#and end up falling to their own demise. yay

[immortal-cataclysm]

apologies for not arting as much folks. have two silly spiders as recompense

[jinkicake]

Washing His Hair

Diluc, Kaeya, Tighnari, Xiao x Reader

A/N: I was tots excited to write this bc i wanted fluff,, happy belated birthday to tighnari (whats your name b.o.b so they calling you bob) yay bath time!

WC - 2k~

~~~

Diluc R.

Diluc is exhausted, it may not show because of his extreme dedication to maintaining a pleasant facade but, you know better. 

It’s why you wordlessly drag him to the bathroom in the early afternoon, forcing him to sit on the rim of the bathtub as you bend down to place the stopper in it. He silently watches you as you begin to fill the tub with water and sprinkle in a few aromatic flower petals. 

The way you treat him with such kindness baffles him. 

You kiss the corner of his eyes while removing his jacket, you cup his chin softly while easily pulling the ribbon out from his hair. There is a gentle side to your touch as you remove his gloves and kiss each of his rugged knuckles like they haven’t ended countless lives before. 

The man doesn’t understand how any of the archons could have blessed him with such a miracle. Your kindness shines through each of your actions and, for the briefest moment, it physically hurts Diluc. How could he ever measure up to someone who is worthy of your love and affection?

“Come on, get in the tub,” You gently pat the tops of his bare thighs and the action snaps Diluc from his internal demise. He blinks at you before doing as you ask, he lets you direct his body exactly as you want in the small porcelain space. “relax, Diluc.” 

With his hands resting on the rim of the bathtub, chest fully on display and out of the water, you reach over to grab his hand. You offer him a gentle smile before squeezing his hand in your own. 

Diluc can’t meet your own eyes as internal shame begins to creep up his throat, suffocating him. 

He doesn’t see the way your face drops or how you roll your eyes before grabbing one of the nice shampoos from Liyue off the counter (one he got especially for you). You place the container in his hand before grabbing a small bucket from the shower to wet his hair. 

Diluc continues to remain silent as you begin to work through his thick fiery locks. 

“Remember this?” The shampoo becomes his main focus as you grab it, holding it up before placing some of the substance in your hands. “You got it for me because the seller said it works great with thick hair,” 

Must you remember that? Diluc all but turns red as embarrassment flushes his cheeks, he doesn’t need a reminder of how rotten he spoils you. 

“We both have thick hair so we can share it, okay?” You place a kiss against his temple before bringing your hands up to his scalp, the immediate pleasure that your fingertips bring makes Diluc grip the edge of the tub. “You’re always so kind to me, but sometimes I want to spoil you.” 

At this, Diluc finally meets your eyes and uncertainty swims in his bright iris.

Any fear in his heart is squashed by the love pooling in your own eyes. 

“Won’t you let me?"

Kaeya A.

“Kaeya,” 

In such a blissful state, being surrounded by hot water, Kaeya can only let out a hum of contentment at your lovely voice. 

“Stop staring already.” 

He has to tear his eyes away from your soft body, beautifully crafted by each of the archons, to meet your hard glare. The frown on your lips and stubborn furrow of your brows makes his heart skip a beat. There is nothing more that the cavalry captain loves than sharing a bath with you. 

Even when you try to waterboard him by pouring a bucket of water over his head. 

“Angel-” Kaeya sighs before moving his large body, too big for the tub, so that he can rest against your chest instead of staring at it. His fruitful efforts are followed by a splash as water escapes the edges of the tub and falls onto the marble floor. 

“You’re cleaning that up,” You scold as your husband closes his eyes once again, resting his head against your shoulder. He has to bite the inside of his cheek to hide the shiver of pleasure that runs down his spine as your hands run over his shoulders. Your touch is gentle and delicate, lighting dancing across his smooth skin before dipping towards the front of his body. You tease him by sneakily running your fingertips along his chest, tracing random patterns solely to get a rise out of him. 

Just when Kaeya opens his mouth to say something, to insinuate that you should further lowering your hands, you instead reach for his head. He doesn’t open his eyes but he hears the light pop of a bottle and the puff of air that comes from it as you squeeze the container. There’s a wet noise that comes with the way you rub your hands together, causing the shampoo to soap up before you bring your hands to his scalp. 

Kaeya nearly moans at the feeling of your fingertips massaging the top of his head, he falls limp into your hold and completely relaxes into your touch. 

“My star, I adore you,” He groans as your talented fingers continue to knead circles against the root of his hair. The delightful feeling of your lips against his ear graces him and nearly causes Kaeya to gasp.

“Mhm, I know,” The soft kiss you leave against his jaw makes his heart clench painfully, it’s as if the worship he dedicates to you is finally starting to show. If you understand this mere fraction of love he has for you then Kaeya will continue working to make sure you see it all in its glory. 

Warm water runs over his face as you cup your hands and rinse the shampoo out of his hair. The suds fall all around him and Kaeya continues to keep his eyes closed until you finish. You reach for another bottle now and choose to condition the ends of his hair, forcing him to sit up in the tub after placing a kiss on the back of his neck. The man internally sighs. 

Being pampered by you is something Kaeya will never take for granted. 

Tighnari 

Whenever Tighnari has to suffer the bitter fate of being separated from you, he promises his return with a gift. He likes to pick flowers that are native to the area he is exploring, flowers that match your beauty and ones that you will be sure to like. Oftentimes, he brings back pieces of nature with him but this time he decided to repurpose what he found for you. 

Locals told him of the secrets that salt possesses, if combined with the right ingredients it could be turned into a substance used while soaking. 

Tighnari knew you would love to try it. 

He placed the pebbles in a wooden box and locked it for safekeeping until giving it to you. And just like he predicted, your face lit up upon sight of it. 

“Oh, what is it?” The sweet aromatic scent grew heavier as you toyed with the tiny rocks against your fingers. 

“Salt, it’s for the bath,” Tighnari can only watch as you immediately get up and head for your bathroom. Seconds after, he hears the sound of the faucet and the sweet call of his name.

“Come on, let’s take a bath together!” It doesn’t surprise the forest ranger to see your pants discarded on the floor, all that you’re left in is one of his shirts as you impatiently wait for the tub to fill up.

“Put a little bit of the salt in there,” Tighnari reaches around you to pick up a few of the pebbles and scatter them into the water. Not a second goes by before you mimic him and do the same. His large hand guides your own to sprinkle in more until he grabs the box and closes it. Tighnari places it on your counter before removing a few layers of his own clothing. 

“I’m getting in now.” You don’t wait for him or for the water to finish rising before you get into the bathtub. The liquid sits just below your chest and you cup some of it with sincere fascination as you bring it up to your face. “It smells so good, Tighnari!”

He’s quick to join you and sits on the opposite end of the small space, making sure that you’re both facing each other. 

“You brought more of the oils too, right?” At the chance of seeing such a hopeful look on your face, how could Tighnari not? “Thank you!” His nod causes you to squeal and at the sight of the tiny bottles, you lean forward to kiss the tip of his nose. It’s a sweet action that causes his ears to relax downward, folding over at the shower of your praise. 

Tighnari only hopes his tail doesn’t create too much tension against the water as it thumps against your tub. The new feeling of your hands in his hair always makes the ranger happier than anything. He lives for your delicate touch, how your fingers comb through his hair and avoid his sensitive ears perfectly. 

Although he’ll never say it, he adores having you wash his hair. 

Xiao

“I can wash my own hair,” Xiao softly grumbles but, makes no effort to swat your hands away. He doesn’t move a single inch and continues to sit perfectly still while you continue to gently tug at his hair. 

Sometime during his travels, Xiao came across a vacant hot spring and it quickly became one of his favorite spots in Liyue. Not because he enjoys the relaxation but for the sole reason of how your face lights up every time you step in the bath. 

The chilly outside air pairs perfectly with the hot water and you make a point to sit on the stone outside of the tub to get the best of both features. 

From where he rests in the water with his arms crossed over his chest, Xiao moves each time you tilt him back to rinse the shampoo from his hair. 

“I think I’ll shampoo you twice today,” Your quiet hum makes Xiao slowly open one of his eyes as he turns to look at you. His subtle side-eye makes you laugh. “your hair is thick and I want to make sure it’s all clean.” 

All it takes is a simple peck against his cheek to get Xiao to tilt his head back and give you full reigns to his scalp. Right now, it would be a waste for the adeptus to not look at the open night sky. His dim eyes look over the stars, connecting each one while your presence calms the ongoing torture within his soul. When you’re near, not even the most powerful presence of his karmic debt could bother him. 

“Tilt,” You place your fingers under his jaw to lean his head back and rinse his hair once again. Xiao waits patiently to finish before he stands up from the hot spring and sits beside you on the stone. “wait, I’m not done yet.”

“You’re not?” Xiao watches curiously as you grab another bottle from your bag, like before, you place the substance in your hands before distributing the product along your fingers. You reach up and lather the ends of Xiao’s hair, focusing on the two long strands framing his face. After, you grab a comb. 

The assortment of toiletries you brought tonight makes Xiao want to laugh. 

“I have to condition your hair,” Your voice is soft as you concentrate on combing his hair and once you’re happy with the results, you rinse off your hands and slide back into the hot water. “now we wait.” There’s a content look on your face as you place your head in his lap and stare up at the night sky. 

Well, you would be looking at the starry sky if not for the adeptus looking over you. 

“Wait for what?” Xiao stares intently down at you as some of his conditioner falls in droplets against your face. You immediately reach up and push his head away so that he sits up straight. 

“We have to wait for the conditioner to condition before I can rinse it out.”

Xiao just softly sighs, he couldn’t understand you even if he wanted to.

[itonashi]

NEVER the SAME

SUMMARY : Known around the world — a genius scientist named [Name][Last Name]. Everyone sought to be her as she was deemed perfect. A young prodigy that managed to climb up the ranks alongside her friends. She met her demise at the age of 35. It shook the world. Tears fall because of her. Will there be another her?

PAIRING : aquamarine hoshino x fem!reader

WARNINGS : implied deaths, stalking, drugs, slow burn romance, more will be added.

ARTICLE

THE FAMOUS CHILD ACTOR [NAME] YOSHINO SHOW HER GENIUS MIND IN A REALITY SHOW!

[Name] Yoshino got a mind that's an adult and make her way through the reality show. Making a name for herself 'The Child Who Can Ace Anything' . The child actor have become viral through her personality and talent. Her parent claimed that they are open to let their child go their own path in the future.

What will [Name] Yoshino show more about her talent in the future?

"An article about me..." You mumble while mindlessly eating the dessert that was given to you as reward by your mother. After the released of the episode reality show you were in, you got an article written for you.

'Well, it's only fair they do that for me.'

Your eyes were locked at the tv when suddenly your mother picked you up "[Nickname], do you like idol?" She said with a smile. "Idol?" You mumble the word while looking at your mother's eye. She looked at you dead straight in the eye, waiting for you to answer her question.

"Yes, I do like idols." Her eyes lit up and she snuggle you while squealing. Does she want you to be an idol? It seems so. That crushed dream of yours were never fulfilled as you were busy researching and helping the world. That's right, being an idol was one of your dream.

It's a shame you couldn't be that.

"You think too highly of me, [Name]. My era already ended. There will be no Diva Eden anymore. Who knows? Maybe it will be you this time." Eden, one of your friend in the world organization. She was the brightest star but it all ended. She muttered those word with a tint of sadness.

"I'm just a scientist."

"Do you want to be an idol?"

"Yes."

"Yay! I love you so much, my dear [Nickname]! I'll put in good word for you at a biiiiggg company!"

Was being an idol my mother's wish before? If it is for her. I could do it. After all, the reason I became a scientist at my past life was because I cared too much about promises and wishes — but, I don't care in the slightest. If I can top the world, then so be it.

Let's just fast forward to high school, shall we?

You're in your third year of Yoto Highschool and it has been three years you've become an idol. A soloist specifically. You got into a big company so it was natural you straight up turn popular when you debuted.

What people didn't understand was why did you choose the general program? You are an idol. The reason was you thought that you should balance it out. Being an idol is already tiring enough when people want you to act in a show too.

"Yoshino!" A male voice called out to you in a hurry. You faced him and tilt your head "What's wrong, Masaru?" He stopped infront of you and took a breath "Explain this." He hold up his phone up your face that you had to lean back.

ARTICLE

DOES SOLOIST [STAGE NAME] HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MASARU AOI FROM THE IDOL GROUP X1?

People said they were seen a lot together at school. Students from there speculate they could be dating with how much they're together. Even in music shows they could be seen interacting.

"I don't know anything about this." You said with a neutral tone. "I'll make a live today to clear out this misunderstand and you should too." You added while looking at him straight in the eyes, he nod and stuff back his phone into his pocket.

"Then, I suggest we don't meet eachother as much."

"You're the one who kept 'bumping' into me. You're literally in the performing arts program."

"Geh! I'm sorry."

"I'll be going now."

Kana Arima was showing the twin around the school like that... To be honest, I don't what she was doing but you get the point.

She also pointed out some people from the performing arts program on who they are.

"That one is an actor."

"Those two are from a big idol group."

Something like that, of course she couldn't miss on one person that's practically more famous than her. She just had to point out that [Name] Yoshino was in the same school as them.

"And that big crowds of people looking at someone is [Name] Yoshino's fanclub. Are you surprised that someone like her is here? Well, you better be!"

"Welcome to Yoto Highschool! Oh, just a reminder that [Name] is on the general department." Kana Arima reminded the twin. To be honest, the twin wasn't surprised that [Name] was here. I mean, it was already leaked to the public on where she get education from.

But Ruby couldn't help but gush out of happiness knowing that she could meet [Name] Yoshino out in the flesh! "I can't believe I'm actually seeing [Name]! She's so beautiful! Don't you think so Aqua?" Ruby cried out of happiness towards her brother.

Then she realized something, it hit her hard into reality. She slump "She's in the general department and she's a third-year..." She said with a low voice before continuing "And you, Aqua! You're in the same department as her! I'm jealous!" Ruby exclaimed with the clear evident of her jealousy tone while pointing finger at her brother.

Aqua looked at Ruby with bored eyes, and looked at the crowd that is still gushing over [Name] amazing features. I mean who wouldn't, Aqua won't deny that she's a beautiful person. Especially after seeing her in real life.

While Ruby is raging over the fact that Aqua may or may not see her everyday from now on . "Can't we get to class now?" Aqua said, looking at Ruby with bored eyes. Ruby stop her behavior and agreed not before crossing her arms and puffing out of jealousy.

"[Name], that guy from that middle school has been staring at you for a long time, you know?" ■■■■ pointed out beside you, you glanced at your guy friend and glanced to the guy that had been staring at you. The guy noticed you know that he had been staring at you and look down blushing.

"Just let him be. It looks like he isn't the type of guy to harm me. No need to get too protective over me, ■■■■. It'll be okay." You chuckle lightly, and looked at the sky.

Years later, you never thought that the guy from your past that was from that middle school would be your lover.

How lucky Goro Amamiya is...

A/N: hi, im back! it has been a long time hasn't it? life had been hectic but i managed to made one chp lol.

TAGLIST : @glitch-karma @kult-o @miyakoa @pandaswitch @ignorxntf00l @nambii @kenma-izhu @lumiriai @luvkvni @atomi-mi @sentieence @yevene @valeriele3 @theday-dreamer17

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itonashi © // don't plagiarize, copy or edit my works.

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Winter Wolf: Part 16

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, angst

Word Count: 5,180

A/N: Finally got the muse to finish this story! YAY!

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Defense would like to call it’s first witness- Tony Stark.” Mike said first thing in the morning on day three, after spending the first two completely annihilating every witness the prosecution had in only a matter of minutes each. The jury all exchanged glances since you were on trial for killing Howard and Maria, and they were a little confused as to why Tony would be the one defending you. You did everything you could to control your smile as the bailiff brought in a TV from the back, because you knew if Tony had anything to do with that, the courtroom was in for a wild ride.

“Mr. Stark.” Mike said as he picked up his massive brief case and set it on the table.

“Mr. Young.”

“I’m just going to jump right in here and address the elephant in the room. You are here as a witness on behalf of my client, correct?”

“That is correct.” Tony said with a nod as he leaned back in his chair and got comfortable.

“But... my client is being charged with the murder of your parents, Howard and Maria.”

“Yea. The Wolf definitely did it.”

“And you know that for a fact?” Mike asked, making the smile fall slightly from your face.

“Oh, absolutely, I have proof.” Tony confirmed as he sat up and tapped his glasses.

“Defense exhibit 9.” Mike said as Tony commandeered the court’s TV. You looked down at your hands and took a deep breath because you didn’t want to watch the video, but you looked up when the ‘Good Night Moon’ song started playing instead.

“Wait, that’s the wrong one.” He said with a glance over at you since his mistake was intentional. “Technology can be so tricky. Here it is.” He sat back in his spot and looked directly at you with a reassuring smile as the security video from the night of December 16th, 1991. You knew no one else in the room could hear it but you, but you teared up gratefully as the very, very subtle melody of Ana’s song played underneath the video for you, and you alone. As the jury gasped and cringed away, Tony simply kept your eyes on his for your own sanity, and slowly nodded his head, telling you that everything was going to be OK.

“Now that must have been excruciating to watch the first time.” Mike asked when the video went black, and Tony nodded as he looked over at him. “What was your reaction to it?”

“I’m not proud of it today, but I punched her. Then I kicked her out of my house and I may have even mentally plotted her demise for a minute.”

“But then you brought her home.” Mike said as he pulled a massive file of of his bag and set it on the table. “In fact, you even sought out, and purchased her late husband’s plantation and are currently financing the reconstruction and refurbishment of said property, isn’t that right? Defense 10.” Mike said as he passed out copies of Green Pebble Hill’s current deed, and receipts for the money Tony had put into so far.

“It’s a beautiful plantation, and the house will be even more so.”

“But that doesn’t make sense. Why would you do something so generous for someone that murdered your parents?”

“Because I did my research.” Tony said simply which made Mike turn around with an award winning smile that made you realize that this moment was the one he had been waiting for for weeks.

“Defense exhibits eleven through four hundred and sixteen.” He said as he pulled out an actually bound book with tabs sticking out of the side. “I only have one physical copy, Your Honor, but I do have a quick notes type slide show available for the jury.”

“I’ll allow it.” She said as she took the book, while Everett simply sat back in his chair, completely defeated, despite not even being close to the end of the trial.

“Now Mr. Stark...” Mike said as he put his hard drive into the TV and grabbed the remote off the stand. “Where did you start this research and why?”

“I started it to find answers.” Tony stated as he rocked himself back and forth in the chair. “And I started with the HYDRA files Natasha Romanoff leaked in 2014.”

“And what did you find?”

“I found the mother load.” Tony said as Mike pulled up the first page. “I found HYDRA’s notes dating all the way back to 1931 regarding ‘Project X’ and subsequently, the ‘Winter Wolf’.”

“And what is that, exactly?”

“It was an experiment meant for finding one specific mutant to turn them in to an assassin for HYDRA’s use.”

“Can you tell us more?”

“Oh, can I ever.” Tony said as he sat up like an excited kid on Christmas. “‘Project X’ required a mutant with any type of powers that was capable of withstanding having the metal, adamantium bonded to their skeleton.”

“And with all your research on those notes, what kind of mutant where they needing specifically?” Mike asked as he flipped to the next slide and slowly walked back over to the table so that the jury would be forced to see your reaction to this line of questioning.

“They needed someone that is incapable of dying that can also self heal.”

“And why’s that?” Mike asked, setting Tony up for the land slide.

“Because adamantium must be kept at 1,500 degrees Fahrenheit to stay in a liquid form so that it can be sent through dozens of tiny needles straight into the mutant’s body into their bones. Brutal stuff.” The room gasped as the heat from that day radiated throughout your body for a brief moment. 

“What did you find next?”

“Well once they found that mutant, they had to figure out what she was capable of before she could be converted. Can she regenerate limbs? Which she obviously can’t.” He said as he gestured to you while Mike flipped his slide. “How quickly can she self heal from gun shots, stab wounds, deep lacerations, and such. Is she able to fight, and if not, can it be taught. And was it even possible to brainwash someone that could self heal at all? Within a few months, they found out the answers to all of those questions. And it wasn’t just HYDRA running these tests... it started with members of the United States government.” Tony went on for over an hour explaining every single thing he found in English in your file that detailed what you had gone through in the decades that HYDRA held you captive. And once he had finished, and without having to even ask when he was done, you knew exactly who Mike was calling to the stand next.

“Now, Ms. Romanoff.” Mike said once your ex was sworn in. “You not only did research with Mr. Stark to differentiate Dr. Barnes from the Winter Wolf, but you also knew her personally in multiple capacities, isn’t that right?”

“That is correct.” Not said as she forced herself to keep her eyes on your lawyer so she wouldn’t cross anymore lines with you even though you were looking down at the table.

“Can you tell the court of your personal encounters with Dr. Barnes?”

“She was brought into the Red Room where I was trained to be an assassin to assist in combat skills... and she was also my lover.” You both looked up at each other at the same time, as a murmur raced through the jurors box, which Mike completely ignored.

“And I know it will be hard... but can you tell the court what consequences being her lover lead to?” Simultaneously, you both turned away from the other and you quickly started screaming ‘Good Night, Moon’ in your head while Natasha described in detail your relationship in Russia. You were eternally grateful that even the Wolf blocked out the details of the hours of torture she had to sit through as a consequence, but it still didn’t stop your mind from reliving them all over again all the same.

“I’m deeply sorry that you both had to go through that.” Mike breathed as he slowly walked over to the table and purposely bumped it the way Tony had previously instructed to jar you from your thoughts before the Wolf took control. He glanced down at you to make sure you were OK for a moment, before looking back up at Nat to continue. “So let’s move on to the research. As we learned from Mr. Stark, half of it was in Russian, and since you speak the language fluently, you were the one that translated. What did you learn?”

“The major thing I found was the detailed plans of every single hit the Winter Wolf had, down to the most minute detail that the agents of HYRDA had prepared so their assassin could complete her missions properly.“ Mike nodded his head as he hit ‘play’ on the remote so that all of those documents would flip through in the background.

“So as far as you saw, not a single one of these assassinations were chosen, thought out, or prepared by Dr. Barnes or the Winter Wolf herself?”

“Not a single one.”

“And you have gotten to know Dr. Barnes personally, not just when she was out of cryogenic sleep, training you in the Red Room, but after the fact when she moved into the Stark tower in 2016. In your honest opinion, do you believe that the woman in this room, the woman far away from HYDRA’s control, the wife, and mother we see before us is capable of committing these murders if it hadn’t been for HYDRA’s control?” Natasha shook her head and looked over at you with barely a hint of tears in her eyes, but also a tight lipped smile that spoke volumes.

“No. (Y/N) is one of the kindest, most gentle people I know. She wouldn’t hurt a fly. Especially after everything she has gone though in her lifetime.”

“Thank you, Ms. Romanoff. That is all I have.” She nodded her head and kept eye contact for a minute longer, before forcing her self to look at Everett as he got up in a vain attempt to destroy her character before lunch.

——

The next three days were much of the same for you- sheer torture. You were forced to listen to Steve go on and on about the woman he knew before and after HYDRA’s kidnapping. You had to sit through Bruce’s explanation of living with “the other guy” and his struggles and triumphs. You had to listen to Bucky and Wanda both gush about what an amazing woman, wife, and mother you had become… but it didn’t stop your mind from wandering to all the torment you were going to have to relive once it was your turn to take the stand. 

The weekend was rough, seeing you jump at the littlest things. The only thing keeping you calm was Ana, who was officially able to talk your ear off with her collection of a few dozen words- ‘Ana' being her favorite. Everything was ‘Ana ball’, ‘Ana toy’, or ‘Ana mama’, which made you smile more than you believed possible. But Monday still drew nearer and your fate was believed to be set in stone no matter how much you wanted to believe otherwise. 

“You need to go to Wakanda.” You told Bucky on a regular basis over the course of the two day weekend, but he stubbornly refused to listen to you.

“You are going to be cleared of all charges, don’t worry.” He’d say as he’d chase after your daughter around the suite. 

“You still need to go to Wakanda.”

——

“The defense calls Dr. (Y/N) Barnes.” You couldn’t stop yourself from fiddling with the material of your dress as you were sworn in and seated in the stand, but you looked up at the crowd of Avengers that were able to sit and support you since they all had testified on your behalf already. You knew, once again, that no one could hear it, but the sound of ‘Good Night, Moon’ was unmistakable to you. Like a dog whistle to a dog. Tony met your eyes and nodded as he let it play on repeat, while Mike leaned against the table in front of you, settling in for a long day.

“Good morning, Dr. Barnes.”

“Good morning.”

“Shall we just jump right in?” You nodded and whispered yes as years of abuse slammed into the forefront of your mind, even making the Wolf cringe in response. “Let’s start with an easy one. Did the Wolf kill all the people you are being charged with?”

“Yes.” You whispered, before clearing your throat, nodding, and repeating yourself loud enough for the room to hear. “Yes, she did.”

“And were you forced to be the Wolf by HYDRA?”

“Yes, I was.”

“Is she here today?” He asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“She is.”

“And can we meet her?” You startled the slightest bit as the Wolf laughed in your mind, and you admittedly shook your head.

“No. No one will meet her ever again.”

“Very good.” He said as he stood up straight and turned the TV in the room back on, so that the jury could see the documents about the Winter Wolf once more. “Now, Dr. Barnes. Let’s get into the harder stuff.” With a heavy sigh, you nodded your head and folded your hands in your lap, painfully gripping your fingers together so tight they might have broke, if that were at all possible. “How did you find yourself under HYDRA’s rule?” You cringed at the memory of Little Stevie and your discussion and looked up at the man in question.

“Why not put someone on the front line that can’t die, right, Stevie?” You asked, which made him nod his head and smile softly at you. With another sigh, you ran your fingers through your hair and started talking. 

Once the floodgates opened, it was impossible for you to stop them. You spilled every single thing HYDRA did to you, and the Wolf even helped supply things that you didn’t even remember before that moment. It was almost like she was working with you to fight against HYDRA’s rule over the pair of you. Mike asked carefully placed questions, guiding you through your life story, but for the most part, he let you describe years of torture, killings, and abuse you faced at the hands of monsters. You could see the stunned faces of the jury out of the corner of your eye, but you stayed focused straight a head, on the cellphone in Tony’s lap, that was playing ‘Good Night, Moon’ over, and over, and over again. It was your life line to sanity, because the memories that were pouring out of your mouth were threatening to drag you under and let the Wolf out at any moment. 

“Let’s take a break for lunch.” The judge said after you had given explicit details of killing your sixth target. 

“You doing OK?” Bucky asked as you sat back down at the defense table, but you shook your head and looked directly at Tony.

“Don’t stop playing that song.”

“Never.” He replied as he turned the song up a click so you could hear it over the rumble of voices in the court room. With a nod and a sigh of relief, you closed your eyes and sat back in your chair, just listening and quieting the voices in your head. 

——

Three days. It took three days to officially document the 97 kills the Winter Wolf was responsible for. Your tears for their deaths had long since dried up and you were emotionally numb. The only thread of your sanity you held onto was because of Ana’s song that Tony hadn’t stopped playing for you for a moment in those three days. But your life was about to get so much worse.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Barnes.” Everett Ross said in a smarmy tone as he moved to stand in between you and your view of the Avengers. 

“Mr. Ross.” You replied shortly with a nod. 

“So over the past three days, you admitted to killing 97 people in your existence on this Earth.”

“Forced.” You responded, which made him bristle.

“You killed 97 people, didn’t you, Dr. Barnes?” He repeated with a glance at the jury.

“I was forced to kill 97 people, yes.” You said simply, trying to get under his skin the way he was. 

“How can we know for sure that you were forced to do so?” You wanted to stay quiet so bad, but after he repeated the question, you let your proverbial claws fly.

“Sir, I was beaten, cut, tortured, burned, shot, electrocuted, and abused at the hands of monsters far greater than you for decades. I assure you, I was forced.”

“And how do we know that you won’t and haven’t killed since the supposed last kill you did quote “for HYDRA”?”

“Because I am not that person anymore.”

“And how do we know that?!” He demanded loudly. Anger boiled in your veins but before you could react, Bucky said ‘Anastasia’ under his breath just loud enough that you could hear him. You met his eyes for only a moment as Ross shifted his weight on his feet, and you took a deep breath to respond. 

“Sir, I have been alive for almost two hundred years. I celebrated my one hundredth and seventy seventh birthday this year. I am an Avenger, a wife, and a mother. I am not a killer. I have nightmares…”

“Objection, answer the question.” Ross tried to interrupt, but you simply continued.

“…of those people I was forced to kill almost nightly. I wake up in a cold sweat, sometimes screaming…”

“Objection, answer the quest…”

“I am answering your question!” You screamed as you stood up from the chair and glared at him. “You are the one not listening. I am not a killer. I made an oath to do no harm when I became a doctor in the early 1900’s. I made an unofficial oath to protect the people of this world from all enemies, foreign and domestic when I became an Avenger. If I really wanted to kill someone, I wouldn’t have done those things. I would have used the skills HYDRA beat into me to avoid detection like I did when I was under HYDRA’s thumb and kept on killing after HYDRA’s fall. I was a ghost, Mr. Ross. I am CHOOSING to not live that life anymore. And at this point in my existence, it is my choice to make.” Ross looked a little too stunned for words and you could see the jury shaking beside you as you sat back down in your chair. You went to adjust your shirt for something to do with your hands, but finally noticed that your claws had come out in your anger. You retracted them quickly and flushed hard as a smile stretched across Everett’s face.

“No further questions.” He said, cryptically as he walked over and took a seat. You groaned to yourself and covered your face with your hands for a moment before getting up to go back to the defense table.

“It’s alright.” Mike said softly as he reached out to take your hand to give it a gentle squeeze, but you quickly pulled away from him to cover your red face again. The judge called for a recess until the next day for closing arguments, and you shook your head as tears welled in your eyes.

“They have to convict me now.” You breathed as you stood up to go back to your jail cell hotel room for the night.

“Not a chance in hell.” Mike stated, overconfidently, which only made you shake your head as you took Bucky’s hand.

“You need to go to Wakanda, now.” You tried again, but your husband shook his head.

“We aren’t there yet.” He claimed, but you and the Wolf did not agree one bit.

——

“How long does this usually take?” Steve asked as you sat in the court room on day 5 of jury deliberations.

“It can take anywhere from a few minutes, to as long as they need.” Mike said to you as he looked up from his phone to the group of you that were sitting around, waiting for the jury to come back with a verdict. “Days, weeks… eventually, if they can’t come to an agreement it may go to a mistrial.”

“Goddamn it…” You groaned as you sat back in your chair and covered your face with your hands. “Never should have gotten that angry.”

“You’re going to be alright, doll.” Bucky tried as he reached over the partition and squeezed your shoulder as the bailiff finally said the jury was ready. Your stomach dropped and you sat up in your chair as the judge told the bailiff to bring the jury in. Every moment felt like an eternity, but before you knew it, you were standing beside Mike as the jury foreman opened the paper in his hand.

“On the charges of murder of the first degree of Howard Stark, how do you find?”

“We, the jury, find the defendant… not guilty.” The air rushed out of your lungs and you instantly collapsed back in your seat as the judge called out the next murder case you were being charged with.

“Not guilty”

“Not guilty”

“Not guilty”

“Not guilty”

Over and over again, the jury called out a “not guilty” verdict and you couldn’t believe your ears. Tears poured down your face and relief filled your soul to the brim as your whole world rightened once again. When the last “not guilty” verdict was read, you turned in your spot and wrapped your husband in your arms and cried into his shoulder as he simply rubbed your back and whispered sweet reassurances in your ear. You didn’t hear the rest of anything that was said, other than that the case against you was dismissed. The second the gavel dropped, you were over the partition and practically dragging Bucky out of the room.

“Easy, doll.” Bucky laughed as he pulled back on your hand so you would slow down. You shook your head but paused just long enough to get your ankle monitor off. 

“I need my daughter, and I need to get the hell out of here.”

“We’re going.” He promised as you adjusted your pants leg. “We can go anywhere you want to go, I promise.”

“I just want to go home.” You breathed with tears in your eyes as you stopped to search his face.

“Then home it is.”

~~~~~~~~~ 

Once you were home safe in Stark Tower, you couldn’t get the man’s face out of your head that pointed a gun at your daughter. So you did what any rational person would have done- you hunted him down. 

Brett Miller was a single man, living in Maryland outside of DC with no family, no pets, no friends or even close neighbors- nothing that would lead you to believe that anyone would come looking for the Winter Wolf if you went through with what you wanted to. Bucky saw the feral look in your eyes when you were doing your research and surprisingly didn’t say anything to try to stop you. But someone did have something to say.

“The fuck are you doing here, Natasha?” You asked under your breath as you hid in the bushes behind Miller’s house at three in the morning.

“You’re not going in alone.” She whispered as she slid between two trees, dressed in her Black Widow outfit.

“Fuck off.” You grumbled as you stood up and silently crept toward the back door with a small duffle bag of things you would need on your shoulder. Your full Winter Wolf get up felt like a second skin and you let her take over your mind for a moment, but Natasha grabbed your arm and pulled you back into the shadows.

“Let me help you.” She hissed, as you yanked your arm free of her grip.

“Go to hell.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I’m helping whether you like it or not.” She breathed as she walked past you to disable Miller’s security alarm and cameras. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and follow her. After a few moments she nodded her head and gestured you forward.

“I don’t need fucking back up.” You tried as you walked over and unlocked the back door, but your temporary partner simply shushed you. With another eye roll, you silently snuck into the house and headed upstairs where Miller was sleeping. He was only in a pair of boxers, sleeping spread eagle in the middle of his bed, and you quickly moved over and started tying him to the bed. Nat saw what you were doing and helped, making sure Brett didn’t escape once he woke up. His eyes bulged when you slapped him awake, and he instantly scrambled to get away when he saw you looming over his bed. 

“You fucked up, Brett.” You said evenly through the mask that hid the lower part of your face. “You pointed a gun at my child. And no one points a gun at my child and lives to tell the tale.”

“P-p-please…” His words stopped abruptly when you pulled the knife strapped to your thigh out of the holster and held it up to his throat.

“P-p-p… man up. You know what you did.” You went to drag the blade across his throat to start his torture, but the Wolf froze just long enough for your senses to be slammed with the ‘Good Night, Moon’ song. You whipped around and looked at Natasha, who looked unapologetic as she held her phone up with the song playing softly.

“You don’t have to do this.” She said softly as she searched what she could see of your eyes through the goggles you had on. “Ana wouldn’t want this.”

“Take her name out of your fucking mouth.” You hissed back as you looked back down at your mark, who was looking between the pair of you with wide eyes.

“Don’t do this, (Y/N).” With a loud growl, you pulled the gun from your hip and pointed it at her, but that was the wrong move to make. In the split second you turned away, Natasha put a bullet in Brett Miller’s forehead for you. You froze and looked at her in complete shock, but she simply shrugged. “You are not the Winter Wolf any more. You are a mother, and a wife. You don’t need the blood on your hands or the nightmares of a kill anymore than you already have.”

“You had no right.”

“I know.” She said with a nod as she started untying Brett’s body from the bed. “But you deserve a life of happiness. Not one of violence. Go home to your family, (Y/N). I’ve got it from here.”

“Natasha…”

“I said go.” She repeated, which made you sigh and concede. You put your weapons away and packed the rope back up as she headed down stairs and severed the gas line behind the stove. The pair of you slipped out of the house and ran to your respective cars as the house blew up behind you. Your mind raced all the way back to the Tower, and you ignored the dozen calls you got from your temporary partner on the way. It wasn’t until you were home again, did you speak to anyone.

“How’d it go?” Bucky asked quietly as he sat on the bed, watching TV and just waiting for you to come home.

“Natasha killed him.”

“Say what now?” He asked as he looked over at you with his eyebrows raised. “Natasha went with you?”

“Natasha followed me to Miller’s.” You sighed as you started stripping out of your gear. “She took the kill shot when I hesitated.”

“Oh, baby…”

“I was gunna do it, you know.” You snapped angrily. “It was my kill to take.”

“And she didn’t want the blood on your hands.” Natasha said as she walked into your room, completely uninvited. You scowled as she stopped just in the door way and crossed her arms over her chest. “You can hate me all you want, my star, but I will always, always protect you. I will always love you and nothing you say or do will make me stop. But we both know that had you go through with that as Dr. (Y/N) Barnes and not the Winter Wolf, you never would have forgiven yourself for it. You never would have been able to look Ana in the face again without feeling guilty. I didn’t want that for you. So I took the shot. And I’d do it all over again to protect you. You are not the Winter Wolf anymore.” With a small nod, she turned on her heel and went to leave the room, but you sighed and rolled your eyes.

“Thank you.” She paused and looked back over her shoulder at you with a small nod.

“You’re welcome.” With one more glance at Bucky, she turned back around and headed back to her room to go to bed after a long couple days of driving. You groaned loudly and went to run your fingers through your hair, but it was still braided down your back.

“Get it off.” You huffed as you looked down at your outfit and felt your stomach turn. “Bucky help me…”

“OK, OK.” He said as he leapt to his feet and helped you get your old uniform off. When you were standing in just your underwear, you burst into tears and collapsed into his arms.

“I couldn’t do it.” You sobbed as you let him lead you over to the bed. “I froze. I couldn’t do it.”

“It’s OK, doll. It’s all over. It’s OK.” He kept whispering the same sweet nothings over and over as you cried, until there wasn’t anymore tears to shed.

“She was right.” You whispered as you hid your face against his throat. “I’m not the Winter Wolf anymore.”

“I know.” He agreed as he ran his fingers up and down your bare back. “And that’s OK.” It took a moment or two for those words to really sink in before you sat up and looked at him with red, puffy eyes.

“I’m not the Winter Wolf anymore.” You repeated with a small smile and a shake of your head. “I’m just (Y/N). I’m a mother, a wife, and a good person. I’m not the Winter Wolf anymore.” He smiled and cupped your jaw in his hand with a nod of agreement. 

“No, baby girl. You’re the love of my life. You are definitely not the Winter Wolf anymore.”

The End.

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

Heaven in Hiding

Hello everyone, it's @sasageyowrites 's birthday today and this fic in my queue is dedicated to her and only her. This is my gift to you sweetheart, sweet 17 I love you dearly. On another note I used some line breakers here because I wanted to see how they worked don't mind me I might remove them later on

Pairing: Dabi/reader

Summary: Dabi finds himself unable to get out of your shadow and in despairate need to provide for your and your daughter's safety you confront him, forbidding him of ever being able to lay his eyes on you or your baby

Warnings: Stalking I guess, I mean typical Dabi stuff you know..

Dabi wasn’t a stalker. At least that was what he tried to tell himself in any case he’d come to believe that very statement.

The wind was chilling, blowing his hair anywhere on his face, much like the endless amount of tree leaves that swayed everywhere around him. He glanced around, noticing the first specs of snow had already started to fall down following the sudden harsh blow of air. 

He huddled inside the neckline of his black hoodie, his face mask shifting obnoxiously over the metal staples that held the skin of his cheeks together. His black windbreaker jacket did almost nothing to cover him from the excessive cold wind that blew; not that he was any close to freezing -it was more of the opposite- but he’d always feel that tingling sensation of the frozen metal bars on his burned skin. They scorched on his burn even further that he could ever want to admit, but by now he was used to the pain. 

Most of the trees around him were stripped off of their leaves, their thin boles put to display for him and any bystander. The clouds were covering most of the sky, only a few tiny specks of baby blue peaked form underneath them, yet they were quickly vanishing under the mellow snowy clouds. In that moment Dabi knew, the enormous sunglasses he wore to hide his undereyes only made him look more suspsicious.

Not that he didn’t look like a fly in a full glass of milk to begin with.

The glass doors before him opened automatically, the red motion monitor beeping in his eyes as the sound of a bell rang once he entered the convinience store. The medium height stalls laid neatly before him, the colors of the numerous products almost catching his attention. He shook his head as if wanting to come to his senses, his attention span traveling back to his person of interest, the person he followed all the way to this store.

Glancing around the store, his eyes quickly met with the security camera view screen. Teal orbs paced maniacally, traveling back and forth between the numerous small windows until they were met with what they were looking for. His feet marched before he could even think, mechanically even, pacing quickly towards the direction he had instantly memorised, much to his demise.

He had to stop himself from grunting just before his body movements came to an halt. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket he sank his face deeper into his hoodie, standing before the glass covered fridge isle, his eyes seemingly fixated on the multiple cartons of milk that lead before him.

When your hand went for the matte metallic handle of said door Dabi found himself mimicking your action, putting his best effort into trying not to raise any suspision. You didnt seem to pay him any mind; as your hand extended further you hesitantely grabbed onto a powder blue carton, carefully placing it into the wheeled basket that was standing down before you.

You probably didn’t care about anyone around you; Dabi figured out that much while noticing you hadn’t even threw a glance in his direction over all the time the had been watching you. Secretly he restented just how much you minded your own business, it came to the point you were naively ignoring your surroundings completely. He knew exactly what you were thinking about; no one cared to bother with a random bypasser like you, but at least he hoped that after your time with him you’d come to understand the way criminal minds worked.

He chuckled to himself as he thought about giving you the least some credit. This was a nice neighborhood, a very well lit part of the town, accentuated in beautiful cherry blossoms that bloomed in spring, filled with numerous families as well as residents of a few of the top ten heroes. This place seemed to be inaccessible to murderous, bloodlusty villains such as himself.

At first it had seemed unreal that you were alive, free of any mark. He had thought he'd gotten the wrong person, still stuck over the fact that he couldn't do much to save you, one of the few people he had cared about in this world, but he was soon convinced, as he witnessed your meeting with Midnight, that this was in fact you, alive and well.

Yet, here he was. Following you around for God knows how many days now, obsessed with the fact that it was you that lived a careless life before his very eyes. For the most part he had tried to deny it, to convince himself that he had gotten completely insane and delusional. And he had wanted for that assumption to be correct. Because he had, or rather, he had thought he had, watched you die a horrible death, engulfed in acid, screaming in agony as it burned through your skin and bones.

And as if that wasn't an earth shattering shocker, it had to be that you were always seeming to be carrying a child with you.

Dabi wasn't dense and he wasn't lucky either. The child was around a year or so, he had figured, adorned with a set of tealy baby blues and (h/c) hair, save for her front bangs and the hair above her ears and nape. As much as he'd like them to be any other color -because, truly, such fact could actually justify the disgusting and full of jealousy throbbing in his heart every time he laid his eyes on the two of you- they shone a bright fiery red.

(H/c) bangs curtained your face as you bowed your head down, giggling as you brought your forehead to bump into a smaller one. Dabi watched as your eyes creased and squinted as a big beam was plastered on your face, your nose coming to bump on the baby’s button one. He almost smiled, sincerely even, at the interaction, though a pinch inside his chest prevented him from doing so. He couldn’t help but stop and stare, unsure of whether he looked dumpfounded or not.

“We got your milk Saku, yay!” you cheered, receiving a small squeal in response from the infant.

His fingers idled with the carton that fell under his hand, a small pink and brown carton, marked with the enormous words of any irrelevant label. His eyes fixated on it, quivering as ever, his thoughts mocking him as to whether he could try and dare to take another glance in your direction. His gut though churned, burning his insides in what seemed like an endless torturous bloodlust. Taken aback, his gut chirped, his throat seemingly forming a loop, preventing him from being able to take another breath. And.if he were to be honest, in the moment he needed one.

The anxiety rushing through his veins worked its wonders on him, raging dangerously towards his face, burning everything in its way. That disgusting antic was back, the obnoxious nervous smile he couldn’t rid himself off formed on his face under his mask. He wanted to slap himself it, yet it was hard to do so before you, it could potentially blow his cover and cause a scene that he didn’t want to in the store. As much as he loved causing mayhem, this wasn’t the time for it.

As the baby chirped, fidgeting her small open fists through your hair, he came to officially convince himself on his involvement with her. Blue springles emitted from the tips of her fingers and immediatelly the discomforting odor of burnt hair filled the air. And damn, did Dabi hate that smell.

“Baby, don’t burn mommy’s hair.” you smiled, stealing a glance in Dabi’s direction as you spoke, taking him aback by the sudden action.

Why was his heart speeding up in such demonic pace though? You probably didn’t even do so on purpose. Thinking that you were actually aware of his presence around you shouldn't be as unsettling as it seemed in the moment, in the end you were bound to notice the black clothed figure following you everywhere like a second shadow, weren’t you? Did he really think you were that stupid?

Sighing to himself he turned on his feet, proceeding to walk in the opposite direction of the one which you walked towards. He couldn’t stand being in this store anymore, his blood boiled at the thought of what he was actually doing. It was safe to say that he really did despised what he had turned into, but there was no going back. Picking up his feet, he exited the store, the chocolate milk still in his hand, burried in the inside of his sleeve.

Damn, he needed to smoke a cigarette or ten.

Dabi didn't know how many hours he had spent in the park across your apartment building; frankly he had lost all track of time and albeit having witnessed the sun set, he was unable to pinpoint how long ago the phenomenon had take place.

Snow fell down in big white blotches, littering his black windbreaker before it melted down into the fabric, only to pushed back out of its surface in the form of steam. His body was churning, the burnt skin that was held by the staples in certain areas practically oozed in tiny specs of blue cremating fire, the fleece fabric of his hoodie protesting as it ceased to exist. At this point he knew he was going to burn his clothes down if he kept staring at your windows and this wasn't his fireproof villainous attire, nonetheless he didn't feel as if his legs could move according to what his brain commanded. Nor did he feel as if he could control his own self.

When he'd think about pushing a leg forward in order to take leaping step, you'd come to the window he had a good view on and stroll around the room, always accompanied by the silhouette of the infant in your embrace and all Dabi was left with consisted of his ability to hide inside his hood or rather, his inability to get himself out of the situation. He secretly liked the way you hadn't pulled the curtain all the way across the window, whether it was intentionally or not -he didn't care to know of- he just enjoyed that he could get that tiny glimpse of you and Saku -or at least, that was the only thing he'd ever hear you call her.

Dabi wished that it wasn't so quiet, he wished he hadn't been able to hear it, but now that he had, he couldn't help but feel a little swirling bulb of bitter jealousy forming in his lower stomach. Yet was what assuring for a second was terrifying in the next; he'd never seen him around your house, or rather, he'd never seen you and him interact in any way. The only thing he knew was that you probably had many gives and takes with the heroes, a thing that put his mind to work harder than it ever should have been.

For a fragment of a second teal eyes meet with obsidian ones, forrowed straight brows met taller thinner ones. Dabi felt belittled as he stared at the male across the street who seemingly stared right back at him but he held himself back from letting out a surprised whimper as a reaction to recognising the man.

Aizawa Shouta, Eraser Head, was standing underneath the main door of your apartment complex, his fingers lingering with what Dabi had memorized to be your doorbell. The ravenette watched as you perked up, your silhouette passing by the familiar window as you paced and only a few moments later the familiar buzz of your intercom rang through the air.

He was confused. Confused beyond a sane point. Maybe that's why he had decided to stick around. Maybe, as he told himself so, you were just a mystery he wanted to solve.

"Thanks for coming." You smiled as soon as you opened the door, your batting eyes falling into the ravenette's stoic ones.

"Don't bother thanking me," Aizawa raised his palm, closing his eyes as he softly signed you to stop "I saw him, you know."

"He hasn't left that spot in the park for hours actually." You confirmed.

A deep sigh left your chest, your brows furrowing as your face fell in a despairate and miserable expression. The corner of your lip twitched and your jaw quivered as your soft pieces of flesh pressed together, a series of actions that Aizawa didnt fail to notice, yet he idled in his spot, his feet bowing slightly as he proceeded to take his shoes off. Once done, his feet mechanically marched towards you, his hands hesitantly coming to cup the tops of your shoulders.

The anxiety in your stomach leaped, throwing hellish boulders in the walls of your intestines, trying to hurt you enough so that you could come to your senses. But your mind protested on what you had decided on, fighting back with every breath you took. Your heart throbbed inside your chest, begging to spill through your ribs in mushy gashes, your throat was dry was you stared at Aizawa with wide eyes.

"Don't worry. I'm here." He spoke, sternly and before you managed to utter a words, making you squint your eyes shut.

Your hands came to hug around your form, the intense cold from outside finally finding its way inside your apartment and setting you as a target. It was now or never, you thought. The last few months ahead taken an enormous toll on you, Dabi's presence always being in your shadow was driving you insanse, filling you with rage and remorse.

He had no right to come after you and intrude on your personal life, yet you didn't know if you could try and not do the same were you in his place. But perhaps that was just an excuse you were making because you resented yourself for ever being involved in the ways you had with him.

You looked up at Aizawa, the inches that separated you, giving you a good lower view of his face. His heavy eyebags resembled his in a way you couldn't explain, his obsidian eyes that stared into yours with assurance -that was the look of a hero who had come to your rescue- yet you couldn't help but compare it to Dabi's ominus, cold glare, damn even the long messy onyx hair screamed Dabi to you and you hated it.

You hated that you could see him anywhere. Whether it was your imagination, dreams or real life, Dabi was always there, hiding in the shadow in the most prominent, ironic way, mocking you for your past choices, staring at your daughter maniacally with eyes so wide that were raged with manic.

Every night you felt like pulling your hair off your scalp, you felt like clawing your face until you ripped your skin or screaming to the walls until they fell down and came apart; you could feel Dabi's eyes on you on whatever actively you were set to do, even sleeping and in occasional fear of being cremated on your sleep.

This was the time to take action and if anyone could help you not get burnt into ashed that was Aizawa Shouta.

"He probably won't try anything funny with you here Shouta. Sakura is asleep but you can have her relax in your arms if you fear that I'll take long." You said rushing to get your combat boots out of the shelf you had them stored.

"Out of all people, did you really have to have a child with Dabi, (y/n)?" Aizawa playfully remarked, yet you furrowed your eyebrows as his expression failed to match with his tone.

You simply sighed back to him, closing your eyes in embarrassing defeat, your chest was run by a sudden chill, causing your body to absurdly perk up and Aizawa huffed through his nose in determination.

"Maybe you should wear a coat." He suggested.

"It's fine," you spoke back playfully "I actually like being cold.

Your breath formed into fog as you exhaled and you watched it annihilate into thin freezing air, your eyes glimmering under the cold lights of the street lamps, your orbs quivering from the freezing cold. You unwrapped your hands from your form as you felt the cold take over you. It was absurdly refreshing, you thought, and immediately your brain protested over your irrational way of thinking, yet your gut was scorching and at least the snow falling on your hair and nose was providing you with some newfound comfort.

You wanted to pick up your pace, but your frozen legs ignored you, deciding to prolong your misery further, your toes going numb with each step you took closer to Dabi's direction. He didn't even flinch. Not even once. You wondered if you shall take another step towards him, the terror that run through you raged over the theory that Dabi was only trying to catch you off guard before he fried you alive.

Still, you focused your gaze on the small streak of smoke that bled out of his hoodie. Soon the smell of tobacco filled your almost too numb nostrils as the sound of Dabi's snarky breath filled your ears. It was criminally quiet tonight, though this street wasn't normally filled with people, many school kids would chose the park across your apartment to hang out after school or during the late hours of night, but seeing how bad the weather was tonight you could blame anyone for not chosing to freeze themselves to death.

Of course, Dabi and you were two of a kind.

"Care to share a cig with me?" You spoke with determination, managing to let out a small hint of teasing in your voice to mask your fear.

"You actually practiced that line or something?"

Dabi chuckled in your direction although you could listen to the dryness in his tone. His hood covered head didn't turn in your direction just yet but his hand reached for one of his pockets, then leaping into another, taking short anxious movements, perhaps, you though, to throw you off. You were though sure Dabi could practically smell fear and if that was true whatever he was doing, he was doing it to mess with you, you knew how he much loved corruption or how he enjoyed the reek of fear from a few of his victims.

"Don't twitch like that, I'm just looking for my pack."

There it was. Yeah. Of course he was messing with you. Great, he was going to kill you weren't he now?

Dabi shift uncomfortably in his eat on the snow drenched bench, his hip bones clashing with the hard wood beneath him but he pushed through the discomfort he was feeling because now he was facing you.

Your jaws were clashing furiously, the hoodie you were wearing was probably doing nothing to keep you warm and for a moment he seriously thought about removing his windbreaker and tossing it over your shoulders, but he knew you wouldn't accept it, so he set on saving himself from the embarrassment.

Picking a hand out of one pocket he presented you with the small carton that held a couple of cigarettes and you didn't miss a chance on grabbing one, not even giving it a second thought. Looking around, you realised there was no lighter in sight and you sighed as Dabi offered his pointer finger, the digit adorned with a sheer blue coowling crown and naively you bowed down, taking a drag as the fire touched the edge of the cigarette.

You didn't bother thanking him as a constipated expression masked your face, your hands coming to rest under your bust just in case you'd ever get tired of holding your cigarette with your lips.

"Care to sit down?" Dabi remarked and you absurdly turned your head in the opposite direction, taking a drag through the filter, the stinky taste of nicotine filling your tingling on your taste buds.

"No, Dabi. You know why I'm here. I can't deal this anymore."

"You can't deal living without me little mouse?" He snarled, his hands quickly working on replacing the smoked cigarette that hung from his lips with a fresh one.

"Dabi I'm serious." You said, squinting your eyes "This is driving me insane. Did you really think I wouldn't notice you?"

Despite your tone suggesting that your question wasn't rhetorical, Dabi made no effort to even part his mouth to reply.

"Care to tell me what you want from me?"

Silence. Dabi looked at you as if you were speaking in a language he couldn't recognise, as if your words fell deaf to his ears.

"Dabi, I'm not going to beg for my life if that's what you want, and I don't appreciate that you're trying to entertain your psychopathic kinks." You said, voice below your normal pitch, indicating the small hints of fear that came with your intuition.

"Is she mine?"

The question hit you like a truck. Shaking, you couldn't help but feel like a deer blinded by the headlights, your blood running cold in your veins. Could you truthfully answer that without setting yourself and your daughter in danger? Stealing a glimpse of your window you vaguely made out Aizawa's silhouette and your heart warmed at the soothing reassurance that came with the action.

"Would it matter for you to know? What would it change?"

"Wouldn't you want to know if you had a little bastard marching astray?" Dabi monotonously remarked, making your stomach growl with rage.

"Sakura isn't a dirty stray dog, you're in no place to talk about her like that, not when you don't know what I went through for her." You raged, your eyes glowing with anger as you burned holes in Dabi's teal orbs.

So that was the name you had given her- Sakura- a plain overused name with a beautiful meaning, Dabi could atone for the fact that he liked it. Nevertheless, he stared at you, his lips puckered together in a determined manner, his cigarette never leaving the right corner of his mouth.

"Hit a nerve, little mouse?"

"Stop calling me that Dabi." Upon snarling you stomped your foot to the ground.

"How should I call you? I don't think I caught your actual name."

Dabi was bitter and he had every right to be, or so he told himself, he felt enraged to look in your direction, yet so speak to you and to top it all his stupid, idiotic feet were shaking and he didn't feel like he could get up, he could only stand there and stare at you, but this was unlike any other time. This time you were staring right back at him (e/c) orbs burning holes into the back of his brain.

But he wasn't going to give in, despite whatever he felt, he wouldn't give in to how soft he viewed you as, he wasn't going to give in to how your familiar smell filled his nostrils or how his heart set at an orbit of its own due to your eyes in his. Anxiously, he took another drag of his cigarette before taking a look towards your window, making out Eraser Head's silhouette in the dim light.

"I won't try to kill you, by the way, you didn't have to bring your friend over."

Your expression hardened as Dabi mentioned Aizawa, your heart skipping a beat as your eyes immediately fell in his direction once again.

"You don't have to obsess over Shouta as well."

"Ah, already on first name basis? With a man that much older than you and here you are calling me Dabi?" He whined playfully, but still his feet wouldn't move.

"What I do in my life is none of your business, you don't have any right on me because you knocked me up-"

"So she is mine."

If you could, you'd wipe that smug look that was immediately plastered on his face, but you knew better and you hated that you did. You knew that he smiled like that when he was in discomfort, you knew that he couldn't move from the spot he was seated on, you could still see through him and it killed you, it killed you because on one hand you were utterly afraid of what he could do to you and on another you wanted to bring a palm to his face and call him by his name.

"Look Dabi," you sighed in defeat "to answer any of your questions, Sakura is your daughter and I brought Shouta here because I'm afraid you're here to kill us. How am I supposed to know you're not playing dumb with me because you want to kill me?"

Dabi quirked a brow at you, bringing his hand to the top of his hood and pulling it down, his hair tousling in the air. "Can't I just be amazed that you're living a careless life when you're supposed to be dead?"

You averted your eyes from his in shame, your body shivering slightly for a brief moment. "I was supposed to take down small nameless criminals Dabi. I fake my death so I could get out of there with my ass saved."

"I should kill you, you know, I've entrusted you with very significant information about me." Dabi growled, his fingers starting to springle in the tiniest specs of cobalt.

Despite watching them dance before you, your gut felt numb and you could thank the freezing cold for that, but you didn't feel the growling eruption of fearful anxiety grow inside you anymore.

"Well it was your fault that you trusted me enough to tell me your name and purpose, but I won't spill the beans on you. Unless..." You prompted, finally taking a seat next to Dabi, your thigh merely brushing against his own.

"Unless?" He inquired, intrigued as ever.

"Unless you leave us alone, Touya." You whispered the name below the sound of a breath, making sure no one around you could hear, yet Dabi quivered by the sound, his eyes glued on your lips. "The truth is, I don't want you associated with Sakura. How will the world treat her if they find out she's the daughter of a serial killer?"

"I... I just." He hesitated.

"You what? If your villain friends know about her they're going to come after us, being a single mother is fucking me up already, give a girl a fucking break Dabi."

You were dumbfounded by how bold you were getting and you only had yourself to blame, cornering the villain felt dangerous and endearing at the same time, his otherwise dominant behavior had crumbled in only a few tiny seconds and between them you had managed to call the shots and push all the right buttons, corrupting your way into the point you wanted to make.

It was true, during your time working undercover to take down small criminals you had indeed picked up on the way criminal minds worked. And in moments like these you used it to your advantage.

"Can I just see her once?"

His tone took you aback, sending your eyes to spread wide as a surprised expression masked your face. His voice was pleading and small, soft and intruding poking you to spare him with any pity you had in you. Shaking your head, you came to your senses, finally aware of the fact that your thigh was pushed against his.

With a shagged breath you made a move to get up but you were forced into the cold bench once again by Dabi's hand, the sound on shifting filling the air as you growled on your spot.

"You don't get to tell me what to do little mouse." He barked, his digits digging into the skin of your thigh almost painfully. "I want to see my daughter. How come that hobo of a man can see her when I can't."

"Dabi, I just explained why I don't want you around her."

"I have every right don't I?" He asked.

"Actually, you have no right, you're a serial killer Dabi, you shouldn't have any right, the only reason as to why I can't arrest you right now is because all I have are this stupid healing quirk and that I have no license to do anything to you. Now if you go in to my house, Shouta isn't going to go soft on you."

Dabi growled in his seat, his hand leaving your thigh as he maniacally went to light another cigarette, this time the small spec of fire dancing on his quivering finger.

"This is a warning, stop stalking us." You sighed and brought your palms over your knees with a slap before straightening them to stand up.

"Wait-" Dabi said as he watched you take a few steps away from him, his head extending to your direction. "If- if you heal me, will I be able to see her then?"

You didn't dare turn around to face him, instead you hugged your chest, taking in a deep breath as you lowered your head to stare at your shoes. The voice inside your head was hot and sweet and it bowed to your natural instinct as a healer, somewhere deep inside your chest you felt as if that in a way it could work. But even if you took away what made Touya Dabi then would he really ever atone for all his sins? You knew you wouldn't be able to sleep with both eyes closed if he were to be by your side, his ideals weren't just something he could give up just because he would leave his appearance behind.

"Look, Touya, I really like Shouta, please don't ruin this for me." you whispered, your voice raspy but you never managed to turn to him. Whether your statement was a lie or not was up to Dabi to decide.

"No wait."

You didn't respond to his call out. You simply hugged your chest tighter, pressing your breasts with your cubits as you took fast steps towards your apartment complex.

You chose to ignore the fittings that you heard behind you, the commotion he was causing coming second to the way your heartbeat annoyingly pulsed in your ears. When Dabi's palm hazed over you you heaped, your breath cutting short and consequentially being trapped inside your weary lungs.

"I'd never hurt a mother and a child." Dabi gulped, his fingers being moments away from brushing over your clothed skin.

But you didn't care, you simply lowered your shoulder, throwing your collarbone forward in an attempt to escape the upcoming contact of his body with yours. You set your feet to work, rapidly and uncarefuly sliding through the snow as you tried to get away.

And once again all Dabi could do was stop and stare. You didn't care about the churning in his gut, you didn't give a damn about the ashes of his heart either, there was no heaven in hiding for him, just this bitterweet taste of tobacco in the buds of his tongue, and the unbearable stinging in his eyes. All he was left with was his wish to see you and Sakura again.

And maybe he could do that. He just needed to become a silent shadow.

[hxhhunterxhunter]

Onii-Chan (Child reader)

⭐️Chapter 6: Jump 💧

"We're finished here!" Menchi yelled out as the applicants had failed the exam.

"It's over.." People whispered to each other, while Y/n was just mentally going through her head about what had just happened. Everyone failed?

One of the applicants slammed his fist into a station making the counter break. Y/n jumped slightly seeing the reaction of the male.

"I won't accept this..." He said glaring at the hunters in front of him. "I absolutely refuse to accept this!"

"In the end you still failed." Menchi replied to him.

"Stop screwing around! You asked for pork, so we risked our lives-" He was cut off by Menchi 

"I said to prepare the pork in a manner we both found delicious. And none of you were able to do that!" Y/n could sense a similar bllod lust emitting from her brother. She looked in his direction as Mr Oinks stood next to the female, with the fox plush sitting on the back of the pig.

As the guy tried to attack Menchi, Buhara punched him sending him into the walls, most likely hurting him badly.

Y/n stared at the male, thinking that that was painful, but wasn't really worried about him.

"It would be excessive to fail every single applicant except one of them."

Soon a man came down from a blimp, he looked very old and had a pony tail and long beard, so Y/n guessed he was very old, maybe she could call him grandpa?

He had jumped down, creating a crater from where he landed.

"W-who's this geezer?" Someone asked.

"The Chairman of the selection committee. He's in charge of the Hunter exam... Chairman Netero" Menchi exclaimed as she looked at the Chairman.

"Well I only work behind the scenes." The Chairman replied. Y/n looked at his shoes and noticed it was a heel but placed in the middle of the shoe.

'How does he walk in that??!' She thought as she stared at his shoes. As he continued to talk to Menchi.

" Hey lil sis." That made Y/n look at Gon who was smiling at her. She tilted her head and pointed to herself. 

"You call me big brother so you're my little sis." He grinned at the small girl who smiled happily, happy with  her nickname from Gon.

" Let's go! We're redoing the Second phase of the hunter exam!"

~

They all stood on top of a mountain that was split in the middle. Everyone looked in the split to see giant webs, holding what seemed to be eggs.

"Now everyone..." Menchi started to explain. "Look down there. A spider eagle's web."

"They build their nests down there?" Gon asked as he looked down.

A huge gust of wind came up and blew them in the face, making Y/n's fall backwards on her butt, and Mr Oinks went to her side, squealing at her to make sure the female was fine, as she patted the pig's head.

"Look below the webs" Menchi pointed out, as everyone started to notice the eggs.

Y/n looked down again as she heard Menchi explain that those were Spider Eagle eggs were also called dream eggs because of their taste.

Soon Menchi jumped down into the web making everyone Gasp and watch her as she gripped onto the web, seemingly waiting.

"Even if she can grab some eggs how is she going to get back up..." Leorio said as he watched the female.

Y/n felt a small breeze and then Menchi jumped, making everyone tense. Soon a giant gush of wind came and it flew Menchi Up, making Killua, Gon and Y/n stare at her in amazement.

"That looks fun" Killua said as Menchi came up and landed safely onto the ground.

"This ravine has updrafts, to help the chicks to fly up to the webs." Netero explained as Menchi smiled and showed the applicants the eggs

"there now I just need to boil it"

As someone argued that no one would do that. Gon replied

"I've been waiting for this!" Y/n grabbed Gon's hand and soon the group jumped off the cliff.

"Wee!" Y/n cheered, soon Gon was holding onto the web with one hand, and holding onto the small female's hand with his other. Killua, who was on the side of them, grabbed the female's other hand so Gon didn't have to hold the female's entire weight on his own, even though she was pretty light, soon others joined them. Soon a few people jumped off and started to fall since there wasnt any wind.

"There isnt any wind." Kurapika explained when Gon told them that they can't jump yet.

"When is the next wind?" Y/n asked gon, looking at him.

"Not yet..." Gon said waiting for the wind.

The web had started to break from all the weight on it. Y/n's hand started to slip from the grips of Killua and Gon.

"Gon, not yet?" Killua asked, but gon didnt reply since he was waiting to fell, or smell, the next updraft.

Some people, who were nervous let go, ending into their demise. As the web was getting close to it's end, the grip that Killua and GOn had on Y/n's wrist was slipping and ending up loosing their grip, but luckily as the female was going to fall Gon yelled

"Now!"

Everyone let go. Y/n grabbed onto an egg and held it close to her as she fell, and also grabbing another one.

Soon a giant gust of wind threw her up, making everyone land safely onto the ground.

As soon as the eggs had been boiled, everyone, who had jumped, started to eat their eggs.

"It's Yummy!" Y/n cheered as she started to eat the egg, as her second egg was being eaten by Mr Oinks, since he was a carnivore, as he squealed in delight.

"I see why it's called a dream egg." Kurapika said as he was eating his egg.

"Leave some for foxy, Mr Oinks!" Y/n huffed to her pet pig, as it was finishing up the egg her 2  animal companions were meant to share

Kurapika looked at the female, sweat dropping at the female as she was expecting a plushie to eat an egg as well...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Another chapter YAY!

Mr Oinks joins on the adventures >:3

Y/n calls her fox plush Foxy, because thats kinda what children do they don't normally give their plushies (or animals) real names (Kinda why my plushies are called Lion and Buttons the Bear)

[calliecat93]

ST: TNG S5 Watchthrough Episodes 18-21

Cause and Effect: Who’s ready for the ST equivalent of Groundhog Day? Yep, we have a time loop episode. This is actually my mom’s favorite episode so I’ve been waiting for this one XD.So the episode opens with the Enterprise blown up… and after the titles we have a poker game as though nothing happened. But Crusher begins to have deja vu and as the loops continue, so do the others. So... If you’ve seen time loop stories you more or less know how this goes. Though unlike most of the oens I’ve seen where just one person becomes aware of it, while Crusheris the first the others also begin to take notice. The don’t remember everything, but they start picking up on it and figuring out that something’s up. Again, I appreciate the cast being written as competent and not stupid cause it’s very easy to do with this kind of plot. Not sure I at all understand Data’s explanation on how he figured out how to end the loop... but hey, it ended. So it was good. Nothing mind-blowing but very much enjoyable. Any time that Crusher gets prominent screentime I’m happy, but again I just appreciate the cast being intelligent. Also the Kelsey Grammer cameo at the end, Hell yes~! 3.5/5.

The First Duty: Okay Wesley, second guest star appearance. Let’s see how it goes. Which, haha... it’s not a happy episode for him. There’s been an accident at the Academy and while thankfully Wesley is alright aside from an injured arm, one of his classmates has died. Well… that’s sad. That n and of itself could fuel a story all its own. But as a hearing is held, it becomes clear that something more is going on. As it turns out, Wesley’s teammate died because the entire squadron not only performed an illegal flight procedure… but lied about it. First that it was an accident, then that the accident and his own demise was his own fault. Why? To save their own skins. Now to be fair it’s clear that they’re scared, but it doesn’t change the fact that they’re essentially lying/disgracing a dead person to save themselves. Even the kid’s own father gets convinced of this, which only adds to Wesley’s guilt. I actually felt really bad for Wesley and I kinda feel like Picard, upon confronting him, was… pretty harsh. Wesley’s actions were wrong, but again he was clearly scared and felt guilty for it. Thankfully he does ultimately do the right thing, accepting the consequences. Hopefully, Wesley can push through it and grow from it if he shows up again. My mom doesn’t like this episode I guess because of how it portrayed Wesley, but honestly? I like it for that exact reason. Welsey isn’t portrayed necessarily as bad, he’s reacting like… well… a scared nineteen-year-old. He made a major mistake, and he paid the price for it, though it certainly wasn’t the worst punishment that he could have received. While Picard was rather harsh when confronting him, it was the push that Wesley needed to do the right thing. I think that this was the kind of episode that Wesley needed, where he commits a huge screw-up and unlike when he was a regular, pays the consequences for it… it’s just a shame that they did it after he stopped being a regular. I can see why some may dislike this one because of Wesley’s portrayal, but I think it was good and was long overdue for the character without villainizing him. He’s intelligent and capable of greatness, but he’s got a lot to learn, especially after this. Let’s hope that he does. 3.5/5.

Cost of Living: It’s another Lwaxana episode folks… yay. Okay despite my complaints about her episodes, the last one’s issues I had was more due to the subject matter than the character. If anything, she was the best part of it. So maybe this time things will be better. So this time, Worf is having parenting problems with Troi trying to help him and Alexander make it work. Lwaxana is on the Enterprise as she’s getting married, to Troi’s exasperation and Picard’s utter relief, and ends up butting in. Oh and the ship malfunctions because it’s Star Trek. So… it was okay I guess? The Holodeck scene was just utterly bizzare and I’m still trying to wrap my brain around WTF just happened. To be honest, Troi is the best part of this episode. She’s trying to reasonable help Worf with his parenting issues, Alexander with his lack of discepline/responsibility, her mother marrying a guy she never met and bending agains the Betazoid traditions that she usually follows, and she’s clearly just fed up with everyone especially her mother. It makes her such a joy to watch, haha! Lwaxana was… alrigh. On the one hand, it ws not at all her place to butt into the whole Alexander situation especially since Troi was handling it. On the other hand, the episode does go more into how lonely Lwaxana is and make her manhunting/desire tog et married more sympathetic. Te previous episodes always played it mainly as a joke/a condition of her species at her age, but it never allowed her to actually delve into why she’s so desperate. How she’s fears rowing older and being all alone without someone to love her… and gosh I’ve absoluteley seen this before and it’s just sad. Consideirng that this came out the same year that Gene Roddenberry, majel Barret’s husband and of course as we know the franchise creator, has passed… I can only imagine how rough this had to be for the poor woman. But if she wad channeling that into her performance, she did a fantastic job. Also Lwaxana’s fiance? He was played by freakin’ Tony Jay. The man is a freakin’ legend the voice acting world (probably best known as Frollo in Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, by far his darkest performance yet probably his best) and it’s the first time I’ve seen him in a live aciton role. He plays a snobish asshole and obviousy the marriage falls through in the end, but he made the episode worth it! So yeah, I’m still not a big Lwaxana fan but they are trying to add more to her and overall it was fine. It’s not great, for example the Enterprise’s plot felt tacked on to fill in the runtime, the pacing was rouh, and the storylines were not at all balanced out well. But it was overall fine, though i think Half a Life did her better. Troi, some legit Lwaxana development, and getting an appearance by Tony Jay made it worth it XD 2/5.

The Perfect Mate: While preparing for a peace treaty, the Enterprise picks up two Ferengi, one of which messes with the cargo, and releases a young woman named Kamala, a mutant amongst her kind whose abilities let her become the perfect mate for any man, from suspended animation. She was meant to stay that way until the ceremony... and was meant to be a ‘gift’ to one of the sides. Yeah... that’s not at all messed up. Due to the Prime Directive, the crew can’t interfere... and we find out that there was a more complicated reason as to why Kamala was as she was. This is pretty much the TNG version of Elaan of Troyius from TOS. Kamala is completely different from Elaan, more composed and well-mannered while Elaan was more aggressive and upfront. Looking back I do feel I was too harsh in calling Elaan a brat considering the conditions she was under, but the episode certainly didn’t give he much sympathy from anyone (aside from Kirk) while they do better calling out the arrangement here. Then again it’s been months since I watched the episode so I may be remembering wrong. But it does ultimately end with Kamala entering an unhappy marriage, but she bonds with Picard and ends up acting as his perfect mate, so... hope that goes well. The whole empath/metamorph thing felt necessary as well, you didn’t need a reason to make men attracted to her for this episode to work. Which yes it only works on men, remember this is the 90’s folks. I’m kind of baffled as to why Troi wasn’t in this one considering we have another empath, that could have added a more interesting layer and justified that part. But I shall repeat what I said in Elaan when they put Kirk under that tear-induced love spell: you don’t need those elements to keep a plot spicy. The Ferengi we're also utterly pointless. While I feel that the subject is better done than in TOS and it felt more evenly paced... I’m still not a fan of it. It has more of the nuanced debate on the arranged marriage plot that I was annoyed that Elaan didn’t have... but I’m still pretty meh about it overall. it’s alright, but just that: alright. 2.5/5.

Okay folks, we’re five episodes away from finishing S5. So far... it’s only been alright. There’s been a couple of strong episodes, but overall it’s remained firmly in the average range. Maybe S4 hyped me up too much, IDK. I’m still having fun, but maybe I’m just starting to get fatigued from TNG. But we don’t have much more to go, and there’s still plenty of time for S6 to change my mind, so we’ll see how things go from here.

[cheesybadgers]

Narcos ramblings

Ok so I finished season 3 of Narcos the other night and oh god, I can’t stop thinking about it all and that’s why this post exists, because I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. No one else I know has watched it, so I have all these feelings but nowhere for them to go.

I got into Pedro off the back of The Mandalorian, but I had heard good things about Narcos a couple of years ago, although never got round to watching it. Having said that, I was NOT prepared for just how into it I was going to get. It’s hard to explain, but I feel like it’s got into my head and under my skin in a way very few series do (well, I mean The Mandalorian did exactly the same thing immediately prior to watching Narcos, so maybe it’s a Pedro thing lol, but I feel like that does both series a disservice because my reasons for loving both shows go way beyond Pedro, as lovely as he is obvs).

I wasn’t prepared to fall so in love with Javi or Steve and their wonderfully dysfunctional friendship/partnership. Both loveable idiots who frankly, I can’t believe didn’t end up shot and thrown in a ditch with the reckless way they both behaved at times. They were like a tag team of bad life choices and fucked up coping mechanisms. Every episode I found myself disappointedly shouting “Oh Javi/Steve honey, no” right before they did something dangerous and/or stupid. But I still loved them anyway.

I wasn’t prepared for Wagner Moura’s performance. HOLY SHIT, he absolutely blew me away. How he brought so much nuance and towards the end, vulnerability, to such an abhorrent, terrifying character, I’ve no idea. I feel I must stress I am clearly praising Wagner’s performance and not romanticising any of the things Escobar did in real life (I’d hope that goes without saying, but a disclaimer never hurt). But because I found Wagner SO utterly compelling to watch, I kind of missed him in season 3?! Honestly, I felt so confused about that for some reason, even though it’s completely reasonable to enjoy an actor’s performance and separate that from the real-life person they portrayed. I rushed straight to Wiki to see if he won any awards for the role and was kind of baffled to see that he didn’t (although nice that he and the show got several nominations at least). He was robbed!!

Going back to Javi and Steve, I also wasn’t prepared to feel this weird sort of angsty sadness about the way they were forced apart by the narrative at the end of season 2 and it somehow feels unresolved, because obviously Steve wasn’t around in season 3. I don’t even necessarily mean in a shippy sense (although I totally get why anyone would ship them…I’m certainly not opposed to the idea myself and could definitely be persuaded with the right fic), it just felt like they at least deserved another face-to-face scene once Escobar was taken down. It’s bad enough that poor Javi couldn’t be there in person to see Pablo’s demise, but to only get a phone call with Steve afterwards…*cries* The injustice is real. To be honest, I hadn’t looked up the cast for season 3 ahead of watching it, so wasn’t aware that Boyd wasn’t to be in it. So at the beginning of season 3, I just felt this really weird mix of happy that we’d be getting more Pedro, he was top billing in the cast list and that he had taken over narration duties (all very YAY worthy obviously), but then I also felt pangs of sadness that we’d be getting no more of Javi’s and Steve’s friendship. It took me a few episodes to adjust, even though ALL THE JAVI was good in its own right (the absolute HOTNESS of Javi doesn’t really need stating by this point, does it? It’s a given and we’re all horny for him…let’s just leave it at that 😉).

And that leads me to season 3 Javi…oh my god, SOMEONE HUG HIM. IMMEDIATELY. AND REPEATEDLY. Talk about carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. He looked so burdened and lonely for the vast majority of season 3, it hurt my heart to watch. That scene at the beginning of the series where he’s alone working in the office after hours and he goes to talk to someone only to find everyone has gone. MY HEART. I think that’s why the lack of Steve really got to me, because oh my god Javi needed him. He needed someone to shoulder the burden of the job, someone to bounce off, someone to talk him out of/back him up on his latest mad and dangerous plans or just someone to brood with over a whiskey after a reaaalllly bad fucking day. He needed his partner and his friend back, damnit!

The only way I can make myself feel better about it all is to head canon that despite Javi telling his dad at the end that he was done with it all, whilst he WAS done with Colombia, he wasn’t done with taking down Narcos and after a bit of a break and some soul-searching, I’ve decided he either moved to Miami and re-partnered with Steve there (I can’t imagine Connie being up for another relocation, poor woman has the patience of a saint); or they both re-located to Mexico to assist there. It’s literally the only way I can stop myself from wanting to sit and cry in a corner. 

I am conflicted about the ending we got for Javi…on one hand, absolutely yes give the poor man a break, he’s done more than enough and it’s about time he found happiness and Colombia had turned him into someone he didn’t much like or want to be. But on the other hand, in the long run, would he a) have been happy in Texas? He didn’t look like he belonged at the wedding we see at the beginning of season and b) be able to stand by and do nothing knowing that a large portion of the drugs trade was right on his doorstep? Colombia changed him (and Steve) and not necessarily for the better, but I don’t think you just give up and walk away that easily. So, I choose to view it as more of an open-ended finale, especially as when they shot it, they didn’t seem to know for certain who the cast of the next season was going to be and then it became a spin-off at a later date. If Pedro had stayed on, they could easily have justified Javi remaining in the DEA.

Something else I wasn’t prepared for…I kind of shipped Gaviria and Eduardo? They behaved increasingly like a married couple and then, suddenly, Eduardo sacrifices his job and reputation to save Gaviria and is gone never to be seen from or heard of again. And BAM, I was crippled by more unexpected angsty feelings…that I’m pretty sure can’t possibly have been intended by the writers and it’s probably just me and my tendency to over-invest in these things, but still. THE ANGST WAS REAL, OK? Eduardo was such a cute cinnamon roll…and man, there really was a drought of cinnamon rolls in this show lolol. I was way more upset than I probably should have been when he left.

I feel I also must say, all of my opinions and feelings are based on the fictional portrayals of the characters. I’ve read a bit about how much actually happened in real life, but I’m obviously only talking about the versions of the characters portrayed in Narcos in this post.  

So yeah…I’m sorry for this mad ramble, but I needed to get it out there and off my chest, because my husband and people on Twitter just don’t understand wtf I’m talking about and well, even if no one here does, I don’t feel like I’m being judged on this site at least 😉

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Witness : 25

Seeing Red

new moodboard created by @jessicagoddamnjones  Thanks to them and to anyone who wants to create one of their own or some art, I would be eternally grateful. You all are so amazing!

Character(s): dark!Bucky, dark!Steve, too

Masterlist

Warnings: this is a dark!fic, it contains non/dubious-consent elements. Some violence as well at the beginning. It goes without (and with) that this is 18+.

In this chapter, no major warning. 

Summary: The Reader lashed out.

Notes: So a bit late in posting today. It was a rough night for me. I spent half of it sleepless due to a severe anxiety attack. I was not doing well at all my dude. Now I'm feeling a bit more stable, thank god I have a day off finally. The good news it I did finish a fic for tomorrow before I went to bed and sunk into existential dread so yay for that. Also Happy Together will have another chapter on Friday. Let's move past me, I love you all. Thanks for following. I'm still pepping myself up to write the last one or two chapters to this series overall but we're on a good track here. This would be nothing without you guys. For real. You've made this series so special to me and I can't thank you enough. <3 

Please, reblog and or reply with your thoughts!! I’ll see you in the next one. :)

When you woke, your throat was scratchy and your head felt as if it was being crushed. You could hear voices and they slowly drew you back to the surface, your eyes fluttering open as your head lolled towards the sound. You were strewn across the bed as two figures stood a few feet away; arguing.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Bucky growled, “You could’ve fucking killed her!”

“I know what I’m doing. She’s fine,” Steve returned sharply. “Besides, what do you care? I mean, it’s not like there aren’t other woman out there you could train just as easily.”

“And start over?” Bucky scoffed, “You ever think I get tired of cleaning up your messes. I shouldn’t have ever told you about her. I should’ve kept her to myself.”

“Ha, I would’ve had her on her knees eventually and you know it,” Steve mocked, “I always do.”

“She’s not another one of your toys, Steve,” Bucky was royally pissed. You actually hadn’t heard him in such a state. Sure he was direct but he was never so venomous. “She’s mine and I plan on keeping her for more than a couple months.”

“Oh, yeah? You think this one will last a whole year?” Steve turned and neared the bed, looking over you. “She’s awake.” He made to get back on the bed but Bucky caught his shoulder.

“No, you’re done,” He pulled him back, inserting himself between Steve and the bed frame. “She’s done for the night.”

“Oh, come on,” Steve sneered, “I didn’t even get to finish.”

“Do it yourself,” Bucky crossed his arms, “Not my fault you can’t fucking control yourself. Now get dressed and go.”

A heavy sigh sounded followed by a grunt of frustration. A momentary stand off permeated with tense silence before Steve finally backed off. He dressed wordlessly, only pausing at the door to look at you prone across the bed. He winked as you lifted your head to watch him and left with an air of triumph. You dropped your head back to mattress and moaned, touching your neck daintily.

“Fuck,” Bucky settled beside you on the bed, carefully moving your hand to examine your neck. “You’ll have to cover those up.”

You coughed as you tried to speak, brushing his hand away from you and rolling over so your back was to him. His words echoed in your head;‘You could’ve killed her’. He had almost sat there and watched you die. Well, what did you expect? Upon your first meeting he had promised your demise if you did not go along with his perversion. Shit, you were in some demented sex bunker, only a moment ago letting yourself be used like a sex doll. That’s all you were, really.

“Let me take you home,” His hand was on your shoulder. It wasn’t the cold vibranium you were used to. “Y/N,” He wasn’t calling you a good girl or bad girl, he was actually speaking to you as if you were a person. “Come on. Let’s get dressed and get you out of here.”

You didn’t say anything but sat up, slipping away from his reach as you hid the tears at the corner of your eyes. Even if you thought you’d been able to summon your voice, you didn’t know what you could say. Anything that did come to mind would earn you a punishment and you had little faith that this moment of empathy would last if you provoked him. You just wanted to go home. You wanted to be away from him.

When you were dressed minus your ruined panties, Bucky opened the door and led you up into the evening chill. You shivered as you sat in his car, his eyes lingering on you as you tried to ignore him. He started the car, driving in silence as you stewed in anger and humiliation.   “Are you okay?” He asked quietly, his eyes glued to the road. You just stared out the window, no response. “Now, Y/N, what did I say about answering me when I speak?” It was a weak warning but you didn’t want to test it.

“What do you care?” A painful hiss shredded your battered throat. “If I don't answer, what then? You going to make me suck your dick again? I'd rather get out and walk.”

“I understand you're upset so I'll let that slide,” His tone was surprisingly placating, “I didn't mean for that to happen. Really. Steve is just--”

“My car is still at the office,” You interrupted, “You can just drop me off there.”

“No, I'll drive you in the morning,” He insisted, “Are you hungry?”

You eyed him darkly. You shook your head looked back to the window. “After that?”

“I guess not…” He said awkwardly, a new silence rose between you.

The rest of the ride was thick with anger and unsaid words. Bucky followed you into your building but you didn't acknowledge his presence, hoping he would just go away. You wondered why he was even sticking around. Perhaps he still had some torture planned. You slammed your purse on the counter and leaned against it. You touched your throat as you listened to his footsteps move around your apartment. The muffled grind of the faucet sounded and water splashed against porcelain.

“I ran a bath for you,” Bucky came up and sat on the stool beside you, “I can make you some tea.”

You looked at him like he was growing grass on his head. This was weird. He was being weird. You blinked at him dumbly and shook your head. “No...thank you.” You backed away from him, irritated by his uncharacteristic demeanour. To act so kind after he had watched another fuck you like some lifeless doll. “You don't have to do all this. You can just go. I'd prefer it if you did.”

He exhaled deeply and stood. “Alright,” He sounded almost submissive. He passed you on his way to the door, turning back as he twisted the handle. His mouth opened as of he wanted to say something but he quickly thought better of it and snapped his lips shut. You watched the door close behind him, a scowl creasing your features as you locked it behind him.

You went to turn off the tap before the tub overflowed. You grabbed your phone from your bag before undressing, just then realizing how sore your entire body was. Your thighs ached, not to mention your ass, and your neck was starting to seize up. The muscles of your back were racked for the strained bend Steve had put in it during his excess. You dialed your mother's number as you lowered yourself into the steaming water, the ringtone droning endlessly until the voicemail answered.

“Hey, mom,” You croaked. You wished you had never moved away from her. All this would never have happened. “I just wanted to say that...I miss you.” You stared at the tiles and sniffed, “I love you.”

You hit end and set aside your phone, sinking into the water, languishing there until you were pruny and cold. You wrapped yourself in a towel, your reflection stopping you before you could leave the washroom. Your neck was dappled with bruises in the shape of Steve's thick fingers and there was a burst blood vessel in your cheek. You backed away from the mirror and scurried to your room, falling onto the bed as you tried to smother the rising tears. It would never end.

You figured that Bucky would approve of the turtleneck you wore the next morning to hide the bruises. A little concealer over the burst blood vessel and you looked like a real human being. When you grabbed your keys you recalled that you were missing the part which would make them useful. Your phone vibrated and a private number blipped up with a text attached. ‘Downstairs’.

You made no haste in meeting Bucky, shuffling carelessly to his car and dropping into the seat like a sack of bricks. He glanced over at you, his hand gripping the wheel. He nodded in approval of the snug collar poking out from beneath your jacket. You kept your eyes ahead and waited for him to put his foot on the pedal.

“I'm leaving today. Me and Steve have a mission,” He stated flatly, “We're gone at noon.”

“Okay,” You answered quietly, unsure of how else to respond.

“It'll give you time to recover,” He said plainly, “I know last night was difficult. Not just for you, you know?”

“Yeah, I'm sure it was very hard for you,” You huffed, doing nothing to hide your irritation.

“I'm going to talk to Steve. It won't happen again,” He explained, “And if he doesn't want to play along he's not gonna play at all.”

“Oh wow, thanks,” You said with as much salt as you could muster. “You're fucked, dude. Really. At this point you may as well just kill me. I mean this whole thing started because I was afraid but you know what, it can't be worse than this.”

Bucky's nostrils flared but he said nothing. He pulled up to the tower and into the parking garage. You got out of the car and made for the stairs only to find Bucky's metal arm blocking your path. “This is your pass. Watch the way you speak to me.”

“Fuck your pass,” You made to shove past him but he caught you around the waist and pressed you to the car. His chest rose and fell, his blue eyes alight.

“I'm sorry,” He gritted out, “Okay?”  He released you roughly as your head spun at his words. He raised his hands and backed away.

He apologized to you? You drew your brows together, looking away from him as you spoke quietly. “If you were sorry, you would've stopped by now.” You turned and this time he didn’t stop you, your heels echoing up the steps.

tags: @they-call-me-le @holylulusworld  @petit-funsize @alexakeyloveloki @ladyofmyst @kellyn1604 @thelostallycat @grayxswan @collette04 @butteryoptimisticpeanut @buckycaptspideypool @blackpantherimagines @lilithhellfire @captainfreecandyvan @spaghettyrogers @phoenix21love @sathlens @iheartsebastianstan

[brittle-bone-gabe]

Deer in Deadlights

Summary: Poor Eddie gets hit with the Deadlights instead of Richie.  Paring: Eddie x Richie (Adult Reddie)  Read on Ao3: Here Based on this art I did. 

Eddie and Richie stumbled through the cave, escaping those cursed not scary at all, scary, or very scary doors which they couldn’t stop thinking about. Were the doors switched? Should they have just picked the scary door and they would’ve been okay? Eddie wouldn’t stop going on and on and on about how they should’ve picked the middle door, and that’s what they would do next time if it happened again. If. Richie had to grab Eddie’s hand out of protective instinct, dragging him out of the small cave to get back up to where the action was. 

The flashing lights stunned Richie for a minute, trying to readjust his eyes to the new lighting. He saw the giant fucking Pennywise spider-bitch taunting the other Losers. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what to do? What could he do? Richie could feel Eddie step up next to him, he put a hand on Eddie’s chest to stop him from moving any further. He didn’t need Eddie to get hurt. 

Pennywise grabbed Mike, wrapping itself tight around him, a spike coming from the hold as It started laughing menacingly in a deep, low, demonic tone. The glowing orange eyes It produced glowed through the cave, so when the lights were dimmed again none of the Losers would lose sight of where It was. 

“I know what you are,” Pennywise told Mike in almost a singsong voice, laughing again before getting closer. “A mad man...” It’s voice echoed, giving It time to unhinge It’s jaws, revealing rows upon rows of sharp teeth that Mike could only assume would cause his demise. 

Richie and Eddie’s hearts were pounding against their chests. They were trying to think on their feet, what could they do to help? They needed to help. There was no way they could let him die, not after he brought them all back together, even if he didn’t tell them exact reason he was bringing them together, but they owed him this. Fuck. 

Richie started looking around, trying to find something he could use to distract Pennywise, to get It to drop his friend. Eddie had no idea what Richie was doing when he was feeling around on the floor of the cave, moving his hands around as if he dropped something. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Eddie hissed, pressing his back against the cave wall the best he could to stay out of Pennywise’s sight if possible. “Richie, stop, come here.” He saw Richie pick up a couple of large rocks that had fallen from around them. “Rich, don’t!” 

Richie mumbled a it’ll be okay, Eds, over his shoulder before throwing the rock he was currently holding as hard as he could across the air. Thankfully, it smacked Pennywise in the face, causing It to turn to face him, distracting him away from Mike. 

“Hey, fuckface!” Richie yelled, holding on tightly to the flashlight that was still in his left hand as he was trying to push down all the anxiety from his chest, resisting the urge to throw up. 

Pennywise threw Mike a short distance, hitting the cave way and rolling onto his side as he was trying to recover the air that was pushed from his lungs due to the impact. The Losers were all watching Richie with wide eyes, not sure what the fuck his plan was supposed to be, but if he didn’t have one then this wasn’t going to end up going well. Eddie was panicking, he wanted to grab Richie, to pull him back down the cave with the freaky doors so they would get away from Pennywise the goddamn Clown. He couldn’t handle It in It’s spider form alone like this. What was Richie thinking? 

Reaching down, Richie grabbed another rock that he had collected and saved for the next round of this little rock war.

“Wanna play Truth or Dare?” Richie yelled at It, “Here’s the truth. You’re a sloppy bitch!”

Eddie looked up at the hole in the center of the cave, seeing blue lights flare up brighter than before. Richie didn’t seem to notice, as he was too busy taunting and throwing bad insults at the creature. Eddie’s seen that before... something similar at least before Beverly got hit with the... Deadlights. No, no, no, no. That was not going to happen. Not to Richie. Not when Eddie had the power to get him out of the way. 

“Yippee Ki yay, motherfuck-” Richie was cut off when Eddie shoved him out of the way, accidentally causing him to stumble to the cave floor. 

When Richie sat up on his elbows, readjusting his glasses, he let out a small gasp when he saw the Deadlights hitting Eddie. From where he was, he couldn’t see it, but Eddie’s eyes were completely white as he was being lifted off the ground. Pennywise’s face had been replaced with only It’s mouth, producing the Deadlights that was coming from the lights above It’s head. 

“Eddie?!” Richie called, even though he knew that it wouldn’t do any good. He managed to look over at the other Losers, who were just in a state of shock as he was and had no idea what they could possibly do. 

Eddie woke up, laying on his back in a completely empty black room, the only source of light was unknown, but he was able to see a small distance around himself, but whenever he tried looking outside the light there was nothing. Completely nothing. He sat up, reaching his hand up to his left cheek, there was no longer a bandage there, there wasn’t a wound there either. Wait, he did get stabbed, didn’t he? Stabbed by Bowers in his shower with a stupid little pocket knife? 

Or was it all a dream? 

He forced himself to stand up, his legs wobbly, as if he hadn’t walked at all for hours. Was he still in the cave? No... if he was then the blinding flashing blue lights would be all around him - straining his eyes. Eddie couldn’t help but rub his eyes, they were burning, almost feeling as if they were on fire. 

“Guys? Hey, guys?” Eddie called out, thinking that maybe the Losers could still be around. Maybe they could find him and guide him out of... wherever he currently was. 

Nothing. 

Eddie took his first step, almost wobbling over as he did. How long has he been asleep? Was he even asleep? The only thing he could remember was Richie... who he was taunting Pennywise. Throwing rocks at him. Wait, or was that something that happened when they were kids? He certainly remembered Richie starting some kinda rock war when they were kids, so Eddie was probably thinking of that. 

Myra... oh, god, Myra... was she real too? His memory was hazy, but the only thing he could think of about her was constant arguments and screaming matches. Matches that eventually Eddie would back down from since he didn’t like confrontation at all, so it wasn’t worth it to him to keep going at it. It seemed as though Eddie’s whole life was a constant string of people making him do things he didn’t want to do, telling him what to do, and never thought about what he wanted. 

Hell, maybe being here for the rest of his life wouldn’t be so bad. Eddie wasn’t feeling any anxiety, there wasn’t anything here that was making him panic about his health, nobody was screaming or yelling him about something stupid. It was almost like a warm blanket was wrapped around Eddie, a comfort-type feeling that he didn’t want to leave behind. Why couldn’t he feel this way all the time? It was great. 

Grumbling and stumbling back a bit, Eddie started rubbing his eyes again. The constant burning wasn’t gone yet, and he felt like it wasn’t going away anytime soon. 

When he looked up there was a tall, dark figure in front of him. A figure he felt like he should’ve known but couldn’t place anything to it, a bit harder since it didn’t have a face. Eddie tilted his head to the side, slowly moving his way over to whatever that figure was. Probably not the smartest idea, but being here alone... he needed to know what else was here with him.

“Eddie?” Richie called out to his friend who was more or less stumbling around, constantly rubbing his eyes. “Eds, hey...” 

When Richie had thrown the spear that Eddie had dropped when shoving him out of the way, Pennywise had let out a scream, dropping him to the cave floor. Richie had been sure Eddie broke something from the fall, but when he pulled himself up all on his own it shocked him. Eddie finally dropped the hands from his face, looking at Richie for the first time since being in the Deadlights. Richie’s eyes went wide, keeping the gasp trapped in his throat when he saw that Eddie’s large, brown eyes were replaced as they were still completely white. You’re not in the Lights anymore, what the fuck? Richie thought, backing up, making sure he didn’t trip on any of the rocks he couldn’t see. 

As Eddie approached the figure, it became clear who- what it was. 

Pennywise. That son of a bitch. The thing that fucking tormented him his entire childhood. Causing him to always look over his shoulder no matter who up until the day he left Derry, Maine. Although It was different. It looked scared. Weak. Oh yeah, Eddie could kill It on his own. 

Something bright caught Eddie’s eye at his feet. When he looked down, he saw a similar spear that he had been caring around, the one he believed that could kill monsters if only he thought it did. The one he had planned to use on Pennywise this entire time. Reaching down, Eddie grabbed it, holding it tightly in his balled up hand before looking back up at Pennywise. 

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Eddie basically growled as he continued to move forward. 

“No, no, no, no!” Richie said quickly, holding his hands up slightly to show that he wasn’t a danger at all to Eddie. “Eds! Eddie!” 

“You stupid fucking clown...”

“Eddie! It’s me! Richie! Trashmouth!” 

Trashmouth. Eddie heard that in Richie’s voice, but he wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to fall for that, not for Pennywise’s tricks. A part of Eddie wanted to believe that it was actually Richie, but seeing the clown right in front of him made it hard. ...but why would It be afraid of him? 

“Richie...” Eddie mumbled, gripping the small spear tighter. “You’re not Richie.” 

“I am Richie. Look at these stupid fucking glasses!” Richie held up his glasses so Eddie could see it, but it didn’t do much good. He quickly put them back so he could actually see what was going on around him. “C’mon, Eds, you gotta snap out of it!”

“Stop calling me Eds!” Eddie yelled, throwing the spear as hard as he could towards Pennywise. The clown moved out of the way just before the weapon could pierce his chest. Thankfully it grazed him, slicing his arm open as it zoomed passed him. 

Richie hissed in pain, putting his hand over the wound on the opposite arm, blood quickly oozing in between his fingers. Well, if anything, it was a good thing that Eddie no longer had a weapon on him. That meant he could snap him out of this, right? 

“Eddie, c’mon,” Richie stopped moving backwards, lunging forward to grab onto the smaller man. “Wake up!” He started smacking his face lightly to hopefully get him to wake up. 

“Do not fucking touch me!” Eddie screamed, trying to claw his way out of Pennywise’s arms but he didn’t have long enough finger nails to do any damage, so It wasn’t effected by this at all. 

Just having the clown this close to him made Eddie want to puke. All he could think of was the shapes and creatures It could turn into. The years of hell that It put him and the Losers through. Sure, It was gone back then, but the Losers never stopped thinking or worrying about it, waiting for It to show back up again to cause chaos. 

Richie didn’t know how else to get him to stop, he didn’t know how to snap him out of the Deadlights that were apparently still effecting him even though he couldn’t see the source anymore. He could see the Losers working tirelessly to try to get Pennywise to shrink back into a form so they could actually kill It. Maybe once It was defeated Eddie would be okay, but Richie couldn’t bear to see his best friend like this anymore. 

He grabbed Eddie’s arms, forcing him to lay down on the floor of the cave, straddling him so he could have better control on keep Eddie from ripping out his throat. The smaller man was trying as hard as he could to push Richie off of him, but wasn’t working. Richie managed to pin Eddie’s arm underneath his legs, boxing Eddie in. 

“Stop! Calm down!” Richie shouted, shaking Eddie’s shoulders the most he could from their position. “Hey... hey...” Richie’s shaky hands reached up, gently grabbing either side of Eddie’s face. “Shh... Eddie, focus. You gotta get out of this, okay? I’m taking you to Chicago. Just you and me, we’re going and I’m gonna show you the sights. Hell, you can be side stages at my shows if you want, I don’t give a fuck, you just have to come back to me.” 

“Get off!” Eddie screamed, his eyes shut tight, thrashing his head side to side. 

“Please, Eddie,” Richie was almost in tears as this point. He didn’t know what else to do. He reached up, taking the glasses off his own face before putting them on Eddie’s. He remembered when Eddie would take his glasses when they shared the hammock when they were kids, commenting on how blind he was. 

Richie climbed off Eddie, sitting cross legged next to him. The moment he did, Eddie opened his eyes, still white at this point but stared out the lenses. 

The black room was crumbling around him, bright blue lights surrounding him now as he couldn’t help when his eyes narrowed. He looked at the figure sitting next to him, he didn’t see it as Pennywise anymore, but as... Richie. Richie was sitting next to him. Another wave of comfort washed over him as he held out his hand to the taller man, who grabbed it in a heartbeat, a worried look on his face. 

“Richie?” He mumbled. Richie wasn’t able to hear or understand him. 

“Eddie? Hey...” Richie reached down, pushing the hair that was sticking to Eddie’s forehead. 

“Richie...” Eddie squeezed his eyes tight, his eyes suddenly burning more intensely once more. “Is this real?” He almost whimpered, opening his eyes again. 

The pure white eyes were now filled back with their usual dark brown. Richie let out a huge sigh of relief, the tears finally fell. He slipped an arm underneath Eddie’s shoulders, wrapping the other arm around him as he brought Eddie up to press him against his chest as he cried. Actually cried. Something Richie hasn’t done in years. 

Eddie’s eyes rolled in the back of his head, suddenly feeling light headed and just wanted to sleep. 

��Hey, Eds. C’mon, man,” Richie said loudly, giving him a small shake. Eddie jumped, opening his eyes to look back up at Richie, a sad smile on his face. “Are you okay? What...” Richie stopped, suddenly not being able to form words. He jumped when Eddie reached up, putting a hand on his face.  “You saved me...” he finally said.

“You saved me, Trashmouth,” Eddie said before coughing. 

“Of course I did... I...I l-”

“Richie, I love you,” Eddie blurted out before Richie could come out with his own confession. When Eddie looked up at his face he was upset, as Richie didn’t look too happy. 

“You dick!” Richie said loudly, “I was just about to say that! Couldn’t you have waited like 10 more seconds before-”

Richie was cut off again when Eddie pulled himself up, pressing his cold lips against Richie’s. He was caught off guard at first, kicking himself that the first time he kissed Eddie he had tears stained on his cheeks, he was a mess, they were in a fucking cave with their best friends screaming clown at a fucking monster. They should be over there helping, but... Richie couldn’t force himself to leave this moment. He closed his eyes, bringing Eddie closer as he deepened the kiss. 

“Did you mean it?” Eddie said after pulling away, looking into Richie’s eyes. 

“...Huh?” Honestly Richie was dazed from the kiss, not at all expecting that. 

“Taking me Chicago? You’d take me?” 

“Please. I want you to come with me. I’ll pay, just... come with me.” 

“Deadlights...” Eddie mumbled, pressing his head against Richie’s chest, “am I still in them?”

“No. This is real. Watch.” He reached over, pinching Eddie’s arm, he let out a yelp. “See? Real!”

Eddie took off Richie’s glasses that were still on his face, holding them in a way that made Richie panic. “I will break your stupid fucking glasses, I swear to god, Trashmouth!” 

“You can break my glasses at home in Chicago.” 

[themachiavellianpig]

Prodigal Son, Episode 13: Is this what they mean by “working holiday”?

Episode 13 of Prodigal Son, and I'm really late to this party but I am having such a good time right now because this was the most fun episode of Prodigal Son that we have had for quite a while. Holiday suits! Mockery! Monte Cristo themed elaborate demises! 

Full review and spoilers below. 

Seriously, guys, I am so glad I started watching this show. 

The episode beings with a fun look at Malcolm's and Martin's relationship from Martin's own perspective, something that we've been mostly missing up until this point. Given just how gosh-darned enigmatic Martin could be, the opportunity to peak at his subconscious was delightful. Dream!Malcolm was entirely unsubtle, as dreams often are, but it was interesting that Martin admitted openly that Malcolm probably shouldn't be visiting him - even if he can only admit that in his nightmares. 

Meanwhile, Actual!Malcolm is trying and failing to muddle his way through a yoga routine, with traumatic flashbacks really throwing off his balance. But it's fine, Malcolm doesn't need his yoga today - he's going on an actual holiday. Jessica bursts in with two gifts for her son - a new holiday outfit and a lift to the airport, courtesy of Gil, who is similarily thrilled that Malcolm is actually taking some time off. 

Given how well he knows Malcolm by this point, it really was a bit of an oversight for Gil to leave the police radio on, given that Malcolm has never met a crime scene he didn't want to profile over dinner. Gil's exasperated "Fine!" when agreeing to take Malcolm along made me actually snort with laughter, but not as much as the team's reactions to the white holiday suit - Miami Vice, Bond Villain, Coke Dealer, Colonel Sanders and Ivory Poacher are all suggested as new careers for the snappily dressed Malcolm. 

Malcolm brushes aside the gentle mockery to examine the body of a former district attorney who had been shot with a flintlock pistol and had the name of a character from the Count of Monte Cristo carved into his arm. 

The crime scene is immediately enlivened by the presence of Dr Tanaka (yay!) and a landmine (definitely not-yay!). 

Malcolm, in the first of at least three superhero acts this week, manages to catch the landmine's trigger before it fully activates, giving the coroner's team time to grab the body and hustle out, accompanied by the rest of the team at Malcolm's insistence that he had a plan. 

He did not, of course, have a plan when he said that, but fortunately our lead character is very good at thinking on his feet. I'm not sure it would ever have occurred to me to grab a flintlock pistol and use it to shoot my way out of a crime scene's window before a landmine exploded behind me, but that is one of many reasons why I will never be a consultant for the NYPD. I am, however, very sorry about Gil's car, and I'm reasonably sure that Malcolm is as well. 

And, of course, it's in that moment, sitting there with an actual landmine in front of him, that Malcolm speaks to his father for the first time in months. Martin is very unconcerned about the landmine, possibly because he's too delighted that Malcolm apparently wanted to hear his father's voice at such a time. 

We also get the chance to see Martin back in his normal prison routine, which apparently includes browbeating an inmate called Hector to pretend to be Malcolm in "therapeutic roleplay" so that Martin can practise his conversations with his son ahead of time. 

Bloody hell, this family, you guys. 

And then Martin calls the police station to share his thoughts on the case with Malcolm and the team. He's still apparently very desperate to know about Malcolm's life, wanting to be introduced to the whole team before he talks shop, and clearly on his best behaviour in front of his son's friends. 

I now desparately, desperately want to see him interact with Edrisa. Just, I think that conversation would be amazing and I will pay good money to see it. Please? But only if Edrisa comes out entirely and utterly unharmed. 

Now, one of the many advantages of Malcolm grabbing the flintlock pistol as he escaped an exploding landmine is that it made it far easier to trace the gun back to the man who purchased it - who they then find wired into an elaborate sword trap, because apparently Prodigal Son is leaning back into its Hannibal vibe this week. 

And then Malcolm gets the team to cut the man free while he catches the falling swords before they impale their new source. And amazingly no one really tries to stop him. 

Sidenote: I am so glad that both I and the show itself decided to stop take all this crime-fighting business so seriously. And the slide under all the tripwires was also extremely cool, I will admit. 

Once not-at-risk-of-impalement, their new source fills them in on the person he purchased the gun and the swords for - Mr Taylor, a member of the so-called New York royalty, who is about to get married in the social event of the season (which Jessica has scored an invite to and which Ainsley is reporting on, and I feel that having two Whitlys at any event surely infinitely raises the potential of hijinks. Surely.) 

We get a little bit of next backstory - a very suspicious "accident" in which Isabella, the daughter of the family's cook, was killed and which the drug-using Taylor heir had absolutely nothing to do with,thank you very much. 

Such a tale of woe, all neatly swept under the rug by the family's enforcers who are now being targetted, fits the Monte Cristo theme so neatly that the team immediately zeroes in on Cal Taylor as the third victim, and Malcolm and Gil head over to ruin a man's wedding day. 

And a good thing they did too, because they find Ernesto, Isabella's father, running around the old bootlegging tunnels, surely up to some sort of nefarious deed. 

With a really good suspect in custody, Gil does, to his credit, do his absolute best to get Malcolm to go on his holiday, even sending Dani along to make sure he goes to the airport. But Dani and Malcolm are increasingly thick as theieves and, when Malcolm admits that he doesn't want to go on holiday because he's scared of what he thinks about with no work to distract him, she agrees to go with him to visit Martin - Malcolm isn't convinced by Ernesto as the killer, and he wants a second opinion from someone who is not constantly trying to put him on an airplane. 

And this, not the dream sequence from earlier, is the first time that Malcolm and Martin really see each other since Malcolm learnt about the camping trip. Unlike the hallucination of Martin from two episodes ago, the real Martin doesn't admit to doing any such thing - not because he would have been incapable of killing his own son, but because he wouldn't have failed to do so if that was truly his wish. 

Which, you know, isn't a very comforting response, but it doesn't feel a lot more honest than a lot of the stuff that Martin says. 

It's enough for Malcolm to hand over the case file, at any rate. Martin agrees that Ernesto doesn't fit, claiming that such an ending lacks the drama surely required by the earlier crime scenes. Malcolm instead zeroes in on Isabella herself - what if she wasn't actually dead, but instead was back for revenge against the people who took everything from her? 

After a brief pause to get Malcolm and Dani dress-code approved, the two gatecrash the wedding (with Gil's knowledge - I'm so glad Malcolm might actually be learning about 'backup' and 'telling people where you're going', I really am), 

They get another conversation with Cal Taylor, Isabella's former boyfriend, who admits to driving the boat, admits to loving Isabella, and admits that he begged his father to help find Isabella after the crash - and that his father refused to even call the authorities, valuing his son's future over a girl's life. 

And so the final victim isn't going to be Cal at all, but his very smarmy father instead. Realising at literally the last possible moment that Isabella was planning to shoot Taylor Senior during his speech, Malcolm grabs the microphone and fillibusters his way through several excuriating minutes about failed fathers and quiestionable choices before Isabella reveals herself - and the gun she stole to shoot Taylor. 

There was then a fantastic little moment in which Malcolm tries to talk down Isabella with a quote from Dumas - and for a brief moment it seems like maybe it worked, but then Isabella goes all shooty instead. In his third and final superhero act of the week, Malcolm tackles Taylor behind the table before Isabella can kill him, and Dani gets to arrest someone while looking absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. 

Jessica basks in a little positive social publicity as her son is revealed to be the saviour of the night - genuinely, the look on her face when Malcolm introduced himself as her son was adorable. And then she steals an entire bottle of champagne on her way out, because she deserves it. 

Finally, on the way out, Malcolm and Jessica check in with Ainsley, who seems delighted that she gets to report on an attempted murder rather than just a boring society wedding. And we get confirmation that Jessica was invited to the wedding because her daughter sneakily pulled some strings, just because she knew how much getting invited to an event like the Taylor wedding would mean to her socialite mother. It is perhaps the cutest thing Ainsley has done so far this season, and I love her a little bit for it. 

Previous Prodigal Son reviews are available here. 

[howdoyouspellepiphany]

The Prophecy (Yoonmin Demon!AU)

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Park jimin (DemonAU), established namjin

Words: 3671 words

Summary: Long ago, the Divines and Fallens received a prophecy that promises their demise in the hands of a mortal that says:

Beautiful as the creature may be, fire doesn’t burn, ice doesn’t freeze, water doesn’t drown and lightning doesn’t destroy.

Now, the demon prince (Min Yoongi) meets a pink-haired waiter (Park Jimin) who looks like heaven and smells like sin. As their relationship blossom, the Divines and Fallens are beginning to wonder about the prophecy.

Warnings: Crude language, violence and of course, ignorant author

Note: yay i know how to use tumblr now!

Previous chapters: Chapter 1  Chapter 2 Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Jin was pacing across the living room of Yoo Jung’s apartment as his fingers twirl around the pear-shaped ruby necklace that sits elegantly in between his collarbones. He had originally come to the apartment at his lover’s call to receive the present the prince had bought specially for him. Jin thought it was going to be yet another beautiful day spent with his lover in his arms, contented with just holding Namjoon close when Jeongguk called. And just like that, his ephemeral happiness came to an end.

And now, Jin and Namjoon are waiting for Yoongi to return. ‘Should I go?’ Jin’s jaw is tensed and his hazel eyes have taken more of its godly golden hues. Jin’s Divine characteristics will only show whenever he possesses strong emotions. His eyes have completely turned golden as he fiddles with the pendant. He is insanely worried for his best friend for Yoongi is known to make impulsive decisions that may and may not cost everyone their asses. ‘Of course, I should. It’s only right, right?’ He wonders, fingers grabbing the ruby a tad bit too tightly.

             “Yoongi isn’t stupid, you know.” Namjoon mumbles staring at the beautiful male before him, worry etches on his lover’s delicate features. The demon takes the cigarette that was sitting in between his plump lips with his thumb and forefinger and blows the smoke before he looks away. He is equally as worried as his lover. But instead of making a run towards his prince, he hopes Yoongi would seek for his insights before doing anything.

             “You’re right, he isn’t. But he’s known for making rash decisions and he’s someone who acts impulsively. For all you know he has long flown back to Gehenna.” Jin huffs, folding his arms across his chest. Gehenna is the central city of Infernum and is where the castle is located. “Can’t you please go check on him?” Jin stops in his tracks as he looks at Namjoon who is leaning against the railings of the balcony as the demon flicks the ash on the ash tray that looks like a gold dipped leaf.

             “He’s still on Earth. You can feel him, can’t you?” The demon takes another whiff before putting the cigarette off.

             “Yes, but for how long?” The beautiful male with golden eyes looks straight into his lover’s black eyes. He can see his own reflection in Namjoon’s void eyes and looks away. “Things are already bad enough in Gehenna. You heard Styx-noona, didn’t you? He has an army of Aqrabuamelu and Gogmagogs. If Yoongi were to charge head on-“ Jin stops himself as he grabs the pendant harder and digs his nails into his palm with the other hand that is balled up into a fist.

“Then what do you want Yoongi-hyung to do, love?” Namjoon asks, pushing his hair upwards. “Save himself and hide? Should he throw the Fallens away and see his kingdom fall down to ashes?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Jin mumbles.

“I know. But, you can’t expect him to stay idle. Yoongi-hyung isn’t like that.”

“He once was.” Jin argues petulantly and when Namjoon didn’t reply him, Jin knows he’s being childish again. “Okay,” He sighs, frowning. “So, what will happen if Yoongi knows about what happened to Hos-”

             “What will happen if I know about who?” Yoongi asks, perching on the railing of the balcony with his grand wings on display. Namjoon immediately turns around and gives space for his prince to step on the ground. Jin follows suit as the beautiful male crosses his arms across his chest.

“Well, we’re about to find out.” Namjoon mumbles as Yoongi lands on the solid ground and retracts his wings back in. Yoongi had originally looked at Jin for answers but when he sees for a split second the Divine’s eyes turn to the right, Yoongi immediately finds out that Jin is trying to sugar coat it. At that point, in Yoongi’s eyes, Jin is no longer relevant to give him the answers he wants. Therefore, the prince averts his eyes towards his advisor. Namjoon isn’t like his lover. He’s a straight forward man. It’s probably because it’s always better if you don’t try to cover shit up when a problem comes. It makes the solving easier. “So?” The prince asks, greyish blue eyes staring straight into his advisor’s eyes.

             “Hob-ah got stabbed.” Yoongi looks taken aback at the answer but still keeps a tight hold of his breaking façade. Namjoon quickly analyses Yoongi as he chooses his next words carefully. “Guk is currently looking up into the matter but it seems that the perpetrator wasn’t aiming for his vital organs. The incision is deep and it hit his wings so he will need some time to get back on his feet.”

             “Where was he attacked?” Namjoon licks his lower lip as he wonders on how to answer his prince. When his advisor hesitates to answer him, Yoongi presses on. “Namjoon, I’ll ask again.” It was no secret that Yoongi has been livid since he received the call from Guk. First, it’s the bastard in his abode and now Hoseok got slashed. Why does everyone think it’s okay to fuck with him? “Where. The. Fuck did he get stabbed?”

             “Bunga.” Namjoon sees how Yoongi’s eyes change in a matter of seconds and he had never been truly afraid of the prince before him until he witnesses how heavy the air gets almost immediately after. Bunga is a restricted area where ill willed creatures and evil spirits like Sluaghs can’t enter. Yoo Jung have made it so and the barrier had been up for as long as she’s alive and well.

             ‘If Hobi is attacked in Bunga… Shit.’ Yoongi grits his teeth as he tries to let the situation sink in properly. He has too much on his plate at the time and he couldn’t attend to all of them personally. The prince knows he can handle the bastard in his own birth country and his trusted advisor to handle the mermaid in Sweden. “Namjoon,”

“Sweden, right?” His dark pink haired advisor immediately calls Jackson as he patiently explains the change of plans.

And now, who will Yoongi send to check on his mother? He usually sends Hoseok but unfortunately, the angel isnt deemed to be useful at the moment. A certain blonde-haired Divine with hazel eyes should be the next most suitable candidate but the demon knows how much the older man hates returning to his roots. The next most suitable candidate is the prince himself. ‘Is it possible to check on mom before going back to Gehenna?’ Yoongi wonders and purses his lips.  

             “Don’t make such an ugly face, Yoongi.” Jin sighs, hand still twirling the ruby necklace. Kim Seokjin knows that he had done so much for Min Yoongi in the past but nothing he does can ever top the favour Yoongi had made for him; the one that grants him freedom. “I’ll go confirm Queen Yoo Jung’s status. I just need you to promise me to not be fucking stupid and use your head once in a while.” The blonde said without any bite behind it.

“Maybe I am an idiot but are you even aware that you’re serving the wrong king?” The mint-haired mumbles.

“Oh, please.” Seokjin snorts. “Wrong king, right king… Is there even such a thing? If you ever need my insight on this, I think there is no such thing as a right ruler. There is only a ruler who is more humane. So, if you’re telling me to stop, I will refuse. Why? Because I am listening to a ruler who cares about his people. Also, don’t give me a lecture on the whole Hera thing. The old hag can go fuck herself for all I care. There’s nothing wrong in helping you at all. Pushing everything aside, I’m just helping my friend.” The hazel eyed Divine places his hand on Yoongi’s head. If Aphrodite can give pleasure to those she touches, Jin calms them down. “On another hand, please bring Gukkie along with you if you’re planning to go to Gehenna. We don’t know what kind of army the bastard owns so please don’t go alone. Please. Going alone is no different than committing suici-.”

“Alright,” Yoongi sighs, cutting his friend off. “You’re babbling and I understand where you’re coming from.” Yoongi looks up to Jin and closes his eyes in frustration when he sees the worry behind his friend’s clear, golden eyes. “I want results and I dont want you to come back injured.”

“Where’s your fucking trust, Yoongi?” Jin huffs, fingers playing with the ruby pendant. He isn’t confident about this at all. But he’s the only one fit for this job at the moment. He knows it. Yoongi knows it. Namjoon knows it.

“Alright, then. Get me Gukkie.”  

‘I guess Jimin and my banana chocolate milkshake and coffee have to wait.’

             As soon as Jin enters the entrance to Olympus with his see-through pink floral lace shirt and a pair of black trousers and long earrings, he immediately received ‘the glorious’ unwanted attention. He takes off his rose coloured sunglasses with a fancy twirl of his hand before putting them on his fluffy hair. His hazel eyes hold his anxiety behind the fake confidence his form radiates. His plump glittered and glossed lips curls upwards into a smile as he takes in the city he loves so much but never misses. How can he not love Olympus? The place radiates from the most expensive jewels and rocks they make his feet tremble. There are so many beautiful things, they blind his hazel eyes.

             Gold isnt as precious here in Paradisus than it is on Earth. In the city of Olympus, gold aren’t worn as accessories. Instead, they are moulded to be used as a primary ingredient to for a lot of things and some of which are the manors of the Gods and Goddesses, cutleries and toilet seats. Precious metals on earth are only used and utilized in that way. Stones that can be found on Earth usually grace the very ground they walk on. The Divines only wear precious stones found in the land of Paradisus and they are nothing compared to the Cartier Seokjin wears so proudly around his neck. He then thought that maybe he could get either Namjoon or Yoongi to get him upset to get his hands on one of the beautiful diamond earrings he saw which are sold at a highly ridiculous price.

Neverthless, he walks with his head up high; showing it off as he smiles at the way the ruby shines and how it complements his skin tone. He smiles at everyone he crosses paths with politely. Even though they are all judging him with their eyes, Seokjin tries to not let them get to him. One of the children running around has her eyes fixated on him and it warms his heart to see that at least the young don’t judge him. He waves his hand at her as to which she giddily replies back with two hands. When her mother turns to look, Seokjin couldnt explain how mortified and disgusted she was at her daughter for waving at him. “Darling, don’t mix around with someone like that. He is a humiliation to us all.” Seokjin frowns at the ‘subtlety’ before she drags her daughter away.

The little girl, however disregards her mother and continues to wave at him. He gives her a genuine smile as he begins to get hyperaware of the attention he receives just by waving at a little girl. And so, he continued walking down the streets. He isnt even dressed his level best and he couldn’t help but indulge the attention they shower him and the whispers that come with the ogling. ‘Have I really became this handsome to get this kind of attention from everyone?’ he thought smugly even when deep down, he knows that, that isnt the case.

             Kim Seokjin is very used to the looks they throw his way. Their gazes – he noted – have never changed and neither did the content of their loud whispers. ‘Ugh someone please give them a tutorial on how to be subtle.’ He thought bitterly as he shamelessly struts onto Paradisus’s busiest street. The Divines mostly have a colourful vocabulary when it comes to describe Seokjin, Aphrodite’s only son as the latter embraces and welcomes the hatred and disgust in their eyes. It makes him feel welcomed; it makes him feel at home – for his mother has the same pair of eyes as them. He grew up with those eyes.

When he thinks about it… Yoongi and Namjoon are the only two who didn’t look at him like he’s a vile creature who isnt worth taking care of. They look at him the way he had always wanted to be seen – raw and beautiful and thirsty of love. He dare say his thirst is now half quench by the attention and the love Namjoon showered him every night. Every little kiss and touch – all so careful and full of love. Namjoon treated him like he’s fragile – like he’s the most precious stone in Paradisus and again and again he devotes his love for him until Seokjin couldn’t breathe.

And just like that, he becomes prettier with every attention and love.

             As for Yoongi, it was maybe that fateful day where Yoongi beat the other Divine kids up and stood up for him. The prince yelled something about friendships and loyalty. It used to be hilarious in his ears but as Seokjin gets to know the prince, he realised that all Yoongi had ever wanted was to be seen and deemed enough for his father. Yoongi was just like him.

             Seokjin is snapped out of his daydream when a familiar perfume hits his olfactory. The perfume – this wretched flowery scent that is smothering and asphyxiating him means she is close. And she is the reason why he dreaded coming back.

While his wild, fearful eyes roamed the streets, his heart stops when his hazel eyes finally meet her own pair of hazel. The colour and the liquid in their eyes are the same as the mother and son stared at each other from across the street.

             Yoongi and Jeongguk had parted ways the minute they open a portal to Infernum. Yoongi had gone to Gehenna, the central city while Jeongguk went to the Styx River near the Saqar district where Styx and her lover, Acheron resides. As soon as Jeongguk gets there, the heavy air of Infernum begins to take a toll on him. He breaks into fits of cough as he tries to calm his body. His body must have gone into a shock due to change on environment. It isnt because he had spent most of his life on Earth but it’s more like he couldn’t spend the rest of his life in Infernum. Jeongguk has always resented this weak part of him but how can he ever reject the ones who made him?

             When he calmed down, Jeongguk took small and frequent breaths to calm his body down and once it is more familiar with the air, he is finally able to breathe normally again. ‘Baby steps,’ he reminds himself as he makes his way to Styx and Acheron’s love nest. When their small house is in view, Jeongguk jogs slowly towards their house, still being mindful of the limited air he could take in. As soon as the house is in proximity, he hears Styx’s loud screams and without much thinking, Jeongguk bolts towards the door, ignoring the burn in his chest and the ripples of violent coughs that are trying to escape his system.

He had broken the door down when Styx screamed louder only to find her struggling in her lover’s arms. “Hyung, what’s happening?” Jeongguk asks as Acheron keeps a vice grip on his lover’s fluid body. He keeps letting her slip past his fingers and she keeps crying and screaming. It was insanity. It was pure chaos.

“Her eyes were gouged out.” Acheron said to the black-haired boy standing in the middle of his home in a grim voice as he tackles Styx into a hug. “Please, love…” He whispers into her ear in a begging tone. “Please come back to me.” He repeats in the same soothing voice as he rocks her back and forth. “Love, please, listen to me. It’s alright, now. The prince had come. Jeongguk is here, too. No one is going to hurt you anymore.” Styx’s eyes are her weak spot and also her strong spot. She has now turned to water and her eyes are the only thing that she was allowed to keep to witness the oaths taken by the gods and goddesses – Fallens, Divines and everything in between.

And now, it has been taken away from her.

With a final scream, Styx had thrown something away before she passes out. One of the things that she had thrown hit his favourite brown boots. Out of curiosity, he had bend over and taken the peculiar object. His blood turns cold when he realises the object had been her eye. Jeongguk knows for a fact that gotten her eyes ripped off hurt and growing it out hurt even more. The memories that came with it are even worse. “Help Y’ngi.” Styx mumbles in her sleep and Acheron looks at her, pained to leave her side.

“Hyung, go. I’ll stay with her.” Jeongguk said and with a curt nod, Acheron left. Who was he to defy his lover and the prince’s brother? As soon as the Guardian Acheron left, Jeongguk stares at the eyeball in his hand and without hesitation, he pops the eyeball into his mouth.

Yoongi had never once in his life ever thought that he will have to face this situation one day. It is rather hilarious to him that these are the creatures that was once sweeping and cleaning the ground he walks on and now are throwing a rebellion against him. ‘All the fucking ugly and ungrateful little pieces of shit.’ He growls as his eyes scan the giants, the race of destruction – the Gog Magogs and the Aqrabuamelu flooding his castle.

Amongst them, he could see 4 of his fine palace guards with their weapons pointed straight at him.

“Prince Yoongi, please, we don’t want to hurt you.” Leviathan pleads as she slithers closer to him.

“Come on, Levi, don’t be a pussy. We’ve all been waiting for a long time to kick his ass and this whole rebellion is a perfect chance.” Mammon jumps on his feet. It has been a while since he had gotten excited.

“Yes, but not like this, Mammon.” Leviathon frowns, looking at her prince sorrowly. “He’s still our prince and any attacks on him will mean treason.” The serpent tries to reason out.

“You, not wanting to serve our rightful king itself is treason.” One of the Gogmagogs hiss as they raise their weapon up.

“How dare you raise those things you call weapons up against me?” Leviathan turns, her eyes turning dark red. “Know your place for I can easily gobble you all up.”

“You should watch your mouth. There’s a million of us. Remember that our kind are made to destroy. We are the race who will drink all your seas up and beyond.” One of them seethes. “We are enough to devour you.”

“Enough.” Yoongi said, retracting his wings. “I didn’t come here to witness your fight. Those who wish to fight me may advance and those who you don’t, stand back.” The prince said, eyes turning black and the first two who came lunging at him had him swat them back just fine. When the giants came in and the Aqrabuamelu joined the party, Yoongi knows he was fucked.

He could feel his wings getting plucked off and his skin bitten off. The giants had kicked him and slammed him against the tiles.

Before he blacked out, he could taste the blood in his mouth and randomly thought that maybe something with marshmallows would taste more like Jimin.

Back in a hospital in one of Paradisus’s province, Mejiwoo was looking out of the window from her hospital bed with a cup of strawberry flavoured tea in her hands. She had requested to be sent to a more peaceful area of Paradisus where the Gods and Goddesses here are much tamer than they are in the capital. They are less stuck up and acted more of a Divine here in the countryside. They teach their children to be grateful and happy. It the only place where the buildings aren’t built with gold and pavement aren’t paved with precious stones. Everything is normal, peaceful and calm.

And suddenly, the beautiful angel thought of her twin brother. Three soft knocks on the door before it opens, revealing an elderly nurse, holding a bouquet of hyacinths. She stares at the bouquet in her arms and sighs. “Throw them away.” She said, frowning.

“Are you sure, honey?”

“Yes. I don’t need those flowers.”

“But the sender must have felt really guilty. They are always hyacinths…”

“I know what they mean.” Mejiwoo said, not meaning to be rude as she bites her lower lip. “It’s just I’m waiting for a sign to know that he remembers me.”  

And it’s true. She couldn’t bear to face him knowing that he wouldn’t remember each touch and each kiss and memories engraved in her heart. It hurt. Each day, she was hoping for another flower – the flower. So that she knows Yoongi can somehow remember her or even remember what they have been through. She wasn’t searching for forgiveness. She had forgiven him a long time ago. She just wants him to remember. Remember himself, remember her, remember them.

“Please, Yoongi.  Please, remember me.” Mejiwoo whispers into the air like a secret as it evaporates into the air.

[jonsa101]

Is Jon Snow Weirdly Following in Robb’s Footsteps or is He Playing the Game?

One thing I find strange about Season 7 and part of Season 6 is that Jon seems to be following in Robb’s footsteps:

Robb is proclaimed King in the North

Jon is proclaimed King in the North

Robb ignores Catelyn’s wise council

Jon ignores Sansa’s wise council(season 6)

Robb falls in love with a foreigner (Talisa)

Jon “falls in love” with a foreigner(Dany)

They’re probably many more comparisons I can make but these are just some of the of the most apparent. Jon knows how the North feels about Robb’s relationship with Talisa. He also knows about the North’s stubborn nature and how they feel about “outsiders.”

What’s even stranger is that before Jon leaves for Dragonstone, we get a strong warning from Sansa telling Jon to be smarter than Ned and Robb. Yet in season 7, it seems like Jon has thrown caution to the wind and has fallen “madly in love” with Daenerys literally walking in his brothers footsteps regardless of the consequences.

My question is why is the show making such an obvious comparison/parallel between Jon and Robb and why are they putting so much emphasis on Robb’s past actions/mistakes?

I have two ideas on this:

1. They are either showing us that Jon hasn’t learned from his mistakes and his families mistakes and that he has truly fallen for Daenerys. Which will lead to his doom just like his brother.

Or

2. They are showing us Jon apparently falling in love with Daenerys when in actuality he is playing the game and trying to secure an alliance.

Robb’s ultimate demise was believing that everything will turn out fine if he married Talisa. He believed that the Frey’s would completely forgive him for breaking an oath without any consequences. But that’s not how the game works and that’s not Game of Thrones. Robb learned the hard way.

Jon’s ultimate demise was believing that Night’s Watch will see the greater good by creating an alliance with the Wildlings. Their ultimate enemy was the White Walkers and they needed to band together to defeat them. They didn’t see it that way and Jon was murdered. Jon learned the hard way.

I honestly don’t think that Jon would willingly follow his brothers footsteps (falling in love with Dany/bending the knee), knowing how the North feels about outsiders, Targaryens, and Robb’s past and think it would have a positive outcome. Jon and Dany are doomed whichever way you look at it.

Some people might believe that it’s not going to matter that Jon and Dany are together or that he bent the knee to Dany because the White Walkers are coming but I think that just really naive thinking.

Politics, alliances and the political game will always rule in Game of Thrones. R+L=J hasn’t been built up from season 1 for everyone to get along, sing kumbaya, and defeat their common enemy. The last episode of season 7 was proof of enough. Everyone has always fought for their own agendas and I believe Jon’s agenda I solely for the love of his family and his home.

Once Jon and Dany arrive there is going to be some serious tension. As soon R+L=J is revealed(which will probably be in the first or second episode) political chaos will ensue. The North is not going to jump for joy because Dany brought her dragons to “save them” from the White Walkers and Dany isn’t gonna roll over for Jon and be like “yay babe, I’m so happy you’re the heir to the Iron Throne.” 🙄

I say all that to say that I believe that Jon is being smarter than Robb. That he isn’t willingly making choices that would upset his people and he’s playing the game. I actually don’t think that he hates or is repulsed by Dany. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s really physically attracted to Dany honestly. I mean let’s face it y’all she is STUNNING and it would make sense on why they ended up sleeping together.

But does that mean that Jon loves her? No I don’t think so not by a long shot. Does being attracted to Daenerys make it easier for him to secure an alliance. Yep and that idea is way more plausible.

[unreadable0]

Prompt

Thanks for the amazing prompt ask @kuropikt ! Man, I was really excited to get started on this one! This one ended up kind of crack-y, but I hope that you like it! This features a de-aged Kuroro and an expasperated Kurapika who has to play nanny. 

75. (edited) “Get back here and put on a shirt!”

Kurapika was sure that he was being punished for something. 

Had it been any other form of divine retribution, Kurapika would have had no qualms. He was sure that he would have deserved it, even. But not this time. Not when his punishment came in the form of an innocent-looking, four-year-old version of his worst enemy. 

Ugh.

Even the man’s vile fur coat had shrunk to fit his new, much smaller body. The boy looked up at him with confusion and complete, foolish trust. Kurapika sighed. 

He hadn’t even been looking for the Phantom Troupe leader in the first place! Heck, he’d stopped doing that years ago, and Kurapika had just started learning how to live a semi-normal life when Lucilfer had crash landed (literally) onto his front steps, a slip of paper sticking out of his front pocket. 

‘Sorry, I fucked up. Please watch over this package for me until I come to collect it in a few days,’ it read, and the only thing that identified the writer of the note was a hasty scribble of a clown at the bottom left corner. 

Kurapika decided that he hated clowns. Perverted, pink-haired clowns, to be specific. Oh, how he wished he could just pummel Hisoka into oblivion... that would save him so much trouble in the long run. 

Sighing, Kurapika turned his attention back to the smiling child a couple feet away from him. He had time to plot Hisoka’s timely demise later; there were bigger problems he had to deal with at the moment.

“Older sister? Older sister can you play with me?”

A tick developed at Kurapika’s eyebrow. “I’ve told you before, Lucilfer, I’m not your older sister,” he told the boy sternly. “If anything, I’m your older brother,” he muttered to himself. 

“Okay, older brother!” Kuroro exclaimed, a cheerful grin playing at his lips.

Shit. I guess his nen-enhanced hearing carried over as well.

At least he seemed to have forgotten how to access his pesky hatsu.

Kurapika exhaled slowly. It was going to be a long couple of days. Kuroro seemed to sense his pessimistic thoughts, and shot him the brightest, most adorable toddler smile imaginable. 

Kurapika almost smiled. Almost.

Three weeks later...

“Get back here and put on a clean shirt, for crying out loud!”

“No!” Kuroro protested, darting off with his favorite, now-stained shirt. 

Kurapika chased the dark-haired boy down the hall. “Kuroro, please stop running! You’re going to fall and hurt yourself!”

The child just giggled and ran even faster, much to Kurapika’s dismay. Sighing, the blond wearily sat down. He was way too old for this. He was only 21, but still. 

It was strange. Twenty-one days had passed, and he found that it was getting harder and harder to see the four year old boy as his worst enemy with each moment that he spent with the boy. After all, how could such a sweet—if not a bit mischievous—child be the cold-blooded murderer that he had come to know? It was as if his mind had made them separate entities entirely. 

Speaking of which, Kuroro did not seem to be much of a toddler anymore. If anything, he seemed to have grown a couple years in the past few weeks. Perhaps it was a side-effect of whatever curse that had been set on him in the first place. With any luck, Kuroro would be back to his infuriating adult self in a few weeks. Good thing that Kurapika had burned that blasted coat while he’d had the chance. Currently the kid was dressed more tastefully in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. 

“Kurapika, is something wrong?” Sparkling grey eyes peered up at him questioningly, and the blond found himself smiling fondly. Wait, fondly?

“Just a bit tired of chasing you around the whole day,” Kurapika explained, pretending to swoon for added dramatic effect. “I think I’ll just sleep now and not cook you dinner. Ah! It’s all your fault, you cruel monster!” 

“No! I’m sorry Kurapika! I didn’t mean to!” the boy cried, latching onto him like some sort of affectionate leech. “Please, please cook dinner! I promise I’ll never do it again!” Kuroro sniffled against his shirt, and Kurapika ruffled his hair playfully. 

“I’m just joking with you. I could never be mad at you, Kuroro,” the blond assured him without thinking. How ironic his words were.

“Really?” Something flickered in the boy’s eyes, something sharper and more familiar. 

Kurapika froze. 

“Yay!” Kuroro shouted, hugging onto him tighter, and the previous tightness evaporated in an instant. 

Relaxing, Kurapika hoped that it had just been his imagination. With a pang, he realized that he was going to miss the little kid once the spell had worn off. Ever since Kuroro had started living with him, Kurapika had been forced to adopt a normal routine. He would wake up to a hyper kid shaking him awake at precisely 7 am, who would then drag him downstairs to cook breakfast for the both of them. Then he would complete his papers for the Zodiacs and entertain Kuroro while doing so. Instead of falling asleep on top of his work, Kurapika would tuck in the child before turning in for the night himself, as the two of them shared a room, anyway.

Heck, if Kuroro’s spell remained permanent, then he’d consider renting a two-bedroom apartment instead. He certainly had the money to, anyway...

Wait, why am I even thinking about this? Shouldn’t I be waiting for any chance to boot him out?

Two more weeks later...

Kurapika smiled softly as the dark-haired boy frowned in his sleep, and he closed the story book he had been reading. Flicking off the light, he tried to disperse the nervous thoughts that had gathered in the back of his mind as he crawled onto a nearby futon. He had learned early on that Kuroro didn’t like sleeping by himself in the dark, based off of the first handful of nights in which he had been woken up by a distressed toddler wailing about the monsters under his bed. 

It had become second nature, now, to read a quick excerpt to the child before tucking him in for the night. Kuroro had grown four-and-a-half years in the past five weeks, by Kurapika’s estimation, and he was about to make a good twenty-year jump over night, if Hisoka’s note was any indication. 

The clown had finally made contact with him, in the form of a very irritated letter. Kurapika had promptly shredded the note as soon as he had read it, but the main thing that he got from it was that Hisoka was a creepy pervert that should not be let around kids. Oh, and the fact that Hisoka had worked out a deal with whomever had cursed Kuroro in the first place. Kuroro would be returned to his original state by morning. 

Thinking about it made Kurapika feel a bit uneasy. Best case scenario would be that Lucilfer wouldn’t remember anything and Kurapika could feel free to kick him out without remorse. But even that would be slightly upsetting, due to the fact that Kurapika would have to return to his boring ways of paperwork and Zodiac meetings. 

Right as Kurapika was starting to drift off to sleep, too worn out by his worrisome thoughts, he realized that he probably should have just slept in the living room. Or in a hotel, for that matter. Oh, well. Too late for that now.

For the first time in thirty-five days, Kurapika woke up to silence. As soon as he opened his eyes, with the sun trickling in from opened curtains, he knew that something was very, very wrong. 

One, because he had somehow ended up back on his own bed, something that had not happened in weeks. Two, there was no sound or movement to be heard whatsoever, but Kurapika could feel Lucilfer’s aura presence in his vicinity. 

No...

Turning slightly to the other side of the bed, Kurapika screamed in terror. There, face just inches away from his own, was none other than Kuroro Lucilfer, in all his adult glory. Which meant that he was also blatantly without clothes, assuming that the clothes that he had been wearing didn’t fit anymore. There was a pleased grin on Lucilfer’s lips, and Kurapika had a feeling that the other man had been watching him for quite some time.

“Holy shit,” Kurapika whispered, and he had never backpedaled off of a bed so quickly in his whole life. 

“Hey,” Lucilfer greeted, voice perfectly smooth and not at all resembling the child-like one that Kurapika had grown so accustomed to. With one swift movement, the Spider Head pulled the blond back to his chest, and Kurapika tried his best not full-out panic. 

Trying his best to escape the other’s vice-like grip, Kurapika averted his eyes to protect his modesty. “Lucilfer, please unhand me. If we work together, you can leave as soon as possible without any further issues.”

The dark-haired man inhaled deeply, hugging the Kurta even closer, if that was possible. “I do believe that I liked it better when you called me by my first name.”

“I’ll do that when hell freezes over,” Kurapika hissed, trying not to get too comfortable. “Now let me go, or I won’t be held accountable for the consequences.”

“But I thought that you could never be mad at me, Kurapika,” Lucilfer replied smugly, and Kurapika closed his eyes and counted to ten. Damn it! I knew those words would come back to bite me later!

“So you remember everything?” Kurapika hazarded, still trying to pry the other man’s fingers off of his waist. 

All he got was a hum in response, and if Kurapika had been any less conscious of his situation, he might have called it cute. 

“You’re not going to let this go, aren’t you?”

Kurapika could practically feel Kuroro smile into his back. “This whole situation or you? Well, no for both.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Aww, but you loved me yesterday.”

Scoffing, Kurapika paused in his attempts to free himself in favor of turning to look at the Phantom Troupe leader. “That was when you were still a more complacent and agreeable kid, dumbass.”

“That just means that I’ll have to make you love me at this age, too.”

“That’s gross. Almost pedophilic for me,” Kurapika retorted. 

“Not if we were interested in each other before I was turned into a toddler,” Lucilfer responded quickly. 

“You—I wasn't—what?” the blond was sure that his head was going to explode. 

“Ooh, this is going to be fun.”

Sorry, I have to cut this off here. Sorry for the weird-as-butt plot here, but let me now if you want to read more! I would really like to fully edit this blurb and further it, but I don’t know if I’ll find the time or inspiration to. This was super fun to write, but unfortunately I had to multi-task as I was doing so. I hope that you liked it!

[thegloriouscollectorlady]

well, post mid season finale, what are your thoughts concerning daryl's arc that you previously laid out? did we hear/see enough to think he is done "going rogue"? his comment to dwight about going to hilltop "all together" possibly signals he has learned his lesson? his holding judith melted me---i would love to be done with rogue daryl :) thoughts on beth's return? did we have to fall even lower to appreciate "hope" when she arrives? do you see carl's death as demise of show as some do? tks!      I am very sorry to whoever sent this in for not getting to this ask sooner and also I apologize because I had some technical difficulties with the tagging and accidentally deleted the original ask. Thankfully I still had the text from the ask in my email inbox so I could copy it into this response . I saw it and really wanted to respond but life has been very hectic with work and the holidays coming and there just haven’t been enough hours in the day. But I am hoping to have some free time this weekend to address this and so much more having to do with the MSF because I actually have a lot to say about it. 

     Okay so for the first part of this what are my thoughts concerning Daryl’s arc? As far as Daryl goes I honestly think it will be very interesting to see where he goes from here. Some positives from the MSF. . . he got his vest back (yay!) , he didn’t kill Dwight on sight when he had just vowed to do so, and he was holding Judith again which to me signaled some very important things about where Daryl’s head is. Remember back to when the group arrived at the ASZ and Daryl was so defeated. He was barely hanging on and he told Deanna that he was going to try to make the ASZ work because of the boy and the baby. They became his reason to persevere after losing Beth. I think that we can assume that Daryl’s love for those children is multifaceted because of course Rick is his brother and he loves them for that reason but Daryl also has a very unique bond with Judith and was well aware as was everyone of Beth’s love for the little girl. So I think we can’t discount that connection and what it means to Daryl so to see him holding Judith again after such a long time of not doing so was very moving. Also the context of the moment is very telling and suggests a lot of things. Then of course Daryl does indeed say that they need to go to the Hilltop “all together” suggesting that he has most likely learned his lesson about going rouge. He’s also probably anticipating that Rick is going to need him and in true brother fashion he is going to be there for him no matter what differences they might have had to this point. The seismic shift that we see happening in the MSF is either going to do one of two things. It’s either going to bring all of TF together like the shift we saw after losing Tye and Beth in Them (5.10) or it’s going to drive an even bigger wedge between members of the group. I think given Gimple’s style that this change will serve to bring the group together for the final parts of the war. I think we will have to wait and see what this means for Daryl’s overall emotional state but I think the last episode or so has drawn Daryl back from the ledge enough that he realizes he can’t just keep acting on his own. We saw his kill them all on sight mentality tempered a bit in his response to Dwight so I think overall we may be headed in a better direction for Daryl. 

     Now on to the second part of this ask which has to do with the direction the show has taken in the MSF and what that means for the show overall. Do I think that Carl’s death heralds in the end of the show? What does this all mean for Beth? I have lots of thoughts on this and I am hoping to post more on it later today but overall in summation I think that Carl’s fate has had an interesting effect on the audience. I’ve listened to lots and lots of people talk about this and write about this and the overall attitude of most people is that the show is in trouble and this last twist in the narrative is a death knell for the show. The fascinating thing to me is that people don’t seem able to actually verbalize why they feel this way beyond general statements of everything about the show has become about being hopeless and about death and suffering. Now I actually agree with this because thematically this has been a thing for a while on the show. I started to think back over the last few seasons and I realized something. This theme of hopelessness and darkness and loss has been a steady ongoing pervasive part of the show since a specific point in the story and that point can be related directly back to Beth. Season 4 had its low points it did. After all this is an apocalyptic drama but overall the general theme was one of hope and perseverance. There were many tiny moments of triumph most of the characters experience dynamic and rewarding growth. Then we moved to 5A and again there was still hope. Even at Terminus TF was sure they would overcome. It wasn’t until Coda that we began to see this dynamic shift in a marked way. Beth’s death heralded in a whole new theme. Think back to the final scenes of Coda when Daryl is standing in the courtyard of Grady and the camera pans back and opens up (in an eerily similar shot to what we just saw in the final moments of 8.8 but in reverse) leaving Daryl and Beth sort of the focal point at a distance with storm clouds gathering in the background. This is the point where thematically the show shifts to a much darker place. After this point the losses just continue to pile up for TF with one after another and while there are small moments of triumph overall the theme becomes much darker. I think that is what the audience is picking up on and can’t verbalize. That pervasive and suffocating feeling of loss that started with Beth and which has continued. The interesting thing to me is that thematically 8.8 was the darkest episode to date. The lighting was even dark and they chose to do it at night in the absence of light and it is during this time that the characters are dealt their biggest blow in the inevitable loss of Carl. For TF this has to be the darkest moment that they’ve faced in possibly ever and with this writing choice Gimple has brought the audience emotionally to the same place the characters are at. Rick, Michonne, Daryl, C@rol, Maggie this final loss is guaranteed to bring them to their lowest darkest place and because of the writing and the way Gimple and his team set this up they’ve managed to do the same to the audience. They’ve made the audience feel what the characters are feeling. What are most people saying about the show? Most commonly what’s the point, why bother watching if there is no hope, it’s too depressing to keep watching, they have no future now so how can this show even continue, how can the show recover from such a low point. The thing is that the writers have presented a lot of those same questions to the characters with this loss so they’ve managed to elicit in the audience a lot of the same feelings the characters themselves would be feeling.       It’s something I find absolutely fascinating and I wonder if they will be able to capitalize on. Done correctly this could be a huge moment for the show. We saw tons and tons of tunnel symbolism around Carl in 8.8 and upon examination Beth and Carl’s stories are too similar for it to be a coincidence. It’s also my personal opinion that this change in the story was something Gimple was planning all along or at least was planning as an option all along. There are hints as far back as S4 that the show might be headed in this direction eventually and there have been subsequent scenes since then that hinted at this outcome. So I don’t believe this was in any way a last minute choice. That’s just my opinion though and I understand that not everyone feels that way. But where do I see the show going from here? Well here’s what I hope to touch on in later posts this weekend to give you an idea of what I am thinking. First of all the tunnel symbolism we’ve seen since S5 with Emily and Chad’s title card was thrown at us hard and heavy in 8.8. I think the thematic darkness we’ve seen since 5.8 with Beth’s death is related to this tunnel and I think that Carl’s death in 8.8 is the completion of this theme and the last we will see of the tunnel symbolism. This is the darkest moment TF has ever faced and after this they will come out of the tunnel into the light. All the deaths and things we’ve seen related to the tunnel symbolism since S5 can be connected through the completion of Carl’s arc in 8.8 and what I expect we might see in 8.9. Gimple is a master story teller when it comes to pulling these story threads together so I think 8.9 might reveal some very interesting things. Given that I believe the tunnel symbolism began in 5.8 with Beth and will end because of what was revealed in 8.8 I think it’s interesting to consider that there are a lot of similarities between Carl’s arc and Beth’s arc. Too many similarities for it to be a coincidence. Then of course there is all the foreshadowing that has been happening since S4 and what exactly does that mean for the future of the show and the passing of the torch? So I think there are still a lot of things to discuss.      Overall though I personally am very intrigued to see where the show goes from here. I know there are a lot of people who are no longer enjoying the show or want to watch it. That’s of course their prerogative. I’ve always said that this show is meant to be enjoyed. That all fiction is meant to be enjoyed and that if you’re no longer doing that maybe it’s time to move on. Good fiction and literature is meant to be a respite from real life. It isn’t intended to make your real life more stressful or miserable. Therefore if you’re no longer enjoying something you shouldn’t continue to engage with it. However, I see this change in story as possibly opening up so many doors that haven’t previously been options. Such a radical change in direction will allow Gimple to do things with the television show that could not be done in the comics. Gimple is a very different type of story teller than Kirkman. Not that one is better than the other they are just different and I think this change allows Gimple to pursue the story he wants to tell which I think could be very exciting. I think we’ve seen enough hints for where this might be headed that I want to see what the actual outcome is. Hey maybe we are wrong and it has nothing to do with what we think it does but maybe we are right too and I want to see what actually happens moving forward. After all this is fiction and anything can happen in fiction so I am excited to see what Gimple does with the possibility of anything can happen from this point forward because the roadmap has been set on fire. Everything we the audience thought we knew and assumed had to happen has changed with this pivotal change in story and it’s opened the door to possibilities most people never even considered. One thing I am sure of is that Gimple has a plan for those possibilities. You know what maybe it’s a horrible plan. I concede that’s totally possible but maybe it’s a genius plan too. Gimple is the man who rewrote Andrea’s pointless death and turned it into a meaningful story, Gimple is the man who wrote episodes such as 18 miles Out, Clear, The Grove, “A”, What Happened and What’s Going on, The First Day of the Rest of your Life, and Mercy, Gimple is the man who orchestrated the conclusion of major arcs such as Tye’s, Abe’s, Sasha’s. These are beautiful and intricate stories and while I don’t know this for sure and I am not sure anyone does yet I would bet that Gimple will have a hand in writing 8.9 and the conclusion of this arc as well. I don’t know what Gimple has planned exactly but in my mind his past planning and writing has earned my respect and my trust in where he is going to take this story. But of course as I’ve said these are just my feelings and I respect that everyone has the right to their own and I would never fault them for that.      But do I think that Carl’s death is heralding in the end of the show? No I don’t. I think it might actually be creating a future for the show a future most can’t imagine that will reinvigorate the show and bring it back to a place of light and hope. Am I still here for Beth? Yes I very much am still here for Beth. Episode 8.8 thematically had so many links to things related to Beth and those things have piqued my interest in regards to the story. Plus there’s this and it’s what I’ve always said. Daryl’s story was intrinsically and purposefully linked to Beth’s in S4. So until we see a resolution to that through Daryl much as we saw with Sasha and Abe I am here to see where it goes. Because Gimple doesn’t leave loose ends so whatever that conclusion is one way or another it’s coming and until we see it I am sticking it out to see what happens. Plus I genuinely enjoy the show. I enjoy complex characters who are more grey than black and white and I enjoy the moral questions the show examines. I also sort of enjoy the way the writers can bring a character to their knees and make you despise them and then later redeem them in a way that has you rooting for them (cough cough Dwight). You don’t see that much on television anymore and I enjoy the complexities of the human interactions examined in the context of what would happen if the world no longer had any rules or social norms. That’s the crux of dystopian literature and it’s something I’ve always enjoyed examining and I think TWD does it in a more down and dirty way than most people dare to. Because in TWD world are there really any good guys or bad guys or are they all just people trying to survive in whatever way they know how?

[thewrongjackpot]

It’s been a hot minute

**Warning: this is LONG. This is an update to cover several months** 

My bad, it's been a while. I thought I would have been better about this but… ya know… cancer is one hell of a female dog.  Ha. So here we are several months down the line, I think my last post was in March or April, and it's now mid-August. "What's going on?  You haven't updated us in forever!", said noone. Well I'll give you a "brief" medical update first. Then, we'll see where this goes.

When we last left off… I was home with a G- tube placed and chemo and M-F radiation were still going on. (Mid-March) About two weeks after my last hospital discharge, I went back in for pain from the compounding radiation side effects. The mucositis in my mouth and throat made it so drinking anything was painful, hence the G tube coming in handy, a lot more convenient I think than the NG tube that was in my nose.  I also was developing radiation burns along my neck that were really raw (I have pictures of you'd like to see lol). I was just in pain. I ended up staying for exactly a month. At that time, I thought I was going to be able to get a port but ended up with what I believe was my third PICC line. Also, my mom went back to Hawaii during this time due to COVID and worries about her travel back home at some other time. This brings us to Mid-April, most things are generally status quo, I'm doing my feeds, meds, and then started PT. Being in the hospital so much caused a lot of my muscles to atrophy compounded with one of my chemo meds causing neuropathy in my toes and some in my finger tips. Basically, my ability to walk was affected, and I needed some PT and also some braces to wear at home to stretch my ankles to regain range of motion so I wouldn't fall on my dumb face (like I have a couple times at this point, nothing major, but definitely was not stable). I later got braces for walking so I didn't fall on my dumb face and could safely walk around. Early June, I was finally able to get a port placed (yay!). It's so much more convenient, less maintenance, and just less to think about altogether. Around mid-June I went back in for almost four weeks for different pain management reasons. The balloon on the inside of my G-tube was going into my skin, so I had excruciating abdominal pain. They had to place a new G-tube, and messed up details aside, it was the most painful thing I ever went through. I was legitimately crying during the entire procedure, and let's just say some doctors got written up. Anyways, at least this time around I got PT while in the hospital because I didn't know that was a thing prior. Although, during this time, I also developed neuropathic pain in my feet.  Before, it was just numb/tingly, but now there was actual pain associated with it when I took a step/put any pressure on my feet. They pulled the criminal chemo drug for several weeks to let that subside and so I could improve my walking. It was early July, I was back out, and since been out. So where does that currently leave me? I’m at home with most things being status quo. I have weekly chemo, PT every other week, at home daily meds, feeds, and at home PT. However, to give you a little better idea of what I deal with daily here are the main issues I’m currently grappling with:

I can barely open my mouth maybe a centimeter, if that. So I still can’t eat. Although, I think that if I could open my mouth more, I could actually eat something. Also, this makes it so I can't really talk either.

My walking is still fairly unstable. I can’t go outside without putting on my braces.

I’m still having secretions while I sleep. Hence, I can’t sleep straight through the night nor on my back/flat (although, I’m sleeping more than before).

I’m coughing up periodically, and there’s little pieces of the tumor that come out when I do so.

It’s not too bad now. I generally know how to deal with these items or what to do to improve them. But it’s like I have to drink water over the sink because I cough up afterwards and have to spit some back out. I have to mentally prepare myself for something as simple as drinking water. There was a time my secretions were bloody overnight, and later the next day, I coughed up this big bloody piece (I also have a gross photo of this). I didn’t drink any water for a couple of days because I didn’t want to swallow anything like that or blood. My feeds cover my fluid intake as as well, so I can technically go without drinking anything. That’s just an example of a fun side effect of the side effects. This is kind of where it leaves me as far as a medical update goes. 

Okay, that’s all cool, but how are you actually doing through all of this? Good question, stranger! Right now, I’m generally okay. I actually tried to write updates, but I never finished them. One of them was particularly sad for me when I was rereading it. I want to say around the end of May through the first half of June, I was hitting one of my bigger lows. I was feeling very overwhelmed and extremely unmotivated. I barely could muster up energy and motivation for work, even when I dropped to more part-time hours. I was absolutely sick and tired of being sick and tired. My energy level was extremely low. I wanted to just sleep all day. I was losing weight because I wasn’t doing my feeds, and at one point I was going through withdrawal symptoms from the pain meds because I just didn’t want to get up and take it. At this time, I was doing continuous feeds, so I was basically connected to my pump 24/7 or at least supposed to be. I would go about 8-12 hours some days not running any feeds, so I wasn’t getting close to the calorie intake I was supposed to be. I hated being attached to my backpack (with my feeds in it) all the time. It was a constant reminder that 1. I can’t eat anything and 2. I’m not right. That compounded with all the meds I needed to take, work, and all the PT I needed to be doing, I couldn’t take it. I was getting really down about it because I had no real idea of when all this would end, and all of this was just a constant reminder that I’m sick. I absolutely hated it. I hated being sick. I hated that things weren’t normal, that I didn’t look normal. Yeah, there was a lot of progress and shrinkage, especially after radiation, but the more I would look and see that I’m still nothing close to what I once was. My doctors noticed I wasn’t as chipper during visits and recommended me to a therapist. That helped some. I only saw her a couple of times. The two biggest game changers for me were actually that they switched my feeds to a bolus schedule (larger spread out doses) and they prescribed me Ritalin. The bolus schedule for my feeds made it so I was disconnected a lot more of the time, and the Ritalin gave me more energy in my day to focus on various things, like work or household duties. For the most part, up until very recently, I've genuinely been as okay in this situation as possible.  

Recently, maybe the last week or two I've generally been more down. It kind of kick started when watching a show on Netflix (I won't name it so what I say won't ruin it). In the show the dad's cancer comes back, and he dies. I was crying during like three episodes straight. It sparked fear of the future that I won't survive this cancer, in that it'll come back and just take me. And that's already jumping ahead of just getting through it now. It sparked a lot of thoughts about death and just hoping I don't go too soon. I mean, I know people die everyday by even the smallest things, but this is an added hazard to my life. I feel that I still have so much left to give, so much love to give that I can't go yet.  I know things have been getting better for me, but death still crosses my mind, especially with treatment probably coming to a close soon.  

With that said, yes treatment is potentially ending soon, which most people would view as a good thing, but it has only made my anxiety worse. I just had new scans done this past Wednesday, and I meet with the doctors on Monday to discuss the results.  Right now, they're thinking at least three more weeks of chemo, then that might be it for treatment. As it stands right now, I know that there are still parts of the tumor left in my body, and I feel like three weeks more won't take it all away. The doctors say that whatever tumor is left should be dead, so it's just the dead tumor left in my head.  My anxiety has been worse as this is coming to a close because I'm worrying about my life moving forward. One of the things is about whether or not I'll have surgery to remove whatever dead tumor is left. Initially, they were saying surgery was most likely not going to happen because of the areas the tumor has made it to.  But with previous scans, they have taken it to the ENT surgeons, and they said it may be possible.  They're going to talk to them again with these new scans and see what they say. Location is still a big issue with this. The big dilemma in all of this is what will end up being the best choice for my future quality of life. The flip side of no surgery is that I'd be living with dead tumor in my face. Even with that, how do they know it's all dead? Would that be the reason for my future demise? My anxiety levels have been through the roof while waiting to meet with the doctors after these scans, and I'm sure after meeting with them I'll have a new set of items to be anxious about.  Even now I'm like, will I be able to ever open my mouth normally?  If I won't, will I just be tube feeding for the rest of my life? Is the numbness in my face going to be permanent?  Is my impacted hearing in my left ear going to be permanent? Is my left eye going to keep getting worse?  How long until I can walk normally on my own again?  All these questions regarding the side effects of the tumor and all the treatment are starting to hit me harder as treatment is ending. I'm starting to think about the future and what this all means for my quality of life. If I can't eat again, just take me now, it's not worth it (I'm just kidding… maybe?). So much has been weighing on me lately, and I'm trying my best to not think about it as much, but it's so hard. I haven't been sleeping as well because of it either, but I'm trying to be present in the moment and live day to day. 

Although, I'm absolutely grateful for all of those a part of my support system. They have been extremely and amazingly helpful for me, honorable mention goes out to my brother.  In this, he's been one of the most supportive people for me.  I can always count on him to cheer me up when I'm down while still acknowledging all I'm going through. I'm so grateful to have him in my life.  Just all the people I'm surrounded with, there's so much love and support and people in my corner rooting for me.  It helps me rally when I'm down. I still have so much left I want to do with my life, so much I want to contribute.  It's hopefully not my time any time soon.  

With that, thanks if you made it through the whole thing, I know it was long. Till next time, hopefully it won't be as spread out or as long.