#and i still can’t cope

[pixlokita]

Wait I’m just realizing how funny it is that springtrap/ William and all his variations see an unhappy child with brown hair, brown eyes and striped shirt and immediately goes … yes I must have him as my own like 🧍‍♂️

[yeticoa]

Kinda laughing at the possibility that qimir held Osha’s hand over the lightsaber and osha in her head was probably like “well… I guess…” “this guy’s been initiating physical affection since he met me, might as well let him now that I’m his student” while also pretending she’s not also yearning

[silverthelovebug]

Yasammy Week ~ Day 6: Baking

Yaz peeked at the pie sitting in the oven, the smoke still lingered in the air from her last attempt at baking, though Sammy had opened the windows and left the back door open to hopefully air out the smell. It seemed to be a curse in the Fadoula-Gutierrez household that someone would forget they were baking a pie and it would end up burning to a crisp. Apparently it happened to Sammy enough that it became a tradition to make a back-up pie. Yet, It was always worth it in the end when she had that first bite and she got to see Sammy’s proud face.

@yasammyweek

I’m just realizing now that the text boxes make it look like Sammy speaks first and. Um. Definitely not what you’re supposed to do in comics !!! I feel like Sammy has a love/hate relationship with pies, she absolutely hates the baking process but she likes it as a distraction or when she’s making it with/for someone. Yaz cannot bake. She can cook really well! Just not bake ,,

Don’t hold me accountable for how tall/short they are in relation to their kitchen because umm 💔💔💔

[seagreenstardust]

I’m still processing but that episode was devastating, and it was also beautifully done.

I read the manga, I knew what was coming, and still I felt like I was seeing it all for the first time. Katsuki, having revelations about himself, his quirk, and about Izuku, all while fighting a battle he knows (for maybe the first time in his life) he won’t win. Katsuki being the biggest surprise in the fight so far to AFOraki, because he is persistent, smart, and fast. The slow dawning realization that AFO recognizes someone else in Katsuki.

Just how soft he was, realizing that he was still stages behind Izuku, who had already had to learn how to fight through excruciating pain.

And the regret, oh my gosh, the soft, aching regret as he looks at Aura!Might and thinks about the ways he wasted time, as he’s dying. Even the way it felt like Aura!Might was reaching out for him, to help, to comfort, to do something in that last moment

This episode was a masterpiece and I’m such a mess

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

my heart is not and never will be equipped for miles posting nostalgic thoughts about tlsp

[kenneduck]

Me: Stop being sad.

Also me: Spends today thinking about Link and Mipha’s love and the fact he can’t properly grieve it because he cannot remember all of the memories of their relationship.

It makes me sad.

I’ve been coping with thinking about how post-AOC Sidon travels home. It’s after BOTW, and Sidon went missing for a few months along with other champions (and Tulin lmao) With his return, Link is emotional as he reunites with Sidon. Link was beyond stressed and worried over his missing lover. He hasn’t left Zora’s Domain in weeks since he got word of his disappearance. Once emotions settle during the reunion, Sidon gets to tell Link about how he went back in time and saved Mipha and all of Hyrule. He saved Link. Even if that Link wasn’t his Link, it made his heart happy to save his love from the grief he went through before.

And Sidon is so melancholic. He got to see first hand Link’s love for his sister. Her giving Link the armor after he saved all of Hyrule. The two sharing a kiss. A future between them that gets to finally exist. Something he knew from her diaries and from older Zora’s stories, but something that he deeply understood now.

As Sidon recaps this, Link is looking up to Sidon emotionally. Sidon too seems upset. But more so guilty, Sidon witnessed first hand what had to be lost for he and Link to love one another. That maybe what the two are doing isn’t right.

But Link shushes Sidon. Finally getting a word in for the first time after Sidon’s retelling started. That Link is beyond proud of Sidon for saving Hyrule. For saving Mipha. Saving him. Link can’t help but cry after this point. He thanks Sidon for giving Link a happy life. In both of his lives. Who Link was then isn’t who he is now, but he’s so happy to know that both past and present him get to love who they love surrounded by friends and a family they found. That it extends beyond him, too. So he’s incredibly thankful for Sidon. And that he loves him, and he won’t stop loving him.

Sidon can’t help but to kiss his Hylian lover. One he’s desperately missed during his travels. One he felt guilt over, but that washed away with Link’s affirmation. Now, Sidon just feels happy. Overwhelmed, but happy. He knows Mipha is happy, and he can’t wait to tell the domain what transpired.

[mrs-snape5984]

“I was held in chains but now I’m free…”

“Hey, little train! Wait for me! I once was blind but now I see. Have you left a seat for me? Is that such a stretch of the imagination?” (“O Children” by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds)

I feel obligated to set up a trigger warning on this post, since I’m mentioning thoughts of suicidal ideation in my text. If you’re feeling uncomfortable with this topic, please feel free to ignore the following four paragraphs and skip right to my praise for the incredibly talented artist of this comic strip.

As already mentioned in some of my latest posts, I’ve commissioned some of my favourite artists here on tumblr for a special project of mine: My afterlife project.

I’m suffering from multiple autoimmune disorders, which probably have paved the way for this bitch of a disease, ME/CFS (myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome), two years ago. Sure, my life already wasn’t the easiest before, but since then, it came to a standstill. More and more, I lost my abilities, my social life, my place in the society…and surely even my participation in my own family. My days are mostly spent in bed all day and night, surrounded only by darkness and solitude.

Patients with severe ME/CFS might die earlier than expected, due to multiple organ failure and - yes, I have to admit, that this reason is, indeed, undeniably relatable (and alluring) to me - suicide. With each passing day, that I’m doomed to “live” with these confines of my personal hell… imprisoned within myself without any chance to escape… death appears to be a welcoming friend, who’s only awaiting to pull me into a tight embrace. For me, it’s like it’s written in the following poem (“Joy in Death”) of Emily Dickinson…it will be good news and maybe even a relief…not just for me.

I know, I can’t leave, yet… and that I have to stay as long as endurable - at least for my children’s sake - but… yeah, BUT… but, damn, I’m tired. My personal limits are set… my lines are drawn… my responsibilities are cleared and both of my closest friends are informed about my pathetic little wishes (please, play that goddamn song for me!). I’m prepared. But for now, I have to stay…. to fight a little longer… to be a mom, even though my kids only see me for a few minutes each day… a mere shadow of the mother, they used to know. It’s a fucking shame!

For this particular part of my afterlife project, I’ve commissioned my sweet friend @sleepybradipo, who will always be my first choice to draw my vision of the young Severus in his own uniquely tender art style, which I’m so weak for.

In my imagination, I will be able to choose, how my eternal life will look like. Finally, I’ll be with Severus! We’ll meet at the age of 11 years and eventually spend the rest of our lives side by side...growing old together. Severus and Jukes will finally get the life, they’ve always deserved to have. I’ve started to show sections of this existence by Severus’ side in some of my other posts, which belong to this project. It may sound strange and pathetic (obviously), but this is all, that I'm wishing for. I want to come home to him.

For this artwork, I asked @sleepybradipo to make the process of “renewing” visible…almost like some kind of resurrection! Jules is stripping off her old, exhausted self, only to be 11 years old again…happily running towards the 11 years old Severus, who’s waiting for her.

Ivano, at first, I felt guilty for my request for this commission. I’m constantly afraid of becoming a burden to others with my ridiculously morbid thoughts and ideas. But you, my dear friend, made me feel seen with your kindness and compassion. Your understanding of my fantasy and the way, you’ve realised it in this mesmerising piece of art, are absolutely breathtaking! I don’t know, how I could possibly show enough gratitude to express, what your art is doing to my black little heart. It’s like a bandage…a soothing balm… a comforting embrace. Thank you for everything, Ivano.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

PS: I have to apologise for my repetive use of terms in my writing this time. The lack of coherence might be caused by my current “crashing” condition and a weird cocktail of different medications. I’ll try better next time, but it was important for me, to show this heart-wrenching composition of art as soon as possible. Your work needs to be seen, Ivano!

[laniidae-passerine]

I made my post about Dean Highbottom and then as I was writing my tags realised that his Hunger Games counterpart is Haymitch. and now my head is in my hands and I don’t think I’ll ever recover

[erytherion]

Reading the webtoon and…

Does this imply that Kim Dokja also tried to write a questionnaire for her to fill in since she wouldn’t speak to him, that either he 1) never gave her in the end (especially if he couldn’t find her after she was released) or 2) gave it to her and she STILL refused to answer?

Because that is so so so so awful. It was already bad but if he tried so many ways to get her to speak and she still gave him no response, regardless of her reasoning… isn’t that still directly choosing to cut herself fully out of his life? Why in the hell did she lie for his sake and allow him to visit her if she wanted to never speak to him again?

I know everyone claims Kim Dokja is just like her in sacrificing himself for loved ones, but at least he tries his best to stay with them and to keep them in his life. He still chooses sacrifice, but it’s not because he intends to never return. He always returns (even if much later than planned).

The only time this differs is with 51%, when he STILL tried his best to stay with them - at least as much as he could.

I sometimes like Lee Sookyung, but I am mostly still SO mad at her for completely ignoring her child since he was 8 years old. Especially when he must have looked like shit any number of times from being mistreated and bullied by family, friends, army, employers.

But maybe that’s just the fragment in me being eternally pissed with her. She DOES love him, but like he says in the webtoon in this chapter - maybe such truths are painful enough to be false anyways, because they’re just SUCH bullshit. That’s not how affection should work, if you actually care about someone and want them to be happy.

[you-wanna-know]

Birthday weekend finished with me tired and sat in silence for 12 hours

[delusionalbitchinthehouse]

Alpha & Pebble my beautifully fucked up boys ! Here’s them fighting because they don’t know how to communicate. Angst, but with some tiny bit of comfort ? Maybe ? I’m not sure it really is comfort but well.

Alpha’s not sure what the Sibling of Sin said, he only caught the tail end of a mean laugh, but it must’ve been about Delta ; it’s the only thing that could get that reaction out of Pebble. Snarl peeling his lips so far back it looks borderline painful, eyes blazing, tail whipping the air, claws extended.

The earth ghoul is about to pounce on the stupid, stupid human, rip them to shreds and risk being sent back to the pit for the offense it represents. Alpha acts on instinct alone.

The fire ghoul barely manages to catch the back of Pebble’s uniform just as the earth ghoul leaps toward the Sibling. Pebble didn’t see Alpha coming, too blinded by rage, and is caught by surprise ; in a second, and despite his vigorous thrashing, Alpha has the earth ghoul in a chokehold, his arm digging into Pebble’s neck in an effort to keep him from committing first degree murder.

The Sibling blanches at the display, finally realizing their stupidity, the amount of danger they’ve subjected themselves to by sheer malice, and scurries away while they still can. 

Alpha curses as he drags Pebble away, sharp kicks surely bruising his legs, claws raking along his arm in an attempt to make him let go. No chance. Alpha only tightens his hold, cutting Pebble’s airways even more off until the earth ghoul’s knees buckle under him and he let himself be thrown into the common room.

Alpha only grants him a few seconds to take deep, gasping breaths before taking two fistful of the front of Pebble’s uniform, hauling him up against the wall ; with the earth ghoul being a good head shorter than Alpha, and pretty light in comparison,  it’s easy for the fire ghoul to pin Pebble there, his feet barely grazing the ground.

« Are you stupid ?! » Alpha growls inches from Pebble’s face.

« Let go you fucking-»

« No, » Alpha grunts, baring his own fangs, « I asked you a question. Are you fucking stupid ?! That what you earth ghouls do, smoke your brains away ?! You know what happens to dumb sons of bitches who harm members of the Church ?! Do you want to be sent back, away from you greenhouse, your home, your pack ?! »

Pebble blinks, momentarily stunned by the reason behind Alpha’s anger, before his face contorts once again and venom creeps back in the pale green of his eyes.

« So you’d let that piece of shit say whatever they want ? Insult Delta whenever they like ? »

So Alpha was right, it was indeed about Delta. The fire ghoul doesn’t get to say what he wants, Pebble is on a roll.

« Yes, of course you would. Pack only matters when it suits you, yeah ? When it’s convenient. But the second protecting it might cause troubles, you back off like the coward you are. Is there any of us you’d take actual risks for ? Is there anyone outside of Omega, oh so precious Omega, you would sacrifice things for ? »

Alpha sees red, Pebble’s word cutting deep, hitting a nerve dead on. How dare he. How dare Pebble question everything Alpha did for the pack ? The fire ghoul doesn’t know if he wants to rip the earth ghoul’s tongue out or curl into himself to sob. 

Pebble opens his mouth to go on, and Alpha is absolutely sure he cannot take a drop more of the earth ghoul’s venom, that infamous venom of his that slithers into your veins, wraps around your heart, squeezes until it bursts.

Alpha throws Pebble to the ground, sits on his chest, raises a fist - aiming for his face, maybe his nose, anything that would make the earth ghoul shut up, shut up, shut up.

That’s when Alpha catches the glimmer of hope in Pebble’s eyes, realization dawning on him with the effect of a cold shower. Pebble itches for a fight. Wants to get hit, beaten up to a pulp, and who better to rile up for that than Alpha, short-tempered, sparring enthusiast Alpha ?

As always, Pebble is seeking what he cannot ask for, and seeking it from Alpha. 

The fire ghoul stills, fist still raised. Pebble waits, tense as a bowstring, eyeing it almost voraciously. But there, under the anger and inexplicable need to be hurt, something fragile, vulnerable hides. 

Whatever the Sibling said, Pebble took it to heart.

Alpha’s eyes slip closed, a shuddering sigh escaping him as he brings his hand down slowly, grabbing Pebble’s jaw firmly, but with unusual gentleness. The earth ghoul stiffens.

« You know damn well I take care of my pack. And, whether you like it or not, you are pack too. So the next time you want to be used as a fucking punching bag, you join me on the mat instead of running your fucking mouth and goading me into damn near killing you. »

Despite the simmering fury in Alpha’s voice, his hand doesn’t tightens, simply stays there, holding.

Pebble’s eyes flash with both desperation and rage.

« Don’t pretend to care- »

Alpha growls again, tail slapping against the floor harshly enough to sting.

« Stop telling me how I feel, Pebble. My feelings are mine, you don’t get to twist them into what’s more convenient for you. »

All the fight seems to rush out of the earth ghoul’s body at that. Pebble’s muscles all let go at once, his face growing weary, almost melancholic. He avoids Alpha’s eyes, nods curtly.

« Got it. »

Alpha can’t help the way his eyebrows skyrocket toward his hairline at that, but doesn’t comment. It’s as close an apology as he’ll get from Pebble.

The earth ghoul is staring at Alpha’s arm, jaw clenching hard. There’s a few rivulets of blood trickling from the claw marks Pebble left on it in his efforts to free himself.

For a moment, they stay frozen like this, something akin to « what now ? » floating in the heavy silence between them.

A door slamming in the distance snaps them out of it. Alpha let go of Pebble, stands up to let the earth ghoul do the same. Pebble runs a hand through his short, messy hair, strands spiking in every directions. 

Sighing heavily, Alpha adjusts his shirt, glad that he wasn’t wearing his own uniform, or else he’d have a lot of explaining to do as to why his sleeve would be in tatters. Again.

From the corner of his eyes, the fire ghoul spies Pebble awkwardly straightening his collar, somehow seeming reluctant to leave. Alpha watches him, and yet, he’s caught completely off guard when the earth ghoul grabs his injured arm, careful to avoid the cuts, eyes glaring daggers at the consequences of his own anger.

The strangeness of the situation keeps Alpha frozen, eyes glued to Pebble’s face. The near permanent crease between the earth ghoul’s eyebrows, the scar cutting through the bridge of his nose, the smattering of freckles across his cheekbones, the scruff eating away at his cheeks, everything is thrown into sharp focus by their sudden stillness.

When the earth ghoul looks up at Alpha, the fire ghoul wonders what he sees. Yellow eyes Pebble’s dying to gouge out ? Already crooked nose the earth ghoul longs to break into an even more unsavory form ? Deep claw marks on his cheek he’d like to extend ? But the look in Pebble’s eyes doesn’t hold any murderous intent. It’s conflicted, confused, the abrupt change in their usual dynamic rendering him just as silent as Alpha. 

For once, they are both out of words. A miracle, really.

Then, Pebble let go so suddenly you’d think Alpha lost control of his fire and inflicted him a third degree burn.

« You should get those checked out, » the earth ghoul mumbles, resolutely staring at his feet.

Alpha blinks, lost for a moment, before remembering his injuries.

« Those are just scratches. »

Pebble scoffs, but doesn’t add anything, fleeing the room without once meeting Alpha’s eyes again.

The fire ghoul heaves a sigh, scrubs his hand over his face. He feels weird, Pebble’s expression when he took stock of the damages he’d done lingering in his mind. 

Alpha hopes Mist will let him share a smoke with her tonight, Satan knows he could use her blunt honesty to understand whatever the fuck just happened.

But first, he has a Sibling to scare the living daylight out of to ensure they won’t breath a word of Pebble’s near slip up.

[ninacarstairss]

honestly hearing percy utter the name kronos added ten thousand years to my lifespan because WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM REALLY WATCHING PERCY JACKSON REALIZE THAT KRONOS IS RISING ON MY SCREEN IN 2024 HOW IS THIS EVEN REAL LIFE???

[headaching]

call me britney bitch because oops i did it again

[thosesillylittlegayghosts]

Ghosts season five spoilers!

FUCKING JAMES?!?!

HE DIED WITH HAVER HAND ON HIM

I-I. I know UNWELL RIP ME IM DECEASED WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I KNOW?!

Anthony. James. IM GOING TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP TONIGHT FUCK RIGHT OFF I DID NOT READ A STUPID AMOUNT OF FANFICS AND HAVE THE ACTUAL CANON BIT BE SADDER

HAVERS GAVE HIM THE BLOODY STICK THING THATS WHY HE LOVES IT SO MUCH

[mrs-snape5984]

“'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars I think, I saw you…”

“'Cause you get lighter the more it gets dark. I'm gonna give you my heart.” (“A sky full of stars” by Coldplay)

One of the very few and little acts of freedom in my life, which is restrained by the confines of my disease ME/CFS, is my habit of stepping out to my balcony at nights, whenever I can gather enough strength to leave my bed for a moment. Sitting out there, staring at the night sky whilst a cool breeze is caressing my feverish cheeks, is one of the most soothing sensations in my current life.

After some time, it became my routine to take pictures of the stars in order to send them to my friends. Especially those people, who are living in much bigger cities, seemed to be stunned by the beauty of the firmament above my small town. I can’t wait to show my beloved friend @vulnus-sanare this sensational view in person soon and I can’t wait to have you here for your long planned visit at my place. Damn, I’m counting the days, sweetheart!

So, for this beautiful artwork, I commissioned the incredibly talented and lovely @severus-snaps to create a scene of Severus and my OC Jules (yeah…it’s practically me, I know!) laying on the ground at night. Severus explains the stars to her…but she only has eyes for him. You’ve done an excellent job with this project, my dear! Please take my apologies for taking so long to write this post, but my brain fog and some other issues made it hard for me to bring my thoughts to paper (or better to screen). Thank you for everything!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[chipmunkweirdo]

After doing a lot of research, I have decided against going on any meds to stop my anxiety.

I’ve also decided not to try ADHD meds either since I have multiple systems in place that already help my ADHD.

The main reason is because creativity is my biggest coping mechanism, and medicines designed to try and “neurotypicalize” the brain sometimes (not true for everyone) have an adverse effect on those who think outside the box.

I know that my inspiration comes from the wild unpredictability of my brain. I know that I can write the way I do because of my deep connection to my emotions. I am not interested in having that ability possibly change just so I can work a dead end job forever. The goal was ALWAYS to still be creative in my free time outside the job. I can’t do that if I’m on something that flattens emotions and makes me tired all the time. Or something that switches my thinking to being rational constantly.

It’s definitely NOT that way for EVERYONE and some people DO need meds to help, but I don’t think I am one of those people. I was on meds as a kid (quite a few before mom and dad finally gave up) that crushed parts of my creativity and I can’t risk losing any more of it to meds that aren’t right for me while trying to find a med that is right for me.

Furthermore, getting a job is a very stressful thing, but once I have a stable job then the anxiety about the unknowns won’t be that bad. I don’t see going on medication long term to ease a short term problem as what I’m looking for.

However. I am open to trying some kind of sleep aid that I only take on nights when my brain won’t turn off and allow me to sleep. Something that I don’t have to take every day. I firmly believe that getting enough sleep will help my stress levels and mood enough that I can handle whatever is thrown at me.

Because I cannot risk losing my main coping mechanism just because it “distracts” me. If anything, I feel LESS distracted when it comes to doing mundane tasks while also thinking about AATC nonstop in my head. It is NOT the obstacle my job coach thought it was.

I’m going to continue finding ways to relieve my anxiety outside of medication as well and building more systems to help me manage the onslaught of random thoughts and worries.

I hope this works.