#and assumes medic's a widower or something

[lagomorphique]

usually I don't like when fandom retcons a male character's attraction to women bc bi erasure sucks but in my extremely convoluted hc for medic's backstory, I do hc him and his wife to have had a marriage of convenience. In my personal headcanon, they met bc they were wlw and mlm respectively involved in the underground gay scene of 1920s Germany and met through mutual friends. They became extremely close friends and married each other as a cover. They're still legally married but went their separate ways after leaving Germany in the 30s, then lost contact when the war broke out. Medic still wears the ring 1) for the same reasons he got married in the first place, protection. and 2) for sentimental reasons, he misses her and always wondered what happened to her. He really, really doesn't like being asked about it, which is why there's only like 1 line in the entirety of tf lore referencing his wife. Demo probably saw the ring and made the insult without thinking, Medic reacted extremely poorly, and the team collectively understood that pretty much anything is fair game to insult medic with because he doesn't really give a shit and finds it funny too, with the exception of two things: he will not tolerate being called a n*zi (he's jewish) or any reference to his wife.

[munariplans]

what about me? | n. romanoff

synopsis: natasha's always had you to fall back on. imperfect, flawed, and elusive as you were, you were always there for her. even until the very end.

natasha romanoff x daredevil!reader

word count: 8.6k words

warnings: angst | self-doubt and insecurities | smoking | death

masterlist

“What about me?” 

A shawarma bag was tossed in your direction, the answer to your teasing question. Catching it quickly, you turned and placed it on your desk, before going back to preparing your bandages. 

“You know, you should really sign up for SHIELD, with that skill of yours,” came the remark from the Black Widow, as she sauntered towards you. 

“Are you making fun of my blindness, Romanoff?” You shot back, feeling her take a seat across from you. She smelled like the shawarma shop that she had just patronised with the rest of the world-saving Avengers, along with a hint of sweat and grime, with remnants of her perfume. 

She snorted. “Hardly. I’m being serious, you should go for tryouts. You have reflexes and senses surpassing more than half of my seasoned recruits, doc.”

Natasha winced as your hands began travelling up her body. It was hard getting used to being touched, after all those years, even with you. She knew you found what you were looking for when a hint of a smile appeared on your features; it was her tenderest bruise. 

“From a human kick? I assume from a certain Agent Barton?” You knew she was taking a breath of shock at your accuracy, “And I’m not a doctor anymore, Romanoff. Neither am I interested in being around you so much, at your organisation.”

“SHIELD isn’t just–” She got cut off with a yelp, as you began wrapping around her ribs, the bandage taut against her aching injury. “–That was intentional.”

“Sorry. I couldn’t see.” You teased.

After another few hours of Natasha wincing and cursing at you several times as you patched up her injuries, she was free. Battered and admittedly a little more sore than she was before, but at least her wounds were stitched up, her bruises treated with, and her mind a little more at ease after the battle of New York. You were her respite, more than anything else. 

But as she turned to steal a bite of the shawarma that she had bought for you, she caught you leaning against the doorframe, face in contemplation. 

You spoke before she could. “Stop coming back. I mean it. I may accidentally hurt you one day.”

“You know I trust no one else with my body.” 

“Well, you should,” you realised it had come across as insensitive, as Natasha shifted uncomfortably, so you added, “Someone who isn’t a surgeon that has been blinded by some radioactive substance and lost her medical licence…permanently.”

“And someone who isn’t practising medicine illegally, still, to treat children and families who can’t afford medical expenses, along with the occasional injured Avenger.” Natasha quipped. You snatched back the shawarma from her. 

“The children only come with scraped knees, sprained wrists, sometimes the occasional head laceration. You, on the other hand,” Natasha’s breath hitched as you approached, your face inches from hers, “I’m afraid of the day I can’t fix you beyond your broken bones and gaping wounds, Romanoff.” 

As if she finally summoned the willpower to pull away, to stop herself from staring into your once light, still-beautiful, clouded eyes, and your parted lips, Natasha broke free from her trance and stepped back, shaking her head. She inhaled once, twice, before a thought hit her. It was something that she had wanted to confront you for, and seeing the stalemate that the two of you had reached again tonight, it was her perfect opportunity to counterstrike. 

“There’s been reports…articles, I’m sure you’ve heard, of a masked vigilante, running around Manhattan. A similar one to the devil of Hell’s Kitchen. Except…she’s…a woman.”

“So I’ve heard.” The sound of running water broke the tension, so thick it could be cut with a knife, as you scrubbed your hands clean from the woman’s blood. Natasha noticed your composure was not shaken. 

“Similar masks, similar costumes, everything. It’s almost as if they were a team. Same form of fighting, too.” 

You hid a small grin facing away from her, remembering the suit maker Matt had introduced you to. Melvin truly was a sweetheart. You almost had half a heart to tell Natasha of how sweet he was, how nice he had been to the two of you, how amidst the chaos and destruction in New York over the past few years, he had been one of the best the city had to offer. 

But you didn’t. Instead, you turned around, wiping your hands. “Is there something you wanted to tell me, Romanoff?” 

She only sighed. “I wished you would open up to me as much as I opened up to you, that’s all.”

– 

“What do you know about The Winter Soldier?”

The sting from your suturing suddenly stopped, and even though Natasha could not get a look at you from her angle, she knew she had caught you off-guard. 

On your end, memories flashed of the night you and Matt had cornered one of HYDRA’s most powerful assassins, on a stupid mission from Stick that only promised trouble. Matt had gotten lucky; a mere slash across the abdomen, while you suffered a bullet straight to your head from his machine gun. Had it not been for the helmet, you would not have been able to be sitting there, stitching up the woman before you, again. 

That was also the particular encounter that led to Natasha’s discovery of your…alter-ego. In the dead of the night, as she was nearly on the brink of death from her injuries herself (and still refusing to be handled by any doctor from SHIELD grounds), she had broken into your apartment, to find Matt laying you on your sofa, your forehead bleeding out so much blood that she nearly got nauseous. 

But you were there; in your red suit mirroring Matt’s, your helmet dented in with a bullet casing still stuck to it, and Natasha had confirmed her suspicions of who the superhero protecting Manhattan was. Queen’s had that swinging spiderkid, Hell’s Kitchen had its own devil, and you were Manhattan’s. 

“I’ll stop treating you, and report you to SHIELD, if you ever tell anyone about this,” you still managed to say upon her entry, before passing out from the blood loss that night. 

Coming back from your thoughts, you continued your treatment on the open flesh. “Nothing.”

“You always say–”

“We work for very different organisations, and are at very different skill levels, Romanoff. The men I take down, and the men you do, are nothing alike. So no, I don’t know anything about this Winter Soldier you are talking about.” I have heightened senses and training like no other from the Chaste, but in the end, I am only human, Nat. You had a serum literally injected into you since you were a child. 

“Did Murdock tell you to say that?” Natasha winced when she tried to get up to look at you, but you pushed her back down, “He told you to shortchange yourself, to keep on hiding yourself from me, from the world? I’ve seen you, known you, and you are so much more than what you make yourself out to be.”

Her tone had gotten accusatory, almost as if she had a bone to pick with Matt. She always seemed to stiffen up when he was around. Her heartbeat picked up in bursts of anger when he touched you even for the slightest bit, she refused to let him speak alone to you whenever she was around, hell, she even went to the extent of pulling you away when you were treating her and he snuck in once. 

You knew better. “He didn’t tell me to say that. I know my limits, is all. And I know I am no match for a man with a cybernetic arm.”

Then, when the Widow went silent with the double meaning of your previous sentence, you continued, “Matt’s just a friend. I’ve known him since…a long time ago, and he will always be a friend. In fact, he’s like my elder brother, Romanoff. And you shouldn’t be jealous of him when you’ve already got who you want in your sights.”

It was not the compromising position, or the rawness in her throat that made her feel vulnerable. Neither was it the racing of her heart. No, that vulnerability brimmed from hope. “And who is that?”

“Bruce Banner.” You replied matter-of-factly. 

The Black Widow did not visit you for close to six months after those two words were uttered. 

– 

Natasha Romanoff only came back to you after all those months with an invite. She waited for you to slowly read the braille, you to shake your head disapprovingly, before the smile that she had craved to see for so long began to appear. Some nights, it was only that smile, and her quiet determination to one day find the courage to confess to you, that kept her going. 

“You bringing me to a party, Romanoff?”

“When was the last time you attended one, doctor?” She took your welcome stance as an invitation, no matter how guilty she had felt for ignoring you the last few months. Natasha noticed that she was willing to accept even scraps, the bare minimum, of your hospitality towards her, if it meant that she could be close to you again. Your body language showed that she was not totally forgiven, but it was still a relief that she had returned. If Natasha chose to kid herself, it would also mean that you missed her. 

“Not since med school. Surgeons didn’t have lives, and now, I’m…like this.” You bit back a hint of bitterness, and all of a sudden, your fears and doubts returned. The years of insecurity, the walls you had built around yourself after the accident, the people you had cut off, all came rushing back. A party, who were you to enjoy a party? 

Natasha let out a grin, moving to seat the both of you and to pour a cup of coffee for herself from your kettle. “I’ll help you pick out a dress, don’t worry. Oh, and there’ll be a chauffeur picking us up, so you don't have to worry about going as an Avenger’s plus-one to a super fancy party thrown by Tony Stark. I can already feel you recoiling at the extravagance of it all–”

The woman stopped her rambling when the air became riddled with tension again. She was dreading to turn around to have her hopes and ambitions crushed. But she had to anyway. Upon the look on your face, she let out a, “Oh come on, please?”

“I’m sorry, Romanoff. It’s not you.”

“You’ve done so much for me. You’ve been everything to me, the only reason I survive all these crazy missions. I can’t show you off for one night? To thank you? To introduce you as–”

“If you want to thank me, you can swing by, without injuries, sometimes. Not like this.”

You turned to hold the door for her, but Natasha decided that for once, just once, she needed to stop caring so much about being considerate. She needed to make a move before you could withdraw yourself again. “But you’ll attend all of Matt’s fancy lawyer parties, yeah? With Foggy, with Karen, all of them? On him like his arm candy, fooling everyone when you won’t even let anyone try to get close to you aside from him! You’ll dress up, look like the most gorgeous woman there is to walk this planet, socialise with sleazy attorneys, but you won’t even go to one party with me and my friends?”

The grip on the handle tightened. “You know I was there to scope out Fisk’s minions.”

“And sleeping with them to find out information, too?” you cringed, already wanting the conversation to end, “God, if you hated me and wanted to avoid me, you could’ve just said so!”

It was the first time in a long while Natasha Romanoff lost her composure. She could not say she was proud of it, but with you, she felt like she had no control over any of her emotions. 

At least, she thought, it all paid off when you closed the door again and muttered, “I don’t hate you. And I’m sorry. I’ll go to your stupid party with you.” 

–

You knew it was a mistake only later on, when you were sat at the bar in front of a bartending Natasha, the fourth Old Fashioned for the night drumming through your veins. Sam Wilson had cracked a few jokes that made you let out hints of laughter over the night, under Natasha’s watchful eye, before he felt a little intimidated by her glares and moved away to Steve again. Tony Stark had pitched you the idea of  a technologically advanced walking stick that could help day-to-day life easier for people like you, to which Natasha had chuckled teasingly, mentioning a she wouldn't need it, which proved to hurt his feelings more than expected, as he sauntered off shortly after. The final one who tried to even come within the bubble she had set for you and her was Steve Rogers, but with an annoyed tsk after he tried introducing you to a friend, he too gave up. 

“Are you intentionally making me not likeable to them, Romanoff?” You swallowed the last of your drink, but as she moved to pour another, you pulled the glass away and her face closer to yours. 

You were drunk, Natasha had to keep reminding herself, even as she smelled the alcohol on your lips and still thought they were the most kissable on Earth. Her hand shook slightly as she held your elbow, your thumb grazing over her features to make out some sort of reply. 

“I thought you said you didn't like people.” She breathed, hyper-aware that someone was coming up to the both of you. 

“That doesn’t mean I’m a fucking psychopath, Romanoff. I can entertain, I just choose not to.” It stung more than it should, so Natasha broke the contact and went back to pour herself a shot of vodka before she dared speak with you again. 

Finally, Banner arrived. The one you were most dreading to meet, the one Natasha deathly hoped didn’t come. It didn’t help that from the conversations around the room, he seemed actually nice to everyone. 

You lowered your head as he came to the bar, pretending to be busy with something on your glass. 

“How’d a nice girl like you end up working in a dump like this?” You could scoff at his introduction to Natasha. 

“Fella done me wrong.” You could feel her eyes on you as she spat out the words. 

And the flirting began. Banner continued with a remark on her taste in men, she retaliated, but what hit the nail in the coffin for you was her, “The fact is he’s not like anybody I’ve ever known.”

Your glass hit the table harder than it should, as the both of them suddenly turned, acting as if you could not hear their racing heartbeats, feel Banner’s goofy grin, got dizzy with Natasha’s lilting voice. The whiskey in your system suddenly didn’t feel so warm anymore, as you reached into your purse for something. 

“Sorry, needed a smoke break,” you brandished the pack to Banner, “Drinks, you know.”

“I know,” he smiled at you, offering a hand, before realising, and awkwardly retracting it, but not before you shook it firmly to save him the embarrassment. “I’m Bruce, and you are?” “Just a nobody,” you smiled back, before slipping away into the balcony. 

Halfway through your third cigarette, you smelled her perfume before she could even exit the glass doors. You sighed, you had hoped she would stay in there and save you the trouble of getting upset all over again. 

She stood more than a safe distance away from you, as if…afraid. Of what you would say, of what you would do. 

So you took it as an invitation to initiate. “You brought me here, by cussing me out and accusing me of things I am not, just to openly flirt with Banner and not allow me to even look in the direction of anyone else. Might as well have just fucked him on the bar counter, Romanoff.”

Natasha swallowed the insult, and came one step closer. “Whatever I was saying to Bruce, I…I–”

“...Didn’t mean?” You snorted, moving on to your next cigarette, “Yeah, right. No one says that kind of shit unless they mean it. And you can’t hide these things from me. You forget I don’t have to see people to be able to read them like an open book. My senses are both my blessings and curses.”

“I said those things to you, remember? The exact words. Way before SHIELD, before the Avengers, before Bruce. And you…you thought I was lying. So what makes you think it was genuine for him?”

“So you’re trying to tell me that you flirt with everyone and that I, too, meant nothing? Is that what you are saying, Romanoff?” When she said nothing, merely clenching her fists in anger and allowing tears to brim in her eyes, you proceeded with, “Could’ve just said a fuck you. Saved you a lot of trouble.”

“If you could just get your head out of your self-deprecating, wallowing, realm of excuses for yourself, you would have known that I was talking about you! All the words I said, all the words I meant, were for you!” She suddenly screamed, approaching you hard and fast. Your senses kicked in to almost retract, to guard yourself, but you forced them to remain still. “You are the one I want! The only one I have ever wanted! And you would’ve noticed that I was looking at you all while I was talking to Bruce, that you were the ‘guy’ I had to disguise! All because I was afraid you were so insecure with yourself that you wouldn’t let anyone know who you were, that you wouldn’t want anyone to know that I loved you.”

If Natasha was being honest, there was not a single outcome out of her outburst that she could confidently predict for. All she knew then, before she began, was that she needed to finally get it out. That Bruce had been right; she deserved a win, and so did you. That she needed to finally tell you how she felt. 

The night air was cold again, the liquid courage and adrenaline no longer providing a layer of insulation for her. She was back to Natalia again. Vulnerable, weak, Natalia. It was a feeling she despised so much, one she avoided for so many years of her life, only to be returned to when confronted with her feelings for you. She hoped then, that this confession would allow her to never return to it. 

But you only stubbed out the rest of your cigarette, listened to her inhale heavy breaths, and slung your purse over your shoulder again. Brushing past her, ignoring her complete bewilderment, you leaned in and muttered, “Fuck you too, Romanoff.”

– 

“I need you. I’m sorry.” Natasha pleaded, a mere few days after the night of Tony Stark’s party. You had just slipped in through the window of your apartment’s bedroom, nursing a broken wrist from an attacker managing to turn your batons against you, and there the Widow was. You should have known, there was no getting rid of her, no matter how much you wanted, and at the same time, did not. 

Hiding your wrist away from her, you could only sigh. “I can’t…I can’t fix you tonight. My hand’s fucked.”

Suddenly, her arms were around your neck, her body pressed so close against yours, head on your shoulder. You were so surprised by the sudden embrace that you failed to register that this was the first time Natasha was hugging you, much less that she was sobbing into your shoulder. 

Naturally, you patted her back sympathetically, almost awkwardly. But what came before your question already clarified any doubts you had that she might not be genuine. “There was this kid…a Sokovian twin. She fucked with us, all of us, with our heads. A-And,” Natasha stopped to bury herself deeper into you, “She brought me back to the Red Room.”

She felt you take a deep breath, before your arms finally wrapped back around her waist, your head nuzzled atop hers comfortingly, and you muttering, “Shh, it’s okay. It will all be okay.”

“I didn’t know who else I could go to, who else I could trust with my history and not run. O-Only you didn’t. And I know, you probably hate me right now, because–”

“I could never hate you, Natasha.”

Natasha blinked. It was the first time you had ever called her anything other than Romanoff. 

Lifting her head to meet yours, you rubbed your thumb over her tear-stained cheeks, giving her a comforting smile. “And I’m not running. Not from your past, not from you.”

“I am damaged. You know that better than anyone.”

Your chuckle felt like music to her ears. “If you’re damaged, what does that make me? God, Natasha, we all have our demons. I mean, I was a surgeon, for heaven’s sake. A brilliant, award-winning, miracle-worker surgeon. People revered me, I was haughty and arrogant, and I thought I was unstoppable. And then this patient came in, bathed in radioactive substances of every possible kind you could imagine one day, and his heart was giving out. I couldn’t just stand there. I had to risk it; I had to save him, even if it costed me…everything.

And now, I’m just a blind, masked vigilante running around this city like I owe something to it, like it deserves my protection when all it has handled me is bitterness and pain. But there is still beauty. There is still beauty, when the children from the homeless shelter down the street smile again after bouts of illness plaguing them for months have been healed, when the older gentleman four blocks from here has an easier time walking after his knees have received therapy and care, even when the construction workers from the Chrysler Building walk in with sprained wrists and ankles, and walk out feeling so much better with their injuries straightened out. With all of its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, there is still beauty, even in this city, Natasha.

But most of all, there is still beauty right in front of me. I see the beauty in this city, reflected in you. I see home, comfort, and so much bravery in you. Your past doesn't make you damaged, in fact, they only make you so much more beautiful. And I wish you could just see it like I do; because no one else is as fucked up, as damaged as us. But no one else will also be able to see beauty like us.”

Her own fingers, shaking and cold then, traced the outline of your lips, which had been bruised and bleeding from a fight earlier. But they felt like ice on fire, as she leaned in closer and closer, asking, begging for permission. 

She was mere inches away from you, like so many times before. Only this time, she was tired of waiting, tired of asking, and begging, like she always did. 

Her lips met yours, and everything then felt like the beginning of something new. 

“Let me love you, beauty and broken dreams, damage and perfection, all at once. Let me love you, please, please, please.”

–

In the aftermath of Ultron, Natasha mourned Bruce in your presence. Like always, it was in the comfort of your apartment, the only place Natasha felt safe on Earth, where she laid her walls down. She was no longer Black Widow in those moments, no, she was only Natasha Romanoff. She was always Natasha Romanoff to you, and you were never Daredevil with her. 

Nursing the bottle of wine, her tears fell onto the shoulder she was leaning on. “Do you really think he’s dead?” You did not know what to say without sounding jealous, or selfish. She was grieving her friend, her partner in the Avengers, her closest confidant away from you. It was not right that you felt a bitter resentment for her mourning him. 

Yet, when she readjusted herself against you, all that you could remember was that she was also grieving her almost-lover. And that snapped something within you. “It wouldn’t matter either way, to me. Saves a whole lot of trouble for me and Matt if he got angry in the middle of New York.”

Perhaps it had been the way you phrased your words. Perhaps it had been the insensitivity of it all. Perhaps you let the surgeon-ego that you tried so hard to drop come surging back. Perhaps it had even been the double whammy of mentioning Matt to her. All that you knew then was she moved to throw her wine at you, cussing you out like she never had before, angry tears mixing with her screams. You could have avoided the red in your white shirt and brand new couch, you anticipated her movements way before she did, but you decided not to. Perhaps you deserved it, after all. 

And you did not deserve someone like Natasha. 

– 

A few years after Natasha, you met Stephen Strange. Or rather, you managed to meet the new Stephen Strange. It was at a networking event, about a year after his accident, and Stephen looked…normal. He looked better even, with white streaks in his hair and his hands perfectly mobile despite their surgery scars. 

Christine had informed you, of course, when he first got into his accident, and that there was nothing the hospital could do to save his hands. It reminded you of years before, when you got into yours, and how Christine refused to cut ties with you even after you left the medical field. Sometimes you wondered if you really deserved friends like her, and Matt, and people who refused to give up on you when you had given up on yourself. 

But Christine was not there that night. And as Stephen started sharing more and more about finding himself, and losing her, you found yourself finally beginning to find someone interesting for the night. There was a mutual understanding of wasted brilliance, regrets about the past, even the trauma and pain from both your accidents, and through it all, Stephen showed empathy and sensitivity you had not known from Stephen Strange the neurosurgeon. 

That night, you knew you were taking a risk, opening up yourself to someone after Natasha and Matt. But it was Stephen, and Stephen was the breath of fresh air you desperately needed then. He let you in that he was the Sorcerer Supreme, you let him in that you were Daredevil, and you no longer felt like a dirty secret like you were to Natasha. 

One thing led to another, and you found yourself soon setting up your apartment for a celebration of your first anniversary with him. The candles were lit, his favourite meal was prepared, and all that was missing was the shimmery orange portal he was due to open once he was done at the Sanctum. That, and the incessant, sudden ringing of your doorbell. 

“Calvin, I remember telling you last week that I am unavailable for our–” You stopped in your tracks. It was not Calvin, the boy with Fibromyalgia from Queens that you treated weekly. No, you could recognise the person from behind the door anywhere, even if it had been years since you last met her. 

“It’s me.”

“I know.” You were frozen; the ringing in your ears from painful realisation. There was someone else behind the door, an unfamiliar heartbeat. It prompted you to reach for your baton, but Natasha knew you. 

“It’s my sister. Can we come in, please?”

The door unlocked. You pulled them both in, smelling of grime and soot and old blood, eager to avoid any incidents with the neighbours. 

“You never told me you guys have been together for a year, Natasha,” the other woman pointed out, and both you and Natasha drew your attention to the bunting against the living room wall. Fuck, Natasha heard you mutter. 

“You guys can’t be here,” you quickly clarified, moving to block the bunting. Natasha’s face was burning red, you knew. “Please, leave.”

“You said your girlfriend–” Natasha’s sister began, to which the woman snapped her head towards. 

“–She’s not my girlfriend!”

“Or the love of your life, whatever,” you were getting more confused by the second, “Can be trusted. You said we’d be okay here.”

“I feel the need to interrupt,” you began, “But what is going on here? You,” you turned to Natasha, but she kept her face towards her sister, “You left me. We were done, you disappeared for years, and now you come back in here, bringing what I assume is your fugitive sister as well, saying my apartment is a safehouse? You are a wanted fugitive, especially here in New York, what made you think–”

“Because I have nowhere else to go.” You paused at the fragility of her voice. It sounded like it was going to break any second, as she leaned against your kitchen counter, head turned upwards to stop tears from appearing. “Because I have nowhere, and no one left. And we almost got killed in Budapest just a few days ago, we’ve barely had enough food and water, and we’re so tired. The Avengers are split into two, Steve is nowhere to be found, you are all I have left.”

She continued, “We’ll be gone by tomorrow morning. Just please…for tonight, let us sleep here. I know you hate me and probably wish you never met me, and that you think I treat your place like a bed and breakfast but…” Natasha did not know why the words but the reason I keep coming back is because I can never seem to stop loving you were stuck in her throat. 

She never got to finish her sentence anyway. Because in the next second, the aforementioned shimmery portal had materialised, and Stephen had walked through. Upon witnessing the scene before him, he tried very hard to mask his surprise at Natasha (whose face had not been on the forefront of welcoming news lately), as he stood protectively in front of you. 

Oh. If the small box he had been carrying had not been a dead giveaway, the way the man in front of her held your hand in reassurance and protection, informed Natasha that her heartbreak was imminent. It was who the Happy First Anniversary had been for. Admittedly, it was only fair. But also, fairness did not account for her heart physically hurting so much, then. 

“Sweetheart,” Natasha clenched her fists at the term of endearment from Stephen, “Unless my memory is playing tricks on me, I do not recall hiring fugitives for our anniversary entertainment tonight.”

–

In the end, as you snuck into the hotel room you had booked for her and Yelena that night, after a few gruelling hours of convincing Stephen to not turn them in, Natasha did not have the heart to tell you why she visited you after all. 

You had brought in your usual medical kit, and cheeseburgers, as Yelena had requested, for both of them. When her sister was in the bathroom, though, you snuck Natasha a pack of cigarettes with her favourite chocolate bar. Her heart squeezed at the fact that you remembered. 

When Yelena knocked out into the comfort of the first bed she had in days later on, you spent a few minutes in silence as Natasha watched her sister, equally in as many bandages as she. You were dressing the last of her wounds when she spoke.  “Does he treat you well?” 

Natasha heard a sigh from below, as she looked down at you between her knees. “Yes, Romanoff. He treats me well.”

“Good,” she swallowed the lump in her throat, “I’m happy for you. And I’m sorry we ruined your anniversary.”

“You always manage to come into my life in the most unexpected times,” you snickered, and before the string of apologies she was about to mumble, “But you are never unwelcome to me. You should know that.”

Natasha smiled. There it was, the warmth that you always managed to brew in her. The safety of your scent, the comfort of your touch. She didn’t know how she survived so long being apart from you. 

“Your ribs are still fucked.”

“He was going to propose tonight.”

You both said at the same time. Natasha’s knee immediately began bouncing in anxiety and embarrassment, and your lips parted in shock. 

“He wasn’t,” you tried to chuckle to ease the tension, “Don’t be ridiculous, Romanoff.”

“I saw the box,” Natasha clarified, “And…when you guys were busy arguing, Yelena opened it. I’m sorry.”

At your expression, Natasha leaned back in defeat. “I mean congratulations, of course. I’m happy for you,” she said again, as if saying it more would help her believe in it as well, “It was a beautiful diamond too.”

You got up from underneath her. “Stephen knows that I’m not…built for long-term relationships. He knows I’m incapable of committing to forever with him.”

“Well, believe it, because it’s going to become a reality soon,” Natasha tried to joke, but one look at your face immediately made her want to retract her sentence, “Unless…you don’t want to?”

She had never seen you look so small, so vulnerable. Your head was buried in your hands, hunched over the armchair opposite hers. It looked like your world was caving in on you. 

“Hey, hey…” she moved over, a hand on your back to try to soothe you, “...You okay?”

But that moment of vulnerability shattered soon when you realised where you were, and who you were with. No one can see you like this, what makes you think you are worth to be seen like this?

“I’m fine,” you jumped away from her touch, sending an arrow to Natasha’s already breaking heart. “I just…need time. Of course I want forever with someone.”

Just not with him. 

– 

It happened on a random Tuesday night. You had been walking home with Stephen after a dinner at Matt’s, months after the encounter with Natasha and Yelena, when the thought finalised in your head. It was only fair to him and you. 

“I can’t accept your proposal, Stephen.” The air was bitingly cold, but you had insisted on walking home to clear your head instead of portalling through. 

His grip on your hand tightened, but his tone remained steady. “It’s not like we’re getting married tomorrow, darling. And the ring isn’t going anywhere, you don’t have to decide tonight. You know I love you and I know you love me, so it doesn’t matter, even if it will take you a few more years to say yes.”

“No, no, that’s just it, Stephen. I can’t,” you stopped in front of him, letting go of his hand, “I can’t do this. I can’t do…forever with you. I can’t marry you.”

“Because…?”

You both knew the answer, but only Stephen was brave enough to voice it out. “Because you’re in love with someone else.”

It was the first time that you went to Natasha, instead of her coming to you. In the place that you signed off under your name for her and Steve, she received you. In the middle of the night, despite the pouring rain and the fact that the house was two hours away from the city, you came. 

You came, and when Natasha opened the door, all that you could say was, “Because I’m in love with you.”

–

“You don’t have to walk so fast,” Matt wheezed from behind you, adjusting his red-tinted glasses as you deliberately moved even faster. “It’s not that embarrassing!”

“It is! And I’m late for my lecture, God, why is NYU so far away from your office?” You knew you should not have gotten drunk and crashed at Nelson and Murdock’s the previous night, which also led to some drunk confessions that Matt distinctly remembered and you wished you didn’t, but game nights with Foggy and Karen always ended as such. 

“You said that you loved her, and that you would do anything for her,” Matt was controlling his second bout of laughing fits, “Even if she asked you to switch suits with her for a mission because hers was still ripped from your last…session.”

You suddenly stopped, having half a mind to hit him with your bag, but decided against it. “And you are–”

Your sentence was cut off by a low hum in the air. Matt’s back was against yours in the next second, both your senses triggered by that feeling of dread that settled in. 

“Avengers’ level?” He muttered.  “Definitely,” you replied, “But that doesn’t stop us from at least getting civilians to safety. We don’t want a repeat of Sokovia.”

The both of you split up as screams began ringing in the air, and you were on your way to help up a man trapped under a fallen street lamp when you felt it. You had not felt that heartbeat pumping against your ears in a while, but you could tell it apart from any.

Stephen Strange had been whizzed past by his cloak, unconscious, as something chased him. 

Immediately, you utilised the batons to give chase across the buildings, but you could only get so far. Throwing one of them towards his attacker, it lodged in the back of its neck, as its attention turned towards you in fury. 

“Pest!” The roar was definitely otherworldly, as Stephen's cloak noticed who had just helped them, and came swooping down to seek protection. But before you could react and draw back the baton, you missed the flying building being aimed straight towards you, separating you and Stephen once more. 

Next came the crash as it collided with your still falling body, effectively trapping and pinning you to the ground as you failed to avoid it in time. 

You groaned, feeling the wet squelching of blood against your helmet. “I fucking hate when they do that.”

It took Banner another few minutes to locate and drag you out, but by then, Stephen had been abducted into the giant donut in the air, and you were left behind, completely powerless and frustrated with your abilities. 

“Tony was in the middle of calling Steve,” Banner managed to wheeze, watching you remove your helmet and feeling your head for the exact location where the bleeding came from, “But things happened so fast and we didn’t get a chance. Are you…still in contact with Nat?”

You found the huge gash, and groaned as Banner applied pressure on it. It hurt almost as much as the shattered ribs. “They live in a safehouse signed under my name…so, yeah, I guess.”

He grinned. “So much for being just a nobody, Daredevil.”

–

“Natasha’s going to kill me, then you,” Steve’s voice rang in and out of your ears, whispering loudly to Banner, “When she comes home and sees her like this.”

“What was I supposed to do?! The big guy wouldn’t come out! And it was a building for God’s sake, Cap. She had no way of avoiding it either!” 

You rolled your eyes as you pressed the healing pack Steve still had from Tony further into your head wound, the brace against your ribs prohibiting you from simply walking away from their annoying argument. 

“Yeah, well, we can’t exactly hide it either,” Steve complained. 

“Hide what?” Came the voice of your girlfriend, her footsteps coming in hard and fast from the hallway. 

It was you who groaned before the both of them. Just great. 

When she saw the state you were in, along with Bruce and Steve in her house, the Black Widow did in fact, try to kill them in her rage. 

–

“No.”

“Natasha.”

“No.”

“Natasha, be reasonable.” You took one step forward, and she took one step back. 

“No!” She shook her head firmly, but her body language showed that even she was trying hard to convince herself. 

“You need me out there. You need me fighting again.” She was staring at your cast, her fingers tracing the necklace you got for her nervously. The battle ensued below, Wakanda’s defences were weakening, and the woman was still refusing to let you go down to fight with her. 

You managed a smirk, deciding to try a different method. “Scared I’ll beat you in battle, Romanoff?”

She snorted. “With your broken arm and ribs brace? I’m surprised you can even fit your head inside your helmet, Daredevil. You’re not going down there to fight, and that’s final.”

You fought anyway; when the battle became too overwhelming, when the Avengers were taking too many hits, and especially when you felt Natasha’s calm heartbeat begin to falter. Just wait until Matt hears about this, you thought. There was a first time for everything, including fighting aliens side by side with your angry, but thankful, girlfriend. 

But high hopes lasted briefly within the team. You heard once, from one of your patients, that the Avengers never lost, no matter what happened, but right then, feeling all the heartbeats around you suddenly disappear, all the shouts and screams silenced, the smell of blood and battle suddenly gone, you knew the Avengers had lost. And what a devastating defeat it was for everyone. 

You did not need to hear Natasha’s cry of horror to know that she had lost her family, once again. 

–

“And I’m sorry again, about Matt,” You hated what Melvin was about to say, but could not find it in your heart to ask him to stop talking. You had just come to drop off your suit for regular maintenance, not to get another sob story about your failure to save the world, and subsequently your best friend, too. 

“It’s fine, Melvin,” you managed to say, before stalking off. 

Lately, all you had been hearing was Matt would’ve been proud, or Stephen would’ve wanted to be here, or even You did all you could. Like hell you did, if you did do all you could, everyone would have been there right then. Half the planet would not have blipped, and you would not have to be the unlucky few that shouldered the guilt of surviving. 

When you got home later that night, Natasha was waiting for you by the dining table, the dinner she prepared cold and uneaten again. You cussed internally, forgetting once more about the date night you had promised her. Lately, it was one of the many instances that was triggering the stale state of your relationship. That, and the disappearance of almost all of yours and her family. 

“Sorry,” was the only word you managed to say. In response, Natasha shook her head, sighed, and began plating the food. 

You did not know when the strain exactly began, only that it was growing, to the point where it was getting insufferable. You barely came home most nights, out and about in the city beating up what was left of Manhattan’s criminals, refusing to treat more patients in fear that you would only see the faces of the people you could not save in them, and even began avoiding Natasha’s persistence to try to fix your relationship. It seemed like the blip left a larger impact on some than others. 

After dinner, while you were helping Natasha with laundry, she approached uneasily again. You sighed, knowing where the conversation was leading to (if not to go on another forsaken date night, it would be about talking, actually talking, about your relationship), and tried to walk away. But she was quicker, as she blocked your path before you could retreat to the bedroom. 

Deciding to get to the point before you could weasel your way out of another uncomfortable conversation, she announced, “I want to have kids.”

The air temperature suddenly began to rise. Natasha noticed the hesitation even in the way you were holding on to her towel. 

“I want us…to have kids. I want more, I want a family again. And for the past five years, you have been my family.”

A family won’t solve our issues, you wanted to say, but your heart knew Natasha would never be able to handle it. 

“I’m tired, Natasha, can we–”

“You can’t keep shelving our relationship aside whenever it’s convenient,” she cut you off, “You can’t keep running away, doing God-knows-what in this ruthless city in the dead of the night, just to fill the void in your heart!”

“This city, needs me, Natasha,” you bit back, equally as bitter, “You may be retired from your little Avengers club, and thank fuck that with Thanos snapping our population in half that you don’t have any Avengers-level threats, but this city…this city is starving, and never lonelier. That pushes people to do crime. I can’t give up my job because you have given up yours.”

Teary-eyed, Natasha suddenly embraced you, as if holding on for dear life. Tiredly, you held her back. It strangely felt so distant. 

“A kid’s not going to fix us, Natasha.”

“Then what will?”  

“Having them back.”

You had thought that was enough; that the conversation would end, and you were allowed to leave her hanging once more. But Natasha apparently had had enough. 

“So you’re just going to give up on us?! You’re not even going to try to fix this, whatever this is?”

Her footsteps came hard and fast, before you felt her grabbing you, and shaking you as she screamed, “Talk to me! Why won’t you talk to me? You can’t keep pushing me away and expect this to work, because in case you haven't noticed, I have feelings too!”

Natasha knew your eyes were cloudy from the accident, but right then, looking right into them, she swore that she never saw more heartbreak materialising from you. 

It took you another few weeks to come around. Weeks spent thinking, and eventually realising, that perhaps, Natasha was not so mistaken after all. Perhaps, you did deserve to want a family as much as she did. 

Needless to say that indeed, a child brought significant relief, and motivation, to both your lives. You agreed to tone down the night haunts around Manhattan, she agreed to stop trying so hard for a strayed away Clint, and although things were not perfect, they were as close to perfect as they could get, after all those years. 

Which was why the arrival of Scott Lang, and then subsequently, Tony Stark’s time-space GPS, was so unwelcome.

“What are you saying? That I’m being unreasonable?” Natasha confronted you, already preparing to leave. 

“I’m saying,” you held back, swallowing the cuss you were about to throw out in front of your daughter, “That you weren’t thinking! That you didn’t even bother to ask me, that you were once again trying to save the world, and risking our lives, our daughter’s life, at it too!” 

“So you’re telling me that I can’t go? That you won’t go with me?” She quipped, consciously closing the door to the nursery, “That you won’t even try to get Wanda, Sam, and everyone else back? To try to get Matt,” and then, as if it pained her, “and Stephen back?” 

“I wasn’t saying that…” Your breath drawled, fists already in your pockets. “I was just saying that you didn’t think this through. For a moment, it felt like you forgot that our family exists, that I exist. You have something to lose now, Nat. I have something to lose.” 

Natasha shut her eyes, before looking away. Inhaling deeply, you knew she was regretting how the conversation had gone. 

“I will try to help you as best as I can, but this is your mission, not mine, Nat,” you began walking away, “We have a family now. And someone has to stay behind, for our little girl.”

–

“Say see you later to Mama, sweetheart.”

Natasha bounced the child in her arms, giving her a kiss before handing her back to the nanny and requesting some time for the both of you. 

She knew you were still upset, as you stayed a distance away from her and the rest of the Avengers in their preparation to leave. Donned in her red and white spacesuit, she let out a small smile at the similarities it had to your all-red one. 

“Hey,” she sat beside you, watching your expression carefully, “You sure about this?”

“Someone has to hold down the fort until you guys get back,” you muttered, still facing straight ahead. 

“You know what I mean.” She moved to slowly lay her head on your shoulder, an olive branch for your forgiveness. 

You laid your own head on top of hers, an apology accepted. “I’m just worried, Nat. It seems a little…unrealistic.”

“Tony’s never been one to stick to convention,” she tried to make you laugh, but instead you moved to hold her hand. Your grip was frail and cold, the severity of the mission weighing you down in so many ways that words could not describe. 

“But I know you’re doing the right thing. That���s just the kind of person you are, and I love and respect you so much for that, you know I do,” you continued, “You’re getting Yelena, Peter, Wanda, everyone, back. I just wished the right thing wouldn’t hurt so much, sometimes.”

“I can stay behind, if it really worries you, dear.”

You shook your head, pressing a kiss on her forehead. “You and I both know that is not going to happen. They need you.”

Steve and Clint appeared then, giving the both of you a solemn look. It was time. 

You embraced Natasha tightly, as if her touch was fleeting. It strangely felt like a goodbye. 

“Come home, alright?” You smiled sadly when you noticed the tears welling up in her eyes, “Come home soon, and our family will be waiting for you. I’ll even prepare that shawarma you love so much.”

She laughed through the tears, kissing you right after. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She didn’t know it then, but all that was repeating in your head was, please, please come home. Please don’t make me lose another that I love. Please don’t be another one who leaves. 

–

But when the group came back and you sensed no heartbeat that was hers, your hands began getting cold and your heartbeat racing. 

“Clint, where’s Nat?” Had come from Banner, but you knew everyone was staring at you, especially Clint.

No, no, no. Clint had tears streaming down his face. You had just gotten back from a mission earlier, and were still in your suit. Gripping one of the batons especially hard, you asked, “Clint?”

“I’m…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence. You considered throwing your baton, considered beating the life out of him, considered screaming you promised me, moments before the time-travel, in the dingy smoking room and so vulnerable, that you would protect her. That you would make sure she was safe. That you would give your life for hers. But it was of no use. You knew all too well what it meant. 

Still, you managed to mumble, as if to Natasha somewhere, as if she would hear you and reconsider before giving up her life to save everyone else’s, to sacrifice herself because she thought it would hurt fewer people; 

“What about me?”

[ltwilliammowett]

Speaking as an embalmer, I'm also skeptical about the scrimshawed skull. Though admittedly not my skillset, the removal of skulls being more of a taxidermy thing and not something generally practiced on humans except in the context of medical schools, I'm really skeptical about someone's ability to preform the required tasks one the body of a friend to get the skull out of the skulls. Few enough modern embalmers are even comfortable embalming their own family. I find it really hard to think that someone would be able to remove all the skin from the outside AND the brain from the inside of a skull of their friend. And even if they were able to emotionally, I'm not sure that they'd be able to practically accomplish that while out at sea. But like I said that's more in the realm of taxidermy so I couldn't say. The line that goes around the skull on which the ship is sitting is looks like what you would expect from a cranial autopsy, but that's usually done with electric tools. Not sure about how or even if iit would have been done like that in 1868. I'd also be really interested in how the top portion of the skull was reattached. In short, I think you're right to doubt its authenticity. Hopefully this hasn't been too weird or creepy. I find my ability to judge what others might find unsettling isn't as great as it used to be before I started studying this stuff. Oh, and if you're interested in beautifully decorated skulls the Hallstatt Ossuary is absolutely gorgeous if you ever have the opportunity to visit.

Hi, first of all you don't sound creepy at all- I like that because I'm not an embalmer but a sepulchral archaeologist I work with mummies and the dead of all kinds. So hello mate ;) And yes, I know the Hallstatt skulls, I've even worked with them.

I agree with your objections, but let me tell you, whalers were very good at taking whales and other animals apart and processing their bones. And with a surgeon on board, a clean opening of the skull was no problem, which by the way has been around since ancient times, albeit with saws.

Whether one was emotionally capable of removing the skull of a comrade, cleaning it and boiling it is another matter, and at that time the moral concepts were again very Christian and conservative, so it is difficult to imagine that one would have done this to a comrade, especially since what were the men planning to do? To bring the skull to the poor mother or widow and say - well, unfortunately he didn't make it but here's the rest of him, even decorated, you can put him on the fireplace, was nice to meet you ma'am have a nice day-. Not really - but well ... sometimes ... Well, let's not go there, it just sounds too weird.

It's hard to imagine, but collectors at that time had completely different ideas and walked over dead bodies (in the truest sense of the word) to get a great story and a great exhibit, even if they bought a skull and had it decorated by a Sailor or Whaler. So I assume the latter. But a good story sells well and brings in a lot of money. And the Victorians were strange as hell and very morbid, death was something quite fascinating for them and was already blooming in very weird ways. I'm just saying mummy unwrapping parties, memorials of the burial site made of hair and teeth of the dead etc.

[princess-of-thebes-1995]

I love this movie. Edipo re. God the actress playing Jocasta is so beautiful. And the actor playing oedipus is handsome.

Anyway, this scene and music really speaks to me. I also have a weird pleasure. I like watching women breast feed. I find it lovable. The bond between her and her baby. What do you think?

..................

You were in Germany and your triplets were almost three months old. That's right. You returned to earth. Thanks to your studies of Pandora plants.

You helped cultivate earth. Well, not just you. Many scientists returned to earth after the battle.

The battle that costed the life of the Colonel.

The father of your children.

Here you were. A young single mom and widow. You were married to him by law. Since you were forced to sign a marriage certificate. You were legally Mrs. Miles Quaritch. The fallen Marine soldier who sacrificed for humanity.

What a lie. He died for humans. Not humanity.

Maybe if it was not for his wrong beliefs, you might have loved him. But, he was rude to anyone who didn't agree to his opinions. Like your fellow scientists. So... You shook your head. Nah. You could never love an arrogant prick like him.

You admitted you were attracted by his looks. He looked so young despite his age. He would have tricked people thinking he was in his early forties or late thirties if it were not for his gray hair.

Maybe you lusted after him. That was the closest of romantic feelings.

He baby trapped you to never leave him. But, he left you instead. His remaining family members welcomed you with open arms. They joked how you didn't look nothing like your babies. Not even Isabella Maria. Might as well look like a kidnapper.

You inherited a cottage from the late colonel. He made a will before he died. All assets to you. Even his mother's wedding ring. It melted your heart and made you feel guilt. He must have loved you.

But, would he have loved you have you not been lovely? You thought not. He probably just lusted you.

You were quiet as you used a stroller to ride your babies around a garden close to the cottage. It was filled with thick trees and dark green grass. It was so refreshing away from the city life.

Ironic that Quaritch wanted to industrialize Pandora yet own farms and cottages.

The Colonel was a stubborn and hypocritical tyrant.

You hoped your sons won't be like him later. You looked down at the blonde baby on your lap. You placed your other two babies on a blanket next to you on the grass. You were breast feeding Miles first then will switch to the others when done.

The first born son was sucking the milk straight out. He was always the rowdiest. A little tiger. Energetic too.

You were scared of Miles the most. You hoped he wouldn't join the Marines.

He reminded you of Quaritch the most. Val was second. Luckily, Isabella Maria acted like you. Princess like.

You looked up and stared at the distance. You had a strange feeling in your heart all of a sudden. Like something bad and evil will happen in the future. But when? Foreboding. You titled your head in confusion. You felt this feeling once before. Almost two years ago at the base in Pandora....

You saw a man in a wheelchair who looked lost. You offered him help. You knew where the orientation room was. So, you pushed his wheelchair there. A tall and muscular man was walking around and speaking.

You tried to leave. He ordered you to stay despite not working under him. You obeyed. He felt out of place. You weren't a soldier. You were the youngest medic scientist. You came two weeks ago at the base from earth. You were kind of new. But being a scientist had no orientation sessions like this. That was why you never met the head of security.

He suddenly stopped walking then stared down at you. You then felt it the first time. You were sadly ogled all your life since birth. A damn ornament and sex object.

People assumed you had an easy life for being the most lovely.

They were wrong indeed.

He looked different than the other perverts. He looked as if he was... Insane. Hungry to the core. He looked as if he wanted to murder you. Despite his job of protecting you. Keeping you alive. He announced he will not succeed for all.

You must be one of the casualties then. He looked as if he will not protect you from himself.

You were starting to regret coming to the base away from your father. Being alone and unprotected.

You lowered your eyes to submit to his cold piercing eyes. You gulped in nervousness. You wanted to go home.

"understand, my dear?" He asked mocking and teasing you.

You looked up and bit your lips. You nodded.

He raised a brow. "I want words, doll." He sternly ordered.

You felt yourself pale in fear. An ugly shiver dances down your spin. "yes, sir."

He grinned in amusement. There was something sadistic on his smile. Like he won a victory against you. Like you lost a challenge when you don't remembering entering one. You wished you were with Grace and Trudy. You met them the first week you came. They seemed to like you. The closest to being friends on this weird planet.

Max and beth seemed to accept you.

But, they were weak staff members. And this Colonel had power.

He nodded. "Good girl." He then spun around with his muscular back towards you and talked again before humiliating a skinny man who was dozing off.

After dismissing the room. You were ordered to stay again. He asked you for your name and occupation. He looked disappointed and offended when he realized you were a scientist. You noticed how almost all soldiers were rude to the scientists. He must have been one of them.

"Let me walk you to the labs. It's dangerous for a lady to wonder alone." He flashed you his white teeth. It didn't looked genuine.

You forced a smile that was not real as well. You wanted to refuse. You rather risk being alone than be with him. But your better judgement made you agree.

Now in the present, you wondered what will happen in the future.

Au. I got this scene from this yandere Quaritch series called infatuation. I hope the author will not be mad that I copied her. I really love that series. Her name is nervoused. She inspired many stories of mine. Go support her.

[currentlyfckingurmom]

Beneath the Wreckage (part 1)

Natasha Romanoff x female OC

Prologue:

An eerie silence filled the sheltered forest. From the trees towering over their heads to the moss covering the ground, everything was consumed in green. The moss did a fine job of muffling their footsteps, which was greatly appreciated, given the circumstances. The only sound for miles was the heavy breathing and frustrated grunts coming from the small blonde woman, who was currently dragging her unconscious counterpart through the dense forest.

The blonde leaned the redheaded woman against a thick tree and pulled out her compass. According to the instructions she was given, there should be a safe house exactly where she’s standing. She knelt down to tighten the bandage on her sister’s bloody abdomen. She failed to notice the silent footsteps approaching her from behind. She did notice, however, the cocking of a gun, which is exactly what the other woman had intended.

“Hands in the air. Turn around slowly,” came a low, calm voice. The blonde complied, but quickly drew her own gun and aimed it at the other woman’s head.

“Who are you?” The blonde’s voice was even, but her heart was pounding, and her mind was racing with concern for her sister’s condition.

“You don’t need to know that. What are you doing here? Who sent you?”

The blonde gestured with her head to the redhead on the ground behind her. “She did. She needs medical attention immediately. I’m looking for a woman who can help us. Does anyone live around here?” The blonde had a sneaking suspicion that the woman in front of her had much to do with Natasha’s vague description of an ally they could rely on, but it would be reckless to assume.

“Lower your weapon and I’ll do the same,” the woman said, still unnervingly calm with a stony expression, “On three.” The blonde nodded and began counting.

“One.” Both women removed their fingers from the trigger.

“Two.” The synchronized click of the safeties being flicked on echoed through the woods.

“Three.” Both guns were lowered slowly and tucked into their respective holsters.

The mysterious woman raked her eyes over the limp body of the redhead, before returning her gaze to the blonde in front of her. The woman’s face showed the first sign of emotion as a small smirk spread across her lips. The blonde certainly hadn’t expected the next words that came from her mouth, but they changed everything.

“You’ve grown up, Lena. Let’s get your sister fixed up.” As they picked up Natasha’s limp body, Yelena could’ve sworn that she saw a look of longing—and something that almost looked like love—cross over the other woman’s face, but it left as soon as it came.

Chapter One: Ireland:

32 HOURS EARLIER; BELGIUM:

“Target is on the move, I’m going in.”

“Natasha, no. You’d be going in completely blind.”

“Too late, almost to the door.”

“Идиот! Just wait, I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Breaching in 3...2…” A loud thud sounded through the comms, followed by a series of grunts and a flurry of gunshots. Yelena ran toward the apartment as fast as she could, but she would never make it in time. She could tell by the sounds of struggle through the comms that there had been more Widows than they anticipated. ‘She’s going to get herself killed. This is why you don’t go in blind,’ Yelena thought to herself as she sprinted up the stairs in the apartment complex.

The gunshots no longer rang out through her earpiece, and Yelena’s stomach dropped at the possibility of losing Natasha right after she finally got her back.

“Natasha, what is your status? Say something, dammit! Natasha!”

Yelena stormed through the front door and raked her eyes over the apartment. There were three unconscious Widows laying on the ground. She saw a blob of red hair on the kitchen floor from the corner of her eye, but she refused to look, afraid of what she might see. She quickly checked the small apartment for threats before hastily making her way into the kitchen. She knelt down beside the unconscious woman and her hands hovered over her sister’s body, afraid of making anything worse.

She quickly snapped out of her hesitancy and put pressure on the gunshot wound. It was bleeding a lot, but not so much that Natasha was going to bleed out (well, as long as she got medical attention). She carefully rolled Natasha onto her side to check for an exit wound— there wasn’t one, which meant the bullet was still buried somewhere inside Natasha’s abdomen.

She grabbed some kitchen towels and quickly tied them around Natasha’s stomach in a makeshift bandage.

Yelena dragged the passed-out Widows into one pile and cracked a vial of the Red Dust over their heads— there was now only one vial remaining.

She returned to Natasha’s side and repeatedly tapped her cheek, trying to wake her up. After a few fairly hard slaps, Natasha’s eyes fluttered open, a pained groan immediately falling from her lips.

“Good morning, сестра. Nice of you to finally join the land of the living. I’m going to pick you up now. I need you to work with me here,” Yelena said as she awkwardly wrapped one of Natasha’s arms around her shoulders. Without any warning, she lifted Natasha until she was standing, not that the redhead could support much of her own weight.

“Oh! Fuuu…” Natasha’s exclamation of pain trailed off into a groan that almost sounded like a whine.

“Oh, suck it up. If you had just stuck to the plan, we wouldn’t be in this situation,” Yelena grumbled as they slowly made their way out of the apartment.

“Well, I got to the Widows, so it didn’t turn out horribly.”

“You got shot in the stomach! The bullet is still inside you! You’re going to need surgery, Natasha. I really don’t think Mason knows how to work a scalpel. And it’s not like we can just waltz into a hospital— we’re still fugitives, remember.” After the fall of the Red Room, Ross had let them get away, but he wouldn’t clear their names. Something about it damaging his reputation.

“Just give me a minute to think of something, Yelena.” The blonde gave a tilted nod and muttered ‘okay’.

It was quiet the whole way back to the vehicle. Yelena laid her older sister down in the backseat before climbing in the front. “So where to?”

“I know someone, an old friend. She’ll be able to do the operation and give us a place to lay low. She might even be able to replicate the counteragent.”

“It’s called the Red Dus-”

“Oh, will you shut up? I’m not calling it that,” Natasha complained, cutting her off.

“It’s catchy and you know it. So do I get a name or are you going to be all mysterious and vague?” “I happen to think ‘mysterious and vague’ is fun.”

“Seriously? You’re not gonna tell me anything about this woman? Do I know her?”

Natasha hesitated before answering. “You used to. We both did. Drive us back to the safehouse, the information is all there.”

Knowing that she wouldn’t get any more information at the moment, Yelena put the car in drive and started toward the safehouse. The Widows in the area had been much more active lately, so the Russian duo was planning on moving again soon, anyway. They were fairly certain that the Widows had been tracking them. Natasha and Yelena had freed countless Widows already, but there were still many left.

After a short drive, Yelena pulled up to the safehouse. She turned around to face Natasha, and was met with closed eyes and shallow breathing.

“Natasha? Are you awake?”

“Mhm,” she hummed, “I don’t think I can get inside the safehouse. Just help me into a different vehicle and go in by yourself.” “Okay, fine,” Yelena replied shortly. She exited the vehicle and broke into an SUV with dark-tinted windows. She walked back to the car and half-carried Natasha into the SUV, laying her down in the same position as before.

“There’s a cardboard box— a little smaller than a shoebox. It has a letter and a burner phone inside. That’s what we need. It's hidden beneath the floorboards under my bed; grab it and get out.”

“Got it. Just stay here and don’t move. I really don’t need you bleeding out on me while I’m gone,” Yelena said with a smirk before closing the car door.

She entered the small apartment and went directly to the shared bedroom. There were only two small twin beds with rock-hard mattresses, but it was better than nothing. She knelt down beside Natasha’s bed and wiggled the loose floorboard out. She reached inside and felt around, pulling out a cardboard box. She quickly opened it to confirm its contents, then shut it and left the room.

She grabbed the emergency duffle bag with food, medical supplies, identities, and weapons, as well as a bottle of vodka, before leaving the safehouse. She walked back to the SUV at a careful pace; fast enough to save time, but not fast enough to raise suspicion.

She climbed into the driver’s seat and threw the box and duffle bag next to Natasha. “There you go. Fix yourself up a little bit while I drive. Speaking of which, where the hell am I going?”

Natasha handed Yelena the slip of paper from the box and said, “There should be a safehouse at those coordinates, as well as someone we can trust.”

“The mysterious and vague woman?”

“Yeah, her. Drive to the private airport on the edge of town, I have a small plane parked there for emergencies. They won’t question you about anything. Stop in the UK to fuel up— there are reliable airports marked on a map inside the plane. Then fly to Ireland and land as close as possible to those coordinates, even if it means a controlled crash. The forest is dense in that area, so we’ll have to finish it on foot. If I pass out and you need to leave me behind, do it. The important thing is that you get-”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. What the hell are you talking about, Natasha? I’m not going to leave you anywhere. And why are you talking like you’re going to die?” Yelena was trying desperately to keep her voice from breaking, but it trembled, nonetheless. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she was shaking her head in disbelief.

“We both know I might not make it out of this, Lena. Even if I do, chances are I’ll pass out pretty soon from blood loss. Just remember everything I told you, okay?” The blonde huffed out a sharp breath before saying, “Okay.”

[ayameric]

In Your Head | N. Romanoff

YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WORK UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

Summary: In which Y/N is trapped in her own head, and it’s up to Natasha to get her out.

TW: Schizophrenia, suicidal themes, major character death. Please read with caution. (If I have missed any, please let me know.)

MAIN MASTERLIST

Pathetic. 

Worthless. 

That’s what you are, did you know that? All of this power, wasted on a useless being. You have no right to be here.  

“Y/N, you with us?”

Your head snapped up from the slightly sunken position you had slumped in. 

“Y-yeah, sorry, Cap.” You quickly apologised, feeling the heat from everyone around the meeting table stare at you. 

Steve carried on speaking, but there was only one voice you could hear. 

Voices. 

Seemingly from nowhere, but so surreal it felt as though they were talking right beside you. 

It was getting hard to tell the difference now. 

You were relatively new to the Avengers, only having been at the compound now for a few months. 

During a mission, the team found you locked away in a fortified cell of an old Hydra compound. They saw the fragile person in front of them, and took you in immediately. 

They were also soon to find out about your powers, the ability to teleport and wield supernatural strength and agility. 

You were a great asset to the team, but you didn’t know that. 

Natasha looked at you softly from opposite the table as your gaze dropped again, noticing your mind going elsewhere. 

Something had been going on ever since you got here, and it wasn’t getting any better. 

In fact, she had brought it up to Tony and Bruce, but they figured it was just jitters around being in a new environment. Natasha knew it was something else. 

You were jittery, that much was true, but you seemed, off. Despite the fact you had passed all your medical, Bruce had deemed you physically fit and healthy. So what could it be?

The Widow gave it time, just to make sure. Maybe it was just settling in that you were struggling with, and you certainly weren’t the most vocal person, so maybe you just felt a little lonely. 

Not wanting to assume the worst, that was the fence she leaned on. But in the back of her mind, she knew that there was something wrong. But maybe, if she built that bridge with you, you’d tell her what was going on. 

The team were quite fond of you. Quiet, shy and a little clumsy, but overall very loveable. They wanted you to come out of your shell, but would never force you. 

The meeting continued on, and eventually Steve dismissed everyone to go about their business for the day. 

Natasha noticed that you practically sprung out of your seat, heading for the door. But she managed to grab your hand just before you could rush off to wherever. (Most likely your room, you spent a lot of time in there.)

“Hey, where you rushing off to?” Nat asked with a small smile, as she loosened her grip on you, dropping your hand. 

“My…my room.” You told her, but your voice was quiet. As it usually was. 

“Well, me and Wanda were gonna go and watch some TV if you wanted to join?” Natasha asked hopefully, praying you’d say yes. Partially because she knew she’d have Wanda quizzing her on whatever was going on in the show, but mostly because she wanted to spend time with you. 

Your face scrunched a little, and your eyes flickered around the hallway, refusing to meet Natasha’s gaze. 

“Maybe.” You shrugged, scratching the back of your neck. 

“Okay, whatever then you fucking freak.”

Did Natasha really just say that to you?

“L/N?” The redhead called your name softly, a tone so untypical of her that it made you look at her, properly this time. 

It was getting so much worse. 

“I’ll see you later.” You mumbled, walking off in the direction of your room before the assassin could say anymore. 

A few more weeks had passed and yet still, the team had made no progress with you. 

Wanda’s invites for cooking, Tony’s offers to come into the lab, nor Sam’s temptation to go for drinks. 

Nothing. 

You couldn’t. Something inside your brain was holding you back. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to spend time with these people, but your warped version of reality had truly brought you to your knees. 

It had always been like this, the talking in your ear when no one was around. The comments, the conversations happening inside your head only for you to hear. 

Hydra used to numb you up, drug you until you couldn’t feel. 

But now you were free, and those voices came back with a relentless vengeance. 

They’ll give up on you. Soon enough. Or they’ll watch you die. 

It was late, you were in bed but you couldn’t rest. You hadn’t slept properly in ages. No meds meant the voices were active all hours of the day, leaving you riddled with sleepless nights. 

Should’ve stayed in that cell, moron. 

They wouldn’t stop. They just wouldn’t stop. 

You shut your eyes, feeling hot tears well up behind your eyelids as you held your head in an attempt to shut them up. But it was no use. 

That was how you spent your nights. Praying that your own head would stop trying to drive you insane, to the point where you felt so irreversibly uncomfortable in your own skin.

Maybe dying in that cell would’ve been a better fate. 

That way, the voices would stop. 

Unbeknownst to you, someone else in the compound also had trouble sleeping. Natasha had long since given up trying to rest that evening, her own mind running on overdrive. She wandered to the balcony of her room, staring out into the forest that the building overlooked. 

It was a beautiful night. 

Nat thought you were beautiful too. 

God, she wanted to get through to you so badly. Because she knew that feeling, that solace. She had lived and it was awful, and she didn’t want you to deal with it, not when you didn’t have to. There was a group of people just like you, ready to welcome you into the family with open arms, but you didn’t want it. 

That’s what it felt like. 

But the Widow knew better. Someone like you, someone who’s been through so much would push people away for fear of trusting the wrong person again. 

But she was going to prove to you that she was worthy of your trust, worthy of you. 

“Morning, Y/N.” Wanda smiled brightly as you padded into the kitchen. 

“Morning.” You offered a weak smile before walking over to the cupboards to grab a glass. 

It wasn’t early, around 9AM, but most people in the tower were up well before you. 

Wanda saw the bags under your eyes, and it broke her heart. 

There was only a few people actually in the kitchen, you, Wanda, Vision, Steve and Tony. 

Vision and Tony were wrapped up in a conversation by the floor length windows, whilst Steve was sat at the island eating his cereal, flipping through the newspaper. 

Steve paused his movements briefly as you walked in, observing you.

“L/N, you feel like training this afternoon?” He asked you, a bright smile on his face. 

You turned to look at him, but you didn’t answer straight away. In fact, you looked at him with almost shock in your eyes, but didn’t let the feeling express visibly on your face. 

But just as quickly as the look appeared, it was gone. 

“Sure.” You answered him, but your expression was unreadable. 

You hurried out of the kitchen after that. 

“What was that?” Steve asked aloud, clearly to Wanda who subtly watched the exchange. 

“I-I don��t know.” The witch pulled a furrowed brow. “She seems almost…afraid of us.” 

Steve really didn’t know what to say. It had been months, surely you weren’t afraid of them? Had they given you any reason to be?

“She hasn’t trained with any of us before, maybe she was nervous?” He asked hopefully, noting that now Tony and Vision had walked over, noticing the tension in the room. 

“Talkin’ about Y/N?” Stark asked, and Wanda nodded, and the man sighed. 

“We must get through to her. If not for the team, then for her own sake.” Vision surmised, and the others agreed. 

“What more can we do?” Tony asked, knowing that it wasn’t for lack of trying. 

You had headed to the gym at lunchtime, upon Steve’s request this morning. Having trained on your own over the past few months, you knew you were going to have to train with the others eventually. 

So you would grin and bare it. 

Entering the room in workout gear, the only person you saw in the room was Natasha. She noticed you, even with your quiet steps. 

She turned around immediately, a smile appearing on her face as she saw you. 

“Oh, hey Y/N.” The woman smiled, and you stayed near the door cautiously. 

“Um, Steve- Steve said to come by for training?” You asked, wondering if he was just running late. 

“Yeah, he got called out to meet with the US Secretary with Sam, so…” Natasha explained, and you nodded slightly. “But, we could train, if you’d like? I promise I’ll go easy on you.” 

Her joke made you smirk slightly, and Natasha’s chest warmed. She didn’t see you smile much, so this was small progress. 

You and Natasha begun sparring. You weren’t great with close combat, since you were trained to stick to the shadows. 

Natasha was patient with you, calm, helpful. 

In truth, the redhead made you nervous. The Black Widow, an infamous assassin. Who wouldn’t be? But of course, you were nervous around everyone, but the redhead more so. 

She was so beautiful, a deity sent from above, stood before you. It was safe to say you were harbouring a slight crush. 

Especially overhearing conversations about how Natasha is only ever this soft with you. 

As far as your sparring had gone, it had kept you distracted. You were focused on vaulting the Widow’s attacks, and with your mind elsewhere, it seemed as though the voices had quietened. 

You managed to find a gap in Natasha’s stance as she lunged at you, and you swept her leg, sending her down. 

Natasha looked up at you, slightly breathless with a smirk on her face. 

“Nice work, Y/N.” She said genuinely, and your heart thumped against your rib cage. 

Don’t be ridiculous, how could she ever love you? 

You are a hazard. Nothing more than a fucking liability. 

Your happiness disappeared quickly, like water down a drain as the voices turned themselves back up. 

Natasha stood up, dusting herself off before placing a hand on your shoulder, albeit cautiously. 

“Seriously, that was really good.” Natasha looked at you, and in such close proximity, it was hard to avoid her beautiful green eyes. “I’m glad we’ve got you around, y’know?” 

You didn’t know. They would never let you believe that. 

“Uh, thanks” You managed to spit out, and Natasha’s smile fell at your tone. You had turned your attention to your hands, where you began unwrapping the tape that was around them. 

One minute you were okay, the next you weren’t. That’s what Nat noticed. 

“Y/N?” The redhead called your name, still unmoving from her position in front of you. You looked up at her, if only briefly. “Is…is everything okay? Like, here, with us and the team.”

The question shouldn’t have caught you off guard considering your behaviour, but yet it still did. 

You struggled for an answer, but the voices in your head had plenty for you.

“Mhm.” You managed to nod to her, hoping that she would just let you go. 

“You do know I’m a spy, right? I can see right through your bullshit.” Her tone was a little sharper now, and Natasha knew this. She felt bad, but her frustration was getting the better of her. 

“I-I’m fine, I swear.” You tried, but the woman folded her arms and even teleporting wouldn’t get you out of this. “Just, getting used to everything.” 

You lied. You told her what she wanted to hear. 

She doesn’t believe you, they’re never going to trust you. 

They’re going to kick you out, leave you for dead. 

“Please, Y/N, don’t shut us out. We want to help you, let us do that.” Natasha’s stern tone had faltered, leaving it behind all together. “I know what it’s like to feel alone, but you don’t have to be. Please, let me be there for you.” 

You looked at her, sadness in your eyes. 

“Okay.” You offered back weakly, your bottom lip wobbling slightly. 

Maybe things would be okay. Just maybe. 

Things did get better, in fact. 

Natasha became relentless in her attempts to hang out with you. She told you that it was mandatory, which made you laugh. 

Natasha loved your laugh. It was a rarity, so whenever she heard it, she treasured it. Just like your smile. 

But she made it her own personal mission to make you do those things more often. 

Weeks passed by, and spending time with Natasha became more frequent. It started with training in the gym, then you would wake up a little earlier to have breakfast with the team, sometimes you would even eat dinner with them instead of option to eat in your room. 

Of course, everyone noticed this change, and they all looked to Natasha in amazement. 

You had called it a night just after the team finished dinner, since they were all heading to have a movie night in the common area.

“So, Romanoff, how’d you do it?” Tony asked out of nowhere as everyone began settling down to watch the movie Clint had picked out. 

“Do what?” She asked half-heartedly, more focused on getting comfy on the couch beside Wanda. 

“Y/N. I don’t think she’s ever been more sociable with us until recently. And I’ve got a hunch it’s something to do with you.” He deduced proudly, to which Natasha scoffed. 

“A hunch?” She mocked, now finally looking at the billionaire. 

“Okay, fine. But you can’t deny she hangs out with you the most out of all of us!” He pointed out, to which everyone agreed. “Which is like, crazy, considering you’re really mean.” 

Wanda sent a pillow flying at his head for that comment.

“Have you ever considered maybe I’m just mean to you?” Natasha teased back with a grin on her face, causing some of the boys to holler. 

“I am, offended. I put a roof over your head!” Tony defended himself dramatically, making a few of the team sat around the room laugh. 

“Mhm, don’t call me for backup the next time your suit rusts up, tin-man.” 

Clint shushed them, and the lights were turned off and the movie began to play. 

But Natasha couldn’t stop thinking about you. Over the past few weeks, she saw glimpses of you, the real you, begin to show through the cracks. And she’d be damned if she didn’t get to see the real you, because she you’d be incredible. 

You smiled a little more, and noticed that the nervous Y/N she first met started to become a more confident, happier person. 

Natasha knew herself well. Well enough to know she had accumulated feelings for you. You were attractive to her, not just physically, but emotionally. 

You were a nice change of pace, from the large egos (besides Wanda, of course) around the compound. Your quiet demeanour was welcoming to her. 

There was a common thing between you, having similar backgrounds and lives but there was something more than that. She just felt, at ease around you for some inexplicable reason. 

But for once, she didn’t raise a brow and put up her defences. She wanted to be comfortable around you. 

 Natasha just wanted to be with you. 

You had been with Avengers for a year now, and you were finally cleared for your first real mission.

The team had hoped this moment would’ve come sooner, but your struggle to settle in set you back. But better late than never. 

A relatively simple mission, a small Hydra base that was still functioning. You had insider knowledge, alongside Bucky, which would prove useful.

Steve and Natasha were careful to assign you to the mission. Knowing that going back to somewhere like this could potentially be a real detriment to you, they didn’t want to risk you pushing them away again. 

But on a cold evening, one where you and Natasha had spent together in your room, watching a movie on her laptop. 

You weren’t a fan of large crowds, and you weren’t all there yet to join in on the team’s movie nights. So, Natasha skipped one night and showed up at your door, computer in hand asking if you wanted to watch something with her. 

So there you were, laying beside her, a little stiff. Sure, you had touched her before, whether it was her grabbing your hand in passing or sparring in the gym. 

But this was different. 

During a particularly slow part of the movie, Natasha dared to speak. 

“Steve and I are thinking about putting you on for your first mission.” Natasha stated, and you looked at her. 

“Yeah?” There was a mix of excitement and shock in your eyes, clearly you weren’t expecting field duty anytime soon. 

“Yeah, but, this mission… it’s Hydra.” Nat told you, her tone quiet as to gauge your reaction, knowing it was a touchy subject. 

She studied your face as you were thinking, digesting what she said. 

“You don’t have to, of course. We think you’re ready, though but we won’t put you at risk, Y/N.” She said softly, but you could only focus on the way she said your name. 

You could listen to it forever. 

“No…I- I wanna do it. I can help you guys.” You said, your confidence growing as you spoke. 

Natasha smiled at your revelation, and you smiled back too.

“I’ll let Steve know.” Nat said, noticing your gaze move back to the movie. 

You felt your eye lids getting heavy, since you still weren’t sleeping great and even the voices in your head must’ve grown tired at this point. 

Without realising, you had sleepily cuddled against Natasha, snuggled up beside her. 

Natasha didn’t say anything, but she revelled in that connection with you. It gave her a feeling of warmth and love she would chase to the ends of the earth. 

As the movie finished, you were out like a light, and Nat closed the laptop down, ready to leave. But your unconscious grip on her shirt kept her down, allowing her to sleep beside you with a protective arm over your waist during the night. 

It was the best either of you had slept in a long time. 

Natasha had kept the voices at bay recently. Just being around her provided you a solace like no other. You felt safe, content. No screaming voices in your head, since Natasha had unknowingly blocked them out for you. 

But back in current day, you were sat on a quintet clad in a tactical suit, your leg nervously bouncing against the metal floor. 

You had been training for months, you were ready for this. 

You’re gonna die out there. 

Shaking your head, you felt a disturbance beside you. Next thing you know Natasha was sitting beside you and placing a hand on your knee. 

“You okay?” She asked tentatively. 

“Yeah, I think so.” You sighed, not being able to hide the nervousness in your voice. 

Natasha just squeezed your leg lightly. 

“It’s gonna be fine. I’ll be right beside you the whole time.” She smiled warmly at you. 

“Promise?” 

The Widow chuckled. 

“I promise.” As she kissed you on the cheek, leaving a burning sensation from her touch. 

And she kept true to her promise. The jet landed in a forest clearing just a while out from the base, and you happily cut out all the walking by teleporting closer to the base. 

Tony and Sam went overhead and scanned the building, checking for number of hostiles. 

You and Natasha would be sent through to infiltrate, retrieve data from the control room and get out whilst the rest of the team dealt with the Hydra agents. 

Simple enough. 

Everything was going to plan, you and Nat had entered through a vent, and were taking out guards in your path.

You were almost at the control room, when Steve called through the comms that a silent alarm had been tripped, and there were guards headed to your location. 

He yelled something about coming in for backup, but there was no time as Hydra guards came rushing at you from all angles. 

You dove down, practically on top of Nat to protect her from the incoming fire by a nearby wall. 

“Get to that control room! I can hold them off!” Natasha exclaimed above the sounds of guns firing. 

But you shook your head, frowning. 

“I’m not leaving you!” You told her, but Natasha just jabbed you in the shoulder. 

“Go, Y/N! That’s an order!” And you relented, using your powers and teleporting off. 

You appeared in the room, finding it to be empty as most of the agents had converged on you and Nat. 

“Do we have the drive?” Tony asked down communications in your ear. The ear piece was uncomfortable, and now you had to deal with even more voices. 

“Got it.” You confirmed, and immediately went back to Nat. You found her, leaning against the wall, having taken out most of the agents. 

But then you saw her clutching at her lower right side, blood coating her hands and darkening her suit. 

No, no, no!

You could see Natasha had gone pale, but still conscious. But she wouldn’t be for long. 

Keeping in cover, you pressed your hand above Nat’s, applying more pressure to the wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding. 

Natasha lazily looked at you as you touched her, becoming dizzier by the second. 

“Shit! I- I’m sorry, Natasha. L-let me get you out of here.” You rambled, attempting to pick her up, and noticing the discomfort on her face. “Steve! Nat…Nat‘s been injured.” 

You told him with disappointment in your tone, disappointment in yourself. 

Never should have left her. 

It should be you bleeding out in this hallway. 

You squeezed your eyes closed, the talking in your ear becoming too much. You groaned, yanking out your earpiece in an attempt to gain some silence, before bending down and pulling the Widow into your arms bridal style. 

Without thinking, you began bolting down the hallway, your powers failing you as you couldn’t concentrate enough to use them. 

You heard more soldiers, and gun fire from behind you. It was followed by several sharp, stinging blows to your back. It sent you to stumble, but you stayed on your feet. You were going to get Natasha out Alice, even if it killed you. 

The pain in your back only grew, but you would be fine. 

You prayed Steve and Bucky had cleared outside of Hydra agents, because you weren’t sure how many more bullets you could take. 

Shoulder-barging through the final door, a wave of cold air hit your face as you saw Steve and Bucky rush over to you. 

Steve took an unconscious Natasha from your arms, and despite the horrible pain coursing through you, you could only stare on as you watched the person you cared about most in the world get carried away. 

You did this to her. 

You should never have left her. 

This time, you couldn’t shut the voices out. Or you didn’t want to, because they were right. 

Hear something enough, and eventually, you’ll begin to believe it. But you saw with your own eyes what a failure you were, and now you knew your head was right. 

Natasha woke up feeling rather groggy in the hospital, her eyes blinking rapidly to adjust to the bright lights overhead. 

She pushed herself up, noting there were several wires and tubes attached to her. 

Aching, and definitely feeling that pain in her side now. She remembered what happened, how you saved her life. 

Where were you? 

Natasha wanted nothing more right now than to see your face. 

But instead she got Steve. 

“How are you feeling?” The blonde man asked, and Natasha just smirked. 

“Like I’ve got a hole in my side.” She joked, and Steve smirked at her humour. A few beats of silence passed before she asked; “Have you seen Y/N around?”

Steve shook his head. 

“She’s been in her room all week.” Steve sighed. “We think she’s blaming herself for what happened to you, but she’s not willing to let any of us in to talk.”

Natasha felt like crying. You were right back at square fucking one. After everything. But this wasn’t your fault, Natasha was okay and you got the intel, the mission was a success. 

But you didn’t see it that way. 

It had been two days since Natasha was hurt, and you hadn’t left your room once. 

The whole team was worried, it sucked to see you push them away again just as you were beginning to open up. 

But Natasha wouldn’t let that happen. The next day, she was cleared to be released, and with a slightly cramped walk, she went straight to your room. 

Knocking tentatively on the door, she expected no response. 

“Y/N? You in there, detka?” The redhead called out, and she heard shuffling behind the door. 

Eventually, she felt a wiggle of the doorhandle, and the door open before her. 

The team, who were watching from down the corridor had to hold back a shocked gasp. Nat really was your favourite. 

“Y-you’re okay?” You asked, and it was clear you had been crying. 

Natasha nodded.

“I’m okay. You saved my life after all.” Natasha chuckled, and you just smiled with a trembling lower lip. 

“I-I didn’t save you, y-you still got hurt.” You told her, but the other woman shook her head. 

“You got me out of there, despite the fact you got shot to hell. Yeah, Steve told me.” Natasha chastised you a little for being reckless. “But you still saved my life.”

You didn’t say anything, just gently wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling her in for a hug but being careful of the wound on her side. 

“Missed you.” Natasha whispered into your hair.

It was a few moments after that you and Natasha pulled apart. 

“Wanna watch a movie?” She asked, and you nodded, allowing her to pull you over to your bed and settle there. 

You cuddled into Natasha’s good side, letting her stroke your hair.

“I never said thank you.” Natasha stated suddenly, and you looked at her. “For saving my life. Thank you, Y/N.” 

You didn’t know what to say, but studying the sincere look on her face, your body acted before you could speak. 

Leaning forward, you presssed your lips against hers, feeling her hand immediately come up to caress your side. 

There was no better feeling than having Natasha completely against you, having her touch you with such care, kiss you like there would be no tomorrow. 

It was incredible. 

You both pulled away for air, resting your foreheads together as you both got your breath back. 

But then Natasha spoke. 

“It should’ve been you.” 

What?

You pulled away, confused. 

“It should’ve been you, you were the one who wasn’t fast enough to get the intel.” 

Natasha’s face frowned, and your heart began to break, how could she say this to you?

“Sure, you saved my life, but that was out of guilt. This is your fault. What’s the point in having those powers if you can’t use them?!”

“Nat- I-I-“ You tried, pushing yourself away from her and moving to the edge of the bed.

What was going on? She just told you this wasn’t your fault, and now it was? 

You bolted out of the room, almost falling as you did to get away from Natasha, feeling your heart break in your chest. 

You skidded to a halt as you ran into Steve and Wanda who were walking and talking down the hall. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” Wanda asked, noticing the distraught look on your face. 

“I- I don’t know.” You whimpered.

“Well, I mean, I wouldn’t be alright after what happened.” Wanda surmised, and then Steve spoke. 

“Yeah, especially if it was my fault. You sent that mission to shit, L/N. And you know it’s true, otherwise you wouldn’t have locked yourself away.”

“I told you it was too soon to put her on a mission, she’s a liability, useless.” Wanda spat venomously.

Why were they saying this? Why? Tears pooled in your eyes, and you rushed off in another direction, despite them calling your name. 

You had to get out of there, you should’ve known better. Your head was right all along, you didn’t belong here, you were worthless. Certainly not worthy of an Avenger. 

Rushing, it felt like the corridors where never ending. 

You felt yourself begin to hyperventilate, and collapse against the wall nearby to you. 

Everything was closing in, you couldn’t breathe as tears streamed down your cheeks. 

I told you so. 

You fucked up, now they’ll never trust you. 

You’d be better off dead. 

No one will want you after this. 

“Shut up! Shut up, please!” You practically hit your head in attempt to silence the voices, screaming out. 

It felt like a crowd talking all at once, erupting in conversations about your failure, reminding you how worthless you truly are. 

You buried your head between your knees, praying that it would all just stop. 

You couldn’t hear the sounds of feet rushing toward you, calling your name in terror. You could only feel a cold hand placed on your arm, causing you to jump, pushing Natasha away from you.

“Don’t touch me!” You yelled, anger in your eyes. She had never seen you like this before, you had never reacted to her touch that way and now she felt tainted. 

“Y/N, what’s going on?” Steve tried, but you couldn’t answer as you gasped for breath. 

“Her mind, it’s…it’s so loud. Like, screaming at her.” Wanda’s eyes glowed as she peered inside your head. Normally, she would never invade your privacy, but this was an emergency. 

“How could you say that? Why would you say that to me?!” You looked at Natasha with pain in your eyes. 

“Y/N! Say what?!” Natasha exclaimed back in confusion. But you just shook your head, burying it between your knees again. 

“My fault. My fault.” You murmured between your knees, and the three in front of you felt awful. 

“Wanda, what’s going on?”  Natasha’s voice broke the same way her heart did. 

“I- it’s like there’s a dozen people in her mind, all talking. Telling her this is her fault.” Wanda explained. 

They’re lying to you. 

Don’t trust them. 

You’re dead to them.

You felt to weak to run, to fight. So when Natasha moved closer to you, crouching down, you couldn’t move away. 

“Detka, what’s going inside your head?” 

“It’s so loud, they won’t shut up. They never do.” You sobbed, still refusing to look at anyone. “First it’s them, now it’s you. Why- why are you doing this?” 

Natasha blinked away her own tears.  

“Doing what? What did we say to you?” She asked in genuine interest as she narrowed her eyes. 

“You know what you said! You said it wasn’t my fault, then suddenly it was! You said you wished it was me, not you getting hurt. Then Wanda and Steve blamed me, said I was useless.” 

Wanda gasped.

“No I didn’t! Y/N, none of us would ever think such horrid things, let alone say them.” The witch told you, also now crouching down to talk to you. “It’s all in your head.” 

“But why can’t I tell the difference?” You trembled, your temples aching after crying so much. 

“We can get Bruce to get you medication. It’ll shut those voices in your head up, I promise.” 

Natasha had never broken a promise before, why would she now?

Because it’s a fucking trick! They were just blaming you for nearly letting her die, now they want you to take their drugs?! This is Hydra all over again. 

This is how Hydra took you as a child. 

They lured you in with kindness and promises of love. 

Then they made you a monster. 

You weren’t going to make the same mistake twice. 

You thought you were really falling for Natasha, but, as much your heart yearned for her, your mind was louder. 

In another life, perhaps you would’ve loved the woman the way you truly wanted to. 

You remember Nat and Wanda taking you to the MedBay, and letting Bruce prescribe you with some medication. 

But you didn’t swallow it, merely slipping it up your sleeve. They gave you sleeping pills too, considering your restless nights, but you refused to take them too out of fear. 

Natasha slept with you in your room now, always holding you close, keeping you warm. 

But you couldn’t tell what was real and what was fake anymore. And that was something you didn’t know if you could live with. One night, you carefully removed yourself from Nat’s embrace, and padded over to the bathroom. 

The bright light flickered on, and you looked at the mirrored cabinet, showing your reflection as you leaned against the sink. 

You shook your head, and opened the cabinet to pull out two little baggies of pills. The olanzapine and sleeping pills you had been prescribed, that you had pretended to take and saved up. 

It felt like you were in the matrix as you stared down at the two different bags of pills in your hands. One to stay in wonderland, and one to make all the pain go away. 

We’ll never go away. 

You can’t ever get rid of us. 

A tear rolled down your cheek. 

“I know.” You whispered, taking the baggie of pills and swallowing them with a gulp of water, before returning back to your position in Nat’s arms. 

She hummed as she felt your presence again, kissing the back of your neck. 

It was bright outside this morning, sunny and warm. 

Natasha sat up, noticing your sleeping form beside her. 

“Seems like a nice day, gonna have to get up sometime, Y/N.” Natasha teased as she poked your back, expecting a grumble of defiance in response. 

But you didn’t move. 

“Y/N?”

Message me to join my taglist!

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[coffee-writesthings]

I may or may not have been feeling inspired-- might try to expand it into a proper fic later but this is more of a refined-ish idea dump. A fic of a fic (Taking Running Blind by @thetriggeredhappy and having a similar plot with different main characters. Congrats, your peer pressure worked! :))

Summary: Spy is blinded, and after an earnest attempt to hide it, Engineer and Sniper notice (not crossteam btw, tho that would be another cool angle). They try to help him as best they can. (It's those 3 being shipped together, since I have trio relationships on my mind lately cus i read this rly good book with one in it it's called Iron Widow you should go read it rn)

At the moment it's more like an organized-ish infodump that I might turn into a proper fic at some point

Okay so Spy going blind, I think he would still be able to see light but nothing else. It'd happen because of some sort of injury that Respawn couldn't cover for some reason and that leads to Medic and Engineer getting anxious as all hell about Respawn. Medic would make Engineer take breaks, and it's during these breaks that he is trying to help Spy deal with day-to-day stuff.

I think the first to notice would've been Sniper, honestly. Looking through a scope it's not hard to assume that his sorta-friend is struggling with backstabs for a reason he can't place. What's going on with the Spook?

It gets even more obvious when Spy's knife lands, not into someone's spine, but their shoulder. it still does damage, but it's not a backstab. he's killed immediately by Pyro who was nearby and he's still blind. He thought maybe respawn would fix it but no nothing was fixed. Fuck.

Since he can only perceive light, he has to hide out for the rest of the match, using his Cloak and Dagger to remain alive and make an excuse as to why he wasn't seen on the field. I think he would hide out with Sniper, trying his damndest to not give the game away.

It's in this next half-hour that he starts getting used to how loud everything else is, without the visual clutter to distract him. For some reason he hears the other team's Heavy nearby, and it tips him off that that's actually the other Spy, using a new tactic.

The knife sinks into Sniper's back easily, but he never expected the second spy (our pov spy) to pin him down and start stabbing wildly, finishing him off with a carefully aimed gunshot before returning to the shadows.

Once the match is over, he makes his way back to the base, using the light and large colored arrows he can process as a guide. All of this is under the guise of his cloak, so nobody notices.

Or, at least that was the plan. He manages to fall into the Engineer, knocking both of them over.

"Spy what the hell are you trying to pull?"

"That's not your business." is the lousy attempt at a coverup he gives. If he knew the only way he could tell who he was talking to was by the sound of his voice... that would be bad for him.

"Then get off me, will ya?"

He does so without making eye contact, he couldn't imagine what his eyes looked like at the moment but it couldn't be good (they probs look normal, if the research i've done is correct)

There isn't another battle for two weeks, so during that time he rests up and figures out some very basic echolocation so he can make his way around the base. it's better, in his mind, to look competent than it is to be hidden. So long as nobody can tell he has a problem, that's fine by him.

~~~

Engineer and Sniper get to talking, and find they both think something's up.

"You think his sight's gotten worse?"

"I can only tell ya what I saw mate, and I saw him swinging blindly. You've seen how his stabs usually are, they're point-perfect on that specific spot on everybody's spines! Just doesn't make any sense."

"He did trip over me... Kinda thought it was some short joke but, now that'cha bring it up, it's kinda suspicious."

"He'd never want us to notice."

Engie snorts, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure he'd rather die than admit he needs help."

"What do we do then?"

"We help him, whether he admits he needs it or not."

~~~

The first way they try to help him is subtle, reaaaaal subtle. Sniper asks to take him on a walk, holds his hand and tries to talk to him about that day's battle-- he's a bit blunt but he's got the spirit. Spy complains some, but doesn't really say anything substantial. He's actually surprisingly good at not getting off-track (i've been doing things with my eyes closed as an experiment and your steps can legit get wobbly), using sniper's voice as an anchor of sorts

~~~

Engineer takes the next attempt at getting him to open up, just sort of chilling together though. It's a normal thing they do every couple of weeks to de-stress after battles. Today he thought that it would be nice to watch a tv show together, and it's some history thing idk. He describes some of the images to him, which makes Spy feel a mix of thankful and scared about-- Did he notice something? And he confronts Engie on it, asking what's going on?

"It's been both you and Sniper, what do you think happened?"

"There's no think to it. He pointed it out to me-- you botched a buncha backstabs and it looked like somethin' happened.

"This stays between the two of you and me..." he proceeds to explain what he knows about what happened. He does admit that he is, in fact, blind. He explains that he can perceive changes in light but nothing else. "It's... something like closing your eyes, permanently."

Engie is conflicted, having very little of an idea how to care for someone having vision in a state like that. He's especially not sure what to do in terms of telling Medic for instance (since respawn didn't fix it like expected)

~~~

Still though, he tells Sniper about it after staying up all night doing research on like a million specifics about vision loss (causes, treatment, what to do if it can't be fixed, etc etc)

"Huh, so what can we do right now?"

"He's gonna be real concerned about visibility, so honestly our best bet might be teaching him echolocation."

"You're kidding me!" he lets out a wheeze of a laugh, "Spy, echolocating? Yeah right. By the way when was the last time you slept?"

Engineer responds, "uh, yesterday."

Sniper proceeds to herd him into bed like a border collie, doing everything up to and including a brief attempt to pick him up over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. Engineer blushes, maybe makes some joke about being a princess

~~~

So anyway they teach Spy how to echolocate (Sniper does, specifically, since he just forced Engineer to get some sleep).

Spy: 'this is a joke, right?"

Sniper: "do you want to do this without help or not? I don't see you being willing to get a white cane" (note: it's super good actually for figuring out ur surroundings and materials, i didn't think it would be as good as it looks but the way it works sounds really damn useful)

Over the next hour or so they do echolocation together, starting with simpler sets of noises (snapping, clicking of tongue, things like that) and then just walking and talking around the base. After a little bit, Spy is able to get a general idea (hehe i misstyped that at first to be gender. Spy is certainly able to get a gender alright) a general idea of the layout of the base. He can't really figure out the rooms without touch and counting the individual doors, and stairs are his worst enemy, but he can do the base mostly.

~~~

The next day is a CTF battle (completely spontaneous for some unknown reason) and Spy hangs out with the intel with Engineer (yknow what fuck it i'm being fancy this isn't 2fort it's Landfall, the foresty one), hoping that the administrator will just think he's having a bad day. They chat while Engie builds and tinkers, about all manner of things. Probably more about what Engie found and remembered in his research.

~~~

Anyway I've been sitting on this a few days, felt like sharing a collection of vibes which may someday be expanded. Btw writing this actually inspired me to take a different direction in an original work lol, I might try to share some of that in the future when I have proper snippets to share

[heroofshield]

Whumpcember Day 13- Restraints (MCU Clintasha)

Warnings: restrained against will, implied torture

@whumpcember

--

Clint Barton pulled against the restraints that were holding him to the wall. The chains rattled and pulled taught but held, the metal biting into his skin- turning it red and irritated. After a minute or so, he'd started to really lose track of time after the first day, Clint gave up and relaxed his arms slumping against the metal wall.

"So much for the cavalry showing up." he thought, blowing out a breath and wondering if his locator chip was working; Medical had sworn up and down that the subcutaneous RFID chip would tell SHIELD where he was when in the field.

That is, if he wasn't below ground. And if the check-in window had passed with more than enough time for Coulson to be concerned. "I wonder if Natasha's already started looking for a new partner." he wondered while brushing a stray spiderweb out of his face.

They hadn't been partnered long, only a year, and this was one of the few solo missions that he'd been assigned during that time as well. Bringing in the infamous Black Widow from the Red Room had earned him a stint on Fury's Shit List and it had seemed that he'd finally worked his way off it when the Director had given him the covert assassination job.

That had been after he'd taken a step into a former Soviet Bloc country and a black hood had been slapped onto his head, then shoved into what he assumed was a van.

His captors hadn't said much, only shoving him down some stairs and into the room he was currently in; but it was only a matter of time until they they started the interrogation.

Almost as if they'd heard his thoughts, the sound of metal doors clanking open and footsteps nearing told Clint that anyone else was still in the building. Standing as the door opened, Clint raised an eyebrow at the metal chairs that were brought in. "We finally getting to have that one-on-one I've been promised?" he asked, letting the trademark Barton smirk appear.

"Sit." grunted who Clint had dubbed as Bratva One.

"Or what?"

"Or we do this the hard way."

Clint shrugged, not wanting to make it that easy on them. "What about these chains? No offense but you still haven't brought me that diet coke I asked for. Gotta have my caffeine in the morning if you want a coherent thought."

Bratva One just scowled and folded his arms.

"Strong and silent huh? Watch a lot of Batman when you were little? Michael Keaton was pretty good, I'll admit. But nothing beats the Adam-" Clint cut off as Bratva Two grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him forwards so that his knees hit the metal chair and he hissed in pain.

Not waiting for Clint to sit of his own accord, Bratva Two roughly shoved him into the chair, his chains rattling through out it all.

"Where is Black Widow?" One asked, not waiting time and looking Clint straight in the eye.

"Have you checked the attic? Because I know that spiders like cool, dry-"

"We've seen you with her." Bratva Two interrupted. "The Black Widow will fetch a high price among Russia's leaders and let us back into the country."

"Ooooohhhh, so that's what this is about." Clint laughed shaking his head. "Sorry guys but you're not gonna get that outta me."

"Then we do this the hard way." Bratva Two cracked his knuckles and Clint winced at the sound.

"You really shouldn't do that y'know, gives you arthritis." the last word left Clint abruptly when Two landed a solid punch in Clint's stomach and his breath escaped him in a rush.

--

Groggily opening his eyes, it took a minute for Clint to remember where he was and what had happened.

Clint laying on the floor, his body aching, the restraints around his wrist leaving a bloody smear.

Bratva One opening the door for another round.

The sound of something hitting the floor and belatedly Clint realizing it was a flash bang, barely curling inwardly to protect his head in time.

Red hair filling his vision before everything finally went black.

"About time you woke up. I was starting to think you were doing it on purpose."

Clint swung his gaze to the voice had come from, seeing Natasha sitting in the chair off to the side. "You know me, I'm always one for sleeping in if I get the chance."

"Just don't make a habit of it, otherwise Fury might not send you on any more field trips."

Clint let out a snort, but even that caused him to wince in pain. "Jesus, you think that using lead pipes would have gone out of fashion."

"Not with former GRU operatives."

Clint made a face as his wrists let out a spasm of pain and he glanced down to see them bandaged in a gauze and medical tape. "GRU huh? At least that explains why they wanted back in Russia so bad."

"Listen-"

"I wasn't gonna hand you over. Which is why they decided to take Tonya Harding as a role model and try to make me Nancy Carrigan."

"I didn't think you would." Natasha replied, shifting slightly and licking her lips. "You were the one to make a different call and bring me in. You wouldn't go to all that trouble just to sell me out to some third-tier operatives."

"Thanks. I think. I'm assuming that was a compliment."

Natasha let a smile ghost across her face as she watched Clint fight the painkillers. "It is. We'll talk once you're more coherent."

"Sounds...like a...plan." Clint closed his eyes and started to drift off once again. But not before thinking that he was glad he'd brought Natasha into SHIELD and his life.

[divinekangaroo]

I keep seeing takes indicating T/G would have been living together for 2 years prior to their marriage. This has always bugged me because it would have been a social suicide at the time, a respectable women living with her lover? No way they would have risked it as Tommy was trying to climb the social ladder plus he would not have risked tarnishing Graces reputation? Her family would have disowned her and no one would have turned up for the wedding. Grace was fronting the "single mother and a grieving widow" until it was socially appropriate to remarry? Tommy also looked to set everything up for them to start living together - his trip to NY to bring her and baby back, the wedding, the new house - it just seem to fit that they would have stayed in touch but would have only got together maybe a few months prior to the confirmed wedding.

This was my take watching the show or maybe I'm missing something here. I remembered you addressed this vaguely in one of your fic. I know you do tons of research and I would love to hear your thoughts/facts on this subject :)

I had it in my head that Tommy didn’t see Charlie until Charlie was 6 months old, which was a 15 month duration from conception to Tommy going to New York to collect Grace and Charlie.  This would mean he and Grace only really had, let’s say 1 month pre-wedding honeymoon in New York together, and 6-ish months in Arrow House together prior to the marriage.  (6 months is long enough to float a new charitable institution...)

But, this time gap for me was motivated more by headcanon/thematic desire rather than well researched. I mean, thematically, I just *really liked* the idea that Tommy never saw any of his women pregnant with his children or their early lives (Zelda (Duke-17y), Grace (Charlie-6m), Lizzie (Ruby-3m)). 

There were a few other factors which might lead to the lag between conception and Charlie being 6 months old, but these are more floater thoughts or first perceptions than anything I've double/triple checked:

The biggest one: I assumed Grace went back to America with Clive the morning after Derby Day, because Tommy didn't get back to her in time.  Because she was probably a *minimum* of 6 weeks pregnant at that point, possibly 8 (had to miss two periods minimum; no pregnancy tests back then and cervix takes 6 weeks before it looks different to a gyno), she told Clive the baby was his on the steamer to protect herself on the assumption Tommy didn't want to proceed with her. (If this doesn't happen, and Tommy manages to catch her before she leaves, it's possible she could have physically left Clive then and lived the full two years or so with Tommy and just weathered the scandal.)

The simplest possible divorce (Grace accepts fault for committing infidelity) would be 6 months, however I assumed with an investment banker for a husband, that divorce would be very complicated, so let’s say an 18 month process.

Once Clive died, with no word of divorce mentioned, an uncomplicated estate settlement can also be around 9 to 18 months. (if Clive committed suicide on his own in America without a divorce processed, and Grace was in England, she would have had to travel back to America for settlement)

Back in the day, pregnancy was still fairly high risk, and medical advice cautioned against extensive travel during pregnancy, especially in the later stages, due to the potential discomfort, risks associated with the journey, and limited medical facilities on board steamers.  Given my assumption she went back to America, Grace was probably four months pregnant by the time she and Tommy agreed (via remote correspondence! every letter taking 10 days! phone calls with terrible lag and disconnections!) they would get married and worked out a disentanglement strategy with Clive, they decided to wait until the baby was born before starting any of these proceedings.

The risk of travelling with a newborn was similar, and recommendations in the day suggested waiting until they were older to deal with all the foreign bugs. So whatever kept Grace in America until Charlie was born, meant she had to stay until he was older anyway.

In terms of what did keep Grace in America until Charlie was born, rather than simply getting on the next steamer back to England at 4 months pregnant and dealing with all divorce etc remotely, I headcanon that:

Grace’s strategy was to wait until Charlie was three months old (so she could be fully supported in America) then admit the infidelity and process the divorce

Tommy agreed with her at face value, then promptly executed his own secret strategy, which was to find dirt on Clive and blackmail him into saying he committed the infidelity, and Tommy tried to push this as fast as he could; the quicker the divorce was processed the better, and as far as he was concerned, Grace could get on that ship at whatever point and he’d throw a bunch of doctors on with her if needed to get her there

Whatever Tommy found, whether he tabled it with Clive, whether Grace got emotional and told Clive everything, whatever it was: Clive committed suicide before Charlie was born.  This threw a spanner in Tommy’s ASAP-timeline because Grace then had additional reasons to wait in New York (until Clive’s estate settlement was dealt with, as well as Charlie being old enough to travel safely). In the meantime she was able to be supported by Clive’s money as a widow.  My irony headcanon: inadvertently, this pre-birth/pre-divorce suicide also left her with Clive’s fortune, and after her death, left Tommy with her fortune *gasp*.  For me this fortune-transfer headcanon is also thematically relevant – that whole “everyone Tommy touches” curse, but even as people die around him, all the time his net worth and assets increase. 

So yes – mostly headcanon and themes rather than anything concrete! I don’t think fear of scandal would have bothered Grace all that much. BUT, given how supportive her family actually were – they only picked on Tommy’s corrupt reputation with mild concern -- I can assume there was no hint of pre-marital infidelity or divorce.  Tommy was a dubious match, but there was no suggestion he and Grace committed infidelity, and no one seemed to blink twice about Charlie so would assume the family thought he was Clive’s and Tommy adopted him.  I also had the undercurrent Grace's family thought Tommy was marrying Grace (as another man’s widow/seconds, and taking on another man’s child) to socially advance himself, and they could reluctantly understand that coming from a man like him; they were satisfied enough with the match because he had his military record, he was firmly new money by then, and Grace was, after all, widowed and had a child, had no parents or sibs to support her (they were all uncles and cousins), was very happy with Tommy, and would have been difficult to convince to a different pathway/marry off again. So they acquiesed.

(On scandal -- Grace's whole profession seemed scandalous for a woman (?) -- I just don't think she would've cared all that much about a reputation for infidelity given she was basically prepared to sleep with men (Campbell's orders) as a spy. Society/family might have different opinions but I just didn't see it too much as Grace's motivational concern. In my head, Tommy was probably more concerned about that reputation landing on Grace (hence his scheme to have Clive take the fall) than she was.)

[suscitatmortuos]

[ oliver jackson-cohen, 36, cis man, he/him ] welcome to antioch, elias duval! local sources report that you’ve been in town for 36 years and are known to be resourceful yet deceptive. others have dredged up rumors that you’re involved in the vampire of antioch as a suspect, but most know you for your work as a history professor at antioch university. 

BASICS

FULL NAME: elias alexander duval

NICKNAME/S: el, eli

D. O. B.: june 21st 1988

SIGN: gemini

AGE: 36 years old

GENDER: male

ORIENTATION: heterosexual

NATIONALITY: british from father's side/jewish from mother's side

PREFERRED PRONOUNS:  he/him

BIRTH PLACE: antioch, oregon

OCCUPATION: history professor at antioch university

SUBPLOT AFFILIATION: the vampire of antioch

LANGUAGES: english and french

ACCENT: american

APPEARANCE

HEIGHT: 6’2

BUILD: lean and athletic build

SKIN TONE: tanned

HAIR COLOR: dirty blonde

EYE COLOR: blue

GLASSES OR CONTACTS:  glasses when reading

BIRTHMARKS/SCARS: has a cigarette burn on his left wrist that he did to himself and other scars on his arms from cutting

LEFT HANDED/RIGHT HANDED: right handed

TATTOOS/PIERCINGS:  none

RELATIONSHIPS

FAMILY: seamus duval ( father, alive ), anna metzger ( mother, alive ), elena duval ( sister, deceased ), nicole wells ( wife, deceased )

PETS: none

CHILDREN: none

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: widow

PERSONALITY

character archetype: the magician

mbti: entp-t

character trait/s: secretive, anxious, self destructive, resourceful, passionate, volatile, obsessive, moody, critical, flaky, argumentative, manipulative, unreliable, loyal, paranoid, defensive, unpredictable

phobias/fear/s: he hates close spaces and is not particularly fond of heights. an intense fear of abandonment

bad habits: keeping things to himself, assuming the worst, always having his guard up. he is also has a very serious pill addiction

mental disorder/conditions: borderline personality disorder

obsessions: he obsesses about everything lbr

religion: agnostic

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

love language: words of affirmation

————————–

BIOGRAPHY

triggers: self harm, drug addiction, mental illness, murder, suicide

They say when life gives you lemons, you're supposed to make lemonade. But what if those lemons are rotten? What if they are swimming with maggots? Then what? As a child, Elias couldn't sit still, which drove his parents insane. Fortunately, his older sister was infinitely patient with him and eventually persuaded Mr. and Mrs. Duval to send their kid to see a therapist. Elias was ultimately diagnosed after multiple tests and a long list of potential concerns. Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD for short. It explained a lot of things, and his parents were relieved to hear there was something they could do to help their troubled son. No, they couldn't cure it, but they could manage it. Or at least try to. So, at the age of 13, Elias was already receiving antipsychotic and antianxiety medications.

He had difficulty establishing friends since he lacked patience with them, and others frequently considered him irritating. A minor issue could escalate into a major one, causing him to erupt and become aggressive. This degree of aggressiveness gained him a nasty reputation, which did him no favors when his sister was discovered dead in their home. Her throat was slit from ear to ear. Of course, 15-year-old Elias was the primary suspect and was detained for questioning. He claimed that he had been suffering from backouts for a long time and had no memory of what had occurred. Police found no evidence that could tie him to that crime and so he was released back to the custody of his parents. Elena's death was later ruled as a suicide since the only prints on the murder weapon were her own.

Case closed. People in town avoided him like the plague after that. They would stand in corners and whispered things like, "He definitely did it." It didn't stop him from graduating high school and attending university, where he majored in English and eventually earned a PhD in History. This qualified him to become a professor at Antioch University. He had an eventful past, but by the time he was 30, everyone in town had forgotten about what had transpired 15 years before. That is, until another death revived those recollections. Nicole Duval, Elias' beautiful wife, died in a horrible accident while hiking. Elias alleges that they were standing beside a cliff and that he looked away from her for a few minutes. That when he looked back she was gone. He failed to mention the fight they were having prior to that and that he has no memory of even making it to the damn cliff. Her broken body was discovered at the bottom of a giant rock. Elias was then arrested and became the primary suspect in a murder investigation for the second time. Once again, he was released due to lack of evidence and Nicole's death was ruled an accident.

The University gave him a warning, he was suspended, it was a mess. However, after Elias threatened to sue the University if they fired him they decided to keep him in their staff. After all, he had been cleared of all charges so there was no reason why he should be punished for what seemed like a horrible misunderstanding. Now there seems to be a serial killer at large and some believe that he might be involved. Elias was not surprised when police showed up at his house with a warrant and was taken into the station to be drilled for 5 hours. His alibi isn't that solid since Elias doesn't particularly keep a social life.

PERSONALITY

Elias is a petri dish of anxieties and mood swings. Because of his BPD, he doesn't have his emotions under control. He does take medication but he still finds it difficult to find a good balance between drowning in depression and burning with anger. Most of the time he turns his anger inward and ends up hurting himself. He also manages this with pills and lots of alcohol. Honestly, his status at the University is hanging by a thread these days. He is not someone you can count on because he doesn't have the energy to handle other people's problems. Christ, he barely has the emotional stability to handle his own drama. He's not good with relationships either because he is constantly worried that something might go wrong and his fear of abandonment causes him to panic.

Wanted Connection #1:  family members of the victims who are convinced that he killed their loved one and are often giving him the stink eye. Or just people in general who believe this

Wanted Connection #2: A childhood friend. Someone who he grew up with and he can confide in

Wanted Connection #3: I would like him to start dating, possibly? Or at least be interested in going out but its super awkward at first because of his past history

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Fic title: Evening Splendor

Midoriya Izuku worked hard, everyone agreed. He worked his fingers to the bones in training, and would often speak of years spent helping either his mother around the house or his uncle around his home.

"I sometimes help around his shop to," Izuku told his friends when they asked for his plans over the summer. "He pays me minimum wage, and I like it. I save my money for merch mostly, other stuff to."

Of course with the attack at the camp, he didn't end up going to the shop, he told them later, but he did help out around the house.

"Does your uncle have a big house?" Uraraka, one of his best friends, asked him.

"Bigger then mine." Izuku said with a shrug. "It was mostly vacuuming around the place, washing windows, watching his giant lizard." the green haired teen shuddered. "That thing terrifies me. Feels like it's going to eat me or something whenever it stares."

That of course got both Uraraka and Iida, Izuku's other best friend, requesting pictures. The picture of said lizard did indeed scare them.

"Oh god why does it have so many teeth?"

"Does it have a Quirk?"

The picture was shown to others in class, including the one of Izuku holding it when Bakugou claimed the boy made up the whole thing. Everyone fully agreed that Izuku worked his ass off. Who kept that sort of thing as a pet? Izuku's uncle apparently.

With this in mind, the fact that on a parental visit day, Yaoyorozu's mother took one look at Midoriya Inko, shouting out; "Is that you Atakani?!"

"Oh!" Mrs. Midoriya smiled at the woman. "Hello Yaoyorozu! It's good to see you again."

"You as well!" Mrs. Yaoyorozu said. "You got married?"

"I'm widowed now," Mrs. Midoriya said. "I married Hisashi, remember him?"

"I do. Did your parents disown you like they threatened?" Mrs. Yaoyorozu asked.

"They tried. Grandma and Grandpa held the money though," Mrs. Midoriya laughed. "Though most of that is tied up in stocks for me. I'm a nurse now."

"Well, congrats! I assume your sister took over the business?"

"Indeed. Grandpa kicked my dad out of the CEO position and gave it to her. My brother finally owns his own music shop as well. My son helps out around the summer for extra spending money," Mrs. Midoriya motioned to Izuku who gave a sheepish wave. The confused look on Mrs. Yaoyorozu's face made Izuku chuckle.

"Every one of mom's old friends get so confused when she says that," he told his friends who were giving him confused looks. Yaoyorozu walked up to him.

"Atakani? As in the owns of Support Inc. and Medical Hero?" she asked Izuku.

"Yeah," Izuku shrugged, as if being related to the owners of two of the largest companies in Japan wasn't a big deal.

"What?!" most of the class asked in shock.

"That's a lie!" Bakugou barked.

"No it isn't," Mrs. Midoriya said, turning to raise an eyebrow at the boy who went pink and looked down. She turned her face back to Mrs. Yaoyorozu.

"You never said anything about to me Ink-" Mrs. Bakugou began only to get cut off.

"I told you not to use my first name until you can control your brute of a son," Mrs. Midoriya said coldly. "My son reported that he still is called 'Deku' and insulted daily by that bully."

"It's boys being boys-" Mrs. Bakugou tried.

"No it isn't. The only reason I haven't reported your son for illegal Quirk use on my son that left him with first degree burns when he was thirteen and younger was because Izuku told me not to." Mrs. Midoriya told her. "You're not my friend, and until you can grow up I refuse to deal with you." She waved her hand. "Anyway I never told you because I am well aware you would have loved nothing more then to use me as a platform, which I respect. But I wanted actual friendship. When I realized your son was tormenting mine, I lost interest in telling you."

The chilly aura coming from Mrs. Midoriya lessened when Izuku covered his face.

"Mom, why do you have to play that card," he groaned.

"Because you are to willing to let people walk all over you. I blame your father," Mrs. Midoriya said before grinning. "Now, point me to the two people you have a crush on."

"Mom!" Izuku said, flushing.

"What?" Mrs. Midoriya said innocently. "I wanna know who caught my baby's eye enough he's not using his allowance for merch but to plot out dates," the last words came out as a sing-song and Izuku whined as his friends giggled.

"Wait," Kaminari spoke up then, confused. "If you're rich why are you like getting an allowance and working to pay for stuff?"

"Because just giving me money is a bad thing?" Izuku said slowly. He tilted his head in confusion. "My allowance is probably more then most but I like merch, and I work for extra. My mom's big on letting me earn my money rather then just giving me it."

"I get him some merch as do his aunt and uncle, but I'd never just let my son have a lot of money like that." Mrs. Midoriya shook her head.

"Indeed," Yaoyorozu said. "I myself work for the extra things my parents do not supply, though I admit I am paid more simply because I can also create certain metals or items that are in short supply."

"It's responsible parenting," Mrs. Yaoyorozu sniffed. "Image letting your child go around with money they don't earn fairly. We may have maids and other staff, but Momo cleans her own room while helping with the garden."

"Of course, but anyway- Izuku. Point them out," Mrs. Midoriya insists as her son flails.

"Mom!"

"What? I want to know who you're planning an evening of splendour with."

[silent-dragon]

TWST OC Profile ~ Amani Kingscholar

This is a AU & Parent OC of Canon Characters

Names of some family members are of my own hc

Theme song to listen to while reading ^^

Personal Info

Name: Amani Kingscholar

Gender: Male

Age: 46

Species: Barbary Lion Beastman

Based on: Ahadi from Tales of Two Brothers Lion King Book

Orientation: Bisexual

Status: Widower

Birthday: 1/1

Zodiac: Capricorn

Height: 215cm/7ft

Medical Condition: Osteoarthritis 

Eye Color: Emerald Green

Hair Color: Orangy Red & Brown

Homeland: Sunset Savanna

Family: Lela Kingscholar - Wife,Deceased

Falena Kingscholar - Son

Sara Kingscholar - Daughter-in-law

Leona Kingscholar - Son

Cheka Kingscholar - Grandson

Johnathan Nott Hamilton - Half Uncle(Doesn't know he still alive see Johnathan's Profile for more)

Occupation: Old King of the Sunset Savanna,Father to the King & Prince of the Sunset Savanna,Grandfather to the Heir

Other Info

Dominant Hand: Right

Favorite Food: Angus Cheeseburger 

Least Favorite Food: Stuff labeled as "Old People Food"

Dislikes: His Regrets as King,His Sons's Feud,Droughts,His Aching Back,Mornings

Hobby: Chess/Checkers playing,Watching Cheka zoom around him,Drinking herbal teas,Getting medical massages,Collecting Sandals,Trying to catch up to modern technology,Visiting his wife's grave to have a chat,Park Walking

Talents: Asking his Sons how are they doing randomly,Walking Long Distance,Giving advice as riddles,Babysitting Cheka,Irritating his sons by petting their heads like they are cubs

Elemental Magic: Fire

Unique Magic: Same as Leona's as he passed it to him

OC’s Lore Summary: Aging Old King of the Sunset Savanna. He gave his throne to his 1st son when he was 30 and retired. Now just lives around to watch his sons grow. Falena has a number of people who care for him as he can't move or do somethings anymore due to medical condition. Is trying to repair his relationship with his 2nd son who feels dislikes him due to his brief favoritism to Falena. Kinda is now the chill dad he wished he was before as he wasn't very nice as king.

Personality: He has grown to be more kind,soft,and less stubborn with age as he regrets his previous behavior. Still a bit snappy to others who often don't recall who he is as he gets that alot as a lot of younger people assumed he died when it was his wife.

Picrew

Facts: Is remembered as a two sided king. When he started he was very mean and stubborn because he was forced to prepare as king way too young as his father died when he was 6 so 10yrs later he was being crowned king and was forced to become a father shortly after so there was an heir. Once his teen years were over he slowly became a better king but still had issues.

•

It's been 3yrs since he finally came out of mourning his wife. He is doing better but maybe sometimes babies his boys as she used to do when they were cubs.

•

He is an active schooling parent/grandparent towards the education currently of Leona and Cheka. Even though Leona wishes he wouldn't bother him. He checks in and gives Cheka all the pets for doing so well.

•

He has to once a week get a full body massage for medical reasons. It's to keep his body joint functioning so he can move normally. His sons or other family members usually join him for a spa day as it is very relaxing.

•

Enjoys having a drink with other adults,light partying,classic board games,and walks. He hates being told he is too old already for stuff even though he knows he is reaching 50.

•

Has a questionable habit of saying youth slang terms he thinks is something Leona would say. Some don't have the heart to tell him not to do this as it is very funny.

•

Makes great efforts to attend every public spelldrive game of Leona's. Leona told him he can but not bring attention to himself as condition. Amani hasn't missed one yet...not a single one...

•

To reflect he enjoys bird & butterfly watching in parks or on the walk home. He finds their beauty so beautiful in the moment yet when they fly away it reminds him of the things in his past that did the same he wished didn't. He carries bird seed when going to park and has a number of butterfly attracting flower bushes in his backyard.

[gisellelx]

I absolutely adore Ordinary Time--frankly to my own surprise -- Twi-world without Bella and Esme!?!? And yet--its outstanding.

I'd like to hear a bit about Charlie in this world. Do they keep in touch with him. How did they (assuming they did) keep Renesme and him in touch? I would expect E and C to take the poor man's feelings into consideration as he lost his only child and then his granddaughter appears to have been somewhat removed from him in this universe.

Thanks kindly!

This made my month! Honestly Ordinary Time/Kairos is the fic I most write for me--it's just me revisiting one of my favorite incarnations of these characters, kind of when I feel like it, and loosely in line with another thing I enjoy, which is being a SCOTUS wonk. When I started writing Twific so many years ago now, I was living in Washington and it's hard not to get swept up into at least some of the discourse around the political scene when your commute gets disrupted by the vice president's motorcade every day. It's just part of your life. So I am always truly tickled pink that other people want to read about this thing that is basically me just splashing around in the water with my favorite vampires and my favorite topics.

And this is a great question! One which I have not needed to fully flesh out yet just because the fic itself is such short snippets of life and so I haven't put it in.

But yes, Renesmee would absolutely be in touch with Charlie in this story. I've chosen (even though I don't love it!) to follow SMeyer's intention with the imprint and that means that she is spending no small amount of time with the tribe. Her choice to go back to Washington state for medical school also puts her closer to that part of her life.

How I would bet it plays out--during her childhood, she spent time with Charlie the way Bella did; a few weeks at a time in the summers. In the Kairos universe Carlisle and Edward have gotten a lot wiser to the impact of their presence on the tribe; in the most recent chapter they decide to stay south of San Francisco to stay not only off Quileute lands but off all Salish lands altogether. So I don't think they go to Forks for more than just an afternoon here and there. But they trust Sue and they like Charlie, and letting Rene spend time with him also gives them some—ahem—alone time.

Does Charlie spend a lot of time with them? Probably not, for a couple reasons. One, no matter how you slice it, Edward was the beginning of the downward spiral that led to Charlie losing Bella several times over. That's not something that's easy to work through, and no matter how much he wants to, he's married to a chief elder of the tribe and knows a lot more about them than he ever wanted to. It’s not easy for him to not be mad; it’s not easy for Edward to accept forgiveness anyway. So theirs is not the smoothest of relationships.

And two, let's face it, Carlisle/Edward in this scenario is...difficult. One thing I'm trying not to do in this AU is make it like everyone just went, "Oh okay I guess they should get their HEA," or that they went "Yeah everything about who we were to each other before is just gone, let's fuck." Their relationship here exists in this very both/and kind of state that not everyone is equally comfortable with (and that they are not always completely comfortable with!)

Charlie, being a native of the very, very small Forks, WA, probably took a long time to get around to, "Oh okay, I know gay people and they are okay people" and so quickly extending that still nascent acceptance to "My daughter's widower is now partnered to the guy I knew as his dad" is likely just...hard. So they keep it cordial and superficial, and Renesmee has her own special relationship with Charlie that doesn't have much to do with her dads and that works well for all of them. He was there at her graduations; he’ll be there at her wedding. Forks is an important place to her because it was where her mom lived, and she enjoys exploring it and hiking there and sitting in a fishing boat there and eating at its quirky handful of restaurants much more than Bella ever did. And she gets to learn all sorts of things about her mom that Edward never had time to learn, so she loves spending time with him.

And despite the general “this is weird”ness of their relationship, my other post-saga Charlie-Carlisle headcanon holds in this universe, too: that occasionally, while Rene is up visiting Jake, Carlisle comes over to watch football or baseball and Charlie enjoys finally having a son in law who cares as much as he does about ball games.

Thank you for the compliment and the ask! Might be a good chapter to add to “Always,” we’ll see.

[strxngemxgick]

@shieldagentnatasharomanoff asked: (It's Stephen's birthday, so of course Nat needs to chip in a little something to make the day special) 

"I feel like I always find you here when it's too late to be awake." She teased, as the widow sat down. It was way past midnight. The Sanktums Grandfather clock had already struck twelve and one but kept on ticking, stealing their time away relentlessly. 

"Happy Birthday, Stephen." She placed a small parcel infront of him. It was neatly wrapped in deep blue, holographic paper. A cheesy silver bow sitting on top of the gift, attached by a string. "You didn't really think you would get out of this, did you?" 

Meme Random Asks /// Always Accepting

He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there, lost in thought as he read the same passage for, perhaps, the fifth time. The words had long since begun to blur into a nonsensical jumble of familiar letters and half English, but every attempt to refocus on his reading was met with another wave of an unusual off feeling. It was a sensation just managing to defy explanation, like a mounting sense of dread, the familiar palpitation-inducing anxiety that came with the knowledge that something was going to happen, but he wasn’t quite sure what. An uneasiness. A wariness. He couldn’t tell if the twitching of his fingers was from the typical tremors of his old-ruined hands, or a nervous sort of drumming. 

Eventually, he sighed, forgoing the tablet as the screen went blank, his attempts at staying updated on medical journals abandoned as he curled up in the massive armchair tucked into the corner of his study. His knees drew up closer to his chest, his hand rising to form a hood over his eyes, weak protection against dim candlelight. (When had it gotten so late?) The Cloak settled comfortably over his shoulders, wrapping around his body to help keep out the growing November chill where his oversized flannel and sweatpants failed. He smiled softly, appreciatively, and allowed his eyes to drift shut just momentarily. He took slow breaths, meditating on the quiet of the Sanctum around him, hoping that the stillness might help soothe his unsettled nerves. 

The suddenness of Natasha’s voice didn’t necessarily help, but Stephen still found himself offering her a tiny smile as she approached, because he knew that her presence might still help put him at ease. Her company would be invaluable. He chuckled softly, drawing himself to sit upright. “You know me so well,” he shot back easily.

But, his expression quickly shifted into one of confusion. Dark brows drew together at the sight of the gift in her hands, and taken aback by her birthday wishes. “It’s not my birthday,” he replied, but there was a lack of surety in his voice. He reached back for the tablet, bringing up the home screen to seek out the time, the date. He paused, blinking with an understanding that dawned at a snail’s pace. “Oh...” he mused, “I guess it is.”

He supposed he could claim that was the cause for his feeling of dread. He hadn’t been big on celebrating his birthday in years, and had been even less enthusiastic about it since becoming a sorcerer, when his work with the Time Stone had made the passage of time muddled and his lifetimes at the mercy of time loops had made him lose track of his own age. A birthday had just seemed so moot. He had asked Wong not to worry about it, and even Christine had stopped calling on the eighteenth after he’d requested it. 

He wasn’t sure how Natasha had found out, but Stephen supposed that she had her ways. 

“Thank you,” he whispered despite himself, accepting the gift with shaking hands and a small smile. Rather than open it, though, he made sure that a chair for Natasha was drawn closer to his own, and she was invited to sit. “I assume you’ve already given Strange his birthday wishes?” A pause, then, “is today his birthday, too?”

[sylvanfreckles]

So. I caved (ha) to peer pressure and watched The Descent, because it seems my plot idea for the DeanCas Horrorfest has some parallels.

I texted live reactions to my friend the entire time I was watching. Under the cut for spoilers.

-Oh who could have predicted the happy family outing in the first five minutes would turn to tragedy

-I'm assuming the main conflict comes when Sad Widow and The Homewrecker come to blows

-I'm not scared, I'm just waiting for these women to stop whining. They've been together five minutes, I think their periods have synced.

-They're sliding down a rope without gloves now. Why are they doing this without gloves?

-OH NO BAD CGI BATS DURING THE DAY

-"Be careful, these caves get pretty cold. That's why I'm not wearing any sleeves, so I can intimidate the cold with my patented Homewrecker Guns."

-"I don't get lost" says the woman who is definitely going to get them lost.

-Oh, look, Captain Homewrecker led them all into danger because no one understands her fEeLiNgS

-Oh, NOW they have gloves

-It's more than halfway over and the scariest monster is Homewrecker's hubris.

-Oh, hey, actual monster. Only took 51 minutes.

-I can't remember all their names, but we have our main character, Grieving Widow, along with Homewrecker, Adrenaline Junky, Experienced Caver (who is done with Homewrecker's bullshit), Medical Student, and English Teacher (who can understand cave paintings?)

-Grieving Widow saw the monster and of course no one believers her. Who would ever believe Grieving Widow when Homewrecker knows everything about caves?

-Those aren't dead animals. Those are bones. Of moose. So there's a moose-sized hole somewhere nearby. Optimus Prime could climb in through a moose-sized hole.

-Fucking fuckbags jumpscare

-And Homewrecker was the real villain. I knew it!

-I know Adrenaline Junky just died, but I'm not sure who of the interchangeable other three did too.

-So either the med student (still useful) or the English teacher (she already read the cave painting so she's dead weight now) is dead. And being eaten!

-Ah! Medical Student survived! Surely she can do an impromptu autopsy in this cave while there are other monsters roaming around!

-Well. Grieving Widow's gonna have some nightmares after this.

-Hey, blood pool!

-Something something...caves represent the female reproductive system...something something birth trauma, I'm sure.

-I mean, it's fitting. The males of the species are blind and navigate by wound, while the females can still see. This whole movie is just a man trying to explain your period.

-Grieving Widow has a higher body count than the monsters

-Homewrecker is like "I'm not leaving without her", and Grieving Widow is like "fuck therapy , I should have been killing monsters!"

-Well, just two left.

-Covered in blood, hooting like a monkey, our lone surviving Grieving Widow speeds off into the fading light, her friends left behind to feed the mountain.

It was okay. Not as scary as the premise made it seem, probably because of all the interpersonal drama surrounding it. It kinda lost the tension for me when Sarah started killing monsters left and right. I'm not gonna say I could do better because I haven't actually done full horror (unless Walrider from Whumptober counts, but that's mostly homage to Outlast and I'm pretty sure it's worse than this movie). I just didn't find it all that scary or compelling.

[chaoticevilbean]

Another Star Wars AU, TBN*

*To-Be-Named

I love time travel. A lot. So here is a time-travel au, with the CW trio.

Somehow, perhaps by touching a Sith artifact, perhaps by the Force deciding they should, perhaps from some sort of weird ritual the locals were performing that the trio didn't know about, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, Anakin, Rex, and Cody travel aback in time.

[Please keep in mind that Canon Timeline has died tragically in a fire, and I am but the weeping widow with an inheritance.]

Due to whatever happened, they all also end up (technically) deaging. They still have their memories and their knowledge and skills, just stuck in smaller bodies. They can think and act like adults, but they also have to struggle a bit more to implement Older Skills in Younger Bodies.

Ahsoka is 2. She's nubby. She's emotional. She's tired and sore from her deaging.

She wakes up in someone's office. She's in a spinny chair, a big one with leather padding. It's kind-of chilly in the room.

She's not thinking, because all her brain is putting together is that she's still tired. She grabs the jacket off the back of the chair and pulls it over herself. She goes back to sleep.

Rex and Cody wake up together.

They are their actual age, which is to say they're both about eleven.

They find themselves on Mandalore. In the more wild areas.

(let me believe that there are parts of the planet that aren't covered in city)

(also, this is the Mandalore in the cartoons)

They find a teen trying to wake them both up. Rex has absolutely no clue what's going on. Cody has a vague idea, because this girl looks very similar to a picture he once saw...

Obi-Wan does not fare as well. He is 3.

He wakes up in someone's arms. He's just as tired and sore as the other three. However, he's also got more awareness because he's in someone's arms.

He looks up to see who's carrying him.

He looks around at the people walking with them.

He starts crying. He cannot help this, as he is suddenly flooded with Emotions, and he is Smol. Smol = harder to handle Emotions.

Because Qui-Gon is walking right next to him, tapping away on a holopad as they go. Dooku is on his other side, on a comm call where both parties sound very tired.

And Obi-Wan is being held... by Obi-Wan.

So, yeah, not that great for a suddenly Smol Obi.

Now, Anakin is 8, so he's better off in that perspective.

But he wakes up on some remote planet without anyone around. He just was in the middle of a group, so he ends up kinda panicking.

Then he hears something coming towards him, and he panics more.

He's Tiny! He's Smol! He's massively at a disadvantage against attacks! He can't fight off whatever is on a planet like this!

It's Mace (and Depa).

Anakin, however, doesn't realize this. He has gone Feral.

Back to the beginning

Jango Fett has been very busy w/Important Mand'alor Paperwork all day. He finally has time to go and relax a little, and he makes it all the way down to the exit before he realizes:

It is really cold outside. He is not in armor bc he was planning to only do paperwork today (though he still has many weapons). When one plans to stay in the same room for almost the entire day, one does not wear normal garb.

That said, he has no protection from the cold. He forgot his jacket upstairs. He rushes back up to his office.

He distinctly remembers that he left the jacket on the back of his chair, not on the seat.

He also is wondering what that lump is.

He arms himself, grabs some of his "emergency" armor plating, and walks over to the chair.

He lifts his jacket up, expecting a bomb or some paperwork that fell off the desk, or something logical.

He does not expect to find a tiny Togruta child clinging onto the fabric, whining as they're woken up by his yanking of the jacket.

Jango's brain stutters for a moment, then he kicks into action.

First things first, he wraps the jacket around the Togruta. They thankfully stay asleep. Then he turns up the heat, because he knows the office has gotten colder in the twenty minutes or so he's been gone, and Togruta are from warm temperate zones.

He decides to call, in this order, a guard who can help him watch the Togruta (they did break in, after all), a medic to check the Togruta’s health, and the first person he can find in his contacts that might know an adult Togruta.

Next group

Rex and Cody manage to get the teen to stop fussing over them for long enough to ask for her name.

Her, clearly lying, but that’s understandable: My name is Ine.

Cody, who knows exactly who this is now: Oh, kriff. You’re Duchess Satine, aren’t you? Kriff.

Rex: Wait, Satine? As in the General’s Satine?

Satine, now very suspicious and reaching for her stunner: I think you need proper medical attention.

Cody, looking down at their eleven-year-old selves: Yeah, I think so, too.

They agree on one thing, at least.

Next

Obi-Wan is crying. Loudly, uncontrollably, w/too many Emotions to even care that he’s supposed to be an adult rn.

Other Obi-Wan is very uncomfortable, bc he doesn’t know how to handle children too well.

They found this kid unconscious in the middle of a ruined, abandoned town.

Obi-Wan was meant to hold this kid while Qui-Gon did research and Master Dooku tried to convince the Council that it was entirely necessary to bring the kid back to Coruscant. Granted, they can still give the child to the locals at any time before they make it back to their ship, but apparently the Force is Being Loud.

The Force was Being Loud when it told Master Dooku to come along.

The Force was Being Loud when it led them to that town.

Qui-Gon and Dooku have argued fifteen and a half times on this mission, and an additional six times on the flight here. Obi-Wan is trying to mediate but also doesn’t want to overstep. The Force is Being Loud, sure, but the kid is also Force-sensitive so it might be something off that.

He didn’t argue with holding the kid bc he thought that it was better than being caught between the Masters.

Holding a crying child and trying to get two adults to stop arguing bc they can’t decide how to comfort the kid is not better.

Obi-Wan keeps walking past them to the ship with this baby. He does what he’s seen some crechemasters do to the younglings. The kid eventually calms a little, and he belatedly realizes that both Masters are still behind him, not with him.

NEXT

Anakin is panakin.

He is currently in a state of Feralness. His instincts have kicked into overdrive, full-on Survival Mode.

Depa and Mace do not know this. All they know is that there was suddenly an extremely powerful Force presence that started fading quickly (bc Anakin started shielding).

They burst into sight of Anakin and are suddenly attacked by all four feet and some of Feral Force Child.

It’s all they can do for a good minute or so to avoid losing their fingers, eyes, or untorn clothes.

Mace puts a few things together very quickly.

This planet is uninhabited by any sapient life. Therefore, this child is utterly alone. This child also is clearly strong in the Force, and knows how to hide their presence, for whatever reasons. Mace is a Jedi, and therefore is bound by certain duties.

He decides it is his Duty to get this kid back to Coruscant safely.

Back to the beginning

Ahsoka wakes up to find a familiar face looking down at her. She’s still tired, but not as much. She’s very aware of her size, and does a few quick observations.

She does not fully know who Jango Fett is. She does know that some clones run off bc they hate war and weren’t given a choice an- no. Not going down that path yet.

Ahsoka assumes, semi-incorrectly, that she was shrunk or deaged and somehow found by a rogue clone.

She knows it’s a rogue clone bc they’ve got weird armor.

So she does the logical thing and tries to comfort this clone bc he looks really worried and kinda panicked. She stands up on the spinny chair and tries to balance and he practically lunges to help her and she can’t help but giggle, but it comes out in a bunch of chirps instead.

The clone picks her up and looks really awkward so she pats his face bc that’s the best she can do bc she doesn’t want to disprove the fact she’s two yet.

For all she knows, this rogue clone has no idea she’s actually a Commander in the GAR.

He doesn’t, but for different reasons than she thinks.

NEXT

Rex and Cody go with Satine to the city. They have introduced themselves and said that they were separated from their aliit. They don't know where said aliit is.

Satine is highly suspicious by this point, bc these two kids recognized her with only part of her name, and they were alone, and they speak Basic with Mando'a thrown in.

Basically, she thinks that they're children of people like Death Watch, but she's too young to know that Death Watch isn't really into children.

Rex and Cody get checked over by a medic, but also start trying to get access to some working comms. They are refused on account of being suspicious children (which makes them a little upset bc they're not children)(Well, they are, but not those types of children)

They have not yet figured out that they are in the past, bc Cody and Rex only know that General Kenobi talks about Duchess Satine, and they know about Padme Amidala from General Skywalker, so clearly this Duchess is really young and the General simply viewed her as someone he wants to protect.

They are very very very wrong.

NEXT

Obi-Wan manages to calm himself somewhat now that it's just him and... him.

He is three, and he knows roughly what's happening, so he knows he should probably act like a 3yo.

Unfortunately, he has very little understanding of how child ages work. 3 is smart enough to go up the stairs and communicate with adults, but def. not old enough to speak sentences that are 15 words long with at least 2 5-syllable words.

Fortunately, his older (younger?) self doesn't know children either.

So when this 3yo starts telling him that he needs to leave the two Masters on the planet and head to Tatooine really fast, Obi-Wan is more concerned about the idea than the strangeness of "this is a 3yo suggesting this".

Obi-Wan is really good at convincing people. Including himself. He manages to get Padawan Kenobi to leave supplies where the ship is supposed to be and head towards Tatooine.

He says that the Masters will be fine, they know how to survive, and they need to be alone together in order to work through all the tension. Plus, it gives them plenty of time to talk to the Council.

Toddler Kenobi also tells himself that he'll take the blow and say he used a mind-trick.

Padawan Kenobi doesn't believe him yet, but Toddler Kenobi smiles like a very smug adult and says "you'll get there eventually". What he truly means is up in the air.

NEXT

Anakin, since waking up, knows much less than everyone else. Which is saying something.

He knows he's Smol. He knows he's Alone. He knows Someone has come and they are Strangers.

One thing about Anakin's instincts is that they are very much Survival Based. He was Feral when he joined the Jedi, only he had to hold those instincts back for most of his life bc of being a slave.

A slave cannot bite someone who approaches and Vibes Wrong.

By the time he felt okay with being Feral Out Loud, he also felt safe enough that he didn't need to activate his Survival Mode.

What I'm trying to say is that Anakin does not realize how strong his Feral Instincts are. He has absolutely no control over them rn.

When Mace decides to Help this child, this child is trying to Maul them.

Mace makes a small ruckus to draw Anakin's attention to him so Depa can move back. Depa pulls out her saber now that she won't hit the kid. The kid notices Purple and Bright and Lightsaber.

Lorge Jedi Mind says this is Good. Safe. Jedi.

Smol Feral Brain says this is Dangerous. Mean.

Anakin freezes on sight and just starts tracking Depa's saber. She does one of those things where a snake or something is focused and the person waves the fire or the food slowly to make sure the wolf is watching it and usually they toss the thing away so the snake follows it.

Mace instead takes this opportunity to wrap Anakin in his cloak. And Depa's cloak. And the spare ones in their bags.

Feral Child is not happy with this. Feral Child is also unable to scratch or Maul or do things other than bite and snarl.

Depa carries Feral Child while Mace comms the Temple and they walk back to their ship.

The Temple is having a field day.

First, one of their Shadows reports that a well-known bounty hunter got an emergency message from a pal of theirs that said Jango Fett needs help learning Togruta childcare.

Then they get a call from Dooku, which is not the mission report they wanted.

Yoda: Mission report, you have?

Dooku: Of a sort. We successfully spoke with the locals, then went to investigate a rather large disturbance.

Mundi: A disturbance?

Dooku: We found the source to be a Force-sensitive child.

Mundi: So you are here to ask for more time on the planet?

Dooku:...

Yoda: Bring the child back, you wish to?

Dooku, unapologetic: He is of an acceptable age to be admitted into the Temple, and no other beings were around at the time to entertain the idea of there being guardians.

The Council is sighing and muttering bc this is a Disaster Lineage (and they haven't even met the other two yet). Their call is interrupted by the sound of crying and Dooku saying the child's woken up.

Then there's another Shadow who sends a message saying a set of twins that seem like Death Watch were found by the heir of Clan Kryze.

Finally, to top everything off, they get a call from Mace Windu and Depa Billaba. Two very dignified, not-at-all chaotic Jedi from a perfectly respectable lineage.

Yeah, most of the Council and the Order itself forgets that Yoda had a hand in raising Windu. Yoda "Feral Grandpa" who throws children at every problem. Grandson isn't doing too well? Throw a child his way. Other grandchild is struggling to cope with grief? Throw another child their way. Oh, there's a war going on and newest grandchild is angry a lot? Here's a child!

The entire lineage has a soft spot for children.

Anyways...

Mace: Our mission was a success. We found the artifact and both specimens.

Koth: How long until your return?

Mace:...

Yoda: Found a child, you did?

Gallia: Master Yoda, that's a rather illogical guess. Once is unusual, twice is-

Mace: Oh, did Qui-Gon find a child as well?

Yoda, smugly: Bringing the child back, are you?

Depa, from the background, after a rather loud snarl is heard: We do not bite things, young one.

*more snarling*

Mace: We have no reason to believe he was not alone.

Tiin: *deep sighing*

Mundi: *mild confusion noises*

Koon, eagerly: Please send photos of this youngling. For the archives, of course.

Mace, nodding sagely: Of course.

*extremely loud yowl* *sounds of Mace turning*

Mace: DEPA!

Depa: He nearly bit off my finger!

Mace: That doesn’t mean you pinch him!

Depa: What else am I supposed to do?!

*sudden exclamation filled solely of Mando’a, Huttese and Twi’leki curses*

Mace: So, I don’t know if he speaks Basic, but Master Che should be able to talk him through a check-up.

Yeah, several Council members are experiencing headaches now. Normally, they would have some empathy for Mace and his own stress-induced migraines. They currently do not.

Right after that call, Dooku calls back to say that Obi-Wan has left without them.

Mundi: He left the child with you, right?

Dooku:

Mundi: He left the child with you, right?

Obi-Wan did not leave himself with the Masters. Obi-Wan has listened to Mini-Obi and is off on some wild space adventure to a criminal-run planet.

The toddler won’t stop staring at him. He asks for a name. The kid says to call him Ben.

OW: Is that your name?

“Ben”: It is a name I am called :)

OW: That isn’t what I meant.

“Ben”: I know :)

Ben also keeps staring at OW’s lightsaber. OW decides to make sure the kid doesn’t start playing with it when he isn’t looking.

MEANWHILE

Ahsoka has figured out that she was really very oh-so wrong. She’s on Mandalore. As in, the Mandalore that is under Jango Fett. Bc she’s with Jango Fett. He’s holding her hand bc she was nervous about the strange looking medic (who was just wearing armor, but not clone armor and civies don’t wear armor.)

Ahsoka knows very little about Jango Fett. Clone Buir, Mandalorian leader, tried to kill Master Kenobi. Also dead.

He asks how she got in. She shrugs. She is too small to fight back so she can’t let him know anything. Whatever everything is right now. But also, he doesn’t seem mean or evil or anything.

Oh yeah. Skyguy said that Mandos love children. That's why the clones were so protective of her, even with Skyguy on her side of the argument.

She decides to use this to her advantage. She can probably get herself a comm, and enough time to call the Temple. If she can convince them she at least knows a Jedi, then they can come get her and she'll work from there.

ELSEWHERE

Rex and Cody are getting really upset. This Duchess is really nice, but she's acting really weird and keeps insisting she's not actually called Duchess. No one will give them a comm, they keep getting weird looks for speaking Mando'a even though they're on Mandalore, and Satine's father keeps mentioning a Fett. Maybe Boba's set a bad example again.

Rex starts to fall asleep, to his chagrin. He's too bored, sitting and getting some abnormally extensive check-up. Cody is fine, but he's used to the calm that is General Kenobi. Rex usually has a Togruta teen in the vents and a Human that is never where he's supposed to be.

Rex does, in fact, fall asleep. His "twin" starts glaring when a doctor goes to wake him up. Cody makes it clear that his brother is like Cat: once asleep, you do not wake.

Satine is giggling, but trying not to let the others hear. Cody does. Cody looks at her. They have a stare-off.

Cody goes back to glaring at the doctors. He will not admit to any emotions besides Protect™.

BACK TO

Obi-Wan and Ben have made it to Tatooine.