#and go check all of these albums out! they're so cool! i would love to do what these creators do; they're amazing!!! alas i can only give

[allthecastlesonclouds]

fig faeth albums and why:

burn towns get money (single): only song that makes sense to have been created before sophomore year

significant figures (album): right after they get home from spring break. fig had all of those cooking i swear

their ep (EP): max casson’s spring break: i believe in you! playlist. while fabian’s dumping all of his gold in the finale part 2 fig says she has an ep in the works and i want to believe it’s this one. the title’s a double meaning: it’s for the bad kids but it also sounds like therapy so :D

walk through hell (album): in spring break part 2 lola talks about the archdevil tour and i’m choosing to believe it’s this one. there’s a lot of fire symbolism and phoenix stuff and fig going hey we’re a bit more traumatized, but they drag fabian and/or riz onstage for at least 1 concert and that’s where fig gets the idea for

significant figures 2.0 (album): BOP. BELOVED IT’S SO GREAT. they drag everyone to come sing their songs to at least one concert. fig sings hey kid disguised as Kalina and riz is sufficiently creeped out. it’s great.

titles (album): my beloved i will summon you into existence. i choose to believe until proven otherwise the night yorb is like. not as big a threat as it seems (think a lighter vokodo from critical role. not great but not bad) and they clear it out by winter break. the album gets released the day after fig’s birthday.

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-three

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: i hate how this took me all day to write. I just want to keep writing this story!

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98

I sat in the front lounge area of our bus on the couch with my legs crossed, laptop in my lap, as I scrolled through the Spotify playlist I finished creating. It was quiet up here, the rest of the guys of Hollow Souls were scattered throughout; Malcolm was out for a run around the block, Chase was hanging on Bad Omens bus, and Trey was still asleep in his bunk.

It was only 9:30 in the morning but I knew he would sleep most of the day away especially since it was our day off. We were already at the next city, parked in the venues lot, and since we didn't have to worry about sound check or setting up yet, we all did our own things.

Me? I had been debating all morning if I should create this playlist but in the end figured it was the best thing to do. I was touring with Bad Omens after all, shouldn't I be familiar with their songs?

For the next while I let Noah's voice blast through my headphones as I danced in my seat as Limits played, banged my head as Hedonist screamed in my ear, and felt my heart fall out of my ass when his soft voice of If I'm There buried deep in my soul. The lyric struck me right away and the pure raw emotion that oozed out of Noah made my heart skip a beat, almost as if I was about to pass out.

Fuck what Trey thinks, I need to watch these guys perform tomorrow night.

Malcolm came bounding up the steps, sweat dripping from his auburn hair that was falling around his bare shoulders in waves, and gave me a smile.

"Okay two things," I scrunched up my nose as he sat next to me. "How the fuck do you run so early in the morning, with your hair down no less? And you fucking stink."

"Oh, listening to our tour buddies I see," he ignored my observations by nodding to my laptop screen.

I shrugged. "I was the only one of us that wasn't familiar with them and now I'm pissed it took me so long to discover them. They're amazing."

Malcolm agreed with a nod. "Noah's voice has grown so much from their first album, it's actually impressive. It would be sick if we got him on a song for our next album."

"Trey would immediately shut that down. He hates collab's between artists," I closed my laptop and set it on the small kitchen table next to me.

Malcolm sighed while running a hand through his long locks. "We really should talk about-."

"No," I sliced my eyes into him. "I'm not having this conversation with you when he's a few feet away from us. We can talk about it later when he's not around."

"Alright," he nodded. "I'm going to hop in the shower. Chase still with the Bad Omens guys?"

"I think so," I answered, watching as he stood and made his way to the bathroom.

"Cool. You should get ready, we're going to hang with them for the day. Wear something cute!" Malcolm called over his shoulder before the bathroom door shut.

I blinked slowly at the space in front of me for a few moments before staring down at my outfit; black leggings and an oversized shirt. Which would have been fine for a day of lounging on the bus but going out in public called for an outfit change.

And that Noah will be there has nothing to do with it.

Ignoring the voices in my brain, I trekked over towards my bunk where I had a suitcase already open, clothes folded neatly into small piles and rummaged through before deciding on a pair of biker shorts and one of our merch shirts I rolled up the bottom of to show off part of my stomach. It was a warm day in Wisconsin so I wanted to be comfortable.

As I slipped on my docs and finished french braiding my hair, Malcolm emerged from the bathroom also dressed and ready to go.

He nodded in approval. "Much better."

I snorted and patted his chest while walking past him. "Glad you think so."

"I think you should change your shirt though."

"What's wrong with my shirt?" I asked suddenly self conscious about the way I looked. "If it's showing too much, I can change-."

"Fuck," Malcolm sighed. "Trey's warped your mind so bad. No, Y/N. You look great, I'm just saying it would be better if you wore this."

He tossed me a different shirt, one I caught with ease, and when I held it in front of me I gave him a raised brow.

"Really?"

"Meet you at the OMENS bus. I'll text Trey to let him know where we're at," Malcolm pounding his knuckles with mine before leaving the bus.

With my bottom lip caught between my teeth, I decided not to dwell too much on the decision of wearing the shirt. That's all it was, a shirt. If he got upset about it, he can fuck right off. Once changed in the new shirt, I realized it was a bit long since it clearly was Malcoms who was atleast a foot taller than me. The shirt rested about mid thigh and covered most of my biker shorts. I let out a few deep breaths to center and calm myself, because the idea of hanging out with the guys without Trey made me nervous.

Yes that was it, not because Noah was going to be there. Ever since we hung out the other day, all I could think about was his tattoos or the way he instilled so much confidence in me as he spoke deeply about my lyrics. No one has ever had an in-depth conversation about my lyrics before since they all thought Trey was the one that wrote our songs. The only thing Trey was good for was his screams, which I had to admit were faltering. Our energy and connection on stage wasn't the same anymore but thankfully, none of the fans cared to notice. As long as Trey dared them a glance, they were happy.

So with the confidence from my conversation with Noah the other day, I walked out into the warm morning sun, bare legs and arms on display for everyone to see. While my right leg had no tattoos, every inch of skin was covered in ink. The bright rays burned my eyes, so I slipped on my sunglasses while throwing my purse over my shoulder and made my way towards Bad Omen's bus, hearing a round of laughter emanating from the back of it.

As soon as I walked up, the conversations continued for all but one. Noah, who was talking to someone I hadn't recognised, turned his attention to me and even through his own sunglasses, I felt the burning gaze from him as he took in every inch of my body. I shrank into myself as others started staring at me but Noah's was the most intense, and I ran my sweaty palms along my thighs.

"What?" I asked.

"Nice shirt," Folio smirked. "We haven't seen that design in a while. Almost forgot it was a Bad Omens design."

I fiddled with the bottom of it and shrugged. "If we can move on from my outfit choice, that'd be great."

The voices in my mind were screaming at me to run back to my bus to change and my feet turned when Noah's voice stopped me.

"You look good."

Three words.

Those three words ignited the blaze across my skin and all I could do was nod because I was so nervous to say something, afraid I would make a fool of myself. Noah also looked good. No scratch that, he looked fucking beautiful with his hair flowing freely across his shoulders and the white shirt he wore hugged his chest and arms in all the right places. The bottom half of his tattoos were on display and I couldn't help myself as I stared at them, something I didn't realize Noah was doing the same to me.

"Hey, I'm Matt," the man who was talking with Noah smiled.

"Y/N," I gave him a small wave.

"So," Chase spoke. "There's this really awesome zoo just around the block. Figured it be cool to check out?"

We all nodded in agreement and began walking in our large group; three of Hollow Souls, four Bad Omens, and two of their crew members. Matt, their manager, and Bryan, their photographer who had a camera slung around his neck. I walked in steps with Chase on one side of me and Nick on the other. Once again, Nick was looking down at the tattoo on my leg.

"You love to analyze the designs, huh?" I joked.

He shrugged. "I can't help it. Does the design on your leg have a meaning?"

It was a large tattoo of several Greek Gods sitting on top of Mount Olympus; Athena, Artemis, Ares, and Posiedon. My favorites.

"Uh, I'm a huge Greek Mythology nerd and these are some of my favorite Gods," I gave a sheepish smile.

Malcolm turned to face us as he began walking backwards. "Don't get her started on Zeus."

I pointed a finger at him. "Everyone thinks he's the most all mighty God when in fact, he was a douche! One of the worst Gods. Makes me so angry everyone puts him on a high pedestal."

Chase chuckled. "Way to go, Malcolm."

Noah walked ahead of me a few feet and as I continued to talk with Nick, I could see out of the corner of my eye when he would turn to face me; almost making sure I was still here. Soon the entrance to the zoo stood in front of us and as I pulled out my wallet to pay, I realized it was missing.

"What the fuck?" I murmured while riffling through my purse.

"Something wrong?"

Gazing up through my sunglasses, I saw Noah looking at me with concern. He pocketed his glasses so I could see the browns of his eyes sparkle in the sunlight.

"No. Well yea," I sighed letting my purse fall to my side. "I must have left my wallet on the bus. You guys ahead. I'll see you back at the venue."

It all happened so fast; Noah pulling out his own wallet, asking for two tickets, and handing the person behind the counter the correct amount of change.

"Noah," I scolded. "You didn't have to do that!"

"Come on. They're waiting for us," Noah said with an extended arm in front of me.

The rest of the group hung back just inside the entrance as they watched us with their own wondering eyes.

I didn't move however, only kept a stern gaze on Noah through my glasses. "I had no problem going back to the bus."

He scoffed while dropping his arm. "Right, to sit with Trey while the rest of us have fun? How is that fair?"

I pursed my lips, unsure how to respond, so instead with a long sigh, I walked past him towards Chase who had a large smirk on his face.

"What?" I asked, slightly irritated.

He motioned to Noah behind me. "He was checking out your ass."

I never whirled around so damn fast before in my life and one of my braids slapped me in the face as I looked at Noah, who in fact was starting intently at me. When our gazes locked, he quickly averted his over to Bryan.

For the next while, I walked with Chase as we stopped every few minutes to check out the animals at the zoo. Halfway through our visit, I stopped to grab a pretzel with cheese thanks to Chase who paid. When we then stopped in front of a large sign showcasing the map, I gasped excitedly while pointing to it.

"They have wolves!" I turned on my heels towards everyone.

"So dogs?" Folio teased with a smirk.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "How dare you! They're not just dogs. Well, I guess they are since they descend from wolves. But-." My ramblings fell off my lips when I saw Noah staring at me.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" I wiped at my face, afraid there was dried cheese on it.

"No," Noah's voice was low. "I just like how you look when you're so passionate about something. It's cute."

Turning my face away from him so he couldn't see the way I blushed, I nibbled on my bottom lip. "We don't have to go see them."

"To the dogs-I mean wolves!" Folio exclaimed with a hand up in the air.

I all but ran to the encloser that was only a few feet away from where we were and as we approached the high chain-link fence, I bent low so I could peer through hoping to see them. With what I knew about wolves I wouldn't catch a glimpse because of the heat today. It was almost like this every time I tried to see wolves at any zoo.

Everyone stood back, a quiet hum of their conversations background noise, until with a frown I rose to my feet not realizing Noah was standing behind me. I felt his warm body heat envelope around me and I peered over my shoulder to him.

"I could stay here for hours just waiting," I admitted with a smile.

"We can stay," Noah suggested.

"No," I shook my head while turning to face him. "We can go. I don't want to make the others hang around for nothing."

His long lashes brushed across his cheek as he blinked slowly, eyes never once leaving my face. My heart was beating so fast at how close we were and I wanted to take a step back, I really did, but there was this invisible force that kept us tied together. It pulled my hand away from my purse strap to brush some hair out of his face but before the action took place, Malcolm's loud voice hollered over to us, breaking the trance we were in.

"If you two are done staring at each other, Jolly wants to go see the tigers!"

Retreating away from Noah, I scurried over towards the group of the guys as we made our way over to the next large encloser, Noah trailing slowly behind. While Jolly interacted with the tigers, I hung off to the side lost in my own thoughts. Often I would check my phone to see if Trey texted me but nothing. I was gone for hours already, wouldn't he have noticed we were gone?

Maybe he was still asleep?

I tried to think of scenarios of why he wouldn't text or call instead of thinking of how close Noah and I got back at the wolves. It was wrong of me to think of another man like that. It was also wrong for me to keep stealing glances his way all day or wondering what his skin on mine would feel like.

Almost in a trance of my own thoughts, I followed the group when we reached the petting zoo area of the zoo where you could feed deers.

"Oh, sick!" Nick exclaimed.

I, on the other hand, did not think so.

"Do you want too?" Noah asked me.

"I'll watch. You can't trust these guys, they'll try to eat your shirt." I said.

I watched him bend to his knees as a smaller deer came up to him, licking up the food from his open hand. Noah smiled brightly as the deer nibbled the cracker from between his fingers and I couldn't stop my smile as it pulled at my lips. It was one of those smiles where the skin next to your eyes crinkle and cheeks hurt from how hard your smiling.

His smile could make you forget all the bad in your life. It brought so much light to the darkness that filled my soul of the last few months. My stomach burned with something unknown and it scared me that one person could cause this intense feeling; who I wasn't even dating. Trey never once made me feel this way or even tried too. All Noah had to do was smile at me and I was on my knees in a puddle mess of desire.

"Are you going to keep staring at me or help?" He smirked up at me.

Embarrassed at getting caught, I reluctantly bent down next to him and took a cracker he extended towards me. "I swear if this little shit bites my finger, I'm going to kick your ass."

Noah bumped his shoulder with mine. "It's a deal."

"Okay, I'll admit this is kind of cool," I mused while scratching a deer on its nose.

When he didn't say anything, I turned my head slightly towards Noah but sucked in a breath when I realized how close we were. His warm breath fanned over my lips as his eyes tracked every movement of my tongue made as I licked my suddenly dry lips. We were so close I was afraid that if I leaned forward slightly, our lips would brush across each other. I could smell the lemonade he drank earlier as the scent tickled my nostrils.

Noah swallowed thickly, and a noise came out of the back of his throat as he went to say something but was cut off by someone's screams. For the second time that afternoon, we were broken out of our trance like state to see Nick and Malcolm running away from a group of deers that were chasing them.

"Uh," my voice stammered. "I should probably go help him."

Quickly rising to my feet, I left Noah behind to go save my idiot friend from a couple of deers that just wanted something to eat.

NOAH

A yawn fell past my lips as I stretched out my long limbs before leaning up against the cool metal of our tour bus, the cool night air wrapping around the small group of us. We all returned from the zoo a little while ago and while Bryan and Matt went to the crew bus and Malcom and Chase went back to theirs, I was standing with Folio and Y/N, as she pulled out some cash that she grabbed from her bus.

"Please take the money, Noah. I feel terrible that you spent your money on me," she extended the two twenty-dollar bills towards me while she clutched the small wolf stuffed animal underneath her arm.

Something I surprised her with on the way out of the zoo.

Her eyes sparkled as she eyed the gift cart when we walked past it. "Would it be stupid for a grown woman to want a stuffed animal?"

She asked to Malcolm, who merely shrugged in response. So while she wasn't looking, I bought a wolf one for her.

I didn't miss the way her lips parted in surprise when I gave it to her. Or the way she let out a long shaky breath before muttering to herself.

"He doesn't even buy me anything."

She didn't have to say his name; I knew who she was talking about.

"I'm not taking your money," I shook my head.

Y/N groaned and tried to give the money to Folio who raised his hands as if the money was cursed. "I'm not taking it either, Y/N. When Noah wants something, there's no changing his mind. He wanted to pay for you today, accept it."

"Fine," she stuffed the money into her pocket. "But I owe you back with something, Noah."

Folio was fast to speak before I could even argue. "Why don't you come hang out on the bus with us for a bit?"

Y/N's body went rigid, eyes glancing over to her bus so fast I almost missed it.

"It'll be fun. Even for a bit," Folio smiled before walking up the stairs of the bus, leaving her and I alone.

Alone.

Just the two of us.

For the first time all day.

I rubbed the back of my neck, suddenly very nervous. With the others around, I could act cool around her but now under her bright eyes, my knee buckled.

"It might be fun if you hang out with me-us," I quickly corrected myself hoping she didn't notice. "We could play Mario cart?"

I stared down sheepishly at my feet, trying to find the courage to ask a girl to hang out with me. Not that fucking hard so why did my voice waver every time I tried to talk to her.

"We could play monopoly but that wouldn’t end well. Jolly thinks he’s the bomb at games and we spend most of the time kicking his ass.”

Another quick glance to her bus as she shifted on her feet something I realized she was doing because she was nervous Trey would come out any moment. According to Chase, Trey didn't call or text her all day to see where she was or at least check in on her.

"Hey," my fingers brushed along the inside of her wrist, getting her to finally look at me instead of fear to her bus. The spark that shocked through us nearly had me rear my hand back from the intensity. "You don't have to go back, you know."

Her brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

My heart pounded as I forced the words out of my mouth before I second guessed myself. "Stay till morning? Knowing Trey, he's probably going to be nursing a hangover in the morning so he won't even notice you're not there."

"Where would I sleep?" Her voice was hushed, barley above a whisper.

With me.

"We have extra bunks," I said.

She blinked for a long moment, letting my words process in her brain. She was highly debating my offer but in the end; she shook her head.

"It's been a long day and I should head back. I'm sure Trey is wondering where I am."

The disappointment was evident on my face and I had to bit my tongue not to lash out with a comment about how much Trey did in fact not care.

"Sure," I nodded. "Let me walk you back to your bus then?"

Clutching the wolf stuffed animal closer to her chest, she nodded with a smile playing at her lips. It wasn't a long walk so my mind was running rampant with something to say to keep the last little of this perfect day alive.

"I don't think I mentioned how much I like you in my shirt."

Shit, I didn't mean that.

"Our shirt. The band's shirt," I quickly recovered when I noticed the playful gleam in her eyes.

We came to a stop in front of the door of her bus, the lights off inside which meant that either no one was in there or they were asleep.

Her gaze darted to the windows back to me. "I had a really fun day today, Noah. Thank you."

My fingers itched with the need to brush a strand of hair that came loose from her braid but I resisted.

"Anytime, angel."

Fuck.

She raised a brow at me, a reddish tint creeping from her cheeks to the tops of her ears. "Oh, angel, huh?"

"Sorry, it kind of slipped out," I rubbed my chin nervously. "If you don't like it, I can-."

"No, I like it!" She rushed out. "A lot, actually."

That was an ego boost that I desperately needed. So, with a wink, I began walking backwards to my bus calling out in the dark night air. "Good because it stays, angel!"

[m00npill]

[Transcript] Fallen Angels

FALL OUT BOY'S ULTRA-AMBITIOUS NEW ALBUM WILL MAKE THEM ONE OF THE WORLD'S BIGGEST BANDS. SO HOW COME PETE WENTZ IS STILL SO DEPRESSED?

source: x the other page missing ;-;

2007 Kerrang! No.1142

PETE WENTZ is an hour late.

Because of this the first thing you learn about Fall Out Boy is that nothing happens without him. His three other bandmates - singer and guitarist Patrick Stump, guitarist Joe Trohman and drummer Andy Hurley - sit waiting. They're in a conference room on the first floor of the Marriott Hotel in Lowell, Massachusetts, a pretty, vanilla flavoured town 60 minutes north of Boston. The reason the group are here is because in three hours they're due to play four songs in front of 8,000 people gathered to watch the local radio station's Christmas concert. But first they're forced to wait. Because picturing Fall Out Boy without Pete Wentz is like imagining a motorway without traffic.

"See, that's not right," says Patrick Stump. Stump is wearing a small frown and an indulgent smile. It's been said that he has no ego. As you hear him now he's checking out his own entry page on Wikipedia. "No, see, they've got that wrong...

We don't have much time. Fall Out Boy landed at Roston's Logan airport at 4pm. This lunchtime they were in Chicago; by dawn they'll be in Manhattan. The band's ride pulled up in Lowell an hour ago. It's now 6:30. At 9:25, they're due onstage. Before that they need to pose for photographs and answer questions.

"Pete's in his room," someone says. Andy Hurley goes downstairs to the toilet, taking a security guard with him. Fall Out Boy have two security men: one for Pete Wentz, one for the others.

Wentz calculates that he spends 40 minutes out of every hour on the phone. He receives up to a 100 emails a day. He owns a film production company. He's a published author. He owns his own record label. He owns his own clothing line. He's modelled for Gap. He'd be modelling for us if he could be bothered to be here.

But Pete is in his room, laid low with depression. He's sat on the floor "calling random people from [his] home town [Wilmette, Illinois]", people whom he believes will "understand [him]". Problem is, when they pick up the phone he "can't think of a thing to say". All the while it's getting later and later. He feels self-conscious about how to time his entry, aware that he might be thought of as "the asshole American guy in a band". Even now, two and a half hours later, these feelings are still resident in his mind. "It's weird," he'll say. "Although I'm functioning, half of my head is in another place.

Do you see how people might look at you, see your wealth and your privilege and your opportunities, and think: you ungrateful son of a bitch?

"Of course," he says. "I think that all the time. But you asked me about depression and so I'm talking about it. It's the culture we live in."

You don't seem to mind talking about it. "The only problem I have with it is that I don't want people to read this article and go, 'lt'd be so amazing to be depressed! That'd be cool!'. I don't want to create an industry of misery."

These days, Pete Wentz has prescriptions for Xanax, Praxil, Prozac and Ativan. To compliment this, he's taking serotonin reuptake inhibitors (more anti-depressants). In the past, he's been administered anti psychotics. If Wentz were to die tomorrow his coffin would need to be fitted with a child-proof lid.

"Sorry I'm late," he says, entering the conference room, shaking hands. "I'll be your self-conscious rock star for the day." Paul Harries, Kerrang!'s photographer, tells the bassist that we don't have much time. Pointing the lens at his face he tells him it'll need to see his full repertoire of poses. The subject understands precisely what the photographer means, and as the flash lights zap before him he gives him just that. The camera loves Pete Wentz, even if at the moment Pete Wentz hates himself.

He's depressed. You'd never know.

"NOT TO beat up on the press," says Joe Trohman. "But they do tend to take one look at our band and and say, Pete Wentz is Fall Out Boy." Trohman is answering a question as to whether it grates on his nerves that the band's bass player is the one who garners most of the public attention. "Not at all, no. Pete is the public face of the band because we want him to be the public face of the band.

Would you be screwed without him?

[bestgameostcrownduel]

Round 1, Side A: Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers (2019) vs Kingdom Hearts 3 (2019)

FFXIV | Kingdom Hearts

Campaigns under the cut!

Campaign for FFXIV:

oh my god where do I start. Final Fantasy XIV (FFXIV) is an MMORPG that's been going on 2013, or 2010 if you count the trainwreck that the current FFXIV replaced (the 2010 version's music was composed mainly by Uematsu, 2013 onwards is mostly Soken). Thus its OST is FUCKING HUGE and spans a whole lot of genres. If you like any kind of music at all you can probably find at least one track that speaks to you in this game. FFXIV has a category of incredibly difficult fights called Ultimate, comprised of multiple short phases that each have their own music. Because of the nature of how Ultimates are structured, they're the only fights in FFXIV where the music can actually be timed to the mechanics. If you're not afraid of story spoilers, look up any ultimate's BGM and you can see how cool this effect is. (I can't listen to Under the Weight without also hearing the sound of every mechanic and tankbuster.) (My personal favorite ultimate, music-wise, is The Epic of Alexander. Back when I was progging the fight I used to fall asleep listening to the BGM.) To The Edge is so so special to everyone who loves FFXIV. It's the theme of a boss in Shadowbringers; I can't give details without also giving major spoilers, but I will say that the story and this song deal with the themes of death and loss. If you look up the lyrics, which aren't too spoilery without context, you'll get what I mean. What makes this extra emotional is that FFXIV's main composer, Soken, was in the hospital fighting cancer when he composed this song. (To be clear: he kept working because it provided him with a desperately needed sense of normalcy, not because he needed to.) No one on the dev team knew aside from Yoshi P, FFXIV's producer + director as well as Soken's personal friend; the rest of the team found out the same time the fans did, months after the fact when Soken was in full remission, at the 2021 FFXIV Fan Festival (FanFest). To The Edge was already widely beloved prior to this because it's an incredible banger tied to an incredible story moment, but knowing what was going on behind the scenes during its composition, in addition to the story and song's own themes surrounding death, turns it into a piece that no one can listen to without getting wildly emotional about it. At the same FanFest, before Soken announced that he fought cancer and won, he performed this live: https://youtu.be/aBt4zT_PBmw?si=SgzTV9BvINfA0b-U Absolute king shit. With Hearts Aligned is also so so so special to me because it's the song that plays in the 'victory lap' second phase against the final boss that caps off a nine year long story arc. It features a leitmotif from The Maker's Ruin, a song from 2013, that represents the player and is often used when we overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. There are no words that can describe the sheer fucking emotion of fighting the final boss of a nine year long story arc while listening to the leitmotif that represents YOU, a leitmotif that you first heard however many weeks or months or years ago when you first started playing this game. The ultimate triumph, and the ultimate song of hope. Also if you like leitmotifs, FFXIV has /so many leitmotifs/. Have a spreadsheet of them: https://x.com/EENlX/status/1686043012353396736?s=20 Also also, Alex Moukala on youtube does more in-depth analysis of some of the best tracks in FFXIV! Great videos, I highly recommend checking them out.

I would put the entire game's soundtrack if I could but there's a LOT. The album I listed is for the "postgame" of Shadowbringers. Of particular note is the song "To The Edge" which was written while the composer, Masayoshi Soken, was battling with cancer.

Campaign for KH3:

yoko shimomura, the GODDESS, the LEGEND, her composing skills never fail to amaze! kh music is so so goodddddd

I’m not good with propagandizing but the OST for this series is so good. For KH3, I love so much of the soundtrack. The Disney worlds have some great tracks, but the endgame and dlc has almost nothing but bangers.

[missdrummond]

Album 77 initial reaction 2

*spoilers*

First off it looks like the kidos are mad and honestly that feels like a good sign I'm going to like this episode. Serious Jay is one of my favorite types of episode. Also didn't know they had a ship name for them. I guess it makes sense that kids would ship them but like... anyway what does "I thought he really liked her mean?"

Begins the episode:

All right, I'm hyped! Let's go!

Sky? Wait no that's the news kid

The bushes?

No! No! No x14 Jay! Jay No! .... I'm calling it now if it's written by Abigail Geiger this episode is going to be great but if it's not I'm in for pain.

Ok two things

1 if Jay has actually been making her pay for ice cream... no that hasn't happened... that can't have happened. It's a joke... all I'll say is it better be a joke

2 I mean they have been kinda friends. They're at least good acquaintances. Don't get me wrong I completely understand if she want to stop being friends but with some of the previous episodes the did actually have some form of friendship. Not GOOD friends but still.

Poor Zoey

MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE YOU DON’T TREAT HER LIKE A FRIEND

yay good Whit

Buddy no. Also haven't we done part of this episode with Jay before? The listening thing was part of The Friend Formula, right? Although he wasn't the one learning the lesson in that episode...

this is going to be a room of consequence episode isn't it?

Called it

No way! Why is it literally the same as his last adventure, I love it

They're doing it...

16% oof

"But I pretend to because you're Zoey's 2nd best friend" Jay no!

No waaaaay! There actually doing it!

Jay had braces?

there have been a lot of Jay-no-s sprinkled through out this. And a lot of other various excited noises

Isn't that the place some kid died!!!! (A Lesson from Mike)

Your Friends!!!!! Friends "your friends know what's best for you" oof

No! No, Jay, No!

It's me. I'm the audience. Not really, I'm kidding, but...

WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT EXACTLY

We're getting close! He can do this, he can learn. I hear the despair of consequences now all we need is growth

"He might be able to tolerate you" Burnnnnn!

He's getting it x2 :0 is he crying?

you can do this AiO. We can stick this landing

I LISTEN first!

this is all great but it feels weird that Mr. Whittaker is technically putting it into her mouth. Feels kinda gross. He really needs to talk to the real Zoe. IT'S NOT A JOKE! 😭 you really need to talk to the real Zoe

OK... I'm not upset it's in the episode as it is an important element, but I'm not sure if she wasn't clear. She might not have been I'll check the episodes but honestly even if she was I'm not sure Jay was ready to listen up until this point. He needed something to put things in perspective.

Noooooo! They didn't... They pulled an Isaac the True Friends?!?!? I take all back this episode is perfect. No! Yes!

The apology!

He's crying, I'm crying, well not crying but definitely screaming. Thank you Abigail! You did it you actually did it!

I mean I guess that verse ties to the lesson but I might have set it up better

YEAH it was written by Abigail Geiger! If she wasn't my favorite writer before this she sure is now! Ack! Oy!

I really hope those kids talk to their parents and their parents are cool because they completely missed the point of the episode poor things.

This episode was amazing! I'm so happy!

[spinef0ryou]

Q and A interview with Will Ramos in Metal Hammer Magazine. Transcript under the cut.

ARE LORNA SHORE BRINGING DEATHCORE BACK?

Lorna Shore's growler-in-chief, Will Ramos, answers your questions on goblin screams, dream collabs and singing with a camera down his throat

SINCE WILL RAMOS joined Lorna Shore in 2021, the US deathcore band have been on a mission that's seen them leapfrog to the forefront of their scene. Will's mind-boggling vocal abilities have turbocharged them, and Hammer crowned last year's sprawling symphonic fourth record, Pain Remains, "the most essential deathcore album of the decade". Last summer, Will sang with a camera down his throat so we could all see what the hell was going on in there, but now, in his biggest challenge yet, he takes on your questions...

What's your favourite type of scream to do? - N4turalbornkll, Twitter

"They're called 'tunnel screams, like if you're going through a tunnel. But I like calling them 'goblin screams'. It's like two different tones going on at the same time. It sounds really cool."

What bands got you into metal? - Ben Ryan, Facebook

"Linkin Park was definitely one of them. Meteora... freaking Hybrid Theory! I listen to albums from my childhood all the time - I still love them and they still hold up; Bullet For My Valentine, Lamb Of God, AFI... I had a couple of friends that listened to metal that I used to play videogames with, and one of the bands they played me was AFI. One song, Affliction, was just straight-up screaming the entire song. I was like, This. Is. Crazy?' Then my friend said, 'Dude, here's a bunch of bands that you should check out?' It was Lamb Of God, Whitechapel, Linkin Park."

How long do you think you'll be able to maintain your iconic screaming voice? Ten years? Thirty? Forever - Nettels_, Twitter

"I haven't fallen off yet. I don't know. Hopefully forever, but every day I make a joke, I'm like, This is the one. This is going to be the last one, this is it!"

What other genres do you love? - Jordan Bonvicino, Facebook

"I don't listen to a lot of metal so much anymore. I was looking at my Spotify Wrapped from last year... It was ap, psychedelic rock, indie music, and metal was fourth. I love bands like [Japanese singer-songwriter] Joji. I love Mac Miller. I love Drake. And I love sad music, so stuff like (post-hardcore artist] Bilmuri. They're metal, but they're also very sing-y. And I like that because now that I've been doing so much screaming in my life, I want to get better at something that's not screaming - so, singing. That's the next tier for me right now."

Are Lorna Shore bringing deathcore back? - Ed Burns, email

“I don't know if we're 'bringing it back'. We're doing really good for ourselves, and I love that people are hopping onto the train. That's incredible. Ilove that it's inspiring other people to even do more metal music. I just do what I do and I can't think about what I'm doing. I still can't look at myself in the mirror and be like, 'That's one of the big guys."

Hammer: Who were 'the big guys' to you?

“The ones that inspired me were late Suicide Silence vocalist] Mitch Lucker, Phil Bozeman (Whitechapell and Trevor Strnad (late Black Dahlia Murder vocalist]."

Do you avoid certain foods before singing, and if so, which ones? - Matt Doherty, Facebook

"I'd say eat light foods - if you eat something crazy heavy, you're going to feel very tired. I have maybe a slice of pizza, but you won't see me eating five or six slices. Ilove ramen and ramen is something that I'd have all the time when I'm on tour just because it's spicy, so it clears your nasal passages and it's soup, so it's good for your stomach."

What's your favourite Lorna Shore breakdown? - Undeado8, Twitter

"I think it would be Hollow Sentence off Immortal (2020 album, featuring ex-vocalist C] McCreery]. If we're talking about the newer stuff, Sun//Eater is definitely my favourite breakdown. It's the hardest song in the set. We have a sample of a katana [samurai sword] coming out and slicing something open. This specific sound is the unsheathing of the sword. It's halfway in, where the breakdown gets even heavier, so I just imagine a moshpit of people with inflatable swords killing each other."

Would you ever re-record Immortal? - Corey Hunter, Facebook

"I have, and I'm doing it for myself. I made a Patreon, and I told myself, I'm going to start redoing all of the old Lorna Shore albums."

Hammer: Would the band ever re-release the older albums with you on vocals?

"As a band we wouldn't - we want to have forward momentum. Art is always going to get better as long as you don't go back and start fixing things. We're like, 'What's the next thing? I'll put out Immortal on my own, but that's it."

What is your favourite song on Pain Remains? - Alex Chiczewski, Facebook

"Pain Remains I: Dancing Like Flames. It's the saddest one. I told you, Ilove sad music! You get to a point where you listen to breakdowns so many times, you become a little numb to them. For me, the only thing that holds me onto music after the breakdowns, is how do I feel about it? It's not about the melody or the breakdown. It's hearing the lyrics and I feel what this person is feeling and that it feels real. That's why I love Pain Remains I - it's the most genuine."

What is your best advice for dealing with crippling depression? - Zare Ralf Karadzin, Facebook

"Distract myself. Everyone alwavs sees me as Labradoodle Will. That's great, but I'm just like everybody out there and everybody gets sad sometimes. I dealt with depression a lot when I was a little kid, and if there's anything that's helped me, it was trying to distract myself with things Ilike to do, whether it be screaming or my little RC (remote control] cars, or playing Minecraft. Take everything day by day... conquer this day. Then you know tomorrow is another day, and you beat that day. Eventually you start putting yourself in the cycle where you'll have more good days than you have bad days."

What bands would you like to collab with in the future? - Notabumbleb88, Twitter

"Id love to collaborate with Sleep Token. They're my favourite freaking band right now. They are so incredibly good; Vessel and I have very similar singing ranges, too. Also, I Declare War, because they're just so incredibly heavy... In Flames... and Ilove Oceano - their vocalist Adam Warren is so good."

Hammer: What do you think a Sleep Token/Lorna Shore collab would sound like?

"It’d be insane. I don't know if our fans would love it, but I would. Let's go!"

What does it mean to you to be the Latino/Hispanic representation of deathcore and heavy music in general? - Shaun Fontanez, Facebook

“It's incredibly stressful. I don't speak Spanish, so a lot of Hispanic people will come up to me just like, 'Yo, dude, I'm so happy that you're here; you're Hispanic, I'm Hispanic!' I'm like, 'Thanks, man, appreciate that. I'm going to tell you right now I don't speak Spanish' and see that shock on their face. I do wish to speak more Spanish. I am a bad Puerto Rican... Or maybe I am the perfect Puerto Rican, because if you know anything about Puerto Ricans, half of them also don't speak Spanish. So, shout out to Puerto Rico."

How does it feel to have such a sudden and rapid growth in notoriety? - Christopher Andrew Ryan, Facebook

"It has been very big. Honestly, it's an incredible thing to see. We're very happy that we're all able to live off the art that we're putting out, not a lot of people can sav that. We're so caught up in the race, though, we're focused on what's next so that we can stay up here. If we fall off, you can only get to this point once, and then you lose it. We're trying to ride it for as long as we can."

How difficult was it singing with a camera down your throat? - Andy Pierce, email

"I didn't think it was going to sound good at all because I was so numb and mucus-y. When you’re doing vocals, you don't want mucus because it gets in the way and you can't even feel anything down there. It's almost like if you sang out loud and you just covered your ears, and you couldn't hear what you're putting out. That's what it felt like! Hopefully it'll be better next time (now I know what to expect!)”

PAIN REMAINS IS OUT NOW VIA CENTURY MEDIA. LORNA SHORE PLAY DOWNLOAD IN JUNE

[imightgetbetter]

The Met Gala

hiiiiiiiii. welcome to rory and matty's universe. i'm actually really obsessed with their dynamic and their story and this is just kind of a taste of what they're like together (a publicity nightmare) and how they interact but also how much they love each other. we'll start getting into it closer to the summer (i'm going to start writing the whole story this month!!!!) and i'm really excited to know what you think. please be nice! if you don't like it, that's fine! i will still be writing love it if we made it, so if you like reader insert, you have that too. i am very excited for this, though. i love rory. she's so cool. i hope you enjoy. as always, leave your feedback and tell me what you think!!! love you all!!!!

Under the lights of the hotel vanity, Rory’s eyes are glittering in a metallic golden shine, a complimentary look to the flecks of gold that are embedded and sewn into the sheer overlay that adorns her body, her skin a shade darker after her most recent visit to an island meant to be home away from the gloomy city she lives in, a place to write her next album that Dirty Hit and Jamie were most patiently (rather impatiently, she would argue) awaiting. On her six-week stint in Capri, Rory received a call from none other than Anna Wintour herself, inviting her to the Met Gala for her very first major appearance on a star-studded carpet. Rory never quite liked the idea of The Met; The Grammys, The Brits, The Arias, even, have all seen Rory in her very best, but there was something about celebrities celebrating awful people in designer gowns that rubbed her the wrong way.

Her attitude towards being a celebrity was similar to that of Matty’s, something the two of them bonded over many times, something they shared in their experience being a couple under a microscope of sorts. Her attitude towards this event, and many others, usually leads to a polite decline and nothing more of it but knowing that this call had been approved through her manager first, and therefore was more of a ‘you’re going to do this’ rather than a ‘would you like to do this’ question, her reply was nothing short of a, “I would be delighted! Thank you so much for the invitation. May I bring a guest?”

And that brings everyone to this very moment, where Rory and Matty are dragging themselves kicking and screaming to The Met Gala.

“Do you think if I just ignore every interviewer on the carpet, I won’t have to say anything to anyone?” Rory shouts to Matty from the stool in front of the only window in the hotel room.

“Can you sit still for five seconds?” Kiara grumbles, rolling her eyes as Rory squints her eyes and purposefully moves her head. “You’re so difficult, you know that?”

“You’ve been telling me for ages,” she smiles, pursing her lips and sitting upright, letting her add the finishing touches to the makeup without any further issues. Matty and Jamie are talking in the bathroom, something about behaving and keeping his mouth shut, letting her do all the talking. Rory knows Matty isn’t going to abide by that very well. He’s never been one to keep his opinions to himself. It’s one of the things that she’s most fond of. “Love, how much longer do we have?”

“You’ve got,” Matty shouts back, checking his phone and stepping out into the hallway, his eyes immediately softening at the sight of her, “you’ve got about fifteen minutes, darling. You look stunning. Holy shit. You’ve outdone yourself, Keeks.”

“All in a day’s work,” Kiara smiles, kissing his cheek and setting all of the tools in her kit that’s splayed across the table in the corner. “It’s time for you to get dressed. You have to be downstairs in twelve minutes. Matty is, for once in your career, ready before you, which is actually kind of sad.”

“Hey! I didn’t want to be responsible for anyone getting held up. Jamie will have my head if we’re late for the shuttle over. Not to mention, I need a drink. Quickly.”

“How considerate of you, Matthew.” Rory takes Matty’s outstretched hands and stands from the wooden stool, her tightly curled hair falling over her shoulders. “Out you two, I’m going to get dressed and then we can head downstairs.”

“I see you naked all the time, I should be allowed to stay.”

“Out!” Rory says sternly, pointing towards the door and giving an encouraging nod to her boyfriend whose eyebrows are quirked on his forehead and his mouth is turned down, less than impressed with the demand. “Matty, seriously.”

Matty rolls his eyes, “Fine.” Grabbing his phone and a room key, he and Jamie step outside, the neatly pressed navy-blue suit and textured tie sitting perfectly around his neck, the pearls adhered to the collar of the suit jacket making for the perfect accessory. His hair is neatly combed, and the single grey strand is falling in his face, a detail that Rory will fawn over when they’re alone.

Rory and Kiara tape her chest accordingly, the baby blue textured and tweed suit buttoned seamlessly at the center of her abdomen, the pants sitting at her waist, hugging her sides in the perfect manner. Mattias June, an up-and-coming fashion student from the institute in London, knew exactly what she would want, what would look best on her, and the execution was exactly what they had hoped for. Rory and Matty were on theme without praising or recreating looks, which was what they aspired for and spoke about.

The last thing that Rory wanted was for her attendance to be misconstrued for ignorance.

Grabbing her sunglasses and the designed handbag, Rory stepped out of the hotel room and locked eyes with Matty, a smile spreading across his face at the sight of her. He simply would never get used to it, knowing that she was all his. Many years of secret pining led him to this, a luxury of living.

“Do not make a scene, you two,” Jamie warns as they walk through the hallways and head downstairs, the crowd outside the hotel already beginning to scream and shout with the murmurs of their names being said for the paparazzi outside. “Courteous and professional. Please.”

“I always am, Jamie.”

“I’m not worried about you, Aurora.”

Rory laughs and takes a deep breath, moments like this will never not be surreal. Matty and Jamie talk for a moment longer, but she’s in her head, preparing herself for the interviews that she doesn’t want to give and the answers she’ll have to. Despite her feelings about this, Rory recognizes the privilege and the honor it is to be here, to be able to go, to give someone’s fashion a chance to shine on the carpet. Rory would remember this for a lifetime, a moment that her art is so widely recognized that she’s walking amongst celebrities she’s watched and listened to for years on the same carpet. A one of a kind ‘I Made It’ moment to last forever.

One moment to last forever, mainly because Rory knows that she will never do this again.

“Are you ready, love?” Matty wonders, grabbing her hand and nodding towards the sea of people waiting outside for their debut.

“I’m neither drunk nor high enough for this,” Rory says honestly, shoving the sunglasses into her hair and tilting her head down ever so slightly to whisper into his ear, “I need six shots to make it through this carpet with all these fake pretentious celebrities.”

Matty laughs, “I will get you a shot as soon as we make it off the carpet.”

“Promise?”

“On my life.”

Rory accepts this compromise with a nod of her head, lacing their hands together and waving at Jamie (as he will be taking a separate car to the venue) and taking the first steps towards the walkway. Overwhelming amounts of flashing lights accompany their walk outside the hotel, screaming of their names as they walk to the bus and Matty lends out his hand to assist her inside (walking in heels is not her strong suit), the flashing subsiding when the door is shut behind them. Matty, Rory and the others inside the van make small talk, Rory holding the handbag facing her body to ensure that no one could directly read it right away. Mattias and Rory created what she felt would be a statement to make with this year’s theme, a statement that would surely keep her out of talks for returning events, but she didn’t really mind, as long as what she had to say was said.

Outside The Met, thousands of people are crowded around to see who’s outside, who’s wearing what, and who might come about. All Rory can think about is making it through the interviews, getting through the awkward part of the night and getting to the party, where she can sing and drink and talk with her favorite company. Matty holds out his hand for her when they step out of the van, making sure that she’s stable on her feet before they begin making their way towards the carpet. Calling cards are shouting out their names announcing their arrival, and the number of cameras that are flashing are enough to blind a person, Rory’s sure of it.

“I am too sober for this, right now,” Matty says through a tight-lipped smile, his hand wrapped around Rory’s waist, holding her close to him. He kisses her forehead, smiling at her as she agrees with him.

“Me too.”

Matty is tugged away for photos of himself, and Rory is whisked away to interviews with Vogue and Rolling Stone before she could properly prepare herself. Jamie opted Matty out of interviews – to save everyone the trouble – and Rory knew that she should be professional and diplomatic, but all she really wanted was to be honest.

“Hello! How are you? You look absolutely stunning,” the interviewer says warmly, and Rory can immediately feel the professionalism leave her body. “I love the handbag.”

“Thank you! Mattias June, who designed this whole look, he and I thought it would be a perfect touch,” Rory smiles, the sunglasses perched on her nose, only giving the slightest peak at the glittering makeup underneath. “I don’t really think we should be celebrating and honoring such horrible people, but what do I know? I’m not really a fashion trendsetter myself, you know? I’m doing this all for the plot. All for a good story.” Rory gestures down to the handbag held in front of her, the stitching on the side reading: STOP HONORING BAD PEOPLE.

Matty walks towards Rory, smiling brightly as she continues talking to the interview about what it means to be invited and how wonderful it is to be with the company of her friends at such a prestigious event. By the look on her face, Matty is sure that Rory said something that will get her in trouble tomorrow, but it’s something he admires about her, she’s never been short of determined to speak her mind. Rory steps off the platform and grabs Matty’s hand immediately, squeezing him as their fingers lace together and nodding towards the entrance of the building.

“Are you ready to get absolutely trashed with me? That’s the only way I’ll suffer through this intolerable event.”

“I thought you’d never ask, my darling.”

[fuckknowledgeandideas]

BTW i have been listening to the everything everything song u replied to my ask w AND ITS SOOOOOOOOO FAUCKING GOOOOOOOD

HELL YES I'M SO GLAD.... Everything Everything my favorite band of the world....

ALSO I'll derail this ask (sorry! you fell into my music trap) to make recommendations on how to get into their stuff since they have quite a few albums now ^-^ I'll go in order of most accessible album to least :

Get To Heaven : Their best album and probably their most well known one.. I started with this one so of course I am biased BUT. it is the most consistent one in terms of song quality in my opinion. It has a lot of very abrasive sounds, prominent bass (for the bassheads in the crowd <3), same with the drums, the singer makes a lot of funny sounds like eehee and ahaaa! and ooh!!, it's a good time. Notable songs (by that I mean my favorites) : (Well the thing is. The entirety is good. Just don't listen to No Reptiles it's stupid. HOWEVER,) Regret, Spring/Sun/Winter/Dread, Blast Doors, Hapsburg Lippp and Only As Good As My God are my big preferences in there. If you like quieter song listen to the others in priority I'd say. OH OH AND WHEEL. You should check The Wheel, see if it's turning now etc BONUS : BANGING CONCERT with BANGING RECORDING HERE https://youtu.be/qYAFCVlLWIk as a wise man once said : "I hope they got some nasty fucking sloppy after this sessio,n"

Man Alive : Baby's very first album!! This one I would say is quite depressing but quite catchy as well.. Half of the songs in there are a bit too empty to my personal taste BUUUUT the other half has a talent to make me writhe and cry on the flour. Augh. The sounds are lighter in this one but our good friend mister Johnathan Every love to yell so much it compensates largely. Notable songs : MY KZ UR BF, Qwerty Finger, Schoolin', Photoshop Handsome, Suffragette Suffragette, Come Alive Diana, and from the deluxe version I would say the most important ones to check out are DNA Dump and Wizard Talk BONUS : They collaborated with an ensemble for a concert check it out definitely they're so small in it and they are having so much fun and and there is a brass section it is so charming https://youtu.be/oCH_YGD7oDc AND you should check the demo of MY KZ UR BF. It makes me SAD! https://youtu.be/VaoHgQts5ek The roughness of it only conveys the message of it better and they have chimes in it. It's GOOD.

Raw Data Feel : Most recent released album, and it's about how we love phone more than god. Kind of. I'd describe this one as having a very dreamlike quality. It talks about apocalypse and robots and computers and how they are "terrifying and a bit sexy". They really said that. I wouldn't say it sounds more electronic than the others but it has a "blurred" artificial layer to it that makes it very unique. OH AND they did something cool with ai stuff before everyone else so props to them for that. Notable songs : Bad Friday, Pizza Boy, Metroland Is Burning, Leviathan and HEX. MY GOD LISTEN TO HEX. IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD.

Arc : A mixed bag of mehh songs and really REALLY STRONG ONES. Maybe the most sadness inducing album of theirs. It REEKS of despair. Badly. I'm saying that as a good thing. Album that feels like the dusty attic of deceased loved ones on a cold spring morning.. Notable songs : Cough Cough, Torso Of The Week, Choice Mountain, Undrowned, Radiant LISTEN TO RADIANT GOD. If you like those check Kemosabe, No Plan and Justice too. I like these very much.

A Fever Dream : ARGUABLY THEIR WORSE ALBUM. It's very quiet and empty except for a few tunes. I do think it has a very particular atmosphere that I personally ended up warming up to. Don't look up the meanings for the lyrics it's all kind of boring I think you should think about characters instead. Notable songs : Night Of The Long Knives, Desire, Good Shot Good Soldier, Run The Numbers. <- The most impactful songs to me. White Whale makes me very sad if I think about it too. Wahh

RE-ANIMATOR : It's fine. I don't have very strong opinions on this one. It has some really good songs in it. I think the thing with this one is the lyrics are a lot simpler than the others and I like the weirdness better. But it still is worth checking out those guys know how to make music. Notable songs : Big Climb, Planets, Black Hyena, Violent Sun. BONUS : They released SUPERNORMAL as a single around the time of that album and it's better than a good portions of the songs in it so check it out lol. The other single released for this album is the worst song they ever made don't worry about it.

BONUS OF BONUS : There's a playlist of a bunch of unreleased/demos/B-sides on youube if you are really motivated to check many things, some of them were in the Man Alive deluxe version though. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYCuy2Tpolc8GY7GQYX5_uYdgYpftKQ7V

Uhh I might have forgotten things but. If you don't know them that's a starting point that you can bounce off of. Have fun with tunes yayy <3

[hongtiddiez]

it is lore-anon back to scream in your inbox again. Thank you for the second link! Yes, I can see it if the individual tweet is linked directory (otherwise twitter bans you from seeing comments and retweets and threads if you're not logged into an account and I continue to want to pitch them out a window for it because I refuse to make one). I read the other four entries but then it was 2AM and I needed to go to bed. But now I am back and

OH NO. I don't know who's entry hurts the worst, (its not supposed to be a stomp on my heart contest guys)

When I watched the Work mv for the first time I had a little moment of 'ha ha Hongjoong and Mingi are out there fighting A Monster Of Capitalism' moment with the money-kaiju. But they really are out there literally fighting A Monster of Capitalism akjghlkadjhgla. My heart. (This is why I am here, for the brilliance of how they can play something off as silly or casual in an mv but they've layered so much metaphor, foreshadowing, and worldbuilding up at this point that if you're a lore person suddenly a lot of little casual throwaway things are the OPPOSITE of casual)

Because, ok, I got an arts degree right? So when they first announced the name of the new era was Golden Hour I was like 'as in the photography term Golden Hour?' because this was a very interesting choice given Golden Hour, and then the names of the album versions came out and instead of A-Diary-Z suddenly it was Blue Hour-Diary-Golden Hour I flipped my shit because that basically confirmed they DID mean the photography concept. And they're SO intentional about everything I was like 'ok, where does golden hour lighting vs blue hour lighting show up in past mv's, out of curiosity?'

(Because, like. I have an offline 'lore' playlist I've setup on my comp so I can watch all the teasers-intros-mvs-outros for all of the mvs together in one place back to back in the order they were released so it makes it easy to check when something new suddenly ties back to something previous. It's over 5 hours at this point. I love them, they feed us so well).

Go back. Watch everything from Pirate King in order. Unlike other kpop groups that go ham on the coloured gels to create mood and atmosphere, ATEEZ basically, dead-on consistently, all the way back to 2018, through Every. Single. Video have essentially 5 types of lighting they shoot scenes with for 95% of the mv shots: that really warm-cast sunrise/sunset golden hour light, the extremely cool-cast twilight blue hour light, a neutral light that is incredibly bright to the point of almost over-exposing the scene, black and white, and BATHED-IN-RED-cast. (The only exceptions are a couple shots that use coloured gels in Turbulence especially Wooyoung PETER-PANNING INTO THE SKY ON THE AIRPORT RUNWAY THAT HAS NO NEW CONTEXT WHATSOEVER NOW, Hongjoong's part in Halazia with the background purple lighting, a couple of shots in Deja Vu, and the deliberate use of gels to simulate all the neon lights in Bouncy. But even then the use of gels in these places REALLY stand out because it is NOT their norm).

And, I would argue, given looking at WHICH scenes in each mv use which type of lighting, because they have been SO consistent about it-

That they have been using lighting temperature to separate something happening in the A world vs the Z world vs dreams vs memories vs recorded-electronically-transmitted messages vs the points where one or more of these has met a point where its merging with a different one, (they have referenced mobius strips TOO MANY TIMES for me to treat the A and Z worlds as separate universes. Oh no, we are playing with 1 or more magic relics at this point and timelines are starting to bleed, Halazia-universe being a created as a literal side-effect in itself,) and the mvs haven't just been telling ONE timeline of events for that mv, but MULTIPLE. At. The. Same. Time. (I swear I could write a 10k essay on how they've used their lighting for world-building up to this point that went unnoticed until they took a megaphone and basically went 'hey, golden hour? blue hour? maybe pay attention to that ho ho' and wrecked me).

Because, like, for fever forward, the mv and the diary version always reference each other, right? but in some mv's I have to look at the mv and then back at the diary version and something on the screen

Whereas the diary versions have only ever been from the A-world pirates perspective. So we know which events are THEIR timeline from their point of view.

and the parts from the mv that don't "fit" as creative interpretations of the diary's contents? They DO tend to make sense if you take it as how the main themes of the diary are/were playing out but for the Z-world pirates at potentially a different point in THEIR personal Z-world timeline.

Maybe its my deep-in-the-lore-sauce-analysis delulu, but like, maybe the Z-world pirates are dead as far as the A-World pirates are currently aware, in their part of their timeline. But I would bet my hat that the Z-pirates are not dead-dead in the larger fabric of the multiple connected universes. There are way too many pointed bits of foreshadowing and too many deliberate loose ends from past mvs that have not been tied off yet for me to believe we've really seen the last of them yet, (this is probably another unhinged 10k essay on my part).

I mean, I am currently convinced that Answer timeline-wise takes place AFTER whatever happens in the Golden Hour era, (that most of the events from the Treasure-era mv's actually belong much later in their timeline than we currently think they do, actually).

And we know who's at the table toasting in Answer.

hey lore anon! sorry, i've been fighting a 2 day headache and work and my brain is basically sludge~ please don't ever apologize for getting excited tho! seeing people get excited about stuff they're passionate about is my fav thing and i've definitely been in my friends dms theorycrafting and spewing some insane shit lmao

i could NOT believe how much of the work mv became lore, especially with hongjoong and mingi!! like!! and the food truck theme! ugh, ugh, ugh. ill never be over how they can take insane shit like bouncy and work and turn it into actually gut wrenching lore. like how??

i absolutely love all your theories and my god you're way smarter than me on the filming and lighting lmao all i have to guide me is literary devices and narrative patterns (written word is the only place i excel in life RIP)

i cannot WAIT to see the path the lore is taking, they really keep us guessing at every turn and that's what got me hooked and ruined my life in february lol

please ALWAYS feel free to climb in my dms either here or discord or wherever if you want! or pls always feel free to send me asks!!

happy golden hour!!!

[fucktheark]

(some) creepypasta/marble hornets music hcs :)

these are mostly from my own playlist they aren't accurate at all this is just 4 funsies lololol

also i highly doubt anyone will even see this post but if u do drop a song rec plz im struggling finding new music </3

tim (specifically him cs masky is too busy going apeshit 4 music)

old man music but like cool old man music (this is just what my father listens to LOL)

thinks he's got peak taste and snickers at everybody else's song choices

breathe - pink floyd

pet sematary - ramones

the chain - fleetwood mac

aerials - soad

lover, you should've come over - jeff buckley

hoodie

i pulled this out of my ass tbh but imagine 80s fan brian

kinda likes lil peep but would never tell a soul cs he thinks he's too old for it

doesn't rly share his music with anyone bcs he's afraid they're not gonna clown him for it

she's in parties - bauhaus

the brightside - lil peep

the ghost in you - psychedelic furs

messages - a flock of seagulls

hotel california - the eagles (cz y not)

jane

i never rly obsessed over her so this is js based on the vibes i get from the art i've seen of her (so pretty bruh)

echolalia - faetooth

nine while nine - sisters of mercy

closet - fleshwater

engine no. 9 - deftones

frigid and spellbound - spectral wound

nina

no way totally unexpected music

i think eventually she grew out of screamo and scene but never rly let emo go entirely

acid - ghost town

get away with murder - jeffree star (yikes)

what you need - bmth

freaxx - brokencyde (she's been in love with this album since it came out)

vampires will never hurt you - mcr

jeff

i like think that after what he did to his family he just kinda checked out from earth and stopped keeping up with most pop culture, so he's still listening to the same music he did back then.

peak edgy middle schooler vibes

never tires of his playlist

every now and again he comes across something new and gets obsessed with it immediately and probably forever

yen - slipknot

makedamnsure - taking back sunday

don't go - bmth

tourniquet - marilyn manson

crewcabanger - chelsea grin

toby

I-C-P FOREVER WITH THE JUGGALOSSSSSS

still enjoys twiztid even after the beef but secretly because it makes him feel like a poser

also likes jeff buckley but feels kinda cringe for it

the stalker - icp

house of mirrors - icp

my 1st time - dark lotus

2nd hand smoke - twiztid

grace - jeff buckley

liu

same reasoning as jane i know like nothing about this dude and even less about sully so i'm not even gonna attempt .

i fw his vibe tho

eye - smashing pumpkins

the man who sold the world - nirvana

heaven - talking heads

the sickness - imminence (he's gotta be a lil emo come on)

siamese twins - the cure

eyeless jack

this one is kinda hard tbh but considering his hypersensitivity to sound, i feel like he wouldn't enjoy anything too noisy

likes songs with a lot of bass because he can feel the bass reverberating through his body when he wears headphones

soft/airy vocals!!!! he hates screaming

doesn't rly stick with a specific genre just whatever makes his ears tingle lol

a forest - the cure

dark stone - holy fawn

hide and seek #1 - plastic tree

the thing - pixies

collabo - june freedom

BEN

bitch spends so much time on the internet he discovers new music every day

listens to everything but tries to flex the really obscure shit he finds in the depths of youtube (he wants to be cool but it's kind of pathetic.)

his playlist is MASSIVE and a mess, he usually has to skip through half of it before finding something he actually likes

i don't know why but he'd be into haunted mound

plays the majora's mask soundtrack when he can't think of anything to listen to

husqrider - turnabout

fentanylism - opiated devilsperm

starting over - lsd and the search for god

gou zin zan goku - deviloof

ugliest - $uicideboy$

laughing jack

he's old af and probably doesn't get modern music tbh

classical music it is

and opera

i'm not gonna make a whole playlist but he really loves erlkönig because of the story lol

[anomalocariscanadensis]

black metal 🎶 counter-attack!

black metal is one of my favorite genres. screams and tremolos just rub my brain the right way for whatever reason, i love them outside of black metal too (tho i can be picky with vocals especially). plus it's the faggiest subgenre of extreme metal - how many death metal bands would name a song some shit like "Tears of a Melancholic Vampyre"? it's got a lot of theatrical elements, and I tend to judge black metal albums by their overall vibe along with the music.

before i get into the recs, famously and unfortunately, a lot of people in black metal suck in a lot of ways. i generally don't worry too much about this because i'm pirating most of it anyway, but i've checked these ones out and as far as i can tell, none of them suck in any especially bad ways. with that out of the way here are some favorites of mine:

Spectral Wound - Frigid and Spellbound - melodic but uncompromising black metal that sticks within the classic vein, particularly influenced by Gorgoroth and the Finnish scene. one of the few black metal bands with good lyrics, inspirations including Walter Benjamin, Ingmar Bergman, Giorgio Agamben, and Kate Bush. this song is their catchiest, with some really good melodic riffs. no left theorists show up directly within its lyrics, which are instead about the beauty of a frozen river, and a Grindr hookup ("Come to me anon/Deranged and defiled/Twisting in dark passions/Of the cruel nauseous hours").

Mortuary Drape - Not Still Born (The Unborn Plane) - founded in the late 80s, this Italian band is one of the best of the "first wave" of black metal, from when it was all sort of a soup of black/death/whatever. they're influenced by occult rock and their sound predates the Norwegian codification of the standard black metal style, so they're light on the blast beats, tremolo riffs, and Satanism and heavy on the bass, necromancy, and occultism. though not nearly as influential as Bathory or Celtic Frost, they've inspired a decent few bands in their own right. this one's about getting reincarnated.

Yaotl Mictlan - Nada Verde Crece Aquí - one of the first songs that got me into the genre, and still a favorite. melodic folk/black metal which makes good use of some indigenous flutes, not a lot of blast beats. lyrics are derived from one of the Nahuatl flower-songs of Nezahuacoyotl, about the impermanence of all things on earth.

Paysage d'Hiver - Welt Aus Eis - the most common word used to describe Paysage d'Hiver is "cold". it's stark and minimal, riding the line between atmospheric and ambient, and barely produced: i once saw someone complaining about being able to distinguish the instruments on a newer album of theirs (or should I say his? it's a one-man project). these days, i get it. everything in this song blends together into an entrancing whole, only broken by snatches of croaking and cackling carried on a freezing wind, and (twice) a beautifully dissonant violin. the lyrics are never comprehensible or transcribed, but conceptually it's about winter and a mysterious spiritual journey, as all their songs are.

Deafheaven - Dream House - You already know this song. It's really good! Takes some of the musical elements of black metal, reconfigures others (more complex drumming, different sorts of melodies in the riffs), and completely changes the aesthetics while still keeping a coherent vibe overall.

Odz Manouk - To Feast on Celestial Bodies - the (one-man) band's name is Armenian for "Snake Child", from a folk tale about a royal couple whose baby was born a serpent. hypnotic dissonant riffs, harsh but clear vocals (with an interesting sort of singing at times), production that's neither too raw nor too clean. super cool song title also. if you go deeper into their music, the split with Tuukaria is not to be missed.

Negative Plane - Angels of Veiled Bone - one of the bands inspired by Mortuary Drape, they take the occult sound and bring it closer to modern black metal while adding a ton of reverb for atmosphere. the vocalist is really good at putting emphasis on the right points in the lyrics, which makes the vocals much more memorable than the average amorphous harsh vox. members' side projects Funereal Presence and Occultation are also excellent.

Iron Firmament - Keepeater - the production on this EP is so bad that the drums mostly just sound like a strobing effect on the rest of the instruments, which is honestly really cool. they've got some more EPs which lose that effect for better or worse. this song is - as you might expect - about covering the sky with iron plates, and a giant serpent that eats castles. i can't make out enough lyrics to tell how those two themes are related.

Gevurah - Dies Irae Lacrimosa - Gevurah are insanely pretentious "orthodox" Satanists (they worship Satan as a literal god, not a symbol of human will or whatever). their theology is some sort of Gnostic anti-cosmic occult shit, which as it turns out makes for really fucking sick black metal. the drums are doing a lot here but the real highlight to me is the boiling tremolo riff that starts a minute in (and gets brought back later with a vengeance). there's one part when it's just the vocalist shouting in a Quebec accent that pushes the cheese factor a bit too far, but the rest is really great.

[helenewate]

hello olivia i hope you are well. i checked your website recently, and i just wanted to say that it looks very cool!

i think you shared some descriptive blurbs or like a summary of "the hauntings" before, so i was already pretty interested since i really like your writing, but the photos made me so much more into it! you describe it as a "multimedia project", which i'm sort of curious about. you mention things like newspaper clippings, poetry, and diary entries, and whole i assumed that the diary entries and poetry is yours, i was wondering if the newspaper clippings were your own creations, or if you were choosing articles from the time period, to sort of follow real life events as the story unfolds? regardless, it has piqued my interest quite a bit, especially the collage style, and i can imagine it gives the story a richness that only a combination of formats can really hit!

secondly, i read your poem "spare room" and it was so beautiful. i loved the atmospheric language, and the little details of the room like the wall paper and the creaks, all added up to such a humanising picture of mothers. the last 4 lines of the second verse made my heart break a little, at the way women are made to chase youth, at the terribleness of not knowing what'll happen when your 40, at wishing you could warn or comfort your younger self, at how our parents are living for the first time too, how, at the end of the day, they were young kids too. I know i am essentially repeating the themes of your poem back to you, but i am trying to stress that 1) you were able to spell them out so clearly that i felt them in a rush of emotion and 2) that you have captures something quite universal in the particularity of your grandmother's house. just calling the mother's old bedroom a "spare room" made me feel indignant on behalf of the mother. it made me think of my own maternal grandfather's home in pakistan, and really made me think of my mother and the person she was to her parents, to her sisters, what family meant to her and what it became. my mom and her sisters sold the house when he passed away, and it recently went up for sale again, and i was horrified to see that the owners had hgtv-ified it. your poem reminded me of what my mother looked in her father's room.

you are such a wonderful writer, which i'm sure you know, and i have faith in you and your manuscript, any publisher would be lucky to publish your work. best of luck to you in all your endeavors!!

p.s i love your photos! they're really beautiful, and evocative of the era, and make me miss and cherish a family history i don't even have! i believe this one is my favourite!

yayyy this makes me so happy to hear! the purpose of the website was really to immerse anyone thinking of reading into the world they'll be diving into. I've been very particular and specific about the photos I take/use because I have it all mapped out so clearly in my head

I'm looking forward to the colder seasons so I can show a little bit of the more desolate side of the book. I'm hoping to add another page to the site as a "photo album" almost and have a chronological depiction of the seasons and years (but I have to upgrade to premium first, I'm so poor)

the newspaper clippings in the book are all written by me! they're used to show a little more of the town and the people living there, and how they sort of behave/view the world.

"spare room" is one of my favorite poems that I've written. I actually wrote it when I was watching sharp objects one night and I wrote that little blurb on here about how your grandma's house can feel so eerie and comforting at the same time.

similarly, when my grandma passed, my uncle sold the house that my mom and uncles grew up in. they moved there in 1977 and lived there until 2022, and I got to go through one last time, but I wish I would've taken more pictures

my biggest thing with the whole "immersive" side of my book is keeping things authentic, so I'm happy to hear it's all convincing! lol I've been very strict about research and making sure things are of the time they're supposed to be

the photo you attached was taken on a whim! I took my shoes off to walk up a hill, and I turned back to where my sister was taking a picture of me, and I yelled at her to bring me my camera because I saw my shoes sitting in beam of light and loved the image! it's meant to display the youth and innocence of the narrator, but there's an eeriness to it that leads you to believe that innocence is being tainted.

thank you for being so kind, as always ⭐️ and thank you for talking to me about my book :)

[oraclemoontarot]

ahh ur cool to chat with.

im sure kpop has set ways but lately im uncertain as to what they are aiming for... loved enhypens recent comeback it was so cool, did u see it yet? but again theyre an other group I can only really like and its so strange to me when theres teens who r obviously much younger than myself overly obsessing and being possesive over the idols bc i had exactly the same stance about western bgs during the 00s. now im kind of just enjoying them for the music and dont feel the need to deeply obsess over every detail but tarot blogs r so fun to ask qs and find out stuff we couldnt find out about one direction etc etc. it honestly seems so long ago the 00s and its weird bc when u find a new group and theyre so young i have to check difference in age gaps nowadays (lowkey wish there wasnt an age concept at all in society bc then it wouldnt matter). but ngl it is so awkward, like even seeing how ppl nowadays still flock to harry styles home town (yes also did that myself). yet kpop in general has so many cool themes and vast difference in terms of performance styles as well.

ik its only awkward if u make it awkward but ppl kinda take obsessing abt idols way too far. yet we have all been thru that phase so i get it but kpop stans seem next level crazy sometimes in a good way sometimes in a bad way, i also dont get how such delusional obsessions can lead to building closer relationship with said idol like u aint just going to make friends if ur crying over them in front of them yaknow? and other stuff like going to their hotels or following them whilst theyre out in their downtime. i dont think theres ever just been a non crazy time for idols at all. i cant imagine what their dorm rooms must be like cause I bet they all been doing other adult / human things lmfao. yet the way their fans overreact to mere dating rumors is ridiculous atp. or say for instance idols future spouses as well is the topic that seem to get ppl most riled up when it comes to thee sorts of readings. lowkey sometimes i ask why do i need to know but i ask anyway bc why the fuck not then i think its childish of me lol

aw tyy so are you!! I haven't watched their mv or listened to their album yet (if it wasn't a single), but I heard parts of it online and it does sound real good, I used to be an engene so maybe it's a sign to listen to this comeback.

no I get you so much here especially. Being a fan(girl) is so so much fun, you get to watch content, listen to music, learn about the members, go to concerts, collect merch, and meet other fans. There's a whole culture and community around it that, when you first get into kpop, it's so exciting. It's unsurprising people would get obsessed at first.

But yeah, I personally get really excited watching their content or over an idol (ahem haechan) when on my own, but whenever I meet them in person it's like all that excitement disappears and I'm like, 'oh, they're just a guy/person...', and it's really chill. I don't at all know how people think following them around, partaking in every single fancall, and getting overly excited and emotional would lead to them getting close with them.

You know, I think this obsessiveness dies down as we mature/get older. It's like we have other things to focus on, we become more grounded with less free time, and distance ourselves a little more.

Please, just imagining they're probably lying in bed scrolling through videos etc. while at home is kinda funny. They likely do what we do anyway as they're people at the end of the day, it kind of makes you see them more... normally?

We're alike haha. Yeah it's fun, especially with ideal type readings etc. but then you take a step back and think, am I doing too much? 😭

[yeetus-feetus]

I made this for @strange-birb for their Batkid Secret Band AU, it is their artwork in the background too. Please go and check out their art it's awesome!

About the stuffs:

I decided to call them DeathwalkerS because they've all died at some point and they're still walking around. Plus I think it sounds edgy, which I think these guys would definitely go for. They also have a wide range of alternative music genres because all of them have different tastes but they're still very alternative.

The bands colour scheme is purple and green because I thinks it's a funny bit of irony. We're stealing the Joker colours the same way Jason stole the Red Hood look.

Gotham by Gaslight is the name of the album whish is why the font is larger than all the other songs, and why it's the first song on CD. Pretty sure the song is pretty self explanatory, but it's about being gaslit by adults they thought they could trust. With fun little metaphors that use examples of /actual/ gas attacks that have happened in Gotham as a comparison to what it feels like to be gaslighted constantly by someone you love.

The capital letters in the song named 'DaRCy' stand for 'Dead Robins Club'. In this song they sing about all the things they hate about Bruce under the guise of singing about a crazy woman named Darcy. It's a perfect way for them to get out their frustrations and feelings of betrayal at Bruce's actions, and it can be disguised as a break-up song or a song about a really unhealthy friendship.

'Fear in The Well' has the same vibe and sound as 'Fear of The Dark' by Iron Maiden. It's also a funny reference to how Bruce became Batman in the first place, by falling down that Well surrounded by his greatest phobia: bats. Just thought it'd be fun for them to sing this as a jab at their old man, even though he is currently unaware of their band.

'Skin Tight' is a reference to their vigilante suits, but it's actually a sex song. Because every band needs at least one really sexy sex song in their debut album. Like I'm thinking of one those heavy rock songs where the lead singer is doing more moaning than singing and the lyrics are literally about kink culture. (Welcome To The Jungle is the first thing that came to mind, but then I started thinking about Gerard Way moaning. Though I think the sound of the song would be more like what Judas Priest has going on.)

'San Fransisco Party Memories' is supposed to be super nostalgic. It's about the time they spent at Titans tower; the friends they made, the friends they'll always remember. The fun they had and the challenges they faced. It's about underage drinking and dancing on the beach. It's about helping each other with their soul deep pain, and probably not the in the healthiest ways but definitely the most fun kind of ways. It's about longing for those days in the warm sun and cool salty water. It's one of the songs that are super fun to dance to, but when ur said the lyrics really hit.

'Dead Bird Walking' is a Heathers reference to the song 'Dead Girl Walking', but with a much heavier and alternative sound. Could also technically be referred to as a sex song, like it's not as explicit as 'Skin Tight', but it is pretty suggestive. It basically just has that "I might die tomorrow so let's make the most of right now" vibes. (Pushing my theatre nerd Jason agenda here, can you tell?)

'Bats out of Hell' is a reference to Meat Loaf's song 'Bat out of Hell". DeathwalkerS' song has a similar sort of vibe, and it's basically about them all dying and coming back to life and doing crazy cool shit.

'Drywall' is the only unserious song in this album, it's one of those silly ones that doesn't really make sense but the sound is awesome and you just need to dance and headbang to it. Like it makes you need to move around. Same sorta vibe as 'Chic N Stu' by System Of A Down I guess?

'Wake The Dead' is probably the heaviest song on this album. It's about grieving and the pain that comes with that. It's about wanting to wake up all their dead friends and realising that can't always happen, not everyone comes back. They have to at some point accept that they can't bring back the people they've lost. There's also a really really awesome guitar solo in this one.

'Angels of Death' is a song about the the spirits of the watching over the innocent people of Gotham. The song is a story about these guardian angels; these Cryptid-like creatures that watch over Gotham City, making sacrifices to her and protecting her people. It has a really eerie, creepy vibes, like some old legend or Folklore about mystical creatures living in the shadows.

'All We Are (Street Rats)' has those indie rock sorta vibes. Did I get that right? Or is it alt rock? Like the Front Bottoms and McCafferty. 'Twin Size Mattress' and 'Trees' are the songs I'm thinking of right now. (It's those queer undertones they both have that I'm trying to encapsulate here). Some Radiohead vibes here too honestly.

I wish you guys could craw inside my head hear the music I'm imagining right now. I've got serious brain worms right now and I NEED to share them!

Also this is the band's banner for battle of the bands ↓ I made two versions lol (the stars were Steph's idea!)

Again, please please please go check out @strange-birb I love all their art so much! And they're the reason I came up with all these ideas.

[bteezxyewriter12]

hii!! can u please make a seonghwa angst imagine about him cheated on his partner and then seonghwa regretted about his actions thanks thanks <33 love ur imagines so bad

Heartbreak

Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader

Word count- 9.2k

Includes- Cheating, heartbreak, death, battle-violence-gore, set in Buffy the Vampire slayer world during last episode of season, vampires, reader is a slayer

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Seonghwa Masterlist

Gif from Google but I think it was originally posted by @monjae

She opens the door to the building where ATEEZ's studio is

Seonghwa told her they were recording for their Japanese album

She wants to see Seonghwa before she leaves for Sunnydale

She's been called there to help Buffy and Faith fight the first evil

She and Seonghwa had a huge fight about her leaving because his comeback is tomorrow night and she's going to miss it

Ever since she was called as a slayer, her relationship with Seonghwa had been strained

He doesn't support her at all, complaining and getting angry when she has to cancel

He never wants to talk to her about anything that has to do with slaying

It hurts that she can't talk to the man she loves about her fears because yes she is terrified when she goes out there and fights demons

Huge monsters she's never seen before, with talons, sharp teeth, claws, spikes, and a number of other dangerous features on their body

And she's expected to run towards them, towards the danger and kill them, save the world

Even when she's hurt, he doesn't say anything about the injuries

He has said she's fine because she has super healing but that doesn't change the fact that the injuries hurt

The only one she can speak to is her best friend San

He listens, he talks to her, he tries to comfort her

He's been there since they were little and he's always been her rock and she his

She wishes Seonghwa would be that for her and he was but since she became the slayer, he's been distant

She doesn't want to go to Sunnydale on a bad note with Seonghwa

She wants to talk to him, apologize again and spend some time with him before she has to go

She heads towards their main recording room, passing by Hongjoong's open studio door

"Uh Jo?", she hears behind her

"Hi Joongie", she answer, turning to him

"What uh what are you doing here? I thought you were going to California?"

She nods, "I am but I can't just leave things with Seonghwa in a fight. I want to talk to him and say bye before I go"

"Oh", he says, his voice higher than normal, "He's busy recording now"

"That's ok. I'll just wait in the room until he's done"

Maybe if he sees her there, he'll know she cares and doesn't want to leave him

"Uh the guys are there. It's kind crowded"

Hongjoong is acting very strangely but she doesn't really have time to deal with that

"It's fine Joongie", she says, turning around and heading to the room

"Uh-", he says, following her

As she walks down the hallway, Wooyoung, Yeosang, Yunho and Mingi come down the opposite way, towards her

"Oh Jo! Hi!", Wooyoung says loudly

"Hi", she answers wondering what's wrong with them

From their body language they're all acting weird

"Thought you left", Yeosang says

"Uh not yet. I came to talk to Seonghwa"

"Yeah he's busy. Recording", Yunho says

What the fuck is their problem?

She's been in the recording room while he's in the booth before

Why are they acting like it's such a big deal now?

"I know. Joongie told me. I'm just gonna wait for him"

"Cool, you can wait in Hongjoong's studio and I'll tell him to go there as soon as he's done", Mingi suggests

She has no idea what is going on or why they're trying to keep her from the recording room but she doesn't have time for their crap

She moves quickly, side stepping them and walks fast down the hall

She hears them following her, making her wonder what they're hiding

Jongho comes around the corner, his eyes widening at seeing her but she bypasses him and gets to the door

She turns the knob when Jongho says, "Jo, wait"

She opens the door, walking in the room

And gets an eye full of Seonghwa

With another girl on his lap

She can see him behind the glass in the room, sitting on a chair, his back to the glass, both him and the girl naked

And she's riding him hard

The image sears in her mind and she can't tear her eyes away from the horrific scene

The girl moves on Seonghwa, moaning, while his hands grip her ass hard

"Yes fuck. God so fucking good jagi"

Her heart shatters in that moment

He called this girl jagi

That's his name for her, the nickname he always called her from day one

And he's calling this girl that

"Love this pussy fucking hell, best pussy I've ever been in"

The hole where her heart was is in agony hearing him

She knows he can't hear her unless she talks into the microphone or he'd hear her soft sobs

The girl smiles at him, bending down and kissing him

The scene becomes blurry as she realizes she's crying

Her body gets pulled back, the door closing, cutting her from the heartbreaking view of the love of her life fucking another girl

My god she didn't know someone could hurt this much

Didn't know that emotional pain is ten times worse than physical pain

She wishes she was in physical pain right now

"Jo", Mingi starts

"How long?", she asks, her voice shaky

They exchange looks and she doesn't want anymore lies

"How long? Don't lie to me?"

"Six months or so"

What?

He's been cheating on her for six months?

Where the hell has she been?

Yes she hasn't been with him as much as she used to but it's not like she doesn't see him

How has he been able-

She stops, her thought remembering how the guys tried to stop her from going to the recording room

They...they know?

"You knew?", she whispers

One by one they all nod

Oh god, they knew

And they kept it from her

That's how he was able to cheat on her

They helped him, covered it up, kept her in the dark

Then a truly terrifying thought hits her

Did San know?

He has to if they all knew

There's no way he could not know

"San knew?", she asks, sadly

Hongjoong shakes his head

"San doesn't know"

"How is that possible?", she says quietly

"We...we kept him away. Preoccupied him when Hwa was with her. Lied to him about where Hwa was during performances or practices", Wooyoung answers

That's why he's not here right now

"Where-"

"Home sleeping. He was really tired and we convinced him to go home", Yeosang says

So they lied to San too

"San doesn't know", she repeats

Theret's so many things running through her head and she just wants confirmation on this

"No, he doesn't", Wooyoung confirms

"But you all did and....you....didn't tell me", she accuses

"I just...he's happy when he's with her", Yunho says slowly

"You're not there for him anymore", Wooyoung adds

"He's at everything alone. All the comebacks, all the shoots, practices, he's always alone", Yeosang says, "And he's always unhappy"

It's funny that they mention that when she's been by his side for years

It's just been the last two years that she's been absent

And she tries as hard as she can to go to everything she can

She can't help if there's an apocalypse she needs to stop

"We....we don't condone it but we understand", Mingi says

And what, fuck her feelings right?

She doesn't matter right?

She's only been their friend since ATEEZ started but I guess you have to be in the group for them to care

At least San didn't know

That's a small favor in the hurt she's feeling right now

San didn't know and betray her too

It was just Seonghwa and the rest of them

"I'm sorry Jo", Jongho says, "But it's been over between the two of you for a long time"

Well this is the first time she's hearing this

She still loves him with all her heart and she thought he felt the same

"Jo, look-", Hongjoong starts but she can't bear to hear anymore

"I have to go....I have to get to... Sunnydale....flight leaving soon"

In reality her flight is in five hours

She just wanted to spend time with Seonghwa before she left

Now she can't and she never will again

With that she turns and walks away from her friends

From the love of her life, her heart in shambles

---------------------------

She gets off the plane and heads to the airport exit

Giles is supposed to pick her up

She's exhausted

She spent the last several hours crying, the pain overwhelming

And through it all, she wonders when it changed to become this

Why didn't he talk to her first?

Why did his feeling change?

When did they change?

Why did he stop loving her?

Why didn't he just break up with her instead of betraying her and putting her through this agony?

Why did he stop loving her?

Yes she hasn't been there for every single thing like she used to, yes she cancels a lot but why did he have to stop loving her?

She still loves him, more than anything, more than her life

And when he became an idol, when wasn't there in the beginning, when he cancelled a lot, her feelings didn't change

She stayed by his side, she dealt with the loneliness and she loved him

She doesn't understand why it's different for him

These thoughts are just the same ones that have been circling around her mind and it's driving her crazy

Maybe she can crash at Buffy's for a few hours

She needs to sleep to get ready for tomorrow

As she walks to the exit, she unlocks her phone and texts San, telling him she's in Sunnydale

He texted her before she got on the flight and asked her to text when she got there

She got nothing from Seonghwa, which hurts but isn't a surprise

Not anymore

She puts her phone in her pocket, not bothering to text Seonghwa that she landed like she normally does when she's away from him

It's not like he cares anymore anyway

She exits the airport, looking for Giles car

---------------------------

She's nodding off during Buffy's team speech

She's heard these before when she's come to help out during the last two years

Buffy got her up to speed when she got there

Buffy got the scythe that belongs to the slayer, they're attacking the first and it's army tomorrow morning, Willow will use the magic in the scythe to make all the potential slayers real slayers like her

She already knows what's going to happen, so her mind isn't paying attention

She's crashing and it takes everything in her to stay awake

She took an hour nap on the drive to Sunnydale but then it's been introductions to the potentials, "war" meetings with Buffy and the Scooby gang and a number of other things that are keeping her from sleeping

Seonghwa still hasn't texted her

He's probably busy with the girl

Tears spring to her eyes as she remembers what she saw

Even though he's cheating on her, she missed him

She still loves him, she wishes she could be in his arms, with him and it fucking hurts to know that will never happen again

Because as much as she loves him, she can't be with him anymore

That thought kills her every time

"Are you ready to be strong?", Buffy asks, finishing her speech

The potentials nod, then the meeting disperses

She has one thing to do before she can go to sleep

Approaching Buffy and Willow, they turn to her

"Hey Jo. Ready for tomorrow?", Willow asks

"Yeah"

"Really? You don't look so hot", Buffy asks

"I just need sleep. Jet lag", she says, then hands them a piece of paper with a phone number on it, "If anything happens to me, call San. He's my best friend"

Willow raises her eyebrow

"Not Seong-", Buffy starts

"Call San", she insists, "His number is on the paper. His name is Choi, San"

Willow and Buffy exchange a worried look

"You sure?", Willow asks

"Call San", she repeats

"Uh sure", Buffy agrees

She nods, the turns and heads to the room Buffy gave her for the night

San is the only one she has left

And the only one she loves to let know if she dies

No one else would care

---------------------------

She stands over the hellmouth with Buffy, Faith and all the potential slayers

One by one they each pass the knife and slice their hand open

Narae leans over Seonghwa, pressing her lips to his, kissing him sensually, his arms wrapping around her

He has the whole weekend uninterrupted with her since his girlfriend left to fight with Buffy

He misses her and he'd rather be with her but everything is so strained

He's contemplating ending things with Narae and really focusing on fixing everything with Joanne when she comes back

But for now, he falls into Narae's kiss

She holds her hand out, squeezing a fist, her blood hitting the seal at the same time as the other girls

The pieces of the seal crack open until there's a hole big enough for a person to slide through

The entrance to the hellmouth

He slides Narae's shirt up her body, tossing it to the floor

He's already naked, with a condom on as she jumped on him as soon as the door closed

He unclasps her bra, that joining the pile, his mouth around her perky nipple, sucking softly

The rest of her clothes come off, then he helps her climb on him, her wet cunt dripping on him

She walks next to Buffy and Faith, towards the edge of a cliff

Spike is complaining about the necklace and something about Elizabeth Taylor

She's not paying attention to anything really

She woke up worse than yesterday and inside she's falling apart

She doesn't want to be here, she wants to be at home, in her bed

She doesn't care about this whole battle when her life is in shambles

She doesn't care if she lives or dies

Narae holds his cock up, her pussy engulfing him as she slides down

He moans loudly, the pleasure good

Not as good as when he's with his girlfriend though

He tells Narae she's the best but she's not

Joanne is

Everything about her is ten times better but him and her are in such a bad place and he doesn't get to be with her as much as he'd like

So Narae will have to do

She's good at sex, she rides him good, her body is hot, her face is pretty

It's good enough

Narae kisses him hard, bouncing hard and fast on his cock right away, throwing him into pleasure and every thought of his girlfriend leaves his mind

"I'm not worried", Buffy says in a worried voice

She and their group get to the edge of the cliff, the tens of thousands of ubervamps coming into view

Great

Just great

They're all dead

"As long as Willow does the spell before they-", Buffy is saying as the ubervamps all stop what they're doing and look at us, "Notice us"

Wonderful

"Harder jagi", he gasps, getting lost in Narae's tight cunt

She's pulsing so quickly making every stretch of her around him all the more pleasurable

Her hands move in his hair, pulling his head back, her mouth kissing his neck

His hands are squeezing her ass hard, helping her slide up and down his cock

The ubervamps charge and she gets ready to fight

Buffy has the scythe, while she has a sword and a stake

An ubervamp runs right in front of her and she immediately shoves her stake in his chest, the vamp disintegrating in front of her

Much like her heart when she saw Seonghwa yesterday

She swings the sword, decapitating three ubervamps in a row

She smashes her fist into the vamp's face to her right, then turns and kicks another right in the stomach, it flying backwards

She ducks under a punch, then swings the sword up cutting a vamp in half, turning him to dust

He thrusts into Narae's pussy, her legs on his shoulders and shoved towards her chest

She screams his name as he pounds into her, splitting her open on his cock

She already came once but he doesn't really care

He's not about giving her multiple orgasms like he is with his girlfriend

With Narae all he wants is to cum

"Get tighter", he whines, feeling her clench him so hard he gasps, "Good girl"

Her fingers dig into his upper arms, her body right against his, their sweat mixing together

She feels so good and he's in so much bliss, getting closer

Blocking a punch with her arm, she stabs the stake into the ubervamps eye, then pulls it out and buries it in his chest

She threw her sword to Faith awhile ago, when Buffy was stabbed and fell

Slapping the hand of a Ubervamp away, she uppercuts his chin then pulls her arm back and embeds her hand in it's chest

She grabs it's heart and pulls it out, the vampire dust in seconds

Vamps and Bringers are escaping, potentials turned slayers are dying around her and she's desperately trying to kill as many as she can to spare them

She doesn't care about herself, more about the young girls whose lives haven't started yet

She jumps, doing a flying kick to a vamp's face knocking it over

Grabbing a vamp's oncoming fist, she twists it's arm, bones snapping, then flipping him over her shoulder

It lands on its back, her stake in it's heart

Quickly turning, her hand flies out, stopping a kick then punching hard into the stomach of the ubervamp three times before staking him

She sees Buffy getting up, one of the potentials throwing Buffy the scythe

Suddenly she gets knocked down, four ubervamps surrounding her, slashing her body, pain hitting her hard

But it still doesn't compare to the agony inside her, to the pain of losing Seonghwa

She grabs one of the vamp's hand, completely snapping it in the opposite direction

Her legs fly out, kicking one of them in the knee cap and it goes down

She throws her arms out, her palms hitting two of the vamp's in the chest, them flying back

She flips herself up, spin kicking the one she hit in the knee in it's face, then stakes him

As one ubervamp tries to run pass her, she grabs it, shoving her stake in it's back and hitting it's heart that way

As it turns to dust, she throws the stake forward, embedding in the heart of an oncoming ubervamp

Another one replaces it, the amount of vamps seeming endless

He jackhammers his cock into Narae from behind, her pussy squelching so loudly, sucking him back in with every stroke

He's covered in sweat, his hair pasted to his forehead, his skin smacking against hers while she screams for more

He's so close, he just needs a few more tugs on his cock from her pretty little hole

"I'm gonna cum", he yells

She looks around, the number of vamps she killed not dwindling the sheer number of ubervamps at all

She does not know how they are going to win

If they're going to win

She keeps fighting, Buffy having thrown her the scythe

Buffy was right, this belongs to the slayer

She feels the power in the weapon, feels like it belongs to her

She hears Buffy yelling her name as she decapitates two vampires

She lifts her head towards Buffy, seeing Buffy's mouth moving but not hearing what she's saying

Suddenly she feels agonizing pain in her chest, her eyes looking down, her brain trying to register what it's seeing before it completely shuts down

A taloned hand coming through her chest from her back, a heart in it's hand

Her heart

"Joanne!", Buffy screams, running towards her

The pain dulls, her eyes closing as the hand pulls back and out of her, her body crumpling to the floor, Seonghwa's face the last thing in her mind

"Oh fuck Narae!", he moans as he cums inside the condom, pleasure so fucking incredible, her small pussy milking him for everything, "Yes jagi, fuck"

Buffy runs at the vampire that just killed Joanne

That just ripped her heart clean out of her body and is licking the blood off it

Buffy sees red, grabbing and swinging the scythe and decapitating the ubervamp in one swing

It won't bring Joanne back but Buffy promises her that they will win this fight

For her

Seonghwa leaves his room for a minute while Narae sleeps

He unlocks his cell phone, calling Joanne's number

She never called him when she landed and he was too busy to call her

The phone rings and rings and rings

"Hi, this is Jo, leave a message and I'll call you back. Maybe"

He smiles to himself at her sass

He waits for the beep then he says, "Hi jagi. I'm calling to see how you are, if you got to Sunnydale ok. Call me back when you can"

He hangs up the phone, then goes back to his room, into his bed, cuddling with Narae as he falls asleep

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

Seonghwa POV

It's unusually quiet in the dorm this morning

Normally Wooyoung is yelling and making a huge scene about something, Yeosang telling him to knock it off

Hongjoong's not shouting 'shut the fuck up' every five minutes either

I wonder if they left already and forgot to get me

I disentangle myself from Narae, getting up, pulling on a t-shirt and sweatpants

Opening the door, I walk in the hallway looking for the guys

Hearing some voices in the kitchen, I head there

Walking in, I find all the guys surrounding San, who's on the phone and sobbing

What the hell is going on?

Hongjoong looks up at me, tears pooling in his eyes

Oh my god did something bad happen?

"Yes, I understand. Thanks for calling", San says, his voice cracking

He hangs up the phone, puts his face in his hands and cries harder

Wooyoung stands next to him, side hugging him

"Uh what's going on?", I ask, bewildered

San looks up at me, his eyes full of anger

Did I do something to piss him off?

I don't think I did

"Joanne is dead", he spits

It takes a few seconds for his words to process and when they do, my heart slams in my throat

"No she's not. That's not funny"

He's an ass for joking like that

That's not something to joke about

"I'm not fucking around", San growls, tears streaming down his face, "She's dead. She died in the fighting in Sunnydale"

"What are you talking about?", I yell, panicking, remembering that she didn't call me when she landed, which is so unlike her

"She was killed. By an ubervamp"

"A Uber what?"

"I don't know. That's what Buffy said. It's like a super vampire or something. They were fighting an army of them. One killed Joanne"

"How? Will she come back as a vampire?"

He glares at me, "She can't come back without a heart"

"What the fuck?", Mingi gasps

"What are you talking about?", Jongho asks

"That's what Buffy told me. This ubervamp ripped her heart out of her chest"

"You're fucking lying!", I shout, panic hitting me hard

I can't believe that

She's not dead

She's not

She's coming back

"I'm not lying! The vampire punched through her back into her chest, his hand bursting out from her chest. With her heart in his hand. Buffy saw it. She said she can't unsee it"

Punched through her?

Oh god she had to have been in so much pain

"I can't...oh god", Wooyoung says, getting to the garbage just in time to throw up

"The fucking vampire was licking the blood from her heart when Buffy killed it. And Jo is dead", San whispers

She dead

Gone

She's not coming back

My heart seizes and the agony I feel is beyond any pain I've ever felt in my life

"We...we...we should give her a funeral. Did you tell Buffy to send her body home?", Yunho says

San shakes his head, "There isn't a body"

"What are you talking about?", Hongjoong yells, "Of course there's a body"

I can't handle this

I'm going to have to see my jagi in a....in a coffin

Oh my fucking god

I lean on the back of a chair to keep myself upright as tears fill my eyes

"There isn't. Sunnydale, the hellmouth imploded. There is nothing left of the entire area. Just a huge crater in the earth. She's.... she's either buried thousands of feet under it or...or her body was crushed from everything falling on top of her. There is no more of her to bury", San cries

I can't help it, I burst into tears

She's gone

She's really gone and I...I didn't talk to her before she left

I'm never going to see her again

I'm never going to hear her voice or see her smile

The pain that hits me almost brings me to my knees

"Why are you crying?", San snarls

I look up at him in shock

What is he talking about?

He just told me my girlfriend died

The girl I love is dead

"What are you talking about?", I sob, "She's dead!"

"Like you care!", he shouts, anger in his watery eyes

"Of course I fucking care!", I yell, "I love her!"

He stands up so fast, his hands in fists at his sides, "You don't! You can't love her if you're fucking that skank!"

Fuck

He knows

But even so, that doesn't mean I don't love her

I do, with all my heart

We're just having problems

"You're cheating on her! When she was fighting for us, dying to save the world, you were fucking another girl!", he roars, "Don't tell me you love her, you fucking liar"

"I do love her!", I yell, "We just...there are problems and....I handled it wrong"

He scoffs, "You've been fucking this bitch for months. And why? Because you're upset that she doesn't have as much time for you like she used to? Because she has to miss performances?"

I mean yes, it was bothering me and anytime I brought it up, she apologized but said it was her job

I was getting tired of it and I was getting tired of her ignoring the problems, never talking about it

"You're so fucking selfish. She loved you with everything she had. She was upset that she had to leave you to go fight. She used to cry about it to me and she used to be so scared that you'd be angry, that you'd break up with her", San snaps, "But all you cared about was yourself. You didn't care that she was facing death every time she went out there. You didn't care that she was so scared of these things that she had to fight. Instead of trying to understand, you went behind her back and betrayed her"

I didn't know about any of this

I didn't know she went to San to tell him her fears

And I had no idea she was scared of these demons

She never showed fear, she acted like she knew what she was doing, that it wasn't a big deal

But I would have if I would of talked to her

"You never wanted to hear anything about her being a slayer. You just fought with her about it. You were never there for her like she was for you. And now that she's dead you want to say you love her? Fuck you!"

I don't know what to say

I am an asshole and I shouldn't have cheated on her

And I can't make it better

She's never coming back and I can't fix it like I wanted to

"You're so lucky she didn't know about you cheating on her. Because that would have fucking devastated her"

I know it would have

I would be devastated

I guess that's something good in this horrifying situation

"She knew", Hongjoong whispers

My head snaps to him immediately, shock and horror filling me, making more tears flow

"What?", I whisper

"She knew", Hongjoong repeats, "She...she found out the day she left for Sunnydale"

I feel my heart drop to my feet

How did she know?

How did she find out?

"How?", San asks for me

"She...she came to the studio. To say goodbye to Seonghwa. She..she wanted to say bye to him", Yeosang whispers, "She saw them. Saw her on him, heard him"

Oh my god

No, fuck

"We tried to stop her from going to the recording booth to talk to him but she pushed through us and went anyway", Yunho says soflty

I feel sick to my stomach

What did I do to her?

Oh god

"You all knew?", San asks, in complete disbelief

Hongjoong nods, "Yeah, we all knew. And we....we said some things...."

"What things?", San yells, fury on his face

"We uh told her that she's never there for Hwa. That uh...he's happy with Narae. And we understand why he's with Narae", Mingi answers

"We told her it was over between them and had been for a long time", Jongho whispers

Oh my god they did what?

Why would they tell her these things?

Why would they speak for me?

"Are you fucking kidding me? You told her these things after she saw Seonghwa fucking another girl and you let her leave?", San screams, "You knew what she was up against and you let her go after all that? Why didn't you fucking tell me if you knew? Why did you hide it from me?"

"Because we understood where Seonghwa was coming from and we knew you'd stop it", Yunho explains, "We just wanted Hwa to be happy"

"And what, fuck her?", San roars, "Fuck the girl who's your friend, who's saved your asses countless times from vampire sasaengs, who fights to save the world to keep you from dying a horrible death. Her feelings don't matter?"

No one says anything and I'm just completely horrified and devastated

"You all are so fucking wrong for this. You sent her into a fight after all this and now she's dead! You might as well have killed her yourself!"

Oh my god he's right

She went into the fight devastated, hurt

I betrayed her, her friends turned their back on her

It's my fault she's dead

Oh my fucking god, it's my fault

I feel sick, like I can't breath and I cry harder, hyperventilating

She's dead

The last time she saw me was when I was fucking another girl

She died knowing I was cheating on her, thinking I was happy with someone else

She died thinking I didn't love her

My stomach turns and I run to the garbage, just making it as I throw up into it

I can't fix it

I can't tell her I love her, I can't apologize, can't tell her how sorry I am, can't beg her to forgive me, to take me back

I can't do any of that because she's dead

"Fuck all of you", San yells, then looks at me, "Fuck you Seonghwa. Not only did the vampire rip her heart out, you did too. You fucking asshole. Because of you asses, she died thinking I knew he was cheating on her!"

"No she didn't San", Wooyoung says, "She knew you didn't know. She asked and we told her you didn't"

He looks at me, rage in his eyes, "At least she knew that I didn't betray her. At least she knew she could count on me when she couldn't count on you"

San turns away from us, walking away

"San, wait-", Wooyoung calls

"Fuck off. All of you. Leave me alone", he snarls, "I'm going to a hotel. I can't stand the fucking sight of any of you"

"San please", Yeosang pleads, "We messed up. We're sorry"

"Sorry doesn't bring her back"

He's right

Sorry does nothing

Sorry doesn't put her heart back in her chest

Sorry doesn't make her body reappear, doesn't make her alive again

Sorry is worthless

San leaves, slamming his door closed

Hongjoong turns to me, "Hwa-"

"Why would you tell her those things?", I ask quietly, wiping my eyes

It's no use, the tears aren't stopping anytime soon

"Why would you speak for me? Especially after she saw?"

"Because we were telling her the things you said to us. We were trying to defend you", Mingi explains

I shake my head, "I didn't need to be defended. I needed her to come into the room and yell at me and curse me out and make me realize the fucked up shit I've been doing. I needed you to tell me off for cheating on her, not help me keep doing it"

They're silent

It's not like anything they say will make anything better

"She's gone", I whisper, "She died thinking I didn't love her. That is so far from the truth. I love her with all my heart. And I can't tell her that. I can't fix this. I can't...."

I stop talking, my heart shattering into a million pieces as it hits me that she's really not coming home

I can't handle this

I can't

I need to sit down

I need...I need her

But it's too late

I turn from them, going back to my room

I forgot that Narae is there

She's already awake, sitting up and on her phone

She looks up at me, alarm on her face, "Seonghwa what's wrong?"

I sit at the edge of the bed, just looking at nothing, my thoughts all on Joanne

My jagi

"Seonghwa?", Narae calls, coming closer to me

"She's gone"

"What?"

"She's gone", I repeat louder

"Who's gone?", she asks, confusion in her voice

"She's dead", I whisper, tears falling, "She's dead and she's not coming back"

"Who?"

"Joanne"

"Your girlfriend? The one who's never there for you, who fights with you?"

I hate hearing her talk about Joanne like that but it's my fault

I vented to her about Joanne

"She died?", Narae asks

I nod, "She's gone"

"Oh wow...I uh....that's...horrible", she says, although I doubt she means it, "Do you need anything?"

"I need you to go"

A pause

"What?", she asks

"I need you to go. Leave", I answer, wanting to be alone

"Uh really?"

Yes really

I just told her my girlfriend is dead

What the hell does she think, I'd want to spend time with her right now?

"Yes. Leave and don't come back", I say, doing what I should of done months ago, "This is over. It shouldn't have happened at all"

"But Hwa-"

"Please, just go", I say, tears breaking over my waterline, falling down my eyes

"Fine", she says sounding upset but I can't care right now

I barely hear her getting dressed or notice she's leaving until I hear my door slam closed

I immediately turn, laying on my pillow and completely lose it

I sob hysterically, just wanting her

Wanting her in my arms right now

Wanting to apologize and beg her forgiveness, tell her I love her more than anything

But she's not coming back

She's never coming back

---------------------------

One week later

I lay in bed awake, staring at the ceiling

I can't sleep

I haven't slept much in the last week

Everything has gone to hell

San is gone

Took a break from the group

KQ made an announcement, saying someone close to him died and he needs time

He didn't even tell us, we found out through our managers

We don't know where he is

We haven't seen him since he went to the hotel

I know he bought Joanne a plot in a cemetery

He put up a picture on Instagram of it with flowers he laid on the grass, saying that he's going to miss her so much

I tried texting him to find out where it is so I can go but he told me to fuck off

I don't know which cemetery it is and even if I go to one I'd have no idea where to look

I don't want to get another plot for her since San has one

I just have to hope that he'll eventually tell me where it is

My life sucks

The public didn't know about me and her so I can't take a break like San is

It'd be suspicious if two of us took a break

The managers are being more lenient with me since, you know, my girlfriend died

I'm kinda on a break but the public doesn't know about it

I've just been staying home, trying not to fall apart all the time

The guys are fucked up, guilt eating at them for what they said to her before she left

Hongjoong is especially feeling guilty for not stopping her from leaving

I don't know what San is feeling although I know it's not good

I just a mess

Sometimes I forget she's gone and I pick up my phone to text her, then when I realize I can't I break down

I wish I could see her again, tell her I'm sorry, tell her I love her, I miss her

Just talk to her

I really don't know how I'm supposed to live my whole life without her

I know I fucked up and if she found out I cheated she'd break up with me

But at least she'd be alive, at least she'd be here so I could try to get her back and show her I love her

I can't do that now

And I can't believe I was an idiot and let her leave without seeing her

I didn't even call her until after I fucked Narae and realized she never texted me

I know when I called her she was already gone

That's why she didn't pick up

And I didn't think anything of it, didn't freak out she didn't pick up

I just went right to bed with Narae

It makes me sick to my stomach and I hate myself

I close my eyes, despair filling me as I start crying again

"Hwa", I hear

In her voice

That's impossible

I have to be hearing things

"Seonghwa"

Opening my eyes, I sit up, turning around towards the door and my heart jumps in my chest

"What the fuck?", I gape, staring at her

She's here

How...how is....she's...what?

"Joanne?"

"Hi Hwa", she says softly

"How...did you...are you alive?", I stammer

She shakes her head sadly, "No. I'm dead"

"But-"

"I'm allowed to come see people who are having a hard time with my death. Only once", she says, "I already talked to San"

"So you can stay-"

"For a little. Then I have to go"

"Where? Where are you going?"

I don't want her to go

There's not enough time to spend with her

"Heaven"

My eyes bug out of my head, "Heaven?"

Like actual heaven?

If anyone deserves to go to heaven it's her

She's the ultimate good guy

A hero

She shrugs, sitting next to me on my bed, "Yeah. Or a heaven dimension. There's literally hundreds of them. I'm not sure which one and I don't know if it's the heaven heaven that the religions talk about"

"What's it like?"

"Peaceful. Beautiful. Happy. Everyone laughing. Everyone getting along. No violence. Everything has a soft tint to it"

Sound like an amazing place

A place where she belongs

I just wish it wasn't away from me

"So you live on a cloud or something?"

She laughs, "No. It's like here. A city. Countryside. Houses. Parks. We live like you guys do we just don't need to eat or really sleep. It's like a big mellow party"

"That's sounds great", I say, looking down at my floor

A silence rises and I don't know what to say

She's here, right next to me, something I've been wishing for and I don't know what to say

"Hwa, I'm here. I know you're having a hard time with my death. Talk to me", she says gently

Tears fill my eyes, "I'm sorry"

"I know Hwa"

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I...I handled everything wrong. Instead of talking to you, trying to fix everything, I strayed and I cheated. I'm sorry"

She stays silent, waiting for me to continue

"I hate that you died thinking I didn't love you. I hate that the last time you saw me I was...with another girl. Do...do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you Hwa. I wasn't angry with you. I didn't have time to get there. I was devastated. Hurt. And I didn't even get to deal with those feelings. I had to go to Sunnydale, I had to listen to war plans, I had to fight thousands of ubervamps. I didn't have time for anything", she explains, "And yes, I did think you didn't love me anymore. And I did die thinking that"

"I'm sorry", I cry, tears breaking over my face

"Hwa, when I died...how do I put this..", she says, "It's like...you know things. Everything that you always questioned, everything you thought you knew is confirmed, answered or changed. Especially concerning the people you love"

She continues, "I did think you didn't love me but when I got to...heaven...I knew that you did love me. Somehow I knew. Even though you cheated, I know that you love me with all your heart"

I feel a huge relief in my chest

I'm glad she knows I love her

I was a massive idiot, but I do love her more than anything in this world

"I do jagi. I love you so much"

She nods, "I love you too Hwa. I always loved you. And I forgive you for cheating"

I break down sobbing hearing that

She forgives me

I don't deserve it

I know I don't and I'm so grateful

"I'm sorry Jo. I'm sorry I was such a selfish asshole. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you like you were for me. I should of been. I should of talked to you about your slaying. I should of been the person you could talk to about your fears instead of San. I'm sorry I made you constantly worry I was going to break up with you. I should of supported you like you always supported me. I shouldn't have been so self absorbed. And I should never have cheated"

"It's alright Hwa"

I shake my head, "No it's not. It's not ok. And I'm sorry the guys told you those things. I never asked them to speak for me"

She nods

"And I didn't love her baby. I swear. As bad as it was, it was just sex. I love you. I'm only in love with you. Never her"

She nods, taking my hand and I hold on to her for dear life

"I know baby. You should have talked to me instead of cheating so we could of fixed things. But it's over now baby and I forgive you"

Tears pour down my face hearing her call me baby

I didn't know I needed to hear that from her one last time

"I miss you so much", I sob

She takes me in her arms and I hold on to her tightly, never wanting to let go

"I miss you Hwa"

"Baby please don't go. I can't...I can't be without you. Please I'll do anything. I'll give anything. Please don't leave me"

"I'm sorry Hwa. I want to stay with you but I can't"

"No please", I panic, burying my face in her neck

I desperately smell her scent that I'm trying to commit to memory

I'm aware that this is the last time I'm going to see her and I'm savoring everything

The feel of her arms around me, the feel of her soft hair, the sound of her voice, everything single detail about her

"I love you so much Seonghwa"

Lifting my head, I look at her beautiful face, commiting everything to memory

"I love you Joanne. With all my heart jagi"

Tears fall down her face as she smiles softly, touching my cheek

"Please don't baby", I beg

"I wish I could stay Hwa. I want that more than anything"

"Wait for me. Please baby. Wait for me there until I can get there and be with you"

"Baby, I..I want you to live your life. If you fall in love again, I want you to go for it. I want you to get married, have kids, live a full life. I don't want you holding back because I'm not here"

I shake my head, "I can't baby. I don't want that without you"

"You feel that way now baby. But if it happens I don't want you to feel guilty. It's ok baby. You still need to live", she says gently, "Live your life, for me baby"

"Jagi-"

"Please Hwa. Promise me you'll live your life. However you want, with no guilt. I want you to be happy"

I can't be happy without her

She's my happiness

My everything

"Please Hwannie"

"I'll promise if you promise to wait there for me"

She looks at me wearily but I'm adamant about this

"No matter what kind of life I have, I know I want to spend my forever with you. We...our life together was cut short jagi. I hate that. And I have so much to make up for"

"You don't Hwa"

"Yes jagi, I do. Please promise me"

She smiles sadly, "Ok Hwa. I promise"

"I promise too", I say sadly

"I love you", she says softly

"I love you"

She moves closer, her lips pressing against mine in our last kiss

That thought completely breaks me but I'm not going to fall apart now

I'm going to make sure this is the best last kiss we have until we meet again

Pulling her against me, I kiss her deeply, pouring all my love into it so she knows it's not just words

The kiss lasts for awhile but for me it's too quick

She looks in my eyes, smiling softly, "I'll always be here baby. Even if you can't see me, I'm here"

I nod, not believing I'm not going to see her again

"Goodbye Hwannie"

"Goodbye Jo. My jagi", I choke out, a new wave of tears falling

Her soft lips press a soft gentle kiss to my lips and the next thing I know, she's gone

"Jagi?", I call, freaking out, "Jagi!"

She's gone

She's really gone

"No jagi, come back!", I cry hysterically, "Please baby, come back"

"Hwa"

I turn to my doorway to see San standing in the threshold, crying as well

"She came to you?", he asks

I nod, trying to wipe my eyes but I can't stop crying

I miss her so much and I feel like there's a hole in my chest that will never heal

"Me too"

"I...I miss her", I sob, my hands shaking, "I can't...I can't do this without her San"

He comes towards me, hugging me tightly and I cling onto him

"I'm sorry San. I'm sorry"

"I know Hwa. She....she told me she forgives you. And she loves you"

I burst out into more tears, hugging San tighter or I'm gonna collapse

"I want her back. I need her"

San nods, "She wants us to live our lives Hwa. She wants us to be happy"

"I can't", I sob

"You can. It doesn't seem like that now but you can Hwa. You have to. We have to. For her. It's what she wants. We have to do it for her"

I nod, knowing that it will be hard but I'll do anything for her

She told me she wants me to live and for her, I'll do it

---------------------------

The next day

Placing the flowers on the grass in the cemetery, I sit down

"Hi jagi", I whisper, tears pooling in my eyes

I know she's not in this grave, her body isn't either but I know she's here with me

I asked San to bring me to the cemetery and he did

Last night him and I spoke to each other and I told him everything that happened

The cheating, the way I was feeling, the mistakes I made in our relationship

He listened and why he got why I was feeling the way I did but he still told me I was an asshole for cheating and gently reamed me for it

I agree and I deserve what he said

I even think he went too soft on me

"I miss you so much jagi. I know I saw you last night but it wasn't enough time", I whisper, "It'll never be enough time"

San told me about the headstone he ordered

A black one- her favorite color

Her name engraved on it along with her birth and death dates

He also said her put "Best friend, loving girlfriend, Hero"

She deserves to be called a hero

She was one

A silent hero who protected the world and no one knew about it

And I was too stupid to appreciate her heroism until it was too late

I stay talking to her for awhile, just about stupid things, telling her I miss her and love her every few minutes

Apologizing over and over

"Hwa", San calls softly, "We have to go. The cemetery is closing in ten minutes"

I nod

Turn back to her grave, I touch the grass

"I love you Joanne. More than anything in this world. I'm so honored to have been your boyfriend even if I was a sucky one. I'm so lucky to have had your love. I promise I'll keep the promise I add you and I'll live my life for you"

Kissing my hand, I put it on the grass then stand up

"I love you jagi"

Then I turn and walk with San to the car determined to keep my promise

And I know, I'll see her again

Not matter how long it takes, I'll see her again

---------------------------

Years later

"Seonghwa?"

I open my eyes, turning to the sound of her voice

She's looking at me in complete shock

"Hwa? Is it really you?"

I smile, nodding, "It's me jagi"

"Hwa!", she yells, running towards me

I catch her, lifting her up, her lips crashing into mine in a kiss I waited my life time for

Her arms slide around my neck and I feel like I'm home, kissing her with everything in me

When the kiss ends, we hold each other tightly

"I missed you Hwa"

"I missed you so much jagi"

"How are you here?"

"I told you I'd come", I answer

"But Hwa-"

"I died jagi", I tell her, "I did what you asked of me. I lived my whole life and I died an old man. 97 to be exact"

San was right that night

I had to go on living

For her

Living without her was the hardest thing I've ever did in my whole life

The pain of losing her, of being without her lasted my whole lifetime

It dulled over the years but it was there

And even though I was without her, I always remembered her, I was happy

The headstone San got was beautiful and I visited her grave as often as I could

ATEEZ became popular and we were known worldwide

I never did get married or have kids

I never fell in love again

I did have girlfriends but it was never love

She is the only one who had my entire heart and she had it for my entire life

It was always her

I didn't have kids of my own but I did help out with the guy's kids when they got married and had them

The eight of us stayed best friends, brothers for our whole lives, living close to each other and seeing each other often

Even in our old age we did things together

When I got sick, I wasn't upset or scared

I knew I was going to her soon

See her again, hold her again, kiss her again

I knew I'd be able to spend forever with her

And I was right

"It's been that long?", she asks

I nod, "Yeah jagi"

"Wow. Time moves differently here I guess", she says, "It feels like I just saw you when I went to talk to you"

"No jagi. Lots of time passed", I smile

I put her down and she takes my as we start walking

I realize where on a street

Looking around I see we're in a neighborhood with lots of houses

"How was everything baby? What did you do?"

I tell her everything that happened, personally and with ATEEZ

She frowned when I tell her I didn't get married or had kids

"I never loved anyone but you Jo. I couldn't marry someone else. I only ever wanted you"

"But I wanted you to be happy Hwannie, even if it was with someone else"

"I was happy baby", I assure her, "i was single but I was happy. I missed you so much. I did feel your loss my whole life baby but I was happy. I knew I'd see you again. I just had to wait"

She smiles brightly, "You we're right. I don't know how you ended up in this dimension but I'm glad you did"

I have no idea how I ended up here either but I'm estatic I did

"I don't know jagi. All I know is as I was laying in my bed I kept asking to please send me to where you were. I guess that worked"

"Guess so. I'm glad whoever decides where people go, listened to you"

"Me too"

As we walk towards a house, I ask her where we are

"This is where I live baby"

"Here?", I gape

The house is huge

"Slayers are praised here. I think this place is a slayer heaven dimension. Most of the women here are slayers"

I'm glad she's praised here and getting "rewarded"

She didn't get it when she was alive because no one was allowed to know about her

It just sucks it's happening when she's dead

"You live here now here Hwa. With me", she says

"I do?"

She nods, "I want you to stay with me"

I smile widely, "Alright jagi. I want to stay with you too"

"Great", she says, reaching for the doorknob

I stop her, holding her hands, turning her to me

"Jo, I'm so sorry-"

"Stop Hwa", she says gently, "I know you are baby. I told you years ago, I forgive you. I want to put it past us. Start over. Just be happy together"

I seriously don't deserve her

"Ok baby?"

I nod, "Ok"

She moves her arms around my neck, pressing her lips to mine in a soft loving kiss that I completely melt into

When the kiss ends, she takes my hand and asks, "Ready to see our house?"

"So ready"

I'm ready for my forever with her, the love of my life

She giggles, opens the door and leads me inside

[rabbitechoes]

january is usually a pretty meh month when it comes to bunch of great records dropping, but this january might be an exception. plenty of amazing new albums here! especially that new glass beach record which i can already tell is going to be in my rotation for a long time to come. anyways, here are my thoughts on all the albums listed above! to check out my thoughts on some of the songs that dropped this month click here!!! also feel free to follow me on rate your music and twitter <3

plastic death - glass beach

🥇 ALBUM OF THE MONTH

◇ genres: indie rock, art rock, progressive rock I was very unfamiliar with glass beach. I was kinda aware of them, but never really got a chance to dive into the band's music. The hype both leading up to the album and from the first initial impressions of it when it dropped made me check this out. I'm so glad I did. Usually, I'm a bit weary of sprawling, genre-bending albums, but glass beach manages to execute it so perfectly. The band takes inspiration from tons of different places, most notably Radiohead with a lot of art rock instrumentation throughout as well as some of the vocal performances. These never come off as super derivative or anything, at least to my ears. The band manages to take these sounds and shape them into something uniquely theirs. Across the little over an hour runtime glass beach masterfully showcases their strong suits. Very rarely did this album ever lose my attention or ever feel disjointed. Each song had at least one "oh, I wasn't expecting that" moment too. Pretty much every sonic detour the band takes here is a welcome surprise. From the power pop stylings of "puppy" to the screamo-inspired vocals on “slip under the door", this album is full of so many surprises. Lead vocalist and multi-instrumentalist J is a key reason why these shifts work so well. She's able to adapt her voice perfectly to everything. From the relatively smaller-scale catchy indie rock or the more grand proggy moments, they're matching it so well. The other members of the band also obviously deserve massive props for this as well. Pulling off an album this ambitious is a tall task, but even after multiple listens, I'm blown away at how cohesive it all sounds. plastic death is one of the finest rock (for lack of a better descriptor) albums in recent memory. I didn't even properly get into how great the lyricism is or just how good the band is at crafting memorable hooks. There is so much to love about this album. Hopefully I'm not speaking too soon, but I can see myself loving this more and more in future listens as the year rolls on. I'll probably also end up giving this a proper, in-depth write-up when it comes time to compile my favorite albums of the year list. I really wanna dive into the lyricism on the album because I think it’s really interesting, but I do need more time with it. Anyway, this album is great!

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Wall of Eyes - The Smile

◇ genres: art rock, post-rock

Not too long after The Smile's debut record, we're getting the follow-up. A lot of the things I loved about A Light for Attracting Attention also apply to Wall of Eyes. It sounds like Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood are having fun making music again. That's not to say the last Radiohead record was bad, I think it's a masterpiece actually, but there was grief and pain around every corner. It feels like they found the fun in making music again once they teamed up with former Sons of Kemet drummer Tom Skinner and formed this band. The sounds featured on both The Smile records are a bit different than what you would hear from any of their previous work. As a MASSIVE Radiohead fan, this is so exciting. Hearing them dive into post-rock, math rock, krautrock, and many different other sounds is so cool. Are they the best representation of all these sounds? Not really, but there's just an air of excitement surrounding these songs. It feels like they're just following what feels right. The soft, bossa nova flavoring of the title track is a good example of that. Yorke's vocals just kinda bounce along in a very satisfying way. Lyrically the song doesn't exactly grab you, but it just feels so good. "Under Our Pillows" is one of my favorite tracks here and is one where you can hear the Krautrock influence. There are so many cool things the band explores here that it's hard to list all of my favorite moments. I love hearing them explore sounds that wouldn't be found on a Radiohead album. My favorite track here is "Bending Hectic" by a pretty wide margin. That's not a knock on the record at all, it's just a testament to how amazing this track is. When it first dropped last summer, I was obsessed with it, and hearing it in the context of this record makes it that much better. This was a really great album!

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ORQUÍDEAS - Kali Uchis

◇ genres: contemporary R&B, latin pop

Like a lot of people, my first introduction to Kali Uchis was through Tyler, the Creator's Flower Boy. Her amazing feature on "See You Again", the album's biggest track, was incredible and one of the most standout things about the entire album. From there I listened to Isolation and have been keeping up with her new releases ever since. She has been incredibly consistent both with her English language albums and her Spanish albums. This new record is one of the latter and it honestly might be my favorite album of hers to date. Everything about this album is just intoxicating. From the hazy opener, "¿Cómo así?, to the bolero stylings of "Te mata", this album just pulls everything off so well. We also have her signature dreamy vocal delivery throughout and it's so beautiful. Most notable on the second song "Me pongo loca." She enlists the help of some other big Latin musicians here and their presence is very welcome here. I was especially impressed by Peso Pluma's feature on the third track. Overall, ORQUÍDEAS might be Kali Uchis' best record to date. Incredibly consistent, excellently produced, and so much fun to listen to.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Obsidian Wreath - Infant Island

◇ genres: screamo, post-metal I always feel the need to make a disclaimer that I feel out of my depth when discussing metal or most other subgenres of it. No matter how much I explore this sound I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Anyway, the point is, I don't think I'm the right person to go to for metal opinions. However, I really enjoyed this new Infant Island record. The band shifts from thundering instrumentation with growled vocals to lush, almost atmospheric instrumentation at a moment's notice. I find myself being a big fan of the albums in this genre that offer a decent amount of variety in the instrumentation. It gives the album so much more depth and texture. The musicianship on here is really impressive, but I have to give a special shoutout to the band's drummer. He's doing some crazy things on this album and it made all of these tracks that much more compelling. The lyricism here is what you would expect, but they're delivered in such a way that hits hard. The moments where the band shift into a more blackgaze sound are particularly arresting. I thought this was really good and I enjoy it more every time I revisit it.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Bicycle - Patricia Taxxon

◇ genre: IDM I'm not super familiar with Patricia Taxxon's music overall. I enjoyed Agnes & Hilda a decent amount, but besides that, I'm kinda clueless. From what I can gather, she's a pretty prolific artist with a ton of different projects to her name. After hearing Bicycle, I might be so inclined as to dive into some of those projects! There are some really cool and unique production choices here. Like the metallic clicks on the opener interwoven with some nice synths. That dynamic appears all over the album come to think of it. Thin-sounding snaps and crackles acting as the anchor of the track while something wild happens above it. "Frat Claws" is a great example of this. They also work well on the excellent closer "I Do." It's very lush and ties the album up in such a nice way. My only issues are that sometimes that sound would wear thin for me and the non-instrumental tracks didn't interest me all that much. I do appreciate the direction Taxxon was trying to take them in though. Check this one out if you like cool electronic music or if you're a furry (i may be both or neither, i'll never tell!!!)

listen here: Apple Music (not available) Spotify (not available) Bandcamp SoundCloud (not available) YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Keep It Goin Xav - Xaviersobased

genres: jerk rap, cloud rap, plugg

I found out about this mixtape from the really interesting Pitchfork review of the project by Alphonse Pierre. The way Pierre wrote about it had me interested even though I'm not really familiar with the jerk rap or the plugg scenes of hip hop. Fortunately, I found a lot to enjoy with this mixtape. The production choices were really interesting and created a cool dynamic with Xavier's often lackadaisical delivery. Sometimes that kind of style would wear thin for me, but I can see that being a me thing. This could be the perfect "vibe" album for some.

It's hard to single out a specific track for that reason. Everything kinda flows together in both good and bad ways. The just under 30-minute runtime works in the project's favor because of that. Xavier is really good at making earworms though. The hook on "Ascend" was stuck in my head for days after listening. Not every track has one of those super memorable hooks, which is disappointing, but plenty do. Overall, I didn't adore it as much as Pierre did in his review, but this is one to check out. I feel like Xavier has a ton of potential and is definitely someone to keep an eye on in the future. 

listen here: Apple Music (not available) Spotify (not available) Bandcamp (not available) SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Little Rope - Sleater-Kinney

◇ genre: indie rock To preface this, I adore Sleater-Kinney. Their run of albums from Dig Me Out through The Woods is some of the finest indie rock of all time. The band went on hiatus following that record and then returned in 2014 for the run they're on currently. I've heard very mixed things about these post-hiatus albums overall, but I hadn't heard any of them until Little Rope. I enjoyed some of the singles leading up to this record, like "Hell" and "Say It Like You Mean It", but the rest of the album fails to keep that energy going. It isn't a BAD album by any means, it's just ... fine. Occasionally good, but mostly fine and nothing more. You will get some glimpses of their former glory, but they just never take these songs in any new directions. Even the tracks I mentioned earlier don't really live up to the standards set by their best work. They still get super fuzzy and noisy, but they lack the immediacy and the tension of like "The Fox" for example. It feels like they're going through the motions, which sounds fine if you don't think about it too much. A bit disappointed by this one, but with its brief runtime it's worth a shot.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It's Sorted - Cheekface

◇ genres: geek rock, indie rock, new wave

I feel very conflicted about this album, to be honest. Everything on this album is painfully witty. Everything is a joke in some way which gets so exhausting. Most of the songs here are charming and well-performed, but you have to be very, very funny to pull off a full album of this stuff and I don’t think Cheekface pulled it off here. I understand that’s a very subjective thing and if you dig this late-millennial style of humor you’ll probably get a kick out of this!

Some of these songs are pretty amusing though. I really like “I Am Continuing to Do My Thing” which features a jerky, new-wave rhythm to it which I had fun with. I also enjoyed "Popular 2" which has a bit of a power pop thing going on. Most of these songs are structured decently well, but it's just the lyrics that make me roll my eyes. A good bit of this album meditates on fame and success which does provide a sense of cohesion, but I just find it hard for me to really connect with these songs. I realized a few songs in that I'm probably not the target audience for this. I'm sure if I was like 30 or so I would have a ball with this album, but as it stands now I would much rather listen to a They Might Be Giants album if I wanted to scratch the itch this record is attempting to. 

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud (not available) YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

New Last Name - Courting

◇ genres: post-punk revival, indie rock

This is such a big step down from their last album. I only heard the single "Flex" going into New Last Name and it's easily the best track here. The rest of the album features the big choruses reminiscent of 90s alt-rock hits that were present on both the band's previous album Guitar Music and the aforementioned "Flex", but unlike those most of the songs on the whole are just one big mess. The verses usually sound bad, both because of the off-putting production and the weak writing. One of the worst offenders here is "We Look Good Together (Big Words)" which sounds like they're doing a parody of The 1975 and I really don't like The 1975!!! That track features one of the few forays into indietronica territory and it never sounds very good. Even if the song structure and almost everything else is lacking, the band can still pull off a really good chorus here and there. The problem is they aren't worth sitting through the rest of the tracks to get through. Besides "Flex", I did find some enjoyment in "Emily G" and the last two tracks. Mostly because they reminded me of their last album. I'm all for bands evolving and trying different things, but New Last Name just feels misguided. Hoping they can come together for a better follow-up.

listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Saviors - Green Day

◇ genres: alternative rock, pop punk

Green Day has been in a very rough spot for quite a while now. They've been seemingly unable to recapture that "magic" that was present in their earlier work. They've been failing at diving into new sounds, failing to rehash the old ones in an interesting way, and failing to make a single great cohesive album ever since like 2009. Coming on the heels of perhaps their worst record to date, Father of All, the expectations for this album were in the mud and that's putting it nicely. Fortunately, this isn't the band at their worst, but it might be the band at their most boring. The instrumentation is a return to form compared to their last record, but that comes at the cost of rehashing old ideas. There are some decently clever songwriting moments here and a lot of the big choruses are enjoyable enough to at least remind me why middle school Caleb loved this band so much, but even that works against the album's favor. Why would I listen to this if I was in a Green Day mood and not Dookie or American Idiot or Insomniac? I will say there is some really good stuff here. "Dilemma", "Look Ma, No Brains!", and the title track are highlights and some of the best stuff they've done in years. 

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Letter to Self - Sprints

◇ genres: garage punk, post-punk Let me preface this by saying that I think Sprints has a ton of potential. Unfortunately their debut, for the most part, doesn't capitalize on that potential. This is for a variety of reasons. For starters, the production of this record really doesn't do them any favors. The songs that SHOULD have a punch don't have any whatsoever. The noisy guitars lack the bite that they should have and mostly just kinda whimper along. The vocals are mixed decently, but they still sound far too clean for what I think the band was going for. Another big issue is the actual songs themselves. They're either complete non-starters, or they abruptly end as they're picking up steam, or they drive a hook straight into the ground. The second track "Heavy" is a key example of a song being cut off way too abruptly. It's one of the standout tracks on the record, but it definitely still had some legs. "Adore Adore Adore" is pretty easily the biggest highlight here. It's groovy, the vocals are good, and the chorus is satisfying ... more of this, please!!! I wanted to love this album, but it has way too many flaws. Still, I have high hopes for the Dublin rockers. Saddle them up with a better producer for the next one and see how it goes!!!

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INSANO - Kid Cudi

◇ genres: pop rap, trap

I really want the best for Kid Cudi. Man on the Moon: The End of Day is legitimately one of the most influential hip hop records of the 2000s. You can hear its influence throughout the 2010s, especially in the emo-rap scene. Unfortunately, pretty much every record he's released since then has been a massive step down from that record (besides the relatively big bright spot in KIDS SEE GHOSTS). INSANO continues that trend, but to an almost embarrassing degree. He enlists DJ Drama to try and hype these tracks up, but even he can't save this thing. The production and beats on this album are the exact opposite of what the album title suggests. They're so painfully boring and Cudi's writing here is, as I said earlier, embarrassing. Cudi proudly raps on the opener "Why they love these raps, haha, to most of these lames I'm Papa." which is just so fucking embarrassing. That's the one word I can use to describe this record. I hope the next one will be good, but judging by this album and his track record overall, that doesn't seem likely.

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