#and because so little people actually let us know that we're appreciated

[sxcret-garden-archive]

currently really struggling between "I wanna do so much for my readers and write for them and make stuff I know they'll enjoy <3" and "idgaf I'll write solely for my own entertainment because 95% of people here don't even know what a fucking reblog button is"

[dazais-guardian-angel]

the ADA reunion/hug scene was so bad, with zero emotion in it....... i was angry at first as always, but now i don’t even have the energy to stay angry, i’m just sad. i’ll always be sad.

[vaspider]

Last year I wrote about what happened at Pride when a couple of kids didn't understand why us older folx were so bitter about Reagan.

This year, I have something a little softer.

Someone who looked a little older than me came up to the booth wearing a pink t-shirt proclaiming him one of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, San Francisco chapter. As I was ringing him up, I asked if he'd been involved for a while.

"Yes," he said, "for a bit," in that way us middle-aged people do when we're sort of wincing and feeling old.

"Okay, well," I said, sitting at my register in my queer booth full of queer clothes and patches and pins, topless in public for the first time. (I had pasties on for my own comfort bc I was working, but I live in the city of the Naked Bike Ride, and I took full advantage). My baby brother and both of my partners ran around behind me, my brother wearing a loose tank top that makes his scars visible.

"I need to tell you that you all helped keep me alive."

He blinked at me as I continued, "I was a kid in high school in the early 90s. I lived in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania, and what you all were doing was so loud and so out there that even I heard about your work. It was one of the things that kept me alive. So thank you, and please thank the rest of the Sisters."

I heard about them through people in my parents' church complaining about them, and then I sought more information through the beginning of the internet, through newspapers, through anything I could find. I found the cover of Newsweek that one of the Sisters was on. I read about their "exorcism" of fundamentalist preachers whose books sat on the shelf in my parents' basement and probably still do. I saw how loud and colorful and unapologetically queer they were.

The knowledge that someone was out there, so full of defiant joy, refusing the shame that people kept trying to put on them? Oh, that kept me alive. I saw them, and I knew I could make it through. I wrapped my hands around that knowledge, and I held on so tight.

It took me a long time - a long, long time - to unwind most of it for myself and get to the point where my fat butch ass was sitting bare-chested in the July breeze, looking up at him as he held out his arms and said "you're actually giving me chills." I answered, "I mean every word. You helped keep me alive. So thank you."

I never know what to say when people come up to me in public and tell me that I helped them or changed their life in some way. I appreciate it, and I genuinely love the people who apologized for "fanpersoning" at me last weekend, I just never know what to say. I'm incredibly grateful that the Sister I spoke to was incredibly gracious, saying "usually we give blessings, but I feel like you blessed me." Another member of the party let me pet their tiny dog, who was not very interested in me, and that's okay. It was an overwhelming day. Then, they moved on.

Me? I'm still sitting with the fact that I looked last weekend into the faces of people who didn't know they were holding my head above water, and that I got to tell them the work they do matters. It's a rare thing to get to tell someone, "You saved me," and I'm treasuring it.

Last weekend, I wore my new battle vest with nothing underneath it, unless it was too hot, and then I just sat in my chair, chatting and ringing ppl out with my skin free to the air. I decided last year that top surgery isn't for me, but that also I'm going to love this body unapologetically, and it's no less a transmasculine body because the soft new dark hair on my belly isn't accompanied by pink scars along my ribs.

I didn't get here on my own. I got here because someone else cut through the undergrowth ahead of me so I could take another step forward. Here I am, decades later, still taking step after step, one at a time, and trying to lay paving stones behind me.

Last weekend was another step along that way, another step through unwinding the fear and shame and sadness that my parents and their church built into me. Another step out of hating myself for hiding parts of myself for so long, for acting out in other ways to distract people from my queerness, for feeling so much guilt when other people tell me I'm brave, because I know how much of myself I hid for how long because I was a coward, because I was afraid.

Another step into expiating stigmatic guilt.

[fishnapple]

How to love yourself better? A request letter from yourself. (Channelled message)

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost

Book a reading with me - KO-FI (Read this post : personal reading)

1. White

Dear myself,

If I could light a fire right now, I could, just to see if that fire can compete with my light, our light. And yet I got a feeling that fire will burn brighter than us, just because it had someone to start it. But ours didn't. We stowed our fire away, our light, for fear of burning the eyes of the world? Or for fear of being engulfed in the sea of darkness outside?

Have you ever seen a solar eclipse? People gathered to watch it, a brief moment of the sun being eaten. A brief moment. Imagine how the world would be if that brief moment turned into a very long moment, an eternal one? Panic, fear, despair. We have prolonged our solar eclipse for far too long, let the Sun has its shine. Does it sound arrogant when I talk of us as the Sun? No, you should get used to it. To be the light, the be seen. Even when the Sun seems like a solitary existence on the sky, it's not, so are we.

I wanted to tell you many beautiful words, give you praises and a pat on the head. Sounds embarrassing, right? We should learn to do that more often. And then practice it with other people too, we all need it sometimes, a lot of times.

Do you know what will happen when we turn the anger on ourselves? Somehow, it will ricochet inside us and finally shoot out at other people. It's painful, for us and for them. Let's hold it in our hands, watch it breathe and stroke it gently, find where does it hurt and tend to it, then poof- it's gone. You catch anger not by throwing it around and putting it in a cage but let it heal and fly away on its own.

I'm sure that sometimes you will find yourself drowning in life, in other people's water. Losing yourself could be your worst nightmare. But you will never lose me. It's odd how we're surrounded by people but feel like we are alone in our struggle. Where did all the people go? Are they also drowning like us? In a different sea? I hope that all the seas are connected to each other so we can all find others to swim with us.

Till the next sun rise, yourself.

2. Pink

Oh, how I want to just throw away everything and run barefoot on the sand. To lie face up, watching the clouds passing by for hours. To paint the wall bright pink and yellow (this combination might hurt your eyes if you stare too long, though). But we're not a kid anymore, or so people have told us, much like how we've told ourselves, convinced ourselves to behave.

It's fascinating to watch the process of our resistance to what is taught to us. Why do we resist it so much? It feels like being gravely offended. We have our principles, and now we have to listen to others telling us what is right? What is wrong? Let me tell you, in a small whisper, it's actually nice to listen. Just listening, not obeying. It will feel like swallowing a rock. Maybe we could learn from the chickens a little, metaphorically. They swallow small rocks to aid in healthy digestion. So let's swallow some of the hard lessons.

You always like to think in concrete fashion. You try to touch your thoughts with your own hands and knead them, mould them into whatever you want. And when you're dropped into a relationship with someone, you find yourself lost that ability. It's all a jumble mess. You find your hands reaching out, grasping for something. How about the other person? Are you afraid that you will lose yourself if you hold on to them? It's fine, you won't. It's just an outdated belief that you've held on for far too long.

As we were talking about swallowing, you may want to watch what you're swallowing into your stomach, literally. Watch what you eat! Don't make yourself, ourselves suffer by bringing unhealthy things into our body. We may want to live long, you know.

Hey, if you find a dance class is too embarrassing, how about we turn off the light and dance with each other in the middle of the night. Nobody will know, but we will feel good (I'm not trying to be a flirt with myself here)

Your best friend, love.

3. Red

Make me a cup of tea, please.

Let's have a chat, just us, lying around lazily, sipping our favourite tea, imagining some weird scenarios to entertain us, playing some puzzle.

I don't have much to tell you because we talk to each other every day and I know you always try to be better for us. I love you and I'm proud of you. Let's be vain and give ourselves applause every day. Make it a pinky promise.

A reminder when you're feeling sluggish and slow, we are going to exactly where we need to be. You are guided and protected.

Keep on shining and be the little kid that runs around in the rain.

I love it when you're running wild, letting yourself, me, free, splashing colours everywhere. I just want to grab other people's hands and drag them to the dance. I love it when you're laughing, loudly, even better when you jolted others around you, oh, their surprised look, priceless.

Just be sure to take care of your body. Don't over tasking them. Work hard, play hard, but rest hard also.

Have you been thinking about going on a trip somewhere? No? Then, allow me to make a gentle request. Let me put the idea in your head. Go on, go to wherever you're thinking, there might be a surprise waiting for us, *hint: it will make our heart flutter*.

Let's make it a ritual to go on a trip every year. Let's give our mind and spirit a makeover. Dust off any tangled mess we have and prepare a space for new things to come into. I'm so excited.

It's got me thinking lately, there's this small blinking light in the back of our mind, sometimes I can see it, sometimes I can't. I want to find out what it is. It's like a signal, trying to reach us, can you feel it? Sometimes, there's this odd feeling swelling inside that you can't put your hand on and naming it. I think if we can sit still, quiet, in the dark, we could see it better. It's guiding us. To where? I got a feeling that it's somewhere deep, somewhere with a treasure, waiting for us. If we can uncover it, it will be the greatest gift that the universe has ever given us. So let's go and find it.

Love, myself.

4. Green

I have some news for you. Brace yourself for changes. They're coming, very fast, very soon. Sit yourself tight. I don't want to give spoilers, but I guess we will receive some sudden confessions or offers. What you will do with those confessions is completely your choice. You don't have to feel guilty if you don't return their feelings, my dear.

I think the way the universe is sending us this kind of surprise is telling us to reconsider our 'single' thinking mode. We have stood alone, strong and independent for so long, I think it actually makes us a little too comfortable in being alone that the thought of getting into a connection with someone can be daunting. Will we lose our freedom? What if we are dependent on them? This time, the universe is saying: 'you and your worries will not make a good journey together, break up with those worries, here, I will throw in some opportunities for you to practice '.

If you don't want romantic connection at the moment, fine, different types of connections will come. No matter what, the universe is determined to get us involved with other people. It's for our own good. I have to admit that it's hard. It's not easy to change our way of thinking and believing. So surprises will be needed.

When opportunities come, the gate is opened, we just need to receive them. Walking through the gate will feel like walking out of a confinement into the wild, lively world outside. We will be propelled into a new path that we hadn't even considered in the past. Beware of what you said in the past about how you don't want to do something, you can't imagine yourself doing something. Well, guess what, we are going to do just that, joke on us.

So, in the meantime, even if you're resisting, it's fine. Just take care of yourself, of us. Obsessive worrying can sadden our body.

Something is going away, giving space to a new energy coming in. This new energy will be softer, more loving. The harshness of the past will go away soon. Trust me.

Love, Your companion.

[miiilowo]

attention. please

i have to do this again, unfortunately!

i've been homeless for a little over a year now. the place my mother and i have been staying is no longer an option, and we have to be out by tomorrow (august 8th 2023). we currently have no other shelter except our car, and i really dont know what we're going to do. its me, my mom, 3 cats and 5 kittens, and none of us have a place to go.

the money my mom is currently making isn't enough to support all of us, and we need extra money to spend on me getting an ID so i can get a job and/or get commissions up and running. alongside that, we just really really really need all the help we can possibly get in the financial department

the gofundme im linking has outdated information, but its a good place to donate if you can help us out. itd be greatly, greatly appreciated; we really need it right now if we want to continue. yknow. living

Edit: we now have an RV!

edit 2: the kicking-out-date was correct when i made this, but the person we're staying with has been nice enough to let us hang around until he's made sure the RV is ready to go (no leaks and whatnot). so im still at the house. if thats important information

edit 3: we are.....still at the house. despite the rv being fixed. i sort of feel bad because people donated in what we all thought was urgency, but he simply hasnt Actually Kicked Us Out Yet. i am grateful for that. we're trying to save as much of the donated money as we can for renting a space for the RV and to put down deposits for a house in the future !

its okay if you cant donate, but please share and reblog!!!!!

[harunayuuka2060]

Professor Vargas: No. Definitely not. I would rather build her a house than have her join a dorm full of guys.

Crowley: But... That would add up to our expenses-

Professor Trein: WHICH we could easily afford, headmage.

Professor Crewel: Yes. I agree.

Sam: Look at us already have taken a liking to our little imp!

Professor Vargas: Ha! Yes! The moment I saw her, I claimed her as my daughter!

Crowley: ...

Crowley: *clears throat* Very well. Uh... While we build a house for her and her son, she could stay in the little tent I lent her-

The professors: GIVE HER A ROOM.

Crowley: ...Okay.

Crowley: I suppose the Pop Music Club would not complain if we used their club room for this purpose.

Professor Crewel: Your house will take a month to complete, so you will need to stay in this classroom for the time being.

F!MC: Thank you, professor. And I apologize for causing so much trouble.

F!MC: If there's anything I can do to pay your kindness back, please do tell me.

Toddler Riddle: Yeah. I will help too.

Professor Crewel: There's no need. I will be assigning a housewarden to help you in setting up this room.

F!MC: Th-Thank you, professor!

Professor Crewel: Don't mention it. Have a nice day, pup. *then takes his leave*

F!MC: ...

F!MC: *lets out a sigh of relief* *then smiles at her son* Isn't this great, Riddle?

Toddler Riddle: *nods* Mama doesn't need to knock on people's doors anymore.

F!MC: *hugs him close* Yes. You're right.

Kalim and Lilia: Me! ME!

The other housewardens: ...

Professor Crewel: I am actually thinking of appointing Rosehearts for this job.

Lilia: Crewel, the room they're using is the Pop Music Club's.

Kalim: Yeah! And I want to be friends with her!

Idia: Well, Kalim could definitely buy some furniture.

Lilia: Yes! And I'll buy her son toys!

Professor Crewel: ...

Professor Crewel: Rosehearts, what do you think?

Riddle: I don't mind.

Azul: Are not you appointing him since the lady's son shares his name?

Professor Crewel: Yes. That's the reason.

Riddle: ...

Riddle: Thank you for accompanying me, Cater and Trey.

Trey: We want to meet the lady too.

Cater: I met her in person, and she is really nice. Though it felt like I was talking to someone older.

Trey: *chuckles* She's a mother. Of course, you would feel that way.

Riddle: Ah. We're here.

Riddle, Trey, and Cater: *noticed that the door was slightly open and decided to peek inside*

F!MC: *cuddling her son while reading him a recipe out of a cookbook*

Toddler Riddle: Mama? Do we have to follow everything in this?

F!MC: Hmm... I think we can change the shape of the eggs and carrots.

Toddler Riddle: I'll make them stars.

F!MC: Oh! That will be great, Riddle! Do you want to cook it yourself? Mama will make you mini-kitchen utensils!

Toddler Riddle: Yes, please.

Riddle, Trey, and Cater: ...

*The three decided to move steps back.*

Cater and Trey: *communicates through eye-contact*

Trey: 'Mini-kitchen utensils.'

Cater: 'Yes. And that's so adorable!'

*meanwhile*

Riddle: *his mother issues are trembling*

Riddle: Professor Crewel, I would certainly appreciate it if you would not assign me chores related to assisting the lady.

Professor Crewel: Why? Is there a problem?

Riddle: ...

Riddle: N-No...

Professor Crewel: I was hoping you would be friends with her because you are the same age and can serve as a role model for her to strive more in the future.

Professor Crewel: In any circumstance, I would delegate responsibility to another person. Do not worry.

Riddle: ...

*Back in Heartslabyul*

Trey: Riddle? What happened to you? Why did you run?

Riddle: I had a pressing task to complete.

Cater: Well, Trey? Have you seen how happy they were when we gave them the mini-kitchen utensils? 🥺

Cater: Ridz said thank you and called me "Uncle Cater".

Trey: *chuckles* Yeah. You almost squealed because of that.

Cater: By the way, Riddle? MC was looking forward to meeting you.

Riddle: Huh? Why?

Trey: She's interested to know what our Riddle is like. You know, someone her son can look up to?

Riddle: ...

Riddle: Maybe next time, Trey.

Riddle: Definitely...

Trey and Cater: ...

[russellsppttemplates]

This drawing is for you (Lando Norris)

Matilda already has her love language, handing out her drawings to people

Note: english is not my first language. Look who showed up, hm? Honestly, the last two weeks have been a bit all over the place and I've been meaning to post way more than what I actually have

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"Mummy?", you heard your daughter call for you, walking to her playroom since you assumed that's where she was, "yes, baby?", you made your presence known.

"Can we stop by the stationery shop when we go and pick daddy up from work, please? My colouring pencils are getting too small", she showed you a few examples, the colours you recognised from having a big presence in her drawings belonging to pencils that you were barely able to hold in your hands yourself.

"Of course, Tilly", you smiled, "speaking of which, we have to leave soon. Are you almost finished with your drawing?", you wondered, "yes, mummy, I just need to finish colouring in the sun", she mused, grabbing the tiny yellow pencil and carrying on with her work.

When she finished, she set the pencil down, stopping in the bathroom to wash her hands and heading to the door to meet you, "hold your sleeves", you nudged as she held on the hems while you put on her jacket, not wanting her to let the clothes climb up her arms and be uncomfortable.

"Let's go, mummy!", she cheered, walking downs the stairs into the garage so you could get in the car and drive to the factory.

As you were driving, your husband called, "hello, love! We're already in the car on our way to get you, we're going to stop by the shop to buy some colouring pencils for Tilly so we don't have to wait too long for you", you said, turning on the blinker once you faced the junction.

"Hi daddy!", Matilda spoke loudly, hoping her could hear her like she heard him, "How are my favourite girls today? Actually, I was calling because the meeting ended early and I'm ready whenever you want to pick me up", Lando voiced as you saw your daughter smile from her spot in the back of the car, "you can come with us to the shop, then!", she said excitedly.

"That's a great idea, love! Me and Matilda will go and pick you up first, then! We're ten, maybe fifteen minutes out, depends on how traffic is, it looks okay, though", you muttered, finding it easy so far to drive to the factory.

"Okay, I'll be waiting for you! I love you, girls! Drive safe!", he said before ending the call, Matilda clapping her hands excitedly at the prospect of seeing her father earlier than expected.

By the time you arrived at the factory, Matilda had listed all of the materials she would like to get so her drawings would be pretty. Parking the car, you got out, putting on your coat as you walked to open Matilda's door, "let's go, Matilda!", you smiled, unbuckling her belt and making sure she was cozy and warm to face the cold end of the day temperatures.

Everyone in the factory knew you and your little one, so they would have at you, knowing they would have a difficult time at getting many words out of your little girl, usually a sweet smile, a wave and a small and quiet "hi" before she held onto your legs and hid her face there.

Lando was laughing loudly, so it was easy to know that as soon as you crossed that corner, you'd find your husband along with one of his mechanics and engineers.

Matilda smiled as she saw her daddy, releasing the grip she had on your hand, but keeping them laced until Lando and her locked eyes, "hello, my loves!", Lando said, crouching down so his daughter could finally unlace her hand from yours and run up to him, hugging him and allowing him to pick her up so she could kiss his cheek, "Hi, daddy", she whispered in his ear.

Even though there were only two other people beside her parents, she was still shy as they greeted her, "Hello!", they said as she waved, smiling before hiding her face on her father's neck.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Goodbye Y/N, bye-bye Matilda!", they said as they went the opposite direction, you and Lando bidding goodbye whenever you encountered someone until you were in the parking lot, ready to get in the car.

"Do you want to drive?", you asked your husband despite already knowing the answer. He hated not being in control of the situation if he could, so driving his family around was non negotiable most times, only sitting as a passenger when he was very tired.

Buckling Matilda back in her seat and kissing her forehead, you got into the car yourself as your husband drove to the usual shop where you got your daughter's art supplies and your own whenever your work required materials.

"Do you already know what you want to get, babygirl?", Lando asked as the three of you walked inside the shop. It was unusually quiet for this time of the day, and a small part of Matilda was happy because she could go up to the shelves and drawers she already knew had what she needed without having to ask her parents for help in moving along the shop.

After grabbing the supplies she needed, she took them to the young woman at the front so her parents could pay for it, "have a nice day, Matilda! I'm sure your works of art will be beautiful!", she said. You and your family were regular costumers, so they had already grown to know your name and hers, so they had managed to get in the small group of people that were not family and friends and Matilda didn't feel to shy with.

"Bye-bye, have a nice day, too!", she waved sweetly before running up to her daddy, "very good, Matilda, I'm very proud of you for that!", he said, kissing her cheek and walking along with you to the car.

.

The McLaren unit was working on full speed as you arrived, coffees and other drinks being served as guests arrived or workers carried on with their day, you opting to go to the track, along with Matilda, after the initial morning rush so you wouldn't have to deal with too many people at once.

"Do you want to to go to daddy's room or stay here?", you questioned her, "here in the lounge", she replied as you walked to one of the tables near the windows so you could be near the sunlight that had graced the weekend and be a little further away from the buzz.

"Do you want to draw with me, mummy?", she offered once she was comfortably sitting on the chair, taking her pencil case from her backpack along with the blank sheets of paper.

"Sure, love! Let me just text daddy so he knows where we are when he finishes his meeting", you smiled, grabbing your phone to text Lando before setting it down and grabbing the things you needed.

"Are you drawing daddy's car?", Matilda asked sweetly as she took a peek at your work, "I am! Do you think it's pretty?", she nodded, "but not as pretty as yours, I love your butterfly", you complimented.

As she was finishing colouring in the wings, one of the girls from the PR team came to greet you, "Y/N, Matilda! It's been a while since I saw you around!", she cheered, kissing each of your cheeks as you did the same to her before she noticed your daughter looking at her, "hello", she said in her usual quiet tone.

As you spoke with the young woman, your daughter carefully folded the paper and ripped it by the crease she had made so she could separate the small drawing from the rest of the plain paper.

"Alright, girls! I'll see you later!", she said as someone called her name, presumably with a task for her to do.

"You can have this one if you'd like", Matilda spoke, showing her the drawing, "really, babygirl? Thank you so much, I'm so flattered!", she said, accepting it and keeping it safe in her notebook, "I'll keep it here until I can get home and put it in my wall, okay?", she nodded as your little girl blushed at the attention, nodding too.

.

Because the practice session was being used as the scheduled opportunity for the reserve driver to do a few laps on the track, Oscar joined you and Matilda as you looked over the cars on track.

"I need to go to the bathroom. Do you also need to go, Tilly?", you asked your daughter, earning a head shake no, "I'm good, mummy", she said, going back to colouring in.

Excusing yourself after Oscar assured he'd keep her company, Matilda was quick to silently offer her crayons to the Australian man along with her colouring book.

"Where are Lily and Lucas?", she asked for her usual companions for the weekend. They would often be together so you and Lily could catch up while the kids entertained themselves in eachother's company.

"They stayed back home this weekend", Oscar explained, "but they told me they wish they were here. I think they're coming to Silverstone, so we will all be together then", he smiled as she gave him a small smile, too, noddinh in agreement and taking out her new glitter pens.

They start colouring and not saying much, only asking eachother to please hand them a crayon or pen the other couldn't reach or if the drawing looked good. Matilda felt understood by him, so it was no surprise that, besides her family, he was the person she felt the most comfortable with spending time in the paddock.

.

"Where's daddy taking you, little miss?", you asked as you saw Lando change the t-shirt your daughter was wearing. Under her dungarees, she now had an orange McLaren t-shirt, matching her father as he held her on his hip, "we're going to hand in drawings I made, and I didn't want to do it alone, and since you said you were feeling tired, daddy said he would take me", she smiled, kissing your cheek when you got up to kiss your husband's lips and her forehead.

"You sit tight, alright baby?", Lando urged, "me and Tilly want you to be well rested when the time comes to watch the race", he kissed your forehead. You hadn't slept that well the night before, so when Matilda had built her collection of gifts, she didn't want to tire you out more.

Leaving the hospitality, Lando walked with Matilda, asking her where she wanted to go first, "Can we find uncle Seb first? Mummy and I saw him when we arrived, but there were a lot of people near him so we said we'd see him later", she reasoned as Lando quickly searched for the retired German driver, "there he is, love", he pointed, walking in his direction.

Despite her initial confidence, Matilda felt shy as everyone's eyes landed on her and her father, cooing at the sight of them matching and the fact that little Norris had showed up, too.

"Hello, Matilda! How are you?", Sebastian asked, smiling at the duo as she retreated, hiding her face on his neck. Her backpack was open as Lando pulled the art pieces out.

"Didn't you want to give something to Sebastian, gorgeous girl?", Lando encouraged, kissing her cheek sweetly and giving her time.

"The bee one, daddy", Matilda whispered against his neck where she kept hhalf of her face hidden as Lando flickered the drawings, finding the one she meant.

"Is this for me? Thank you, Matilda, this is very nice!", Sebastian said warmly, making he little girl smile at him.

"Who's next?", Lando asked, "Charles, I made a drawing for him with a sea, because he lives in Monaco", she reasoned.

.

"And on the screens now we can see the McLaren garage this afternoon, where Lando Norris has his little one and his wife here this weekend!", Natalie said looking at the screen along with Naomi.

"That's true! Little Matilda has been in the paddock with her parents this whole weekend, and yesterday I had the privilege of seeing the cutest scene! She was hiding behind Lando's legs, but she kept holding some of the drawings until she found the people she wanted to give them to!", Naomi added, "she had one for Sebastian, for Charles, and she also shared some with the McLaren crew, too!

"And when I was interviewing Oscar this morning, Matilda walked closer to us and asked for his help to get the drawing she made of me - I have it right here, let me show you! - and this is the cutest thing ever! I have an orange suit - because of papaya, she said -, and my braids look so good with this glittery accent, see?", she showed Natalie as she nodded, "she's usually a very quiet little one, but she's an artist for sure. She takes after her mummy, so I've heard", she smiled into the camera.

"Yet, this morning, when me and the crew were deciding where to go first, we caught a father-daughter that made our hearts melt, take a look in the screens!", Natalie finished.

"Is it silly, Matilda?", Lando tried, seeing his daughter give him a full belly laugh as he drew a crocodile with rain boots, "crocodiles don't need rain boots, daddy! They can swim and walk all the same!", she giggled, delighting the people who were watching and hearing her laugh. "Well, maybe I should give him some floaties, too! Should I make him pink ones like yours?", he tried, earning another set of giggles out of his little girl.

[cavegirlpoems]

The Two D&Ds

I am going to make two statements:

I despise D&D, and consider it a parasitic drain on ttrpgs as an artform.

I love D&D and my fascination with it continually inspires me to create art using it.

These two statements might seem to be at odds, but in fact there is no conflict when one considers that the term 'D&D' is being used to refer to two completely different things. I hate one of those things and like the other. So let's unpack that. Firstly, there's D&D-as-a-lifestyle-brand. D&D as presented by critical role, by memes about horny bards and wholesome gay tiefling found families, and by the wider hasbro-sanctioned fandom. Where the actual design and mechanics of the game are a vague suggestion that exists homeopathically in the same vicinity as what you're doing. But really, you're inventing blorbos, collecting pretty dice, and speculating on events in an actual-play on twitch; the rules in that very pretty rulebook are an afterthought to the fandom.

Then there's D&D-as-a-family-of-ttrpg-mechanics. This covers the various editions of Dungeons & Dragons - from the white-box OD&D to 5th edition and everything in between - as well as various retroclones, hacks and spin-offs such as the OSR, Pathfinder, etc. This isn't defined as a cultural space; it's a set of game mechanics and design principles shared across the text of various games. And there's a lot of variation with the specifics, but like The Blues, if you know the basic structure it all makes sense.

The two D&Ds have very little to do with each other.

When indie people like myself criticise D&D, we are usually criticising the first one. We're generally outsiders to that fandom-space who are unhappy with the way that fandom encroches on, and ultimately stiffles, everything else in ttrpgs as an artistic medium. We tend also to dislike the very shallow interest in that fandom of the things we care about in ttrpgs - game design, gameplay, theory, criticism, etc.

Here's the thing. I am, personally, immensely critical of D&D-as-lifestyle-brand. I detest it, honestly. It strikes me as a corporate exploitation of the wider medium in pursuit of an easy profit, at the expense of catering to the lowest common denominator. Like invasive kudzu, it chokes out all ecological diversity in the art-form. Its a homogenising influence, and in my experience pretty anti-intillectual.

Because, at risk of sounding like a pseud, I consider ttrpg design to be an art-form that merits serious effort, discussion and appreciation.

However. D&D-as-a-set-of-games I actually quite like. I find myself fascinated by the way so many games take apart the starting framework of a given edition of D&D - like your 12-bar-blues structure - and adapt it and riff on it and fuse it with other genres. I find it interesting to track the way whole movements and genres mutate out from that starting position. Hell, I do that myself, a lot. A lot of my design work takes the very early editions of D&D as a starting point, gets into a groove, and riffs on it until it's seemingly unrecognisable.

To me, a work like Mork Borg is D&D (the second definition). It is, however, totally unrelated and unrecognisable to D&D (the first definition).

So I will talk about "D&D as the containment game for shit players" and I mean it, because I'm talking about type-1. And I'll do that while designing a paleolithic OSR game, because that's type-2. And by and large, all that happens when both those things intersect is people get upset.

[aossimusings]

Claire from the Bear, and why she's not badly written, she's just not occupying the character role people expect of her and they don't know what to do with that

Alright. I'm bringing some film student analysis to The Bear, and subsequently, Claire, because I'm tired of people saying crazy things like, "she's a manic pixie dream girl" or that her character is underdeveloped or badly written or that she's pure male fantasy or any other crazy, extremist reaction to her character, when really, I think she's occupying a different character role than we're used to seeing from characters like hers, and in typical The Bear fashion, we as an audience are not being told how to interpret her character with words, but with visual and narrative structure.

Be warned, this is a very, very long post.

Lets take a minute to understand narrative structure in film:

There's an A plot and a B plot. The A plot is what is referred to as "the promise of the premise." It's why you come to watch what you watch. The B plot is all the emotional character development/growth that undergirds the A plot and makes it emotional and impactful. So in the Bear, The A plot is the whole thread of, let's fix the Beef -> let's make a new restaurant -> let's get a star, etc etc, that evolves with each season. The B plot is mostly centered on Carmy (although other characters also have their own smaller B-plots) and on him healing from his grief and family and kitchen trauma and finding himself as a person, etc etc.

Claire as a character is a B-plot character. Her role as a character is to be a part of Carmy's emotional B-plot development, whereas the rest of the characters in the show occupy roles in both the A plot and the B plot. In a show centered

The thing that I think is causing a lot of the discourse around her character is the fact that she's not occupying a typical character role for her sort of character, and then people don't know what to do with her. They're either trying to slot her into a a bad female character role (like a manic pixie dream girl) and are then angry that that type of character would be included in the show, or they think she's a badly written attempt at a more developed character and are then angry because they think her character was fumbled, when in fact, she's neither.

Let's take a minute to examine these two roles:

The Manic Pixie Dream Girl

A manic pixie dream girl as defined by the Oxford language dictionary is:

"(especially in film) a type of female character depicted as vivacious and appealingly quirky, whose main purpose within the narrative is to inspire a greater appreciation for life in a male protagonist."

On paper, I can see why people would say that she's a MPDG. She's a little quirky, and she appears to "inspire a greater appreciation for life" in Carmy. She's a doctor, but she's a bad driver, she loves Mondays, she shoplifted in high school for the adrenaline rush, etc, etc. But I would argue that she's not actually a MPDG because her role in the narrative is fundamentally different than that of a MPDG.

In terms of narrative, MPDGs are a catalyst. They are crucial to the movement of the plot and the development of the main character. Specifically, they're supposed to be a catalyst for main male character growth. This is part of why MPDGs are a sort of problematic character -- the idea that they don't get dimension as a character, yet their entire role is to catalyze the main male character's positive growth and evolution is sexist. They aid the MMC at the cost of their personhood.

However, notably, Claire doesn't actually inspire positive growth in Carmy. He is not made better for knowing her. He doesn't grow as a person, learn from his mistakes. He isn't calmer or nicer in the kitchen, he doesn't resolve any of his trauma, I would argue that he doesn't even have a "greater appreciation for life" as is critical to the relationship between the MMC and the MPDG; he is just as depressed and anxious for knowing her as he was when he didn't know her.

So Claire: not a manic pixie dream girl, despite being quirky and trying to "inspire a greater appreciation for life."

The Badly Written Main Female Character

I think for a lot of viewers, if Claire isn't a MPDG to them, she's viewed as a badly written, badly developed main female character, who isn't afforded a lot of screen time, and as such, is one dimensional because she doesn't get much character development.

Wait, what? She's a badly written main character without a lot of screen time to develop? But part of being a main character is to have significant screen time to develop! But Claire doesn't have a lot of screen time... Tina has more screen time. Sugar has more screen time. Marcus has more screen time. It's almost like...Claire isn't a main character, even though, as a love interest, she occupies a role typically only allowed to main characters.

So then...what is she? To understand her narrative role, we need to take a minute to understand what Carmy's B-plot has established thus far. My apologies for the following, very drawn out explanation of Carmy's mental health. I promise I'll return to Claire, but this is important.

Carmy's B-plot (aka, the emotional stuff)

Seasons 1 through 3 are essentially following Carmy having a slow, drawn out breakdown. Or rather, it's not slow. It's a pretty realistic depiction of someone who is pretty mentally/emotionally unwell continuing to not get the help that he needs, and trying to fix things unsuccessfully on his own. But admitting that he's unwell feels like admitting defeat, so he's trying to fix things while never actually admitting that he needs help, and as such, is in a self-destructive spiral of trying to fix things unsuccessfully, feeling out of control because of it, trying to fix different things unsuccessfully, feeling even more out of control, etc etc.

By S3, we have a better understanding of the Berzatto family structure: an unnamed father who walked out leaving them in debt, Donna who is/was an alcoholic and otherwise emotional black hole, Mikey who died at age 43 (born 1979, died 2022 as seen on his prayer card), Sugar who's 36 a year after his death (born 1988, confirmed by her hospital intake in Ice Chips), and Carmy who is 26 a year after Mikey's death (confirmed by the original script.) So when Carmy was born, Sugar was 10 and Mikey was 18. This is important because in light of Fishes and Ice Chips, Donna was an alcoholic for as long as they were children, was incredibly unpredictable with mood swings, poor emotional regulation and maybe even emotional abuse (see how Carmy and Sugar essentially are trying to regulate their mother's emotions in Fishes), and probably some physical altercations if Donna's behavior in Fishes is anything to go by. Sugar explicitly says that she frightened all of her children. Mikey was probably the de facto parent in a lot of instances, being the only other adult in the household. The fact that he was also an addict, and as seen in Fishes, also violent or unpredictable at times, complicates this. S3E1's scene with Sugar and Carmy at the airport implies that after Mikey started cutting Carmy out (and struggling with addiction) Sugar started to assume that parental role. So that's a whole fucked up childhood right there, with very little room to healthily develop emotions or coping mechanisms or an understanding of healthy relationships. In ice-chips, Sugar demonstrates that she's aware of this. "I ask people if they're okay way too much," and "I'd make myself sick to make you feel better." Everything with Carmy's character demonstrates that he does not have this self awareness.

Carmy explains in his al-anon monologue that the rhythm of the kitchen became soothing to him, because it was so rigid and so predictable (a direct contrast to his home life.) But while it was soothing, he also cut contact with people in his life, because the self-isolation made things "quiet" (and probably gave him a feeling of control, like most self-destructive impulses do) which led to him being incredibly isolated and incredibly dependent on work as a coping mechanism by the time he ends up working with the abusive NYC chef. Important thing to note about that: now his only coping mechanism has been polluted by abuse as well, and the trauma of that will haunt him increasingly throughout the seasons (coupled with the fact that he's probably never learned how to healthily process his own emotions, in part because he ended up having to set them aside to emotionally regulate his own mother.)

Then Mikey kills himself. (which again, is the fucked-up family figure of brother and parent and addict and idol all rolled into one suddenly dying on you after abruptly cutting your out of their life)

I say all this because I want to make very clear that mentally, Carmy is not well. Across his various al-anon monologues, the fridge conversation, his flashbacks, etc. it becomes really clear that he's never really had any sense of safety or security in his life except for maybe when he was 18-24 when he did the French Laundry, Ever, Noma, and Daniel. The amount of anxiety that he experiences in his day to day life is not normal, it's not healthy. It's exhausting and damaging. He's also probably pretty depressed, and probably had been even before Mikey and NYC chef. He talked about in al-anon that when he was a kid, he could never feel happy or excited about anything because he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop (arguably because of his mother, because if she was upset, she made everyone else upset to deal with it, and if she was happy, he was waiting for her mood to shift.) We very rarely actually see him happy or joyful in any of the seasons. So basically, as evidenced by that and what we see in the seasons, he's got this really damaging spiral of anxiety and depression, where he's so anxious he can't feel happy.

Pursuit of happiness is actually what brings us to Claire as a character. He meets her almost right after he talks in al-anon about the fact that he should "provide amusement and enjoyment" for himself. Then he meets her in a grocery store, and promptly, and deliberately, gives her the wrong phone number. Personally, I read this as Carmy knowing that he's not ready for a relationship. He pursues it anyways, for likely 2 reasons:

Pursuit of happiness. Sugar always wanted him to get away from the Beef in S1, now he's trying to get some space and do something to "provide amusement and enjoyment"

Mikey! In Fishes, Mikey was really excited about the prospect of Carmy dating Claire. At the time, Carmy was like WTF, but in the wake of Mikey's death, this is probably a way of connecting with him. See, I can do it! I can date a girl! I can do this thing that you thought would make me happy. I can be normal. I can be what you wanted.

Now a little film student analysis:

One thing that I love about the Bear is that they're really good at the whole concept of "show don't tell". You'll hear about this a lot in writing advice, but it's actually even more relevant in film. Here's a good example from the bear:

The Bear never, ever says that Carmy has anxiety. I'm not even sure if the word "anxiety" is even said onscreen. Instead, The Bear shows:

Carmy drinking bottles of Pepto Bismal and chewing fistfuls of Tums, yet rarely eating anything

Carmy sleep walking and almost setting his apartment on fire

the sheer amount of nervous energy he has (tapping spoons, sharpies, cigarettes, etc. , never standing still, being generally twitchy)

some really great tricks with filming and lens that make the world around him shift focus, shift perspective, blur, and otherwise visually simulate the effects of an anxiety/panic attack.

In film, you have to be incredibly intentional about what you keep in and out. In my first film class, when we were doing film analysis, a lot of people would start "I'm not sure if this was intentional, but..." and the film teachers immediately shut that down with this statement:

"assume everything is intentional. even if it wasn't, someone still chose to leave it in" meaning that, in film, what you see on screen is actually a fraction of the material that filmmakers had to work with; if something makes it through to the final cut, it was important.

I mentioned before that despite Claire occupying a main character role as a love interest, she does not get main character screen time. Like I said above, I think a lot of people perceive this as her character being done a disservice, that she's badly written, that she's meant to be this perfect male fantasy, etc, etc.

Firstly, I present to you the fact that characters such as Sugar, Sydney, Tina, Donna, all have absolutely beautiful storylines and arcs. They're complex, well-written characters. I don't believe that Claire's lack of screen time is because the show-runners secretly idolize manic pixie dream girls and women of "male fantasy" and thus Claire is supposed to be this perfect person who doesn't need any screen time to be developed (which feels like a thread I've seen a lot.). I really don't think the show runners are secret misogynists. Sorry.

What I do believe is that Claire as a character is not meant to be central to the story. The show very intentionally spends more time developing Carmy's relationships with Sydney, Tina, Sugar, Richie than it does with Claire. Why? A host of reasons.

1. Because Claire is a new form of escapism for him, not that the kitchen is no longer is sanctuary.

I talked before about how after the NYC chef, and I would argue, now that he's trying to start his own restaurant, his one safe space of the kitchen has become polluted with the same chaos and/or abuse from the rest of his life which he spent years running away from. But because he's so isolated, he has no where else to go. So he creates somewhere to go, by creating a relationship with Claire. That relationship is his new form of escapism.

The show communicates that to us in one very specific way: 90% of the time, if Carmy is with Claire, we don't see him. This is not 100% true 100% of the time, but there was a clear pattern that developed in S2 that time spent with Claire is time spent off screen. I think a lot of people see this as "not developing Claire's character" and not giving her screen time, when in fact it's more so about Carmy's absence.

When he ditches Sydney to move boxes with Claire, we never see that scene. We just assume that he was doing it.

When Sydney is trying to figure shit out in the restaurant by herself, it's implied that Carmy is with Claire, but we don't cut to them.

When Carmy talks to Sydney about all the menu things he talked about with Claire, we never see those scenes.

Why? Because he is escaping The Bear by being with her. It would be a very different narrative if we actually did see these scenes, because it would demonstrate that they have an emotional weight and importance in the show. Instead, they're defined by their absence.

Carmy and Claire's relationship is defined by its absence in the show.

2. Claire is not the right type of partner for Carmy, and we're not supposed to believe that she is.

I think it's interesting to look at Carmy's relationship with Claire through Sugar's relationship with Pete. I was talking with some people and they observed that in a lot of ways, it makes sense that Sugar would be with Pete because he is completely non-threatening. In many ways, he's the opposite to most of the men in the Berzatto family (note: I'm not saying Berzatto men are threatening.) But Berzatto men are loud, and opinionated. Some of them engage in behaviors such as: screaming in their kitchen, and throwing spoons and sharpies; throwing forks like darts at their relatives and also shouting; telling their nephews that there nothing and worthless and will never be anything; walking out on their families and leaving them in debt; lording their financial success over various family members. You also have Donna as a parental figure who also throws things violently, yells and screams, is an emotional black hole, and has aggressively grabbed Sugar at least once. Pete is about as far away from all of this as you can be.

I think that Claire is Carmy's Pete in a lot of ways. She's quiet, and calm, she's non-threatening, etc. She's not emotionally manipulative, she doesn't ask much of him (so when she does ask things of him, it's a welcome escape), she is a doctor, which is meant to help people. However, and part of why I don't think their relationship would work in the long run, is that Carmy doesn't need a Pete. Sugar has an emotional intelligence that Carmy doesn't, for one thing. For another, as alluded to by Ice Chips with Sugar listening to the podcast about Adult Children of Alcoholics, each of them were affected differently by their traumatic childhood. And quite frankly, I think that Carmy needs someone who can be gentle and empathic and quiet with him, but also someone who won't take his shit and can stand up to him. (because unlike Sugar, who tends to internalize everything, Carmy has a tendency to externalize everything.) He tends to take it out on the people around him, and I think he needs someone who can simultaneously shut that down and hear him out. And I don't think Claire is that.

3. The chemistry just isn't there.

I don't want to get into an argument about shipping. I can't predict if Carmy is going to get back with Claire after some emotional development, or if he's meant to be with Sydney, or whatever. Personally, I think that any discussion of a relationship is premature (and I think that Carmy knew that subconsciously when he gave Claire a wrong number and was very hesitant on the phone when she called him the first time.)

What I have observed is this: the few scenes that we do see of Carmy and Claire feel a lot less emotionally charged than other scenes in the show. Forgetting romantic relationships, there is so much more emotion and connection in the following scene than in the scenes we see with Carmy and Claire:

Richie and Carmy's conversation about purpose in S2.

Carmy and Sydney's conversation under the table in S2.

Carmy and Mikey's conversation in the pantry in Fishes.

The snippet in the fridge when Carmy's talking to Tina.

The scene with Claire that really sticks out to me having emotional weight is the scene in S3 where they talk about the days of the week, Carmy's hand scar, and Claire accidentally almost killing that girl in the ER. It hurt so much you couldn't feel it. Firstly, it's telling that that scene happened in flashback, not during their relationship, and secondly, the main thesis of that scene was more of a commentary on trauma than it was about their chemistry (ie, Carmy is so traumatized atm, he doesn't realize that he is because of how much it hurts.)

This demonstrates to me that a) the show writers can write emotionally powerful scenes, and scenes with chemistry, and b) the lack thereof in scenes with Claire was an intentional choice because it demonstrates that other relationships are more important for Carmy's character than the one with Claire.

For all that Carmy said that he loved Claire, we never see any evidence of it. It's told, not shown. Whereas his affection for other people in his life isn't mentioned, but it is shown: "I have time for this" and sitting down to talk to Richie about purpose. Buying Sydney a monogrammed chef's coat because she liked his.

His relationship with Claire is important for what it helps demonstrate: his desire for escapism, his self-destruction, his emotional immaturity, the fact that he has other very important relationships and that he needs to deepen those bonds, the fact that he needs to get his priorities in order. It's not so much about Claire. And maybe that will read as sexist to some, because it's more about him than it is about her, but I don't think she's really meant to be a main character either.

[nmakii]

Omg ! I didn't think you'd actually respond !! We're gonna fly away from here is easily one of the best ones in the series!! It's so Twisted and disturbing but almost domestic... (Also tysm for including my name idea in your story, Idk where it came from, I just liked it and I appreciate you!) I digress. I've returned with a concept. Al almost always has a plan when he does something. I don't know where you want to go with the second child but this won't be too focused on that one...for now. I really liked how you interpreted Alastor being a weasel and weaseling his way back into the families life and was thinking about how many I wonder about if he has a plan right now, like not a long term one, obviously, but a very specific one for a 'short term'. Women back then, especially in the south weren't allowed to have bank accounts so finicial trapping works well in this case. Also just kinda the ability to turn their kids against her would be enough to terify me. People talk about the 1950's housewife, but oh my god, 1920's housewives were a new kind of depressed. I, personally, don't think Alastor is the type of physically abuse women. No, he's far too classy for that. Instead, like I said, I think he'd either use his status in their house to trap his wife. We were able to run away while we were pregnant and alone, but we have a child now...and would we be willing to leave our child with him? No, I don't think I would, personally. This was just me rambling. K, love u, currently hyperfixated on this au. Byeee !!!! _ Cherry Anon!

DON’T REALLY WANT NO TRUST FUND BABY

[before reading this, read the rest of the story!]

— seems as if alastor found out your little secret

— UR TOO SWEET I SC THIS ON MY IG STORY AND YAPPED TO MY BOY BSF FOR AN HOUR AB IT IM BLUSHING SO HARDDDD!! ABUSE WAS LIT MY LAST SOCIAL STUDIES LESSON FOR THE SCHOOL YEAR MY TCH YAPPED AB FINANCE SO HARD 🤭🤭

being married to alastor, the radio show host is quite the sensation in your town. but, behind the closed curtains, alastor did things that would’ve made lucifer shake in his boots.

no, he didn’t hit you. his mother would kill him if he hit his wife. but, just because alastor never hit you, didn’t mean he didn’t abuse you.

he tormented you in the worst way possible, through noah. and now, emilia.

it’s been 3 years. your little emilia lives up to her name, a cute little girl who’s eager to win. and, little noah is now a big boy, double digits and all.

and, since you’ve returned back to his house, alastor has done nothing but twist your babies’ minds. ‘once upon a time, mama wanted to run away from daddy… so, she ran away and took big brother with her. daddy was sooo worried for mama and big brother though… daddy was able to track mama down, and took her home!’ he cooed to your daughter, bouncing her in his arms— with you right beside him!

you wanted to yell; scream. of course, emilia was too young to understand what alastor was saying. but, still— the fact that he was trying to tell your children that he was some sort of white knight who saved you from yourself. you wanted nothing less, but to snap that neck of his like a twig.

you really shouldn’t act so brashly though. to outsmart alastor, you have to think like him. think of what’s smarter in long run.

alastor was ‘kind’ enough to give you an allowance. $200 every week for groceries and whatever you may need. he’s even so kind as to let you have some ‘private bonding’ with noah and emilia as they accompany you to the farmer’s market.

thankfully, you had a father who wanted to make his little girl survived even without a husband. and so, you had to hear all of his ramblings about finance. saving about 45% each week for 3 years… was about $14,000!

if you saved just a little more, you’d be semi-financially independent until you can get a proper job to take care of your children. it was run-away money, so to speak.

you hid the money in noah’s room. after all, who would expect money there? especially $14,000? and, it worked, for a while. every monday, while you tucked him into bed, you brought the money with you and hid it behind his dresser.

until, what had seemed like a normal tuesday. you came home from the tailor’s, getting back a dress that noah accidentally tore. when you came home, it was only two hours after noon. and despite that, alastor was home.

“a-alastor..! what are you doing home so early? you have a broadcast in 2 hours…” you narrowed your eyes at alastor, on the floor with your children, many new toys surrounding them. “ah, darling! i decided to pick up our children early, and we may have splurged on our little shopping spree…” he smugly grinned. “oh..? where’d you get the money?” you raised your eyebrow, closing the door and laying your bearings on the dining table.

“funniest story ever, my love! there was a random stash of money in noah’s room! seems as if the tooth fairy came early!” he laughed. random stash of money in noah’s room..? “oh. i see.” your breath stopped for a minute, thinking of what kind of consequences could come from it.

“do you have any idea how that money landed there?” he side-eyed you, expecting a lie. “perhaps it was from the old owners? you know this house, there’s so many secrets in here.” you said. “i see… i suppose you are right, darling!” he giggled.

you were back on square one. financially dependent on your husband, if you could even call him ‘husband’. as you climbed up the stairs, you heard alastor whisper to your son. “you see that? momma lied. she got less talkative when papa asked her a question.”

this is what alastor’s been teaching your son. as much as you want to protest, you did lie.

oh, how much you wished for much more simpler times. playing with your baby boy in the kitchen as you make little treats together for his snack at school. and now, the boy alastor’s turning him into— a cunning sociopath, the lord only knows what he will teach your daughter.

this is just a minor setback, it has to be.

[jealousmartini]

List of things I am excited to experience in my K-pop idol dr(s) !

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

💭 — CONCERTS AND CROWD WORK

I FORGOT TO ADD SOMETHING HERE☠️☠️

Doing crowd work with my fans while performing is SUCH A DREAM FOR ME OMG. That's like one my main reasons I'm excited to have a concert because I want to interact with my audience; exchanging glances, throwing stuff for one of them to have and of course performing at my best.

🍊 — COLLABS AND HANGOUTS

Okay okay, I know I have yapped in the past about being excited to meet BTS, but first, let me name a list of groups/idols I am so hyped to be in a 2-foot radius of because sometimes a girl cant help but shriek at the thought of them🙈:

NEWJEANS ||

I FUCKING LOVE THESE GIRLS SO MUCH NO ONE GETS IT. Just a little fun fact, MKB(my own gg) is considered to be like an older sister gg to NEWJEANS because they are both famous 5 member girl groups. Some people even say that NEWJEANS' aesthetic is like a younger sister to MKB's; even though MKB isn't all that "mature" it does give off an older sister feel in contrast to NEWJEANS' AND ITS SOOO CUTEEE😭😭

WONYOUNG — IVE ||

In my dr, Me and Wony are really good friends, and we have each others contacts. I've gone to battle for her in my tiktoks and tweets against antis (I am very much popular for this too since it's considered controversial to speak out in defence for another idol and she isn't the only idol I've fought for😭😭) cus she's literally the sweetest idol ever?? I actually love her to death.

CHAEYOUNG, NAYEON, SANA, MOMO, JIHYOU — TWICE ||

In my opinion all of TWICE is so cute and I freaking love them all, but I am closest to these five. They're some of my closest girl friends because they were the first friends i made (other than my members lmao) and I love them all so much please I can't wait to meet them (especially since MKB and TWICE both exist under JYP so we're basically always hanging out)

BTS ||

No, because you guys. the dating, fighting and relationship rumours that are gonna be floating around me are gonna be CRAZYY cus of how many frequent interactions I have with the group/ the members individually and how much i talk about them because I am SO down bad for them PLEASE (but we can't let them and army know you guys shhh🤫) and I also just be having the LOUDEST MOUTH EVER🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️

But aside from how badly I want each and every one of them, Me and MKB are super cool friends with BTS; usually, 1 or 2 of us will visit them for whatever reason needed and whatever occasion like watching them behind the scenes, sometimes, we will appear on their lives in person or on phone (cus we have each others contacts😝🤞🏾), we always wish them happy birthday (as they do back to us), and few times some of us will make special appearances on their game challenges on RUN BTS too.

Also, I'd say I'm closest to being with Jungkook, Jimin, Namjoon, and Taehyung- BUT I get along very well with Yoongi, Jin, and Hoeseok too. I just hangout with those 4 the most out of all of them. [EDIT// Actually I do hang out with Jin too what am I talking about]

STRAYKIDS AND ATEEZ ||

More hot men. Idk what to say more about this LMAO😭😭

💭 — LIVESTREAMS AND BIRTHDAYS

MKB is most infamous (other than our music of course) for our ridiculous lives. But my favourite kind of live is the birthday one. The moment of appreciation and love sent from fans and the celebration from my family members and staff is so precious and important to me. The thought into the gifts and the messages mean so much more to me than what anyone could imagine and it gives so much meaning to birthdays because they are so important to me.

🍊 — PRODUCING, FILMMAKING AND BTS

I have always been a big music nerd and my urge to produce music for a loving and interested fanbase makes me feel so warm. it's just what my silly little heart was made to do.

I have also been super interested in being involved with the work behind the scenes , not just being in the scenes of our music videos. I really want to have a say in what the concept of the video to match the music will look like, the outfit ideas, the hidden lore in the videos. It's just such a dream come true for me, and I'm even excited for whatever travelling needs to be done, too.

💭 — STUPID SPECULATIONS/RUMOURS ?

Being nosey and attention seeking is a deadly combo. Always gotta know something, always gotta be talked about somehow (and I usually prefer the fake dating allegations cus they're just so funny and sometimes cute depending on who I'm being shipped with lol)

🍊 — FOOD

I am THE BIGGEST foodie there is I swear. I have always craved and cried to eat real Korean (and East asian) food without thinking about my money or my skin as well as usual meals too and as much as I want (because I scripted my manager let's me eat anything I want since I don't gain weight (I scripted this for all idols tbh cus I just want to see wony eat SOMETHING😭🙏🏾))

💭 — V.I.P STUFF

When I say VIP stuff, I mainly mean 1st class vacations and trips. I freaking LOVE exploring and travelling.. ON LAND. When I shift though, this will be my first time flying on a plane and I'm kinda excited, kinda frightened. I have a slight fear of heights so I'm gonna have to brave through it and try not to throw up or something.

🍊 — FANMADE GIFTS (fanimations, fanfictions, fan art, real life gifts, fan edits, etc.)

I am so freaking hyped for this stuff you guys stop. One of my main love languages is gift giving and receiving, and I already get so hyped when I get a gift on a random day from a family memeber😭😭.

The fan edits and fanfiction are gonna be crazy tho omg the ships..😭😭😭 (I WILL be looking out for the ship fanfics best believe.)

💭 — GOOGLEBOX BUT ITS KPOP IDOLS

"STOP TALKING ABOUT GOOGLEBO-" STFU AND LISTEN HOE🤬

Okay, so before I explode for excitement, I had this idea to make take the Googlebox celebrities and make a K-pop idols edition, and it couldn't be more perfect. Of course, you might be worried about how little privacy and time to myself off camera I may have now that I've added this into my dr, but never worry!

I scripted MKB to get 2 weeks to a month long breaks depending on stuff like exhaustion, injuries, meeting families, or just having a well-deserved vacation. I also scripted that our fanbase is very respectful of our space and don't bombard us if we're spotted in public.

Edit: O.m.g applies to all the things I said about MKB too guys I just cba editing everything add o.m.g in rn

@4ellieluv @cocozydiaries @samara444 @theshifterbear @livingmydreamlife5555

[thezombieprostitute]

Dream Come True - Part 4

Summary: The “Garbage Men” are the guys in the mob who get the dirt on others and clean up after the higher ups. They have many different ways of gathering intel by running legitimate businesses. One such business is Jefferson/Jensen’s cyber cafe where you regularly go to work. You’ve actually become good friends with Jefferson’s daughter and Jensen’s niece. You even volunteered as their after-school tutor. One day, there’s a robbery attempt where you get hurt protecting the girls. This is how you are introduced to Curtis Everett, the guy in charge of the “Garbage Men”.

A/N: Reader is plus sized, femme. No other descriptors used.

Word Count: ~2000. I think this is my longest chapter.

Warnings: Bullying, Fat shaming, Insecure reader, Violence mentioned and referenced but not written. Please let me know if I missed any!

Series Masterlist

Part 3 -- Part 5

It figured. You had an interview in an hour and now Curtis had time to talk to you. You could probably catch a cab and still arrive on time, so long as you kept this conversation short.

As soon as he walked into the cyber cafe (your second home at this point) you stood up and got his attention. He looked a little surprised to see you standing but you remembered every time he's seen you so far it was in a hospital bed. It's been a few weeks and your leg was still stiff but you were diligent in your physical therapy and healing well.

He walked over to you, accompanied by someone you didn't recognize. As soon as he got close enough you directed him to the office in the back, "Jefferson gave me permission to use his office for this discussion." Curtis nodded and the three of you went into the room, closing the door behind you.

"Hello," you reach a hand towards the stranger, "I'm Y/N. I don't think we've been introduced."

"Mace," he shakes your hand with a smile. "We've never met but I have heard a lot about you."

"It's nice to meet you," you return the smile. Looking at Curtis you continue, "we need to talk about either my schedule or Hal's, Sir."

Curtis gestures to the chairs and you all take a seat.

You start, "I understand that there are a lot of things you can't account for in your scheduling but Hal has had to cancel every session I've tried to have with him. And if I'm not tutoring, I'm not getting paid."

"We can put you on retainer," Curtis started.

You interrupted him with a scoff. "I'm not getting paid to do nothing, Sir. What's more, this is hurting Hal. He wants to learn but your chaotic scheduling is preventing that. Do you know how discouraging that can be? To finally have a resource but never be allowed to use it?"

Curtis sighs and looks at Mace, "do you think we can figure out a consistent time?"

"It'll take some work," he replies. "And, as the lady points out, there are things we can't plan for. But it should be possible."

Curtis looks at you, questioningly and you nod your head, "thank you both. This has been very frustrating for me and Hal so I really appreciate it."

"Eh," Mace replies, "what's a little more work?"

"Well I don't mean to cut into your time off with this, Sirs," your tone apologetic.

"We don't do time off," Curtis cuts in.

"What? Why not," you demand. "Time off is important for physical and mental health."

"We have to show our people that we're not asking them to do anything we wouldn't do ourselves," Curtis replied calmly.

"That's bullshit," you exclaim. "No wonder everyone's schedules are so hectic! You're all too exhausted and worn out to think straight!"

"We've been doing this for years," Curtis angrily interjects. "It's clearly been working."

"If you, Hal and Jake are any indication it's only working because of an ungodly amount of caffeine and luck," you retort. "You either need to get some more people or start scheduling R&R for you and your employees, Sir."

You're so focused on Curtis that you don't see Mace smiling, clearly trying not to laugh. Curtis's eyes soften a bit and he nods in concession.

"Thank you." You check your watch, "now if you'll excuse me, I have an interview to get to."

"What?" Curtis looked shocked. You almost think you saw some hurt in his eyes.

"My work for you will always get highest priority, Sir," you assure. "But it's very part-time work, that you’ve been unintentionally sabotaging and keeping very part-time. And that overly generous back pay won't last forever. So I'm looking at getting another income."

"Do you need a ride to the interview," Mace offers.

"No, but thank you," you reply. "The Wilford & Gilliam Trust building isn't too far and I can afford a cab."

Both men froze at your words as you got up and tried to leave. Curtis quickly blocked your access to the door and nearly growled, "you're not going to that interview."

"Excuse you?" Your eyes widen in surprise. "I've already told you that my work for you will get top priority and that I need the income, Sir. Now please move. I don't want to be late."

"You're not working for Wilford & Gilliam," Curtis barked. "You need another income? Fine. I'll find you another job. But you're not working for them."

"It's just a part-time, data entry kind of job," you retort. "And it's consistent, reliable work."

"They're horrible people who fund even worse people," Curtis scowled. "I know you like your data to back up these kinds of things but I can't tell you how I know."

You scan Curtis's face, take aback at the intensity of his conviction. There is no room for doubt that he believes in what he's saying. "Okay, Sir," you concede. "You've yet to do wrong by me so I'll trust you. I will still look for a second job, in case you can't find me one, but it will not be with them."

Satisfied with your answer Curtis let's you leave. As soon as you're out the office door he sees the grin on Mace's face. He gives him a questioning look but before Mace can say anything they hear you exclaim, "Mr. Drysdale?!"

Both men rush out to the main cafe and see Ransom looking uncharacteristically repentant.

"Y/N," Ransom gulped, "come back to work for me. Please."

"No," you responded before trying to walk around him.

Ransom blocks your path, "please! I...I made a mistake and I would like to make it up to you."

"No," you repeat, patience wearing thin.

"I'll double your pay, please!"

"Hire someone else!"

"I'VE TRIED," he shouts. "Their work doesn't get me through writer's block like yours did. Their research is all dry facts that are hard to absorb. You wrote in such a way that it was easy for me to figure out how to write it into the story. So PLEASE come back to work for me!"

"Do you know why I requested remote work, Mr. Drysdale?" He shakes his head, not used to the iciness in your voice. "I heard you complaining about me to your grandfather, the one who made you hire me. You never had a problem with my work but you still insisted he let you fire me so you could get a pretty assistant. One who was, to use your words, preferably fresh out of college. Because how could you be expected to write when you had to look at ugly, fat ass instead of a beautiful muse?"

Ransom at least had the decency to look ashamed but you didn't relent.

"So I worked remotely, making sure you wouldn't have to see me and I wouldn't have to put up with your looks of disgust. And then, when I got hurt, you cut me loose. So, no, Mr. Drysdale, I will not be working for you ever again. I prefer a reliable employer who appreciates my work."

You try to walk past him but he puts an arm out to stop you. Before you can react to the arm, Curtis has pulled Ransom away, gripping him by the front of his sweater. You don't want to cry in front of everyone so you keep walking, set on going home.

As soon as you're out the door Curtis snarls, "you do not treat any of my employees like that." Before Ransom can reply Curtis punches him in the face and he falls to the floor. Curtis glances at Mace who responds with a nod, promising he'll see to the witnesses, before he lets himself run after you.

Thankfully it was an off time of day and the sidewalks were mostly empty. He spotted you right away and quickly went after you. He caught up to you but the tears in your eyes made him stop in his tracks. 

“Y/N,” he asked. “You gonna be okay?”

“Eventually, Sir,” you reply, still walking. “He’s not the first asshole I’ve had to deal with and he won’t be the last.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I should’ve stepped in sooner.”

“I’m glad you didn’t, actually. He needs to know I’m serious and that I’m strong enough to not need him. If you had stepped in before I was done talking, he’d think he could still get to me by going around you. This way I got to be the one shutting him out, giving him no room to think he could worm around.”

“That’s fair. I was incredibly impressed with how you handled him.”

“Like I said, not the first asshole to put my looks ahead of my worth.”

“Your prettiness is definitely a bonus to your good work,” he says before he can stop himself.

You stop and look at him, an angry expression and fresh tears on your face. “Don’t, Sir. Just don’t. I’m not interested in your pity.”

“I’m not…” Curtis stops himself. He’s clearly not saying the right things and doesn’t want to hurt you further. “I’m sorry.”

You nod and continue the trek to your apartment. He silently accompanies you. You’re hurt and he can’t fix it. If anything, he’d likely just make it worse. He never wanted to see tears in your eyes but being the cause of a fresh wave of them made him hurt in ways he never knew he could. 

“This is my building, Sir,” you interrupt his thoughts. “Thank you for walking me home and making sure I’m okay.” He nods, still afraid to say or do anything else, and you walk into your building, leaving him on the sidewalk. Part of him wants to follow after but he’s not sure he’d be able to actually do anything. Best if he just gets lost in his work. That’s always helped him before.

As he turns to walk back to the cybercafe, he sees Mace in their work van, parked on the curb. He moves into the passenger seat and sighs. As Mace drives away, Curtis says, “okay, we’ve gotta rework a few schedules.”

Mace chuckles, “if I’d known all it would take to get you to relent was a pretty face with a fiery spirit-”

“Don’t,” Curtis interrupts. 

“I’m just saying,” Mace bantered. “I’ve been telling you for a long while now that we need to give the guys a better work environment or they’ll burnout and make stupid mistakes. She makes one comment about how it affects her and you’re singing a different tune.”

“That’s not what happened.”

“I was there, Curtis. I saw it all happen.”

Curtis remained silent.

“I can’t say I blame you, though. She’s got some serious-”

“ENOUGH,” Curtis ordered. “Let’s just get to thinking about some more work for her.”

Mace took a calculating look at Curtis, “how about we have work with Colin and Mickey? They could use someone responsible to act as their manager. We could get better info from their VIP section if at least one person was sober. And you know they’d make her feel…appreciated.”

“No,” Curtis barked. “They’re idiots who would get her in trouble. I also don’t want her anywhere near the drug monitoring operations. If one of Rumlow’s goons pushes something on her…”

“Okay,” Mace interrupted. “How about Lee or Barber? She’d be pretty safe with them.”

“No. She’s too curious. Lee and Barber have information about us and I don’t want her to go snooping and suddenly be liable for our mistakes.”

“You’re intent on keeping her in the dark? She’s clearly smart enough to know there’s more to all of what we do.”

“But she has no specifics. No details. She can still claim ignorance and that’s how I want it.”

“Not sure how plausible an idea that’s gonna be. Especially when you two start dating.” Mace smiles a little when he hears Curtis’s warning grunt. 

“That’s not going to happen,” Curtis vows. “We’ll figure out something.”

“Whatever you say, Boss.”

Part 3 -- Part 5

Tagging @alicedopey because I promised I would.

@dontbescaredtosingalong

@icefrozendeadlyqueen

@texmexdarling

@veltana

@winter-soldier-101

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged.

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Gray 58

First / Previous / Next

Fen rushed through the airlock into Home. "Where is she?" she said, looking around. She was wearing her Empress uniform, but it was mussed and Gord thought that some of the buttons looked like they were not right. He thought that was odd, Fen was always very put together when she was in her role as Empress.

"Fen!" Zhe said as she came into the dock. She had taken a shower and was in clean clothes, her fur still damp. Running up to Fen, she dove into her arms. "You came!"

Fen caught her easily and smiled. "Of course I came, Zhe. When Gord said he found you and you were in a beat up escape pod, I rushed over as soon as I could. "She put her down gently. "What happened? Where's Northern?"

Zhe looked away. "She's... changed Fen. I don't know what happened. Did you know she was a warship? Before, I mean." She looked at Gord and looked back to her. "And again now, I suppose. She's said that Parvati is independent! They want to break away from the Empire."

"They what?" Fen stared hard at Zhe. She didn't look like she was lying, or if she was she believed what she was saying. "Parvati is breaking away?" Her head whipped over to Penny. "Did we know this?"

Penny flipped open her tab and scrolled a little, her slender fingers tapping. "Nothing on the main channels, I'll reach out to the backchannels Fe- Empress."

Fen shook her head. "Zhe is an old friend, Fen is fine."

Penny smiled. "Okay Fen."

Zhe watched the interaction between them. Even though she was K'laxi, Zhe could read human body language. Without the fur that K'laxi had, she actually found it easier. She thought that humans exaggerated their body language, and hardly anyone picked up on it! They were all open books. There was clearly something going on between them. "Fen, aren't you going to introduce me?" She flicked her tail in amusement.

"Oh! Yes!" Fen sputtered, but only for a moment. "Zhe, this is Penny, my assistant and... friend."

"Friend?" Zhe giggled, with a quiet barking noise. "She sure seems like more than that to you Fen. Calling her a friend when she's more doesn't seem nice to her."

"Uh" Fen blushed crimson red. "Yes, she's very... special."

Penny's smirk intrigued Zhe. She was clearly enjoying this. She bowed her head slightly. "Pleased to meet you Zhe, Fen has talked a lot about you."

"Has she now?" Zhe's ears flicked. She was also having a bit of fun at Fen's expense. "We'll have to discuss what she said about me-"

Gord cleared his throat dramatically.

"-later." Zhe said, glancing at Gord.

"I appreciate you coming to quickly after I called." Gord said. "But I assume that you'll be missed if you stay very long. If she's up for it, why doesn't Zhe go with you back to Venus?"

"Yes! That's a wonderful idea, Gord. What do you think, Zhe? Want to come back with us to Venus?" Fen said. She was just happy the conversation moved away from Penny and Zhe ribbing her about Penny.

"Sure, I guess. Are things going to be weird on Venus because I'm K'laxi?"

"Not at all! I've got entire labs of K'laxi helping us with research. You should see some of it Zhe, it's real wild stuff. I have K'laxi on staff, and even some Sefigans have been invited down to work with us. One of the few nice things about being Empress is that I can tell people to do stuff, and they actually do it! I said that we're going to stop all this Humans First nonsense, and they did!" Fen was becoming more and more animated as she explained more about what she was doing.

"Or they moved it underground." Zhe said

"I suppose..." Fen said. "But that's not important now. Come with me, let me show you around, it'll be like old times."

Later, aboard the ship Fen had commandeered, the three of them were eating dinner in Fen's quarters. The Captain had given up her room for them during the trip. The link to Venus and landing was only going to be a couple of hours.

"Okay, so give me the details." Zhe said, around a mouth of food.

"Details?" Fen said, but her cheeks started to flush again.

"Hah! You know what I mean, I can see it on you. How long have you been with Penny?"

"Oh, um, half a year or so." Fen said, blushing again. "She came on as my assistant and she was so good at it. She really helped me get a handle on this whole Empress thing. She's just so smart, and capable and and..."

"And pretty?" Zhe said, smiling.

"So pretty, don't you agree?" Fen said, nodding quickly. Penny smirked and watched the two of them.

"Oh you two. You flatterers." Penny said, taking a sip of coffee. "Let me know if you want to join us, Zhe. It would be fun."

"I-er, um, that is, I mean, thanks, but... I need to think about it." Zhe said, her fur rippling up and down in embarrassed waves.

Now, it was Fen's turn to grin. "Actually, yeah, let us know Zhe." She laughed. She turned to Penny. "So what do we know about Parvati? Zhe explained what she learned from Northern, does that match up with what we know?"

"We haven't heard anything official from the Parvatian government yet," Penny said, "But nothing we've found has indicated that Zhe's information is incorrect. Though we also don't know what they mean to do about it. Announcing your independence is one thing, but fighting to keep it is another entirely. We don't even know if the rest of Parvati is onboard with this. Northern could be part of a rogue splinter group."

"Northern was the one that fired the relativistic impactors at the shipyards and bases on Luna." Zhe said, quietly.

"Hmm." Penny made some quick notes in her pad. "Did you tell Gord?"

Zhe shook her head. "No, I didn't. He didn't ask, and..."

"And Northern was still your friend," Penny said.

Zhe nodded and said nothing.

"Northern did that?" Fen said softly. "She was the one that did all that damage, killed all those people?"

Zhe nodded. "I was aboard. She said it was the only way to get your attention. I didn't want to do it. When she launched and explained what she was doing - that was when I ran away." Her eyes were wet with tears. "I'm so sorry Fen. I didn't want to do it."

Fen stood up and walked over to Zhe. She embraced her while she was sitting and leaned her head against her shoulder. "You didn't do it, Zhe. Northern did. You didn't build those weapons, you didn't launch them. It wasn't your fault."

"She's making more! She'll attack again." Zhe said, sobbing. "I don't know what to do."

"We're going to be prepared for it this time." Penny said, firmly. "We've set up more beacons around the inner system. We have large masses with wormhole generators in key locations. The beacons will detect the wormholes, and will immediately link the masses into the path of the weapons. They'll connect with them, and will be knocked off course, or ideally destroyed."

"Will it work?" Zhe sniffed.

Penny nodded firmly. "It will. We're ready now."

When they returned to Venus, Fen and Penny were whisked away for a debriefing and an update about what had happened while they were gone. Zhe was given VIP status, and a heavily armed guard brought her to Fen's suite, saluted sharply, and closed the door behind them.

Zhe walked around the suite, and sighed. It was only a couple of years ago that they were all together and running around the galaxy, but it felt so much longer. Every door she tried was unlocked, she seemed to have the same access as Fen and Penny. The bathroom was larger than the kitchen on the Heap. In the corner was a massive bathtub made of some kind of pinkish stone, and the shower could easily wash fifteen or twenty people at once. The changing room next to the bathroom was just as large, and contained outfits of every single shape, size, and color that Zhe had ever seen, there was enough to clothe everyone Zhe had ever met. The bed was huge, and fluffy and completely comfortable. Zhe flopped into the bed and snuggled down. It had been a busy and stressful few hours. She was glad that she was back with Fen, and Penny seemed really nice. For the first time in a long time, things were starting to make sense again. She drifted off to sleep in the bed of the Empress of the Human Empire.

[cheesemonky]

Chapter 3: And The Journey Begins

pairing: fairy!felix x fairy!reader

Series Masterlist

Word count: 1.5k

summary: A fairy gets their wings once they're 13. A normal one at least. You're 23, and still without any. This leaves you without a mate, because who would love a wingless fairy? So when you decide to leave, it's quite the surprise to find a fairy with a wing missing…

warnings: reader has a swearing problem lmao, FUNKY LITTLE CAMEO FROM ANOTHER AUSSIE :3, felix is a cutie NOT PROOFREAD

“You heard me. I’m coming with you.”

“Didn’t you say the exact opposite last night?”

“... I mean yeah, but I can change my mind if I want to.” He couldn’t tell if you were kidding. Even you couldn’t believe what you were agreeing to. You had thought

“In that case… sure! You can come.” It surprised you a little with how easily accepting he was of your change of mind.

"But just a warning. This journey won't be easy. I’ve lived in the Bush for long enough to know. Are you sure you're ready for it?" He nodded his head confidently, smiling at you before speaking up. It scared you that he knew more about where the two of you were going, yet had no idea how to handle himself in the Bush.

"I would walk my way through the gates of hell to get my wing back. I'm not about to let anything stop me now." Your heart melted slightly by his brave and determined outlook. It was quite obvious that he probably couldn’t handle anything of that degree, but the enthusiasm was not unwelcome. Not to mention his beautiful smile. And those eyes! That bright and lively spark in them...

"Alright then. Let's get going."

“Let’s just hope that we don't get lost on the way.” You teased with a dry chuckle, but he laughed along with you. You couldn't help but think that he was just so adorable when he laughed.

“I really appreciate you coming with me. Just so you know.” His eyes were fixed on your face, and you almost felt a blush creeping up your cheeks. Almost.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever… I’m only doing it for myself anyway.”

"That's a funny way of saying that I'm so gorgeous, that you couldn't help but come with me." You couldn't help it. His teasing made you want to tease right back. It also made part of you want to tear him apart, but that doesn’t have any value to your conversation, so you keep that hidden.

"Just don't come crying to me when you miss your mom or get a splinter." You said, trying to hold back your grin. Now that you were both on the same page, getting along proved to be much easier. His warm presence made it so easy to talk to him.

"Let's get going, yeah? Which direction are we going in?"

"Well actually, in the story, it says that you have to collect the clues to get the key, which unlocks the door to The Heart of Eris." Right, because that's what happens in stories.

"So where's the first location?"

"Uhh, which way is Glebe?"

"East."

"So that means we go West."

"And where does that lead us?"

"A nice little fairy neighbourhood. Much smaller than our villages."

"Sure. I'll lead us West then." And finally the journey began. As you ventured into the unknown, the atmosphere between you and your unexpected companion remained surprisingly light-hearted. The landscape around you transformed as you headed west, entering the deeper areas of the outback. The scenery gradually shifted, and you found yourselves walking through dried paths. The air was filled with the sounds of nature, and the warmth of the sun peeked through the leaves overhead. As you continued your journey westward, the landscape became more rugged, the vegetation sparse and tough, adapted to the harsh conditions. The sun beat down relentlessly, casting long shadows across the dusty trail.

"So, any idea what we're looking for in this fairy neighbourhood?" you asked, breaking the silence that had settled between you as you walked. He scratched his head thoughtfully.

"Well, according to the story, the first clue should be hidden somewhere ‘among those people who wander the night, and they live off no sunlight’, whatever that means.”

“...huh?”

“Yeah, I don’t know either… welp, we’ll just figure it out when we get there.” You weren’t sure what scared you more. The fact that he didn’t even know what you were meant to be looking for, or that he doesn’t seem to mind. You probably should have considered this a bit further. But it's too late now. Plus, you don't exactly want to go back and leave his cute face to die. 

As you continued to walk, the landscape began to change yet again. The terrain became less harsh, and signs of life started to appear. Small patches of vibrant greenery dotted the landscape, and the air felt cooler as you approached what seemed like a small fairy neighbourhood, just like he said. You finally arrived at the outskirts of the quaint town and it was indeed much smaller than your villages, with little cottages nestled among the trees. The air was filled with the delicate fragrance of flowers, and the sound of laughter and chatter drifted through the air.

"Wow, this place is amazing!" Felix looked around in awe of the place. Such a small place, yet the beauty the landscape held was immense.

"Yeah, it is... we should find somewhere to stay, like an inn." You suggested, and he turned back to face you, a determined smile painting his face. But as you searched, there was one thing you guys didn't account for.

"So you're telling me... that you're a fairy... without wings?" The receptionist questioned, unbelieving of your story. "And this fella here had one of his taken?"

"Look ma'am, I know it sounds unbelievable, but I swear to you, it's true."

"Uh, yeah right. I'll let you stay once you stop lying. Unless you aren't a fairy at all. Then I can't let you in." The frustration became evident on your face and you clenched your fist to stop yourself from punching something or someone. Before you could reply, Felix stepped in to talk for you.

"I'm sorry, but we're doing something *really* important, and we need somewhere to stay a few nights."

"I know, and I'm saying, I can't let you stay. She for sure is not a fairy, and you're missing your wing. You could be dangerous creatures for all I know." God, this lady was insufferable. A sudden boost of confidence led you to step in front of Felix and lean over the counter to talk some sense into this woman. At least, that's what you were meant to do.

"Listen here, you little shit, my friend and I have been through a lot, probably more than a measly receptionist, and you fucking around doesn't help. Honestly, people like you are such cunts, like let us the fuck in you son of a bi-"

And before you knew it, both your asses were on the floor outside the inn.

"Stay out, pests." The gruff voice came from behind you and the door slammed in your face.

"Nice going, Y/N."

"Whatever, this place was shit anyways..." You mumbled under your breath. You were the one messing up now, and you weren't sure you liked it. Usually, you didn't pay mind to others' disappointment, but Felix was different. He sighed deeply, getting up and dusting himself off.

"It's okay, we'll try somewhere else." Unfortunately, you soon realised that everywhere you tried would give the same reaction. For hours the two of you went around everywhere, to every inn, pub, even a farmstead! But your efforts were to no avail. The two of you walked the streets in silence, both in deep thought as to what to do next.

"I mean, you still have your stuff, we can set up a little sleeping place outside the town."

"There is literally one blanket and I'm not sharing it with you. And we're not alternating either, there's no danger here."

"... they could try and kill us in our sleep, but whatever I guess..."

"We wouldn't kill you!" Felix let out a small noise at the sudden voice, and you snapped your head to look at the source. It was a young man, seemingly around both your age, his black hair framing his face perfectly. His smile was cheshire, and his eyes held a sense of mischievousness.

"Uh, thanks..? Who are you though..?"

"I'm Jake! I've been away for a while, but the people here are nice enough not to kill you!"

“That’s… great?” He smiled wider this time, holding his hand out for either of you to take. Felix, being the friendly man he is, takes it without hesitation, shaking it vigorously.

“Can you please help us? We need somewhere to stay.”

“I mean… I could let you stay at our holiday house, but I’m not sure if my friends would be okay with that-”

“Please?”

“... Okay fine. But if they don’t like you, that’s not my fault~!” 

“Yes, let’s go!” Your surprise knew no bounds. How and why was Felix so quick to trust?

“Felix, wait-” You grabbed his arm, and pulled yourself up to reach his ear. “This might be dangerous.” You whispered, keeping a close eye on Jake.

“Do you have any other ideas? Because I don’t” You held your breath, trying to find a reason to make him stay. Oh, how stupid you must’ve looked. Rejecting a kind (but strange) offer of help when that’s what you’ve been looking for.

“We don’t bite, I promise you~” One last time, you took a good look at Jake. He didn’t seem to impose any threat and his offer seemed genuine.

“Fine. But I swear to god, if you pull some weird ass shit-”

“Chill, chill, hahahaha~ you’re in good hands.”

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leisel's note: i'm not dead!! just busy with uni and stuff :3 almost at 100 followers, so exciting!! im debuting a new blog at 100, so stay tuned ( ´ ▽ ` ) once again, reblogs are always appreciated, even if they're small 💗

[russellsppttemplates]

It's like we won't even be there (Lewis Hamilton)

Mercedes has three power couples

Note: english is not my first language. After a long time, I'm finally posting this request.

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions gender inequality, misogynistic ideals

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"Everyone on social media has an inkling that you're bringing someone to the race. Is it your belle, Mr. Hamilton?", you teased your boyfriend as he got ready for bed.

You had arrived in Abu Dhabi a few hours earlier, caught a cab to the hotel where your boyfriend had been resting before media day.

"Is that so?", he wondered, "I haven't told anyone outside the team. And even them, I told them you would be joining as my guest, only a few people actually know about us", he assured.

"I don't mind it, we'll have to be public at some time. Three years dating outside of the public eye, plus another year of what the kids call soft launching, whatever happens this weekend, happens", you tranquilized him.

This had been an ongoing conversation for you for as long as you've dated. His lifestyle came with many implications, particularly not always being home and public eye. You also spent a lot of time focused on your job, building the company now associated to your name to the people in the finance business, so the latter question was the biggest one. While you were successful, it hardly impacted your life when it came to the public eye or social media. You had your accounts, sure, but they were private and they never got in the way of your job.

"I just don't want people to lash out on you", he replied, sitting next to you on the bed, his fingers tracing shapes in your hand, "I've seen how brutal they can be, I've felt how brutal they can be, and I don't want that for you. They'll gossip because that's how things work, but I don't want them breaking the respect line.", Lewis stated.

"Lew, I understand and appreciate your concern, but I'll be fine. I have you, our families, our friends, I'm going to be just fine. I don't know how they'll react, so I'll work with whatever happens", you smiled, snuggling into him as he caressed your face.

.

"Good morning, Y/N! How have you been? I haven't seen you in so long!", Carmen said as she hugged you once you arrived in the hospitality, Lewis kissing your cheek briefly before he headed for his meeting.

"Hello, gorgeous girl! I've been good, and you?", you greeted her with a kiss on each cheek after saying goodbye to Lewis.

"Same old, busy but managed to come and support G this weekend. You, however, seem to finally let it out", she smirked, walking with you to the coffee station and serving yourselves, sitting in the balcony as you overlooked the track.

"There's no point in keeping it a secret, I guess. We did it for a while, and this past year we both realised that we want to be able to go out and not be worried someone will see us and whatever consequences it could bring. We're adults who hope other adults will behave like such", you smiled.

"A hard thing to do sometimes, for them at least", you heard a female voice coming closer to you, "I don't believe we've met before, but Toto said you were hanging out here", the blonde woman said.

Suzie Wolff had been someone you looked up to since you were little, so this was a proper fangirl moment, "sit, sit! This is Y/N!", Carmen introduced after giving her a brief introduction.

"I keep missing you whenever you join us for the races!", she said, "the pandemic didn't help, and lately I've been so busy with the F1 Academy that I've hardly been to races myself", she reasoned, beginning the start of a conversation that was only interrupted for lunchtime.

"Press usually have a field day with powerful women related to this sport. You should be able to get away with it because you don't work for racing, but they love going on and on about how we got to where we are because of who we date", Suzie shook her head.

"Absolutely, because George is very interested in Family Offices and he got me my job", Carmen rolled her eyes, "you try and give that guy math stuff and you see how it turns out! Besides, not many people actually knew who he was, they're not very into motorsport, only a couple of them!", she teased.

"Agreed! The only way I was able to have my own company was because I name dropped Lewis, who I didn't know at the time. He doesn't know his numbers all that well. It's so easy for them to point fingers, but it's really just because they hate to see a powerful woman get the job done", you offered, seeing your partners arrive to the table along Laura.

"Social media is going crazy about you, Y/N!", Laura, one of the team's social media managers said while you had lunch, "there's people who spent the whole morning trying to find out who you were and they were faling to find your accounts. Apparently, they were looking in model agencies and such until someone pointed out you studied at the same university as them, and it's pointed them in the right direction I'd say?", she shrugged her shoulders, showing you her phone as she scrolled through media, "they're still trying to find out more, but they only have a few articles from your company and a picture of you when you graduated that is on the university's Wall of Fame!", she made you giggle, fondly looking at the wall of pictures you saw everyday on your way to lectures.

"Are you on the Wall of Fame and didn't tell us, Y/N?", Carmen exclaimed at the new information, "it's barely anything, I'm still there probably because someone forgot to remove the picture", you blushed, suddenly feeling like the table's attention was on you.

"Why would they take out the picture of the most beautiful woman with the most achievements?", Lewis charmed, holding your hand in his as he smiled.

.

"Are you guys ready for the race? If all goes well, we can get back to the points!", Suzie cheered as she handed you and Carmen your bottles of water.

"Lew has been beating himself up a lot lately, hopefully everything works in their favour", you held your hands together after setting the water bottle on the counter.

It was very touch and go, but the boys ended up with good results given the position they started in.

"Congrats, my love!", you said in Lewis' ear as he squeezed your torso over the barrier, delighting the sight of everyone who was watching and seeing the happy couple, "couldn't have done it without you, gorgeous girl", he yelled back, stealing a kiss before running to the mechanics.

"I'm just going to check where Suzie is and then we can go for dinner, guys", Toto stated, squeezing George's and Lewis' shoulders before checking is phone to see if his wife had seen the text he sent about said dinner.

"The F1 Academy paddock is closed, you can see it from here that nobody is there", George pointed out as his boss frowned.

"I would help you, but I have to go and look for Carmen, too", George scratched his cheek as they walked along the corridor, seeing Lewis open his driver's room door and slumping his shoulders slightly, "Y/N is not here either".

"Where have the Mercedes missus gone...?", Toto muttered.

It didn't take then long to hear the mix of your three giggles coming from the lounging area, the three of you sat in the smaller sofas around a coffee table, hot drinks in your hands as you discussed something avidly but in a relaxing way still.

"Are the three of you willing to have dinner with the three of us? We'll still let you speak between yourselves, okay? It's like we won't even be there!", Toto joked.

[cu7ie]

gym bros.

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚ baji spots draken at the gym (+ he does the wrong kind of spotting).

baji x reader.

cw; sfw. reader's gender neutral but they get called a bitch (idk if that bothers people), baji being a perv (he stares). draken being voice of reason.

"Why's Mikey not coming again?"

"He thinks it smells like sweat, and he doesn't like carrying his gym equipment to and back." Draken thought this was a better alternative. Baji, who'd almost certainly try and pick a fight with the biggest guy there, would be a good candidate for spotter. Mikey likes dragging his feet sometimes, not seeing the point in 'strenuous physical labor' since he already knows how to fight. 

To Mikey, it's all about strength. 

Draken, on the other hand, can appreciate an immaculate physical form. A nicely toned abdomen, thick calves, strong thighs; a testament to discipline, the beauty of working out - hence their trip to the Gym. Baji can at least walk and complain, which works well enough for Draken who tunes him out with ease, navigating the Shibuya streets quickly and without pause. Baji hasn't offered an intelligent thought all morning. He agreed to this yesterday, but still complained when Draken showed up when he was supposed to; when he did his due diligence of waking him up, getting him outside, providing him pleasant quiet company. Baji nagged him the whole way, while he was putting on his clothes and scrambling around for his keys, stuffing his bottle and sweatrag into a backpack so fucking slowly; irritating the shit out of Draken, who put up with it because

at least he's moving.

"Ugh. It's still too early in the morning for this shit." Draken's music is low enough that he can hear the words 'too early', actually looking annoyed for the first time this morning as he turns around,

"It's 10:30. Sleep any longer, you'll get a headache." and resumes walking, hoping their arrival at the gym will put a pin in Baji's incessant yammering- 

First the sun is bothering him, then he remembers he forgot something; so he's irritated about that, and then he sees a pretty thing or two pass by; body banging enough to make his head swivel like a spin top, and right after that, he's quiet for a moment. Thinking for perhaps the first time since they've embarked on his venture,

 he comes up with this:

"There any hotties at the gym?" Draken tosses a look back, sharp and cutting.

"I wouldn't know, I go there to work out."

"But you've looked, haven't you?"

"No man. What the fuck is-" He sucks his teeth, doesn't let his energy go haywire. "Doesn't matter, we're here."

It's cold enough in the gym that Baji's nipples get a little hard. Surely it's to offset the work out heat, but,

"Goddamn." He doesn't try to warm himself and just shivers, his teeth clacking and he's getting the sense that Draken is really getting irritated, because he just goes,

walks so fast he's practically running, and Baji has to tail him or else he'll be lost, thoughtless enough to forget to read wall signs and a little up his own ass that he doesn't want to ask a staff member for help. Runs after Draken like a child who lost their mother in the grocery store.

It's fine, everything's fine. They put stuff up in their lockers and take their water bottles and leave to head towards the bench press racks. Baji remembers how to spot from when he used to be apart of the fitness club back in highschool. They slide on the weights until it's two hundred fifty total, Draken slides into place and gets to pumping that iron. Baji mostly plays attention, but his eyes meander as they tend to do, roaming idly for something to stimulate his dying brain cells -

Then he sees a nice ass working the elliptical machine.

Your favorite gym shorts are such because they make you look good and feel good; but you get your fair share of strangers ogling you, working the machines right next to you when almost every machine is available, that kind of weird ass energy. You come to the gym enough that you're a little used to it; though not everyone's like that. There's a regular that came here before you did - a lean muscle, broad guy, single braid down his back, dragon tattoo on his head.

You never caught his name but you always tell him he looks cool when you cross paths and neither of you are zoning out listening to music. 

You're working out a little too intensely to notice the glare creeping up and down your back, Baji's brain trying to work on overtime trying to assess this situation. He barely notices Draken finishes his set, flushed pink and wiping sweat off his forehead.

"Baji." Exasperated. "Fuck're you… fuck're you looking at?" Baji doesn't point but flicks his head in your direction, gesturing with his hands.

"The one on the push pull machine? You see em?"

"The elliptical."

"What the fuck ever. Do you see them?"

"...yes Baji." Draken pinches the bridge of his nose as he begins to regret some of the decisions he's made. He's being tight lipped on purpose and Baji knows it. He knows Draken lied to him earlier and he doesn't need to ask to prove it, but he does anyway.

"They come here all the time don't they? And you just didn't say 'nothin. Said nothing at all. You know how much time you cost me, and yourself? Coulda had me coming all week if I knew bitches like that came here."

Baji whistles shrill and low - Draken makes a face.

"I'm too tired for this shit right now. M'gonna work on legs." And with that, Draken gets up from the bench press, reracks the weight he had loaded on. Draken gets on the ellipticals too, opposite you and a ways off. You wave but you don't think he sees you.

Baji's still looking at your ass, forgetting himself for a long moment.

He only remembers this establishment has standards when one of the gym bros (not even a staff member, just some guy with biceps as big as Baji's head) tells him to stop staring. You can't see Baji doing it, but apparently people have noticed and it's starting to make them uncomfortable. 

On your side, everything is cool since you're listening to your music. You've worked up a sweat and an appetite, so you dismount, disinfect, (get your stuff from the lockers,) and dip. Baji doesn't mind leaving his stuff in the locker room to step outside and try to talk to you for a minute. He tries to flag you down like you're a cab - and against your better judgment you take out one headphone as you're standing at the crosswalk, polite but clearly impatient.

"Hey man, did you need something?" You have this grimace to your grin like Baji ought to shoot his shot quickly and dash, because you already know what he's gonna say and you're not impressed;

But he puffs his chest out all big anyway, walking over in long confident strides and fixing his mouth to say something else stupid. 

"You come ‘round here all the time? I just might have to come here more often if that's the case." You sigh.

"Please, don't. I just switched gyms." Baji's eyebrows quirk in confusion as you quickly turn your head, his eyes narrowing (but you can't see that because you're already crossing) as he attempts to catch up with you in a strange burst of boldness. You have a good pace about you, and he’s not trying to chase you half way down the block, so he shouts.

“Hey babes!” Your shoulders tense and you don’t turn around, quickly walking off. 

“The fuck is their problem? Hate people who don’t wanna listen..” Irony lost on him, he heads back towards Draken all mopey and whiney again and Draken’s nearly done with his set so they’re fixing to head home (without Baji having done anything, mind you), and Baji is quiet, quiet quiet; up until they’re getting their stuff from the locker room and he turns to Draken like,

“So,” Baji starts. Draken shakes his head, nipping his nonsense in the bud.

“No. I’m not having this conversation with you.”  Matter of fact, he doesn’t think he’s inviting Baji out ever again. 

“C’mon Drak, jus’ be my wingman for the one time!” 

“Don’t call me that. And no.”  Draken looks like he could crush Baji under foot, in spite of his sore muscles he doesn’t look any less threatening. “I’d do the same for you.” 

“But I’m not hopelessly incompetent. Unlike you. Please, never disrespect me like that again.”  Draken leaves the locker room in short order, and Baji follows because he feels like he ought to; stops pushing the subject, sighing to himself about how he never even got your number. Even if Draken doesn’t like it, even if he ends up having to pay for his own membership and start working out more regularly,

He will get you to sit on his face. That’s non negotiable.