#and i don't think they intended it to be as big of an undertaking as it actually is but i *accepted* the *committment*

[aster-go-brrr]

still having brain technical difficulties but im procrastinating on working on a research project for a friend of mine BSHDHDHDA

[ryuzakemo128]

Grim Reaper

Pairing: (Possibly?) Poly Team 141 x Female Reader / Female Reader x Her mental health

Content Warning: Mental Issues touched upon. Swearing.

Note: Your code names are either Grim Reader or Iron Maiden.

Words: 2502

Masterlist - Prequel - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven

Supernatural AU - Poem

Credit for Dividers: @cafekitsune + @strangergraphics

Summary:

If you can’t be perfect at something, why bother trying?

If you can’t get it right the first time, why bother?

What would they do if you had forcibly removed yourself from the equation? Would they notice that you were gone? Would they care? You went numb because of your parents. The lack of care and the added pressure to remain at the top.

"Do me a favour and just leave me alone." You said. Telling them both to go away. To leave you alone. They had each other and you were alone. Death seemed better than whatever mess awaited you back home. You have worked alone for the longest time. You require no back up. Not only that, but you don't need any pity or assistance. Death is reward in a sea of endless nightmares.

“It's not like you can stop me.” You told him. Eyes narrowing at him. Picking up your duffle bag to head out the door. “Do me favour a leave me alone.”

If you can’t be perfect at something, why bother trying?

If you can’t get it right the first time, why bother?

‘Do me a favour and go back to ignoring me. It’s what you’re good for.’ You thought.

‘Let’s get going morons. I don’t have the patience to deal with my shit and yours. Lets go already’ you think during times where people just take too long.

‘It’s war. Stop celebrating it like it’s a fucking football match and go back to work, you ignorant fucks.’ You pondered, looking over the soldiers celebrating too loudly.

‘My feelings are not yours to discuss. I will not speak endless garbage.’ You continued to glare at team 141 from afar. ‘They talk too much. Talking more doesn’t make you smarter. Nor does it make you look smarter, either.’

You have an interest in MMA, Kickboxing, axe throwing and Electrical Engineering. Your still undertaking your pathway into Electrical Engineering in different ways like the mask you wear on your face. Covering it entirely. Leaving nothing to the naked eye.

You have a high pain tolerance. An excellent one-track focus. Almost unnerving, eery according to your superiors.

You are your superior’s grim reaper as your lone wolf behaviour serves them so well. They don’t want anyone else to have you. Ever.

Thus, you have no intention of bonding with them. Once the mission is over. You intend to disappear once they turn around long enough to let you disappear.

‘Imagine looking like that.’ You heard about you. You managed to overhearing from your parent’s mouths, your bullies and the people you thought were your friends. Why bother giving someone else that chance to do it all over again when all they’ll do is leave you broken.

Your face staring back at you in the mirror. The only reason you got into the military is because of the fact that you wouldn’t be able to afford to fix your teeth otherwise. It was mostly a health reason rather than because you were so keen on ‘serving’.

All of your snacks are stored inside of a body bag to prevent people from stealing them from you. It made you feel safe and have a way to eat something without relying on other people. Even while you were growing up.

Touching your face, neck or shoulders are a big no, no for you. “Get the fuck away. Next time you do that shit, I’m hitting you in the face.” You said instinctively as a warning to get them away from you.

“Bury me in a cardboard box on the side of a highway or some shit. I don’t care.” You said once. You were annoyed and overstimulated from the lights, sounds and the combination onslaught of senses. You didn’t want more. You wanted less. You wanted to stop feeling like you were going to choke yourself or someone else.

All because you wore the evil socks that day and everything went down hill fast from there.

"Not here." You said, hoping the knock on your door would disappear as you were meditating.

You were wrong. You were wrong in a way you wish you saw coming.

The knock persisted. It grew louder, more insistent. It was as if the very wood of the door was begging for your attention. You knew it was Captain Price. His heavy footsteps and distinct knocking pattern had become all too familiar over the weeks. With a sigh, you opened the door to reveal the stern man with the unlit cigar hanging from his lips.

'God. I should have taken the drive into the lake this afternoon if I knew I was going to be bothered again.' you thought.

Captain Price looked at you with a gaze that could cut through steel. "We have a mission, Grim. Get dressed, you're coming with us." His voice was gruff, the words cutting through the silence of your room like a knife.

"Pretty sure you have all the help you need this time Captain." you snorted.

Price just stared at you. That unlit cigar doing nothing to hide the frustration in his eyes. He knew you didn’t care for the camaraderie of the squad, but that didn’t change the mission. “It’s a solo job, Grim. You’re our best shot at this. No one else can go in there and come out without raising suspicion.”

'Great. This means more time I need to get rid of excess aggression. I want to fucking kill myself.' you thought as you got ready.

You grabbed your gear, the same gear that had seen more blood than most people had in their lives. It was a grim reminder of your purpose. You were the weapon of choice for when things got too messy for the regular soldiers. The government’s way of keeping their hands clean.

The mission briefing was short and to the point. Infiltrate a heavily guarded compound, extract the intel, and eliminate the target. A simple task for anyone else, but for you, it was just another Tuesday. The room was filled with tension as the team around you studied the layout, whispering strategies and potential escape routes. You remained silent, eyes locked on the map, your mind already racing through the countless scenarios that could unfold.

Your mantra, 'I don't need you. Just as you don't need me.' echoed in your mind as you geared up. You didn't bother with the usual banter or good lucks that filled the air before a mission. They were just words. Empty, hollow promises of friendship and camaraderie that you knew would crumble under the weight of reality. You were the Grim Reaper, not their buddy. 'I am what you see when death is on the table.'

"I tolerate you. I don't intend to do more Captain." You said once, your voice as cold as the Siberian night you once fought in. You had earned your name, Grim Reaper, not just from your silent and deadly tactics, but from the emotional vacuum you carried with you. It was like speaking to a wall, but they had come to accept it.

Though the amount of aggression you had pent-up was enough to fuel a small war, you knew that you had to keep it in check. You were confronted about it, though for the life of you, you had no idea why they cared. You were heading to the gym to get rid of the excess aggression from your system.

You walked into the gym to just get to rid of it. If it was particularly traumatising, she won't speak to anyone on the way there. The sound of metal clanging and the rhythmic thump of combat boots on the floor echoed through the space as you approached the boxing ring. It was a cage match in here, but not the kind that involved a referee or an audience. Just you and your inner demons. You slammed your duffle bag down on the bench, the thud resonating in the room as you began to unpack your gear.

One such instance was today, and you were interrupted, "Ask someone else." you said and continued on your way. "Ask Ghost to help. I'm sure he's far more willing for you." You had enough pent-up to fuel a small generator.

He didn't budge, didn't move and he certainly had no intention of taking his eyes off of you. You felt like a caged animal, and Price knew it. He was the kind of man that knew when to push and when to pull. His hand rested on the doorframe, his knuckles white with the effort of holding himself back. You knew he had more to say, but he remained silent, waiting for your next move.

You came back from the most recent mission and you didn't want to talk.

You had just gotten back from a mission that had gone sideways. The intel was solid, the target was eliminated, but the compound had been a veritable hornet's nest. Bullets had flown like rain, and you had danced through the storm like a specter. But even as you walked back into the base, the stench of gunpowder and death clung to you like a second skin. You could feel it in every step you took, every breath you drew.

The gym was empty, a rare luxury in this place. You climbed into the ring, the ropes groaning slightly as you took up your stance. The bag before you was your silent adversary, the only one who never talked back, never questioned your motives, never judged your scars. You threw a punch, feeling the impact resonate up your arm, the pain a sweet release. You had done this a hundred times before, but tonight it was different. Tonight, the bag felt like it was fighting back, each hit echoing the pain you felt inside.

Your sparring match made you look more like Iron maiden than Grim Reaper. Each punch and kick sent the bag swinging, the sound of impact a cathartic symphony in the empty gym. Sweat beaded on your forehead, mixing with the grime of the day’s battle. You were lost in the rhythm, the therapeutic dance of combat, until the sound of the gym door squeaking open broke your concentration.

You spun around, fists clenched, expecting an unwelcome interruption from one of the chattering squad members. But instead, you found yourself face to face with Captain Price. He leaned against the ropes of the ring, his eyes never leaving yours. He didn’t speak, just nodded slightly, acknowledging your presence without interrupting your solitude. He knew better than to approach you after a mission like that. The air was thick with unspoken words, a silent agreement that sometimes the best conversations were the ones never had.

He still remembers when you judo threw soap when he touched your shoulders. "Keep your hands to yourself."

You could see the look in his eyes, the concern and the curiosity. But you didn’t care. You didn’t need his pity or his sympathy. You were fine. You had to be fine. You had to be the one who could handle it all, because if you weren’t, who would they send instead? The weak? The inexperienced? No, they’d send you. And you’d die.

So you ignored him, turned back to the punching bag, and threw another hit. This one was harder than the last. The bag swung back and forth, the chains groaning with each impact. The sweat on your forehead trickled down your cheek, stinging your eyes. But you didn’t flinch. You never did. That was your job, to not flinch. To not feel. To be the one who did the dirty work while everyone else patted themselves on the back and told themselves they were heroes.

Price remained there, his eyes never leaving you. You could feel his gaze boring into your back, but you ignored it. You had to. You had to keep going, keep fighting, keep moving forward. It was the only way to survive in this world. The way to keep the darkness at bay. The way to keep from breaking down.

From them seeing you as the caged animal you are. Ghost only had to hold you back once, which even for him, remains to be rather difficult, it was to give you your anti-psychotic meds which you had no idea you had to take. Ghost said, "You're an unruly beast, aren't you? Hey, stop trying to bite me." You growled afterwards. You didn’t know how to handle kindness, so you lashed out. It was easier to push people away than to let them in, only to watch them leave when they realized what you truly were. A monster, bred for war.

Ghost called you a good girl and you grimaced instead of growling, taking the pill with a sip of water. "Thanks," you murmured, trying to sound sincere. But the word felt strange in your mouth, like a foreign tongue you hadn’t spoken in a long time. You didn’t know how to be good, not when all you knew was the taste of gunpowder and the feel of cold steel.

Ghost chuckled, at your reaction, "No need to thank me, Grim. We all got our battles to fight. Just remember, we're all in this together." His voice was soothing, a stark contrast to the brutal world outside the gym. For a moment, you felt a flicker of something akin to warmth. But it was fleeting, snuffed out by the cold reality of who and what you were. You nodded curtly, not trusting your voice to respond.

You slept without nightmares that night. Odd. Normally they were there.

The doctor's eyes widened slightly at your candidness, but he remained calm. "Grim, you can't keep going on like this. The mind can't handle this kind of stress indefinitely. It's not healthy."

You didn't say anything in response. The doctor 's words hung in the air, heavy and unwelcome. You didn't need a psych evaluation. You needed a mission, a target to focus on, something to keep the darkness at bay. To the doctor's surprise you allowed him to get closer. To him it was a sign of progress, to you it was just a way to get what you needed. He offered you a hand to help you up from under the table, and for a split second, you took it feeling like you were five again. Lost without your parents.

You were now on your way home. Even though you didn't want to.The doctor had convinced you, or rather, the fear of incompetency had convinced you.

You didn’t want to be seen as weak, as someone who couldn’t handle the pressure. So, you agreed to the leave, with the caveat that you’d be back as soon as it was over.

You packed your bags with the same precision you used for your missions, double-checking every item. The gym had become your sanctuary, a place where you could unleash your demons without consequence.

Now, you were being sent back to the real world, where those demons were born.

[windvexer]

hiii chicken. i have an issue i was hoping you can help with, maybe give some ideas. i have a whole list of mental illnesses and a big symptom is struggling with showering everyday plus keeping my house clean. the problem is i feel like i cannot undertake any spiritual task (even a tarot reading) if i haven't fully showered+ cleaned my house. it's a mix of my religious upbringing and feeling like everything is spiritually unclean too if it is physically unclean. i cannot even wave some incense around because it feels useless. i understand the best solution to this is that i actually just keep everything clean but i was hoping to hear something else that might help too. thank you 🫶

Hi, Anon. I imagine that the best solution is probably not just keeping everything clean all the time or else you can't practice your faith.

So I'll speak on the only thing I can, which is magical cleansing theory and technique.

So first! Let's get some definitions going.

Spiritually unclean is a bit of a loaded term, I think, because usually people take "spiritual" to mean "faith; belief; my interaction with what I hold sacred" (&etc), and then spiritually unclean can sound like, "my faith tells me I'm dirty unless I clean all of the time," which I don't think is something I can help with.

Instead, we can perhaps choose more discrete terms to discuss the topic.

One helpful term here may be profane, as in, not sacred; nonreligious. This definition of profane is close to worldly, which is something secular; in contrast to the spiritual.

Completely separate from that is something we might call supernatural energy. For our purposes, supernatural energy can be described as the supernatural body of a wide variety of phenomenon, from emotions, to gods and spirits, to abstractions such as elements and concepts (try channeling the supernatural energy of beauty, or the concept of a cozy mystery novel!).

Given these definitions, we've got a couple of avenues of exploration.

Generally, a lot of witches and practitioners really do enjoy having sacred spaces in their homes. These are usually small spaces, because they tend to be difficult and even tedious to properly maintain.

Few of us have the space to maintain an entire room as a temple in the home; if we're lucky, we get a whole sacred bookshelf. Many practitioners can't, or don't want to, keep sacred spaces in their homes at all.

Wicca and Traditional Witchcraft, and I don't know whom else but I'm sure we're not the literal only two, have dealt with the concept of sacred space by casting a temporary circle, the space within considered to be highly sacred in many ways useful to a witch.

So when you say, "I feel like everything is spiritually unclean," if what you mean is, "I feel like my home is worldly, profane; I want to transform it into a sacred space suitable for practicing my faith," then my reply to you is:

Invest in the witchcraft knowledge and skills which allow you, as the witch, to delineate manageable spiritual spaces within your home and keep them magically safeguarded and separate from everyday living spaces.

Witches can build and safeguard sacred spaces; we have the technology. We can build permanent physical spaces, like altar rooms and shrines, but we can also build temporary spaces, like circles.

After all, if a construction company can block out the profanity of the outside world just by putting cladding on a frame, why can't you separate the sacredness of a small, manageable working space by building magical walls actually intended for that purpose?

Regarding self-cleansing, in your case showering:

If the purpose of your showering is to make you, personally, feel as if you've "crossed the threshold" into a state of sacredness, that's certainly not invalid.

However, it may be worth examining in your practice if A) other things can deliver you into a state of sacredness without triggering unwanted focus on physical cleaning, and B) exactly how sacred you've got to be to perform typical witchcraft practices that you'd like to perform.

In my practice, I wouldn't say I've ever got to get sacred, but I do often have to get into headspace, which may be another function that showering (and cleaning the house itself) is performing for you. If you haven't, practicing shifting your state of consciousness or entering "magical headspace" intentionally and with chosen cues may be very valuable to you.

Now, all of the above completely aside, when you say that you feel your space is spiritually unclean, perhaps what you mean is "my house regularly accumulates supernatural energy, and I feel that it's useless to practice if these other energies are getting in the way."

And that's a whole other can of beans.

The short answer is that this can be dealt with in the same way as sacredness; draw a magical line in the sand, and say "this smaller space is where I'm doing my working, and I'll manage the energy inside of it, but not without."

The long answer is to perhaps begin questioning why your home is so filled with all these stifling supernatural energies, and how you can take proactive steps to limit unwanted types.

People and animals tend to shed energy during the normal course of their lives. Energy does tend to accumulate in unused corners of rooms, even if those corners are regularly tidied and dusted. And all of this is nothing to say of events like parties, arguments, holiday festivities, and spirit or god interactions that can rapidly shift what supernatural energies are cluttering up a place.

In part, this can be dealt with using proactive spellwork. Enchanted objects can be put near doors to comb through incoming energy and help prevent unwanted varieties from coming in. Servitors can be created to munch on certain types of energy and poo out cozy white light. Charms on the top of door jambs work particularly well to manage energy flow through the household.

That incense being waved around can clean out unwanted energy, too - and frankly, if it doesn't, then there is more practice to be had in regards to enchanting substances for the purposes of cleansing.

Normal cleaning can be supercharged with magic to not only ensure unwanted types of energy are removed, but also to have a preventative effect to help stop them from coming back right away.

If there are special factors, like a household member constantly leaking awful vibes onto the rug, magic can also be done to stop their energy from spilling out; or, proactive spellwork can be done to divert or adjust upcoming unwanted events, and so on.

I wouldn't say it's wrong to want a house that specifically has only got your favorite types of energy in it, but the practical does tend to get in the way quite a lot.

Like, I live with other people. Witchcraft isn't mind games or psychology. If you strip the house of energy and refill it with a certain type, other people notice. Pets notice. Spirits especially notice, and Lord knows they're going to have their opinions on it.

If your only method of cleansing your home is entirely cleaning it every single time, there are a lot more helpful and proactive cleansing techniques out there, is what I'm saying.

At the end of the day, I'm real loosey-goosey on belief. Once I believed ritualistic cleansing was the only way, then I believed in the power of regular cleaning, then there was no difference between cleanliness and dirtiness, or sacred and profane; then it all mattered again but it was easy, and coming up here in a minute I suspect it'll all still matter but it'll be hard.

Wanting a sacred space, wanting a clean space, believing in cleanliness and sacredness; these are not the issues.

It sounds like for you, the issue is learning how to manage your needs and separate your sacred/clean working space from your everyday living.

I genuinely think there are a ton of angles to approach your concerns. Why does waving around incense feel useless? Did you not enchant it, and if so, what evidence do you have that your technique works, or does not work? How often have you tried casting spells in your untidy house versus a tidied one, and what are your rates of success for each?

Can you enter magical headspace in an untidy space? Can you do so in public if you have sufficient privacy? Can you do so in someone else's untidy house? How much practice have you put into magical techniques of connection? Have you been relying on cleaning house to shift you into magical headspace?

Anyway. I hope this all helps. Have a great night :)

[pixelnrd]

hello! ive binged your blog this past week and have been so invested and impressed with how professionally everything has been done. I particularly liked the snippets of your 'process' you've hinted at in other asks. I havent been around since the beginning so i wanted to ask what inspired you to undertake such a large project! or, rather, did you expect it to be as big as it became? each generation has 70+ daily posts, their portrait headshots, family portraits... i love it! were you trying to build an audience when you started out? was it a covid project that you had time to build a huge queue for? i think ill be starting my own narrative simblr here soon and i'd love to hear your thoughts or advice about your journey with it, if any.

Hello and thank you for such a lovely message, it's so nice to receive feedback on the quality of my Decades Challenge because I do put so much effort in behind the scenes thanks to my agonising perfectionism!

As a project it has grown beyond what I thought it would be, to a point that I had to reign it back in in early-2022 because I couldn't keep up. I'll put more detail under the cut ✨

The Langstons started as a covid project in 2020. I was an unemployed student with a lot of time on my hands. I'd done legacies before and was pretty good at getting close to the end so that was the 'project', to do the Decades Challenge. And while looking for inspiration like cc and builds etc I found simblr and discovered people were posting their Decades Challenges here with narrative attached. By this stage I'd already played a fair bit into my Langston family (they had 4 kids by that point) so I decided to start posting my sims as well, which pushed me to put a bit more effort in with shots, story, editing etc because I had imposter syndrome. I didn't intend for there to be much narrative or story, and I think that's pretty obvious when reviewing the 1890s Langstons, but it started to grow as I was posting because I wanted to give my sim characters justifications for their life paths I was sending them on... and it all kind of took off from there, as a Decades Challenge story.

Covid over 2020 and 2021 in my country forced us into hard lockdowns, and over those 2 years I had heaps of spare time for home-based hobbies - so I just kept pushing myself to keep going with my Decades Challenge for something to do. I got really into creating storylines and costuming and wanting to do the project 'justice' because of how much effort was going in and how many generations I needed to cover to finish it. Then I stared doing lookbooks, creating portraits and character pages, and then making cc (which was a fun side project).

I wanted to build an audience at the start because I wanted to gauge whether anyone was as interested in my sims as I was in others', and when I stared getting feedback and responses to my posts it was very validating and flattering, so that spurred me to keep up. I never dreamed it would get the audience it has now! It's nice being told that something you are making is good. IRL at the time, I was pretty miserable - I graduated my Masters without a job, I was trying to conceive and failing, I was lonely due to covid and lost some of the best years of my 20s - but simblr made me happy and was a distraction from those hard things and so I really poured effort into the thing that brought me happiness.

2022 and 2023 forced me to pull back from my Decades Challenge project due to pregnancy and becomming a parent. It felt very natural to drop it at the time, but since finding my groove with parenting and my new life I still want to finish this project because it's been nearly 4(!) years of effort and I'd hate to leave it so close to the end. So that's why I'm still here - in a reduced capacity to what I was in 2020 and 2021 at my peak - trying to get it done. I don't post lookbooks or do cc anymore, because I just don't have the time anymore. But everyone is so encouraging, I have made some nice friends here and I'm constantly in awe of and inspired by the sims, content and stories others are creating. There is so much more potential for historical gameplay in the years since I started my Decades Challenge - farming! horses! infants! - and I hope that my project has inspired others to have a go! That's the best legacy I could hope to leave...

[ebirdwatching]

update

hi. i know i don't post as much as i used to, and part of that has to do with my wrist. it hasn't gotten worse, but even after last year's surgery, i'm pretty much permanently limited in how much art i can make -- one big project at a time is as much as i can handle. for the past year, my one big project has been my undergrad thesis.

and it's now complete!

my thesis is an original 19-page comic in full color. it's called VITA and you can read it if you'd like. go to https://vitacomic.com/ and hit "first" or click the link below the cover here for page 1.

VITA is about a space probe that discovers something alien on a remote world. it's my second completed comic, uh, ever. i think it's cool. this blog is supposed to be for fanart but since i don't have a dedicated account for original work yet, i'm sharing the product of my huge undertaking here lol.

i just finished my degree, so i'm in a transition period now. i'd like to make art for a living, and set up some stuff online to do that. i need to figure out a way to make a sustainable living as an artist with what i guess is a disability. that means passive income, probably.

i fully intend to make more comics, which ideally would be part of that. that includes the strange journey fan project -- which, because of scope and now ability, may not be feasible to finish; i plan to at least make the introductory sequence, and i'm kicking around the idea of maybe making the rest of the story as a (free) VN. if i can do that without getting c&d'd. i'm also thinking about some other things -- i have some short-ish fancomic ideas that have been rattling around in my head. i'm also working on some other original stuff with a friend. when i have more material to share, i'll start posting it on a separate account for original art and link that here.

thanks for reading. i started this art account around when i began college and it's been cool to share my work in a space that's not fine art school, lol. i hope to post more soon :)

[thestitchesart-chive]

Nightbird's Intended Purpose

It's absolutely ridiculous how in Transformers, they built a *cough* female ninja robot and then loaded her out with weapons like shurikens and stuff and then expected her to NOT go evil like every single robot media ever. I mean, what was Dr. Fujiyama thinking? A laser sword? Buzzsaw hands????

I mean, evidently, she had to have some kind of other purpose than being a ninja robot destined to turn evil. Which is why I propose that Nightbird's original purpose, other than being a demo of modern human engineering, was to be a space maintenance droid. Well, kind of.

See, the whole show takes place in a time where humanity is kind of entering the frontiers of space- we have the Autobots establishing bases on Earth and the whole Earth Defense force that I didn't really pay attention to but all things considered, there's probably a pretty big market for interplanetary tools to help aid with rockets, a growing space force, and all that entails.

And all things considered, Nightbird has some pretty useful functions- be it a grappling hook, which definitely has use in zero gravity as a tether, magnetizable feet/tractor beam grip(?)- both of which are super useful when you need to stay attached to various surfaces, like ship hulls, and retrieve items that are just errantly floating away.

Not to mention the like, 50 other various compartments, gimmicks and multitools she has, a laser cutter (sword), ability to emit bright lights (I don't know, some kind of signal flare might be helpful if she's lost), and incredible mobility and stamina- She has some pretty incredible utility other than being a killing machine.

So it's reasonable to assume she would be useful in aiding ship docking, remote repairs, and even rescue missions as so many of these space tasks are both tedious and dangerous for humans to undertake. She could be the next step in asteroid mining, orbit cleanup, exoplanet scouting, so many possibilities! Given that she has optics, she probably was even meant to be remote-controlled by an operator from a safe location, which definitely means that her dexterity is a very, very good thing to have.

And all of this almost excuses the ninja iconography. But I guess Dr. Fujiyama is just a weirdo like that, making crazy space ninjas- you just gotta let a man have his hobbies.

[ljandersen]

whats ur status on sideways 👀? No joke i think abt it daily.

Thank you for reaching out, Anon! It means a lot to me, knowing that a story I wrote is thought about every day. I think about it every day, too, being the author! It's still the story I'm proudest to have written.

As for the status on Sideways, it currently exists as a hand-written, rough first draft stored in a fire-proof safe. It needs massive changes -- complete scene rewrites and a ton of new scenes (mostly for the paragon timeline). It's currently on my back burner while I focus on an original project.

All the adjustments I made editing the 750k words in Part 1-4 has culminated in a major undertaking editing Part 5.

For instance, the reason Shepard joins the Alliance on Rannoch is different after my changes in Part 4. Before, I didn't have a very good reason for her being there and, because of that peripheral role, she wasn't directly involved in a lot of the things happening. Now she's acting Counselor. She's front and center.

It's a good change, the right change, which is why I did it. However, now a lot of the plot-centric happenings, which were only heard about or referenced through another character, need full scenes with Shepard being impactful and altering the outcomes (much better than being a removed observer).

This will require several new scenes and throwing out old ones that are now unnecessary. Then I need to relocate any extra bits of vital information not in the new scene, to other places in the story.

In addition to whole new scenes, I need to majorily revise whole scenes. There's a party scene on Rannoch, which now the goal behind it and what Shepard is doing during it, has changed. That series of scenes need rewritten.

That example of Shep's purpose on Rannoch changing scenes downstream is just one -- and a mostly spoiler free one -- of the dozens of changes I need to accomodate.

Also, the paragon timeline in particular requires a lot of new writing, maybe 50 k words of new scenes (so, the equivalent of a full novel).

Toward the end of writing the first draft of Sideways, I was starting to get worn down. Writing four storylines sometimes made it feel like I was spending weeks going nowhere, because I wasn't moving forward in the main Renegade timeline. Because of that frustration and wanting to reach the end, I chose to focus less on the paragon timeline, knowing I would need to add more to it during the editing. I left myself with some major work to do on that storyline to do it justice.

All of those reasons aside, the main reason Sideways Part 5 isn't ready is because I shifted focus for the time being. I'm serializing an original sci fi series and trying to establish myself an author. I intended to do this after I finished posting Sideways, but with the emergence of AI, I don't think the opportunity will be there for me if I wait.

Visibility for writing is going to become impossible and slow human writers, like me, will be washed away under the tide of AI mega production. There's an influential author in the indie world, for example, who has stated his intention to produce 10k novels a year, on par with the big publishing houses. That's one person, who with a handful of contractors previously put out a few dozen books a year, if that many, who now intends to do 10k a year!

My opportunity to find readers is now, while AI is still clunky and not universal, before people selling a back catalog of 100k books and with the ad spending to match drive human writers out of the market.

Because of this new priority, I've had to funnel my creativity and focus into my original writing. I'm not someone who can do two things at once. I'm all in on one project at a time. That's probably apparent from my fanfic, where I've only posted one WIP at a time, start to finish before the next. I can't divide my passion on concurrent WIP.

That doesn't mean I don't think about Sideways though -- I do, daily! -- and I intend to finish it. For now, though, unfortunately, Sideways is a draft in some notebooks in a safe. It's not a simple undertaking to edit it, and I need to focus on a personal goal.

Your interest in Sideways is something I treasure, though, and appreciate beyond words. I'm so glad my story isn't forgotten. I love knowing it's still on readers' minds. It makes me feel like, what had so much meaning to me as its writer, truly must carry that meaning through to the reader, too, which is the greatest joy in sharing a story.

Thank you for taking time to check in on Sideways and for letting me know how much it still means to you.

Also, here is a picture of my new puppy as a tiny consolation for not having Sideways ready:

[sapphire-weapon]

Do you have a problem with Luis stealing Ada's scenes? I noticed it's a bit of a hot button topic on twitter. I think that it kinda sucks for various reasons (less screentime for Ada, AKA less screentime for one of the only girl characters), but Ada still gets her chance to save Leon once and Luis REALLY needed to do something more in the plot. I think if we do end up getting Separate Ways it'll probably smooth everything over, but really: do you think the Krauser scene would've been better with Ada? Should they have made up a new scene for Luis to be a big damn hero in?

Luis didn't "steal" Ada's anything.

This is the whole problem with RE fandom in general and the discourse that goes on here. Everyone looks at these characters like they're in competition with each other for the prize of Leon's dick, and they're fucking not.

Ada's role in the story changed -- as did Krauser's. That's what happened. The point of Ada saving Leon in OG RE4 wasn't because "omg teh ship" -- it was because it was Ada's signal to both Krauser and Leon that she's intending on betraying Wesker. That's why her line of dialogue is "Looks like we have the upper hand here" instead of something more concerned with Leon's safety.

THAT'S NOT A THING IN RE4MAKE ANYMORE.

Ada does not intend to betray Wesker at all until after Saddler is dead. And, even if that wasn't the case, Capcom seems to want to keep Wesker's involvement in the story way more of a secret this time around. We don't know if Krauser's even still working for him in this version, and Leon doesn't seem to know about him at all -- so what's the point of Ada saving Leon, really, other than ship fodder?

So, with that in mind, Capcom had one of two choices: have Krauser give up and fuck off from the fight as his own independent choice, or have someone else save Leon. The former is a really bad idea from a characterization perspective, and the only viable candidate for the latter would've been Luis.

Like. That's it. That's all there is to it. It's not that deep.

Like, sure, Ada has less screen time in the main campaign now, but she's also getting an entire DLC dedicated to her that, according to leaks, is more akin to an expansion pack than a DLC and is the biggest undertaking for post-launch story content that Capcom has ever done for RE. So anyone trying to pull a sexism card is either ignorant of Separate Ways existing, or they're trolling.

This whole discourse is so goddamn disingenuous and divorced from the reality of how writing works that it's honestly mind-boggling.

RE4's story does not begin and end with Leon's affections. This fandom really needs to pull their heads out of each other's asses every once in a while.

[fayeandknight]

I went to check out another house today and oh boy was it a doozy.

It was originally built in 1881 and I could see from the photos that it was not habitable. But it sits on a half acre in an area I'm interested in. Also I can see the charm in the bones, so to speak. Like a half circle window with built in seating, which to me shouts book nook.

I brought my dad because he's knowledgeable about construction and built our family home from scratch.

Got there and it was immediately obvious that this place is way worse than advertised. The second story all season room looks ready to fall off, there's foam patching along sections of the underside of the roof, porch looks like it'd drop you faster than you could curse, etc. It would be a massive undertaking to make it livable.

But the yard is fairly level and partially fenced in from the neighbors. It's set a decent distance from the road and has ample space from neighbors on all sides. This is big for me because I intend to board dogs (through my current job) and I don't want to piss off neighbors with barking dogs.

And while this isn't a basis to buy such a house on, something about it calls to me in a way I haven't experienced before. More on this under the cut because it's spiritual woo woo talk.

When I do a drive by, I literally drive by. I cruise through the neighborhood and take my time. But I don't go up to the house. However between this place clearly not being occupied and my dad having older white dude audacity, we got out and walked around the yard. We went all the way around the house, he pointed out a test patch where someone investigated the siding and it's layers, stomped on the dilapidated porch, and found a well with a hand crank.

At one point I was standing close to the road while he was on the porch reading orange town issued notices posted on the front door. A guy working for the house across the street stopped to stare at us. My dad gave a friendly wave, the contractor returned it, and despite my fears of the cops being called on us, nothing happened.

I thought initially this might be a place that I buy, spend a few months of heavy sweat equity on and hire a contractor or two for major things. But ultimately could make livable while continuing to fix up within three months or so. In addition to major interior work, it needs rewiring/electrical work, a plumbing overhaul, a new roof and gutters, new siding, a new porch, new windows, and most likely just tearing off the all season porch at minimum. So yeah just a fuck ton of work.

My dad and I agreed that this place was pretty far over our ability to renovate. But something makes me want to dig into it deeper anyway. While I highly doubt this place will turn into anything for me. I'm going to look into possible financing options. And I've set my dad to contacting the listing agent and the county office to see what's up.

My next step is digging into a renovation specific loan, the FHA 203k loan. Even though this place probably won't pan out I think it'll serve as a good test run of what I'd need. Cause let's be honest between the current economy and housing market, whatever I end up with will need work.

I don't typically talk about this, but I am pagan and consider myself a spiritual person. And while I don't see the mystical in the mundane everywhere, when I do I, I do.

When I hesitantly stepped onto the property I got a sense of the house. It's got a presence. Something quiet, mostly dormant, and not a little resigned to being torn down. But it's deep, having grown out from the house itself and into the ground around it. It felt like it cracked one eye half way open to regard me. It was very tired. But it also conveyed a feeling that if I restored it, it would be my house.

It would not only protect and shelter me like a good house should. But it would make sure I was happy there. It would pull on its deep connection to the land to make sure this was a place I thrived in. If I invested in it, it would invest in me with the shared goal of quiet, simple joy.

No bombastic promises of glory or great success. But a secure space to sing off tune while I bake bread. Sunny windows to dry herbs in. And love ingrained in the archways of architectures no longer in fashion.

It's not something I'm willing to use as a reason to immediately go all in on. But I'd be lying to myself if I didn't admit that it's part of the reason I'm investigating what it would take to make this place a home.

[nyehilismwriting]

Just curious, but were Sentinel and Project Hadea both intended to be IFs from the start? Or were they novels that you eventually adapted to IF format? I also recall you mentioning you had a high fantasy piece in the works - will you ever share that on here? 👀 (Sorry for the barrage of questions!! Honest to God not trying to be invasive, just feeling incredibly inquisitive during this dry spell ;~;)

sentinel was kind of a patchwork of a couple of different projects that weren't originally IFs, but then I realised would lend themselves well to the format.

hadea was absolutely conceived as an IF from the beginning (the killing rohan choice was baked in as one of the very first core concepts, before any of the characters really even had names or personalities) and I don't think would work as a novel, since the variation is a bit too entrenched. I think it would be doing a disservice to the story to make it a linear novel (which sounds pretentious but yknow), and i have sort of considered which route i would make Canon if I were to do that and not come up with an answer lol.

the novel is.....she's in developmental limbo atm, I wrote her in like 2019 and never redrafted her and there's some things I would like to change and edit but I never do... she was the first thing I wrote after probably about 10 years of not writing anything, ever, and was written in a single feverish month so i'm sure you can imagine there's. Things To Fix. but i put it down for a long time and while i occasionally pick it up again and do some little touches there is a perfectionistic part of me that thinks I'm a much better writer now and it would be better to just rewrite it from scratch, which is a big undertaking and something I don't have the time or energy for, so now it just kind of sits in my documents for me to open, sigh wistfully at, and close again.

[ren-shonen]

Returning fire: time to Be Seen friendo

"There's A Lot Going On Actually And It Can Get Messy" is a favorite genre

Likes blue as a motif color (for various symbolic reasons but if I had to pick one, maybe a hint at the ever lingering sense of feeling "blue"/lonely that they just can't shake?)

Very inspired by music, but especially lyrics

Drawn to characters who are "fishes out of water" so to speak, whether they're in a different physical environment from where they grew up, or in a new social circle/status that they're not used to having (shoutout to Rhenbraen for ending up in BOTH types at once)

Also characters who struggle with the balance between maintaining their independence and leaning on others for help/support

Symbolic 👏 Locations 👏 and/or Landmarks 👏👏 (whether for in-game screenshots like FFXIV or fanfic settings for characters to meet up at)

(Much like you did I kinda cheated for some of these since we've talked about favorite themes and motifs before but I can point to your writing entries and go "Right there, Exhibit A")

(Hello! This lovely ask prompted an absolute ramble, but since I intend to reblog this to my FFXIV blog also, I must apologize in advance for not putting this under a readmore)

A Lot Going On: You're SO right. 😅 I do like the layers, and I like peeling them back.

blue: Yes, I sure do end up with a lot of OCs with blue theming, don't I? Also, I had it pointed out once that blue shows up more than once in my BNHA fics, specifically as the color of the sky in the early morning, before sunrise. I promptly went "y'know.... huh" because I associate that time of day with having been up all night and, yeah, with a certain deep loneliness or sometimes solitude (perhaps funnily, my motif color for myself is red!)

lyrics: very yes. Especially lyrics. Almost all of my BNHA fics and FFXIV writings have a song associated with them, and several of the fics have lyric titles (as is tradition XD)

fish out of water: You're on to something here for sure, because this is true of very many of my FFXIV characters!

I suspect this may stem primarily from my enjoyment of Putting Characters in Situations that they then have to deal with, and being far from home and the familiar is a great way to do that. FFXIV's setting also makes it easy (practically necessary) to do this with any character whose lore origins place them outside of Eorzea, since they'd have to have a reason to travel there. As a result, I often employ it as a plot device to "shake things up" — like the most minor version of the isekai trope, perhaps. So I'd say it's less "drawn to" and more "tend to deliberately engineer," lol!

It may amuse you to know that Rhenbraen actually was very firmly embedded in their home environment for a BIG initial chunk of their story, and trying to figure out how to maneuver things so they would leave it was a major undertaking. (They were so stuck. SO stuck.)

...arguably, "being forced out of one's home environment" in my writing is usually a spur toward growth and positive change, even if it comes with significant growing pains.

Relatedly, I do have a personal theme of "you can't go home again" that shows up for almost all of my OCs, even the ones who have literally returned to their home environments.

I'm not sure if this also shows up in my BNHA stuff. I think there, it's more general sense of the world changing around the characters, and changing the characters, too? of time continuing and bringing with it new circumstances and situations, some of which are painful? Like Izuku having to confront being touch-starved for the first time when he moved into the dorms ("Distance and Weight"), which is a not-uncommon teenage/young adult experience. Now that I think about it, that's a good example of the second type you talked about (different social circumstance).

independence/support: oooh that's a fun one to ponder. (I wonder if I have any characters who lean toward the be-supported side? Maybe Renan? Zedyr?) Definitely shows up as a prominent theme in my BNHA stuff, though, at least on the "trouble asking for help" side. *cough*Izuku*cough*

landmarks: ooh interesting one. You know, this one actually is a bit personal/about me as the writer, even if I'm not totally sure it reaches beyond Rhenbraen's symbolic attachment to the Lominsan lighthouse (have to think about that one! but it feels right....) I'll message you to tell you more about the specifics. :D

[devilofthehounds]

God Eater 3 Character Novel | In the Name of the White Flower: Chapter 8

[image id: A novel cover. Hilda Henriquez from God Eater 3 stands in the foreground. In the background are profile shots of Abraham Gadolin (top left) and Werner Gadolin (bottom right). Separating the two are a pair of red armlets, streaks of dried blood overlaid on top of them. The text, when translated into English, reads, “God Eater 3 Character Novel | Chapter 5: Hilda Edition | In the Name of the White Flower”. /end id]

This is a fan translation. Original text here.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

A few years passed.

Hard work had taken its toll on my father, and he died shortly after the First Ashlands Conquest Operation.

Numerous inventions, such as the resonance radar, essential for conquering the Ashlands.

Thanks to his efforts, my father had amassed an incredible fortune.

And without telling me, it seemed my father had gone through all the proper channels to pass his assets on to me.

In his will, my father expressed regret for not being able to properly face his family. He also expressed his wish for me to use the assets bequeathed to me for the benefit of humanity.

Typical of my father to write his will not for his own benefit, but for that of all humanity.

But that one incident marked a major turning point for me.

In northern Europe, cruel experiments continued to be conducted on children. AGEs were forced to undertake grueling missions day and night.

It was becoming difficult for me to protect them while living under Gleipnir's protection.

And so, I decided to become independent of them.

I immediately spent the bulk of my father's inheritance in the purchase of a small satellite base on the frontier.

A place where fleeting memories remained, where we once spoke of our dream.

I renovated the devastated base into a Port.

At the same time, using my connections in Gleipnir, I managed to obtain a newly constructed Ash Crawler, albeit through somewhat illegal means.

It was equipped with another inheritance from my father: the latest in resonance radar technology.

However, I had been unable to arrange for a navigator to operate it, so its range of effectiveness was severely restricted.

Steadily, I procured everything I needed.

It might have been a small act of resistance, out of step with the times.

But I intended to create a utopia where children would no longer need to live in fear.

I continued to believe wholeheartedly that my wish wasn't wrong.

As if reaching for the dream I once held, I kept moving forward.

And so, a single flower bloomed in the world.

"I-I didn't think you'd come out in person..."

It happened not long before my Port was completed.

The first visitor arrived at the entrance.

"Congratulations on the completion of your Port, Hilda. I wished to deliver my regards in person. I am certain you will manage this Port well."

The visitor was none other than Abraham Gadolin.

When I heard the news, I was completely floored.

"Thank you for your kind words. ...So, what can I do for you today?"

He couldn't have come just to say hello.

It was quite possible he was already attempting to pressure us into placing ourselves within Gleipnir's jurisdiction.

Clamping down on my nerves, I waited for the governor-general to speak.

"I came here today because I wished to discuss a business matter with you, Hilda."

"Business?"

"According to Ashland Navigation Law, when an AGE is transferred from one Port to another, mediation by Gleipnir is required. Thus, things will go much more smoothly with my presence."

"Transferring an AGE? ...I'm sorry, I don't understand."

I couldn't even hazard a guess as to what he was getting at.

After a short while, an AGE walked in.

The girl had pure white hair. She wore a thick blindfold that completely blocked out her vision.

For a moment, I wondered who she was.

"...It's been a long time, Big Sis Hilda."

My heart leapt at the sound of her voice.

The small smile on her face brought back vivid memories.

"...Iris, is that you?"

"You remembered me... I'm so glad."

I couldn't hide my confusion as the girl in front of me let out a sigh of relief.

Governor-General Gadolin stepped forward and calmly explained the situation.

"After taking the aptitude test, she fell into a coma until just the other day. After she awoke, she constantly worried over your safety. From what I've heard, the two of you have known each other for a long time."

"So then... You really...?"

"Yep. I'm not a ghost or anything like that. I'm alive... I'm here."

An inexpressible feeling filled my heart.

How many times had I been saved by her smile, tucked within my heart?

That smile was now right in front of me, reminding me once again of its blinding light.

But that blindfold... No, it couldn't be—

"It's okay, big sis. I can't see anymore, but... it's strange. I can sense my surroundings much more strongly than before. So please, don't make that face."

Perhaps becoming an AGE had made her senses even sharper.

"She possesses outstanding resonance ability. Although she cannot be deployed on the front lines as an AGE, she has shown incredible aptitude for resonance radar operation. She has also excelled in her training at Gleipnir."

At the governor-general's prompting, Iris's restraints were released.

"I have heard that you are suffering from a shortage of navigators. I wish to entrust her to your Port as an investment from Gleipnir into your future endeavors."

The governor-general's expression was unreadable.

Certainly, it was due to the governor-general's thoughtfulness that I was able to be reunited with Iris.

But this child was a victim of the dawn of AGEs.

For the future of humanity. For the sake of those words, we turned a blind eye to this child.

I wasn't quite sure how to feel about Iris, here and now.

Or perhaps my feelings were already being conveyed to her.

"I thought it best for her to be placed in your care. Might I trust you in this?"

"...Yes. Thank you very much, Governor-General."

"...I have no right to say this, but... I sincerely hope that this Port can become the utopia you once told me about, Hilda."

I bowed to the governor-general as he leisurely took his leave, then quickly embraced the newly freed Iris.

However, she didn't return my embrace.

"...So then, Big Sis Hilda, where would you like to go? I'll take you anywhere you want. From now on, I'll be your eyes."

Iris spoke so calmly.

Although she still wore a smile on her face, her words lacked her usual enthusiasm.

What had Iris been told when she woke up? What had her thoughts been coming here?

As those questions floated through my mind, I couldn't help but feel anxious.

"...Iris, are you really okay with this?"

"Yeah. After all, this is all I'm good for now."

Those servile words, so unlike her, sent a dull pain through my chest.

"Your orders, Big Sis Hilda? I don't mind dying for you."

"Iris, that's...!"

"This is my role as the survivor. So please, don't be sad. I... I'm okay with this."

Faced with the death of her family, she was devastated by loneliness.

Even this child, stronger and kinder than anyone else, had lost sight of the value of her own life.

I wanted to rebuke her words, tell her she was wrong.

But I knew pleas driven by guilt wouldn't reach her at this point.

What could I do to restore her heart?

"...That's not true, Big Sis Iris."

At that moment, I suddenly heard a voice from behind me.

Before I had even realized, Amy stood there, tears in her eyes.

"Do you remember? When we first met, you told me stories about a utopia."

Over the past few years, Amy had continued to work with the children and finally regained her ability to speak.

Having filled her heart with so much kindness, she now gently embraced Iris, standing in the dark.

"You said we'd live happily together in a place where there was nothing to fear, right? Miss Hilda built this Port to make that dream come true."

Amy gently returned the feelings she had inherited until now to Iris.

"I'm here because you helped me back then. So now... it's my turn to help you."

"Are you... from back then...?"

"Yes. There are so many things I want to say to you now that we're both here, in the place we dreamed of. But first... I want to fulfill my promise."

Amy gently took Iris's hand.

"My name... is Amy Chrysanthemum!"

There was no doubt it was the first miracle of this Port.

The moment when the light of bonds shined in shadowed eyes.

I was able to witness that moment once again.

"Chr... Chrysanthemum..."

Iris's tears spilled out from behind her thick blindfold.

"...Iris, can you sense it? It's still far from finished, but this Port is undoubtedly the stage of the dream we envisioned back then."

That much I could say with unwavering confidence.

Port Chrysanthemum.

We had finally arrived at the place where it all began.

"This Port houses an orphanage as well. Just like before, there are many orphaned children and abandoned AGEs living there."

As I spoke, I took Iris's other hand.

"In order to protect those living in this Port, I'm thinking of investing in various business ventures. I have no intention of accepting dangerous missions like the ones you heard about in Gleipnir... not unless it's good pay, anyway."

Next to me, Amy giggled. I smiled as well.

"Iris, I'm certain you'll be able to empathize with the hearts of the children here. I'd like you to work with us as leader of the orphanage."

"B-But I'm supposed to be your navigator—"

"Yes. Right now, we're lacking in that department. The reality of the situation is that we have no choice but to rely on you. So, not as an AGE, but as a member of this Port's family, I would like you to lend us your strength."

I squeezed Iris's hand as she gasped.

"The decision is yours, Iris. Choose based on your own will, not based on someone else's orders."

"B-But..."

"Then let me put it this way. ...Iris, I want you to join our family again. I want you to pursue this dream with us, just like before."

Both Amy and I nodded, conveying our sincere feelings to Iris.

To once again paint that dream on the canvas of the heart painted over by reality.

I earnestly reached out to her heart, more sensitive than anyone else's.

"...Thank you. Big sis, Amy..."

Eventually, Iris removed her blindfold with her free hands.

Stretching her arms as if spreading her wings, Iris gazed upon the Chrysanthemum emblem overhead.

"...Right. Okay! Big Sis Hilda, Amy, leave the navigation to me! I'll take you anywhere in the world!"

Her words resonated through the Port like a warm tailwind.

Iris would be our wings. That made me happier than anything else.

"Yes, let's prepare for departure!"

Maybe we could reach it now.

A remnant of our former dream I wished to welcome to this Port.

To the person who once protected our dream, who now fought aimlessly in the Ashlands.

An old frontline base for God Eaters, overlooking a huge lake.

There he was.

Sitting there with a vacant expression on his face, he looked even more haggard than he had back then.

"...It's been a while, Ricardo Sforza."

Ricardo's eyes widened as I called out to him. He let out an exasperated chuckle.

"Hahaha... Guess my time's finally come. I'm even starting to dream up visions of an angel..."

With those words, Ricardo once again stared into nothing.

"...Ricardo, I'll get straight to the point. I want to recruit you. Would you like to come work for my Port?"

Ricardo glared at me for a few seconds, then snorted.

"Did you really come all this way just to crack a joke?"

"I've taken a look at your history. ...It's an invasion of privacy, I know. Sorry."

What had happened before we met at the satellite base that day?

Why had he been so determined to defend the base?

Now I understood.

"You're quite talented. There's no one more qualified for the job. I'd like you to lend us your strength."

"...Is this pity, Hilda?"

Ricardo, not even bothering to get up, turned to me with a gloomy look.

"If pointless memories are what ail you, then leave me alone. ...I've had enough of dazzling dreams."

Ricardo's voice was hoarse as he continued.

"If you're so set on bringing that dream to life... find someone else to help you paint it."

Memories of those days, when I chased my dreams without a single doubt, came flooding back to me.

The person who had been by my side, chasing that same dream, was no longer there.

Recently, there had been a series of incidents in which various caravans had been attacked by unknown forces, and AGEs who had been mistreated had gone missing.

The identity of the mastermind remained unknown.

However, I was certain I knew the identity of this nameless hero.

He still wandered in darkness, tormented by his past.

We no longer shared the same path.

But if the name of Chrysanthemum could reach him, even for a moment, within that unapproachable darkness.

If that name could evoke a cool breeze within his heart, then there was surely meaning in the steps I was taking.

"It's not an ailment, Ricardo. It's hope."

As he sat there, helpless, I offered him my hand.

My hope was that those who shared the same dream, even if just for a moment, would never again fall into darkness.

"Come with me. I'll show you that dream once again. But this time, it won't be just a dream. It'll be a place where you can live, with a family you must protect."

I knew the offer was heavy-handed.

Still, I didn't want to regret not reaching out.

I desperately hoped that he would take my hand.

That he would take a step forward and shatter the walls around his heart.

"In order to reach that utopia, I'll need as many allies as possible. With you at my side, I'm certain we can reach it. I want you to join me in realizing that dream once again."

His clouded eyes lit up faintly.

Just like back then.

"...You're the same as ever, huh?"

"That's right. My goal hasn't changed. This time... we'll reach it."

Ricardo looked down at his hand, covered in scars.

Then he squeezed his eyes shut, as if thinking back on distant memories.

"This time, huh..."

The next moment, Ricardo placed his hand in mine.

"A utopia, eh? ...I'm on board. Guess it's not my time after all."

"Ricardo..."

Ricardo smiled sheepishly as I helped him up.

His tired expression, the kindness in his eyes, the warmth of his hands. They were all the same as they were back then.

"Just don't get your hopes up, okay? After all, I'm just a humble God Eater..."

"Thank you. And don't worry, I have plenty of work for you."

"Hahaha! Alright, then. Let's have some fun."

I placed both my hands on Ricardo's and smiled.

After so long, my dream seemed to take on color once again.

"Switching to departure sequence."

Sitting on the bridge of the Ash Crawler, I gazed upon my dependable crew.

"Erm... Energy flow from the main accumulator has been established... Um, Hilda, what does this mean by 'sealing the ash bulkhead'?"

"Mister Ricardo, if you don't understand, I can take care of it."

"Really? Even though you're so young, you're pretty reliable, Miss Amy. Next, let's activate the hull bias field barrier... Huh?"

"I-I'll just take care of that, too..."

"Eheheh, you're like a fish out of water, Mister Ricardo. Will you really be okay?"

Iris and Amy laughed as they teased him. Ricardo smiled apologetically as he scratched his cheek.

"Hoo boy... I thought since there were so many lovely ladies on this ship, it'd be a utopia, but things are a bit stifling. Did I board the right ship?"

"You're not throwing in the towel just yet, are you, Ricardo? I told you up front, we have no time to dawdle."

"Haha, I'm ready. I have no intention of making you regret your decision."

It felt as though we'd finally reached the starting line.

We'd overcome the past and gathered together the shattered pieces of our dream.

From here, we'd once again take flight toward the future.

I was certain this was the right choice.

"All systems are reading green. The Chrysanthemum is ready to depart."

"Where to next, Big Sis Hilda?"

My irreplaceable family looked back at me.

In response to their affectionate smiles, I stood up.

"Let's return to Port Chrysanthemum. ...No doubt our family eagerly awaits our return."

To join hands in laying the foundation for our new future.

"Ash Crawler Chrysanthemum... casting off!"

We continued to pave the way forward.

[the-firebird69]

We have confirmation that the person is heading there and that they're going to pick it up. We certainly hope so. It's worth a lot of money to us it's an area we know the intend I'm doing with it and we do we will stop them

-what these people doing is really peckerhead stuff they are messing with him Non-Stop and they're saying that the greatest and what to do is just to dumb s*** and they ruin your sauce so we're into into it legal cell we don't like what they're doing and we're not going to put up with it and yeah a lot of people are s*** is we have a few other things we're going to talk about it but have to tell you this is a whole bunch of people out here who are just as dumb as it comes

-for a couple other events going on today one of them is pretty big and it is the start of another conflict and it is about the Giants it has become a war between them and they're fighting each other tooth and nail we didn't expect it to become that big because it's hard to see them if not impossible but they say they're fighting over the clay and we agree and that's probably what it is a whole bunch of them tested it and they found out that it's real and they want to use it on ships and they are thinking of making big panels cutting them to fit and bringing them up and installing them just like everything else but it is an incredible find they said these things are intense and they tried sticking them together to a whole bunch of different ways finally they applied heat I said you can't get anything in there to heat it with so they are going to use that s*** they're going to use me already and yeah it's a bug bit him a little bit and there's a few around panda the guy may have known about it is distracting her son to have the bug crawl up on him that's how they are so in the process of sitting down and money is own business they will not leave him alone we have to go after them now

This war over Giants is incredibly big there's several people in it who are very rude the losers and they don't deserve to have anything and yet they're demanding to have these Giants and their demanding to have the clay nonstop by the way and they're not giving it a rest it is a matter of time before things happen differently since I don't think it bit me I think I'm just itchy from it crawling around and we noticed something it may not have done that which is good but couple of things but this is a massive massive battle now there's a huge huge undertaking and it's going to be probably something that takes out tons of them and it is going on now other news

-there's a bunch of flipping people here who are really rude and obnoxious and they want everything for free it's terrifyingly bad but that's the way it's going we have several people here who are not going to make it because of their rudeness and we are notifying people did they need out

-her son went to the appointment he got a new one he got the medicine send it's it's out and you paid for the receipt and he is well fed and waiting at the grocery store so far successful day not too many things this had a lot of insults and threats and yeah they do add up other people are watching and they are willing to do things to people for it is a moment coming up where we will have a couple of minutes before he has to leave and we will do some more announcements

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues

You should be there so people are also we're looking around don't really see you I get that

Hera

[frogsandfries]

Oh-kaayyyy

So there's a semi-annual inspection on my weekend. Is this legal? I'm not on section eight..... Anyway, I figured it wouldn't entirely kill me to clean up a bit now and I can do some more--like beginning to vacuum--over the next couple days. Like, no way in hell am I taking my recyclables out. I just put on my slipper socks; it's dark outside and it was cold earlier when I was returning my stupid fucking router.

Plus, my place never gets like......hoarder gross, just like, this person lives here and has ferrets for cats.

Anyway, I finally, finally got the goddamn stupid fucking router to work. So I finally downloaded the blogs I would most be sad to lose.

Uuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm

I didn't realize that basically, it tears the blogs apart and then if you want them put together, like in a book I would imagine......... you have to manually find a way to put that shit back together. Also, a blog as big as frogsandfries presently is (22,156 before this post)............at least on this laptop, isn't downloading nicely.....and also, would be someone's life's work to reconstruct. Sooooooooooo that's fun. Imagine you could cram an average of just like, 1.5 posts per page......I'm imagining a 5x8 book, because that's like, a normal book size.....a book of just this blog would be gargantuan. Or just a ridiculous number of volumes.

Also, does anyone else just think about the.....just overwhelming quantities of information they've created? Like, here I am undertaking turning someone else's life's work--thousands of pages of handwriting and typewriting--and not even thinking about the mountains of Me that I'm leaving behind. I mean, there are the books that I'm binding, preserving parts of the internet archive of fanfiction; stories that people wrote, openly admitting that they were inspired by someone else. And then there are the gigabytes of just photos that saved to my google cloud (not counting all the pictures I either lost or got posted to a blog and have been buried). I've already planned to put all my pictures from google into photo books. I've already planned to print them on some kind of glossy paper.

And this is just information from the past ten or so years.

What about moving forward? I have at least another three to five decades of life expectancy, and I don't see myself being any less generative. I'm still going to keep screenshotting wild things I find on the internet, I'm still going to keep gathering studies and references. Honestly, a book of just things that inspire me or that I would stick to a pinboard so that I can see them would probably be a whole book. My cats will probably get their own book. I'm going to keep logging and showing off the things that I create. I'm going to occasionally need to journal my thoughts.

I'm just trying to picture all of these honestly, what should be impossible amounts of information that we all produce on a daily basis. And for better or for worse, one day, the sands of time will just.....wipe it away. The first to vanish will be the things that were never preserved offline. And who am I, really, to cling to an opportunity for some form of immortality? I mean, apart from a person who is having these.....big, tiny, existential thoughts.

Anyway. I kinda started to do a 'strangers in my home' clean on my apartment. I never did end up finishing those 'colors of the sky' notebooks........ I have so many big projects..... I want to finally, one, crack the Darger texts and turn it into something that is.....what's the word that I'm looking for here.... I intend to probably post it to something like AO3 and maybe even post it to like, Amazon or some other PoD site for people to request at their leisure. I want to make it something accessible and malleable. Like, you definitely could download it totally for free yourself off of AO3, and print it on the paper of your choosing--or you can go the convenience route. Not that I even remotely expect any kind of notoriety for doing this. I'm just doing it because it calls to me.

Maybe then I can finally turn my attention to archiving and preserving my internet existence.

I put up those lights I've been mumbling about. I was having an issue with my internet which is really the only reason I left my home instead of being at work. My phone is dead rn, but it's really cool. It was gloomy today, but this strip of lights lights up the space like daylight. I really can't get over it and I'm so eager to buy probably my final set of lights for over the couch.

I'm also thinking about purchasing more jars, maybe in a few different sizes, for these fairy lights, and probably finding a way to pin a few jars of lights to the wall, for a bit of ambient lighting.

Also, I think this is my last random rambly thought, but if you have the patience, apparently you can just kinda one-fell-swoop download all your photos off your google cloud???? I probably won't do this unless I can muster enough self-control to save for a hard-drive because......can you even imagine downloading that much information all at once??

I really ought to at least pick at that project once in a while.

[captainkurosolaire]

Ambition Restored

With month one nearly at a closure. Nearly wrapping up month 2 behind the veil, which has proven my greatest task yet. When I decided to dedicate myself to a year, I was going to pressure myself and force myself not only to stick into discipline but really push myself so I could find a next level. Luckily and proudly, I'm show just that. ...Although there must always be more. So I will continue to up the ante, every month, pushing myself into further creative difficulties and obstacles to overcome. This month worked on doing 7 Collabs, so one-week it'll just be that, I've just two left to really workout, the theme I'll just leave it's something with history. But I've got 300+ creative set's and days ahead, so most likely, I'll be out to nab more people should there be an interest to feature in these undertaking, putting all my energy into making art and as usual, tell a story. Not with words this time, just with emotion.

I've hit a new level, but that doesn't mean I can slouch. Now I've even more than ever, a goal again. I know exactly where I can improve in and that's half the battle. I've also a theory if works, It'll let me up another level, but in-order to get that and actually be efficient, I'm aiming at Month 7. But at this pace, It's plausible, I can hit it much sooner. Month 1, was all over the place. Mainly getting things back in-order, so chaos was the theme there. And despite leaving Month 2 sort of vague, I'm just going to announce the theme's up to Month 6. Month 3 Oct - Spooky / Horror / Cosplay / Pop-Culture Theme (like last year) Month 4 Nov - Pirate Theme Month 5 Dec - Festive Winter (Probably heavy collab.) Month 6 Jan - One-Shot I most likely also intend on doing a month just Modless. But I think one-shot will be a lot more difficult since I like telling stories, multiple shots, poses, stuff will be limited and restricted. I'll have to tell it all in one big picture and telling things often too short, is my huge flaw since I prefer working in consistent droves and in-depth, I've way too much to say and that's not always a good thing. So, I'll need to maximize the background. I can't sleaze my way out of it and this will force me to improve on my weaknesses. But if that proves actually fairly easy, I'll probably put writing alongside it, poetry and such. Also thinking about putting crew's in each four season's, as a group-set a huge undertaking thing as like the pen-ultimate coverage. If I get quicker at the draw and faster, might do-it. Swan-Song is what I named this Challenge. Often referred to as the last beautiful song a swan makes, before its end or that was always the whole legend, but many have used it before their retirement. Am I signalling this is my goodbye? Not in my idea. For me, it's about performing as if this was my last time alive, to be as proactive, to make sure I live every single note, to an unforgettable symphony. Leave nothing short-of-change, attempt not to be anything less but find a way to push myself to reach the best product of myself! So It's why I'll reach out. I talk more. I tell you what I value, your undeniable importance. I attempt to build up, what you've rejuvenated in me, restored! Raise up showcase, become more vocal and active. -- ALIVE. ...And to many whose sick of already my activity, I'm afraid, I'm just going to get even more active soon if you think this was it. With every spare energy, I hold, I will channel it as a conduit that will work to serve towards others. For in this world of creativity it's a battle to maintain it to chase and be aspired, to continue onward, to not lose passion.

11 Month's left. Then I quite possibly will leave and only then. But there's always that chance I could encore or stick around. It all depends and I don't know all the variables of the future entirely. Plans change and so do situations, but to have ambition again, to thrive for something... That's the biggest thing, I was missing and that accompanied with passion... It's so dangerous. Because... there's something I'm after at the end of not only this artificial challenge. I still will need one more, XIVWrite done. Full into completion. And while I wasn't among the first one, and only completed 2018 and 2021, to write and create and put it all into one thing has always been my favorite thing. Every skill, I acquire, is for that and to further my writing and other things. Largely in-order to give that last XIVWrite a jump, I need to advance what I lack in and GPOSE/Gif's, I'm not even remotely close to where I need for it and that has ached and disheartened me because every year, I watch it dwindle away from obscurity. Ideally this challenge corrects me, brings every bit of my buried brilliance out as a solution. Although it's just one-last XIVWrite on my bucket-list. There's still so many arcs, writing, sagas, I've to write too. So... who knows? Maybe one year, I do a challenge like this but all nonstop-writing so I can properly finish it, but writing is always been something I want to be put my best to do and it's why I study much about history, I learn every form of literature style, self-teach and overcome all my mental and physical health issues and transform them into becoming near-non-existent. I appreciate it more than all other creative outlets for myself because it truly was the origin to giving me a second-life.

I'm eagerly going to look forward to this year's XIVWrite and although I won't be participating, I know everyone else will further fuel me and remind me just how much I love it too and I look forward to hoisting those things when for night-time shares. Personally, I know by starving myself. The better it'll be for me when I properly return. Outside some occasion set writing, poems, asks, and maybe polish up and give my Budokai 3 I have drafted, I'll probably remain quite recluse. Cause I know by dieting away and disciplining myself, mentally from something you so desperately enjoy, it'll make me much better and sharper.

Man... see what I mean, I'm screwed when comes to one-shot. O_O To wrap this up. I'll be making a shorter post, probably calling out people if they want to attend a collab, I may wait for my other collabs to be shown Next Month probably in mid, so people understand what they kind of look like in-early advance. Probably Month 2, may get more Reblog heavy with Gems/Otherworldly Writers --- On Gems stuff might be less tag dialogue unless I know people more and know they're chill with me gushing on them. But I've got my ambition back, so thank you hearties for it. I greatly missed it.

You have my undying gratitude and love.

Cheers.

[madara-fate]

If Kishimoto really wants people to believe that Sasuke loves Sakura and that they have such a good marriage then he's doing a piss poor job at it. You don't see people arguing if Minato loved Kushina or not or if Dan loved Tsunade or not. You don't. The fact that there are so many people arguing whether Sasuke loves Sakura or not, and many people believing he doesn't is just proof that Kishimoto failed somewhere or else there wouldn't be this much controversy surrounding this matter. It's either Kishimoto implying Sasuke does not love her, either Kishimoto intending to portray his idea of a good realtionship/loving husband through SS and failing miserably. Sasuke did not look happy when he saw Sakura in Gaiden first time after 10 years of absence. He couldn't even bother to send a letter to her and Sarada to let them know he was alright and thinking about them during this period. And no, please don't come at me with that bullshit excuse that he didn't keep in contact because he wanted to keep the secrecy of his mission and did not want any private information to leak and that's why he was only keeping in contact with the Hokage or whatever. No one says that if he ever bothered to write them he had to go into details about his mission. He could've just told them he's alright, that he misses them and hopes they're fine and that would've been great too and wouldn't have compromised his mission in any way. The man has space time abilities for fuck's sake. He could've easily teleported to see them and then go back to his business. In my opinion Kishimoto wrote SS in this ambiguous way to appease both the SS haters and the SS shippers. He knew SS fans were going to be happy with whatever he threw at them even if it was the absolute bottom of the barrel and he knew the antis were gonna have a good time using Gaiden to further tear the ship apart. This man is either terrible at writing romance either a huge troll who enjoys pitying his readers against each other. Or maybe both. And I assure you, I don't even hate SS, despite what I have written so far, nor do I ship something else. And Sasuke is also my favorite character. I'm indifferent to this pairing and maybe that's why I can have a more objective opinion on it than its shippers or its haters since I'm not biased due to personal feelings of either distaste or love for it. SS can be seen in both a good and a bad light, but to be honest the balance is more inclined towards the bad light.

This is just more of the stuff that I've heard plenty of times before. I'll firstly preface this by saying that I'm very highly critical of Gaiden because it included pointless drama for the sake of pointless drama. It's execution was horrendous to say the least, but I'll always still appreciate the message that Kishi was trying to relay. However, I will always take issue with those who defend the notion that Sasuke doesn't love Sakura. Hence, the following.

You don't see people arguing if Minato loved Kushina or not or if Dan loved Tsunade or not. You don't. The fact that there are so many people arguing whether Sasuke loves Sakura or not, and many people believing he doesn't is just proof that Kishimoto failed somewhere or else there wouldn't be this much controversy surrounding this matter.

Minato wasn't drowning in hatred due to a supernatural phenomenon which cause him to push away love in favour of the darkness. Dan wasn't made to undertake a preposterously long mission while intending to keep everything about it confidential. Why on earth do people think they can just compare any random relationships to SS's and go "well look at this couple! Why couldn't SS have been more like them?". Well here's your answer - Because their situations were nothing alike. But why do people constantly believe that those relationships are the only models for what a loving relationship can be? The struggles that Sasuke and Sakura faced during Gaiden were not due to issues with each other, but rather, they were shown facing hurdles which they overcame together. They were perfectly happy with each other, and not once did their dedication to one another ever falter during Sasuke's mission. Just because the couple faced hard times does not mean their bond is any weaker. On the contrary, the fact they they faced those hard times together and came out of them just as strong if not stronger than before, is a testament to the strength of the relationship.

You wanna know what I don't see? I don't see people questioning Neji and Hinata's relationship despite Neji trying to kill her during the Chuunin Exams. I don't see people questioning Hiashi's feelings towards Hinata despite essentially disowning her because he deemed her to be a failure. I don't see people questioning Gaara being the Kazekage despite him previously being feared as a killing machine who slaughtered many innocent people, by the very same villagers who now respect him as their leader. I don't see people questioning why Kabuto was trusted to become the head of the Orphanage and taking care of the future of the village, despite being a notorious war criminal. No, but of course people will question SS right? Despite them just being another example of the same theme.

It's either Kishimoto implying Sasuke does not love her, either Kishimoto intending to portray his idea of a good relationship/loving husband through SS and failing miserably.

Kishi flat out said, that the love between the Uchiha family is the real deal. He's not implying anything, and if he truly failed at depicting this, then SS wouldn't have consistently proven to be the most popular canonised pairing for years following the manga's ending.

Sasuke did not look happy when he saw Sakura in Gaiden first time after 10 years of absence.

And you think that's indicative that he doesn't love her? Are you serious? The entire time, Sasuke was very clearly shown to be aggravated because people who weren't supposed to be at his and Naruto's secret meeting place kept showing up. He didn't look happy when first meeting Naruto either, despite not seeing him for just as long. So what? You think that means he doesn't care about Naruto either? He was aggravated that Sarada was there because she was supposed to be in the village safe from all this, he was annoyed with Naruto for allowing the kids to follow him in the first place, and yeah, he didn't jump for joy when seeing Sakura because again, she was meant to be watching over Sarada in the village. One of the biggest incentives for his secrecy was to keep Sarada safe, and everything that was happening then, was the opposite of that.

He couldn't even bother to send a letter to her and Sarada to let them know he was alright and thinking about them during this period. And no, please don't come at me with that bullshit excuse that he didn't keep in contact because he wanted to keep the secrecy of his mission and did not want any private information to leak and that's why he was only keeping in contact with the Hokage or whatever. No one says that if he ever bothered to write them he had to go into details about his mission. He could've just told them he's alright, that he misses them and hopes they're fine and that would've been great too and wouldn't have compromised his mission in any way.

You can call it a "bullshit excuse" all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that this is the reason that was given. But it's like people just refuse to acknowledge the fact that Sasuke admitted that he had made a big mistake, and refused to allow Sakura to apologise because he knew that he was the one at fault:

I mean what? Do people think that Sasuke has to be perfect or something? Is he not a human who makes mistakes just like everyone else? Sasuke knew that he took his secrecy too far, he hadn't anticipated the adverse affects his absence would have on Sarada, and he apologised for his mistake. Why? Because he cares, for goodness sake it's not hard to comprehend. I seriously would have never thought that people would actually question whether or not he loves his family. Why would Kishi promote a loveless marriage in his manga aimed at young boys? It just boggles the mind. If Sasuke didn't care about them, he wouldn't have thought he did anything wrong by his lack of contact with his daughter. I emphasise with his daughter because Sakura was still somewhat in contact with Sasuke as she was kept informed of what he was doing.

In my opinion Kishimoto wrote SS in this ambiguous way to appease both the SS haters and the SS shippers.

Why would Kishi care about appeasing the same fans who harassed him so badly following the manga's conclusion, that his editior had to respond in broken English and basically tell those entitled children that the story doesn't belong to them? I'll reiterate that there's nothing "ambiguous" about their relationship, nor is Kishi implying anything. Gaiden made it crystal clear, that the love between the Uchiha family is the real deal, there's nothing ambiguous about that statement, there's nothing ambiguous about Sasuke giving Sakura the forehead poke, and there's nothing ambiguous about Sasuke flat out clarifying that his heart is connected to Sakura's.