#and how important it is to communicate that with a partner
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how to use astrology to create a dating profile that attracts a long-term relationship
last week i posted about how i chose which dating apps i'd use. this week, i’m diving into the fun part: actually building my profiles. naturally, i’m turning to astrology for assistance. use the basics! your big 6 already say so much about who you are and what you want in love. you don’t need to overthink it. this post is kind of a messy brainstorm - a little info dump to start shaping my actual profiles.
paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu
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asc - how others are likely to see you
pisces (12°, 24°) rising: my photos should lean into my soft side. maybe some artsy photos if i can find them.
sun - who you are
8h scorpio (8°, 20°) sun: i'm deep, honest, and a bit self-possessed. i know who i am and often i don't feel the need to explain it. thus, i don't often overshare.
moon - how you love and what you need to feel safe
8h scorpio (8°, 20°) moon: i need emotional security. i show love through vulnerability and unwavering loyalty. however, i do tend to be emotionally self-protective... i need someone who won't run when things get tough. they are okay with some ups and downs - they want to stick with with me even in those moments. nothing is ever surface level!
mercury - what communication works best for you
8h scorpio (8°, 20°) mercury: depth and honesty are of the utmost importance to me. it's also important that me and whoever can share the same emotional space. i don't trust easily but when i do - intimacy just happens.
venus - what you value in a partner
9h sagittarius (9°, 21°) venus: i want someone who is able to teach me new things and who wants to explore with me as well. i want someone who values freedom and truth, yet shares my ideals.
mars - how you pursue what you desire and how you express your desire
7h virgo (6°, 18°) mars: i should pursue people with sincerity, care, and attention to detail. everything should be with intentionality and precision. i express my desires by preforming acts of service, showing up consistently, and just being thoughtful.

please let me know if you all enjoyed this - i could do another some other time with a new theme! have ideas for new content? please use my “suggest a post topic” button!
return to nox's guide to metaphysics
return to the masterlist of natal observations
© a-d-nox 2025 all rights reserved
#astrology#astro community#astro placements#astro chart#natal chart#astrology tumblr#astro notes#astrology chart#natal astrology#astrology readings#astrology signs#astrology blog#pisces rising#scorpio mercury#scorpio sun#scorpio moon#8h sun#8h moon#8h mercury#sagittarius venus#9h venus#virgo mars#7h mars
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talking to my mom is such a blast. meeting of the minds
#marzi speaks#pseudosexuality moment#<- for what the tags shall entail#it’s great we both engage in good faith share our perspectives#and then we both come out of it having learned something new#and it rules!!#we had a really good discussion about kink and sex tonight#and we talked about negotiation and sex positivity and the specific things we liked and didn’t like#and how important it is to communicate that with a partner#and how all of this ties into being acespec#i even explained pseudosexuality to her! and she seemed to get it pretty well! about as well as i do anyways lmao#and then i mentioned my kmda crush bc he’s a good example of it being easier for aspecs in some cases to be attracted to fiction#to which she was like ‘that makes sense- it’s like fantasy’#anyways i was trying to explain why i liked him to her. and i was like ‘ok kmda. my mom grew up in the 80s. kmda. 80s. what connection. OH’#and i said he had the JD appeal and my mom went ‘ah gotcha mkay’#eventually the discussion turned into how stories like heathers are being simplified and reduced for the sake of remakes#and that was also a really good convo#but i really enjoyed talking about kink stuff with my mom. we bonded :]#also it was cool to see where we differed. some things i was like Yes about she was like Absolutely Not about and vice versa#it was also fun to see where we had similarities. rope bunny solidarity 🤝 it’s the GAD lmao#anyways i love talking to her. she’s so smart and when she sees something she doesn’t understand she doesn’t judge it or shy away from it#she just asks for clarification and tries her best to understand and contribute to the conversation#and usually we both end up learning from each other!!! it’s so cool#also a lot of my friends (at least that i regularly see irl) are not nearly as freaky as me so i rarely get to talk kink with ppl#so it was nice to just get to have that conversation
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the jaiden-roier-cellbit dynamic is so important to me because like. cellbit treats jaiden and roier's relationship with the same level of respect and importance that jaiden treats roier and cellbit's marriage. which may not seem like that big of a thing but like. platonic relationships are often seen as "lesser" than romantic ones, and that your romantic partner should come first before all other bonds in your life. and seeing cellbit treat jaiden and roier's bond and relationship with the same respect that jaiden treats his marriage. as an arospec person it genuinely makes me want to sob
#icarus speaks#THEY ARE THE BLUEPRINT!!!!!!!#THE MOMENT THE EVERYTHING#everything about them in general is so. like some of THE healthiest treatment of aspec relationships ive ever seen#the fact that roier is hypersexual but cellbit is aspec. and there is no conflict with this. sex does not define their relationship#the fact that Everyone acknowledges the importance of roier and jaiden's relationship#they're seen as partners just as much as any of the romantic egg pairings#just. wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh#personally i was struggling a bit with acknowledgement of being aroace. bc a Lot of my friends have been getting into relationships#and i Know that there is a possibility Of me being the lesser of the two options bc romance is so prioritized#but seeing these three gives me so much hope#i hope they know how important they are to the aroace/aroacespectrum community :((
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At the end of the day, is kin just someone who identifies as their kintype or not? Is it anyone who actually identifies as their kintype, or do they have to perform all these 'correct' behaviours and social dances to prove that you kin- pardon, that you are kin- correctly?
#beep boop#sorry i got fucking salty on this last one bc its fucking annoying people reblogging a version of that post with dumb misinformation about#how introjects work and whoes entire argument is 'well kin as a verb doesnt work for literally everyone therefore you should stop using it#person who it works for'#when my partner and i both already took down why thats a bad argument but no one bothers to check the fucking notes#and its most useful for fictionkin anyways and then a bunch of dragons and canines are saying well i dont have a use for it#so therefore its bad!#on his post about how HE PERSONALLY USES IT and people turning into like hes commenting that eveyrbody and their dog should use it#LEABVE HIM ALONE#LEAVE VALENTINO ALONE#sorry. i dont mind discussion but it pisses me off when shit we already explained is being ignored#And saying you wouldnt invalidate someone for using it while coming onto someones post about how they personally use it#and admonishing them for doing that#hm.#and this tying back to my very origional post on the topic#which was about how coming at people for how they talk makes the community hostile#regarudless of if you like it or not#can you . consider. minding your bees neez?#and everybody all up about the harm kff do meanwhile using kin as a verb doesnt make you kff and you can spread correct info while still#verbing it#and second of all i have seen new questioning otherkin literally harassed and driven out of wanting to every interact with the kin communit#because of the hostility twoards people who use 'incorrect' lanauge#WHIHC WAS WHAT I WAS ORIGIONALLY TALKING ABOUT#BUT NO ONE WANTS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT DO THEY?#IS DOING DAMADGE TO HE KINMUNNITY SUDDENLY NOT IMPORTANT NOW#IF YOU DONT GET TO GO AROUND AND ENFORCE SOME RULES?#kin discourse#kin as a verb#anyways if you encourage people to be alowed to police behaviour in this way#which is what you are doing if youre saying no one should be allowed to do it which is what the argument people are making is
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ᴡʜᴀᴛ’ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴠɪʙᴇ? : a sex shop romcom, is available at multiple retailers in ebook + paperback (and hardcovers exclusive on amazon)!
💓 synopsis
💓 links to buy
[ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ ʙʏ @redbelles—ᴏᴘᴇɴ ꜰᴏʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴꜱ!]
#*stefon from snl voice* this. book. has. EVERYTHING!!—#how to clean your sex toys (NOT dawn dish soap for the love of god)#being emotionally vulnerable with your partner#food as a love language (so! many! beverages!)#the importance of supporting everyone’s identities within the queer community#BANGERS 🎶#and straight men saying the worst things you’ve ever heard in your LIFE#(and they’re Real Things men said to me during my tenure at the sex shop too)#it’s here it’s queer and it’s serving So Much millennial existential dread 😎✌️#a/n#book tag: wyv#demisexuality#ace spec#bisexuality#indie romance#authors on tumblr
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saw a post that was like 'i don't want a romantic relationship bc what if i get home tired from work and someone else is in my house' like there's this thing called communicating with your partner?
#i resisted the urge to reblog this and say this in the tags bc i didn't want people coming after me#bc they're jealous that i'm in a healthy relationship where i can communicate my boundaries to my partner who respects them#like if this happens to me i just *checks notes* tell my partner that i need space and they respect that#it's wild. like maybe these people have just been in shitty relationships#i'm guessing they're all american bc that's such an individualist mindset...#like i hate to break it to op but human connection is actually like. so important and they're not above it lmao#and it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship but it's actually really sad that they don't have anyone in their life that they#want to share their life with....#anyway this is lowkey one of the themes of silence agenda i just realized#that it starts out with nyx and avery refusing to communicate their boundaries or anything really#and they just want everything to be their way that their needs are the most important#and they learn how to have healthy communication and realize oh hey yeah i WAS really lonely oh wait this kind of connection IS good#and it IS worth giving up some individual freedom for the sake of companionship and love and connection#anyway not to just go on a RANT but i had to get some of these thoughts out#win rambles
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I did hold out hope that things would be different. that they would actually miss me because they liked me and wanted a friendship. yet they proved that I am nothing to them but a thing to be used.
#I feel disheartened#this shit would have been fine when I was younger but no#I feel disgusted with myself the most#I allowed this to happen#how sickening#only good thing that came from this is the fact that I acknowledge that I have this disorder#boundaries are super important as well as communication#I wrote a list of what I actually want from a partner so maybe it’ll be a bit easier to spot#I need to write a list of boundaries#and a list of what I want from friends too#wow#I don’t even have time to be sad about all of this#thoughts#bpd#diary#actually borderline#bpd fp#favourite person#mental health#actually bpd#bpd thoughts
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so I had the summer (in reality, like… almost three months) off from one of my volunteering roles and I’m 20 minutes into my first meeting back and I am already so irritated and angry. maybe this is Not A Good Sign.
#people! are! just! so! useless!#and I am being uncharitable to some people but god#this meeting is also going to go on fucking forever bc nobody can stay on track#and like everyone is very nice! but sometimes I do not care about people being nice I care about getting shit done and not being in#a meeting til 8pm#like maybe I need to#just. dip.#I am full of frustration#I managed to get my point said about us needing more people there to Get Shit Done in between everyone being very optimistic#and like they agree with me#but god#I thought I would have more patience after a few months off and. nope. less patience#it’s just herding cats on intense steroids#and not doing it for a couple months has uh. brought into sharp relief how dysfunctional and infuriating a system it is#one of the people I work with just talks all fluff#like a consultant who charges by the word is what my partner said#and it’s all like things we should do or things we should focus on and empty buzzwords#‘we need to ensure these people have a seat at the table’ ‘we need to expand our offering’ ‘we need a concrete x policy in place’#‘we need to provide a space for the most marginalised in our community’ ‘#like great ok but what are we doing and crucially who is doing it and how#bc you’re not doing it you’ve just said you’re at low capacity#and we are at best a team of five and currently a team of three if we’re optimistic#the buzzword bingo REALLY pisses me off idk if it’s the lesbian in me or the scientist in me or just the tired grumpy old man in me#I think I’ve complained enough#I may…….. have to reconsider what I’m doing here I don’t think getting this angry within a few minutes of a meeting is healthy#it’s a good org I think we do important work#buuut at what point is that not a good enough reason to stick around yknow#ok if you’ve read this far thank you for reading all my anger
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#meg talks#i forgot how much group projects make me want to become the joker#joined a strategic research group and 1) my research partner has done nothing and basically never says anything to me#2) the check in meetings w the other group members are always when i have work and nobody shares notes/takeaways#or like offers more than one check in time to accommodate scheduling#3) nobody has fucking LOOKED AT MY RESEARCHHHHH#horse staring out at the ocean.jpeg#someday i will actually get involved w organizers who know what they’re doing. someday.#ok that’s mean i think it’s important to do SOMETHING even if u don’t rlly know what ur doing or else how would you learn#i mean that’s exactly what im doing! i don’t know shit abt fuck and i joined this group to learn new practical skills#so it’s not their fault and im no better#but also jdsgsjdncj when it comes to the basics of like. actually organizing the resources we are currently gathering.#i feel like ‘’make sure you actually are communicating with everyone and looking at the research’’ is basic enough#that im allowed to be frustrated abt it#TALK TO MEEEEEEEE FUCKING HOLD A MEETING I CAN PARTICIPATE INNNNNNNN#ok im done. fkxhgzjxnc
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#hate hate hate when you have to mail someone important documents if they dont send you any confirmation that they received them#like. i even wrote in the email that i wasnt sure which email address they wanted me to send stuff to#and im *pretty sure* that they checked that account and likely got my docs but. what if they didnt#also my anxiety levels are skyrocketing as is#i have to do so much stuff for work rn#plus this project im working on is. a trainwreck not gonna lie and my project partner is *not* helping#also my health insurance situation is still kinda weird#also the bone marrow donation agency (?) wants me to preemptively fill out some form about my health status and idk how to communicate that#im fine on paper but theres most likely something wrong#also my grandma passed away on saturday. yeah. thats also something that happened#right. sorry. once again i cant find my physical journal so. oversharing on tumblr dot com it is i guess
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x
#this is not a fully formed thought#but i’m just thinking that if buddie does go canon#one of the things the writers could deep dive into is#how they both have kind of complicated relationship with sex#i’ve been thinking about that post about eddie and does he know he can say no to sex#and how buck used to try to fill#heh pun not intended#an empty hole inside himself with meaningless sex#and how bothered he was that he might have not been able to please all his former partners#so i just think it would be such a good character study opportunity to have them figure out those things when it comes to their sex life#just. you know. have eddie learn that he is allowed to say no#and have buck understand that it doesn’t mean#that he failed as a partner#and that there are other forms of intimacy#that aren’t better or worse than sex but equally important#and even when you KNOW the other person#like really truly know them#you still need to communicate#because even in a commited relationship that is based on trust and love and devotion#you still can’t read your partners thoughts#and even if it’s hard at first it will make your relationship even better when you just talk#and that sex isn’t just some wordless agreement that just happens naturally when two people are attracted to each other#but it’s something that you NEED to talk about#and figure out what works best for everyone involved#i don’t know i have other thoughts about this but like i said#they’re not fully formed and i’m not able to articulate them#🤷🏻♀️
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it actually reminds me of this dumb tiktok I saw recently that had this lady sitting in a car with the subtitles/writings above her head saying "yeah sure good job polyam ppl yeah you don't have to be "held back by the pressures of monogamy" because now its somehow better to date more than one ugly person at once lol" and many of the polyphobic comments on that video were in support of her and were saying shit like "yeah lol ive never seen a poly relationship where all partners are attractive, they're also usually fat" and some even said "im sure the only reason the so called polyam ppl exist is because fat and ugly ppl feel lonely and wanna make each other feel better lol and the op of the stupid post hearted most of the comments which were also fatphobic and MIND YOU the op was part of the lgbt community(she was a lesbian) as well as most of the comments on that post.
every post making fun of "polyamorous" people is so funny to me, because how do you turn "regularly having sex with multiple people" into like a cringe nerd thing bro
#I hate tiktok honestly#It's unbearably toxic#I just loathe anything and everything about most of its users#Ppl are so damn fatphobic on there even when they're part of the lgbt community which is supposed to be supportive of everyone#And I rlly don't know why ppl are so damn focused on looks on there to the point it's stupid and creepy#Like how are you mad at someone you don't even know just because they don't look physically attractive to you#And because of that you decide they're annoying to you and you decide to hate them and say nasty shit about them#It's sad tho ppl on that dumb post are so obviously shallow like#Not only do you believe all poly couples conform to a harmful stereotype#But you believe that the most important thing a romantic partner has to offer is looks#That if you see a couple that happen to be unattractive you just assume that they don't actually like eachother#You believe they are only together for company because they couldn't find any other person#You don't believe there are other qualities they enjoy about eachother that made them actually fall in love#Tiktok users are so sad honestly ughhhh
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Signs of a Healthy Relationship: What Every Couple Should Strive For
#Love should feel safe, fulfilling, and uplifting—but how do you know if your relationship is truly healthy? In a world where social media romanticizes everything from grand gestures to toxic “passion,” it’s easy to confuse unhealthy patterns with love. A strong, healthy relationship isn’t about perfection—it’s about two people who are committed to growing together, communicating openly, and…
#Balancing individuality and togetherness#Building a fulfilling partnership#Emotional safety in relationships#Handling conflict in relationships#Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships#How to build a strong relationship#How to communicate better with your partner#How to feel safe in a relationship#How to handle jealousy in relationships#How to keep the spark alive in a relationship#How to know if your relationship is healthy#How to resolve conflicts maturely#Open communication in relationships#Shared values in relationships#Signs of a healthy relationship#Signs of emotional security#Supporting each other’s growth#Trust and respect in relationships#Why shared goals matter in relationships#Why trust is important in relationships
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Signs of a Healthy Relationship: What Every Couple Should Strive For
#Love should feel safe, fulfilling, and uplifting—but how do you know if your relationship is truly healthy? In a world where social media romanticizes everything from grand gestures to toxic “passion,” it’s easy to confuse unhealthy patterns with love. A strong, healthy relationship isn’t about perfection—it’s about two people who are committed to growing together, communicating openly, and…
#Balancing individuality and togetherness#Building a fulfilling partnership#Emotional safety in relationships#Handling conflict in relationships#Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships#How to build a strong relationship#How to communicate better with your partner#How to feel safe in a relationship#How to handle jealousy in relationships#How to keep the spark alive in a relationship#How to know if your relationship is healthy#How to resolve conflicts maturely#Open communication in relationships#Shared values in relationships#Signs of a healthy relationship#Signs of emotional security#Supporting each other’s growth#Trust and respect in relationships#Why shared goals matter in relationships#Why trust is important in relationships
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(tags from @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist)
By the way "some aroace people still date and have sex" and "it's weird how internet spaces makes every single aroace character romance and sex favourable" can and should co-exist. Sincerely, an aroace person
#tags from prev#like……. yeah. that definitely sums up my feeling on it#at some point i think people heard ‘aspec characters can still date/have sex’ and took it to mean#‘I can still ship aspec characters as long as i mention they’re aspec sometimes’#when in reality if you’re going to ship aspec characters then you can’t do it in the same identical way#aspec people everywhere on the spectrum have complicated feelings on these things#and THATS what i want to see when someone starts shipping aspec characters. personally. i think they should be using those relationships as#a lens thru which to study the characters and how they’re unlike allo people#as an aroace person who has had a pretty complicated time sorting out my relationships with romance and sex#and how those things impact the committed relationship im in#and how those things interact with also being polyamorous#i would love to see people write aspec characters with at least SOME understanding and respect for their identities#show me how their identity changes how they interact with a partner. show me how they think about it#get weird with it. i never get to see romance-repulsed aros in stories. i never get to see aro people who aren’t ace#i never get to see people like me whose identities change moment to moment#show me how their *partner* thinks about it. if theyre with an allo person there are GOING to be feelings there. differences.#and if it's two aspec people together then it gets even MORE complex. how are they the same and how are they different#how does that change the dynamic? how do they talk about their relationship? how do other people perceive it?#please im starving. ive started talking about the things i want to see and now i cant live without it........#also. slightly different. pls more romance repulsed characters. make it more common to see around. this is important#people dont even realize that theyre determined to find ways to erase identities they dont understand instead of trying to understand them#i think on some level allo people 'get' the idea of being sex repulsed bc we live in a sex-negative society and they conflate the two thing#('oh you think sex is gross? yeah that's normal everyone thinks it's gross' is not a meaningful understanding of ace sex-repulsion)#but bc romance is so sweet and pure and good and everyone needs love to survive (said through gritted teeth)#people really struggle to accept or even acknowledge romance repulsion. i know in shipping communities it gets even harder#bc shipping is often ABOUT romance...#but i would still like to see people try. romance repulsed aroallo. romance repulsed friends who get to make faces at each other when peopl#mistake them for a couple. romance AND sex repulsed aroace who still gets meaningful analysis and screentime bc their life doesnt have to#revolve around romance and sex 1000% of the time forever#aspec people have written THE most interesting and compelling versions of some of my favorite characters of all time
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‧₊˚✧ ❛[ me & my husband ]❜
ft. moon ki-yong (the salesman) x f! reader — squid game
╰₊✧ you don’t need your husband to be perfect, you just want him to be honest┊3.3k words; part two (here)
contains: written before s2 came out!! probably ooc or inaccurate, angst with spots of fluff & a bittersweet ending? reader’s pov mostly, suspicions of cheating, lack of communication, mentioned age gap, random inaccurate lore for the salesman
➤ author's note: yeah, i saw the sudden uptick in notes on that gong yoo post i made and realized season 2 came out which i completely forgot about. i intend to watch it soon as possible and write fics for it as well as (probably) add new characters to my writing list, but for now, please be content with this!!
₊˚ʚ 💌₊˚✧ this fic was heavily inspired by “emotionally intoxicated” by aurasaurora!
moon ki-yong is the poster image for the ideal husband. he’s always been like that from the moment you met him, and you can’t help but feel like you’re the luckiest woman in the world when he calls himself yours. he’s tall and handsome, someone who catches everyone’s eye despite his only being focused on you. he’s wealthy and hard-working, able to call a luxurious mansion your home, and willing to buy you anything your heart desires as long as you ask for it. he spoils you rotten with that money, gifting you expensive things even if you didn’t ask if it reminded him of you. he’s doting, always sure to smother you in affection with kisses and cuddles whenever together to make it known how much he adores you. the sex is great too, he makes you feel wanted and desirable without ever leaving you unsatisfied.
most importantly though, you love him, and he loves you. the last two years of marriage have been so blissful, and there isn’t a single thing you would change.
at least that’s what you believe most of the time.
you like to think you know a lot about him, and in a way, you do. you know his favorite color, how he likes his coffee, what he usually orders at restaurants, the type of wine he prefers over beer, the exaggerated shocked fasces he likes to make, how his favorite chore is folding the laundry, how his least favorite is doing the dishes because he doesn’t like getting his hands dirty, the name of his childhood pet, what positions he likes to cuddle or fuck in, the names he’s thinking of giving to your child when they are finally born— there are so many little details you know about him, yet at times you feel like you don't know anything at all.
you don’t really know much about his childhood aside from a few random stories, he claims there’s nothing really notable and that it was as standard as can be. you don’t know who his parents were or what they were like because he said they died when he was young, but surely that’s an important loss which must have impacted him and made youth difficult in some way? you don’t know about his past partners if he even had any, but you doubt you were his first as he was yours with a face like his. you don’t know any of his secrets, like an embarrassing moment or something sinful he might have committed in the past.
he knew all of these things about you and the little details of your life, so why don’t you know any of the most basic things regarding your own husband?
these periods of uncertainty are few and far, but once the icy tendrils of doubt creep in, it’s difficult to shake them off when you realize you only know these things through observations and not him actually telling you. it’s a miracle your stupidity allowed you to make it this far in falling head over heels for him, getting married, and carrying his child (not that you completely regret it, you still love him, but you wish you had given it more time).
they say there are no such things as stupid questions, yet the main question you have is exactly that as it’s something every wife should know even before the marriage. it would be impressive how long you’ve been clueless about this matter if it weren’t for how often and how skilled he is in managing to evade your curiosity and steer the conversation elsewhere. you didn’t want to press on it since he seems to shut it down every time the topic is brought up and you don’t want to fight over something you technically didn’t need to know, but it weighs on you and presses into your chest with the knowledge you were being kept in the dark.
what did your husband do for a living, exactly?
his schedule is always unpredictably changing with little rhyme or reason and it confuses you. sometimes you’ll go an entire few days without seeing him, sensing him wake up in the morning before the sun is even up, feeling him kiss you on the cheek before getting ready, and not coming back until long after you fall asleep with no communication aside from a note on the table telling you he’ll be gone for the day along with a wad of cash for you to treat yourself while he’s gone. other times he’ll be chilling at home for an entire week, waking you up with aggressive cuddles (or morning sex), making you breakfast with the morning news on in the background, and taking you out to wherever you want to go on his card in his rare casual clothing and messy wavy hair rather than the typical fancy suits and hair styled with gel.
as far as you’re concerned, he’s a businessman of sorts, although you don’t know what company he works for or what position he has in terms of hierarchy or how an occupation of that type allows such flexibility in hours or anything at all.
“what if he’s having an affair?”
you paused for a second before continuing the motion of slicing the cheesecake with a fork and savoring the taste in your mouth. “that’s ridiculous,” you stated simply after swallowing. “he loves me very much, and it doesn’t explain his weird schedule either.”
today was spent with some friends you met back in high school, but honestly, you were only attending out of politeness and tradition since you honestly feel like you’ve disconnected from these girls long before the current. still, you treasure the memories shared in your more formative years and wouldn’t ever say no to them if they wanted to hang out like old times. ki-yong doesn’t bother to hide his distaste for them, calling them a miserable lot who try to drag you down at every opportunity out of jealousy for your happiness. you laugh it off, but you know deep down he’s right and yet you’re still sitting here at the cafe with them with bright smiles like their words don’t cut deep.
“maybe he’s dating the boss— a sexy office siren type— she gives him plenty of days off and he stays with her at her beach house at jeju island or something to keep her company, and then she gives him lots of money in exchange.”
“oh my god, could you imagine?”
“can you be realistic? it sounds like you’re just writing a plot for a new drama,” you giggled, not allowing the feeling of a twisting blade in your abdomen to show on your face or the venom to drip from your words at the mere thought of the man you loved being stolen away a faceless woman who was everything you wished you were more of: more beautiful, more wealthy, more experienced, more intelligent—
“you don’t know because he’s your first love or whatever— and you’re so lucky to have been able to marry him— but men are dogs, and i don’t see why he would be the exception.”
“but he treats me so well—”
“maybe he only treats you well because you’re pregnant— he probably just feels guilty. i mean, when i was pregnant and had my first, my husband wasn’t attracted to me anymore and demanded a divorce unless i lost the baby weight.” she shrugged like it was so simple, so common, like the notion of marriage wasn’t something so deeply important and could be thrown away so easily.
“we aren’t suggesting you get a divorce, but we’re just saying you should keep an eye on him— you know? a handsome guy like him was always bound to get a lot of attention…” her laugh was shrill and high-pitched, making goosebumps erupt on your skin.
“right… thanks guys…”
that night, you couldn’t stop twisting and turning on the large sectional couch with thoughts rushing through your head of your husband with some other woman. the jealousy from these fictional scenarios without evidence of existence plagued you. it made you want to vomit up the negative feelings and go back to the person you were a few hours ago without the images of him cheating planted in your mind, which didn’t go unnoticed by him and caused him to ask what was bothering you as it wouldn't be good for the baby.
you hesitated for a moment, “could you tell me about your exes?”
“why are you suddenly curious about that?” he chuckled, knowing damn well that it was because of those stupid snakes masquerading as people (it truly takes one to know one) running their mouths again, but still feigning obliviousness for your sake.
“just wondering,” you muttered. “i mean, you’re the first person i’ve fallen in love with, but you’re a bit older than me so…”
“and i hope to be the only one too,” he smirked confidently, making you laugh as he plopped down on the ground and rested his head on the cushion next to yours.
it was such a casual setting in such a vast space, bringing you back to the days in your little apartment inviting him over for chicken and beer before you knew about your immense wealth and got embarrassed over your cheap dates when he was so used to expensive restaurants. he found it very endearing though, knowing you liked him for him and not his money.
“well, if you’re so curious…” he trailed off, but you weren’t quite sure if it was because of hesitation or because he simply didn’t know where to start. you can’t remember the last time a conversation like this was held to learn more about him since it was usually about you, maybe back when you first started dating and briefly discussed his late parents.
he started with his crush when he was in middle school since that was his earliest recollection of feeling love, who didn’t really count as a girlfriend or love because nothing was established and because of their age, but she was his first kiss that he ran away from right after because of how nervous he was, and it was never addressed again. apparently it was his second girlfriend who taught him everything he knew before he met you, saying she basically “trained him like a dog” to create a gentleman out of an inexperienced boy who still wasn’t quite sure how to treat a woman like a queen. she was a bit mean though, and he didn’t realize he dodged a bullet until later after realizing she was unnecessarily cruel to him for no reason multiple times if he didn’t do things exactly her way.
you suppose you always knew your husband wasn’t always the suave charmer you know him to be, but the image of younger him being clueless on matters of romance made you burst out laughing because of how you could hardly picture it.
he reached over to pinch your cheek affectionately, “are you of all people really making fun of me when you were too scared to hold my hand for me to escort you out of my car?”
“oh my god, that was on our first date, i can’t be blamed! i was shaking like crazy on that day— you had to tell me that you didn’t bite.”
“i was actually thinking about calling off our date last minute because of an emergency at work,” he confessed, “but i’m glad i didn’t and met the love of my life instead.”
“aw, you flirt.” the memory made you smile and feel all giggly inside, all the fears you had about him possibly having an affair falling away, yet there were still some lingering at the back of your mind with the mention of his job. “what happened at work?”
“nothing that important,” he said instantly like clockwork. “just some boring business things.”
you didn’t push it, not wanting to ruin the mood, but once again, your curiosity was just itching to ask more questions about his work life even if it was truly as boring as he says. you wanted to know every mundane detail whether it was what his office looked like or what the annoying co-worker did on a daily basis, anything to satiate your need to know more about this mysterious man you had made life-long vows with.
it all came to a head one night while you were cooking dinner, you heard the doorbell ring a dozen times in quick succession and answered it to find an older man with fiery red hair that seemed to match his temper. when he addressed your husband by name and verified your relationship with him, he began spewing all kinds of insults about the blood he had on his hands by luring innocent people to their deaths and you felt your heart drop. you tried to reason with him that there must have been some sort of mistake, barely able to get your words out in a fit of confusion and surprise at the absurd accusation, but he wouldn’t hear you out and pointed a finger in your face, asking if you had any idea what moon ki-yong was doing behind your back.
at that very moment, he was suddenly seized by two anonymous men in all black, causing him to yell out in panic as they dragged him away and stuffed him in the back of a car before quickly driving off into the night without a trace. it all happened so fast, you just stood there with your mouth open in shock, wondering if you should call the police on what looked like an abduction.
then your husband comes running up the steps with his locked briefcase in hand, shouting out your name, asking you if you’re okay, pulling you back inside the comfort of your shared home, and checking you all over to make sure you aren’t harmed in any way. when you ask about who that man was and what he was talking about, he simply told you he was some crazy customer who was dissatisfied with the company, was looking for someone to blame, and promised to tell you the details later.
you didn’t tell him that you didn’t believe him, just pursed your lips and furrowed your brow for a second then let go of the topic like you always do, taking his coat off his shoulders with a peck on the lips asking how his day was. he reciprocated the kiss, said it was fine without anything special, and that he would shower before having dinner, something he didn’t really need to say since you already knew but stated anyway as per evening routine.
as he headed up the stairs and disappeared from sight, you stared at the locked briefcase resting crookedly on the little entryway table and paused for a moment. if you did this, it would be a breach of privacy and a sign of growing distrust in your husband, but it could also answer all of the questions that never cease.
your hands wouldn’t stop shaking involuntarily as you felt the cold black metal underneath your fingertips, marveling at the smooth material clean of any scratches or dents. fidgeting with the built-in combination lock, six number sequences started rushing through your mind as you started to hastily run through your options with a focus on dates. you were determined to only do this three times since you had no idea if an alarm would be set off or if it would close off permanently.
his birthday?
an electronic beep went off indicating you were incorrect, making you nervous.
your birthday?
wrong again, you only had one attempt left. you swallowed, shaking the accumulating sweat off your hands.
the date of your wedding?
you gasped as the locks suddenly flipped open and lightly knocked against the briefcase. it was undone, you could open it at any moment now and see it all.
and yet you still hesitated during this golden opportunity. was it the fact that the passcode to his most secret possession was the day you got married? was it guilt for going behind your husband’s back for answers instead of directly asking him? was it because you were afraid of what you would find if you discovered the red-haired man was telling the truth?
whatever it was, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and locked it again, leaving it looking untouched and went back to playing dinner.
there was a heavy tension present at the dinner table that night, the only conversation present being him interrogating you about what the red-haired man talked about word-for-word. not really interrogating since his tone of voice was still calm and gentle as he asked questions, but you could see him fidgeting with his fork and not leaving much room for any other topic until he was sure you told him everything. he then sighed and claimed the man was insane, a gambling addict who was too deep in debt to afford treatment and was trying to drag him into his misery after meeting at the subway station.
“ki-yong?”
he froze for a second, not used to hearing you use his real name rather than a pet name. “yes?”
“what do you do for a living, exactly?”
a pause, you watched him fidget with his chopsticks and shift the grains of rice around. “you know, business stuff— nothing you need to concern yourself about—“
“but i don’t know! that’s the thing!” you felt tears starting to well up behind your eyes, letting two years of frustration trickle through. “i know it doesn’t seem that important for me to know, but is it really so important that you leave me in the dark about it for the three years we’ve been lovers? and now some guy comes to our doorstep and tells me about how your job is playing games with people at the subway station to make them participate in death games?!” you took a deep breath, calming yourself down, “please, be honest with me, that’s all i want…”
“i-i…” that was the first time you’ve ever heard him stutter, and if the situation wasn’t so tense, you would be proud you finally got one-up on him. “i can’t say… it’s for your own safety and mine.”
“so he was right?”
he remained silent, trying to think of some way to counter what seong gi-hun had told you, but if you didn’t believe the elaborate lie he already told you and wanted to learn more, then he knew this was the end of the road.
“i-i need some time to think…” you looked defeated and it broke his heart. “i’m going to my mom’s house tonight, i’ll be back tomorrow—“ you got up, not bothering to pack anything aside from your phone and your wallet.
he had prepared for you to start screaming and crying (not that he would blame you, i mean, who would willingly stay with a man who was complicit in mass murder), demanding a divorce and packing your things to shut the door for him never to be seen again with your unborn child. the strangely calm reaction was both a relief and extremely unsettling to him.
“i won’t be mad if you decide not to come back” he stated plainly, defeated in a state you’ve never seen him in before. “whatever choice you make, i’ll support you, just know i love you— more than anything else in this world.”
you stared at him blankly through the open doorway. perhaps your husband isn’t the perfect man you believed him to be, but he was as honest as he possibly could have been with you regarding the matter, and that’s enough.
“i love you too, i’ll be back in the morning.” that’s how you feel at the moment, but you don’t know if you’ll feel the same way tomorrow morning when it sinks in.

#📜. her works#the salesman#the salesman x reader#gong yoo#gong yoo x reader#squid game#squid game x reader#moon ki yong#moon ki yong x reader
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