#and feeling just so sad bc this is all I want for dean and Cas just to like

[wigglebox]

Uncensored 💡❕

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Ugh. Supernatural fans will write fanfics about Dean Winchester that are so heart shattering it tricks me into thinking I should rewatch Supernatural.

[perseephoneee]

adventures in catsitting (castiel x reader)

a/n: basically i just had this thought of castiel catsitting my cat (her name is Butters, and yes, she's featured in this fic) and it made my brain go all mushy bc i just love him so much. anyway.

masterlist | let me ship you with your fav characters | join my taglist

Watching a cat shouldn’t be too hard, for all intents and purposes. Watching your cat, earning your favor, well that would just be a bonus. Unfortunately, Castiel doesn’t understand cats that much.

“Okay, that should be about it,” you said, hands on your hips as you looked at the angel next to you. He was carefully analyzing all the different things you laid out on the counter: toys, food, meds, etc. “Any questions?”

“She eats baby food? Not cat food?” Castiel clarified, pointing to the turkey Gerbers still in its twelve-pack on the counter.

“Well, she’s a baby, and it’s better for her stomach,” you chuckled.

“I thought she was a grown cat,” Castiel says, confused. He looks over at said cat, a stocky cream-colored Persian you referred to as Butters. To him, she seemed to be full-grown.

“Every cat is just a little baby, even when they’re grown,” you give Butters a scratch behind her ears, and she lets out a meep sound reminiscent of what you dub ‘a sad trumpet.’ Castiel still looks confused. “Never mind….will you be okay? It’s just for two days while I finish this case.”

“I will be sufficient,” Castiel almost puffs out his chest at this.

"Great! You're the best, Cas," you pat his arm, grabbing your duffel bag and leaving out the front door. Castiel stands still briefly before looking at the fluffy creature beside him. Wide yellow eyes peer up at him, blinking. He looks back at the detailed paper you wrote, ensuring he got everything. He wanted to make sure he did his best.

It was around night that Castiel started to worry. He had entertained Butters for a sufficient time, then sat with her on the couch while she watched a movie. (You said that she liked Finding Nemo, so Castiel put it on. He found the movie to be strangely sad). It was her dinner time, and Castiel had put out a scoop of baby food as required, except that it had been hours, and she wasn't eating it. She was sitting on the couch, letting out gentle purrs and seeming fine. Still, Castiel was concerned. He decided to call Dean for answers.

"I think something is wrong with the cat," Cas said into the phone. "It won't eat its dinner. It's just sleeping."

"I'm sure it's fine," Dean sighed, obviously not wanting to be a part of this conversation.

"If there's something wrong with the cat--"

"Cats are weird. They don't always follow set schedules," Dean groaned, feeling agitated. He took a second before responding. "Is it fine otherwise?"

"...Yes."

"Then the cat is fine," Dean replied. "Call me when something actually useful pops up."

Dean hung up, and Castiel looked back towards the cat. It had woken up, blinking its eyes at the angel. It let out another meep, tucking its paws underneath it. Castiel gave it a pat on the head.

"Your food is over there," Cas pointed towards the food bowl. Butters just meeped again. "I just told you where your food was." Another meep. "I don't understand."

Butters, eventually exasperated, got up and jumped off the couch, walking over to Cas. She rubbed against his pant legs, walking back and forth and making more noises. Castiel gave her a few pets, showing a small smile when she responded happily to his ministrations. She rolled over, showing her belly, and Castiel gave it a few hesitant strokes. Eventually, Butters grew tired and walked over to her food bowl. The angel let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

You came home after two days, finding your cat and your angel sitting on the couch watching Luca on the TV. Both of them looked equally enraptured. 

“You survived,” you smiled, earning Castiel's attention. He turned towards you with soft blue eyes, and your heart skipped a beat. 

“It meows a lot,” Castiel stated, looking toward the feline companion beside him. She let out a meep in response. 

“She has lots of opinions,” you chuckle, walking over and giving a big squish to your cat. She purrs happily, even letting you boop her nose. Cas looks at you both fondly. Without really sparing a second thought, you leaned over, kissing Castiel’s cheek and enjoying when a red flush coated his face. “You’re the best, Castiel.”

Cas sat there for a minute, even after you’d gone to the kitchen for some water, even after he couldn’t feel your lips on his cheek anymore. All he could think was that if catsitting meant getting a kiss, he’d have to catsit for you more often.

[via-l0ve]

Thank you so much for doing my request. I loved it. Could please write abt the Spn boy when they like the reader but reader is dating someone else who they are very happy with. I'm in the mood for angst.

I Love You, So (Please, let me go) {SPN pref!} ❤️‍🩹

a/n: i love angst. unrequited love is so great but i hate it but i love it lolol. hope you enjoy babes!! (title is a song lyric from ‘I Love You So’ by The Walters!) (also i didn’t include crowley bc all i could think about was him killing the s/o LMFAOOO so i decided to not)

warnings: angst, overall sadness lol, drinking/alcohol

Dean:

i think it would be hard for him to accept and grasp

he’d try and distract himself with one night stands with other women, knowing he’d leave them in the morning or in the dead of night

every time he’d see your s/o and you he’d die a little inside

he really thinks he could treat you so much better

he’d flirt with you but you’d shrug it off as just playful interaction and it would be really sad for him to see

but he dosent want to ruin your relationship

if anyone knows how hard the hunter life can be - it’s dean

he’d give anything to have a ‘normal’ life

it just sucks that he can’t have it with you </3

Sam:

sam tries to be unbothered

he gets jealous though

he sees your partner touch you so innocently and his blood boils

but he tries to keep his cool

for your sake

if your partner ever made you upset he would get so protective

always taking your side fr

even if it’s over something dumb or even if you’re CLEARLY in the wrong

sammy will side with you

it really does break his heart though

i think deep down he’d think it’s a good thing bc he’s definitely got some deep rooted trauma from all of his past lovers dying so gruesome

so even though he’s literally heartbroken he’ll deal with it bc he sees that you’re happy

but he daydreams about you and what it would be like to grow old together </3

Castiel:

i don’t think cas would totally get it

but i think he’d understand that he couldn’t make any moves on you

he’d be frustrated

it’s not only bad that he’s feeling this way for a human, let alone a human who can’t even feel the same way about him :(

he wishes he could’ve met you before your partner

you’ll catch him staring at you

he talks about you

too much for it to be normal

just simple things

“did you know how much y/n likes *insert thing*?”

“i watched this television clip and it reminded me of y/n.”

everything reminds him of you

he just wants to be close to you and as important to you as you are to him :(

[ezra-editss]

My thoughts about the parallels and differences between season 6 destiel and season 12 (episode 19) destiel:

It's interesting because Dean changed/had character development and Cas didn't really, I guess.

Dean was mad and honestly had a right to be, (not saying I don't understand Cas here) but he still initiated. I think the cassette made him feel like something ended/changed. He was the one to stop Cas from leaving the room, because he was scared to lose Cas again. And he was probably tired of the fighting. I really like the way he explained why he's mad, that he was worried and Cas can't do that like that. He also has a point, Cas could've just said: "I'm in heaven, will answer you later" and it would've been fine.

I'm also thinking a lot about how Dean, in both cases, either doesn't get really mad or the anger doesn't hold for long.

In season 6 Cas was more initiating and tried to make Dean understand.

I think that Cas wanted things to be good with Dean, but didn't know what to do and the cassette was a sorta "see you soon," but also a way to see him one more time.

Cas reasoning for betraying them made not a lot of sense to me tho. I think they just wanted to get to that point and decided to run with the same reason as season 6. In season 6, it made sense. Cas was desperate to find a solution and wanted to leave Dean in peace. Even when his actual reason for that was "don't wanna ask him for more" which was obviously ridiculous (not in a "bad writing" way, in the sense that it's actually really sad bc Cas did so much for them), but I guess for Cas, Dean changed him and helped him to experience feelings and he doesn't know how to ever give that back.

Anyways, I think after all the shit that resulted from it, Cas wouldn't pull that again. I feel like it would make more sense, if Cas would trust Dean's judgment more than his own. And they've been over the "I don't want you to get involved for your safety." They've said so many times, they're gonna go through this together. Dean literally said it IN THAT EPISODE

Btw I'm still so confused how Cas found the Colt istg. Does he know Dean that well, he knew Dean would have it in his bed? nobody knew except Dean, HOW TF DID HE FIND IT?? And are they trying to tell me that Cas got it while he was in the room WITH Dean, because they make it sound like that and like no fucking way.

(Ignore my grammar please, it's 2am and English isn't my first language😭)

[angelsdean]

thinking abt this ask some more and well, it also all boils down to dean is not john because dean is not john.

dean is his own person with different life experiences and trauma and morals and agency. yes dean learned and internalized some things from john, and learned to filter most of his emotions into anger bc anger was a safer emotion to express under john's roof than fear or sadness.

but dean literally IS NOT john. he's dean. and crucially he is a victim of john, who was Thee angry man in the house. john is the first person he learned pain and shame and anger and self-hatred from. and dean has not been able to properly unpack or cope with those early experiences or any of the other traumatic events that follow. for nearly 40 years. PLUS 40 years of hell trauma. and still !! still !! dean tries to do better. he apologizes and he expresses his regret for past actions and even his worst actions are rooted in love and a need to protect. he most often acts out of fear, worry, and/or grief. as cas said, the good and the bad, everything he has done has been for love. he fears jack and is angry at jack during widowers arc because he loved cas so much and does not yet know jack is good and can be trusted. his reaction is understandable. we as the audience see and receive more information than the characters. dean has every right to be fearful and wary.

but anyways. back to dean and john. widower's arc IS meant to draw that parallel between them. we're supposed to see dean echoing john. we're supposed to feel john's ghost acting through dean. but we are also meant to see where they diverge. dean does not become obsessed with revenge. he does not go on a quest to get cas back (despite how much he wants him back) and abandon everyone else. he even starts to come around to jack, even before cas gets back.

then, there's john and his own complicated trauma. and i do feel some empathy and sadness for him. but his trauma is notably different from dean's, and that's why dean garners more of my empathy, compassion, and forgiveness.

john felt abandoned after his father's disappearance and then internalizes those abandonment issues and those unresolved feelings fester into anger. then john enlists illegally in the military chasing his father's ghost. in the military he experiences more trauma. but he did choose to go into the military. it's different from dean being forced to be a soldier and weapon for his father from a young age. john was 17 ? when he enlisted and did so of his own free will (as much free will as you can have being one of chuck's blorbos but still, you get what i'm saying), while dean never had a choice, and by the time he had the choice to leave he'd already been guilt tripped into staying by john and also had very few connections outside of the winchester family unit. IF dean were to leave john (after sam left) he'd be largely alone because john never let them forge connections and relationships. john purposely kept them isolated from others, which is a tactic of abuse. finally, john loses mary which exacerbates his preexisting issues, anger, and trauma. losing mary was not the catalyst that turned john "bad" it was just an accelerator added to the fire that had been slow-burning for years.

so yes, both john and dean have abandonment issues regarding their fathers, except john's are based on a perceived abandonment that he lets become a deep anger and propel his actions re: joining the military. whereas dean is literally abandoned and neglected repeatedly and often throughout his childhood which leads to a lot of unresolved fear and anxiety regarding losing people and people leaving him. cas dying during widower's arc and losing mary at the same time too (and crowley!) definitely triggers those deep seated fears and anxieties. dean also just as trauma surrounding death bc of mary. dean, like john, also has trauma surrounding being a soldier and having to kill people. however, john chose that path (and then later chose hunting) while dean had that life thrust upon him. (the first time he's handed a gun he is six years old and his father believes he somehow has a "killer instinct"). finally, dean, like john, loses cas who is yes mary-coded during widower's arc and he is left with a child. however, unlike john, this child is also an extremely powerful being whom dean knows nothing about except the fact that he is the biological son of lucifer. he also believes jack manipulated cas and got him killed. people will parallel jack to sam in this instance but john likely had no idea sam was infected with demon blood until much later after years of research and following azazel's trail. so early on, john's neglect and mistreatment of sam and dean cannot be blamed on john being afraid of sam or something like that. john IS afraid of the world though. he's paranoid as all heck and that fuels a lot of his actions. but dean is not wrong in this case for being wary of jack. he has every right to be afraid, it's just that his fear, coupled with grief, ends up being expressed as anger. the same may be true for john in those early years, but eventually, john lets his anger and need for vengeance consume him and he prioritizes the hunt over his children. as he says in 1x22, "killing this demon comes first. before everything." dean wants cas and mary and crowley back, but he doesn't put it before everything. he doesn't turn away from sam or jack to pursue that quest.

dean is not john because dean is dean. he doesn't see the world as black and white as john did. he still has fears and trauma that when triggered have him reverting to old, ingrained habits, but most often, he wants to do good and help people. he cares about his family and wants them to be safe and alive. sometimes he will go to extremes to make sure that happens. but his actions are always rooted in love and care. cas saw him as a being of love. as more than what john tried to make him. more than a blunt instrument. more than a weapon for heaven and hell. more than chuck's favorite toy. dean is dean. and that's why cas loves him. and that's why *i* love him.

[loserchildhotpants]

a little destiel drabble written for @atomicteaparty who posited (and im paraphrasing here) ‘what if Dean never hugged Cas after Lucifer stabbed him and he came back? he’d be really hot and cold w Cas bc he rationally thinks he should push Cas away to protect himself from ever being so hurt and lost again but also he gets pissy when Cas DOES pull away, so Cas is getting a lot of mixed signals and is secretly and quietly just v sad that Dean hasn’t hugged him - but then ofc something goes wrong on a hunt, and Dean sees a flash from far away or something and he thinks it was Cas’ Grace being burned out again and he rushes to him and Dean hugs him for like half an hour straight’

i took some creative liberty but here have a drabble of that What If:

_______

Breathlessly, Sam and Dean rush to Cas’ aid, and Dean knows the terror that must be writ across his face; he never learns.

Pushing away never works, pulling close is a death sentence, and with Cas, there’s never any in-between. But he’s known for a long time now that he’d rather have Cas around than not, and so if it’s all or nothing - for Cas? He’s all in.

And he should’ve made that clearer in recent weeks. 

He never learns.

Dean and Sam are shouting Cas’ name across the open field behind the barn Cas disappeared around; out in the boonies like this, it’s like the night and woods can swallow up all the sound. It’s like shouting into space; the sound doesn’t even seem to travel anywhere.

Eventually they find him, though, standing in tall grass.

Bodies are scattered across the ground with burned out eyes, and some with heads that appear to have imploded.

Lovely.

And not Dean’s immediate concern.

He sees Cas standing in front of the carnage, splattered with some blood, but otherwise looking okay, if a little uncharacteristically exhausted.

“Cas,” Dean breathes out, running to stand in front of him, “Cas, you okay? I - we saw a flash...”

“I was being swarmed,” Cas tells them both, glancing over at the bodies of shifters, “I deemed you were both a safe enough distance away that I could allow some of my trueform to disable them. It seemed a more efficient method than to use my blade on them all.”

“You look sorta pale,” Dean mentions, nearing him, standing close, wanting to be closer, “are you hurt? You need anything?”

Staring resolutely at Dean, Cas firmly plants his feet down, lifts his chin, and tells him, “... a hug.”

“... what?”

Dean thinks Cas must be joking, but, frankly, Cas isn’t that good at joking, and he looks entirely too serious.

“I don’t feel perfectly well. What will make me feel better is a hug.” 

When Dean huffs a half-laugh and rolls his eyes over to Sam, Cas specifies, “from you.”

Face flushing, Dean hates how pleased he is to hear Cas say that.

That’s idiotic, maybe. He’s been blatantly avoidant of Cas lately, and maybe this is just Castiel, the Rebel Angel, calling Dean on his bullshit, because when he sees an immovable object, he becomes an unstoppable force, and he becomes an immovable object when faced with an unstoppable force.

This is just what Cas does.

“... seriously,” Dean says more than asks.

“Yes.”

As if Sam’s surprise-slack face will provide any kind of out, Dean looks to him for help, but predictably is met with a shrug.

Turning back to Cas, whose eyes have not left his face for a second, Dean feels his heart thump hard, and that makes his embarrassingly warm face even warmer, which makes his hackles rise defensively.

Cas doesn’t say anything about Dean’s probably very obviously red face, though; he just stands there, waiting.

Dean doesn’t have any good excuse out of this, not when he’s being asked so directly.

“... God, fine, you little weirdo,” Dean mutters, stepping up close to Cas to take Cas into his arms.

Cas has this habit of hugging Dean around the neck, and, being that Cas is just a smidge shorter than Dean, it forces Dean down a little bit, maybe just an inch, but it makes Dean feel... big. 

It occurs to Dean in this moment that Cas maybe does that on purpose; he knows Dean, he knows Dean more intimately than any other being would or could, and not in the academic sense - he doesn’t know all of Dean’s funny one-liner’s or embarrassing childhood memories, but he knows the fabric of Dean’s soul.

He knows the often times contradictory and paradoxical desires that make up Dean’s impossible dreams; he knows Dean wants to feel big and strong, and Cas is a giant in that vessel - he’s stronger and larger than what Dean can fathom, and he hugs Dean around the neck, as if to make himself smaller. As if to give Dean a moment of feeling like he’s the one protecting Cas.

Cas does that now; his arms loop around Dean’s neck, and Dean’s hands waffle near Cas’ sides for a second, but then plant themselves as Dean inwardly chants to himself that this isn’t awkward (which is probably making it awkward).

After a few beats, he pats Cas’ back to signify the end of the hug, but Cas doesn’t pull away. 

Cas stays right where he is, and Dean suddenly realizes he’s hurt Cas’ feelings by avoiding him this long.

Oh, Dean thinks to himself, I was just thinking about myself again. I do that too much. Fuck. Did you think I wasn’t happy to see you? I could’ve leapt to the fuckin’ Moon when I saw you standing there, Cas, you stupid son of a bitch.

A little more repentant now, Dean slithers his arms more securely around Cas’ waist, gives him a proper embrace even as his hands start to shake, and he hears Cas sigh happily; Cas making that sound of relief is instant dopamine to Dean.

Their chests are pressed together, Dean thinks Cas can feel his heart beating harder than usual, but he tries not to mind Cas knowing; Cas would probably know even if Dean were at the bottom of the Atlantic.

“‘m sorry,” Dean mumbles quietly behind Cas’ ear, “... I’m sorry, Cas.”

“There is no need to apologize,” Cas assures him, his arms tightening, keeping Dean close, a hand coming to the back of Dean’s head, “I missed you very much, Dean.”

Beyond Dean’s control, tears well up in his eyes - he did miss Cas. He missed Cas more than he can safely say. He missed Cas so much, he wanted to fucking die. 

He missed Cas and Cas doesn’t even know, he doesn’t get the scope of it, he probably wouldn’t believe it even if Dean were to try and explain it (with words he is very sure he doesn’t possess), because Dean’s spent weeks avoiding him, arguing with him, never happy with Cas staying or going.

They curl more into one another, slotting into place like puzzle pieces, and Dean’s hands smooth across Cas’ back, feeling at the broad strength of him, dragging that holistic comfort into him like he could shove Cas into his ribcage and put him there for safekeeping. 

I’d quit hunting, Dean thinks to himself, nonsensically imagining Cas small enough to fit nestled next to his heart, I’d never put my life in danger again. I’d keep you right there, and I’d wear chest armor and I’d keep you safe with me, right there, forever. Part of me, where you belong, where I could protect you.

Dean knows that’s fucked up and codependent of him or whatever, but Cas never minds those fucked up parts of him. Cas is never fazed by how sick in the head Dean is, he barely ever bats an eye.

Even now - Cas isn’t letting go. He’s staying as long as Dean will keep him, and Dean knows he’s unwell, he knows his attachment issues are off the charts, but God, there’s such a profound comfort in the thought that as long as Dean keeps him, Cas isn’t inclined to stray.

If Dean doesn’t want to pull away, Cas won’t, because he wants however much Dean wants - or however much Dean is willing to take.

All this pent up, unspent tenderness rises up in Dean; he feels stupidly sentimental, protective, and much too comforted. 

The soft shush of their hands moving across clothing, the light scrape of Cas’ dull nails across the nape of his neck, how they breathe in tandem, never pushing one another away even by a centimeter; it’s a sedative like Dean can’t remember last having.

I missed you. I missed you like crazy, Cas, Dean thinks at Cas, pulling away in this slow, syrupy way that doesn’t actually indicate he wants to stop touching Cas, and Cas actually picks up on that subtle cue and keeps Dean in his arms, though loosely enough to let Dean’s nose trail across his stubbled cheek.

Up this close, there’s the smell of Cas, his vitals there for Dean to track, to keep count of, to let lull him into a dream-like state of calm.

He doesn’t mean to kiss Cas.

It’s like he’s sleepwalking; dazedly, he just turns his head, lets his nose and lips drag across Cas’ face, and he naturally slots into place there. He kisses Cas because Cas is there to kiss, and it only makes sense. It’s the only thing that makes any sense.

Not a single thought is crossing Dean’s mind when he does it. His eyes are shut, he’s breathing in deeply, moving his lips just so, sleepy, lazy, even. He doesn’t know where his hands are. He’s floating.

His tongue is met with zero resistance, his blood flashes hot across his body, his dick twitches with interest, and it’s like his whole body is thrumming with; Cas, Cas, Cas, smell of Cas, sound of Cas, taste of Cas, feel of Cas, Cas close, Cas good, Cas safe, Cas mine, safe with me, in my arms, need to touch, need to protect, missed him, love him, love him...

Something Dean does with his tongue in Cas’ mouth makes Cas’ breath hitch, and that’s when Dean’s frontal cortex comes back online and he realizes he is kissing Castiel on the mouth.

As if he’s stuck a fork in an outlet, Dean flies backwards, scrambling away from Cas, realizing with mounting terror what he’s just done.

His heart rate ratchets up, his stomach twists into knots, he remembers Sam is right fucking there, and he looks over at Sam, who’s looking at him in shock - having known each other all their lives, they have one simple exchange in silence.

Sam’s face says, I can’t believe you just did that!

Dean’s face replies, panicked, this is why I was keeping my distance. This is why I wouldn’t touch him. This is why I wasn’t supposed to touch him.

Sam’s face falls - Dean can’t tell who he feels sorry for, but either way, he hates it.

Too scared now to look back and see the state of Cas, Dean silently begs Sam, ... what have I done?

[keithal]

Do you have any supernatural fic recs?

ANON. i have been waiting since 2019 for someone to ask me this. prepare to regret this decision (FYI: i'm taking all these recs & following notes from my public bookmarks on ao3, which you can find here. i'm cutting the notes short, so if u don't mind spoiler-y drawn-out comments, check that out too if u want!)

deancas focused:

A Reasonable Amount of Trouble by xylodemon -> an spn au where dean is a p.i. and a hunter on the side, cas is still an angel, and they get caught up in a plot that's a mix of seasons 4, 6, 8, and 9. this was my introduction to spn and deancas. the characterization is flawless and the prose is beautiful (very cs pacat-esque). the plot is crafted with close attention to detail and the pacing is perfect

the point of our being by noviembre -> a post-s15 fix-it that takes place immediately after the penultimate episode. noviembre is undoubtedly my favorite spn writer of all time. one of the best dean voices i've ever come across. this ties up the narrative threads into a beautiful, sound, satisfying ending, and both destiel & saileen survive. despite the odds, they're happy.

i projected onto dean winchester when i was twelve years old and now im making it your problem by alittleduck (amidsizedfrog) -> another post-finale fix it. and, to date, the funniest thing i've ever read. every fic in this series has a good balance between scenes that make u laugh so hard u hurt ur throat and Scenes That Make You Want To Gurgle Cement.

So Says The Sword by komodobits -> a s4 au and a fandom classic for a reason. if u haven't read this, i'm of the firm belief it's best to go in as blind as possible. but definitely keep this verse in the back of ur mind while reading: "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father" (matthew 10:29)

sir this is a wendy's by noviembre -> yall remember when misha collins said that a modern au deancas would be like if a wendy's janitor and the president of the usa fell in love? well noviembre took that seriously and now we're here. and u should all be thankful bc it's somehow the single funniest and most romantic thing i've ever read

the pie isn’t a metaphor (it’s just pie) by noviembre -> post-finale s15 domestic deancas fic that's the emotional equivalent of drinking tea and lying under a warm weighted blanket. it makes me so happy and i think abt it every time i eat a pastry. i just sit there chewing like “dean and cas are eating fresh pie in their kitchen” and it puts a smile on my face.

Muscle Memory by komodobits -> a "50 first dates" au that i think abt every single day. i'm not joking. it's so sad and touching and sweet and unexpectedly funny, and no one writes deancas like komodobits. it just FEELS so them and i'm obsessed w it.

Strandlines by aeli_kindara -> au where s4 cas meets stanford-era dean. dean's voice and characterization is incredibly in-character with the early seasons and his voice doesn't falter once. and of course castiel! robotic s4 cas with this tremendous power and this fierce yet wavering loyalty to heaven that eventually focuses solely on dean! likewise, his character is spot-on and i enjoyed reading from his pov immensely.

[podfic] right hand on his rife, swore it on the bible by be_brave13 for quensty, floorsirens -> u can't possibly expect me NOT to include this. YES my friend and i wrote the fic but be_brave13's love and appreciation for it makes it feel like a completely separate work. my favorite podfic (and gift) of all time so i implore u to give it a listen.

something suddenly everywhere by noviembre -> the finest post-s15 fix-it of all time. cas is in the empty, they've defeated god, jack is gone, and all that's left is sam, eileen, dean, a bunker, and trying to move on. i know i already said that but this is the same author so it still counts! i cried, i laughed, i grieved, i jumped from excitement. it's a rollercoaster of emotions. it should be put behind a velvet rope at a museum so we can all gather around and clap.

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess -> au where dean writes star trek fanfiction. it follows him from the beginning of the show to the older seasons and is told entirely thru his fic summaries, reader commentary, and livejournal dms. warning that it is unfinished, but it's a masterpiece

saileen focused:

Loveletter (Dear Eileen) by voynichs (Xenerik) -> a short and beautiful meditation about love and eileen from sam's pov. it's only 300 words but it feels like 15k. definitely at the top of my fave saileen fics of all time. when i first read it i stayed up until 2 am crying abt it

Livin' on a Prayer by Dredfulhapiness -> EILEEN MEETING EARLY SEASONS DEAN AND SAM I'M SCREAMING. do u understand how this could've changed the timeline but, more importantly, me as a person. eileen there when dean and sam were trying to find a way out of the deal, there when everything happened with ruby, there for dean's resurrection, there before they met cas, there after sam dies and dean retires and cas goes m.i.a. and DEALING with the aftermath of a foiled apocolypse. everyone hates the winchesters but the winchesters are gone and all that's left is eileen to deal with the brunt of it.

With Hands Clasped by Xenerik -> a handful of snippets from the eileen wedding that explores gender and religion and love so beautifully. i haven't been able to read it completely yet, but i can tell this is going to be another saileen fave.

other pairings/no pairings

The Love Story of the Runner Up by Margo_Kim -> told from the perspective of a guy cas had a brief affair with as a semi-drunken story he tells a friend in a bar. it's technically deancas but since cas's relationship with another man takes main focus, i elected to put it here.

Ten Years by Margo_Kim -> a bela talbot character study and the best i've been able to find, no contest. *rowena voice* good girls are pathetic here's to evil skanks <3

The Archangel Gabriel Is Dead by seizethefire -> fics that have half a million kudos in my mind. it's about how and why rafael comes to think that god is dead. it expertly explores the familial relationship between gabriel, lucifer, michael, and rafael. it's devastating and beautiful in equal measure. definitely a personal favorite and one i think everyone should read

put them in a box somewhere by amidsizedfrog -> a mary & dean fic told from mary's pov from before she died. a gut-wrenching story about performative/toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia and mothers.

lastly, if ur interested, i also write spn fic >:) which u can find by clicking here. happy reading!

[zmediaoutlet]

Hi hello! Happy WW. Question: do you have a preference for how established relationship Sam deals with his jealousy of Dean's connections to other men? I think you've said a threesome with a canon dude would be unlikely, bc even Dean's natural charisma is.. a lot (rip deanbennysam, you would have been hot 😔). Does Sam scene with him, or realize that probably ain't great to punish Dean when he doesn't realize what he's doing (or does he?), or stew in it, or talk it out (lol)?

hello, hello, happy wincest wednesday! 🌈

And what an interesting question you have brought me! I am totally fascinated by actual-canon Sam's jealousy of Dean's connection to other men -- Dean's out there forming homosocial bonds like nobody's business and Sam's going ARE YOU KIDDING, it's the greatest. As I said the other day: it's very funny to me that Sam's the one who's out there trying to draw Lines and Personal Boundaries, and the second Dean has one (i.e. his friendship with Benny) Sam's like UH NO? NOT OKAY? NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL? Delish. :)

That said -- in an established relationship context where they're okay, I feel like this element of Sam would cool down a little. He wants Dean's devotion -- like that's an essential element of their relationship, Sam craving Dean's devotion while Dean craves Sam's presence -- and a sexual relationship would just make that devotion more obvious. As long as it wasn't a sad part of their relationship where they're hatefucking or whatever, I think that additional proof of closeness would make him... relax. He knows whose bed Dean's going to end up in. Hell, even if Dean sleeps with other people -- as long as it's not coded as 'cheating', I think Sam could handle Dean getting well-fucked by all and sundry, as long as Dean's heart isn't in play. Friendship is fine; affection is fine; someone starting to take over that 'brother' category [indefinable, per the ask I just reblogged] is not. This is why (in the non-having-sex-with-each-other s8 canon) he was so deeply upset about Benny. And... Cas, allegedly.

In canon Sam deals with his homosocial jealousy Poorly -- I mean, look what a hilarious bitch he was about Crowley, lol. But other than the s8 moment which was so intense, it's not totally clear to me if Sam notices that that's why he's jealous. Given established relationship -- given a scenario where he actually has some vague worry about the 'brother' thing -- I actually think it might be Dean who really notices why Sam's being a bitch about whoever he's jiving with, before Sam does. Which gives us the entertaining possibility of Dean getting back from a hunt with Handsome Jocular Hunter #3 who he did a job with because [whatever, some reason] and Sam's being kind of snippy and bitchy about it and Dean squints at him, and then goes and gets them both a beer, and then he climbs into Sam's lap and kisses him and goes, okay, bitch, let's hear it. And of course Sam would be embarrassed and he knows upon it being pointed out that it's stupid, but hey. Sometimes you just need the truth to be underlined.

...All of which, you'll notice, very much avoids the traditional jealousy business -- and especially the 'scene' business -- because... I find that kind of thing anywhere from stupid to risible to red-flag-yikes. If Sam feels the need to scene with Dean with spanking etc to prove to himself who's got the right to stick his cock in there, then that Sam is not a Sam who deserves to stick his cock in there. Much happier for me to have super toppy super confident super masc Sam be a brief hapless dork, and for Dean to smile at him (with kind of the same expression he had in a similar scene in the Plucky Pennywhistle ep) and go ...Sammy, are you jealous? and for Sam to look down at his lap and mulishly go, ..........no. <3 Dweebs are so much more fun than jealous buttheads. :)

[vaicomcas]

I like how Desti3llers use the scenes where Dean feels sad/worried when Cas dies as a proof of how Dean cares so much about Cas and how much he loves him bc yeah it is.... bad that the only real time where Dean is remotely worried/sad about Cas is when Cas literally fucking dies. He sometimes is not even that much of sad about it. In S9 when Castiel tried to go back to Heaven with informing that he might get killed by angels up there, Dean just says 'so ET goes home' no worried remarks, no asking and showing genuine concern and no trying to stop Castiel. When Castiel's grace was dying (thus Cas was dying too slowly) the Winchesters didnt even care. It was Crowley who found and helped Castiel instead of Dean or Sam even though we have previously seen that Cas literally saved Dean and Sam's life in terms of crisis. One of the things that really makes me angry so much is when Cas is dying in S12 and tells the Winchesters that he loves them. None of them say it back and honestly none of them seem to be worried that much. Honestly even Mary looked more concerned... but it was lackluster. Dean constantly bringing up the topic that 'he doesnt leave famiky behind' was just getting tiring at that point. Like. Those have just become empty worse as time went by.

''Dean cares for Cas when he dies and he loves him bc of that'' is just...... a bad argument when the show is just. goes against that. And then I am not even going to talk about 15X18 because we know what happens there and after that. I just hate it. hate it with all my being.

I share your rage and frustration. "Stuck in middle with you" was one of the rare occasions the Winchesters actually did anything for Cas, so people are always holding it up as evidence of how Cas is family for them. But like wouldnt any decent person do the same for a colleague and a friend? What's the alternative, leave him to die (which, btw, they have done plenty of times)? Besides, they had to deal with Ramiel for their own survival. It was Crowley who came to aide Cas when he didn't have to, ultimately Crowley who actually saved Cas.

Dean loving Cas only when he dies is pretty clear. If I am trying to be fair, Dean does love Cas in a sense, but what he loves is what Cas does for him--always in his corner, always fighting for him. He takes it for granted, sure, but he came to need that and when it's gone he grieves. But it's all about him, about his needs, not about Cas or what Cas needs.

If I want to be cynical? I'd say Dean likes to perform grief. Look at these two images. The one on the left when Charlie died. The one on the right when Cas died after season 12. Pretty much mirror images. Sure he could be genuinely in grief in both cases. But don't tell me this performance of grief was any proof that Cas was any more special to him than his countless "my friend dies woe is me why do bad things always happen to me" cases.

[spitefularoandbi]

My feelings on Wednesday (2022)

Wednesday and Enid really are just friends this season. Yall girlies need to chill, you all always queerbait me harder than any corporation ever has.

"There was no point to the guys, she didn't even like them!" That was the point, that's why #aromantic was trending. She's aromantic.

More below:

Enid was very enthusiastic about her boyfriend understanding that *she* wanted him to ask her out. There's not enough bisexual readings or headcanoning on her because of this and other canon actions she's shown. Yall are cowards and sad. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ also I really like the queer coding in her part of the story (and I too didn't really like that she eventually wolfed out, it felt like the writers got scared of their implications and wanted to backpeddle).

I like christianity being the bad guy again. I did not misread the show, the dude was a puritan and kept saying that he was gonna send Wednesday to hell. So christian girlies don't @ me lol

Seriously, Wednesday and Enid did nothing but friend stuff. I think anyway. Like their time together could be read as kinda girl crush-ish, but also. That's just friendship. Yall can call me homophobic i fucking guess, but this is the kind of fandom crap that got Cas/Misha Collins sent to Super Hell lol, and Supernatural actually had Dean with canon bisexual easter egg, in-show facts. I waited and waited for, mostly Enid, to say something explicitly queer and. Idek yall, do I need to rewatch? I did get up for a sec to unload and reload the washer and dryer lol. Tumblr seriously queerbaited this. Yall need to tag as #headcanon or something bc I was sure they were gonna do more than hug for 5 secs lol

I liked the Bianca redemption stuff, I know that everyone's kinda friends now anyway but I hope Bianca and Wednesday become a duo of sorts next season.

I liked the uptick in Wednesday just, like, dropping her latina heritage. Even some of the music in the show sounded Hispanic? Am I saying the right words lol? But I liked it.

We seriously got this line and yall thought she's alloro?

^none of that means she's only denying a m/f relationship - she's refusing ALL relationships in this statement.

Principal Weems 😍

*screaming crying throwing myself down stairs* I think I've always liked Gwendoline Christie in anything I've seen her in, she looked amazing here in this show!!!!!!! I'm so sad about The Thing happening but she was good!!!!

Ok. That's all I have tonight lol

[ao3feed-destiel-02]

praying to a ghost that refuses to stay buried

praying to a ghost that refuses to stay buried https://ift.tt/AJ8gzwG by ijusthavealotoffeelings “It was always going to be you, and Cas knew it. He was dead from the moment he met you.” Dean swallowed thickly but he refused to break Gabe’s gaze. “You never cared about him,” Gabe spat. “You only cared about what he could do for you! And you know what? He knew it but he did it anyway! He deserved so much better than you.” “No,” Dean whispered. “No, you don’t get to do that.” Dean shoved against Gabe hard and he stumbled back a step with the force of it. Dean could feel tears stinging his eyes but he refused to cry like this. “You don’t get to tell me how I felt about Cas! Don’t you for one second believe I loved him any less than you did! Hell, I loved him more! More than anyone! I would’ve done anything for him!” Dean is grieving and Gabriel just wants his brother back. With Jack gone, Sam's just trying to hold onto the little family he has left. Even when Cas returns from the dead, with Jack by his side, things don't just magically become okay again. It seems they may all have some truths they need to confess to. Words: 13718, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Gabriel (Supernatural), Jack Kline Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Gabriel & Dean Winchester, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 15, Post-Canon Fix-It, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Castiel is Saved from the Empty (Supernatural), Love Confessions, Sam Winchester Knows, that tag is still objectively hilarious to me like, we as a fandom collectively agree that sam definitely know dean and cas are in love, gabriel knows too, fight me on this, Dean Winchester Lives, lets just pretend the finale didnt happen okay, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, I am physically incapable of writing sad endings, so fear not dear readers, idk what else to put, First Kiss, warning for alcoholism in the beginning, look deans not good at coping, Grief/Mourning, may as well tag it its kind of a central theme in this fic, But dont worry!, they get their happy ending!, as they should - Freeform, also, Jack Knows, but in a, he asssumes theyre already a couple, kind of way, headcanon: cas blows out all the lights the first time they kiss, married couple bickering, okay its actually a lot heavier than that, our boys need to work their shit out, dean and his tendency to say bad things in the heat of the moment, listen, I Love Dean, but he has no filter when hes angry, loving someone to the point of self destruction etc etc, Complicated Relationships, because, yeah - Freeform, what they have is def complicated, featuring deans inherent tendency to self sabotage, bc he definitely does that a lot, or am i projecting? maybe im projecting, either way you get the idea, ok these tags are becoming ridiculous, Im gonna stop now, rating is mostly for language and heavy themes, and one kinda smutty scene, dean drinks whiskey in this bc thats what i drink when im sad, whiskey hangovers SUCK, ig dean is just very me coded in this, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, as he should, yes there is a halsey quote in here that i stole, dont judge me, overly sappy declarations of love and devotion, living on being the ultimate act of loving someone, but maybe thats just more of me projecting, is anyone even going to read these tags?, okay this was only supposed to be like 3k words and it just got away from me via AO3 works tagged 'Castiel/Dean Winchester' https://ift.tt/8ANmeK2 July 29, 2023 at 08:54PM

[permanately-confuzzled]

Okay so. This gonna be long. But dean headcanon.

This is a bit of a stretch and not one that I think a lot of people lean towards (either that or I'm just not in a circle that talks about it) but. Dean has autism? Maybe not super obvious signs, and I'm much more familiar with the signs in afab than amab, but it feels REALLY similar to myself.

I realize that cptsd has really similar symptoms as low-support-needs (high functioning??? Someone please tell me what term to use I cant figure out if it's problematic or not) late diagnosed autism, as well as several other neurotypes. But a lot of it feels really familiar, and in some of the distinguishments between cptsd and autism, dean leans toward the autism side.

Anyway, a list in no particular order:

Knows a lot about random topics -- that one case where he knew the guy used the wrong country for a proverb to come from, mentioning vonnegut, possible hyperfocus on weapons and fighting

Seems to have a fairly good musical understanding despite having little to no experience -- you're telling me John taught him how to sing? And he picked up on guitar as quickly as was implied? I think the fuck not

Hyperfocus on a TV show/genre -- Scooby-Doo, dr. Sexy, westerns

Perfectly happy driving for hours on end listening to the same tracks on repeat -- apparently this isn't normal???

Seems to dissociate really easy -- he could be desensitized to violence, and probably is at least a little. But when he's already emotional, or caught by surprise, he's immediately horrified, almost like he's not as careless towards it as normal.

Described as having too many emotions. Very much cannot communicate them. Seems overwhelmed.

Very much likes blankets, hot showers, massage bed -- sensory issues. Also, that could be why he wears flannel and jeans all the time. Yeah, it's practical, but the clothes don't bother his sensory issues.

Also, sensory stuff could be why he's constantly chasing sex. If your constantly feeling everything, why not make the everything be mostly good? People with asd also typically are either on the grey scale of sexuality or hypersexual.

He clearly understands communication, but masking. Also, he's fairly social. The puzzle of human communication may be a hyperfixation of his. Not to mention that a few of the times people say things he isn't expecting he gets flustered and confused.

He seems to see grey points in a very black and white way, and black and white as grey. I don't know how else to describe that.

The thing with asd people typically struggling more than nts to understand things like capitalism bc why WOULDNT you give up some fancies if other people can eat enough -- that's literally why he can't get himself to leave hunting.

Not willing to change the impala or his music.

Had the whole dean cave put together without Sam knowing (I think? Correct me if I imagined this)

Routine. He's impulsive when it's his decision, but if someone else decides, he wants nothing to do with it -- getting up in the morning, I swear there's more but my brain is getting tired

Struggles to make close connections. Very few actual friends (especially compared to sam) and very few actual relationships.

The close friends he has are not nt. Charlie most likely has adhd or asd, cas acts very similar to someone with asd, Sam's at least really traumatized. This is common with nds.

He has different personalities depending on who he's with (masking) -- cas vs Charlie vs Sam vs Donna vs Claire vs Benny... etc

Prone to addiction -- the need for routine and chronic stress from masking makes this true for asd people as well.

I think it was called existential suicidal ideation or something like that? Doesn't want to die necessarily, but doesn't really want to be around but does, but doesn't really care. It doesn't seem like a big deal so he's sorta apathetic to it.

I think there was more, but I cant remember right now. Am I crazy???

Sorry is asd autocorected to sad. And yes I did hyperfocus on this for a week and a half.

[bi-lullaby]

I love talking about SPN with you! Tough challenge if you're up for it: rank all 15 seasons from your personal favorite to least favorite, no ties allowed :) Have fun!

Oh dear. What a predicament you’ve put me in!

1. 1 (solid choice, me thinks. The vibes are Unparalleled. Introduced me to the LOML, Dean. Their early dynamics? Figuring out who they are, who the other is, who their family is? ugh. My heart. Also super interesting MootW episodes, charismatic, the cinematography deserves it’s own spot in the list, we feel like the Winchesters: operating from a shadowed world that’s interwoven with ours but also separate)

2. 2 (still the same vibes of the first but also angrier? there’s findings and secrets and an overachieving trama of trauma and family and grief and deep wounds from the past and revenge and worry. love it)

3. 4 (It makes me angry, sad, happy, hopeful, devastated, all of that at once and then more. I feel it’s one of the most fundamental stories to the plot of everything that comes later and it sets what came before against a solid background of the whole angels/demons/apocalypse/vessels/fate narrative, sets up a lot of the lore, it’s just genuinely good and enjoyable. Great television.)

4. 5 (The world is ending and we have no hope to stop it and yet we will? ugh. Also the reconnection of the boys. Fighting so hard for a goal that seems impossible and finding their way back tot he other. I feel this is when Cas becomes more friend than ally, which is lovely. The longing, the grief, the guilt, the horror, the hopeless and yet that doesn’t take away their fight in the end. Also In the End and Dark Side of The Moon are just. Spectacular. This one gets me every time)

5. 3 (so much angst. so much uncertainty. The unknowns. I feel this one isn’t higher only bc I watched already knowing the outcome or most of it in a way, bc I knew Dean would be alive and well for years to come bc I started when spn was further along, but for fans who watched on time? must have been a punch to the stomach).

6. 8 (I hadn’t realized how much I loved season 8 until today lol, lots of annoyances and grievances but still I enjoy and analyze it to death. I love love love Purgatory, the dynamics of the Purgatory Trio, BENNY, Kevin as a bigger character, the animosity between Sam and Dean (srsly, I think all the fics I have written mention/deal with this issue bc I’m just fascinated by both their headspaces in this and how it impacts them going forward. The trials are interesting although I felt they were a bit mishandled, and of course the many fallouts from it.)

7. 9 (same initial comment as season 8 tbh. I feel like early seasons dean is hanging on by a thread to the very end of his rope (trauma, pain, grief, etc etc) but he is hanging in there, ya know? And he wants to fight and he knows his whys. then as the years go on and the losses pile on and the pains and the more and more he’s backed into impossible corners he loses the will to hang on and I think this season is the one where we see in look at that rope and go “and why the fuck am I holding on to this?” and it’s painful and heartbreaking but also makes you cheer him on and wish for him to fet through this. I like the Bunker being a more established home base for them. I enjoy Abbadon and Metraton as antagonists although I do feel they ended up… Underwhelming? Underexplored? And Dean’s is one of my ‘favorite’ deaths the boys had. It’s so impactful and poignant.

8. 12 (I almost put it lower but alas, so many Dean/Dean-Mary dynamics moments I could not. Not the biggest fan of the BMoL but I see where they were going. I think bringing Mary back was a move that could have gone horribly wrong and in a sense I feel like it maybe wasn’t the most thematically consistent? but it allowed for fun explorations of many characters. Also, Regarding Dean is off the charts good.)

9. 6 (ohh the drama. the fallout. the would’ves should’ves could’ves. I have a love-hate relationship with soulless!sam that tends more towards love but overall a great one. I miss Lisa, there, I said it. I loved them together. I wanted them to remain that way. I loved seeing Dean be turned into a vamp, also.)

10. 10 (not much to say. I adore MoC and all about it, but I do wish some things were better handled/had more impact/were more thought out/better shown etc. Overall, great idea, not my favorite execution).

11. 11 (again, love parts, don’t love others so much. I will say, in my “dean lets go of his rope” analogy, this one is where I think he’s slowly starting to climb out of the hole he’s fallen into and see “his whys” more clearly again).

12. 7 (idk why people seem to hate 7 so much? I can’t say it’s supper impacting but it has it’s positives. And Bobby’s death! It’s so impactful, it’s genuinely a mark of splitting eras in my mind.)

13. 14. (Michael!Dean my dearest of dears. You were not here for long enough. Makes me angry and a little bitter but also great moments).

14. 13 (if you put a gun to my head I can’t recall season 13 specifically? felt like a “bridge” season ig, and I just… Don’t enjoy Jack. I know many people do, and you do you, absolutely! But he just felt like a shoehorned in deus ex machina wrapped in Cas’s more cute mannerisms and I just never connected with him or really enjoyed him as part of the family or the themes that followed his appearance).

15. (will never accept, will never like, will never enjoy, the ending is responsible for 97% of the hate for the whole season but tbh the forced “ohh look we’re meeetaaaa! it’s the lasssst sssseassssonnn” in your face level of annoyance didn’t make it all that great either. No but srsly don’t even get me started on the ending. I could spend an hour just incoherently babbling and crying and still not get my dislike across correctly).

This was quite tough, really. Thanks for the brain teaser, dearie!

[ezra-editss]

"Dean doesn't reciprocate" MY ASS

I'm just kinda gonna write down my thoughts about this. I'm in season 7 now, I know what happens in the very last episode, but nothing else so I don't read any posts about the show here yet :) (just so yk and don't accidentally spoiler me) Oh and I do this mostly out of memory and some notes that I took, so this might be a little chaotic :,)

Okay, so the whole season 6 fight was crazy to me. The way Cas was watching while Dean kept on defending him. And he knew how much Dean trusted him. ("The worst part was Dean. He was trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise.") It hurt him, but the whole time he was, again, protecting Dean. And yes, he hurt Dean, but I think it was as bad for Cas to hurt Dean, as for Dean to be hurt.

Then, Dean apologizing for the others? They (thought they) were wrong and Dean had kept on trusting Cas, so why was it him who apologized? Because he knew it meant more to Cas when he did it? Idk.

Cas wasn't able to lie when he looked in Dean's eyes.. come on? Also, the fact Dean wasn't actually mad when he found out was really interesting. He was just extremely sad. Yes, his trust got broken and maybe he was just tired of it all, but it didn't seem like that to me, I felt like he usually got madder.

I love how they always share those sad looks when they go apart after the fights btw, such a best buddys thing to do.

It was really hard for both of them. We can see that Dean can't sleep that night and that Cas comes back to talk to him alone, because it only matters to him that Dean understands.

Oh and the "I'm doing this for you, Dean." I don't even need to explain his motives, because he reveals them himself.

Then the scene from my edit. (at the top) (it's kinda laggy, bc it's slow-motion, but anyways) They both have teary eyes a lot, but this is different. Dean turns aways because he knows he's gonna cry and Cas disappears before he really starts crying, but they are both fuckin crying about this. They're both just sad and want this to end. Even when Dean said he's gonna stop him and so on, it was way less threatening than usually. And Cas kept coming back when Dean was in danger.

But Dean still cared as well. In the first episode of season 7, when Cas asks for help, he pretends he doesn't care about him anymore for a bit, but you can clearly see that he still does. You at least can see it when he thinks Cas is dead. He's devastated.

It's kinda funny how Bobby's there but Cas very obviously only cares to make it up to Dean. Like he always says "they're my friends" but in reality he means Dean.

AND THEN.. Cas tries to protect everyone else again and sends them away but DEAN STAYS. I think he knew that there wouldn't be anything he could do, but it didn't matter.

Cas dies again. (give my man a break, please) Dean keeps the god damn coat? I think he might've done it, because he was hoping that Cas would come back again. Anyways, scene was devastating.

In the judge/court episode about Dean's guilt, I immediately hoped Dean didn't feel guilty about Cas too, but was pretty sure he did. My worries were confirmed in episode 5.

So yeah, I suppose that's the part where I am, I guess I have to wait 'till Cas comes back now :,)

I don't think anyone read all this, but I hope I didn't make any grammar mistakes, bc English isn't my first language, so I sometimes get stuff mixed up (I definitely made the tenses confusing). Anyways, rant end.

[angelsdean]

welp. jensen tweeted so it's official official. and i'm just so sad abt it because i could see what they were trying to do with this show, shifting the main target audience for the franchise over to younger, more progressive audiences. i feel like their casting of meg was strategic in that, she has a large following of younger fans that could've carried over to spnwin. and just the focus on a diverse cast and more canon queer rep. as much as we like to think spn's audience is younger + queer bc that's what we experience most in fandom the general audience for spn was not that. and i think, with how they talked abt potentially tying in spnwin to a future spn continuation, they were aiming to partly use spnwin to tell more of those diverse stories, queer stories, get a new audience to replace the old, weave in spn prime characters to get newer viewers interested in the main series, introduce them to cas. and i really truly do think this series was meant to be a stepping stone toward the destiel reunion + dean reciprocation we want. but first they needed that shift in demographic, that interest in the general audience for queer and diverse characters and stories.

so, feeling heavy-hearted to see it go. still waiting and hoping for the often mentioned future continuation. but i think spnwin was meant to do a lot of the legwork to get us to the destiel stuff we want to see happen in that continuation. obviously whatever continuation they do will have to acknowledge the confession and reunite them, and i still hope we get to see everything we dream of, but i do think spnwin was meant to be an integral part to getting us there</3 we'll just have to wait and see now. but i'm sad to not have anything in the spn universe to definitively look forward to now. i loved all the time we spent clowning and speculating and doing meta and watching live and seeing our dean again and hearing him talk to us every week<3 and that cast was so fun, really really gonna miss them.