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#and i didn't want to risk not completing it
nectardaddy · 3 days
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late nights - inumaki toge
Your head rested calmly on the young man's shoulder as your heavy lidded eyes fought against the sleep that so eagerly wanted to take you. Your legs on either side of him as he sat in a chair at his desk, comfortably straddling him as he sat with his attention pulled elsewhere. You felt the muscles in his arm move and flex under your cheek, a sensation you never knew would be comforting until you started dating the cursed speech user.
His pale face, completely uncovered, reflected the vibrant colors of the screen he gave his attention to. The sound of the game he played turned off completely as he'd rather listen to the soft music he played instead. You did this often with the young man, cuddling into him as he whisked himself away into a game or two. Arms wrapped around the man's torso, you held tighter as you took a deep breath, finding peace. A small kiss was placed on your head, and your ears pricked at the sound of a controller being gently placed on his desk.
"Hey," he murmured to pull your attention towards him. Blinking hard to fight your tiredness, you lifted your head with a yawn to look up at him. "Tired?" His question a bit exaggerated, but he articulated thoughtfully in regard to his speech. If not posed as a very obvious question, he feared he might knock you out completely. He knew the risk in speaking to you, but found it near impossible to restrain himself. He needed to. With every fiber in his soul he craved to speak to you.
A silent nod was all that Toge needed from you, hesitantly getting up with you in his arms and putting you to bed. He found it endearing the way your hands clutched onto him once he rose, fingers grabbing at his shirt is a lethargic manner. His lips parted only to promptly close them, hovering over his words in his mind before wishing to speak. He couldn't utter such words he wanted aloud.
The mattress squeaked from the weight shift as he gently set you down, and he accompanied by sitting next to you. 'Get some sleep,' he signed, pale hands moving slower than usual as he knew you were groggy. He could feel his heart melt at the sleepy smile you gave him, finding himself so infatuated with you all over again. 'I'm not tired yet, so I'll join you later.'
Hearing you huff at his signed words, he felt your cool hand touch his wrist. Fingers wrapping around the skin before ultimately grabbing at him, pulling him towards you with a tired, silly smile. "Too bad," you murmured. Successfully pulling him down towards you, you watched him roll his eyes but give in quickly regardless. "You're joining me now," you added, wrapping your arms around the man so he couldn't return to his desk.
'Whatever you say,' he signed with a faux sigh. 'I need to learn to say no to you, you've gotten spoiled,' rolling his eyes as he heard you chuckle.
"Don't act like you don't love this," you spoke softly with a yawn. "You practically throw a fit when you can't touch me," your tone teasing as the words left your lips. "Such a hypocrite," you added.
A chuckle passed his lips, the embedded marks that etched the corners of his mouth crinkling as he smiled. He shifted himself in bed as to lean closer to you, but kept his hands free if he wished to speak. A habit you had grown accustomed to, as the man didn't hold you until you were already asleep in case he wished to talk to you. 'Go to sleep already, silly.' Placing a small peck to your forehead before pulling you closer, 'if you don't, I'll tell you to.'
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milqueandsugar · 2 days
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🌼☕` Green With Envy `☕🌼
Gen / hurt-comfort if your like ten feet away and squinting, Fluff
Includes / Charlie , Alastor , Adam
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| CHARLIE |
Charlie is never really jealous, alright, she has complete trust in you
That being said, it definitely happens!
Charlie is really, really emotionally intelligent and picks up on subtleties alot of others don't, she may be naive and trusting but she's not stupid and her vibe check has yet to be off
Ignore alastor that was a calculated risk
So when the two of you decide to take a break from promoting the hotel to share some greasy, cheesy food at a pub
Most food places were groceries, cannibalistic or bar and grills, so it wasn't uncommon for the two of you to go out for food and have a few drinks while you were there
She had just returned from the bathroom when she spotted the sinner chatting you up at the bar counter
Something about the sight, maybe the lighting, maybe how close the stools were- therefore how close you were, or something about how you played with the straw of your drink absent-mindedly set her off
She's not- proud of what she did per se
She slides in next to you, interlocking her fingers with your hand resting on the counter top, squeezing it affirmingly
"Hey hon, whose this?" Tone too cheery, smile a little to calculated
It's then she saw the hotel flyer in the sinners hands, aw, whoops
"Oh this is-"
"Travis."
They extended their hand too shake and still a little embarrassed about her initial take she took his hand, fumbling slightly before he squeezed her hand a little too hard
Oh
She wasn't the only one jealous here
She was VERY quick to get you two out of there, some emergency at the hotel or with nifty, or something, she doesn't like feeling like this and she doesn't like being in a situation that might make you uncomfortable, and to be very, very honest she did NOT want that demon anywhere near you
| ALASTOR |
He's a very confident man, he knows you love him, he knows that you know he'd do anything for you, he's comfortable with you
That being said when he finds the letter inviting you to an interview on 666 NEWS by Vox he felt all the jealousy he mocked others for having rise in his throat like bile
"It's some sort of trap, I don't want you going."
He sets the letter down in front of you, let's you read it, digest it before shrugging
"I don't know why'd they want to interview me anyways, I don't even think Angel has an interview with him."
"Oh I can think of a few reasons. "
He runs his fingers along your jaw, tilting your head up to look at him
"Maybe I should go then."
"What."
He didn't have time to register your teasing tone before your giggling at his expense
"If the people love me as much as you do maybe I should go on."
"Oh no one could possibly do that, no one who wants to live anyways."
Now it's his turn to tease, and he takes the letter from you, tearing it up
"Though since you seem so keen on fame why don't you join me on my radio show?"
| ADAM |
Jealous all the time
Doesn't bring it up because he wants you to believe he's confident but bro he's dying inside
The only time he ever, ever directly told you he was jealous or uncomfortable was in his early days in his band, back when he was newbie to the group and was working to gain his name in the industry
It was just after the show and the lot of you were hanging back stage, signing shirts and breasts and having a few drinks
You were talking about something inconsequential when a fan came up and started talking to him, you took your cue and peeled off to get a beer for the both of you
That fan came and went, and another, and another and he thought first you stopped to use the restroom, i mean hell he kinda needed to piss too
When he caught a break between fans he headed to the restrooms, now worried you didn't have toilet paper or accidentally locked yourself in (not speaking from personal experience at all, he doesn't want to talk about it)
Instead he found you backed up by some sound tech guy
"I uh- I should really get going, my boyfriend, uh is my ride and I gotta get home-"
"Why going so soon? I saw you behind stage waiting for him, I gotta say cutie, your worth far more than that ass."
"Haha, yeah, he's definitely an ass but he's my ass, yknow?"
Something about your nervous laughter burned that jealousy straight to anger
"Yeah, speaking off assholes."
He practically tossed the guy off of you
"Take a hint."
He was angry for the rest of the day, not at you, not ever at you, but damn, he needed to blow some steam off, mostly by angry ranting to you in your apartment
"What was that guy's fucking problem!?"
"That guys NEVER going to be on set again, fuck what if it was someone else who didn't have someone looking out for them yeah?"
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space-blue · 15 hours
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Feyd thoughts from Fenring scene
I was sharing thoughts to a friend while rewatching the Feyd and Fenring scene and figured I'd share it here too, it's my blog innit.
He's walking on his own in a completely empty corridor. Upon being followed he ambushes and pulls a knife, meaning he immediately assumes he's in danger. Calm and collected attitude at this prospect, clearly not his first time.
But he also doesn't toy with her, doesn't threaten her beyond asking about her presence, he's not showing any sadistic traits.
He openly asks if they've met because he recognises her, isn't being coy.
Instead of being violent, he tells her the rules: 'You're not allowed in this section', meaning at least he knows not to be openly hostile to guests.
He's suspicious she got past the guards. He asks about that in a higher pitch, but extremely bland face. He doesn't sound upset or happy or angry. More like low key worried.
From there Margot uses the voice.
She reveals he's shunning his own celebrations, AND he refuses to say why despite being asked with suggestive voice.
He immediately recognises the use of the voice on him and calls her a Bene Gesserit. How? He doesn't answer when she asks what makes him say that. We have to keep in mind that his mother (who he killed) was BG, and since we don't know when she died, it's possible he received some training from her.
He instead says he dreamt about Margot, harkening back to Chani dreams from Paul. Meaning we can safely assume he's just as plagued with semi-visions as Paul was in Dune 1 before going to Arrakis, and we can safely assume that's not common knowledge.
Immediately goes 'Don't mock me woman' when she teases him. BUT crucially, she says "a pleasant dream I hope?" which is not mockery but closer to flirting? It's like he genuinely takes that as a literal tease, when the actual teasing is when she says "I wouldn't dare!" which he doesn't comment on, maybe because he's used to many forms of grovelling.
He also reacts as if the voice is a physical pressure, like when you come down on a plane and your ears get blocked, and tries to shake it off:
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Again with 'I know your BG tricks'
Margot asks, again, and gets no reply, again. She even says "tell me" in a normal voice. There is no cut or weird editing afterwards, so we can assume that Feyd didn't answer either time he was asked.
Instead he takes his bearing and looks around. He is not aggressive or panicked when he admits to not recognising the place.
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Dude is designed to blend into his surroundings. Bonkers he doesn't wear gloves at this stage.
Risk taking : he steps unprompted in the door entrance, and she then says "come to me, kneel," etc. BUT we know he KNOWS about the BG tricks, so we can suppose that he's actually making the decision to go in despite knowing full well she can and will control him.
There's plenty of hints that he may still be heavily under her charm, but there's also evidence he can resist the voice she uses on him (he never answers her repeated questions, tries to fight it off).
He never reacts agressively. He says "where are you going?" with some heat when she leaves though, which to me hints at loneliness. He was all alone avoiding every harkonnen under the moon on his birthday despite being the king of the night, meets a random chick he dreamt about, and now she leaves? Spiced suggested though he may ask because he's not used to people leaving without being dismissed. But imo these can blend.
I lean towards Feyd being quite resistant to the voice because they sent Margot in the first place. Yes, Mohiam wants a child made, but in her excuses, she does't say "I want him bred". Instead she says she's a motherly figure and he might have killed her because he killed his mom. If the voice was such a perfect tool of control, that wouldn't really be an issue, especially once you have him under the Gom Jabar.
There may be an element of "These men [Paul and Feyd] are one generation away from the KH and can't be toyed with carelessly".
He also killed his BG mother, which means he's capable of killing a sister and not any small fry.
So they send a sexy woman to woo him and yet she still has to ask multiple times about what he knows of the BG.
Regarding his dreams, it's also possible Feyd is so compliant and keen to follow Margot because he might have foreseen a freaky good time with her.
One is left to wonder if he looks at Mwaddib walking into the throne room with such intensity not because he's hot for him (he doesn't yet know it's Paul), but because he may have SEEN this scene in dreams. We know Paul was very affected by the spice in the air and food on Arrakis. We also know he made frequent false visions (Jamis helps but it ends up being Chani. Chani and him cut ambiguously in the killing scene. Seeing himself in Chani's place in the final combat scene...) So we can also imagine Feyd may be overconfident in taking in the Emperor's challenge because he's dreamt of this too. Just spitballing.
The BG call him a sociopath with a side of hollywood competency. He has a bit of the BBC Sherlock and Hannibal Lecter disease. He should not be as tame or as competent as he's described and shown if he had the full disorder.
It's very interesting to look at the Fenring scene with sociopathic traits in mind and see how they apply or don't.
He's not getting his need for validation avoiding the party, but he just survived an attempt on his life by his Dear Uncle before getting his freedom dangled in front of him. Lots on his mind.
He's not prone to anger outburst in general. His behaviour isn't very erratic either. Both of these classic traits were probably curb-stomped by the need to fit the mold imposed by the Na-Baron position.
But he definitely has a high sense of his superiority and is opinionated. He speaks up unprompted during the Baron's interview, and again behind the Emperor with 'he's bluffing'
High propensity for violence: check. Whole film, basically. He can be prompted by anger (against Rabban), perceived threat (arena), reactive/defensive (against Margot trailing him). Violence in reaction to fear isn't shown.
Difficulty maintaining relationships : the only people he seems fond of are his once shown, once mentioned pets he brings with him. His family relationships are what they are, and he has no friend to go to on his Birthday.
Generally fearful, vulnerable to anxiety and rejection, easy to humiliate : what a cincher. This is him reacting defensively to Margot's flirting. The BG say fear of humiliation is one of his levers, and if you give him a strong attachment to an honour code, it's very easy to manipulate.
IMO this feeds into his displays of vanity (black teeth, tailor made pretty pets). Also since black is seen as a rich and beautiful colour on their world, his all black outfits with clean cuts may not be as muted as we think they are.
the end... for now.
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i love kevin is a coward anon. the only other person willing to accept the truth, instead of going ballistic because somebody mentioned a character having a flaw.
I'll go ballistic cause I'm tired of people completely misunderstanding a character to the point all people know him as is something he's not. Even if you thought so during the series at the end of the series he's not . And when Kevin's flaw becomes his entire personality and his entire good sides gets ignored. Neil has flaws too; Andrew has one ; other foxes do yet I haven't seen people describing Neil as a reckless hypocrite as much as they do Kevin. at the end of the day think how you want to think but I'm going ballistic cause over 7 years onto this fandom and people still define traumatized Kevin as a spinless coward and nothing more when he's not . By your logic is jean a coward too? Kevin told Neil to run away in the middle of the season knowing exy would be at risk ; he offered to talk to Neil about riko when he literally has panic attacks because of it. That's not cowardance. Neil has nothing to lose and isn't exactly empathic to other people since he's surviving .The same way Neil being scared of his father/abuser isn't cowardance. Kevin HAS flaws ; I've never said he didn't just like other foxes yet their flaws aren't made their entire characters same way Kevin's is and it's unfair.thats all I'm saying. Agree to disagree. I can't accept the truth just fine.
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A Sleepy Boi
(and Impending Danger)🧯
It's been AGES since I last drew and I haven't drawn anything from AA before, so here's a quick redraw!
I might do some more redraws, so if you have any favourite pics of Phoenix or Miles from the series, send them and I maybe I'll use it for my next one!
(Below without shade and highlights because I also like this version.)
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I remember being very pleasantly surprised to see artwork of Phoenix outside of the courtroom and without his jacket on when I first watched a playthrough of The Lost Turnabout (little did I know how much more great art and animation was to come in later games~).
Also my poor boi is always having to run around in the one day he has (at most!) to prepare for cases, but I feel like this case would've scarred him from ever catching some rest in the courthouse again.
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bdoubleowo · 1 year
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inspired by the tags on this post
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time-is-restored · 8 months
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btw not to make everything about My Fucking Guy but i honestly think one of the things that seperates q!phil out from the other islanders is the approach he takes to dealing with the lack of agency + control all the islanders have over whatever the fuck the federation's doing.
it shows up most prominently whenever tubbo is excitedly telling him about the 'progress' he's made with cucurucho or various investigations (ie: trapping him into a corner with the 'do you have free will' questions), and phil always shoots it down w an immediate 'that doesn't mean anything. curucuho will say anything to mess with you. you can't take anything he says as true.'
and it's not that phil is... a paticularly pessimistic character? he's just EXTREMELY practical. like, he's yet to give up on anyone EVER finding ANY answers (he was the one who initially gave the federation that one week ultimatum w the cage for a cage stream), he just doesn't trust the idea that curucuho is ever going to voluntarily give them. they're uncontrollable + senseless - you might as well argue with the weather.
and like, if that's how he sees the one (1) and only point of contact the islanders HAD with the federation for months, it explains a lot abt his characters lifestyle! ofc he sits on the wall all day, talking to his kids, and keeping his head down. he believes that the federation wants nothing more than to drag the islanders into sick games + tasks just so they can fuck with their head (ie: curucuho revealing he was the one cellbit gathered all that information for). and while he can't totally PREVENT any of that from ever impacting him, he can make sure his kids are well fed, well protected, and as happy + comfortable as he can manage. this is objectively not a perfect situation, there is a guaranteed amount of suffering + fear that he can't mitigate, but he can at least account for it.
like, he REFUSES to engage. whenever curucho shows up, he treats them with total ambivalence. he's not going to get riled up by anything they do, he's not going to get super attached to the guy, he's just gonna laugh it off and irish goodbye it when things drag on. the ONLY time he's strayed from that general guiding principle has been since he's lost his eggs, and can no longer afford to let the federation's fuckery go: those are his fucking kids.
hence the completely unprecedented levels of outward rage and sadness and terror he shows throughout the birdcage streams - almost all directed directly to cucurucho. it's all a completely fair + proportional response to the horror the islanders are being subjected to, but it feels so different bc until now, q!phil has been so dedicated to not reacting, and not giving the federation any sign that they're actually getting to him.
#qsmp#q!phil#LIKE. does anyone else think this! i genuinely believe its like one of the major#traits of his character i feel like u can trace it through Everything.#the man lives with the constant knowledge that sometimes all it takes is a tempting ravine and a badly timed creeper to end a life#whether that life belongs to a stranger or someone you love more than anything else in the world#you COULD rage against that. you could scream and shout and tear your hair out and grieve for the futility of it all#but what does that change? the days march on. death waits either way#and that's not to say he's a laizesfair kind of guy. anyone who's seen him stress out abt chayanne's risk taking + freak out#whenever his kids don't have enough autofeed grist can see that he cares DEEPLY. which resolves into his very distinctive#defensive + protective playstyle. the goal is not to win the fight the goal is to *survive* the fight etc#but the only way that mindset doesn't spill out into unchecked paranoia + complete agoraphobia is with acceptance#'shit happens: the philza minecraft story'#i also think it even manifests in the nightmare sequence w his last words to chayanne? 'they didn't want us to live. we were never supposed#to survive' or whatever the exact wording was#he is FURIOUS and deeply hurt and sad abt the deaths he says so explicitly later#but at the time the first thing he reaches for is. exhausted acceptance. it wasn't their fault. it wasn't his fault. they did their best.#they could only do so much in the face of the federation's Overwhelming Hostility. y'know?#mine
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dootznbootz · 3 months
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I feel kind of bad about that post I made talking about how Odysseus would never sacrifice his family to save his own skin while I didn't give a name, I hope that person doesn't feel bad or that they get hate. As I don't want to gatekeep someone's interpretation of the Odyssey but also...while I guess you could claim that he would do that, there's so much MORE evidence as to how he would literally rather be stabbed than see his wife and son have even a splinter
Her rejecting him at first put him in a bad position. Honestly, in an alternate universe, where she didn't accept him or trick him that night, I think the poor guy would've cried himself to sleep again in that separate cot. He'd probably cry to Athena and ask if he did something wrong.
It would probably be an "awkward morning" of Odysseus and Penelope silently doing their things (not bringing up suitors' parents right now. And Odysseus would probably tell Telemachus to not say anything stupid.) and eventually, everything would bubble up out of Odysseus and honestly, I could see him straight up begging her to accept him. Not even caring about how he appeared to others.
Honestly, if she DID take a lover in that time...I think he'd either accept it and just...wander? Around Ithaca as a beggar as he doesn't want to be away from them but if they won't accept him, what else can he do? OR if she had another lover, (War flashback of the shitty retelling where Penelope has an affair) he'd probably kill the lover as let's be honest, Odysseus is basically a Yandere, to put it simply. Touch the wife, you get the knife.
And yeah, he doesn't JUST want his family.
"Oh, he wants to not be in constant danger."
"He just wants to go back to Ithaca."
"He wants to be king again."
Boy howdy, he sure does!!! But if, for example, Penelope and Telemachus for some reason moved to somewhere else? IDK, AU where they permanently moved to Sparta, hanging with Helen and Menelaus, and she didn't remarry or something. He'd be like "Shit, okay, BRB." And go to them. He'd probably have them all go back to Ithaca but still, THEY ARE HIS HOME. They make Ithaca home. Any place is home as long as he has them.
Despite having the opportunity to wed the most beautiful woman in the world, he took the Oath so then he could marry Penelope. And even then, it wasn't "for sure" as he had to race her dad. He did so much simply to have the CHANCE to marry her even though he probably wasn't planning on getting married as he brought no gifts. And he did so much so then he wouldn't have to leave the life they had built together and their young baby.
He could've had ANYONE. Went ANYWHERE. Did ANYTHING and he still wanted THEM.
Like??? Holy shit. This guy would do ANYTHING for them. I mean that's kind of why he's considered to be so "scummy" in how ride or die he is for them and basically a bitch to everyone else. That's what makes him SO different from many of his peers.
Person: Would you rather have your family- Odysseus: Family, always. Person: I didn't even say it yet- Odysseus: I don't fucking care. Always family. Person: Even if it meant you got immortality and a hot goddess for a wife? Odysseus: You act like that's a good thing? That was literally torture. Fuck you. I already have a hot Water Wife™ that I get the privilege to drown in every day. She gave me a wonderful Water Son™ who is the light of my eyes and who I am more proud to be the father of than I am of being the son of an Argonaut Person: Even if I give you a million dollars? Odysseus, acting nonchalant while Penelope picks the person's pockets: As if we can't get that on our own. Person: You'd die? Odysseus: I'll set myself on fire if I have to. Person: ...Okay, new question. Would you rather lose your family- Odysseus: The other option. Always. Person: Even torture? Odysseus: I never said I would like it, just that I would do it. Person: Even yeet a baby?! Odysseus: I'll punt the baby if I have to. It's not like I wanna but I gotta do what I gotta do.
And so on and so forth. You GET IT.
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trans-axolotl · 9 months
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for about two years now ive struggled with relapses in self harm and have not really known how to deal with my desires for harm, health, and existing thoughts on antipsychiatry. ive been accessing psychiatric resources for well over a decade with a lot of trauma inflicted over that time. ive also dealt with really harsh approaches to reducing self harm that both began the problem in the first place and worsened it.
ive been working with my therapist to stop self harming but, to be honest, i have no desire to stop. i try my best to reduce risk where i can such as not self harming in an emotional state, using clean implements, and keeping it light. previously i didnt care about any of those things and self harm was mainly a dangerous coping mechanism. but now i see it almost as a form of body modification with a lot of intentionality to it.
i really dont know what to think. its objectively dangerous since i am harming myself but i also cant agree with the general aims of therapy and psychiatry to stop self harming as an ultimate goal. i want to be happy and healthy and for me that means living with self harm as a reality of something i will continue to do. and i think its my right as an autonomous person to choose what i do with my body, even if its harmful. yet i can feel the claws of psychiatry and feel so much shame and hatred towards the fact i cant stop. or more significantly, that i dont want to.
sorry for such a long ask, but essentially what im getting at is, how does one handle harm reduction when there is no desire to ever fully stop? i believe in my own right to bodily autonomy but ive also been told repeatedly that using my bodily autonomy to harm myself makes me undeserving of it and instead in need of carceral punishment. how do i even begin to navigate those contradictions of feeling like ive been horribly hurt and dehumanized and feeling like on some level ive deserved that dehumanization because of the pain i inflict? is self harm as body modification even a concept or idea that people have discussed? since i mainly just see it discussed as a coping mechanism.
content note: continued discussion of self harm and self harm methods.
Hi, anon. Thanks so much for reaching out.
I really resonated with so much of what you shared. It's really hard to try to navigate all our feelings associated with self harm when we are constantly hearing from society that our self harm makes us dangerous or unworthy or unable to live outside of institutions. For me, it honestly feels really violating when other people like providers try to push their narrative of what self harm means onto me. My relationship with my self harm is so personal and there's a lot of different meaning I attach to it, and I want the room to be able to talk about it in a way that actually makes sense to me.
Something that's helped me in trying to navigate all of this for myself is really just to come back to these values of bodily autonomy and harm reduction. A really important harm reduction value for me is that it is completely okay if people don't ever stop (whether we're talking about drugs, self harm, disorderly eating, etc). It's important to me that we can defend people's right to do all these things and recognize that harm reduction should not be just another method of coercion trying to convince people to stop. I strongly believe that people can have meaningful and valuable lives that also include self harm as a part of our lives. I want to build a world where we can say that we're not interested in completely stopping self harm and that statement is not reacted to with shame or blame, but rather with curiosity and respect for the fact that we are the experts on our own lives and choices. Part of encouraging autonomy is recognizing that we are allowed to make choices about our lives that might not be what the psych system wants us to make.
Anyway, all of this is to say: I think it's okay if you're not interested in ever stopping self harming, and I know a lot of people who also feel similarly to you. You absolutely have the right to interpret your self harm in a way that makes sense for you. I've definitely heard other people talk about self harm as body modification (I think some of the harm reduction zines in this google drive might talk about it, but I haven't read through them in a while. Continued content note for discussion of self harm, self harm methods, and diagrams of anatomy and self harm). It makes a lot of sense why you might connect self harm and body modification, and that's something that would resonate with a lot of other people. You have the right to build a life that includes self harm as a part of it, and find a way to do it that makes sense for your body and life.
That feeling of dehumanization you described is so so real. I really just feel a lot of rage towards a psychiatric system that makes us feel so hurt and conflicted. Untangling that learned shame and hatred towards ourselves is so fucking hard, but just know that you are not alone in that and that we have the right to reject the ways the psych system punishes us.
And I want to be clear that none of this is to downplay the very real harm, pain, or risk that can come with self harm, but rather to point out that abstinence only methods, shame, and carceral psychiatry did not do anything to support me with that. Instead, it left me feeling trapped and like it was worthless to even try to figure out what I needed in really difficult moments. So I also really just want to acknowledge and celebrate all the stuff you listed in your ask--using clean implements, not self harming in an emotional state, and keeping it light. I'm really glad that you've found some steps to take that make self harm more manageable for you. Those are not lesser steps or a waste of your time just because you are not interested in stopping self harm, and those things are such a great example of how harm reduction doesn't require you to stop self harming in order to make some changes that reduce risk.
Just sending a lot of love and solidarity to you, anon, from another person who is not interested in completely stopping self harm, even as my relationship to my self harm shifts and changes over the years. There are a lot of us out here and we deserve to have the space to openly talk about these things without facing judgement.
💜💜💜💜
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paperlovesadness · 11 months
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Me seeing all the comments under Glasto-themed posts blaming Alex for being sick and calling off Dublin
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I'm barely able to fold that knife though.... And I'm not trusting myself that it'll stay folded.
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bitacrytic · 4 months
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Watching stay with me and we're in ep 19.
The boys are friends again.
They're talking to their parents again. The rich ones, I mean.
The secrets are out.
They're celebrating their eighteenth birthdays.
The Yu-Li snack bar is open.
Everything is fucking dandy.
SO WHY ON THIS GREEN FUCKING EARTH DO WE STILL HAVE FIVE MORE EPISODES LEFT!!!!!
What is all this rubbish? because the spoilers I have seen online have already happened. They've fought. They've gotten sick. They've been to the hospital. They've been beaten. So what? What is this show planning now? Should I stop here? Should I just close my eyes and claim that the show ended on a happy note? Because why is there more trouble? Why do we have so many episodes left? What is this?????
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reanimatedgh0ul · 9 months
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i think it'd be interesting if there was a fic premise that involved phantom going to valerie's apartment (bc he knows where she lives bc of life lessons) to apologize to her for exposing her identity to damon bc while danny did this to ultimately keep her out of harm's way it still wasn't right for him to do
meanwhile valerie isn't interested in what he has to say bc she's grounded from ghost hunting bc of him and to her it doesn't matter that town has now decided to go from hating him to loving him all of sudden bc he ultimately saved them but she's ultimately believes he's putting up a front
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sortanonymous · 2 months
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Life as a Truex fan these past 22 race weekends
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dan-sing-in-the-rain · 3 months
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there's something that I really love about characters who choose to do things that are inherently dangerous, because they're Good things and they love them and they know the risks, they know that those risks are a given, and anything could happen to any of them and they KNOW it.... but they're still shocked and shaken to their absolute core when it does. the line snaps and they knew it was always an option but they never thought it could truly become reality. they've weighed the risks and made their choices but they don't know what to do when those risks turn real.
#vagueblogging for robin#except this time it's mostly for kaylie and called-kept because this is brought on by a sudden influx of feelings about dick grayson#like yes i do know that his parents were murdered. but a fall like that is still a possibility ANYWAY in that profession#and maybe at that age (dick was 9 right?) he didn't quite Get It but like.... falling was always a risk#and i feel like that's just accepted as a given. but the given and the REALITY of it is completely different#same with vigilante stuff. like there's always the option for injury and loss and death. but they do it anyway#idk much about the whole thing where everyone thought bruce was dead but i feel like this applies there too#bc bruce is dick's dad basically for most of his life. and they KNOW that what they do is dangerous#but it's GOOD and WORTH IT and they bring hope and safety at risk of their own!!!#and then bruce is gone. and it's like.... dick must have known the risks and seen them so many times#but bruce??? batman??? dead (or presumed)?? not something that computes#for... any of them honestly but considering what happened to his parents I'm stuck on dickie bestie rn#idk just thinking about the inherent risks of acrobatics and acroBATics and the way they still don't seem quite real until they're TOO real#someone talk to me about this i feel like I'm going insane i just want to hug that circus boy 😭#Lu rambles#this post is fairly nondescript and can apply to many many things but I'm gonna tag it for my own blog anyway#batfam#dick grayson#meta finding tag
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outeremissary · 1 year
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Fandom reputation: Number one Tristian fan, kingmaker enthusiast with highly interesting thoughts, creator of beautiful little artworks and always so much fun to talk to.
Haha, thank you. Though I think I have been too late on the scene and too antisocial to be number one anything, truly... There are a lot of people out there who have been creating in the fandom much longer than I and have brought really impressive things into being. For reasons that elude me, some even follow me- a great and terrible honor indeed.
I am always happy to hear that the art and the company are fun :) As much as I grow, I know I'm still unskilled in both creative and social spheres, haha. It's high praise from someone as skilled as you. I'm amazed by what you can create and how rapidly you've grown.
#I am the Kingmaker philosopher with this reputation for thinking.#though I hope one day it translates into more than vaguely discussed thoughts...#I suppose at risk of being too sincere there is something truly frightening about putting things out there#when I started the Kingmaker blog I really didn't think there could be anyone on Tumblr who cared about the game#I'm very anxious and have a bad habit of comparing myself to others#I never really participated in online fandom before because the incredible abilities of others scared me- I had little to offer#the idea of quietly running a blog that no one saw appealed from me even if there was a fantasy of being famous and praised#like no competition would mean no stress.#but the truth is that there were a lot of people there already who created things I couldn't dream of coming close to#mature and skilled art. long and carefully crafted pieces of writing.#when I became aware of that I got scared.#it made it hard to be proud of what I was doing#so I went to Twitter where I had no audience and I thought no way of being discovered#and then there were people there too.#there have been times I've been so intimidated by others I've really thought about giving up completely#I can't grow or create fast enough to feel like I'm keeping pace#but I guess I want to take a cue from Balthazar and live more selfishly.#I don't really want to be the best anymore and I don't want to worry about what I ought to be doing#or to have a purpose for things or follow some process to a conventional goal#I just want to do what I enjoy without worrying about other people#or thinking I take up too much space#it's hard though right#anyway. no real concluding thought here#sorry to throw down such atrocious tags here on a post already fishing for compliments haha#turns out I actually don't know what to do with compliments when I get them.#ask me emithing#long post#dmagedgoods
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