#and he should have fucked them all and become the survey corps leader WHAT I SAID WHAT I SAID

[thelastsirenssong]

Jean Kirstein send tweet

[bakugohoex]

Can you do Jean x reader where they are both undercover at Marley 💕💕💕

part one: “this isn’t a date jean, we’re undercover”

paring: jean kirschtein x female reader

cw: season 4 spoiler but there is no manga spoiler at all, fluff, language 

word count: 2600+

a/n: i had to read so much for this fic, but i got the jist of it, again making sure you guys know there is no spoilers for the manga in here and onlt a season four spoiler do if you guys havent watched the latest episodes be warned

summary: in which you and jean are undercover doing reconnaissance in marley, want turns to investigating a local bar leads to feelings finally being brought out from the two of you

part two  | part three 

↞ back to attack on titan masterlist 

The dress you wore covered your thighs and knees, it hugged you, the soft material being a drastic change from your normal attire. It was a warm mid-day, birds chirped and the sound of Marleyans engulphed your ears. In the 6 years in which you had known Jean you hadn’t ever expect an undercover mission taking place in Marley of all places.

He walked with your hand in his own, you smiling softly as you spoke nonchalantly to one another. It was unamusing and more a distraction than anything else. He picked the newspaper up on the stall, paying quickly as he walked back, you followed which felt more like being dragged along by his strong grip.

The way the top of his fedora sat on his now long hair, he heard about the victory of the Marleyans from a passer-by and with his hand in your own he opened the newspaper up. It was reconnaissance, you and him both knew you were supposed to act like one of these people even if they did think of you both as devils.

“I think we should visit that bar that woman told us about, a lot of the men there get drunk and reveal a lot.”

He looked down at you, your hands still connected. He had grown so much in all these years now reaching over 6ft, his long hair and scattered hairs along his chin making gorgeous. He had become the leader both you and Marco knew he would become.

“They’ll all stare at you, why would I want that?” he mutters.

You laugh at his antics, “you’re such an idiot.”

“You’re the one holding my hand.”

“Jean it’s a mission we have to pretend to be together for the performance.”

He raised an eyebrow you had full view of his face; his eyes were tired from the late nights working on the next plan of action. But most importantly, the fact that the two of you had to share a bed. He couldn’t even touch you as your small frame would sometimes push against his chest.

You smiled at the boy getting him out of his trance before skimming through the newspaper again. “We’ll go tonight after the meeting.”

You nod as the two of you walk towards the docks of Liberio. Both you and Jean were in the internment zone, a nice old woman allowing you to stay on top of her shop. Even with her being nice her opinions on titans and those within the walls were a lot cruller than u had expected.

It had been awkward the first time sleeping beside each other, you both looked up. Not facing each other but instead watching as the clock ticked away until one of you fell asleep. You both woke up wrapped in each other’s arms, and an awkwardness had set between you two from that night. You both would try to face away from each other but one way in another you ended up touching each other in some way.

He helped you up the stairs to where the little shop was kept, you both had gained some currency mostly from stealing it, but you never expected to stay here long. Only to find information until the true invasion would begin. Of course, the others were already here in their own recon missions, but you and Jean had been the first ones and had found out the most about this stupid town.

The biggest thing being that they hated Eldians of any type. You both walked through the double doors the woman smiling at how pretty you both looked together.

You had a meeting with the rest of the survey corps, Hange leading it, you got changed into what you’d wear to the bar knowing it was going to be a long night.

Jean stood at the door watching at how you easily took the dress off. You both didn’t care about changing clothes in front of each other, you’d seen worse from each other and it meant nothing after the tortures of titans.

The short dress fitted you perfectly and as Jean eyed you up and down, he craved any touch by you. He had taken the blue tie off and the suit jacket and waistcoat off leaving him in the white button up and trousers.

You smiled at how his hair stuck to the back of his neck, when he had first started growing his hair out you had loved it seeing the boy turn into a man. You both had changed since your cadet days and as much as you missed it you couldn’t say that being an adult didn’t have its perks.

“You know Y/n, I’d definitely accept any date proposals from you.”

You rolled your eyes at him, he always tormented you with the flirting. “Jean you really are a pain in my ass.”

“Such vulgar words from a pretty woman.”

You wanted to stab him with your ODM gear but instead stuck with jabbing him with your knee into his stomach. Normally when he was a lot younger it hurt him easily, but he seemed unfazed by the action almost finding it cute.

“Why did u have to grow so much? Short Jean was better.”

“Are you saying 15-year-old me is better than now me?”

You think back at the boy, bringing your finger to your chin. “Both you and 15-year-old you are pains to be around.”

He moves his face to your ear you could feel the hairs brush against your cheek from his chin as he spoke, “it’s okay Y/n we both know how you really feel.”

Rolling your eyes, he grabbed your hand almost out of instinct, you both leaving the shop as quickly as you came. Turning the many corners that Hange had told you to take after each different meeting.

The amount of walks you both went on should be unnecessary but the people of Liberio barely batted an eyelash at the two on you.

The dress was low cut and having all these new clothes made your heart warm up. You hadn’t worn different clothes in years, always the same uniform which you grew to dislike.

“Hange really sent us on a fucking expedition.” You mutter as you lean against Jean’s side.

He leads the way walking towards an unknown battered up building. It looked like it was being constructed and you were met with the scouts.

They eyed you both up your outfits standing out. “running late per usual.” Levi mutters.

As much as you had grown on Captain Levi, he still had a discomfort towards most of you. Both Jean and you let go of hands with ease standing beside each other. Before the meeting begun mostly talking about what had occurred and most significantly the defeat of Marleyans against the Mid-East.

“You know what that means, sometime soon is our time to act.” You professed, the new knowledge coming as a relief as it would soon be time for your plan to truly occur.

Armin and Mikasa spoke, the whereabouts of Eren being unknown due to his consistent disappearances. Watching these people grow you truly understood the mutual torment you all felt. As you were all dismissed all you could think about was the consistent opposition you all faced.

“I think the bars down here.” Jean retakes your hand as you smiled at him.

“Once this is over what do you think will happen.” You ask him softly.

“I don’t know.”

“Remember when we first met, and you were adamant on becoming an MP.” He listened raising an eyebrow. “Look at you now Mr Commanding Officer.”

You were proud of your friend he had worked hard to achieve this status. “You really are proud of me aren’t yah.”

You rolled your eyes gently hitting his side. “I’m telling the truth I’m proud of you.”

You had been timid in your choice of words you were proud, and he knew you were proud of him. Walking into the bar, the significant smell of alcohol mixed with sweat made you grossed out.

It was a rule to not drink under the survey corps and you hadn’t really cared for drinking. So, the sight of so many drunk people drove you mad, how easily a night of drinking could lead to a failed future.

Jean pulled out a chair for you before going to the bar, “I’ll get your favourite.”

You nodded playing with your fingers trying to listen in on the conversations that were occurring. Many Marleyans chatting shit about the Eldians and most specifically those of paradise island.

Your fist clenched as Jean brought two drinks out. “What is it?” You question looking at the red drink in front of you.

“You told me you liken cranberry juice once, i got you some”.

Your eyes widened at the boy, “Jean i said that like years ago.”

“Shows you how much i do care about you.” You rolled your eyes sipping on the drink. You both conversed but remained consistent with your spying on individuals.

“Those guys are talking about you.” Jean coughed out sipping his drink.

“I should go up to them i might get some information.”

“Don’t.” You raise an eyebrow going up to his ear. “They might steal you away.”

“This isn’t a date Jean, we’re undercover.” The way you spoke his name made him melt, he wanted to hear more of your voice specifically moaning his name out.

You stood up ready to go speak to them before you heard something come from their mouths. “If i ever saw one of those island folks I’d slit their throats and make their kids watch.”

You felt sick to the stomach by the comment and wanted to leave. Jean hadn’t heard it and as you stood frozen, he called out your name.

“Let’s get u outside.” He whispers taking your hand as you silently followed. “Are you okay?”

You nod, “I guess it just hit me we’re hated here the way the act towards us is the way we used to act against titans.”

You felt his arms wrap around you. He knew you hadn’t spoken much about the comments and that now you hit the realisation you’d confide in him more.

“I want to go back to the shop.” He nods as a comfortable silence settled in.

You cling to his arm wrapping your hands around his own. He loved the way you cling onto him like he was your protector, and you were his queen.

Walking down a long alleyway, you see some Marley men smoking and drinking. They’d be easy targets if you wanted to kill them, hearing them speak and whistle as you both walked past. Before one of them grabbing your wrist made Jean’s instincts kick in.

He punched the guy who had touched you, his filthy hands still lingering close to your body. The way Jean with ease was able to put down the two men who looked bruised and battered.

He put his hand out for you to take, he didn’t speak. Just bringing you the comfort you needed from this whole new world experience. Everything was so much bigger outside the walls and you couldn’t ever imagine putting innocent people in walls to keep them trapped.

The events of the night led to an uncomfortable silence once you arrived back to little room on top of the shop. He stripped his shirt off due to the excessive dirt it had got on it. You admired his body, the way each muscle sat perfectly on his abdomen.

You sat on the bed fidgeting with your clothes, you played with the hem of the dress which Jean could see your upper thigh from you doing.“Do you want to talk more about it?”

“I just… i guess it’s the reality.” You muttered as Jean sat beside you his shirt off. Titans seemed less scary than any of these indoctrinated Marleyans any day.

In the years Jean had known you seeing you vulnerable and passive made his heart ache. He took you by the hand letting you attach yourself to his side.

You were scared about the upcoming invasion and even worse you didn’t even know who you’d be fighting. The uncertain of it all being too much.

He walked up to you, moving closer to your smaller frame. “You didn’t have to punch those guys, I...I would’ve said something.”

“Y/n, you’ve been silent all night, you expect me to believe that you would’ve done something.” He bends down his knees touching the ground as he kneeled in front of you. His hands moving to your own stopping you from playing with your dress anymore.

Bringing your hands up to his mouth he kissed it as you could see some bruises, you stroked your thumb against the bruises hopefully it would settle down with some ice later. “What you said back in the bar?” You start to speak but you really had nothing to say, “about not going to those men.”

“I didn’t want you to get hurt if you talked to them and…” He trailed off.

“And?” You question.

He looked up at your bright face filled with love and happiness something he hadn’t seen in a very long time. “And you bring joy, in a shitty world like this I guess you’re the only one who truly brings a smile on my face.”

“Jean when did you get so sappy.” You giggle at his flustered look.

“Oh, shut up.”

“Make me.” The tone in your voice was begging him to take you.

He rolls his eyes, his tongue flicking against the inside of his mouth as he stood up looking at you. He was even taller than before. You were a mouse compared to his frame; he bent his back bringing his face closer towards yours before a hand was placed on your cheek.

He closed the gap between the two of you, making your back hit the bed. His other hand moved to your side as he was on kissing you whilst he was on top. Your back arched at the movements wanting to feel his body on your own, as you deepened the kiss. Your hands in his long hair pulling his body closer to your own, as you felt the hardness come from his trousers.

“This was your plan all along, wasn’t its baby.” He spoke stoically a cocky grin plastered to his face.

You smirked as he let go of your lips, moving his mouth to your neck as he moved your dress down your body, with your collarbone and neck revealed for him. He left marks and sucked on spots making you moan his name loudly.

“I’d…I… would n…never.” The moans engulphed you, you craved him even more.

He had never expected to hear you moan his name, and the sound of it, with you underneath fuelled him even more to continue the act. You closed your eyes as he bit and sucked on your collar before licking the side of your neck. The saltiness it brought making him lick his lips before he went back to kissing you.

The kiss was deeper, quicker than it previously had been, you placed your hands on his exposed chest. The way a single touch from you sent shivers down his spine, “I’ve always like you, y’know.”

“I assumed so.” You giggled, his body was on top of you trapping you between his broad arms and shoulders. It was a sight and you loved it.

You brought yourself up leaning up with your elbows, your dress was half off you and the way he looked at you knew that what would happen tonight had been long awaited from many many years ago. 

proceed to part two here

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[fanmoose12]

Hi fanmoose! Got a prompt for you, if you're interested: Levi seeing the 104th and the vets preparing gifts for Hange's birthday, but he's wondering what to give them so he goes above and beyond... all the Scouts are taken by surprise.

Thanks, and good luck!

i changed a couple of things..... hope you still enjoy it! thanks for the prompt <3

Jean got a notebook. Armin made a new quill, using a feather from the owl he and Mikasa caught. Connie brought from his home village a whole basket of peers Hange loved so much. Sasha was responsible for baking a cake.

Nifa made her favorite brownies. Mike decided to gift Hange a new jacket, Nanaba bought a new pair of shoes, Erwin got her a new pair of glasses and a microscope she was whining about for so long. Moblit drew a fucking portrait of her.

Even Eren, as obtuse as he was, prepared a present for Hange.

“My mom was very good at sewing,” he shared with Levi, in the middle of his training, “she didn’t teach me how to do it,” at that, his voice lost some of its edge, tints of sadness appearing, “but Mikasa knows how to sew and she promised to help me with it!”

Levi could only arch an eyebrow. “And how is that related to a gift for Hange?”

Eren leaned closer with a hand next to his mouth, looking so serious, like he was going to tell the biggest secret in the world. “I’m going to sew a plushie for Squad Leader.”

“A plushie? A fucking toy with your titan’s face?”

There was a beat of silence. Then… “Damn it.” Eren took head in his hands, tugging at his hair with alarming desperation. “Damn it! I should have sewed the plushie of my Titan! Hange-san loves it!”

Yeah, as much as it annoyed Levi, there was certainly no way he could deny that.

“So… what did you sew instead?”

Peaking beneath his fingers, Eren mumbled. “A plushie of me holding a heart that says ‘I love you, Hange’.”

Fuck… as dense as Eren was, Levi had to admit… the gift was not bad at all. Especially for Eren. Especially comparing to his gift, which consisted of…

Nothing.

Just two days were left before Hange’s birthday, and he still no idea what to give her. Hange was probably expecting a present from him. Or, maybe, she was not. She was nice like that – always giving without asking for something in return. Hange was also kind, she thought he was her friend, and even more than that. Best friend, she once told him. And Levi had to admit. He felt it too. Hange was his friend. The first one he made in Survey Corps. The closest one he had.

Some friend he was, apparently. Not even preparing a gift for her.

Sensibly, he knew that he was making a problem out of nothing. He could give Hange something simple – a shampoo she obviously didn’t possess; a book she would probably like and squeal in his ear about; a new shirt or a bottle of good wine.

Hange would probably enjoy these kinds of gift. They were certainly useful. But were they meaningful? Would Hange remember them, ten years from now?

He wanted her to. Hange was his friend, perhaps, even something more. He wanted only the best for her. That’s why picking up a gift was such a problem.

With only two days left, Levi was getting desperate. He was thinking about seeking out help, but just before he gathered the strength…

The help came to him themselves.

“Good day, Levi,” with a good-natured smile, Erwin invaded his office, Mike and Nanaba trailing after him. “Are you busy?”

Levi pointedly looked at the mountain of paperwork on his desk. “Yes,” he drew, “All thanks to you, Erwin.”

“Well, you can take a break,” Erwin waved his hand dismissively, and took a seat on the opposite end of Levi’s desk. Nanaba and Mike occupied the sofa. “We came to discuss something very important,” the smile was gone, as Erwin clenched his jaw and knitted his eyebrows in a hard line. Looking at that expression, Levi felt his stomach sinking. What was this all about? If it was about their upcoming expedition, then where was… “A little birdie shared with us,” Erwin interrupted his heavy thoughts, “That you still have no present for Hange.”

What? Levi gawked at his guests, switching his confused gaze from one to the other.

“And what is the name of that birdie?” He would find that birdie and give them a piece of his mind, for sure. Who dared get poke his nose into his personal matters?

“Please, Levi,” Mike joined the conversation, “You couldn’t get more obvious. I can smell your desperation from miles away.”

Levi’s annoyance rose. Birdies, smelling desperation. Could they talk like normal people?

Seeing his increasing frustration, Nanaba decided to come to rescue. She smiled, tucking a lock of her hair behind an ear. “I overheard your conversation with Eren. You looked a bit distressed, honestly I thought you were going to kick his ass again… And since I doubt Hange is enamored with Eren in that way, I concluded that you…”

“Are angry not because the boy is a titan and spends too much time with Hange, but because he already has a gift prepared, when you do not.” Erwin finished.

Well… the conclusion was sound, at least. But that didn’t mean that Levi felt any less annoyed.

“So?” he raised an eyebrow, staring judgingly at his intruders. “What do you want from me?”

“We want to help, of course,” the smile was back at Erwin’s lips. “And we have some ideas.”

“Such as?”

Nanaba bounced from her seat, crossing the room to bang her palms against the surface of Levi’s desk. He jumped slightly, certainly not expecting it.

“You know what Hange really likes?”

“Books?” Levi tried. “Science? Titans? Books about titan’s science?”

“No, dummy,” Nanaba shook her head, “Hange likes you.”

It took him a long moment to comprehend. Even then, the only thing Levi could get out of his mouth was a very faint, “Eh?”

“We all know how much Hans makes you happy.” Mike said.

They did? How so?

“You spend a lot of time with Hange,” Erwin noted, answering his unasked question.

“And you allow her to do things that you deny everyone else,” Nanaba continued.

“And when she is with you, that constipated expression disappears from your face.” Mike finished.

He… didn’t have a constipated expression. And while Hange did make his days more pleasant and his survival that easier and more enjoyable… Levi was sure that no one knew about it, but him.

“Listen, we all know that you like Hange, and we’re telling you that Hange likes you. That’s why…” Erwin lifted his chin, his smile becoming nearly devilish. Were they still talking about a simple birthday gift? “I made a reservation in a restaurant in Sina. Take Hange there, eat good food, drink some wine, have a good night… Make Hange happy.”

Their suggestion was certainly better than Levi’s nothing. However…

“What you’re offering seems a lot like fraternization. Isn’t that illegal?” he narrowed his eyes at Erwin, skepticism oozing from him. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Perish the thought!” not swayed by Levi’s scary expression, Erwin chuckled. “You’re correct, technically, two officers are not allowed to enter romantic relationship, but I think it’s a little too late for that.” Huh? Just how Levi was meant to interpret that? “Besides… think about humanity, Levi! If you and Hange were to conceive a child…” the expression on Erwin’s face was so dreamy, Levi felt chills at the base of his spine. “A child born from the union of humanity’s strongest and smartest… It could very well save our world!”

Levi stared at his Commander, at loss of words. Saying ‘you’re fucked up in the head, Erwin’ seemed a little too rude even for him, considering that Erwin was his superior officer. Still… he was fucked up in the head.

“Don’t listen to him,” Nanaba spoke, attracting Levi’s attention. “But think about our offer. An evening like that will really make Hange happy. You want that, don’t you?”

Did he want to make Hange happy? More than anything…

“Do it for Hange,” Nanaba urged.

“Do it for love,” Mike added.

“Do it for humanity!” Erwin passionately concluded.

Fucked up in the head, Levi thought. All of them were. Himself, included. But what was he going to lose? Besides, their offer was better than anything he could have come up with.

“Alright,” he surrendered, a sigh escaping him. “I’ll do it.”

Nanaba cheered. Mike nodded at him with a smile. Erwin looked like he was about to cry. Then, to Levi’s horror, he saluted.

“Get out of my office now,” he shooed them away, lowering his gaze back to the papers. “I need to work.”

“Just another quick thing,” Nanaba patted his shoulder with a cheerful smile. “Walk Hange to the door of her room after the dinner. And make sure that you return after nine o’clock.”

Ah. So they had an ulterior motive. Of course. Levi shouldn’t be surprised.

“You’re planning something for Hange, I take it?”

“A little party,” Mike confessed. “We’ll deal with food and drinks, but you’re in charge of getting Hange there in time.”

Levi didn’t remember agreeing to be in charge of Hange, but… he didn’t like the idea of anyone else doing it in his stead.

“Nine o’clock, four-eyes’ room, I got it. Now get out of my office.”

Nanaba, Erwin and Mike didn’t need to be told twice.

___

After finding a solution to his main dilemma, Levi was now met with another, no less important and challenging than the previous one.

Erwin and the others got him a reservation at the restaurant. But... now he needed to invite Hange there.

His first attempt, executed not long after Erwin, Nanaba and Mike left his office, failed spectacularly, despite his expectations. He naively thought that a simple note, carried to Hange via Moblit, would suffice. But, perhaps, the note didn’t reach its destination. Or Hange forgot to read it. Or she somehow misinterpreted the sentence ‘do you want to dine together?’. Or the fault laid in the absence of Levi’s signature.

Nevertheless, he needed to do better.

His next attempt was slightly more successful. At least, he got some kind of reaction. Still not reaction he had needed. Apparently, there were ways that one could misunderstand the simple phrase ‘hey, four-eyes, want to eat with me?’. Levi had expected a very enthusiastic ‘yes’. Instead he received ‘I’ll see you at the dinner’ and a door to his face.

Evidently, he had to do not only better, but also be a little clearer about his intentions.

After lots of pondering, Levi decided that nothing could be clearer than throwing a shiny new black jacket from Mike at Hange and barking, “Get dressed, Hange. We’re going out.”

That got him an intrigued ‘oooh’ and a promise to be ready in five minutes.

Levi smirked to himself. Finally, his plan had worked. Finally, he got through that brilliant and extremely dense head.

___

At first, the dinner was, for the lack of better word,extremely awkward.

Erwin failed to mention just how fancy the restaurant would be. Turned out, it was fancy. Very fancy. Fancier than anything Levi had seen in his life. Even Hange, despite not being a street rat from Underground, was feeling a little off.

“Everyone is staring at us,” she whispered to him, leaning over the table to do so.

Hange was right. Everyone was gawking at them. Perhaps, the reason for it was their clothes. Both of them were dressed in their best suits. Still, their best didn’t even begin to reach the best of the gathered crowd. Perhaps, other guests were weirded out by Hange’s loud cheer at the sight of meat in the menu.

Or, perhaps, their reputation preceded them, and everyone in here knew about humanity’s strongest soldier and crazy titan scientist, two of Erwin Smith’s loyal devils.

Whatever the case was, Levi didn’t like the obvious staring. They came here to eat and have a good time, not be observed like clowns in the circus.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered back to her. He really was. It was Erwin’s mistake, but it was Hange’s birthday and it was his fault for not checking the restaurant beforehand. He was a scout, for fuck’s sake. It was his job.

“Don’t even start,” Hange huffed, waving her hand dismissively. “Not the first time I receive that sort of treatment. Probably not the last one as well.”

Hange paused, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “And if they want to look at us so much, let’s give them something to stare at.”

Levi’s lips twitched up. “And what do you suggest?”

“Let’s order the priciest meals they have, eat them like animals they think we are, and then run away and let Erwin deal with that.”

There were many reasons why Levi loved Hange. This was one of them.

___

True to Hange’s plan, they were at their worst behavior. They used spoons instead of forks, they drank straight from the bottle, Hange ate the dessert with her hands, smearing cake all over her mouth, cheeks, palms and shirt. Barely keeping himself from laughing out loud, Levi wiped it all with his cravat, as Hange cooed at his chivalry.

Two hours later, their stomachs were full, the crowd was scandalized, their hearts were merry and their eyes were shining with unbridled mischief.

“I think we’ve succeeded at making the worst impression possible,” Hange spoke, following it with a loud laughter. Several guest scoffed at the volume. Levi showed all of them his scariest scowl. The rich fuckers returned their attention to their plates in record time.

“It’s time we make our exit,” he agreed.

He looked at Hange more closely, thinking if he should take the risk. She had been touching him freely throughout the whole evening. She pressed their calves together under the table, she ran a hand through his arm, she let him touch her face and tilt her chin. She didn’t seem opposed to the idea, so… Levi took a deep sighed, searching for every bit of courage inside of him. Once all of it was gathered, he took Hange by the hand, helping her to stand up.

To his surprise and huge relief, she didn’t shake his hand off. On the contrary, she squeezed his palm and interlaced their fingers.

Hand in hand, they started towards walking out of the restaurant. On his way there, Levi discreetly pushed a plate of soup at some wealthy lady, staining her light creamy dress and receiving a indignant cry and a joyous giggle from Hange.

After that, they had to speed up a little. It was Hange’s birthday. Levi didn’t want to spend it in the prison cell.

Once they were outside and some distance away from the restaurant, Hange stopped.

“Shit, Levi! Had you seen her face? She was—”

She didn’t finish. Hange leaned against the wall and threw her head back, laughing without abandon. She doubled over, hugging her stomach, her mirth not ceasing. Finding her mood strangely infectious, Levi couldn’t help but chuckle too.

Still snickering to herself, Hange looked up to meet his gaze. Her whole body was shaking from the laughter, and tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. Disheveled, red-faced and laughing, she was the most beautiful sight Levi had ever seen. The moonlight and faint stars only accentuated her beauty.

Levi was lost in watching her.

Subconsciously, in a mindless attempt to get a better look at the wonder that was Hange Zoe, he leaned in.

Hange leaned in too, her hand finding place at his shoulder. She moved that hand slightly, closer to his neck. Her fingers ghosted around his hairline, making him shiver.

He was looking in her eyes. Hange was looking at his lips.

The world around the two of them faded, the sounds of a street at night, the singing from the nearby pub disappearing to the background.

Levi didn’t know, had failed to register who moved first. But a moment later, his hand was on her waist, and Hange buried her fingers in his hair. And then, they were kissing – sloppily, desperately, without skill but with lots of passion.

Levi felt like he was struck by lightning. Nothing he had ever done before felt even remotely as good as kissing Hange did.

As the kiss progressed, becoming deeper, Levi found himself pressed against the wall.

Hange was everywhere – her tongue was in his mouth, her palms on his cheeks, her knee was rising, resting against his crotch. It was almost too much. And yet, not enough.

“Hange, Hange,” with some difficulty, he separated himself from her hot mouth and soft lips. “Hange, if someone sees us—”

“Oh, right,” still pressed dangerously close to him, she giggled. “Erwin would have a heart attack if we get jailed for making out on the streets. He’d deem us a disappointment to humanity.”

“Back to barracks then?”

Hange licked her lips and winked. Levi felt another strong surge of desire. “We can continue there.”

After that kind of promise, Levi hurried to find where they left their horses. He all but raced there, and jumped on his loyal stallion, grasping the reins a little too tightly.

Hange followed his suit. “Who arrives at the barracks first, gets to be on top?” she challenged.

Without waiting for his reply, she started off. Cursing, Levi struggled to keep up.

That day, he learned one essential lesson. Riding a horse with a raging boner was a fucking torture.

___

Hange was the first one to reach the stumbles. Dismounting her horse, she ran up to Levi, pulling him off the saddle and instantly connecting their lips. Levi would have liked to complain, but… who was he kidding?

Without another word, he brought Hange closer, putting his hand on her hip.

Just as the first one, the second kiss was amazing, enough to knock his breath out and make his knees buckle underneath him.

“If that’s my birthday gift,” Hange murmured, panting after they broke apart. “Then it’s the best one I ever had.”

And here Levi thought that there was nothing more enjoyable than kissing Hange. But as he saw her gentle smile, the adoring expression in her twinkling eyes, he was ready to melt in her arms.

However, he wouldn’t be himself if he passed an opportunity to use a sarcastic quip. “Is it better than Erwin’s microscope? Than Eren’s plushie?”

Hange put a finger to her chin, looking up with a thoughtful expression. “The microscope is really good, and that plushie is so adorable…” Levi’s good spirits vanished, as something ugly found its place inside his chest. Before it could manifest in a scowl, Hange caught his lips with hers once again.

“But nothing is better than you, shorty,” she confessed as they separated.

Hange likes you, Nanaba had said. She wasn’t wrong, it seemed.

“Your room or mine?” he asked, already tugging off Hange’s jacket.

“Mine. I was the one to win, after all,” she smirked, rapidly turning away and starting to run. Levi had no choice but to chase her.

___

He caught up with her near the entrance. Ceasing the moment, he wrapped arms around her waist, pressing her to him. Hange’s giggle turned into a moan. Levi delighted in that.

Exchanging messy kisses, they tumbled through the front door. Unable to break away from each other, they clumsily walked through the barracks, tripping and stumbling. And, despite the growing desire, they didn’t hurry as well. They stopped near the stairwell, so Hange could put a hickey on a spot above his collarbone. They paused at the middle of the hallway, so Levi could grind against her. Hange pressed him against the wall to whisper, “Fuck, Levi, this feels so good.”

When they reached the bedroom, Levi was ready to cheer. It was the longest walk through the barracks he had ever had. Was Hange’s room always that far away from the entrance?

With her hands shaking, she searched through her pockets for a key. She found it after a long minute that Levi spent kissing her neck. Once she fished it out, she put the key in the keyhole, and decided to celebrate that grand achievement with another breathtaking kiss.

Getting a little too eager, Levi pushed Hange forward. That was his mistake.

Apparently, the door to her room wasn’t closed. And, apparently,the room also wasn’t empty.

Unfortunately, Levi realized that and remembered the second part of Erwin’s plan a second too late. After he had heard the loud and cheerful ‘Happy birthday, Hange!’

With his arms still around Hange, he froze. Everyone else in the room froze too. The awkward silence settled over.

Levi’s thought frantically moved around his head, jumping from one corner to another. What should he do? Apologize? Let Hange go? Tell all of them to fuck off so he and Hange could finish what they had started?

However, he didn’t get to decide what to do with the unexpected audience. Hange chose for him.

“Guys!” she clasped her hands joyfully, her smile brighter than all the candles that stood around the room combined. “That’s so sweet! Thank you!”

She pulled away from Levi, sprinting to get to her friends. She gave a tight hug to Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, Moblit, Nifa, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, Jean, Connie… Levi thought the string of people who wanted Hange’s attention would never end.

After hugs, came cake, and after cake was wine. He felt ignored, he felt utterly forgotten. He contemplated if he should go back to his room. He wanted Hange to kiss him again.

But instead he was sulking in the corner, munching on a cake Sasha had prepared. At least, the cake was good. But his frustration left a bitter taste in his mouth.

As his plate was emptied, Levi thought once again about leaving. But in that exact moment, seemingly out of nowhere, Hange appeared by his side.

“Planning to ditch the party early?” she wiggled her eyebrows, staring at him with unmasked mischief.

“It’s your birthday, not mine, four-eyes.”

“Exactly!” Hange threw an arm over his shoulders. “You’re my guest of honor!”

Ignoring the awakening of butterflies in his stomach and chalking them up to the effects of Sasha’s cake, Levi grunted, “Meaning?”

“Meaning I want you to stay!”

Levi rolled his eyes. He couldn’t really say no to Hange today, right? Although, he had troubles saying no to her any other day as well…

“And thank you for spending the whole evening with me,” Hange punctuated her gratitude with a kiss to his cheek. The butterflies were now flying freely, making Levi dizzy. It was hard to deny their origin anymore, with the trigger standing so close to him. “It was the best birthday I ever had.”

Well, that was all the gratitude Levi needed.

Before she left his side to receive more birthday wishes from their friends, Hange put her mouth above his ear, lowering her voice to a whisper, “Stay until the end, shorty. I’m not finished with you.”

She bounced off before he could give an answer. Perhaps, it was fairly obvious to her.

After all, how he could refuse Hange on the day of her birthday? How could he say no to receiving more of her attentions, and kisses?

With a satisfied hum, Levi settled against the wall, aiming his glare at all the guests. He couldn’t wait until all of them would leave. He couldn’t wait to have Hange all to himself.

[tundrainafrica]

That Levihan fic you mentioned from Erwin's pov....I would be VERY interested in reading that if you ever decided to post it just so you know...(no pressure ofc tho <3)

Thank you for the ask anon! 

Ask and you shall receive. 

Title: Omissions

Summary:  

“Erwin first suspected that there was something going on between the squad leader and the captain during one of their strategy meetings. It was in the greetings and farewells they exchanged as fellow soldiers."

The development of Levi and Hange's relationship from Commander Erwin’s POV

Written for @levihanweek  Angstober 2020. Prompt: Greetings and Farewells

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Notes: This was originally written for  Levihanangstober 2020 for the prompt, "Greetings and Farewells" I was just generally unsatisfied with how it turned out so I decided to write "free spot" instead. Since this paled in comparison, I kinda had this idea that it was horrible. But reading it again now, it wasn't bad per se. In fact, I had fun looking back at this fic.

Thank you to the anon for that request. That got me the courage at least to reopen this file.

Erwin first suspected that there was something going on between the squad leader and the captain during one of their strategy meetings.

It was in the greetings and farewells they exchanged as fellow soldiers.

Or their lack of it at least. Erwin thought to himself as he watched the two make their way out of the office and into the hallway together.

The meetings usually ended at nine in the evening. With physical drills awaiting them early the next morning, officers usually went straight to their rooms. Although his room was more accessible to the corridor on the right, Levi always accompanied Hange as the latter exited through the left.

Erwin had discounted it the few times to survey corps business between the two, maybe training, maybe collaborations. Hange would want to test different weapons on titans or secure samples out in the field and to prevent unnecessary deaths, it was only natural she would coordinate with Levi to help secure her projects.

Erwin started to watch their dynamics more closely when he noticed that their leaving meetings together had become routine. Having spent a fair share of his younger years hanging out in bars with Nile and dating women, he was confident he could pick out a developing relationship if it bloomed right in front of him.

The pattern was there. Erwin just had to press the right buttons.

The next meeting, Erwin took note of the body language of the two as he summarized the agenda towards the end of the meeting. That was usually the point where everyone started tidying up their paperwork and sat up straight, ready to leave.

While Hange had also started to pick up her paperwork, Erwin could not help but notice that she had snuck a glance at Levi more than once.

"Levi. Stay behind."

"Sure." Levi was quick to reply, his tone as neutral as it always was.

Erwin kept his eyes trained on Hange. If he had not been purposefully observing her, he probably would not have caught it. For a second Hange had looked surprised but a little panicked at the sudden order he made.

He needed to probe more to be sure. That night, he drilled Levi for updates on his squad so as not to raise suspicion for having made him stay in the first place.

The meeting after that when Erwin ordered the same thing to Hange, Levi had briefly glanced at the brunette before looking back again at his paperwork, his expression unchanged. Levi's reaction was more subtle but Erwin had worked with the captain long enough to know that any reaction from someone as stoic as him was big news.

He drilled Hange on any developments with her research. They were already starting to plan their next expedition so it was only natural that he would want to talk to the logistics leader.

"There's this new test I wanted to try. We've already proven that titans use their sight often with hunting. I want to get more information on their hearing and maybe create a sound grenade." Hange explained.

"Have you tried collaborating with Levi?" Erwin suggested. It was an unnecessary suggestion Levi had become valuable to Hange's research already. With his fighting skills, he was easily able to secure areas outside the wall, and had prevented unnecessary deaths during her previous research activities.

"I've been working with Levi lately actually. There were so many things I wanted to try out so I have been bothering him a lot. I haven't told you about it?" Hange gave Erwin a sheepish grin.

Erwin noticed a slight blush but at that point wondered if it was just excitement and maybe slight embarrassment at failing to properly report her progress to him. "Just do what you need to do to keep your department running." He said. "If Levi is free and you need someone to accompany you, I don't mind you asking him for help."

"Yes sir." Hange looked more relaxed.

Erwin started to think that he could be wrong about a relationship blooming between them. He had seen Hange blush the same way when she enthused about titans and research. He had never seen Levi blush though and wondered if he did at all.

Hange and Levi had similar goals and may have just decided to work closely to achieve them, they were aberrant humans, their personalities at complete ends of the spectrum, coincidentally working towards similar goals. Erwin eventually realized that his experience with relationships did not cover those eccentric enough at least to join a group with mortality rates as high as that of the survey corps. He was the only one from his own group of friends among the cadets who had joined the survey corps after all. He conceded that with what he knew then, he could not assume the status of their relationship.

"Hange," Erwin started as the brunette made her way to the door. "Remember, the preservation of humanity should always be your ultimate goal of your research. You made that oath when you joined the survey corps. Don't lose sight of it."

Just in case his first suspicion was correct.

                                     Omissions

He might have been thinking too far with what he suspected. The inkling that something might still be there remained. To placate it when he could though, Erwin decided at least to try for some extra assurance.

That night he took the corridor to the left on the way back to his room. It circled the whole camp so it meant an extra ten minutes to get to his room.

Why would Hange and Levi take that extra ten minutes to their room? Unless there was some place they would want to visit after meetings.

It was easy to deduce after that train of thought that the only place worth staying in after dark was the dining hall.

He was proven right when he neared the dining hall and heard the distinct voice of one Hange Zoe. He could not make out what she was talking about as he stood outside but he could make out her voice, her tone and a distinct softness he had not heard before. Hange was generally an emotional person and she spoke to her subordinates with a unique tone that exudes both authority and gentleness.

At that moment though, talking privately to Levi, her tone was much softer and warmer. It was not the tone anyone would expect from a soldier.

"Knowing you four eyes, you'd fuck it all up…" Levi's voice seemed more relaxed.

A change in tone when talking to someone one's attracted to was evidence in itself of a possibly blooming relationship. Given their eccentric personalities though, Erwin was not satisfied.

Erwin entered the dining hall. "You too, what are you doing out so late at night?"

Before Erwin could even catch their expressions, both faces had morphed into that of complete astonishment at the sudden entrance of their commander.

"Commander Erwin…" Hange's eyes widened in surprise.

"It isn't healthy to stay up this late," he lectured as he approached the table they occupied towards the corner of the room.

"We don't sleep much anyway." Levi answered as he took a sip of tea.

"Talking about new developments?" Erwin asked, keeping his eyes focused on their expressions.

Levi's expression as usual, was unchanging.

Hange on the other hand, grinned at Erwin excitedly. "He agreed to test the sound bomb with me outside the walls. I was about to explain to him how I created it actually."

Erwin sat down on a chair next to them. "If you don't mind me here, I'd like to listen too."

If there was something going on between them, they probably would have at least looked a little disappointed to have a third wheel hanging around. Erwin surprisingly felt welcomed as Levi moved a little to the side to give Erwin leg room and Hange continued on to her tirade on her new invention.

Erwin started to see that it was in the way they talked, and the way they peppered the conversation with their personality. Hange would sometimes briefly digress from the main topic to rave about miniscule details and Levi noticeably made more vulgar jokes in between. Their shift in their tones towards each other did not change even as Erwin joined them.

As they exchanged ideas, Erwin saw that their expressions were very much consistent with their shifts in tone. Hange's eyes were somehow brighter as she enthused about her inventions and Levi somehow lost his almost perpetual sullen manner as he responded to her.

Back when he was dating, Erwin had felt self conscious about those small details when talking to Marie. He had always tried to remain stoic while with Marie to preserve the peace between him and his friend.

Those two did not seem self conscious at all to be showing this side of themselves to Erwin.

"You two talk like a married couple." Erwin commented.

They both turned to Erwin, looking genuinely surprised at his comment. A few moments later, their faces turned pink at the realization of what he just said.

At least we know they can be self conscious.

Knowing their personalities, Erwin realized he shouldn't have been surprised if they did not notice it. They did not look like the types to just jump into a relationship or even know how it usually develops in the first place.

Erwin just nodded in fake agreement as he listened to the pair scrambling for a justification for their too friendly exchanges. The latter was too busy fitting the pieces together to even make sense of it.

There was something going on between them. They just didn't know it yet.

                                      Omissions

Erwin had let that complicated relationship between the two parties continue as it did prove to come with its own results.

The researches of Hange were done efficiently with little to no unnecessary deaths in the process. While working together, the two had reported success in the invention of the flash bomb, the sound grenade and further improvements to the gun used for scouting formations.

While it did develop, Erwin started to worry. The reason he had broken up with Marie in the first place is because he also knew that love could be a distraction. At that point in time, it proved to have been an inspiration for both of them.

What would happen if they figure out their feelings for each other? If they do get together?

In his many years in the survey corps, Erwin had not seen any relationship end well since most anyone who had fallen in love within the survey corps, had their vision clouded at one point and ended up dead.

The saving grace came in the fact that both soldiers were just too dense to figure it out for themselves and had attributed the passion and exhilaration that came with being together to a passion for their jobs.

Erwin thought it better to keep it that way. For the betterment of the survey corps.

He could not risk losing his two best soldiers.

Fortunately for Erwin, within a few years, the establishment of the Special Operations Squad, Hange and Levi continued to find more reason to work together. With the survey corps constantly developing and constantly on the move though, the two never did probe further into that bond between them.

Erwin still continued to keep close tabs with them, enlisting the help of Mike.

With Hange's new resolve to capture a titan came new developments to their relationship beyond their hanging out together until the wee hours of morning.

As Hange started to push her agenda for capturing titans, she started to become more reckless. Erwin did not know at first whether that may have been from the actual excitement or a development. When Levi initially vocalized his rejection during their meetings, looking to have his squad's safety in mind, Erwin suspected the former.

One expedition, Hange rushed to the forest to chase an aberrant. Erwin had confidence in her ability to stay alive but had ordered Levi to chase after her. The latter was already on his horse when Erwin turned to him.

He wondered if he should have let Mike go instead, when they came back with a journal and Levi's sudden 180. The journal proved to be a breakthrough of a discovery and with two of his most trusted officers pushing for the agenda, he ended up approving it anyway.

How had she convinced Levi to help her capture a titan?

During the capture mission, there were no casualties so he could rest easy, knowing that they were at least still thinking straight.

Either way, the possibility of their relationship deepening continued to weigh on Erwin's mind.

In the case that they did start to suspect, would he let it happen? Or would he try to stop it?

They had become two of his closest friends over the years and as someone close to them, he felt it was his duty to at least nudge them in the right direction. His duty as commander protested this sentiment and in the end, he chose to err on the side of omission. If they did get together, he could at least convince himself that he had been busy with other things.

After the assault at Trost, Hange had busied herself with her new captured titans while Levi took custody of their newfound titan shifter Eren in the old scout headquarters.

A few days before their 57th expedition, Erwin called Moblit in for a quick report on the squad leaders movements, feigning worry over the Hange's sleeping schedule.

Moblit reported that Hange had visited the quarters a few times to experiment on Eren. Of course Hange would have been interested in the titan shifter. As the assistant reported to the commander, he did not look like he suspected anything at all.

Valid reasons at least.

The night the new captured titans were found dead, Erwin in between preparing for the 57th expedition in barracks and pondering the culprit, found Levi along the corridors of the barracks.

The scouting headquarters was at least a few hours ride away from the barracks.

"How's Eren?" Erwin asked. What are you doing here?

"Eren is in the basement of the old castle now so he wouldn't give my squad too hard of a time if he transforms."

"Tell Hange we're meeting tomorrow night in my office. I need to share something about the next expedition."

"WIll do."

As Erwin watched Levi make his way to the corridors to what he was sure was Hange's room, he could not help but note that Levi was not at all defending his effort or his motivations for visiting the barracks for the night.

Erwin felt his heart constrict and allowed himself to express some empathy for the two as soon as he got into his office. He sat on his chair, looked up at the blank ceiling of his empty office and closed his eyes.

Do you really not see it? He let out a painful sigh.

                                          Omissions

The night after the 57th expedition, having sustained multiple losses, he knew he would be facing trial at the capital. They had discussed the certainty of Annie being the female titan but by then, Erwin was considering the possibility that they could be wrong, and the survey corps could get dissolved.

After that, Hange helped an injured Levi to an empty meeting room, most likely to tend to his wounds and console the captain after he had lost his whole squad.

He did not know what happened between them in the room. Levi though, was due to accompany him to the capital. When he came out of the headquarters and into the carriage with a dinner jacket a few sizes too big for him, Erwin knew something was up.

"That's Hange's jacket."

"She lent it to me."

He did not question any further. There were far more important problems to consider than the relationship between his two soldiers. He distracted himself by furtively observing the body language of Levi. As they got closer to the capital where they were to stand trial, the captain held the dinner jacket closer to himself.

Seeking her warmth? Erwin thought. That unfunny joke was mostly for himself. Somehow he knew, that would be the last time he'd have time to think about them for a while.  

The capture of the three titan shifters and the impending coup d'etat kept Erwin busy. Too busy to even consider the possibly blooming relationship of the two.

It was only after losing his arm and ending up out of commission did he have time to think about them again.

Especially with Hange as the new commander. As he lay in bed that one night, he allowed himself a few seconds to wonder what Hange's appointment as commander could mean for their relationship. A few times since then, he had considered telling them. His inclination to keep the future commander focused won over.

With the crowning of the new queen and the operation to take back Wall Maria nearing, Erwin was sure there were soldiers who would not make it back. Hange and Levi were no exceptions.

After he had brought that reality up in their meeting and after Levi had confronted him on his own intentions to join the operation, the next few times he saw Levi, the latter was with Hange.

Erwin noticed that they had watched each other's backs as they arrived on the wall at Shiganshina. As Erwin assigned Hange and Levi's squad to the armored and colossal titan  and Levi to take care of the horses, he snuck a glance at Levi and Hange who had given each other one last look before separating. From his angle, he could only see Hange's face.

A face that made his lip quiver and his stomach drop. A face of painful surrender.

                                               Omissions

"What happened to Hange?"

When Levi asked that in the middle of the already bloody battlefield, Erwin felt his chest constrict. He scolded himself a few seconds later for having even taken up valuable mind space to consider their relationship.

Erwin looked to Levi, keeping his face expressionless. "I don't know."

She was most probably dead. No one could have survived the explosion and Erwin had felt a small twinge of guilt at having assigned Hange there in the first place.

Levi was an important piece in the battlefield though and as commander, one of his priorities was to keep Levi on his feet. If it meant lying, then so be it.

                                           Omissions

Dedicate your hearts. Death came in slow motion.

It gave him enough time to come to terms with the reality of the war and his own decisions. He himself had thrown out his humanity, his relationships and his worldly attachments for the knowledge and the freedom he had promised his father he would attain.

For a second, he considered as well the other soldiers who would be following the same path. And the one soldier who would be filling his shoes soon enough.

Hange.

And by extension, that one soldier that had been joined to her hip since day one, despite their being on different squads.

Hange and Levi had made that same salute countless times, further proving their dedication through the years they had spent working under him. He couldn’t help but think the vague relationship the two had set up for themselves had brought forth all the developments to make the take back of Wall Maria possible. It could have also been the other way around.

Nagging regret had clung to his chest despite having pushed his thoughts elsewhere.

Had he really done it on purpose? Was it a conscious decision on his end to have kept the two from even understanding the inkling of a relationship between them? The inkling of a feeling, a sense of trust that dug deeper than a close friendship?

Did you do it for the right reasons? He allowed himself a glance at Levi who was starting to cut at the titans at the wings of the beast titan. His thoughts shifted there. Would Levi have been able to manage this feat if he had known?

It was a hypothetical and Erwin was sure he would never know. As the rocks sailed towards him, Erwin set aside all regrets, all the thoughts that had left him almost tempted to turn back.

Victory for humanity. He let those words echo in his head and overpower his laments and regrets.

Victory for humanity. In the end, that’s all that matters.

[theomengirl]

hello! may i request a friends to lovers scenario with erwin smith ? 🥺 thank you!!!!

Thank you for the request! I added a little comedy in this so i hope you don't mind. Sorry this took a while but i hope you’d like it <3

- Fool -

scenario: being good friends for years, will Erwin continue on keeping the title?

Discerning. Tall. Amazing self-control. Leadership. Good-looking. Remarkable combat skills. Erwin Smith has it all.

Everyone talked about him as soon as he joined the Survey Corps. He was said to be very ambitious to explore the outside world which gained confusion of the people he talked to.

He may be smart and all, but stupid to let himself swayed by curiosity only to get eaten by those giant motherfuckers

That's what everyone thought, but you didn't. You approached him because he was unique and you wanted to befriend him. Eventually, the two of you will be comrades.

Just leave if you want to befriend me out of pity

Don't get ahead of yourself. I'm friends with anyone who aren't scaredy-cats and smartasses

It didn't take long to be friends with Erwin eventhough he was obviously shocked by your... choice of words.

Teasing him about his bushy eyebrows. Telling shitty jokes to make him laugh. Making weird facial expressions just to annoy him when he was being concentrated on something. All of it were parts of your daily routine and Erwin never get mad.

But he got a bit tense and raised his voice when you injured yourself which surprised you by his sudden change of behavior.

It's only a cut. You're making it a big deal

Shut up or i won't tell you regarding the plans on upcoming expeditions the higher-ups have been working on

You instantly went silenced as you let him stitched your wound caused by excessive training. He knew you were also ambitious when it comes to the Survey Corps. He stayed on your side until you healed.

The friendship you and Erwin shared led to mutual trusts, resulting in solid team work and notable achievements. He always watched your back and you also did everything to protect him.

In a blink of an eye, youth was gone and both of you entered your 30s. Everything remained the same except for the wrinkles that started to appear and of course, ascend in ranks. He became the Commander and you served directly under him as one of the Squad Leaders.

Maybe not exactly the same because...

He was aware of it.

He could feel the burn sensation on his cheeks when you playfully hopped on his back.

He found himself smiling like a fool everytime you acted silly in front of him.

He frequently asked for your presence at his office just to know how you've been doing.

There's only one answer.

He's in love with his best friend.

You.

~~~~~

“What should i do now?”

You huffed, gulping down a glass of beer in your hand.

“Hey, stop drinking. You’ve had enough,” Hanji said as she attempted to steal the glass.

You pushed her away. “I’m fine, okay? You’re worried for nothing,” you let out a small chuckle as you continued to gulp it down, then you put the glass down. “Hanji, tell me. Is it normal to love your good friend? Or is it because i’m already in my 30s but still living my single life? I’ve been feeling so lonely but that idiot is as clueless as ever.”

Hanji let out another sigh. She’s been listening to your rants about Erwin for the past two hours.

“Like i said, tell him how you feel. I’ve been watching you guys since we were cadets and his eyes were shooting hearts at you, didn’t you realize that?”

You glanced at Hanji and shushed her out by putting your finger on her mouth. “No way! That idiot won’t like someone as messy as me. Don’t you think so, hey you little kid!” You suddenly pointed your finger at some random stranger who’s obviously not a kid. Hanji quickly let your hand down while mouthing ‘sorry’ as she was puzzled.

"Let's get out of here. You're losing yourself," Hanji were packing your things, preparing to go home when you suddenly ran towards small stage inside the bar.

"Hey, (Y/N)!" Hanji called out in frustration. She was panicking on her seat as you grabbed a mic and made your entrance.

The crowd started to murmur at your presence.

Please, (Y/N). Don't do something you'll regret forever, where the hell are they?!

Hanji thought to herself. She kept looking back and forth at you standing on the stage and the main door, hoping they would come.

"Hooooow many of ya here in love with yeeeer best friend? Raise your hand!" You asked the audience with overflowing confidence, you couldn't even stand still.

Everyone was confused as to what is a drunk person doing up there, but surprisingly some played along with you spewing nonsense.

"Me! I'm in love with my childhood friend but she's now married to my boss!" A person shouted.

"My best friend dumped me as soon as i told her my feelings!" Another one confessed.

"Yeeeer rock ma men!" You gave thumbs up to them, resulting in loud laughter filling the bar. "Let me tell you ma case. We've been friends since our teenage years, but he's d-uuuuuuuumb! I aaaalways show him ma utmost care but he didn't notice that i like him, is that ma problem?"

The people booed at the person you referred to, of course it's Erwin.

Hanji couldn't believe the event happening before her very eyes. You'll definitely remember this for life.

"Hanji! Where is she?"

Hanji was overjoyed when the two people she'd been waiting desperately finally came. She knew you'd cause trouble in your drunken state so she told Levi and Erwin in case things started to get out of hands... and it did.

"Oh? H-heeeeeeeeey!" A hiccup escaped your throat as you noticed the blond man was there. "Everyone! Meet ma dumb best friend whom i have feelings for, the Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith!" You cheered and clapped your hands. "You made me wait for damn years, asshole! Now make me your girlfriend or i'll pull out your eyebrows!"

Erwin was perplexed at the sudden attention he got from the whole bar. Hanji was totally done with the situation. Levi clenched his teeth.

"Fuck. We're late."

~~~~~

Erwin smiled widely at the person beside him, sleeping peacefully with her flushed cheeks. The first rays of sunlight lit up the room, the chorus of melodic birdsong drifted in. A perfect morning, especially with you.

It was hectic last night. You literally made a fool out of yourself, not to mention he also got humiliated by your public confession. Levi even swore to never allow you to sip on alcohol again.

But above all, he was beyond happy to know that you returned his feelings. He was thrilled at the thoughts of waking up next to you every morning, kissing you to his heart's content, spending the days as lovers. He's ready to more adventures with you as his partner, romantically. That's all what matters.

He caressed your face, admiring your beauty that got him overwhelmed. He'd always thought you were beautiful since the first time he met you. He poked your nose, giggled by himself. He couldn't get enough of you.

Your eyes began to twitch, slowly opening them.

"Good morning, girlfriend."

You heard Erwin saying something. You got up and rubbed your eyes, finally having a clear vision.

You were in his bedroom. Bedroom. You two shared the same bed. You spent the night together. You knew something happened last night.

"I... did i dozed off while writing reports?" You asked him, smiling awkwardly.

Erwin gave you a smirk and he leaned in closer to you with his bare chest. His blue eyes staring at you intently, he gave you a kiss on the forehead before heading to his closet and putting on his uniform. You were in a daze.

"I didn't know you were so keen on becoming my girlfriend. Let's talk about this later after i finished with my meeting," he reached for the door knob. "And don't pretend like nothing happened once you remember. Rest well and i'll be back, my love."

He exited the room, leaving you alone with your wild thoughts.

A moment later, the memories from last night started to reappear.

You remember it.

You clearly saw it. The embarrassment.

You fucked up.

But the fact that Erwin is now your lover got you excited.

And you couldn’t wait for him to be back from his Commander duty.

[arlingtonpark]

SNK 129 Review

*

Attack on Titan is a very violent series. People get torn, crushed, cut, shot, and bludgeoned basically every other chapter. Loved ones are lost tragically. Mangled corpses feature regularly. The main character is one of the most ruthless people in the world.

What makes SNK so interesting is how it depicts violence. People have described the series’ depiction of violence as “unvarnished” and “real” and I’d say that’s true, but there so much more to it than that.

It’s not just that the series depicts violence viscerally. That’s been done before.

It’s not even that the series depicts violence as a fact of life.

What sets SNK apart is that it treats violence as endemic.

In Attack on Titan, violence is not only real and unfortunate, not just a fact of life we have to deal with, it’s ever present.

Yeah, this is a story about people who have to fight giants, and then the whole world, to survive. Violence would be an inevitable part of the plot no matter what.

But Attack on Titan goes above and beyond that.

It’s about the emphasis. Some stories would argue that violence should be avoided at all costs. The hero and villain are at odds with each other, but they manage to broker some kind of deal.

Or a story could acknowledge that violence is sometimes necessary. It could be an action movie that kicks off after the conflict has already spiraled into violence. In that case, the question of why people start shooting at each other isn’t necessarily important.

Or the story could show how the conflict came to violence, but emphasize the undesirability of resorting to war.

What makes Attack on Titan unique is that it focuses very much on the origins of violence, but doesn’t emphasize the undesirability of it.

Every conflict in this story is resolved using violence. If this were just a mindless action show, that’d be fine, but this is a series that invites the reader to dwell on whether violence was appropriate.

Unlike most stories Attack on Titan concludes, after all its philosophizing, that non-violent alternatives are a waste of time!

Paradis’ attempts to broker peace with the world are presented as flailing and unsuccessful. Every attempt by Armin to negotiate with the enemy fails.

King Fritz is depicted as a coward, a control freak, and a fool because of his ideology. His ideology of non-violence.

Attack on Titan seems to mock people who don’t want to have to kill. Because of that, the series almost seems to revel in its bloodshed, even as that bloodshed is depicted as gruesome and ugly.

SNK isn’t like Gundam.

Gundam has always had the theme that war is bad. SNK’s theme seems to be that war is unfortunate but necessary.

The difference between those two themes is huge but subtle.

Another important pillar of this series is freedom.

The Survey Corps rides out into the outside world constantly. Every one of them knows they’ll be trampled and torn apart at some point; they do it anyway because they believe in their cause.

That cause is to fight for freedom.

Freedom in Attack on Titan means being able to decide your own fate. If you want to explore the outside world, you can do that. If you want to found a family, you can do that. If you want to virtue signal by adopting the same dream as your friend, you can do that.

But people don’t have to literally be a slave to be unfree.

In Attack on Titan, you can be unfree just by being a slave to other people’s expectations.

People expected that Eren would be humanity’s savior. He was sold to the public as a trump card against the titans: a human who had their power. He was the advantage humanity needed to win. After 100 years, humanity catches a big break, and his name was Eren Jeager.

But it never panned out that way.

The expectation was always unrealistic. Eren was still one (not particularly bright) person, and he was never going to destroy all the titans himself.

Come the end of the Uprising arc, and Eren has not really contributed anything, and he starts to give himself grief.

When it’s revealed his existence seems to have impeded humanity’s survival, Eren begs for death. The weight of everyone’s expectations had crushed him.

Eren had been a slave to the Rogue Titan hype machine.

After Historia’s ahem “pep talk” and some post-cavern ruminations, Eren starts to let go of that way of thinking, and he’s better off for it.

He still works hard, but he doesn’t think he has to carry the world on his back, and thanks to Historia and the military overshadowing him in Uprising, people in general expect less of him, too.

Eren had been liberated from people’s expectations.

Freedom also means freedom from the past.

The Eldians are dogged by their history. Every major villain so far has thought Eldians deserved to die for the sins of their ancestors.

Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie were brainwashed to believe Eldians were devil children.

The Marleyans hammer at that point to this day.

Zeke is convinced Eldians are a curse partly because of the animosity caused by the Empire’s history.

We haven’t seen King Fritz yet, but he’s probably the craziest one of them all. He is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo convinced that Eldians carry an irredeemable stain because of their ancestor’s actions that he’ll let their enemies slaughter them.

So it’s not just what people do in the present that can make you unfree. Attack on Titan is also about not being held back by the past.

There’s one more aspect of freedom in SNK to bring up, and I think it’s one of the more underappreciated ones: the importance of posterity.

Isayama loves children.

Soldiers in SNK are asked to devote their hearts for the sake of humanity. “Humanity” means not just people alive today, but their progeny.

People join the Survey Corps despite the high death rate because even if they die, they feel they’re contributing to a future their children can enjoy.

Erwin’s soldiers know they’ll die when they charge Zeke. Erwin sells them on it with talk of paving a way forward for future soldiers.

Parents who abandon their children are presented as bad or weak people. People like Grisha, Rod Reiss, Reiner’s mother.

Gabi is spared by Mr. Blouse because she’s just a child.

Zeke thinks being born is a curse and wants to sterilize a whole race.

Oh, and there was also that hilarious non-sequitur speech Onyankopon gave about children.

The heroes fight because they’re working to a free future for future generations. For their posterity.

Attack on Titan implores people to fight for our own freedom, but also for the freedom of our descendants.

So Attack on Titan has two major components to its message: violence is necessary, and freedom for yourself and your offspring is worth bloodying your hands for.

But fighting for freedom has its limits.

…aaand because I need to tie this post in to the actual chapter I’m supposed to be reviewing, I’m going to use Floch and Gabi to illustrate this point.

In this chapter an ice cream swirl takes flight, ready to fulfil his dreams. They are mercilessly shot down by a kid with a gun. How did we get here?

Floch and Gabi were two wild fanatics starting out.

Gabi was born into a family that had a warrior in it, and it’s clear she aspired to follow in his footsteps. She and Reiner were close, and she wanted to carry his legacy.

Floch joined the Survey Corps because he heard a call and decided to answer. He idolizes Eren, and sees him as an example to follow. Eren is vicious when he fights, and Floch thinks that makes him a good leader.

Both of them wanted to free their respective peoples. Paradis is stuck on an island and feared by everyone around them. The mainland Eldians are stuck in a ghetto and feared by everyone around them.

Gabi believed the mainland Eldians would prove their worth by destroying Paradis, thus displaying their virtuousness to the world.

But Gabi was also a bit self-serving, too. She also wanted to prove that she herself was a good Eldian. She was showered with praise because of how good a fighter she was; she was driven to become that good to prove her own value.

Gabi was raised to believe her self-worth came from how well she fought for Marley. Sources of self-esteem are external for her. They come from the gratification of others.

Floch’s self-esteem is also external. He derives all of his self-worth from his identity as an Eldian. He pounds his chest about the glory of the Empire because if Eldia is glorious, then he, as an Eldian, will be glorious.

He wants to bask in the warm, glowing light of world domination. Of the knowledge that his race is the most powerful group of people in all the world.

I don’t know if Floch believes that Eldians are superior to other races, but that’s not the point. In his mind, the power of Eldia and his own power are inextricably tied together.

The big difference between the two is that Gabi isn’t an idiot.

Say what you will about her, but Gabi is actually talented. She’s smart, strong, a good shot, a good fighter, and a dutiful soldier.

Floch’s only talent is his absolute shamelessness.

He has no moral compass, so he’s willing to do things that his enemies won’t. He’s also stupidly audacious, so he’ll do crazy stuff most won’t consider.

This allowed him to get the upper hand at first. People didn’t expect him to leak information about Eren’s imprisonment to the public or that they’d work with Eren directly.

But now that our heroes are going against him in basically a fair fight, he’s losing badly. The only strategy Floch’s puny brain can muster is to keep spamming our heroes with redshirts.

Compare Floch’s shamelessness to Gabi.

Gabi…is a good person.

She wants to prove her self-worth like Floch does, but she’s not fucking pathetic about it. All she wants is for herself and her people to be recognized as equal to everyone else.

She does not, in the end, want to revenge kill Marleyans just to feel big and strong.

She only wanted to wipe out Paradis because she was indoctrinated to think that way. Once she realized that Eldians on Paradis weren’t devilish, and that the Marleyan system was crap…she stopped hating Paradis and didn’t hate the Marleyans for it.

Floch, on the other hand, nurses a massive victimhood complex that he uses to justify genocide.

This is where the series draws a line between justified violence and unjustified violence.

Floch does not give a shit about human life. He kills people wantonly, and the lives of his own troops doesn’t seem to be a factor in his strategy this chapter.

Floch, very expressly, fights to oppress others and take away their freedom. His big talking point is about Eldian freedom, but in reality his actions go beyond that into cruelty.

Gabi, even when she was a brainwashed fanatic, was never sadistic and hasn’t done anything egregious that I can remember.

In this chapter, Gabi shot a killed people with her rifle. The Yeagerists…didn’t actually kill anyone this chapter, but they tried.

But Gabi is with the good guys because she’s right on principle and isn’t motivated by sadism, or personal insecurity, or a desire for revenge.

The same is true for all of the Cringevengers.

They’re all fighting to oppose global genocide.

The Yeagerists, including Floch, are fighting because they think global genocide is justified if it saves their country.

That is inherently selfish.

Those are the themes of the series in a nutshell.

This is where things start to get questionable.

First off, I object to how pervasive war and violence are shown to be. War is an institution, meaning it is the product of human behavior. That means human behavior can be changed to make war less violent and less common.

And war has, in fact, become less violent and less common.

Attack on Titan has paid lip service to that fact, (see: Gabi, above) but it remains that we are 95% into the story and there is still zero hope for a peaceful resolution.

There is almost zero chance the Cringevengers stop Eren. Even if they do, the world will be whipped into a fury at the destruction he caused, and not only would Paradis be wiped out, the mainland ghettos would conceivably be overrun by angry mobs and Eldians would be killed in the streets.

By the way, I think this would happen even if Magath had lived. I do not understand why people thought just one person’s word would have mattered at all.

Obviously it’s not a peaceful resolution of Eren destroys the world.

Secondly, while the series makes a point that excessive violence is bad, remember that the series also makes the point that appropriate violence is often bloodier than we’d like.

The issue, as I just said, is that Attack on Titan overestimates how often situations calling for violence come up, so functionally the series seems to lean in favor of violence as a general rule.

The series flat out conflates pacifism with defeatism.

King Fritz is a defeatist. He chooses to let his subjects die rather than work towards undoing the caste system that he ruled over.

Instead of making Marleyans equal to Eldians, he let the Marleyans do as they pleased while hiding out on Paradis.

And if the Marleyans came knocking, he was going to let them kill everyone.

He hoped to create a utopian world in the time that he could. This world was built on brainwashing and dictatorship.

But King Fritz’s ideology isn’t identified as defeatist in the story.

He’s identified as a pacifist.

This is why I always thought it was ridiculous that people said Attack on Titan was anti-war. As if a series that implores people to fight could be anti-war.

This chapter was good on its own. I didn’t even mind the violence since it’s a battle and the never ending bloodshed was conveyed really well.

Then the wider context of this fight came to mind…

[xaeons]

The stars in her eyes part 2:

Elizabeth was getting ready for the day, slowly piecing together her uniform. She got the chest strap locked in place when she heard the knock, her head quickly darted to the door, ‘Mike came to check on me!’ “Come in!” she let out a quick shout. The door slowly opened, Erwin walked in and shut the door behind him. Elizabeth was confused. “I hope I'm not interrupting, Hanji told me you have nerves for today and you haven’t been feeling well. She tried getting you out of this. I just wanted to see how you’re feeling.” “Better than ever.” She lied right through her teeth, “I think I’ll be okay for today.” She lied to herself. “Is this actually about the expedition? Or is this about Mike? You both have been odd lately as far as I can tell.” She knew this was coming, Erwin was an old friend who knew her too well. “You could tell?” “You both were inseparable and now neither of you are talking. I could tell something was up week one.” “May I ask you something personal?” “Erwin, you don’t need to ask that. We’re old friends. You can just ask.” He nodded, “Are you two still together?” Elizabeth quickly diverted her amber eyes away from him. She hadn’t thought of that. Her thoughts pulled her a thousand different ways, she quickly looked back to Erwin, “That i’m not quite sure. We had a big argument and I stormed off. He hasn’t talked to me since. But as it seems, he and nanaba have gotten quite close since the incident. So I don’t even know what’s going on.” “Have you tried speaking to him?” “I tried last night. Nanaba came out of his office and he didn’t want to speak with me. So here I am.” “I see. Well Elizabeth, as old friends you should know that I am here for you. Once this is all said and done let’s get together for tea?” “Erwin are you asking me on a date?” “I would be if I wasn’t the commander or if you weren’t technically dating my friend and one of my right hand men.” “So as old friends then?” “Of course.” “Sounds good to me. When we get back then?” Erwin nodded and smiled slightly, “I don’t want to make this more weird than it already is. But I do regret turning you down in the cadet corps. We see how that other relationship turned out. She and Nile have 3 kids now.” “Erwin, where are you going with this?” “I wish things could have turned out different with us. I wish a lot of things could have turned out differently and I wish I could have realized sooner. But as I had done with you, you’ll do to me. You’re with Mike and I just wanted to tell you before this expedition.” “Thank you for telling me, but you’re right. I don’t know what’s going on with Mike but I don’t think it would work out regardless. You’re commander, I’m a squad leader. People will talk if we do.” “Thank you Elizabeth, for reminding me how silly the thought is.” Erwin turned on his heel and left the room leaving Elizabeth confused.

Her breakfast refused to stay down. She was at the stables getting her horse when it all hit her. Hanji walked over and rubbed her back as Elizabeth let it all out. Levi got her horse ready for her and helped her on it, “Thank you Levi.” “Don’t thank me. I’m helping a friend.” and they all headed for formation, Levi and Hanji right next to Elizabeth as they got into position. She looked pale and felt warm. ‘Stress is not good for the baby, Elizabeth. We’ll get through this and get back.’ She thought to herself. She got to the front with Levi and Hanji, Mike had been staring. 

He saw that she caught him and he looked away quickly pretending he wasn’t ogling her. He noticed the bags under her eyes and the faint smell of vomit coming off of her. He knew something was up and he wished he hadn’t ignored her the night before, He wished he did a lot of things different with her. He thought back to the day it all went down-

“Elizabeth, you’re hiding something from me.” “No I'm not mike-” “Then why are you sneaking around all of the time. You and Hanji have become awfully close lately.” “What are you getting  at?” “Are you cheating on me?” “I would never mike. Why would you accuse me of such awful things?” “You’re sneaking around, you’re acting weird, you won’t look me in the eye and you smell different.” Elizabeth looked him in the eye, “Mike Zacharius, I would never cheat on you.” “But you still won’t tell me what’s going on.” “I can’t Mike. I just… can’t” Mike let out a big sigh, “Then I can’t be around you. You used to tell me everything and now you’re hiding things from me, avoiding me.” “Mike, I promise I’ll explain. There’s so much going on and I don’t know what to do.” He watched Elizabeth start to cry. “I’m sorry.” and with that, left.

-He knew that what he did was wrong but she also avoided him like the plague so the feeling was mutual, right? Now he saw Hanji and Levi doting over his girlfriend, ex girlfriend? He didn’t know at this point. He put things together when he saw Erwin leave her room this morning. ‘They must have gotten together. She couldn’t break things off with me so she made me do it.’ He was slightly upset that his superior/best friend could do something like that to him. He was glad Nanaba told him of these things last night, he couldn’t believe it until he saw it this morning. Erwin Smith and Elizabeth Sallow, together at last. She filled him in on the feelings she used to have for their mutual friend, but that was years ago right? She definitely seemed to move on quickly. This wasn’t something Mike should have had his mind on at this point. ‘We have a mission and I can’t keep thinking about this now.’ The call to action was given and his mind focused on what he needed to do. The Survey Corps began to head outside of the gate and they moved forward. 

Hanji moved away from Elizabeth to head to her position, “Liza! Be careful you got it?!” “Yes hanji,” The woman called back. She turned her horse slightly to move forward with the rest of her squad. As promised to Hanji, She wasn’t on the frontlines with the titans. She was towards the middle of the formation with the med carts. All she had to do was make sure that they didn’t get attacked by the titans, which would be hard to do seeing how they had a barrier around them keeping them safe. The first set of flares went up and they changed course. More went up as they kept going. It was oddly quiet now. 

Thud thud thud

‘What the fuck,’ Elizabeth turned her head towards the noise and suddenly they were swarmed. “Keep the med carts moving forward! Squad take them down as soon as possible. She hopped off of her horse and used her 3dmg to hook onto one of the titans and swung around with her squadmates as they began their attack. One of the squadmates yelled out, “How’d they get this far in?!” “No idea but keep them distracted! The carts are almost out of here!” Elizabeth looked at the situation the best that she could. ‘Damn it!’ They continued to attack as more swarmed in, Abnormals. They tried their best to keep up the defensive but it was all in vain. The screams began from Elizabeth’s left, She turned her head and was immediately grabbed from her right. It all went black.

[sunagitsunee]

Achilles Heel

Hurt / Comfort, Levi Ackerman x Hanji Zoe

POST 115 FIC

ALSO IN AO3

The patterns of the exposed beams of the ceiling were suddenly the most interesting thing in the room.

Levi had been past his major self-loathing stage, one that immediately kicked in after his stupor post the explosion. He’d been through despondency and helplessness after realizing the mishap took out parts of him that were necessary for battle. Denial was there, too, with the fact that he was a diminished version if himself after the accident—that he might not be the strongest one anymore.

What was eating him away was the guilt: survivor’s guilt. Or more so, having to bide his time until he could fully recover just so he could return to the battlefield.

Basically, he had to stay put, bathe in peace, while their allies were dying by the minute. 

To him, it was an indirect murder by his hands, because he failed.

Once more he was unsuccessful in fulfilling his promise to his previous commander, just because he was being uncharacteristically reckless. And to make it worse, his current commander was stuck nursing him back to health instead of watching over the poor kids left to finish what they had started.

It was all fucked up.

No—scratch that. It was beyond fucked up.

Levi had already faced all kinds of defeat ever since his memory had afforded to remember. And he thought losing his mother, his dearest friends, his own squad, and even Erwin, were already the peak of the damnation of his existence. He was clearly mistaken.

Because this time, he had lost a little more than himself, and gained back one thing he had forsaken a long time ago.

Well, he had spent the last decade redeeming himself from the clutches of the underground. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, that was what everyone called him. He walked and talked the reputation. He devoted himself to his host and to the cause of saving humanity that the supposed burden became his second skin, to the point that his emotions got in the way—so he got rid of it.

As they say, they had to become what they wanted to kill. And he, including several other members of the original Survey Corps, became monsters to eradicate other monsters. Living with the armor of ferociousness for so long made him forget what it was like to feel despair. People had died left and right and tears came out reservedly, away from a mere human being’s gaze. No big deal.

Before the accident that rendered him catatonic for days, he had the impression that he would outlive everyone, so he had no problems of thinking about who would die next. Normally, his soul would be crushed and be forced to move on the next second because everyone counted on him to carry on the will of the dead.

However, the brush with good old death had changed things drastically.

He can die, alone and powerless. The truth was cold and unforgiving. It hit him like a brick wall. And he hated it.

Years and years of bravado and confidence had led up to this point. And the biggest problem was, who will carry on his will and those who died before him once he is gone? Who was strong enough to bear all the weight he carried in his back? All the lives which were sacrificed, if he couldn’t let them live on through someone else, would they have been wasted all for naught?

Who would care to remember him if he was to suddenly disappear, and no one else was around?

That was not even the worst.

The most fucked up thing that ever happened in that incident was being in the brink of oblivion, almost fading out, but then meeting the gaze of someone else that was filled with terror and sadness over the fact that he was, in fact, perishing.

It stung so bad, that it made him cower at the thought of biting the dust just like that.

He had never thought about it before, to be honest. But back then during his last breaths, when he had the sliver of chances to look upon the face of the person who was calling him back to reality: he saw that expression. Anguished was not even enough to describe what he witnessed. Fear, confusion, resolve, despair, longing… hundred more waves broke through his savior’s—Hanji's—facade while they held him gently, while he clung to that warmth as if it was his lifeline.

Which was stupid. Because they aren’t normally like that. They’d laugh and shout but not once did they throw those sentiments at him without holding back. They were strong like him. They’d lost people too, but they stood up and fought on.

So why, why did the glimpse of their face in sorrow made his wounds ache a thousand times more than they should?

Pathetic. Levi had convinced himself over these past few days that it should be the last time that he’d let them go through that. He wouldn’t go out like that. He’d never want to see Hanji’s eyes, the most vibrant pair he’d ever met, be clouded again in his dying moments.

He would have to make do of what’s left of him to push through, no matter how lamentable the outlook seemed.

 “Knock, knock.”

As if on cue, his rumination was disrupted with the voice that retrieved him from the underworld. The door revealed Hanji’s resigned frame, and light steps against the wood followed after as they approached his rigid figure in the tub.

Levi slowly turned his head towards them and took note of their sullenness behind the pretentious but affable smile.

“What? Don’t tell me you wanna take a bath with me?”

“Maybe. But I suck at doing it. You blasting me with water is still the best way to do it.”

Scoff. “It’ll be a different experience since I have less fingers to blast you with.”

He watched how they winced for a split second, probably a knee-jerk reaction after being reminded of his current setbacks. Hanji finally let out a sigh after holding their breath for several seconds before setting by the floor, absentmindedly playing with his bath water by dipping an entire arm.

“I talked with our hosts. The Azumabitos are displeased with how we are doing. Understandably so. But they are willing to hide us until you’re fully on your feet. Thanks to them, I’ve sent a coded message to Mikasa for our current status.”

“Yeah. And are they still all alive?”

“Presumably. Eren was dead for some time, but as expected of shifters, they can transfer consciousness and heal.”

“Fuck those shifters.” Good thing the kids were still kicking, but man, fuck Zeke and his existence. He spearheaded all this fuckery. And he’s still out there thanks to him.

“Our forces have withdrawn for the meantime… They have control over our new recruits, and most of our leaders have been transformed to…titans… I’ve instructed Jean to gather our remaining allies and rummage for whatever is salvageable. I'm—”

Hanji paused and bit their lip before punching the edge of the tub with their other hand, so hard that he felt the tremors from the impact. Levi knew them all too well, they were frustrated, more so with themselves rather than anything else.

“Damn… We’ve lost so much. I was never suited to be this. I’m such a fucking mess. Erwin would have pulled a miracle out of our asses by now. You know that. I’m sure you think the same way.”

NO! Obviously! Erwin was gone, right? And Levi chose it to be that way. He still doesn’t regret the choice of letting him rest, keeping him safe from this abhorrent world. Except that seeing Hanji at the end of their wits was every bit of torturous for him, too. But still…

“You said it before, Hanji. Outcomes aren’t determined by a single choice. Don’t take all the blame.”

Another fist hit the keg. “But I am at fault. I failed to draw a good gamble, and I got you injured by a flaw in the weapon that I made. I’m… I’m sorry, Levi. I’m not even sure if that amounts to anything anymore….”

Jeez.

Hanji was at it again. His guilt was already a thing, but theirs were like a second punch in the gut. They needed to be coherent as soon as possible for all their sakes, and Levi was one of the handful who could knock some sense into them.

“That’s the fiftieth goddamn apology you’ve managed to spew, and as far as I know, you aren’t supposed to be a deprecatory ass.” He spoke a little louder, making sure to emphasize every word. “Maybe if you stopped gambling and living in Erwin’s shadow and be precise like you used to be, those words would actually bear something.”

They went silent for a while, with only the drops from the faucet accentuating the stillness. Hanji was crouched away from his sight, probably pondering on their shortcomings, wallowing on the hurt from his statements, or perhaps repeating his harsh preaching like a mantra until they were consequential.

In the first place, they were the only person who could read between the lines no matter what foul words he spat out.

What he meant, anyway: Hanji had always been the better person, and if there was anyone who could get their stride back, it was them. They just had to get out of their slump, and they need to be back to their usual self. That he trusted them, and that he would do anything for them.

His speech seemed fruitful, much to his relief. When they straightened up, there were less shadows on their face, albeit the weeks of sleep deprivation and stress made the frown lines seem permanent.

Hanji tapped the surface of the water, purposefully splashing on his body, and some, hitting his face.

“Asshole,” they said. Levi kicked lightly and the ripples overflowed until they got into their clothes, too. He got a stifled gasp as a response.

“That’s the shitty glasses that I know.”

They chuckled but stopped abruptly to move closer until their faces were the same level. Their chin rested against the tub and their fingers hovered on the new scar that adorned his visage.

Caressing without touching, that is. For some reason it relaxed Levi; it was as if they were accepting his impairments instead of intruding upon him. It was their usual dynamic, one that went off-track when the war had started.

A thorn got dislodged from his heart knowing their thing was finally back.

“I’m sorry, Levi. Just this once, I say not as your commander. I truly am sorry.”

He shifted fully to his side so their good eyes could meet. There was something thick building up in his throat; he could have ignored it but decided against it. If he didn’t say it on the spot, he may never have the chance to do so.

“Thank you. And this is personal. You could’ve left me there. A dead man served no purpose to your goals, but you ended up putting your life on the line as well. You’re that dumb, but you saved me. I owe you. Everything.”

Hanji smiled and let their touch graze his jaw, right where the gash ended.

“I will admit, I was being selfish in that one. I could have let you rest, but I was scared. I… couldn’t let you go in the end.”

His chest drummed at their words and how they rolled off from their tongue.

“Scared, huh.“

He was, as well. Openly. For the first time. And if the situations were reversed, he’d risk his life to save them, too. Maybe the fear of losing them was a big part of his weakness now, but it’s a weakness he’d have to live with moving forward. "Maybe we are humans after all…”

“Yeah, you monster… I… just realized I needed you. Only humans do that kind of thing, I guess…?”

Needed. By the way the russet in their eye glinted, he knew they meant it in every sense of the word, and he too, felt the same way. More than they could both comprehend. More than the bonds of the dying breed that they share.

It was needing in a much, much, intimate level. And it took that recent trip to demise to bring those feelings bursting to the surface.

Levi’s hand met theirs, and he immediately appreciated the familiar warmth in contrast with the cold water. He held it down by his neck and rested against their palm. Hanji lightly squeezed on his skin.

“Hey… Don’t die alone, Levi. Don’t die before me. Get our freedom in my stead if I go. Promise me.”

He could feel their breath grazing in his face, and it nearly wanted him to breach the small distance that kept them apart and catch their lips. But no, this was not the time for it. It was unfair. War had no space for such ties.

He decided he would do it when they’re finally free, only then, since they deserved the whole of him. They’d start a new life together, that was his new resolve.

Instead, Levi smiled and brought his handicapped grip to nestle on their cheek.

“Don’t be stupid. If you go down, I go down. If you live, I live. So do your damned best to survive, and I would keep at it too. That’s what I can promise.”

Hanji turned their head to press their lips longingly to his palm before speaking.

“Of course… that seems fair to me.”

[i-heart-danchou]

Hi ❤️ I have a prompt for you, just in case you feel like writting some EruRi about it ^o^ Maybe you already wrote something about this topic? It's grazing / touching. What I have in mind are those light, accidental touches you share with the person you're starting to fall in love with. Those casual grazes that create sparks, and as time passes, they become less and less involuntary. You're both seeking each other's skin although neither of both would admit it (yet). Did that make sense? :)

(art from http://pixiv.me/hoden)  Sorry this is delayed!

Devotion

It astonishes Levi the way he slips seamlessly into Erwin’s life.  This man he despised, this man he vowed to kill, this man who’s shaken him to his core and made him reevaluate how he sees the entire world– he follows, and follows, and every day he’s enthralled.

Erwin is many things.  He’s brilliant, he’s ruthless, he’s stunning… but little by little, the more time they spend together, Levi is seeing parts of Erwin he suspects few other people do.  He’s gentle, he’s thoughtful, he’s a bit weird and dorky and it’s enchanting.  Levi finds himself staring at him more often than he means to. His eyelashes, for one, are unusually long and pretty.  He also has excellent posture, a trait which Levi had never really thought about before.  

He lounges on the couch in Erwin’s office late one evening, watching him write, watching his eyebrows furrow in deep consideration.  He’s gorgeous, and Levi wonders if he knows it. 

He tears his eyes away and starts preparing some tea, thinking Erwin must be getting tired, getting chilly.  He wonders if Erwin glances up as he moves, if Erwin stares at him the way he stares at Erwin. Levi’s caught him looking a few times, and their eyes meet and neither of them break contact.  Erwin is strong, he’s unapologetic.  Levi admires that about him.    

The sound of a spoon gently chiming against porcelain has always calmed Levi, and he shuts his eyes as he stirs a little twist of lemon into Erwin’s tea.  It smells beautiful, the aroma warm and soothing, and he presents the cup to the squad leader without explanation.

Erwin smiles, perhaps a little surprised, and as he takes the tea their hands brush together just slightly, just slightly.  Levi’s heart races, and his eyes widen for a moment as Erwin subconsciously licks his lips. 

“Thank you, Levi,” he says, “this is just what I needed.”  

**

Levi finds Erwin to be an oddly tactile man for someone so outwardly cold.  He’s taken to letting Levi sleep in his office for privacy, and each night as he passes by he squeezes Levi’s shoulder and offers him a smile.

“Sweet dreams, Levi.  I’ll see you in the morning.” 

His hands are warm and rough, there’s a strength in his grip which gives Levi goosebumps.  Each night Levi imagines grasping that hand and kissing those fingertips.  He wonders how those hands would feel on his waist, how that tongue would feel in his mouth, just what exactly the squad leader is packing away in those trousers.

He’s always awake before Erwin comes into the office, and usually he finds himself cleaning up the place a bit.  Erwin smiles when he sees him in cleaning mode, says nothing, and they work together in comfortable silence. 

**

After a while, Levi starts to wonder if Erwin’s doing this on purpose.  They graze against each other in the hallway sometimes, and Levi ignores the way his heart jumps into his throat.  It’s more than that though, whenever they’re seated together Erwin will brush his hand as he reaches over to take a pen, will put a hand on the small of his back when he’s coming up behind him, will let their shoulders touch when they share a carriage ride together.

He’s warm, and he’s solid, and he’s so damn beautiful that it sometimes makes Levi angry. But he loves the way Erwin feels, he loves to watch him, he loves to be close with him. 

They have a meeting in Sina and Erwin’s been preparing for it for weeks.  Shadis is letting him spearhead a fundraising initiative, and Levi’s done his best to support Erwin through the thankless slog.  More than once he’s found Erwin asleep at his desk, and more than once Levi has put a blanket over his shoulders, tucked him in, and watched the way his hair billows out when breathes. 

At the meeting Erwin is charismatic, he’s prepared, but it doesn’t matter because the Survey Corps are a joke to these people.

They scoff at his suggestions, ask him why he’s wasting his time begging for money so that more people can needlessly feed themselves to titans.  Erwin never falters, and his dedication and devotion make Levi’s heart sing. They walk away with nothing, and Levi’s blood is boiling.“They’re idiots.”  He hisses.  “They don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about, trapped in these fucking walls like fucking sheep.  They don’t know how hard you work, they don’t know how much you risk, they don’t know you.  They’re fools, they’re fools, and one day when you save humanity from the fucking titans they’ll bow down and kiss your goddamned boots.”

Erwin smiles, and puts his hand on Levi’s shoulder.  “Levi… thank you.” 

Levi stops walking, their eyes meet, and he puts his hand on top of Erwin’s.  There’s a moment of silence and Levi’s mouth is dry.  “We should go.”  He says, and he shakes himself free of the contact. 

The carriage ride back to Maria is long and boring, and Erwin tries his best to stay awake.  He’s pulled a few all nighters up til now, he’s worked so damn hard, that Levi doesn’t blame him when he finally falls asleep.  His head rests against Levi, his weight warm and steady on Levi’s frame.  He leans against Erwin and shuts his eyes, loving everything about this moment.  He feels calm, he feels safe, he feels loved… the heat from Erwin’s body is palpable through his clothes, he smells clean and fresh, he’s perfect. 

‘I’ll always stand with this man.’  Levi thinks to himself.  ‘I’ll always support and protect him.’ 

The carriage rolls on steadily, and sleep somehow finds him.  

[remiheichou]

Warnings: blood and gore, swearing, angst

Pairing: Levi x reader

Part Two

Sorry if Levi seems a bit ooc in this??

Wires hissed as they retreated back into the safety of the 3DMG, only to shoot back out and dig into the incoming trees. Gas soon sprayed out into the air and moved the person using the machinery forward, only for them to land on a tree branch.

Brown boots hissing from Titan steam kept a sturdy hold on the large branch, dark grey eyes looking at the gruesome scene in front of him. Human blood stained the earth, dripping off the blades of grass.

Eyes grew dark, widening only slightly at the sight of his fallen squad.

Eld.. his dead body reminded Levi of Farlan the day he died.. his torso was smushed, entrails hanging out of his body, while his hips and legs were no longer attached, laying a few feet away.

The sight made his stomach churn, though seeing Oluo’s mangled body in the grass didn’t help. The only part of him that wasn’t mangled beyond recognition was his shoulders and up, his bloody face and dead eyes face down in the dirt. Back and legs crushed, the faint white glow of bloody bones peaked through the skin, and the red stains on the grass.

Although Levi was raised in the Underground, killing and beating people to survive.. seeing people get eaten and killed by the titans, he almost seemed... numb to it all. Like he expected it. He should, anymore, though it didn’t stop him from wanting to look away and try to hold down what was in his stomach.

He just didn’t show it on the outside.

When he looked away, he felt chills go down his spine. Blood sprayed up the side of a tree, Petra’s bent and crushed body was up against the tree, blood smeared on her face, dead sullen eyes starring at the grey sky. His eyes bore holes into her corpse, mouth slightly shape while his mind tried to process what he was looking at.

He knew something had happened when he flew by Gunther’s hanging body earlier, but he didn’t expect to see all of.. this.

Where was Eren?

Where were you..?

Oh god, how could he forget about you?

Your body was nowhere to be seen.

You weren’t eaten, were you? You were too strong to be killed by some Titan. But so was his squad, and they didn’t make it-

Hearing rustling down below made his eyes dart to the source, a dark shadow moving behind one of the trees. It was too small to be a Titan, but not too big that it couldn’t of been a human.

Anchors shot out and landed in a tree near him, pulling him around the outside edge of the open area. He didn’t want to be seen, just in case. When he landed he made sure no titans were around, before looking down at the mass on the ground.

It was obviously a human, and a wounded one at that.

———

Blood was all around you.

On your jacket, your shirt, pants, watching in horror at the sight of Petra being crushed, along with Oluo. They didn’t let Eren fight, though you were one of the best, one of your wires were sheered off when Gunther was..

You tried so hard not to think about his limp and cold body, hanging from his wires, blood dripping from his nape and falling to the ground below.

Your broken wire didn’t stop you from trying to fight, pulling out both your damaged blades, the last ones you had in your scabbard.

“(Y/N)!!” You ignored Eren’s pained scream as he watched you go, about to fly after you. But it all happened so fast.

Trying to use your momentum and one wire, the anchor burried into her upper thigh and pulled you up into the air. Pulling out and latching into her arm, you swung yourself up and almost above her head. You didn’t want to die not doing anything or not protecting Eren. Rage fuled you and shown through your bright (E/C) eyes, raising your blades above your head and launched the hook into her neck.

With a scream, wires and gas hissed, pulling you forward, feet from her vulnerable nape..

Then, you began to fall.

Your hook came loose when she turned sharply, lashing her arm out at you.

Using a quick burst of gas, you tried to move away, her fingers almost grabbing your legs. Moving your hair from your face, your eyes landed on her face, meer meters from your form, a loud boom echoing through the forest, a inhuman like scream soon following.

A foot connected with the torso of the Female Titan, sending her into a tree.

You were too caught up with watching Eren scream and go to punch the other shifter, you did not have any time to brace yourself against the hard ground. Wind was knocked out of your lungs, and you swore you heard something crack.

With your adrenaline coursing through you so fast, watching Eren’s head get blown off and his human body sticking out of the nape, her teeth chomped down on his body and ripped him out.

You didn’t notice the white hot pain flowing through your body until the adrenaline wore off.

You couldn’t breathe well. Every time you inhaled, a stabbing pain went through your chest and stomach.

How did you get against a tree? Your vision was blurring, mind fuzzy, almost not noticing the brown boots in front of you, or the body of a soldier flying above. You recognized that black hair and those dark eyes, forcing a smirk onto your bloody lips.

“Guess I’ve seen b-better days, eh, Captain?”

Blood spurted out of your mouth and down your chin, making Levi cringe visibly and kneel down in front of you. “Tch.. you’re such a fucking idiot.”

“Y-Yeah, well.. I’m your idiot, aren’t I?”

More blood bubbled out of your mouth, dripping down your neck and chest. The sight made something in Levi’s chest hurt.

You two weren’t really a.. thing, but you two were quite close. You remembered the day him, Isabel and Farlan were forced to join the corps. You and Hanji were the ones who trained them.

You’d think you would’ve been a higher rank by now, but you’ve declined every offer for promotion. You didn’t want to be a squad leader, captain or section commander, and send people to their deaths.

Once Petra came around, you and Levi grew distant. You wouldn’t talk as much, as the ginger seemed to cling to his arm and glare at you whenever you would talk.

You didn’t hate Petra, but you did not like her either.

Due to this, you would hang out more with Eren, Reiner, Jean, Mikasa, and the other new cadets to the survey corps. You weren’t oblivious to the jealous and angry looks you would get from Levi when you would laugh at one of Reiner’s jokes. But if he wasn’t going to try and talk to you, then why bother with him?

“Shut up. You’re hurt. Mikasa went after the Female Titan, and you-“

“Go.”

“... what?”

“I said go!”

More blood.

“Go after Eren and Mikasa. I’m dying, Levi. I.. won’t be a bother to you anymore.” You forced a smile and looked up at him, tears stinging the corners of your eyes.

“Bother- What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Oh please, don’t give me that shit. Once Petra came along, you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“That is a load of bullshit, (Y/N)-“

“Just go! I only have o-one wire working, but I can try and get back to the carriages.”

You wanted to keep fighting. Fight for Levi, fight for Eren, your family, your friends, you couldn’t leave him.. but the mission was more important than your measly life.

You attempted to stand and lean against the tree behind you, only to have Levi grab both of your arms and lift you like a sack of potatoes.

“You aren’t going anywhere. So shut the hell up. We don’t have time for this drama. There are more important things.”

The tears finally slid down your face, eyes shut tightly. “I-I could’ve done something.. I could’ve saved them if my other wire wasn’t fried-“

“(Y/N).” His voice was cold and stern, almost pinning you to the tree from how hard he was holding you up.

“Even if you did fight, you would of ended up being a blood stain on the fucking ground! You are alive and breathing-“

“Not very fucking well if you ask me.”

“Will you shut the fuck up?”

Though you had a broken smile on your lips, your teeth were stained red from your own blood. Looking back at him, your heart almost shattered.

Levi, humanity’s strongest, the hardass captain what could throw Reiner over his shoulder, kill someone just by looking at them, was trying not to cry.

His dark but pretty grey eyes were dull and glossy from the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.

It broke your heart to see him like this.

“Why don’t you think before you throw yourself into danger?! If you die, how do you think people would feel? Your parents, Titan shit, Arlert, Braus, Kirstein?” He paused for a moment, his teeth clenched together tightly.

“How do you think I would feel?”

Trying to ignore the burning pain in your torso, your eyes bore into his, though he refused to look at you now. Your own eyes were filling with more and more tears, arms becoming weak.

Why was it getting darker?

“I lost so many people over the years.. I can’t lose you too..” His voice was quiet, eyes shut tightly, only to snap open when he heard your meek voice.

“Levi.. I’m.. so tired..”

His voice was caught in his throat, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard.

“No.. no, try and keep your eyes open, stay awake, stay with me.”

The only way to get you out of here was to carry you, but he had to go after Eren’s number one fan and save the little shit. Mikasa can get reckless on the battlefield, as she almost got mashed by Eren. Twice, during Trost.

“Levi? Where did you go..?”

“I-I’m right here-“ his voice broke slightly.

“Why can’t I.. hear anything..”

“(Y/N), please-!”

“It’s.. so dark..”

Tears were falling freely from his eyes, almost glad you couldn’t see how broken he was. Everything came crashing down on him. The death of his squad, all the casualties, and seeing someone he grew so fond of, so close to, in such pain and so close to death.

His shoulders shook from holding back hiccups and sniffles. Forcing a chuckle, he shook his head while looking down at your still form.

“I’m so pathetic, aren’t I? Crying over someone like you..”

————

It was like someone lit a fire inside your chest. Eyelids fluttering open, light filled your eyes and nearly blinded you. Stone walls with torches and lanterns hanging off of hooks, a white privacy curtain surrounding your bed.

Next to it was a chair, empty.

Your chest and stomach were covered in bloody bandages, some here and there on your wounded arms.

Sitting up wasn’t an option, because as you tried to get up, you instantly fell back onto the mattress, making the frame creak slightly.

The pain was unbearable to say the least. What on earth happened to make you hurt so much?

Suddenly the curtain swung open, followed by a loud yell.

“She’s awake!”

“Keep your voice down you stupid fuck.”

[gwoongi]

ways to say i love you (04)

jeon jeongguk / reader genre: attack on titan au, angst rating: mature words: 3118 warnings: character death, gore, graphic descriptions a/n: levi is a nice guy and he’d totally bring u a cup of tea if he knew u were going thru it. example a: this fic. enjoy!! ((and sorry this is so late!))

imagine them choked out as hands race over skin, checking for injuries and begging for reassurance.

Captain Levi told every recruit when they first joined the Survey Corps that one of the most important things to remember whilst being a cadet was not to pay attention, or remember to tighten your harnesses before leaving for breakfast, but instead, he preached that under absolutely zero circumstances should you ever, if you can try, ever fall in love within the ranks.

It hadn’t seemed obvious to the cadets at the time, because wasn’t love good? Wasn’t love what fuelled the motivation to return? Surely, Captain Levi, this was good. But, the Captain stared back at the crowd of novice cadets and frowned, a pinched irritation between his eyebrows.

“Imagine going into battle and becoming distracted because all you can care about is the safety of that person,” Captain Levi had said, gently resting his hands on his knees, speaking as though telling from experience. Perhaps he was. “Imagine putting all your love and time into this one person, and then having that person ripped from your hands.”

Nobody had said anything, and only sat there with dawning realisation as Captain Levi stood from his chair and tucked it under the table quietly. “None of you deserve that pain. Do as I say, and you’ll thank me when it’s all over.”

Jeongguk had been there listening that day, sitting on a chair next to Kim Taehyung who had found himself a favourite of Squad Leader Hange. He had shifted uncomfortably under the judgemental gaze of the shorter captain, but as he walked away with his head tucked down and his chin on his torso, Jeongguk suddenly felt a new wave of respect for his Captain. Watching as Captain Levi retreated out of the hall without another word, silently dismissing everybody present, Jeongguk sucked in a breath when beside him, you nudged his elbow with a small smile.

“Good words of advice for a hopeless romantic like yourself,” you had said, wiggling your eyebrows at your best friend. Jeongguk swallowed the lump of guilt and confusion down and struggled to smile back. Somewhere, he hoped the feeling in his stomach was sickness and nothing else.

Jeongguk was not on your squad; despite joining the scouts as a siamese set of lost and mountainous kids from the outer walls, Captain Levi had made the decision to split you, with Jeongguk joining Captain Levi’s squad and Squad Leader Mike taking yourself. As the gates lifted at a chillingly slow speed, Jeongguk chanced a glance in your direction, and his heart paused when you looked right back at him.

Quietly he chuckled, the sight of a toothy smile hitting him in the face and then shyly retreating to look back towards the back of Mike’s head. Jeongguk watched for a moment longer and then suddenly looked away, meeting the quick glance from Captain Levi. His Captain said nothing, because he didn’t need to say anything. Jeongguk looked down quickly with a spreading feeling of shame at being caught, and frustration at being the first known Cadet to break Captain Levi’s golden rule.

Shiganshina District stood in spires of thick smoke, the distant growls of hungry and wandering titans filling the city as the squad rolled in, immediately falling into their formations. Nobody had ventured into this district since it had fallen, evident by the piles of chalky rubble and bodies and limbs littered like petals from a wedding, stained blood pools and flattened bodies underneath fallen boulders the size of small houses. Jeongguk clenched the reigns of his horse tighter, the skin of his hands turning bone white- the city felt eerily silent towards the west side that Jeongguk and the rest of his squad had moved towards. As always, and characteristic of his Captain, Levi was wordless, looking at the damage quickly, missing nothing. Jeongguk did the same, cowering as they passed the shadows cast by the passing buildings, jagged and reflecting like monsters teeth before the sun.

“Grumbling, east, Captain,” Petra said, her hair framing her collarbones as she looked in that direction and then back at Levi, who nodded with a grunt and continued forward. “We should investigate that. It’s getting closer, Captain.”

“The surrounding squads will do their jobs,” Gunter replied with a frown. “You should lower your voice.”

Petra’s eyebrows furrowed. “But-”

Her words were cut short, following the thunderous stuttering of heavy footsteps both beyond and behind the small formation of horses. Jeongguk’s stallion whinnied, standing up on two legs in protest and he quickly calmed him down, whispering hushed assurances as Levi looked behind them and towards two titans bounding towards them.

“Take those,” he said, already tightening his harness and adjusting his belt. Petra clung onto the reigns of her horse and called out his name with horror as he stood up off his horse and projected towards the group of titans beyond the formation. A passing glance spread through the group as two other members followed their Captain, leaving Petra, Jeongguk and Oruro to steer backwards, heading on horseback towards the two scurrying towards them, in an attempt to create a diversion.

“Left, Guk!” Petra screamed over the noise of the wind and the hooves of the horses, pointing out as if it weren’t already obvious by her command. Jeongguk paused and did as she said, making a movement left which alerted his horse to move in that direction, catching the attention of one of the titans. If he could just make it towards the end of this street, he’d be able to launch off and swing back around and-

As he planned his escape in his head, Jeongguk had no time to retaliate at the sight of another titan jumping in front of his horse, startling them both. He attempted to grip for dear life on the reigns but when his horse again rose, he flung Jeongguk up off his back and scampered between the legs of the titan, who crouched and ignored the mare to move towards Jeongguk. He hissed out a string of curses and launched between the space of his legs, following his horse down the end of the street and turning up and out, landing on one of the sloped roofs of a nearby house, out of the titans scrawny reach.

From his stance on the roof, Jeongguk could get a scope for the district; he paused to take it all in, the chaotic and destructive beauty of the fallen architecture and contrasting greens of nearby fields, spreading with dull flames and dry yellow grass dusted with brown and black. Jeongguk rubbed at his thighs, feeling an ache and when he happened to look over in the direction of the nearby fields, he froze.

The characteristic sight of Commander Erwin’s blonde hair screamed out amongst the burnt landscape and immediately Jeongguk’s body went cold, his eyes instinctively scanning the environment to look for you- for your hair, and your small frame, and the way your cape was too big due to sizes and stock being scarce. Your enrolment had been larger than usual, most likely due to the influence and impression of Eren, a year above yourself. He searched frantically, not even noticing his heartbeat increasing. Almost comically so, a large sigh escaped his lips when he spotted a retreating figure on foot, hair cut bluntly to their chin, the cape that had been pulled apart. Wait, on foot?

Jeongguk launched himself down from the roof and towards the scene, passing the rest of his squad who had joined further down the street. He prayed that Captain Levi hadn’t noticed him whiz past, but knowing Levi, he knew. In-fact, he watched with an almost pitiful look as Jeongguk soared past, failing to mention it to the rest of his squad who worried about Jeongguk’s safety. Because Jeongguk’s smart, Eld had said with a disbelieving smile, he knows how to get around, he’s fine.

Down on the ground, Jeongguk rushed past a pile of abandoned rubble and towards the meadow, however, he stopped dead in his tracks when the figure he had spotted rushed past him wearing a face entirely different to your own. His heart plummeted to the pit of his stomach, a sour taste in his mouth.

“Jeon?!”

Jeongguk turned suddenly, flinching when a senior cadet took down a titan near the river. Kim Taehyung ran towards him with a worried expression. “Where the hell’s the rest of your Squad? Is the captain okay?”

“I-I don’t know, a titan came and fuckin- look, have you seen Y/N?” Jeongguk replied, straining his voice over the volume of the chaos. “Is she okay?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know? I’m not on her squad!” Taehyung yelled, and before he left, he smacked Jeongguk on his shoulder and pointed in a vague direction: “Saw Erwin’s head of fucking precious yellow hair go that way. She could be down there? I don’t know, look, I ain’t got time for this, sorry!”

So suddenly, Jeongguk didn’t even care, or care to bid Taehyung a mutual farewell. Instead, he hurried across the dried and barren grass in the direction Taehyung had gestured to, parting the smoke with his bare hands like curtains as he ran. As he ran, and occasionally joined other cadets and soldiers take down loitering titans, Jeongguk couldn’t rid of Levi’s voice, taunting and judging and hissing and yelling, Jeon Jeongguk you’re a fucking failure, you couldn’t even follow the easiest instruction, and now look at you!

But he didn’t care. He couldn’t find it in him to care, as he ran towards where he noticed the body of Jung Hoseok, another member of Erwin’s squad. Jeongguk’s pace quickened, bounding towards him, and as his mouth opened to call out his name, Jeongguk stumbled back with a strangled cry when nearby rubble from a building came crashing down with the impact of an abnormal lunging at its structure, chunks of huge concrete and brick running down like a waterfall and suffocating Hoseok instantly, a halo of crimson running out from the underside of giant chunks of the nearby chapel.

All at once, Jeongguk felt like he couldn’t breathe, like his lungs had taken in too much smoke for them to continue keeping him alive. As he began to fall back to the man made jungle of the district, to collect a horse who stood tied to a post, raging to leave in panic, Jeongguk looked across the landscape one last time, about to give up. It was then when he noticed you- and it was you, there was no denying; you dragged a body from underneath a layer of stone towards a little shelter made behind a wagon, with two injured cowered underneath. Jeongguk’s heart wanted to jump out of his chest and he set off on a run, although lengths away. He tried calling out, Y/N! My Y/N!, but his voice carried with the wind, lost in whispers. You couldn’t hear him. You couldn’t see him. Actually, you couldn’t hear or see anything.

Jeongguk had never run so fast in his entire life. Still too far away, Jeongguk couldn’t avoid looking at the landscape, observing collapses and wincing at roars of pain and victory, and exasperated deaths around him. When his bloodshot gaze fell back onto you, Jeongguk’s eyebrows rose with horror when he noticed a titan creeping up behind you, an arm extending outwards with arthritic fingers curling near your cape. His voice rose in octaves in panic, and he was so close- so, so close-

Jeongguk nearly fell over his own feet with devastation when the titan’s fingers curled around you, yanking you back like a ragdoll. He didn’t stop to marvel at the scene- he ran faster, launching a grappler into the shoulder of the titan and swinging up, choking in the wind and the smoke and the stale smell of blood and sweat and tears, and as he curved and dug his blade unapologetically into the nape of the titan, his face wrangled up in pain at the sound of your screams filling the air. For a moment he caught his balance on the shoulder, doing nothing but watching with horror at the way you fell to the floor in what looked like slow-motion, a chunk of your body missing.

“Y/N! Oh my God, oh my fucking God, Y/N-” Jeongguk instantly moved to the ground next to you, his hands desperately scrambling at nothing- your left-side missing, blood pouring out like water between fingers. In haste, Jeongguk flung off his cloak and wrapped it around you, choking back on his tears. “Oh my God, oh my fucking God, Y/N, I’m so sorry-”

“No-” Your voice broke off with a wince of pain, and you clung onto his hand tightly. “Guk-”

“Oh my God, no, please, come on, baby, you can do it, come on, let me help, come-” His voice trailed off as he hoisted you up by your armpits, dragging you with laboured breaths towards the wagon that had been splintered by the titan’s fall. Jeongguk carefully laid you down, his eyes wide with panic. God knows how long you had left, your last few seconds hanging on by a breaking thread. He watched as your face paled and your soul struggling behind lips, fighting to be free. Jeongguk let out a whine, his head falling to your intertwined hands: “Fuck, this is so fucking unfair. Why did it have to be you-?”

“Guk, please,” you forced your voice to speak. Perhaps he was imagining you tugging on his hands bringing him down, but he did so anyway, his forehead rested just above your breasts. “Guk. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

He shook his head. “No. No, come on, Levi can help you- he knows what to do, he always knows what to do, we can save you, you’re not dying today-”

“I am. I am.”

“No.”

“Please, Guk,” you wept. Was the sky getting lighter or was that your vision. “Jeongguk.”

“No!” He exclaimed with fury. “You can’t leave me- you’re the only thing I have left!” After a loud and particularly painful sob left his mouth, Jeongguk moved with his thighs and picked up your head, resting it in his lap with his hands threaded in your hair. “You’re all I have left,” he whispered. “Please. You’re okay, you’re okay. It’s okay, yeah? It’s okay. It’s gonna be over soon, we’ll get you fixed up.”

He had no idea what he was saying. Nothing was okay. Nothing was ever going to be okay.

“I love you,” you croaked, bringing one bloody hand to his cheek and letting it fall back down, leaving a mark of agony across his face, “More than anything in the world.”

Jeongguk could feel the tears spilling down his face, his breaths becoming more uncontrollable as reality came down from the sky and sat on his shoulders, petting his hair. He cursed with his eyes closed and looked down at your missing left side, the blood that had soaked almost black with intensity, the grass painted with ruby. In his head, he dreamt ten thousand dreams; ones that included a recovery, one with a sunny future and front porch and cornfields and a baby, a little baby screaming Mommy and Daddy and a picture frame with the three of you, a snapshot from a wedding, oh a beautiful future he had with you-

When Jeongguk opened his eyes to look back down at you, the three words on his lips, his lips trembled with denial. Your face had paused, your eyes half-lidded and staring up at the sky with a vacant and ghostly expression, and then, Jeongguk’s heart sank, falling with a crash that shattered it into thousands of pieces.

With hands in your hair, on your face, running your body, begging for reassurance and screaming for a sign, Jeongguk cradled your limp frame in his arms, his sobbing face buried into the crook of your neck. Your body pressed against his rumbling crying, silenced by the Shiganshina District and the ghosts surrounding him, crouching to your body to pull at your hair and bring you up from the floor to a hug, walking you away across the barrens towards a golden light. Jeongguk watched nothing happen, cursing out the sky.

He hadn’t even said goodbye.

“Did you say everything you wanted to?”

Jeongguk sat with his legs swung over the side of the roof, not bothering to move when he heard Captain Levi’s voice call out from behind him, followed by the window being propped open and his smaller body moving to join him on the ledge.

“How’d you find up here? I thought we closed off that corridor,” Levi said quietly, looking at Jeongguk who stared ahead, wordless. Levi sighed. “Did you?”

Jeongguk finally blinked back a tear. “No.”

A beat of silence passed.

“What would you have said?” Levi asked, not pushing but inquisitive. If there was anybody in the castle who could keep a secret, it would be him, and Jeongguk knew that, carefully picking up his chin to look at the sinking pink sun.

“I-I would have told her what I wanted to,” Jeongguk started. “I would have told her that I loved her. That I wanted it to be me and not her. I wanted to tell her that she was the best thing in my life. That she was my best friend. That it really was me who ate the last of the cake at dinner last weekend and I lied and blamed Hoseok instead. I just- I would have let her know that I cared. That I’d miss her.”

Levi averted his gaze, looking down at the forests surrounding the castle. Such a lovely venue for such a dull affair, he thought, and in his head, he thought of that day, filled with rain and blood and complete and utter agony.

Levi licked his lips, swallowing his own lump. “They’re never really gone,” he said finally. “Not really. They’re still with you, one way or another.” He hesitated before pressing a palm into Jeongguk’s shoulder with a tucked in frown. “I think she heard you. I think she knows all of that.”

Jeongguk hoped so. He hoped that Levi’s words- words that could have been scolding I told you so’s and judgemental comments about how Love Finds A Way To Break Your Heart- were true, and he hoped that somewhere, somehow, you knew what your loss meant to him.

Jeongguk hoped under the sun, the palm on his shoulder, the pinks on his skin, and the bloody handprint on his cheek like a badge of disgraced honour.

[ererichi]

I see you're drawing Ereri and I thought... do you have some recs on fics or something that got you into Ereri? (or further deepened your passion) because I lost all of it like 2 years ago since I read all doujins there were and it's kind of... Where has that tingling feeling gone to...? That reminds me, I never read any fics of them. Or talked with others abt them. Wow, don't know if to call that love shallow or just unconditioned lol

I’m going to be really honest with you, I barely read any ereri fics neither did anything really stick with me. It’s been years since I last read something that I actually liked so I’m kind of in the same struggle as you are. I think what really got me into ereri is either the fanart or theories about the characters. 

(Ahem, and the fanservice from the actual anime like the official artwork and the chimi chara stuff lmao.)

I’ll list a couple of fics I somewhat still remember though. Mind you though, it’s been years since I last read them so I have no idea if the pairing is correct in the way you want to and uh, yeah… you’ve been warned!

It’s Funny Because Eren Can’t Read

In the Survey Corps, reading and comprehending paperwork is equally as crucial as it is beyond the realm of Eren’s capabilities. However, with his CO’s confidential tutelage, Eren is sure he’ll be able to catch up with his comrades in no time… if he can shake this unexpected suspicion that his fondness for humanity’s strongest soldier isn’t simple hero worship.

Hint: He cannot.

Log On (Unfinished)

Eren is a dedicated gamer, and he prides himself on his ascent from Bronze League Hero to a competitive player. What will he do, however, when a chance encounter with one of the world’s top gamers flips his life entirely? How is he supposed to balance a busy college life with his newfound gaming highlife? Unfortunately for him, there are no walkthroughs on what to do when you fall for someone thousands of miles away from you.

The 6th Ward (I actually really, really love this one)

A comedy about being dead.

Levi is finally returning to work as a nurse after recovering from a car crash that nearly killed him. Nothing says “welcome back” like realizing he’s lost his marbles and can see the disembodied spirits of the comatose patients in the 6th ward. He begrudgingly helps them learn how to be dead. Eren, the newest coma patient in the 6th ward, has six months to learn how to be dead. Good luck, kid.

More under the cut!

Junkyard Dogs

Autocracy — a system where one leader has absolute power — is the only government that exists in prison. Levi is the current ‘Top Dog,’ and for years, no one has had the mind to challenge his position — at least, no one until now. Enter: Eren Jaeger, a new inmate with indefinite mentalities and obscure motives. With the power to shake Levi’s throne, Eren becomes the one exception of everything.

3 AM

The story is about Levi: A neurotic man who suffers from depression, is successful at writing but unsuccessful at everything else. Setting: Breakfast (never in the morning) at his favorite diner, a record store that hasn’t dusted its ceiling fan since the 1970’s, a hole in the wall cafe to drink black tea and judge the terrible tongue tied poets on the shoddy ill-lit stage, a park with swings that are always annoyingly wet, and his immaculate apartment in the city. Levi is riddled with quirky traditions and struggles with anxiety, still battling childhood memories he can never completely forget. Then enter Eren Jaeger, the too loud and too passionate guitar player that takes the stage one night that just won’t stop staring at Levi. Eren is full of hope and promise and everything Levi needs, but Levi can’t have what’s good for him. Right?

What’s Eating You?

As far as accepting one’s death goes, Eren Jaeger thinks he’s doing pretty well. Except for the fact that he should have turned days ago. Why was his bite healing, when he had witnessed several others’ turn them into the soulless monsters now consuming the streets? It doesn’t help that he has been separated from everyone he could call a friend, only to be found by a mysterious group of survivors. Including one who has a personality not far off from the creatures he is trying so hard to avoid.

Great.

Art of War

Noisy neighbors, nursling dinosaurs, satanic box cutters, shitty convenience store management, the word ‘fuck’, hereditary (but not really) homosexuality, beer and ramen, pennies, truckstops, strippers, closets, semi-public defacing, rings, house parties, “recreational” drug use, accidental rendezvous, toxic stew (don’t eat the stew), nice abs, housewives–batteries not included, over-educational movie sessions, copious domesticity, kittens named after landlords, a shit joke at participating locations, and many, many happy endings.

A modern AU in which Eren moves into the apartment directly above Levi’s.

Little Titan Café.

Just another cliche AU in which Eren works as a barista in his mother’s café, specializing in latte art. And then there’s Levi, who’s not exactly your typical patron, because, well, he’s blunt and rude (which Eren supposes isn’t that much different from regular customers) but mostly he just confuses Eren’s poor little homosexual heart.

Sword Art Online (Yes, it’s a crossover)

When something seems too good to be true, that’s because it usually is. Within three hours of the game’s start, the creator of the entire endorsement, Akihiko Kayaba, summoned all ten thousand players into the town square of the first floor. Some people were already complaining about the lack of the ‘log out’ feature. I thought it was just some sort of bug, I didn’t think anything of it when I noticed it myself.

Help Me Stand

Eren’s best childhood friend and high school boyfriend, Armin, dies in a car accident in which Eren had been the one at the wheel. Unable to keep from blaming himself, life itself becomes agonizing for Eren and he turns to the more negative side of coping mechanisms. Eventually, he meets a college student named Levi who seems like he has it all figured out, just to discover that they have more in common than he thought. Modern!AU.

You have been connected (Also unfinished)

The one where Levi’s a business man, Eren’s a college student and they meet on Omegle. Twice. It kind of seems like fate after that.

[starsscribble]

Where Loyalty Lies

Those Survey Corps are a loyal lot

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Character: Levi Ackerman

It was an open secret that you had been a former Survey Corp member; still had the cloak. The reason you transferred to the Military Police was for your mother. She was ill, with the death of your father after wall Maria fell you were the only one left to care for her. Honestly leaving the corps and your friends was a difficult choice, Levi didn't make it any easier as you said your goodbyes. He stood in a corner in the dining room of the Scouts base. His arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the stone wall. His eyes watching as you moved from person to person giving each a hug and saying your farewells. When it got Hange’s turn the brunette pulled you into was seemed like a bone-crushing hug. Levi easily heard the titan crazed woman say how much she would miss you. Soon the others filtered out of the room leaving only the two of you. You stood towards the middle of the room now, your feet moving you towards the raven haired man. The two of you hadn’t really talked since you told him the news.

“Why the fucking MPs?” Levi asked making you stop halfway. “They protect those damn pigs. Why become one of them?” You sighed, the two things that Levi hated were the Military Police and the nobles.

“My mother's medicine is not cheap. The MP get paid more than the Garrison.” You heard Levi’s tch as he looked away from you and towards the lit candle beside him. You started to walk towards him again until you were in front of him.

“This was a hard choice to make but,” Levi looked away from the candle and towards you. He understands you were doing this to help your mother. Still, it didn't ease the pain his pain as you kissed his cheek and told him to be safe out beyond the wall.

When you heard about the Military Police rounding up Survey Corp member  You knew it was a matter of time before they came for you. If you learned anything from your time with them it's when they go after someone they didn't leave loose ends. Quickly heading towards storage you got your ODM gear, hiding it under a cloak you exited the back way from the headquarters. You knew for a fact that Hange and Levi hadn't been taken into custody. Your fellow soldiers would have been bragging about bringing in Humanity's Strongest. As for Hange, she was loud and you would have heard her from the cells. Your hunch seems to pay off when you found Hange and Moblit helping a merchant’s son run from the MPs. Hange trusted that you were on their side as they help the son and cleared the Scouts name. You followed the two back to Levi’s squad. Even with everything going on the brunette told you to wait behind a tree to surprise Levi. Sighing you did as she said, stand against a tree you heard the cheers from the members happy that they were no longer enemies of the state.

“Also Levi look who I brought,” with that, you stepped out from the tree. His eyes widen in surprise; of all the people he didn't think you would be behind the tree.

“Y/n,” he spoke as he moved towards you.

“Who is that?” One of the teen's asked and Hange quickly explained who exactly you were. You felt Levi’s hands grab your and intertwined your fingers.

“I see you have been causing trouble since I left,” your voice was low so only Levi could hear you. You watched as a small smirk formed on his lips.

“Will you were always the best at keeping me in line.” He finally looked up at you, his eyes saying what his mouth won’t. You leaned towards him and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“I missed you too,” pulling away you smiled at him and he nodded. Releasing one of your hands he turned and gently pulled you towards the group of people. All of which looked in awe that their captain could be that soft. With a quick glare from the man in question, they all became interested in the grass or the trees.

“You want to transfer back to the Scouts?” Commander Nile asked as he looked over the form and towards you. “Why?”

“Permission to be frank sir?” The brunette nodded at your question. “I joined the Military Police so I could take care of my mother. The pay was better and inside the walls.” Another nod from your commander. “With my mother's passing, I see no reason to stay.”

“Y/n you could easily climb the ranks.” He picked up your file showing it to you before opening it out. He read aloud some of the notes and comments your leaders gave you. All of which were good.

“Sir,” you spoke again once he stopped. “Ever since I went out of the walls on my first expedition I dreamt of seeing more. I joined the MPs out of duty to my mother. However, I no longer have to worry about her and I think it's high time I act selfishly.” Nile crossed his arms a smirk forming on his lips. A low chuckle left his mouth.

“You tell Erwin he owes me. Stole one of my best soldiers.” Uncrossing his arms he signed off on your transfer.

“Thank you, sir.” You saluted him before you took the papers. Heading towards the office door you turned to him.

“Sir,” Nile looked up from his paperwork giving you a huh. “Commander Erwin didn't steal anything. I was never your.” With that, you left to pack up the rest of your things in your room. Nile chuckled as he looked over the new paperwork on his desk.

“Damn Scouts. They're a loyal lot. I’ll give them that.”

Erwin looked over the paperwork to make sure everything was in order. A slight smile grew on his face as he looked up towards you.

“You came back to us.” Erwin was surprised that you wanted back into the Scouts again. You had been one of the few to get out without losing a limb or being wrapped in a sheet. You looked at your Commander smiling.

“The Scouts have always had what I needed.”

“And what's that?” He asked curious about your answer.

“They want to help humanity and a small sarcastic man.” Erwin laughed at the last part. He remembered all too well how the man you just brought reacted after you transferred. Levi had been exceedingly rough on the newest cadets. He was more irritable to where even Hange refused to miss with him.

“Well, we are glad you are back. I think Levi is in his room resting.” With that being said you nodded your head taken it as your cue to leave. Walking down the hallways of the building the Scouts were staying at you saw just the man who you were going to see. He was black pants and a simple tan shirt. He leaned against the stone, you walked closer towards him making him glance in your direction. Pushing off the wall he met you halfway. His hands, like in the forest found you're and intertwined your fingers together.

“I heard you transferred back to the Scouts.” His voice didn't give away any of what he was feeling.

“How? I just finished…” Levi watched as you figured it out. “That titan loving manic! Does she have no sense of privacy!” Chuckling Levi pulled you into the bedroom he claimed as his. Once you were both in the room he pinned you against the door. Leaning into him you kissed him on the lips. That set off a chain reaction.

Laying in bed with Levi you felt his hand playing in your hair. You missed that feeling. Snuggling closer to him you listened to his breathing feeling the rise and fall of his chest. He placed a kiss on your forehead. You forgot how gentle he was after sex. Others men you had been with after transferring never lived up to Levi. You wanted to stay like this for the whole night. However, the knock on the door ruined that plan.

“Dinner is done. Please come dressed.” You heard Hange snicker at the last part. With a huff you sat up, looking back towards Levi the moonlight seeming to frame him just right. A small smirk played on his lips as he pushed himself up from the bed. Leaning over his placed small kiss going up your spine. You shivered against his touch. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he rested his head on your shoulder. You hadn’t expected Levi to react this way to you coming back. Still, you were happy with him being over affectionate then him being passive-aggressive. You giggled as he placed a kiss on your neck.

“I shouldn't let you out of this room tonight.” He mumbled into your neck, his hot breath tickling you more. “I don’t want to share you.” Your hand rested on his as you leaned into him. As much as you wanted to take him up on that offer you still wanted to talk with old friends and meet his new squad. They were a bunch of teenage ready to change and help humanity.

“I know but-”

“No buts.” You rolled your eyes as you short lover clung to you keeping you placed on the bed.

“Levi we need to eat dinner.”

It took time however soon enough you and Levi entered the dining area. The room was lively as Levi’s squad talked and joked.

“Noisy,” Levi comments as you both got your food.

“Let them have their fun. There still teenage after all.” Granted that group surely had seen so much already. This, however, was the life that they chose. So between the horrors, they have seen and the suffering they went through you thought they deserved small moments of happiness.

Taking a sat with Erwin, Hange, and Moblit you saw the grin on the ponytail brunette. Rolling your eyes you went to take a bite of your bread. Before Hange could speak Levi told her to not even ask. Erwin chuckled as he ate the soup. Hange pouted in as she bit into her bread.

“Y/n,” Erwin pulled your attention to him after a bit of silence. “I want to make you a squad leader.” Your eyebrows knitted together in confusion. You just transferred back if anything you should be a squad leader.

“You are still more experienced, you're skills with the ODM gear was the best in the MPs.”

“To be fair that is not saying much,” you said looking at you commander. “I haven’t been out of the wall for years. I know I’m still rusty and know I won’t want to follow that.” Erwin nodded respected your decision. After that, it soon fell into normal conversation and catching up with your old friends. So many were gone now, Mike, Nanaba, Eld, and so many others. Still, it was good to be back where you belonged. It began to get quiet as the other members filtered out, soon it was just Levi, Erwin, Hange, and yourself. Levi grabbed your hand intertwining your fingers as you kept telling stories from your time in the MPs.

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[ackbang]

tea time (with espresso) for anon. prompt: jealousy

(i went a little off prompt, and wrote WAY too much... like almost 2k words lmao. gomen.)

mike comes from a farm and is the eldest of six. when he was a child, he used to envy his younger siblings. they got to stay inside and help churn butter, weave blankets, and prep dinner while his skin grew dark out on the fields. his muscles ached, grew large and toned from plows, and he seemed to dream every day about days where he could sit at the pond and skip rocks.

jealousy reeks, like old blood sitting on the chopping block, cooking under the summer sun. like blood coughed into the cup of his little sister’s hand, the smell of mucus curdling through her throat as she rasps out strangled breaths. one of his brothers tries to wipe the red from her lips, tries to gather the pearls of sweat from her brow at the edge of a clean cloth, but she passes before she can whisper a bit of thanks.

he swallows it, because the real injustice is having her taken away from him. that he ever felt jealous at all. little iris and her beautiful dusty blonde hair. he cries into the bracelet of tweed she had made him, ties it around his oversized wrist and holds his hand against it when he tells his mother he’s going to join the military.

“the military police?”

“yeah.” because they make the most. they live the longest. he could pay for the medicine this time. he can put more grains on their table during winter. he can protect them.

“jeremy isn’t old enough to tend the fields yet.”

“i can wait.” but not for long.

she looks out past him, past his head and out the window at their small plot of land. it was small, but it was theirs. she nods, but doesn’t look at him. she doesn’t look at him much after that day.

he joins training when he’s 18. the first day of training is tough, but not tough enough to go home. he’d been beaten by years of hard labor, has enough stamina to outrun all of the other cadets until the sunsets. except one: a blond haired boy of 16, eyes wide and curious, but darkened by something.

“mike.” he says, under a heaving breath. he holds out his hand, and the young man accepts.

“erwin.”

they eat in the mess hall, and it becomes a habitual thing. they learn about each other over watery mashed potatoes and steamed carrots. erwin lived with some extended relatives until he was old enough to join the military on his own. he’s an educated man, was accepted to the best schools inside sina but rejected them. “i want to join the survey corps.”

“you what?”

“there’s answers out there.” and he says it like that statement in itself is a secret.

“what kind of answers?”

“the walls. the titans.” erwin’s eyes are focused on his plate, and it takes mike to cough to snap him from his trance. “where did you say you were from again?”

“the farmlands outside of utopia.”

erwin nods. “it’s beautiful there.”

mike’s curious about erwin, about his brain, about the things he muses about when he thinks they’re alone. the things he says, he should be imprisoned for life. but he trusts mike, and in turn, mike trusts erwin. it becomes a rarity for them to be apart. rumors start to spread.

they start to go to the bar every friday during their second year, and mike finds jealously to smell like rum and ale. she hangs on erwin’s arm, drunk, red-faced, and giggling. and mike has to pry her off as erwin starts to drunkenly tell one of his stories again.

“not here, erwin.” mike hisses. he drags the man by his arm out into the cold night air. what relief he had from being away from marie only surged with his anxiety of erwin blurting out heretic words to a crowd that didn’t understand.

“mike,” erwin drawls. “i think she likes me.” he grins big and leans heavily into mike’s chest, and jealousy smells like a drunk, sweating man two seconds away from losing it all.

he smells like something... something different. mike returns back to base, too frustrated to deal with erwin’s drunken escapades one night. he sits in his bunk, his head hanging and knees twitching, waiting patiently for his bunkmate to return. he feels stupid for leaving him there--erwin doesn’t know how to control himself when he’s drunk. and when he stumbles back into the hall after curfew, his finger pressed to his lip in sign to keep quiet, he crawls up to his bunk to sleep without a single word.

mike learns two years later, after they graduate, after they both accept the wings, that what he smelled on erwin was sex. because he smells it on him now, his ass arching into mike’s hips, his mouth gaping and looking up at him with eyes that make mike feel uncomfortable. like maybe four years together was too soon to find love. that two expeditions outside of the walls shouldn’t have scared them enough into the stables at midnight to fuck each other until the horses whinnied for them to shut up.

“mike.” erwin says breathily, and he collapses into his cloak.

“erwin.” mike leans down, kisses the points between his shoulder blades and fucks him so slowly it draws a whimper from erwin’s throat that sounds so sweet it could smell like honey.

erwin’s grown, has seen things that can be changed to save men’s lives. becomes insubordinate, fights against higher command, gets into shadis’ face. mike takes erwin outside, throws his shoulders into the stone of the building. his nose flares, and he stares into those eyes that have been nothing but anchors for him, but they were drifting now. they were looking past him. just like his mother’s.

“knock it off, erwin.”

“he’s a fucking dumbass, mike.”

“if you want to make a difference, you can’t do it that way.”

“fuck him! men are dying��because of him!”

“you’re smarter than that. i know you are.”

erwin finally looks at him. nods. he pries mike’s hands off of him, and the first time in eight years, they don’t eat together.

it’s on their tenth expedition that shit goes wrong.  they’ve both become squad leaders, but shadis has yet to use the long distance scouting formation erwin has been proposing. their squads converge by accident, a titan comes out of nowhere and snatches mike off of his horse. he bangs his hand on the side of a giant finger. he manages to wiggle free enough to cut through the rest of the hand, but doesn’t grapple fast enough when he’s set free. he plummets into the hands of a three meter, his ankle cracking as it snaps back all his weight when its grabbed. he cries out, tries to swipe his blade, but it had snapped through the bone of the last titan.

iris, he thinks of iris when the titan opens its jaws to eat him down. he thinks of his mom. he thinks of erwin.

“mike!” he can hear erwin’s voice, but it’s too far away. he wants to say his name back but he forgets what it is. screams out instead as he smells the rancid fragrance of melted flesh filtering out of the monster’s mouth.

his back hits the ground so hard he can’t even catch the air to make a sound. he rolls onto his side, confused but alive. footsteps lands next to him, and another.

“squad leader, are you all right?”

“hange.” he hear’s erwin. “thank you. thank you so much.”

but things are different then. from that moment, erwin avoids mike. they don’t eat together, and erwin finds himself in the library until well after mike goes to bed. jealousy smells like old musty books and aged brandy.

mike comes to him one night, tells him they’re over. as if they were anything to begin with, he supposes. but it hurts. erwin is looking past him, never looks at him anymore. he’s too focused on shadis’ job, on saving men, on killing titans, on finding answers. mike doesn’t fit there anymore. he probably never did.

he holds the edge of his fist to his forehead, breathes out once, and moves on.

he’s the strongest. they tell him so. he has the most kills. is one of the longest surviving members of the survey corps. they’re deemed veterans on their fifteenth expedition. he wants the title to feel something, he wishes it would send more money home. he wishes erwin would look at him again.

four years later, jealousy smells like shit and dirt. he has a small man’s head in a puddle, the thug’s breath sputtering angrily against the water. his eyes are like pinholes, silver like the moon, and he’s so strong for a small little rat. he presses the man’s head deeper into the mud. he sees how erwin is looking at him. he knows that look.

“stay still, shithead.”

“fuck you.” he spits, but it just dirties his face more. so filthy. such fucking filth.

“mike.” erwin says, and it takes a moment for mike to register. he pulls back, let’s the small man sit up. lets him say his name. 

levi.

the ratboy’s friends die, and he’s impressive when he’s broken. he’d killed so many titans in his rage that he created his own clouds toward heaven. the man holds a blade to erwin’s throat, and mike goes to stop him, and erwin looks at him, but it’s so mike can give him levi. mike stands breathing heavily, feeling so angry that this little shit could threaten erwin like this. like they needed such a rogue to threaten their ranks.

“fight with the survey corps, levi. humanity needs your skill!”

jealousy smells like blood baking in the sunlight. jealousy smells like shit and dirt. jealousy smells like levi, and it takes mike much longer than he cares to admit to loose the scent from the depth of his nostrils.

[kenrik]

Shingeki no Kyojin Rave Post...

You know, shipping aside. (Won’t say wars because we know the characters have had enough for that already T_T And I believe we ship and let ship in this fandom! Woohoo!) 

I just wanted to say, Attack on Titan has got to be the best manga/anime ever. Give me something better if you think there is one. (I'd gladly read/watch it!) 

1. There is no universe more perfect. 2. No characters more incredible - talking about both their human flaws and perseverance. Plus, they are relatable and real!! Not super humans who the fuck you don't know what the hell happened to be so generically heroic. And not to mention, the characters are uber complex! Even the bad guys have their own battles and reasons (which makes total sense! - not some crap childhood quickie backstory). 3. No plot more engaging. It's a perfect balance of logic and imagination.  4. Also, the production team of the anime is unparalleled. Even my parents who have always frowned at me for watching Naruto (to which they based all animes I've watched there after lol) instead of studying, were hooked from the first episode. I love the character designs. I love that they use black outlines for the characters and to add depth to the art. I love that they're proportional lol. And they don't skimp out on the movements during the action sequences - which is just out of this world totally awesome.  

You have Levi - what you think would be a typical I'm too cool to care character but damn he is just so human! And it's funny how he's more compassionate than mostly everyone else. Then, you have Erwin who's just incredible. He is a true leader. Although the show always uses the same phrase "throw away your humanity" or sth - it's pretty true. Everyone who's held a position of power has cast aside part of their humanity to get that position. After all, the fact you get into power means there is something you see, something you want changed. It's the most legal way to be a radical. So basically, throwing away the 'humanity' based on the previous status quo. (i.e. today it was horrific to imagine sacrificing 100 lives. Tomorrow, Erwin decides its necessary.) Then you have Eren, who people who don't understand the show call useless. Which he is not!! He's everyone of us who are weak - yet have that ache inside us that calls out to battle; that wants to fight. I guess I just really like him because as a Filipino (or maybe any ordinary critical-thinking civilian) , a citizen who is crushed under the toes of the corrupt government, of the imperialists, and my own brethren - there are just so many inhumane things happening that I have no power to influence. So, I'm forced to the streets to rally with those who see the same. So basically - an attack titan. LOL. Hahaha Throughout the series, just by speaking out - Eren has already influenced so many of his peers. Even Levi respects him. Also Erwin. (I’d talk about my appreciation for all the characters but they’re just so many of them. Give me a character you hate - not the one dimensional background ones like the merchants though... - and I’ll make an appreciation post! LOL)

5. Also - damn if this anime isn't the most forward-looking one. You got same-sex couples. You got a dynamic workplace (LOL) - I mean, the interaction with the elite forces, the mentorship, etc. It's every millennial's dream! (Pretty sure they have avocado toasts too...). You guys should make a meme “Join the Survey Corps, we have avocado toasts.” And they fuck gender stereotypes! (Remember the god awful fight of Sakura and Ino in the genin exams, was it? WTF RIGHT? Imagine living life as a 12 year old girl watching Naruto and Sasuke kick incredible ass. Then - you see the bullshit Sakura-Ino battle. Like - WTF WTF WTF. Way to feed on the gender stereotypes...) (By now, you realize how much I’ve come to resent Naruto. Regardless of what it has become - to which I say it became nothing much more than a petty shounen that had some cool tricks up its sleeve. - maybe I’ve become too mature to appreciate shounen? - I can’t make a shit post on Naruto because of the fans, they’re crazy. Or maybe, I’m unfair for comparing the two? IDK.) 

Sorry, but I just really love this show so damn much. It aches that Season 2 is no longer than 12 episodes. I need my Ackerman action!! *insert incredible fangirl pain here* Although I do understand how difficult it must be to produce these episodes. Thanks a ton for the effort. It’s difficult making this universe a reality. And it being done half-assedly (like the live action..... whose existence I refuse to acknowledge), would just ruin it entirely. So really, thanks a ton to the makers. 

I hope I hibernate from this fandom soon. I did so after the first season ended airing. And, opening the manga in 2017 left me with a buttload to read. So that was fun. 

END.

So, that was my messy rave post. Just had to rave even though nothing much happened in today’s episode.