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axoxtxhxh · 3 years

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First Date with the Vets - Erwin

Big shoutout to @chaotic-nick for making this lovely banner for me!

Overall Summary: I had this idea to do a first date with the vets and what it would be like. I am including Erwin, Levi, Miche, and Hange in this list. Each date will be different, but all of them will be set in modern au.

Check out Miche’s story here, Levi’s story here, and Hange’s story here

Pairing: Erwin x Fem!Reader

Content: Nearly all fluff

Word Count: ~ 6,100

Summary: Reader is on her way home to get ready for her blind date when she runs into a handsome stranger on her way home. On her way up to her apartment to get ready, the elevator breaks down with her and the handsome stranger stuck inside.

You were a little over a block from home, nearly running with your small bag from the convenience store clutched tightly in your hand. You hated running late. It didn’t really matter what the scheduled engagement was, you made it a point to always be the first one to show up. Today’s engagement was no different, but leave it to you to rip a hole in your pantyhose as you were getting dressed.

Your best friend, Fen, had set you up on a blind date with one of her co-workers. You hated blind dates, not to mention Fen had terrible taste in men. She had been begging you to at least meet him for a couple months now, but you kept finding reasons not to. The last time she asked, you ran out of reasons. So here you were, running back home ten minutes before he was supposed to arrive. With any luck, he will be as terrible as you expect and show up late, maybe not at all.

You turned down an alleyway, trying to save time by cutting through the side streets and picked up speed seeing your apartment building up ahead. The shortcut was quickly turning out to be a bad idea. There was only one streetlight all the way at the end and you couldn’t see anything, especially the puddle you barely missed, splashing dirty water on your leg. Perfect.

You rounded the corner quickly, ready with your key in your hand to unlock the lobby entrance when you slammed into the back of a large body standing in front of the door. Pushed back by the impact, you dropped your keys and bag on the floor, the cheap convenience store pantyhose rolling to the feet of the person you slammed into.

“Oh gosh. I’m sorry.” You reached down to pick up your stuff when the hand of the person reached it before you. A very large, strong hand with perfectly manicured fingers wrapped around the small plastic case of your pantyhose, holding it up to you.

Your eyes followed up his long arms. You could see how well-built he was even through the brown suit jacket he wore over a white button-down shirt, the top buttons undone so you could see the top of his strong chest. He had to be at least 6’2. Tall and broad.

“It’s my fault.” His ocean-blue eyes sparkled as his lips curled into a smile revealing his bright, white and honestly, dazzling smile. You almost giggled at the sight of him. “I shouldn’t make a habit of lurking in doorways.”

“It’s—uh, it’s not a problem.” You smiled, your eyes locked with his while you fumbled with your keys. Any other night. Any other night you could have stayed and chatted with this handsome stranger. But instead you had to race upstairs to finish getting ready. Your miserable Friday night was getting worse.

You finally fit your key into the keyhole and got the door unlocked, pushing it open. The handsome stranger helped you, holding it open and holding his hand to his stomach as he gestured you through. Damn, he even smelled good.

You moved quickly to the elevator, pushing the call button and trying not to focus on the handsome stranger following closely behind you.

“If you’re going to anything lower than the fifth floor, you might as well take the stairs,” you recommended, looking up to him, “this elevator takes so long, you could probably get there faster by walking.”

“I appreciate that information.” He smiled, pulling out his phone and clicking quickly, scrolling through. You used the opportunity to look at how you looked through the elevator doors.

What a hot mess you were in that moment. Your hair was a mess, your face red and sweaty, the bulky man’s coat you grabbed quickly on your way out the door hung on you like your dad’s t-shirt when you a child. The only redeeming thing about your look was your skirt. You had just bought the camel pencil skirt you were wearing a couple days ago, finding the high-slit a bit too sexy for your office, but it worked perfectly for a date night. The bottom hem shared the same dark stain from the rainwater as your legs and shoes did.

You sighed. Your shoes. You had on some old sneakers, knowing you needed to make the quick run to the store. It could have been that cute sexy-casual look if your shoes had still been white. Now they were brown and grey and smelled like a wet dog. Any chance you had in imagining this Greek god standing next to you would give you a second look were thrown out the window.

You could now see how well he was dressed. He had that dark academia look about him that made you weak. His slim-fit tweed herringbone pants accentuated the length of his legs and somehow made him look even taller, his blonde hair perfectly parted and smoothed back. He looked up from his phone and put it in his pocket.

“Looks like I’ll be taking the elevator with you.” He turned to look at you. “If you don’t mind the company.”

“Of course not.” You smiled back, biting your lip to hide your excitement. Maybe the night would be picking up after all.

The elevator dinged and the doors creaked open shakily. He held his arm out again, gesturing you inside first. It was honestly a bit unfair at how much of a gentleman he was. You dipped your head down and scurried in to hold the doors for him.

He stepped in after you and you pressed the close-door button, followed by eight, your floor. Turning to him, you noticed him staring at the buttons and asked which floor he needed.

“Eight as well.” He put his arms behind his back, and looked back at the door. You turned to face the door, mirroring him as you thought about which lucky woman on your floor was getting a visit from him. Possibly lucky man? Either way, someone was going to be having a great Friday night.

You filled your cheeks with air, puffing them up as you tried not to let yourself glance at him through the elevator doors. The building was old, the elevators dark, but it really was only the two of you and you were sure it seemed pretty obvious that you were staring.

Your eyes moved up to the numbers indicating which floor you were passing. Still only at the third floor, you let yourself peek at him from the corner of your eyes then turned your whole head when you thought he was staring at you. It turned out, he was only staring at the numbers and he quickly turned his eyes to you when he saw you turn to look at him. Damn it, you did that uncomfortable thing. You smiled and hoped that you seemed friendly and not creepy and stalker-like.

“You were quite right about the speed of the elevator.” He chuckled, a low hum that vibrated off the walls. “It’s exceptionally slow.”

You looked back at him, his teeth gleaming even in the darkness of the elevator. Was he trying to make small talk? You smiled to yourself at the attempt, assuming that’s what it was.

“It’s a pretty old buil—” The elevator slammed to a halt and cut your sentence short, both of you falling back. You reached for the rail next to you to brace yourself. The elevator lights flickered before turning off, seconds passing before the emergency lights came on.

“I take it that’s not supposed to happen.” You turned to him and shook your head.

“This is not happening.” You said aloud, more to yourself than anything. You were already running late and now this? You moved to the elevator buttons and started pushing them randomly, knowing they wouldn’t work, but hoping that your frustration was enough to get it started.

“I’m not getting a signal.” The man was holding his cell phone up in the air, trying to get a signal. “Do you want to try yours?”

You nodded and pulled out your cell phone. No bars. You tried holding it up, not reaching nearly as high as he was able to and finally trying to jump a little, trying to catch the reception you hoped sat at the ceiling. The man just stood there smiling at you until you finally noticed and you quickly turned away to hide your embarrassment.

“Maybe the phone here.” You opened the phone box to check inside only to find it empty and you dropped your head. “Damn it.”

This was even worse than how you had already thought your night was going to go. You checked your phone. You were definitely late now. Not only late, you were trapped in an elevator with no way of alerting someone that you were even there at all. Maybe Fen was right. Maybe you should have spent more money to move to a newer apartment building. You loved your little block though. Your apartment may have been old, but it was cute and had character. It was quiet on the weekends and it made the commute to work so much shorter than where you used to live. A cute apartment wasn’t helping you then though.

You heard a small sigh come from behind you and you turned around to see the man sitting on the floor. You didn’t think you were giving him any sort of look, but he stared at you for a second and then jumped up.

“My apologies.” He stuck his hand forward towards you. “My name is Erwin.”

“Y/N.” You took his hand which was surprisingly soft and gentle for someone his size.

“Y/N.” Erwin repeated. “Well we might as well get comfortable. I imagine someone will figure out the elevator stopped running soon enough.”

He sat back down on the floor, stretching his long legs out in front of him and crossing one foot over the other. He set his hand down on the area next to him and looked up at you.

“Would you like to join me?” He smiled and there was no way you were saying no to that.

One hour passed by remarkably fast. The two of you sat on the elevator floor and chatted about your jobs and where you grew up. At some point, both of your stomachs were growling and you opened up your big purse, pulling out some water and snacks. Erwin’s thick eyebrows lifted as you continued pulling out exactly what was needed.

“I like to come prepared.” You smiled shyly, hoping he wasn’t judging you.

“What else do you have in that magical bag of yours?” He scooted closer and you pulled out a bouncy ball, an old bus pass, your work keycard and a folded piece of paper. Erwin took the ball and the paper, opening it up and reading.

“Thirty-six questions to fall in love.” He held it up. “This is something you need to have with you at all times?”

“My friend gave me that.” You both laughed and you tried to grab it, but he pulled it away quickly.

“A friend, huh?” His eyes scanned over the first couple questions then looked at you. “I might be interested in asking you some of these questions.”

“Me?” Your eyes went wide. Why would he want to ask you any of those questions? You had to admit, you hadn’t actually read any of them when Fen gave you the paper, but if it’s about falling in love, you were sure the questions were about marriage and children. Why would Erwin want to ask any of those?

“I am a bit short on other participants.” He gestured around to the empty elevator. “Even so. You seem like you have a lot going on in your head.”

You looked up at him. This night was already a bust, stuck in an elevator with a stranger, albeit an incredibly handsome stranger, but a stranger nonetheless. Why not reveal all of your insecurities, past boyfriends, career failures and whatever other strange questions that paper had.

You turned your body to face him, lifting your legs until you were sitting cross-legged and placed your hands on your knees.

“Fine.” You took a deep breath. “Let’s do it.”

The rules were simple. You each ask each other a question, alternating who asks and who answers until all the questions are asked an answered. It was important they are done in order because they get increasingly more personal. After all questions were answered, you and your partner are to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes.

You couldn’t even say that was easier said than done because it really didn’t even seem all that easy just saying it. Four minutes? You’ve never looked into anyone’s eyes for longer than a couple seconds. This doesn’t even touch on the fact that these questions were going to get more personal as you moved. The only thing that made this even remotely worth it was knowing every question you had to answer, Erwin had to answer the same one and you would be lying if that wasn’t exciting you.

…..

“Number three. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?” Erwin set the list down in between you as you thought about the question. It didn’t really require that much thought honestly. You were a highly anxious person.

“Yes.” You nodded once and smiled. Erwin waited for you to keep going, but you just stared at him and then remembered. “Oh right! I ask the next one.”

You picked up the paper and Erwin took it from you, holding it above him and laughing at you as you let confusion spread across your face.

“It’s expected you also answer why.” He explained. “The idea is to get to know each other.”

“Yes, but I thought the reasoning was obvious.” You pointed out.

“Not to me.” He lowered his hand, setting the paper down as he watched you fiddle with your fingers.

“I find it almost necessary to practice it. Otherwise I’ll stumble over my words and get confused.” You admitted, shifting uncomfortably. You looked up and smiled, trying to pretend you weren’t as uneasy as you looked. “I bet you don’t have to do that.”

“I think we each have our own insecurities.” His smile was so understanding it had you biting your lip and looking down quickly, heat rushing to your cheeks. “I appreciate you sharing your answer.”

…..

“Number eight.” You paused as you read the question to yourself, a small gust of worry running through you. This definitely meant he was going to look at you. “Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.”

You cleared your throat, keeping your eyes down on the paper, trying your best not show how uncomfortable it was going to be to have him staring at you. You could already feel his gaze. Was he looking at the dirt on your legs and skirt? Was he critiquing how messy your hair was or how your shirt didn’t match the rest of what you were wearing? Maybe he was judging your feet and your choice of socks. You looked down, making sure you did, in fact, shave your legs.

You couldn’t handle it anymore. You let your eyes slowly look up at him, meeting his stare. He was sitting cross-legged, his chin resting on his fist which was propped up on his knee, the smile on his face had a flush of warmth rushing to your cheeks and swirling in your chest.

“To start, I think we both care quite a bit about how we’re perceived by others.” He leaned back on his arms, straightening his legs out, his left leg brushing against yours and you shivered at the warmth. “We have a similar sense of fashion. I also have that same coat.”

He pointed to your jacket laying on the floor and you looked over at it, taking the moment to look away from him and gather yourself. He was quiet and you wondered if maybe he didn’t realize that was only two things in common. You turned to look at him.

“You’re supposed to name three.” You reminded him, looking at him with your eyebrows together. He smiled.

“I would stake a guess that we’re both big rule followers.”

…..

“Alright. Number thirteen. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?” He set the paper down in front of you, going back to resting his chin on his fist, a position you were beginning to realize was his go-to.

“Hmm…” You thought about it. There was no way you would ever want to know your future. You did that once at a carnival and you had anxiety for the next year over it. “I guess I would want to know the truth about myself.”

“What about yourself?”

“I think I would ask if I was a good person.” You nodded slowly. “Yeah, I would want to know if I am a good person.”

“Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“A good person.” He laughed.

“That’s what I would ask. I don’t know.”

“Well what is a good person?” He sat up straight. “To you. Your definition.”

“To me?” You were fiddling with your fingers again, a nervous habit that you often did when you were feeling eyes on you. “I guess someone who tries their best to be helpful and kind to everyone equally.”

“I think that’s a fair definition.” He nodded and you picked up the paper. “Do you do those things?”

“The things I listed?” You knew what he was getting at. He nodded. “Yeah.”

“So you have a definition of what a good person is and you’re already doing those things. Why do you need to ask a crystal ball if you’re a good person?”

“For confirmation?” You honestly had no idea. Why did you want to ask that? Erwin had a point. “I guess I don’t feelgood enough?”

“But if a crystal ball told you it was enough, you would believe it?” It all sounded so good in your head, but when you put it out there and he repeated it, it sounded like something a child would say.

“I guess it sounds kind of dumb when it’s said like that.” You laughed uncomfortably.

“Oh, no. I’m so sorry.” He put his hand on yours and you shivered at the warmth and looked up. His eyes looked so concerned.

“No, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad for saying it. I just realized it sounded bad out loud.” You both laughed at your apologies. Erwin rested his chin back on his fist.

“I was just trying to say that if something as simple as a crystal ball was enough for you to believe you were a good person, would you believe me if I told you?”

“This is only number thirteen.” You smiled. “Are you sure you know me well enough?”

…..

“Fifteen. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?” You put the paper down in between you both, the space that was beginning to grow smaller as you each moved closer together.

You were both getting increasingly more comfortable with each other as the questions got deeper and more personal. You had removed your shoes, scooting closer to Erwin while he took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, moving closer to you.

Erwin looked up, thinking about the question. You’ve been enjoying the questions more as they went on, making Erwin think a bit more each time before answering. It gave you time to admire his face, his perfect bone structure, his incredible blue eyes, and the way he liked to tap his finger on his lip when he thought about things.

“I want to say deciding my career path.” He looked at you and it made you smile. “I thought I would… I was expected tofollow in my father’s footsteps and become a teacher, but I chose my own path. I’m happy with that.”

“What do you like about your current job?” You asked him.

“I like my job because it gives me the freedom to continue things I have interest in, like teaching kids about finance.”

“Wait.” You held your hand up. “You are proud of not following your father and being a teacher so that you could get a job in finance just so you could teach kids finance?”

“It certainly sounds silly when you say it like that.” You both laughed.

…..

“Twenty-nine. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.” You put your hand out and Erwin took an M&M from it, tossing it in the air and you caught it in your mouth, the only way you were allowed to eat them then, a rule you made around question twenty.

“Okay, I have it.” Erwin chewed his M&M you tossed him and continued. “When I was interviewing for my current position, I had never been to the building before that so I wasn’t familiar with it. The whole building is, in essence, a big glass box. It’s all windows, even the doors just look like large windows, but not the tinted ones. These are the completely clean and nearly invisible windows. As I made my way up the steps, I thought it was an open floorplan without any doors, so I just walked forward and stepped straight into the glass.”

You threw your head back with laughter and quickly tried to cover your mouth so he wouldn’t feel bad, snorting into your palm. Erwin smiled at you, his hand brushing over your waist before dropping to the ground.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized. “That’s a very understandable mistake. Honestly. It’s not so bad.”

“Yes, well.” He continued, a small smile on his face. “I also did it on my way out the building after the interview.”

You were roaring with laughter now. You tried your best to cover your mouth, but even your eyes were watering. You put your hand on his shoulder to steady yourself, but dropped your face there until you could calm yourself down enough.

“I’m sorry. Really. I shouldn’t be laughing at you for that.”

“It’s quite alright.” He bit his bottom lip before quickly smiling. “It’s worth it to see you smile.”

…..

“Question thirty-one. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.” Erwin set the paper down. It was quite amazing actually. You had only been in the elevator for a couple hours. You’ve only known Erwin for a couple hours. Looking at the way he set the paper down, how he was holding his face, barely looking away from you, slowly sitting back against the wall, his hands rubbing over his thighs to wipe the nervous sweat from his palms, he was uneasy. You could see it. Even knowing him for such a short time, you could already tell what he looked like when he was nervous. Thinking about it made the corner of your mouth turn up in a small smile.

You had a feeling he would expect the obvious things. He was a gentleman, he was honest, he was kind, he spoke well. You wanted to give him something to make his eyes shoot up to meet yours and to make a small smile grow on his face.

“I like that you helped take this really terrible situation on an already crappy Friday night and made me have the most fun I’ve had in a long time.” His eyes shot up to look at you, a small smile growing on his face. Bingo.

…..

You laughed, blowing air from your mouth as you tried to hold it in, giving up and throwing your head back with a loud laugh. Erwin was smiling at you, his cheeks coloring pink as he absentmindedly slid his hands over your waist.

It was too embarrassing, too cringy, too intimate for someone you just met and you were sure even if you knew each other well, it would be just as awkward. You managed to calm yourself down enough, still letting out puffs of air and giggling every time the discomfort crossed your mind.

“Let’s try again.” Erwin spoke softly, shaking your hips a little as he smiled.

“It wasn’t embarrassing enough that you want to do it again?” Your eyes went wide.

“I just shared thirty-six highly personal pieces of information about myself. What’s four minutes of looking into eyes as beautiful as yours?”

Your jaw dropped open, bottom lip moving up and down as you searched for something to say. He was flirting, that was definitely flirting. The idea of a man like this flirting with you left you a bit speechless. You finally just sank back, smiling shyly as you looked at your hands.

“We don’t have to.” He leaned his head to the side to look at your face. “I apologize if I’ve made you uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s okay.” You looked up at him. The idea of a man like him flirting with you might be unbelievable, but this whole situation was a bit unbelievable and while you were living in a dream, you might as well really live in it. “Let’s try again.”

He smiled and it melted your insides. You weren’t a confident person naturally. There were a handful of things you could confidently say you didn’t overthink, but the majority of the time, you were always second guessing everything you did, every decision you made. So when you decided to sit yourself on his legs in front of him, hands resting on either side of his thighs, you were just as surprised as he was, his blue eyes peering into yours as his eyebrows dropped and he let out an exhale.

“Start the timer,” you instructed. He didn’t even look down at his phone as he started the four-minute timer from zero. He dropped a quick glance down to your lips and brought his eyes back to yours, a small smile played on his lips.

You weren’t brazen enough to sit on his thighs, your butt rested comfortable on his shins and your upper body leaned forward towards him, but the new shift in position gave you a confidence you didn’t have a moment before.

His phone let out one small beep and you smiled. One minute had passed. You held his gaze, noticing him licking his lips, his tongue fliting out and the tiniest lip bite before he rested his lips in a smile. You shifted in your spot and his hands inched their way to yours. His first finger getting there first, wrapping itself around your pinky and you smiled, encouragement to have the rest of his hand follow.

A second beep from his phone and he rubbed his hand gently up and back down your forearm. You sat yourself a bit closer, lifting yourself off his legs and slowly scooting forward until your butt rested on the cushy muscles of his thighs. His hands connected with yours until they slipped free and rested on your waist, sliding back and roughly grabbing the extra meat of your hips. He blinked slowly, licking his lips and you felt like your heart would beat out of your chest. He raised his knees, sliding your body down his thighs and pushing you up against his chest, your faces barely an inch apart.

You couldn’t help but smile at him and he brushed your hair from your face, his hand cupping your jaw while his other hand brought your body even closer to him. His eyes moved to your lips, looking away from your eyes for the first time since the four minutes started.

You rested your palms on his chest, feeling just how firm, yet soft it was before letting yourself lean in to press your lips tenderly to his. It was like electricity shooting through your body at the contact and your hands quickly moved to the back of his head, pulling him in. He must have felt the same way because his hands slid up your back to keep you in his lap and resting against him.

You moved your lips slightly against his and he opened his mouth, teasing your lips with his tongue until you opened your mouth. He didn’t push his way in, his tongue waited for yours to meet him halfway before he started exploring the cavern of your mouth. You panted against his mouth. You were amazed that he still tasted like minty toothpaste, even after all the snacks you both ate and you wondered if your breath had any remnants of anything fresh, but the pull of his hands to bring you closer had you thinking it couldn’t be that bad.

His hand slid lower down your back, the touch giving you chills. He timidly ran over your hips, and moved back up, settling on your waist. You slid towards him a bit, your hips barely lifting up before resting back in his lap and he groaned, a deep rumble that echoed off the walls of the elevator and vibrated through to your own chest.

You smiled. Your lips pulling away from his, but your hands remained in his hair, brushing through the blond locks now entirely out of place. He sighed, looking at where his hands were resting on your hips. He moved one of those hands to your cheek and leaned back in to kiss you as the four-minute alarm on his phone sounded and you both jumped, laughing quietly.

He turned back to you and continued leaning in, his hand moving to behind your head as his lips reached yours.

“Hey! Is there someone in there?” Someone called from outside the elevator. Your eyes widened and you stood up.

“Hello? Yes! We’re stuck!” You called through the doors, hoping your voice was loud enough. You turned back to Erwin, grinning with excitement and he stood up, fixing his shirt sleeves and moving behind you.

“Alright! We got a guy who can open up these doors.” The man called from outside.

You stepped back, directly into Erwin’s arms and he held your shoulders. The contact with him made you turn around to look at him. He had his suit jacket back on and you remembered your shoes. The man that was outside started prying open the doors and you grabbed your shoes, sliding them on and picking up the things from your purse that were scattered along the ground.

In the corner of the elevator was the small plastic capsule of your pantyhose and for a moment, you froze. In the time you were stuck in there with Erwin, for a short amount of time you had completely forgotten about your blind date. The man probably waited for hours only to hear nothing back from you. Guilt was starting to settle in. Even if you didn’t want to go on the date in the first place, you weren’t the kind of person to just leave someone hanging like that. And the whole time you were in here enjoying yourself with Erwin. Well, you may have been trapped, but knowing you were having fun with someone else made your stomach fill with shame.

You stood up, having collected all your things and faced the elevator doors. Your mood shifting entirely from only moments before. Erwin had grabbed his things and put his shoes back on. You could see light coming from the slowly growing crack in the elevator doors and you squinted a bit as your eyes adjusted. Erwin moved closer to you, his arm pressing against yours as he leaned in.

“Y/N, I…” You looked up to him.

“Alright, that’s it. You guys can come through.” The man told. Erwin pressed his lips together in a smile.

“After you.” He gestured. You stepped through the elevator doors onto the landing of the sixth floor.

You only had a couple floors to walk up and while you could have done it alone, it was nice walking with him. That is, until the realization hit that you were only going to be walking with him for a couple short flights of stairs, after which, you will say your good-byes and most likely never see each other again.

There really wasn’t any way this man wanted to see you more than the forced three hours he just had to endure. You sighed to yourself. That thought coupled with the mixture of guilt for your blind date was enough for this Friday night. When you made it to your floor, you opened the stairwell door, made sure to hold it for him and quickly hurried to your apartment and unlocked the door.

You rushed inside, closing the door behind you and resting your head against the door. That was fun, but there was no way it was going further. Your date may have been cancelled at this point, but Erwin still had time for whatever rendezvous he had planned. Just the thought of you kissing him without knowing anything about who he was coming to see was making you cringe.

Beyond that, there was the notion that your kiss would lead to something and that was embarrassing enough. You didn’t need to stick around after that. To think that anything else would come of it was a lot of pressure and expectations on him just to fulfill your little girl fantasy. You both got caught up in the moment and that was it. There was nothing else to it. You took a deep breath and set your bag on the floor.

Walking to your dining room table, you pulled out your phone to call your friend. You may not have wanted to go on that blind date at all, but forcing the poor schmuck to wait hours for you without even a text was unfair.

As you unlocked the screen, you saw twelve unread messages from Fen and quickly looked through them.

[6:30pm I just spoke with him. He’s on his way to your place now.]

[6:38pm I guess I forgot to mention how punctual he is.]

[6:38pm A lot better than me, right? XD]

[6:45pm What are you going to wear?]

[6:50pm You’re so lucky you have a friend like me to set you up on dates for a Friday night.]

[6:51pm He just texted me. He’s at your place]

[6:51pm Why aren’t you answering your bell??]

[6:52pm You’re not standing him up, right? Please, he’s so cute!]

[6:54pm Someone let him in. I told him your apartment number. You better let him in!]

[7:15pm I haven’t heard from him so you must be out. Why aren’t you texting me??]

[7:16pm I guess that must mean you’re having a great time!]

[7:24pm I just ate a whole pack of Oreos.]

Your heart was racing. Someone let him in? You checked the time of the message. Someone let him in around the time you were letting Erwin into the lobby. Your jaw dropped, your mind hurrying through your thoughts.

You didn’t have time to think about it because your doorbell rang and your head shot up from your phone as your heart nearly leapt from your chest. Hesitantly, you set your phone down on the table, letting your mind believe what you were hoping was true. Before you could overthink it, you walked to the door, unlocking it and turning the knob, taking a deep breath before pulling the door open.

Erwin stood there, his jacket back on, shirt straightened and hair back in place.

“I—uh… it looks like I’m your date for tonight.” He smiled nervously at you, his phone in his hands with Fen’s name on the screen. “If you’re still interested, I would very much like to accompany you to dinner.”

You were still interested. You were more than still interested. What were the chances that the man you enjoyed so much time with stuck in an elevator was the date you were supposed to meet all along? You made a mental note to thank Fen because, for once, she was spot on with this match. You smiled broadly and pretended to think about it, playfully tapping your finger to your lips in the same way he did when he thought.

“How do you feel about having dinner at my place?” You stepped back a bit, opening the door wider.

“I think I’d like that very much.” He stepped inside and you closed the door.

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necros-writing-stuff · 3 years

Note

Do you thing you can write noncon/dubcon with Bailey? I am VERY MUCH simping for the man who may or may not be a gangster

totesBruh's art of him had me a little feral ngl. Very nice work.

This is longer than I thought it would be.

NSFW below (noncon, virgin gn reader, anal)

It was impressive, really. £4000 due weekly, and somehow you always made it. Bailey had been glad to let you take on Robin's debt, maybe then you'd miss. Maybe then you'd give him an excuse to have you bent over his desk so he can show you that he's still in control.

Walking through the park, Bailey has to stop and readjust his pants at the thought. His mind had been jumping to that more and more lately. Especially when he's stressed. Just now he'd had a meeting with one of his guys, disappointed that no information had turned up on some upcoming fucker that could prove a threat if they weren't dealt with now.

It had been lovely and warm, so Bailey had walked to the park. Now it was pissing it down, drenching his nice clothes. His dry-cleaner would be getting a visit, then.

Bailey stops in his tracks when he passes the fountain. You're there. You're there, wrapped around the arm of some blond pretty thing under a tree. And now Bailey's agitated. Do you let this little fucker touch you? Do you spread your legs for them without his permission? Part of him was glad it wasn't Robin, made it less concerning how much time you spent together.

He doesn't know how long he stared, but eventually you kiss the other person on the cheek and begin walking towards some bushes. You end up disappearing into them, so confused and angry, Bailey moves to follow. Surprisingly, there's a narrow passage behind the foliage, one that leads to a hole in a fence.

When he emerges, its just in time to see you opening the rear doors to the school building he's been led to. It was a weekend, what are you doing in school? Are you that much of a fucking goody-two-shoes that you're here to study on a Saturday? Bailey yet again rushes after you.

Walking through the empty halls, he has to try and ignore memories of being here. He wonders if the kids these days were as rabid as they were back then? He even has to stiffle a laugh at a scorch mark on the wall, half hidden by faculty posters. That was his doing, years and years ago. Leighton had ratted him out, fucker. Makes sense they'd end up in charge of this place the way they'd patrol the halls like they owned them back then.

He follows wet footprints to the library, amused when he here's shuffling. You must have heard him coming and were attempting to hide. Yanking the door open, he steps inside to find out that you're just trying to gather the books up in a rushed mess. What, you're not even going to attempt to hide?

"I'm sorry! I know I shouldn't be in here, but I really need to keep my grades up, I-I have a spare £200, please just let me study," you beg, eyes pointedly stating at your feet. The brat has enough spare money that you're offering to bribe people? Well shit. He might have to up your rent.

"Who's the blond?" Bailey asks, revelling in the panic on your face when you hear his voice, how your spine goes straight and you look him straight in the eye.

You shuffle in discomfort, a hand rubbing against your forearm to help soothe yourself. "It's just Whitney, they're a friend-"

"A friend? You kiss all of your friends?" Bailey steps closer and you step back.

"It was only a kiss on the cheek, that's not bad, is it?" You're on the verge of tears, voice trembling.

Bailey takes another step towards you, backing you up more into the bookcase behind. "Oh it's a fucking problem, brat. You see, I think you've forgotten who owns you."

He's quick as he darts forwards and closes the gap, a large, callused hand wrapping around your bicep to pin you to the bookcase, the other wrapping around your neck.

"Bailey, please, I've been so good, please just let me go," you beg, hot salty tears making their own paths down your cheeks.

He licks his lips as he takes in all of the fear in your face. Then he covers your mouth with his, shoving his tongue in when you gasp in suprise.

You wiggle against him, trying to escape, but only succeeding in teasing the semi he's had on since picturing you naked on his cock. The little whimpers you let out are addicting, but you won't fight back. You would have bitten him by now if you were going to fight.

The hand grasping your bicep let's go to shove your damp t-shirt up, revealing the lovely nipples beneath. They're hard and sensitive when Bailey pinches them, making you go still for a second before your hands go back to weakly pushing on his abdomen. If this is how you fought, it was a wonder you weren't getting gangbanged in the streets - or maybe you were and noone had been kind enough to take pictures.

A small 'ahhh' comes from your mouth when Bailey starts rolling the little bud between his fingers, rather than just pinching it, and you shudder against his body. God, you're so responsive. You'd be worth so much, you know? Only his best clients could have you. The other brats could go to the highest bidder, but for you he'd make sure only those he vetted as worthy would see you like this.

You don't struggle anymore than you already are when his hand ducks beneath your shorts, and he immediately knows why. Pulling back, his grip on your throat tightens. Urgently, Bailey jerks your shorts down your legs, followed by your underwear and he wants to punch something.

A fucking chastity belt. Red clouds his vision.

"Please let me go," you cry out, hands tugging on his still clamped around your throat. Bailey does just the opposite, turning you around and shoving you face first into the bookshelf, ignoring the pained cry you give out. He smiles in victory at what he sees.

Your sweet little ass is still exposed. Still free for the taking. Bailey wastes little time in getting his cock out, the thing painfully hard at this point, the head flushed red and pre oozing from the tip.

As soon as you feel it pressing against your asshole you break down sobbing. "Bailey I'll stop seeing them, I promise! Just stop! Stop!"

You may as well be begging a snake to speak, because you're going to get no sympathy from your carer as they sink into your dry, unprepared hole. Your screams go right to his length, the control he has over you in this moment feels addicting. He grabs your hip in one hand and a fistful of hair in another to pull it and make you arch your back in a way that gets just the perfect angle.

His cock is squeezed so tight by your insides he might not last long, but at least the insides feel wet. Might just be blood though.

You won't stop saying that you're sorry, trying to hold yourself perfectly still. Are you trying to make yourself unappealing by not fucking yourself on his cock, or are you just being a good little brat and letting him use you how he wants?

"You're so pretty like this," he praises, eyes taking in your flushed cheeks. Your lips were swollen from your teeth digging into the thin flesh. Your hair a mess in his grasp. He'll have to have you again, at some point. Will have to get this belt off so he can have all of you.

His hips slap against your ass in a steady but brutal pace, you just whimper with every thrust now, knowing that it doesn't matter how sorry you say you are, Bailey won't stop till he's done. Your insides fit perfectly around his length, caressing him in a way that has him barrelling towards an orgasm quicker than he thought.

It's not long before he's shooting his seed right into your gut, pulling you back onto his length so that he's as deep as he can be as he does so. The silence in the library is deafening in those few brief moments as his balls empty themselves, Bailey letting his head rest against your shoulder until its done.

When he pulls out, the liquid is a mixture of red, white and pink, the results of his sperm and your blood. He sits on the table the textbooks are on and watches you fix your clothes for a few brief moments before taking out a cigarette and lighting it. You don't look his way, just stand awkwardly, sniffling and wiping at your face.

"Where did you get the chastity belt fitted?" he interrogates, taking a drag.

You wince when you move all of your weight onto your left leg. "The temple on Wolf Street," you whisper.

Bailey nods, standing up and fixing his own clothes, cig held between his lips as he does so.

"Right then. Let's go get it removed."

#degrees of lewdity #degrees of lewdity bailey #spill your guts #anonymous #tw noncon

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atlafan · 4 years

Text

My Everything - Part Two

A Take it Slow Sequel

What happens with Harry and Y/N after he proposes? How will the two navigate the engaged life while also continuing to juggle their jobs, friends, and families? Let’s find out.

Warnings: Fluff and Smut.

a/n: not proofread fam, I didn’t have the strength.

Masterpost

It took Harry nearly an hour to get you to calm down after you said goodbye to your grandmother at the airport. You cried the entire car ride home, and you cried for a while at home. He chalked some of it up to your hormones, but he also knew it was just hard for you to say goodbye to her.

“It really was a nice visit. I’m glad she got to stay with us.” You say to him as you lay on top of him on the sofa.

“Me too, she’s a hoot.” He rubs your back up and down. He was happy you weren’t crying anymore. “She’ll be back soon enough. She wants to go dress shoppin’ with yeh remember?”

“I know, but I don’t want her spending the money coming up for every little thing. Like if she comes up for that, she probably won’t come for the bridal shower…” You sigh.

“You both will just have to decide what’s most important.”

“I’ll definitely need her for the dress shopping. It’ll be bad enough with my mom and sisters judging every little thing I might like. Rachel’s the best at picking things out. I’d rather just go with the girls and Nannie.”

“So you should do that. Listen, this is supposed to be fun for us. Don’t worry about other people, do things the way you want to do them.”

“I suppose with Erica doing it all before me, there are things my mom can get out of her system. We’re going dress shopping with her next month. I feel like I’m about to get really busy. El said she wants her bridal party to pick out their dresses soon. And I have class…”

“Take a deep breath. You’ll get overwhelmed if you think about too much at once.”

“You’re right, sorry.”

“S’okay, I know it can be easy to get stressed out. At least we have the whole day off together today. What do you feel like doin’?”

“I’d like to have sex, but my period is really bad…”

“We could-“

“Harry, I don’t think a shower could even help right now.” You groan. “I could suck you off.”

“It’s only fun if I get to reciprocate.”

“Not true.” You scooch down his body. “Now I kinda really want it anyways.”

“Oh you do?”

“Mhm.”

You get between his legs and unzip his shorts. You kiss on his lower stomach as you palm him through his boxers. He runs a hand through your hair, as you continue. You tug everything down just enough to get his hard dick out. You spit into your right hand to stroke him for a bit, running your thumb across his tip. Harry’s breath hitches and his head rolls back. You continue to pump him while your lips wrap around his tip.

“Ugh, fuck me.” He groans, and you can’t help but smirk when you look up at him. “Wipe that look off your face, now.”

Your mouth falls open and he pushes your head down further on him. You take the hint and swirl your tongue around him. His hips thrust up and you feel him hit the back of your throat. You choke on him for a moment and you feel tears prick at your eyes. But you work through it, and swallow.

“Shit, ngh.”

You loved hearing home moan like this, it only made you want to work harder for him. You bob your head up and down, really making a mess of it. You look back up at him, trying to give him innocent eyes as you spit trailed down your chin.

“Y/N.” He breathes as he looks at you.

You pop off him just for a moment to pump him. Your other hand rests on his hip and you give it a squeeze. Your mouth goes back down on him, and you both groan.

“That’s it, baby, that’s so good, fuck.”

You cradle his balls as you suck on him, and he comes into your mouth. You continue to suck until you’ve gotten every last drop into your mouth. You sit up and wipe the corners of your mouth and tuck him back into his pants. He watches as you get up to go to the kitchen. He knew you were going to rinse your mouth out like you always did. You come back to him, and lay in your spot on top of him like you were.

“You’re so fuckin’ good at that, thank you.” He kisses your forehead and you practically purr in his arms. There was nothing like a forehead kiss.

“My pleasure, babe.”

“Wanna go out to dinner tonight? You and I haven’t been able to celebrate just the two of us yet.”

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot actually. Can we get Italian?”

“We can get whatever you want, my angel.” You nuzzle further into his chest and enjoy the smell of his cologne.

After falling asleep on top of him, you wake up to the feeling of being carried to your bedroom.

“Harry?” You mumble.

“Sorry, I needed a wee, and so I thought I’d just set you down in here.”

“That’s okay.” You yawn as he puts you down on the bed. “Probably shouldn’t sleep the day away.”

He uses the toilet and comes back to sit next to you.

“But being lazy once in a while is nice, isn’t it? I feel like we had this crazy busy summer, it’s nice to just relax.”

“How do you see things at the studio now that all the kids are back in school?”

“Everyone and their brother wants a fall photoshoot. The leaves are going to peak soon, so everyone wants these like harvest style pictures. Plus, we’re already starting on holiday photos. Mariah suggested doing Santa Sessions, so we’re gonna get those booked out soon.”

“Are you going to have Santa there?”

“No, it’s more like decorations, the backdrop would look like his workshop, stuff like that. I don’t know, it’s her project.” He shrugs. “Either way, we’re stayin’ busy, and that’s the most important thing.” You nod.

“I think I’m gonna take a shower before we go out later. I need to wake up.”

“How come you’re so tired, baby?” He rubs your back.

“Think it’s just my period, makes me exhausted sometimes.”

“I’m gonna take Buster out for a walk then.”

“Alright.”

You get into the shower and stand there for a few minutes. You shave your legs and anywhere else you feel like you need to, and get out. You blow dry your hair and throw some curls in. You walk out into the living room in your towel, with your underwear on of course. Harry wasn’t back yet, and it was raining outside.

You grab your phone and call him. He doesn’t answer.

“What the…”

You race back to the bedroom and throw some sweats on. You slip on your sneakers and grab an umbrella and out the door you go. You’re not sure where to go at first, but you walk the usual route you and Harry always take Buster. It was absolutely pouring. You were starting to get nervous. You squint as you see a figure walking towards you.

“Harry!” You gasp and run down the street to cover him with the umbrella, not that it mattered now. His eyes were puffy and red and his head was hanging. “Wh…where’s Buster?”

“I don’t know.” You both turn to walk towards the parking garage. “He heard some thunder and slipped away from me. I ran after him and called for him, but…he just got away from me.”

“Oh no! Well, we have to find him!”

“I know!”

“Don’t yell at me!”

“I’m not!”

You both get into his car, and start driving around.

“Jesus, it’s gonna get dark soon. My poor baby.” You start tearing up.

“He never runs away. The one time I have a slightly loose grip on the leash-“

“You can’t blame yourself, it was an accident. We just need to find him before it gets dark. I’m going to text Niall to see if he’ll wait outside our building. Maybe he’ll come back.”

“Good idea.”

“Harry, drive towards the park near the studio, it’s not that far from here and he’s used to going there.”

“Okay.”

Your entire body was shaking. You didn’t know what you would do if your little boy was lost forever.

“Y/N! There by that tree! Think that’s him?!”

“It could be! Let me get out.”

You basically jump out of the moving car and run towards the large tree in the park.

“Buster!”

He looks up at you, but doesn’t come towards you. He’s whimpering where he sits, frightened by the cold and the thunder.

“Baby, it’s me! It’s mumma! Don’t be scared.” You slowly approach him and stick your hand out. Harry runs toward you both after parking the car. “See, it’s daddy too! Nothing to be scared of.”

“I think his leg is hurt…”

“Oh my god, I think you’re right!”

Harry approaches him and picks him. He’s soaked, but right now it didn’t matter.

“Babe, sit in the back with him, I have a blanket in the trunk we can wrap around him.”

“Okay.”

Harry gets him in the car while you grab the blanket. You wrap it around him and try to comfort him.

“I’m gonna drive to the vet.” You hum your response as you continue to try to calm Buster down.

“Do you think a car hit him?”

“I have no idea…maybe he slipped? Can a dog roll its ankle?”

“I guess we’ll find out.”

Harry gets you all to the vet, and carries Buster inside. You check him in and they’re able to take him right away due to the emergency. You’re told to wait in the waiting room. Harry keeps pacing back and forth, his nerves were shot.

“Mr. and Mrs. Styles?” A nurse comes out. You think to correct her, but now isn’t the time.

“Yes?” You say standing up. Harry also notices you don’t correct her, and for a second he feels a little better.

“Come on back with me.” She smiles.

You take Harry’s hand and follow her to where Buster was. You hear him yip, it was like he was good as new.

“We had to put a brace on his back left leg. He has a slight sprain. We’re not entirely sure how. It didn’t look like he was hit by anything, he could have slipped and fell the wrong way. We gave him a shot to numb the pain as well.”

“Oh, thank you.” You throw your arms around him and he licks your cheek. “Mumma was so scared.” You kiss him a ton. Harry pats his back and gives him kisses too. “Don’t you ever run away from your daddy again, do you under stand me?”

“Miss…he’s a dog…not a small child.” She says with a blank expression. You turn to look at her slowly. Before you can say anything, Harry does.

“Listen, I’m sure you have to deal with stupid people all day, but this dog is our child at the moment, so if my fiancé wants to give him a stern talkin’ to for running away from me, then she will, and you can just keep your mouth shut, yeah?”

“Right.” She coughs nervously. “So, here’s his prescription, and some details on how to help his leg. You can check out up front, we’ll want to see him for a follow up.”

Harry takes the papers from her, and sets him down on the floor. He has a slight limp, but he’s able to walk. You practically white knuckle his leash as you lead him back to the lobby. They give you the medicine Buster will need, and out the door you go. You sit in the back with him again.

“Thanks for the backup in there.”

“Don’t mention it, I wouldn’t let some stranger disrespect you like that. I don’t care how silly she thought it was. He was bad runnin’ from me, even if he was scared, and he should know it.”

“We should stay in with him tonight, we have plenty of leftovers we can have for dinner.”

“I was thinkin’ the same thing. We need to get his leg on a pillow.”

You had texted Niall earlier to let him know Buster was found and safe. Harry gets Buster up to the apartment. You drag his dog bed over near the sofa and put some extra pillows in there.

“I need to go change, my clothes are still soaked.”

You nod at him as he walks down the hall. If the situation wasn’t so serious you might have joked about how sexy he looked, but maybe you were save that for some pillow talk later. He comes back out a few minutes later and looks at you.

“Do you even feel like eating?” He asks.

“No, I’m sick to my stomach.”

“Me too.”

You both sit on the sofa and sigh.

“I’m very upset with him.” You say. “But I’m glad we found him before it got dark out.”

“I just feel so stupid for letiin’ him get away in the first place.”

“Harry, it’s not your fault. Accidents happen. He knows not to run away, we trained him right.”

“It was like everything happened in slow motion too. As soon as I heard the thunder we looked at each other and I knew he was gonna do somethin’.” Buster looks up at Harry. “Yeah, I’m talkin’ about you, bub.” Harry leans down and pats his head.

“I’m gonna go make us a little food.”

“Thought you were sick to your stomach.” He smirks.

“I’ve calmed down a bit. He’s here with us now, that’s all that matters.”

“Alright, well in that case, I’d love some kugel please.”

“You got it.” You stand up and kiss his forehead.

You go into the kitchen and make up a couple of plates. Harry thanks you when you come back out.

“Do you feel like watching a movie?” You ask him.

“Sure! What did you have in mind?”

“You should pick, we always watch what I wanna watch.”

Harry smiles and flips through the different options of movies on the various platforms you both paid for.

“Oh! How about When Harry Met Sally?”

“Yeah! You know I’ve never seen it, but I’ve always wanted to.” Harry’s jaw drops. “What?”

“The Film Studies minor slash Film Club president has never seen When Harry Met Sally?”

“Romantic Comedies isn’t exactly a genre you study extensively, although, I know this film set a precedent.”

“I wish more were like it, to be honest. So do you feel like watchin’ it?”

“Definitely, now’s a good a time as any.”

“This is one of my all-time favorites, Y/N, I hope you like it.”

“I’m sure I will. I love Billy Crystal.”

He starts the movie as you both continue to eat. When you’re both done he sets the plates on the side table, and puts his arm around your shoulders, pulling you in close to him. Both of you put your feet up on the ottoman.

“It’s like we’re on a little date, isn’t it?” He asks you.

“Mhm.” You smile and snuggle in closer.

“Now that my weekends are freeing up, I wanna make more time for dates. I wanna take you to the movies, and go out for drinks.”

“So you essentially want to establish a date night?”

“That sounds so…boring when you say it like that, but yeah. We both always have so much going on, I just want to make sure we make time for this.”

“Me too, Harry. We can definitely have a date night.” You squint at the TV. “Wait, so what’s happening, why are they driving together?”

“So, they both just graduated from college, and he’s dating Sally’s friend. They both needed to go to New York, so she told Harry to drive with Sally.”

“Ah, okay. And that’s how they met.”

“They meet multiple times, they keep findin’ each other over the years.”

“Aww, that’s so cute!”

You both enjoy the rest of the movie. You tear up a bit when they fight and then hug it out. You can’t help but laugh a little towards the end when Sally tells Harry how much she hates him, and then they kiss. It reminded you a little of 10 Things I Hate About You.

“What did you think?” Harry asks yawning as the credits roll.

“I really liked it! I can see where a lot of other films took things from. It had a really good pace too, like I never felt bored.”

“I’m so glad to hear you say that.” He says with relief. “I feel like I kept watchin’ you to see your reactions.”

“I know you were.” You both laugh. “Do you think we should let him sleep with us tonight? If he whines in the middle of the night for his medicine I wanna be able to hear him.”

“Good idea, yeah, he can come in with us.”

Harry picks Buster up and carried him to your room. You do your nightly routine and get into bed. Buster lays at the both of your feet and falls asleep quickly. He must be exhausted from the entire ordeal. You knew you and Harry both were.

“Who’s he goin’ to work with tomorrow?” He asks he climbs into bed with you. “I’d take him, but somethin’ tells me he’s gonna want his mum.”

“I was thinking the same thing. I don’t have many meetings, so he’ll be fine with me.”

You both kiss goodnight, and snuggle up to fall asleep.

Buster was able to walk, but not for long period of time, so Harry makes sure to help get him into your car. You didn’t carpool on Tuesdays because you saw Dr. Mara right after work. Once you get Buster up to your office, you give him some medicine.

“Mornin’, here’s your…aww poor thing, look at him.” He hands you your coffee.

“I know, he scared us so bad. I’m just glad we found him and he’s safe. It’s only a sprain, so if we do everything right he should be back to normal in a few weeks.”

“Well that’s good at least. Why’d he run from Harry again?”

“The thunder from the storm yesterday scared him. I think it was too loud for him.” Niall nods.

“So, I’ve just been told we have a meeting this morning, like now, in the conference room.”

“Are you serious?” You groan. “I haven’t even gotten settled.”

“I think it’s quick, Sharon said we don’t even need our laptops.”

“Okay.” You sigh. “C’mon, Buster.”

He gets up slowly and follows you and Niall down to the conference room.

“Congratulations!”

“Oh my gosh!”

Everyone from your division was there smiling at you, and there were bagels and doughnuts out on the table.

“What is all this?”

“Niall told us all yesterday that you got engaged so we wanted to celebrate with you!” Trish says.

“This is so sweet! Thank you all so much.” You look at Niall. “You’re too good to me, thank you.” You both hug.

“And I got that lox you like too.” He points to it.

“What a treat! I’m glad I had a really light breakfast this morning.”

Niall splits a bagel with you, and put some lox and cream cheese on it. You show everyone your ring, tell them how Harry proposed and showed off a few pictures. They each give Buster a little loving as well, and he soaked it up.

Eventually you go to your office, after thanking everyone for the millionth time, and get some work done. You had a ton of emails to catch up on, and a couple of projects that needed to get started. You weren’t even hungry when lunch rolled around, so you just hung out with Buster in Niall’s office.

“Our new intern starts tomorrow.” He tells you.

“Oh? And what’s their specialty?”

“Once again, we have a social media/video editor. His name is Zach, and he’s a senior. He actually goes to where you went.”

“Oh, really? Well that’ll be fun. Maybe I could be like a mentor or something.” You shrug.

“We having a meeting with him tomorrow morning. I guess we have him all day on Mondays and Wednesdays.”

“Didn’t the school year already start? Why is he just coming to us now?”

“That was on our end, HR took forever to get everything processed.”

“Awesome.” You scoff. “Well, at least he’ll actually be able to get work done being here for full days.”

“Yeah, definitely. Hopefully this one won’t have a crush on you.” He laughs.

“Stop it.” You groan. “I never want to think about Matt ever again. You know I ran into him months ago at the bar? It was when we went out for Sarah’s birthday.”

“Oh you mean the night none of you wore bras and you got that bartender’s number?”

“Yup.” You sigh. “And it wasn’t like I asked for the guy’s number.”

“I know, I’m just givin’ yeh a tough time.” He chuckles.

You period ended Wednesday morning, which meant you could finally surprise Harry with something he had wanted for a long time, but you had to wait the entire work day to give it to him. Around 9AM you had your meeting with Niall and Zach. Buster was being very needy with you, and at on the floor between your legs with his head in your lap.

“He really is just like his father, huh?”

“Niall!” You burst out laughing and nudge his arm. “You can’t say stuff like that. What if the intern was here?”

“He’s not here yet.” He laughs.

“Buster’s just not liking the medicine he has to take. I feel so bad, he only wants me. I think Harry feels like a bad father.”

“Don’t all kids want their mum when they don’t feel well?”

“Hi, I’m so sorry I’m late, it took me forever to find parking, and then I had to get all the way up here.”

A young man with short black hair and blue eyes walks in. He looked to be just under six feet. He was wearing a blue button up tucked into some khakis. He looked nice enough. Niall stands up to shake his hand, you do the same. He’s startled when he hears Buster yip.

“S’no problem, Zach. Please have a seat.” Niall says to him.

“Is there a dog in here?” He sits down adjacent to you.

“Yeah, sorry, this is Buster. I bring him to work with me most days, I hope that’s alright.”

“Oh, sure! I love dogs, just didn’t see him.”

“Well, I’m Niall and this is Y/N. We’ll be supervising you this semester. This is basically an intake meeting. We wanna make sure we’re putting you on projects that make sense, and all that.”

“You also go to my alma mater.” You smile.

“Seriously? That’s great! And yeah, I brought my laptop with me, I thought I could show you some of the things I’ve done, if that’s cool.”

“That would be great!” Niall says.

After an hour with Zach, you and Niall show him where he’ll be working, and Niall gets him started on a few things. You liked him so far. He seemed smart and down to business, which is exactly what you were hoping for. Towards the end of the day he knocks on the outside of your door.

“Come on in, Zach.” You smile and he walks in. “Have a seat.” He does so and smiles at you.

“Um, so, I just wanted to say your name sounded a little familiar, and I realized that you founded the very film club that I’m in.”

“Oh my goodness, really?! I’m so happy to hear it still has members.”

“Tons! I also work in our alumni office on campus, and I think it would be really cool if you came to campus and spoke with the current members. Sort of show them that being in a fun club can also help lead to bigger opportunities. We could do an alumni spotlight on you for the magazine.”

“Do you really think that I’m worthy of the alumni magazine?” You scoff. “I get sent that thing in the mail all the time, and it’s always these stories about old people.

“Or random dudes. I think they should feature more women. The director of alumni relations would love this, I think. He’s really nice. Could I at least give him your email?”

“Sure.” You smile. “At any rate, I’d love to come to a film club meeting some time. I could show you all the projects we used to make together.”

“That would be amazing!” He beams. “I can’t wait to tell them. We meet on Thursday nights. This week would be too soon, I assume, but maybe next week you could come?”

“I’d love to.”

He gets up and thanks you for your time before leaving. He was a sweet boy.

You got home before Harry on Wednesdays, which was perfect for what you wanted to put together for him. You get Buster fed and settled before heading into your bedroom. You put on some black lace lingerie and then grab your navy pencil skirt to put on over it. After that you put on the blazer that goes with it, and button it up. You slide your feet into your nude pumps. You go into the bathroom and pin your hair up into a more formal bun. All you’d have to do is take one pin out and it would fall into your waves. You touch up your makeup, and make your way up to the loft.

Harry gets home and kicks his shoes off. Buster carefully trots over to him and Harry lets him lick his hand.

“Hey buddy, where’s mumma?”

“Harry, is that you?”

He looks up towards the loft.

“Yeah!”

“Could come here for a minute please?”

“Sure thing, one second!” He uses the bathroom quick and then heads up to the loft. His eyes grow wide when he sees you. “Did you have, like, an important meeting today or somethin’?”

“I always do.”

“Wait, you weren’t wearin’ that before you left this mornin’…”

“I always dress like this, I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” You wink at him and his eyebrows raise. His lips curl into a grin.

“Is…are we doin’ this?” You nod yes. “Okay, okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Go on.”

“So, um, right, we need to work late tonight…got a big presentation tomorrow.” You try to look as serious as possible.

Harry circles around you and stands right behind you. He dips his head down so his lips are at your ear.

“And what can I do to assist you?” You turn around to face him.

“You know, standing so close to me like that isn’t exactly professional.” You smirk. “I’m your boss after all.”

“Right.” He leans against his desk. “Wouldn’t want anyone to think you play favorites with or anything.” He smirks. “Although, they already think that since I’m the only one you’re nice to.”

“That’s because you’re the only competent person here.”

“You know what I think the real problem is?”

“What’s that?”

“You can come off as uptight.”

“Well…I’m just always stressed.” You shrug. “It’s not easy being the CEO of a large company, you know?”

“I do know. That’s why you hired me, remember? To help make you less stressed, but in all honesty…I don’t think you’re using me to my fullest potential.” He grins.

Harry was amazing you. He had clearly wanted to do this for a while, and you were happy to finally be doing this for him.

“You think so, huh?” You cross your arms. “Enlighten me then, how could I be using you?”

He takes a step forward and uncrosses your arms. He takes one of the buttons on your blazer and twists it between his thumb and index finger.

“You walk around with so much tension in your shoulders. I could rub them for you, but you’d have to take this off…”

“I suppose that would be alright, but I’ll warn you, I don’t have much on underneath.”

“Doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you.”

You nod and unbutton the blazer. Harry pushes it off your shoulders, and he gasps when he sees the black strappy bra that you’re wearing. You fold the blazer and lay it on your desk chair.

“This alright?” You smile.

“When did you get this, it’s really pretty.” You suck your teeth and look at him. “Shit, sorry.” You clears his throat. “Yeah, perfectly fine.”

You turn around and he starts to rub your shoulders. His thumbs knead into the back of your neck and you let out a soft moan.

“Good thing everyone else is gone for the day, or else they might get the wrong idea with noises you’re makin’.”

“Can’t help it, your hands just feel too good. Who knew you had such a gentle touch?”

One of Harry’s hands slides around to the front of your throat.

“And what if I wasn’t so gentle?” Your eyes grow wide, not that he can see. An ache starts to grow between your legs. “Got an answer for me, boss?”

You weren’t sure how to respond. You wanted him to really grip you, make it so you almost couldn’t breathe, but you were slightly scared that if you both got too caught up, you could have a flash. Although, you were almost positive Harry wouldn’t let that happen, so you decide to roll with it.

“I think…I could use a different way to de-stress.” You turn to face him. You put a hand over his and slide it down to the top of one of your breasts.

“I could get fired if HR finds out.”

“Who do you think signs their checks? I decide who gets fired around here, and it certainly isn’t going to be you.”

“Then I’d be happy to give you what you need.”

“And what exactly is that?”

That shit eating grin of his forms, the one where you can really see his dimples. His other arm snakes around your waist and pulls you close to him, so your hips are touching him. He removes his hand that’s on top of your breast to the back of your neck and pulls you to kiss him. You moan as his tongue enters your mouth. He was getting a pretty good taste of you. He lets go of you, and waits for your response.

“Ah.”

“Need a little more?”

“A lot more.”

You reach for the pin that’s holding your bun together and take it out. Your hair falls and you shake it out. Harry grabs you by your hips, and bends you over his desk. He hikes your skirt up and he groans when he sees the thong you’re wearing.

“You know, I think it’s a little…naughty of you to have been wearing this underneath your clothes.” You look at him over your shoulder. You give him a look that says, not too hard, and he nods in understanding.

You feel a smack, not necessarily on your ass, but more so right near your center. You mouth oh my god to yourself. You had zero idea he really wanted to do things like this with you. But then again, you weren’t really you and he wasn’t really him. Harry grabs your hips and places a hand on one of your cheeks so he can see his target better. You feel another smack and you gasp. He leans down so he can speak into your ear.

“See, you’re this really strong woman, and I think that’s great. But I think it’s time you’ve been taken down a notch, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

You hear him undo his pants, and then you feel him move your thong to the side. He grabs you by the back of your neck and pulls you up. He taps your bottom lip with his index and middle fingers. You take the hint and open up for him, sucking them into your mouth. You swirl your tongue around them and really make a show of it for him. He tracts them and the next thing you know he’s knuckle deep inside you. You loved it when he’d finger you from behind. There was something about the angle he was getting that always felt so good.

“You like that, boss?”

“Yes, please keep doing it.” You groan.

He pumps in and out of you, and you cry out when you feel him under you, lips wrapped around your clit. You claw at his desk as your legs start to shake. All of a sudden he stops and you look at him.

“Didn’t think I was gonna let you come so easily did you?” He raises an eyebrow at you. “You’re always so in control, but not tonight.”

He pushes you back down against the desk so your chest was flush with it. He removes your thong all the way and leaves it around your ankles. He bunches your skirt up around your hips and spreads you apart with his thumbs. He slowly inserts himself into you. As much as he just wanted to be careless and rough, he didn’t want to send you into a frenzy.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” He groans once he’s full inside. “So wet for me.” He pulls out and then slams all the way back in.

“Do that again.”

Harry happily obliges and fucks you like that for a few minutes. It was how you had wanted him to fuck you for a long time, and you were happy to be in a place where he could. He was starting to hit you g-spot and it was overwhelming.

“Shit, right there, that’s it!”

He could tell you were close, but he didn’t want you to think you could come yet. He grips the back of your neck with one hand, and squeezes your hip with the other.

“Are you close?”

“Yes!”

“You have to ask me if you can come.” He slows down his pace and rocks in and out of you.

“What?!”

“Ask me if you can come.”

“Can I come?!”

“What’s the magic word?”

“Please!”

Harry grins and picks up the pace again. Your moans and groans mixed with the sound of his skin slapping against yours. You come hard around him. He pulls out and comes on your ass. You groan when you feel the heat from it. You hear him zip his pants back up so you stand up and turn to face him. You weren’t sure if the role play was over or not. When you see his features soften and his reassuring smile form on his lips, you know it is.

“C’mere.” He holds his arms out for you, and you nearly trip into him since your panties were still around your ankles. “Whoops, sorry ‘bout that, baby.”

“S’okay.” You giggle as he kisses the top of your head.

“Let’s get you downstairs.” He picks you up bridal styles and carefully brings you down the spiral staircase. “So, to what do I owe this amazing surprise?” He carries you down to the bathroom and sets you down on your feet. He runs a rag under some warm water to clean up where he came on you.

“I just wanted to do something special for you since you proposed, but I couldn’t exactly do this for you while I was on my period…” You wince slightly when he cleans up near your center.

“Sorry…did I slap you too hard?”

“It didn’t feel like it while you were doing it.” You get out of your pencil skirt and Harry helps you get out of your strappy bra. You throw on some of his sweats and go into the kitchen with him. “We should probably take Buster out soon…”

“We can start cookin’ and then take him out. Right buddy?” He yips at Harry and he chuckles. “So…it was okay, all of it?”

“For doing in a role play, yes.” You rub the back of your neck. “But that’s the only scenario I want you talking to me like that, okay?”

“Fair enough.” He shrugs and wraps his arms around you. “Thank you.”

“Did it live up to the fantasy?”

“God, yes. Even more so. That was really cool of you, Y/N.” He kisses you quick. “So, what do you want for dinner? I’ll make whatever you want.”

“I think we have stuff for tacos, I picked up those meatless meat crumbles…”

“Tacos it is then.” He smiles.

“Come on Buster, mummy take you out quick while daddy cooks.” He tries to hide his smirk. “You wanted me to call you that earlier, didn’t you?” You say, crossing your arms.

“What would make you think that?” He asks facetiously and you roll your eyes. “All part of the fantasy, love.”

“What is it with guys and wanting to be called daddy, I really don’t get it. Why would you want me to fuck my father? Or have me picture my father?” You laugh.

“S’not what it’s about…it’s more of just like…a dominance thing. Like I said, it’s just part of the fantasy, I don’t actually want you callin’ me that unless it’s in reference to Buster.”

“Good, because that’s the only way I’m calling you that.” You smirk, and put Buster’s leash on. Harry gets to work on the tacos.

“Wow, Harry! This looks great!”

He had set everything up on the island like a little buffet so you could add all the fixings you wanted. You each eat three soft shell tacos and clean up when you’re done. You were stuffed. You both flop onto the sofa and relax.

“So…Glee?” He says to you.

“You read my mind.”

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kangals · 4 years

Text

probably a shit platform for this but hey, vet PSAs that i’m writing bc if i have to kiss ass to one more pissy client i’m going to implode:

-virtually every vet ER in the US is understaffed right now. there has been a shortage of ER vets in the workforce for years and it’s only getting worse. so many reasons - massive schooling expense/debt, high turnover, physically and emotionally draining job, etc. even the large chains like VCA are having to completely shut down ERs in some locations because they just can’t keep it staffed. ppl just don’t want to go into emergency med when primary and specialty care is an option and honestly i don’t blame them.

-support staff - techs, assistants, front desk - are terribly underpaid, basically industry-wide. this isn’t a super profitable business anyway but if you’re not a doctor, you’re shouldering most of that burden. and then they have the same problem of staff shortages, high turnover, high stress, etc.

-COVID protocols are likely going to stick around at least through the fall - thats assuming we don’t get a second wave then (aka super unlikely). that means curbside visits, aka get used to your pet going in to the hospital by themselves while you wait outside. (obvs the exception to this is euthanasias)

-sidenote: your pet does not need you to accompany them. for everyone that whines and cries about how their pet gets nervous without them, they’ll be scared, 9/10 times the pet is significantly better behaved and more calm/relaxed without the owner present. the building is much calmer and quieter without foot traffic and it reflects in the pets. either your pet has a problem bad enough it needs to be seen now without you, or it doesn’t and you want to wait until you can go in - thats it. pick one.

-summer is the busy season for ER vets. that’s just how it is. more dogs outside getting injured and hit by cars, more cats roaming and eating poison and fighting each other, more parasites, more traffic, more heat stroke, more poisonous plants, more puppies/kittens, more pools, more wild animals, etc. summer is always crazy even without the added spice of a pandemic.

-yes you will almost certainly have a long wait time if you go to a vet ER now. yes its annoying. no calling every 10 minutes to ask if you can be seen is not helping. heres a tip: if you bring your pet to the ER and everyone drops everything to get them seen ASAP? thats a VERY BAD thing. be grateful your pet is stable enough to wait with you instead of being rushed in in critical shape.

-yes everything is still the same price. no you do not get a “discount” because we have safety protocols to keep you and our staff from getting sick, why the fuck would you even ask that.

-sidenote: yes the ER is expensive. no vets do not purposefully try and inflate your bill with “unnecessary” tests, just fucking tell them you have a budget. no vets/hospitals do not “get rich off your pets.” if you want to get rich there’s about a million other jobs they’d be more qualified to do that do not involving intense emotional labor and make way more money. if you do not trust that your vet has your pet’s best interests in mind then FIND ANOTHER VET.

-yes phone hold times are long. most hospitals are dealing with 200%+call volume bc they’re doing almost everything with the clients outside the clinic, everyone and their grandmother has got a new puppy they want seen, and no one has the patience to wait on hold more than 10 minutes so they just keep hanging up and re-calling repeatedly and putting themselves in the back of the phone queue and getting mad it’s not working. thats like the phone equivalent of slamming a call elevator button over and over, it does nothing, stop.

-sidenote: if you call an ER for a update and they tell you no news is good news and the drs are busy but we’ll call you at X time, wait until X time. you do not need hourly updates on your dog that has been sleeping all day! the drs have more important shit to do. again if you don’t trust your vet then find a new one.

-yes everything pretty much sucks right now. no ones happy. the vets aren’t, the staff isn’t, admin isn’t, clients aren’t. we want thing to go back to normal, but they can’t right now, and thats just the way things are. you’re not getting special terrible treatment, you’re just getting what the world is serving and you’re going to have to deal with it like everyone else right now.

-yes having a sick pet sucks. its the worst! vets and vet staff are all animal lovers and pet owners too. we also go apeshit when our pets are sick bc its awful and you feel helpless and frustrated. we get it. but if you take out your anger on your vet/vet staff you are a genuinely bad person. do you even know how nasty clients are getting to our staff? they scream and curse and throw tantrums. they yell racial slurs at PoC staff. they threaten to burn the clinic (and animals) all down. they threaten to kick down the doors and strangle/punch/beat staff. they call the cops. they make us call the cops on them. they emotionally abuse and gaslight and say terrible hurtful things and make ppl who are trying their damnedest to help your pets break down in tears. you wonder why vets and vet staff have such a high suicide rate??

-sidenote: if you’ve been to the vet recently and your experience didn’t totally suck (not counting long wait times or safety protocols bc as mentioned thats just how it be right now) pls just write them a thank you card or something. tell them you appreciate that they’re there for you and your pet and thank them for their hard work and help. name names if you remember them. everyone’s morale is super low right now and notes from clients are genuinely treasured and loved. (normally i’d say send food but, again, safety protocols).

anyway i need to go back to blowing smoke up these peoples asses. if you disagree or want to argue any of these points i literally do not give a shit about you or your opinions. be nice to your vets everything sucks right now they’re just trying to help.

#but MY hospital isnt having these problems great shut up i do not care #long post

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itsclydebitches · 5 years

Note

Aziraphale walking in with his red-bellied black snake Anthony (who of course is in a total snit about this) and politely and cheerfully greeting the Vet tech would be like the exact opposite of that Vet who encountered a pet black rabbit named Lucifer with a total goth owner who was doing everything perfectly and was growing a little garden of "tributes to Lucifer." Anthony's poor vet would be like "???? Does not compute, but it all seems to be in working order???"

(I REMEMBER THAT POST. You’re so right, anon.)

Claire isn’t a tech exactly. She’s in training. Sort of. It’s the summer months and they’re understaffed and her dad has worked here since forever. Sometimes growing up with all this is better than formal schooling---at least that’s what she claims over dinner whenever talk of another degree comes up. All she’s doing is manning the computer, signing people in and writing out next appointment cards. It’s mostly just time for playing Candy Crush. Kinda boring all around.

Which makes the guy who wanders in that much more interesting. Who wears a suit in this heat? Who wears bow ties? Except for Bill Nye, of course, but this one doesn't look half cool enough to be a scientist. More bachelor classicist vibe. Claire is already straightening in her chair and wiping the Pringles crumbs off her chest because anyone dressed like that is bound to be a handful. Money type. Retired type. The sort with too much time and too few friends, putting all that emotional energy into their pets. Which she gets. More than one boyfriend over the years had been kicked to the curb because they wouldn’t straight up die for their fluff babies, but there’s a difference. These sorts tend to take their worries out on the staff.

Except he’s all smiles when he approaches. Good. Great. Routine visit instead of an emergency. Claire lets her shoulders relax and starts chewing her gum again, trying to find ‘Fell’ in the registry. All the while Fell stands with hands folded primly. His manicured nails shine next to a goddamn pocket watch. He probably owns something suitably posh. Like a hypoallergenic Maltese.

Except there’s no leash in those hands. A carrier either. Claire strains over the counter and blinks at the empty floor around his feet.

“Uh, sir? Do you have your pet with you?”

“Oh yes! Silly me. One moment, dear. Anthony!”

And in slithers---yes, slithers---a goddamn red-bellied black snake. The same snake Dad had warned her about during that school trip to Australia, only half joking at the time. It covers the waiting room in an instant and curls right up the length of Fell’s body, ending with its head level with hers. Claire isn’t sure which she’s more shocked by: the fact that this snake is the biggest fucker she’s ever seen, or that it apparently will come when called.

Fell smiles and the snake bumps happily against his mouth. The red of his scales shines bright under the lights.

“Do you know if we’ll be waiting long?” he asks, one hand absently petting Anthony’s head. “I don’t mean to rush you, but all things considered he can be rather impatient---hey! No need to squeeze, my boy. You know it’s true.”

Claire doesn’t break eye contact with the now distinctly grouchy looking Anthony to see their schedule. Doesn’t dare. Doesn’t need to. Her mind’s already made up.

“Give me a pic for Instagram and we’ll see you now.”

#good omens #ineffable husbands #air conditioning #how many outsider pov fics will I write?#who knows #who can say #only god probably #and she's not talking #good omens fic

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copperbadge · 5 years

Note

Hi Sam! I’ve got a question for you if it’s not too weird! I’m a Uni student in the good ole mid-Midwest and my therapist and I are considering starting paperwork to get me a cat ESA. I want to make sure I have enough money tucked away to get through the typical first time costs of obtaining a cat, as well as an emergency fund because I want to make sure I’m responsibly adopting a fur baby. About how much did you save up before adopting the mischief makers?

Aw, good luck in your quest for a kitty!

The short answer to this is “roughly $400 up front plus steady income and good credit”. The money spent up front was for supplies (litterbox, cat food, toys) in part, but the huge bulk of it was the adoption fee and initial vet visit. But remember I was adopting two, and I also live in Chicago where things can be a bit more expensive. I also did not go the least-expensive route adoption-wise for a variety of reasons, and some places adopt out for free or waive the fee at certain times of year or for certain animals.

But it’s also important to remember that “supplies” run out -- make sure you know the price of litter and cat food and that you can afford to restock. The Cryptids, two small cats who together almost make one entire normal-sized cat, go through a $16 box of litter (we’re about to upgrade to the fancy $30 silica stuff) about every month, a $20 bag of dry food every 2-3 months, and a $15 box of wet food every six weeks. If Future Kitty is an ESA you may get some subsidy for this, I don’t know if insurance covers that kind of thing.

Rather than having a savings specifically for cryptid emergencies, I just assume that it’s something my emergency savings fund could be spent on (I did eventually open a high-yield savings account that I consider the “cat fund” and move about $500 into it, and I pay $20 into it a month; that’s slightly less than I’d pay for veterinary insurance and I’m also able to raid it if I have unexpected bills). More important to me was having a low-interest, high-limit credit card that I could put emergency veterinary fees on if necessary -- usually the problem isn’t that people couldn’t eventually cover the cost of an emergency, it’s that they can’t get the amount needed up front. As a college student, you should be building credit anyway, so it would be a good idea if you haven’t already to open a credit card -- usually your bank will give you a good deal, especially as a student, or your school’s credit union will. You want no-annual-fee, lowest APR you can find, and one with an option of raising the limit if you use it sparingly/always pay on time.

This all sounds a bit forbidding but please remember I waited a long time to get pets, until I was absolutely positive I was in a place to face the worst possible scenario financially. Nobody really needs to overprepare like I did. But I do think getting a credit card, putting your cat expenses on that, and paying the full balance (or close to) every month is not only a solid plan to fund your new Cryptid but a good way to track expenses and build credit.

Anyhow, I hope you find a delightful fuzzbutt of your own. The Cryptids have been A+ for my mental health and I don’t regret a single dollar spent on them.

#dearborn and polk #Anonymous

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bisame · 4 years

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hey I'm thinking of getting a rat in a few months and I'd like to get some advice, like how big should the enclosure be, should I have it be completely flat, or can it be tiered, should I get a second one with the first, if so should they be from the same litter or at least the same breeder, or can they be from two different places, what brands of food and treats do you prefer to give yours, how often should I clean, etc, etc. I already have experience caring for small rodents, (I had 2 gerbils and a hamster, and I help my sister with her guinea pigs) but none of them were very fond of handling

I'm not planning to breed them because that's a bit to much stress, I just want a litol fren

Hi! It’s great that you’re considering of getting rats. They make great pets because they’re so intelligent, social and cheap - at least when comparing to pets like dogs or cats.

Previous experience with other pets - rodents or not - is good to have, but, like with any other kind of pet, remember to do research before buying rats.

I’m getting into detail later but my tl;dr advice for you is:

Before buying a cage or contacting a breeder, be sure you have the money to care for rats. Be prepared for an unplanned visit to the vet. Have that money saved already. Just putting a rat to sleep can cost $250 in some places, so please keep that in mind when you’re buying rats. They are cheap pets, but their vet bills aren’t!

Start with three (but at least two) rats - girls are more active and energetic than boys, but they all have different personalities. Don’t buy from a store! Always from a breeder.

Cage needs to have enough space for them to run around and climb. For bedding I recommend aspen chips and/or paper pellets. For 2-4 rats I recommend a cage like Furplast Jenny, and a bigger one for +4 rats, such as Critter Nation or Savic Suite Royal.

Clean the cage weekly. I usually change the toilet corner’s bedding and wipe the levels bi-daily, and if there’s any “emergency” messes (eg. spilled porridge, diarrhea stains) clean them asap.

Main food should be food pellets (I always feed my rats brand called Altromin) and fresh/”real” food as an add on. I give them treats occasionally, usually as a reward

Rats need exercise and a lot of time outside of their cage, so please take them on the couch with you or let them run around free on your floor. Remember to rat-proof things, tho!

Always, always, ALWAYS, get more than just one rat when you’re starting a new pack. Rats are social animals and need the company of other rats - they play, sleep and groom together, and that’s key importance to their mental and physical health. Lonely rats are often phlegmatic, depressed or even aggressive.

Buy your rats from a trustworthy breeder. Don’t know any? Do some research. Browse through forums, facebook, read comments and reviews. If you’ve found one you trust and they’re happy to sell you babies, ask if you can see the family tree. It’s a red flag if they refuse, because they can’t be honest with you nor want you to see your pet’s family line. Inbreeding is a problem with rats as well as it is with dogs and cats....

Some breeders are more than happy to stay in contact with you and answer your questions and provide you help - so remember to ask them!

One thing I wish someone had told me when I got my first pack of rats was that have an extra enclosure (I had Ferplast Duna Multy) when you need to separate rats! In case there’s a fight or injury, have that extra cage (preferably a plastic cage/duna) so you can easily separate the rats. One night my rats fought, and I put the aggressive one on time-out. Another time my rat broke his leg and he needed to be in an environment where he couldn’t climb/hurt his leg any further and he stayed there until his leg was healed again. Remember to have a box for traveling, as well!

DON’T BUY FROM BREEDERS WHO BREED “MANX”, “DWARF” OR “CURLY TAIL” RATS, EVER!

Here’s a bunch of links to help with your research:

Keeping and caring for pet rats: https://www.thesprucepets.com/pet-rats-1236745

Best bedding for pet rats: https://pethelpful.com/rodents/What-Is-The-Best-Bedding-For-Pet-Rats

Rat cage setup for beginners: https://pethelpful.com/rodents/perfectrats

Homemade toys for rats: https://www.thesprucepets.com/homemade-toys-for-pet-rats-1238516

List of foods for rats: https://pethelpful.com/rodents/Rat-Nutritional-Information-Can-my-Pet-Rat-Eat-This

Rat health and welfare: https://www.rspca.org.uk/adviceandwelfare/pets/rodents/rats/health

Disorders and diseases of rats: https://www.merckvetmanual.com/en-ca/all-other-pets/rats/disorders-and-diseases-of-rats

Tumors in rats: https://www.thesprucepets.com/rat-tumors-1238498

How to trim nails: https://pethelpful.com/rodents/How-to-Trim-Your-Pet-Rats-Nails

Bathing a rat: http://ratguide.com/care/grooming/bathing.php

I wanted to add this too, bc/ it answers the “Can rats eat alfalfa” question pretty well (yes, they can): https://www.reddit.com/r/RATS/comments/d8vzkf/can_rats_eat_alfalfa/

#fancy rat #rat info #long post #not naruto #ilja.txt #im more than happy to talk abt rats !#and u can always shoot asks my way

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mysymestash · 5 years

Text

RFA + Saeran w/ MC who has terrible allergies

Yoosung

He was so excited when you told him you were coming to visit him at work!

Freaking out though lowkey because this is the first time you’ve seen his workplace and he wants to make you proud

This boy cannot sit still he’s trying to make sure everything is perfect, taking pictures of all the cutest animals, etc..

His nervousness goes away pretty quickly as soon as he sees you talking with the front desk

You had brought him a homemade lunch wrapped up in a cute patterned handkerchief??? He really couldn’t handle it anymore and basically tackle hugged you

All that nervousness and panic comes flooding back tenfold as you start coughing and sneezing basically as soon as he makes contact

So confused, pulls away immediately to make sure you’re okay

When you tell him sheepishly that you’re actually allergic to cats and dogs, but you wanted to see him at work anyways

At a vets office

Yoosung: >:0 ????

He is mortified and drags you outside for you to get some air

Scolds you for putting your own health in jeopardy

Afterwards sits down with you and you two have lunch together

Shows you all the pictures he took,, the amount of cute animal selfies he sends you doubles the next week because he doesn’t want you to miss out just because of your allergies

Jumin

I think you know where this is going

The first time you stay overnight at his place you forget your allergy medication at home (figures)

Still determined to stay because you don’t want to ruin the night

You decide to just try and keep your distance from Elizabeth as much as you can

That is, until she walks up to you and nuzzles your hand and makes your heart go uwu

Your fate had been sealed as you could obviously not bring yourself to push her away

Jumin comes home to find you sitting in the corner sniffling, eyes red and puffy

Drops everything and rushes over to you (does that slide thing on your knees people do in movies,, dude is dramatic)

.2 seconds away from calling the police in his distress

You have to stop him and fess up to your cat allergy

Devastated

“The fact that you have been cursed to not be able to witness such a regal breed in person..it is truly a deep sadness. I will do everything in my power to bring the full light of Elizabeth III into your life.”

Rest In Peace Jaehee because this man is about to launch the largest campaign in C&R history to cure cat allergies

Even when you tell him it’s unnecessary, all you need is your medication

Good luck trying to stop him

Saeyoung

He had been in a funk™️ the past week or so

Felt really bad for having you feed him and basically just keep him alive during that time

So he’s going to make you lunch!

More of a light snack

Because this boy does not know how to cook

PB&J sandwiches! A classic, everyone loves em

Even splurges a little from his HBC budget to get some marshmallow fluff in there

It’s all very cute,, and he brings you the plate plus a glass of milk

He’s got his proud and happy face on as you take a bite out of his creation

Until your face promptly starts swelling

[707 PANIC MODE ENGAGED]

Recognizes it as an allergic reaction almost immediately and mentally slaps himself for not checking if you had a peanut allergy

He keeps epipens and other medical emergency things around the house- but turns out he didn’t need it because you’d already dug one of your own out of somewhere and stabbed it into your leg

He didn’t realize he’d frozen up when your breathing became impaired

WILL blame himself for this,, requires an adequate amount of cuddles afterwards to make sure he doesn’t fall back into his funk™️

Makes sure to check that every little thing going into your mouth isn’t something you’re allergic to

“Are you allergic to hotdogs?”

“Wait! What if you’re allergic to my love?”

Quickly devolves into just teasing

But now he carries at least five epipens on his person at all times

Zen

Ayy allergy buddies

You immediately bond with him over your mutual cat allergy

Although it’s not nearly as severe as his who tf sneezes at pictures Zen

You two end up adopting a big fluffy black dog together

Teasing Jumin’s love for cats? Check. Spamming the messenger of selfies with your dog to annoy Jumin? Check.

Most of your interactions with Jumin will inevitably lead to the subject of your dog and Elizabeth III

Zen ends up taking your little ‘rivalry’ way too seriously

Both of you spend way too much money on dog collars, dog beds, dog clOTHES

Tries to get your dog casted in a theatrical show

Jihyun (V)

Oh the irony- you’re allergic to the sun

He honestly just thinks you’re really into skin care because of all your assorted lotions and creams

Doesn’t really think much of it until a very intense heatwave hits your town and you’re basically trapped inside your apartment

Usually you’re able to out for short periods of time during the summer as long as you cover up and moisturize, but this time it’s way worse

You can’t risk it so you end up just staying home most days

Except from Jihyun’s perspective it feels like you’re avoiding him??

You still message each other and have calls over the phone, but every time he tries to meet up somewhere you bail- not wanting to worry him about your condition

He’s pretty understanding for the most part, knowing that personal space is important to a relationship

But the man is human and he’s realizing that he really misses seeing you

A few days turns into weeks of not being out with you and my boy starts going a bit stir crazy

Begins to overthink every interaction you two have and had in the past couple weeks that may have caused you to start avoiding him

V being V, he bottles up all these emotions until one day when he’s just at your door

He’s just apologizing and apologizing for whatever he thinks he did wrong

You are just- incredibly confused

As soon as you figure out what’s happening you explain to him right away why you haven’t been able to go outside

The relief this man feels

Understands completely although he’s a little miffed you thought you had to keep this a secret from him

You two end up just hanging out at your place for the rest of the summer- cuddling and watching movies

He’s trying to make up for all the time you two missed out on lol

Buys you all the creams and medication you might need in the future 👍🏼

Saeran

Being with Saeran means you’re probably going to be eating a lot of ice cream

...which might not be super good for your dairy allergy

It’s never gotten worse than a slightly upset stomach though so you keep quiet about it

Well, it’s never gotten worse until now

After a particularly busy day at a new Baskin-Robbins that opened near your place- where he obviously was going to try every single flavour

Your body just could not handle it and he found you throwing up your guts at 2 in the morning

He just starts

Screaming

Thinks you’re dying for real,, does not know how to handle this situation

You’re basically trying to calm him down while also hacking and wheezing into the toilet

Once he sort of calms down enough to actually listen to what you’re saying, he just sits down next to you and pats your back really awkwardly

“Is this your way of comforting me”

“Shut up we’re never going back there again”

Jaehee

She had been overworking herself again recently and you’d forced her to take a break and hang out with you

You two decided to go out for a picnic, since it was such a nice day

She had packed cute bite sized sandwiches and fruit cubes

After eating, she had laid back on the blanket, just relaxing and listening to you talk

You were excitedly mentioning the new selfie Zen sent to the messenger, reaching for your phone to show her

Unfortunately you did not notice the bee chilling on your phone case

You did soon enough though when you felt the sharp sting in your hand a telltale bee sting

Jaehee immediately sat up when she heard your yelp, seeing your swelling hand and face

But this is baehee we’re talking about

Of course she knew about your allergy already and had three epipens ready

On the outside she was the epitome of calm and collected as she swiftly pulled out the pen and injected it into your thigh

But on the inside she was freaking out

Panic panic panic

After making sure you’re okay afterwards both of you decide that was enough for relaxing picnic time

You two had back home and just cuddle for the rest of the day watching recordings of Zen’s musical

#mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger headcanon #mystic messenger imagine #mysme headcanon #mysme imagine #mysme v #mysme saeran #mysme zen #mysme saeyoung #mysme jumin #mysme jaehee

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voltrontranscript · 4 years

Text

VForce E1: New School Defenders

Episode 1: New School Defenders

Transcript by @dragonofyang

Summary: We meet Daniel, a young Voltron fan after the Voltron Force is decommissioned, as he recounts the glory of Voltron and joins the Galaxy Alliance flight school, where he meets former pilots Lance, Pidge, and Hunk. But the Voltron Force doesn’t simply toe the line drawn by Sky Marshal Wade, and with Daniel and Vince’s help, they retrieve their lion keys.

[Google Doc]

Boy: Come on, Daniel, I dare you to do it.

Girl: Double dare you!

Boy: Do it!

Daniel: When are you guys gonna learn? It’s not a dare if I wanna do it.

[Cut between Daniel and Voltron as they chase the robeast, then return to Daniel.]

Daniel: You guys missed it! The lions just formed Voltron! Someday, that’s gonna be me. I’m gonna pilot the Black Lion.

Boy: Huh. You wish.

[Transition to Daniel’s bedroom, where Daniel narrates to the audience.]

Daniel: Yeah, I do wish. Unfortunately, it looks like that’s all it’ll ever be, now. Just a wish.

[Transition to a flashback of Planet Doom.]

Daniel: Not long after the Voltron Force wrecked shop on that robeast, they defeated Lotor and his Drule army. It was epic!

Lotor: What?

[Cut to a flash forward, where the Voltron Force celebrates their victory with the city.]

Daniel: I even got to go to the galaxy victory celebration. It was the greatest day of my life! Until… It was a disaster, but no one was hurt. That’s why I couldn’t believe how quickly everyone forgot all the good Voltron had done, as if they’d been brainwashed. The Defender of the Universe was declared a hazardous threat and decommissioned without even attempting to fix it. How shady is that? My dreams, gone. Now the only thing that excites me is going fast, really fast. So, I enrolled in the Galaxy Alliance flight academy, where things have turned out to be slow. Really slow. When’s life gonna pick up some speed? Of course, if all that wasn’t about to change, I wouldn’t be here telling you this story.

[Transition to opening sequence, with an electric guitar playing under the following lyrics.]

Woo!

One, two, three four!

Voltron’s here, kicking down your door!

Five, six, get with it.

We blaze ‘em with the sword and they can’t get away.

Seven, eight.

We’re bringing down the hurt so we’re here to stay.

Nine, ten, we here to win.

Voltron’s here, let the games begin!

Oh! (Let’s Voltron!)

Form up, let’s go!

All night! Let’s go!

Alright, we gonna rock (rock!) and roll (roll!)

Now to rock (rock!) and roll (roll!)

Oh!

[Transition to Daniel in class at the flight academy.]

Professor: ...and so the Galaxy Alliance Fractal Fighter has been Earth’s primary strike and defense weapon since… which battle, cadet Daniel?

Daniel: Huh? Um, the battle at Gemini Four?

Computer: Correct.

Professor: Commander Lance. To what do we owe the honor of a visit from the youngest head flight instructor in academy history?

Lance: I realized it was nearly the end of the first term, and I have yet to greet our first-year cadets. I wanted to get a look at the faces I’ll be seeing when they get into the cockpit in their third year.

Daniel: Ugh, third year.

Lance: So, do any of you potential pilots have any questions for me? Yes, cadet?

Daniel: Sir, with all due respect, why are you here teaching instead of defending the universe? What really happened with Voltron?

Professor: Daniel! You know mention of Voltron is forbidden by Sky Marshal Wade! There are severe consequences for violating this order. Commander Lance, I’m so sorry for--

Lance: It’s alright. I’ll speak of this once and only once. Yes, I used to be the pilot of the red Voltron lion, but after the incident, that’s something I’ve put in the past. Myself, along with tech sergeants Hunk and Pidge--formerly the yellow and green lions--are now loyal soldiers in the service of the Galaxy Alliance military. And Princess Allura, the former blue lion, is ruling on her home planet of Arus.

Daniel: What about the leader of Voltron? The black lion pilot, Commander Keith?

Lance: Ex-commander Keith is a wanted fugitive, and nobody knows his whereabouts.

[Scene change to Keith wearing shades on a beach.]

Manset: So, Commander Keith, I hear you are interested in the location of Wade’s secret base.

Keith: Your hearing is good.

Manset: Why are you seeking this base? Are you looking for trouble?

Keith: I’m looking for something Wade has that doesn’t belong to him, which may lead to trouble, but that doesn’t concern you. I paid you good money for that location, so--

Manset: Yes, well, unfortunately, some people are willing to pay more for your location. Please, do not make a big scene.

Keith: The size of the scene is up to you.

[Cut back to Daniel’s classroom.]

Daniel: How could you and the rest of the team just turn your backs on Commander Keith and Voltron?

Lance: Defending the universe is our top priority, and that’s exactly what the Galaxy Alliance is doing! Voltron was just a vehicle.

Daniel: Just a vehicle?

Lance: That’s enough. You, up. You’re coming with me. You, too.

Vince: Me? W-what’d I do?

Lance: Guilt by association.

[Cut back to Keith on the beach.]

Keith: So, this is how it’s gonna be.

Manset: At least I returned your money. You can count it. It’s all there.

Keith: Yeah, I’ll get right on that.

Masked Guard 1: Ah!

Masked Guard 2: Whoa.

Manset: A sword? Really?

Keith: It’s a weapon of honor. You wouldn’t understand.

[Cut to Lance, Vince, and Daniel entering an office.]

Wade: I assure you all, this supposed rising Drule threat is nothing but rumors to stir the masses.

Coran: But, Sky Marshal Wade, our sources have intercepted increased chatter about this mysterious commander Kala, specifically mentioning Lotor.

Wade: Lotor is dead! Furthermore, Ambassador Coran, if your sources happen to be “The Den”, you’d better think twice before quoting their intelligence to me considering they’re viewed as rebels against the Galaxy Alliance. You continually test my patience, honorable gentleman from Arus. Tread lightly. Good day. Commander Lance, these must be the cadets you called me about?

Lance: Yes, sir.

Wade: Normally I don’t like to concern myself with petty academy matters, but I take my “no Voltron” policy very seriously.

Daniel: Sir, I take full responsibility. He doesn’t belong here. I hardly know him, and he--

Wade: Do not speak, cadet, and don’t play that sickening nobility card, either. It’s a liability in combat. I need an army of obedient, ruthless, fighting machines, not some saps who are going to hesitate to consult their moral compass! Of course, this won’t be a problem for you if you violate my policy again, because a second offense would mean expulsion. However, this being your first, you are receiving the automatic sentence: latrine duty for the rest of the first term, and all of the second term, as well. I hope this teaches you to scrub Voltron from your lives completely.

Lance: I’m sure this experience will give them an entirely different perspective on Voltron, sir.

Daniel: It already has.

[Scene change to the latrines.]

Daniel: Man, I am so sorry I got you into this… mess.

Vince: Hey, you just said what I was thinking. I’m more of the non-confrontational type.

Daniel: Yeah, speaking of “type”, I’ve been meaning to thank you for helping me in class. How did you do, uh, that?

Vince: A tech-gician never reveals his tricks.

Daniel: Huh, you’re an interesting guy, um… I don’t even know your--

Vince: It’s Vince. Should I pretend I don’t know your name’s Daniel to make this less awkward for you?

Daniel: Probably. Well, I definitely owe you one, Vince.

Vince: Ah, don’t worry about it. You can just save my life sometime.

Daniel: So, Vince, what do you think of this place so far?

Vince: You mean, besides the life sentence of latrine duty, and the fact that one of our heroes turned out to be a total snart?

Daniel: Yeah, and then there’s this. I came here to fly jets, and all first-years do are stupid simulators.

Vince: Actually, I like the simulators. All the fun of flying, with none of the death.

Daniel: Unlocked?

Vince: You wanna…

Daniel: Totally.

Vince: Wait, I thought you didn’t like the simulators.

Daniel: I don’t, at least not when we’re supposed to be in them. But now, we’re like Commander Keith, rebel outlaws, operating in the shadows.

[Cut to space, where a single fighter cruises across the screen.]

Keith: I can’t believe Manset was a traitor. He was thoroughly vetted by the Den. And why’d he return my money? It just doesn’t make sense… Says the guy talking to a space mouse. Huh? The coordinates to Wade’s base? “It’s all there.” This is Stalker calling the Den. The watering hole has been located. I’m going hunting. Set course for the Tarvos moon of Saturn.

[Cut to the flight simulators in the Galaxy Alliance academy.]

Daniel: See? These simulators are way too easy. I’m ready to try this stuff pulling twelve G’s.

Vince: Alright, Whiny McGee. You want me to make this interesting for you?

Daniel: Whoa! I thought you were non-confrontational!

Vince: I am, in real life. Well, would you look here? It seems the simulator wants to feel more hurt.

Daniel: Easy pickings.

Lance: What? Can’t you boys keep up?

Daniel: Commander Lance?

Lance: You just want to get expelled, don’t you? Considering this is most likely your last act as GA cadets, let’s see what you’re made of. Hope your straps are on tight.

Daniel: Why? It’s not like these simulators are going to rocket off--woah! Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Lance: You might want to pull your emergency brake right… now.

Vince: Y-your simulator almost killed me!

Lance: Huh, and Voltron contraband to boot. Wade would throw you in a secret holding cell to rot. Lucky for you, I’m not Wade. Boys, welcome to…

Pidge: The Den.

Lance: Cadets, I’d like you to meet--

Vince: You’re Pidge!

Daniel: The Green Lion pilot! That’s Hunk, the yellow lion!

Pidge: What are you doing? You’re not even welding anything.

Hunk: Yeah, but I wanted to make a cool entrance for these little dudes.

Lance: Mission accomplished.

Daniel: Is Keith here, too?

Lance: Always with the Keith.

[Transition to Keith breaking into a building, then back to the Den.]

Pidge: Why would you draw glasses on top of my glasses?

Daniel: Um, six eyes? I don’t know, I’m not an artist.

Hunk: Well, I’d better get back to duty, but I look forward to working with you clowns in the future.

Daniel: Huh?

Vince: Huh?

Lance: We need to keep up appearances. We’ve been pretending to be the epitome of a good soldier and loyal to Sky Marshal Wade so that he never suspects our underground activities. Pidge and Hunk have built this secret network that has access to Wade’s GA resources.

Pidge: It’s been quite useful in helping Keith on his secret mission.

Daniel: What kind of secret mission?

Lance: The kind that’s a secret.

Daniel: Okay, fine, but you still haven’t explained why we’re here. What does any of this have to do with us?

Lance: Let’s just say your talents have been noticed, and we’d like to cultivate them. In fact, how would you like to take a very cultivating course right now, taught by yours truly?

Vince: Totally! What’s the course?

Lance: Toilet Scrubbing 101. Oh, you’re right, you already have a bit of experience. We’ll call it 102.

[Cut to Keith continuing to infiltrate the building.]

Keith: Great.

Guard: All clear.

[Cut back to the Den.]

Daniel: Okay, we can tell there’s something cool going on here, but if it involves cleaning more toilets…

Lance: Look, I’m going to be asking you to do a lot of things in the future that won’t seem to make sense, but there will always be a reason. The question is, after what you’ve seen, do you trust me?

Daniel: I think so, but why won’t you just give us a straight answer about anything?

Lance: Partially because you aren’t ready to know, but mostly because it’s way more fun for me this way. So I’ll ask again: do you trust me? Because if you don’t, I can have Pidge erase this from your memory.

Daniel: Okay. We’re in.

Lance: Phew! That’s a huge relief, because we do not have a memory-erasing device. That’s science fiction.

[Cut to Keith walking through a corridor.]

Keith: What are you making, Wade?

Guard 1: Hey, you. Have you seen anyone suspicious?

Keith: Probably another false alarm set off by space mice or something.

Guard 2: Yeah, but we gotta run through the motions anyway.

Keith: Decrypt security code. Come on, come on. Shh. Shoo!

[Cut back to the Den.]

Lance: School is in session. How much do you know about Sky Marshal Wade?

Vince: He’s the head of the Galaxy Alliance’s military division.

Daniel: And a snart who hates Voltron.

Pidge: True, but it’s more complicated than that. Wade’s been wanting control of the alliance military for years, always claiming that Voltron was dangerous because the power within the lions is an ancient technology that isn’t fully understood.

Lance: Though we can’t prove it, we know he sabotaged Voltron to turn the public against it.

Daniel: I knew it!

Lance: Wade used this as an excuse to convince the Galaxy Alliance that Voltron’s power isn’t to be trusted. He got them to regulate the lions back to their storage chambers on Arus.

Pidge: However, I believe that Wade actually just wanted to study their technology.

Lance: While I believe it’s time to start your first class project. Wade is a well-decorated general, but he’s particularly proud of his four-stripe pin. Pidge has made a replica of this pin, and you boys are gonna swap this out.

Daniel: Your master revenge plan is switch out his favorite pin for a fake?

Lance: Yes. Remember our earlier conversation about trust?

Daniel: Remember you don’t have a mind-erasing device?

Lance: Touche. Let’s continue anyway, shall we? Latrine duty happens to be the only hole in Wade’s security. The toilet-cleaning cadets have pretty much unfettered access. And like all disciplined army men, Wade does everything on an air-tight schedule, and I mean everything. Now, we already know you have a talent for sneaking around, so when Wade’s coat is off for his “0600”, that’s your chance to make the swap. Should be a piece of cake.

[Transition to Daniel and Vince in Wade’s bathroom.]

Daniel: Nice.

Vince: Sweet.

Vince: I think this time he’s finished. Like us. How did you… What were you thinking?

Daniel: I didn’t think at all. Guess you’re lucky I’m impulsive.

Vince: Yeah, well, consider the “saving my life” debt paid. I was hoping to hold that over your head, but--

Wade: Look at this mess, you insufferable beast! I swear, if you chase one more mouse...

[Scene change to Keith, sneaking through the vents.]

Keith: Found you.

[Scene change back to Lance, Daniel, and Vince.]

Lance: Ah, there it is. Nice job, boys. Piece of cake, right?

Vince: More like piece of meat.

Lance: Well, you did such a good job, that I’ve decided to expel you from the academy, after all. Unless you’d rather stay and finish out your two terms of latrine. You are showing great promise in that field of study. Go on and pack your bags, boys. We’re taking a road trip.

[Scene change to space.]

Vince: This is all happening so fast.

Daniel: I often find fast is the best way.

Lance: So, I think you boys have earned the right to know a bit more about Wade’s pin. More like “pins”. And more like “keys” than “pins”.

Daniel: The keys to the lions!

Allura: Welcome to Arus, and welcome to the Castle of Lions.

Daniel: Whoa. Where’s the black key?

Lance: I assure you, it’s in good wrists.

End.

#voltron force #keith #lance #daniel #allura #manset #wade #vince #pidge #hunk #coran #transcript

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eskiworks · 5 years

Text

Loaf update (This one's a rollercoaster)

Since Loaf's recent emergency, a lot has happened! The vet who told us Loaf had a few days left to live has been let go from the practice. He was wildly wrong about her hemoglobin levels, and if he had given that advice to a different person, they might have jumped the gun and put their cat down. I had multiple outsiders telling me to do the same thing when I first posted asking for donations to cover her emergency care. So what happened? As soon as we reached the goal amount of donations, Preston and I took her to the 24 hour vet that was going to do her blood transfusion (different from her regular vet). That night they decided to do some chest x-rays to see if there was any other cause for her shallow rapid breathing. Something the other vet failed to even suggest to us. Chest x-rays revealed pretty healthy lungs other than signs of her lifelong asthma, but also an enlarged heart with a little fluid around it. A blood transfusion wasn't safe to do, they were shocked that was even suggested! At 18% PCV (hemoglobin) she was definitely anemic, but cats that go as low as 8% or 9% are candidates for transfusions. She just wasn't there. After getting a second opinion from their radiologist, we confirmed that a blood transfusion was definitely not the correct treatment for Loaf. We needed to treat with a bone marrow stimulant to up her PCV. I very nearly didn't get the medication in time because of her first vet's incompetence and some technical problems with our pharmacy, but she did get it and is getting weekly injections at home now! We will retest her PCV in a week to make sure it's working. Loaf's shallow rapid breathing was likely caused by a blood clot, since anemic cats can often get clots (yet another thing the original vet failed to inform us of). So she was put on a blood thinner, and within a few days here breathing evened out. We consulted with a cardiologist who agreed with the diagnosis and treatment. No clots showed up on imaging, but they often don't. Her breathing rate is now even and healthy, especially for an asthmatic cat! But Loaf wasn't out of the woods yet. Several days into her blood clot treatment, Loaf went blind... We rushed her to the 24 hour vet once more. They found she had high blood pressure (a side effect of her kidney disease), and as a result both her retinas had partially detached. Preston and I were heartbroken. We were sent home with a blood pressure medication prescription, and some advice on how to help her adapt. Apparently this is pretty common, and cats tend to adapt pretty fast so long as you don't move the furniture around. Loaf had been without sight for a little over 36 hours, and she was already navigating around the house with ease, eating a bunch, and seemingly doing just fine other than a little constipation. She's just incredible, I'm constantly amazed by her resilience. We gave her the first dose of her blood pressure medication the next day as soon as I could get it, and made some changes around the house to remove some possible hazards for her. The next day, Preston shook me awake yelling "She can see, Loaf can see!" He had walked into my office, found her on her windowsill shelf (which she had been avoiding while blind), and called her name. When she turned around she looked right at him with normal looking eyes, and gave him a big long slow cat blink! He did some quick vision tests much to her annoyance, and she indeed had her vision back! At least mostly, we think she still has some amount of vision impairment. Apparently there's a small chance that if you treat blood pressure related retinal detachment fast enough, their vision can come back partially, or all the way. And goddamnit, we hit that small chance!!! How is she now? Loaf now has three new permanent medications to her routine; a blood thinner, a blood pressure medication, and a bone marrow stimulant. Because of our quick action and your donations, she will not suffocate from within from anemia, her blood clot situation won't kill her, and she is not blind. We spent that donation money on several blood tests, 2 emergency vet visits, xrays, ultrasounds, specialist consultations, two cheap medications and one VERY expensive medication ($400 for a 1ml vial). Her kidney disease continues to progress, so while all this won't save her kidneys, it HAS given her more time, more comfort, and less pain. I know a lot of people were very unhappy with me asking for donations to help her, or very unhappy that I didn't choose to euthanize her. But my duty is not to those people, it is to HER and her alone. I will continue to give her every chance possible, and when she is ready I will help her pass so she doesn't suffer. That could be in a few weeks, or a few months. I'll just keep doing everything I can for her, and give her the best life possible. So for now, YOU GUYS SAVED HER. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!

#loaf #cat #thank you #loaf update

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theramseyloft · 5 years

Text

Update to our FB page intro

The Ramsey Loft is a small, indoor aviary run by Myself and my husband out of our home in Hephzibah Ga.

We are working on developing a line of therapy pigeons: Selecting exclusively for physical soundness and friendliness starting from a base flock that we hope will eventually include Giant Homer, Utility King, Lahore, West Of England Tumbler, Frillback, Show Type Racing Homer, Voorburg Shield Cropper, Old Dutch Capuchine, Danzig High Flier (exhibition), Luscerne Gold Collar, Classic Old Frill, Old German Owl, Chinese Owl, and Portuguese Tumbler.

The Ramsey flock is not caged, and they are allowed to choose their own mates.

I document each breeding carefully, keeping back any new blends for developmental observation and temperament evaluation.

Our cap is 12 adults of each sex.

Once a peep matures, the least human-social adult of the same sex retires and is made available to adopt.

If the least human social happens to be the peep that just matured, then that bird goes up for sale.

We hope to ensure this way that the birds with the best temperament stay in the profram the longest, so that they will have the best chances of contributing to the next generation.

To ensure that they are eating well on their own and developing correctly, our young may go home no sooner than six weeks of age.

We prefer to keep only the first of any new blend back for research and potential breeding.

Second hatches, and any subsequent young are trained and evaluated.

Ramsey squeakers are all handled from hatch day: One minute at a time for peeps less than a week old, to prevent them from chilling.

After the first week, when they retain more body heat, handling periods incrementally increase to 5 and then 10 minute sessions.

Once weaned, peeps are allowed to choose whether or not they want to be handled, as part of their temperament evaluation.

At two and a half weeks, most are beginning to learn to peck and feathered enough for brief outings. Peeps who are not keep backs begin their training about then.

We start by treat training them with the flock and taking them out in public in a basket to see how they respond to sound and movement, and the people that may reach to touch them.

We are looking for an alert baby that is comfortable enough to preen, interested in its surroundings, and either indifferent to or curious about hands.

At three weeks, we introduce the peeps to a practice harness and begin carrier training, with both fabric small pet carriers and plastic kitty crates.

Not every bird is comfortable with a harness, or with people in big groups.

6 week olds that have passed their training and are comfortable being among multiple people, traveling in a carrier, and wearing a harness; who are focused on their handler and not reactive to other people or animals while harnessed, are $100.

Retired breeders and young birds who do not pass their therapy training are $50.

We do, on occasion, take in and foster homeless domestic birds until they can be matched with a good home.

The adoption fee for rescues is $20

The Ramsey birds are raised to be Companions first and foremost, and a lot of time and care goes into their upbringing and training.

A lot of time and work, and often money goes into our rescues, all of whom are seen by our vet and tested for parasites when they arrive, and again before they are cleared to go home.

We do not do bulk, and there is no discount for multiples.

Please, don't ask for birds that you are not able to pay for. This is not a thing I should have to say. >v<

Birds may be reserved with a nonrefundable deposit, provided that the balance is paid by the release date agreed upon.

Though I favor local pick up, Shipping is available with in the continental US.

I prefer to be paid via Paypal for shipments, but will accept a check or money order only if sent with tracking.

Dear clients and columbid lovers,

If you would like to make an appointment for visitation, have any questions about the care of doves or pigeons, or concerns about your specific dove or pigeon, please don't hesitate to call.

I am at your service at all hours for emergencies and here to support you, your flock, and your interest in the Columbidae through all stages of development.

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onetruejonsey · 5 years

Text

Decade In Review, by Samuel Richard Sinbad Gandalf Jones

So as the ‘Teens’ come to a close (I’m writing this with 3 hours left on the clock!), Gabby has insisted that I copy her, and do a highlight reel of my last decade. Now I’m not on YouTube yet, so this’ll be more of a REALLY REALLY long post, but go ahead and read it, then read Gabby’s on her page (@mist-over-water), and see just how boring I really am!

2010-

Well this year was boring as hell, clearly. I CAN’T REMEMBER MOST OF IT. But I was part way through my first year of A-Levels, and boy oh boy, was I failing them, I’d gone from being a straight A student to screwing everything up! Didn’t stop procrastinating though…..

2011-

Okay, now things get a little interesting, I got my first big job working at a really pleasant and mature restaurant….AHAHA just kidding I got a job at my local McDonald’s! It took me three attempts to get in there, not because I sucked, but timing sucked, I think the universe eventually saw me and just said ‘Oh fuck it, have the job’. But I wanted to earn some money to take me to university, and this seemed like a good idea at the time! And my first paycheck was spent on a brand new guitar! So I was a happy Sam!

I finished my A-Levels, and when I got my results, I was crushed, not at the results, they were pretty good. All my university choices rejected me, and all my friends made it. It was my own fault to be honest, but I’ll never forget just how low that made me feel. I was pretty angsty back then, so this just added to my pile!

I decided it was best to stay at work, go full time, get waaaaay more money, and try again next year. This proved to be a good decision, as it led to me being invited to my first ever work party, I got drunk, and there was karaoke, and I gave my best rendition of Basket Case by Green Day, and to this day, there are still whispers of my singing prowess. Even though I’m a bit shit.

2012-

I started 2012 with a pinch of determination, and it paid off. I re-applied for university, and all my choices accepted me, so now it was down to me to make my final decision. I’d had my eye on one in particular, so off me and Mum go to Northampton, 2 and half hours later, and the sat-nav took us to a primary school (I’ll never forget the shopkeeper on the same road-‘Looking for the uni? You’re the 4th person today!’). I fell in love with the whole place, and as soon as I got in the car I looked at Mum and said that I had to be there. I accepted the offer within a minute of being home.

Now from the good to the bad. Something happened to me this year that still sticks with me, and to many, this may seem stupid. But my dog died. Sounds stupid right? Jazz was the best dog I have ever known; loyal, unwavering, had the gift of the gab, and never left us alone. I was convinced she was actually a human reincarnated, she looked after Mum when she was ill, she looked after me when I was miserable, and she loved Dad. What made it more heartbreaking was that she never let us know that she was ill, no, that she was dying. When we got her to the vet, they originally thought it was a little infection, nothing major. The next day we had to rush her in as an emergency, and they found a tumour in her stomach the size of a baby’s head. How we never knew about it I’ll never know, but they operated, and got her all cleared up, and yet it wasn’t enough, she died within the hour, and I buried one of my best friends. This led to a vacuum in our house, we’ve always had dogs and the house felt so wrong without one, so Mum and Dad decided, one day without telling me, to go and get our current doggo Indiana. AND TALK ABOUT GOING FROM ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER. If Jazz was the best dog ever, Indy is definitely the worst. But we love him, still today as a grumpy old man.

2012 saw me do something that I honestly never thought possible, and dead serious moment here: I genuinely never saw this coming for me, and was convinced that I was not the guy who would be in this situation. But I got a girlfriend, and it was my first relationship. Not ‘first major relationship’, like people who would bounce from quick fling to the next, but my first relationship. To me, a relationship is no small matter, you date me, I’m in it for the long term. Sam ain’t no quick and easy thing! Oh god why am I still such a dork. Anyway, so, yeah, my first relationship, and dear god was I clueless about what to do! And oh shit, I was leaving for uni in September, so would this work long distance? Am I boyfriend material? Will her parents like me? Will my parents like her?....ah fuck it, I WAS 19 AND IN LOVE. I DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT. And whilst we spent some of it long distance, we made it work.

2013-

Now that bit where I was really excited for university and all I’d learn in my 3 years there? Yeah I left after the first year. Cool. My finances were screwed over and I didn’t get my money, so I couldn’t go back, but I guess it was meant to happen for a reason.

Leaving university meant I could focus more on working back home at McDonald’s, so I tried for a promotion, got it, and lost it the day after because of bullshit. But I still carried on, because money’s nice right? I could buy nice things with it, like more stuff for my guitar collection! And many presents! But my my, I think I was getting into a world of pain staying there!

But while we’re on the subject of work and stuff, I got punched in the face by a shitty customer. And it broke my cheekbone. Which I didn’t find out about until a week later when I practically passed out and my girlfriend at the time rushed me to hospital! Since that’s happened I’ve always had a little problem with headaches, lately it’s been really good, to the point I’ve spent pretty much all of 2019, with no headache at all!

Still, finish a topic on a good note, I had my first ever trip to London, it was just me and my girlfriend, and we visited a bakery show. But London itself wowed me, and I fell in love with it, and I always knew I would be back there, just….not how I imagined.

2014-

Starting off, I went back to London! My girlfriend bought me tickets for me and my best friend to go and see Halestorm. MY FIRST CONCERT. And it was epic, I’d ben obsessed with Halestorm for some time already by this stage, so to see them live was a pivotal moment for me. The opening acts were shit, but my god, as soon as Lzzy belted out Love Bites…..oh, ohhh, OHHHHHH my god. The night itself was hectic enough, my friend and I didn’t think to book a hotel. Soooooo we had to run like fuck to make it back to the train, lest we be trapped in London for a whole night!

One big change in this year was my girlfriend and I moving into our own place, granted it was a static caravan, but it was ours, decorated, a bit cold, but it was home. Now, here’s a weird bit, I was home alone one night, and was just getting into bed, when I heard someone at the door. I thought it was my girlfriend home from work, but she was on a night? So, what’s the deal here? Oh wait that’s right, it was Gabby, drunkenly mistaking my caravan for hers! I heard muttering as she left, probably something along the lines of ‘Shit, not my caravan’. But if fate was starting the wheels turning, god she made it a slow fucking burn!

It took me a lot of years to pull this off, but I had my first ever holiday abroad! Rhodes, one of the Greek isles! I recall getting drunk a lot, really good food, and severe heat! But it was my first holiday in forever, and I went away with my girlfriend, her mum and her friend.

Aaaaaand then everything fell apart. I never expected myself to be in a relationship, but once I had one, I didn’t see it ending the way it did. And I’m not airing any dirty laundry, I wasn’t and am still not perfect, but I’m not bitter or twisted about it anymore, it just sucked at the time. I was cheated on, and to anyone who’s had it happen to them knows that it does a lot of damage, it can take a lot of time to recover, and I was lucky to have the friends I had to help me.

The latter half of 2014 saw me drop into a real dark place, I contemplated suicide, and one day I considered it, staring at a packet of tablets for about 6 hours. It took my best friend randomly appearing at my house, practically kidnapping me and taking me to see Guardians of the Galaxy to snap me out of it! But both him and that movie saved my life, so I’m forever grateful to the pair of them. Also I started drinking heavily, at an unhealthy level but, like John Mulaney said, we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

2015-

Back to having a bit of a dull year, but only a bit. I knuckled down and got on with work, and proved myself time and time again. I remade myself, sorted my drinking out, and did a lot to make myself better, or at the very least, less of a fuckup.

I also managed to cram in three more concerts this year, saw Halestorm again with my best friend and another friend, and we loved one of the supporting acts, Nothing More. AND I GOT TO MEET THE SINGER AND HE WAS THE NICEST ERMAHGERD AND I STILL HAVE THE TICKET WHICH HE SIGNED. Then it was Theory of a Deadman later in the year, and they were phenomenal. But by far, the cherry on the cake was seeing Nothing More again, as a VIP! I got to meet the whole band, watch them from close up, got a crapload of merch, and just have the best damn concert experience I could ever have!

2016-

I started this year a little bit worse for wear, I was a little downbeat about things, and was a little bit lost with my choices in life. So I got a cat. Meg the Merciless. And she is a total bitch, mostly disobedient, attacker of unwatched feet. But she is one hell of a companion, and she loves me and Gabby, we can always rely on her to show us a little love and affection when we need it. But as long as it’s on her terms.

Only one concert this year, but it was a biggie: Sum 41 in London, with the same two friends I go to concerts with, aaaaaand we were bruised and injured from surrounding mosh pits, I think Jacob got a cracked rib for his troubles, and I got a smack in the head, so fun times all round!

I tried again for a promotion at work, and made progress! So that was good, my life’s going forwards, what else could happen to make this year more awesome?

OH THAT’S RIGHT I MET GABBY. Yep, thank you Plenty of Fish for giving the option to exercise my social awkwardness from a screen, because that makes me feel so much better! Anyway, yeah Gabby and I started talking on there, I seem to recall the conversation starting off about surviving a zombie apocalypse? Darling, please correct me if I’m wrong! But we started off strong, and carried on strong from there, I was able to open up to her, which made me feel amazing, confident about being in a relationship again, and then we finally met. And our first date was amazing, it may have been a simple idea, drinks, dinner, walking, trying to be a gentleman and not look at Gabby’s butt. Being told by Gabby to look at her butt, giving said butt 2 thumbs up. The usual stuff you know? But the thing that marvelled me most? Her honesty. Gabby hasn’t had the best life, and she has told me so much that any one thing might break some people, and yet Gabby has endured it all, and she is still one of the kindest people I have ever known. She was worried that I might’ve been scared off with what she wanted me know, but it made me love her more, because she trusts me to the point that she’ll tell me all of this. I visited the zoo in October with her, had an amazing first Christmas with her, met her nieces, who are all adorable, met her friends, had a blast, and had a somewhat awkward time introducing Gabby to my parents!

2017-

After nearly 6 months, Gabby was offered the chance to move in with me and my parents, because her home life was…pretty terrible. After suffering psychological abuse for 7 years at the hands of a total scumbag (side note, I find it really hard to hate people, but if this guy died? Fine.) and going away with me to London for a few days, she made the choice to move in. And I think she’s finally realising how terrible a choice that was, because this house is a total nutfest, and she is now a part of it AND CAN NEVER ESCAPE. But she’s embraced it, and has become a better person with her new environment!

Sticking to the topic of Gabby, she landed a job working with me at McDonald’s. And we became one of the greatest working couples in the whole world, people loved us there. Well, most people. I loved working with her, but the managers were becoming total dicks at the time, and Gabby was being discriminated for her mental health, which pissed me off. And thanks to my shitty advice, she quit in November. So go me!

I realise that so far, my 2017 has been largely about Gabby, AND THAT ISN’T STOPPING ANYTIME SOON! I made a post before about this, but Gabby took me to LFCC, my first ever convention. We went to London again, had a ball, met Glenn from Walking Dead, and Crowley from Supernatural! Later in the year we would also go back to London for MCM Comic-Con, which was more spectacle, but I preferred LFCC more, there were more famous people, and I’m a sucker for meeting the famous!

I saw Sum 41 again with my best friend, and we learned our lesson from the last concert, so we got seats up top, and watched from relative safety, and thank god for that because my hearing went to crap after that night! Gabby bought me tickets to go and see Nothing More again as well, and to show her my world a little more, I took her with me! God they know how to put on a show!

The year ended on the shitty side, and I was a pretty shitty boyfriend with this. But Gabby’s nan fell ill, and it wasn’t looking good, and when Gabby needed me after going to be with her mum at the end of the year, I wasn’t there. So I will be spending the rest of my life trying to make up for it. Sorry sweetheart.

2018-

A shit start to be honest. Gabby’s nan died, and it was a stressful time all round, Gabby and I had a massive argument, and I nearly drove her to self harm. Way to go Sam, you prick. I was convinced that after that, we would be over. Why would Gabby want to be with someone who drives her mental health into the dirt? So naturally I was surprised when she told me she still loved me, and still wanted to be with me, and when she moved back, and got a new job, I saw this as a chance to get things going back in the right direction, for the sake of us, and to show Gabby that I will always love her.

NOW FOR A BIG DRAMATIC CHANGE IN SAM’S LIFE. I quit McDonald’s. And looking back at it, thank fuck I did. I was gunning for another promotion, and I got so close to becoming a manager, only for it to be taken away. Yet another opportunity snatched by arseholes. So that was it, fuck ‘em. I quit, and thanks to Gabby finding it, I got a new job working in the same company as my dad, and I can safely say I have not regretted that decision. I love my new job to pieces!

Now, back to Gabby. AND YET ANOTHER DRAMATIC CHANGE IN SAM’S LIFE. In August, on Gabby’s birthday, I wanted to take her to the zoo, with her mum and nieces in tow. And that was the day I lost my girlfriend. AND GAINED A FIANCEÉ SEE WHAT I DID THERE TUMBLR? SUBVERT YOUR EXPECTATIONS OH YEAH. I proposed, and she said yes! I’m going to be a husband! I’m grateful for everything Gabby does, she teaches me so much, and sometimes doesn’t realise it, so to hear her say yes has to be the greatest thing she has done for me so far, because it shows that she wants to spend the rest of her life with an overweight, greying, eccentric, potty mouthed nerd.

I started learning to drive this year, because goddamn it, if I’m going to get somewhere with my life, I needed to drive, I needed a car. So I found a driving school, and got to work. Now it took me going to a different driving school to find out that my first instructor was just trying to bleed me for money, but I enjoyed the driving all the same. But when I had to find a new driving school, I saw that as an opportunity to procrastinate my arse off again. Well done Sam, well done. You prat.

2019-

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST. After getting in with a new driving school, I got on really quickly, and passed first time, and in May, after Gabby passed her test as well, we got our first car. Moss, the (nearly) 18 year old Nissan Micra. He’s old, a bit clunky, but he’s an amazing car, and I couldn’t picture a better car for us to start with. Mainly because he’s small and really easy to park.

After getting my butt into gear, and sorting out some crap on my end, Gabby and I really got into planning our wedding, we set the date, and from there, we decided on venues, transport, Gabby chose a dress, everything was coming together in the planning phase. However, we didn’t anticipate that we would have already booked over ¾ of the wedding before the end of this year! Seriously, our wedding is in 2021, and we are practically done. WE BOOKED OUR HONEYMOON A FEW DAYS AGO FOR GOD’S SAKE. So yeah, 2020 may be a little less exciting!

Now for a little bit of a shitty part of 2019. I found out a friend of mine died, and that left me feeling down as hell. Of all the people, I never imagined my friend Jay would be one to go so soon. He was a massive character, big heart, and a bigger laugh to match. To hear him pass was frigging heartbreaking, and I don’t think I’ll stop visiting him anytime soon.

Do I know what the next decade holds for me? Not a clue, but I’m glad I’m not alone for it, with Gabby at my side, and our wedding not that far away, I’m ready to make her the happiest woman alive, to start the family that we both want (I mean, apparently we’ll have twins when we have kids, so that’s going to be fun!), to live the lives that we want to spend together. To spend time with friends, new, old, and really old. But most importantly, to have her for all of it.

#personal #personal post #life #ten years #decade in review

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doberbutts · 6 years

Link

And the followup post, here.

Okay folks, this is one I’ve resisted posting about for a while, but enough people have sent it to me (including a link from WADTT from a group where the author goes further into detail on this subject, thank you darling <3 ) that I guess it’s time.

I’m going to start with- this is why I don’t like it when people who are not involved in something decide they want to judge something they don’t know anything about. I’m, of course, not saying this woman doesn’t know anything about dog training- her credentials are enough to say otherwise. But the phrasing of both of these articles indicate that she has never taken her dogs through a CGC before and, indeed, has never done any sort of AKC event before. In fact, one of her main problems with it (and one of her source’s main problems with it, but I’ll go into that later) is that the AKC is an organization that makes money because people do stuff with their dogs with said organization. Her source is more talking about puppy mills- in which it exaggerates a bit and implies that the money the AKC makes yearly is mostly coming from litter entries (ignoring the large sums coming from show entries, titles, etc) while her post implies that they’re getting quite a hefty sum from CGC entries (ignoring... all the other stuff the AKC does). Another reasons she gives for not liking the CGC is that the rulebook states that they don’t care what method you use to teach the items- something true of all AKC titles- as long as your dog is in the approved back-clipping non-restrictive harness, flat collar, martengale collar, or slip collar come testing day. She even does not like that the CGC allows the slip collar to be used during the test, despite the fact that- like all AKC titles- it’s not meant to be used during the test, as correcting your dog even verbally will fail you.

Far be it from me to claim the CGC is the end-all of dog behavior. We have had dogs right here on dogblr that decidedly were not the epitome of good temperament pass CGC and even CGCA. I’ve passed a dog that I know is dog aggressive, but he was not during testing time or class, so I also could not fail him. I just had an argument with a high profile dobe breeder about why the CGC program is not an ideal standard for service dogs. I have my own problems with the program, and my own problems with the AKC, and I can’t really say either is perfect.

I’ve taken close to 50 dogs through the CGC in 2018 and the first couple days of 2019 alone at this point. As most of you are aware, I am not a +R trainer by the strictest sense of the term. As most of you are also aware, I am required to be so while at my job. That means the vast majority of my students must adhere strictly to force-free methodology, and exceptions may only be made when there is a serious safety concern regarding strength of dog vs strength of human. This also means that the majority of my CGC students have run through the CGC without ever feeling any sort of pressure or compulsion. While, yes, the rulebook does state that whatever methods you want can be used for teaching the items, my job states that I am much more limited. Besides that, I’m pretty pro-don’t-punish-your-dog-for-not-reading-your-mind and anti-use-corrective-collars-to-fix-your-shitty-foundation, so there’s that too, even with my personal dogs aka dogs I’m allowed to actually do whatever I want with. Just as an aside, but I took CGC classes at Petco as well when I ran through the program with Creed because I can and they’re free for me, so I also was not allowed to have him on anything more corrective than a martengale during class or test. This means no slip collar either- something allowed by AKC rules but not by the testing facility. Clearly the CGC can be passed while sticking firmly to a +R ideology.

But that’s not enough- in the group where she discussed her reasonings for this, the mere fact that the CGC rulebook states that it allows slip collars, that you can do whatever you want in training, and that the AKC refuses to totally ban metal aversives is bad enough to never want to take a CGC. Simply funding the organization with your $10 is bad enough to not want to do it. That, to me, is more than a little ridiculous.

Onto the next point- the fear that more people beginning to require a CGC to insure or rent to dog owners would split up dogs and humans- specifically fearful or aggressive dogs, and low income families. This is a tricky one to navigate, and one that I’m very much wishing she hadn’t thrown human social talking points into (misogyny, violence against women, income status, etc). First of all- there is no current punishment for failing your CGC besides a little bit of embarrassment or frustration if you thought your dog was ready, so the whole “scarlet letter of bad citizen” is exaggerated hyperbole at best. Second of all, no insurance company to date has required a CGC that I am aware of, but has given discounts for one being present. Third, HOAs and landlords have actually changed from disallowing pets completely to saying that they will allow a pet if it’s trained to a visible standard- this is a good thing. This is not “landlords and HOAs used to allow dogs all the time but now they require your dog pass a test”, it’s “landlords and HOAs used to not allow any dogs or only allow dogs smaller than 25lbs or have breed bans and now instead of that they just want to make sure your dog is somewhat trained”. Forward progress. Creed failed his CGC at 13 months. He passed it at 22 months. Failing it the first time had literally zero effect on his ability to pass it the second time, except that I knew what things he still needed practice with before our second go around.

If your dog is too fearful or too aggressive to pass a CGC test with dedicated training, you probably shouldn’t be renting with it. These are easy things to pass and things your dog will have to navigate at some point in its life. Your dog is going to need to be touched by strangers at the vet or groomer. Basic obedience- positions, recall, stay, those are things that literally save lives in emergency situations. Your dog is going to need to be able to peacefully coexist with other dogs when going outside to pee, on a walk, at the vet, at the groomer. With the increasing number of vets that take the dog into the back, away from its owner, for simple procedures like shots and blood draws, your dog is going to need to be okay not being next to you for a whole 3 minutes. Not everyone likes dogs, so it’s imperative that your dog can walk by strangers without bothering them, especially if you have neighbors in the same building. While loose leash walking and distractions are perhaps the most easily discarded of all of these items, the #1 complaint I receive as a dog trainer from new clients is that their dog pulls on leash. The #2 complaint is that the dog is easily distracted by everything and thus “doesn’t listen”. That’s your 10 items on the CGC. If your dog cannot do those things with a combination of training and management techniques, then, yeah, your dog probably shouldn’t be in a rental and you should look into additional training. Additionally- dogs that bark constantly, especially at movement/sound from neighbors or due to seperation anxiety, get their owners evicted. That’s the hard truth. Dogs that are not properly housebroken get their owners evicted, or at the very least get their owners charged thousands of dollars for repairs when an angry landlord has to replace flooring or carpet or furniture. That’s why the dog owner pledge exists.

HOAs are much the same- barking dogs get neighbor complaints which then get you evicted or fined. Leaving a dog outside to bark in the yard is one of the biggest reasons animal control gets called on dog owners. A pesky neighborhood gardener has the right to work in peace- if your dog won’t stop barking, nothing is stopping you from bringing it inside or moving it away from the windows. I don’t know why we suddenly jump to taping the mouth shut or surgical debarking- unless the dog cannot be calmed once it starts, in which case a visit to the vet and a behaviorist (or trainer otherwise skilled in BAT) is in order to determine what combination of management techniques and medication is required for the dog to have its extreme anxiety or aggression calmed to a more reasonable point where it stops being unfair to the dog to exist in such a stressful mindset. The pledge does not say you can’t do that- and anyone working with a trainer to pass the CGC should be provided that option should they request it.

People don’t like it when dog owners let their dogs poop in their yards. Even if you clean it up, there’s still residue. It’s also pretty terrible for the environment to not pick it up in your own yard, as well as a public health and safety hazard if allowed to collect over a long amount of time or if there are multiple dogs. E.coli, salmonella, coccidia, giardia, and various parasites such as roundworm and tapeworm can and do spread to humans if on contaminated ground- a worry for children who may not know better than to put their hands in grass a dog has recently pooped on and, since there’s no visible trace of poop anymore, then puts their hands in their mouths. Distemper, parvo, and lepto spreads to dogs with weak immune systems that cannot be vaccinated, or puppies who have not completed their vaccinations yet. Rain water pushes these diseases out of a dog owner’s yard and into other ground as well as into rivers and other sources of drinking water. Making sure that your dog only uses certain areas to go to the bathroom, and then immediately doing your best to pick up after your dog is the only acceptable compromise. And people are very bad at even doing that- outside of my store, where there is a poop bag station every couple of feet, we still completely fill a trash bag full of poop weekly because people will not pick up after their dogs. That’s why the dog owner pledge exists. At least daily inside of my store, we discover a trail of feces and urine down an aisle from a dog owner that either wasn’t paying enough attention to their dog to see that it was doing that, or that didn’t care enough to clean it up, even with several easily accessible clean-up stations within the store. Sometimes it’s right at the clean-up station.

That’s why its phrased the way it is. Good citizen- or in Canada, good neighbor. It’s an attempt to curb bad human behaviors while also teaching dogs a very simple, easy-to-pass test. If the CGC or CGN isn’t your cuppa, there’s also others such as CLASS and SPOT and even various things from DMWYD. But all of them are similar in that they attempt to solve this problem as more people with more dogs becomes more widespread.

As for the rest- dogs that growl get dismissed from the test. This does not mean dogs-that-growl-ever. This means, dogs that growl during the test. It’s included because the AKC got tired of evaluators and judges and other dogs being attacked by dogs. Any aggressive behavior whatsoever displayed during the test is grounds for automatic dismissal in the vast majority of AKC events. This prevents the owner from attempting to “work through it” and invariably flooding the dog and getting someone bit. Instead, the dog is dismissed, and the owner is forwarded to someone who can find out why the dog is growling and how to make the dog more comfortable with whatever the problem was. Dogs that cannot hold their urine for the 30 minutes max each test takes, yes, get dismissed, because nobody likes a dog that pees all over everything. This includes dogs that submissive or excited pee, because the owner should be working with a vet and behaviorist on proper management solutions. Dogs are allowed to startle during distractions, as long as they do not attempt to flee, run, or bark. It even says the dog may look at the distraction with (mild) interest, as long as it is neither pulling towards the distraction nor running away from the distraction.

Once again, far be it from me to be the white knight of the CGC or even of the AKC, but this article is, frankly, mostly the same type of nonsense I always hate seeing from people who wish to make talking points about things they’ve never experienced and thus don’t have any idea what they’re talking about. Again, I am not saying this woman doesn’t know what dog training entails. Her credentials alone say otherwise. But I am saying that it’s very clear she’s never even attempted the CGC, nor attended a class of people attending the CGC. Again, in the FB group where she discusses her reasoning, she even says that while she understands people do go through the CGC with all forcefree training, her problem is that it allows people to not do that, and so it’s still unacceptable. So all training is required to be forcefree, written in the rules, or else there’s the potential that someone somewhere might do something to their dogs that she doesn’t like, and so it’s bad. That’s... ridiculous.

There’s also some things at the end about wanting legislature to require forcefree only training, about wanting all dog trainers to pass a certification that requires people to only use forcefree training, and some bits about people like me who occasionally use tools not allowed by +R methodology in certain circumstances being inhumane and unethical, but I won’t go into those more than my warning that I always have for things like this.

Always be careful about strong opinions formed by people who have never done or experienced or worked with the thing they have strong opinions about. Especially so when they are strong opinions that may become enforced by law. At that point, everyone loses.

#links

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