#and i already have issues with my knees/hips so it's just 10 1/2 hours of pain

[hopcrow]

im having issues contextualizing my pain levels esp from these titty headaches (??) i get so ima type it out.

ive gone to various doctors multiple times being like “i think my (clearly excessively large) breasts are causing neck/shoulder issues” and explaining the headaches it gives me are the worst pain ive ever felt but every time they tell me to take ibuprofen and send me home. one of them prescribed me one (1) single dose of a muscle relaxer. which i already had a script for.

what i think i actually NEED: imaging of my neck and shoulder (just in case, bc i have a long history of bone spurs and joint damage), physical therapy to strengthen surrounding muscles, possible shot of corticosteroids, eventual breast reduction

like i know I LOOK v young and female, but idk why else im getting blown off? this isnt anything wild or unexpected. i had a C cup at age eight and they did not stop increasing dude

various painful/medical reference under cut

reference pains ive had:

1/10: normal daily joint pain in hands, knees, shoulders. its fine. more informational than anything else

2/10: joints before a storm; period cramps. may take ibuprofen

3/10: walking on broken toe; average tmj flare up. hurts, but i can tune it out. may be a bit cranky. often warrants ibuprofen + heating pad

4/10: perforated eardrum, bad tmj. pretty dang annoying, hard to tune out. would take tylenol AND ibuprofen (alternating), use ice/heat. would consider tramadol if i need to be productive

5/10: peak of migraine, bad sinus headache, hip or back spasms. im going to be nonfunctional but can watch tv or listen to podcast. time to take ‘smaller’ prescription meds ie tramadol or muscle relaxer

6/10: contrast injection into hip joint space; having stitches taken out of inside of my nose. i would want to hold someones hand for these but not in crying pain

7/10: hip bones impinging (tearing thru labrum); IUD insertion. enough pain to make me see stars for a second, but bearable. if its not acute i would take tylenol with codeine or smth more serious like that

8/10: the no-bra headache. i cant think about anything else. involuntarily whimpering/writhing around, often consider trying to get to ER (but i know they wont do anything). for hours. dry heaving from pain. i’ll take whatever painkiller i can get with frantic desperation. tramadol is useless. hydrocodone helps but not 100%.

9/10: never gotten here? maybe childbirth?

10/10: to rate 10 i would have to be passing out from pain, never hit this

[xcertaindarkthingsx]

who let me get a warehouse job ksfjdks

i am literally so fucking wiped when i get home and my body hurts like a mf 

[ciggylungz]

Music to my ears

Music to my ears- 1.7k

Blurb night: (Request: What abt like something in the studio? Like studio sex 🥵 your header inspired me lol)

 ------

Y/n always loved when Harry brought her to the studio with him, seeing her man all in his grove and in his element made her happy. She couldn’t deny how sexy he looked when he was strumming on the guitar or sitting with a clenched jaw, drumming his fingers while tweaking some lyrics to make it perfect.

Harry was all smiles when he heard the studio door open, his beautiful girlfriend making her way into the room holding some water bottles for him and the band, and some nice food- remembering to skip any item with dairy in it since it can clog up his throat with phlegm which wouldn’t be too good while trying to belt out another billboard hit.

“There she is! Hey darlin’” Harry craned his neck to peck her as she walked by, he was seated in a office chair going over some sheet music Mitch had written that belonged to the instrumental section of one of his works in progress and Y/n gave him a good once over decided he looked especially hot in his black slacks and wrinkled rolling stones shirt. “I brought treats! The BLT for Mitch, Cesar salad hold the crotons for Sara with a side of soup, two blueberry muffins and a black tea for Jeff and a sparkling lemon water with a vegan chicken noodle soup for my Harry- with of course- the breads you requested with it my dear.”

Y/n handed out the goodies to the group of artists, giving Harry his food with a kiss on his cheek perching herself on the table in front of him to snag a few bites of his food every so often as she talked with the group listing to some of the music they’d already got down dancing in her spot a little bit enjoying the behind the scenes of his upcoming album. “Sound’s good, I think you got another hit in the makin’ here baby. ‘m proud of yeh bub!” Y/n ran her fingers through Harry’s hair, the man giving her a content coo and grip on her thigh in return rubbing his thumb on the denim covered skin lovingly.

“Thank ya’, couldn’t do it without these guys or you my love. You guys make me great, would be nothin’ without ya’” his sweetness got a chorus of adored ‘awes’ which the slightly arrogant artist bathed in dramatically waving his hands and pretending to be bashful earning him some chuckles from everyone in the room.

 -------

It was nearing 10 in the evening when Mitch finally decided to call it a night, everyone else besides Harry and Y/n had left over the last few hours. Each trickling out with some yawns and good bidding's as they decided to make their way home but Harry was focused on his music, and Y/n knew once he was this much in a grove, he wasn’t going to pack up till he felt it was time. in the meantime Y/n was sprawled out on one of the couches in the room, her left hand absentmindedly running over the suede pushing the material back and fourth in a satisfying pattern while scrolling through her phone texting a few friends and replying to some emails in between playing random games on the device.

Harry was deep into his work, tongue tucked between his teeth while his knee bounced slightly to the melody playing in his head. He was currently trying to put the finishing touches on medicine , a rather proactive song that he was still on the fence about releasing or keeping a concert special. His inspiration behind it was his journey through sexuality, romance and the fast pace lust that he’s experienced as a star during his formative years. Of course his Y/n was a big inspiration on that track, their sexual endeavors prominent in his mind while coming up with the lyrics.

His mind was filled with photographic memories of the times they did various naughty things. The foursome in brazil where they both explored bisexuality, having Harry, Y/n and then another couple join them, the hand full of times they’d had sex in public. In his car, in an alley, in bathroom at the VMA’s. on the roof, in a pool, and even the once Y/n went down on him in his mothers back garden while she ran to the shop.  He thought of the sloppy kisses, the spitting, cum eating, rim jobs and pussy eating. It was all so dirty and god he knew this song would drive people mad. So being the cheeky bastard he is, he made two final decisions about the piece of work right then and there.

1-      It would be an exclusive concert song

2-      He wanted to have some special audio in it

 Harry knew the idea was daring, likely to turn heads and cause mothers of concert goers to place a hand over their heart with a raised eyebrow but this was his music and he never had an issue with controversial art.

The man then looked to his side, seeing his love in her natural state. Relaxed, lips slightly pursed with her eyelashes batting every few seconds as she focused on the screen. Somehow even when she was lying in a lazy position, hair in a messy bun with a small stain from her tea on the bottom of her shirt, she still looked insanely beautiful.

“Love?” y/n shifted her eyes towards her boyfriend when she heard the pet name, turning onto her side to give him her full attention. “What’s up, H?” she rested her chin on her fist, blowing a few stray hairs out of her eyes. “How would you feel about helpin’ me out with this song?”

Harry gave her a bit of a suggestive taunt of his brows, the girl tilting her head slightly. “Sure, what do yeh have in mind, bub?” Y/n was quick to her feet walking towards him to peer down at the notebook full of lyrics, yet her attention was soon focused on the sensation of being tugged into his lap and the feeling of a rather firm lump pressing into her bum. Her head turned to look at her now smirking boyfriend, pursing her lips slightly in question. “Well, the songs a bit alt to what I usually write…going to keep it off the album make it exclusive but I think I want some background audio of us…making love princess.”

To be clear, Y/n wasn’t a prude. She wasn’t shy about her sexuality, she actually felt very empowered by how confident she was about her sex life and Harry found it exceptionally sexy to be with a woman who was open and not shy at all about trying new things, and this was definitely a new one for her to consider.

He gave her a moment to mull it over, seeing her head sway slightly while she weighed the offer before she gave a shrug and a nod to her boyfriend. “Sure, why not? Gonna be music layered on it right? So it’s not full blown balls smacking into ass?” her question made the man snort, nodding his head. “Yup, gonna layer the instrumental over it. Hoping to isolate the vocals of the moaning to mesh into the music then my singing. I think it could sound fuckin’ excellent and well I get to fuck yeh, so I think it’s a win win hmm?” his hands migrated to her tits, giving them a firm squeeze as his lips pressed into the back of her neck. His touches achieved his goal of sending a shiver through his girl, her spine tingling and hips starting to squirm as he sponged open mouth kisses from the nape of her neck to each shoulder.

“Yea…yea lets do it.” Her words were breathier, his touch putting her under his spell instantly. Lust hung in the air while he kept his grip on her his free hand used to turn on the mic in the sound booth before starting the recording and pushing them both in the padded room.

“god, you’re a doll lettin’ me fuck yeh for my track. I love you so much baby..” his words were as rushed as his frantic hands tugging their clothes off. Hers were prying the buttons of his trousers undone while he ridded her of her bra and started on her pants their mouths crashing together in a sloppy, needy dirty kiss. One that left the lower half of their faces shiny and their teeth slightly clenched from knocking them together in the heat of their movements.

“I love you more, jesus Haz, please hurry up need you in me.” Y/n worked on shoving her panties to the side, Harry hoisting her leg up to have her angled just right to sink his cock into. These were the moments he praised whoever invented birth control, nothing beats getting to spontaneously fuck his girl without having to worry about finding a condom.

Gasps, moans and whines filled the booth. The pleasured noises bouncing off the foam glued to the walls, the insulation amplifying their noises as Harry pounded himself inside Y/n relentlessly, his cock forcibly spreading her inner walls stimulating the deepest parts of her making her pour out a river of beautiful moans he couldn’t wait to mesh into the song. He did little to contain his own groans, deciding if they were prominent in the recording he’d match them with the bass so the deep tones complimented each other.

“ ‘m gonna cum”  

The string of words every guy loves to hear from the woman they are pleasuring, it boosts their ego and gives them an extra shot of stamina to push her over the edge satisfying her fully before he lets himself go.

When the tightening of her cunt gripped onto his cock, sucking him in further happened the best moans of the session were let out. Harmonious perfectly pitched moans spilling from her mouth, his joining hers in a duet soon after as his balls gave everything they had inside of her. the pair were a sticky mess, but it didn’t matter to them they both were still in the orgasmic haze complimented with the rush of voyeurism.

“Jesus baby, I think we just secured a grammy.”

[redmaneroster]

Our Home Away From Home, Away From Home

[1] [2] [3] [4-5] [6] [7] [x-x] [10]

PART 8 – Permutation

Its almost strange to call it home, Yang thinks, staring up at the house she grew up in. She'd spent so much time in a cozy little dorm and a browning two-bedroom apartment that a house in the woods almost seems like a distant memory. (She hadn't spent Summer here either. She was in Menagerie with Blake then Mistral with her dad for a getaway, and the rest she spent kicking back with Jaune).

"A lot happened this year," she says.

Jaune's eying the woods around them, trying to see a break in the pattern outside of a few distant houses lost between the bark and autumn leaves. He swallows cause he knows that, if it weren't for Yang, he'd have been terribly lost. "Hm? Uh… huh?" he garbles, unable to hide the tinge of panic.

"A lot happened this year," she repeats. "What's up with you?"

"The woods are thick is all. How you only got lost in it once is beyond me… So, what's with the nostalgia? Old house got you thinking?"

"Something like that. Mostly, I didn't think I'd end up here, getting ready to reacquaint with Raven, and getting you of all people to meet my parents."

"Yeah, didn't think I'd end up introducing another blonde to my sisters either. Future seemed full of redheads and I stuck with it like an act of defiance."

"Defiance? Why's that?"

"If you haven't noticed, we're all terribly blonde. Even Adrian's hair is a dirty gold and we thought for sure he'd be a brunette. It's either a curse, or fate is terrible at jokes and uncomfortable at parties."

She chuckles. "Calling fate out like a loser isn't going to win you any favors. Besides, can't help it when both your folks are blondes."

"One of my sisters is adopted. A blind adoption, mind you. From Vacuo. You know what we got? Chocolate brown skin and dusty blonde hair. Boom. Curse."

There's the sound of fluttering feathers behind them. Qrow straightens his back with a snap as he shapeshifts. "Ngh, agh! Ha… What are two doing just standing outside? Expecting another invitation?"

Jaune and Yang exchange a look. "Stalling," they say in unison.

"W-what? How did you two…? Nevermind." He pinches his forehead cause the moment is too familiar and he feels an irrational envy creep up his cheeks. "You two coming in or not?"

"Why so impatient all of a sudden?" Jaune asks.

"I don't take enjoyment out of watching a train wreck but if I can't stop it, I'll at least hope it's over quickly."

Yang puts a hand on her hip. "Not very optimistic, are you?"

"I prefer cautious," he says as he waves a dismissive hand and stalks ahead of them. "Besides, I don't want you two walking in there expecting things to go off without a hitch." He glances back to see them roll their eyes at the same time and that uncomfortable shiver is back.

"Now that you're here, a disaster's all but guaranteed," Jaune quips.

Qrow glares but neither of them lose their cheek. He rolls his eyes too, but doesn't show them his smile when he's got his back turned. He isn't too sensitive about his semblance – if anything, he's glad Jaune can treat him like he isn't a wounded animal – but he notices the twitch in Jaune's eye. It's there cause he's too soft a soul to have all the bite that quips demand. He almost wants to say sorry for it. "He's a good kid,"

Qrow thinks.

With a twist of the knob, he opens the door and then kicks up his heel to slam it open the rest of the way. He wanders in with a swagger and a mischievous grin. Both fit him naturally.

"Rae!" he shouts. "Your brat and her boyfriend are at the door!"

Jaune balks and shoots Yang a look. She gives him a quick, "He's just like that when he talks to her," and ushers him in.

"And you didn't let them in like a normal fucking person!?" Raven shouts back and it's like a nostalgic gust has poured over Yang. Raven's every inflection is recognizable, echoing deeply from buried memories. They argued like this often when she was small.

"They can walk through a door just fine," Qrow says, swinging into the archway that leads into a tall kitchen. "And lest you forget, I'm a guest here, too. Not your chaperone."

Jaune lets Yang wander ahead, eying her backside as she inches a trail behind Qrow.

Yang peeks in to see her mother chopping something on the kitchen table by the sink. Bravado has taken a backseat and the very reality of the situation has settled in like a bat to Yang's blindside.

"Do you really have to be difficult with me right now?" Raven says with a huff but there's no bite to it, just lazy exasperation.

"Yeah, I do…" Qrow replies. "This is our normal. The minute I go easy on you, assume I'm dead and you've encountered a terribly tolerable doppelganger."

Raven's cheek quirks and it triggers in Yang things she half remembers, and half convinces herself she'd seen in a dream.

"Hmph. Bold of you to assume I won't just take the trade as an act of divine mercy. Maybe this doppelganger can cook for the house every once in a while instead of free loading off my dinner."

"If you wanted me to cook venison, you could have asked."

"Not the deer again… Tai hates it when you bring the kill into the kitchen. I personally don't care that you track blood on the carpet, but he refuses to agree with my sentiments about a house that's lived in and not one you find sterilized in catalogs. Ugh, I'm getting tired just thinking of that argument."

"I know," Qrow agrees, leaning on the counter. "That's why I do it on purpose."

Raven tilts her head back to give her brother a smirk. "You're a scoundrel, Qrow," she says just before her eyes catch Yang's.

"Hey, Mom," Yang says out of instinct. It's too late to take it back.

"Yang, you–" she crosses her arms, "–who is this?"

Jaune's heat presses against her arm like the partner he is. Not in front like her protector, but beside her like her equal. She can feel the way he's hiding his nerves with the shudder in his arm. "Dad didn't tell you?" she says. "This is Jaune. My boyfriend."

Jaune, borrowing confidence he's learned from her, doesn't back down. "Good afternoon, ma'am," he greets, standing proudly. His fingers twitch against Yang's arm.

"Oh, he told me about him alright. I just wasn't expecting a familiar face." Her eyes lock onto him. She smirks when she sees he doesn't flinch. "You're an Arc, I take it? I recognize that face. Your father was in the news once or twice."

"Oh, you heard about the manticore horde? Or was it the behemoth at Glenn?"

"Neither. He blew up a dust shop."

Oddly enough, Yang feels him relax.

"Yeah," he says, scratching his head, "Arcs really shouldn't have guns."

Raven nods. There's no tension here, and Yang feels it's gone all too smoothly.

"Perhaps you can tell me the story," Raven offers as she turns back to chopping. "I have an old bet with Qrow I'd like to settle."

"What did you bet on?" Jaune asks.

Raven snorts. "And let you lie to give my brother the win? Please. I know you two are friendly." She glances back. It's the only other time through this whole conversation that she's looked Yang in the eye and it's still only for a second. She goes back to chopping. "Why don't you two go into the living room and wait for Tai while my silent shadow of a brother here helps me sort out this recipe."

Qrow shrugs and continues to say nothing other than whisper something to Raven that makes her blush angrily.

Yang peels off of Jaune and her insides broil unsteadily.

"Sounds like she's changed," Jaune says when he's in the living room alone with her on a wide U-shaped sofa.

She shakes her head. "She hasn't though."

"What? But the way you described her before–"

"–is all hearsay. I had a mom who left out of the blue. Before that she was jabbing back and forth with Qrow, needing help in the kitchen, and trying her best to be on top of things. Everything I said about her between that time was just me making assumptions about a woman who wasn't around for me to judge in person. I never actually knew if she changed any since leaving."

"So this is Raven Branwen: Unfiltered? If this is what she was like before, then maybe she's just trying to fit back into place the only way she knows how."'

She raises her knees to curl up but she forces them back down. She doesn't want to appear too obviously vulnerable. Not when her mother is still in the house. She tosses Jaune a meaningful glance. "Is it wrong for me to hate that?"

"Some people might say it is, but I think it's too much to ask someone who has had to raise her little sister all on her own to let her absentee mother just waltz back into her life like nothing's changed."

"I still don't know if you're agreeing with me or not."

"Cause I don't know either. Give me a minute to think on it and I'll probably pick a side but I'd much rather stay right where I am. On neutral ground." He squeezes her hand. "I'm here to be your backup, not your coach." Because they don't solve each other's issues, not every time, but they always help each other along.

She knows this, of course. She hasn't deluded herself into thinking that they could crack every case just because love had lofty ideas about making everything right. Being in love doesn't solve everything, it just gives you a partner to solve them with.

"I think I'm suddenly very tired," she says, leaning on his arm. "Wake me in an hour when dinner's ready."

"Uh… shouldn't it be done sooner?"

"Raven used to wake up at five AM to make breakfast in time for school. She takes breaks cause she doesn't always have the patience for it. Don't expect it to go any faster with Uncle Qrow in there. He's just there to make sure she doesn't skip any steps."

"That doesn't fill my with confidence," he says but she's already snuggling into his arm with a contented sigh.

With the sound of clattered pans and restrained yelling from the kitchen, Jaune decides to shut his eyes too.

-0-

Jaune is violently awoken by someone grabbing him by the collar and shaking him awake.

"You!" says the messy tuft of blonde hair presently pressed against his face. "You're… yer…. Hic!" The scent of alcohol is palpable. The smell is dizzying.

He blinks himself awake. "Uh, you're Mr. Xiao Long, I'm guessing? I'm Jaune. Yang said she mentioned me?"

The tuft of hair pulls up revealing the chiseled scruff of a well-worn huntsman. Faded scars litter his neck and chin, but that's where all the menace in him ends. Despite his tone, Taiyang has the look of a desperate man. His eyes are wide and a solid, beautiful blue. His cheeks have a slight plump to them that make him just shy of an Adonis.

Jaune makes the executive decision not to think along that line any further. But it's clear that Yang's got stellar genes and – No! Bad Jaune! Stop it!

Tai glances at the slumbering Yang, snoring softly against Jaune's arm. "What did you do to my daughter?" he says with a drunken pout that would look more intimidating on a pug.

"Uh, nothing!" he whispers urgently. "Nothing I swear."

He squints so much that he closes his eyes and nearly passes out before he jolts himself awake. "You… You and Qrow really are friends. 'Nothing,' he says… that's just code for plowed her till sunrise."

Still in a sleepy haze, Yang pushes her father's face away until he falls back onto the coffee table behind him. "Dad… leave him alone," she groans. "He wouldn't touch me even if I tore off his clothes and –" Her eyes shoot open, fully awake and painfully aware. Her scream then is almost silent, Jaune thinks, but he's pretty certain that's cause Yang's vivid horror is blasted like shellshock when she abruptly screams louder next to his ear and scrambles over the sofa to hide behind it.

He's still shaking his head to get the ringing out.

Qrow bursts in, Raven meekly peeking behind him. "What the fuck – Oh."

Tai is sprawled over the coffee table, squinting angrily at everything.

"Bird!" Tai accuses, swinging his arm out to point at him but slamming it on the hardwood coffee table. "Ow," he mutters as his aura flares.

"Drunk," Qrow greets. He hoists the man over his shoulder. "Sorry about this, kids. I think Tai's got his nerves bundled up again. I'll get him to detox upstairs after a nap."

"Uh, it looks like he'll be out for the week," Jaune says, shaking his head still. "I doubt a nap will fix him by dinner."

"Nah. Tai can burn all the alcohol out of his system with enough motivation and calories. He'll be ready by the time Rae manages to get something on the table."

Tai wiggles like an insolent child, fists lightly beating on the man's back. "Back off, Qrow!" he slurs. "You're not taking this one – hic – too… guh…"

"That's my twin sister, you dunce."

"Really?" Tai pushes his head up, eying Raven. "Pfft! Qrow, you are not that pretty."

Once the two of them have rounded the corner into Tai's bedroom, Jaune asks the quietly smiling Raven, "This happen often?"

"Not as much as it used to," she says. "Was a time when there were two whole families in this house and it was never quiet. Two men and enough testosterone to make a third made competition between them frequent. Qrow got Tai to drink and you can see that he hasn't acclimated to it as well as my brother does."

"Do you drink?"

"I'm a Branwen," she shrugs, "our blood is two parts alcohol. Small mercy that Yang hasn't picked up our habits. Or Ruby for that matter."

Jaune raises a brow. "Ruby's a Branwen?"

Yang nearly gasps from behind the couch, hands clutching her mouth.

"No," Raven says. "Well, she should have been but Qrow basically raised her all the same. He even knit her a tiny red hood when she was barely a foot tall, and it's been her motif ever since." Raven, eying him, closes her arms a little tighter around herself. As if guarded. Uncertain. "Despite how it may appear," she says, "I am glad my daughter found you but there's something you should know moving forward…"

Jaune prepares for the inevitability of the 'boyfriend' talk. It doesn't come. Raven is beside herself, eying the floor. "No matter what happens today, I do not intend to reconcile with my daughter."

He realizes that she doesn't know that Yang is in the room, just by the sofa. His heart knots. "You don't know if she wants that yet."

She laughs. It's bitter. "It doesn't matter. What Yang wants isn't coming into the equation. She needs to distance herself from me."

"What was the point of coming here if not to bridge the gap between you two?"

Raven chews her lip, wanting nothing more than to end the conversation and walk out of the room. She doesn't. Can't. "To prove that things have changed here. That me and my brother talk, and that Tai has… met me halfway."

"So this – all of this – is for show?"

Her features darken, her face hardens. "Yes."

He pushes himself up, almost prepares to march up to her. His feet don't push him any further. His willful restraint is there but it's paper thin. "And if she wants more?" he asks, inwardly begging her to give him a reason to meet her up close.

Her eyes narrow at the floor. "All you have to do is make her an Arc and she'll live a life better than anything I can give her!" Her gaze is at him, dangerous and unafraid, but its desperate. She's asking him a favor. "Asking me to be a part of her life is like active theft. You will give her all she'll ever want, but me? I'll only ever take things away. And if you give me the chance, I'll end up taking her too. She'll leave you like I did Tai."

The silence wanes and Jaune can hear the thumping in his own chest. She's making claims for things that haven't happened yet. As if she can't promise to give as well as she takes. As if she can't meet her own daughter halfway. As if she can't compromise. His ears strain to hear anything from Yang, but she's so deftly quiet that he feels alone in the room with her mother.

Muscle fastens onto bone, curling his fist inward till digs into his palm. His aura flares. The sound of it jolts him awake. He'd been holding his breath.

Then… he plops down onto his seat. Tension in his skin unwinds. All his disbelief slips away. Any anger he feels pools into his back to weigh him against the cushions. "But why?" is all he asks, looking up at her.

Raven is so taken aback by his sudden shift that she shows the tangled fear she'd tucked away for a moment. The question is genuine and – like her many nights moonlighting bars – she is tempted to bare her soul to a stranger. "Because I'm a Branwen," she says, eyes deadened. Scowling as if the name is a profane. "And even a terrible mother wouldn't wish that name on her daughter."

When she leaves the room, Yang rises from behind the couch. She doesn't focus on anything. She looks bewildered, pained.

Qrow comes down the steps and they look at him. He looks like how she feels. "I'm sorry if this wasn't what you were expecting," he says.

Yang clutches the backrest of the sofa. "I don't know what I was expecting."

Qrow gives her a worried look. "Maybe… maybe it's better that way."

He wanders into the kitchen, leaving them alone.

Jaune doesn't hold Yang. Instead, he fishes her gauntlets from the duffel bag, takes her by the hand, and pulls her outside.

-0-

She sets fire to a dead tree. The blast of Ember Celica ripples through the woods, scatters wildlife, shakes the canopy, and rustles the owls awake. She doesn't care. The blowback from her gauntlets as it makes contact with the deadwood is cathartic. Reflective of what she's feeling inside.

But it isn't anger.

"What does she even… Ugh!" Another blast, sending out a spent shell, light casting over her cheek and hair with accompanying heat. "I don't get it!"

She breathes in and out. Blinks moisture into her eyes. She's been doing the very opposite of crying and drying the liquid in her sockets. She's starting to feel dizzy. She slumps back onto a rock Jaune is sitting on, using his shoulder as a backrest. "I'm not… mad at her. I'm confused. And I'm mad that I'm confused. Does that make sense?"

"About as much sense as she was making," he says with a sarcastic smile.

She's trying to smile back. Even a little one might do but her lips down-curl. Her frown tightens and she sighs into the open sky. "I wanted to give her a chance," she says. "Maybe see where this goes but… now that I know she won't even try? How am I supposed to process this? Do I just do what she wants and not try either?"

He plucks a twig from a dead branch, snapping its length into little pieces. "Do you even want to do that? I mean, if leaving things as they are isn't what you want, then ideally how would you like all this to end?"

She takes half of the twig – snapping it between them. She picks it apart too.

An answer doesn't come.

They gather the tiny bits of branch and bunch it into Jaune's hands. Yang pulls out a fire dust shell from her gauntlet and cracks it open over them. Red particles filter over and into the loose wood bits. He spools them into a ball and his semblance surges over his arm.

His muscles tighten when he approaches the dead tree. It's barely as tall as he is now. His arm pulls back. The chunks in his palm ignite. He throws them like a man-propelled buckshot, scattering burning holes through it.

Even charred, the thing has dangerous embers dancing off its broken pieces.

"We should put this out," she says.

"Mm!" He kicks it down, unrooting it. Then he hoists it up. "Got another good punch in ya'?"

"I've got a few, yeah, but I'll save the rest for later. I only need one for this."

He crouches low, prepping to toss. "Ready?" he asks.

"Pull!" she shouts.

He tosses it into the air, scattering the scent of ash and char, and she swings her fist into it. The sheer force of the blow consumes the flame as it rockets and splinters into a tall rock.

"Y'know what?" she says. "If it's taking me this long to even answer, maybe this isn't what I want."

"So what now, chief?"

She snorts. "Don't give me ideas. Anyway, I say we take the aggressive approach. We got them a present, I say we break it out instead of handing them the box. Invite them to try it with us."

Jaune turns to the house where they left the duffel bag. He winces. "Are you sure about this?"

"I don't see an elegant solution. And it's probably stupid, yeah, but stupid has worked for us so far."

"Really? How exactly has it worked for us so far?"

"In what universe do hickeys stop two primed teenagers from having sex?"

"Ours, apparently…"

"Gets the tension out. Would be genius if I didn't find it by accident."

"Speaking of which…"

He comes up behind her and pushes her hair off her shoulder, exposing her neck.

"What are you – Ah!" she gasps when he bites her neck. Her aura lowers on instinct, letting him mark her.

He pulls away and wipes her dry with a handkerchief. "You taste like saltwater and ash."

She rubs her neck as the pain subsides rapidly. "We should bathe when we get back. What was that for anyway?"

"Revenge, mostly. Feeling petty."

"On me?"

"Your mom."

"Heh, yeah, she's gonna ask questions or implode trying not to. Actually, since we're getting shiners, we should get ones to match."

He doesn't protest but he's not happy about it. With a sigh he leans down but she's already jumped up to latch onto him.

She bites down so hard that he swears that she was actually trying to eat him. He'd be more okay with it if she didn't keep trying to one-up herself.

-0-

Dinner, somehow, is always pleasant. True to Qrow's word, Tai comes in completely sober. Jaune chalks it up to having a very useful semblance.

Tai is a chill dad. He nudges Yang when he sees the hickey, even when Qrow refuses to make eye contact with Jaune and Raven squints while warring with herself to say something but won't. Tai reintroduces himself and sits next to Jaune to strike up a conversation with him.

It takes minutes for Tai to fish out that Jaune has seven sisters, that he met Yang by throwing up on her boots, and that he used to have a crush on Ruby. The last bit comes as a surprise to everyone but Tai who pats himself on the back for having incredible girls in the family.

Jaune finds out that Tai is very much like Yang. Despite closing himself off for a good chunk of her childhood, he's clearly had a great influence on her disposition. Father and daughter joke and jab at each other, laugh just as loudly, crack the same kind of jokes (he tries not to think of them as mom jokes when he looks at his girilfriend).

Jaune eventually gets to tell the story of how his dad blew up a dust shop during his third year in Beacon. Just a mishap with a loose dust feeder, a weapon he didn't know how to use, and a particularly handsy bully. By the end, Raven cheers when she wins the bet. Apolian Arc punched a cop. Qrow bet that he punched a civilian.

They're unwinding in the living room when Jaune's eying the wall of photos. Summer's only in a handful of the group shots. Qrow explains that she insisted on being the photographer and didn't like being in photos herself. It's why she has the hood. It's comforting when she can pretend to be hiding.

She sounds like Ruby.

"I just noticed," Jaune says to Yang, "your mom's smiling in every photo. Qrow's the only one who occasionally doesn't."

"It was a different time," she says. "Qrow told me that she was cheery and crass. Would even crack a joke or two whenever she found the time to stop training and be a teenager."

"I'll be honest, it's still weird seeing her smile so much. I came in here expecting a variation of Glynda Goodwitch, not Qrow Branwen. Speaking of which," he glances back at the adults huddled laughing by the sofa, "we should probably break out the gift."

"Speaking of speaking of things," she rubs the hickey on her neck, "it still stings."

"Oh, sorry. Let me heal it."

She pushes his hands away. "No, I –" Her eyes widen. Pressing two digits into the bruised flesh, she feels the ache but doesn't hate it. "Okay, heal me quick before this turns into a fetish!"

Warmth pools out of his palms.

"Could you not make out in full view of her family?" Qrow calls from across the room, and they realize they're leaned a little too close.

"We weren't gonna!" Jaune calls out.

Yang rolls her eyes cause she's comfortable with them coming to their own conclusions about her relationship but Jaune's stint with Tai made him want to make a good impression. It was already easy enough what with Tai admitting that as long as Yang chose and continues to choose him, then he'll rest easy knowing she's in good hands, but Jaune wants to pile on the goodwill.

Those thoughts take a backseat when Yang reaches for the duffel bag by the coffee table. Goodwill be damned.

It's time.

Yang parts a few clothes and a hollowed-out cushion for their scrolls to fish out a crystalline bottle. "We wanted to hand this off in the box but we figured we might as well crack it open tonight."

With the way they're all staring at the bottle, it's clear they recognize it.

Qrow roars with laughter. "Ha! Diadem, the dirtiest fucking drink on the planet!" He comes up to it and holds the bottle aloft, fingers running over the bumpy, crystalline surface. "Ah, look at it. All prettied up for the upper class. Diadem used to be homemade and brewed in a shack. Used to be so strong that you could feel nothing for hours."

"'Course, the stuff's a little better refined nowadays. You used to taste fire dust in it too cause their shoddy furnaces were held together by spit and prayers. But look at it! Pricks like Jacques fucking Schnee or that Lucius ass-end-of-an-ass Merrigold would down this like it's water, having no idea that they're chugging the equivalent of desert moonshine."

Tai licks his lips and it almost feels like a bad idea before he shoots up from his seat. "I'll get the shot glasses!" he announces.

Raven is the only one not smiling. She's suspicious, but the minute the drink touches her lips and she's made wide awake, she melts into the same stupor as everyone else.

-0-

Yang barely registers what their plan was supposed to be. Loosening Raven's lips with the stiffest drink since frozen stalactites seemed a half-baked plan at best, but they didn't plan passed that. They might have been able to salvage it if they didn't take many drinks themselves.

Jaune took exactly one and he's already left her alone to start an intimate relationship with the toilet.

He did, however, get the ball rolling about last names for some reason. He might have explained why to her but she can't remember.

"They'll lose sleep over a friend who's had a bad day," Raven says with a snarl that isn't sincere so much as it appears to be her permanent tipsy-face. "Worrying up and down but will leave you alone after a smile cause that's all they need to calm their nerves. Their hearts are too kind…"

"Who…?" Yang slurs, struggles to think of the rest of the sentence, then starts over. "Who… who are you talking about?"

Raven scrunches her nose. "The Roses," she answers.

Yang buries her head in her hands and curls into her seat. "No… I don't wanna hear about Uncle Qrow's god-damn garden again…"

Qrow, sporting alcohol like one does water, kicks back beside her. There's something in his eye though. The alcohol is getting to him. "We're talking about the Rose half of the family. Y'know, Summer and Ruby?"

"Hm?" She squints. "Oh yeah… Ruby's a worrywart."

"Qrow!" Tai calls from beside Raven, looping an arm around her. "What's a Xiao Long like then?"

"They're all fucking crazy," he jabs. Yang and Tai simultaneously pretend to be hurt. "But! I've found that the more obnoxious they seem on the outside, the more worth you'll find underneath."

Raven leans into Tai and stares at Yang's feet curled up on the cushion. It's the closest she'll get to meeting her eyes. "They can be in your face," Raven says, "deftly abrasive, louder than foghorns, and wilder than ursa! But they're steadfast partners…" She looks up at Tai who has a half-lidded gawk to him that's like he's falling in love with her again. "Painfully loyal… and… dangerously persistent."

Yang feels a heat roll over her side. She leans into it until she realizes that Jaune's slid beside her and pulling her in by the waist. "She's right, y'know?" Jaune tells her quietly. "You never did listen when I asked you not to pursue me and, yet, here we are. You never did know when to quit but I'm glad you never quit on me."

She wants to return the sentiment somehow but words don't form and she's making faces that she worries he'll misunderstand. She's just mad at herself for not finding words. "F-fuck… That was a human sentence you just made. Why aren't you drinking?" she says instead, pushing an empty shot glass to his lips.

"No thanks. Diadem will literally kill me. I felt like I was throwing up my own organs. I swear I felt my lungs pull up into my throat. I am not touching that decanter ever again." He turns to Qrow who is squinting at them as if they're all out of focus. "Oh, shit, sorry, Qrow," Jaune says. Cause the man is sat alone in front of two couples.

Jaune tries not to wince when Qrow downs a shot and his eyes go glassy.

He is sat slumped at the last corner of the large U-shaped sofa. His scroll, set neatly below him on the coffee table, flashes over his gawk face as he leans into it. His hands are beside him, palms pointing upwards while his fingers twitch like roots animating in intervals. His slack jaw regards them with his deep gaunt, eyes meeting every face before he points his head to the ceiling as he falls back into the seat. Seems he's not quite as adept with so many drinks in him. Or maybe Diadem is a weakness.

He lets each eye blink individually before he announces, "I'm dating again!"

Everyone sits up. Okay, only kind of. They lean out but can't peel off the sofa. Except for Jaune who is sober. "Since when do you have time to date?" he asks.

"I don't," he chuckles, shaking his head as he comes back to his senses. "I flirt while on the job. Closest thing either of us will get to a date at this point."

Yang mumbles something.

Jaune strains his ears to hear her. Maybe the ringing from earlier hasn't stopped. "What was that? I'm sitting right next to you and even I couldn't hear you."

She pulls up before falling sideways onto Jaune's shoulder. "Who!?" she calls out to the room cause she doesn't know where Qrow is. Her eyes are still closed.

Qrow grins. "Winter… Schnee."

At first, when he starts talking about a mission they had together in Mistral, they think he's going to segway into a conquest. But he doesn't. He starts talking about how he and Winter shared in the fact that they both had a responsibility they shirked for duty. To protect the world their loved ones live in, they've chosen to abandon having lives of their own.

No one calls him out for clearly being drunk out of his mind nor for opening up.

He's got an anthology of moments with Winter. And each time he finishes a story, they're surprised whenever it doesn't end in heat. One time they do end it in a kiss, but it was on the cheek. She'd done it comfort him but they both knew it was hollow. It was an appreciated gesture, but it wasn't something that could help. They aren't wired to let something like that heal any kind of wound.

Winter doesn't know what it's like to have a delicate heart anymore and the idea of quiet comforts like a hug or a kiss feels so… unsubstantial to them both. They either needed more or that wasn't the kind of comfort they needed. Realizing this is why they started dating.

The stories are nicer then. They leave a movie theater ten minutes in when they realize that sitting around to watch actors pretend to be heroes isn't for them. They instead find a quiet corner in a bar but they don't drink. They talk and he jokes and she's smiling and they kiss and…

Raven is curled up into Tai now, staring at her brother with a look that can only be pride.

Jaune is smiling sleepily at him. Yang nestles into his chest as they scoop together on the sofa's corner.

Qrow gets up, scroll in hand, and leaves the room to call Winter.

Tai and Jaune fall asleep.

Yang catches Raven staring but is so out of it that she isn't sure if Raven caught her staring instead. The quiet makes the crickets fill the spaces beside something crackling outside.

"What are Branwens like?" Yang asks.

Raven squints, pulling herself out of her dreariness. "…What?"

"If a Rose cares too much but loves unconditionally, and a Xiao Long is a dependable but gets in your face, then what is a Branwen?"

She huddles into Tai, looking vulnerable. "We…" Her eyes narrow at the floor and she hisses quietly to herself. "I…"

A pang of empathy makes her sit up. "Mom…" she says consciously.

Raven stares at her. Yang can't tell if she's touched or just shocked, but when her eyes draw away and she clutches at Tai's shirt, words pour shaking out of her lips. "Branwens… are a curse." Something awful crawls into her cheeks, her features squeezing together so her few wrinkles cast shadows. There's a pain there that almost looks familiar, as if she'd had this look about her forever but only now is Yang seeing it for what it is. And whatever that pain is, it's old. Maybe even older than she is.

Raven whispers something to Tai before getting up. Halfway up the steps, she looks at Yang and Jaune before saying, "You should take him to bed. I don't care what you do with him but I'm sure he'll appreciate a warm mattress over a sofa."

"That's very considerate of you," Yang says as she eases Jaune's arm over her shoulder. "Thanks."

Raven blushes, deeper than the alcohol might, as she marches back up the steps. "Don't get used to it," she says, not meaning it.

Jaune sleepily wakes up with a good shake. "Ugh, babe, could ya' not?"

"Pfft! Since when do you call me babe?"

"In my head, mostly. Giving you a pet name will actively worsen my experience. You've got enough ammunition to tease me with."

"I'll fish them out of you yet. Pick up your feet a little. I'm taking you to bed."

"Please, no," he says, pretending to resist. "I'm still tender…"

She rolls her eyes. Even in a drowsy state, he still finds time mess around. "Don't cooperate and I'll sling you over my shoulder."

He scoffs playfully. "As if a free ride is gonna stop me."

Her eyes narrow. "I'm really going to do it."

"Whoa, whoa! Hey, I'll do it…" He yawns. "See?" His shin hits the coffee table and he stumbles.

Yang grabs him and leads him by the arm.

Tai stirs when they pass him by. "Honey?"

"Go to bed, Dad."

"Good night, Mr. Xiao Long."

"Please," Tai grins, "call me Tai."

Jaune squints. "Yeah, I'm not doing that."

"You're not –" Yang starts. "Oh, hey, look at us. Still in sync!"

"I think there just isn't a universe where I call your dad Tai." His nose scrunches up. "Yup, even sounds weird saying it out loud."

-0-

Yang's room is as she remembers it. Only, for once, it's completely tidy. She always had a habit of leaving a little mess somewhere. Sometimes it was hidden, like in a drawer or a corner under her desk, but not this time. Her dad (or maybe Qrow) keeps it cleaner than she ever would have.

Even her strung-up photos along the ceiling are still there. Dates and names and faces she thought would be her whole world. Only now she has a new circle of friends.

"This feels like a room for a different person," she says to Jaune after she's laid him in her bed. Her comforter is freshly pressed and still warm. "Like I'm looking at old me through a lens."

Jaune's eyes are still closed but he reaches for her hand over the sheets and says, "Or maybe this is the version of you your dad remembers. How different are you now from back then?"

"Not a lot, I think. I mean, we're only over a year apart," she spies a photo of her and Ruby glistening in the moonlight. It's of her last day in Signal. It was Ruby's last day too, apparently. "Or maybe I just haven't noticed." She shoots him a look and he can feel her stare enough to crack an eye open. "Comparing me now to when we met. Was I different?"

He shuts his eyes again, but he finds her hand and tugs once. Yang willfully falls onto the mattress next to him. "Hm… well you used to have anger issues in the ring. Even Ms. Goodwitch is starting to notice how you've mellowed out."

"Heh, I guess I have you to thank for that."

He places a hand over her face. He's still not opening his eyes but his nose scrunches up again. "No you don't."

She moves his hand off her face. "Eh?"

"That's all you, Yang. You made that change. If I helped at all, our friends did just as much."

Her lip tilts. "I was trying to flirt."

"I know but… we can't about this. Part of me still worries we'll do that stupid couple thing and forget we have friends."

"Hey, we've been good so far, I think… Look, we can talk to them and figure things out."

"Yeah, compromises."

"Yeah!" She curls into his arm. "But not tonight, please… I've enough things to worry about right here."

"Right… Okay, big picture later." He kisses her forehead. "Now sleep. We've had a day…"

"Yeah, a day…"

She gets comfortable under the sheets and on his shoulder for exactly a minute before she remembers something. "Fuck…" she whispers as she pulls out.

"What is it?"

"Forgot the duffel. I'll go get it and be back in a minute."

"Leave it, Yang. Come back to bed."

"Not taking any chances without our scrolls. Ruby might call us." She's already at the door. "Just a minute, I swear."

She finds her dad slumped against the railing that overlooks the living room. Steam billows hazily off his skin and through his jacket, his semblance burning away the alcohol. The area smells thinly like Diadem but mostly of water vapor. Yang's nose twitches at the familiar scent.

He's blinking a lot, head shaking.

"Dad?"

He turns in a start. Breaths pass through him in labored chunks, chest heaving. His eyes are puffy. Fingers twitch and his eyes steal glances at her as he turns away. There's a want – need – to reach out but she can tell that he doesn't think he's worthy of it.

So, she crashes into his back and hugs him.

A palm runs down his face. "I'm so… so sorry, honey," he says.

He tucks his arms into his chest so she can hold all of him. His hands clutch over her encircled wrists. "Dad… Dad it's okay. You were in a rough spot…"

"That doesn't matter… I'm still your father. You needed a parent and you ended up having to be one for Ruby. I… I hate myself everyday thinking about how you didn't have anyone… I… I should have… I'm so sorry…"

She knows telling him that he didn't do anything wrong or that he didn't have any control over himself would only be excuses upon excuses, perhaps only a handful compared to the thousands he'd piled for himself over the years. He knew he did wrong, and none of her strength coming out the other end of it is going to change that.

So, instead, she shifts to his front and pulls up his head. She wraps her arms around his neck. "I don't care about any of that anymore… I already forgive you. I did a long, long time ago."

She feels his tears running down her neck. Then she realizes that some of them are hers.

-0-

Jaune winces. He's been up for over an hour now. Yang slipped into bed with him but she'd been shaking and sniffling. He could tell that she'd been crying but the tears had dried and she'd been fighting off all that was left of whatever it was in his arms. Now she's sleeping soundly while he's been trying to piece together what happened on his own whilst constructing a speech in case it's Raven's fault.

Finally, he settles with getting up and loosening his nerves before really doing anything. Yang groans from the missing warmth as he stumbles out, scroll in hand.

"No new messages…" he mutters. "I hope you're alright, Rubes."

Pushing the door open, he notices an orange glow coming from downstairs. Over the railing, there's nothing below but darkness and moonlight through the windows. Even then, dark shadows waft passed the moon, clawing darkness across the floor.

"Strong, windy clouds tonight… It didn't look like it was gonna rain earlier."

The smell of ash filters into the air. "Ick… Wait."

He's awake now as he stumbles down the steps. The shadows in the window are moving too rapidly for any passing cloud. That's smog, and it clears passed the window for a moment long enough to show the orange glow outside.

The forest is on fire.

"Shit!" he howls as he runs back up the steps. Thinking quickly, he sets his scroll to Seven Rapids and blasts the heavy chorus riff at max. Leaving it in the hall, he can already hear everyone else waking up, groans and thuds all.

He busts through Yang's door. She's rubbing her eyes awake. "Jaune, what –"

"Forest fire," he says quickly, pulling out their weapons from the duffel bag.

She shakes awake. "What?"

Ember Celica crashes into her hands when he tosses them at her.

"The forest is on fire!" he says, not even waiting for her as he busts through the door again and leaps over the railing.

He tucks and rolls along the carpet, nearly colliding with a lamp as he slams through the front door into the suffocating smoke.

Heat rolls through the air like he's sitting in a boiling pot. Even his aura flares at the licking flames that whip in the wind, coiling off the trees like infernal tendrils.

Jaune thinks back to the embers they tried to douse. "Did we do this?" He shakes his head. The thought is useless right now.

The fire burns over a host of trees like charred pillars to the darkened sky, but they're all centered ahead. Most the forest is untouched still. They can contain it if they hurry. They can't stop the fire, but they can stop it from growing.

So he speeds towards the outer rim of the roaring flame where the trees are unburnt and pours his semblance into his arms. One enhanced swing fells a tree, then another, and another, but he knows he can't keep it up. He can't cut these down so easily once he's out of juice.

Qrow blows passed him, slicing a tree himself, clad in only his pants and the greatsword in his hands. "I'm guessing you and Yang have the same plan?"

"Cut off its fuel?"

Tai runs by them as sand pours out of his skin in layers. He's using his semblance and earth dust in his palms to cover the dried leaves on the ground. "Fell those quick!" he shouts. "We don't have much time!"

On the other end of the fire, Yang and Raven are busting a row of trees. Yang's fists tighten with every strike, but even if she can split a tree in a single blow, her aura suffers from the blowback. It isn't any better with Raven whose forearms flare with every swing against the sturdy oaks.

"This isn't working!" Raven shouts.

Tai sprints passed them with the familiar glow of Jaune's semblance running over him like a white shell. A layer of sand up to their ankles forms underneath them, burying dry leaves and loose branches. They could really use Jaune's semblance too. Their arms are aching.

"There are people in these woods," Yang says. "We can't let this get any bigger. Vale's never gonna send any help here fast enough without someone getting hurt."

The fire spits pillars of ash and smoke their way by a rogue wind. They turn to shield their eyes. Yang blinks through the haze and sees something in the distant dark of the woods behind them. Glowing red eyes bob rapidly between the trees, charging towards them.

Yang growls. "Ugh, we do not have time for this!" The cylinders in her gauntlets click together as she loads in fresh shells. "Raven, you're clearing the wood better than I can. Keep at it while I cover you."

Raven's hand fall quickly on her shoulder. "No," she says sternly, "this is all pointless. We're destroying our bodies for a cause we've not the strength for."

"I don't care!" Yang hisses. "I'm still doing this. Whether or not you're behind me helping at all won't change that." And with that, she bolts into the dark and the twisting red eyes in the woods collide with her.

Flashes of her gauntlet colliding with grimm flesh light up the yawning dark. Blackened fur rimmed with pale external bone all scorch and smolder with her every blow, a comet to meet the streaks of vicious red eyes.

Raven backs away from the sight, seeing Summer Rose instead.

Jaune comes up behind her and Raven feels a rush of power coursing through her veins. Her pain vanishes. Her strength feels like it's multiplying. Trees fall with ease then, matching rhythm with her daughter as Jaune runs to her side to fell grimm together.

Raven sees Tai in Jaune's place too.

Minutes pass as the fire is choked on all sides but one. Raven sees Qrow and Tai on the other end, making progress. They're exhausted, heaving through labored lungs, and she can feel her own trying to crawl out of her throat.

She dares to glance back at Jaune and Yang. Something looms overhead of them: a single red eye in the canopy. There's no time to parse what it is. Raven's already sprinting over to them.

She cuts a portal mid-sprint and she leaps into it. Her momentum carries through and into the air as she rockets up from the other end of the portal that manifests at Yang's side. Omen surges with dust as she empties the canister in her sheath and swings into the red eye above.

Fire dust surges in a swath against a mass of stone and charred bark. It's a geist amalgamated into solid wall of wood and stone.

Raven swings again, ice dust crashing into it and pushing it up. Again and again and again. Wind, earth, lightning, gravity. The last one splashes a purple glow over the grimm as it slowly floats, all of its form ensconced in a gravity well that tugs it into the sky.

She swings but she's out of dust… And she's falling. Her skin rustles like pinpricks as she starts to shapeshift into a bird, but she stops when Yang zooms passed her. Jaune's semblance is folded over her, making her glow like an ascending meteor as she crashes dead center into the red eye.

With a thunderous crackle, she breaks through and the night sky gleams passed her. She whoops while she's up there against the moon.

Raven falls into Jaune's arms below. His semblance is already working its way to ease the ache but she pushes off of him. "Thank you," she manages behind a heave of her chest, "ha… but the boys aren't done yet. Help them with the fire. They'll need it more."

Jaune nods without hesitating and sprints off towards the remains of the flame.

Yang falls into a controlled descent as Ember Celica slows her momentum with a few blasts. Her arms aren't blasting evenly. They probably still hurt. She lands into a stumble and lets herself fall into a sitting up position. She's breathing a lot.

Raven sits beside her. Somewhere in the distance, the boys are cheering.

"We did it," Yang says.

"You sound surprised," Raven says.

"Cause just like you, I didn't think we could do it either."

Raven lifts a brow. "So why did you keep pushing?"

"To prove to us both that we were wrong."

And Raven laughs, hardy and true till she's tearing up in one eye for a moment. "You really are Summer's daughter," she says. Her smile is infectious.

Yang hides her smile in her knees, huddling them close to her chest. "I'm yours, too."

Raven's mouth thins sadly. "But you shouldn't be."

"I don't think you have a choice."

There's a blue shimmer through the treeline now. The boys are trying to finish this quicker by using ice dust to enclose the largest parts of the fire in pillars of ice. The pale light resembles frosted glass.

"We're pragmatists," Raven says.

"What?"

Raven tilts her head at her. "You asked what the Branwens are. That's it. Pragmatists." Not a curse this time. This is her honest answer.

Yang huddles closer as Raven's gaze turns faraway. She knows what's coming because Raven, in her disheveled shorts and worn shirt, her ragged hair and muddied skin, is vulnerable. Her artifice, the one of strength that championed her tribe, is gone.

"We like to pretend we have room for love," Raven continues. "That's never the case. Never true. My mother and father died at a burning beach while Qrow and I fled with the tribe. Nevermind that our eldest sister died with them, more brilliant than either of us will ever be. It didn't matter that she deserved a life brighter than either us could ever make it. A Branwen is hardwired to protect something bigger than they are. To us, that was always the tribe. The whole of it. Not its members, not its kin, nor the ones we dared to love. Just the tribe. The larger whole."

She sighs slowly, letting her breath catch in the now cold air. "Then Beacon came and Ozpin changed all that. Suddenly the tribe wasn't our greatest responsibility. Ozpin had drilled in us the want to protect the world of all things, and he gave us the means to do just that… I remember being excited to save lives. Plucking civilians from impossible odds and reveling in the praise. Summer and I even seemed like sisters for a while – we were so giddy. Like sisters…"

Yang unfurls when Raven tucks into herself. Yang's hand is warm on her shoulder. "The day Summer died was the day we realized we'd made her a Branwen. That she chose the world over us. Over her daughter." She glances at Qrow slumped against the ice wall. "Over her fiancé."

"It wasn't why I left, mind you. That was different. That was futility on my part. I couldn't save the world from something impossible, not with what Ozpin had us face. The tribe had to be my answer after that. Something I could save. Thought I'd find a little peace in scaling back. Scaling down. It felt like I was regressing but I wasn't like Summer. Didn't have the courage to face insurmountable odds like the compassionate fool she was…"

"Mom…"

"You… don't have to do that. You don't have to call me that. I know it doesn't mean anything."

Yang chuckles. "It means whatever I want it to. And right now, it means this." She squeezes her arm again. She knows it isn't forgiveness – not quite yet – but it's a step in that direction. More than she expects. More than she deserves.

"No room for doubt," Raven says. "You're Tai's alright."

"So, I've got some Rose and Xiao Long in me," Yang says proudly. "Doesn't mean there's any shame in having a part of me still be a Branwen."

Raven's lips thin. "Yang…"

"Hush," she says quickly. "Part of me still wants to save the world but I'm also in it for the thrills. I might not end up like Summer. I might not choose to martyr myself if I know I have people waiting for me. I can be selfish too. We all are. I think… I think there's value in being a part of all three."

"Four," Raven says. "That boy you've tied yourself to. You seem content when you're with him. Comfortable even. If he's involved, you're as much an Arc as you are a Branwen…"

"God…" Yang blushes. "You make sound like I'm married to him already."

"If it comes to that, you have our blessing."

"W-what!? Mom, isn't it a little soon for that?" Yang's shock fizzles at her mother's sad smile. "…Mom?"

Raven's gaze is on the house now. She's tearing up. "It's… it's funny," she says with some difficulty. Not through sobs but grit, almost anger. "I feel like I have everything I dreamed about having. I've got family again, a daughter that might love me, a loyal husband, an honest brother. I've even got a quiet home in the middle of the woods. It already has a rose garden and a dog. All its missing is the white picket fence." Her teeth grinds. Her head shakes in disbelief. "But I have to throw it all away…"

Yang's chest squeezes. "What… what do you mean?"

Raven won't look at her. "By Summer's end, that house will be empty. And it will stay that way until you decide to enter. To come back here." Raven's hand finds Yang's. "Because we – your father, uncle, and I – will be going back to Ozpin. We'll be gone for months doing work for him. And maybe we'll see each other again, but it won't be much and never for long enough."

Yang's skin grows cold and clammy. She doesn't like what she's seeing, the sheer finality in her mother's eyes. Resigned to some inevitability. So this is what it means to be a Branwen. Somehow, she understands but she has coasted along the unknown for long enough.

"What is Ozpin doing, Mom?" She asks. "He sent out Ruby earlier this week and –"

Raven jolts into standing. "What!? He has Ruby!?" Her eyes are white with fear. She doesn't wait for Yang to answer, sprinting back in the direction of the boys. "Qrow! Ozpin has Ruby!"

Yang follows, jogging behind her.

Qrow curses. "No, no, no!" Frantically, he fumbles for his scroll. "This can't be real…" His face is going red with panic.

Tai snatches his scroll from him. "Enough! The both of you!" He breathes. "Enough… If Ruby is with him, then she did so willingly."

"But she… she…!" Qrow stammers.

His hand goes to squeeze his shoulder. "I know…"

"I can't lose another Rose to him," Raven gasps. Her sword is already out, prepared to open another portal. Tai's hand takes her by the wrist.

"And we won't," he assures. "We'll cover every gap and protect her ourselves. Maybe even see her on the field."

Jaune joins Yang's side as the other three huddle together. "What's happening?" he asks her, squeezing her hand. "They mentioned Ruby and I'm more than a little worried right now, I'll be honest."

"I don't completely know either," she says. "But it's larger than we are… Than all of us."

Raven rips open a portal before hugging Tai. She nods to Qrow, and they step into it, leaving Tai behind. With a sigh, he ambles over to Jaune and Yang.

"We should talk."

-0-

Tai explains that they all had a job from Ozpin a long time ago. That there was a serial killer and a disgraced Atlesian scientist, and that those two unsavory sorts were only scratching the surface. It was saving-the-world type stuff, and along the way they lost Summer because of it.

It still isn't done. Those two are still at large and there's word of there being more in league with them. That's all he's allowed to say but Tai has – for the past few years – allowed himself to grow complacent since they went underground.

Not anymore. He, Raven, Qrow, and Weiss's sister, Winter, will spend everyday onward tracking them down.

He lets slip that there's whispers of missing huntsmen in Mistral. Yang mentions that Ozpin had Ruby go out to that kingdom to meet someone. Tai tries not to show how much that bothers him.

They won't be seeing each other much from then on, he says. They'll try to keep in touch but they'll be knee deep in places the CCT has no signal in. He doesn't look forward to it but it'd make Summer proud that they're out there doing what needs be done.

The next morning, Yang wakes up alone in bed.

She stumbles down the steps into an empty living room, but then she hears the clamber of porcelain plates in the kitchen. She runs in only to find Jaune at the sink.

Behind him, the dining table has five plates of a warm breakfast. Omelets, tiny sausages, and a minced venison smothered in soy sauce till it's a blackish brown. Three of the plates are half eaten. They were here but left in a rush.

She slides into her seat. The noise of the chair catches Jaune's attention. He drops a letter beside her. Both their names are scrawled onto the poorly folded note.

He sits beside her. "I didn't get to see them myself but I found this and a set of keys." She shows her the worn keys and drops them neatly by her plate. She recognizes them. They're for the house and they aren't spares. One of them even has the word "FRONT" roughly carved into it. It's filled in with golden stencil. She and Ruby did that, back when they were kids.

She opens the letter and reads it aloud. "Sorry. We'll try to be home by tonight. Don't wait. House is yours."

"Not very eloquent," Jaune says after swallowing, "but they were probably in a hurry."

"Eloquent?" Yang laughs. "Where'd you pick that up?"

"Weiss had a few choice words for my poor poetry back in first year. I told you I picked up a few things from her."

He's already finished the sausages on his plate. Yang remembers to eat.

"So, what now?" he asks her. "We house sit for a few days until Ruby shows up?"

Yang shakes her head. "No… that isn't what they mean by the house being ours. They don't actually know when they'll be back. School year might even end before they do."

"That's… a long time."

"It is, but in the meantime," – she wiggles the keys – "we actually own the house."

Jaune frowns. It's deep and it cuts just as well. "That sounds like a parting gift."

Swallowing an omelet, her head falls onto his shoulder. "It is."

Then the door busts open and they hear Qrow slurring in the next room. He's accompanied with another voice, Winter's, as she shoulders him into the kitchen. She's stringing together insults whilst blushing up a storm. They're quiet them when they find Jaune and Yang.

Qrow squints as if unsure of what he's seeing. "Ohhhh," he bellows before whipping his head back. "They're still here!"

"Ahem," Winter says. "Forgive my intrusion. Present company often ends our meetings this way."

"Which is weird," Jaune says, "cause Qrow can walk just fine when he's drunk."

"He can… what?" She shoots Qrow a glare and he gives her that stupid grin of his. He's not even close to sorry. She shoves him off her and blushes against her pale skin. "You're insufferable. Trying to get a rise out of me.."

He hobbles back a step but his grin seems carved into his cheeks. "Heh, nah. I just like being close to you."

Raven peeks into the room then with Tai close behind. Her hesitation lasts only a moment before she hurries in and Yang's already bolted out of her seat to hug her.

"You came back…" Yang says. Her hands reach out grab her dad so they can sandwich her mother between them.

Raven squeezes. "I'm as much a Rose and Xiao Long as you are. I figured the world could wait till we could all say goodbye. At least."

They pull away. Raven's age shows along the harsh circles around her eyes.

"So, this really is goodbye," Yang fathoms, weaving her digits into that of her parents'. "This… doesn't feel real. Everything's happening so quickly and I just got you back and… and…"

Tai pushes strands of her hair behind her ear. "Life's abrupt," he says. "Especially when you become a huntress. You'll often find that your whole world can change in a day. Adapting to that is a skill you have to learn."

Raven's eyes narrow. "But we're not worried. I was scared for you all my life but every time I looked back, you were already over another hurdle." She holds her daughter again. "And just like then, I'll miss you every day."

Yang's grip tightens around her. Like she's hanging off the edge, held on by a thread. She can feel it slipping, digging into her palm. She knows she has to let go but there's a part of her now that's made her an Arc. She's defiant. Foolishly, optimistically, defiant. And it's with that nonchalance that she peels away and suggests, "We're all home. We should have breakfast. Like a family."

Qrow's already sat down and Winter has already eaten most of his venison. Tai insists on sitting next to Jaune again, and Yang huddles the closest she's had in years next to her mother.

Ruby never makes it to Patch. All they get is a nerve-wracking call from her that's more apology than explanation. Qrow tells them she's in a good hands.

They don't tell him that that isn't the point.

-0-

It's halfway through their second year that Jaune and Yang step back into their dorm rooms. They'd come two days early since they didn't want to stay in an empty house and an empty apartment didn't feel much better.

Jaune finds Ren and Nora snuggling by a bean bag. (Nora's messing with his hair while he goes through a book on Vacuan flora). Pyrrha isn't home since she's with her family, but Sun is lying on her bed and he greets Jaune with the kind of enthusiasm he needed.

It takes him a while to realize that his smile is forced. "Sun, please tell me there's nothing wrong with you and Pyr."

"What? Oh, no! Everything's fine with us!"

"He's been fussing about something else," Nora chimes in as she twists knots in Ren's hair. "And he won't tell his big sister, Nora, so you know it's gotta be big."

"Uh, I'm a year older than you."

She squints. "Why is everyone older than me!? I know Ruby's sixteen but I'm starting to feel like a toddler here."

"Nora," Ren says, "I'm younger than you."

Nora wraps her arms around his head to squeeze him against her chest whilst clasping tightly over his mouth. "Shh, same age, honey."

Sun turns to Jaune. "What…?"

"Nora made them have the same birthday when they were kids. Flipped a coin on who got to keep theirs. Ren lost." Jaune decides not to mention that it was to simplify a holiday for two survivors in the woods. Less stress on their resources when they buy only one cake a year and have to share it. "But enough about them. What's got you all knackered?"

"Knackered? Who even says that anymore?"

"Ylda Braveheart. Now quit stalling! What's going on, man?"

There's a knock on the door. "Come in!" Ren says. He's already put his book down and is snuggling back into Nora. She and Jaune exchange a look. Something's up.

Yang and Blake walk in. Yang joins Jaune on the bed while Blake crouches by Ren and Nora who both drag her into the bean bag with a yelp. They laugh at her expense, and for a moment it seems like it's just a visit.

Then Weiss and Neptune walk in and stand there in front of them all, locking the door behind them.

There's a thickness in the air. Jaune and Yang are already holding each other for strength. Sun curls into his knees beside them but Jaune won't have that. He reaches over and grabs his shoulder. He shuffles a tiny bit closer in response.

Weiss shuts her eyes, squeezes Neptune's hand, and stands tall. Like a performance demands, she is rigid and neutral, but it's too much and her knees wobble. Neptune catches her and reaches for a nearby chair. He rubs her shoulders after he sits her down and she's starting to breathe evenly.

"Nice and quick," Neptune whispers to her, and it's audible in the relative silence.

Yang and Blake have been standing since she buckled, unsure if they should run over and hug her. She spots them and raises a hand. "Sit, please. This will be easier if I do this without having to cry on something…"

Neptune kisses her head. Her hand finds his massaging her shoulder, and her other balls into a fist. "I'm… leaving team RWBY."

PART 9 – Adaptation

Yang is afraid she's hurting Jaune when she hears the news and tenses up, her fingers closing tightly over his. Little parts of her feel pain, like her pulse is bulging in her veins and stretching out of her skin. Then she realizes that it's her body telling her to go and hold Weiss close. Stop her talking cause it's easy to see how much all of this is hurting her and she's still so painfully afraid that her friends are going to hate her.

Yang bites her lip and leans out. Her hand is suddenly cold. Jaune had let go of it. "Go," he whispers.

She's off the bed and crashes into Weiss just as she's inhaling. Neptune backs away just as Blake runs over to join them.

Weiss stops talking cause she can't at this point. Her arms reach around them both but her nails curl into their backs as her fingers twitch and anything she wants to say is lost in her sobs.

"It's okay," Yang says. "We know you have a good reason."

"We'll still love you," Blake adds. "Doesn't matter if you're here or not. We're still a team."

To Weiss, that all seemed enough to uncoil her fears and breathe relief.

-0-

"I have to be his daughter. His heir," Weiss explains when they're all gathered at the empty cafeteria. "I'll have to play his games and do everything I can to keep my integrity and still be me."

Her sister informed her around the time of the boat trip that her father was planning to discredit her and seat her brother as next-in-line. "I know it sounds almost foolish but my plan was always to juggle life as a huntress and as an heiress. To prove that I could follow in my sister's footsteps without needing to make any of her sacrifices." Her hand, the one not holding Neptune's, falls to Myrtenaster resting magnetically at her hip. "Winter gave me so much when she trained me. I wanted to prove to father that none of that was a waste of time. It worked for a while, too. Atlas was abuzz with news on my departure. That I'd taken the strength of the old Schnee vanguard and vowed to marry it with the capitalist empire. That we were still the staunch knights we always were and that our nobility hadn't tarnished that."

"Why can't you just stay?" Nora asks, eyes gleaming like the absent Ruby. "Why does your dad get to take even more from you?"

Weiss smiles placatively at her and wishes Ruby was here too. "Because I've learned a lot in my time here with all of you. I've learned that Remnant will always have enough amazing huntsmen – there's already so many at this table." She eyes them all but stops at Blake. "But I've also learned that there's a lot of good I could be doing. A different kind of good for my people in Atlas. Human and faunus."

Blake gasps. There's a sting in her chest. "I'm… so sorry."

"Don't be. All that time staying up together has given me perspective. The kind I feel is uniquely distinct to a Schnee. I need to use that. Maybe get my brother to see it the same way."

"Will you have help?" Yang asks, locking eyes. "I'm not willing to let you go alone."

Weiss leans into Neptune. "I won't be alone."

"We'll have to keep our relationship secret," Neptune explains, "but I'll be at every function, every gala, every fancy dinner. Dad's a shipping baron so we've already let rumor spread that I'm looking into partnering with the Schnees to get trade into Vacuo."

"In a few months' time we'll be married, too," Weiss adds, giggling in way that's resigned and heartbreaking. "It's hardly the way we wanted it to go but it's how it has to happen so father doesn't marry me off for a business venture. We'd do it today if I was already eighteen."

"Are you sure he won't reject you at the door?" Jaune asks.

"Not when I come in as bargaining chip. I'll flirt my way through a few prospective suitors and he'll see I'm still too useful to throw out." She snuggles into Neptune's side and he wraps an arm around her. "We've spent weeks planning. And though I'm sure things are going to go terribly wrong at some point…"

"…We'll adapt," Neptune finishes.

Even though there's hope here, the moment feels strained. A tension in the air is either like knots in the heart or the tightening of a noose. So Jaune and Yang put on brave faces and stand up.

"This isn't how we should be spending this day together, isn't it?" she asks with a grin.

"It's a going-away party," he says, "so we should have a party. Ren? Join us in the kitchen. Let's bake a cake."

Nora's already on Weiss and Blake. "C'mon! I know a buffet outside of town that sells their raws cheap. I'll even show you two how me and Renny grilled fish! I guarantee that you two princesses won't find anything like that at your fancy dinners."

Blake opens her mouth. "Actually, we–"

"Hush! Mommy's talking."

Neptune and Sun trade looks.

"Should we get the drinks?" Sun asks him. "I know a way into campus we can smuggle alcohol through."

"Actually, just pump me full of sugar. This might be the last time I get to have soda since I'll be spending the next few years getting used to wine."

"Ew!"

"I know!"

-0-

When the semester starts, Glynda Goodwitch announces that Ozpin won't be back for a month or so still, so she'll be acting headmistress.

The sister teams are all worried about Ruby but she sends them messages with a few photos that she's on a mission with Ozpin and what looks to be a farmhand. They don't expect to be back for a while and she isn't even allowed to update them but she slips them messages anyway. (She doesn't know how long she can keep up the ruse that she had a spare scroll from before Beacon).

Yang's nerves get the better of her until Jaune convinces Qrow to give them an update. Somehow the photo of Qrow, Raven, Tai, Winter, and Ruby together like the disjointed family they are is a monumental comfort. She makes it her wallpaper. Jaune promises that they'll all get a chance to get in that picture together at some point.

With Goodwitch so busy, it leaves combat class to Professor Port. It's a blessing in disguise since the extra class drains him enough to sleep through most of his own class. He gets worried for a while until everyone gets visibly excited for what is effectively a free period and some students actually get comfortable enough to sit with him on his desk and share real stories for a change. He isn't always telling them this time either.

The teams spend a lot of time on the roof where they're allowed to grill. Jaune, Nora, and Blake make a show of their techniques and Weiss, who is sitting on the sideline, lets the collective aroma of their sizzling platters soak into her skin.

They also take turns teaching Weiss and Neptune how to cook. It'll be useful when they get a place of their own. They hadn't considered an apartment yet, actually.

"Trust me," Yang says, "after what you two are gonna go through, you could use a getaway that's just yours." She shares a meaningful glance with Jaune who blushes, suddenly unable to keep eye contact.

They make that second boat trip with the same crusty boatman. Sun and Blake tie on the number of lobsters.

They spend a night in the apartment, cramped together and drinking till sunrise. (Pyrrha learned to mix drinks with her uncle over the break and Jaune hasn't puked so much in his entire life).

They joyride in Jaune's new Highway Aries and the boatman's Beluga van to the same cabin they went to with Saph and Terra. Joan can drive too, apparently, and they decide that seating her next to the excitable Nora is a recipe for turning the winding country roads into a roller coaster. (Jaune, Yang, Weiss, and Neptune end up trailing behind the van because of it.)

They rent out a thawed ice rink and have their own school dance. (Jaune spent the week teaching Neptune how to lose his second left foot).

And they skip class on Friday to spend their last day together. Ruby even manages to call Weiss and they find out that they might even meet in Atlas for a while. (Jaune and Yang are starting to suspect that Ozpin already knows about the scroll).

In the next morning, Weiss's bed is empty cause she had to go alone in a separate flight. Neptune has to arrive a day later on a separate trip. It's abrupt and even though they all knew it was going to happen, it still feels like it came out of nowhere. The space Weiss leaves behind is palpable.

She manages to send them all one final message with a photo. She's holding Blake's little triangular team flags she made for them during last year's Vytal Festival against the window of the bullhead.

"We'll always be a team."

-0-

Jaune cracks an eye open at the sound of clicking on screen . He's in the apartment, in his room, but his door is open halfway. Through the dark he can see Yang and Blake's faces lit against a scroll on the couch. Blake is sleeping on her shoulder.

They set her up with the guest room (Yang's long since migrated all her things into his anyway) and they must've gotten up at some point last night to chat.

He shuffles out of bed, scratching his bare chest and blinking away his drowsiness.

Yang can hear him. "Mornin'… Evening? Morning. It's one-AM."

He peels around the doorframe. "Shouldn't we be quiet?" he says in a hush.

"Nope," she says, not even looking up from her scroll. "Blake said she wanted to wake up to the sound of people so the room feels less empty."

Regardless, he sits on the softly beside her. "Is that why she stayed up so late?"

"She used to wake up early with Weiss. Sometimes she'd fall back asleep when Weiss got her early morning shower, but with her gone she's hoping to sync up with me instead."

"Maybe Ren's more her speed. He gets up early to get breakfast prepped for Nora the rest of the team if she didn't eat it all when we got there."

"Too bad they're not roommates."

"Yeah…"

Blake shuffles. Her ears twitch and there's a smile on her lips.

"She seems comfy," he says, laughing. He can't help but think they've adopted a stray though he won't say it aloud.

Yang's thinking the same thing but keeps her mouth shut too. "She met with Sun and Ilia for brunch yesterday. She came in when they were already talking about him losing Neptune. She felt like an outsider listening in."

"She didn't walk away, did she?"

"No, she sat with them and they talked. Even admitted to how she felt. They tried to make her feel comfortable and Sun had no trouble talking about it, but even they admitted that it feels like she's just a step out of her element. She's going with Pyrrha to meet with them again later tonight."

"I'm guessing she's not particularly enthused?"

Yang nods. Blake stirs but doesn't wake. "She thinks losing Weiss is upsetting everything else in her life. She usually doesn't feel that kind of doubt when talking to them. Pyrrha's doing her best to help on her end, too, but she might need some more outside help to get her out of this funk."

Her scroll buzzes. Jaune instantly recognizes the sender. "Ruby?" His voice is hopeful, almost desperate.

She ruffles his hair. "Don't worry about it. If you start losing your cool, then I will too."

He rolls his eyes with a smile. "Sorry, I just miss her."

"She wanted to talk to you but she's only got enough courage to message her big sister. She's still beating herself up for being gone so long. She's afraid you might hate her."

He fishes his scroll out of his pocket, squeezes his face next to Yang and Blake's, and takes a photo. "Morning…" he types, "…Crater …Face." A moment passes after he sends it.

Yang's scroll is then blasted with exclamation points before a video call starts. Their hearts soar when they hear her whine for the first time in weeks. "Yang…! I wasn't ready!"

It's dark wherever she is, huddled in a closet judging by the hangars swinging above her. Zwei is whining and scratching somewhere in the background.

"Sorry, Sis, but we're a package deal now!" Yang says.

"We miss you," Jaune says, the look of him is anything but teasing.

"I miss you guys, too…" she looks away, head half hunched in shadow. Her expression is unreadable.

There's a shuffling on her end of the call, she looks up, eyes wide, as some light pours into the closet she's in. "Ruby?" a hushed boy's voice says. "Is everything alright?"

Her eyes dart and she gets up in a panic. Jaune and Yang stay quiet as the closet is shut and the scroll spins in the dark for a moment before her face shows up again next to the same farmhand in her photo with Ozpin. "Keep this a secret. Please?" she asks him.

"I… sure. Lips sealed. What are you–?"

"Yang, Jaune," she says quickly. "This is Oscar. He's my, um, partner for the mission I'm on."

"I, oh, uh, hi," Oscar stammers. "I'm Oscar." He slaps his forehead. "Stupid. She already said that…" Ruby giggles.

"Aw, Jaune," Yang nudges him. "He's you, freshman year."

Jaune huffs. "I like to think I was as confident as I was awkward." He gets up. "I'm getting peckish. You want any coffee?"

"The orange juice, please."

"Weak!" Ruby teases through the screen. "Milk is the way to go. Keep up the store-bought pulp and I'll be taller in no time!"

"I prefer oranges freshly squeezed myself," Oscar adds before he shuts himself up. He seems afraid to add to the conversation.

"They are freshly squeezed though," Yang says. "Right, Jaune?"

"If two days ago counts as fresh, then yeah. Reminds me of home."

Yang sniffs the air. "Are you cooking tuna and eggs again?"

"What? Clove didn't have much fish and poultry. We had beef, pork, and way too many vegetables."

"It's one-A.M.!"

"And we're out of snacks. Now do you want some of this or am I gonna split it with Blake?"

Blake rolls her cheek up the backrest to look at Jaune. The smell probably woke her. "Mm… You'll have no objection from me."

"He was a farmer?" Yang hears Oscar ask Ruby. "I thought he was a huntsman."

"Huntsman-in-training," Ruby clarifies for him. "He grew up in a farm. I don't think that counts as a farmer but he used to herd cows. Even had this brief stint when he was ten where he'd run with the farm dog and bark at the cows to help wrangle the cattle."

"Pfft!" Yang and Blake snicker. "What?"

"What are you laughing at?" Jaune asks from the kitchenette, stood in the lowlight.

"Nothing!" Yang calls back. "Feeling better, Oscar?"

"Oh. You noticed?"

"It's okay. Meeting new people can be scary. Can't have been any easier with Ruby."

"Actually, she could barely look me in the eye." Ruby bumps him but can't deny it. Oscar stays smug. "Ha ha… Had to ease into meeting her. She caught me in the middle of work and she scared me so much that I almost fell off the hayloft with the way she squeaked her greeting. I thought a mouse got in the feed again."

"Oscar!" Ruby whines. "I'm putting you through the ringer for this."

He looks scared. "Uh… mercy?"

They spend the some of that morning together. Ruby builds confidence enough to promise to make another call if Oscar can keep covering for her. They also find out Ruby is training Oscar and Yang couldn't be more proud.

They're somewhere remote and secret so Ozpin isn't taking chances with the security breach but Ruby hopes that a closet is enough to be inconspicuous. She still can't tell them why she's there but she will when they arrive.

They. As in both of them. Oscar is coming to Beacon. It should be exciting, even just a little bit. It's not going to fill the gap Weiss left behind but it means less quiet. Plus, Penny is with them and she might come too. But Yang picks up the sadness in Ruby's eyes whenever Oscar asks about Beacon. There's something wrong.

When Oscar goes off to distract Ozpin and Jaune takes Blake to the convenience store, Yang asks, "Sis, what's going on that you're not telling me?"

Ruby chews her lip. "I can't say," she says for the umpteenth time, but Yang can feel the weight of it now that it's coming out of her mouth and not through text on a screen. Somehow, that makes it harder to let it go.

"I'm scared for you," Yang admits, "I'm worried that something else irreversible is coming and…" No, she tells herself. She can't put this on Ruby. "It's okay. I trust you. I'm worried but I trust you and before you say anything, nothing you say will break that trust."

Ruby curls closer to the scroll, like she wants to hug her. "Thank you…" she whispers.

"Just come home safe…"

"I love you, Yang."

"I love you, too, Sis."

-0-

The dorm room doesn't have the comforts it used to. Yang almost feels ashamed for leaving it behind half the time but Blake tells her that it isn't something she should worry about. She always made time, even if her memories seem like a blur of blonde hair and blue eyes. It doesn't mean she valued her time with them any less.

No one can blame her for falling in love.

Still, with Blake snoozing under some double-wide bedding across the room, Yang feels alone in the room.

She sits up and she hears a startle somewhere. She realizes the silhouette she thought was Blake has been just a mess of pillows. (Blake pulled her and Weiss's beds together to get comfortable. Didn't work. All she's got now is more room to feel cold in. They still miss her).

Another hushed sound reaches her. She gets up and walks around but she stops when she spots Blake sitting on the floor against the wall. Her ears are twitching.

"What's happening?" Yang asks.

"I can hear Goodwitch in the JNPR dorm."

Yang shuffles closer. She can hear the faint tap of the headmistress's heels but nothing more. "What is she saying? Are they in trouble?"

"I thought so at first, but no. It's something about a transfer."

"A transfer? Like a student?"

"I don't know. I'll keep listening."

Yang wants to go back to bed and grab her scroll. Jaune could answer her if she asked. She bites her lip.

"There's someone else," Blake says. Yang's limbs stiffen again. "She sounds familiar but I could be wrong. She's talking about… Moving furniture?" She peels off the wall. "Maybe I shouldn't be listening in."

Yang realizes that she's probably working herself up over nothing too. "Maybe, but it got you out of bed at least." She laughs. "I've been worrying myself ragged about this team, but unlike the other two, you're actually here." Arms wrap around Blake's thinner shoulders. "I hope you aren't blaming yourself for all of this."

"I am but I know it's stupid," she admits. "Weiss having an epiphany was bound to happen anyway. And her father would have forced her to leave whether we turned out to be friends or not. But there's always that little side of me scraping at the back of my head. I'm so painfully aware that it's there that I could almost reach out and strangle it."

"Pfft! You sound like Weiss."

"Heh, well we'd spent over a year together. Some things were bound to rub off on each of us. In fact," she looks at Yang meaningfully, "you didn't explode once during that whole talk about Weiss's dad. Jaune have anything to do with that? You've been minding your temper."

She rubs the back of her head. "No, not entirely. I mean, we've helped each other along but we can't give each other all the credit. I've mellowed out cause we lost at Vytal and I crashed at a bar. Cause I came home a mess and you girls set me straight. I won't say that solved it completely. I think I gave myself enough time to ease out of my anger issues over the summer and finding Jaune and ending up in his apartment gave me places to feel normal and happy for a change." She's blushing now, can't help the heat rolling tight circles in her cheeks. "Did I ever tell you about that? No… I don't think I've told anyone. Being in that apartment let me glimpse a life of being a civilian. Not a huntress-to-be, just a girl living in the city she swears she'll die in. It felt simpler, domestic. And I kind of liked that. I kind of really, really liked that."

"I envy that," Blake says with a knowing smile lying sideways on her knees. "Not the civie life but the happiness. I'm glad you found someone. Honestly, it's kind of crazy you two aren't completely official yet."

"I, uh, I think we are? I mean, it's not like we've talked about it again since all this craziness happened but we've said the three-word thing, named our kids, we own a house together and –"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What? Rewind there for a second."

"To which part?"

"I don't know, all of it?"

Yang shrugs and that is equal parts everything so like her and everything that's frustrating. "I don't know. They all just kind of… happened?"

"How do you just happen to own a house now?"

"A couple birds left it on my dining table and flew out the open door."

Blake squints. "I… I can't tell if you're joking."

Yang grins.

Blake's ear twitches to the faint sound of a door closing. "JNPR…" she mouths as she hears it. "…moving out?"

-0-

Blake thinks she heard it wrong. Yang tries to tell herself they could be misunderstanding something but when they meet with JNPR, they don't mention a thing. Jaune and Pyrrha are all smiles, whilst Ren is keeping Nora from any more antics. Nothing's changed.

It eats up at Yang more than she's willing to admit but Blake doesn't need to be told in order to notice her best friend writhing inside of herself.

On occasion she can see Jaune stealing glances at Yang. He's noticed that something's off too. Sure, Yang is keeping it close to her chest, but she isn't loose in the way she usually is. And even though her being a little more guarded might make sense given recent events, Jaune's been with her long enough to notice that she's been easing back into her old self. The regression should be obvious.

Blake nudges him at the end of Port's class. "Talk to her," she says.

He nods, a determined look to him. "I was gonna wait till she was ready. I guess I have to act this time."

Blake smiles. "Just like you, she'll need a nudge sometimes."

Jaune jogs over to Yang as she rolls her eyes at something Nora says. She should be laughing instead. His eyes narrow.

"Yang."

"Oh! Hey, sorry, I thought you were with Blake and Pyrrha. Did you need something?"

His hand clasp over hers and people around them pull away and snicker. He takes her hand and pulls her to the wall and out of the way. "Don't think I haven't noticed you worrying about something. What's wrong?"

Normally she'd come out and say it. Even before they got this close. Before they were together. She isn't the kind of girl that lets these things lie. But she's lost so much in the past few weeks and she's feeling more and more vulnerable. More and more fatigued.

And this? What she's worried about? Hushed whispers in the night that might ultimately mean nothing? Half of her thinks it's fears she's digging up for herself to pile on the already rich avalanche of things she has to deal with. Another hates herself for doubting him, and that she's ashamed to reveal she doubted him at all.

But they were supposed to be able to talk about anything, right?

Her mouth opens.

She remembers her mother. She'd looked so stoic when she said goodbye, daring not to fall apart and swallowing her fears. With a sigh, she lets it go.

"It's nothing," she says with an easy sigh. "I'll tell you about it later if you're so curious but I'd like to stop worrying about nothing and focus on the things that actually need my attention."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Now I'm hungry."

"We still have class."

She takes his hand. "I don't care. Your girlfriend needs a pick-me-up."

-0-

Yang walks back into the dorm with a spring in her step. "Evenin'," she greets Blake who's lounging on the bed.

"Had a good night, I see? He not kissing you goodbye at the door?"

"We parted ways earlier. Said he had an errand to run."

Blake stares at her with a smile. Yang returns it before going back to her scroll. Blake's nose scrunches in confusion. "Well?" Blake asks.

"Huh?"

"What did he tell you?"

Yang winks. "Sweet nothings if that's what you're asking."

Blake's face goes through a series of emotion. "Yeah. Good. Great. Perfect." She sits up as her ears sharpen. "But what about last night? With the whispering and all that?"

"Oh! I, uh, I didn't ask about it."

Blake slips out of bed. "Okay, I've had it. Waited all this time to find out so let's just go over there and ask."

"Right. Sure." Yang picks up after her and doesn't bother to put her school shoes back on.

Blake stops just as she exits the door. Across from them is the JNPR dorm and the door is ajar. She twists back to Yang. "Was that open when you passed it by?"

"I didn't notice."

They approach the door and feel a draft coming through. The door swings to the side as they enter and the thud against the wall is the only sound.

The JNPR dorm is empty. Even the blinds have been stripped away and one of the windows is cracked open.

A hole opens in Yang's stomach. Confusion, mostly. Anger, even if she can't place it. She doesn't know what's happening.

Blake's hands are sweating too when they reach for hers. "Your scroll is buzzing," she says and they run back to their room.

Yang has a message from Jaune.

'are you decent?' it reads.

'uh…. Yeah?' she replies after a cursory glance at her uniform.

'perfect'

Yang stares at the word. His scroll didn't even get to auto-punctuate it. She's already typing another message. Where are you right now? I was at your dorm and it's empty – She stops typing when they hear a grunt and a thud.

Blake's ears perk up. "Nora?"

Something breaks, like snapping wood, then Yang can hear it too.

"Hah!" Nora shouts. The thud after shakes something in their room. "Hah!" Another shudder, louder and resonant. "Hng…!" They can feel the way she's inhaling. "Hah!" Then their wall shakes.

"Hah!" Then a chunk of the wall pops out and swings aside like a portal door. They can see Nora behind the hole. She's in the next dorm room. They transferred next door instead of across the hall.

Nora peeks in with a wide grin, the light behind her shining over her features like a beacon. She pulls away and her hammer carves down into the hole till its roughly the shape of her silhouette. She kicks away the loose boards and cement around her and stomps into the room.

"Evenin' roomies!" she announces with gusto and caked in dust.

Jaune slips passed her in shorts and a worn shirt, pillow under his arm and eyes half awake. He walks up to Yang and takes her hand. "Sleepy?" he asks.

She realizes she's exhausted. Relief lets her body feel its fatigue. "Yeah…"

He pulls her to bed and they fall in together. She's confused but doesn't focus on it.

"What is happening?" Blake asks Ren as he comes in with Pyrrha in tow. (Who has already apologized but her smile doesn't slip away even once).

"Jaune said that it was starting to get a little quiet here in your dorm," Ren explains. "So, we hatched an idea to trade rooms with your neighbor's. Team ASHE took a room on a different floor instead of taking ours."

"Miss Goodwitch was very accommodating," Pyrrha says. "Went so far as to levitate most of our things from one room to another."

"She almost said no," Jaune says with a yawn, "but when I explained why we were doing it, she just sighed and drew up the permit."

"You need a permit to switch dorms?" Blake asked. "Wait, there's a permit for that?"

Nora hoists the hammer back onto her shoulder. "Permit's not for the dorm. It's for breaking down the wall."

Blake can't help but a feel a tingle under her skin, and it rolls into heat when Pyrrha and Ren squeeze her between them.

The night draws down and they got rid of the bits of dust and talk about how they're supposed to tear the down the wall. They'll put up two beams they'll have to pay for themselves but the rest of the wall can go away and there will be nothing between the two rooms in a few days.

And when they're all cleaned up (and splitting two bathrooms between six people), they push the four RWBY beds together so they can crawl under the collective sheets. In the middle, Yang sees Blake shiver happily between Ren and Nora, calmer than she has been in weeks.

Nestled against the curve of Jaune's neck, she nudges him. "Thank you for this," she whispers.

"It wasn't all me," he murmurs.

She flicks his forehead. "You're allowed to take credit for the idea, at least. Besides, I feel like I should reward you somehow."

"Fine," he grumbles but his smile doesn't sell it. "As for the reward, I'd ask about the rent but I think we should stay out and keep the bill thin this month. I don't think I can meet the payment this time if it gets any bigger with electric and water."

Yang chuckles. "Hey, you asked for the heavy down payment so you could sidestep the interest. That car is a money sink and you should've seen this one coming." He whines and she kisses his nose, making him whine some more. "Still, I'll still have to find a way to thank you."

"Missionary always works for Sun," Pyrrha chimes in from behind her.

Jaune and Yang's eyes go wide.

"What?" Pyrrha asks as they stare at her. "Too vanilla?"

Yang squeezes a pillow to her own face. "Pyrrha!"

"What? Oh! Sorry. I hadn't realized that you… It's just that Sun's been gentlemanly and I tried to get him to talk dirty to spice things up so I ended up having to do it myself and –"

"Uh, Pyr?" Jaune stops her. "That's not it. We, uh, we haven't done it yet."

She tilts her head. "Missionary?"

"Sex," Yang whimpers.

Nora shoots up. "What!?"

Yang shrinks even further. "Are you all awake!?"

Ren turns an open eye behind him and Blake peers sheepishly over the length of his arm. No one looks sorry.

"Ugh…" she groans. "Is it too late to call this a bad idea?"

Pyrrha pulls her away from Jaune and into the collective cuddle of everyone else. "Not on your life, Xiao Long."

She mouths a "help me" to Jaune.

He reaches under his pillow, pulls out his scroll into its camera, and mouths a coy "No," before the shutter snaps.

The photo goes up with the rest of the stringed ones Ruby set up earlier that year. Eventually, they flood it with more memories till the ceiling is lined with their found family gleaming from wall to wall to wall.

[anxietysroomsupport]

Hypermobile anon here. First, thank you so much. It's just nice to know there's someone here for me. And to give a little more info, I have a serious problem where if I'm not currently in pain. I don't remember how bad it was. I know everybody does this, but my brain literally checked out as I was going to bed recently and I fell on the floor. I nearly forgot to tell my physical therapist.about it because it didn't really hurt. So, I can't do the pain scale very well, and I never remember (1/2)

(2/2) It just makes it sort of hard for pain relief when I don't know I'm going to need it and don't have the energy when I do. Also, on the vitamin subject, I know that I've had vitamin d issues before (bad heat exhaustion and allergy scares = going outside less), bad enough that I was close to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm not sure about the others, but I do know I'm not amazing healthy, so? I take calcium pills for the vitamin d, though. Again, thank you guys for all your help.

.

We just got a bill from my PT place that says we owe money that we can't pay. They told us up front how much it would be with our insurance, and my mom's been paying each time, but it says we owe 177 dollars. Sure, it's not a lot, but we're not rich and trying to send a sibling to college. If we can't get this sorted out. I can't just not go. 10 exercises I can do at home and 5 appointments is not enough to help a chronic disorder. I cant focus and I have practice in 30 mins. -Hypermobility anon

Same day but later when I'm feeling a little better (my director was very supportive though so that's nice), I'd seen the letter and heard my parents talking a bit, but my mom told be as we got to school for rehearsal about PT. I got upset, and I felt bad because I could tell she felt bad because she didn't expect me to be upset, and in the heat of the moment I said "chronic illness" in front of my mom for the first time. She loudly (not quite yelling) (1/?) - Hypermobility anon

said to me "That is the most self-pitying thing I've ever heard. Chronic illnesses are like cancer". Sure, I probably should've said disorder and not illness, but I'm scientifically right. Then I said "It is, it's chronic pain, I am always in pain" and she said "Well then clearly PT isn't helping anyway" - I??? When I went in after 15 minutes after another girl, since we were both there for an hour and a half, I decided to stop trying too much to hide my crying (useful masks) (2/?) -HSD anon

since the other girl was in the hall to eat, and when I managed to explain to the director, she was understanding and nice, and when I said chronic, she said that I should never have to live with that, especially at my age. And when I mentioned not being able to sing at that moment from my crying, she pointed out how I was singing an empowering song that was about standing against the bad stuff in life, and I was perfect for it. I know my mom was just mad, but it just drained me.

Sorry I keep sending asks so often, I just feel like telling someone this. I decided to put 'zebra' in my bio. It's a thing that people with EDS and HSD sometimes like to call themselves. I like it, so even though I just have my name and pronouns, plus a random joke, in my bio, I added it. It just feels like a step in the right direction to remembering that I don't need google to tell me I'm dealing with this every 5 minutes. Accepting it, I guess. :) -HSD anon

.

My sleep schedule just keeps getting worse and I think it's my ADHD combined busy days and pain but I just never want to sleep anymore. I can't, I don't want to, and it hurts physically and mentally to just lie there and see if I can fall asleep. 80% sure my circadian rhythm changed to sleep at about 2 am but I get up at 7 and have a chronic disorder that's getting worse because of this I *need sleep*. And I'm so scared I'll mess up, want to make a side blog for it but want to make one (1/2)

for something happy first because I always figured that if I had side blogs they would be ask blogs or for fandoms or whatever. But I got a little better at not caring what other people think, so I haven't really needed one for fandom. But I looked through the tag and felt so comforted by some of the stuff that I just think it would help me. Maybe I'm just extra bad tonight because I went outside but also talked about it a fair amount with a friend I hadn't seen recently who didn't know. -HSD

.

I wanna talk to my physical therapist about hip braces because I tried a knee one we have and it honestly helps, but my hips are worst so I wanna see if it would help, but they're pretty expensive. It's hard to find dual hip braces, from what I've seen in my research, and even though one more than the other, both cause me issues. Idk, I'm conflicted, because it could help but is it worth all the effort? Also, even if it's under clothing it's still physical evidence (1/2) -HSD anon

(2/2) of my "invisible" disorder. Also, stopping exercises for a few days because of not feeling well from my covid shot reminded me of just how much time I spend on them, so it's another thing to deal with this. . . Idk, sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to just deal with it. I still have pain anyway, though it might be a little better. Less often, maybe? I don't really remember. It's not stressing at the front of my mind all the time, but the back of it. I'm just conflicted. -HSD

.

HSD anon here, idk if I mentioned it in an ask already, but recently I had a small breakdown because I was watching something where a character was in a car accident, as was trying to push through having trouble walking even with a hip brace. After a minute, I registered it and just thought "That could be my future". My joints had already been acting up and then they got worse, so I don't know if it was cause and effect? But I don't exactly know what to call it other than a trigger. (1/2)

Physical and emotional effect, at least I'm assuming on physical because I've had a bad reaction to something similar before, but like, I don't have trauma, I think it's more fear of the future. And I don't want to use trigger incorrectly, it's insensitive to those who actually have triggers. I'm just so confused.

Forgot to sign the last ask with 2/2 and HSD, whoops.

.

Hfnsiwk I'm not ready to walk into PT tomorrow and say that I don't think months of PT have been helping but I have no way to be completely sure because for all I know it's the weather since this is the first year I've known/it's been noticeable. Maybe it's just change, I don't know, but it just feels like such a waste of time if it really didn't help. Plus, I'd stop, and while that'd be great, I do enjoy being stronger, even if it didn't help pain. I have 12 hours and a bad pain day idek. -HSD

.

Hi Hypermobility Anon,

I think I found all your asks and got them in the correct order.  And found your last ask!

I’m so glad you kept writing in.  I think you should go ahead and make your side blog - you definitely have enough material for it.  Wanting to make a happy side blog also is a great goal to have, but if you don’t know what it will be yet, don’t let that prevent you from doing something you know you want to do and that will probably help you.  

You are dealing with So. Much.  Your mom especially sounds like she just is not ready to accept the situation.  It’s not self-pity to state your actual conditions.  It’s just reality.  

Forgetting about pain is normal, and really all you can do is try to write it down or make some kind of note about it in the moment or immediately after, so you can refer to it later.  Maybe you can track your pain events in your phone notes.

I think your idea to add “zebra” to your bio is a good one, this is part of your life and just something you have to deal with.  It sounds like you’re finding a community for this.  

Sleep schedules are tricky, and feeling like you desperately need to sleep can make it so stressful that it starts a vicious little cycle.  Some strategies to get around this are First, remember that just resting is okay and helpful too, even if you don’t fall asleep.  Letting your body lay there to rest is good for you.  

Second, if you’ve spent several minutes laying down without falling asleep, its okay to get up and walk around, or any small light exercise that’s comfortable for you.  The goal with this one is to get out of the bed for a bit.  It will help your brain to re-learn that the bed is for sleeping only, not for laying awake.  That association can help signal to your brain to start its sleep-process when you get into bed at night.

Third, it’s really common to have a changing circadian rhythm during your teens and twenties.  That’s just a thing that happens and you can’t do much about it, so just try not to worry too much.  Sleep when it feels right and when you can, instead of trying to force yourself to sleep when you’re “supposed” to.  

If hip braces would help you, you should definitely at least mention it to your physical therapist.  You might research online for any used ones as well.  A physical sign that you have pain can have good and bad consequences, but I think the good consequence of being in less pain far outweighs any others.

The triggering event you described is not so much a trigger as it is just a genuinely really upsetting situation.  You related really strongly to the character you were watching, because they’re dealing with similar problems to you, and to problems you could have in the future.  It’s a lot to process.  But while you could potentially be in a car accident, remember that television is made to dramatize events and probably made it seem a lot more difficult and scary than it really would be.   

Since we know you sometimes forget your pain, it’s safe to say that the exercises are helping you manage it, and you say that they’ve made you stronger in general.  Those are good things, and I would recommend you continue the exercises you can do on your own even if you end of ending  your physical therapy sessions.  We don’t know yet if your pain might have gotten even worse without therapy.  You’ll have to find that out on your own if you stop exercising, and then decide whether it’s more worth it to you to continue exercising or to live with the pain.  Whichever you choose, it’s Your choice, Your body.  Take care of yourself. <3

-bun

[buckybeardreams]

Unwanted

Chapters: 7/11

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Characters: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Brock Rumlow, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Harley Keener

Additional Tags: Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alpha Steve Rogers, Omega Tony Stark, Service Top, Dominant Bottom, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Virgin Steve Rogers, Brock Rumlow is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Romantic Soulmates, First Meetings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sappy, Romantic Fluff, Awkwardness, Drinking to Cope, Self-Worth Issues, Insecure Tony Stark, Insecure Steve Rogers, Age Difference, Harley Keener is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Bonding, Claiming Bites, Claiming, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Non-Explicit Sex, Light Dom/sub, Mutual Masturbation, Coming Untouched, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, Knotting

Series: Part 1 of Second Chances

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11

Can also be read here

Summary:

Steve is a soft Alpha and Tony is an in charge kind of Omega with no desire to find a mate. He doesn't want to find his soulmate and when he does meet Steve he's determined to stay away from him.

That is until he realizes just how right they are for each other.

Words: 1,898

After that they saw each other almost everyday. When they weren't together they were texting or talking on the phone and at night there seemed to always be phone sex, until Tony suggested that he wanted to see Steve, then suddenly they were getting off over Zoom. It was overwhelming to Tony just how quickly his entire life seemed to revolve around Steve and yet it wasn't nearly enough.

It was a week after Sam and Brock's dinner party that Tony's heat hit. He was at work at the time, heading through the kitchen to get to the employee break room in the back when he hunched over in pain.  Tony groaned, suffering through what must have been the worst cramp of his life and it had come on so fast and out of the blue that he seriously hadn't expected it. Bucky turned the stove off and came over to Tony, cautious because Tony got a bit touchy about Alphas trying to help him, but clearly concerned.

"Tony? You okay?"

Tony shook his head.

"No, no, something's wrong. I think I'm dying," Tony moaned dramatically, dropping to his knees and curling in on himself until his forehead was pressed up against the cold ground.

"Should I call 9-1-1?" Bucky asked, not entirely certain what was happening.

Tony knew exactly what was happening, even though it had never felt this bad before, at least not so quickly. This was so sudden, the awful cramps, the heat coursing through his body, the slick pooling in his underwear. This was his body's way of demanding a knot when it knew it had one available, when it knew that its soulmate would come and provide exactly what it needed.

Tony whined as he fumbled with his phone, pulling it out of his pocket. His hands were trembling and he could barely unlock it before he was cramping up again and his phone slipped from his grasp, clattering to the floor, his arms wrapping around himself.

"I need my Alpha."

Bucky froze.

"Your... Alpha?"

Tony nodded, groaning in pain.

"Please, Bucky, I need him."

Bucky stood there for a moment longer, stunned by the news that Tony had an Alpha, but he swiped up the phone when Tony cried out in pain again.

"What's his name?"

"Steve," Tony whined, sounding more like he was calling out for his Alpha than like he was telling the name to Bucky.

Bucky's heart twinged in his chest, but he ignored the jealousy that he felt at the thought of Tony having an Alpha. It wasn't like Tony had ever shown an interest in Bucky anyway. Tony had never shown an interest in any Alpha, at least not that Bucky knew of. Bucky found Steve's name easily, there were dozens of calls from and to him in the past few days alone. Bucky gritted his teeth, biting back a growl and called Steve. He answered on the first ring, like he was just sitting around waiting for a call from Tony.

"Are you on break, pretty Omega?" The voice on the line, Steve's voice, said, a fondness to it that made Bucky's heart ache a little.

It was like the thought of Tony calling him on his break was the most adorable thing ever to Steve, but in a way, one that Bucky couldn't quite pinpoint, it seemed almost more like an Omega inquiring about their Alpha's day, than an Alpha asking their Omega a question. Bucky wasn't sure why he felt that way and he immediately shook the strange feeling away. Bucky couldn't say anything for a moment, a lump in his throat.

"Tony?" Steve asked, sounding a touch concerned.

"No, um, this is Bucky. I, um, work with Tony. He told me to call you."

"Why? What's wrong?" Steve demanded.

He sounded so much like a concerned Alpha then that Bucky disregarded any strangeness from before.

"I think he's going into heat," Bucky answered immediately.

Just then Tony cried out again and Steve cursed.

"I'll be right there. Tell him I'll be right there."

Bucky relayed the message to Tony who started sobbing, maybe from relief now that he knew his Alpha was on the way, or maybe just because he was overwhelmed and in pain. Bucky wasn't quite sure. He could hear rustling and a door creaking open and slamming shut over the line.

"Bucky?" Steve asked.

Bucky's eyes widened at the sound of his name coming so unexpectedly off of Steve's tongue.

"Can I trust you to keep him safe?"

Bucky's eyes landed on Tony.

"Of course," Bucky said without a second thought. "I would never let anything happen to him."

Steve paused, like he was considering something, but then he just thanked Bucky and hung up.

Bucky helped Tony up off the ground and into the break room. He then went to talk to Pietro who was working the bar and told him to call his sister, Wanda, in to cover the rest of Tony’s shift. When he returned to the break room Tony was curled in on himself, but he reached out for Bucky when he saw him.

"Alpha, Alpha," Tony sobbed, clutching onto Bucky's shirt.

"Steve's gonna be here so soon, Tony," Bucky promised, sitting down next to him on the shabby second hand couch. 

Bucky stiffened when Tony climbed into his lap and his breathing picked up. This was the closest to Tony he'd ever been and the Omega was scenting so pretty. Bucky had to swallow down a growl and clench his fist to keep from touching him. Steve showed up in record time, driving over the speed limit to get there. Pietro pointed him in the direction of the break room and Steve burst in, heading over to Tony immediately.

"Oh, baby, shh, it's okay. I'm right here, pretty Omega," Steve soothed, scooping him up off of Bucky's lap.

Tony immediately nuzzled up against Steve, his entire body relaxing, recognizing that its Alpha was here now. Suddenly all was well with the world. Steve didn't have any personal experience with an Omega in heat, but he did know that the moment of relief wouldn't last long. He eyed Bucky, his eyes raking up and down him and Bucky dropped his gaze, not wanting to appear as a threat to the other Alpha.

"He climbed into my lap, I swear," Bucky blurted out, then immediately cringed.

What if this guy was the kind of asshole Alpha that would get pissed off at his Omega for touching another Alpha?

He didn't know Steve, so he had no way of knowing, not that he really thought Tony would put up with that kind of shit. Even strong headed people like Tony could end up in abusive relationships though.

"But he's so out of it, man. I'm not even sure he knows it was me," Bucky added just as quickly.

Steve raised a brow at him, chuckling slightly.

"Trust me, Tony can do whatever he wants to do. I'm not going to tell him who he can or can't touch."

Bucky relaxed, nodding.

"Good, well, um, you should probably get him out of here."

"Yeah," Steve agreed, heading for the door.

He paused, turning back, just the slightest of a blush on his cheeks, but something sincere in his eyes.

"Thanks, Bucky."

"'Course, I'd do anything for Tony."

Steve hummed.

"Yeah, I get that feeling."

Bucky wasn't quite sure what to make of that and Steve wasn't quite sure what to make of Bucky, but he didn't have time to think too much about it.

*****

Steve drove much more carefully as he headed to Tony's place, calling Brock first to get the address since Tony wouldn't say more than Alpha and please. Tony was wrapped around Steve, rutting up against him and rubbing his ass on Steve's crotch, which wasn't exactly safe seeing as they were on a motorcycle going forty-five miles an hour.

Luckily, Tony lived close by and they made it there in under five minutes. Tony even let Steve set him down on the couch and head off to the kitchen to slice up fruit for his Omega. Steve was just plating the food and setting it on a tray when Tony whined, a high pitched sound that had his Alpha rushing to his side, the tray of fruit abandoned.

"What is it, pretty Omega? What do you need?"

"Need you!" Tony demanded, the whine more of an order than anything else.

Tony grabbed Steve's shirt and tugged until his Alpha loomed over him, his hips rolled up to meet Steve's and they both groaned at the feeling.

"Fuck me," Tony said in that almost growl sort of way that was both adorable and such a turn on.

Steve whimpered, tugging down his sweats and boxers until his dick sprang free. Tony was already wet and open when Steve undressed him, his body preparing itself to take his Alpha's knot, but Steve still pressed a finger experimentally into him, moaning at the way Tony clenched around him.

"More," Tony whined, grinding down on his finger.

Steve sucked and licked at his neck, right where his mark would go, adding a second finger. Tony rocked his hips and rolled them, anything to get more pressure. He just needed more.

"Your knot, Alpha," Tony told him, licking at his lips. "Give me your knot. I'm ready. I can take it."

"Whatever you want, pretty Omega. I'll give you whatever you want," Steve promised, pulling out his fingers.

Steve's tip felt hot on his hole, delicious as it pressed inside and the stretch was heavenly. Tony's eyes fluttered shut when Steve was fully seated and so did Steve's. Steve knew he should probably stop, but he’d never felt anything like this before, the way Tony felt all tight and hot wrapped around his dick. His hips stuttered forward, trying to push in even deeper. Tony moaned, rolling his hips, a gasp falling off his parted lips.

"You like that, baby?" Steve murmured, kissing and nibbling at his neck. "You like having your Alpha's cock inside you? Filling you up?"

"S'good, Alpha," Tony slurred. "Gimme more. I need your knot."

Steve grunted, pulling his hips out slowly before easing them back in. Steve had always assumed he would like being fucked. He had never really thought much about getting his dick wet. He had been fingering himself since he hit puberty, but being with Tony like this brought out a desire in him to protect and provide. He just wanted to give Tony pleasure, to make his pretty Omega happy.

When Steve's knot finally popped, Tony sighed in relief, feeling like he was exactly where he belonged. His arms wrapped around Steve's neck and his legs wrapped themselves around his lower back, holding him close.

"Don't leave me," Tony mumbled sleepily, his eyes fluttering shut.

Steve physically couldn't leave Tony right now, but he knew the Omega wasn't talking about that. Tony didn't want his Alpha to help him through his heat and then walk out on him. Steve nuzzled against him, careful to keep enough of his weight off of Tony that he wouldn't be uncomfortable, but still staying pressed close so Tony would feel secure.

"Never," Steve whispered, like a secret whispered softly into the night, just for the two of them to hear. "I'll never leave you, Tony."

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Across Seven Seas

Chapter 1

Description: This fanfiction series is set in the year 2022, after the horrid COVID-19 has finally come to an end. In this fanfiction, Chris Evans holidays with his family in India and meets Meera Shankar. The story explores their rollercoaster journey and raises a question, whether two people, from two contrasting backgrounds and cultures, can build their future together?

This series is Chris Evans x OFC with Chris Evans' family and friends having recurring appearances. Please find below a lot of Original Characters-

Meera Shankar - The female lead

Meera's Mother

Poppy - Meera's maternal grandmother

Rohan - Meera's elder brother who is 6 years older than her.

This is a work of fiction. The names of the hotels and companies have been changed to avoid copyright issues. Meera Shankar and her family is based on the author and her kin. No offense is intended.

Chapter 2

FIND MORE CHAPTERS BY CLICKING ON MY BIO

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

...

Chapter 1

5th September, 9pm - Boston, USA, Chris' childhood home:

Passport? Check.

Visa? Check.

Mobile charger? Check.

Airpods? Airbuds? What the fuck are they called? Pods? Buds? Whatever, check.

Dressed in a simple black Henley with blue denim, Chris checked the list for the upteenth time, making sure not to leave anything behind. It didn't help that his faithful canine was nuzzling at his knee, begging for attention. Somewhat satisfied with the list, Chris finally locked the suitcase, keeping it besides his carry-on duffle bag.

"Hey bud", he knelt down, gently petting the Mutt, "I will be back soon, you know that right? I have to leave... You know why... I'm sorry, you know I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to, right? I'm sorry, so sorry. I'm really sorr... Hahahaha get off me!!!!" Dodger had started licking his face, begging him to stay. Soon Chris was on the ground, with Dodger safely secured in his arms, dropping kisses on his furry head. Scott chose that moment to barge into Chris' room. "There you are! I have been calling you, whistling for you, yet no reply!! What do you have to say for yourself Dodger Evans?!" exclaimed Scott, hands on his hips, trying his best to mimick their strict mother. Dodger wriggled out of Chris' grip and put his front paws on Scott's hips. "Uh huh young man, your puppy eyes are not going to work on me this time. C'mon, Tara is here to take you."

With Chris closely following the pair, they headed towards the living room. "Do we really need to leave him here?", Chris asked again. "Chris we have been over this, it would not be advisable for Dodger to travel all the way to India. It can affect his health." "But why do we need to go to India in the first place? Can't we go somewhere closeby?" On hearing those words, Scott turned just enough to give Chris a knowing look. "We discussed this before, we need to go to India. YOU need to go to India." As they entered the living room, Chris muttered, defeated, "I really don't...."

6th September, 6am - Mumbai, India, Meera's House:

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Meera woke up with a jerk. Her eyes still adjusting to the darkness in her room. Fumbling for the phone, she set the alarm to snooze, hoping to get 10 more minutes of precious sleep. She could already hear activity in the house. Resting her head on the pillow, she almost fell back into a deep slumber when...

KNOCK KNOCK

"Meera! Get up! It is 6:30 already!" her mother shouted. Scowling at her door, Meera shouted back, "It is just around 6 Ma! No need to exaggerate! 5 more minutes!" KNOCK KNOCK "We will get late for the flight, hurry!" Sighing in resignation, Meera groggily woke up.

Heading downstairs for breakfast, she stumbled upon the luggage in the living room. Irritated, she scowled at her elder brother, "Rohan, I asked you to move the bags na? Why are they still in the way?" Looking up from his plate of buttery parathas (Indian bread), he flashed a wicked smile from the sofa, "Why should I move them? You move them if you want to." Rolling her eyes, Meera grabbed a small packet of cornflakes from the kitchen, shoving handfuls of the crunchy goodness in her mouth. Her mother looked at her with defeat, "Bala (meaning child in local language), at least use a bowl. I don't understand how can anyone eat raw cornflakes just like that." "I like them crunchy Ma. I cannot imagine eating cornflakes with milk or water. YUCK!" said Meera, shuddering. "Is that all you want to eat now? Won't you get acidity if you eat less?" her mother inquired. "No Ma, I am good. I hate waking up so early, and eating a heavy breakfast on top of that? Impossible. Not going to happen."

"Look at me, I already ate 3 stuffed parathas, Ma is making a fourth one now", her brother proudly exclaimed. "I don't think I have ever seen you not stuffing your face, fatty. Stop eating or you will not fit through the doors of the plane!" teased Meera. "I am not fat, I am plump 😄. Now pass me some green chutney." It was Meera's turn to wickedly smile now, "Why should I give it to you? If you want it, then get off that sofa and take it." "PLEEEEEEEEAASSEEE," begged Rohan. "Shut up! Absolutely not."

"Arey (often used as an exclamation in Hindi), give it to him, he needs it to eat with his parathas," softly chided Meera's grandmother as she entered the living room. "Only because Poppy asked me to," Meera said to her brother's smug face.

As family of four got comfortable on the sofa and the chairs to finish breakfast, Meera's mother suddenly exclaimed, "Meera! What are doing wasting your time?! Finish your breakfast and go and take a bath immediately! We will be late for the flight!" Trying to reason, Meera said, "Calm down Ma, our flight is at 12:30pm. It is 6:34am right now. It's alright. Even Rohan hasn't taken a bath yet." "I am not taking a bath," he said with his mouth full. The room was filled with disgusted "eww"s and "tsk"s at that announcement. "Bala you need to take a bath. How can you travel for such a long time without taking a bath?" said their Mother. "You are 35 years old! Do you still not know how to take a bath?" a disgusted Meera chimed in. "That is unhygienic," added Poppy. "I bathed 2 days ago, and we are going to Mussoorie, an icy cold hill station, so I am definitely not going to waste my time by taking a bath," proclaimed Rohan. Scrunching her nose, Meera said, "The whole plane will stink now." "You worry about your odor, I will wear my cologne. Now go take a bath or else we will get late," and with that, the smug smile was back on Rohan's face.

Same day, 9:45pm - Boston, USA, Chris' childhood home:

"Oh my God Chris if you repeat yourself one more time I swear to God I will throw something at your head!" shouted an irritated Tara, "I know how to take care of Dodger. This is not the first time you are leaving him with me. Just go on your vacation already!"

A myriad of emotions crossed Chris' face. Agitation, frustration, sadness, anger, helplessness to name a few. "It is not too late, we can still cancel the trip and go somewhere nearby. How about a shopping expedition to NYC? Or Disneyland? How about Disney World? We will even go to Harry Potter land if yo.." "First of all, it is called the Wizarding World and not Harry Potter land," Shanna interrupted Chris' protest, "Secondly," she continued from the couch, "Why are we still discussing this when there are only 7 hours left for our plane to leave?"

Chris' lips turned into a thin line. Shoulders slumped, hands in his jeans pockets, he tried his best to come up with an excuse. Anything at all to cancel this trip. He needed to stay here, at his home. He needed to think about what had happened. Where did it all go so wrong? How did he not see the signs? How could he have been so careless? As his mind started drowning into questions, his mother put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Remember when you went to India all those years ago? You were seeking peace and you found a way to deal with the chaos in your life. After A Starting Point...," she paused, "After everything that has happened in the last two years, maybe you need to find yourself again?" "But Ma I had gone to Rishikesh, a city well-known for yoga and meditation. We are going to Mussoorie! It is just a fancy hill station." "OH MY GOD! Not this again!!" shouted Carly from her room, "I told you the hotel has an amazing meditation and yoga course! You can do that for 3 weeks. Plus, the kids are excited about the indoor-pool and the gaming lounge AND we all love the view from the hotel! Do you know how many months it took me to arrange this entire vacation? DON'T. YOU. DARE. cancel this trip. Do you hear me?" Carly threatened Chris. Raising his hands in defeat, Chris set about arranging everyone's luggage near the door.

"Don't you pout now. I am sure this trip will change your life, FOREVAH!" said the ever-dramatic Tara. Smiling wistfully, Chris looked around his childhood home, already beginning to miss it. Chris knew that 3 weeks in a 5-star hotel in another part of the world would not change a single thing in his life.

If only he knew how wrong he was.

[benchgenderstudies]

Iliopsoas Strains, Side Stitches and Testicle Turmoil.

//As written to the NATA News. (National Athletic Training Association). 

Dear Editor

The exact cause of sidestitches during running has long eluded the profession. What has been agreed on are ways to subdue the discomfort. A letter to The Physician and Sports Medicine suggested  ���bending forward pressing ones fist up into the ribcage and against the liver and run 10 to 15 steps like this.” (Duncan). Less severe methods by this contributor (in order) include 1)try belly breathing rather than shallow chest breathing, 2)exhale when the foot opposite the side stitch strikes the ground, and (3) run with your hands over your head while breathing deeply. The uncomfortable circumstance seems local to endurance runners, especially novices.

Chris Webb of Moonjoggers.com echoes nearly identical advice. With a jpeg of all the muscles of the abdomini and obliques family shown on his website, Webb goes on to join the viewpoint blaming the transverse abdominus for exercise-related transient abdominal pain (ETAP)(Webb). With that in mind, make concern of two different forms of advice to 1)raise ones arms over their head. 2)concentrate on exhaling when the opposite foot of the stitch contacts the ground.  The effect of each of these strategies brings passive attention to the gait. The runner is forced to concentrate on moving their footstrikes underneath them rather than behind or in such a way that their running gait is mechanically swayback.

It would be first wrong to only focus on the anterior face of the body (trunk flexors) to narrow down the culprits.  The posterior zone of core stabilization includes Psoas major and iliacus (iliopsoas), longissimus thoracis, serratus anterior, latissimus dorsi, erector spinae and many others. In fact, the American public's issues with low back pain mirror sports medicine's and orthopaedic disinterest in the low back musculature as individual components.  

Webb added that stopping a run to stretch trunk musculature (inclusive of the pectoralis major) could somehow relieve the ETAP pain. An athlete of enough experience to know what DOMS feels like would readily realize the pectoralis major and diaphragm could not be culprits to a side stitch. Either the stitch would replicate shooting pain down the arm or breathing would be entirely altered. Worry of a heart attack should certainly end a run. Webb and Duncan give us our clues what the underlying cause is: its deep, deep as the liver (seemingly). They suggest pressing on the point to relieve pain. We in sportsmedicine already use this method to defeat tennis elbow and patellar tendonitis: reducing the range of motion of the muscle/tendon to ease strain on the attachments with chopat straps The psoas major is a clear victim of conditioning neglect and the root of  ETAP. What is the cause: bad form favoring hip hyperextension which strains the muscle while the runner already has it in a stretched position (standing upright). The psoas group is tasked with both core stabilization and run form performance posture. The iliopsoas's relaxed position occurs while sitting. A stitch is condition of a muscle under tension not yet acclimated to the jarring of running and aiding inefficient run mechanics. Whether these elements are alone painful or result in a spasm existing as a 'standing wave” are yet to be decided.  

This discussion doesn't yet explain why the stitch only occurs on one side of the body. The immediate answer is ;no matter how perfect in attempt; all sports gaits are somehow assymetric. I do not choose that particular hill for my professional career to have a momentus death(or celebrity status). Instead, I favor a causal notion behind assymetry: ergonomic and physiological mechanisms of energy conservation. When two muscles occupy a redundant function, its my hypothesis the brain sends only one message and at certain times there is a dominant muscle of the pair and a subdominant. The subdominant follows the dominant.  Õunpuu and Winter's EMG study confirms higher activity in  dominant side plantar flexors. Their abstract directly states: “an assumption of symmetry is not valid for individual subjects” and bilaterial differences are hidden in pooled data. (Õunpuu). As early as 1989, the potential for muscles of a pair to act differently opened the door to evaluate ETAP correctly.

Side stitches are not the only difficulty an injured or strained iliopsoas/psoas can deal out. For males, a strained iliopsoas can leave one doubled over and cursing at all family members and every barking neighborhood dog. Pain is far surpassed by worry; surgical intervention worries. Do I have a varocele, testicular torsion, a hernia; what is a matter? The onset of a psoas major strain is often a long time coming. The tightness in an upper side quadrant of the abdomen is often written off as resistance exercise DOMS or a nuisance.  Graduate school coursework circa 1998 had conflicting views whether stretching actually reduced potential for injury when before exercise. Sprinters and weightlifters should always expect to stretch regardless of research debating maximum muscle tendon and force. The endurance runners face a dicier gamble. I prefer to believe their best routine is stretching after a preliminary portion of their run has warmed them up to deliver preformance goals in their daily workout; when they are ready to drop the hammer on more challenging hills or paces.  Othewise they should always stretch after the run or keep their goals section limited to stretch directly after and follow with a cool down run element.

For musicians/percussionists the strain will casually take place by whichever side the toms are arranged for fills while playing the drum kit. From high tom to floor tom; the daily enthusiasm to rockout first and stretch later sets a stage for serious pain radiating from the trunk down through the scrotum.  Even actively trying to stretch the trunk muscles can leave an athlete or percussionist vulnerable to series of events that trigger the strain.

The trigger of a moderate iliopsoas strain (as experienced by the author) came to fruition while trying to stretch the muscle. Lying in a supine position on a press bench (at the gym) and allowing the legs to hang off each side edge while not touching the ground, the iliopsoas was put under extreme tension. That instant of posture was a rest period between doing raised-straight-leg crunches.  Giving no warning to the body for a not-gradual mode of extreme tension, the psoas muscle group became insulted. The effect was not pronounced until three hours after. The effect also included an hour of elliptical cardio including a crossramp of the whole leg focus before returning home.

The sharp large-area pain of an iliopsoas strain can cause male athletes to be very concerned of testicular conditions. The pull on the inguinal ligament, internal and external oblique insertions along the pelvis floor raise due worry of conditions that require surgery. The threat of surgery amidst a condition having very little literature can compound individual sensitivity to pain. The pained area will comprise just below the pectoralis major down to the epididymis of the testicle on the same side, some central discomfort in the central low abdomen exists as well. The acute injury can be handled with rest, ice on both the epididymis, crotch, iliopsoas bursa and pained side of the abdomen. Most pain will subside in three days.  Latent effects or warning symptoms include hypersensitivity to the edges of seats when the rear of the testicle brushes against them, slight oddity in latent fluid sensation at the end of the penis following ejaculation and some urinations is also telltale.  These are not sensations of burning or pain nor should urination or ejaculation be painful, Otherwise you may be dealing with another situation entirely. There is a change in the chemical composition of the fluid denoting some form of stress or small scale inflammatory response.

If the athlete returns to resistance exercise before the injury is healed, they risk a slightly less painful experience providing their gym routine was unchanged and they guarded against painful postures and excessive weight. Squats were unaffected; both for quadriceps and gluteal focus. Running is also not painful nor did it result in ETAP. The author is an experienced runner so his posture may not have the quirks that would raise a disabling condition to novices with an iliopsoas strain.  In this experience a few tests of the leg and abdomen were evaluated. Step sign was negative. Step sign was followed by a hip flexor test which was also negative but resulted in an internal 'snapping syndrome' sensation near the ASIS. The snapping sensation was not painful as it moved from external to internal, nor did it radiate pain to the offended/engaged testicle of the condition. General soreness following workouts did require further icing in all regions.  

A test for this strain is as follows: lying supine in a resting position of yoga's bridge; begin with a wide stance with feet planted on the ground and knees at a comfortable maximum distance apart. Rotate each foot inward to about 30-40 degrees. At this point the clinician should ask the athlete to begin spreading their knees as far as possible. The motion will cause mild discomfort on the iliopsoas-pelvic pathway and can send stress down to the rear of the testicle.The athlete may notice significant details about the attachment location of the pelvic fascia to the testicle and its unlike the vas deferens.

A return to rest position will clarify if impact to the strain has been achieved by discomfort in the upper psoas major region.   In no way should the discussion of an iliopsoas strain deter visiting a general physician or a urologist for concerns of genital injury.  Having done extensive research it appears the misdiagnosis of this ailment has resulted in excessive and unneeded antibiotic medication, invasive testicular modifications, the false diagnosis of repeat bouts of epididymitis, routine torsion protocols, testicular removal and many wild guesses.  Even well trained professionals utilizing the Arnheim & Prentice “Principles of Athletic Training”(8th Ed) undergraduate text or even the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons “Athletic Training and Sportsmedicine” (2nd Ed) text would not be able to differentiate a posterior stabilizer induced discomfort from a testicular complication from the mid 1990s research absence in the area. Urologists and orthopaedic doctors should also take heed.

(Now I'm going to get back to my sore tummy and my sore man-ball).

Michael Bench graduated East Stroudsburg University's Movement Studies Program with honors and concentration in Athletic Training SportsMedicine in 1998. He was NATABOC certified in 1999 while completing a Masters Degree in Exercise Physiology and Graduate Certificate in Gender Studies; (#GoDucks) specializing in body dysmorphia.  His further experiences in body modification scenes and independent work in competitive endurance (amateur) athletics, gate control theory, percussion coordination and body composition have enabled the perspective on this elusive malady. He has published two books, “This Device of Reason” and “Native Supremacy”; and many unpublished papers ranging from economics to anorexia nervosa. His current edition of research “External Motivators of Anorexia Nervosa and Anorexic Self Abuse” is available free on request.

Duncan LA (2001) Unraveling Side Stitches, The Physician and Sportsmedicine, 29:4, 66, DOI: 10.3810/psm.2001.04.733

Mole JL, Bird ML, Fell JW. (2013)The effect of transversus abdominis activation on exercise-related transient abdominal pain. J Sci Med Sport. 2013 Jul 10. pii: S1440-2440(13)00144-8. doi: 10.1016/j.jsams.2013.05.018. [Epub ahead of print]

Õunpuu S, Winter DA(1989)Bilateral electromyographical analysis of the lower limbs during walking in normal adults,Electroencephalography and Clinical Neurophysiology,Vol 72 (5), 429-438,ISSN 0013-4694,

https://doi.org/10.1016/0013-4694(89)90048-5.

Webb, C. (2013. Nov 21) Rocking on the Roads: Stitches. https://www.moonjoggers.com/rocking-roads-stiches/

[nomimits7]

Undecided - Victim Catalog

Undecided Victim Catalogue

Note: Some of the descriptions used in this catalog can become very detailed. I would advise those sensitive to the subject of death to rather give this a skip. I only compiled these to give an insight into how the boys’ personalities changed. Again, proceed with caution. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Victim: Seo Daniel (calm or poised) – Yoongi

Gender: Male

Age: 25

Time of death: Between 10 pm and 11 pm on the 1st of July 2019

Cause: Suffocated by an object that blocked his airway.

Details of death: Victim was found inside his car wearing a black pants suit and red sneakers. At first cause of death was thought to be blood loss from the ear to ear cut over his throat, it was later determined the victim was first suffocated with a large object before the object was removed via the cut. Some trace evidence could be found on the victims’ clothes. It was later established that the clothes didn’t belong to the victim. The entire body was washed and nearly, but not completely, drained of blood when he was found. There were traces of the drug Gamma-hydroxybutyric acid or GHB in his system. This drug is suspected to have been used to secure or overwhelm the victim.

Notes: Draining of blood was quite messy, find an alternative. Daniel made gurgling sounds as he struggled to breathe, use recordings of sounds to scare the drug lord. Be careful of the type of clothes worn during the murder. Wear clothes that leave less trace evidence, like silk. Larger dosage of drugs takes the fun away, useless. No rection of fear or guild was felt during the murder, only satisfaction. It felt good to take a life, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.

Victim: Yeon Rachel (beautiful or graceful) – Jimin

Gender: Female

Age: 23

Time of death: Between 10:30 pm and 11 pm on the 4th of July 2019

Cause: Blood loss via near decapitation

Details of death: Victim was found sitting in a tree wearing a dark blue work overall and red sandals. The cause of death was the loss of blood via a very clean cut from ear to ear over the neck region. Cleanness of cut suggests either it was made by a highly skilled doctor or the cut was to ensure a very slow and painful death. The body was found cleaned and nearly, but not completely, drained of blood. There was some trace evidence on victims’ clothes. It was later confirmed that the clothes didn’t belong to the victim. Traces of the drug Gamma-hydroxybutyric acid or GHB were present in the victim's body suggesting that she was conscious but unable to fight back.

Notes: Next time we put someone in a tree, the taller hyungs will do the lifting. Surgical blades work better when cutting someone’s throat, they slice cleaner. Jin-hyung’s instruction was very clear and therefore the cut looked very professional, he said so himself. Draining the blood by pumping water into the system via the radial artery works better than just letting them bleed out. The dosage of drugs used was better, but she couldn’t fight back which was a shame. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing her life slip from her, Yoongi-hyung was right.

Victim: Kwon Mae-Mae (power or authority) – Taehyung

Gender: Female

Age: 22

Time of death: 12 am on the 9th of July 2019

Cause: Blood loss via a vertical incision over the femoral artery on the right leg

Details of death: Victim was found at a homeless shelter doorstep wearing a black oversized cocktail dress and workers boots that were painted or sprayed red. The cause of death was excessive blood loss via the right femoral artery. Death was nearly instant and painless. The body was found cleaned and nearly drained of blood. No trace evidence was found on the body or on the victims’ clothes. It was later established that the clothes weren’t the victim's own. The drug Gamma-hydroxybutyric acid was found in her system and the amount suggested that the victim was probably unconscious during the time of her death.

Notes: The more torture, the better. The victim died way to fast and her system didn’t react well to the drug used. She was out cold within 2 minutes after the drug was issued. The victim was only conscious for 30 seconds after the cut was made. Silk clothes work best while murdering. Next time the torture will be 5 hours or more, not only 2 hours long. The more mentally insane they are, the prettier the picture becomes while they die.

Victim: Hyun Yeri-lee (profound or mysterious) – Jungkook

Gender: Female

Age: 22

Time of death: 9 pm on the 13th of July 2019

Cause: Blood loss via the right Femoral artery

Details of death: Victim was found taped to a lamp post in the city wearing a dark grey suit and red clown shoes. The cause of death was determined to be blood loss via the femoral artery. Small stab-like incisions were found on the right leg just nicking the artery. It was enough to cause death but to little, for the death to be painless. Death was determined to have been over several hours. The victims’ body was clean and nearly drained of blood when found. No trace evidence was found on the victim's body or clothes. It was later established that the clothes weren’t the victims. Bruises found on the victims’ hips indicate that she was held down during death. Traces of the drug Gamma-hydroxybutyric acid were found in the victims’ system, but these levels weren’t enough to ensure a fight less or painless death.

Notes: Loved being ironic when I was placing the victim. She was a highly respected woman, and the place she was found made her look like a prostitute. She was fairly easy to seduce and convinced into sexual activities involving some pain. Everyone was present during her death and the pain she endured was… erotic. I never slept that good in weeks. She did not, however, like the idea of being shared so some force had to be used during the cut session. She sure knew how to put up a fight, it’s such a shame she could win.

 Victim: Byun Linda (excitable or impatient) – Hoseok

Gender: Female

Age: 25

Time of death: 2 am on the 16th of July 2019

Cause: Single gunshot to the head, executioner style.

Details of death: Victim was found sitting outside a coffee shop in a local shopping center wearing what appeared to be a black ball gown and red ballet shoes. Bruises on her knees indicate that she must have fallen trying to escape or her perpetrator forced her on her knees. Both can be valid. Her feet had blisters on them which could indicate her running in uncomfortable shoes or the ballet shoes belonged to her. She also had several bruises on her arms in the form of hands, more than one set or hand bruises, indicating she was manhandled in her final hours. The gunshot to the back of her head was done in an executioner style. Her body was clean, and no trace evidence was found on her clothing. It was later established the dress wasn’t the victims. Traces of the drug Rohypnol and alcohol were found in her blood. The alcohol levels were under the legal limit.

Notes: I loved the hunt. And the fact that my brothers helped me, but still allowed me to take her life. The pure fear in her eyes as she felt the cold metal of the gun was worth the trouble she caused. She was quite fast for someone in very high heels. The new drug worked like a charm and we will definitely use it again. It makes matters very interesting.

Victim: Myung Mary-lee (Bright or brilliant) – Namjoon

Gender:  Female

Age: 24

Time of death: 12 am on the 22nd of July 2019

Cause: Major blood loss through gunshot wound in the victims head

Details of death: Victim was found draped over a chair in a motel wearing a dark blue silk pajama set with red strapless high heels. A single gunshot wound was found straight through the victims’ skull. The gunshot was not fatal, and the victim died of blood loss. It's suspected that the victim was tortured before death and mutilated afterward with a sharp object. The victim’s body was covered with bruises and cuts. The victim's throat was also burned by acid or something strong. The body was found clean and almost completely drained of blood. No trace evidence was found on the victims’ clothes. It was later established that the clothes did, in fact, belong to the victim. No drugs were found in the victims’ system.

Notes: killing awoke a rage within me that I never knew I possessed. The torture lasted over 6 hours long and everyone had a go, but I was the one to deliver the final strikes. Something about mutilating the body afterward was also satisfying. A razor blade is an object I would recommend to anyone looking to torture but not kill. Besides, papercuts hurt like a bitch, especially when the blade is hot and nothing dampers the pain.

Victim: Jun Luke (talented or handsome) – Jin

Gender: Male

Age: 24

Time of death: 11 pm on the 19th of July 2019

Cause: Poisoning  

Details of death: Victim was found in the hotel basement. The victim has already entered the advance stage of decomposition, meaning the victim died a few days prior. No clothing was found with the victim. The victim’s blood wasn’t drained like previous victims, but red paint was used to cover his feet and black paint remnants were found around his jugular(neck) area. The toxic screening of the victim's body revealed that multiple poisons where used. The victim's organs were nearly disintegrated, but this can also be due to decomposition. The poison that most likely killed the victims was cyanide. No other information could be gathered from the victim.

Notes: Clearly more research has to be done on dumping sites. The hotel staff really let us down and therefore the victim was found almost too late. Although, this could also work in our favor in the future. Only so much can be told from a nearly decomposed body, and skeletal remains can only estimate certain things. Nothing’s official. People trust too easily, which made it so easy to poison him.

*Credits go to the creator of these gifs<3 

Taglist: @loonyginger @hani-bun @sugashaye @alomarce @loisje123 @chim-possible @imfor-everdrivinginpuddles @exprimidordefresas @speakyourselfloveyourself @autumnboo126 @3amthoughtsvented @thetrxshbx @michiluvddr @purecelestialpower @ur-honey-child @dulce-whirlpool @moonlightnightingalesworld @loudfriendtacocookie @mysteriousanna @diorluvs @misseoulite @mina9235​ @crajishie​ @undergroundqueens @hannahpostema @skay @mixerbeauty @adultingtomato @hauntedstatesmanmoneyknight @slutkoo​ @freeformdn @flowersinmypockets @kelwaters​ @cool-strawberry @vi-hoshi​ @xxqueenwxtchxx​ @kyliewonder @technicolor-blues​ @emmayan123 @sofiaelola123 @addictedtohockey​  @kpop20182019​ @regularcow @toanimeornot​ @xxgothickxx

[timelordthirteen]

In All Things 14/?

Mr. Gold/BelleFrench, Explicit (eventually)

Summary: A Rumbelle arranged marriage AU.

Chapter Summary: Belle tries to get some answers from her father, but not is all as it seems, and in the middle of the night she makes a terrible discovery.

Notes: Once again this chapter didn't end up where I wanted it to. I'm going to end up drawing all this out just because I'm terrible at estimating how long these chapters will be. Sorry I'm like this. For the 31 Days prompt #16: fire.

[AO3]

Previous: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13]

Belle marched down the corridor.

The sound of her heels was loud and sharp, matching the cadence of her heart as she stalked towards her father’s study. Her fingers curled into fists as she came to the door, ready to kick and scream if necessary until Milton let her see her father. She pounded on the door three times and stepped back with her hands on her hips.

It creaked open and Milton’s thin, boney face appeared in the gap, his oddly pale eyes narrowing at her.

“I want to see my father,” she said firmly.

He moved back and began to close the door, but she caught the edge of it with her hand and pushed into the space, using her hip and shoulder to force it back open.

“Now.”

Milton drew back, his mouth opening to say something, but a voice from inside the room stopped him.

“Milton? Who’s there?”

“Papa?” she called out. “It’s me!”

“Belle!” came Maurices voice from inside. “Petal, come in, let me see you.”

She shot a glare at the steward, and stepped passed him into the room.

Maurice got up from his desk, a large mahogany thing with carvings on the sides, and came around to greet his daughter. He held out his hands to take hers and lifted them to his lips where he pressed a kiss to the back of each one.

“Belle, my dear, I thought you were to arrive yesterday?”

She squeezed his fingers with hers. “We did, we arrived just before supper.” She glanced over at Milton and met his stern gaze with one of her own.

Maurice frowned. “No one told me.” Then he looked to Milton, who had the decency to look sheepish when fixed with the questioning eyes of his master.

“My Lord,” the steward said, bowing at the waist, “I apologize, you were resting and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Maurice shook his head. “I always want to be disturbed for my favorite daughter.”

Belle rolled her eyes, smiling in spite of her annoyance at Milton’s clear defiance of her father’s wishes. “I’m your only daughter.”

Maurice leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Yes, precisely.” She laughed, and let him lay her arm over his. “Come, let’s talk in the library where it’s not so cluttered. Milton, put the ledgers away, we’ll finish this later.”

They passed by Milton as he mumbled a quick “yes my Lord,” and made the short trip from the study to the double doors of the library.

“Is everything alright, Papa?” she asked as he eased the doors closed.

“Of course,” he replied, motioning towards the velvet covered lounge with the sloped, curving back. “Didn’t you read my letter, my girl?”

“Well, yes, but - it was just a bit strange.”

Maurice let out a soft grunt as he sat, and Belle noted that he seemed to be favoring his left knee again. He’d injured it last summer dismounting a horse he had no business riding in the first place, when he landed in the mud and twisted his leg. It had bothered him off and on ever since, and it occurred to Belle that perhaps Gold’s issue was as simple and embarrassing as that. Of course he wouldn’t want to tell her everything about it when it was such an innocuous and silly thing.

“What was strange about it?” Maurice asked.

Belle sighed. “You talked of the winter preparations, the repairs to the mill, but nothing about how you were, or whether things have improved now that the debt was paid down. It - it made me worry, Papa.”

“Oh, my dear,” he said, lifting her hand with his and letting it drop on his knee. “Everything is well. I am well, see?”

He leaned back and puffed out his chest, and she laughed softly, shaking her head. “Yes, yes I see. Your knee is bothering you though, isn’t it?”

He sighed and nodded. “Yes, but it’s nothing. I’m an old man and I’m allowed to succumb to some aches and pains, am I not?”

“Yes, Papa,” she replied, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “And you are not old.”

The look he gave her made her giggled again, and she could feel some of her anxiety lessening. The incident with Milton was still sticking in her mind as suspicious. She knew she should trust her father, and trust in his confidence in Milton, but she wondered if it might be possible to get a peek at the ledgers, just to be sure.

“You’re sure everything is alright?”

Maurice huffed and straightened. “Yes, I’m quite sure. Where is all this coming from? Do you not trust me to run my own estate?”

She wanted to point out that trusting him to run his estate was how they’d gotten to the state they were in, well, that and the war in the south that King George had insisted on fighting. Now that it was over, the kingdom was rebuilding and recovering, but Avonlea still seemed to lag behind for some reason, and while she understood her father’s reluctance to discuss all his private matters with her, she felt that the status of the house of her mother’s family, which might still someday be her inheritance, was something she had a right to understand.

“No, no, it’s not that,” she insisted. Then she sighed. “It’s just different now that I’m not here. I wonder and I worry, and I won’t apologize for that.”

He exhaled and nodded, and reached for her hand again, holding in one hand while he patted the back of it with the other. “No, no, I don’t suppose you will.”

He hadn’t exactly agreed to tell her more, but she supposed for now she’d have to settle for him at least trying to understand. There was another matter she was hesitant to broach, but this was likely to be her only opportunity to speak with him alone for the near future. “Why didn’t Milton tell you I was here last night?”

Maurice let go of her hand and bristled at the question. ‘Why are you so suspicious, my girl? You marry that - that snake Gold - and now you come back and question everything? I thought you were here to visit because it’s been weeks since we’ve seen each other, and yet you sit here interrogating me?”

Belle sprang to her feet, her brow knit in consternation. “What do you mean by that? It’s not as if I had a choice in who I married, or did you forget the sad state of affairs of those ledgers just a month ago?”

“Belle, please, I didn’t mean that. Only that if Gaston hadn’t - ” He sighed. “If not for that, then Gold wouldn’t have been an option. This is not how it was supposed to be.”

“No,” she said, quickly stepping back when her father tried to take her hand again. “It’s not how it was supposed to be at all, nor how I wanted it to be, but that didn’t matter did it?”

“My dear -”

The doors opened just then, and they both stopped, toe to toe between the sofa and the fireplace. Milton stood in the doorway, a slight smirk on his face that Belle wanted to slap right off his long face.

“Pardon me, my Lord, there is a letter from Meryton that needs your attention.”

Maurice sighed. “We’ll talk after dinner, alright?”

She nodded, and gave Milton another hard stare, which he returned with a sneer behind her father’s back. As soon as the doors closed, she flopped down on the sofa and squeezed one of the pillows in anger as she stared into the fire. Her father was keeping something from her, and she didn’t know why, but it was obvious that Milton was part of it. They’d never had an adversarial relationship before, always being quite courteous but distant.

The former steward, Edward, died at the very old age of eighty-one. By then Avonlea was already in debt and approaching dire straits. After a few months of her father struggling on his own to maintain everything, with Belle trying to help where she could, King George had recommended Milton. In hindsight, Belle knew she should have seen that as strange, and she made a mental note to mention it to Gold.

Dinner had been one of Belle’s favorite dishes, crispy duck with a sauce made from plums and red wine, with the last of the season’s squash and apples roasted alongside it. Gold remarked that he could see why she preferred it, and the grin he gave her made her hopeful that he would mention it to Ms. Potts when they returned and she might get to enjoy it more often than when she visited Avonlea. Even Bae, who was normally a very picky eater, was pleased, and she counted it as a significant victory that they all made it through with light, pleasant conversation and full bellies. It was one of those hearty meals that signaled the end of autumn and the coming winter, and it always left her with a warm, contented feeling.

Except she was not so content this evening. Her father had begged off speaking with her after they ate, giving her a flimsy excuse about his knee aching and wishing to rest it in a hot bath. Her father never did what was best for him in that way, and he had never liked very hot baths before, usually preferring them more lukewarm so it didn’t make his skin itch. She supposed things could change, but not in just a few weeks.

Here she was again, restless, unable to sleep, and taken to worrying about everything to the point where she was considering sneaking into her father’s study to get a look at the ledgers. She glanced at the door of her room again and bit her lip. It was late and everyone else was probably asleep, but there was one person that she considered it was possible was not. Milton had always claimed a tendency towards insomnia, which was why he often worked late during the evenings, but even he shouldn’t be in the study at this hour.

Belle paced the space between the bed and the sofa several times, mulling over her plan, before sighing and giving in to temptation. She took the tall candle from her bedside table and wiggled her feet into her slippers before easing the bedroom door open. The hall was dark save for the two candles that were left lit through the night, but she stared down it for some time all the same until her eyes adjusted to the dimness and she could make out enough shadowy shapes to navigate her way safely.

It took her only a few minutes to make her way down the back stairway the servants used and cross through the drawing room to the main hallway. At the end of it was the study, and she waited at the door for a full minute before she opened it. The door was thankfully dark save for the remains of a fire, and she shivered as she stepped into the chilly room.

She pulled her robe tighter and came around the desk, setting the candlelight to the left of the ledger. Her fingers traced the cover, hesitating before she opened it, and she blew out a breath and closed her eyes before lifting it.

The first page was nothing more than rows of numbers copied over from the previous ledger, which seemed to have ended just after her marriage. She could see that everything appeared to be in order, the debts had been cancelled out, and the expenses and taxes didn’t outweigh the income from the harvest. She smiled and turned the page, only to have her face fall. The next set of numbers were less comforting, and there was one entry for a not insignificant sum that had no notation as to what it was for, nor a name for the payment. It was possible that her father had simply forgotten to write it down, but she didn’t think Milton would be that sloppy.

The next page had another of the same entry for almost the same amount, and again there was no notation or name. The total at the bottom was surprisingly low for an end of season harvest, particularly one that they had expected to be the best in several years. She bit her lip and looked at the next page, letting it fall from her fingers as she gasped.

Several rows of torn paper stuck up and she trailed her fingertips over them, counting at least four pages that had been ripped from the book. Her breathing increased as she felt the telltale twist in her gut that told her she was correct in a way she hoped never to be. The glow from the candle and the fire gave the whole scene an ominous feeling, and she turned the next page slowly, swallowing hard as she revealed the inevitable.

Row after row of figures went down the page, including one of the empty entries, now infamous in her mind. At the bottom, she could see the sad truth, that Avonlea was in debt again, to at least three different creditors this time, instead of just to the royal treasury. Her heart sunk all the way to her feet and she pressed a hand to her mouth as a sick feeling rose up in her throat. In spite of Gold’s payments to the King, her father was well on his way to ruin all over again.

She staggered back from the desk, knocking against the chair and making it scrap against the wood floor. The sound was startlingly loud, and she held very still, waiting for another sound that would tell her if anyone overheard. After a minute or two of nothing, she sat down in the chair with her head in her hands.

Her marriage, leaving home, Gold’s money.

It had all been for nothing.

She lifted her head and stared at the ledger for a long moment before reaching out to flip back to the torn pages. What had been on them that needed to be torn out? And who had done it? Was it her father in a fit of anger, or Milton trying to hide what was happening until it was too late?

The fire snapped, and she jumped in her seat. Her eyes fixed on the fireplace, and she pushed to her feet, crossing quickly to the hearth. She knelt down on the warm stone in front of it and peered into the flames and ashes. Even the heat from the low fire was searing this close, and she winced as she leaned closer. Near the front she made a discovery that raised her eyebrows to her hairline, the remains of at least two sheets of paper, the same color and weight as the pages of the ledger.

[reid-fiction]

Birth Plans and Baby Kicks

In which you and Spencer go to a birthing class.

A/N: You all have @reid-effect to thank for this. No, seriously, go and thank her. She basically thought this plot up and I just took it and ran with it and now I’m emotional because there’s never enough dad!Spencer in the world. (Also, thanks to the 5-hour long birthing class I watched on Youtube last night and skimmed for random facts to include.)

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“Now, does anyone know the three stages of childbirth?”

The rest of the room was silent, but Spencer’s hand went up immediately. You could feel your cheeks burning a bit, not because you weren’t proud of him for knowing the answer, but because he had known the answer to every single question the instructor had asked for the last two hours. It was a small class - only four couples in total - but you could almost see the other dads rolling their eyes every time Spencer spoke up.

“Stage 1 would be labor, which is divided into three stages in and of itself: early labor, active labor and transitional labor. Early labor is when the cervix dilates from 1-4 cm, active labor is between 5-7 cm and then transitional labor is the final 8-10 cm. Early labor is the slowest and transitional is the fastest. Stage 2 is pushing the baby out through the birth canal, and Stage 3 is the delivery of the placenta after birth.”

He had said all this in what sounded like only one breath and, even though you were very aware that your husband was already a wealth of knowledge on pretty much every subject, even you couldn’t help but drop your mouth open a bit in impressive shock. A quick glance up to the instructor and you could tell she was experiencing the same thing.

She swallowed, nodding slowly, and then shot Spencer a quick smile. 

“Yes, that’s all absolutely correct and actually beyond even what I was asking. Very well explained, Spencer. I should have had you teach this class, and I could have stayed home!”

The instructor laughed at her own joke, but the rest of the room didn’t seem as impressed. 

“Alright, the next question would be: When is a good time to head to the hospital once you’re in labor?”

Spencer’s hand went up again, and all you could do was throw a small, apologetic smile to the other couples in the room. It wasn’t your fault that Spencer knew all the answers and the others didn’t, but you wanted everyone to have a fair chance.

“The 5-1-1 rule,” Spencer explained. “Contractions are five minutes apart, 1 minute in length, and have been consistently like that for an hour.”

“Right again!” The instructor smiled, shaking her head in disbelief. “Okay, we’re going to move on to practicing some breathing techniques, so I’m going to turn the lights down and get some music going. Dads, grab one of the exercise balls and a blanket from the corner, and moms are going to get themselves in whatever comfortable position they want.”

You waited patiently for Spencer to bring back the items, and then carefully draped the top half of your body over the ball. Your belly was so big now that no position was particularly ‘comfortable’, but you did your best.

“Now dads, get behind your partners and I want you to place your hands on either side of her hips. Moms, focus on breathing in and out with my voice, and dads do a gentle massage to relive the pressure on her pelvis.”

You felt Spencer kneel down behind you and both hands go on your hips. Even though you weren’t actually in labor, the gentle pressing of his fingers into your skin felt heavenly. The baby had been resting on your bladder for what felt like the last month, and any relief was welcome relief. 

“Is this okay?” Spencer whispered, leaning up so you could hear him.

“Mmm, feels really good. My back has been killing me the last few days.”

“You know, if the baby happens to be in a posterior position - meaning the back of their head is against your back - that’s where you’ll feel all the contractions. Typically, the baby is laying anterior, so you would feel the contractions more to the front.”

You nodded, hearing what he was saying, but far too focused on how good his massage was feeling to really take it in. What you did hear, however, was the dad next to you talking to his wife.

“If he’s a doctor, why is he even taking this class? He clearly already knows everything.”

The dad had meant to say it low enough so only his wife would hear, but both you and Spencer were within range. You suddenly felt a strong sense of protectiveness over your husband; you didn’t like how the others seemed annoyed with how much he knew. Spencer, however, shrugged it off and glanced over at them, politely.

“Oh, I’m actually not a medical doctor,” he said. “I just read a lot. I have delivered a baby in the field before, when I was still working my old job. But, it’s mostly just head knowledge, not hands-on experience.”

Just like most other people who met Spencer for the first time, the dad didn’t seem to know how to respond. Instead, he gave a muffled, “Mmm”, and went back to massaging his wife. 

Over the years, you had tried to learn how to not let moments like that bother you - they certainly didn’t bother Spencer - but the pregnancy hormones were currently wreaking havoc on your emotions and, today, you were bothered. 

It occupied your thoughts the entire time you were supposed to be practicing your breathing, and it was apparent to Spencer that your mind was elsewhere.

“Remember your cleansing breath, (Y/N),” he reminded you, gently. “After you finish breathing through the contraction, you need to take a deep one.”

You nodded, doing what he said very halfheartedly. The class continued on like this with the instructor going over the different types of birth plans, the process of an epidural, when a c-section was necessary, and the side effects of medication. By the time she dismissed the group, you were a ball of nerves. It was all you could do not to burst out crying until you and Spencer got back to the car. 

“I’m starving,” Spencer announced as he fastened his seat belt. “Do you want to go someplace or order takeout?”

“Doesn’t matter,” you mumbled. “Whichever you want.”

Spencer glanced over at you, frowning a bit at how solemn you sounded. But, he had been fully aware for the last 8 months that your moods would be up and down. If you wanted to talk about it, you would, but he wasn’t going to push you. You were probably just hungry and tired and needed to rest for a bit once you got home.

Ultimately, Spencer decided on takeout from your favorite burger place. He had thought about Chinese, but you had been having issues with heartburn the last few times you had gone there and the last thing he wanted was to make you more miserable. 

As soon as you got home, Spencer went to work getting the food set out on the table while you went to change into more comfortable clothes. After about 10 minutes, when you hadn’t emerged from the bedroom, Spencer started to wonder what was going on. He walked over to the door and knocked softly.

“(Y/N), I’ve got everything ready. Do you want to eat now?”

When he didn’t receive any response, he knocked again - a little bit louder - and pushed door open a crack.

“(Y/N)?”

When he had looked into the room just enough to spot you sitting on the edge of the bed, still fully clothed in what you had been wearing before, he opened the door wider and stepped inside. It took him less than a second to realize that you were silently sobbing and he immediately dropped to his knees in front of you.

“Sweetheart, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this!” you blubbered.

“Can’t do what?”

“I can’t have a baby!”

Spencer, equally confused and concerned, reached up to push your hair out of your face and swipe away the tears on your cheeks.

“What do you mean, you can’t have a baby? Of course you can! You’re even more capable now than you were this morning after that class. You know everything you need to know short of actually doing it for yourself, why would you think you can’t do it?”

“You heard all of what she said,” you wailed, waving your hand aimlessly as if that would help your explanation be clearer. “The birth plans and the epidurals and the side-effects. What if I plan something and it all goes wrong? What if the epidural wears off? What if the baby is prot-posturen-...”

“Posterior?” Spencer prompted.

“Yeah, that thing,” you sniffed. “What if the baby is backwards and I can’t push them out! I can’t remember all those breathing techniques and how to lay and count! And I HATE needles, but I don’t want to go natural either because I hate pain! Spencer, I can’t have a baby! I’m not strong enough to do it, and I’m just going to do it all WRONG!”

Spencer could feel his heart breaking right along with yours the longer he listened to you pour your fears out to him. He had known from the beginning that you were nervous, but it was always something you had worked through together. He had no idea that you had been holding all of this in - even just since the class - and all he wanted to do was help you.

“And then, what about after the baby is born?” you continued. “I don’t know how to take care of a baby! How am I supposed to know if they’re crying because they’re hungry, or wet, or just unhappy? I’ve read about PPD; what if I end up with that and can’t be a good mom to my baby because I’m too depressed! What if you leave me because you don’t want to put up with me anymore?”

That was where Spencer drew the line. He was more than happy to let you tell him everything you were worried about, but there was no way he was going to let you think - even for a split second - that he would ever leave you.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, softly but sternly. “I don’t want you to ever, ever worry about that. I love you, and I love our baby more than anything. My job is to be here to help you through everything, from the moment that baby started growing in your stomach until the moment we send them off to college. I’m not going to run off on you just because you’re having a hard time. You’re going to be tired and you’re going to be cranky sometimes, but that comes with being a parent.”

He moved his hands down so they rested on your swollen belly and smiled. 

“Do you have any idea how amazing your body is? It knows, instinctively, how to push the baby out. It’s going to expand and contract and work in ways that even amaze me, as someone who has read dozens of books on this.”

It seemed as though the baby could sense that their dad was close by, because you started to feel a tiny little foot pressing out against his hand. Spencer smiled, rubbing his thumb over the area he could feel the baby moving.

“You are going to be an incredible mom,” he continued, leaning down to press a soft kiss on your belly. “And I’m going to be there with you at the hospital throughout the entire thing. Whatever you need, I’ll do. I’m there to help you remember when to breathe and how to count, and to distract you from the needles and the pain, and to massage your back when it starts to ache, and to encourage you and tell you how unbelievably proud I am of what you’re doing.”

He placed a few more kisses on your belly as the baby continued to flutter inside of you, and then slowly pushed himself up so he was looking at you face-to-face.

“And, I’m going to be there the moment our baby comes into the world - whether it’s forwards, backwards, upside down or they have to get them out another way - and it’s going to be the greatest moment of my entire life because that baby is ours. Every time I look at them, I’m going to be reminded of you and how much I love you.” 

You were still crying, but now it was less out of frustration and fear and more out of an unreal sense of awe that you had managed to end up with, arguably, the greatest guy in existence. Spencer wasn’t perfect of course but, in this moment, he was everything you never knew you needed.

You weren’t sure what to say, nor that you would even be able to form words, so you did the next best thing by leaning in closer and pressing your lips to his. He kissed you back, eagerly, keeping one hand on your belly and the other up around the back of your head as the baby continued to kick in your womb.

“Someone’s very active tonight,” Spencer chuckled, pulling back and glancing down at your belly. “Maybe we’re not giving them enough love?”

“I remember when feeling a baby kick used to freak you out,” you smirked. “Back when JJ was pregnant. How do you feel about it now?”

Spencer paused, pursing his lips and smiling.

“I think it’s the greatest thing in the world.”

You felt fresh tears prick at the corners of your eyes as you laced your fingers through his hair, watching him place kiss after kiss on your belly. 

“Yeah,” you mused, “you’re not the only one.”

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@cynbx@gabriellewritermua @wheresthewater @toomanyfandomsshreya@thatisthemagic @helayes @marvelouspotterhead @randomfangirl1415 @criminally-me  @the-unfortunate-fangirl @everyday-imfangirling @skrrrrrrrrrrt @jhillio @elenarogersbarnes13 @reid-187 @spencerreid-iq187 @princesswagger15 @spence-imagines @flashfanfics

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Blood in the Water (Sequel to Such a Softer Sin) Chapter 17

(Chapter 1)     (Chapter 2)     (Chapter 3)     (Chapter 4)     (Chapter 5)

(Chapter 6)     (Chapter 7)     (Chapter 8)     (Chapter 9)     (Chapter 10)

(Chapter 11)     (Chapter 12)     (Chapter 13)     (Chapter 14)

(Chapter 15)     (Chapter 16)

If anyone’s interested in the dress, it’s this one;

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Lila huffed as she looked at herself in the floor length mirror. She was having a hard time finding a wedding dress she actually liked on her and she was starting to feel bad on Rocco. When they had first arrived, they had both stood there dumbfounded and shocked at the amount of dresses, all the different styles, and they both clearly looked way out of their depth since the saleslady came over. She was Lilas fairy godmother, she had supplied Lila with so many beautiful dresses, the only issue was she didn't like any of them on herself. She felt fat, despite the fact she was way too early to be showing yet, her hormones were going crazy and it was making everything so much harder.

They still hadn't told anyone yet, and she had been successful in hiding it from Rocco. Anytime she felt sick she excused herself and blamed the nerves as she ran to the bathroom and Rocco seemed to buy it. It was Thursday now, the day before she would legally marry Murphy and two days before the official wedding of the three of them. She had to leave with a dress today and she hoped to fuck she would find one that made her feel pretty. Rocco had been honest with her if there was one he didn't like, he let her know, but for the most part, he had said they all looked beautiful on her, and while it was sweet, it really didn't help her any with choosing a dress. She was starting to feel disheartened.

“Okay, try this one, I think this will be perfect for ye.” The saleswoman smiled at her as she walked in the changing room with a dress on the hanger. It was a pretty dress, just like all the others, and Lila didn't hold much hope she would like it on her. It took a while getting her into it since the back was corset laced, she had to tell the woman she was pregnant so she didn't fucking squash the baby but she had been told to keep it to herself. Once it was on, the woman turned Lila around to face the mirror and her jaw went slack in shock. She felt fucking beautiful and she teared up as she stared at herself.

“I told ye that ye’d like it.” The sales lady smiled, handing her a tissue. She dabbed her eyes as she just looked at herself, she just knew this was the one. It was a beautiful lace ball gown with off the shoulder small sleeves. She wouldn't have ever picked this out for herself but it was perfect.

She headed out to where Rocco was and when he saw her, his eyes widened as he sat up straighter. She stood on the little pedestal, licking her lower lip nervously as she looked at him, hoping he would approve.

“Lila...Fuck...Wow...You look...fuckin’ hell, you look amazing!” He grinned, making her beam a smile at him. 

“I think this is the one!” She said excitedly, making him smile. He was glad, they had been here for hours and as much as he hadn't told her, he fucking hated shopping full stop, and wedding shopping was not his thing.

“They’re gonna fuckin’ love it. Hell, you could walk down the aisle in a trash bag and they’d love it.” He snorted, making her blush and look down bashfully. The dress was a little more pricey than she would have liked but she didn't have to worry. Before she left, Noah had given her an envelope full of cash, she had flat out refused to take it but he had threatened to come with her and pick out a dress and make her wear it and as much as she loved the man, she had no doubt his taste in wedding dresses was not something she would want to wear. So she relented, and honestly, she was grateful because there was no way in hell she could have afforded the dress without it.

The dress was the last thing she needed since Annabel had arranged everything else. They would be getting married in St Josephs church, the little church the boys had gone to since children. The priest had known them growing up so even though it wasn't really conventional, he was more than happy to go along with it. It seemed that anyone who knew the boys just seemed to get the relationship the three of them had, almost like it had been expected all along. They would have a little reception at The Anvil afterwards for the family and friends and Lila expected it to be a good old knees up, although she couldn't drink, she wasn't sure how she would get around that if people offered her drinks. Murphy had told her he was more than happy to sneakily drink them for her, she had no doubt he was. She was really excited though, to be finally marrying them. After everything that happened, she wasn't really sure if this day would ever come and now it was just two days away. 

The next day Lila was in the bedroom pacing anxiously. They were about to go to the courthouse in town for her and Murphy to get legally married but she still felt so weird about it. She hated the fact she couldn't just marry them both, the law was fucking stupid in her opinion. They weren't supposed to be making a fuss over this though to be fair to Connor, the real wedding was the day after and this was just ‘preparation’ according to the lighter twin. But it was a big deal, because very soon she would be legally married and she was starting to freak out that it wasn't such a good idea, that Connor might regret it one day or think she didn't love him enough, despite the fact it was his idea.

She was putting her hair up in a ponytail in front of the dresser when the bedroom door opened, she saw Connor walk in and shut the door behind in through the mirror. She turned to look at him and he smiled warmly at her.

“Ye nearly ready?” He asked as he walked over to her, settling his hands on her hips. She nodded with a smile, a rather fake one and Connor squinted a little at her. 

“C’mon now, what's this? Yer not gettin’ cold feet on us are ye?” He frowned down at her.

“Now, I just…” She started with a sigh, she felt so conflicted about the whole thing. Connor took her hand and lead her over to the large bed, sitting down with her.

“Talk te me sweetheart, what's wrong?” He asked softly, stroking her hand soothingly.

She licked her lower lip and swallowed thickly, she knew it would be best to talk to him anyway, she certainly couldn't talk to Murphy about this or he would take it personally and probably cry for like a month.

“I’m not sure this is a good idea. I know you keep saying this part isn't a big deal, but it is, I’ll be legally married, to Murphy. It just feels like...like I’m playing favourites, and I don't like it.” She admitted sheepishly, looking down at their joined hands. Connors spare hand went under her chin, tilting her face to up his so she would meet his eyes once more.

“Look, I’m not stupid, I know it’s a big deal. But the weddin’ is tomorrow aye? The way I see it is; Me and Murph, we’re more like one person anyway most o’ the time, so ye marry one o’ us, ye marry the both o’ us. I know yer not playin’ favourites lass, this was my idea.” He explained carefully.

“But what if you regret it Connor?” She lamented as she shook her head. Part of her wanted to get in bed and hide under the blankets for a while.

“I won’t. Tomorrow we stand there in front o’ all our family and friends and God and declare our love, get blessed by a priest. In our eyes, ye belong te the both o’ us, ye’ll be our wife, not just Murph’s, doesn't matter what the law says, God’s law is higher than mans.” He said firmly. The conviction in his voice made her blink at him for a moment, scanning his handsome face for any signs of doubt, but there wasn't any.

She breathed a sigh of relief, she could do this, it was a good plan after all, and if Connor really was okay with it, then there wasn't anything holding her back. The bedroom door opened again and Murphy walked in, despite the fact this wasn't supposed to be a big deal, he was fidgety and excited and it was honestly adorable.

“We need te go before we miss our slot.” He said, trying to keep himself neutral and failing miserably. Connor shot her a wry smirk and she bit her lip so she didn't laugh. She stood up and Murphy walked over with the biggest smile she had ever seen on him. She couldn't even help but smile up at him as he cupped her cheeks and leant down, kissing her lips sweetly.

It didn't take too long at all, true to their words, they went and signed the papers with Rocco and Connor as the witnesses, she was now legally a MacManus, but there was no big deal made since the wedding was the day after. They signed them and came straight home. She was packing her things to stay with the boys' mother for the night, since Connor was all about tradition and they weren't to spent the night together. Murphy hadn't been too happy about it but Connor was firm. Her dress was already there since she didn't want them to see it, so she just had to pack her makeup and any bits she might need. Her mother and Aileen would be getting there tonight too and staying with her. She walked into the living room with her duffel bag where the boys were waiting. She had already said goodbye to Rocco, it was only one night, it wasn't like she was leaving forever, but Murphy’s face looked like he was never going to see her again. They were sat on the couch and when she walked in, they stood, and she noticed a small box in Murphy's hand as they walked over.

“What's that?” She asked with a smile, making Connor grin but Murphy looked nervous.

“Well, ye need somethin’ old, somethin; new, somethin’ borrowed and somethin’ blue.” Connor started, making her snort, she had no idea he was this much of a sucker for tradition.

“We figured, the baby was somethin’ new.” Murphy smirked a little, toying with the box in his hands and she huffed a laugh, they weren't exactly wrong.

“Ma will sort ye somethin’ borrowed out and we know she made the bouquet blue, so that just leaves somethin; old.” Connor smiled, glancing to Murphy and nudging him with his elbow when the darker boy didn't hand over the box. Murphy scowled at his brother before looking back at her, licking his lower lip as he handed it to her. She looked from one boy to another before taking it, opening it. She blinked down at the beautiful necklace inside, it was an ornate silver cross. 

“It used te be our grandma’s, Ma’s kept it but never wore it. We’d really like for ye te have it.” Murphy said softly, his face full of emotion. She could just see how much this necklace meant to the pair from their faces and she felt overwhelmed. Her hormones got the better of her, it was happening more and more, and her bottom lip quivered as tears stung her eyes.

“Oh fuck, she hates it! I knew this would be a bad idea.” Murphy lamented as he looked to Connor with wide eyes.

“I don't hate it! It’s beautiful, thank you.” She insisted, wiping her eyes. Murphy looked back to her then and she saw the relief flood through him. Connor just shot him a smug look as he took the necklace from the box, he walked behind her, putting the necklace on her and fastening it and Murphy watched her with a smile. Her hand came up to the necklace reflexively and toyed with it, it was beautiful and she knew this gesture carried a lot of weight behind it.

“Now I really don't wanna go.” She huffed, Connor snorted at her and shook his head and Murphy’s eyes brightened.

“Then don’t! Just stay here!” Murphy pleaded, giving her his best puppy eyes. 

“Fuckin’ stop it, ye little shit! It’s tradition, yer not te stay here tonight, ye’ll see us soon enough when ye walk down the aisle.” Connor stated firmly, squinting at Murphy when he glowered at him.

“Alright, I need to go or I won't leave.” Lila snorted, she could feel herself getting emotional already, hormones were a bitch. Murphy pulled her to him, kissing her deeply and stealing her breath away.

“I’ll see ye tomorrow Mrs MacManus.” He smirked at her, making her blush slightly and smile. His hands went to her still flat tummy and caressed it softly.

“And I’ll see tomorrow too me wee lass, be good for yer Ma.” He grinned, making her heart seize up as she blinked at him.

“You think its a girl?” She asked curiously.

“I know its a girl.” He stated proudly, it was sweet.

“Fuck off, it’s a boy.” Connor protested with a scowl, Lila snorted a little, of course they wouldn't agree on this.

“It’s a girl, so shut yer fuckin’ face before I knock yer pan in.” Murphy huffed. Connor smacked him across the head and Lila stepped out of the way as they started smacking each other.

“Hey! Can I kiss Connor goodbye or not?” She scolded, making the boys stop and look at her contrite, she had to contain her laughter.

“Sorry Lila.” They muttered in unison. Connor smiled at her as he cupped her cheeks, kissing her sweetly.

“We’ll see ye both tomorrow aye?” He smiled warmly, making her nod. With that, she was off to their Ma’s house. She was excited to see Aileen and her mother, but the nerves were starting now. It was ironic really since she was technically married already now, but the thought of the wedding, in front of all those people, she was getting nervous. No one knew she was pregnant yet and she felt like people would somehow know just by looking at her. She knew they'd have to tell people soon but she wanted to wait until her first scan, just to check everything was fine. Once she could see the baby, she knew she'd feel tonnes better.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28 @divadinag

[svetlanabelikova]

Journaling (I)

content warning for the following:

self hatred

fat shaming

talk of surgery

topic of weight loss

i supposed this is my commencement post of my “journaling” series. i know that isn’t really a word but in art, anything can be a word or phrase if you put the meaning into it. i debated if i wanted to start another sideblog for this-- but i already have like,,, 7 or 8 at this point. adding another is too much of a hassle. I remember back in like 2008 or so i made an attempt at one of these on my old personal livejournal-- yeah i had one of those, with pictures and everything but i just ended up hating it and trying to delete everything after a couple weeks to hide from it. i’m sure google still has the photos somewhere. so, why am i doing this? what is this about? it feels embarrassing to even say it but i’m doing it because i need to. on monday (9.16.19) i attended something called a “shared decision making class”. which i literally didn’t know what it was until the presenter started up the giant tv screen and it was the first slide in her presentation. what was the decision, you hopefully are asking, well it was on what weight loss programs were available and which we would like to pursue. i am fat. that’s not like a dig at myself-- thought im sure i’ll make a few of those before this post is done. it is a fact. i am fat. no, im not just fat, i’m what the kids call ‘morbidly obese’. on the body mass index or BMI (which i know is not a very scientific look at one’s stature and actual weight to fat ratio but it is the easiest to calculate quickly), there are 4 categories: normal, overweight, obese and extremely obese.  you find your place in these categories by cross-referencing your weight and your height. very messy but simple. i am about 40ish pounds over the ‘extremely obese’ category for my height.  which feels fucking disgusting to say and i hate myself a little more every time i allow myself to really think about that.  but it is still a fact. at one point while living pretty much alone, i was able to get back down to the border between extreme and garden verity obese, but after moving back in with my parents, i sailed on from those clear waters out into the storm. in the class we were told there was several different paths to choose from: behavioral support (i.e. a food anonymous group meeting once a week), a meal replacement program, medically induced starvation or surgery. each one will allow you to lose a percentage of your body fat. 10%, 15%, 25% and 40% respectively. i need to lose about 70%. i am more fat than me.  that idea came to me late last year.  i am more fat than i am me. for a long time i felt like i was carrying around an extra person. like i had this whole other being, another me, that was just dead weight. she only woke up when i was naked and i hid when i looked in the mirror, the rest of the time she wrapped herself around me, arms and legs tangled around my hips and thighs. but then, it hit me one night while i was in the shower:  i am more fat than i am me. this isn’t another person. this isn’t someone i am equal to. this is something that is smothering me. it isn’t a she that i am cursed to care for, it is an infection. a blight on my body. in my body. something that has slipped in years ago and germinated.  i’ve always been fat. i see pictures of myself when i was 5 and i was already chunky. one of the few early memories i still have is trying to find new clothes before i started 6th grade. i had to shop in the adults section. i was 11 years old and was wearing the biggest clothes in the adult section. it wasn’t even like i could just shop in the small adults or anything, no i had to go to the very end of every rack in the adults’ section of the clothing store. by time i was in high school, i could only get clothes in plus size stores.  i was the 3rd fattest kid in my entire high school. there was one guy and one girl that were bigger than me. that’s it. in a school of nearly 4,000 students, i was 1 out of 3 of the fattest people, including teachers. when people talk about how much they hated school there are few ways to hate yourself more than being the third fattest kid in school and having to buy the biggest shirt available in the school store for physical ed. class and it still being about 2 sizes too small. i literally failed freshman year p.e. because i was too embarrassed to even go into the locker room. and before that, in 7th and 8th grade, we did swimming in p.e. i hated it beyond words. 7th grade i still had some of that childhood ignorance not to notice that everyone was laughing at me, but by 8th grade, i knew. we were allowed 5 days out of the entire month to not get in the pool to swim and i took all those and more.  i’ve always been fat, but i’ve been fat in a family full of fat people. i was still one of the biggest people in my family, but i had 1 cousin that was bigger than me. well, about 7 months ago, she got weight loss surgery. i saw her for the first time in mid july and... i am no longer the second fattest person in the family. i wear the crown for prize heifer.  this surgery is horrifying to me. it is cosmic horror level scary to me. it is reshaping the human body to become wholly unrecognizable. it is permanently altering the natural dynamic of the human body into something constructed, something a mad scientist with a love of anatomy and no humanity would conceive. and even that won’t be enough. the surgery alone will only lower my BMI by 40% over 1-3 yr.s and i need to lose 70%.  i try to focus on the pure numbers alone.  surgery                   -40% group therapy         -10% meal replacement   -15% total                         -55% that still isn’t enough. that would still leave me floating around the middle of the obese category of the BMI. and i know physical activity isn’t entirely factored in here but i have a messed up knee from an injury i got as a kid and bad ankles and feet from carrying around all this fat for a quarter of a century. i need to lose as much weight as possible to get enough stress off my back and legs and internal organs to be able to add in a physical activity routine. when i was in my early 20s i used to work out every night. i would put my headphones in and just dance hard to rave music for an hour or go walking around my neighborhood for awhile, but the body wears down fast and i just physically can’t do that anymore.  there is also the mental side of this. the idea that i will try to do all this and just utterly fucking fail. that i waste time, money and resources. but that will have to be for another post.  today i have another appointment with my case assigned nurse. she is going to weigh me and then probably talk to me brutally and honestly. she works in a hospital that treats nothing but fat people so nothing about me will be unique or out of the ordinary for her, other than maybe my fun combination of gall bladder issues, lactose intolerance, tonsil stones and chronic migraines/headaches. they are all fun road blocks that have stood in my way for years so i’m sure she will have a whale of a time (no pun intended) trying to navigate this path with me. she is going to talk to me about meal replacement, which i am not siked about. i spent all yesterday drinking shakes that tasted like a bottle of tylenol blended with water and strawberry milk powder or eating puffed rice bars that were not awful but not really good either. the soup was just, bad. no matter how many spices i put in it i couldn’t get it to stop tasting like an entire handful of crayola chalk dissolved in water near a can of chicken soup.  those will be fun ways to describe the “food” to her today, lamo. i hope she’s got a sense of humor. 

[idonthaterunning]

Progress Report

So, my very kind and beautiful reader, tomorrow is May 18th. The semester is over at the university. Students have graduated and all is good. 

May 18th is my 4 month running anniversary! <3 I’ve been a runner for 1/3rd of the year. 

And yes, I did buy myself a gift. A new pair of Under Armour heat gear running leggings. I am also planning my June and July races! I already have August, September, October (2 races) and November planned. I’ve completed 3 out of my 10 races. I have currently clocked 9.3 race miles.

I have also run 75.97 training miles since is started running on January 18th. I just need to repeat that for the people in the back. I have run 75.97 miles, not including my race miles, since January 18th. Wow.

Those miles have done more than put callous on my feet and taught me the importance of a proper sports bra. I’ve lost 10 pounds and almost 5 inches off my waist since I started running.

Overall I’m pretty fucking proud of myself. 

Here is a recap of my races.

RACE 1 - March - The Irish Jig - weather: Really cold - 30 degrees in the morning, sunny but really cold.  official time: 36:51.17 (Currently Personal Best) Pace: 11:53 per mile Overall place: 2873 of 3893 Overall in Female 30 to 34 division: 244 of 318 Overall among all female runners: 1398 of 2165  Summary: This was a very strange event for me. It was my first 5k and I was completely unprepared for many components of it.  1. it was really cold. Like really cold and I was not prepared. I went out last minute and bought a Nike 3/4 zip to keep me warm for the run. I didn’t have the right socks, shoes, or leggings on to run in this weather. I had been running inside on a treadmill, or indoor track, or outside in Arizona. I wasn’t ready for the cold. During the run, my legs hurt so badly, i couldn’t tell if it was from running or from cold. the back of my arms hurt from the cold (Oddly, enough, this is where i get cold when running.) My Nike 3/4 Zip I bought did the trick and my chest was actually starting to overheat. When i was done running, my chest looked like it had sunburn.

2. I had no idea how runs would work. I didn’t know about water stations. I didn’t know about registration, or check in. I didn’t know about pacing groups or really anything. So i think that the Irish Jig was a really good first race. It was an easy track and my friends were with me and helped me get my shit together.

3. I was disappointed in my run. I slowed down twice and walked for about 30 seconds, which disappointed me. When i ran on the track i completed the 5k in 35:50 with no walking. I couldn’t hold it together to run the full time. Oddly, enough, this has been my fast time thus far.

4. The thing that was probably the least important but most annoying for me was the amount of little kid participating in this race. I know that should shitty to say but they would run ahead and then stop and wait for their parents. They wouldn’t look at where they were going or look behind them. They didn’t run in a straight line either. So it was like dodging children for 3 miles. It was very tiresome.

RACE 2 - April - Gazelle girl  weather: Cold -  low 40s when the race started, but it was very sunny official time: 41:06.53 (added 4:50ish to my time- my personal worst) Pace: 13:14 per mile Overall place:  492 of 1004 Overall in Female 30 to 34 division:   86 of 132 Overall among all female runners: 492 of 1004 (this was an all ladies event)

Summary: This race was a last minute add for me. I registered for it about 3 weeks before it when i was buying new running shoes. It was not what I was planning to do. I had backed off running for a few days and really had tuned down my training. I went from running 3+ times a week to 1 or 2 times a week. 

However, this last minute add also caused me to set my new goal of 10 5ks I really liked this race. However, it wasn’t my favorite. 

I was still cold. I was super slow. I didn’t sleep well the night before and I was feeling really out of it due to some things happening in my personal life. I was really disappointed in myself and the race was surprisingly hard! There was significantly more elevation changes in this race than I had ever experienced. The whole last quarter mile was uphill and it laid me out. I was beat. 

However, I ran the whole thing. I didn’t stop to walk at all which i thought was really impressive, until i got my time. I knew it wasn’t going to be better than my first race, but I picked up A LOT of time. 41:06 that is 5 minutes. That is enough time to drink a cup of coffee. I was so discouraged with myself. 

People always tell you to take walking breaks if you need them, and I needed one, i just didn’t listen to my body. My body made a lot of noise on this run. I could feel twitching and pinches in my knees and hips that reminded me I need to be doing more BEFORE i start to run.

I like the idea of Gazelle Girl, I had to deal with the moms and kids again, which was annoying. However, this race showed me that I could be running more miles. I watched women my mother’s age complete the 10k! 

I also liked that my name was annoyed as i ran over the finish line. I was bummed out because there was not a single race photo of me.

May - The Fifth Third Riverbank run - weather: Cold 42 degrees, rainy and cloudy, and windy. All around shitty weather. This seems to be the trendy when i run, the weather just has to suck. Official Time: 37:36.27 Pace: 12:06 per mile Overall place: 2045 of 2916 Overall in Female 30 to 34 division:   148 of 227 Overall among all female runners: 970 of 1601 Summary:

Overall, my favorite race so far was the riverbank run. It was the biggest with over 16,000 people running in one of the different races. I joined the university corporate team, and honestly, best idea ever. There was an indoor suite area we could go into and get coffee! 

The team was super unrated because I was never actually invited to any of the group trainings or the facebook group. I also didn’t see anyone else there wearing their University Healthy Living shirts. The ugliest shirts ever.

It was so insanely could and I could not for the life of me find my freaking running gloves. My hands were like ice the whole day. It didn’t help that I slipped beer on myself after the race and soaked my shirt.

I kt taped my knees because they had been bothering me. I didn’t feel great starting this race. However, it was a really good run. I felt focused and in the zone. I also liked that we used this app called RaceJoy, because people could send me cheers from home! It was really cool.

I took two small 30 second walking breaks on some of the highest points of elevation on the course.

I was so happy to finish this race strong. I felt good, but cold.

I did hang around to watch the 10k and the 25k races finish. It was amazing to watch the form of the elite 25k runners. I was so amazed that the first woman finished in like less then an hour and 30 minutes.  I also clapped and cheered for everyone who went buy. LITERALLY EVERYONE! Hand cycles, wheelchairs, 5k walkers. 25 k runners who looked at me like they were going to die and I just told them they were so close! 

This running journey has been so enlightening. I’ve learn a lot about myself both physically and mentally. I like that running lets me put my mental problems aside. I like focusing on my feet and my mechanics when I run. When my personal issues creep into my running space, i can’t stay focused. I have to take more breaks. I have to sort out my issues.

Honestly, I think i started running, because I’ve been dealing with issues I haven’t wanted to deal with. Running has actually made me focus on dealing with my issues.

One thing that has been on my mind for the last 14 months is, where I am going? I came to Grand Rapids because I made plans with someone who never showed. I took a job because it was a means to an end, that never came. I’ve met some really amazing friends here. I’ve been pushed creatively with my writing community and Nanowrimo. My friends from home have continued to be a constant.  I’ve been working on becoming who I want to be. Not just who I think I should be to be with someone.

I’m on my way. I’ve started this journey. I have 7 more races to complete before December 10th. 

Thanks for sticking with me so far. There is a lot more to come, I promise. 

[barre2barresg]

Barre 2 Barre SG Interview Series: Camilla (Part XIII)

This week, we interview one of our first and most dedicated Barre 2 Barre clients. Camilla has religiously attended class, participated in studio events and challenges, and been a loving, supportive, and enthusiastic member of our Barre 2 Barre community since the beginning, so we thought it would be lovely to hear about and share her barre journey!

1) How were you introduced to barre and what was your first barre class like?

The Singapore branch of Barre 2 Barre first opened its doors a few months after I relocated to Singapore from Europe. A friend brought me to the charming studio in Hongkong Street - as I didn't really know anyone or anything, I was eager to try out most things she suggested. Besides, I was intrigued by her promise of a boutique concept offering equal measures of sweat and community vibes. I did ballet as a child, and for the past fifteen years or so, I've regularly attended yoga and pilates classes, so what my friend explained as a blend of the three seemed like an altogether familiar and alluring idea. What I hadn't expected was just how hooked I'd get during that first class. All of it just felt so right: the bright, clean and cosy space, the friendly-looking girls on the mats around me, the focus on alignment and keeping a good posture, those minuscule, precise movements of most muscles in the body, the patience and endurance required from the intense sets, the extremely satisfying stretches - not to mention the phenomenal soundtrack personally picked out by the smiling, very present teacher, who already knew my name - and mentioned it often throughout class in order to correct me, haha. Her instructions were of a guiding, physiologically founded nature - so far from the shrill commands I associated with conventional gyms. Up until this point, most fitness classes I'd ever attended had always felt impersonally demanding, noisily claustrophobic, not really for me. This, on the other hand, immediately felt energising. I was more present than I'd ever been in an exercise class setting. I was fascinated by how, by concentrating my thoughts and one body part at a time, I managed to work my entire body in one surprisingly short hour full of feminine balletic features, deep yogic harmony and some of my favourite tunes at the time (I think I asked the teacher for her playlist afterwards!). Needless to say, I came back the day after again, and the next day after that, and the next...

2) What does barre do for you physically? What keeps you returning to class regularly?

The weights we use at barre are small (1-2kg) but when you stretch your arms out and make tiny circles with those weights and move them up and down or rotate them ever so slightly for a few minutes, you start to feel the burn - and become aware of just how many muscles live in your arms, shoulders, back! I love the intense core work with a strap wrapped around the barre, the romantic aspect of feeling like a ballerina when releve’ing my feet whilst touching the barre with elegantly stretched arms, having my legs and butt challenged with exercises involving a soft ball, just as the trampoline classes always make me giggle from start to finish... Most of all, I like the focus of barre on how you can train your body with very few props; simply by being mindful and patient in your poses. I have, or had, this tendency to always slouch when sitting, walking and running. The barre focus on alignment and keeping a good posture straightens out my back and strengthens me beyond class. I love it when the teachers make you imagine a flow of energy running through your aligned body. Ahilya always does this blissful body scan at the end of class, where she makes you imagine that you've got warm honey flowing around in your muscles, bones and joints. That mindful element. When I'm in class, I think of nothing else, and I think that's what exercise is about: finding that or those activities which does that for you. At night, my boyfriend always asks me, 'what is your favourite moment from today?' - or, actually, he stopped doing that over a year ago, because my answer always had something to do with barre, haha. The exercises, the general ambiance, an insight after class, interacting with fellow barrerinas. I like the athletic shape that barre has put me in, but what's addictive about it goes far beyond that. Somehow, unless I'm travelling or sick, I always have time for a weekday class (or two; in one Christmas challenge, I believe it was four!). When travelling, I'll usually check out classes at local barre studios, and as such, I've met wonderfully dedicated teachers and different types of methods and styles in Hong Kong (also Barre 2 Barre), Melbourne, Sydney, Byron Bay, Santa Barbara, London and Copenhagen. Conveniently, the Singapore studio is just around the corner from my office, which makes it easy to pop in for a morning, noon or after-work class, and, miraculously, studios are always just around the corner from wherever I am staying when abroad. ;)

3) You met with an unfortunate knee injury last year. What was your experience with barre during and after it?

Now, a year after my ACL was reconstructed and both my meniscus repaired, the teachers still ask my regularly how my knee is doing - so sweet and thoughtful. A few months after the surgery, when I could start attending classes again, they kindly modified exercises to slowly get me back on track. With weeks of complete immobility, the shape that barre had put me in during the preceding nine months was definitely the reason why my quad didn't disappear completely; why the muscles and ligaments in my injured knee, as well as in my entire legs and hips, were so strong and flexible and I got back in the swing of things so quickly again. It was also a great form of rehab due to all of the careful and precise holistic exercises, which were very much in line with what my physiotherapist prescribed. Also, it was the thing I missed the most in my time on the couch covered in ice and painkillers because of the great general workout, atmosphere and people. 

4) You're a long-time committed student at Barre 2 Barre. What are some of your recent discoveries this far into your barre journey? Are there things you've learned or experienced in barre that apply to other areas of your life? 

After nearly two years, every class is still super tough and rewarding. There is always something new to learn and something familiar to perfect even further. Sit down one inch lower (in a broad wide second position with your feet and knees perfectly aligned towards 10 and 2 o'clock), come up one inch higher on your toes (distribute your weight equally on all toes!), look straight (when you're busy circling, pulsing and balancing various parts of your body simultaneously), hold your arms stick-straight and keep them in your peripheral vision (with those 'light' weights in your hands), lengthen your tailbone down towards your feet (no arching of the back!), square your hips down towards the mat (imagine your hips are headlights!). The barre 2 barre teachers are all very creative, observant and good at giving individual feedback - via verbal cues, touching you lightly or chatting to you after class. As for Jess, who manages the studio, I'm constantly inspired by how passionate she is - always incorporating new exercises into her routines while simultaneously organising cool events and collaborations with everything from local charities to creative startups to large corporations. I first met one of my best Singaporean friends when she was displaying her sustainable fashion designs in the studio (I won one of her beautiful dresses in a barre challenge, haha!). Recently, I've realised that I would like to take it to the next stage, explore my fascination with barre on a deeper level, in terms of the physiological workings and benefits of each exercise as well as sharing that knowledge with others, and have signed up for Barre 2 Barre's upcoming BarreAmped Certification in Thailand. So excited about that! Whether it's the alignment of body and mind, or the idea of immersing yourself in something that's good for you, or spending time with people who energise and inspire you, or simply making an effort: there are so many beneficial aspects to barre that most certainly apply to my life in general - both privately and professionally. The fact that you can experience all of that whilst wearing comfy yoga pants and listening to nice music are just icing on the cake.

5) Who would you recommend barre to? 

Absolutely everyone - which I also do! I've dragged my boyfriend (multiple times!), friends living in Singapore as well as friends visiting from Europe and Australia along, and every single time, I've enjoyed seeing how surprised each and everyone is at how incredibly hard the classes are. Most of them find it fun and fascinating as well, fortunately. With class levels ranging from basic to advanced and some focussing particularly on yoga, pilates, cardio, dance or firing up your big muscle groups, there's something to most tastes. As such, I would recommend it to anyone who cares about their wellbeing - who wishes to immerse her-/himself in a very mindful way of exercising and stretching her/his entire body. It's suitable for most ages and fitness levels, and especially if you have issues with one or more areas of your body. There always are modifications available in case you are recovering from injuries, pregnant or otherwise in need of special attention. 

6) What else is part of your fitness, nutrition, or wellness routine/philosophy to support your barre practice? 

I like running and swimming as cardio supplements allowing me to relax my mind, see sights when abroad and really feel the benefits of the strength obtained through barre, just as I bike and walk everywhere possible (and sometimes impossible (I'm looking at you, bike-lane-less roads of central Singapore!)). I aspire to keep exercise as the opposite of a stressfactor, something that doesn't require too much planning, is a natural part of my day and keeps me equilibrated rather than exhausted. On weekends, my boyfriend and I will go kayaking or do yoga at a local studio or at home, whether it's in Singapore or elsewhere. Lately, we got a basketball, which we play around with at the local community centre. I'm not any good, but it's fun and it does help training my sense of precision, endurance and balance. In general, what's important to me when it comes to wellbeing is trying to maintain a sense of harmony by listening to my body and how much, how, when and why it wants to move, stretch and be nourished. We subscribe to a weekly veggie box from an organic farm in Indonesia, which 'forces' us to cook healthy vegetarian meals several times a week. As we travel and in general eat out a lot, it's important to us to at least know what we put into our bodies when we can - and know where the ingredients came from and what effort goes into preparing them. Even when eating out, I try to steer clear of synthetic or overly processed or fatty foods and instead stick to lean options of sustainably grown veggies, grains and fruits or meat from animals I think have led a happy life. They're mutually reinforcing: you don't want to come to barre feeling heavy, bloated or dizzy because you haven't been eating well, just as it would be a shame to ruin the great feeling that barre gives you by filling your body with bad stuff. I'm not a fanatic though: I do like to drink wine after work or at the weekends - or a few cocktails at the monthly Barre 2 Bar events. Lastly, since moving to Asia, I go for reflexology at least once a week - I've been to at least 20 different parlours all over Singapore, and find it quite extraordinary what they can do... pamper my feet between all of the renovation, flexing and pointing they're exposed to at barre, haha. 

[allenmendezsr]

Full Throttle Fat Loss - Huge Commissions - Launching Now

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Full Throttle Fat Loss - Huge Commissions - Launching Now

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    Dr. Kareem graduated from and is a featured expert by:

Dear Friend,

I sat down to write you this letter because I’m inspired, and I’m onto something that can truly change your life. In the end, I realized there’s no better way to prove this to you than by actually teaching you everything there is to know about accelerating the fat loss process, and why it works so well.

We’re talking about another level of fat loss and body transformation.

The way most workout programs are designed is by deciding which muscles to work today, and how to best set up your program to hit everything eventually; all of this while stimulating the greatest “metabolic” effect. The problem is, you’re already off to the wrong start.

Muscle = Metabolism, right?

So in order to stimulate the greatest metabolic effect from an exercise, we want to get as much muscle involved as possible. This just makes sense. However, stimulating as much muscle as possible may not be what it seems…

There Are 2 Ways To Stimulate Muscle And Increase Your Metabolism, Not Just One.

One idea would be to work as many muscles within a given workout as you can; another possibility would be to enhance the electrical signal to a group of muscles, instead. Now, by working on nerve instead of a muscle, you are actually working on multiple muscles at once, and, more importantly, all of each muscle.

It’s a cold hard FACT that you’ll take much more away from every rep of every exercise, of every set, and of EVERY workout when you stimulate your nervous system first.

But this is just the beginning… there’s a specific sequence of events that I follow to increase signal strength. Here they are:

Plan a movement.

Re-align the spine.

Excite nerves that relax during the day by doing 5 minutes of muscle balancing exercises.

Balance joints to take away pain signals you may not know are going on.

Ask for more electricity through dynamic and unstable exercises.

Work related segments together, at once, to improve muscle timing.

Create ‘Cardiovascular Override’ by working all 3 Energy Systems

That may sound like a lot to think about, but there is an easy fat loss system that solves this for you:

The Quadruple Fat Loss Stack™ is a high-speed fat loss system based on the number 4 and the proprietary “stacker” technology used in Full Throttle Fat Loss:

It works because we do 4 critically important things as we progress:

Recruit, Load, Distribute, Stack. This ensures progression, by the use of Fat Loss Stacker Principle. First, we recruit a muscle or group of muscles, then we add a load to the muscle, redistribute our weight, and add a second or third exercise into the mix before completing a rep.

Stacker Fat Loss Technology is when you add the fat loss effect of every portion of every exercise together. It’s a simple formula. Let’s give a practical example. Let’s say that you do the following 2 exercises, back to back:

Squat and Lunge

1 Squat + 1 Lunge = 2 exercises.

Now, let’s say you take those same 2 exercises, except you add a movement to exercise #2, and you leave the rest the same.

Squat

Lunge + Press = 2-part exercise

1 Squat + 2-part exercise = 3 exercises.

You get the idea. We can really build a lot more into a lot less time when we learn to add exercises together. Fat loss skyrockets, as does the metabolic effectiveness of every exercise.

Stacker Fat Loss Technology wins.

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“Lose Fat 2x Faster Than Anything In The World” on NBC

Metabolic Training: Lose Pain and Fat on NBC

Toned Arms In 10 Minutes on NBC

With the unique progression built in to the Quadruple Neuro Fat Loss Stack™, we strategically prime your body to lose more and more fat each and every week, unlike typical fat loss programs in which results decline each week until you eventually hit a dreaded fat loss plateau. Can you just imagine losing even MORE fat in week 4 than you did in week 1? That’s exactly what we do with Full Throttle Fat Loss – instead of plateauing, you’ll be stacking your results from week to week until you hit Full Throttle max speed in week 4.

Listen, I’ve invested hundreds of thousands of dollars into my education in fitness, health, and rehabilitation; more importantly, it took me years to get this far, and tens of thousands of clients trained. I truly believe I can advance you to ‘master-level’ knowledge in your own body and how to make it lose fat within 16 short weeks in Full Throttle Fat Loss.

Full Throttle Fat Loss was created out of the realization that fat loss could (and should) happen much faster for everyone, not just some people. Sure, if you’re perfectly coordinated, familiar with working out a specific muscle instead of movement, and already know how hard to push yourself, you’ll probably get results.

The trouble is, this only represents a small portion of the population. That’s why I created a program that works for both beginners and advanced trainees, progressing exercise skill level at lightening speed, regardless.

You’re going to wake up one day in the next 8 weeks and bounce right out of bed. You’ll feel light on your toes, strangely happy for no apparent reason, and ready to charge at your day. As you glimpse at yourself in the mirror while you stop in the bathroom, it’ll confuse you and you’ll think back to the dream you just awoke from moments ago.

“Wow, it’s like I’m not even looking at the same person. I remember just a few minutes ago while I was dreaming, I was much heavier than this, and I actually looked older? This is crazy.”

As you look for your belly, it’ll be gone. Your body will be melting, and you’ll feel awesome.

At this point, there’s no turning back. I won’t let you.

You’re so close to where you want to be, you have no idea. Sure, I’m going to push you, and I’m going to give you everything I’ve got to inspire you. I’ll stop at nothing to ensure you get results. But I won’t take no for an answer. You’re here for a reason…

One way or another, you have to get in shape at this point. It’s up to you how, but I’ve got a great package that will simplify the process. Check it out:

32 Doctor-Designed Rapid Neuro Fat Loss Workouts + Audios ($297 value):

You’re about to gain lifetime access to 32 doctor-designed, neuro fat loss workouts. With your nervous system at the root of the programming, you’re going to experience faster fat loss than you’ve ever seen or heard of before. By enhancing the electricity to your muscle, you’re turning more muscle ‘on’ and getting more from every exercise that you do. You’re about to be blown away. In addition to filming these exercises for online streaming and a downloadable version for your iPod or other video device, I’ve created audios to help the ‘auditory learners’ out there maximize the effect.

Full Throttle Fat Loss At-Home Modifications Guide ($17 value):

Using this program at home isn’t going to be a problem. I’ll hold your hand and give you real, practical examples of household items you can use in place of the only piece of equipment we use in this program, a dumbbell. Plus, I’m going to give you creative workout ideas for various home environments that make exercise more fun for the entire family!

The Top 10 Fat Loss Lessons Of All Time Cheat Sheet ($29.95 value):

Over the last 10 years, I’ve been taking notes. I’ve learned what’s had the largest impact over tens of thousands of clients, both online and offline. I’ve listened to feedback, asked questions, and learned from my clients, mentors, and peers.

This is a comprehensive list of the best fat loss lessons I’ve ever learned; essentially, a shortcut to fat loss. You know the 80/20 rule, right:

80% of your efforts yield 20% of your results

20% of your efforts yield 80% of your results.

This is the 20% you should be focused on 100% of the time to get 400% the result.

Full Throttle Fat Loss Beginner Basics Guide ($29.95 value):

Worried that this might be above your level? I’ve got you covered. Whether you’ve been exercising a long time and you’re worried about your form, you could just use a review, or you’re brand new to exercise, this guide will teach you the fundamentals and form on all of the basic movements you’ll see in any exercise.

Learning exercise gets much easier when you go through this guide.

Victory Journal ($9.95 value):

Fat loss is a celebration. Victory journals document your success. However, there’s a specific method to this that seems to produce way better results and dwarfs using a workout journal. I’m including this for you, as well.

U-Stream Assess & Correct Workshops ($197 value):

In these hour long workshops, I evaluate and treat 3 clients for various issues, including neck, shoulder, low back, hip, and knee pain. We figure out what’s causing it, develop a plan of care that gets superimposed into their exercise programs, and send them on their way. This is invaluable if you have an injury or may in the future.

Transformational Mindset Audios ($29.95 value):

Results are meaningless unless you can appreciate what’s happening; and by appreciating what’s happening you’re sure to see much better results. There’s a fundamental mindset switch that takes place in truly successful fat loss clients, both from an exercise perspective, as well as nutrition.

In the Transformational Mindset Audios, I teach you all about the proper mindset for fat loss and fitness, and the fastest way I know to help you get there.

Private 120 Minute VIP Coaching Call ($560 value):

Ask me anything you want. This is about you and your results. Nobody gets this access to me without paying $560, minimum, but it’s included with your investment today.

Full Throttle Fat Loss is about never having to lose fat slowly again. I’m going to make you the deal of a lifetime. The 8-components of Full Throttle Fat Loss are worth over $1170, but since I really care about you and your results, I’m going to give you a VIP discount of just a single, one-time payment of:

$1170 $97

Click here to end fat loss

Immediate action gets immediate rewards. By investing in Full Throttle Fat Loss on Day 1, you’re showing me that you’re ready to create real change. I’m listening, and I’m answering back with the most powerful 14 day fat loss plan I’ve ever created – FREE.

This is about immediate results and simplicity to get started. In the 14 Day Fat Loss Plan, I’m going to show you, in the easiest way possible, how to start losing fat at insane speeds, immediately. I’ll tell you what to focus on, how to get more from less exercise, and exactly what to do for 14 days straight.

This is about helping you lose at least 7-10 pounds in the first 2 weeks, while balancing your body at the same time.

Yes, incredible. How will your body look when you shave off 7 to 10 unsightly pounds and boost your energy at the same time? How will people respond when they see you 14 days from now?

As a special gift for joining the release off Full Throttle Fat Loss, you’re going to get this specialty program completely FREE. I told you I’m not holding anything back, and I refuse to let you fail.

If you’re lazy and you’re not going to do what it takes to get lean, then this isn’t for you, and you don’t have to worry. But let me warn you, your opportunity to take advantage of this special offer and get all of the bonuses is fading away quickly. No pressure intended; I believe in you, but the time to take action if you really want to get results is now.

Besides, you’ve already learned what it takes to design a fat loss program that ensures results. You understand that there are a lot of elements, and that this can be overwhelming in the beginning. Plus, you realize that developing a passion for health can take time, so having a coach by your side is a critical element to your success.

I’d like to be your coach, and I’d like to help ensure your results.

Click here to end fat loss

Then It’s ALL FREE.

I know this system works. I know the science is solid and the method has been tested. You’re going to get results. That said, if you’re unsatisfied in any way, I’ve got your back. Fitness and health are about having a positive experience, over and over again. If you’re not 100% convinced that this is one of the most positive experiences you’ve ever had with your health, than I’d rather you invest your money somewhere else.

As your coach, your goals come first. Whatever it takes, even if it means refunding you the entire cost of the program and directing you to something that may be a better fit for your needs…. either way, I’ve got you covered.

That said, I can’t imagine a better fit for you right now. You’re reading this for a reason, and you’re protected 100% for the next 60 days while you give Full Throttle Fat Loss a “test-run,” so to speak, and watch your fat melt right off.

If you follow Full Throttle Fat Loss exactly as outlined in the materials and let me plan your fat loss journey, you’re going to see better fat loss results than ever. However, if you haven’t lost more fat in the first 8 weeks than you ever have in that time period before, just contact us and you’ll get a full refund.

That’s right. Lose more fat than ever in the next 8 weeks by following the program or you get your money back. No hassles, no hoops to jump through, just a prompt, courteous refund.

Believe me, if you get even half the results my other clients have, you won’t be sorry. Go ahead and click add to cart – Let’s get started:

Click here to end fat loss

It’s time you realize this: mastering anything takes time. You have all the tools you need to ensure fat loss success someday. I’d like that day to be today for you.

Modeling is the fastest way to become successful in anything. Take what I’m showing you in Full Throttle Fat Loss and one-up it. Essentially, look at my method, do it, and then figure out how to make it better. This is so much easier than starting from the beginning.

Instead of having to orchestrate combining, ALL 7 ways to stimulate your nervous system, ALL 10 Fat Loss Commandments, and the Quadruple Neuro Fat Loss Stack into short, extremely effective workouts, you have an opportunity to work backwards. I’ve already thought about all of these aspects when designing Full Throttle Fat Loss, and you can do each workout while knowing you’re achieving at full capacity in each area.

Plus you can do it ALL today while saving $1073 from the total package value and skyrocketing your immediate results with the insane bonus package I’ve created for you.

Click here to end fat loss

I’m extremely excited to work with you and see your results. Your body is about to do amazing things, and you’re going to wonder how it’s even possible that your body got so lean in such a short time period.

After years of chasing fat loss and weight loss, you’re already home.

4 days from now you’re going to see immediate, noticable results

4 weeks from now it’s GAME OVER

Today is Day 1. Let’s get started.

Your friend and coach,

Dr. Kareem F. Samhouri, CSCS, HFS Neuro Metabolic Fat Loss & Fitness Expert

P.S. Full Throttle Fat Loss is meant to help you lose fat right now, but I can only lead a horse to water. For now, you can secure your lifetime membership today and never have to face the expensive alternative of an in-person personal trainer that may never be able to deliver these results. Click HERE to get started and save BIG!

P.P.S. Remember, with my Iron-clad, 100% Money-back Guarantee, I’m giving you 60 risk-free days to discover the body that lays underneath your fat. You’ll see it, and then decide. This is the only program in the world that will take your fat loss results to this level, and then also accelerate all of your future results. Grab it RISK-FREE today.

Q: What is Full Throttle Fat Loss and why will it accelerate my results?

Full Throttle Fat Loss is the first program in the world to integrate all aspects of fat loss, including nervous system stimulation, fat loss acceleration, and a holistic process that looks at the entire ‘you’ before making assumptions of what will and will not work.

Your body truly is unique, but there are three things that all of us have in common:

We need faster and stronger signals to our muscles from our nerves. This gets more muscle involved and helps you improve your results, dramatically, with every workout you do.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. Working within our strengths 80% of the time is the best way to lose fat at full speed.

Stacker Fat Loss always works. By stacking exercises together into multi-part exercises, you are requiring your body to work harder to get through the exercise. This work = metabolism, which means there is an increased metabolic cost with every exercise you do.

Full Throttle Fat Loss was designed to help you eliminate time-wasted in your workouts or a plan that wasn’t ever going to work in the end. This is about starting the rest of your fat loss journey in a predictable, sensible, and logical way that just makes sense.

Your body was designed to eliminate waste. It gets rid of fat when it’s signaled to, but you have to first speak the language of the body. That’s where most people go wrong. Muscles are silent; they don’t speak.

Nerves are not silent, and they ‘speak’ to muscles through electricity. Every nerve innervates multiple muscles. By focusing on enhancing nerve signals to muscles, we naturally activate more muscles, and more of every muscle. It’s a double-win.

We’re all made differently, right?

While this is true, there are only so many variations. For example, you might be tall and thin, short and round, short and stocky, etc. By taking a glimpse into your own body and learning what type of muscle fiber you preference, you are automatically setting yourself up for success. Then, when you choose to ‘mix it up’ and ‘scare your fat away,’ your body won’t know what hit it, and you’ll respond just like all those before/after’s you keep seeing in the media.

As for Stacker Fat Loss, this is just simple mathematics. Every joint has a local metabolism, and your whole body, or global metabolism, is the accumulation of many local joint metabolisms. Essentially, the more of your joints (or bodyparts) you move, the higher the metabolic cost of an exercise. The more you do this, the higher your metabolism goes, and around we go.

Over the next 4 weeks, we’re going to prime your body to lose fat at full speed. I fully intend to help you create a ‘Metabolic Shift.’ This is a moment in time when your metabolism re-establishes ‘normalcy’ at a brand-new, higher level. Once it gets used to functioning ‘faster’, it’ll naturally make this the new base level, or basal metabolic rate (BMR) for your body.

So, in combination, we TRIPLE your metabolism:

Step 1: Activate more muscle to get more from every rep and increase metabolic cost. Step 2: Stack exercises together and increase metabolic cost of every set. Step 3: Prime your body to lose fat and then create a ‘Metabolic Shift’, so that you always lose fat faster, from this point on.

Q: Is Full Throttle Fat Loss ‘too’ difficult?

That’s a great question, and I’m going to flip it back on you. No, it shouldn’t be too difficult, but difficult is a relative term. What is difficult for you?

If it’s a matter of stepping outside of your comfort zone, then, yes, this is going to be difficult. If it’s a matter of an exercise being too advanced or a workout program being too intense, that’s not the case. Full Throttle Fat Loss was designed for any level by using some ninja program design to allow any person, at any level, to step in and get a great workout.

I wish I had the opportunity to work with everyone I train from Day 1. That would be incredible. You’d never make any form mistakes, or get confused by all of the garbage out there in weight loss. Instead, you’ll have a targeted and systematized approach to getting your lean body and losing fat as fast as possible, while keeping you healthy. So, I designed this program for you, if that’s the case.

On the other hand, I take great enjoyment out of training Olympic and professional athletes. It’s really neat to see the potential of your method realized through the most athletic and capable bodies in the world. I always wanted a way to serve both populations, and Full Throttle Fat Loss helped me solve this. As you’ll see in a moment, fat loss isn’t the only advantage here, so even if you’re ultra-advanced, you’re in for an incredible treat.

Q: What is Rebound Fat Loss? I’ve only ever heard of Rebound Weight Gain. How is this different?

Before we discuss Rebound Fat Loss, let’s just make sure we’re on the same page about Rebound Weight Gain and why it happens:

Crash Dieting. Crash Dieting makes it so that your body is in starvation mode and eats its own muscle. Since muscle consumes a ton of energy (calories) for your body, your metabolism naturally decreases over time. Unfortunately, as you reduce your caloric intake and lose muscle at the same time, your body’s reward for the weight you lost is less food and a slower metabolism.

On the other hand…

Rebound Fat Loss is when you hit a fat loss goal, and then you decide to go for another one and hit it faster. Most fat loss programs actually slow down in results over time, no matter how much harder you work to see any change.

Full Throttle Fat Loss was designed to actually increase your metabolism over time, improve the neurological signal to your muscle, and re-connect your body. In doing so, your results actually begin to accelerate. You’ll be much happier when you join the Full Throttle Fat Loss community and start to see accelerated results. Go ahead and click add to cart:

Click here to end fat loss

Q: Is Full Throttle Fat Loss a program that can be repeated?

Of course, but you won’t need to in order to hit your goals. As you’ll see in a minute, I’m going to make you an incredible offer to let me build your workouts for you until you feel more comfortable becoming fully independent, but that’s just a choice and a courtesy.

You’ll be able to use Full Throttle Fat Loss over and over again, as often as you want. More importantly, you’ll understand how to easily switch in/out exercises to the program I already created for you and keep your results coming forever.

This is about fat loss independence, and it’s about never plateauing again. I’m on your side.

Q: What if I’m trying to build muscle or just get a bit leaner?

Ok, so this is where Full Throttle Fat Loss gets really cool. Because this is a fully periodized program with distinct phases, you naturally electrify your body into getting lean and activating more muscle within the first 4 weeks. After this point, it’s easy to hit any fitness goal you want, whether it’s just increasing fitness level or getting bigger.

Full Throttle Fat Loss is designed to help your body gain and tolerate more from every workout. These are both essential points in building muscle or improving your fitness level. You’ve found the ‘priming’ solution for fitness and building muscle.

Q: What if I have an injury? Can I still get results with Full Throttle Fat Loss?

Great question. 34 pounds and 17% bodyfat ago, I was in a lot of pain… in fact, I’d say 8/10 pain in most joints in my body. It was terrible, and I was 23 years old.

Through simple muscle balancing exercises and good judgment, I was able to lose all of my unwanted bodyfat and regain my self-confidence. I’d like you to be able to do the same thing.

The best thing to do if you’re injured is learn to work around it. You’re creating a faster and better healing environment for your body in doing so. By driving more circulation everywhere in your body through exercising non-injured bodyparts, you’re improving oxygen saturation to the injured tissue, and you’ll heal faster.

It makes sense to get moving. Use good judgment, involve your doctor or physical therapist if it makes sense, and ask questions, but be sure you get started and take action right away.

Q: I’m ready to start losing fat now. Is this program going to take forever in the mail?

No! The entire program will become immediately available to you via membership login and download after your purchase – no shipping fees, no waiting for results!

Q: As a Doctor of Physical Therapy, is it fair to say that you’re willing to work with someone who’s not in her/his “prime” anymore?

Yes, and I specialize in working with people of all ages. No matter what your need or circumstance, I’m here to help. Our youngest client is an 8 year old boy and our oldest is a 93 year old woman. It’s working for both. It’ll work for you too.

Based upon everything we’re learning about each other, this program will work for you. Click add to cart and let’s get started:

Click here to end fat loss

Q: What if I’m just starting out?

Totally, but only beginners that want to lose fat as fast as advanced trainees and are willing to open their minds and trust the method.

In addition to the Beginner Basics Guide that comes with Full Throttle Fat Loss, I’ve designed each workout to adjust to your level automatically. Plus, I’ve explained every movement and every exercise in complete detail, demonstrated common form deviations as well as proper form, and shown you the way to ‘feel your muscles’ while you move.

Q: Can men and women both get great results with this program?

Of course. 60% of my clients are women and 40% are men. I wouldn’t create anything that doesn’t work for both of you. Full Throttle Fat Loss was designed to guarantee you the fastest fat loss results you’ve ever seen and have you accelerate fat loss results over time.

Get ready, we’re going to have some fun.

Q: What if I don’t get results?

Then it’s all FREE.

I know this system works. I know the science is solid and the method has been tested. You’re going to get GREAT results. That said, if you’re unsatisfied in any way, I’ve got your back. Fitness and health are about having a positive experience, over and over again. If you’re not 100% convinced that this is one of the most positive experiences you’ve ever had with your health, than I’d rather you invest your money somewhere else.

I’ll issue you a complete, hassle-free refund anytime within your first 60 days if you’re not completely wow’d by what’s to come.

As you can see, the burden is completely on me. I’m taking all the risk, so you don’t have to. You’ve been let down enough times… not this time.

Click the button below and let’s get you leaner:

Click here to end fat loss

Full Throttle Fat Loss is a great deal this time, and I’m committed to helping every one of you get amazing results. You are the beginning of a new era in fat loss, and I want to ensure you are the example for the rest of the industry from this point on.

You’ve made it this far. You’re reading this for a reason, and I’m here to help.

You know, a lot of people ask me:

“Hey Doc,

I really want to trust you with this stuff, but nothing has worked for me before, and I feel like I’ve tried everything. Do you really think this will work for me?”

…and I respond about the same way every time…

“Your body is your body, but your mind is much stronger. Before I can draw that conclusion, you have to decide for yourself. Yes, this program can do what you’re looking for and then some, but it all starts with you. You have to believe, with everything you’ve got inside, that you’ll never be the same again and you refuse to quit on your goals until they are realized. Find that inspiration and you’ve already won. There’s no other way…”

No matter what, though, I just hope that you’ve taken a lot away from the time we have spent together today. There are a lot of other workout programs out there and temptation to buy everything you see, but I truly believe this to be the best program on Earth for fat loss acceleration. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t have released it. This is about bringing things that are newer and better to the industry, or keeping our mouths shut and learning from the best.

In a world ridden with obesity, it’s my job to enhance the transformation effect, not confuse it. Just take a look at what Marty has to say and you’ll understand much more clearly why this is life-changing information:

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On behalf of the entire Samhouri family, we wish you success with your fat loss and weight loss goals. We believe in you, and we believe that change starts today for each one of us. We’re here for you anytime you want, and we’re glad to help…

…but, today, we’ll do it for the deal of a lifetime and a ton of extra bonuses. This truly is your last chance… to get in shape. Act now, save money, and do something about your frustration.

Win with me. Click add to cart. Let’s get started.

Click here to end fat loss