#and i realize FUCK my whole life is. Here i thought i was gonna break free after my diploma

[allyouzombies]

screaming myself hoarse til I pass out we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career your whereabouts!!!

[fictioninmyblood]

I Meant That Shit

Summary: N’Jadaka gets tired of waiting for Y/N to forgive him and come home, so he decides to let Killmonger bring her back, kicking and screaming if necessary.

Warnings: 18+, noncon/con, smut, D/s themes, Entitled and pissed Erik being devious. Shouldthere be a warning for angst?

A/N: This was supposed to be short, but here we are. Enjoy my sexually starved thoughts.

A/N: Also, idk if this needs to be said, but I write for my demographic - black females. This has been my disclaimer/notice.

A/N: My work is not to be plagiarized or reposted (on any site other than this) without my explicit consent and recognition.

After his reluctant rehabilitation, there weren't many things that brought out his killer instinct anymore. However, it seemed that lately, despite all the sparring, therapy, and meditation sessions, Erik couldn’t shake the urge to knock some sense into his girl Y/N. 

A few weeks prior when she told him she needed space and couldn’t stay in Wakanda and ignore her life anymore, he said some things. She took it the wrong way and told him they were over, as if.

When she first left, Erik was sure she’d break down and FaceTime him or use the kimoyo beads he taught her to use. She was always more vocal about missing him, so he just assumed she’d break down and restart their communication. Imagine his surprise when a whole two weeks rolled by without so much as a text, call, or video chat. He was desperate for anything from her, even a verbal lashing, but by the time a month came and went, he felt like a fiend going through withdrawal.

During week six, his excitement to finally lay his eyes on Y/N was quickly cut short when he realized she was still talking to his family even though he had been getting the silent treatment. That displeasing information lit him like a powder keg when he saw another man in Y/N’s background, getting dressed no less. T’Challa dragged him from Shuri’s lab ready to bust a gasket when his babygirl asked Shuri to go into a different room and his little cousin actually listened! His whole family was against him again it would seem.

When T’Challa got him back to his room, all he did was pace. It was ten full minutes of the king warily watching his cousin stew when M’Baku walked right into the line of fire as Erik turned to beat the shit out of his cousin. T’Challa easily dodged the current threat on his life as the giant grabbed Erik’s hands in one of his, quickly disarming him and making the pouting man even more enraged. 

“You all have been talking to her this whole time?” N’Jadaka roared.

“Just Shuri and I. She made us promise to let you figure it out for yourself, but you’ve been failing miserably cousin! Absolutely clueless!” T’Challa replied.

Erik struggled against M’Baku’s vice grip to no avail.

“No shit Sherlock. I’m gonna whoop yawls asses. M’Baku let me go.”

“Not until you promise to have a conversation with your mouth instead of your hands. I am not prepared to get involved in another war between you two.”

Erik took a few deep breaths. “Fine, I’m good.”

Once M’Baku was sure there would be no immediate violence he let go.

“You better start explaining real fucking soon T,” Erik spat, pointing an accusatory finger at T’Challa.

“Okay! Okay! Y/N is struggling to accept that you actually want her around long term!” T’Challa word-vomited.

If the prince wasn’t already enraged, the king and tribal chief would’ve laid out in hysterics at how N’Jadaka’s face screwed up. “How sway! How?!”

“From what Shuri has explained and I’ve gathered in my eavesdropping is that she thinks you only want to claim her without actually growing with her. Everything is on your terms, your way, in  your time. She’s been far more  patient than most would be with you so I can’t say she’s wrong.”

Erik jumped at T’Challa, scaring him and the big gorilla chief. “I oughta beat you up for keeping your mouth shut.”

“She and Shuri threatened me within an inch of my life and they scare me more than you. Besides, according to them, you can’t keep relying on us to figure out what’s going on in your relationship and I couldn’t find a valid disagreement.”

Erik nearly did slap T’Challa at the last sentiment.

“Aye aye!” M’Baku shouted, getting between the two yet again, “He is being truthful now. That counts eh? And if I may interject, I think you’re aiming your anger at the wrong person.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Erik said, deflating under the weight of that truth, “but his ass still bout to pay me back and I know just how.”

————-

A few hours later…

“You know, when I told you that you could pay me back with The Royal Talon Fighter, I didn’t expect you to tag along.”

“Who else was going to keep an eye on our Wakandan technology or keep you from murdering anyone in the vicinity of Y/N, especially any man?”

Erik rolled his eyes and huffed. “I guess.”

“Or Y/N from killing you for just showing up jealous despite being radio silent since long before she left Wakanda.”

“Alright alright! You made your point. Damn! Just drive the fancy metal.”

—

Erik was all confidence until the second they landed in Atlanta. Yeah, Killmonger was out for blood and was ready to bring their girl back kicking and screaming if necessary, but Erik N’Jadaka Stevens? He was a nervous fucking wreck.

T’Challa and M’Baku’s words really struck a nerve and he had nothing but time to stew over them on the ride to your family’s hometown ranch. Before he met you, Killmonger made all the decisions, kept him alive and ahead of the game, whatever game he was surviving at the moment. He lived like that for well over a decade when he met you, but you didn’t bat an eyelash at his swift mood swings, his bloodthirst, or his possessiveness, often putting him in place. You handled him with love and care, showing him how to become the softer version of himself without sacrificing your boundaries too much. He was quickly realizing that he sometimes pushed too hard, took too much, neglected your requirements. It was your stern patience, however, that was enough to allow you to become the first person to get him the person instead of him the killer to come out and communicate, interact, and live rather than survive. 

You did it for him a second time around when he came out of cryo too. He hadn’t told you anything about how he would go about his goals, opting just to disappear and execute so it was a surprise of a lifetime to wake up to your beautiful Y/E/C. After getting over his initial anger over you seeing the worst of him, you were the first person he responded to or let touch him during his recovery. Even going so far as not allowing the medical staff to redress his wounds if he was awake.

Only your touch soothed him, only your voice gave him peace. You made him less of a killing machine and more human again, made him want to address the tsunami of emotions and trauma that he lugged around. He didn’t want to jeopardize your willingness to be that for him but he recognized how you were always giving all you had just to receive an inch of progress from him. If that.

Unfortunately, all of his introspection and nervousness flew right out of the truck T’Challa had them in when he saw you walking up to your personal guesthouse with a man in tow. Killmonger immediately took the reins pushing him and his feelings down into the abyss, and leaping out of the car before T’Challa could come to a complete stop with his cousin calling after him.

“Y/N!” Killmonger shouted from the end of the long-ass driveway, rage evident in his voice.

Y/N was haphazardly trying to get her drunk cousin up the stairs while nervously dropping her keys when she heard Killmonger. She’s only encountered him a few times since meeting Erik, after the first time she brought him back to himself, he did his best to keep that part from her. It didn’t always work since any repressed feeling or issue the man had was poured into his alter ego, feeding his desire to be wild and untamed in his decision-making. So she knew he was out for blood with just the sound of her name.

She got the key in just as Killmonger got to the beginning of her walkway up to the house. As quickly as she could, she pulled her cousin in, slamming and locking the door in her partner’s face, leaving the beast to bang on her door and demand entrance.

“I’m not dealing with your bulldozing tactics Kill! You can come back when Erik is ready to face his fucking feelings and have an adult conversation!”

“If you know what’s good for you and that nigga in there, you better open this ghatdamn door Y/N!” He roared in response.

Y/N’s cousin couldn’t stop laughing, no matter how much she waved him off. Getting trashed 3 nights in a row after a bad breakup and crashing with his favorite cousin after hearing how she was hiding from both the world and the love of her life as well didn’t prepare him for seeing her so out of character. One second she was fleeing from the man, the next she was big and bad from behind a locked door in all her 5’5” glory. It was comical as hell to him.

“You know you look constipated when you cuss? Like that stick in your ass is fighting every syllable.” He said, immediately dying in another fit of laughter at his analogy.

“Who the fuck is that in there with you, Y/N, and don’t fucking lie!”

“The next man. Nice to meet you. You must be the ex.” her cousin shouted out in a drunken slur to Y/N’s horror.

Yeah, she knew she wasn’t in the wrong, and there was no reason to defend herself against this man, but she knew not to press certain buttons once Kill made an appearance. Her cousin, unfortunately, had no discernment to see that he had just pressed the biggest red button Kill had when it came to her.

Y/N watched the myriad of emotions that crossed Erik’s face through the peephole, praying to every ancestor and display of the creator she could think of that this man wasn’t going to go full psycho-killer on them both. The last thing she needed was him taking several steps back in his healing just to unnecessarily add another scar, maybe 2 with how pissed he looked. 

Y/N turned back to her cousin, ready to kill him for putting her in even hotter water, only to find that nigga was sleep, leaving Y/N to deal with the consequences on her own. 

As soon as she had that thought her ears piqued, taking in how silent it had gotten. All she could hear was the crunch of gravel as T’Challa finally pulled in and got out. When she peeked outside the peephole again, she was met with a confused T’Challa looking for Erik.

A chill ran up her spine and her blood ran cold as she slowly turned to her current worst fear; Killmonger pissed as hell, staring her down with a knife to her cousin’s throat.

“Give me one good reason not to paint your brand new carpet with this nigga’s blood Y/F/N then fuck you on the new color.”

Putting her hands up in a placating manner, Y/N slowly inched towards Kill, stopping when he dug the knife just slightly deeper, exposing a thin line of blood, as her cousin slept unawares.

Donning a submissive voice as if she was talking to a wild animal, “Erik, baby calm down.”

“Don’t baby calm down me! You out here giving other niggas what’s mine? Mine Y/N!”

“That’s not–”

“Don’t tell me that’s not what’s going on when you’ve been M.I.Fucking.A. for weeks! And the first thing I see both on video chat and in person is you with some random?! I’ll murder every nigga to ever touch you, keep tryna play me.”

“Nobody’s playing you Daka, look closer, you know him. I promise I haven’t been stepping out on you.” Y/N continued on, internally rolling her eyes at the toddler temper tantrum she had to placate this nigga out of. “My stupidly in love, trying to escape his own heartache, and loves drama when drunk cousin that you have met several times was just egging you on.”

Kill looked closer to the man’s face and released the filter of rage clouding his judgment, upon closer inspection he realized they’d met at several of the many family gatherings he’d attended with Y/N/N. Slowly easing the knife from her cousin’s throat, Erik struggled to fight back tears at his behavior. He was proving he wasn’t good enough for her, he hadn’t actually changed all that much. Kill took the reins once again, unwilling to let him process his feelings of abandonment and betrayal just yet. Rushing towards Y/N, he laid the knife flat on the side of her face, taking up residence on the other side.

Biting a huge hickey along her jawline, before grasping her earlobe in between his teeth, Killmonger growled, “So if you ain’t been fucking him, who you been fucking?”

Although Y/N knew she logically had nothing to feel guilty about, how he was questioning her made her want to lie down and worship him as an apology regardless. She took a deep breath to center herself, understanding that any sign of nervousness would be taken as an omission of guilt.

Y/N ran her hands up his arms and over his shoulder blades to hold his face in her palms. He reluctantly released her earlobe to allow her to face him, naturally allowing the blade to rest against her neck ever so gently.

“N’Jadaka. Erik, baby? Look at me, I have been trying to live without you miserably for the last few weeks. I’ve only been going out since Y/C/N got here and I have to beg for breaks because I’m basically his chaperone. You believe me don’t you?”

Erik looked at her with suspicion clouding his eyes. He dropped the knife and held her throat in his hands, squeezing just tight enough to hint to either pleasure or pain, pushing her against the front door.

“Ion know. Why should I?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Y/N took a chance and palmed his face, caressing his cheekbone with her thumb. “Cause you know that no matter how much you stress me out, isolate yourself from me, or threaten anyone who seems to have more access to me than you, that I love your crazy ass.”

Erik squeezed a little tighter, not enough to hurt her but enough to reassert his dominance. Y/N put a hand over his, doing her best to ground herself in the feeling of his hands rather than how much she wanted to cum from the pressure of them.”

“Sorry,” Y/N squeaked out, “I love every version of you, no matter how threatening any of them may be and I physically can’t stand to have anyone else touch me the way I let you touch me.”

“Say it again.”

“I love you?”

“Nah, princess, the other part.”

“No matter how threatening-” she started, but was cut off by the growl emanating from Erik’s chest and the pulsing release and pressure of him allowing her small gasps of air. “You know what I mean Y/N, don’t test me lil mama.”

Erik held his squeeze on her neck, tilting it ever so slightly to lick the side of her face and hold her earlobe between his teeth, tugging.

Y/N couldn’t hold back the guttural moan if she tried. Just barely keeping her eyes from rolling back and donning her sweetest sub voice, she said, “I physically can’t stand to have anyone else touch me the way I let you touch me big daddy. It literally makes me nauseous.”

Erik released her ear with a wet snap against her face, “It does?”

Y/N hummed and nodded her head as best she could in her current predicament.

Killmonger covered the forgiving face Erik started to make, replacing it with one of his stern, unyielding looks. “Then why you leave me and give me the silent treatment for weeks?”

Y/N whined at the tightening of his hands, closing her eyes to savor the pleasure only he could illicit lighting her body on fire.

Erik bit her bottom lip roughly, nearly drawing blood. “That’s not an answer.”

Losing the battle against her libido and subspace, Y/N whined again.

In a faux sweet voice Erik said, “Awww, is little mama already too far gone in her head thinking about all the ways imma mark you.”

Y/N nodded again, lost in the many images she’d acquired from her sexual experiences with Erik and Kill over the years.

“Good.” And with those words, Y/N was suddenly looking at Erik’s ass and the floor as he stomped upstairs to her bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him.

He tossed her on the bed and roughly stripped her of her clothes, halter top first, bottoms and panties all in one fell swoop last, leaving her heels on.

He positioned her over his knee and popped her cheeks until her bottom was flushed with his favorite shade of reddish purple and warmed his hands with the heat she emanated.

By the time he was done, Y/N wanted to be a ball of tears, but could only sniffle, her voice too shy to make an appearance when Kill took the reins of their scenes like this for fear of upsetting him further.

Erik used his knee to spread her legs open far enough to see her flower drenching her thighs in her nectar for him. He took two fingers to swipe some of it onto them for him to put in his mouth and savor, groaning at how much sweeter she seemed to have gotten since last he held her.

He laid her onto the bed and got up to undress himself, slapping her already sore ass when she didn’t move a muscle.

“You know what’s up. Face down, ass up lil mama.”

Y/N groaned but slowly inched her way into position. Already feeling like jello, she barely put an arch in her back, struggling not to lay back down and pass out.

Killmonger was not happy with that. After he’d removed everything except his grills and chain he let both his palms come down on her cheeks simultaneously.

Sounding more animal than human, “If you don’t assume the position like you got some sense, I swear to the gods Y/N.”

She was still lethargic, but was eager to experience less of his painful assaults and more of the pleasurable ones that she knew were around the corner. It took all of her strength but she was able to inch herself into position, deepening her arch just the way he demanded with her arms by her side and her cheek resting against the comforter.

“Good girl.”

With how pliant she was to his commands and the evidence of how much she trusted and wanted him dripping down her thighs, it took all of his restraint not to plunge himself into her until he felt her cervix try to push him back out.

Y/N smiled faintly at the praise, humming and wiggling her ass in response.

Killmonger grasped her wrists as he knelt to get up close and personal with his pussy. He spread her lips so he could get an eyeful of her throbbing clit and blew on it, eliciting a guttural moan from Y/N, before replacing his hand back on her wrist.

“Just you wait mamas, you gonna be screaming and crying by the time I’m done with you.”

He licked her juices on both thighs, leaving hickies all over them both before he finally put his whole face in her pussy and ate. If it wasn’t for the grasp he had on her wrists, she would have collapsed immediately.

Erik was a good kisser in general, but Killmonger was a master at french kissing, especially her pussy, until she was questioning whether or not she still wanted the pleasure. Those deep soul sucking kisses always made her question her sanity.

He slurped up and suctioned her clit into his mouth like that’s where it belonged, flicking it with the tip of his tongue until she came with a silent scream, without ever releasing her tiny bud. Then he released it with a pop only to hold her lips open and spit directly onto her hole, watching his saliva drip down onto her clit. He flattened his tongue and licked like the dog he could be until she was a whining, moaning mess, tears streaming down her face just as promised. 

Once the first sound hit his ears, she couldn’t stop the noises he was pulling from her if she was mute, let alone at the mercy of his insatiable thirst for her most animalistic responses.

Kill continued his assault with his tongue, moving through her folds in a rhythm only he knew. After he’d gotten two more orgasms from her that way, Y/N alternating between screaming and crying, he latched his plush lips back around her clit, assaulting the sensitive bundle of nerves, and plunged his two most trustworthy fingers into her, immediately finding her gspot and caressing it with an incessant ‘come hither’ motion until she was squirting and creaming uncontrollably. Not willing to let go just yet he dragged it out for what seemed like forever since she briefly lost consciousness and came to, lips still parted in the O of her silent screams, with his mouth still eagerly slurping up the waterfall his fingers were responsible for. All Y/N could do was turn her head the other way to watch what she could see of him, whining and moaning.

When she could barely release any more spurts he released her, licking his hand, fingers, and forearm clean as he slowly stroked his hard as steel member. 

In the great deep of her sex haze, Y/N mumbled, “He brought dick too? How are we gonna survive dick too when he almost killed us with just his mouth and fingers.”

Erik chuckled at her ramblings, proud that he was, as usual, responsible for her senseless words.

When his precum made an appearance, he swiped it up with his thumb and rubbed it into her pussy, almost immediately replacing his thumb with the tip of his dick. Wanting to savor this moment of finally being able to reconnect with his pussy, he played with her, just like that. Rubbing the tip of his dick in both of their juices, up and down her pussy lips, circling her clit, and coming to apply just enough pressure to her desperately clenching hole, only to rinse and repeat. On and on he went, teasing them both until his quietly whimpering babygirl was back to guttural whines.

He knew she was right where he wanted her mentally when she started begging.

“Please big daddy, I’m so sorry. Please baba E, please baba, please. Please please please please please pleaaaaaasssssseeeeee.”

When he was good and ready, he pulled her up by her throat until she was flush against him, licked her tears from her cheek, and forced her to look him in the eyes.

“You don’t do that disappearing and silent treatment shit ever again Y/N. You hear me?”

Y/N nodded and blinked at him with a puppy eyed look that damn near melted the ice caps of his attitude, but he was quick to remind her who’s big daddy in their relationship.

“When I told you, you were mine, I meant that shit mama.”

“Yes, baba,” Y/N squeaked out.

He tongued her down with one of his sloppy french kisses and as soon as he felt her body relax in his hold, he did exactly what his body had been begging for since the second he saw her. He pushed himself into her until he felt the tip of her cervix try to push him all the way back out, savoring the fucked out look she wore as her body spasmed with the unexpected orgasm, he held them there letting her ride it out. 

In this moment he was grateful for the years of curated discipline since the way her pussy clamped onto him almost triggered his own mind numbing orgasm. Although he successfully staved off his nut, he couldn’t stop the way all of his fight was knocked right out of him.  Finally rid of the aggression that his Killmonger personality oozed, Erik was able to finally take in his queen, his Y/N, in all her sex hazed glory.

When she finally came down from her high he started moving, giving her slow and deep strokes as he showered her face and neck with kisses, hoping his attempt at lovemaking showed her just how priceless she was to him, how desperate he’d been without her.

Kiss, “I’m sorry too mamas,” kiss “I know how much you love me and I don't understand why,” kiss, “you,” kiss, “insist,” kiss, “on pouring all of the best parts of yourself into me.” He couldn’t help but shed a tear at the relief he felt, having her in his arms again. “I promise to do better,” kiss, “to listen and pay attention more,” kiss, “to treat you like the empress you are,” kiss, “just say you’ll come home with me,” kiss, “promise you’ll take your rightful place by my side mamas,” kiss, “claim your right as my queen.”

Y/N was a moaning, whining mess, barely holding onto consciousness and shedding her favorite kind of tears, just as promised.

Erik tucked his face into her neck, struggling to keep himself from cumming too soon since her pussy was gripping him like a boa constrictor, indicating that yet another orgasm wasn’t too far.

He held himself in the deepest parts of her and put a little whine in his hips. “Please mama, come home with me.”

Just when he thought he could hold out no longer she arched into him and screamed yes over and over, overwhelmed with her orgasm, and squirted all over them both. Erik came in her almost at the exact same time, his orgasm nearly knocking him out with how it overcame him from head to toe. Both of them slumped into the bed.

—

By the time he finally started to get up, her screams had quieted back to whimpers.

Erik slowly and gently removed her heels from her feet, massaging the soles with just the right amount of pressure.

He cleaned both of them with a warm washcloth and ran the tub, placing some bubble bath soap, epsom salt, essential oils, and dried rose petals in the water. Wanting to balance out the intrusive way he barged back into her life, he lit some candles and incense as well, and placed his favorite body oil of hers on the counter.

When he came back to get her in the tub, she was silently staring into space in the same place and position he left her. After he got her to turn over and sit up, he scooped her into his arms bridal and brought her to the tub, gently placing her into the suds.

Once he saw her relax he went back to the bedroom to strip and change the sheets, wanting their transition back into the room to be seamless. When he came back into the bathroom her head was leaned against the edge of the tub, eyes closed, and tears were streaming down her face, alarming him to the fact that although he’d won the battle, he was still losing the war with treating his girl with the care she really was looking for from him.

Choking up himself, he kneeled next the tub and leaned over her face, kissing the droplets left behind.

“I’m so sorry mamas. You know that right?” His voice cracked at the end.

Although she started nodding yes, she ended up shaking her head no.

“Can you open your eyes for me please?”

Y/N shook her head no again.

“Pretty please?”

Again she shook her head no. She was too scared to look him in his eyes, anytime he touched her or they made eye contact she folded to his desires and needs, abandoning her own.

A little defeated, but determined to win all of her back, not just her body, Erik switched tactics.

“May I get into the tub with you and hold you?”

Y/N hesitated a few moments before she nodded yes. As soon as she heard the rustle of him standing back up she scooted forward allowing him to sit behind her.

Once he was seated, Erik gently pulled her into him, urging her body to use him as she did the edge of the tub. The moment she relaxed in his embrace, head lolling slightly to the left, he started kissing up and down her neck from where her ear met her face to her collarbone.

When he felt enough time had passed, he tried to get her to open up to him again.

“Lil mama?”

Y/N hummed.

“Tell me what’s on your mind please, I promise to listen.”

Y/N held up her pinky and asked, “Pinky promise?”

Erik locked his pinky with hers and brought her hand to his lips, softly talking against it, “Pinky Promise.”

She pulled her hand away, putting it back in her lap to join the other one, under the water.

Taking a deep breath she started.

“Am I a toy to be played with Daka?” Erik was ready to answer but kept silent, knowing she needed to get all of her thoughts out before he interrupted her. “To be taken out of storage to be used and then tossed aside when you’re not getting the desired result anymore?”

Rubbing the sides of her thighs and suddenly very scared, he said, “ no mamas.”

“Then why do you get to demand time and attention and energy from me, but when I ask for a sliver of honest communication, the smallest amount of all three resources you have to offer me, you shut me out? Why is it only okay for you to communicate what’s going on with you and us when you feel like it, when it's convenient? Why do I always have to beg for you to lean on me, to use me softly? Why do I have to beg you to let me hold you. Why don’t you ever just ask? Why do I have to grovel at your feet to be held by you? Why is the only time you make love to me when you’re trying to win me back? Why?” 

By the end of her list, Y/N was sobbing. Erik wrapped his arms around her body and tucked his chin in the curve of her neck and let a few tears drop himself before he answered.

“I don’t know mamas. I guess…,” he wiped the tears from his face and gulped down the rising tsunami of emotion that she so easily created with just a few sentences before he wrapped his arm back around her, “...I guess I’m just terrified.”

“Of what baby? Haven’t I been here? Haven’t I done the best to support you with all that I am, to remain honest with you and show you that I am loyal to our future?”

He kissed her shoulder and said, “you have. I just-”

Y/N pulled out of his arms to finally look him in the eye, “You just what? Aren’t my efforts to build a life with you enough?”

Erik palmed her face and gave her a deep kiss, hoping to transfer all of his emotion into it.

He put his forehead against hers and said, “I’m just so fucking terrified of losing you. To have the warmth of your love snatched away at a moment's notice. I’m terrified in a way I haven’t been in so fucking long that I just convince myself that its better to pull away and show you how unworthy I am of the full magnitude of your love.”

He pulled away and kissed her forehead, grateful she was finally looking him in the eyes again. “But this time of separation showed me I am nothing without you, just a hollow shell, no love to warm my soul and bones. Even the care and concern of my family isn’t enough to fill the abyss that’s created in your absence.”

Y/N swiped away the stray tears from his face, “that’s-”

“I know. Super intense.”

“Yes. But I was gonna say a relief to hear. You never really give me any verbal confirmation that you feel as deeply for me as I do for you unless I say I love you first.”

“I know mamas, but I promise to do better, be better, for you.”

Y/N pecked his lips. “No Baba. For you. You need to talk your feelings out loud so you can hear it too. You need to know that the only reason you’re able to love me so deeply is because you love yourself that deep, if not deeper, first. Understand?”

Erik smirked, yet again grateful that he had such a wise and loving partner who always held up the pieces of mirror he’d sworn he’d broken to pieces.

“Yea lil mama, I understand.”

“Good…,” Y/N kissed him again, deepening the kiss but teasing him slightly with how lightly she moved her lips against his. When she pulled away, she almost regretted bursting his bubble. “...cause I’m not going back with you until I’m ready.”

Erik’s face instantly fixed itself into a scowl. “But-”

Y/N held a finger to his lips. “I said when I’m ready, not never. I came home to get back to taking care of me, love me, and understanding what my needs are.”

His pout deepened.

“And I learned that I need to stop jumping when you say jump. So I go back when I feel that I’m ready, not because you showed up and demanded it of me. Okay?”

He was a little deflated, but still holding onto the hope of her eventually coming back with him.

“Okay, but I’m staying with you until you’re ready.”

“But-.” 

It was Erik’s turn to hush her with a finger. “I already know what you’re going to say and my duties will be waiting for me when we go back together. Now that you’re back in my arms I’m in no hurry to lose the privilege again.”

“You’re not!”

“You’re right, cause I’m staying.”

All Y/N could do was chuckle, understanding that she’d lost this battle and relishing in the fact that she won the war. It seemed he was finally starting to understand what she needed because although she was indeed going to complain about him having responsibilities to return to, she really did need him to stay. That abyss he had was mirrored in her heart and only time with him would close it back up.

Both satisfied that they worked through the root issue, they went back to enjoying the bath, Y/N comfortably resting her head against Erik.

When they were all pruney and the water was verging on cold, Erik stood them up to drain the tub and turned on the shower to rinse them both. After he dried them both, he quickly lotioned his body with shea butter, grabbed the body oil and guided Y/N hand in hand, back into the bedroom.

He laid her on her back first to moisturize and massage her front, kneading out all of the tension she held. When he was working his way back up from her feet, he couldn’t help but get stuck between her thighs, using his thumbs to massage circles up them until he reached her pussy again.

Y/N slightly parted her legs, letting one bend and fall open for easy access. He immediately used one hand to part her lips so he could see her clit clearly.

Erik leaned down to softly kiss her clit a few times before he pulled away and used the thumb on his other hand to rub slow circles. He admired her form as he brought her to orgasm leisurely. 

He went back to massaging her thighs until she returned from the heights of her pleasure.

His voice was more gruff than he wanted when he told her, “turn over.”

She easily compiled and continued his massage, paying extra attention to her sore ass.

When Y/N was 2 more seconds away from sleep and he was satisfied with his work he urged her under the covers and joined her. She tried to grab his hardened member to return the favor but he grabbed up her hands, kissing them to soften the blow.

“No, I needed to show you how softly I can treat you, I don’t need to cum right now. Sleep.”

Y/N pouted and whined, wanting to feel him connected to her again.

She lifted her leg over his as they faced each other and inched as close as she could with her hands in his, feeling his dick graze her pussy lips.

Putting a little more base in his voice, “Ay! What I just say lil mama?”

She whined out, “I don’t care, I just need to feel you in me Baba.”

Erik grunted. 

Y/N donned her best puppy dog pout and begged with her words and body, wiggling in his hold and being able to feel the lightest brush of his hot skin. “Pleeeeeeaaaaassssseeee?”

“Fine, but careful what you asked for…” he said, sheathing himself in one stroke and stilled her hips before she could start moving. “...you just might get it.”

He released her hands and tongued her down, palming her face.

“Sleep Y/N.”

“But,” she said, her face scrunching in confusion.

“You can keep me warm, but that’s it for now, okay?”

She started to whine again but was cut short when he wrapped the hand palming her face around her throat.

“Sleep mamas. You’re going to need all of your energy in the morning.”

She wasn’t necessarily happy, but she also wasn’t necessarily dissatisfied. She did get her wish after all.

“Ok.”

Y/N tucked her head under his chin and started to drift before she sleepily said, “thank you for showing me how much you care Baba E. I’m really happy you’re here.”

Erik kissed her forehead and squeezed his arms a little tighter around her.

“Thank you for letting me.”

He was answered with her cute snores and let the sound lull him into the best sleep he’d had in too long of a while.

[ncsdlr]

A Ride

SMUT || MDNI+18

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: hook up? impulsive decisions, reader is in a gang but i didn't mention it in the fic, biker!reader, gn!reader but its suggested that they have a peen.

A/N: I'm starting to like how my summer break is going

------------

"Hey!"

Natasha turned her head to look at the biker at a stop light who yelled for her. She clutched her bag of groceries at her side as she eyed the biker.

"You wanna ride?" you asked, causally, as you revved your bike, glancing at the red light that still shone at you. "I got a spare helmet."

****

This was wrong. As an avenger, Natasha should know that an impulsive decision like this one was not the right move. But, in her head, she was like, "Ah, fuck it."

So here Natasha was, backpacking for a person she did not know the name of. She held on tightly to the biker's waist, her arms wrapped tightly around the person, while her hands were clasped together at the person's front.

You, on the other hand, were having the time of your life, smiling from ear to ear behind your helmet. Honestly, you didn't think Natasha would actually hop onto your bike and join you on your journey. Truly, you thought she would just walk away. But she did and now here you were.

Better get that wallet ready.

As you parked your bike, you twisted your body around and lifted Natasha off of her seat, placing her on the ground and then patting the top of her head like she were...a child.

You slid yourself off your bike, and removed your helmet, flinging your head around to get your hair to settle. You looked at Natasha and saw her visor aimed at you, a silhouette of her eyes behind it barely visible to you. You walked around your bike and stopped in front of Natasha, lifting the helmet off her head while she kept silent.

You didn't know if that was a good sign or not.

"I don't know if you've already eaten or not, but I'm hungry so we're gonna eat." You turned to the doorway to your favorite diner, grabbed Natasha's hand, and pulled her with you without much thought.

You turned bright red, but luckily Natasha couldn't see how your face replicated a tomato right about now. Natasha stared at your joined hands the whole way through the double doors of the diner.

Natasha stepped into pace with you, still gripping your hand while the both of you stood in the short line at the cashier. As your turn to order came, Natasha's other hand came to hold onto your bicep, resting her head there lightly too.

"...and Nat'll have," you turned Natasha, "What'll you have, hon'?"

"I'll have the burger with the fries," she smiled.

"That, yeah, that, uhm..."

The two of you found your seats in the back, a little secluded, but you expected it from Natasha. The food was served rather quickly and you dove into yours head first while Natasha watched you with curious eyes.

"You always eat like that?"

You looked up at Natasha halfway through a bite of your Bacon Cheeseburger, before pulling away and smacking the drool off your lips.

"Yeah, pretty much. I'm Y/N, by the way. I realized just know I never introduced myself." Natasha nodded, undressing her own burger and taking a bite out of it.

****

As an avenger, Natasha shouldn't be doing this. She really shouldn't be doing this.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

But she really didn't care.

"Oh, my god. I'm gonna cum!"

Sadistically, you shushed the redhead, "Shh, shh, you don't want the waiters out to know you're a whore, do you, Natasha?"

Natasha made a sound that resembled a 'no' or something like that. It's not like you cared to understand it anyway. Currently, you were focused on keeping your thrust perfectly rhythmic, the pleasure of the woman bent over the sink in front of you at the forefront of your mind.

"You're gonna cum, right?" Your fingers found the woman's clit between her slicked-up thighs, fondling it with your two middle fingers as you spoke, "Fucking cum, I fucking dare you."

with your free hand, you pulled one of Natasha's legs up and propped it over the sink, prompting her to hold herself up with a hand on the bathroom mirror. You had other plans, though, pulling Natasha back against your body by her throat as her leg settled, your thrusts remaining ever consistent, hitting that special spot deep inside her sodden cunt.

"I'm cumming, I'm cumming so hard," came her choked warning.

"Do it, but be fucking quiet."

Natasha's body shook in your hold, her body nearly falling over as her legs quaked beneath her. Her screams were silent, her mouth falling open, her throat constricting to hold her moans in, her eyes screwing shut, her grip on the sink almost enough to crack it.

You kept your hips pistoning into her, slowly but deeply, watching Natasha's face in the mirror. She looked so fucking hot like that, sweaty and red and flustered. So hot, you thought.

"This means I win, right?" You panted.

Natasha breathed heavily, meeting your blown-out eyes, with her glossy ones, "Fuck you, you win."

You peck Natasha's shoulder softly, still looking into her eyes through the foggy mirror with a smug smirk, "A deal's a deal, I get to take you on a real date tomorrow."

-------

"You are not taking me here tomorrow."

"Why not?"

"Y/N, did you not see the way they were all looking at us when we left?!"

"Hey, that's your fault. I told you to be quiet!"

"I couldn't stay quiet!"

"That's kinda like saying I fucked you good."

"Shut up, just drive me back to the compound!"

[comicwritesstuff]

Vanessa Shelly/Afton x Fem!Reader

Reader is drunk and breaks into Freddys, Vanessa lets them off with a warning, but of course we have to go back and see the hot officer ;) 2k+ words SMUT BTW

18+ WARNINGSSS

Warnings: Dom!Vanessa, Sub!reader, lots of degrading, angry Vanessa, punishment sorta, a little bdsm, alcohol, fingering, getting eaten out and cursing.

Being 25 means having mid life crisis almost every day. And when your surprisingly fit, like to drink and really fucking stupid then the best thing to do is break into, and explore abandoned buildings. So that's what I’m doing. After drinking a whole bottle of wine and driving around like the responsible adult I am, I stumble upon a magnificent building. 

“Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria”, I snicker at the name and park super well (on the curb). I wattle my drunk ass around the building looking for a quick way in, I see a window and try to open it, after a couple minutes it finally budges, I open it and climb inside, falling on the dust filled floor. I giggle a bit then stand back up, just my luck I see a flashlight on the ground so I pick it up, smacking it a bit before it turns back on. Fun. I walk around, shining the flashlight at the various cobweb filled objects. I was to preoccupied on the spider crawling across the floor to hear the police officer that just walked into the building, I sprint out of the room that the spider was in, I fucking hate spiders. Apparently I caught the officer's attention after I sprinted across the room she was in, somehow not seeing her until she shouted at me. “Hey! Stop you're trespassing!” I don’t know what made me run faster, the thought of the spider, or the officer. A bit of both.

I run through the halls pausing looking around for somewhere to go, I see the doors to the kitchen so I slam the doors open, and shriek. There was a giant ass chicken, and I didn’t know if I was seeing it cause I was drunk but I really wasn’t in the mood to risk it. “AH WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT” Unforunately the officer was now right behind me, I didn’t realize that so when I went to run away again, she grabbed me. Ah shit. What a great night. 

“Why do you care about me, not the big ass chicken in the kitchen? Oh hey that rhymes.” I laughed at my joke, while the cop raised an eyebrow at me. “Are you drunk?” I look at the officer a little clearer, damn she's hot. “No I’m y/n, nice to meet you.” She stares at me for a second then looks away, trying not to laugh at me, she pulls me back up and holds tightly onto my arm while dragging me out of the building. I should really be putting more thought into the giant duck I just saw but all I can think about is the really pretty police woman holding my arm. 

It’s not until we get outside that I remember I'm really not in a good position to get arrested right now, so maybe I should stop admiring the police officer and make a run for it, while my drunk self tries to make up a plan of escape, I glance at her once more. Yeah, I'm gonna stay with her. She opens the side door to her cop car, motioning for me to sit in the car. She still holds the door open, and sighs. “Look, I can tell you weren’t really trying to start anything bad, you're just insanely drunk. So, I’ll let you off with a warning. If I ever see you come back here, drunk or not, I won’t hesitate to arrest your ass for trespassing, or a worse punishment.” I stare at her blankly, it takes me a couple seconds to process what she said. “So you're not arresting me?” She pinches the bridge of her nose before closing the door without saying anything. She walks around and gets in the front starting to drive, “Do you know your address.” I grin and nod, telling her my address. I started laughing a little bit, for no reason I just felt like laughing. I look back up at her and see her looking at me in the rearview mirror. She's got that look like she’s trying not to laugh at me but it's clearly not working. 

“So officer what's your name?” “Vanessa.” “Thas a really prettttty name.” I say slurring my words and giggling more. She glances at me again through the mirror, not saying anything, just grinning. “So how much did you drink exactly?” How much did I drink? I don’t remember so I answer the best I can. “Yes.” I hear her sigh while I’m looking at the raindrops on the window. “Yes? That's your best answer for how much you drank? Jesus you’re really drunk.” I whip my head around frustrated. “How many times do I need to tell you? I’m y/n not these names you keep calling me” I say in an angry tone. I see her bite her lip, grinning even more, clearly trying with all her might not to laugh at me. She composes herself before glaring at me through the mirror. “Don’t use that tone with me, I can still arrest you.” That was hot anyways, oh hey that's my house. “How’d you know my address?” I am baffled as she gets out of the car without answering me. She pulls me out of her cop car dragging me to my doorstep. “Open the door.” She tells me sternly, so I open it quickly. She follows me inside my house, looking around and taking the last bottle of wine I have left without me noticing. I see my couch and go to sit down then I decide to just flop down, I immediately fall asleep. Vanessa hears the plop sound of me passing out on my couch and smirks, walking over she finds a blanket, laying it over me. She does one last search for any more alcohol then finally leaves. 

I wake up with the worst headache ever, I stumble into my kitchen quickly chugging like 3 glasses of water before I notice the note on the counter. “No more drinking, don’t go back to Freddy’s. I drove your car back to your house. I took the rest of your alcohol and left your keys on the counter, take care. -Officer Vanessa”. Oh so that wasn’t some weird porno dream without the porn part about a cop. Staring at the note I decide to do the sensible thing that any person would do, go back to Freddy’s, even with a bad headache. Since she took my alcohol I'm going sober, and with the one brain cell I have sober I grab a flashlight this time. I also grab a hammer (for some reason??). I grab the keys and hop into my car, then I see another note there. “Don’t do it.” That's all the note said, she knew me for an hour and she already knows what i’m planning on doing, well she is a cop. I drove to Freddys, there isn’t a cop car, she probably forgot about me. 

I park in the front and go up to the building. It would be so cool to get on the roof. And so that's what I do, with my flashlight in my bra and the hammer in my mouth so I can climb easier. It was surprisingly easy to get up there. So I sit on the edge of it, swinging my feet waiting patiently for Vanessa to show up. It actually takes a lot longer than I wanted it to, I’m laying on the edge now, on my back staring at the sky. I only sit up once I hear the sound of tires pulling into the parking lot. Oh shit, she’s here. Well, I mean I wanted her to show up, so what did I expect? Vanessa slams her car door shut, and I mean slam, like she is pissed and it's obvious. She walks underneath where I’m sitting, looking up at me. “Get. The. Fuck. Down.” My face turns pale, ohh im fucked, and turned on. “Make me.” She cocks her head, before angrily smirking and with little to no effort, climbing to the top, I stare at her dumbfounded. She walks up to me, pulling out her gun pressing it into my stomach, hard. With her other hand she grabs the collar of my shirt. She pulls me off the edge, I gasp and stumble a bit, I didn’t really expect her to be THIS aggressive. “Climb down, if you run, I will shoot you.” I climbed down and waited at the bottom, I wasn’t in the mood to be shot. Once Vanessa got down she pressed the gun against my hip, standing behind me, she wrapped her other hand around the back of my neck, digging her nails into me. I whimper feeling her nails in my skin, she smirks as I do so. Walking me to her car, she slams me against the car, knocking the breath out of me, she handcuffs me before shoving me into the front seat. 

That's odd, I thought criminals sat in the back. Vanessa gets in the driver's seat, slamming the door shut again, but not driving. Her knuckles are turning white from how hard she's grabbing the steering wheel. “Why are you so upset? I didn’t do anything.” I say not looking at her, honestly a little scared. “One because I told you to do one simple fucking thing, and you didn’t listen did you?” I don't say anything. “That's right, and two you don’t know how dangerous that place is, I was trying to protect you and you have to come back out here like the brat you fucking are.” I gulp, my heart racing. To be honest I'm hella ashamed at how wet I am just from her being mean to me. I can feel her staring dead at me, but all of a sudden I just can’t bring myself to look at her. I'm praying that my face isn’t as red as I think it is. “Hah, are you really turned on by this?” She teases, well shit, I guess I am that red. “No! I'm not I..I swear.” The most obvious lie I think I’ve said. “Sure.” She says, finally starting to drive. It’s completely quiet in the car. Suddenly I feel Vanessa move her hand to my thigh and move it painfully slowly towards my core. I freeze up, I can instantly feel me soaking through my underwear. Vanessa moves her hand up sliding it into my pants and over my panties. She teasingly only puts one finger on my clit, before slowly starting to put pressure on it. “You should have stayed home brat.” She starts rubbing my clit with the same annoyingly soft pressure as before, I let out a soft whimper, I struggle a bit in the handcuffs, fuck, I can’t even move my arms since they are behind my fucking back. “But you're such an attention whore, huh?” She increases the pressure only a bit, rubbing at the same agonizing pace. I glance at her, she hasn’t taken her eyes off the road once, and she’s purposefully driving slow. 

She keeps that same pace for a couple minutes, before I can’t take it anymore. “Vanessa…please..” I say whiningly. “Not so cocky anymore? To busy wanting me to fuck you?” My cheeks heat up with embarrassment. To my surprise she slides her fingers past my panties, shoving two fingers inside me, causing me to buck my hips, and moan. “Look at you, so desperate for me like the little slut you are.” She curls her fingers, thrusting them rapidly, the only sounds in the car are my moans and whimpers that are embarrassingly loud. “I love all the pretty little sounds you're making for me baby, being such a good bitch.” Arching my back, I feel my climax already building up. “Nessa, I…I’m gonna cum..” I mutter, barely able to say anything before she swiftly pulls her fingers out of my pants, licking them clean and putting her hand back on the steering wheel. There's nothing I can do except sit there, and wait for her to do something again, I can’t move my hands, and rubbing my legs together isn’t enough friction, besides if I tried that I’m sure she’d shut it down real quick. Her gaze stays on the road, not bothering to look at me once, even when we stop. From Freddy’s it takes about 20 minutes to get to my house, so I had to wait 5 more minutes before we pulled into my driveway. I couldn’t tell if she was purposefully doing things slowly, or if it felt slow because of how desperately i wanted her to fuck me. Either way, once she finally got to my side of the car she opened my door and grabbed the collar of my shirt again, lifting me out of the car then pulling me to the door. She reaches into my pants pocket grabbing my key and unlocking the door, after we both get inside, Vanessa immediately pulls me into a kiss, her lips slamming onto mine with an unholy amount of lust. 

God, all I wanted was to wrap my arms around her neck, anything to deepen the kiss but the handcuffs stayed on, she pulled me to my bedroom, how did she know where it was? I don't know but frankly, I don’t care right now. Vanessa throws me on my bed, crawling on top of me. She starts leaving hickeys all over my jaw, and my neck. “I want people to know how much of a slut you are, baby.” Chills go down my back as she slowly traces her fingers down to my pants, before I lift my hips so she can slide them off. She starts leaving kisses on my inner thigh before she uses her teeth to pull my underwear down to my thighs, using her hands to get them off the rest of the way. “Be a good whore and keep your legs spread wide for me, can you do that baby?” I whine, nodding. “Yes Nessie”.

“Good girl.” She says before she quickly starts licking and sucking on my clit. At first not too fast, and Vanessa was planning on going slowly before she got a taste, then even she couldn’t resist it. Picking up the pace, she keeps sucking on my clit before curling two fingers inside my folds. How fast she's going catches me off guard, I arch my back, moaning loudly, I bite my lip trying not to be as loud as I was, not wanting anyone to hear us. As I become more quiet, Vanessa slows down. “Uh uh baby, I want to hear all the sounds you're making for me, or I'm not gonna let you cum again.” I whimper in protest but nod anyway as she now speeds up even more. She shoves another finger inside my tight pussy, curling them and hitting my sweet spot perfectly every time, and I listen to what she says and let out all the moans and whimpers I can, not caring how loud I'm being. “Fuck, V-vanessa Im cumming” “No your not. Not until I say.” She thrusts her fingers even harder and faster than before, I can barely hold it. “Fuck please Vanessa!” I shout at her in desperation, she doesn’t say anything for a couple seconds, the pain of holding it back getting to me as a few tears run down my cheeks. “Cum for me, my little slut.” And with one more curl of her fingers, I come harder than I have before, she lets me ride out the orgasm a little bit before licking my cunt clean. 

“You did so good for me, love.” She leans up, kissing me softly and wiping the few tears from my face. “Can you sit up for me baby so I can uncuff you?” I listen to her, already exhausted from the little she’s done to me, to be far I haven’t even had sex in a couple of years, let alone an orgasm that hard. After she uncuffs me, she grabs my blanket, covering the both of us as I cuddle into her chest, quickly falling asleep. 

THANKS FOR READING HOPE U LIKED IT :)

[quokkareactions]

Stray Kids as angst tropes:

Hey, guys! Okay, so I was in the mood for writing some angst, so here you go four angsty Stray Kids drabbles. I still have to work on Seungmin's, which means I'll probably post the other four tomorrow. Until then I hope you enjoy these ones.

Kisses😘

Chan:

You and Chan were walking down the street holding hands and laughing when a girl stopped in her tracks next to you.

"Chan? Is it really you?" she said with a surprised laugh.

The confusion on Chan's face quickly changed into pure happiness when he recognised the girl.

You've never met the girl before but you know exactly who she is. You know that she's the owner of the box of women's clothes on the highest shelf in Chan's closet. You know that she's the reason why Chan's watching Attack on Titan every Tuesday night. You know that he can't say he loves you because of her. And it hurts even if you told him a thousand times that it's okay. He looks at you like you're the prettiest girl in the world, but her... He looks at her like she's his whole world.

"Chan, stop apologising"

"But I didn't know this will happen, we were only supposed to meet to catch up a bit, not to find our unresolved feelings for each other"

"I did"

"What?" he looks at you in confusion.

"I knew this was coming, she was always who you'd choose"

"I'm so sorry, y/n"

"I guess it was my mistake" you let out a bitter laugh.

"No, don't you dare say you're at fault"

"I should've left sooner" now both of your eyes were glossy from tears. "Goodbye, Chan"

You hugged.

"I wish you all the best, y/n"

Minho:

Ringing. Not even remotely unusual sound for Minho. Especially because his best friend since high school was calling him nonstop for the last few days. He just ignored it for the most parts. He didn't want to talk to her. He had no idea what to say to her after what happened at Friday night. But then the ringing stopped and did not start again like Minho anticipated it to, like it did oh so many times already this weekend. What happened? Did you give up?

He almost felt relieved but then he realized... He knows you too well to believe you gave up. You're too persistent. And boy was he right. The next thing he hears is banging on his door.

"Open the fucking door, Minho, or I swear to god I'm gonna kick it in your face"

With a sigh he opens the door and you storm in.

"Y/n, seeing you is always a delight"

"Cut the crap, Min, I deserve at least an explanation"

"I'm not sure I can give you the explanation you wanna hear"

"Please, what happened? I thought you wanted it too" you whispered.

"We ruined our friendship"

"No, we didn't. Our friendship doesn't have to be ruined just because we start dating, it's not..."

"I don't want to date you! I never have and never will" he cuts in bitterly.

"But... I watched you go out with numerous girls waiting for the day you realize that the right girl was right in front of you the whole time" you trail off, tears now freely falling from your eyes.

"Sleeping with you was the worst mistake of my life" he answers without any emotion what so ever.

"And knowing you was mine. Fuck you, Lee Minho!"

With that you walk out of his apartment and his life. You never wanted to see him again not as a friend, not as a lover and not even as a stranger on the street. You wanted to forget him and the piece of your heart that he took for forever.

Changbin:

It was collecting up in you for long by now. Ever since Changbin and you became official you're getting hate from his fans. And we are talking about regular death threats level of hate. But when your sister got involved too you had enough. You decided to break up with Changbin. It was a hard decision but you had to do it, you couldn't take it anymore. Even though he had a really hard time dealing with the fact.

"Please tell me at least part of it was real" he pleaded

"All of it was real but I can't do this anymore. I'm not strong enough to bear it"

"Don't say it. Don't say goodbye"

"I'm so sorry, Changbin" you choked out, lips trembling, voice cracking and tears collecting on your lashes. "But we were never meant to last"

You left the room and was about to open the front door when he shouted after you.

"If you knew that from the start you should have told me before I fell in love with you"

For him the only indication of you hearing it was the sound of the front door closing right after. That was the last time you saw each other.

Hyunjin:

You and Hyunjin were madly in love at the start of your relationship and you made sure that everyone knew that. You were probably the cringiest couple alive. You did everything together and you were all over each other all the time. So everything was perfect until your third year anniversary. You had a huge fight and Hyunjin left and spent the night at his friend's. A girl he suddenly started to spend an awful lot of time with. Since then you felt further and further away from each other. You stopped going out together.

You were slipping away from each other and what is better evidence to that than the situation you're in right now. You are standing exhausted and completely soaked by the rain in front of the Café you work in. The Café your boss closed at 19:00. Exactly when he does everyday, exactly when your shift ended and exactly when you asked Hyunjin this morning to pick you up from there. That was an hour ago. Since then the rain is getting more and more intense. You are not  sure anymore whether it's the rain or your tears that's running down your cheek constantly.

At the start of the hour you thought it's him every time a car passed by. You are not hoping anymore. Not even sure why are you still waiting for him, you could've gotten on a bus and you'd already be home.

[sevensoulmates]

Buddie 7x01 Meta

Okay! Finally, I was able to watch the full episode uninterrupted and have had a couple days to gather my thoughts. Quite simply this episode was fucking fantastic. My meta does sometimes include some spec, so if that's not your thing feel free to ignore those parts. Those of you who follow me know I write long ass essays, so fair warning for a long meta under the cut. ((Also idk how to make gifs, so enjoy my shitty screenshots)).

First, I love to see Buck and Eddie back at it again in their natural element being partners on a scene.

This was very obviously a call back to season 2, even down to the positioning, having Buck watch Eddie be competent in defusing a bomb. Buck has complete faith in Eddie's abilities, it's the fighter pilot whom he distrusts. In the end, they narrowly avoid getting blown up, just like they did in 2x01. This one scene re-establishes the Buck/Eddie work dynamic and shows how they inherently trust each other on and off the field.

Next, we get a scene of Buck and Eddie getting dressed in the locker room. Notably, Buck is fully dressed and Eddie is without his shirt until halfway through the scene. Buck also keeps his eyes on Eddie's naked torso pretty much through the whole shirtless section. This is another blatant callback to season 2x01 when Buck's first introduction to Eddie is when he's shirtless. This draws attention specifically to Eddie's physical attractiveness and how that affects Buck. This scene is odd to have with Eddie half-naked if we're then gonna make comments later on about "sexual tension" with friends, no?

In the same scene we are reintroduced to Buck and Eddie's separate love lives. Eddie is just now learning that Buck and Natalia broke up, and gives an odd facial expression that looks far too much like vindication. We know from the graveyard scene in 6x17 that Eddie wasn't really a fan of Buck's relationship with Natalia (I don't think there's ever been a relationship Buck's had where Eddie has legitimately been happy about it, which is weird if they're just friends, right?) so to him, this was always coming down the road. He seems proud that Buck was able to end it this easily.

Meanwhile, Eddie's going on a "not-date" with Marisol to chaperone Christopher's date with Penny. It's telling to me that Eddie doesn't classify this as a date with Marisol, but Buck does. Buck considers being at home watching Christopher as a date, and yet he seemingly doesn't classify all the times he's been over at Eddie's hanging out with just him and Chris to be a date? To me, this shows the first big disconnect in Buck/Eddie's brains that the show will likely dismantle this season: what is classified as platonic and what is classified as romantic, and which gender is allowed to be in each category. We'll come back to this when we get to the next scene.

Eddie is very supportive of Buck breaking up with Natalia. He doesn't say it directly to his face, but it's implied that Buck really lost himself when he was with Natalia, hence Eddie's "Welcome back to the land of the living". While Buck did struggle with figuring out his life purpose at the end of season 6, he falsely prescribed that purpose to Natalia. Thankfully, this was rectified here. This also shows significant growth for Buck from his last relationship with Taylor Kelly. Buck was able to identify issues in his relationship quicker and was able to cut the relationship short when he realized it was no longer healthy to maintain for him. I am extremely proud of Buck in this moment, as is Eddie, which is the first of two big moments in this episode where Buck and Eddie really showcase their pride in the other's personal growth. "You were missed" is such a simple yet perfect line for Eddie to give to Buck. To show Buck that Eddie has always seen him, and will always see him, even through personal lows, and will still remain by his side when they come out the other side. I really love this showcase of unconditional love here.

The next time we see Buck and Eddie, the chaperone date has already passed. Eddie and Marisol are seen watching Chris and Penny from behind the wall, but it's highkey awkward to watch and the focus of this scene is really not Eddie/Marisol but rather Chris and Penny and Eddie relaying this info to Buck. I first want to point out that we don't actually get to see Eddie/Marisol's first date, we don't see any subsequential dates, and the first time we DO see her, in an episode meant to be establishing couples, she's so blink-and-you'll-miss-it that I had to try 3 times to get this screenshot because it went by so fast. It's never a good sign when we don't actually get to see the beginnings of a non-established relationship.

Additionally, Eddie/Marisol's relationship is framed WITHIN Eddie recounting the night to BUCK. The important Eddie relationship we're supposed to be paying attention to in this scene is not Eddie/Marisol but Eddie and Buck's. It's not important for us to see Eddie and Marisol hanging out, but it IS important for us to see Eddie TELLING Buck about the night. That isn't insignificant. This means the show is clearly placing far more importance on Eddie/Buck than on Marisol, and for a pointed reason to be revealed hopefully later this season.

This is the only line that Marisol has in the entire episode. This being the one line she has is interesting because it's a callback to Eddie's arc last season ie. "Eddie has no game with women". Christopher makes a pointed comment about it in 6x18. And of course, it's a callback to Performance Anxiety 6x14 where Eddie was being pressured about dating women and 6x17 Love Is In The Air where he once again pressures himself into dating women until he finally settles on Marisol. It's an interesting call back to have, considering this scene could have been considered Eddie successfully dating a woman. And of course this ties into later in this episode where we get the "turning women off" comment, which I'll talk more about later.

Eddie goes on to tell Buck that he didn't really see any difference between Christopher hanging out with his male friends vs hanging out with his female friends. This is drawing attention to two things. The first is a call-back to Buck and Eddie's previous scene where we saw that Buck and Eddie have two different ideas of what constitutes "a date" when it's with a man versus a woman. Buck thinks that an at-home date with Marisol to watch Chris counts as a date, Eddie doesn't. Yet Buck doesn't consider his own at-home "hang-outs" with Eddie and Chris to be a date despite them being far more frequent and more meaningful than what we just saw with Marisol. Eddie also doesn't see it that way. This line is an indicator that both Buck and Eddie have blinders on currently when it comes to their interactions with each other, interactions which very much COULD be considered a date (including the later mentioned "underlying sexual tension") if they had done the same thing with a woman. They're just unable to recognize the truth of it at the moment, and this is clearly demonstrated when Eddie can't tell the difference between Chris having his date with his male friends vs. female. My prediction is that this will become more defined for Eddie by the end of the season or leading into next season.

But it's very interesting that this idea of not being able to recognize the possibility of romance except for the heteronormative options is coming into play now because there's really only one gay way to subvert that.

Which is then doubled down by Buck in the very next scene.

This is blatantly not a true statement. Buck is not only assuming Chris's sexuality, but he's assuming the same would be the case in general, which is not true. Buck knows many queer people, but at the same time, every queer person he knows canonically falls more into the gay-lesbian binary, and not really anywhere in the middle (ie. bi/pan people). It's an oddly heteronormative statement coming from Buck, who is known to be very open-minded and also researches a shit ton? So why are we being shown that Buck has this sort of narrow-mindedness specifically when it comes to the possibility of people being bisexual?

(Spec) Firstly, I think this is to set up for a bisexual Buck arc. It's showing that Buck actually 1.) hasn't ever been with a man before so this is not just a casual bi reveal and 2.) that he's never actually considered it a possibility to have sexual tension with a man before. This is what we in writing call "the character's fundamental misbelief" and it is brought in specifically to be challenged, and I'm near-positive it will be at some point in the season.

Secondly, On the surface, this statement is telling the audience that obviously Christopher would only have tension with his female friends, right? (sarcasm). But what's interesting is that this statement is purposefully gender-neutral. It leaves the real meaning up to the audience to decide. Why? Because this part of the conversation is not really about Christopher. On the surface, yes, but beneath that, this line and the line before it are about Eddie and Buck's relationship with each other. Buck's not out here talking about Christopher having sexual tension with people, and even Eddie recognizes that it's weird to talk about in relation to their child. He's still in the nest for christ's sake! These lines are in relation to Buck and Eddie's friendship and how both of them are blind to the fact that it very much IS possible to have sexual tension with your female AND male friends.

And this is where the gender-neutrality of that phrase gets extra interesting. Because as we've seen before, Buck and (more prominently) Eddie often lack chemistry with their female love interests. It's up for debate, but the general consensus was that most people did not feel any chemistry between Buck/Natalia, and Eddie/Ana or Eddie/Marisol. What's fascinating is that Buck has had chemistry with some of his female love interests, but Eddie hasn't had any since Shannon (and this is not an endorsement of Eddie/Shannon's romantic relationship. I'm not getting into the extreme nuances of that right now.) Some argue Eddie's had chemistry with Felisa or Vanessa, but they aren't the ones Eddie's dating right now, are they? So Eddie, unlike Buck with his female LI's, hasn't really had any sexual tension with Ana or Marisol. The only person that (most) people agree Eddie has had sexual tension with is Buck. And we had a scene with them earlier with Buck watching a half-naked Eddie change too. So in this case, the line might also be a reference to Eddie having chemistry with men, but not really with any of his female LI's. I think the purposeful vagueness here though was a very telling choice on Tim's part.

Additionally, the use of the word "underlying". Underlying implies that the sexual tension isn't overt, but rather is something that lingers unspoken. Under the surface. Subtextual, if you will. Of course, it's possible to have subtextual sexual tension between an M/F pairing. But placing it in the context of this scene, where Buck is being weirdly heteronormative, it feels contradictory. If Buck believes that he (and Chris by proxy) can only have sexual tension with a female friend, why is it something that is hidden under the surface? If anything, due to heteronormativity, the sexual tension between a boy and girl should be plain as day for anyone to see, on the surface, very much textual and with no room for interpretation (ie. "He was a boy, she was a girl, could I make it any more obvious?"). But let's flip this around. With queer pairings and couplings, there's a huge history of their sexual tension and romance only being able to live and breathe in the subtext. This line being spoken between two men that many people for years have pointed out are heavily queer-coded and have a romantically-coded "bro" relationship with each other that so far has only been able to exist in subtext? Tim, you're not sly. I see right through you.

After that, Eddie tells Buck about Christopher seeing 5 girls at the same time. Everyone's shocked and Eddie insinuates that Christopher didn't get this from him. By pointing out that Buck is a reformed playboy (I personally disagree with aspects of this statement but that's neither here nor there), Eddie is implying that Christopher may potentially be getting this trait from Buck. Which is an interesting thing to say to someone if they're not already heavily involved in the process of raising your child. Eddie claims that he's a "nester", which in my mind means someone who is very paternal/maternal, or constantly trying to build the home or the family. ((Sidebar: I googled nesting and apparently it's ALSO a term used in both polyamorous spaces and was later separately coined as a term referring to "where men treat women like they’re in a relationship, but they expect those women to know that it will never lead to real one." I don't interpret this line to mean either of those other definitions, I just think it's interesting that this is what popped up when I googled Nesting)).

Eddie then says he "married the first girl he dated" and Buck instantly volleys back with "think you mean slept with", which is EXTREMELY telling of a few things. First, I want to point out, that I don't believe this is Buck denouncing or disrespecting Shannon's important role in Eddie or Chris's life, but rather recontextualizing it.

We got clarification last season that Eddie fell into his relationship with Shannon almost in the same way that he fell into one with Ana and Marisol. It was heavily implied that Shannon was the pursuer, the one who made their relationship happen. Not Eddie. While Eddie was a little less passive with Ana and Marisol, being the one to ask both of them out, he still exhibits extreme passivity in the furthering of each of these relationships, preferring to "stick it out" rather than actually end it when it's not working. This is the exact same thing he did with Shannon. It's interesting that Buck argues that Eddie married the first girl he slept with rather than the first girl he dated.

Dating someone implies you really genuinely want to form a deep romantic relationship with someone (ie. call back to Buck's line to Maddie "at least when I date someone, I date them"), whereas sleeping with someone does not have to immediately mean wanting to be with them romantically. To me, this implies that while Eddie might've deeply loved Shannon as a friend and eventual mother of his child later and had sexual chemistry with her, the reason why he stayed with her is not because he wanted to continue dating her or being with her because he was IN LOVE with HER but rather because they slept together. And what came about from sleeping with her? A fucking traumatic teen pregnancy.

Both Buck AND Eddie recognize that in this scene (which is huge, especially for Eddie). I'm kinda blown away honestly. It's extremely important for the audience to see that while Eddie did, does and will always love Shannon, it is NOT romantic love, and may have not ever been. Which is FINE. They were literal teenagers for god's sake.

This is once again a recurring theme in Buck and Eddie's story in this episode. Defining what is considered romantic and what is considered platonic AND the possibility of redefining those distinctions years later. And it's interesting that in this case with Shannon, a woman, it's finally being acknowledged that it might not have been as romantic as Eddie may have believed for all these years.

Eddie then asks Buck to be the one to talk to Christopher about his relationship indiscretions. We see Eddie making the active choice to bring Buck deeper into the co-parenting role that's already been established in seasons 2-6. Right after Eddie talks about being a nester, a home-builder, he brings Buck deeper into his family in a parental role. To me, this scene doesn't imply that Eddie can't do it, or that it's out of his wheelhouse, but rather because he feels like Christopher might relate to Buck more about this. But even more so, it shows that Eddie inherently trusts Buck to be the one to talk to Christopher about this, because he's seen how Buck has grown over the years.

Eddie doesn't want Christopher to continue making bad choices in life and he tries to convey this to Buck, but Buck, with his own self-esteem issues, assumes that Eddie doesn't want Christopher to end up like Buck. Which is fascinating because Buck's made it a huge point throughout the series to show that he's grown past his sleeping-around phase (which was never about disrespecting or using women, it was always about Buck's own desire for love and connection that he felt he could only get through sex). And yet with this line, we see that Buck still doesn't realize how far he's come. He still feels like he isn't worth emulating or being someone to look up to. But Eddie does. Eddie sees and loves Buck to his core, and so he points it out to Buck that no, Buck actually didn't become that person, and that Buck is, in fact, worthy of being the one to parent Christopher in this situation. Once again, this is a great moment of showing how these two are able to see past their facades to the truth of each other's issues and provide strength, reassurance, and clarity to each other, as an ideal life partner would be able to do.

Then we get to see this amazing scene of Eddie talking down a panicking woman using his own unique "jello" methods. This coping mechanism tool he walks her through really does sound like something a therapist might teach their patient. Eddie not only is able to admit to having panic attacks but he's able to do it in front of strangers and his team alike with no shame (even a bit of pride at the end). This scene, which could've gotten very awkward very fast, ended up becoming a very sweet, serene moment where we also get to see that love reflected on Buck's face just how proud he is of how far Eddie has come. This episode made a point to show Buck and Eddie recognizing the other's growth and their pride in the other, as well as demonstrate how both are able to be there for the other emotionally in their times of need.

What's interesting is that this is all stuff that we've seen before. Buck and Eddie have been each other's emotional pillars for many years now. This is just a re-establishing episode. We know that this season their relationship is going to be shifting, growing, and showing a new side to it. So I'm intrigued to see how that will manifest given that we have already seen in one episode how Buck and Eddie are each other's closest person. Some might argue that this episode actually frames them to be closer and more emotionally supportive of each other than two of the other canonically romantic couples on the show.

Bathena are shown to be having marital problems in this episode, with Athena worrying she and Bobby might not actually have that much in common outside of the chaos. Madney is shown with pre-martial problems, with Chimney unnecessarily worrying he and Maddie's spark might fizzle out over the years and they might grow to resent each other. I'm not saying either of these relationship problems is really accurate, but it's just interesting to look at in comparison to how Buck and Eddie were framed in this episode, despite not being in a canonical romantic relationship at the moment.

This exchange absolutely took me the fuck out. Because this line did not need to be there. Even for the giggles. It could've even been a line of Buck being sincere and saying that he's proud of Eddie or something. Instead, we get this. "I've never seen a man turn a woman off with such skill". This line connected with the line from Marisol are both callbacks to Eddie's series-long issue with dating women. We get this in conjunction with Buck pointing out that Eddie doesn't really date these women he's in relationships with. He's just with them due to circumstances. Even if the circumstances are of his own making (which could be a symptom of compulsory heterosexuality). Eddie has never once talked about dating women like he's actually attracted to women. I'm so sorry. AND combined with the line where Buck and Eddie actually acknowledge that Eddie wasn't really with Shannon because he wanted to be with her but because of the family they accidentally created. All of this in ONE episode leading up to this line where it's heavily implied that Eddie's skill is his inability to turn women on, and to actually be able to turn them all the way off. And I'm just going to say it, but this line HEAVILY implies queerness. This is the kind of line you'd expect someone to say to a gay man or someone who doesn't actually want the sexual attention of a woman. This, again, in conjunction with Eddie not being able to tell the difference between a date with a woman vs. a man, is all too pointed.

This line alone in a vacuum could maybe not mean queerness, but alongside the whole rest of the episode where beat after beat after beat implies that Eddie has in fact NEVER been in a relationship with a woman 100% of his own active desire for her as a person and not just for what she can provide to his or his son's life?

This points to a very particular direction with Eddie that I'm expecting to see him fight against really hard this season. I would not be surprised if he ends up holding onto Marisol as the last shreds of perceived "normalcy" (ie. heterosexuality) are being threatened. Hopefully, he'll be able to reconcile the truth by the end of the season or going into season 8.

God this is so long and we haven't even gotten to the buddifer scene yet. This part will be a bit more condensed because I'm not really analyzing Chris as a character here or his relationship with Shannon. Maybe I will later.

I'm really loving seeing Christopher become his own person this season. But what really fascinates me here is Chris as a parallel to both Buck and Eddie. Christopher's abandonment trauma is starting to manifest in him through his choices with his love life. The same thing happened with Buck and with Eddie individually. Buck's trauma growing up informed his choices of sleeping around and seeking love from a myriad of individuals who didn't necessarily have his best interest at heart. Eddie's trauma manifested in him being so self-sacrificing that he can't ever choose a relationship for himself, but it always has to be in service of someone else or in pursuit of a perceived "Normal" standard.

In this case with Chris, his trauma is manifesting in a way more similar to Buck's, which is another reason why it's so perfect to see Buck being the one to discuss this with Chris, even though they don't necessarily delve too deep into it. There's no question Buck sees his own issues reflected in Chris. This has been true since 4x08 Breaking Point when Chris runs to Buck's house and confides in Buck his worries about people leaving him. Chris demonstrates a similar issue that Buck and Eddie both hold individually. That being the notion that "it doesn't matter what I do, or how good of a person I am, or how good of a partner I am, I am not worth staying for."

But the difference here is that Eddie and Buck, like the amazing co-parents they are, recognize the problem and take steps to address Christopher's trauma in a way that gives Chris autonomy and isn't condescending or out to make Christopher feel bad about making mistakes. The Buckley parents and the Diaz parents both failed Buck and Eddie in these ways because they blamed their children, never actually took the time to see the underlying issues let alone address them, and made them feel like everything was their fault, even going so far as to actively put their children down over and over and over again. Eddie and Buck get the beautiful chance to break the cycle here with Chris and get to be the parents that they never had.

It was so amazing to watch this episode with Buck and Eddie being supportive partners to each other and supportive parents to Christopher. It was an episode of growth just as much as it was an episode of reintroduction to a new audience. It was also extremely telling of what the future conflicts and themes will likely continue to be for Buck and Eddie for the rest of this season. I'm so excited to see what the rest of this season brings! And thank you from the bottom of my heart, ABC.

[the-oblivious-writer]

Meant To Be One

Gf!Sam Carpenter x Fem!Reader

One-Shot

Summary: You couldn't have guessed this is where you would end up after letting Sam Carpenter in your life. Well, now you're in your room, hiding, as Sam tries to break down your door whilst revealing the cruel future she has planned for the students of Woodsboro High

Warning(s): Swearing, dark!sam, manipulating/gaslighting, gun(s), mentions of death & killing

Notes: Based off of the song 'Meant To Be Yours.' Not sure how to feel about this one, lemme know what you think

2/7 for Seven Days Of Christmas

Bang. Bang. Bang—BANG.

That was all you could hear on the other side of the door as Sam Carpenter incessantly pounded on your bedroom door. You tried to be as quiet as possible but deep down you knew no matter how quiet you could be, Sam wouldn't leave until you opened up. 

“All is forgiven baby! Come on, get dressed! You’re my date to the pep rally,” she shouted from the other side. You stayed a few feet from the door, not knowing how far Sam would go. You’ve seen how far she could go, and you soon realized she could go much farther.

“Fuck off! You’re a psychotic asshole!” You spat harshly. Sam stared at the door with a grin so sinister you could almost feel it. 

“I’m protecting you! If you would just listen instead of chucking me out like trash, you would understand that!” 

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you! You should be dead for the way you’ve treated me!” The grip on Sam’s gun tightened as she spoke, soon loosening once remembering the plan. “But that’s when it hit me like a flash…” Sam took a short pause between, leaving you in a state of suspense. “What if high school went instead? Don’t you see it—those assholes are the key! They’re keeping you away from me!” 

“Sam, you’re fucking crazy! So what—what your solution is blowing up our school with everyone in it and we’re just supposed to drive off into the sunset?”

“Do you not want that for us?” You could hear the emotion in her voice, the sorrow in her tone evident. It made you want to give in until you remembered where you were, how you got here, what she had done—no, what you both had done. 

“It’s not that simple–”

“Then make it simple!”

“You tricked me into killing my best friend—not to mention the six other people we’ve killed. God. Just saying it out loud… It’s fucked Sam!”

“He was a damn asshole, an asshole that didn’t deserve you. Not like I do.” She spoke with pure venom, just the thought of him and you made her trigger finger itch. “When I found you, it changed my heart… and so I built a bomb. Because that’s how much I fucking love you!” She banged on your door again, causing you to flinch back. 

“Love doesn’t equal bombing the whole damn school!” You subtly moved around in your room as you shouted back, looking through your things for something.

“You don't know what you’re saying! They have made you blind, messed up your mind—but I can set you free!” She pounded on the door again. “Just open up, Y/N. Do you really think there’s going back?” 

You grabbed the bat from under your bed, getting ready to use it. Your grip squeezed around the handle as you slowly inched towards your door. “Y/N!” Another bang to the door causes you to jolt back. “Open the door, please… Can we not fight anymore?” Sam’s patience was thinning as she was only met with silence. She let out a sharp exhale, her hand subconsciously squeezing around her gun’s handle.  “Don’t make me come in there—I’m gonna count to three!”

“One!” 

You let out a shaky sigh, but your eyes suddenly catch sight of your closet.

“Two! Thre—fuck it!” Sam shoots the knob before kicking down the door. She was only wearing the cloak of her ghostface costume, opting to save the mask for later. You saw her look around, confused and frustrated. As she was just about to give up, she noticed your closet slightly open. You suck in a breath, trying your absolute hardest not to be caught. You could hear her combat boots as she inched closer to the closet.

 This is it. Your only chance. 

Suddenly, the doors abruptly open and instead of giving her a chance to make the first move, you swing your bat. She groans in pain after the metal bat makes contact with her back. You run past her, but Sam has a speedy recovery and immediately starts chasing you. One minute you’re running, the next you’re being pinned to one of your shelfs—books and items falling as she harshly pushed you up against the shelf. 

“You really thought you could get away from me baby? Tonight our school is Vietnam, and nothing is changing that,” she says in a low voice. “So you might as well bring marshmallows, we’ll make s’mores,” Sam lets out a sinister laugh at her own remark.

You narrow your eyes at her, looking at her with disbelief and pure confusion. How was this the same woman you fell so hard for? 

“I don’t even recognize you…” 

“Well you better get associated darling, because there’s no backing out. We’re doing this. There’s no point in fighting it.” She ran hand down your face, her knuckles softly brushing against your cheek and you hate how much you love her touch. 

“I’m meant to be yours. We’re meant to be one.” 

Just a moment ago you were absolutely repulsed by her plans. Disgusted with her. Disgusted with the vile acts you helped her commit, how she so effortlessly manipulated you, and how easy you fell for it. But oh, when you look into her eyes… it’s hard to say no. You can't help but feel yourself being pulled back into her cruel plans. You couldn’t resist Sam Carpenter. Not when she kissed you the way she did, not when she touched you the way she did, not when you loved her the way you did. 

Sam Carpenter had you in a chokehold.

“So what do you say baby?” With a tilt of her head, she looked at while flashing those dark eyes of hers—eyes she knew you couldn’t resist. 

“You know I can’t say no to you, Sammy…” You softly spoke defeatedly, completely forgetting the mindset you had just ten minutes ago. 

She brushed her thumb against your bottom lip, slightly smirking. “That's my girl. Now let's go blow up some assholes.” 

At the end of the day, Sam was right. She was meant to be yours, and you were meant to be hers.

You were meant to be one.

-----------

A/N: R did a full 180 but let's be real, who wouldn't for Sam?

[serenelystrange]

At AO3 or below the cut:

Three weeks before Thanksgiving, and Buck finally feels like life is getting back to normal. Chris has been home from Texas since school started, nobody at work has gotten impaled or otherwise grievously injured in months, and he has a sweet and funny boyfriend to come home to after rough days. He tells himself to appreciate it and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

One week before Thanksgiving, and Buck realizes he really should have listened to his gut instincts to begin with. Tommy breaks up with him, more kindly than Buck has grown to expect from relationships, but hurtful nonetheless. He’s not even all the way home after that whole scene when his phone rings. Looking quickly, he frowns down at the name on the screen. Pulling over to the side of the road and flipping his hazard lights on, Buck answers the phone.

“Mom?”

“You don’t have to do this, Buck.”

Buck looks up at Eddie from where he’s packing a duffel bag with a week’s worth of clothes and sighs. Eddie’s leaning against Buck’s dresser, hands shoved into the pocket of his softest jeans and giving him an imploring look.

“He’s my dad,” Buck says, squinting as he tries to remember just how cold Pennsylvania is in November and if he needs another heavy sweater.

“Take the navy one Carla made you,” Eddie says, as if reading Buck’s mind. “It’s warm and has those big pockets you like.”

“Keeps my hands completely covered,” Buck mumbles. He removes the brown sweater and tosses it onto the bed, before grabbing the blue sweater from the closet and tucking it neatly in the bag.

“And more room for snacks,” Eddie agrees. “But you still don’t have to do this. Your parents have money, they can hire a caretaker.”

“They did,” Buck says, “but the guy can’t start until after Thanksgiving, and Maddie can’t leave Jee-Yun for a week, and she couldn’t lift him if needed anyway.”

“Still,” Eddie says stubbornly, scowling at the thought of the Buckleys. “It sucks that he broke his leg, but they don’t deserve your help.”

Buck shrugs silently, in that way he does that Eddie knows is disagreement that he doesn’t want to argue about.

“It’s only a week,” Buck says. “I’ll be back as soon as the aide shows up after Thanksgiving.”

“Ugh,” Eddie huffs, thinking about the holiday. “You’re gonna have to spend Thanksgiving with those two, and what, their snobby friends from the country club?”

“Please don’t remind me,” Buck groans. “It’s bad enough I have to be there at all, I don’t need their shitty homophobic friends cackling about the fact that I couldn’t keep a boyfriend any more than I could a girlfriend.”

“That is bad timing,” Eddie says mildly, instead of the blue streak of opinions he has on Tommy Kinard at the moment.

“I just,” Buck says, zipping up the bag before slumping down on to the bed and giving Eddie a tired look. “I just wanted one holiday with them where I didn’t look like a total loser.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being single,” Eddie says, gesturing to himself. “You don’t think I’m a loser, right?”

“Of course not,” Buck says immediately. “But I’m not my parents.”

“Damn right,” Eddie says, glaring as if daring Buck to argue. “You’re a fucking badass firefighter whether or not you have a stupid boyfriend. And even if you weren’t, you’re a genuinely good person who we all love. You don’t need their approval.”

“I know,” Buck says, face softening. “Thank you. But I..” he trails off, looking embarrassed, “I still want it. I don’t think I’ll ever grow out of that.”

Eddie nods in commiserative understanding, and takes a quick look at a text on his phone before sliding it back into his pocket.

“What would you think about,” Eddie asks, walking forward so that he’s standing in front of Buck, “and walk with me here.”

Buck just quirks an inquisitive eyebrow and waits.

“What if you showed up with a new boyfriend instead?” Eddie asks. “A fake one. A…well, a me?”

“What.” Buck says, stunned into losing his punctuation.

“I’m just saying,” Eddie explains, “your parents know me already, so it wouldn’t be that big of a stretch. People date their coworkers all the time. It’s not like we’d have to make-out in front of them or anything.”

“The are pretty prudish,” Buck agrees slowly, mulling it over. “It actually could work. And it would be great to have someone in my corner.”

“Two of us, two of them,” Eddie grins, “I like those odds.”

“It won’t be weird?” Buck asks, “I mean, you don’t even like men.”

“They don’t know that,” Eddie says, shrugging. “And why would it be weird? Chim calls us work-husbands all the time. We just lean into it for a while. It’d be even better if we could bring Chris.”

“Stupid school,” Buck says, pouting. “Wait, Chris. Whose going to watch Chris if you’re with me?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Eddie laughs, Carla and Pepa have it all worked out, with the 118 as backup. He’ll be fine.”

“And Bobby just gave you a week off of work” Buck says, dubiously. “How long have you been planning this?”

“Uhh,” Eddie says, caught in his scheming. “Since you called me yesterday?”

“Eddie,” Buck sighs.

“Buck,” Eddie grins.

“You already have a plane ticket, don’t you?”

“Seat next to yours, Buckley. You really shouldn’t leave your phone unlocked all the time.”

“You know the code anyway,” Buck says, rolling his eyes.

“I know my own son’s birthday, yes,” Eddie teases. “Sap.”

“I changed my mind,” Buck huffs, “I’m going alone.”

“Nope,” Eddie says, reaching out to ruffle Buck’s messy curls. “You’re stuck with me now, boyfriend.”

Buck groans again, but doesn’t argue, and Eddie takes it as a win.

It’s not until they board the plane and get to their seats that Eddie realizes why Buck had insisted on checking them in while Eddie had used the restroom before the flight.

“Business class?” he asks, giving Buck an incredulous look. “I know we were in economy. Tell me you didn’t spend thousands of dollars to upgrade us for a six hour flight.”

“I did not,” Buck says, giving Eddie a crooked little smile. “My mother might have been talked into it by Maddie though. You know, as a thank you for flying all the way there to take care of dad.”

“Have I ever told you how much I love your sister?” Eddie says, stretching out his legs in front of the seat comfortably. “Because I do.”

“She’s married,” Buck says, drolly. “There was a whole hospital wedding and everything.”

“Aw, pookie,” Eddie grins, “don’t be jealous. You’re still my favorite Buckley.”

“You’re so dumb,” Buck says, flushing pink. “And no, not even my fake boyfriend is allowed to call me pookie. I’m not a teacup yorkie.”

“Fine, fine,” Eddie relents. “How do you fly, anyway? Does turbulence freak you out, should I hold your hand?”

“You’re having too much fun with this,” Buck says, laughing and swatting at Eddie’s offered hand. “I’m not afraid of flying, don’t worry.”

“Just keeping spirits high before we get to Hell,” Eddie says lightly, and Buck’s entire chest warms with a pleased rush of affection for his idiot best friend.

Halfway through the flight, they’re woken up by rough bumping of turbulence, as flashes of lightning turn the windows of the plane white for a few very tense seconds.

Buck’s terrified grip very nearly crushes Eddie’s fingers, but he holds on.

When they finally make it to the Buckley home, Eddie is already regretting ever letting Buck get on the plane. He’s a ball of tension beside him, one hand gripped tightly around the strap of the duffel bag that’s slung over his shoulder, the other shoved deep in his pocket.

“We can still leave,” Eddie says gently, even as Buck rings the bell. “Whatever you need.”

Buck shakes his head once, and pulls his hand from his pocket, wordlessly taking Eddie’s free hand and linking their fingers together.

“Just need this,” he says, titling his head slightly as if requesting permission.

Eddie squeezes his hand comfortingly.

“Of course.”

The door opens then, revealing the pinched face of Margaret Buckley.

“Evan,” she says, coolly but perfectly polite. “I was wondering when you were going to get here, your flight landed hours ago.”

“My fault,” Eddie interrupts. “Turns out my original car rental reservation wasn’t available, so we had to wait around until we could get another one.”

Buck laughs quietly at the complete and utter lie. The Crosstrek they’d reserved was waiting for them as they got there. The panic attack Buck had in the passenger seat as they left the lot is what really delayed them.

“Very well,” Margaret says. “Come on in, it’s late.”

They follow her in, dutifully removing their shoes and putting them on the fancy rack by the door, before standing awkwardly in the foyer.

“The neighbors brought a bunch of food over,” Margaret says, still not looking either of them in the eyes. “If you’re hungry.”

“Thanks,” Buck says, politely.

“I had Desiree clean up and put fresh bedding down,” Margaret says, before pinning Eddie with a steely blue gaze. “You’ll be in Maddie’s old room, Buck is just across the hall.”

“Mom,” Buck sighs, before Eddie even has time to be offended. “I’m not making my boyfriend sleep in a separate room. We’re all adults here.”

Eddie cringes, knowing damn well he never would have argued with his parents about this.

“Fine,” Margaret says, with surprisingly little resistance. “Just make sure to… be respectful.”

“We won’t have sex in your house,” Buck says dryly, “scout’s honor.”

Eddie bites down on his cheek so hard to stop from laughing that he’s sure he’s drawn blood.

Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

Later, as they’re getting ready for bed, Buck looks up at Eddie with an apologetic grimace.

“I probably should have asked you about the bed thing,” he says. “I just really wanted to piss her off.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Eddie waves off the apology. “You know I’m down to piss off your parents however we can. And this is a king size bed, we’ll have plenty of space.”

“They added it for guests when I moved away,” Buck says. “Not sure what happened to my old full size bed. Threw it out, I guess.”

“Well, fuck them,” Eddie says, resolutely. “But in this one case, I’m glad two six-foot men don’t have to share a full size bed.”

“Just say you don’t want to cuddle me,” Buck teases, “gosh.”

“Shut the fuck up and go to bed,” Eddie laughs, smacking Buck with one of the admittedly plush pillows.

Buck laughs again but crawls into the bed, stretching out his sore muscles in relief. He clicks off the lamp on the nightstand on his side of the bed, and lets his eyes adjust to the minimal moonlight coming in through the closed blinds.  

Beside him, Eddie’s breathing is already steadying as he falls asleep, and Buck lets it soothe him into darkness.

They’re woken up by insistent knocking before 8am the next morning, followed by Margaret opening the door and poking her head in without waiting for an answer.

“Your father needs help, Evan,” Margaret says, eyeing the barely awake men with irritation. “You can’t sleep all day.”

“Jesus, mom,” Buck groans, “It’s not even 5AM our time.”

Eddie says nothing, but props himself up on his elbows and very purposely leans his head against Buck’s arm, yawning widely.

“He has an appointment in an hour,” Margaret continues without acknowledging his response. “And he needs help getting down the stairs and into the car.”

“Ok, ok,” Buck says, sitting up fully and dislodging Eddie’s head with a murmured apology. “Give me ten minutes to shower and get changed.”

“Does Mr. Buckley need help washing up?” Eddie asks, easing up to sit beside Buck. He may hate the man, but he is still a medical professional.

Margaret considers him for a long moment, before nodding shortly.

“That would be appreciated,” she says, before turning around and walking off, leaving Buck’s door wide open.

“You don’t need to do that,” Buck says quietly. “I can help him myself, Maddie said he mostly just needs support to balance, and he’s a lot taller than mom.”

“We can’t risk him getting an infection and you being stuck here even longer,” Eddie says, just as quietly. “We can handle a few awkward shower-assists.”

Buck thanks him again and heads toward the bathroom, leaving Eddie watching his muscular bare back as he goes, not a single pure thought left in his head.

Buck supports his father’s weight with ease as Eddie makes sure the waterproof cast cover is secure around his thigh, and together they get him into the bathroom with minimal fuss.

“Oh, you have a shower chair,” Buck says. “Good. That will make this a lot easier for you. I’ll just help you get undressed and then you can just shout for us when you’re done, ok?”

Phillip nods, avoiding their eyes, and Eddie feels a regrettable wave of sympathy for the man.

“Hey,” he says. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, we all need help sometimes. Buck and I help people in much weirder situations all the time.”

Buck looks at him, a surprised but pleased smile on his face.

“Is it because it’s your son?” Eddie asks, gently. “Because I can help you and Buck can stand right outside in case we need him. I was a medic in the army, I can handle one broken leg.”

“A man shouldn’t have to see his father this weak,” Phillip confirms, gruffly.

“It’s good for sons to know their fathers are human,” Eddie says with a little shrug. “But maybe this first time, you’ll let me help at least?”

“Ok,” Phillip agrees, looking at Buck and then Eddie. “Thank you.”

“I’ll just be right outside,” Buck says, sharing a look with Eddie who just nods in reassurance.

“Thanks, babe,” Eddie says, just to make Buck flush with surprise.

And maybe a tiny bit to make Phillip Buckley uncomfortable. He has always been good at multi-tasking, after all.

The first few days go by without incident, to everyone’s surprise. It’s still an awkward stilted atmosphere, but Buck’s parents keep to themselves until help is actively needed, and Eddie keeps Buck sane with mindless chatter and daily facetime calls to check in on Chris.

“Bye, mijo,” Eddie says as they’re hanging up their latest call, “love you.”

“Love you, too, dad,” Chris says, even though he rolls his eyes as he does. “Love you, Buck,” he adds, with considerably less attitude.

“Love you, buddy,” Buck says, grinning at Eddie’s screen and waving as Chris disconnects.

“I see who the favorite is,” Eddie huffs as he puts the phone down and leans back against the uncomfortable leather couch in the Buckley living-room.

“Don’t be a hater,” Buck says, grinning.

Before Eddie can reply, Margaret appears in the doorway to let them know Phillip will need help up to their bedroom in a few minutes.

“No problem,” Buck says. “He’s getting pretty good with those crutches, too. The physical therapist will be impressed.”

Margaret gives him a smile that seems placating at best, but at least it’s not a sneer.

“That was your son?” she asks Eddie, “Christopher, right?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods. “He’s a teenager so he thinks he’s too cool to miss his dad, but I’m going to bug him ever day anyway.”

“He seems to care about you both very much,” Margaret says, quietly. “That’s good.”

“Mom,” Buck says, at a loss of how to respond to that, but she just shakes her head.

“I think your father is ready,” she says instead of replying, and once again leaves them alone and confused about what in the world just happened.

“He took one of his pain pills,” Margaret warns them as Buck and Eddie support Phillip on either side and head up the wide stairs.

“We’ve got him,” Buck assures her, his father already becoming dead weight between them as he gets drowsier.

“I’ll be up as soon as I load the dishwasher,” Margaret says, leaving them to it.

They get Phillip into his pajamas and then his bed with no resistance, the pain medication making him heavy but easygoing.

“Thanks, boys,” he says as they start to leave. “You have a good one here, Evan.”

“Oh,” Buck says, stalling in surprise, before ducking his head bashfully.

“Yeah,” he says, “Eddie’s pretty great.”

“You’re pretty great,” Eddie replies automatically, and Phillip laughs.

“See?” he says, giggling in a way Buck’s never heard before. “You really love each other.”

“Sure do,” Eddie says, before Buck can have a complete meltdown at his father’s sudden affable mood. “Get some rest, Mr. Buckley.”

“Goodnight, boys,” Phillip says, and then he’s out like a light.

“What the fuck,” Buck whispers, looking over at Eddie with wide eyes.

Eddie just shrugs. He has no idea.

“So,” Eddie says that night as they’re in bed. Parks and Rec is playing from Buck’s ipad, but it’s more background noise than anything, and Buck turns his attention away from it easily enough.

“So?”

“I guess maybe your parents aren’t homophobic?” Eddie asks. “Your dad seems remarkably chill with us, anyway.”

Buck shrugs. “I guess,” he says. “They never actually came out and said anything awful when they found out I was with a guy. But I just assumed they would be passive aggressive about it like they are about everything else.”

“I would’ve thought so, too,” Eddie agrees. “But they genuinely don’t seem to care.”

Buck laughs ruefully. “I should’ve expected that, honestly. They haven’t cared about a thing I’ve done since I stopped hurting myself to get their attention.”

“Just four more days,” Eddie says, reaching out and ruffling Buck’s hair playfully. “That health aid is starting the day after Thanksgiving, right?”

Buck nods. “They had to pay extra for that, I think. But it’ll be worth it.” He pauses and laughs as Eddie continues to ruffle his hair. “Why are you petting me?”

“I…” Eddie says, freezing in place. “It’s how I would comfort Chris, when he wasn’t too ‘grown up’ for a little babying.” He pulls his hand away. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Buck says, still smiling. “It’s sweet. You’re sweet.”

“Shh,” Eddie says in a conspiratorial whisper, “I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Right,” Buck says, just as quietly. “I forgot you were Mr. Tough Guy who never panics.”

“I don’t need your sass, Buckley,” Eddie says, leaning in to knock his forehead against Buck’s shoulder.

“Then move back to your side of the bed, Diaz,” Buck says smugly.

Eddie glances down and realizes that they are in fact lying much closer together than is required, feet of space on the mattress on both sides of them.

“Shut up,” he says, suppressing the urge to sink his teeth into the cotton of Buck’s t-shirt.

Neither of them move away.

“You didn’t tell me we’d have to actually go to the fancy country club for Thanksgiving!” Eddie hisses at Buck once they’re back in Buck’s room after Margaret’s announcement.

“I didn’t know!” Buck defends. “Mom told me they were going to have it catered, and I thought she just meant here!”

“Don’t their friends have their own families to suffocate?” Eddie asks, digging through his carry-on bag for options. “We didn’t bring anything fancy enough to wear to a nice dinner.”

“I have a few button-ups,” Buck says, frowning at the options. “We could probably get away with those if we have dark jeans?”

“We are not the same size,” Eddie says, laughing when he sees Buck’s face furrowed in thought.

“So the shirt will be a little loose,” Buck says, “You never have to see these people again.”

“Fair enough,” Eddie says, “But I call the dark green one I know you have in there, you’re not making me wear orange.”

“It’s burnt sienna,” Buck huffs. “And fine, whatever you want. Just help me get through this meal tomorrow, and then we can finally go home when the aid gets here Friday.”

“No Maddie this year?” one of the Buckley’s friends ask as they arrive and take their assigned seats. Buck looks down at his little card labelled Evan, grateful that Eddie is seated next to him even if his card just says Guest.

“Oh you know,” Margaret says with a charming and insincere smile. “Traveling with children is so hard this time of year.”

“I remember those days,” the woman says, returning the fake smile. “Oh and look at your little Evan,” she says. “Didn’t you grow up big and strong.”

“Uh,” Buck says, freezing at the predatory look in the older woman’s eyes. “I guess so.”

“I have no complaints,” Eddie says, leaning over so he can give the woman a wicked grin.

“Oh!” she says, giving Margaret a scandalized look. “I didn’t know your son was a homosexual.”

She says the word like it burns her tongue to do so, and Eddie’s never hit a woman outside of combat training before but he’s feeling the need to make an exception.

Buck stops him with a well place hand on his knees, squeezing to tell him it’s not worth it.

“How is your son anyway, Agnes?” Buck asks. “Still in prison?”

“Evan!” Margaret chastises him. “Don’t be rude.”

Evan rolls his eyes but turns away from Agnes, turning his body and entire attention to Eddie.

“You’re terrible,” he whispers, still smirking at Eddie’s comment.

“You love it,” Eddie says, trying and failing not to sound unbearably fond.

The honest to god dinner bell rings before Buck can confirm or deny, but there’s no doubt in Eddie’s mind what his answer would be.

“The dinner was delicious, Mr. & Mrs. Buckley,” Eddie says, years of ingrained manners winning out temporarily over his desire to be petty. “Thank you for including me.”

“Of course, son,” Phillip says as they help him into the car and place the crutches securely out of the way.

Eddie and Buck share a quick incredulous look, but say nothing for the time being.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive, mom?” Buck offers. “It’s getting dark out.”

“It’s not far,” Margaret says, waving off the offer.

They’re nearly home, the only sound in the car the first hours of Christmas music from the local radio station, when Margaret speaks again.

“I’m sorry about Agnes,” she says, meeting Buck’s eyes briefly in the rearview mirror. “She never did have any tact.”

“It’s…” Buck says, before stopping, because it’s not ok. “Thank you,” he says instead.

Margaret nods, and then turns the radio volume up just enough to signify that the conversation is over.

Beside him, Eddie takes his hand between both of his own and rests them together on his knees, thumbs soothing the skin beneath them. Buck looks over at him gratefully and leans over to rest his head against Eddie’s shoulder as they ride on.

“Final night,” Eddie says after his turn in the shower, leaning against the doorway instead of joining Buck in bed immediately.

“Thank fuck,” Buck says. “They haven’t even been as bad as I expected, but just being here is so draining.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, “I’m not a fan of the walking on eggshells lifestyle.”

“Dinner was good though,” Buck says, patting his stomach. “Whoever they hired used seasoning and everything.”

“If we weren’t going to be on a plane in like twelve hours, I know you would’ve taken that whole apple pie home,” Eddie laughs. “I saw how you looked at it.”

“I’m a growing boy,” Buck says, leaning back on his arms where he sits on the bed.

“You’re absolutely not,” Eddie says, “pretty sure you stopped growing like ten years ago.”

“Nah,” Buck says, giving Eddie that little smirk that he knows is going to hurt his brain. “All my growing is just in one spot now.”

“Buck,” Eddie says, sighing.

“If you get what I mean,” Buck continues, gleefully.

“I get it,” Eddie says, rubbing his hand over his eyes. “I promise you I get it.”

“It’s my dick, Eddie,” Buck says, unperturbed. “The growing is in my dick.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Eddie says, unable to stop the amused smile on his face. “I don’t know why I like you so much.”

“Yeah?” Buck asks, giving Eddie a sharp-eyed look that has him gulping against his suddenly dry throat. “I like you too, you know. Really liked how you looked in my shirt tonight.”

“Buck,” Eddie says, frozen in place. “What are we talking about here? Playing boyfriends is one thing, but you’re looking at me like it’s not pretend, and I don’t know what to do about that.”

“Come here,” Buck says, reaching out a hand until Eddie manages to get his legs working again and walks over until he’s standing between Buck’s legs.

“Do you know what I realized this week?” he asks, taking one of Eddie’s hands in his.

Eddie shakes his head and waits, breathing in the scent of the bodywash they’ve been sharing coming off of Buck’s heated skin.

“I realized we didn’t even have to try,” Buck says, giving him a soft look. “We didn’t even do anything different besides a few pet names. And not one person thought we were faking it.”

“It was nice,” Eddie admits. “I didn’t realize how nice it would be. I just wanted to help.”

“Not your fault I’m in love with you,” Buck says, as if it’s not tearing him up inside to confess.

Looking into Buck’s crinkling eyes, Eddie realizes that maybe it’s not.

Maybe it doesn’t have to.

“I think I’ve been in love with you for years,” Eddie says. “I didn’t want to admit it, and I still haven’t really figured out all this sexuality stuff.”

“There’s no rush,” Buck says, softly, and the last of Eddie’s resistance melts away.

“I’m sure about you, though,” he says, using his free hand to cup Buck’s jaw. “Sleeping so close to you has been killing me.”

“No dying,” Buck orders, leaning into Eddie’s touch. “You should kiss me instead of dying.”

Eddie leans down and kisses him silent, Buck responding with matching enthusiasm, wrapping his calves around Eddie’s and pulling him as close as possible.

When they pull apart, Eddie tastes salt on his lips, and realizes with a shock that he’s crying.

“Shit,” Buck says, looking up at him with alarm. “Was it that bad? I thought it felt nice.”

“No,” Eddie reassures him, wiping at his eyes. “Not bad. It felt like… I can’t even find the words.”

“It’s ok,” Buck says, moving so that both hands are around Eddie’s waist, holding him in place and in one piece. “As long as it wasn’t bad.”

“It felt,” Eddie tries again, taking a breath and feeling Buck’s reassuring grip on him, “it felt like coming home.”

“Oh,” Buck says, grinning at him. “That’s pretty good, then.”

“Yeah, baby,” Eddie says. “It’s really good.”

“It’s never going to really be better with them, is it?” Buck asks as they fly somewhere over Oklahoma.

“Probably not,” Eddie says. “But I think it’s ok to love them, even if you don’t want them to be an active part of your life.”

“It wasn’t so bad this time,” Buck says, shrugging. “But they’re just never going to love me the way I wanted them to. Like Maddie loves Jee, or you love Chris.”

“The way we love Chris,” Eddie corrects him. “I know you adopted him in your mind the day you met him.”

“Yeah, well,” Buck says, choking up despite his best efforts. “He’s a really great kid, shut up.”

“And he loves the hell out of you,” Eddie says, “don’t forget that.”

“Please don’t make me cry on an airplane,” Buck says, laughing wetly.

“Fine,” Eddie acquiesces. “I’ll save my sappy speeches until we’re back in our own home. But just know they’re coming; I have a whole wooing plan.”

Buck just laughs before leaning in for a sweet kiss.

“Consider me wooed.”

The End.

[jamiesfootball]

Season two of the Ted Lasso rewatch and I am having some string feelings. Some strong feelers. Some shrimp about Ted and Jamie and how Ted really, really struggles between being Coach Shaped and being Dad Shaped when it comes to Jamie, and how Jamie is horrible at discerning either.

(Buckle up this is gonna be a long one)

Because what we start off with in season one is very much a man who is used to being Coach Shaped. He wants the boys to be inspired and to learn about life and to become the best versions of themselves that they can be. All of which could be very Dad Shaped, but in execution they’re not.

He steps back to let people grow, and sometimes that involves letting bullies be bullies so that the true leaders of the group can step up. Sometimes it’s letting Nate roast the other players- quite cuttingly at that - to get the team motivated. He’s directing the orchestra sure, but he’s not in the pit telling people how better to get along. He’s warm and welcoming, and he tries to foster good rapport and encourage people to talk to him and open up. He, dare I say it, actually has boundaries with people. He asked Rebecca in the first episode how she was holding up with the divorce, and when she seemed upset he noted it, offered a little commiseration, and moved right along without making a fuss.

And then he calls Jamie Tartt into his office to give him a compliment sandwich (“you’re a great athlete now pass the fucking ball and then you’ll be a super great athlete okay thanks”) and I think that’s where Ted’s boundary with Jamie first starts to erode. Because Jamie unintentionally ruins his whole fucking script. Jamie’s disaffected act crumbles at the first compliment. He’s sincerely taken aback by Ted’s praise, a little nervous and a little pleading. He breaks the rules of compliment sandwiching by demurring “well I work really hard”, which forces Ted to agree which is in a way TWO compliments, and when Ted tries to push through with his critique, Jamie ends up critiquing himself first about something completely different (“my left cross”), and then Ted has to wrestle them back to the actual critique, and the whole thing is just. Definitely not the ordeal Ted thought it would be.

So from early on we have these two working at cross purposes - because Ted thinks he’s being Coach Shaped, but the Shape he is doesn’t fit any Coach Jamie has ever had.

“what’s he like?”

“Great”

“…….”

“Well great at football”

“Yeah, I’ve know guys like that.”

And in return, Ted has known ‘guys like that’, competent athletes who are a necessary part of the game, but have such egos (“I’m not sure you realize how mentally healthy that is”) that Ted thinks he has to go to his players girlfriend for insight on how to motivate Jamie in the way that Ted needs for team cohesion.

So this is Ted trying to be Coach Shaped and give this kid a wake up call and this kid is so receptive that Ted barely had to lift a finger. But it doesn’t stick.

Ok. So next he attempts to give Jamie a book that he thinks will wake him up to the reality he’s living. He gave them to everyone. He’s still being Coach Shaped. He makes Roy and Jamie sit at the same table and tries to orchestrate a truce. He kinda gets there, but the next episode they’re still at each other’s throats. Jamie listened to Ted about the one in a million / one in eleven thing, but then Jamie ignored it. So he benched him. He’s Coach Shaped; it wasn’t personal.

Except Ted is not has not been anything Coach Shaped that Jamie could recognize, and football really is his life too. So it was very fucking personal. And here’s the first wrinkle in the narrative both of them have been telling themselves, because what does Jamie do? He fakes an injury and benches himself.

If Ted doesn’t think he should play, or doesn’t think that the way he’s playing is correct, then fine- he’ll make them both miserable. He just won’t fucking play. It’s kid logic at its finest. It’s cutting your nose to spite your face. ‘Well you said I wasn’t doing it right, so I won’t do it at all.’

It’s the same shit Jamie pulls on his dad when he leaves Man City to go be a reality tv star.

And it’s the first crack in the veneer between them, because the way Ted loses his shit at Jamie for it is not very Coach Shaped, but it is very very Dad Shaped. And unfortunately it was the sort of Dad Shaped that Jamie did recognize.

It’s the first loss of control Ted has in general, and it’s circling this player that Ted can’t seem to get a grip on.

And then there’s Jamie going to Keeley, and he’s got Manchester on his mind. It’s the first time we’ve heard him talk about the council estate he grew up in, and Keeley is telling him to stop battling people who want to help him. So he goes to the bonfire. And he talks about the fucking footprint his dad left in his wake. And he talks wistfully about his mom being proud. And this isn’t just about opening up to the team, it’s also about Jamie Tartt not battling Ted. Taking a risk that even if Ted isn’t very Coach Shaped, even if he appears closer to Dad Shaped than Jamie would like, whatever Ted is - Jamie is probably safe to be a little honest.

It’s not very Star Athlete With An Ego of him; but it’s very very Son Shaped.

“I was just starting to get through to him.”

Ted’s anger with Rebecca could be Coach Shaped. It could be. But it sure hurt him enough that it’s the first time he’s actually angry with Rebecca. Meanwhile Jamie was so hurt he had to tell everyone who would listen about it. Had to iterate that it was good riddance on being rid of Ted Lasso, because at least Pep was a proper Coach Shaped Coach. Someone who’d drill Jamie on the technicals. Someone who probably never once cared enough to pull him aside and tell him if he did a good job. Someone who probably assumed that’s what Jamie’s dad was for, showing up after matches.

“Good luck out there, Jamie!”

“Fucking mind games.”

Whatever Jamie already thought of Ted as a coach must’ve been rolling in the pit Jamie tried to bury it in, because Coach Shaped men don’t cheer you on when you’re playing for the other team. Pep wouldn’t do it if he still played for Richmond.

And maybe Coach Lasso does it for everyone he coaches. Probably. But it’s a very Dad Shaped thing. And fuck, Jamie’s actual fucking dad doesn’t cheer for him at all when Jamie isn’t playing for Manchester, so how’s Jamie supposed to know what it means?

Then there’s Ted, who just can’t help himself. Who can’t help but see potential in Jamie. And when he sees Jamie after the match, it’s a quick war on whether he should speak to him because in that instance Coach mode and Dad mode are in alignment.

Except reality hits as hard as a boot against the wall, because Jamie has a dad. And it’s not Ted. It’s not someone who’s come to tell him well done, or that he’s proud of the baby steps Jamie has taken, even though he’s been left to walk them alone. It is the opposite of what a father should be, but it’s taken up the mantle. Father Shaped. A thing of fury. A role fulfilled, not looking for new applicants.

Coach wins in that moment. Ted turns and walks away, and Jamie can finally see now in Ted Lasso the Coach Shape he’s familiar with.

Except even that can’t stick around and be familiar can it? Because while no one was looking, the Dad Shape in Ted scribbled him a little message. Left a note in his absence to let him know he was proud. Sent Beard with an army man, someone to lookout for Jamie and keep him safe. I’d say at this point a Ted Lasso couldn’t’ve drawn a line between Coach Shaped and Dad Shaped - this was a matter of pure human empathy, and decency, and an apology in its own way. I’m sorry for the roles we’ve been given. I’m sorry, but please know I care.

He walked away from Jamie and his dad. He didn’t have any obligation to Jamie. There was no more match to be won. Any involvement of Jamie Tartt in Ted’s life coulda woulda should’ve ended there.

“There’s something out there worse than being sad, and that’s being sad and alone. And ain’t nobody in this room alone.”

The look on Jamie’s face in that scene says it all. Because he is alone, but Ted clearly (desperately) doesn’t want him to be.

But being alone is better than being stuck in a room with James Tartt Sr.

Jamie doesn’t go to Ted first after Lust Conquers All. Why would he (think he had the right to)?

The first thing Jamie does do (after Keeley tells him it’s ok to go to Ted) when he meets Ted again is show him the Ted (Danson) Soldier. Ted may have made the gesture, and Jamie may have understood the meaning of it, but he does Not understand Ted. Not this Coach-but-Not-a-Coach. Still Jamie thinks he has the distinction down - what soft underbelly he thinks he needs to bare for this type of Coach to believe him when asks for a chance to come home.

“You were getting good minutes up at City.”

Ted redirects Jamie here in a very Coach Shaped way. He guides Jamie into admitting the real reason why he quit. He hears Jamie out, makes observations about how Jamie coming back would work from a team perspective, and makes only occasional eye contact. This is Ted clinging to a role that he’s used to, the one that comforts him in its ability to help other people.

(If there is something Dad Shaped in that scene, it’s an awful, haunting one. Not the one that Jamie grew up with, but the one that Ted grew up with. The one who took his son to play darts every Sunday for six years, who probably sat next to him and drank beer the way Ted does)

But Ted never set out to be anyone’s dad. He’s their Coach, and he has a responsibility to everyone on his team. It’s nothing personal; he’s just being a Coach.

They clink glasses. Cheers, and best of luck to your future endeavors.

There is something very tired about the way Jamie puts down his beer without taking a sip. He looks lost. He does not look surprised. (How could you have expectations for something you’ve never known? And how come that doesn’t make him feel any better about it?)

We don’t see Jamie after that.

We see Ted at training, worrying about Dr Sharon watching the team he’s made. He worries that she’s getting closer (metaphor). When Sam storms off the field, Ted is startled but relieved to follow. He doesn’t want self examination. He wants to be Coach. He wants to embrace the parts of coaching he’s always loved- helping other people improve and be better.

Sam tells him that he doesn’t want Jamie back on the team, and there’s a split second of relief from Ted because he made the right call.

Then Sam talks about his father, and how his father is grateful for Ted because with Ted around, he knows his son is safe. Because this has nothing to do with being Coach Shaped. Coach Shaped he may be in Sam’s life, but here’s Sam, who is very Son Shaped himself, and his father agreeing that Coach Lasso serves a greater purpose in Sam’s life than just being a supportive motivator. In their mind, in the absence of a father, Ted Lasso will do just fine. He will keep Sam safer than any little green army man.

That’s the final inexorable blurring of the lines for Ted, where the coach finally drops the ball to pay attention to the scraped knees that have been left behind.

Ted calls the Diamond Dogs meeting. Coach Beard and Coach Nate are very Coach Shaped indeed. What about the teamwork, Ted? “He’s the poop in the punch bowl.” Leslie is for bringing him back, but it’s for football reasons. It makes managerial sense.

But none of it means anything to Ted because at that moment he can not find it in himself to be Coach Shaped.

“I thought it was settled, but Sam went and unsettled it.”

“He reminded me that not everyone is lucky enough to have a good dad.”

“In sports aren’t we always on about second chances? Shouldn’t that apply to people too?”

This is not Coach Shaped. In some ways it’s not even Dad Shaped. But it is caring, and empathy, and wanting an excuse, any excuse, to try again. It is Love Shaped.

Ted Lasso is a coach to his team and a dad to a great little boy down in Kansas, and for Jamie Tartt he can try to fit on a third extra thing. Whatever that thing is called. Neither of them know what that thing is called. They’re too familiar with Coaches and too unfamiliar with Dads to know the difference.

[redxx95]

Tachibana & Kurosawa parallels that are making me go insane

Hey guys so I had some Thoughts that are not letting me go so I did some digging and now I'm gonna present yall with my findings. They are horrible. (Spoilers for volume 14)

So how this all started is me wondering if Kurosawa ever feels a little guilty about entering a relationship with Adachi, since things could've been a lot easier for him if he'd simply gone out with a woman (to him it would've been Fujisaki) instead. He often mentions Adachi could've been happy without him, after all.

Then I remembered this bit from the end of volume 14 about how Adachi doesn't know how to deal with advances because Kurosawa was always intercepting them for him and decided to properly translate all of it.

"Adachi felt guilty, but him not understanding the tactics of love or how to evade invitations is my fault. I don't want anyone to take him away, but I also don't want him to ever learn any of this. Of course I can't tell him that though."

Tactics of love, huh. You mean like...

Giving little compliments... (The phrasing here is almost the same in japanese except Tachibana is using polite speech)

Offering favors...

Invading personal space...

Going "hey you like this thing, why don't we do this thing together?" ...

Helping out when they're weak and vulnerable...

You mean tactics like that? Man it sure is convenient that Adachi remains blissfully unaware of any of this huh. Okay So. Before you raise your pitchforks at me, yes there's obviously some nuance in all of this. Kurosawa is doing all of this to befriend Adachi, first and foremost. He wants to be closer to him because he loves him. Tachibana (as far as I can tell) just wants to get in his pants lmao Also Adachi's a Grown Ass Man and can definitely make his own decisions, and it's not like he got really manipulated either, since he could read Kurosawa's thoughts and intentions the whole time. I could still see Kurosawa having some self-doubts about their relationship though, if he ever realizes that he might have "manipulated" Adachi into a relationship that is objectively worse for him, considering the alternative of being with a woman and completely evading all the problems they've had with homophobia. Not to mention that Adachi is clearly good with kids and might want some of his own, which is something he can't have with Kurosawa, since adoption requires couples to be married in Japan and gay marriage is illegal, as we know. What if Kurosawa ruined Adachi's chances to lead a happy life, for his own selfish reasons?

...

Now, here come my truly insane speculations about vol 15 and how this could tie in with drama around Matsuura :)

So on that last page she's clearly approaching Tachibana, who, as we can read pages before, wants to get black-out drunk to forget all his romantic woes. Which means he will be very talkative to a nosy Matsuura. There's no doubt in my mind that he'll reveal literally everything to her, how he wanted to go for this cute, inexperienced coworker named Adachi and how he got told to back off by his big scary boyfriend named Kurosawa. "Oh yea they work together at Toyokawa. I even told him it's really risky to date coworkers, can you believe it?!" Matsuura just goes "Oh that is Interesting."

She might even try to get under Kurosawa's skin by drawing parallels to his harassment in vol 1 and him pursuing Adachi, since Kurosawa has a higher position in their company and earns more, and Adachi being inexperienced. One could easily construe this as a power imbalance between them. Throw into the mix the issue of being "forced into a relationship that's looked down upon by society" and the looming threat of their relationship being revealed to their workplace and Kurosawa might truly spiral, maybe even breaking up with Adachi, just to fulfill yet another parallel to Tachibana.

Man would that be fucked up or what haha

[dayseedrawz2]

This is gonna be a Looooooong post.

I wrote so much-

This is practically a retelling of the entire episode so...

IF YOU STILL HAVENT SEEN EPISODE 2, PLEASE WATCH IT FIRST. UNLESS YOU ARE FINE WITH SPOILERS THAT IS.

Well, now that that's outta the way...

This was a CRAAAAAAAAAAAZY EPISODE!!!

I can't express ENOUGH how much I enjoyed this!!

Here are some highlights/thoughts I had during my first watch:

The new GLITCH intro looked pretty cool!!

The dream sequence at the beginning was really good!

We kinda get to see how Pomni really felt through the first day in her dream. And her fist impression on the others...

#PoorPomni

I wasn't expecting this to take place the day right after episode 1, but it makes a whole lotta sense.

We already saw this in the trailer, but the part where Pomni glitches through that block lol

Ragatha tried to comfort Pomni even when she was abandoned by her <33 ALSO-

#RaggapomREAL🤨

I got so hyped when Caine came on screen

I am so normal about him

Caine ominously stands for a few frames before starting the explanation of the adventure... hmm...

The maple syrup thing got me thinking (forgive me if I'm incorrect, but-) Isn't Caine's VA Canadian? If so it makes sense to have Caine and Maple syrup in the same room. (That was the first thing I thought of BEFORE the episode, btw)

"Sounds like alot of [BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP]."

"..."

"Bubble, you can't say that..."

Mmm, very good delivery 👌

Caine seemed kinda in a rush to get them out also...

"Hmm?" "No thanks, I'm trying to quit."

Oh.

Also another great line delivery

WAIT HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE-

CAINE IS THEIR GOD!?!?!?

"Look!! The princess is already friends with us, Pomni!!"

"Im not a child. You don't have to hype me up."

THE UNDER THE MAP SCENE.

MMMM ANOTHER VERY GOOD LINE-

Jax needs a life sentence for Gangle abuse >:(

Auzzie gators go brrr

"Do it, or I'll tell Ragatha about the figurine thing."

I'm sorry, WHAT-

GANGLE WHAT DID YOU DO-

(Fast forward a teensy bit)

HOLY FUCK.

Gummigoo coming across his own model...

Realizing that he never actually had a mom...

It was all just elaborate programming to give him a backstory...

ANYWAY

Fudge monster go brr

Wait-

He did what-

Aww, pomni trying to comfort Gummi was so cute...

She offered to take him back to the circus...

I'm sure he'll have a great time :)

Pomni, knowing how to break the game to get them out, was not what I was expecting.

But this whole episode is not what I expected, so here we are-

(One cool truck flying scene later...)

Blah blah blah, they end the adventure, Jax causes some chaos, and they finally take Gummigoo to his new home!

I'm sure he's gonna love it here in the c-

...

...

CAINE WHAT THE FUCK WE TRUSTED YOU-

*Sreams at my computer for 5 minutes*

*highlights this as if I wasn't screaming the entire episode*

#PoorPomni

...again

Oh wow, Zooble didn't abstract yippee :D

And then, the end scene...

HOLY FUCK, THE END SCENE...

The little funeral for Kaufmo oh my word-

And Pomni realizing that the others actually care...

They all got her back...

Daww...

I-I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING-

*The end card begins*

...

THAT'S IT!?!?

No, you can't just leave us with this!! Wh-

Aaaaaand that was my experience! :>

I... am not okay rn...

What are yall's thoughts???

[kit-kat-jo]

My Murder Drones Finale Analysis... 2/2 - 1/2

jesus, imagine getting your entire life force RIPPED out your body, and being able to look back at it. i feel like this is only a taste of what the dissassembly drones went through during transformation.

uzi desperately trying to scoop her core back into her gaping open chest will haunt me for life, i think. and her hands haven't regenned yet, leaving her to scramble even more. absolutely. horrific. probably gonna be the most gruesome moment in this series for me altogether. didn't even notice N getting yoinked away there lol

this whole sequence as well… we, or N starts hearing a second voice while she repeats “let me in,” but who is it?? the actual cyn? one thing i know for sure though, is here is where N starts to get his past flashbacks, specifically of being torn apart and transformation. fuuuucked. up

i realize now that Uzi’s protecting her core from Cyn’s callback pings in all the times she’s grabbing at her chest, but at first i really thought she was terrified of losing her core again. which: UNDERSTANDABLE GIRLIE!! MY heart?? broke.

so, N did see the actual Cyn while he got tore open. and now he’s having proper trauma flashbacks and getting back bits and pieces. this absolutely breaks my heart, seeing how desperately panicked he gets, watching memories of what i’m only assuming is V being transformed. my sweet baby. for a moment i thought for sure he was going into a full panic attack. it’s a good thing hand holding pulled him out of a full on episode, but i think this man deserves a nice big breakdown after everything to process all the shit he’s been through. pretty sure V needs the same thing, having held onto these memories a whole lot longer. post series group therapy sesh?

i think i'm gonna hear CALLBACK PING in my nightmares, actually.

AND THIS IS WHERE I FUCKING CRY!!! after everything, after learning J was never on their side, V breaks. she needs to let everything out in the open to N. her apology and genuine emotion is so, so important to me… she LOVES him! always did! and it fucking hurt to have to hide like she did, only for it to all be a trick! she wanted to be honest with him this whole time, but she was so scared! she felt like she HAD to resort to acting resentful towards him and pushing him away! it gets me so, so bad.

and then N sacrifices his own safety to save her.

also teefs.

sorry

oh god. when V realizes that she’s only led N to his death… and that this long ago promise was only one big trick… everything falls down around her. she desperately grasps at being able to fix this. she blames herself. as Eternal Dream plays in the background… it was always their song, man. it was always V singing to N. so many of the lyrics fucking HURT now, putting it into this bittersweet context.

“let my body keep you warm, let my essence be your breeze, can you hear me calling? please look out for me. can you set me free?” it was always a love letter to N. (platonically. i see it platonically, better yet, in a sibling way.) the wishes she had for him to know everything. for them to be together. for her to not have to hide. to go home, to be set free from her neverending dream. it’s all so horrible and lovely and poetic to me. she deserves everything. they deserve everything.

and then her expressions as Cyn’s about to eat N’s heart, agonizingly slowly, staring her straight in the eyes so mockingly to pour salt in the colossal gaping wound. HEGGDHHSGSGGH💔

on a side note, i find it so interesting how, seemingly, a drone’s core magnetically gets yanked back to the body as soon as it gets a tiny chance. very ehm… helpful.

bi uzi tho. QUEEEEEEN PROUD OF HER FOR COMING OUT 💜

“glad you’re not dead or whatever.” waaaahahahh. they care for each other. bwuhuhuhh.

here, howd she stop letting the callback ping effect her….? just from being cringe and free?…. queen i guess?

also, she can effectively control the solver without cyn making it go crazy anymore. is this a result of just practicing and gaining more control over it? she’s just built different? or another plot hole? shrug noise. i said i was oddly okay with the plot holes, so that stands true here too.

nori already flinging herself into mom mode with her terms of endearment had me CRYING BRO!!! development!! she went from “i caused every horror in her life,” i gotta stay away from her, to HELL YEAH THAT’S MY DAUGHTER, KICKING ASS!! mom of the year ❤️

the entire fight scene was SO GOOD!!! i need AJ Dispirito’s “Bite Me” song injected into my bloodstream RIGHT NEOOWW!!

i’m obsessed with seeing them hold hands to calm each other down after a moment that affects one of them. it’s my favorite thing. we came so far from episode 6…… wipes tear

the lyrics focused on these two here is interesting to me… V saying to let her go, Uzi saying she’s not worth saving… either i’m looking too deep into it or OUCH GUYS NOOHOHO, MY SWEETIES

this had to be giffed. also, i love these scenes breaking the immersion several times and showing that all this time the nightcore is just playing through uzi’s ipod in the distance. absolutely genius.

i’ll admit, i was so confused from the black hole scene at first. but now i understand somewhat. after uzi grabbed her core and formed a [null,] she essentially had cyn’s life force. all those times she got away by turning herself into a black hole and floating off... that was essentially HER. in the void here, cyn had to try and get it back to come back to the living, like a drone putting their core back in their chest but in a weird, eltrich cyn way, i guess? instead of her core, its the manifestation of the solver itself? cyn’s and tessa’s bodies are so far gone, that all that’s left is the solver? and as soon as uzi saw what was happening, she knew she couldn’t have it back.

she fucking eated it…. homph. that was not on cyn’s bingo card. the eyes are HILARIOUS

awwwww husband wife reunion! she is so uzi’s mother.

and now, before we get into the end of things, my vizzy propaganda. not only did lizzy KNOW that v wasnt dead, and distracted j for her, but now, in @ottterpops' words, the sentinel is just like the pet she doesn’t want. its her and v’s daughter now, it’ll grow on her for sure : )

and now, my chosen video! :D

EVERYTHING about this scene, N calling for her, the HUG, him squeezing the LIFE out of her, her noises of getting choked and giggling, sent arrows straight through my heart, THEYRE SUCH CUTIES AAUHHHHG!! n spinning her around and throwing her in the air, her tackling v, ugh! THEY GOT THEIR HAPPY LITTLE ENDING!

she’s a fucking mary sue guys, ohhhh my lord. the eyes are so so cool though, they literally look like a sunset. she is living her best mary sue life now, jesus christ. she deserves it ❤️

uzi, uzi my beloved. she feels like a dear, dear friend, my sweet little emo who goes through the horrors and comes out of it with all her unhinged goofy cringe. i love her so, so much, and i’m SO fucking proud of these three. they deserve the happiest little life together.

and lastly, end credits!!! during the series rewatch, my friends and i joked that the finale should involve n getting to play a game of cards with everyone. and HAHA SKFHSJCKSJDHDJS

oh they’re def watching a scary movie… look at the way they hold onto each other, i’m done 😭😭 if i redraw anything, it’s gonna be this first tbh.

i ran out of space for images again, but! the solver still being alive in uzi is so good, she’s gonna be a real pain in the ass… the implications this brings up is so fun to think about, ugh the possibility for spinoff series is crazy! i’ll be waiting with baited breath for more content from glitch, whatever it may be! i’ll be happy!

alright, this is probably the longest frickin post i’ve ever made. but god, did i love this show. i’m so grateful my friend got me into it, and i can’t wait to continue loving it, rewatching it and messing with my stories for as long as that’s gonna last.

thank you Murder Drones, Glitch, and Liam Vickers. now to waste money that i don’t have on merch!! 💫

[vampzzi]

TOO MUCH?

Simon "Ghost" Riley x gender neutral reader

cw; cheating, creampie, closet sex, phone sex (but you're on the phone with soap), minor hair pulling, threatening, simon being rough with you, reader is black

author's note; small little drabble for you guys, I have another I'm gonna post tomorrow

“F-fuck..” you’re grinding against Simon’s cock in the darkness of a closet, the only light source being the text’s from Soap. You can’t even answer them because you’re being filled by Soap’s lieutenant. This is utter madness because on one hand, you love Soap to death but holy shit, the way Simon’s cock reaches deep inside your hole has you almost blacking out.

You continue grinding as you hold eye contact with him while the phone buzzes in the background along with the occasional wet sounds from the stickiness down there. Simon hisses “fucking hurry up, I don’t have all day” his hand coming up and grabbing on your hair, holding it firmly in his hand while he tugs at it egging you to hurry up.

“A-alright, shit give me a minute” , securing your hands on the floor as you drag yourself all the way up to the tip before slamming back down, biting your lip to suppress a moan that wants to be let out. He’s leaning against the wall while you fuck yourself on his cock, slowly dragging up and then quickly coming back down. The pace is rough but slow, you guys are still not out of the clear, from someone hearing.

The way your insides deliciously wrap around his cock while you could feel his cock pulsing inside you had you shutting your eyes and picking up the pace. “Easy..” he says in a low tone as you listen to him and keep your pace rough but gentle. Staying in your place while you grind and bounce on his dick.

The sound of your ringtone fills your ears as you look down at the black screen that says “Soap”, Simon takes this as a chance to completely stop your hips. “Answer it. Don’t want him worrying, do you?” he’s taunting you, scowling as you pick up the phone and push the accept button. “H-Hi, Soap!” you try to say as normally as possible, “Hi Babe, why haven’t you been answering my texts? Are you okay?” he sounds concerned as hell, fuck fuck fuck.

“Misplaced my mmm phone while doing something” Simon starts fucking into you as you he grabs both your hips and comes close enough for only you to hear “Don’t make it fucking obvious what’s going on or you won’t come out of here in one piece”. 

The way it comes out has you clenching as he removes his cock and you turn your head while he pushes you down and your necklace hits the ground with a loud sound while he slides right back in with a harsh thrust. “Are you okay? Thought I heard something break” you completely forgot about Soap while Simon is thrusting into you rough and deep, stroking your walls with his big cock. 

“I-I fuckk.. dropped s-something” Simon has your hips in an iron grip on your hips while one hand trails up your body and he pinches your nipple and you have tearing threatening to spill while he fucks you and abuses your sensitive nipples. This whole situation is too much for your mind, he’s fucking into you like his life depends on it.

“As long as you’re okay” his voice trails off as you can just feel the smile through the phone, you feel guilty for doing this to him but you can’t help it. Hanging out with his friends and Simon just having his eyes burning into you for the past 3 weeks, you couldn't help yourself.

He’s still fucking into you, using his arm to hide his own grunts and huffs of pleasure. He knows this is wrong too, the way his cock strikes your sweet spots within you to the point where you just want to curl up and roll your eyes all the way back. There’s stained tears on your face and long silence from Soap’s end while Simon holds his eye contact with you, you can just tell he’s smug and getting off to this.

You feel something burning within you and you realize you’re gonna orgasm on his cock and you can’t help but the turn the phone away as you arch your back and completely let loose “FFUCKK S-SIMONN” he puts his hand over your mouth, muffling your loud screaming as he thrusts sloppily multiple times into you before creaming inside you. 

You turn your phone back to see the call has ended and you really hope that was on your part, But the next message that you read is horrifying to your heart, “You’re both sick.” you point the phone in Simon's direction as he just chuckles. “Well, doesn’t that sound like a problem for himself” he pulls out of you as the cum leaks out and breathes heavily. “I’m fucked Simon” is the only thing you say. “Yeah, you’re fucked” you can’t help but chuckle at that.

[alyswritings]

Drugs

Request: JJ x sister reader. Summary: Y/n gets caught with drugs on her, like maybe jj or john b found them. But they flush them out thinking she is taking them, however they weren’t for her and now her dad will be pissed.

JJ Maybank x sister!reader

Summary: JJ and John B find drugs in Y/N's bag.

Warnings: drugs, that's it really

a/n: thank you for the request! hope you all enjoy!

(gif not mine)

"Hey, man, you got a charger?" John B asks. "Mine broke."

"Uh... yeah. Should be in the nightstand or something." JJ says.

John B goes into the room and looks around for the charger.

"I can't find it." John B calls out.

"Um... oh! You know what? I gave it to Y/N. Check in her bag." JJ says.

"Uh... J?" John B calls after a few seconds.

"You find it?" JJ asks.

"Not exactly." John B walks out of the room, holding a bag up. "You're gonna be pissed."

"What? She break it?" JJ asks before looking up and freezing. "Is-- is that what I think it is?"

"Coke? Yeah." John B nods.

"Are you fucking kidding me? What is she, a fucking idiot?" JJ gets up and walks over.

"What do you wanna do?" John B asks.

"Get rid of this shit and then fucking kill her." JJ says.

- - -

Y/N gets to the chateau, JJ and John B barely acknowledging her arrival. She goes to the bedroom and knowing she needs to go give Luke his drugs now. She grabs her bag and unzips it, looking for the bag of drugs. Her eyebrows furrow when she doesn't find them and she digs through the contents.

Dumping everything out onto the bed, she rifles through it.

"Looking for something?" Y/N jumps at JJ's voice, finding him leaning against the doorway.

"Uh... it just-- look, there was--"

"You had coke? Yeah, we know." JJ says.

"You-- well, where is it?" Y/N asks.

"Um... definitely long gone by now." John B says, standing by JJ.

"Wh-- do you guys know how expensive that shit is? I don't have more money for that!" Y/N exclaims.

"Good. Cause you don't need more of it. Weed's one thing, dumbass, coke is a whole different ball game." JJ says.

"Do you realize how much that cost?!"

"It's gonna cost you your fucking life if you don't stop. And I would prefer to die before you." JJ says.

"You-- oh, my God, you think it's mine?" She asks.

"Why else would you have it?!" JJ questions.

"Yeah, that, uh, holding it for a friend excuse doesn't work. Especially when all of your friends are us." John B says.

"Dad made me get his drugs!" Y/N exclaims making JJ freeze.

"What?" JJ quietly asks.

"Dad made me go get them from that fuckhead Barry! What, you really thought I would do drugs? After growing up with him? Are you fucking joking?!" Y/N asks.

"Y/N, I-- I was just worried." JJ says.

"Yeah, well, now I get to come back here black and blue when I go home and tell dad I lost his fucking drugs!" Y/N screams, shoving past both boys and storming outside.

"Wa-- wait, Y/N! Y/N!" JJ chases after her. "Y/N, stop! Hey!" He barks, finally getting her to turn back.

"What?" She asks.

"There's no way in hell you're going home. He's gonna fucking kill you."

"And whose fault is that?" Y/N bellows, JJ flinching a little, guilt consuming him.

"Look, I'm sorry. Okay? I just-- I didn't think that dad would send you to pick up his drugs. And-- and I thought you were taking them which scared the fucking hell out of me cause God knows I can not lose another person to that shit."

Y/N softens a little, but she's still mad.

"Look, I-I'll go, and I'll take the blame. I'll say you lent me your bag and I lost the drugs, he'll take it out on me." JJ says.

"That doesn't make me feel much better." Y/N grumbles.

"Well, it's better me than you. All right? You know that."

"That's not better. Maybe to you, but it's not like you deserve for him to beat you up. Especially every time you take the heat for something I did."

"I'm older. It's my job to make sure you don't get hurt. And then I'll try to pick up some extra shifts and I'll get the money for his shit and we can get him more of that bullshit. All right?"

"I'm not letting you go home." Y/N states. "I'll help John B to tie you to the fucking bed if I have to. You're not going home. This could push him too far and it'd be warranting a fucking death sentence."

"Y/N/N..."

"No. I'm gonna knock you out, tie you up, whatever. You're not going. We'll figure out the money and then go home when we have the drugs."

"We're probably gonna get hit then, anyways. Especially if he gave you a certain time to get the drugs and you missed it. He'll kill you."

"Okay, so, can we just not fucking deal with it right now? We're both so stubborn, how about we just stay here? Whoever doesn't go home the longest wins."

"You realize we grew up with me letting you win games, right?"

"You did not." Y/N argues.

"I did." JJ nods. "Unless it was some sort of word game or something."

"Okay, well, then... first one to go home has to-- has to do something really disgusting. Or... or kiss John B."

"Ew." JJ grimaces.

"Exactly." Y/N says. "Just... neither of us go home alone."

"Fine. Fine, I won't go home." JJ relents.

"If I see you with a different skin tone later, I'm killing you myself." Y/N threatens.

"Duly noted. Sorry I, uh... sorry I fucked it all up." JJ says. "He shouldn't be making you get your drugs, anyway."

"Yeah, trust me, I agree. But he's a piece of shit. What else would you expect?" Y/N rolls her eyes.

JJ wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side, and he ruffles her hair.

"I'm an idiot, but you're stuck with me." JJ says.

"You sure 'bout that?" Y/N asks.

"You're gonna have to kill me if you ever wanna get rid of me. It's also my job to annoy the hell out of you and I plan to fulfill that role." JJ grins.

Taglist: @glxwingrxse @venomsvl @wildieflower @aliciacat20 @allyson15 @gabbylovesreading @itsmaneskinbitch @mrvlxgrl @star-wars-lover @champomiel @ironmaiden1313

[sameschmidtdiffname]

i recently had a thought about the reader's online friend!josh futterman, like if these two actually KNOW each other irl but have no idea about it because they use nicknames

i'd really appreciate it if you'd write something like this and I hope my description of it makes sense i used a translator for this lol

in love with your writing btw !!! <3

Bbgirl I gotCHUUUUU

Familiar Strangers

A Josh Futturman x Gender Neutral! Reader Series

Summery: They always say you never know when you'll meet Mister Right. But damn. This is a new level.

Tags: No use of Y/N, no gender specific pronouns for Reader, coffee shop AU, Josh never wins 'Biotic Wars' AU, fluff, meet cute, online friends who don't realize they're friends irl as well, brief mentions of smut, otherwise SFW.

Notes: Alright, first actually planned series! Is it gonna be a slowburn with twenty parts? A mini series? Who the fuck knows! Not me! Let's pray, mfers.

                                 ¤•1•¤

                    °☆>》Maggie's《<☆°

"Please tell me there's a chance for us," she says with baited breath. "Don't tell me you're walking away."

The atmosphere of the small, brick walled coffee shop is calm for 10 o'clock in the morning, but I'm not complaining. God knows I prefer this over the alternative anyways.

"You know that I can't answer that," Oshua says to Tiger, agitated.

This guy, always trying to be mysterious.

"I've waited for you my whole life. You could give me a goddamn-"

The ring of the shop bell tears me from my reading, my head darting up to see who has come to disturb my morning of peace and fiction.

"Hi!" The customer says in overly bright voice. One look at the man and I already know he's the chatty type, not willing to just duck in and out, keys jingling from the black belt on his hip as he flashes a bright, genuine smile, waving his hand enthusiastically while keeping the other in his pants pocket.

Motherfucker.

"Hi!" I try to return with the same bright smile and tone, but I feel irritation spike into my chest as I hear the soft 'click' of my phone shutting off. "Welcome to Maggie's, what can I get you?"

Gentle sunlight streams in through the permanently clouded bay windows of the shop, illuminating the store in its warm glow that just makes a morning feel particularly peaceful. There isn't much foot at this point in the morning, most people already having arrived to work an hour or so earlier, myself included. It was a busy enough part of town, a good location for a coffee shop to thrive, especially with the loyal flow of customers from Kronish Laboratory, a tall, dull building dedicated to scientific research, and the little coffee shop that signs my checks often had the pleasures (read: irritations) of dealing with said researchers and keeping them alive while they work on the miracle cure for herpes. Most of them being particularly rude and short about their orders, usually in a rush for a regular cup of black coffee and swiping it from my hand before storming out to resume their endless work typing away at a computer to log their samples after what must be their too short lunch break. Or maybe too long. Can never tell with those assholes. Most of which I know through mental nicknames. It's partially because I'm no good at actual names. And partially my own form of disrespect and entertainment. Come on, you do it too.

"I don't know," the unfamiliar man says brightly, placing his hands on his hips as he looks at the chalkboard sign hanging behind my head. "What do you like?"

'Whatever gets you out of here the fastest,' I think. But instead I say "Well, what exactly are you looking for? Tea, coffee," the door, "smoothies?"

"Hit me-" gladly. "-with a tea," the bright man says just so... brightly.

Thank you for being so descriptive. "What kind?" I ask, trying to keep my smile sweet.

"Whatever you like," he says with a shrug.

"Vanilla chai?"

"Sure!"

I need to stop being so irritable when someone interrupts my reading. I'm not even allowed to be on my phone at work technically, except the manager generally doesn't care so long as I at least make half an effort to hide it and don't do it in front of customers. And maybe I wouldn't even really care about the interruption except I've been waiting for the release of this part for two weeks, and Nick had been so secretive about the ending he didn't even let me beta read the work before posting.

"What's got you in such a mood?" I ask the smiling man, turning to begin making the drink. Oh, size.

"What do you mean?" He asks, raising his brows, still smiling. Brightly.

"You're like a big... ball of sunshine," I say, gesturing towards him before holding up a small and large cup, now gesturing the two like they were on scales to silently ask his preference.

"Oh, I'm just excited this morning. I'm not usually like this," he says, laughing a little as a small blush grows on his nose, glancing down at the floor before returning his gaze to the cups, pointing at the small.

"Yeah?" I ask, putting the large cup away.

"Yeah. Finished a big project this morning, so I'm like," he shrugs, now scratching the back of his head as he tries to subdue his smile, pressing his lips together and now crossing his subtly built arms across his chest.

"Well, congrats," I say. There's a small moment of slightly awkward silence as the tea quickly brews, both of us not really sure what to say next. This is the part I hate about customer service. I feel bad if I'm not constantly keeping them engaged, but if they're constantly talking I wish they would shut the fuck up. I already can't read regular conversation cues, there's just no winning with this shit.

"I like your uh..." the man I've decided will henceforth be known as Sunshine drawls. "Apron."

I look down at myself, taking note of the dandelion yellow cloth stained with coffee at the bottom from an hour ago when it accidently dipped into a puddle of the stuff while I was cleaning up a spill someone hadn't even told me about only half an hour after opening.

"Thanks," I say, looking back up. "Company issued."

"Oh, we match!" Sunshine jokes, pointing at his grey jumpsuit. Alright, the man may be way too energetic for the morning, but at least he's entertaining about it. I take an actual look at his attire now, a janitors outfit with what I should've expected to be a Kronish Laboratory logo right above his name sewn onto the suit.

"That we do..." I glance at his nametag. "Futturman."

"Fut-turman, not Foot-turman," Sunshine corrects me.

"Oh shit. Shoot. Sorry, man," I laugh awkwardly, offering an apologetic smile as I pour the warm, steeped tea over the ice.

"Iced in Febuary?" He asks, giving me enough grace to not focus on the subject.

I feel my own blush creep onto my skin, a side effect from the name jumble and realizing I hadn't asked his preference. Get your head in the game, idiot.

"I can make you another, if you'd like," I offer sheepishly.

"No!" He blurts, straightening his posture and leaning against the counter. "I mean-" he coughs awkwardly, glancing away. "No, iced is good. I like iced, just uh- figured you... wouldn't have the same preference."

Please, God. It's too early for this.

"I don't like the hot to room temperature texture," I say awkwardly, searching for a lid. "Too... I don't know. Iced to room temperature is better."

"Totally agree," Sunshine says quickly.

Glad to know neither of us can interact with humans properly.

Another moment of awkward silence, except I know what to say this time.

"So, you work at the lab?" I ask. For the small moment I didn't have his attention, he seemed to be surveying the small cakes on display inside the counter beside me, looking at a little white cake with strawberry coating on top before turning back to me.

"Oh! Yeah, no, I just- Carl told me about the place, said I had to try it out," he says, shifting his weight as he stands. "Good vibes and all that."

"Carl..." I say, trying to remember if I've known a Carl.

"Big, like," he gestures his hands long then wide. "Works security, looks like," he makes a sort of stern, almost mean mug face. At that it clicks.

"Oh! Carl!" Deftones Guy. "Yeah, I know him," I say with a more relaxed smile, chuckling a little.

"Yeah, said you guys discuss music sometimes," he says, nodding enthusiastically like he's glad we know the same person.

"A little," I say, placing the drink on the counter. "Alright, Mr. Futturman. $6.70 is your total."

The dark haired man nods, pulling out a green wallet with an emblem on the front from one of his deep pockets. I try to get a clear look simply out of curiosity, but his large, tanned hand covers it too much for me to see what it is.

"Here you are," he says, handing me his card. There's more silence, this time comfortable as I swipe it, our machine beeping twice in decline. At the third beep, Sunshine begins to shift his weight again, licking and biting his bottom lip nervously.

"There should be money on there," he says with a nervous chuckle.

"Oh, it's the machine. It doesn't like working," I clarify. "One sec."

Quickly, I pound my palm into the righthand top corner of the device, right under the chip reader before inserting the blue, cloud covered card once more and waiting for the transaction to clear. At the much more calm, non-nuclear level beep we both breathe a sigh of relief as I return the card to him with a smile.

"Alright," he says with that bright tone to his voice once more. "Now I can see what's up."

We both can.

"I hope you have a good day, Mr. Futturman," I say brightly, still a tad pink from leftover embarrassment.

Sunshine nods and smiles at me, toasting his drink before turning from me and beginning to walk away, taking a sip of his drink and humming in approval, turning quickly and giving me a thumbs up before tripping over his own foot and stumbling into the door like a bit of an idiot, making me giggle slightly before I make myself look away to give him the same grace he'd given me earlier. And with that last exchange he's gone, and I'm free to return to my art.

The tall man looked sadly at- ah shit, I jumped ahead.

"I've waited for you my whole life. You could give me a goddamn answer, Future Man!" Tiger spat in anger and frustration, forcing the emotions she could barely even allow herself to feel overwhelm her in her attempts to communicate.

Emotional angst for my bright morning. God bless, Nick.

-

As I push open the door to my apartment, my phone is buzzing with still silent notifications of what I can guarantee are Tumblr sourced. More specifically, Tumblr messaging sourced. As I push the door shut with my foot, one glance at my old, outdated phone confirms my thoughts.

felinehusband: Okay, give it to me straight.

I smile at the notification, allowing my oversized bag filled with too many items to clatter to the ground loudly, unlocking my phone and responding quickly.

icanfixhimdotorg: Dude.

I walk as I type, entering the kitchen and opening the door to the small freezer to see which cheap meal I'll try not to nuke tonight.

felinehusband: Dude? ,:)

I smile at the message, picking out chicken teriyaki as I hit send.

icanfixhimdotorg: Worth. The. Wait.

I cross to the beaten microwave, the appliance cheap and secondhand from Facebook marketplace. It's honestly a miracle the thing hasn't blown up in my face or given me detectable cancer, but despite the large dent on the side, still usable. Google said if the door still seals and there's no opening, it was safe. And it got that dent from me dropping it on the way inside the apartment on move in day after I already paid $50 for it after getting it from some overworked mom who hardly wanted to even charge that low. I sure as hell wasn't gonna get a refund, or anything functional for cheaper.

I leave my phone on the counter as I open the frozen meal, vent the film and slap it inside. Now to wait for seven minutes.

felinehusband: Oh thank GOD. I've been anxious all day.

I chuckle softly, smiling as I lean against the permanently grimy counter.

icanfixhimdotorg: I don't know why!! You always post such good work :)

felinehusband: Well, I post work that always has good reception.

icanfixhimdotorg: The difference?

felinehusband: ... I'll get back to you on that one lol

I tap my foot against the floor, listening to the muffled echo mix with the loud hum of the microwave as I stare ahead at the mint green, poorly painted wall in front of me.

icanfixhimdotorg: No cervix penetration?

There's plenty of ways to meet friends. I didn't not bank on responding to a request for beta readers for fanfiction for some moderate, slowly dying game fandom to be one of them.

felinehusband: ONE TIME!

The quick response makes me laugh, clicking off my phone as I turn my attention now to my waiting meal that I'm going to devour much too quickly while working lines for my production.

Nick and I started chatting about six months ago. I had already been following him for some of his shit posts, midnight blogging, and when he started posting fanfiction I was one of his first readers.

'Biotic Wars' doesn't have a particularly big following on Tumblr as it used to. When the game first came out, people were going insane over how to beat the final level. The community thrived from memes, overly elaborate theories, fanfiction, you name it. It helped that there was a huge boost in the gaming community in general around the time it came out, what with 'Five Nights at Freddy's' cranking out sequels faster than anyone could keep up with, 'Undertale' breaking out onto the scene a little bit later. The gaming side of Tumblr was alive and thriving, and the amount of overlapping there was between fandoms only made it bigger. That was how I found the fandom personally. That and binging several different speed-running videos.

At the point Nick came onto the scene, most had generally lost their interest in the unbeatable 'Biotic Wars.' The fans that remained did so out of genuine interest or hyperfixation instead of temporary trends, and while good work was still being posted, everyone had at that point either begun to shift their own writing focuses, lost time to post frequently, or shifted to other platforms such as Archive of Our Own and had stopped crossposting to their Tumblr. So a decent, well paced, new angst fic following a lone Wolf and Tiger reminiscing on their old journies together as they attempted to survive a bitter winter night without any supplies other than an old tarp being used as their only attempt of shelter as they attempt to ride out a storm after a mission gone wrong popped onto the scene, people were immediately captivated. And even though it was a one-shot, the work received enough attention that a spin-off fic was posted within the following 48 hours. And once those two had blown up, Nick was quickly recognized in the community for his content, shitposts and fics alike. And he was very lucky to have overwhelming positive feedback. Until his first smut, that is.

icanfixhimdotorg: Nico, baby. It's an important first step for every smut writer.

Oh, it was brutal. First, he decided to go off the deep end by just jumping straight into some tenticle situation for poor Tiger. Now, granted, he did post a poll before hand asking if we readers would enjoy the consumption of some outrageous shit, to which 78.8% of voters said yes, myself included. But when reading a 'baby's first smut' fic, one doesn't really expect... that. But I'll admit, it was surprisingly good quality. Until the cervix penetration.

"Coiling in her womb." Yeah, Tumblr had a fun day with that one.

It took less than a day for him to post that he was searching for smut consultants and beta readers, to which I responded both out of genuine interest and a bit of pity since I was sure his ask box was filling with several new comments. No one was surprised when he ended up turning off anon for a few days. And since I had responded to quite a few of his works/posts already, I was one of the lucky few selected for such a job since he recognized me. And once the doorway was opened for casual chatter, both of us just kind of never stopped. Either by constantly responding to each others posts, automatic reblogs at each notification of a new post, or messaging each other about our days kept us both sane as we tried to just survive each new day as adults.

I look up from my notebook where my tragic script is scratched across the $0.75 college notebook as I lazily attempt to memorize my lines while mostly keeping my eyes trained on the old TV in front of me to check the buzz from my phone, swiping it open to read the new message.

felinehusband: So how's season four going?

icanfixhimdotorg: Dude.

I watch the screen until I feel the phone buzz once more in my hand.

felinehusband: No spoilers!! I'm still trying to push through season three for you ;)

Nick was sweet. Good for a joke, claims he's a little awkward, but a good friend. Sweet enough that about two months ago he'd let it slip he'd begun watching my favorite show simply because "If I have to see you go insane over animated anthropomorphic animals interacting with humans again without context, I'm gonna lose it."

icanfixhimdotorg: Binge it!! You're gonna lose your mind!!

felinehusband: You're gonna delay part 10 lmao

As I take the last bite of my meal, I realize the time, sighing as I begin to do the mental math of how long I have until practice tonight. Knowing how little time I have to prepare, I pause the episode and type one last quick text.

icanfixhimdotorg: If it does, it's worth it honestly. You won't believe this shit, Nick.

As I stand from the sagging, horrendously textured couch I catch his parting message while I stretch, popping about five different spots in my back.

felinehusband: Okayokay, if it means I can read your over the top rants again, it's worth it :)

icanfixhimdotorg: Excellent. Got to go, showering for practice tonight.

I trail quickly through the small apartment, grabbing whatever clothes are passable in public while remaining comfortable enough to sleep in when I immediately collapse into my bed around 11 tonight, an old, tattered, turquoise towel I'd stolen from my parents when I moved out, and grabbing my soap from the kitchen sink before making my way to the bathroom. Listen, Seventh Generation is cheap and works just as good on the human body as it does on dishes, alright? I'm trying to get a mortgage one day.

As I wait for the water to shift from its arctic temperature to something more bearable, I check my phone one more time to quickly reblog a gifset and read Nick's departing message.

felinehusband: Knock 'em dead, Mercutio :)

felinehusband: Also, I need some input later tonight for this like. Slowburn thing. May be an AU. Not sure, we'll see. I'm thinking coffee shop

Ah, yes.

icanfixhimdotorg: A classic.

                             >¤》○《¤<

I'm making no current promises on how frequently I update this series. Hopefully it'll be something I can work on while working and such, but we'll see what happens. My current hope is to post at minimum one request and hopefully one part for this series per week. However I will warn one of my current projects is about to wrap up, meaning I'm going to have to focus on that next week as much as possible, meaning I probably won't get anything done writing wise next week unless I aim for a drabble or headcanons. And even then I'm not sure I'll have time for actually editing and such, so don't be surprised if the only content you get next week is some rambles like I've been doing for Peeta lately or nothing at all. Alright, love y'all!! Stay safe, stay healthy <33 see you next time.

Taglist:

@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 . Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3

               •▪︎Masterlist▪︎•

[obsessedelusional]

The New Girl

masterlist

parings ✦ eddie munson x reader

summary ✦ It’s your first day at a new school and your a nervous wreck. Sitting at a random table of boys might just change your life for the better when their leader take a special interest in you.

authors note ✦ I spend so much time writing Eddie fics and oneshots. I have a whole ass 40+ chapter finished fic I have yet to share with the world just cause I am too scared. Decided to start lightly with this and maybe post more in the future. Let me know what you think, good or bad. lol I think my problem is I’m so worried about my grammar and shit that I never post. So if that has a bunch of errors I’m sorry

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

You spent all summer dreading this day, your first day as a senior at Hawkins High. You’d be the new girl in the last year of school when everyone has already established their cliques, you’d be the outsider. To your surprise it wasn’t as painful as you’d imagined. First half of the day went by quickly, you sat in the period before lunch wondering where you were gonna sit. For a brief moment you considered spending it in the bathroom to avoid be the new girl sitting by her self but quickly decided against that idea. Concluding that being caught sitting in the bathroom for thirty minutes was far more embarrassing.

The bell rings breaking you out of your thoughts. The rest of class wastes no time, sighing you stand up and follow their lead. You’re the last one out of the room but that’s not before your stopped by the teacher.

“Y/N, right?” You nod yes in response. “How’s your first day so far?”

“So far so good. Everyone’s been really nice.” You realize there’s not much truth to that statement considering he’s the first person that’s took the time to talk to you.

“That great to hear, if you need anything at all don’t hesitate to ask.” He smiles reassuringly, you smile back and thank him before leaving the room.

Once in the cafeteria, you get in line and grab a tray. Thanking the lunch ladies as they slop on the mysterious food. In that moment you think to your self you’ll be bringing lunch from now on. Out of the line you’re greeted by the rows of tables filled with students.

Eyes scan the room quickly realizing there’s not many empty seats left. You watch them fill up as you stand there. You decide fuck it and go to sit down at a table filled with girls. You’re not fast enough because someone steals it before you, giving you an annoyed look before turning their back to you.

Down a few tables there a group of boys all wearing the same shirt, they look harmless enough. They’re only taking up half the table. You decide you’ll sit at the far end and pray that they leave you alone.

As soon as you walk over all their eyes are on you, probably wondering who the hell you are. Shock hits their faces when you actually sit down. You half smile before picking your fork up and start playing with your food. You can’t help but notice a taller long haired boy approaching the table, he’s wearing the same shirt. ‘The Hellfire Club’

“Who do we have here?” He says sitting directly across from you, a grin across his face. You tell him your name and his response is,”Who said you can sit here?”

“Didn’t realize I had to ask.” You retort, sort of irritated.

“I’m just givin’ you shit. I’m Eddie.” He laughs, “You new here?” Eddie asks knowing damn well she’s new, knowing he would have remembered someone as pretty as her.

“Yeah.”

“How you liken Hawkins?” Eddie asks.

“It’s nice so far.” You lie and Eddie sees right through you.

“You don’t have to lie to me. We’re all aware of how shit it is.” He laughs.

“It’s pretty shit.” You agree laughing quickly covering your mouth when you laugh, Eddie notices.

“You wanna actually come sit with us at that end of the table instead of being the loser all by your self?” Eddie teases.

“Sure.” You say warily. You watch as Eddie gets up and heads to the end to sit. One of the younger kids tries to argue but Eddie tells them to shut up.

“Scoot down.” He commands the younger kids and they listen. “You can sit by me.” He smiles motioning to the seat next to him. Grabbing your tray you make your way over to Eddie. You can feel all their eyes on you as you sit.

“Thanks. What’s the shirts for?” You ask curiously, attempting to start a conversation.

“We’re a DND club.” You look over to the young boy who spoke, “I’m Dustin.” He introduces himself.

“That cool I used to watch my older brother play all the time.” You smile, remembering you oldest brother.

“Have you played before?”

“No he wouldn’t let me.” You admit.

“Do you want to?” Eddie asks, regaining your attention.

“I dunno maybe.” You say smiling. Eddie’s only known you for a few minutes and he’s already can’t stop staring. He wants to know everything about you.

“I’m gonna be so real with you right now. The longer you sit here the less chance you have of having any type of social status.” Another kid speaks up, you look over to him before speaking.

“I don’t care about that stuff anyways.” You look back to Eddie who’s already smiling at you. You take this moment to look at his beauty. His eyes are a deep brown and you can’t help yourself but admire them.

Conversation amongst the rest of them start but you still have Eddie’s full undivided attention. “What brings you to Hawkins?”

You answer and spend the rest of lunch answering all his questions. While learning so much about him.

Eventually lunch comes to an end and Eddie sighs, he seemed upset. You were upset too, you could of spent all day getting to know him. You get up grabbing your tray to empty it into the trash.

Eddie follows behind, once you’re done he grabs your wrist softly. You turn around to face him and he says, “You should sit with us tomorrow again.”

“I’d love that.” You grin, happy you’ve found friends. Especially cause one of them is this real cute older guy.

-

The next day rolls around and you excitedly wait for lunch ready for the chance to talk to Eddie again. This time you skip the lunch line and make your way for their table. “Hi guys.” You say, sitting where you sat yesterday. Eddie’s not here yet but the rest of the guys greet you. Mikes going off about one of his teachers already assigned a ‘fuck ton’ of homework. You laugh when you feel the weight of someone sitting next to you. Smiling you turn your attention that way hoping it’s Eddie.

It’s not. Your smile fades quickly. A blonde haired boy fills his spot, he’s sporting a green lettermen jacket. “Why are you sitting with these freaks?” You’re in total shock and confused unsure of how to respond. “You should sit with us,” he points over to a table filled with cheerleader and football players. “You’re too pretty to be hanging out with these losers.” He laughs, his hand reaching for your hair letting his fingers run through it.

“No thank you.” You politely decline, pushing his hand away.

“Oh come on. Fuck these freaks.” He pouts.

You don’t know what comes over you but you spit,“Fuck off.”

“Oh she’s feisty.” He laughs, “Well if you ever change your mind and need some good dick you know where to find me.” Your jaw drops, shocked those words would come out of his mouth.

“Just leave her alone.” One of the guys speaks up.

“I bet you let that freak fuck you, huh? I saw they way you two were looking at each other yesterday.” He hands find its way in your lap, quickly slipping it way into between your thighs. Before he can get any farther, you do the unthinkable. Something you could never imagine yourself doing. You punch him square in the face, he quickly falls back. His hands gravitate to his nose, it’s bleeding. You look down at your fist, it hurts but you’re too much in shock to notice.

Looking up from your fist you’re greeted by Eddie. His hands cup you face, “Are you okay?” Tears start to fall down your face realizing what just happened. The blonde boy mutters fuck you before taking off blood staining his letterman. “What happened?” When you can’t respond, he grabs your hand, “Let’s get you out of here.” You don’t argue following Eddie out of the lunchroom, through a hall way, and out a door that leads to a nearly empty parking lot.

Eddie takes you to his van, opening the door for you. For some reason you get in, you feel like you can trust Eddie. He shuts the door behind you before making his way to the drivers side. “Do you want me to take you home?”

“No.” You say wiping the tears from you face, trying to calm down. “Just take me away from here. I don’t want to go home.”

“Okay.” He smiles softly.

-

Eddie and you drove the whole way a in silence. Occasionally glancing over at each other. Music filled the silence, Eddie hummed along. For a moment it crosses your mind that your alone with essentially a stranger. You just hope that he’s not gonna murder you and try to forget shake that thought.

Eventually you two arrive at a little lake you’ve never been to before. He reverses into a parking spot. “This is my favorite place to come to when I need to breathe.” Eddie gets out, walking behind his van. You can tell he’s opened the back so you let yourself out. Eddie’s sat in the back of his van his legs dangling from the edge.

For a few moments you look around the back of Eddie van. The back seats had been taken out and there were blankets and pillows laid out. You sit next to him scooting as close as you can. His arm falls on your shoulders, allowing you to rest your head on him. You both sit in silence for a few moments.

“What all did you see?” You ask.

“I walked into the lunch room and seen Jason Carver laying on the floor in front of you with a bloody nose.” He’s arm leaves your shoulder and grabs the fist you used to punch that guy. “Does it hurt? It looks like it hurts.” Eddie says while he’s gently examining it. Your knuckles are bruised.

“It hurts a lot.”

“Why did you punch him?” Eddie asks.

“He was being such a dick.”

“That’s Jason for you.” Eddie explains.

“He kept touching me after I turned him down.” Eddie noticeably tenses up. “I blacked out and when I came to he was on the floor. I’ve never don’t that before.”

“Well he deserved it. If he ever touches you again I swear to god I’ll kill him.” Eddie grits his teeth speaking.

“Hopefully he’ll leave me alone after today.” You sigh.

“You’re kinda bad ass.” Eddie smiles.

“How?”

“You punched Jason Carver in the face. You haven’t gone here long enough to realize how bad ass that is. Everyone hates him except his bone head friends who are just as terrible as him.”

-

You couldn’t explain it but you felt so comfortable around Eddie. You two sat there for a while talking about anything and everything. Eventually you two ended up laying down in the back of his van, next to each other facing each other as you talked. Your hands rested so closely together. You so badly wanted to grab his but chicken out. Eddie must of noticed you looking at his hand cause he does exactly what you were to chicken to do causing the biggest grin to form on your face almost too afraid to make eye contact with him. You can feel him getting closer, the butterflies in your stomach getting bigger.

Your phone goes off bringing you back to reality. It’s your dad. Fuck.

Quickly sitting up, letting go of Eddie and answering your dad starts with the questions, “Where are you? Your school says you never showed up to second half of classes after you got into a fight?” He sounds more concerned than angry, which calms you.

“I’m safe. I’ll explain when I get home. I love you.” He says he loves you before hanging up. “Can you take me home?” You groan annoyed you have to leave Eddie so soon.

“Yeah of course.” Eddie says, getting up and helping you out of the van.

-

You give Eddie directions to your home as his drives. A good twenty minutes later he parks in front of your home.

“I know what happened to you today was really shitty but for what it’s worth I had fun with you after the fact. Hope you don’t get in too much trouble.” He says causing you to smile.

“If punching some jock in the face meant I could hang out with you I’d do it again.” You laugh to yourself.

“You don’t have to punch anyone in the face to hang out with me.” Eddie jokes with you, you look over to him to find him already looking at you and decide in that moment to do something else you’d never imagine yourself doing. You lean in closer to Eddie, reaching over the center console. Your lips meet his. Eddie seems taken aback but slowly lets him self kiss you. His hands finding their way to your face. You two make out for a few moments, Eddie eventually being the one to pull away to catch his breath.

“You’re kinda bad ass.”

“How?” You laugh.

“I’ve wanted to do that for hours now but I was too chicken shit. You just went for it.” He smiles, smitten.

“Can I go for it again?” Eddie nods before kissing you again.