#and ho boy are there A LOT OF OPTIONS

[drowthelynes]

in a complete 180 from my prev fic link, HAVE SOME RAREPAIR SOKKA / CHIT SANG HORN KNEE (yes that is my alt to separate the pwobwematic stuff. this one is relatively tame tho....still, read the tags obviously MWAH <33)

yeah i know. i singlehandedly created the sokka/chit sang tag. my pussy is huge etcetc,

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

So because apparently both parties in my country oppose trans healthcare to some extent I want to make it very clear to cis people what healthcare they're opposing.

There's a lot of fearmongering about children undergoing medical transition. So I'm gonna walk you through what might happen to a child who is transgender and wants to go the full medical route. Let's say our hypothetical transgender child, I'll make him a him because I'm a him and I'll call him Rat because he named himself when he was 6.

So Rat would probably, unless he experienced precocious puberty, go on hormone blockers at age 9 or 10, a year or two before he would start experiencing puberty just to make sure he doesn't experience any female puberty symptoms. Then at about 13 or 14 he would have an appointment with his doctor and they would decide that he has been sure that he was a boy for many years now and he's at an appropriate age to start puberty, at which point he would be taken off the hormone blockers and put onto a dosage of testosterone that is typically of what his perisex camab peers produce naturally. Because he never produced estrogen he would not have grown breasts and not need top surgery. He would develop exactly how his camab peers develop.

Now I want to put an interlude here that literally all of this is reversible. At any point Rat could change his name back and go off the testosterone jabs and his ovaries would start functioning again and they would produce the appropriate estrogen to give him breasts and hips. He could take the same vocal training classes that trans women take, he could get laser hair removal on the places where appropriate, and it would be as if he'd never been on the hormones at all.

But he doesn't want to do that. He wants a penis so let's move onto that.

As far as surgery goes, he would not be able to have either metoidioplasty or phalloplasty until he was on hormones long enough to experience the necessary bottom growth to occur, which takes a couple of years. (At least that was what I was told in 2016 please lmk if standards have changed since then). So at this point we're already about 16 years old before surgery even comes up as an option at the doctor's office. And Rat, if he is particularly gung ho about getting a penis and his parents can afford it/insurance will pay for it, probably gets put on a waiting list for a consultation with a specialist in genital reconstruction. Let's say at that consult which probably takes a few months minimum to get into, he opts for the most similar to perisex male genitalia: phalloplasty with testicular implants. Right there we're looking at at least three different surgeries and not all of them are going to happen at the same time. He's 17 before he's ever even on the operation table and he's been consistently identified as male since elementary school. This is the fastest possible bottom surgery route I'm laying out for you here and he still not slanging it until senior prom when he'll give it an ill advised test run in the back of his parents Subaru with Kelly from the anime club. All of that is assuming there's a doctor who will do it for him that can fit him in. Some people wait years for surgery.

Now some people get top surgery younger, but guess what, breast implants both exist and can be removed. If a 14 year old gets a double mastectomy and regrets it when they're 23 they can get implants. If a 16 year old gets breast implants and regrets it when they're 20 they can get those taken out. Top surgery is not complicated and I've heard from guys who truely would not have made it if they hadn't gotten theirs done.

I know this won't convince anyone who opposes trans healthcare but I hope it at least explains transition to cis allies who support trans people getting healthcare but still might think minors not being allowed to have surgery is a moderate position. I invite any trans person to add onto this with a MTF perspective or how their surgeries helped them.

[melodrangea]

halloween never really ends for me so could i request maka, soul, and dtk with a vampire s/o? thank you :>

absolutely my dear, all reign halloween!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soul Eater Characters with a Vampire S/O

Soul "Eater" Evans

-would think it's mad cool, only adding to his 'cool persona'

-I mean a cool guy like him should have a cool S/O too

-only thing that would worry him is the whole "drinking blood" thing

-but once you explain that you usually only get blood from vendors (like Sarah in My Babysitter's a Vampire) or from bad people you fight (technically kishin souls still have human blood I think)

-Soul absolutely love your sharper vampire teeth, he has pretty sharp teeth too so he thinks it's fun that you two match

(plus he thinks it's hot to leave bite marks on him and the same for you)

-wouldn't let you drink his blood if you needed too out of fear for his lack blood spreading but he will either find someone else to help you or figure something else out

-do not walk on the ceiling around this man, he will scream and cry

-only thing he isn't a fan of is the whole 'never sleeping' part, like Soul needs sleepy cuddles to function, so you're being dragged whether it's you staring at the ceiling at night or not

-overall 8/10; isn't really bothered but it's not like he absolutely adores for the sake of being a vampire, he just likes you for you

Maka Albarn

-oh ho ho she thinks you're hot

-if you have the stereotypical "vamp goth" fashion style, she will do anything you ever ask of her

-she will be staring at you with red tinted heart glasses

-(and don't even get me started on when you bit her lip with your vamp teeth while making out)

-does find you being a vampire very interesting and will often ask you a lot of questions about what it's like

-it has crossed her mind more than once that you will outlive her by a long while but you always just kiss her until she forgets; deciding to save that issue for a later time

-she doesn't mind a lot of the you being a vampire quirks

-like you'll be climbing the wall and she'll just hand you a duster

"can you get that spot in the corner for me babe?"

-would probably be the only one on the list to let you drink her blood if you needed to

-but would also offer you other options and solutions first(let's be honest she has you on a schedule so you know when you need to feed so situations like that don't happen)

-Maka often stays up fairly late studying so she likes that you don't really sleep so you can keep her company

-overall: 11/10; Maka loves you so much and would do anythgin for you, please just cuddle this poor thing

Death the Kid

-probably the most apprehensive about you being a vampire out of the three

-once you get into a relationship he will actually learn to appreciate it

-I headcannon that as a grim reaper Kid doesn't really sleep much either, maybe a few hours but he doesn't need more than that

-so you both will be able to spend time with each other during the night when most are asleep <3

-will not under any circumstance let you drink his blood, as much as he wants to help you, there is no way to make the bite marks even on both sides of his neck or both wrists etc...

-but he will personally purchase blood from a blood bank or pay someone to regularly donate for you (rich boy privileges)

-another one to have a calendar or schedule to make sure you get the blood you need but will be less obvious about it then Maka though, would probably just make a light handed comment

"it's been a few days do you think you will need blood soon?"

-Kid will also be so happy that you're a vampire for the same reason Maka is worried, you will live a lot longer than a normal human being

-when Kid takes over as Lord death he will be semi immortal so he's so thankful that you will live just about as long as he will

-the rest of you being a vampire...not so much unfortunately

-like you will terrify him to his soul if you walk onn a wall

-and heavens forbid if your fangs aren't symmetrical

-but just love on him until he forgets about whatever he's rambling about and you're fine

-would be another to appreciate goth fashion, he would get you two matching outfits as your styles are similar <3

overall 9/10; I cannot think of a better part for Kid than an immortal being like himself, you guys will get to spend the better part of a thousand years with each other <3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that's all my loves!

hope you enjoyed anon

-Melodrangea <3

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Top 5 meals/food-related moments?

have a good day :)

oh ho ho ho so I see you have decided on a nuclear option. Well, do I have just the thing for you

Kayoko telling Kenji that Shiro Talks About Him in What Did You Eat Yesterday? Season 2, Ep. 11

Shiro has a really hard time verbally expressing love, especially about Kenji to Kenji. Which is why you, me, Kenji, everybody has to understand Food As Love is Shiro's entire shtick. In season 1, Shiro outed himself to Kayoko because she thought he might attack her and she calmed down about Shiro immediately after she found out he was a lawyer. And we see Kayoko ask Shiro about Kenji from time to time. BUT in Season 2, Kayoko sees Kenji in the supermarket and instantly recognizes him off of Shiro's description of him alone. And she treats him like a celebrity because of how much Shiro talks about Kenji. So you can imagine that I was absolutely bawling my fucking eyes out when Kayoko said this to Kenji at dinner:

"But you know, I already knew your preferences so well. When I go shopping with Kakei-san, he talks about you all the time...He says it with a smile"

Complete with flashbacks of Shiro talking about Kenji, what food he likes, why it's okay to get something a little more expensive. Kenji is a loud, proud, more femme gay man who is not able to hide his queerness the way that Shiro has. Kenji is also an incredibly patient and understanding man who knows Shiro is grappling with a lot of internalized homophobia, the weight of knowing he can't give his parents the grandchildren they want, parents who struggle with his sexuality. Kenji knows that Shiro loves him, but we know he can be hurt by it sometimes. So Kenji hearing from Kayoko how much Shiro talks about him was something that was so fucking needed. Not necessary, but needed. And I could not hold back my tears to see Shiro smiling away talking to Kayoko about his boyfriend, because he has so few people he can and will do that with.

Making "Magic", Our Dining Table (Bokura No Shoutaku), Ep. 5

gif by @bubblegeon

gif by @troubled-mind

Absolutely one of my favorite moments in the entire series is Tane appearing with this instant ramen package in his hand asking if Minoru wants to make "magic". I love it for so many reasons. I love it because Minoru has sacrificed so much in his life to help take care of Tane and because of that, because of who Minoru is, because of who his father is, because of who his mother is Tane is an extremely extremely emotionally aware kid. My sweet, sweet, beautiful baby boy can tell something is up with Yutaka after they run in to his older brother at the grocery store, and he can tell something is up with Minoru after they meet with his ex-girlfriend at the restaurant. And Tane repays all the care he is giving by these two by trying to find a solution he thinks will help make them feel better. Which is of course to make ramen fried rice.

Now. There is even more to this than Tane just picking up this meal his mother used to make a lot. Because Tane's mother died when he was two. He would have little to no memories of his mother, but Minoru would. Which means Minoru would have had to teach him this, carrying on her memories, her stories, her comfort to his baby brother. Minoru teaches Tane how to smash the ramen the same way their mother taught Minoru to do it. AND there is even more to this that is not really addressed but is something I (and I'm sure others) realized a bit later. Because I have made this meal multiple times and it is...so easy. I mean, 20 minutes rice in the rice cooker the day before, smash the noodles, I microwave them for 3 minutes, drain the water, and then five minutes later I've got a complete dish. It takes almost zero energy and it is great for my high pain days or my super low days. Minoru talks about his mother being sick, and how she really didn't let on to it. But the ramen fried rice is a good indication to me that she was hiding her exhaustion, her illness, her pain with fun, easy meals like this that require minimal effort and energy.

Amane having dinner with Ryuji's family, If It's With You (Kimi to Nara Koi Wo Shite Mite Mo), Ep. 3

gif by @jimmysea

I will never not love characters who are deeply deeply sad and hide the pain they've suffered and the melancholy they carry with them behind kindness and smiles and light. Amane brightens up every room he walks in to...well, every room that has anyone else but Ryuji in it. Ryuji is incredibly incredibly good at seeing straight through to Amane's core and calling him out on trying to hide himself and his feelings away. But here, in Ryuji's home Amane is well and truly feeling happy. He is understanding what family can look like, what family can feel like. Something he has never known because his parents worked so much he always ate alone. Amane deserves to experience these things, and I am so glad that he was able to have this moment because if and when Ryuji gets comfortable with dating Amane and brings him home again, it's good to know that Ryuji's family is kind and that they already know him, love him, and are comfortable enough to tease him immediately so Amane won't have to worry about their reaction.

Charn eating with Tinn's family, Laws of Attraction, Ep. 5

The fucking!!!!!!! GAHHH!! As much as we have all obsessed over the chemistry between Jam and Film, how hot Maya and Rose are, how unhinged Charn are Nawin are, how fucking awesome the grandmother is, we really do not talk enough about the fact that Laws of Attraction is first and foremost a tragedy. In the short time we had with her we knew Tonkhao was happy, and funny, and loved and she was just trying to help ease the burden her uncle had by going shopping for him and died as a result. That's Tinn's baby girl, he's raised her since infancy, and he lost her in such a horrific way. I reblogged something about grief the other day that talked about how grief in fiction and grief in reality are so different because grief in reality is so mundane, your world may be turning on it's axis but you still have to go grocery shopping. Stories like this one do more to bridge that gap, Tonkhao is dead, but you still have to find a lawyer, Tonkhao is dead but you still have to run your restaurant, Tonkhao is dead...Tonkhao is dead. And her memory and the love her family had for her is being tarnished in the news, this familly's grief is on full display, is questioned, is attacked. And I really loved this moment and the conversation that Charn has with Tinn immediately afterwards where Tinn talks about Tonkhao and how he wants her to be remembered, and I love this so deeply for what it shows about grief. That you can't just turn it on and off, here they are: grandma, Tinn, and Charn in a good mood, chatting away and then all of a sudden watching Charn eat and enjoy the soup just triggers a memory of Tonkhao that brings a ton of pain bubbling to the surface out of nowhere. Tonkhao haunts the narrative, even after justice has been served, she is still there with them, her little doll sitting in a chair at Tinn and Charn's wedding.

Jim shares a beer with Li Ming, Moonlight Chicken, Ep. 7

There is something about the death of a community pillar rocks the community at large, and how the tragedy and grief of losing someone that important to so many people can finally spur people in to action. Jim has been watching Li Ming grow up before his very eyes, but he's like many other parent/guardians and has spent so much of the show having difficulty coming to terms with the fact that Li Ming is growing up. Jim spends so much of his time stressing out about Li Ming, his financial situation changed dramatically probably right around the time he took Li Ming in, Jim is worried about how much Li Ming has struggled and may continue to struggle and is having a hard time not blaming himself for that. And finally we get the release of the all the stress and tension with Jim acknowledging Li Ming is stepping in to adulthood. I love everything about this scene, I love the acknowledgement, I love the apology, I love Jim teasing Li Ming about Heart, and I especially love the conversation about Jam because I think it shows Jim that Li Ming is capable of complex, nuanced, adult thoughts and feelings. He helped with the funeral, he stood up in support of Heart, he talked back against injustice, Li Ming spent so much of this show coming in to his own, and this is the moment all that work, misery, stress, anger bears fruit for the single most important relationship in Li Ming's life.

ASK ME MY TOP 5 OF ANYTHING BL 2023

[bengiyo]

Love for Love's Sake Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

Last time, we picked up with the boys’ date, and things took a turn when Myunha wanted to avoid an interaction with his mom in her café, and then the amusement park was closed. Myungha also disappointed Yeowoon by telling him they were just friends. Later, Myungha soundly rejected Sangwon, and then further disappointed Yeowoon by telling him to love someone else instead. Thankfully, Shi-a teamed up with Yeowoon and is rooting for him. Myungha had to save 3,000,00 won, and learned that Yeowoon is being abused by an older male relative (perhaps his father). Thankfully, Kyunghoon is excited about his boyfriend coming back from Canada, and this gave Myungha the push to face Yeowoon properly. We left on the two of them having their first kiss. Also, the game is glitching.

Yes! Give him kissing lessons! No more stiff kissing in BL! Lessons start immediately!

Episode 6: Love

I like that at least Myungha is interrogating the ethics of dating under these circumstances. Sure wish another show was doing that.

Yeowoon is so earnest. I love this boy. I can’t wait to see all of Shi-a’s advice.

Myungha cries after watching what sounds like a Godzilla-King Kong-zombie film! I love him!!

He is 18 and he wants to kiss! I feel that, Yeowoon!

Shi-a! You interrupted the date!

Now we have to make him an idol? I don’t know that Yeowoon wants that kind of scrutiny.

Yes, go on and kiss the boy!

I’m with Sangwon. This IG thing seems like a bad idea.

Oh shit! We’re glitching!

I like the big wave Yeowoon does when he sees Myungha now.

Okay, that street scene was cute.

Oh ho! Is the writer trying to reach Myungha inside of the game? How did he put him here in the first place?

It’s super trippy that Myungha can see these notices from the game.

I love the idea of a character rejecting fate in a game world where the options are predetermined by the designers.

Tae Myungha better not die!!!

My precious boy is being stalked, too? It’s always something, goddamn.

This dude really ran up and snatched Myungha’s phone. I’m glad Sangwon checked him on this behavior.

Oh, a breakup flashback. He’s bi, girls.

Yeowoon definitely thinks he just got invited over for a night of intimacy. I hope Myungha realizes that.

Ah, the classic cruel video game choice: choose which person you love to die.

That’s a good cliffhanger.

Things are starting to move really quickly with the plot. It works well because they show the game itself falling apart, like the devs are dealing with a project spiraling out because of too many player choices to accommodate. Throwing an element of major danger into the story narrows the field back to make the players focus on the biggest issue. I feel like there’s going to be a lot to discuss about the structure of this story when we’re done. I remain deeply-compelled.

[kiragecko]

This is a post about why I'm currently considering myself to be nonbinary, but it's not a post about gender.

-

It’s about 90% of the elementary school girls wanting to sit on the grass and talk about boys, and me still not understanding why even now, in my mid 30s.

It’s about ‘girls books’ that were all about friendship drama and worrying about menstruating, and how these were framed as universal concerns. My only friends were a pair of male cousins and we mostly cared about how our Lego ninjas’ castle infiltration was going. (The options were limited in my small library in the mid-90s.)

It’s about the ‘wild’, ‘disobedient’, and 'hyper' kids in the books I grew up with being so much better behaved than me, even on my best day, that I’d puzzle over it for weeks. Maybe if my parents were stricter I would be able to follow instructions easier? Maybe I was one of the mean kids in those books? Why was nobody in books like me?

It’s about the revulsion I feel when I think about ‘romantic’ gestures. Remembering my mom getting flowers from someone at church, and my aunt getting upset when I laughed about how she wouldn’t like them. MY MOM IS ALLERGIC TO FLOWERS, but a person who had nothing to do with the situation got offended that I didn’t consider them a thoughtful and nice gift. It makes me feel nauseous thinking about how I’m ‘supposed’ to think things that I don’t want and can’t use are loving gifts, just because society decided they were.

It's about people wanting me to already know their social conventions, and feeling like they are doing SO MUCH WORK when they make allowances for my mistakes, but thinking that learning anything about how I like to communicate is asking far too much of them.

It's about trying to make friends as a teen, and all the guys getting upset or weird when it became clear that wasn't code for dating.

It's about makeup giving me rashes, and my hair being done up giving me headaches.

It’s about women in lingerie in ads, and how I wore a headscarf for a year in reaction to how that made me feel.

It's about learning biblical gender roles, and getting really excited about the idea of protection and love in return for submission. And then finding out I like the BDSM understanding of protection and submission a lot more than I like the church's. That the person I love doesn't have the skill to protect me in ways that make submission safe.

It’s about having noise and light sensitivities, but being expected to enjoy crowded weddings.

It’s about people acting disgusted when I get too loud. Or excited. Or happy. Or interested.

It's about 'body language experts' that ""explain"" what various gestures mean, and it's about that month when my husband believed them and told me I was wrong about what I felt.

It's about definitions of 'womanhood' and 'humanity' that contain things that exclude me. And learning how to be okay with being the exception this time. And eventually getting so used to being the exception that I can no longer connect to the concept at all.

It's about only reading fantasy, now, because an elf's experience isn't supposed to be relatable.

It’s about learning that ‘I actually wanted’ things I didn’t want, and I was ‘unreasonable’ when I said no, and I was being ‘too sensitive’ when things physically or emotionally hurt.

It’s about being ADHD and aroace and weird in far too many ways; in a culture that seems to consider that to be willful rebellion and disrespect.

-

I don’t know how to be a woman. I don’t know how to feel good about being a woman. I don't feel I can fulfill the roles and dynamics associated with femininity. I can't present myself in the expected ways, and I don't really want to. In isolation, 'woman' feels like an accurate description. But than I think of OTHER people considering me a woman, and having the right to define what that means, and I just can't.

I need a break from considering myself female, so I can figure out how to do it in a way that doesn’t break me.

I want to learn how to interact with other people in a way that are less exhausting and painful. Engage on my own terms, and disengage if those terms aren’t fulfilled. Protect my own boundaries with strangers and acquaintances - people I don’t expect to make allowances for me. Not by demanding things of them, but by only offering myself on certain terms.

I don't want to ask anything about anyone else. I'm tired of it being about them. I want to ask things of myself. Ask for respect, and care. Figure out what that would actually look like. I want to process and let go of my self-hatred and feelings of being 'designed wrong'.

I've heard the terms 'acegender' and 'neurogender'. They don't excite me, but I recognize that's part of what's going on. Having ADHD gets in the way of performing womanhood to the point that it becomes hard to separate them. And some much of femaleness is defined in relation to being a part of a heterosexual romantic couple. I've got the man, but that hasn't helped me decode the mysteries of romantic and sexual attraction. The baffling concept of men having some sort of allure that women lack, of being a different category.

But, like my marriage isn't about my lack of attraction (it's about the choice I made to love him, and the decade plus of commitment we've had to each other), being nonbinary isn't about my lack of understanding of and ability to perform womanhood. It's about choosing to love myself, and recognizing that I've internalized enough harmful beliefs that I can't healthily identify as female right now.

It's not about gender.

[satureja13]

The next day. While Saiwa still tries to convince Jack that it's not possible to throw Greg in the dungeons of the castle without proper evidence and investigations, they suddenly heard an alarm going off ö.ö

Jeb: "Jack, Kiyoshi - quick! Let's get out of here!"

It wasn't hard to locate the source of the noise, it came from their TTT (Teleporting TukTuk)! They turned the alarm off. Despite the lock on its wheel, it must have moved out of the garage by itself.

Saiwa: "But why the alarm?" Vlad checked his calendar: "Erm, I guess over Jack's death, we've forgotten that it's Summer Solstice today..." Saiwa: "What? Already one and a half month have passed since then?" Time flies! And they'd already forgotten Beltane, the last festival in the wheel of the year... Today is the beginning of summer and the longest day of the year. Until Winter Solstice on December 21, the days are getting shorter again from tomorrow on.

Jack: "Maybe it wants us to board and it'll take us somewhere, like last time at Beltane when we found ourselves at Tartosa..." And so they squeezed themselves into the tiny teleporting TukTuk... Puppy Jack is already excited, as always: "I wonder where we are going this time!"

The TTT ported them away from Tomarang through the Otherworld... Well, this place looks familiar. It's Henford! Where Sai, Jack, Vlad and Ji Ho had spent their first weekend trip together almost two years ago! And where Jeb showed up and we saw his face for the first time (that was before he joined them).

But it's also the place where Jack's Heidi nightmare took place. Which lead to his breakdown - and his breakup with Kiyoshi... and the beginning of his pain. Saiwa: "Are you ok, Jack? Come, let's leave again." Jack: "What? No! It's Summer Solstice! We should celebrate. I'm fine. We deserve a little time out. Remember? The old Jack is dead and the new, better Jack is going to prosper!" Sometimes Saiwa wishes he had a tiny bit of Jack's optimism. How can he be so positive to be able to vercome his hardships after he wanted to throw Greg in the dungeons just a few minutes ago? Saiwa sighed. (This actually happened to me a few years ago. I had been working so hard on myself to overcome my hardships and prosper. I'd thought I'd come so far already and I had been utterly sure I'd made huge steps. But then something happened that showed me I wasn't as stable as I thought I was and it threw me back so far omg. Let's hope Jack will do better than me - with a little help of his friends.)

Also, Jack never forgot that Vlad wanted to come back to Henford with Ji Ho. That had been one of his last wishes before he died (after he drank Ji Ho's poisonous blood to claim him back from Genji...) So leaving is not an option for Jack. Everything happens for a reason.

Sai was not completely convinced that Jack is really ok but the show must go on: "Well then - let's change into something comfortable and hope that TTT brought some stuff with him."

And since they are in the Otherworld and the TTT is a magical vehicle, there was actually a lot the tiny TukTuk brought with him - and to set up :3 There is even a tent that looks like Barfolomews holy Star Wars tent Jack had destroyed on their weekend trip (Ji Ho worked at the Diner de los Muertos to pay for the repair - where he met Luci...) Of course Vlad and Jack will sleep in the Star Wars tent. And Kiyoshi and Jeb will share a tent (Kiyoshi is still not back to his old self since he came back after spending decades in the tree / becoming a diety) and Saiwa and Ji Ho the other. Even the Little Goats joined them!

Saiwa is worried about Jack, no matter how much he claims to be ok. Jack is Saiwa's oldest friend, he'll talk to him later when everything is set up and the goats and the Boys are fed.

And while the others set up the tents and stuff, Jeb prepared the meals. The sun was just setting when they started to eat. What a wonderful world. They deserve a peaceful festival after all they went through.

'I see skies of blue and clouds of white The bright blessed day the dark sacred night And I think to myself what a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky Are also on the faces of people going by I see friends shaking hands saying, "How do you do?" They're really saying I love you'

Louis Armstrong - What a wonderful World

The way Sai looks at Jeb when he looks in another direction <3

And then his face fell when he looked back at Jack.

When they finished their meal, Sai and walked a bit together. Just until they saw the Mansion from afar. Greg had brought toddler Jack to the Mansion after he rescued him from the Lab and he grew up here with 'Uncle' Stefan (Stefan is not his real Uncle). And here also the worst part of his Heidi Nightmare took place... Saiwa: "Let's leave, we'll find another place, hm?"

Jack: "I won't run away anymore. I've come so far and my pain is almost gone. Maybe I died ingame so I can prove that the therapy works? That I can carry over what I've learned ingame to my real life? It will be painful and hard. And I miss Lou so much. But it will be worth it in the end. I'll start a new life. You will help me, won't you? Push me when I fall back in my old, crazy habits." Sai: "Of course I will help you. I'm just not sure if I can push you. I'm worried you're going too fast."

But then a Summer Solstice Wonder happened! A flock of cute birds were flying in circles around Jack! With sparkles and singing and everything! As if they wanted to reassure him that he's on the right path! Jack: "What? ... See?!" Saiwa: "How did you do that? You are really something else ^^'"

Sai: "I hope I can find a kind of balance between pushing you and keeping you safe. But I'm always there for you. Just talk to me, hm? And we still have Vlad." Jack: "Promised. I love you." Saiwa sighed but he said it anyway: "I know." (Saiwa is not much into Star Wars, that's more a Jack/Vlad thing. But he knows it makes Jack happy when he answers with 'I know' ^^')

to be continued...

The Boys had quite the event on last year's Summer Solstice ö.ö Let's hope this year's is quieter.

The Therapy Game Master Post with the sessions and places so far is -> here

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest Current Chapter: 'Who killed Jack?' from the beginning ▶️ here Last Chapter: 🕹️ 'The One' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[tiramisusbakery]

The Auction pt. 1

Summary: Hidden Inventory Gojo and Geto play sorcerer save-a-ho {lol} a little too close to the sun and end up as love rivals to a girl from the Red Light. Leaving their little world of sorcery in the mountains, they sneak out to Tokyo, a city budding with a new thing called...quirks?

(no MHA characters btw just a slight universe clash)

So...the quirk thing is weird, but they're not asking questions, as long as they get in the club. Taking a dip into underworld affairs to test their luck, they are forced into a world of glitz, glam, and organized crime, sacrificing much more than money (but still a lot of fuckin money) to save the object of their affection from dire circumstances and win her love. MINORS DNI

#BLACKOC #jjk #Gojosatoru #Gojo #GetoSuguru #Geto #NSFW #MHAOC

Warnings: NSFW, Teens in adult situations (what else is new in jjk tbh), violence, cursing, underage alcohol consumption

OPTIONAL READ: Lore Recap for the world surrounding this fic; What started as a fun rebellious game of sneaking out from Jujutsu High to party (Gojo) and trying to do damage control as a result, only to get mixed up in the same world himself (Geto) turns into a sex addiction, a secret love affair, and a complicated set of Red Light District politics for our boys. On a night out meeting his favorite call girl, Tira, Gojo finds himself intrigued instead by her mentee, Angie, a mysterious escort with enormous wings (and something called a quirk?) Geto, looking for Gojo, found Angie first and shared a short...yet intimate...exchange with her before she sends him on his way back to JJH. Afterward, she shares a passionate night with her sensei and Geto's best friend, Gojo. Her first night as a fully fledged escort is a success! Yet, little does she know, she has become the object of the affection of the two strongest sorcerers alive.

Enjoy~

"I think i'm in love" Angie whispered aloud, more to herself than Tira, her sensei, who sat across from her at the bright makeup table.

Tira flinched, missing her nail, and sticky bright- red polish from the set she'd been working on dribbled down her index finger, dolloping onto the glossy vanity instead.

"Oh, hun."

"Why do you sound like I just told you my nana died?" Angie blinked at her from the chaise sofa that she had strewn herself across since returning from the meet and greet. 

Tira heaved a sigh, throwing her head back and letting her hair tumble down her shoulders to dust the floorboards. She met the girl's wide-eyed stare through heavy lids.

"She might as well have, babes. Please don't take this the wrong way, but you need to prioritize."

Angie avoided her gaze, and Tira felt an uncomfortable twinge in her chest for all of a second. She had a feeling she knew who it was, but what if…?

"Okay, i'll bite. Who are you in love with?"

The younger woman puffed her cheeks, prodding her pointer fingers together in quiet apprehension. "Suguru"

Tira straightened, attending to her drying manicure as if the twinge had never occured. She tried to remain neutral as she thanked her lucky stars.

"Mhmmm, Suguru." She hummed. "You mean the hot best friend of heartthrob Gojo Satoru, whom you fucked last week?"

Angie waited a beat before nodding. Tira didn't even wait to meet her eyes in the mirror before continuing.

"Suguru, whom you've fucked a total of one and a half times, only seen at night under neon lamps, and don't even know what he does for a living?"

"What was that slime monster?"

"Exactly."

"But they're just heroes! Really…weird heroes."

Tira tsked, and it was the first time Angie felt her age with the woman since they'd met. "What did I say about letting men play hero with you?"

"But he's not playing-"

"He's as serious as a 16 year old boy can be. Which, believe you me, is playing. Playing hero, noirette."

Tira felt as though she could hear Angie's heart break, and decided to change her approach.

"Little bird, when is he coming back?"

"Dunno." She muttered. Tira turned to find the girl's face in her hands, her newly defined curls curtaining her no doubt reddened complexion.

"Wanna see?"

Angie didn't react.

Whipping out her phone, Tira tapped a few keys. In just one ring came the bedroom voice of her favorite romp.

"Ye-llow~"

"Blue" she purred.

The phone went silent. Then a word, on a voice that wavered ever so slightly with boyish glee.

"Tira?" Satoru asked in disbelief.

"Its me. I need a favor."

"A-anything! Uh, well almost anything. Yes?"

"I need to know the next time you and your friend plan to come to the district together, a few days in advance. Is that alright?"

"Uh, sure. Why?"

"No questions. Just be sure to have some serious bread next time I see you. Tell your pal to empty his sock drawer. We're gonna play a little game."

Tira clapped the phone shut, and tossed it onto the counter.

Angie watched the device skitter until it stopped.

"Good. Now all we need is to choreograph"

"Choreograph? Wha-"

"Your mimic dance, of course. The one you'll do on Geto and Gojo when they bid on you."

"When they do WHAT?"

Tira was up from her chair in a moment, bouncing toward her charge with the glee of a girl half her age. 

"When they bid, my love! They're going to bid to claim you. Only one of them can, now, since they're best friends. The other will be forbidden from booking with you forever!” 

She paused.

“Or at least until you’re fully on the market and can choose your own clients, which won’t be for years. We'll see who is in love with who then~"

Angie's jaw dropped, her heart kicking in her chest at the sudden adrenaline that Tira had injected into her bloodstream.

"No. No! What if Geto can't out-bid Gojo?"

"He can and will."

"But Gojo has money. Like, old money. What if he screws him over?"

"He wouldn't do that if his friend was really in love with you"

"But what if he's not?"

"Aha! There it is."

Angie closed her wings around herself and hid in the bundle of feathers as if huddling against a strong wind. Her breathing softened to a light coo as she attempted to steady her anxious pulse.

Tira's heart skipped a beat at the sight of the scared girl. Hesitating, the woman dropped to her knees before her, and took her hands from beneath the plumage of her wings, massaging them in her own.

"Angie, baby?" She cocked her head to the side, her grin softening to one of sympathy. "You're scared, huh?"

"Yes." Her voice was muffled and small.

"Baby, this is an exercise in maturity. See this as a win win win. You get to find out if he shares your feelings without ever revealing your own, you get showered in cash, and you don't even have to show skin. Plus, nothing clears my head like a good auction."

Wait a minute, auction? Wasn't there a big one coming up? Screw the mimic dance, she might be able to make Angie a star. 

But was she ready?

"But if he loses he can't ever book with me again" the girl sniffled.

"If he loses, he'll just have to find a way to love you for free, Raven."

The girl parted her wings and a sliver of light danced in her wet, owlette-like eyes.

"You're so smart"

Tira rested her head in the girl's lap.

"I know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the next three weeks, Tira strictly forbade Angie from contacting her boo-thang, and put her under rigorous training for her one shining moment as a prize between the two boys.

According to Tira, this was her first test in distinguishing work from play, where she would need to be okay being an ultimatum, a genuine variable to someone's life and limb. It was the pride and joy of geishas to move their audience beyond recognition with their art, and she needed to be worthy of that.

And beyond anything else, it was her duty to make him suffer, Tira had said- especially since he'd had the audacity to make her fall in love with him.

"These boys are brothers in arms. Why should you be what comes between them?" Tira snapped, tapping a closed fan sharply to her student's protruding hip.

This time, Angie was balancing a short stack of books on her head, atop them a teacup filled with hot tea. The steam wafted from the cup as she watched it in the full length mirror before her, reminding her of the imminent danger of dropping it.

"W-well"

"Don't hesitate. Why would one of them choose you over the other?"

"Because I am not a want."

"What are you?"

"A need"

"Yes." Tira clapped her fan and Angela posed in the second formation that had been taught to her, where she popped her chest and tucked her stomach, her fingers pinched delicately above her head and the heels of her feet raised up from the ground. She met her own eyes in the mirror, not spilling a drop of tea.

"Why should they spend their life savings, their allowance, the very last penny of their piggy bank on you?"

"Because it was never theirs, it was mine from the day they met me."

"Good!" She clapped her fan once more, and Angie adjusted in time with her command.

Tira clapped her fan, posing, adjusting, and instructing Angie until she was exhausted, and even beyond. She made the girl go days in heels until the blisters became part of her feet, and spoke to her with the kind of instruction an old madame might have given a disobedient upstart. 

And then came the choreography. Angie had been bent, bounced, and broken until she could execute every move to perfection. She was up practicing at dawn, and didn't stop until her shift every night.

Angie didn't know if she regretted telling the girl about her feelings, but if this didn't end soon, she thought she would take them back.

Angela laid flat on her back on her Sensei's plush mattress, much softer than her own last-minute sleeping arrangements, and absentmindedly addressed the burn marks in the ceiling above her as they wound the periphery of the room, looking desperately for a distraction from the stinging in her feet. She wasn't sure if Tira would be back from her last call of the night soon, and was worried to be found slacking, but the worry didn't overpower the exhaustion. 

"Ooooh what am I gonna do~" she moaned.

Her breasts were swollen in her loose grasp, having been heavy and burdened ever since she'd begun to tighten up about weaning Miku. She didn't know why she couldn't just keep letting her baby nurse- it felt better for both of them, anyway.

Well, that was a lie. She knew why, it was so she could finally move up the ranks from a rookie geisha to a full performer by her next birthday. It would make her and Miku more money, and she'd finally be able to rent her own place in the Playground. Her baby couldn't be attached to her the way she was now, or she'd be stuck until her daughter could talk.

Prodding delicately at her puffy nipples, she closed her eyes and pictured first holding Miku to them to relieve the pain, and then Geto. 

Geto could…help instead…she thought blearily, her eyes fluttering a few times before she finally drifted.

She didn't know that she'd fallen asleep until a light tap on her nose pulled her out of her stupor. Peering up into the lamp-lit halo above her, she saw her instructor's pursed, plum colored lips and arresting brown eyes, appraising her as if she were a curator and her charge a work of art.

"You're ready."

Angie's mouth snapped open and she sat up in the lush bed, holding the sheets to her chin. "How can you tell?"

Tira shrugged. It was the most juvenile movement Angie had seen her make in weeks. "I just can. Look at how you sat up, no haste. How you woke from your sleep, so graceful. Stand for me."

Angie did as she was told without a second thought, as if her body moved on its own. She swept up from the bed lightly, her posture tall, and floated to the space before Tira as if she materialized there.

Her feet hurt but her discipline had taught her to stand tall anyway. Tira circled her once, stood back, and hummed in approval.

"Yeah" Tira smiled, her eyes crinkling in the corners with a surprising melancholy. Angie wondered how much sleep she'd gotten herself over the span of her student's training. If she'd been suffering too, she hadn't let on even once. "You can feel it, too, right?" She murmured, "You're more womanly."

"I don't believe that I have changed that quickly-"

"Listen to you! I don't believe~" she held a petite hand to her lips and laughed breathily. "You sound like you have tea with the Emperor at 2pm. What do you say, shall we check in on the boys?"

"No. We shouldn't."

Tira nodded. She'd passed the test.

"Mmm there's a hot spring nearby. Let's celebrate with a late night dip, hm?" 

Angie felt a twinge in her stomach, then again, lower. Tira's eyes sparkled like pools of honey in the golden light of her candelabra as she waited for her response.

Angie let her eyes search her instructor's, tapping her cheek to draw out the moment before finally agreeing. 

"Yes, let's."

[NSFW YURI INCOMING]

The hot water felt like heaven on her weary limbs as she stretched her wings in the deep pool. She sank up to her shoulders in the delicious water, which had been mixed with a fragrant lavender oil at Tira's request. Her hair was free of her usual puffs, the coils tickling her shoulder blades as they soaked up the water.

She felt the urge to swim, but was scared to do anything that might make her seem juvenile enough to be put back in training. Instead, she dunked a cupped hand into the pool and ran it on her face and neck.

"Ahhhh~" she sighed, the last cool air of her lungs escaping into the humid room.

She was alone though, waiting anxiously for Tira to tie up her boundless hair in the changing room so that it wouldn't gain ten pounds in water weight the second she stepped into the pool. It made sense, but Angie watched the door for her anyway, trying her best to suppress the hammer in her chest when the woman finally revealed her naked form.

Her complexion like honey butter all the way down, with not a blemish to be seen, Angie watched Tira slink opposite her into the hottub, her supple curves slicing the water in two. Her large breasts buoyed themselves on the surface, and she stretched her arms above her head in languid yawn that was somehow both sensual and completely self indulgent.

Angie averted her gaze, realizing she'd been staring.

"So you do like women," Tira hummed.

Angie started.

"Yes."

"I love that you give me straight answers now," she smiled, and dimples pricked her cheeks. Did she always have dimples?

"Thank you, sensei"

"You're welcome, darling." The older woman leaned across the water, and her wet cleavage tilted toward her charge. "But I'm still just Tira. We're past all that, remember?"

Angie nodded and Tira slunk to her side, slinging an arm over her shoulder. 

"Although, I would like to call you imouto- chan, if that's okay?"

"It's okay," Angie was painfully aware of Tira's naked thigh pressing against her own under the water.

She refused to meet Tira's questioning gaze. A slow smile spread across the woman's lipstick- stained lips, a mischievous expression taking hold on her face.

"Or would you prefer something else?" 

Her arm dropped. A squeeze on Angie's upper thigh sent her heart racing. Her lungs tightened, and she couldn't breathe. None of it showed on her face.

Angie cut her eyes at the woman experimentally.

"Well, Onii- chan~" she paused, thinking. She took pleasure in Tira's widening eyes.

"Could you call me your pretty bird again?" She whispered after a beat, moving Tira's hand to her narrow waist. She couldn't believe her boldness, and couldn't believe how quickly she'd adapted either.

Tira faced her head on. 

Tira's heart shaped face was framed by long, silky tresses that stuck to her cheeks from the humidity, her large top bun crowning her head in its giant coil. Her long lashes were beaded with water, and her brown eyes glimmered like quartz. The whole image affirmed in Angie's head that her stage name "Empress" was no accident.

"Oh really, you want me to call you Pretty bird?" she sang. She leaned in, and when Angie didn't pull away, she placed a quick, wet kiss on Angie's lips. "Mmm" she licked her lips as if she'd tasted like candy. "Such a pretty bird, my imouto-chan is." She kissed her again. "My pretty, pretty…"

Another kiss, and this time Angie didn't let her pull away.

The women's bodies pressed together in the water, fitting together like the pieces of a puzzle. They drew together like magnets, their soft flesh spreading the oil along each other's skin in ferver as their tongues fought for control in each other's mouths. They haphazardly found their rhythm, Angie's core softening like molten lava at the feeling of Tira's slick treading her thigh.

"God yes~" Tira sighed against her ear as she massaged the girl's breasts on the pool's surface, taking special care around her sore nipples. "You've gotten so bold, noirette." She rubbed the mounds against her own.

Angie whimpered into the hollow of her neck as she licked and bit and kissed her as deep as she dared. She pressed the woman down onto her thigh and rocked, feeling her desire finally begin to flow.

"Onii-chan~" she whined at the feeling of Tira's fingers stroking the base of her wings. She arched her back in pleasure . "T-that feels so- ah!"

"Calling me that right now is dangerous, princess" the woman growled into her open mouth before assaulting it with her own, more hungry, more thirsty than before.

"Ah!" Angie gasped for air in the few gaps the kiss left her to breathe.

Tira ducked below the surface, slurping the girl's peaks into her mouth in one greedy gulp, never slowing her rhythm as she rode her thigh. Instead, she let her legs slide between her own, and let Angie borrow her friction. 

Angie cradled the woman's face in her hands as she suckled her, the pleasure sensors in her nipples sighing in sweet relief. She reached around to grab her ass, gripping the pillowy mounds against her as if for dear life. Tira watched her pupil's desperation build through lowered lashes.

"Brlrbrlm?"

"Hm?" Angie wondered if it was the water muffling Tira or her own thoughts.

Breaking the surface once more, she threw her arms around Angie's neck and pulled her close, letting the water help glide Tira back and forth against the girl's cunt.

"I said, do I feel like you imagined, sweetie?"

Tira peered into Angie's swimming gaze as the girl nodded dreamily. She giggled.

"Tira~" 

"Hm?"

"I'm g-gonna-"

"Awe, already?" She slowed, rolling her hips with the water. "I'm flattered."

She felt the girl shudder from the pleasure. A string of light curses escaped her delicate lips as she pressed Angie against the tub for more pressure, watching closely as her face contorted in desire. She felt the girl trying her best to hold out as she stroked her, and couldn't help but find it adorable.

Angie watched her back in awe with heavy lids as her teacher floated in her vision. Tracing Tira's figure with painstaking adoration, she reached up, tiredly, and thumbed the woman's nipples, lapping them with her tongue as she maintained what she knew would look like doe-eyed wonder. 

Tira's breath hitched, and Angie knew it worked when the woman bit her lip and leaned in to kiss her, deep. She pulled back, looking as though she wanted to devour her.

"God, Angie, is this why those boys are so crazy about you?" She punctuated the question with peck to her nose. "No wonder all these grown men want you. To take good care of you like this."

Pouting, Angie leaned up to graze her jaw with her lips. 

"You're better than any man," she sighed, planting kisses down her neck. She felt, more than heard, Tira moan.

"Awe, sweet baby~"

Smiling, Tira twirled two fingers on the surface of the murky water before using them to gently nudge her thighs aside and access her trimmed pussy.

Teasing her lips apart, Tira inserted them inside, laughing throatily as Angie sucked them in with ease.

"Ngah!" Angie sank down on the digits, rutting against them as they beckoned her forward. She couldn't understand her own thoughts outside of the coil of her teacher's fingers. Dribble poured from her mouth as Tira switched positions, spreading her mount to entrap both of Angie's thighs. 

"This makes you tighter, noirette" she hummed, as if it were a simple lesson in mathematics.

"And this-"

She bounced as she fingered her, the water pressure popping against Angie's clit as it splashed her opening. She cried out at the dual sensations.

"-is how you take advantage of your environment." She nuzzled her cheek, and began sucking on her earlobe.

"H-how are you fucking me with the water?" She gasped, throwing her head back until she saw the steamy ceiling floating above their lustful bubble.

"There's lots of things I can fuck you with, imouto-Chan" she giggled.

The giggle was choked off when Angie dipped forward and forced entry into her mouth, swallowing her lips with a ferver Tira hadn't known she'd had. For a moment they were both under the water, unable to breathe and barely caring. When they broke the surface again, Tira forced Angie to face the wall as she pressed into her ample ass, rebounding off of its ripples until pleasure throbbed in her core.

"Fu-uck!" Angie wailed, gripping the wall. Tira gasped in time with the laps of the water.

"Ah, ah, fuck, little bird…damn you feel like dough…"

With one hand holding her waist in place against her, Tira worked her hand around to Angie's slit, working her fingers in and out of her tightening hole. Angie leaned into her, her hand finding Tira's between the folds of her thighs. She forced her teacher deeper, coaxing a ripple of pleasure through her core.

"Unh~ Tira! " She whined, her cheek pressed flat against the side of the hottub. 

"Yeah?" Tira bit into her neck as she ground herself into her prodigy's plump ass.

Angie surrendered to the feeling of Tira using her body for her own pleasure, doubling over when she felt her teacher take hold of her hips.

"Fuck me, sensei" she whined, "Please?"

"You want me to fuck you baby? You want me to show you how to fuck a woman?" 

"Y-yes," she pleaded.

Angie craned her neck so that she could taste her lips one more time, and found Tira's mouth waiting eagerly for just that. Her teacher slowed, riding her ass in languid strokes as their tongues coiled into each other's mouths. Angie couldn't hold on another moment. She squeezed her thighs together, trapping their fingers, and squirting against her sensei's insistent touch. She gasped into her open mouth, and Tira held her there until she finished.

"Finger me," she purred, licking Angie's essence from her manicure. Angie quickly obliged.

Backing Angie to the wall, Tira rode her pupil's fingers on her own, bobbing in the water as she played with her own stiff peaks. 

As she bobbed, the water lapped across the tub, creating ripples that made the low-lights dance. Angie could see nothing but Tira's slender back, but felt her pleasure in every cell of her form.

Angie felt her own pussy contract again as Tira finally made herself come on her flexing fingers, casting a glance over her shoulder at her student's awed expression.

Tira slowed, holding the digits to her stiff clit as she pursued an even higher peak, forcing Angie to watch her get her nut. Angie couldn't look away.

She wailed as she came again, and again, her eyes rolling as she pinned Angie to the wall. 

"Gah!"

The woman heaved as she slid into the space between Angie's arms, finally resting in the crook of her neck as pleasure broke against their balmy skin. They let themselves stay there for a while, limbs tangled, before one of them finally spoke.

"Fuck." Angie murmured.

Tira pecked her cheek once, then twice. Lingering by her ear, she licked the crown playfully as if she was only getting started. That is, until she pulled away, and floated to the edge of the pool, giggling.

"Wow." Was all Angie could muster.

Tira smiled.

"Mmm. Indeed." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night finally arrived. 

Gojo and Geto stood across from one another on the train as it sped them toward their instructed destination, the Tokyo City Concert Hall. The car was full of salarymen, no doubt on their way home for the night, completely oblivious to the threat that either boy posed to them, or the protection they provided- but what else was new.

The pair found themselves huddled in the farthest alcoves of the rounded train they could get, away from the bustling crowd that would likely ignore them anyway, hoping the sway of the carriage muffled their words.

"I feel like something is up tonight." Geto muttered, half to himself.

"You, me, and the whole dorm. I mean,"  Gojo motioned to the suits the pair had donned in preparation for the night, "who wears these to a booty call?"

Gojo had dressed sharply in a three piece black and alabaster suit, pressed, tailored, and detailed for the night at Tira’s request. He wore a black button down and blazer jacket that matched his hair, the lapels held in place on either breast with blue sapphire pins that had been awarded to him by the Gojo clan at his 16th birthday ritual, marking his maturity and blood connection to the clan. The material of the suit emphasized the bulk he usually obscured in his dark, boxy school uniforms, his broad shoulders and trim waist making the suit look more as if it were wearing him than vice versa. 

Besides the suit, he’d hidden his eyes behind a pair of dark shades a grade nicer than his usual pair, their construction made from carved wood rather than metal, stenciled on the sides with his initials. His cufflinks caught the mechanical light of the train and winked every time he moved, their ore immutable genuine silver. The same was true of the small blue gem he wore in one ear, which Geto had never seen him wear before that night. The only thing about the boy that was recognizable was the tuft of tussled cloud-white hair that sat atop his head.

“When did you get your ear pierced?”

Gojo muttered. 

“Huh?”

“...Mei said it would look good on me.”

Geto scoffed. “Well earrings are my thing so don’t you dare-”

“Dare what? Outdress you?”

The dark haired boy smirked. No way was Gojo outdressing him in that monkey suit.

Geto had cleaned up just as well, his own scarlet and charcoal suit ironed down to the creases the way his mother had shown him, crisped from the top collar to the cuffs of his sleeves. His red satin button down matched the pocket square (which he almost hadn’t found in time) in the lapel of his dark suit, and his black tie had been pinned into place beneath a gold clip with the emblem of a dragon- a gift from his grandfather, as if he’d known about his powers in advance. 

That night, he’d exchanged his usual metal ear gauges for a pair of onyx disks that he’d bought specially for the occasion, and they glinted from his ears with a subtle glossy depth that made him look mysterious. 

Rather than precious jewelry, he’d opted for a more down to earth vibe with black volcanic beads encircling either wrist, stacked around his favorite vintage watch. His black nails had been freshly cleaned, painted, and trimmed.

Finally, not knowing how he should do his hair, he’d opted for his usual clipped bun and bangs, sweeping them away from his face as neatly as he could muster.

“I’ll admit, you look clean, but you look like you’re going to prom.” Gojo shrugged, playfully.

“And you look like you're putting Nana Gojo to rest.”

This stop is Shinjuku City- I repeat, Shinjuku City. Please watch your step. 

The boys ducked under the low- hanging sign to the station’s entrance as they stepped onto the street. They looked left and right, trying their best to not look like fish out of water. 

“I don’t suppose you know how to get there?”

“You went on map quest, right?”

The boys blinked at each other, and face palmed.

This was gonna be a long night.

After a long trek through the darkening streets of Tokyo, as well as several sets of bad directions, Gojo and Geto finally found the grand old building that was to host the variety show that they'd anticipated since Tira's call. 

With the block out front as packed with tough customers as any club, the opera house stood to be used that evening as a cooperative territory for underworld-goers and their business. The boys watched the building light up just as the last light of the day fell, its red carpet unfurled in preparation for the guests that would be stepping through the door any minute.

The large windows of the modern relic stood tall and wide, propositioning onlookers to look into them as if they were the building's eyes. Beyond them was the shimmer of multiple chandeliers, golden wallpaper, and a ceiling painted to put the sistine chapel to shame.

Geto whistled in appreciation. This was where they were meeting them? His thoughts of the weeks before replayed in his mind, where he'd asked Angie on a date after they'd…. 

Well, if this was the first date, what would the second look like? Did this even count as a date?

"Satoru?"

"Yeah?"

"What exactly did your connection intend with us when she asked us to attend this event and- quote- 'bring all the cash in our sock drawer'? "

"Your guess is as good as mine."

"And why don't I get to meet her?"

"She said that she wasn't available to me tonight, but that she wanted to proposition me on something. I don't know. She plays games like this a lot, but this is the most elaborate one yet."

"And why was I involved?" Geto cocked his head, half concerned, half amused.

"Hm. Well she said something about a game that would take both of us? And she obviously knows who you are by name, although…not sure how…" he trailed off, realizing just how little he knew about what Tira had planned for them that night.

"Uhhhuh…and what's stopping me from getting back on the train, Satoru?"

"Because I know she'll be here tonight." Gojo smirked. 

Geto's face fell, and he rubbed the back of his neck. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, don't give me that,'' Gojo nudged him, "she hasn't responded for weeks again, but all of a sudden she did, right? And now you decide to step out with me, because you invited her, right? I'm not as stupid as my last final made me seem, Suguru."

"Well," the dark haired boy grimaced, rubbing his neck even more harshly as if trying to set it ablaze, "you're actually right, minus a few details…" 

"Suguru?"

Geto had stopped his 5am run to respond.

"Raven!"

"Hello! Sorry, can't talk long, or ill get caught. I know this is odd, but will you come to see me dance?"

"Yes! Of course, why would that be weird?"

"Because your friend with the glasses will be there too. The one you were looking for when you…found me"

"...oh. uh, sorry. Why?"

"Because it turns out that I… service him too…and my mentor is putting my services up for auction. Please be sure to win me. See you soon."

The conversation had raised more questions than answers, but after speaking to them both, Suguru knew that whatever the game was, he needed to win.

Geto's jaw muscles worked as he watched Gojo talk absentmindedly about how tight his blazer was on his shoulders. He watched the white haired boy closely, as if seeing him again for the first time.

Traitor.

Woah. Where had that come from?

Gojo turned and was caught off guard by the look in Geto's dark eyes. 

"Woah, man, you okay?"

Suguru averted his gaze. "Yeah, just nervous about seeing her, like you said."

"Well she better get here soon, we're about to head in."

The boys had finally made it to the front of the line, and knew from the moment they'd made eye contact with the doorman that they weren't getting in without a fight.

"Card carriers only" he sneered at the boys down his long, slender nose. 

"That's funny, I believe I carry a card,"

Smiling warmly, Gojo slid his fingers into the folds of his wallet, and withdrew two things- his fake ID, and a black coated metal credit card that weighed far too much for its size. Geto had never seen him use it for anything more than a status symbol, but had a sneaking suspicion that its credit limit was as infinite as its owner's technique.

The Maitre D's eyes sparkled at the sight of the card, and after flicking his eyes between the small rectangle of privilege and the boy wielding it with bright blue eyes, he shifted his gaze to Suguru.

"And you, sir?"

Geto blushed.

Before Gojo could claim him as his companion, the sound of dozens of pairs of clicking heels echoed down the sidewalk, and the boys- along with the other sidewalk dwellers, party-goers, and opera house connoisseurs- turned to see where the sound was coming from.

The first impression of the performers was that of walking art. They moved as one in shimmering outfits, their various props bobbing on their swaying hips and in their slender hands. They looked neither left, nor right, but straight ahead as they bypassed the line of patrons that gawked at their enormous presence.

"Ah, here are the ladies of the auction now."

"Auction?" Gojo questioned, the boys' eyes never leaving the parade of forest nymphs, water lillied- fairies, and exotic looking interpretive dancers.

And among them, they spotted her at once.

Raven wore a black diamond mask, her high cheekbones and lips dusted in a purple-black shade that made her look fierce and siren-like in her expression. Her wings, sprayed in a glittery sheen that made them look like a night sky full of stars, were on full display behind her, catching the attention of every onlooker that had dared to watch her. However, it wasn't just her anthropomorphic traits that had arrested attention.

The girl wore a shortened kimono that had been modified to her shapely body, the hem likely only extending an inch beyond her finger tips.

The thin veil of fabric was imprinted with white cranes and flowers throughout its tight coverage of her rounded hips and bust, rippling with extra fabric in places only to mimic waves on pitch-black water.

Further accentuating her figure was a large black- satin ribbon, encircling her torso and exploding in a bow off of her perky ass, with several strings of tinsel and black coins that protruded from it creating music in time with her walk.

And her walk; she strutted in time with the other dancers on her long, shapely legs, her more-sheer-than-sheer stockings making it look as though her thick thighs had been stuck with precious gems, embedded into her smooth mocha skin as if by magic. 

Her black heels clicked as she marched forward, her hands hidden in the long sleeves of the kimono- the only thing about it that was modest. 

In all her glory, Raven looked like a cross between a porcelain doll and a fallen angel, one that had been brought to life to seek revenge on her maker.

As if feeling their eyes on her, Angie's gaze flitted to the boys at the front of the line, just as she was about to enter the venue. They'd been frozen to the spot by her entrance.

Feeling a swell of pride, she continued to strut and avoid drinking in their looks- there would be time for that later.

That is, until she saw that the bouncer had stopped them at the door.

The girls turned at once to face the crowd, immediately catching the interest of everyone in line.

The parade of women clapped rhythmically three times, before raising their hands, and bowing deeply.

"Meshiagare!"

They repeated themselves in several languages for their foreign guests.

"Bon appetit! Please enjoy!"

And with that, they filed into the venue as fluidly as swans.

"Sir, these are my personal guests." Angie broke from the line of girls and approached the man as the rest of the performers entered, applause at their backs from the line of patrons that had watched their entrance.

Taking the maitre d's elbow in her taloned forefinger and thumb, she stood until the man brought his ear to her lips.

"Empress' request."

"Ah," the man nodded, infinitely more agreeable with her than he'd been with the two boys.

"Follow me." He said, " I have special instructions for you two."

Geto and Gojo shared a look of ultimate confusion, but- to Gojo's disappointment and Geto's painful chagrin- Raven had left in a plume of black ribbon and glitter without sparing them a second glance.

When the boys entered the venue on the trail of yet another host, they couldn't focus their eyes on anything ahead of them; all their attention was reserved for the ceiling, walls, and extremely lively crowd.

The crowd was made up of men and women from several countries and nearly all walks of life- human, half human, or otherwise. The cursed energy they felt wafting from the party goers was almost enough to make them defensive, but was still jovial enough to make them feel at home.

Men in blazers stood in huddles, exchanged business cards, and even played miniature croquette in one corner of the room; their female counterparts floated about on their arms, nodding in time with conversation and punctuating sentences with light laughter.

Before they'd gotten their barings, the host turned to them abruptly at the center of the room.

"Which of you is Suguru?"

The dark haired boy raised two fingers in acknowledgement.

"Raven would like to see you in the hall. And you must be Satoru," the host half asked, half asserted.

Gojo raised his snowy brows expectantly.

"You will be helped shortly. Enjoy the refreshments."

Before Geto could exit, Gojo placed a hand on his chest to stop him.

"Raven?" He asked without facing his friend head on. "That's the name of the girl you're in love with?"

Geto worked to keep his expression neutral. "You know her?"

Gojo didn't respond.

"Be right back" Geto just short of spat.

Gojo watched him go from behind the sheen of his dark shades. He was unsure of just how much Geto knew, but was suddenly very sure that he wouldn't fail this intuition test, when it came to finding out.

A waitress stepped into his line of vision.

"Champagne?"

He hesitated before picking up a long-stemmed flute. He didn't usually need the courage, but he would tonight.

~~~~~

"Mmph!" 

Geto exclaimed when he felt the girl's lips on his the second he stepped into the shadowy alcove off of the main hall.

Separating from his mouth with a small *pop* the girl dug around in her dress until she'd uncovered what she was looking for.

"Here, hurry, take this." Angie shoved a small note card into his hand, glossy and folded over so that he couldn't see what was in it until he opened it.

"I have to explain-"

"Yes. Please."

"Will you let me?"

Geto blinked, his dark eyes trained on nothing but her. His silent answer was loud and clear.

"Okay. Open the card."

He flipped it open. It was blank, save for one thing.

Taped inside the card was a small, black coin the size of a checkers piece. It was waxy and grooved, and opaque as far as he could tell.

"That is the Bidder's coin. Well, no one is supposed to know which of my coins are bidder's coins," she motioned to the remaining coins that encircled her waist and bow, "because not all of them are. There are only three."

Geto's brow crinkled.

"Wai-"

"Not done. No time. As I was saying, this is a bidder's coin." She tapped the card.  "It means that when the time comes, at the end of the night, only those with coins like yours will be allowed to bid for me. It's supposed to be a game of chance, but I need you to win, so I delivered one straight to you."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't-" Angie's eyes were large, round, and wet- "you won't be allowed to see me again."

~~~

In the next room, Gojo had successfully downed two and a half flutes of champagne, and a shot of cognac that had been offered to him by a French sailor. Apparently the French had the best cognac.

"Vous aimez?" The sailor asked, winking.

Gojo shook his head and shrugged.

"I speak Japanese, sorry" he responded, half wondering if the man had really spoken another language, or if he'd already succumbed to the alcohol.

The sailor made an 'aha' nod of the head, and motioned as if taking a swig. He then put his thumbs up and raised his brows in a questioning sort of way.

"Ohh you asked if I like it. Yeah, thanks. I-its strong."

The sailor laughed, clapping a hand on his back. Gojo hoped he'd been understood, but when he was handed another shot, his shoulders sagged. He didn't know if he could handle any more. He was already breaking the rules of his clan- the very rules that had made him an unfortunate lightweight in the first place- and needed to figure out how to say 'no' in French.

The tinkling of a glass quieted the room, and all attention was drawn to a balcony that Gojo hadn't previously noticed was there. A suited man with a long lapel on his jacket, and a slicked ponytail with shaved sides, was clinking his glass with a fork.

"Ah, esteemed guests!"

Gojo scanned the room. All of the guests looked well dressed, but some of them were hardly esteemed by his standards. Some of them looked like bodybuilders that had been painted into suits. And was that the dragon gang in the corner-?

"It is a pleasure to see you all on this hallowed night. As we finish welcoming members from outside, I thought it would be an excellent time to make a toast!"

He raised his glass, and the crowd followed suit.

"To the owners of this opera hall, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for allowing us to host our show- one of talent, valor, and prestige. 

To our girls, thank you for bringing us such a delectable assortment of entertainment to enjoy each year. You are truly the highlight of our dreary yearly toil. 

And to our donors, it is because of your generosity that we feast our eyes, stomachs, and souls on all that our little society offers.

Cheers!"

Gojo's jaw dropped. He would need to take some pointers from this man for his next public speaking class. 

He took a sip from the glass of cognac that had warmed in his clammy hand. At least, he thought he would take a sip, but the glass he drew back was empty. 

Ugh. I need to slow down.

"Now, for the rules of the night!" The man continued, his smile broadening as if the bubbles of his champagne had buoyed his spirit even higher than before.

~~~~~

"So here are the rules" Angie's tearful gaze had Suguru pinned to the wall.

Suguru swallowed fearfully. 

"Go on."

Angie gingerly grabbed at the coins looping her waist.

"These black coins will be distributed to the players on the floor. They are made of plastic and a special kind of wax."

~~~~~

"As the night progresses," the slick haired man boomed, " the wax will melt from the coin, and only plastic will remain. In order for it to melt, you must keep it warm in the palm of your hand."

~~~~~

"When the wax is gone, the other coins will be blank, but yours- and two others- will have a four leaf clover in the center when you hold it to the light."

Suguru held the opaque coin up, picturing the clover as if it had already been revealed.

~~~~~~ 

"And when it is revealed, at the appropriate time, you will ring a bell that will be stored beneath your seat. There will be three ringing bells tonight."

The man poured over the crowd with a sweeping gaze, languishing in the suspense.

"Then" he said finally, "and only then, will the bidding begin."

~~~~~

"And they will bid for me to serve them exclusively until the next game."

Geto felt like he was going to black out.

"Raven, what makes you think I can outbid anyone in there?"

"Because it's rigged. I'm not sure how besides this," she tapped the coin again, "but my sensei says that this is necessary for us to continue to see each other. I'm s-s-sorry-" Angie bit her lip.

"I promise it will be okay," she continued, "it's just that…well…I didn't know if you would do this for me."

Geto's stomach did a flip at the sight of the gorgeous girl on the verge of years.

"H-hey," he reached out a hand to sweep away one of her tears before it could streak her painstakingly applied makeup.

"Its gonna be okay. If this is what it takes, I'll do it. You did say that this was complicated for you, right? Let's make it uncomplicated."

He grabbed her hands in his and kissed them. 

"I'm gonna win. And when I do, you're gonna tell me your name, hm?"

The dark fae smiled.

"Deal."

~~~~~~~~

Gojo's attention was drawn to the door as it swung open to reveal Raven, but not his best friend. Raising a brow, he scanned the crowd to see if he could pick up his cursed energy, but it was nowhere to be found.

His eyes returned to Raven as she mingled with the crowd, the patrons bombarding her for a closer look, and eventually, a coin from her dress. She giggled as she swam her way through the thickening attention.

"Let her breathe!" The man called playfully from the balcony. "She still has to dance!"

Should I ask her where he went?

Still searching, he didn't realize he'd lost sight of the girl until she was tapping his shoulder.

"Gojo! You made it!"

He turned and looked down into her face, smiling.

"Angie!"

"Shhh! They can't know my real name here. Call me Raven."

Oh yeah, Raven.

"Want a coin?" She grinned, offering him a plastic disk from her dress.

"Uh, no, I don't think I'll be playing." He shook his head, making his vision blur for a moment. "I did want to ask you something though-"

“Are you Satoru?”

The pair turned to see yet another plain-vested host, this one with an odd birthmark in the middle of his forehead. 

“Uhh- why, yes, I am.”

“I have instructions to show you to your box ahead of the show.”

“Oh wow, box seats Gojo?” Raven’s eyes danced in delight. “You and your friend are gonna have some of the best seats in the house!”

Gojo’s brow furrowed, “Oh, wow. I didn’t even know I had those.”

The waiter shook his head. “Empress’ request.”

Damn, Tira, Gojo smirked, Little prince indeed.

“Oh, sure. Let me just get my friend-”

“Your friend has his own box.” The man quipped, matter-of-factly.

“Uh, oh, okay. Well, can I go find him anyway?”

“This will only take a moment, sir, then you can do as you wish.”

Raven nudged him. “I think Geto is in the alley just outside the back door, if you want to find him after. I have to go, but I really hope you guys enjoy!”

And with that, just like at the door, Raven disappeared with her ribbons streaming behind her.

Gojo grimaced. 

“Well, okay. Lead the way, my man.”

After several rounds of winding steps, Gojo was shown to a velvety box that already sat several other high-brow looking guests. Their chatter was light and stopped only when he entered. It was dark, so he couldn’t tell how many there were, but they all gawked at him as if he were the first entree of the night.

“Uh, hello.” He bowed.

He could tell by the chuckles that several of them weren’t japanese. A woman snapped open her fan and hid her face.

“Oookay.”

“Your seat, sir.” 

Gojo followed the tall, slender man to the banister that overlooked the venue, where a line of chairs waited. At the head of the line was a velvet chair, and on it sat an envelope with his name on it.

“Enjoy the show.” The host swept away.

Gojo scanned the chair before retrieving the card and turning it over. Attached to it was a small black coin, and a few words written in a gorgeous script that could only have been Tira’s.

“Fate finds those who do not choose their destiny, little prince.” he read aloud.

“Do with this what you will.”

[TO BE CONTINUED]

[karniss-bg3]

Well since we’ve started speculatin’ already—- what do you think a good Kar’niss companion quest would be? Finding memories of who he used to be? Exacting revenge as well? Maybe just coming to accept himself and calm the eff down through FRANDSHIP. Maybe his whole quest is just slowly learning to trust tav more until completely aligning his goals with theirs (so if ur dark urging he will twitchily ask when it’s time to kill somethin; if you are not he wants to be a good nice boy).

There are lots of directions to take Kar'niss in. For the sake of time I'll focus more on the "good" paths as I think the bad are easier to predict.

-His top priority would be finding a way to undo his transformation. His drider shape is arguably very cool but it's not comfortable. Driders are in constant pain, not to mention it'd be hell on earth trying to fit into surface society looking as he does. What if Tav is a shorter lived race? Drow can live for up to 750 years and we have no idea how old Kar'niss is. If Tav dies and Kar'niss is still a drider, who will be left to protect him from dark entities that would use him for coin or other means? So I think from a storyline standpoint, that'd likely be Kar'niss' main goal.

-Another option is, as you mentioned, revenge. If Tav breaks him from the Absolute's hold and he realizes that he's been used he will become enraged and gung-ho to take them out.

-The third, which can run in conjunction with the other two, is healing his broken mind. I've mentioned this before but I don't believe Kar'niss can ever fully recover. It's simply not how trauma works. People may find ways to cope, to go on with their lives and maintain a speck of normalcy, but the damage is already done. He will have bad days, he may even continue to have psychotic breaks that Tav will have to find ways to work around. That doesn't mean his situation is hopeless of course. He'll still be grateful to have some sense of autonomy returned to him, to have someone close by that loves him for who he is, flaws and all. In return Tav gains someone who is incredibly loyal and affectionate, a protector and a confidant.

His is, like most of the companions, a sad case. I feel like BG3's main theme is about different kinds of trauma and how people cope. It's a nice narrative through-line and Kar'niss is primed to be included in the growing list of sad meow meows folks keep running into.

Thanks for the ask!

[mememanufactorum]

Badger’s Best of 2023 sentence starters

* FEEL FREE TO SHARE AS YOU PLEASE, NO CREDIT NEEDED. CHANGE PRONOUNS OR ANYTHING ELSE AS DESIRED

All lines are from this video created by TheRussianBadger.

"I ACTUALLY EARNED ONE, MOTHERFUCKERS!"

"Those noises that were coming out of you were inhuman."

"You ever had a hotdog burger before?"

"You did NOT just come up with that word."

"I need to know if this was a riff or if this was an actual meal."

"I heard the word 'hotdurger' unprovoked."

"Dudes with nut allergies when I hit them in the head with a brick."

"YOU DIDN'T JUJU ON THE FUCKIN' BEAT."

"I don't misinform. I just lie."

"Did you just punch someone for all their coins?"

"I don't know, just blow 'em all up, I don't care."

"I just fucken hate you."

"STOP BLINDING ME, YOU ASSHOLE! I CAN'T SEE, YOU GOBLIN!"

"To the charge of wire fraud, you are pleading 'nuh-uh'?"

"Your honor, shut the fuck up. You wasn't even there."

"This conversation sounds like four raccoons with internet access."

"You wanna know how I got these GAINS?"

"I was driving through upstate New York and I saw a Tesla with the license plate 'I'M HIM'."

"That license plate made me laugh so hard that I walked up to his window and put a 12-gauge slug in his chest."

"You got me fucked up bro, I can't believe you would question if I'm real."

"Here's a picture of my nuts."

"Those are gonna be my dying words to my wife: I just want you to know… PS3 has no games."

"Chimichangas are a CIA psyop."

"If you put me in the cockpit of an apache I will Kevin Gates, put my hand on the dashboard, and start it."

"Boy I love having something with none of the same consistency as anything else in my sandwich in my sandwich."

"Dude I definitely love biting into my sandwich and then leaving with an entire pickle slice in my mouth."

"Own a musket for home defense since that's what the founding fathers intended."

"I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grapeshot. Tally ho, lads!"

"Well it's just straight up racism, and it's not even like an occasional racism, it's like, this is full blast firehose racism."

"It's the floodgate of racism! The Big Gulp of racism!"

"This shit will turn your pacemaker off."

"I point blanked that shit with a panzerfaust."

"Me going to Arby's after losing a $50,000 Marvel vs Capcom tournament."

"Me walking to the fridge to get my five day old caesar salad."

"Fresh caesar salad, already not a good start. Five days, dog."

"How does that predator missile work? Oh, you just go NYOOOOOOM."

"This Nyquil beatin' my ass, that is not THAT funny but, like, I can't stop laughing!"

"Y'all just verbally buzzered that man."

"I stole your girl, I stole your whip, I stole your shoes."

"You cannot land a KC-135 in a Kroger parking lot."

"As someone who lives in Tennessee, you can land a KC-135 in a Kroger parking lot."

"That's how I'm going to describe the size of our parking lots to Europeans without internet connections. We can land that in our parking lots."

"I call that my main menu tax."

"Bro, I can't hail a cab in Detroit for shit, bro."

"First bullet, Toyota Tacoma be like 'I ain't hear NOTHING. Y'all hear something?' Second bullet? Legalize nuclear bombs."

"Your voice literally has to wait in line to be heard."

"I'm gonna bomb your trailer park."

"Don't take advice from the dead guys."

"Smoking on that diabolical arch-necromancer pack. Those who don't ball would do well to steer clear."

"Do you know the word 'whermst'?"

"It's like where and for what purpose and why. Location, reason, background context in one word: Whermst."

"Did he just prefire me? Bro, go to jail."

"That's your first option for recourse?"

"Alcatraz, we ain't talking county jail. You're getting in there with the dementors."

"Stop calling the 3D avatar mommy."

"How do they fit this many flares in an airplane? It makes no sense. It's like a clown car but for fireworks."

"I'M SCREAMING ABOUT IT MOTHERFUCKER, STOP!"

"Hey what's up guys? I just bought a 1911 at a Red Lobster parking lot, AMA."

"Just kill me. Just take me to heaven. Just… Take me out of this reality."

"Heaven? BITCH, YOU GOING TO HELL!"

"Hey, fuckin' imagine getting friendly fired by a .50 BMG. Imagine."

"My client pleads oopsie-daisy."

"I'm sorry that your dog is not going to college now."

"Ay you ain't on your grind, son. You ain't on your bag."

"No one's Batman impression is bad."

"You sound like you're in an alley with a trench coat, what the fuck?"

"Oh my God, his Scooby-Doo villain is coming out again."

"Are you repairing our conversation?"

"Why is 'slime' such a funny yet affectionate nickname?"

"Get the fuck out of our shower."

"Why can't we just share the shower?"

"Enemy. Man. 300 meters. North. Fast. Fast. Fast."

"Fun fact: The TSA allows you to bring a live lobster through security."

"I myself have brought 432 lobsters through security."

"THAT'S THE FOURTH TIME YOU'VE SHOT ME!"

"SHUT UP! YOU JUST HAPPEN TO BE WHERE MY BULLETS ARE!"

"All units, be advised: My stummy hurt."

"Homie got the dog in him with that one."

"Pulled pork? Yeah I cranked my hog today too."

"How blessed are we that I can just log on to YouTube and the first video I see is 'Master Chief teaches you how to change the oil on your 2006 Nissan Murano'?"

"That went from 'funny' to 'demonitized'."

"If your state has 90 degree corners, you probably eat corn syrup on your pancakes."

"Why do you always say 'theoretically' and it's not at all theoretical?"

"You have the world's WORST EVERYTHING."

"My boy got the object permanence of a frog."

"That boy cooked the most rare steak."

"I gotta use the bathroom or something, bro. I gotta go to college or something. I can't be with these motherfuckers."

"He went behind the tree and my brain was like 'WHERE'D HE GO?'"

"Somebody buy me a stat reset, PLEASE!"

"You should not be legally allowed to commit crimes if you're listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd."

"I'm on my Super Mario Sunshine shit."

"Are you barking at me?"

"You might wanna be a LITTLE shidded right now."

"I'd trust Gengar with my kid."

"I didn't know he was chill like that."

"No. We are not putting a controller around somebody's neck and twisting it. It's a wireless controller, you can't even do that."

"And 45 is just a caliber."

"Ranch was made by California to keep the Midwest fat because they're scared of our power."

"I refuse to believe that Kranch is real."

"Alignment charts are for the governable. I grow corn in my yard."

"Tell me the name of God you fungal piece of shit."

"I'm pretty sure that was the most sacrilegious shit I've heard in my life."

"I will pass that to the higher ups – parentheses: I do not give a shit."

"This is getting a little too fast for my brain."

"You fuckers are at a pie eating contest and I'm just like, nah son. Free pie."

"I'm about to hit 'em with the Glock-no-jutsu, on God, bro."

"Regretting a free purchase is crazy."

"THEY'RE JUST POLYGONS!"

"I've had people call me things that I wouldn't even dare say to myself."

"Take five 5-Hour Energies and enter the forbidden hour of the day."

"Those responses do not surprise me at all. I definitely expected that kind of language."

"Bro, it's goof-a-clock right now."

"The moon already isn't real."

"You think I can't kill a fuckin' banana?"

"That was a little too much rage for a potassium transportation device. I didn't mean it. You full of electrolytes."

"I'm gonna eat pizza because I like the sauce on the pizza with the cheese on the pizza."

"I could not have killed him any harder."

"Don't make me make you say some out of pocket shit."

"I've been saying out of pocket shit all day."

"By sheer artillery alone, we should have tunneled our way to Atlantis by now."

"Yo, I don't know the Tom & Jerry lore, fuck you!"

"What if you wanted to go to heaven but God said to you, 'WE'RE GONNA TRY THIS WEEK'S CRUMBL COOKIE MENU'?"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE TINNITUS, WHAT?"

"Is this like punching someone in the dark? Is it like a legal loophole?"

"There's only one of me in all the world. I am one in a krillion."

"If you're a chest sleeper, you're just a fuckin' psychopath, alright?"

[trashcanfills]

Genshin Impact x Reader - Being an absolute Genius Invocation TCG nerd

Feat. Itto, Cyno (of course), and Kaeya because those are the ones I know who are into the game. Can be seen as mostly platonic but I added a bit of optional romance headcanons at the end for each character. Reader here is gender-neutral.

Ok so I’m getting some brain worms today in the form of the genius invocation tcg event like bruh

As someone who loves the card game and gets REALLY into it, can you imagine a reader agt the genshin cast while playing? Reader who’s such a dedicated player that they know the strats, the meta, and different deck playstyles. Reader who goes to the Cat’s Tail to hang out with fellow players and duels them on the daily enough that they have a reputation for being a pro.

It would be even more hilarious if they don’t exactly advertise this hobby (cough obsession) at all to anyone else outside the game, but the moment someone engages them in a duel or they go into places like the Cat’s Tail where many other players gather, or they attend any tcg related event? They go hardcore mode.

Itto sees you buying the latest tcg cards and he saunters up to you, bragging about how good he is at the game in an attempt to impress you lmao. Your curiosity is piqued and thus decide to challenge Itto for the funsies. At that, the oni is all “ho ho ho sure but don’t get too upset when I win, alright?”

Except you wipe his deck off the floor and Itto is. Flabbergasted while you try not to laugh too hard at his reaction. Like bruh even his gang spectating the duel had lost their hopes of their boss winning at all when they witness how outmatched Itto is against you the whole game. Itto’s character cards are all gone and yet only ONE of your character cards has taken some damage. That’s how skewed the matchup was.

Of course, as it is with Itto, expect him to challenge you again and again until he gets a win. In the meantime, you start coaching Itto about the game more, help to optimise his deck, and point out his mistakes and what he could have done better. Itto is an eager student and is in awe when you explain the strats and reasoning behind them. Itto isn’t exactly the brightest but damn even he can see that you know what the fuck you’re doing (if he’s crushing on you he’ll think that’s hot af. You’re so amazing?? And he gets to learn and spend time with you hehe totally not part of his master plan to get closer to you).

The moment Cyno notices you have a tcg deck, he’s going to immediately challenge you. Cyno goes all out and dramatic in calling out his challenge, as how it’s done in those card game medias. He absolutely HAS to battle any fellow tcg player since he’s that hardcore of a tcg nerd. The two of you will eventually engage in a duel (if you’re in a public place, expect to attract a LOT of attention because Cyno is too well known as the general mahamatra AND a proud tcg gamer). The man even narrates some of his actions while playing since he’s that much of a fucking dork. How adorable.

It’s a tense yet action-packed match. Cyno is a very good player, but evidently so are you. Spectators (if you guys are somewhere public) are starting to exchange bets on who would win. No one knows who’s going to come out on top because the two of you are so evenly matched that it could go either way. Cyno has that determined glint in his eyes as he figures out ways to beat you, yet somehow you anticipate his strategy and neutralise it, and vice versa.

Regardless of who wins though, it’s by a close margin. Cyno extends an invitation to play more matches with you whenever he’s free. How could he not when he just had the most thrilling duel of his life? You take up on his offer, since there are few players who can go toe-to-toe with you, and you can recognise that Cyno is a fellow tcg nerd like you. Boy, you two are going to get along so well. I can imagine both of you having conversations about the card metas and deckbuilding, which can sound like absolute nonsense to anyone who isn’t as hardcore abt the game. (And if Cyno has a crush on you, rip Tighnari because he has to witness the man blunders about in trying to earn your affections - keyword: TRY - and the fennec fox hybrid facepalms when Cyno keeps using tcg as a incredibly convenient excuse to hang out with you. For love of Lesser Lord Kusanali-)

Kaeya somehow picks up the fact that you’re into tcg (even if you don’t bring it up to him at all, he will know thanks to his ability to get others to share info with him, and some ppl might have mentioned you being an absolute BEAST at the game). So what does he do about it? Bring it up to you, of course, and ask if you wanna play a round or two.

Note that Kaeya isn’t a full-on hardcore nerd about the game. That’s not his thing. He doesn’t exactly know the ins and outs of the cards, but he has an incredibly strategic mindset that helps him beat most players. How else do you think he got to the final round in the tcg event competition? Still, Kaeya is absolutely intrigued when you match up against him, and said intrigue increases when you’re clearly winning. Seems like it’s true when he heard those rumors of you being an expert in tcg. He’s full on smirking when you beat him, and he claps slowly while congratulating you on your win and complimenting your skills (yet with the way he’s acting, it seems like he’s won somehow).

After that match, Kaeya will occasionally play a few rounds of tcg with you in his free time. I mean, he gets to sharpen his mind, hang out with you, gain information and be entertained. An all-round plus in his book. (And if somehow Kaeya has feelings that a biit more than platonic towards you, he’s going to use tcg as a way to get closer to you. Heck, he might even start paying closer attention to your tips and strategies to formulate a game plan. Be wary if he makes a bet with you through tcg, cus that means he’s got something planned. And if he happens to win the game and the bet? Well, hope you don’t mind doing a favor for him in the form of a kiss, maybe even a dinner date.

[bwaldorf]

ramasha do you have any bollywood movie recs?? 🎤

omgggg em im so honored you thought of me!! 🫶🏼🩷

tbh i've sorta been on a journey of watching more bollywood (and south asian cinema in general), since there was a huge chunk of my life where i just never really kept up with releases and was sorta discouraged from watching it so my taste isn't the Most diverse (in terms of genres and years) but i'm working on it 😭 that said, here's my attempt at giving you a lot of different options, so hopefully there's something here that strikes your fancy hehe :3

lots will be under the cut bc im a huge YAPPER.... sorry. also, some of these haven't really aged that well and are sometimes more of just a nostalgic fav and/or ones i think are iconic so... take some of these recs with a grain of salt

some of my bigger personal faves:

om shanti om (2007) — it may hit more if you have a bit more exposure to bollywood cinema and its industry bc it references it a lot, but i still think it's an enjoyable movie regardless! (yes i am biased bc this is one of my fav bollywood movies ever + a huge nostalgic fav. plus SRK and deepika padukone.. can't go wrong there!)

haider (2014) — this movie is SOOOO good! i highly rec it 💞 it's an adaptation of hamlet, set within the backdrop of the 1995 kashmir conflicts. this is actually a part of trilogy of shakespeare adaptations by the director: the other two are maqbool (2003) which is macbeth and omkara (2006) which is othello

main hoon na (2004) — another SRK nostalgic fav

ghajini (2008) — it rips off christopher nolan's memento but i think it adds a lot of its own stuff too and i have a soft spot for it 😭

andhadhun (2018)

kahaani (2012)

tumbbad (2018)

amar singh chamkila (2024)

3 idiots (2009) — the most likely one that non regular bollywood watchers will know and deservedly so imo

gully boy (2019)

hum saath saath hain (1999) — okay not objectively the best movie.. but its a hugely nostalgic and comfort movie for me and i think its great if you wanna watch something that's heartfelt and doesn't have a ton of high stakes conflict

maine pyar kiya (1989) — same as above ☝🏼 i watched this one a lot as a kid

jab we met (2007)

devdas (2002) — worth it for at least the beautiful cinematography, costumes, and gorgeous talented cast

fanaa (2006) — plot is kinda messy at times but it was a real angst machine for me as a kid 😭

photograph (2019)

sir (2018)

bulbbul (2020) — tw for a rape scene though. sorry for the spoiler but it was genuinely really harrowing for me to watch so i think its important to mention

misc other movies i've seen:

qala (2022)

dil bole hadippa! (2009) — admittedly, i haven't rewatched this one in a long time so i can't totally say it holds up. it's a rip-off of she's the man, but … better….. TO ME. yes im speaking from nostalgia bc this is the one i saw first

badhaai do (2022) — this is technically a 'sequel' to the similarly titled movie badhaai ho (2018) but they're actually total standalones

gangubai kathiawadi (2022) — i have such mixed feelings about this one but it's a movie that really stuck with me ever since i watched it soooo yeah

raees (2017) — SRK looks unbelievably fine in that movie. need i say more?

koi mil gaya (2003) — it's a mix of both ET and close encounters of the third kind... but in my very biased, nostalgic opinion: better 🫣 there's also a few sequels, but i only really remember seeing krrish (2006)

josh (2000) — another entry to the SRK looks super gorgeous in this movie 😭 this is basically a desi west side story

go goa gone (2013) — not the best to me, but its a bollywood zombie movie! which was a very new concept to me in that industry so ofc i had to throw it in there

chennai express (2013)

mohabbatein (2000)

dilwale dulhania le jayenge (1995) — had to include this for SRK reasons and also bc it's a massively impactful movie in the industry so i'd be remiss not to

andaz apna apna (1994)

ek ladki ko dekha toh aisa laga (2019)

jaane tu.. ya jaane na (2008)

aaja nachle (2007)

munna bhai mbbs (2003)

gangs of wasseypur - part 1 (2012) — i've only seen the first one in this series but if you want a somewhat slower, meditative, gangster movie this one def fits the bill

what's your raashee? (2009) — can't remember how well this ages (i think it was pretty mid?) but the concept is fun! priyanka chopra plays 12 girls: each personifying a different zodiac sign as the main guy tries to find his soulmate 😭

taare zameen par (2007) — you'll also see this listed as 'like stars on earth' sometimes

amar akbar anthony (1977)

don (2006) — villainous SRK? sign me up! he actually has multiple movies where he's this sorta antihero/"antivillain" type character. and even a few where he's a straight-up villain. i've been trying to get through all of those bc i just love his range

anjaam (1993) — an example of the aforementioned thing ☝🏼 SRK plays a genuinely terrible guy here, and i love how it actually challenges a lot of the tropes that bollywood tends to use in its romances and shows how creepy and stalkerish they actually are (despite it being typically framed in the narrative otherwise)

partner (2007) — i recently found out it was basically ripping will smith's hitch 😭 i haven't seen that one so i can't say which is better, but if you enjoyed that one, you'll probably be into this one too. it's very unserious and not the Best. but i watched it a lot as a kid

aaja nachle (2007)

roadside romeo (2008) — okay this is a very unserious, low budget animated movie rec. it's soooo so silly and dumb but if you're in the market for smth like that, this is an amusing one for that

welcome (2007) — i gotta rewatch this one bc i don't remember a lot but it seems like a lot of tomfoolery and shenanigans

my name is khan (2010) — another one i gotta rewatch for its politics but i figured i'd throw it in regardless

black (2005)

kal ho naa ho (2003)

kuch kuch hota hai (1998)

sholay (1975)

hungama (2003)

some from my watchlist that i haven't seen yet:

(as if this list needed to be any longer.... but anyways! including these bc i think they seem promising/interesting and i think they introduce More variety of genres/time periods than the ones before)

ijaazat (1987)

thappad (2020)

udaan (2010)

merry christmas (2024)

chhoti si baat (1976)

hindi medium (2017)

the lunchbox (2013) — heard LOTS of good things about this one!

lipstick under my burkha (2017)

neerja (2016)

queen (2014)

rajnigandha (1974)

kaagaz ke phool (1959)

anand (1971)

paheli (2005) — it's a mainstream bollywood remake of duvidha (1973)

baadshah (1999)

monica, o my darling (2022)

madhumati (1958)

raaz (2002)

satya (1998)

highway (2014)

oh darling! yeh hai india! (1995)

pyaasa (1957)

sardar udham (2021)

awaara (1951)

shree 420 (1957)

kaminey (2009)

mahal (1949)

chandigarh kare aashiqui (2021)

bunty aur babli (2005)

talvar (2015)

duplicate (1998)

lootera (2013)

mughal-e-azam (1960)

baazigar (1993)

trapped (2017)

fire (1996) — a hugely significant movie in explicitly showing a wlw relationship in bollywood. i believe it was the first in that regard?

stree (2018)

piku (2015)

english vinglish (2012)

umrao jaan (2006) — there's also an earlier version of this movie with the same title that came out in 1981! i haven't seen either yet so i can't say which is better

jodhaa akbar (2008)

darr (1993) — big movie for villain SRK enthusiasts if that interests you too like it does me 🤭

zindagi na milegi dobara (2011)

dil dhadakne do (2015)

dear zindagi (2016)

special 26 (2013)

badla (2019)

mardaani (2014)

raman raghav 2.0 (2016)

peepli live (2010)

drishyam (2015)

[woodlaflababab]

A rant on Aang being fed, this is half serious half a joke

Starting with the Headband episode where they go to a restaurant that is specifically for meat (as we hear Aang say 'oh, we're going to a meat place?' and based on how he doesnt join them, the place doesnt have any other options) despite 1/4 of their group being vegetarian.

And if that wasnt bad enough, when they brush off Aang, Aang says, and I quote

"I'll just get some lettuce out of the garbage."

And they accept this???? And leave him??? They don't act like this is exactly out of the ordinary? How often is Aang going dumpster diving for food???? Like, what a weird fucking throw away line.

And then

What was he eating during the painted lady episode? Bc all sokka was buying was poisoned fish and clams. I hope they just, had rations, and they were just,,,, choosing to eat poison fish instead of said rations, bc the alternative, is Aangs been on his own foraging plants around a dead river for however many days they were there. Katara over here extending their stay like, hell yeah pop off katara, save those people, but also, she had to know Aang didn't have shit to eat right???? Aang’s not eating the berries, wtf is he eating? Katara you found edible berries? And didn't tell Aang?????

And I don't remember him complaining abt any of this, like, kid, child, you are in one of the most rapid stages of growth and are doing the physical work of mASTERING THREE ELEMENTS IN NINE MONTHS, sustenance is, in fact, a necessity

Catch anti-aang ppl coming out here and saying Aang should've just stopped being so picky, that if he really wanted to eat, he'd have eaten what was available and how the others aren’t responsible for making sure he's fed. That sounds exactly like some shit anti aangers would say.

And you know who it also sounds like? SOKKA

MY BOY

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS

He looks at the vegetarian whos a vegetarian bc of his dEAD CULTURE/RELIGION and goes "just stop being vegetarian :) even the meat here eats meat :)"

Sokka I love you, but omg I want to punt you across a courtyard

Im sorry, but if my friend were to come up to me like "I'm a vegetarian, have been my whole life, it's the way a lot of my culture does things, its something I learned from family and friends who are all now dead" I'd be half tempted to become vegetarian myself just out of solidarity. Is that just me? Am I just gung ho on friendship? Hello? 

Also, fuck you @ bumi throwing a fowl leg at him knowing hes uncomfortable with touching meat. Theres gotta be better ways to prove hes an airbender than making him panic by throwing a dead animals leg at him

Justice for Aang man, feed the poor kid.

[herotome]

Devlog #119

HOO boy. Hi-ho, Wudge here. Happy Halloween, everybody!

I've been doing... a lot. Namely;

Putting together a bunch of graphics in preparation for the demo's release. Why did I plan for so many graphics??? So many......

The voiced Griffin video is... done. Finally.

The only reason I'm not posting it now is because I promised I'd have a release date when Griffin starts blinking. And, ladida, Griffin is gonna be blinking a-plenty in the video. There's a small handful of things I wanna square away before settling on a date. But we're getting there!!!

I've just finished putting in a bunch of achievements into the game using Fenik's very cool renpy achievement code! 26 achievements in total! I haven't tested them yet, but they're all in there!!!

Well... Okay I did test this one haha.

I added all my final writing edits into the code.

I updated the presentation of two small moments ("Two Days Later" + the bit about right clicking to save the game)

resized a couple of backgrounds

Touched up the title screen logo (there were stray white lines and spots on it for some reason)

removed dissolve from katie head tilt transitions

raised the height of the middle menu choice option by a bit

linked ambient loops (such as purring and traffic) to SOUND channel, rather than music

updated the code to unlocked all the locked choices if you beat the demo once

color corrected the achievement label text

updated the 'achievement' section of the walkthrough (walkthrough is now tentatively done.)

I made and imported an sfx for a high five.

Ah... hmm. That about does it for now.

🎉Poll results🎉 btw: looks like most of yall have been around since 2021-2022! Thank you to everyone who participated, and to everyone following along on our lil super journey. 😊

Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

[nebulousbrainsoup]

Hello beautiful 💖

Congrats on the 300 followers i hope mor growth and joyful time for you with everyone here 💖

I'm here for ateez hard hour it's going to be long so be ready please

* English is not my first or second language 😬 so expect a lot of mistakes

🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴

Mingi had missed you severely he missed everything about you your voice , scent warmth and the most your touch on his body

He couldn't stop thinking about you and what you can do to him in his way home

The moment he arrived mingi immediately go to find you in the living room seating and reading a book

He walk to you and seat on the floor making himself comfortable between your legs

He said i miss you so much Love

You put your book aside and cup his cheek gently oh i missed you so much princess

You can see hos ears turning red and you lean in to kiss him hungry he looks overwhelming cute and you to consume all of him

A soft moans skipped his lips between your feverish kisses

You pointed out for him to seat on your lap come here my princess

He did and the size difference between you is big , funny thing no one will believe this huge man is full at your mercy , this is your secret to enjoy

You rested your hands by his hip and said do you want me to touch you sweetie he noded his head but you don't like it , princess use your words or i will not move a finger

Mingi stutter with his words and his cheeks are dusted with red color , please make love to me i need you

You could hold back anymore and kissed him once again but this time you bite his juicy lips at the end of the kiss and get down to his neck and started to kiss bite and leaving your mark on his neck

I won’t apologise for marking you up everyone should know you’re mine

You moved your hands under his t-shirt to his nipples you slowly started brushing the nipples lightly with the tips of your fingers you will take it slow so you don't overwhelme him slowly but surely you start adding pinching , squeezing and flicking what made mingi shatter between your hands

His moans whimpers are getting louder and louder you start move your thighs against his herd dick , he tryed to muffle his voice loud cry by hiding in your neck so you softly whisper in his ears , let me hear your beautiful voice princess

Mingi stopped muffling is sweet moans and you enjoying the lovely melody he made just for you

He continued to humping your thigh that your notice his gray pants get a small wet spot because of his per-cum

Stay still don’t move your hips , but he didn't listen to you so you pulled his hair with your left hand Enough , stand up and follow me to the bad room I’m going to fucking ruin you for real tonight don't even dream about getting any mercy.

🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴

I really hope this wasn't to much i was having mingi brain roten for very long time

Thanks for reading beautiful 💖

NSFW; mdni; song mingi x reader

ohhhhhh my GOD nonnie, this is so hot i'm— UGH. it was absolutely not too much and absolutely my pleasure so read!!

there's just something so perfect about the way sub!mingi would melt for you and only you. he'd be so pretty all flushed pink and writhing under you, but he's such a good boy, so taking what he wants is absolutely not an option. he knows he can overpower you with a quick twist of his hips, but there's something so perfect about how humiliating it is when he nearly cums in his pants like a teenager

and god, he nearly trips on his feet trailing after you like a lost puppy, mouth watering at the prospect of what the night holds.

[neosaneo]

fields of mistria compliment sandwich

+ADORABLE birds

+fishing is fun

+Very pretty love interests 😍

+ I like the girls oh ho ho laugh it's fun

-lag

-where to buy things was a bit difficult at first

-map doesn't tell you what the buildings are

-cant hold button to quickly plant or mine rocks

-cutscene heavy. I would've preffered to manually jump across the river in the beginning

-every map is 2x too big

-which causes lag

-characters say <Your name> a lot. Way too much. They used it four times in a conversation while barely saying each other's name

-options for dialogue aren't freaky enough, I should've been able to worry that boy with my bug love

-the character boops sound too much like breathing. In undertale it was done to set the creepypasta atmosphere but in here it feels like I need an option to disable it lol

+blonde girl has a fucked up sleep schedule so I can say hi to her every night

+music is nice

+I like the character maker, nice options. Also everybody having the same doe sprite means that your farmers body type can be whatever you want without having to make new sprites

+premise is funny

+Also love the map of people in the... Map. And the little grey blobs of unmet townsfolk

+I like the punishment for not sleeping

+colors are excellent

+I like that there's been progress made!! And I can play it!!!!!!! Cannot overstate how excited I am for the full release!!!!!!!