#and i mean long

[brookheimer]

i feel very mixed on shiv's ending, particularly her choice to return to tom -- i think it makes sense from a thematic/character arc perspective and is a powerful yet devastating indictment of both shiv and the world that created her as well as showing that the cycle of abuse will always continue to cycle, that shiv will become her mother etc, but i also think it does not make sense from a character/internal logic perspective. it's a choice that makes sense from the writers, but not from shiv, not yet. it could've been a brilliant ending to her character, but is tainted for me by the less-than-ideal execution of it, which felt very rushed, making shiv's final submission to tom feel forced by the show rather than forced by the situation or honest to her character. the ending is not inherently misogynistic from the writers' side as i've seen some criticisms claim (it is a dark but real portrayal of misogyny within capitalist society and how it's internalized within the white women who end up at the hips of the CEOs who run it), but i do understand how it could feel that way. the show fails at building up to (and thus convincing us) that the version of shiv we currently know would so immediately subject herself to her mother's fate, so instead of it feeling like shiv's hand was forced by patriarchy to place herself into her worst nightmare, it instead feels like the show itself was the thing that forced shiv to take that route, which does leave a sour taste in the mouth. it doesn't feel like the result of a choice shiv would make or the impact of patriarchal society bearing down, it just feels rushed and thus wrong. shiv would've benefitted immensely from a few more episodes or even just a few scenes dedicated to teasing out her newfound willingness to subject herself to immense disrespect in order to remain close to power, but given that her entire character has always been defined by her inability to do just that unless forced to (which i don't think she was in this situation as she could've easily not waited in the car for tom, not put her hand in his, but she did), her return to tom feels hard to comprehend, and her near immediate submission to him hard to stomach.

(read more under the cut because jesus christ did this get long)

in my mind, at least, i've always understood shiv as being respect-driven rather than power-driven -- she wants power, yes, but more than anything she wants to be taken seriously and respected and seen as a legitimate player, and time and time again we've seen her blow up situations that would've been very advantageous long-term because she felt disrespected and needed to speak up and force people to take her seriously (which, ironically, typically results in the opposite). shiv's overarching goal is power, but her immediate necessity is always respect. her dignity is her number one priority at any given moment, even when it shouldn't be, even when it stops her from attaining the success and power she wants. i can kind of understand shiv going against kendall because of this -- she's always had a very, very narrow lens whenever she feels like she's being disrespected, and even though it is infinitely more humiliating for your (somewhat ex) husband to betray you and boot you out of the CEO position behind your back at the behest of your supposed closest ally (and for you to still vote for them after that!!!) than it is for you to magnanimously allow your brother to be CEO (which would publicly be seen as a choice, as telly etc said - sibs need to stand united behind one chosen CEO - rather than shiv being out of the loop and fucked to infinity), the narrowness of her vision upon seeing kendall about to win makes it impossible for her to think about that legitimately. it's not just jealousy, it's indignity: shiv feels she earned CEO through her machinations with mattson and feels genuinely sick seeing the loganified kendall grinning at the head of the table, hearing his "that's fucking right" and witnessing his cocky entitlement to the job that belonged to her. so, she does what she always does when she feels disrespected, when she feels her dignity is at stake, and impulsively blows everything to fuck, including her own best interests. that makes sense for shiv, at least somewhat -- i still think that as much as she wouldn't want ken as CEO she'd feel like at least w that outcome she'd be seen as a player and a deciding factor, whereas with mattson/tom she'd be viewed as a pathetic fucked-over nothing woman pawn etc (a situation of unparalleled indignity imo), but i can rationalize her choice to go against ken anyways as being part of the narrowed field of vision she always gets upon feeling disrespected by men in her life that makes it impossible for her to think strategically (and i guess even though the disrespect was greater and more humiliating from tom/mattson than ken, ken was the most recent most present and most lifelong source so that's all she could focus on; seeing him like logan was too much to bear). it's hard to imagine shiv publicly throwing her vote behind two men who publicly fucked her as humiliatingly as mattson and tom just did, even if the other option is kendall, but i think that's part of it -- it's fundamentally illogical, even from her disrespect-lens, because there's just something about kendall specifically being in charge that she's never been able to stomach. it's visceral and impulsive. it's not meant to make "sense." it's just what she feels she has to do to preserve her own dignity, even though it works directly against those same interests realistically. it wasn't executed very well, making it hard to entirely buy it given just how publicly humiliating the alternative is, but it can still be chalked up to her historically one-track-mind when it comes to indignity by the hands of kendall in particular. it's a last-ditch attempt for shiv to at least feel like she's maintaining her dignity, her self-respect, as counterintuitive as it actually is. it makes sense. i can stomach it.

again, shiv's fatal flaw (in logan's eyes and aside from her original sin of being a woman) has always, always been her inability to shut up and make the smart move in situations where she feels she's being disrespected or not taken seriously. if shiv stayed quiet during that dinner with the pierces, maybe she would've been logan's CEO, but no, she couldn't stop herself, she needed to feel she was being taken seriously, she burst out 'cmon, dad, just tell them it's going to be me.' she is unable to play it smart, to keep quiet, to win when winning means perceived disrespect. she's allergic to it. even on a personal level, she shoots herself in the foot constantly because of this: she is unable to let herself have the things she wants because she can't put herself in positions that open her up to disrespect and perceived inferiority. she can't be vulnerable because she needs to be respected. tom asks her if he could 'try to make love to her' in episode one of this season, and even though she clearly wants to, she says 'no, i don't think so, tom.' tom tells her he 'wants her, wants this' back in episode six, and even though she clearly wants that too, she draws back and says 'well then you shouldn't have betrayed me.' shiv is fundamentally incapable of allowing herself to remain in possibly advantageous situations when she feels at risk of being seen as lesser, of being disrespected, of being perceived as weak. that is her response to patriarchy. when patriarchal forces bear down, shiv is unable to grin and bare it -- she has a short fuse, a sharp tongue, and an inability to entertain even a second of being treated like The Woman, of being looked down upon, especially when it's for her gender. it's the one thing she cannot do, cannot let herself do, and it's why she fails to "win" over and over and over again. she shoots herself in the foot the second her patriarchy disrespect sensors tingle. she makes the wrong choice, the dumb choice, the one that makes her feel like she stood up for herself in the moment but ends up leaving her powerless and helpless in the end. that's the only explanation for why she chose to vote against kendall (the clearly better option for her long-term as she'd 1) be respected as part of the decision, as someone who helped choose the CEO rather than a Woman who got fucked over and had the door slammed in her face by her husband and close ally simply because she possessed a womb, and 2) probably be head of ATN or some other area of waystar, she'd have actual power within the company and be respected as a legitimate source of power rather than the CEO-to-be made CEO's humiliated wife -- if she was capable of making the smart, selfish choice in terms of power instead of having a hair-trigger reaction to gendered disrespect and cocky male superiority, she would have voted kendall. but she is not capable of doing that. she never has been. so she voted tom and mattson.

so what i still cannot for the life of me understand is what would compel this shiv, the one who cannot stomach indignity even when power's on the line, to immediately return to tom's side the second he beckons her, which is like five minutes after he becomes CEO (the job she was promised) by mattson (who gave it to tom instead of shiv because 'why get the baby lady if i can get the man who put the baby inside her?'). it makes perfect, cruel, devastating sense from a show perspective, and that's what most people are talking about, understandably. it's a devastating yet unavoidable, inevitable outcome. she's left with no other choice once she makes the decision against kendall, and patriarchy compels her to play the good wife to stay close to power. except, like... she does still have a choice. she does not have to go back to tom's car. she does not have to sit patiently waiting for him. she does not have to quietly congratulate him on his victory. she does not have to place her hand in his. these are all choices she made very voluntary. they're choices between maintaining her dignity and self-respect at the cost of future power versus maintaining the potential for future power at the cost of her dignity and self-respect -- the classic siobhan roy conundrum. she's been faced with it time and time again (even just five minutes prior with kendall) and she has never, not once, chosen the latter of her own volition. she hasn't been able to. that's her fatal flaw. maybe i could stomach her going back to tom if she didn't congratulate him, didn't place her hand in his when he expectantly held his out -- then some dignity would be preserved, maybe. but her complete and total submission for the sake of future power does not make sense with her lifelong inability to do just that. it makes sense that this would be her eventual endpoint, but we have seen nothing that implies shiv would so willingly subject herself to this feminine submission of wife and mother before person or source of power, to the complete and utter humiliation of being the quiet wife at the side of the man who knifed her in the back (and notably handed said knife by the man she thought her closest ally) in order to steal the job she fought for her entire life and, in her opinion, had earned. maybe she would come back to him eventually, for love or (more likely) for power, but it is incredibly hard to believe that shiv 'impulsive when faced with indignity' roy would be capable of immediately and publicly playing the role of the good wife after such intense and public humiliation at the hands of her husband.

really, the way i feel about the shiv ending is similar to how i feel about the daenerys ending -- unlike most people, i really wasn't that against the daenerys outcome. i thought it made a lot of sense and was interesting, devastating, and fascinating. i thought there had been a few signs all along and that that ending for her would make sense and be far more interesting than a Hooray ! Girlboss ! ending. however, it was poorly executed -- it was rushed. it did not make sense from where daenerys was at that point in the text. it could've worked, it could've worked brilliantly, but it needed more time to build and fester in order for her ultimate turn to feel earned rather than forced for the sake of the point the writers wanted to make. that's kind of how i feel about shiv. i get the ending and i don't think it's inherently bad or misogynistic or anything, but it feels like the writers saw the possibility for a shiv 'mommed' ending and immediately took it, with little regard to what actually made sense for shiv herself to do in that moment. outcome > character. that's frustrating for me particularly for succession because my like number one reason for adoring succession as much as i do is their consistent refusal to operate the way most media does (using the characters as instruments to achieve the plot/outcome the writers want), instead prioritizing following the characters themselves in a way that feels honest and real. it's character-driven, not plot or ending driven. i think that this fell by the wayside a few times in the latter half of this season simply because there was so much that needed to happen in such a short space of time (especially during the finale), but in my opinion, at least, the most egregious case is shiv. given more time, more development, more build-up, the last shot of her hand in tom's would've struck the chord the writers wanted it to -- and for some people, it did anyways! but for me, it rang out and fell nauseatingly flat. it felt hollow and wrong and unearned. shiv could end up becoming her mother, that feels entirely possible, but not in this particular sense, not yet. in what world would siobhan roy willingly choose to be seen as nothing more than a woman hanging off her husband's arm, especially when said husband had publicly humiliated her and ruined her entire life just five minutes prior? when, just five (metaphorical) minutes prior, she was the one poised to be CEO and everyone knew it? when now everyone will see her on tom's arm and whisper and gawk? she has become her worst fear, yes, but unlike kendall, it does not feel earned. it does not feel like she has actually become her worst fear. it feels like the show forced her to. not patriarchy or the situation or her own desire for power, but the show itself. that's what feels so shitty.

i wouldn't necessarily call the writing misogynistic as a result of this, as it's less a flaw of misogyny and more a flaw of bad, rushed writing that could happen to any character. it's the same as with daenerys -- although (somewhat unlike succession) there were many, many aspects of GoT's writing that were deeply misogynistic, especially in the last season (just look at fucking brienne), the core issue with the daenerys plotline is not one of misogyny but of time. they did not give daenerys the time needed to become the version of herself seen burning down the city. that could've easily been a focus of previous episodes, but it wasn't. they simply did not develop her enough for that turn to make sense yet. it could make sense, hypothetically, at some point down the line, but at that point it felt sudden, off-putting, and wrong. shiv could easily become her mother. that's been made evident especially regarding her relationship to pregnancy/children, love, and vulnerability (or the lack thereof). but for this ending to make sense, we would have needed to see signs of shiv imitating her mother's willingness to be relegated to the sidelines, to bring out the food while the men eat and make deals, in order to remain tangential to power. that is a concession shiv roy had never been willing to make prior to the last five minutes of the entire show. other signs of shiv imitating caroline or falling prey to patriarchal norms throughout the show are not enough to undo shiv's fundamental refusal to weather gender-related indignity even when doing so would benefit her. in my opinion, that's why the final five minutes of shiv's plotline were so unsatisfying.

shiv could become her mother, and her ending could be a devastating portrayal of the inability for even rich white women to escape their original sin of being a woman in a man's world, as well as a dark, ironic criticism of both women like shiv and the patriarchal world that breeds them into existence. but because the show did not develop shiv in this particular direction and because her entire character thus far has been defined by her self-destructive insistence on being respected at all costs, shiv's ending did not land the way it could've, or should've.

[spacedustmantis]

so... episode 73, huh?

I've been having a lot of thoughts about gillion and his approach to emotions, and it's all been kickstarted by the last episode

(spoilers for the just roll with it riptide campaign up to ep. 73 below, also discussions of multiple not so nice topics, such as self-hatred, lack of parental figures / abandonment, atlas personality, physical and emotional abuse, isolation, neglect and indoctrination. be safe.

also i am very aware that most of what I'm gonna say is not necessarily new to a lot of people and it's by no means a revelation, this is supposed to be more of a getting-my-thoughts-in-order kind of post. I don't really have a structure planned for this one, so get ready for a lot of rambling and don't expect a conclusion or anything of the sorts

also every english teacher on earth is gonna hate me for this, but I'm not providing any context. this analysis is not gonna do you any good if you aren't familiar with the rough plot of riptide. I'll do my best to make it clear which scenes I'm referencing in case you want to watch / listen to them to refresh.)

basically this whole thing started bc I thought that gillion was behaving quite strangely this episode (ep 73). of course, considering his situation (everything he's learned about his "purpose" in the episodes before the feywild, being in a phase of change and finding himself etc.) and the catalyst being the kidnapping of pretzel, it's not surprising to see him act differently, but what threw me off was that he was hugely inconsistent in his behavior.

now if I wasn't aware that charlie is an absolute improv and acting genius, I might have waved this off as the player being unsure of the best approach, but charlie doesn't only know how to be in character, he also knows said character impossibly well. he's proven again and again that he understands gillion's situation and the effects of his life on him to a tee.

and so I took a closer look at the inconsistencies to figure out a pattern. surprise, surprise! I did!

most instances I found have to do with his projected intent and mood, and his actual intent and mood.

after pretzel got kidnapped, gillion took an oath of vengeance and, very in line with that oath, started acting scary, forward to the point of aggression and very, very angry.

yet despite his demeanor he does not resist when asked to cooperate by the staff (who as far as he knows works with the very people he suspects took pretzel), offers dirla his help with their stolen cub and shows genuine interest in helping everyone who's lost someone to the pig girl, and goes out of his way to save the pixie that fell off of the flying pug. and even though it might not come across that way because of the weird mix of behaviors, he still tries his best to be as polite and well-mannered as possible. these are all things that gillion would have done before, but now contrasted by this sinister act, that he seems to only half commit to, they feel weird.

one instance I wanted to highlight was the conversation he and jay had with the pixie in the big tent. here is where gillion gets really upfront and explicitly aggressive (even though his attempt at kidnapping failed) for the first time, and he immediately gets interrupted by a sudden outpour of emotions when the pixie tells him that her pet weasel is called peanutbutter. charlie tells us ooc that gillion broke out in tears because he saw himself in her. what that means is that he saw a person who clearly loved their pet a lot and gave them a food related name, and the resemblance to him and his own pet was enough to break through his normally very strong emotional barrier (we'll come back to this) In Front Of Other People!

this reaction could be due to the pixie and her weasel reminding him that he very much misses his own beloved pet, or because he gets hit with the realization that this pixie could also lose her pet, or, most likely, it's a mixture of both. normally both of these would act as a motivator to get going and fix things, but gillion instead just kinda falls down sobbing.

the way he talks to the pixie shortly after he broke down, also shows a weird juxtaposition between his tone of speaking, which is extremely childlike and sounds very vulnerable for once, and the words that he says (talk about murder and torture) which again ties into the previously established inconsistency.

all of this leads me to the most obvious hint at what is going on with gillion and why he behaves the way he behaves: the fact that he breaks down crying the second he's by himself. it's like a big, red, sparkly, blinking arrow that points us to the source of everything.

gillion is putting on a facade. one that crumbles the moment he is alone.

and sure this is pretty obvious - we've known that he isn't really one to be vulnerable - but the moment I actually sat down to think about what this facade would mean for gillion, all of the above listed inconsistencies (and more) started making perfect sense.

to understand we need to take a look at what we know about his upbringing.

what we know of course is the whole deal with being raised as a weapon for the elders, being taken from his family, his training etc. but we actually know shockingly little about his relationship to the elders and his day to day life. all we have are implications and speculations. however, even though not much has been confirmed, most things we learn about gillions childhood work together to create a picture and we can fill in the blanks with relative ease.

we aren't given a specific age that gillion was taken by the elders but we know that he was already in training by age eight (gillion's first secret in the meat room ep. 52) and I think it's safe to assume he was taken way earlier, seeing as the prophecy and the incidents surrounding his birth (allegedly) lined up perfectly and the elders would have been informed immediately, since the whole prophecy thing is a huge deal to them. (Edit: as of ep. 79 we know that he was taken at age five or younger)

we also know, thanks to the description of young gillion in ep. 72, that he was bruised and wearing "clothes and armor that's a little too big for him". so the elders clearly had no issue harming a small child (even if it was due to the training, you don't just hurt a kid like that) and the not-fitting clothes indicate serious neglect. even form-fitted armor would not have been a huge trouble for the elders, the literal highest authority in the undersea, to get.

the isolation from any friends or family (except edyn) gillion experienced while in training isn't even just implied, it's outright stated multiple times, most notably during the conversation with edyn in ep. 58, when she is talking about pretzel being intended to help with his loneliness. the elders even held control over how much he was allowed to see his sister and restricted the frequency more and more the older he got.

in that conversation gillion talks about how he was not the best student and had to take "extra lessons" (Edit: we now know that these extra lessons stem from the elders refusal to explain their expectations to gillion, ep. 77), and how he did not get much time (if any at all) for hobbies, which leads me to believe that any deviation from the intended path (such as misbehaving or interests in non chosen one stuff) was punished and beaten out of him, figuratively, or even literally.

the elders made gillion do stuff he did not want to do (also ep. 58, same conversation) (Edit: also ep. 75) and did not let him do stuff he did want to do, and still he holds an unwavering trust in them for a very long time even after he was exiled, a clear sign that his perception of the elders as rightful authority has been really deeply ingrained in his brain. not once would he question the elders since to him they are infallible.

and of course we are all quite familiar with the very core of gillion's story; the ideals instilled within him by years and years of influence by the elders and the prophecy: the very black-and-white view on morality, the "greater good" being much more important than his own life, the undersea being superior to any other faction and the clear correct choice once gillion's destiny rolls around, the idea that he carries all of the responsibility for literally every creature of the undersea and also every other person or creature (in that order of priority), the justification of murder (as long as they're "evil" of course) and the notion that he is only of any worth if he can be a weapon for someone to use, or a shield for someone to take refuge behind. (all of this is displayed in his behavioral patterns over the course of the campaign and I won't be digging out any scenes for you to go back to. if you aren't familiar with these patterns why are you here? /lh)

all of this paints a picture of abuse, neglect, isolation (and the distance from actual society that comes with it, which in turn results in easier manipulation), control and indoctrination, not to mention the absolute abandonment from his biological parents.

the amount of psychological issues that stem from this is enough to fill a whole book:

a lack of self-worth bordering on self-hatred and a very self-sacrificial nature, abandonment issues, an atlas personality (if you can't infer what that means through context clues, google it, it should be the very first result) and trauma from the elders' abuse.

the following part will only really talk about the last two, since they are the most relevant to how gillion approaches his emotions.

the whole facade that gillion puts on again and again is essentially one big trauma response. as many have already observed, gillion has two very strongly contrasting sides to him. one is his more "true" self which shows more and more as he stays with the riptide pirates. he starts finding joy in otherwise "useless" activities such as joking around and even pulling pranks (ep. 42), he stands up for himself instead of just others, and he begins very slowly and cautiously opening up to his friends.

certain situations (his friends being in danger, a village in need of saving, an insult to his honor) tend to trigger the other side of him (which used to be the only side that ever saw the light of day) to show: heroic, righteous, strong, but also closed off, self-sacrificial, and afraid of failure. part of this side, or this trauma response, is this facade. he falls back into old habits, habits that used to keep him alive: do the right thing even if it means the death of yourself or an enemy, if in doubt the undersea is superior, be on your best behavior, and whatever you do Do Not show weakness.

on top of all that comes the atlas thing, the idea that the world is resting on his shoulders and it's his job to fix everything.

so he restrains any show of emotions not just because back in the undersea that was dangerous, could get him in trouble, but just as importantly he was taught that his own emotions come last and being emotional could harm others. and it's his job to help everyone else no matter the cost.

and this explains pretty much all of gillions behavior this episode, especially if one considers that he is very emotionally affected by pretzels disappearance, which means that it is much harder for him to keep up the act. the mix of threatening and weirdly polite, his oath to get vengeance and yet not hurting anyone who might have been involved with the kidnapping, the stark contrast between cornering the pixie and collapsing on top of her sobbing, are all a result of all of his different pre-established patterns and systems of how to function clashing, and so of course it's a mess. he's angry at the pig-girl, rightfully so, but that also triggers the anger towards the entire world he's in that isn't intrinsic but has been instilled in him by the elders. he wants to be threatening but his instincts tell him to be well-behaved. he feels like he cannot let anyone see how he's actually feeling but he's so strung up that it only takes the name of the pet of a stranger to make him cry. and he expresses the most amount of emotion he probably ever has in front of others while talking about harming and killing people.

even the very fact that he made the oath of vengeance points us to his childhood; the moment something happens which he does not know how to solve otherwise, something that he cannot deal with in the same way he deals with other things, he makes an oath, or a deal, or a bargain. it's a pattern that's wormed it's way through the entire campaign ever since his talk with niklaus hendrix (ep. 8) and found it's beginning in his original paladin oath, one he took due to the conditioning and expectations of the elders. (my theory is that he finds something comforting in making a deal with someone higher up in the food chain than him. fucking freak.)

another interesting aspect to look at under this new light is his initial reaction to finding pretzels bowl empty. first thing he does is scream. multiple times. to me that is a very clear very vulnerable expression of emotion. and then - he does nothing. until he's prompted to break the mirror by jay. and it's only until after that plan fails that gillion starts his whole vengeance spiel, which we now know is most likely an attempt at fixing things the way he should as instructed by the elders. in that short period of time before that he is aimless. he's just gillion and he lost his pet and he doesn't know what to do. in that moment his initial reaction is utter despair, pure emotion, and once he had time to gather himself that's when he doesn't see any other way than to do something painfully familiar. and with that also comes the whole barrage of old behavioral patterns that lead to him acting the way he does.

so that's this episode, but of course, similar, less obvious cases are sprinkled all throughout the campaign.

the one that immediately comes to mind is the fight for honor between him and chip (ep. 15), where the moment his honor is wounded, he opts for a fight to the death, even though at this point he already considers chip his friend.

or in ep. 8, insisting on a fight with niklaus and even going for a second round after getting downed by niklaus in one hit, and then accepting a deal that he knows is bad news, all because it would save the mayor and his daughter (because, quick refresher, they could have just let the mayor die and that would have lifted the curse). and "what is one more burden" right?

or the fact that he still sees having fun with his friends as an actual literal sin!! (ep. 71)

or letting jay down him willingly, even removing his armor (ep. 53)

and so on and so forth. there's probably a lot of subtle one-liners or passing ooc remarks, that I can't remember, but you get the gist.

the gist being that gillion grew up not being gillion, but The Chosen One instead. and now that he has the freedom to be both, there are some really messy consequences, and it's actually incredible what a grip charlie has on all of these layers and behaviors and I get more and more fascinated by him the deeper I dig.

we have not even touched certain aspects of gillion's character and journey, there's his fish out of water issue, very subtle hints that he might have been suicidal at one point, not to mention what his banishment from the undersea did to him. but all of that is another conversation entirely.

anyway! I hope you enjoyed this very all over the place, rambly analysis post, even though there's not many new thoughts or revelations in here and I basically winged it! the moment I started this train of thought on saturday I just couldn't get to rest until I put this whole thing together.

now I finally know peace.

can't wait for the next episode on friday to disprove all of what I said

(also please feel free to add onto this, tell me how I got it wrong, derail the post etc. I love reading other people's thoughts on stuff I say)

(@wrinklemcdinkle

@snails-in-spaceships

@keenscribbles

@poly-pirates-my-beloved

@enby-ralsei

@littlefoxwithbighat

@burning-sol)

[mango-fizz]

ALL of My Splatoon Agents Headcanons! lets gooo 💫 this will be VERY long akdhjsdhs sorry grab a cup of tea or something.

Agent 3 (Captain): They/Them, Lofted Bed with Desk underneath

Three doesn't talk very often, only when it's absolutely necessary. In Alterna, Marie mentions that they're too shy to really speak out loud, so she speaks for them, and I read once that selective muteness is a sort of extreme anxiety response. They don't really talk to strangers or people they're not very close to, for instance Neo 3, Off the Hook, or Deep Cut lmao. They definitely talk openly with the Squid Sisters and 4 and 8 (and of course, Gramps), but will usually prefer not to if it's not necessary.

They're super badass and responsible, always getting things done in an efficient manner and doing their best with every mission. I mean, how else do you think they became Captain, right? But they also might be a little insecure, a little anxious. Yes they do their best in missions, but that's because they desperately want to be useful, because they're worried something might go wrong, things like that. They even drop out of school to be an Agent full-time (again, Captain)

In regards to the other Agents, they're kind of stern and aloof, but more in like the tired oldest sibling kind of way. Don't eat that, don't go there, you'll catch a cold, etc, taking care of the newer recruits. They picked this up from Callie and Marie, who did the same for them when they first joined. Neo 3's reckless tendencies remind them of their younger self.

Now, I mention all of this in my fics, so I'll keep it brief. Three is reckless, always pushing themselves even when they shouldn't and regularly forgetting to take care of themselves (thats when they were younger, they're definitely better about it now). They carry a sort of guilt, a sort of anxiety, about the events of Splatoon 2, and I mean both of them. They feel bad for almost killing Eight like twice, even if the second time wasn't really their fault, and they feel bad for not helping Callie when she needed it, which is also not their fault. But, you see, Callie and Marie are their older sisters. Their family. A precious part of their life that they were lucky enough to obtain when they previously had nothing. So, yeah, I guess they feel a certain type of way about what happened.

Oh, also! Sanitization scar, yeah its there, maybe not as big as everyone else draws it but it's definitely there sjfhsjdhs on their forehead splitting their right eyebrow, it's a bit like a cut. It's covered by their Captain hat now, but even then the teal green has definitely dulled over the years. Now it's just a grim reminder and nothing more.

Three used to live alone in an apartment in Inkopolis that the Squid Sisters had generously offered them. Living alone is difficult. Thankfully, Four and Eight arrived, and now they're all roommates :)

Three is, again, a bit aloof n shit, always trying to be responsible and cool, but the younger agents are experts at cracking that facade. Three is actually super soft for them!! They definitely make jokes and snort at things Four says. Hums along with songs Eight listens to and compliments her poetry.

Three thinks they're a bit annoying, Four particularly, but they also always always always help them when they're sad, or hurt (not that it happens often, they're all capable agents after all). That's what older siblings are for, after all. Isn't that great? Three has 4 siblings now! And a gramps! I'm so happy for them.

I tried to keep this short but basically all my Agent 3/Captain feelings can be found in these two fics. I poured my heart and soul into them! [Family] [Home]

DJ Sango. I don't know what to make of DJ Sango but I'm eagerly awaiting the Squid Sisters collab. Agent 3 is the secret third Squid Sister, after all.

Agent 4: She/Her, Top Bunk

I feel like Four is more…… outgoing? She's the youngest and the shortest. She's the baby. She gets Eight to do stupid shit with her and then they both get (very fondly) lectured by Three. Sometimes she convinces Three to join in and then they all get lectured by Marie instead lmao. She's kinda……. like a gremlin. A Creature. She does her best :) She's trying so hard. She's very energetic. I think she would do her best to make Eight feel welcome and comfortable and make sure that she's having fun :))

Four didn't really understand, at first. I mean, what she went through doesn't even compare to what happened in the metro, yknow? She's definitely the most, how do i say, optimistic? She usually is the one who has to do most of the comforting, but she doesn't mind. Sometimes Eight has a nightmare, and Three and Four have to comfort her. Sometimes Three needs help with their head injury, so Four and Eight have to take care of them, and that's okay.

She likes helping people, and cheering them up. That's why she helped Marie in the first place, right? She just looked so sad in the corner of the Square... Four is happy that she was able to help :) Truly, they all appreciate it more than she knows. And of course, Four is besties with Callie and Marie. Four and Callie can match each other's energy easily sjfhsjdhsj and... she was there for Marie during her lowest point so... she's very grateful :)

In the time after getting Callie back, sometimes she would go and check up on them. It's not her responsibility, she's already done more than Marie could ever repay, but she cares about them, and... it's not like she has anywhere else to go.

She comes from the countryside canonically, and also didn't know who the Squid Sisters were, but for some reason I see her as being very streetsmart and things like that. Maybe she didn't know who the Squid Sisters were before, but she definitely does now, and bonds with Eight over their love for the idols.

A bit after they all moved in with Three, Marie made Four and Eight go back to school, bummer. (This matters to no one else but me, but the high school Four and Eight go to is the same high school Callie and Marie went to.)

Four is a natural athlete, but a bit of a troublemaker. After school she likes to go play turf and do a few Grizzco shifts. Imagine her surprise when she finds out about Mr. Grizz 💀

Four is very physically affectionate, always hugging or otherwise touching the other agents. Shoving, poking, patting, punching, holding, bonking, you name it. I've definitely projected that onto the agents lmao. I'm pretty sure I've made them bonk heads with each other as a form of affection like three times now.

If Four doesn't show up in Side Order, you'll never hear from me again on account of my spontaneous combustion.

Agent 8: She/Her, Bottom Bunk.

I feel like Eight would be generally more curious/nervous about everything since, I mean, she just got to the surface yknow? (also amnesia I think.??). Also, she doesn't know inkling very well, but that's okay, she's learning! Marina helps her :)  (when Marina is busy, Shiver fills in 🤫) But, maybe by Splatoon 3 she's good enough at it that she doesn't need lessons anymore. I mean, it has been 5 years. Okay look I just want an excuse for all the Octolings to interact with each other is that too much to ask? But that's a bit difficult because Marina and Eight have more in common with their upbringing than Shiver, but that's a topic for another day.

Eight is just happy to be here!! She is incredibly strong, agile, and good with any weapon :) Think of Yor Forger. Very strong, sometimes without realizing it. A little clueless, a little silly. Red and black color scheme. As a result of this I think she would try to be very very gentle as much as possible, but she still enjoys playfully roughhousing with the other agents. She also makes a lot of goofy facial expressions. You'd think this would be Four, but no, it's her ksfhhfsdkfjh

So... the metro. Right. I think... Eight carries a sort of sadness with her. At least at first, right? It's... tough. Having to adjust to everything, losing your memory, coping with The Horrors tm. That's why she'll always be grateful to Off the Hook for offering her a place to stay at the Houzuki mansion during her first days in Inkopolis. Marina's been there, so she offers much comfort. Pearl also does her best to make her feel welcome and safe, like she did with Rina. Eventually she does go move in with Three and Four though because... because I said so ksfhjkfjhf

Eight is afraid of blenders. Autobombs.

It took a while for Three and Eight to really become... what's the word I'm looking for. Stable? I mentioned Three carrying unnecessary guilt. Eight doesn't hold it against them, of course not. But, I mean, have you seen that shit? I never played Inner Agent 3 but just watching a video of it has me awake at night dude that shit is scary as fuck. Three splashdowns in a row? Dear god. Anyway, they made up and it's chill now so it's fine. Still no blenders though.

Eight loves Off the Hook, and she loves the Squid Sisters. Calamari Inkantation and all that. Wait til she hears the banger of the century Ink Me Up dude that shit goes insanely hard. Actually, wouldn't it be so fucking funny if Eight came up one day like "Guys, I'm so obsessed with this song by a group from the Splatlands, they're called Deep Cut!" and then when Deep Cut show up as Marie's new employees she's like holy shit.

She goes to school with Four and it's the most fun she's ever had in her life (that she can remember), she doesn't understand why Four hates it so much. She's also obviously very naturally athletic, but she enjoys the arts and literature a lot more. Because she writes poetry lol 🤓

She's happy to stay an agent, I think. Maybe not on the front lines like Captain and the Squid Sisters are, but she's available as backup should she ever be needed. She wants to focus on her new life on the surface with her wonderful new family. She doesn't even remember if she had any parents, let alone friends. But now, she has all these people who care about and support her. For that, she would claw her way out of the Metro a hundred times over again. She loves them.

........So, Side Order, huh? Hehehehehe.

Damn. That's crazy.

Neo 3: They/Them, Living Arrangement Unknown

I think Neo being a gen Z kid is the funniest shit ever.

They're the hardest to think up a personality for, I don't really know what to make of them. I think they would be kind of epic, yknow? 🗿  They have no idea who any of these people are or what is happening, how did they even get into this mess bruh. Well, at least they get to hang out with Deep Cut so thats a plus. I think Neo and Four would get along the best, they both kinda have that chaotic energy, I feel. I would say Neo is like halfway between Captain and Four, personality-wise.

There's like,,,, a very vague botw Link vibe going on with them. Not sure though. I mean, look, they hang out in the desert and also have a salmonid for a pet. Like, what's goin on with all that.

They're generally very chill about everything that happened in Alterna (existentialism aside.)

"Why didn't I tell you that I went to space? Dunno. You never asked. 'S whatever. Yo, wanna see Little Buddy do a trick?"

~*~

I am holding you at knifepoint to watch this person's channel, because they deadass rearranged my entire brain chemistry (here is their twitter).

And also, this person's channel, because I greatly enjoy their agents content and it makes me giggle (here is their insta).

Both of these are important to understand how I came to characterize the Agents the way I do.

If you made it this far, I thank you profusely for reading!! These funny little guys mean a lot to me. Splatoon in general means a lot to me. Man. Damn. Fuck. I haven't even gotten into the Squid Sisters.

Anyway. Thank you so much. I hope you were at least entertained by my rambling and I hope you have a great rest of your day! I love you 💕

[cybergoth-damsel]

On one hand I think the way people talk about fanfiction and "cishet fujoshis" is often really dismissive. There are lot of really interesting things you can do when you're responding honestly to a piece of art without dressing it up as "inspired by" etc etc. A piece of media being an unsanctioned use of the characters therein does not intrinsically deny it value, even if it is assuming you're familiar with the characters and setting.

I also think people are too confident in their assertions that mlm pairings in these spaces are only consumed in an exploitative way by cishet women. I don't have statistics for you, but it feels too indulgent to presume that there haven't been cishet-appearing people exploring their own queerness through the proxies of fanfiction since the halcyon days of handprinted Spirk slashfic on sale at cons. You can't know someone is cishet just from how old or embarassing they are. Not every gay or gender non-conforming person is out here keysmashing, and we don't actually have anything to gain by attempting to police how that space handles gayness. Only the terminally online think that the biggest obstacle to gay rights are the "freaks on ao3" harming our optics.

ALL THAT BEING SAID...

The way fandom as a larger animating force always funnels popular stories into yaoi machines can make any mild mannered story-liker into the joker. Myself included.

I just hate the way we talk about it.

The modern internet is a sieve that elevates the most widely appealing "content" to the top - so even deliberately counter-culture stories eventually get kneaded into consumable bite-sized pieces. This informs the intake pipeline that people follow into fandom spaces, and then resurfaces as those people regurgitate those expectations in their own fan work. Over and over. It's Disco Elysium yaoi the whole way down.

The marriage of the internet and capitalism necessitates the fujoshi. She is their sparkling, bright-eyed child.

Even initially deviant forms of engaging with art must be broken down into camps and markets to be sold to and exploited. Make something that manages to be popular despite challenging the norms of its ecosystem and it will eventually be chewed until it is no longer challenging. I genuinely think a similar method of consumption would emerge even if you thanos snapped everyone who knows the word.

I just think it's stupid to pretend that "cishet white women" are to blame for something that resembles similar regurgitation in every other consumer-oriented space. Are there annoying people claiming that Marvel's Avengers Boylove is owed the heritage and respect of ancient greek myth? Absolutely. So many. So so many. But as usual the annoying loud people are a distraction from a much more holistic problem. They're also often pretty vulnerable, so I dunno.

[aethergate]

2am over here to! give us the info dump ears open!!

gang!!! 2am gang!!! okay okay okay i'm sorry but YOU ASKED FOR THIS you shouldn't have gotten me started what if i'm crying over here. I'm currently at the part in the book where Palpatine is about to reveal himself as a sith lord and the novelization is just. so. sososososo good about it.. Palpatine has known Anakin since he was NINE, he's been "friends" with Anakin ever since he first arrived to be a Jedi, and Anakin literally considers him FAMILY. He says so himself.

And like. For some context to this situation, Anakin has been a slave his entire life until he got picked up by Qui-Gon to be trained as a Jedi. And even then, Jedi are more considered.. just that, Jedi, before they are people. They aren't allowed to own anything. So he's literally never owned anything in his whole entire life. And I don't know how much you know about Star Wars anon, but Palpatine makes me so fucking angry because like. He's been working to make an unstoppable killing machine for decades. And he sensed the force was so strong in Anakin and also sensed that he had a lot of mixed emotions. And literally the moment me met this nine year old child, he made it his personal goal to become his best friend who he could trust more then anything, so Anakin would tell him anything, so he could use it all against him to manipulate him into making him his own personal berserker who would kill anyone he asked. Since Anakin was nine. And as additional heart wrenching context, please keep in mind that like. Anakin had, not even a minute before this conversation, a full blown literal panic attack directly in front of Palpatine. And he hasn't eaten or slept for days, maybe even a full week, because his soul crushing anxiety and prophetic dreams about his wife dying have been keeping him from doing so. Which is literally manipulation 101, that someone is way easier to manipulate when they're sleep deprived.

And now I'm just gonna send a few silly little paragraphs I'm reading to just know how wild I'm going over here at 2:30 in the damn morning.

and the whole novelization is just as good as this i could go on for way more paragraphs i just!!!! EAUGH anakins entire everything just makes me want to cry everyone is doomed by the narrative in revenge of the sith and nothing makes me frown to myself more .

[hermas-mora]

Ok, hear me out, I don’t think Boethiah LITERALLY ate Trinimac and shat out Malacath. I know it’s a funny way to imagine it and also symbolic and whatnot, and who doesn’t love a little bit of one-on-one divine MMA? But I think that the idea could actually be more of a symbolic phrasing or metaphor of a historical event in ancient Tamriel that went unrecorded due to scholarly negligence, cataclysm, weathering of time, or some other reason so much of Tamriel’s history is so fucking spotty and vague.

(Loooooong justification under the break)

To elaborate on that idea, we know basically nothing about the specifics of how the Aldmer made their way through Tamriel, or where the Orcs specifically originate from besides the fact that they used to be Aldmer, and tend to hail from the northwestern mountain ranges of Tamriel (dragontail, wrothgar, etc). We know ayleids were settled all across central and southern Tamriel + high rock, and are maybe even tied to the falmer of the northeast, and they can all likewise be presumed Aldmer-descended (I’m too cowardly to try to touch the topic of the Dwemer’s origins, so I’m not counting them for now). On top of that we have the Velothi, Aldmer who specifically split off from all the others to follow their prophet, Veloth.

Based on the original “Boethiah ate Trinimac” myth, we already know the Aldmer clan who became the Orcs followed Trinimac, and were likely settled in the Wrothgar mountains or the surrounding ranges, and it can be assumed countless other Aldmer clans were doing the same under the guide of other gods and getting into fights over it.

Besides that, very little else is clearly stated or can be safely assumed about how the Aldmer colonizing Tamriel went down, so now I’m going to make wild assumptions to fill in the gaps. I think it’s likely that Aldmer went in waves over to Tamriel, instead of it being one big, unexplained mass migration. Considering just how culturally divided even the ancient mer cultures were from each other, it’s hard to think they all came from one monolithic culture fully developed and ready to define the society of an entire other continent after Aldmeris. I think the Aldmeri settlers who would become the defining mer cultures of Tamriel all touched down at different times, under their own cultural leaders (like Veloth), perhaps years of not centuries apart (with how undefined the merithic and 1st eras are, it’s not impossible for timescales that dramatic)

So walking across this rickety rope-bridge of assumptions and headcanon, let’s get back to the topic at hand. Boethiah voring Trinimac and shitting out Malacath. As I said, I don’t suppose that it’s a literal description of an event of gods clashing, but rather an allegory for a culture war between different Aldmer clans vying for land across Tamriel. We already know there was a Trinimac-worshiping clan presumably in the northwest mountains (I’m just gonna call them the “Wrothgari” since they aren’t orcs yet, for brevity), but where can we find a Boethiah-worshipping clan who could have been in the same area to wage war against them?

It’s widely understood that the Ayleids were a wildly diverse people in terms of theology and how they worshiped aedra and daedra seemingly indiscriminately within certain clans, so our Boethians who conquered the Wrothgari could easily have been some unnamed clan of Ayleids. But an unnamed and irrelevant Ayleid clan being the answer to my question is, like, really boring, why not go deeper? I propose that the Aldmer we’re actually looking for are the followers of the prophet Veloth as they made their pilgrimage across Tamriel. The Velothi are the only notable Aldmeri people who come to mind who 1: worship Boethiah (alongside Azura and Mephala), and 2: would have reason to be moving across the northern part of Tamriel, as they made their way to the promised land of Resdayn.

I think as Veloth and his followers were making their way through the mountains they encountered the Wrothgari, and in an act to display their righteousness, did battle against them to prove that might and cunning holds true power over pride and honor, and thus Veloth’s Boethiah holds superiority over the Wrothgari’s Trinimac. After the dust settled, the Velothi went back on the eastward path, their faith in their prophet and their gods emboldened by victory, while the surviving Wrothgari wept in their now ruined homes, before drying their eyes and forsaking Trinimac for his deception, and going to find a god who would guide them true, and thus they were taken in by Mauloch, who blessed them with stalwart figures and powerful visages to protect them forevermore from those who would seek to debase them again.

It also serves to mention that Trinimac being turned into a whole other god doesn’t make much sense considering he’s still avidly worshiped by other cultures, and the absolute Olympic mental gymnastics routines I’ve seen people do to explain this issue from the perspective of Trinimac = Malacath makes my convoluted history retcon look like 1st grade math.

Furthermore this theory gives more of a historical backing to why Malacath would be a corner of the Dunmer house of troubles, as he’s who their enemies would turn to when beaten by the superior guidance of The Good Daedra™️

It’s also absolutely worth noting that I do not have the patience to read through all the lore for these games and to find out what’s actually canon vs. what’s the ravings of former writers on long-lost forum sites that were taken and ran with by fans, so I have no idea if anything I’ve said is actually outright stated and redundant.

[wildbasil]

things haven't been great but i think they will be. eventually 🌻🌼🩷

[adyophene]

Husk's secret weapon

[miraclemaya]

this is problematic of me (joke) but i really enjoy the splashing of french into english speech or writing. just adds a pizzazz

[seenthisepisode]

no offence but the reason tumblr is “dying” is, well, yes, of course the cursed like/reblog ratio and the change in user behaviour (because of people being used to how instagram and tiktok work) BUT also the lack of weekly shows. i say it with my whole chest, they don't produce captivating and engaging stupid weekly tv shows anymore because streaming killed that so you have spikes of activity here when Something happens in general fandom or up to three days after a new season of whatever drops and then it's a wasteland. this is obviously an old woman yelling at a cloud missing supernatural and the vampire diaries and pretty little liars and all these other shows type of post but honestly give me back weekly tv shows where i have something to watch for 40 minutes almost every day of the week after work so then i can read and reblog it on tumblr give it back for the sake of my sanity

[endusviolence]

Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

[unbefreakinlivable]

Post divorce meeting

[luzity]

first vs last appearances

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

getting older can be so amazing? you get more familiar with yourself. learn tips & tricks for troubleshooting your own brain. trial & error helps you build routines that minimize discomfort, maximize reward. your preferences/interests don't get set in stone, but you do find out which ones are going to stay with you in the long-term, and which ones are fun but transient joys to appreciate in the moment.

you learn that the world is so much more complex than you were taught, and that that's okay, and that there's an endless supply of things you can learn or watch or experience or think about if you want to. if you're lucky, you loosen up, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. if you're lucky, you learn to recognize that negative inner voice, and whack it with a baseball bat until it hushes up. if you're lucky, you learn to treat yourself gently, not because you are fragile but because you are worthy of gentleness. (i hope you are lucky.)

and some things will change. some things will get better. some things will get good. and maybe you start to recover from the dehumanizing stress of childhood/education. maybe you learn the power of your own autonomy. maybe you learn how to walk away from bad situations (which is a superpower even if you don't realize it yet). and you get to choose your own clothes. and your own food. and which relationships to pursue! and what you do with your free time. and with your life (but don't worry you get to choose that gradually). and that's crazy! and sometimes scary. and extraordinarily, indescribably precious.

[tawaifeddiediaz]

you know what boils my blood.

over the last 2 weeks, i've seen countless patients walk into my urgent care center, symptomatic for so many things, refusing to get tested for covid and flu, citing that they don't want to knowingly bring it to their holiday tables. i had a patient tell me, verbatim, "i don't want to test for covid, because i don't want to be the asshole who brings it on a plane."

i understand that - i understand that holidays are times where people look forward to meeting loved ones that they might only see once a year, or where they get a break from the hectic back and forth of their lives.

but here's the thing - whether they get tested or not, they will bring whatever they have to their holiday tables. it's pure recklessness to know that you're sick, and walk into someone else's house spreading the disease.

today, january 2, i saw 91 patients, many of them who have tested positive for covid and flu. many of these patients are the same ones who didn't want testing 3 days ago, until their events were over, and now, they will have to reach out to everyone they know to let them know that they were positive because they were showing symptoms well before their event.

the next week or two? we're going to see many, many more, all people with symptoms that started around christmas. these are the only two viruses we test for rapidly in our office, but they are potent and can be fatal in many people.

so here's why i wrote this post, and maybe it's a little late, but - if you care about your loved ones, please get tested if you know you're sick. it doesn't have to be at a clinic if you don't want it to, because the over-the-counter tests work just fine too (if you test within 5-7 days of symptom onset). just...please don't try to run from the knowledge that you might have covid, because immunocompromised people, elderly people, people with co-morbidities like asthma, pregnancy, diabetes, etc...many of them may not recover. and they may not be sitting at your holiday table in the future because of it.

[ochibrochi]

🐣 ok we are so back………..