his senior. Like, his theatrical nature largely comes from her and so did quite a lot of his ideals. That is to say, we should be glad that Lucifer didn't survive the sundering bc uh... that would have been messy. I mean she'd be super unpredictable and she just generally has very off-putting vibes.

She's Emet Selch and Hythlodaeus' senior- not by a lot but enough that she still kind of sees them as kids/younger siblings lmao. She always used to kind of baby them... much to Emet Selch's chagrin lmao.

Anyways ON our dearest Emet Selch-

He puts her on an unrealistically high pedestal to kinda parallel how everyone holds impossibly high standards for WoL. See, the thing is, he probably shouldn't have put her up on such a high pedestal because she's highkey a sociopath. Yeah uh, he knows and elects to ignore it. Emet and Hyth both think they can fix her and yk what good for them but they look like a fuckin construction crew lol.

I'm only slightly exaggerating when I say that Emet got all of his problems from her. Like A LOT of his Solus persona comes from Lucifer. Like it's not healthy at all lmao. He is imitating her as a (fucked up) form of love and also to remember her. His love for theatrics and the arts? Lucifer. Fat fucking liar? Lucifer. Sadism? Lucifer. General apathy and/or detachment? LUCIFER. Seriously the degree to which he looks up to her you would think she was a SAINT. Something something, when someone dies you only try to remember the good things about them.

As for Hythlodaeus, at least he's aware that something is wrong with her and actually wants to help her. Emet kind of just bought into the persona she put up and while Hyth did to an extent as well, he tries to dig deeper.

Hyth has actually seen Lucifer be vulnerable, but only sort of. Honestly, Hyth is the therapist friend oftentimes to his own detriment. He gives that vibe to me. And about Lucifer being vulnerable; it's not exactly her unloading her sad baggage (bc you best believe she has it) but it's more of her being a little more honest about the fact that she just doesn't feel anyway about anything. She is very self aware about that whole thing but she also struggles with whether or not all of the stuff she says while putting up her act is genuine.

To an extent, Lucifer did genuinely care for those in her circle. She genuinely liked being around Hyth and Emet, and she genuinely respected Venat as her mother/teacher figure. It's just that she's never really honest with them, you know? Listen, Emet, Hyth, and Lucifer have been friends since they were teenagers but if you asked either of them any questions about her that go deeper than the surface you would get nothing. Lucifer on the other hand, despite her troubles with empathy and general emotions, is a little too good at recognizing what makes people tick. She is kind of a piece of shit in this regard because she will use that knowledge.

She uses this knowledge to gain favor with others, to get information, and even to preserve herself. Venat especially is really good at recognizing this and it's something they tried to work on when she took Lucifer under her wing. Key word tried bc you'd best believe when she deserted the Convocation during the Final Days she guilt tripped Emet to hell and back.

One other thing about her I want to highlight is that Venat, Hyth, and Emet are her moral compass. Not exactly in the "I love you and I will follow you" type way, but in the "oh okay you don't like it when I do this" type of way. She has no real concept of right or wrong nor cares much for the moral codes of others, she just kind of cares about how it makes her look and if it'll make her fit in.

Like, maybe she creates a concept and it's dangerous. She doesn't see a problem with it unless Hyth or Emet go "Hey girlypop, this is a little fucked up" and then she'll do a complete 180 and be like "oh haha yeah I guess it is" but she won't destroy the concept. Because why would she? A little personal project won't hurt anyone...

As you can probably tell by now, she is not the ideal person to be Azem. But of course, nobody actually knows what's going on in her noggin and by virtue of being very likable and appearing to enjoy helping other people (it's really just her trying to copy normal human behavior) to the average outsider. Does the Convocation think she's messed up? Yeah, they're not blind- but they think she's just depressed/despondent or something not that she's a high-functioning sociopath.

Now, given all of the above information, we should all be happy it was Emet Selch who survived the Sundering because Lucifer would be much worse. I think out of their little trio, Emet was actually the most merciful outcome because I also think Hyth has the capacity to be a terrifying villain. Dude just think about it; you could either have the sociopath, the one that attaches his entire identity to his friends (who would be dead in this scenario so where does that leave him) or the guys who's just a little grumpy. Shockingly enough, Emet is the most well adjusted one in this polycule. And that is saying a lot.

Lucifer would be worse than Emet because hey, at least Emet has something resembling a moral compass and only works to restore the status quo and get all his friends back. Lucifer? She'd do it for the hell of it. Everyone guiding her morals is fucking gone, what is she going to do? Without them, she has no idea what qualifies as right and wrong anymore. No she doesn't care about restoring the star or whatever she just wants her ego to be fed again. So she'll sort of go along with whatever the hell the Ascians are doing.

Anyways yeah that concludes this essay. In my next one I will go over her parallels with my WoL.

[catsidhesilvie]

~Fleeting Moment~

Decided to do post-processing on this one bc I wanted to stomp her little heart into the dirt :)

Here's the closeup without the glow bc I spent too long reconstructing her eye bc of whatever tf it is that happens to face 4 miqo eyes when you look at them from any angle other than straight-on. Also had to fix clipping from her silly hat and his arm fabric:

Side note, I really need to look into how to make my screenshots higher quality. I need to play with my graphics settings but remember to lower them back down before raid ahaha.

I mayyyy go back in and actually paint over this for prettier lighting/details with a real tablet pen and not just my mouse ahaha. We'll see.

Lore/story stuff:

Wyra is demi/bi but never allows herself to get into a relationship (despite being an avid supporter of her friends pairing up/being a romance-reader in her own right) because she is too focused on being the WOL. She doesn't want to place a target on anyone's back. Luckily, she can get by with just a few crushes she has to stomp down since she is never attracted to anyone until they've been friends.

Wyra's Azem, Iris, was also ace, but was in an unspoken LDR/non-exclusive relationship with Themis. They were similar in age (Iris very slightly older), and both had been child prodigies with magic who grew in their roles on the Convocation. They had become friends before, when Iris was still Venat's protégé. When Iris was promoted to Azem, they were attached at the hip when duty allowed, and otherwise kept contact while Azem traveled or Elidibus was too busy with his own duties. The only reason they didn't make it official was because they were both too committed to their duties to commit to each other. Everyone else still viewed them as a couple.

Wyra is very similar to her Azem in personality, though she is more straightforward (Azem has the power of prophecy and tends to speak somewhat cryptically/be more erratic, generally), less confident, listens to others' opinions more before acting alone, and is a bit less stubborn; she does retain her predecessor's habit of leaping to self-sacrifice over the idea that anyone else dare risk themselves.

When Wyra goes back to Pandaemonium, she is slammed with the soul-baggage/vague memories/emotion of Azem, most of all when meeting Themis. She immensely struggles with this instant crush, as she had hated and pitied Elidibus in her own time... and love at first sight was very much beyond her usual experience.

As they continue the Pandaemonium story, Wyra admits that the Themis of Elpis is basically a different person from future Elidibus, in the same way or even a sadder way than Emet-Selch had been, since Themis had lost part of himself to Zodiark. After this admission, she stops resisting his friendship. Still, Wyra doesn't know what to do with her misplaced Azem feelings, and Themis's overt flirtation and flattery don't help it.

Add the mild inferiority complex Wyra has with her hopes to live up to Azem's legacy, and she spends a lot of time wondering if Themis treats her this way because he is conflating the two women, because he is a creep who likes to be overly friendly with familiars, because he is trying to manipulate her, or because he does truly see her as an individual and likes her for her. She also harbors guilt that only she had the knowledge that she would one day be the one to kill him, so she keeps some walls up partly out of what she deems respect for his Elpis-self.

Finally though, after defeating Athena in the Aetherial Sea of the present, Themis/Elidibus's memory form admits that he does care for HER. Not just as the inheritor of Azem's soul, now that he fully understood that, but as Wyra, and he points out that they are quite different despite their similarities. He expresses mild annoyance that he was fated to forget her until it was too late, though he knows that it all was worthwhile and he couldn't harbor regrets as long as it led to her saving the star. Then he gives her her first kiss before dissolving into aether :)

I think that the real past Themis's friendship and adventures with Wyra in Pandæmonium lead to him withdrawing a little from his relationship with Azem, which is ultimately broken when he becomes the heart of Zodiark despite Azem's insistence that they find another way. She is deeply offended by the idea of sacrificing so many -- especially him -- and is certain there is another option. Azem is off trying to save the world by herself when she dies in the first final days, and no one knows since she refuses to summon friends to a fight she views as unwinnable. That's why she doesn't respond later to invitations to summon Hydaelyn.

After the Pandaemonium story, Wyra is left in a bit of a funk because, while Themis's words helped her to move on a bit from her constant self-comparison to Azem, she obviously was left in an odd place of mourning yet another enemy-turned-friend -- but this time with tragic romance stirred in.

She does move on, though, and I think she may be more open to romance in the future since her soul has finally gained some closure.

[airasilver]

AU:

The twins have bodyguards. They have a whole company for each of them. They're Skywalkers/Kenobis/Tanos. They're as bad as their uncle/dad/aunt and need watching every single minute.

Ghost company follows Leia, Luke has Torrent but when it gets to much, they switch. Heck, the Bad Batch sometimes takes watch...If Hunter's feeling nice.

Hell, give the Padawans their battalions. Give the masters and knights their battalions. No Jedi is ever left alone. The Guard gets the Temple Guards. Fox has them all (GAR included) on a rotation within two minutes. The crechemasters are relaxing because the creche is full and the younglings are full of joy because of the new playmates.

The Alphas track down the wondering masters and refuse to leave. They are also dragged back to the main temple, they opened more because of the Vode, and given comms to "call in at least once every two months. We don't need more Jedi pretending they're dead."

Alpha 17 is the only one who sticks around the main temple. Mostly to bully Obi-Wan since Cody is wrapped around Leia's finger. At first 17 scoffs at Cody and Rex and etc for letting nat-born kids bully them until he meets Reva and Grogu. Then he gets laughed at since at least the others only have one youngling to watch out for.

The Jedi are just wondering what's going on. Anakin is pouting, Padme still died even getting actual care (a left over from Palpatine before he was taken out by Fox and a living Fives.), because Rex is ignoring him. No, Rex is not ignoring you, he's just busy keeping Luke from becoming too devilish with an angel's smile. Leia's already a lost cause but at least she listens to Cody... sometimes.

Ahsoka and Barriss are watched by Appo (Ahsoka actually told Rex to take Luke, she be fine with Jesse but Appo decided to take her since Jesse and Hardcase got Anakin. For now. Fives gets Anakin when he reveals himself. Then Jesse went to help back to Ahsoka.) (Kix technically has custody of all of them. Well him and Stiches, the 212th's main medic.) and Maker, Gree's SIC when Ahsoka came back. Neither are allowed anywhere near any dark siders for a long time. Actually they aren't allowed out of the temple unless it's a diplomatic mission. With their master/grandmaster only.

Anakin's pouting (to get back to him) so Fives decides he's taking Anakin out to find himself (blow something up, free slaves, etc) while the twins are placed in the creche for a month or so to give Ghost and Torrent some rest. Now granted it was only supposed to Fives, Jesse, Hardcase, and Kix (they needed a medic and Kix overheard and said he was coming.) BUT Obi-Wan felt Anakin's happiness and confronted him about it and then decided he's going along. Which meant Wooley was going, which meant Longshot told Boil, who told Waxer, who told Cody, who told Rex, who decided he was going also.

Cody sighed and ordered Ghost and Torrent to suit up. They were all going since they're Generals WILL get in trouble and yes, Ahsoka, you may come. Heck, let's just let anyone who wants to come, come. So all of the knights and half the masters end up going. They were going to take only one Venator Destroyer but with so many coming they ended up taking about half the fleet.

Before anyone asks the Vode own the ships and have them in storage. So they say. In actuality the Venator Destroyers are stripped of all indentible features on the outside and are used to clear out the main temple. The main temple which is now just gone. Surprising Coruscant who doesn't know what happened (when the last of their people were on the Destroyers, the temple vanished. It showed up again when they decided on the main planet for the Jedi.

So while the twins and younger Padawans, that aren't 15/16, are watched over by the crechemasters and the Vode that stayed behind, the rest that wanted to go on a spree freeing slaves and just going back to being Jedi. It relaxes everyone and while the Vode still follow and protect their Jedi, they do let them out and about without them... sometimes. (Feemor and Rael are the only ones in the lineage that can and do leave without an escort. No one else in the lineage can claim that. Though even they sometimes need to be watched.)

Yes, the twins see Padme's family but they're closer to their aliit. They try but since they're both force sensitive, and not hiding it for years, the twins can tell that it hurts the Naberrie's to see them (Leia might look like Padme but Luke has her compassion and both have even more traits of Padme) so it's just...easier to only see them once a year and then every couple years. Even Anakin isn't well received since the Naberrie's blame Anakin for Padme's death (Anakin blames himself for the longest time until his therapist finally gets through to him. It was a combination.) even though it was proven to be Palpatine...it's just easier to stay with the aliit.

This started with me just wanting to give Luke and Leia their aliit and dang, I went a lot more than I thought I would. Oh well.

[jadehorror]

spoilers for me yelling about people who dont understand what happened in endwalker

SO MANY PEOPLE ARE LIKE VENAT COMMITTED GENOCIDE! SHELL NEVER BE IN THE RIGHT HOW DARE SHE!

AS IF VENAT DIDNT HAVE TO BEAR THE RESPONSIBILITY OF HER CHOICE FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS!

ALSO GENOCIDE? THE ANCIENTS LITERALLY KILLED HALF THE POPULATION FOR ZODIARK. THEN ANOTHER HALF. AND THEN WERE PREPARING TO SACRIFICE THE *NEW* SOULS TO HIM TOO!! THATS A LOT CLOSER TO GENOCIDE THAT SPLITTING UP WHAT REMAINED INTO 14 PIECES!!

~WELL THEY WERE PLANNING TO BRING THE PEOPLE BACK~ YEAH? FUCKING HOW? KILLING MORE THINGS??? 

AND NO MATTER HER CHOICE SHE CHOSE THE OPTION SHE KNEW WOULD HELP PREVENT THE FINAL DAYS FOR NOT ONLY AS LONG AS SHE COULD, BUT GAVE EVERYONE IN THE FUTURE THE CHANCE TO ACTUALLY FIGHT AND WIN BY DILUTING THEIR AETHER

and blah blah “the wol was complicit in the final days!! we caused the sundering!!” we didnt do SHIT. that bird still ran, still fell into despair, still wanted to kill everyone. hermes listening to her report wouldnt have stopped that!

my favorite take though was one i saw on tumblr where it was like “i dont play ff14 but i think the ancients see modern people as dogs, and thats why its upsetting “ and i- maybe you should PLAY THE GAME BEFORE HAVING OPINIONS LMAO??

the whole point of these stories is that we ARE complex, in depth people with hopes and dreams. Emet judged us unworthy because we were in a test that was rigged from the start, even if we didnt change into a lightwarden we STILL werent his friend, we werent azem. we would have NEVER been equal to the ancients in his eyes because he was so attached to his past. 

His test was something he both set up out of a blind hope to resurrect his past, but something that would never happen because as much as he WANTS us to be like them, we arent. Those people are dead. Hes been trying for a thousand, thousand lifetimes to reverse it. Hes slightly insane

Also implying current races are like dogs when emet married and had kids like- okay call him a dog fucker. play the fucking game bro.

Also people bitching that the philosophy was “pushed on them” and “wrong” (lol how is a philosophy incorrect??)

The idea of a perfect world becoming ultimately boring and meaningless is... not only common, but explored in other mediums- a popular example is The Good Place!! If a flower never withers, you will become numb to its beauty. If your nose never clogs, you wont appreciate the times its clear and easy to breath.

anyways i hate everyone no one is able to think not only critically but rationally. I might not be the smartest trash bag in this garbage dump but jesus CHRIST some people are idiots

[disillusionedjudge]

Would she have fought Gabranth at the Pharos?

send me questions you have about my character!

((nope! I mean... well, okay. In her sky pirate verse, probably? only because in that verse she never had the chance to develop a relationship with him or Drace. She fled Archades before she was made a Judge, so that opportunity for her to get to know them was no longer there. She would've known of them, and they probably would've known of her, but that familiarity isn't there. So, she wouldn't have reservations on fighting him (or even Drace) if it came to it. Now, at the very least, if they had tried to sponsor her or at least took active interest in her before she left, then she might feel some guilt for fighting them, if only because they took notice when no one else did. They were willing to give her a chance, she knows that, and feels bad for turning on them in the end despite it. Still, she isn't one to easily falter from things she sets her mind to, so while she may feel some guilt, she won't back out of a fight.

however, in the verse where she joins Ashe & Co, no, she would not. Yes, Gylfie does believe she's doing the right thing by helping them and, effectively, betraying the Empire. She may not necessarily like it, but she believes it's the right thing to do for Archadia - not just for Dalmasca. She's still loyal to Archadia, and even more so to Gabranth and Drace. She understands the consequences that could follow her actions, understands that they may not be able to protect her or defend her if she were to be caught, and as much as the idea of hurting them hurts her, it's not going to deter her. But it will deter her from drawing her sword upon either of them, so she would outright refuse to fight Gabranth. She would much rather try to reason with him or try to get him to listen to her, and would honestly try to keep the others from fighting him as well. With that said, she would 100% jump to his defense the moment Cid and Venat show up, and... ngl, I think she might have to be held back from defending him when he and Reddas start fighting. I don't... know what she'd do when Gabranth attacks the rest of the party, though. I know she'd absolutely be torn between protecting them and defending him, but... I also don't know if she'd be torn enough to actually sit out a fight for once in her life, or still try to find a way to end it. Probably the latter, tbh, but I'd really need to think about it more.

[crossroadsdimension]

(”If you plan to push me down the waterfall--”

“Not when we have lives on the line!” Cross snapped back. She jumped down ahead of him as he stared after her in surprise. “If I wasn’t here to save our world, I would’ve pushed you off to lighten you up, sure, but now’s not the time!”

Hades blinked, then quickly recovered his composure and followed after her.)

Of course Meteion’s running was because her sisters had found something she didn’t want to be a part of. Of course something had to have gone horribly wrong with whatever was out in space.

And of course Hermes had to go berserk, transform in front of them, and take off and hide somewhere to listen to Meteion’s report -- something she said would break him when he heard it.

Her pleas for her to protect them settled in her ears as they ran through the research facility, trying to catch up with Hermes. It didn’t stop her from working in sync with her three companions, but....

(”I didn't take you for an archer,” Hythlodaeus remarked.

“I was trained in it when I was young,” Cross said, “but this is my Bard set, actually! I use song to bolster your attacks and mine.”

“I thought I’d noticed a brief strengthening of the aether.”

“You should have chosen something else to diversity our attacks,” Hades shot over his shoulder as he took another attack with his broadsword.

“I would have, but I don’t have the best gear for my Black Mage right now,” Cross shot back. “Between the two, I like my destructive magics more, but I keep finding things I can use with my bow.”

The comment caught Hades by surprise, and he looked over his shoulder with a raised brow.

“I know how to use a little of everything, but give me the chance to blow something up and I’ll do it!”

Hades rolled his eyes, doing his best to hide his shock. “Ah, yes; there’s the Azem I know.”)

And then Hermes caught them in a trap at the top of his research facility, as Meteion succumbed to despair and transformed with Dynamis, as she said she was going to bring them to oblivion because that was the only way to bring happiness, because her sisters only found dead and dying planets.

And...he gave in. Cross could see them -- the seeds of what would become the crazed Fandaniel, the suicidal Amon, had been sewn. He decided that, because the ancients destroyed what they thought were anomalies, they should let the universe -- let Meteion -- decide if man should be allowed to live.

And to even the scales, he would use the magick of his facility to make them forget that a judgement was being passed. That Meteion was bringing the Final Days to them.

Hades, Hythlodaeus, and Venat worked together to get Cross out before the magick could take effect, at the sacrifice of Hades’ and Hythlo’s own memories of their time together those last few days. They tried to catch Meteion as she fled, but the little bird girl was too fast to be grounded.

...as much as Cross wanted them to remember, to know her, she knew this had to happen. This had to play out, for her future to be secure in the way that it was.

Emet-Selch telling her to not let their legacy go to waste...she could see him saying Remember Us again in her mind.

Venat quickly showed her back to her exit point. As much as Cross wanted to smack Hermes silly for what he’d done...she couldn’t when he’d caused himself to forget. And he was already dead in the present. They had a plan now, at least, and information.

And a target.

Meteion wanted Cross to protect the world from her? She’d do exactly that.

...as soon as she could get all the Scions in one place and tell them “Hey, Elidibus sent me to the past and we need to talk to Venat.”

Garlemald was looking to be that place. Again.

Except, this time, under red skies....

[shepherd-to-the-stars]

FFxiv Write - Prompt #7 (Pawn)

“Do I have permission to use the Aitiascope? I wish to check the status of the new… development.” 

“Of course, Archon Vashai! Right this way, ma’am!” 

Despite what some might believe, she had only ever experienced one instance where she’d felt used in her life. All other times, her actions were always her own (or at least she’d thought as much), striving to always do what was necessary. Even now, she did what she believed *had* to do. Be it to take down a primal threat, something which others could do safely (the threat they posed becoming less and less common as beast tribes were befriended), or even when summoned to the First to slay the Lightwardens. She felt it was her duty, her responsibility even, to take down threats no one else could. 

But there had finally, *finally*, come a time that put this belief into question. And as she took the lift down into the Aetherial Sea, she was left alone with these very thoughts. 

The Sea wasn’t quite empty, given the new developments, but as both Archon and Scion, it seemed no one was all that prepared to halt her as she traveled deeper in. Not nearly as deep as the trip she and her fellows went on, but to a less occupied platform, sitting on the edge of it as her legs dangled. 

It was the closest she felt she could get to Elpis without actually traveling there anymore. 

And the closest she could get to the people she actually knows, and not their past selves that barely knew her in return. Which, right now, she needed more than those echoes of the past. 

“Themis,” she calls out softly, staring up at Pandaemonium, that ominous blight on the Sea, “I hope you’ve found peace in the Sea, and I see you again soon, my friend. But… I have a question.” 

Kaleh bites her lip, glancing down, deep below, to where Hydaelyn, where *Venat*, once resided, and took a deep breath. 

“How young were you, back then? How much weight was placed upon your shoulders, one which you should never have needed to bear? And…”

She looks back up to the building, to the cages. “…How much did that make you feel like you had to do what you did? To become Zodiark’s core? Did they, were you… was there ever a time, before you tore yourself free, became the first Warrior of Light… that you felt used?” 

No answer came, of course. No answer ever *could* come from asking a question to someone who was no longer here, from someone who she hoped walked amongst the people of Etheirys, living a new life of peace and happiness. But she had no one else she could think of to turn to, to ask such a question. 

And with Pandaemonium staring down at her, it felt only right. That perhaps it was one last gift, one last nudge to point her in the direction of the best person to try and speak to, even if only to speak her thoughts out loud. 

Because in truth, she knew that she had no other choice. 

Had she not acted in the immediate instance, had she not fought Zodiark at the moment Fandaniel took over as the core of the first primal, she would have eventually had to face him another time. All it would’ve done was delay the inevitable that the Ascian hoped to achieve. 

The Final Days would’ve happened, sooner or later. 

Perhaps she’d needed to come to terms with that, through speaking to another that also had so much at stake, that whether or not he did something, the events still would’ve played out, just a little differently. In that regard, she was glad to see this holding ground for dangerous experiments had found its way to the future. It gave her a reason to speak to a him that no longer exists. 

“Thank you for listening.” She answers, carefully rising to her feet. “And… I promise, for your sake, for Erichthonios, and even for Lahabrea…”

The Miqo’te slowly departs for the lift back to Labyrinthos. 

“I will make sure that you all are safe.”

[wtf-amiru]

What did they think of Hydaelyn in the beginning? Did they change their mind about her since then?

oh boy, this is one I don't think about often lol let's figure this out

A'miru's not religious, she's not against it, she's just not found anything there in the past so I think the disembodied voice was a bit of a "I'm fully losing my mind, aren't I" in the beginning, not some higher calling, until Thancred introduced her to Minfilia. Then it was a lot of...I hesitate to say trepidation, she wasn't afraid for anything, but she was hesitant to put a lot of stock into it, it seemed to be a truthful situation but it was a lot of her hard work that went into it too and that's kind of where things sat for a long time in a state of 'I can neither prove or disprove this thing but things seem to be working out for the better with it'. A'miru's a very here and now kind of person, so lets just throw her back in time for a minute. Her connection with Venat was instant, it fully gave me an explanation for her to have taken the dancer class (mechanically she took it because it's a class I like to play, but it's a very not A'miru class at all) and she was kind of an instant momly figure for her; the vibes were entirely right right from the instant she dropped in while Hyth was rambling about sharks, like two peas in a pod, instant family. One of the things A'miru has the most issues with is losing people, in any manner; she does not handle it well ever. When she got back from Elpis, after a good long cry and snuggle with her bf and a nap, she was ready to break Fourchenault's entire face just to get down there and see her again bc omg that voice has been Venat all along and holy shit she felt bad for ever doubting it and then, well, she had to say goodbye to her again and again, did not handle it well at all. Luckily she had a lot on her plate to distract her at the time. After Ultima and knowing everyone's back down in the sea hanging out she's dealing a bit better than normal. It's more important to A'miru who Hydaelyn was before she was Hydaelyn and why she became Hydaelyn, than what Hydaelyn stood for in her time to A'miru now. She's gonna get G'raha to write a book one day.

Arannis, my little fate child, is a different, more simple salad lol. He was brought up in such a flurry of cultures he kind of very quickly learned to nod along and put his faith in "whoever was listening and able to respond" for a long time so holy shit was he surprised when she started actually responding. He wasn't in a position to be picky, she was gentle and seemed kind and to harbor no ill intent so he was on board pretty quickly. He got mildly worried when she got really quiet during Stormblood, but the anomaly had been her contact with him in the first place, so her getting quiet felt like how it'd been before, which didn't bother him too much; who was he to demand time with cosmic deities anyway, she probably had a good reason. I think the revelations during Shadowbringers was just a touch beyond Arannis' comprehension tbh, I don't think he fully understood the implications until he went to Elpis and saw it himself, very much a visual learner that one, you gotta draw it out for him, not explain with words- probably why he didn't mind the echo visions tbh. When he was in Elpis Venat felt like a sibling, something Arannis never really had but kind of always wanted bc everyone around him had siblings and he was the only only child. Arannis wasn't as eager to get down and see Hydaelyn, he deals with loss a lot better and he doesn't have the anxiety driven over protectiveness that A'miru struggles with. He wasn't upset he had to fight her and see her leave. This was it, this was the culmination of her work and it was her way of finally going back to the star, he fully got that and knew she'd be fine, almost felt honored to be a part of it even. But then he knew that if she'd done it, that they'd have to do it; they'd have to succeed and boy that pressure did something to him for a minute. I think Arannis cares a bit more about what Hydaelyn was in his time to people than A'miru does, I think he thinks about the people who are or were like him growing up and just praying to someone who bears no ill intent and will listen and how important that can be to a person.

[mugichaaaa]

Bad Batch Analysis prt2

Welcome back everyone to part 2 to my Bad Batch analysis trailers. The trailer just happened to be posted around midnight and my wifi went out in the morning so I couldn’t really do much until now. Since we got another AMAZING trailer for the Bad Batch series I believe it’s time to do another analysis. If you haven’t read my first analysis from the first trailer you can read it here 

Without further ado let's get started. 

The first scene we get from the trailer is a shot after that one shot we got from the first trailer. This could probably be around the time they landed on Kamino because if you look in the top right corner there is the Havoc Marauder. 

Training Sequence

Next we see one of the many training grounds on Kamino. It’s strange seeing only one training ground and not multiple. It seems like this specific training ground might be underwater, as there is this long pole in the center with surrounding lights around it. Now that might be a reach, but honestly where could you see that training ground on the round houses above the ocean. 

Along with that in the Legends there was a Kaminoan Jedi who lived under the sea to try to prevent the vision she had. (the vision was the clone army betraying the Jedi) So it could be possible when the Kamioan’s were building the floating city they builded the bottom levels to be used as training grounds or something. 

In this scene we can see that Echo is using a vibroblade. Now is this Echo’s own vibroblade or does this belong to Hunter and Echo just picked it up to destroy one of the droids?

I feel like this shot can tell us a lot about the bad batch and how they interact with each other. Hunter and Crosshair are looking at the camera to which I can probably assume where Tarkin speaks to them. Echo lightly turns towards the direction of Tech, Hunter, and Crosshair. Tarkin probably said something that would make Echo turn to look at the three of them. 

Also Tech although very subtle looks at the ground. Now this could be two things, if Tarkin said something then it might be tech looking at the ground like a Child does when their parents scolds them. Or it might be Tech is exhausted and is looking at the destroyed droids all around him. 

Hunter is seen talking to someone (probably Omega) telling them that their squad (aka the Bad Batch) is nothing but trouble. We can see Crosshair and Tech walk to a door which I can assume to be their barracks for the time being (before they escape). 

I really like this scene from Crosshair. This seemed to show how well the Bad Batch worked together. Hunter throws his knife in the air and Crosshair goes and shoots it in place. Which might make it even more sad if Crosshair betrays the Bad Batch. Imagine this, The bad batch is in this certain situation where a duo between Crosshair and Hunter would work. Hunter turns to where Crosshair would normally be. 

“Cross lets-” 

All he sees no one, and the feeling of betrayal and pain seeps through him. 

“Right…” 

Hunter Civilian Clothing

So we see Hunter in Civilian clothes which is like. UGH please let me hold your hand Hunter. The first time we see them is at 0:31 where Hunter steals a speeder, probably to catch up to Fennec as we can see in 1:39 who has a kid. 

We get a better look at Hunter’s Civilian clothes, it really reminds me of Cut lawquane’s outfit from The Clone Wars Season 2 “The Deserters”. Maybe we might see Cut lawquane in the Bad Batch, if so I think that would be really great to see. Cut’s children with Omega might be the cutest thing we might get from Bad Batch, that’s if it happens.  

Now in this scene we see Tech piloting the ship, but if you look at the corner there is Hunter on a control panel with bandages wrapped around him. So this might be either Hunter getting injured from a mission (maybe from Fennec Shand??)

This kid (not Omega) is dangling onto a cylindrical object. The Following scene with Hunter and the kid following a speeder that belongs to Fennec Shand. 

The Final Part of the Clone Wars 

At 0:37 we see the Batchers coming down from what seems to be like a hill destroying B1 battle droids. While the next shot is Tech and Echo shooting down said droids. 

So in my previous analysis I mentioned how for one the explosions I was wondering if it was the Batchers or the Empire. Now with this new Trailer it seems to be leaning more towards the Batchers doing this. 

We see Hunter putting away his knife with Wrecker carrying what seems like to be a destroyed droid. 

Now I mentioned in my previous analysis that the snowy planet might be a Crosshair arc. But now with these new scenes with the snowy planet it might be a set up to Crosshair being something that most Bad Batch Stans don’t want. 

Crosshair as the traitor

So I know I talked about this in my last trailer analysis and I said this was very unlikely. But uhhhh now with this trailer I'm 70% sure Crosshair will betray the Bad Batch. Now the reason why I said Crosshair wouldn’t betray the Bad Batch was because the Purge trooper and Crosshair just didn’t have things that lined up. But now with this new trailer I am pretty worried for our boy Crosshair. 

This is the ONLY scene we get of Omega and Crosshair together. Any other scenes with Omega and the Bad Batch Crosshair is nowhere in sight. 

I literally called this when I wrote about my predictions about the Bad Batch series. Where I wrote two paths. One where Crosshair was not the traitor and stays with the bad batch and one if Crosshair was the traitor (I censor the right since it had my actual name since I did the bad batch analysis during school)

And 1:19 seems to likely prove my Crosshair is the traitor snippet I did. All the batchers + omega are running through what seems to be like the late night halls of Kamino. Who knew Echo would be following his brother’s footsteps. 

Again Crosshair isn’t here 

… or maybe he might be hiding him behind Hunter to give us anxiety about what happened to Crosshair. But if Crosshair is gone then they need a new sniper to fill in his role...

Omega

We are first introduced to a new character who is called “omega”.  Now who is Omega? Well we don’t know this is the first we EVER got to see them anywhere. Now when I first saw Omega I immediately thought of Satine’s Mandalore. We are not talking about the houses and clans (like house Wren). We’re talking about Satine’s Mandalorians (the pacifist) in which when we see her people in the clone wars they are normally pale with light colored eyes. Omega almost fits that but without the bright blue eyes. Another thing is that Omega kinda sounds like they have a Satine Mandalorian accent. As I was listening to Omega speak I was comparing it to Korkie and his friends and Omega lowkey sounds like Korkie’s friends but that’s probably a really big reach.

This is where I think if Crosshair betrays the Bad Batch this is where Omega would come in and take Crosshair’s role as sniper. We don’t know how good Omega is but with Hunter’s heightened sense his sight might be just as good to teach Omega to work with a bow and arrow

The Explosion

Now we have an explanation for the explosion we saw in the last trailer. It was definitely the bad batch and now we know it was part of the thrusters from a broken Venator Star Destroyer. Since now we got more context to that explosion, I believe that this will be on Bracca where maybe MAYBE we might see a young ginger Cal Kestis. 

Rex

*breaths in* 

REX I MISSED YOU SO MUCH 

I’m so happy Rex and Echo are going to a reunion. I really hope Rex and Echo have a moment where Rex completely vents to Echo about everything that happened. Like Umbara, how much Five’s death took a toll on him, and when he left Jesse and his brothers during order 66. It would be really interesting to see if Rex has some sort of survivor's guilt. I know we see a little bit in Season 7 when he’s talking to Cody about the Domino squad but after order 66 I think it would be nice to dwell onto a little more. 

Another thing I really hope we get to see how Rex meets up with Wolffe and Gregor. 

AT-ET Walker

We get a couple of scenes here of the AT-ET but here look at this. The republic symbol and the red paint is completely removed, it’s completely bare (which is so boring). Another thing is that the AT-ET are completely cutting across a group of people, these could be protestors of something that we yet not know of. 

It seems like Hunter and Tech snuck into and AT-ET, now the next scene we get is an AT-ET blowing up another AT-ET. There are two possibilities on who shot at the AT-ET, one could be the Bad Batch themselves shooting at the other AT-ET or two it could be the Empire shooting at the Bad Batch stolen AT-ET 

Saw Gerra

It’s really nice to see Saw Gerra, we have seen him in 5 star wars projects (Clone wars, Rogue one, Rebels, Jedi Fallen Order, and now Bad Batch). Since this is the beginning of the Empire we get that small time between Clone wars and Jedi: Fallen Order to see what Saw was up to. 

Fennec Shand

My wifey, I love her so much. But I did get something wrong and right with Fennec Shand in my last analysis. 

First of all the explosion we see with Fennec Shand is NOT connected to the factory arc but instead connected to Hunter saving the kid. 

But the thing I did get right was that one scene where Fennec was holding a gun out. That fog is from a fight and Fennec and her opponent are at a standstill. 

One thing new about Fennec is that she had a Kid dangling off her speeder. First of all that’s not safe at all and 2 why does Fennec have a Kid with her and then why does Hunter have the child in the next scene?

Small theory but this kid might be just like Omega that escaped. Fennec is sent out to retrieve the kid but Hunter is like “not on my watch” and takes the kid. Fennec looks shocked that Hunter interferes with her job and looks ANGY. 

Or this kid might be just some random kid that Fennec took. 

Now a recurring segment called Cool things I saw on the Trailer 

Just any scenes from the training scene with Wrecker is just cool and I’m like yes sir go off. 

I swear every scene with Wrecker is a joy to see. He just brightens my day all the time

Bad Batch are taking notes from Waxer and Boil about adopting kids during war times. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This segment was short due to most of the trailer being analyzed and not much random spread out scenes. 

And that’s that! Thank you all who read this far, I hope I was able to make this clear enough for you all to understand. If there’s anything else you saw in the Trailer that I miss I would love for you to comment about it! I think i’m going to do a countdown for Bad Batch, idk let’s see how I keep this up. 

[blucifer08]

Okay you wanna talk WoL/NPC ships?

This has some pretty heavy EW spoilers, just for warning!

One of my WoLs (I have many) is called Xihrha Kode, a mooncatte BRD who never wanted to be the WoL. She got forced into the job and by Heavensward had some pretty bad PTSD from doing the job. (Projecting? Me? Never!)

That only gets worse and worse as time goes and she's pretty much completely shutdown by the time it comes to fight Thordan. But still, people keep asking stuff of her and she keeps obliging because what is she meant to do? Say no and let people die???

No one really knows how to bring her back to herself and she's left pretty much just wandering through life, getting buffered from tragedy to tragedy.

During her trip to Elpis, Venat expresses concern for her and Xih brushes it off like she always does.

When she comes face to face with Hydaelyn, Hydaelyn calls her 'Little Spark' and she can't understand why that makes her feel warm. And then later, Hyth tells her that he'll see her soon and motions to the crystal Hydaelyn enchanted.

Which is what sparks the idea to her of going back in time... Again.

Which she does. Years and years and YEARS before Elpis, and approaches Venat. Venat, after listening to her explanation, takes her to Azem, who gives her Aether to make her at least a little less pocket sized and accepts the explanation that Xih is their familiar that THEY sent back in time to give her a peaceable retirement.

Tiny catgirl somehow, and even she's not sure how, ends up in a polycule with Hyth, Emet-Selch, Azem and Venat.

Emet-Selch calls her "Poor Little Familiar." Whenever she's complaining about something.

Hyth teaches her to submit concepts and she makes bagpipes and starts making music again (with actual instruments. The bagpipes are to annoy Emet-Selch)

She writes songs about Azems adventures, but never goes on another one herself.

And Venat is her favourite person to cuddle with at all times.

She gets to live a happy life in the past where nothing is expected of her except to not follow Emet-Selch and Azem to convocation meetings. - @littlelordalphinaud

This is so cute !!! I really love the idea of this and I'm in love with like, Xihrha finally getting to rest without expectations. The warrior of light job is difficult and it's very good that ur wol finally gets to just relax with people who love her.

Thank you so much for sharing ;_; this is very cute

[siennahrobek]

Rex hadn’t been entirely sure what all happened in between him, Feemor and Ahsoka finding Impulse and a few of the other 501st and the beginning of the evacuation. He had held onto his brothers as they woke up and cried, whispering nothings and forgiveness in their ears while the two jedi called a senator. He didn’t completely know what was happening; he just knew everything was going to change.

The captain was a bit adrift at first and everything he saw and did, it felt so surreal, like was controlling himself as a videogame rather than physically moving. He had mostly had stayed with Ahsoka and General Feemor during the launching stages of the evacuation. It had been quiet one moment, he remembered. He didn’t recall what they were doing at the time but knew it was rumbling the next, the walls shaking and dust and small pieces of debris falling and shuttering around them. Later, they all found out it was explosions that were designed to trap the attacking forces out and the surviving jedi inside.

It wasn’t long when General Shaak Ti emerged from nowhere, battered and bruised and dirtier than anyone had ever seen her, announcing orders about the evacuation. She had made a few masters leaders to help organize; the three of them had listened in; they needed to prepare and begin to move, as ships were already being sent down from General Kenobi’s ship with the 212th.

Ahsoka got herself to the front of the crowd and had told everyone, right now, her 332nd was safe as well. General Shaak Ti had looked at her for a moment with an unreadable expression (Rex thought her expressions were always unreadable) and nodded, directing Ahsoka and Feemor over to Oppo Rancisis and Coleman Kcaj to help with bringing up supplies to the hidden away venator that Ahsoka had brought with her, away from prying eyes.

Rex was separated from them after that, although on accident, when he found a young padawan struggling to drag an unconscious trooper towards the medical halls. He had immediately gone to assist and although he would never regret helping his brother – or the padawan – he nearly did regret looking inside the Halls.

There were troopers everywhere, sometimes even two or three to a cot, in sitting positions after their surgeries, holding their heads in their hands, asking questions and more often than not, crying. Impulse and his group had already been ushered out, no doubt being included into the evacuating groups that were already on their way towards a venator ship.

His chest practically closed up, seeing his brothers, brothers he knew so well, as many of them were from the 501st, trying to come to grips about what was happening. Most of the experienced healers were helping with surgeries, as they were trying to get them done as quickly but safely as they could but other aides and padawans were right next to the troopers, trying to answer questions and explaining what was happening. To keep them calm.

It was a difficult task.

They could only see the blood on their hands.

The aides and padawans often held their hands, despite many of the troopers’ fears, and no matter how bloody, muttering reassurances and forgiveness. He could feel it in the air. They held no ill will towards his brothers.

Commander Appo was sitting on his cot in the corner of one of the rooms, holding so tight to the sheets that his knuckles were just about as white as the fabric. He was staring at the floor, wide-eyed and breathing quietly but erratically. Shaking and silent tears were flooding his eyes.

Rex approached, carefully.

“She couldn’t have been any more than five years old,” he whispered in a sob.

Rex stopped in his tracks. Appo probably wasn’t talking to him particularly, but it was heartbreaking all the same. As much as the Commander was trying to pull himself together, Rex could tell he was trying, he also couldn’t even imagine how he was feeling. His chip hadn’t been activated and he could not envision trying to kill anyone under the influence of the chip. He knew who would have been closest if it had. He would have gone after Ahsoka, he knew. That was unthinkable.

Somehow, his mind went to his General. Hearing that he had led the attack from Feemor at the beginning was rather unbelievable. Hearing what Skywalker did before the attack from Impulse didn’t seem real. But seeing this, the near entirely of the Jedi’s healing halls filled with wounded jedi and clones, brainwashed brothers, he knew. Before, with Feemor and Impulse his brain knew but his heart had continued with disbelief. With this, seeing this, his heart knew too.

Skywalker hadn’t just brainwashed and led them to fight against adult jedi – as wrong and horrible as that was by itself – but he led them to slaughter children. The helpless and vulnerable. He had meant for the entirety massacre of the Temple. A place which was rather full of non-warriors, of retired elders, of younglings, of the sick and injured, of healers, of children and kids and babies.

The youngest baby at the Temple was three months old.

He remembered Skywalker mentioning that and how the General was surprised that someone left the child on the steps during this time of war since most public opinion of the Jedi was rather poor. That their numbers were declining; people were scared.

How could she possibly warrant being killed?

How could anyone be warranted the genocide of an entire people?

Rex felt like he was about to vomit. This felt like a near worst case scenario. The 501st had already been burned by a General, but at least Krell always made it fairly clear that he didn’t actually care about them. He had called them by designated numbers, if that even, as clone was a worthy enough name for them when it came to him. He never did treat them like the other jedi generals did. Skywalker….Skywalker, he made it seem like he sometimes did, like sometimes he cared. Like their lives at least mattered, to an extent. Sure, when it came to the life of Senator Amidala, it was different, but at least, generally for the most part, in battle he didn’t throw them away like fodder. Skywalker hadn’t been great at leading large groups of men; he was better at going off of impulse, throwing rocks and figuring out how to win on the fly, but he didn’t purposefully use tactics knowing it would produce large causalities. General Kenobi was better at the larger scale tactics, figuring out the best ways to achieve victory with getting as little many men killed as he could. It just so happened that his plans were usually foiled by something…or someone who thought differently.

Captain Rex knew a of things too, he was good at strategy and tactics and planning and out of the box thinking. He was good at predicting movements and making plans that even Skywalker could use and go along with, and what to do if something different happened, if initial plans didn’t pan out. But this? This he never could have predicted. He could have never guessed.

He never thought that someone like Anakin Skywalker would lead brainwashed and unwilling slaves to murder the people the troopers cared about and the people that were supposed to be Skywalker’s family. Rex thought the Jedi were Skywalker’s family.

Rage was boiling in his chest, and he barely recognized it. He had been upset and angry before, even at Skywalker at times, but this was different. This was something harsh and strong and undeniable. Something that made his heart feel like it was going to explode. He tried to focus on something, anything, besides that feeling.

He could only watch as brothers broke down into tears after waking up, with no understanding why this was happening; why them, why the jedi, why at all.

Emotions were rolling off of him as he stood in the corner, watching and staring. What does one say to these brothers? The brothers that had what little they possessed stripped away from them from someone they cared about, someone they thought cared a little about them too?

Rex had cared about Skywalker. He liked working with him. He liked working with Commander Tano. They were good people, talking with him and even asking him his suggestions, since they knew, at least most of the time, they could trust him and his ability. He thought Skywalker valued him; not only his expertise but also him as a person.

He thought about Impulse. The boy had been mixed up in the evacuation already, probably even on a ship by this time, but the look on his face, the tone of voice, would probably stay with Rex forever.

How easily it could have been him?

Rex was the person that was nearly almost always standing right next to Skywalker. Everyone knew it. He hadn’t been a commander for the war, but he had proven himself able to generally keep up with Skywalker and well, Skywalker seemed to want him around. So, Rex was nearly always around. Always by his side. Would it have been him? If he hadn’t been on this on the mission with Ahsoka?

Would have Skywalker lashed out and took off his head without a second thought?

Would he even regret it?

It was a terrifying thought, one he hoped no one else would think of.

The betrayal that the 501st was going through, the survivors currently, that sort of betrayal was very often undying.

Who was to care about them now? The Jedi, commonly, cared about the clones, sure, but most groups of them had a jedi that just…cared more. A Jedi’s general was something battalions and legions and groups of clones were often proud of. Wolffe, as grumpy and annoyed as he always seemed to be, would do anything for his general. Would follow him to the ends of the earth and his close-knit wolf pack would agree, especially seen by the unique nose art their gunships often sported. Gree and his men often said they couldn’t imagine anyone else. Doom and his troops had mourned master Tiplar; had been completely devastated by her loss. Bly and his troops were so proud and protective of their general, snapping at anyone who dared even try a comment they deemed inappropriate. Grey….Grey practically adored his General, Depa Billaba and their padawan Commander, Caleb Dume. Caleb had actual, real friends within the ranks under Grey and Billaba.

Battalions and legions and squads, they were all protective and close to one or two jedi more than the others.

That being torn away, that betrayal, he wasn’t sure how the surviving 501st was going to handle that, especially being around more jedi. Would they reject jedi completely, afraid of getting close again? Would a jedi try to embrace the survivors? And if anyone did try, would the survivors even allow it? There wasn’t many of them left, Rex couldn’t predict what would happen next.

His fingers curled into a fist, with a consistent pulse of tightening and loosening the grip. Breathe, he thought.

“Are you alright captain?” a familiar accented voice asked quietly.

Rex nearly jumped and turned to come face to face with General Kenobi. “Uh, sir, yes, o-of course.” Out of all the people that were in the area, he hadn’t expected to come face to face with him. But then again, it shouldn’t have been surprising either. General Kenobi was known for visiting the wounded. Rex had just thought right now, he would have better things to do. “W-Why would you think I’m not?”

An eyebrow was raised, silently but all Rex could see was the bruises under his eyes and the tired near resignation in his gaze. “You have every right to be not okay,” he started, a bit slowly, before his gaze turned out to the others. “But you are projecting your fury and anger. It is being felt by others.”

Oh. “I’m sorry,” Rex croaked.

General Kenobi took a breath. “It is natural to feel these things, especially going through what you and your brothers are.”

Rex racked his brain for information on projection of feelings. He was certain he had heard General Kenobi talk about it with Skywalker before. The answer was a realization that he didn’t like. He winced at the thought. “It hurts them, doesn’t it?”

The general’s expression was sympathetic and kind. “It depends on how strong everyone’s shields are. You, specifically, do not project too bad, probably due to natural shields procured being around…around Anakin all the time, but most everyone is feeling at least somewhat similar to what you are feeling. It feeds into everyone else’s fear and anger, which creates a feedback loop which feeds into itself and becomes a perpetual cycle.”

Swallowing, Rex tried to push down those feelings. His brothers had enough to deal with, they didn’t need his fear and anger to pollute them even more. “What…what do you do when you feel like this?”

“Any number of things,” General Kenobi replied, not quite looking at Rex. “I like to meditate, mindfulness is a good tool to deal with emotions and feelings, to help one understand, deal with and move past them.”

“Have you?” Rex was pretty sure he knew the answer.

The general shot him a smirk that didn’t hold much amusement at all. “Not a chance.”

He had to ask. “I heard you fought him, Skywalker,” he added quietly.

General Kenobi’s face went blank. “I did.”

He was alive and here and didn’t seem too injured. He won, obviously, but Rex couldn’t quite imagine the cost.

“Did you kill him?”

“No.”

Rex had mixed feelings about that notion, probably influenced by his emotions and feelings. “Part of me is a bit disappointed because he deserves it,” he started gradually, carefully. “If he’s not alive, that’s one less person for my brothers to be betrayed by again, one less person to be used by. One less person to fight, one less person to hate being alive. One less person to worry about taking their minds away from them.”

General Kenobi nodded, understanding.

“The other part is a little glad,” Rex admitted, grudgingly. He didn’t like that he felt like this but the rage in the pit of his stomach demanded its pound of flesh. “Part of me wants him to burn, for all that he has done to my brothers and everyone else. I know it isn’t very jedi like.”

“It is not the Jedi way,” General Kenobi agreed, evenly. “But I am sure plenty of those here – even jedi – are feeling quite the same.”

“They can?”

“Of course,” General Kenobi glanced at him again. His grey blue eyes were full of everything and nothing at the same time. Rex couldn’t read them and he wasn’t completely sure he wanted to. “Feelings and emotions are not controlled in the moment internally, or even prevented. They just come. It is action on them that is worrisome when it comes to the Jedi.”

“If I see him again, I will shoot him.”

“I suspected so.”

“You…you aren’t upset?” he asked, hesitantly. Rex’s conviction was not in question, to either him or General Kenobi, but he was a little surprised General Kenobi had simply acknowledged and accepted that occurrence, that possibility. “I just said I would shoot him if I saw him again. I think I would kill him, given the chance.”

“You are not beholden to my beliefs,” General Kenobi responded with a small, one shouldered shrug. “And…it may not be something I personally am able to accomplish, I cannot fault you for wanting to protect your brothers.”

“I’m sorry. I know you love him.”

“I love Anakin Skywalker, he is my brother,” General Kenobi admitted, hushed and mournful. He couldn’t meet Rex’s gaze once again but instead let it wander into the rest of the room, flitting between grieving and crying soldiers and those who were pulling back their shoulders, clearing their eyes and moving forward until everyone would be safe. It was admirable, Rex always thought, to be able to pick up and go, to not let feelings completely destroy you, to do your duty. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it anymore. General Kenobi watched a soldier leave, asking to help any way he could. A padawan directed him towards the landing pad for evacuation. He continued, quietly. “But I don’t think he is that person any longer.”

“I think I might hate him,” the words came out before Rex could stop them. Whether they were true or not, at the moment, he thought they were. “I hate what he has done to you, to our brothers, to the Jedi. Force, he came here to murder children. Children. Not enemy combatants; kids. It makes me wonder – was he always like that? Just hiding it from everyone? Did he ever actually care? Was the person we thought we knew ever there? Or was it a front?”

“I can’t believe that,” General Kenobi whispered, voice suddenly a bit hoarse and choking. “I just can’t.”

“I don’t know if I can either,” Rex confessed, the truth seeming to ring out. He wasn’t entirely sure what he felt or what he believed about Skywalker. Did he exist? Or was he just hiding? Rex wasn’t sure if he could believe that he never cared about them. “But it is what he is now – a monster. Even if he could ever come back from that, the 501st, me, we could never trust him again.” Rex didn’t think he could. Honestly Rex didn’t think he or Cody or anyone one of his brothers could stop themselves from shooting Skywalker in the face. This betrayal would hurt for quite some time to come.

“I think…” General Kenobi started, clearly struggling to speak. “I think I will always love him. No matter what, he…he is my brother. I…I tried to raise him. Arrogant of me, perhaps, to believe that I could, but I tried, all the same,” General Kenobi looked down at his hands, dirty, bruised and a bit bloody. “But I do believe you are right. Even if by some miracle we ever got Anakin Skywalker back, it wouldn’t be the same. We – I – could never trust him again."

A silence fell over them until General Kenobi patted his arm and stepped away, walking through some of the cots. He knelt next to a soldier who was curling tighter into himself, crying and his hands shaking as he stared at them, blood-stained. General Kenobi put his hand on the brother’s shoulder and whispered a few things quietly to him before tucking the crouched soldier underneath his chin and to his chest. The brother – Rex didn’t know his name at glance – practically threw himself into the General with renewed sobs. Even Rex could feel the forgivenesscalmpeacelove that the general had pushed forward.

Rex had stared for a moment, a realization dawning over him gradually. It was slow coming, but it came all the same. The 501st had been betrayed by Skywalker yes, but Skywalker wasn’t the only Jedi who cared about these, specific soldiers. General Kenobi had commanded and directed many groups of men, including the 501st – often the 501st – as they were a part of his third systems army. He knew a lot of them by name. He knew personalities and quirks. The 501st never just had one jedi they cared about or one jedi that cared about them.

They had been betrayed by Skywalker, yes, and so had General Kenobi.

Rex was fairly certain he knew where the 501st would turn to.

He looked away after the thought raced across his mind and then, after another moment, he left the room. His hands were shaking again, and he ended up having to lean up against the walls of the hall for support to stand upright. So much going on, so much to think about, it was rather overwhelming.

“Rex?”

Taking a deep breath, Rex slowly turned around. He knew that voice, every brother knew that voice. Rex just wasn’t sure if he could handle it right now.

To his relief it was Cody. Cody stood in the hall in front of him, eyebrows creased in worry with his helmet and an unfamiliar lightsaber clipped to his belt and a small package in hand.

“H-Hey Cody,” he greeted, his voice wavering. He was doing his best to get a hold of himself. Being in the Healing Halls with so many of his brothers…it had been difficult. His brother got closer and up to his side as Rex struggled to continue to speak. He studied Cody further. There was blood, streaking down some of armor, splattered on his hands. There was even a bit on his helmet.

As always, Cody seems to read his mind. “It’s not mine.”

Rex doesn’t know whose it is. He’s not sure if he wants to know. Instead, he asks, “You got yours out?”

Cody blinked, a bit surprised and confused, but after moment, he realized what he meant and touched the side of his head where the scar was. “Oh. Yes. I uh…I kind of kickstarted this whole thing,” he admitted.

“Kickstarted?”

“The Sith Lord contacted me while General Kenobi and I were walking down the Temple halls, activating my chip directly,” he explained, his nose curling and eyes narrowing in disgust. “Luckily, they ended up bringing me to the Healing Halls where they found it, along with another trooper, Inkspot. After we recovered, Inkspot and I joined the defense.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. My orders didn’t completely supersede that of the emperor’s, but it did help trapping them,” Cody said, uneasily. “I did the best I could but then I got separated from the battle. And then…I was there are the tail end of General Kenobi’s duel with Skywalker.” Rex stared at him with a million silent questions. “He defeated him quite thoroughly.”

“M-Meaning?”

“Relieved him of his three remaining limbs.”

Yikes. Whatever Rex had been expecting when it came to General Kenobi and Skywalker’s duel…that was not it. There was a bit of shameful satisfaction growing in the pit of his stomach. He squashed it down the best he thought he could. “That…that uh would do it,” he added.

“We are on the tail end of the evacuation,” Cody continued, looking around. The change of subject near gave Rex whiplash. “Soon there will be just a handful of troopers and Master Drallig’s guards and helping knights. Soon, there will be little left. Madam Nu said she will blow up the archives for whatever we cannot bring. I’m not sure if she intends to use it on a delay or use it to aid our escape into hyperspace,” he explained, rather musing to himself than anything. He shook his head. “Is General Kenobi in there? He mentioned wanting to check up on some of the 501st survivors, tell them it isn’t their fault, I got pulled away by some troopers and lost track of him for a bit.”

“He is,” Rex’s voice felt hoarse and croaking. “Think the 212th battalion might have some competition.”

The attempted humor fell flat as Cody just shot him an unusually soft and sympathetic expression. “There won’t be a competition,” he assured. “The 501st will be welcomed, as always. It isn’t the first time a betrayal has brought them closer.”

Rex nodded. One would think after the friendly fire incident on Umbara that Krell had initiated, the 212th and the 501st would have been bitter and avoided one another. In actuality, it had brought them closer. A horrible thing, two groups coming more together in tragedy and pain.

It just seemed to keep on coming. Over again.

“The 332nd is okay,” Rex forced out, trying to keep himself talking. The more he did it, the more it would be easier to do, to continue. “I mean, they weren’t activated. General Kenobi had warned Commander Tano. General Shaak Ti knows, she sent a few ships up there, mostly supplies.”

Cody nodded. “Do you want to stay with her?”

“I should, for now,” Rex admitted. “I should probably have the rest of the 501st come with me but…I don’t think I should. Commander Tano could use my help and I think, although part of her will want to be on General Kenobi’s ship, with him, she will probably stay with us.”

“It’s not long until Kamino, our first stop,” Cody shrugged. “We can figure out more then. Does that sound okay?”

Rex could barely feel himself nodding but he had little idea about the future. He didn’t know their first stop was Kamino. That didn’t seem very…safe, at least for the Jedi. Or anyone unchipped for that matter. He decided not to question it for now. The Jedi had to know what they were doing. “Uh, yeah that’s fine.” Something else popped in his head, another thing that had been bugging him. After all, Cody should know about what he had learned about his General. “Did…did General Kenobi meet back up with General Feemor.”

Cody’s eyes narrowed, full of suspicion. “Not since I woke up. General Kenobi told me he helped him with the beacon and with the duel with Skywalker. Why?”

Rex had no idea why his mind had gone to that, but it seemed at least Cody knew Feemor’s name. “Well, he uhm…Ahsoka told me that he claimed to be General Kenobi’s lineage brother.”

The suspicion was even fiercer now. “Did he?”

“I don’t know the specifics and I don’t think General Kenobi knows about him but…I just thought I should let you know, just in case,” Rex confessed. “We have been burned a lot and Count Dooku was related to General Kenobi too through their…lineages.”

Cody nodded. “Thank you for letting me know. I will deal with it.”

Overhead, wafting through the halls, General Shaak Ti’s soothing and calm voice rang overhead. “Remaining Jedi and Troopers, please start making your way towards the landing bays for final evacuations.”

“The end is near,” Cody muttered. It was probably mostly to himself, but he had caught it all the same. Rex had a bad feeling about this, but he silently agreed. Whatever was to come, an age was near its end. He just hoped they would survive through it.

[aricazorel]

12 from the fluffy prompts for f!shenko please!

Thank you so much for the ask!

“This reminded me of you.” from this list

Rebecca Shepard x Kaidan Alenko; ME3, Citadel DLC; 1548 words

Spending the first few days of mandatory shore leave chasing your own clone and recovering your stolen ship was not how Rebecca Shepard had envisioned the time off. She hadn’t expected Anderson to give her his apartment either, but she wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Instead she decided to spend the time as ordered: off duty while she caught up with friends, took it easy, and spent quality time with Kaidan. Granted her shore leaves had always been hit or miss on whether other people enjoyed them with her but Kaidan was different. She knew him. Really knew him and thought she might be able to find things they both enjoyed doing.

That’s why she stopped into a random store in one of the lower wards market districts. It screamed Kaidan Alenko. The ward itself was home to a mixture of races and was a prime area for tourists to frequent. And that was what she was at the moment. Not the Commander, not the Savior of the Citadel, not the galaxy’s beacon of hope against the impossible. Just a tourist looking for a gift for her nerdy boyfriend and did that shop fit the bill. Thankful she actually listened to his random facts at all hours of the day and night, she was sure to find something he liked.

The whole concept of the store was based on interesting and unique things from Earth’s past. As one of the newer species on the galactic scene, humanity was still a curiosity to some. The oddities of Earth’s pop culture from past centuries permeated the shelves, racks, and display spaces in the specialty shop.

Shepard roamed the aisles looking for a specific pop culture icon from the late 20th-early 21st centuries. Surely they had something related to his nerdy obsession. After all he had been through and all he did for her, he deserved something familiar, something comforting, something distinctly Kaidan.

Finally at the very back of the store, she found it. All sorts of items: tee shirts, hats, figures, plushies, OSDs with movies and TV series, models, and much more. But one thing in particular caught her attention. A box containing what looked to be a collection of several items. Ones she knew Kaidan would love.

Her target acquired, the Commander- turned- tourist quickly paid for it and made her way back to the apartment. If she were lucky, Kaidan would still be out with Cortez, Vega, and Joker at the arcade. She could wrap it and surprise him.

Hopefully…

~~~~~

“Hey, Becca! I’m back,” Kaidan’s voice called from the living room.

“I’m in here,” she shouted from the bar area. The large box sat on the coffee table in front of her as The Battlespace played on the large vid screen but muted.

The Major rounded the wall partition as he commented, “Joker still wants to have that party. Tried all evening to get Steve, Vega, and me to convince you to agree to it.”

“I told him I’d think about it,” Rebecca groaned from the couch.

“Yeah, well you know Joker. He gets an idea and won’t let go until he gets his way,” Alenko replied as he came to stand by the couch, the artificial fire crackling behind him.

“Yeah. I know but all I want to do right now is spend time with you,” she said tossing her red hair over her shoulder. “Alone.”

“I’m all yours tonight, Becca,” he assured her as his whiskey-colored eyes flickered to the coffee table. “I promise.”

Shepard grinned. “Something catch your eye, Major?”

“You always have my eye, Shep,” he said with a lop-sided grin.

“You’ve gotten better with your flirting,” she noted as he approached the table.

“Who said I was flirting? I thought I was simply stating a fact,” Alenko commented, winking at her.

“Kaidan,” the Commander murmured as she felt herself blush lightly.

“It’s true,” the L2 biotic said as he pointed to the box. “But what it that?”

“It’s a box.”

“Becca.”

“It’s a wrapped box.”

“Shepard.”

“It’s a wrapped box with something allegedly inside it.”

“Rebecca Jane Shepard!”

The Commander laughed as she held up her hands as if in surrender. “Okay! Okay! No reason to sound like my dad.”

Kaidan made a face. “Don’t ever say that again. That’s just…weird.”

Rebecca laughed again as she motioned towards the box. “It’s for you.”

“Me?” the Major asked in surprise. “From who?”

She frowned as she replied indignantly, “Me, Alenko. Unless you have other women gifting you things behind my back.”

“Hell, no,” the second human Specter exclaimed as he reached for the box.

“No guys either?” she teased as he sat down on the couch beside her.

With the box in his lap, he gave her an incredulous look. “Sweetheart, while I do like both men and women, I only love you.”

Shepard was left speechless by his honesty as he quickly kissed her cheek. He gave her a grin and began to unwrap the box. Her once emotionally reserved Lt. was not so any longer, and it suited him. It suited him very well.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“You always say that, and you know I’m gonna do it anyway.”

“Yeah, well I still think you don’t have to…”

The Commander grinned as he went silent. His fingers traced over the edges of the box as his eyes flickered from one image to another on the side facing him. She leaned forward to look at him better. His expression was one of surprise and something she couldn’t place.

“I found it at an Earth novelty shop in one of the wards,” she said softly.

Kaidan nodded as she continued to look over the box.

“This,” Rebecca said motioning to the focus of his attention, “reminded me of you.”

“I had some like these when I was a kid,” Kaidan murmured as he opened the box. “My mom found them somewhere. Used to put them together to distract me from my biotics when I got frustrated with them.”

Shepard smiled as he pulled out several smaller boxes, each of a different model kit. She watched as his smile widened as he told her the name of each ship the model was supposed to build. A look of fondness for a childhood memory on his handsome features the entire time.

“This one’s an X-wing—Red 5. Luke’s ship…This is the Millennium Falcon—a YT-1300…Ummm, this is a TIE Fighter and a…TIE Advanced—Vader’s I think…A Star Destroyer—Venator class used during the Clone Wars and a…Oh wow! It’s the Ebon Hawk!”

Shepard recognized all the ships except the last one from binge watching the Star Wars movies and series with him in the hospital. “Come again?”

He turned to her excitedly. “It’s the ship from a couple of Star Wars video games. I had an emulator for them growing up. I might still have it…”

“So it’s a good thing?”

He nodded with a broad grin. “It was a fun couple of games. I can show them to you some time but…”

“But what?”

“Well, my mom used to say the pilot of the ship sounded a little like me,” he said rubbing the back of his neck, clearly a little embarrassed. “It might be weird.”

She looked at him thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s just one more thing that can remind me of you. You are weird in a special kind of way.”

Kaidan gazed at her happily. “This mean a lot to me, Becca. Just like you do. Thank you.”

“I’m glad,” she said looping an arm though his.

He went back to inspecting the model kits as she laid her head against his shoulder.

“You know,” she began, “when you get those put together I think there might be enough room to display them in the case in the loft.”

He turned to her. “You’d put my model kits from Star Wars with your models of real ships?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“Umm, because they’re not—”

“Not what, Kaidan?” she asked. “They are important to you and you are important to me.”

He looked at her with cynically. “While that does sound sweet and sincere, is that really the only reason?”

“Well, of course it is,” she replied. Shepard paused and winced. “Welllll, that and I think most of them look badass…except for the TIE. It looks like a messed-up eyeball.”

Alenko laughed. “Oddly enough that was a nickname the Rebels and New Republic pilots gave them. The TIE/LN starfighter and the TIE/D Defender specifically. I—”

“Alright, my handsome nerd, I get you are excited and I’m glad you like them, but I thought we were spending the night together. Alone. Do I need to be jealous of the model kits?”

“No, Becca. I’m all yours,” he said setting them aside as he leaned over. Kissing her, he suggested, “We could watch the movies though.”

“Hmmmm,” she said. “We could as long as it isn’t too distracting.”

“If you want my full attention all you ever have to do it ask.”

“I know. And I love you. You and all of your nerdiness too.”

“Oh good. I was worried…”

“Kaidan.”

“I love you too.”

She smiled. Rebecca would always love him. Everything about him. Everything.  

[ayo-cowbelly]

Maybe - Captain Rex x Reader

*All POV’s will be female unless requested otherwise*

So.... I’m in the mood for angst. This idea has been in my head for days, and I’ve been listening to a lot of instrumental soundtracks lately, which only fueled this (lots of Across the Stars and Burying the Dead). Eventually I decided to just sit down and write it.  Got pretty into italics with this one. It’s kinda long. Also this is the first time I’ve posted something like this, so I hope you like it :)

Part two can be found here!

Y/n: Your name

Y/l/n: Your last name

masterlist

***

You walked the never-ending halls of the Resolute, a neutral expression on your face. Your mental shields were strong, or as strong as they could be. You weren’t really sure if you were fooling anyone. 

Hopefully you were, because if people (namely, other Jedi) sensed your inner turmoil, things could go horribly wrong; after all, Jedi don’t feel this way. They don’t spend their nights crying silently, hoping that nobody hears. They don’t simultaneously curse and cherish their memories with a particular person. Jedi do not have broken hearts. 

Because a broken heart could mean you broke up with someone. And to do that, it usually means you fell in love. 

And Jedi do not fall in love. 

Except... when they do.

*** 

It started two years ago, when the war had just begun. When you had first stepped foot onto the Venator-class starship that would soon become your home. When you met him.  Your captain, CT-7567. Rex. 

“Hello, Captain.”

“General.” 

“Sorry, do you have a preferred name? Seems we should get to know each other a bit.” 

“It’s Rex, General.” 

“Well, Rex, I look forward to working with you.”

“And I you, Sir.” 

That’s where it all started- and eventually ended.

***

The war was hard on everyone. You watched as the people you knew so well started to- well, change. Anakin seemed angrier, Obi-Wan more stressed, and you… you seemed, for lack of a better word… hollow. The men dying all around you, your order seemingly breaking (you were never meant to be soldiers, yet you lead men who had never known anything else), it felt like you were being crushed on the inside. Yet, you had him. 

He was there. 

Whether it was quiet talks in the night, locked eyes in the briefing room, or a lingered touch in a turbulent LAAT/i, he was there. The war escalated and the world changed and sometimes it felt like your soul was on fire with pain- but he was there, until he wasn’t. 

Eventually it really was too much. The war put a strain on an already fragile relationship (Jedi are not meant to fall in love). The threat of you being caught had always loomed heavily on both your heads. You would be expelled from the only family you’d ever known… and he would be court-martialed, or worse- decommissioned. The thought of the man you loved being cast aside and killed for following his heart plagued you with fear. 

Fear was not the Jedi way.

You started fighting. Little things, that sometimes exploded into larger issues. The survivors’ guilt and the stress of so many battles (you never knew what the next day would bring; could one of your names be added to the list of remembrances? You didn’t know… and didn’t want to, ever) made you both edgy and it was hard to discuss it without conflict. 

Your relationship burned bright for so long until it crumbled. 

“So, that’s it then? A year, and then… we’re just… done?” 

“I think that would be best, Sir.” 

“Don’t! Don’t call me that! Not now! Right now, I’m just Y/n, and you’re just Rex. You and me! What happened to that?” 

“It’s not right, General-” “Stop calling me that!” 

“It’s what you are! You’re the general, and I’m the captain. Jedi and clone. That’s all it ever should have been, and it has to go back to that.” 

You were supposed to be the composed one… but your emotions were spiraling and gripped your heart. “I won’t let it.” 

“You don’t get to decide that, Sir.” 

“Rex, I-” You choked out, but couldn’t finish. You didn’t even know what to say. What would fix it? 

You just watched as he put his helmet back on and left your room quietly. 

With your head in your hands, you tried, really tried, to repress the tears- until you couldn’t. 

***

If your Co-General and Commander noticed your changed demeanor, they were kind enough not to mention it. You and Anakin used to have a game, of sorts, of who could get away with the craziest maneuvers on the battlefield without an injury- whether it be jumping out of a flying LAAT/i, taking on a whole droid squad alone, or grabbing onto a rocket droid like a speeder. You and Ahsoka would team-up and tease Anakin together pretty often around the ship. But that all changed. 

You wouldn’t take on as many droids alone- something Kix was probably happy about. The crazier ideas all came from Anakin, the more “sane” (as the rest of the legion would call it) plans came from you. Ahsoka would poke fun at Anakin while you watched with a forced almost-smile. Actually, that forced content on your face was probably your most common expression these days.

Life took on a grayer hue. 

So, you worked on shielding and repressing, keeping your pain hidden until the dead hours of the night. 

***

Were the hallways smaller, now? It felt like it. Every turn, every corridor, no matter where you went, it felt like he was always there. Somehow, you ran into him everywhere, with a shallow nod and the slightest of glances. 

 2 years. Strangers. Friends. Lovers… Then strangers again. 

It was a cruel cycle. 

***

For a while, you had thought about requesting a battalion to lead alone. At the beginning of the war, you had been assigned to co-lead the 501st due to your familiarity with Anakin- both Crechemates and eventually Padawans with your masters as good friends, you spent a lot of time together growing up. The Council felt it would be good to have their resident loose-cannon lead a legion with another, to make sure he didn’t go too off the rails.

 What the Council hadn’t realized was that yes, while you were the more rational of the pair, you enjoyed Anakin’s crazy plans- most of the time. Sometimes, they really were insane, which was where you stepped in. 

A bonus of being assigned to the same legion was that you met Ahsoka. The young Togruta sometimes felt like your own Padawan, and you adored her. She was endlessly curious and brave, and wise beyond her years. And you grew even more proud of her as she grew up. 

Now, she was older, and more experienced- and as she came into her own, you realized you weren’t always needed anymore. Granted, the missions were sometimes shorter and had more solid planning due to having an extra Jedi General around, but your presence was no longer a necessity. Anakin and Ahsoka would do just fine without you. Besides, leading a legion as large as the 501st meant you had to watch more and more clones be taken with every battle. The longer the war went on, the more recruits there were (who seemed to be getting younger all the time). 

And even though it was selfish, with your own legion you wouldn’t have to be around Him all the time. Maybe it’d be nice, to be away from him; maybe you could heal without the pain of it all filling you when you saw him. Maybe.

You could handle your own battalion. You were capable, and more than ready. You knew this, but didn’t necessarily like it. 

***

Eventually, you reached a decision. It was the last thing you wanted, to leave Him; you loved him fiercely, still. Yet, leaving was what you needed. You had to be at your best to lead the troops, and lately, your best was sloppy. It was time to reign in your emotions and gain control again. 

Of course, nothing was final, but the feeling of something ending echoed around you. 

The last time eating in the mess with the men who almost felt like brothers. 

The last time going through a briefing with your Co-General, watching Admiral Yularen’s face fill with exasperation and irritation as Anakin laid out a daring plan. 

The last time you met His warm Golden-Brown eyes in the halls. 

Your comm chirped, and you ducked into an empty storage closet to take the call. You were met with Masters Yoda and Windu’s holographic forms. 

“Something you wanted to discuss, you had, young Y/l/n?” 

“Yes, Master Yoda.” 

***

A week later, you stood in the briefing room with the usual command crew: Anakin, Ahsoka, Admiral Yularen, and Him. 

Deep breaths, Y/n. In, and out. “I called this meeting because I have some… news, and I thought you should be the first to know.” You glanced around at them, swallowing. “I’ve requested to lead my own battalion- and it’s been granted.” Letting that sink in, you continued: “I’m leaving at 0800 tomorrow morning, in my fighter. I’ll head to Coruscant, where I’ll meet the men, and then we’ll ship out sometime next week.” 

Silence. 

Anakin was the first to speak. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”

“I’m getting my own battalion. I requested it a few days ago.” 

“Why?” You heard the growing anger in your friend’s voice and decided to tread carefully.

“Anakin, you don’t need me here anymore. Ahsoka’s more than qualified to lead the 501st with you, and with the war- there’s more and more troops who need leading, and not enough Jedi to do it. But I can, and I have to; It’s my duty. The Council agreed with me.” 

“Y/n, when did you talk to the Council about this?” 

“A few days ago- but it’s been on my mind for a while.” You said gently. You didn’t meet His eyes, didn’t even look over there; if you did, your resolve would crumble. You just kept your gaze on Anakin, occasionally looking to Ahsoka. She looked surprised, and a bit sad, but understanding. Anakin looked… well, it was wise to be cautious of your tone. 

“Do you know where you’ll ship off to?” Ahsoka asked politely. 

“Not yet, but I’ve heard that it might be Cato Neimodia, or maybe Anaxes. I can’t be sure, though.” You looked down. “I just thought you all should know first.” 

“Well, best of luck, General. It’s been an honor.” Admiral Yularen nodded at you, then went out to the bridge. Eventually, Anakin and Ahsoka left too, the latter guiding her Master with a soft hand on his arm. 

That left you and the Captain. Alone, for the first time in weeks. 

“So… your own battalion. That’s… big news,” He said quietly. “I know you’ll do well.” 

“Thanks, Rex,” You practically whispered. “I’ve enjoyed our time together,” You met his eyes briefly, barely keeping the floodgate of emotions at bay. “I’ll miss working with you.” I love you. I love you more than anything. 

He nodded. “And I you, General.” 

***

You left that next morning, with your men watching from the hangar. His presence, the one you had treasured and held onto like a lifeline... the one that got you through the worst of it all, the one you had loved (and still did, so much), stayed behind, slowly fading from the forefront of your mind. 

It’s for the best. 

Maybe you’d start to heal. 

Maybe. 

Fin.