#and i help out on contract work because of the business degree

[baronmagikcarp]

I just did that post about renting and repairs and records and I'll always remember going with a friend to look over a place she was considering renting. Like I said in the tags, I work in commercial real estate so I know what to look for on a site tour and I asked my friend how hard she wanted me to be. She gave me permission to go nuts. The poor rental agent for the place looked like she was about to freak out when I pointed out the hastily covered water damage in the ceiling, the screwed up flooring they'd tried to hide under the water leak, the damage to the light fixtures, and then topped it off by opening the inside HVAC unit and showing her how her maintenance people had put in the wrong sized filter and because of that the inside of the unit was covered in dust. This was in the first five minutes of me being in the unit. I had a ball.

I also told her that the HVAC unit was probably going to burn out soon because it hadn't been properly filtered and had probably been working too hard for who knows how long. She didn't believe me. The outside unit burned out on the first hot day the next month and the whole thing had to be replaced.

[juuuulez]

🎧 | heartbeat, richie jerimovich.

so we're done? this the real shit? / we used to hold hands like field trips / i’m a jerk, but your dude is a real dick / i read his posts on your wall and i feel sick.

making out/mild groping, references to sex, cheating, richie is petty.

request a playlist roulette here!

“I’m working, Richie.”

“Then fuckin’ stop. Tryn’a have a conversation here.”

You simply huff and continue to ignore him, though the small space of the office feels impossibly closed off. It’s like all the air has been sucked out, filled with a sticky warmth that settles in your veins, where you can’t possibly ignore his presence behind you.

It’s been years. Whatever happened between you and Richie was over, it ended right before you went off to college. So, yeah, fucking ages ago. What gave him the right to whine about it now? You were knee-deep in paperwork, having been called up by Carmen to help balance some accounts for the restaurant renovations. With a business degree under your belt, you’d happily taken the offer. It helped that you were in Chicago anyway.

“There isn’t a conversation to be had, asshole.” You quipped back, standing at the desk and flipping through contract after contract. They’re scattered around, and quite frankly, a mess. You make a mental note to ask Carmy if he ever got his pen license: because his handwriting is atrocious.

The silences stretches on for another few seconds. Sweet, soundless seconds, where you can summon an inkling of focus, before it’s brutally ripped away from you again.

“Missing my baby. #LongDistanceWarrior.”

It’s said in a delicate, mocking tone, that had you whipping around to face him. Richie has his phone in hand, scrolling through your Facebook wall and finding comments from your boyfriend.

“Do you mind?” You snap.

“Nah, babe. It’s fuckin’ pathetic, this shit,” He’s begun again, all wound up and pissed. “I mean— jesus, what a jagoff. Trust me, I know you, and I know you’re not into this garbage.”

You expel a harsh breath through your nose, turning your back to him once more. “It’s sweet.”

“No it fuckin’ isn’t. It’s disgusting.”

The hypocrisy of it all is astounding, it twists harsh in your gut, churning a dangerous mix of irritation and, maybe, a little bit of guilt. “Y’know, last time I checked, we broke up ‘cus of you, genius.”

“That’s not what happened,” Richie is quick to assert, dropping his phone in favour of waving his hands wildly, as if it would help his point. “Hey! That’s not what fuckin’ happened! You decided to go to New York, like a pretentious—

“No! No, fuck you!” You’re yelling back at him now, albeit still looking down at the desk. “I wanted to do long distance, asshole, and you threw a goddamn fit. So tough fucking luck, you missed your chance.”

It shuts him up for a moment, because it’s true: Richie didn’t want to do long distance, and you wanted to go to college in New York. Neither of you would budge, and so you broke up. But now, you’re dating some rich asshole, who apparently, has no goddamn problem with long distance. Making Richie the cuck.

“Is it his dick, or somethin?” Richie is speaking again in a lower tone, an almost playful twinge to it. “Cus it’s definitely not his face.”

He’s approached you, chest pressed firm against your face, as he drops the phone over your paperwork. It’s still open on your facebook wall, an image of you and this new boyfriend, posing for a photo: you’re kissing his cheek.

You shake your head, giving Richie a sharp nudge with your elbow. It’s supposed to get his ribs, but he catches it in his palm, warm and big over your skin. “Don’t be rude.” You scold.

“So it’s not?” He continues to pry. “It’s the money, then? Bet he’s fuckin’ loaded. Goddamn trust fund.”

“That’s none of your business.” You tell him.

The contact feels foreign and familiar all at the same time. It’s like coming home to a warm bed, still all mussed from the night before, and crawling right back between the covers. But it’s laced with something new, an intoxicating sense of temptation, because you know how wrong this is. How wrong it is to lean back against him, to not shoo him away.

Richie knows this, he knows the hold he has on you, knows that he’s getting what he wants. Because you’re not as uptight as you pretend to be: you’re that same scrappy kid who’d fuck around with him in high school: A younger girl, and her stupid older boyfriend, working weekends in a shitty restaurant and blowing the paychecks on dumb stuff like fireworks and beer.

So his hands find your waist, fingers wrapped around the meat of your body, tugging you back into him. You spare a glance downwards, past the paperwork, watching the way he grips you tight and possessive.

“Aren’t you married?” You ask, pushing through the breathless feeling in your lungs.

“Not anymore,” Richie supplies. “But you already knew that, didn’t ‘ya?”

You hum, rolling the idea around in your head for a moment. Any sense of rationale dissipated the second his breath hit your ear, so close, too close, and yet you still wanted him closer. Deeper. All around you.

So you turn around, wedged between the desk and him, Richie’s firm torso pinning you in place. His self control dwindles, taking the chance to skate his hands over your body, rough palms finding your ass and squeezing.

“Shouldn’t be doing this,” You remind him, the words whispered into hot air, a moment of consciousness that preens its way into your mind. “I have a boyfriend. He loves me.”

“Oh, yeah?” Richie will contest, voice rough and molten right near your ear. “The fuck ‘s he doin’ in New York, then?”

And it’s true. Fuck, it’s so true. Because he’s there and Richie is right here, hot and hard against you, smelling so familiar and before you can even think his mouth is on yours. It feels perfect, your hands skimming up his chest, finding his face to pull him in closer. Teeth clash and noses bump, his thigh pushing between your legs, pulling you down against him.

The paperwork is forgotten as you feverishly make out on the desk, groping and grinding like teenagers. It’s only interrupted by Carmen, who eventually comes knocking with another handful of receipts. His face twists in disgust at the sight, making a disgruntled noise before turning on his heels. Your face is red at this point, forehead making contact with Richie’s shoulder as you huff in a mix of embarrassment and guilt.

Not guilty enough, though, to stop Richie from coming back to your hotel. Not guilty enough to not sleep with him one, two… three more times. Certainly not guilty enough to not call him whenever you’re in Chicago.

[moongreenlight]

It's WIP Wednesday and I'm thinking so hard about “Chateau Lobby #4 (In C for Two Virgins)” by Father John Misty that my head explodes.

Retired!Price x Divorcee/single mom!reader (titles are hard who cares)

Cw/Tw: Pressure to perform sex/sexual acts

Little 1k blurb that ends right before the smut because I just got done ovulating and the thought of writing about cock and dick is not in the cards rn.

There was never much time to date while John was working. Never enough of him to occupy all of his work and pleasure. Try as he might, he couldn’t seem to spread himself thin enough to coat the surface of all his wants.

He tried for a few years, early, when he could stay out late and still feel alright putting in a full day’s work the next morning. But he’s a romantic at heart. Never found much appeal to a fast-and-loose lifestyle and eventually stopped looking for trouble in places he would find it.

He was now alone, but with more time to figure out what he really wanted after retiring. Had more of himself to portion out. Pursued his hobbies. Picked up odd contracting jobs out of a need to keep himself busy. Found trouble with a single mother and recent divorcee who hired him off of an online ad because she needed help with a few things around her new house.

He knew he was in for it the moment she opened the door. Asked her out while he was half inside a cupboard under her sink. She said no twice.

Third time’s the charm.

She must have been put on one of those religious conveyor belts and turned out like she was on a factory line- that or she had parents to piss off. Married, turned out two kids, and split young. Must have been straight out of high school, because now that the divorce is finalized she’s cheating her way through a business degree at the community college around her day job.

Still carries some of that youth and innocence in her even though she’s only a year or two his junior. In the way she snorts when she laughs and hastily covers it up by holding the back of her hand over her mouth. The three times already tonight she’s prefaced that she doesn’t kiss on the first date and she’s got a strict rule about no ‘secondary locations.’ It’s charming. Like she’s spending any fleeting moment of free time discovering herself.

And is he glad she’s wasting her precious time on him. Even more glad he caught her on a weekend where her ex had the kids, though the idea of introducing himself to her house, her innocence, her little family, was fucking intoxicating. Made him forget the two fingers of whiskey sitting up right of his plate.

He gets so tipsy on the thought of besting her rules that he can’t help but push his luck after she- ever so delicately- refused the waiter trying to drop a dessert menu at the edge of the table.

“Cheap date.”

A snort from her. She has to pull her lips away from the rim of her wine glass to stifle it. House, even though it’ll give her a headache, she says. Couldn’t possibly bring herself to spend a dime of his money further than what was necessary. Darling thing. He’d love to see how far that ‘good girl’ act went. How much pressure it could handle.

She’d probably pull him in warm. Gooey in the middle when he finally got her spread open.

“Wasn’t out to test your fiscal limits”

She dabs the corner of her smile with a napkin. It’s his turn to laugh now.

“Shame. Half my appeal is the restaurant.”

She falters for a breath. Her eyes go a bit wide, like she’s suddenly worried she hasn’t thanked him enough. Hasn’t been good enough to please him. The thought makes him ball his hand into a fist to distract from the tightness in his slacks.

“Gosh, John, and it is such a nice place. Dinner was fantastic. Thank you, really.”

Her fingers curl around his fist. She has to stretch a bit to reach him from across the table. Her fingertips don’t touch even when she tries to wrap her hand around his. Earnest is thick on her voice now. It honeys her tone. He wonders if when she pulls away she’ll leave a sugary stickiness on his skin.

He tsks, a smile flirting across his mouth. Unable to help himself. A hungry stray being tossed a hot meal.

“And how impressive would it have’t be if I had my heart set on bringing you ‘round t’mine for a nightcap?”

She wrinkles her nose at that, though there’s a glittering of humor in her eyes when she gives his hand a kittenish slap.

“You couldn’t afford it.”

Sharp as a tack.

He has to clench his jaw shut to keep from sinking his teeth into her. They ache to see if she’s candy-floss all the way through.

“No?”

“Dinner was fantastic, John. Thank you.”

She throws him a warning glance with that. There’s the faintest outline of severity blurring into the soft edges of her voice. He digs his nails into his palm.

“M’I that bad to talk to?”

He’s pulling out stops now. Ignoring the chirping alarm sounding in the back of his skull that tells him that he should be able to pick out if he’s insisting for the right reasons or not.

She’s more difficult to guilt a second time. Rolls her eyes and starts folding her napkin on the side of her plate.

“Must be.”

She is fucking delectable.

Trouble. Everything about her. Every new layer he peels back sets him ablaze. He’s smoldering in his chair, waiting for the smoke curling off the crown of his head to set off the smoke detectors.

It takes some effort, but he’s able to get her to settle on him coming ‘round to hers after dinner. ‘One drink, John. I’m serious.’ She digs her heels in a bit, but he’d already made his mind up. He’d have her. Tuck her in a paper bag and take his dessert to-go.

She makes him turn away when she punches the code into her garage opener. Says the remote in her car is dead, and while he looks around the edges of the house for security cameras, he makes a note to come back and get both of those things taken care of for her. Doesn’t like the thought of her alone in her driveway after work tired and vulnerable.

Never mind if she had to step out in the rain. Sugar melts.

He tries to convince her to sit on the couch with him while she nurses a weak pour of wine, she refuses. Sits on a plush armchair catty-corner to him in the living room and smiles while shakes her head.

“Not used to being told no?”

It’s less of a question than it is a plain statement. A surface-level observation. It should strike him as an insult, but watching the words fall from her pretty mouth made pride swell in his chest.

“Should I be?”

Trouble. He’s inching toward the line.

“You’d think.”

He wonders what she would think if he took her down to the studs. Not much of anything- if he was lucky.

[scarnatlover]

In the comfort of your arms

Summary: In light of shocking news, the refuge found within the comforting embrace of a girlfriend becomes an anchor, grounding one's frayed nerves and fragile spirit.

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader (romantic); Tony Stark x Reader (platonic)

Warnings: panick attack, mention of blood, mention of sex

-------------------------------------------------------

Y/N pov

Being the CEO of one of the most prestigious law firms is certainly not a point that everyone can get to. I'm not everyone. But that doesn't make it any easier. And it isn't.

Everyone thinks that because I'm the CEO, I don't do anything. Wrong. I do more than anyone else. I'm the first one in the office in the morning and the last one to leave at night. Constantly dealing with papers to sign, contracts to inspect, cases to review, in and out of courts, constant calls from people who want either me or one of my lawyers, meetings I have to attend, and so on.

Of course, competition doesn't help. Ricky's Corporation is the only company that is on par with mine. There has always been this rivalry. Where my company did not reach, his company did; Where his company didn't reach, mine did. In the end, for several years now, it has been mine that has prevailed, even if only briefly.

There were times when I told myself to shut everything down, that it wasn't worth it anymore, but Nat was always there with me to reassure me that everything I was doing was perfect and that I was at a great point in my career. And everything went back to the way it was before.

Until, Tony Stark showed up at my office, asking me to be his lawyer. After a long discussion, we both decided to embark on this journey together. What I didn't know was that being Tony's lawyer meant becoming the lawyer for the Avengers and Stark Industries as well, which was not in the contract but which I let go for fear of losing such an important client.

The only benefit that this choice brought me was the money that comes to us every time. Of course, Tony doesn't care much about his bank accounts. But that alone did me any good. Otherwise, the work has tripled, if not more. Many more meetings, many more documents, many more calls and hearings. Sometimes I can't even get home to Nat because of the work I have to do. Not to mention, I have to stop whatever I'm doing every time Tony calls.

Just like now. I was reviewing documents for an alleged first-degree murder case when my phone rang. I pressed the button and heard my secretary's voice on the other end of the line.

"Miss Y/L/N, Mr. Stark has requested your presence in half an hour in his office at Stark Industries" I heard that voice that usually told me good news; Not this time.

"Tell him I'm busy, I'll go to him as soon as I can," I said, continuing to look at the papers in front of me and underline the main parts of what was written.

"I'm sorry Miss, but he insists," she continued.

I got up from my chair, loosening a little the tie that Nat had tied around my neck this morning, a sign that I was getting nervous and not just a little. I picked up my phone and looked at the time. 3:57 p.m., weird that Tony was in the office at this time.

"Tell him I'm coming" I ended the conversation before ending the call for good.

I quickly gathered my things and then left my office, a little frustrated. I texted Nat that I probably wouldn't be home by 4:30 p.m., as we had arranged since we wanted to have an afternoon to ourselves.

I think the others who were with me in the building understood that this was not the time to speak to me or to stand in my way. When I got into the car, I leaned my head on the steering wheel, exasperated. I could feel my eyes filling with tears. I was tired, very tired. It was all too much, too difficult, too complicated, too tiring. But it has always been my dream to join a law company.

After half an hour, I finally managed to park the car in the Stark Industries parking lot and got out of the car; I made my way to the entrance of the hotel and as soon as I arrived at the reception I saw Happy sitting on a chair near the elevator, looking at me. I waved to him and he immediately reciprocated, even sending a smile.

Once Tony's receptionist gave me access, I went up in the elevator and pressed the floor number Tony had pointed me to. While it was going up, I pulled out my phone, expecting a message from Nat, but it wasn't there. My message had been ignored, but I could see that it had been delivered and even read. This only added to my frustration.

Finally, the elevator stopped, I got out but I stopped a few steps later because I saw the very person I expected to see only in the trials. Ricky Martin. I just hoped Tony hadn't called him too.

I walked over to sit on one of the free chairs, hoping Ricky wouldn't notice me. Unfortunately, of course, this was not the case.

"If it's not Y/N Y/L/N that sitting there" he practically screamed, some people turned to look at us a little badly.

"Hi Ricky" I replied annoyed and without looking him in the eye I could guess that he understood that he was bothering me.

Before he could say anything else, Tony opened the door, letting out the other person who was inside with him. I understood why Nat didn't reply to the message. She was with Tony discussing something. As soon as she saw me, she completely ignored Ricky, who was looking for her attention and headed towards me.

"I'm so sorry my moon, as soon as I saw the message I wanted to answer you, but Stark called me for a meeting about a mission. I have to leave now, I'll be back about tomorrow morning. I'm sorry I can't be with you as we planned, but I promise we'll be together tomorrow," she said with a pout, then took my face in her hands and gently leaned her lips on mine. Honestly, I was hoping that tonight it would be just me, her and Liho, but instead, there will only be the cat at home since after this news I didn't want to stay home alone, so I'll stay in the office.

I nodded and she looked at me with a mixture of confusion and concern, but before she could say anything, her phone rang. She looked at the screen and saw Clint's ID. "Fuck" she murmured giving me another kiss and telling me to warm up the food she had prepared in the fridge, before running to the elevator and getting in.

Sighing, I picked up the papers I had placed on the chair next to me when I sat down and walked into Tony's office.

As usual, it was a mess. But who would Tony Stark be if he didn't leave everything in disarray? I sat in the chair next to Ricky, without looking him in the face, leaving my eyes to focus only on Tony.

"You may be wondering the reason for this sudden call" he began and already from his tone of voice I knew that whatever was on his mind, I would not like it. "Given the events that are going on, I've been thinking a lot these days," he said, opening a drawer and taking out a packet of peanuts, starting to eat them and then continuing to talk. "I think instead of just Y/N, Ricky should be a lawyer for this company as well."

And at that moment, everything stopped. As if my whole life had just been thrown away. As if all my efforts, sleepless nights, and evenings spent in the office instead of in my bed had been for nothing. As if my dream of becoming the best has been shattered. Because that's exactly what happened. Ricky sat next to me, looking at me with a smug smirk.

The rest of the meeting was difficult; My leg was bouncing up and down, a clear sign that I wanted to get out of that place. Tony must have noticed this because he quickly finished his speech and then told us we could leave.

Martin left quickly, his smirk still on his face. I didn't move from my chair. I couldn't understand, I couldn't focus on one thing, I couldn't stop shaking, I couldn't breathe. He couldn't give anything.

The rest of the meeting was difficult; My leg was bouncing up and down, a clear sign that I wanted to get out of that place. Tony must have noticed this because he quickly finished his speech and then told us we could leave.

Martin left quickly, his smirk still on his face. I didn't move from my chair. I couldn't understand what was going on, I couldn't focus on one thing, I couldn't stop shaking, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't do anything.

I felt my clothes sticking to my skin, not allowing me to breathe, my hands were becoming numb, my chest felt like it was on fire, and I could feel my heartbeat in my ears. It seemed to go at the same speed as the F1 cars.

I didn't understand anything, I didn't know what was going on. I felt like I was dying, or fainting, I don't know which of the two. But thinking about it only made things worse.

Nat pov

I should have expected that. I can't have a night out with my girlfriend because my work is always in the middle. Sometimes I think about what our life would be like if I wasn't an Avenger. It would be very nice, but at the same time, it would not be the everyday life I know very well.

I was in the quinjet getting ready to leave when I heard the phone ring. I made a puzzled face before heading to the table where we usually outline the mission's plan of attack. I immediately saw that Tony was calling me and I sighed in exasperation.

"Tony, what's up, I've got to-"

"Nat, you have to come here to the office, it's Y/N." Hearing those words, I took my duffel bag, where I had my clothes since I had already put on my suit, phone and car keys.

"What's going on? What's wrong?" I asked frantically, running as fast as I could toward my Corvette, which seemed much farther away than I remembered I had parked it.

"I don't know, I think she's having a panic attack and I don't know what to do. I tried everything" he explained and finally, I got to the car, quickly entering it and, as soon as I put the keys in, I sped away, still on the phone with Tony.

"Fuck, move you shitty assholes" I yelled slamming my hands on the steering wheel, since those in front of me, even with the green light, didn't move and I was in a hurry.

As soon as I arrived, for the second time that day, I parked quickly, forgetting my bag with my house keys, wallet and phone inside, but at that moment, the only thing I cared about was my girlfriend.

Running, I entered the building, quickly showing my security badge and then running to the stairs, deciding that they would be faster than the elevator and let's face it, I don't think I've ever run so fast.

When I finally got to the floor where Tony's office was, I saw Ricky Martin smiling while he was on the phone with someone, but as soon as he laid eyes on me, he ended the conversation and walked over to me.

I wanted to go straight on my way until he started talking to me. "Your girlfriend's a failure, Romanoff," he grabbed my arm. "She has not succeeded and she will never be able to do anything in life. I bet she doesn't even you fuck well" when I heard the last words, I couldn't contain myself and punched him on the nose, both because of the words he was saying about Y/N, and because, as I said many times, I was in a hurry.

"My girlfriend," I replied as he held his nose while moaning in pain, "She's not a failure. You, Ricky Martin, are a failure. On her own, she's managed to go a lot farther than you. And it sure fucks me better than you Ricky, even if it doesn't take much, given the cock you find yourself down there. Even a rubber cock is better than yours" and I left, walking over to Tony's office door.

When I entered, I found myself in front of a scene that I had never seen before. Y/N, sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, her neck and arms full of scratches, some bleeding, some not, with her shirt unbuttoned and her tie thrown somewhere, crying and desperate, trying unsuccessfully to breathe. Tony, on the other hand, was crying too, probably because he felt partly useless because he couldn't help Y/N, and on the other hand, because he felt guilty thinking he was the one who created this situation. As soon as Tony saw me, he motioned for me to go to Y/N without worrying about him.

Calmly and quietly, I approached my girlfriend, so as not to panic her more. "Hey, my moon. Can you try to take big, deep breaths for me, mhm?" I said gently taking her hands, trying to stop her from hurting herself more. She just shook her head and then started banging it against the wall behind her.

"No, no darling, we don't do that, mhm. Sh sh sh, it's all right, I'm here. Can you feel me? Can you feel my hands?" I asked her and after a few moments, she nodded. I just smiled at her before bringing her hand to my chest, to let her feel my regular heartbeat. "Come on love, let's do as the therapist said, huh? Inhale for 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. Hold for 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 and finally exhale for 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5" I patiently guided her as she did her breaths, just as her psychologist had instructed me.

"Well done my love, very good. But now we have to repeat them, okay? Just like before" I told her, this time bringing her head to my chest and squeezing her hard enough to make her feel that I was there with her, but that I didn't want to restrict her any more.

After a few minutes, finally, her breathing was regular again, although she continued to tremble, and a lot of it. I stood there with her on the floor sitting, gently stroking her hair and giving her the comfort she needed. Occasionally, I would give her a few kisses on the forehead or wherever I could go. "Do you want to go home now?" I asked her after a while longer, hoping for a positive response from her. As an answer, however, I only got a no.

"Love…" I whispered to her, a little disconsolate by her answer, but it was very predictable. From the beginning of the relationship I had understood that she, even if she was very sick, had to go to the office if she hadn't finished something and this caused a lot of fights between the two of us, but they always ended up with her in my arms crying while she apologized and me consoling her.

"I-I know, I know. But I've go-ot to get to the office quick, I-I've got t-to finish something quickly," she whispered in a faint voice, breaking here and there. Usually, I would have let her go, but in the condition she was in, it didn't seem appropriate, so I tried to negotiate

"Okay, let's do it this way. You and I now go home, take a bath together, put on matching pajamas and watch Moana until you fall asleep" I tried to convince her, also trying to make her sleepy by gently stroking her hair. She opened her mouth, probably to protest again, but before she could do so, I started talking again. "Liho can sleep in the bed with us and you can be the little spoon" and after that, I knew I had convinced her. I felt her body relax against mine, her regular breathing on my neck, her hands fisting my suit. When she finally nodded, I smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

We spent that night just as I promised. Liho was asleep next to Y/N who was next to me, with her head on my chest, curled up like a baby. I wouldn't change a thing at all. With her, I feel like I'm at home. And deep down, I was.

[middlingmay]

Horse Trainer!Gale x Veteran!Bucky AU

Part one of my headcanons for this AU is here!

Some warnings to get us started: slight mention of alcohol abuse, references to gun violence, war, death, PTSD and a car accident.

Something bright and cheery for your Wednesday, eh? I promise it gets cute later down the line, just not today! Today we mean business. So here we go!

Bucky couldn’t remember wanting to be anything other than a pilot when he grew up.

His ma used to draw all kinds of aircraft: jets, airliners, gliders, helicopters, even a seaplane once. John would tuck himself into her side and watch, mouth open and fascinated as she drew smooth confident lines.

She explained to him why the nose was this shape, and how the wings and tail needed to be in balance, why the placement and size of the engines mattered. She went to school for it, before he and his sisters came along. Well, before his dad came along, really.

He didn’t take much of it in, he'd be ashamed to realise later, but he did absorb her obsession with aviation. Just not for the design. He would however, try to encourage her to go back to school to finish her degree.

Mama Egan took him to his first air show when he was eight, and she had to scruff him by the neck to stop him from taking off like a shot towards the real, live WWII B-17.

Instead, he thrashed at the end of her hand, jumping around like an eel as she walked him towards it anyway, and accepted the boost inside once his ma had convinced the pilot to let John take a peek inside.

He never looked back.

He enlists when he’s eighteen, and rockets up the ranks quickly. By the time he becomes Major - and a very young Major - the new recruits look at him like he’s some kind of maverick, some kind of legend.

The higher-ups see the natural born leader he is, and the boys in his squadron know him as brave, quick thinking, and with instincts that couldn’t have possibly all come from training. He could read situations in the air like most of them read books. When John Egan had a feeling, or ordered you to do something out of the blue, you did not ask questions.

Although he joined up out of pure enthusiasm and desperation to be a pilot, he quickly sees his time in the air force as an opportunity to help people. But, almost as quickly, he realises that he and the Brass have different views on how to go about that.

He dislikes combat missions the most. Sometimes it’s pretty black and white, and John can feel pride when he sees enemy targets crumble into dust. Or when he’s lost one of his men and he feels a thrum of vengeance he knows he shouldn’t and tries to suppress but sometimes can’t quite help on the darker nights.

But mostly he learns how devastating combat missions are. He much prefers supply drops and recovery missions, but these are so few and far between, that he gives up that privilege to those in his squadron to help keep up their morale. Their morale was his responsibility, after all.

John takes to drinking, just a little bit. Never enough to affect his work. But on days when he can’t shake the anger or the gloom, the glow of whisky helps him hide it better.

Somewhere along the line, his passion burns out and he starts to want out. He’s still one of their best pilots, still a role model for all the pilots, navigators and serving men and women on base - that is to stay, he still acts the part. He signs up for his second eight-year contract, but two years into it, he can’t stomach the thought of the remaining six.

He admits as much on a tearful phone call to his ma, who promises him he doesn’t owe anyone anything, and if he needs to he better get his ass into that doctor’s office or she’ll come and drag him by the ear and drop him at the counsellor’s door herself.

“Don’t you go doing anything stupid, now, John. I didn’t raise a fool.”

And John doesn't. Do anything stupid, that is. But someone does.

Because the mission fucks up, and fucks up in a big way.

It's a recovery mission his squadron all but forces him on, all of them insisting it's his turn, and what did he do to deserve those guys and dolls, huh?

But Ken hadn’t given him the run down of his plane, because he’s taken some PTO, and his replacement ground crew chief was nowhere to be found. And from then on, John just has a bad feeling about the whole thing.

Afterwards, he can't ever remember much, but what it boils down to is two bullets in his shoulder, a dead co-pilot, a murdered political attaché left behind on enemy ground, and a package, called Robert ‘Rosie’ Rosenthal, safe back on American soil. And his superiors patting him on his good shoulder, telling him what a good job he did.

A good fucking job. Like some green kid hadn’t died choking on his own blood, staring at Bucky like he could do something. And a fella in his late 50s, who’d been harping on about his first grandkid, was never going to meet him because his body was never going to make it home.

So, when the doc tells him the physio isn’t working and his mobility is compromised, he barely feels a thing.

Major John Egan. Honourably discharged at twenty-eight.

He’s been warned he might feel a little lost at home. But no one warns him that he’ll mistake a framed photo of his old man as that dead attaché and it would start talking to him: “You left me behind. Who’s going to teach my grandkid ball, now?”

No one tells him he’ll scare the life out of his ma coming home from ladies' brunch, to see John, who’s been standing there God knows how long, still heaving in ragged breaths surrounded by smashed glass with blood running down the hand that holds a sizeable shard of it.

So he agrees to therapy.

It doesn’t go well. Crank sets him up with a friend of his experienced in medically discharged vets, but Bucky can’t disassociate them from the military. They get all mushed up as part of the problem in his head, so he stops going and avoids Cranks calls for a while.

And the dreams get worse. And the sleepwalking hits him like a freight train, although it only happens once. Once is enough.

He ends up on a back road. It’s the only reason, Bucky thinks, he didn’t die. He veers between the grassy verge and the road. It’s dark and he’s wearing all black, and the car doesn’t see him before it’s too late. They weren’t going too fast, but they clip him all the same and he wakes up in a hospital.

And the docs have evidently spoken to his ma, because whilst they’re treating his physical wounds, someone comes for a psyche eval and he gets a stern warning that either he gets proper counselling voluntarily, or he’ll legally be forced to. A much less pleasant experience.

And he meets the driver who clipped him. A shorter guy called Curt who walks in rubbing the back of his neck and not quite able to look John in the eye until he says, “Irish, huh? That how you didn’t hit the bullseye? Too short to see over the steering wheel?”

Curt cackles and the two of them talk easy after that.

In fact, John finds it easier to talk to Curt than anyone else since he left the air force. He tells Curt about the disillusionment of it all, the anger, the dreams, all of it. And Curt understands because he used to be in the medical corps and he knows there are things you can’t unsee. Some things a man just can’t reckon with himself.

But, Curt also tells him about the horse ranch he goes to, that helped him when no shrink or medication could.

Cleven Ranch he calls it, and tells John that when he’s up and ready, he’ll take him there.

[remnants]

thots about tommy wayne under the cut 👇🏾😚👍🏾

ok so in my head he's not from gotham lol (my guy is east coast mean, which is pretty mean, but not gotham mean which translates to being the sweetest guy on earth once you’re within the city limits). he's the illegitimate and son of patrick wayne and his daddy wouldn't claim him bc the affair/one-night-stand/whatever-you-wanna-call-it happened while he was very much married (fuck this guy fr!) and his wife was very much pregnant (oh brother this guy STINKS!!!). anywayyyy elizabeth mitchell isn’t stupid and knows a fight she can't win when she sees one so she leaves gotham for new york when the test comes back positive and patrick won’t pick up her calls.

and things are going good! she's made a little name for herself as a local nightclub singer and she's got a job waiting tables during the day that makes good money and sure things were a little touch and go for a while and sure there were times where she was sure that they weren't gonna make it but she got her baby through school (he graduated valedictorian btw) and now he's in the first year of his pre med undergraduate degree at the local university on a full scholarship (her parenting HER parenting).

so imagine her surprise when the billionaire deadbeat of the hour shows up on her doorstep one day talking about family duty and lines of succession.

patrick amadeus wayne jr. is dead. dead dead dead. and while it wasn't really a surprise to anyone with eyes (weak lungs can only take so many wet gotham winters and the tabloids were saying that the cough he sported at the latest gala sounded particularly nasty), he was by all appearances an only child (francesca wayne could barely get pj out let alone carry another baby to term) and the waynes were fumbling for someone to take his place before the body was even cold.

the transition is as rough as you would expect, what with the stony silences from his father’s wife (stepmother? who knows, not that either of them would ever acknowledge the relation) whenever they cross paths in the manor (francesca wayne never makes an outside appearance in gotham society again after the passing of her son. she enters a period of seclusion and never emerges, spending her days wandering the halls in mourning blacks and lighting candles in prayer), and sometimes being called patrick or pj by the gotham upper class (intentionally or not. though he suspects intentionally because his mother’s side of the family got the monopoly on his looks). it’s very obvious that he doesn’t fit in but hey, free college is free college and his mama is gonna be set for life if he can just see this through.

of course the whole thing doesn’t go over well (a long lost father suddenly appearing on your doorstep and claiming you only because his other kid died would put most people off to be completely fair) but after some yelling and screaming and haggling, compromises are made. in exchange for thomas moving to gotham and being prepped to take over as head of wayne enterprises, his mother is also to be put up in a fancy brownstone on the upper east side and given enough in allowance (in addition to the 18 years of child support she never got) so that she never has to work again and thomas is to be allowed to continue his studies, graduate medical school (in gotham and not at john hopkins like he planned. rip it was literally his dream school), and become a doctor (i like to think becoming a doctor was solely a thomas wayne endeavor. all the wayne men before him were men of business and trade but tommy has wanted to help people his entire life and he’ll be damned if he lets his father keep him from following his dreams). there’s a handshake and signatures signed on a drawn-up contract (because patrick wayne doesn’t do anything by halves and of course he brought the family lawyer to meet his son after 19 years of pretending he didn’t exist) and thomas goes from a two-bedroom apartment in hell’s kitchen to a bedroom the same size (and then some) right outside of gotham city.

and he does see it through, very well in fact! thomas wayne graduates top of his class in undergrad at gotham university as well as in medical school, is granted a residency at gotham general, and eventually becomes the head of surgery. Along the way, he meets a girl named martha, gets married, and has a beautiful baby boy named bruce (after his maternal grandfather ofc) and the rest is history!

[dduane]

I've been enjoying the recent Middle Kingdoms works, and was especially taken by the ritual hospitality in "The Landlady". It seemed reminiscent of traditional Irish phrases I've encountered translated into English. If there any influence? To what degree has Ireland leaked into your understanding of the Middle Kingdoms and their cultures?

Re: the Irish influence: there's occasionally some effect on casual idiomatic usages in characters' general conversation, yes. In fact, while doing some editing work on TOTF3: The Librarian just a day or three ago, I caught Freelorn's edgy friend-who-killed-him-that-one-time, Sem, using phrases that unquestionably were not just Irish-originated, but Ulster-originated. :) (And plainly this is @petermorwood's fault. But since the character seems comfortable with the usage, and from where I'm sitting it sounds right for him, I'm not going to mess with it.)

As regards Irish influence on the Kingdoms' formal hospitality-language and culture, though, I'm not seeing much evidence of that. Not that I haven't done a fair amount of reading about Brehon law and other adjacent matters over time as a matter of casual research. But none of that seems to be reflected in any of the notes I made on the Kingdoms' cultures while developing them.

The connection I am pretty sure of is to translations of stock epithets and phrases (and the presence of various general concepts and actions) associated with the practice of formal xenia in ancient Greece, particularly as described in the Odyssey.

In particular, the Kingdoms' worldview seems to share a core concept with the ancient Greek one as regards xenia. This is the idea that personified Deity is walking around in the world, making itself responsible for the protection of people who call on others' hospitality. Both cultures have the idea that people's behavior may be tested by the gods—or God(dess)—to see how well they're obeying the rules set out regarding the welcome properly due to strangers and those in need.*

In the Kingdoms, the concept has had what seemed to me like a more or less logical expansion into the relationship between the heads of organized Houses—what we could equate with local familial lordships, though the actuality in the Realms is a lot less patriarchially hierarchical and more complex—and the people who come to hold land of/from the Houses' heads.

So it made sense to me that there would be basic gestures and phrases that express agreement to various aspects of the contract between a House's head and their holders. Since both writing and literacy died off during that alternate Earth's domination by the Dark, and had to be revived and relearned after its destruction, this contract was for a long time always verbal. Over the centuries, ritualized concrete practices—the exchange of bread and water between Holders and head of House, for example—grew up alongside the spoken content to make it plain that everybody understood the nature and intention of the contract. These, too, I derived from material in the Odyssey and other works of that period: situations, for example, where simply eating something that someone else has given you is itself confirmation that the contract between host and guest is in place and working.

Anyway: thanks for the question. Hope this helps!

*But then readers of the MK books will of course recognize this as the kind of thing the Goddess already does in Her world—not being one of those lurking-and-skulking sorts of deity who leaves you wondering all your life about whether they're real or not. Her basic contract with Her creation already contains the concept that everybody gets to meet Her personally at least once; and—either in Her proper person, or in the form of other people—sometimes more than once. Because yeah, She's busy... but what's the point of being a deity if you don't have the time to sit down with your creation for drinks every now and then...?

[canonicallysoulmates]

J2 Main Panel Dallascon 2023

Jensen's parents are in the crowd for this panel and you'd think that would subdue things between the boys but you'd be wrong!

First of all, they do the jump and I can’t help but think about the fact that Jared still doesn't have his ACL, I know that could not have been comfortable 😖

Anyways there's a table between their chairs which to the boys is unacceptable, Jared immediately moves it and when Jensen notices he goes "what is this?" then they move their chairs super close to the point where their knees will be brushing. But before he sits down, Jensen goes and turns on Jared's floor fan so he won't melt under the bright lights, Jared is so happy and calls him magic to which Jensen replies "I got you" 🥺💕 And sweetness doesn't stop there because Jared is the one that lets people know Jensen's parents are in the crowd and asks for a round of applause for them! Says they're surrounded by royalty.

Getting into the questions, do they ever plan to do another project together? Jensen says they don’t have anything currently planned but they will always be open to that when the right project comes along or when the right timing of rebooting something that they’ve already done together comes along. That to be honest we're looking at the projects they still do together right now (meaning cons) that they still get to do this together which is great and they thank the fans for giving them the opportunity to do this, that if those many years ago when they met for the first time they had told them they’d still be doing this 17-18 years later - Jared jokes they wouldn’t have signed up, and Jensen says they would have ripped that contract out and walked out the door.

Jared says he would love to work with Jensen any chance, they’re both a little busy but they’ll make it happen. x

They have played characters that have pretended to be law enforcement and they've played characters that are law enforcement, how different has that felt? Jensen prefers the "fake badge" cause you get away with more stuff, you’re not really there to uphold the law. Jared says that when Sam and Dean were pretending to be FBI agents they weren’t lying. Sam and Dean walked in like no big deal, that’s what we are and he thinks one of the most interesting things to see an actor or actress do on camera is tell the truth not to tell a lie. He feels that’s what Sam and Dean were doing and he feels that’s what he and Jensen are doing on Big Sky and Walker. Jensen concurs. x

They're joking around and Jensen tells the crowd "it’s gonna be a long hour settle back, buckle in, fall asleep" and quick as a flash Jared quips "that’s his pickup line as well" I am wheezing 🤣 Reminder that Jensens’ parents are in the audience! 

Besides the people on set, what are the differences, and does it vary depending on the directors, producers, and actors? Jared say he thinks the main answer is absolutely, and there are bullet points to that; what they do for a living they're not risking their lives, they can go get coffee or a bag of chips when they want, they have trailers to go get warm but he thinks every person kind of gets stressed out to varying degrees. But your stress is your stress.

Wether you’re a doctor, an attorney, a police officer or whatever, actors get stressed, grips get stressed, directors, etc and it all can manifests itself uniquely to some extent so when you’re working with people who get more stressed out it raises the collective temperature on a set so if there’s someone or someones there that can kind of lower the temperature and be like 'hey it’s all cool we’re playing pretend' - and they kind of had a saying they would say "we're not curing cancer, we're playing pretend, we're trying to entertain so let’s go help somebody distract themselves from what they’re going through and we’ll distract ourselves" so they knew that they weren’t curing cancer so to speak. And kind of keeping in that mindset he thinks the longer you’ve been in the industry and the more you work here and there and everywhere, and he and Jensen have worked on multiple projects, if you have somebody or if you can be that somebody that lowers the temperature it’s a lot more fun for everybody. And he thinks he and Jensen are pretty infamous for goofing around and playing pranks on set but ironically the sets he’s been on and people are having a good time they finish under budget or the finish quicker cause if somebody is stressed out what could take them 5mins takes them 20mins so he and Jensen have always tried to do what they can do to go like 'hey we’re having a good time we're playing pretend let’s keep it cool'.

Jensen says he thinks it’s largely personality based that sets the tone. He and Jared know, and this is something he’s been told by crew members, is that the tone of the set is set from the top down. So producers, directors, lead actors they really set the tone and everyone else kinda takes their cues from how they handle themselves on set. He and Jared luckily figured that out pretty quick and tried to create a fun atmosphere that was exciting, that people would want to go to work, that was an inclusive comfortable place for people to create, and they are very proud of the set that they helped build along with the help of their crew, and the other cast and their directors and producers.

That Jared went right on to Walker where he is again at the top of the call sheet ad really setting a fantastic tone and giving a great example to all the other co-stars, the crew, the directors that come in and now he’s getting to do it for all the cast of Independence and he sets a great tone and is a great leader in that regard 💖 

That he has gone on to some other shows where he is not the top of the food chain, he’s more in the middle, a tourist so to speak. Jared calls him eye candy and strokes his arm.

Jensen continues saying that he's gotten to sit back and experience what the vibes of a set are where he and Jared are not the top dogs and he will say it is a different world out there but he tries to come in and do what he can to set a good example for what he can set a good example for like he can't always make the lead actor or actress behave a certain way he kinda just has to get out of the way and let them do what they're doing but he certainly does what he can when he gets the opportunity. And the fact that they have had so much experience and spent so much time in front of a camera doing tv for the past 20yrs he takes a lot of confidence in that when in a situation that might be uncomfortable.

He gives the example that he was doing a scene with a very highly regarded actor that has had a huge career, and they were doing this intense scene and the other actor forgot his line and started screaming asking what his line was and that may have thrown some people off but Jensen just kind of settled back and kind of grinned a little bit and was like 'all right, this is interesting' and it didn't phase him at all and he attributes that to the countless hours he and Jared put in honing this craft. x

Is there anyone Jensen still wants to work with that he hasn’t yet? There are a lot of very talented people that he would love to get the opportunity to work with he randomly picks one of the many he’d love to work with and says he'd love to work with Tom Hanks. He feels like he’s a guy who sets a really good tone on set. x

Also, Jared got a sound effect remote thing so when he makes a crappy joke he can give himself a rimshot 😂

What piece of advice would they give to someone starting a brand new career? Jensen's answer is don’t think you deserve more than you do, do the tough work. Keep your head down and do the hard work. He shares that when he first got on Days of Our Lives he walked onto set the first day, very excited cause he was going to meet Deidre Hall who played his mother. He knew who she was, big personality, kind of the queen of the set. She went up to him and he was really excited, he said hi and introduced himself, and she asked if he was playing her son, he replied 'yes, ma’am I am' and she just went "all right, know your lines, hit your mark and stay out of my light." And he looked at her and had a choice to make he could be like "excuse me? listen I have as much of a right to be here as you do" but that would have been the wrong thing to do what he said instead is 'yes ma’am'. And that’s exactly what he did for the next three years.

When it comes to this craft he didn't learn it at a college he learned it on that set by watching people like her, studying the guys behind the camera, and learning from those who'd been on the show for over a dozen years. He shut up and paid attention, and he thinks when starting a new career shut up and pay attention. 

Jared says that’s amazing and it kind of goes whether you’re starting a new career or staying in the same career for the rest of your life. He heard a quote that’s along the lines of you can have a party at your place with 100 people and you don’t remember 90% of who was there but the person who helped take the garbage out when the party was over you never forget. So whether you’ve been in a career 20yrs, 30yrs, 40yrs, 2yrs or it’s your first day you never forget the person who’s there helping you move tables, take the garbage out, with the dishes so do the shit work that will get you further and you’ll understand more of the totality of whatever it is, whatever endeavor you are joining or continuing.

Do the junk, like he and Jensen know how to move marks you don’t get an award for staying out of people light’s but if somebody misses their mark and you can shift to stay out of their light then you saved the crew 5mins cause you don't have to go back to one and do it again, do that 10 times a day you save them an hour, they get home an hour earlier, the producers just saved an hour of writing paychecks, people see their kids. So embrace the suck whatever the suck is.

Jensen adds earn it every day. x

I cannot continue without mentioning that when Jensen brought up Days of Our Lives we didn't get fangirl!Jared we got slutty!Jared like unbuttoning his shirt, adjusting the fan, panting- this man is a menace doing all this in front of Jensen's parents 🤣

What’s their favorite or hardest episode they had to film? Jared says his favorite is probably French Mistake. The hardest was also probably French Mistake or the finale. French Mistake was absolutely terrifying for him, when they got the call asking if they were okay playing themselves they asked if it was something they could talk about so he and Jensen talked about it and they kind of thought that as long as it was Sam and Dean they could do whatever but there was literally a scene where it was them playing Sam and Dean playing Jared and Jensen playing Sam and Dean. He had never done that before or since so it was a daunting task at the time it seemed like and the finale sucked to film.

Jensen agrees that the hardest to film was definitely the finale because there wasn't necessarily a physical demand although the barn fight scene took two days to film but the death scene was really tough just from a personal emotional standpoint for both of them and you could talk to any crew member that was there that day, there were boxes of tissues being passed around while the scene was going on. Some people even had to leave, they couldn't watch it cause they had spent so much time with them, and these characters and their story that they were watching them say goodbye to Sam and Dean, and that was really hard and they (the crew) were saying goodbye too so it was a really difficult thing to do but in the most beautiful way cause they earned that right to have that moment and that was a special moment but it was really difficult, it was really emotional.

One of his favorite eps is probably Yellow Fever because whenever he got to take Dean out of his though guy uniform and put him into something highly vulnerable like that he always just thought that was really really fun and enjoyable.

Jared jests that a lot of the comical Dean stuff they didn’t tell Jensen they were rolling, they just had the cat run out so he jumped into Jared's arms, and Jensen says that was just Jensen being terrified of felines. 😆

At the previous con Jensen mentioned a new project, and said it would be announced soon when in his world is soon? He answers soon is a calendar year. He will say there was literally a discussion on Friday about how to craft up the press release that it’s probably not what fans think as far as a movie or something like that so it’s a little different of an announcement but it’s something that certainly moves the needle. It’s some exciting stuff and we'll hopefully know in the next few weeks. x

The fan says that we need news but I guess Steve Norton understood we need nudes and muttered it, and Jared heard him and repeated it, and then someone in the crowd shouted out Magic Mike Supernatural edition, and Jared went "speaking of Magic Mike let’s just say Jensen’s needle will be moving". 💀 Jensen had to remind him that his mom is in the crowd and Jared's like "sorry, Donna".

What would they say their favorite thing about playing Walker and Soldier Boy is vs Sam and Dean?

Jared replies ironically he thinks as Cordell Walker the stakes are higher cause he can’t come back to life so it’s kind of fun to play in the realm of reality. It’s a bit different knowing his character can’t just come back to life but on a personal, deep level for him getting to play a father is pretty cool cause he’s been one for almost 11yrs now and he’s never been able to do that before that when he and G started dating she caught up on Gilmore Girls and asked if he had learned how to be a good boyfriend from the show and he said maybe that even though Dean wasn’t the best boyfriend he learned what not to do, so then started thinking about that and that maybe he learned how to be a good sibling or leader from spn and know he feels like he’s learning how to be a better father through Cordell from the stuff he does that’s really solid and the stuff he does that’s a mistake. He's learned how to be a better spouse, boyfriend, husband, or whatever from Dean Forester, a better sibling, leader, and friend through SPN, and now hopefully a better father through Cordell Walker. 

Jensen says he didn’t learn those lessons from Soldier Boy largely the opposite, Soldier Boy is also a father if we’re being technical he will say there is there’s certainly more of a freedom not just playing Soldier Boy but from being on a streamer - Jared says streaker and then turns to where Jensen's parents are to apologize again - he doesn’t just mean colorful language he means the gloves are off, there’s no real ceiling to what you can and can’t do and he feels that you really get to explore in a way that you never really get to on broadcast tv and you get to play in a way that you had to really kind of censor yourself so to speak on broadcast tv so he feels you get to take the characters to crazier places.

And he enjoyed that aspect of what he got to do with Soldier Boy though the toxicity with which that character lived in was also fun. People will ask "was it fun to play the bad guy?" It’s always fun to play the bad guy. He’s not a bad guy in his mind he’s the hero of his own story but to be toxic to everyone else was a really interesting thing to do and thing to play cause it’s definitely not what Dean was, Dean was kind of the opposite and certainly cordell- Soldier Boy's moral compass is not quite what Cordell’s is. So just getting to do something out of the box was really fun. x

For the Oscars do they have a best pic winner that they love or a movie they feel was robbed? Jensen says he feels Top Gun: Maverick should have been nominated this year. Somebody should let him know that it was, it actually got a bunch of nominations.

Jared says he doesn’t know what the nominees are this year or if he’s seen any of them but he will say over the holidays he went to Australia and on the Dallas to Sydney flight he watched 3 movies: Top Gun: Maverick, he loved it, Shutter Island both good, and The Incredible Weight of Massive Talent which he loved. He says it’s so amazing that he was talking to Jake Abel the other day and asked him if he had seen it and Jake was like "eh I liked the first half" and Jared was like "what?!" So he thoroughly enjoyed it and watched it twice.

Jensen goes with Triangle of Sadness for best pick, that it's weird he says it’s almost like if White Lotus was a movie on acid. Jared asks him what White Lotus is and Jensen is like "what???!!!" so they bicker for a bit and then Jared says he actually does know what White Lotus is, anyways Jensen says the movie is probably not for everybody if you watch it you might be wondering what in the hell is happening.

He doesn't have a pick for one that got robbed but Jared says Saving Private Ryan to which Jensen says good answer and Jared just goes "yeah, I know" 😂

In all the years they filmed SPN with all the fight scenes they did, did they ever actually get hurt or injured? Yes. Jared says he broke his wrist, tore his back, Jensen stabbed him- for those that don't know the story they do tell it and recreate it (though I think the visual recreation was more an excuse to be up close and personal 😜) but the story goes that after the scene where Dean fights Cain, he walks down the stairs with a massive knife and he’s stumbling around and he collapses into Sam's arms because of the position that Jared put himself in so he could catch Jensen (a squatting position because Jensen is not a small guy), Jensen's knife accidentally ended up in Jared's leg.

And they both felt it, but because Jared didn't react they didn't stop until they yelled cut at which point Jensen removed the knife, put his hand on the wound to help control the bleeding and called for a medic. But he gives it to his boy he did not stop till they yelled cut.

Thing is Jared insisted he was fine so they did one or two more takes but by the time he was done and could go see the first aide the blood was dry and his covered-in-blood jeans were stuck to his leg so he was ripping hair out when he was undressing.

Just to cover bases Jensen does clarify that there were rubber knives for fights but there were also dull metal knives for close-ups and such but it still has a point and that point is still enough to go into a leg.

Jensen says they’ve twisted and bruised about every muscle in their body during the fight scenes. x

Best and worst roles they’ve ever had? Jared asks if they can answer for each other 🤣

Someone in the crowd says Devour but Jared replies no, that Jensen was great in Devour. Says he’s a fan of Jensen that he’ll always be partial to Dean not only because it’s great on camera but because he spend 15 and a half years working with Dean, and he doesn't say the following to brag but the fans saw what the cameras captured but he was living with Dean, he existed. He and Jensen would be in hair and makeup, or in the car on the way to work reading and rehearsing and when they yelled action he'd would be like 'oh this is a living, breathing human being that's fully fleshed out'. So he’s gonna be partial to Dean even though Jensen's been great in a lot of things.

The worst character Jensen's ever played according to Jared is the brick pants. For those confused, many a year ago Jensen did a photo shoot where he wore brick pants in front of a brick wall. If you've never seen it don't worry here' s a link to the picture: 🧱

Jensen points out that's not a character but Jared replies that he should just call it a character. According to Jensen, it was an out-of-body experience that’s for sure, he was told by the costume designer that they thought the pants would look good on him and he just said okay.

Jensen is gonna copy Jared and say Sam for the best role cause he got to see him in the flesh almost every day for nearly two decades so he's certainly partial to that one. For worst character, somebody in the crowd mentions Cheaper By the Dozen that is not Jensen's pick but he does say that the reason Jared got that role was due to his height because Tom Welling is also in that movie and he's not a small dude so he needed someone taller than him to be the bully. When Jensen is telling this Jared is just adorable smiling and nodding along.

Jensen goes with Flight of the Phoenix as worst role because Jared dies in like the opening credits, he says he had he sat down to watch that movie to support his buddy and he was so excited because Jared had talked a lot about it and Jensen thought it was gonna be awesome and not 30 seconds into the movie Jared's character is the first to die. Jensen was like "there's a whole hour and 40mins of movie left does he come back from the dead?"

I absolutely love how well they know each other's catalog of work.

Jared asks the fan what they think their best and worse roles is and the fan replies that of Jensen's Dean is their favorite and worst was The Boys. I love the fact that Jensen is like okay, fair enough doesn't really react but Jared is shocked, his mouth literally drops open and he's the one that asks why. The fan explains they loved it but it was very different, I think Jensen hit the nail on the head when he tells her that it wasn't the Dean she was looking for, he also says that it was different for him too he saw things that can’t be unseen to which Jared says we all did. For Jared her favorite was Sam and the worst was Flight of the Phoenix. x

Final question! If they weren't actors what career would they have liked to have had? What did they want to be when they were kids? Jensen points out that he and Jared started out when they were basically kids. He didn’t necessarily have a career path in mind at the time he was like maybe I’ll go to school and figure it out but instead, he went to LA and signed a contract, and after several years on a soap opera hitting his mark, learning his lines, staying out of Deidra Hall's light he thought "I think I could do this" and that’s when he fully went at it but he doesn't know he’ll take a little chapter from her book, because this fan is a nurse, and says that if it all went away tomorrow he would hope to find a position in an industry that helps people. 

Jared says his intention was to go to UT in Austin and do engineer and then premed like his brother had done. At 40 if he had to go into a new profession tomorrow he’d like to teach although he doesn’t know if he knows enough of anything to teach. x

And then at the end, there are not one but two mini booty pats 🍑

J2 Main Panel Dallascon

[sirenjose]

I'm rather curious, while there isn't much on the Barriere family as a whole what are some of your thoughts and theories about them? (If you're willing to share that is). For me personally, it feels like there's an underlying and sinister air to them.

Honestly the big one that I constantly think about that I've had for quite some time that I continue to wonder when we'll get enough proof to confirm or deny it is whether Count Barriere was involved in causing or helping instigate/worsen the tragedy that killed Alice's parents, the DeRoss couple. (Whether that means he helped Orpheus' parents, the forest rangers, acquire the help they needed attacking the place, or potentially gave them the idea to steal from it, or something else, I don't know but I do wonder.)

We know he owns the land the manor is on, and he frequently appears in places connected to death, including Moonlit River Park and Golden Cave (Kreiburg Racecourse by extension of Lily's father. Potentially Lakeside too due to it's proximity to Golden Cave and the manor, as we know he owns the mountains Golden Cave is located at, the same mountains where the manor is, and thus its possible he could own the land where Lakeside is potentially).

Barriere also seems to have more mysteries surrounding him than even Orpheus, because we have no idea about his motivations or main goal.

Lily's S-tier essence implies his use of Golden Cave to earn his fortunes, as well as potentially hints at a "curse". Golden Cave's rumor states that, despite not finding gold, Barriere "still got what he wanted with this land". And we know the only thing that came out of the mine were Norton, his meteorite chunks, and the deaths of the other miners.

Lily's final deduction references an agreement between Barriere and "a person with the signature 'D'" where Barriere loaned to this other person a "'Mediterranean Development' bond worth £100 and a copy of 'Orfeo' published in 1881". It potentially hints at some of his interests, but we also know the Count sent Lily to the manor to "reclaim what is mine". Like Lily's essence, the bond could hint at monetary motivations, or it's possible he wants the results of that "Mediterranean Development", which could refer to the delphi fern or the drugs made using it. Orfeo... maybe that'd be a hint towards him pontetially manipulating Orpheus to some degree. I'm not quite sure yet. These are just some quick, off the top of my head thoughts.

Then there's also that paper titled "Contracting Parties" with the image of Alice's pocket watch from the Ashes of Memory (part 1) Concept Video that references both Dennis (presumably Dennis DeRoss despite the odd spelling) and Count Barriere. Likely implies 3 of these watches were made according to the quantity listed. I assume Alice got 1 of them, Dennis or his wife (or I guess Orpheus) have a 2nd, and then maybe the 3rd went to Barriere? But there's no info yet as to how these watches may be important beyond informing us of a connection or business relationship betwen Barriere and DeRoss.

The only reoccuring themes with Count Barriere seem to be money and death, but he also keeps ending up linked to a lot of important locations, including the manor itself. We likely will have to wait quite a bit before we get any more answers.

This was just a big... crack theory I've had on him. Honestly, besides that, whenever I have a question I'm attempting to solve, 1 of the 1st things I consider is whether or not Barriere's invovled or could be the answer ^_^; . This man appears so much yet we know so little that it bugs me so I end up literally grasping at crumbs and coming up with these crack theories that are based on very little (mostly only because we know very little to start with and there's not much to work off of, so I just do my best to think). I want to know so bad!!!

[vodkacheesefries]

Thought it would be fun to do an intro post for each of the three households I'll be rotating through in my historic sims file. Also told my buddy @schitzophrenicrainbows I would make one of these. It'll also help me keep things organized as I play the challenge since I'm committing details to writing.

Up first and beneath the cut, we have a little history dump and our Gladiators.

Gladiators initially started out as poorer people and slaves who were inscribed to fight and train in the gladiator schools, Ludus Magnus. Over time as people began to see the fame and honor that could be won in the arena, though it was more rare, people did start to voluntarily join these gladiator schools.

Due to the popularity of gladiator fights, and how pricey it got to train and house them, not every single gladiator fight was to the death for its contestants. (For the purpose of Finn's story/challenge rules, his fights will be.)

There's debate whether the infamous "thumbs down" actually meant the opponent HAD to die or not. It could have just meant they were disgraced and couldn't compete anymore, but I can't find definitive answers one way or the other, and the opinions I found on this often contradicted each other. (I could probably text my sister with three degrees all about ancient to medieval Italian/Roman history, but how do I explain to her I need to know for my Sims game lmaooo) All that said, gladiators often didn't live past their mid-twenties given the hazards of the job.

Gladiators were also sex symbols (do yourself a favor and look up ancient Roman graffiti. Humans are the same now as they were then lmao). Idk how much that'll play into my game but Finn does have to find a partner and have kids so the legacy continues but we'll get there when we get there.

Rana

Rana is the gladiator who has been at the Ludus Magna the longest. Her traits: Creative, Self Assured, Loyal.

She came from a wealthy merchant family, but the family business didn't interest her much. She left home when she was young to find herself and ended up finding the arena. She picked up sword fighting quickly and proved her aptitude for not only fighting, but teaching others to fight as well. These days she only competes occasionally, as she has proven herself invaluable in creating more gladiators.

She's hitting a point where the losses of her pupils, and more importantly friends, are starting to weigh on her. She likely isn't going to just be allowed to retire, though, so she has to figure something else out.

Apollo

Apollo named himself after a Greek God because he thinks he's hilarious. (This is debatable if you ask anyone who has spoken with him for more than five minutes.) He ended up at the Ludus Magnus due to his sense of humor; turns out a Senator doesn't like it when you make jokes about their philosophical ideas, even if they are stupid.

He doesn't enjoy the gladiator lifestyle much if he's being honest, and is counting down the days until his "voluntary" contract with the school is over so he can use what money he's won and travel the world like he's always wanted to. His self absorption is part him being young, and part it being a front for the fear he has of not living out his dreams and he wears it like a protective front. His friends know better, though.

(He also thinks Spartacus is cute, but he's certain Spartacus is going to stay a gladiator till he dies and that doesn't work with what he wants in the long run.)

His traits are: Loves the Outdoors, Self Absorbed, and Outgoing.

Spartacus

Disclaimer: I did not make Spartacus lmao. I was hitting create-a-sim burnout so I hit up the gallery to find someone else's Roman themed sim. Although I did make some minor changes to his wardrobe, added scars and swapped out a couple of his traits, which are: Athletic, Proper, Loner. I ended up keeping his name because while it's on the nose for a gladiator, it fits.

Spartacus is a former member of the Roman Legionnaires. He was released from his service due to an injury he sustained abroad. Once he had healed, he found civilian life to be difficult to adjust to, so he signed a contract with the Ludus Magnus. He's here for a good time, not a long time.

But lately, he's been spending more time with Apollo, and he's starting to change his mind. But surely someone as handsome as Apollo wouldn't be interested in someone who'd rather spend his time meditating than socializing at a party...

Finn

Finn's traits are: Athletic, Loyal, Ambitious

Finn knew the risks he was taking when he killed Antonius, but he doesn't regret it. He's now plotting his escape, and if his new found friends can survive, he'll bring them with him if they like. He really just wants to get back to Britain to what's left of his family and help them take back what is rightfully theirs and drive the Romans out.

By challenge rules, he has 10 fights to get through first. I also have to receive a silver medal or higher on at least 50 events, and I'll probably use his fights to accomplish at least 10 of those. (I've done six so far).

Will probably go over Laelius' household next along with the parts of the challenge they'll be completing, followed by his daughter's. Who I don't think I've posted so far.

Other households:

The Emperor's Family

The Frugi Household

[tarysande]

Can I ask, how does one go about becoming an editor? Like, where do you apply for jobs?? What kinda training do you do?? Are there companies that hire out editors to writers? Im just so confused about it. Ive always been interested in editing, and am considering doing it as a job

Editing is a weird career.

Really, I started as a writer. Like, when I was eleven. In jr. high and high school, I was in a writing critique group and I wrote a lot. I graduated from university with a degree in theatre, film, and creative writing. I was often the person my friends came to when they needed help with a paper (or the correct placement of a semicolon). I've been involved in fandom since I was about 17, and I was very fortunate to fall in with a group of excellent writers who were also excellent betas and editors. I learned a TON from them without realizing how much I was learning.

I started editing by accident, really. Sometimes, that's how it happens. I mostly got gigs here and there through friends or word of mouth. About ten years ago, I got more serious about it. I worked for companies that paid horribly. Then I did an editing test for a company that paid less horribly, and they hired me. After a couple of years editing countless academic papers, ESL academic papers, novels, emails, business documents, etc., I decided to branch out on my own (mostly so I could work on more fiction; I was burned out on academic papers).

I joined Editors Canada, started volunteering with them, got a lot more experience, and took a few continuing ed courses to gauge where my skills were at and to determine if I needed to upgrade my education. I decided I didn't need to do that, because I already knew the things I was being taught.

I read a lot of books on editing, writing, and craft. I familiarized myself with the Chicago Manual of Style, APA, MLA, and a couple of other style guides. I learned the differences in spelling, punctuation, and style between US, UK, and Canadian English. I went to webinars, conferences, and courses (all the major editing associations offer these, usually cheaper or free for members; they are a great way to determine what kinds of editing you actually LIKE). I learned the difference between rules and preferences, and when to apply them to a text.

I work freelance, which means I have my own business as a sole proprietor. I'm a contractor with a couple of companies who sometimes send work my way, but most of my clients are individual writers planning to either self-publish or polish their work before seeking traditional publication via the agent/tradpub route.

Freelancing has many perks but is not particularly secure. Especially if you're American and need an employer to provide health insurance, or if you're single and don't have another income to lean on when contracts are scarce. These days, most of my work comes via referrals, my website, or the listing I have in the Editors Canada directory. I follow a couple of editing-related Facebook groups; I've learned a lot there, and I've also picked up the occasional client. A couple of people have found me through LinkedIn. A couple of people have found me through here!

I've never worked in-house for a publisher--mostly because having control over how many hours I work and when I work them is my top priority. In-house is a whole different ballgame; I know a bit about it from my peers, but I don't have firsthand experience to pass on. These jobs are supposedly more secure--and they tend to be salaried, with benefits, etc.

"Editing" is a GIANT umbrella term. There are SO many types of editing out there. People tend to think of book publishing first, but that's only one avenue. There are also different kinds of editors who tackle different types of problems. I've done enough of everything to recognize that I am much happier when I'm working on big picture stuff--coaching, developmental editing, manuscript critique. Others specialize in the nitty gritty mechanical details that make proofreading or copy editing a better fit.

Right now, the bulk of my work life is actually spent ghostwriting. The client's business-materials editor posted that his client was looking for someone to help with characterization in a novel. I ended up winning that contract. He came to me with one monster book. I helped him realize it needed to be at least a trilogy, and now he has plans for a ten-book series--and I'm helping write it. But I got the job because of the work I've done on the development side of editing--and because I've spent SO MUCH TIME learning about characterization (via acting, fandom/writing fanfic, reading, etc.). So. It all feeds into the same place.

The tl;dr is that my experience has been a bizarre mix of being in the right place at the right time, ongoing professional development, and learning the value of volunteering with an association. If I were starting down this career path right now, I'd probably do an editing certificate (there are many out there, depending on country). I'd definitely join an association sooner (even as a student member) and volunteer.

Actually, the ultimate tl;dr is ... this industry IS CONFUSING. So, don't feel bad about being confused. It's actually probably about eight different kinds of job wearing a trench-coat and pretending it's something called "Editing."

[elvisabutler]

pregnancy angst with priscilla reader?

oh anon. you know not what you asked for. but sure why not let's balance out my fluffy vampire pregnancy thing with this. but also i can write multiple variations of this. pregnancy angst, secretly the source of all my power. BUT. tw: babies, pregnancy talk, breastfeeding talk, jealousy, the normal bs that comes from anyone saying priscilla and reader in an ask to me (so character bleed, age difference, daddy kink). brief mention of the consideration of abortion. you blink and you'll miss it.

suddenly we're writing out the same old lie

so consider our options. we have four by the way. one is that you know, you're never pregnant, think you are but you aren't and that's tragic in it's own way. we've already talked about that before. and then we have the one where you hide it until you really can't and your mom is just shaking her head and telling you that you've really got to tell him. and you do and it's- it ends alright.

then there's options three and four. three is you are and you never tell him until he finds out himself, four is that you end up getting pregnant by someone else while on the break.

consider! in option three, we shift the timeline a little because maybe you and austin stay in australia a little longer just in case baz needs to do reshoots and honestly you're not feeling like dealing with the bullshit that comes with trying to get back into the country and covid tests and just- it's better to stay a little longer. so you stay until you leave austin. and you're pregnant but you don't find this out until you're home and this is not happening. you- you don't want to get rid of it because you're selfish and priscilla has lisa marie to remember elvis by, maybe you want a baby to remember austin by. with his blond hair and your eyes and- you keep it but you can't go on the tour. you cannot under any circumstances go on the press tour in person. maybe for an oscar consideration run but a press tour? no. you'll- he'll see your bump and he'll try and get back together with you.

"i wanted kids but nessa and i- we were waiting. i had to get my career going and she wanted to wait until she was 30 to be married. it made sense." "what if we're not together." "my mom and dad divorced, but we made it work. i'll always be there for you and them. but you're never gonna have to worry about that, dove. never leaving remember?"

so you have to get out of your contract and baz helps- he hates it- but he helps because you're a great girl and you're still going to do some press, just via zoom. it's fine. and yes, yes he'll lie for you to austin. everyone will. but you don't go on the press tour, you end up doing interviews via zoom, everything is above the waist and people ask what's wrong and it's always, "had some personal business to take care of. sickness, you know how it is. warner bros were really understanding."

austin has an idea that something is up, your breasts look fuller on camera and so does your face. honestly he thinks of ashley pregnant with jupiter when he sees you glowing. he doesn't call though. he wants to, but he'll let you talk if you want. because he's so aware of how messed up your relationship was to certain degrees.

you text him when you see him at the met dressed in all black with your daughter using your bladder as a trampoline. you shoot him a text. "i know you still have the red ascot, you should wear it next time you wear that." he calls you twice and sends a text. you call him back.

"why aren't you here?" you almost tell him then as your daughter does a somersault and kicks your ribs, causing you to let out a curse and an hissed ow. and then a picture of him and kaia at the met flashes on the screen. "you know how you got sick, daddy? how elvis wore you down? it happened to me too. i got sick. i had to go." it's a lie and yet it's not. you should have called him by his name but- if she never gets to know him. never gets to shriek daddy while launching herself into his arms well at least he'll have been called it once.

consider it's oscar night. consider it's been two months since you've had her, not quite to the day. you don't want to leave her but you've been doing the press for austin and the film- your nomination was a lost cause, baz says and he sounds honestly quite sad about it. for at least a month in outfits that catherine sends and alters for you. and he wins. you all win actually through a stroke of luck and he's still shaking from his own win "couldn't have done this without my little dove." so you grab his hand and squeeze. he stops shaking and can actually speak again.

you find him in the corner of the oscar party- whichever one you go to and everyone's getting a little drunk and he notices you're not but doesn't ask because he's the corner nursing a whiskey and he sees you and looks nearly as rough as you feel because your boobs are rock hard and you know you've probably leaked through another pad and you talk. "you okay, daddy?" not austin. not satnin. not butler. just daddy.

"no, what did i do, little dove? hm? was it the ring? the onesie? you never talked to me. you promised you'd tell me if it got bad, i told you i wouldn't leave you." he meant it. he doesn't leave his people. even with bits of elvis still sticking in his soul the part of him that's austin and always will be values his people so much he'll keep them close forever.

"no. it wasn't that. either of them. it took me a bit to get the onesie but i got it, it was the scare and it was cute. the ring was- something else though, aus, i- were you really going to give me that?" you're massaging at your chest praying it doesn't give you a wet spot and that he doesn't notice. "no, it was probably when my daddy called me cilla twice before realizing it was me when i called him in the hospital. i never have stopped wanting to be your little dove. i just didn't want to be your little birdie too."

and then the argument that isn't really an argument and is just you two almost talking in circles, trying to untangle the web you've weaved.

"why didn't you tell me, i didn't remember saying it." he's huffing because you've been holding that against him and he's missed you so much for what. for a misunderstanding while he was drugged out of his mind? "what happened that made you miss the tour? they wouldn't- you were sick, you said you were sick i thought i did that to you. or that you lied and it was because of me, that you were scared to be around me."

"austin- no. that. i mean it was kind of because of you but it's not that-" and your phone is ringing because your sitter is texting you and austin can see your lock screen and it's a picture of the two of you on a couch on set, legs intertwined and your nose nuzzling his. but your home screen is a baby. a little blond baby girl no more than two months old.

"is that- y/n, are you goddamn kidding me?" he's livid and in that moment he swears every fiber of his being has him turning into elvis throwing a temper tantrum because because his focus narrows to you and the phone. "is she- is my name on the birth certificate?"

"she's not-" "don't even finish that sentence. when did you start lying to me, little dove?" the last bit is a sneer and it's the last time he calls you little dove for a long while.

"about the time i realized that you didn't love me, you loved an idea, butler." it's said in the same sneer because how dare he judge you. your in your early twenties and you never claimed to be perfect. you head out to leave and wave off baz and priscilla and everyone as austin follows you. the cameras are flashing and normally you care so much but right now you just want to get home to lori. he follows you, grabbing at your wrist once you're outside.

"a baby. you hid our baby from me. did you lose my number? i know you didn't- why didn't you call me? you knew-" "did i though? you had lily rose and olivia and kaia and i'm supposed to think, yeah, austin butler who i think is more in love with my priscilla presley wants our baby. yeah. i'm not- fuck- austin i'm almost a decade younger than you. whatever you think i know, i don't. and you know that." "so you were never going-" "i panicked, austin."

the car comes and he follows you in like it's normal and like you're not going to have to do damage control tomorrow. you should kick him out, but you don't. his jaw is tense and he's leaning against the window. "can i see her?"

"you're already in my car, butler. sure."

and he just takes that as the opprotunity to launch into twenty questions. "when did you have her? what did you say to yourself to justify not telling me about her? what's her name? did you-"

you're trying not to cry because your emotions have mostly settled but hearing him spit out questions so angrily reminds you of why you thought it was a good idea to hide this from him in the first place. you remember your labor and how you begged to not have a c-section and you managed to do it but they took her away for a minute because she wasn't crying quite right. "on elvis' birthday. i'm still very angry about that. it none of your business what i said to myself and- loretta. but i honestly call her lori."

the noise that comes from austin sounds like a sob but really just a pained groan. "my- y/n, you- how dare-"

"she's not- she's more priscilla's kid than mine, it didn't matter what i named her. and cilla once thought of naming lisa something with lynn in it but i hate lynn and only think of loretta lynn. but loretta sounded pretty" you whisper trying to head off him getting even angrier.

austin doesn't speak for the next 10 minutes until he grabs your hand. "i'm her father. if nothing else, i'm her father."

"that's the only thing i've ever been sure of." you say back with a squeeze as you both leave the car to go see her. the babysitter looks at you both with wide eyes before just shaking her head. this is none of her business, maybe you will tell her later.

she's crying and it's not because she's hungry or anything else, but when austin takes her from the bassinet attached to her pack and play she instantly calms. and that's what makes you ask him to just- see how you two can make this work before you get any lawyers involved. that you messed up but so did he and- just one shot, butler, please.

he calms down eventually, probably about a few months on when lori is in his arms after burping directly in his face after feeding from your chest. he laughs and holds her close while pointing at you. "learned that from your mommy didn't you, little lori. learned that from the prettiest little dove. rudest, but prettiest."

it makes you stop what you're doing and just stare before you sniffle. "don't call me that if you don't mean it, daddy." daddy because if he means it you'll go right back there right now.

"come here little dove. wouldn't say it again if i didn't."

he meant it. and maybe you cry while lori just plays with your hair happy to be in her father's arms and happy that maybe mommy will be happier too. you find a couple's therapist to go with your own that you finally got after you had an extra set of hands in the form of austin on a very long filming break. maybe you move to cannes. maybe you don't. but you fix things slowly but surely.

[ashleywool]

but getting older means more awkward situations

Turned 37 yesterday. The 34 guilty convictions were a very nice present. Probably the best present I've ever received, including last year, when my present was a literal Broadway contract (ok, technically we found out on June 22, but tomato/tomahto).

A less nice present was the letter from my building management informing me that if I renew my lease (which I won't), my rent will be raised to what would have been 33% of my net income if HTDIO was still running. It was about 29% before, which is still a lot, but worth it for the ability to have no roommates in a decent apartment.

And when I say "decent," I mean decent in that it checks most of the basic boxes amenable to a reasonable quality of life. That is, if you don't mind having a walkup with a perpetually dysfunctional kitchen ceiling light, a radiator that you can't turn on, water damage on the ceiling due to other people's radiator dysfunction, construction outside your window during the day, aggressively loud pedicabs in the evening, and squeaky garbage trucks at 1am. So basically, a decent quality of life for heavy sleepers (which I am not) with fully functional body temperature regulation (again, not me) and no mobility issues whatsoever (I do check that box, at least for now).

The plus sides are: it's right in Hell's Kitchen, and within walking distance to most of the places I regularly go, it's a reasonably sturdy and non-fire-hazardy building for its age (which means I feel comfortable leaving my cats there) with functional plumbing and electricity (except the kitchen ceiling light), never had a pest problem, the refrigerator and microwave are brand new and excellent quality, the oven is younger than me, although it's small, and only one of the burners doesn't work.

I'm no stranger to the horror stories of NYC apartment living. I know I'm still more privileged than most to live in a place that's decent.

But it's not "you need a six-figure income and perfect credit just to APPLY to live here" decent.

It's not "you owe $9K in deposits and broker fees before you even move in" decent.

It's not "you must have either consistent exorbitant wealth or significant supplementary generational wealth in order to stay here" decent.

"So just get a job. Just get a roommate. Just put up with more problems. Suck it up. Or move back in with one of your parents again."

Sure. Okay. I'd love to. But.

When the minimum wage is $16 an hour, this isn't a "just get a job" problem.

When you're a highly trained professional at the highest level of your field and you're unemployed because corporate landlords were mad that your show wasn't selling $800 tickets in the middle of January like your neighbors at Merrily, this isn't a "just leave the industry" problem.

When finding a new career that would pay anything near what you need to live in this city would require taking out a small fortune in student loans to get another degree just to qualify for entry-level jobs that still won't pay your bills until you significantly advance, this isn't a "you majored in theatre, what did you expect" problem.

When you're autistic and chronically fatigued, fastidious about cleanliness and clutter, and religiously adhere to schedules and routines and predictability in your own space, this isn't a "just get a roommate" problem.

When you are a more-famous-than-average individual whose autism is directly tied to the things you're best known for, and Reddit is full of nightmare stories about what it means to have an autistic roommate, and Reddit is also rife with lies and rumors about you specifically, this isn't a "just get a roommate" problem.

And while I love my parents and have great relationships with both of them and they are doing everything they can to support me...for complicated logistical and personal reasons that are none of the Internet's business, "just move back in with your parents" is not a super helpful solution either.

But if I don't find a miracle between now and the end of August, that's probably what I'll end up doing.

And the crazy thing is, the fact that that's even an option for me STILL makes me more privileged than MOST people.

Nobody should have to face the situation I'm facing, and yet millions of people--especially disabled people--face this and worse, with far less support than I have. A cornerstone of my advocacy has been pointing out this inequity as often as I can, and trying to use my privilege and platform to help and amplify people who don't have those resources.

At this point in my career, I am supposed to be throwing down the ladder. Instead, and in spite of everything, I'm clinging to the ladder for dear life while the rungs crack beneath my feet.

And it all comes down to the landlords.

Legislation that limits the acquisition power and earning power of property owners, and enacts strict rent caps for residential AND business buildings, would solve 98% of my problems and approximately 75% of everyone else's problems in this city. (Please don't quote me on these statistics, they are sourced directly from my ass and are for idealistic illustrative purposes only.)

Anyway. Um.

34 felony convictions is still a beautiful thing.

[thefloatingstone]

this is a bit out of the blue, but i saw your comment on the ao3 post about volunteering and i just wanted to say that translation volunteering does take up some time but it's not super demanding, and the staff are lovely so if you need breaks or extensions it's chill. so like. if you're on the fence. maybe just give it a shot? any help is always super appreciated :D

Thanks for the info!

I'm just not sure time wise since I am already pretty over taxed to a degree that is upsetting me because I feel like.... how can I put it... like I am overly aware of my mortal limitations as a human being who does not have an infinite life of time. I'm busy working with a studio on a short film, I need to get back to working on my youtube stuff as well as get back to livestreaming now that I'm no longer sick. I want to get back to the Mass Effect livestreams as well which is a separate set of streams, I am also working with an international job recruiter which I haven't been able to get back to in 2 weeks as I have been very sick so that also needs my attention, I was asked if I would possibly like to take part in an anniversary zine which I also want to check if I have the time for it.

And then just add all the real life stuff like visiting the doctor at the moment so I don't get sick again, cooking, household chore shit all that jazz etc etc.

Before I got sick I got to a point where I took on more than I could really handle and I got so overwhelmed and stressed out as a result. A big part of it is also I work from home on contract so my hours are my own which means er.... I end up working either a ridiculous amount of time for an entire day or barely at all depending on what else I need to do (it's the ADHD)

So this is like "oh this is a cool thing I have the ability to help with on a thing I care a lot about!" but also.... my limitations......

[rainbowsky]

Hallo Rainbow, thank you for your blog, it´s so interesting, entertaining and informative!Since DD has now become shareholder of YH, I´m wondering if that reduces the chances him of ever coming out or get at least bolder to share the same stage again? Like now he will feel even more responsible not only for co workers on a project but for a whole business company. Of course I´m happy for him and his massive success which really is beyond imagination but my turtle heart feels a bit torn...

Hi Didiber! Thanks so much, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog! 😊

A couple things come to mind when I read this...

Fake, fan fiction, CPN.

My thoughts regarding DD and YH.

My thoughts regarding fan reactions to career and life decisions GG and DD make.

I'll start with #1. I don't think the pressure level has changed for DD. He's been carrying a lot of responsibility at Yuehua for years as the top earner there. Just because the company is now listed on the stock exchange, that's not going to really make that big of a difference to DD's activities.

The real pressure will come upon those who are in charge at Yuehua, and especially on those in charge of finding new talent that can match some of DD's earning capability.

It's been said that DD will be helping with the new talent to some degree, but ultimately it's not his burden to bear, it's the company's. Yuehua has stated they intend to use most of the capital they raised through this IPO to work on finding and developing new talent, so hopefully they'll have some success with that.

As for DD coming out, being seen on the same stage as GG, etc., the likelihood of those things happening hasn't changed at all. As I've said many times, any top star represents the work product of dozens of people. Their fortunes are deeply tied to the fortunes of the employees, brands, drama projects, management teams, etc. etc. etc. they work with. They aren't at liberty to make choices 'just for them', they have to consider all the other people and entities that will be impacted.

And that's not just on a personal level, that's on a business/legal level as well. In many cases there will be liability if they do something seriously damaging to their own image (and by extension, the image of the brand/project/entity affected). Just watch what happens when a star is canceled in China. They end up being held liable for lost revenue of some of the projects they've been a part of. That's actually government policy now - to hold stars directly accountable for the impact of their 'bad behavior'.

Is being queer 'bad behavior' that could be punished in this way? Well, the government has definitely been tightening the noose on the LGBTQ community in recent years, so it's possible, especially if GGDD's coming out became a political issue in China, or sparked a political movement of any kind - which it might - or if it was deemed to be 'a bad influence on the youth' - which it probably would, given the homophobia of this government and their emphasis on pressuring people to enter straight marriages and have children.

Even without government policy being a factor, most major entertainment contracts include clauses about this type of thing. Not just management contracts but also project contracts, brand endorsement contracts, etc. etc.

All of these factors are at play regardless of whether Yuehua is listed on the stock exchange or not. It doesn't really change a thing.

As for #2...

Disclaimer: Every fan is free to make their own choices about how to be a fan. I talk about my own feelings and perspectives but ultimately they're just my opinions. I feel strongly that everyone needs to think for themselves and form their own ideas.

I feel dismay whenever I see turtles - or really any fan - get upset about the career moves or decisions GG and DD make. In my view GG and DD should always do what's best for them and their lives and careers. Full stop.

And they are the only people qualified to make those decisions. Fans have no actual clue, and in almost all cases they don't have even passing experience/knowledge in one of the areas affecting these choices, let alone all of the complex factors that go into a choice at the level GG and DD are operating on.

GG and DD are surrounded by entire teams of experts whose only job is to consult with them and give them the best possible information on all the angles and factors that go into any decision. Legal experts, management teams, financial advisors no doubt, professional insiders, close family and friends, etc. etc. People who know the details of GG and DD's situations and goals and are uniquely qualified personally or professionally to support them in choosing what's best for them.

Any decision GG and DD make reflects what they feel is their best option given all the factors at play.

Therefore as a fan I personally choose to respect and support whatever direction GG and DD choose to go in. It's not my business to decide what's best for GG and DD, nor do I generally allow myself to view their choices through the lens of my own personal wishes or cravings. They don't owe me anything.

Especially when it comes to their personal lives, because I think it's extremely important for turtles to remember that GG and DD's relationship and their choices about whether to be out as queer are part of their personal lives. It's not work product, nor anything we have any reasonable stake in as fans.

I can wish GG would record a full album and do more live singing performances (and I do), but the fact that he hasn't done so tells me that it's not an option for him given the factors currently at play in his career. So I accept and respect that I will have to wait on that, and that it might never happen.

And as turtles we might fantasize about them being able to live openly and freely one day, about them coming out and getting married or whatever turtles daydream about, but ultimately those are very personal decisions that only they can make. If something in their career seems to lead further away from that ever happening we should remember that those are fantasies anyway, and in no way reflect GG and DD's reality.

All this to say, I hope we can all just celebrate and support GG and DD's careers. What they choose to do, what they choose to show us and where they are at right now rather than what we personally want to see happen.

I believe in GG and DD, and in their ability to know what's best for them.

I want what's best for them.

The equation couldn't possibly be simpler.

I leave it all in their capable hands.

To be clear: I'm not trying to paint anyone who laments certain impossibilities as selfish jerks. What I'm trying to do is to encourage us all to look at things from a different angle - one that will hopefully make us all happier, calmer and more stable as fans, and will make it easier for us to support and accept GG and DD's choices.

[fiixer]

A couple Misc. Little Headcanons that won't go away, so I'm posting them here:

Will never be seen in public, or in private with people he's unfamiliar with (or purposely keeping at arm's length) in anything less than business casual. Seeing him in anything less is a big sign you're in good standing, as it probably means he's invited you into a private residence, doesn't feel the need to be the intimidating fixer everyone knows him as, and is okay with allowing you to see that image.

Everyone picture tiny, chubby baby Jordi right now. This isn't a headcanon, I just thought about it and now I want all of you to do so, too.

Doesn't date, but has no hesitation about taking someone on a date. You're not getting a commitment of any sort of out of him, but if you're down for the peripheral stuff? Nice dinners, a long walk by the lake, spending a night wandering around some sort of festive thing that the city has going on (ie. the Taste of Chicago), that sort of thing? Hell yeah, sure, he can play the part for a night. He'll even be a gentleman while he's doing it - to some degree, I mean Jordi's still...y'know, Jordi, but you're not going to open your own doors, or pay for anything, and might find his jacket over your shoulders if you're obviously cold, so that has to count for something, right?

If his first impression of you is good (you're straightforward with jobs you want done and pay him well if you're contracting him, or you do your damn job and deliver results if you're working for him), later on you can ask for damn near anything and he'll provide, sometimes at a discount or sometimes simply out of the goodness of his black little heart. A favor for a favor is big in his world, and he always repays his debts. So, you help him out, and you might be surprised by the things he can and will do for you in return.

Grew up speaking both English and Mandarin at his parents' insistence, as they figured knowing both would give him the best advantage later in life. And they...weren't exactly wrong. English not included, Mandarin is the third most commonly spoken language in Chicago, so a few additional doors are open to him when it comes to potential jobs; be it jobs he's actually accepting or digging up information, it helps a lot being able to, y'know, talk to people.

Random, small child babbling absolute gibberish his way, and he'll be the guy who's basically like cheers, kiddo and continuing on his way. Screaming and/or crying children are another story and he's just gonna nope the fuck out of that situation because that is just a migraine waiting to happen.

You're probably not going to find any one consistent genre of music playing with him, whether it's in a car he's using or in hideout/residence of his. His taste is pretty varied, and even he's been a little surprised by songs and artists he ends up liking.

He's got a few properties scattered around, hideouts not included. Chicago is the main point, where he has three: one is a condo considered his personal residence, and the other two are rented out. He's got other rentals in San Fransisco, Seattle and NY - one in each, he didn't go crazy with it - all for a little extra cash in his pocket. Having those properties also provides a little bit of cover for himself, because if anyone goes poking around, he can play himself off as a real estate investor.

Want an easy way to get on his good side? Give him anything sweet - sickeningly sweet - with a bunch of additional bonus points if that sweet thing is strawberry, salted caramel or white chocolate.

Aiden gives Jordi crap for being an inch shorter than him. Jordi gives Aiden crap for being 1 year older than him. Karma decides to side with Aiden for a change and Jordi starts going grey first.