#and i have like 10 90 minute blank tapes

[eisthenameofme]

I have acquired. Tape recorder

[misslilli]

Thank you to the lovelies who are still here ❤️

Felix Felicis

MSR. AU. PG-13. | tagging @today-in-fic | read on AO3

Chapter 22 - B Is For Basketball

[ DS ]

October has faded into November, pumpkin-spiced latte has been replaced by peppermint mocha and plans for Thanksgiving break have been secured, my mom beside herself with joy that Bill Jr. will be returning from his assignment overseas just in time for the holidays.

At school, we’ve made paper turkeys for our window decorations in school, and slowly, I’m beginning to get into the holiday spirit myself. I stay late on this Friday afternoon to put the finishing touches on the turkeys, cutting out paper candy corn and taping everything to the insides of the windows that line our classroom. ‘Looks pretty good, the kids finally got the hang of cutting paper along the lines neatly.’

I exchange my heels for my gym sneakers after a long day, grab my book bag and head out, locking the door behind me. The eery calm of an empty school building soothes me and I turn out the lights of our hallway. When I look out into the school yard, I notice that someone has left on the lights in our gym and I roll my eyes. That someone might have been me forgetting after my lesson today, so I cross the yard quickly to turn them off before I head home.

When I enter the gym, though, I freeze at the top of the bleachers. The floor is empty safe for one Fox Mulder, dribbling a basketball and shooting hoops. I know I should just turn around and leave him to it, but I just can’t help watching, slack-jawed, as the muscles of his back ripple under that tight t-shirt. It’s not often that I get to watch him without getting caught, so I allow myself to stare for just a little bit longer, heart hammering in my chest.

I only realize that my hands have gone limp when my keys hit the floor with a deafening crash and I almost jump out of my skin. ‘Run! Move! Now!’ My legs are not cooperating, damn them, and I see to my horror that he whips around and spots me standing on top of the bleacher’s stairs.

“Jesus, Scully! You trying to kill me?” ‘Those damn forearms of yours are what’s killing me…’

His surprised expression morphs into a smile. “Skinner said it’s okay if I used the gym for practice in the winter. What are you still doing here?”

“Uh... I was hanging turkeys … and I noticed the light on … and I thought that I had left them on after my lesson … and yeah…” ‘Stop rambling, you idiot!’

Now he’s grinning even wider and I can tell he’s going to tease me mercilessly. In my head, I start a list of ‘10 things I hate about you.’

“Didn’t know you hang your own turkey for Thanksgiving dinner, Scully, that’s pretty badass of you!” ‘I want to smack that smirk off your pretty face right now, how’s that for badass?’

I roll my eyes at him and he has the audacity to look incredibly pleased with himself. “Have you ever shot a three-pointer, Scully?” ‘What now?’ I take a moment to contemplate what to say next.

“No. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m only a few inches taller than a yardstick, so I guess I have found more necessary things to do with my time than fail at basketball.”

He jerks his head holding up the basketball. “Get over here, Scully.” The tone in his voice makes my skin tingle.

I’m almost 100 percent sure he thinks I won’t do it, but I won’t give him the satisfaction of backing out now, so instead of shooting him down, I walk down the stairs slowly until I’m standing in front of him. I have to tip my head pretty far back to give him a blank look and the eyebrow and smack the basketball out of his hand, sending it bouncing on the floor a few times. Now it’s my turn to smirk at his surprised expression.

Laughing, he goes to pick up the ball and I think of other things I’d like to smack as I get a good look at his backside when he bends down. “Alright sassy lady, you stand here and I’ll try to get around you to the hoop. You need to block me and take the ball from me, okay?”

We move into position and he dribbles the ball a few times. “Okay. Just don’t body-check me!” ‘Oh yes please, body-check me. Tackle me. Wrestle me down to the ground.’

“Body-checking’s for hockey, Scully, so don’t worry!” He moves suddenly, to pass on my right side and I follow, trying to get the ball out from under his hand but he turns and twirls around me and in three long strides, he’s jumping up to the hoop, sinking the ball into it with a satisfying swoosh. Color me impressed.

“You want to try?”

“There was some talk about shooting three-pointers, I think I’ll stick to that for now. Where do I start, here?”

“No, that’s the free throw line. Back there’s the three-point line. Now don’t be nervous, I know for a fact that you can take a shot. Or three…” He looks so pleased with himself at the hint, but it only makes me flash back to Halloween night. Steve. Easy lay.

Shaking the thought from my head, I take the ball he offers to me and bounce it a few times.

‘Oy that’s pretty far away from the hoop, crap. Too late to back out now, Dana.’

I move to stand at the indicated line, holding the ball between my hands and concentrating hard on the hoop, I throw it. The ball sails forward in a pathetically low arc, missing the hoop for miles. If he laughs now, I swear to God, I’ll hang his ass from the backboard.

Thankfully for him, though, he bites back the teasing and instead, moves around me to stand against my back. The hairs at the back of my neck stand up at his proximity. “Come on, I’ll show you.” Reaching his arms around me, his front pressed against my back, he holds the ball in front of my face. ‘He’s too close, damn it! Houston, I have a problem!’

He nudges my foot outward and forward a little with his and I can feel his warm breath on my neck. “Legs shoulder width apart.” Next, he takes my wrist, raising my arm to 90 degrees and places my hand underneath the ball. “Spread your fingers and rest the ball on your palm. Only touch it with your fingertips.” I swallow hard around a lump in my throat, nodding. ‘Mayday, mayday!’

My left hand is placed on the side of the ball. “Don’t grip the ball with your left hand. Now you need to bend your knees and jump.” I start to hyperventilate when it dawns on me where exactly my ass will be pressed against when I bend my knees. But his hands leave mine as he steps back and the loss of warmth on my back makes me shiver.

I jump and make my shot and while it’s infinitesimally better than my first shot, I still miss. I groan in frustration, I hate being bad at something.

“I’m just too short, damn it!” ‘If I start to cry now, I’ll hang myself from that backboard.’ Now I’m not only agitated and nervous, now I’m frustrated on top of it all.

He gets the ball back and hands it to me, a thoughtful look on his face and I wonder what he’s up to now. “Hmm… okay, let’s try something else.”

I almost jump out of my skin when his hands grab my waist just below my ribs. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Relax, Scully, I’m giving you height.” I’m feel lightheaded. “Okay, on three you jump and make your shot. 1, 2, 3!” I follow his orders and he lifts me over his head as I shoot for the hoop, my heart going a mile a minute, a faint ringing in my ears.

This is all so perfect and romantic and sexy all at the same time.

No, wait.

It’s too perfect, too romantic, too sexy, too close, too much. too soon. too many unknowns. too scary.

When he lowers me down his front slowly, I stumble forward as I regain some footing under my feet, whipping around and breathing hard. I don’t even hear the swoosh of my money shot.

Only managing to choke out a strangled “I gotta go!” before ripping up the stairs, through the doorway, into the chilly November night.

Leaning my head back against the teacher’s bathroom door, my mind flashes back to the night on Halloween, bits of conversation reverberating in my head. “Not relationship material. Hot teacher. Catholic girl. Golden Retriever. Easy lay.”

I go back in history to all the times I’ve found myself curled into a ball on the floor of my bathroom, my living room, my kitchen, in my bed. Crying so hard that no sounds left my mouth, all the pain in my chest making it hard to breathe.

I knock my head backwards into the door once, frustrated.

I’m just too broken. Damaged goods.

I wait for what feels like hours but is probably just a few minutes before turning off the lights and heading home.

----------

[ FM ]

‘Shit. You overstepped. You made her feel uncomfortable. Unsafe.’ I want to slap my stupid-ass self as I watch the doors close after her. ‘It seemed like she was having fun, what happened? Should I go after her? Does she want me to?’ After a long while I put the basketball where it belongs, turn off the lights and leave the gym in search for her. I have no idea where to look and if she even wants to be found, but the thought of me causing her pain sends me running through the dark school anyway. I stop to listen for sounds several times, but everything’s deadly quiet. I can’t find her.

Shit.

[jazzviewswithcj]

A deeper look at Merci Miles: (Warner Records, 2021)

Miles Davis: trumpet; Kenny Garrett: saxophone; Deron Johnson: keyboard; Richard Patterson: bass; Ricky Wellman: drums

By July, 1991 Miles Davis was music royalty.  The previous decade saw him reach a level of popularity and stardom seldom seen in jazz.  By the early 80’s the trumpeter had changed music multiple times, 4 to be exact, with his foray into hip hop, the first recording to be issued after his death Doo Bop (Warner Bros, 1992) , marking the fifth groundbreaking turn in his career.  Prior to his passing from stroke complications in 1991, he maintained a vigorous touring schedule, and the performances of his sextet of the period, the finest late career band he ever led (and arguably one of the best bands of his entire career) were supercharged.  The music captured on the newly released Merci Miles: Live at Vienne (Rhino, 2021) marks the first time anywhere save two YouTube videos the concert has been available in full, and is significant and historically important for two reasons:  it is one of Miles’ final performances in France available legally, and it features two compositions by Prince, the cheeky entendre laden titles “Penetration” and “Jailbait” that the late icon wrote specifically for Davis.  

The picture of the late singer/composer/multi instrumentalist’s involvement with Davis is much clearer through the release of Prince’s own Sign O’ The Times multi disc mega box set and the official release of “Can I Play With U?” a track originally written by The Purple One during the legendary Rubberband (Rhino, 2018) sessions.   Prince’s track was going to be included on what eventually turned out to be Davis’ first album with his new label, Warner Bros. Tutu (1986) but was eventually shelved.  The track was then slated to be issued in the original, much more substantial The Last Word: The Complete Warner Brothers Recordings box set from the early 2000’s (of which promo copies existed) but was fazed out due to rights issues.

The trumpeter always regarded France warmly, from the time he first set foot on French soil as a 22 year old in 1949.  The country was also where in the late 1950’s he recorded the innovative soundtrack to Elevator To The Gallows or Ascenseur pour l’echafaud director Louis Malle’s smoky noir film of which the trumpeter’s soundtrack, completely improvised featuring a top French rhythm section crystallized some of the ideas the trumpeter later would apply on Kind of Blue (Columbia, 1959).  France was also the setting for the infamous romance with the late French starlet Juliette Greco.  More importantly, France, being the first country to wholeheartedly embrace jazz and recognize creative improvised Black music to be on par with European art music, was ready for whatever Davis brought to the table, instead of the misdirected pining that many fans and critics demonstrated in the U.S. for his past, acoustic centered work.  

Merci Miles was captured on July 1, 1991 at the Jazz a Vienne festival, at a picturesque Roman amphitheater filled to capacity.  7 days later on July 8, Miles would revisit the material from Porgy and Bess, Miles Ahead and Sketches of Spain at the Montreux Jazz Festival  with a double orchestra conducted by Quincy Jones and featuring the late trumpeter Wallace Roney as a second voice alongside occasional spots for alto saxophonist Kenny Garrett.    The appearance featuring this music was followed by an appearance with former band mates in Paris on July 10 (a concert that unfortunately of this writing is  being thieved by bootleggers for album release), and the European swing wrapped up in Nice, France on July 16th.

Miles’ band that July 1st evening, featuring Deron Johnson (who grew up with Miles’ nephew and former drummer Vince Wilburn, Jr) on keyboards; Kenny Garrett on alto saxophone and flute) lead bassist and Parliament alumnus Foley, bassist Richard Patterson, and the late Ricky Wellman on drums were inspired and smoking.

“Hannibal” written by Marcus Miller, which appeared on the group’s latest studio album Amandla (1989) is the high energy set opener, with the rhythm section of Johnson, Patterson and Wellman in perfect sync.  Miles flies free with some solo lines before the head appears, and Kenny Garrett makes his first appearance with a lengthy solo.  Garrett (who has a new Mack Avenue studio album in August) is like a heat seeking missile, the rhythm section responding and creating inner dialogues with him in response to his impassioned, pulpit stirring cries.  Deron Johnson, often alongside with Garrett in taking some of the best solos of the evening, briefly dialogues with Miles before spinning off into his own, substantial solo turn.  Johnson is a complete history of the keyboardist’s who played with the trumpeter and distills everything in his sparkling, distinctive soloing voice, swinging slightly behind the beat against the mightily funky bass and drums underneath.

“Human Nature”, the classic ballad   from Michael Jackson’s Thriller (Epic, 1982) Davis first debuted on You’re Under Arrest (Columbia, 1985).  The sensuous existential track became a blank canvas for the Davis band to paint on nightly.  The trumpeter renders the melody with longing, then gradually shifts into a resourceful solo with a double time sprint.  Within Davis’ solo and the use of Spanish tinged scales, and the colorful keyboard backing, the intense drama of the beautiful arrangements that Gil Evans crafted for Sketches of Spain (Columbia, 1959) which Marcus Miller expanded upon in a sense for the film soundtrack Siesta (Warner Bros, 1989) are clearly felt.  Davis quotes “Nature Boy” and a few other asides before passing the baton to Garrett, who used the tune as a nightly feature for intense late period Coltrane trance like meditation.  Garrett fits in a quote of the old spiritual “Joshua Fit De Battle of Jericho” before rocketing into space; Wellman in particular follows him wherever he goes.  Every now and then Miles jabs some mood setting chords with his Oberheim OBX synth as cues, while Garrett continues to combust.  The saxophonist bursting at the seams as a fragment from the bridge to “Milestones” is used as an ostinato, Davis signals a quick blast with his trumpet and the tune ends.  Garrett brought the audience and listeners at home on a thrill ride.

“Time After Time” , the Cyndi Lauper classic is ushered in as volcanic applause erupts from the audience, nearly drowning  out the music.  For 9 and a half minutes, the show belongs to Davis, as he gently finds all the melodic contours he can in the tune.  Like “Round Midnight” and “My Funny Valentine” of decades past, “Time After Time” became one of Davis’ signature ballads.  He drives his improvisation the same way  as Aretha Franklin, Pavarotti, Bocelli or Carreras would, with a marked sense of passion and timeless beauty.

Disc 1 closes with one of the Prince tunes, “Penetration” where everyone gets off on the raunchy funk.  Davis and Garrett are one during the track, and it truly shows the admiration and border less musicality that both icons would have shared, Davis struts with swagger between melody statements and Johnson rips into his solo with passion, Garrett’s searing alto ups the ante further.  As a contrast, “Jailbait” on disc 2, is a gut bucket blues where both Johnson and Garrett take scintillating solos..

The show closes with “Wrinkle” a wondrous maze of a melody that is awe inspiring when played a top speed, and “Finale” a drum solo feature for Wellman that showcases his patented bass drum triplets while keeping rock solid time on the snare, a sort of shuffle where the bass and snare switch roles, and some lightning samba as well as his signature Go-Go groove.

Sound:

Merci Miles is taken directly from the original tapes recorded and mixed by Patrick Savey and Mastered by John Webber at Air Studios in London.  Similar to Sony/Legacy’s Bootleg Series releases for Davis, the tape is from the official broadcast, in this case captured by the small Zycopolis studios.  Curiously for 1991, the sound is mono which could be due to whatever technical limitations of the tape, but it is very good strong mono.  The Schiit Bifrost 2 DAC manages to wring out very nice separation for the band in the mono soundstage: In particular, Davis trumpet is vibrant, brassy, golden and present.  Richard Patterson’s bass is commanding and takes the center of the sound stage, deep and rich.  Ricky Wellman’s drums are full of gusto, there is a reason his nickname was “Sugarfoot” and you hear that in all it’s glory.  Kenny Garrett’s passion radiates past the speakers, Deron Johnson’s keyboards float above the proceedings and Foley’s lead bass provides a wonderful textural contrast to everything else.

Concluding Thoughts:

The 80’s and early 90’s Miles cannon  has seen relatively scant archival releases versus everything from the 50’s-70’s.  Merci Miles is a welcome document of a band that truly was at the top of it’s game and at the peak of its powers.  Miles Davis, judging from this concert was showing little sign of slowing down in his playing, there is a vitality and joy here that  easily places this alongside his Montreux concerts of the period and the excellent Live Around The World (Warner Brothers, 1996).  A wonderful present honoring the great musical icon thirty years on from his passing.  The CD (reviewed here) and LP packages contain some particularly touching photos in a triple gatefold in the French Flag colors of Miles memorabilia from that final tour provided by Vince Wilburn, Jr and a superb liner essay from noted scholar Ashley Kahn contextualizing the history of the trumpeter’s French sojourns and the event itself, alongside some great photos.  The cover also features some nice embossing of the album title text and Davis’ name.  If there is any doubt about physical media, this album is a compelling case for why it’s so good to OWN a physical copy of an album.

Music: 10/10

Sound: 8.5/10

Equipment used for this review

Audiolab 6000 CDT  transport

Schiit Bifrost 2 DAC

Marantz NR 1200 stereo receiver (as pre amp)

Marantz MM 7025 stereo power amplifier

Focal Chora 826 speakers

Audioquest Forest and Golden Gate cables

[ficnation]

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 𝟏

☁ 𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ☁

☁ 𝐀𝐒𝐊 𝐁𝐎𝐗 ☁

1. “I apologise in advance for the inconvenience my murder is going to have on your life.”

2. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

3. “Murder wasn’t on today’s agenda.” “It’s not on anyone’s.” “No, it’s on mine, just not until next Thursday.”

4. “Hold on, you died.” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”

5. “This is my life now. I have climbed this hill and now I will die upon it.” “Shut up. We’ve only been hiking for twenty minutes.”

6. “She’s crying, what do I do?” “Go comfort her.” “How do I do that?” “Start with hugs.” “With what?”

7. “What’s our exit strategy?” “Our what?” “Oh my god, we’re all going to die.”

8. “I’m going to need chicken blood, a knife, a lighter, and a bottle of vodka.”

“Vodka? For the bonfire?”

“No, that’s just to make me feel better about going against (Name)’s command.” (changed)

9. “Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying?” “I don’t know, probably both.”

10. “I saved your lives.” “How? By stealing our freedom?” (changed)

11. “It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did.”

12. “I’m getting really tired of pretending I’m not evil.”

13. “Did you just agree with me?” “Oh I wish I could take-” “Nope! You said it! No take-backs!”

14. “It’s a long story.” “You conned me into thinking you were dead for eleven months. I have time.”

15. “I regret a lot of things. Having this conversation tops the list.”

16. “I had a thought.” “Oh no.” “I swear it’s a good one this time!’

17. “(Name), open the door!” “No. It’s cooler when you break in.” (changed)

18. “Do you think they remember you?” “I sure hope not after what I did the last time I was here.” “What did you do?” “You’ll find out.”

19. “You look…” “Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?”

20. “You scared me!” “Well, I am naturally terrifying.”

21. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

22. “I’d take a bullet for you, you know that.” “You’re not indestructible, and I’m going to kill you if you keep saying that.” (changed)

23. “You really have no clue who I am?” “You’d think the confused looks and blank stare would have answered that for you.”

24. “I am way too sober for this.”

25. “You don’t strike me as a professional criminal.” “That’s what makes me so good at it.”

26. “I don’t think of you as a protector. More like a distraction.”

27. “We have five people trying to kill us right now, what are we supposed to do?” “Actually, it’s more like eight.” “Oh, sorry I wasn’t specific enough!”

28. “If you could even comprehend where I’ve come from, you would be terrified of me.”

29. “I saved your life!” “You pushed me off a building.”

30. “You know we’re not all born with the ability to be a leader, right?” (changed)

31. “How do we keep getting into these situations?” “Eleven years of friendship and I still don’t know.”

32. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed.”

33. “Are you SURE I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes.” “What if I just break his nose a little?”

34. “You are remarkably well behaved tonight. What did you do?”

35. “You’re-you’re crushing my spleen.” “You don’t even know where your spleen is.”

36. “I’m no detective, of course, but I think this dead body might not be alive anymore.”

37. “Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge.” “Can I pick?”

38. “The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.” “I almost died!” “Ah yes, that was my fondest memory.”

39. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”

40. “Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!” “What do you want? A gold star?”

41. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

42. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you think it would be if-” “At least a twenty.”

43. “Literally everything about this would be illegal in the old world.” (changed)

44. “Seven billion people in the world, and you’re overreacting because we killed one man.” “But-” “Seven. Billion. People. Now quit the complaining and drink your smoothie.”

45. “It’s not my birthday.” “It’s definitely your birthday.” “Give me a calendar. It’s not and I will prove it to – oh. Never mind. Happy birthday to me.”

46. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now?” “I’m hovering somewhere in the high thirties.”

47. “I can fix that.” “I’m calling a professional.” “I’m a professional.” “A more professional, professional.”

48. “What’s the word for that infestation of tiny creatures over there?” “Those are children. That’s a school.”

49. “I have a concern.” “Just one?” “No, but I didn’t think you’d let me speak my piece if I told you how many I actually have.”

50. “Why are you glaring at me?” “I’m hoping you’ll spontaneously combust.”

51. “If we die, I’m going to spend the rest of our afterlife reminding you that this was all your fault.” “That’s cool, I wouldn’t mind having company while being a ghost.”

52. “What are you so afraid of?” “You.”

53. “What is that THING in your backpack?” (changed)

54. “I hate the sight of blood.” “Then maybe you shouldn’t kill for a living.”

55. “All that blood looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes.”

56. “Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?” “Oh god, we’re going to die, aren’t we?” “It’s a Tuesday, I know how to restrain myself.” “You absolutely do not.”

57. “I don’t give a damn.” “You give so many damns they’re visible from SPACE.”

58.  “It’ll be easy. You just have to seduce them.” “You’re kidding, right? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage.”

59. “You’re not as evil as people think you are.” “No. I’m much worse.”

60. “That’s a terrifyingly accurate drawing of us.” “It’s almost like I’m good at what I do.”

61. “You have no power over me.” “You sure about that?”

62. “This isn’t good.” “How can you tell?” “See how they’re slowly surrounding us? And they all have guns and knives and I think one guy is carrying a machete?”

63. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” “Actually he’s right in front of you.”

64. “I’m not a thief. I’m just really good at acquiring things that aren’t mine.”

65. “I’m not completely human anymore. Remember that next time you want to punch me in the face.”

66. “Is that blood?” “No?” “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”

67. “I never stood a chance, did I?” “That’s the sad part – you did once.”

68. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

69. “I’m not going to leave you.”

70. “Everything is okay.”

71. “I’m going to protect you.”

72. “I believe in you.”

73. “Do you feel guilty? Like, at all?” “I don’t have time to feel guilty. And neither do you.”

74. “Stop that!” “Stop what?” “Doing that thing with your face when you’re happy. It’s making me nauseous.”

75. “What are you doing?” “…Eating.” “We’re being held hostage and you decide to raid the kitchen?” “They didn’t say the fridge was off limits.”

76. “Is that a dead body?” “Maybe?” “It is. I can see it right in front of me.” “I promise I’ll clean it up before dinner.”

77. “If we’re going to get out of here, we’re going to have to work together. After that, we can go back to killing each other.” “Oh, fine.”

78. “That’s not funny.” “I thought it was.” “You don’t count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.”

79. “Do we need wine?” “No, I need wine, you need to put your pants back on.” “But life is so freeing without them.” “Pants. On. Now.”

80. “Can you please go be stupid somewhere that’s away from me?”

81. “I feel like I’m being stabbed.” “How do you even know what it feels like to be stabbed?”

82. “Will you be quiet?” “I didn’t say anything!” “Well stop thinking so loud.”

83. “Did you get my note?” “Of course I got it. You taped it to my forehead while I was sleeping.”

84. “You’re a psychopath.” “I prefer creative.”

85. “Why do people keep trying to put this blanket on me?” “Because you’re in shock.” “That doesn’t mean I need a blanket. It means I need booze.”

86. “Oh no.” “What is it? What happened? Who died?” “I think I just felt an emotion.” “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

87. “When all this is over, I want my sanity back.”

88. “That’s definitely not true.” “Of course it is. I read it in Encyclopedia.” (changed)

89. “You forgot me.” “It was an accident.”

90. “Why do you keep risking your life? To prove a point?” “Yes.”

91. “I would like to join you in acknowledging the difficulties of your life.” “You are the WORST at this comfort thing.”

92. “You’ve got to stop doing that.” “What?” “Saying things that make me want to kiss you.”

93. “Look, if you want to conjure some demon spawn from the great beyond, that’s all fine and dandy. Just wait for me to leave before you start.”

94. “Just calm down!” “My arm just got cut off and you want me to calm down!?” (changed)

95. “You know what they say, panicking burns a shit ton of calories.” “Who even says that?” “Me. Just now.”

96. “Don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the corner, having another existential crisis.”

97. “Oh my god, I had the exact same dream!” “Really?” “Are you crazy? Of course I didn’t.”

98. “I need to go de-stress.” “Where are you going?” “To demolish the living room.”

99. “I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”

100. “I’m bitter and complicated. It’s one of my charms.” “I don’t think you know what that word means. Or how to count.”

101. “Well? What happened? I want all the details!”

102. “You always think you know what you’d do when faced with the end of the world. Me? I went home and took a nap.”

103. “Damn it, why aren’t you obeying the laws of physics?”

104. “I’d hug you right now, but you’re covered in evidence. And I also really don’t want to.” “Evidence is a really nice euphemism for blood, gore and guts.” “You’re totally missing the point. Do you know how pissed I am at you right now?”

105.  “This way is more efficient.” “This way is going to get us killed.”

106. “You’re not my favourite person today.” “I’m not your favourite person on any day.”

list by @fictionpants

[parkeraul]

→ boyfriend  •  1 | t.h. & s.m.

prologue | part 1

author’s note — hello, girlfriends. first of all, i really wanna apologise for the lack of writings lately & for this shitty moodboard. plus, i wanna give the hugest shoutout to @itrocksmysocks who’s been sending me pictures and stuff to help me get inspiration to write this series [thank u so much, latina neighbour!]. for now, i’m gonna update this series once in a week, then the next i’m gonna reserve the next one to write, then update on the following week and it’ll go on and on. enjoy!

pairing: tom holland x shawn mendes x reader college!tom | college!shawn

masterlist ┊add yourself to my taglists ┊give me feedbacks.

words — 3,4k; warnings — flirting, cursing, mentions of alcoholic drinks.

“People on the very back: Listen!” Mrs. Edwards shouts, banging against the board twice with her pen. “This graphic is very simple, okay? If you keep on talking and talking, it’ll become your worst nightmare and there will be no help during the final test.”

The white board had been completely taken over by lists of informations, numbers, theories  and graphics in at least 3 different colours. It’s been an hour or almost two since she started crossing the entire board with red, green, blue & black and Tom feels amazed by how well she manages to understand the entire system she’s been writing for so many time. As a class he signed for just to have some more complementary hours, he can straight tell you he’s not exactly caring about it that much. It’s way too fast and too mathematic for his mind.

All the people sitting around him in the classroom are already letting the tiredness consume them. Some are sighing and dropping their pencils; some are rubbing their faces repeatedly; some others are actually paying attention and probably trying hard not to freak out. Considering the white walls with white tables and chairs, if no one said that this is a math class, people would probably walk in and think it’s a sanatorium. All faces exhausted and it’s clear to see that at least 90% of the class can’t wait for the summer break to rescue them all — the 10% left is filled with the boys that have been sleeping for the past 30 minutes.

“Next class we’ll get back to the basic analysis to freshen up a bit, I recommend you to bring one or two books to do some research as well—“

“Hey, dude,” Jacob whispers close to Tom, sitting on the chair in front of him as he turns his head — far enough to see Tom leaning in through his peripheral, but not far enough to lose sight of Mrs. Edwards giving further endorsements. “Match tomorrow at 5?” “Sure,” Tom agrees, keeping his ‘attentive’ on the teacher in front of the class. “Have you guys picked the entire team already?” He says nonchalantly. It’s typical: In Fridays, after everyone’s last class, friendly football match with the boys from the athletic team of the Empshire University.

“Ian, Ryan, Heather and Matthew: You guys cannot miss the next class at all. You guys have been bailing for a long time and one more skip it’s deadline for the four of you—“

“Same thing,” Jacob says and Tom starts to close his books, pulling his backpack up to tuck them inside of it haphazardly. “But we’ll add John Mayer to it because Kevin’s not coming.” “You don’t have to say John Mayer, his gang’s not here,” They both look around the classroom, failing at being discreet as they search for any friends of… Well… ’John Mayer’.  Tom zips his bag close and Jacob turns around to do the same while everyone else’s already prompting themselves up to leave. “And you better put him in the defenders, far away from the frontline.” “I knew you’d say this!” They laugh under their breaths, also getting up to finally inspire some fresh air outside.

“See you next Thursday.” Mrs. Edwards says almost quietly, arranging her stuff while the room starts to get empty.

The corridor had never felt this comfy before. It’s crowded and a little bit loud but a lot better than Classroom number 9. As students from all courses starts talking to each other, Tom takes a look across the wall and spots new posters.

This wall is known as The Great Wall of Empshire —or Wall–E for the intimates. The Wall–E is a large blue wall that stands out from the regular white & grey ones of the building. Also, is where students pin folders and posters to warn the whole college about whatever seems to be relevant. It mostly holds notices of people looking for roommates, lost & found stuff, a special space painted in red for teacher’s announcements and messages from the secretariat of the university. As the results of the finals and classes stuff starts to fade away, the posters to summer parties slowly take over the big blue rectangle in the exact middle of the corridor to one of the two buildings that build the Empshire University.

Coming closer, Tom watches Missy climbing tiny–trembling stairs to glue a folder about Musical Theatre auditions. She’s sure struggling and, although he feels bad, he laughs in anyways as low as he can. Obviously, he doesn’t come out as subtle as he planned and gets a very–stressed Missy Langford slicing his entire being in two with the mad look in her blue eyes.

“You’re being very helpful by laughing,” She huffs, tapping the big poster repetitively to make sure it won’t fall for the next week. “Asshole.” “Oh, Miss, come on,” He teases, smirking like the asshole she just called him. “I thought we were over that part. Asshole! – Idiot! – Douche! Get outta here! You know? Last summer’s business, love,” Tom brings up a memory they both shared some time ago, knowing how pissed she’d get with the dialogue all over Tom’s charming accent in a playful tone, which sure has nothing to do with the atmosphere of the moment itself. “I swear to God that if this thing was any stronger, I’d jump onto your face right now.” After rolling her eyes, Missy spits at Tom and sees his smile widening stupidly. “Anyways,” Crossing arms, Tom steps closer to the Wall–E and leans against a blank space. “What’s that?” “We’re doing Hairspray,” She answers flatly. “Not that you’re allowed to subscribe, of course.” “Who said?” Tom frowns and squeaks way louder than usual. What now? Is she going to forbid him to audition to an open–invitation? “Jesus.”   Tom’s jaw falls dramatically, “Oh! Swearing to God… Talking to Jesus, apparently,” He quirks an eyebrow, faking surprise. “Didn’t know you had friends outside college.” “Will you shut the fuck up and help me get down?” Missy gives the poster one last strong tap — probably thinking about slapping Tom’s face instead — and stretches an arm towards him. “Not that you deserve it, but–“

Tom goes silent at the moment he gets his back off the wall to help Missy, noticing Jacob coming closer suddenly with someone else.

“Is it here?” The person with Jacob asks, holding a big orange poster. “Yep,” He confirms. “We call it Wall–E!” The answer to his information is just a laughter that makes Tom immediately forget about giving Missy a hand, bringing him to step closer to the conversation. “Hey man, where were you?” At the moment Tom asks, Jacob instantly gets what he’s trying to do. Not that Tom wasn’t kinda nosy sometimes, but they’ve been hanging out enough for his moves to look predictable. Way too predictable. Jacob says nothing, only squints his eyes and the silence suiting the four of them is slightly uncomfortable. “Uhm… I asked him for help as he was waiting for people to open some space so we… Could… Walk until here.” The voice is hesitant and sweet, although, while Missy eyes the person — The person looks at Tom, then looks down — Tom looks back & Jacob watches Tom prepare a whole scene inside his mind. “There’s some tape upon that tiny cabinet that you can use,” Jacob points to the front, past Tom and Missy Langford, “And if you can put it wherever you want as long as it’s in the blue area.” “Thank you so much! I’ll help myself with anything, don’t wanna take more of your time.” “No worries,” Giving a smile, Jacob walks to the side and then to Tom, offering his hand to a high–five. “I think you’ll be okay.”

As he feels the deep gaze of his friend as he passes by, Tom understands the second intentions of the phrase as if Jacob had just said “very smooth, my friend, shoot your shot” and left. It’s not that Tom Holland is a complete womanizer — the term Prince Charming fits him better, he says —but everyone who knows him decently is aware of the fact that he has no time for bullshit. No ceremony, no playing around. If Tom Holland likes someone, he’ll sure let this person know and try a move. If it goes right then awesome! And if it goes wrong he won’t go bitter about it longer than two or three seconds. He’ll eventually forget even though he doesn’t want to.

The british boy watches another struggle. Tiptoeing, the other person lifts the poster to see if it’ll fit in the only larger space left on The Great Wall as Missy climbs down the stairs by herself, analyzing the entire scene with squinted eyes.

“Here, luv,” Tom gently moves closer and takes the poster in his hands. He tiptoes as well and reaches the blank spot easier. “I think it’ll fit, don’t ya?” “It sure will!” The answer comes out in a chuckle. “I don’t believe we met, actually,” With feet back on the floor, he holds the banner while he looks directly to the owner. There’s this stupid beautiful smile adorning his face kind of shyly, but surely threatening to widen more as his fingers run through his brown hair. “I’m sorry. I’m Y/N,” She says, smiling back at him and tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear and Tom notices the delicate pair of earrings shining through the locks. “Beautiful! Beautiful name,” His brows frown quickly, listening to her voice like his favourite band’s singing his favourite song of all time. His mouth wants to say ‘beautiful face too’ with ‘beautiful lips’ and a ‘beautiful eyes’, but his brain works harder to keep his dignity safe somehow. “And your name is?” Suddenly, his throat goes dry. He tries to clear it, eyes blinking rapidly and he stretches an arm to find support on the wall. The jeans on his legs goes tighter, the white t-shirt for summer weather feels hotter than a thousand coats and the backpack on his shoulder heavens like he’s carrying a bag filled with rocks. What the heck? “My name?” “No, idiot,” Missy says behind Tom. “My name.” Rolling eyes, Tom slightly turns around and clenches his jaw, looking at Missy Langford’s sarcastic face with everything but appreciation. “Will you shut the fuck up?” He mumbles through gritted teeth. “I’m tryna get lucky in here,” And this time who rolls eyes is Missy, fixing her yellow shirt and putting it back inside her blue jeans. “I’m Thomas, darlin’. You can call me Tom.”

Or future ex–boyfriend, Missy thinks to herself feeling a tiny bit of heartache annoying her chest. It’s been around four months since she argued with Tom, which led to their break–up. Well, Missy calls it a break–up. For Tom, nothing’s been broken up because what they had was just a thing, a sudden meeting of feverish hormones boiling through their bodies. No one ever kneeled down and asked gently, no one ever posted pictures online or introduced the other to their parents. He notices the way she’s still bitter about it, but after a thousand conversations and discussions, Tom had just decided to let her be until the ache goes away eventually, since his words were apparently not helping at all.

“Tom,” Y/N confirms, nodding along and looking at him. He reacts with a smile, coffee eyes drinking her in. “Thank you, Tom! I should probably go find that cabinet where the tape might be at—“ “I’ll show you!” Tom interrupts, prompting up his body and fixing his shirt. “By the way, what are you announcing? Do you need a place to stay or share?” “Oh, no! Not at all,” Y/N warns as soon as she drinks in the way Tom’s tone of voice fell worried. The boy looks down at the poster, trying to find the main information of the paper. “It’s just a party. You’re both invited, actually! It’s gonna be at my place… Tomorrow afternoon.”

Tom says nothing, just removes his eyes from the folder to look at Y/N’s charming smile. He didn’t need any more reasons to say something rather than yes — the other words slipping out of her mouth were soundless to him, his eyes were too hypnotized by the way her lips were moving; hypnotized in a way his ears stopped working for a moment but his head managed to nod along to whatever she proposed. Yes, yes and yes. A thousand times yes to whatever she just proposed.

“Well, I’ll find the tape to hang it on,” She comments, eyeing the couple as her feet start to plan their way to the middle of the corridor. “I hope you can make it.”

Her sweet smile makes it hard for Tom to think twice — not that he even considered doing this, but it’s new to him how the entire surrounding seems to slow down the pace and noise when Y/N simply breathes and smiles sweetly. This is not right, not one bit, he thinks. His heart never raced this fast before; his mouth never craved other lips as it’s doing at the moment but one thing is certain: this party’s going to ease down his thirst one way or another. Tom only realizes that Y/N went away when the frame in front of him becomes Missy. She’s got a smirk on her face and two of her fingers travel across his collarbone, right next to where his white shirt ends. She feels the warmth of his chest increasing underneath the pad of her index and middle fingers, eyes traveling across his softened expression.

“Pick me up at 2 o’clock tomorrow?” She asks rhetorically, melting slightly when he takes her hand to plant a kiss on her knuckles.

By the hand, he drags her body closer so he can murmur next to her ear the same word he’s been saying repeatedly for these past months.

“No.”

“When were you going to tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That you were going to ditch us for that party tomorrow, you bitch!”

Shawn rolls his eyes, smiling widely as he manages to carry his backpack, water bottle and guitar case towards his car. Brian, on the other hand, doesn’t feel like smiling back.

“Answer me!”

“Dude?!” Shawn stops, putting down his case to grab the keys inside his pocket. “It’s just a football match, we do this every fucking week.”

“Exactly! We do this every fucking week—“

“Man, Y/N’s gonna be there,” He smiles again, pressing the button to unlock the doors. “You know how much I’ve been waiting for this day to come over.”

“Wasn’t she in London?” The redhead asks, walking beside his best friend as he bends down to get the guitar case once again.

Things are heavy in Shawn’s hands and back, but the thought of finally seeing Y/N again after a semester of torture shots a wave of numbness through his nerves. The blue shirt feels hotter and the black jeans are surely tighter, but the way his heart floats around his chest makes him feel light like a feather.

He misses her.

Misses her smile, her eyes, the sound of her voice and her laugh when he first talked about his feelings for her. Shawn noticed that she didn’t believe him at all, but that impression didn’t last long in his mind — the way Y/N got close to his lips to mumble sweet nothings had sent him to cloud 9. Then his trip flew down to hell just as quickly when she pulled away to walk past the door, leaving Shawn’s pout kissing the air and the side of his bed empty. Next thing he knew, Y/N was on a plane ready to spend half of the year exploring the british airs of South West London. The song he wrote about her ended up staying inside of his second drawer, but the long-sleeved jersey of his favourite Hockey team went away with her — making Shawn’s hand itch to find home on that body, taking back what’s his and what he wants to be his.

“Exactly,” He imitates Brian’s words. “Was.”

Brian says nothing, feeling defeated. His brows only lift while his eyes close, knowing that he can’t fight Shawn when he’s like this. Obsessed.

“You should come too,” He invites, putting the tip of his bottle inside his mouth to hold it while he pushes the door open. “Heard–Djulia–iths–gonha–be–ther’.”

His guitar case flies to the backseat along with his backpack, Shawn stepping to the side so Brian can tuck his stuff into the car too.

“I have no fucking idea of what you just said,” Brian tosses his bag while pointing one finger to Shawn. “But I’m not leaving my mates behind because of some girl.”

This time, the one to lift eyebrows is Shawn. His gaze narrows Brian as he hangs the driver’s door open.

“First, you know she’s not some girl,” He corrects. “Second, Julia is gonna be there. It’s a pool party, dumbass.”

While Brian walks to the passenger’s door, it’s like magic. Julia is out there, walking–dancing outside the campus with her friends around her, singing whatever song that was. His blue eyes can’t drift away from her until she’s disappearing behind the cars parked.

“Pool party?” He asks distractedly. “See, that’s the part I hadn’t understood before. I mean, I love football but you know I never say no to a party.”

Message from +44 20…: Hi!! You left before I could even ask for your number…

Y/N gets out of the shower to immediately find her phone buzzing and ringing. The screen doesn’t show the entire text, but she doesn’t need to think that much to figure it out. Opening the app, she finds a second message popping up right after.

+44 20…: I got it from the party poster, I hope you don’t mind

Her bottom lip gets trapped between her teeth, a stupid smiling drawing her face as the profile photo loads. There he is. Messy damp curls atop of a babyface, glasses in front of those chocolate eyes and bare chest. Whew. Typing, feeling like a teenager as her stomach gets butterflies, she can notice the way her breathing goes unpatterned.

You: hey, london boy. there’s no problem! i’m glad you did 😇

It’s fun to Y/N how the text got instantly seen, the ‘typing…’ showing up below the new saved contact’s name in seconds.

Tom (Empshire): 👀👀👀 Hahaha That’s good to know. I’m really looking forward to your party tomorrow

You: you’re gonna make it? that’s perfect 💓

Tom (Empshire): Of course I am! Wouldn’t miss it for the world, darling

Unconsciously, Y/N’s legs clench together just to the imagination of his accent speaking these words loud and clear to her. Even with the dripping hair and body wrapped by just a towel, she jumps on her bed before she falls to the floor.

Tom (Empshire): Do I need to bring something?? Like beers and stuff

You: not really. unless u wanna drink something specific but as long as you’re here… just don’t forget your suit, darling 😛

If she only knew that Tom was exactly how she was picturing… Bare chest, wearing glasses, damp hair and thrown onto the sofa with a boyish grin. Tom honestly couldn’t think about smooth ways to flirt with her, he felt too intimidated — almost like Tom wasn’t Tom. Who would’ve guessed that Tom Holland could watch his moves to talk with a girl?

Tom (Empshire): I won’t haha

Then he couldn’t resist.

Tom (Empshire): Anyways, can’t wait to see you again… It was lovely to meet you earlier today. Good night, pretty one!

With burning cheeks and racing heart, Y/N twists in bed as she holds her phone for dear life. Coming back to the Empshire University fell flat at first, but with the taste of London still stuck in her life somehow, this looks as interesting as being in the United Kingdom itself — with a summertime way more catching than the winter. Her limbs couldn’t stop pulsing and the anticipation ran along her most sensitive spots mercilessly, making her thighs tighten even harder with a big smile tilting up the corners of her swollen lips from all the biting.

You: good night, t. can’t way to see you too. it’ll be awesome.

taglist of girlfriends: @lostinspidey – @goldenmndes – @shawnsunflower​ – @jawnjendes​ – @itrocksmysocks​ – @emilyxkate​ – @tell-me-when-ur-ready​ – @particularnervous​ – @grayxzabdixfer – @shawnssongs​ – @arypesanchez​ – @shawnmendes-s – @shawnsheaven​ – @mylifeisafxingmess​ – @perfectywrong​ – @whysparker​ – @blairscott​

tagging mutuals [if you wanna be untagged, please sorry in advance & let me know]: @mcuspidey​ – @devilmendes​ – @snowflakeparker​ – @strangertingle – @honeyrosemuffins​.

[cheddar-the-dog]

b99 podcast episode 2:

relationship goals

@jake-and-ames and I have summarized what we think are the highlights of the second episode of the brooklyn nine-nine podcast. maybe those of you who can’t listen to the podcast for whatever reason can profit from it a bit

it’s under the cut because it’s quite long

[[MORE]]

Part 1 with David Phillips, Tony Nahar, Dirk Blocker, Joel McKinnon Miller

a season that’s focussed on Ensemble rather than singular performances

not filmed on stage usually but practical locations (rooms with walls)

3 cameras and their crews —> “single camera” style but multiple cameras that open opportunities to cross-shoot scenes

MEJ plays in the B99 softball team

they have 35 background actors of which 90% were there since s1

Scully and Hitchcock almost never have full storylines and often have punchlines or chime in (requires timing)

S7 spoilers around minute 14 but I blanked out tbh

Episode 12 of Season 2 The Beach House is a very significant episode for the cast and crew

Beach House Cold Open is where Holt spilled soup on his pants and Andy only needed one take for him to go into Holt’s office and spill soup on his own pants

Whole episode was originally Boyle story and his divorce but they went ensemble because it didn’t work

the Amy-Drink-Scale and 6-Drink-Amy (aka Gina’s Sasquatch) is elaborated throughout the episode (not revealed though if there is a 7-Drink-Amy)

Boyle’s borderline creepy lines are discussed around Minute 25

they spent 2 days shooting on location in Malibu and some of the cast stayed overnight and got to know each other more (Andy, Joel, Joe, Melissa and Chelsea and her then boyfriend now husband Jordan Peele)

it was so far away that on the first day when their call time was 7 AM they started shooting at 10:30 AM and it was hot but they had to pretend it’s winter

“Scully is a quintessential rennesaince man” - Joel McKinnon Miller

The bubbles in the hot tub were silent

there were lots of alts and the cast and crew just had fun and tried making each other break and corpse the scene - especially Andre

they intentionally made Holt apologize as an example of how a boss can behave vs how he would be expected to behave (Jake apologizing to him)

Part 2: Stephanie Beatriz, Laura McCreary, Luke Del Tredici

relationships (friendships, romantic relationships, bromances and Rosas coming out)

Steph doesn’t get recognized on the streets because of voice and mannerisms

in the beginning it was more focused on the Rosa/Charles relationship than Jake/Amy because Jake needed a lot of character work before they could think about getting them together/ him more fitting to Amy

Jake/Amy: pacing but also they don’t know how long they have, there’s no opportunity to really plan years ahead - if they would’ve know how long they have they would’ve held back longer with the romance but they knew from the beginning that they’re endgame

they try to avoid making Amy only “the wife”

“RIP Cheddar Number 3” - Laura McCreary

Rosa/Charles: they had Charles pining over Rosa in the pilot and according to Luke you repeat a lot of storylines in the beginning of a series because you’re trying to figure out who these characters are but as the show grew older so did the writers and eventually they realized it felt very inappropriate to not take no for an answer (Luke describes it as a “mistake” to not resolve it sooner)

Steph felt like it was inappropriate early on but didn’t have the courage to go to the writers and tell them how she felt because she was scared of losing her job and she didn’t know how things worked in that particular workplace bc she originally is a theatre actress

Charles and Rosa remain friends though and their relationship grows stronger. So much so that Rosa comes out to him first which Steph loved a lot

MEJ is still waiting for the vow renewal of Holt and Kevin (he pitched another idea during that episode)

Boyle/Peralta: McCreary said that because Jake can’t really mess up at his job because of stakes and he’s not perfect they made him mess up a lot with Charles’ friendship (also the ladies but mainly Charles)

Rosa had a good amount of relationships

“She’s trying. I don’t know if she’s living it but she’s trying.” - Steph

Rosa/Adrian: very opposite characters and she described Jason abd Pimento respectively as loose canons. Mantzoukas also taught Steph how to relax more in scenes (she’s praising his improv skills a lot as well as “he’s like a thorough bred dressage horse but kinda like crazy” - Stephanie Beatriz)

Rosa/Marcus: first on screen relationship that the writers used to get a Rosa/Holt dynamic going

Steph played Rosa queer from the beginning (she built on talking about Tonya Harding being hot for example)

the coming out episode: Steph was involved in creating the 99th episode and the coming out of her character a lot - she wanted Rosa to use the word bisexual repeatedly and the language that was used is a lot of what she had to hear personally. She talks about bi-erasure as well

The writers wanted to incorporate real life experiences into their show more to make it authentic and it was important to them to involve Steph and not just go for it because they had nobody who could speak for her specific experience

they emphasize the complexity of the characters and not just token diversity for brownie points. also different takes on classic masculinity tropes (a subject that repeats often also in Episode 1)

it’s meant to be a socially relevant show but they want to normalize the subjects they target and don’t make it 30 minutes of education and “here’s everything that’s wrong with x”

Terry/Sharon: a stable loving marriage between two black people

“Title of your sex tape” is a favorite joke, and since the series starts with established dynamics everyone in the squad is cool with joking about it/ it doesn’t feel inappropriate in their workplace because they’ve known each other for quite a long time

there’s a cut scene from the s6 finale where the vulture heard Jake say “title of your sex tape” and stole it to use himself which Jake in return hated more than anything he did, ever. And a similar instance (also a cut scene) where Hitchcock heard it and stole it as well

[gh0stbird]

Okay Now Do The Rest

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Bright but argumentative. I was never afraid of pointing out things I didn’t feel were fair hfhddh

When we were learning numbers kids would often write 91 for nineteen, just flip them, y’know, and Ms. Potter yelled at the class for it. Baby Generiq went into it about how it was an understandable mix up because you do say the number first. In twenty-three you write the two first, so in nineteen it’s easy to assume you would write the nine first.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Tired.

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows. Every book adaptation should also be a series not a movie. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Honeysuckle and sunshine

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Floor hockey! My friend and I used to be brutal and swing at each other’s shins going after the ball. Also it was reminiscent of golf, which I competed in.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I have an untitled playlist I cycle my current music in and out of, but Newton’s Third Law is my favorite named one!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

I don’t- I guess the yellow smarties. Don’t come for me they taste like lemonade.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

I assume this means assigned book and not the reports we got to pick for ourselves. Ah, Night was good. Lord of the Flies was fine but way overhyped. Again, don’t come for me.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

If I can tuck my legs into the chair I am sitting in that is ideal!

18. ideal weather?

When you know it is going to rain and you get to stay home

19. sleeping position? (Skipped on accident)

I reeeally like pressure, so either against something or on my stomach.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Phone notes and a notebook! Sometimes a blank document but I always find it strangely intimidating

21. obsession from childhood?

Warrior Cats, Percy Jackson, and Maximum Ride were my big three!

22. role model?

Aa I try to straw from people I want to copy, but there are talents I look up to. Rachel Chavkin is a brilliant director, and there are so many artists and authors I look up to and who inspire me.

24. favorite crystal?

Obsidian because it’s black like my hea- I’m kidding, I do love obsidian, but it’s Rose Quartz because it’s a very very pretty, soft pink and makes me happy.

25. first song you remember hearing?

The mobile above my crib played Imagine by John Lennon. My childhood room was themed after it as well!

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Swim or sit in the sunshine. Ben and I usually go driving with the top down as well.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Walking through fresh snow is amazing, so are snowball fights and building snowmen.

28. five songs to describe you?

Oh fuck yes

Hurricane - Hamilton

The Reckless and the Brave - All Time Low

Almost There - The Princess and the Frog

All This and Heaven Too - Florence + the Machine

Facade - Jekyll and Hyde: A Gothic Musical Thriller

30. places that you find sacred?

I don’t typically find places sacred, but certain headspaces are very special to me, and time spent with loved ones means more than enough to be considered sacred.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A black blazer with a white button-down and a skirt.

32. top five favorite vines?

I am in Missouri (misery)

I love you, Bitch

I want a Church girl

Obama’s “I know because I won both of them”

I won’t hesitate, Bitch!

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“No worries”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

That fucking PFI bandana boot sale I stg

35. average time you fall asleep?

Somewhere between 9:00 and three in the morning

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Some girl doing bunny ears on her friend. I don’t remember what the caption was

38. lemonade or tea?

Both. Mixed together. It’s called an Arnold Palmer and it is my favorite drink

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

We duck taped out principal to the wall once. Also some kid broke their tray over another kid’s head at lunch one time.

41. last person you texted?

The family group chat, though Beau if Discord counts

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I wear a lot of leggings so jacket pockets!

44. favorite scent for soap?

We had some Lily of the Valley hand soap that was amazing

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy, I think! I’ve never done super heavy into the other two. Though I definitely don’t want to ignore sci-fi because two of my favorite stories are a little science-fiction-y

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

A t-shirt and shorts

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

A banana. Generally accepted as a fruit and kind of just rolls with it, but is actually a berry

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

I fucking hate Hamilton-ing on main, but

“And when my prayers to god were met with indifference, I picked up a pen, I wrote my own deliverance!”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

That changes every time Beau and I play HetaOni together, but I have fucking lost it for at least five minutes the last two sessions.

51. current stresses?

I dunno, man, life? My hair could use a wash

52. favorite font?

Covered by your Grace and I’m a big Spectral baby. These are both google docs! I don’t know if that makes a difference.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Patience is important when teaching material, but never be afraid to find another approach better suited to the person you’re tutoring.

55. favorite fairy tale?

Robin Hood!

56. favorite tradition?

My family does homemade Springfield cashew chicken for Christmas!

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Uhh lots of self-acceptance shit no one really wants to read

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I can pop the joint at the center of my foot

That’s all

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I sort of like my role as mom friend, so maybe I could keep that role in a sort of action-based anime that followed a group of friends

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“I am not the protégé to waste your time on; I'm complete!” Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

62. seven characters you relate to?

Haha

Lisa Carew - Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

Japan - Hetalia/Oni

Garnett - Steven Universe

Hfhddh that’s all I can say that aren’t my own characters

63. five songs that would play in your club?

I Don’t Like Clubs, but

Overwhelmed - Royal + The Serpent

Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

Go Big or Go Home - American Authors

The Nights - Avicii

Tempo - Lizzo

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz!

65. any permanent scars?

Yep - One from a bad bike wreck. My body rejected the dissolvable stitches so it’s a lot bigger than it was supposed to be

66. favorite flower(s)?

Lily of the Valley, daisies, Day Lilies, and Dandelions! I also love honeysuckles but I don’t know if those count.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Accidentally drank rancid milk once!

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? (Haha, nice)

The fastest, free way to fill up your potions on Wizard101 is to play Potion Motion to level three.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

On myself, animal print

72. worst subject?

I’ve never been intuitively good at History, I do think it’s interesting though.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I don’t like to take it until I can’t move without it.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

Kindergarten? I had mono and then scarlet fever twice, so my baby teeth were pretty much ruined and they all fell out very fast.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Curly fries!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Kalanchoe’s, it literally Window’s Thrill. These babies are fairly temperamental outside and love partial sun, so the window is the perfect spot for them. And! If you keep them happy! They’ll bloom! My personal favorite is the pink bloom.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

What’s wrong with coffee from a gas station? Also I don’t like seafood.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Lightning bugs

82. pc or console?

PC!

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts - talk radios actually tend to get under my skin for n o reason

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, but let it be known I was brutal with mine. We did human sacrifices and the like.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies, but I’m a slut for whipped frosting

87. your greatest fear?

Losing control!

88. your greatest wish?

A life beyond where I am now. Haha Stop chasing new down the hallway you’re so sexy haha

90. luckiest mistake?

Logged into Omegle in like 2015 and some rando asked me to join their Doctor Who roleplay. Luckiest moment of my gd life.

91. boxes or bags?

Bags! They’re easier to store

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight! But in the late afternoon when everything is bathed in orange.

93. nicknames?

Mom is the most prevalent!

94. favorite season?

Fall into winter. Peak leaf crunch!

95. favorite app on your phone?

Discord or Notes

[levelstory]

Music Reflection II, Early 2000s' was a Trip

Well, it has been a hot minute since I wrote a music reflection post. Last time, I talked about various songs from my childhood from the likes of Britney Spears to Stevie Brock. Now I am back to tackle some more music from my most formative years that will make you question how my music taste ever escaped cringy pop music from the Top 40. Coincidentally, all of these tracks are from the early 2000s’ so no 90s’ music here today. Here we go…

Miracles Happen by Myra

This song is the anthem ofThe Princess Diaries. That movie was one of my most watched VHS tapes next to the first Harry Potter film. It is the movie that sparked my interest in film soundtracks, and one of the most recognizable and memorable songs from the album was easily Myra's Miracles Happen. 

It can be easy to forget how much work was once put into acquiring music in an age where most music is available instantaneously. As a kid, my ear was always turned toward the music in any given film and when I got to an age (around 9-10) when I realized these tracks were sold in one package known as the film soundtrack, I made a point to get my hands on a copy. The Princess Diaries is the first soundtrack I remember owning outside of soundtracks from Disney films. 

My most stark memories with this soundtrack are playing it in my bedroom at my old house. Toward the end of our time living there, my family painted my bedroom a light pink and I got a desk that had a CD rack built-in (this was a big feature at the time). My boombox sat on the large desktop against the wall and I can remember listening to The Princess Diaries soundtrack on repeat. There are a lot of great tracks on the album but Miracles Happen is the true star and the true representation of the movie. 

Before I talk about the track further, I just want to point out that this movie is great. We could talk about its problems, which it has many, but it remains funny, heartwarming, and a joy to watch from start to finish. This movie introduced me to Anne Hathaway and she just shines. Plus, Julie Andrews is in the movie and she steals the show! I know my opinion is partially influenced by nostalgia goggles but hey...just let me have this!

Back to Miracles Happen. What is easily the strongest aspect of the song is the chorus. It is so catchy and fun to listen to. The verses are enjoyable enough, but they feel a bit detached from what makes the song so good. The bridge is pretty lackluster. As discussed a bit in my first reflection, way too many songs struggle with their bridges. Look, I get it...but still. The only shining light is that the bridge at least transitions into a tune that sounds similar to the chorus which is pretty great. 

The lyrics are fairly generic which is par for the course. They say a bunch of random things like "we found the missing pieces" and "nothing should ever bring you down", lyrics that have little to no emotional attachment to anything beyond it is a thing people say in this context. But all things considered, it is still a really fun song to listen to.

It Happens Every Time by Dream Street

Dream Street is one of those boy bands that flew pretty far beneath the radar for most people. Their first album released in 2000 and I distinctly remember the marketing campaign on television playing over and over again so that they were drilled into our brains. I guess it worked because I really wanted this album as a ten-year-old.

My friends and I loved Dream Street. I had their poster hanging on my bedroom wall (their album booklet unfolded into the poster). We made up dance routines to their songs. We even blasted the music through my friend’s house and somehow her parents never became angry with us. My most shameful confession about Dream Street is that we used to try and find their phone numbers to call them. Unaware that phone books are limited to local numbers, we would call random numbers to see if Chris or Jesse were home to talk. They weren't, and people were annoyed by our calls. 

One thing people probably don't know is that Jesse McCartney's music career began with Dream Street. I'm proud to say that he was my favorite from the group at the time, and vocally he is the strongest of the group. His voice had not matured yet so it is always fun listening to his performance with his young voice!

It Happens Every Time was their big single and the song most used in TV adverts, accompanied by the music video. What got me thinking about the song and the group recently is due to some unfortunate events. I learned back in July that one of the members, Chris, died in June due to complications with COVID-19. He would have been 35 this year. Chris was often looked at as the Justin Timberlake of Dream Street. He had the fancy frost tipped hair and swagger to him that the other members couldn't compete with. After the group disbanded, he never found success in the same way he did with Dream Street. He died too young and too soon. After his death, I started relistening to Dream Street and it was this relisten that encouraged me to write another Music Reflection. 

As with Stevie Brock from the first installment of Music Reflections, Dream Street's songs mostly center on their lust for girls in a way that is pretty uncomfortable looking back. These boys range in age from 11-13 if I am not mistaken, and their songs deal with mature themes that predate their young years. Not to mention that society has young boys singing about these ideas that they can't help their actions when they lust for a girl or they can't control themselves because a girl has them wrapped around her finger. Our culture normalizes this idea that men are vulnerable to female woes and that they can't help themselves. It is always a bit gross hearing young boys sing about it, especially before they’ve even hit puberty (i.e. Justin Bieber).*

It Happens Every Time is a song about...a song. It follows a boy who hears a "silly little love song" every time he sees this girl or thinks of her. This plane of existence, a magic place where angels sing all around them, is known as Dream Street (name drop!). Admittedly, this song is probably the tamest when it comes to the themes I mentioned in the previous paragraph. 

Now I won't lie, this song is a bop. I'm still unsure if that is the nostalgia talking or not...I will have to dig deeper some other time. But damn I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy this song. It is so catchy. The boys sing really well for their age. I am a sucker for listening to little Jesse McCartney belt his heart out. Jesse is the highlight of this song, getting a nice solo line toward the end of the second chorus followed by the entire bridge and some overlapping vocals in the final chorus before ending the song. He just sounds so good and I will admit to feeling a small sense of pride listening to him. I was there before his solo career and entry into Radio Disney hits and commercials all over ABC Family. Sometimes it feels like Dream Street is still so unknown that I can keep my memories of them all to myself. Though their time was short-lived, they stayed with me and so has this song.

Ordinary Day by Vanessa Carlton

Earlier, I talked about how difficult it was to acquire music before the internet. In the case of a song in a movie, there was a good chance that the song you liked would be on the soundtrack, provided a soundtrack was even released. Songs on the radio were difficult because you had to buy an entire album when you just liked one song, or make sure you had a blank tape ready to record when the song came on. Then there were songs you heard while out and about with no context. Those were the worst because you had to try and memorize the song and hope you found it somewhere, someday. That was kind of what happened to me with Vanessa Carlton.

It was her song A Thousand Miles that really gripped me as a 12-year-old. I loved it so much and heard it everywhere I went but never knew who sang the song or where I could get a copy. Eventually, I heard the song on the radio and bought her album...and ended up only listening to the three tracks I liked. One of the tracks, and my favorite of those three, is Ordinary Day. 

If my memory is correct, this song was never as popular as A Thousand Miles on the radio, but it was super popular on the internet. This album came out around the time I first started using the internet and discovered movie montages. I don't mean montages used in movies but montages made by fans on Windows Movie Maker, cut together with a somewhat fitting song. If you were a teenager obsessing over Disney or Harry Potter or...something, you know the songs that people generally gravitated towards with these videos (the band Trading Yesterday were a staple of these montages). Ordinary Day was a movie montage song (every time I listen to this song it reminds me of an Aladdin montage it played over (which I sadly can't find)). 

I decided to watch the music video for this song as I was writing this and boy is it a product of the early 2000s. Can we all just agree that the early 2000s were equivalent to that awkward stage of everyone's lives that we try not to think about? This music video is so clumsy and confusing. There are so many close up shots on Carlton and strange shots of people making out. Who thought this was a good idea?

But back to the song. One thing I appreciate about this song is how it builds itself up. The beginning piano is very nice but then it builds up with orchestration and I love it. I'm sorry I can't talk about it more but I won't embarrass myself with lack of musical instrumental lingo and knowledge.

The lyrics of the song are...ehh? The song is basically about seeing more in the ordinary and how the narrator is shown from an "ordinary boy." It isn't terrible but like the music video, a product of the early 2000s. 

I unapologetically love this song. Yes it is corny and it isn't as musically sophisticated as I would like, but it always makes me smile when I listen to it. I can remember listening to the song on my headphones on long car rides and with friends. It is just a song that makes me feel happy and gives me no reason to feel otherwise. 

All I Can Do by Jump5

Well...I'm surprised it took me this long to arrive at Jump5. What is there to say about this Christian pop sensation? Quite a bit actually. I was only obsessed with them for a good chunk of my early teens. Reflecting on that time of my life is strange because in hindsight, it was such a short period but it always feels like it lasted much longer. 

Everyone has that one band that they really connect with as a teenager that basically shapes their entire life and...well, yeah, that band for me is Jump5. I'm not kidding, I could write an entire book about how this band shaped my entire life (and believe me, I am working on it!). As much as I'd like to talk about all of that, we only have a short amount of time so let's talk about this song. 

As with Ordinary Day, this song reeks of the early 2000s. However, unlike Ordinary Day, the music video is much more successful in its execution. I couldn't believe myself when rewatching it...it is actually pretty darn good as far as music videos tend to be. 

Choosing what Jump5 song to talk about was pretty difficult because there are so many in their arsenal that I can talk about for long periods of time and connect to life experiences. But All I Can Do seems to be a special one because I'm almost certain it was the first track I ever heard from the group. As with Dream Street, Jump5 had a big TV marketing campaign for their second album, All the Time in the World (in which All I Can Do is the first track). It was their TV advert that put them on the radar for me. I vividly remember seeing the commercial at Christmas time. It was the first Christmas spent at our new house and I can remember watching the TV with my gifts and snow falling outside. At this point, seeing pop bands advertised on TV was nothing new. There were always new groups trying to make it big as other pop acts had before them. But other than my memory of seeing this commercial, it otherwise didn't leave a big impact on me. I wouldn't start listening to Jump5 until a few months later after getting into Radio Disney. And even after I got into Jump5, All I Can Do was never one of their songs that I gravitated towards. 

I wanted to talk about this song because of how well it represents Jump5 as a group. All I Can Do is their quintessential track, packed with energy and fun lyrics. But the track is also a representation of the group's core aesthetic of disguising "Christian values" as a pop song about a crush. For anyone who grew up on a Christian media diet (as I did voluntarily as a teenager), this is nothing out of the ordinary for this type of entertainment. In fact, it is basically a meme at this point. All I Can Do may be the least overt example of this from Jump5's library, but it is still an example nonetheless.

“It's like I got nothing to do but think about you,” (you being God), "I've got all the time in the world," (implying that time does not matter because in God you have everlasting life), "if you look at my heart, you'll know from the start," (meaning God knows your true heart and He knows from the start). I could go on but I think you see my point. There isn't anything inherently bad about this example and it is fairly harmless, but this isn't always the case when it comes to Christian entertainment.

Another trend from the late 90s' and early 2000s' was a pop group being a mix of both guys and girls but the guys rarely sang (A*Teens is another example that might come to mind). This song is dominated by the girls who share most of the song equally. The guys are hardly ever heard at all except when Chris gets his time to shine echoing the song's title over and over. It is easy to forget about them but alas, they are there.

Jump5 were known for their dance routines that they performed alongside their songs. They would often do cartwheels, flips, and very technical dance routines that blew many other pop acts out of the water. They also performed these routines live on tour, not just in their music videos. This dance routine is a really memorable one, showing the group doing a train-like dance which I remember performing with a friend. It is a lot of fun and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise! It was a lot of fun revisiting this track.

Is It Saturday Yet? by Nick Carter

Well here we are, at the final song, and boy is this choice...let's go with interesting. Nick Carter, known for his Backstreet Boy fame, recorded his own solo album after the group disbanded. What we got was Now or Never which is only ever remembered by the song Help Me, and even that is pretty forgettable. All that said, I owned this album and listened to it quite a bit as a tween. My most specific memory with the album is listening to it on a long car ride to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Is It Saturday Yet? is the seventh track on the album and out of the five tracks I liked, this was probably at the bottom. 

So why talk about it if it was my least favorite track? Well friends, this track is so bizarre that I question its existence on a frequent basis. It is insane how often this song gets stuck in my head and won't leave. 

The song seems to be about a disengaged teenager being raised by Jerry Springer and video games (video games got a low blow for warping kids brains back in the day. They still get blamed today but it isn't to the same extent) who just can't wait for Saturday to come so he can be rid of his responsibilities. The lyrics are...dumb. They are clearly trying to make a point but the song is so ridiculous that it is white noise. And why is it that Nick and Aaron Carter always have to reference each other in their songs? It was cute at first when Aaron did it in his classic track Oh Aaron, but now it is just old. 

"Is it Saturday yet? Cause I wanna get up. Is it Saturday yet? It just feels like a Saturday. Maybe it's a Saturday." Those are the lyrics in the chorus. It is a song so devoid of meaning and so lazy to its very core. It contains lazy rhymes and brutal instrumentals. This song is the reason so many people describe pop music as empty trash. Like, don't get me wrong, a lot of music on the radio is pop trash and is clearly put together by big corporate higher-ups to make a quick buck on teenage stars locked in a contract. But some of that music is meaningful and deserves to be recognized. This song, however, deserves to die a painful death. It is just terrible. 

And yet, despite all of this, the song somehow still appeals to me. I still listen to it. I still find joy out of it even though it is just awful in every possible way. I think that speaks to the whole point of these reflections on the music I listened to when I was younger. 

Is It Saturday Yet? may be the worst of the bunch, but a lot of music cranked out back in the day was mindless entertainment. As much as it bothers me, I won't lie and say there is no place for music like this because there is. Sometimes when I am driving, I get so sick of the music I normally listen to ("good" music) and I just want music from my childhood that won't make me think but will just allow me to bake in nostalgic goodness. 

Revisiting these songs was fun, but I know there are more I want to talk about in the future! Stay tuned! What are some songs you listened to in the early 2000s’ that make you feel super nostalgic today? Let me know in the comments!

* It should also be noted that the band broke up because of a lawsuit in which the majority of the parents of the band alleged that the underage band members were "exposed to booze, women, and pornography."

[heartsongcreations]

Journaling Supplies

Journaling makes up a huge part of what I do here, especially behind the scenes. I spend a lot of my work day every Friday working on journals and planners, so I thought that I would share some of the supplies that I use regularly.

I’ve had a few years to build up my collection before I started posting on this blog. Journaling the way that I do is a very active part of my business, which means that I put a lot more money into it than other people might. I don’t want anyone to be discouraged by what they see in today’s post, so I’m going to start with my basic supplies, then move on to the “extras” that I use for work.

The Journal

You need a journal to journal, right? That’s pretty obvious. The question is, what kind of journal? Does it matter? 

Well, no. It doesn’t.

You can start with any old journal or notebook. I started out with a basic Mead brand spiral notebook - you can get them at pretty much any store in bulk, especially around July and August when the Back-To-School sales start. That’s my favorite time to shop for supplies, by the way. I know places like Walmart and Target sell them for about $0.10 a book those months, and through the rest of the year they’re maybe $0.50 - $1.00. Nice and cheap, and they do the job just as well as any fancy, expensive journal.

Over the years I’ve collected spiral and case bound journals in a bunch of different sizes. I’ve bought them from $0.10 all the way up to $70.00. It can be a very cheap hobby, or a very expensive one, and it’s entirely up to you. 

If you’re looking for a new journal - maybe to follow along with the prompts and ideas here on my blog throughout the year, this is a good start. This link will take you to a 2-pack of hardcover, faux leather journals with thick paper for about $15.00. You shouldn’t have to worry about bleed-through even with Sharpies on these, but always do a test page for your writing tools before you start writing, just to be safe.

It’s not so expensive as to break the bank, but it’s a nice little splurge if you feel like spoiling yourself with a nicer quality journal.

Writing Tools

I tend to be very, very picky about my pens for journaling. I don’t like super cheap ones because a lot of the time they either dry out too fast or leave those ugly splotches in the middle of a letter. Yuck. 

However, for the cheaper end of pens, I’ve never once had trouble with Paper Mate. Right this minute I’m using these Paper Mate Profile pens, and they’re wonderful. They write very smooth, the ink dries quickly (the most important thing for me, as a lefty), and the colors are very bold, which is great for journaling and planning. 

You might be tempted to use pencils for your journal. What if you make a mistake? What if you decide you don’t like what you wrote. Well, you have every right to use a pencil, and they will last. After my grandmother passed away, I was given her hand written recipes, and there were a few that she’d written in pencil in the 60s or 70s that were still perfectly legible. 

If you do decide to use a pencil, I recommend a #2 or 2B, just like you use for your standardized tests in school (in the US, at least). They’re very cheap, everywhere has them since school children need them almost constantly, and the graphite is hard enough to limit smudging, but soft enough for a good, dark line. If you want it less smudgy, perhaps try an HB. You might have to pay a little more, depending on where you go, but it should help with a longer lasting entry. If you do decide to journal in a softer, darker pencil, I recommend investing in page protectors or archival quality clear tape or clear coat, to preserve your writing when you’re done.

Markers are also a lot of fun for journaling, especially if you tend toward a larger or more bubbly script. I’m a big fan of writing with Crayola fine tip markers - fine enough that you won’t lose your letter shape, but thick enough for fun, bubbly font. The only trouble I’ve ever had with them has been that sometimes the marker nib absorbs too much ink, and then it starts leaking everywhere and I get multicolored fingers and some ink splotches. You can usually avoid this with proper storage though.

Extras

What are some extra things you might include in your journal supply stash? Well, I have a whole bin of supplies, so you might be surprised.

Greeting Cards - You can get them for $1 each at your local Dollar Tree, and it’s easy to include them in your journal. Just glue or tape the back of the card to an empty page, and there you go. This can add color or pop to your journal, and you can find them in very simple or very extravagant designs. I have a bunch that have little pop-up cutouts on the front. 

Washi Tape - Yeah, I know, this is a little over done, right? Honestly though, the designs are really cute and I love using them on the edges of pages. If you’re journal includes things like lists or planning spreads that you might want to revisit, washi tape is a good way to mark those pages.

Stickers - I’m a huge fan of stickers and so is my fiance. I think I pick up a new sticker book at least once every other month, more if I can swing it. There are so many options, and you can find a sticker for just about any interest you can think of. Etsy has a bunch, and since the creators there tend to be small business owners, you’ll be helping them out instead of giving your money to a huge corporation (if that’s a concern for you). I also know that a lot of the time, if the store is 90-100% stickers? You can usually contact the shop owner and ask for a custom sheet. They’ll almost always be happy to accommodate you.

Envelopes - Like greeting cards, you can just glue or tape these in on a blank page, or inside the front or back cover. Including envelopes in your journal is a great way to store important keepsakes, notes, or just things you find that you want to keep safe.

----

This is a pretty basic list, but it’s a good way to get started. Almost everything I’ve listed here can be found for less than $10 (the linked journals being the only exception, and only because it’s a two pack). Journaling absolutely does not have to be expensive, and if you’re passionate about it, I’m sure that like me, you’ll acquire a larger stash over time.

[daehwifi]

STICKY NOTES . | LEE DONGHYUCK

- admin xion

genre: fluff (but really dramatic?)  group/member: nct/lee donghyuck ft. huang renjun  word count: 3, 260 (the most i’ve ever written LOLOL)  requested: jade attacking me with cute jisung/taeyong scenarios is a full on screech for a cute donghyuck scenario side notes: i love jade tysm for cheering me up when i was crying over something stupid PAHAHHHA @loveleehyuck // it’s a messy scenario 

prompt:  where you’re limited to a certain amount of sticky notes. you are able to write whatever you want on it and that note would magically appear in your s/o’s line of sight during that day

the whole ‘soulmate talk’ was treated as though it was the ‘puberty-talk’

it came with many rules like it was written in the government laws 

the light bulb of love (your heart) would ‘flicker’ when your soulmate is nearby, then magically, a set of sticky notes would be sent to your mail

your older siblings were scolded if they wrote something idiotic or harsh on their sticky notes towards their soulmate

especially since you are limited to a variation of 60 - 90 sticky notes 

you may think that’d be enough to get to know their soulmate and contact each other in real life 

but there was a catch to this whole dilemma 

the whole ‘soulmate’ thing won’t spark until you’re on your last sticky note 

and it’s possible for your soulmate not to like you back 

so within your 60 - 90 sticky notes, you basically have to fall in love with one another or else you’re destined to be alone  

unless you’re willing to go through the troubled some process of attempting to locate them in real life and start the whole sticky note situation all over again

a sigh escaped renjun’s lips while he slapped down a pack of sticky notes

“guess what came in the mail today?” renjun muttered under his breath

you stared at the pack of sticky notes that changed color for every 10 

“you sound disappointed for finding your soulmate,” you pointed out and nudged the pack towards him

“i don’t want to fall in love! that’s too much work!” renjun blurted 

“my mom and dad are gonna yell at me if i just end up drawing moomin in different poses through this whole entire set,” he added while carelessly flipping through the pack 

renjun and you have been friends for quite a while 

so, it was clear that you weren’t his soulmate

or else the pack of sticky notes would’ve come in the mail for each other quite a while ago  

“she might like moomin though,” you exclaimed, trying to enlighten the heavy mood renjun gave off 

“but- what if i say something wrong? i got a pack of 65 notes. all these 65 sticky notes matter,” renjun mumbled under his breath

he wasn’t wrong 

every single sticky note mattered 

“i’m sure she’ll like you back,” you commented and gave him a small pat on the back for reassurance 

another sigh escaped his lips before the bell rung 

he quickly took the pack of sticky notes and shoved it inside his bag before faintly saying bye and wondered off to class

“he really is stressed over it...” you thought to yourself 

on your hand, you’ve always wondered what that ‘flicker’ felt like 

a possible spark? 

fireworks exploding inside your stomach? 

you’d sit there and imagine what your soulmate would look like and sometimes, what would you even say on your sticky notes? 

you were left envious multiple times after hearing all the stories of your friends finding their soulmates

you were glad for them, but also jealous 

“how far away is my soulmate?” you wondered 

you aimlessly looked down onto the floor, getting lost into thought 

out of the nowhere, someone accidentally bumps into your shoulder and quickly apologizes before returning to their giddy self 

you turned around and noticed a boy wearing an in-n-out hat on top of his orange hair chasing after another boy 

to the looks of it, he was in the class that went on a trip to america together for three days for the end of the year 

(your class went to italy instead)

you only were able to see his back and found yourself accepting his apology although he couldn’t hear you 

right when you turned around and continued walking to class, the boy stopped his tracks and looked at you 

you both didn’t know why 

but for some reason, you both smiled to yourselves afterwards 

school soon ended while you stood on the heels of your shoes, waiting for the bus to arrive 

you heard a familiar laugh and looked at the sight, seeing the same two boys whom you interacted with earlier 

you finally saw the boy with the orange-hair clearly 

his smile was almost rectangular-like, but awfully admirable while his eyes formed up every time he broke out into a smile 

the boy standing next to him who was constantly throwing jokes (using some english phrases here and there) playfully joked about soulmates while nudging his shoulder 

“hey! we get it- you have a soulmate and i don’t,” you heard the orange-hair boy speak 

you tuned out of their conversation while the bus came to sight on the busy road 

the familiar bus pulled up at the stop and opened the doors while the bus driver greeted you with a welcoming smile

you took a special bus to go home since you were one of the people in the handful of students who lived ‘far’ away from school

it was more like a 20-minute walk for you, but there were no schools around your area even more so your parents encouraged you to take the bus the school provided 

you hopped on and sat down at your usual seat, staring out the black tinted window while the doors closed 

the bus passed by the two friends, but you couldn’t help but notice that the orange-hair boy and you made direct eye contact within that split second

or maybe you were just overthinking it 

you stretched your legs and cracked your knuckles before taking another sip of your water 

studying for three hours straight was obviously draining but you didn’t want to stop and lose your motivation for it 

the house was awfully quiet today

especially since your siblings moved in with their soulmate’s quite recently and your mom and dad were out for groceries 

to take a break from all the studying, you decided to go check the mail to see if anything new popped up (since it is the daily mail would come in)

you threw on a light coat and a pair of sneakers and headed out your door with your keys 

the mailman was at your mailbox with a small smile on his face 

of course, the two of you were mutuals after interacting more once

“anything new?” you asked while shoving your hands into your pocket 

the mailman nodded eagerly and handed you a small white box with a number on it 

‘60′ you read off the top 

you fringed your forehead and tilted your head in confusion

“that’s all the came in today,” he exclaimed before going off to the next house with a smile 

while walking back to the front porch, you attempted to slowly open the box and ripped open the tape on the sides 

but just as you were about to lift up the lid of the box, you could feel your heart rate increasing for an unknown reason 

being a bit cautious, you proceeded 

there in your hands, were 60 sticky notes 

you stood there in shock

meanwhile, your neighbors were making small talk with the mailman as well whilst him handing them their mail 

you could hear a small giggle while you turned your head towards them with slightly pink cheeks 

“congrats sweetie! you found your soulmate!” they congratulated 

of course, you came to school the next day a bit nervous

you had thoughts that it might have been the orange-hair boy but you didn’t want to boast about it and somehow be wrong 

the pack of sticky notes were in your bag and you lost sleep attempting to figure out what to write 

the weather didn’t seem to shine as much either, which only brought you to even a gloomier mood and made you even more stressed 

it was raining awfully hard, causing your breaks to be indoors 

whenever the class would get silent, you’d heard the sounds of the harsh water droplets, clashing against the mirror 

on the bright side, you were able to relate to how renjun felt about the whole sticky note idea

he was too scared and still hasn’t written anything

from hating the idea, to coming up with scenarios of what might possibly happened, the two of you were at a stump of not knowing what to do with your possible soulmates 

the question if they should write to you first floated around more than once as well, but only brought the two of you a bigger defeat 

you groaned in frustration from your bus being cancelled as well due to the weather

therefore, you were forced to walk home 

if the weather did clear up, the buses would still be cancelled since it was an official announcement and would practically confuse everyone 

especially the people who had already scheduled rides with their parents or their friends parents 

you had hope that the weather would clear up so that the walk home wouldn’t be even more gloomy 

there were signs of the sun shining through the grey clouds but it’d clash with rain despite the bright sun 

walking home at first was quite the bore 

you’d usually talk to the people who were on your bus, but they had all pitched rides while you were forced to walk home instead

you knew you way home if you were to walk

it was just bothersome 

with an umbrella in your hand, you held the pack of sticky notes in the other with a soft sigh

luckily, the raining seemed to get lighter by every block you’d walk in which resulted to a small smile appearing on your face 

but when you finally glanced away from the sticky notes, you found yourself stopping your steps and looked at the wall to your left

a sudden flash of ‘pink’ wasn’t normal to you on your gloomy walk 

it was a pink sticky note with text on it 

blankly, you turned towards it and took it off the wall 

‘...have you ate yet?’ you read

you rolled around on your bed holding the sticky note in your hand

in the other, you had your set of blank sticky notes and a pen 

you sighed out of frustration before screaming into your pillow and kicking your legs around like a kid throwing a temper tantrum 

when that flash of motivation hit you, you quickly wrote back on the sticky note and pasted it onto your wall before you thought twice 

‘no, i haven’t ):’ you read one last time before the sticky note faded into your wall 

not even a minute later until a orange sticky note appeared on the blank space of your wall that you were staring into

‘please make sure to eat!’ you read with a soft smile and forming pink cheeks 

you couldn’t help but roll around in your bed like a child, with a smile that didn’t want to fade away after exchanging a couple of sticky notes 

‘go to sleep... it’s getting late’ you read off the sticky note before yawning

it was a weird feeling you’ve never felt in your life before 

you felt as though someone cared about you so much although you rarely knew them 

your lower lip jutted out, causing you to slightly pout when reading that but you couldn’t deny the fact that you were getting a bit tired 

‘ah- wAIT DON’T GO TO SLEEP YET I DON’T KNOW YOUR NAME’ you read off of another sticky note that appeared suddenly 

your cheeks began to hurt from smiling too much while your heart rate increased 

maybe it was because you were under the influence of knowing that you’ve found your soulmate

but you didn’t want this feeling to fade away

‘i’m y/n! what’s yours?’ you wrote back and watched the blue sticky note fade away onto your wall

‘lee donghyuck ♡ make sure to remember it! now get some rest ):’ he wrote back cutely, making you smile for the 50th time 

you could feel your heart almost exploding out of your chest while approaching donghyuck with a sheet in your hand

he had forgotten to take the homework from his teacher 

you had the same exact class next and as she was handing out the sheets of paper with names assigned on them, she realized that she had forgotten to give donghyuck his 

when she was giving you your sheet, she asked for you to give him his sheet for her and you were forced to agree 

the soulmate gods were really playing with your heartstrings today

he noticed how his friend randomly stopped talking and his eyes locked onto yours

donghyuck turned around and saw a nervous y/n approaching him

he couldn’t help but cutely smile from ear to ear 

“y-you forgot your homework,” you softly spoke while handing him the sheet of paper nervously 

he accepted it easily but his eyes stayed locked on your face, which resulted to red cheeks

he admired all the little details about you and couldn’t help but fall in love even more 

donghyuck opened his mouth but he found no words to come out of his mouth because of how speechless he is due to your beauty 

meanwhile, you were panicked and become scared that you said something wrong (although you said one sentence) 

“uh- okay bye!” you quickly blurted and turned around 

but before you could run off in embarrassment, a soft hand grabbed your wrist and stopped you 

“donghyuck woah-” the boy who he was talking to earlier spoke in english

[i swear if you all don’t know who the heck this boy is it’s mark who else would blurt random english in a dramatic kdrama scene] 

donghyuck opened his mouth once more, but he couldn’t find the right words to say 

until a light bulb flickered inside his head 

he quickly let go of your wrist and rummaged through his bag that was laid on his seat 

he grabbed out the sticky notes and a pen and quickly wrote something down

he rushed over to a nearby wall and stuck it on there 

(although he could’ve clearly just gave you the sticky note but the poor bub was too flustered and couldn’t think straight with you around) 

within seconds, you found a sticky note appearing on the floor 

you kneeled down to pick it up and couldn’t help but smile like an idiot reading the message 

‘thank you (:’ written in the center

‘sorryicouldn’tsayanythingyou’rejustreallyprettyandmyheart-’ written extremely small in the corner  

“y/n! she replied to me!” you heard a familiar voice behind you 

turning around was renjun with a soft smile flailing a sticky note in his hand

he ran up to you, noticing your extremely red cheeks and how you were interacting with people he’s never seen before 

when you glanced at donghyuck, he looked almost jealous to see a male friend being comfortable with you 

‘you looked really pretty today i’m sorry i couldn’t talk i got too nervous’ you read off the sticky note that appeared on your fridge 

you smiled to yourself while placing it to the side and sat down to reply

‘it’s okay, maybe we’ll talk face to face without being nervous one day,’ 

‘that seems almost impossible because i get too shy around you since you’re so pretty’ he replied, with the text getting smaller mid-way of the sentence 

‘that was really cheesy i’M SORRY’ another sticky note appeared making you smile even wider 

throughout the weeks, you and donghyuck have been getting to know each other

the more you got to know him, the more you fell in love with his personality 

there were times where the two of you hung out in real life (in which resulted to be the cutest thing ever)

donghyuck would get all nervous and in the corner of your eye, you can see his group of friends pushing him towards you to talk to you

but once you guys break the ice, you feel so warm being around him as though he was your sun 

donghyuck would mention all the things you guys have talked about over the sticky notes and slowly become more comfortable with talking to you

when you’d go to the movies with his group of friends and yours as well, the two of you would sit beside each other and he’d whisper about how he’s tired midway

donghyuck would then help himself to your shoulder and lean against it because he’s grown that comfortable with you 

queue renjun groaning in the background about how cheesy you guys are before his soulmate kisses him on the cheek, making his ears go red out of the nowhere

whenever a cheesy pun would be mad in the movie, donghyuck would laugh softly and hearing that against your ear makes your heart race so much 

being with him overall makes you fall even more in love with him

even if the only way you guys could communicate was through sticky notes

you both came to a point of your relationship where the sticky notes began to lessen and you’d begin writing really small on the sticky note to fit more information down 

donghyuck ended up having four sticky notes left while you were  left with three

you were nervous- even more nervous than you were when this first begun but you knew for a matter of fact that donghyuck definitely was your soulmate 

beforehand, you were laying in bed simply staring at your ceiling and thinking about the whole entire soulmate thing

“what if donghyuck doesn’t like me in the end?” you mumble to yourself in doubt 

there was a small voice inside of you that told you not to believe that but a bigger voice that shouted that he deserved better in the end 

you couldn’t help but sigh and grow even more frustrated 

you could only talk to donghyuck through phone now

and it’s not something you’d complain about because late night calls with him are the best

but it worried you that if you don’t send the last sticky note, donghyuck might fall in love with someone else 

even if you did send it, he might reject and the two of you would have to go through this whole entire process again 

and you just grew so goddamn scared of not being able to tell him how you love him 

and that’s when the light bulb flickered inside your head 

you shot up from your bed and quickly rushed to your desk, grabbing the three sticky notes and a pen 

the same adrenaline that rushed through you the first time that you responded to donghyuck came back like a boomerang 

you could feel your heart racing but it was better if you did it know rather than having to think about it, then end up not doing it 

‘i’ you wrote on one of the sticky notes

you quickly pulled it away from the others and placed it onto your blank wall, watching it slowly disappear as your attention goes back onto the next

‘love’ yet again, you repeated the same steps

‘you’ you wrote without any hesitations before you quickly slapped it onto your wall and watched it slowly fade away like ink in water 

before you could even feel doubtful of yourself and begin thinking of the worst scenarios, a pink sticky note appeared on your desk one by one 

your eyes went across each one, carefully and admired donghyuck’s familiar handwriting the four sticky notes in front of you

 ‘i’ ‘love’ ‘you’ ‘more ♡ ‘ 

[vampyr-boyfriend]

2k Celebration

I’d like to do something more for the 2k celebration. In addition to you guys writing for me, I’d like to do some writing for you. I’m starting to get burnt out writing RED ICE, so I need to take a break. A good way for me to do this is to write for OTHER characters. I’m going to provide a list of prompts and characters, and you guys just have to send me a number (preferably not more than two at once as my brain can’t handle that), a character or two (or you can let me chose the character(s)), and what you’d like the pairing to be. (Please be sure to include what pronouns you want the reader to have if you chose a reader insert. If you don’t, I’ll default to she/her.) Please send your requests in as asks, not as comments on this post. I WILL NOT BE WRITING FOR CONNOR OR LOKI. 

I will write for the other DBH and MCU characters, as well as Markiplier and Jacksepticeye’s Egos.

The prompts are:

1. “I apologise in advance for the inconvenience my murder is going to have on your life.”

2. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

3. “Murder wasn’t on today’s agenda.” “It’s not on anyone’s.” “No, it’s on mine, just not until next Thursday.”

4. “Hold on, you died.” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”

5. “This is my life now. I have climbed this hill and now I will die upon it.” “Shut up. We’ve only been hiking for twenty minutes.”

6. “She’s crying, what do I do?” “Go comfort her.” “How do I do that?” “Start with hugs.” “With what?”

7. “What’s our exit strategy?” “Our what?” “Oh my god, we’re all going to die.”

8. “I’m going to need chicken blood, salt, five candles, and a bottle of vodka.” “Vodka? For the spell?” “No, that’s just to make me feel better about ripping a hole in the universe.”

9. “Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying?” “I don’t know, probably both.”

10. “I saved your lives.” “How? By stealing our freedom? Our minds? Our identity?”

11. “It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did.”

12. “I’m getting really tired of pretending I’m not evil.”

13. “Did you just agree with me?” “Oh I wish I could take-” “Nope! You said it! No take-backs!”

14. “It’s a long story.” “You conned me into thinking you were dead for eleven months. I have time.”

15. “I regret a lot of things. Having this conversation tops the list.”

16. “I had a thought.” “Oh no.” “I swear it’s a good one this time!’

17. “FBI, open the door!” “No. It’s cooler when you break in.”

18. “Do you think they remember you?” “I sure hope not after what I did the last time I was here.” “What did you do?” “You’ll find out.”

19. “You look…” “Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?”

20. “You scared me!” “Well, I am naturally terrifying.”

21. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

22. “I’d take a bullet for you, you know that.” “You’re immortal, and I’m going to kill you if you keep saying that.”

23. “You really have no clue who I am?” “You’d think the confused looks and blank stare would have answered that for you.”

24. “I am way too sober for this.”

25. “You don’t strike me as a professional criminal.” “That’s what makes me so good at it.”

26. “I don’t think of you as a protector. More like a distraction.”

27. “We have five people trying to kill us right now, what are we supposed to do?” “Actually, it’s more like eight.” “Oh, sorry I wasn’t specific enough!”

28. “If you could even comprehend where I’ve come from, you would be terrified of me.”

29. “I saved your life!” “You pushed me off a building.”

30. “You know we’re not all born with the ability to throw fireballs, right?”

31. “How do we keep getting into these situations?” “Eleven years of friendship and I still don’t know.”

32. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed.”

33. “Are you SURE I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes.” “What if I just break his nose a little?”

34. “You are remarkably well behaved tonight. What did you do?”

35. “You’re-you’re crushing my spleen.” “You don’t even know where your spleen is.”

36. “I’m no detective, of course, but I think this dead body might not be alive anymore.”

37. “Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge.” “Can I pick?”

38. “The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.” “I almost died!” “Ah yes, that was my fondest memory.”

39. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”

40. “Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!” “What do you want? A gold star?”

41. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

42. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you think it would be if-” “At least a twenty.”

43. “Literally everything about this is illegal.”

44. “Seven billion people in the world, and you’re overreacting because we killed one man.” “But-” “Seven. Billion. People. Now quit the complaining and drink your smoothie.”

45. “It’s not my birthday.” “It’s definitely your birthday.” “Give me a calendar. It’s not and I will prove it to – oh. Never mind. Happy birthday to me.”

46. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now?” “I’m hovering somewhere in the high thirties.”

47. “I can fix that.” “I’m calling a professional.” “I’m a professional.” “A more professional, professional.”

48. “What’s the word for that infestation of tiny creatures over there?” “Those are children. That’s a school.”

49. “I have a concern.” “Just one?” “No, but I didn’t think you’d let me speak my piece if I told you how many I actually have.”

50. “Why are you glaring at me?” “I’m hoping you’ll spontaneously combust.”

51. “If we die, I’m going to spend the rest of our afterlife reminding you that this was all your fault.” “That’s cool, I wouldn’t mind having company while being a ghost.”

52. “What are you so afraid of?” “You.”

53. “What is that THING in your backpack?” “It’s my new pet dragon.” “Dragons aren’t real!” “Then why is there one in my backpack?”

54. “I hate the sight of blood.” “Then maybe you shouldn’t kill for a living.”

55. “All that blood looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes.”

56. “Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?” “Oh god, we’re going to die, aren’t we?” “It’s a Tuesday, I know how to restrain myself.” “You absolutely do not.”

57. “I don’t give a damn.” “You give so many damns they’re visible from SPACE.”

58.  “It’ll be easy. You just have to seduce them.” “You’re kidding, right? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage.”

59. “You’re not as evil as people think you are.” “No. I’m much worse.”

60. “That’s a terrifyingly accurate drawing of us.” “It’s almost like I’m good at what I do.”

61. “You have no power over me.” “You sure about that?”

62. “This isn’t good.” “How can you tell?” “See how they’re slowly surrounding us? And they all have guns and knives and I think one guy is carrying a machete?”

63. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” “Actually he’s right in front of you.”

64. “I’m not a thief. I’m just really good at acquiring things that aren’t mine.”

65. “I’m not completely human anymore. Remember that next time you want to punch me in the face.”

66. “Is that blood?” “No?” “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”

67. “I never stood a chance, did I?” “That’s the sad part – you did once.”

68. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

69. “I’m not going to leave you.”

70. “Everything is okay.”

71. “I’m going to protect you.”

72. “I believe in you.”

73. “Do you feel guilty? Like, at all?” “I don’t have time to feel guilty. And neither do you.”

74. “Stop that!” “Stop what?” “Doing that thing with your face when you’re happy. It’s making me nauseous.”

75. “What are you doing?” “…Eating.” “We’re being held hostage and you decide to raid the kitchen?” “They didn’t say the fridge was off limits.”

76. “Is that a dead body?” “Maybe?” “It is. I can see it right in front of me.” “I promise I’ll clean it up before dinner.”

77. “If we’re going to get out of here, we’re going to have to work together. After that, we can go back to killing each other.” “Oh, fine.”

78. “That’s not funny.” “I thought it was.” “You don’t count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.”

79. “Do we need wine?” “No, I need wine, you need to put your pants back on.” “But life is so freeing without them.” “Pants. On. Now.”

80. “Can you please go be stupid somewhere that’s away from me?”

81. “I feel like I’m being stabbed.” “How do you even know what it feels like to be stabbed?”

82. “Will you be quiet?” “I didn’t say anything!” “Well stop thinking so loud.”

83. “Did you get my note?” “Of course I got it. You taped it to my forehead while I was sleeping.”

84. “You’re a psychopath.” “I prefer creative.”

85. “Why do people keep trying to put this blanket on me?” “Because you’re in shock.” “That doesn’t mean I need a blanket. It means I need booze.”

86. “Oh no.” “What is it? What happened? Who died?” “I think I just felt an emotion.” “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

87. “When all this is over, I want my sanity back.”

88. “That’s definitely not true.” “Of course it is. I read it on Wikipedia.”

89. “You forgot me.” “It was an accident.”

90. “Why do you keep risking your life? To prove a point?” “Yes.”

91. “I would like to join you in acknowledging the difficulties of your life.” “You are the WORST at this comfort thing.”

92. “You’ve got to stop doing that.” “What?” “Saying things that make me want to kiss you.”

93. “Look, if you want to conjure some demon spawn from the great beyond, that’s all fine and dandy. Just wait for me to leave before you start.”

94. “Just calm down!” “My leg just dematerialised and you want me to calm down!?”

95. “You know what they say, panicking burns a shit ton of calories.” “Who even says that?” “Me. Just now.”

96. “Don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the corner, having another existential crisis.”

97. “Oh my god, I had the exact same dream!” “Really?” “Are you crazy? Of course I didn’t.”

98. “I need to go de-stress.” “Where are you going?” “To demolish the living room.”

99. “I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”

100. “I’m bitter and complicated. It’s one of my charms.” “I don’t think you know what that word means. Or how to count.”

101. “I don’t know what the protocol is for revealing your secret identity so, hi? Surprise?”

102. You always think you know what you’d do when faced with the end of the world. Me? I went home and took a nap.

103. “Damn it, why aren’t you obeying the laws of physics?”

104. “I’d hug you right now, but you’re covered in evidence. And I also really don’t want to.” “Evidence is a really nice euphemism for blood, gore and guts.” “You’re totally missing the point. Do you know how pissed I am at you right now?”

105.  “This way is more efficient.” “This way is going to get us killed.”

106. “You’re not my favourite person today.” “I’m not your favourite person on any day.”

(There’s a weird cut here because I’m using prompts from multiple posts that I have saved. Sorry.)

107. “You’re the only thing left that is important to me now.” 108. “Please, put some pants on, you’re embarrassing me.” 109. “Oh, love, I don’t think you understand the meaning of sarcasm.” 110. “You don’t get to touch her! Not anymore. Not after what you did!” 111. “I think i’m going insane.” 112. “You’re the only one for me.” 113. “Honestly, if you wanted sex this bad you could’ve just told me!” 114. “I’ve come to the conclusion, that this house just might be haunted.” 115. “What makes you say that?” 116. “There was this perfect moment. This perfect moment where everything that I wanted was clearly in front of me… and i understood.” 117. “You broke my favourite vase!” 118. “I think we should get a puppy, and with this puppy we should become the stereotypical cute couple. As well as because I want a dog.” 119. “You’re crazy.” 120. “I promise that i’ll protect you.” 121. “I don’t need saving. Not now! Not ever.” 122. “You act as if you’re the hard done by. You’re not.” 123. “You cheated on me! What was I suppose to do? Smile and forgive you?” 124. “I think you’re worth much more than that.” 125. “I’d rather die than do that.” 126. “Did you ever wonder what brought us together?” 127. “Is… that really you? I thought i’d never see you again!” 128. “You had one job!” 129. “How is it that you’re a complete flop at everything you do?” 130. “You need to stop.” 131. “That lip biting’s getting a little out of hand.” 132. “If you continue to do what you’re doing, I won’t hesitate to come over there and stop you myself. 133. “Isn’t he just the cutest?” 134. “I want a child.” 135. “You still awake?” 136. “You’re probably the hottest stranger i’ve ever seen.” 137. “Never thought that all this would happen because of one tiny moment.” 138. “My clothes look good on you.” 139. “Is that my shirt?” 140. “Isn’t that a bit too big for you?” 141. “Isn’t that a bit too small for you?” 142. “I think you look absolutely adorable.” 143. “When I said you’re mine, I meant it.” 144. “He better only be just a friend.” 145. “Those short’s look really good on you.” 146. “Hey, they can’t hurt you anymore.” 147. “I… I lost the baby.” 148. “It’s all my fault, i’m so sorry.” 149. “My arms just fit perfectly.” 150. “You’re drunk.” 151. “I am not wearing that.” 152. “How did I get stuck here with you?” 153. “I swear, the world is against me.” 154. “Don’t touch me!” 155. “Get away from me!” 156. “Tell me you need me.” 157. “You’re not the boss of me.” 158. “We’re out of gas, what’s your plan?” 159. “You’re an ass” 160. “I’m on vacation, you take care of it.” 161. “Disney movies all day? I’m in.” 162. “Hurry up! Would you?!” 163. “Take the long way around” 164. “Can you shut up for five minutes, please???” 165. “He’s been gone for quite a while” 166. “I can’t see anything.” 167. “I heard a noise.” 168. “Where’s my food?” 169. “I bet you feel like an artist” 170. “Can I be of assistance?” 171. “Get out of the way before I murder you.” 172. “You’re breaking my heart, babe.” 173. “Cry me a river. Build a bridge. Get over it.” 174. “Another credit card?!” 175. “It’s just rain, you aren’t gonna melt!” 176. “Have you ever lied to me?” 177. “I’m stuck! Help me!” 178. “I swear, I’m not scared.” 179. “What do you think a cupholder is for?” 180. “You know when your phone buzzes, it means I’m trying to talk to you, right?” 181. “Turn that sh*t off!!!!” 182. “When’s that last time we went on a date?” 183. “I thought you didn’t like cats?” 184. “The door’s locked.” 185. “I’ll just tell your mom on you.” 186. “I thought you were nice.” 187. “I had a dream about you.” 188. “What colour do you like better?” 189. “Take notes, sweetheart.” 190. “This is where you impress me, right?” 191. “Pick up lines only work when I’m drunk.” 192. “I can’t believe you didn’t remember” 193. “If that makes me a child, so be it.” 194. “I could beat you up, you know that right?” 195. “Would it kill you to help people?” 196. “I bet you can’t go 24 hours without cussing.” 197. “But, I said I love you.” 198. “Is it just me or is cold as hell in here?” 199. “I’m not weird, you’re just basic.” 200. “Just sleep with one eye open, that’s all I’m saying” 201. “Take off your shirt.” 202. “We could get struck by lightning, but you want to kiss in the rain.” 203. “You’re never this quiet, what’s wrong? 204. “Sit still, for the love of all that is Holy.” 205. “I’ve seen terror... and you don’t have his smile.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #180

“why don’t presidents fight the war, why do they always send the poor?”

Do you study anything? If so what? Not currently.. Listening to music? What’s the opening and last lyric of the song? "From her throne of skulls rules our queen of endless might / and lead us the the kingdom of chaos where the dark hearts forever dwell" ("Dark Mother Divine" by Dissection). Are you a fan of sci-fi? Neutral. What’s your favorite musical? Musicals make me cringe. Have you ever taken an underwater picture? No. What was your favorite color when you was little? Has it changed? Red, and then pink when I learned it was its own color. It's still pink. Are you a fan of cheesecake? Omfg no Ever been on a ride and hated every second? I don't believe so. When was the last time you jumped? And why? biiiiih I have no idea. What color is the floor in your bedroom? Tan. Who’s the last person that slept over at your house? Sara. What color is the hair on your arms? Very light brown. Favorite color eyeshadow? Black is the only way to go. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more? Yeah. Who was the last person that cried in front of you? Did you do/say anything to comfort them? My niece or nephew, because we were leaving, and yes. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Did you feel embarrassed about it? Mom, probs. No. What was the last compliment you received from someone of the opposite sex? My psychiatrist said I was doing well with improvement or something. Does the person you love/like have any pets? Yes. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? No, things need to begin changing. Do you wear socks to bed? Who the fuck does that. Do you actually love your parents? Yeah. Do you like being in a relationship? Yeah. Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun? I don't tan. Are you taller than your mum? I think she's like, a half inch taller than me? What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall? If it has a Hot Topic, some band or graphic t-shirt. Do you prefer regular or diet soft drinks? Regular, as the artificial sweetener in diet inevitably gives me a headache. Tastes awful, anyway. How long do you need to get to know someone, before you’d think about having a relationship with them? I think this depends on how quickly and deeply you click. Would you ever consider going to meet up with someone you started talking to online? Already have, would meet more. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this? No. Do you have any friends you’d trust completely with your life? Sara. Are you failing any classes you’re taking in school? N/A Name one song lyric from your favorite song of all time? "In school, I would just bite my tongue, and now your words, they strike me down. The flags are false and they contradict, they point and click which wounds to lick." Do you know anyone who owns a pet chinchilla? Are they fun? No. Do your parents trust you alone with members of the opposite sex? Yeah. What is the most visited website you have listed right now? I'm sure it's YouTube. Do you enjoy singing? Why or why don't you like it? Sometimes, but I suck at it. Have you ever been in a talent show? What was your talent? No. Do you have a best friend who is of the opposite sex? No. What’s one song you’re definitely getting sick of at the moment? I don't listen to such songs once they get old. Do you know the full anatomy of the human body? Why or why not? No, because I've never specialized in studying it in its entirety. Have you ever cheated on a significant other before? No. Does your boyfriend or girlfriend have a pretty smile? ACTUAL SUNSHINE What is your favorite past-time or hobby? Why is this your favorite? Gaming, 'cuz it's the best escape from reality imo. Are you committing a sin at the moment? Which one? Sloth. Always. What do you consider being the worst curse word? I don't believe in "curse" words. Do you like kissing lightly better than just making out? I mean I'm pretty sure anyone would reply with "it depends on the mood." On average, how many songs do you listen to in a day? No clue. Sometimes many, sometimes none. Do you ever buy your pet(s) birthday or Christmas presents? Yes. Do you still own any VHS tapes? Do you ever watch them? Mom probably has old home videos. Otherwise, no. One thing you promised yourself you’d never do and then did? Not trying at all to be dramatic, but I seriously did promise myself I'd never risk loving someone again after Jason. Have you ever had to call 911? No. Have you ever rolled off your bed in your sleep? No. Do you get along with your significant other’s friends? I only know Tiffany, and she's great. Do you enjoy board games? No. What is the most expensive gift you have ever given someone? A promise ring. Describe your socks. I'm not wearing socks. I hate them. Do you believe in yourself? Sometimes. Do you feel bad when you kill bugs? Usually no... sadly. I should. If it was like a butterfly and insects of that sort, I'd feel awful. What is your favorite planet? Saturrrrrn. Do you have any pets that you had since you were born? No. Do you own anything that you had when you were a baby? Yes. Are you one of those people who are always cold? No, I'm like, permanently hot... Do you enjoy Mario games? Not especially. Things like Mario Kart though are fun to play with friends. Describe your signature: Legible but written waaay too slowly. What are some of your favorite card/board games? Battleship, Scattergories, Clue, Magic: The Gathering, uhhh... Do you own a gaming console? Which one? PS2, Wii, broken PS3 that I wanna get repaired, GameBoy, Nintendo DS Lite. What is the name of the last bar you went to? Never been to one. Do you follow any sports teams? No. How old were you when you attended your first concert and what was it? Ummm 17-ish? Alice Cooper. Which one of these words describe you the best: stubborn, impatient, hot-tempered, lazy, arrogant? Lazy. How about these: compassionate, forgiving, altruistic, honest, open-minded? Compassionate. If you had to choose one activity to do for 10 minutes, would you rather jump rope, hula hoop or hopscotch? My knees are baaaad, so all I really could survive is hula-hoop. What's the last TV show you watched, and do you relate to any of the characters? Ash had Naked and Afraid on at her house, but I related to neither contestant very much. If you had to compare yourself to one character from Friends, who would you say you're most like? Never really watched it. What is one movie you saw only once because you hated it so much? None solely for the reason of not liking it. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? THAT WOULD BE MY MOTHER UM LEMME THINK NO. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? None. Nightmares ruined my dad to a degree I don't think I can completely recover from, even with how close we are. Out of absolutely nowhere, I had another one that resulted in me jerking awake and literally giving out a short scream. I feel in my heart I should fully trust my dad and that his image is wrongly affected by my own fears, but I'm not very sure how to change that. Ever used a bow and arrow? Not a real one. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Fuckin FIGHT me "Picture To Burn" SLAPS. Give me a song that is underestimated/not well known: "Possession" by Otep. Otep songs in general. Does everyone in your family have a job? I'm the only one who doesn't. Name a reason you would most likely go to jail for: Probably killing someone when defending a loved one from being physically attacked, and there won't be enough evidence to show that I did it as defense or that going that far was justifiable. I have actually worried about this lmao. What kind of car did your parents have while you were growing up? A blue and then tan van, and Dad had a series of old, tan cars named Frida the Cheetah I-III. :') Do you tie your socks together or roll them up? Roll them up. What was your last bad date? I don't think I've had a bad one... Do you ever wish your birthday was on a different day? Yup, 'cuz it's occasionally Superbowl Sunday. What holiday would you want to have your birthday on? BITCH HALLOWEEN. Have you ever gone snorkeling or scuba diving? No. If yes, what’s the coolest thing you’ve seen? N/A What’s your favorite filling in chocolates? Fudge. When’s the last time you had a s'more? Some time after Sara's visit in June when we had some stuff left over. Does your best friend have any phobias? ... How am I blanking. I know some of her fears, but they're rational. Do you prefer the taste of lemon or limes? Lemons. What would you name your firstborn son? Probably Damien, or Severin. Do you cook anything you don’t like eating? I don't cook. What’s the last picture you colored? One I drew. What is the cheesiest way a guy could propose marriage? M'kay, it's always a man who proposes, I'll take note. But regardless, idk. What’s the first instrument you ever played? A recorder. Do you have an attic? A small one. Have you ever lived in the country before? My whole life. Do you drink coffee every day? No, I hate coffee. Have you ever stayed in a suite? No. Do you take good pictures? Sometimes, though I suck at manual mode because it's hard for me to tell when things are *perfectly* in focus. Have you ever been in a tornado or hurricane? Hurricanes. Do you have any bookmarks in your internet browser? If so, how many? Four. Do you know anyone in the military right now? I believe so. What’s your favorite show on Comedy Central? Don't watch it. How old is the oldest person you know? Uhhhh... late 80s? Early 90s? Do you usually go to sleep before or after the people you’re living with? Varies. Which band has the best name, in your opinion? Cradle of Filth is badass. Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? Have, none, had, Jason. Do you like where your house is located? No. What’s the best hotel you’ve been to? One right by the beach. Are you into designer clothes? Nope, forget those prices. The only I plan on buying something from sometime is Cloak out of relentless support for The Man and The Apprentice. Have you ever done any internship? No. What’s your favorite store? (other than Hot Topic) Do not attack me like this. But anyway, Rebel's Market. What do you think about tattoos on women? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA fuck you. Have the cops ever gotten onto you for anything before? No. Do you have a Myspace? And if so what is your screen name? It probably still exists, and idk. Do you have a YouTube? Yeah. Facebook? Yeah. Gaia? Idk what that is. Bzoink? No. What email thingy do you use? (yahoo, gamil, rock) Hotmail and Gmail. Do you own a cellphone? If so what kind is it? A Shitty Samsung™ Do you have a digital camera? What kind is it? A Nikon D3200, but I'm hopefully getting a new Nikon or Canon soon. This camera's just about toast. What is your most common typo? Ummm. Idk. I don't make many now as I have to type slowly on this annihilated keyboard. What happens now is just not pushing down hard enough, so I wouldn't really call them "typos.' What kind of computer do you have? My actual one is a Sager, but the one I currently have to use is an Acer. Do you have an iPod/MP3 player? Yes. Literally had it since the beginning of middle school. What is your favorite video game of all time? Silent Hill 2 for story, Shadow of the Colossus for gameplay. For overall, they're pretty much tied. Have you ever played Call of Duty? No. Do you play games on the computer? When I get the Sager fixed... How many doors are in your house? Windows? Doors leading outside, I'm guessing? Two. Windows... at least eight. Nine? Most are small, though. Do you have any posters on your walls? Of what? Metallica, a unicorn at therapy being told "you need to believe in yourself," Homecoming-styled Pyramid Head, Marilyn Manson, Illidan from WoW, Silent Hill 3, Jack Skellington, a music one, and meerkats. What kind of bed do you have? (fouton, twin, bunk) Queen. Is your bed comfortable? Eh. Where is your computer located? I only have a laptop. Other than a closet, do you use a dresser/wardrobe to keep your clothes in? I have a dresser. How many mirrors do you have in your house? (other than hand-held) Uhhh two? Do you have a garage? No. Should you be doing anything right now? What? No. Do doctors or dentists make you more nervous? Doctors. Did you ever think you were about to die before? Ha, in the fourth grade when I was writing my DARE paper and I accidentally stabbed my freshly-sharpened pencil into my left palm... I thought it was lead so I ran SOBBING to my mom about how I was going to die lmao. Then after I ODed, I acknowledged there was a possibility, but I didn't care to think about whether I lived or died to like... think either one. Have you ever really had a near-death experience? Was it cool? "Was it cool." Fuck off. There's no such thing as a "cool" way of almost dying. Anyway, I got in a car accident when I was young, but Mom's driving saved our ass. I don't know if you'd classify the OD as near-death... I apparently didn't take enough to where a certain ingredient became heavily toxic or something, plus I was fucking drowned in fluids to counteract the amount I did have in super quickly (or something like that), so I didn't really experience an "I'm dying right now" fear like I did when I saw the wreck coming. How often do you brush your teeth? Once a day. How often do you shower? (Come on, tell the truth) Every other day, or if I'm being lazy, I go an extra day and regret my decision. What body type do you have? Um not skinny help. What kind of nose do you have? It's kinda little. Are your eyebrows thick? Normal. What color eyes do you wish you had? A more sapphire blue. Do you have fat lips? I'd say they're normal. Do you have a long neck? No. What are your views on abortion? Ultimately, when all things are considered, pro-choice, but I believe in avoiding abortion as well as you can. Like, just getting one solely because you were being sexually careless is a no from me, but like, if pregnancy and/or bearing a child would be an incredibly difficult feat for you emotionally and/or physically, you have the right to put yourself first. Gay marriage? All for it. What different types of churches have you visited? Catholic and Christian. Who would you want to be the flower girl at your wedding? Aubree, buuut I doubt her dad would allow it considering there's a high chance I'm marrying a woman, and he's homophobic as all hell. Do you want to be married within the next ten years? Ideally. What group are you most active in on Facebook? I'm only in one, a WoW group. I rarely comment on anything tho. Are you ashamed of anything? Yes. What were your favorite Disney rides as a kid? I don't really remember them. What were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? Never been. Have you ever owned a succulent? No. Favorite type of tea to drink in the fall? I hate tea. If a brand were to sponsor you, which brand(s) would you prefer? *shrugs* Have you read the entire Bible? No. Do you make bucket lists for each season? No. What is the next hobby you want to start? I'unno... I guess I'd like to get back to reading. Do you dye your hair regularly? No, it's not something I can afford, especially because I want complex color combos. What makes you depressed? Thinking too much about my current life issues, above anything else. My brain confuses depression and boredom a lot, and I'm bored plenty. Loved ones being hurt or upset, and sometimes thinking about the future. Do you think you could ever be famous? Nooooo, I absolutely do not want that. Do you think you have what it takes to make it big in the entertainment biz? Definitely not. What industry is it that you want to go into? Art. Do you have a job now? If so, what is it? No. What are some jobs you’ve had in the past? Sales clerk/associate. What are some jobs you want to or would like to have? List five. Photographer, zoologist, archaeologist, meerkat biologist, artist. What are some jobs you have considered? Archaeologist, vet, movie director, game designer, movie editor, and now zoologist and photography. What are some health problems you have had in the past? That I don't still have? Lots of ear infections, high cholesterol, insomnia, and talk about embarrassing, but last year I had this random span of premature nighttime incontinence... that fucking sucked. What are some of the best medications you’ve ever had? The Latuda + Lamictal combo is one of the biggest reasons I'm still alive. What is your favorite vitamin? I don't have one. Have you ever made money off of YouTube? No. What was a video you watched over and over as a kid? OH MY GOD so Nicole and I watched "Before He Cheats" covers (why idk????) and she found this one of a girl lip-syncing along to a super sped-up version and we found it stupid funny. Have you ever experienced depression as a side effect? Yes; I have both bipolarity and depression, but taking anti-depressants while also bipolar ramps your bipolar symptoms the fuck up, so of course my times of depression were soooo much worse than they were supposed to be. Have you ever been suicidal as a withdrawal symptom? No. How old were you when you started wearing glasses (if applicable)? Some time in middle school, I think? Have you ever been told you have an accent? As a kid I really did; when seeing my NY relatives, they would always point it out lmao. Now I think I only super faintly do and it's only slightly noticeable with some words. Actually at the reptile con in Illinois, after a bit of talking, a girl I met asked if I was from the U.K. because apparently she detected a faint trace of B r i t i s h? Describe the last situation in which you had to give up on an individual? I've gone back and forth with Colleen so many times that I feel anyone who reads these knows the story. What are some things that cause you to abandon association with someone? Shoving opinions in my face, arrogance, disinterest in our relationship, closed-minded, just to name a few. When was the last time you made a new friend? Ha. What is the most unusual thing within your general vicinity? Ummmm I'm not sure. Maybe my python, as she's a morph? What are some things you enjoy that not many others do? Writing, reptiles and amphibians, conspiracies, looots of snow, foreign music, watching others play games, uhhhh. Are you one who considers preserving your past important? In some ways, sure, but not a lot. Focus on the present and aim to create a future better than your past. When was the last time you had some sort of a meltdown? I'm not sure. Some time last month, I think. When was the last time you were super busy? Psh. I'm never busy. Not always a good thing. What is a quality someone might not assume you have? Serious impatience. I don't think I hint towards that weakness until like, you see me in a doctor's office. What was the last thing you did that was healthy? Got a good night's sleep. What was the last thing you did that could harm your health? Drank soda oops. Do you know anyone who self-injures? Not in the present, I believe. Have you ever had to reside with an individual who had a mental disorder? Mom has depression.

[fictionpants]

Prompts List

List of prompts that can be requested (w/ or w/o a requested person/character) - [most of these are prompts I found on pinterest in the writing prompts tag - will be adding prompts continuously] - Also, I’ve made a little list of rules when it comes to requests: https://fictionpants.tumblr.com/post/186141917542/rules-for-requests

1. “I apologise in advance for the inconvenience my murder is going to have on your life.”

2. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

3. “Murder wasn’t on today’s agenda.” “It’s not on anyone’s.” “No, it’s on mine, just not until next Thursday.”

4. “Hold on, you died.” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”

5. “This is my life now. I have climbed this hill and now I will die upon it.” “Shut up. We’ve only been hiking for twenty minutes.”

6. “She’s crying, what do I do?” “Go comfort her.” “How do I do that?” “Start with hugs.” “With what?”

7. “What’s our exit strategy?” “Our what?” “Oh my god, we’re all going to die.”

8. “I’m going to need chicken blood, salt, five candles, and a bottle of vodka.” “Vodka? For the spell?” “No, that’s just to make me feel better about ripping a hole in the universe.”

9. “Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying?” “I don’t know, probably both.”

10. “I saved your lives.” “How? By stealing our freedom? Our minds? Our identity?”

11. “It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did.”

12. “I’m getting really tired of pretending I’m not evil.”

13. “Did you just agree with me?” “Oh I wish I could take-” “Nope! You said it! No take-backs!”

14. “It’s a long story.” “You conned me into thinking you were dead for eleven months. I have time.”

15. “I regret a lot of things. Having this conversation tops the list.”

16. “I had a thought.” “Oh no.” “I swear it’s a good one this time!’

17. “FBI, open the door!” “No. It’s cooler when you break in.”

18. “Do you think they remember you?” “I sure hope not after what I did the last time I was here.” “What did you do?” “You’ll find out.”

19. “You look…” “Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?”

20. “You scared me!” “Well, I am naturally terrifying.”

21. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

22. “I’d take a bullet for you, you know that.” “You’re immortal, and I’m going to kill you if you keep saying that.”

23. “You really have no clue who I am?” “You’d think the confused looks and blank stare would have answered that for you.”

24. “I am way too sober for this.”

25. “You don’t strike me as a professional criminal.” “That’s what makes me so good at it.”

26. “I don’t think of you as a protector. More like a distraction.”

27. “We have five people trying to kill us right now, what are we supposed to do?” “Actually, it’s more like eight.” “Oh, sorry I wasn’t specific enough!”

28. “If you could even comprehend where I’ve come from, you would be terrified of me.”

29. “I saved your life!” “You pushed me off a building.”

30. “You know we’re not all born with the ability to throw fireballs, right?”

31. “How do we keep getting into these situations?” “Eleven years of friendship and I still don’t know.”

32. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed.”

33. “Are you SURE I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes.” “What if I just break his nose a little?”

34. “You are remarkably well behaved tonight. What did you do?”

35. “You’re-you’re crushing my spleen.” “You don’t even know where your spleen is.”

36. “I’m no detective, of course, but I think this dead body might not be alive anymore.”

37. “Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge.” “Can I pick?”

38. “The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.” “I almost died!” “Ah yes, that was my fondest memory.”

39. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”

40. “Hey, I didn’t kill anyone today!” “What do you want? A gold star?”

41. “I hate you.” “Why? I’m lovely.”

42. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you think it would be if-” “At least a twenty.”

43. “Literally everything about this is illegal.”

44. “Seven billion people in the world, and you’re overreacting because we killed one man.” “But-” “Seven. Billion. People. Now quit the complaining and drink your smoothie.”

45. “It’s not my birthday.” “It’s definitely your birthday.” “Give me a calendar. It’s not and I will prove it to – oh. Never mind. Happy birthday to me.”

46. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now?” “I’m hovering somewhere in the high thirties.”

47. “I can fix that.” “I’m calling a professional.” “I’m a professional.” “A more professional, professional.”

48. “What’s the word for that infestation of tiny creatures over there?” “Those are children. That’s a school.”

49. “I have a concern.” “Just one?” “No, but I didn’t think you’d let me speak my piece if I told you how many I actually have.”

50. “Why are you glaring at me?” “I’m hoping you’ll spontaneously combust.”

51. “If we die, I’m going to spend the rest of our afterlife reminding you that this was all your fault.” “That’s cool, I wouldn’t mind having company while being a ghost.”

52. “What are you so afraid of?” “You.”

53. “What is that THING in your backpack?” “It’s my new pet dragon.” “Dragons aren’t real!” “Then why is there one in my backpack?”

54. “I hate the sight of blood.” “Then maybe you shouldn’t kill for a living.”

55. “All that blood looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes.”

56. “Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?” “Oh god, we’re going to die, aren’t we?” “It’s a Tuesday, I know how to restrain myself.” “You absolutely do not.”

57. “I don’t give a damn.” “You give so many damns they’re visible from SPACE.”

58.  “It’ll be easy. You just have to seduce them.” “You’re kidding, right? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage.”

59. “You’re not as evil as people think you are.” “No. I’m much worse.”

60. “That’s a terrifyingly accurate drawing of us.” “It’s almost like I’m good at what I do.”

61. “You have no power over me.” “You sure about that?”

62. “This isn’t good.” “How can you tell?” “See how they’re slowly surrounding us? And they all have guns and knives and I think one guy is carrying a machete?”

63. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” “Actually he’s right in front of you.”

64. “I’m not a thief. I’m just really good at acquiring things that aren’t mine.”

65. “I’m not completely human anymore. Remember that next time you want to punch me in the face.”

66. “Is that blood?” “No?” “That’s not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.”

67. “I never stood a chance, did I?” “That’s the sad part – you did once.”

68. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

69. “I’m not going to leave you.”

70. “Everything is okay.”

71. “I’m going to protect you.”

72. “I believe in you.”

73. “Do you feel guilty? Like, at all?” “I don’t have time to feel guilty. And neither do you.”

74. “Stop that!” “Stop what?” “Doing that thing with your face when you’re happy. It’s making me nauseous.”

75. “What are you doing?” “…Eating.” “We’re being held hostage and you decide to raid the kitchen?” “They didn’t say the fridge was off limits.”

76. “Is that a dead body?” “Maybe?” “It is. I can see it right in front of me.” “I promise I’ll clean it up before dinner.”

77. “If we’re going to get out of here, we’re going to have to work together. After that, we can go back to killing each other.” “Oh, fine.”

78. “That’s not funny.” “I thought it was.” “You don’t count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.”

79. “Do we need wine?” “No, I need wine, you need to put your pants back on.” “But life is so freeing without them.” “Pants. On. Now.”

80. “Can you please go be stupid somewhere that’s away from me?”

81. “I feel like I’m being stabbed.” “How do you even know what it feels like to be stabbed?”

82. “Will you be quiet?” “I didn’t say anything!” “Well stop thinking so loud.”

83. “Did you get my note?” “Of course I got it. You taped it to my forehead while I was sleeping.”

84. “You’re a psychopath.” “I prefer creative.”

85. “Why do people keep trying to put this blanket on me?” “Because you’re in shock.” “That doesn’t mean I need a blanket. It means I need booze.”

86. “Oh no.” “What is it? What happened? Who died?” “I think I just felt an emotion.” “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

87. “When all this is over, I want my sanity back.”

88. “That’s definitely not true.” “Of course it is. I read it on Wikipedia.”

89. “You forgot me.” “It was an accident.”

90. “Why do you keep risking your life? To prove a point?” “Yes.”

91. “I would like to join you in acknowledging the difficulties of your life.” “You are the WORST at this comfort thing.”

92. “You’ve got to stop doing that.” “What?” “Saying things that make me want to kiss you.”

93. “Look, if you want to conjure some demon spawn from the great beyond, that’s all fine and dandy. Just wait for me to leave before you start.”

94. “Just calm down!” “My leg just dematerialised and you want me to calm down!?”

95. “You know what they say, panicking burns a shit ton of calories.” “Who even says that?” “Me. Just now.”

96. “Don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the corner, having another existential crisis.”

97. “Oh my god, I had the exact same dream!” “Really?” “Are you crazy? Of course I didn’t.”

98. “I need to go de-stress.” “Where are you going?” “To demolish the living room.”

99. “I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”

100. “I’m bitter and complicated. It’s one of my charms.” “I don’t think you know what that word means. Or how to count.”

101. “I don’t know what the protocol is for revealing your secret identity so, hi? Surprise?”

102. You always think you know what you’d do when faced with the end of the world. Me? I went home and took a nap.

103. “Damn it, why aren’t you obeying the laws of physics?”

104. “I’d hug you right now, but you’re covered in evidence. And I also really don’t want to.” “Evidence is a really nice euphemism for blood, gore and guts.” “You’re totally missing the point. Do you know how pissed I am at you right now?”

105.  “This way is more efficient.” “This way is going to get us killed.”

106. “You’re not my favourite person today.” “I’m not your favourite person on any day.”

[miggy-figgy]

A Five Day Diary on Magic By Miguel Figueroa

Thursday, March 1st, 2018. Full Moon in Virgo. San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Words. The beginning, the end. The life giver and its killer. A word can make you or break you. Yes, the pen is mightier than the sword; but, are you aware of the power of your words? Your words are the first key to magic. Yes, to your magic. It all begins with you. How do you talk to yourself? How would you describe your life? How do you feel about life? How do you talk to other people? Did you know that your words are the key to unlocking your wildest desires? Words have the power to bring you what you want or the force to drive out what you don’t really need.

The first step is the intention you put to your words. Like the saying goes, you need to mean what you say. Go back and think of that first thing you wrote that was filled with desire? No, I’m not talking about a love letter. Your first declarations of magic were probably your letters to Santa Claus or the Three Kings. Remember them? I do! Remember wishing, and wishing, and wishing and wishing for toys, Nintendos, cassette tapes (if you’re an 80s kid), CD’s (if you’re a 90s kid), radios, computers, clothes, shoes, backpacks, trips - anything that you could dream of! And then, on that 24th or 25th of December or 5th or 6th of January, voila! Magic! Most of your first dreams came true. Well, your first materialistic dreams. But see, from the time you were a kid, your words were creating magic.

As you grew or grow older your words will start to take another on another shape - the reality is that they, due to life’s situations, will become jaded, bitter, sarcastic and downright depressing through time. You may start to think, “magic? Please…” You must know - and this is crucial as you purposely decide to dim your light - that your words are like magical seeds. Would you like white seeds for light or black seeds to feed your dark side? How do you want your crop to look like? Lush or barren? It all comes down to the words you say. Seriously! If your life is not 100% then you probably weren’t the best farmer of words. I’m not saying that you now need to start talking as if you were in a Disney movie, oh no. White seeds of word light also protect you, make you stand for yourself and open pathways that those pesky little black seeds were blocking from you. But, if you feel satisfied, loved, in tune with life and on an abundant right track - and I don’t just mean economical abundance - consider yourself a skillful wordsmith.

If you’re not in the best moment of your life, you may be asking yourself; “but, how am I going to find the right words to manifest what I want?” Look no further than to silence. Yes. Quiet. Hush. Zip it. Shush. Cállate. Tais-toi! Are you acquainted with that little voice inside of you that says: “I shouldn’t be doing this… I don’t think this is right… I think I should stop pursuing this or that person… I’m miserable at this job… If only I followed my dreams…” Listen to it!! Don’t ignore it! Your intuition is one of your best friends. This one has your back before anyone else does. You will find your answers in silence.

So, I encourage you to grab a pen (preferably red) and start writing what you want and do it from your heart! Not from your ego! You don’t need any Gucci sneakers to impress anyone. Whoever loves you, will like you for who you are, not what’s in your closet (although I think that’s not the best advice to give in a fashion magazine, but, what the hell…) Write down your dream job. Make plans. Write letters to people but don’t necessarily send them. Heal. Words are the basics of magic. But never forget… be careful what you wish for.

Friday, March 2nd, 2018

Life, as well as words, is the other most important component of your magic. To live is a magical experience. This is a planet that’s filled with magic and you are worthy to receive it and also give your magic back into the world.  

Let’s take it all the way back. Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start: your birth. The fact that you, those who around you and I are here in this moment of time is the most magical thing that can ever be. Walking is magic. Breathing is magic. Blinking your eyes is magic. The ability to read, recognize words, symbols, places and things are secret magic tricks of the universe that no one really takes time to think about. But, really… think about it, even if you’re just another cynical magazine reader, don’t you think all of that is magic? You may be thinking, “Oh, that’s all physiological and there are logical, scientific facts to all of that.” Yes, you are right. But, if you don’t sometimes see life through magical colored specs you really are going to miss out on all the opportunities that life is giving you at even this single moment to manifest your magic. Haven’t you ever had one of those days that you find money in an old jacket? Or that you run into a dear friend you haven’t seen in years? You land the job? You move somewhere you’ve always wanted to? Someone pays for your lunch just because? Or even, you’re in a long cue and someone says ‘oh please, go ahead, I can wait.” Luck! Serendipity! Casualties! All magic.

But, sometimes we may feel that there is no magic in our lives. You may think, “What does this person know about life? My life is a nightmare and I detest it.” Guess what? I’ve been there, probably everyone has and a pity party won’t get you very far. One of the key elements to having a magical life is to trust. If life doesn’t seem very magical to you at this moment, the universe is testing and pushing you to get a hold of your magic wand and start turning your life around. We all have the opportunity and power to do so. If you’re in a rut, a place of discomfort can seem as a comfortable, familiar and safe place to be. Leading a life like that will only suck the magic out of you.

So, what can you do to start making your life magical? Pen and paper. Red pen! Don’t forget. Your magic means something and it’s worth more than anything from the Louis Vuitton Supreme Collection. And believe me, I want a couple of things from it. Who doesn’t? If you’re content with life - you feel pleased, accomplished and you can look back and say, “Wow! My eight year old self would have never believed that I would be here now!” then you are part of the magic of life. I’m very pleased to have you on this journey with me.

It’s been a long day and I really should be getting to sleep, but don’t worry, I’ll tell you some of my magic secrets on the next entry.

Sunday, March 4th, 2018

In order to lead a life filled with magic, there are some things you will need to assist the process of creating the good kind of magic. It is my pleasure to share with you some of the helpers that I’ve found along the way. If you try at least one of them, you are in the path to magic. Enjoy.

1. The first thing you need in order to create magic is silence. Silence is key. It’s the place you go to when you need to sort out difficult questions about life and find the answers that go along the way. If possible, spend at least five minutes a day in silence. If you can make it up to an hour, even better. No, don’t worry about deadlines, looking at how many likes your latest Instagram post has. All of that can wait. You won’t find any answers there.

2. Meditation. Life changing. Magic at its purest form and one of the best ways to use silence to your advantage. Look it up - meditation works. Its been proven to alter the brain and nourish you so you can become a better version of yourself. I was introduced to meditation in 2013 by one of my magical sisters and five years later I’m still on it on almost a daily basis. There are many ways to meditate. One of the basics if you’ve never done it is to sit in the same place or chair each day for five to fifteen minutes and let thoughts pass along the way. At first it will be difficult, you will fidget (a lot), you will peep your eyes open to look at the clock and your head may tell you “this is stupid, get up, carry on with your day.” Don’t listen to it! Well, yes, do, accept the thought and let it pass by like any stranger on the street.

My path in meditation began with the Silva Method, a groundbreaking meditation from the 60s that uses alpha beats to help you connect, it’s main mantra is that we are here to make the world a better place so that when we’re no longer here, the world will be a better place for those who come after us will benefit from it. Powerful shit. Then there are numerous buddhist mantras to help calm the mind including from Om mani paddle hum to purify your ego, your jealousy, passion, ignorance, greed and aggression. Nam-myoho-renge-kyo to win over suffering, protect you from difficulties as you help yourself and others reveal their happiness.  Ganesh’s mantra, Om gam ganapataye namaha to clear your path and Laksmi’s mantra for prosperity and feeling yourself (it makes you feel really sexy!). There are just so many. Find the one that’s right for you. I’ve also heard great reviews from the Headspace app and during Hurricane Irma I discovered Yogaglo - a fantastic portal for yoga and meditations. I’m currently riding the Kundalini meditation wave.

In Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving, he recommends that you meditate twice, for 10 minutes each time when you wake up and before going to sleep. Close your eyes and visualize a blank movie screen. Another of my magical girlfriends and Kia Miller, my favorite Kundalini yoga teacher at the moment, recommend that you meditate in a space called “tween time” right during dawn or dusk. It is the moment when the Earth’s electromagnetic field is at its most powerful and you will be able to sink deeper into your meditation. How do you know that meditation is working? A good example is that something or someone who used to bother you doesn’t anymore. You’ll see.

3. Your intuition. Trust it. Really, really do. Your intuition is your body’s radar. We are all satellites. Even if it turns out wrong (like, for example, a lover you’ve been stalking for way too long and you finally have the guts to ask the uncomfortable questions and hear no) your intuition will help you clear shit that you’ve been dragging on for way too long, opening paths to better horizons. Don’t fear it! Listen to your solar plexus!

4. Repetition. Sometimes, in order for something to work, we need to do it again and again and again. Through repetition is how we learn our craft as magicians. Nothing that is good for you will come easily. And if you’ve been asking, “why does he keep repeating himself?” it’s because this is the only way to learn and grow! Practice makes perfect!

5. Speaking of repetition, notebooks are of extreme importance when it comes to magic. You NEED to put things in paper. No, not on your iPhone notepad or your super efficient planning app. A notebook is where things go down, where you plot, plan and organize. Notebooks are is the place where you plant your magical seeds. My recommendation is that you have different notebooks - one for daily planning, one for work, another for creative ideas/projects and a diary. A diary is sooooo important. It’s like visiting the shrink. No, it’s not stupid to be a 35 year old man who keeps a diary; oh no, honey, that’s where you go and release your demons and become a better person along the way. Wake up and jot down three pages daily. You’ll see results quicker than a ray of light. And don’t think, “four notebooks?! Is he crazy?” You probably have 30 half used bottles of moisturizer lying around in your bathroom. Now, that’s nuts! Start writing. As soon as you finish reading me or tomorrow morning just get to it. PS: It’s a great way to meditate!

Time for the Oscar’s! See you tomorrow!

Monday, March 5th, 2018.

Let’s continue. 6-7-8-9. Your space is crucial for the creation of magic. In order to get things going you first must declutter, clean, cleanse and organize your room, apartment or home. Clean it from the inside out. Do it in silence (meditate!), this is a great way to gather and organize ideas. Once you’re done, take a shower, drink two glasses of water, room temperature to control your mile a minute mind, eat oranges and nuts to gather strength. A nourished body is always important. Once you’re done then maybe you can indulge a little. Don’t forget that your body is your spirit’s home. An unkempt temple will only gather dust. Clean it out. This is your magic’s headquarter.

Also, practice some sort of sport. You must keep your brain balanced. If you’re sluggish, try a dance class. If you’re on the firecracker side, go to your nearest yoga studio to come down. Do these at least three times a week. If you can combine them with a personal trainer, this will be even better for your mind’s control and organization. Plus, you’ll get hotter in the process. Who doesn’t like a sexy wizard?

10. I also must stress that you start going to a shrink. Finding the right one is sort of going on a date, but when you find the one, you will know. No, you are not crazy for going to one. You are actually a few steps ahead once you start opening up to a shrink. He or she will give you unbiased opinions to any topic or situation that is bugging your mind. Don’t forget that you need to declutter everything. Ask around, I’m sure you know a friend who has one. Mental health is great for magic. I’m currently in an open relationship with two shrinks - one for when I need to be more spiritual, another for when I need to be logical. Taking care of my mental health has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. You won’t regret it.

11. By now you may be thinking - but what about objects? Knickknacks? Magic trinkets? Why hasn’t he written about what we see in movies or witchy Tumblrs? Start by getting some candles. White ones for protection and to pay respect for your ancestors, they are watching over you. Keep white flowers next to it. Pink candles are great for love. Green for prosperity. Red for more serious protection - they act as bodyguards to your spirit. If you’d like to know which candle works best for you, investigate and keep it to yourself. Magic is private.

12-13. Get your hands on some palo santo and/or sage to clear any space from negative vibes or sadness. They open pathways and help you on your course. If you’ve been in a situation where there are too many negative people around, as soon as you get home, take off your clothes and sage your body from the head on down. Call on your guardian angels for support. Bad vibes be gone!

14-15. Quartz and stones. Also very private. Don’t let anyone touch them! White quartz is the OG stone. They are pain healers, mood stabilizers and overall protectors of your space. Keep it next to your bed. Rose quartz bring love and balance - keep one under your pillow when your head is going into crazytown. If you find Lapis Lazuli it means that you are ready to open the door to your universe, taking you to your true destiny and life focus. Malachite absorb past negative energy and clear you of it. Eye of the Tiger protects you when you go out into the street (it was used by Roman soldiers when they went into battle) and I’ve heard that pyrite is quite powerful for visualization. Charge your stones during the full moon and set an intention - please, be in a good mood when doing so, otherwise your stone will absorb you bad energy!! Compose yourself (meditate!) and get to work. Some need to be washed in salt water, others in fresh water. If you have access to the ocean, sea or river even better. Bathe nude, hold your stones near your chakra points and recharge. Power!

16. If you happen to be in a bookstore and a tarot deck call your attention, purchase it immediately. The tarot is a great guide. Follow its instructions and begin to learn how to read them. Give yourself a reading when the going gets tough, on full moons and before important events. Write down the reading in your magic journal. Some people say that you should draw a card each day to see how the day will be, but I, as an obsessive person chose not to. Offer readings to your friends. Don’t take it personal if they decline. Also, don’t ask the same question over and over. Tarot don’t play. Also, learn about the iChing. I suggest you follow Bobby Klein’s, it’s a great guide to your week.

17. Invest in any or all of these books: The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm Zen in the Art of Archery, Eugen Herrigel The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz The Master Key System, Charles Haanel A Lotus Grows in the Mud, Goldie Hawn Reconciliation. Healing the Inner Child, Thich Nhat Hanh The Alchemist, Paulo Cohelo The Ethical Slut, Janet Hardy Whatever You Think Think the Opposite, Paul Arden Light on Yoga, B.K.S Iyengar The Invisible Actor, Yoshi Oida Any book by Alejandro Jodorowksy Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

18. Drugs. I haven’t touched anything in over a year and barely drink anymore but I recommend - in moderation - sativa strains of marihuana (I loved edibles) and shrooms.

19. The word “No”. You have no idea how much magic that one word has.

20. Time. You may be thinking, “I don’t have time for all of this! I have a life.” I hate to break it to you, but there is no life without magic. Once you start taking the time to do some of these things, your life’s schedule will organize based on your self-love, self-care needs. Trust me.

21. And last, but not least… all the magical people you will find along the way. Don’t take them for granted. You’ll know who they are.

But please, beware. Don’t take your magic lightly. The seventh rule in the Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth, written by Anton Szandor LaVey in 1967 states, “Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after calling upon it with success you will lose all you have obtained.” Magic can become powerful beyond measure. No, forget I said that. Magic is powerful beyond measure and you must use it to your best advantage. I truly recommend that you do not engage in black magic. Love spells won’t last long and you will suffer the consequences. But, as in anything in life, it will all be a cycle. Things go up, they go down, they’ll calm down for a while and before you know it, they will be up again. Use your words carefully. Always speak from the heart. Never say something you don’t mean. Magic can’t be fooled. As in anything in life, magic is a constant learning experience. You will learn from your mistakes and eventually and hopefully you will do better. Trust your instinct around those who will try to steal your magic. If something doesn’t click, don’t push it. All of us have the power to create and destroy. Don’t dull your magic recurring to hard drugs for inspiration. Yes, cocaine and amphetamines have created some of the best songs in history, but you’ll have to pay a price. You must destroy unhealthy patterns of addiction and thinking habits in order to create and bring forth the light. Rest and recharge are required. Magic is like a gas tank - from full to empty and ready to go once refilled. As your magic grows, your ego will try to inflate - keep it checked. Magic is a humbling, compassionate, fulfilling and rewarding experience of love.

Wednesday, March 7th, 2018. Boquerón Beach.

I’ve always been a wildflower. Even as a kid, I could never stick to one clique. It just felt strange. Why are you going to stick to the same group of people all the time? How am I supposed to discover new things? Honest, trustworthy friendships will be of utmost importance during your quest and creation of magic. Friendships will come and go. As you grow older they will evolve as your mind, feelings and lifestyle develop. Don’t be afraid to lose friends along the way. Maybe from your childhood, teens and early adulthood you will keep a handful of friends who will know you so well that it will feel like coming home. True friendships don’t reprimand, get jealous nor make you feel guilty because you have decided to expand your circle. In fact, they will most likely celebrate it as you celebrate their evolution as well. Sometimes it will take years for your roads to re-converge but the best part will be that you will pick right where you left off.

Once you start defining yourself as an adult you will start to make friends serendipitously through your tastes, work ethics and places you usually run into. In an age where people are looking down into their screens basically all day, take some time to look around and notice people. Maybe you won’t see anyone on a specific day, but if you do, you’ll feel it and that person will probably do as well. Say hello, compliment them. “Nice hat/jacket/shoes/hair… whatever.” Do this specifically if you live in a big city. One day, one of my magical friends gave me a big lesson as we rode the subway somewhere in New York. There was this gorgeous older black woman with fantastic style. He went up to her and said, “I love your look.” Her face lit up, she said thank you and complimented us. As the three of us reassumed our trips, he turned to me and softly said, “This is a lonely city, filled with people who probably haven’t spoken to anyone in days or even weeks. If you see someone who calls your attention, compliment them. Don’t think twice.” For the next three years while living in New York, I did this at least once a day, even on days when I felt miserable. It feels good, human and magical. I was never refused the compliment and usually I got a genuine compliment back. I happily share this with you. By the way, you look good!

Work with your friends. Share your hard earned money with them. Purchase their art, their products and services. Magic is energy and money is energetic magic. Upon starting a project for the first time, reach out to the people you know and admire the most according to what they do. This will birth another magical chapter in your friendship. If they are busy, decline or forget about it, don’t fret, you have the right to do this as well. But please, do not ever, ever, ever, ever, ever abuse or let anyone abuse you or them with your or their power. Their magic or your magic will start to fade and, I feel, that no one wants that.

Sometimes, you will go through rocky moments with your friends. You’ll disagree, fight and separate. It’s alright. Both your energetic fields are drifting somewhere else and you need to accept this. It won’t be easy at first but eventually you will start to forgive them. As you begin to make peace with what happened, you will begin to compose a letter to them in your thoughts, maybe you’ll send it and/or have the guts to say “I’m sorry.” It’s not easy but it’s magic at its purest form. Your thoughts will have magically reached your friend and their most likely response will be “Oh, I forgave you a long time ago!!” Start re-building this friendship slowly. If they never write back it means they love and forgive you but don’t have the strength to say sorry yet. If they lash out in anger, forgive them and walk away. This person was never your friend. Take your time to forgive and don’t do it right away. By the way, this applies to intimate relationships as well.

There will also be times of personal retreat and silence where all you want is to be with yourself. Go to the movies, take yourself out on dinner dates, go to a museum, walk and walk and walk around. Read books, listen to your favorite music, watch porn and masturbate - but don’t go on dating apps for too long. After my last heartbreak, I found myself spending a lot of time alone. One day, during my usual walks along the park, I came across a beautiful tree which I was able to climb and was strong enough to hold me in its branches. I spent hours looking up at its leaves and one day I started to notice how the branches branched out and thought about myself and my friendships - some were longer, sturdier while others were starting to grow and branch out on to other places as well. The tree let me cry, sheltered and held me. I could go and eat, read books or write with him in silence and even let me go on a date on top of him. This tree became my new best friend. As I write this, I can’t help but remember him fondly. I hope I get to see him again during this lifetime.

Never forget that you are your source of magic and that you are your original best friend. Love and forgive yourself. It may take years of practice, but that’s when magic begins to grow. Now go on and do your thing.

[musicoccurred]

Mixtapes

The mixtape, a word that is dependent on who's using it and when. I'm middle-aged and came up in the 80s and 90s so it means something different to me than a kid today or a band camp rapper. Having said that, let's take a look at the different usages of mixtape and see if we can crown a winner of the top type of mixtape.

For those of us with achy knees and patches of gray in our hair, a mixtape was, first and foremost, actually on a tape. Now there were themes involved just as there are now with some of the others I'll mention in a bit. For instance, every Sunday there was Rick Dees Weekly Top 40 radio show. I would often drop a blank cassette in my boom box and hit record. I would then go watch TV in the living room and keep an ear out for the telltale 'click' of the tape running out. I'd run back to my room, flip the tape, and hit record again. You have to understand, before the internet, geez that never not sounds old, the radio ruled. Even with albums, cassettes, and later CDs you still listened to the radio all the time. That's why I love XM so much, there's something about having someone curate music for you. And even today with every song available at the tap of a finger there's something awesome when your jam comes on the radio. It just hits different. I digress. So now at the end of the countdown you have the top 40 songs of the week, or however many you had enough tapes for... You can now make a mixtape of your favorite tracks. Radio also had "Request and Dedication" shows where you could call in and request a song and give a little dedication to your amore. You could record that and toss it at the beginning of the mixtape and good things happen. Another type would be artist specific. Say you were a Michael Jackson fan, you could take Off the Wall, Thriller and Bad and make a tape of your favorite songs from each. Another would be genre, when I was first getting into blues and jazz, I'd borrow tapes from my Mom and friends to make mix tapes. And last but not least, the mixtape for your love interest. These were the ultimate, you'd diligently record songs from the radio and mix in a song or two from either an artist she didn't know or an obscure song from a known artist to show you were a deep brother. You weren't done yet! You'd then work hard on the label and of course the note to go along with those 10 songs that perfectly sum up your feelings for that person. On a side note, I'd like to take this opportunity to say if you were the object of my unrequited affection and received one of these, I apologize. Unless you liked it, then, hey girl.

Next up we have the burned CD mixtape. It is the evolutionary cousin to the cassette mixtape. While it took a while for CD burners to become ubiquitous, they eventually showed up, primarily in PCs. What was lost in recording from the radio was picked up by being able to download from Napster and pass along. Additionally, you could write or draw on the CD itself and the labels, if you went that route, were larger for track listing and any other info you wanted to toss in there.

Now we're moving on to the streaming portion of the discussion:

Note: I'm using playlist and mixtape interchangeably here.

One step removed from the burned CD and what seems lightyears beyond the cassette technologically is the custom, personally curated playlist. This can be a playlist you do for yourself; I have several in Spotify. I will sometimes dump an entire artist's collection in there to shuffle, or perhaps include only the tracks I like best. I also have one for jazz and one for funk called 'greasy.' But in the spirit of this piece, I'm thinking of a playlist that you create for someone else and share the link with them. I actually like this, not only can you send them a custom mix of songs that can express how you feel about them, but you can update the playlist anytime. It can be romantic or simply sharing new tunes with a homie.

Next, we have the algorithmically created playlist. When you sign in Spotify (I'm assuming other services offer similar features) and you get the daily list or the multiple "just for you" selections, this is what I'm referring to. Spotify uses the data from your listening habits to create playlists with songs from artists they think you'll like. It's pretty accurate with a few swings and misses. I have to say I'm a fan of including these playlists as well as listing other artists similar to the one you're listening to. I've discovered so many new bands this way. Alternatively, there are playlists that are created based on other factors. I work out with playlists on Spotify and XM such as Hip hop workout or Lithium Workout. These are likely created based on a beats per minute count. Some don't really fit the workout but have a faster beat. Overall, I like this style of mixtape/playlist.

Finally, we have the artist mixtape. This is generally hip hop but isn't necessarily limited to any specific genre. I relate it to an EP being released prior to an LP back in the day. Some of these have very rapid turnarounds, like a day or two so sometimes the quality of the mix isn't that great but topically it's right on time.

So how do these rank in terms of which mixtape format is best? Let's find out!

5. Artist Mixtape - This may be one of those "not for you" cases but I'm not a fan of most of these I've heard. Some are pretty good, but most feel rushed or worse, don't have a cohesive feel to the tracks. The ability for artists to drop tracks near instantly is pretty amazing and I do like the idea of it. We'll see how that continues to develop.

4. Algorithmically created playlist - While I use these pretty much every single day, they lack the human touch - hello, algorithm - which is what makes the mixtape great.

3. Burned CD - I probably surprised you here with this at number 3. I do think it has a lot of strengths and is still a physical object that gives the human touch. But there were some issues. If you're old enough to have gone through the burned CD era, you'll know the pain of burning a CD for it to simply not work. Sometimes the person you gave it to had a CD player that wouldn't play those or you needed a CD -R or +R or RW, it was awful.

2. Personally curated playlist - While fully digital and not that personal this does have the ability to add and remove songs as you go. Plus, when you email the link to the person you can toss in a nice note about how you thought about them when making it.

1. Cassette - I mean come on, it's called a mixTAPE right? Clear winner here. Yeah, I'm old but there was something about it.

Epilogue:

I listen to either streaming music or records. I'm resisting the urge to get back into cassettes even though I have a couple decks and tapes. My cassette collection didn't survive growing up. Honestly, I have no idea where they went. I still have my CDs but before I would play a CD, I would stream it. There's something human about playing a record or a cassette. We are a touching, feeling creature and it means something to flip that tape over or to hold the liner notes on a record. I think that's lost on the younger folks. As everything is digitized and available on a screen it loses some of its meaning. I like buying concert tickets online but man, there's something about lining up at Macy's or JC Penney's or wherever your ticket office was and buying a physical ticket they handed you. When I have the option, even if it's a couple bucks more I still try to get physical tickets. In 20 years, I can look at that stub and remember the show, I can't do that with a barcode on an app.

What's your favorite format or mixtape/playlist?

-js

[bongaboi]

I rewatched every fourth quarter Tom Brady has played in a Super Bowl. Here’s what I saw

I rewatched every fourth quarter Tom Brady has played in a Super Bowl. Here’s what I saw By Chad Finn Globe Staff,Updated February 5, 2021, 9:59 a.m.

Of all the Patriots’ staggering achievements in their two-decade dynasty, there’s one obscure statistic that I struggle to comprehend.

In their nine Super Bowl appearances, they never scored a first-quarter touchdown, and in fact scored just 3 points in the opening quarter in total, a Stephen Gostkowski field goal in Super Bowl LII versus the Eagles.

Given the potency of their offenses through those years, that makes no sense. But it’s also a reminder of something else: Tom Brady and the Patriots usually made the magic happen in the fourth quarter.

With a little bit of envy kicking in that Brady — who was supposed to be in the fourth quarter of his career a decade ago — has taken a new team to the Super Bowl, I thought it would be cathartic to rewatch the fourth quarters of all of Brady’s Super Bowl appearances, to relish what we remember, and remember what we forgot …

SUPER BOWL XXXVI: Patriots 20, Rams 17 Score at the start of the fourth quarter: Patriots 17, Rams 3

Random observation: Willie McGinest didn’t so much hold Marshall Faulk as he did maul him like a hungry bear catching up to his prey. His fourth-down penalty with 10:09 left negated Tebucky Jones’s 90-plus-yard touchdown return of a Kurt Warner fumble. (Tebucky sure could run fast in a straight line.) That TD would have given the Patriots a 23-3 lead, point-after pending. Instead, the Rams scored on the next play and it was game on. McGinest is a cornerstone of the dynasty, but he came awfully close to Schiraldian infamy there.

Stuff I forgot: Rookie left tackle Matt Light went down with an injury, and it was Grant Williams (no relation to the current Celtic) who was protecting Brady’s blind side … Drew Bledsoe inexplicably started warming up with 4½ minutes left … Brady was nearly sacked on the first play of the winning drive, before stepping up and completing the first of his three passes to unheralded hero J.R. Redmond.

Coolest moment: I mean … all of it? I suppose I could say Pat Summerall’s minimalist call of Adam Vinatieri’s upright-splitting 48-yard field goal, a moment both cathartic and unbelievable for longtime Patriots fans. But if we’re talking cool, it has to be Brady’s casual spike and catch of the football to stop the clock for Vinatieri’s winning attempt. Joe Namath was a hopeless dork-for-life compared with Brady’s cool in that moment.

SUPER BOWL XXXVIII: Patriots 32, Panthers 29 Score at the start of the fourth quarter: Patriots 14, Panthers 10.

Random observation: Though it was a weird game that didn’t have much rhythm or flow, it was shocking to look up with 6:53 left and see that the Panthers were all of a sudden leading, 22-21. They took the lead on an 85-yard pass from Jake Delhomme to Muhsin Muhammed, who ran past Ty Law in zone coverage and left late-arriving safety Eugene Wilson (who had an outstanding rookie year) collapsed and injured on the turf. The attrition in the secondary got worse when Rodney Harrison busted his forearm in the final minutes. If you remember that Shawn Mayer was one of the Patriots’ safeties in closing out that game, I’m going to suspect you’re his relative.

Stuff I forgot: Christian Fauria made a nifty catch (especially for a future sports radio host) that would have given the Patriots a 21-10 lead seven seconds into the fourth quarter, but the play was blown dead because of a Panthers penalty before the snap … David Givens overpowered Panthers defensive backs to make a couple of catches on the touchdown drive that put the Patriots up, 29-22, inside three minutes. If you didn’t like Givens, you weren’t paying attention … McGinest picked up an illegal-use-of-hands penalty midway through the quarter when he more or less folded Steve Smith in half while jamming him at the line. He hit him so hard Faulk probably felt it, wherever he was.

Coolest moment: Vinatieri’s second Super Bowl-winning field goal. He had a rough game to that point, with a miss and a block, and with just under six minutes, analyst Phil Simms said, “I don’t know that the Patriots are feeling very confident about that field goal situation.” Ah, we all knew Vinatieri would make the big one when the time came, Phil. He was just adding a little suspense.

SUPER BOWL XXXIX: Patriots 24, Eagles 21 Score at the start of the fourth quarter: Tied, 14-14.

Random observation: It’s wild that the Eagles had a chance to win in the final minutes. It should have been in the bag for the Patriots when Tedy Bruschi picked off Donovan McNabb with 7:20 left and the Patriots ahead, 24-14. But the Patriots couldn’t quite put it away, even when they got the ball back with 1:47 left, up 3. If punters could earn saves, Josh Miller would be credited with one after pinning the Eagles at their own 4 with 46 seconds left.

Stuff I forgot: Remember MVP Deion Branch’s catch that went through the hands of an Eagles defensive back? I hope you do. Remember the name of the defensive back whose hands willed themselves invisible at the worst possible time? Let’s put it this way: I bet Eagles fans add some descriptors to Sheldon Brown’s name … Legend has it that a rattled McNabb threw up on the field during one of the Eagles’ weirdly meandering final possessions. But his stress was obvious much sooner. With just under six minutes left, Terrell Owens was yelling at him on the sideline to relax … McNabb did find future brief Patriot Greg Lewis for a touchdown with 1:48 left, with backup safety Dexter Reid in coverage. Wilson had left with an injury for the second straight Super Bowl.

Coolest moment: It’s probably the Branch catch. But Harrison mocking the Eagles by flapping his arms like wings after his clinching interception is a fine runner-up.

SUPER BOWL XLII: Giants 17, Patriots 14 Score at the start of the fourth quarter: Patriots 7, Giants 3.

Random observation: Yeah, I’ll admit it. The impetus for this entire project was the opportunity to say this: Eli Manning was a disaster on that last drive, and the only way he belongs in the Pro Football Hall of Fame is if he’s going to check out Peyton’s bronze bust. He air-mailed Plaxico Burress twice early in the drive. He nearly fumbled, holding on to the ball with his legs, after Adalius Thomas (who played like an Andre Tippett clone) chased him down. Asante Samuel dropped a pick (it was a high throw and tough catch). Brandon Meriweather nearly had a pick after Thomas drilled Manning while he was throwing. The legendary pass to David Tyree was a desperation heave. Manning tried to give the game to the Patriots, and they just would not take it.

Stuff I forgot: Harrison had kind of a rough go of it beyond failing to rip the ball away from Tyree. Kevin Boss shook him off for a 45-yard catch early in the quarter that set up the Giants’ first touchdown … The image of Junior Seau hugging Bruschi after Brady found Moss for the go-ahead touchdown with 2:42 left only gets more haunting as the years pass … Ray Ventrone blew up kick returner Dominik Hixon prior to the Giants’ final possession, forcing them to start at their own 16.

Coolest moment: Is there one, when you’re rewatching the dream of 19-0 turn into 18-1? I suppose it would have to be that fleeting fraction of a second when it looked as if Brady and Moss might connect on a run-as-fast-as-you-can-and-I’ll-throw-it-as-far-as-I-can deep ball with 16 seconds left. Jason Webster got a fingertip — maybe just a fingerprint — to deflect the pass near the 21-yard line. Brady threw the ball 68 yards, and if it had carried another foot … well, you know.

SUPER BOWL XLVI: Giants 21, Patriots 17 Score at the start of the fourth quarter: Patriots 17, Giants 15

Random observation: I thought it then, and I know it now: The Patriots win this game if Rob Gronkowski is healthy, and they win it with ease. Playing on a heavily-taped sprained ankle, he had the mobility of an aging peg-legged pirate, and the Giants figured it out early. Gronk had one catch in the first three quarters, and he briefly stopped running on one of the key plays in the game, a Brady interception in the first minute of the fourth quarter. On a broken play after eluding the rush, Brady heaved it deep to Gronk, but he didn’t have the mobility to outposition generic linebacker Chase Blackburn, who came down with the interception. A healthy Gronk also might have hauled in the Hail Mary that Aaron Hernandez deflected his way on the final play, but he was a half-step late.

Stuff I forgot: Mario Manningham made a memorable catch along the sideline on the Giants’ winning drive. Earlier in the quarter, NBC analyst Cris Collinsworth criticized him, with an accompanying graphic, for his habit of running at an angle along the sidelines that would carry him out of bounds before he could get both feet down. That play was even more unlikely than we knew … Ahmad Bradshaw fumbled at the 14-minute mark at the Giants 13. James Ihedigbo should have made the recovery — it was right there — but Chris Snee ended up pouncing on it, keeping the Giants in possession. There are so many scattered what-ifs in the losses … It’s remembered as a drop, but Brady threw the ball behind Wes Welker on the infamous blunder with four minutes left. The more damaging drop might have been Branch’s at the Patriots 40 on the first play of the final possession, with 57 seconds left. If he catches it — and he was wide open — he has at least 20 yards on the play, with room to run.

Coolest moment: None. No cool moments. And it’s creepy seeing Hernandez. Do not recommend.

SUPER BOWL XLIX: Patriots 28, Seahawks 24 Score at the start of the fourth quarter: Seahawks 24, Patriots 14.

Random observation: Pete Carroll’s blank-eyed stare after the Malcolm Butler pick nourishes my soul. Less random observation? Rallying to win against this ferocious Seattle defense — and overcoming a 10-point fourth-quarter deficit, the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history — was the greatest feat of Brady’s career to that point.

Stuff I forgot: When you’re talking about third-down backs who have shown up in the biggest moments over the years, never forget to put Shane Vereen up there with James White, Redmond, and Kevin Faulk. Vereen made three of his 11 catches on the go-ahead drive, including a lovely one-handed grab with 6:45 left … Collinsworth started blathering about Deflategate with 2:52 left and the Patriots on the Seattle 5, trailing, 24-21. If there was any one moment to stick to the game, that was it … It’s amazing how prominent Butler had become even before the interception. He had blanket coverage on the ridiculous Jermaine Kearse catch, which felt like a here-we-go-again moment for Patriots fans. But he also got away with a trip earlier in the quarter, and had a spectacular breakup off a pass intended for Kearse just inside the two-minute mark.

Coolest moment: Given the timing and magnitude of the play, the effect that it had on win probability, how it saved the Patriots from what seemed to be another heartbreak, the degree of difficulty in catching it, and that it ushered in the second phase of the greatest dynasty in NFL history, Butler’s interception is to me the greatest single play in NFL history. But the coolest moment might have come a few seconds after the play, when Butler burst into tears while Patrick Chung hugged him, the joy and weight of his accomplishment hitting him all at once.

SUPER BOWL LI: Patriots 34, Falcons 28, OT Score at the start of the fourth quarter: Falcons 28, Patriots 9

Random observation: When we retell the tale of this football miracle, it’s tempting to say every single decision and play had to go the Patriots’ way in the fourth quarter. But the reality is, only most of the plays went their way, and the fourth quarter actually started with a bit of a letdown. The Patriots had to settle for a field goal with just under 10 minutes left, cutting it to 28-12, with Grady Jarrett sacking Brady twice on that drive. They were just warming up for their impossibly perfect finish.

Stuff I forgot: White should have been the MVP, and Brady ended all honest debates about who the greatest quarterback of all time is, but there were countless other heroes too, and rewatching this game offered a nice reminder of Malcolm Mitchell’s role. He had five catches in the fourth quarter and overtime, including a third-and-11 conversion on the drive that cut the score to 28-20. He was the David Givens of that Patriots team, and he’ll always be remembered well … It’s forgotten now, but the Patriots defense had a huge breakdown with 5:48 left, when Devonta Freeman was left uncovered and raced for a 39-yard catch-and-run … Of all of the huge plays, the biggest to me is Dont’a Hightower’s sack of Matt Ryan and forced fumble (recovered by Alan Branch) at the Falcons 25 with 8:28 left and the Patriots down 16.

Coolest moment: Julian Edelman’s catch — you know the one, with a little over two minutes left, when he somehow entered the Matrix, stopped time, or dabbled in some other sorcery and clutched the ball amid a sea of limbs just as it was about to hit the turf — is one of the most famous in NFL history. If Lynn Swann got to Canton based largely on Super Bowl highlights for a dynasty, Edelman deserves the same consideration someday.

SUPER BOWL LII: Eagles 41, Patriots 33 Score at the start of the fourth quarter: Eagles 29, Patriots 26

Random observation: I don’t know if we’ll ever know more than we do about why Butler was benched. But it was impossible to believe then, and it remains impossible to believe upon rewatch, that he would not have performed better than Eric Rowe, Johnson Bademosi, and Jordan Richards in pass coverage.

Stuff I forgot: Chris Hogan had just one catch in the fourth quarter, on the possession punctuated with Gronk’s touchdown, but it’s worth remembering that he was one of three Patriots pass catchers to have a monster game, catching six passes for 128 yards and a score. I tended to remember Gronkowski (9-116-2) and Danny Amendola (8-152-0) in a game in which Brandin Cooks got knocked out and Edelman (who missed the season with a knee injury) didn’t play, but not Hogan’s … Despite being close to unstoppable on offense, the Patriots never led until Gronk’s 4-yard touchdown reception put them up, 33-32, with 9:22 left … The biggest non-scoring play of the game? Nick Foles’s 2-yard completion to Zack Ertz on fourth-and-1 from the Eagles 45 with 5:39 left. Trey Flowers was a half-step from getting to Foles.

Coolest moment: I don’t know, the one play Butler was allowed to participate in on special teams? I mean, Foles figured them out. Nick Foles? This is a real low point. This one hurts.

SUPER BOWL LII: Patriots 13, Rams 3 Score at the start of the fourth quarter: Patriots 3, Rams 3

Random observation: I wonder if Jared Goff would still be a Ram today if not for two outcomes on back-to-back plays — a dropped touchdown pass by Cooks with 4:24 left, and an interception by Stephon Gilmore on a terrible, forced pass to Cooks on the next play. Bill Belichick and Brian Flores broke him that day.

Stuff I forgot: Jonathan Jones crushed Goff as he was running toward the sideline with 11:42 left. If you didn’t think of Bledsoe and Mo Lewis at that moment, you must be one of those newer Patriots fans … Here’s a subtle big play: Sony Michel’s 26-yard run, from his own 5 to the 31, with 3:38 left and the Patriots up, 10-3. Amazes me how so many forget how good he was running behind James Develin that postseason … Three plays later, Rex Burkhead also had a 26-yard run. How did they do this up the middle against a defense featuring Aaron Donald and Ndamukong Suh?

Coolest moment: Easy call. Brady’s 29-yard throw to a triple-covered Gronkowski midway through the quarter that set up the game’s only touchdown. That has to be one of the three or four prettiest throws of Brady’s career, and it was the perfect coda to their time as teammates — with the Patriots, at least …