#and even then I cant relax because sometimes it's a trap

[brinnanza]

it has been so long since I've had to learn how to live with a new person (because I've lived with only Joe for ten years and now his partner lives with us) that my brain thinks I am 12 years old and tiptoeing around my parents so they don't yell at or hit me and that is an Extremely stressful way to live in your own house especially when you don't go out that often

[starzshopoflove]

Can I get ghost comfort for someone who doesn't eat because of anxiety?

omg i love this ask so much since i also have bad ass anxiety that beats on me till my meds kick in. Just gonna base this off my own kind behavior with food and eating since i have my own issues too so let me know if this is good or not!!

Notes: no warning, fluff, comfort no hurt, gn!reader

I feel like ghost wouldnt understand it at first and just think your skipping meals or not hungry. So he'd probably be a little pushy at first asking if you've had a snack or not when your together or he'll send you a text randomly in the day if you've eaten or not

But when he starts to notice how you clam up when he asks about it after the first few times he'll shut up and try to watch you a bit to see what's making you not eat. He'll start seeing how sometimes when you're on a date or just at the bookshop for lunch you might pick at your food but not really eat any of it, or how you might only eat some parts of your sandwich and leave the bread off it, sometimes you'll just not eat with him and just be there talking.

When he does finally ask you about it he tries really hard to approach it sensitively since your kinda like a skittish cat in a corner when he has asked before. So you'd be in his flat laying on his couch together and he's keeping you all warm with an arm around your waist rubbing some soothing circles so you stay relaxed while watching whatever show he let you pick.

"Dove"

"Mhm?"

"Do you not like gettin' lunch with me?"

You might freeze up on him and not talk for a moment mulling over if you really wanna tell him or not, you dont usually like talking about it. Whenever you have before people just started teetering around eating with you or acted like you had some sort of issue, treated you like you were just different.

"I like getting lunch with you Si, love getting to spend time with you"

"Yeah but you never eat anythin' with me"

You really wanted to dance around this topic some more but he just felt so warm and smelled so good you were already fused onto the couch at this point. You felt safe with him, like he wasn't going to judge you for trying to be honest with him. The way he let you slot yourself next to him tracing patterns on your skin made your blood a little warmer and your head a little fuzzy

So you finally let yourself spill out your issues hands playing with a strand of your hair that was in your face so you couldn't focus on if he was judging you or not trying not to stumble over your words

"Its not that i don't like eating with you Si, just sometimes when I'm out n I know people can see me eating makes me feel like I'm being watched and all i can think about is how loud im chewing or If i look weird when I'm eating. Then when i start thinking about it, ts' like there's a hole in my stomach and if i try to fill it, might just come right back up. But if I do make myself eat then i have to think about how full I feel n how i can feel the weight of the food in my stomach n once i start thinkin about that i start feelin sick again"

The whole time you let out you meek confession Simon was holding you a little closer loosening his grip so you didn't feel trapped, resting his chin on your head still keeping a warm hand around you to keep you relaxed. He let you speak without cutting you off even when you paused to try to figure out what you feel and put it into words he keep comforting you with his touch and softly nudging you to keep going

"Wish you didn't feel like you had to hide this from me luv, I care about you. Never want you to feel like you're stressin' yourself out for my sake, want you to feel safe with me and tell me when something's bothering you so i can help yeah?'"

Oh my god, whole time you feel like you could cry because he's cooing to you so sweetly and holding you so close not making you feel like you're weird or different from him just because you cant eat sometimes. You might sniffle a little which would make him worried but when he sees its just you getting a little emotional he'll calm down a little and place a kiss on your cheek murmuring about how much he cares and doesn't want you to force yourself to do something you don't like.

Feel like he'd still check to see that you atleast ate something through the day, and instead of doing dates at public places he might pick up some food and you'd eat at either one of yours's flat , sometimes at the park when he knows it wont be crowded either.

Just know he'd sometimes just pick up the fork and feed you when your looking at your food weird letting you know its alright but he'd never push if you resisting too much

__________________________________________

god i love writing soft ghost

[wind-becomes-lightning]

hiii nisiii c:

19. kissing their injuries + kakaobiyama

this reminded me of kissing top surgery scars. and well.. transkashi and transmato could use some kisses from their bito, right

hanna im sorry you had to wait so long for this as I was suprisingly busy this weekend?? and now its also kinda MEH! im sorry! I think when its tree people my brain just cant work that well, too many people to coordinate or idk what it is, I hope you find a little joy in this anyway. again sorry for the delay.

Kakashi dipped his finger in the ointment and carefully applied it to Obito’s face, making sure to rub it into the scars as carefully as possible. Obito watched his face while Kakashi was working, all concentrated on his work. He wanted to say something snarky, but all he could think of was: “Couldn’t Tenzo do that tonight? He is much faster.” 

The opposite man didn’t even move a muscle: “It was my turn.” Then he winked: “Also he might be faster, but I am more thorough.”

Obito bit his lower lip. That they were doing this ritual every evening might have meant that he would eventually get used to it, but the reality of the situation was that it made him uncomfortable each time, no matter how often he had done it.

Sometimes Obito’s scars would hurt. It was a rather odd phantom pain that brought him back to when he was trapped under the pile of rocks for hours, before the Uchiha ghost found him and patched him up. The doctor called it part of his PTSD, but also admitted that scars as deep as his, even after years, could still start hurting. He prescribed Obito a soothing salve that he could apply to his face in such situations.

And while he had obviously tried to figure this out on his own, deal with it without involving his partners, eventually both Kakashi and Tenzo had found out about it . Tenzo had been the one to suggest that he could apply the ointment for Obito, to make sure that all the scars were covered well. Obito had declined back then, but had been ushered to a chair anyway, held down by Kakashi’s arms while Tenzo touched his face. 

Maybe he would have gotten used to it quicker, if not for their ritual following right after the application of the treatment. Both men usually gave it a few minutes to set in, then they would leave light, fluttered kisses on the scars, forehead to shoulder in an effort to relax him, but the intimate gesture just made his nerves fly even more.

That was, he thought sometimes, also why they did it. Because it would fluster Obito and then the both of them liked teasing him, Kakashi more so than Tenzo, which is why Obito preferred the evenings where Tenzo was on scar-treatment-duty. Unfortunately there was no such luck today.

Kakashi set the little case with the salve down and leaned back to look over Obito’s face again. “I think I got it all,” he said with glee in his voice. “Now we just have to wait a little for it to set.” He preemptively put his hands on Obito’s knees so he couldn’t just get up and leave.

Obito was rumbling on the inside, growing tired of Kakashi’s grin of superiority as he just sat there waiting. Sure, Obito liked the kisses too, he just didn’t particularly enjoy not having the upper hand in any situation. And when Tenzo and Kakashi flustered him like that, they always had the upper hand instead.

Tired of looking at Kakashi’s smirk, he instead went on the offence. Kakashi didn’t see it coming at all so Obito could overwhelm him easily with a push of his arms against the other man's shoulders. “Today will be the other way around,” Obito said. “You get to be embarrassed for once.”

Kakashi fell with his back against the chair he had been sitting on, his arms pinned down so that he couldn’t move. He watched with wide open eyes as Obito leaned forward to kiss his eye scar, first above the eye and then below.

“That was sweet, thank you,” Kakashi sneered. “I don’t think it was much of the punishment that you think it was.”

“Just wait.”

Obito pushed Kakashi’s shirt up with one hand while holding him down with the other. Realising what Obito was about to do, Kakashi finally squirmed a little. Of course Obito knew that those were much more sensitive scars to him. He dove down and trailed both lines under Kakashi’s chest with his nose first, before then going back the entire round by kissing each little centimetre of it. Kakashi eventually stilled and Obito could stop holding him down as he made his way back to the other side of Kakashi’s body.

“Well, I guess that did it,” Tenzo said from the other side of the room where he had been reading. “Senpai is very red in his face now.”

Now with a grin of his own, Obito straightened himself back up, his eyes dangerously flickering towards Tenzo. “You are next,” Obito said with a joking growl.

Tenzo almost dropped his book so he could get up quicker, but Obito had already crossed the room to catch him by the wrist. “In the end you can make fun of me all you want,” Obito said, “But you are not different from me, we are all very flustered by intimacy.”

“Right, you made your point, it’s alright,” Tenzo waved with his hand. “We won’t joke about you anymore, so p-”

Suddenly Kakashi was there behind Tenzo, holding him by the shoulders just like he had Obito that first time they had helped him with the ointment treatment. “No way, you can't get out of this.”

And so, despite Tenzo’s assurances that he had learned his lesson, Obito fluttered kisses from his neck to his collarbones and then trailed the scars under his chest, chest just like he had done with Kakashi previously, savouring every little reaction that Tenzo would allow himself to be heard.

“This would probably be easier in the bedroom,” Kakashi said at some point and neither Obito or Tenzo disagreed.

[lexa-griffins]

What's the most amount of times that Lexa has cum on camera? What is her aftercare once the show ends?

Around 20sh orgasms in one session. Mostly because they were doing forced orgasm, so that immediately knocked out a few out of the way. After that point Lexa is fully in her subspace and wouldnt last long even by Clarke simply grazing her clit, poor girl can barely close her legs after it and she has to shake her head no to tell Clarke she really cant go again.

Aftercare when Lexa is this sore is first about making sure Lexa isn't hurting, so Clarke draws her a cold bath, lights the jasmine candle Lexa loves before picking her up gently and bringing her to the tub. At this point Lexa just wants cuddles but Clarke knows she'll be whining all night about being sore and how she cant close her legs so she wants her to stay in the bath for a bit, cleaning her with this very soft sponge Clarke spent good money on just for aftercare, praising Lexa for being so good and taking all Clarke gave her. After that is all about cuddles and Clarke sitting with Lexa agaisnt her chest, because whats aftercare without so titty pillow time, while Clarke rubs this lavender scented lotion on Lexa's skin because it always relaxes her, making sure Lexa keeps her legs apart even when she whines because her legs feel heavy and she wants to curl herself up. Soft whispered I love yous and you are amazing with their fingers locked, Clarke's hand trapped between Lexa's and her own chest, Lexa's soft breathing hitting her skin. Although Clarke knows Lexa sometimes just wants silence, especially if the session was overwhelming for her, sometimes she just wants to listen to Clarke's heartbeat and feel Clarke's hand on her hair and on her back. One of the things Clarke is proud of as a dom is just how safe Lexa always looks and feels in her arms, unless its a scene that needs much heavier aftercare and pillow talk, most sessions for them can just end with Clarke taking care of Lexa in a manner she would even outside of aftercare, and she just so proud of how Lexa trusts her fully not just during sex but in the aftermath too 🥰

[roughentumble]

ok so the premise goes like this

geralt puts some mushrooms in his stew one night, jaskier eats it, gets a horrible stomach ache, is up all night puking.

geralt didnt mean to, ofc, but he stays up all night caring for jaskier, and he's so soft and sweet and pliant and needy, he needs geralt, seeks out his love and affection, finds comfort in him. something about the mushrooms, when he vomits it smells sickly-sweet, and all night his skin is pale in the moonlight but his cheeks are flushed, his eyes are dewy, he-- he looks gorgeous.

it sortve breaks something, in geralt's brain, to be so thoroughly needed and comforting to someone so beautiful. it's... unforgivable, evil, to take advantage of jaskier like that, he knows it is. yet still, he files away what the mushroom looked like, what its side effects are, looks it up in books about herbology. too many stomach aches lead to ulcers, too much vomiting bad for the teeth and the throat, vomit too long and you get dehydrated-- but surely... just once or twice a year, well..... thats normal. that's a normal amount to be ill, perhaps.

he stays away from effects bad enough to induce vomiting. it's too extreme, too dangerous, and not the part he's looking for anyway. just enough to ache, enough to cause upset that needs to be soothed and rubbed away. for years, he keeps it up, one night each year. and jaskier curses himself, and his constitution, writhing in pain, but he bares his stomach to geralt willingly, and it nearly makes geralt dizzy, because jaskier TRUSTS him. geralt reaches a hand down, rubbing and soothing the cramped, aching muscles, and jaskier relaxes at his touch, looks at him and doesnt see a threat, sees a protector. and not just a protector, but a comfort. he gets a look in his eye, sometimes, that geralt cant identify. but then he curls a little closer, and geralt pets his hair in comfort, and his shoulders ease as the last bits of pain and tension melt away. geralt cant ask about it without revealing the game, so he doesnt.

eventually, he invites jaskier to kaer morhen, and moves over to the Event happening exclusively within castle walls. it's safest there, after all, and there's always a warm bed for jaskier to get cuddled in. jaskier's comfort in his discomfort is key. he doesnt have to worry about his fellow witchers finding out either, because jaskier blames his constitution at this point, and geralt (and therefore the other witchers) are able to eat the mushrooms with no ill effect. it seems perfect.

jaskier finds out, eventually. up in kaer morhen, safe for the season but also stuck, trapped together. (there hadnt been opportunities that year to subtly slip anything into the food when geralt was on cooking duty. they were coming up on spring, running out of time, so instead of just waiting, geralt decides to reheat some leftover soup in their room, in the fireplace, use the excuse of a midnight snack of sorts. jaskier sees him slipping in the mushrooms, and somehow, after all these years, recognizes it. it feels like there's a lead weight in geralt's stomach as jaskier puts the pieces together, eyes wide with rage and horror. "every year-- every year i get sick." he says, like everything suddenly makes sense-- probably because it does.) incandescent with fury, he demands to know why geralt would poison him. geralt isnt forthcoming with excuses, but when he's pushed he breaks down, says its inexcusable, says he knows what he did was bad(to say the least), but that he did it because jaskier needed him. he was beautiful and sweet and needed him. "i wanted to-- to hold you. to comfort you. in the sickest, most twisted way possible, i- i wanted to... i dont know... nurse you back to health."

jaskier's hands are shaking. "you-- you... what, wanted me to... to get better? be ill so you could fix me?" geralt shrugs. his eyes are trained on the floor. he's crossed so many lines he doesnt know where to even begin listing them, knows they'll part ways in the spring and never see each other again, is about to promise to stay as far away as he can while theyre trapped in the keep, when--

jaskier, after pacing back and forth endlessly, fury slowly melting away to some sort of grim resolve, sits down in front of the hearth, and pours himself a bowl. geralt shouts, to stop him, but jaskier tells him to shut up, and he does. jaskier starts the bowl, then finishes it. asks if another bowl would be safe, and geralt quietly responds that yes, its safe, he'll just be sore for longer, and he nods(apparently satisfied) and pours himself a half-bowl, finishes that too. geralt is too mystified to speak up for a long while, until he finally asks "you arent... mad?"

"oh i am." jaskier assures him. gets up, walks across the room, sets himself down in geralt's lap. but not sexy, exactly-- he sits sideways, curls his knees up to his chest to snuggle in close. "extremely mad. you're going to have to do a lot to make it up to me-- especially when im extra sore tomorrow... perhaps even help me with a bath." geralt sucks in a shocked breath, and jaskier nuzzles up under his chin.

"did i ever tell you much about my childhood?" geralt shakes his head, and jaskier starts playing with the material of his shirt. "my mother didnt really raise me. i was mostly handed off to a wet nurse. but i-- they werent... good at keeping help. high turnover rate. so i had more than one over the years, never really... got to get properly attached... and i-- i remember, when i was very little, i would get sick and i would want my mother-- i'd ask for my mother-- but she'd never come."

he sniffles a bit. clings to geralt's shirt. "you're going to have to do so much to make up for this. you're going to dote on me, and comfort me, and-- and--" his voice gets very small, and very sad, a frightened, trembling thing-- "and you wont leave me, will you?" he asks, and geralt makes a noise in the back of his throat, wraps his arms around jaskier and holds him tight, and jaskier relaxes in his grip.

"we're talking about this tomorrow. a very, very big, ongoing, gigantic conversation. but... but for now... well. we always have a fun night before the aching starts, so i want to spend my night how i normally do."

just to sate his own curiosity, he does eventually ask geralt about it, and geralt explains why only once a year, how he decided on dosing, what side effects he looks out for, explains about ulcers and throats and teeth. and jaskier sinks into his grip, inexplicably enamored with this odd, violating conversation. "wow, you really put a lot of thought into this, hmm? you know, there are some sick, twisted people out there who wouldnt have been able to resist. they wouldve made me sicker and sicker, never wouldve given a thought to any lasting consequences..." he's tracing little hearts on geralt's chest as he speaks.

"never," geralt says vehemently, "never. you have to get better, i would never permanently hurt you. i have to fix you, comfort you, not destroy you."

"my sweet geralt-- you know just how to care for me, dont you?" he says, and it practically makes geralt moan. jaskier smiles like the cat who caught the canary.

turns out theyre both fucked up in similar ways-- geralt needs to be needed, needs to be the source of someone's comfort, needs opportunities to be caring and gentle and attentive. and jaskier needs to be the center of attention, needs to be loved on, needs to be given comfort, needs someone to need. there's an element of control, too, sortve. geralt decides when it happens, how bad it is, and he tries hard not to abuse that now he's been given permission(though how much of an excuse is that, considering how the game started?). he fiddles with the recipe to see what works best, pays close attention to jaskier's schedule to make sure there are never conflicts. geralt's the one who makes him feel better, after all. you've got to trust your doctor. total trust

its weird, and fucked up, and once they agree on terms(jaskier insisted on negotiations that geralt agrees to instantly. terrified of losing jaskier, of paying in his eyes the ultimate price for his crimes. he was moments from sinking to his knees and pleading forgiveness when jaskier had prevented that by sinking into his lap.) jaskier gives himself over to it, never fights it, lets himself be forced into illness and bedrest, revels in geralt's big, gentle hands soothing his aches, love so sweet and reassuring and unconditional that eventually in his worst nightmares he finds he doesnt reach for his mother-- he reaches for geralt.

and when he admits this, he can see in geralt's eyes theres this wild, crazy spark, something about being that important. its heady

its maybe not Right, but they figure it out together

[roseswiththorns]

20

Twenty is an odd number in my opinion. I’ve gotten comments stating that I should start doing this and that with my life. Especially in my early 20′s. I was told to have fun, screw around, drink, party, do an occasional drug or two. If that’s what it means to live a life in the moment then screw that. I’m twenty years old and I already found something a whole lot of people don’t find until they are in their late twenties to thirties. True Love. I know it’s crazy to think, to really feel honestly but, who can question my feeling’s other than myself? I already shared so much of myself to one human being out of trust and a leap of faith. Honestly, I was done looking for love or anything real up until I met him. Meeting him nearly stopped my heart. I had felt so drained and dead that I didn’t feel as though I was capable of love or any short of human interaction. But here he shows up and nearly sends me into cardiac arrest. Life has a funny way of throwing you curve balls. Especially love. I didn’t expect him at all; I didn’t even see him coming from around the corner. Cupid really shot me in the ass with an arrow and boy did it sting like a bee. But I didn’t care. I nearly scared him off a few times; sometimes for good. I’m glad I didn’t. After meeting with him during busy hours I could never figure out how I was so drawn to him. I liked how I could fall asleep and not worry about a silly nightmare that taunts my mind. I liked how I could relax without feeling any discomfort or danger. Aren’t you suppose to feel that way when you meet the person you love? Sure, I was an awkward red head who was trapped inside her own bubble at first but once I really relaxed I was able to fully show who I was to him. Typically soulmates are people who cant live without the other which is true, that’s how I feel sitting here letting COVID invade and attack my lungs. Chiari is doing the same with my brain. Being a bully whenever it feels like it. Making it a constant struggle to get up in the mornings. I practically drag/force my body out of bed. I feel like a dead weight every morning. As if I have shackles attached to my wrists and ankles. Nobody understands that kind of frustration except myself and people born like me. But that’s one thing I hope to hide from him, my body and I going to war every time I wake up. Me laying there for a few extra minutes knowing if I stand to fast I’ll fall over with vertigo. I would hate for him to see me like that but... he has to because if not... I won’t be exposing myself to him will I? Love is all about trust. Not only trust; trust is just a branch of it, but many other things as well. By exposing my troubles, that shows him that I can come to him with anything. I can do the same with him as well. Besides it’s what I can do for a man like him. After all he’s the only person that got my heart beating again. Which means he’s the only person that can hold my heart dearly to his. I trust him with it. So if me falling in love at 20 is not normal then being normal is weird. <3

[yatiso]

today has been a bad day i just feel awful about everything

[introloves]

squirting on tsuki’s face pls 👉👈

AHHHH YES...

f! reader + face sitting + squirting + slight degredation + dom! tsukishima

you squirm against his hold, arms trapping you right where he wants you. his teeth sink into the fattest parts of your thighs as a warning.

“i told you. sit. on. my. face.” he snapped from underneath you as he tried pushing you down onto him.

your thighs shook from fighting him, you thought you’d hurt him from this position, but he wasn’t having any of it.

when he first brought it up, you were wary, and of course tsuki took it as a challenge.

“what? think i cant handle it?” he looked down at you, eyebrow quirked up.

you bristled at the comment, a heat prickling up your neck. you waved your hands in defense,

“n-no- i’m just worried.”

and that was that, he pulled you onto his bed and promptly rid you of your shorts.

that’s how he had you where you were, slowly sinking down onto his mouth, until you could feel the heat of his breath against your cunt.

he could see you clench from underneath him, soaking your pussy even more in the slickness he wanted.

“hold on to that.” he motioned to the headboard, and you being the good girl you were did as you were told.

feeling more confident, you once again continue the path down to his waiting mouth.

his nose bumped up against your clit and you jumped, tsukishima turned his head to once again bite at you, telling you in his own way to relax. he had you.

his arms came up to steel against you as you go limp, pulling you right down onto his waiting mouth.

his tongue finally lips a fat stripe up your cunt, you whine at the pleasure simmering in your tummy.

he pulls away for a second, smacking your ass to get your attention.

“you’re going to fuck your self on my face.” he comands, voice low.

you do nothing for a second, your brain struggling to catch up to his request.

his thumbs begin tracing small patterns onto your skin, his usual hard dom demeanor taking a back seat for a moment because he knows just how much your nerves seem to plague your mind sometimes. he sits there patiently while his words register in your mind.

with a nod, you finally begin rocking your hips.

you try to wade through the pleasure his tongue against you brings, doing nothing more than warble out his name, a high pitched keen over and over.

“f-fuck, fuck! kei-“

hes glad he’s not jerking himself while your hips undulate above him, your pussy so wet and slippery against his still tongue, because if he was, the way you yell his name would have brought him to an early end.

your pace is reaching a feverish one now as you chase your orgasm, the way he had you split open, hands gripping your ass and thighs and everywhere he could reach adds an edge to it all and you quickly realize youre going to squirt all over his face.

“i-i’m going to cum tsuki-“ you pant, squishing your eyes close as you grip his hair again- “i’m going to cum hard.”

and at that, tsukishima shakes his head back and forth, coaxing you to do it.

it’s all jumbled words in your head as you shoot forward, pitching at the sensitivity beacause its all too much too hot and suddenly you’re gushing.

he thinks its the hottest thing ever as he does nothing but sits there and takes it, its running down the sides of his face, all so dirty and desperate and he loves it.

he finally lets you go after laving up your clit, sparking the over sensitive bucks of your hips to hit full force.

you crumble as you clamber off, panting.

“good. you did good.” he mumbles, starring you down, face wet with you.

you look at him in mortification at the state you left him, blonde hair sticking every which way, face flushed and eyes hard as he pins you down with his gaze.

“youre so fucking messy, its so good.” he groans, grabbing you once again, “i’m going to fuck your messy cunt now, i deserve it after letting you do that.” he growls and you all but cry.

[gremlin-writes-angst]

Touch-starved

Levi Ackerman x GN!reader

This is pretty self-indulgent, Its a Levi x touch-starved reader. Modern AU. Hurt to comfort.

1.8k words

Trigger warning: None, there are no spoilers

Let me know if I missed a trigger or if you spot any spelling mistakes.

Feedback is encouraged  

Click here if you want to see more of my work and follow me for more!

Before you started dating Levi, everyone you knew, including himself warned you. They told you that a relationship with him wouldn't be normal, that it wouldn't fulfill your relationship needs. But you loved him and even though he wasn’t very affectionate you knew that he loved you too. Thought that wasn't clear right now. Currently, you were at the wedding of one of your friends, it was nice, too nice. It made you realize how much different your and Levi's relationships were. The biggest difference was how many other people in relationships touch each other. Before you met Levi you thought you could never be in a relationship without touching, but then you fell for him and learned that he was uncomfortable with touch. Which you respected, but sometimes you wished that you could have a reassuring handhold or a thank you kiss on the cheek, it didn't have to be PDA, just in private. Though you don't want to break your boyfriend’s boundaries. Your feelings only worsen every time someone starts hitting their glasses with silverware, trying to get the new couple to kiss, which they did, it made you jealous. Using this jealousy as the fuel you move your hand from the cup you were holding to Levi’s leg, reassuringly. Though it was quickly shoved off and hanging by the side of your body, you didn't have the motivation to move it. You repeat to yourself that he loves you, you try and remember the sweet moments in your relationship but none are coming up. You never ignited to yourself but you were touch starved, even before meeting Levi. You don't know how long you sat there, your body limp, your brain is overthinking. Half of your brain is trying to convince you that he does love you, while the other half was telling you that you deserved more from him. You were broken from your limp body and crazy thoughts from the clinking of glass and silverware and then cheering after the couple’s kiss. You watched as they kiss and hold on to another’s hand while sitting down, it hurt, you felt hatred inside you. You abruptly stood up and walked toward the doors, you couldn't leave, but you could at least get some fresh air. That was your plan anyway, but as soon as you got outside and out of sight of everyone, you broke down,  it just so much. You had the boyfriend but you didn't have the kisses, hand-holding, cuddles that you thought were a part of a relationship. For god’s sake, your love language was physical touch you should have known that a relationship with Levi would fail. 

"What's wrong brat?"

Levi turned the corner, and though his words were rude his voice was softer than normal. You breathed in trying to calm and hide your breakdown but Levi was pretty good at seeing through you. He ruffled your hair, that’s right he does give physical affection but pat or ruffling off your hair was the most, and he did that to everyone, it wasn’t the special relationship touches you wanted, you weren’t special. Your boyfriend slid down to the ground with you

“Why are you out here, sitting on the dirty ground?” 

As much as you hated the absence of physical touch in your relationship, you couldn’t tell him that, he had his boundaries and you’re supposed to respect that, so you held off on telling him.

“I don’t know I just wanted some air.”

You lied, and he saw through it.

“Why did you want fresh air?”

You were really tiring to hold back your thoughts and opinions of his boundaries but it had been building up for the past six months, and so it all came spilling out.

“Because I feel unloved. I mean I know you love me but you never physically express it. I feel like your repulsed by the idea of me and my body, I can’t even hold your hand. You just shove me away, and I just feel disgusting a guilty for even trying because I know you have boundaries and that I was warned that this would happen but I thought that I could handle it, but I can’t. I’m touch starved and the one person I feel comfortable enough to help me, to cuddle me, to love me, doesn’t want to, or they cant. And it makes me feel so guilty for feeling that way, and that just adds to the terrible feeling inside. I don’t think I can deal with it anymore, I thought that my love for you would fill that hole, the one missing physical touch, but the love just made it worse because I love you too much to break your boundaries. And-and, I think it would be better for my heart if we stopped. If if we we stopped our relationship.”

You were so emotional that you were stuttering some words, the tears that you stopped when Levi showed up had come back even worse. Sometime during your speech you stood up, Levi stayed on the ground leaning against the building, and at the end of your declaration, you speed-walked into the building and the restroom. You whipped your tears as well as you could. Walking out of the restroom you headed to the bar, you didn’t know what you were gonna order, you just knew you were going to need it. You reached the bar and tried to stutter out an order but you couldn’t name a drink and the bartender moved onto someone else. Dissociated you walked back to your seat, and once again the sound that backend the couple to kiss was being made. You sat in your chair dissociating for a while, the only thing you processed was the sound of silverware tapping glass that happened every so often, and that the chair next to you was still empty. He probably took the offer to leave you and this relationship, and even though you encouraged it, you still weren’t ready for it. You rested your elbows on the table and then your head in your hands. You started to cry again for so many reasons, realizing that you lost the few head pats and hair ruffling he would give you, realizing that you would probably be more touch starved now. Suddenly there was a weight on your back, and arms wrapped around your neck loosely like a hug. You didn’t have the energy to shove off whoever was responsible so you tried your best with words, feeling more anger than sadness all of the sudden.

“Whoever is touching me, stop.” 

The arms and weight stayed, and that small bit of anger changed back to sadness

“Just please, I can’t right now, please sto-”

Before you could finish your plea the person behind you spoke up

“It’s me”

Levi, his voice was softer than you ever heard, and you weren’t sure if you could believe it, both because of the voice and the hug he was giving you.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to lose you, can we talk outside?”

You nodded your head, then you felt him remove himself from you, you stood up and to your surprise, he grabbed your hand, you couldn’t tell if he was holding you in a possessive way, a caring way, or a loving way. What you did know was that it was tight and desperate. When you reached outside, your hand was still in his, his other hand was trapping you between him and the wall.

“I think you miss understand my boundaries, along with how much you matter to me.”

You still weren’t sure if he was just finalizing the break-up or trying to stop it from happening, you stayed silent to find out.

“I don’t like being touched, I don’t have a reason it just how I’ve been for a while, but I’m okay with touching others, it gives me control, the ability to stop if I’m uncomfortable without having to ask, if you want more physical contact I don’t mind giving you what you need, just let me be in control.”

It made some senses, but you wondered why he hadn’t been affectionate with you before if that was the case, so you question him

“Why haven’t you then, why haven’t you touched me, or held my hand.”

“ I wasn’t ready, and when I was I was, honestly scared.”

“Why?”

“As I said, I don’t know, I never really understand my emotions or where they come from. But I’m not scared now, I want to make you happy, I don’t want to be selfish anymore.”

You let out a breath that you were holding, finally allowing yourself to relax.

“ I don’t think you were selfish, and I’m sorry that I pushed you this far, and I don’t want to break up, I just wanted the pain to stop.”

Levi removed his hand from the wall and moved it behind your back pulling you into him.

“I am selfish but you need to stand up for yourself more, brat.” 

It was relieving to hear him call you that, it was like his way of saying that he loved you, that he would stay with you. It was his way of saying that he would be with you even if it was hard and that all you needed. 

A few weeks later and you can’t even remember what being touched starved felt like. You didn’t expect Levi to be so clingy, he’s almost always touching you.  At night he’s your big spoon, when he’s working he makes you sit on his lap, in public he either holds your hand or wraps his arm around your back or shoulder. There have been multiple occasions where he’ll whine, or as close as he can get to whining, for you to sit on his lap while he works

“Come here.”

“Baby I’m just as busy as you.”

“And, I said to come here, we can share the desk if you need to, just come here.”

You walk into his office just bringing him a cup of tea, but he pulls you into his lap before you can leave or protest.

“Thank you for the tea.”

“Are you going to let me go?”

“Of course not, you should know that by now.”

“Your right, I love you”

“ I love you too brat”

Of course, there are moments when you feel the need for his comforting touch but he feels uncomfortable, so you two compromised. Whenever this happens, he’ll allow you to play with the buttons on his shirt cuff, or put your hand in his jacket pocket. He feels guilty that he cant always give you the support you want, but you make sure to ensure him that he’s been doing more than enough.

[silverechosandblankmasks]

Platonic Polyam Bench Trio Marriage AU

You guys asked, so here I am to deliver! Platonic Polyam Bench Trio marriage au where Tommy marries into Tubbo’s and Ranboo’s platonic marriage. (focus on Tommy lol)

NOTE; These are about the c!characters and not the irl people, and I'm writing this like a poly queerplatonic relationship okay? None of this is intended to be romantic or anything else and anything that is in this list is PLATONIC INTENTIONS ONLY

Edit; Now called the Bench Husbands Au

-It kinda all kicks off when about a week or so after Tommy gets out of Prison. (Note, nothing after the first stream after Tommy gets out is canon in this au, as well as some things before)

-Tubbo and Tommy finally have a small fight and argument, before talking, like really talking and Tubbo invite Tommy to come live with them in the mansion in snowchester once its done.

-Tommy doesn't really want to... but he’s tired and lonely and still scared to death and Tubbo promises he’s safe with them, plus if they lived together they could plan on how to kill Dream easier as well.

-Ranboo doesn't mind but after that he tries to go talk to tommy more, but Tommy isnt... the most receptive? Tommy is suffering still and is feeling very replaced and lonely, but doesn't excuse his kinda snippy behavior with Ranboo

-This finally comes to ahead when Ranboo snaps and calls him out, leading to another small fight, before Tommy apologizes and they also talk. This one is more in depth though and Tommy talks about what happened in exile, in the prison, and just general shitty stuff that's being going on. 

-Ranboo, in turn, talks to him about the voices and Dream’s voice and the sleepwalking and Tommy is very much more concerned about them then anyone else he told was, and validates the fear about it, and resolves to help Ranboo get rid of it somehow.

-After this, and both trying to convince the other they should tell Tubbo, that they both probably need to tell Tubbo. They want to keep him safe and not worry him, but... they both need help in different ways and they both love him enough to not do that to him.

-The night ends with lots of tears, Tubbo admitting his own traumas and tears and what he’s been not saying, and a promise to help each other.

-Its not a while after that actually Ranboo brings up the idea of adding Tommy to their marriage. He can tell the blond is struggling with feeling replaced and low-self esteem, and it would help him feel more equal and loved maybe? Tubbo thinks its a great idea and they go to ask Tommy.

-Tommy’s pretty uppity at first, he believes its just them pitying him and treating him like glass again, which he hates more then anything, but after they calm him down and explain they just want him to feel equal and that they both actually cared for him and wanted him to join in on their thing, he’s more contemplative. Ranboo nervously throws in a few other points, like how for legal reasons it could benefit him like it was for them, their allies had to leave him alone, plus Tubbo only started making his own hotel becuase he wanted Tommy to start interacting with him again, and-

-At this point Tommy just, interrupts and says yes, surprising them. They didn't exactly think he’d say no, but they thought it would be harder then that. He laughs at their expressions and says why not? Plus it stood to reason they’d want Tommy, everyone wanted Tommy.

-Ranboo and Tubbo exchange a look before bullying their now platonic fiancée. They agree to get married as soon as the Mansion is done, and till then Tommy can finish packing his stuff and a few other things he wanted to do.

-Also Tommy is totally not avoiding Michael because every pet he ever got close to has died and he doesn't want to get attached and risk Tubbo and Ranboo losing something they cared about because of him, no siree, why wouldn't you think that?

-Speaking of Michael!

-Its not all that strange to keep undead mobs like Zombie piglins as pets, in fact Zombie Piglins are the probably better undead mob to keep around due to their mostly passiveness if you want a pet and the fact they don't need much to eat and wont really be harmed if out leave them alone for long periods of time

-Though Tommy kinda thinks Tubbo and Ranboo’s insist on treating him like their child is weird, but he’s willing to let them have it, clearly it made them happy to play around

-Isn't until he finally moves in that he realizes that Michael is different then other zombie piglins and finds himself being pulled into the parent dynamic as well

-Though now that he thinks about it, something about Michael seems off… welp it's probably nothing :)

-When the mansion is done, he tears down the dirt shack and makes it a community garden and it becomes one of the only things that stays free of the red vines (who knew watering it with water from the holy land would make it untouchable? It's thanks to this garden later others figure out how to defeat the egg)

-They elect to not have a ceremony, not now at least but Tommy actually thinks a small wedding party would be fun at a later date. Ranboo doesn't mind much if they have one or not but Tubbo is actually very excited about planning it.

-Tommy wears his ring on a necklace most of the time, but occasionally wears it on his fingers, usually when he needs something to fiddle with.

-Ranboo wears his on his tail (the area right before to fluffy part) normally but also wears it on his finger sometimes when he feels like it. (If your version has horns, he also does that too) it just really depends on what he’s feeling and if he’s forgotten where he put it. He also like, never takes it off unless to move it around because he’s afraid to lose it.

-Tubbo wears his as an actual ring on his finger (though if he has horns, sometimes he puts it on one of em if he needs the ring to be off his hand.) Tubbo learned the hard way when building nukes or other machinery (since, if you can believe it, his husbands aren’t that comfortable with the nukes as he is) you can't wield or do high heat stuff while wearing metal and nearly lost his finger. He’s very lucky and he has a small scar from it.

-Each of them have their own rooms so they can have their own space and somewhere to go if they want time to themselves/store their stuff in, but there is a 4th room (directly across from Michaels) where they share and tend to curl up to sleep together. About 5 out of 7 days of the week, some combo of them are cuddling together at night, more if they're having a bad day or nightmares.

-There's multiple bathrooms in the mansion but there's one they all like the best and will fight over it/race to get into it first before the others and the other two will stalk off salty to use a different one

-They're all pretty tactile people but out of them, Tommy is the most tactile (once the fear of being hurt recess he practically attaches himself to the others) and Ranboo is the least (he won't seek out comfort and touch as much as the others unless he needs it, but is the best at telling when the other two need touch or need to be left alone) and Tubbo is in the middle of that.

-Tommy is the one that cooks most of the time, Ranboo is banned from it after The Incident and while Tubbo is okay at cooking, Tommy just knows more recipes and how to make things taste really good.

-Tommy picked up sewing from when he was a kid, even before he was found by Wilbur and adopted by Phil, it was useful to be able to patch the rags he called clothes, and just ended up continuing because his brothers and dad sucked at sewing. It then morphed into full tailoring because he found it relaxing and liked being able to make his own clothes. He can and will be insulted if anyone wears anything he deems ‘ugly’, especially his new husbands. He makes them clothes all the time, specially Michael.

-In fact he also cleans the most, he just gets bored and while he makes a mess, if the house gets to a certain point he gets really uncomfortable and overstimulated, so he cleans.

-DomesticInnit? In my au? More likely then you think!

-Gradually the whole ‘watching the prison’ and ‘planning to kill Dream’ starts to fade as he gets back into the groove of living again and therapy. He’s just… tired of Dream having a hold on everything Tommy does, he’s sick of it. So… he just tries to live these days one step at a time. (Healing arc baby! Dream can die mad UwU)

-Tommy dragged them both to Therapy with him after a while.

-Because of this he finds himself home a lot with Michael, especially if the other two are busy. They’ve pretty much decided that someone has to be home with Michael at all times, which is now 100% more doable with the 3 of them, and Puffy or Foolish babysit if there’s ever time they can't.

-Tommy is a lot less of a hovering helicopter parent then the others and was the one to finally convince them Michael cant live trapped in a room. Yes, they were all worried for his safety but… you can't raise a kid in a cell, even if it's a nice one. Tommy takes Michael out more

-Tommy started to sleep walking again once they moved in and he still gravitates towards water for some reason. Nothing more startling then waking up because you plunged into frigid below 0 temp water while sleepwalking. Ranboo also enderwalks/sleepwalks more as well and there've been some nights where Tubbo has had to track them both sleepily walking around and make sure they don't hurt themselves or drown or something. At least Ranboo is semi-aware when enderwalking and normally just does weird ender things, Tommy likes to apparently walk into oceans or climb the mansion and nearly fall off and wander hundreds of blocks away. Tubbo’s not salty at all, really.

-Sapnap, Quackity, and Karl are 100% salty the benchtrio got platonically married before they got married

-They fight about last names all the time despite none of them actally taking eachothers last name, and if they happen to pick and choose on which one they’re feeling based on mood, well they can do what they want!

-However its agreed Michael’s last name is hyphenated so he’s now ‘Michael Beloved-Underscore-Innit’

These are all I have for now, feel free to ask about it or use my ideas! <3

[siriusmydeer]

can you please do headcanons for young sirius black x reader fic where reader has really bad anixety attacks where sometimes she feels nauseous

breathe with me

sirius black x gender neutral!reader

summary: sirius helps you through an anxiety attack.

word count: 1.7k

warnings: MENTIONS OF VOMITING!!, mentions of gagging, anxiety/anxiety attack, over stress, mentions of digging nails into your palms (borderline indications), mentions of failing school/exams, migraines, mentions of pain killers, mentions of feeling gross, possible insecurity, sirius comforting reader

a/n: so i turned this into a fic rather than hc’s because i felt like i could portray it better through a fic. also dedicated to isa ( @acosmis-t ) my love bc i cant write so thank u baby for helping me !

“Argh.” You piercingly groaned with a hand lowered to your febrile forehead, a feverish burn arising to the skin. The day had steadily been cut close to the final bell. Your Transfiguration exam had finally been completed and not without weary, of course. The prior nights you had been found asleep with drool pooling down your tear-tainted cheek and your talons promptly sunken into your palms as a desperate endeavour to relieve your stress. (Although it had not been the best choice, and at some points rather painful)

The piling books glared fiercely at you in the library till Madam Pince undoubtedly had to beckon you away, so you could sufficiently rest. Indeed then, your unconscious mind was piled in dreadful dreams (More-so nightmares) regarding critical failure and your pleaded requests to Mcgonagall, so you could re-attempt your failed exams. 

Your polished nails had been essentially glued to your pearly teeth, chomping at the rarebit till there was nothing left to bite. The strums of your heart steadily increased as the last final students had cautiously worked on their assessments. You had patiently waited, subtly noticing your brawny throat becoming excessively dry as well as well as your diaphragm contracting by the minor second, an indistinguishable bile substance threatening to overtake the taste buds on your parched tongue.

A small, minuscule tap in the nape of your skull had increased to small needles swimming around your brain while the time ticked. 

Sirius had been sitting in Charms flipping away at ‘Quidditch Through the Ages’ anxiously as he had to withhold himself from darting nervously out of his class and inquire how you were feeling with a knowing sense of how the rest of the day would take place. He had been made quite aware of your particular issue in the Third Year when you had disgorged your lunch, Shepherd's Pie that you had previously eaten had been hurled onto his Oxford’s his noble family spent a pretty penny to purchase. 

At McGonagall's constructive dismissal, you had collected your materials and begun to walk cautiously through the corridors with your books clutched eagerly to your chest. 

A slight increase in your breaths began to inflate your lungs and the steadily increasing heart strums became an overwhelming palpitation deafening your ears. Your heart had battered in your chest; nearing closer, and closer to your dormitory. Your hands had begun to develop a slight tremor at the anxious vibrations poisoning your blood, whilst your vision began to mildly obscure. You needed a moment to recollect yourself, a minute to breathe.

You had murmured a small, ‘Fairy Lights’ to the portrait before trudging up the stairs and colliding into the dormitory. The hinges had creaked whilst you abruptly had shut the door, luckily nobody was present to allegedly witness your exertion. Your bedroom had frequently remained tidy, a typical symptom of your anxiety that had obsessively pursued you to attempt your very hardest, even better than your very hardest, at everything and anything. 

You had stood center in your room venturing for the hostile seizing in your bones to cease for at least a moment. Your chest had felt tight, like a tensed muscle that had been pulled after an unusually hard sport.

You had walked toward your window and back Window, and back. Window, and back. Again, Again and Again.

Your nails are placed between the mild edges of your teeth. The cavern of your mouth almost feeling obstructed by the bile mingling around with your parched throat. At the incessant pacing of your feet, there had been a remaining thud in your thick skull adding to your misery. 

The small gust of wind was the singular audible sound in the dormitory as one of your dorm mates had abandoned it open. Your brain had felt like it swelled beyond generating capacity now your mild dehydration was too obvious to ignore like you had planned to do. You had deliberated with your eyes closed and your face contorted into a frown, you would’ve had to trudge to the kitchens for a possible amount of comfort in your state. You had groaned again, your hand promptly placed over your face, as you traipsed across the room, attempting to comfort yourself, in a sense.

Perhaps some painkillers spewed on the bathroom counter that you had previously taken before your exam could help you. Your neck had begun to sear in heat the hair that was almost clung to your nape, you raised your heavy eyelids halfway only for them to fall shut a twinging pain beginning to naturally arise behind your optics. You huffed with a minuscule gag, too much effort it would take to stroll around the school in the huffing state you were currently in, a migraine still revelling in your mind. Maybe later, you thought with a creased brow. You had heard the hinges creak again, incorrectly assuming one of your dorm mates had been back. Except your dorm mates didn’t possess the baritone of a burly male.

“Y/n” He whispered tenderly, attempting not to disturb your pacing.  

“Not now.”

He had partaken notice to your mindful scratches against your neck, continuously pulling up the hair only for it to fall once more. You had paused for a moment with a tremor in your finger that was trapped between your teeth. A familiar distortion of torture wrapping around your throat like a snake that was threatening to suffocate you; your respires heavier and more frequent. He had begun speaking, a blubber of words escaping his trachea. Yet, all jumbled like alphabet soup in your brain between his dismembered sentences. 

You suspired heavily in frustration, “Just— Shut up! Please.” You begged in exasperation. Still prying your hair from your neck, you stood frozen, discontentment building in your system.

He had noticed the black hair tie absentmindedly clung to his wrist whenever you had asked for one. Steadily walking towards your paused figure he had gathered your hair in the tie, your neck feeling the refreshing air against it; a slight relief applied against your skin. You promptly initiated to remove your robe, there was a warm discerning grip on your body overheating your arms as well as your midriff due to the uniform.

With a violent tremor in your fingers, you started grasping at the buttons, a mild frustration initiating at the fact you couldn’t pop them open due to the recurrent quiver in your digits. Sirius had removed your hands from your robe, hastily unbuttoning it before you hurled it aside. 

“How 'bout we go to the bathroom, Hmm?” He cooed while beckoning you into the bathroom, noticing the tremor in your body as well as your fidgeting fingers that were twiddling between each other. He had turned the sink on, switching the handle left where a blue spot differentiated the colours. Delicately, he grasped your trembling wrists and ran them beneath the cooling water. “Just… Feel gross.”You murmured to yourself as he ran a few fingers under the downpour, placing his frigid fingers behind your neck. 

Your shoulders faintly shrugged at the sensation while he turned off the water and let your hands air dry, helping you not feel solidified by anything. During his movement, you had grasped onto his fingers where a few heirloom rings had fit snugly on his fingers, “Tell me about them.” This was a technique he had created in an effort of distraction at the uprising feelings of disgust for yourself bound to erupt at any moment. 

“There’s a B, I guess. Erm, engraving, swirls and stuff…” You trailed off while attempting to decipher the designs in the ring that was on his forefinger.“S’too much! Just wanna— Dunno, not feel like this anymore!”

He had partaken scrutiny to your physical tics as well as your body language, with a faint clutch on two of your fingers he had hauled you to the very center of your dormitory. Within a few inches of each other, he had mauled your hand over his sternum. You felt the heavy respires in his chest as well as the vibrations melding with your palm as he spoke, “Breathe with me.” 

You had stood there, minutes, maybe almost an hour, time was now pushed to the very nooks and crannies of your mind. The surges of perturbation still prominently surging through your veins to the density of your bones, the recurrent tremble still foremost notable but the buckling of your knees had calmed down as well as the faint chatter of your teeth. Still copying his sluggish breathing, you looked deep into his pear irises, his optics having a settling effect, a tingling reassurance reflecting in them. In the sunlight state that had remained in your room due to the unclosed curtains, there had been cerulean hues caught in that state.

Sirius’ eyes had been crafted like delicate feathers that were used for quills, not the albino kind of dove feathers, but the ones with a hue so softly grey that they could have been pencil-drawn rather than used by a quill with smeared stygian ink. They had that look of birds flying on sunlit days, the shine and quick movement, yet relaxed, purposeful, at ease.

“Can we sit?” You questioned quietly after removing your hand from his chest, hesitantly grabbing onto two of his fingers as he had previously done with you. “Anything you want.” He replied in a murmur, craning his head left, then right, trying to figure out where to beckon you into a seated position.

You had sat upon the wooden floor. The flooring designs similar to a chorus of browns; they sang together, an acapella of baritone hues that rose into vibrant soprano notes. It was a fitting place for a dormitory where laughter could normally be discerned, a place for those new sounds to soak right in and join the spirit that was already there when you had first entered the dormitory your first year.

“Here?”

“Mhm.” You nodded your head scarcely as he sat next to you. You sighed for a moment, placing a minimal amount of your temple against his shoulder, feeling the similar respires soothe you. “Here.”

taglist: @fific7 @wisedreamcatcher @kittykylax @ronbrokemyheart @aspiringsloth20 @georgeswh0re @amourtentiaa @msmb @fangouria @five-cups-of-coffee @dracofknmalfoy @emmaev @serenitywilderness @i-love-scott-mccall @artemis1orion @miss-starkov @siriusbarnesslut @inglourious-imagines @iamninaanna @livvysnaps @famdomhideout @hufflepogue @kirascottage @luvvninaz @miraclesoflove @black-like-my-soul @slytherclawbitch @90steaology

[warrior-angel]

Till Death Do us Apart

Author: @warrior-angel

Word Count: 6155

Summary: when you and your brother both get infected by the flare you go down an emotional rollercoaster only for it to end totally diffrent than you had originaly planned it al to go.

Warnings: major character death, blood, angst,

Note: this was realy hard to write for me but i'm very proud of it so i hope you guys like it

This is a one shot writen for Tomuary by @writingsbychlo

you knew you were a walking time bomb and that you probably didn't have long anymore every day could be your last you just hoped you would make it long enough to see your friend being saved.

The flare, a stuppid virus that made you go completely insane, you've kept your sanity in all those years in the Maze and now that you were finally free you wouldn't live to see the beauty of it. Here you were leaning on the table listing to Thomas and Gally picking a fight over what to do next you had to save Minho from WICKED but every idea was turned down it being to risky and now that there was a real option to extualy get the job done Thomas was refusing to do it and you were just trying to keep your mind from not completely losing it over this endless ‘i don't trust you even though it could save our lives thing’ you loved Thomas that's the hole reason you were together but sometimes he could be so stubborn and right now, right now he was being a pain in the ass because the plan Gally had to save Minho included Teresa “No there's gotta be another way” Thomas kept saying while everybody disagreed knowing we didn't have much choice or resources to do anything else “like what? you’ve seen the building she’s our only way in'' Gally tells him again but he still doesn't listen. “If we do get in you think she’s going to help us?” Thomas ask him and Gally shakes his head “I don't Plan on asking for her permission” i crack a little smile knowing nobody at the table really liked teresa in the first place and Brenda only conformers that when she's speaking up “Am i missing something here this is the same girl that betrayed us correct? same Dick”

Thomas starts to nervously pace around and nobody understands his problem. You loved Teresa like a sister but after her betrayal a lot changed even for you “what's going on?” Brenda asks him and you look over at Newt you knew your brother and you knew that look on his face because you've had it yourself and you've seen it on him before he was angry and he was going to lose it any second now “your afraid your little girlfriend is going to get hurt?” Newt snaps and all eyes go to him “this has obviously never been just about rescuing Minho is it''

Thomas looks taking back by his sudden outburst and so does everybody else but i couldn't disagree “he’s got a point Tommy” you tell him and the brown haired boy looks up at you even more shocked that your agreeing with Newt “what are you talking about” but before you can do or say anything Newt stands up straight in front of him “Teresa, she's the only reason Minho is even missing in the first place and now we finally have an opportunity to get him back and what you don’t want to because of her? because deep down inside you care more about her than for y/n don't you, just admit it”

Thomas turns his gaze over to you over Newt his shoulder and you know Your brother hit an emotional string there. from day one you were Teresa her competition and you knew how thomas felt about her but he chose you over her and that meant the world to you but this part of you that was Sick and infected was telling you that the minute you would be gone he would run to Teresa “Newt i” Thomas starts but All Newt does is move closer pushing Thomas against the wall “Don’t lie to me!”

“Newt calm down!” You yell getting closer but your brother doesn't move “Don’t lie to me” he tells Thomas again “Newt Get the off of him!” You say using every ounce of strength to pull him away from Thomas. As soon as he backs away he looks a bit shocked at his own actions looking between you and your friends mumbling a quick apology before turning towards Thomas and apologizing again. the minute he steps to the side wanting to walk away, wanting to leave the room you notice him grabbing onto his arm and you immediately fear the worst cause you've had the same outbursts and the same burning sensation in your arm right after you had an outburst like that. “y/n, i'' Thomas says towards you and you shake your head not wanting to talk about it “it’s fine, he just need to cool down”

“That's not what i mean” and you nod “i know”

you stand on your toe’s giving him a quick kiss on his cheek and giving him a reassuring smile “i’ll go check on Newt i’m probably the only one he’ll talk to you guys find a way to get Minho back”

Opening the door to the roof you can see Newt sitting on the edge of the building and you take a few steps closer trying to calm yourself down already knowing the truth about what just happened what had caused his outburst but still a part of you hoped it was just the tension and the time spend so close togheter that caused it instead of a stupid virus. Looking over his shoulder newt spots you standing behind him and you take a few steps closer “sorry bout that back there” he tells you but you don't say anything you just sit down beside him and look at his arm and seeing the twitching in his fingers and it looks all too familiar to you “Why didn't you tell me?” you ask him and he looks over at you but you just look at his arm and he Rolls up his sleeve Revealing multiple black and purple veins on his lower arm “you could’ve told me” you tell him but you knew your brother, you were the same you didnt wanna spend your last few weeks or even days saying goodbye to the people you loved

“I didn't think it would make any difference” he was right knowing it didn't change a thing it only made saying goodbye so much harder because you didn't know when you had to do it “All i know is that WICKED must off put us in that Maze for a reason, maybe it was literally just so they could tell the difference between the immunes like you and people like me” that only made it hurt more because he didn't know, he didn't know you were not Immune “people like us” you tell him and he looks confused. taking a deep breath you lift your leg up a little and move away to Fabric covering your ankle to show Newt the bite mark and torn skin that was covered in black and purple veins “it was that Crank that Fry shot when we were in the tunnel right before Brenda and Jorge saved us, his aim was good only a little bit to late” you explain

it stays silent between the two of you for a minute letting it sink it that you were going to lose each other to lose everybody you loved “Thomas?” He asks and you shake your head “he doesn't know, and he cant i'm not spending my last days saying goodby to him he needs to focus on Saving Minho”

“So what's your plan? You just wanna run off, leave us all behind and die on your own?” Newt asks in a harsh tone “No, i’m sticking to the plan and that's saving Minho”

“What you gonna do after that” and you swallow the lump in your throat “There won't be an after cause i’m not planning on surviving it and that's exactly why he doesn't know”

“who doesn't know?” a familiar voice says behind the two of you you both look back to see The brown haired boy and you turn your gaze to Newt pleading for him to stay quiet and he nods looking back to this arm “i guess i can't hide this anymore'' he tells Thomas rolling his sleeve up again “Newt we can still fix this” thomas tells him and you look between both boys being trapped in the triangle of losing not only yourself but also your brother and the boy you love

That night you all decide to go through with the plan, get Teresa, make her take out the chips in your necks and break into WICKED to get out Minho and that's exactly how things went. having Teresa back was weird to say the least nobody trusted her but right now she was sitting behind you with a small knife against your neck to cut out the chip you didn't really have a choice “try to relax this is going to sting” she tells you and shrug it off wanting to get it over with “just do it”

a sharp pinch follows within a few second you grab the chair tightly out of reflex and you put your feet flat on the Floor trying not to move but moving your leg past the Chair the zipper on your Jeans opens showing her the black veins beneath it “your leg” she says and you pull back leaning down the close the zipper and pull the fabric over your ankle down “What happened?” She asks but you ignore her completely

“are you done” you tell her harshly looking straight up at her “you two okay?” Thomas asks from across the room and you nod “yeah, where fine” you tell him grabbing a small piece of gauze and holding it to your neck “does he-” but you cut her off talking a little softer making sure nobody hears “No, he doesn't and he won't cause your going to keep your mouth shut and not talk to anybody about it you ruined enough as it is”

“if you come back to the lab with me i could help you give you a-”

“just drop it alright!” you yell getting everybody's attention “Whats going on here?” Gally asks and you shake your head “Nothing, there's absolutely nothing” you tell him walking of Looking over at your brother And then to the brown haired boy that is already on his feet and coming towards you and taking you away from Teresa and away from the others for a second “hey, whats going on with you?” he asks and you shake your head “i’m just one edge i just really want this to work” and the boy nods understanding and giving a quick peck on your lips cupping your cheeks “well get Minho back and we'll all be safe i promise” you look over at your brother on the other side of the Room and Thomas seems to understand “We’ll save Newt well get the cure and he’ll be fine”

“Promise me that after saving Minho you’ll try to save Newt no matter what” and he nods “where is this coming from?” He asks but you just look at him “Promise me Thomas”

“I Will, i promise i Will try to save Newt no matter what” you give Him a weak smile knowing that your brother might survive this all and that made you feel good you where going to save your friends, your family even though you know there was only enough to save one of you two and you knew it wasn't going to be you “You know i love you right?” He tells him and he leans down a little kissing you with more passion than before “i love you too, until Death do us apart” it was a small thing you two said in the glade and in the scorch when something happened but right now it only made you sad cause the small Joke that first meant you loved on another and would stick together would soon turn into reality and probably Faster than he hoped.

The plan worked, you got into WICKED, you saved Minho and you got out of the building with only minor issues but the adrenaline and the fast work took its toll on Newt, His body was shutting down and it was getting harder for yourself to keep things hidden from Thomas or anybody else for that matter.“They were supposed to blow up WICKED not the whole damn city!” Gally says as the walls explode and cars full of angry people coming rushing into the city. pushing us to the side we all sit down against a wall in an alley trying to get away from the explosions and Thomas crawls to the side and you pull his arm “where are you going” you ask him but he is quickly sitting back next to you as he sees WICKED’s cars rushing in “shit”

“what are they waiting for?” Minho asks “Like i have a clue” you answer and like it was planned a loud explosion goes off again and gunfire starts to blast out on the street “we gotta go!” Gally calls out and we sneak into an old dinner to stay sheltered from it all. Sitting in the back of the restaurant you sit against Thomas his chest and his hand goes around your waist as both of you breath heavily for the first time sitting still and letting everything that happened sink in looking between the gunfire outside and Gally,Newt and Minho you know things aren't looking very good for the five of you. Thomas loosens the hand on your waist and grabs the walkie from his pocket “brenda, are you there” and almost immediately she answers “Thomas, i’m here” you grab the walkie from his hands looking around seeing your brother getting worse the fire and fight going on outside and Thomas behind you before answering her “Bren, there's too much going on and i don't think we're going to make it”

“y/n? what are you talking about” she says clearly holding back tears making it harder for yourself to hold it back and you hand to Walkie back to Thomas while swallowing the lump in your throat “you should take the others and get everybody out while you still can” and i doesn't take long for Brenda her protest to come through

“No” and tears roll down your cheeks knowing how hard it is for them so putting your hand over Thomas you hold down the buttons “brenda, you need to go” you tell her hoping she will listen to you “i’m not leaving you two okay so forget it”

“Even though you should,” Thomas tells her and it stays silent for a while you sit up a little with a few tears in your eyes and you grab onto Thomas's hand tighter than before. part of you hoped it was going to be over cause it meant you never had to tell him the truth but the other part wanted him to survive and live his life at the fullest “we started this together might as well end it that way” you tell him and he smiles “you sound like your brother” and you laugh a little looking over at him “till death do us apart right” Thomas Jokes and you nod turning our head far enough to kiss him

“Thomas! y/n! don't worry i’m coming for you” and both Thomas and you look at each other and you act quick taking the walkie out of his hands “what are you talking about?”

“our rides here, look for us near the tunnels”

After walking out of the building Gally takes the lead cause he knew the place the best and he led you all towards the tunnels. At the end of the street a loud blow is heard and a car blows up in front of you all making you fall over and you're once again stuck hiding behind a wall “were almost here” Gally says staking low trying to look for a way through the fight without much trouble but a bright flash of light above you all making you look up seeing the berg flying overhead heading towards the tunnels “There here” you say in a whisper looking at Thomas having hope for your brother once again knowing Brenda had the cure to save him

“go without me, just go” Newt spills and you all look at him, veins starting to crawl up his neck and towards his face and black blood coming from his mouth

and you knew he wasn't going to last long anymore “Minho, you gotta run ahead grab the serum and get back as soon as you can” you tell him and he looks at you not agreeing with it but Thomas nods “Minho, go”

“there right, i’ll cover” Gally tells him and i nod once silently thinking him

“y/n, bring one for y/n” Newt says and you shut him up “what is he talking about?” Thomas asks and you shake your head “Nothing I'm fine it’s just the infection getting to his head” you tell him turning to Minho “You need to go Now!

“just hang on, you hear me,” Minho tells Newt and with those words he runs off getting the serum to save your brother. Newt his head turns to the side and you can see he's fading away but you grab onto him shaking him trying to get him to focus on you and trying to stay awake “Newt! stay with me do you hear me, i need you to stay focused”

“We've gotta get you up” Thomas says, grabbing onto Newt his arm but he protests reaching for his necklace and ripping it from his neck “come on Newt we've gotta go!” Thomas tells him again and tears run down your eyes as Newt holds out the necklace towards Thomas you knew it was the letter he wrote, you were there with him

“Newt, your gonna make it”. I tell him but he keeps his hand out for Thomas

“Just take it!” he yells breathing heavily and Thomas takes the necklace from him holding his hand tight “please, Tommy please” as the words pass by his lips your body starts shutting down and you start coughing letting your body drop next to Newts “y/n!” Thomas yells and you nod “i’m okay, it's just smoke” you lie and you look towards Newt and you can see in his eyes that he knows you're not far behind him “tell him, you need to tell him” Newt says and you shake your head “you need to keep your mouth shut, the plan is going the way it should” you tell him before turning to look at Thomas “tell me what?” Thomas asks and you shake your head holding onto your sanity and pushing yourself up again “The plan about saving Minho it's working now we've gotta save Newt your helping or not?”

“She’s Sick” Newt spits and Thomas looks at you “i’m fine just tired” And Thomas nods he knew you hadn't been sleeping much being concerned about newt but the truth was you didnt wanna risk him seeing the Infection in your leg you had enough time to sleep when this was over. “We need to get out of here” you tell him and Thomas nods, helping you lift up Newt and Making your way closer to the tunnels.

after a few blocks of walking your knees give up on you and you drop to the ground Newts body collapsing onto Thomas and dropping to the ground before you “Y/n?” Thomas ask and you look up at him “I’m Sorry Thomas” you tell him knowing your plan was not working you weren't going to make it and your idea to walk away the minute your brother was save wasn't going to work, if you were shutting down this fast then Newt was even worse knowing that the body in front of you wasn't your Brother anymore but the Infection that caught up with him and took over his brain.

suddenly the street goes quiet and Teresa her voice comes through “thomas? can you hear me, i need you to listen to me i know you have no reason to trust me but i need you to come back, Thomas you can save Newt you can save y/n, there's still time for the Both them” you start coughing and looking at your hand you see black blood and you lift your head up al little to look at thomas you give him a silent apologie again but he just looks at the blood on your lips “there’s a reason brenda isn't sick anymore, it's your blood do you understand she isn't sick cause you cured her she doesn't have to be the only one. the only thing you have to do is come back and all of this will finally be over, please just come back to me” he looks at you and with tears in your eyes you nod “you need to go ” you tell him and he shakes his head ignoring it only wanting answers “why didn't you tell me?” He asks and you swallow the lump in your throat this was the exact reason you didn't tell him

“i couldn't, i didnt wanna say goodbye not to you”

“There's still time Minho is getting the serum” and you shake your head “That’s not the plan’ you tell him throwing it all out “Newt was supposed to make it and i was going to stay behind, going down saving you guys”. You tell him and he has tears in his eyes “You were just going get yourself killed? After everything we’ve been through”

“It’s better than letting this Stuppid Virus control me, i’m not becoming a Crank Thomas, i love you i do but i would much rather get shot out here than survive only to risk hurting the others or you” but he shakes his head not accepting it you betrayed his trust which made you no better than WICKED the only difference was that your intentions were truly only to save the people you loved “we’ll get the serum and everything Will be fine” he tells you but before you can say anything or protest a loud scream comes from behind you and you turn your head to see Newt showing getting up onto his feet, surprised he’s still there “Newt?” you both ask insinc and he slowly turns revealing him fully cranked out eyes gone black and he lashes out towards Thomas attacking him. Thomas steps aside letting Newt drop to his knees and he seems to have a second of his humanity coming through “Tommy! kill me!” he yells, turning to look at Thomas but your own mind keeps getting hazly wanting to shut down so you only see fragments of the fight in front of you. the minute you look backup holding onto your sanity you see Newt holding a knife close to thomas his chest and your own rage takes over pushing yourself onto your feet and pushing your brother off of your boyfriend and holding him down “Newt, this isn't you! Get a hold on your sanity” you try hoping he has any left but he doesn't do anything but trying to get you off and to your side you see a Gun and you use your left foot to kick against it and it slides towards Thomas and he looks between the weapon and you holding down Newt “shoot! the bullet will kill us both” you tell him in a clear moment and she shakes his head

“Thomas, it's your own life, or ours!” you yell at him but Newt gets the upper hand throwing you off him and going for the knife again heading back towards Thomas and you make a decision, with tears in your eyes and the last bit sanity you crawl towards the gun and clock it standing on your feet and aiming the gun towards your brother “Newt!” you yell and he turns his attention towards you and in that small moment you see his eyes the ones you grew up with and the ones of the big brother you love so much and he nods telling you it's okay and with that you pull the trigger the bullet going into his chest and his body dropping to the ground. you look over at thomas and he sits there next to Newts body tears covering his cheeks and your own rolling down your face knowing you just killed the one person that you promise yourself you would save “i'm sorry thomas'' you tell him lifting up the gun an you close your eyes placing your Finger on the trigger but before you can pull it Thomas slams it out of your hands “No! I’m not losing both of you” you look him in his eyes and he has a pleading look “Minho is on his way just hold on okay” he tells you through sobs and you shake your head “i'm not going to make it till then i’m tired of fighting Thomas, i just want it to stop, make it stop” you tell him trying to hold onto your sanity, you reach in your pocket and take out the small necklace and you hand it to him. “Newt’s not to only one that wrote you a letter” and he grabs it holding onto your hand “i love you” you tell him and he smiles a little through the tears “i love you too” with your own tears you take a step back and let go of his hand “if that's true and you really love me, then you'll let me do this then you let me go” he looks shocked and shakes his head protesting but you dont listen to his words “you’re going to be okay” he tries to tell you but you give him a hard enough push to make him trip and you grab the gun up from the ground and drop to your knees next to Newt his body “i’ll see you soon” you tell him before before turning to look at Thomas one last time as he gets back onto his feet but your already lifting up the gun to your head “i’ll say hi to chuck for you”

“don’t do it Please y/n!” he asks through sobs “till death do us apart”

“Wait!” Looking to the side Brenda runs forwards with the small blue file in her hand and she looks to Newt on the ground and to you holding the gun to your head but it all gave Thomas enough time to run towards you getting a Grip on the gun“Thomas! I’m gonna kill you!” You yell at him letting the last of your humanity slip away and fighting the one person you thought you never wanted to hurt “Brenda!” Thomas yells and before you know it everything in front of your eyes turns black

WICKED had taken everything from him, they made it to the safe haven but it didn't seem to matter to him. Vince's speech was what hurt most , it reminded everybody of what they lost but it also reminded them that the people they cared about sacrificed their own lives to save them. “We've come a long way together, so many have sacrificed to make this place possible. your friends, your family. so here's to the ones that couldn't be here, here's to the friends we've lost, this place is for you it's for all of us” he turns his body to point at one of the large rocks in the middle of the place “this, this is for them, so in your one time in your own way, come make your peace, and welcome to the safe haven”

The night was spent talking about memories of the lost once and the plans for the future, the plans of what was coming next and what to do with their lives Now That they were free to do what they wanted but Thomas kept away from it sitting to the side. Minho said down next to him giving him a small smile and looking over the place “this is going to be a good home for us, they would of loved it” he tells him while reaching in the pocket of his jacket and pulling out the two necklaces and hands them back to thomas “you had this one you when you passed out, figured i'd keep them safe for you” an Thomas takes Boh of he necklaces from the boy hesitantly “thanks minho'' padding his shoulder he smiles before walking away leaving Thomas alone to read the letter from Newt, followed by the one you gave him.

Dear Thomas

it’s been one hell of a ride, i know i always complained about being trapped by WICKED so this might be weird coming from me but i miss the glade, i miss waking up to frypans crappy breakfasts or watching the sunset right before the doors closed, it all seems like so long ago doesn't it we were so innocent back then. But now here we are, we lost a lot of Friends in the fight to get you all to the safe haven so you guys better make the most of it or I'm coming to haunt you all.

i want you to know that i never kept this all from you cause i didn't love you, god i loved you even more after i found out it wasn't going to last but i couldn't bring myself to tell you i know that it's probably selfish but i didn't want to spend our last few weeks maybe even days saying goodbye like everyone did with Newt, i wish i could be with you forever but i guess we weren't meant to be. Our time together was exactly like paradise but i wouldn't wanna change, i remember when you can up in that box back in the Glade everybody though you were one hell of a trouble maker and to be honest you really were, breaking the rules running into the maze but i loved every second of it, it didn't matter to me how many times you broke the rules or what stuppid or risky idea you had i would off followed it all, i did follow it i followed you, through the Maze, through the scorch and now through the last City saving Minho and getting Newt to safety. That was my plan and i know you’ll hate it but it was simple get you all save and leave myself behind to die out in the field so nobody has to know what was really happening to me it Will be easier that way. i’m not afraid of dying, i’m afraid of

Losing myself to this stuppid virus that turned me into a walking time bomb. I want you to know I don't want to let you all go but I have no other choice cause waiting for this serum isn't an option for me and even if we get there in time it would only push back the inevitable. I want you to be happy. I want you to live your life to the fullest and make me proud and take care of the other keep Minho out of trouble and make sure gally doesnt start a fight with some shank in the safe haven. i hope that in a few years from now you’ll smile and say that it was worth it cause it has been worth it to me. Now pick yourself up and finish what you started and lead the people that are there with you like I know you can. I know you’ll do what's right you always have. take care and remember that i’ll love you

thank you for being my best friend and my first love

goodbye tommy

y/n

Opening your eyes you sit straight up feeling a burning pain in your ankle and lifting the fabric you see the Veins disappeared and the bite mark was almost completely healed. Panic rushes through your body not knowing where you are and looking around you only see wooden furniture and bottles of medicine on a table to the side, throwing your feet over the edge you stand up finding your balance and walking past the curtain that closed of the little shed you were in and you look out over the ocean turning to the side you see an entire village that reminds you of the glade, making you think that heaven wasn't as bad as you though it was going to be walking forwards into the place you pass by field that are growing food, people building shelter with wood and right in front of you the dark haired Runner comes walking closer and you look over at him surprised “Minho?” You ask him hesitant and he smiles up you only to see Gally, Frypan and Brenda walking closer to you beside him “hey there Greenie, you look better” Gally tells you and you stand there shocked and there eyes go to something behind and turning around your faces with the brown haired boy you love and he looks a bit sad but there this little light of Hope in his eyes as he steps closer grabbing onto you an hugging you tight.

“I-i’m alive'' you ask hesitantly while you sit on the side with Thomas and he nods “how long have I been out?” You ask him “A week the serum took its time but you made it through” he tells you and guilt hits you immediately, your plan your brother was the one that should have been sitting there not you, your brother, you killed your brother you shot Newt,you almost shot yourself. Panic washes over you and Thomas seems to notice and he grabs your hand pulling you out of it “hey, you made it” he tells you again and tears roll down your cheeks “i wasn't supposed to”

“yeah, i know i read your letter” and you look up at him “Thomas”

“I did as you told me to, i picked myself up and i’m gonna keep going forwards, were gonna keep going forward together”

“After everything if done, you still want me?” And the boy nods lifting his hand an cupping your cheeks “i hate the plan you made to just go of and die on your own and i’m going to be angry about it for a while but right now your still alive and i’m not planning on letting you go anytime soon so you're stuck with me”

“Newt..” you say in a whisper “Newt would want you to live a happy live and not think about what happened because you can't change it” you know he’s right but it was going to take time to mourn the loss of your brother this wasn't the plan you made instead of silently slipping away after you saved your friends and your brother you are the one that got saved “you were infected you didn't think straight” he tells you

“I knew what was doing when i pulled the trigger, i knew in that moment i was shooting My own brother, the look in his eyes told me it was him in that last minute it told me it was okay” you tell him holding down the Tear's that threaten to slip again

“but i also know your right he wouldn't want me to give up so i wont, i Will wait for you to forgive me cause i wanna be with you cause your all if got left” you tell Thomas and he smiles reaching in his pocket and pulling something out of it and he hands it to you, taking it from him it reveals a little ring and you look up at him “after we got here and i saw you past out i started making it, i knew when i saw you laying right there that i never wanted to see you like that again that i wanted to be with you forever, so if you really mean that you wanna be with me than you'll say yes” you look at him shocked not knowing what to do or what to say “say yes to being with me forever, say yes to being my best friend, to being my girl, to being my wife, marry me Y/n” you nod not having the words to say it outloud and Thomas smiles sliping the ring on your Finger and holding onto your Hand and leaning forward to catch your lips with his before looking back up at you “Till death do us apart”

[miceenscene]

Fealty

female shepard/garrus vakarian | pwp | roleplay

wc: 8.9k

summary: Garrus & Shepard find some escapism in the midst of a war. | This is the product of listening to Rimsky’s Scheherazade too many times whilst pondering the inherent eroticism of blood oaths.

warnings: none, just sexy times galore

an: in this house, service switch Garrus hours are 24/7

ao3 | Masterlist

The Incident was an accident.

The Incident was an accident, and Garrus swore he would maintain that story to his dying day. It was not his fault that when Shepard really got him going sometimes odd things came out of his mouth. If anything, it was Shepard’s fault. Her and her flexible, strong, smooth body did unspeakable things to him that he really couldn’t rationally explain outside of the moment.

The night of The Incident, they’d started in the elevator, cautious at first then building as it became clear no one would interrupt them, then shedding armor carelessly in the hallway just outside her quarters. They’d made it to the desk at least for the first round. Then half a round against the fishtank, till finally she had him pinned down on the bed. His hands gripped her waist, following her rhythms eagerly, as she found her pleasure on top of him. She was warm and clenching around him as his head swam with Shepard.

There was a phenomenon that Garrus had long since noticed, beginning really from the first time they ‘blew off steam’. In the run up to Shepard’s peaks, he found himself… needing, craving, desperate to give her what she desired. Probably some combination of turian martial instinct–she was still the commander of the ship he served on, even if she claimed she wasn’t his commander anymore–and plain attraction to the woman herself. As well as his own perfectionist tendencies. If he was going to do a job, he wanted to do it The Best… and apparently that also applied to giving Shepard orgasms.

And it was somewhere in the middle of this phenomenon that it happened. The Incident. Shepard was close, close enough for them both to taste it. And she gave him an order, deeper more right there. And, as he happily obeyed, it just came out of his mouth in a soul-deep rumbling groan.

“Yes, your majesty.”

There was half a second before they both heard what he’d just said. Then it clicked. Glass shattered in the forefront of Garrus’ mind as a thousand warning lights suddenly started flashing.

Meanwhile, Shepard paused, teetering on her edge, and looked down at him. Her face was flushed, chest heaving with exertion, eyes over-bright. “What did you–”

It was a dirty move, but to distract her, Garrus pressed his thumb to her clit and canted his hips just so, shoving her into bliss with a loud exclamation. She pulled him down with her, both of them shuddering and swearing in each other’s arms.

His afterglow, however, was undercut with a strong tint of embarrassment. Luckily, nothing seemed to have bothered Shepard, who melted on top of him with her head resting on his chest. He trailed a few talons between her shoulder blades, making her hum and relax even more. Maybe she’d drift straight off to sleep, and in the morning his stupid mouth would be back under control.

But she shifted to the side into the waiting crook of his arm and molded around him in the usual, seemingly physically impossible for how perfect it was, way. “I should go clean up,” she sighed after another few minutes of quiet, stretching leisurely.

He hummed an agreement, relaxing now that it seemed his little outburst had been forgotten. “I’ll take care of the sheets,” he replied, nuzzling a kiss to the top of her head.

“Thank you,” she murmured, returning the kiss to the front of his carapace. With a soft smile, she got up. His hand traced the line down from her shoulder to her wrist to the tips of her fingers before she was out of reach. He admired the languid lines of her figure as she retreated, the bathroom door hissing shut behind her.

That was a close one.

Though he really should have known that his dodging skills were not that great. Or rather, Shepard’s ability to lay in wait should never be underestimated. Reckoning came a few evenings later. They were back in Shepard’s quarters again, but this time both reading through reports on her couch. Shepard liked to lean back against him and wrap his arm across her torso. Garrus liked it too because it was easy to lean over and stroke his mandible over her silky hair occasionally.

They’d been diligent for nearly three hours now, wading through the mounting horrors of war, but Garrus felt his eyes start to glaze over as he opened the next report from the Hierarchy. He blinked a few times to bring himself back into focus, only for it to happen less than two minutes later. Alright, perhaps it was time to call it a day.

His focus shifted to Shepard, a few tempting ideas popping up in the back of his mind. He brushed her hair to one shoulder so he could nuzzle a kiss to the other side of her neck. She hummed and her hand brushed the side of his face, but he didn’t have her full attention yet. That would have to change. He trailed the tip of his tongue up the side of her neck, up to her ear and over the shell of it, making the muscles in her core clench.

“Done already?” she asked, her voice just slightly airy.

“Done for tonight,” he rumbled. His hand covered hers on the datapad, updated casualty estimates from Earth. The numbers just never stopped growing. “You should be too.” She let him take the pad from her, setting it down on the coffee table, before laying back with her head in his lap.

“Perhaps you have a point.” Mentally setting aside the unfixable, she gave him a tired smile. “Did you want to go to bed? ...Orrr?”

“I’m a turian, Shepard. I’m pretty much always up for ‘orrr’.”

She laughed quietly and sat up to straddle his lap, arms resting on his shoulders and making his subvocals start to rumble at her proximity.

“How about you?” he asked, returning to his earlier work on her neck and sliding his hands across her waist. “Are you up for ‘orrr’?”

She hummed and leaned into his ministrations. “That depends.”

He really should have seen the trap, but he was too focused on trailing talon tips up the shallow valley of Shepard’s spine to see it at the time. “On?”

“Are you going to call me ‘your majesty’ again?”

Crap.

He froze, hands under her shirt, mouth open on her neck. “You heard that?”

“Yes, Garrus. I do tend to hear what you proclaim when you’re inside me.” She pulled back, making him look at her. “You mind explaining that one to me?”

He shook his head. “It’s nothing, forget it.” And he tried to duck back in to distract her again, but she moved back once more.

“It’s not nothing. I saw your face as you said it…” There was a teasing light in her eyes, coupled with a similar smirk across her lips. “Oh, come on. Remember I was the one who pitched that whole ‘let’s pretend we’re having a first date’ thing?”

“There’s a difference between faking the date we never got and… this.”

“I don’t mind taking things a step away from reality… seems almost a necessity these days.” Her eyes half-turned towards where the datapad still lay.

That was a solid point. But some deep shameful part of him clenched at owning up to this particular non-reality. Her teasing look dimmed as he didn’t budge a metaphorical inch. Thank the spirits, it seemed like she might let this go. But he was caught off-guard when she cupped his face in her hands.

“There is nothing you could tell me about yourself that would make me love you less. You know that right?”

He flinched from how deeply she struck. Consciously, yes. He trusted her when she said she loved him. The subconscious application was… tricky at times to prove that it had been completely accepted. Not all the time, just rare instances. Like right now.

He nodded. “I know.”

“Okay. Good.” She tipped her forehead to rest it against his. He was the luckiest damn turian in the entire galaxy. And he loved her just as much; he hoped she knew even though he hadn’t said it just yet.

She smiled softly as she sat back. “You don’t have to tell me the explanation if you don’t want to. But…” She shrugged and moved off his lap, sitting on the couch next to him and picking back up her datapad. “If you did, maybe I could… play along.”

The last two words came out just a touch rougher around the edges, sending a fizzing thrill to his gut and calling his bluff all at the same time. Just like she’d no-doubt intended. A whole new host of tempting ideas popped up in the back of his mind, their sum total enticing enough to overwhelm the shame.

He was actually going to do this.

“How… much do you know about turian history?” he asked slowly, picking up his own datapad in a feigned casual manner to have something to look at.

“Very little.”

“Well, it’s not as much turian history as… turian historical fiction.” He sucked in a breath for the strength to power through to the end of the explanation. “A… scandalous novel I read as a young recruit. Set during the unification wars, about a warlord and… her right-hand warrior.”

He could feel her gaze land on him, but he maintained focus on the words-turned-unparsable-shapes of his datapad. Embarrassment singed the back of his neck as silence filled the room. His first instinct was right; this was a silly fantasy, best kept to himself and not shared with someone whose respect he craved like Shepard’s.

He heard her shift and then her hand was under his chin, tilting his head to look up at her. His breath caught in his upper chest when he met her eyes. She’d stood, making her taller than he was from where he was sitting. Her posture was taught, like on the battlefield, yet somehow tempting at the same time. Strength and power radiated from her. A smile hinted in her eyes, but her mouth was set into a stoic line.

“Do you want me to be your queen, Garrus?” she asked in a low voice that shifted like sand under a desert wind.

“Yes.”

One dune after another, the horizon seemed as far now at dusk as it had been at dawn. Always dancing and shifting, no matter how steadfastly the General moved towards it. The glaring suns had beat unrelenting against his helmet all day, scorching his armor and the sand beneath him. But as they slipped beneath the horizon, he finally caught sight of his destination in the far distance. A camp of tents lay in the shadow of the mesa, spotted with torchlight and waving flags of red and black.

A small flurry of alarm kicked up at his approach to the camp, then stilled as he was recognized by the watch. His men greeted him warmly, but the General didn’t slow. He headed straight for the largest tent at the dead middle of the camp, trimmed in gold with two guards at the entrance. Momentum pulled him inside the tent where he finally stopped, removing his helmet and falling to one knee on the sumptuous rug across the floor.

It was scent that whispered of her arrival, more than sound or sight. Cool jasmine with the slight tang of tempered steel drifted towards him, surrounded him, familiar and intoxicating. Then the soft drag of a silk robe across carpet met his ears, followed by her voice, low and calm as a viper.

“You have returned, General Vakarian.”

“Yes, my Queen,” he answered.

“Rise and report.”

He stood and breath caught in his chest as he finally saw her, his Queen. Every time he saw her, it was first her eyes that captivated him, green as a forest and piercing as a dagger. Her waist-length crimson hair was loose, brushed to gleaming over one shoulder, and she was wrapped in a deep blue robe. She appeared unarmed, perhaps even vulnerable to the untrained eye. But he knew her better than that. She was dangerous, yet all the more beguiling for it.

At his prolonged silence, she lifted a single brow and turned to a small table at the opposite side of the tent that bore a pitcher and a few silver goblets. The General opened the bag he’d carried for days now and placed a sealed scroll on the wide table in the center of the room on which a large map was unfurled.

“As you requested, Lord Tulius has been removed. His head decorates the gates to his city.”

She didn’t pause her calm movements, pouring two goblets before turning back to face him. “And?”

“The new Lord has sworn five hundred soldiers when we ride on Gerou next month.”

She neared, jasmine and steel surrounding him once more, but she did not offer the second goblet. “And?”

“And Ardaraka will also be joining with one hundred archers and sending tribute.”

Her mouth remained steady, but an approving light shone in her eyes as she held out the goblet to him. The wordless approval rested on his brow brighter than any crown. He took the goblet carefully, gloved fingers brushing hers for a moment. Never looking away from the other, they both sipped the wine. Spices blossomed on his palette, heady and strong.

“Your work is always exemplary, General,” she said, stepping around him. Her shoulder just brushed his as she passed, burning him through his armor. “But this is to be commended.” She rounded the table and took another thoughtful sip as she sat down in the chair at the head. “Such efforts should not go unrewarded. Tell me what prize you would accept, and it shall be granted to you.”

She was a woman of her word. Up to half her kingdom could be granted to him if he but asked for it. As it was–

“There is only one prize that I desire.”

Her eyes locked to his, gaze as scorching as the suns and twice as rich. Then she set her cup down and relaxed back in the chair, a smile finally playing on her lips.

“Come and claim it then.”

Wasting no precious time, the General shed his gloves and rounded the table to stand before his Queen, eyes boring into hers, smoldering hot enough to catch flame. She offered up her hand, which he took in his, smoothing a thumb over her battle-calloused fingers before pressing a kiss to the knuckles.

“I swear to guard my Queen from harm and, with either my life or my death, ensure her continued dominion,” he whispered, repeating part of the oath he’d taken so many years ago. The solemn vow was carved on his spirit, the ethos of his life from that day onward. He turned her hand over and kissed her palm, then her wrist, feeling her steady pulse on his mouth plates. “Until my Queen releases me, death takes me, or the world ends.”

When he looked back to her face, her lips were slightly opened, eyes wide and utterly enraptured. Deep satisfaction suffused through him at the sight. Glimpses of the woman behind the crown were rare, and he coveted them jealously. For as assuredly he would follow her into death, some naive part of him longed to share her life even more. The awed warmth of her gaze kindled something deep inside him, something precious and pure. Something to be thought of only in the most private of moments and not yet voiced. Perhaps never to be spoken, only shown.

He knelt before her, basking in her rapt attention. With great care, he reached for her ankle, palm sliding up the smooth skin of her calf before stopping at her knee, which he lifted and placed on his shoulder as he moved in closer–submerging himself in jasmine and steel. Pulling her robe open, he found her completely bare underneath save for an encrusted dagger that was wrapped in a holster about her thigh.

He’d given the dagger to her not long after he came into her service. The reminder of how close she kept it on her person still sent a low shudder down his spine. Never unarmed that was his Queen, he mused, subvocals starting to purr. He traced the leather strap first with his fingers, then his mouth plates before drifting upwards and pulling her closer.

This near, her clearest scent filled his lungs–rich as earth, complex and mouth-wateringly bitter. Her thighs resting on his shoulders and his hands on her hips, he stared up at her in both wonder and desire. Her usual stoic front was holding strong for the moment, but he could see something stirring beneath her surface. He held there, waiting for the final permission. She granted it in a silent nod.

Not looking away, he kissed her center, making her eyes flutter shut momentarily. But she quickly regained her composure. It was always a battle with her, a testing of wills–he wouldn’t have it any other way. Determined, he delved deeper, still holding her eyes for as long as he could. Her hand rested at the back of his head, fingers just brushing his most sensitive area as he found hers. The sinews in her neck clenched as he circled and lapped, pushing and teasing her till she yielded for him. It came as his tongue slipped inside her warmth. Her eyes shut, mouth dropped half-open, and her hand on his head clenched, nails biting at his skin. A half-strangled gasp met his ears, sweeter than symphonies, rousing his own desire with its call.

Now it wasn’t a battle, but a crusade. Or perhaps a gauntlet, a test of his mastery of her pleasure. He never wanted to just satisfy her, to just sate her. He wanted to ruin her. To make every other partner pale in comparison. None could eclipse her in his eyes. It felt an honest, if perhaps hopeless, endeavor to strive for the same honor from her.

He pulled away from her, earning a low whimper of protest from his Queen that kicked his subvocals rumbling even lower. But he didn’t move far. His thumb circled over her center, drawing her attention, till he nipped the sensitive inner skin of her thigh. Her hips bucked at change in sensation, muscles rippling under his palms. He apologized with a swipe of his tongue, though he knew it would leave a mark. A reminder of his presence just for her.

Her other hand gripped his shoulder, a burning beacon that she was close to her end. He could retreat now, suffer her temporary wrath, for another valiant run for glory. Some nights, she let him indulge himself, bringing her closer and closer to her edge without letting her fall over. But her hand on the back of his head pulled him back to her center. No, she was not to be toyed with tonight. So he gladly surrendered to her will. Not replacing his finger, he dipped his tongue back inside her.

It took only two coordinated strokes before she fell, shuddering and clenching and gasping. She pulled him so close, curling over him as if to blur the boundaries between his being and hers. Tension shattered through her core, her limbs, stacking to insurmountable heights. Till, like a candle flame, it vanished, leaving only boneless, radiating warmth in its absence.

His Queen dropped against the back of the chair, hands relaxing their grip on him but not moving away. Her chest rose and fell as she struggled to rewrite her composure. Though before she completely succeeded, a blissful smile spread across her lips. He wished he could save it somehow, tuck it away in a cedar box at the bottom of his armory, where it would be safe and cherished as long as he drew breath.

She swallowed and let out a low hum of contentment that settled in the back of his skull. “Commendable, General,” she said, her voice smoky as torch light. “As always.”

“It is my honor, your majesty.”

“Yes, it is.” The corners of her lips tugged in amusement but didn’t spread wide again.

His subvocals rolled with his unquenched thirst, perhaps she could feel them from where his palms slid down her hips. He pulled her silk robe back into place before retreating reluctantly, standing and stepping back from her throne. She offered her hand again, which he happily took and helped her stand.

“Such… valiant effort on behalf of my realm deserves more than one reward, don’t you agree?”

He tipped his head in deference, deep parts of him agreeing with her far more vehemently. “If you wish to honor me more, who am I to deny you?”

She stepped towards him, close but not touching. Jasmine and steel surrounded him again, sending his core muscles clenching. Her chin lifted, tilting her face as if she wished to kiss him. Like a comet, he was pulled helplessly into her orbit. But she did not meet him. She, instead, hovered a hair’s breadth apart. His control shuddered as he held there with his hands clasped behind his back, knuckles paling for the effort.

After several tense seconds, her gaze met his, curiosity and something like satisfaction in her eyes. “You would deny me nothing, would you?”

“Nothing,” he repeated in a fervent whisper. His plates were starting to itch from how close yet far she was. But he refused to move till she gave him leave.

She pulled away yet rewarded his restraint with the backs of her fingers stroking along his scarred mandible. Though he couldn’t help but lean into the touch, brushing a kiss to her knuckles as her hand dropped away. He was only mortal.

“Come.” She offered her hand and led him away from the table. There was a curtained doorway that divided the war room from her sleeping quarters of the tent. She pulled back the thick fabric and stepped inside, inviting him into her most private space.

The room was not overly large, nothing like her chambers back in her fortress. Her armor, spear, and shield were displayed proudly next to the entrance. There was a space for bathing and dressing. A smaller table for her own use tucked in the corner. But the room was dominated by the large bed in the center. Not four postered and curtained like in her ancient estate by the sea, a bedroll made for travel but still strewn with cushions and luxurious enough for royalty. The scent of her hovered in the room like incense. A few candles in the corners were the only source of light, casting soft shadows around the edges of her figure.

Once inside, she didn’t let go of his hand. Instead, her nimble fingers travelled up his arm, removing vambraces and pauldrons with practiced ease. She untied his cuirass from around his carapace, fingertips brushing against his sides, before setting it carefully aside with the other pieces. When strapped with his armor and weapons, he hardly noticed the weight of them anymore. But as she pulled off each piece, breath came easier to him, though he wasn’t sure if it was relief or anticipation that filled his lungs so readily. Every plate of steel gone felt like a skin removed, stripping away the mantle of General to leave behind just him for her.

She went to remove his greaves, moving to kneel before him, when he reflexively stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. She shouldn’t– But her eyes snapped up to him, sharp and flinty.

Would you deny me this?

No, he would not. So he pulled his hand back, humbled by the rare view and trying to deny how the unique angle stirred up memories filled with desire.

She pulled off the last of his armor and then rose, her half-smile distracting him from her hand till it dragged up his completely spread plates over his pants. That made him flinch and suck in a sharp breath, sparks leapt onto the crumbling tower of his composure.

“Too much?” she asked in a low voice. His eyes opened to find her looking at him intensely, brows flickering just towards each other.

He shook his head. “Never.”

She repeated the action, but he was ready for her this time. The gentle pressure emanated out through his whole person, making his subvocals sputter and stop for a moment. He was absolutely weeping in his sheath, but she stopped before it became too much.

With just one hand at his waist, the sensation muted from his underclothes but knee-buckling all the same, she urged him to sit on the foot of her bed. He was closer to her face this way, giving him a chance to admire the sharp line of her jaw, how her eyes were inky black haloed with thin green. She was breathtaking on the field and away.

Breaking all contact with him, she edged into the space between his knees, commanding his complete attention without a word. Not letting him look away, she loosened the tie of her robe. It slipped off her shoulders and pooled on the ground, leaving her only in her dagger. He found an anchor in the silk sheets beneath him, talons gripping the fabric for dear life. Her eyes proclaimed proudly that she knew exactly what the sight of all of her was doing to him. His gaze greedily swept over her figure, like a bandit discovering a pirate’s hoard, taking in the exotic curves and admiring the few pale scars. The need to put his hands on her and pull her close scalded his palms. He longed to kiss every freckle that dotted her skin, to hear her gasp his name as he buried himself inside her. She let him admire for a few breathless moments, but twisted the dagger when she lifted her holstered leg to rest her foot on his knee.

“Would you help me, General?” she asked calmly, as if asking for him to bring her the weather reports.

He swallowed, hard. Then again. No, growling subvocals would not allow words she could understand now. So he instead simply obeyed, unwinding the leather strap before pulling it through the buckle. His hands only trembled slightly, but stilled as the steadying weight of the dagger dropped into his palm. He offered it to her, pride shoring him up as he persevered under her visual onslaught.

She took it from him and turned away, long hair tossing over her shoulder and brushing against his face for just a moment. “Would you want some Aephusian Ale?” she asked, sashaying away with a pronounced hip swing that he could not ignore. “I know how much you enjoy it.”

“Of course,” he rumbled, dropping his gaze away from her to gain his bearings more. A few deep breaths cleared his head enough for her return, proffering a dark glass bottle. His attention could not be afforded anywhere but on her as he took a sip, not quite paying attention till the taste registered.

Garrus blinked. “This… this is actually Aephusian Ale,” he said, looking down at the bottle in his hand. It tasted exactly like the drink in the book. Spirits, where had Shepard found this?

“Of course it is,” his Queen said in a low voice, pulling him back in as she stepped closer. “You think I don’t know my best General’s favorite drink?”

He smiled softly up at her. “I am humbled by your attentions,” the General replied.

She moved even closer, nearly touching him now. He could feel the warmth radiating lowly off her skin. It grew stronger as she leaned towards him, head angling once again for a kiss. And like before, she stopped a grain of sand away, though this time a strangled whine snuck up the back of his throat before he quickly cut it off.

A gloating look floated through her eyes. “Your orders are to retreat, General.”

Unsure precisely what she meant, he frowned slightly up at her. She waved her hand and it clicked. It wasn’t graceful, but he moved backwards across the bed, only stopping when the back of his carapace met the cushions already set up to support him. As if to make up for his lack of coordination, his Queen prowled towards him, a hungry look simmering in her eye. Feeling trapped in the very best way, he set aside the ale.

She crawled all the way up to straddle his lap, dropping herself the last inch and expelling a soft groan from his gut at the sudden contact. But it transformed in a low growl as she rocked her hips, rubbing her sodden center over his sheath. His swollen cock begged to be released, trapped by her and his pants, and her steady, eddying pressure was delicious torture. But she was nefarious and brutal, his Queen, and she reminded him of that as her arms wound around his shoulders, fingers trailing up his neck to the skin under his fringe. He could have borne the burden without complaint had she not also dipped her head and finally pressed that craved kiss not to his mouth but to his vulnerable throat.

That finally broke him.

“Please,” he bit out, head dropped back in utter submission. “Please, your majesty.”

She kissed his neck once, twice more, and then bit down. It wasn’t enough to leave a mark through his skin, but his whole body jerked, jostling her and halting her slow grinding. Without any rush, she lifted herself up off his lap to meet his eyes, a palm smoothing down his fringe.

“Yes, General? Is there something you desire?” she asked in that same calm voice.

“You.” His subvocals were shredded with clawing need. “Always you.”

Hands cradling his face, she tilted his head forward enough to press her brow to his in a turian kiss. The simple yet profound gesture blew right through simple carnal desire, landing square in the deep unspeakable truth at his very core. Eyes shut, he pressed up against her as fervently as the angle would allow, letting his subvocals sing with the words he didn’t dare to utter.

She pulled back for a moment, soothing fingers brushing along his mandibles, then leaned back in, lips so close to his mouth. But this time, she whispered, “Kiss me.”

And he did, surging forward to claim her mouth with his. After so much build-up and denial, it rapidly deepened to something needy and demanding. Technique and skill were completely abandoned in favor of pure sensation. He needed her tongue tangled with his, her breath in his lungs. Oh, though it was so blissfully wonderful to taste her again, it was not enough. Nothing less than all of her would suffice.

“Please, my Queen,” he rumbled, tracing his mandible along the smooth line of her jaw. “I need you. Please.”

She kissed him once more, rising up on her knees to break the pressure on his waist and tilt his head back as far as it would go. Her hand rested on his throat, fingertips tracing small circles on either side and pulling uncontrollable shudders from him with every small movement.

“I’m already yours. Take me,” she whispered with a slight smile.

She obviously had not been prepared for his attack as she let out a small cry when he flipped their positions, tossing her back on the bed with as much care as he could muster. It turned into a breathless chuckle as he pulled away just long enough to wrench his trousers off. A deep groan left him as he was finally freed from his sheath, relief sparkling down his spine and numbing the back of his skull.

“Can always count on you to be ready for battle,” she mused.

He had plans to remove his shirt too and possibly say something witty back. But all thoughts were driven from his head as he caught a glimpse of his Queen completely splayed on the bed, dark eyes taking in his figure, her hand sliding down her stomach with obvious intent. He caught it before it reached its destination, pressing another quick kiss to her pulse. She groaned softly at being interrupted.

“I would deny you nothing, your Majesty. But it is my honor to be the only one to please you this evening,” he purred, nipping a kiss to her collarbone.

“Then what are you waiting for?” She sounded annoyed, though there was a telling glimmer in her eyes that spoke otherwise. He lifted one of her legs into the crook of his elbow and leaned forward, just enjoying the low whimpers she made as he rocked through her heat.

“Absolutely nothing.” And he kissed her again as he finally joined with his Queen. Twin groans floated through the air of the tent as he immediately set a deep and thorough pace. Her clenching heat around him demanded his full attention, everything else but her disappeared from his mind. Her tongue tangled with his, and her fingers trailed down his fringe.

He kissed every inch of her skin that he could reach, running his tongue along her throat, nuzzling mandibles across her shoulders. She returned the favor with her own kisses up his neck, though his steady rhythm stuttered when she bit him again. Spirits, she knew him too well. Though he knew her just the same, and so he left his own nips along her collarbones, the base of her neck, anywhere that could be hidden by her armor. The evidence of their love was just for their knowledge.

Her low swears and strangled groans were the sweetest tune he’d ever heard. But he wanted the full symphony. An honest-to-the-gods whimper escaped her throat when he stilled and pulled back. Oh. He’d proudly wear that as a medal of honor on his breast if she could mint it.

“I’m not leaving,” he promised breathlessly. He lifted her hips and slid a cushion underneath, changing the angle of their meeting. “Still good?”

She clenched her inner muscles around him with a smirk.

“Fuck,” he groaned in answer to his own question.

“You have not yet been relieved of duty, Gen–” The end of her word changed into a deep moan as he rocked once, testing the new arrangement on his knees. Holding her open with his grip on her leg, he moved again, enjoying thoroughly watching the collision ripple through her body and hearing the echoes in her voice. Her hands stretched out for him but failed to reach their mark as he pressed the pad of his thumb to her clit, circling in the pattern he knew she liked best. She went fully lax, granting him full command over her pleasure.

“Look at me,” he pleaded, more subvocal than voice. But she obeyed. She demanded his continual gaze with hers, and neither looked away as he drove them steadily to their peak. Her acquiescence to his strategy started to crumble, however, as they drew close. A hand found purchase on his hip, pulling him closer, deeper, More. He eagerly surrendered what advantages distance allowed him in movement for the feeling of tucking his face against her neck.

Her cries abruptly spiked in pitch, and he just managed to catch her mouth with his for one last kiss before she reached bliss. Her body shuddering in his arms, and her slick heat clenching around him finished him off. Gratification shot down his spine, white hot and addictingly pure. He held tight to her, muscles locking as he convulsed once, twice, three times. Then every bit of tension in his body evaporated, all thought reducing to a rich blissfulness, thick enough to float away in.

A five-fingered hand rested on the back of his neck, stroking slowly up and down. Reflexes drunk-slow, he opened his eyes to find his Queen half-beneath him, looking nearly as relaxed as he felt. She caught his eye and a slow smile spread across her face, growing so fond it bubbled up into a low affectionate laugh. He pressed his brow to hers, a hand slipping into her hair, and laughed with her.

The air between them was saturated with the Unspoken. But it could barely be anymore blatantly stated than in his every small kiss upon her cheek. Every adjustment of limbs so they fit together even neater than before. Every slowing breath they shared as more one than two.

Her hand insinuated itself between his tunic and the small of his back, stroking his spine before tugging on the shirt.

“Remove this,” she murmured, eyes half open. “Your Queen demands it.”

“I don’t want to harm you,” he replied lowly, a hand smoothing over her bare hip.

“Do you think I’m as fragile as that?”

He shook his head. “Not fragile… precious.”

That wide eyed, awed look returned to her face, so wholly honest it took his breath away for a moment. Then she moved, crawling over him and kissing him once before pulling him up to sitting. She removed his tunic and then wrapped him in a long hug. The steady presence of her skin on his was centering in a way he couldn’t quite describe. The world, the galaxy fell into balanced order every time.

He hummed as she kissed his neck, slowly, luxuriously. Desire stirring slightly with the delicate attentions. She made her way leisurely up the length, pressing a final kiss to the side of his head then whispering, “You are so precious to me.”

His breath caught in his chest, but she didn’t pull away. More kisses made their way down his mandible then meeting his mouth in gentle caresses. She cradled his head in her arms, a hand brushing down his fringe.

“I don’t know where I’d be without you.” The look in her eyes was so fervently honest, he couldn’t do anything but stare up at her. The lines between Shepard and his Queen blurring till he wasn’t sure which one continued speaking. “I owe you my life more times over than I can ever repay. I never want to know what life is like without you at my side.”

His hands slid up her spine to pull her down for another kiss, adamant and just shy of bruising. “You’ll never have to know,” he swore to her, brow pressed to hers. “Not while it’s in my power. You’ll never know.”

She nodded and kissed him again, her breath shaking for reasons unrelated to the need in his touch. Her hands roved his body, finger tips slipping between plates, palms over his waist, while her mouth stayed steady on his. But there was no teasing in her touch this time, just devotion so pure it humbled him to receive it.

“Let me show you,” she whispered before kissing him deeply. “Please.”

He nodded, and her kisses drifted down his neck, across his cowl and down his carapace. Every muscle in his body clenched as he finally realized her intention. She stopped and looked up at him, but he was already nodding when her gaze met his. It turned warm and fond, and she settled on her stomach between his legs, pressing a chaste kiss to his hip.

He hadn’t reemerged from his sheath yet, though his plates were still fully relaxed. However, as she started drawing slow designs with her fingertips across his waist, he could already feel the efficacy in her small gestures. The sight of her was transfixing, hypnotic. Every puff of warm breath across his most sensitive skin electrified him.

As she kissed him, an unstoppable moan dropped from his mouth. She smiled up at him and kept at her work, persistent and skilled. Every time after, he swore to himself that he’d exaggerated in his memory how good her mouth felt on him. And every time, she proved him wrong. It took no time at all till he slid out and directly into her waiting mouth. It was so perfect, it seared.

“Shepard,” he moaned, talons gripping the bed underneath him for dear life. She pulled back, giving him a break from the onslaught.

“Too much?” she asked. He looked down and nearly moaned again, shuddering instead. A slight blush had formed over her cheeks, and her hand was resting loosely at his base.

“You have ruined me… for anyone but you… my Queen,” he said in reply.

She smirked. “Good.” You’re mine. And she approached again less directly, slight kisses, gentle passes with her tongue. He willfully surrendered to her, focusing on her touch, her presence.

It always felt an honor to receive such… attention from one such as her. But right now, it felt more a gesture of trust. She could trust him to give her only what she desired. And whole-heartedly, he felt the very same. Her moaning while his length buried as deep as she could take him nearly brought him to his metaphorical knees. He’d follow her anywhere, even to his own blissful end, which she seemed very determined to deliver him to. But perhaps–

He rested a hand on her shoulder, whining at both the sight and feel of her soft mouth sliding up his length. It made his thoughts scatter like sand under a gale wind.

“Together,” he managed, swallowing hard to try and control his roiling subvocals. “I want… together. Please?”

She smiled and kissed his tip, sending one last jolt through his system, before retreating. “Since you asked so nicely.”

He had to literally shake sense back into his head before he could move from where she’d left him. “Come here,” he said, shifting up to his knees and stumbling forward for the effort.

“You alright?” Her voice bobbed in amusement.

“Like I said, you ruined me.” He took her hand and pulled her close, kissing her once, then again for good measure. Then he moved behind her, pulling her back to his front.

“Oh,” she said slowly as he rocked between her thighs. His subvocals sang in agreement. She smelled so good–salt and jasmine and them. She was so warm already. The thought that pleasuring him ignited her in the best way burned up the last of his patience.

He pulled her hair aside and nibbled a kiss to her neck. “I want you,” he breathed against her ear.

“Please,” she whispered back. She guided him inside her, both of them letting out a long slow breath at their joining. His hands roved her body, smoothing across hips and circling her breasts, as he encouraged her to sit back into his lap. They weren’t joined as deeply as before, but this angle always brushed against her most sensitive places with the slightest of movement. An advantage he exploited to immediate benefits.

Rocking together felt more natural than breathing. Her hands intertwined with his, pressing one down between her legs and the other to her breast. He gave her the pressure she desired gladly and continued whispering a low growl in her ear.

“You don’t understand how thoroughly you have ruined me for anyone that isn’t you. I couldn’t want my own kind anymore even if I tried.”

She answered with a wordless cry, her spine undulating in a way that should have been physically impossible and was so alluringly easy for her. Still he kept up the rhythm, subvocals purring at how perfect she felt against him, around him.

“How could anyone measure up after I’ve had you? My Queen… my Commander.”

She shuddered and moaned, a hand reaching back to grip his neck. “Your voice–Gar–General–”

“That’s it, my Queen. Focus on me and let go.” He let loose a subvocal rumble loud enough that she had to hear it. Her answering cry echoed around the tent.

They hadn’t been particularly quiet up to this point, and their involvement was a poorly kept secret. Still, the thought of any guard just outside hearing her right now, knowing what she sounded like in rapture. He caught her mouth with his, swallowing her cry and turning it to whimpers.

“No one but me gets to hear you like this tonight.”

“Yes, Garrus.”

The sound of his real name pleaded so desperately shot straight to his core, immediately imploding. He pressed his brow to hers and circled his fingers on her clit, making her kiss him again to moan in response.

“Garrus–General. General, please. I–”

“I’m here. I’ll always be right here,” he vowed solemnly, meaning it as truly as the Unspoken.

She sobbed, the hand on his neck sliding up to scrape dull nails across the skin under his fringe. He throbbed inside her, his own release having snuck up on him in his focus on her.

“With me?” she asked, her voice tight and desperate.

“Always.”

And with a kiss they fell over the edge together.

It was several minutes later that Garrus opened his eyes to a world made entirely of red hair. The two of them had simply slipped sideways on the bed, still intertwined with each other. Shepard before him was breathing steadily, slowly.

He pressed a kiss to the back of her head. “You alright?”

She nodded. “I need a quick break though,” she said, her words slurring slightly.

“Me too.” He pulled away enough to turn her onto her back and stretched out next to her. For a few minutes, he just admired her face, fingers combing through her hair till it laid flat on the bed.

“How did you make it so much longer?” he asked quietly.

She reached up into her hair and something snapped, then a section of the long hair came out.

“That’s… not yours?” he asked, more than a little bewildered.

“Well, it’s mine in that I own it. But I didn’t grow this hair, no.” She repeated the process a few more times, removing all the pieces from her scalp till just her usual shoulder length hair remained.

“That’s… disturbing.”

“I wanted to be authentic,” she replied with a shrug. “You liked it till you knew.”

He grunted, not wanting to agree, and reached for his long-abandoned bottle. “Speaking of authentic, how did you find actual Aephusian Ale in the middle of a war?”

She turned to her stomach and grinned. “You can find many things when you’re as powerful a queen as I am.”

He laughed and took a sip, savoring the unique flavors of the brew. “Do you want your mead? It’s back on the desk.”

“Yeah, I’ll get it.” She rolled away and hopped up the stairs to her office. He couldn’t help but admire how her curves were highlighted in the low glow from the fishtank and the one candle they’d dared on the coffee table. A slow smile spread across her face when she noticed him staring on her return.

“See something you like?” she purred, kneeling down next to him.

He wrapped an arm around her waist. “I see many things I like.”

She chuckled and sipped her drink, a hand idly stroking along his fringe. A turian could die happy like this, he thought, drinking his ale.

“Anything I can do different?” she asked after a minute. “Should the Queen be more aloof?”

He looked up at her and shook his head. “You’re perfect.”

Her slow smile returned. “You make a damn fine General, Vakarian.”

He chuckled. “Anything for my Queen.” Her smile changed to something more coy, nearly shy. Then he realized– “You like being my Queen, don’t you?”

A pink tint spread across the tops of her cheeks as she refused to look at him, taking another long sip instead. He set his ale down on the floor and sat up to nuzzle a kiss to her neck.

“It’s not so strange, is it?” She let him take her cup away as she continued speaking. “To like having the man you love promise devotion and loyalty… even if it’s just a story?”

He held her hands in his and pressed his forehead to hers, subvocals humming the Unspoken once more. “It’s not all a story,” he whispered. Her eyes opened to meet his. “You know that already, right?”

“Yes. I do.”

“Good.” Not looking away, he pushed her back on the bed and laid down at her side. They found the fit between themselves, arms wrapped around each other. He rested his brow against hers again, eyes shut. “I swear to guard my Commander from harm… and, with either my life or my death, ensure the success of her mission,” he promised in a low voice.

“I love you too,” she whispered back.

When he opened his eyes, they were back in the tent. Jasmine and tempered steel drifted on the soft desert wind. But it was Shepard–his Shepard–who laid in the bed with him. All the tragedies and horrors of their real lives left behind, even if only for a few minutes. Her warm regard shone out through her eyes, not held back but freely offered.

They pulled closer still. Her arms slipped up around his neck, and he lifted her leg over his waist. He kissed her like that for a long while, brushing mandibles over her cheeks to match her movements best he could. No words spoken, but none needed. Just the tempo of her breath told him everything he needed to know.

Slowly yet steadily, they came together. He held her eyes as long as he could, watching every slight expression in her eyes. They were so different, the two of them. And yet he never felt more understood, more Known, than he did when he was with her. She pressed his brow to hers, mouth moving with unspoken words that he felt deeper than his bones. They were unhurried, confident in their destination yet nearly satisfied to never arrive. Following the other in a dance they knew and loved so well at this point. A dance that Garrus quietly hoped would continue for the rest of their long, long lives till they could be buried in each other’s gaze.

Shepard pulled closer still at the end, tucking her face against his neck and tensing before a long shudder ran through her core. A quiet echo of response answered from his center, filling any remaining air between them with a gentle warmth.

They were both quiet for several minutes, still wrapped completely around the other. If he had just a touch less self-control, Garrus might have been content to drift off to sleep just like that. But the evening, while thoroughly enjoyable, had made a bit of a mess.

“We should clean up,” he said quietly, without moving.

“Yes,” came the eventual reply from the area below his chin.

“...We have to move to do that.”

“You move. I’m too fucked to move.”

That made him chuckle and he pulled away, rolling up to standing next to the bed. Shepard groaned and made a weak attempt to pull him back, hand flopping against the bed.

“Well if you can’t walk, let me carry you then, your magnificence, to the royal baths.”

She laughed as he lifted her from the bed and whisked her off to the bathroom. They both grunted as the bright light flipped on when they entered. But the steaming water from the shower soon soothed any sting.

Shepard eventually got down, but still stayed within his arms, very content to let him wash her hair and rub sore muscles. He felt much the same as she returned the favor, cleaning him with a dedicated care that quieted his mind.

“Is there anything like this?” she mused as she shut the water off.

Garrus reached for a towel. “Hm?”

“In the book. Do the General and Queen do anything like this?”

“Oh.” He wrapped the towel around her shoulders as he thought. “There is a scene in a hot spring that’s pretty famous.”

She smiled and wrung out her hair. “Mm. I like hot springs.”

“Me too.”

They fell into the quiet routine of sleep, the late hour finally catching up to both of them. Shepard didn’t speak again till she eased into the bed next to him, under freshly changed sheets.

“So what happens?” she asked as he looped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. “In the book, how does it end?”

He stared at her for a long moment and then answered honestly, grimly. “She sacrifices herself for the good of her people. And though he carries on, he never loves another. How could he?”

Her warm expression dimmed. “That’s… disappointing.”

“That’s turian romance.”

She shook her head and adjusted her fit in his arms, tucking an ankle into his spur. “Let’s change it. She… goes to sacrifice herself for the good of the people. But… he gets there in the nick of time, like always. And together… they win. Go on to have many more adventures and found the new turian empire.”

He smiled and threaded a hand into her hair, eyes drifting shut. “Much better.”

taglist: @me-fish ; @seleenermparis-blog ; @kelenloth ; @ferociousqueak

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “They Will Eat You.”

“RAWR! I am a hungry human and I’m going to eat your face off and wear your skin as a coat!”

“No, stop, you’re scaring me.”

Footsteps and the older Tesraki chases her younger brother into the other room.

He is screaming “Stop! Stop! It’s not funny.”

She pulls to a stop but grins at him, an unnatural facial expression for a tesraki. He squirms away from her, “b-besides. H-Humans don’t eat people.”

She stalks forward, “Oh they don’t do they. Because My teacher told us that humans are MADE to hunt and eat people. They have binocular vision so they can more easily POUNCE!” She lunged for him and he squealed rolling away.

“And they can smell too. They can detect chemicals in the air so like they can probably smell your ear.” She stalked closer, and he backed away.

“No they can’t.” He whined 

She held up her hands, “Oh yes they can, and they have razor sharp claws that they can use to RIP YOU OPEN!” She lunged at him again and he screamed running away.

“Stop.”

She pulled to a halt, “Plus, humans are so fast and strong that they run their prey to death just to mess with them, so even if you try to run away from a human it wont work. And AND they always hunt in packs so you want to get away anyway.” She leaned in closer, “And once they have you, they’ll cut you into little chunks and then light your bits on fire before eating them. Then they’ll take your skin and wear it.”

“MOM!”

“Shhh! I am a human, so if you scream ill bite your throat out with these razor sharp bones that grow through the skin in my mouth.” She raced after him again.

He kept screaming.

“Even if you manage to get away my bite is so dangerous, you’ll get sick and die!” She skidded to a halt with him trapped in the corner, “Plus humans can breathe acid you know.”

“No they can't, you’re just making that up.”

“No, I’m serious. Their bodies produce some of the strongest acid we know of, and they cant regurgitate it.”

“Ewww, please stop.” 

She ignored him, “And with their predatory instincts, they don't hesitate to RIP YOUR HEAD CLEAN OFF!”

He screamed even louder.

“Paxi! What are you doing to your brother?” 

She turned around her large ears drooping in guilt, “Nothing.”

Her father pulled his ears back, “Paxi, stop telling scary stories to your brother. Humans aren’t going to eat him.”

Her ears pulled back, “But my teacher.”

“Your teachers is a paranoid specialist. Need I remind you that it was humans that came in for disaster relief when the earthquake happened, They went into the wreckage and carried the injured out in their arms and on their backs. A lot of humans died that day to save members of our species.”

She frowned and looked at her brother whispering, “They’re strong enough to carry dad over their heads.”

“Paxi stop that. Humans may be a predator species, but they don’t eat aliens, and they certainly don’t rip people open with their teeth. They are too advanced for that. Not to mention that humans are omnivores, which means they are likely to eat more plants and other products than they do meat.” he walked over and picked up her little brother, “Why did you have to do this the day before we go into the city.” He sighed, “honestly paxi, he is going to be scared the entire time.”

She cocked her head, “Why.”

Her father sighed, “Because sometimes humans come to visit the city for trade. The UNSC has a docking station there which means humans SOLDIERS.”

She looked up at her brother, “That means the most dangerous humans.”

He squealed and hid his face.

Her father sighed.

***

He glanced around nervously clutching his mother’s hand. She dragged him along in frustration. He had been like this all day, hyper-vigilant and nervous looking for any sign of a human. Expecting one to pounce at them from the dark corners of an alley.

“Come on Timor. Try to keep up.”

The walked into one of the shops, and he was momentarily distracted by some trinkets left out on the shelves. His sister had gone off with their dad to look at something. His mother sighed, “Alright Timor, just stay here and look at the toys while I go pay for this.”

She walked off and he was left to happily look at the trinkets, when a voice rose up from beside him.

“Hey kid.”

He turned his head confused to find another Tesraki standing close by, “Those are pretty expensive you know.”

He sighed and wilted, “yeah, I know.”

“You know there is a shop just down the way that sells those for really cheap. I bet you'd have enough to buy it yourself.”

He lit up “Really!”  he was proud of the idea, his parents would be so happy that he found a good deal.

“How far away is it?”

“Oh just around the corner, here, I'll show you.” He motioned Timor closer, and the little tesraki followed.

It was just around the corner after all.

Of course about five corners later, and he --too late-- figured out that he did not know how to get back . 

“I thought you said it was just around the corner.” He whined, growing more nervous by the second.

“Don’t worry, it's just here.”  He turned a corner with Timor following, and froze as he found himself in a tight dark alley.

“But where?”

A shadow passed behind him, and he turned his head to see an Iotin standing over him,  its long snakelike body blocking out the sun behind him, “Selling out your own species, Tesraki, that is a new low.”

The tesraki snorted, “I’d sell my own mother for the kind of credits your boss is willing to pay. Those Prodigum have more hunger than they have sense.”

He turned in a wide circle as a burg and some other Tesraki appeared from the shadows. 

He was so scared, he tried to scream, but nothing came out. He tried to Run, But the Iotin caught him by the scruff and lifted him in one hand towards the sky.

“Don’t go running off little Tesraki. You wouldn’t want to spoil our pay, now would you. He tried to squeal again, but no sound came out.

The burg opened a large bag and began approaching.

That is when he heard a deafening roar.

The entire group yelled in surprise as a massive white and black shape leaped past them barreling the Burg to the ground.

The two of them went spinning across stone. When they came to a halt,the burg didn’t move, but the human straightened up and turned to look at them. It blinked one large green eye at them and bared its teeth.

This time Timor did manage to scream as the Iotin dropped him and tried slithering away.

It didn’t get far as it was hemmed in by another tall shape.

Large brown eyes narrowed.

Timor crawled to the side of the alley face hidden behind his hands.

Loud footsteps, and a massive blue shape appeared from around the corner end of the alley. The Drev held three Tesraki in her large arms throwing them flat to the cobbles.

“You should have stayed out of this human.” The Iotin snarled  raising a hand.

A rattling form above alerted Timor to at least ten other figures descending from above.

“Ten to five.” The human said its voice strangely melodic. It made an eerie sort of revving sound deep in it’s chest, “Those odds are almost laughable iotin.”

And then the brawl began

Timor tried to scoot away, but a burg caught sight of him, and thinking he could use the little Tesraki as a hostage, he grabbed for him

And was clobbered right in the side of the head.

It took timor a moment to figure out that it had been a human foot that knocked the Burg in the head.

The human hit the ground rolled and jumped back up again rattling the stone around them.

Timor screamed as a large arm grabbed him about the middle and spirited him off the ground.

The human held him closer pressing the small body tight against his chest as he dodged to the side of another iotan returning the favor with a powerful elbow to the face. He leaped forward rolling and tucking the Timor closer to his chest.

Timor rode out the roll pressed against the human protected from impact by the powerful corded muscle in the human’s chest and back, and the cage afforded to him by the creature’s harder-than-steel bones.

The fight was over almost as soon as it had started.

The human pulled out of the roll in a skid three limbs on the ground, one curled up around Timor.

The blue Drev stood from a crouched position and dusted off her hands, “Well, that was almost laughably easy.

The human that held Timor stood up flexing the muscles in his back and neck, “A pity, I was just getting warmed up.”

And that was when Timor started to cry -- or the tesraki equivalent.”

The human looked down at the little Tesraki large green eye relaxing from it’s narrowed state, “hey, hey, it's alright.”

“P-please d-don’t e-e-eat me/”

To his surprise the human cocked his head in confusion, “Eat you, ew, no. Why Would I want to do that?”

He looked up at the human pulling back his large ears.

The other humans had gathered around them.

“B, but my sister s-said that-”

One of the other humans laughed, “Your sister was trolling you kid. We don’t eat Tesraki.”

The human bared its teeth again, and Timor shied away, “You’re gonna rip my throat out with your face bones.”

More weird noises from the humans. The one eyed human made a face, “Gross. Why would I want to do that. Human’s don’t bite unless it's a self defense kid.” he opened his mouth, “See not razor sharp.”

The tesraki peered up at him and was surprised to find that…. Yeah while the human’s teeth were comparably sharp to other species, they were also….kind of lame.”

He examined them a bit closer.

“So… you’re not hunting for food?”

The human snorted, “Why hunt for food when Ican buy a bagel from a street cart.” He motioned back to the groaning bodies.” he motioned towards the groaning bodies on the ground, “We were hunting, but not for food.”

“You aren’t going to eat them.”

The human made a face, “Not if you paid me. “Now where are your parents.”

Timor began to cry again, “I don’t know.”

“Its ok,we’ll help you find them.” The human patted the tesraki on the head with his large hand.” The gesture was actually very soothing, and the human was warm. If what he was saying was true, than he felt very safe.

No one was going to mess with him if he had a pack of humans.

“Sunny,” He motioned to the Drev and then to the downed aliens, “Take out the trash will you.” The Drev lifted her head with a nod.

Timor looked up at the human as they walked from the alley. “Do you breathe acid.”

The human looked down at him with a bemused expression, “DoI do what? No…. well” he paused, “Not because I want to, and not in the fun way. Just…. No.”

Timor looked at him confused, “Where are your claws? Did someone cut them off?”

The human shook his head and held up a hand, “Nope, all i’ve got are fingernails.” 

“Do you wear the skin of your enemies as clothing?”

“What! No I….” The human paused glancing down at the black jacket he was wearing. IT had a shiny sort of sheen to it.

Timor began to get very nervous.

The human shook his head, “No of course we don’t do that.”

He continued to ask questions, and was surprised to find that most of it wasn’t true at all. The human was actually very nice and helpful and empathetic and concerned, and he let Timor sit on his shoulders so he could better see above the crowd, “See them yet?” The human asked. Timor stood halfway, holding onto the human’s hair to get a better look.

The human tilted his head about the same time that Timor heard it.

“Timor! TIMOR! Where are you!”

“TIMOR!”

“That’s them!” He exclaimed.

Before he could direct the human further, the creature turned and began following the noise.

The voices grew louder, and finally he saw them frantically pushing through the crowd and calling his name.

“i’M HERE.” he shouted waving his hands and nearly falling before the human grabbed him.

“Timor!” His parents screamed in unison Pushing through the crowd and stopping dead in their tracks staring up at the human with wide eyes. HIs sister Paxi squealed and hid behind her parents.

He waved at them from his perch atop the human’s shoulders.

“It’s ok. He doesn't eat Tesraki.”

The human lifted Timor from his shoulders and set him down allowing him to run to his parents.

His father worked his jaw for a  moment before finding the words, “I suppose…. Thanks are in order.’

“Don’t thank me,but I'll watch him a bit more closely. Looks like slaves had lured him away.”

“Slavers!”

The human nodded gravely, “We caught them,and they are being detained, but I would still be careful.”

Timor ignored the adult conversation and pointed to the human looking at his sister, “This is my human friend Adam, and if you are mean to me again, he’s going to make you into boots.” 

The human turned and frowned having heard him, “No one is getting turned into boots.” He turned back to Timor’s parents, “Anyway I should get going. Keep an eye on him.”

“Yes of course.” As the human was turning, they held out a hand, “What’s your name…. Who do we have to thank.”

The human glanced over his shoulder and waved a hand, “Don’t thank me. Thank the UNSC.”

And then he vanished into the crowd.

[marshthat]

My Jedi master Eeth Koth headcanons!

Eeth Koth has been my comfort charcter for quite a long time, and still is now (and I hope still will be in the future also, bc I cant imagine me existing without my love for Eeth anymore).

So, I've decided to share my most prominent master Koth headcanons that I've accumulated at this point

As promised, I'm posting only general ones, without any specific implied pairings or other relationships!

note: (due not so much info about Eeth in Canon and Legends (unforgivably little actually), maaaaybe I'm projecting some of my own mental stuff on him, but eh, this is unevitable I guess :)

Have fun reading these!

1. Change of the profile

In his youth, Eeth was a Jedi Guardian, a.k.a "Jedi-on-the-front-line", and carried a blue lightsaber. But after the death of his master, followed by him joining the High Council, Eeth calmed down his inner rambo and changed his profile to a Jedi Consular. And so he chose a path of a diplomat, built a green lightsaber (with a hilt very similar to his dead master's one, as a remembrance) and eventually became famous in the Jedi Order exactly for his ability to resolve conflicts peacefully. (that's why no big missions on his part before the Clone Wars era apart from his participation in the Yinchorri incident)

2. The acceptance issue

Eeth pays a lot of attention to his appearance: carefully brushes his hair, makes sure his clothing is perfect, and so on.

Some consider this a simple whim, but in fact this will to have an ideal appearance is a consequence of some issues Koth now has because of his difficult childhood. Due to the fact that Eeth spent his first four years as a ragged orphan in the filthy slums of Nar Shaddaa, he sometimes feels as if he doesn't deserve to be in such a clean and nice place as the Coruscant Jedi Temple. (And the fact that his membership in the Order at first caused a lot of controversy among the Council masters only worsened this fear)

That is why Eeth tries his best to always look as perfect as possible - to be suitable for the beauty of the Temple and to not feel himself a stranger in its walls.

3. Long meditation hours and self-reflecting

He does meditate on his issues quite often, in order to get rid of every irrational fear he has, like the one described in the previous headcanon. Usually he does that in the evening, after all the tasks are completed - he gives himself time to reflect on what happened during the day, what he did and said and how the others reacted. This does help, but still some thorns can be very hard to get out of his hearts. His favourite meditation place is his own quarters in the Temple, where he can have a nice view on the evening/night Coruscant, which is somehow more relaxing to him than the gardens in the Room of Thousand Fountains.

4. A little peek into the apartment

Eeth’s master-quarters in the Temple are decorated with effort and thought. The most significant part are the long heavy thick and soft curtains, that, if closed, take all the light in the room away, leaving the nice pleasant semidarkness atmoshphere. Also Eeth has a lot of various cushions around the whole apartment, along with an enormous supply of aroma candles! 

5. The tragedy of the Padawan

Eeth's first and only Padawan learner was Sharad Hett.

Sharad's will to quit the Order deeply hurt Eeth, even if he didn't say that out loud, as he put a lot of effort and dedication in his promise to be the best master possible for Sharad. Also he lowkey agreed with the accusations of other masters telling him he was responsible for Sharad's departure because Koth failed as a teacher - so he does feel himself guilty of failing both Sharad and the Order.

After the Hett's incident, he actually vowed to himself not to take any more Padawan learners, so as not to let anyone's expectations down again. (And, like master Saesee Tiin, chose to put his efforts into other fields rather then teaching)

(these panels still hurt me somehow qwq 

Sharad made Eeth cry, for kriffs sake!)

6. But he's still very friendly to kids

Despite the unpleasant exprienece with his own Padawan, he did let go of his initial frustration and now he is quite happy to give younglings and young padawans some general lessons! Also sometimes he takes other masters' students to group trainings or supervises them during the Trials of Knighthood. And young Jedi do love master Koth a lot - because he's soft and very patient, and does allow them some liberties :)

7. The social butterfly

Eeth is a "social butterfly" or a "caretaker" (ESFJ mbti-type)

He is used to being among a large number of people, but even though it seems that he gathers these people around him, in fact this is not true - his natural charm and outgoing personality allow him to easily make new acquaintances, interact with friends and encourage conversations, but he more follows his more assertive companions, adapts his behavior and words to them in order to create the most comfortable atmosphere possible, than directs them himself.

In other words, he offers the fun, but enjoys more the others' reactions to it, than the fun itself!

8. Sweet tooth!

Eeth LOVES sweet things! He generally likes all sorts of sweets, starting with various desserts and finishing with sugary tropic fruits. (Gaining weight? Naaah, the zabraks physiology allows him to consume a lot of food because of the higher metabolism due to the zabraks having two hearts. And also he does a lot of physical exercise in the training halls. So it's not a problem at all!)

9. And he is sweet himself too

This love for sugary things is not only for sweet treats actually, but also for the scents of cosmetics too! (And he does use a lot of that stuff). That is why Eeth usually smells of something nice, either caramel, or vanilla, or fruity etc.

This is often favorited by his colleagues on the Council, who definitely enjoy the pleasant aroma Eeth always brings with him to the Council meetings.

10. Energy drinks!

He got badly used to them during the Clone Wars era, because he really needed an additional energy resource when staying up all night brushing through various diplomatic documents and strategy plans. Caf wasn't much of a help because it just turned out to be not strong enough for the zabrak, so he eventually replaced it with cheap but more effective sweet energy drinks. It doesn't really matter to him which drinks to buy exactly, but the meiloorun-flavoured ones are among his favourites.

11. Form of lightsaber combat

Form III - Soresu!

I actually did a separate essay analyzing why Eeth’s form of combat is definitely Soresu, but if keeping brief: he uses Soresu mixed with some Ataru moves. Ataru was his initial style, advised by his master due to Eeth’s small complexion and natural agility & flexibility, but after changing his Jedi profile to a Consular he also adopted the main Consulars’ style - Soresu (usually called “the diplomat style”, “the most peaceful among the seven'' etc.). Koth’s Soresu moves can clearly be seen in the “Grievous Intrigue” episode in particular. Also Koth’s stance in the "Intrigue" is different from the famous Kenobi's "point-fingers" thingy simply because Eeth's pose is not an opening Soresu stance, but the brace-ready stance, which in Soresu is described as “having much in common with the "Ataru guard," with the hilt held at waist height on the dominant side in a two-handed grip for greater control, extended vertically upwards”

12. The double-bladed saber

Eeth wields a double-bladed saber almost as well as a regular one.

And in fact, it was Darth Maul who has inspired Eeth to try this kind of a weapon - after the High Council sent him to lead the investigation on the question of a zabrak sith on Naboo in 32 bby, he got genuinely interested in the possible perks of two blades in his Soresu and eventually mastered the double-bladed saber on quite a level. But he still sees this only as an interesting training option, but nothing more. So the double-bladed saber stays in the Temple and is used only in the Training Halls, but never on the battlefield.

13. An earring (yes, in the singular form)

Eeth has one of his ears pierced (right one), and he actually has several different earrings, mostly simple, like basic metal rings, which he usually picks every morning according to his mood. But to be honest, this earring thing is purely only for himself - because you can’t really see his ears under his usual three-ponytails hairstyle.

Though, he did abandon wearing earrings during the Clone Wars era - because since the war began and the potentially dangerous missions became more frequent, it wasn’t really a right place and time for such things, especially knowing that the Separatists can use some specific traps (like the ones they used to magnetize Jedi lightsabers on Lola-Sayu). The prospect of losing the whole ear due to such a trap is not the most pleasant one indeed.

14. HUGS (and other tactile activities)

Eeth very very VERY much loves hugs!

And for him, tactile contacts are more than just a way to feel comfortable - for him it's a vital part of the whole communication process. This issue dates back to his master, Kosul Ayada, who was a herglic (a race that is actually not very good at speaking Galactic Basic), and therefore helped himself with gestures and body language. And spending a lot of time around master Ayada, Eeth also got used to supporting his verbal dialogue by body language and tactile contact.

That is why while speaking Eeth actively gestures, grabs the other's hands, squeezes shoulders etc. And the hugs are his way to express sympathy and also to feel safe and appreciated!

15. Driving skills

Master Koth can drive, and actually quite well. And by driving I mean not spaceships, but smaller things that stay on land, like speeders.

And because he is a diplomat who often attends various meetings with senators and ambassadors, he also has a personal speeder, allocated to him by the Order for the ease of attending senator events and other diplomatic ocasions.

(But he does use it for other personal purposes too, because why not to, if there is an opportunity)))

(A panel of Eeth casually driving a speeder like a damn pro is one of my fav Eeth comics crumbs,,,,,,)

16. Singing

Eeth enjoys singing! But he usually keeps this thing to himself, making the quiet manthra-like singing a part of his meditative prep - it helps him to settle down his tangly thoughts a bit and tune his mind and body for the actual meditation.

(the hc was inspired by Hassani Shapi’s singing in one of his films, because Shapi’s voice is really beautiful and I’m sad they didn’t give him even a single line in the Phantom Menace when filming Koth’s Council scene)

17. Space soap operas...? (not so serious, sometimes treated as crack, but sometimes not)

Koth (secretly) likes soap operas on the late-night HoloNet, and often stays up to watch a new episode of something before going to bed. His favourite series is called “Lekkus of love” (my imaginary in-universe show I usually use in my sw writings) and it's about a twi’lek girl’s life, filmed in the style of our “Magnificent Century”, with lots of romantic intrigues and twists.

18. LOTS of feelings

Referencing the previous one - Eeth is very emotional, actually! Yes, he’s a Jedi and he knows how to keep his mind clear, but he’s still sensitive enough to actually cry over sad episodes of "Lekkus…" because “Poor Ai’sha, she worked so hard to get her man’s attention, but he still chose that togruta girl? This is outrageous, this is unfair! :ccc”

Also this can be in fact explained biologically. He's a zabrak, and zabraks are supposed to have a hot, blazing, higly-emotional nature (to match their home planet, Iridonia, wich is also boiling with acid seas and all that - otherwise they won't survive)

19. Podracing as a favourite sport

Eeth enjoys podracing. He first got into it back on Nar Shaddaa, when he heard a lot about racing and stuff from smugglers and bounty hunters (and at that time he even dreamed of becoming a cool podracer - but that was of course before he was taken to the Temple).

Now he doesn't dream of podracing that much, but still can and actually does enjoy watching annual championships via HoloNet. He also tries to keep in touch with the latest news in the podracing world (that interest he shares with the young Anakin Skywalker, and they do sometimes occasionally discuss podracing when they both have free time)

20. Horns

Eeth doesn’t really trust droids with trimming his horns, so he usually does that by himself, in the freshener, and that always takes a while. Also unlike a lot of male iridonian zabraks, who prefer to keep the tips of their horns comparatively sharp as a sign of their brutality and masculinity, Eeth chooses to make the tips humbly rounded and smoothed.

21. A pet? (Also not so serious - but sometimes it IS the most serious hc!)

Eeth has a pet loth-cat! The loth-cat is a she-cat, and she's big, fluffy and always on her own mind. Agen Kolar sometimes points out that the loth-cat is very similar to her owner in a lot of little things, like the way the cat purrs when being hugged and how she is obsessed with being clean and ideal too.

The loth-cat is also a bit jealous of her owner’s attention, so she will every time make herself comfortable on his knees when Eeth is meditating or working with documents to show that this is HER man. (especially when smb comes over to Eeth’s apartment - that's the case when she just NEEDS to state who’s the real boss here).

22. Participation in the first battle of Geonosis

I headcanon that Eeth was not directly on the Petranaki Arena actually during the first battle of Geonosis in the AOTC. Since he's not on-screen in that symbolic circle of survivors but is still stated as a participant, I assume that instead of being a part of the main group, Eeth joined Yoda on his trip to Kamino. Maybe not directly on the planet but still somewhere there, helping to gather clone legions to guide them to Geonosis.

(p.s. I know that Eeth's on-screen absence is because of Shapi being replaced with another actor and the new character turning out not at all alike to TPM Koth, but this little hc actually kinda fixes the hole without ruining anything…?))

[cottoncandyjester]

You know that scene from The Addams family where Gomez is kissing Morticia's arm? That's Monday with Ernesto, at least while they're alone, he is not a big fan of PDA.

I feel like Monday would get comfortable with Ernesto pretty quickly mainly because Ernesto doesn't want to take off his clothes every minute, that means sometimes Monday makes him some blunt questions like "Does it bothers you that I'm not attractive?" Or "Am I boring to you?", Monday thinks he is a good leader but when it comes to his appearance or overall personality he thinks he is pretty unattractive.

Tuesday has a lot of patience, he explains to Jinx calmly that he needs him to stop so he can finish, and that when he is over they can talk until Jinx gets bored, Tuesday is quiet most of the time.

Tuesday gives Jinx some tea to help him relax a little, while he talks as much as he wants, he is gentle with Jinx, he understand that is mostly a curious guy trying to meet him.

He 100% asks Jinx to teach him the things he knows about medicine so he can take good care of his men.

Wednesday gets angry when Dante hurts Sully, so if he does Wednesday doesn't talk to him.

From Monday to Sunday everyone tells Dante "You're trapped now", he is a pretty intense guy, asking him for attention and kisses.

Lots of pretty dates too, he gets all dress up and takes Dante to the prettiest places, Wed tells him how handsome he looks.

Idk why but I can see Wednesday getting angry seeing Dante with someone a little too close to him, so he makes him wear a collar and a leash tugging at it when Dante gets too far, probably calms down with kisses and praises.

Thursday loves Luis' reactions, he is so pretty, he loves to have an arm around Luis waist at random moments and get really close while explaining the games.

He brags about Luis all the time, he sits Luis on his lap while talking to the others "When was the last time you got a hot guy like Luis in your lap?" Kissing Luis neck or saying how he shouldn't be shy because he is adorable.

If Luis ever lets Thursday see his violent personality he is like "Huh, well I guess I got two hot dudes now, well let's get some food, baby, come here take my hand" he is so chill with it??.

Friday picks Antonio up to have a nap together or cook together, he is actually pretty good at cooking, if he is feeling a little more inspired he even makes a whole dinner for Antonio.

Oh he holds Antonio's hand randomly too, is his way to show he likes Toni without talking because sometimes talking is too tiresome, you know?.

Saturday being a little asshole would laugh at Fritz, "I don't think you can last more than a minute".

When they fuck THE MINUTE it's over Saturday sits and goes "I got some constructive criticism" and talks about EVERYTHING he thinks Fritz need to be better at, and gives him a score "4/10 do your best with the next person you fuck with", he is so annoying I love him, but I feel like Fritz hates him.

Sunday dies the moment Sully says something in italian to him, he gets so nervous, he is thankful for his clown makeup so Sully cant see how flustered he got.

Talking about that a little sad thing is that Sully never gets to see Sunday out of his pierrot costume, he is too insecure to show himself without makeup and costume, what if he is too skinny, or too pale and Sully things he looks nasty, like he is sick or something, he couldn't take that.

While they aren't working everyone but Sunday uses street clothes, at least when he is around Sully and the other gang.

Ernesto would be so red whenever monday does that, like it’s been years since someone decided to smother that man in kisses he doesn’t know how to act but to blush and chuckle.

Ernesto would definitely feel a little worried to take monday to bed and start to question if the male would even enjoy so he’ll definitely wouldn’t be ripping his clothes off anytime soon

His worry would turn into insecurities like what if he’s not good in bed anymore? It’s been a hot minute for or what if monday isn’t really attracted to men like Ernesto he has a bit of a dad bod. These thoughts only amplify when monday asks those bold questions.

He’s like “fuck, did I make you feel like this? I’m sorry.” He’s going straight into pampering mode shoving all other thoughts aside to reassure monday that he’s very attractive and that he loves just being with him.

Congratulations Tuesday has now obtained a pet cat, no take backs. Jinx likes the tea Tuesday gives him and decides to share with him which is surprising since jinx is territorial with his things. He’ll give Tuesday things he himself likes like spicy cinnamon candy and his stuffed animal to watch over for him. I feel like the moment he tries to give Tuesday some of his animals preserved in jars that’s when it gets a little weird but he’ll just creep up to Tuesday while he’s working and just put the jar on the table standing there like “I caught and preserved this for you..” like he has no idea what to do to show others affection so those are ways he does it.

He’ll happily show Tuesday different things in exchange for attention and head pats(and cinnamon candy).

Dante definitely has women(and men) around him a lot so whenever Wednesday gets jealous he of course if trying to relax him with hugs and kisses.

Dante would definitely be surprised at the collar, he would even be a bit embarrassed and challenge Wednesday just a bit with the collar not realizing how he kinda likes when Wednesday yanks the leash. He’ll definitely smother Wednesday with affection showing that he doesn’t need anyone but him. He’s not used to people being this clingy though so he isn’t sure how to handle it, a part of him adores it so much that he loves seeing Wednesday jealous it’s such an attractive thing to him but the other part of him loves being this player but he’ll definitely simmer down on his player personality since he really likes Wednesday.

Luis loves how accepting Thursday is and even warns him many times being like “I’m a lot of baggage, I would hate for you to get attached” but when he realized that Thursday isn’t going anywhere he slowly gets more comfortable with him from introducing and talking to him about his alters who all likes Thursday(except caligo but caligo doesn’t trust anyone)

They slowly feel more and more comfortable with Thursday and more open with their feelings and affection. Luis would do small things like immediately sit in his lap whenever they see him or shyly ask for a kiss. The moment he does get a kiss he clearing his throat and turning away face burning red as he nervously fixes his glasses. This poor virgin gets embarrassed about hand holding so more intimate stuff makes him all flustered though he’ll slowly gain more confidence the longer he’s around Thursday

Antonio will definitely adore Friday’s cooking and will be so happy in his own special way. He’ll also adore naps since he gets tired from all the stuff he deals with from doing several hits a day to following Ernesto around at times as protection. To deal with that stress he’ll spend hours working out in his room usually using his punching bag to get all so when he sees Friday he seems really tired.

Antonio would probably rather watch Friday sleep instead of actually sleep, just petting his hair or hugging him close. Antonio doesn’t really sleep a lot, so he’ll totally go take a nap with Friday and sometimes he’ll wait for him to sleep and just lay there letting him sleep. He would adore those silent moments they share just holding hands or silently showing affection for Antonio it’s soft touching like rubbing his back, thigh or arm just being gentle and loving which he isn’t really used to but he likes it he’s so used to being an emotionless protector that having those soft moments makes him feel normal

Fritz and Saturday are so amusing lol I just know the moment fritz gets criticism from Saturday he’s pissed just angrily grumbling about how Saturday is an annoying little shit, but he would still take his advice. He’ll want to show Saturday that he took his advice and once again tries to get him into bed

It’s been a while since someone put him in his place though so that’s exciting, fritz actually likes the raging a little bit it keeps his blood pumping. Sure he’ll claim he hates Saturday but he also likes to annoy him to get him to get into an argument with him.

Sully is quite sad that he can’t see Sunday without his makeup wondering if he isn’t comfortable with him to do that, he’ll of course never push him into him but he’ll constantly give him praise and compliments hoping to convince him one day to wear street clothes.

Sully can’t judge too much though cause he never wears comfortable clothes around Sunday it’s also vey fashionable clothes. Like he’ll refuse to let Sunday see him when he doesn’t look “perfect”

Sully’s makeup has to be perfect his eyeliner has to be absolutely dazzling and his skin must look clear. The thought of Sunday seeing him in his natural state kinda scares him since his natural state is his hair messy, bags under his eyes wearing sweatpants—he would die of embarrassment and would feel so ugly if Sunday saw him like that.