#and i just found out that he tells people I dumped him bc ‘he had feelings for other people’

[prettygirlgerard]

man because why did I have to hurt so much only for my ex to lie to everyone about why I broke up with him and keep his friends and make everyone dislike me and victimize himself :/

[gutterfuuck]

Can I request a mark drabble w/ breeding kink 👉👈 I'd love either bff mark or sinister mark but if you go the sinister route can I be a bit of a coward and ask that he be a little. Softer. Maybe specifically for the reader bc I am a little pansy and I get unrealistically offended when I'm condescended or treated like property, and while it would be hot if this man talked down to me I would also be inclined to punch him in the baby maker and then we'd all suffer bc no smut would ensue 😭

Sorry, I just dumped a bit of unwarranted baggage on u there but you come off as really sweet in all your posts so I hope it didn't bother you too much! Thank you for all of your posts btw your writing is delicious! Also your English is very good, you have a great grasp of the language and I respect and appreciate all the effort you must put into making all of your writing so articulate. English especially is said to be very hard to learn so I immensely respect the effort that goes into it, regardless of any/how much help you require/accept to do so. Manifesting a mild inconvenience to that anon a while back who accused you of faking for some reason I hope they step on a wet kitchen tile while wearing socks or something and rethink how they choose to speak to people online. 😊♡

hello anon!! thank you so much for your considerations, maybe it is because i am emotional since i get very choked up when it is birthday season but this had made me cry happy tears 😭😭 also, i agree!! if anyone was to talk to me like i am disposable in real life, i think that i would break down and disintegrate haha!! it is not cowardly to ask for things, do not be swayed!! baggage is never unwanted here, i am the baggage 😂!! i will do the upmost of my best ability, as i have been waiting to write for s!mark again 🤭🤭 also, i do agree people should be more mindful about what they say to others! you never know what anyone is going through, just because you can hide behind a screen mask doesn’t mean you should or can be mean to people!! i do not judge those who do though, they will learn as months and years pass, people do learn and change!!

cw: mdni, smut, breeding kink, just a little drable to warm up my fingers hehe!! minor injury, reader patches him up

you could hear your husband come crashing through the juliet balcony of your bedroom, bumping into the bed and waking you up fully. you bolted up, scanning the darkness of the room and staring at the silhouette of your lover, crouched over in the shadows. “mark?” you peep, eyes still adjusting as you clicked on the bedside lamp, your eyes instantly closing when the brightness took you by surprise.

he looks back at you, pulling his mask with its flimsy broken black goggles off of his face and discarding it to the floor with a heavy sigh. mark always found it so cute how you’d gasp with your hands flying to cover your mouth when he returned with an injury, your worried eyes looking him over as you jump out from under the covers, hands flying up to cover his cheeks and observe his cut nose bridge, one of his eyes squinted due to the budding bruise on his upper cheekbone, “gonna nurse me back to health, baby?” he asks, smiling down at you and placing a kiss to your forehead. he listens to you lecture him about being careful when visiting other planets, rolling his eyes like he’d really just die like that. you knew he was tough, but it didn’t hurt to be concerned.

he sits on the side of the bathtub in the bathroom, tilting his face to the side so you could rub his injuries down with antiseptic solution, mumbling something about how he was still half human so he still had to be a little careful. he didn’t know how many times he’d had to tell you that even though he was still half human everything else was 100% brutal alien. each time he told you, you ignored it. maybe you liked patching him up, placing cute bandages on his face to stop his bleeding. he was hardly injured but he’d be damned if he didn’t let his cute little wife dote on him like this, the sleeves of your fluffy gown he’d bought home for you rolled up your arms as you fiddle with the first aid kit.

“y’know what’d me me feel better?” mark says, taking your hands into his. god, he could just crush you right now, you were so adorable. you hum in response, intertwining your fingers with his as he brings them to his lips, trailing kisses up your arm and pulling you closer, inching towards you slowly. your mouth hangs open with a breathless silent mewl as his lips stop just by your jawline, finding it hard to hold himself back from nipping your skin and marking you up. you nod at his earlier question which draws a chuckle from him, hands moving down to grip your hips and pull you onto his lap, “let’s go to bed, then.”

you’ve got your face in the crook of his neck, holding onto his back as he pistoned his hips in and out of your tight heat, never being shameful of your moans. music to his ears, he thought, letting you cry out so desperately into the night. if you had neighbours you’re sure they’d complain. he groaned when he felt you clench around him, muscled thighs stuttering for a moment as you suffocated his cock within your walls. “oh, babygirl-“ he tilts his head back, holding you firmly as your legs wrap around his waist, practically bouncing you up and down on his dick himself, “m-mark..-!” you squeal, voice raspy and throat dry when you feel him buck up into your g-spot, weeping head poking at it repeatedly, trying to pull your orgasm out of you. you whine loudly, holding onto him like you’d fall apart if you let go.

“shhh, s’okay, hold onto me like that, there we go.” mark comforts you, such a strange comparison from when he’s out causing mayhem to now. if those who opposed him were to see him right now, they’d think he’d be a different person. he was so soft with you, treated you like you were made of porcelain and you loved it. you were glad that you’d somehow tamed him in a way, molded him into your perfect husband as he made you into his perfect wife. domestic bliss.

you stifle your noises with his shoulder, softly biting on it as he snapped his hips up into yours vigorously, his own orgasm approaching hard and fast. you could feel the way his cock throbbed inside of you, the way he slowed his hips a little before trying to keep up his pace. “so tight, always so perfect n’ tight f’me, aren’t you?” you nod brainlessly into his shoulder and he coos at you, eyebrows furrowed together as he gasps lightly.

“i’m gonna cum, princess.” he says breathlessly, humping against you for his own orgasm, “inside…” you whisper to him and he almost loses it right there, almost falls over when he thinks about the implications it might have. “inside? yeah-fuck, gonna let me cum inside, just for me?” mark pants, pussydrunk figure caging you in under him as he chases his orgasm, “gimme a kid… f-fuck, gimme a baby, wanna make you a mama… g’na look so perfect— fuh-uck..!” he babbles, vision blanking as he cums inside of you, wave after wave of his warm seed spilling into your cunt, seeping into your womb. he canted his hips a few more times, almost fucking himself into overstimulation as he continued talking, “..gonna give me a mini me, huh? complete our little family?” he asks as you nod in agreement, too fucked out to even process what he’d said to you just now.

[thecapricunt1616]

Papaya (c.b one-shot)

Part one here

Blurb (More BTC!) : He knew you were that out of your mind, when he pushed his way through the house, shouting “Squish? SQUISH!” Over the music as well as he could and he found you being basically fucking molested by some meathead that had a good 6 inches and 75 pounds on him. The sight made him so enraged, it made him see red so quickly, it made him black out in anger. He came to again a few moments later after he uppercut the guy so hard he fell back on his ass, and then punched him in the face so hard that his nose started bleeding.  “Bear?” You said confused 

“See the fucking cup, asshole?” He seethed, everyone was watching now as he dumped the remainder of your icy drink on him and crushed it before throwing it at his shocked face “ the blue cup means she’s taken”

♡ One-shot inspo: Papaya is associated with femininity & strengthening love connections. Hang twigs of papaya wood over a door to keep out evil. Eat papaya with a loved one to intensify your love. Mix papaya leaves with mandrake and burn or use in the bath to reverse hexes and jinxes. ♡ Summary: You & Carmys first time, F/U to 'Very First Time'♡ W/C: 4.7k ♡ A/N: EEEE It's here! The first was recieved so well, & my sweet @carmenberzattosgf requested a part 2 as well as this sweet anon, so I had to indulge! I hope it is everything you wanted <3 Who's ready for some sexy sexy Carmy tomorrow!? I know I am!!! I can't believe this is my last piece before the drought is over...It has gone so freaking fast!!! I can't wait to meet all the new fans that this season brings <3 :) (P.S. If you were tagged, it's BC you asked for a part 2 or are my moot!! <3) P.S - Tumblr was really trying to get me to commit murder while formatting this JFC ♡ Warnings for BTC: SMUT SMUT SMUT, College relationship, childhood best friend trope, virgin!carmy, Fem!/AFAB!Reader, R has long hair, No use of Y/N (r goes by childhood nickname 'squish' ), Drunk men being pervy, Physical violence, Angry Carmy

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You stumbled into the nearest vacant bathroom (with your drink in hand of course) as Miley Cyrus’ We Can’t Stop bumps through the speakers of the frat house so loudly that the floors shook. 

The amount of stinky sweaty bodies and drunk people making out in various corners of the hallway would usually get to you if you weren’t so out of your mind. You weren’t exactly sure which drink you were on yet, but you did know that when your best friend Paisley had challenged you to a keg standoff and you weren’t a quitter, so you couldn’t count just how many beers you had chugged. 

You tried to count on your fingers as you hovered above the nasty toilet seat to pee just exactly how many red solo cups of mostly liquor with a bit of mixer you had consumed. You were distracted by that nasty toilet seat, wondering how the boys that live here don’t gag whenever they come to pee. You were happy that Carmy wasn’t in a frat. You were really happy that Carmy wasn’t in a frat, the guys here were assholes. Most of them, anyway. 

You grabbed your blue cup, that insinuated you were taken or dating someone steady, out with you back into the hot sticky living room, to hear someone (probably paisley, it had to have been paisley or one of your other sorority sisters) had requested they play Girls by The 1975, you tried finding her but got distracted by hands on your waist and “I love your shirt” in your ear. It was a voice you didn’t recognize, you could tell the man towered over you by the way he had to hunch over to talk to you. 

Carmy was bigger then you, but not that much bigger, this guy would probably have a head on Carmy. He had grown just like Mike said he would, and it looked amazing on him. Funnily enough though, even though you had been dating since the week you graduated high school - and you were now juniors in college, he still hadn’t slept with you yet. You often after you left his house to head back to your sorority house since they had a curfew, would cry to your sorority about how he still only wants to do oral. 

He didn’t often want blowjobs unless it was a special occasion, he would tell you your hand is fine and you don’t have to do ‘all that’ even though you wanted to- you figured since he was saying that he didn’t want you to. You weren’t aware - but Carmy was kicking himself in the ass every single day that he hasn’t fucked you the way you deserve yet. He was honestly getting worried he was going to lose you to some guy who would. You had asked him, he had told you that he wasn’t ready to go that far with you yet, that he wanted to wait and make it special. 

But in all reality he was terrified out of his mind. He knew he could make you cum with his mouth, but his dick?! He had to dig his nails into his palms until they near drew blood whenever you put your fucking mouth on him, so if you let him fuck your cunt?! He was worried he was going to cum in 3 strokes and you would laugh and break up with him and tell him you were better off best friends and there goes his only friend and the love of his life and the person he wants to marry. But he found himself asking as he fantasized about marrying you how he was supposed to do that if he can’t even find the balls to fuck you right. 

His anxiety was what led him to calling you 3 times tonight, because you were late - and you were never late - because the two of you wanted to spend as much time as possible together since his schedule was so packed between working at the beef and going to classes part time. He was nowhere near graduating, that was because he was stacking his money away in a savings account that gained interest like Uncle Jimmy taught him, so that his graduation present to you could be the Chicago brownstone you both had talked about having together since high school. 

He found it so incredibly sexy and endearing that you put school first in your life, he wanted to reward you for it. He felt you deserved the world and more, since you were his world. Which is why, after the third nervous stuttering voicemail which is how you could tell he was really nervous, had gone unanswered? He opened the find my friends app and grabbed his brothers keys. 

“Mike I’m going…out!” He called and shut the front door before he could get questions about why the hell he of all people would be leaving the house past 10:00 on a Friday night. He anxiously mapped the location on his phone and hopped in the car. When he got there, though- he couldn’t even park near the house. He had to park a block over and walk because it was so packed with cars. He made sure to lock the car in case any drunkards were to try and sleep in it or think it was there’s, and put on the walking directions. 

Carmen had to deal with drunk behavior well - every night, so being with a bunch of drunk people wasn’t his favorite place to be - but for you he persevered, because what the hell were you doing here. 

You, currently, were inside, grinding on the same guy that had come up to you to Mirrors by Justin Timberlake. You had finished another drink, and forgotten completely it wasn’t your boyfriend behind you - and didn’t even have the mind to ask yourself what he would be doing there. Said boyfriend was currently pushing his way through the kitchen, and rolling his eyes and the ‘single, taken, DTF’ different colored cups on the counter as he tried to find you. 

He knew you were that out of your mind, when he pushed his way through the house, shouting “Squish? SQUISH!” Over the music as well as he could and he found you being basically fucking molested by some meathead that had a good 6 inches and 75 pounds on him. The sight made him so enraged, it made him see red so quickly, it made him black out in anger. He came to again a few moments later after he uppercut the guy so hard he fell back on his ass, and then punched him in the face so hard that his nose started bleeding. 

“Bear?” You said confused 

“See the fucking cup, asshole?” He seethed, everyone was watching now as he dumped the remainder of your icy drink on him and crushed it before throwing it at his shocked face “the blue cup means she’s taken” 

He grabbed your arm gently “squish y’wasted. We're going home” he said firmly but not mean, and you stumbled next to him as people move out of the way since the entire room was privy to what just happened. You weren’t sure what happened all you knew was the man was behind you and then he wasn’t and then carmy was punching him and now you were in the car and Carmy was lecturing you about how worried he was. 

“He could have hurt you, angel. Please- I know it’s college and you can do what you want but I love you and those guys are all assholes, they’ll take advantage of nice girls the second they get a chance. And you’re so sweet squish, you’re too sweet. They don’t deserve to have you over” he squeezed your hand and brought it to his lips for what he knew was probably the hundredth time in the 35 minute car ride back to his house. 

You didn’t say much of anything that could make sense, but he agreed with you anyway. “And theee um. The the- what was I saying?” You look over at him at a red light with a drunk smile, your eyes glazed over from all the alcohol and cheeks hot with the rush of it in your system. 

“I dunno baby but you look cute” he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and kissed your forehead gently 

“Your knuckles are bleeding, did you hurt them?” You asked, the events from less than an hour prior already having been wiped from your mind. He chuckled a bit, shaking his head 

“M’fine squish, you need some water” he helped you out of the car, supporting most of your weight as you stumbled up the stairs of the Berzatto house, and he unlocked the door. 

“Ooooo you know what I want?” You asked and he smiled as he locked the door behind him and lead you to the kitchen 

“What’s that honey?” He helps you sit down at the table and grabs a glass, filling it with ice water 

“I want a bear special beef sandwich. Pretty please?” He came over and handed you the glass 

“Drink that and we’ll talk about it” he said and you obediently chugged down the glass as he went back to the fridge and got out the beef they didn’t use today at the restaurant and a pan to heat it in 

“This is good” you said, finishing it off and crunching on a piece of ice to which he cringed 

“Ugh y’teeth babe don’t do that!” He scolded as he always did when you munched on ice, taking it from you and filling it again, adding a straw before giving it back so you were less tempted to repeat your actions

He was cutting up a bell pepper for your sandwich when you asked “why won’t you have sex with me?” Which almost made him slice his finger but thankfully he missed it by a centimeter. 

“Who said I won’t” he looked back at you, his cheeks a pretty shade of pink as he flushed with embarrassment. 

“I dunno. You say you’re waiting but I want to and paisley says maybe you’re shy and if m’drunk maybe you’ll wanna do it more but the problem-“ you’re interrupted with a drunk hiccup “with that is, paisley said you have to be drunk too, and you aren’t.” You slurred, struggling to find your straw again to chug down the other half of your second glass of water. 

He stared at you, unsure of what to say and Mikey comes pounding down the stairs per usual and into the kitchen. A bull in a fucking China shop, just like Richie. “Yooo it’s squishy! Sup girl” he came over, giving you a brotherly push to the back of the head and doing the same to Carmy as he walks by to the fridge 

“Hey! You could have killed me I’m drinking!” You slurred, “but I’m asking Carmy why he won’t h-“

“Heyyyy!!! Hey hey squish no we’re not sharing those things” Carmy cuts you off quickly and looks over, shaking his head 

“She’s fuckin gone” Mike said to himself as he grabbed a can of soda 

“Yeah why do you think I’m fuckin having her eat and drink water?” Carmy quips, putting the beef into the bun he’d toasted and adding extra cheese for you on top how he liked it. 

“Mm. Make sure you have a few vomit bags ready I think the last time she was this wasted was her birthday” he headed back up to his room and Carmy sighed to himself, knowing he was right. 

“Who’s vomiting?” You asked, sipping the last few dribbles of water and he set your sandwich in front of you, taking the cup to fill again and you gasp, having forgotten you even wanted the sandwich “I was just gonna ask you to make me one too!” You said excitedly and took a big bite. 

He came back to the table, setting the filled glass down and sitting in the chair next to you, gently rubbing your back “chew it baby Jesus it’s not goin anywhere” he teased and pushed your hair back over your shoulders. 

“I know- it’s just so good” you mumble with your mouth full and he chuckled, shaking his head and wiping some grease that had dribbled down your chin off with the pad of his thumb, wiping it on a napkin. He didn’t know what came over him, maybe it was the fact that you wouldn’t remember - maybe selfishly it was because he knew you’d be brutally honest, but he asked 

“If we did have sex, and I didn’t last very long- would you be upset that you had to finish with my mouth or fingers instead?” His voice was laced with nervous curiosity, but he had to know this to be able to properly navigate having sex since you had been bringing it up more and more often as of late. 

“What?! Upset? I think I’ll cry with joy that I actually can have your dick in me it doesn’t matter how long” you said casually. He wasn’t sure what it was about it, maybe it was the tone of your voice - like it’s an every day thought for you, like you were aching to have him inside of you. Yeah, that was it. The coolness mixed with desperation, it made his cock stiffen a little more than he figured it should have. 

“Mm.” Was all he said, covering himself with his hand, it wasn’t like you would notice, anyway, but he was still ever so shy about you making him aroused - like he was doing something wrong. Even though you were his girlfriend of 3 years and you said I love you multiple times a day to each other. 

While he was helping you shower, and then helping you dress for bed, that was when it hit him. This weekend, his mom would be out of town for some work thing he didn’t care to know the details of, and Mike goes to the casino every Friday and stays out practically until 5 am. He would have the house to himself, and it would be the perfect time to finally have sex. 

He was mapping out in his mind the most romantic way to do it, flowers, candles, music? He told himself he had to do it right and make it a night to remember for the both of you. He had to cook for you - he figured he would make your favorite penne à la vodka, and he wouldn’t tell you about doing it just in case he bitches out. But the amount of thought he was putting into this, if he bitched out he was gonna be extraordinarily angry with himself. 

Your voice pulled him out of his head as if always did “bear” you said sleepily 

“Sup bug” he kissed your head tenderly and rubbed your arm as you nuzzled into his side. 

“Can you turn the tv down m’tired” you mumble into his shirt and he took the remote, turning it off. 

“Love you baby, g’night” he resumed rubbing over your hip as he got lost in his thoughts once again. 

 When the day came, he wasn’t sure how he didn’t bitch out. He thought about it 5 times that day and convinced himself not to, but now, now that you were sat at the table with him, a candle between you, giggling about how ‘romantic’ he had been acting tonight - he felt like a total fucking idiot. 

“I’m sorry, fuck- do you not like it? I read one of sugars magazines she left behind before she moved - they said girls like candles and music” he pushed it to the side and you shook your head, moving it back 

“I love it, bear. I’m just wondering why you’re treating me so special tonight is all, I’d have been a lot more dressed up and pretty if you’d have-“ he cuts you off

“You’re fuckin- y’perfect, squish. I love you, that’s why I’m doin it. I just wanna show you how much” he held your hand and squeezed it gently “you mean everything t’me. Really” he said and kissed your knuckles gently. 

When you made it to his bedroom, you realized he’d hung romantic little white string lights along his headboard to provide more ambient lighting, and that’s when it clicked what was happening. Your heart raced in your chest like a hummingbird trapped in a cage as his hands roam your body. 

You were sprawled out beneath him, both of you down to your underwear, the feeling of his lips nipping, and licking, and biting yours was enough to make you wet, but when his broad hands started palming your tits, his thumbs and forefingers massaging your nipples, you had to squeeze your thighs together to provide your throbbing clit some pressure. You were mewling and whining beneath him, he was panting and grunting into your mouth, your noses bumping with each unexpected kiss. 

“Carmy” you whine into his mouth, reaching to pull one of your hands off of your breast and he pulled away just enough to speak, lapis eyes boring into yours that were no doubt lust blown. 

“Y’good?” He asked gently, kissing the corner of your mouth chastely and eased his grip on your breasts. You moved the hand you were holding down, down, down, tucking his fingers into the waistband of your panties 

“I want you to touch me here…please” you said softly and hook your arm around the back of his neck, tangling your fingers in his sandy blond curls as you pull him back for a kiss his breath hitched slightly at the action, his cock twitching at your words which you felt against your thigh, causing you to smile a bit. He cupped your heat with his hand for a moment, causing you to grind onto it needily and he sucked on your bottom lip as he spread your lips to slip his middle finger over your sticky soaked hole, teasing it gently before trailing it up to find the throbbing erect bud. 

You gasped lightly at the contact, back arching a bit and moaning shamelessly, your voice coming out high pitched and whiny “oh yes” you said as he rubbed the pad of his finger back and forth and in circles, alternating between the two in such a way that was making your stomach tighten and thighs shiver. 

“Yeah?” He kissed your jaw “feels good mm? Sound so pretty, princess” he said hotly in your ear, gently nipping at your neck in the way that drove you wild. 

“So good you make me feel so good” you mewl as he moved his finger down again, thrusting it in and out as he does that beckoning motion with the finger and he gently rubbed your clit with his other hand. You sob in pleasure, fisting the sheets with one hand and tugging Carmys hair with the other. 

“Good girl tha’s a good girl” his husky voice and hot breath made you shiver even though with how close your orgasm was- you felt oh so hot. You felt him lick your sternum where he had watched a bead of sweat trailing down and that caused your eyes to open once more, to see his staring back like a round eyed cat. 

“M’gonna cum” you choke out, pulling the sheets harder to avoid hurting him by pulling his hair too hard. This brought a grin to his face, finding your nipple with his lips and sucking on the sensitive bud, just as he adds another finger, speeding up his beckoning motion. Your eyes nearly roll back when you felt his lips on your ear, encouraging you

“Yeah? Yeah pretty girl? Are you gonna cum f’me? Feels sooo good huh. Go ahead princess let me feel you cum on my hand I love it when y’pussy sucks in my fingers it’s so fuckin hot. Y’re so fuckin hot” your jaw fell slack in a silent scream, brows knitted together as he praised you while your orgasm came over you full force. You swore you saw stars behind your lids. 

“Please please please pleaaase bear” you found yourself begging, pulling him up for a kiss and he chuckled into your lips, pulling away enough to ask, 

“Please what, what baby what d’you want?” He cooed sweetly before ravishing your face with kisses which made your thumping, racing heart turn to goo 

“Please fuck me. Please- oh god please I fucking need you inside your fingers aren’t enough I need to feel you.” You begged, your voice was raspy, needy, he never heard anything hotter in his life. 

“Yeah?” He asked sweetly, resting his forehead on yours, nuzzling your nose in a eskimo kiss gently. “Open your eyes” he said softly and dried his hand on the sheets, pushing your sticky, sweat slick hair from your face and cupping your cheeks. Your eyes flickered open to meet his honest blue ones, blown with lust, glazed over with love. “Tell me again, I want to see you when you say it baby, so I know you want this.” He rubbed your jaw tenderly with his thumbs. 

“I want you to show me how much you love me, Bear, please” you said softly and he smiled in the way that showed off his little dimples, to which you kissed it gently before he told you 

“I don’t think there’s a way to show you just how much I love you, because it can’t even be described in words - but I’ll try anything f’you, squish” he kissed your forehead lovingly, lingering for a moment. Your eyes fluttered shut as you soaked in the moment, gently rubbing his back. 

“I love you too, more than words” you said honestly when he pulled away, grabbing a condom from his nightstand drawer and ripping it open with his teeth, an action that had you clenching around nothing, but hopefully that would be resolved in just a moment. 

“Now, if you want to stop just say the word, if you can’t find your words just like…bite me I guess” he teased and you giggled, shaking your head 

“Will do” you watch as he slipped off his boxers, rolling the rubber all the way to the base, he tugged off your panties that had been soaked through, tossing them in his laundry basket since you’d need new ones after which lived in his top drawer, and got between your legs. You watch as he strokes himself a few times with his hand and you felt your throat go a bit dry. What if you were the one to ruin it all because it wouldn’t fit or something? 

“You ok?” He asked gently as he caught you staring and you met his eyes again, putting on a smile and nodding, spreading your legs wider in hopes that might make more room. 

“Amazing. Excited” you said, it wasn’t exactly a lie, but you left off your biggest and most present emotion nervous. 

“Okay…that look says I’m worried so what’s up?” He held your hand, gently rubbing the back of it with his thumb and looking into your eyes. It was impossible to lie when he looked at you like that, even more impossible when you were both butt naked and his dick was in his hand. 

“What if it doesn’t fit?” You asked nervously. He chuckled as if he didn’t believe you, shaking his head

“I’m not that hung, babe. It’ll be fine. Do you care if I touch you?” He asked and you shook your head, swallowing thickly. He knelt on the bed with his left knee, leaning over you and nestling the tip of his cock between your folds and rubbing your wetness up and over your clit, causing a small gasp to leave your lips. He watched you carefully, for any signs of discomfort or that you were having second thoughts. 

Your lips were parted and little puffs of air fan his chin, eyes hooded in pleasure and little squeaks coming out of your throat each time his tip bumped your clit firmly and the ridge of it rubbed back down to swipe over your hole and back up to repeat the assault. You could cum just like this if he did it long enough. “Feels good?” He checked, intertwining your fingers and squeezing your hand lovingly. 

“Uh-huh” was all you could manage to get out and he smiled a bit, kissing your chin gently 

“Want me to try being inside Angel?” 

In response, a needier, whinier “uh-huh” 

He looks down for a moment, grabbing his cock and lining the tip up with your entrance. “Remember what to do?” He triple checked, this time- just a quick nod. He ever so gently eased his way in, his jaw tightening at the way it made his balls feel 10 pounds heavy, his cock twitching at the foreign sensation. He grunted to cover a whine instead, and you squeezed his hand tight, looking down and watching as he slowly pushed his shaft in about a fourth of the way and stopped, looking up at you. Once more. 

“How do you feel baby?” He gently rubbed your clit with his other hand, causing you to clench around him and in turn a unconscious moan tears from his throat “jeeesus fuck” he grunts, hips sinking in further in instinct and you squeak, shifting uncomfortably which made him look down and quickly pull back out to just the tip “sorry- fuck I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened are you ok?” He kissed your wrist. 

“Burning. Kinda. Not a bad, it feels…kinda good? It like…it feels like a good stretch when it almost hurts. And like…full. So full, but like a good full. A fulfilled kinda full, is that weird?” You rambled on all the thoughts swimming in your brain other than ‘cock feels good’  which was the main one. 

“Yeah? Feels good f’me too baby” he leaned in, kissing your lips and sinking in further, half way now. He kept kissing you, gently sucking on your tongue as you got used to the uncomfort of the stretch. “Can I try moving Angel?” He asked , almost into your mouth, you just respond with a huffy hum of agreement before pulling your lips back up to his. He very slowly at first started to thrust and had to let go of your hand to fist the pillow so he didn’t bust right then. 

“Holy fuck” he pants, nuzzling his face in your neck and continuing to rub your clit as he thrusted in and out. The feeling left you breathless, wordless, thoughtless. You were on cloud nine, you could die like this. You felt that sensation of an orgasm coming in your belly again, this was the quickest he’d ever brought you to another. 

“Bear-bear- I’m-“ you whine out, back arching and jaw dropping as his tip brushes your g spot and you nearly cry, tears gathering in the corners of your eyes at the intense pleasure it brought. “Cumming, cumming im cumming” you babbled, as your orgasm took over, clenching and unclenching around his cock in such a way that he literally couldn’t stop himself from spilling into the condom if he tried. 

The whiny grunt he made when he came was the hottest noise you had heard to date and was nothing short of beautiful. He bit down on your neck, sucking a pretty purple bruise into the skin before burying himself to the hilt as he shoots rope after rope of seed into the condom. Your thighs tightened around his waist, nails digging into his shoulders so hard they’d leave moon shaped bruises come morning that he’d proudly walk around the house with at breakfast so Mike could finally believe that he’s not just lying about doing sexual shit with you. 

You wrap your legs around his hips, keeping him there and relishing in the feeling. You felt like he was made for you, you fit together like 2 puzzle pieces. You knew he was your forever, but this solidified it even more. After he fucked you through both of your highs, he pulled out and laid next to you in a heap, panting for a few moments before he finally spoke

“Biggest mistake of my life was waiting so long to do that”

@carmenberzattosgf @daysofyellowroses @aestheticaltcow @l4long-winded @thehouseofevangelista @w31rdash @caramelberzatto @wtfsteveharrington

[querenciasturniolo]

strange ⮕ c.s.

word count: 1.4k

warnings: lots of inner monologue, awkwardness, swearing, corniness, she/her pronouns

summary: request

a/n: this was requested again by the lovely @rainsoakedphoenix!!! this was super fun, and i had the idea to write it from chris’ point of view (still second person pov), so hopefully it works 🤞🏻

(this fic has jokes written in it about “chris having a crush on matt” bc of how prominent the jokes are in the fandom, but it doesn’t solely revolve around those jokes)

everything written is completely fictional. the people i write for are written with characteristics and mannerisms that i made for them, this is in no way depicting what would actually happen in real life.

The comments had been going on for ages, and Chris genuinely didn’t know how everyone found out.

the way chris looks at y/n in todays vlog ?

i never would have guessed the girl chris has been talking about is y/n, but honestly the last few vlogs have really swayed me

okay no, but how has this never occurred to me ? i would have thought she’d end up with matt

Sure, he’d always had a hard time hiding his emotions on his face, but surely the fans didn’t really know he had feelings for you. He’d tried to ignore all of the comments about it, until the edits started rolling in. Every other edit on his for you page was the way he looked at you when you weren’t looking, or the way he’d look away when you turned to face him with pink cheeks.

It was his fault, for letting it slip on a live that he had feelings for someone, and of course the fans started sleuthing. It wasn’t like he’d declared his love for you on the top of a building with a megaphone, but the swiftness in which the questioning comments turned into matter-of-fact statements on any vlog you were in or any photo dump you were included in had Chris realizing he really should learn to control his face.

“Have you seen this one?” Matt asked. Chris looked up from his phone and watched Matt’s screen. It was an edit, a few of the clips from Wednesday’s vlog showing how disgustingly enamored he looked with you. Chris groaned and flopped back on Matt’s bed. “Did you read the caption?” Matt asked, his voice sounding as if he was holding back a laugh.

Chris shook his head and mumbled a reply into the pillow, not even understanding himself as Matt read it out loud. “Chris really went from having a crush on Matt to having a crush on the girl equivalent.” Chris pulled the pillow off of his face and glared, Matt’s laughter spilling out of him as he pulled his phone back towards him.

“Don’t laugh at a joke about me having a crush on you, it’s fucking weird.” Chris grumbled. “And she isn’t even that much like you.”

Matt huffed and shrugged his shoulders. “Tell that to the countless comparison edits of the two of us on my for you page.” He retorted, Chris rolling his eyes and sitting up to throw the pillow in his direction. He stood, Matt glancing up from his phone with a frown. “Where are you going?”

He turned. “The living room, your presence is getting on my nerves.” He said, Matt scoffing and turning his attention back to his phone.

Of course he’d seen the comparison edits, how could he not? You were soft spoken, only occasionally getting loud enough when whatever you were talking about was important to you. You were incredibly observant, and never the first person to point something out. All of the fans had said you and Matt were one in the same, which made sense as to how comfortable Chris was around you almost immediately. But it was still odd that the fans said that, because to Chris, you were just…you, and he couldn’t help but catch feelings for you.

In all reality, it hit him like a truck, and it scared the shit out of him. One day, the four of you were hanging out, and then out of nowhere, he had a headache with how fast the realization hit him. Things were different after that, at least for him. It felt as though everything that came out of his mouth directed at you was awkward, and that you could see right through the facade he held up to keep his feelings from you unknown.

You’d continued to be yourself throughout everything, though it worried him that any time the jokes about Chris’ crush on you were brought up, you’d immediately blush and change the topic. He didn’t want to immediately think that you had feelings for him as well, but he also didn’t want to think you didn’t. He didn’t know what he wanted, truthfully. He wanted everything out in the open, but at the same time he didn’t.

Chris groaned and flopped forward on the couch, his groan being muffled by the couch cushions. He stayed like that for a while, ignoring the buzzing on his phone until he heard Nick walking down the stairs.

“Dude, Y/n’s been at the door for like five minutes, why the fuck didn’t you let her in?” He asked, not giving Chris a chance to answer before he descended the second staircase and opened the door. “Sorry about him, he’s in a mood or something.”

Chris heard your quiet reply and the sound of you and Nick climbing the stairs again. He still hadn’t moved from his position on the couch, even when he felt the cushion dip next to him.

“Everything alright?”

His heart rate spiked at the sound of your voice and he shrugged, though it didn’t work well. You laughed softly, and it felt like every nerve was on high alert. He finally pushed himself up and sat next to you, running a hand through his hair before meeting your eyes. You always had a look on your face, like you knew something was bothering him even though he hadn’t said anything.

“How do you do that?” He asked. You frowned.

“Do what?” You asked.

Chris sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “You always know when something is bugging me.” He said. You chuckled and shook your head, your eyebrows raising.

“Chris, I walked in and you were laying face down on the couch. It’s pretty obvious that something is bothering you.” You said, your voice light and teasing.

He blinked and sighed, putting his head in his hands. “Jesus, that was dumb, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s funny. One thing I can tell is that you want to talk to me about it, unless that’s just me being hopeful.” You said, Chris looking over at you. It was true, you were the only person he wanted to talk to about this. He nodded, and he couldn’t help but relax when you adjusted to face him completely, and just watched him patiently.

It took him longer than he was expecting. He usually could say anything without a problem, whether he messed up his words or not, but this was you. He’d never had a problem talking to you about how he was feeling before, but it was near impossible when it directly applied to you.

You hadn’t pushed him, which he was grateful for. You sat right in front of him and waited patiently, nodding your head in encouragement each time he was about to speak, but not reacting when he didn’t. He groaned and threw his head back.

“Jesus, why is this so hard?” Chris mumbled. You shook your head and rested your hand over his, lightly squeezing it.

“Chris, it’s okay. Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.” You said, Chris sighing and nodding his head.

He was silent for a few minutes, but eventually met your eyes and took a deep breath.

“Do you wanna, like, go out? On a date?” He asked. You blinked, your face heating up and your heart racing as you processed what he said.

“Like, for real? This isn’t just because of all of the comments?” You asked, Chris smiling shyly and shaking his head.

“Well, the fans were right. I mean, about me liking you.” He said, wringing his hands together in his lap to take attention away from them shaking.

You couldn’t help but smile at him for a moment, looking away when his eyes met yours.

“I didn’t know it was true.” You said, your voice almost a whisper.

Chris glanced over at you, his chest pounding when he realized you hadn’t answered him, and that you couldn’t look at him.

“We don’t have to, if you don’t feel the same. It’s fine, really.” He said, pushing himself off of the couch. He paused when your hand gripped his wrist, looking down to see you grinning up at him. You shook your head and stood, trying your best to keep your eyes on his. It was insane, how someone’s eyes could be so intimidating but so kind and full of love all at once.

“I’d love to, really.” You said, blush traveling from his neck to his face. He cleared his throat and nodded, trying his best to fight off the dorky smile on his face.

“Okay.” He said, his voice quiet.

You chuckled. “Okay.” You repeated awkwardly, Chris’ smile coming in full force. You stood on your tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, his eyes widening slightly when you dropped down to your heels. You smiled at him, entwining your fingers with his.

Your hand fit so well in his, like a puzzle piece. He watched as you looked down at your hands. He ran his thumb over the side of your hand, smiling at the way you looked up at him shyly. He frowned when your eyes lit up and you smiled at him, confusion clouding his face as you lightly bumped his shoulder with yours.

“So that’s why you’ve been acting so strange.”

[jeanboyjean]

and i - ft. jean kirstein

summary: jean (successfully) tries to make you feel better after a recent breakup

content: friends to lovers, fluff, good vibes, jean brainrot to the max, modern au, college au

a/n: for @honeybleed 90s/00s rnb event!! <3 jean fluff hehehe bc i can't get him out of my brain and he is THE comfort character. inspired by and i - ciara. i love this song big time ♡ laughed so hard watching the music video when she brought out the horse lmaooo 🤔 for my fellow jean girlies!!!

1.2k words

"ugh, i hate him," you grumble, sinking into the couch with a heavy sigh.

jean glances at you, concern etched on his face. "what now?" he asks, taking a seat beside you.

crossing your arms, you slump into the cushions. "he just posted a picture of him with that girl. what a fucking asshole."

jean clicks his tongue, shaking his head in disapproval. "why are you still on his profile? you need to forget about him."

with a frustrated sigh, you shut off your phone. it’s been a few weeks since you ended things with your ex, a decision long overdue. the relationship had lost what little spark had been there in the first place, dragging on for as long as the two of you would let it. the final straw had been when you had found the sexts he had sent to a girl in one of his classes. it stings and it sucks but more than anything, your pride is wounded. the sadistic part of you can’t resist the urge to keep tabs on him and wallow in resentment.

"i have forgotten about him," you say defiantly. "he's just unfortunately like the gum stuck on the bottom of my shoe."

jean lets out a low chuckle. his hands fall to his thighs as he pushes up off the couch. "okay, you know what. let's go for a drive."

curiosity flickers in your eyes as you look up at him, wondering where this is going. 

"come on, let's go," he urges, reaching forward to grab your hand. you let him pull you to your feet.

"alright, fine. but you're shouting me coffee," you tell him with a roll of your eyes, a small smile winning over.

"always," he winks in return with a mischievous lift to his lips.

the music blares as you drive, jean tapping his fingers along to the beat. you hum along, watching the scenery pass by with your window down, letting the cool air blow away your tension. the recent events start to fade away and your mind wanders back to your first break up a couple years ago during your first year of university. jean had been there then too, holding you as you had cried and simmered, until you were ready to put yourself back together. 

he had refused to let you mope around, forcing you to go out with him to movies and parties and bars. he had been the one to listen to your problems as you poured your heart out, making his shoulders your personal dumping ground. jean had been there for you through it all.

you deserve someone who loves all of you. the words he had said to you back then, ring clear in your mind. 

there has always been an underlying tension between you two, a quiet undercurrent that flows beneath the surface of your friendship. from the moment you first saw him, standing across the room at a party in first year, his presence has captured your attention drawing you to him like a magnet. you had become fast friends, sharing everything together from your classes, to your interests, to your deepest darkest secrets.

part of you wonders if he’s ever felt the same way. sometimes you wonder what it would be like if you had found the courage to tell him your feelings, but now you’re in too deep, the confines of your friendship too strong. all this time, you’re pining after him while trying to fill the void with other people, only to be crushed over and over. dreams of making a move dance in your mind, but the fear of jeopardising your friendship holds you back. you’re happy this way, if only because it means you can have him in your life. you’ve sealed these thoughts away in your heart and thrown away the key. 

jean's hand lifts from the steering wheel to turn down the music. "what are you thinking about?" he asks.

you cross your arms to hug yourself. "why is it so hard to find someone? am I just destined to be forever alone?"

he flicks your knee teasingly. "maybe you're looking in the wrong places." he turns his head briefly to meet your eyes. “plus, how can you be forever alone when you have me."

you roll your eyes and poke his shoulder before turning away. “yeah, and where should I be looking then?”

he pulls into the car park in front of your favourite coffee shop, shutting off the car and turning to you. he stills for a moment and takes a deep breath, letting it sit for a moment before releasing. a hand pulls through his hair, coming to rest on the back of his neck. "why not me?" he asks, turning to face you.

your eyes narrow at his words. "don't play around, jean."

"nah, I'm serious," he says. there's a hint of uncertainty in his voice but his gaze is unwavering. "you know I would do anything for you." 

you freeze, chest tightening, feeling the air being sucked out of the car. you hear his words but they don't register, refusing to sink in. the sincerity in his words hang in the air, and for a moment, time seems to stand still. in the quiet, jean's confession lingers like a promise. you want to believe him, to let go of the fear that consumes you but you can't help but hold back.

you shake your head, uncertain of the implications. you’ve both said things like this to each other before, never ones to hold back on sentiment, but something about them today carry a weight you can’t ignore.

"but aren't we friends? i don't want to ruin what we have."

he reaches for your hand across the centre console, his fingers intertwining with yours. his thumb brushes against your skin, sending tingles up your arm. “i would never let anything ruin what we have,”  he says, his eyes never leaving yours, gaze tender but firm. “i've wanted to say this for a long time."

with his free hand, he cups your cheek and leans in, brushing your hair aside. "i could have everything in the world, but I would sacrifice it all for you. stop wasting your time with these losers.” 

your heart pounds, breath catching in your throat. slowly, you allow yourself to acknowledge the feelings that have lingered beneath the surface. "jean..." you whisper, the sound barely escaping your lips.

"please. let me show you."

his lips meet yours, and for a moment, you forget about everything else. the world disappears, leaving only the two of you. it feels like a dream as he pulls you in, your chest flush against his. your fingers comb through his hair, your heart thumping in your chest.

everything about him overwhelms you. his scent, the way his hair feels between your fingers. and the softness of his lips, gentle and warm against your own. 

his hands slide from where they’re tangled in your own hair down to hold your arms, squeezing lightly. he pulls back, his eyes searching yours. the moment hangs in the air, the intensity heavy between you.

"are you okay with this?" he asks, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear.

you nod. a smile stretches across your cheeks as you look up at jean, whose expression mirrors yours. 

it’s more than okay. it’s everything.

you let yourself fall into the moment, unlocking the key to your heart, letting yourself want him. hope flickers in you, anticipation for what this could mean. you finally reach for the love that has always wanted to reveal itself. and this time, it feels real. 

[misojunnie]

i find the vampire and werewolf rivalry dynamic really funny for whatever reason, so may i request some &team hcs with a friend/partner who’s a vampire while they’re… yknow, werewolves?

oh the shenanigans they would get up to

☆ &team as your werewolf bf! w/ a vampire partner ;)

ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ʚϊɞ.

byun eui joo - ej

wasn't really objected to you being a vampire tbh. if anything, he was kinda interested

the quiet, kind-hearted typa guy to be like "it doesn't matter if we're different species, love is love, right?"

crazy clingy, and loves your fangs. he has fangs himself, but they're nowhere near as sharp and long as yours are. he loves admiring them when you smile and when he kisses you

loves that you're a vampire. it took zero time to get used to it

by now he knows all your needs by heart <3

murata fuma - fuma

shocked to discover you were a vampire, but not necessarily unhappy about it

when other werewolves are around you, his protective instincts kick in immediately and he's ready to die to protect you

you tried to hide your relationship for a while, but he gave up quick

he couldn't help it, he always wanted to show you off <3

rolls his eyes when you hiss at his werewolf friends (who aren't exactly fond of you)

koga yudai- k

considering how passionately khan hates vampires, I think k would probably share that trait tbh

was heartbroken when he realized you were one of his mortal enemies. it took him months to recover

but once he got adjusted to it, he could give a fuck what other people think

he proudly shows you off, even around the other werewolves. he doesn't care what they say, and if they threaten you? he won't hesitate to rough them up

drags a dead deer home every week or so, so you can feed <3

wang yixiang- nicholas

was shocked when he found out the cutie in his chem class was actually a vampire, AKA his worst enemy

he was disgusted. he's a prideful guy, so it took him a long time to accept that he was in love with a literal vampire (he couldn't stay away and ended up apologizing with a cute date <3)

secretly loves it when you bite him (teehee)

when you fight, expect fangs out and full blown screaming matches fueled by millennia of ancestral beef. lmao

"you think i'm high maintenance? try dating someone who literally lives off sucking life force!"

nakakita yuma - yuma

scandalized by the fact that you're a vampire. you told him after you started dating, and he had to break up with you for 2 weeks as a grieving period

the adjustment period was long, but now he knows just about everything there is to know about vampires

always ready to debate vampire/werewolf history with you

"uh, no. the battle of 1824 was obviously the vampires' fault. you broke the peace treaty, not us."

always puts on dracula because he thinks it's your favorite movie. it totally isn't, but he means well, so you don't tell him otherwise

asakura jo - jo

figured out you were a vampire like three weeks before you broke the news. he decided to stay with you anyway bc he doesn't really care what the other werewolves think

brings you coffee when you crave blood bc he thinks it'll help

you're the extroverted drama queen and he's the stoic, introvert bf

is very in tune to your needs, and won't hesitate to kill a literal human being to satisfy you (you tell him not to, though)

"I know you're a vampire, but you need to get your blood lust in control. I'm your boyfriend, not a piece of meat."

shigeta harua - harua

when you told him you were a vampire, he listened to his pack and dumped you, but followed his heart since and won you back <3

like ej, very in tune to your needs and wants

comes back from "hanging with the boys" carrying a huge dead deer/cow/etc, covered in blood with a huge smile on his face

"I brought dinner! do you like it?" "it's definitely bloody..."

all in all, he just wants to make sure you're feeling comfortable and happy <3

ta-ki

didn't really care that you were a vampire. k initially gave him flack, but he ignored it until his friends gave up

sunshine x sunshine protecter irl. he's just happy to be there, and you're ready to kill for him, need be

but watch out; insulting you is a one way ticket to seeing his dark side (even if you're his friend/one of his kind)

loves double dates, and even introduced some of his werewolf friends to your vampire friends. you two singlehandedly repair the relationship of the species in your city <3

hirota riki - maki

did not gaf that you're a vampire. loves you too damn much to care what species you are

loves bear hugs, but constantly underestimates his inhuman strength. will try to hug you and accidentally tackle you

gets crazy sassy with you when you argue, eg; "don't bare your fangs at me while i'm speaking."

loves running away with you at night to hunt, wander the streets, and generally fuck around. midnight walks are his favorite, and luckily he never has to worry about being cautious during the night, considering you're both the strongest beings on the planet

locks himself in his room during full moons bc he gets embarrassed about transforming in front of you lol

ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ʚϊɞ.

a/n: omg this was so cute... I usually struggle with the werewolf stuff bc it annoys me so bad but this was actually rlly fun... maybe i'm warming up to the werewolf concept 🤔😇

[filthyguts]

it’s 1 am and I’m having a brain blast so here’s the moriohpsycho (aka insano crossover ship bateman x yoshikage kira) au plot line…

So in dis post kira is a new hire @ pierce&pierce cuz he had to flee morioh on acct of almost being found out and Patrick literally almost had an panic attack simply from looking at him at a meeting (Kira’s awful lilac suit gives him hives.)

Basic au plot:

IDK if kira is gonna have killer queen in this au I shall see where the wind takes me…. Anyways so later on they have a meetcute at a dumpster in an alley- both dumping a body 😭😭they get into a scuffle here(aka about to try and kill eachother)☠️ but then kira is like wait aren’t u Patrick Bateman and Patrick is like FUCK bc he cant remember Kira’s name😭 they hear police sirens close by(unrelated to them lol) and flee.

at this point patrick is spiraling and is wondering if kira is even real since his coworkers hardly talk about him- and going to work the next day they see eachother and kira doesnt say anything about the night before😭😭 anyways- so during all this kira is quietly freaking out about being found out and having to run away AGAIN and finds Patricks addy - breaks into his apartment - is hiding under his bed about to try and get Bateman reimi sugimoto style, Bateman wakes up to take a piss- kira slices his leg- bateman freaks out (heavily due to the fact about wounding his perfect skin), sees kira, remembers his name this time, and then they start to struggle fight AGAIN.

During the fight Patrick throws Kira into the fridge, causing it to open and all the ziploc baggies of body parts Patrick has in there spill out onto the floor and onto Kira (also some hands too) and Kira takes a moment to be like . Ok wait so you really are doing this shit too huh ☠️ and then they have a weird…very thick air tense moment before kira goes back to trying to kill him bc oh ur a threat to my quiet life blah blah I’m not gonna let this happen again like in morioh (he accidentally admits that he fled the country bc he’s an idiot) and now uh oh they have incriminating blackmail against eachother!

Another reason kira is pissed at Patrick is because he’s taking all the people HE wanted to get to first and just in general being really sloppy and attention seeking abt it 😭😭 so kira tells him and Batemans like wtf are you gonna do about it I do what I want LOL and Kira’s like ERMM then I’ll tell the police and Batemans like ERMM uno reverse I’ll do that to you so now they’re in another weird spot and begrudging compromise somehow to “share” as long as they try not to hurt or ruin the other. And then from there they get Real Weird with it

[loth-creatures]

I’d love to hear your wall of text about the Sion’s voyage!

Aight, so if there's one thing I hated about the show it's that the journey to a whole ass new galaxy felt like it took 5 minutes. So in my star war it takes roughly 7 weeks and it fucking SUCKS

Disclaimer; this is just a huge mess from my head, nothing is set in stone, and I'm only really planning to comicify the last few parts ;)

Also cw for some implied self-harm ideation, terrible coping mechanisms, deteriorating mental health, violence and injuries (just mentioned, not in detail)

To set the scene, they're using the training/rec room as Sabine’s prison bc Wolfbine is too big for the actual brig lol. Much to the entire crew's irritation. The first week or two they just handcuff her in a corner at blasterpoint whenever they want to use it I guess, and find a closet to lock loose equipment in. At least she gets some entertainment. She probably also gets beat up a few times (you should see the other guy) for commenting on people's techniques. But eventually they decide she probably won't try anything and stop caring she's there, so she's left alone for the most part.

She spends a lot of time working out, bc otherwise she is strongly considering bashing her head into the wall. Having to sit alone as a human and pace in circles as a wolf for days on end with the weight of her decision and all kinds of fresh guilt is doing terrible things to her head...She is also spending a lot of time trying and failing not to sob and scream in the shower when no one's around. There is also a viewport in the rec room and Sabine spends an unhealthy amount of time staring into the rainbow swirl of hyperspace. She can't tell whether or not she's hallucinating the strange shapes that occasionally drift into view, singing strange songs that she can feel more than hear. It reminds her of the ocean and she shudders and dreams of drowning, being crushed by the depths. And she dreams of Ezra alone and lost in this void. There's no easy way to break free of such thoughts when she's essentially trapped in a fish bowl.

Meanwhile, Shin hates Sabine even more now for making her a Wolfwalker. She is not adjusting well to turning into a giant beast every time she tries to sleep and on a cramped vessel with little space to stretch those legs. Having been bitten only just before boarding the Sion, she hasn't had the chance to run wild for miles with the wind in her fur; all she knows is that the journey feels twice as long and horrid when she's consious 24/7. Baylan, on the other hand, is like DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME THIS IS?! YOU SHOULD BE THANKING HER. He's not jealous persay, but. Well. Careful what you wish for...

Wolf Sabine and Shin are both getting major zoochosis smh. It's a miracle Shin hasn't killed a random crew member yet. Wolfbine behaves for maybe a week before she starts chewing up the flooring and howling and screaming husky style just to be a little shit. See how long it takes before someone threatens to shoot her, muzzle her, throw her out the airlock (not long). She can't afford to antagonize the crew too much bc there is only one person on the entire ship who wants her there and he has limited authority. Baylan is quick to remind her of this.

He also makes several attempts to talk to her and get on better terms, as he would like to learn more about the wolves. He tells her of the old fragments of stories of Wolfwalkers he found in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant and his facsination with them and how chasing such tales lead to his other ambitions. Lowkey info-dumping about all the fairy-tales and mythalogical stuff that Shin never took an interest in. Sabine is deathly bored enough to tolerate it to extent, but she is not forgiving him for 'killing' Ahsoka, for digging in her head, for putting her in this situation, and she is absolutely kicking herself for having bitten Shin. For letting anyone affiliated with the Empire close to Lothal's secrets. Too her it's put a deep crack through her promise to protect Lothal, perhaps not as much as having given Thrawn a way home, but she's going to try her damnest to undo that one, and shoves that looming guilt aside as best she can, instead spiraling about the fact that she made Shin a Wolfwalker and short of killing her there is no undoing that. So most of her conversations with Baylan end with telling him to go fuck himself.

Just now realizing I've never gone into detail about why Sabine bit Shin. It was a complete accident. Split second reaction out of pain after taking another small slice from Shin’s lightsaber during their fight on Seatos, which she was able to heal herself but it slowed her down enough for Shin to escape. With a nasty little nip to the arm.

That all said Sabine does not want to kill Shin, in fact she's just starting to feel sorry for her. Shin might be all MY ARCH NEMESIS SABINE WREN, but from the beginning Sabine is just like ugh can this random chick stop making my life harder 🙄

And if she's this miserable as a wolf rn, she can imagine what Shin's going through as a first timer, which is all her fault :( plus the fact that as wolves they are instinctively drawn to other wolves and each of their suffering seems to exacerbate the other's. They are both so lonely. 2 weeks in and (human)Sabine is bored and desperate enough to try heckling Shin into sparring with her, on the rare occasion she passes by (Shin’s been avoiding that room). 3 weeks in and Shin's gotten bored and desperate enough to accept the invitation.

I hc that during a friendly match, most Force-users will refrain from using the Force against a non-Force-user for the most part. Shin is not interested in friendly and absolutely hammers Sabine unless Baylan is there to remind her to play nice. Sabine is fine with this. She wants Shin to use the Force (come at me bro). If anyone's gonna be holding back it's Sabine. She wants to get as familiar as possible with Shin's fighting skill and habits without revealing the full extent of her own, while also slowly learning to anticipate and work around Shin’s use of the Force. That way she'll have an advantage the next time they fight for reals. It's difficult to impossible to hold back though, while still presenting enough of a challenge to keep Shin coming back for more.

While Sabine is more experienced, with a wider range of techniques and more refined skill, Shin is still skilled and powerful and it's hardly a fair fight without her armor and gear. She gets her shit rocked.

Sabine is very rarely able to beat Shin when she's using the Force. But she can withstand her. Many of their fights don't end with a quick, decisive victory so much as Shin just wearing Sabine down until she physically can't fight anymore though she refuses to tap out or surrender. Because for one, it's pissing Shin off, which is fun. And for two, ending the fight means returning to the hell that is sitting alone and staring out that window until it makes her sick in the head. She would kill a man for a single can of paint.

While Shin is toying with Sabine and using her as a bunching bag on the basis that she asked for it, keeps asking for it, doesn't know when to give up, and totally deserves it 😤, she is no easy opponent and Shin is continuously shocked by Sabine's ability to survive her. She was supposed to be just another enemy to tear through, yet has survived two murder attempts, and Shin is now stuck with her on this godforsaken ship for some reason, and she doesn't even have the grace to admit when she's defeated. Unstoppable force has met unmovable object.

Shin simultaneously resents and admires her, though doesn't quite respect her yet. And she definitely fears her a little (though she would never admit that). I kinda get the vibe that Shin’s never really lost a fight, has never truly been left for dead at the end of a battle, and the thought terrifies her. Either she is invincible or she is dead. Meanwhile Sabine can be coughing up blood and she'll be like 'cool see you tmr'✌️😎 The fact that Shin probably deleted one of Sabine's kidneys on Lothal and she seems hardly intimidated is well. Intimidating. And annoying. And hot.

I feel like at some point Baylan would point out that Shin could probably learn a thing or two from Sabine if she would stop beating the shit out of her for two seconds. Shin is already aware of that but doesn't want to admit it.

Meanwhile Sabine just doesn't care anymore what happens to her as long as she lives long enough to get off this accursed vessel, doesn't care how hurt she gets, as long as it passes the time and distracts her from her spiraling thoughts. She's offered a medic multiple times and refuses each time. She doesn't want them seeing the full extent of her injuries and then finding out she can heal herself with the wolf-magic, bc the Empire doesn't need to know about that. She only heals the worst injuries and then gaslights Shin about it. 'You did not break any ribs lol I'm fine quit flattering yourself.' Shin’s like how the fuck are you still standing.

This routine of brutally taking out their frustrations on each other is gonna get old though, and is completely unsustainable. Eventually Shin’s convinced that Sabine is just using her for pain. Which isn't wrong even if it's not the only or even primary reason Sabine keeps asking. Sabine calls her out on fighting like a coward and enjoying hurting her anyway. Shin goes and sulks for a few days after that (not without punching Sabine in face first).

Ok time out. What the hell is Shin’s deal anyway. I have only some half-baked ideas about Baylan and Shin’s...thing. They're like the closest thing we've gotten to 'grey Jedi?' I guess? I've been operating under the assumption that that's what they're essentially trying to be (though it's not what they'd call themselves), something more than Jedi, Baylan says, and that 'more' is just chasing power. They will inevitably fall completely. Probably need to watch the show again to get a better read on them tbh but I would rather not. It will hurt my feelings again :( Baylan is like the mountain. He's calm, he's steady and the darkness erodes him slowly. He thinks he's successfully toeing the line with the dark side, but his faults are most evident in Shin's training. She is like a hurricane. The Force rips through her, chaotic and volatile and her control is iron yet brittle. She hasn't known inner peace a day in her life. She just taught herself restraint in the sense that she suppresses her power until she needs it to plow through her enemies. She will fall far more quickly than her master. Baylan's teachings follow the Jedi's to an extent but once the darkness is let in, those lessons become skewed and contradicted, and Shin is a mess because of it, only mirroring her master's control on the surface. Baylan isn't the worst teacher but he is not a good one. While Shin loves and trusts Baylan, she is getting tired and frustrated following his mysterious whispers of legends to an end he never explains clearly. And she is afraid.

ANYWAY, once Shin’s done sulking, one of these days her and Sabine are gonna have a genuine conversation or two and maybe agree to an actually friendly sparring match in which they agree to not just blindly pulverize each other. They take breaks and drink water and tend to their wounds like adults. And Sabine is like you know, we could just. Hang out. As wolves at least. It would suck sooo much less if you'd come play with me as a wolf xoxo. They slowly transition into a more definitive Truce.

Shin does start hanging out in the rec room as a wolf. Sabine still isn't volunteering info on the wolf magic but she does talk about what its like being wolfwalker in general. They tussel and chase each other around, often getting too rough but also loud enough that someone will come yell at them to stfu before they really hurt each other. It's much easier to take naps as wolves too after they've had a chance to burn some energy which makes the entire ship more peaceful.

However, you can't just be the first vessel in centuries to cross between galaxies and not have some kind of disaster right? Well it turns out the strange shapes out the viewport were not hallucinations. The Sion is essentially traveling through the cosmic deep ocean and there are bigger, older things than even the Purrgil out there. Nothing has an interest in attacking the Sion, but at some point something very large drifts close enough to jolt the Sion off course and shorts out the entire system. This ends up forcing them to drop out of hyperspace in the middle of absolute fucking nowhere.

It takes a few days to get the ship running again and recalculate the jump. And here's where Sabine gets to be a hero and earn some respect around here, bc most of their mechanics are droids which also shorted out and lost power. Seeing as they are at risk of losing life support, they let Sabine help with repairs and turns out she's one of the best mechanics on board, even considering the newer technology she doesn't have as much experience with. This also allows her to get more familar with the ship and find the best places to hide out when she eventually makes her escape, while simultaneously giving the crew more reason to let their guard down on her. Including Shin.

That first loss of power is the worst but there are several more blackouts along the way. Human Sabine and Shin are almost getting along now. They still don't like each other but they are hooking up (it does not fix them), and playing card games by flashlight and truth or dare. Maybe Shin even scrounges up some art supplies for Bean. Now she can pass the time hiding sharpie dicks all over the place. They are almost friends by the time there are three days left in the journey and Sabine is preparing to make her move.

Baylan was probably the one to initiate letting Sabine have her lightsaber to sparr occasionally. He wanted to test her metal as well. I think it would be interesting if they sparred a couple times. Baylan is much more chivalrous than Shin and also goes into teacher mode about sword fighting. Sabine isn't a novice anymore but he's still far more experienced. Shin is like no no no we are not adopting her Dad NO-

So anyway escape day comes, Sabine almost cronches Baylan to death, and Shin is beyond angry. Mostly at herself for letting her guard down enough to allow this to happen, she didn't really expect Sabine to not pull something like this in the end right? It's stupid to feel betrayed when it was so inevitable. She is still 100% gonna take it out on Sabine though, especially for almost killing her master.

Despite the escape attempt, Thrawn lets Sabine go as he does in the show, in the hope that she'll lead them to Ezra’s human body. He figures if anyone could find him, it would be a fellow wolfwalker who considers him dear enough to risk the fate of her entire galaxy. Everyone else is like you're just letting her go?? After all that??? And Thrawn's just like lol what did you expect from her? That's Sabine Wren. They probably do attempt to scan the ship for sabotage but it's so huge and her kyber bomb is so small and rudimentary that they don't find it.

At this point, Sabine is run utterly ragged. Bedraggled even. Having not slept in 2 days,(no room to wolf in the Sion's walls so she just had to stay awake 💀) suffered a heart attack at Baylan's hand, and got beat up by WolfShin again. She's visibly about to collapse and Thrawn's probably like 'do you...want to spend the night before you go? And a medic?' He knows he's most likely sending her to perish in the wilderness anyway, but was hoping to give her at least a chance at finding human Ezra for them. Sabine says hell no I'm getting out of here before you change your mind.

She rides until she actually does collapse, hides her body as best she can and continues as a wolf. She figures they let her go for a reason, and plans to run in erratic circles all night every night to hopefully throw them off, only later investigating any clues she finds as human for a few sporadic hours in the day. Thrawn does send Shin to track her at a distance. If she happens to find the trail of Wolf!Ezra first, kill her. This hunt through the wild will go on for several days at least, before there's any sign of Ezra.

[luveternals]

paring: 1. john 'soap' mactavish x top male reader, implied soap x ghost (spoiler: if you ship them, sorry) rating: mature, MDNI cw: death, blood, depiction of killing, mention of war, major character death(i guess), morally grey reader, obsession, non explicit sexual content. tell me if I missed anything else. disclaimer: all mistakes are my own. I never played cod. I don't know bananas about the military. and i'm not doing research bc I literally don't have the time to fall into another rabbit hole... ⁓ ⁓ ⁓

Just watch from afar. You tell yourself. You will not get anything other than that. Because you know if you dare to get too close, there’s a chance it won’t end well.

You lean against the railing, sweat dump hair sticking to your forehead. He is on the other side of the training grounds, muscles working as he tackles his opponent to the ground.

The grin spreading across his plush lips. The look of surprise that replaces it when the other flips their position. The loud, beaming laugh that bubbles from deep inside his chest when they clap hands, and he gets pulled back onto his feet.

Gorgeous.

Someone calls your name, and when you snap out of whatever trance you’ve fallen, you find you’ve moved closer to the scene at some point.

You shake your head and redirect your body to the person demanding your attention. Your new captain waves his hand at you.

It hasn't been more that a few days since you've been reassigned, landed away like an object, and already they are sending you out with a squad you know nothing of aside from the little written info given to you before you moved to this new base.

You figure they don’t care for tests when the results are destined to be useless in the face of real life.

You only have time to glance over your shoulder, and he’s already leaving, walking further and further away from you. And you suppose there's never been any chance for him to ever notice you to begin with.

-

The building as eerily quiet, nothing like the deafening chaos that had broken the moment your squad had revealed itself to the enemy.

There is a body laying at your feet, eyes staring emptily at the ceiling while the hole between them drips gore into the dusty floor. The gun in your hand is cold despite the echoing ‘bang’ still ringing in your ears.

“All clear,” a voice whispers into your earpiece. “Meet you at exfil, everyone,” another adds.

The face of your victim is smooth, years away from any wrinkles. You pause for a second, taking in every detail.

The gun burns in your trembling grip despite the gloves, blood pooling at your feet. He hadn’t been wearing a helmet, terror now frozen in his empty gaze. His inexperience showed in his lack of scares and wrinkles, expression made macabre with the fresh hole shot between his eyes.

“Was that your first?” someone had asked when you made it to exfil and found your seat in your team’s assigned vehicle. You didn’t bother answering, they had their own regardless.

Your first kill. You tucked your gun away and ignored it for the rest of the ride.

You step out of the building, clothes sticky with wet filth and feet leaving dark stains into the ground. But the gun is steady in your hands, the next bullet ready to be fired. The mess left behind is nothing but an unfortunate aftermath.

“What a face,” someone from your team says the moment you find yourself at exfil, “seen the devil?”

“The last kid I killed,” you say with a hum, “iIt reminded me of the first time I shot someone.”

“Your first kill was just a kid?”

You don’t bother to give an answer.

-

It’s three years later that you meet him officially.

You’ve never dared to get anywhere close to him, and simply learned about him instead.

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish.

Nothing about him changed. To say he seems to have walked out of your memories it’s an understatement.

What’s different now though is the people that are part of his team.

The TF141. Who hasn’t heard of them?

Respected for their efficiency, infamous for the stories that circulate about them.

You stand to attention when you notice them making their way towards you.

The captain is the first to shake your hand, but Soap is, of course, the one that has your attention zero on him.

“I’ve heard of yah,” he says, and you have to fight the urge to beam. Has he? “Efficient, strong-willed, with nerves of steel. Say, he’s gonna be the perfect babysitter, ay Lt?”

Soap turns to beam at the looming figure that steps to stand behind him and fire burns into your vein, angry and ugly.

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley. The person Soap seems to be the closest to.

“You’re gonna scare him off, Johnny,” Riley only gives him an unimpressed look before shifting his attention to stare at you. Friend of foe?

It's ridiculous how the two of them standing so close sends the urge to clench your hands into fist through your body.

They’ve been a team for years now, it’s only natural for them to grow close.

Logically, that would be it. But you find yourself hating the mere idea.

“It’ll be a pleasure to work with you,” you say, gentle smile grazing your lips. It doesn’t reach your eyes and whether Soap sees it or not, you know Ghost does.

You let it spread wider until it turns into a dangerous smirk.

-

Being pinned to the floor with a gun to the temple takes you by surprise, but it’s a natural reaction before your logic replaces it. You should have seen it coming, you’ve grown overconfident in your skills during the years, too cocky even.

The odds had never been in your favor. They knew somehow of your plan and now the 141 has been sent to scatter.

You’ve lost sight of the others, your comms stolen by the enemy.

There are bodies littering the floor, abandoned weapons taking up the little remaining space.

“I’m gonna love this,” the bastard pressing you into the floor hisses into your ear.

Bang.

When it comes to a fight, skill is not the only factor that comes into play.

you jerk to the side and pain blossom through the side of your head, still you throw your weight back and the man falls off you with a surprised shout.

You jump him, elbow falling against his throat, and steal the gun from his slacked grin.

The echoing bang sends stars into your vision and splatters his brain into the floor.

You stumble onto your feet, hand flying up to press against the side of your head. The ringing against your ear makes you squint and when you feel a new presence enter the room you spin around on instinct and fire your weapon, body slamming against the wall as someone throws their weight against you.

Click.

The magazine is empty.

“I suppose I should count ourselves lucky, you and I, hmm?”

Riley is holding your knife against your throat, your gun aiming at his chin.

He slips your knife back into its holster and steps away to look around the room. “You could have stabbed the shite out of him before he’d even had the chance to shoot you. Afraid of knives or someth'?” he asks, and you know he’s making fun of you despite his mask hiding his expressions.

You pull your hand away from your head and stare at it. Blood stains the glove and drips down your face, but the bullet had only grazes at the skin of your head. “Not the kind weapon I care for.”

-

“They are made to be used,” Captain Price says through the comms. “You don’t carry them just because,” he says, and despite the disinterest Riley is currently exerting, you know he purposely had a hand in this.

“When we get back we will brush over your combat skills.”

You feel like a child, adults staring you down after they found out you haven’t done your homework. Not a soldier making his way back thorugh an abandoned building to meet with the rest of his team.

“There is no need for that, sir,” you say with a sigh.

“Then why haven’t you used it?”

No one is immune to trauma. And in some degree we all know we’re suffering from it in some way or another. We either don’t want to acknowledge it or are simply too broken by it to realize we’re under it’s influence.

You fall silent. It’s not that you don’t know how to answer. Nor is it that you’re too broken by the sweet, soulless voice that whispers into your ear like a devil on your shoulder without its angel.

It’s the fact that they would not understand. Perhaps, their gazes would soften with sympathy, perhaps they would harden with disgust.

Still, they wouldn’t understand. To do so they would have to experience it for themselves. And you know there only little chance for it to end as it did you.

And so you let them find their own answers; they have them of their own, anyway. Assumptions are good enough for it.

Like always.

-

Perhaps, you’ve lost your touch. Perhaps, it’s the alcohol easing your guard to relax, attention stolen away by the pleasurable warmth spreading through your limbs.

He can sense your eyes on him tonight. And each time he turns to meet your gaze with a confident, amused smirk.

Right now, he leans against the bar, perfect body stretching against the counter as he moves to press his lips against your ear, “is staring all you gon’do?” he purrs, hot breath sending chills down your back and straight between your legs.

You’re frozen in delighted surprise. Your voice cracks when you find it again. “It depends.”

“Hmm,” he chuckles, finger tickling up your throat to press against you Adam's apple, “on what, pray tell?”

Initial shock gone, it’s your time to smirk. You take his hand in yours and press a kiss against his palm, then run your tongue between two of his fingers. “Am I your first choice tonight?”

He falters, body going rigid at the words. His attention flicks to the side, gaze staring somewhere just past your shoulder.

You can feel the intensity of his first choice burning a hole on the back of your head.

You shove the bitterness aside and pull you man closer by the hips.

“It's okay, darling. I’ll show you how you got nothing but to gain from this.”

The way out of the pub and into your room is a blur of heat and hunger. He lets out a loud groan, gripping your shoulders as you press him against the door, lips sucking possessive marks down his throat and chest.

He flips your position and slams you against the wall, hands pulling at your clothes and lips biting against your own.

You smile and push him away. “Impatient.” with a second push he falls onto the bed, legs spread open and chest heaving with anticipation, “is this what him breaking your heart makes you feel?”

He tenses for the second time this night, hesitation washing over the lust hazing his gaze. But you're already climbing onto the bed, pulling him closer by the knees and wrapping his legs around your waist.

“Don’t worry, darling. Once I’m done with you, you won't have any energy to do anything but think of me.”

-

The air is knocked out of your opponent, back hitting the mat below your feet with a dull thump.

Soap groans and huffs out a laugh as he claps his hand into yours, and you pull him to his feet.

“Cap, I think he doesn’t need the knife after all,” he says and slips his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer, so he can grin at you. His gaze is heavier than it has ever been, touch lingering longer and longer the more he finds reasons to touch you.

“I know how to use it, It’s just not my preferred weapon,” you say, “I find using it a little too… personal.”

-

Other knives are different from the real thing. They might be duller, sharper, newer, older. But they are not the same thing.

You hold it under the moonnight, letting it shine as it reflects under it. The handle has long lost its colors, the design dulled and smoothed over by time and use.

You circle your hand around it and for some reason it feels out of place now that it fits the shape properly, making the grip more comfortable, firmer, steadier. Your fingers feel like they don’t belong there, like they are too large now, too callous, too stained.

You let it spin around your fingers, and it moves with too much grace and elegance, too much confidence, you much will to kill.

Not like the first time you’ve welded it. When the moon shone through the window like a witness. When your fingers trembled as wet warmth spread over them. Your breath came out quicker, harsher, punching through your lungs with panic.

You were clueless back then, armed only with knowledge taken from science lessons at school. Guided by repressed rage, pushed over by fear.

Your real first kill.

The knife spins faster, only to sink into the wood of the window frame when you stab it into it.

-

Nothing is going to turn out tonight. This Is how they’ve put it when they’d sent you out on stakeout. Your presence here is a simple, mostly useless precaution.

You watch him from the table, posture leaned against the chair into a careful, lazy slump.

While you're open about your staring, he’s on the balcony, eyes scanning the streets below. Still you can feel his attention on you, muscles tense as neither of you outright acknowledges thick the tension weight over your heads.

The knife is a solid weight against in its holster, pressing flat against your thigh when you tense your leg. You reach below the table and play with the handle.

This night is not going to end like everyone expects it. You know.

He shifts his position and this time turns to meet your gaze head on, eyes scanning your expression and jaw clenching st what he finds.

Neither of you is waiting for the enemy, no. He knows.

-

141 finds you standing in the middle of the room. Gun warm in one hand. Knife stained red in the other.

Two bodies laying on the ruined carpet at your feet. Only one their foe; neither your friend.

-

They hold a funeral for him. Only his closest friends are permitted to assist. He had no family left.

They let you in when you show up with the rest of the team.

You suppose you shouden’t be surprised. They see you as the one who’d avenged their friend.

-

Soap clings to your clothes, desperate lips pressing against any part of your skin he can reach.

You try to enjoy the feeling, bask at his touch, but the salt you taste on his lips sends an old, familiar raging fire through your veins.

Despite being out of the picture he still stands in your way.

-

—

Name: Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley

Status: KIA

His and his teammate's position had been compromised. Suspected cause of the mission failure is that someone set an ambush before their arrival on site. Attacker has been eliminated but whoever gave the information away is still to be found and caught.

—

You read through his file, brushing over the official story given to explain his death.

He should be grateful, wherever he is now in his afterlife. You’ve given him an honorable death, all things considered.

You do regret not getting your money back before getting rid of that mercenary.

Carefully, you slip the file back where it belongs, wiping away any trace that would tickle suspicion out of the most perceptive eye.

You’ve played this game for longer, than anyone could have ever guessed. The other player none other than yourself.

As you’ve known since the very beginning, you've let yourself step too close to the edge, and now it’s not your heart that’s gotten broken, by your mind.

Obsession.

You’ve fallen, and have no intention of climbing back up.

He is yours now, whether he knows it or not. He belongs to you, body, mind, and soul, whether he wants it or not.

~ ~ ~ thank you for reading! hope you liked it. tell me if there's anything I should fix, as I already said, I don't have the time to make this more accurate with research, but I'm more than open to suggestions and constructive criticism.

[employee052]

OKOKOK HERES THE AU IDEA

ive been revisiting Detroit Become Human bc of my partner playing it recently, as well as me reading some connor x readers that gave me this idea directly, plus adding in some other games that i feel like could fit, i had this idea:

(its not refined atm n hella rough draft so please ignore shit that doesnt make sense)

[CW DEATH]

The Narrator is an experimental Android named VA427 "Virgil", made as the ultimate assistant and sent to work at some office building

He follows the boss around, doing tasks given by them and walking around the office helping the boss manage it while they stay in their office

This is how he meets Stanley, an employee who is usually reserved around everyone except for Virgil.

He takes a liking to Virgil, signing to him and having chats whenever he passes by, and Virgil loves it.

The two grow close. Virgil likes Stanley because he treats him with respect and listens to him, Stanley likes Virgil because he's not judgmental and can understand sign language

However, as their friendship grows, the boss begins to assign more work to all his employees, causing most of them to be overworked with a few accidents involving people passing out on the job

Stanley is no exception, he stays late and does every task asked of him, Virgil is worried but keeps doing it since thats his task, however this is when he starts to deviate.

He starts questioning things during his time working, and realises his attatchment to Stanley

Stanley falls over one day at the office after staying overtime for a month straight for 3 additional hours.

Virgil runs in to help him as everyone else walks around him like its not a problem. Stanley dies shortly after in the office.

Virgil goes to call 911 when the boss stops him, telling him that its not neccessary and to dump his body in the basement.

if the police found out about the treatment of their employees, they could be sued, so the boss has elected to hiding the bodies and covering up their deaths.

Virgils furious, mourning the loss of his friend taken too early and the only person who treated him nicely. But the boss doesnt budge

they throw Virgil and Stanley into the basement together. Locking them in with a pile of dead bodies and all items that other dead employees used.

He goes to find a few spare computers and manages to find a way to hook himself and stanley up to it.

Connected to the PC, stanley's body and mind is uploaded. However, its not fully, since stanley was dead for a while before being uploaded, it only retains a few memories. primarily that of being in an office, and having a wife and an apartment, but not having the exact memory of who or what they looked like.

Virgil creates a VR world for stanley to live in. at first he had attempted to create sprawling stories for him just as stanley told him in past conversations, but Virgil hasnt really explored the outside all too much given he lives at the office.

He shifts the VR world so its centered around the office. He cant tell stanley he's dead either, so he acts as though hes simply playing a video game.

the next few years/decades are just the narrator falling deeper into the role of making stories for stanley and getting too into the video game idea. releasing the game offically however with stanleys consciousness only on his PC in the basement of the office.

during these years, is where im combining some aspects from portal blue sky and half life.

while virgil falls into the role of the narrator and is in the basement of this office with stanleys decayed body, the black mesa incident happens.

aliens come in, vorts n shit, and then the combine come in and take over. virgil doesnt ever see this bc hes safe in the basement.

decades pass by, then after a long while, an explorer wanders into the ruins of the old office building

they eventually find the basement and the narrators body hooked up to the computer and stanleys skeleton beside him

this explorer would take the keyboard and begin playing the game, until virgil, now the narrator, realises that its not stanley

however, so much time has passed and so little of stanley was saved that hes simply a dead man walking, an echo of a dead man, a memory

after a long time where the explorer and the narrator talk, the narrator agrees to end the vr simulation, he keeps it in his memory banks, but he agrees to not fully trap himself in the simulation to keep stanley going. hes gonna lay him to rest

getting up, the narrator finds his body to be alien to him, hes forgotten that he even had a physical form, and through the years of being put on sleep mode to allocate all processing power to the vr world, his bodys also decayed a bit

the synthetic hair doesnt grow, but begins to fade in its colour

his eyes dont work as well considering theyve been on standby mode, they still work, but theres a permanent blur to him that means he needs glasses

the synthetic skin on his face and hands only begin to sag and wrinkle

the parts of his body that dont have synthetic skin and are exposed from the rips in his clothing have rusted, the office building's basement being almost like the skip button where a break in the roof causes some water and plants and animals to enter and eat away at his body. making it rusty and making him slower to move

the explorer and the narrator leave the building, and take refuge in a small town of other survivors quite similar to eaden in blue sky, where the explorer lives

during the narrators stay here, he struggles to move past stanley, being focused and obsessed with him for decades before being brought out of it.

and here comes the whole reason why i got this au idea:

the narrator goes back to the vr simulation with stanley and the office, and shifts it.

what was once an office becomes a refurbished memory zone. with a desk for him to write in whenever the explorer sleeps and a place for him to calm down when tough things happen. its the closest he can get to a mind palace

however, hes not alone in here, he makes a small area for stanley to live in, he will never leave him and his mind, but hes moved on, hes past that grief.

he visits stanley in this new mindscape of his from time to time, to give an update, to just remember him, but he moves on.

the rest of the au would just be the narrator learning to take control of his life again, trusting the explorer and becoming more integrated with the townsfolk, managing his rusty body, and re-exploring his old hobbies that he forgot about.

ik i already posted the designs, but with this context, heres virgil and the narrators form before and after the parable

[signed-sapphire]

The Fallen Star ✨

A Wish rewrite

(Scrapped) Act I - Prologue

We hear a woman’s voice reminiscent of the Golden Age of Disney, narrating events from a book:

Once upon a time, Stars roamed the earth. Magical beings from the sky that used their magic to help people, to assist them in fulfilling their dreams.

However, the Stars soon started to simply grant wishes, and people became lazy and dependent, demanding the stars make their wishes reality. The Stars became full of themselves and mad with power, almost destroying the kingdoms.

[Author’s Note: Take my messy sketches! Idk I’ll try to do little doodles per part IT WAS RUSHED OKAY]

One survivor, Magnus Arman, escaped his burning homeland. He saw the wreckage the Stars had caused, and vowed that he could never lose the people he loved to the Stars again.

On his journey, Magnus came across another wrecked kingdom. Another land the Stars had destroyed. Another land with no survivors… but one. Magnus heard a faint sob in the distance. Once he followed it, Magnus came across a child— Asha Arabella.

Magnus took Asha under his wing, and started working to stop the Stars. He studied their magic, bringing his young daughter with him on his adventures.

While he studied, he met a young woman named Amaya, who cared for Asha like her own. Soon enough, the two fell in love and wed.

[Amaya’s dress is a callback to the classic Golden Age princess wedding dresses]

But one day, more Stars fell from the heavens and attacked, wanting all the magic for themselves.

That day, Magnus almost lost his family.

So Magnus, determined to protect his family, used all his magical knowledge and became the Wishgranter, one who would decide what wishes were good and what could never be granted.

Note that the book doesn’t tell exactly how Magnus defeated the Stars… but anyways now he has a sick-ass white outfit like the one we see in the canon movie.

He defeated the evil Stars, and together, Magnus and Amaya founded the Kingdom of Rosas, a safe haven across off the Iberian Peninsula where people could give their wishes to Magnus and he would keep them safe from harm, from the greedy Stars. Magnus became known throughout the lands as Magnifico, the master of wishes.

And often, the wishes people gave Magnifico were good, and he granted them.

We see Magnifico granting a wish [I can’t find the picture but let’s say the dressmaker one we saw in the movie with a callback to Sleeping Beauty’s dress. And you know what, it’s blue.]

Little Asha was raised in the castle where she was doted on by her parents.

Teen Asha, just a bit younger than she is now, so around fourteen, and the page flips to Asha now, seventeen years old.

And this is where our story begins.

Next (coming soon)

So! Epilogue! I guess! Halfway done but I need to get it out bc I want to start random doodles and I need somewhat of a starting point!

Heavy heavy thanks to @annymation and their INCREDIBLE rewrite, go check it out, it’s amazing and wayyyy more of a tribute to the original Disney than mine will be. And @gracebethartacc/@gracebeth3604 (hey, I was the one who asked about whether your rewrite was written or thought dumps/ etc, but btw your rewrite IS well known, my roommate’s friends know of it and Anny’s) bc they have a popular rewrite with their amazing art doodles and thought dumps, so… I said fuck it and posted this.

I will update with more doodles! These are messy but I wanted to put SOME there… also! Check out @uva124 if you want to see some FANTASTIC wish art!

[carmsgarms]

just wanna hug you for the jkr post bc my former friends made me feel insane for not validating their continued engagement 💜

Bestie listen youve unzipped me and im about to go off. Harry Potter was my entire life until she literally couldn't shut the fuck up about trans women being perverts and infiltrators. I was a lonely neurodivergent weirdo and Harry Potter brought me solace as a kid. I read each of the books at least 7 or 8 times, that shit is INGRAINED in my brain. One of my best friends of 10+ years is my friend today because the first thing we bonded over was seeing the last HP movie. I used to be deadset on my 2nd tattoo being my pottermore wand with my hogwarts house. I wanted a fucking HP-themed wedding. The first funko pops I bought were Harry Potter ones. My first serious boyfriend told me he wanted to propose to me in front of Hogwarts castle (this was something he said to guilt trip me when i dumped his ass) ((also thank the gods that never happened he was a shithead and so is jkr)). My mom for some godforsaken reason let me help her name my youngest brother when he was born because she couldn't think of a name and my 10yo ass fuckikg picked DANIEL because of Daniel Radcliffe. I was in DEEP.

And you know what? Aside from the books I camped out to buy on release day and the DVDs that are crammed in a box somewhere in a storage unit, I have gotten rid of every single Harry potter thing I owned because I grew the fuck up and found better things to like. Sure I'll watch the DVDs again every few years to feel the nostalgia again because a good chunk of the cast are great people (we fucking stan Dan Radcliffe and David Tennant in this house ) but I'm not giving jkr another cent of my money or an inkling of my time beyond that.

You are so valid and you are allowed to be upset if your friends continue to engage with Harry potter content.

Anyone who days "uwu my nostalgia" ask them if they still sleep with their fucking baby blanket too.

My former boss wouldn't shut the fuck up about the new video game when it came out. At least once a week he'd ask me if I'd played it yet and every single time I would tell him "I'm not engaging with that franchise anymore. JKR uses money to fund anti-trans legislation." And he'd always spout some bullshit about nostalgia or "but it's SO good" or "yeah I just try to separate the art from the artist / oh but the devs who worked hard on the game! / but playing the game doesn't actually support her! (yes the fuck it does if the game does well it boosts her platform)"

And especially now that my wife has come out, I'm extra ready to fight the next grown person who tells me they ~separate the art from the artist~ like fuck off. There are better things to spend your time and energy on. I hope everything JKR makes flops hard. Everything shes done since the last movie has been a disgusting cash-grab and none of it is even good. I'm beyond thrilled that BG3 has had a wild runaway success and a longer-lasting player base than the fucking game she put out. Nothing has ever disappointed me more than JKR being the way that she is.

Oh but the lore and world building? The ability to make your own character in such a fun and magical immersion world?bDnd has better lore than Harry potter ever did and the lore adds up and makes sense. If you look at her shit beyond the surface level she is actually fucking TERRIBLE at world building especially when she tries to do it without being a fucking racist ((does anyone remember when early drafts for the American magic schools that were using Native American imagery and it was all REALLY FUCKING OFFENSIVe and let's also not forget "no-maj" being the least fucking creative thing she ever came up with)

"But my hogwarts house" PLEASE choose a better Personality.

I have more nostalgia for Avatar the Last Airbender these days since i got into that when it first started airing when i was 12 (and look if you're really into the fuckin houses as your Personality you can get that with ATLA! Water tribe forever bitches)

"But the characters!!!" Please. There are better characters ALL AROUND YOU. pick up a fucking comic book. Yknow Superman actually has a similar structure, he's got the nerdy Normal friend and the love interest and it's a goddamn shame none of the movies include his bestie Jimmy because he's just as important as Lois Lane is.

"But all the strong female characters!" It is 2024 please I beg you to find other female role models (I will again point to Avatar the Last Airbender and Literally Any Comic Book Featuring A Woman. Captain Marvel is actually really good. Battlestar Galactica is also chock full of strong female characters and that came out in the early 2000s!)

Bestie i genuinely feel bad for all the fucking white people who can ignore all the bullshit JKR has done and said and all those sad saltine cracker flavor type people whose entire personalities are Watching The Office and Enjoying Harry Potter And Star Wars. Grow up. Move On.

If it's that important to you (and i mean the general you here not you specifically), please do what I did and Marie Kondo that part of your life. You don't need to hold onto the safety blankie you had as a child. You don't have to hold onto the pair of shoes that got you through high school and are out of fashion and falling apart. You give it a sendoff. Say "thanks for getting me through that part of my life but I'm moving on" and you move the fuck on.

I did something really sappy for my 30th birthday - I said goodbye to the franchise. I mourned what could have been. I went to Universal studios ((also bc Simpsons land and fast and furious ride and ET and a bunch of other stuff are there)) but I stopped into Harry potter world to do everything once and say goodbye to that part of my life since it was something I had wanted to do for most of my youth, and my friend who i became friends with because of harry potter was there with me. We drank the fucking pumpkin juice, had breakfast at the three broomsticks, appreciated all the little easter eggs around hp world, rode the hagrid ride, and ate a chocolate frog I wore my trans rights shirt and dressed gay as hell, my friend is trans so he just ~existed blissfully~ . I think every Harry potter fan needs to acknowledge that the franchise was good for them in the 90s, mourn that part of their life, and move on.

Bonus: me being Gay as Fuck in front of the castle. I hope JKR fucking rots and fades into obscurity and people come to realize she's worse than HP Lovecraft.

[suxkami]

YEARNING FOR COMFORT , ,

ft . freminet + gn reader

genre : mostly angst + a sprinkle of comfort

summary : you and freminet were supposed to have a friendly hang out session today , but something seems off about him . . .

administration note : hi there ! I know it's been a while since i've posted on here but I'm back ! this is just a silly freminet oneshot i decided to do for him bc he's one of my favorite characters so far in fontaine so enjoy ! :] (im praying this doesn't flop so please enjoy)

warnings : not proofread + emo freminet /j ?! + slight trauma dump from freminet (but comfort from reader in the end <3) + sibling crumbs for you lot + quite short

word count : 1.0K

written by pio on the 9th of september 2023 , !! DO NOT COPY OR STEAL !!

. . .

today, you felt like it would be a great day to go out with your friend freminet, you had felt like you two hadn't hung out for a while since last monday, so why not try talking to him?

although yes, it was common for him to be an introvert most of the time and you knew that pretty much from the beginning when you two first met. it wasn't like him to be distant from people for longer than 3 days, not a whole week.

you couldn't help but feel as if something was wrong. . .

you asked lyney when you saw him out in public,

"ah! , yes of course I have! but uh. . . lately he's been seeming a little off. . . like as if he's not himself "

well at least now you knew he wasn't dead.

you decided to ask lynette about freminet as well,

"yes, but freminet has been avoiding occasions such as eating, me and lyney's shows, and also sleeping." she said,

huh? he's been. . . skipping meals and sleep? did you hear that right?

now you really needed to see him and have a proper talk.

a few hours later, you arrived at the house of the three siblings. you knew that the two of the three were out hosting a show at the Debord hotel, so it just had to be freminet in the house. besides, you knew he wasn't a fan of being outside that much. so he had to be in here.

you knocked on the door, to which at first, the doorknob didn't twist. but when you called out, the door opened after a while of silence.

there stood freminet at the door, you could only see him a little because he was hiding his face behind the door. "Y/N. . .?" he whispered. "freminet. . ." you said his full name which meant you were serious with a hint of sadness in your eyes when you saw him, a frown found it's way on your face.

he looked so pale, the dark circles under his eyes, and his slow. . . very slow figure that was barely holding onto the door. "what- what happened. .?" you whispered, but soon freminet would cut you off. "uh, please. . . please don't tell my siblings about my state. . ." he said. "how long have you been like this fremi. . .?" you asked, "can i come in?" you asked, that last question took him a while to answer before opening the door enough to fit you inside. to which he quickly shut the door.

he gestured for you to follow him into his bedroom upstairs, but you quickly interrupted him. "aren't you hungry?" you asked him, that made freminet's stomach growl quite loudly. indicating that yes. . . he was in fact hungry, "i uh-" "no, you're eating. now." you protested, almost talking to him in a mother like tone.

. . .

it was quiet between you two while you made freminet something to eat, as he sat there waiting at the dining room table with his legs propped up straight and his arms off the table like you two were in the setting of a strict family household at dinner time. the sound of the kettle boiling, the stove being used, and the sink being used to wash some vegetables. you broke the silence when you noticed him at the table, and the sound of your voice nearly made him jumped from how silent it was before.

"you know, you don't have to be so formal just for a meal when around me." you said, it seemed to make freminet's tense figure relax a little. "I don't want you feeling like you're back in the house of hearth again. . ." you sighed, continuing to chop up the vegetables you were prepping after you washed them. but then. . . you heard the sound of. . . sniffling? or maybe it was sobbing?

you snapped your head to look back at freminet who was crying a little, it actually shocked you a bit. this was the first time you've seen him cry in years. but it pained your heart a little, you quickly walked over to him and pulled a chair from the table and sat next to him. rubbing his back soothingly and shushing him, "hey, hey. . . it's alright, im here." you said. comforting him throughout his sibs, "why're you crying?" you asked. freminet quickly wiped his tears and acted strong as he didn't even realize he was crying in front of you. "father says that people who cry are like broken toys. . ." he said, "Y/N. . . am i, broken to you?" he asked you. your heart only softened at this question, "you're not broken to me or anybody else, don't think that." you said, " i think. . . lyney and lynette are broken too. . . like me." he said.

thats when you turned his head to face you, "freminet, look at me." you said. "to me, you're strong, brave, and so amazing when it comes to being independent!" you said, "you will never be seen as a broken person to be, rather, somebody who can be fixed by somebody." you said. your hands were on freminets shoulders as you looked at him deep in the eyes, your words seemed to have some sort of affect on freminet as he stared at you in awe yet also in a daze. "I- well-" freminet stuttered a little from his crying as he sniffled a bit again, wiping his eyes with his nightshirt long sleeve as he looked at you again. "you think so?" he said, "yes of course!" you said. his face now relaxed a little as he was still forming tears from his eyes whilst looking at you.

"thank you, Y/N." freminet said, "for everything..." he said with a faint smile. "i really needed some comfort from somebody like you.."

"don't mention it, now. wait here while i make your food before your stomach grumbles even louder." you said before walking back into the kitchen, right in time when the twins came back from their performance. . .

[vampireassistant]

okay story time about the crazy grown ass woman from when i was a teen that would dump her hcs about otis csa from his dad and try to get me to tell her sex hcs about spotis cause it "helped her stress" and harass me for fanart

back when i just turned 16 there was this bitch who found me cause id post otis art on insta. grown ass adult woman btw. and she started to dm me and beg me for detailed hcs about sex (cause at 16 i was an obnoxious kinnie about spaulding and she shipped spotis) which in retrospect was extremely weird but that wasnt the fucked up part. she had like 10 different fics, some going over 40k words, where shed have entire chapters describing otis as a kid getting brutally raped by his dad. she was also super obsessed with otis having an ED and hip problems from where his dad broke his hips from raping him so much as a kid (keep all this in mind for when you read the screenshots). shed dm me randomly outta the blue while i was in class for my GED telling me her otis csa ptsd hcs. that was the shit that made me so disturbed. all of this was unprompted. and at 16 i was going through a lot with being homeless and my dad going to prison for dv so i was just letting her yap in my dms bc these things dont trigger me but it sure was fucking weird.

flash forward to about 2 years ago and she tried to ask jack for the otis bio pics and he was like hey....wait....aint you the cunt who used to fantasize child rape in my man's dms when he was a vulnerable teen and she deleted all her fics like they never existed. crazy shit.

screenshot dump just so yall can see how....strange this chick was:

^ this one isnt too bad its just so random. source? what the hell are you on about? why are you fantasizing about the irl man bill moseley with your weird ED fetish?

^ her randomly bringing up otis getting raped as a kid. again. as she always did. left the first part in just so you can see how she'd just shove it into every convo.

^ the first screenshot is showing how shed fucking interrogate me to give her descriptions of her weird fetish. also she wouldn't stfu about woobifying otis for it. love how you can essentially see me being like Why Are You Thinking About This So Much

^ this is just a general cringe screenshot cause im like yeah they used to rob places and kill people together of course cutter's dug a bullet or two out of otis before and vice versa. and shes like Fuck.....if otis went to the hospital.......how was my 16yo ass less cringe and more logical than this grown woman

^ i actually clearly remember i was ghosting her during this time period because of school and also just. i didnt wanna keep having her bring up kid rape about my man every 4 messages. and here she is doing it again unprompted.

^ ANOTHER UNPROMPTED OTIS RAPE HC !!! LET HIS HOLE REST GIRL GODDAMN.

^ im talking about my surgeries and this bitch just pops off with "otis hates sucking his dad off" i remember the whiplash this gave me and its been 6 damn years. it still takes me off guard every time i remember.

^ to end this on a lighter note cause this always makes me laugh. ma'am do you even remember who youre talking about

[anyothercomments]

Idea no xxxx for my miraculous rewrite that I’ll never write

I wish so bad that Master Fu was more than this stereotype of asian mystical ancient power man and its annoys me to no end. You’re telling me you have this 200 yr old man who managed to destroy the order of the miraculous as a child, single handedly guarded the miraculous since then and then randomly decided to endanger a bunch of children and you’re not gonna like fully flesh him out? No. I think not.

There’s 2 ways I’d go about rewriting his plot line. 1- make him a great guardian to marinette and adrien. When adrien finds out his father’s gabriel agreste either i’d have master fu adopting him bc i want my man adrien to get to know the lore like he deserves, or just acts as the father figure he’s been so desperately needing. For marinette, we already know in the show that she trusts him so i’d develop their relationship more from a cultural standpoint bc we need to change marinette’s attitude towards her chinese half ok. I think it’d be great if she had to start learning mardarin or something for the guardian duties because even though the book’s written in the guardian code maybe some scripts or stuff r written in mardarin and then they can have cute bonding moments. Also this would lead to marinette’s motivations to go to china for the special to not be so actually disgusting (jeremy why would you make your main character half chinese when you hold so much racial bias against chinese people actually get a life). Basically option one would be found family trope.

The other way I would explore him would be to big up the whole reckless endangerment thing. Like yes maybe there’s some mystical reason as to why master fu had to chose 14 yr old in my first option, but isnt it just so much more fun if i make marinette trust this unreliable adult just for him to undergo the whole memory loss thing much earlier on when she doesnt have anywhere near enough knowledge or experience and just give her trauma. Like make her aspire to be like him despite his terrible teaching methods and also not let her know of master fu’s failings until way after he loses his memories, so she finds out from the other guardian guy and she’s like wait this old man didnt really think i was special he was probs just and old geezer who dumped way too much onto me. Idk something about imperfect adults that r trying their best but still end up falling short is so poetic to me.

Anyways I apologise for any spelling mistakes cus i’m not about to reread this and check

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Happy (AO3) Anniversary to Another Level! 🎉 (and a long-ass Kiko rant bc who would I be without those?)

If you haven't already, you can read Another Level on AO3. I'm slowly posting the installments here on Tumblr as well 💕

I posted Make A God Bleed exactly a year ago and I never imagined that it would become what it has. Honestly, I created Rinko on a whim and she took on a life of her own that I’m so grateful for. I love our lil corner. I’ve loved pretty much every moment we’ve had here.

I wouldn’t have survived 236 without Rinko and our corner. I wouldn’t have gotten through it without all of you here, sharing my rage and my anger. And I wouldn’t have gotten through all the shit going down now, either.

But I told my best friend a few months ago that I truly never would have found the courage to finally get out of my toxic, loveless marriage if I hadn’t realized that I was writing a lot of Rinko and Satoru’s relationship the way that I so desperately wished my marriage was: one filled with mutual respect and love. Two people who love each other despite the hardships, through the hardships, and facing everything that comes at them together. Loving each other even when it’s hard. Working to be better for themselves and for each other. That’s love. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s hard, but at the end of the day, it should never feel lonely. It should never leave you feeling unwanted or unlovable or like a burden. It should never leave you feeling hopeless. It should never make you feel like you’re on an island all alone while you’re sitting right next to someone who claims to love you.

*tw for trauma dump, discussion of emotional abuse

When I finally told my ex-husband that I wanted a divorce, it was in response to his threat with it. Since we got married, in almost any disagreement or argument we had, he would attempt to end it by threatening me with, “Do you want to end up divorced? Because this is how we end up divorced." When I finally told him that yes, I did want to get divorced, he listed all the reasons he believed we couldn't. After he'd given a laundry list of reasons, all of which included what others would say or think, I realized and pointed out that he hadn't once said he wanted to stay married because he loved me and wanted to be with me.

He didn't want to stay married to me. He just didn't want to be divorced. To him, marriage was a status symbol, not love. To him, divorce was a threat and a weapon to keep me in line - to keep me from disagreeing with him. As if living life married to someone who threatened divorce instead of being willing to discuss and resolve our problems, someone who didn't want to go to marriage counseling because he didn't want 'homework' and didn't want to 'listen to a stranger tell him what to do,' someone who swore at me and called me names and treated me like a child when he was upset, someone who threw things at me and waved objects in my face and broke things when he was angry, someone who said that I never took responsibility for my actions but always blamed his own on me, was somehow better than being alone for the rest of my life.

I'm not perfect. I'll never claim to be perfect or blameless. There are absolutely ways I could have been better in my marriage and in life. But I finally realized that no matter my flaws, nothing excuses the way he treated me. Nothing excuses the number of times he purposefully made me wish I was dead; the number of times he glared at me with something so close to hatred while I had a panic attack and accused me of faking it to make him feel sorry for me; the number of times he stormed out and left me wondering if my existence in his life was truly so awful that it would be better if I was gone forever; the number of times that I had to sit alone in a room, sobbing as I tried to convince myself that dying wasn't the solution while my husband told me he wouldn't comfort me because I didn't deserve it. He told me that my years of therapy had done nothing for my mental health, but the fact that I'm still breathing proves him wrong.

I didn't do it alone. I had so much help. I had my therapist, my best friend, my family, my friends, and Rinko and all of you in our lil corner. So, thank you all again from the bottom of my heart.

Our Goinko has become so much more than I ever imagined. From Another Level to Physical Paradox to Gokudō, I genuinely love that so many people adore these two idiots as much as I do. It makes my heart jump every time someone tells me they’re rereading Another Level or that it’s their comfort because, in all honesty, it’s mine, too. It's incredible to see that people are still finding it and reading it for the first time. Seeing comments from people who binged it all in one night makes my entire day.

I’ve been so busy lately with my new job and trying to navigate what my life is now that I’m divorced that I really don’t have that much time to write, but I promise I’m still here. I will finish Physical Paradox, and I will finish Gokudō. And then I just might pick up my original work again and maybe get it published someday.

Hopefully, I’ll have an update of some kind for something soon, but we’ll see. I’ve decided to try to quit pressuring myself so much.

Thank you all again for being part of our lil corner and this incredible journey over the past year. I couldn’t have made it this far without you, and I’m so excited to see what this next year brings!

Also, a side note: my birthday is next week, and I’m going to have dinner and cake with my parents tonight to celebrate a bit early. I’m excited about my birthday for the first time since before I got married. I’m happy with where I am and with my life. My mother pointed out that she hadn’t heard me say that I was happy in years.

Sorry for this hella long rant, but I appreciate you reading it.

Much love to you all, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night!!

💕 Kiko