#and i cannot imagine how horrifying it would be to be sexualized over a part of your body you don’t even like.

[roris-ramblings]

as much as i hate the daily wire and anyone who associates with them, i can’t help but feel bad for Abigail Shapiro. She’s so unnecessarily sexualized by both the far right and liberals. it’s seriously a problem, this poor girl probably doesn’t have a clue some basement nerd is making hentai of her. i genuinely feel bad for her and i hope that in the end, she’s remembered for something other than her milkers (idk what else to call them). that’s it. but seriously, leave her alone.

[cowardlybean]

your ask button is so tiny it’s so funny

anywho ask game mob psycho fucking all the questions. all of them. i didn’t even read it just answer them all i wanna know

This is gonna be a long ass post :3

the character everyone gets wrong: Tome is a speculative biology enjoyer. thats it thats the post! I also feel like Teruki is more violent than people portray him

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom: I’mmmm not answering this (cannot decide a fav and most characters are minors lmaooo)

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr : the worst take ever is shipping Reigen and Mob. Gross! Die.

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?: I haven’t been here long enough to have any annoying people

worst discord server and why: not in any

which ship fans are the most annoying?: if you ship rei//mob. DIE!

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?: i already hated Mogami (not from a narrative standpoint, i LOVE the Mogami arc its gutwrenching) but aBoT fic made me hate him even more. KILL HIM!!!

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about: Tome is aroace i don’t make the rules (is projecting) but in all seriousness I Really prefer Mob being aroace because his relationship with Tsubomi really reflects my aromantic experience of making up a crush because that’s what I assume it’s supposed to be

worst part of canon: i love the entire show. sooo. i mean i guess its hard for me to watch Reigen on the psychic tv show bc of secondhand embarrassment kicking my ASS

worst part of fanon: sexualizing middle schoolers

number of fandom-related words you've filtered: idk but they’re all gross ships

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them: not unpopular in the “people hate her” sense but Tome needs more attention, shes so autism and i love her role in the Reigen manga

worst blorboficiation: I haven’t been here long but I haven’t seen a lot of Dimple character study content, usually he's just there because he's always there

that one thing you see in fics all the time: autistic Mob and trans Reigen (positive)

that one thing you see in fanart all the time: older Mob being taller than Reigen which I think is silly <3

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc): idk how popular it is but mob sympathizing with Mogami just. is not my thing

there should be more of this type of fic/art: Reigen in mogamiland, its so interesting to me

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...: BROCCOLI ARC BODY HORROR!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly its fucking terrifying already when Mobs friends slowly convert to Dimple-ism but can you imagine. The roots creeping beneath. :3 AND ALSO Reigen having a fear of being on live tv is underrated 

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...: not genuinely ashamed but my guilty pleasure is bashing Reigen over the head with angst

part of canon you found tedious or boring: cant think of any

part of canon you think is overhyped: also cant think of any rn

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores: the fact that spirits have the power to brainwash without possessing people?? like Dimples two cults are. terrifying!! bc Mob couldn’t sense a spirit changing their minds bc Dimple was chilling in the broccoli

ship you've unwillingly come around to: not genuinely upset about it but I was so surprised I ended up liking yoshieku (Dimple x security guard) the bond between an evil spirit and the man he randomly possessed is incredible

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse: dunno any

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing: also dunno any

[buzzcutbulldyke]

I posted 9,137 times in 2022

576 posts created (6%)

8,561 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@opabiniawillreturn

@aftonfamilyvalues

@terfectly

@buzzcutbulldyke

@kronkk

I tagged 2,811 of my posts in 2022

#my posts - 722 posts

#asks - 173 posts

#hotd posting - 65 posts

#sims posting - 61 posts

#marvel posting - 40 posts

#radfems please touch - 38 posts

#radfems please interact - 36 posts

#what the fuck - 21 posts

#hotd spoilers - 17 posts

#succ posting - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#it's an actually very important thing to keep in mind that is being completely watered down by liberals to the point of uselessness and inco

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Anyone pro-prostitution needs to read this book to understand what it is they're supporting. Anyone anti-prostitution needs to read this book to strengthen their position. Anyone undecided on prostitution needs to read this book for a deeper understanding of the topic. Part-memoir, part-sociological study, part-philosophy, this should be considered one of THE feminist texts on prostitution. She clearly did her research over the ten years it took her to write, weaving in quotes from other feminists (both formerly-prostituted and not) as well as statistics, which I always love. Her writing was engaging, the chapters were well-organized, the book had so many amazing quotes—I was constantly stopping to highlight a paragraph that perfectly encapsulated something that many would struggle to put into words. Even as someone who has been staunchly anti-prostitution for a while now, she brought up many things I hadn't known, or hadn't considered, or thought but didn't know for sure, or knew but couldn't summarize my thoughts on the matter. I can't recommend this book more. and it's only 320 pages, not particularly hefty.

605 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#4

u know ur all jealous of my physical copy of right wing women

See the full post

640 notes - Posted August 27, 2022

#3

straight up I think little boys (I don’t care how young) should get in trouble for the ridiculous porn noises they make at school. it’s sexual harassment, of both their teachers and their fellow students, and I don’t give a shit that they’re children. letting it slide at 7 is just teaching them they’ll get away with it, that sexual harassment isn’t that serious, and then you get them continuing to do it as they age. every single time, they should be punished. my fiancee (elementary teacher) tells me the stories of the shit these boys do and it makes me SO fucking mad, but she isn’t allowed to do anything other than tell them to stop! knowing her, I imagine her demeanor is discouraging to them, but not enough. straight up if I had a daughter in school rn I would be making THE biggest stink about it to the school.

669 notes - Posted September 4, 2022

#2

???????? Again WHO IS THIS MAN he’s just a fucking TIK TOKKER

1,427 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You know what was the craziest thing I learned from being married to a teacher? Not that the kids are watching porn and sexually harassing teachers and other students, though that's definitely bad. It's the fact that children cannot read anymore. And it's not like, some of them. 90% of her FIFTH GRADERS cannot read. She writes shit on the board but they can't fucking read it. They don't teach PHONICS anymore, they do this bullshit whole-word reading, and the result is that kids can't sound things out. They literally don't know how to read. This is horrifying to me. They also have no critical thinking abilities and don't even try to do any tasks before deciding they don't know how and it's too hard, like on a level incomprehensible to me. Like she tells me these things and it makes me think like, there's no way the general public is aware of this, right? If you aren't a teacher or a parent you must not know about this. So I am telling you. Watch some teacher tik toks. Read the teachers subreddit. Be aware. Because I'm genuinely very scared of what is going to happen over the next few years. This is fr not good.

This article is from 2019 but it talks about the issue, and touches on the two teaching methodologies

1,657 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ladykailolu]

You know, I thought I should expand more on the scene where M&M punches Gyro after theirs argument and what happens after

Neither G nor J know about her r*pe trauma, they know that she’s lived a rough life, but not about that specifically

After Johnny sees what happens he glared at Gyro before crawling over to M&M while insisting that they apologize to each other. Saying what she did was crazy, but he was being an asshole

But M&M isn’t having it

(even though she does feel kind of bad, she isn’t about to be chastised by Johnny when he doesn’t even know why she did it. And at this point she doesn’t trust either of them to tell them)

So she storms off, grabs her stuff, and goes to her horse and ditches them.

Johnny’s just sitting around and Slow Dancer is too far away so all he can do is watch while yelling at her to stop

Meanwhile Gyro isn’t doing anything cause he’s too bitter and upset to care

They stay split for a while till we come up to the Civil War arc,

Aka the moment when everyone gets to vomit their trauma on each other (you know where this is going)

M&M happens to be there and gets to relive moments she’s been sexual harassed and that one time she was full on assaulted.

(I can’t recall if characters are able to see or sense what people are experiencing, but they way she’s crying and yelling kind of gives it away too)

When all that’s done, they find her sitting by herself.

They try and reach out to her, only for her to turn around with her tear-stained crying face.

Gyro and Johnny start trying to talk to her and resolve what happened before, going

“I-we didn’t know that you had experience with that stuff”

“I wish I’d known about grabbing your arm like that, I wouldn’t have done it”

“I’m sorry”

They’re tryna talk to her but it doesn’t last long as M&M has a breakdown

She just starts borderline ugly crying, and starts sobbing out that she’s sorry she almost shot them and that she’s sorry.

[my poor baby is so lonely and sad, truth be told she really didn’t wanna lose her only friends]

Johnny and Gyro don’t know what to do as she’s just sobbing.

Where do you think it should go from there

So it's kinda like how Johnny sees hallucinations of his dad, M&M sees it of one of those assholes whole put his hands on her and idk maybe abused her. Oh boy. That is one of the most HORRIFYING things that I have thought of in a bit of a long while. Because I can just imagine this like shadowy figure resembling the guy as M&M remembers him appearing from nowhere with his hands eemrging from the floor, bending at the wrist to catch her ankles and pull her closer. And she letds it happen, not because she wants to but because she's literally paralyzed with fear. LITERALLY PARALYZED WITH FEAR! She can't move at all, and she can hardly breathe. She wishes that she was anywhere, ANYWEHRRE else than right there, right then.

She would be the most mentally fucked up than either Gyro or Johnny. And she cries, heart pounding, feeling like it's gonna rip from her chest. She's shaking and sobbing, a real wreck in front of them, even when Civil War has been defeated and it was all over. She cannot control it. All she sees is that man and fear. His hands feel like searing hot iron bars against her skin, his breath burned her like scalding steam, and she lost the strength to fight.

Neither Gyro nor Johnny would ever, EVER know what it was like to be powerless. To be at the mercy of a madman. To feel like nothing when he attacks your most sensitive parts. Her male companions would never know that pain.

Indeed, they don't. They even know it. Gyro is a doctor but this is the first time that he doesn't know how to help a person who is clearly in pain. He can sow together any wound, he thinks and puffs out his chest as he strokes his own ego, but to sow back a mind wounded together, it is Beyond Him, sadly. He wished he knew how to sew, mend, and heal a broken mind.

Johnny is a little more sympathetic, but he had assumed M&M was crying so much and reacting so much because she had lost her parents. He didn't know that it was about something much darker.

I assume that M&M forgives them and they forgive her, and all is well in the kingdom. She wants to remain friends with them, and that is, sadly, all that she has in this life besides Rum Cake (at this point, before she has her Reesey-Piecey). It is this moment where they come together and they learn about each other. Where they feel comfortable with each other. Where their friendship blooms into an unyielding trust and love. Arguably, they remain greater friends afterwards than before. At least, I like to think that.

How long is it that they're apart? Maybe like three weeks or so? Because I was wondering if M&M could run into some further trouble, get a little roughed up, and provoke her old male companions' concerns when they see her scars or bruises.

[thewhumpcaretaker]

You are one of my new favorite writers so I thought I’d ask you. Which do you think would be more traumatic for my female MC in a story I’m working on? It’s going to be pretty heavy either way so I’m going to have to come up with a whole new pseud.

Storyline A: She runs away from her strict religious community with a sort of antiheroic drifter she falls in love with and starts having consensual sex, but she’s only 15 and he’s about 25. (It is post apocalypse so no police or laws.) Then about a year later he is killed and she grieves. But thanks to him she is a badass fighter when she runs into a warlord who tries to capture and rape her. Instead she kills him and frees all his captives, one is a young man who becomes her new love when she nurses him back to health.

Storyline B: She never went with the drifter guy because he thought she was too young, she still grieved him when she found out he died. But because she refuses to marry any of the men in her community, she is still a virgin at 20 when she is kidnapped, kept in a cage, threatened with mutilation and raped by the warlord who she thinks is physically hot, but hates. Eventually she escapes and kills him similar to storyline A. The young man is the same only this time they fell in love while they were both captives instead of after she rescued him.

I am going for maximum angst/whump factor here so which would be worse?

TW: discussion of SA and how it can be written ethically or unethically, including examples

So my answer is going to be a little complicated here, because I can imagine two things that you may mean when you talk about writing these scenarios. The first is that you plan to have actual, on-page sex between these characters (side note: please don’t describe that as “consensual” in either case because a 15 year old cannot consent, but I hope you just mean that she technically agreed to it so I’m gonna skim over that part and give benefit of the doubt that it’s just a wording issue). Anyway, in that case, I would not consider this fic to be ethical in either scenario, because it can potentially create material for real predators to read and enjoy, no matter how it is framed. We have to be a lot more careful with SA than with other kinds of whump. Especially a direct, onscreen account of her being physically attracted to the perpetrator…that’s something I don’t see any need to put on the page, and both your scenarios include that.

I would suggest looking at BG3’s Astarion Ancunin as an example of how whump related to SA can be handled respectfully. Astarion’s backstory is that he was a vampire thrall compelled to do sex work against his will for 200 years and probably (though it’s never stated outright) assaulted by his master too - a huge and horrifying amount of sexual trauma. We see him have nightmares, lash out, struggle to trust people, struggle with physical touch, struggle to differentiate his real sexual pleasure from his sense of obligation, and much more. There’s a huge list of heartbreaking scenarios that can be used as inspiration as Astarion deals with what he’s been through. I go feral thinking about Astarion - the angst is so heavy and the healing is so cathartic and I can personally relate to it. A lot of his story was influenced by his voice actor, Niel Newbon, who is a survivor himself. But at no point are Astarion’s experiences of SA directly shown. They don’t need to be. The suffering that comes from SA comes primarily from the way it messes with a person’s sense of bodily autonomy and how they relate to their own desires. No one needs to know what the body parts are doing.

Okay, second thing you might mean: you already plan for both of these to be backstory or offscreen events and you will focus on how those experiences affected her (so basically I just lectured you for no good reason lol). I think the first storyline is more cohesive, because it shows her rescuing someone else who is about to go through similar trauma to what she just experienced, and she gets to do what she wishes someone had done for her, saving her former self in a way. To me, cohesive emotional arcs makes whump more satisfying whether or not it’s the worst possible thing that could happen. I would say that an emotionally impactful scraped knee can feel more dramatic than a whole year of saw-style torture, because for me, whump is all about catharsis. How does the catharsis come in? How do repeating themes show up and what do your characters take away from that? What empowers them to feel that things can be different this time around, or what makes them feel doomed and hopeless as events repeat themselves?

Even then, I really have to stress that this is tricky material and creating a pseud doesn’t negate the potential harm you could do, it just takes away social consequences. Tag appropriately, look at accounts from real survivors if you haven’t experienced something like this yourself, and carefully consider what you’re trying to say with this fic.

Thank you for enjoying my writing and for reaching out. It means a lot to think that I am a favorite writer for someone!! I hope this didn’t come off as harsh - I always try to explain this stuff just in case someone hasn’t thought about it. It’s an issue that's close to my heart.

[women-loving-art]

Alice Pike Barney Natalie at Seven, 1883 / Natalie and Missa, 1890 / Natalie Barney in Fur Cape, 1896 / Natalie with Necklace, c. 1900 / Lucifer, 1902

Some of the paintings that Alice Pike Barney (1857-1931) made using her daughter, Natalie Clifford Barney (1876-1972), as a model. 

“As the year [1900] closed, the fallout from Quelques portraits-sonnets de femmes [Natalie Clifford Barney’s lesbian poetry collection] caused a major break in the Barney family. It had taken months for word of the book to develop a strong buzz, but by now many people had read or at least heard about it. 

Natalie had been dropped by a few Washington society matrons, meaning that they refused to receive her in their homes. At least one family friend approached Natalie that summer, begging her to give up, for the sake of her parents, the course on which she was headed.

In response to her critics, Natalie claimed that she didn’t care whether or not Madame so-and-so deigned to greet her on the street. As she once said of Colette’s first husband, Willy, “Not everyone is capable of knowingly creating a bad reputation for themselves.”

There was a certain hypocrisy to the way Natalie was treated. [...] Discretion (or, if you prefer, sexual hypocrisy) was considered a duty. Among Natalie’s past and future conquests were socialites who, though they preferred the embraces of women, led ostensibly “normal” lives. As long as they married, had children, did charitable work, and managed fine homes, nobody much cared what they did behind closet doors. In the end, Natalie’s greatest sin was not that she was a lesbian, but that she refused to be quiet and ashamed about it. 

One day, Albert Barney [her father] picked up the society gossip journal Town Topics and read a small but fatal headline: Sappho sings in Washington. With that single headline, his world exploded. Highly intelligent and far from naive, his suspicions about his beloved daughter had long ago turned to certainty.

The Town Topics piece, entwining his daughter’s name with that of a perverted Greek harlot, fulfilled his worst nightmares of scandal. The fact that his wife had contributed the artwork to Natalie’s book [three of the four women who modelled for her were her daughter's lovers] constituted a double knife thrust to the heart. How, he wondered, would he ever live this down? 

The timing and exact circumstances of what happened next are impossible to pinpoint. The entire episode wasn’t one that anyone in the family wished to  remember, let alone document. It’s telling that Alice, who scissored from the newspapers each mention of her girls for permanent inclusion in her scrapbook, didn’t bother to keep the big Sappho Sings article.

What is true is this: Albert stormed into the editorial offices at Ollendorff in Paris to buy, and then destroy, the remaining copies and all printing plates for Quelques portraits-sonnets de femmes. His action doubtless accounts for the book’s extreme rarity today. 

He then brutally pulled the blinders from Alice’s eyes about the meaning of the poems in Quelques sonnets. He berated her ceaselessly, and would until his death, for having so naively contributed paintings of Natalie’s lovers to the book. 

The revelation about Natalie’s sexuality stunned Alice. The evidence had been there for years, obvious to all, but she had been in complete denial. Now, forced to accept the truth, she was shocked and sickened. For perhaps the first time ever she was unable to apply the laissez-faire philosophy that had defined her approach to life. 

In early January 1901 the Barneys boarded a ship to New York, leaving Natalie behind. Though weakened by illness, he constantly lambasted Alice, enumerating her countless sins, the greatest of which was the evil inherent in Natalie’s character. As usual, she endured the abuse by politely ignoring him. Deep within, however, she was awash in conflicting emotions. She loved and admired her daughter, but was horrified by her lesbianism. Late in January, she made her feelings clear in a letter that must have devastated Natalie:

It has come at last. Your father is quite crushed by this and really very pathetic. How perhaps you, through your disregard for us and your callousness, may remember my disgust when you would speak of this forbidden sin—and realize that every right-minded decent person is condemning you and us—as they would of the greatest evil... I am too sick and ill to write more. I used to feel sorry for Mrs. Hoy when people said things of Mattie—and how small her sin was—if true—compared with yours, which you broadcast about, as if being evil is not bad enough.

But you must in every way, to every person, make yourself a horror and a danger... Your only chance to redeem yourself is to change your life and writings and remember that in no way can you defend yourself—or reply to this [Town Topics] article... For there is not the slightest loophole. You have closed every escape. [...] You have done a bad thing—a sin against law and mankind and I can only hope that your ideas have shocked and horrified instead of converting.

It took months for Alice to accept Natalie’s nature, but eventually the truth brought mother and daughter closer. No longer engaged in subterfuge and lies, Natalie’s new relationship with Alice was easier, friendlier, and more honest. After her initial repugnance, Alice tried to see Natalie’s sexuality as simply part of her nature—a nature similar in many other ways to her own. “How much of myself I’ve passed on to you,” she wrote years later. “You’re cultivated and I—not—but we’ve got the same traits, grabbing here and there, dashing from this to that. So much of the monkey in us.”

There would be many times in the future when Natalie and Alice didn’t get along, but at its heart their relationship remained strong and loving. Each took pleasure in the other’s accomplishments. “I’m terribly proud of you,” Alice would write; or “I can’t express my admiration, my child.” They would collaborate in writing plays, visit each other, and always, no matter where they might be, there were the affectionate letters. 

Only once, many years later, did Alice reveal the pain that Natalie caused her. It happened when Natalie made a casual observation. “Mother,” she remembered saying. “You have so happy a temperament that I cannot imagine anything that has ever been able to cause you more than a passing sorrow.”

Alice drew back as if struck. She appeared embarrassed, and looked away. Natalie laughed, curious to know what could possibly have shaken her mother’s legendary equanimity, but Alice remained stubbornly and uncharacteristically silent. 

Growing uneasy, Natalie pressed for an answer. Alice hesitated, gazing back over the years to a moment of sorrow so great that it obviously pained her to recall it now. And then, slowly, she faced her daughter, staring with profound sadness into those ice-blue eyes. “You,” she muttered, almost as if speaking to herself. “You...’”

— Suzanne Rodríguez, from Wild Heart: A Life, Natalie Clifford Barney and the Decadence of Literary Paris 

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Bella had met the Volturi's as a child? What would it change and what ties do you think it would have?

It’d change a fair amount, as in, the entire plot of Twilight would have been derailed. Or, that is, it might change nothing at all.

So, we have three options here. 

Nothing Changes

Bella is an extraordinarily delicious child visiting Italy and the small medieval town of Volterra.

If Bella doesn’t happen to be on the tour, probably whoever’s looking at her sighs, looks longingly at her delicious blood, and then walks away. The Volturi do not lose control in their own city.

Bella goes on her merry way and Twilight presumably happens. Except maybe Bella goes to Alice, “Oh yeah, Volterra, I went there once. Nifty place, nice buildings.” Alice stares.

Bella’s Eaten

Bella’s an extraordinarily delicious child whose mother thinks it’s a great idea to sign them up for the tour of Volterra castle. It’s a very exclusive tour you know! Bella’s eaten almost immediately, she’s probably fought over, Jane gets one limb and Alec gets another.

Years later, Edward arrives in Forks, his personal purgatory where he listens to the banal thoughts of teenagers. Bella Swan does not arrive. Edward continues to be miserable and depressed.

The Cullens have a game of baseball with James, Laurent, and Victoria. Unfortunately, James recognizes Alice, and is intrigued enough to come after her. Unfortunately, Alice is a vampire and not a human with human relatives to hold hostage. The Cullens murder him, Laurent flees to have sex with the sexy Denali ladies, and Victoria swears vengeance upon Jasper.

Unfortunately, her gift tells her that any attempt to murder Jasper will end up with her dead. Jasper doesn’t give her the time needed to plan. He hunts her down and murders her in cold blood.

Carlisle has the world’s worst weekend. 

Edward is still depressed and concludes this is why vampires are abominations without souls. Irina gets to keep her boyfriend, he cheats on the diet and leaves within the year. Irina drowns herself in rebound sex with pretty mortals to try and feel better abou tbeing dumped. It doesn’t work.

Aro Discovers Bella

And this is probably the route you were thinking of.

Perhaps Aro’s taking a midnight stroll with Renata, perhaps he catches Bella on the tour, but somehow he manages to meet her and happens to brush her hand. Suddenly, eating Bella is off the table forever.

Bella’s gift isn’t game changing in the way Alec and Jane’s were, necessarily, but it is something Aro does not want falling into enemy hands and something he may one day need.

He’d probably do something similar to what he intended to do with Alec and Jane. He’d leave her to live her mortal life, keep close tabs on her, and turn her when she’s a young adult (probably around twenty).

Which means Bella returns to America, probably tailed by Demetri, and has no awareness that she is at some poing going to become an immortral blood drinking creature and move to Italy to become a member of an ancient vampire sect.

Bella moves to Forks, she has a run in with Edward Cullen who very nearly eats her, Demetri calls Aro to say “we have a problem”. At first, Aro isn’t too concerned, he’s delighted to hear that Carlisle’s alive and well and my god he has a coven now. Given Edward is Carlisle’s progeny, Aro is probably sure Edward will leave the city completely to avoid temptation and the others will quickly move on.

Edward’s back within the week. He attends school. He sits within a foot of Bella Swan in Biology class.

Demetri at this point probably summons Bella out of school in the middle of Biology with no warning, gets her the hell away from Edward, and has to come up with the world’s most ridiculous lie of why she should never enter within 20 feet of Edward Cullen ever again.

Demetri is a federal agent and Edward is under suspicion of being a sexual predator and serial murderer. Here are all the women who have disappeared in various towns the Cullen family have lived in.

Bella is of course horrified and shocked, but given Edward’s reaction in that first Biology class and his weirdness in the second one... 

Aro calls Carlisle. It’s a very awkward talk. Carlisle apologizes for not writing in forever he got... distracted. Aro says it’s fine, no big, CARLISLE MISSED WATCHING THE MOON LANDING WITH HIM. But regardless, Aro is calling to ask him what the fuck.

Aro tells him about Bella, Carlisle is very uncomfortable with this girl having no choice but to become a vampire and no idea what’s going to happen to her, but there’s no talking Aro out of it. He’s even more uncomfortable that he has been begging Edward to skip town but, for some unknown reason that is perhaps pride, Edward is refusing. 

“All these worlds are yours,” Aro undoubtedly says, “Except Europa, attempt no landing there.”

In other words, hands off Isabella Swan.

Carlisle tells Edward. Edward is appalled and conflicted. At this point, he’s unwillingly fascinated by Bella but has not yet decided he’s in love. He doesn’t quite have her Carlisle persona crafted yet  and so she’s not the saintly figure deserving of worship. Right now she’s just this plain, boring, girl who dared to smell delicious.

So, a part of him thinks it serves her right. Now she will suffer for all eternity as he does. More, he can save face, the monster inside him can go back to sleep for her days are number and he can pretend he’s the wonderful person everyone thinks he is. Everything will remain as exactly as it is. EDWARD IS FINE, THIS IS FINE.

Another part of him panics. First, this girl is condemned to the worst future imaginable. Not only is she becoming a demon, but a blood drinking demon at Blood Drinking Demon HQ. More, if she becomes a vampire, no blood for Edward. And remember, this is a scent he would scour the world for. Edward salivates over the thought of her blood, obsesses over it constantly, and fantasizes over how he will devour her. Suddenly, Edward may not be able to eat her. In canon, the option of eating her is always on the table, and some part of Edward is always thinking about it, always leaving it open. Here, it’s soon to be gone.

Edward probably sneaks into her room at night to watch over her sleep. Telling himself he’s protecting her from meteors but also realizing that he’s there to test his own will power and ponder over the future in which he quietly eats her in the middle of the night. 

Now, this can go two ways

Bella wakes up, and that guy Demetri said is a sexual predator targeting her is IN HER BEDROOM LOOKING SCARY AS FUCK. Bella undoubtedly screams bloody murder and tries to hit Edward with something.

Edward panics at the noise and eats her. Then when Charlie comes running he eats Charlie Swan too. The house is an utter blood bath, Edward stands there in a daze knowing the monster inside him has won. He no longer looks anything like Carlisle Cullen (this is a thing Edward does).

Probably though, Demetri is there. Which means Edward has heard his thoughts from the beginning. While Edward has the overconfidence of Gilderoy Lockhart, and tells Bella things like the laws of physics not applying to his driving or that he could beat Jasper in a fight with both hands tied behind his back, usually when push comes to shove he knows where he stands. (He tries to fight Jane in Volterra, it doesn’t go well, and he acts very meek at being confronted by Jane, Felix, etc. When he fights Victoria, he doesn’t fight at all, but just blathers nonsense and it somehow works out for him.)

So, while Edward will tell Jasper later that he totally could have taken Demetri, he’s not going to try. 

So, instead, Demetri goes, “Hey buddy, looking for a midnight snack?” and Edward shuffles and petulantly asks, “Aren’t you looking for a midnight snack?!” Edward’s here to protect Bella, you see. Demetri just nods, of course, Edward’s here to protect Bella.

They stare at each other.

Neither leaves.

Eventually, Edward slinks away, feeling very disgusted with himself, angry and Demetri, and internally raging that he didn’t get to eat Bella.

Demetri calls Aro and notes that they’ve got to turn the girl. Demetri cannot watch her 24/7 and this boy is 100% going to eat her. Aro hops on a plane in record time, bringing Renata, and makes an awkward visit to both Carlisle and Bella.

Aro tells Bella the truth about Edward which is... a little different but also pretty scary, the truth about what’s going to happen to her and why it’s important, and anything else she wants to know.

I imagine Bella quietly and stoically accepts her fate. 

Edward doesn’t get to eat Bella Swan. He feels very conflicted about it and is filled with self-loathing that he’s conflicted about it. I imagine the Madonna complex he holds for Bella blossoms at this point, and he later comes to Italy with the intent to free her from the Volturi clutches.

This doesn’t work out. 

Knowing Edward, his attempts increase in desperation until, finally, he does something very illegal in an attempt to free her and make up for damning her to this life.

The Volturi are forced to execute Edward.

Carlisle gets yet another awkward, terrible, phone call from Aro.

[une-nuit-pour-se-souvenir]

random stuff on songs in Sansa I ~ AFFC

All her nights were full of song, and by day she prayed for silence.

Sansa loves songs, but in truth they are just a sanitised version of history. Sansa's role in history will be big, from her stay at King's Landing to her return to Winterfell, on and on. She's already part of a song, she's just not aware of it.

And the songs he chose . . . He sang of the Dance of the Dragons, of fair Jonquil and her fool, of Jenny of Oldstones and the Prince of Dragonflies. He sang of betrayals, and murders most foul, of hanged men and bloody vengeance. He sang of grief and sadness.

No matter where she went in the castle, Sansa could not escape the music.

This is the history she has not lived yet. We know this is true because the very first, the Dance of the Dragons, has a second equivalent that has just only started and hasn't affected her as of yet (not even in her first chapter of TWOW).

Anyway, three songs: Dance of the Dragons, Florian and Jonquil, and Duncan and Jenny.

It floated up the winding tower steps, found her naked in her bath, supped with her at dusk, and stole into her bedchamber even when she latched the shutters tight. It came in on the cold thin air, and like the air, it chilled her.

There are four moments these songs catch her in. It's the second that gives it away as to how it should be interpreted because they match 1:1. But starting from the start...

"He sang of the Dance of the Dragons" VERSUS "It floated up the winding tower steps."

The Dance of the Dragons redux has started when Young Griff outed himself as Aegon VI and invaded Westeros. He opened the "hostilities" when he refused to grovel for Daniella's favour and went to get his birthright himself. Daniella will also participate because she sees the throne as her birthright and has no problems usurping the rightful heirs (Viserys). It's likely Jon will be dragged into this, as he's Targaryen as well.

"It floated up the winding tower steps" projects the idea of an upwards movement. The dragon song is coming up North. There are two options here, Sansa will flee North because the dragon war reaches the Vale (in whatever form, even if by rumour) straight to the arms of another dragon (Girl in Grey) and / or the dragon war will eventually come North. It's my conviction that the Targaryen brothers will fight each other for a time (Aegon's Conquest meets Northern Independence) before reaching a truce, which would qualify as part of the Dance of Dragons.

"Jonquil and her fool" VERSUS "found her naked in her bath"

This is the most obvious sign that they should be paired as said, since Florian and Jonquill's story is literally that, Florian finding Jonquill naked in a pool and falling in love with her. There is more to this story (it also involves dragons), but in specific the bath part is mentioned here. BTW this is a stupid story. Nobody falls in love with another because they see them naked, at most they fall in lust. Regardless, if Sansa is up North (either way from the previous song she's already there and as of TWOW she's heading there soon), then there's one candidate, the Winterfell Hot Springs.

We can guess a male finds Sansa naked at the Hot Springs, and something that can be passed of as romance happens. Much like before, there are several ways this can come to be but there are only two characters that are associated with frisky times in the Godswood of Winterfell, Theon Greyjoy and Jon Snow. The former is too traumatised by sexual torture while the latter has fantasies of bathing naked with his woman and then have exibitionist sex in front of the Heart Tree, so the latter is the likelier candidate.

I know it's not a popular theory because it's somewhat disgusting, but it all adds up. The Stark kids bathed naked at the Hot Springs (Bran confirms this in ACOK, but this also happens at the Water Gardens until they're 12-14,). A 12-14 male teen is at that age when they start getting "interested" in the opposite sex (only worse if thy parade around naked), so imagine a teen getting "interested" in someone they shouldn't at the weekly Stark kids bathing routine and this horrifies them so much because tHeY'Re NoT tArGaRyEnS to the point of wanting to join a celibate order, sacrificing their biggest wish (family). And that's remembered by this teen, now a man, in a "take two" of this event. Truly a fool though, as he knows nothing about "tArGaRyEnS" or that they're actually not siblings.

"Jenny of Oldstones and the Prince of Dragonflies" VERSUS "supped with her at dusk, and stole into her bedchamber even when she latched the shutters tight"

"supped with her at dusk" projects the idea of just before the night starts, which in ASOIAF also projects the idea of the Long Night and before winter. Such this all gives us the time frame, just before the dead come. You know, around the time the northern campaign happens. It's my conviction, from a number of feasts Sansa attends where she supped "trouts", that this suggests the norther campaign will likely extend to the Riverlands and may meet with Aegon's Conquest campaign (Dance of Dragons V2, congruent with song 1).

"stole into her bedchamber even when she latched the shutters" projects the idea of a thief getting inside an intimate place (where she sleeps, where her bed is) despite her best efforts not to. The simpler conclusion is rape. The most likely conclusion though, is something much more benign.

"stole into her bedchamber" in ASOIAF is associated with wildling custom of marriage. Most (if not all) accounts of this ritual involve the man getting the woman while she's asleep. I can recall three stories where it happened as such. Bael stole a Stark maiden from her bed. Yggrite accuses Jon of stealing her the night the Night's Watch raided their camp, she's the one that was asleep. Longspear stole Munda from her bed while she was asleep. Interestingly, the first is a Stark, the others are redheads. These fit Sansa perfectly.

So Sansa stolen by a wilding or someone that qualifies as one. Any will do, but in specific there's a character that has already been mentioned twice in regards with these songs and also fits into this one. Jon Snow has been accused of having become a wildling / half-wildling due to spending time with them and making peace with them. He was accused of stealing Ygritte but refused that he did it, considered stealing another to make a family but also refused to usurp Sansa's claim (we'll get to that below), so there's a third coming up for him.

"even when she latched the shutters" suggests resistance and that's also according to wildling custom, as the woman is supposed to fight against stealing. While a wildling woman fights physically, Sansa fights psychologically. As for sex, Sansa fought against Sandor with kindness and fought against Tyrion with courtesy, so neither succeeded in stealing her. However, Sansa "latching the shutters" suggests a different kind of resistance than those used before (both Sandor and Tyrion entered her bedchamber without stealing into it), as if she put barriers in place.

Sansa putting up barriers happens in ASOS / AFFC. She doesn't believe anyone will marry her for love ("It is not me she wants her son to marry, it is my claim. No one will ever marry me for love.") and she doesn't really want to marry again. ("A marriage . . ." Her throat tightened. She did not want to wed again, not now, perhaps not ever."). Such, "stole into her bedchamber even when she latched the shutters" suggests that Jon convinces her otherwise. The question is... how.

"Jenny of Oldstones and the Prince of Dragonflies" Now, for the song that goes with it, is also kind of telling. The story of Jenny and Duncan is about Duncan falling in love with Jenny and abdicating so he can marry her. So someone throws away their claim, breaking through Sansa's belief that nobody will marry for love but for her claim, and will ease her into wanting to marry again.

Jon actually has two claims. The first is Robb's will, which names Jon as his heir over Sansa. Jon wanting to void the will not only follows the Jenny and Duncan song (the man throws away his claim for the woman) it also destroys half of Sansa's barrier (he protects her claim, we already know he did this once per Stannis' insistence, incidently stealing a woman was mentioned, as said before it appears it's all thematically linked).

The second is by birth, as he's Rhaegar Targarye's son. If somehow Jon is legitimate, then he's King Aegon VI's heir until he has children, and he's also a prince. If I recall, most of Sansa's allusions around a Targ union are with a Targaryen prince, not a Targaryen king). If Jon is a bastard, then he'll be considered a threat to a Aegon VI, just like every bastard is (the Targaryens are well known for bloody wars between legitimates and bastards). I would assume this will be a doozy for brothers to deal with.

Somehow, either or both claims should have a hand in convincing Sansa that Jon would want to marry her for love instead of her claim as well as convincing Sansa to marry again. Robb's will clearly covers the former but not the latter (she can't marry her brother, tHeY'Re NoT LaNnIsTeR oR TaRgArYeNs, even though they are). However, Jon's second claim is what allows that marriage. For example, if Aegon accepts peace between the South belonging to him and the North belonging to Sansa as long as Jon throws away hs claim, yeah that's it. But any that fits the Duncan and Jenny story as well as Sansa being stolen despite her misgivings, will do.

It's worth noting Robb's will and it's implications (Sansa being usurped and Jon's kids being a threat to the legitimate line) are discussed at lenght between Cat and Robb at Oldstones, precisely where legend says Jenny and Duncan met (or where she came from, I cannot remember now the specifics), next to a sepulcher that represents Jon's true birthright as a Targaryen (the sepulcher is of a king with a warhammer upon his chest, which is how his father Rhaegar died, and covered with wild roses, which are a symbol of his mother Lyanna), and solves Robb's will implications (they can marry each other, so his children are hers, so they're no threat to the Stark legitimate line). As said, all tightly thematically linked and I cannot blieve this us a coincidence.

It came in on the cold thin air, and like the air, it chilled her. Though it had not snowed upon the Eyrie since the day that Lady Lysa fell, the nights had all been bitter cold.

So Dance of Dragons starts (Aegon's Conquest), some shenanigans at Winterfell's Hot Springs, then some claim throwing to the trash and a marriage. And after that comes winter. So it kind of suggests this all happens BEFORE the War of the Dawn, not after.

After the songs bit, we have the "meat" of the chapter, which is what the whole thing revolves around. Petyr and Sansa must lie about Lysa's fate to both Robyn and the Vale Lords. I would just like to point the following.

“Some lies are love, ” Petyr had assured her. She reminded him of that.

“When we lied to Lord Robert, that was just to spare him, ” she said.

“And this lie may spare us. Else you and I must leave the Eyrie by the same door Lysa used.” Petyr picked up his quill again. “We shall serve him lies and Arbor gold, and he’ll drink them down and ask for more, I promise you.”

He is serving me lies as well, Sansa realized. They were comforting lies, though, and she thought them kindly meant. A lie is not so bad if it is kindly meant.

Petyr, who's pretending to be Sansa's father, lied to her cousin Robyn about his mother, to spare him from the pain of the truth. Likewise Ned, who's Sansa's father, most likely lied to her cousin Jon about his mother, to spare him from the pain of the truth. Some lies are love, they are kindly meant.

Petyr, who's sort of Warden of the East for the time being, must lie to the Vale's lords & company about Lysa's fate, as he believes if he told the truth, he and his fake child (Sansa) would die. Likewise Ned, who's Warden of the North, must also lie to the rest of the realm about Lyanna's fate (death by childbirth), as he believes if he told the truth, he and his fake child (Jon) would die. Some lies spare innocents (Sansa / Jon), they are also kindly meant.

There's more stuff, but I don't feel like writing it now.

I always lol at Sansa's cousin being upset about his mother's death so he soughts her bed to nuzzle at her breasts and wet the bed (*shifts eyes*). This is important because Sansa bars the door to keep him out ("she latched the shutters"), yet at the end of the chapter, her cousin gets inside anyway ("stole into her chambers") because she forgot to bar the door. No idea what's that supposed to suggest, right?

[miraclekittyandbug]

Ten Questions With A Twist  Chapter 7 (Final Chapter)

Here ya go!  Final chapter! So exciting! Please don’t hesitate to comment and tell me what you think of it and what you would like to see in the next fic!

~ Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ Chapter 6 ~ This Chapter ~

Patrol that night couldn’t have come fast enough. Adrien got there about fifteen minutes early, only to be surprised that Ladybug was already at their meeting place. When he saw her the realization hit him all over again. There, on the ledge of the Eiffel Tower, was Marinette Dupain-Cheng, in a magical suit and a magical mask. She glanced up and him and beamed. His heart melted. There was only one more step to the plan.

“Evening, my lady! How are you fairing on this lovely parisian night?”

Ladybug sighed and smiled, staring at the city before her. “I’m doing… really well. I’ve got all those answers, if you’re ready for them.” She turned so she was sitting cross legged next to Chat, who had sat down to her right.

“I actually have one more question for you to ask him.” Chat focused on his dangling legs, not brave enough to make eye contact with what he was about to say.

“You’re never going to guess all these answers, kitty.”

He responded, glancing her direction, “I have my ways.”

“Alright what’s this question?”

Still not daring to make eye contact, he mustered up enough courage and told her the addition to the list. Her reaction was immediate.

“No. No way, Chat, I absolutely cannot ask him that question! I barely got through the ten you already gave me and that question is a million times worse than any of them! I’m simply not capable!”

Chat shrugged, having expected something along these lines. “You’re capable of anything, Bugaboo. But you don’t have to ask it if you don’t want to. I’ll have the answer either way.”

“He could be anybody, Chat. How can you be so sure? Really, tell me.”

“I’ll tell you what, Bug. Ask the question or don’t. Either way, I’ll explain everything tomorrow night, if you’re willing to listen.”

The next day at school, Adrien couldn’t contain his excitement. Knowing Marinette, he didn’t bother getting to school early. He did, however, wait outside until he saw her run up the sidewalk. Not as late as she had been the day before, but still in a hurry nonetheless. He stood there, frozen for a minute. He watched as she met up with Alya and chatted a bit as they walked up to the steps. He stared in horror as she glanced in his direction to find him gazing at her. 

Suddenly, Adrien realized he wasn’t excited. He was nervous. Like, REALLY nervous. Because if she worked up the courage to ask that question then he would have to work up the courage to answer it. He would have to answer that question that he gave her. THE question. Holy shit, he couldn’t do this. He was sweating. And she was walking towards him. She was blushing, but grew more concerned as she grew near. Adrien felt the sweat trickle down his neck and his face grow flush. He could only imagine what horrifying monstrosity his face had mangled itself into.

But Marinette was in front of him. She waved her hand in front of his face and he snapped out of it.

“Are you okay, Adrien? You don’t look too good.”

Adrien cleared his throat before he dared to answer, “Oh, me? Yeah I think I just need some fresh air.”

Marinette looked around her. “Well you’re already outside, so hopefully that will help. Did you need me to take you to the nurse’s office?”

“No,” he waved his hands in front of him, “I’m just gonna run to the bathroom and splash some water on my face.”

“Okay. And I want you to know,” she lowered her voice so nobody else could hear them, “If you think this might be a panic attack, I know all sorts of techniques to help with that. Breathing exercises and pressure points in your hands, the whole deal. They’re nothing to be ashamed of.”

Oh god, he fell in love with her all over again. He suddenly felt like crying, just because her gaze was so comforting. She stared into his eyes and smiled the most genuine smile. He found himself being drawn to her. Faster than he had control over, he glanced down to her lips and found that she did the same. Microscopically, they grew closer. This, Adrien thought, was not part of the plan. But who am I to resist?

“Adrien! Bro!” Nino called, snapping the two out of their shared reverie. Nino ran up to them, completely oblivious to the fact that he was interrupting something. “Hey, are you alright, dude? I’ve been calling your name for like two full minutes.”

“Yeah,” Adrien shrugged his way out of the awkward air that surrounded them, daring to look at Marinette, he found she was doing much the same. She wasn’t making eye contact and instead she was studying the hem of her sleeve.

And so the day went on.

And on.

And on. 

Adrien got in close proximity to Marinette as often as he could, but once she saw him, Marinette would only blush and walk away. A handful of times she was the one that approached him, but they both lost their nerve before the question was asked or answered.

All too soon, and yet not soon enough, that evening’s patrol was about to start. Chat found himself circling the block a few times, trying to run off his adrenaline. He thought he had purged himself clean of it, but when he landed at their meeting place, his heart started racing again. 

This was it. This was the moment.

“Did you ask that question?” Chat asked, settling down on her left side this time.

Ladybug sighed, “I tried, Chat, I honestly did. But I just couldn’t. Everytime I attempted, my heart started beating so fast and I got in my own head and then I pictured his response and was wondering if it was going to be the response that I wanted or if it was if he would even be able to say that to me or even-”

“Hey! It’s okay! Calm down, you’ll hyperventilate. A friend told me today about breathing exercises and pressure points. Do you know any?”

Ladybug paled, but after a moment took a deep breath and dug her thumb into her opposite hand.

“It’s alright that you didn’t ask. I know the answer anyway.”

“Alright, Chat,” Ladybug relaxed and looked her partner in the eyes, “I’ve waited a day. Now tell me how you know these answers. Because, unless you have proof, I’ll never believe you know the answer to that question.”

Chat was leaning back on the palms of hands, and glanced at Ladybug. “You want proof?” he asked, trying to be casual.

Ladybug looked at him, concern and something unnamed in her eyes, “Desperately.”

“Alright. I’ll tell you. But I need you to promise me something.”

Ladybug sat up straighter when she saw Chat do the same, “Whatever you need.”

“Promise me you won’t interrupt me. I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to finish saying what I have to say if you stop me at any point.”

Her eyes grazed the skyline, something in her knowing that things were about to change. “I promise. I’m ready.”

Chat faced his partner and crossed his legs.

“This boy you like has blonde hair and green eyes. He’s really good at fencing and loves his friends,” somewhere in his mind, Chat was aware that these weren’t the answers, but he couldn’t help himself. He needed to describe himself fully. “But you already knew that.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Man, this is harder than I thought it would be.” Ladybug put a hand on his knee. Not interrupting, because she promised she wouldn’t, but just making enough contact to let him know she was listening. 

Chat continued, “This boy you like wants to visit Italy. He’s been before but never got to sightsee because of his father’s business. His favorite animals are cats, and if he could have any pet in the world he would have a black cat named the Plague. His worst fear is that he’s going to work for his father his whole life when he actually wants to be a stay at home dad one day. His favorite movie is The Princess Bride and he even referenced it when he was asked what his name was by responding ‘Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.’ If he were stuck on an island he would bring his three best friends to keep him company. He said he goes to Hogwarts and you were really frustrated that he wasn’t giving you straight answers. His favorite dessert is the macarons from your parents bakery. And, my lady, if you had asked him that question, the one I begged you to ask him.” Chat looked her in the eyes for the first time since he started talking, “If you had worked up the nerve to ask and he had worked up the nerve to answer, I would have told you that I am in love with Ladybug, but I’m really starting to fall for you too, Marinette.” 

Her eyes were red-rimmed and watery. The two just stared at each other for a moment. There was only silence between them, heavy and filled with something neither of them could name. Chat was forcing himself not to think about what he just did, if only because she hadn’t responded yet. Ladybug’s lips were wavering, but not in a frown or a smile, only twitching as if they were eager to say something but hadn’t been given a script. Chat was about to run away- go around Paris and chase rooftops while he tried not to consider the damage he had just done to the most important relationship in his life. 

But then he heard a chuckle, short and sweet. Tears were streaming down her face, but the chuckle built itself up into a giggle and then into the sounds of laughter. If that sound, still, he thought, the most beautiful sound in the world, was any indication, those were tears of joy falling between them.

Ladybug clutched her stomach in laughter and her heart in joy. Chat heard her talk through her laughter, “You’re such an asshole! You made me reconsider my sexuality!” She was leaning towards him with tears still in her eyes, staring at him incredulously, “You actually had me thinking I might have been poly!”

It was impossible for Chat to stifle his own laugh, “Hey, you had me thinking the same thing before I figured it out!” 

Something magnetic within her drew her closer to Chat, “I can’t believe it, she spoke, mostly to herself, “I fell in love with the same boy twice.” Chat could barely hear her over the sounds of the city, “Chat, I think you should ask out this girl.”

At full volume, he leans his head down so he could catch her eye, “Would you go out with me, Ladybug?”

Another laugh erupted from her, this time loud enough for the whole world to hear, “Silly kitty. Superheroes can’t date! I think you’d be much happier if your civilian self asked out that Marinette girl. I have a feeling she’ll say yes.”

~ Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ Chapter 6 ~ This Chapter ~

And that’s all she wrote! I so hope you guys liked this. Please don’t hesitate to send me asks, as I would really love to write more for you! I’m working on another fic in the meantime, but it will probably be a while until it’s out. 

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all your like and comments and reblogs!

[wiseabsol]

Some Truth of the Divine speculation, now that I've finally gotten around to reading Lindsay Ellis' Axiom's End and had a blast with it. Seriously, it's the most fun I've had in a while (I stayed up until 4am reading it), and at certain points I put the book down and went, "Oh. Oh no. Ellis knows EXACTLY what I'm weak for. Please send help."

So here are an assortment of thoughts on what might be in book two:

- We know that Cora and Kaveh will be point of view characters for book two, with possibly a third pov. I'm thinking that if we do get a third pov, it will be from Ampersand's last symphyle.

- I think Ampersand's last symphyle will be the "agent of chaos" mentioned in the blurb. I'm also wondering if this symphyle's arrival will kick off the discussion of what genders the amygdalines identify as.

- I also wonder if Cora will gel with this last symphyle, kicking off an on-page poly relationship between Cora, Ampersand, and the last symphyle. Poly relationships do appear to be the cultural norm for amygdalines.

- Alternatively, maybe the last symphyle is doing poorly from losing all of their group except for Ampersand, and is in full lashing out and causing chaos mode. I definitely don't want a repeat of Obelus--because then you really have to wonder how healthy Ampersand's original group was--but the blurb for Truth of the Divine seems to suggest that this new arrival makes the tense situation on Earth much worse.

- Nils is unfortunately probably going to appear in the book and be a charming, manipulative jerkass to Cora, because of course he's going to try to take advantage of her role as an interpreter for Ampersand. On the plus side, I cannot wait for Ampersand to realize how much Nils is hurting Cora, because then he can fulfill the protective monster boyfriend role. It is always delicious, even if I think Ampersand will go a little far with it (there will probably be some blood. I am a bad person and would be okay with this).

- "While asking the question of what constitutes a 'person,' Ellis also examines what makes a monster." So yeah, the monster or monsters in this will probably be humans behaving badly, rather than amygdalines. The blurb mentions hate groups, after all. One of these monsters will also probably be Nils, because he's already been set up as a villain with great PR (and sometimes a point). Also, don't think I don't see that line as a reference to Beauty and the Beast and The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Ellis.

- Cora and Ampersand are most likely going to have sex in this book. According to Ellis, there will be smut, but it's not like what we're imagining. I'm wondering if it's not like what we're imagining because it will involve more people than just them? Maybe Cora hooks up with someone and Ampersand is psychically there and possibly experiencing sexual pleasure for the first time? Maybe Ampersand's and his symphyle have the psychic equivalent of a steamy reunion and Cora gets some feedback from that?

- Okay though, so it's supposed to be a darker book. Let's say that Cora and Ampersand do get it on, and Ampersand is experiencing sexual pleasure for the first time through their psychic bond (since that isn't a Thing for amygdalines). Would he get a bit...intense about that? Seek it out multiple times? He's a traumatized adult in the middle of grieving the loss of yet another symphyle, and he WANTS to be close to Cora, and who knows how that psychic bond is going to grow between them (I feel like there are hints that Cora could learn high language someday, it'll just be something that develops over time). So what if that is going on, and maybe they're not as careful with it as they should be, and they get caught on a recording? Which someone, probably Nils, then leaks? The backlash from it on all sides--because I don't get the sense that the amygdalines would be cool with it any more than the humans would--would cause a lot of drama and pain that would need to be dealt with. Also, that would be the ultimate violation from Nils. Do I want it to happen? Definitely not. Could I easily see it happening, given how under surveillance the amygdalines are and how leaky the information about them is? Unfortunately, yes.

- "Questionable use of non-human anatomy" will probably be Ampersand shapeshifting his fingers into...some other things. Given that he's a nervous system encased in a dragon-shaped mechanical body, he will need to get creative to make things work.

- I live in fear of what secrets Ampersand is keeping and what he lied about in the first book. What are his "machinations" that no one was meant to see?

- Is Cora going to call Ampersand out for not asking her if it was okay to fusion bond with her? I'm unclear on how that happened without her consent. Also, the implication that an amygdaline can form a fusion bond with someone whenever, without them knowing about it or needing to accept the invite into their headspace, makes me worried about amygdaline society (unless that was just how it worked with Cora?). I have a feeling that a part of why Ampersand told her to keep their bond a secret wasn't just because it could put them both in danger, but because it's probably something that would be illegal to do in amygdaline society.

- Ampersand is going to have to learn how to not be such a control freak in this book, as Obelus implied he would be. The whole idea that cultural assimilation/fusion isn't possible, only cultural conquest, will also need to be challenged.

- The Genome's body being taken away will come back in a horrifying way, maybe with some cloning.

- Will Ampersand find the people whose brains he damaged and fix them? If he does, I'll bet it's because he doesn't want Cora to be mad at him, rather than from genuine remorse.

- Felix is totally going to run away with Nils and that is going to backfire 100%.

- I hope Esperas has a Pet the Dog moment with Cora, maybe while literally petting her dogs. I could really see him empathizing with Cora over how much of a jerk Ampersand is being.

- Maybe we'll learn how Nils got the Fremda Memo and what Luciana had to do with it.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Lily (from "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus", what else?) and Lenin and maybe some other people? Watch "Heathers". Reactions? Or what they get transported there? Sorry, it's just that I'm in this Heathers-obsession phase and since I love your work so much (and the fact that Trotsky is kinda sorta like JD) I've been wondering about a crossover like that. I honestly have no idea what your answer to this will entail.

I’ve been musing on this one for a bit now but I suppose it’s time to dig in and answer.

First, I’m not usually a fan of the “X characters watch Y thing” so we’re going to avoid that. Also, to Wizard Lenin, it’d undoubtedly be yet another one of Lily’s weird 80′s movies that she loves so much and forces him to watch. It’s less gory than Predator, but dammit Lily, high school isn’t like this! 

Getting transported there is a similarly weird story. It’s such a muggle setting that it really doesn’t mesh well with the “Sisyphus” cast. Why would Lily and Wizard Lenin be stuck in this high school in Ohio? Would they even do anything besides go “That JD kid sure is weird” and “Wow, the death count here is higher than Hogwarts!”? Point being, I can’t imagine they’d get entangled in the true plot of “Heathers” and at best would be providing riff track commentary on this crazy high school. 

So, instead, let’s go the good old fusion route. Let’s make the world of “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus” just a bit more like “Heathers” and see how it pans out.

Because “Heathers” is all about the destruction of society from within, we’re axing Voldemort. Sorry, Tom, you got stuck in a magical mirror, eaten by bears, or something after 1943 and are going to be Sir Not Appearing in this Universe. As a result, there’s no Voldemort, but the deep societal issues that Tom took advantage of very much remain and are flourishing. 

In this world, Lily is still a god, but is not immediately recognized as such by being the girl who lived. Instead, she’s just a strange, dangerously overpowered, nuisance that nobody likes. And her home life is trash.

I imagine in the world without Voldemort, Death Eaters, and a second war Lily and James’ marriage quickly crumbles. This is mainly due to the stress of marriage but also due to having a gifted, ridiculously intelligent, and creepy child. Within a few years, Lily Evans has the audacity to do what is never done: she divorces her pureblood lord husband and tries to vie for child custody. She loses, of course, as she’s a muggle born woman, and is basically banished from ever seeing her kid again.

James never really gets over this, Ellie looking so much like Lily Evans certainly not helping matters, and over the years grows very cold to her. She’s not a son so is useless to inherit, she’s nothing like him, and she’s just an all around disappointment. James very quickly gets remarried for political purposes, marrying a far less scandelous pureblood witch from pick your prestigious family, and they have a son meaning that Lily is no longer heir.

Lily thus attends Hogwarts as essentially the half-blood Potter. She’s for all intents and purposes a bastard child, one barely acknowledged by her father, and is also weird. As a result I imagine she’s bullied relentlessly much in the manner Luna is. For years.

I imagine Luna Lovegood is her only friend, as the pair have bonded over constantly having their stuff destroyed and being locked out of their dormitories. 

Enter Lily’s seventh year and thus the plot.

The outside world is looming and Lily effectively has no future. Despite being the daughter of Lord Potter, she’s in a similar position that Tom Riddle was. She won’t be hired into the Ministry or basically any position thanks to her dubious heritage as well as the fact that no one likes her.

Mostly, she just wants out. She wants out of the country where everyone knows exactly who she is and where she came from. Her best hope for this is employment with the goblins but she needs recommendations from a professor. Her best bet is Slughorn, but while he’s always been awed of her ability after seven years of Lily the charm has worn off. Lily has never received an invitation to the Slug Club.

Lily realizes that to get out she must become popular so someone can vouch for her to Slughorn. Not to mention her life might become slightly, slightly, less miserable. So, Lily approaches the Heathers. Much like in the film/musical, Lily offers her services to them for the fee of making nice, pretending to like her, and getting her an in with Slughorn.

This spirals out of control as the Heathers instead do the makeover and make Lily suddenly cool. She’s suddenly invited to parties, people talk to her, it’s a whole new world.

Around this time, Lily in the room of requirement happens to stumble across the diary (nevermind how he gets there, we’ll pretend Tom just never managed to smuggle him out of the castle). Tom has been trapped in there, dying, and Lily obliviously informs him that all his ambitions and sacrifices amounted to nothing. There was no dark lord after Grindelwald, she’s never heard of a Tom Riddle, and everything she describes makes it sound like nothing has changed.

Tom Riddle inexplicably vanished off the face of the earth leaving only the diary behind.

Naturally, Tom is very pissed about this, and sets about plotting how he can return, trying to get Lily to open up by asking her for help returning him to his body. Lily does him one better and just returns him to his body without any sacrifice, casually remarking that she’s always been like this as long as she can remember, fully accepting Tom to yell “SHE’S A WITCH! BURN HER!” to her face as everyone else does.

Tom, however, is floored and everything he’s ever known to be true is thrown out the window. He decides to make Lily his new pet project. 

Unfortunately for him, by this point Lily has a Slug Club to attend, only it goes horribly wrong. The Heathers have purposefully set about humiliating Luna, Lily’s only friend, and Lily has to very publicly break ties with them even though it means sacrificing her only real chance of leaving the country with gainful employment. Worse, the Heathers promise wrath the likes of which Lily has never seen before.

Lily, devastated and despairing, goes back to Tom and confesses all the shitiness of her extremely shitty life and how she doesn’t even know what the Heathers will do to her now. Tom finds this a little odd, as Lily has quickly proven herself the most powerful person on the planet, but he’s willing to play along. More to the point, Lily and Tom’s relationship goes from 0 to 100 as he is not only the first guy to show interest in her but he’s very very interested and very very hot. When Lily decides to beg Alpha Heather for forgiveness, Tom notes that he’ll come with, he’s better with people than she is.

Tom, having hit a low point of nihilist rage thanks to Voldemort having amounted to nothing, poisons Alpha Heather and dutifully covers for Lily by writing her suicide note. This works. There is an ecstasy of joyous grief throughout the school as staff and students alike confess how they never knew the true Heather. Lily is astounded, Tom is ecstatic.

Lily tries to return to life as normal, goes back to hanging out with Luna, but also has to introduce Tom to the school. Tom suggests she mind wipes everyone, that makes Lily uncomfortable, so she instead confesses what she believes is the truth in that Tom was trapped in an enchanted object. Dumbledore nearly has a stroke, but since Tom Riddle never became Voldemort, it’s more that this is a solution to an unsolved mystery and the castle is glad Tom isn’t actually dead. They’d thought he got hit by one of those muggle bombs during WWIII or whatever it was the muggles had going on. 

HA HA HA HA, but no, Tom says in response.

In the meantime Tom gets to witness Lily’s weird and strained relationship with her father, his friends, and her younger half-brother. Tom points out that Lily seeking out gainful employment is unnecessary. Lily doesn’t have to be a part of society, like all these worthless people around her, she’s so powerful that she can do whatever she likes however she likes it. She can simply leave the country, she could become a dark lord even, there’s nothing stopping her. Lily’s never thought of it like that before, to become a true part of society, to be accepted on some level by that society, has always just seemed like the obvious path to her. What else would she do?

Due to this, Lily and Tom’s relationship continues to grow as they’re really the first people to see each other as they are. Naturally, this is when shit hits the fan. Thanks to Tom, Lily’s invited to another Slug Club with him (Tom can still become minister even if he was trapped in a book for fifty years! Slughorn says). Lily gets hit on and nearly sexually assaulted by some of the boys there, Lily gets out, but the next day rumor circulates around the school that Lily was in a threesome with them.

Tom Riddle sets up a ridiculous scheme in which he fakes their murder suicide where they confess to being homosexual. Lily is increasingly horrified. The school, once again, is in an ecstasy of joyful grief over the loss of these two, beautiful, oppressed, gay souls. Lily realizes that Tom is A Bad Dude (TM) and tries to confront him. He easily confesses he cares nothing about these people and has decided he wants to watch society burn. These are the people who thought he had died in the Blitz and did nothing. They are people who cannot and will not change. They’re the absentee fathers who dote on far less powerful, pureblood, sons. Tom has officially, completely, given up on the wizarding world and now he will destroy it as quickly and horrifically as he can. Lily, not belonging to society, can pour the kerosene on with him.

This is getting a little too gnarly for Lily and she dumps Tom.

Unfortunately, he quickly becomes exceedingly popular thanks to his angelic face, his natural charm and charisma, and his understanding of people. He passes around a petition for suicide and bullying awareness that everybody and their brother signs. What they’re really signing is pages from the diary which, much like Death Note, promises him both their magic and their life force.

Tom confronts Lily and admits he’s going to murder everybody, an entire generation of wizards and witches gone in an instant, AND LILY CAN BE HIS DARK QUEEN! Lily and Tom get into a fight, Tom accidentally murders the shit out of her and is devestated, only of course for Lily to wake up later after he’s left because she was unwittingly immortal this whole time.

Rising from the dead, Lily hunts Tom down before he can blow up the school, and sucks him back into the diary. Upon graduation Lily makes up with Luna, still has no prospects and plans to go and be homeless in India, has hesitantly gotten in contact with Lily Evans, basically has no contact left with her father, and has a boyfriend diary named Tom who might be let out in fifty years if he promises not to blow up a school. 

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

“Okay.”

"I want a boyfriend."

Dean says it quiet, not looking into Cas's eyes. He feels Cas's arm around him tensing. His head's still on Cas's chest, one hand on his stomach, caressing the skin.

Neither of them has uttered a word since they fell like this on the bed, tangled in each other, just basking in the lazy ecstasy which follows sex. Their chests have stopped heaving, and their hearts have stopped thudding - but they've not moved apart.

They haven't fallen asleep.

Maybe, in some way, they knew this talk was coming. Dean and Cas have been hooking up for months, and pretending it hasn't been happening for longer than that. Dean knows they've both had difficult pasts - Cas had had to run away from his family, and the first girl he fell for had ruined the last of his trust in people. Dean himself has had a tough time coming terms with himself, and dealing with John's voice in his head telling him what he is, isn't natural.

But after long years of struggle, and fight, and therapy, he's no longer that guy. His sexuality doesn't take away his right to want things for himself. He deserves to be happy.

He owes it to himself to let Cas know how he feels about him. Missouri had reaffirmed it too. He owes it to Cas.

But in his defense, Dean hadn't planned on letting it out like this. In bed, at one am, pining and conspirational.

He wonders what Cas will say. He wonders if it was a mistake. He wonders if he should've shoved the principles of dealing - Missouri's book kept talking about - up his ass, along with Cas's dick, so that he forgets all about what's right and what's healthy, and focuses on what's good.

Cas is good.

Dean already regrets ever opening his mouth. It's been too long of a pause. And then, Cas speaks up.

"Okay." It's all he has to say apparently, but when Dean's fingers trace their way up his skin, his chest feels heavy. His heart feels distant.

Still. As long as his arm's still around Dean, and his breath is still in Dean's hair, it's all good. It's so good that Dean doesn't pay attention to the way Cas's breath hitches, when Dean peels himself off of Cas, and settles on the pillow instead, ready to sleep. It's so good, that Dean's smiling up at the ridiculous glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling when he drifts off, and completely misses the haze of tears clouding the blue, when Cas stares at him.

He just goes to sleep, euphoric.

*

Dean wakes up, alone.

He pulls the blanket closer, and it's still so cold. Cas's shirt and trenchcoat are missing from the chair on which he'd discarded them last night. He closes his eyes, and a tear rolls down his face.

*

He can't find Cas anywhere. Dean's looked where he works, and he's looked where he lives - it's like Cas just disappeared.

He could just have said no, Dean cries into a lonely whiskey glass. Why did he have to say okay?

*

A week goes by, which feels like an entire year. Maybe more. But time thuds to a stop, as if to make up for it, when Cas shows up at Dean's office.

He just stands at the door, miserable, his tie so completely wrong, that nothing is right.

Nothing, but Dean getting up with shaky knees, dragging him in by the lapels of his overworn coat, and slamming the door shut before cupping his face with both hands and kissing him for all he's worth.

"Dean -" Cas tries to say, and the bastard would've probably apologized, but Dean doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want anything else, but Cas. Around him, inside him, everywhere.

He pushes Cas against the nearest wall, and pins him there with his hips, and his hands move up Cas's back, angrily grabbing at the shirt. He slams their faces together once again, and in a clash of teeth and tongue, they're kissing again, desperate and breathless, until Cas lets out a moan when Dean's hands wrap tighter around his waist, and Dean freezes.

He pulls back. It feels like sense returning to a madman, and he regards Cas, sullenly.

"No, Dean, please -" Cas begs, hands reaching out, and Dean should've taken a step back when he could, but now Cas is pulling him back with a hand at the back of his neck, fingers in Dean's hair, and Dean goes, of course he goes, whimpering as Cas kisses him again, gasping and frantic.

They don't pull away this time, for almost too long, and Cas is trailing breathy kisses from the bolt of Dean's jaw down to his collarbone, and Dean's back is arched, hands lost in Cas's hair, lips chanting Cas's name like it would kill him to stop - when the first tear falls from Dean's eye, and hands on Cas's cheek.

"Dean?" Cas pauses, eyes utterly wild.

"You still want me." Dean whispers, like it's a secret. Or maybe a lie. Or more definitively, an accusation. Why would Cas still kiss him like that?

"Yes." Cas straightens, and swallows. His expression changes. It's like he's trying to be strong. "I need you, Dean." He swears, almost. "You're you - of course, I want you."

"Then why leave?"

Dean can't get himself to say the whole thing. He can't make it more demanding. If he had to say all of the words, he couldn't have done it.

Cas just shakes his head.

Dean stares at him. What does that mean? A million different things go through his head at once. Cas doesn't want to tell him. He cannot tell him. He doesn't know. He cannot say.

He didn't leave. That one makes the least sense, but it resonates with the air.

Cas looks like he wants to say something. Then he looks like he wants to say something else. And then he looks like he wants to kiss Dean again.

But he did leave. Dean asked him to be his boyfriend, and he agreed - and the next morning, he left.

He fucking left.

After a beat, with a resigned scoff, Dean lets out, sardonic. "I don't think you know how to be a boyfriend." But somehow, he does it at the exact same time Cas says, "Weren't you looking for a boyfriend?"

Dean's the one who reacts first.

"Huh?"

"You wanted a boyfriend." Cas repeats, flatly. He associates such despair with the word, that Dean wants to punch him for it.

"No." He snaps. "I wanted you."

"You what?"

Slowly, his eyes widen.

And then, his jaw drops.

"What the fuck is going on, Cas?" Dean scrubs his face with his hand, and looks down at the floor. "All I know is, you said okay, and then you disappeared."

"I thought," Cas looks horrified. "I didn't think you'd want to see me anymore. Not after we were done! After you told me you wanted a boyfriend, on a night I almost told you I loved you, and instead I said okay, because you told me you wanted -" His voice trails off, eyes blinking rapidly, realization seeping in.

Dean freezes.

"I wanted -" His voice trembles. Maybe he moves closer to Cas. "I thought it was clear what I wanted."

"What did you want?" Cas breathes out, moving closer too. sounding panicked.

"You." Dean breaks down, and Cas immediately wraps his arms around him, holding him up. Before closing the gap between them, Dean adds, for the last time. "I wanted you to be my boyfriend."

The kiss is different from the ones before, but just as passionate as it is soft. It's Cas's turn, apparently, because tears start to fall from his eyes, and Dean swipes the pads of his thumbs over his cheeks, hands cupping Cas's face, and kissing him fully, and thoroughly.

"I love you." Cas confesses into a kiss. "So yes, yes, a thousand times yes."

Dean holds him tighter. "Okay." He lets out, with a shuddering breath, before Cas smiles a little, and puts his head on Dean's shoulder. "Okay."

*

Later, when they're both piled on top of each other on Dean's chair; naked, exhausted, and secretly thankful for being vagina-less so they don't have to worry about just having used a wallet-condom, Dean asks Cas, in the most incredulous tone he could manage. "I can't believe you thought I wanted to date other people."

Cas ducks his head.

"I mean, even if we let go of the fact that I'd just come till I could see the stars, from your dick in my ass - I was literally spooning you, as I said it." Dean huffed a small laugh. "What kind of a jerk would I have to be to break up with my yearlong-hookup when my head was on his chest?"

"A really big one." Cas agrees, sounding guilty. "But I just had to have really low selfesteem, and that part checks out." Dean frowns at him, but they both know it's not something they're going to address at the moment. So, Cas goes on. "And in any case, how could you ever think that my response to you asking me out would just have been okay?"

"I thought you were tired, okay?" Dean defends.

Cas hums.

"Shuddup." Dean grins, leaning in to peck his lips. "And in my defense, okay shouldn't have been your response to a metaphorical being-dumped situation, either."

"Well, I'm sorry." Cas returns, graciously. "I promise to beg you to keep me, the next time it happens."

"There won't be a next time." Dean growls at him, in the mood to be truthful. "You're stuck with me."

"Gladly." Cas mouths, and Dean probably imagines the way his cheeks pink when Dean says it, which is frankly adorable, but before he can lean in to kiss his glittery smile, there's a sound at the other side of the door, and Dean shuffles in his seat abruptly, reaching for his shirt and causing Cas to fall to the floor with an overexaggerated grunt, which sets him laughing.

Apparently, you can't fit two six-foot-tall men on a single officechair.

And that’s okay. 

[theodora3022]

Goddess(Yandere Mirio)

Posting again because weird internet connection last night ate it...

Pairing: (yandere?) Pro hero! Mirio x Villain? F!reader

Summary: You were once a powerful young hero with a wind quirk. After refusing Endeavor’s proposal, you were blacklisted from the hero community. Having no choice, you begun to work as an assassin. Slitting throats without hesitation as long as it is lucrative. That is when you run into Mirio, your former classmate again. You two were not close friends, although mirio is always friendly. He was ordered to take you down, so you expected a fierce fight. What you did not anticipate is how he invited you to come with him.

Notes: Yeah this is a Mirio take on the “Fairy” concept. I recently recieved a request for this, and I just want to say I am so happy you guys love this stupid little concept. Mirio still have his quirk in this fic, and Sir Night Eye is still alive. Reblogs are comments are greatly appreciated!!

You can also see this contains an pathetic attempt to write Endeavor, but I’m not cut out for that LMAO

Warnings: slight nsfw for hcs, abuse of power(not Mirio), stalking, non-con touching, suicide attempt, drugging

They say the loveliest angels make the cruelest demons, and my darling

You were so beautiful

Before they dragged you into hell.

“You’re going to regret this decision.” That was what Endeavor said when you hand him the resignation with a straight face. However, You do not feel any regret whatsoever. You stayed silent as you began to walk out of that damned office, that courrpted agency. Paying no mind the flame man’s burning gaze on your back.

When you first started at Endeavor’s agency, you were excited. As a fresh UA Graduate, it is unusual for a top hero like Endeavor himself to offer you a position as a sidekick. It almost feels too good to be true. Well, turns out it is.

Used to loose clothing, you were shocked when your boss requested you to change your hero costume to a tight bodysuit. Being the good employee you were, you obeyed without questions. Then there are those little things, how Endeavor seems to favor you over his other subordinates, how he finds excuses to keep you near him at all times, most alarmingly, how he looks at your breasts and hips when he thought you did not notice.

You had doubts, but your boss is the No.1 hero! How can he possibly have sexual desires for a little girl like you? So you choose to ignore those red flags and carried on. Until he cornered you against the office door one day, when you came to report a minor robber you took care of earlier.

That is when you realize how you naïve you were. “Fire and winds, they go well together don’t they? I’m sure a child with those two quirks would be a powerful hero.” “Don’t touch me!” You said, almost screaming. He was pressed to a corner of his office by sudden strong currents, banging on the bookshelf that occupies it. Several books fell off, but he did not seem to bother. Even with his strength Endeavor cannot move forward a step. That pissed off look scares you, but you did allow yourself to flinch despite your trembling hands.

“You have no idea how many woman would die for an oppertunity like this.” 

“Then go find them, Sir. Sorry but I will never accept this offer.”

And that is how you ended up as a sellsword, instead of a hero. You work to get paid.

Your friends use to muse about how your impeccable speed would be perfect for an assassin, and that is what you are now. Slithering in the shadows, taking life for gold. Heroes and villains alike commissioned you due to your stealthy quirk and your incredible speed.You would not exactly count yourself as a villain, although the LoV had made offers to you in the past. You walk in that grey area of society, neither good nor bad. After Endeavor blacklisted you, no agency dared to hire you. None of them are willing to evoke his wrath. This is all his plan to make you submit, to accept the position of his compliant trophy wife, his personal baby factory. But you did not give in, even that means rejections and pity from those other heroes.  At last when your saving run out, you took up the LoV’s commission offer. The pay is generous, and you were in need. It is a win-win deal. Ever since you have been taking up jobs from both sides as long as the pay is good.

Your fifteen-year-old UA freshman self would never imagine becoming an assassin, but here you are, shaking hands with Kurogiri as you take the rest of the payment. They wanted you to join them, but you politely declined. You liked Toga and Spinner well enough, but some heroic part of you still cannot stand the idea of becoming a villain.

Regardless of being a mercenary, you still have your principles and morals. Aside from those contracts, you never took a life. You would still give up your seat to pregnant and elderly on the train, still picking up trash in parks. After finishing a job, you would hum little melodies as you pull the hood of your sweater over your blood-stained hair, fly home, maybe getting groceries on the way. You are merciful at what you do, always strike one lethal blow so the target would have minimal pain. Life is not easy, but you are certain this is so much better then being trapped in a manor as a housewife. Occasionally, some sketchy bounty hunter would manage to get to you, although you can always outrun them.

Mirio has a problem. It was...about a mission, concerning you.

What lies on his desk, is a detailed file of you. You in the picture were still a hero back then, smiling at the camera. How can Mirio ever forget that sweet smile?

“If I’m not mistaken, (y/n) is your old schoolmate, correct?” “Yes, Sir.” “She has been lending strength to the League of Villains as a mercenary. That makes her a criminal, even though she takes up jobs from the commission as well. We need to get her back to our side, as her winds are strong, we cannot let the villains have that. Endeavor seem to be particularly enthusiastic about this idea, oddly. I think you should be the one to do it. You can pass through anything, even her winds. Find her, bring her back, use force if possible.”

Mirio always wondered what made you leave hero life, now he got the perfect opportunity to ask you! He has not seen you in forever, this could be a little cute reunion! To be perfectly honest to himself, Mirio had a minor crush on you back w in UA. But as students you both just focused on your studies, and he never confessed.

It took him a while to track down your whearabouts, but for Mirio it was not a hard task, as the Commission has your address of the bar you frequented to take up offers.

It was a cold night, you just finished a job in the rural area of Mustafu, cleansing your daggers in a little stream in the woods when he appeared before you. Damn, how did he approach you without the winds noticing?

To Mirio, how you crouch down by the stream, how your black clothes hugs every curve of your body and especially how you focused on washing the bloodstains off your knives were absolutely stunning. You were like the huntress goddess Artemis from the Greek legends, with how the moonlight gently pooling over your frame. It might sound weird, getting turned on by a girl washing her daggers, but Mirio somehow accepts the fact that his juvenile crush has not gone away. On the contrary, it has become stronger, strong enough to be classified as love or obsession.

Now he knows why Endeavor has been so enthusiastic about the idea of capturing you. Mirio can hardly take his eyes off you himself! You were even more breathtaking in your pitch-black assassin attire compare to your hero costume. As he always loves a good mythology story, seeing you like this awaken something in him. A beautiful goddess, through and through.

You are his goddess! How can you taint your hands with blood while you can be worshipped in the temples? Being a mercenary does not suit you. 

“Togata, what a surprise.” Seeing your old classmate again, you are more concerned then happy. This is a remote location, far away from any population, and he just sneaked up on you without notice. He laughs as he sees how you work up a defensive wind barrier, knowing it has no effect on permeation. Back in your schooldays he has always been a pain to defeat, since Mirio can even pass through air, your usual push away methods fail on him alone. Thankfully, he cannot fly. “Long time no see. Well, what brings you to this part of town?” Putting away your daggers back into your leather pouch, you managed to put up a polite smile even you dreaded his answer. If he is one of those bounty hunters-

“I came to see you, of course! You are so beautiful in these clothes.” Without warning, Mirio stepped close, the wind barrier does nothing to him. If this has been a normal reunion party, his words might just make you flush a bit. But this is a secluded forest.

Before you can think of a counter strategy, two big strong arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you close towards the grinning blonde. You let out a scream as you try to wiggle out of his grasp, but it was futile. As a ranged combatant with high speed, strength was never your forte, neither is close up combat.

Why are you screaming? Don’t you see how he just want you to be treated well? This life is not for you! You deserve a loving family life, and Mirio is determined to provide that.

“Love, please do not scream. I don’t want to use a gag on you.” When you were distracted by his loving nickname, Mirio quickly slid a pair of quirk cancelling handcuffs on you.

“Let me go! Togata why are you doing this?” You are sure he has taken up the role of a bounty hunter. To your surprise, he released you from his clutches. But you were horrified to find your quirk has been restricted by those damned cuffs.

“Did Endeavor send you? I always know he is a piece of garbage, but you? Who can make my quirk useless?” Slowly backing away, trembling, you knew there is no change you can outrun Lemillion without your winds. Guess that is the end of free life. You rather be dead then be in Endeavor’s home. A quick slit can get the job done.

However, Mirio would never allow you to die. Before you can reach for your blades, he snatched the pouch out of your hands. “Endeavor? No, no. I’m not taking you to him. Don’t hurt yourself, angel.”

A wave of relief wash over you, then you hear Mirio’s words: “I’m taking you home, the commission has ordered me to make sure you don’t make any more deals with villains, and I agree. You deserve a peaceful life.”

Those are the last words you hear before blacking out from a strange, sweet scent. “Sorry to do this, my sweet, but you need to calm down and come home with me.”

As he held your unconscious body in his arms, Mirio promised himself that he will treasure you and give you the treatment you deserve. He finally found his goddess, he is not going to let go, never.

Bonus head canons:

You would wake up in Mirio’s fancy apartment, quirk cancelling collar around your neck, with mirio hugging you from behind in bed. His breath tickles your neck in the most terrifying way.

“Love, you’re finally awake! I was worrying about you overdosing.” That big smile, used to be a sign or reassurance during school days, now is a sight worthy for nightmares.

You would start kicking and screaming, wanting to get away from him.

“Togata let me go!” Your squirms are less then useless without your winds, but you have to try.

“It’s Mirio, lovely. Now how about we get you changed? I got you some pretty lingerie~”

You would shake your head and bite him, which...would result in him getting mad.

“I know it’s not right to use drugs, but you got to understand I did this all for you! That life is too dirty for someone like you, you deserved to be cherished. Lucky for you I am here to tend to all your needs.”

“But I- “ “No buts, sweetness. Now how about you get into one of those pretty outfits and show me how grateful you are? I did spare you that awful mercenary life, after all.”

You were not given a choice. Well, at least he cannot be worse then Endeavor, right? You can only gulp and comply, terrified of the alternative.

“My precious goddess...” He pulls you close, buring his nose in your hair. “I’m going to worship you so well that you forget about everything else.”

[magaprima]

Screencap supported scene breakdown analysis (requested by an anon)

Okay, let’s start with the opening shot

We see the whole of the throne here, and the fact Lucifer is clearly sat upon it, which tells us that despite Sabrina ‘claiming her crown’ after winning the Unholy Regalia, Lucifer is still very much in charge. He’s on the throne here and he’s comfortable, but look at how much Lilith is also leaning on it. She’s all over it. Lilith definitely is showing her claim too, not just by her own right, but by the child she carries inside her. They alll dismissed her because she wasn’t a Morningstar, but now she is one by proxy. Also I think this whole positioning is probably how Lilith was often stood by the throne in the pre-CAOS days when she was sitll in adoration and in love with the Dark Lord. She is playing a part here, after all, in order to survive, but what’s interesting is she’s not the one leaning in; he is. Showing that her ‘performance’ is working, that he is slowly, but surely starting to let down his guard, and believing Lilith is ‘back on side’. 

I have to admit I’m surprised at how approving you are of your only daughter getting married

Lilith’s whole language is pushing the domesticity here. She’s talking to him as a Mother(Stepmother might talk to a Father, rather than as a servant to a Lord, making more of that connection.

And look at the body language here, the performance she’s making:

Head down, eyes down as she talks about how he should be more selective, managing to not only make herself look suitably servile, but she looks non-threatening and demure. Fucking demure. Something Lilith definitely isn’t, but she’s playing the role of ‘expectant Mother’ and ‘caring Stepmother’ and ‘concerned partner’. Lilith is doing absolutely everything to appear non-threatening, most likely with the intent of having Lucifer forget himself long enough for her to gain the advantage. I also feel the whole vibe here is, despite Lilith saying that they were definitely ‘not together’, Lucifer has started behaving as if they are. After all she was ‘Satan’s Concubine’, and he’s not going to give up those privileges if he doesn’t want to. And I suspect if that was the case, Lilith has been ‘submitting’ for the sake of survival and the long-con, but it also adds another layer to her downcast eyes and appearing non-threatening. It’s both a reaction and a defence. 

She only meets his gaze to make her final point. And what’s important is she doesn’t shy away from that gaze. 

She meets it and doesn’t waver, she is making her point and she’s not trembling or hesitating. Lilith may be trapped in a situation here, but she’s not without power and she’s aware of that, and she is actively using it. And it’s an interesting/funny side-note that the point she’s making is ‘Caliban is bad for Sabina’. Stepmother!Lilith activate! Which fits in nicely with the Just-doesn’t-like-Caliban!Lilith. And when she meets his gaze, challenging his decision to give his approve, does Lucifer get mad or angry? Does he tell her to remember her place? Does he punish her? Nope. He leans for gossip sharing opinions time:

He leans in to Lilith, talking with her in a very private and intimate way, and starts sharing all his opinions and reasons why he thinks Caliban is a good match. This is someone who he says betrayed him, who he said he plans to kill, and yet, Lilith has managed to make him forget himself and take her as is confidante again. I have no doubt that had the pregnancy not been sped up, Lilith would have spent more months encouraging this trust and faith in her, playing to his ego and presumptions. 

But throughout this whole conversation we see Lilith consciously making an effort to look close, whilst always looking a little on edge, while Lucifer in his element, totally comfortable and absolutely happy to share his thoughts with Lilith. More than likely these moments are brief and we see Lucifer remembering her ‘betrayal’ and treating her as such (just as we saw his possessive anger when he noticed she was absent from the council meeting), but these are flashes of moments where Lilith is making him drop his guard and I would like to think over time they would have become more frequent and Lilith would have used them to her advantage. 

However it’s interesting to note that when Lucifer makes this intense close eye contact, Lilith breaks her gaze away

In fact, she’s shown to be unable to bear looking at him (either out of fear or disgust or a mixture of the two) so much that as he talks, she actually physically turns away

Which when you go through the scene more slowly and with more focus Lucifer does seem to notice, if only subtly. But you can see above that Lilith literally cannot bear to look at him or listen to him. We have confirmation here that her whole leaning in, talking softly, standing close, is an all an act for her own survival and it’s one she physically hates. I would say it has comparisons to Zelda when she has to pretend to be still under the Caligari spell. Knowing it’s required, but hating every minute of it, and feeling trapped in a different way to how you were trapped before, but still trapped. 

While he’s talking we see her eye roll secretly before offering tight and polite smiles, nodding in a display of agreement, pandering to all of Lucifer’s logic and ideas and opinions. Just as Zelda had to be seen to agree with everything Faustus said. We even see Lilith actively sigh with boredom and exhaustion at Lucifer going on and on with himself. And you hear the sigh too. I think this is interesting, not only because it confirms Lilith has not fallen back into old habits with him, she hasn’t become enamoured of him again and that she finds him tiresome...but that, at this point, Lilith feels confident enough in her own position and her own to be able to bored and tired rather than just afraid. And when you see how much she turns to just fear the moment she has Adam, tells me that she definitely did have a pregnancy-long plan to victory in place which was destroyed by the intervention of Caliban and the Plague Kings. 

The thing that drags Lilith’s full attention back is when Lucifer declares the most important reason to agree to the marriage is because Caliban looks great shirtless

Lilith looks quietly and suitably horrified and confused. You can’t see it as much in a singular screencap but she does look at Lucifer like ‘what the fuck?’, because you’re not meant to be getting the hots for the shirtless wonder of your daughter’s future husband. Also, because in a political arena how good someone looks topless should not be the most important reason to have them around. And also, though Lilith admits Caliban is handsome, you get the vibe she means that in the same way you can stay a statue is pretty...you’re not actually sexually attracted to it. So now with both Lucifer and Sabrina liking Clay Boy, Lilith is clearly thinking she’s the only sane one left. 

But the horror is nowhere near as much as it is when he mentions Grandchildren

Aside from the fact Lilith has no intentions of being a Step-Grandmother to any Caliban babies (literal personal hell), there’s also the added fact Sabrina is just sixteen and not even married yet and Lucifer is already mentioning her popping out kids. Considering how Lilith was treated in the beginning by the False God and Adam as expected to fulfil certain roles as a woman (wife, mother, someone who loves children and is nurturing and gentle and blah blah) it’s probably a wee bit triggering to hear the same things being expected of Sabrina. We’ve all (Michelle included, for that matter) already said that Lilith probably sees a lot of herself in Sabrina, a younger version of herself, so extra trigger point. But then the obviously main concern is ‘what the fuck was the point of me getting pregnant with your son to save my fucking life if you’re off already planning fucking grandchildren??’. Which is a fair and concerning point. Like as I said above, Lilith definitely had a pregnancy-long plan for her own continued survival and likely Lucifer’s defeat, and this talk of grandchildren is now throwing a big ole spanner in the works, And you see the flash of fear about this:

Microexpression of fear right there. And you see her quickly recalculating, trying to figure everything out, trying to ensure her own survival, and that of her child for that matter, isn’t going to be too effected by this...but in the end she’s forced to ask him outright. “And what does that mean for our child?” And she does deliberately use ‘our’, reminding him ‘you do have a fucking son to come remember??’

But she doesn’t manage to completely hide her fear and concern as she asks. You can see that in all likelihood her heart is pounding stressfully in her chest right now. Because right now all her plans are threatening to go right down the drain, and she’s thinking that carrying his child is going to do nothing except make her a prisoner all over again...and possibly dead eventually. 

Lucifer, however, just grins and says ‘Competition, I imagine’

Competition. And what does competition mean in these sorts of circles? It’s the same sort of competition that the Princes in Stardust had, they all killed each other in an effort to win the throne. This is going to be the upbring of Lilith’s child; constantly fighting his nieces and nephews for his right to the throne, constantly having threats on his life, constant fights in general...all in the name of ‘competition’, which Lucifer apparently thinks is a good, healthy thing for a fucking child to have. 

And you don’t have to be good at reading microexpressions to know what Lilith thinks about all this

High key horrified. And you also see elements of disgust. Lilith is genuinely horrified at the idea of her son just constantly at risk in the name of ‘competition’ and that Lucifer thinks this is perfectly okay. I think we genuinely see here the first flash of Lilith as Adam’s Mother. She was low key concerned before, but the moment Lucifer says this, her emotions get upped straight to horrified. I mean we saw in later episodes that she was perfectly okay with the idea of her son challenging Lucifer when he was grown, but that’s waiting till he was an adult and challenging one person for the sake of something important. Entirely different from ‘constantly fighting for your life, being attacked, never resting, in order to have some healthy competition’. A word which also implies, Lucifer would just have an attitude of ‘the strongest survive’, regardless of who suffers or who dies. I mean odds are Adam would be more powerful than the hypothetical grandkids considering his parentage, so the fact Lilith is horrified, enough so that she goes to SABRINA’S AUNTS in a effort to stop the wedding, seems to be much more linked to concern for her unborn child than any genuine claims to power. And I think foreshadows the rest of her part 4 narrative and just how far she’ll go for Baby Adam. 

And look, you can genuinely see her recalculating her plans and what she needs to do next. 

Like yep yep competition cool cool cool cool totes agree that’s great....must get to the Aunts. 

[longitud-de-onda]

piece of your heart, pt. 2

pairing; javier peña x female reader summary; the morning after finding out what javier says, you go into work. rating; t warnings; talk of being drunk and bad decisions regarding sexual relations with others, brief mention of eating disorders and alcoholism word count; 2.4k

part one

You enter the embassy and head straight to your desk. You know there’s a conversation waiting to happen, but you don’t want to do it this early. One short night of sleep hasn’t been enough to process everything; you could barely work through the words Javier had said, let alone how he had asked you to dance.

How he had groped you on the dance floor. 

How you had liked it.

Javier’s office is along the way to your desk and you make a point to look straight ahead, hoping he won’t notice you.

“Y/N,” calls a voice, absent of all energy. You turn, caught.

You backtrack your steps and stop at the door to Javier’s office. His sunglasses are on and his head is propped up by his arm on the desk.

“Hey, Javi,” you say. You lean against the doorframe, keeping part of your body hidden.

The memory of him puking all over the sidewalk the night before is enough of an explanation for his appearance today. He must be incredibly hungover. You know you would be. It’d been a long time since you’d been that drunk.

“I wanted to say thank you,” he says. “For last night.”

“It’s no big deal, you would have done the same,” you say. That much you know to be true. Javier might not give a shit about anyone’s emotions, but he sure as hell cares about the welfare of everyone he knew. He would probably even risk his pride to show up sheepishly at the hospital for Stechner if things got bad enough.

“You’ve been distant lately,” he says. He pulls off his sunglasses and winced at the light before continuing. “I honestly wouldn’t have expected you to help.”

Ouch.

You had been avoiding him, that was true. But only because it had gotten to the point where being with him hurt. Especially when he would throw every secretary in the embassy the wicked grin that would send them home thinking about him. You had been distant because you cared too much. Not because you had stopped caring.

You lower your voice and look down at your feet, almost too embarrassed now to say anything. “I still care about you, Javi. You were—it was bad. You needed help.”

Your heart is pounding. You need to bring up what he had said. Let him know you knew. He hadn’t brought it up yet and that worries you. 

Maybe he doesn’t want you to know what he said. 

“Well, regardless, I don’t remember anything between my second shot of tequila and vomiting outside, but your kindness saved me. I felt like shit... still do.”

He doesn’t remember? Anything?

“I’m sorry you had to deal with me,” he continues, speaking slowly. It looks like every word made his head hurt a bit more. “I know I’m talkative when drunk, say things I don’t mean. I hope I didn’t say anything embarrassing.”

“I, um.” Shit. He didn’t just not remember. He didn’t mean a word. You blinked back some tears and stared straight at the teal wall behind him. “No idea what you said. It was all Spanish. All night long.”

“Oh.” Javier looks back down at his desk.

This hurts more than it should. You had been so happy last night, knowing that he had felt the same way about you. You let yourself believe, if only for a few moments, that you had a chance.

You can’t keep talking to him. Not today.

“See you around, Peña,” you say, turning to leave.

You get about fifteen steps away when he calls you back again.

“Wait, Y/N!”

You go back to the door.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.

“Javi, I—no,” you exhale. This is too much. You should have known the second you read those words in the dictionary that it was all too good to be true. And Javier isn’t to blame, you are. You knew he was drunk. He didn’t have any control of his mouth, and you still believed it.

Your mind wanders back to his hands. Those hands that moved around your back, that grabbed your ass, that palmed your breast. Did he mean those too? Or was that really just him reverting to who he was when drunk. The Javier you knew would set his eyes on some young thing and take her home. Were you supposed to be that girl?

“So why are you acting so distant all of a sudden?” Javier asks. Something darker crosses over his eyes. “Did I—did I do something last night?”

You squeeze your eyes shut for a second, clearing the tears. You can feel the ghost of his hand on your chest and you want to tell him.

“Like you said,” you say instead, “you didn’t mean anything.”

It pains you to say it. And Javier sees right through you.

“Did I hurt you?” he breathes. His eyes are wide and you know his mind was racing with all sorts of possibilities.

You don’t want to think about the fact that he’s worried for a good reason. Worried because he knows that when he doesn’t have control, there’s a real possibility he would hurt someone. And you know he wouldn’t. Not with you. Not intentionally.

“No.” You shake your head. “Nothing like that. You—Javi, it was stupid and not really important. And it’s probably better to have this conversation when you’re not hungover.”

You turn to leave again. This conversation has taken more of a toll on you than should be allowed before work. You don’t know how you’re going to focus. Your mind is swimming and all you can see is the blurry blue of Javier’s office’s walls.

“Y/N, please tell me,” he says, his voice wavering.

You know he wouldn’t be pleading with you if he didn’t care. If he didn’t mean things, at least he wants to ensure he hadn’t hurt you. You can tell he is scared. Scared he had done something.

You imagine being him, no memory of the night before, the only one who seemingly is able to explain withdrawing on him.

“Please don’t disappear on me,” he says.

You feel the tug at your heart and you turn back, stepping inside his office this time and closing the door.

What can you say? How can you explain everything he did? Everything you felt?

“We, um, you—you asked me to dance,” you say.

Javier looks surprised. “So?”

“And we did,” you say. “And you were a bit, I don’t know? You?”

You regret those words as soon as you see the look on his face. You hadn’t seen him looking so scared, so guilty, in all the years you’d known him.

He reaches up and runs his fingers through his hair, exhaling.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.”

It’s so much worse than you could have imagined because Javier’s thinking about how he is when he dances when drunk. And you’ve seen it before.

You’ve watched from the sidelines, tears hot in the corners of your eyes as you sipped a drink. He’d done it many times before, pulling some girl into his arms as he would grind up against her and her tiny frame. He’d have her half undressed in his arms as he practically had sex with her on the dance floor, only to invite her home to finish it off.

He did it for the same reason you all had a vice. Steve had his violent outbursts. You knew another guy in the DEA who would never admit it, but smoked marijuana. There was a CIA agent who spent his weekends out in the jungle, shooting at almost any living thing. You spent all your spare money on stupid trinkets and makeup and little things you’d never use during long trips to malls and markets. Some people ate their feelings. Some people didn’t eat at all. Some people drank. Many more smoked. A lot. It’s all so you can forget the things you’re forced to do.

Down here in Colombia, there are no good guys. That much you learned in the first few weeks. You have to either find a way to forgive yourself or numb yourself enough so you don’t feel the guilt.

Javier’s way of doing that just has the side effect of making you feel like your heart is ripped in half every night.

And he’s sitting at his desk, looking horrified as his mind races with the thoughts of what you could have meant. You wish you could snatch the words out of the air just so he doesn’t look as conflicted as he does now.

“No, no, no,” you backtrack. “That, the dancing, it was fine. It was...good. You were just—do you really not remember any of it?”

You want him to remember what he said. Even if he didn’t mean it. It would make this easier. You wouldn’t be stuck reliving his hips rolling up against yours in the warm night, his deep voice growling words you didn’t know into your ear.

“No, Y/N,” he says. “It’s all blurry.”

You wish it was all blurry for you. The details of the night are surprisingly sharp for having happened while tipsy. You remember the hot skin on his neck, beads of sweat dripping as you swayed amongst the crowd. The warm glow of the lights casting soft shadows across his face. His hands on your hips, pulling you in again and again.

The words passing through his lips: ‘te quiero.’

“You... you.” You’re looking up at Javier and your vision is faded. Hot tear trails line your cheeks as you realize how much this conversation has ruined you.

How do you tell someone that they said they loved you? How do you tell someone that they’re breaking your heart?

In a cruel way, it almost makes sense. Of course, you wouldn’t get a happy ending from this. You don’t deserve one. None of you do. You all do horrible things. They might be permissible to the government, but anyone with morals knows you walk along the fine line that separates the law enforcers from the breakers. It’s a life that doesn’t get to end smiling alongside a significant other.

“Fuck, Y/N, please, you’re scaring me,” Javier says, standing up from his desk. “What did I do?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? What did he do? What didn’t he do? 

What didn’t he feel?

You know you’re about to let the tears break over. Break down into sobs in front of Javier. And you know it’s not because of him. You’re at your limit. There’s a point at which someone cannot take more suppression of their own feelings. And you have just hit it.

There are two options in which you boil over, and number one, curling into a sobbing mess, isn’t the most dignified one. Number two is not much better but there’s nothing else.

You take a deep breath.

“Javi, I’ve liked you for a long damn time, and last night, you were—you were dancing and talking and you said some things, said that you liked me,” you admit. It is out now. You look down to avoid seeing Javier’s immediate reaction. You don’t want to see rejection so soon. “And I was—stupidly—happy. And I know obviously I shouldn’t, because that’s rule number one here, and I know you didn’t mean it, so forgive me if I can’t really handle this right now, I don’t want you to fuck with my emotions any more so I’d really like to forget it all.”

In the end, choosing option two isn’t keeping you from option one, as it takes every bit of energy left to remain standing as your face heats with the tears and you sniffle through your last sentence.

You glance up at Javier, finally getting a look at his reaction. His face is almost blank, except his lower lip, tucked between his teeth, and his brows which are ever so slightly furrowed. He doesn’t say a word.

You know what this means. You wipe your eyes with the sleeves of your shirt. It must look terrible, but you’re past the point of caring.

“I’m gonna leave,” you say, trying to keep your voice stable. “Maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a while. I need to forget you.”

Your heart feels like it’s being crushed and you know it’s your own fault. You’ve really dug yourself into a hole over the years.

“Wait!” Javier runs around his desk, grabbing your arm to stop you from opening the door. He swings you around to face him.

You’re breathing heavily, and are aware of the deep rise and fall of your chest, inches from where Javier stands. You look into his eyes and there’s a softness that you know Javier doesn’t usually hold.

“I don’t remember what I said,” he starts, “But if I said that? I meant it.”

Fuck. Okay.

“And I don’t remember what happened last night, but I hope I didn’t do anything to push you away,” he says.

Trust Javier to put your emotions on a plane ride through a lighting storm. You want to kiss him, hug him, something. But you’re stuck in the shock of it all.

“You weren’t supposed to ever know,” he says. “It’s not supposed to happen. You know that. I thought if you knew, I’d lose you. I wouldn’t ever get to see you in the capacity I’ve been lucky enough to get to.”

He’s right. None of this is allowed. But despite that, it’s happening.

You focus on his hand, holding your arm. You want to pull him in. But you can’t. Not with all the windows in this office. The whole embassy can’t know. And they don’t deserve to.

“You didn’t push me away,” you say, “I wouldn’t ever want to lose you either.”

“You said I was only speaking Spanish?” he asks.

“Um, yeah,” you smile, breaking eye contact to stare at the ground. “I remembered a few things. Looked them up when I got home.”

“What did I say?”

“Well, I only got a few of the many sentences,” you say. “I thought you were saying something suggestive the whole time. You were grinding up against me.”

You glanced up at Javier, whose cheeks were turning a bit red. You were lucky the room was soundproof. You both knew you couldn’t move any closer. This was your alternative.

“You kept talking into my ear, and your hands were running down my back. You said you wanted to be alone with me. That you wanted to kiss me.”

You stared into Javier, saw the shadow of arousal in his eyes, and grinned.

“Then when I thought it couldn’t get any better, you pulled me in close and said ‘Te quiero.’”

taglist; @pascalisthepunkest @turquiosenights @el-lizzie @spookyold-saintjm​ @fleurdemiel145 @murdermewithbooks @winters-buck 

[vantablade]

【 🌌 MYTHOPOEIA I. 】

TL;DR: Nocturne’s species is the same as her family name, which is one of royalty amongst her home planet. This species possesses two bodies, feeds on creative/life energy (mostly through sex and bodily consumption), manipulates sonokinesis and aquakinesis with ease. They are alluring and terrifying, always unsettling, and their native country depends on their existence. 

The following lore post is a re-write of Nocturne’s lore regarding her species and some of her heritage. It references sex albeit not explicitly nor descriptively, as well as the conception and deaths of the species. There are non-descriptive references to cannibalism (of a supernatural kind). Information-wise, it includes the etymology of the family name, the chronology of their origins with vague references to the circumstances of said origins, some references to significant events and brief descriptors of Nocturne’s kinsmen. As I mentioned, it also includes a description of how the Ametsuchi are formed through conception and their life spans, as well as the usual circumstances of their death, and other biological tid-bits such as abilities, particularly their Glamours, and the cultural ideology that surrounds the species in their native land of Izana, Neo. Word count is girthy, so if you read the whole thing an acknowledging like would be very encouraging! 

Ametsuchi, Nocturne’s family name, is both the moniker attributed to a royal family and a species; within their general cultural environs, the two are synonymous, for only members of the former can be the latter, due to a magical contract made with the Living Sea of Neo during the Sixth Epoch, after the Genesis Migration. The etymology of “Ametsuchi” is comprised of the characters suggesting, literally, “rain” and “earth”, however its meaning can be more symbolically interpreted as “Heaven and Earth” or, in some cases, “the Universe”, illustrating the duality of the Ametsuchi’s existence.

The Ametsuchi are not mortal by our understanding—the canonical term referring to any non-mortal being “Undane”—for their life spans and way of creation are jarringly different from that of a mortal life. An Ametsuchi can live, theoretically, forever, however rarely do they achieve such longevity due to the fact their appetite grows with age, forcing them to consume more and more to sustain their gigantic forms, not unlike the Earthly lobsters or the Terrawatas of the planet Cthylle, which has a similar aging approach. As well as the biological difficulties of maintaining the massive form that comes with old age, the Ametsuchis—particularly those who reign as or are immediately in line to reign as the High King—often are killed pre-maturely by assassinations or other politicalized deaths. Notable examples are Kamo, the High King two generations prior in the Fifth Epoch, to the current regent, and Nocturne’s great-grandmother, whose surprising gentleness became an instrument of irony as her tender heart led to her death by a rebel group within Izana. Another notable example is the Ametsuchi Massacre just prior to the turn of the Sixth Epoch, whereupon the survivor of the previous assassination—High King Kana the Unloved—was murdered by her third heir, the current monarch High King Kazumi the Good, alongside almost all of the living Ametsuchi.

Due to the severity of the upheaval, there is a remarkable shortage of Ametsuchi, as once they were a plentiful people who could reign as Lords among the various cities and villages of Izana as well as forming the sole security of the capital. Now, where once there were many, there remains only the High King; her Oracle Hitomi; her exiled heir High Prince Kimiko, currently absent and whereabouts unknown; Nocturne, whose existence is currently unknown to the Neoni populace; a lost heir sacrificed to Spider’s Eye shortly after her birth; the twins, Lords Hato and Karasu, children of the previous High Prince and nieces to the current High King, and Lord Komadori, who perished a few years prior to this blog’s currently timeline. Unusually, there is one other Ametsuchi, though she is the singular occurrence of a royal member—and the currently coronated High Prince, heir to the Ever-Drowning Throne—who is not also, biologically, an Ametsuchi, due to the unusual (and secretive) circumstances of her birth.

The conceptions and births of Ametsuchi are crucial to the biological formation of an Ametsuchi, as one does not inherit these traits innately from their parentage. Conception relies on the existence of three parents: the donor, the Ametsuchi, and the Living Sea. It is avian in nature, as it involves an external egg which is incubated by one of the parents, in this case the aforementioned Living Sea. The moment of conception is achieved when a donor, usually a Mundane but can be some form of magical entity, is “sacrificed” to the Living Sea and implanted with a part of the parental Ametsuchi’s mana. This mana is parasitic, rendering the donor comatose and paralysed but not dead, as it slowly consumes the life energy of the donor in order to transform it into something else. This transformation then becomes an egg, around six foot in height and three feet in width, comprised of a fleshy physical magic toxic to the touch. It is not dissimilar from the sort of alien eggs found in science fiction horror movies, as it is not clean nor smooth but rather a dark blue-brown flesh-like consistency that is ribbed and wet with slime. Encountering one is both highly unlikely—as they are incubated within the incredibly hostile and carnivorous Living Sea—but also deeply unwanted, as its appearance, while gross in description, cannot be over-stated for its deeply unsettling magnetism and its horrid stench of salt and decaying flesh, with the raw smell not incomparable to the exposed innards of a recent carcass. Approaching one, if it is somehow isolated from its environment, is also a fool’s errand: its “shell” emits potent magnetism; an allure that cannot be resisted by any but those with an impenetrable resistance to such a siren’s call. This allure, apropos to the previous metaphor, proves fatal to the innocent who falls under its enchantment, for the flesh is carnivorous and deeply starved, and will absorb the unlucky soul who touches it—and they will touch it, for despite its repulsiveness, its magic will convince the onlooker that it is a most desirable, peaceful and treasured object that speaks to their very soul.

This egg, its terribleness aside, incubates within the abyssal stomach of the Living Sea, an entity whose body is—as one can imagine—a great, black sea, possessing a wicked sentience and an odd morality that is difficult to comprehend. The Living Sea then “fertilizes” its innards, transforming the remains in a gruelling process into that of a living being, independent of the instruments that contributed to its making, which, stripped of the Ametsuchi glamour, appears to be a monstrous bird-like mortal-like creature that has only the simplest, animalistic of urges, the primary of which is the urge—the primal need—to survive, and as such has a fitting and horrifying hunger.

Until the new-born Ametsuchi is conscious enough to understand Glamours, it will remain in this bird-like form, which is protected from the eyes of mortals and Undanes alike who are not privy to the sacred and grotesque rituals of the royal family, until it can adopt a form which suits it. The form usually mimics the primary care-giver, likely the Ametsuchi which served to create it, at least in part, as well as harbouring some sort of semblance to the donor which served as its first meal and its energy donation. This is still of its own accord, of course, but as this is an instinctual first guise, it is often rooted in the subconscious will rather than the conscious ego, and once it has been adopted is unlikely to be utterly changed if only due to the Ametsuchi in question’s comfort in its regular form. As well as that, changing one’s body exerts a tremendous amount of will and energy and can be quite an exhausting process that bodes little to no reward. However, as the Ametsuchi grows into adolescence and adulthood, the latter of which is usually kept for far longer than the average mortal, due to the societal boons afforded to those with an unearthly youthful maturity, they will grow and adapt, often adapting to the societal standard of beauty to better attract unwavering loyalty and inspire a sacrificial martyrdom in its subjects. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and this is a law that is engraved into the nature of the Ametsuchi: it is in their survival’s best interest to be seen as attractive, whether it be sexually or as a matter of character, and as such their appearance often fits the ideal of their surroundings consciously or otherwise. Of course, attractiveness is not always the key to survival; they possess an underlying aura of terror that unsettles as it lures, inspiring awe in its observer. In hostile environs, the Ametsuchi will adapt appropriately: becoming larger, more intimidating, more monstrous in appearance to better be suited for intimidation tactics.

As mentioned before, there is the matter of Glamours: these are half-conscious manifestations of a mortal body that conceals the magnificence of their original form, which is grotesque and avian in nature, and only grows with age until it is utterly titanic, thus the growth of its demanding hunger which becomes difficult to sate with the marching of time. As a half-conscious act, they can withstand most forms of unconsciousness depending on the strength of the Ametsuchi in question; one who has mastered, in some part, their own mind and harbours a deep understanding of their capabilities will find it easier to uphold the illusion, while those weaker in spirit will find it harder to maintain in various debilitating circumstances. For example, Nocturne withstood grievous wounds that penetrated the Glamour and mutilated the original would beyond reparation, which still only sufficed to put her in a near-comatose state where her consciousness was altered and foggy. Yet still, she maintained her Glamour. She had been raised in total isolation, with only the study of her strength and identity as an Ametsuchi as an anchor for her learning, and so had a better grasp on her anatomical manipulation than her peers. There was still a dire element—she was on the verge of total unconsciousness, and since she had no moral nor emotional obligation to those surrounding her at the time (rather, she was untrusting and borderline hostile towards her hosts), she had no subconscious desire to protect them from the immensity of her true body, despite the fact that had her illusion broke, her original form would have decimated her physical environment and thus damaged, if not killed, the people who surrounded her, including potentially breaking the magical ward that kept the locus—the Sepulchre—protected from evil eyes.

However, Nocturne in particularly struggles to maintain her Glamour if she is in a state of deep sleep. For this reason, she keeps to herself and refuses to allow others near her in such a state of tremulous vulnerability, if not entirely subduing herself to the vacuous space she titles her personal “Void”, a unique ability to her due to her emotional reliance on it since her severely traumatic youth.

The Glamour is not the Ametsuchi’s sole power, however it is exceedingly impressive: to speak in technical terms, of a sort, it “compresses” the pre-existing body so that it is appropriately condensed into the glamoured guise, including its impact on the environment and its navigating of the physical space. There is still a subtle feeling of “wrongness” when one looks directly at an Ametsuchi, but it is difficult to source the reason behind these feelings; the cultural mythos surrounding the original body is more that it is a secondary body, and the glamour is the original body, instead choosing to believe that the original body is a sort of “power-up” that can be utilized for the goals of decimation of one’s enemies. These myths are not negated in any real way, if only because it furthers their reputation for being dangerous enemies. It is believed by Ametsuchis’ personal lore that their Glamour comes in part from their lycanthropic ancestors.

Of their other abilities, several come to mind. Sonokinesis, the ability to manipulate sound, is innate to the Ametsuchi due to their siren heritage, and is capable of manipulating not only the physical world but the emotional world, either, as they tie in certain sonic movements with emotional results. Often, their powers are difficult to channel completely without some sort of vessel to articulate it to a level of fatality—or extreme potency—so they often have vessels that embody an instrument of their liking, usually a subconscious choice that is rarely changed not unlike their bodies in youth, which channels the sonokinetic ability through it. For example, Nocturne’s is a violin; Hitomi’s is a harp; Kimiko’s is a flute, and so on. Exceptional Ametsuchi do master the power of their own voice, such as Kazumi the Good, who orchestrates grand musical annihilations with only the slightest modulations to her voice. This is an ancient power, first attributed to the Divine of Music, Sona, the child of the Ancients Sirein and Iathan. Their sonokinesis is Generative, which means they can generate this ability from internal power-sources rather than having to manipulate the external environment’s pre-existing sound.

Aquakinesis, the ability to manipulate water, is an even more ancient power, being one of the Primordial Essences which form the foundation, alongside Fire, Earth, Air, Light and Shadow, of the (Essential) Universe. These are another gift attributed to them, however this gift comes directly from their relationship to the Living Sea, which serves as a patron to the species. Due to this generosity, their aquakinesis is not as powerful as their sonokinesis—it is instead Interactive, relying on external resources rather than internal resources. A notable exception would be the Oracle, Hitomi, whose Generative Aquakinesis only derives from the Chaotic implants placed in her body by her mother, the High King. (Of these experiments, each of the currently living Ametsuchi are victims, and have differing reactions; Kimiko has Chaotic Generative Aerokinesis, Hato has Chaotic Generative Phosphorokinesis, and so on and so forth. Nocturne’s ability to manipulate entropic forces and Chaos also stem from these, in part.)

They possess a higher level of strength, which does not rely on their Glamoured body but rather the size and capability of their true body, which can give them the appearance of possessing super-human strength for their stature. They are graceful, beautiful, and disarmingly so, which is a mental tactic that serves them well in combative and political situations equally well.

The Ametsuchi, due to their wavering numbers, are restricted to the capital of Izana, Yomi; known by some as the Cannibal City, others as the Half-Drowned City, and these are only the beginning of its ghoulish monikers. Their home is the Drowning Palace, a white shard that protrudes from the black abyss of the Living Sea like a jagged tooth, which hosts only their own kind, donors (temporarily), and the rare, honoured guest. Their existence is attached to the welfare of the surrounding country, whose lands are made fertile by the Living Sea, as once it had been barren. Only the historical sacrifice of a mortal woman, who would become the first Ametsuchi, cinched a union between the untouchable Living Sea and the Undanes who lived there. If the Ametsuchi were ever to perish, so would the landscape that hosts them.

As part of their symbiotic relationship with the Living Sea, Ametsuchi are removed from the life-death cycle naturally afforded to all living and unliving entities within the Essential Universe; their souls, rather than being re-shaped and re-distributed across the wide Cosmos, are instead given directly to the Living Sea for all eternity, preserving them in a state of half-life that, with the passing of time, becomes increasingly abstract. The dead are capable of being communicated with, but only the Oracle can do so; likewise, the Oracle, second only to the High King in the tiers of Ametsuchi noblesse, is the sole figure capable of communicating directly with the Living Sea. There is only one Oracle at any point, and as soon as one dies, the next is chosen from the ranks; usually the closest to being born, but the Living Sea can often be whimsical, and if their whims direct them so they may choose another. It is not unheard of for Ametsuchi rulers to deliberately manipulate circumstances to encourage an Oracle to be created in devotion to them; for example, Hitomi’s existence depended on the murder of the prior Oracle, Yumi, and was a deliberate move by the High King in order to assure total allegiance as the Oracle would be her eldest daughter, entirely subordinate and alienated from a world that would encourage her otherwise.

Culturally, they are revered and feared alike. This reverence assures their survival, as willing donors are plentiful; it is considered the greatest honour for those of Izana to devote their bodies to the conceptions of an Ametsuchi, despite the fact it guarantees their death. If not their bodies to conceive, then to satisfy: the Ametsuchis feed on creative energy, which includes the creation of life through fresh (often living) meat and sexual energy. There is an element of life or creative energy in everything, but in the aforementioned examples they are most prominent and thus most fulfilling. This is not to say there has never been a desire for revolt, but the Ametsuchi’s symbiotic relationship with the landscape often demotivates those with rage against their rulers. Instead, the rage is channelled into the cities, into the architecture, into the culture.

The history of the Ametsuchi are deep, rich and blood-soaked, as they like it. They are founded on a principal of sacrifice. They are objects of reverence and repulsion, inspiring legions of the devout. Nocturne is but a tiny part of a grander legacy, but not all legacies are born to last.