#and came fast too !!! i didn’t expect it for a couple weeks !!

[zvaiznite]

got my things from @kohanakonohana and i’m so happy with them !!! i mentioned one of them was for a christmas present and she wrapped it which is such a cute touch ! love the mr.j postcards too i cant wait to wear my earrings 💙💙

[solecize]

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

ten years of being one and the same with jungkook as the country's it couple is the perfect disguise for the reality of a tumultuous relationship hidden behind the scenes.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: you welcome your boyfriend back to the country with a surprise party, just as the clock is ticking to say goodbye again. the big day is almost here and enlistment brings couples either one of two things: a ring or a breakup.  𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: idol!jungkook/female idol!reader and fictional versions of various idols 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. idol au, on-and-off relationship, angst, i swear there's fluff, and themes of first love, growing up, struggles with fame, and marriage (ish) 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. portrayal of a toxic couple (implications of emotional abuse and control), infidelity, foul language, substance use, underage drinking, mentions of the covid-19 pandemic, sexually suggestive content  𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. based off of "you're losing me" by taylor swift. this is a fictional portrayal of real-life people that implement some aspects of real-life events. the series is told in non-chronological order. note that the main character is a member of a fictional idol group. more warnings may be added as the story is written. join the taglist here! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤm.list | next

you say, "i don't understand, " and i say, "i know you don't" we thought a cure would come through in time, now i fear it won't

TODAY’S TOP HEADLINE: bts’ rm, jimin, taehyung and jungkook set to enlist in the coming weeks! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤautumn 2023

the confrontation   when it rained, it poured and you felt like you haven't seen even a glimpse of the sun in ages. there was a nagging feeling in your gut that it was too far gone, but like everything else for the past ten years, you swallowed it down and swept it under the rug. bad feelings didn’t exist in your relationship. that was the unspoken rule. yet, it was growing more and more difficult to mask the disappointment in your eyes or the frown fighting your lips. today marked the worst of your attempts.

  seoul was unusually calm tonight and it scared you. when you moved to the city ages ago to begin your journey as an idol trainee, it was nothing but intimidating for your meek, pre-teen self. eventually, over time, your love for the city bloomed and it was truthfully because of jungkook. once young teenagers that arrived to seoul alone, you found solace in each other and embraced the change as one. he made you fall in love with seoul the same way he made you fall in love with him. dates, nightclubs, late night adventures, and years worth of moments within the city limits. 

  however, the streets were as hushed as you were, as you gripped your steering wheel like a robot. 

  the decision had been long made and you knew it was going to come around at some point, so there was no use in fighting it. after going without seeing your boyfriend for months, it should have been nothing but pure excitement.

  “you’re awfully quiet,” murmured jungkook, glancing over at you from the passenger seat.

  you were already annoyed to begin with, when he mentioned that he was going to have a driver pick him up from the airport, instead of asking for you. it felt like he didn’t even expect to have you waiting for him, considering the two of you had been apart due to his time working in the united states. you thought he’d be insisting for you to be the first person he saw once he came back. these frustrations were on top of several other things, which you’d been dreading to confront for even longer of a time.

  and then, there was also the velvet box you spotted in the background of one of your facetime calls. you didn’t bring it up, but it was living in your mind everyday since. with jungkook’s big day fast approaching, there were a lot of conflicting ideas in your head.

  you shrugged. “i’ve been filming long hours. not getting that much sleep.”

  the look jungkook gave you read that he knew that you weren’t being a hundred percent honest, but he didn’t say anything. his eyes returned to being fixated on his phone.

  after over ten years of knowing each other, you and jungkook could see through each other like glass. the only problem was that nobody ever wanted to speak up. you feared the glaring possibility of other buried conflict dating further back into the relationship because of this dynamic.

  you didn’t think you deserved the blame for the tension in the air. there were several things in your mind, but jungkook wasn’t exactly a person who could easily mask their emotions. something was off with him, too, and you needed to figure out what it was. you could only hope for the best case scenario because otherwise, it was going to be your worst nightmare. there was no situation you could fathom where his behaviour was a result of an in between. 

  keeping your voice casual, you asked, “who are you texting?”

  “my mom.”

  you held back a sigh - jungkook was never particularly keen on involving you with his family. though you’d been together since he was sixteen, you always felt like he kept you an arm’s reach away from that part of your life and you never understood why.

  “oh. tell her i say hi,” you said and he hummed in response. 

  whilst you weren’t in a talkative mood, it wasn’t like jungkook was doing anything to keep the conversation flowing either. you guys obviously texted and called during his time away, but the present atmosphere was awkward, like there was nothing to talk about after his grand return. you hugged and kissed at the airport, asked how his flight was, and that was that. driving him felt like a business endeavour, rather than welcoming your long-term partner back to the country.

  after a few minutes, jungkook finally looked up from his phone. upon peering out the window, he grew confused and turned to you.

  he questioned, “where are we going? the apartment is in the other direction.”

  “just wait,” you assured, forcing a small smile. “take off your hoodie and put on what i have for you in the backseat.”

  there was a shopping bag sitting behind jungkook’s seat and he reluctantly reached over, revealing a silk ysl shirt that you picked up that very afternoon. sighing, he did as you asked and made the change. you didn’t care to look over at your boyfriend’s shirtless body, too irritated at the curtness of the conversation.

  you just wanted to get to the destination, the heavy silence becoming too much for you. there wasn’t even music on. you found yourself focusing too much on it, as you finally pulled up to the infamous hotel azure. somehow tucked away in the busy songpa district, it is unassuming to the civilian eye, but a well-known name amongst the circles of south korea’s entertainment industry. you didn’t “make it” in entertainment until you attended a party at hotel azure.

  jungkook shifted in his seat. “what is this?” his tone was demanding, which immediately put you off. “the plan was to go home.”

  to be fair, the last time that the two of you were at the azure hotel, jungkook wound up with a bloody nose after getting into it with an not-to-be-named yg idol at one of jackson wang’s wild parties. you weren’t even sure what happened yourself, bleary eyed for the majority of the night with several substances in your body. hotel azure was for idols at the top of the world with everything to lose, a favourite place of yours around 2018. it was now a place that you actively tried to avoid, but made an exception for the special occasion.

  “calm down,” you shot back, not letting him get away with the voice he used. “just wait, i said.”

  “i’m tired, y/n,” jungkook pleaded, as you stopped the car for the valet to take. 

  you ignored him - it wasn’t like it was up to you - and unbuckled your seatbelt, not waiting a second for jungkook. 

  not only did you pick up your boyfriend from the airport, you also spent hours meticulously preparing your appearance for the night. it didn’t seem like jungkook noticed, other than at the airport, when he questioned why you were wearing high heels. 

  you never wore heels unless you were working, but that changed when you met jungkook. he loved it when you wore heels and by the time your respective trainee debts were paid, made it a point. you bought platforms with the anticipation of how your boyfriend would go crazy over them. jungkook gifted you designer jimmy choos and pradas whenever you guys got into a fight. it made you feel your prettiest and he showered you with compliments every time.

  now, he looked at you oddly for it, like you were doing too much.

  jungkook eventually gave up and followed you in without a word, watching you take off your trench coat to reveal a stunning baby pink two-piece dress. the colour glittered under the low lighting of the hotel lobby and the corset accentuated your curves in all the right aways. except, he still did not say a word. this made you frown.

  you handed off your coat to an employee and jungkook did the same. the lobby was empty, but you and jungkook knew exactly where to go, making a beeline for the elevator and pressing the button to move up to the penthouse suite. 

  “why didn’t you warn me about this?” he grumbled under his breath, adjusting his shirt in the mirror.

  because that’s how surprise parties work, you wanted to reply. unfortunately, this was not a surprise party that you wanted to celebrate, so you didn’t even try to keep jungkook excited. you were both quiet, irritable, and only wanted to go home. 

  you said, “this is the part where i cover your eyes and lead you out.”

  jungkook complied and you placed your perfectly manicured hands over his line of vision. other than sharing a hug and kiss earlier, this was the closest you’d physically gotten to your boyfriend in months. your hands were cold and you were close enough that he could hear your breathing - all too uncomfortable. 

  the elevator dinged and you nudged jungkook to step forward. the penthouse’s lights were off, but you could make out the shuffling of feet from behind the kitchen counter. it looked like everything was set up and pristine. then, in just a beat, the entire room lit up and you removed your hands from jungkook’s eyes.

  “SURPRISE!”

  the floor rumbled, voices roaring and bodies popping out from different places - behind pillars, couches and the bar. jungkook’s eyes brightened in a way that you had yet to see since reuniting with him earlier and it made your heart sink. you hadn’t realized how dull his demeanour was around you until something else actually made him smile.

  his closest friends and family gathered in the penthouse and there was a large, golden banner that hung from the walls that said “welcome back jungkook!” the other wall was decorated with another banner, but this one said “good luck rm, v, jimin and jungkook!” 

  jungkook’s older brother was the first one that enveloped him into a bear hug, nearly squeezing the life out of him, then his mom. this was followed by the remainder of his band mates that managed to make the party. you awkwardly stood off to the side, a wide smile plastered on your face to mask your despondence. it seemed like jungkook’s exhaustion only existed when he was sitting in a car with you, as his laughter echoed throughout the room.

  you caught jungkook’s eye and he already knew how you were feeling. while he exchanged words with other friends, it was namjoon who pulled you to the side.

  “hey. you guys did a really great job with the party,” you started, looking around.

  the penthouse of the azure hotel was a thing of beauty, with ceiling high windows that looked over the lights of seoul. everything shone and glimmered - the city skyline, the perfect marble floors, the expensive liquor bottles, and hell, even the perfect teeth of the myriad of a-list south korean celebrities gracing this exclusive party. there wasn’t a wrong way to ever throw a party there, but the group made an extra effort to make jungkook’s homecoming a special one. 

  jungkook was swarmed by several people, all asking about his time in america and how exciting it was. those were the words you used to describe it for him, too, when you sent him off months ago. you watched him take shots with mingyu and eunwoo. 

  namjoon shook his head, “no, no. this wouldn’t be possible without you,” he said and then glanced at jungkook, “and i’m sure he knows it, too.”

  the boys, despite it also serving as a goodbye party before their enlistments, had been helping you plan the surprise for weeks leading up to jungkook’s arrival. it was one of the longest times jungkook had been apart from them and from the country in general, so they wanted to make it extra special. though you were the main mastermind behind the gathering, you initially didn’t want to do it at all. 

  “yeah, i hope so,” you replied, as you poured yourself a glass of white wine. “you guys all deserve it.”

  over the years, jungkook’s band mates slowly became some of your friends, as well. it was somber goodbye for you in all kinds of ways. everyone was preparing to send them off with good luck and high spirits. 

  the boys were also preparing in their own way. you noticed that taehyung and jimin’s girlfriends were missing from the party, which only confirmed your speculations. 

  “it was just bound to happen,” said a voice.

  it was taehyung who joined you and namjoon in a quiet circle at the corner of the living room. all of the boys looked a little bit sad, despite the celebratory atmosphere, but you read a different kind of story in taehyung’s eyes. 

  he smiled with a hint of gloom. “you’re looking around for her, right?”

  as a fellow idol and also a girlfriend to a member of one of the biggest groups in the world, taehyung’s girlfriend grew to become one of your close confidants in the past few years. you guys were polite before, but this connection created a specific bond that couldn’t be understood by anyone else. however, you hadn’t heard from her in a few days and with her absence at taehyung’s goodbye party, you put two and two together. 

  to his side, namjoon clapped a hand on his friend’s back. “sorry, man.”

  “i hope it was cordial,” you mustered up, ignoring the growing heaviness at the pit of your stomach. you could only hope you weren’t next.

  taehyung replied. “she understood, but she wasn’t happy. regardless,” he sighed, “we’re still so young. her career is just blowing up even more, i feel like i’d only be holding her back.” 

  that was the way it went. when enlistment rolled around for most couples, it was either breaking up or a ring. you looked at your feet, not knowing what to say. 

  “jimin also told me that he broke things off with - “

  a loud yelp squeaked from taehyung, who was abruptly jabbed in the side with namjoon’s elbow. the latter cleared his throat and you recognized that look. namjoon only made that face when he pulled the leader card and needed to put someone in their place. you figured that your worries were transparent to those around you.

  namjoon cleared his throat. “not in a chatty mood?”

  while you greeted people during the set-up of the party, you realized that you had yet to actually try socializing. things were awkward with jungkook’s parents, who you long suspected didn’t approve of you for various reasons. in general, most people were interested in chatting with the boys, which you didn’t mind. it was a gathering to send them off, after all.

  “not really. you guys should go mingle with your friends,” you said, taking another sip of your wine. “it’s your party.”

  “i hope i’m not overstepping, but did you and jungkook get in a fight?” taehyung asked.

  you blinked slowly. “no. does it seem like it?”

  “just seems like he’s nervous about something,” he commented and you noticed namjoon glare at him once more, as if to shut up.

  for the first time that night, you felt a glimmer of mixed feelings that left you wondering. why would he be nervous? the big visual forming in your mind was a diamond ring. you and jungkook had contemplated marriage in the past year, but it was also the source of many arguments. you weren’t even sure you wanted to get married now, but your mother had been getting into your ear about you getting older. then, there were your respective companies who lost their shit at the idea. but, what really mattered, was jungkook’s opinion. he seemed to wave it off or change the topic at every opportunity, so your hopes for a ring lived in the back of your mind. 

  despite this, taehyung was right. jungkook looked nervous. he’d been irritated at being dragged to his surprise party - you wondered if it was delusional enough to believe that he had plans for the two of you, instead. 

  for the rest of the night, you continued to keep to yourself. you weren’t lying when you told jungkook you were tired, but you were determined to stay as long as you could and pretend that you and jungkook weren’t stealing mysterious glances at each other for the entire evening. it was obvious and only made you anxious. 

  a few hours later and the party only grew in numbers and in noise. you thought you lost him in the crowd, until you left to refill your nth drink and found him talking to his cousin.

  the two were smiling and laughing, as his cousin appeared to be showing jungkook pictures on his phone. you assumed it was her newborn daughter - she gave birth just two months before her fiance was to be discharged and now that he was back, the wedding was just around the corner. you remembered jungkook telling you that she was proposed to on the day of his enlistment. 

  jungkook caught your eye and he immediately looked away - what the hell was that? he even turned slightly and you couldn’t read his lips. something was going on. you watched him shove his hands in his pockets and you swore you saw the shape of a small square inside.

  eventually, you grew tired of the tension in the air and the music began to make your head pound. the longer you thought about your partner, the greater your anxieties grew. there was a chance you even just although it was late in the year and a fresh sheet of snow adorned the streets of seoul, you decided it was best to step out into the balcony to take some time to breathe. 

  nobody else was there, thankfully, and you let out a shiver when you stepped out. the peppermint air dispelled the haze in your head and in your heart, as taking a deep breath was the greatest relief you felt all night. though your muscles remained tense and you knew you wouldn’t last out in the cold, the balcony was a welcome change.

  you weren’t sure how long you were outside when the door creaked open and just by the footsteps alone, you knew who it was.

  “your guests will miss you,” you said, not even looking behind you.

  at this point, you were hugging yourself to stop shivering. a rustle later and you felt a thick blanket drape over your shoulders, the wool of its make completely enveloping you with much needed warmth. you relaxed your shoulders, but couldn’t look jungkook in the eyes.

  “something’s wrong. tell me.”

  jungkook’s wine stained lips were pulled into a frown and although he hid it well when he was chatting away with his friends and family, you could see the exhaustion in his eyes. he sniffled a few times and you knew why, but you decided to bite your tongue. it was his party and he was an adult who could celebrate whatever way he wanted. it was also clear that neither of you had the energy to argue. instead, to his surprise, you raised an arm and gestured for him to come closer.

  he sidestepped towards you and although you were shorter, let you wrap some of the blanket around him. his cold arm snaked around your waist and you tensed up again at his touch.

  you continued to look out into the skyline. “i was going to say the same for you.”

  “i’m really thankful for the party, love,” he ignored your question and pressed a kiss against your temple.

  you mumbled under your breath, “it wasn’t easy." this was the first time all night that you were comfortable enough to physically touch jungkook and you suspected alcohol played a role in relieving the tension between you two, but it was always going to be easy to fall right back into routine.

  and just like that, you felt a stinging sensation in your eyes. tears welled up and blurred your vision, which only made you turn your head away further from your boyfriend. he caught this immediately, his instincts nothing but natural when it came to you, and pulled you right into his chest. 

  the sound that came out of your mouth sounded nothing like you. the sob was desperate and helpless. it was akin to a toddler who couldn’t do anything by themselves. your voice cracked with each body-shaking sob and you didn’t have the guts to conceal it. your head was buried into jungkook’s new shirt, ruining it, but he only stroked your hair and wrapped the blanket tighter around the two of you.

  “it’s okay. . .” jungkook cooed and for what seemed like the first time in a while, he sounded like himself. 

  it wasn’t like jungkook had undergone a drastic change from his time in america, but it was a gradual shift that you felt over a longer period of time. you attributed to the fact that you were no longer teenagers and things weren’t going to be the same as it did ten, even five years ago. that was what you told yourself, but you weren’t sure why you still held on to the old jungkook you knew.

  in that moment, he sounded like the fifteen year old boy you met in a convenience store again. he sounded like the jungkook who wrote you disgusting love songs that were horrible, but you adored anyway. he sounded like the man who you talked about children and a big house and an annoying dog with. 

  as you found the bravery to finally pull away from jungkook’s comforting embrace, you looked up and saw that future in his eyes. his features softened, but he looked sad. your heart sank once again.

  “you’re not just crying because i’m enlisting, are you?” he finally spoke, just above a whisper. his tone was certain, barely a question - after ten years together, jungkook knew you better than you knew yourself.

  you froze. there was nothing else you could do but shut your eyes tight, pretending that this wasn’t really happening.

  after a beat, you found your voice. “listen. . .we both know what happens after a man enlists. look at taehyung and jimin. look at your cousin.” 

  over the years, you and jungkook had gone through hell and back. you thought the worst day of your life was when dispatch leaked the news that you were dating five years ago, but you were able to recover. you thought it was the worst day of your life when your breakup was witnessed by the entire world, but you were able to recover. you even thought the worst day of your life was when word got out that you and jungkook got back together, effectively proving that you were weak and were the type of girl to crawl back to her ex. you recovered then, as well.

  at the second part of your sentence, you felt jungkook physically tense up.

  “is that why you’ve been acting weird lately?” he replied.

  you don’t know where it came from, but something triggered a spark of anger in you. still, with a tear stained face and a runny nose, you opened your eyes and met his. this was not something you would be able to recover from.

  you said, “it hasn’t just been lately, jungkook. you know exactly what’s on my mind, we’ve been talking - “

  “ - and you know what my answer has been, baby. you know what kind of position i’m in,” he interrupted, breaking apart from your hold and the blanket he brought for you.

  he wasn’t wrong. you did know what kind of position he was in. one of the biggest stars in the world and he had everything to lose, especially with the anxieties looming in the air for him and the rest of his group. every one of them were on their toes as soon as their enlistment dates were finalized, fearing their fade from the spotlight. you and the rest of the world knew that it was bullshit, that the bts was going to be forgotten just because they were going into the military for a few years. 

  marriage would surely ruin that further, right?

  you said, “and you know what position i’m in.”

  the careless joys of your early twenties had come and gone, which left you at the mercy of your mother’s constant talks about marriage. not just her, but other family members and even some of your friends. after all, you and jungkook had been together for ten years and you were pushing thirty sooner or later. 

  you also had your own fears in regard to your career. jungkook once laughed when you expressed your worries about the public no longer finding you young and pretty, but it was a real fear. most girl groups didn’t last more than a few years. many of your contemporaries had long said goodbye to their idol persona and went their separate ways from their band for a new life. you were considered a lucky one to remain with your group and maintain relevance, but for how long? was it time for you to finally settle down? you weren’t granted the same longevity as jungkook’s renowned group and you weren’t bitter about it, but nervous.

  snowflakes began to fall once again and as one fell on your eyelashes, you noticed jungkook’s jaw clench. 

  “we’ve talked about this,” he said and you knew your wandering thoughts about a potential proposal were too good to be true.

  you began, “look, i know that things are different for people like us. . “ but, things were changing. in recent years, you watched several of your peers get married and have children without losing their spot in the limelight. 

  “y/n. . .what made you think i changed my mind?” jungkook sighed, pacing back and forth to calm himself down.

  “i just thought. . .”

  “i’m sorry, but i wasn’t going to propose before my enlistment.” this time, jungkook’s frustrations melted away and there was genuine sadness in his voice. 

  he stepped closer to you and put his hands on your waist. you didn’t know what to say. you really had been pretending that his strange behaviour was because of a hope that seemed impossible now. 

  you took a deep breath. “you never said no. you made it seem like you were considering it.”

  that was what silenced jungkook. it was true, there was never an outright refusal from jungkook. he would say things that implied he would talk to his company again or “with time” it would come. he gave you just enough reassurance, but never confirmation. 

  continuing, you said, “and you even indulged in keeping the fantasy alive with me. you’re sick for talking about honeymoon destinations with me and suggesting songs we could dance to.”

  “hey. i’ve said time ands time again that there is no future where you aren’t by my side,” jungkook tried getting you to look at him, but every time he moved, you turned away. 

  there was no reason for you to make eye contact. you felt like a fool and if you met his eyes, you knew you would just burst into tears again. then, you thought about your conversation earlier with your friends and your vision became wet again.

  “were you planning to break up with me before you enlisted?”

  “what? no,” he responded, but you weren’t convinced. 

  you responded, “it was going to be inevitable, wasn’t it? like jimin and taehyung. you were going to be done with me.”

  this time, jungkook forced you to look at him by the chin and your shoulders dropped. there was a crease in between his eyebrows that you don’t remember seeing even just a year ago. he looked more tired than he did as a rookie with barely survivable living standards. 

  “time really goes by, huh?” you murmured, fighting to keep your voice stable.

  “we were never going to break up, love,” jungkook maintained.

  still, his words didn’t penetrate further than surface level. you were left numb and the chill of winter in seoul had nothing to do with it. you wished that someone would just call jungkook away, but the party inside continued on without him. 

  “you bought a ring. i saw it when we video called.”

  jungkook’s lips parted. you knew it. you knew you weren’t losing your mind. over the last ten years, you made some crazy accusations for all kinds of reasons. this time was different and you saw it on his face.

  even after what seemed like forever, jungkook couldn’t find words to say. the longer he waited to speak, the faster your heart began to race. 

  he rubbed his temples and finally, he spoke. jungkook spoke and you immediately dropped the blanket he brought for you, dashing right back inside. you walked past every single attendee and ignored the few that cried out your name. you didn’t care what it looked like. you just knew you had to get out of there.

  jungkook said there was a ring. he began to open his mouth and explain further, especially when he read the horrified expression on your face, but you wanted no part in it. there was no room for you to think about what that meant. you only saw red.

  you weren’t sure why you wanted a proposal so badly. you knew you didn’t care that much about what your mother wanted and getting married was no solution to the prospects of a dying career. you were second guessing if your wishes for a wedding were even genuine. 

  on the other hand, maybe you intended for the wedding to be a solution to a dying relationship. 

LATEST NEWS: hybe dismisses reports that bts’ jungkook and S.IREN’s nova are engaged, seeking legal action against gossip website that went viral for spreading the false rumour

@butnotmontana @rinkud @kookiescutie @nlr1606 @claireshelby @xtrataerrestrial @whoa-jo @tinyxrose @lavendersugarplum @bangtans-momma @firelcrds @sstrongstyle

[mooishbeam]

『♡』 Brittle is Devotion

♡ featuring: ex-husband!toji x f!reader

♡ summary: it's been a while since you've seen your ex-husband, and on a drunken night, buried feelings emerge. wc: 12.2k+ (bruhhh)

♡ cw/tw: mentions of violence/blood, angst/comfort, rekindled feelings, rough sex, missionary, prone bone, full-nelson, overstimulation, cervix fucking, creampie, m/f receiving, throat fucking, sadism/masochism, dom/sub dynamics, squirting, fingering, praise/degredation kink, dumbification, edging, breeding kink, feral toji mmm, pet names (angel, sweetie, baby)

notes: good morning!! hope everyone is having a lovely day, i am so so so so sorry i haven't posted in so long i didnt abandon the account!! i've just been getting it together before the semester starts, and i didnt expect for it to be this long :(( im very tired but ill try to get some stuff out in the next couple of weeks, most likely long fics too. ty so much, and srry for any spelling mistakes. art by ilameys_ on ig! <;3 comments and reblogs are appreciated!

Picking up the pieces after Toji is rough. The divorce was bad enough, and you currently have an aching pain stilling in your chest that makes it hard to take the shallowest breaths. It hammers in the tight confines of your ribcage, and as you sob into your pillow the only relief you desire is sleep, so that you may have temporary solace from the grief wrecking your brain. Your new apartment feels entirely too shallow. There’s no crumby television to use because you were too broke to afford the higher-end appliances, or that creaking mattress you both squeezed into until you could thrift a reasonable headboard. You missed the 60s style tiles painted a horrific green in your kitchen, and the shower that ran out of hot water every other day. It was terrible, downright unlivable for most, but you had each other.  

It hurts more because you love him. So much. Unbearably, to the point where you screamed at the top of your lungs until your throat scratched through angry hot tears, begging him to care for a moment, to give you a reason to stay. Countless times, threatening to walk out if he didn’t endeavor to change. But he never believed you. He thought you’d never leave, because all you had was him.  

And it was true, for years it was. Toji was your dream man; funny and thoughtful. It wasn’t conventional kindness, but it was his. Money didn’t matter—even as you enjoyed a frozen meal on the floor of your empty apartment in the first couple months of moving in with him, you had a smile on your face. Even when your friends and family begged you not to marry him, because they couldn’t stand the sight of him and his arrogant, sometimes aggressive candor, you went on with it anyway. You knew who he really was at heart.  

He was your first everything, you felt if he left, you’d melt to nothing and become a shell of who you once were, because Toji had become an extension of you. You waited for him to get home, had dinner, and slept through the outside commotion of cars and bar fights; his securing arm locked around you, hand cradling your head and legs intertwined. There was no one like him.  

He knew that and got greedy.  

To you, the change was fast, but it’d been spreading like a nasty mold for years. You’d sunk so deep you hadn’t noticed the drought until you reached the bottom. He taught you love, then pulled away; separated himself with additional shifts and pathetic excuses. In turn you punished yourself, showered him with heavier instances of love and endearment, and convinced yourself you needed to try harder. If the sex wasn’t daily, you gave him more. If he didn’t like the food, you learned how to be a better chef. If the house wasn’t clean, you scrubbed top to bottom. Wringing a tired towel, dry of sacrifice. Chasing after him until the soles of your feet blistered. Still, not a smidge of praise or approval came to fruition. When he did—which was rare—those peppered spaces ignited a lasting burn in your heart, keeping withering fire alive.  

Soon, those fleeting kisses and distant pauses weren’t enough, and he didn’t care enough to change. You’d plead and cry at his feet, and he’d scoff and walk past you.  

“We’ll talk about it later”, he’d say more often than not. You didn’t have the confidence to leave, and he consumed himself with whatever underground work he participated in, while you decayed in a declining marriage.  

A grimace on his face, laid back on the couch and looking at you expectingly, as if you would drop to your knees and service him in a heartbeat—but you did exactly that. And you were tired, utterly tired of pulling the emotional and mental leaden baggage on your own. It was heavy, and you were crushing yourself underneath it. You still loved him with every inch of your being, and you’d do it all for him, but it couldn’t be just you anymore. He came home one fateful night to you sitting at the dining table, spotlighted under the stark glass pendant lamp in your dark apartment, dejection that foreshadowed the unfortunate end.  

“Do you love me?” He gazed at your solemn face and scratched his head.  

“Mhm.”  

“Will you change?”  

“No.”  

That’s what you needed to hear. The next week, while he was at work, you gathered your clothes and measly possessions to leave. You sobbed the entire way through, shaking with uncertainty and fear of the unknown—unsure about a future without him. As you slid the dissolution of your marriage on the counter, the sudden reality made you unable to control your knees as you dropped to the floor, and tears spilled down your cheeks and freckled the papers. Luckily, Shoko was there to comfort you and help pack your things. The corners of that confinement spared a gentle, loving memory, and vitriol was left in its wake. Turning back to its hollowness for the last time, you imagined Toji, plopping onto the couch as he’d usually do to watch some late-night television show or going to bed. Like you weren’t there.  

Maybe you never mattered in the first place. 

It’s been a year since, and things are looking up for you. An opportunity surfaced in a field you were interested in applying for, and you miraculously got the job. Moving over a city helped you adjust to your new life—that, and a bottle of dark burning liquor. No matter how much you mindlessly typed at your computer or partied with coworkers, you couldn’t stomach the pit gorging through you, a hole that surfaced everything you’d been burying. 

You’re not prepared to face the forlorn mock of your bleached walls today. As you pry your eyes open, the flickering shimmers through your sheer curtain cast across unattended sheets, soothed by stuffed animals strung along the comforter. You reach for something that isn’t there in your groggy state—a gentle reminder that your morning would be just as empty as yesterday. 

Today isn’t any other; it’s what would’ve been your five-year anniversary. One year, of new beginnings and new friends. A year of solitude.  

You don’t bother slinking out of bed. The accumulation of tasks awaiting you is more daunting than the actual execution. In an attempt to regain control of your life, you established a healthy routine. It entails waking up at early hours to exercise and work on projects and meal prep, and ending your night early with extra exercise and skincare. It was amazing at first and quelled your sadness. What they didn’t inform you of, was the spectacle; the appearance and perception of perfection, and not the struggles or gradual burnout of maintaining that lifestyle. When the distraction died down, and work and social activities became a congealed, monstrous chore, you quickly resented those limp salads and vomit-inducing runs. 

You expel a loaded sigh and pull the covers over. 

The vibration of the phone buzzing on your stomach peels your eyes awake. You allow it to pass, but it rings again. From a frustrated exhale, your languid hands muster the strength to flip to its notification; Shoko’s calling.  

“Hello?” you mutter, fatigue caught in your throat. 

“Fuck, you sound like hell!” she replies. The repetitive clack of office keyboards and analog phones being slammed by stressed out coworkers distorts the background. Thank God I used my paid time off. 

“I love you too, Shoko.” 

“Sorry, didn’t mean it like that…you ok?” It’s much sweeter. Shoko has always been a supportive friend, perhaps bordering on too supportive. You cherish her motherly concern, and rather vulgar honesty. 

“Mm, I’ll manage.” 

“I can come over after work.” You flip onto your back, soaking in the mild sunlight. 

“S’alright, I’m sure you’re busy, and I might sleep in. Wallow in sorrow for a few hours.” Shoko drawls a dramatic groan and creaks back in her chair. 

“Nothing good comes out of feeling sorry for yourself. Go to the club or somethin’.” 

“‘N how’s that gonna help?” 

“Better than whining at home. Wear something sexy, look pretty and get laid. That’s how I get over shit.” 

“Mm, right. I don’t know if that’s gonna work” you giggle, toying with one of the ears on your stuffed bunny. 

“Oh yeah, forgot you’re the born-again Virgin Mary now. You know… if you want to get over ‘him’, you have to take the first step.” You can envision her air quotations. She treats his name as forbidden speech, and regularly refers to it in conversation as “he who shall not be named.” 

“Ugh, mother Shoko’s speaking.” 

“Listen, it may or may not work. Don’t knock it ‘till you try it is all I’m saying.” 

“Yea? Well, if he has a tiny dick, I’m blaming you.” 

“Nothing wrong with shellfish.” 

The last curl falls in place, and you follow it up with copious amounts of hairspray. Fanning your bathroom after a drawn out coughing fit, you get a good look at your figure in the mirror. The backless lacy black dress you’re wearing hugs you in all the right places and guides the detail sitting tight under your butt. It’s undoubtedly revealing, coupled with strappy heels and a dark cat eye.  

You walk past your vanity and pause at the messy jewelry box, riddled with remnants of Toji’s adoration. Sparkling varieties of heavy necklaces and rings and precious diamonds; ninety percent of your jewels were because of him. You’d asked if he stole the items he gifted you, and he’d come up with an elaborate sarcastic story about a jewelry heist he carried out, and how appreciative you should be. Buried underneath rested your engagement ring, a sparkling cut that crowded your entire finger. You couldn’t bring yourself to pawn it, opting to occasionally revel in its beauty before shoving it in a far corner with your feelings. 

Shoko wasn’t lying about how sexy you’d feel dolled up, and it shows in your confidence as you modeled around your bedroom, striking poses to no one. Your plushies weren’t very appreciative of the full-blown fashion show, but you hadn’t felt like this for a long while. Maybe it was about time you entered the dating scene. 

The entrance to Infinity appears as a run-down tacky club from an outdated era, and it’s easy to miss the multicolored flashes dotting the black tinted glass on each side. A few steps past the black and white checkered vestibule, and you get to experience the scale of a roaring, clashing club. It’s not half as lively on the outside; sweat dripping under twinkling lights of multicolor, bodies colliding and moving to the melodic sway of erratic music vibrating through the floor, freely drowning and expelling their insecurities, deepest struggles. It’s both welcoming and hopeless.  

A woman balances her shot glass as she gyrates against a stranger while another stumbles off the dance floor in a drunken stupor. The heat and screams are overstimulating, circulating around you. You consider withdrawing, especially since you held some reservations about partying solo. However, this is what you need, to get comfortable with doing things by yourself. 

So you down shots, two, three, burning of different varieties that heighten your body temperature and nerve. You throw back a mix of dark and white liquor, a dangerous combo that dizzies your vision and runs up an unfathomable tab you can't afford. The strangers accompanying you at the counter encourage you. No rational thoughts, let alone decision making, register in your alcohol-sodden mind. Like strings being fielded by a puppeteer, your legs move on their own to the dance floor.  

It’s hot. The blurring iridescence bends to produce shapes that make your fuzzy brain giggle for some odd reason. You’re moving in slow motion, and the world’s continuing at max speed. You don’t care either way. You’re light on your feet, and the music goads you to dance. Spinning, hands tangled between your locks traveling down the curve of your thighs, hearing the lyrics inside and out as if no one is watching. 

You dance with women and men alike, anyone willing to help you overlook your heartache. It’s floaty, an airiness that spills sober thoughts from cotton mouth and makes every touch electrifying. It’s in your legs and arms, your restless feet and fingers. You laugh hysterically, incomprehensibly, and switch to sadness in a heartbeat. These aimless bodies, just as lost as you, drinking to your despair. Was it worth the abyss tomorrow held, or the agonizing headache as a result? 

After those dances, mainly flailing efforts at rhythm, your head is barreling. You’re suffering from a heavy case of vertigo at the slightest turn, and your stomach’s riddled with knots. It hits you like a car crash, and you strive to stabilize yourself as bile fills your throat, cringing when you reluctantly swallow. A disorienting slurry of words and faces ask you things you cannot hear or see, and it suddenly becomes too real. 

In few sparse moments, your life plays before you in stop motion. From heaving over the toilet while a lady with long nails held your hair back, to knocking the drink out of someone’s hand on your way out. Now you’re walking on one heel and holding the other. You might’ve popped a nail if not for security holding the door open. They attempt to flag you, but you reply with a curt slurred “‘M fine.”  

You push your knees together, sitting on the corner of a curb. This isn’t how you expected the night to end. It’s pitch black beside street lamps, and awfully quiet in contrast to inside. Shivers ripple through you despite the persistent warmth pooling in your ears. You lean on a street lamp in the calm cold as people leave, probably running to participate in intimate affairs with their acquaintances. The gentle hand on a waist or shoulder forms a subconscious smile; young, passionate love blooming on a random night. 

And you burst into tears.  

Ugly tears streaming down your face in blobs that don’t stop no matter how much you wipe them, followed by deep sniffles. They smear across your phone while you search for a taxi app, and your cloudy eyes deceive you. 

You jolt when a hand brushes against your arm and turn to meet the foggy face of a man with stubble. You wipe your wet cheeks and lean further from him.  

“Hey baby, you alright?” The pet-name makes you shudder. You definitely don’t know him, and at this point there’s no one outside. 

“Wh’re you?” you garble. 

“Kusakabe. Where ya off to?” 

“Waitin’ for uh frien’” Your eyelids waver, failing to stay alert under the frightening stare burning holes through your skull.  

“A friend, huh…you gotta man?” he asks, stepping closer to you. You back away to the side of the light. 

“Go away.” You’re definitive, but he laughs as if it were the ridiculous request of a child. 

“I like that dress. You look hot.” His hand drags along the strap of your dress, but you nudge his hand.  

“Mm’get off me. N’don’ need your help.” He scoffs with offense, and as you go to leave, he grabs your wrist firm. 

“Relax. Tryna go home with someone tonight?” You’re trembling, tugging with as much force as you can muster in your punch-drunk state, but he doesn’t budge. 

“L’ve me alone” 

“Don’t be like that, baby. I’ll call a cab-” 

Whack! Your wrist goes limp, and the crunch and crack of flesh hitting concrete echoes. You sluggishly pan to him, knocked out cold beyond the spotlight. The influence takes you, however, and you nearly find yourself joining him on the sidewalk. Before you can fall, a broad, rough hand supports your lower back. Their deep gritty tone is inches away from you. 

“C’mon, sweetheart.” 

You rise from an unusually sweet slumber. The light shines through your eyelids, unavoidable even when you maneuver the velvety warm blanket for shade. Your eyeballs shift across thin skin being prodded by intrusive sun, and as they crack open, you catch a glimpse of the glass coffee table in front of you, arranged with perfection resembling a furniture showroom. You smile to yourself half-asleep, wondering when you bought such an expensive item, and how an abundance of sunlight made its way through your average window. You’re drifting off anew. 

Then, you shoot up. 

You start to really take in the surroundings, and when you do, a pit drops in your stomach. An ultra-wide flat screen television faces you, decorated with plants on either side. Craning your neck, the long windows of this penthouse line the adjacent wall up to the ceiling, which hangs a glass geometric chandelier. This isn’t your bedroom, nor your apartment.  

 Instantly you switch to sitting, and recoil just as fast. Pain envelops the wrinkles of your brain, and you wince from abrupt tension. You palm the bridge of your nose. 

“Fuck” you whisper. Last night replays in your head through staccato bursts, though you couldn’t remember the minutes before you passed out. Embarrassment creeps onto your ears at the freak show you performed hours ago. You’d made a fool of yourself, puked and tripped like a sloppy drunk college girl. You can’t be more ashamed, and to top it off, you’re in the house of a stranger you possibly slept with. You look down from the smooth sectional sofa, and notice your heels arranged neatly beneath you with your phone and bag. At the very least, the man you engaged with seems to be accommodating.  

You scurry to put your heels on, and hopefully sneak out in silence before you face further humiliation. Something about this blanket smells familiar; musk and oakmoss and man, grazing across your nose like the aroma in an intimate embrace, the earthy dew of calm before a storm, a trace only you can understand. 

“Finally up?”  

It’s that gravelly smoky voice you lived in for five years, and some before that. The voice you fell asleep to, mumbling nonsense in your ear through boorish snores. The voice you fell in love with, easily saying “I do” when you wedded at the courthouse. The voice you resent, saying nothing at all when you cried. 

You look behind you, and there he is, walking down the staircase. He’s wearing boxers, settled under the tufts of hair running down his belly button. His rugged muscles peek out from the untied black robe dangling to his strong calves. His hair grew out a bit since you’ve last seen him, shaggy bedhead running across his eyes and covering his ears. 

He smirks the same, though, sweet and soft for such a dour man, like nothing ever happened, approaching you while you sneer at the cruel joke bestowed upon you. 

“Toji.” You haven’t said it in forever. It’s abashing how quickly your regularly tense shoulders relax in his proximity.  

“How ya feelin’? Hope the couch was comfortable enough, figured you wouldn’t wanna sleep in my bed” he says, rubbing the back of his neck as he stretched his sturdy back.  

“It was fine.”  

There's an awkward quiet afterwards. The air’s thick, glass straining under pressure, threatening to give way at the smallest disturbance. 

Toji clears his throat. “So, um...you need somethin’? Water?” 

“No” you bark, folding your arms across your chest. You can’t look at him, not without feeling enraged. You’re the afterthought, the chaser, rushing after a man who wouldn’t dare look twice. “How’d you even know I was there?” 

“Coincidence” he replies, and you scoff. He couldn’t get away with lying to you; playing games with moves you’ve lost to countless times. 

“Like hell it was a coincidence. I’m in a completely different city now, what were you doing there?” You have to physically bite back the words begging to spill from your mouth as his head wanders in thought, possibly concocting another fabrication. 

“Had business” 

“Oh, I’m supposed to believe the man who hates keeping a job had ‘business’. Okay.” You don’t acknowledge the extravagance of the apartment he must be paying for monthly. That, or a chain of illegal activities—whatever assumption suited your irritation in the moment. 

“Well, ya wouldn’t believe me no matter what I said, anyway” he chides. You’re a shaken bottle ready to explode, and his nonchalant demeanor only eggs you on. Toji’s perpetually dismissive, looking down on you like a pitiful puppy. 

“Because you’re always full of shit” you snap. He exerts a loaded sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose, as if he had any right to be tired of the situation. 

“’M not lyin’.” 

“Right.” You observe your surroundings more. It’s too opulent, pricey vases you wouldn’t expect from the ex-husband that once thought hanging jackets in the doorway was “decoration.” Definitely not fit for a single guy. You’re separated, and you know it's not your responsibility to keep tabs on his sex life, but that caviling thought won’t stop taunting you. How could he get over it so soon?  

“If you were just gonna bring me back to your fuck pad, I should’ve slept on the curb. Who knows how many girls you’ve had here.” 

He gets eye-level, sitting on the coffee table with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together like a drained salaryman, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“What’s wrong with me? You can’t be serious. Like you never do anything wrong, like everything that’s happened until now is somehow my fault and you did nothing, nothing, to contribute to the bullshit. Stop acting like a fucking victim.” 

“Little lady, you got shitfaced, and some guy was tryna take your drunk ass home. You’re lucky you went home with me instead.” 

“I could’ve handled it; I don’t need you for anything-” 

“You could barely keep your eyes op-” 

“I would’ve handled it! Just like I handle everything else. Alone. Every time. It gets done, I’m not incompetent, Toji!” 

You could hear a pin drop in the stillness. Those forested eyes are gazing into your soul. It’s said and done, and you’ve got it off your chest, yet it hurts like a freshly sliced gash. The arguing doesn’t change, married or not. It sucks when you shout, uncontrollable like a blazing fire, only to be snubbed out by his calm, condescending tone. 

“...I know.”  

You can’t take it, it’s stifling being near him. Wounds loosely covered by band aids seem to peel at his presence, and you’re stuck at his mercy again. You can’t give him the satisfaction of crying in addition to the drunk, poor decisions you made, hardening your expression as you fumble for your phone. 

“Take me home” you demand. Toji stands with an exaggerated stretch on both arms, painfully slow. Before you can hurl your phone at him from the dramatics, he looks down on you with that intoxicating gaze. 

“Are ya hungry?” 

You furrow your brows, and hastily put on the other shoe. Turning on your heels, you go to leave, and are immediately stopped by Toji's calloused hand holding your wrist. You don’t watch, but his palm is gentle. You could smoothly slip out and exit his apartment, forget this engagement and continue a peaceful, isolated life. You’d move on eventually—perhaps to bigger, happier jobs and romances. 

 Despite that hopeful outcome, you remain.  

“I don’t wanna eat. If you don’t take me home, I'll call a cab.” 

“I’ll take ya home, just...look, I know you’re hungry, and I’m down to eat at a diner down the block. Don’t worry about a thing, I’ll pay for it.” Toji isn’t known for being docile, but with his curved posture almost leaning into you and dejection in his eyes, you swear he’s searching for pity. 

“I said I’m not-,” The untimely arrival of your dinning, rumbling stomach cuts off any excuse. A corner of his mouth upturns, and your face contorts to scorned pride. 

“...Fine. Let’s make it quick.” 

“Great. Can’t have ya walkin’ around like that, though.” He pans to your chest. You haven’t thought to give your outfit a glance, but when you do, your eyes grow wide. The entirety of your conversation with Toji, your chest was spilling out the dress, and now part of your areolas is exposed. You cover up the top, but he stares with an x-ray's invasiveness. You reprimand him, swatting his chest; 

“Pervert!” 

There was an added benefit to being around Toji; the way people cleared a path for him and treated him with frightened kindness, afraid that pissing off the physically intimidating man would land them a one-way ticket to the nearest hospital.  

They weren’t exactly wrong, and you have a satisfied pep in your step as people scoot aside. He strides in front of you to get the door, and you mutter a small “thank you.”  

Sweet fluffy pancakes and charred grills mingle with faint notes of bleach. At least he knew better than to take you to a fancy establishment, especially since you were wearing a baggy t-shirt from him, and basketball shorts you had to tie around the waistband. His massive slides had you flopping across the dining aisle as you got to your booth. He’s not particularly dressed either, wearing matching shorts and a compression top. 

It’s hard not to perceive the way women ogle him, drooling at the way his biceps flex when he raises the menu, and his chiseled jaw tensing while he ponders the food options. It was a notable problem when you were married. They’d glare at you, shower him with compliments in front of you, and you’d shrink yourself. Occasionally the waiter would pretend you don’t exist as she swayed her hips at every little thing Toji said. If they want him, they can have him. It’s not your business, right? It’s no different with this waiter, twirling the curl of her hair as Toji reiterates his order, shifting from one leg to the other to highlight her curves.  

Not my business. You're nauseous.  

Not my business. Your fists clench underneath the table. 

Your head’s swimming in thoughts, uncertainty crashing down like a wave upon your increasingly loud intrusions. You drown within yourself, until you’re pulled out by a thumb travelling up your hand, and other fingers clasping around it. 

“Watcha wanna order, angel?” You regain composure, and when you blink, Toji is waiting for you. The waiter side-eyes you and the joining of your hands.  

“You lost? Take her order” he spat. 

The food's steaming hot and fresh, and you salivate at the plate in front of you. Toji snatches your bacon before you can, and you begrudgingly watch as he breaks the strips into two pieces, the way you like it. He winks, and you groan. You coat your strawberry pancakes with maple syrup, trespassing territory around the scrambled eggs and bacon, and he laughs across from you. 

“What’s funny?” 

“Never stopped drowning your breakfast in syrup” he ribs. You pout and swirl your bacon, “It makes it taste better.” 

Soon, food in your belly aided your dialogue, and the old banter returned; an easygoing flow, similar to a lifelong friend you hadn’t spoken to in decades. You giggle between bites and gossip about mutual rumors. 

"What you been doin’ since..." Toji trails off, falling short of “divorce”—a word he never wants to say. 

"Shoko recommended me to her boss, so I'm working uptown now. Pay's okay, nothing to write home about."  

"S'good. Livin comfortable?"  

"As comfortable as I can be"  

"Real humble. Guessin’ it's better than before" he jokes, though you sense a displace in his bearing at the nervous grin he flashes. You reach onto to his side and grab one of the grapes off his plate. You pop one in your mouth, "So, what drug ring got you that house?"  

"The cartel. Good vacation time, too" he jests. 

"Nice. at least it's not that shitty garbage gig you had for a while."  

"It did pay well."  

"Yeah? Couldn't get rid of the rotten milk and vomit smell for weeks after. Remember I made you shower at Geto’s apartment?" 

“Heh, yeah, he was fuckin’ pissed” he laughs, stealing a piece of sugary bacon from the syrup pool. "I'm a CEO, run a company downtown."  

"Ooo, look at you. Can't be little if it did this much for you" you say as you gesture at the empty dishes on the table. Restaurants were a luxury in your household. 

"I guess. I had a vision, and some people believed in me”, he pokes at the leftover blueberries, “I finally made it happen, that counts for something, right?"  

You pick another off his plate, smile stretching, "You're a natural born leader. People will follow you regardless, even if it's not the right choice."  

His eyebrows raised in surprise, "That's the first good thing you said about me today."  

"Don't get used to it." 

You wait for Toji to retrieve his car after walking back to his apartment. You’re awestruck in many ways; he paid for the whole meal with a black card and showed undying manners. He bowed to your requests. You’re smarter than this, though. This is his opportunity to get on your good side, and he’s showing the best version of himself. However, it fills your heart with want—like the initial dating phase, those butterfly stricken, heart-numbing, sappy gestures that made you melt.  

He wraps around the car to open your door, and you plant yourself in the sleek beige interior. Your eyes flick to the veins in his forearm straining as he steers, his deadpan focused expression and the composed R&B music low in the background. It starts to drizzle, and raindrops plink the car roof. 

You feel complete; And that alone is a dreadful reality. 

The scar on his lip twists to a smile, “Did’ya like the food?”  

You turn your nose up, “it was satisfactory.” He snickers, and navigates to the street your apartment is on. “Shit, I gotta give you your clothes back.” 

“Forget it, bring it when you get the chance.” Chance. He expected to see you again. You hang your head as he approaches the complex. You didn’t want today to end, but this is it. You’ll leave this car and go your separate ways. This is how it should be.  

You place an earnest hand on his shoulder and cast a smile. The corners quiver and your first syllable wobbles, but you finally speak, “I’m proud of you, Toji. I mean it. You’re going to do great things, and I’m always rooting for you.”  

He swallows stiff, and suddenly he’s sickly pale. Something within you is pleased at that reaction; if he wants redemption, he should beg and drop to his knees and crawl for forgiveness, he should lock himself up for your eyes only and cut off everyone else in his life. You’re walking away a second time, rightfully so, but you struggle to decipher what you want in this moment. He palms your hand, staring at you, “I’m all for praise, but tell me when we meet again” 

“Toji, there can’t be a next- “ 

“Give me your phone.” 

“Huh?” His urgency throws you off guard, “Don’t think, just give me your phone.” It’s impossible to kill the complicated slurry that is your mind, and a new bundle of thoughts emerges from his request, but for a heartbeat, you allow yourself to wander. Pitter patter and muted music, heated seats, the cologne radiating from Toji—all that exists. 

 You moved on instinct, and now your phone is in Toji’s hands. He's adding his contact information. He hands it back to you, fingers brushing against your soft skin.  

“I won’t text or call you. ’S there whenever you need me. Move at your own pace and call me when you’re ready.” With that, you exit his car. No hug or gratitude, skipping goodbyes as you rush out the car. It’s bittersweet when he pulls off, and you’re left with the ghost of him.  

The familiar click of your convoluted keys in the apartment door could bring you to tears. You’ve officially reverted to your mundane, boring lifestyle. The walls look duller today. 

You curiously click on his contact, and giggle at the name he assigned himself: 

dumbass ex 

tick, tock, tick, tock 

The blue light beaming through your office computer is an eyesore, but you have little say in the matter. There's an upcoming deadline for these reports, you can’t waste precious skill complaining about circumstances out of your control. It’s tiresome, and you rove to the cobweb missing a string in the corner of the room, or the single drop of water roaming outside those wide sterile windows. The balls of your feet carry your flats as you absentmindedly push a pen against your lip. 

Your concentration has been out of commission since meeting Toji. He kept his word and hadn’t called you whatsoever. A month passed, and still nothing. Be glad, you told yourself, get your goals back on track. Your exercises get vicious, from jogging to a full sprint, hoping that those buckets of sweat will shed off the extra weight of Toji’s abidance. The fruit bowl on your break offends you with mocking displays of strawberries and grapes. You’ve pondered deleting the contact entirely to repel enticement, but you can’t do it. It’s painfully clear that you miss him. 

He’s horrible, callous and selfish. Of course, Toji had a way of showing up at your lowest to fill your head with empty promises and gestures of affection, that charming grin shooting daggers at your weakness. In his gaze, you’re defenseless, and in his arms, you’re exposed.  

Albeit late, a pestering thought carves into you, unfortunate and disgraceful to the healing you strive to accomplish; message Toji. 

A set of wheels rolls above the carpet, and you see Shoko, lifeless arms hanging beyond the armrests. The bags under her eyes signify stress from finalizing late papers.  

“Unnghhhh, (Y/N), I can’t do it” she laments, drooping her head to the side. You pat the top of her hair, “I believe in you.” 

“What are you working on?” She quirks a brow, and you stare at the screen with her. You’ve typed an entire page of straight gibberish. “I’m getting distracted too...” 

“Let’s quit and tell her to shove it.” 

“You know I can’t do that” you fuss as you backspace the document. “Mm, me neither. What’s got you zoned out?” 

“Nothing in particular.” You’re afraid to tell Shoko of your rendezvous, she might become volcanic and fire magma at the sound of any “-oji”. 

“I know it’s not nothing. New boyfriend, hm?” 

“S-something like that” you chuckle. She shapes an ‘O’ with her mouth, and wheels closer. Her bangs touch your eyebrows, and she rests her chin on her hand. Her usual dead eyes have a malicious twinkle in them. 

“What’s he like? Is he tall or short?” she gasps, “did you meet him at the club? I told you it was a good idea; I really am the best advisor.” 

You sigh, “It’s no one new.” 

“Ooo, an old flame. Spicy. What’s his name?” You turn slowly, a nervous bite on your lips. She studies your face, and slowly hers drops. 

“Do not fucking say it.” 

“Shokoooo” you whine, searching for sympathy from her. Instead of that, your body is shaken violently as she whisper-yells, “Are you kidding? Get a grip! What’s gotten into you, you were fine!” 

“But I wasn’t. It sucks, I feel lonely all the time.” 

“You felt lonelier with him than without him!” 

“I know, but...” You ball your lips in with furrowed brows, and she holds her breath. 

“I wanna go see him” you squeak. Instantly, she squishes your cheeks with both hands to hold you in place. 

“Absolutely. Fucking. Not.” 

At home, you pace back and forth in front of the phone resting on your bed. Toji’s contact is open, and nausea is brewing in your stomach. You’re giddy and ill, working up the courage to press “call”. You really should be practicing Shoko’s advice, but you’ve long surpassed common sense. You leave and come back, spying on it from a distance. Eventually, you forgo the theatrics and grab the phone to hit the messenger app. 

Three dots vanish and resurface. You can’t get it right:

'Hey stranger I got custody of ur clothes rn' 

'Hey haha I missed u can I come over?' 

'Yo what’s up? Still have ur clothes do u want them?' 

'I’m coming to give u ur stinky clothes' 

This shouldn’t be complicated, and you don’t usually perform the process of elimination for simple responses, but it’s Toji. You’re scrambling and overanalyzing, reiterating your choice of slang only to delete it all over again. You settle for a simple message. “Hey Toji, I wanted to return your clothes. Let me know when you’re available. Thanks”  

Once you hit send, you run a marathon around your bedroom, tippy tapping to expel your anticipation. The churning grows as seconds pass, and so does your doubt. You tiptoe to the phone as if a displaced floorboard would activate the alarm. You’re about to tap the screen, and then your ringtone plays.   

Oh god. 

You take a deep breath and swipe right on the faceless profile picture labeled “dumbass ex”.  

“…Hello?” 

“Hey, angel.” You avoid a dull pound in your chest at the memorable pet name. “So, um-“  

“I wanna see you. I’m available now, and I’ll be home by the time you get here” he states, direct and confident. His conviction validates yours, you bend to his direction. 

“Okay then. I’ll start getting ready.” 

“I’ll send a cab to your address. See you soon.” When he hangs up, you dive into the pile of plushies. Squeezing them for emotional support, kicking your feet in the air as you scream into your ruffled pillows like a girl’s first crush. You have a long night ahead of you. 

You access Toji’s building. He must’ve notified them you were coming, as the doors were open upon arrival, and a bellhop was sent to guide you to his floor. You’re standing outside of it, clothes and a bottle of champagne in hand. Your stretchy maxi dress clings to your figure, complimenting the juicy shade of lip gloss you’re wearing—the shade he loved most on you during your marriage. You ring the bell, and it doesn’t take long before he opens the door. The scene you’re exposed to swells heat between your legs. 

Toji has nothing but a towel shimmied low on his hips, v-line adorned with veins and biceps corded with muscle. He’s trimmed his hair since your last encounter, and it’s dripping wet along with the rest of his soaked body. You’ve interrupted his shower apparently, but he didn’t hesitate to rush to the door, water cascading from the raven veil, sluicing down his sculpted chest. He had to have done this on purpose, but you weren’t complaining at this point; he looked damn good doing it. You can’t disengage from the beads branching amid his pecs and through his happy trail. God, you wish you were water personified right no- 

“You’re staring, dollface” he teases with a smirk. Your eyes snap to his, and you remember to breathe. You clumsily hold up the liquid peace offering, “Brought a little something.” 

“Thanks. Make yourself comfortable, I’m gonna get dressed.” You nod, and he marches upstairs. You don’t need comfortability; you need to be in and out of here before you do something you’ll regret.  

But...is that cedarwood and vanilla? The interior gives off romantic energy at night, attractive dim lighting throughout and dull flickering pops of his fireplace in the living room. You find the source of that heavenly scent sitting on his kitchen island, and awkwardly place the bottle down. You don’t know what to do with yourself, more so you don’t know what to say. It’s hard to recite a script when things aren’t going according to plan. Did you want to apologize, or force him to apologize? Maybe you should’ve cursed him out, rehashed his asshole behavior from the past until he drowned in guilt. You want to kiss and slap him, cry in his arms until your voice gives out and disappear all at once.  

There’s a beautiful clear vase in the center, crammed with your favorite flowers, and your fingers dance across the petals. “You like ‘em?” he asks stepping into the kitchen. His hair’s still saturated, but he’s sporting grey sweatpants and a black ribbed tank top. “They’re very pretty.” 

“They’re for you.” 

You switch between his playful expression and the burst of colors, “You don’t have to do that.” The bouquet evokes recollections of heated arguments—anytime he’d angered you to tears, and you slammed that bedroom door in his face, you always woke up to similar flowers on the floor. They were cheap, but it meant more than money; because despite the fights and disagreements, it let you know that he’d love you regardless. 

“I wanted to. As thanks for bringing my clothes.” He’s pacing towards you, and you’re bound to the floor like melting wax. His gaze is captivating, and you’re entranced by the verdurous ardor that won’t deter from you. 

“Thank you”, you say as he looms above you and inspects the scripture on the pale bottle. His large thumb blocks the intricate lettering he’s trying to read, “I should be thanking you. Didn’t think you’d ever message me.” 

You can feel the body heat radiating off him, the airy words as he mouths the contents. His eyebrows furrow to follow his focus, while you lose yours.   

“I-I should probably get going-” Without delay, Toji blocks your side with an iron grip on the island, trapping you in the confines of his broad wingspan. 

“Leaving so soon? You got plans tonight?” Saying and doing are completely different stories, and from the way your feet haven’t moved, you aren’t in a rush to go anywhere. 

“Not really, but I worked today and I’m kinda tired-”  

“Then what better way to unwind than with a bottle? I can’t drink this by myself, might as well keep me company” he suggests, persuasion to a greater extent when your lower back hits the bar. A drink or two couldn’t hurt, right? 

“I guess I can stay for a few minutes.” Toji flashes a victorious toothy grin and retrieves cups from the sink cupboard. He gives you a rounded glass, and his muscles flex below candlelight as he maneuvers the cork at an angle. 

“Let’s crack this open” he says, popping the cap off and pouring a substantial amount of golden fizz into both cups. 

Toji raises his glass, “A toast.” 

You tilt your head but raise yours as well. “To what?” 

“Us.”  

Us is a funny thing—with enough effort, it becomes you and I just as quickly as it formed. You don’t know if you’re willing to accept the responsibility of eternity. The devastation of commitment could damage you forever. There’s no us, but there’s you and him. So, you clink your glass, “To us,” and his eyes never leave yours as he takes a swig. It lasts a lifetime among longing breaths and unsaid words. 

He brings the champagne to the living room, “I’ll turn on a movie. You know that cheesy romcom shit you used to watch? They made a sequel.” You fall flat on containing your excitement. He grabs the remote and lays back with his thighs spread apart.  

Toji pats the couch, “Come sit. Don’t worry, I won’t bite.” You hardly believe that, but you remove your heels and relax upon overstuffed cushions. You opt to sit farther on the couch, and there’s an annoyed twitch on his lip at your display of boundaries. Nevertheless, he starts the movie. 

Toji’s not particularly sneaky. He announces multiple bathroom breaks, returning to a spot on the couch that’s inconspicuous, but inching closer to you. The intent becomes clear when the ghost of his shoulder knocks against you, spreading his thighs wider to brush against the softness huddled into your snug figure. You’re half paying attention to the cliché performance, and half observing Toji. It’s hard not to smile when he behaves like a disobedient dog obligated to sit.  

It’s cute that he arced himself to be eye-level with you. His tank rode up to expose his lower abdomen, and he adjusts himself in his sweats, jaw occasionally clenching. It could be the drink talking, perhaps you’ve had too many.  

The movie ends, and you exhale a sigh of relief. “I forgot how corny this shit is.” 

Toji shrugs, “I didn’t think it was too bad.” 

“No way, you actually liked it?” you gasp. He huffs out his nose, smiling, “People change.” 

“I’m shocked” you quip. Dusk creeps into a descending sunset, and you steal a glance at your phone screen. Bright as day, a notification from Shoko emerges. “NO TOJI >:(" 

You’re stumped thinking of a reply, one that doesn’t compromise your less-than-ideal situation, when Toji puts his hand over the screen. “Hope I’m not gettin’ ya in trouble.” 

“Like you care.” He chuckles and slides it to the far side of the couch. “You’re right. Let’s watch another.” 

This next movie's decent; a flat racing plot with excessive sequels. He unleashes an exaggerated yawn, extending his triceps to land behind your head. You quirk a brow at him, and he plays innocent. “You look cold” he says. You don’t care as much as you pretend. His pads trace the shell of your burning ear down to the lobe, to fine hair at the end of your neck. His rough hand massages the back of your head, and you lull to his chest. Be it the champagne or his actions, it’s too hot for comfort. Clamping your thighs shut spurs the intensity. His other hand languidly tests the limits of your skin, gossamer touches from your knee to your thigh. It's asking, and when you don’t object, he invites the entire palm to your knee, rubbing delicately. He brings it to your upper thigh, and retreats to the outside, getting dangerously close to your rear. The worst part is it’s not that bad. It’s intimate. Warm. 

Loving. 

It takes you a minute to comprehend you’re tearing up, but Toji recognizes that hushed sniffle. Airy and choked, quiet as to not be a burden. He circles a hand around your waist and pulls you impossibly close. He tilts your chin to his gaze, soft and deceptively gentle when he asks. 

“What’s wrong pretty, hm?” You say nothing through the constrains in your throat, streaking the tears that fall faster than you can wipe them. This man alone can reduce you to mush with a wave of his hand. He bares your rawest state and sculpts you back together with such purity, such devotion, that you’d plead for him to sink his clay sodden fingers into your nothing, and make you everything. 

“Tell me, and I’ll fix it.” 

You say just above a whisper, “You’re selfish, you know that?”  

“Mhm, I know” he nods, grazing his thumb across your lip. 

“This isn’t healthy for us; we can’t heal like this.” He angles your head with his half lidded gaze, polishing your damp undereyes.  

“I don’t need healing. I need you.” 

You find passage in his hair, and surrender to temptation. 

You test with a smooch. Then another. Then a series of tender, sugary kisses are pushed upon his pliant lips, and he responds in kind. You curl your fingers through his tresses as you explore the contours of his lips for what feels like the first time. Toji isn’t known for patience, but the sensation of his mildly dry lips getting smoother from your supple kisses gives him the will to savor this moment. You push and pull from each other, indulging in the messy smacks and caresses. You stop amid shared breaths to skim and nudge his yearning lips, diving into more hungry kisses. Toji abruptly lifts you over him, and you deepen its bruising passion.  

You lick his bottom lip, and he groans, parting his mouth to allow your entry. You traverse the pink mass, interlacing in a wet feverish exchange. Your mind is numb, and the heartbeat in your core strikes stronger when your tongues intertwine. Toji hikes your dress up and slinks his massive hands over the plush fat of your rear. He earns a muffled moan from you as he kneads and gropes, and you feel his smirk against your lips. He grips your ass and starts to grind your hips on the bulge in his pants, a silent beg for any amount of friction. You wind with his movements, consuming him, and you hear a whimper get lost in the back of his throat.  

You drag your teeth along his neck. You lick and suck in a few spots and decide to draw harshly on a responsive patch of skin while circling the fat of your pussy over his sensitive cock, taut in his boxers. His breath hitches, and he slaps your ass. “Fuck, baby please.” It’s rare to witness him begging like this, and you’re drinking it in. You lick up his Adam’s apple and pepper his jaw with kisses. “You like it?” 

“Need more.” You bite his bottom lip for what seems like an exchange, but break away once he leans in. “Mm, be patient Toji.”  

Your hands traverse the rugged muscle under his tank top. He aids in taking it off, and you rake over his breathless torso. You kiss along his pecs and lick the groove of his abs, delighting in the parts you missed during your separation. Toji has a tinge of red soaking his chest and ears, shifting uncomfortably from his throbbing cock when you bat your eyes as you slope to the floor. You slip a finger under his waistband, playfully running over its span, and snapping it from a peak. He hisses. You palm his erection, and he grinds into it.  

“Wait” he husks. He reaches for a pillow and shuffles it under your knees. “Oh, thank you” you say, but it doesn’t look like he hears you in the chaos of tugging his sweatpants down to expose his boxers. The anticipation’s killing you, so you free his dick from its confinement. 

You can’t forget the mouthwatering size. His girth meets his length with equal satisfaction. The base is tan, fading to a rosy tip and a faint curve. You committed his veins to memory, small ones embossing the sides and a prominent one meandering to his tip. 

You maintain eye contact with him, hand steady on the base as you deliver taunting little licks to his frenulum. You precisely ring around his urethra and trace the veins, pulsating from the flick of your wrist. Toji hisses shaky curses and bucks, beefy thighs stiffening when you roll a flat strip to his leaking head and pump the base of his cock. He didn’t want to push you, but his whole body twitched in desire. “Your mouth” he groans. You react a coy ‘huh?’, tapping the head on your tongue and slathering it in saliva with cutesy doe eyes. He’s homed in on the strings of saliva connecting him to your tongue. 

An undertone of desperation in his gravelly voice, “Whole thing. In your mouth,” he expends another shaky breath, “please.” 

He bites his lip and stifles a moan, watching you engulf the cockhead in your mouth. You hollow out your cheeks while the underside of your tongue holds firm, and cautiously accommodate his size. It’s too big for comfort and it stretches the capacity of your plump spit-covered lips, but you work through the daunting pressure poking your reflex. You gradually relax, periodically gagging from an unprepared increase, and he twitches at your tightening throat. Your nose finally touches the hilt, flooded in his musk, and you start to suck. You bob leisurely, adjusting to the sense, and he subtly squirms in your touch.  

Toji crinkles his brows when you release a pleasant pop on his tip, purely to observe his eyes rolling back when you wreck him in a noisy suction. Noise was no longer a factor—sounds of spit and dry retching overpowered the volume of the movie regardless. He holds your hair away from you to get a better view of your face, smothered with tears and mascara, drool ceaseless down your chin. “F-fuck, you’re so good, so, so good to me” he groans. 

Your tongue swirls around him as you’re bobbing, and you accompany it with a tender massage to his balls. You cup and fondle them, using the lubrication from your spit to glide your fingers across. He sighs and grabs a handful of your hair. “Need to come. Keep that pretty throat open for me, yeah?” 

He rapidly shoves you down to the hilt, and you wince before he continues at a relentless pace. You anchor his thigh for stability, and he throws his head back, fucking your throat raw. There's a sheen of sweat where his bangs stick to his forehead, and he emits an endless measure of moans the closer he gets. Rambling about nonsense, yes’s and curses as he stiffens. He treats your mouth like a flesh light, evident by the throat bulge disappearing and reappearing. You happily accept the searing jaw, swaying your ass from thrumming in your saturated panties damp to your inner thighs.  

You can tell he’s about to climax because he goes completely quiet minus the panting, open mouthed with his head back. You resume massaging his balls, and he shoves you to the base, “C-coming” he moans. You grab onto him, and a squeak dies in your throat when he paints it white. He shakes, groans for each spurt coating your mouth, pumping the last of his semen as you swallow. 

Toji shudders when he pulls out, and his panting returns to a soft huff. You expected him to be spent, or at least sit in the aftershocks for a while until he calmed down. But he tightens the grip on your hair and forces you to look up. “Show me” he husks. You stick your tongue out, proof you swallowed every bit. “Now c’mere”, he guides you into a filthy French kiss, devouring you with much more dominance than before. It’s as though your nearness restored him. You can hardly stand your feeble knees and sopping core, but Toji takes care of it for you. With unnatural vigor, he lifts you over his shoulder, and marches up the stairs. “Ah, Toji, maybe you should take a sec-” 

He swats your butt harsh, and you yelp from the sting. “Don’t fuckin’ tell me what to do. You’ve been so mouthy, a damn tease, too. You’re gonna regret it.” 

You’re ferried into the rather plain bedroom lined with dim hues, and a wide ceiling length mirror opposite the bed. He tosses you on the dark gray bedding and climbs over you. Your heart’s racing with thrill. Toji yanks the dress over your head, uncovering the sheer white lacey bra, similar to your underwear.  

He stares like you’re a piece of meat, feasting on your flawlessness not yet smothered in hickeys and bruises, your nipples at attention under the fabric. “It’s all for me, huh?” he whispers, lust rolling off his tongue. You nod, because it’s always been for him, whether he was here or not. He buries himself in your cleavage and hums in satisfaction. His touch sends goosebumps to your skin and keeps your back arched when he drags a pad along your spine. Then your bra unclasps, and he removes it carefully, as if he didn’t want to spoil the surprise by unwrapping his gift too early. He gawks at them for an embarrassingly long pause, enough to make your cheeks hot, and you chide, “Stop staring.” 

“Shut up, you’re gorgeous.” Toji submerges the bud, whirling around it while he roughly squeezes both breasts. He molds the dough of your breasts with strong palms, nips and tugs your nipple before soothing it with fierce tongue kisses. Consistent teeth grazing hikes your sensitivity before he trades it for sucking. When he switches to the other, he pinches the maltreated peak, eliciting a whimper. You merely bind your thighs and embrace the disarray being caused on your spit-soaked nipples. The cold air your abused tits receive as he withdrawals from suckling is nullified by the hickeys he leaves. You quiver from constellations of splotchy purplish red, delicious pain tingling throughout your torso. “Not so much, I have to go back to work soon” you moan, not very convincing.  

“Even better; everyone’ll know who fucks you” Toji winks, and your heart skips. He dumps a nice vibrant bruise on your sternum, and advances to the dainty hem. He parts your thighs with ease, throwing them on his shoulder. Then he develops a haughty smirk.  

You’re monitoring his face, until he presses a pad against your aching clit, and the subsequent juices overflowing from a huge wet patch. He plays with the spiderweb of slick between his digits, “Mm. Y’still my girl.” You blush as he sucks on them and licks his lips afterwards. Hooking under the panties, he pulls them taut, projecting the swell of your pudgy vulva in tightening lace. It sinks past your outer lips and cages your clit—you want to writhe from friction, but it makes it worse. He ghosts against you and kisses the print, and you want to scream. “Tell me what you want, or I won’t do it.” 

“P-please...” you whine. You lock eyes, and you can hardly manage a word in the foreground of his intensity. How can he expect you to form coherent sentences when he sees through you like this? He gives a disappointed tut and puppeteers the strings, shifting them back and forth upon your neglected vulva. You cry out, and he cinches it together, isolating the part that pulses incessantly. He has an evil grin on his face, the bastard. “Details, baby.” 

“Toji...please t-touch me alre-eady so I can come, m’sorry I won’t tease you again!” you promise, willing to do whatever it takes to reduce your sentence. 

“And what else?” 

“Your mouth on m-my pussy...please lick it.” You’re humiliated at the request that tumbles from your bottommost desires, but he’s satisfied. He’s never been one to shy away from dirty talk. 

“Good girl.” Toji slithers your panties off, and you sigh from a loss of pressure just as his bangs tickle your pubic area. He interlocks your hands, a breath from eating you. 

“You don’t look at me, I’ll stop. Think you can do that f’me?”  

“Mhm!”  

He hums in agreement and submerses into you. Toji’s a messy eater, especially when he’s desperate. He ovals the outer lips and precisely stirs your clit, and your stomach turns in knots from simple motions. He frames it and carefully winds around his capable tongue, really focusing on the spots that make your back curve; really focusing on your entry, as he teasingly digs in.  

Toji cajoles a groan from his nose caressing your bud, then laps a level tongue over your wetness, truly tasting you. It isn’t long before his teasing farce began to crumble, and he obliged his ravenous appetite. He eats you starving, insatiable as he absorbs your twitching cunt and perfumed essence spilling down his chin. You clasp your hands, desire building in a trembling quake, but he doesn’t falter. He slurps your inner lips, and finally delivers proper care to your neglected clit. He hums a low vibration when he sucks, his pursed lips moving from a steady tongue to full on slobbering like some savage animal.  

You appreciate the support his steady hands give your shaky ones. “Toji, hahhh coming” you whine, a familiar sensation flipping in your core. He lets his words fan onto you, “You know better” he husks. Your hips are bucking frantically, and so you whine, “Please, can I come sir, please please please please!”  

“Hmm, I don’t know, you were ready to disobey me just now.” He says that, however the look in his eye is unrelated; it craves you, the want to make you squeal repeatedly until you’re on the verge of collapse. “’M can’t take it anymore, please let me come!” You urge your hips to his mouth, and meld into his warmth. 

“Come on my face, pretty girl” he groans, just as hankering as you. He laps at your clit, and you sooner fall apart underneath him. Your whimpered plea forms an innocent sob as you spasm from overstimulation. Toji just doesn’t stop. His head careens against you, tasting everything your body has to offer. You’re suddenly regretting how badly you wanted to come. 

“Toji- I-it’s too much” you protest, but it receives no response. Your release dribbles down his chin and he persists, ultimately unbinding when you lose a hold on his hands from the tremors. He diverges your lips and admires the way your mess clenches around air. 

“Heh, you’re shaking. Cute.” He rubs the back of your legs, reassuring you in spite of his previous cruelty. You make a sad attempt at wiggling away, but he grabs you firm. 

No running. Be good and hold your legs back.” He folds your legs to your shoulders, and you mewl, reluctantly wrapping your hands around them. ‘No’ isn’t a valid response at present.  

Toji’s thumbs spread your wrinkling opening, and you feel a draft on its expanse before he spits directly into your hole. You jerk, startled, and he shushes you. He slathers his thick digits in your glistening strip, and smoothly sinks one inside. “Pussy so slippery for me. Miss this...miss you” he sighs, starting to pump. He prepares you for the main course, scrapes your walls and curls his finger to hit a spot you can’t reach. The nasty squelching sounds you echo from a mere finger casts heat on your cheeks, and he seems to enjoy your responsiveness as he adds another finger to the commotion. He twines a ‘come hither’ motion that makes your back arch from every delightful swipe against your velvety walls. Then his pink muscle undulates along your swollen bud, and you dissolve to a puddle. Your hips stutter, and surge after surge of torturous pleasure strikes you with no end in sight. 

“Toji, f-fuck wait- hng s’feels too good” you whimper, and he gruffs a chuckle. He expands his fingers with precision, then chooses to slide a thumb in your butthole. The combination of both hands intruding your being, coiling into your soul jams your head with intoxicating dizziness and fictitious futures. Static pools in your stomach and circulates like the goading flickers of a raging inferno. He contacts your g-spot, and you moan, “Ah- can I, I’m close” 

“I know, I know. Let go for me,” he says, or at least that’s what it sounds like when he’s face-deep. Your eyes are screwed shut, white noise before you crash and shatter around his fingers. Fortunately, you’re deaf to your own lewd wailing, clutching for dear life through contractions. It gushes past his wrist. Tears reside in your lashes, croaked sob from the slap he gives your puffy pussy. “That’s it, baby, there we go.” 

Toji shows mercy and slips out. You’re still registering sultry bliss, untangling your limbs to lay slack. Empathy isn’t forever, though, because he forces your butt rearwards as he hops off the bed. Precum seeps from his tip, sheeting his shaft and heavy brimming sack. He propels your thighs to your chest, and your expression switches to fear for a second at the angry red tip sitting at your entrance. It's as if it grew since the blowjob, and you’re sure you’ll die if he stuffs that monster inside you.  

He slides up and down the entrance, seizing the sore bud, “Mmm, pretty thing making a mess all over my cock.”  

“Just go slow, okay?” you meek. 

“Of course, ‘m not tryna kill you.” Toji doesn’t disrupt the yearning gaze between you, giving your entry several threatening caresses. He groans from the sensation of your puffy lips snuggling his length. Then he plunges the bulbous tip, encased in your passion. He’s unhurried for the most part, besides the instants he stops himself from ramming into you, cock begging to feel the fervor. He’s plugging you to capacity, and you’re only halfway in. Soreness whirrs in your walls being outstretched beyond belief, yet you’re milking what remains, dragging the rest of him in. His breath hitches, a spiderweb of veins pulses in your tight embrace and he rocks his hips further. “Look at the way you’re gripping me. Fuck” he shudders. His tip presses on your cervix, and you feel the weight of his balls on your rear. 

Toji drives into you nice and slow. In this position you feel each vast stroke massaging your tumid core, squelching amidst your languid bodies. There’s almost a gloss film on his eyes as he indulges in the sweet addiction swamping his thoughts with unfiltered lust. “When you left it hurt real bad, y’know? I even cried.” You’re a bit stunned at his spur of honesty, but it’s short-lived as his thrusts get wilder and brutal. Your mouth hangs open, drool shameless out your mouth as he kisses your cervix without trying. You throb frenetically, chest heaving from the way his sack smacks against your ass and the creamy translucent ring forming at the base of his cock. His swinging strokes graze your g-spot and you sob, but he doesn’t check for your mitigation, encompassing your numb clit in the heat of his mean smacks.  

“Heh, dunno if you remember, but you left a pair of panties when you moved”, Toji regresses to the tip and bottoms out repeatedly, “I’ve jerked off in them so many times, imagining you backing up this juicy pussy on my dick.” You’re hysterical, flushed from head to toe and struggling to take breaths. Toji has you locked slamming into your cervix. It coaxes a mix of pleasure and pain burning through you, and your toes curl. “You love me?” he asks. It’s unfair to ask you now, scatter-brained and drooling like a stupefied slut. But you nod, and he plasters a cocky grin. “Good. ‘S long as I have that, I’m okay.”  

The unexpected flood of your orgasm quakes you, unable to warn Toji, or even ask for permission. How disappointed he’d be in you, as your juices sluice and soak, fluttering where you come undone. It’s a trail of fire, and it hurts to come. His hips sputter and he mutters a string of curses, flicking your nub faster to heighten the intensity of the earlier mess. You paw at his chest, back arched and fresh tears clustering in the haze. “Please, please!” you babble to an unresponsive Toji, stuck in a feral trance.  

Toji pulls out, palpitating at the precipice of his own climax. You take this opportunity to flip on your stomach and creep to a farther part of the bed. He’s in no rush. You can’t go far like that, a net of arousal at the apex of your thighs. He climbs onto the bed and grapples your hips, thighs capturing yours. He curves your back and slips into your gummy walls anew. You grip him like a vice notwithstanding the complaints. You hate to say it, but Toji’s length bullying its way to your cervix is a poison you’d drink habitually. He snares your hair and holds the underside of your chin. “Hah- c’mon baby, you can take a little more”, he groans at a savage pace, “be a good girl.” Your ass ripples against the brawny man, hoarse voice in your ear, scrotum pummeling the overworked bundle of nerves. Your knuckles turn white on the sheets. All you should do is let him use you, that’s all you need to do, right?   

Toji pans your head to the mirror, “Look how good you’re taking me, angel. You’re doing well.” His honeyed praises make you throb, attended by the bestial snap of his hips. “See that?”, he references your release slugging both legs, air heavy with sweat, “you’re such a f-fucking slut, what man could satisfy you besides me?” You sniffle and muster a pathetic babble, and he laughs. “You’re my perfect slut, though, fuck- ‘nd I’m not gonna make the same mistakes again.” There’s a tinge of regret swimming in the sea that is Toji’s confidence, and you feel it. It’s a subtle confession; please don’t go. 

Then he stops. Toji lets go, and you’re impulsively manhandled in front of him while he’s behind you. He lays back, and in doing so, ferries your knees to the sides of your face and hooks his hands to the rear of your head. You’re unveiled in the reflection of the mirror, a panel that bounces back the thin sheen of sweat on your bodies, your disheveled hair and makeup, wrinkled sheets, and the sticky lacings attaching you to Toji. You want to shy from the humiliating sight. “Don’t hide your face” he coos. You glimpse a portion of his face in the mirror, a glint in his eye, “I like this view more.”  

He bends his knees and pounds your chubby cunt with reckless abandon. He’s fucking your cervix, heedless grunts and panting groans as you swallow him up. Toji sputters, throbbing along your abused body and reverberating vicious staggering plap’s that could be heard on the lowest floor. You can’t breathe, let alone think, and the asphyxiation goes straight to your pussy. “O-oh fuck, heh, feel s’good. Gonna fill you up, yeah? Shit- have a mini me crawling around. Y-you'd like that, wouldn’t you, doll? Wanna carry my baby?” The headboard thuds against the wall, and in your fog, you call out for him, chanting his name like a mantra. The emotion is overwhelming, you claw at his bicep as shockwaves burst and fizzle out on your skin. “You’re dripping down my balls, sweetie, you close again?” Tougher, nastier strikes allure your orgasm, and you bleat a scream as a stream of liquid surges from you that drenches the sheets and Toji’s shaft. It’s a blinding white light, and you go limp through the violent spasms.  

“Ohhh shit, that’s it baby, take everything I give you” he rasps. Toji shoulders your dead weight with ease, going silent, then plummeting you to the hilt. His balls tighten, and he manages some slushy pumps before he comes. He spurts thick, hot globs that paint and crowd your walls with greed. You milk him dry as he bucks. It overflows to trickling down his length, and his muscles quiver as he comes down from his high. His staggering pants reduce to hitching, and he relaxes your exhausted limbs. 

Toji drives out and turns you around. You’re edging unconsciousness, sporadic jolts and innocent sobs carrying in your scratched throat. “I know. Breathe, baby.” He brings you flush with his chest, and you absorb his gentle puffs, the methodical beat of his heart. “You okay?” You’re unresponsive, gathering yourself in an incomplete collage of thoughts. You want to talk but it dissipates on your tongue. He rubs your back and kisses your forehead.  

Then it’s muted; solely the dwindling rate at which your heart races, and the tender smooches Toji dots on your face as you cuddle. When you open your eyes, the sheets are changed, and you’re cleaned. Clearly some time has passed. You sit, and Toji comes out the bathroom, running water in the background. “How ya feelin’?” 

You wince at the blunt thrum in your vulva, “Okay. How long was I out?” 

“Like half an hour. Up for a bath?” You don’t have the energy to move your body. Toji scoops you bridal style and leads you to the bathroom. You found it amusing how considerate he was after wrecking your brain. 

Toji spoons a generous quantity of Epson salt into the corner jet tub. He helps you in and joins once you’re stable. It’s a lavish proportion, but you decide to be next to him. Your head situates on your forearms over the tub rim while Toji sloshes water onto your back. The steam and serene jets below ship you to a luxury vacation on a tropical island, its quality comparable to spas with extensive dollar signs. You study each other. 

“I’ll let you get whatever you need from your place.” You knit your brows, “For what?” 

“You live with me.” You simper at his audacity.  

“So, you’re the decision maker now?” 

“For this, yes. Can’t risk you runnin’ off again.” 

“It’s your fault I left.” He pauses, brushing your cheek with his thumb. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

A piece of you becomes whole at his acknowledgement. There are no petty jabs to be had where lingering truths wade in the mist. “Never thought I’d hear an apology from you.”  

“It’s overdue. I was a dick, and I should’ve never treated you like that. Was tryna sort out my shit, but I didn’t have to take it out on ya.” 

The corner of your mouth quirks up. “Sorry...but not sorry enough to let me go?” 

 “No. You need nobody but me.” 

You chortle, and he cracks a smirk. “Arrogant asshole.”   

“I love you, too.” 

[yoon-kooks]

seven tattoos later | jjk

🐰pairing: fuckboy!jungkook x tattooartist!reader

🐰genre: fluff, smut

🐰summary: if the hottest fuck boy in town made it a point to visit your little tattoo studio every week, how many tattoos would it take to make you fall in love with him?

🐰word count: 3.3k

🐰warnings: unprotected sex, slight exhibitionism, sex on the couch, doggy, hes big and rough, lip tattoos, hickeys, lil bit of drinking, hes so annoying in this im so sorry

As you close up for the night, you look out the window and count at least four couples out for a dog walk. It’s past eight, but still warm and bright out. It’s like the sun never stops shining. Summer sucks like that.

Maybe you’d appreciate the sun a little more if you had a puppy to walk or at least a handsome guy friend to drag you outside so you aren’t just rotting away in your empty tattoo studio on a Friday night. Everyone’s apparently on vacation or getting married in Hawaii or something, so work’s been exceptionally slow this week. Fuck summer.

It’s lonely.

You might even miss Jeon Jungkook, the last person you ever expected to get along with. The first time he walked into your studio, he didn’t waste any time in hitting on you and making it painfully obvious. You were convinced he only walked in and got a tattoo that day because he thought you’d be an easy lay. 

That was around two months ago.

“What do you think would look good on me?” he’d asked while scrolling through your portfolio. You knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted you to take in his good looks, imagine the carved out physique beneath that leather jacket. That’s what guys like him do. And he was far from the first male client to ask you that. He wasn't special.

“I don’t know, maybe like a bunny or a duckling?” You just said the first things that came to mind—your two favorite animals. You didn’t give a flying fuck about what design would actually look good on someone you’d just met. Your icy heart definitely doesn’t warm up to people that quickly no matter how hot they are.

“Bunnies are cute,” he said without hesitation. You swear he was staring right at the dainty bunny tattoo on your collarbone. Then he tapped the top of his left hand, the one without all the other tattoos. “I’ll take one right here.” 

At the time, you didn’t think he was serious. (He was serious.)

“So, for touch-ups and stuff, it’d probably be good if I had your number, yeah?” he asked, leaning against the counter and admiring the final product on his hand. Him and his cocky ass smile. It’s annoying how hot he is. Unfair, too.

After inputting your number into his phone, you needed to make one thing very clear: “Send me a dick pic and I’ll tattoo all of your exes’ names on your forehead.”

“I promise no dick pics,” he chuckled. He must’ve taken your threat as a cute little joke. “But I would like to take you out sometime.”

For a moment, you just stared at his handsome face. Everything about him was bright and shiny. His pretty eyes, the art wrapped around his arm, that confident smile. The sun had nothing on him.

But the thing is, you knew better than to trust guys like him. They’re always saying shit they don’t mean. And you were tired of being let down by those empty words.

What would make Jeon Jungkook any different from the fuck boys who’ve burned you in the past?

You didn’t know enough about him to answer that question, but you also weren’t willing to get to know him.

It was for the best.

So after you politely declined the invitation, the boy nodded, waved farewell, and jogged out the door. At least he was decent enough to accept his fate and move right along. (He wasn’t.)

Just when you thought you’d gotten rid of him, he spun around. “See you next week for the touch-up, Y/N.”

He was still smiling like an idiot. You didn’t understand why.

“You’re not gonna need a touch-up in a week,” you shouted back as he dashed off. Fast little fucker. You doubt he heard you, but it didn’t really matter. With all those other tattoos, he already knew how touch-ups worked.

Besides, what were the odds of him showing his pretty face again after rejection? Every other client you turned down never came back. Not even for a touch-up.

You didn’t believe for a second Jeon Jungkook would be back.

A week later, he proved you wrong and waltzed right back in like you never rejected his ass. Of course he did. The week after that, he had three of your designs etched into his hand. And he just kept coming back for more, week after week.

Somewhere along the way, you learned he’s a wedding photographer, an artist like you. He’s shown you his photos a few times even after you specifically said you hate weddings. The photos were gorgeous, though. As much as weddings make you want to gag, the sweet moments he captured had the reverse effect. Somehow, you were envious of what those couples had.

You’ve also overcome the impossible task of learning to tolerate his dumb humor. It’s probably because his laugh and smile are so contagious. He won’t stop running his mouth until he sees you smile either, especially when you’re having a bad day. Your cheeks hurt whenever he’s with you.

Fast forward two months and he now has a total of seven of your tattoos. It feels weird not seeing him this week, not breathing in his woodsy cologne, not leaving your mark on his perfect skin. But you suppose that’s just what happens when the guy who’s been annoying the shit out of you suddenly goes to Hawaii. The withdrawal symptoms are kicking in. 

Your world is a whole lot quieter. It’s peaceful for once. And yet, you miss that chaotic idiot. 

Fuck summer. Fuck people who get married in Hawaii.

Your phone buzzes just as you finish cleaning up. Hopefully it’s someone who wants to book an appointment. (It’s not.)

When you read “jungcock,” you roll your eyes with the faintest smile—the perfect example of your clashing feelings for the boy.

jungcock🥴 [8:24PM] “Got time for me tonight?🫦”

Y/N🐰 [8:24PM] “arent you supposed to be in hawaii rn?”

Y/N🐰 [8:24PM] “and dont use that emoji ever again”

jungcock🥴 [8:25PM] “I’d never choose Hawaii over you😌”

jungcock🥴 [8:25PM] “(They called off the wedding)”

jungcock🥴 [8:25PM] “🫦”

[8:25PM] [jungcock🥴 is now blocked]

[8:31PM] [You’ve unblocked jungcock🥴]

jungcock🥴 [8:31PM] “Is that a yes?”

Y/N🐰 [8:31PM] “i hate you a lot”

jungcock🥴 [8:32PM] “Hear me out”

jungcock🥴 [8:32PM] “What if😳👉👈 I brought snacks?”

Y/N🐰 [8:34PM] “fine”

You groan and shove your phone back into your pocket. Sometimes you wonder how you let this dork finesse his way into your life. Where did you go wrong?

Jungkook arrives at your studio ten minutes later with your favorite peace offerings—soju and pancakes. Ah yes, this is how he finessed his way to the top.

“Ooh snacks,” you hum as if you didn’t believe in his ability to pick something up on the way over. “What kind of pancakes did you get?”

“Your favorite, obviously,” he nods, handing you the warm box and a fork. There’s something about the way he crosses his arms, as though he’s just waiting to catch your reaction when you open it. Why does he look so fucking proud of himself?

“I never told you my favorite pancakes.” You raise a brow. The only thing you told him was your favorite pancake place. But they have like a million different options, ranging from classic (blueberry and chocolate chip) to fancy (tiramisu and that edible gold stuff). There’s no way he can magically guess your favorite pancake.

“Just open it.” He gives you his idea of a “playful shove” on the shoulders, which would’ve knocked you over with the pancakes if he hadn’t grabbed a hold of your wrist. He was definitely that annoying kid on the playground who chased around all the girls he had a crush on.

You mumble on about him being too rough as you open the box. To your surprise, it’s strawberries and whipped cream drenched in red syrup on top of a fat stack of pancakes—aka your favorite pancakes.

You look up from the mountain of strawberries and tilt your head at the boy like a confused puppy.

“I asked the waitress with the purple hair what you normally order,” he explains.

“Okay, but she doesn’t know me by name. How’d you describe me to her?”

He takes a few steps closer until you get a whiff of that woodsy cologne you missed so much. You feel the tips of his fingers trace along your collarbone. He’s not so rough anymore. In fact, the warm caress just barely grazes your skin, as if to tease your body. You’ve always lowkey looked forward to that tiny bit of warmth while working on his tattoos. Maybe he’s always been aware.

“I called you a cutie with a bunny tattoo.” His nose scrunches when he smiles this time, giving your skin one last poke. “She knew it was you when I showed her the one on my hand.”

Of course Jeon Jungkook walked into your favorite pancake place pretending to be your boyfriend. Of course he did something as embarrassing as showing off what appears to be matching tattoos. All for the sake of bringing you your favorite pancakes on an otherwise shitty summer night.

“Now she’ll think we have matching tattoos,” you say softly, shoving his chest. “How am I supposed to show my face in there ever again?”

“Hey, I don’t have a problem with the whole matching tattoos thing.” He puts his hands up to protect his chest from your wrath in case you’re feeling feisty. “I’ll just pick it up for you again.”

You’re not feeling feisty, so you give the boy a thumbs-up and bring him over to the couch in the back corner of the studio where you usually eat or take naps.

At long last, you stab a piece of pancake and strawberry and coat it in whipped cream before shoving it into your mouth. It’s delicious. “Is it mean if I say I’m glad the Hawaii wedding was canceled?”

“Because you’d be lonely without me here?” he teases.

“No, it’s because you bought me free pancakes, you simp,” you grin, handing off the fork to the simp so he too can get a taste of heaven. He passes you the soju in return even though you’re already feeling a little giggly.

“It’s not free,” he denies. “I’m supposed to be here for another tattoo, remember?”

After a tiny sip, you set the green bottle aside and grab Jungkook’s hand with both of yours. It looks so silly with all your tattoos surrounding the cute little bunny in the middle. He’s silly for letting you do that to him.

“I don’t think there’s any more room on your hand for another one,” you giggle. “Where am I gonna tattoo you next?”

You wonder how many tattoos he has under his clothes. Maybe he’s already got them all over the place. Then, eventually, his body will run out of space and you won’t be able to tattoo him anymore. That would suck. You kinda like his company.

“What about a lip tattoo?” you chirp, tapping on his lower lip with your index finger. When he doesn’t swat you away, you tug down on his lip ring to check for a hidden tattoo there. Nothing. “I have one.”

“You do?” His eyes immediately fall on your red strawberry lips. You pull down your lower one for him to see tiny black letters that read “bad girl.”

“My ex did it. I was supposed to tattoo ‘bad boy’ on his lip, but he chickened out,” you shrug. “Isn’t that crazy?”

“Wait, I thought you can’t stand matching tattoos?” He’s such a good listener. Boyfriend material.

“I didn’t have anything against them up until that point,” you hum as you play with his wavy hair. The perm is cute on him. “But that’s basically when my perspective changed.”

That’s when you lost faith in men. When you grew to hate the idea of marriage. When you started rejecting every guy who approached you, even if he was half as hot as Jeon Jungkook.

“Well fuck your ex,” he frowns. Yeah, fuck him. No, wait. Your ex isn’t the one you want to fuck right now. “You’ve convinced me. The next tattoo I’m getting is a lip tattoo.”

“Got any design ideas for what you want there?” You climb into his lap, cup his chin with one hand, and play with his lip piercings some more. You’ve never been this up close and personal with Jungkook, but you like it. You can already feel his cock hardening beneath you through your leggings.

“Your lips,” he says without hesitation. Cheesy, but you’ll take any excuse right now to close the gap between you and him.

Just like that, something clicks in your body, and your lips just find their way to his. You’re not sure how much of it is alcohol and how much is your actual feelings for the boy, but it doesn’t really matter. Not when the kiss tastes like strawberry pancakes. It’s perfect.

You throw your arms over his shoulders as he kisses back. He’s already got his hands slipped up the back of your little tank top. 

Your hips start to roll against him.

“Should we close the blinds?” he asks against your lips. “Unless you like an audience.”

You glance at the window. The sun is finally going down, but of course people are still walking their dogs. Maybe they didn’t get the memo that it’s officially fucking hours, not dog walking hours.

Normally, you’d be all for closing the blinds and turning out the lights, but your ass is nice and comfy in his lap and you’d rather not change that. Plus the back of the couch should hide 90% of what’s going on.

You shed your tank top off and toss it onto the coffee table next to the unfinished pancakes. His big eyes flick to your lacy black bralette. 

“Let them watch.” You press your lips into his neck and suck away like a vampire. The hickeys you’re about to leave him with will have to make do as temporary tattoos for now. You’re not gonna have time to tattoo him tonight.

“You sure you want people to see you so desperate and needy like this?” he asks as you wiggle out of your leggings. His hands immediately find your ass and give it a good squeeze.

“I’m not needy,” you whine, your naughty hand feeling how large his cock is through his joggers.

“I think you’re pretty needy, Y/N.” Two fingers slip past your thong and spread the wet lust between your legs. He has the biggest smirk on his face as your body squirms to his touch. You do everything in your power to hold back a gasp. “Do you want me to fuck you that badly?”

Yes, but you’re not going to admit it. Ever.

“No way,” you answer with confidence. He helps you out of his lap and you let him prop you up on your hands and knees so he can get a good look at your ass. “This is just my way of thanking you for the pancakes since we both know you aren’t getting that lip tattoo tonight.”

“The lip tattoo can wait.” You feel your thong drop to the couch where it belongs. Two very strong hands hold you at the waist. “You’re my number one priority tonight.”

As he fills you with his cock, you’re already melting to the heat between your legs. Your weak little arms lose all their strength. You reach for your fluffy white cloud pillow to muffle your moans and let him do all the work from behind.

The tight hold he has on you is a mix of possessiveness and all the sexual tension built up over the past two months. You wonder how many times he thought about bending you over and fucking you silly in the midst of getting a cute little frog tattoo. You’ve seen the way his lustful eyes look at you during his appointments. You’re not that oblivious.

“Nice ass tattoo, by the way.” He pinches the bit of skin with two pink butterflies. You’d always regretted that one because not everyone shares the same appreciation for it, but that tiny love pinch made it all worth it. “You and your cute little tattoos.”

He slides in and out, pounding your deepest spot, and drawing a pathetic whimper from your throat every few seconds. Doesn’t help that he has a finger or two rubbing away at your swollen little clit. That’s when you realize you’ve been missing out on amazing sex for far too long. Seven whole tattoos. That’s how long it took before you gave in.

He’s already rougher now than the playful shove that nearly knocked you over earlier. Good.

This is exactly what you need after such a boring work week.

“What would you be doing now if I were taking wedding pictures in Hawaii?” His voice is getting breathier. He’s working hard out there.

“Gagging at all the romantic shit you’d be sending me.” Even if he weren’t physically there with you, you know he’d still find a way to be annoying. He’d let you know he’s still thinking of you.

“Don’t worry, I won’t make you gag tonight.” You don’t have to turn around to know he’s got that dumb smirk on his face. “Maybe another time. If you’re into that.”

Your response is a soft moan into the pillow. The thought of his cock shoved down your throat isn’t as repulsive as you would’ve thought two months ago. Giving head isn’t usually your thing, but you’re open to trying it with him. You’re glad he can’t see you lick your lips.

He doesn’t slow down either, instead picking up the pace and going harder. Your fingers dig into the pillow, your whole body dripping in pleasure. It feels too good.

“Mm, Jungkook,” you pant like a poor puppy with your ass up in the air. Your little clit can’t take much more of his fingers. You’re so close.

“Thought you couldn’t stand me,” he teases as you tighten around him. He’s so annoying! During sex, too. “And now you’re about to cum for me?”

“Fuck you,” you gasp as the wave of pleasure passes through you. His fingers and cock help you ride out the high. He’s lucky he’s a sweet guy with a strong sex game. Otherwise you wouldn’t have fallen for his annoying ass.

As soon as he pulls out, he flips you onto your back, staring down at you with his cock in hand. A few extra pumps along his length is all he needs to get his release and drizzle your belly with his creamy glaze.

He climbs over you to give you a soft peck on the lips. You’ve been with a lot of fuck boys before, but you can’t remember any of them kissing you once the sex was done and over with.

This boy is different.

He lets you lie there, basking in the afterglow as he searches the studio for a clean towel. When he finally gets ahold of one, he offers a hand to help you sit up and gets you cleaned up.

“All jokes aside, I’m happy you were here tonight,” you say in a tiny voice. “Fuck Hawaii weddings.”

He chuckles in his usual adorkable way. “You should come to a wedding with me sometime—when I’m not working, of course. Maybe you won’t hate them as much as you think.”

You lean in for another kiss. There’s still a hint of pancake on his tongue, but it's even sweeter. “Sure.”

The corners of his lips curve upward in satisfaction. The annoying little shit is about to jump out. You can feel it. (The annoying little shit does not jump out.)

“Now finish your pancakes,” he smiles. For once, it’s not him looking all smug and shit. And it’s really endearing.

Somehow, he just keeps proving you wrong. In a good way.

You look at your favorite pancakes on the table and wave them off. “Nah, I’m good.” Once more, you scoot your ass onto him and press a finger to his lip. “I think I like the taste of you better.”

[pickingupmymercedes]

She's here and she's not only ours - Lewis Hamilton

Series: She's here and she's ours / She's here and she's not only ours / She's here and she's just like you / She's not here, but she'll be / She's here and she won't be the only one / She's here and he won't let her give up / She's here and so is he

pairing: Dad!Lewis Hamilton x Reader!

wordcount: +1k

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

______________________________________________________________

Navigating the journey from being a couple to becoming a family is often likened to entering a whole new world—one filled with unpredictable challenges and profound joys. The radiant 7-month-old girl had effortlessly woven herself into the fabric of your lives, captivating not only you and Lewis but everyone who crossed her path. Yet, adjusting to new routines, shifting priorities, managing emotional and physical changes, and, most crucially, cultivating a deep bond with your child were aspects of parenthood that no book, class, or well-meaning advice had adequately prepared you for.

And so, the real test of parenthood often lay in learning to prioritize.

“Oh my God, she’s growing up so quickly!” Susie exclaimed, her eyes lighting up as she entered the living area of your apartment, making a beeline for the giggling toddler seated in her bumbo seat on the kitchen island.

“Please, don’t remind me. Time is flying by too fast already,” you replied, your smile widening as you watched your baby recognize Susie and reach out to be scooped up.

“I’m sorry for dropping by unannounced… I just... I had to know why,” Susie said, her expression curious and concerned.

You had expected people to comment and be surprised, but you hadn’t anticipated the attention coming so soon, even before you and Lewis had a chance to share your news.

“So, I take it everyone at Mercedes already knows?”

“More like everyone on the paddock, probably,” Susie confirmed.

“Do you remember her first few days? When she struggled to gain weight and every day felt like a battle?”

The first inkling that something was amiss came mere hours after you had returned home with your newborn daughter. Her incessant cries and insatiable hunger, even after an hour of breastfeeding, had raised red flags.

You had been warned that the initial days would be challenging—that you were now solely responsible for nourishing a tiny human. So, you soldiered on, suppressing your growing panic and tears, dreading the 40-minute feeding intervals where you’d bite your tongue and cheeks to keep from crying.

You tried every trick in the book—increasing your water intake, warm and cold compresses, dietary changes, pumping between feeds, consulting lactation specialists, and even consuming magic lactation cookies. Yet, your milk supply remained stubbornly low.

The sense of failure weighed heavily on you; your primary role was to nurture your baby, something you had done successfully during pregnancy. Instead of relishing the joys of new motherhood, you felt like a failure, a lesser mother to your daughter and a villain to your husband's fairytale of having kids.

Lewis was acutely aware of your distress and tried to be supportive. Despite knowing, as doctors and specialists had advised, that you needed to supplement with formula for both your daughter’s and your own well-being, he refrained from pressuring you. Every night he would feel as though you were punching him in the face when you went out of his sight to cry, or how his chest would tighten when he carried your screaming daughter in his arms, knowing she needed more, from him and from you. Still, he didn’t have in him to lecture you, yet again, on how that little girl needed more, not when you were giving your life and sanity away for her.

It wasn’t until the day before her second week checkup that you broke down. You knew the scale wasn’t going to give her much more grams than she had the past week, way less than she deserved and the added burden that he would be going for his first race of the season in a couple days had you reaching your breaking point.

Seeing Lewis on the sofa, looking worried and worn-out, you collapsed in front of him, letting your tears flow freely. He held you, comforting you with gentle whispers, and you both agreed that transitioning to formula was for the best. Despite the months of hearing about the benefits of breastfeeding, you had come to understand that sometimes the most challenging part of parenthood was knowing when to stand your ground and make the best choice for your family.

“We don’t want his job to feel like a burden every weekend,” you said.

“So, the Hamiltons will be a staple in the paddocks?” Susie asked, her approving smile revealing her pride.

“Life doesn’t always go as planned, does it?” You shrugged

“The media is going to love that smile,” Susie cooed, her attention directed at the toothy grin of your daughter.

“Yeah… She won’t be only ours, but Lewis needs her as much as she needs him. I guess it’s a small price to pay,” you replied, smiling at your yawning daughter in Susie’s lap, her little hands rubbing her eyes—a clear sign that her naptime was due.

“Please, let me. She still loves Disney songs, right?” Susie absentmindedly asked, already heading towards your daughter’s room, laying the toddler on her cheast and ready to lull her to sleep with a familiar melody. As you watched, you couldn’t help but marvel at how your daughter had already captured so many hearts at such a young age.

______________________________________________________________

TAGLIST - @saturnssunflower @xoscar03 @chocolatediplomatdreamerzonk

If you'd like to be added to my taglist you can leave a comment or send me a dm/ask.

[norizz-nation]

Ride it 🧡

Summary: Lando started to tone his abs a little bit more, which made you practically drool. So he kinda puts you in your place

Warnings: nsfw, daddy kink, blowjob, face fucking, spanking, pillow humping, spit kink, face slapping, light bdsm, choking, dacryphilia, 18+, age gap (reader is 19)

Lando and you were always the kind of couple who would fuck 7 times a week. There was no doubt to it. But nowadays it was more of a difficult game cuz Lando have been working out a lot, which made his abs even more toned. And u were loving it.

It was currently a lazy evening and u were on ur phone just scrolling. And lando was away from you, doing his work. He texted u saying that he will be back home in an hour but u didn’t check the message becuase u were too busy laying on ur bed with lights dim. Closing ur eyes and thinking abt lando. His hands all over ur body, his lips between ur thighs, his fingers spreading ur lips apart. Every single thought made u squirm more and more. With no other thought u started to touch urself. You pushed ur satin shorts down and dropped them to the floor and began to rub ur pussy in a slow pace. U closed ur eyes and imagined ur fingers as landos as u started to circle ur clit in a bit fast pace.

After circling ur pussy for a while u looked to ur side and grabbed lando’s pillow and sat on it. U could already feel ur heartbeat inside ur mouth. You threw ur head back as u kept on humping. The thought of landos thighs being the pillow made u wanna cum uncontrollably. You started to hump as fast as u can and grabbed the headboard for support. You were so close to cum. Your whole body starting to sweat. You were so caught up thtu didn’t even notice lando opening ur shared bedroom’s door. You kept on humping as u started to feel a knot inside ur stomach. You started to hump even more faster as u came on his pillow leaving white cum stains on the white pillow case.

You were abt to get down from ur high but u heard ur boyfriend from behind say “tht was good welcoming show, wasn’t it?” As he leaned on the doorframe looking at u with a smirk on his face. Although u guys were really comfortable with everything, still u were really embarrassed as ur face turned red. “Baby, how come u’re home early?” You rlly dont know why u asked him tht question.

“Just missed being with you” he said as he walked over u, standing on the edge of the bed. “But didn’t expect to get a show in front of me, didn’t i tell u to not touch urself when im away?” U were to dumbfounded to say anything so u just nodded. He came closer to u squeezing ur face to look at him. “What is it? Dont just nod ur head. Say words. Use tht pretty mouth baby” the way he was looking at u, u could tell tht tonight was gonna be long. U gulped before saying “yes daddy, u told me not to touch myself whn u’re away.” “And wht did u do?” His grip was getting tighter. U were just silent and he placed a tight slap on ur cheek which burned ur skin. “Wht tf takes u so long to answer huh? Are u trying to test my patience? Answer me. Wht did u do?”

U could feel tears forming and u said “i touched myself evn tho u told me not to” u couldn’t evn look at him. He thn cupped ur face and made u look at him and said “and u even humped on my pillow, ure not evn wearing any bra.” As he grabbed ur left tit and pinched ur nipple hard tht made u squeal. “Tell me wht were u thinking abt?”

U could feel ur whole body burn “i was imagining riding u.” Hearing tht he raised an eyebrow and smirked. “What else?” U barely managed to say “ur abs makes me wanna ride u for hours” he thn smirked again. “Well thn ride me.” Ur eyes widened. Not sure wht to say. Lando removed his t-shirt and jogger and layed comfortably with just his boxers. Tht sight made u wet instantly. The view in front of u was everything u wanted. “Remove tht top baby” u did as he said and dropped it on the floor.

U started to palm his dick but he grabbed ur wrist and said “use ur pretty mouth baby. without ur hands.” His words made ur jaw drop. He then spread ur mouth more with his fingers.

U were trying ur best to suck him without ur hands. But it was quite hard. And ur mouth was getting dry and u sorta chocked. Thn he grabbed ur face and said “open it more” and spitted inside ur mouth and now it was kinda easy for u. U started to bop ur head more faster as he grabbed ur hair and started face fucking u which made ur eyes teary. U were tugging ur nails on his thighs bec it was too much for u.

“Just breathe trough ur nose, ik u can take it baby. Be a good girl, okay?” He thn continued face fucking u. Just whn u felt his dick twitching he pulled u away from his dick. “Come on baby ride me. Fulfill ur fantasy.”

U slowly place urself on top of him and started touching his toned abs. Running ur fingers over thm. Practically drooling. U started slowly moving up and down his dick feeling so full. Tears rolling down ur cheeks. His one hand was choking u and the other one was on ur waist guiding u. “Thts it baby, dont stop okay?” U could just nod. “I feel so full daddy. Im g-gonna c-cum” he then spanked ur ass and said “oh yeah? Already? But we just started”

U we’re literally crying atp. “Please daddy let me cum, i cant hold it any longer.” He started guiding ur ass as he said “cum baby, cum all over my cock” u were literally seeing stars in front of u as u came all over his dick. “Who do u belong to huh?” He asked grabbing ur face placing a light slap. “You daddy, ofc u.”

“Thts a good girl, now get on ur knees.” U got on ur knees as he face fucked u. “Oh baby im gonna cum.” U were looking up at him with heart eyes as he came inside ur mouth and u swallowed all of them. “Such a good girl.” He said as he brushed his thumb on ur lips, as u smiled.

“I love u baby”

“I love u too daddy”

A/N: requests are open! feel free to ask what you want me to write! luv you ❤️

[piratefishmama]

Fake it till you make it | Part 11

“Be careful, Eddie” were Wayne’s words as he hugged his nephew goodbye, knowing he wouldn’t see him for a whole week and honestly still being a little worried about it “if you think even for one minute that something’s off, just… just get out of there, alright?”

“I know, I know, I’ll bolt through the woods and hitchhike my way home, I know the way, Wayne, I got this.” He could read a compass, he’d be able to get a map from any gas station and head home, he was resourceful, an adult, he could handle himself.

“Damn right you got this, son. But… be careful in other ways too, alright? Steve’s a charmin boy, but… remember this ain’t real.” Eddie had bitten his bottom lip at that one, brows furrowed in thought, those big brown eyes of his swirling in emotion, he never did hide his feelings well, it’d always be a little real for him. “Protect this” Wayne poked his chest with a gentle prod, right over Eddie’s heart “okay?”

“Mhm, I will…” he’d try to anyway. Steve really was… charming. An his kisses? God his kisses… but also... it really was the closest he’d ever been to what romance ought to be, what a relationship ought to be, he never thought he’d have that.

The world didn’t appear to be moving fast enough for him to truly experience romance as most people did.

He had to remember that he didn’t have that.

“Eddie! C’mon you’re in the back with me!” Steve called from the garage door, behind which the car was rumbling, their bags packed into the back, Steve’s parents already inside, ready to go. The longest Eddie had ever been away from Wayne since arriving in Hawkins, was three days during a weekend trip to Indy with the band to play at a slightly bigger venue than the Hideout as a one off.

A favour for his favourite gay bar when a live act they’d scheduled pulled out last minute. It hadn’t gotten them a lot of exposure, but it’d been a fun and enlightening night for the band.

“Best get on, son, I’ll see you in a week. Call when you can alright? Don’t care if you wake me up or about no damn time zones, just call, I’ll answer, an if I don’t, you know the plant’s number.” Tight lipped, strained smile, Eddie nodded quickly then turned on his heel and graced Steve with a brilliant smile, game on.

“I don’t wish to alarm anyone, but... did we miss a turning?” Eddie may have been unusually quiet for the first leg of their journey, nerves having hit him like a truck the second they pulled out of Loch Nora, but he was paying attention to his surroundings.

And those surroundings, were all too quickly, Fort Wayne International Airport.

“You don’t honestly expect rich people to drive the whole way to Canada do you?” Steve’s voice was amused and came from so very close to his ear that he actually jumped, quickly turning in his seat, back plastered against his side of the back seat, eyes wide as he took in and processed what Steve said. “Plus, what would you rather do, spend nearly two days in a car with my parents—”

“We’d make wonderful road trip companions, don’t be rude Steven” came his mother’s interruption

Steve ignored it in favour of continuing his point “—orr… around ten hours in one of those with a brief stop off in Chicago.” Steve leaned inward, uncaring of personal space as he pointed to a plane, ascending into the heavens from the runway.

“I don’t—” he didn’t know. He’d never been on a plane before. Trips like that, across country, they were the stuff of road trip legend, but Steve had a point…

Two whole days of a trip stuck in a car. Or just ten hours. Eddie’s eyes skipped to the window again, to the plane now disappearing beyond the overcast cloud cover.

“It’ll be okay, Eds, I’ll sit right next to you the whole time, you’ll be okay.”

“What if we crash? What if it falls out of the sky? What’ll you do?”

“My best to keep you safe.” It was so earnest, coupled with Steve gently taking his hands and giving them a squeeze, eyes so full of raw honesty, of understanding, it hit Eddie directly in all his soft gooey bits. “I’ll hold your hand through the whole ten hours if you want.”

“Even during the stop in Chicago?”

“Hah, yeah baby, even during the stop in Chicago.”

“They’re a lot more openminded in Chicago too!” Lynda spoke up without turning her head, allowing Eddie to not get stuck on baby for too long “might get a few looks from people passing through the airport but nobody will say anything, and if they do, they deal with us.”

“If we had enough time during the stop we’d have taken a trip around the city, let you boys see some of the sights we’ve seen, but alas, our connection gives us an hour at most depending on everything being on time, and that’s just enough time to get us from one gate to the next.” John added as he pulled into the long stay parking lot. “Maybe some other time, some other family trip, eh Eddie?”

Eddie’s wide eyes turned to the front of the car, then back to Steve again, lips parted ever so slightly in surprise. Not surprise over the words used, but the feeling those words caused. Family trip. They were including him on future family trips.

Steve’s eyes quickly snapped from him to the front of the car and back again, then a warm smile blossomed on his lips. He lifted his hand and ever so carefully brushed a stray curl back behind Eddie’s ear, and asked so softly as his thumb lowered to brush along his jawline. “Right, Eddie?”

“Y-yeah… yeah I’d… I’d love that.” He turned his head fully toward the drivers seat, he’d never been too good at hiding his emotions, so maybe he was just a little choked up when he accepted the offer “I’d really love that.”

“Great!” The car came to a stop in one of the many parking bays, ignition off, driver side door opened “It’s settled then.” Settled. Eddie would privately mourn the knowledge that it’d never come to fruition, but… on the surface he could pretend he was excited for a future trip for the sake of the ruse. “Now boys if you could get the bigger bags out the trunk that’d be a big help! This back of mine isn’t as sturdy as it used to be.”

“You’re forty-six and go jogging almost every morning, don’t be stupid John.” Lynda whapped her husband with her handbag in gentle, semi-amused admonishment before getting out of the car.

Followed by her husband who, in a hushed tone replied with “don’t tell them that, Lynda, save us the work.” Leaving the two boys to breathe soft laughs between themselves before they too joined the older couple out in the parking lot.

“Steve...” Eddie hissed as they neared check-in.

“What?”

“I have weed” said through his teeth.

“What?” Steve paused.

“I have weed… I have weed in my suitcase.”

“You have what?!” Steve rounded on him, sentence ended with a pointed hiss

“I didn’t know we’d be flying to Canada, Steve, maybe you should tell people when you’re planning on launching them into the troposphere in a death tube!”

“Why would you bring weed on a holiday with my parents, Eddie?!”

“SHHHH, be quiet. I thought I might need it to chill out if I was freaking out at some point during the week like right now, I could really do with it right now.”

“Oh my god.”

“Steven? Is something wrong?” Lynda’s voice had them both snapping to attention, eyes wide, caught in the act. Luckily she had no idea what that ‘act’ was.

“Nope! No, uh, Eddie’s just gotta… use the bathroom real quick.”

“Well, there’s bathrooms in the business class lounge he can—"

“No! It’s uhm, it’s urgent, can’t wait, he’s uh…”

“Nerves, it’s uh, it’s nerves, I think imma hurl” she looked between them with a small frown on her face, assessing them both, it seemed like whatever she found wasn’t worth arguing about though, because she waved them off with a quick flick of her wrist.

“Alright fine, hurry up. Steven you know where the closest ones are go on now quickly before we’re late for check in, we’ll double check everything here.” John was already pausing to check through all their documents like a regular airport dad, it was the third time he’d done it since entering the airport.

“Alright let’s go, Eds, lets deal with your little problem.” At least he was soft-handed when he manhandled Eddie to the nearest bathroom, patchy suitcase with a squeaky wheel wobbling away behind them. Once inside, he checked each stall individually, before quickly turning on a wide eyed Eddie. “Where is it?” Eddie pointed down at the suitcase, and Steve snapped to action, lifting, and placing Eddie’s suitcase down on the slightly damp row of sinks. “Did you pack any liquid soaps?”

“Uhhh…” Eddie was too busy staring at the flex of Steve’s arms as he just. Lifted that whole very packed suitcase in one hoist. Fuck.

“Any shampoo? Conditioner?”

“I—I feel like my answer is going to make you mad so I’m just not going to answer.” Which on its own, was a pretty damning answer, and Steve’s expression told him as such “I don’t have a twelve step hair care routine like you do, Steve! I just… I have drug store shampoo and conditioner and that’s really only when it’s on a two for one sale! Usually I just—"

“If you say you water it down to make it last longer I’m going to throw the first thing I find in this suitcase at you.”

“Shutting up. I just thought I’d buy it there if I needed it, or just borrow yours, I know you brought some, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, I figured that… if I borrowed yours it’d make it seem like I just… wanted… to smell like you?”

“You just made that up.” Eddie just smiled, all teeth and dimples, scrunching his shoulders inwards in an unfairly cute display of mischief. “You’re a menace, Munson. Get your stuff out of there for me. Don’t ever put weed in checked luggage.”

“But—”

“TSA does random checks on checked luggage all the time, an while they’re not usually looking for weed, it’ll get launched and you might get fined. Whereas you can hide weed in just about anything in a carry on, just shows up as vague blurred shit on the x-ray scanners. Just be cool when you shove it through.” Steve was rummaging in the front of his own bag now, “be cool, and act natural.”

“You sound like you’ve done this before.”

“Mn once or twice, Tommy was a dick, but his cousin worked for the TSA for a few years, gave us all kinds’a neat tricks to get things through the airport.” Tommy’s cousin had gotten fired and a year inside for attempting to smuggle narcotics out of the confiscated items lock up, but that was neither here nor there. “Gimmie what you have.” Hand outstretched, Steve waited until Eddie placed the single baggie containing three roll ups and a few loose buds “Christ Eddie.”

“I knew I’d be nervous! Stop being mean to me!” Steve rolled his eyes before taking the three roll ups out of the baggie

“Your smokes, give em.” Plenty of room in the pack to slot the three roll ups, and as for the buds, Steve emptied out his travel sized bottle of hand lotion into the sink and stuffed the whole plastic bag into the little bottle, then screwed the lid on tight. Nobody would look twice at a rich kids hand lotion. “Now wet the ends of your hair.”

“What?”

“Your hair butthead! Wet it, we told my mother you’d be in here hurling your guts up, so… you got some in your hair, it’s a good extra to add to the ruse, now do it.”

“So my own boyfriend wouldn’t even hold my hair back if I threw up? Where’s the romance, where’s the commitment, where’s the care and—”

“Dude you have a lot of hair, I doubt I could get it all in my hand at once.” Although now that thought was in his head… could he? Could he get a good fistful and hold it there? Not important. “I’d drop bits.” A flimsy argument, he wouldn’t drop anything.

“Uh-huh, sure you would, big boy.” Eddie quickly dampened the tips of his hair, and ran a wet hand through his bangs quickly in a bid to fake flop sweat, theatrics over and done with. “Zipper-up, let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

Part 13

[isaacarellanesismyhusband]

well, i suppose we’ll just have to share them

pair: Fred Weasley x reader

requested by anonymous

Hear me out… Fred is definitely the type to want his partner to get along with George’s partner. Like no question. So it’d be absolutely hilarious if this backfires on the twins cause now their respective partners hang out with each other more than their respective bf.

masterlist | navigation

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Fred Weasley had a grand idea. An idea so genius, so foolproof, that he was convinced it would cement his position as the greatest boyfriend in history. He was determined to make sure you got along with George's girlfriend, Katie. After all, if the two of you became fast friends, it would be perfect. You could all double-date, plan pranks together, and even plot against the twins when necessary.

So, naturally, Fred wasted no time setting up a “casual” meeting at the Burrow. “Just a little get-together,” he had said. George was in on it too, giving him that signature Weasley grin as he nodded along. They had visions of you two chatting away, maybe even plotting to prank Ron or Percy.

And, to Fred’s credit, you and Katie did hit it off.

But maybe you hit it off a little too well.

It started off innocently enough, with the four of you gathered in the cozy kitchen, Mrs. Weasley bustling around as she prepared tea and biscuits. The twins tried to steer the conversation, but soon, you and Katie discovered a shared love for Quidditch. The next thing Fred knew, you and Katie were deep in conversation about the upcoming Holyhead Harpies match, completely oblivious to the boys.

Fred shared a glance with George, a look that said, "This is going well."

A couple of days later, Fred suggested a date night. “How about dinner at The Three Broomsticks? Just us,” he said, leaning in to kiss your cheek.

You looked up from the letter you were reading. “Oh, Katie and I actually made plans to go shopping in Diagon Alley. She found this little shop with the most amazing Quidditch gear.”

Fred blinked, caught off guard. “Oh… right, okay. We can do it another time.”

You smiled, oblivious to his disappointment, and returned to your letter.

It didn’t stop there. Before Fred knew it, you and Katie were practically inseparable. The two of you had lunch dates, shopped together, and even had sleepovers at the Burrow, gossiping late into the night. The twins would stand awkwardly at the door, trying to join in, but you and Katie were lost in your own world.

Fred’s “perfect plan” was starting to backfire spectacularly. He couldn’t believe it. He wanted you to be friends with Katie, not replace him with her!

One evening, Fred decided to confront you about it. “Love,” he began, plopping down beside you on the couch, “don’t you think we’ve been spending a little too much time apart?”

You looked at him, puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re always with Katie these days,” Fred said, trying to sound casual. “Not that I mind, but I thought maybe you’d want to spend more time with your boyfriend?”

You laughed, ruffling his hair. “Oh, Freddie, don’t be silly. Of course, I want to spend time with you. But Katie’s great! And besides, you and George always have your twin time. It’s nice to have some girl time, you know?”

Fred huffed but didn’t argue. You had a point. But he couldn’t help feeling a little left out.

The final straw came a week later. Fred had spent all day planning a surprise picnic in the garden, complete with all your favorite foods. He was ready to have a lovely, romantic evening with you. But when he found you, you were already making plans with Katie—something about a weekend trip to Hogsmeade.

Fred was about to protest when George sidled up to him, clearly overhearing your conversation. “Blimey, Fred, I think we’ve created monsters.”

Fred groaned. “This isn’t what I wanted, George. Now they’re together more than they’re with us.”

George chuckled, clapping his twin on the back. “We wanted them to be friends. We just didn’t expect them to be best friends.”

They both watched as you and Katie laughed, completely engrossed in whatever it was you were planning. The twins exchanged a resigned look.

“Well, I suppose we’ll just have to share them,” Fred said, half-jokingly.

George shrugged. “Could be worse. At least we know they’ll never team up against us… right?”

Fred wasn’t so sure about that.

[hellodarling1357]

Modern!Cassian x Reader HCs - part 1/∞

This got a little out of hand but I just love the thought of Modern!Cassian so expect plenty more posts like this to come, and (as always) feel free to send in some requests!

It's for sure on the (much) longer side for a drabble but we've got Modern Cassian and reader becoming "official", skincare routines, date nights, couples who gym together (etc, etc), and a small little snippet of Cassian meeting reader's family

Enjoy 🥰

Word Count: 1.6k

You and Cassian had been seeing each other for a few weeks but it was nothing too serious, despite feeling as though you were falling hard and fast for him

One night when he’s cooking you dinner and his phone buzzes he asks if you can check it for him, which you do but you’re still shocked because none of your exes had been so open with their messages, especially this early into the relationship, or whatever it was between the two of you

You read out the message Rhys had sent Cassian, but what really had you well and truly shocked was his background image

It was a photo of you from one of the first times you had stayed the night with him

You had woken up to Cassian trailing kisses down your bare arms and across your stomach, but because it was your first day off in weeks you hit him over the head with his pillow and jokingly yelled at him for disrupting your sleep-in

You had foolishly tried to get back to sleep after that but the next thing you knew, Cassian was straddling you, strong thighs trapping your arms against your sides

He looked down at you with a wide, cheeky grin and then, to your dismay, started tickling you which had you fighting for your life as you heaved in air through your ongoing laughter

After he finally let up, you squeezed your eyes shut, a wide smile still spread across your face as you breathed in heavily and tried to catch your breath

You felt Cassian move above you, leaning over to grab something from the bedside table

When you opened your eyes, the first thing you saw was Cassian staring down at you with a look of complete adoration

You quirked your eyebrow but smiled up at him just as he raised his phone and snapped a photo of you

You objected and tried your best to hide from the camera, aware of your messy hair from last nights activities and your still naked body

But Cassian swiped your arms away as he kept taking photos, causing you to wrap your legs around him and, somehow, managing to flip the two of you over so that you were now straddling him, to Cassian’s absolute delight

But now, staring at the photo of yourself, sun gleaming across your still sleepy face but with a wide enough grin to show you didn’t really mind, you found a defensive wall coming up as you turned to Cassian, holding the phone to face him

Memories of one particularly bad relationship came to the surface, where you were constantly made to feel as though you had to chase after his approval and love, which he would smother you with, but then take it away the second something didn’t go his way

That relationship had also moved incredibly quickly and now you worried about repeating the same mistakes with Cassian

“What’s this?”

“Hmm?” Was his absentminded response as he juggled the different pots and pans that were sizzling away on the stove

“Cassian.”

Your blunt tone had him turning to you, eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he tried to work out what had made you upset

“What’s this? Why do you have this as your background?”

Again you waved his phone at him

He studied you and his phone for a moment before lifting his eyes back to you as he put down the wooden spoon he had been using and lent against the bench, facing where you stood on the other side

“Because I like the photo?”

“Okay? But why?”

“What do you mean why? I didn’t realise I needed a reason or excuse to look at my girlfriend’s face whenever I pick up my phone.”

“But…”

Wait, what?

Your words left you as you processed what he had said

Still feeling somewhat wary, you asked

“Girlfriend?”

“Well yeah,” Cassian started to blush (the open vulnerability doing something to your insides) “I mean, well... yeah?”

You walked over to him, all doubts leaving as you reminded yourself of the man who stood in front of you. He was not your ex. He was nothing like your ex

“I hadn’t realised we’d made it official.” You said in a coy voice as you looped your arms around his neck

“Well, I’m not seeing anyone else, so if you’re down…?”

“How romantic” you teased with a laugh before leaning up on your toes to kiss him

You definitely got Cassian onto the skincare bandwagon

He was at your apartment one night watching a sports game that you had zero interest in so you got bored and went through your bathroom cupboards

Hiding a hair mask behind your back, you walked into the lounge room and straddled Cassian’s lap

He automatically wrapped his arms around you but still craned to see the TV screen

You pressed a kiss to his exposed neck and murmured “close your eyes”

“Hmm?” He still wasn’t paying attention

This time you trailed your lips up to his ear, tugging on it slightly with your teeth as you said again, “close your eyes”

That got his attention, but also coincided with an ad break which you chose to ignore

Cassian leant back on the couch, a smug and expectant smirk on his face as he waited for whatever you had planned

What he didn’t expect, however, was the glob of a hair mask you splattered onto the top of his hand, running your hands through it to coat the long strands

“What?” Cassian spluttered, raising a hand to touch whatever you had put on him

You swatted him away, “Stop. You’ll get it everywhere.”

You went back to rubbing the treatment through his hair and he eventually relaxed into the feel of your fingers across his scalp, eyes drifting back to the TV screen as the game started up again

Once you were done, you leant back to inspect your work

“Right, leave that on for twenty minutes. Don’t touch it.” You warned before climbing out of his lap without another word, this time heading to the bathroom to find a face mask

You didn’t bother to hide the small container as you climbed onto his lap again

“This stuff smells like you,” He said absentmindedly, playing with a strand of his hair. “It’s nice.”

“I told you not to touch it” you chastised with a small smile, letting him relax back into the couch and pressing a kiss to his lips

“You trust me?” You asked against his mouth

“Yes?”

“You don’t sound so sure”

He lent forward and kissed you again

“Yes. Do your worst” he indicated to the face mask, unable to hide his hesitant expression

So you happily leant back and started applying the mask all over his face

“Y/N, I don’t like this”

“Shhhh, 15 minutes then you need to wash it off”

“But the game—“

“I’ll help you”

Your suggestive smirk as you ground your hips against him had his pants tightening

But you just jumped back up, saying over your shoulder “15 minutes. Bathroom”

After that night, whenever you were both getting ready for bed and you were washing your face, Cassian would jokingly ask, “Are you gonna put more of that stuff on my face?” to which you would nudge him with your shoulder and continue your routine of serums and moisturisers, ignoring, what you thought, was him teasing you

However, a week later he still hadn’t let it go so you asked “What? Do you want some of it?”

He was silent for a moment but then “Yeah? I don’t know, maybe?”

You tilted your head at him in the mirror, your raised eyebrow prompted him to sheepishly continue

“Well, my face felt really nice after it. And your face is always glowing and soft so…”

You broke into a grin, so excited at the thought of sharing your nightly routine with him

“Why didn’t you just say so from the start!”

A few weeks later you were out for dinner with Cassian and your friends when Rhys, after studying Cassian for a moment said “Somethings different about you. I mean, you look different? Like all glowy.”

This caused everyone’s eyes to roam over Cassian’s face who nervously shifted in his seat

“Just been getting out in the sun a bit more…” He trailed off, shooting you a look that told you to keep quiet as he quickly changed the subject

However, six months later, Cassian gifted Rhys and Az a starter kit of the skin care you had got him onto for their Christmas presents

Cassian is definitely the type of boyfriend who pretends to act all pervy towards you at the gym by making flirty comments purely to embarrass you in front of the other gym-goers

(You've definitely fucked in the changing rooms on more than one occasion: abs, muscles, sweaty Cassian - how could you not??)

Him helping you with exercises and standing really close to you is just foreplay at this point

Leaving together and he just slings a sweaty arm over your shoulders and presses a kiss to your temple, proudly showing you off and not finding it in himself to care whether or not the other gym-goers know what transpired not even 10 minutes ago ;)

Cassian for sure drives one of those big 4WDs and he loved picking you up in it when you first started dating

He still makes sure to open the door for you every time you’re driving around together

Just picture, overnight dates where you pack up the car and sleep in the back of it on a pile of blankets and pillows, just watching the stars together and whispering about your future before drifting off to sleep

Then there’s Cassian meeting your family for the first time and being so incredibly nervous because he didn’t have a stable family growing up but little does he know, he’s already won them over before even meeting purely based on everything you have told them about him

(I need to stop because this will be a whole post in itself and I could just go on forever)

[thebestofoneshots]

Gilded Constellations | wolfstar x reader

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 6.1 K Warnings: none Prompt: The day after the race has you feeling sore, and after taking a potion to mitigate the pain, you ened up blabering a lot of your thoughts out in the world. This IS a wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.

ANOUNCMENT:

In a couple of weeks I'll make a Q&A to cellebrate Gilded Constellations reaching 100,000 words. And I'd love for all of you to be a part of it. So send in your questions, they can be anything you want, things like: How did you get the idea? Where does inspo come from? writing tips (I mean I don’t know much but anyway), character design, fancast, fav characters, things about me, about my plot notebook, literally anything you want, ask away (just state: For Q&A event or something) <3

Chapter 12: You really got me. 

October 4th, 1976 - Monday

On Monday you woke up early but you were sore. The fall from the broom had finally taken its toll on your body, and you pretty much dragged yourself to the bathroom to get changed for flying, or maybe to go to the infirmary first, you weren’t sure which one was going to be more relevant by the time you managed to walk down the stairs. 

You somehow changed your clothes and quietly walked downstairs. James and Sirius hadn’t come down yet, so you let yourself fall on the couch awkwardly. Looking at the faint stars you had placed on the ceiling a couple of weeks ago. 

“Morning (Y/N),” Said James from the stairs when he spotted you “Didn’t expect you to be here today.” 

You frowned at his words “What? Why wouldn’t I be?” 

He looked at you with raised eyebrows “Your broom?” 

You gasped at that. He was right, you didn’t have a broom. “It… It went completely past me, shit.” 

He smiled and sat on the sofa next to yours “Sirius said he’s gonna skip today, I thought I’d be flying alone.”  

“Is he feeling sore?” 

“He was complaining so much this morning I didn’t expect you to even come to class.” 

You laughed “I mean, I do feel like I’ve been hit by a truck but, flying always makes me feel better.”

“Why don’t you borrow his broom? I’m sure he’ll say yes.” James said, it was an excellent idea. 

“Do you think the rest’ll mind if I…” you stated, motioning upstairs with your finger. 

James shook his head “Nah, go ahead. Peter sleeps like a log, you won’t wake him even if you bang on the door, and Sirius and Remus are already awake.” 

You nodded, and walked upstairs, towards the boys’ room. Once in front of the thick wooden door you knocked on it softly “Come in,” you heard Sirius’ muffled voice, probably by a pillow. And so you carefully opened the door. 

“Morning,” you said when you saw Sirius laying on his bed, head still buried on his pillow. 

He turned his head around casually “Oh, morning love.” He said once he noticed it was you “What are you doing here? you should be in bed. Aren’t you in pain too?” 

Sirius Black was really chatty in the mornings. You nodded in response, “I wanted to fly still.” 

He arched an eyebrow “Can’t miss one day of practice?” 

You shook your head “The wind always makes me feel good.” 

He nodded “Why are you here then? Couldn’t bear to go without me?” He teased.

“You wish,” you replied with a smile “I came to borrow your–“ 

You started, but then their bathroom door opened wide and Remus stepped out. With his pants loosely hanging over his waist, and both of his arms holding the towel he was using to dry his hair, shirtless. And holy mother of Jesus, Remus Lupin was hiding real muscles under all those sweaters. You could see the gush he’d gotten the day you’d found him on the hospital, and he hadn’t been lying, he really did heal fast. He turned his back, you stared for a second as his muscles flexed. Minho wished he had that back, the girls have no clue or they’d be lusting over the sexy pirate here instead, you thought. But after the initial shock you realised he had many more scars there than over his face, you wondered how the hell he’d gotten so many cuts and made a mental note to ask him one day, when you were closer.  

When he turned again and saw you’d been there he looked like a deer trapped in the headlights. “Ugh– sorry.” You said and turned around quickly, facing the door “didn’t mean to– I was just here to borrow Sirius’ broom.” 

“It’s ok,” you heard Remus’ calm voice from behind you. He was in fact not ok, but he figured I’d be weird if a boy panicked over someone seeing his chest, so he played it cool. “I’m not naked or anything.” 

“Right!” You said turning back around, he was already buttoning his own shirt, “I’m ugh– happy you’re better,” you said, passing your hand over your chest so he knew what you were talking about, “I thought I’d take longer to heal.” 

“Moony heals fast,” said Sirius, finding a quick excuse for his friend. 

“And madam Pomfrey’s an amazing mediwitch,” Remus added. 

You nodded, “I’m actually going to see her before flying,” you told them “Hope she can get me some pain killer potion or something.” 

“You’re sore too?” Remus asked with concern. 

You nodded “Like I was thrown off my broom at incredibly high speeds and rolled on the ground several times, yeah…” You said ironically. 

“I think you meant: saved by an incredibly handsome wizard from being hit by a tree.” Sirius corrected, you chuckled “Moony’s got some though, right?” 

“Do you?” You asked, looking at the taller boy, who was now fumbling with his tie. He nodded absentmindedly as he struggled to get the knot right, he was still nervous about his scars. You smiled and pulled your wand out, pointing at his neck “Ligatura Cravatia,” you mumbled, his tie suddenly escaped from his fingers and tied itself neatly.

He looked at you surprised, “Thanks!” 

You nodded “I could not tie a tie for the life of me,” you mentioned casually “had to learn an easier way.”  

Remus nodded and leaned in to open a drawer from his side table, it was filled with potions and infusions, and he took out a small vial, of which there seemed to be many, and handed it over to you. “Take half of that now and half of it when you feel sore again,” he explained. 

You nodded, thanking him as you took it from his hands, Sirius spoke “You made me take the whole thing. It tastes awful!” 

“Yeah Sirius, you’re almost as big as me, (Y/N) is tiny. I’d be too much for her.” You frowned at that.

 Tiny?, you thought, It wasn’t your fault Remus was so freakishly tall. Average, at least.

“Hm…” Sirius responded unconvinced and then looked at you “It’s under the bed.” 

“What is?” You asked confused.

“My broom?” He said with a frown “maybe you really just came to see me,” he said with a charming smile. 

You laughed at his teasing “Wouldn’t you like that?” You told him before leaning down to grab his broom from under the bed. You spotted some cassette tapes on a small box there too and smiled. Of course Sirius would keep his music like that. When you finally stood up you smiled at him “Thanks Puppy, you’re the best!” You said as you stepped out of their room. 

“You owe me one!” He shouted as you closed the door, to anyone it may seem he meant for the favour, but you knew what he actually meant with that, which only made you smile to yourself. Once you were back downstairs you were already in a better mood than that of which you had woken up with. 

James had fallen asleep on the couch, so you nudged him awake and the two of you walked towards the courtyard. As you walked through the halls you pulled out the little vial and drank half of the liquid, as Remus had advised. You winced, Sirius wasn’t being overly dramatic, it truly tasted awful, bitter and it lingered, almost like earwax. 

“Oh, is that Moony’s get-better-soon potion?” James asked casually, taking it from your hands.

You nodded “He gave it to me, to help with the soreness.” 

James nodded and gave it back “Be careful where you put it, one time it broke over his clothes and he had to throw them away, no spell would remove the foul smell from it.” You nodded, placing it where you thought it’d be better off “What are you going to do about your broom?”

“I actually sent a letter home last night, I asked them to send me my old Viper, and I sent the Dark Nimbus bits to the factory, asking them if there was a way to fix it.” 

“That was actually a great solution, I was gonna offer you my Phoenix Blaze but your Viper probably has more stability, and you’ll need it, especially since you’re our star keeper.” 

You laughed “We haven’t even played an actual match and yet you call me that.” 

“I know talent when I see it.” 

You nudged him lightly with your elbow and the two of you laughed. James was just so likeable, even if he was a little arrogant, he was noble and kind, and you were so happy you’d made him your friend. The two of you reached the courtyard soon after and then you were in the air. James didn’t want to push you too much so instead of having you do standard exercises he decided to let you pretty much do whatever you wanted. 

And you just flew, doing some twirls and circles in the air, but nothing too crazy. You loved the feeling of the air hitting your face, and the wind blowing all around you. Today was particularly windy, so you decided to fly even higher than you had before and allowed yourself to bask on the sun above the clouds. Once James realised how far up you were, he quickly caught up with you. “You alright?” He asked. 

You opened your eyes and turned to him, nodding “Just enjoying the day.” You told him “It’s a beautiful day…” 

You looked so at peace, almost too at peace. And then he remembered the effect the potion had once had on Remus, the time he took it on an empty stomach, it dumbed him out until he fell asleep in the middle of his favourite class, you didn’t look far from that, so he urged you to come down “I think we should probably go back down,” he said. 

You shook your head “But it’s so nice here, James.” 

“We’re definitely coming back down,” he said then, and flew closer to you, grabbing your arm and dragging you behind him towards the floor. Once close to the courtyard he let you land by yourself, and you checked your wrist watch.

“It’s still early.” 

“Yeah, we need to get you some food,” he told you, and the two of you walked towards the Great Hall. Only a couple of people were there so early. You sat down on the spot closest to the door and placed both of your elbows on the table, leaning your chin against your hands, and stared absentmindedly to the food. James grabbed some oatmeal and served it on a plate, dropping strawberries and other blueberries on them. Then he placed the plate in front of you. “Eat up,” he said. 

You looked at the food he’d placed and nodded, grabbing a spoonful and slowly bringing it all the way to your mouth “Thanks James,” you mumbled once you swallowed “you even added the fruit I like.” 

James nodded, as he served himself some eggs “Remus was telling me the other day that you almost always exclusively grab strawberries and blueberries.” 

“Mhm,” you agreed. “Remus is very observant, and strong.” 

James frowned “He’s what?” 

“Like really strong, under all those layers he wears, I didn’t know, but today I found out…” you said casually, only later realizing what you’d said “What the fuck did I just say?” 

James just laughed and decided to tease you for it “Merlin (Y/N)! Don’t thirst over my friends when I’m around.”

“I… I wasn’t– I didn’t… What the flipping hell did he make me drink?” You asked, placing your hands over your dizzy head and leaning in on the table. 

“It’s because you haven’t eaten.” He told you “You’d be surprised what he said that one time,” James said, recalling how a couple of years ago Remus had gone on and on about the colour of Sirius’ eyes. 

You looked at him, took a deep breath and started to gobble up your food, which just caused your friend to laugh even further as he casually plopped some bacon into his mouth. 

Remus and Peter arrived a couple of minutes later, and you buried your head in your second serving of oatmeal when you spotted the taller boy. Remus sat in front of you and Peter by his side. 

“You didn’t warn her to eat it before taking it,” James told Remus reproachfully. 

“Fuck,” he whispered in response. 

“You’re fucking lucky she was flying with me and not by herself.” He said again, James was surprisingly stern about it, and it wasn’t because you were his star keeper or his cyrano, but he’d genuinely grown fond of you, and he already considered you a friend, as much as he considered Mary or Marlene friends, maybe more, since you were a lot closer, and if James Potter was something, it was fiercely protective of his friends.  

Remus swallowed, James was right, he’d put you in danger. And all because he was so nervous about being shirtless and the fact that you’d seen all his scars “I’m sorry,” he said and placed a hand over your arm “You feeling alright?” 

You looked at him for a second, gaze lingering on his hands before  nodding and going back to your meal as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. James couldn’t help the diverted smile that slowly appeared on his face. 

Remus noticed, of course he noticed, “Oh… she started talking…” He acknowledged, finally taking his hand from your arm. 

James just laughed, remembering the confidence that you’d used to call his friend strong and took another bite of his bacon  “at least she didn’t talk about Sirius.” 

Remus looked at him mortified, but you didn’t notice, you were too busy looking at Lily and Beth who had just walked in “They have such stunning hair,” you said casually as you saw the different shades of red the girls had, but straightened up after, and sighing with a little frown, gobbling your food again “How much longer?” You complained. 

“I mean you’re not wrong,” James agreed, looking at Lily with heart-eyes “Remus was like that for a couple of hours…” 

“Hours?!” 

“I can take her to the common room,” Peter offered “We’ll tell Flitwick she’s still feeling bad about the fall, like Sirius, and he absolutely loves her anyway, pretty sure it won’t affect her grades.” 

“But class!” You said looking up from your food. 

“Sirius can take care of her,” Remus added, “it was his idea to give her the draught anyway.” 

“Sirius? No way! The things I’d say to Sirius in this state!” You complained, already thinking of how his hair was so bouncy and soft when it brushed over your face. “He’d have material to tease me for the rest of my life, and my afterlife.” 

James snorted at your words, coughing it out and cleaning his face with a handkerchief he had on his robe’s pockets. Perhaps it would actually be good to take you to the common room with Sirius, maybe you’d finally be able to admit your feelings for each other, he thought. Little did he know you’d done it the previous day “It’s a good idea.”

You shook your head distressed, but he was already helping you stand up. Peter had already run to the other side of the table. 

“Can you deal with her?” Remus asked him, “I can take her if not.” 

You looked at Remus and remembered all the things you could’ve said and stood straighter “I can deal with myself,” you said and motioned for Peter to come beside you.

Minutes later, you were walking through the halls alongside Peter “What did you say before we arrived?” He asked you casually. 

You sighed “Something along the lines of Remus is fucking ripped under all those sweaters.”

He laughed at your answer, you didn’t even mention Remus’ scars, which made him smile, since he knew how self-conscious his friend was about them. 

“Do we have to go to the common room?” You asked him “Or maybe you can leave me there but not tell Sirius about it.” 

Peter shook his head as an answer “What bothers you so much about being left with Sirius? Thought you guys were friendlier after he saved you.” 

“I’ve got nothing against Sirius. On the contrary, I actually really like him. That’s the problem, who knows what I might say when he’s in front of my face.” 

Peter laughed again “I’m sure he won’t put it against you, after all, you already talked about Remus’ abs and Lily’s hair, It’s just the medicine.” 

“Peter, you know Sirius.” 

He sighed at that and then shrugged “We’ll obliviate him if he gets too annoying.”

You looked at Peter with shock and laughed when you saw the little smile playing on his face. He was joking, who knew he had such a dark humour hidden in all his soft boy persona? To be fair, Peter had always been extremely nice to you and everyone you knew, he also had many friends from all around the school, perhaps more than James and Sirius, since they really liked hanging out with one another. “You’re still planning a prank?” You asked. 

“We’ve got something on the back burner,” he told you “but we’re not gonna do it yet, since James got detention after the race.” 

You nodded at that, by then you were just outside of the common room, he whispered the password to the portrait and the two of you walked inside. You let yourself fall on the couch as he went to get Sirius.You buried your head under a pillow, maybe if you were asleep, you wouldn’t be able to run your mouth and say embarrassing things about Sirius’ soft lips or his strong jawline.

A couple of minutes later they both came walking down the stairs, Sirius was the first one to speak “Peter says no one told you to eat before drinking the draught.” He said as he approached you. You made a muffled sound from underneath the pillow in response.

“Well then, take care of her, yeah?” Peter said before waving goodbye to his friend, “See you later (Y/N)!”

“Bye Peter, thanks for bringing me here!” You said, voice still muffled by the pillow you refused to remove from your face. If you did not see Sirius maybe you wouldn’t remember how pretty he was. 

As Peter left, Sirius walked closer to you, raising an eyebrow when he spotted you still hiding under the pillow still “The light bothering you love?” He asked politely, “We could go up to my room, it’s darker when we close the blinds.” 

“Mm-mm,” you denied, refusing to even open your mouth in case you let something slip. 

Sirius, being oblivious to why you were being so hell bent in hiding your pretty face under a pillow, sat down on the floor to level his head to yours as much as possible, a soft groan left his lips as he hit the floor. You winced when you figured how close he was. He leaned his arm on the couch, next to where yours was and started to absentmindedly play with the hem of your sweater, “Are you upset about something? Did something bad happen?” He asked gently. 

You finally removed the pillow from your face with a frown and shook your head fervently. 

He raised his eyebrows at your reaction. You opened your mouth to speak and closed it again shortly after, frowning at your lack of conviction. That made him narrow his gaze, and a teasing smile drew from his face, “Oh you were saying stuff, weren’t you?”

Your eyes widened in surprise, he was quick to catch on. 

“Did you talk about my pretty eyes like Moony did?” You shook your head in response, “Oh, then… Did you talk about someone else instead? Should I be jealous about it?” You gave him a reproachful look and he laughed, such a melodious laugh, you thought, almost slapping yourself when you were about to open your big mouth and go running all your thoughts to Sirius. 

“So what? You won’t open your mouth in case you say something silly?” You nodded. He laughed again, had his laugh always been so pretty? “But I’ll get bored if you say nothing!” He pouted “How was your morning flight? Made you feel better?” You nodded with a smile, finally sitting back on the couch, grabbing his arm and pulling him up to sit beside you, he complied, and the two of you sat on the couch together, shoulders brushing against the other. Sirius let his head fall, and slid down a little “You’re really not gonna talk?” He asked, turning his head towards you. 

You took a deep breath “Whatever I say may be used against me, so no.” you replied. 

“What if I promise I won’t use it against you? Even if you start talking about something silly like how pretty you think Moony’s left hand is.” 

You laughed at that, Sirius wasn’t wrong there either, Moony’s hands were very strong and dextrous, you recalled a particular day, in potions, when he’d gotten bored as you carefully measured some of the ingredients on the only balance that the table had, and he’d started twirling his wand around with remarkable ease. 

“Oh no, you’re thinking about Moony’s hands now, aren’t you?”He asked when he saw your thoughtful expression. 

“I wasn’t!” You said, a little too fast.

Sirius shook his head, diverted and placed his left hand over yours, “Think of mine instead,” he said casually, as if he didn’t realise he was making your heart beat faster.

Now you smiled “Jealous, are we?” You asked as you started to play with his hand, brushing your fingers over the soft skin of his palm. Sirius’ hands felt much softer than you imagined Remus’ would. He had long, slender fingers, and he didn’t even have the callouses that you get for quidditch, he probably used expensive potions when he lived back at the Blacks. His rings were cold in comparison to his warm skin, it was nice, awfully nice.

“Of Moony?! He isn’t your type.” He responded confidently. 

“How would you even know my type?” 

Sirius smiled at the question as If he was just waiting for you to ask it, he leaned in, so close his beautiful hair brushed against your shoulders, and then he whispered “That’s easy love, it’s because I AM your type.” Then, he placed a soft kiss on the side of your cheek.

You pushed him back playfully and smiled when you saw his shit-eating grin “You keep believing that, all right Puppy?” You said as you pinched one of his cheeks, not that there was much to pinch, the boy had the facial structure of a woodland elf. 

“Hm…” he said as he pushed your hand off his face and intertwined his fingers on yours “That makes it two.” 

You laughed “You’ll keep count?”

“Obviously, gotta make sure my girl pays her debts.” 

My girl, you thought, you were indeed Sirius’ girl now. 

“We’ve got time now, perhaps we can reset the debt?” You asked with a suggestive smile, but Sirius simply shook his head.

“You’re high on painkillers.” 

You pouted, “I’d want to kiss you even if I wasn’t?” you said reproachfully.

Sirius, saw that as an opening, and leaned closer to you “Would you? Tell me about it.” 

“I wanted to kiss you when we didn’t see each other for years, and then when I was back and saw you, all grown up, I wanted to kiss you again, and then yesterday when we actually kissed, I wished we could’ve continued on forever.” Sirius smiled brightly, at least it wasn’t only he who felt that way. But when you saw his reaction you clasped your hand over your mouth “What the fuck did I just say?!” 

Sirius shrugged “The truth.” 

You shook your head “No-no! That was the potion,” you argued.  

Sirius shook his head with a smile “I don’t think so.” 

“Sirius!” 

“You’re madly in love with me, just accept it,” he said cockily.

You grabbed the pillow from earlier and groaned into it in frustration as you leaned over your lap. All you had to do was keep your big mouth shut, but you didn’t, and now Sirius would be able to tease you for the rest of your life. 

Sirius smiled and placed a hand over your shoulder, leaning in a little before he spoke “If it makes you feel better, I feel the exact same way.” 

You stood straight in an instant, disbelief all over your face as you searched for Sirius’ eyes, trying to find an ounce of doubt, of a joke, but… there wasn’t any “But the potion didn’t–“

“No, I had an apple before Moony threw it down my throat,” he said, and shrugged “I just wanted you to know, you’re not the only one who feels that way.” 

You smiled and leaned in towards him, hiding your blush over his shoulder, so many emotions piled up inside you didn’t even know what to do with them. All you knew was that you liked Sirius so much it bothered you. Why was he so damn adorable? How could he be so pretty and manly at the same time? Fucking Sirius Black, he had you, and he had you bad.  

As you leaned into Sirius, savouring his scent, which you could only describe as a mix of leather, firewood and musk, you suddenly started feeling very sleepy. A yawn escaped from your lips, and Sirius looked at you knowingly “Are we already at the point in which you fall asleep? But we were having such a pleasant conversation.” 

“Shut up Puppy!” you said softly.

Sirius smiled, leaning back so you could both get more comfortable “That’s three.” 

Mary, who had gotten out of charms earlier after Tom accidentally burned the sleeve of her robe, was the first person to enter the common room, finding you and Sirius cuddling into each other, both asleep. She smiled, and after casting a silencing charm around the two, so you wouldn’t be awoken, ran upstairs to grab Marlene’s Polaroid. Once she was back down she took a couple of pictures of the two, and a selfie, with her in the middle. After she stood back, snickering at the pictures as she went back upstairs to finally change her burned robes.  Priorities, she thought as she left the camera over Marlene’s bed and went to change. She then wrote a note, kindly asking the laundry elves to repair her robe for her, and placed it over her now neatly bent robe. 

She walked downstairs a little later, and after considering whether to wake you or not for a minute, she decided against it. After all, you both looked quite comfortable, and the nasty fall the two of you had the previous day wasn’t something you could just shrug off easily. Sometimes sleep really was the best medicine. 

A few hours later, when it was finally meal time, and you and Sirius had still not shown up in any class, Remus decided he’d go get you some food at the kitchens. The elves were as kind as ever with him, and once he had enough food for the three wrapped up, he walked up towards the common room. On the way there he bumped into Nina, who smiled at him brightly and waved before approaching him “You’re not going to the Great Hall?” She asked. 

Remus shook his head in response “I’m taking some food up for Sirius and (Y/N), they were feeling a little tattered after the fall.” 

Nina’s expression turned into one of concern “Is she all right?” 

Remus nodded, “She took some painkillers in the morning, she should be feeling a lot better by now. She may even make it to her next class,” he said, “Although, she may not actually want to, since we have Herbology…”

Nina laughed, after spending so much time with you on the rest of the study club, she was more than aware of your quarrel with Herbology, not because you didn’t like plants, but in your own words, because they didn’t like you. “Here, give her this for me, will you?” She asked, pulling a chocolate frog from her pocket and handing it over to Remus. “I told her about them a couple of weeks ago, and she said they seemed interesting, I was going to give it to her after the race.” 

Remus raised one of his eyebrows, he wasn’t sure when you and Nina had gotten so chummy with each other “Sure thing,” he replied and took the Chocolate Frog from her hand and placed it in his robe pocket. 

Nina waved goodbye to him but stopped him by grabbing his arm just before he managed to get too far. “I was forgetting, tell her we will have a book club reunion in the Ravenclaw tower by the end of the month. We’re talking about the romance novel I lent to her recently.” 

“Which romance novel?” Remus asked. 

Nina raised her eyebrows as she heard the question, and then seemed to think about it for a second before responding “It’s not apt for boy’s eyes,” she said with a little smile before waving goodbye to Remus rapidly “Anyway, thanks Remus, see you around.” 

Remus looked at Nina leave with a puzzled expression, he shrugged and continued on his way to meet you and Sirius. Once he was in front of the portrait, he whispered the password and she let him inside.  When he walked in he spotted both you and Sirius, still asleep, basically cuddling each other. He stared at the two for a minute, he found the scene endearing, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy float over his heart. He wasn’t sure if he wanted what the two of you had, if he wanted one of you, or if he’d rather be part of it, but he decided to push those thoughts to the back of his head, after all, it was probably Moony the one that was causing all those weird mood swings. 

“Morning sleepy heads,” he said as he got close enough for the two of you to hear him. Sirius was the first one to wake up, lazily opening one of his eyes and smiling when he saw his friend. 

“Hey Moony, lovely to see your ugly face first thing,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. 

“Haha,” Remus said as he sat on the armchair on the left side. “Good thing I don’t measure my worth on your opinion Pads.”

“What are you talking about? Moony’s got a pretty face,” you mumbled still half asleep. 

Sirius’s eyes widened at your words and Remus laughed in return, “Maybe you just need to improve your taste,” Remus said as he leaned forward and placed the food on the table in front of you, “Brought you two some food.” 

That finally woke you up, your stomach already rumbling at the lack of sustenance. You stood up, feeling a lot better than earlier, head clearer, you no longer felt the urge to tell Sirius how pretty he was, which was fantastic. When you saw the food you smiled “Gosh, thank you Rem, you’re such a sweetheart!” 

“See? That’s how you should greet your friends,” Remus said motioning towards you “You should ask her to teach you some manners.” 

Sirius sighed, and then smiled “Thank you, oh beautiful lord Moony for bringing food over to us!”

Both you and Remus laughed at his silliness. You slid off the sofa and onto the rug and pulled out some of the food Remus had brought, he’d somehow gotten the elves to make him roast beef sandwiches. “Roast beef? That’s brilliant!” You said as you gave your first bite, moaning as the flavour sipped in through your tastebuds. 

Remus also slid from the armchair and grabbed for one of the sandwiches. Sirius was the last one to follow suit. Once he gave a bite, he leaned back, “Didn’t even realise how hungry I was,” he said. “Thanks Moony.” 

Remus hummed in response and then remembered the errand Nina had asked for him, so he pulled out the chocolate frog and handed it over to you. 

“What? No chocolate frog for me?” Sirius complained playfully. 

“No because you’re a twat,” Remus said calmly, Sirius looked at him taken aback. “Besides the chocolate frog’s not from me, it’s from Nina.”

“Who’s Nina?” Sirius asked as he took another bite from his sandwich.

“Member of (Y/N)’s fan club.”

“Nina isn’t a member of my fan club!” You said after you swallowed the bite you were chewing “I mean… I don’t have a fan club!” 

Sirius was the one to laugh now “Yeah sure, tell that to all the people wearing pins with your head on it and holding banners yesterday.” 

Remus nodded “At some point, I even considered the fact that you somehow became more popular than James.” 

You shook your head “You boys, it’s all in your head. I’m not popular, just the shiny new thing everyone’s talking about because I transferred recently.” 

Sirius took a bite from some dried jerky before pointing at you with it “It’s like you don’t want to admit you’re popular.”

“‘Cause I’m not.” 

“But you tick all the boxes,” Sirius retorted “Attentive, nice, talented at something most people are passionate about at school.” 

“Not to mention you’re helping younger students at the study club. And you’re pretty,” Remus said casually. Sirius nodded, in agreement. 

“Well… I–“ you started. 

“Just accept it, darling,” Sirius said, placing an arm over your shoulder. “We’ll be the school’s celebrity couple once word gets out.” 

“Word?” Remus asked with a frown. 

“We’re dating.” Sirius stated “Right love?” 

“I mean… we snogged yesterday, I didn’t know you were so eager to make it official.” 

Remus laughed at that, Merlin, was it fun to see Sirius put in his place by you. “Congratulations?” 

“Well thank you Moony!” Sirius said with a smile. The three of you continued to hang out until you finished your meal. When you were done you decided you were not going to skip more classes and walked alongside the two boys to the Herbology greenhouses.  

On your way, you stopped to take a look at the forest, “The night I came with Lily, to harvest the stuff for potions, I swear I heard howls coming from the forbidden forest.” Sirius and Remus gave a look at each other as if only now realising what Moony was so hell-bent on achieving that night. You didn’t notice, since you were leaning on one of the nearby arches, your back facing them. You breathed in the fresh air “Sometimes I miss being able to walk through the forest, I wish it wasn’t forbidden.” 

Sirius walked in closer to you and grabbed you by the arm, pulling you back on the way, “It’s forbidden for a reason, monsters roam there.” He said. 

You laughed “As if you ever cared about dangerous.” 

“Pads is right,” Remus continued “The forest… It’s not something you should mess with.” 

“So you’re telling me, you’ve NEVER EVER gone into the forest?” You asked in disbelief. 

“We have,” Remus acknowledged, “That’s why we know it’s no place for you.” 

“Because I’m a girl?!” You asked, clenching your jaw as you did. 

“Because you’re a human.” Sirius punctuated. 

You frowned at that, you were so used to being looked down on by boys that you assumed Sirius and Remus were doing the same thing. But they were not, in fact, they had never even tried to. They both thought you were as capable as any man, heck, maybe even more capable than most men. They would never look down on you like some boys back in your old school, the same boys that hadn’t let you in the quidditch team for years because you were a girl, it had taken a teacher’s intervention for you to finally be allowed to join in. James, on the other hand, hadn’t even thought twice before asking you to the tryouts. Hogwarts was different. Your friends were different. 

You sighed “If only I was something else,” you said, a knowing smile growing on your face as you did. Neither of the boys quite understood what you meant, but that was fine. They did not need to know every single detail about you, at least not yet. Especially Sirius, he did not need more material to tease you.

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[siblingshuffle]

Sibling Shuffle: The LaLinde Family!

Here’s the LaLinde family! I looked at the concept art a lot with these guys lol

(I have no one to look over all my stuff IRL & I accept constructive criticism) (my ref. for Tempo’s armor had some weird shadows & I don’t think it looks right but at this point it’s fine)

This honestly took less time than I expected. Really surprised at how well I managed to copy Dr. LaLinde’s pose from her first appearance… anyway

Since there wasn’t much we were shown of Vesper Woman, I had to fill in a couple of gaps (and by that I mean a lot of them). We know she is supposed to annoy Tempo into experiencing emotions, and we know her job… but not much else. She didn’t even have a civilian name / design, and I don’t know if she was supposed to get one later on… so yeah this is what I’ve got for her! I’m really happy with her hair. I think it looks fun :)

As with Piano before her, Dr. LaLinde’s purple hair stood out too much from the rest of the cast. I felt a little guilty because it’s a pretty unique character feature & I already made Piano’s hair change, so she gets to keep a streak of purple.

Tempo gets a dress the same length as her original pencil skirt, but it more closely resembles the concept art for her civilian design. I don’t really have a reason other than I like her concept art outfit & because I can

WARNING: this is a VERY long post. I ramble a LOT.

Lore under the cut!

Around the time that Blues attempted to run away, Dr. LaLinde began work on her own robot child, Tempo. Tempo was created as a “child” more than a “tool” (much like the Light kids). Tempo was, like many kids, cheerful and full of energy.

Assuming the ARTS Convention is a yearly event, I’m going to say Tempo met Blues at one of those. Blues isn’t very comfortable in a crowded area, so he was already a bit thrown off when Tempo ran up to him all excited to meet another robot like her. It took a little bit for him to adjust to her enthusiasm, but they were pretty fast friends :)

Unfortunately, then Tempo was caught in a cave-in later that year, which basically destroyed her. Dr. LaLinde rebuilt her, but when it came time to restore her IC chip, she hesitated. She had lost her daughter once; was she willing to risk going through that again? And she had built Tempo with human-level emotions, who’s to say she wouldn’t end up traumatized? So, she set the IC Chip in a drawer in her desk, where Tempo’s personality and emotions sat until after the next ARTS Convention.

There are a few minor changes to how their reconciliation storyline goes from there. Tempo doesn’t forgive Dr. LaLinde immediately - she’s a little hurt that her mother let her stay dead for longer than was necessary. But she’s a very forgiving person, and makes an effort to trust and forgive Dr. LaLinde again, especially once they actually have an actual conversation about it.

Vesper Woman - who I’m giving the Civilian Name of "Rhythm" (because why would one sibling just. not have a personal name?) - was still created around MM4, (partially) to help Tempo restore her personality & emotions fully. I didn’t really change anything about her, more expanded on what there was already, which was not a lot but. she was literally introduced in the second-to-last issue so what can ya do.

She met Rock while he was trying to come to terms with the fact that he had been working for the bad guy. She tried to get him to cheer up a little, then brought him back to Geoworks HQ when he mentioned needing some help. And the other LaLinde’s recognized him (because they had been alive for longer than a week lol)

[lulublack90]

Prompt 17 - Year

@jegulus-microfic April 17, Word count 957

Previous part First part

The knock at the door startled Regulus as he limped across the living area. James had said goodnight already and gone to dinner with his parents. Regulus’s heart fluttered as he opened the door, anticipating seeing James again. He’d told him not to sneak back as he must be sick of him after spending three full days with him. But that sweet goofball had grinned at him and said it was the best three days he’d ever had skiing. Regulus had snorted loudly into his shoulder. He’d never felt like this about someone. They just fit. He looked forward to seeing James and dreaded the end of the week when they would be separated.

When he met the eyes of the person on the other side of the door, he froze. The eyes were not the warm hazel pools he’d expected but the dark brown, almost black pits of Barty Crouch. 

“Barty?! What the fuck are you doing here?!” Regulus gasped. 

“Hello to you too, darling,” Barty smirked. Regulus tried to slam the door, but Barty stuck his booted foot in the doorway, causing the door to bang off him and shudder back open. Barty strode towards him, grinning a toothy smile. He pecked a kiss on Regulus’s trembling cheek. 

“Did you miss me?” He purred, flinging himself onto the sofa. Regulus stayed facing the door, calculating whether he could make it to the lift in time. He quickly concluded that even without his hurt ankle, Barty was fast as lighting and would catch him before he even got halfway down the corridor. 

“Why are you here, Barty? We broke up, and you’ve got zero reason to be in my room.” He tried to keep his voice even. But even he could hear the strain. 

“It’s our one-year anniversary, pet. We should be together for this special day, don’t you think?” Barty rose from the sofa and slinked up behind Regulus. He wrapped his arms around his waist and whispered into his neck as his lips brushed against the delicate skin. “Which one is your bedroom? Or do you fancy having a go in your brother’s bed?” Regulus shuddered in disgust. Two months ago, and that would have worked. Hell, that would have worked three days ago. But right now, his skin was crawling at Barty’s proximity. He wrenched himself free, ignoring the way his ankle throbbed and pain shot up the joint. 

“Get out. We broke up, end of. I don’t want to be with you, Barty. Go find someone else to gaslight.” He held the door open and gestured with his free hand for him to exit. Barty didn’t move. “Please, Barty, just go.” Regulus almost begged. He was tired and didn’t want to deal with him. 

“Oh, no, baby. I’m not going anywhere.” His smile didn’t meet his eyes. 

Regulus was spared any further arguing by the loud laughing coming from the lift. Sirius and Remus shuffled towards the hotel room door, holding each other and stealing kisses as they moved closer. Sirius pulled out his key card and waved it near the door until Remus pulled away, and he looked up to see what was wrong. Regulus had never been so happy to see his brother. 

Sirius immediately stormed in and grabbed Barty by his collar before forcibly dragging him out of the room. 

“Remus, stay with Reggie while I make sure this one gets thrown out,” Sirius ordered over his shoulder before disappearing into the lift. 

Regulus let out a shuddering breath as he hobbled his way over to the sofa and sunk onto it, dropping his head into his hands. 

“What was that all about?” Remus asked. Regulus peered out of the corner of his eye at him. 

“I could ask the same about you and my brother.” Remus flushed scarlet. “Don’t worry, Doctor, it’s fine with me.” He added, not wanting to make the kind doctor too uncomfortable. “That was my ex,” He continued. He apparently found Remus easy to spill his guts to. “I broke up with him a couple of months ago, but he keeps phoning me. I haven’t answered any of them, but this morning James answered it, and I’m guessing that’s why he came here. Though I don’t know how he knew where we were.” Regulus’s brow furrowed as he tried to figure it out. How had Barty known where he was? His head snapped up as he remembered something. He opened his phone and checked his apps. Barty had downloaded a tracking app the first time he’d lost him in a bookshop as a joke. He hadn’t thought it was actually working. He opened it, and two red dots appeared inside a building with the same name as the hotel they were in. “Mother fucker!” He exclaimed. 

“What is it?” Remus jumped but collected himself quickly. 

“He’s tracking my phone!” Regulus spat as he tried to figure out how to turn it off and delete it. 

It appeared to be paired to Barty’s phone, and if he unpaired them, Barty shouldn’t be able to track him anymore without Regulus’s permission. His finger hovered over the cancel button when Remus grabbed his hand.

“Wait for Sirius to get back before you do anything.” He warned before swiftly releasing Regulus’s hand. 

“Okay,” Regulus agreed, putting his phone back down. 

“You know, as your Doctor, I can prescribe something to help,” Remus told him, perching on the sofa beside him and holding out a glass of whisky. Regulus rolled his eyes and huffed out a laugh but took it, taking a grateful sip. 

“Best Doctor I’ve ever had.” He raised his glass to Remus before taking another mouthful of the burning liquid as they waited for Sirius’s return. 

Next part

[gracelaurie]

Lover | Patrick Wilson x Fem!reader

(SEQUEL)

previous part click here CHAPTER 1 // CHAPTER 2

Summary : You and Patrick had a one night stand a few months ago. And now you’re 6 months pregnant. You don't expect to meet the father of your child because you’re a woman who prefers to be alone. But fate said otherwise, you meet again with the father who made your stomach grow big.

And you stupidly didn’t know that he was an actor.

Warning : smut, fingering, rough sex, unprotected sex, p in v sex, breeding kink.

It's been 6 weeks since the birth of your twins. Of course Patrick which the father of your baby…has his responsibility, not only focusing his attention on your babies but also he takes care of you.

He took a full 1 month off work after you gave birth. You feel safe with him, in his house in New Jersey. You decided to stay with Patrick because you realized that taking care of two twins born in your own womb was more difficult than taking care of your uncle’s baby twins.

Your belly started to shrink, but not completely. You don’t really care about your appearance, all you think about is your children. In the last 2 weeks, Patrick has started shooting for the Conjuring 4 film project.

You don’t blame him for that. Patrick was actually worried about leaving you alone to work, but you tried to convince Patrick that you were fine and you could take care of your children at home. Although sometimes Patrick likes to come home late at night, even coming home the next morning.

You try to understand and don’t want to burden him. After all, you are both just dating, not yet a married couple.

That night, as usual, Patrick came home late. You are just overwhelmed with taking care of your two babies who have difficulty sleeping and keep crying. but exactly at 11 o'clock they were fast asleep. and a few minutes later Patrick knocked on the door and you found him looking very tired.

“How’s the twins, hon?” Patrick asked then he walked towards the baby box and saw that your babies were fall asleep.

“It’s good that you see them when they’re calm and sleepy, not when they crying loudly.” You said and then Patrick kissed your forehead softly.

You quickly made him some tea as he sat on the sofa.

“Very tiring day, huh?” Patrick muttered then started to turn on the TV which displayed the latest news. “You must be very tired looking after our twins. I’m sorry, I wasn't here just now...”

“Patrick...” you replied, handing him the still warm cup of tea and sitting next to him, “you’re also tired from work and I would understand that.” You unbuttoned the top of Patrick's shirt so that Patrick wouldn't get hot.

“Would you still understand if I was forced to act in a romantic scene and kiss the lips of someone else?”said Patrick while lowering his head. You can see how frustrated he is.

You held his hand, “Patrick... you are a professional actor, that is your job. I don’t have a problem with that as long as you can keep your heart for me.”

“That’s not it,” said Patrick, looking straight into your eyes, “I feel I’m no longer be professional for doing that scene. The director said that I no longer have chemistry with Vera on screen. That’s a bad thing.

“...the kiss scene was re-recorded continuously because I couldn’t do it well. Even though the genre of the film is Horror, I couldn't do it.”

“Why?” a stupid word somehow comes out of your mouth even though you already know the answer.

“I’m getting more and more crazy about you,” said Patrick honestly. He looked at you with a pitiful face, “I’m too pushy to work even though I still want with you here. I...”

Patrick touched your cheek and rubbed it, “I love you.” a sentence that he had never said in a long time and finally said it.

You froze. You don’t know how to react. When you started to open your mouth, Patrick continued, “I really love you. I want to quickly finish the last film in the Conjuring trilogy so I can...”

Patrick stopped. He felt his mouth pulling him to say the next sentence. You raised an eyebrow, “so you can what?”

“So that I can,” Patrick mumbled, his voice getting deeper, his eyes darkening, “I can marry you, have all of you.”

You felt his lips meet yours. He kissed you gently then over time his kisses got hotter and Patrick’s mouth became more aggressive.

Patrick carried your body towards your bedroom. He kissed your lips then laid you down on the bed. You felt his soft hands slowly open your nightgown to admire every inch of your body.

“You’re so beautiful, hon,” Patrick couldn’t stop kissing your body. He kissed your belly, a belly that has given birth to his baby twins. He kissed your chest, then your nipples, he moved up to kiss your collarbone.

He inhales the scent of your musk perfume and you feel his breath rising and falling around your neck, “I've been waiting for this for a long time...” his left hand holds and squeezes your butt, while his right hand grabs your leg to move your body position.

He took off your panties slowly. You can feel one of his fingers on your clit and he rubs it. You’re moaning. And then Patrick starts to insert his two hands into your cunt while his thumb now takes over rubbing your clit.

He starts playing with his finger which controls your cunt. Your cunt is so wet, it soaks your sheets. You continued to moan, then you felt his tongue now rubbing your clit with fast movements. You moan louder as his tongue begins to lick your cunt deliciously.

“Patrick…” you said in a low voice. You couldn’t stop moaning because his tongue was moving faster and faster in your cunt, “Patrick, please...”

Patrick stopped, and he saw that your cunt had soaked almost half of your sheets. Patrick started to open the buckle and then the button of his trousers roughly, and he was now kissing your neck hungrily.

You groaned in pain as he started biting your neck. Both of your hands are now trying to unbutton Patrick’s shirt as his big hard cock now enters your wet cunt.

You can see Patrick’s perfect six pack body in front of you now. Patrick hugged your body, while speed up his fucking movements.

“I will fill your belly with my baby again,” said Patrick in a rough and deep voice. His blue eyes getting darker, looking at you with a look of hunger and lust, “I will make you suffer again because you have to carry my baby for 9 months.”

You shed tears because you felt his huge cock going in and out of your vagina with increasingly fast movements. You felt his breathing getting faster and rougher in your ear, “you understand that, hon? I will give you my baby again in your stomach.”

You nodded slowly. And then he smiled and kissed your lips, “good girl,”

Then he turns your body around, and now the position is doggy style. He inserts his hard cock into your cunt. He’s now riding you while both of your hands are held by him.

You moaned louder, then you felt his lips kiss the back of your neck gently, then slowly you felt his hand strangle your neck.

“Patrick...”you moaned in a low voice, his penis going in and out of your vagina from behind, “Patrick, I want to cum.”

Patrick’s hands squeezed your butt and hit it, “Wait, hon.”

He squeezed your ass, speeding up his movements making you even more overwhelmed and you groaning in pain but it was all worth it after you both cum together. He’s really cum in your wet cunt.

You’re both tired. Patrick takes out his cock then you can see his sperm is still spilling even though he has put it inside.

He laid his body and yours at the same time. He hugged you warmly from behind while both of your bodies were covered by the blanket now.

“That was amazing,” you said.

Patrick kissed your neck gently and tightened his embrace, “I love you, hon, I really love you.”

You smiled, “I love you too...” then you both drifted off to sleep in a sparkling night.

—

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA FOR KISSING MY ROOMMATE GOODNIGHT?

(everyone is in their 20s. names are fake)

I’d like to start off by giving background, I(M) live with my roommate Salt. We’ve been living together for a couple of years now and met through mutual friends.

I’m straight. Salt is gay in a very open, stereotypical sense(yk flamboyant, effeminate etc) and I’m not saying this to judge him/say I resent him or something he’s a dear friend of mine and I couldn’t care less abt his sexuality or how he chooses to express himself. However it’s important to mention this for the sake of AITA

The actual ‘issue’ started a year ago, where we were both drunk coming home from a party, I was struggling to get my keys out so he called me a idiot and then just.. kissed me??

That caused me to question my sexuality for a while because being a straight man you’d think I’d be repulsed or bothered by it but no I didn’t really enjoy it(not like there was smth to enjoy it was like a couple of seconds) but didn’t really mind it either in fact it didn’t made me feel any different than how I’d feel kissing a random girl I suppose?

So yeah I experimented with my sexuality for a week or so and even almost hooked up with some guy but nope. Still straight. Just didn’t mind him(probably because of how close we are)

Anyways back to the point after that Salt avoided me for a while but in the end we did have a talk which was basically him saying he was not attracted to me, how it was a spur of the moment thing and also apologizing if he made me uncomfortable.

To that I told him he did not and joked about how he could do it again.

Fast forward a month(?) later the “kissing the homies goodnight” meme came out, so one time I asked him where was my goodnight kiss was at and he actually did it, after that we just continued doing that ig I don’t think none of us thought much of it other than some night time ritual.

Here comes the actual AITA part, I recently got a girlfriend(we’ll call her Pepper). I’ts not like I’m super in love with her but she’s a nice girl and I genuinely like her so I wish to keep her happy.

The issue with Pepper is that she talks a tad bit too much, I normally wouldn’t mind it as I’m on the quiet part, but she expects me to memorize everything she has told me(not in the “do you remember my friend” type of way in the she tells me about 10 different people and gets upset when I don’t remember their exes names or what did friend7 did on lunch a month ago type of way) she also has a tendency to hyperfixate on shows and talk about the plot & characters as if they’re actual real people which makes it hard for me to understand if something she says is about a show or real. She gets really upset if I forget even the smallest things about those stories and rants about how I never listen to her. I tried talking to her about this but it only ends with her crying so I just keep shut to keep her satisfied

A week ago I was having a really bad day of migraines and nothing seemed to help but me and Pepper had made plans to hang in my place and I didn’t want to cancel. She comes over and starts talking about her sister in life’s brunch. I ask her if she could slow down a bit cause my head hurts and I can’t really keep up.

Well she takes it the wrong way and starts yelling at me about how I always am like this and how I never listen to her. I admit I’m the asshole for saying this, but I ask her if she’s unable to sit down and have a conversation like an adult. This makes her calm down a bit and she sits down so we can discuss.

I try explaining to her how it’s unfair how she expects me to remember everything and I’d be more than happy to listen to her, maybe just slow down a bit?

In mid of it she has this weird smile on her face and tells me I look hot mad, she then leans over to kiss me which I pull away from because it feels like she’s just trying to change a topic and I think this is an important convo for our relationship.

This is the moment Salt decides to arrive at home(I should also mention he’s TERRIBLE at reading the room) he comes over gives me my goodnight kiss and leaves.

(I would like to add its not like we make out or something. He just gives me a peck on the lips, says goodnight and leaves)

This drives Pepper crazy. She starts shouting at me on how I’d not kiss her but him? And that I could go ride his dick if I’m that gay for him. She storms out of the apartment

I’d like to add that Pepper has never said anything about me and Salt. I never told her about the goodnight kiss(Because I mean who goes to their girlfriend like “hey btw I kiss my roommate at nights. but no homo”?) but we never hide it either in fact I’m pretty sure we did that while she was in room once or twice too. Pepper has made jokes about us being gay and how she feels bad about getting inbetween us but never anything on being uncomfortable or not liking it.

Now it’s been a week and we haven’t talked since. She is not answering my messages and I stopped trying to contact her from there but I’m starting to doubt myself, am I the asshole here? Should I go apologize?

What are these acronyms?

[lumosinlove]

Vaincre

May part five

cw: mentions of injury & recovery (nothing graphic)

Thanks for waiting y'all! It means so much that you stick with me. I'm gonna do smaller sections so I can post more frequently. Expect the next part up in a couple of days. All the love!! <3

The hospital lights were bright.

Alex didn’t like to remember that about them, but he looked down at his own pale thighs in his shorts and watched how the lights traced out every single blue vein. It made him feel more vulnerable than he cared for at that moment. He didn’t want to think about Finn laid out under a machine, waiting to hear how long it might take him to heal. That was the thing with heads. Bones had an end date: Six weeks, maybe four. Heads, however, came with mights. Might be a few months. Might be more.

Their dad was trying to get their mom to sit down, to rest. She looked just as pale in this awful light. Tear tracks on her cheeks, hand on her chest as if she could press her heart into calmness. They all—all three of them, Finn, Alex, their dad—had always hated it when she cried.

Kasey, asleep beside him in the chair now, had handed him this cup of coffee at some point. His was holding himself stiffly in sleep. Alex could tell he was in some sort of pain. Maybe from the game.

Alex wasn’t sure how long he had been holding the coffee, only that his fingers were numb from leeching the burning heat out of the flimsy cardboard. He reached out and settled careful fingers over Kasey’s old injury, wishing he could leech the pain away, too. Natalie was on the phone down the hall—maybe with Celeste Dumais. Or Lily Potter.

Logan and Leo. He didn’t see them in the waiting room.

Alex set the coffee down beneath his chair and turned to stroke a hand through Kasey’s hair. Brown eyes opened to him, tired but trying not to be.

“Did I fall asleep?” Kasey asked.

“Just for a minute.” Alex pressed a kiss to his temple. “Be right back.”

“Want me to come?” Kasey cleared his throat. He made the chair looks so small, and Alex caught the twinge of pain in his face when he moved his legs.

“No, I’m just—no, it’s okay.” He looked back towards Natalie. “You two should get home. I hope I won’t be too much longer.”

“Alex.” Kasey rubbed at his eyes then sat forward. “If you think we’re going anywhere right now, you’re an absolute insane person.”

“Seconded.”

They both looked up at Natalie, walking towards them and sliding her phone into her back pocket.

“Celeste?” Kasey asked.

“It was Sirius actually,” Natalie said. “Checking in. This is not the time, nor the place, but that man sounds extremely sexy on the phone.”

Alex cracked the barest of a smile. He stood, suddenly feeling like it would burn him through and through if he stayed still for one more second. “Does he now?”

Natalie just kissed his cheek. “Not nearly as good as you. Only, I prefer hearing your voice face to face.”

“IRL?” Alex asked. He pushed his hands in his pockets and tried to figure out how to stop his throat from closing up when he caught another glimpse of his mom’s face.

“No one says IRL,” Natalie said softly, but her eyes were flicking all over his face. “Alex—”

“I’m gonna go check on him,” Alex said, and turned away fast before she could see anything else he didn’t want her to.

The hospital lights remained just as bright down the hallway and—oh. There they were. Leo was sitting on a chair outside of Finn’s room. Logan was leaning against the opposite wall, glaring at the shut door like he could open it with his gaze alone.

“Hey,” Leo stood when he caught sight of him. He looked tired, shoulders slumped down. “Sorry, we just…” Leo sent a glance at Logan, who hadn’t moved. Hadn’t so much as blinked. “We’re feeling like the waiting room’s a little too far away right now, so…”

“Isn’t that cute,” Alex said and that got him a darting glare from Logan. Alex smiled tightly at Leo, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You guys okay? Need anything?”

“To get inside,” Logan grumbled pointedly, just as the door opened and the doctor slipped through. Logan stood straight, every muscle in him straining forward as the doctor shut the door again. She turned and her eyes hesitated on Alex.

“You’re twins?” she asked.

“Brothers,” Alex said faintly.

“Ah. Well, you can go in and see him now.” She smiled sympathetically and began walking down the hallway towards the waiting room. “He’s a talker, that one, isn’t he?”

Alex felt something that he thought was relief flood through him. He heard Leo let out a breath.

“Yeah,” Leo said. “Yeah, he is.”

Logan pushed off of the wall, and Alex barely got a hand on his chest to stop him before his hand was on the doorknob.

“Alex,” Logan said, hovering between demanding and questioning.

“Listen,” Alex said. “I know you…I know it’s…” Alex shut his eyes. They were so dry from the air that it hurt. “Can I just have a second with him? Please.”

Logan looked like he was going to protest. The look in his eyes was almost anger, or maybe frustration, but Leo stepped forward.

“Of course,” he said, and took Logan’s hand, pulling him a step back. “Of course you can. We’ll wait.”

Alex looked at him. Blue eyes. Leo hadn’t been there for so much of it, of Finn’s hurt and Logan’s ache, but he seemed to understand somehow. Alex felt a sort of kinship to him in that way. Somehow, despite the odds, both of them had become the missing halves to, not one, but two people who had already made a whole.

“Thank you,” Alex said softly, then looked at Logan. “Tremz, thanks. Really.”

Logan still didn’t look happy about it, but he nodded. He covered Leo’s hand entirely with both of his own.

No more bright lights. Not in this room. There was a soft, unobtrusive light for the doctors to see by, but that was all.

“Doesn’t it remind you of the kind that line the aisles on airplanes?” Finn’s voice said from the bed. “You know? The emergency ones.”

Alex nodded. “Mhm.”

“It’s you, Al, right?”

“Mhm,” Alex said.

“Hm,” Finn said. “Quite the game, Hazard.”

“Hazard,” Jack began to say in the locker room. He looked wrecked after the game.

Alex shook his head. “Don’t talk to me.”

Jack walked forward, at least he tried to. Will stopped him with a hand on his chest. It wasn’t aggressive. That wasn’t Will’s way. Will gave a small shake of his head, but Jack kept talking.

“It was an accident. I—okay, but I didn’t mean to hit him that hard. I thought he’d brace himself, he saw me coming—”

“I said don’t talk to me.” Alex said, then he shouldered past Logan and stepped up until all that separated him and Jack was Will’s palm. “For as long as you’re here, and I don’t think that will be for much longer, don’t talk to me.”

Jack’s eyes were wide, and for all his skill, he looked about twelve years old in that moment. With the sneer that crossed his face, a short disbelieving smile.

“We…” Jack shook his head. “But we won the game.”

It took everything in Alex to not hurt him, and most of Logan’s strength, too, when he got his arms around Alex’s, pinning them down before he could raise his fist any higher. Jack still flinched. At least Jack still flinched.

“We shouldn’t,” Logan breathed shakily, mouth close to Alex’s ear. “Alex. Alex, we shouldn’t.”

Alex cursed and shook Logan and Will off.

“We won the game,” Alex parroted under his breath, and then slammed a hand against his stall. “Get the fuck out of my sight, Archer.”

Finn didn’t look horrible, which was good. He looked more relaxed than Alex had anticipated. Aside from the sling, he would have looked almost normal. He had one knee bent, foot planted on the hospital bed. He had the hood of his sweatshirt up—Rangers blue—and after a moment of thinking of Logan, Alex realized it was his own.

Finn caught him looking and plucked at it with his good hand. “Think it’s bad luck? Mom brought it to me.”

Alex, just looked at him. It was the hood up maybe, mussing his hair. Or the socked feet. Or the tiredness all over his face. Something was making Finn look younger than he really was, something was making Alex feel like he was looking at his kid brother again, leaving Finn at home for the NHL. Getting this call.

Finn’s mouth pulled to the side and he smoothed the logo. “I don’t think it is. I like it.”

Those short sentences he’d been saying since he was eight. So sure of himself. The pizza on Prince street is better. That girl smiled at me. She likes me. So damn sure of everything. Logan had been the first to shake him out of the habit. Maybe Alex was a little angry with him about that, or at least he had been at one time.

Alex nodded. He walked forward to stand at the edge of Finn’s bed. There was a chair there but he didn’t sit. He reached out and tugged the hood more firmly over Finn’s hair, making him laugh.

“I’m good, Al,” Finn said. “Really.”

Alex didn’t reply. He just sat on the edge of the bed and waited half a second for Finn to get the message before laying down. He hugging his little brother as hard as he dared. He felt Finn push into his hold, the same way he had at five when having a nightmare, at fourteen when Alex was leaving, at nineteen when everything seemed wrong, and everything seemed right, but Alex just couldn’t figure out what.

“Al,” Finn said. It was an awkward position, but he managed to get his good arm around Alex’s back. “Al, I’m fine, I promise. Even the doctor said—”

“Just let me,” Alex whispered hoarsely. “Just be quiet and let me fucking worry about you.”

Finn melted a little more against him. “Okay. All right.”

Alex couldn’t help the hitching sob that he let out against Finn’s shoulder, and he felt Finn’s fingers curl in his hair.

“It’s okay,” Finn whispered. “It’s okay…”

“You can’t do that to me,” Alex managed, fisting the sweatshirt against Finn’s back. “You can’t do that to me, you can’t…”

“I know, I know,” Finn said softly. “Al, I’m sorry. I love you, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize.” Alex sniffed and pressed a hard kiss to Finn’s temple. “You’re just like—you just didn’t move. And you’re my…”

“Al…” Finn turned on his a little more onto his good side so that his hand beneath Alex could pat at his back. Alex was probably crushing it but he didn’t care just then. “You’re gonna make me cry.”

“You’re my baby brother and I love you so much,” Alex said. “And I can’t protect you from anything.”

And maybe that was it. Harvard, Logan, hockey. If only they had talked about it.

“Stop,” Finn said when Alex turned his face into his sweatshirt. “Stop, yes you can. You always do.”

Alex made a sound that made them both laugh wetly.

“Were there words in there?” Finn asked.

“Not really.” The door opened, a quiet snick of a sound, and Alex whispered to Finn, “Thought Tremz was gonna kill me for keeping him—”

“Oh, my boys,” their mother’s voice said softly. Not Logan and Leo then. “Rams, honey, shut out that hallway light.”

The door closed again and Alex looked up in time to see his mom stroke a hand down Finn’s cheek.

“How are you, baby?”

Finn, his good hand trapped under Alex, just leaned into her palm. “I’m okay, mom. I promise.”

Haley just narrowed her eyes skeptically. “You’d say you were okay if there was an astroid hurdling towards you.” She turned to Alex, petting a hand through his hair. “Are you okay? My slightly older baby.”

Alex just kept his face half-hidden in Finn’s sweatshirt, glad for the dim light.

“We’ll be okay soon,” Finn said for him. “How’s that?”

“I guess good enough,” Ramsey said, and walked forward and put a hand on Finn’s knee. “Your boys are outside. Logan looks like he’s about to turn into the Hulk.”

“Aw shucks,” Finn smiled.

“Probably because he knows I’m in his spot,” Alex managed, and his mother gave him a knowing look at the sound of recently shed tears in his voice. Alex pushed himself up and looked down at Finn.

“My hand's asleep from your big butt,” Finn said.

Alex rolled his eyes, wiped at his cheeks, and stood.

“The doc just doesn’t want too many people in here,” Haley said. “We promised we’d take turns. Now, I’m gonna get you some water—or maybe something to eat?” She looked at Alex. “Honey, Nat and Kasey are in the waiting room, they said—”

“I… What? I told them they could go home,” Alex said.

Finn snorted, then groaned a little, closing his eyes. “As if they’d go anywhere without you.”

“Especially tonight,” Haley said, petting a hand through Finn’s hair again. “You’re burning up, baby.”

Alex looked towards the door, frowning. “Still. I said it was all right.”

“It’s always like this,” Finn said to his mom, then opened his eyes and looked at Alex. “Maybe they could see that it wasn’t all right.”

“It is,” Alex said. “They’re probably tired.”

“They know you need them right now.”

Haley looked between them for a moment. Alex met her eyes. He watched them drop to his chest and looked down to see that he was fiddling with Kasey’s diamond.

“You’re okay,” Alex said. He wiped at his face. “We’re fine. I’m fine.”

“Leo sees right through me all the time,” Finn said. “Think of it like that.”

“Well.” Haley sighed. “Why don’t I send him right in here, then,” She rose from the bed and put her arms around Alex. “So he can see through your okays just like you’re seeing through your brother’s.”

~

Logan was in the past, Leo could see it all over his face. There was no part of him actually in the hallway right then. He was back in the limbo that he and Finn went to sometimes. The spaces in between the hurt and the healing. The memories and the moments. All Leo could do was lean against the wall next to him and watch his face as they both listened to the faint murmurs of the O’Hara’s voices.

“He’s doing fine, sweetheart,” Leo said. “He’s just got his family in there, that’s all.”

“We’re his family.”

“Lo.”

“I know. Sorry.” Logan turned, pushing off the wall. He settled his hands under Leo’s sweatshirt on his hips. He tilted his head up to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw. “I’m just…”

Leo took Logan’s face in his hands, admiring the way his cheeks filled his palms. “Me too.”

“I’m glad we can be like this,” Logan whispered. “Here. Now. Under these stupid bright lights.”

Leo pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Yeah. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t hold you like this right now.” He looked over Logan’s head at the closed door. “I want to hold him right now.”

Logan closed his eyes and Leo couldn’t help but kiss his forehead again. His eyelids, then his nose. He pictured an eighteen year old Logan in a hospital like this one, waiting in the hallway. You’re his teammate? Family only for now, honey.

“Lo?”

Logan looked up at him.

“What was it like? The first time.”

Logan sighed and Leo moved his palms down to settle around his waist. “It’s…”

Logan blinked, and Leo watched him go to the past again. Far away. He tensed in his hold. Leo hated it, he hated everything about that look on Logan’s face, but he wanted to know. He needed to know. It had been so long since he felt behind the two of them. A strange feeling, left behind in the present while they went back to the past.

“Lo,” Leo whispered. “Please. I need to know—”

The door clicked open and Haley appeared first, turned back towards the bed and blowing a kiss with her hand. “We’ll see you tomorrow, baby, okay? Please rest.”

Leo had thought Finn would be asleep. Or groggy. Too exhausted to speak in something above a whisper. The sheer weight of worry on his back broke when he heard Finn’s laugh from inside the room. He felt Logan sway against him.

“Okay, Mom,” Finn’s voice came. “I love you guys.”

Haley turned and, even though she looked like she had been crying, she took in Leo and Logan, wrapped up together, and smiled. “He’s dying to see you two.”

~

“Usually its you who finds me down here.”

Remus stopped hard on his skates near the center of the synthetic ice, sweat shining in the  dim basement lights. Sirius had thought he was coming to bed. He had sat upstairs until he realized that there were no more sounds coming from the kitchen. Regulus was in his room. All that was left was the rink downstairs.

Sirius looked down, letting Remus take his time. Remus’ phone was on the edge of the boards. There was a video lighting up the screen. A press conference. Jack Archer. Sirius didn’t need to hit play. He’d seen it, but he hadn’t even needed to do that. They’d all heard him begging Leo in the hallway. It was an accident. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I thought he’d brace himself. It’s hockey—

“Whatever it was,” Remus said. “There was purpose behind it. That’s what I think.”

Sirius looked up. Remus had silently made his way over. He was wearing one of Sirius’ sweatshirts, thumb poking through a hole in one of the sleeves. He spun his stick before letting it drop to the ground with a clatter.

“Sounds like Leo does, too,” Remus said. “At least there are no secrets that need keeping this time. Not like it was with…”

Fenrir.

“Re,” Sirius said softly.

“It’s not about me,” Remus said. He pushed himself over the boards, one leg, then the other, but before he could touch the ground Sirius stepped between his dangling skates. He settled his hands on Remus’ hips to keep him in place.

Remus had his eyes on Sirius’ sweatshirt. It was from their Cup day. Rainbow taped sticks crossed over the Cup’s silhouette. “We should go to bed, we have a flight tomorrow. We have a game.”

“Not until you look at me,” Sirius said.

Remus widened his eyes, honey-colored in this light, and looked right at Sirius. “I am looking at you.”

“Re,” Sirius said.

Slowly, Remus’ face relaxed and he let his forehead drop forward onto Sirius’ shoulder.

“We lost.”

“We’re tied.” Sirius kissed Remus’ neck, then knelt in front of him. He set one skate on his thigh and began to undo the laces. “And you need to rest. We need you out there.”

Remus watched his hands work. He got through one skate and pulled it off gently, taking a moment to rub the arch of Remus’ foot, to dig his thumb around his ankle bones.

“Remember you doing this with my injury,” Sirius said. He drew off the tight compression sock and rubbed over the red lines it left behind in Remus’ skin. “I used to dream about it. About your hands.”

Remus’ smile was small. “Used to?”

Sirius reached forward and took one of Remus’ palms to kiss. “Don’t have to dream about it anymore, do I?”

He took to the other skate. Loosening the laces, easing it off.

“Did you hear anything more with Finn?” Remus asked. “Or Leo?”

“He’s doing okay, I talked to Natalie,” Sirius said. “And Leo…” I didn’t expect you to be happy. Sirius had only known one true love in his life, but he knew a troubled love when he saw one, easily. Jack was that. He and James had shared a look in the locker room. Should I go say we can hear them? Sirius had silently asked. James had shaken his head, meaning, I think that might make it worse.

“Sometimes, I wish it was just about the game,” Remus said softly when he was barefoot. “But it feels like so much more than that.”

Sirius rose and let Remus wrap his arms around his neck so he could ease him down from the boards. Remus locked their fingers together as they walked up the stairs.

“Would the game be the game if there wasn’t more to it than a ball and a stick?” Sirius shrugged. “I don’t think so.”

“I’ve been thinking about Kasey,” Remus said.

Sirius nodded. “Keep wondering when he’s going to tell the team.”

“Do you think about it?” Remus asked hesitantly. “What you would do…after?”

Sirius had never liked that word. After. He used to question its existence. His father had not settled into a good after. Retirement was never a word he used. There was always work to be done, always someone else who had wronged him, always another step to take.

Then again, his father had never gotten exactly what he wanted. Not in his career. Maybe in his wife, but Sirius would never know for sure. Not in his sons. Not in his legacy.

“I used to not be able to think about it,” Sirius said. They entered the kitchen and he went to the refrigerator to fill up a cup of water from the filter. “I thought my life would end.”

He slid the glass over to Remus and leaned against the counter beside him.

“Watching Finn go down, I thought about it,” Sirius said. “I mean, everyone thinks about it. It can be over in a second. All of it.” Sirius rubbed a thumb over Remus’ cheek. “I know I don’t have to tell you that.”

“It’s okay,” Remus said. He took a greedy drink, then smiled a little sheepishly, like he hadn’t realized how hard he had been skating.

“It used to terrify me.” Sirius smiled a little. “I wanted to play hockey forever, which I can’t do. I liked boys, who I couldn’t have. James was always going to have a family, and I would never be entirely a part of it. And James sometimes felt like the only thing I had, in the beginning days. Re, he and Lils…they took me on so many dates.”

Remus laughed and wrapped his arms around Sirius’ neck. “I remember. We could have been friends earlier, you know. If someone had been a little more…”

Sirius smiled into his kiss. “I was such an ass to you in the beginning.”

“Oh, I remember that, too.” Remus put on what, according to Thomas, was a perfect imitation of his frown, and gave a slightly French lilt to his words. “Oh, you’re an intern? Well, I’ll go to Moody then, but thanks.”

Sirius groaned and dropped his head to Remus’ shoulder. “Don’t remind me.”

Remus just laughed again and pressed a quick burst of kisses to his cheek. He shuffled closer until his bare feet were on top of Sirius’ socked ones. “It’s okay. You’ve done a pretty good job making up for it.”

Sirius rubbed a hand up and down his back slowly and felt Remus settle more against him. They were both tired, eyes closing, swaying in the kitchen.

“Don’t worry about Jack. Don’t watch that interview anymore, mon loup,” Sirius whispered. “Finn’s going to be okay.”

“Hm,” Remus said, then stepped back and took Sirius’ hands, pulling him towards the stairs. “Well. We’ll just have to kick their asses tomorrow night. Game five, baby. We’re two-two.”

Sirius let Remus lead him up to bed. He let Remus sink into his side as they brushed their teeth, and then spoon up against his back once they were under the covers. If this was what after looked like, part of him couldn’t wait.

~

Finn was sitting up. He pushed the hood of his sweatshirt back when he saw them and smiled. His red hair was soft and falling over his forehead, still sweaty from the game. Leo wanted to cry.

“Boys,” Finn sighed and patted the small space beside him on the bed with his good arm. “Don’t look at me like that. Come here.”

Logan all but collapsed at Finn’s side and Finn’s arm wound around him. Logan took Finn’s chin gently between his thumb and forefinger to steady his face. It looked like he was soaking in as much of that sweet brown color as he could. He was looking for the hurt.

“Don’t lie to me,” Logan whispered as Leo shut the door.

Finn stuck his tongue out until the tip of it touched Logan’s nose, then smiled. Logan didn’t pull away, didn’t even flinch and Finn did it again. Finn looked up at Leo, who was still standing by the door. “Le.”

Leo worried the inside of his lip. “I’ll hurt your shoulder on that side.”

Finn tapped his foot on the end of the bed, then spread his knees. It was a tight fit, but Leo managed to fold himself at the end of the bed. He took Finn’s legs and draped them around his hips, rubbing his thighs.

“Very sexy for a hospital,” Finn said. “Sexy thigh rubbing."

“How are you feeling?” Leo asked. Logan pushed his face into Finn’s neck and Leo and Finn smiled at each other. Finn closed his eyes at the feeling of Logan against him. “You’re guard dog missed you.”

“Don’t lie,” Logan mumbled.

Finn drummed his fingers over Logan’s spine. “Has a single lie come out of my mouth, baby?”

“No,” Leo said. “But we know you. The doctor said you were pretty…”

Finn raised an eyebrow. “She said I was pretty? Damn, she was pretty, too.”

Leo rolled his eyes, but secretly his chest was squeezing with relief. He hadn’t expected this Finn. Joking. He didn’t know if it was normal or because he was putting all of himself into masking the pain he was in.

“Pretty okay,” Leo pinched at his knee. “Is what I was going to say.”

“I am,” Finn said. “I mean, I know I’m on pain killers right now.”

“Yeah, you just licked Logan.”

Finn smiled and looked down until Logan peered out for a kiss. “He likes it. Don’t you, Lolo?”

Logan touched Finn’s fingers where they were poking out of his sling. “Does it hurt though?”

Finn sighed. “Yeah, of course it does. But it will be worse later so I’m hoping to enjoy right now when I don’t feel like my skull is going to fall apart.”

“Don’t say that.” Logan put his fingers to Finn’s lips.

Finn just kissed them. “Haven’t been in a bed this small in a while, hm, Lo?”

Logan’s brow creased. “Non…”

Leo watched them kiss, and he could see it. Harvard. Middle of the night. A terrified Logan, trying not to touch Finn and wanting nothing more than to help him. Leo thought he knew about Harvard, but sometimes when he saw them like this, he wasn’t sure he’d ever know anything at all.

“What about my sunshine?” Finn’s voice drew him out of his mind. Brown eyes, dim light. “Did he miss me?” 

Leo swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, he—” His voice broke and he rolled his eyes at himself when he felt a surprising tear escape.

“Aw, Le…” Finn’s brows knit together.

“Sorry, I’m just worried about you.”

Finn’s eyes were sympathetic, and he kept looking at him even as he kissed Logan’s forehead. “Shift change, Lo.”

Logan looked, Leo had to admit, a little reluctant, but he pushed himself up and leaned down for one more kiss.

“It’s okay, Lo, you can stay,” Leo said shakily.

“Non,” Logan said, and before Leo could move he pressed his hand to Leo’s thigh and kissed his cheek. “Just warming it up for you.”

It was warm. Finn tucked Leo right up against his chest. He smelled a little bit like the hospital, but if Leo pressed hard enough (and he did) there was Finn there, too. Logan took Leo’s place, settling on his stomach between Finn’s legs with his arms folded across Finn’s hips.

“Don’t cry, baby,” Finn whispered against Leo’s mouth. “Please don’t cry.”

“I love you,” Leo said thickly. “I’m sorry, I should be comforting you.”

“Shh,” Finn kissed him again, peppering them softly over his cheek. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“I’m gonna kill Jack,” Logan said.

“He didn’t do this to me, Lo,” Finn said softly. “It was a hit.”

“We don’t know that,” Logan said, chin against Finn’s chest. In any other situation, he would have looked adorable, feet half off the bed like that. But his green eyes were dark.

“Did you confront him?” Finn asked, eyes on Logan.

Logan rolled his eyes.

“Tremz,” Finn said warningly. “You could get in serious trouble—”

“I broke my helmet,” Logan said. “I didn’t break him.”

Leo felt Finn’s hand tighten around his shoulders. “Logan.”

Leo pressed harder against Finn, watching them.

“I’m right,” Logan pushed himself up, hands on Finn’s hips. Any other time, he would have raised his voice, but he kept it soft in the dark room. Leo still thought he felt Finn wince. “He did this. Finn, he did this to you—”

“I did this,” Leo whispered.

It felt like even the machines beeping around them paused. Leo couldn’t see Finn’s face well, but Logan’s eyes snapped right to his. Leo just turned his face into Finn’s chest and let himself break.

~

Leo cursed the position of goalie, for once in his life, as he fumbled through the endless straps and buckles of his cumbersome equipment. It didn’t help that his fingers were shaking. Alex, holding Finn’s head on the ice. I’m fine. I’m fine, Le. Deadening silence and collective gasps. Logan, skating hard to catch up and—

Jack. Jack, Jack, Jack—

Leo’s jersey got caught on part of his padding, and it was as good as someone trying to hold him back. Irrational, pure rage fired through his chest and he yanked the fabric hard over his head, ripped at the the velcro of his chest pad. Some part of his mind registered how quiet the Lions locker room was around him. Some part of his mind knew how hard he was breathing, that the motion of tearing off his jersey had slammed his knuckles into his stall on accident. A bruise, probably, would form. But he couldn’t feel anything. He pulled at the laces of his skates, watching his hands shake.

“Leo…”

Kasey’s voice. Leo could hardly hear that, either.

Finn on the ice. So still. One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand, four, five—

His pads were splayed out in front of him, around him on the ground. Finn’s stall was empty, and beside it Leo looked for green eyes and Logan and found Kota instead, quiet, not sure what to do. A new shot of anger. Logan, traded. Who would ever do that? Logan had won them a Cup, he was theirs, he was a Lion, Logan was his, he should be here.

“Le, it’s gonna be okay,” Kasey said softly, helping Leo ease the rest of his equipment off with expert, steady hands. “Let me help, okay?”

Jack. Jack. Hey, Le, look, good for you that you never had to feel scared—

Finally, it was all off of him. He didn’t feel any lighter. He locked eyes with Kasey for a long moment. Kasey, against his words, looked as scared as Leo felt. Leo yanked on a pair of sweatpants, didn’t bother to change out of his sweat-soaked shirt, and ran.

He made it five paces before meeting Jack.

Wide-eyes. Sweaty hair, still half in his gear. Even with his skates on, Leo was taller. Leo looked for bruises, blood, something to show him that Logan had gotten to him first. Nothing.

“Leo,” Jack said.

That look on his face. Leo was back in eleventh grade and he’d said something wrong, he’d said something when they were somewhere too bright, too crowded, Leo, what the fuck, what are you doing—

Jack put his hands up. Surrender. As if he even had that right. “Leo.”

Leo hadn’t realized that he had frozen to the spot. Not until Jack started walking forward. Not until he said his name again. Leo, stop it. God, it can’t always be like that. Okay? Shaking his hands off. Stop.

“Leo—”

“No,” Leo said. “No.”

Jack blinked once, again, swallowed hard. “Le…”

“Get out of my way.”

“No—”

“Get out of my way.” He shoved Jack in the chest hard, and when it didn’t feel like enough to watch him stumble backwards, he did it again. Jack just stared at him, bracing himself against the wall. Leo snapped all over again. If those first words had hurt his throat, his next ones tore at him. They were laced with the throb of tears, unshed. He shoved Jack hard a third time and watched the way he winced. “What is—What the hell is wrong with you?”

“No, no,” Jack whispered. “Please, you don’t understand—”

Leo didn’t recognized the sound of pure frustration he made. He wanted to bring something down, Jack, the wall, this entire building.

“What is wrong with you?” he shouted again.

“It was an accident,” Jack said. “He had—” Jack closed his eyes. “I wasn’t—He just folded, he fucking folded, how was I supposed to know? This is hockey.”

“That wasn’t hockey. Finn has a concussion.” Leo wasn’t sure how he knew, but he knew. “This is his third. Did you know that? Did you stop to think about that?”

Jack put a hand over his eyes. “No. No, I—”

“Do you know what three concussions can do to a person? Did you think about that before you fucking snapped and shoved his head into the boards?”

“C’mon, I…” Jack sounded close to tears, too. “C’mon, Le, that’s not what happened, please—”

“If you’re angry at me,” Leo shouted, “takeit out on me.”

“I’m not angry at you,” Jack roared back.

Leo curled his hands into fists. “You think I don’t know that? I didn’t do anything.”

Jack didn’t react like Leo thought he would. Leo waited for him to explode back at him again. He almost wanted it. He wanted to get this over with. Finn needed him. He needed Finn. He needed Logan’s hand on his back, Finn letting them take him home. He needed to see Finn safe and okay and not still and pale out on the ice.

Instead, Jack sagged in front of him in the hallway. He looked up at Leo, cheeks and neck red. “Le.”

“Don’t waste my fucking time,” Leo said. “I’m done. I’m so fucking done with you.”

“I,” Jack began. “I didn’t mean to.”

“What did you mean?” Leo said. “For once in your life, why don’t you tell me what you actually meant. Because, honest to God, I don’t think I’ve ever known. Because I’m not here to clean up your messes anymore. I’m not here to make you feel better about yourself, or to tell you its okay. I broke that habit a long time ago.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Jack said again.

“What did you mean?”

“I don’t know. I…It’s hockey, you just snap sometimes, it’s adrenaline, it’s—it’s the game. I went too far, I know that, but he’s…he’s…”

“He’s what?” Leo shouted. “What, what, what, speak or get out of my way.”

“He’s happy.”

Leo pressed his hand over his eyes. “God, I’m going to kill you. I’m going to fucking kill you, I don’t even know—how to respond to that. Get out of my way.”

Leo pushed through him, but Jack grabbed his hand.

“I didn’t expect you to be happy,” he said, and Leo froze all over again.

He tried, for a moment, to remember if he’d been happy when Jack was in his life. Or, if he’d only thought he was. His childhood bedroom, dark, Jack flinching at every sound from the larger house. Jack’s skin touching his, and Leo thinking that he would do anything, panicking over how much he could do to keep them this way for as long as possible. To make Jack give him a smile when it was all over.

Finn, hurting now but always soft and grinning on the pillows. C’mere. Come here, baby. Logan, leaning over him, thumb against his lip. Let’s stay up all night. Leo, smiling, why? Logan, leaning down for a kiss. I wanna keep looking at you.

“But you are,” Jack whispered. “You’rehappy, and it…Fuck. It falls off of you three like…like something you can see.”

Slowly, Leo turned. He pulled his hand out of Jack’s and close to his chest, cradling it like it was broken.

“So you hit him?” Leo asked, voice breaking.

“I got…it all got tangled. Logan hates me. Finn hates me. Alex, Percy, Will, even Luke…”

“You hardly even know them.”

“You hate me.”

“I don’t.”

Jack took a long time before shaking his head. “You do.”

“Jack. I hate what you did to me I hate how you treated me.” Leo took a breath. “I don’t think about you enough to hate you.”

Leo turned and gave himself the pleasure-pain of being the one to walk away first.

~

“Le,” Finn whispered. Leo could tell he was looking at Logan, probably wide-eyed, but he didn’t dare move from his place hiding against Finn. He heard him mouth softly to Logan, Happy? What the fuck?

“Leo,” Finn said again. “Leo.”

Logan was scrambling up from his place in a moment. He squeezed himself to sit on the very edge of the bed against Leo’s back. Leo felt him lean over him and pull at his sweatshirt.

“Leo,” Logan whispered. “Non. Non, non…”

Leo let out an ugly sound and clutched Finn closer.

“Baby,” Finn said. “Look at me.” He went to reach with his bad arm and hissed in pain. “Look at me. This isn’t your fault. Oh my God, Le, this isn’t your fault, baby.”

He felt Logan curl his body over his, felt his nose press against his jaw. He pulled until Leo sat up, but when he tried to wrap him in his arms, Leo stood.

“It’s true,” Leo said. “Hockey does tangle with everything else.” He stood, looking at them sitting side by side on the bed. “And I know that because Logan wants to kill Jack for what he did, and so do I. Think of—Fenrir and Remus.” Remus’ career almost ended, just for a number on a ranking board. “Or Regulus and Sirius.” Feuding over family nonsense. Jack. Jack, Jack. “Things…unravel. And they come out on the ice.”

“That doesn’t make you responsible,” Finn said. He had a bright flush to his cheeks. He was leaning back into his pillows more.

“Jack came for you because of me,” Leo said.

“Leo,” Finn said softly. He lay back on the bed, hand to his forehead. He closed his eyes. “No, baby, you…” He trailed off.

“Finn?” Logan whispered. His attention was pulled away from Leo and he leaned over Finn. He put a hand to his cheek. “Oh.” He reached for the cup at Finn’s bedside and, instead of holding it to Finn’s mouth like Leo had expected it to, he dipped his fingers into the cool water before running them through Finn’s hair. Finn let out a relieved sound. “Just rest, Rouge. Let’s get you home.”

Leo held his breath. He felt stupid. So stupid, standing there. Talking about himself. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and watched Logan press feather-light kisses to Finn’s face.

“Mon rouge, just sleep. We’ll check out and we’ll go home. We’ll go home.”

“Leo,” Finn mumbled, eyes closed.

“No,” Leo heard himself say. “No, never mind.” He moved towards the door and felt Logan’s eyes follow him.

“Soleil,” Logan began to say.

“I’ll take care of the paperwork,” Leo said, and pushed out the door.

[babygirlbenji]

I Still Love You - Mason Mount

A/N: This is a long-awaited part 2 to Last Train To London which you can read here! I worked really hard on it and I hope it lives up to expectations. Enjoy!

Warnings: mild angst, mild swearing, fluff

WC: 2.8k

When your train pulled into London King’s Cross, Ben was there, as promised, to pick you up with a McDonald’s meal. He took you under his wing, and let you stay at his place for the night.

‘Make yourself comfortable, sweets, and please know you can stay here as long as you need.’ You knew you had an offer from Sophia and Kai to crash at their place until you got back on your feet, but you didn’t want to intrude on their space. 

‘I might take you up on that offer, Ben, thank you.’ He showed you around his place, making sure you knew where everything was in case you couldn’t sleep, let you have free rein of the fridge, freezer and cupboards, and even let Oscar the dog stay in your room, which Oscar was more than happy to oblige. 

‘I think that’s everything. If you need me, text me, okay? I’m right here.’ You shuffled over to him and wrapped your arms around his torso to give him a hug you’d needed for weeks at that point. He rubbed your back affectionately. He was like a big brother to you, and you were more grateful than you could ever put into words for his support.

You had expected that night to have been sleepless and anxious, but you were simply too exhausted, both mentally and physically, that by the time you changed into your pyjamas, brushed your teeth and climbed into bed, your eyes were drooping already. Oscar jumped onto the bed and turned around a couple of times, making a nice little den in the blanket for him to snuggle up next to you in. You reached out to fiddle with his curly fur. The dog was like a weighted blanket, reassuring you that you were safe and you were okay. Before you knew it, you were fast asleep.

As the days, weeks and months rolled by, you could feel yourself slowly healing. Ben, Reece and the rest of the Chelsea boys, along with Kai and Jorgi over at Arsenal (they were still very much part of the inner circle), stood stoically beside you every step of the way. You had initially distanced yourself from Stamford Bridge for the first couple of months, the memories you had made there with Mason all too painful, but you gradually made your way back into the hallowed halls of the iconic stadium. You attended matches whenever you could, and started to wear CHILWELL 21 shirts to matches. 

This had not gone unnoticed by fans. They had quickly cottoned on to the fact that you had gone back to London and Mason was still in Manchester. The gossip websites were in full swing, linking you and Ben together and writing spiteful articles about how you were a gold-digger, how you hopped from one football player to another, how it was your fault that your relationship had ended… You never minded, though. You continued on your healing journey and went about your daily business. You had secured a well-paying job back in London as an events planner in Soho, and had managed to find a nice little studio flat not too far from your office. Ben had insisted he buy you a new car, as you had sold your car up in Manchester to help bring some money in to pay for the flat deposit. Your life was most definitely on the up, and it would take a gigantic storm to blow you off course.

That gigantic storm came about a year after you moved back to London. You had your routine, you were solid in your job and you met up with Ben and the boys regularly. 

One such outing in Knightsbridge, Ben pulled you aside to have a chat.

‘What’s up, Benji?’ The nickname you had for him was one only you could use. He hated being called Benji by everyone, but you were basically his little sister. In his eyes, you could get away with murder.

‘Well, um…’ His face told you he had information he would rather not give you, but felt it was his moral obligation to do so anyway.

‘Come on, Ben, out with it!’

‘Declan’s invited me and Mason to his birthday party, and he’s invited you, too.’ His words sent a chill down your spine. You hadn’t spoken to or about Mason in months, although that hadn’t stopped you from thinking about him every day. Thinking about what could have been, thinking about the ‘what ifs’, thinking about what you could have done to make him stay in love with you. You were brought back to earth by Ben putting a gentle hand on your shoulder. ‘You don’t have to decide just yet, but the offer is there if you did want to go. It would be great to have you there.’ He gave you a quick hug, before he went back to join the rest of the group to have drinks, leaving you with your thoughts and a large decision to make. While you would love to celebrate Declan with your friends, you hadn’t seen or heard from Mason in a year. The awkwardness was what worried you the most, along with the possibility of all the emotions coming back if you did end up running into him. Because deep down, in your heart, you knew that you still loved him. He was the absolute love of your life, and you couldn’t help but feel that he was your one that got away. You realised then just how much you missed him. 

The night had swiftly come to an end for you, so you messaged Ben to let him know that you were on your way home and that you’d see him soon. 

Benjamin: No worries J  text me when you get home, and let me know if you’re coming to Dec’s birthday bash. We’d love to have you but I know you’ll have to decide. LOVE YA X

It was safe to say you didn’t get much sleep that night. You were awake for hours, tossing and turning, thinking about what Ben had said. It would be great to go and show up for Declan. He’d been there for you through everything, even with Lauren giving birth to little Jude. They had both made space for you in their busy lives with a new-born, and you couldn’t have been more grateful. Before you could stop yourself, you sent a message to Ben:

To: Benjamin: Been thinking about it all night. Sorry for the late message, I figured I needed to say it before I think about it more lol. I’ll be at Dec’s party x

You rolled over onto your side. There was no turning back now. 

The day of the party arrived. Your room was a mess, dresses and shoes strewn across the floor. You wanted to find the perfect outfit for a party, which would show that you cared to make an effort but not too much effort, on the off chance you would see Mason. 

Your eyes fell upon a navy blue bodycon dress that you had worn a couple of times before. It came down to your mid-thigh and had a neckline that did your bust some considerable favours. Finally feeling more positive about what you were wearing, having started to feel like you were going to have a breakdown about not being able to find anything appropriate to wear, you shoved on a pair of simple black heels and touched up your makeup. There was a knock at your door. Checking your phone, the time was 7:30; Ben was picking you up and he had arrived bang on time. 

‘Coming!’ Your voice carried into the hall as you opened the door to find Ben, who was wearing a smart navy-blue button down with black slacks. Your mind briefly registered the fact that the colour of his shirt was basically a direct match to your dress.

‘Hey, you,’ he smiled, leaning in to give you a hug. Your senses were temporarily hazy by his cologne, which you painfully recalled as one that Mason had recommended to him as you had liked it on Mason. On Ben, though, it didn’t have the same knee-weakening effect as it had done for you when Mason wore it. ‘You good?’ He had obviously taken your quietness as nervousness.

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m good. You?’ He nodded. You could tell he was searching your face for any signs of discomfort, of not wanting to go, of being terrified of seeing Mason. 

‘All good. Mostly just worried about you.’ You shrugged.

‘I’ll be fine. Got my wingman, I’ll be okay.’ You shared a laugh as you walked downstairs to where he had a car waiting. He held the door open for you, letting you slide in with him following you. 

You and Ben spent the journey talking about your days and what you’d got up to, how your job was going, what antics he and the boys got up to at training and other small talk. He didn’t want to say anything, as he could tell you were nervous enough as it was, but he knew you well enough to know that you missed Mason almost as much as Mason missed you. You were quiet, reserved, not your usual bubbly self. If you were being completely honest with yourself, you hadn’t been your usual bubbly self since the breakup. Ben knew you loved Mason, but he never thought the breakup would impact you as much as it did. 

 Before long, the car pulled up at Declan’s house. The nerves in the pit of your stomach started doing backflips as you went up to the front door. Loud bass was audible through the walls, and you could tell there was a large crowd already, even though it was early by most people’s standards. You just wanted to stay for a couple of hours at the most before quietly leaving, all ideally without seeing Mason. 

That plan quickly went out the window when Declan opened the door, arm in arm with Mason. 

‘Hey guys! Oh…’ Declan’s wide grin disappeared the minute he saw it was you and Ben, clearly thinking you were someone else. The awkwardness was palpable. ‘Hey Y/N, Ben, glad you guys could make it!’ Dec brought you in for a hug, whispering an ‘I’m so sorry’ in your ear as he did so. 

‘Don’t worry,’ you replied in an equally quiet voice, hoping he could hear you over the music. The squeeze he gave you told you he had heard you. 

You avoided Mason’s eyes completely as Ben and Declan caught up, Ben asking about life at Arsenal and how Declan was finding his new club. 

‘I’m gonna get a drink, did you want anything?’ You asked Ben at a break in the conversation. Mason’s eyes raked over you as you got close to Ben, one of your hands absent-mindedly on his arm. Jealousy raged in his stomach. 

‘Just a beer, please, gorgeous,’ Ben replied. His usual pet-name for you was innocuous for the both of you, but took on a whole new meaning in Mason’s head. Why was he calling you gorgeous? Why were you touching him? Were the tabloids correct? Had you gone for his former teammate in the wake of the breakup? Mason’s head was reeling. 

You handed Ben his drink and wandered off to mingle with some of the Arsenal WAGS, introducing yourself to Martin Ødegaard’s new girlfriend and giving Milly, Ben White’s new wife, a big hug to congratulate her, as you hadn’t been able to attend the wedding. 

Neither Declan or Ben missed the fact that Mason’s eyes rarely left your form for more than a few seconds as he watched you chat and catch up with some old friends. 

‘How are you, Mase, United treating you well?’ Ben asked conversationally. 

‘Yeah, ‘s alright.’ Eyebrows were raised at Mason’s curt tone. Ben and Declan exchanged confused glances, before leaving Mason to his thoughts and continuing into the party to see some of the other guys who had made an appearance. Mason was left with his thoughts as he stood and pondered his next move. 

As he was doing so, he saw you excuse yourself from the small throng of people to head to the kitchen to scope out the buffet. He seized his opportunity and followed you into the kitchen.

What he couldn’t have known was that instead of grabbing something to eat, you were having to physically stop yourself from having a full-blown panic attack. Gripping the counter with your hands and keeping your head bowed, you focused on keeping your breathing deep. 

You had no idea how many minutes had passed, but an all-to-familiar voice brought you back to earth with an almighty bump.

‘Y/N? You okay?’ You turned, and before you knew it, you were face-to-face with the person you never thought you’d see again. ‘Y/N?’ he asked again.

‘Y-yeah, I’m okay.’ You had suffered with anxiety and panic attacks throughout your relationship, and Mason had always known how to help you. 

‘You sure?’ A deep, shaky breath rattled through your body. You both knew the after-effects of the panic attack were the worst part of it all. You would feel exhausted, ashamed, guilty… But he had always been there to help you through it all. He would offer you cuddles, a listening ear, a movie, whatever you needed. 

Things were so different now, though. There was a rift the size of the Atlantic Ocean between you, and you didn’t know how to get across it. 

‘Let’s get you somewhere quiet, come on.’ He hesitated, before holding out his hand for you to hold. ‘You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.’ But you realised you wanted to. You needed him, you needed his touch, his hold. You reached out and grabbed his hand, immediately feeling like you had been connected with the earth again. 

He led you upstairs to one of the far guest rooms, opened the door and followed you in. You took a seat on the bed, fiddling with your hands in your lap. He sat on the floor in front of you, eyeing you carefully. 

‘You sure you’re okay?’ You sighed. A big, deep sigh. Now that you had him in front of you, the questions you’d held in for a year were threatening to spill over. 

‘Can I ask you something?’ The look on his face suggested that he knew what you were going to ask, but he nodded, all the same. ‘Why did you stop putting effort into our relationship? You always said that I was the love of your life, that I was it for you… what happened? What happened to us?’ He sighed, similar to how you had sighed earlier.

‘Honestly, Y/N, I don’t have a good reason. I wish I did, believe me, but I don’t. The media scrutiny, the fans giving me shit on social media, the move, everything to do with it, it all just got to me. I pushed you away without even realising and for that, I will never be able to apologise enough.’ You pondered his answer, and then debated asking a question you had longed to know the answer to since the day you left but were too scared to know the answer to. 

Before you could ask it, though, Mason spoke up. ‘Are you seeing Ben?’ The gravity of his question made you pause. 

‘What?’ 

‘Are you and Ben, you know, a thing?’ You shook your head.

‘No. He’s like a brother to me, Mase, you know that. All the boys are. When I met you, you gave me a whole new family I could only have dreamed of.’ Your eyes met again. His eyes hadn’t changed a bit. They were still the deep chocolate brown you’d found home in for all those years. 

You climbed down from the bed and sat with your back to the bed. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to figure out how to ask the question you were starting to crave the answer to. You felt like the answer to it was yes, but you needed to be sure. Finally, you decided to just go for it.

‘Do you… do you still love me?’ The look on his face said it all. He was looking at you like he had never seen you before, as if you were the only woman in the entire world. And to him, you were. You were everything to him and he would be forever kicking himself for ever making you feel like you weren't. He scooted forward to crouch in front of you before gently holding your face with both hands. 

‘Y/N Y/LN, of course I still love you. And if you’ll have me, I’ll spend the rest of my days loving and cherishing you the way you deserve. The way I should have shown you from day one.’ Your eyes brimmed with tears as you looked at the man who had your heart. 

‘Of course, I’ll have you.’ You sat up and collapsed into his arms, finally feeling that you were home once again.