#and i just dont want the space to be TOO negative . i dont wanna come off that way

[strawglicks]

apparently yellow/orange backgrounds are also common when i draw these two

[mrsbarnesxxx]

heyy, are you comfortable with writing poly relationships? if not, no worries, but if you dont mind id like to request an eddie/buck/reader fic where reader is insecure slash unsure abt their place in the relationship

thank youu

I don't belong here

Absolutely love! I haven't written for poly!buddie before, but I'll give this my best shot. Hope you enjoy lovely anon ❤️

Summary: You feel insecure about your relationship with the boys. They spend all of their time together, so of course they have chemistry, but you? Where do you stand in this relationship?

Warnings: negative thoughts, insecurity, Buck and Eddie being sweet, Eddie speaking Spanish! Fluff

The way they interacted seemed so natural. I mean it makes sense, they spend all day together while you watch Chris. You're able to work from home due to your job, so you spend most of your time with Chris and Carla. But Buck and Eddie, they spend most of their time together. Maybe that's how their romantic relationship blossomed, but now as you watch their effortless interactions, you wonder how you came to be with the boys. They seemed so natural together, and you? You felt like you had to work for every interaction, every flirty remark, every kiss.

"Oh yeah? You wanna go for the title?" Buck asks stepping closer to Eddie, almost caging him in to the counter.

"M-maybe I should go..." I say quietly as they talk, flirt really, as they move closer to each other.

"What?" Buck asks looking at me entirely confused as he gives Eddie a little space.

"I think I should go home." I say standing from the barstool in Buck's kitchen.

"Are you feeling alright?" Eddie asks coming to check on me. His hand brushes against my cheek and I turn away from his touch. He frowns, his brows furrowing.

"Cariña (dear), what's wrong?" He asks softly. I just look down, unable to meet his eye. His hand gently lifts my chin towards him, forcing me to meet his eye. He lifts his eyebrow at me softly.

"I-I don't belong here, Eddie." I say quietly as tears fill my eyes.

"What?" Buck asks stepping in, he cups my face in both hands. "What do you mean?"

"Are you having doubts about this...us?" Eddie asks almost numbly.

"I-I want this to work, but...." I take a deep breath as a tear falls down my cheek.

"Hey, you can talk to us." Buck says thumb caressing my cheek.

"You guys are so good together and I just feel like I don't really have a place in this relationship. I feel like the ex wife or the babysitter who stays home and watches the kid." I say honestly.

I watch Buck's heart break through his facial expressions alone.

"Sweetheart..." He says quietly. "I-" he decides to kiss me instead. His kiss is passionate and it's like he's trying to convince me that everything I just said wasn't true.

"We love you so much." Eddie says kissing my head as one of his and one of Buck's arms wrap around my waist. They pull me into a warm hug. I relax into their embrace.

"I love you guys too." I say softly.

"I'm so sorry we made you feel like that Cariña." Eddie murmurs into my hair.

"You complete us love." Buck says softly.

I smile into the hug from my boys. My boys....

Yeah. They were my boys. And I was theirs.

I hope you enjoyed love! Also, I'm a sucker for Eddie speaking Spanish, so I had to throw that in a little bit!

[enden-k]

i wanted you to know, chinese fandom of genshin headcannons alhaitham as being a very clingy boyfriend. How do you feel about that headcanon? (just like does it fit your own headcanon for him or not?

)

guess depending on what type of clingy were talking here. is it physical? bc then YES

i love to hc haitham as touchstarved and enjoying/seeking physical touch a LOT but only from kaveh (or his love interest) - outside of that, he doesnt like to be touched by strangers etc and with his attitude its not smth that happens anw

at first he doesnt know how to communicate it well enough (bc he doesnt realize right away that he wants to, sometimes its difficult to identify/recognize a feeling or urge you never experienced much before) so sometimes hes jsut looming around kaveh for a few moments before he just blurts it out directly or simply wraps his arms around his waist to pull him into him (wonderfully catching the architect off guard and getting him all blushing and complaining) - def like a cat approaching you for pets and attention no matter if youre busy and then leaving freely when he got his fill. he wouldnt be too overbearing or too much in general though and once he learned more of his new needs and urges hes def bolder (but still so unbelievably cute) with his actions and doesnt care where they are (he would def swoop in for a kiss or two when he has the strong urge to do so and then get scolded for pda)

i just rlly love to think of aloof, coolish haitham having such soft sweet needs. give this man his night cuddles, he loves spooning as much as messing w kaveh

if its clingy outside of physical, i think haitham is someone who values personal freedom and wouldnt cling badly, rather giving kaveh (or anyone else) the space and freedom he himself also enjoys and wants bc he is someone who likes his alone time very much and needs it, after all. and when he needs it he will take it and you wont find him if he doesnt want to be found. hes def not needy (sometimes he is, like when kaveh is busy w a project and haitham craves touches and presence) or demanding of attention or constantly clinging to kaveh. he does enjoy being around him and often seeks him out to rile him up and mess a little with him perhaps (he just loves it)

i feel like "clingy" behavior is more fitting to kaveh if you wanna call it that (it sounds so negative jkbjkb but in this context i dont mean it negative) simply bc hes got more insecurities etc

he fears hes "not good enough" for haitham, thinking of himself too much of a mess that sometimes he has doubts/anxieties/insecurities and finds it hard to believe that knowing all of him and his faults and issues, haitham still loves him. needing reassurance when it gets bad. its not like he doesnt trust haitham or thinks he would cheat on him or whatever, its just that on some days its hard for him to believe hes worthy to be loved, clinging onto him then so not to spiral down

outside of that, kaveh is someone who pulls a lot of attention to him be it on purpose or not but the one persons attention he loves and enjoys the most is haithams (though he wouldnt admit it out loud)

when it comes to clingy in connection with jealousy, i like to think theyre both jealous ppl (not in a bad, toxic, damaging way ofc) - if not, haitham even a bit more. throw in some slight possessiveness for him too idk i just love that sm

anw idk if i interpreted the word "clingy" right, its rlly late and i just had too many thoughts pouring out the more i wrote that idk anymore if its related to the topic so im sry if its completely off to what u asked akjbsckj

[mazzystar24]

I’m respectfully about to lose my mind at some of the fandom rn with the way buddie shippers are being treated… It’s like no one understands the whole point of shipping a couple is to want them to be together, so duh if something happens that could potentially lead to that pairing they’re going to get excited and theorize? Yes it’s absolutely important for Buck to explore his sexuality outside of buddie but the way people are trying to say that buddie shippers are homophobic for wanting endgame buddie….. when buddie is literally a queer ship? it doesn’t make any sense to me as a queer person myself because it’s like- y’all do realize that buck dating eddie would in fact mean that he is still bisexual, and that people have wanted thst for years, so A) why are we shocked and appalled at buddie shippers for being happy that they are one step closer to endgame buddie, B) why are we calling people homophobic or biphobic when they are quite literally shipping two men together, C) why are we all acting as if buddie endgame hasn’t been simmering just under the surface for YEARS and that if they were going to give us buddie, then thag means buck and eddie would both have to come oit as queer…

I’ve seen so many prominent blogs in the community who have made posts like “buck’s bisexuality has nothing to do with buddie and you are a horrible human for even insinuating that” and so many people are agreeing??? And not to mention the fact that now these same people are trying to villainize and trash on Eddie when in all honesty Buck’s behavior in 7x04 was NOT okay- physically harming someone because they’re not giving you attention is never okay (and i’m saying this as someone whi ADORES Buck, he still needs to be held accountable.)

It just reads very icky to me that so many people are screaming “bi pride” but then spewing all of this vitriol over a ship that would fit within Buck’s bisexuality…

It worries me that the writers are going to see this negativity from people and they’re going to just completely back-burner Eddie’s character in favor of Buck and it disappoints me because even outside of buddie, a major tv show portraying a repressed gay poc with religious and family trauma would be EQUALLY as powerful as Bi Buck is……

but i guess that’s just people only caring about the queer storylines when it’s about a white man since these are also the people acting like Hen and Karen or Michael and David haven’t been there the whole time

but that’s just me i guess….

I’m bullet pointing not to be curt by the way just because I prefer addressing part by part🫶

1. Agreed like this fandom was relatively peaceful then BAM it fully shifted overnight like in the words of Taylor swift THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS

2. Yesss exactly like I’m very much a dont yuck someone else’s yum type of person so like even ships I don’t like I’ll be like okay respect 🫡 enjoy your fandom space love that for you AS LONG AS THEYRE RESPECTFUL TOO and I’m not gonna lie to you I see the primary source of negativity and stuff in the fandom be people who legit never watched anything other than the bucktommy related content (which I kinda have a whole other rant about but I don’t wanna give you miles and miles to read in one ask)

3. Yes to that 100% - buddie is a queer ship the cognitive dissonance it takes to call someone homophobic for shipping them is honestly fascinating atp, Buck is bi canonically now and y’all do realise that who he’s with or if he’s single even doesn’t take away from that right??? Like the rep is THERE and will always be THERE

4. You worded it a bit weird but I got what you meant (I hope) so anyone who didn’t may require a little clarification, the sentiment of bucks bisexuality being separate from buddie I think is 1000% correct and I agree wholeheartedly that a persons sexuality and their journey shouldn’t be just about their love interests but about themselves as a person, the issue people are taking is that 1. The people saying this are saying it on every buddie post even when the same blogs posting it have 177283 posts talking about buck as an individual and as a bisexual man outside of buddie and bucktommy, so it’s sort of become a weaponised statement if that makes sense 2. The buddie shippers are the ones who have been advocating so hard for the show to give us canon bi buck like that’s just fact no one can deny so to the og fans who’ve been here for YEARS (I’ve only started like 2023 ish so I’m not counting myself there) this must be such a total slap in the face to be receiving so much hate now

5. Oh yeah the Eddie bashers can personally come fight me

6. If I’m 100% honest I choose to interpret the basketball injury as being mostly accidental like I think he got too into it and forgot himself and his own force for a second rather than intentionally hurt Eddie, like it so happens in sports, I think it’s like just the after guilt that made him question himself and his motives, idk that may just be me denying canon because it just felt too out of character for me to believe

7. I think the fake bi pride stuff also irks me BAD like some of these people are looking for very surface level superficial representation and if you don’t push for more and more substantial and meaningful representation then you’re gonna get constant variations of the same exact thing and these are also the same people ignoring every other queer character in 911 which is just🙃

8. Idk how much the writers take fandom into account but I constantly say like if they were to listen to fandom they’d go the route they know people wanted for years

9. YES about Eddie’s character like I made a whole post about gay and comphet Eddie and how meaningful it would be because it’s just so so unique and unprecedented

10.HAHSKDK THE CROSSED OUT PART IS WHAT I JUST SAID BUT I DIDNT READ IT GAJSKDKFM

[mrs-monaghan]

Another entry. Firstly, Still With Me? Did JK release a new song that I didn’t know about? Secondly, I would rather speculate that a song is about someone then a hand gesture that a lot of people do.

I saw them coming at us for paying attention to numbers and 11/08 even though that's way more real than whatever tf this is. Like... aren't they embarrassed????

Anyway guys, I have an announcement to make.

Attention please!

Thank u ☺☺

Okay so I've been getting alot of frustrated asks mad at tkkrs and antis on twitter, right? Unfortunately I tend not to post them because I don't wanna bring too much negativity on this blog. Especially when some of those things are vile AF. Anyway, the point of this post is, My friends and I are in a Jikook discord and a few of us do this thing on twitter where we fight antis and shit especially when they come to Jikook spaces.

As we know recently a big Jikook account with 15k followers was attacked the other day for liking a post from an anti. But she had no idea that person was one. She just liked the post coz it was Jikook related. It's an easy mistake to make, really. She tried apologising and explaining she'd blocked the anti but these assholes didn't listen. They went though her profile and started commenting under all her regular, normal tweets that she was an anti and should be ashamed of herself or whatever. They were determined to give her no peace whatsoever.

When called out themselves, one account shamelessly said that they were antis and proud. That they didn't pretend that they don't hate Jimin. This really made me mad. It's not the first time they've been quite proud of the Jimin hate they partake in. Tkk accounts will gets thousand of likes on a post hating on Jimin and this ain't right. An anon sent in an ask venting about us being cowards and I agree. They attack Jikookers and these jkkrs end up deleting their Jikook posts. THIS SHIT AIN'T RIGHT!!! Its not.

They do this thing where they move in balk. My friends and I tried to back this account up. Encouraged her not to let them get to her. But it dont matter that 5 people are on your side if 30 people are telling you to kill yourself its just... /sigh/

This account is still running. But they had to unfollow everyone they follow and start from scratch. This ain't right guys. Its just not fair no matter how u look at it. I think we need to start giving tkkrs the same energy they give us.

Simply ignoring them is NOT working. We don't go to them, they come to us. I think its time Jikookers fought fire with fire. Which is why I'm making this post. A few of us had the idea to create a Jikook fighting discord.

If you are reading this and are tired of taking shit lying down. If you have wanted to fight these people but you were worried that you are just one person and won't make a difference. If you see the Jimin hate and wish there was something you could do about it, I come with an offer. Fuck tkkrs. Fuck antis. Fuck solos and fuck ot7 accounts that call out the vermin but then delete their tweets when they start to loose followers. Fuck all these people. Lets do something about this, ourselves.

Tkkrs are the ones causing chain reactions. If they didn't attack Jimin, Jimin solos wouldn't attack V and JK. (Yesterday I saw an art of JK with a dirty diaper and I just...🤮) If they shipped in peace and didn't attack Jimin literally all this shit wouldn't be happening.

I say we give them a taste of their own medicine. So if you see this post and you agree that enough is enough, then come join us here.

If you can't join then spread the word. Time to defend Kookmin and Koominers. Fuck this shit. The vermin have ran rampant for long enough. Photoshopping Jimin getting blown by band pd wasn't enough. Now they're editing him into porn. Guys, they've go10 too comfortable. Let's do something!

1) Create a separate twitter account before you join us. Safer not to use your main

2) ONLY Jikookers allowed in this discord. If you are not one of us we will know.

See you soon. I hope some of you consider. This shit has to stop. Kookminers assemble!!

Bless 💜

[pastelstarmie]

considering going to one of your shows but i dont have any friends who are concert sort of people so like is it a safe enviroment to go to alone or ?

That's awesome, we'd love to see you there!! I am gonna be honest and say this is a little tricky to answer, but I would like to say our shows are generally safe for everyone, and although we can only control so much we do as much as we can to make our gigs safe and inclusive! As a band we are anti-bigotry in all its forms and promote that in our lives, actions and music, so I would hope no shitty people would even want to come to our shows and engage with our audience or ourselves! Hopefully we just attract lots of like minded really cool people so it is a really lovely and inclusive environment!! Like literally if you are a racist, nazi, zionist, terf, homophobe, transphobe, misogynist, sexist or bigoted in anyway at all like don't come to our shows stop listening to our music and fuck off! We have also never had any reports of anyone getting hurt or endangered at our shows, and we really hope it stays that way! We do not however manage security directly or anything venue related that is usually the venue itself, with the promoter being responsible for who comes in and out. We will call out anything shitty we see and will resolve and support anyone that feels unsafe or has had a negative experience, and work with the promoters and venues to make sure people who would harm others are not at our shows! There is moshing, jumping and lots of movement, and people do get pushed about knocked down and maybe a little bruised, but nothing serious, but this is often in an area of the crowd so you can find a safe space away from if you do not want to participate! If you fall during a pit you will most likely get picked up and checked on that you are ok! People or ourselves generally return lost stuff too, so if someone finds a shoe or phone we can hold it up and stage and make sure it is returned, and again people have been very good at this and is the normal behaviour in our scene! You are always welcome if you feel unsafe or are alone to let one of us horses know or our friends or crew, we will try to sort the issue and if wanted you can stay near them/us! We just want everyone to have a fun and safe time, enjoy some music and maybe make new friends at our shows! Also if you wanna contact us more directly either here, or Instagram, Facebook, TikTok wherever feels comfortable for you about which show you want to come to or anything like that we can do some more research and let you know more direct info too, and help you out however we can! I hope this was helpful in making a choice!!

[afuckingsystemsthoughts]

the online DID community is very toxic. its honestly anti healing. it hinders healing. the online DID community is all about whining about how bad DID is for you and never seeing the bright side of having alters. if we do that, we're called cringe and accused of faking. they just focus on "im dissociating so badly idk my name!" and all the other bad parts of having DID. they are so stuck on sharing every single symptom they have, and im just trying to find systems i relate to. i dont wanna hear "im so disoriented, i feel like im in a dream, i switch with blackouts like every day" when thats not even how many DID systems experience DID- greyouts happen way more often. and not everyone with DID is disoriented by dissociation every second nor do they dissociate every second. the symptom exaggeration is all anyone will see in the online DID community especially on r/DID. when i first found out i could have DID, during the diagnostic process, we joined r/DID and it caused us damage. we felt like we werent valid and self harmed so much, we couldnt wear shorts without the scars being visible for nearly two years. i thought i wasnt valid but i wanted to be, and id exaggerate symptoms the same way most of the online DID community does. i had to leave those toxic spaces to learn that people with DID dont always dissociate every living moment theyre awake, dont always dissociate severely to the point its disorienting most of the time, dont always have blackout amnesia between every switch, dont always notice signs they have it. where did i learn the information about DID that saved my life? therapists and psychologists who worked with real DID patients, and from some systems- some DID systems who were pro recovery and some endogenic systems. the online DID community has this view that you have to suffer 24/7 and hate your alters to be valid, and when i gained knowledge and was free of that group, i felt more valid and could work on healing. i fused alters more than i split them, i was able to start making an accurate timeline of what i remember, i had more memories come back and was able to process them safely. this isnt a callout on a whole community, its just a personal experience, all i see is negativity in the online DID community and that hindered our healing. some DID systems online have helped us, but its mostly been therapists and psychologists. moral of the story: dont trust everything you see online. social media doesnt accurately show how the world works. especially when it comes to mental health. a lot of people use social media to seek attention, exaggerate their real disorders for attention, or vent their frustrations when they cant safely do it irl. most of the stuff in the online DID community, including syscourse, is all influenced by emotion not by logic, so its not 100% real. its okay to not be involved in the online community for your mental disorder. its okay to take breaks from it when it gets too much to deal with. do whats right for you.

[pedrospatch]

hello <3 i just want to sprinkle some sunshine on top of your thoughts. coming from another writer who, too, has seen Shit coming from other People TM

negativity is a weird thing; it sticks out like a needle in a haystack—you could get a hundred positive comments and yet a negative one can just yeet you off your game. i wanna give you a virtual hug right now and say; its valid to feel this way. you are not alone in feeling this way. but i still wanna go on record and say i absolutely adore your writing and your joel and you truly have a gift for being an author. and i know many will agree with me here.

you are allowed to write. and you are allowed to write joel *however* you see fit. its you enjoying something and sharing it with others. that person was wrong for making that comment, however harmless it might’ve seemed; fanfiction is the literal definition of different interpretations with AUs, characters, canon content, etc. please dont ever stop blessing this space with your art. if people want to offer backhanded, unsolicited criticism then they are welcome to write their own version of joel.

sending so so so much love to you author!!! keep your head up <3 commencing the rereading binge of all of ur work rn. i will stay up all night if i have to JUST WATCH ME!!!!!!!!!! rotating your joel in my mind the way i do with my microwaveable meals!!!!!!!!

thank you for the kind words non. tbh that comment a couple of days ago, seriously it wasn’t even a mean comment. and it’s not something I don’t know, I even said it myself, I think I said in a comment reply that I was being so self indulgent with this portrayal of Joel that I didn’t care if he was ooc…but clearly I cared 😂

idk, I know I’m not like up to par with many of the talented writers in the fandom who write Joel so perfectly, but that’s okay. I KNOW it’s okay, it’s just fanfiction that I’m writing in what little spare time I have and not only that but I’m doing it with nothing in return, I don’t get paid for it so I shouldn’t worry about it

[hometownrockstar]

I’ve been wanting to read new books/comics do you have any suggestions? I wanna broaden my horizon and try out works I haven’t had the chance to get into!

yeah sure! ive been reading quite a bit lately, mainly horror and disturbing books/mangas so obviously trigger warnings for those ones i can elaborate on specific ones if u ask but i'll keep it short... iunno what specifically you might want so i'll just shoutout my favs recently

Berserk has been the latest manga ive been reading, probably one of the hardest ones to read bc its VERY sad and disturbing but is an incredible story nonetheless. i am not phased easily by written stuff but berserk was the first thing to have a scene that i had to look away from so proceed with caution... Berserk is interesting bc it has Nietzschean tragedy themes and structure, portraying a world where evil and pain happens for no reason despite humans fearing not pain but pain without purpose, but it also holds a sense of compassion and realism to both the good and bad, exemplifying how Nietzsche saw tragedy as beneficial to enjoying and valuing the good parts of life. Sorry this got long but a lot of horror stuff i feel can be boiled down to "Super fucked up bad things happen in it" which doesnt give the whole scope of how a specific media might handle or portray it, so i wanted to explain how it feels to me, rather than just saying its gratuitous.

Something different is the manga Ultra Heaven! this was like finding gold when i discovered it, its short and unfortunately incomplete but i highly recommend it just for the incredible illustration work and playing with paneling and crazy mind stuff. its written by a guy who does drugs and often points to psychadelics as a heavy influence for his work, and its extremely apparent in this one. if you love beautiful artwork and surrealist mind-fucky narratives (like perfect blue or eva) then i cant recommend this enough.

ok i cant let this get too long ummm Animorphs! throwing a curveball but its still horror, just kid's cosmic horror. and war. and its really good, even tho i read it as an adult for the first time i loved it. actually rlly good commentary on the ethics and grey morality during war. Heres where u can download every book, the megamorphs and alternamorphs are required for the plot btw theyre listed in the order u read them in-between the series books.

A good horror/comedy manga is Franken Fran, i INSTANTLY took to it when i picked it up its my style of dark comedy exactly. i really liked black jack for the episodic chapter style, n this is like black jack but with dark comedy body horror and i love it :3

Back to books... I'll list these together, Come Closer by Sara Gran and Confessions by Kanae Misato. I stayed up all night on two separate nights reading these bc they had me hooked so well lol... I wouldnt call them horror, more like thriller/tragedies. come closer has a great writing style, its a rather sad book about a woman being possessed by a demon, really good sparse prose that emphasizes details. Confessions is just... u gotta go right into it, its GREAT. really intriguing style and premise, love the epistolary format, SO good with details.

The Melancholy of Anatomy by Shelley Jackson, short story compilation. i talked abt it best in this post so i'll link it

Bonding by Maggie Siebert is a great short story horror collection as well, the horror feels like aching and emotionally palpable in it, very well done one of my fav horror books ive read so far.

These next two things are about more abstract writing so dont expect completely clear narratives -w- but I read Amygdalatropolis by B.R. Yeager and i SUPER loved it but i might have to reread it a couple of times to get the hang of it. his newer book Negative Space has good reviews so i'll check it out soon but thats more of a grounded narrative, Amygdalatropolis juggles surrealist imagery, forum text, symbolic elements in a truly hypnotic way.

Umm finally i have been really into books of poetry by Sam Pink lately :)! theyre rather short and like some are more story-related but theyre absurdist and really like, good and resonating in a personal way, i really super enjoy it, i read You Hear Ambulance Sounds And Think They Are For You and a bit of Person and i like them a lot :)

[tinytrucks]

I've got no choice but to sit and wait now. I've got to wait for the low income apartment complex to potentially contact me, thats a couple months at least. I'm thinking at LEAST two (?) months. Hopefully only two. I don't want to wait much longer than that. If I could move out right now I would. It feels like I shouldn't still be doing laundry, doing dishes, helping with the kids and etc. I was broken up with, there feels like there should be some sort of separation with that but there hasn't really been one at all beyond no "I love you"s or kisses. Thats actually all that we dont do thats relationship like. I suppose we don't hold hands and such so there's that. Anyway, I really wanna get outta here. Its not that I feel any huge negative thing being here, he is a good guy and I no longer feel any sort of...like... anger or resentment toward him or anything it just feels like with my own space will come a huge sigh of relief and sort of a weight off my shoulders even though I know its gonna be a huge struggle no matter what. I just wish I could inject some patience into my body. I just dont know quite how long I have to wait for the low income people to call me back. It could be ages to be honest. There is no real time line so what in the world am I supposed to go off of? Maybe whatever apartment I sign the lease to I can just go month to month. I know the rent is usually more when you do that though. Wonder what the penalty for breaking the lease would be because that's more likely what I'd have to do.

You know what man? Thank goodness I thought of this place to let out these random words cuz I have no idea where else I could let this stuff out. Its just random thoughts and there is literally no one else I could talk to about these types of things to. I suppose I never really had someone to talk about these types of things to. The random stuff. It was never him. It was sort of my best friend, I could talk to him about random stuff but not too often. So this is good, I'm glad I found this again.

So right now its near the end of January, I've got to wait, if I'm being honest with myself, till probably April to move out. Ugh that feels so incredibly far away. Literally it makes me want to throw up. Especially knowing I'm paying bills and such that I could NOT be paying. But I also very much do not want to go back to living with my parents. How do I explain to my parents that I dont want to live with them? Especially when it makes financial sense to live with them lol I just dont want to..../emotionally?/ ...live with them? I dont even know if that how to describe it. I just really badly don't want to live with them again. I want to go from this space to my own space. Whether that's low income or regular it doesn't matter to me. The thing is...I could save hundreds or dollars if I get the low income one. ARGGSDF!! Idk what to do!!! No one can make the decision for me, truly this time. Wowza. And this time people are actually waiting on the decision. Well, I mean, I'm still waiting on the people to call me back but yakno they're also waiting on me to make a decision.

Anyway, I think that's all for now. I want to keep writing just to get the sludge out but there doesn't seem to be any other words particularly. See you later. self.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

hello! im not usually active on here (i use twitter more) but i stumbled on your asks while scrolling through my feed and after reading some, i realized that we have the same stance on chapter two. when it was announced that each member would be releasing their own solo album, i was super excited. ive loved everything each member has put out before including collabs and their songs on soundcloud so, of course, i was excited to see what this chapter had to bring! looking back, i have no idea how my feelings abt this changed so much.

it was definitely after face that i started to get a bit tired with all the releases but i still streamed and kept up with all the content because i truly do love all their solo works and wanna give all seven members my full support. i was definitely a bit overstimulated with how much individual content we were getting, which could be why i started to feel these things, but ive always shown my support.

although im vmin biased and adore the layover album with my whole heart, i definitely think layover era was definitely my breaking point. twitter has become so insufferable and has just created a space so negative that its hard to even enjoy anything. i was so excited for layover but everytime i would go on twitter, solo stans would be tweeting nonsense and comparing numbers and its just all too much. this has been a problem ever since chapter two started but i never saw how bad it was until now and its honestly heartbreaking. i miss when there was no division between the members and everyone was supported equally among the fandom. ive spent a lot of time on twitter and would just block solo stans and call it a day but its come to the point where its impossible to just block and ignore bc theres way too many! chapter two has definitely fueled their narratives and given them more confidence for some reason but i truly hope theyre gone when 2025 comes around.

even some fans have started acting like solo stans but hide behind the fact that theyre heavily biased. theres clearly a difference in how armys treat the members and it definitely shows more with how they treated each solo release which is just disappointing. i understand people have different music tastes but would it hurt to act excited for a member that you supposedly love?

ive never noticed this before but this chapter definitely showed some armys true colors. this chapter also did an amazing job of fueling solo stans and their narrative that their favorite could go solo and leave bts behind, which is completely untrue and none of the members would actually want that. because of this, twitter has become such an uncomfortable space and has definitely made me less excited abt future solo works which ive never thought would happen since i love new bts music.

im definitely gonna take a break from twitter until jin comes back but for now, i really do wish i was able to enjoy chapter two without such negative feelings. i was truly very excited but looking back, i see how rushed everything was and although im glad each member was able to shine in their own way and explore with different genres, sometimes i wish this chapter took a different approach or just never happened. im hoping this feeling goes away when bts are fully seven again but i dont know. i just felt the need to let that out since ive been feeling this way for so long that i started to feel guilty bc ive never had such negative feelings towards bts before.

and of course, this is no hate to bts! i love my boys and have gone all out for all solo releases. im more just ranting abt army twitter and how they kinda ruined this experience for me which isnt the boys faults at all.

Your feelings are valid! You don't need to feel only positive things about people you love. Think about the people you love most that you know personally. Have you never been disappointed in them, with or without reason? Have you never been irritated by them, irrationally or righteously? Have you never wanted distance from them, because you wanted space or because you were upset with them? People only have these kind of unrealistic expectations about love when it comes to their favorite celebrity. Having mixed feelings about people you're close to, or even love, is just life.

Fandom is a large part of being Army - I mean, it's right there in the name -, of course bad fandom experiences can "turn you off" from the group. Before this blog actually started to resonate with some people, I wanted to delete it and hated myself every time I posted because I felt that all I did was spread hate - even when it was more political and not really about BTS themselves. I felt so alone and it was hard being a fan. Then, because of my Jikook and Jungkook posts, more people started following me and interacting with me - for example, sending me asks like this - and everything changed. Now I know that if I don't like something, I can share it, and someone will most likely feel the same way. It makes a world of difference...

I don't think I was ever that excited about chapter 2 tbh. And, unlike you, I definitely was disappointed by most releases. Most of it grew on me over time though, and I genuinely appreciate everything BTS has accomplished in chapter 2. I had so many mixed feelings about Jungkook, and still regularly get annoyed and disappointed, but when I see everything he's been able to achieve... like having the fourth most streamed song on Spotify this year??? With 3 months of tracking? Being the first Asian act ever in the top 5?? That's crazy. His music is so loved, and he's done so many cool things... I wouldn't trade solo era for anything. I really believe they needed this. There was always so much talk about BTS having no individual branding, and everyone wondered how well they would do solo - I'm sure BTS themselves had these thoughts about how they'd manage on their own - and now we/they know. They did great!

Obviously, chapter 2 made solos worse and fueled petty competition between the members, but I don't think it was that bad? These issues have always existed in the fandom and I don't believe chapter 2 made things that much worse. I still see so much support for OT7...

Honestly, I'm OT7 but I love Jungkook way more than the other members... I only streamed for Jungkook because otherwise I didn't have the motivation to stream songs I didn't want to listen to that many times. I think it's impossible to expect everyone to have the same energy towards every member. I listened to every song and album in chapter 2, and watched most of the performances, but with so much content, I couldn't be bothered to keep up with most of it. I have, like, 10 Jungkook lives as well as radio interviews and other videos of Jungkook to watch still.

Another point, I think it's easy to get caught up in fandom battles. I found myself pitting JK against Jimin, for example, because I saw so much of it and maybe I'm naturally competitive? You just get sucked into the bullshit as well. Even if you're not a crazy toxic fan, Twitter can change you.

Sadly, solos will still be around in 2025, and a lot of them will still be crying out over mistreatment and other bullshit. Now the members have "legitimate" solo stans too - ie. people who became fans during solo era and didn't bother checking out, or liked, the other members.

There was definitely so much content that it was overwhelming, but that's BTS tbh. I've just been a fan since 2019, but I was only not overwhelmed with content in, maybe, 2022?

This post kinda got away from me, but, yeah, take a break from Twitter, don't feel bad for feeling tired and overwhelmed with all the content (what Army isn't tbh), and my ask box is open anytime you want to vent!

Thanks for the ask!

[ask-steve-cobs-ii]

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☆☆ I do have social anxiety,, so sorry if i take a while to answer your ask,, this is my 1st time running an ask blogg!! I’m not used to answering sm asks, but also bc im BUSYYY!!

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#mod talks - mod (blog runners) rambling lawl

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or DONE sumn similar? lmao jk

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written by mod cake 🍰

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[everything-i-couldnt-tell-u]

you've already given me so much, too much… but if it would be okay, i would really like it if i could stay with you. i'm no longer expecting anything, i just know that i'm sure of wanting to stay with you. i don't really know where else our friendship is going cause i feel burnt out from it, i often don't know what to talk to you about anymore. i've also been affecting you more negatively with my vents and random suicidal urges on twitter, so i think i shouldn't be with you right now. it also always makes me anxious and uneasy when i think of our friendship cause i dont know where exactly it's going anymore, but in the end, i know i still want to be with you. i feel like i've run out of ways to continue expressing my adoration for you too, but i still do love you. maybe for now i just need a bit of space and alone time to recharge and deal with my other personal stuff. i dont wanna say another goodbye again cause i always come back 🤡, i think i just need take a break. i didnt really improve that much, and im still the same person who just vents negativity online to no end so i wish to distance myself from you so that you won't be bothered for now. i dont wanna be too dramatic in this anymore and i just wanted to say my intentions so that they're clear. i'm not angry at you nor have i lost interest in you. i just wouldnt be really be in touch with you for now because of the things i said above.

[doyouordoyounot]

oct 26, 2022 // 2:40am

i dont know how to feel what to feel

im writing this entry to help myself process what i want, my hopes, and hopefully make my eyes and mind clear of what should be felt, what i should think.

i dont know why everything is blurry to me. i used to feel that i dont have any feelings for you anymore, i dont care for you anymore. what ever you do, it doesnt matter to me.

but i know i really hurt you from what i said. and nothing could take that hurt back. no matter what i do or what i say. i want to say im really sorry. i really am. i hope i could turn back time. i was so harsh on you. i knew u still had feelings but i didnt care. i regret what i did. i regeret making you feel bad, sad, lonely, and alone. i always want us to be in good terms but i know thats not gonna happen anymore. so i have to live with it forever.

i will keep on wishing for you happiness. i just want you to be happy. more than anything. despite all that happened to us.

i do miss you. i miss us talking, and in good terms. still, i know i dont want us to be together. because of all the bagagge around ourselves, i dont think i can. but i really miss you. and im really sorry. i know i cant do anything anymore. i feel like youre already in the process of moving on. it makes me smile, honestly. but i dont know why there's a tear that comes along with my smile. i still dont know why im hurting now that you are totally gone. do i still love you? or is still just because i care for you. or is still because im selfish? i dont want to be selfish. i just want you to be okay. thats all.

i dont know why im still writing. what do i want from this? i feel like im going on circles.

if i could, and if im still relevant, i just want to say... im still gonna be here. no matter what, yuoure still welcome in my life. even as just a friend. i shouldnt be the one saying this. maybe because i want you to? i dont know. ireally dont know.

bottomline is. i hope youre okay. youre doing things that youre happy. its sad that i wont be there. but ireally do hope eveything u do, brings you happiness. i wish your plans becomes reality. and if there's someone beside you cheering and holding your hand along theway while you achieve your dreams, thats good and better. i just wanna see you smile. i just want to see your smile. it brings me happiness too. idont know why. i think becuase you still hold so much space in my life nad heart. idont know if this is love. or just care. but yes, you do. so take care of yourself. i love you justine. that love will never go away. maybe so does the pain that comes with it now that youre really gone. :) i dont know what im saying really. im jsut spewing words into texts. just be okay, okay? i wanna breathe clearly. i just want to be okay again. u being okay, is enough for me. i dont want to think you cried, were hurt, or naything negative because of me. i know theres nothing special with me, so i hope im not doing any damage to you anymore. you deserve the best. and only the best. im gonna take a deep breath now. and hopefully this will help me really let go of whatever im feeeling....

[odysseys-blood]

im tired of feeling emotions.

[lustbile]

ah yes my presence has been requested but like…… do u wanna know sexually, romatically or just in general???? jaehyun is…. smthin else LOL like he gives me idgaf vibes but also gives me like ultimate form of romance vibes….. maybe its bc hes an aqua sun but has a taurus moon and pisces rising…. but he also has an aqua venus so likely he would make u chase him lol. def the type to pretend he isnt THAT interested and in all realness probably thinks that open affection and trusting others doesnt seem that safe…. like on one hand hes rly a romantic guy but can also be detached and/or unpredictable!! he has a leo lillith which is insane to me and tells me alot abt him actually, very provocative and visually and sexually appealing (as we all know LOL what a man) hes an aqua stellium which literally just means Emotionally Stunted and Hates Everyone and hes actually rly introverted and easily annoyed by ppl, does not like talking abt how hes feeling (wow an aquarius not liking their own feelings??? shocker) his taurus moon and pisces rising combo r what make him a romantic, w his taurus moon in the second house he tends to only rly entertain/make the first move in a relationship only if hes sure the other party likes him first lol. hes actually very dependant on positive feedback and often looks for admiration but hes also very capable and loyal which is so sweet :,) on the neg side tho w his moon square venus his emotional and romantic needs can actually cause tensions,, and he may not know what he wants. bc of his auqa venus he can come off as stand-offish, is threatened by restrictions of any kind, and will also need his own space. unfortunately, (this is NOT a reflection of him at all, just an observation of this placement in his chart.) he could have affairs, as it is hard for him to define his own boundaries and can get hurt in love very easily. marraige may not be for him, tbh. long distance relationships may seem more attainable or desirable to him tho!! v uncomfortable w grand shows of emotions. hes honestly very open-minded and sees the world the way he wants,, n both his appearances and mannerisms make him quite intriguing to others. (bc of his pisces rising!! honestly not surprised that hes a pisces rising bc he has a v piscean/water sign face/look) sexually hes actually rly more likely to be more into unconventional things, i think. in sex i dont THINK he has a chance of being submissive, if at all. he’s dominant for sure, but not in the way johnny or yuta are. jaehyun idealizes sexuality and love, but hes actually rly rly passionate. i def think hes into your basic rougher kinks: choking, biting, scratching, etc. probably enjoys a bit of slapping, maybe degradation too. could probably into pet play. (puppy moreso than kitten, imo) following on that, probably is elated to let other nct members see you like that. would probably have you sit at his feet in lingerie w your tail and ears, a pretty collar and leash attached to your neck while he has company. it brings out that obsessive need for him to control, and absolutely drives him nuts (especially knowing in the back of his mind that you love and trust him so much that you would let yourself be put in this situation in the first place and enjoy it just as much as he does). i dont think he would ever share, tho, or let anyone watch him fuck you. he seems more like someone who would enjoy sir and master more than daddy when it comes to titles. wants to hear you vocalize everything. affirmations, answering his questions, dissatisfactions, everything. i dont think he’s loud. probably more likely to grunt and growl, and maybe youll get a deep, languide moan when he cums. i do think he’s into somnophilia, the idea of you giving him that level of control, letting him use you like a fleshlight probably rly, rly gets him going. a TEASE. im not a jae bias, but thinking abt him pressing you into the matress w his hand on the back of ur neck and just lowley telling u how bad he wants you, teasing abt how needy u are for his dick. (continuing in another ask lol rip)-🪐

— 🪐

I’m gonna put the other message in a readmore just so they can be in the same post

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-

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is probably into non-con and honestly, more likely to be into dubcon as hes probably a horny ass bitch. could be into period sex, knife play, and asphyxiation play. would absolutely be the typa man to push your face into his pelvis while you suck him off and plug your nose. thrives off the choking noises you make and the whimper you let out when you pull off his dick and he gives u a lil slap on the face. i feel like jae is on another level when it omes to being freaky, you just have to drag it out of him. theres alot of layers to this man and honestly if you want a relationship w him be prepared to put in WORK lol bc (based on his chart, ffs dont attack me for saying this) any type of insecurities where you get jealous/defensive will probably make him vanish into thin air. will probably let problems sit and rot before confronting them. will be more likely to walk out than to fix things unless hes like RLY in love with you. like i said, be prepared to put in work lol. jaehyun is an enigma but he has such potential to be an incredible partner, lover, and best friend. (also this is the first time im ~actually~ looking at his chart lol dont @ me if some things r wrong or off!!!)